mistresskyla

[mistresskyla]

Poly Dating

Recently, I’ve dropped the whole “content seller” thing, and I’ve switched to something I’m more comfortable with: Dating. I’m an actual human being, and I need more companionship than just a “working relationship”, And I’m not mean enough to DEMAND people send me money. 

However, all of that being said, it’s had a LOT more pitfalls than I’d been hoping. 

I make it known up front that I’m polyamarous. Many of the guys that have contacted me seem to believe that means I’m willing to sleep with anyway, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Also, several men seem to believe I just haven’t “met the right man”, which is also untrue. I’m open and honest with all of my matches, but it can be frustrating to have to contend with all of the misconceptions. I guess I should consider myself lucky that some guys seem to think that they can meet me and completely change the way I think? But that’s how I got to the whole poly thing to begin with. 

While I’ve made some friends, I’ve also had to block several individuals. You think that adults can be adults, but apparently that has proved to be difficult. Aside from forgetting manners, I’ve been told to do things (like meet people in person shortly after a basic greeting), and I’ve been consistently objectified, even though most of my pictures would be considered “appropriate enough to share with your mother”.  

#polyamarous #dating #men #women #struggle #misconceptions #demand #open #honest #matches #friends

[mistresskyla]

It Hurts More Than It Needs To

Every single time I feel like I get partially ahead, I realize I’m still behind. This life is literally so difficult, but at the same time, I feel like if it was any other way, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. 

I’ve filled out countless job applications, and I haven’t been called back for a single interview. It’s getting harder and harder to provide. The stress is starting to get to me, I’m not going to lie. I even lashed out at my boyfriend tonight when I didn’t need to, and started a fight that literally neither one of us will win. 

I don’t have any kind of safety net, because I’ve burned through all of it already. 2020 was a difficult year, and I was truly hoping that this year would be better. While the struggle is real, I still have my hopes up that things will get better. 

#ahead #behind #difficult #staystrong #applications #job #remotejobs #harder #provide #interview #stress #gettingtome #boyfriend #lashing out #win #safetynet #2020 #2021 #better #struggle #hopes #dreams

[mistresskyla]

Holiday Break

So now that Thanksgiving is over, and the food has been made, eaten, and leftovers put away, I can finally get back to working. Or attempting to work. Finding clients isn’t easy. Everyone’s money is tight. However, if someone really needs me, I’m sure we’ll find each other. With the start of the life coach thing, people have been much more receptive. I like to help people, and I know that most people become lost with the every day, and holding themselves accountable. Or, sometimes like myself, can find it hard to know what direction to go when things have been stale for so long. 

In the very least, I plan on enjoying the short holiday calm between prepping for Thanksgiving and prepping for Christmas. Holidays have always been difficult for me because I have a sorry excuse for a family, but I always hope for a better year than the previous one. 

#holiday #thanksgiving #food #leftovers #work #clients #money #need #lifecoach #help #lost #accountable #direction #calm #christmas #holidays #difficult #nofamily #hope #better

[mistresskyla]

Business Ventures

I’ve been trying to build a decent, low overhead business model for years now, and with the pandemic going on all around us, I considered that this year might be THE YEAR for that to happen. Sadly, I haven’t either committed enough time or energy to anything until the last month or so. Depression and anxiety can destroy any work ethic a person has if you let it. 

While I’ve had support from people close to me to do literally anything (within reason), every time I’ve tried, I haven’t been very successful. I’ve only ever made whatever money back that I’ve put into it, but I’ve never been paid for my time. Over the years, it’s made me feel as if my time isn’t really worth anything, which just adds to the depression loop. I’m going to keep trying through, and I’ve got a new idea. I’m hopeful that it’ll work, but I’m also not holding my breath. I’m grateful that I have a roof over my head, and food in my stomach, and I wouldn’t want anything to jeopardize that. But I do wish I could rely and depend on myself more. 

I wish I could make a difference in the world, and have my life mean something. I hope that I’m successful in some way enough to leave something behind when I’m gone,  

#business #depression #pandemic #time #energy #anxiety #support #success #successful #money #newideas #idea #work #grateful #rely #depend #jeopardize #difference #makeadifference

[mistresskyla]

Discouraging

So I’m here to blog, and make friends, like I do on many websites. On others, I try to sell content. Either way, I’m still human, and I have my own struggles. I have trouble with my body image, I battle with depression and anxiety, and I’ve always had problems fitting in. Some days I feel like I can take on the world, but others I barely want to get out of bed. 

I made a post in a private social media group, thanking them for accepting me, and telling them that I was glad I’d finally found somewhere that I have [thought] I belonged. Sadly, another user took it upon themselves to tell me that I really did NOT belong among them because I had made an attempt to set up an Only Fans account. They also told me that I was the reason the social media site was going “downhill”. 

Suffice it to say, it completely killed my mood. I was already struggling and feeling as if I was “too ugly for the internet”. I removed my post feeling defeated and overwhelmed. I haven’t been successful in selling content either, so it’s just been one hiccup after another. I know I need to keep trying. I know there are people out there who aren’t as negative, and that are willing to be friends with me. I know I can’t let one person’s opinion destroy everything I’ve been trying to build, but it really didn’t help. 

#discouraged #ugly #depression #onlyfans #sad #bodyimage #struggle #anxeity #human #anxiety #accepting #moodkiller #defeated #overwhelmed #sellingcontent #friends

[mistresskyla]

I’m Still New...

I’m still new here, and almost everywhere. Just trying to find my footing and where I fit in. Like the new kid in school trying to find the right lunch table. I don’t want to look too dumb, or too smart, or be too awkward. You only get one shot at at a first impression, and I don’t want to screw it up. 

#new #awkward #anxienty #fitting in #first impressions

[mistresskyla]

The Struggle Is Real

Legit, this year has been a mess for everyone. Everything is just full of heartache, loss, sickness, unemployment, and confusion. No one really knows what’s going on with anything, or what the rules are anymore. I’m just as lost as everyone else. I’ve even tried selling content online, from writing to photos and I haven’t made a single dollar. 

I mean, no, it’s not ideal to be stuck at home, but being broke and being unable to provide is a total mess. I keep moving forward though, because it is what it is. 

#life #2020 #heartache #loss #sickness #unemployment #confusion #quarentine #broke