#& it didnt make any sense to me when i tried reversing it either so i just dont know

[red-dyed-sarumane]

kyuuyakus so good not only bc its like the only song heavy enough i can tolerate at loud volumes that can Almost drown out my coworker who never shuts up but ALSO for the points ive said 74times & will continue to,

aru sekai shoushitsu set us up for something super sci-fi, which. yes. the series very much is. but it was so technical and almost coldly indifferent. and then we're given the whole "old testament" in the title & the whole intro reading that isnt far from dantes inferno type content as my good friend emimin pointed out. we've got this new aspect added in and at the same time the lyrics let you know this character's still dealing with the complex technical stuff, from the terms down to the second kanji in ashita being incomplete as though because of a program error or interruption or some other similar reason.

and it feels even more different because theres just so much emotion in this one compared to shoushitsu. all the "bye-bye"s written in ways that express deep pain, the fact that the "see you tomorrow"s are cut off in the way they are the first time, and so drawn out the second time. the genre's not the spacey, distant trance type that shoushitsu is; its heavy, its intense, its got as much to it musically as there are details in the story. it's not just to sound cool, it's getting her state of mind across just as much as the spoken words. the world's being destroyed physically & metaphorically, everyone's suffered this over and over, they've parted ways so many times and its just never something they can get used to, especially not if they want to keep trying to end this whole loop, she's stressed past imagination trying to keep everything in check when its just not possible, & the intensity of the music just emphasizes all of that. there's less intense parts too, sort of like a forced focus on what she's doing that all too quickly builds to a panic. or the in the second part where everything gets so dire, the bell's tolling and she's running out of time, the piano over top of it giving such an uneasy feeling, and then right back to that heavy panic. theres so much emotional charge in it you know the long notes aren't just magu having fun with it; you just know they're meant as screams. i dont even think i can say screams for help, i think she knows shes past the point of help or at least that she's supposed to be everyone else's source of help that it's just stressed lamentation. she's doing everything she possibly can and its not working so all thats left is to cry out about it.

and then u have the rute furute wo a motif in here that's added in under the "fractal wa/kurikaeshita" parts that really hits harder now with kannagi for extra context. knowing that this is in the past & can't be changed and everyone else is using this as a point of reference. then u of course have the nami no ne wo motif, & the longest & clearest instance of it aside from maybe oumen mokushiroku so u know she's herself & gets to live, gets to keep doing this & watching other people die. (although i have absolutely no frame of reference for how long she lives given this is a past event & she doesn't seem to be present in the more current time songs. we dont really have that context yet) & then we're back to the rute motif on top of what still sounds like a jumble of nothing. but i also thought the rute line was nothing and here its a big deal so i cant wait to realize what this other jumble is, considering its also under the last ima kizanda parts.

theres just so so much to it, so many little intricacies that build such a full picture from whats otherwise one of the more simple series songs & i cant love it more.

#aru sekai series #part of me is desperately like is that last jumble here the reason the end of ashura sounds so familiar to me #but its not quite right for that i dont think #its also not the repeating whatever from shoushitsu #& it didnt make any sense to me when i tried reversing it either so i just dont know #ashura's a different conversation but oh my god i am so desperate to realize why the end of it sounds so familiar to me #like which song is it from & what motif is it #its NOT the nami no ne no. i know that. that's not in that song despite everything telling me it should be. #which is interesting in its own right considering the whole. cycle of things with ashura as a concept & whatnot. #& yet without that motif it implies she doesnt get to live after her song so thats something i think about often #anyway i feel like what im looking for is in either kyuuyaku or touhikou or both but i can never pinpoint it #compels me tho #as ive said many times the sound design in series songs is amazing when magu says they compose to fit a certain mood they fucking nail it #i thought about putting this under a read more but ive decided to actively be annoying #oh yeah once again im not looking at anything directly this is just off memory & the lyrics i can understand #bc some of these words i forgot immediately after learning. whoops.

[lottagiftbox]

there was a time when a person made a rp character that can counter magic. not only that they arent effected by it in any way. almost like they just wanted to defeat my character without a challenge for both them and me. a one sided fight isnt exactly challenging after all. i had to explain for 3 days straight why this wasnt fair and they fought me the entire way. its almost like low effort rp isnt fun! i had healed my character with another and they flipped out. its the clerics job to heal and i just had the most boring fight ever. then i showed them what they were doing and of course they are silent about it. maybe they were banned from that other server thar i couldn't make the characters i wanted from god modding? they wouldn't admit that tho. then they tried to god mode using a character that quite literally cant be harmed in aby way shape or form. they had double invincibility after alll. they can just tank anyway that comes their way and on top of that they had a aheild that nothing can get through. but they still want protection from a character that can easily be killed. which really doesn't make any sense. a one sided fight isnt a challenge. being able to fight back is. but they couldn't even do that then complain about me just reversing everything. i mean its not like i had a choice, couldn't escape. and i said that ill power scale to them but they didnt like that when they were god modding. i guess either someone else talked to them about it or they remember what they did. they remember a name of a character of that time clearly so. well drivak appeared (their favorite) and he wasnt op as heck. lets see how well this lasts.

[expfcultragreen]

Anyone want to play good skin/bad skin with me?

Yeah i didnt think so, that game fucking sucks and i was over this whole scene of making you figure it out yourself years ago, like from the jump. Im usually very supportive of doing research but all im going to find out about these guys is a) theyre nazis or b) they adopt the posture of nazis for reasons that are only relevant within the hardcore scene, with a total sense of callousness or adversariality regarding everyone who despises the aestheticization of fascist reactionaryism in and of itself. Like, the hautiness of it, if theyre pulling option b. The self-absorbed, myopically racist and phobic hautiness of it.

I have spent nearly 10 years carefully studying my plausibly crypto hardcoreboy friend, who i met because he lived in a vegan feminist house (mostly terfs it turned out, tho) i went to a party at

And its inconclusive what the fuck he meant in his 20s by all the casual racism and the swastika on his album cover, because that stuff actually all had plausible denials loaded--ALL of it, almost suspiciously so like its a game called youre just paranoid--and because he is fanatically liberal in his personal life (altho of course, he hates the liberal party and neoliberalism in general...which tells me he's either fash or hardleft, its a horseshoe thing with hating justin trudeau and the global capitalism agenda),,,, as far as he will share with me privately or the internet publicly. Ive been to a number of parties where he invited virtually all the guests and he conspicuously tried for diveristy, although his inner circle was all lame white people. (So is mine at the moment but thats because im too ashamed of my psychosis to have kept in touch with any of my other friends; its just really hard for people being around a white person who wont shut up about nazis when thats all you hear from everyone who wont hang out with white people, it gets awkward because you cant really say much because it could be a trap like theyre an undercover cop or something.) Sometimes his grapevine delivers him a highkey crypto conspiracy theory and then he wants to get takes on it because it "somehow" seems implausible or dubiously verified. When his neighbors annoy him he plays his tyler the creator vinyl real loud. He bought tickets for pet shop boys and new order when they played toronto. I am constantly scanning every interaction for tells, to this day; its like the green flag/red flag bateman meme but the tabulations are reversed.

I only have room in my life for ONE hardcore bro puzzlebox, sorry to all the oi bands and skinheads bobbling around like jackasses but i will never see you live and you will never get my money

Just one, sure, but how'd you pick?

Fluke. I didnt know who he was until after i had already asked him out (we got along at the party we met at so i asked him out, i never met someone else who knew that kinks song waterloo sunset, before), and then i had a stake in figuring out how much of a nazi he was because he knew i was nonbinary/queer and hooked up with me anyway instead of trying to kill me or debate me. Then after i was like "yknow what fuck it, i hate this game, youre a nazi" he flew across canada several times to check on me because he could tell i was going off the rails and isolating myself from people. He is the ONLY friend i have left who showed concern, most of them just got mad and stopped talking to me when i psychotically accused them of being abusers. My ex gf checked on me a lot during those years but she's not really my friend anymore (cant stand me now, too mundane)

I refuse to tell him my current address because i dont want him to know where i live because i am still paranoid that he has proud boy friends in bc who he can just call up and convince to burn my house down etc if i become too much of a liability or like if he finally does too many drugs and snaps and decides im causing progressivism as a whole by myself using magic

And the hardcore bros KNOW this is what people who truly hate nazis go through with them, and they dont give a fuck because they think theyre on a higher plane of enlightenment by virtue of a hyperfixation on a niche subculture's 40 year history of repeated infiltrations by nazis

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Do yiu want to maybe write a lil smth about big dick daddy and his strength.... pleasd and thank u ❤️🥵

Okay hun just a quick headcannon might not be exactly what you were after but porn is ponr 🤷‍♀️ 😘😘

Warnings: smut, nsfw, size difference, toys, car sex, exhibitionism, daddy kink, filth

You bent forward with the slightest of winces, this probably wasnt the best idea to use this particular toy when you had yoga class.

Today was henry's birthday, you were going to skip class but sadly he had a meeting this morning and had insisted on you coming to class.

You really should of stuck to your guns and stayed home

But it was to late now, you were here in the middle of class, this time at the back becuase you were nervous about anyone seeing it through your leggings.

You had a surprise for your sweet boyfriend, it had taken a few days of prep work but you were on the final stage

You see there was an issue in the bedroom. He was ridiculously endowed... like seriously before meeting him you rolled your eyes at that whole 'i can see it in her guts' porn cliche that men tried to boast about.

Not anymore. Nope, it was definitely a thing.

You were thankfull he was strong enough and could lift you with his arms and make you 'hover' as he drilled you mindful of just how much he fed your needy but small pussy.

You could never take him fully and although he never minded it got to you. You wanted to be good for him, to give him everything. And take everythig!

So you decided to get a set of plugs to help... loosen you a tad, it was more a length issue then a... girth?

You were on your second day of your biggest toy and it was strange streaching and doing yoga with the toy rubbing your tender walls.

It was down right torturous!

You heaved in relief as the teacher wrapped up the class and bolted outside needing to get home and cool off

The beep of a horn called you across the road to where henry was waiting in the car.

You crossed the road quickly opening the door throwing your bag behind the passenger seat and climbed in "Ah~fucking fuck!"

Henry froze and cast you a strange look as you bit your lip and shuddered as your ass met the seat...

That didnt make sense? You hadnt been spanked for a few days

"Babe? You okay? Did you pull something?" He asked slowly concern creasing his brow

"I wish, no no i- lets go, i need to get back and chill... need a fucking shower you cringed, you really did, not just to cool down either.

"Okay if your sure" he said pulling away from the curb.

During the ride home he kept a close eye on you, noting the soft mewls and panting... especially when he let the car over rev a little, trying to help with the battery which had been playing up recently.

"Babe your going red, have some of your drink" henry said half way home nodding to your bag behind the seat.

"Yeah.. okay" you hummed unclipped your seat belt, holding the bottle would give you something to do with your hands, take the temptation of slipping you fingers to your crotch as the car vibrated the plug.

You moved leaning over the center console and cralwed back bending over reaching your bag. Unknowingly presenting the little bulging base of the plug in your pussy

"No fucking way!?" Henry growled doing a double take as he saw the little tell tale bump

Before you could ask what he meant a hugge hand came up landing over your slit in a light spank making you moan

"Oh god~ hen!?" You moaned and tried to reverse back into you sea but henrys hand remained on the end of the plug and wriggled it side to side sending you into a chorus of wanton moans

"Baby girl? You wore a plug to yoga?" He laughed enjpying the way you collapsed over the centre console

He moved repositioning his arm to rest his elbow and fore arm on your back fingers slipping under the leggings and following the creas of your ass to the wet pussing lips wrapped around the plug.

"Hen- daddy! Noo let me up!" Ou protested not likejng being bent over in the car for the world to see it they wished!

"Oh hush, we're almost home! Its nothing you dont deserve your naughty girl!" He teased clasping the plug and slowly began thrusting the toy in and out

"Oh gos! Listen to that~ such a messy girl? All drenched and slippy~" you mewled and began panting unable to stop rocking back.

"D-daddy please! Not in the car!"

"So yours embarrassed being caught with your toy in the car, but not your yoga class?-pfft yoga all those streches must have been fun baby girl~ tell me what was your favourite? Is this a naughty little secret?" He spoke cheerfully amused by the predicament youd got yourself in

"No-no i didnt mean it! Daddy its not like that!"

"No? Then why do you have this in your little pussy babygirl?" He asked genuinely curious

"Its for you daddy! For your birthday! I made'em bigger so you can... all in..." you stuttered as he began fuckingnyou faster. But he stopped at your comment

"You've been getting yourself ready so daddy can fuck you deeper?" He said out loud as he managed to pull the car into the drive thanking god this was an automatic.

Cy-yeah! Please-Ugh daddy!?" You cried as with a quick flick of his hands your leggings were at your knees and the plig was pulled free.

He whistled low when he saw just what your stuffed yourself with... definitely longer then anything else he'd seen you use before.

You moaned as he left you needy on the edge.

He didnt waist time just feeling hos wet and horny you were had him fully erect already.

He ditched the plug on the passenger seat paying no mind to your yells of 'is gonna stain!'

Deft fingers latched onto your hips as he pulled himself free.

"God your such a good girl~ so precious" he purred before hoisting you to straddle him and without hesitation impaling you on him fully.

"F-Fuuuck! Daddy it oh god!" You groaned feeling him press you down onto his thighs tightly grinding hissing through his teeth.

"Fuck! Fuck thats-god your so hot! So tight babygirl~" you whined as your leggings at your knees was stretched across his chest pressing your legs high and spread like a resistance band holding you open to him

"Ah daddy ! Please! Fuck please move!" You cried for him to fuck you despite being on top.

He chuckled heeding you and held your waist tightly before lifting your, bobbing you up and down on him.

He grunted straightening his legs into the foot well and moved you faster, just like he would a fleshlight useing your body as his own toy, only this time you were accepting him entirely.

His head rested on the head rest and he moaned louder widening his thighs reveling in the feel of your ass beuching his balls as he drove deeper.

You panted moaning and wriggling squirming in his grasp as he used you properly for the first time.

You fought him as things got too much, but it was no use, he had clamped his hands on you and was too lost to give any wiggle room. You loved it!

Then finally with a huge growl and roar he tugged your hips to his in bruisong thrusts markingnyou with his fingers as he plundered you in the last few thrusts

Bringingnyou high enough you feared oud hit to roof of the car.

Just as quickly as he'd taken you he finished locking you to his lap pressing as far as he could into your body floddjng your jnsides sendingnyou into your own orgasm

You flexed and kicked your entire body trembling and fighting as he held you still feedinnyour cunt as much as he could.

"Fuck! Fuck that- why has it taken this long to try car sex" you panted slowly coming down from your high.

"I dont know, but fuck if that wasnt the best quicky we ever had"

"Beats the public bathroom" you agreed

"Hands down... soo round two?"

"Inside... i can hear kal barking" you uttere flushing tipping your head hearing the bear belting out the song of his people

"Good shout..." henry chuckled

"Henry... happy birthday" you uttered

"Thank you... it's best present ever... how long you been wearing them?"he said nodding to the plug that had left an embarrassing puddle onnthe leather.

"Only a week" you shrugged leaning over grasping the plug.

"Used to it then?" He quipped staringm off in thought

"Yeah pretty much... why?" You answered anxiously

"I expect this as my very own homecoming treat from now on babygirl... do you understand princess?"

"Yes daddy~ comemon lets go inside i want round two!" You giggled nodding to him excitedly. You don't mind the inconvenience of plugs if it gives you mind blowing sex

"I thought this was my present?" He pouted sweetly at how excited you were for his present

"You gonna say no to round two daddy?" You teased prodding his chest the little sweat patch on the grey tshirt making your mouth water, you couldn't help it you were far too gone.

"of course not! Lets get your cuffs out!" He laughed patting you ass prompting you to climb off of him and crawl back to the passenger seat and redress.

#henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #oh for fic sake headcannon #oh for fic sake ask #henry cavill smut #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fic

[cottoncandyjester]

Your blog is an absolute delight to browse through <33333

I adore your OCs. They all have their individual quirks and seeing you write them is a treat.

If you are accepting requests, I was wondering if you could do some reverse comfort for your OCs? Where they're not having a good day and their s/o comforts them.

I love yandere content but I am still a sucker for that good wholesome stuff :).

I absolutely love this

Also Was unsure if I should add salem in this cause a lot of people sent hate about him since i Introduced him cause he's disgusting but i did add him cause I love him and he needs love and support

Story contains: some angst, talk of self harm, fluffy fluff, soft boys

Theodore

You've never seen theo angry ever since you two got together but today he seemed to be stressed out, he was studying for a test and from the sounds of it he was going crazy. You walked towards the room only to hear a loud crash which made you jump and you rushed in

Theo had thrown his glasses across the room now sitting in the chair with his head in his hands a shaky sigh escaping him.

"im never going to get it, damn it.."

You looked at the papers scattered about and it looked like some intense stuff, you walked towards theo and hugged him from behind.

"take a break.."

Theo chuckled lightly before he leaned back looking in your eyes, it was clear he hasn't slept in a while.

"you know i can't do that angel, you get to bed though it's late"

You moved onto theo's lap which he allowed, he shivered lightly at the stern look in your eyes since he never seen you look this serious. He tried to settle your worries by giving you soft kisses on your neck but it seems you weren't easy to sway.

"theodore, I want you to get into bed with me and sleep right now."

The male sighed and looked at the clock on the study desk seeing it was about 2am, he did want sleep but he was far too worried about not passing to even think about it.

"sweetie, I have to study. How will I be a good husband if I don't finish college?"

"who says you arent already a good husband?"

Your words shocked him and he stared at you with a confused look before you lovingly wrap your arms around his neck and planting a soft kiss onto his lips.

"you're perfect theo, you don't have to constantly prove it okay? Don't ever doubt that."

Theodore was silent after that and he buried his face in your neck with a low hum, he truly didn't deserve you.

"you think I'm perfect?"

"of course I do, I love you so come and get some rest"

Theo decided to give in and lay down with you and for some reason when he did all those worries drifted away.

Hikaru

Hikaru didnt have time feeling sad, he was a model not to mention a public figure. He never lets you see that side of him unless it's to lash out at you but he onky does that in anger. Today was different, he was quiet today which Definitely wasn't like him

"hey, [y/n]?"

You looked up from your phone to look at the male who just got out the shower his hair still damp and he only wore sweatpants

"what's wrong? Want me to dry your hair again? You should put on a shirt before you get sick"

Hikaru said nothing and simply walked towards you and hugged you close making you both fall back on the bed, the shocked you and you started to pat hikaru on the back trying to get him off.

"h-hey! Are you okay? Are you sick?! Hikaru?!"

"I'm..sorry I'm really sorry, [y/n] dont leave cause I'm really sorry"

He was making zero sense and it only concerned you more but you heard sniffling which made you now freaked out so you softly pulled him back seeing tears rolling down his face.

"hey, why are you crying? What's wrong hikaru?"

The male sat up now sittinf on his knees and he kept his head down letting his hair cover his face as he tried to stop crying.

"I know you dont really love me, I'm mean and cold and awful. You want to leave don't you? But- but I don't want you to go! Im sorry I don't know how to love you i just don't know!"

Hikaru sounded an absolute mess and you didn't know where this was coming from but he simply out the male close into a hug letting him nuzzle his face into your chest as you played with his slightly damp hair.

"yeah, you are mean and cold..but I love you. You can be so sweet and really fun to be with, hikaru Im not going to leave no matter what"

"r-really? No matter what?"

"of course! After all without you my sense of style would be a mess!"

You heard a muffled chuckle escaping him as he hugged you tightly now resting his head on your chest

"you're an idiot."

With a cocky grin you poked his cheek earning a hushed whine of discomfort from you which you found adorable

"but I'm your idiot, so you're stuck with me!"

Axis

Axis is the type where he will tell you when he's sad, he's a crybaby so he will absolutely let you know when he needs comfort. So when the male popped up while you were thinking about what to do for dinner you figured he was feeling down

"what's wrong ax?"

"artblock..I have to come up with a new piece but i have nothing"

You gave a small hum before stopping and turned around wrapping your arms around him.

"well, how about we go on a date tonight we can go out to eat and do a bunch of fun stuff.."

"like fireworks?!"

You sighed loudly at your boyfriend's obsession with fireworks and decided to please him and his wishes

"we can get sparklers and small stuff okay?"

Axis smiled brightly and kissed your cheek over and over.

"date night date night!"

He started chanting like a child and you couldn't help but laugh at his antics but you were glad he wasn't sad anymore.

Prince

Prince hides his insecurities very well with flirting and smooth words, he likes you to think that he's all okay. you noticed he was far more clumsy today with things, it went from simply dropping things to full on tripping and falling.

Prince winced as he tripped and fell ontop of you earning an annoyed huff from you as you glared up at him for of his weird behavior that he brushes aside like its nothing

"prince what the hell is going on? You're being weird today"

Prince looked down at you before letting out a loud groan before nuzzling his face into your neck feeling quite embarrassed

"I'm scared..of our future"

"why would that scare you?"

Prince picked his head up and had a slight pout before he glanced away being unsure of how to put his words together.

"you're my first real serious relationship..what if I screw up?"

"oh princey.."

Your soft cooing made him even more embarrassed and he groaned while laying his face in your chest.

"you're amazing and great and I'm just..me!"

You simply messed with his hair finding his remark to be pretty dumb but you excused it cause he looked far too cute when pouty.

"prince, I love you forever and ever you aren't going to screw it up"

After a few minutes of silence he popped up and hopped to his feet with newfound energy

"you're right! I mean I'm pretty great! I bet you wanna marry me cause I'm so handsome!"

Well he was definitely back to normal

Yuki

It honestly took you weeks to figure out yuki was upset cause he is the master of hiding his emotions. He never shows many emotions besides a smile when around you or a glare when around strangers.

of course he doesn't talk about his feelings at all either so you are blissfully unaware of how he feels, until he slipped up and finally broke.

You had come home from shopping when you noticed how quiet the house was which was normal but it had an eerie feeling to it.

"is he taking a nap? Hmm.."

You went to the room and opened the door to see yuki curled up in the bed, the light were off and he was pretty quiet so you assumed he was sleeping but as you started to get ready for a shower when a muffled sniffle made you turn back to yuki and you walked to him before softly moving the blankets only to get a slight sight of tears before he buried himself deeper into the pillow to hide.

"y-yuki?"

"go."

You sat on the bed now fully invested in helping him but you had a feeling you knew what was wrong, you softly rubbed his back seeing that he was sweaty and slightly shaking.

"you have a nightmare?"

There was silence before he nodded and you simply laid next to him facing his back and softly touching his back your gentle touch being enough to cheer him up.

When he turned to face you his eyes were puffy yet had bags under them, his hair was a mess and he was breathing harshly from fear.

"wanna talk about i-"

"no."

You gave a sigh and simply cuddled against him and closed your eyes, his body stiffened but quickly relaxed before he held you close and closed his eyes

"just rest then. I'm here now okay?"

"mhm.."

Yuki smiled as he buried his face in your hair taking in your scent and feeling his body settle against yours. He didn't need words of comfort or huge signs of affection this was all he needed..you being here helped him far more than any words can.

Salem

When salem breaks down it's heartbreaking and intense, he gets into these PTSD triggered panic attacks to the point where he just loses it.

You had left the house and left him alone, it was only for a few hours but when you came back the bedroom was trashed and salem was freaking out curled up in the corner.

"b-bad boy, very bad super bad..I've been so bad I'm so sorry sorry sorry sorry"

"salem!"

You rushed to him and sat on your knees infront of him seeing fresh bruises and marks on his face, he probably hurt himself again.

"salem, baby look at me"

"b-bad boy..bad boys deserve death"

He was definitely not listening and you totally needed to snap him out of it so you did the one thing you could think of...you slapped him.

It wasn't too hard but he definitely looked up at you in shock now focused on what you had to say.

"you're not in that dark place anymore salem, you're here with me and no one is dying okay?"

"b-but I'm a sinner, I'm disgusting, revolting, i-"

You cut him off by selling your lips against his roughly kissing him and settling him down.

When you pulled back you gave him a stern gaze not letting him spill anymore degrading words out.

"listen to me salem. I love you and all your weird quirks! I don't care what anyone else says you're my boyfriend and I love you more than anything okay?"

"y-your lips t-taste like sugar.."

With that he leaned forward trailing his tongue over your lips with a shaky laugh

"thank you, [y/n]"

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #ocs #oc imagines #tw salem

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

#history 4: close to you #history 4 #li chen x mu ren #a thot

[shybre22]

Now for part two I will be doing Ichihime.

Honestly I knew Ichihime would be endgame from early on in the manga and series.

A lot of IR claim that Ichihime doesnt make sense or that they have no development..which at this point I think this is what any anti for any pairing in every anime say.. because that's obviously not true at all.

Even from the very beginning.. not only do we know that Orihime likes Ichigo, but Ichigo seems to pay attention to Orihime, extra close at times.

In this panel, he admits that he worries about her and watching her wears him out with worry, he even wonders if she's really alright. Now its important to remember that this is fairly earlier in the story and at this time Orihime is only an acquaintance at best..but here he is worrying about her.

Not only does he notice her getting hurt...but during the Fullbringer arc he said that she was more likely to get followed or stalked than him when Orihime asked if anyone has been following him.

Hell he's even offered to walk her home.

Weird considering they're only acquaintances at this point right? While I know it's rare for the shounen protagonist to have a crush right off the bat..for arguments sake let's say you look at ichihime interactions with the idea that Ichigo has some sort of crush on Orihime. I feel like his interactions with her make more sense throughout the series and keep this I mind through this post.

Now antis always love to say that Orihime didn't understand Ichigo or couldn't encourage him like Rukia could..but..

Here! Even Tatsuki who has known him since childhood couldn't tell it wasnt Ichigo or his other friends.. but Orihime does notice..she knows that's not him right away.

And here Orihime right away knew he wasn't acting like himself...even Tatsuki was impressed, she said it took her years to figure that out.

Oh yeah she cant encourage him right?? Not only did she give Ichigo the resolve to go save Rukia..but during the Grimmjow fight.. Ichigo was so afraid of frightening Orihime with his mask that he wasn't focusing on the battle.. know think about that..he was so scared to frighten Orihime he wasn't fighting..knowing he could die or get really hurt.

I also hear antis say that Orihime is horrible for being scared of Ichigo when he was still fighting to save her but they need to understand that in the first few chapters of bleach..Orihime was attacked by her brother..her beloved brother, the only family she ever had before he died and he attacked her..as a hollow..and now she's looking at the man she loves with a hollow mask and she's afraid FOR him not necessarily OF him..she's afraid he'll turn completely hollow( which is fair, considering he does later during the ulquiorra fight).

Then all she had to say " please dont die..you dont have to fight for me and you dont have to win..just please dont get hurt". And Ichigo was ready to fight for real..then beat Grimmjow.

She was also able to feel his pain somehow and knew he was crying when he got his powers stolen despite her being far away from him at the time.

Not to mention at this time she was brainwashed by Tsukishima making her and Chad think Ichigo was the one going crazy, but even though she was brainwashed to think it was Tsukishima who she loved..her heart knew better and still felt Ichigo's pain even without seeing him.

Not to mention she was able to see he had a plan to defeat Ywach just from one look into his eyes.

So yeah.. Orihime does understand Ichigo more than most..and just because Rukia does too doesnt mean he should be with her.

And on Ichigo's side antis also say he doesn't care about Orihime only Rukia..and if he does care it's only because Ichigo is protective of his friends.

Now it's clear through the whole series that Ichigo does care about all his friends..but it's also apparent that Ichigo does hold Orihime to a different standard.

This is not far into the story..at this point they are still only classmates and only a few pages ago Ichigo refused to take over Rukia's Soul reaper duties..until he found out a hollow was after Orihime.

Or when Yammy and Ulquiorra hurt Orihime..they also hurt Tatsuki and Chad but he was shown to be obsessing over Orihime ( despite the fact she could literally reverse her injuries) and the fact Tatsuki was a human with no powers should've made him worry over her more..but he felt so guilty for not protecting Orihime he couldn't even look her in the eyes..it got so bad that Rukia made him go to her and look her in the eye and he vowed to never let anyone hurt her again, pluse he didn't apologize to anyone else..just Orihime. I also find it funny how Rukia seems to be a ichihime shipper while her fans hate Orihime and want her to be with Ichigo..I find it funny.

Then we all know how hurt he was when Orihime got taken to Hueco Mundo.. Yes I understand he did rescue Rukia as well but he even said its because he owed her..and he did he owe her his and his families lives..and she was his friend and only on death row because of him. But with Orihime she chose to go to protect her friends and Ichigo had no obligations to her other than she was his friend..

He also walked around like a zombie not even caring when Tatsuki beat the hell out of him asking where Orihime was. He even yelled and threw a fit at the captain commander(you know the strongest soul reaper alive) for suggesting she was a traitor..

He even went against the entire soul society wishes (as a substitute soul reaper no less) to go find Orihime in Hueco Mundo.

One of my favorite scenes is when Ichigo was hurrying to go help Chad and Rukia who were badly injured at the time..when Ulquiorra appears and tries to goad him into a fight.. nothing works until Ulquiorra mentions he was the one who brought Orihime to Hueco Mundo ..which in turn infuriates Ichigo and he swings his sword at him in a blind rage..(remember he was supposed to be helping Chad and Rukia who were injured) but he was so angry that he was the one who brought Orihime there...he didn't say he hurt her or tortured her...he only said he brought her. And. Ichigo. Flipped.

One of my other favorite scenes is when he almost literally rises from near death to get Grimmjow's hands off of Orihime

LET GO OF HER! Was the first thing he says never mind he was almost dead a few minutes ago and still can barely stand. And look at that face his eyes mean business.

And of course one of the most epic Ichihime moments is when Ulquiorra defeats Ichigo and kills him.. he hears Orihime calling for help as Ulquiorra advances to her.. and as he's dying he hears her and tells himself he needs to help her and protect her..even in death he needs to protect her. And yes I'm aware that his inner hollow is the one keeping him from dying..but the only reason Hichigo doesnt completely take over Ichigo and lose his humanity was his will to protect Orihime. Ichigo was chanting " help her", "help her", over and over like a mantra..that's was the last shred of his humanity and even his last shred of humanity wanted nothing more than to protect Orihime.

Not only is Ichigo extra protective of Orihime..but he get flustered around her too.

Like during The Thousand Year Blood War Arc.. when Ichigo was asked by Chad if he liked Orihime's outfit ( Which was very revealing..especially in the boob area) and Ichigo was blushing like an idiot of course.

While most antis swear it's just because Orihime is very beautiful and has a very large chest..remember Chad or Uryu didn't react despite them being males as well..just Ichigo.

Not only that but all of Ichigos enemies always use Orihime to bait him into fights. Enemies like Grimmjow, Nnotora, Ulquiorra, and even Ginjo..they all taunted him about how he was so determined to protect Orihime that they would use her presence to push Ichigo into fighting them.

Antis also claim that they didn't develop.. they went from classmate acquaintances to friends fighting side by side in battle. Orihime went from being shy and stuttering and being nervous in his room to borrowing manga from him and just marching in his room and both teasing each other. Ichigo also went from wanting to protect Orihime by leaving her on the side lines and out of harm's way.. to trusting her to be his shield in battle.

IR"s also claim that Rukia is better than Orihime because she's stronger. Now I know Rukia is strong no doubt..especially when she finally releases her bankai. But for most of the series she hardly does anything..even my husband noticed she only won like two or three fight the whole series and most of the time she was so beat up after she looks like she lost the fight. I'm not trying to talk down on Rukia I love her actually.. it's just is you go back and read the manga..Rukia didn't do much either.. plus Orihime actually has a really really OP power she just doesn't have the heart to hurt anyone so she usually uses her shield or healing, but just like Rukia they didn't do much with her powers.

In the end Ichihime had quite a bit of development..I'm not saying Rukia and Ichigo didnt have a bond..because they had a strong one..but that doesn't always mean romantic..I always felt it was more brother/ sister type than anything. But if you go back and look at all of the Ichihime moments you'll realize their bond as well..you'll realize that Orihime was always their during the really important times and fights.. like the Grimmjow fight, Ulquiorra, fight, the Nnotora fight, his Fullbringer training, his Visored training, and she stood side by side with him in the Ywach fight.

He was actually separated from Rukia more than he was with her..even when they were in the same places..they were always separated. Kubo..I feel made it very clear from early on that ichihime would be endgame..I feel some people were just in denial.

[movedthechangingman]

(1) I am watching atla for the first time and I know why zuko redemption worked while other’s (kylo, catara) failed, Zuko always has honor and was shown to care and make good decisions and be a good person even at his lowest points, like when he cared about his crew or tried to help and save a little kid even though the family and the kid ended up rejecting him, he never did something outrageous and he had time to learn and sort out his feelings before making a turn around and join the gang

putting this under a cut!

(2) azuko always acted upon what he believed was the right thing, once he was exposed to the outer world he learned how awful the fire nation was and the chain of abuse he was living in, he by himself made the decision and has 2 season in order to redeem himself while characters like Cassandra (tangled) and Catra had seasons of upping the stakes and acting more and more awful each time and only one season where the narrative are like “they were under someone else control and they were abused” (3) “so they nice blonde best friend who acts more like their sister and who they were abusing and victim blaming has to forgive them for everything bad they did because they were uwu abused too” and it seems many people like that which fine, if this was characterized as a delicate situation, where it could turns bad, which could turn to be even toxic, I wouldn’t have a problem with, but it is framed as beautiful and as good and as “true love!” (4) without the main aggressors Catra and Cassandra putting as much in their relationship as their blonde counterpart Adora and Raps who are forced to act as a matyr till they get fed up with their friends abuse and toxicity and put their foot down yet they always end up forgiving their abuser’s transgressions by the end somehow, it seems like the classic tale of “if he pulls your hair or means he likes you” which it’s most similar to (5) To the honeymoon or the reconciliation stage of an abusive relationship cycle’s, nothing assures you that the abuse won’t continue on but they sell it out as this wonderful and beautiful love story which it’s plain wrong, and I feel that it doesn’t receives as muy flack because it’s F/F but in reality in a relationship one has to be consistently good and reliable and as a bisexual women I feel like they are doing a disservice and it’s worse because it’s directed towards kids (5) and lastly both Wlw parings were being either outright mentioned or hinted at by the show or crew as this characters having a “sister bound” with Cassandra and Rapunzel Being outright being described as sisters in the show and Catara and Adora being described as that by the crew and with them growing having the same motherly figure and having a clear case of golden and scapegoat child, which coupled with the abuse they suffered at hands of their paternal figure and at each other hands makes the situation very gross

i have never seen ATLA outside of the first 3 eps but that is the general consensus ive heard. i have also never seen rapunzel TAS but i watched/read a bunch of spoiler stuff for it but i think my understanding is still loose. i also heard that he wasnt a villain very long idk how true that is though. but youre right from what im reading! i think it is important for your character to have an appropriate amount of time to make up for their actions... its also important with these redemption stories for the character to address the things they did, like not a “sorry for the things or whatever” but “i am sorry i did x , x, and x” etc IMO and there needs to be work put into making things right. and the victim should not necessarily be the one pushing them through that...

like i can say for certain if c*tra was a dude there would be a HUGE discourse about the fact that yeah, she really is that “mean because they have a crush on you” BS and whats most horrifying is that it seems like noelle saw NO problem with how she portrayed that relationship and all the guilt and suffering adra went through bc of ctra was really supposed to be romantic. fcking insane. like if it was just a fandom ship w.e.... ppl always gonna ship characters if they hate eachohter... but the actual creators saying its romantic is SO WTF abuse isnt negated by it being el gee bee tee rep and whats awful is i think people REALLY believe it is. not to mention uh your WLW love interest being an physically + emotionally volatile fascist who canonically does not care that she goes out to her way to aid violent takeover of innocents for a dictatorship is already like. huh.

(i mentioned also like even seagawk and mermista - her constant “uuuugh youre so annoying” about him is supposed to be cute apparently.... like noelle posted a pic of her in a shirt that says “im with stupid” pointing at seahawk and... like... that would be funny if they had healthy communication and she didnt seriously treat him like he was an idiot 24/7... but if this was reversed it would be a huge problem and everyone would flip out.)

i never thought catra and adora were written very sisterly since its undeniable that there was a clear attraction between them in the early part of the show but holy fck if the crew did say that.... ugh... although i agree it is really skeevy that their plot revolves around an abusive mother which i feel inforces the “adoptive siblings arent real siblings” pseudo incest trope as much as i think the interactions between catra and adora were not sisterly in how they were written. if that makes sense

i hate to bring up SU but i think it covers this topic really well w spinel - whos so toxic she literally poisoned people - while steven does set her on her path, he does not make himself responsible for her redemption. we get a snippet of that later ofc - where we see that she is trying to become better while also helping the other abusive characters through their change (which we also see is still ongoing - those behaviors havent been fully unlearned - nothing can be fixed that quickly). and most notably the victim (steven) while tolerating them through their attempts at change and encouraging them, does not forgive them and makes an open effort to distance himself even while his abusers still want him to help them 24/7.

whats bothering me the most is not that ppl enjoy these ships bc no matter what people will and you cant stop them but rather that ppl refuse to admit that something they like is abusive - either bc they want to save face as a unproblematic fandom blogger or bc they are 100% unwilling to take critique on something they like, to the point where now ppl wont accept any criticism on she ra at all as a show even if it has nothing to do w the awful excuse for romance.

#Anonymous #iggyanswers #abuse tw -/////

[homestuckkinnies]

hello! so glad you’re open again, you’re my favorite blog for requesting tarot readings, but speaking of, can i have a tarot reading about what happened to me in my john timeline after my dad died? specifically like, who i went to live with, where i lived, stuff like that. i know it was when i was either 13 or 16 so i had to be staying with someone but idk who. i’m not really sure if it’s a question that can easily be answered with tarot, but i have no leads whatsoever and just really want to know. if you think there’s a better way to answer that question than using tarot, you can do that instead. thank you!!

Hello There Dear! Im So Sorry For The Wait! This Is A Little Difficult To Answer With Tarot, But I Believe We Can Do It. Please See Under The Cut For What You Seek

- Mod Kanaya

I Went And Tried Making A New Spread For This, Which I Have Never Done Before - So Please Do Forgive Me For Any Inaccuracies Or Mistakes. If You Do Not Like It, I Can Attempt To Repurpose My Relationship Spread To Fit What You Need

On The Process Of Being Taken In To A New Home - Ace Of Wands

This Card Is Like A Beginning Of New Things, Starting With That Drive And Inspiration, Just A Spark Of Creativity That Brings Forth A Flame. It Sparks From Inspiration And Desire. So How Does This Reflect Onto The Process Of Being Taken In To A New Home? How Does This Tell Us What The Process Was Like? Well First Lets Look At You, Finding A New Home Must Have Been Something You Wanted. My Guess Is That You Just Wanted To Achieve A Sense Of Normalcy, Or Finally Be Ok Again, And To You - Perhaps This Meant Finding A Home. Regardless, You Didnt Seem To Dread It. Maybe There Was An Outside Reason That You Were Excited Amongst The Pain Of Losing A Loved One, Perhaps Your New Home Would Have Something Special For You.

On The Subject Of Your Guardian - Knight Of Pentacles (Reversed)

Well, Whoever Your Caretaker Was, They Had An Incredible Tunnel Vision. This Could Have Been In Relationship To You, With Good Intentions In Mind But Practically Obsessive And Oddly Detached, Often Times Lazy. Or Perhaps This Was In Relationship To Their Life As A Whole, Their Poor Work Ethic And Inaction Causing Them Misfortune Or Poverty. If Im Being Honest, My First Thought When I Read This Was Rose Lalonde And Her Mom. That Being Said, I Cannot Say Whether You Moved In With A Friend Or Not. However, If That Sounds Right, Consider That Mom Lalonde Could Have Taken You In. I Can Imagine The Whiplash Of This Parenting Style In Comparison To Your Father, And The Sudden Change May Have Made You Miss Him Even More.

On The Subject Of Your Environment - III Of Pentacles

There Were Definitely More People Around Than Just You And Your Guardian, I Would Say You Had Some Step Siblings By The End Of This Process. Despite The Failures Of Your Caretaker, You Managed To Work Together To Make Your Home Environment Better For Sake Of The Greater Cause, Despite It Not Being Your Responsibility. You Built A Home, And I Would Say That At The End Of Everything, You Found Comfort In It, Which Must Have Been A Hard Thing To Go Through.

On The Subject Of Grief - The Star

The Star Comes After The Tower, It Is In Ever Sense Of The Term The Light At The End Of The Tunnel. I Cant Say For Sure It Happened Straight Away, Because Grief Is Different For Everyone And It Is A Hard, Hard Thing, But It Sounds Like You Found Something, Whether It Was A Home, Or An Event That Happened In Your Timeline, You Found It And It Was An Anchor That Gave You Hope And Purpose Again. It Pushed You To Move On, And Live Your Life Again.  I Hope This Helps John! Remember That You Know Your Timeline Best!

#mod kanaya #john egbert kin #john egbert tarot reading #tarot #tarot reading #john egbert tarot #homestuck kin

[thegeminisage]

5 headcanons for Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, and Gwen

ANON I LOVE YOU thank u

im doing these in reverse order bc i wanna save the best 4 last

GWEN:

i think she genuinely enjoys taking care of people. it’s a role she’s forced into a lot - she takes care of her dad, elyan, morgana, uther, even merlin and arthur once in awhile, even HUNITH - but i think she’s the kind of person who finds genuine fulfillment in doing that kind of thing (she picked FLOWERS for morgana just because), and if she hadn’t been the blacksmith’s daughter she would have made a fine apprentice to gaius herself

she’s a better rider than you. and arthur. and elyan. and morgana. and everybody

we never hear word one about gwen’s mom but i like to imagine she died just before gwen and morgana met (which i’m assuming happened shortly after morgana came to camelot) - and gwen, who had just lost a mother, could easily sympathize with morgana, who had just lost a father and was somewhere new and unfamiliar - and that’s why they became such fast friends

gwen is probably a few years older than morgana - i like to think she was morgana’s maidservant from the start, but i don’t think they would have let her be a maidservant to the king’s ward at age 10, so maybe she’s 3ish years older - not so much older she strays into big sister territory, but old enough to do the job required of her

nobody among the knights/guards really knew what to make of gwen or arthur’s feelings for gwen because she’s ??? just a serving girl ??? like they didn’t dislike her exactly and they respected arthur’s choice for the most part but they also didn’t know anything about her and couldn’t see why the fuck arthur would make such a stir over her when it would be so much easier not to. this changes 100% after gwen’s shenanigans with smuggling leon out of camelot; leon comes back singing her praises like ok ok i GET HER now y’all ain’t gonna believe how she got me outta that cell and on leon’s word (and because she’s elyan’s brother and he’s a knight now too) everybody else warms up to her too

MORGANA:

this is practically canon but she’s a lesbian, obviously. gwen was the first girl she had a crush on

this isn’t a headcanon exactly but i wish bbc merlin had had a better budget because you know who deserved a black cat familiar? morgana. like, aithusa made a wonderful foil to merlin’s relationship w/ kilgarrah and i would not wish aithusa’s fate on any creature let alone some poor innocent cat, but also, the IMAGERY...it could have been so good

this is also sort of canon but i think she dresses expressively, hence the goth look after she goes evil. @dellesayah​ & i joke about her “evil girl eyeliner” in season 3 but honestly look the way the girl wears 100% black in s4 and s5 i think the eyeliner was her own private expression of her inner angry goth post-poisoning when she still had to be wearing those colorful dresses to fool everybody into thinking she was the same good girl morgana in s3

same age as arthur. idk why most fics have her being older - tho i admit her being older but still not being able to inherit the crown is a VALID source of her rage - but if she was born w/ magic is makes the most sense for her to have been born after the purge started, aka after arthur. i guess it depends on when you think uther cheated on his wife lol. but i never really thought of morgana and arthur as having like an older/younger sibling thing - to me they were more like twins, so definitely within a year of his age, whether it’s slightly older or younger depends on how you feel that day i guess

wintertime birthday. i think arthur has a summertime birthday (more on that below) so it makes her a nice balance to him in that way

MERLIN:

the Most doting son ever. i imagine he had a few difficult teenage years (being a warlock and all) and that he still gets himself into trouble out of sheer stupidity sometimes but aside from that he was probably really well-behaved for the most part just because he didn’t wanna make his mama sad

autumn birthday, since we went there with morgana (to complete the quad in Balance, gwen’s would definitely have to be in the spring)

ok i know colin morgan had to like put on a nice “proper” english accent for the show because katie mcgrath didn’t have one but in my heart merlin sounds like a HICK (whatever the ye olde englishe/modern british version of hick sounds like, he’s it) and his accent only gets worse for all the time they’re at ealdor. like arthur THOUGHT it was bad he probably picked on merlin about it all the time but he had NO IDEA how bad it gets! none! and EVERYBODY in ealdor sounds like that except somehow EVEN WORSE! gwen and morgana think it’s UTTERLY charming but arthur is SO GLAD to get back to camelot and away from all that nonsense! and so then ok when they meet balinor in s2 (who speaks like a normal human being) he listens to merlin talk for 5 minutes and IMMEDIATELY knows exactly where the fuck he’s from. #hicksrepresent

merlin SAYS and BELIEVES he understands magic should only be used for great deeds blah blah blah but when he gets overworked and short on time, yeah, that armor’s gonna be polishing itself while he works on 4 other things at once - he just gets better at not being caught. it’s a great deed to keep arthur’s armor in peak condition, right? arthur says he’s a terrible servant but actually being magically aided he winds up being like...really good at his job, once he gets into the swing of it. he’s just fucking insubordinate always 24/7

*** ****** no i will not be taking constructive criticism

ARTHUR:

he knew they lied to him in 2.08. he always knew. canon evidence supports this in 4.03 he says “i lost both my parents to magic” listen to me he ALWAYS KNEW!!!

canon also semi-supports a summertime birthday - i read somewhere once that they made it a point to only show camelot in spring thru early fall so they didn’t have to explain why there wasn’t snow on the ground. arthur’s coming of age ceremony (which i assumed either followed or preceeded his birthday) was in the middle of season 1, which would have been mid or late summer, hence: arthur is a summer baby.

i really like the gay!arthur headcanon but i also think he and gwen have incredible chemistry and i really like their relationship so like...maybe gay with one genuine exception. also that boy EMBODIES internalized homophobia :( poor lad

fond of DOGS and sometimes HORSES but refuses to show it because that’s not very manly of him. he’s too into hunting to truly be an Animal Person but since you don’t hunt dogs or horses generally he has a very very secret soft spot

the writers didnt do this on purpose but in my heart i believe the reason he was willing to risk SO much to save mordred in 1.08 was because of what he did to that druid camp from 4.10......like at first yeah he tries to be hard-hearted about it & just do his fuckin job but i think once his conscience was tripped he couldn’t stand to see a druid kid die again under his watch for no good reason. he’d’ve never agreed otherwise, not even for a kid. he wouldn’t have ratted morgana out but he wouldn’t have helped her either

(send me a character & i’ll give you 5 headcanons)

#personal #liz answers asks #ask memes #merlin blogging #bbc merlin #long post

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so! 

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

#my au #My writing #sander sides au #sanders sides #sander sides fanfiction #human au #lamp fanfiction #LAMP #ts demus #ts remile #ts #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #ts virgil #ts deceit #ts remus #dukedontlook #roman sanders #virgil sanders #fanged virgil #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #remy sanders #ts emile #emile picani

[werevulvi]

Face my fragmentation

“The distinction between performance and reality, always caught up entangled Not knowing if what I know is truth, or beliefs carefully mangled Did my past deception ring true at the end or am I just reconciling with what I cannot bend? In the sanctuary of my own home, do I wear my true face? As it changed with time and testosterone, its nuances shifted out of place With my senses hightened outside, I'm unaware of what I hide Yet I call for no reduction of what I became; I remain yet the same I thrifted pieces of my shame, to once again be restored into pride I'm perpetually misjudged by my appearance, but I let it slide for the sake of my privacy, when the need to know basis is none but it still twists my gut, telling me that my womanhood is gone Have I sought to become what I already am, or am I trying to be what is beyond my reach; a pipedream of tricks and tragedy Wearing stage makeup for casual pursuits, the tedium I'm trying to exhale but I cannot differentiate freedom from what's cheaply on sale And I begin to wonder, if what's chasing me is my destination if I should turn around to further face my fragmentation My bits of male and female; chafing together, comforting apart each belonging to different pieces of my shattered heart” Ah, the perpetual confusion continues! I still feel as though I've some amount of conflict between what I consider my male traits and female parts. That I like them all but can't quite put them together. And I'm thinking that has something to do with my traumatised mind still being very fragmented, despite having integrated with my alter. Like that integration didnt exactly make all of my dissociative symptoms go away. And being in a constant dissociative fog surely makes it hard to figure out what is me being true to myself or accidentally creating yet another persona. Especially considering much of my dysphoria was caused by the traumas that also caused my dissociative issues. So how I perceive my body both genderly and in general are very linked together. There's no clear distinction yet every aspect of me is so far apart. Like two similar things placed in two different rooms, and the time it takes to walk from one thing to the other makes you forget how different or similar they actually are. I dont think my body or my mind being androgynous makes me any less female or not a woman, its not that. But I'm not blind to how the rest of the world sees me and I'm also not immune to its effects on how I perceive myself as a consequence. I have thought, although only in sheer desperation, about if it would be easier to "just" live as a feminine trans man. But I dont want to cause it goes against everything I feel about myself as a woman. It would be like admitting defeat. Like saying it actually was "too late" into transition for me to detrans. And I'm not the kind of person who gives up about what matters to me really a lot. Not that I dont give up easily, but that I simply DON'T give up. Like no matter how hard it is. I keep trying until I manage, and only sometimes temporarily retreat. And I know that my fight/right to be a woman is something that I cannot and wont give up on. No matter how much I'll stumble and fall. But how do I conquer these obsticles? And how do I learn to live as an ambiguous woman who's constantly perceived as male? How do I handle this consatant feeling of having been robbed of my womanhood? How difficult it is to feel welcome in any lesbian community or women only space in general, when looking like a man (i.e a threat). Worrying about being tossed out of bathrooms cause I'm too scared of walking into the mens room to put on makeup, while wearing a dress and fake boobs. Worrying about locker rooms for when I'll start practicing karate again, as I highly doubt there will be a gender neutral option for that. Cause im terrified of showering naked with a bunch of naked men, cause open showers is standard in my country, and I'm sure that other women in their locker room would freak out if I walked in there, cause that's happened before. I know I'll have to have a conversation with the instructors at that karate club about my locker room issue, but still.

That is why I still hold off on starting practicing at my island's only karate club, but it's a dream that I cannot hold off on forever. I'm thinking it might be easier to "prove my case" when I'm legally female again, and for other practical reasons it would be more convenient to wait until after my breast reconstruction surgery has been done and healed properly as well. But how I'm perceived by others based solely on my looks (and voice) will continue to be ambiguous at best, as I'm keeping and cherishing my traits from testosterone. It's not that I care about random people's opinions of me, cause I don't. It's that it makes those kinds of social situations difficult to deal with and solve. And I feel like I'm stuck in a tight web about it. The ways in which my dysphoria slithers around in me is confusing and exhausting to try to figure out and get a grasp of. But I've come to understand now that basically: as a trans man I was happy with what testosterone did for me and I for the first started finally liking parts of my body. It was an over all positive experience for me. But I hated living as a man and forcing myself to be masculine. It felt like a burden that alienated me, as I couldn't connect to either men or other women anymore, and I felt that more and more over the years, like some abstract force that became mysteriously heavier over time. Until I understood that I was going against my nature. It felt good at first, but then felt increasingly heavier and like a burden, that social role and the lie that I tried to become. Top surgery (about 5 years into my social transition) made it worse cause it was such a jarring experience. Sadly, I hated my breasts until the day they were gone... then I missed them. It only traded one kind of suffering for another, and I had no idea that would happen. That made me even more confused, but I was afraid of my feelings so I bottled them and shoved them away. For 4 years.

Then when I started healing from my traumas and I began to fall in love with my body and my personality, detransition was just around the corner and it happened so fast. It was literally like I woke up that morning feeling like I was a man like always, and when I went to bed that night I knew I was a woman and regretted it all. As well as instantly ditching the masculinity I had forced myself into, for my long lost femininity. That strong contrast was a tad overwhelming!

However, now reflecting back on it, I don't think most of that instant regret I felt was really that, but rather that it was an expression of my inner conflict between the liberation of finally connecting with my womanhood for the first time ever, and my love for my male physical traits that clashed with the idea of womanhood that had been imprinted into my brain by society. Or to put it more simply: my love for my androgynous body clashed with my false view of myself as a traditionally feminine woman. I felt stuck with my androgyny when in fact there was never anything wrong with either me or my androgyny, but I couldn't put it together with being a woman. Cause I felt suddenly threatened by it. I felt like I was somehow newly a woman, and my old-fashioned, conservative view of what I thought women "should" look like made me attack the one thing I had finally come to love, which was what had brought me to see myself as a woman to begin with: my body. Eventually, as I became more stable over time in my detransition, I started to find my way back to that love I always had for my male traits, and tried to basically integrate them into my newfound womanhood, but that was and still is a struggle. Even just getting myself to walk outside with a beard visible on my face and with any amount of confidence to do so, since detransing, has taken me around 6 months so far, and it's still a work in progress. I keep fighting it, viewing my facial hair as a threat to my womanhood while still loving it. Is it right, is it wrong, that I still love my beard? I know that does not matter, but my emotions don't give a fuck about that. They won't listen to reason. But I see that I am beautiful with strikingly intense looks, self-love and pride showing through behind a hesitant smile, when I allow myself to wear my beard like the part of my body that it now is. I do not want to get rid of it, but I definitely want to get rid of the social stigma around bearded women with deep voices. But that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So I'm gonna have to live with that stigma, reluctantly.

And even during that time, I sometimes, or even most of the time, directed my frustration with being misgendered towards my beloved male traits, as if they were the enemy and not society. Cause I'm just as much forced to live in this society as I am forced to live with my own body... it takes much work to not let either of those two drive me crazy. Having and keeping my male features literally does me no harm at all. Especially not considering I'm no longer taking the testosterone, only keeping its permanent effects. Actually I think trying to reverse those effects would be more harmful than keeping them. I know I'd always rather listen to my heart than society when it comes to making any kinds of permanent changes to my body. But I'll still hear society, regardless of how much I don't listen to it. And sometimes what it says just fucks me up and makes me sad. I know I would be dysphoric again if I got rid of my male traits. I know because for everytime I've considered it and used any sort of words like "removing" or "lasering off" or "getting rid of" those traits, it has made my stomach turn in a mentally painful twist. And I know because I'd regret it if I got rid of them. That I would grieve their loss, just like I grieved the loss of my breasts. And I don't wanna go through that with any more parts of my body. Even just thinking about it makes me wanna protect myself.

Truth is I don't wanna look either completely female or completely male, as for my physical appearance. But I'm fine with simply being biologically female regardless of how I want to appear. It's a fact I've no issue with anymore, and I'm no longer dysphoric about any of my remaining female parts, like I used to be. But I do not want to again look like I never transitioned to begin with. I do not miss my voice being higher pitched at all, or having a smooth face, a less hairy body or a smaller clit. My style is mostly feminine, but my body is a mix of male and female traits.

(Just to clarify, I use the word "male" instead of "masculine" when it comes to my transitioned physical traits because masculinity is a social construct, but such physical traits (like beards, deep voices, etc) are much more closely associated with male biology than any social construct. And vice versa for my female traits.) Am I less female for having some additional male traits? No, I'm still 100% female, but now with some additional male traits. I'm a woman who went through both female and male puberty, hormonally. And I like it that way, but I never liked to regularly dress masculine, and I've also never liked having a totally female-appearing body and face either. I've wanted a deep voice and facial hair ever since I was 12 years old. Whatever it means, it's not a new or sudden wish. I've had it for most of my life, which is probably why I'm so happy to have those traits now. But I also don't and can't think of myself as a feminine man, no matter how much I look like one on the surface. It's just an illusion, a consequence of my transition+style. It was a choice, and I really don't know if I regret that choice or not. Transitioning, as a whole, didn't quite turn out as I had intended. I guess that's all I really know for sure. My chest is now my only source of dysphoria. Cause I guess I can regret top surgery without also regretting testosterone. Or maybe I just want new boobs regardless of if I have chest dysphoria or not, and consider the risks of getting new boobs worth it to connect better with my body as a beautiful (not necessarily in a sexual way) and comforting meatsuit to carry around my soul (or brain, if you don't believe in souls) in. I kinda intend for my detransition to take me "halfway back" in a sense. Like two steps forward and one step back. I see myself as a woman now only cause I made peace with my body being female, but I don't really think I have an actual gender per se. I don't identify AS a woman, although in a sense I do identify WITH womanhood; as in female biology, actually natural femininity and being a lesbian.

My androgynous looks are intentional now, and I intend to rock it as well as I can. My body is solely for myself, but of course I can't and shouldn't hide completely from others just because they're not my target audience. My body is my only true home and I don't like it too plain and undecorated. I'm not a minimalist by far, I feel comforted and up-lifted by some colours, tinsel and patterns in my near presense to brighten up the gloom in my tortured mind. Looking fancy for no particular occasion, for my mental health, is a good and quite harmless type of self-care. Although perhaps not ideal, it's still far better than self-harm. Ultimately, how I perceive myself is just as a woman, and neither my transition to male nor my detransition to physically nonbinary quite reflect that, but they don't need to. But what my detransition does need is work the fuck together with my self-perception. I'm scavenging for a strategy to achieve that kind of inner team work. I know this text became really long, but I wanted to still include all that reflecting on my transition and detransition so far. Cause I wouldn't have ended up here without all those experiences. (And no I won’t make this post a “read more” thing cause I know you guys are too lazy to click on such things.)

#detransition #what i regret and what i dont #poem #my writing #my poem #reflecting #inner conflict #me vs society #androgyny #womanhood #dissociation #self perception #long post

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

Chat: Jo + Anna binding thing

(for Lexy)

<Jo> *Jo’d waited until the other was settled enough that she could slip off - already know exactly where she did and didn’t want to go. The second she got in front of the slightly beat up doorway, she was knocking. Hard. Grey’d given her the idea that Anna might have been involved, but the blonde woman was really hoping that wouldn’t be the case as she keeps thudding on the door* “Anna, open up!”

<Anna> *Anna hasn’t drank all night and she can feel it, she’s nervous and anxious waiting to hear back from Ruby and wondering if Gray will be alright once it’s done. There’s no promis that she’ll even see him after this so she doesn’t know. She’s almost asleep when the hard knock on her door makes her jump and for a moment she hopes but then she hears Jo’s voice, sighing she yells it’s open*

<Jo> *Taking in the other’s appearance for a second, Jo shoulders her way past her roughly to stalk around the room, as though looking for signs of the other monster or anything which might give a hint. The small bowl sitting on the kitchen counter full of summoning pieces makes the thought Anna wasn’t involved drift away a little, but she reassures herself it could have been old* “Hi Anna, you do anything interesting last night?” *Jo’s tone is sharp, a forced sense of familiarity and niceness behind it as she pins the other woman with a look*

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes at Jo’s agression. It must be done whatever had to have happened by the way the blond hunter is acting and she closes the door.* “I went and saw Gray, he’s still fevered and I’m worried about the fact his leg isn’t getting better despite the pills.” *Anna crosses her arms looking at Jo, questioning why the other woman hasn’t taken care of this problem.*

<Jo> “Oh? I doubt that’s going to be an issue much longer though, right?” *Jo hisses out, keeping a scowl off her face with as much control as she can. That Gray was still sick when Anna last saw him was interesting, so whatever happened Anna musn’t have been there for it.*

<Anna> “Why are you planning to finally break the marks on his back?” *Anna raises an eyebrow at Jo. She can feel her heart racing and she’s suddenly glad Ruby didn’t give her details of what must have happened by how pissed Jo seems now.*

<Jo> *Jo glares this time at the almost accusing sound to the other’s question, crossing her arms tightly and digging her fingers into the muscle of her own arms rather than give into the temptation to hit something* “I would /never/ have done that Anna. Not with what it required to do otherwise.” *Swallowing down the option to throw her own accusation, the blonde quirks an eyebrow back at Anna*

<Anna> “And what does that require Jo? What could possibly be so bad you are leaving Gray like he is with an infection that might kill him because obviously his body without his healing powers can’t handle it!” *Anna is this time the one close to screaming as she walks over to Jo, glaring at her as she challenges Jo.*

<Jo> “Aside from the fact I’m a /hunter/ and his being powerless is a /good thing/ for everyone else?” *Jo fires back, tilting her head up slightly as she meets Anna’s challenge. After a beat she shakes her head and lets out a sharp laugh* “Like I fucking said, that’s not going to be a problem any more, and honestly maybe it’ll give him a bit more respect for those of us he exposes to the potential of what /was/ killing him, hmm?”

<Anna> “It’s not a good thing for me!” *Anna practically screams at Jo before turning around and walking off away from Jo before she gives into the urge to punch Jo.* “So what are you saying, someone broke the bindings on Gray? Or have you just decided to kill him for the greater good?”

<Jo> “One in seven fucking billion, Anna.” *The pitch and volume of Anna’s voice makes Jo cringe before snapping back at her, snarling when Anna makes the suggestion that she was just going to kill Gray as he was* “Why would I fucking bother doing all the rest of it if I was just going to do that? Fuck you. You saying you didn’t know? That you didn’t ask some demon to set your little boyfriend loose on the world?”

<Anna> “And what if I fucking did? What? Are you going to hunt me now Jo? I’m sure that if it was Grey like this and I was the one refusing you would do what you could to unbind him!” *Glaring at Jo she points at the door.* “You can fucking leaven now.”

<Jo> *The second Anna mentions Grey being the same as the other, Jo springs into motion without even thinking about it, hands snapping out to shove the other woman back towards the wall. Following through, one hand clasps around the front of Anna’s throat as the other reaches to her back to pull out the still bloody dagger she’d not bothered cleaning* “You’d be right about Grey being like that. What do you think the fucking catch was?! I would have freed your fuckin’ asshole - or at least most of him - if it didnt mean I’d have to carve up someone I love! Would you have fuckin done that for Grey if it was the other way? Would you have carved the fuck out of your little monsters back so he could be unbound?! I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!” *She waves the dagger as she presses tighter against her neck*

<Anna> *Anna blinks as Jo suddenly attacks her and she tries to get Jo’s hand off her throat as Jo presses her back against the wall. The fact that Grey was carved up like Gray makes her laughs suddenly and she lifts up her leg with the plastic brace, kicking Jo as  hard as she can before letting go of Jo’s hand around her throat and slapping Jo hard.* “You love? What happened to the fact you’re a hunter and you’re in love with a monster”

<Jo> *She lets out a yelp at the kick, stumbling back at Anna’s slap before fisting her hands and throwing a punch at Anna’s face with her empty one before slashing out towards the other’s cheek and mouth with the other holding the dagger.* “I never said /in/ love, you bitch. And if you’re laughin’ at Grey being cut up - I’m more than happy to give you a taste of just how fuckin’ funny it is!”

<Anna> *Anna tries to jerk her head back away from the punch and she forgets how close to the wall she is and she feels both connect before a stinging pain hits her cheek, the tip of hte dagger cutting her.* “So, guess that puts me with how I rank with you then because you’re obviously willing to carve me up for Grey but your pissed at the fact I wanted you to free Gray?” *Reaching up she wipes the blood off her cheek as she shoves Jo back, grabbing the blond woman’s wrist with the dagger and twisting to try and make her let go.*

<Jo> “Actually I’m pissed that you’re pissed that I wouldn’t.” *Jo sneers back, digging her nails into her palm around the dagger as Anna triest to twist it out of her hand. Bringing her other fist up again she punches towards Anna’s closest ear, trying to tug free of her with a hiss* “I’m not pissed you wanted me to free him - I’d have felt the same in reverse, I’m fuckin’ pissed you completely wrote me off as your fuckin’ friend because I dared to say no to you!”

<Anna> *Anna lets go of Jo as the blow to the ear makes her head explode in pain and she lets go of Jo, reaching up to cover that ear as she can’t hear anything but a ringing out of it now.* “My friend? When have we been friends? We’ve fucked, we’ve hunted together and we get drunk together but when have we been friends? I mean you tell me Jo? Putting hunting first? Grey leaves me in an alley and you don’t give a shit about that. Other than telling you what you want to hear and fucking you what has he done for you besides turned Ellen over to Crowley?”

<Jo> “We were, and I’ve considered you as one rup until now. I was willing to overlook your shit the same way as I overlook Grey’s or any other friend of mine’s, Anna. I could overlook your sleeping with someone who wanted to kill me, your rejection that hunting was my /job/ and my /life/, your attempts on my other friends’ lives - but you can’t overlook my wanting to hunt and everything after that's just another nail with you.” *Jo steps back several feet, dropping her hands to her sides but keeps spinning the dagger in her hand as she looks at the other* “I could say the same about Gray, what the fuck has he done for you, because I haven’t seen any of it. And you’ve seen /nothing/ of what Grey’s done for me, Anna. And I’ve seen /nothing/ of what you’ve done for me anymore either.”

<Anna> *Anna laughs at the things Jo is saying and she leans back against the wall, her ear still ringing and she fixes Jo with a look.* “I wasn’t the first person to sleep with Gray. And I’ve never made an attempt on your other friends. Threats maybe but he’s the one that’s come far closer to killing me but that’s okay it seems. And as far as your hunting, there are other things in life. God didn’t make you the single hunter responsible for the world stop acting like you’re the only one out there! You aren’t that special Jo even if Grey says you are. He’s lying to make you feel better about your failures in that relationship too.”

<Jo> *Jo opens her mouth to reply before Anna keeps going, staring at her almost unhearingly before she storms forward again, knee raising straight up to the other’s stomach before grabbing at Anna’s hair with her empty hand* “I’m not dellusional like you, Anna. I know I’m not the most important, top thing in the world. Maybe you need to get the fucking message.” *She grits it out, twisting her hand in Anna’s hair to smash her head back against the wall before tugging her forward to do it again* “I’m not the only one out there, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be out there. I know I’m not special, and neither are fucking you.” *Dragging Anna up with her hand, Jo hisses at her glaring her straight in the eye*

<Anna> *Anna’s blinking as Jo stares at her, swallowing back the sick feeling she can’t help but laugh as Jo seems to think she feels she’s the most important thing and she doesn’t stop laughing even with the pounding her head.* “I’m not important, I’ve never been important. You and the rest of the world and Heaven have made that absolutely clear. Go a head Jo because I hope it hurt when Grey was carved and I hope that while he’s powerless I get the chance to end him because this time, I will.”

(AND THIS IS WHERE I HAD TO PAUSE JO FOR TEN MINUTES TO STOP HER MURDERING)

<Jo> *Anna’s laughing throws her off, wrinkling her nose as she tries to work out what she’s laughing about before just opting to knee her again like cutting off the air will stop it. Jo doesn’t believe Anna’s comments about herself, but sneers back at her as Jo lifts the dagger up again - this time pressing it against the branded name on Anna’s neck* “Too late for that, Anna. But lets see how you enjoy what I had to do to set everything right again.” *Keeping her face straight, the mask of indifference she got during the start of a hunt slipping over her sneer, Jo slices through the mark once, deeper than need be, and then another two times as she stares Anna down*

<Anna> *Anna stops as Jo hits her again and she’s gasping when Jo begins to cut the brand and it burns as the mark breaks and she’s twisting to get out of Jo’s hold as the hunter cuts her twice more.* “Fuck you Jo…” *She’s breathing hard trying to get her breath back as she blinks back the tears as the cuts keep burning.* “You didn’t do anything to put things right…”

<Jo> “And neither did you! You broke everything for your selfishness, Anna-” *She cries back, fisting her hand in Anna’s hair and shoving her towards the bed as she spins the dagger again in her other hand. Jo’s finding it easier to ignore how bad this makes her feel when she squashes it down with the anger she was feeling about it all.* “All I’m doing is cleaning up your mess and finishing the job.”

<Anna> *Struggling as Jo tries to push her to the bed she kicks back at Jo, ignoring the pain as her hair twists. The blood is running down her neck, soaking into her shirt and part of her wishes Jo would just end it.* “And when are you going to clean up your own messes. Crowley, Ellen, everything else. When are you going to admit that you caused this whole thing! I tried to leave before but no you can’t stand the idea of being alone so you forced me back. So who’s fault is this really Jo??”

<Jo> *Groaning at the kicks, Jo shoves Anna before following her, pinning her down with a sharp blow to her knee and holding the other woman down beneath her as she presses the edge of the blade just above Crowley’s brand* “Fine, I’ve fucked up - I’ve brought this entire fucking thing on all of us! You fuckin’ happy now?” *She drops her gaze from Anna’s face to her neck before letting the hatred at everything happening guide her hand as she cuts it again until the word was practically unrecognisable* “I’ve done every fucking thing wrong so we’d get to this point - you’d be Crowley’s happy little bitch, Gray’d be somewhere on the loose again and everything else is at knife point! That we’d destroy whatever fuckin’ friendship we had left when you put a monster above me all those months ago, and now I’d do the same to you.”

<Anna> *Anna is reaching back, clawing at the hand in her hair when the blow to her knee sends her down on the bed, she’s reaching back trying to grab anything she can on Jo to make the woman let go of her but her efforts are stopped when Jo begins to cut her again and she screams into the bed.* “Boo..fucking..hoo..” *She’s not caring about Jo and she just wants the bitch off of her.* “Yes Gray’s free and I’m not going to stop him from going after anyone he wants too now including you! I put you above everyone till now and you can’t stand that I’ve put Gray first because for once I’m selfish!”

(Jo also had to pause for a few minutes to decide not to still kill here)

<Jo> “Liar!” *Jo shakes her head, slamming the but of the blade against Anna’s mouth when she claws and screams, before sitting up straight and slamming both her fists down at the other’s chest - careful only in the sense of keeping the dagger pointed away from the other.* “You fucking liar! Everything’s been for you, every fucking thing is so you can be in control of the garrison down here! You brought strangers into my house, you belittled me and took everything out on me, you made it a choice between what you wanted and getting screamed at for doing what I wanted! You’re fucking liar, I’ve never been first - it’s never been what I wanted or what’s best for me! Just whatever you thinks right!” *She’s shaking as she screams down at the other before ripping at her shirt and starting to slice through anywhere she sees the demon’s name* “I’m never first, I never win, and I’m fucking tired of it! Bring it on Anna, bring it fucking on. You! Gray! Crowley! Who-the-fuck-ever! Bring it fucking on because I’m done with this!”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything, Jo’s screaming is confusing her and then the pain is making it hard especially when Jo starts to slash her and she can’t help but scream as some of the cuts go deep. She doesn’t get what Jo means, garrison here on earth..she never wanted that she never wanted to be in control but then one thing Jo says does get through and when Jo slows down and she can speak without choking Anna does but it’s not very loud.* “You’re house..I thought I was bringing people into our house who needed a place because they didn’t fit in with the rest of the world..like us..”

<Jo> *Jo’s hands raised to cut again when Anna speaks again, staring down at her and the bloody mess that was all over the both of them, jaw clenching tightly as the words sink in - bringing about the moment again when she was last in a position like this, powering over a monster and being disgusted by herself, feeling the same feelings bubble up. Leaning back, she looks between Anna’s face and her hand, glaring before shaking her head* “You were. You were bringing in people who needed a place because they didn’t fit.. but not like us. Like /you/. I know my place in the world, I always have - it’s you who doesn’t, same as Harry and Lily.. You don’t know where you fit, but me?” *Waving her hand, Jo looks down and sees one more brand untouched, pressing the blade down on it and dragging along it - breaking it before looking back up at the other’s face* “This is where I fit. You just didn’t want me to.”

<Anna> *Anna whimpers as Jo cuts her again, she can’t move without hurting now and she’s clenching her fists in the covers of the bed.* “Fought with you mostly because I didn’t want you doing things the way you were..not that you were doing them..I couldn’t bring you back if you died and I didn’t want you to be killed.” *Swallowing back the feeling to be sick again Anna looks up at Jo and she’s covered blood but it seems fitting.* “Everyone forgets humans can be monsters too, I guess I did too when it came to you.”

<Jo> “I guess you did.” *Jo glares down at her before shifting off, standing up when it’s obvious Anna can’t move, wiping the dagger off on a part of her shirt that wasn’t covered in blood before tucking it back into the back loop of her jeans* “Forgot where demons come from, and how we’re just as bad as the things that go bump in the night. /Worse/ because we can hide it.” *She shoots Anna a look, as she runs her bloody hand through her hair before adding quietly* “You’re welcome for making it so Gray won’t be completely repulsed by you when he comes past for dinner.” *Sneering, Jo grabs one of Anna’s jackets and pulls it on as she heads out the door.“

<Anna> *Anna lays there and she blinks several times and before Jo’s out the door she tells Jo what she came here to know.* "It was me Jo..I did it..and I don’t regret it..”

<Jo> *Jo stops as she’s about to shut the door before turning back to Anna, hand sticky on the door knob* “Then I don’t regret this.” *Her voice stays flat but her face says the complete opposite, before she closes the door behind herself and tucks her hand into the jacket, rushing back towards home as quickly as possible*

#yay chatlogs

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily #wow new mont new tag #Ii gotta change over my calendar to see what the new baby animal will be #march was a baby seel #June is going to ba a money which I think is very homophobic because I HATE MONKIES>:(

[johtodaycare]

...

Oh, what the fuck?

why is he out here liying in the damned grass of all things? he quit drinking specifically because of the hell sleeping on the ground wrought on his back and also on doctors orders but mostly of his own volition for the most part. okay first up taking stock of himself and his surroundings. anything wrong with me? no more than usual, creaky back and cracked joints yelling at him as always if a bit louder then is the norm but thats to be expected.

anyone around me i should be watching out for? he listens without opening his eyes yet and doesnt hear anything human nearby, theres a pokemon snoring away right up close to hiim and a few yards away he can hear the rustle rustle of little pokemon trainers wading through the grass on their way to somewhwere important for their journey he guesses but none have noticed him or stopped to check on him if they have.

who’s that pokemon? it’s persian! specifically gemothy, his beautiful baby boy! he got out of his ball at some point last night and curled his way under greg’s bad leg! how sweet of him to care for his dad like that! he’ll have to remember to give him a pokeblock when hes up and about!

do i still have all my pokemon? no pokeballs taken but he knows well enough that doesnt mean theyve not been replaced by weaker mon in the same sort of ball and while hed like to think hes 100%of telling his pokemons pokeballs just from the wear and tear theyve taken over time he knows that aint reliable.

gemothy? check. bruno? check. barkspawn? check. honcho? check. bliss? no check. whos fucking jigglypuff is this? parmesan?? no check big x mark, someone fobbed their clefairy off onto him. who the fuck gives up those 2 pokemon? even if you dont want them theres always paying customers out there who do! you can make bank on the little puffballs even just selling 1 at a time! not to mention the breeders who live off these lines!

okay thats it up we go! times a wasting and hes gotta get his blissey and his dog back. his joints can cry all they want. now where the hell is he really? just a bit off path for route 48 apparently. retracing steps what had he meant to do out here?

oh right.

he’d spent the last couple days at the safari zone catching pokemon with jun. more specifically hed been trying, and failing, to catch the meanest croagunk hed ever had the displeasure of meeting. and when jun tried to help him out hed snapped at him.

jun didnt deserve anything like that.he was legitimately trying to help him out.he usually manages to keep his cool over shit like this but hed been irritated onto his last nerve by his own joints and johto’s douchiest poison frog.

he’ll never quite get used to johto. everything is so so different from orre. everything is much nicer? he guesses? warmer maybe. nobodies as friendly in orre, where you can live most of your life next to someone and not even know their name. nobody really talks to anyone around past the age of 10 or before age 60. let alone stop to offer any help without being asked.

back in orre if you wanted to make like sisyphus on his hill with some  arbitrary ass task you were left to bang your head on the wall until you either got tired of it or hurt yourself enough to need help. nobody really gives you shit in orre, not without being asked, threatened, payed to or what. aid only comes unprompted when they need your body out of their way.

johto is so so different. it scrapes on his nerves sometimes even though it really shouldnt. going from having to maintain an image to not put a target on his back to johto where people stop and help you for no reason if you drop shit in the street. and even the people trying to rob you are more likely to challenge you to a pokemon battle then just attack you outright. what counted for the local gang was dismantled by not 1 but 2 beginner pokemon trainers.

johto is painfully different. he had to completely reverse gears on the way he behaved. do the exact opposite of what he was raised to. go completely against his instincts on damn near everything. assimilating into johto was a long process of deprogramming himself from constantly being on lookout for the slightest sign of hostility. forcibly lowering his guard to Be Nice At Least Greg. because everything hed learned in orre went from just common sense to dickish behavior in practically one day.

minding your own business is apparently cold hearted around here. you have to make nice with everyone you interact with not just your boss and some people youre friends with. people who do not know him at all worry about him! take time out of their day to see if he needs help! its overwhelming enough to make him miss being ignored.

it isnt so bad of course. in small doses from friends he can handle the attention better. but it was still weird to go from team snagem admin who’s only real draw was being so apathetic he didnt even care enough to punish you when you fucked up to having control himself 24/7 just to stay approachable enough to keep his daycare running with clients.

for the 100th time in his life he wonders if hes cut out for this shit. if he should pack up his thingsand take his antisocial ass back to orre to live with the rest of the douchebags out there. if he could maybe run the daycare in agate village.

maybe he should.

he doesnt want to though. he likes it here even if the place and the people are kind of a headache for him sometimes. its very nice when its not overwhelming and hes got more friends here than he ever did in orre. hes a selfish bastard through and through, hes never let go of shit. everything hes ever lost to time or the world or someone else had his claw marks on it.

he can make it up to jun probably? jun doesnt have to forgive him if he doesnt want to but he can put the croagunk thing mostly behind them. jun deserves an apology for it at least.

#honestly kinda hate this #might take it down in a few minutes #long loooomg monologue

[masterserris]

the rise of skywalker = good

spoilers under cut you were warned

we love sheev the movie

best movie? no. room for improvement? yes. a really good movie overall and the characters were good and made overall good/decently logical choices? absolutely.

 fin good. i love him. and the obvious hint he can use the force is 10/10 he did so much work in this movie. i like poe/fin or rey/fin. or all three together, fuck it, they all hugged in the end anyways

poe is good he’s a good boy him and finn are so good. poe gets a lot of development and care and we love that he struggles but loves his friends and wins in the end by believing in others to come. (he did think they lost but only for a second. he was proven right that people would come. thanks lando we appreciate you here.)

rey is amazing and her growth/struggle is great i love that she’s a palpatine that’s so metal. and she stays good oough yess. palpatine wins in the end? or at least A palpatine? the only survivor? no more sith OR jedi. just. rey palpatine and any other new force users like fin. FINALLLY, evil wins! kinda lmao hahhaahhaha

i like how technically the series stared with palpatine and ended with rey. 

it started with a slave child in the desert (anakin) who became dark, and ended with a child soldier in the dark who became light at the end (ben)

-

the sheev-ening. we love emperor step peppers. he’s so good in this. force storm ya’ll!! 

“hiS pLaN MakEs nO sEnSe!!1!”

shut tf up. either he possesses rey once she killed him, or he sucks the life outta her and restores himself once he found out about that bond power with ben or force healing whatever it was if she refused (like he did), or just kills her and sends his troops out to take everything over like. that’s not a bad plan bro. he wins either way. the only reason he lost is because the dummy killed himself with his own force lighting (AGAIN, DIDNT YOU LEARN FROM EPISODE 3 OLD MAN????). she did not strike him down, she defended. he killed himself, technically. she pulled a luke in that sense. it was not the jedi way. (though i guess by the end she is neither sith nor jedi)

plus he made an armada in secret the man was geared for success and had access to cloning tech too, as shown by snoke. if he couldnt have rey, he would have cloned himself or some shit. he has space voodoo, the man is scary and i love him for it. 

-

ben was. ok. kylo was much more intimidating and straight forward with his actions at least. and ben switching sides made sense. what i didnt like was his ending very much. why tf did he and rey kiss????? they were enemies for 2 and 3/4 movies. they didnt even speak until he showed up to help fight palpatine. 

there is a bit of tension but not romantic whatever, he just poofed once he resurrected rey anyways. rip all skywalkers 2019

she is an adopted skywalker and that’s nice.

side tangent bc i’ve been seeing some fans crying over ben’s death, which i get it if you are a big fan of him:

((i guess i was just way more invested into rey as a character than ben solo. he was. there. he was alright, i could see the struggle but the tone-shift from TLJ really threw things wack and i just ended up not caring too much when he died unforntuately. i wish i did more. i mean it was sad, it would have been neat if he lived, but i kinda saw it coming as soon as rey “died”

im like, oh, he’s gonna climb up bc of course he’s fine and then save her since he saw her use force healing, so he’s gonna try it. he’s resurrecting the dead so it’s either gonna kill him or really make him weak. we got the former so. yeah. it was anticipated kinda. leia dying was much more emotional for me i guess. the love between her and her son was way more impactful than ben and rey. 

like i said!! they were enemies for so long!! he tried to reach out, but he was a slimey dark side bitch who was trying to convert her and she knew it and wasnt down with that shit!! that aint romantic ya’ll!! christ! he was only good for 20 minutes before he died and they didnt even talk before he just showed up! if they had more time really getting into it and if he was good and reached out to her to talk, that would have been way better and more convincing is all im saying. 

sure they fought together on snoke’s ship and talked, but it was still very. scary for rey. and then he attacked her friends and rebellion again! bitch, why did she kiss him!?

nothing against reylo shippers, i really dont care, that’s your business, i personally enjoy fin/rey much more, im just saying it seems forced in this situation. they tried to kill each other so many times. that’s animosity, not love.))

WHERE WAS ANAKIN AND OBI FORCE GHOST UGH. at least we got all of the voices of the jedi past helping rey in the climax that was awesome (including jin, obi, yoda, anakin, luke, leia, ect)

yeah also rip leia. she should have died in the second movie but she was good in this and it really hit the feels since carrie is... dead for real.

luke was good in this!!!! helpful boy!!! nice boy!!! i liked the flash back to when he trained leia it was so sweet to see them young again, if only for a moment.

the han solo scene was good ough my heart. 

all of the character’s choices were overall good and made sense in the scheme of things, everything was streamlined bc it had to be.

it kinda felt like 2 movies crammed into 1 but it kinda worked and that makes sense bc of TLJ’s.... choices and changes in direction. 

i dont think this movie was a train wreck. it’d place it as my 3rd fav star wars movie. for now, i may shift things around but you get the idea.

my current rankings so far for main line live action sw movies 

(rogue one would be at 4 along with revenge of the sith and i didnt care enough to see solo.)

1. empire strikes back (obvious pick)

2. a new hope (luke is best boy)

3. rise of skywalker (as listed above)

4. revenge of the sith (clone wars show really got me to like older anakin. and obi is just. 10/10 in general. speaking of generals, i love grievous. and commander rex. rip all clones and jedi tho. F)

5/6. return of the jedi/force awakens (about even) 

[the thing about return of the jedi is that the ending whole section with the death star and vader and palpatine and the struggle against jabba were really good! it just a lot of other stuff is... meh in the film]

7. the last jedi (sorry had to do it to ya. also rip Phasma)

8/9. phantom menace/attack of the clones (ya’ll know why)

im so glad im rewatching the clone wars show it was so good and oughghghg so good. i love the clones so damn much and everyone so much

star wars good ya’ll

anyways, i already loved palpatine and im just wildin’ right now we love a emperor. a queen. a bad bitch you cant kill. just vibin. like damn, iconic. he said “do it” and everything. a meme legend and godsend

in sheev we trust. you belong with sheev. real sheev hours. the sheev-ening. palpatine-ception. you name it, we vibe with it

NOW I WANT A NICE AU WHERE THE CHARACTERS LIVE AND PALPATINE IS JUST A GRANDDAD. scary but nice granddad to rey or some shit. anakin is still around, they are all still around. just silly fun alright?

LMFAO ROTTEN TOMATOES PUTS IT AT A 56% BUT HAS AN AUDIENCE RATHING OF 86% WTF LMFAOOOO THESE PEOPLE ARE HACKS

the reverse of TLJ and i can see why the stupid irony lmFAO

the “thank you rian johnson” tag trending on twitter is wack and it’s dumb. his movie was dumb ya’ll. that’s my take and im not alone. im not some crazy hardcore fan either nor do i care that much about the politics or what ever. the characters in TLJ made REALLY dumb decisions that got their butts kicked and people killed over and over and it was not fun to watch everyone being dumb and dying, alright? wack. bad vibes. 

i didn’t care for the “thank you jj abrams” tag either bc both tags ended up just being one taking pot-shots at the other and it was full of nasty vibes. just a lot of negative bullshit and only a few good comments just saying what they liked about those movies. i appreciate when people just say they like something. even if it’s something i PERSONALLY dont like, it’s neat to see. but when people bitch and moan, even if i agree personally, it isnt that fun. it’s annoying as hell, esp if it’s mostly unfounded or just repeated a million times.

like months later, or also about something from years ago, people still havent shut up about it. that’s when i get pissed off. like, sure, hate something. say you hate it, whatever. your blog your platform, go off queen, but then shut up please and dont drag it out forever. people dont like negativity so expect people to leave your ass behind if you keep at it. or get blocked or whatever. 

negative shit all the time just aint a good look is all im saying. just love what you love and show it. it’s nice. the good part about fandoms is sharing love for media.

but hey, it’s your life. you do whatever, who am i to say anything?

#spoilers #the rise of skywalker #star wars #private