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captaindarkiplier · 1 month

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I am both confused and curious , depending on the endings ,do you see engineer and darkiplier become a couple sort of ? Or is it complicated ? Since engineer is either actor or the true engineer guy

That's a really good question. And I'm glad to answer it early on rather than later, because I've actually thought about Darkhenge being read that way ahaha, and it's not exactly my intention, but I'll get deeper into that because it's more nuanced

Short answer:

I'd be fine if people see it as anything, honestly. My AU isn't fleshed out to the point where it's entirely removed from the source, and the nature of the source is... you can project onto it! Canon Captain and Head Engineer are depicted as a friendship, but people can easily ship them if they want to. So that's how I feel about my AU as well- except it's much different in genre of ""romance"" or ""friendship"" LOL (due to Dark HATING Mark- But that's the catch- this isn't the "same" Mark!)

Long answer:

I'll get into exactly what I think Darkhenge to be. First, before getting into it: The AU name Darkhenge is structured as a ship name, but I don't really ship within the binary of romantic nor platonic, it is just a duo/pairing system to me pretty much. ISWM is a story that goes heavy on the platonic emotions, and tends to be unconventional/bizarre in ways, in the storytelling, characters, etc. Such bizarre things as killing your friend or having your friend try to kill you or seeing your friend as hundreds of different people. It's fun. I think I held onto that aspect more than a concept of a standard relationship. I guess I happen to be unconventional in my tastes.

Now, I will dig into Darkhenge as I conceptualize it. It's kind of making me nervous to finally put an official description of it out O__O" alongside my art of it! I've talked about it a lot privately but never spilled the beans on what it IS...? (a little excited)

Dark is put into a compromising situation, though not like he isn't used to that, and he has to fend to secure his position of power. So, it is fortunate that he's a Captain with Mark as a self-sacrificial subordinate. That's Dark's comfort zone, to have control. But, (to have (Actor) Mark as his friend,) it's not his normal. But for us, The Viewer, it is. So that creates a dichotomy internally that Darkiplier has to account for. ... Darkiplier doesn't typically share the emotions that The Viewer does, and if he did, I think he has a fair chance of it not getting in his way, since he's always repressing conflicting emotions anyways. But that depends. If Darkiplier "wins the game" like I explained in my previous post... He witnesses the story of ISWM. This might not influence him- as explained! Why would it? But there is some more weight to the experience for him, regardless. It's something he would think about for at least a moment, maybe yet another thing that weighs him down forever, even if it doesn't subtract from everything he has going on canonically. (The whole revenge and hate thing) ... So finally, the weight in question: Head Engineer, in my AU, is Actor Mark, but not exactly- his character is modified in this story specifically, just like how The Viewer/Darkiplier is modified to have fused for the duration of ISWM in my AU, and then would split after they finally resolve the paradox; so everything canonical still applies in the overarching universe & stories. Head Engineer is an Actor Mark who, unlike the other Marks, hasn't just deluded himself into "believing the story he acts out..." or wanting something in the House... -- he's literally a different Mark. That's how it was written canonically, and I'm reading it this way for fun: He's Actor Mark, but an AU version. I know Actor Mark transcends the AU logic like Warfstache, but before Mark was an Actor he was Mark- and that's the idea. Maybe you get it, maybe you don't... so here's a list:

Damien and Mark were good friends, until Mark was taken by his ego and the influence of the House.

The Viewer and Mark have a deep friendship.

The Captain and Head Engineer are on good grounds to have a close friendship as well, thanks to whatever circumstances of their respective characters preceded the story of ISWM.

Darkiplier hates Actor Mark, and his hate is hinged entirely upon what Actor Mark did in WKM, via influence of the House.

The Head Engineer is Actor Mark, except before he would do any of that in WKM.

The Head Engineer is Actor Mark before he became Actor Mark, so just Mark- except an AU version: he's evidently a space engineer instead, with a humbled ego and no awakened desire to act. Yes, Head Engineer does have a smaller ego than Mark had, I imagine Mark was a bit egotistical and theatric even as a kid. Head Engineer is Mark if he turned out different. "I could've been an engineer..." haha And this can be circumstantial or "genetic" - but I like to think it's mostly circumstantial, because I still see the other Marks' traits (including Actor) in Head Engineer's character, especially with how carried away Head Engineer can get about the warp core. It's the same phenomenon of the house. And I know that's just the House, but I like to think that there's a theme shared between Actor and Engie that they're both the type to get carried away with a creative vision or incentive of investigation and revenge... (Kind of like Abe and Dark, which is why I see that it can be just the House's global influence) ... It's a hc of mine that I find enriching to the AU Engie's character.

So, to Dark, other than any potential heartstrings it could tug on his very dead and perhaps nonexistent heart, this is a surprisingly uncomfortable situation. But The Viewer makes it more tolerable by eventually resolving the situation, regardless of how much Dark might have wanted to fight those routes, or how many mistakes each of them made to get bad endings. If the Captain and Head Engineer never made up, the story would likely never end- because, well, we tried every other route, and it didn't really end there... So, The Viewer is essential. Mending the friendship is essential. If Dark has any heartstrings pulled, it's probably Damien's... but I think this Dark is rather muddy in his "original" identity by now (plus the addition of the D/A as The Viewer... Damien isn't even getting the chance to talk to the D/A in headspace, I feel like ISWM feels super fast for them all, barely conscious), so it'd be vague and buried. I like the hc that Dark and Warfstache both forget, but Dark remembers a bit more, and he's sentimental, but very reserved about it and would only stop repressing it only around people he trusted. That's a complicated thing, and I think ISWM is not about resolving Dark, but is about resolving the story and nothing else. But you could argue otherwise if you wanted to. Maybe part of him could have been happy.

A silly analogy would be taking a criminal to a class meant for teaching toddlers to play nice, and not letting them argue with the teaching, just teaching them the lesson until they submit and actually succeed to be nice. Then the criminal is let free from the class to do whatever he wants, again. The memory of it might be uncomfortable... or maybe irrelevant, because it could be happening all the time! Maybe this isn't Darkiplier's first rodeo in the multiverse, nor the last. ... I like to think that he explores, since everyone technically can within the illusory world in the House/Mansion. Stuck but free all the same.

Ah... I like to think how ironic it would be if Darkiplier had to go to this universe & possess this body of all possibilities just to get the warp core... It's funny.

The most important aspects of the dynamic to me is the duality of comedy and horror/tragedy, and the anomalous third act is the profound sappiness in the original media that would not at all fit Actor and Dark's dynamic- it's the contrast and impossibility that I love about the situation.

If I had to romanticize them, I think it could be done nonromantically, for the record. I, myself, am not traditional with the genre of romance. I guess I fit into the grey area, and that influences how I think of Darkhenge, as well. I also think the word "romantic" doesn't necessarily have to mean dating, since you can romanticize pretty much anything in life. And I think this AU is a pretty good example of how I can romanticize things! A lot of fiction is a kind of romanticization, but the romanticization doesn't usually indicate what you would feel about it if it happened in real life. So yeah, I think I do a lot of that... A lot of media I read can have villains or dark themes that I will play around with conceptually, knowing that if they were real, I'd hate them. Lol.

I like love stories that go like this. I mentioned Madoka briefly before, and that's honestly my top inspiration to even my own surprise because it nails the nuance perfectly- it's commended as a great Yuri but it's not actually a Yuri, it's just written so well around those two characters that it can be commended as a great story with Yuri characters/undertones in it.

So yes, I like stories like this, and they tend to be best written as love stories... but they don't necessarily have to be love stories. They can just be tragedies... but I think love is an important element when writing about the bigness of life. Whatever form that love might take. So whether it's platonic, romantic, or neither, is none of my concern nor consideration, because it's about something more nuanced, bigger... Everything and nothing is taken into account at once, if that makes sense.

Even some of my Darkhenge art ideas (that haven't yet come to fruition) seem a bit romantic, it's just a grey area. I think I am in love with the AU itself, and that's why... I hope it makes sense why I am in love with it- if not, I'll just keep trying to show why...!!!! ( •̀ ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

Well, I think I have explained it properly...? Feel free to ask more questions, though. I'm a little sleepy while typing all of this, so I could have missed something.

For the record! If someone shipped my AU characters romantically, I would likely be fine with their headcanons/interpretation, but I encourage them to ask about boundaries if they plan to post about it.

Thank you so much for the question!!! I'm glad someone thought to ask it. :)

#asks #so hard to put the raw feelings into words!!#I'll probably yap about these same things numerous times until I get a good “angle” on what I mean #Drawing DH art is just as difficult with precision but sometimes expresses it more vividly #Multiple pictures- multiple facets- a gallery like a timeline of events or memories #I'm sure the same could be done in writing via poetry or fiction but I'm not experienced #darkhenge #text

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thislovintime · 1 year

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“I enjoy passing on wisdom - it's a big part of my life. Everybody has different character traits and it's how you use them that counts. I used to be a busybody but now I help people by listening to them and helping them work things out and it's a virtue.” - Peter Tork, Lancashire Telegraph, May 23, 2008

A letter of advice in reply to a fan from circa 1969 in an older post, here.

Peter Sez #5 -- November 23, 2011 Lorraine G.: I would like to ask Peter what the most important, significant event of his life is. hi, Lorraine - I'm sure that without the ego collapse it took to free me from the clutches of active alcoholism, I would not be alive today. it was, sadly, too long a process, but that it came at all will be my greatest event no matter what else happens to me. Thanks for asking, xo peter

“If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this.”

“In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

“BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes.”

“Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.”

“When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of ‘why me?’ or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question ‘What's the next right thing?’ at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me.”

“Peter is incredibly patient. I have watched him sit and listen to people's problems -- at times people he barely knew -- for far longer than most of us would and in the end give them good, solid advice. Luckily for us, he's both book-smart and savvy in life experience. He's been a TV and music mega-star, had highs that would have killed some people, lows that would have killed others and a career that's lasted longer than some of his fans have been alive. He's a recovering alcoholic now sober for over 25 years, has oodles of relationship experience, he's got great, productive children, he lived through the 60s and is still rocking in his 60s. If that doesn't qualify him to dish out some advice, I don't know what does.” - Therra Cathryn Gwyn, editor (The Daily Panic), February 2008

A very long read of various bits of advice from the Ask Peter Tork columns under the "read more" cut:

“Those of us who came into the public eye did so partly to escape what was awful growing up, be it oppressive households or oppressive social situations. Give us a jolt of acceptance singing or dancing or telling jokes, etc., and we go whole hog for a life of that public acceptance. Unhappily, though, fame is the same as what we're told about collecting possessions; they satisfy for a bit, but if there isn't some way to make you (myself/one's self) whole, the possessions are only temporary satisfactions at best. When a performer leaves the stage, he/she can't take the public acclaim with her. Drugs are another of those things which distract or divert from, or numb us to, the sadness we still carry within. It's a terrible paradox that those who go beyond the normal boundaries in pursuit of fuller self-expression take chances with their lives beyond the normal boundaries as well. Meanwhile, there are answers to this problem. They're simple but not easy. The problem may be seen to be that there is no one trustworthy enough to follow. If you grow up like that, it will be very difficult to find reliable guides in this life. There is a True Guide, however. Many follow the God of their understanding. Others are so turned off by religion and all its adherents that nothing under the name of God will serve. That's okay; the True Guide does not have to have the title God to be useful. It does require an understanding of and a willingness to pursue whatever in life might usefully lead us to an acceptance greater than the temporary one provided by acclaim or possessions. The understanding of this greater acceptance will come slowly, but it comes to those who are willing to keep open their eyes and minds.

Thanks for asking, Peter” (2010)

* * *

"For instance, of course some parents find it easier to kick out their kids than others. That's just natural. But as to the general average of kids today staying more with their parents than in days of yore, well, I partly blame those who let the economy go to hell in a hand basket... or perhaps actively took it there is a better description. It's tougher now than it used to be to find a job, and there is less of a spirit that finding one will give one a real chance to come up in the world. It's therefore understandable that 25-year-olds and some even well older would be discouraged, and have very little incentive to go forth and make their way. Still, I am pretty sure that wanting to work rather than lay about is a preference in human nature, as long as no major roadblocks stand in the way. As to whether it was our hippie lifestyle that led us to treat our kids in ways that made them lazy, well, I wouldn't know for sure. But I do know that every generation is formed by the previous generation's reactions to their parents' generation, etc., etc., since time immemorial. We did the best we could with what we had, and if we don't like what we see, I'm not sure we can do much for the next generation anymore. I believe that my kids appreciate that I am still working on my own life, and that gives them encouragement not to give up, whatever else they may think of me. I don't have much to say about they way they live their lives. Of course, they aren't encamped in my basement, either. Meanwhile, I counsel patience and love, of course. Best of luck, Peter”

* * *

Dear Peter, My name is Mary and I'm in tenth grade. I've been struggling recently because all of my friends and teachers think that I should have a "direction" to my life. They tell me that I need to have my future planned out right now. What college am I going to? What career field will I try to get into? I don't know how to answer any of their questions. Should I know what I want to do with my life even though I'm only fifteen? Thank you, Mary C.

Dear Mary, "Should"? I don't know from should anymore. I once heard someone say "Don't 'should' on yourself." I eventually worked it out to where the word "should" requires the phrase "in order to." You "should" turn left here "in order to" get to the grocery store. Like that. So, the question becomes, "in order to"... what? Check out the letter and answer beforehand. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? No? Well, perhaps a little investigation is in order. When you were little, what did you dream of becoming? Airline pilot? Doctor, nurse, veterinarian or horse trainer? Wonder Woman? Rock star? Newspaper reporter? Or did you imagine that a life of marriage and kids plus a bit of a trade as, say, a hair stylist was heaven on earth? Go back to your early daydreams and see whether any of them still holds a charge. Be careful here: if you don't know instantly what your dreams were, then it's possible that you were discouraged from holding on to them. If that's true, then that discouragement will get in the way of your trying to access those dreams now. Be extremely gentle with yourself, even to the point of sickeningly coddling yourself (for a little while anyway, heheheh). If your childhood dream comes to the fore, you will have all you need to decide whether and where to go to college, or whatever else you may need. One note: it's wonderful to decide to, say, become a musician, but if "famous musician" is your goal, you may be in for more trouble than you want. If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this. Get back to me if it's not working out. Best of luck, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I followed your cancer fight last summer on Facebook and was sooooooooo glad when you got the good news of no more cancer! That was the best news I've ever gotten. Did you learn anything while being sick that you didn't know before you got cancer? Cancer is scary and you were so brave. Love, Kathy

Dear Kathy, Thank you for your good wishes! As to your question: If by "learn" you mean did I change my philosophy after I got my diagnosis, no, I have to say I didn't. I've been at this business of figuring out my life for a long time, and if I didn't have a philosophy of life that included the possibility of having cancer, and even of dying of it, well, then I haven't done a good job in crafting a working philosophy, have I? If, on the other hand, you mean did I discover how quickly and well I bounce back from radiation treatment, well, yeah, I'm a lucky guy, and I learned that to a new extent during the course of this adventure. When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of "why me?" or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question "What's the next right thing?" at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me. Thanks for asking. Keep well, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I'm really glad you are doing this gig again. After reading "Ask Peter Tork" in the Daily Panic, I knew that anyone who has access to your "two cents worth" is getting a lot for their money. Ever since the sixties, when I saw that picture of you "reading" the Upanishads upside down, I've wondered about your own spiritual journey. How much and in what ways have eastern religions and philosophies influenced your personal world view? Was it a struggle to leave the belief system of your childhood? What spiritual practices, aside from the obvious (listening in your heart for new songs) are part of your routine? Thanks again for your careful and kind answers in this column. Namaste, Elaine

Dear Elaine, Well, thanks for the question... I think! Someone recently said that people who want to talk to you about their religion rarely want to hear about yours. I am only too aware that my expressing my spiritual/religious views leaves me open to the charge of proselytizing, which I don't want to do. Everyone has to come to their own views, as far as I'm concerned, whether or not certain conventional religions provide a suitable framework. Having said all that, tho', and since you asked, I will try to give you a quick sketch. Firstly, eastern "religions" (I use quote marks to say maybe they aren't religions*) have indeed been a huge source for me. My mom gave me a book on Zen when I was in my teens, and while I didn't get much from it then, I have found in the years since that Zen Buddhism has an attitude that appeals to me a great deal, as far as I understand it. I'm something of a minimalist, I think, at least in these matters, and Zen has been about as minimal as it's possible to be and still say anything at all. Incidentally, I can also recommend anything by Krishnamurti, who might be seen as uncompromising to the limit, but he's great anyway. I grew up in an agnostic/atheistic/non-theistic household. I wondered for years what everybody was on about when they said "God." I certainly wasn't interested in whatever religion the good boys and girls in school were into, usually Catholic, sometimes Protestant. My father didn't believe in the God he was presented with, and I don't believe in that God either. Howsomever, I do believe that awareness of a connectedness of some sort is critical to human well-being. One Zen teacher said "Life is the teacher." That made all kinds of sense to me, because whatever we're talking about here, it has to be real. Unverifiable assertions are useless to me, so if it's real, it will show in real life, some way, somehow, some time. Anyway, all of that is partly to say that I had no particular religion to break away from at home, except the "religion" of rationalism. I did have a set-to or two with my father about my developing sense of connection, which included phenomena he couldn't allow himself to believe were even possible. That part was tough, and we never did completely reconcile over the point, tho' we got along okay thru the rest of his life. As to my routine today, well, I don't believe I actually have one. My sobriety is the critical issue for me now, so I daily take a moment to consider that, and I reaffirm whatever it takes keep me mindful. There's a strong spiritual component to recovery from addiction/alcoholism, so maybe that counts as a spiritual routine, tho' it seems a bit farfetched to call it that. Mostly it's just what keeps me from acting out so badly that I begin a deteriorating slide to hell. That's enough, by Gar! Namaste to you, too, Peter *Some of the schools of thought I follow don't engage with the concept of God at all. Maybe better to think of them as psychologies or philosophies.

* * *

Hey Peter, Great that you are doing the column again! Really great to read. My question is that, I know you love baseball, but being raised on the East Coast, I wondered if you every got into hockey? Hope On... Tyrone

Dear Tyrone, Nope, I never got into hockey, and I don't think that has anything to do with where I live. Or, rather, I don't think that matters where in the U.S. I live; if I was born and raised in Canada, I imagine I'd enjoy it a great deal more. Mostly, I will say, I never attended hockey games in person 'til much later in life, and couldn't follow the game on TV, and mostly what I saw was another football/basketball/soccer-type game, only on ice, and with a hell of a lot of fighting. If you put it that way, who could care? Years later I watched a minor league hockey game, to much better effect. There was nary a fight, and I got to watch the grace of the competition. That was better, tho' not enough to overcome years of apathy toward the game. I imagine you love the game, so I won't go any further with this, except to say, enjoy what you like, and please, please, please, have a good time. Best, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I can't imagine you not being a musician or being cute Peter Tork of the Monkees and Shoe Suede Blues. But if you had never been a musician or never wanted to be one, what do you think you would have done with your time and talent? Have you ever wanted to be something else? I am trying to decide between 3 things on what to be. I think sometimes you know what you are and sometimes you don't. I wish I knew. I love you. Cathy

Dear Cathy, Well, you are asking a couple of questions, one of which is almost unanswerable. I mean, change everything about me and then ask who I am, well, that's a puzzler. If you're asking what other fields I've been drawn to to any noticeable degree, I don't mind saying that the law and the kind of counseling I do in these columns have both looked like reasonable and attractive careers. Strangely enough, there's one other thing in particular I wouldn't mind doing, and that's massage therapy. My father had good hands, and he seems to have bequeathed them to me, and though I've never taken training, and it's a little late in life to get started now, it still seems like a useful life to me. BUT! The big deal question you're asking is how do you (or how does anybody) know what to do in life. That one's much more important. Someone once said to me, if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. See, for me, I never realized out loud, so to speak, that music/entertainment was my calling, but I look back on my life, and at every juncture, that's what I went for. So, one way of looking at what you might want to do/be in life is to look back at what you've liked to do so far. One note in particular at this point, which I've made before. Everybody gets shut down to some extent growing up; it's inevitable, and nothing to get bent about. But what it does mean is that it's possible that you haven't thought about the things you liked to do as a child for a long time now. Go back into your past. What turned you on? What gave you the thought: I'd like to do that/be a part of that? Even if it was the way you related to your dolls, there might well be a clue there, if not even an outright signpost with a fanfare. If money is a concern, well, then, money's a concern. There's nothing wrong with striking out for serious independence if there is a concern about being left without resources. I hope, however, that that concern is not the overriding be-all and end-all of your considerations. Money is, of course, critical to civil well-being in this life, but beyond a certain point, more does not improve the quality of life... much. If there seems to be a useful, satisfying career open to you, then follow it unless you're deeply concerned that you won't be independent there, in which case maybe the next more lucrative career path is better for you. Like that. Best of luck, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I've been married for over 30 years, the children have now grown and left home. (I married in my teens) I'd hoped my husband and I could enjoy more time together now but over the last few years the physical side of our marriage has dwindled to almost nothing. He's never been very demonstrative but now he seems to prefer the TV to time with me. I've tried different things including making the first move, without success. And I've tried talking to him about it but he says he's happy the way things are and sees no need to change them. He is in good health, has a good job and no money worries. I really miss the feeling of being close to someone, the romance and the passion but he tells me to "grow up, real life's not like that.” Am I being unrealistic? Is this what I should expect the rest of my life to be like? If so it seems very bleak and lonely. Kathryn.

Dear Kathryn, Let's start with your husband's quote: "Grow up, real life's not like that." There's more wrong with that than I can get to, but just for starters, real life can, too, be like that. Real life sometimes is passionate and romantic. It's true that sometimes life is bleak, but the worst thing about your husband's quote is that it's manipulative; he's trying to shut you down for the sake of his own comfort. He's uncomfortable with your preferences. Note that that's what's going on here; it's his preferences vs. yours. I regret to inform you that you won't have an easy time of this no matter what. As I am fond of hearing: "You pays your money and takes your choice." I won't pretend to know every possible way to approach the situation, but the two main topic headings are the external, what we call objective, and internal, subjective approaches. As to the external, let's assume for the sake of discussion that you're fine, and it's all him. My take then would be that there are three main ways to go here. The first is to accept your husband as he is with all that means. (There are two subsets here, depending on your codes: you can live without physical demonstrations of affection or get them on the side. Incidentally, while I'm thinking about that, the second sub-option doesn't necessarily mean finding sexual satisfaction outside the marriage; there's a wide range of physical affection that does not step outside the normal bounds of marriage.) The second option is to get out of the marriage, and enjoy what affection you may find in the singles world, and/or get involved with someone who does behave as you'd like. (Watch out here, tho', you know pitfalls await the unwary in this department.) Thirdly, and maybe the most wearying, is to get yourself and your husband into a counseling situation. Pastor, shrink, MFCC, whatever. This one's tough, because if he doesn't see any need to change, you have to provide him with reasons. Like, maybe, he won't have a marriage at all if he doesn't. Divorce is a bitch, as anyone knows, and the woman still takes the brunt of it, tho' that's generally getting a bit better, but if your husband doesn't think that your preferences and desires constitute any reason for him to reconsider his attitudes, you might be better off in every way out of the marriage. I mean, you can hardly get less affection if you never get another hug in your life, can you? Okay, that's the "change the world" approach. You know what's coming next, don't you? Yeah, sorry, it's about checking yourself out. Here the field is vastly more complicated, and potentially vastly more rewarding. Here the questions to ask yourself are more unsettling. Here's where you plumb the depths of your entire life. Not much to ask, is it? Smile. Someone once told me that if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. As I've mentioned before, this one sticks with me. You're upset with your husband. That, I am sure, means that he's breaking some (maybe hidden) rule/s of yours. What is that rule, what are those rules? Where did you get those rules? What would happen if you abandoned those rules? (Will your entire world come crashing down around your ears?) This road is a long and difficult one. It re-engages parental issues (what did it take to get along in your family of origin?) Did you think you deserved a reward for having done right for the last 30 years? (I'm not saying you don't, I'm just suggesting you ask yourself whether what's going on is about your entitlement.) How have you been assuaging your sense of lack? I'll bet you've developed some habits which are not actually supportive of you. Alcohol was my compensatory habit, numbing my feelings of not being truly noticed or regarded. Of course, it really only served to take me away from my own life, not make it better. I didn't know this at the time, finding out only in a supported abstinence. Do you have any such behaviors? Over-eating, shopping unnecessarily, fixing other people, all these serve the same purpose: distracting oneself from one's life. BTW, these may not be fixable without help; seek counsel in your community, and if you don't have one, check out the nearest appropriate anonymous, 12-Step group. Because, it is in one's own life that, finally, all these issues are settled. Don't let me discourage you from the effort, either. The joys and rewards are boundless, a veritable cornucopia of adventure and delight, and up ahead, a better world than you ever let yourself even dream of. Hang in there, do the work, and watch your cosmos change. Let me know how it goes. I'll help as much as I can. Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I hope this doesn't sound stupid. It’s something I've always wanted to know. Why do rock stars get all the women? I figured you would know. Even my sister likes you a lot and she doesn’t really like anyone very much. She says hi, btw. I was thinking of becoming an architect but that doesn't seem to get the girls excited. Should I learn to play guitar? Thanks bro, Jon L.

Dear Jon, Thanks for asking. I've never wondered the same thing; I've been too busy trying to get the women by being a pop star so I've never had time to stop and tell on the roses, as it were. But since it all came up lo, these many years ago, I've actually given the matter some thought. Here's some of what I've come up with: For one thing, those of us who got into show business did so IN ORDER to get attention. This is sometimes an outgrowth of a conviction in childhood that people didn't much care about us, or even notice us. We determined that if we could get the millions (or, say, dozens) to love us, then it wouldn't matter that we weren't much regarded on an individual basis in our youth. For some of us, it worked. Unfortunately, it has its drawbacks. You don’t get to know these ahead of time, so I’m going to tell you. One of them is, that the girls we do get mostly want us for the show we put on. By that, I don't mean only the stuff that goes on onstage, but the way we present ourselves when we meet someone. I have a ready stock of funny stories and sly ways to hook a girl in, but in the end, that's what she goes for, and when it comes time for me to be myself, she's always kind of shocked. [...] Check it out: architecture is a deeply satisfying career and you're going to find a relationship that suits you if you'll only let it happen and what you do for a living will be only one measure of your true value in the eyes of a worthy, intelligent, supportive woman. Good luck, Peter” - 2008

* * *

“Being a hermit is almost certainly the worst approach to the issue. Too bad there isn't a Hermits Anonymous, but who would tell the hermits about it if they won't communicate with anyone? The problem, as I tried to indicate above, is that there is not enough connection with society, with others, with a circle of friends and people who love you.Tell you what: try volunteering at a soup kitchen or other charity outlet. Rely on what those in charge there tell you about your work, and for God's sake, don't let your mind tell you that your low opinion of yourself trumps their observations.There are a few other suggestions available to you, but the point here, I think, is for you to do something on behalf of your own value. Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.” - Peter

* * *

Peter, My name is Scott and I'm 37 years old. I was wondering, as you look back on your experience in the 1960's, how much of the political and social ideas of the youth movement and counter culture are still valid today and whether or not you feel the same about those ideas now as you did back then. Scott

Dear Scott, I won't go nearly so far as to say that everything that came up in the 60's was valid, but as far as I'm concerned, the 60's were to what will come as Greece was to democracy. Remember that in the 60's the political officeholders had lost all touch with the needs of the nation...kind of like the Bush administration now. Back then the voice of the establishment, Life magazine, was discovered to have doctored photos falsely indicating that LSD caused chromosomal damage. That proved what we (then) kids already knew: that those at the top preached fair play and honesty, but had no more need to honor those concepts than what would give them the next dollar without too much trouble. We saw perfectly clearly that we were on our own, that no one in authority cared about us. Now, like any bunch of kids left to their own devices, some, many, went off the rails. Every false step by somebody walking around under the cloak of the liberal hippy 60's was used as a pretext for dissing the entire generation. Those of us who were truly interested in liberty, fraternity and equality, however, knew we were onto something good and real. What had been called democracy was, and to some extent still is, a pretext for wrapping the will of the greedy and aggressive in a mantle of public acquiescence. Now, the business of wresting power away from those who make a specialty of wielding it will be a long and protracted struggle, with a lot of setbacks along the way. The outlines of the new style of governance are only dimly perceivable, and won't become clear for a long time to come. In the meantime, our job is to practice the principles of fairness and service to the extent possible. One thing is clear: there is a much higher joy in service than there is in acquisition of wealth. (Remember that it isn't money that's the root of all evil, it's the love of money.) Hanging together in brother - and sisterhood is so happy-making you want to sing right out loud. Yeah, I feel the same about those ideas as I did then...in case you couldn't tell. heheheh, Peter

* * *

“Again and again, my message is, behave as you'd like to be behaved towards. Not so original, actually, but truer for me the older I get. Putting it into practice, now, well, I get that it's far from easy.” - Peter

* * *

“I do believe that humans are designed to be happy as a general matter. I am coming to believe that, after biology is addressed (clinical depression, etc.), what usually gets in the way is the story/ies we tell ourselves and each other. If you listen, you’ll hear a lot of people tell you, ‘Oh, I’m the kind of person who always…’ or, ‘Oh, I’d never do such-and-such a thing….’ These are the tools by which we keep ourselves on a self-perpetuating circle—what in fact is really meant by karma. If you spend, say, 15 minutes a day just sitting and listening to your own mind chatter away, you’ll probably start to notice some of these patterns in your own life. Try it for a week. Set a timer, and don’t get up out of your chair unless one of the kids breaks an arm or some such. (BTW, you might not enjoy this at all at first, but hang in there. Must be present to win, you know.) As you become more familiar with the almost-automatic workings of your own head you might begin to detect the patterns that shut you down before you can enjoy what’s going on.I’m not one of those who say that everything is for the best. I am sure, however, that in any given situation, you have a range of options, and some of them are more conducive to calm than others. No matter how bad the situation, it’s always possible to worsen it, with a bit of effort. It’s also possible to take the calmest approach, and I am sure that if you make that your effort, your plan of attack, you will find your life slowly becoming happier. Incidentally, you won’t notice when you change over, but I do believe that one day you’ll notice that you’re happy enough. I certainly hope so. I’m sorry for your loss of your mother. Please take care of yourself, Peter”

* * *

“For one thing, I do divert a fair amount. I used to do it more than I do now (progress not perfection), but when I lived in LA, I’d pick a club at random some nights and go watch a band I’d never heard of. Or I’d take whatever paperback I was reading out to a coffee shop and sit for 90 minutes over a decaf Americano.I spend a fair amount of time on the computer, reading news sites, emailing and doing some games and/or puzzles. (I do believe Sudoku improves my brain. I hope I’m not deluding myself.) I also meditate, which greatly changes the dynamic of being alone. I don’t sit in meditation as much as I believe to be good for me, but when I do, my being alone is no longer a burden. Finally, I remind myself that there are a lot of things I like to do that company feels like it interferes: working on my music on the computer, practicing guitar to a virtual rock rhythm section, reading, both time-passing and significant stuff. And then, sometimes, no matter what, I’m lonely. Like I say, this is happening less and less over time. I have to attribute this, finally, to becoming more comfortable in my own skin. That in turn seems to come from being encouraged to do the right thing. My friends and support people are lining up more and more along the lines of, do respectable things, and you’ll gain self-respect.I wouldn’t know of my own experience, but I hear that volunteering for church and community groups get you out of your isolation. If you try it and you like it, tell me, and maybe I’ll try it, too.”

* * *

“[T]o answer your question directly, how one moves on from something that may not happen again is to find some other thought to substitute for that mournful ‘it may not happen again.’ If you hang on to that formulation it will poison your present. Try, ‘not bad, but let’s see if we can’t do even better.’ Or maybe, ‘God must have some wonderful plan for me. Can’t wait to find out what it is.’”

* * *

“BTW, day job, shmay job. When you need money, you’ll do what you have to, be it x-ray tech, or macburgerslinger. Remember to consider what you can bring to the situation rather than concentrating on what the job is going to suck out of you. You might also check out your life style, to see if you’ve gotten yourself more involved with the material world than would allow you to do what you want.”

* * *

“What I am sure about heartbreak is that you will be glad one day that this is behind you, both in the sense of: ‘Whew, I’m glad that’s over,’ and ‘I’m so happy I’m not involved in that anymore.’ In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

* * *

“If you want to hear from someone who’s older than you, you’ve come to the right place. That ‘Don’t quit before the miracle,’ which of course is not remotely original with me, is maybe one of the best general advises I have. (Can that be the plural of ‘advice’? ) Another, which kind of is a bit more original with me, is, ‘Be a hero to yourself.’ By that I mean, regard your life’s story in the same light as those tales of Greek and Roman heroes, who were born to kings and queens and found their lives dashed down to humble circumstances, and who redeemed their lives thru heroic deeds (with a lot of help). Those heroic stories, it turns out, are everybody’s stories, and it’s deeply useful, I am convinced, to regard ourselves as that kind of hero. Hang in there, and don’t quit just before the miracle. Peter”

* * *

“But this above all: if your well-being is threatened, you must take care of yourself first. There is almost no situation that warrants putting future situations over your present safety. If you can find a way to avoid being at risk at the hands of your tormentors without giving up your program, well and good. But your present safety and sanity come before your future. Please take care of yourself. I hope it works out for you. I’d love to know how it’s going. Please keep me up to date.”

* * *

“Firstly, anyone who can’t stand your history doesn’t deserve you, plain and simple.”

* * *

“One other thing: I am totally sure that Zen does not tell us to put up with any and everything that comes our way. I believe instead that the hope and idea is to do what must be done, including fighting for our human rights and needs, but without going into the blame game, doing what we have to do with a will and with best wishes for all involved. I think Jesus meant something like this, too, when he said love your enemies.”

* * *

“You’re not obliged to be where you’re not appreciated under any circumstances whatever. I’m sure of this.”

* * *

“But I can promise that your situation is not remotely hopeless. As to those who are giving you grief about your grief, well, basically, and not to put too fine a point on it, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

* * *

Hi, Peter! First, we just want to say that you are the BEST THING EVER. Second of all, I have a question for you involving what your opinion is on gay rights. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for three years, and in that time, have come across more example of discrimination than I would care to recap. We would like to know: what is your opinion on gay rights? Should we be treated with common decency and respect, or are we subhuman because we happen to be in love? Do we not deserve the right to marry, or adopt children? And why do people who think of themselves as good people treat other human beings this way? Best wishes, Mike

Well, Mike, Is this a trick question? Because the answer(s) is (are) the same whether you’re gay, black, a woman, Jewish, Catholic, handicapped, poor…have I left anyone out? (And I don’t want to hear middle-class straight white males try to tell me that they’re discriminated against in this modern, PC world. We m-c, s, w m’s are incredibly privileged, and while I’m sorry for the poor shlub who feels his place has been taken by somebody less qualified, etc., I think of the deprivations historically visited on all the above-mentioned before I get too indignant.) Oh, and one more thing. Everybody, believe it or not, believes that they are good people doing the best they can. There are very few exceptions, and even most of those few exceptions believe that they’re only getting back what was rightfully theirs in the first place. The very, very few exceptions left have errors in their brain circuitry that block their learning about such a thing as real, as opposed to public, consequences. These people are called sociopaths, and there seems to be no help for them. Everybody’s scared, you know. Everybody, to some extent or another. Trembling, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I am 16 years old, and am a huge fan of The Monkees!!! When I saw your advice column, I was wondering if you could help me out. Being 16, I feel like I'm being forced to grow up very suddenly. My parents keep talking about getting my permit, taking up part-time jobs, and they're even already asking me to look at colleges! To be honest, I don't think I'm ready for any of it. Driving scares me to pieces, and so does getting a job. As for college, I don't even like leaving home to stay at a friends house!! How could I possibly be ready to leave home just yet? I recognize that I've still got a few years before that happens, but the I'm jittery just thinking about it! The driving situation scares me a lot mostly because the thought of myself having the control of a car freaks me out. I don't know what to do. How do I get rid of all this fear and anxiety?? Forever your loving and adoring fan, Lydia P.S. I was just wondering if perhaps you could come perform somewhere in the Albany area. I'd LOVE to see you in concert very much!

Dear Lydia, my loving and adoring fan, I’m sad to hear of your anxieties. You must realize that there is no earthly reason why these thoughts of future activities should be scary. I underline “earthly” to say that your anxieties can not, rationally, arise from what is normally an excited anticipation. Therefore and hence, you have issues. Don’t despair, everybody does, to some extent or another. They can be dealt with. The point is that something is dogging you. I believe, on scant evidence, that it’s likely that you have childhood issues that cloud your sense of pleasure at the coming adventure of your young adult years. The other possibility is that you have anxiety disorders stemming from some genetic distraction. Don’t freak out here, either. This, too, is treatable. There’s one more possibility that occurs to me: your parents may be only too anxious to get rid of you. Maybe they want to have wild sex all over the house, and believe your living there is getting in the way…heheheh. I don’t know, but (ok, joking aside) it’s possible that they’re pushing you too hard for their own reasons, unrelated to the natural course of your leaving the nest. If this is true, it would explain to some extent your dislocation on the matter. By the way, if that is the explanation, you probably wouldn’t be able to get them to say so; I’m sure they’d regard it as too shameful an admission to come clean about. That would leave you in a bit of a pickle. BUT here’s the good news: none of this is fatal. It doesn’t even have to be crippling. No matter where it came from, it can be dealt with. Firstly, as you note yourself, you don’t have to face the stuff right away. Your anxiety may disappear as you get nearer to it all. In the meantime, and alternatively, you may find the psychological and spiritual counseling it takes to get past this. I also recommend meditation as a means of calming the soul. My favorite brand of that is Zen, but whatever you prefer you should do. Good luck, Peter PS, I’d love to bring the band to the Albany area. Keep your eyes open. It could happen.

* * *

Dear Peter! I have a problem with my volume in choir. My director is always telling me to sing louder, but I'm afraid of not sounding good/messing up, so I tend to veer away from singing out. I just don't want to mess up. I was wondering, do you know of any good ways to squash that perfectionist side of me? Bay, 13

Dear Bay, Yeah. Sing out loud, mess up a bunch and laugh right out loud at yourself. Also, check out the others in choir. Any of them singing worse than you would? Yes? I thought so. OK, then. Singing well at a new volume level takes a bit of practice, tho’, and you might want to warn your director and everyone around you that it may take a bit of time before you are singing loudly and well. BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes. Keep rockin’, Peter

* * *

“I believe very much in all that I believed in back in the 60’s. I hope I’m more aware of the practicalities than I was then, but I am positive that the values and principles I held then are critical to the well-being of the planet, or at the very least, critical to growth and contentment in the population. As to the practicalities: the chance of no more war in our lifetimes is so close to zero that I don’t imagine it possible, tho’ there well may be progress along these lines. May be. Sometimes I see the world as an eternal horse race between salvation and dissolution, now one, and now the other gaining the lead. But to the extent that we can learn, each and all of us, that the cooperative good is good for the greatest individual good (with safeguards, to be sure), that forgiveness is the route to true inner peace, and that not everything we deem wrong or bad may be so, to that extent hassles of all shapes, sizes and colors will diminish. I am so sure of all this that I would, I hope, be willing to bet my life on these principles.”

* * *

For starters, I will report that my kids mom and I never told them to be polite. Because we were polite to them, they naturally said "please" and "thank you" without any extra prompting on our parts. As to broccoli, well, 3-year-olds cannot be expected to be tactful, and whether they eat it or not must be a matter of negotiation, not of coercion, I'm sure. I used to gag at the taste of Brussels sprouts, and nothing could get me to eat them. I still don't like them much. heheheh Peter

* * *

“Let me say, tho', that I am not one of those who believes that everything is for the best. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can bring the best attitude possible to the situation. It seems to me that you believe you had a bargain with the forces of Karma, and that you feel betrayed. Betrayal is very infuriating, to be sure, but the laws of God and/or Karma are not actually known to us, merely guessed at. I've learned recently to ask myself one question: Would you rather be right or happy? I urge you to let go of what you thought was your due, and find the best way to live with what you got. There's still a lot of joy to be had regardless, I am sure.”

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evelhak · 8 months

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The ship bingo is very interesting... I would love to see KagaKuro done by the KagaKuro expert pretty please 🩵

The KagaKuro expert... My ego is very well fed.

It wasn't literally love at first sight... It was "koi no yokan" the feeling upon meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in love with them. If they had been able to listen to themselves carefully enough in the beginning, they would have known it, but they weren't, and in some paradoxical way that's what made their love possible, because they would have been too scared to know each other if the idea had been in their heads.

Bestest most OTP of my life second to nothing under or beyond the stars. No other pairing has punched me to the gut with the way they complement, not complete each other, to this extent, the way their story embodies the "I want to be with you even when I don't need to be with you" in other words, I've read so many love stories that never develop beyond co-dependency and their story explores what's beyond that and how much more a relationship can be when you need each other less. Or how much more love consists of looking together in the same direction than staring at each other. (Not that they don't do the latter as well, especially literally.) I have not exhausted my thoughts on them in over a decade, they are the deepest well to me.

The fandom hasn't ruined it as a whole, the fandom is mostly amazing and inspires me like nothing else I love you fandom. But because I get times I'm so desperate for new KagaKuro content I have sometimes read things I knew were not for me in any capacity and it took a lot of effort to erase the atrocities I saw from my mind. 🎶 "I know things now, many valuable things, that I hadn't known before... Isn't it nice to know a lot... And a little bit not".

Can we just call it canon... I literally sometimes forget that it's not canon and am surprised at the realisation that maybe the author doesn't see them together. A crazy thought. For real, I'm aware my reality is not other people's reality but I like mine very much. And you can too! I dare you! (That was said so gently and not at all demandingly.)

Yeah forget about three page essay it's a 900 000 word fic and my favourite joke with my translator friend right now is what will happen first... I hit million words or they finally have sex.

I... do want to smash them together like barbies. It took a long time to get to that mindset, but now that they're almost out of high school in my head, I'm going to challenge myself to writing sex eventually. It just seems like a natural progression.

Romeo and Juliet not really (and I have no clue what the rest of that even means) but there are definitely family members opposing their relationship, and some balconies, in various forms so I was just trying to get a bingo. (In vain.)

I want what they have in the sense that I never would have believed I would want my story centered around their relationship to become so huge for me that I would want it to be my magnum opus, my footprint in the world. But. Here we are. I don't so much want what they have as I want them to just keep doing whatever they do in my head because it gives me life.

Facebook status is complicated because it wasn't easy for them to tell their friends and family about their relationship. There were a lot of obstacles in the way before they ended up in a comfortable place.

I'm high just writing this.

#knb #kagakuro

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astroyongie · 2 years

Text

Stray Kids - June Reading

Note: Please remember to be respectful and mindful. Take my words with a grain of salt. Reading done through Tarot and Oracles, focusing on the members love, career and health topics. Enjoy ! <3

Bangchan

Concerning his love life, Bangchan still loves his ex and has really a hard time forgetting them. But after he took the decision to break up with them, despite keeping a good relationship with them, his ex doesn’t seem to want him back for now. Chan also has his ego, and he is currently trying to forget about them by seeing other people

He had a little of a creativity blockage but it seems like everything is going back to order. Chan is producing again and already working on his next hits. Also a lot of people wish to collaborate with him

Physical Health: There’s something not well on his stomach area, like he isn’t eating properly and it’s causing him some troubles on his digestive system. He also has been dealing with some throat soreness and headaches. Mental Health: Lately he has been dealing a lot with his own thoughts concerning some of his childhood traumas.

Minho

There’s nothing new about his love life, I didn’t get much info about it. Only that he is not entirely closed to love, but not open either

He had a little argument with one of the members concerning work, and he felt frustrated not to be listened to. He has many projects he wants to accept and work on, however he is also aware that his work life and family life isn’t balanced at all, so he doesn’t know if he is going to do everything he has planned to do

Physical Health: No Info Mental Health: Minho has been dealing with some emotional pain lately, a lot of anguish and anxiety as well

Changbin

there’s a love interest on his life lately, someone he has been feeling very attracted to. Nothing serious for now, they are learning to know each other, having some secret dates. Nothing set for now

His career life is rather well managed. Changbin finds time for himself and for work, he has good ideas and enough creativity to make music if he wants. He takes things easy

Physical Health:some troubles around his lumbar, hips and stomach area. Mental Health: Despite his good spot, he sometimes feels very vulnerable and has fantasies where he would run away and abandon everything behind

Hyunjin

As always his love life is a total mess. Nothing has changed, and he keeps being very paradoxal. At the moment he has two versions of himself. The one who doesn’t care and who is trying to prioritize himself and the other part who is still very jealous and possessive of the one he loves

Hyunjin seriously would need to step back a little from work because there’s so much going on, and despite the loads of excessive work he keeps working without giving himself a pause or rest time. He had arguments with a member (I supposed it was Minho based on the their readings) concerning exactly that. There’s a lot of projects, a lot of goals he is aiming and working for, giving poor time for himself or his family.

Physical Health: he needs to look out for his respiratory system and his vocal capacities so he doesn’t tire himself Mental Health: A lot of frustration, impulsivity and tiredness

Han

His current situation is a little complicated but to summarize everything: his partner cheated on him. He knows about it. But because he is so depends on them, he is complexity denying the facts. He is still with them, and it feels as like he pretends that nothing happened or that it wasn’t “that bad”. His close friends are also very involved in his life at the moment

In contrary of his members, Jisung seem to be complete in pause concerning his career. He had a lot of troubles focusing on his goals or on training. He isn’t writing or producing at the moment, feelings a little blocked and lost

Physical Health: troubles around his lungs, chest, heart, throat and sexual system. Mental Health: Very agitated, overthinks a lot and is very sensitive

Felix

Felix is unable to accept love, unable to get in a relationship and he runs away from his potential love interest/relationship due to his own fears and anxiety. His mother has been present a lot on his life and using her influence (it can be positive or negative) on her son. Her presence also conforts him.

Work isn’t going as he wants, I feels like the staff isn’t letting Felix breath. Something isn’t working well for him at the moment. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some rumors or a potential scandal happens, or like something happens involving him

Physical Health: Troubles with his skin, hair, tendons, spleen and bones. But also his knees and his heart Mental Health: Feels lovesick, alone and lonely. I feel depression, insomnias, anxiety and a lot of stress, like the reading and the energy was very charged and dark

Seungmin

Seungmin has found a potential lover and relationship, however he is being very careful because he still has a low self esteem and his mind his playing tricks. He is scared he will end up hurt once more

I see he had some fights with his manager/staff, that he rebelled against something they wanted him to do. Seungmin is working yes, but he is being careful how he is doing so

Physical Health: Had some pains concerning his tummy, digestive system but he is stabilizing it at the moment Mental Health: Still feels a lot of loneliness but he is working on healing his wounds

Jeongin

Jeongin has a strong desire to be in love, to be in a real relationship. However because of his current situation with a few people he is unable to go after that. He is trying to find a solution to that

Career wise, it seems like Jeongin is having and creating new partnerships / sponsorships for his new projects and goals that will happen after/during the world tour

Physical Health: Some pains on his thighs, lumbar area and hips. Liver problems too. Mental Health: He is very silent about it, but he is currently working on his self esteem and his inner strength to become a better person. He wants to spend time with animals

#stray kids #stray kids astrology #stray kids reading #stray kids tarot #stray kids headcanons #stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids blurbs

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theroadtofairyland · 1 year

Text

Before anyone judges my tone or behavior, I'd appreciate it if you'd take into consideration that in the last two weeks I've made one sale. It was just enough to keep the internet on. I'm way behind and I've suddenly realized why it's been so hard. I have had to spend two hours of every day reporting spam messages where people thank someone for the opportunity to spread things I, better than anyone know the lies in. I've seen two particularly vicious users create an indefensible mythology me. They started telling people I was a scammer they made this wild blog that immediately got taken down but they then sent as proof to confirm their own lies.

And they've done it again and again. They've skewed everything I ever say...I say the show I'm proposing is at a venue that books two years ahead so I may not have a show until 2025, which become, "she wants you to give her enough money to pay all her bills until 2025" spammed into inboxes.

I asked what is the scam? The scam is that I sell art. Every time I explain why I've drastically reduced prices based on financial hardship it's maligned as e-begging.

I realized as I dug into what the people I had blocked in the last decade had been saying in the margins. It turns out someone is big mad that I called them an anti-Semitic bigot when then said "Israel deserves to be blown off the fucking map" in 2016 and had such a fragile ego they can't let it go still and are determined to make me pay by whatever means necessary in 2023.

I hope you will consider how it would make you feel to read thousands of responses to spam that's sole purpose was to force your community to ostracize you. Imagine how it would feel if people who had thanked you for your sensitivity about deadnames on payment info and how it related to shipping swallowing what to me seems like their personal interaction should have caused them to be absurd.

The only reason I still have a place is that they want to tear down this 1905 Victorian and don't want to enter into a new lease, which a new law demands. I'm looking at being three months behind in rent, I'm so scared about utilities being shut off and I'm hindered by lack of materials. I'm not blaming loss of income on a stalker's harassment because I have no other excuse. I read people who had been regular customers for years promise never to purchase again to my stalker. People who had talked about their plans to buy a work or a deposit stated outright they canceled their plans. I'm hurt, a feeling so wronged, attacked, and really scared.

As all of this shitstorm created for the purpose of alienating my fans, I have this paradox that I see that no one else seems to, there is a person who has copypasted a message into 1000 inboxes of blogs combed from notes on my paintings "Kate doesn't have a stalker and she isn't being harassed." Think about how frustrating that is, to have spam sent to a 1000 people to tell them you're lying about being targeted for harassment.

#art #artists on tumblr #artist harassment #havekat #spam #harassment

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dissociationswagcompetition · 7 months

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🪴Hi… we’re the system who submitted that “the entirety of Dangan Ronpa” submission. Sorry, I must have missed that rule. The reason we submitted that is we almost tried our own hand at a plurality tournament, and found that DR had the paradoxical situation of having overt depictions of plurality that were heavily demonized… and yet having almost every single solitary character be diagnosable at the same time…?? Like the very “entity” of DR itself was plural.

But, Ah, sorry for the rambling… if you want preferences, I suppose… Hajime Hinata and Izuru Kamakura, Junko Enoshima and Ryoko Otonashi, then Chihiro Fujisaki and Alter Ego… only… one of those is really extremely demonized ;^^ (Chihiro and Alter Ego are technically creator and computer but Chihiro having such severe self loathing yet still making a program to talk to like a person with her face and naming it alter ego is… something!)

(Also fun fact less then 5 hours after submitting the original submission, a tumblr user *coincidentally* approached us to message us cause they thought we were cool. The reason why was they had 46 DR fictives of almost every character from every game. Go figure gdcdvvv,,, here’s a joke our friend posted about it:)

Ohhhhhh hi again! Yeah sorry I know in your submission you lamented on having difficulty choosing any specific characters/systems because yeah nearly everyone can be read as plural from what I'm getting :(

But thanks for giving a few preferred ones!!! We'll make sure at least one of em gets into the bracket :D

Also I can't get on anyone's cases for "bad" rep, I have Blitzwing in my corner- less demonized (he's a villain but yknow doesnt have the """Evil""" alter, theyre all assholes <3) but moreso "Ohhh he has multiple personalities! He's insane! He's Crazayyyayay!" so trust me none of us are without "I know it's not very good rep BUT..." here

#ALSO THAT CONVO WITH YOUR NEW FRIEND IS GREAT #Its NEVER not funny to have a fictive and go 'yep this is how it works. source: i asked the character.'#mod jetfire speaking #asks #transpanda-1 #but yes we shall include at least one of these guys! o7

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thetrinitarianmystery · 1 month

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A Wave: On Love and Individuality

This is the oldest poem in my collection—the first I wrote as a freshman in college. It was indeed a “starting point for thought” for me.

It was winter when I wrote it. There was a place I would go to think, a little nook in the rocks on the shoreline in a small town near Boston. I would watch the waves crash and break at my feet for hours on end, until the cold or the tide dictated that I should go home.

At the time I was grieving a close relationship, studying physics and theoretical mathematics at university, and reading such figures in classical Chinese philosophy as the Laozi, Confucius, and Zhuangzi.

Amidst this expansion of my worldview, I needed a place to anchor my thought. I felt that I was swimming in new concepts, and I needed a basic way to hold what I had known and what I was learning. I anchored my understanding in a great and generative paradox.

At once, the wave is entirely and only itself; it is irreducibly individual. Even the concept of a “wave” is an abstraction, a many-to-one mapping of real facts to a neat concept that ignores the “suchness,” or haecceity, of each wave itself—that irreducible individuality that escapes full linguistic or mathematical capture.

At the same time, there is no clear division between a wave and the rest of the ocean. It is part-and-whole simultaneously. One can draw a division, but the border is shifting, permeable, and ultimately arbitrary.

I began to notice that the division between myself and the rest of Reality (and by “Reality” I mean, “that which IS, prior to anything we may say about it”) has a similar character.

Once I have declared my borders (my skin, perhaps) in any given moment, I as a subset of Reality have an irreducible individuality. I may be conceptualized many ways, but I retain my haecceity, my unique “suchness.”

At the same time, I am part-and-whole of all that is, as the wave is to the ocean. Wherever I draw the line between self and Other, there is a blending and an interchange—a dance of sorts. The “Other” is continuous with and in constant interchange with “self.” This is a coordinated process of being and becoming.

What does this mean for us, concretely?

Well for one, this idea is experiential: let it be a starting point for thought, and see what comes of it.

See if you can notice that when you conceive of your self, your ego, you do so in relation to some imagined Other. You mutually conceptualize the agent and the arena, to borrow cognitive scientist and philosopher John Vervaeke’s terminology.

Now realize that that Other is not alien from and discontinuous with your self, but likewise part-and-whole of the same unified Reality.

If you’ll indulge it, notice too that in this very moment I am coming to you as that Other, with a message of great love and good tidings.

Indeed, when I started posting my poetry, I had no followers and no engagement. I was very much casting “a stone at the wave in my conceit.” It seems now that the olivine sea has carried the wave to break on your shore.

Let us marvel at how beautiful the world can be.

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#abstraction #Buddhism #christianity #god #love #philosophy #poetry #spirituality

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ebookporn · 1 year

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What is the future of ghost writing?

After devouring J.R. Moehringer’s deeply revealing self-examination of his work with Prince Harry and his identity as a ghostwriter in The New Yorker, a friend texted me with a question that surely was on the minds of a lot of readers unfamiliar with our field. Didn’t this violate the ghostwriter’s code? You know, what happens in Literary Vegas stays in Literary Vegas?

It’s a more than understandable response – based, unfortunately, on a more than outdated conception of the ghost’s duties. Pre-digital age, ghosts were, in fact, uniformly expected by their patrons to stay in the shadows. But thanks largely to the incredible power of social media, there are no secrets anymore. Once the Spare deal was done, we knew Moehringer was the ghost and how much he was paid faster than you can say Fleet Street. Even more notably, a growing number of authors are embracing this new reality by openly hat-tipping the help.

This is why, quite paradoxically, I would argue that Moehringer’s sharing of seemingly private details of his relationship with the Prince was a public service. Indeed, by pulling back the curtain on how ghosts engage with authors and wrestle with their own egos in un-Sparing detail, Moehringer opened the reading public’s eyes much wider to the progressive evolution of ghostwriters into collaborators – and foreshadowed a bit of the future for our field.

#ghostwriter #writerslife #writingcommunity #authors

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somepancakeonline5377 · 4 months

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Vent so uh yeah :((

No one is obliged to read this of course

———

At this point I am like pretty much fully convinced I’m Autistic. And right now in this moment I hate it.

I’m only saying this because I’m focusing on the negative but god. The feeling that I shall never be fully understood by the ones around me hurt.

I’m weird man, my behavior is not that of a normal person, it’s that of one who clearly doesn’t know how to behave and has no shame not because of cockiness but because of ignorance and idiocy.

The interest I possess I fear no one else around me shall ever truly understand how much it means to me which I know isn’t true but it feels as if it is. No on will ever understand how much Captain Underpants has fundamentally changed me as a person, they scoff when they hear it’s my favorite thing in the world but it is true.

I fear to be infantized by those around me, on one hand I don’t hate it, and think it’s stupid and funny but when it really matters such as when i discuss my emotions or try to show I care I fear I may come across as just an immature boy who wants to be mature.

And the worst of all, I fear I shall never understand love the same way my lovers do, I feel as if I cannot even feel it. Maybe I simply mistake friendship for romance which is indeed a possibility but it’s one I don’t believe at this point, because it IS different with them. But the lines are so blurry I fear that I will end up ruining everything, everything I say.

To be a disappointment to those I care for pains my soul in a way I cannot possibly express. But I fear it is my reality.

They must think how childish immature I truly am at heart. I’m not sure what is and what isn’t true about my level of maturity and intelligence but I assume both are very very low. Yet my ego believes it’s high. I must learn to not listen to my ego.

I know the only true way I can have a sense of purpose and feel alright is too simply make others okay.

For what else is my purpose.

I am but mortal, I am but a man, one who defies that of “normal” both with pride and with shame. A man who is both mature yet the most childish boy known to man, I am a walking paradox.

Truly, I am nothing more than me.

#vent post #tw vent

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infallible-dreamers · 1 year

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If I could tell the stars about you

11/11 finale

Finally finished... 84 years later. Read it on AO3

Alex walked back through the Pony doors alone. The encounter with Michael still playing in his mind, kept a subtle smile on his face. Michael had the guts to admit what Alex had been feeling for some time. But Michael, between kisses just whispered a tender apology and quiet admission of how he’d been feeling. And Alex knew the years of egos and poor communication couldn’t be solved in an instant, he just wanted to be kissed by the cowboy.

As he grabbed his jacket, he caught Liz’s eyes. She was short but as perceptive as a hawk, abandoning Max she bounded over. “Where are you going?”

“Home.” He replied, it wasn’t a lie.

“Wait, really?” Liz looked apologetic, before whispering, in front of her oblivious fiance who had caught up, “I can send these guys off.”

Alex simply laughed and put his arms through his jacket sleeve, telling her not to worry. “I think I should probably call it a night.”

She studied his face, and then finally sighed, unable to figure out what exactly had changed in the last quarter hour, “Okay, but I promise next time it’ll just be us.” Alex nodded.

Michael didn’t come back into the pony. Alex expected the other to have followed him back in at some point, at least say goodbye to his siblings.

Alex was surprised to see the cowboy still standing by his Jeep. Michael bit his upper lip trying and failing at hiding the elation he had when he saw Alex approach through the parking lot.

“You waited?”

“Of course, we’d said we’d talk?”

Alex let out an exasperated chuckle, still processing the surreal night. “I thought you might have left…”

“Nah… just couldn’t face Isobel.” He said, “they kind of know how I feel about you now.” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck as Alex's lips formed a tight line and he lifted a brow, “She would know what’s up as soon as she saw my face.”

“You told them?”

“Is that okay?”

Alex nodded, “I didn’t think you would.”

Michael took a step forward and slipped his hand into Alex’s jacket onto his back, “Well, I wanted to… We’re not the same kids we were back in highschool…” Michael paused as he continued to stare at Alex for assurance that he might agree, “in the back of a pick up truck… wishing on a shooting star.”

Alex’s eyes widened as the memory came flooding back, he’d almost forgotten. Lying lazily in the bed of the pickup, trying to spot a meteor amongst the thousands of stars littering the Roswell summer sky. Stars not too different from tonight. Alex couldn’t remember what he wished for at the time, he’d never thought he’d get it. Michael had wished for home, and now felt like he’d found it.

“Feels different now between us.”

“Yeah… it’s better.” Alex grinned, which brought a smile to the cowboy’s face. He reached out for Alex’s face with his free hand and gently caressed his jaw, thumb running along his cheek and coming to rest on his earlobe. Alex melted into the touch, taking a long blink before he placed a soft kiss on Michael’s mouth. He could feel Michael’s fingers slip lower on his back and hold him tighter.

They parted as Alex offered to drive them to his house to talk. The drive felt quick, and paradoxically just as long and the inevitable doubts started to creep in.

“Do you think you can be happy with someone like me?”

Alex’s face contorted and concentration shifted from the road a moment to Michael, before softening when their gaze met. There wasn’t any sarcasm or anger, instead restrained hope as Michael continued watching Alex drive.

“Michael. You know what annoyed me most? More than you being a complete tool? How much seeing you made me hopeful…” Alex sighed and seemed embarrassed as he looked pulled to a stop in his driveway, “even when you were pushing me away. I was still drawn to you… like something…”

“Cosmic…”

The words were taken out of his mouth and Alex nodded, staring at Michael with affection. He quietly got out and Michael followed him like a satellite. Michael watched curiously as Alex unlocked his front door, the airman’s mind turning over at a rapid rate.

“Mpmhh…” Michael groaned as soft lips crashed onto his, and they fell through the open door. Alex’s arm wrapped over his shoulders to steady himself before he fell backwards, and his tongue slipped into Michael’s open mouth. Michael’s free hand shut the door and returned opened mouth kisses as they stepped further into Alex’s unit, before he stopped, “You sure?” Michael gathered all his self restraint not to just kiss every inch of Alex’s skin, “Not that it wasn’t fucking epic last time, but it kinda ended pretty shit.”

“I think that has more to do with us… than the sex.” Alex admitted, “How about this, Michael, I won’t leave without talking if you don’t?” Michael could feel blood rushing south at the way Alex smirked, biting his lip to hide his amusement that Michael’s hands had already found their way under his shirt.

“God Alex… you’re going to be the death of me.”

Alex chuckled into another kiss, as he moved them towards the bedroom and both fell onto the bed. There was no urgency as Alex let Michael kiss down his neck, latching on above his collarbone, swirling his tongue at the growing bruise he’d left. Alex could feel his t-shirt getting stretched and pulled away to simply take it off, he urged the cowboy to do the same. Michael peeled off his shirt and kicked off his jeans and climbed up next to him, Alex gently guided Michael’s mouth to find his own again. His hands ran down Michael’s chest, fingers gliding through coarse chest hair before his lips followed, sucking on the areas that made Michael curse out loud. One hand around the base of the shaft, Alex smirked before he flicked the tip with his tongue smearing precum with his lips, making Michael reflexly tighten the grip in his hair. Alex unfazed teases and kisses before he takes it all in. He bobs on the cowboy’s dick looking at one point to meet his eyes right before Michael swears as he reaches his release.

Then Alex pulls off slowly with a couple more flicks of the tongue and leans away. Attempting to fumble with his own jean button, and felt Michael’s fingers replace his. “I’ve got it.” Michael asks for permission before sliding down his briefs with his jeans. Alex’s quads unilaterally tensed, Michael placed a gentle kiss to the inside of his thigh to relax his knee, before he slipped the jeans all the way down to confirm exactly why he was tense. All he wanted was Alex to be comfortable. Michael lifted a brow as if asking Alex if he, ‘was really going to be comfortable with his prosthetic on?’ Alex rolled his eyes, and this time allowed himself to completely relax.

“Fine, I'll take it off.”

Michael gives him space to take off the leg, watching carefully, in case he ever gets the chance to do it for Alex. As soon as the extra weight is gone, Alex finds himself pinned back on the mattress as Michael kisses him hard. Michael worked his way down again, down the crease of his abs and took Alex’s semi hard cock in his mouth and Alex didn’t hold anything back this time as he groaned loudly, bucking his hips. Michael moved his head to Alex’s thrusts, getting encouraged by each sound. He reaches his climax with a guttural moan and Michael smiles before popping off and licking his lips staring at Alex, his own dick hard and twitching once again.

“Bottom left drawer,” Alex huffs, coming down from his high, reading Michael’s mind. Leaning over to reach over, Michael is flipped on his back gripping the lube and condoms.

He chuckles at Alex’s earnest stare, and grabs the airman’s ass, pushing himself up on his elbows to reach for Alex’s kiss. He lubed up his fingers and pressed one finger around the rim before slowly pushing in

Alex groaned and fell into his shoulder, Michael hesitated. “No don’t stop.” Alex murmured as he breathed in Michael’s scent. Michael waited till he felt Alex relax before he moved his finger. He moved it back and forth until Alex was moaning, and then slipped in a second and then a third.

When Alex was finally ready, he moved his way off Michael’s hand and positioned his hole with Michael’s cock. Bracing his hips, he felt Michael shift forwards and he took him in. Alex moved from Michael's shoulder to rest his forehead again Michael’s own, as they both murmured sweet reassurances to each other, and then Michael moved and his hand wrapped around Alex’s own dick and the pleasure takes over and he meets everyone of the cowboys thrusts until he buries himself in the nape of Michael’s neck, muffling his moans as he comes.

Michael kissed him sloppily as he reached his own climax and they fell into each other, reverberating off their highs.

Alex feels Michael kiss the top of his head, but too tired to open his eyes, he lets himself fall asleep in the cowboy’s warm embrace.

—

If last night had been all in his mind, Michael was content just staying asleep. But there was a weight on his arm and he could feel the tickle of hair resting near his neck. He willed his eyes to open to see Alex on his phone typing out a message.

“So. I wasn't lying in a ditch having a fever dream…” Michael with his self-deprecating laugh continued in a content grin as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

“Hope not.” Alex murmured, putting away his phone down on the side table and turning to meet the cowboy eyes that were staring down at him. “So…”

“So…” Michael repeated with a smirk, fingertips grazing Alex’s cheek.

Alex leaned up and quickly placed his lips on Michael before he fell back into his pillow. Michael chased his lips, hands cupping his face. Their kisses grew fervid and soon Michael was leaning over him kissing his way along the lightly stubble jaw.

“Do you need to get that? It’s been ringing all morning.” Michael hadn’t even heard it over being enthralled by the man beneath him, from Alex’s expression it had been going a while.

“Do I have to?”

Alex smirked and pushed his chest away, forcing him to get up, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Michael whined but sat himself and grabbed his jeans off the floor, fishing his phone out of his pocket to see who had the audacity to steal his moment with Alex away.

“You little liar!!” He immediately winced and even Alex could hear the squeal from his side of the bed. Alex got up and slipping whatever he could grab on, grabbed his crutch from behind the headboard and mouthed he’d just be in the kitchen. “You thought I’d miss your truck in the parking lot!!”

“Seriously Is…” Michael watched Alex go, he wasn’t even leaving for good, it was his goddamn house, but he wanted him back in his arms.

“Don’t tell me you got an Uber! I know you don’t have the app.”

“I didn’t.”

She dropped the faux vexed attitude immediately at Michael’s honesty, he could hear the excitement in her voice, “Was it Alex?”

“Yes.”

As he let her get all her excitement out in the next minute as he looked around the room, it was the first time he’s actually been able to see it properly. Taking in the little splashes of personality that Alex had made to his bedroom, framed movie posters hung on the wall behind a dresser, wooden figurines and a mix of fiction and non fiction books neatly placed on top. It felt like Alex. Michael had almost forgot he was on the phone when Isobel's voice got even louder knowing full well Michael’s attention was elsewhere.

“See, this is why you should’ve told me sooner. I’m just that good.” Michael rolled his eyes, “Even if was just to pull your own head out of your ass.”

“Hey! We both had things to figure out, it just wasn’t our time then.”

Isobel's voice softened and Michael could imagine the look she was probably giving him, “What about now? Is it your time?

“I think so.” Michael smiled as he said it out loud.

“No seriously, Michael, I’m really happy for you.”

“Ok sure… sure. I’ve got to go now Is, don’t want to keep him waiting.” Michael murmured, before pausing “Also… thanks.”

–

Alex put a couple pieces of toast in the toaster, got a carton of eggs out of the fridge and grabbed a box of cereal, in case Michael wanted that instead. Once he put the kettle on and he leant against the counter for support, scoffing at his own broken mind. He couldn’t place the feeling he’d had since waking up that morning. He had been comfortable and on edge all at the same time. Some of his nerves had come from the very real but negligible chance he had misinterpreted Michael’s words, he wanted to be something in Alex’s life. It felt so different to that first night, falling into Michael’s trailer, yet he was still reluctant to trust his own emotions.

Michael looked disappointed when he sauntered out of the bedroom and into the small kitchen, with a frown he looked Alex up and down, “You got dressed.”

“Yeah...” The airman scrunched his face and put a scoop of instant coffee in the mug, “Not very hygienic to prepare breakfast otherwise.”

“I wouldn’t have minded…”

Alex chuckled and poured the hot water, “I’m sure… Coffee?” The cowboy nodded, and Alex prepared two before handing one to Michael. “Stop me if I’ve got it all wrong,” Alex paused and rubbed the nape of his neck, stalling, “but would you want to go on a proper date sometime?”

Michael's eyes widened as he heard it, before his face broke out into the biggest grin Alex had seen on the man, “Hell yes, Manes.” He’d already closed the distance before Alex even had a chance to exhale and Alex was thankful he let go of his mug over the counter because he staggered back. Michael caught his hip and then his lips.

As they pulled apart, Michael kept him in an embrace as Alex chuckled into his neck. Alex could finally place it.

He was happy.

#malex #rnm fic #michael guerin x alex manes #my writing #my fic #Michael guerin #Alex manes #rnm fiction #roswell new mexico #living up to its rating

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