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snkpolls · 3 years

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SnK Episode 61 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 359 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 347 Responses

While this episode wasn’t as big of a hit as episode 60, overall most viewers still enjoyed the content and are looking forward to more next week!

amazing amazing! I'm so delighted with this season so far!

Im so beyond pumped i love everything

Dissapointing but acceptable.

I’m like angry I loved it so much.

I just wish we didn't have to wait a week

It was amazing. We all gotta apologize to MAPPA for ever doubting them.

It's a huge stepdown from episode 1. At times the animation was straight up painful to watch. My expectations were low and yet I'm still disappointed :/

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCENE/MOMENT? 349 Responses

Reiner-centric scenes were the highest on people’s radar, with 24.9% of respondents enjoying his reunion with the warrior cadets, and not far behind, 22.9% enjoyed Reiner bringing up the 104th at the dinner table. In third, with only 13.5%, was Pieck and Porco’s formal introduction to the audience.

Hearing Zeke greet his grandparents with such happiness warmed my heart. I do believe that he loves them.

They just had to add one last image of Ymir's broken face before she died, huh? :(

WE FORGOT TO ASK LAST WEEK D: WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES/MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 60 WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 348 Responses

Last week we forgot to include what your favorite scenes were. The scene from episode 60 that got the most favor was Reiner’s, “I’m sick and tired… of walls” with 33.6% of the vote. 16.7% most enjoyed Zeke’s titan transforming scream. 14.9% were hyped about Reiner and Porco wrecking Fort Slava.

MAPPA WENT ALL OUT WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CINEMATIC PANS AND ROTOSCOPE ANIMATION? 349 Responses

Overall, a total of 74.5% respondents have positive feelings about MAPPA’s use of rotoscope animation and camera panning. Some felt like it was akin to watching a movie, while others are just happy to have the dynamic movement. A smaller amount of respondents didn’t have feelings one way or another, and a minority (about 10.3%) really are not a fan of this type of animation style for the series.

It felt odd sometimes as they used it for long scenes (like Udo talking or Gabi telling the story to her family) but overall it was pretty great and I prefer it to WIT's stale animation during season 3

I liked the more dynamic movement during dialogue, but my roommate found it super awkward and off-model. So a fifty-fifty split in a sample size of two lol

It could have been animated better, but I like the extra dimension it gives to scenes

Enjoyed it a lot! However, there were a few scenes that felt a bit off, like some frames were missing. Specifically, when Udo was doing all those gestures while talking with the rest of the Warrior Candidates.

It felt dynamic to the point of looking unnatural - some gestures and expressions just moved wrong

i'm split, in some scenes it was great (like reiner waking up), but in the dialogue scenes the constant movement seemed kinda unnatural and distracting

It was amazing but at the same time I'd didn't look fluid enough, especially at Udo's mouvements which made the character look kind of...video game-ish in constant moving.

I thought it looked great the rotoscoping,the movements all looked amazing

The animation during Urdu’s scene is so cool! I was caught of guard at first though lol. It’s so realistic!

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN TO HEAR A LITTLE MORE OF THE NEW OST TRACKS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK SO FAR THIS SEASON? 344 Responses

So far, reception to the newer music is overall positive. 31.1% are really enjoying the music and think the songs are being used immaculately, and 40.4% really feel that the song choice compliments the scenes they’ve been used in. 13.1% think the songs are good, but miss having that sole Sawano feel to them. 10.8% just feel the music is “ok” and 2.6% aren’t a fan of the new OST tracks so far.

I mean it sounds good, but we haven't gotten to important moments that require a memorable track, so we'll see!

First episode slapped because it really complemented the scene but it's more... generic. I didn't like how it was used in this episode, there wasn't enough of it and again, generic. I miss Sawano's unreal scores.

the animation absolutely blew me away, and i love the intense music that played during Reiners monologue

The music is fine.

I've heard both new and old songs from the previous seasons. Still too soon to make an opinion as we need to hear more.

I am deaf, I can't hear no damn soundtracks

That music guys when they came back to Liberio and reuniting with they parents, made me tear up but also because the scouts never had the chance to go back home with victory in the arms of their family, I wish I could have seen EMA like this.. It kinda felt unfair X) but I was happy for them nevertheless.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CLOSEUP OF ZEKE’S MOUTH? 346 Responses

Our first of probably too many crack questions in this poll, 32.7% thought the closeup of Zeke lighting his cigarette was cool looking. 21.4% are concerned about Zeke’s lung health. 19.1% are probably annoyed with us and simply don’t care (lol). 13.3% wouldn’t mind smooching Zeke, and 11% were just plain grossed out.

Does smoke even affect a titan shifter? Surely his lungs just heal themselves

ASMR for the eyes, right there. Aww yiss

It was awesome! Zeke is shown as relaxed person with a big drop of mystery.

Smoking Bad but he is gonna die in a year anyway

Suuuuuuucc

It might've just been an artistic choice to include it in there, but i gotta say I'm oddly fascinated and idk why

I don’t remember it lol

I didn't even notice.

Zeke looks hotter than he has ever looked

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT ELDIAN ASSES? 341 Responses

Most of the responses seemed to feel rather positively about Eldian asses, with almost 40% seeking out Zeke’s ass wiping technique. About 17% simply stated their appreciation for them, while almost 13% are just thirsty. In contrast, a little over 17% seemed confused to the question’s inclusion and about 10% were confused outright.

MAPPA WHERE IS PIECK'S ASS

More into Eldian thighs, really

I bet Levi’s is nice

If only Eren had one

zeke has the energy of a straight man who doesn't wash his ass

Only Shadis' ass

GIVE IT TO ME 😏😏

They are like normal, human asses. Do not turn them into some magical, special snowflakes, just because they belong to Eldians.

Seek help

Enough

DO YOU WANT REINER TO GIVE YOU A HEAD PAT? 343 Responses

A definitive majority, almost 59 percent, openly expressed enthusiasm for the prospect of a head pat from Reiner. However, a near 30% fraction of responders didn’t seem too happy about this recent chain of less than serious questions. We’re sorry about that. 😅. The rest either didn’t seem interested in said prospect or noted they wouldn’t care either way.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE DECISION FROM MAPPA TO CONDENSE REINER’S FLASHBACK INTO (PRESUMABLY) A SINGLE EPISODE? 346 Responses

It would appear that the majority of those who took our poll express cautious optimism at the prospect of seeing all (or the vast majority) of Reiner’s backstory being adapted into a single episode, with a near 47% supporting the move, thinking it could make the narrative “more coherent”. Almost 20% argue it would work better pacing wise. On the flipside, just over 17% state that they would rather have a more accurate adaptation to the manga. 11.6% simply say they have no opinion. There were also more than a few write-ins.

I do wish everything could be animated to full detail, but pacing and structure will benefit here

They've done a good job so far, so I'll reserve judgement until I actually watch it.

It will be difficult as they're chapters with loads of dialogue, but they can pull it off if unnecessary stuff gets cut out or changed in some type of way (like watching Marcel's death for the sixth time, them breaking through the wall or even Jean and Eren fighting)

If they get the pacing right, then the rearrangement will be for the better.

Reiner flashbacks + Reiner suicide attempt + Falco meeting "Kruger" (more than 2,5 chapters) in a single episode? HELL NO! WTF MAPPA!

Worried and cautiously optimistic.

At least it looks like they're going to stick to just one episode for the RBA flashback. It was mostly just filler anyway, so there was never any need to stretch it out and waste precious time getting back to the Paradis side of the story

I doubt that that's exactly how it is, but if so, then I don't think that that's a wise idea

It’s gonna be rushed as hell

Reiner flashback is very long and there is tons of dialogue, so I dont know how its going fit in only one episode, but if they can make it work then its fine for me

WHICH CHARACTER DESIGN DID YOU LIKE BEST IN COMPARISON TO THE MANGA? 346 Responses

This question gave us a somewhat evenly split pie chart, but Porco nonetheless managed to gain the bigger piece with just over 55%. Surely due to that bomber jacket and haircut. Nearly 45% picked Pieck (gottem) instead. Must have been the somewhat inconsistent nose.

WHO’S SEIYUU DID YOU LIKE BEST? 335 Responses

On the flip side, 68.4% seemed to prefer Pieck’s soft voice. Porco with his (how the hell does Porco sound like… how can you describe his voice) managed to win the hearts of 31.6% of responses.

Pieck voice wtf? I imagined Pieck with a more Hanji-ish voice, not this sweet and high pitched.

DID MAPPA DO PIECK’S NOSE JUSTICE? 345 Responses

The debacle over Pieck’s POWERFUL nose gave us quite a colorful pie chart. Almost 39% of responses noted that Mappa was on point with Pieck’s nose for most of the episode. Afterwards, 26.7% stated that they thought that Mappa got it right only in some points of the episode. On the flip side, another 26.7% thought that Mappa was generally quite on point throughout the entire episode. A small minority (7.8%) thought that Mappa simply did a poor job.

The animation is good, and while I don't want to complain, I have a small problem with the drawings themselves. I feel like they lack precision (like Pieck's nose, idk if that's clear).

I'm grateful for Pieck's nose. I always respected Isayama for drawing imperfect characters, because this way he has made them to look more realistic. Even though Pieck has so-called imperfect nose, she is still absolutely gorgeous. Her imperfections are part of what makes her beautiful and unique.

PORCO’S HAIR - WERE YOU TEAM RED HAIR OR BLOND HAIR? AND ARE YOU HAPPY WITH HIS ANIME COLOR SCHEME? 345 Responses

A far less controversial debacle concerned Porco’s hair scheme. The folks supporting a Blond color scheme were universally content with his hair color (all 57.4% of team Blond). On the flip side, an almost universal approval was also present from team Redhead (13.6% of those supported his blond hair color). 27.5% of the responses seemed to care not about this issue at all, however.

NOW THAT WE KNOW PORCO BETTER IN THE MANGA, DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE *ACTUALLY* DONE A BETTER JOB THAN REINER IF HE HAD INHERITED THE ARMOR AND WENT TO PARADIS? 348 Responses

Porco inheriting the Armored Titan is a rather interesting what-if scenario. Perhaps of the most interesting as a whole, so it’s no surprise to see a rather divided opinion of those who took our poll. A little over 36% believe that Porco doing a better job than Reiner on Paradis is a definite possibility. Just over 24% believe it’s not likely Porco would have done better than Reiner. On the flip side, 21.6% think that is is likely Porco *would* have a more successful conduct on the island. 9.2% believe that Porco’s success is a given and in opposition to that, 8.9% think that Porco’s success would have been basically impossible.

HOW ABOUT IF PIECK HAD GONE TO PARADIS WITH THE WARRIORS? 346 Responses

Much less division here, however. 70.5% of responders believe that Pieck’s possible trip to Paradis (in the initial attack) would have not have resulted in a given “mission success” for the Warriors, although she would have been a rather useful ally. Nearly a quarter, on the other hand, think that Pieck’s inclusion would have ended the story right then and there. The rather small minority of the other responders think that Pieck would not have been useful had she participated in the mission.

GABI HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. HAS MAPPA BRINGING HER TO LIFE CHANGED YOUR FEELINGS TOWARD HER? 342 Responses

64.6% of respondents overall have positive feelings toward Gabi as of right now, with 39.5% having already been enjoying her character throughout the manga. 25.1% now view her more positively with her being brought to life. 20.2% don’t really care about Gabi either way, and 11.7% feel very negatively toward Gabi, without the anime swaying their opinions.

Gabi still sucks

Sakura ayane as gabi is probably the best thing to happen to me all year

WITH SUCH A DIALOGUE-HEAVY ARC, CUTS WERE INEVITABLE. WHICH CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN, AND WHICH CUTS CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

Overwhelmingly, the scenes that were most missed by manga readers were “Pieck walking on all fours/scaring Porco”, “Zeke mentioning the Ackerman Clan”, “Reiner’s smirk when his family talks about ‘Island Devils’”, and “The imagery of Eren and Armin wrecking ships”. Smaller character details, such as Reiner mentioning how he acted like Marcel on Paradis, Gabi wishing to understand Reiner’s feelings, Falco pointing out how Reiner almost had the Armor taken from him, were also very missed by manga readers, although just less so.

General Calvi talking about Zeke’s loyalty, Gabi getting praise from her parents when they reunite, and Magath trashing the Marleyan navy, were moments that many respondents didn’t feel strongly about one way or another, or felt that these were details that weren’t really needed anyway.

Cutting the scene where Falcon talks about why Reiner kept the AT was really bad. Also the table scene could have been better. Some imagery when Reiner was describing the 104th and his smirk.

The cuts the anime has done made the spectators less informed about some story background stuff. This is in order to direct attention to the marley's eldians planning how to overcome the world's disparagement towards the power of the titans.

I'm sad they cut the gate guards. They humanize the marleyans a bit. Hope they add their scenes next episode and do them justice.

I hope we will get the Gabi/Reiner talk about understanding each other through PATHS when she eats him next episode

Gimme crawling best giiiirl

MAPPA cut Pieck's ass so this episode wouldn't be so ass centered with Zeke's ass wiping technique. This is my theory lol

Great episode but U was so looking forward to the Reiner scene talking about Paradis “devils”. In the mange it was a powerful scene really adding to the duality of Reiner and the pain he has, and the animation did not do it justice. Plus some parts of his speech were probably hard to understand for a non mange reader without the flashback. (Like which one is referring to Jean for example). I really wish it had been better delivered

IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE’LL SEE SOME OF THESE CUTS ANIMATED IN A LATER EPISODE? 342 Responses

them into different scenes. Overall, the majority answered a big, fat, “maybe.” 15.8% are confident that what’s done has been done, and 12.6% are more optimistic that MAPPA will find a way.

Overall I was a bit disappointed. I feel like the amount of material cut from every conversation included really added up overall and gave it a very rushed feel to me. I really hope they add it all in later.

ON THE FLIP-SIDE, WHICH ADDITIONS/CHANGES DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE?

The changes and additions that MAPPA made were overall viewed very favorably, with the scene of Porco and Pieck interacting with the warrior cadets being the most liked addition. This is followed closely by the overall character movement during dialogue scenes, the small detail about Pieck’s father being unwell, and Gabi shouting “Watashi!” on the train.

I loved the additional details made it very emotional

IT WAS A GREAT TIME TO BE GALLIPIECK TRASH

Sneakier Eren's a nice addition too

Porco my boiii I'm so happy he's here 💖💖💖💖 if mappa is adding some extra scenes then gimme more of gallirei 👀

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 338 Responses

Unsurprisingly, 42% of respondents are hyped about Kenny’s brief return and Annie’s unlikely encounter with him in the Underground. 22.2% are eager to get that sweet Reiner angst as he is rejected by his Marleyan father. 17.8% are looking forward to Reiner’s training days.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

great! it was inevitable they would cut stuff but it hasn't changed any major plot point or thing i would want to see desperately

It was just really great to see the scenes animated, it adds another level of depth and understanding to the story I believe.

Loved anime-onlies missing Eren completely. Some even thought it was him but then noticed the leg and thought against it

I think it was very well done. Just need a little getting used to with MAPPA on the reins now. I think MAPPA added some scenes to show how those Eldians over there are still just human after all and they have their own problems to deal with. 8/10 episode.

I feel like they took a lot of emotion way from reiner. made him seemed stoic and determined to go to the island even though in the make he looked scared about having to return.

I thought the rotoscoping was really well done! I’m happy with the pacing, the fact that the episode felt like it went by fast is good considering it was dialogue based.

Incredible. The direction, the cinematic quality, we are feasting. MAPPA is elevating the story beyond anything I could have imagined! I'm beyond hyped for the rest!! But where is asshole Marley guards/Hobo!Eren's appearance as a favorite moment?!

Incredible, it adapts the source material very well while adding some touches that make it unique in it's own way. As a manga reader, I'm really glad that they're doing this because it feels like a completly different experience from reading it and makes me excited on what changes or directing choices they're going to make during the course of the season, great job so far MAPPA!

Such an amazing episode. Made 20mins feel like 5. MAPPA is doing fantastic. The characters have never felt more alive and the animation style is something I never knew I wanted until now.

I can't believe they didn't cast Mads Mikkelsen to voice Mads Mikkelsen

The episode was good but the dinner scene didn't do justice to the manga. It didn't have the same feeling to it. I saw a lot of anime onlys thinking Reiner was just trying to talk shit about the 104th. I feel like the flashbacks during that part in the manga gave it a nostalgic feeling that helped convey what he truly felt about his time on the island. His facial expressions were not quite there either. Specially sad because it was the moment I was expecting the most this episode and because it's a big part of Reiner's character, maybe next episode can kind of fix this.

I haven't seen the anime only poll results, but given personal conversations with them I imagine quite a few could care less about the Warriors and are looking forward to the 104th showing up to stir shit up. Boy are those folks in for a treat :)

I knew I'd feel more attached to all of them once they got animated. I didn't expect getting real thirsty for Lainah.

I was so happy with how much detail MAPPA put into the background scenery. Also, I think that an underrated moment during this episode was the Marlian douchebag triggering the Eldian soldier’s PTSD. You could really feel their terror, and THEY KEPT THE HOBO EREN PART IM SO HAPPY!

Its consistently very pretty and well animated which is great of course, but I worry the team won’t be able to maintain this quality for some of the meatier scenes in the later episodes. The fast pace of the episode (compared to the manga) as well as the many cuts make it a bit harder for scenes to stick, I wish there was a bit more breathing room at times. This also makes the fancy animation and frequent rotoscoping cuts feel less impactful for me—with every scene being cut down to its core ingredients, and every scene having at least one cut with more motion and energy than we’re used to, I can’t help but feel it all kind of mashes together without sticking out as much, leaving less of an impact. (I feel really really weird actually complaining about good camerawork/animation, what the hell lol) Also hobo <3

Plenty of questions about ass but no questions about the full ED? Or how we thought the episode did at hiding Eren in plain sight?

rip Reiner's chocolate abs :'(

The episode wasn't as interesting as the first one. I was yawning from time to time. Yet, I think that Mappa did a great job, because it's hard to animate full of dialogues chapters. I was disappointed of the fact that flashbacks from Paradis have been cut. I hoped to see Sasha, Connie, Ymir and Marco while Reiner was speaking about them. Without the flashbacks we just got the dry speech and this way hard to say what Reiner is really thinking about people he met on Paradis. We - as manga readers - already are aware of his feelings, but anime onlies may not know and see Reiner as cold hearted person. I'm not complaining over animations or the OST tracks because no studio is perfect and some small mistakes here and there won't destroy my fun. I just sit and enjoy the episode.

Very good, with the exception of the dinner scene, in which the director missed the mark completely with the tone.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 328 Responses

Thank you again for participating! We’ll see you again next week!

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk s4 #snk spoilers

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ablednt · 4 years

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The Oof Side of having RSD

Long post I know but this stuff is important cause sometimes being ND and mentally ill cam be ugly and hard too and that needs to be talked about too.

Most of this I think is more prevalent in people who don't know they're ND so if anyone is relating to this even if NT then you're fully encouraged to reblog

Fixating on individual people as the Valid Person in your life. They are the Authority. You Have to please THIS one person at any time. You probably won't realize that you're idolizing them cause normally it's a friend or mutual so you think oh it's just that they're so much cooler than me. You start to try and find excuses to talk to them more because you Just. Need to talk to them (about anything! You just need to be in their presence!) for reasons you don't really understand yourself. This causes you to become hyperaware of their behavior and words so you can fine tune yourself to fit this persons standards for a good person. (This, as far as I know, can also be a bpd experience but I don't have bpd so I don't know where the overlap ends) This can also be multiple people but usually it boils down to one or two people. You start to base your self worth on their mannerisms and ability to validate you and so you feel bad talking to them now but you keep doing it til they eventually can't cope with it and leave and you don't know what to do from there and you feel sick and betrayed somehow.

Lashing out at others to "get back at them" for perceived rejection. This is a sentiment I think ties into how passive aggression is glorified in our current society and seen as really cool or whatever. Anyway I'm talking about (as an example from my intrusive thoughts recently I ignored) stuff like "No one responded to me on my discord so I'm deleting this channel/the message" and shit like that. It's like. Instead of self care you think you will feel better or be standing up for yourself if you do something to "punish" whoever made you upset. Not only is this a bad mindset to have in general but a lot of the time people haven't done anything seriously wrong but rsd is making you feel like shit so you think it must be their fault cause it's not like you know you have rsd.

Feeling like you always have to be on the defense or offense. Now this one is a bit tricky cause on one hand, personally, when people have accused me of this they were also incredibly toxic and attempting to shut me up entirely but on the other I have gotten into these unhealthy behaviors before so try and think individual situations through thoroughly to try and examine whether or not your reactions were reasonable given the context and your current state of being. But with this kinda stuff I'm talking about when you think someone might be mad at you over a disagreement or some other reason and you feel the urge to make yourself pityable to avoid any perceived rejection (as an example from my past "Sorry if that was argumentative, my dad always made every thing into a debate and I don't know how to act normally"). Or to lash out by going on the offense. Normally this isn't an intentional behavior it's instinctual because those are two survival responses to feeling like you're about to be hurt. The problem comes in when you have rsd because perceived rejection is everywhere so you will constantly be in that flight or fight mindset unless you learn to keep these reactions in check.

Self depreciation. This one ties into the last one in that it's a type of survival response. If you beat anyone to demeaning yourself then maybe they'll accept you. This is also something that's glorified currently as it's seen as funny and cool. While it's good to recognize imperfections and embrace them I'm talking about mindsets of "lol I'm trash! I'm ugly lmao! I'm a bitch ik lmao" and for unknowingly hyperverbal or adhd folks it tends to be "I know I talk too much when will I shut up lmao" and varients. Basically, its a mindset of "well everyone wants to hurt me, if I want to hurt myself then we have something in common, everyone's happy." That's a subconscious mindset but it leads to toxic friendships (sometimes on both sides sometimes just on the other persons) and a lot of hurt in the long run for others too but especially for you.

What all of these behaviors boil down to is this: When you're ND and/or mentally ill you grow up feeling less than everyone else, feeling broken and undesirable. That's no way to live so to survive your brain starts looking for validation anywhere and everywhere with all the desperation of looking for water in the middle of a desert. But the problem is that the wounds from this stuff are now so deep and fundemental to your development that while support can and will help you, you first have to work on unlearning the ableism and self hate. The only person who you're really trying to prove anything to is yourself.

When I was 17 a friend expressed that I might be autistic and around the same time I learned about my ADHD and I had been exhibiting all these behaviors. I felt relieved because I was realizing that these things were survival instincts, that I wasn't simply a failure or unable to hold relationships. I absolutely hated myself that time of my life and I have had my ups and downs since then but because I knew now it was a result of being marginalized and not my own worth I began to work on self love and now these behaviors are just intrusive thoughts I deal with normally.

It CAN get better, you aren't undeserving of healing or forgiveness, and you deserve to be able to look back one day and realize that you love yourself and You're imperfect and messy but you at least feel in control of yourself. Leaving that fight and flight mode and learning to regulate your emotions is hard but it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced thus far in my life.

Anyway that was long sorry but hopefully it's helpful and if anyone needs help or wants to talk my inbox is always open <3

#rejection sensitivity #rejection sensitive dysphoria #adhd #actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually anxious #anxiety #depression #(if you reblog please tag anything you feel is relevant)#long post

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #352

my head’s a mess and a half, i can’t think of lyrics to put here so yeah here’s the survey

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? Uh I think it was a pepper in this Healthy Choice dinner bowl I had yesterday. What was your last Facebook notification for? A friend liking this photo I shared of some beautiful, small rock and pebble sculptures of people. What bands have you seen live? Just Alice Cooper. Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She only has one kidney due to the other being taken out because of kidney cancer when I was a kid. Coincidentally, her father was actually born with only one as well. What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? Nothing really comes to mind. What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? SUPER against? I dunno, man. What are your plans later today? I don't know. Yesterday my mother informed me that Jason's mother died, and since then I've been in shock. I was in awful condition yesterday because I absolutely adore(d) her like she was MY family, and once upon a time I thought she would be officially, and I still feel very, very dead. I doubt I'll get anything done today. Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Definitely not exciting... Mom and possibly I are probably bringing Jason's family food for the family get-together they're having (we're not staying for... obvious reasons), but she's unsure because it might be a bit too awkward. I'll stay in the car because I don't want to disrespect Jason's space, but I REALLY want to go through with this. His mom was so important to me, and I don't want to just... do nothing as if she meant just that. I want the family to know I never stopped caring just because there was a breakup. Plus I wanna give Jason his favorite chocolate bar to try to bring him a bit of happiness. I can't imagine what he's feeling, and my instinct of "I need to protect him" absolutely never went away. Who do you talk to the most? My mom. What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Go to bed before 9PM, sometimes even before 8. And my knees pop like a motherfucker. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt and Sam. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; instead, I just wish it was clearer. I have extremely dry skin, especially on my arms, so I have little bumps and marks there, as well as little freckles over my body. Having like, porcelain skin would be amaaaazing. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it. Look more badass, haha. Have you had an x-ray in the past year? I think so, on my legs. It may have been over a year ago, idr. Do you think your first love still loves you? I don't want to know. I really don't. What is something that is “going right” in your life? *blinks* When did you feel ready to start dating? Seriously, probably late middle school. When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? My snake Venus has never bitten me. Meanwhile, my cat Roman lightly (and sometimes not so lightly...) bites me pretty much every day when I play with him, lol. Where were you the last time you made out? My bed. When was the last time you cried tears of joy? I probably haven't done that since I met Sara irl. How do you type your sad smileys? One of these three: :( or :c or :< Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? No. What was the last soda you drank? Mountain Lightning, a Mtn. Dew ripoff bc we're cheap, lol. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don't know. Have you ever had any type of surgery? Yeah, a cyst removal as well as tubes in my ears. Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? Uh no????? Who was the last person to hit on you? That I'm actually aware of, Sara. I'm quite sure nobody has since. What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? I was too weak to even clean the litterbox last night. I just wanted to go to bed. I need to do it today. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Hm. Maybe that I didn't love Joel? It was just really awkward and I felt awful about the whole situation. What do you put on hot dogs? Ketchup and mustard. Ever fallen in the shower? I've fallen OUT of the shower. I was extremely dizzy and was trying to get out, and I just passed out onto my chin. Broke some molars and got a concussion. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Probably a bitch or something. Do you think that things will get better? I sure hope so. Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I guess I kinda have. My WoW friend Lisa and I were talking, and she wasn't feeling well at all when she suddenly disappeared. Coincidentally, her husband got home RIGHT when I messaged her again, wanting to check up on her, and he heard the alert so checked it out. Lisa was knocked out on the couch having some medical emergency with a name I can't remember, and he just thought she was sleeping. Because of seeing the chat, he took her to the hospital when she probably would've died otherwise. She insists I saved her. What’s your favourite book genre? Fantasy. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? No. Do dogs like you? They definitely seem to. Animals in general honestly do. Would you say that you project an air of authority? Definitely not. Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? No. I've always wanted to, but I was too scared at any opportunity. Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) I just use one. I dry my hair first, then my body. Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No, but I did see one of them from a plane when I was flying to Sara's. Who do you know that had a baby recently? My high school friend had her daughter Persephone literally a couple days ago. Cute little thing. Do you like Usher’s songs? Oh wow, what a blast from the past. I don't even recall the names of any, but I remember I enjoyed some as a kid. When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Wow, it has been YEARS. Like, not since I was a teen. Have you ever ridden a train? No. What do you eat your French fries with? Ketchup, sometimes. Do you have family problems? Not really. What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Bread, I think. How do you like your grilled cheese? Just a normal 'ole grilled cheese. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video games. Have you ever been close to drowning? Yikes, no. Have you ever had a panic attack? Countless. Do you like doing housework? No, who does? Would you ever get implants? Nah. Do you own a robe? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I don't trust people who don't eat pizza crust. What was the last song you listened to? "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance. It's making me cry, but I really need to. Have any of your family members been to jail? No. None that I know of, anyway. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? An old friend, yes. Can you remember when you first learned how to read? No. What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? My mental illnesses as a whole. Have you ever had any teeth pulled? No. Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but only because it's not realistic. I don't want to travel. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I don't care about TV 'til MM resumes, and then absolutely whenever The Edge of Sleep is released. Mark is a key actor in it. How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? I couldn’t be. What is your favorite Queen song? Ha, I'm aware this is probably everyone's answer, but "Bohemian Rhapsody" is the bop of all bops. Do you know how to use any foreign currency? No. Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? BEEN kissed, yeah. By Juan. Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? No. When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? Now. What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? It was a group date where we went to this big arcade one night. What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? None. What is the reason you’re still alive? That's a big answer that I'm not in the mood to ramble about. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah, oops. Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? No. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) HAHA this was the only lucid dream I've ever had lmfao. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? I don't remember. How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? Like shit. "Virginia's still dead" just bitchslapped me. Do you still tell your parents that you love them? Well yeah. Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes, because I really did. Have you ever been threatened before? Yes. Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yeah. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Probably. The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? Red. Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? My mom. Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? What income? Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? No. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Are your parents in good health? Not especially. They're both probably unhealthier than the average person. Dad smokes way too much to be healthy, and Mom has a plethora of issues. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No; it sounds awful, but I'm very doubtful I could be because I canNOT clean another human being. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? No. Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? They're black Pokemon pants with Pikachu jumping by the logo. Do you have any interesting pillow cases? No. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My knees. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Both, but situationally. Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? Only once for prom. They were maroon, like my dress. Wait... or maybe I didn't wear them? Fuck, idr. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American history is way more fascinating to me.

#survey #surveys #questions

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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survey from diggitydoo

Have you ever felt a baby kick? I might have when my mom was pregnant with my brother, but I don’t remember.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I’m wearing black leggings.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? My Disneyland trip back in February. It still trips me out that was this year, it feels like forever ago and SO much changed shortly after. It’s wild.

What was the scariest moment of your life? I’ve had more than one, but some were pre-surgery fears. It’s a very scary time and my mind always went to the worst places. My surgeries were long and invasive, too. During one of them my blood pressure dropped really low and my body was just in freakout mode for a few days after the surgery. Like, I had to have a few EKGs and a cardiologist check me out cause my heart rate was high (the EKGs came back fine, though, and the cardiologist couldn’t find anything wrong) and they were worried about my kidneys at one point. I think my body was just under a lot of stress from the type of surgery and the conditions beforehand (I had been sick for one, but also the prep required being totally cleaned out and I think I was dehydrated because of that).

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Pancakes or flapjacks? Aren’t they the same thing?

What kind of computer are you on? I’m on my Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? I like chow mien, egg rolls, potstickers, and crab rangoon.

What are you usually doing at midnight? Either scrolling through my social medias, reading, or watching TV.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I don’t wanna.

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? Hmm. Eyes.

What kind of shoes do you wear? Adidas.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry?I just get really frustrated and upset and I shut down and cry. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? My pain medication. And for the next 10 days this antibiotic. It’s bad because I’ve had it since yesterday for an infection I’ve had for at least two weeks that we know of and the reason why I’ve been feeling sick, but I’ve yet to take it. :X I can’t be a normal human who can take pills, I have to crush mine and I’m dreading how horrible that’s going to be. I’m used to my pain medication at this point and it’s not really that bad. But more than that, it has to be spaced apart from my pain medication because it possibly can increase the intensity of my pain med, potentially causing breathing problems, so I’m like oh yay that sounds fun. Sigh. My doctor insists it’s fine, especially with my dosage, but it was scary to find that out. It’ll most likely be fine, but I’ve gotten so paranoid about stuff in recent years that I didn’t used to be about before. I want to start feeling better, but ugh. :/ I’m gonna take the plunge in like an hour.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? I do. Not the taste, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? 5lbs? haha.

Do you take Tums? Nah, I just take Pepto. I’ve taken them in the past, but they’re chalky and disgusting and sometimes made me gag, so bleh. Apart from their intended purposes, it had been recommended to me by a doctor to take them for increasing calcium cause they have a lot of that, but yeah I didn’t do that much.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? Yes.

How about under one? No.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I think when I was like 9.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? No. It’s been a few years since I’ve felt that or had feelings for anyone in the romantic sense. What does that feel like again?

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? I think about stuff, sure.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Yeah.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Certain ASMR triggers and ocean sounds.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t even know what I want to do in life.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? Yeah.

What is your main heritage? I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know? I get kinda confused with what that is, exactly.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? Dill pickles.

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? I love a lot of different cheeses. I just love cheese.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? Nah.

How about a farm animal? Nah.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? No.

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? Nothing comes to mind. I haven’t been listening to music lately, though.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? I don’t hate to admit that I like any song I like.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Uhhhh.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? I’ve used it, but not regularly.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? A big change.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Yes.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Ha, no. No one does.

What is a good name for a turtle? *shrug*

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Nope.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? I haven’t experienced that.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? I don’t know. It’s not sloppy? lol. How many times a year do you have a family thing? We haven’t had a big family get together in years.

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I’m a very simple gal, I just liked strawberries and bananas. Unless I went to Jamba Juice where they add stuff and you can add extras like a protein or caffeine shot or something.

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Nah.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? My city is crappy.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? No.

Are you watching your weight? I need to be gaining weight, I’ve needed to for the past few years now, but I’ve been unsuccessful.

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. I used to have several close online friends back in the day. Also, I personally love our little survey community on here. We support each other in some way or another and keep up with each other’s lives through our surveys.

What makes your best friend your best friend? She’s my mom and my rock and has always been there for me. I couldn’t do it without her.

Do you have a drunk uncle? No.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? No. I usually have headphones on, though.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Uhhh. I don’t know if there is something I do like that. Not that I can think of.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? I don’t know.

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? That’s hard to say. There’s a lot of really cool tattoos.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? I’m not crafty, artistic, or creative, sadly.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat the whole thing, but of course the creme is the best part.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? They’re very intelligent and would do anything for their loved ones.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? I don’t have any friends.

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Ketchup and mustard. It’s very rare that I’m eating a hotdog at all, though. It’s been years since I’ve had one.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My dad is getting ready for work, but my mom and brother are sleeping.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? Pfffft. That’s not happening.

Look down. What do you see? My blanket I’m wrapped up in. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Politics.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? I like talking about any of my interests.

What kind of mood were you in most of today? It’s only 6:37AM.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Nooo.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Nah.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Ghosting those I was close to. :/

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? I don’t feel anything towards them anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings or anything, it’s just been almost 15 years since then and we haven’t even been in each other’s lives in a decade now and I’ve long since moved on.

How about the last person (your last ex)? I don’t have any bad feelings towards him either. I’ve moved on years ago as well.

What is the best invention ever invented? There’s been so many.

What is something that needs to be invented? I’m too tired to think of something.

What always makes you burp? It just happens.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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golbrocklovely · 4 years

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so i kinda want to vent rn and also sorta explain why i haven't posted anything in a while.

TLDR at the end. seriously, this is long lol

also trigger warning: mention of depression and being suicidal

recently, i've been feeling really unloved and unwanted, and it's just taking a lot out of me. first, there is this guy at work (which i vaguely talked about on here). he's one of my managers and he's a year older than me. i've known him for about a year and when i first met him, i was instantly into him. i even planned to ask him out, but then found out that he had a girlfriend that he's had for like almost 10 years or something. so my feelings for him have been there for a while, but they come in ebbs and flows.

this past week he has been really nice to me (i mean he always is), and it hasn't helped my feelings for him. so at one point this week, i walked by him and he gave me this look, which i know... really angelica? a look?, but YES a look. i asked him "what's the look for?" and he just replied "nothing" and for some reason it gave me major butterflies. then like two days later i was staring at something and getting frustrated, and he came over and said "what's up, beautiful?" and omg it killed me. he usually only calls me shorty bc i'm shorter than him, and he usually calls every girl that in the store bc he's a fucking giant lol but yeah.... i think i just feel bad about all of this bc i know that what he's doing is just being friendly and i'm reading it as more bc i like him and i hate it bc every time i see him... i really want to kiss him. and i know i'm just breaking my own heart bc i know he will never see me as that. and i've done this before with other guys, and i'm just really sick of feeling lonely. i'm so inexperienced in relationships and i feel kinda embarrassed about it bc i'm 25 and i should have experienced all of it when i was younger but i didn't.

and then to top all of this off, my best friend has been ignoring me for over a month. and to give you some backstory, we've been friends since we were like freshman-sophomores in hs. we've always been close. we've obviously had our problems, but we've worked thru them... or at least, i thought we did.

so finally, i just decided to text her and ask if i did something wrong and if that's why she's ignoring me. before that, the reason she wasn't talking to me was bc she was sick, so i get not responding to me. also, i know we are both adults with jobs, so talking to each other everyday is just not possible. she's stuck at home working (which i know she hates bc her family is a lot to deal with, especially her dad) and i have to go out into public on an almost daily basis for my retail job. we've never been the type of friends to call or text each other everyday. and as much as i love her, i can't talk to her everyday. i like having my alone time, and she does too.

she finally responded to me and said that 'you text me at my most stressful times' and i basically replied with 'sorry to hear that. i just want to make sure that you're okay, that our friendship is okay'. then she texted me saying 'idk !!! i'm stressed with work and idk where we stand anymore'.

this was extremely confusing to me, bc i didn't think there was any problems with us. sure, we haven't talked as much as before. but firstly, we've never been constant texters and whatnot. also bc of corona, i think we just drifted apart bc it's hard to communicate or even want to communicate. this year is so fucking stressful, i just took the lack of us talking with a grain of salt. also, when quarantine started, me and her talked a bunch. she even asked to call me (which we never really do unless we have a lot that we need to say) and we talked for like 3 hours and it was great. so for her to say this was weird.

i'll sum up the rest of the conversation bc otherwise this post will be 20 pages long. she ended up saying that we've haven't acted like best friends since hs and that we've grown apart and are on different paths in life. i said i don't agree with that and that the distance only started with the pandemic, and that i was hurt by her words bc all of this felt out of place. i then said i still wanted to be her friend bc her friendship means so much to me.

she then replied that she didn't agree bc when were in college i stopped talking to her for a while and then randomly wanted to be her best friend again. she feels as if our friendship has always been about me and one-sided and that she doesn't want that anymore.

this was a problem that i thought we resolved. back when we were juniors in college, i stopped talking to her for a couple months. the reason for that was bc my dad had just gotten over being sick the previous year with cancer, and then my mom had almost died from a heart attack. all of that, combined with my lack of self-esteem and my depression that i had been ignoring for years, i was on the brink of killing myself. i didn't tell her any of this at the time bc i didn't want to tell anyone. i spoke very little of this to anyone, even partially to this day. i kept a lot of it in bc i didn't want her to worry about me, bc she seemed to be having such a good time at college and i didn't want to be the rain on a sunny day.

back then, when we discussed all of this, she told me that it felt like our friendship had become a convenience for me. while i disagreed, i understood that that was how i made her feel and i apologized for it back then.

the thing about my best friend that i've always hated was she takes things i said from years ago that upset her, and waits to say that they did. she has taken things from three years prior and brought them up bc now she feels like it's an okay time to say it. since we've had this conversation about the convenience, i've walked on eggshells around her bc i know certain things would upset her and i don't want to do that, plus i don't want to upset her and be told about it years later and have to apologize for my previous self.

also, as someone who has gone thru a fuckton of shit in life, i realize a lot of things that have pissed me off about her are stupid and not worth it to really hold in and argue over. i let things go as best as i can, but she doesn't. there are many things that have upset me that she has said or done, but i never told her bc i was scared to lose her friendship and on top of it, they weren’t majorly important

the last two messages i sent to her were this: i stopped talking to you at the time bc my parents were sick and i was suicidal. i didn't talk to you bc i didn't want you to worry about me. i know way before that i wasn't a good communicator in our friendship and i'm sorry about that. but if you have been feeling this way, why didn't you say something about it before? // i'm sorry that i've made you feel like this wasn't/hasn't been a mutual friendship. i've never wanted it all to be about me.

that was last night i sent those. she hasn't responded. i'm gonna give her some time, maybe a couple of days or a week. i want to meet face-to-face and talk this out. i've always felt like we haven't been 100% honest with each other, and i always knew we would have to talk about it at some point, but for her to just so easily trash a 10 year friendship after all of the shit we have gone thru... i'm gutted. i'm extremely heartbroken. i never thought in a million years this would happen. i thought she was gonna be my best friend for life...

so that's why i haven't updated any stories or requests. i've just been in a terrible headspace and kinda at my wits end. yall are really sweet tho, so thank you for not asking why i'm taking forever. i just figured i'd give you an explanation and vent at the same time.

TLDR: i haven't updated any stories bc i have a crush on a guy i shouldn't and my best friend of 10 years has decided to not be my friend anymore instead of working things out. i feel very unloved and unwanted.

#personal #text

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bcdrawsandwrites · 4 years

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Here’s my next entry for @badthingshappenbingo! Just one prompt left after this!

I AM NO LONGER ACCEPTING PROMPTS! The single-bone marks on the card indicate which prompts I have received and am going to write, and I finally have prompts that will earn me a bingo once they’ve been posted (but they’re not posted yet)!

This fic has also been posted to FFN and AO3, so you can check it out on my Assortment of Broken Bones collection on there if you like!

This prompt was suggested by @actingwithportals! I went with a slightly different interpretation, since I don’t really want to hurt Miguel. XD; Hope you enjoy!

Prompt: Outnumbered in a Fight Characters: Miguel, Abel, Abuelita (post-movie, pre-epilogue)

---~~~---

"Abel?"

Miguel's cousin looked up from his textbook—he was studying for a big test, and Miguel hated to bother him, but he was pretty sure this was going to drive him crazy if he didn't ask for help. "Um... could you... help me with a computer thing?"

Abel made a face, tossing his textbook across the table. "Sure. Can't be worse than studying for history, I guess."

Grinning, Miguel hurried off to the living room where an old computer sat in the corner, a pair of more modern headphones hooked up to it. The latter was a very recent addition, purchased shortly after the music ban was lifted. Before then, their computer had no sound at all—the speakers had immediately been tossed as soon as they'd acquired it. Now that it was equipped with headphones, many of the Riveras had been taking advantage of it... which was the problem.

"Look at this," Miguel said, waving a hand at the monitor as he scrolled through Youtube.

Abel squinted at the monitor. "Okay... What am I looking at?"

"Look, it's all history videos... I think those are from Papá, and... and a few music things I like, but there's also..." Miguel made a face. "Makeup tutorials." He scrolled past several recommendations with particularly atrocious thumbnails—clearly things recommended to their Tía Gloria.

"Huh. So...?"

"Could you... show me how to sign up? So it can recommend me the things I want? I think I'm gonna go crazy if I have to see another makeup tutorial."

"That's all?" Laughing, Abel gently shoved Miguel away from the computer and took a seat. "Sure, if that's what you want. But uh..." He glanced around the family room—no one else was there at the moment. "Don't let anyone know I did this for you, all right? You're kinda slightly too young to sign up."

"Pff, just by a month," Miguel argued.

With that settled, he watched as Abel guided him through making an email address (Miguel chose the name "GuitarraYZapatos05"), and, through there, set him up with an account. "And... there," Abel said, slipping off the stool. "You're all done. Just log off whenever you're done."

"¡Gracias!" Miguel slid back onto the stool, and Abel left him to browse the site.

Eagerly he put the headphones on and typed a song into the search bar—he'd known how to navigate the website for some time now, even before the ban had lifted, thanks to his friends showing him videos on occasion when he visited their houses. It was a lot nicer to be able to do it whenever he wanted—looking up songs he'd heard in the plaza and watching videos of people playing them. It was a great way to learn to play the songs, since he'd taught himself to do it by sight. Not to mention, he was discovering a lot of new songs this way (though he sheepishly had to skip over songs every so often—ones he was pretty sure if Abuelita ever heard the lyrics to, she would re-ban music... or at least computers, anyway).

For a good hour or so Miguel listened to different songs, at first paying attention to the videos, and then simply losing himself to the music, shutting his eyes and letting the next videos autoplay. This worked out fine for a while, but then...

"What color is the sky, ay mi amor, ay mi amor!"

Miguel jumped back, nearly tipping backwards off his stool, headphones going askew as his heart hammered in his chest. Even then, he could still hear the familiar voice, and the face on the screen was...

It was a friendly looking face, singing on a stage in front of many adoring fans. Occasionally the man would stoop down to sing a particular line to a girl in the audience, who would swoon over him as he winked. But the last time Miguel saw that face, saw that person, he hadn't looked nearly so friendly.

You're not going anywhere!

He could still feel himself held up by the front of his shirt, yanked closer as the eyes of the man—the one who had once been his hero—glared poison into him.

I am the one who is willing to do what it takes to seize my moment... whatever it takes.

"The loco that you make me, it is just un poco crazy!"

The fact that both the terrifying skeleton in his memory and the friendly-looking man in the video were the same person made Miguel feel sick, panicked, and very, very angry. Frantically he clicked several times on the screen to get the video to pause, and scrolled away so he didn't have to look at the man's face anymore. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, shuddering, wishing he could make the memory go away. If anyone deserved to be forgotten, it was Ernesto de la Cruz.

Once the panicked pounding of his heart finally calmed, he looked back at the screen. At first he'd thought that he should sign off for now—that was certainly enough videos for the day, and he felt like playing the real versions of his Papá Héctor's songs so he could get Ernesto's voice out of his head. But then something caught his eye, something he hadn't been paying attention to until now:

OMG, I love Ernesto! he's so flirty here lol

73 people got a bell dropped on their head

this is my favorite DLC song! he has so many good ones though, what a legend

I still have this one on a record. Ernesto himself signed the sleeve! It's my prized possession.

Comments—hundreds of comments, nearly all of them praising Ernesto for his looks, for what a great person he was, for "his" songwriting talent. Miguel felt his face flush in anger as he read more and more of them, all of these people who thought that Ernesto was the songwriting genius, and not his Papá Héctor...!

A part of him recalled that it had only been a month since Dia de Muertos, and the word hadn't gotten out to everyone yet, but it didn't make him feel any less angry. Seeing all of these people praise the man who had killed his great-great-grandfather and then tried to kill him not once, but twice was unbearable.

Unable to stand all the positive comments directed at this man, Miguel quickly found where he could leave a comment of his own, and began typing (a slow process with one finger—he hadn't learned to type properly yet):

Ernesto is the worst musician!! He stole all his songs! Theyre not his! Hes not a real musician!!!

Still fuming, he hit the reply button, and sat back on his stool. One comment probably wouldn't do a whole lot against the hundreds of people fawning over Ernesto here, but he'd thought it might make him feel better to say something.

A notification popped up at the bottom of his screen—someone had... replied to his comment?

Lol, what? Chill out. I'm sorry you don't like the greatest musician of all time.

What? No, that wasn't...! Frustrated, Miguel typed up another reply: Hes not!!! Hes a fraud!!! Hes not a real musician at all!

To his surprise, even more comments came in, this time from several people within moments of each other:

sure, Ernesto is a fraud, just like Elvis, right?

you!!! need to use more!!!! exclamation points!!!!!!

lmfao did you create this account just to troll a DLC video uploaded 7 years ago?

Great, now everyone was making fun of him... but it wasn't funny—Ernesto really did steal all of his songs, and... He shook his head—this wasn't fair. He typed up another reply to the thread (making sure to use fewer exclamation points, if they were going to make fun of him for it): Im telling the truth! He stole all his music from my greatgreat grandpa. He wrote all the songs Ernesto sang including this one.

OMG. OMGGGGG.

no actually dcl is my great great uncle and he told me hmself he wrote all these songs and that if I ever met youtube user ""guitarrayzapatos05" i should tell him that he screwed ur mom

Guys I think this is a kid......

Geez I always hear people say they're related to DLC (wouldn't be surprised, the man supposedly slept around like a rabbit) but this is the first I've heard someone say he stole from their relative. We've got a new nutjob conspiracy theory, fellas.

Adsfjsdflasjfsda;lfjlsajslfdjlds;adj

Miguel wasn't entirely sure what some of this stuff meant, but he did know all these people were mocking him, and with every new reply he felt the anger build in his chest, though his cheeks also felt hot with embarrassment—why was everyone ganging up on him like this? Your all making fun of me! But Im telling the truth!! Ernesto is a bad person and a bad musician! He really did steal from my greatgerat Grandpa!!

He stole from my greatgerat Grandpa too.

Lol how long do you plan to keep this up kid?

Listen, if DLC really did steal his music, we would have heard about it by now. He died almost a century ago. You don't think people haven't looked into this?

he ded 75 years ago moron

omg do u ever shut up

At least one person was being civil with him, but even then they were wrong. Still, Miguel had no idea what to say—his family was still fighting to get this case to the news, but with Mamá Coco having recently passed and his baby sister nearly here, they hadn't had a lot of time to work on it. But maybe he could bring something else up. He typed as fast as he could, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes:

I know he stole it! I found out when I went to the Land of the Dea—

The screen went dark.

Miguel sat there for a moment, stunned, before he heard a slobbery chomping noise coming from beneath the desk. Looking down, he spotted a familiar tail poking out near his stool. "Dante!" he cried, hopping down to yank the dog away.

As he suspected, the power cord was in the dog's mouth, and he was chewing on it lazily.

He was normally used to Dante getting in the way of things, but he felt angrier than normal at the dog. "No! No! Bad dog!" he cried, and swatted Dante on the nose.

The dog whined, immediately dropping the cord and squirming away from Miguel's grasp.

"S-stupid dog, wha'd you do that for? I was just trying to tell them about—!"

"What's going on in here?"

Both Miguel and Dante turned around to see Abuelita hurrying into the room. "I-it's nothing, Abuelita," Miguel said, and frantically wiped at his face.

Abuelita crossed her arms, looking from Miguel, to Dante, to the computer. "Nothing, huh! Is that computer box giving you trouble?"

"I—no, it's... it's not that..." He winced as Dante licked at his face and pushed him away.

"Don't give me that. It must be something, if it's got you so upset."

Abel's voice came from the hallway: "Ummm... did something happen?" Stepping into the room, he blinked at the monitor. "Huh, why's it—WOAH!" Quickly he got down on his hands and knees, grabbing the partially-chewed power cord and plugging it back in. Hitting the "on" button on the machine, he heaved a sigh of relief when the computer began to boot up again. "Geez, I thought you'd broken it."

"Oh, is that all?" Abuelita chuckled. "See, it's fine, mijo."

Dante looked up at the computer and barked at it, and Miguel frowned, using the stool to push himself back up to his feet. He rubbed the heel of his hand into his eyes. "Yeah, I... guess."

"Wait... what did you do on there?" Abel asked, suddenly worried. He quickly glanced from Abuelita and back to Miguel, biting his lip.

Sighing, Miguel, wrapped his arms around himself. "I just... saw some dumb people talking... about de la Cruz," he mumbled.

"Ugh, that man?" Abuelita said, shaking her head. Miguel wondered if she realized she said it in the exact same way she used to refer to Papá Héctor.

"People talking about... oooh, you read the comments, didn't you?" Abel asked, and laughed. "Never read the comments, Miguel!"

Feeling his chest constrict, Miguel balled his hands into fists and held them at his side, glaring at his primo. "It's not that! They were—they were talking about how great de la Cruz was, and—and when I told them he wasn't great, he was a thief, they... they just made fun of me!"

"¡¿Qué?!" Abuelita shouted, then shot an accusatory glare at the monitor. "I will not have people mocking my grandson! Where are they?"

"No, no, Abuelita, it's not like that." For a moment it looked like Abel would laugh again, but he saw how serious Miguel was about this, and frowned. "Well... they don't know yet, Miguel."

"But I tried to tell them!" Miguel swung out his hands, and Dante whimpered, butting his head against Miguel's leg. "I—I tried to tell them that they were wrong, but they just... kept making fun of me. And there were so many of them! I just..." Finally he brought his arms down, grasping his right wrist in his left hand and staring down at the floor. "I just felt like I was all alone."

Feeling his Abuelita's arm wrap around his shoulders, Miguel looked up to see her looking at him seriously. "You're not alone, mijo," she said. "Every single one of us here in this family are standing right behind you. We know the truth about Papá Héctor and that man now, and we won't stop fighting until the whole world knows."

"Y... you mean it?" he asked, hope creeping into his heart again.

"Absolutely. He is family, and we won't give up on him."

A huge smile spread across his face as he wrapped both arms around his abuelita, hugging her. "Gracias, Abuelita."

Laughing, Abuelita returned his hug with a bone-crushing one of her own, squeezing around his back until he was left gasping for air. "Now go have fun, mijo, and don't worry about what the people on that computer box say. They'll understand soon enough!" With that, she happily walked back toward the kitchen to start on dinner, leaving Miguel and his cousin alone.

Abel shifted on his feet, glancing from the computer to Miguel before giving an awkward laugh. "I, uh... know we went through the trouble of setting up a Youtube account for you, but uh... maybe you should stick to Spotify."

#miguel rivera #elena rivera #dante #coco #pixar coco #coco spoilers #rivera family #my writing #fanfic #bad things happen bingo #just ONE FIC LEFT after this #and then I will FINALLY BE DONE after like ... a year and a half of working on this challenge

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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698

3 words that describe...

Your personality: (A bit) aloof, sensitive, and shy.

Your friends: Loud, laidback, cheeky.

Your family: Emotionally distant, (mostly) religious. I’m cheating so much on this looooool.

Your life: Right now? Put on hold. Thanks, coronavirus.

Your current mood: Hungry, and irritated eyes.

Your dreams/goals in life: Ok three words will be too short for this so I’ll just enumerate three whole phrases: I’d like to have a job that pays well, get a house that doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to come with features I’ve always wanted like cove lights and a yard for the kids and dog to play in, and get settled.

Your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend (if you have one): Funny, intelligent, courageous.

The person you last talked to: Brave, considerate, responsible.

The room that you are currently in: Comfortable, well-lit, homey.

The world in your perspective: Many stupid humans.

Yes/No questions...

Are you creative? Absolutely not. I like doing the logical/rational side of things... I let others take care of creative aspects, if they have to be present.

Do you like spending a sunny day outdoors? NO, unless I’m at the beach then sunny is the only way to go. Otherwise I’d rather be indoors or somewhere air-conditioned thx.

Do you get upset easily or over the littlest things? I can be. It’s usually when I’m already stressed/antsy enough, or if I’m on my period.

Do you dislike any of the people in charge of you (i.e: teachers, bosses)? I don’t particularly dislike my prof in my Rizal course but he sure teaches like he doesn’t want to be there. I just haven’t been getting the enthusiasm off of him, and that’s really important to me when it comes to being interested in my subjects. Oh but my PE coach this sem is a bitch - one time I forgot to wear the shirt color she demands us to follow and she ignored me for the entire period. Quickest way to make me feel shitty. So yeah. Probably her.

Do you like to read books/magazines/newspapers? I like books only if they’re non-fiction. I...don’t really read magazines anymore, and I kinda have to check into newspapers from time to time because I take up journalism.

Are you family-oriented? Towards my girlfriend’s family, yeah. I don’t really care about being family-oriented for my own.

Have you ever been friends with someone in the past out of sympathy? Yeah, this girl named MJ in Grade 7. She was a new-ish student then and no one was approaching her, so Gab and I tried to befriend her for a time. Didn’t really pan out that well - we just didn’t mesh - so we stopped talking not long after.

Do/did you ever get nervous around people you are/were crushing on? I still do.

Do you believe in global warming? Duh.

Are you happy with the way society/the world in general is? I’m typically pessimistic when it comes to people, so no not really. I just feel like the bad news always overweigh the good these days - and while good news can serve as rays of sunshine sometimes, I’d rather face reality than live in my own bubble and choose to be oblivious to all the shitstorms happening around me.

Do you ever question your own religion/beliefs? I did, as early as when I was 10. The Bible just didn’t make sense to me to my frustration, and I’ve always felt disgusted with my school guilt-tripping us to be good people because a man got crowned with thorns and nailed to a giant cross. I figured I can be good simply because I choose to, so I let go of my Catholic roots quickly after. Having no friends that time surely forced me to think hahahahahahaha jk 1/2

This/That...

Do you prefer today's trends/styles, or ones from the past? Both have awesome stuff, there’s no need to pick. I’m really into the mom jeans of the 90s, but I also like the yellow trend that’s been going on recently.

Being too cold or too hot? I’d rather be shivering but be comforted with a thick blanket, than sweat bullets and have absolutely no way to cool myself down.

Uploading music to your iPod, or buying CDs? Depends. I used to buy the CDs of my favorite artists then just download the other music I’m not as passionate about.

Fruits or vegitables? VEGETABLESSSSSSSSSSSS. I hate fruits.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, for the most part. Vanilla tastes like nothing to me. Baseball or football? I don’t watch either and I probably won’t enjoy either either lmao, but I have a bias towards football because my girlfriend’s sisters play the sport. The mall with a bunch of little stores, or one single, big store? Malls kinda work differently here... they’re all one big building with a bunch of restaurants, clothing shops, sports shops, novelty stores, etc. Rap music or rock and roll? Not a big fan of either but I’d go with rock and roll I guess. I like some rap but none of them make me feel things, which rock can sometimes do for me. Roller skates or roller blades? I owned a pair of roller blades when I was 10 and had fun memories with it even though I never did learn how to do it properly. Horror movies that give you nightmares, or romance that makes you vomit? Horror for sure. I don’t even like romance-only movies; they have to be laced with a lot of comedy in between for me to enjoy them. Making more friends or making more money? Making more money sorry LMAOOOOOO Living it up and being stupid, or being safe and never pay the price? I’d always rather be safe. I hate getting reprimanded or caught doing something bad or being punished. Doing more of the talking, or more of the listening in a conversation? Listening, please. I don’t like having the attention on me for too long. Giving or receiving? Giving I guess? I always have a pretty good sense of what my loved ones need, and it’s always nice to see how good they feel when I give it to them. Cats or dogs? Dogs. Playing on the swingsets or the slides (as a kid)? Swings. I was traumatized by one slide when I was 6 because it was apparently blistering hot when I slid down from it, and it almost burned my butt off lmao.

Would you rather...

Bolding these because I’m lazy.

Live off of just food for 2 days, or just beverage for 2 days?

Tell a lie and be believable, or tell the truth and still be blamed?

Die at 65 with the love of your life, or live to 85 being single?

Fart and be heard from far away or fart and be smelled from far away?

Be tickled for an hour straight or be woken up by a bucket of cold water?

Have a cabel snap while bunjee jumping or have the bar go up on a coaster?

Have a deadly plague or a nuclear bomb hit your country? (Don't get ideas!) < This is a sick question to ask these days lol. I’m not answering.

Lick a frozen telephone pole or stick your hand in dry ice? Be rejected by your favorite celebrity or by someone you secretly admire? Give up your favorite food for eternity or eat a bowl of dead spiders? Make a lot of money at a job you hate or little money at a job you love? Jump off a bridge or from a moving car? < Another sick question.

Favorites...

Color(s): Pink, sky blue, off-white.

Song(s): I don’t have one at the moment. I haven’t listened to any music in a while, save for lo-fi.

Artist(s): Beyoncé if we’re talking solo, Paramore if you mean bands.

Music genre: I don’t have a favorite one; my taste is pretty scattered.

Movie: Two for the Road or Good Will Hunting

TV show: Breaking Bad, Friends, BoJack Horseman, Queer Eye

Actor and actress: Gregory Peck; Audrey Hepburn or Kristen Stewart

Movie/TV genre: Romantic comedy or drama lmao, I’m a sappy bitch. Suspense and psychological horror are also cool.

Restarant: Yabu, Mendokoro Ramenba, or Silantro

Food: Sushi

Dessert: Macarons

Hobby: Going to museums! Or reading about the history of anything.

Activity to do out of boredom: Scroll my social media feeds orrrrrr do surveys, or watch cooking videos on YouTube heh.

Type of weather: Bleak, rainy, and chilly.

Book: I don’t have a favorite.

Subject in school: History

Item that you own: My car hahahaha

Pastime: Eating out and window shopping. Maybe I’m just saying these because I haven’t been to a mall in a while :/

Site: Palawan

Tourist attraction: I’ve always wanted to go to those towers that lets you go to the top floor and the floor is just literal glass. If I’m gonna be a tourist-y tourist, that’s the first place I’d go to haha.

Random questions in your own words...

If you could have any desired superpower, what would it be?

The history nerd in me would take up time travel in an instant. And I won’t even be using it as a superpower lmao, it’d be like a research pastime for me.

What would be your dream job?

If I wasn’t such an introvert and if I were a lot better in handling crowds, I really would have wanted to be a pro wrestler.

Descibe your dream date:

Museum in the day, cute dinner at night.

What was the best day of your life like?

I don’t know if that has happened yet.

What was the worst day of your life like?

So far my worst day was when I wasn’t accepted into my school paper in high school and I spent like 18 hours crying my eyes out. I liked writing and was accepted for my portfolio, but people thought I was too shy to fit the group’s dynamic and ended up getting booted. There are quiet writers too, assholes.

If you ever have kids one day, what you you name them?

Too early for this lol I’ve only had name picked out - Olivia.

What's one thing that will bring you out of your worst mood no matter what?

My dog. FOR SURE.

Who's the most annoying person you've ever encountered?

Jem, someone from my college who thinks she’s close with me but I really do not like her at all.

If you could grow up to be like anybody, who would it be?

I don’t believe in having role models. I just want to be the best version of myself.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

My mental health could be mental healthier.

What's your favorite inspirational/famous quote? I don’t depend on these either. Describe your dream ice cream sundae (unlimited toppings): Meh, I don’t like sundaes. Just scoops would be fine with me. What comes to mind first when you think of your favorite color? I have no idea why this is what I remember, but it was the day I went shopping for school supplies and got myself a pink clipboard, pink pencil case, pink expander, and pink highlighters. I think it’s because it was that day where I had to acknowledge that pink was in fact, unironically, my favorite color HAHAHA What's something in your life that you once hated but came to like? ^ The color pink. And chicken curry. What's something in your life that you once liked but came to hate? Cooked salmon. There was one phase my mom made it almost everyday and I just got sick of it. I refuse to eat salmon to this day unless it’s sashimi or in sushi. If you could stop any chaos/problem in our world today, what would it be? This fucking pandemic. 2020 CAN’T CONTINUE BECAUSE OF YOU. What would be the best way to die, in your opinion? Peacefully, in sleep, with no pain. What would be the worst way to die? Falling off a cliff (or anywhere high) and landing on a boulder EUGH I cringe at it. Also getting impaled. AND plane crashes. If you could give your room a free makeover, what would you do to it? I’d make it look spacier by moving the bed to the wall so there’s a lot of free space in the middle. I’d also add a desk, work chair, and a lamp so I can study there. If you could have an unlimited amount of anything, what would it be? The number of years my dog would live. What's one thing that you like that would probably surprise your friends? They know I like punk rock in general but I haven’t shared any of the music with them. It would definitely surprise them. Out of everything in the world, what holds the most meaning to you? Stability.

#survey #surveys

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 4 years

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Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works 1 - 25 (FINAL) | Waver OVA

Much like the Fate/Zero post, this is mostly a set of notes which has already been released and is preserved here because of the difference editing makes. There was one completely insensitive, uninformed note and a note which I was writing down to be “more in character” which I’ve removed in all instances of the notes, though - it’s better you not know what was being said there.

F/SN UBW 1 (Prologue)

Now that’s the Rin I know from fandom whispers.

Turns out this is ep. 0 and there’s actually 12 eps…

This brunette reminds me of Maiya.

This wavy haired guy’s a Matou? Geesh, he somehow reminds me of the Great B*stard Archer.

Miss Fujimura’s a bit of a non-sequitur…

If I remember the fan whispers right, his name is Issei Hyoudou…? (Or is that the High School DxD guy?) Update: Issei Hyoudou is the High School DxD guy, this is Issei Ryuudou.

If people die when they are killed, then machines should, too.

I already know from checking up previous info that UBW is for the 5th Holy Grail War and Shiro Emiya is part of it.

The button says “voicemail”…well, it’s actually rusu, where rusuban denwa = answering machine (denwa = phone, so rusu means something like “protecting the house (while you’re gone)”). The best way to translate it would be “voicemail” though.

Fuyuki Church (Kyoukai)? Rin has them on her voicemail???

I seem to remembr reading that this white-haired character is an alternate universe Shiro Emiya…but I guess we’ll find out later, huh?

Hmm…I’ve seen this Command Seal before. I think it might be Dewbond’s profile pic, in fact…which tells me that he likes Rin.

The compulsion the guy is talking about reminds me of Steph from NGNL and how she was forced to fall in love with Sora.

Rin’s treating this like a gacha game…LOL.

Pride vs. pride, huh? Anyways, I think the really entertaining thing of putting me under the pump like this is that I have such an incomplete understanding of how the Fate/ universe works that the outcomes of everything create enough entertainment for those who’ve committed to said universe. The things that I do know might be really late-game though – such as the white-haired Servant being an alternate Shiro – so I have my own surprises to confirm.

“The Archer class really is made up of archers!” - …and people die if they are killed, y’know? (<- I know this from the memes. I won’t cover Deen/Stay Night, people don’t normally recommend it.)

Why is a cup omnipotent, anyway? Cups don’t have the ability to have knowledge. By the way, I bet Rin’s acquaintance will have something to do with this.

Rin’s Holy Grail War work reminds me of my own experience with piano. Basically, I grew up doing it, so I never questioned it until I thought about what I really wanted to do. I expect Rin will be the same way.

Hmm…Sakura and…the Great B*stard?

Rin says all of this about “crude garbage”, so all I can focus on is the bin off to the side…LOL.

Oooooooh…so this appearance of Sakura is why people put F/Z before this.

Saber…the reason she’s so popular is because she appears in so many incarnations of Fate/ that she’s basically become a poster girl for it.

F/SN UBW 2

There’s something that pisses me off about Sakura. It’s probably because she’s fairly submissive, like a girl who was written to be a guy’s fantasy.

The OP and ED was subbed the first time, so the fact this isn’t is interesting.

I think I’ve seen these scenes before…probably because they look exactly like the setup for Today’s Menu for Emiya Family.

Hypoxia.

Sakura’s boobs jiggled…urgh…

This episode feels a lot more like a VN intro.

Some of these scenes were from a different perspective in the prologue, so I’ll try to skip them.

Stove = heater, if you didn’t catch on.

Oh hey, Emiya isn’t part of the archery club anymore…but there’s some evidence that an alternate Emiya became that Archer Rin has.

That’s Ilya, isn’t it…?

Emiya’s magic incompetence reminds me of Waver.

Shinji is Sakura’s older bro??? I never heard of this…? Step-bro, maybe?

I read one of the labels on the machine – makanai setto – and turns out it’s a [meal] set for staff (teachers).

This series’s messages are like anvils…even more so than F/Z.

Where does Emiya work…? (For some reason, I call Kiritsugu that but Shirou “Emiya”.)

Archer’s not in white…not that much, anyway.

“…I really nearly was killed.” – Yes, and people die when they are killed, Emiya. You said so yourself in Deen/Stay Night.

I know this iconic scene where Emiya stares at Saber! I’ve seen it in all the screenshots and everything.

F/SN UBW 3

The blindfolded woman in the OP is apparently Medea. I think I mentioned her offhandedly in one of the WP posts I did, so I didn’t expect to see her so soon.

Most of this ep is explaining this stuff to beginners. I can skip that.

I don’t get the appeal of Rin, but then again, I’m neutral at best on tsunderes.

Shoten Books? Like, Bookseller Books? How redundant…

“[G]enuine fake priest” - …LOL wut?

Why is Kirei giving me Equilibrium vibes…? Oh, it’s because he has silly hair that reminds me of Christian Bale. That’s why.

Most of this episode was recap from F/Z, so I skipped it.

F/SN UBW 4

I’m laughing – this new Berserker reminds me of Tsukasa (Dr Stone).

Ah, same old Gilgamesh. He’s just in different clothes.

Kiritsugu felt like he actually was a character. Emiya? Just a blank slate, really.

Welp, that was over fast…

F/SN UBW 5

I’m getting sick of Rin’s tsundereness, fast.

Okay, crash course in types of Servants. I needed this.

*Saber reveals the outfit is from Rin* - Ooh, Shiro, don’t go judgin’ Rin like that…

Oh-hoh, Sakura does archery, huh?

I bet Kuzuki actually is a mage. That’s how these things always turn out, no?

Actually, I think Emiya might be a better match for my piano experience. There’s this one person who played at a higher level of piano than I did, but they kept telling me that I was way better than them at piano (although I don’t know if that was self-deprecation and/or inflating my ego). As I mentioned in my relation to Rin, I forcibly cut it out of my life because my parents chose it for me – in short, no desire to hit the target, in one way of speaking.

I can see why Fate/ needed a cooking spinoff now…LOL.

Shinto = New City, with a particular combo of kanji.

Are these Touken Ranbu enemies, Rin…? (They’re called Historical Revisionists, technically, and I specifically refer to enemy wakizashi.)

I seem to remember from somewhere Sakura is Caster’s master…hmm. Another thing to confirm.

F/SN UBW 6

That Rin reaction face! I’ve seen it before!

LOL, that “I haven’t been sleeping lately” is relatable.

Medea is one of the only Servants that was originally a woman, so…it’s interesting to see she’s been given a chain as a method to keep up (but also vaguely annoying to see her have such a short skirt). A chain weapon seems to be the sort of weapon for an agile user, with possible sexual overtones (if you want to interpret it that way), so it seems like it came straight from a male fantasy of a woman.

Rin is the sort that places a lot of stock into obligations, I see.

F/SN UBW 7

I learnt how to read the word “mirage” in Japanese somewhat recently (in comparison to the basics, which I learnt through a CD-ROM maybe…15 or so years ago?). It’s shinkirou.

I find it interesting that these eps. are marked as Fate/Stay Night and the series is Fate/Stay Night UBW, because Deen/Stay Night (as I’ve been referring to the Deen version of F/SN) looks pretty different to Ufotable’s F/SN, judging by that “People die when they are killed” meme.

The subbers spelt “specialty” wrong…

Well, Emiya, being in a room with a girl…alone…you really are a typical VN lead, aren’t you?

LOL! I knew Kojiro was also part of this series and I think I knew he was an Assassin, but s***! He’s an absolute looker!

…and *sigh* Caster is using her sensuality against men. A regular Fujiko Mine, she is.

I think my heart did something when Archer gave that intense stare at Caster, too. This is no time for a reverse harem!

F/SN UBW 8

Ahh! Kojiro Sasaki’s (this Assassin’s) so hot! I love it!

The only person who can beat Saber is another swordsperson, huh? Logic checks out.

That blue ring looks like the one at the start of Shinchou Yuusha’s OP.

F/SN UBW 9

I thought Shinji was gonna barf, but that was actually laughing…that’s what happens when you don’t have the volume on.

This replacement Gilgamesh (Shinji) sucks…

Just squinting at Caster’s chest…boobs do not work that way, people. Fabric goes over things like that, it doesn’t tuck itself so neatly around them.

I think Rin’s a real idiot for ignoring that Shinji is a Master and a mage…

I almost thought Shiro was gonna kiss Sakura for a second there. Apparently you should approach an unconscious person from behind and tap them on the shoulder (as opposed to going from the front to listen for breath), in case they try to punch your lights out.

Watching Eizouken, which doesn’t have girly runs for the girls, and then watching this makes you aware even Rin is capable of girly running…(LOL?)

Gee whiz, I was so sure this purple lady with the whip was Medea and a Caster-class Servant. So she’s a Rider??? Update: So it was Caster, masquerading as Rider…is that how it goes…?

So is this a locked-room – or locked-school – mystery…?

F/SN UBW 10

This is basically “You wanna go?” from Saber.

Considering the coronavirus, these words (about people getting out of the attack completely healthy) seem sort of weird…

Samosan? Seppa seppa? What dialect is this???

*Emiya asks Issei to strip* - Ooh…this is why Fate is popular with women…*thinks of the fact this was a male-oriented VN first* Maybe.

I still think the Great B*stard kinda looks like Kyo from Fruits Basket (…not that I ever mentioned it earlier).

I just realised Taiga’s shirt is striped orange/black…like a tiger.

The amount of still frames in this episode, in comparison to the usual number, is significantly higher.

F/SN UBW 11

I just realised Kinoko Nasu means “mushroom” and “eggplant” if not exactly written the way it is…what a name…

*something about being useful to others* - U-Uwaaaaah…Emiya! Stop reminding me of all the things I’ve done at the cost of myself!

Hmm? I googled Rin’s birthday and I thought she was a Leo – she’s an Aquarius (Feb. 3rd).

Rin absolutely steamrolled Emiya, LOL.

I get the feeling Archer is saying “Only you can save yourself”.

F/SN UBW 12

Randomly, there is a Volkswagen.

*something about Emiya photosynsthesising* - Rin, that’s not how people work…

Batting centre? How can girls go there in skirts without flashing anyone? That’s taking into consideration how short Rin’s skirt is, y’know…(Practicality comes first at all times, people…well, not for Saber, who’s wearing stockings, but I worry about Rin, as you can see.)

People find blushing tsunderes cute…I kinda get it for male tsunderes, but for Rin…not really.

Ack! Another double episode!

Why does this ominous vibe on a bus remind me of Harry Potter…? (Then again, the first things I remember of the movies were a shrunken head and a bus that could squeeze through gaps, which might explain things.)

Hmm? So what is Kuzuki’s place in Caster’s life, huh? Who’s controlling the puppet?

Come to think of it, who is Assassin’s real Master? If Caster has control of him, that means he belonged to someone else before that, right?

I feel sorry for Assassin. I mean, he has to keep talking to Caster with his body torn open like that…

“Princess of Colchis” – So Caster is Medea! Maybe Scott (who said I was wrong about that) was thinking I was referring to Rider. Rider and Caster do look awfully similar…but wait, so what was the real identity of Rider, then? Update: Reading over the notes, I was mistakenly referring to Rider as Caster, hence the comment.

Wolverine!Kirei strikes again, it seems.

Lel, I forgot about Lancer…and Berserker, now that I think of it.

F/SN UBW 13

So this is Brave Shine, huh? It doesn’t sound familiar at all…

…aaaaaaaaand of course Saber is in a fancy white dress. It’ll sell a lot of figures – in fact, I think I’ve actually seen Saber figures with that outfit while browsing for Nendoroids and other merch as of late.

F/SN UBW 14

Well, this blonde guy’s hair is nice…but he’s basically Shou Tucker all over again. (I haven’t even completed Fullmetal Alchemist in any form – I just know what the guy did because the fans talk about it a lot.)

Gosh, evil begets nothing but more evil, huh? (re: Kirei and blondie here)

I gotta facepalm - this blonde dude really shouldn’t have maltreated Medea. She has a reputation for a reason.

It took me a few tries and the brightening of my screen to figure it out, but Caster spotted Kuzuki.

Gilgamesh, what the f*** did you do to those poor maids?! (Even if they were homunculi…)

The subbers appear to have spelt “homunculus” slightly wrong…

F/SN UBW 15

“Going through the front door would be a bad idea.” – Yeah, and people die when they are killed.

I really respect Illya now…and can see why she got her own spinoff.

This snowy mountain makes me realise exactly why they chose Ufotable for Demon Slayer.

F/SN UBW 16

I was wondering what Gilgamesh had torn out of Illya…ew.

I was watching Shazam the other day and a piece of advice the titular superhero gives is “Look out for number one.” (i.e. yourself) Rin has much the same mentality.

I seriously facepalmed when they tried to protect each other. One person should learn to stand down in the relationship for that to work.

Hmm…so this means Lancer’s Master is male, huh? (Why is that Master still a mystery anyway…?)

I facepalmed the third time (the second was soon after the first) when Emiya thought he could seriously protect Rin from Lancer. Knowing who Lancer’s Master is a much bigger priority right now, man – this isn’t a romcom!

I like Lancer’s sideways gaze, LOL.

*Archer comes in* - Well, hasn’t it been a while since we saw this guy? (voice drips with sarcasm)

“druther” – Hmm? I’ve never heard of this word before. Apparently, it means (when used as “If I had my druthers…”) “If I had my way…”.

Hmm? What’s this? There are two pendants instead of one…?

F/SN UBW 17

There’s a lot of shots centring around Lancer’s butt…LOL. (Or is that just the female gaze I’m forcing on to this?) Even still, because Lancer has an outfit like that, it’s kinda hard not to see that he does have a fine one.

“You have a lack of pride in your sword skills.” – Uhhhhhhh…I guess that’s why he’s Archer…?

I never seem to know who the Lancers are…geesh. Like, I could pick one from a crowd of Servants, but not their real names. Update: As it turns out, Karna (the one Indian Servant I had my eye on from Apocrypha) is a Lancer in Fate/Grand Order.

Apparently, Gungnir is the spear of Odin.

Kuzuki is a Master…of the Naruto run. (LOL)

Noting “sieben” and stuff, I think Rin’s magic is German in nature.

Why does Medea have elven ears, anyway…?

F/SN UBW 18

The subs suddenly turned yellow! What the heck?! (Prior to this, subs were white.) Update: Come to think of it, only Aniplex shows have yellow subs, while Funimation ones have white subs (although HiDive let you choose between white and black, the standard is white on the hardsubs). This might mean a switchover between who’s responsible for the show happened while this anime was airing.

“…within your grasp?”

Ooh, this I didn’t expect! Saber joined forces with Rin!

“…your wish was a mistake.”

*Shiro fights swords with more swords* - For some reason, I feel like I need to play some Daft Punk right now. (I don’t even like them as an artist, even though I’m meant to be the EDM expert around here…)

This all but confirms Archer is actually a Shiro Emiya from a distant future.

I just imagined an Archer whose body was made of swords. What a compelling image – a literal human weapon.

Those hand gestures…Shinji is a massive creep.

Huh? I’ve been skipping the post-credits segments for previous episodes because I’m binging, but there’s a post-credits segment here…

Hmm…this next-ep preview had a rook (or a king? I’m no good at identifying chess pieces by their appearance) with a red glowing symbol on it facing what appeared to be the symbol of the Saber class. What an interesting representation of the upcoming inevitable faceoff.

F/SN UBW 19

Wouldn’t it not make sense for future!Shirou to kill present!Shirou? I mean, you know the time travel paradox…if you kill the present guy, the future guy doesn’t exist.

“Sorry about that, punk.” – LOL. Lancer’s great.

Hey, wasn’t Kirei dea-oh right. In fiction, when there is no corpse, you can’t have assumed the character died. They probably skedaddled off somewhere, heavily bleeding and/or on the edge of death…and I’m assuming that was how Kirei got out of his scuffle too.

All this talk about ideals makes me wanna play Odd Future for some reason, LOL. (Well, the first line of that song is “I keep my ideals”, no?)

“…it is you who is disobeying orders.”

A eunuch, huh? Rin, you do know that a eunuch has his *erhem erhem* cut off…right?

Okay, people. Why must women be the source of the Holy Grail? This is only the 2nd time I’ve gotten to this point and you’ve got enough men to fuel the Grail instead. Why not use them??? Update: It’s safe to say I get my wish later.

“You’ve been removed from the bounds of time.” Subbers, I know you’re under pressure to produce subs, but please proofread…? Pretty please? Update: I should proofread too. My E key is a bit dodgy at the moment.

I predicted, a few seconds before it appeared on my screen, that Shirou wasn’t the type to do things he regretted. Yyyyyyyyyyup. That’s Shirou, alright.

F/SN UBW 20

Okayyyyyy. That was not an episode title that needed to be subbed.

Oh, gosh. Can you please just knee Shinji where it hurts, Rin…? I know you’re being choked, but you could still do something lik that.

…(lol)…What the heck, Shinji’s such a self-preserving prick!

So how many times did Lancer actually die and how many times was he faking it out?

“Dying because of some order that comes with being a hero.”

So who’s Gilgamesh’s Master now…?

Hmm…I thought by saving Rin and Saber, Shirou was already a hero. Maybe it’s just a perception thing.

H-Hey, Shirou…you keep saying redundant things…

F/SN UBW 21

Why is Saber just standing there, anyway…? (Well, Shirou did say it was his fight, but…she can do something…)

Okay, whose idea was it to cut after “However…”?! That’s terrible pacing.

This series peaked quite a few episodes ago. Now it’s just stretching for time.

Um, hey. Random question. Didn’t King Arthur draw Excalibur from the sword in the stone? Is that a stone or a tree stump? It’s hard to tell since the zoom quality is funny, but…if it’s a tree stump, someone got a crucial detail wrong. Update: Nup, it’s a stone. Forget I told you.

Having sacrificed myself for over a year for other people’s sake, I can’t say I agree that giving yourself up for others is a beautiful thing. This is speaking as someone who volunteers at a not-for-profit (the charity store). In fact, having thought long and hard about the fact I’ve completely gone down the wrong path from having taken this one opportunity I was given (note I did get rejected from a similar place before I got the position I did), I’ve thought, occasionally, that sort of thing is disgusting.

Did the Great B*stard even age 10 years while waiting for this new war…?

“…left off 10 years ago.”

Uh-oh. I don’t like Shinji – you can clearly tell that from the way I’ve been reacting to him – but there’s no way you’d use him as a Grail vessel…right?

F/SN UBW 22

If I understand the pink box correctly, it says kayumino-ru which is…*checks that up* itch cream(?) Another of the boxes says either iburon or ipuron, but it seems to be some kind of medicine (although I can’t figure out what it does).

“…flashy gold jerk…” – Yup, that’s why he’s the Great B*stard. The most narcisstic of all b*stards –so narcisstic he survived a Holy Grail War without being the victor.

Lemme guess, Rin…if I know my visual novels right, then the way to establish the mana link is either kissing or sexual intercourse, right? Update: Oh well, transplantation of a Magic Crest will work too. With the way Rin was reacting, I thought it was gonna be really intimate, but…nup. It’s just them taking off their shirts for one another…*whistles and pretends to walk away*

The reason I don’t like tsunderes is that whenever they want to be romantic, you can’t tell whether they’re giving mixed signals or not. Then again, you could argue I count as one, so…uh…*sweatdrop*

Shirou, why are you so concerned for the pillow?!

F/SN UBW 23

You can barely recognise the guy (Shinji)…huh.

H-Hey? You couldn’t mean Assassin’s back, right? Update: Y-Yep, that’s Assassin, alright. At least I can gaze upon his handsome face again…(lol) (<- If you’re wondering, there’s a difference between “lol” (or “small LOL”), “lel” and “LOL”. That’s the order they’re meant to be in, going from smallest to biggest laugh.)

Had to check Wikipedia, but Monohoshizao is the pole (?) wielded by Kojiro Sasaki…well, the correct term is nodachi (which I know better as ootachi from Touken Ranbu), but it’s referred to as a pole. To add something interesting to that, the ootachi I like the most (my beloved Taroutachi) is said to be 221 cm (throwing that into a converter, about 7.25 feet) and 4.5 kg (converting again, about 9.92 pounds)...which is basically something no human should be able to use, so if the pole is anything like Taroutachi...I have immense respect for this Assassin as well.

Assassin’s treatment here reminds me of Tora from Juuni Taisen…in a sense, they got what they wanted.

F/SN UBW 24

Cue the law of equivalent exchange from Fullmetal Alchemist, hahaha.

How can you be so sure you’ll beat the Great B*stard, Shirou???

Well, that Grail’s Holey, alright…(I bet you’re groaning at my joke, yes?)

I thought Archer was dead?! How did he fling a weapon at the last moment?!

Archer, you’re disappearing! This is no time for monologuing!

Why do I get the feeling I’ve seen Rin give the thumbs-up before as well…?

F/SN UBW 25 (FINAL)

Eyyyyyy? London…? Update: Oh, it’s the Clock Tower! That OVA is starting to make sense now! (Although I will watch it next, so there’s no need to muse over it.)

Tohsaka without pigtails is…weird.

Sherou (?)

Oh, romantic infighting (voice dripping in sarcasm)…That’s not what I’m here for. This is not a harem.

Ponytail Rin. This just gets weirder and weirder. Also, she kinda looks like Ishtar from Babylonia like that.

Tiny Pigtail Rin…it gets even weirder.

*yells* See?! It is London after all!!!

Update: Prior to this point, I had Silhouettes (by Avicii) playing in my head on occasion, notably when Archer was meeting his end. When Shirou came face-to-face with Saber’s grave, it switched to So Amazing by Luther Vandross. Although I normally don’t mention what I have on my mental playlist in notes like these, I just want to make note of that because it reflects the switch in mood. (Also, this is basically an extended transition into El-Melloi’s Case Files.)

Hmph. Yeah, nothing like hindsight to make something huge look small.

Sakura and Shinji’s relationship…it reminds me of a grumpy old man and his young daughter…(LOL?)

Ryudou’s reaction to romance reminds me of Tenya (from BnHA) in his more crazy moments.

All this talk about the Clock Tower is making me think that older!Waver will show up at any moment now…

…wa-hey? Well, *spits out some held-back laughter* whaddaya know? That’s the older Waver right there!

Ufotable’s older!Waver and Troyca’s older!Waver look fairly different. Ufotable’s isn’t as attractive because his hair has an artificial sheen to it and the man’s face looks more like a snake’s head in shape, so he looks a bit dumb. Update: Certainly Troyca’s Waver has a more egg-shaped head, but at least that makes his hair look nicer, no?

Post-credits segment. Keep watching.

Huh…that segment wasn’t very substantial. Maybe Hoshiai no Sora spoilt me on that front.

Waver OVA (REWATCH)

*yells* I still think Flat Escardos is a terrible name!

LOL, I think Waver just called out a bunch of political writers right there.

So who are these old people??? (Lennon Glasses and Old Lady here) I still don’t know. Update: You do find out later – Inorai is the old lady and Rocco is the old man.

Okay, so apparently the set of characters used for “Rail Zeppelin” is literally translated to Demon Eyes Collection Train...sounds like something out of Demon Slayer.

If Kayneth is the OG Lord and this Reines girl is the new one, how did Waver become gen. 2? *rewinds a little* She’s el-Melloi Archisorte, meaning that somehow she and Kayneth are blood-related (also note Monkey D Luffy = Luffy is his first name and Monkey is the last name with D being a middle initial, so Reines could have her names around the wrong way as well). Still doesn’t answer the Waver part of the question, though. Update: The character page of the official website says Reines is the rightful heir to the name “Lord (Lady?) El-Melloi”, but she appointed Waver to be the Lord while she waited to become of age and take the position.

As you know, I gotta question the guy’s (Waver) age. In Fate/Zero he was 19 and he looks much the same ten years later, so his approximate age range is 19 – 29 here. Wikipedia (which I linked earlier) says the anime this OVA is attached to occurs between the Grail Wars, meaning I might not be able to get an exact age. Update: “[A]lmost 10 years”, so I’d wager he’s on the back end of the age range (24 – 29).

Ooh, another good boy (Bram). I forgot he existed…and that’s kinda nasty that he’s got the bloodline of Sola-Ui in him. Update: Oh! Younger sister! That is nasty!

The word shisho (師匠), if I’m guessing the right characters, means “instructor” (or “teacher” if you wanna bend it that way). “Sir” is Waver’s title…I’m guessing that translatio choice is because he’s not a professor in title, assuming professor titles in this are given like they are in real life.

There’s something quite cute about Waver making such an indignant face…then again, he does have permanent worry lines on his face, so maybe not.

Like, whose bright idea was it to crush on the loli? Ravioli, ravioli, don’t crush on the loli! (Then again, I’m probaby worse, chasing after older men…)

Come to think of it, Ufotable is good at action motion (see exhibit A: Demon Slayer), but not free-flowing comedic motion like Waver falling over like this. That’s probably why the show jumped studios to Troyca (aside from divvying up the work of the Fate/ universe – Ei Aoki did F/Z, after all, so it makes sense he’d have some ability to take dibs on whatever works best for his studio…although he wasn’t too involved with this, I don’t think). Update: He was supervisor and storyboarder for this OVA.

Waver: Official butt monkey of the Clock Tower. Calling it now.

Troyca animates F/Z (however briefly)…I must say, they did a good job imitating Ufotable.

All I really remember from the first time around is the car chase, which really shows my priorities in anime…heh heh.

Troyca’s CGI is more noticeable than Ufotable’s, but they’re still on of the best studios for CGI, I think. That’s why they’re on my favourites list over Ufotable (since Ufotable, by general consensus, does better work but I think it looks more artificial in parts – case in point, Waver’s hair).

Setting up a mystery, like all stories, is very much about setting up the boundaries that you’re allowed to play in later. The only thing is that mysteries get more stringently judged for logic.

Hey, whaddaya know? Waver can fit Rider’s old shirt now! (Or maybe it’s the smaller version Waver implied was given to him during F/Z.)

“[W]hydunit” (in English) – LOL? There’s “whodunit”, but not “whydunit” – stick to “motive” or “modus operandi”, people.

#Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works #Lord El-Melloi II's Case Files #lord el-melloi ii sei no jikenbo: rail zeppelin grace note #Lord El-Melloi II's Case Files: A Gravekeeper A Cat and A Mage #Lord El-Melloi II-sei no Jikenbo: Rail Zeppelin Grace note - Hakamori to Neko to Majutsu-shi

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babylon-bitch · 7 years

Text

Always Late

A/N:This is so long but I had a lot of fun writing it. I’m thinking of doing a part 2, I’m not sure, I’ve got a few ideas. I’ve recently gotten back into Tom Odell, and his music has a recurring cameo lol, I also love Fake Plastic Trees, it’s one of my favourite songs.

Words:13441

Summary: (Y/N) is a music fanatic, she’s grown up with music all around her, mainly because of her dad being a music producer. When her dad forgets some things, (Y/N) has to drop them off at the studio, where she meets the 5SOS boys. As her dad and the boys work together more, they are invited over for dinner and a certain guitarist takes interest in (Y/N)

My fingers move at a rapid pace, causing one of my favourite sounds in the whole world. I’m about to get to the best part when all of a sudden I’m cut off and my guitar makes a pathetic sound.

I look up and find my mum standing by my amp. “Dude, why’d you cut me off?” I ask.

“As much as it sounded great, dad forgot his phone and his notebook, so could you drive down to the studio and give him his phone?” She requests.

“Why can’t Jacob do it?” I ask with a sigh.

“Because your brother is already out getting some food for lunch.” She says. “Now get dressed and head out.” She claps her hands and heads towards my door.

“I swear you and dad only had children so we can be your servants.” I call after her.

“Quite enjoyed the process.” She calls back.

“Mum!” I exclaim and shake my head in amusement as I hear her laugh.

Taking my electric guitar off my lap and place it on my bed for now, before I head to my wardrobe and pull out a pair of ripped black jeans, an old bandshirt I probably got when I was 16, and a black and whire loose flannel.

After putting those on, I do my regular make up, and brush my hair through, putting a little salt spray in it.

Walking down the stairs and jumping off the last one, being met with the smell of fresh laundry. I love that smell, especially on a Saturday morning.

Sitting on the third step as I put my black vans on, trying to battle off Lacey our dog in the process.

“Where’s dad’s stuff?” I ask as I pick up a banana from the fruit bowl and begin to peel it.

“His phone is on the coffee table and his notebook should be in his office.” My mum tells me as she walks into the kitchen holding a laundry basket.

“Why couldn’t you get it for me?” I whine.

“Because you’re a big girl now and I’ve been busy. Oh and I packed some lunch for him, it’s on the island.”

Turning around I see a little Tupperware container filled with some sort of rice dish with a fork next to it.

“You guys are so cute you make me sick.” I gag and make my way to my dad’s office.

After 15 minutes I’ve got everything, I kinda got distracted by the piano that’s in there.

“Is there anything else you want me to do, your Majesty?” I ask.

“Jesus (Y/N), you’ve still not gone yet?”

“Well evidently not.” I shake my head.

“Whatever, that’s it, drive safely.” She kisses my cheek and I say goodbye before heading out the door and into my car, the eargasmic sound of The Hunna hitting me when I get started.

As much as I love them, I’m craving some Nothing But Theives.

Driving down the streets whilst blasting out music on a sunny day has got to be one of my favourite things to do, I can’t think of a more relaxing thing than that. I do this a lot when my mind is clogged, usually if I’m feeling some type of way I’d go at night but by doing that you get a different vibe, a much darker vibe.

Music always comforts me and I see it as home.

I’ve always grown up listening to music, whether it’s my own, something on the radio in the kitchen, or something my dad is producing, it’s just always been there. I love that there’s always a song for every emotion.

Happy? Listen to Million Bucks

Angry? Listen to Seretonia or anything by Highly Suspect, it just makes you feel powerful.

Anxious? Listen to So Sad, So Sad

Sad? Listen to Visions

So many choices and options, that what I love about it, there’s such a broad spectrum.

I love going through old playlists or old iPods, because I can see what I was into at that moment in time and it takes me back, it’s almost as if I’m there again, seeing the people who were in my life at that point, what I was obsessing over, and probably what posters I had on my walls.

My dad is a music producer and has worked with some of the best artists in this past few decades, usually punk rock artists but he has worked with a broad spectrum of people.

I get a lot of my musical talent from my dad, he taught me how to play guitar when I was 8, bass guitar when I was 12, and taught me how to produce music in the studio when I was 14. My mum also taught me how to play piano when I was 10. I’m teaching myself how to play the drums, I’ve been doing that since I was 17, which is two years ago now, I still haven’t properly grasped it all yet. I’ve learnt a few more instruments on the way, like how to play ukulele, violin, saxophone, and the clarinet but I lost a little interest in them, I’m not really into that type of music, but I can appreciate it when I hear them being played.

We’re a very musical family, my brother Jacob can play bass and drums, and a little bit of piano and guitar. I’ve always been fascinated by instruments, I used to love it when my dad played guitar, and ever since then I’ve fallen in love with music.

My dad used to sing and play guitar to us when Jacob and I went to bed, it didn’t really help us go to sleep because we used to get so excited when it was out.

I write a lot of songs, I first started actually writing when I was 13, it was some silly song about a fantasy land I’d made up in my head, but it’ll always be a special song. My mum taught me how to properly write a song and I’ll forever be greatful for her help.

I love writing because it’s like my own little diary, I can pour my thoughts out or write about a past experience that I don’t necessarily want to talk about, or I can make up a situation in my head and write a song about it, when I wasn’t so experienced in life, I used to write about how I imagined a character in a book I was reading or a tv show I was watching felt. I still do that sometimes when I’m bored

I’m not much of a singer, I can sing a little bit, but I’m a little shy about it, as opposed to being quite bold with all my instruments. My dad always asks why, and I’m not really sure why, I guess I’m just not that confident in it.

Of course I sing in the shower or around the house, because who doesn’t?

I’ve never released any of my songs, I like to keep them private, I just find them too personal to release, and it’s my little hobbie.

I’ve helped my dad with a lot of stuff, lyric wise and music wise. Sometimes when dad’s notebook is out, I’ll look through it, then get my notebook and either rewrite it or add little adjustments, then tear out that page from my notebook and put it in his notebook with a little note or something.

I feel a lot of things, so words come quite easily to me, I’ve got endless amounts of random pieces of paper strewn around the house of lyrics.

I’m such a daddy’s girl, I’ve done a lot of things with him, spent a lot of my childhood in his office. We’ve always been close, we contastly have little guitar battles and help each other out with lyrics. We’re also really competitive, that explains the guitar battles, sometimes we set ourselves a time limit and see who can write the best song in that time, in a few cases he’s actually used those songs for artists, and we/I always laugh when I hear them on the radio.

That’s not to say I’m not close with my mum, we’re very close, she’s taught me so many lessons in life, and will always be one of my biggest inspirations.

My whole family is really close, and I’m so greatful for that, and we’ve all got a passion for music, which is so fun, because on occasion we sing/make music together.

I remember one time when the power went out because there was a huge storm, me and my dad got some acoustic guitars and my brother played the drums, whilst my mum sang and played on a keyboard. Sometimes I look back and cringe because we seem so lame and something out of a movie but it was really fun.

I’ve met quite a lot of my dad’s clients, sometimes they come round for dinner, or just hang out with my dad. Never really got close to any, I’ve gotten along with people who are around my age and got their phone numbers, but I’m not in regular contact with anyone. I’m okay with that though, I’ve got my own friends and people come and go in life, and that’s okay.

Pulling into the studio’s parking lot, which I’m very familiar with, I spend quite a lot of time here.

Gathering my dad’s notebook and his lunch, I grab a yoyo from the glove box, and get out of the car, slamming the door behind me.

Locking my car, I make my way towards the building, smiling at the doorman as I walk in. I make small talk with people on the way, until I reach the hallway my dad’s studio, that he should be in.

Turning the corner and see that his door is open and I see and hear people talking and laughing.

They look kind of familiar.

“It was actually my daughter’s idea t-”

My dad gets cut off by me knocking on the already open door, and 5 pairs of eyes turn their attention to me.

“Hey.” I smile and play with my yoyo.

“Speak of the devil, guys this is my daughter (Y/N), (Y/N) this is Luke, Calum, Michael, and Ashton.” My dad introduces.

“Hi, I’ve heard so much about you!” Ashton says.

“Hey.” Calum waves.

“Hello.” Michael smiles.

“Hello.” Luke matches Michael’s smile.

“Hey, good thing hopefully.” I chuckle.

“Of course, I wouldn’t tell them about the time fell over when you were doing ballet.” He smirks.

“Dude, I was like 6, so shut up.” I laugh. “Anyway mum said you forgot this so here.” I pass him his notebook and place his lunch on a nearby table.

“Late as always.” He comments.

“Yeah, I kinda got distracted by someone selling pretzels.”

“I’m not even gonna ask.” My dad shakes his head.

“Anyway, I made some adjustments to the bass line on the most recent entry.” I inform him.

“You play bass?” Calum asks

“Yeah, I’ve been playing since I was 12, so that’s 7 years.” I nod.

“Are you good at it?” He asks.

“No, I’ve been playing shittily for 7 years.” I sarcastically reply.

“It’s true, she’s really good, but of course she learnt from the best.” My dad smirks.

“Oh give over, I’m way better than you.” I exclaim.

“Who taught you?” He reminds.

“That doesn’t mean shit.” I respond.

“I don’t know what we’re witnessing but it’s really cute.” Luke laughs.

“Are you guys like this all the time?” Michael asks.

“Yeah, my dad just can’t admit that I’m better than him.” I laugh.

“We may or may not be very competitive.” My dad states.

“You’re 5 Seconds Of Summer right?” I question finally noticing them.

“Yeah, that’s us, you a fan?” Ashton asks.

“I wouldn’t call myself a fan, but I listened to Sounds Good Feels Good.” I shrug.

“What’s your favourite song?” Luke questions.

“Lycically I liked The Girl Who Cried Wolf, Invisable, and Jet Black Heart, but musically I love Waste The Night and Money. I like all the songs but they are some of my favourites.”

“I’m so glad you like them and I hope you like album number three.” Michael smiles.

“I hope so too.” I nod. “Well, I’ve gotta go.” I gesture towards the door.

“It was nice meeting you, see you around?” Michael questions.

“Well if my dad forgets his things again, which he does quite often, there’s a guaranteed chance of seeing you guys again.” I poke fun at my dad.

“Oh give over, you forgot your guitar when that was what you were performing.”

“I’m still wondering how I did that.” I laugh. “I’m meeting up with Mason, so I’ll see you later.” I say and my dad rolls his eyes.

“That damn boy.” He shakes his head.

“Whatever, see you later.” I shake it off and pull him into a hug.

“Bye, thanks for coming down.” He smiles and I wave to the others before leaving the room.

Mason is my boyfriend, we’ve been going out for a total of 9 months. We met at a party, I was watching my friends mess around and be stupid and he was watching his friends do the exact same. When I was in secondary school he was known as the badboy, which he still has that rep, but we aren’t in school anymore and labels are still as irrelevant as they were in high school. He’s got a few tattoos scattered around his body, got his eyebrow pierced, at one point he did have his lip pierced but took it out after a while, and dresses in all black most of the time.

My dad isn’t particularly fond of him, he just doesn’t think he’s right for me. Which used to upset me a lot because I wanted to please my dad as much as I could, but I soon learnt that we can’t agree on everything.

Mason hasn’t actually done anything to make my dad not like him, I think it’s just the whole badboy look, which is just a look he’s actually got a heart of gold and is so sweet.

Mason said he’d pick me up outside of the studio, but when I got out I couldn’t see him so I decide to call him.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, but I’m gonna be late.” Is the first thing he says.

“It’s okay, how long will you be?” I ask.

“Around 10, 15 minutes.” He estimates.

“Alright, I’ll just go back inside and play around with some things.” I say.

“I’m sorry, baby. I love you.” He apologizes.

“I love you too, see you later.” I tell him and hang up.

We first said ‘I love you’ last month, we were on top of a hill, watching the sunset, and he told me he loved me.

My mum doesn’t mind him, she actually quite likes him. She tells me dad doesn’t like him because he’s protective of me and doesn’t like seeing his daughter all grown up, or some bullshit like that.

Jacob actually gets along really well with him, they used to hang out with each other sometimes, they sorta had the same friend group.

Turning around and walking back into the studio, and all the way back to where I just was, but a few doors down, it’s kinda like my dad’s spare studio. When he’s busy with a client, I use this one, if it’s not occupied of course. We do have a studio back at home, and I use that quite often, when I’m bored I like to mess around in there, and make the stupidest songs.

Opening the door and walking in, and I have a song in mind I want to play.

Pressing a few buttons here and there, I get the music going, so I only have to sing and play guitar.

Sitting down on a chair and I place my fingers on the right frets and take a big inhale.

“(One Of Those) Crazy Girls”

Now when you say you wanna slow down, Does it mean you wanna slow dance? Maybe you just want a little extra time To focus on our romance.

What do you mean I got it backwards? You know we’re gonna be forever. Why are you tellin’ me goodbye? Aren’t you gonna stay the night?

Are we really over now? Maybe I can change your mind? Soon as you walk out my door, I’m gonna call a hundred times.

Now I walk under a pink sky (ooh), Lovers float along and pass me by. I pour my heart out to your voice mail, Let you know I caught a bus To your side of town.

And now I’m standing at your doorstep With Los Angeles behind me. If you don’t answer I’ll just use the key That I copied ‘cause I really need to see you.

If you’re not here when I break in, I’m gonna go to your closet, Just so I can smell your skin. As the chemicals swim, I know I’ll never love again, I swear I’ll never love again!

Baby, are we over now? Maybe I can change your mind? As soon as you walk out my door, I’m gonna call a hundred times!

I’m not one of those crazy girls, I’m not one of those crazy girls, I’m not one of those crazy girls, I’m not one of those crazy girls.

Hey, baby, are we over now? Maybe I can change your mind? As soon as you walk out my door, I’m gonna call a hundred times!

Baby, are we over now? Maybe I can change your mind? Soon as you walk out my door, I’m gonna call a hundred times!

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

Now I’m one of those crazy girls, Now I’m one of those crazy girls, Now I’m one of those crazy girls, Now I’m one of those crazy girls.

Doing a little pluck of the strings once I finish, before I take the guitar off my lap and place it back on the stand.

“Is that a new song?” I recognize the voice of my dad.

Turning around I’m met with my dad and 5SOS.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been working on it these past couple days. It’s completely fictional, I’m not a psycho.” I laugh.

“How long have you been guitar for?” Michael asks me.

“11 years.” I purse my lips.

“Wow, what other instruments can you play?” Luke asks me.

“Guitar, bass, piano, and I’ve been learning how to play the drums for two years now. I can play others but those are my usual instruments to play.” I answer.

“Have you released any music?” Calum asks.

“No, I find it way too personal to release, I don’t know how you guys can do it, it would feel like reading my diary to the world.” I explain.

“I get that. It’s so cool that you guys are a musical family.” Ashton chuckles.

“How old are you?” Michael asks.

“19.”

“Wait, shouldn’t you be in college or university?” Ashton questions with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m supposed to be going next year. I’m taking a gap year, me and a bunch of my friends are gonna be driving around America for a couple months. My friend has got a school bus and it’s gonna be so cool.” I explain.

“I thought you were with funeral boy.” My dad says making me laugh.

“He’s honestly not that bad.” I give him a look.

“Well where is he?”

“He’s late.” I reply.

“Ah, something you have in common.” My dad teases.

“I’m not always late.” I claim.

“Are you sure about that?” He raises his eyebrows.

My phone goes off, signalling I have a text, so I pull it out and see it’s from Mason.

“He’s here, so bye, and I noticed you were struggling with the guitar part, put a capo on the third fret it should sound a little different, but hopefully a lot smoother and better then.” I tell them.

“Don’t be late.” My dad smirks.

“Shut up.” I glare at him with a laugh.

I pick up my bag and head out the door, saying goodbye to everyone on the way.

As I walk out into the corridor I see Mason standing at the end on the hallway, looking down at his phone.

“Hey.” I smile as I walk up to him.

“Hello.” He smiles back and puts his phone in his pocket, before holding my hips and placing a short but sweet kiss on my lips.

“Lets go.” I say and we intertwine our hands, I turn around and wave at my dad and the boys one final wave. For some reason they’re all still staring at us, but I shrug it off and pay my attension to Mason.

***

The sound of my bass guitar fills the room and the deep instrument fills me with such joy.

The bass is so underappreciated, it’s so versatile and people just go straight to the guitars, but the bass drives the band, and makes everything so smooth.

Plus a lot of bass players are hot as fuck.

“There’s my favourite-”

“Child!” I say.

“Hey!” Jacob whines from the other side of the room.

“I was gonna say daughter, actually.” My dad says.

“Either way applies.” I smirk.

“I’m not a girl!” Jacob exclaims.

“The eyeliner and straightening your hair says differently.” I tease.

“Firstly it’s called being emo and secondly it’s called guyliner.” My brother huffs. “And please don’t mention my emo years, it was a tough time for me, and I still have nightmares about it.”

“I’m pretty sure you wore my jeans once. If it’s called guyliner why did you take it from me?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Because you’re a guy.”

“Um, elaborate.”

“Uh, you never wear dresses.” He replies but it comes out as a question.

“Just because you don’t wear dresses doesn’t mean you’re a dude. And I’ve worn dresses before, I wore one when we went to mum’s friend’s wedding.” I explain. “And fuck gender rolls, be who and what you want.”

“Preach.” I hear my mum agree as she walks past the living room.

“You only wore one because you had to.” Jacob mutters.

“Anyway,” my dad looks between us, “I came here to say, thanks for your advice last week.”

“What advice?” I ask.

“When you said to put a capo on the third fret, it actually worked, then Michael had the idea of tuning it down to drop D, and now we’ve just got to finish the lyrics.” He explains.

“It was simple really, can’t wait to hear it.” I smile.

“The boys are actually coming over tonight for dinner and we are just going to talk about the new album.” My dad informs.

“Do I have to be there?” I ask with a whine.

“Well yeah, kinda.” He chuckles.

“But I’m hanging out with Mason tonight.” I say. “What time are they come over?”

“Around 6. I’d really appreciate it if you were there, plus you got along really well with them when you met them last week.” He tells me.

“Of course (Y/N) got along with them.” Jacob smirks.

“Meaning?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Well they are boys and play instruments, you’d be all over them if you weren’t with Mason.” He laughs.

“Keyword, Mason.” I glare at him.

“If they make a move on you, kick ‘em in the nards.” My dad warns.

“Gladly.” I laugh.

“Remember when that kid made you drop your ice cream and you kicked him in the balls.” Jacob bursts out laughing.

“I was like 9, it wasn’t recently.” I point out.

“I’m gonna leave you guys alone.” My dad trails off.

“I’m going to go over to Mason’s.” I say.

“Don’t forget to be back before 6.” Dad reminds me.

“And don’t get too busy.” Jacob teases.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, and keep believing that you’re saving yourself for marriage.” My dad tells himself.

“Jacob!” I exclaim and throw a stray pick at him.

“Remember that time a couple months ag-,”

“I’m leaving.” I say with my eyes wide.

Placing my bass guitar next to me, and standing up heading towards the door, where I put my shoes on and head out the door, escaping my brothers inappropriate comments.

***

“So we’re actually breaking up?” I ask and Mason nods.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to hurt you, you’ll always have a piece of my heart wherever you go. I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, I’m doing this because I love you.” He explains.

“I get it though, we’re moving in different directions in life, and maybe we weren’t meant for each other.” I sigh.

“Exactly, can we still be friends though, I don’t want to completely lose you.”

“Won’t it be a little awkward?” I question.

“Maybe at the start, but we were friends before we started dating.” He shrugs.

“I guess we could still be friends.” I look down at my scuffed shoes.

“Hey, I’m still in love with you, I always will be, you were my first love and that’s hard to get over.” He gingerly places his hand on my neck. “Last kiss?” He sadly questions.

“Sure.” I nod.

He ever so lightly places his lips on mine, and moves so slowly it’s almost painful.

This is almost worse than the break up itself, this is my last kiss with the boy that I love. It tastes so bitter, but so inviting at the same time that I could get lost in it. All this hurts, this is the last time he’s gonna touch me like this. We were so good together, but all good things must come to an end. There’s so many things that I can’t do anymore, not couple affectionately wise, but now there’s gonna be this barrier between us now, that I’m always gonna be tempted to climb over.

“I’m so sorry.” He says and a tiny tear escapes his eye.

I pull him into a hug and bury myself into his chest, taking in his scent. Mason presses a butterfly kiss on my neck, where previously there was a hickey made by him himself a couple days ago.

“I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you too.” I whisper back.

“When can I see you again?” He questions as he holds my jaw.

“I don’t know, but I think it will be good to take a little break from seeing each other for a while.” I explain.

“I respect that.” He nods. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

Mason places a gentle kiss on my forehead before walking away.

I give myself some time to cry in this lonely play park made for children. I can’t hear anything but my sobs and the occasional car.

There’s a stunning sunset right infront of my eyes, yet here I am crying, ruining the whole beauty of it by crying.

Jumping off the climbing frame and onto the tarmac, and heading towards my car. Turning on the radio and taking in a big inhale, before heading home.

As I’m driving down a random street, I remember I have to get home for dinner because 5SOS is coming over, it’s currently 7, so I’m already an hour late.

Great, just great.

I’ve got a pretty valid excuse for being late.

When I’m close to our house, I pull over so I can do my make up, because when you’ve you’ve smudged eyeliner and mascara running down your cheeks, it’s not exactly the look I’m going for.

It reads I just broke up with my boyfriend.

And although I feel a lot of things, I’m also good at hiding my feelings. People usually find out my feelings through my songs, and sometimes it can be a cry for help.

I rarely get properly sad, but when I do, it shows me I’m human and it’s okay to get a little sad sometimes. Your sadness also depends on who you are and it feels different for everybody, like how no one sees colour the exact same, it’s different but it also varies, it can be ever so similar or feel completely different for other people.

When I’m sad and feeling down, it goes deep, it’s not just a little, it’s either all or nothing, it also varies on time, it can last a few days, weeks, or months.

Things that make you feel better can be different too, it could be a person, a thing you like to do, yourself, or all that combined.

For me, it’s a combination of it all.

Starting up the car again, I drive round the corner and down the street a little before reaching our house. There’s a car parked in my usual space, so I park just outside our house and get out.

Pulling my bag up off the floor and bringing in some CDs so I can put them in my room, and slamming the door behind me, locking the car, and walking towards the front door.

Taking my keys out of my bag and putting them in the door, walking in, being met with the smell of my mum’s cooking, which always comforts me, and my dog coming trotting up to me, her tail hitting everything.

Putting my bag on the staircase for now, and putting my focus on the four CDs in my hands, looking at the back and seeing what songs are on here.

“You look like the teenage version of an adult looking through mail.” The voice of my dad steals my attention.

Looking up I’m met with my dad, Michael, and Calum staring at me, whilst Jacob, mum, Luke and Ashton are talking about something.

“Oh, yeah, I’m looking at Stereophonics’ album.” I say.

“Which one?” Michael questions.

“Language.Sex.Violence.Other?” I hold up the case.

“Always a good artist to rock out to.” Calum smiles and I nod in agreement.

“So, late once again.” My dad smirks.

“Yeah, sorry, I got caught up with Mason and shit.” I sigh.

“Of course you did.” Dad rolls his eyes.

“Well, I gonna put these upstairs, I’ll be right back.”

Turning around and walking up the stairs and into my bedroom. Tonight really isn’t a good night for people to come over. Dumping my stuff on the bed, and taking a breather so I can calm down a little, before heading down the stairs again.

Walking into the lounge, noticing that there aren’t any spare seats, so I decide to sit on the stool infront of the grand piano.

“You okay?” My dad asks.

“Yeah.” I nod.

“You sure?” He asks.

I pick up a fidget spinner from the shelf above me and spin it, “see I’m calm.”

“Okay.” My dad laughs.

“If I was rich, I’d just spend my time in a robe, having someone play the harp in the corner, and get people to do things for me, whilst I have girls in coconut bras fan me when I get hot.” My brother says, I don’t know what context this is in, I was daydreaming, then I heard that monstrosity.

“You’d have someone playing the harp?” I ask.

“Yeah what’s wrong with that?” Jacob questions with a slight smile.

“If I were rich, I’d have Slash play.” I point out the obvious and laughter erupts.

“You’ve got the right idea.” Michael laughs.

“Also, you’d be a dick if you were rich.” My mum adds.

“You basically get everyone to do your chores anyway.” My dad joins in.

“I didn’t know I came to a family roast.” Calum laughs.

“Why would you have the harp playing anyway, that’s the least you thing ever, you play the drums for god sake.” I question.

“Uh, when you’re rich you have to keep up a specific look.”

“This conversation is so dumb.” I shake my head.

“Can someone play me something?” My dad asks and all eyes turn to me.

“Why me?” I questions.

“Because you’re by the piano.” Luke says.

“So? It doesn’t mean I wan- fine.” I sigh and turn around and pull the lid up. “Any requests?”

“Play some Tom Odell.” Ashton speaks up.

“You have to guess what it is.” I say and place my fingers on the right keys and my foot on the pedal.

I haven’t listened to this song in years, it’s called Grow Old With Me.

“That was beautiful.” Calum smiles and I smile back.

“It’s a really pretty song.” I say.

“Grow Old With Me.” Ashton guesses and I laugh.

“Wow, well done.” I sarcastically clap.

“It blows my mind how talented you are.” Michael smiles.

“I wish I was born into a family like this.” Luke pouts.

“You play drums right?” Calum asks Jacob.

“Yeah and bass.”

“This family is so talented.”

***

We’ve had dinner, all the boys are with my dad in his office, it’s just my mum and I that are on the ground floor, I’m not sure where my mum is though, I think she might be in the kitchen.

As everyone is busy, I decide to do some writing, I’ve had all these words in my head all evening, some I’ve forgotten but I’m sure they will come back to me. I turn onto a new page in my notebook and just let my heart and hand take control.

I’ve got the first verse done, I’m gonna make up the music.

Placing my fingers on the black and white keys, letting my fingers go where it feels right.

I use my heart for the lyrics and my brain for making the music, sometimes I use my heart to make the music too, doing that determines what kind of vibe you’re going to get.

After around 25 minutes, I’m nearly done, I’m just stuck on the bridge, I’m not sure what to do.

“I think you need to let it ring out a little.”

A voice from behind me startles me.

Turning around I see Michael leaning against the doorway of the living room.

I try it and it fits perfectly, and gives the song more emotion.

Adding the last verse that I already had planned, and that completes my song, I take my fingers off the keys and return to my usual slumped posture.

“That’s a really heart breaking song.”

Realizing Michael is still behind me I turn around.

“Yeah.” I sadly sigh.

“What’s it called?” He asks.

“Long Night.” I reply.

“Any particular recent inspiration for it?” He asks and walks towards me.

“I actually broke up with my boyfriend right before I came here, and I’m dreading going to sleep tonight, becuase I know what’s gonna happen.” I confess.

“I’m so sorry. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you break up?”

“We were just moving in different directions in life.” I shrug.

“How long were you together for?”

“7 months, he’s the first person that I loved.” I stare at the ground.

“He’s the dude who was at the studio right?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I nod.

“He seemed like a cool guy. Why does your dad hate him?”

“My mum just says it’s because he’s protective of me or something.” I shrug.

“What was your relationship like?” Michael asks.

“We were bestfriends, people would wonder if we were actually just really close friends. I could talk to him about literally anything and he would talk to me about anything. We did everything together, we’d planned our life out ever since we left high school, and I don’t know what to do with these plans now. We thought we could take on the world together, but it shows that that isn’t the case.”

“Were you blinded by the fact that you were actually with him, that you didn’t take notice it was a high school relationship?”

“We got together like a month after we graduated, so not really. We didn’t really talk when we were in school, he was just a friend of my brother that I saw occasionally.” I shake my head.

“Maybe you were just meant to be bestfriends, but you mistook the connection between you both for romantic feelings.” Michael says and that takes me back a little.

“Wow, never thought about that.” I trail off. “But I did have feelings for him, I know that for sure.”

“That’s expected, if you did all those couple-y type things for quite along time, you’re bound to catch feelings. I believe that you have multiple soulmates in life, musical taste soulmates, friend soulmates, late night adventure soulmates, distant friend soulmates, anything soulmates for specific things in life, the romantic soulmates are just a portion of life, don’t forget. Sure, they’re going to be there for a lot, but they aren’t the main aspect in this thing we call life.” Michael explains me his view.

“Have you got all your soulmates?” I ask.

“A lot of them, there are a lot of things that are a specific fit for specific people. You gradually gather people along the way, and sometimes they stay and sometimes they come and go.”

“I’ve got to say, you’ve got a beautiful way of looking at things.” I smile.

“We’ve all got differnt ways of seeing stuff.” He shrugs. “You’ve got an amazing way of looking at things too, the way you transform everything into a song, and by the sounds of it, everything is really well written and sounds fantastic.” Michael adds.

“Thank you.” I chuckle, blushing ever so slightly.

“When your dad first told me about you, I thought you were just some emo 16 year old, that could only play a black electric guitar, and had written really depressing lyrics, I couldn’t of been more wrong.” He laughs.

“That was kinda me when I was like 14.” I laugh.

“Is that your notebook that you right all your songs in?” Michael points towards the black covered notebook on the edge of the piano.

“Yeah, I’ve got so many of them, I’ve nearly finished that one.” I confirm.

“Can I?” He asks.

I never let anyone read my book, I mean no one, I’ve let my dad read a few pages, and I think my brother found an old one a couple years ago, but I snatched it from him before he could look any further, but for some reason I find myself nodding my head, because I feel almost comfortable letting him read something so personal, and it feels right.

He leans over and grasps it in his hands, and opens up a random page.

“You have really petite handwriting.” He comments after a while and I chuckle.

Deciding to do something with the silence in the air, instead of hearing the occasional turn of a page, I face the piano again and just play a simple piece.

“Honestly most of these things I can relate to so much, and you’re so talented with words it blows my mind how elegant the words are.” He speaks up after a while.

“Thank you so much. I love your music too, Jet Black Heart is so well written and I can relate to it a lot.” I say. “What was your favourite?”

“I’m not sure if there is a favourite, but I was curious about the song Strange Love.” He smirks.

“God, if my dad heard that one, I don’t think I could live with myself or look him in the eye ever again.” I bite my lip.

“I can’t really pick a favourite, they’re all so good, it’s like when you’re picking songs to actually put on the album, it’s so hard, it would be like picking a favourite child or guitar.” He admits.

“You know, being with you made me pretty much forget about the fact that I broke up with someone mere hours ago.” I confess and make my way over to the couch, him soon joining me.

“Really?” He questions with a warm smile.

“Yeah, and I don’t really feel guilty about it.”

“When you break up with someone, you don’t have to be hung up over them for ages, it’s okay for it to not affect you, as long it’s not a fake facade then in that case, you need time to greive so you move along. It’s okay to feel everything, not feel anything at all, or be in the middle, you have emotions and when you don’t use them, it doesn’t mean they’re broken, if you’re feeling a lot of things, it just shows you that they are there and might be bigger than some people, if you’re in the middle, I just shows you’re human. Anything on the emotional radar is acceptable and normal.”

“I’m so glad you’re a musician so that you can tell millions of people it’s okay to be who they are.” I smile.

“So am I.” He nods. “You’re a really great girl, I’d love to get to know you better.”

“Thanks.” I bashfully laugh. “Why don’t we ask each other questions?”

“Sure, I’ll go first. What’s your favourite song at the moment?” He asks.

“I’m actually loving Diamonds by Our Last Night.” I answer. “What is your biggest fear?”

“Besides spiders, it would probably be losing the people that mean the most to me. If you could go back 5 years, what advice would you give yourself?” Michael questions.

“I was 14, I’d probably tell myself that it’s okay to be you, you don’t need to be this type of person, you are allowed to be weird. What experiences have shaped you to who you are today?”

“I mean the band has shaped me into who I am, but my teenage ‘demons’ have shaped me, I guess, there’s no big experience, just little things. What’s your story?”

“I was born in 1998, uh we were constantly moving around because of my dad’s band, for quite a while up until I was like 6, we actually went on tour with my dad’s old band for a year, then we settled down for a while. I was home schooled, properly got into music and started learning all these instruments, when I was 12 I went to school, I tried to fit in with people, but never really found the right people until I did when I was 13 and became friends with my type of people who had the same interests as me. Moving into my teenage years, the first couple years were alright, I was trying to figure out who I was and what I liked. When I got to 15, I lost myself, is the only way I can put it. I went through a rough patch mentally, I lost quite a few people during at that time by pushing people away, I hated people seeing me so vulnerable, so I decided if they can’t see me it will help me, when in reality I needed them more than anything. I lost someone who was so special to me, which I think caused it all, I sunk deeper everyday, and one day took two days to climb up. That lasted until I was 17, I wasn’t always sad, I did have happy days, but there was a big contrast between the two, I spent that year nursing myself back to health, properly experiencing life again, and either seeing the same people I pushed away again or meeting new people. Then I started to find myself again, and now I’m here, going on 20 in a couple months.” I tell him. “If you could have one super power, what would it be?”

“Just one? I don’t think I’d be able to choose just one, definetly invisablity for obvious reasons, flying because that’s fucking cool, and teleportation because I could be anywhere I wanted plus I could fuck with people so hard. What is the most valuable thing you own?”

Fender custom materbuilt Greg Fessler 1960 Stratocaster

“I own my great grandmas diamond necklace, I also own a Fender custom materbuilt Greg Fessler 1960 Stratocaster, as well as a few other expensive guitars.” I say.

“No way! Holy shit.”

“Yeah, I got it for my 18th birthday.” I nod. “What’s your favourite thing to do when you’re stressed?” I ask and he wiggles his eyebrows, making me rolls my eyes.

“Well, besides that, I love to listen to music and just sit there. What was your first concert?”

“It was probably something like the Jonas Brothers or something, I can’t really remember, I’ve been to so many concerts, I’ve forgotten.”

This all goes on for a while, until we end up asking stupid questions and messing around whilst being sprawled out the couch.

“What’s your favourite food?” He asks.

“I fucking love nachos and cake.” I answer. “What’s do you want as a pet?”

“I really want a tortoise or a hedgehog.” He explains. “Favourite colour?”

“Either purple, navy blue, or black. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go and who would you take?”

“I’d probably go to some random beach or a big ballpit, and I’d take you. What’s one thing you wish you could do?”

“I wish I could whistle blowing out, and have an unlimited amount of mac and cheese. Cats or dogs?”

“I can’t pick! It’s like picking a favourite sibling!” He exclaims.

“How many siblings do you have?” I question.

“Firstly, it’s my go, and secondly I don’t have any.”

“Then how would you know what it’s like to pick a favourite sibling?” I ask.

“How would you know, you’ve only got one choice.” He points out.

“Uh, don’t judge my choices.” I say.

“Then don’t judge mine.” He dramatically turns his nose up at me and looks away.

“You don’t have any choices for me to judge.” I laugh and he gasps.

“I thought you were cool and a nice girl, but clearly I was wrong.” He tells me.

“So, you think I’m cool?” I smirk.

“I never said that.” He defends.

“Are you sure, because I remember hearing ‘I thought you were a cool girl’.” I accuse and adding emphasis on the word cool.

“I think you heard wrong.” He replies and sits up, tapping my earlobe slightly.

“Are you sure?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Defiently, you are so lame and I’m the coolest one here.” He rolls his eyes at me.

“Admit it, I’m cooler than you.”

“Never in a million years.” He shakes his head.

“It’s okay Michael, it’s understandable.” I tease with a smile.

“Why would I admit something that’s clearly untrue?” He asks in disbelief. “Like look at this, then look at… that.” He gestures to me.

“Am I damaging your ego, Michael?” I coo.

“No.” He huffs.

“You think I’m cool, and I can clearly see why.” I chuckle.

“You need to have a look at yourself in the mirror.” He tells me.

“I think you j-”

I get cut off by his lips crashing onto mine, at first I freeze but then work my lips against his. I begin to un-tense when I feel his hands on me, he reaches up to hold my jaw and places a hand on my waist, where as I hold the junction where his neck and shoulder meet, and place my hand on his lower thigh.

Once we get more comfortable with each other, Michael starts to push me back onto the couch, once my back hits it, he climbs on top of me runs his hand up and down my side.

This kiss feels so differnt to the ones I’ve experienced before, it feels more… real? I don’t know it just feels a lot more special to any other intimate moment I’ve shared with someone.

“I think we can both agree I’m cooler.” He quietly says against my lips.

“Yeah fucking right, Clifford.” I laugh.

“I’m g-”

I cut him off my pulling him into another kiss. It’s a lot more heated than last time, I think it’s because we both know we both want it. His right hand runs agonisingly slowly down my sides and down my thigh, before he pulls my thigh up to his waist, then trails his hand down my thigh, up to my hip.

Michael swipes his tongue across my bottom lip and I grant him access. I explore his mouth and begin to get accompanied by his tongue.

“I think I found my musical soulmate.” He smirks as he pulls back.

Suddenly we hear the sound of voices coming closer and the sound of doors opening and closing, we quickly scramble away from each other and sit on opposite ends of the couch.

“Thank you so much for helping me with the chord progression.” I try and play it off.

“It was such a beautiful song, I’m glad I got to help you with it.” He smiles at me.

“You helped her with a song?” My dad asks as they all walk in.

“Yeah, Michael gave me an idea for the bridge.” I inform. “What were you guys doing?”

“We were discussing some new things for the album, and we started a little bit of writing.” My dad explains. “We used part of a bassline I heard you play the other day, hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I love when you steal my originals.” I joke. “Nah, I don’t mind, which one was it?”

“The one you and Jacob were messing around with on Thursday.” He tells me.

“Oh, right, I wasn’t really digging that anyway, we were just fucking around.” I shrug.

“So uh, we’re gonna head back home, it’s like 11 now and we have a morning full of interviews that start at something like 9:30.” Ashton laughs.

“Alright, thank you guys so much for coming, looking forward to the future.” My dad begins.

“Thanks so much for having us, and thank you for cooking dinner for us.” Calum smiles.

“Yeah, see you in the studio in a couple days.” Luke says.

“Had a great time tonight, hope to see everyone soon.” Michael adds.

My mum comes into the foyer, Jacob soon following, his head buried in his phone.

“Nice meeting you, you’re all so kind.” My mum beams brightly.

“See you around, my team will totally beat yours on Wednesday, Calum.” My brother smirks.

“Dream fucking on.” He laughs.

“Great talking to you about music, and your favourite bands, gotta say, you’ve got a great music taste.” Luke tells me.

“Thanks, I mean, we’ve got the same taste, so you’ve got a great taste too.” I chuckle.

We all continue to chat for 5 more minutes before we all start exchanging goodbyes.

Calum and my dad shake hands and laugh about something, before he moves on. Whilst my whole family is focused on saying goodbye to everyone, Michael comes up to me.

“It was good getting to know you better.” He smiles down at me.

“Same here, uh, I’m guessing I’ll see you around the studio or you’ll come over again soon.”

“Probably.” He nods.

Michael smirks and places a hand on my waist, and brings me into a sort of hug and whispers in my ear, “I’ll admit you are kinda cool.”

“Cooler than you?” I ask as we pull back.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” He laughs.

“I hate you.” I laugh.

“Really? Earli-”

“Go.” I turn him around and push him towards the door as he laughs to himself.

I say goodbye to everyone, my mum and I giving hugs to the boys, whilst Jacob and my dad shake hands with them.

“Bye, guys.” They all wave as they walk out the door.

“Oh shit, I need to move my car.” I realize.

“What?” My dad questions.

“They were parked in my spot, so I had to park outside, and it’s not gonna be easy to get out.” I explain as I get my keys.

“Alright, see you in a minute then.” He waves.

Walking out the door and down the long pathway, until I reach them.

“Stalking us?” Calum jokes as I walk next to them.

“No, you parked in my spot, and I don’t want my car to get scratched as you drive off, so make your own mind up.” I reply as I open my car door.

“Oh, shit sorry.” Ashton chuckles as they reach their car.

I smile in return before I sit down and out my key into the ignition, causing the sound of All Time Low to come out the speakers. Turning that down a little, I begin to put a Paramore album CD back in its case.

“Hey.” Someone says next to me.

I look out of my wide open door and see Michael standing there.

“Hey.” I nod.

“Why so you use CDs to listen to music? Why don’t you just use your phone?” Michael asks.

“I lost my Aux cord the other week, so then I used CDs and I just haven’t gotten round to buying a new one.” I explain.

“Haven’t listened to an actual CD in ages.” Michael muses.

“They bring back some memories huh. So what’s up?”

“Well, whilst those idiots mess around on snapchat, I thought I’d say goodbye.” He smiles.

“Aw how nice.” I joke.

“I’m a nice guy.” He says.

“Eh.” I shrug.

“Rude.” He gasps. “Okay what I really wanted to do is this.” He grins and presses his lips against mine.

Which I’m kind of surprised by, but I also kind of expected it.

He loosely holds my neck and gently rubs his thumb on my jaw as his mouth works against mine.

“Great, now can I have your number?” He smirks as we pull back.

“Bold as ever, Clifford.” I mutter as he passes me his phone.

“Always am.”

“Here.” I pass his phone back, and he puts it in his pocket again.

“Thank you.” He sincerely says and gives me a small kiss, a little more than a peck.

“See you soon.” I wave and close my door as he walks away.

***

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD.” My brother and I yell when my dad comes into the kitchen.

“Thanks, guys.” He smiles appreciative before he gives my mum a greeting kiss.

“Ew.” Jacob and I cringe.

“We’re in love!” My mum exclaims.

“So?”

“You do it with Mason pretty much everyday.” Dad claims.

“Speaking of Mason, I haven’t seen him in a while.” Mum notices.

“Oh yeah, you’re right, I saw him the other day, he seemed fine.” Jacob adds.

“We uh, we broke up.” I confess. “But I’m okay with it, I’m not sad about it anymore.”

“What?” Jacob exclaims.

“When did this happen?” Mum asks.

“Couple weeks ago.” I shrug. “It was actually the night the 5SOS boys came over.”

“Why’d you break up?” Jacob questions.

“We were just moving in different directions. It was kinda mutual, I guess, now that I’m out of it, I can see it, and it needed to happen.” I say.

“Well this has to be the best birthday present ever.” My dad jokes.

“Shut up.” I laugh.

“You’re okay though, you feel fine?” Mum asks.

“Yeah, great actually.” I nod.

“That’s great.” She smiles.

“How’s Mason?” I question Jacob.

“He seems fine, I guess. He was a little off for quite a few days, but now he seems to be getting on the mend.”

I’m glad he’s alright, we might not be dating anymore, but it makes me happy to know that he’s okay.

“Good.” I smile.

“Do you still care about him?” Jacob teases.

“Kinda, but you wouldn’t know because your love life is non existent.” I smirk.

“Uh, excuse me.” He gasps.

“When was the last time you had a girlfriend?” I ask.

“Last year, but I’ve had things going on with other girls since then, thank you very much.” He turns his nose up at me.

“They ran away because they realized how much of a loser you are.” I laugh.

“Really? What about Dianna?” He refers to his most recent ex girlfriend, and they went out for 5 months.

“She felt bad for you.” I shrug.

“Rude.”

“Well, I’m gonna be in the living room, dad I’m gonna need your help later I think.” I say.

“What with?” He asks.

“Some lyrics, I might be wrong though, it’s just a guess.” I shrug.

“Okay, give me a shout if you do need me.”

“Thanks.”

With that I leave the kitchen table and go into the lounge, picking up the acoustic guitar I was working with before I went for breakfast.

Placing the guitar on my lap, I pluck some open strings to just test the waters. Picking up the pick I had on the coffee table, I begin to play through from the start.

“Who are you texting because you’re smiling like an idiot.” My brother asks.

“Uh, no one.” I say.

“Oh really?” He raises an eyebrow. “Then what are you smiling at?”

“A Twitter thread.” I tell him.

It’s a little while later now, and I’m currently texting Michael. We’ve been texting constantly ever since the night he came over, it’s mainly just getting to know each other and joking around. We’ve talked on the phone a couple times and facetimed once, it was mainly to talk about music, more specifically helping each other out with music.

I needed help with the chorus of a song I was writing, so I placed my phone onto the table so my guitar was in frame, and he helped me with it, as well as the lyrics. It turned out really well, and it’s become a really special song to me.

He called me up, with the intentions of wanting help with some lyrics for the song, that did work for around 20 minutes, until we ended up just talking about everything and nothing for ages.

“Hey, so, as you both know it’s your dad’s birthday, and there’s going to be a party-,”

“Speaking of parties, I never got an invite.” Jacob cuts mum off. “Did you, (Y/N)?”

“No, I didn’t actually.”

“It’s your own father’s, you don’t need an invite, it’s at our house anyway.” Mum rolls her eyes.

“What up, anyway?” I ask.

“I was just wondering if you’ll be around all day to help me and some of my friends out with decorating and stuff. It starts at 4, if you aren’t around.”

“What kind lf party starts at 4? It usually starts at 9 or 10.” I exclaim.

“This is a 50 year old’s birthday party, not a house party.” She points out.

“I would prefer seeing a load of old people getting smashed.” I mutter.

“50, is not old!”

“It’s half of 100.” I say.

“Just answer my question.” She sighs.

“I’m actually super busy, so…” I trial off. “Wait, are your weird vegan friends helping out because if Samantha goes on another rant about avocados or if Tilly keeps making me weird food again, I will be perfectly fine with flying over the Bermuda Triangle.”

“No, they’re not and they’re not that bad, plus Tilly is going through some family issue right now so cut her some slack. And oh really, what with?” She raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“Uh, I’m, um, hanging out with Mason, yes that’s what I’m doing.” I click and point a finger at her. “Also, Tilly pretty much force fed me mushrooms and peas, I’m not cutting her anything but a restraining order.” I add making her roll her eyes.

“You broke up with Mason.”

“So? We can still be friends.” I state.

We’ve barely talked actually, we had a quick text conversation the other day, we were just checking in with each other, and we haven’t spoken since then.

“Jacob?”

“Unlike my rude sister, I’d love to help my mother.” He glares at me as he says that.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I’ve actually got some stuff to do, I need to finish a piano part, which I’m finding really difficult. I can help for a little bit though.” I honestly tell her.

“Just like your father.” She chuckles. “Thank you, do you need any help with it?”

“Maybe, I’ll see how it goes.” I shrug with a smile. “When do you need my help?”

“Not right now, probably in a couple hours though, although, Jacob, as you were so eager to help, I could use some muscles to lift some things up.” She smugly smirks.

“Hey! I’ve got muscles.” I protest.

“(Y/N), you moved your desk like 3 metres, and your arms hurt for 2 days.” Jacob sighs.

“Touchè.”

***

After hours, of helping set everything up, I can finally relax, so I climb into the hammock that is tied to two trees.

“Lacey!” I call and pat my lap, knowing she’s sitting right next the tree.

She gracefully jumps up, and struggles to stand up for a little while because when she jumped she made the hammock move, before she begins to settle down, and lays down on top of me, I stroke her silky coat and laugh at her expression.

I pick my phone up and begin to scroll through various social medias.

Guests are due to arrive at any second now, I have no idea whom is actually coming, I just know it’s a lot of people. Some of mine and Jacob’s friends are coming, and most of our family is also coming, I know that much, but the rest I don’t know.

There’s an unnecessary amount of balloons everywhere, some helium and some filled with just air. There’s banners hung up around the place, streamers everywhere, and fairy lights hung up anywhere possible. There’s also speakers dotted around playing some music, there’s multiple tables filled with every type of food you can think of, for some reason there’s a small piano placed outside, I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of people playing that.

I suck on a strawberry lace as I hear people coming and the volume of the music begins to increase as the crowd gets bigger.

I love being antisocial, in this hammock it literally engulfs me and Lacey, so you can only see us if you sat right next to the hammock, obviously you can notice someone is in here, but you can’t see who.

The sun is shining down, I would of complained if my face wasn’t in the shade, but thankfully it is, and Lacey is watching the world go by happily.

“Well this is the cutest shit I’ve seen in a long time.” A voice interrupts me a little while later.

“Michael?” I questions and put my phone down.

“That is me.” He confirms.

“I just didn’t expect to see you here.” I say.

“Why wouldn’t I come and see my favourite girl?” He states as if it’s the most obvious thing.

“Well it’s good to see you again.” I smile.

“Same here.” He nods. “Why are you here?”

“I was here before the party started, but firstly I couldn’t just push this girl off me, secondly it is a great way of escaping saying hello to people.” I chuckle.

“That would be pretty cruel.” He agrees as he strokes Lacey’s head.

“Are you all here?” I questions.

“Yeah, Luke and Ashton are talking to your dad, and Calum is by the piano.” He explains.

“Oh, how long have you been here?”

“15 - 20 minutes, I was actually looking for you.”

“Here I am.” I smile.

“Yeah, so how have you been?” He asks and shoves his hands in his jeans.

“Great, yourself?”

“Really good, music is going well, people in my life are good, everything is going great.” He nods his head with a smile.

“Lacey!” I grab her attension with a high pitched voice, and her head perks up. “Could you pass me that tennis ball over there?” I ask Michael.

He turns around and walks the small distance, grabbing the old ball, before coming back to us.

“Good boy.” I joke. “Do you want the ball, Lacey?”

She begins to excitedly get up, and I throw the ball over where Jacob is standing, then she jumps off the hammock all together and chases the ball.

“That was effective.” Michael laughs, I nod my head in agreement and stand up.

We subconsciously end up slowly walking around the whole garden, talking about the most random shit ever. I love talking to Michael because I can literally forget about everything that is going on around me. I forgot we were surrounded by so many people until I nearly bumped into someone, but Michael quickly guided me away with a hand on my waist.

“I have no idea why this is out here.” I say as we reach the small piano.

“How long have you been playing piano for again?” Michael asks as we both sit on the stool.

“9 years, coming up to 10. My mum taught me, she’s more into classical music, where as my dad is more into rock, which was always confusing when I was growing up, because there’s graceful music playing in one part of the house, and rock playing in another.”

I begin to press a few keys here and there, and Michael places his right hand on multiple keys on the higher keys.

“Wait you go here, and I’ll go here, then, yeah then keep that rhythm.” Michael instructs and places my hand to his choice of keys.

Soon enough we create a little tune, which keeps progressing.

“You guys should write as song, it’d be so good, you both have slightly different writing styles, but I think they’d work really well.” The voice of my dad speaks up.

“Maybe in the future.” I shrug.

“I agree, we could make a great song between us.” Michael adds.

“I’m gonna leave you kids alone now, don’t get too busy.” He winks then walks away.

“Dad!” I exclaim whilst Michael laughs.

“I’ll be back in a minute, I’ve just gotta talk to Ashton for a minute.” Michael tells me and stands up.

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

I watch everyone socialize and have smiles on their faces. I know or at least have seen most of the people here, although there’s a handful of people I’ve never seen before.

There’s the younger people playing with balloons, the dog, and each other. Young adults who are talking with themselves or observing whilst drinking. The older adults are laughing and talking with everyone, drinks in hand. There’s also quiet ones dotted around, but they still seem to be had fun.

My fingers make their way to specific and I find myself playing the opening chords to a song of mine.

“Walking on the rooftops Talking of times With our eyes a glowing Like the city lights She stands on the ledge, She says, 'it looks so high’

You know it’s a…

Long way down Feels like a long way down Feels like a long way down Like a long way down So honey don’t leave, don’t leave, Please don’t leave me now

Cuz I can feel the rivers Winding through the lands Two lines, and a poet Like a kind old rye You know we could talk in that language Only we understand

But you know..

It’s a long way down You know it’s a long way down Feels like a long way down Love it feels like a long way down So honey don’t leave, don’t leave, Please don’t leave me now.”

It’s an old song, I wrote it when I was 16 or something.

“That’s a stunning song, is it recent?”

Looking to my right, I see Michael staring down at me I awe.

“No, it’s an old song, I wrote it when I was 16.” I say. “I haven’t played it in years, I was just looking down at the keys, and remembered it.”

“It’s a nice song, could be used for a movie or something.” He chuckles.

“You left your Moose Blood CD in my car.” My brother interrupts us and throws it on my lap.

“Careful, it has feelings!” I exclaim.

“Let me guess, your guitars have feelings too?” Jacob teases.

“Obviously.”

“Sure, whatever, I’m gonna leave your lameass before your air affects me.” He says and walks away.

“You wanna go up to my room with me?” I ask Michael.

“I don’t know, this is all moving too fast for me.” He holds his hands out.

“Shut up.” I laugh and turn him around and push him towards the house.

I lead him all the way up to my room, and I push the door open, and go to my bed.

“Nice guitars.” Michael gestures to the 4 guitars on the wall.

“Thanks.” I nod and stand up, heading to my CD collection.

“How long have you been collecting those?” Michael asks.

“CDs? Years, I’ve got a high school musical one here.” I laugh and pick it out.

“This looks oddly similar to our album CD.” Michael notices.

“What can I say? You are pretty lame.”

“So I was uncool last time and now I’m lame? What’s next?” He smirks.

“Depends on what you do.” I tell him. “Anything can happen next.”

“Anything huh?” He raises an eyebrow.

“If you play your cards right, you could get whatever you want.”

“And what cards do I need?” He asks and places his hands on my waist.

“That’s for you to work out yourself.” I reply. “If your game and strategy is good, the odds may be in your favour, but if your words are copy and paste, shit strategy, babe.” I put emphasis on the final world and take his hands off me, taking a step back.

“How many rounds are there?” Michael questions.

“Till I get tired.” I shrug and watch as he sits down on my bed. “Or if the person is boring.”

“Am I boring?” He asks.

“I don’t know, I haven’t spent much time with you.”

“Do you want to?” He questions.

“Depends how this night ends.”

“I think you and I both know how it’s going to end.” He sends me a knowing look.

“Oh yeah? What do you think is gonna happen?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Well it usually starts with you coming closer.” He hints and I walk across the dimly lit room and closer to Michael.

Apparently this isn’t close enough because he gently takes hold of my hands and pulls me in between in legs.

Michael runs his hands from my thighs all the way up to my waist.

“I made my move, now it’s your turn.” Michael smirks.

“Alright, this isn’t a board game.” I say but make my move anyway by sitting on his lap and he hums in appreciation.

“Coming at me again with these weak insults.” He says and wraps an arm around my waist, holding onto my hip.

“Coming at me again with these weak comebacks.” I mock him whilst playing with his hair on the back of his head.

“Come on babe, we can both agree I could own you at most things, easily.” He cockily states.

“Like what?” I raise and eyebrow and gracefully turn around a little bit, and reposition myself so that I’m straddling him. “I’ll tell you what you do beat me at, having a big ego and being cocky.”

“You know what else is big?” He winks.

“Michael!” I laugh.

“I can definetly beat you at having a bigger dick.”

“Really? I don’t doubt that for a second.” I say as he rubs circles on my hips with his thumbs.

“You know, it’s not nice to use sarcasm.” He replies.

I stare down at him, how his lips are slightly parted, his green eyes staring up at me, filled with as much intensity as mine, and his ever so slight stubble against his pale complexion.

“Your go.” I whisper when I realize how close our faces are getting.

Michael makes the very short distance and presses his lips on mine in a rushed manner. His hand travels up and goes to my hair, lazily playing with it, whilst the other is comfortably placed on my waist. Michael pulls me as close as he can so our bodies are pressed up against each other and trails his hands down so that they are on my ass, he squeezes it a little which makes me gasp and he takes that opportunity to slide his tongue in. I become a little bit daring and push us back so that we’re laying down on my bed.

Casually making out is fun, but I’ve already done that with him, and I want to see what he is capable of.

I straddle his hips and disconnect our lips, and connect my lips to his body again by paying attension to his neck. He tilts his head back and to the side, giving me more access. I appear to of found his sweet spot because he lets out a small groan as I suck on it.

He lets me work my magic on his neck for a little bit, but I can tell how he is itching to take control, as his hands keep twitching and he keeps tensing up every now and then.

All of a sudden he flips us around and he straddles my hips, pinning my hands down to the bed with his hands.

“Never took you for a dominant person.” He muses as he gets to know my collarbones.

“You also took me for an emo 16 year old, I guess your predictions are wrong.” I reply, pausing slightly in the middle when he sucks on my exposed cleavage.

“I can predict that I could have you screaming my name if I had the chance.” He says in my ear.

“You better show me what those guitarist fingers can do then.” I whisper back.

He breaks away from me and smiles, before he crashes his lips against mine and his hands travel.

***

“That was fun.” Michael says as he catches his breath.

“Yeah.” I nod in agreement as Michael’s arm tightens around me.

We continue to just lay down, enjoying each others presence, and welcoming the silence whilst we think about what just happened. We didn’t go all the way, we just returned favours, shall I say.

“I could get used to this.” Michael sighs.

“Then let yourself.” I tell him and his hand pauses on making random shapes on my collar bone.

“I think- I think I will.” He smiles down at me. “Let me take you out.”

“Okay Clifford, I’ll let you take me out on Friday.” I say.

“Thank you.” He smiles and presses his lips against mine in a short kiss.

“I think we should probably get back to the party.” I remind him.

“Probably.” He nods and places a tender kiss on my neck before getting up.

I follow his actions and head towards the mirror, fixing my make up slightly and brushing my hair.

“You ready?” Michael asks as I stand next to him, and he wraps an arm around my waist.

“Yeah.” I nod and we kiss one final time before we disconnect from each other.

“Okay then.” He gestures for me to go out the door and lead the way.

“Ah, there you guys are!” My dad greets us.

“Hello, I was showing Michael my CD collection and stuff.” I tell him. “Having a nice birthday?”

“It’s been great so far.” He replies.

Us three all drift into a conversation about music, and joke around a little, before he gets called over by my mum.

“Bye guys, I’ll talk to you later.” He smiles and walls away.

“You wanna sit down over there?” Michael asks and nods over behind me, to the places where the rest of his band is and two of my cousin’s are.

“Sure.” I respond and we walk over.

“Hey.” I wave and sit down in one of the chairs.

“Hello.” They all greet us.

“Where have you been?” Calum asks with a smirk.

“My bedroom.” I say and put my foot on the small garden furniture table.

“Oh really?” His smirk widens.

“Not like that.” Michael laughs. “She was showing me her CD collection and we just talked a little.”

“Hey, Y/N, play something.” My brother interrupts us as he brings me an acoustic guitar, although I’m glad we dodged that bullet.

“Why me?” I ask in annoyance.

“Because you’re the only one I know who can play.” He says which makes Luke, Michael, and one of my cousins cough.

“Shut up, just play.” He chuckles.

“Fine.” I shrug taking it from him, and Jacob sits down in one of the spare chairs. “Any requests?”

“Play Fake Plastic Trees.” Jacob tells me.

“Is this the only reason you asked me to play something?” I ask as I check if it’s tune.

“Maybe, but it’s a really good song.” Jacob pleads.

“But it’s not just a guitar that goes to it.” I reason with him.

“Haven’t you got it recorded on your phone?” He questions.

“Oh yeah, good call.”

I pull my phone out my phone and see if I have it saved, it turns out I do.

“Okay then, I’ll play it.”

Placing my fingers on the right frets and I begin.

“Her green plastic watering can For her fake Chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself

It wears her out, it wears her out It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man A cracked polystyrene man Who just crumbles and burns He used to do surgery For girls in the eighties But gravity always wins

It wears him out, it wears him out It wears him out, it wears him out

She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love But I can’t help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling If I just turn and run

It wears me out, it wears me out It wears me out, it wears me out

If I could be who you wanted If I could be who you wanted all the time

All the time… All the time…”

“Wow, thats a very sad song.” Ashton says.

“What’s it about?” Luke asks.

“I feel as if music can be interpreted in different ways, for me, I was having one of those late night conversations with a friend about random things, and fakness came up, and for me, the song simply focuses on the fact that the artificialness of the world will wear you out in the end. I use examples like plastic surgeons, fake plants and of course fake love, like marriage based on money or looks. It’s depressing but it can be very true. Your job, your home, and even your love can be based on something completely fake. There is a love part to it, but it’s not crucial, but it’s a song so you can make it into anything you want.” I explain.

“How old is the song?” Calum questions.

“I wrote it when I was 16 or 17, that’s kinda why the love part isn’t crucial, because I wasn’t experienced and I didn’t even know what love felt like. I wrote it at a time in my life when I was very sad.”

“I haven’t heard it in a while, and the lyrics came into my head, so that’s why I came over here.” Jacob steers the conversation away.

“I would love to hear every song you’ve written suddenly.” Luke chuckles.

“At least read them.” Ashton adds.

“She never lets anyone read her notebooks, I read part of it one time and she didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks.” Jacob laughs.

“Oh really?” Michael smirks making me look at him, giving him a warning glare.

That’s how the rest of our night goes on, talking about stuff, Michael and I giving each other sneaky glances or finding ways to touch each other affectionately, playing music, and getting to know the other boys until iy got dark, not knowing what the future holds for us, but all I can do is hope it works out in my favour.

Little did I know that I’d end up being late to Michael and I’s first date, but there were going to be many dates after that to make up for it.

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