#(like..that's not how this works. homophobia that's informed by someone's asexuality is still homophobia) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lightsandlostbells · 4 years

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 2 reaction

In this episode, stuff ... happens ... in theory? Reminder again that negative opinions lie within, don’t read if you would prefer not to hear them.

EPISODE 2

Clip 1 - Morning after housewarming party

Zoë shows Robbe around the kitchen the night after the party, Senne goes off to “drink coffee in a clean room - it wasn’t my party” so there’s a moment of awkwardness with Zoë, I guess? I will say this: I’m not a Noorhelm fan, but I don’t mind seeing them being actually domestic instead of pointless drama, and while I don’t want the season to focus a ton on it, I don’t mind seeing drama that’s more grounded and less terrible than William and all the Nikolai rape response stuff.

A random dude who’s a one-night stand of Milan’s appears in the kitchen and Robbe and Zoë giggle. I was going to say that I wish Robbe appeared maybe a little more thrown/uncomfortable with it, or awkward, but then you can see him looking at the guy … considering … like maybe “hey I liked seeing that dude in his underwear” or just “hmmm wonder what it would be like to have a one-night stand with a man … gay thoughts can’t catch me” so like. An actual good moment! If they had combined this into episode 1, it would’ve really worked well and got us into Robbe’s attraction to men right off the bat.

But hey, both can happen! Show Robbe as awkward when confronted with proof of Milan’s gayness, yes sir there is man-fucking happening under this roof, and then at the end, have his discomfort turn to slight interest at the dude in his underwear. Robbe is conflicted in that he’s not comfortable with all this gay stuff, but at the same time, he can’t help but be intrigued.

On the one hand I think it helps to have the Isak more socially isolated at the start, but I do think Robbe and Zoë are really cute pals so far.

Clip 2 - Robbe and Noor in store (heh)

Robbe goes to meet Noor at work, she works in retail at a clothing store. They smile and make out. ...Why? Why is he actively pursuing her?

From a narrative perspective, pretend I don’t know where this season is going. Pretend I don’t know we are actually headed for a gay romance - which, hey, is kinda fair because we haven’t even met the male love interest yet. I am getting very mixed messages as to what Robbe wants. He seems to like this girl! But he didn’t want to have sex with her. OK… so maybe he’s asexual, or maybe he’s just not ready for sex. Maybe he feels nervous or like he has no idea what he’s doing because he’s a virgin, IDK. Perhaps we need to establish more clearly that Robbe’s hesitation in having sex or going farther with Noor is due to his lack of interest in girls, contrasted with his interest in guys.

Of course, I know internalized homophobia is a thing, and that Isak did the same thing with Emma. But consider that we actively saw how his pursuit of her clashed with his inner feelings - we saw him try to avoid her, we saw his lack of interest in the bathroom or at kosegruppa , especially compared to his interest in Even, OR when he did pursue her, we saw him pressured by his friends to attend her party, or we saw him have to psych himself up in order to speak to her. There was contrast all the time. And we also saw a clear cause and effect when Isak did pursue her: Isak was Googling about how to be into girls when you’re gay. It was very clear that Isak’s external actions were at odds with his internal desires. I’m not saying that we need wtFOCK to spell out the same for Robbe. HOWEVER, we do need more to go off, because otherwise this reads as a teenage boy who likes a girl, but who isn’t super into sex with her, which could result from several reasons other than him being gay.

And yeah, there are a few moments where we tentatively broach the topic of gayness. But not many! As I mentioned previously those moments are also muddled with other issues, like the guys ditching Robbe for the girls is muddled with him being sad about his mom. Him apologizing to Milan is muddled with what could genuinely be an awkward moment, like Robbe could hypothetically be a straight dude who didn’t have the best reaction to a guy trying to kiss him? It seems like the most definitive evidence of Robbe being gay was in previous seasons, not this one.

But they’re making it feel like Robbe really likes Noor. They’re not selling me on where Robbe is in his journey. Is he trying to act straight for an audience, as Isak did? That makes no sense when he’s going out with Noor on his own, with none of his boys around. Is he in denial? Is he trying to act straight for his own sake? That makes more sense, but that’s when I really need more introspective Robbe POV. And I’m a big fan of show don’t tell, yet Isak’s season managed to be so subtle about it while making it obvious what his deal was, infusing every clip with the themes, letting us know what’s in Isak’s head. I have no idea what’s in Robbe’s head right now.

I guess maybe he went to visit Noor because Milan’s one night stand man gave him gay feelings and he needed to combat them? IDK, dude.

Anyway, Jana is there shopping and Noor drags Robbe into a changing stall, they make out, Jana interrupts to get Noor’s opinion. Robbe seems less enthusiastic but waits in the stall until Noor returns. Noor comes back in and she and Robbe make out, getting hot and heavy, borderline foreplay until Jana needs her help again. Robbe seems unenthusiastic. Noor goes back to work. Robbe gets a text from his mom asking why he doesn’t visit, does he not love her. Ouch! That’s actually a good moment for the family drama. Robbe looks conflicted.

Also, I like the shot of Robbe reflecting in the changing room mirrors.

What was the point of this scene when the EXACT SAME THING happened in the last episode, just two clips ago? Noor tries to get it on with Robbe, he’s not into it, they’re interrupted.

Was the point to have Jana there? Why is she there, anyway, is this going to be a plot point? Because she could have been the one to interrupt them last time if she needs to know about their relationship for some reason. Although everyone seems to know about Robbe/Noor getting together anyway, so ??? Was it to have someone interrupt them in the changing stall? Because that could have been any random customer who needed help. I mean, Noor’s manager could have yelled for her to come help with something.

The only thing that’s really different about this clip was the text from his mom, which could have occurred in ANY setting, like in the kitchen scene with Zoë.

Jana could have been there to reference her previous suspicion of Robbe’s sexuality, like she sees him and Noor and we can tell she doesn’t fully buy their relationship. But that doesn’t come through in the acting (no disrespect to the actress, because that is all on the director to come up with that angle). Or maybe Jana calling for Noor to help her could have seemed more calculated, like maybe Robbe seemed awkward with Noor, she picked up on that, and now she’s trying to help him out.

A small POV moment: we don’t need to see Jana and Noor outside the changing stall. It’s not necessary, their conversation has zero importance (like was this an ad for this clothing store or....) What would have been effective? Sitting with Robbe inside the stall, focusing on his miserable reaction, seeing him trying to psych himself up for Noor makeouts. We hear Jana and Noor talking outside the stall but it comes across as distant and detached - which is what Robbe is feeling.

Clip 3 - Robbe goes to see his mom

We see Robbe in the hallway of the hospital - an actual good moment, potentially. He apologizes to Noor via text for leaving suddenly. She’s working, dude, you shouldn’t be there anyway.

I don’t mind Robbe meeting with his mom, that could be very good, but it’s also such a radical change that I hope they actually do something with it. If Robbe is willing to visit his mom in a mental health facility, then is he more informed about mental illness in general, and how will that affect his relationship with the Even? Etc. This is actually a big change from Isak’s attitudes about mental illness, and it doesn’t make as much sense for Robbe to parrot those same ignorant attitudes later. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Robbe gets home from meeting with his mom. He tries to dodge Zoë’s questions about it, but she says, “You can try it with Jens and them, but not with me.” Well, on the one hand, I like Zoë and this is a nice relationship. On the other hand … uhhh, how close are she and Robbe yet, really? They’re getting friendly but are they at this level?

Robbe is like, you don’t know how long this has been going on and Zoë apologizes. I do like that Zoë doesn’t really know what’s up and is giving him kinda generic advice? But also … I think part of the power of the Magnus talk was that Isak had been keeping the extent of his mom issues and his issues with mentally ill people to himself, when all this time he had a friend who understood. One of S3′s lessons for Isak was about opening up to people - that he wasn’t alone - and Magnus’ insight into having a mentally ill parent is one of the ways that lesson proves itself. For Robbe to be getting a pep talk about supporting mentally ill people so early on in the season seems like it could potentially undermine both the arc with his mother AND his relationship with Even, like … he’s had someone counseling him on dealing with mentally ill people all along, before he even meets his Even. I mean, Zoë basically gives the Sonja talk here. And now he’s also been in regular contact with his mentally ill mom. So while of course he can still have serious issues with mentally ill people, it does present quite differently from someone who’s been keeping them at arm’s length, like Isak. You have to account for that. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Milan comes in with his boytoy, Milan sprays whipped cream in his man’s mouth, they kiss. This was done well, actually, because Robbe is shown in between them, and we see him taking them in, like … huh, two men kissing! Interesting!

Robbe has a Moment and Zoë asks Milan and the guy to stop with the PDA. He calls out her hypocrisy since she’s always making out with Senne. (He’s right based on what we saw of them earlier.)

OK, Senne opening his mouth so Milan can spray whipped cream inside is actually adorable, and I kinda dig having an Eskild and a William interact in an affectionate way.

Robbe watches the men kissing again, hmmmm. Good job, this is what we need from his POV.

Senne is leaving to go hang out with his pal. Zoë seems kinda sad he’s not eating with them. I mean all things considered, taking it at face value so far, this seems like normal couple shit and not something to make a big deal out of. Things change when you move in together or when one of you goes to university, duh. Not that it’s bad to explore this, just that it’s not a huge cause for concern yet.

I laughed because the subs say that Zoë describes the salad as “lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese” and that is definitely not what we see on screen. But at least Zoë being fussy over what Robbe eats is some good characterization, it makes sense for her.

Clip 4 - Skate park

The boys are talking about how to jerk off with a numb hand. Robbe shares a Look with a dude who walks by, Now that definitely is the Even, right? Unless they were just messing with audience expectations? (EDIT from the future: Looks like Sander to me, but I don’t know what the audience consensus is.)

Jens recommends jerking off with toothpaste … okay as a non-dick haver I cannot vouch for this but. I feel like this would lead to Bad Things. Aaron’s reaction of clutching his crotch seems apt.

Is bike dude the Even instead???

OK LMAO NO, IT’S NOOR, I couldn’t tell because of the distance at first and also because my visual processing skills are not the greatest.

See, it would’ve been better if it were the Even. Because I thought they were grilling Robbe on having sex with Noor while his attention kept drifting back to the guy on the bike, which is decent storytelling and communicates where his interest really is ... but it’s actually Noor so there’s none of that subtext there.

Robbe rushing to make out with Noor can at least be interpreted as him wanting to show off for the boys. Moyo wants to join in? Hmmmm.

You dumbasses KNOW you interrupted the sex, weirdos.

Wait, so ... what was the point of this scene?

I’m not trying to be funny, I’m asking seriously. Everything in this scene was either irrelevant to the overall story OR something that had already been established, such as Robbe’s awkwardness about sex with Noor ... or the fact that he’s with Noor ... the boys knowing that he’s dating Noor? About the only thing that was new to this clip was the brief glance between Robbe and the mystery dude, something that could have been included in another clip. Are we setting up that Moyo is interested in Noor? Maybe they get together after Robbe breaks up with her? (EDIT from the future: no) Or there’s a dramatic scene where Jens is rushed to the hospital after a toothpaste-related dick mishap? (EDIT from the future: no, although it would have improved the season immensely)

Clip 5 - Seaside arrangements

So I guess the boy squad makes YouTube videos or w/e?

Aaron’s happy to see Amber approach. Amber asks if Noor is coming to the seaside. So what, is there a joint girl and boy squad beach trip or whatever? The seaside trip is to hook up, I guess.

God, I would actually kinda dig Aaron and Luca as a couple more than Aaron and Amber.

Robbe looks bummed that Noor will be joining them, and at the prospect of “sex on the beach” so hurrah for that detail.

Err, kinda weird, though, that the point of this clip seems to be nagging Robbe into inviting Noor (which is fine, a way to communicate his discomfort and the fact that he’s in too deep with Noor) but then at the end Amber is like oh nm, Britt already asked Noor and she’s coming? So the whole bit with nagging Robbe ... did not matter. I think it would have worked better either way: Robbe is peer pressured into inviting the girl he didn’t want to go, OR Robbe is powerless to prevent the girl he doesn’t want to go from coming with them. It just feels like this is unfocused writing by trying to have it both ways.

So will the YouTube thing be plot relevant?

Clip 6 - Boy squad and Noor in hallway

12:21, I see what you did there. Maybe.

Noor is handing out flyers for a school performance, she kisses Robbe. WAY TOO MUCH TIME IS SPENT ON NOOR AND ROBBE.

If I were watching this show with NO prior knowledge of this storyline, I think I would feel so unbalanced when Even comes around? Even with the previous hints about Robbe from earlier seasons.

Robbe is like, I don’t think this dance is for me, while the boys look around. Uhhh, I mean … if this is supposed to be the equivalent of Emma’s pre-drink, it’s stupid? Getting invited to drink with a girl you made out with once =/= getting invited to a dance performance by a girl you are clearly dating and making out with every opportunity. One of these is clearly a bigger deal. I get that Robbe isn’t into her (SUPPOSEDLY) but this is just a weird way to adapt that scene. He’s not trying to shake off someone he regrets making out with; this is someone he is actively instigating makeouts with, so why the sudden regret? I guess it’s because now he doesn’t want to go to the seaside with her? But he just kissed her two seconds ago! Either Robbe is trying to get out of his thing with Noor, in which case we should see him being awkward when she tries to kiss him - not smiling and touching her as he does - or he’s still fully on board trying to date Noor, in which case why wouldn’t he agree to go to her dance performance?

And the other guys are like, AGHAST because obviously they want to watch hot girls dance. So it is a direct adaptation of that Emma scene. Except it doesn’t make sense.

Also, Robbe is rude and dismissive to Noor about it, and she walks away with a frown, but that doesn’t make sense with his characterization so far!!! Because there is NO evidence of him being a fuckboy in this season, so far he’s honestly been pretty chill and sweet with Noor (visiting her at her work, etc.) and he keeps actively engaging with her on a level that Isak was not doing with Emma. I GUESS you could extrapolate to say he wants to turn her off so he doesn’t have to go to the seaside with her and bang her, but lmao, that’s me giving way more credit to the writing than is merited, and again, makes no sense considering he seemed perfectly fine with kissing her just now.

Or he tried to get out of it because dance sucks and men don’t go to dance performances? IDK, dude. I have a hard time following the logic of this scene based on what we know about Robbe and Robbe/Noor so far.

The boys talk Robbe into going because it’s his duty to help them get pussy. What charmers.

Actually, this is also dumb because they could just go to the dance performance themselves? Emma was clearly inviting Isak to her private party and the others were only invited by proxy, so Isak agreeing to go was a requirement for the other boys to attend. But in this situation, Noor is passing out flyers to everyone walking by, and the dance performance is a school function for anyone to attend, so who gives a shit if Robbe wants to go or not? They’ve already established they’re cool with ditching him to chase girls, they can just go without him if he’s being a sourpuss. I guess they need him to be the bridge between them and Noor’s hot dance friends.

Noor comes back and is happy they’re going.

Clip 7 - Milan pranks Senne

Zoë complains about Senne coming home and snoring all night, and like, lmao, that’s charming, but also … that’s just part of being in a relationship and living with people, lol. If snoring is your biggest concern, YOU ARE DOING FINE. You’re young and figuring out how to live together. You’ll be fine.

There was probably Discourse about Milan getting “revenge” by hopping into bed with Senne, and I get it but I’m tired, dawg. Let’s just acknowledge this is hinky and leave it at that.

Senne freaks out when he kisses Milan by mistake. Zoë and Robbe laugh. Missed opportunity to show us a more complex reaction from Robbe! Gay shit keeps happening around Robbe and sometimes he has a reaction with serious thought behind it, and something it just happens, no big deal, ha ha. When the main arc for your protagonist of this season has to do with accepting his sexuality, why are you half-assing this stuff?

What is the point of this clip if we’re not getting some insight into Robbe’s POV? It’s cute that we’re getting to know the roommate dynamic, I guess. Upcoming drama with Zoë and Senne? No need for that to be its own clip instead of part of something relevant to Robbe himself. Milan likes getting revenge, as foreshadowing to an absolutely atrocious clip that happens later in the season?

Robbe considers Milan … I think? Frankly they make this seem like buildup to Robbe having a crush on Milan. I guess he’s supposed to be like, whoa, what a bold gay guy! He kisses boys!

I mean … I don’t really know what’s going through Robbe’s head. I don’t want to be spoon fed information, but I also kinda need to know what Robbe is thinking and feeling if this story is to make any impact on me. And I think I just don’t know where Robbe is at with his sexuality. It feels like maybe he’s tiptoeing into the realization that he’s into guys? Isak knew he was gay, he just tried to perform heterosexuality due to social pressure and internalized homophobia. Robbe does not seem like he knows. Which is … kinda off, because I’ve seen S1, I know he’s got some suspicion. It’s just feeling inconsistent.

Clip 8 - Sleeping arrangements

They arrive at the seaside, there’s a room with two single beds pushed together for the couples, like Robbe and Noor. He doesn’t seem too thrilled about that!

Moyo manages to make it an empty room for whoever wants to fuck, inadvertently helping his bro out.

Except Noor shows up and decides to sleep in the same bed as Robbe anyway.

Are Moyo and Luca going to hook up, is that where their banter is heading? Who are the boys hoping to hook up with, anyway? Because the only single women on this trip appear to be Jana, Amber, and Luca. Aaron is into Amber, and I guess Jens might want to hook up with Jana again??? But who is Moyo considering? I suppose there are other girls in the area who are not specifically with their group.

Clip 9 - Robbe and Noor scene #26232452634

Zoë texts Senne she misses him, and he’s like #metoo, which is … lmao, MEN.

Amber is like, lol men. Please be gay, Amber!!!!

She shows Zoë a pic of Senne on Insta, he’s having a good time, Amber tries to start some shit … GOD I ALREADY DON’T CARE

I mean, the thing is … I can get into couples’ mundane problems! But not when it’s a het couple having boring het drama in a season that’s supposed to be focused on a gay storyline with a primary gay romance that hasn’t even started yet.

Zoë has a sensible reaction, that just because they’re a couple, they can still have fun and live their own lives, although it’s delivered in a way that I know she is not really okay with it.

Aaron pulls Robbe aside because Noor has passed out in the grass. Noor pulls Robbe down to cuddle with him. He’s kinda ehhh about it, they make out, Noor is ready to bone. Robbe is not into it. She’s about to give him a handjob in the grass (like … within eyesight of their friends) when she pukes, a physical manifestation of Robbe’s feelings about sexy times with Noor. He wipes grass/puke/whatever off her face while she lies there, out of it. (Roll her onto her side, Robbe!)

What a pointless, redundant clip. What is going on?

TWO WHOLE EPISODES IN and we haven’t met Even yet … okay.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THE EPISODE:

This question is hard because already they need a major overhaul. “Everything” is a copout answer.

So first of all… repetitive as fuck clips. Three clips in two episodes where Noor makes out with Robbe, they almost get sexy, he’s not into it, and then something totally unrelated interrupts the attempt. Even apart from the pointlessness and boredom of watching the same thing happen over and over again … I think you can get away with ONE example of this. ONE example of this scene where random happenstances stop the hetero sex from going down (ha). One example is perfectly fine.

It’s not even just that it’s redundant. It’s also that, so far, it’s random chance stopping Robbe from having sex with a girl. It’s not his own character actions (or his inaction). It’s very passive on his part, which is understandable for someone who is afraid of his true sexuality and is trying to go with the flow. But he cannot hope that his friends walk in, or Jana needs help, or Noor throws up, every fucking time he gets close to having sex with a girl.

Basically the narrative is contriving to save him. It’s not Robbe making a choice to stop the sex. It’s not even Robbe letting it happen and letting that have some emotional consequences. It’s out of his hands. These clips are both preventing him from making an active choice as a character, while also not letting him deal with the emotional fallout or consequences of sleeping with a girl. And I don’t WANT Robbe to sleep with a girl! But for fuck’s sake, if you keep having this same scene play out, with Robbe not stopping it, and only random interruptions rescuing him … either stop this tedious shit, or let it have an impact on his character already.

I don’t care about Zoë and Senne’s boring mundane drama taking such precedence in Robbe’s season. If it happens, it should be more relevant and parallel to Robbe’s personal problems! It would make more sense later on when Robbe is struggling with his relationship with Sander.

Here’s an idea to make the retail clip count. We see Robbe getting conflicted about Milan’s gay hookup. Have Robbe go to visit Noor to apologize for getting nervous and running off last night, have him bullshit about wanting to take things slow with her, etc. However, while he’s at the store, he sees, IDK, a hot dude picking out clothes, or a hot dude trying on stuff in the changing room, and he’s into it, you see him get nervous. He checks out the hot male models in the ads. Maybe Noor works with lingerie and we see Robbe looking at all the bras and underwear with this expression of “Am I supposed to be into this?” I think the scene is overall rather redundant and could probably be clipped, but with some tweaks, you can highlight the contrast in Robbe’s attraction to men and his attempts to appear/be into women.

I mentioned this above, but you could also make Jana’s presence in the store matter instead of feeling like something random. She makes small talk with him about him being into Noor, in a way that the audience recall Robbe’s browser history from S1 - we can tell she’s very skeptical of his interest in Noor, and maybe Robbe is trying to appear sincere about being into Noor but it’s not totally convincing. Then when Noor is trying to get hot and heavy with Robbe, Jana intervenes and we can tell it’s because she’s trying to subtly save Robbe.

The Even should be introduced already. Come on.

I’m not just saying that as an Evak shipper and an Even fan. I am saying that because Even essentially kicks Isak’s arc into motion. He is the catalyst for Isak confronting his sexuality, for reassessing his feelings on mentally ill people, for basically all of his character development. Right now we have two episodes of Robbe treading water, basically. Dating Noor is treading water. It’s fine to show that Robbe is stuck in a rut - we saw that with Isak - but the difference is that something - someone - showed up to get Isak out of that rut pretty early on. It’s not just about wanting the uwu Evak moments, it’s about wanting the narrative to actually start going somewhere, for Robbe’s character to start developing, etc.

That said, we do need to get to know Even as a character. We need to root for Robbe/Even’s relationship. Delaying that means risking that both the character and the relationship will not feel sufficiently developed.

There’s especially no reason to have this much emphasis on Noor/Robbe, a relationship that is by design meant to be fake, versus Robbe/his Even, a relationship that is meant to be authentic.

Actually, where is the tension? Only from Robbe not wanting to fuck Noor.

There are two plot threads so far that have of any weight for our main character: Robbe’s sexuality, and Robbe’s relationship with his parents. Both of them seem somewhat muddled.

It’s funny because … even many of the smaller things from Skam S3 that caused conflict are absent here?? No Isak vs. Sana and the blackmail over the weed. No kosegruppa causing annoyance to Isak. Conflict is a GOOD THING in storytelling. It provides direction for the narrative, it provides incentive to keep watching.

So here’s how I would include the Even into this episode, other than simply redoing the OG storyline:

In line with the mystery man from my episode 1 rewrite suggestion, Robbe spends the week wondering about the mystery man. Maybe we see him keeping an eye out for guys he thinks might be The One. Maybe the equivalent of the Talk Show Host scene is Robbe seeing a dude who he thinks is the Even, but it turns out to be a false alarm, and we see his hope and interest followed by his disappointment. We feel this, too! Because we’re wondering when the hell we will see the mystery guy again. Robbe asks Noor oh so casually if she knows any of the tagging people and where to find them. Robbe happens to go to the spot where he thinks the Even might be (like maybe he’s “casually” hanging there or snooping around when he gets the text from his mom, and decides to leave to visit with her). Robbe tries to dig around social media for clues but is frustrated with his lack of information since he’s going on basically nothing. Red herrings galore. Essentially, play with how the original episode 2 showed Isak developing a crush on Even. The point is that Robbe is intrigued and desperately wants to find this guy. I mean, maybe even add a concrete element to this search! Maybe the dude dropped something of his when he and Robbe met (a piece of jewelry, a glove, IDK. Something unique, something that gives us an insight into the Even’s character) and Robbe’s “search” for the dude is on the surface so he can return this item, but obviously it’s not just about that, and we see Robbe treasuring this item and keeping it close or w/e.

Meanwhile, Robbe’s interest in men overall is becoming more evident, in how he reacts to Milan and his hookup, or maybe checking out dudes at Noor’s store. When he shows up at her workplace, it’s so he can casually ask about people she knows from the tagging scene, and oh, does she recognize this glove? This gives him a motive to meet up with her besides just wanting to make out, and he’s uncomfortable when the meeting takes that turn.

And then … he’s SUPPOSED to go to the seaside on Friday, but instead Robbe just happens to run into the mystery man! His Even! Butterflies! He returns the item to Even and the Even is happy he got it back (and maybe far down the line we’ll learn that the Even left it behind on purpose, kinda like how Even was interested in Isak all along. Those Evens, so crafty.) And Robbe lies about being sick or something and skips on the trip, and hangs out with Even, and we get a scene similar to the OG where they bond and get to know each other, but obviously not word for word, centered around their own personalities. He’s having a great time, but then it turns out that the Even has a girlfriend, obviously. Everyone else is pissed that Robbe ditched them. You know how it goes. It doesn’t have to be an exact mirror of this S2 clip, but I do strongly think we need to advance this part of the storyline by this point.

Jumping forward in time: I know that Robbe meets his Even at the seaside, so you could also just, you know. Bounce that up a bit. Work in all the other ~mystery stuff and maybe Robbe is feeling disheartened and accepting that he’s just not gonna see that guy again, he goes to the seaside as planned. But holy shit, he arrives and That Guy is there! Just when he thought all hope was lost!

Imagine if the Even had left behind, like, a scarf, and Robbe started to wear it, and he was wearing it at the seaside when they meet again. Juicy stuff.

Add more reactions from Robbe toward Milan and his date. Sometimes he’s chill about gay stuff and sometimes he’s a little more hesitant. It feels very inconsistent. There are big opportunities to show Robbe’s issues with his sexuality but the show is sliding right by them.

This is more thinking ahead, but the boys’ YouTube channel should ideally play some part in Robbe’s coming out journey. (And no, I don’t count that shitty Milan prank clip as a payoff for the boys’ YouTube channel, fuck that.) I’m not sure, what, exactly - I don’t think Robbe is the type of guy to post a coming out video and it doesn’t seem like it’d be a fit for their channel. Maybe just use the channel as a way to indicate Robbe’s comfort with being publicly in a relationship with a boy. Like at an earlier part of the season, the squad is going to do some prank and Sander is like, haha, sounds fun, can I join? And Robbe tries to keep Sander away, by making an excuse or telling the boys that he doesn’t want Sander involved, because it’s implied that he’s scared of people realizing that he and Sander have a Thing. Then later on, after Robbe comes out to everyone and is openly in a relationship with Sander, there’s a video about something else but he and Sander are casually cuddling in the background or whatever.

My big problems are the lack of focus and the bad pacing. Skam S3 has a clear mission statement, a goal. There’s an endgame in mind and each clip takes a step toward that endgame. Julie Andem knew Isak’s character arc and each clip advances a part of his journey. wtFOCK so far doesn’t seem to know what to do with Robbe. Or rather, they have like two ideas - Robbe doesn’t want to fuck Noor and Robbe is sad about his mom - but no clue about how to use those ideas to advance the story, and they seem to be dawdling instead of making the most out of a finite amount of screen time.

#wtfock reactions

28 notes · View notes

braincoins · 4 years

Text

I started to put this in the tags of that other post but realized that wasn’t the place for it, because that post is specifically about the biphobic nonsense of “Are you really bi if you’re in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex?” (the answer is yes, shut the fuck up)

And I didn’t want to distract from that point because it’s an important point, but it stems from what I started to babble about, which is this notion that HETEROSEXUAL = BAD.

I know that if someone is heterosexual/romantic and cisgendered and in a relationship with another heterosexual/romantic and cisgendered person of the opposite sex, that they are not queer.

But, especially here on Tumblr, I keep seeing sneaky tendrils of STRAIGHT = BAD which is bullshit that I, as a biromantic asexual, have written about before. I catch only glimmers because I’m actually pretty strict about restricting my content here on the blue hellsite, but I still see some of it.

STRAIGHT = BAD is TERF nonsense, people. It’s white feminism nonsense, too, because PoC need romance in any and all flavors, thank you very much. And, yes, it’s often bi/pan/acephobic. I’m a white cis ace married to a white straight man (though he does really like Matt Damon... perhaps too much? Hmmm...). Y’all would throw me/us out of Pride in a heartbeat for “not being queer,” despite my ace t-shirts and the ace pride necklace I wear EVERY DAY. Hell, I even got my medical information bracelet in ace colors... or as close I could, anyway.

I’ve been called “homophobic” for shipping a canonically gay character with a woman because I headcanoned him (from before the gay reveal) as Bi. Yet the same people will whip around and ship a male character who’s only ever shown interest in women - and who was canonically romantically involved with a female character - with another male character, and claim, “Oh, it works ‘cause he’s Bi.”

That’s biphobia edging into STRAIGHT= BAD territory right there. “It’s okay to make a Straight Character Bi in fanfiction, as an excuse to ship him with another guy, but it’s NOT okay to make a Gay Character Bi in fanfiction while shipping him with a woman.” It’s sort of like how misogyny leads into homophobia: women are bad, therefore a man who “acts like a woman” is bad, too. Same thing. Straight people are bad, therefore a “bi” person who’s in a “straight” relationship is bad, too. THEY AREN’T IN “STRAIGHT” RELATIONSHIP. My straight husband is in a queer relationship because he is married to me, a queer woman. FULL STOP. And the policing that goes on in fanfiction... [rolls eyes] Let me tell you some things: A) You can do whatever you want in fanfiction. That’s why it’s fanfiction. You can ignore canon sexuality entirely if you want.

B) Are you really making the Straight Character “Bi” or are you making him “Bi but ‘technically’ Gay” which is... not a thing? Bi is not some stepping stone identity until you figure out whether you’re gay or straight. People don’t stop being Bi once they figure out which sex they’re gonna settle down with. (Also, gender binary much?)

C) FANFICTION IS NOT THE ONLY MEDIA IN THE WORLD. And, hell, as media goes, fanfiction is almost overwhelmingly made by women and/or queer authors. If you’re bagging on fanfic authors because of what they ship/write, just face the fact that you’re only going after the small fish because you can’t take on the big ones - television shows, movies, comics, and professional novels - and you want to throw your weight around.

D) JUST. LET. PEOPLE. BE. HAPPY. This is what I was going to tag-babble about on the biphobia post. If you see a woman who is happy with her male partner? BE HAPPY FOR HER. You don’t need to know if she’s bi or pan or trans or WHATEVER. JUST FUCKING LET HER BE HAPPY. Don’t tell her she’s “not really bi” if she’s in love with a dude. Don’t tell her that male/female relationships are inherently unbalanced and unhealthy. Don’t ask her how many women she’s been with, or go through her fanfic preferences with a fine-tooth comb looking for “proof” that she’s “queer enough.”

Look, I also make jokes about “the straights.” I also roll my eyes about “men.” Hell, I even catch myself “being White.” (I mean, I’m always white, but sometimes I am WHITE, y’know what I mean?) And it’s true that Straight White Men are responsible for so much of what is WRONG in our culture.

But there is such a thing as throwing the baby out with the bathwater. So I’ma say it again:

HETERONORMATIVITY IS BAD. The idea that you SHOULD be straight, that it’s the default, that anything outside of Male + Female is a perversion? THAT’S THE BAD STUFF. HETEROSEXUALITY IS NOT BAD. Especially when we’re talking about, oh, just off the top of my head, a black woman being shown as strong and powerful but ALSO being in a loving, consenting mutual relationship with a male partner. That shit is old hat for white women, who definitely need more “I don’t need to be married to a man to prove my worth” storylines, but for black women and other WoC, they don’t often get to see healthy, loving relationships with characters who look like them.

Getting this through our heads won’t fix ALL the biphobia, of course, but it’ll help.

#Socks babbles #long post #biphobia #heterosexuality #heteronormativity #IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO GATEKEEP THE ENTIRE WORLD #let people do what they want and what makes them happy #if you think the male partner is BAD for the bi woman because you've seen red flags that's one thing #if you think she's not 'bi' or 'queer' enough anymore because she's in love with a dude?#FUCK OFF

32 notes · View notes

hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

Text

When we say something is biphobic, what do we mean? Many people are familiar with homophobia, but is there a specific different 'biphobia'? And do bisexuals face homophobia too?

Teenagers calling things they don't like "gay". Musicians writing lyrics urging the killing of "faggots". People using sexuality as a slur in the press. We're all increasingly familiar with what is meant by 'homophobia'.

The lobby group Stonewall defines homophobia as:

Homophobia is the irrational hatred, intolerance, and fear of lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) people.

These negative feelings fuel the myths, stereotypes, and discrimination that can lead to violence against LGB people.

From www.stonewall.org

What many people don't expect, and the above definition does set out, is that bisexual people suffer from homophobia too. The idea that identifying as bisexual is a way to avoid homophobia, or easier/safer than coming out as gay is a myth.

The people who hate us don't distinguish between us. In fact it's entirely possible to be discriminated against and bullied for being gay without actually being LGBT at all - it's about the perception (here's an example - Stephen English) that the bullies have of us. We're "wrong", "unnatural", "filthy". These people often don't distinguish between homosexuality and bisexuality - it's "not-heterosexual" and therefore to be feared, hated, distrusted. As a blanket term, some people prefer "heterosexism", and instead of biphobia "monosexism", but these aren't in common useage - perhaps because 'homophobia' is so widely known but also because they aren't as clear: 'monosexism' sounds like a version of sexism (maybe for people who believe there's only one gender?) whereas 'biphobia' is clearer that it relates to bi people.

In homophobic environments, whether schools or offices or households, bisexual people are scared to come out, because they'll be seen as "them" and "other".

There's an International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia every May 17th.

How is Biphobia different?

But as bisexuals we face biphobia too, both from people that are homophobic and from ones who aren't. It's possible to be biphobic without being homophobic, as sayings like "you're either straight, gay or lying" make clear.

Our Bisexual FAQ tackles the most common myths about bisexuality, each of them is a biphobic statement. And people who subscribe to these are discriminating against bisexuals.

If, for example, bisexuals are unable to make up their minds, or commit to being 'straight' or 'gay', how can we be sure they're certain about other things? If saying we are bisexual is seen as a denial, what else are we lying about?

This is why these seemingly innoccuous statements like "People just say they're bi to appear cool" are harmful - they don't just upset us when we hear them but they damage other people's attitudes to us on other topics. People who perceive us as being confused, or in denial or lying about our sexuality think we're the sort of people who get confused, get into denial or are comfortable with lying. Should they ask a bisexual to commit to a project, they can't even commit to a sexuality! Should they ask us how we feel about another topic, when we can't even get our heads straight on our own sexuality!

Biphobic attitudes from gay and lesbian people have made many bisexuals unwilling to come out to them, preferring to remain 'under the radar' and pass as lesbian or gay in just the same way that other people pass as 'straight'.

A lot of this website deals with spotting biphobia, but these two pages are the best place to read up on it:

Our Bisexuality FAQ lists the main biphobic myths

The most common myth is "It's Just A Phase" - when a celebrity comes out as gay they are trumpeted in the press but when they come out as bi it's often that they are "allegedly bisexual" or "now says she's bisexual", because everyone knows bisexuality is a phase, is just confusion.

Bisexual erasure is rampant. We're gay when we have same-sex partners, straight when we have different-sex ones. (Yet, oddly, neither gay nor straight people become asexual when single). As soon as a previously thought-of as "straight" celebrity has come out as bi and they're then seen with someone of the same-sex, it's described as a "gay fling" or they've got a "lesbian crush".

We've always been a part of the LGBT scene (the first ever Gay Pride festival anywhere was the idea of a US bisexual activist - Brenda Howard) but the assumption that everyone there is homosexual, and the attitudes towards bisexuals, keep our achievements silenced and pushed down. As recently as 2010, London's LGBT Pride didn't fund a bisexual working group, and listed among their event goals "fighting homophobia and transphobia" (but not biphobia, or lesbophobia).

Combating Biphobia

When we talk about fighting biphobia, it's important to realise that we need to fight homophobia too. It's no good hearing someone being homophobic and then asking them not to include you because you're "only bisexual".

We here at the Bisexual Index believe one of the main causes of prejudice is ignorance. It's important to realise that a lot of prejudice isn't conscious, it's the result of long-standing attitudes that people may not have ever dismantled and examined.

The easiest enemy to hate and fear is the enemy you never meet, like the monster under the bed. We think the best way to make the transition from "them" to "us" is to come out as bisexual. We've got a page dedicated to that if you want some advice - Coming Out as Bisexual.

Celebrities and television drama caricatures of LGBT people are easy to ridicule and feel unfamiliar to the people mocking or hating them. But when "Them" includes work-colleagues, other people at school or church, the shopkeeper, the next-door-neighbour, or even Aunty Beryl then suddenly we are a little bit less alien and removed. Suddenly we're not "Them", but a bigger and more diverse "Us".

We should also stand up to negativity. We're not undecided - we've decided on bisexual. We're not confused, except by their prejudice. "Gay sex" isn't dirty, or a sin, or spreading diseases, and nor are bisexuals spreading diseases between the perceived gay and straight communities - it's actions that spread HIV, not identities.

What if you're not bisexual? Then you can still spread the word, correct biphobic myths, and support bisexuals. Help create a positive mood, support people when they come out and don't treat them like weirdoes. (Constantly asking your bisexual work colleague for details of their wild weekends, for example. We have the same lives as everyone else! It's all X-Factor and knitting...)

Biphobia and homophobia together make our society into one where bisexual people don't want to come out, even to other LGBT folk. We need to stand up to it, we need to disprove the myths, we need to start recognising bisexuals.

I'm facing biphobia, what next?

If you find yourself the victim of harassment at work or school, please tell other people. At work you should tell your manager, union representative or HR department (who may have a contact specifically for equal opportunities issues). Stonewall has a good summary of the Employment Equality (Sexual Orientation) Regulations 2003 which we recommend reading if you find yourself being bullied or harassed at work. ACAS has some really good advice and information too.

At school we recommend talking to a teacher, but also to your parents and your friends if you're out to them - get support and don't allow the behaviour to be silently encouraged. You might also consider Schools Out which is a national charity.

In your family, tell your friends. Find a member of your family you can trust, and tell them.

You can also try local advice lines, citizen's advice bureaus, and local LGBT support groups. Maybe you have a local Bi Group you can turn to?

There's support out there when you need it. Please don't suffer in silence.

Bisexuals - We're Just Like You, Only More Bisexual!

6 notes · View notes

minnuet-archive · 4 years

Text

I’m Sorry, Logan

Rating: PG-13

Trigger Warnings: Alcoholism, suicide, abusive family, homophobia (let me know if there are any more i missed!)

Word Count: 3,754

Fan-fiction or Original Work? Original Work

Story Type: Short Story

Notes: I wrote this a while back for a book that was going to be made, but didn’t end up happening. It was about suicide awareness and the different reasons for it. There was to be informative writing about the topic and cause and then a short story. This is the short story. Also, I spent a solid hour or two revamping and editing this for you all today since I couldn’t post much about my soon to be posted book. I hope you enjoy!

I wake up to my alarm blaring in my ears. My eyelids refuse to lift, the world a blurry mess. I stumble into my uniform, the alarm still blaring. Eventually, my patience runs out and I shut off the alarm. I snatch my backpack out from the corner of my room before hastily grabbing a granola bar and running to the bus parked outside.

I jump into the bus and walk down the aisle, all of the noise, ranging from random conversation to yelling and fighting, filling my ears and overwhelming my mind. I almost want to put my hands to my ears and drown out the noise, but someone’s bound to take offense. As I sit down in a seat next to the seemingly quietest kids, the horrible stench of what are probably 10-year-old raisins with a generous side of sweaty gym socks permeates my nose. I hate the bus. I decide to try spacing out.

Arriving at school, I go into the girl’s bathroom and wait until everyone leaves. I look really weird waiting for people to leave, and I don’t care. Actually, that’s not true. I definitely care.

Once everyone’s gone, I slip out of my catholic school skirt and into far more comfortable slacks. My mother had refused to get me anything but the “girl’s” uniform which consisted of a tight, long skirt and a blouse.

I hear the bell and run to class, bursting into the classroom and sliding into my seat directly after my name is called.

“Late.” I groan and get out my homework. Why does it have to be me?

Vanessa and her friends snicker across the classroom. “Hey look, the plant’s here.”

My ears burned and I clenched my teeth. Those obnoxious jerks. I’m not a plant. “My name’s E-” My eyes widen as I catch myself. “-Ellie.”

Vanessa gasps dramatically and then says, “It can talk?!”

I don’t respond and give her what she wants, but it takes all of my strength not to. God, how am I so stupid? I don’t care if I’m using the Lord’s name in vain. I already let them know I was asexual! And if I let it slip? “My name’s Elliott.” I can only imagine the crap they’d do and say to me. What would I tell them? “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m nonbinary.” That would totally work.

I take deep breaths. I look at the teacher and then to the board, and suddenly, zoning becomes much easier. The lunch bell rings after a while and I walk towards the courtyard, finding one of the trees in the corner that no one ever sat by. It’s sad and droopy. I wish I couldn’t relate.

“Hey, Elliott!” I flinch at the noise. He smiles and sits down next to me.

I relax and say, “Hey, Logan. How was the class?”

“Class was crappy,” I crack a smile and when I do, he adds “as always. I love how you did your hair today. It’s pretty.”

My mouth goes dry and I fidget with my hands, forcing myself to smile. I shove my (sadly, homemade) peanut butter jelly sandwich into my mouth and then spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to swallow enough of it to even be able to chew.

We talk and smile, though he does most of the talking, and I force myself to listen, because he always has great things to say.

The lunch bell ringing is jarring and sudden enough to make me jump, but that isn’t saying much. I grin at Logan. “ I’ll see you tomorrow, man. Bye!”

He high fives me and starts walking towards his classroom. I walk towards mine. After Mr. Simon takes role call and I raise my hand and answer a question once, I figure I’m safe and promptly space out for the rest of the day.

The bell rings and right as I’m about to walk out of the door, I heard Mr. Simon say, “Eleanor, may I speak to you?” A collective ‘oooh’ sound comes from what’s remaining of the class, suggesting I’m in trouble, as I walk up to his desk.

“Can I help you, Mr. Simon?”

“Do you remember the dress code guidelines we went over at the beginning of the year?”

I start to panic. “Uh, yeah.”

“Then you remember that girls are to wear skirts and a blouse and that boys are to wear a button down and slacks.”

I mutter that I might remember something like that. “Why can’t I wear pants? I’m not wearing anything completely out of school uniform.”

“Yes, but we have a strict dress code and you, as a girl,” I flinch at the word girl. Of course, I can’t correct him. “are to wear a skirt. If you come to school tomorrow wearing pants, I’ll have you change back into a skirt, confiscate the pants, and then call your parents.”

I nod my head as if I understand, which I don’t, and then walk out of the classroom. I know he hates me, but I had no clue he would go to these lengths to get me in trouble. What the hell kind of person would go to the lengths of confiscating pants? None of my other teachers cared! He’s just an asshole!

I really don’t want to wear a skirt and that was only the first time I wore pants. On the other hand, I don’t want them to get taken away because I had to save up for months to get them and I really want to avoid having to deal with my parents.

As I walk home, I approach the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge and smile. It’s so beautiful. Late afternoon fog is quite unusual this time of year and most people don’t like it, but I’m secretly happy about it.

I love walking along the bridge in the morning because it’s so easy to clear my mind. The wind can make my hair clothes flap wildly in the wind which is annoying, but the feeling of the cold wind can be comforting. The smell of saltwater in the air fills my nose as I approach one end of the bridge. I start to cross the bridge, right into the fog. It’s peaceful and the moist air feels cool and nice against my skin.

After around 45 minutes, I come out on the other side of the bridge.

As I walk, I fantasize about laying down on the couch and not worrying about homework. Not because I finished it, but because I’m planning on procrastinating.

I turn down my street and see my house. As I approach it, I realize that my house has been egged. I see a note on the door and run up and grab it. Get out of here, fag. You don’t belong here.

Vanessa, her boyfriend, and their horrible friends were right about the last part. I don’t belong here. I wish I could leave, but it isn’t exactly possible. I rip up the note and look up at the eggs that are covering my home.

I don’t want to clean this up… but my parents will ask why it happened if I don’t. Plus, they’ll make me do it anyway. I sigh as I trudge inside to grab a mop and some other cleaning supplies.

Opening the closet door, I grab everything I think I might need, which is a lot. I’ve never cleaned up eggs, so I’m just guessing.

I turn back to trudge outside again and start to wipe the door with a random rag that I found. Once I finish cleaning everything that I can reach from the ground, I place all my supplies on the roof overhang, awkwardly climbing onto it.

I get on my knees shakily and start to clean the roof. Damn, can these kids throw. It takes what seems like years, but is probably just a couple hours to finish cleaning the house.

Taking a risk, I jump from the overhang. I didn’t break any bones! Yay! I grab all of the cleaning supplies and shove them back into the closet as I walk to my room. I get changed into some paint-stained jeans and a band t-shirt that my parents begrudgingly bought me for Christmas.

I walk back out and throw myself on the couch. I log into the only social media my parents let me have and open a chat with one of my best friends, AchillesIsTheTrueGayIcon, also known as Bentley (or Ben). Sometimes I call him Benjamin just to annoy him.

Me: What’s up, Benjamin?

He responds almost immediately.

Ben: Asshole. But not much. You?

Me: You want to know who the real assholes are? The jerks from school who egged my house.

Ben: Oof. That sucks, dude.

Ben: Hey I gtg do homework. Talk later?

Me: Sure.

I turn off my phone and put it down. I hear my mom pull up so I sit up and take out my school binder. I place my homework from yesterday in front of me so I look like I’ve been doing homework since the second I got home.

As soon as I finish setting up my fake homework station, she walks in. “Hey, mom!” No. Too cheery. Calm down.

She smiles happily, “Hi, Ellie!” I cringe at my old name. At least she didn’t notice my overly excited greeting. “How was your day?” My little sister, Adia follows her in and then runs to our room.

I consider telling her that my day hasn’t been great, but decide against it. There are only two outcomes. The first is that she wouldn’t care and tell me to suck it up. The second is that it would just invoke a flurry of questions. Neither sounds particularly fun. “It was good. Yours?”

“It was fine. Busy as always,” I give her a knowing nod and then I see her smile slowly fade. “You didn’t make yourself dinner, did you?”

“No, not yet.” I smile sheepishly and she sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Alright. Dinner will be ready soon.”

I roll my eyes and she scoffs as she walks into the kitchen, tossing her bags onto a chair at the table. I hear Adia’s footsteps approaching before I see her jump onto the couch beside me.

“Hi, Adia. Did you have fun at daycare today?”

”Yeah! I played with Sammy!”

“That’s fun.” She smiles proudly as if having a friend is something to be proud of, which in my case, is true, but in her case, not so much. She has a lot of friends.

“I got to see all mommy’s friends, too! They’re so nice!”

I’m contemplating how untrue that is when I hear my mom start to reheat leftovers from last night. She tosses all of the food on three plates the same way she did her bag.

Wow. Soon really did mean soon.

My mom presses the power button on the remote and we pretend to watch a sitcom as we shovel food into our faces. Eventually, the episode ends. Too lazy to change the channel, we leave it alone and ignore it.

My mom is seated facing the screen and I watch her chuckle. I turn to the screen and freeze. It's a pride parade. All of a sudden I hear Adia’s excited voice.

“Ooooh! Rainbows!” I look at her and smile a little bit. She doesn’t even know. Sometimes I wish I don’t know what LGBTQ+ means. But that’s not really true.

“Those rainbows are for gay people.” She says gay in disgust as if it’s the worst thing you can be.

Mom continues, “You don’t want to be gay. Being gay is bad. You’ll go to hell if you’re gay.”

Now she just looked confused. “Why is it bad?”

“Because a man is supposed to marry a woman. That’s how God created us.” Mom says.

I finish eating my food as fast as I can to escape this horrible conversation and then interrupt. “Can I be excused? I’m getting tired.”

Before my mom can respond, my father swings open the front door.

This time, it’s not just me who’s frozen. He’s holding a beer bottle. His tie is loose. The top button of his shirt is unbuttoned and it’s stained.

What makes it most obvious that it’s happened again is his eyes. They’re huge. And not in the caring way.

He smiles goofily and stares at Adia and I. “No hug? No ‘Hi daddy!’ or ‘Thanks for working your ASS off every day to provide for us’?”

My first instinct is to pull Adia closer to me and step one foot in front of her, which I follow through on. My second instinct is to throw something at him so we can all run.

I hold back. Mom’s too close to dad. She would never be able to run away in time. He could hit her. Hurt her. Even kill her, if he wanted to. She’s not a good person, but she doesn’t deserve that.

“Go. To your rooms. Now.” I turn to my mom in utter surprise.

“But mom-“

“Now.” Her voice is sharp and cold, but filled with fear. The most confusing part is that I know the fear isn’t for herself. It’s for us.

I grab Adia and make sure she’s safe and locked in her room before running to mine. I press my ear against the door because I might be able to get an idea of what’s happening. I can’t hear anything.

I slump down and hang my head in my hands. Holy mother of God. What is wrong with my family? Why doesn’t she just kick him out when he’s hungover? Why don’t we leave?

I can't deal with this.

I'm sobbing now. I clench my teeth to trap the noise in my mouth.

Over the course of a few minutes, I draw myself up onto my knees and stand up, walking over to sit down at my desk. I start to scribble words that seem right on a paper. After a minute of writing, I reread it. It's not good enough. I crumple up the piece of paper and throw it in the trash.

I hug my knees tightly, trying not to make any form of sound. My breathing slows to its normal pace as I continue to sit there and I grab another piece of paper. I start to write once again, this time neater.

In the morning, I wake up the same way as yesterday. I put on my pants and even throw on a t-shirt instead of a blouse. I don’t care if Mr. Simon tries to force me to wear a skirt. I’m not taking anyone’s crap on my last day of school.

As I look in the cracked medicine cabinet mirror, all I can think of is my hair. I chew on the inside of my cheek for a minute while I go over all my options. I finally tug open the drawer and grip my father’s razor in my hand. There are lots of those weird plastic protectors that I think make sure you don’t accidentally shave off all your hair. I choose the one labeled number 4 at random and push it onto the top of the razor.

My heart starts to beat faster as I push it gently against my scalp, running it down my head in different places until my entire head is buzz cut. For the first time, I feel alive.

I peek out of the crack in the door and watch my mom walk into the kitchen. I run to my room, grabbing my backpack and binder.

I do this again and again until I’m out of the door.

I step into the bus, a huge grin slapped on my face. The other kids stare and I don’t even pay any attention to them. For the first time, I don’t care. I hear a kid yell “Get off, queer!” and I resist flipping him off… well, I try to resist flipping him off.

Taking my time, I walk into the classroom and sit next to Logan. He stares at me, dumbfounded. “What the hell did you do?” he whispers.

“I buzz cut my hair. I don’t even care anymore. I’ll deal with the consequences,”

Not.

“I just needed to do it,” I finish.

His face is contorted into a mixture of dumbfoundedness and horror as he slowly shakes his head. “Yeah. Alright. Tell me if you need anything, I guess.” He can’t stop staring at me and I honestly find it kind of funny.

A kid walks up to me sitting at what is most likely his desk.

“You’re sitting in my seat.”

“Yeah. I know. My seat’s over there. Feel free to take it.” He looks as if he’s about to say something more, but he turns to walk towards my actual seat.

Logan looks at me. I wonder if he knows something off. That taking some other kid’s seat isn’t something I’d normally do.

If he notices, he doesn’t mention it. “Anyways, how was your day yesterday?” He laughs and then adds, “Holy crap. That was such a mom question.”

I snort and answer, “Oh my god, you’re right. But it was good. I’m tired as hell, though.”

“No kidding.” I grin at him as the teacher looks at us again. I don’t really pay attention in math. I just talk to Logan. It’s relaxing to not have to care. To not have to worry about the consequences of my actions.

When we walk to lunch, I start complaining to Logan about how much of the day we have left.

“Uh, you know that we have an early day, right?”

“Oh! I do now.” He chuckles and smiles. I feel my cheeks warm up slightly at his smile. It’s a beautiful one. He starts to talk about some fandom of his and I try my hardest to pay attention.

I don’t really know what triggers this, although I have an idea, but I realize something. I’ve never kissed someone. Okay, this needs to change. I feel weird thinking about it, but I know exactly who I want to be my first and last kiss.

He’s about to start another thought, but I interrupt him. I don’t care. “You’re amazing.”

He looks at me as if I said the strangest thing he’s ever heard. “I mean it. You’re always there for me and you talk to me about things we like. I feel I don’t thank you enough for that.”

He still looks confused and a bit weirded out but he just smiles calmly. “Right back at you,” he responds as he fidgets with his hands and looks down at his shoes. I gesture for him to continue and, without hesitation, he does.

Logan sighs and packs up his lunch as the bell rings.

“Hey, will you walk home with me? I know you normally hang out here for a while but I want to talk to you.” I know this is a risk.

Just like before, he doesn’t say anything, but now I’m sure that we both know something’s wrong. “Yeah, of course.”

We grab our stuff and we start walking. He starts walking faster and gets ahead. This is not acceptable.

I break into a full sprint and he starts to chase me. My breath is short and raspy as I laugh all the air out of my lungs with him. When we reach the bridge, we’re both out of breath. We start panting like dogs on a hot day as we bend over and try to distribute our body weight evenly.

I stand up straight again and look at him. His face is glowing and his brown eyes are big and happy. He runs his hand through his slicked-back (with both gel and sweat) hair and adjusts his glasses. What a dork.

I know this is the moment. I move closer to him and press my lips against his own, my own brain not having a say in it.

The salty air blows through my hair and I feel on top of the world. After a couple of seconds, I step away. He looks confused. He wasn't okay with it. Oh, God. What have I done? I'm about to keep running down the bridge when he hugs me.

This time, I'm the unprepared one. After a minute, he lets go and slides his hand into mine. We continue to walk across the bridge. There's nothing we need to say and it feels amazing.

We don't have to explain ourselves. We can just walk quietly together. And it's not awkward.

My happiness fades away as I realize this is the first and last time I’ll be able to do this. I couldn’t change my mind if I wanted to. I already taped the note to his backpack when we left school.

Today was the best day of my life, but the rest of my life will be a living hell if I go back home right now. Today was a good day. One in a million.

This has to be the last time. Nothing good can last forever. Nothing can last forever.

We reach the other side. “Goodbye, Logan.”

He laughs. “You say it like this is the last time I’ll ever see you. I’m going to see you tomorrow.”

I feel my heart shatter a little bit more than it already had but I cover it up with a soft smile. “Yeah. It’s just goodbye for now.” He leans in and kisses my cheek and then twirls around like a ballerina. I choke back a sad laugh.

He starts to walk towards his house, but I just turn towards the water.

Tears spill silently down my face. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I want to run to Logan and scream his name, but I can’t. This has to be done alone.

I lift one foot onto the railing and then the other. This is it.

One last tear slips down my face as I whisper raspily, “I’m sorry, Logan.” I know it will be peaceful. A quiet ending. Not that I deserve one, but I guess it’s a favor to myself. I let go of the pole that I had been holding onto.

And then I’m falling.

Falling.

Gone.

Tagging: @sunandshinee @writingamongthecoloredroses @ettawritesnstudies @rhycantspell @just-perhaps @etddivine @antisocialdragonenby @crabsthinkfishfly @holdup-pause @gaydemiboy

#tw suicide #suicide awareness #tw acoholism #tw alcohol #tw abuse #tw abusive family #tw homophobia #verbose #vioaeon #writing #mine

10 notes · View notes

vocaotome · 4 years

Text

Interactive Queer Fantasy Novel Review - Moonrise

A couple months ago I was invited to try out Moonrise, a text based urban fantasy interactive novel by Natalie Cannon. Although I usually stick to visual novels, since I had played and enjoyed other choice of games before, I decided to give Moonrise a try and write a review for it.

While the game had an interesting premise with smooth, enjoyable prose and witty modern humor, my overall experience has been a rather mixed bag, probably because I don’t appear to fall into the specific audience for the game. I’ll give a vague outline of the plot and share my impressions while trying to not give too much away. In order to prevent constantly switching between “the player”/“you”/“us” etc, when referring to the character we are playing I’m going to use “Heather” (a name from the list of choices available, you can also type in whatever you wish) and “she”.

Full review under the cut, or on wordpress if you prefer it instead.

Gameplay

The basic gameplay of Moonrise is the same as most games on the choice of games platform, all text with no graphics and only stat based choices. The game offers the option to choose between she/her and they/them pronouns at the very start, but as per the basic game premise (supernatural celebration of queer femininity), player cannot identify as male in this game so no he/his pronouns. Choosing between cis/trans/other/not saying is also available, though I felt that there was an assumption that the player is not cis or at least is someone who is pretty invested in using specific pronouns (early game it's mentioned that "you" talked to Alice about your pronouns).

While the game description claims that the main character may be asexual and there are dialogue choices which allow you to refuse romantic advances saying you are asexual, I felt that the narration didn’t really reflect that since there were many parts in the common scenes (regardless of route or picked choices) where you express strong attraction towards beautiful women. The 3 love interests were pretty likable and varied in their backstories and personality, although I wish all of them got equal amount of screentime (your roommate inevitably gets more scenes than the otherworldly goddess you meet in the last chapter). You can date just a single person or multiple people at once.

The players also get to choose between being “Fierce” (20% initial boost to Bloodthirst, Uncanny, Defense attributes) or “Civilized” (20% boost to Empathy, Responsibility, Snark attributes). The choices throughout the game either raise these attributes further or improve your relationship with the love interests.

For those who are concerned about homophobia, Moonrise very briefly mentions the existence of homophobic people but for the most part all the characters treat LGBTQA+ people as very normal (example: Heather finds Alice's puppy love for a girl in her class very cute), so no need to worry on that account.

Plot

The pace of the game is pretty fast right from the start, we begin with “Heather” directly being thrown into a situation where the player has just transformed into a wolf. Another werewolf called “Alice” soon finds us while Heather is confusedly struggling between canine instincts and human reason. I really liked the part where "you" still are convinced that you are a 100% pure wolf and are completely operating under that impression, lol. All the wolf related terms also are rather endearing, time to refer to all my close friends as my packmates <3

At first I was a little bit wary of Alice, who is revealed (within 5 minutes of playing) to be the one to have turned Heather into a werewolf, but she grew on me very quickly, especially with her youthful admiration of Heather and the open vulnerability she shows to us. I’m also grateful to her for helping Heather turn back human, the idea of getting stuck as a wolf forever (which Alice mentioned happening to some people) sounded pretty disturbing. (I did giggle at how Heather was like “bleh, wolves have it better, no student loans”)

Alice returns together with Heather to Heather’s home which she shares with her best friend and roommate Rosario, the first LI we run into. I liked Rosario’s character and sense of humor a lot (random: I bust a lung laughing when the narration mentioned them lightly smelling of weed), though I wish the narration used less jargon when explaining Rosario’s lifestyle as an adventurous and dynamic queer person (this issue popped up a couple of times later in the game too, though not frequently enough to be a deal breaker). The below paragraph made me stare for a solid minute before I managed to comprehend everything.

Rosario is super relieved to see Heather safe and quickly warms up to Alice, and in order to develop a relationship with Rosario (also if you’re interested in building up your empathy stat, very useful for diplomatic options) we must be friendly towards Alice and let her stay in our home. To be honest it's hard to be an asshole to Alice, she’s a cutie. I liked it when Alice was described during this scene to have corkscrew hair and dark skin, yay for varied designs!

Anyway, around this time we learn that Heather is a doctor-in-training working for their residency. I laughed at the part where after picking a choice, the prose apologized to me for doubting that I'd call work to inform my circumstances.This is the point where the free part ends.

Regardless of whether we go to our job, meet our coworkers and interact with patients, or go all SCREW U to your job and hang around in a park (irresponsible, imo, you’ve been missing for a day because of this whole wolf business), you run into the second LI, Chika, a seemingly cold and quiet young doctor who works in the same place as Heather and is actually also a werewolf.

She also seems to have harbored a strong crush on Heather for quite a while, even during routes where I've acted very distant towards her so far she pretty much immediately confesses and we get the option to kiss her. Personally I prefer more buildup in romantic relationships in my stories, but I guess this isn’t surprising considering that we have already spent about 2 chapters on the prologue and this is a short game consisting of only 8 chapters.

The next few chapters are a mix of slice of life situations where Alice, Rosario and Heather blossom into a pretty cute makeshift family, with optional scenes of bonding in wolf form with Alice. Alice also gives us a lot of information about the vampire and werewolf lore of this world, and informs Heather about the 2 opposing factions of the supernatural society: the masquerade, who prefer to keep the human and supernatural worlds separate and operate as an organization under strict rules of secrecy, and the rogues, who prefer a wild and free approach in life and wish to go public about the existence of supernatural creatures.

Not gonna lie, the masquerade sounds amazing on paper, being their part apparently means getting your university tuition paid and guaranteed jobs after graduation, that sounds like a dream lol. However they are a bit to stuck up for Alice’s tastes, especially because of her foster parent who is someone high up in the Masquerade and pretty unpleasant. Rogues sound rather bad at this point since Alice mentions being “hunted” early game and they are supposed to be the ones “after” her.

In Chapter 6 we run into Cassandra, a vampire and the foster parent mentioned above, who pretty much kidnaps us to her place. Over the course of a very tense and threatening conversation, she gives us plenty of reasons to NOT consider signing up for the masquerade, though I think that was the opposite of her intention. The game's description of Cassandra's attitude towards young people like they were "particularly ugly vase that begs to be shattered" sounds so accurate to how some old people act lol. We have to escape Cassandra by choosing either diplomacy or violence, and choosing the wrong option that you don’t have enough attributes for can get you killed.

(Random: Cassandra being portrayed positively in some future scenes after claiming to eat her servants is unnerving. I hope that was a joke ;;;;)

If chapter 6 was the one familiarizing us with the masquerade, chapter 7 is the equivalent part for rogues. We meet up with Chika who is relieved to see Heather safe (even out of her route she acts way too familiar when it comes to physical distance with Heather, her cold queen settings vanish when it involves the person she likes, lol), and reveals herself as the leader of the rogues. We get a bunch of information about the rogues’ motivations and plans, and the misunderstanding that they want to harm Alice is cleared up. (It’s also possible to get some more explanation earlier in the game if you acted all wolf-y right from the start and went on a solo wandering trip which Chika joins)

After the conversation Chika springs a sudden offer for a date on Heather, which made me giggle during the walkthroughs where I rejected her hard. It was extra funny because we had been talking about serious stuff™ right until that point. It is possible to go on a date with her and have a sexual encounter afterwards. All dates in this game can end in sex, but it is optional.

There is a scene with Rosario where we hang out and have some heart-to-heart talk soon after the encounter with Chika, and this can end up being a date depending on our choices, regardless of whether we are already dating Chika or not. I think there is a malfunctioning romance flag here because Rosario talks as if I’m dating Chika even if I have refrained from ALL romantic choices with Chika.

At the start of chapter 8 we are forced to choose between the masquerade and the rogues, though considering the way the representatives from these groups (Cassandra and Chika) have treated us until this point, choosing the masquerade seems like madness.

~~~~~~~

If we choose the Masquerade, Alice and Heather visit Cassandra again to join the society. We meet people other than Cassandra who thankfully are pleasant enough, and suddenly a masquerade member came to seek Cassandra’s help and we ended up being asked to help perform some ritual to teleport somewhere and rescue/steal Dracula's brides??? What? I was very confused during this part because the story flow suddenly became very fast and I was having difficulty keeping up.

During this mission there is a possible dead end (ironic, the people who we went to rescue end up accidentally killing Heather), but as long as things go smoothly, we encounter Ishara, the last LI who a special werewolf from some other far away place (planet? dimension?) and treated like a goddess by the supernatural community because of her special powers and JAW DROPPING BEAUTY. She likes the way Heather treats her casually unlike everyone else, and there is another sudden date offer.

After the rescuing of Dracula brides, we get a slice of life-ish scene with them, Cassandra, Ishara and Rosario in a coffee shop. This is where we finally get some backstory on Cassandra and learn about some of her positive points, being a lesbian Robin Hood of sorts isn’t something I expected from her XD

Although I don’t think it’s possible to keep your relationship with Chika intact in this path, you can talk with your other 2 love interests about the nature of your relationship (open/closed, romantic/queerplatonic). There was one playthrough when I somehow found Ishara sitting on Heather’s lap and kissing Rosario, wild.

Before the final fight, there is a brief scene where Chika meets up with Heather and is quite heartbroken over her choosing the masquerade. Soon after that the day comes where we face off against the Rogues who have decided on a kill or get killed approach.

~~~~~~~~

If we choose the Rogues instead, there is no falling out with Chika (she’s ecstatic to have Heather join them) and we visit the Rogues’ hangout instead. After some socialization we embark on a journey to find Alice’s biological dad who is a powerful but loner werewolf and a possible valuable ally for our fight against the masquerade. This course of option made a lot more sense to me than the Dracula bride thing in the masquerade route.

We manage to locate the man and he joins our cause (I laughed at Alice and his naked reunion, the side effect of transforming between wolf and human forms), not only because he’s annoyed by the masquerade’s way of doing things but also because he suspects them being involved in the death of Alice’s mother and Alice becoming a werewolf (werewolf genes aren’t hereditary). In the Masquerade route Cassandra claims to not have done it, so I’m curious what exactly happened.

We also run into Ishara while on this mission (I’m curious how she is here instead of wherever she was during the other route, how exactly did the butterfly effect work?), and similar to the Masquerade route, get the chances to flirt with her and go on a date. It was interesting how Ishara sex scene has a little more detail than others, and extra text about being trans if your character is trans too (If you are cis she just mentions it during the date).

After the mission there is a party where we can do a lot of socializing, and similar to the masquerade route, confirm with your love interest(s) about the nature of your relationship. Then once again it is the time for the final fight, only this time it’s the Masquerade attacking us.

~~~~~~

I must admit that I was somewhat disappointed with how brief the final fight was. The few paragraphs leading up to the fight are pretty much the same in the Masquerade and the Rogues version, then we simply get to choose between persuading for peace, fighting to kill or to defend. Every one of these choices only have one paragraph explaining the result. During my first playthrough this caught me by surprise as I was expecting to actually read a tear jerking speech about living together in peace, not just a super concise summary. The epilogue is also basically just that, a sentence each about the final fate of the characters who stayed with you until the end.

Final thoughts

Writing: The prose is where the game shines. The usage of uncommon (but not unknown) vocabulary in the more metaphorical imagery was lovely.

However, there are places where some unfamiliar LGBT terms or custom pronouns caught me off guard and made me pause to look stuff up. Personally I believe using too many technical terms in stories makes dialogue sound a bit forced and disrupts narration, but thankfully such instances weren’t very common in moonrise.

The humor was great, me frequently laughing over random things while describing the plot should be proof enough of that. The worldbuilding was done with a lot of care and the flow of plot was pretty logical for the most part, but towards the end I couldn't comprehend the logic behind some events and even after multiple playthroughs I haven't found any explanations for a couple of things, like the real mystery surrounding Alice's mother's death.

Characterization: Characterization was good but varying in quantity- Rosario and Alice were pretty well rounded character development wise and I loved their cute family-like interactions. I was all AWWW when Heather called the place with them her home ;v;

Compared to that Chika felt more of an enigma, but her date and the optional running off into the woods scene still gave her some chances to develop (though it mostly confirmed that she was a good person wishing for freedom and we didn’t really learn much about her personal emotions aside from liking Heather). Poor Ishara got even less chances, so all I managed to grasp was her loneliness. All three of the romance interests shared the issue of overly rapid romantic developments though, though in varying extents (repeat: poor Ishara).

Some side characters like Cassandra got detailed backstories, but it’s hard to grow to like her after experiencing ends where we got killed at her hand over something small. Because this story is only available in the masquerade path and there is no foreshadowing about her positive qualities before the route split, a lot of people might simply never play this path.

Player customization: I also wish the game description didn’t imply that the player character can be customized a lot. Considering how it was implied that the player had an abusive family and is trying to become a doctor because she wants to do and be “better’, imo the already present backstory is too defined for story to be immersive. I personally don’t seek to self insert so it’s not a problem for me (I PREFER this to a blank slate), but it may be for others who came into the game with wrong expectations.

One more thing I would like to see implemented in future versions is choosing if I was polyromantic/polysexual or not at the start of the game. Regardless of whether the player has locked into a romance route or not, "you" still keep thirsting after the beautiful possible LIs that cross your path. I found that rather distracting during my first playthrough since I was playing the game while planning to develop a monogamist cis lesbian character and I felt a disconnect whenever it happened.

Ending: Lastly, the ending. I don’t mind the short epilogues, but the description of the “final fight” was simply so short that it felt anticlimactic, so I will just hope that the ending will be more extended with detailed scenes in a later version.

In summary? Good prose, interesting worldbuilding but too-short romance and rushed ending. Worth a read if you like modern fiction with fantasy supernatural elements involving lots of queer characters and aren’t overly critical in your evaluation of the flow and logic in a story. The game is really cheap though, the amount of content you get is definitely worth $1.99, so if the game sounds like your cup of tea go ahead and try it out!

P/S: A short guide on maxing out the relationship points: being nice to the LI is a given, go on dates with them, and pick the following choices which might not seem obvious (I might be missing some choices that seem obvious to me but actually aren’t orz):

Chika: Ask Naoki to move but politely, Hold her hand (during date), Ask to come up for “coffee” (sex/literal coffee), Don’t choose the masquerade (duh)

Rosario: Embrace her, We let her (Alice) live here, Yes, spar without hurting

Ishara: Compliment, Flirt Back

#Moonrise #interactive fiction #interactive novel #queer fiction #review

14 notes · View notes

blooming-blooming · 5 years

Note

can you talk about when you were aphobic and why you changed your mindset? The general consensus is that aces and aros can hide their identity and don't go through the same abuse as the other sexualities and a huge part of the people against them say they are attention seekers and shouldn't bother to try to be in the community. Is this line of thought accurate? Legit curiosity here

Because Tumblr is an incredibly well coded website, trying to post this on my phone for whatever reason vaporized the ask so I had to resend it to myself verbatim. Hopefully posting this on my desktop won’t like, completely break the website. A plus, though- I sent a link to the broken post with a screenshot of the original ask on my Twitter, and a lot of my friends who also used to be aphobes at the same time as me said this all rang true to their experiences as well, and I put a lot of things into words for how they felt during that time. So, I’d say this is pretty accurate for a lot of aphobes who didn’t go as far as having discourse blogs, at least. Anyways!

I’ve actually been meaning to address this about myself publicly for a while, so you’re fine! It’s kind of amazing... I used to get so mad when people called aphobia rebranded homophobia, but recollecting a lot of what I thought... that’s literally what it is. This is going under a cut because it’s a really long post with a lot of personal info, but if people wanna rb they can, idc.

This is... a really loaded question, so it’s probably going to be a long answer, because there are a lot of very intricate factors that lead to the aphobia in the LGBT community and gatekeeping, I think. One very important fact for my experiences that’ll make sense why it’s relevant later (or right away, if you know your aphobic troll talking points) is that my uncle was gay and died in the AIDS crisis before I was born.

I think the two biggest factors overall are 1) aphobic troll posts often getting heavy traction and 2) misunderstanding the ace/aro - allo dynamic as being oppressed - oppressor, rather than the actual dynamic of fellow community members sharing different experiences.

In my experience, the consensus is also less about attention seeking, more about aces actually being cishet and trying to steal LGBT resources. The “hiding their identity” logic in my experiences was also less that, and more that being ace/aro didn’t actually impact their identity enough to be “oppressed”.

Basically, the MO is that being ace doesn’t make you LGBT because asexuality impacts how you feel attraction, not the attraction you feel in and of itself (not true), and thusly if you’re heteromantic/heterosexual along with being ace/aro, you’re still cishet. (Or, if you’re aroace, you’re not cishet, but you’re still more privileged and not a part of the community because you’re not oppressed for experiencing same gender attraction.) That’s the gatekeeper logic in a nutshell.

The biggest thing that makes people aphobic, I think, is as I said: troll posts. In recent years, the only things to really come across my feed about asexuality when not from aces are solidarity posts. Because of that, I’m not sure if the posts that bait people are the same as when I was younger, or if using troll posts at all are even as prevalent now. However, they were very prevalent on my feed in 2014-2016. They’d be standard homophobic talking points, but dressed up on fakewoke language with aces and aros as the punchline - generally, things along the line of, “These two gay kids were holding hands at my school’s GSA today and it disgusted me because I’m romance repulsed.” Things that, in hindsight, are really obviously fake, and were really obviously said to rile up LGBT people. The most infamous line of rhetoric trolls used, which is what got myself and many others I know to go aphobic, was, “if aces were a part of the LGBT community, the AIDS crisis would have done less damage because aces would convince people to have less sex.” You can see why this would enrage several of LGBT people, especially someone like me who has very, very personal losses related to the AIDS crisis. It was a lot of cheap shots at an extremely vulnerable community to rile them up against their own, and unfortunately it worked hook, line, and sinker.

Something that really pushed the “us vs. them” mentality that had people fall for posts like this is that many ace people put more focus on the asexuality than they do other aspects of their identity, leading us to assume a much higher ratio were cishet than in realty. (This, and conversely the “well I support LGBT aces, just not the cishet ones” is an aspect that MAJORLY gives me homophobia vibes now. Acting entitled to extremely personal information on peoples’ attraction and gender is so, SO invasive, and it’s something LGBT people are subject to enough /all the time/ outside of their own community, let alone also being forced to in it.)

With this foundation set, it brings me to point two. Many people were very predisposed from aphobic troll posts to viewing aces/aros as homophobic cishets, so when actual aces coined allosexual/alloromantic to talk about their experiences, people completely misunderstood the meanings of these terms and once again took out their aggression on them. I think I summarized it pretty succinctly in my introduction, but these terms were created so aces/aros could talk about their unique experiences in contrast to other people, both in and out of the LGBT community. However, aphobes took it the wrong way (especially with the help of - surprise! - more troll posts!) and viewed it as if ace people were saying having romantic/sexual attraction at all makes you more privileged than them, and thusly are oppressing them. Obviously, this isn’t true - aces/aros are oppressed by cishet people, just like the rest of the LGBT community. The terms only existed for clarification.

This was another key factor for me in particular- my sexual attraction to women was a very, VERY vulnerable point for me that I struggled with for years, even after coming out. The concept that I could have privilege over another person for something I had so much difficulty with was incredibly insulting. This was probably my peak in aphobia, because I felt MY community was being invaded by my oppressors and trying to spin me to be the oppressor.

There’s a lot more aspects of aphobia, I think the vulnerability a lot of LGBT people have is another very major aspect to why a lot latched onto aphobia. That’s a very complicated subject I’m not quite sure how to delve into besides what I’ve already explained on it lending itself to those aspects, however. There was also just... a lot of straight up denying facts that you didn’t agree with. The most common I can remember is denying corrective rape happened because of aphobia, and insisting it was actually misogyny. Which... I’ve used eloquent language to this point, but I’m going to be blunt: telling someone they’re wrong about how/why they experienced their abuse is fucking disgusting.

I think that covers the bases for how I felt during this period... I didn’t follow discourse blogs or anything, so a lot of my friends just stopped reblogging it as we realized a lot of it was also just an excuse people made up so they could bully ace kids. From there, it was mostly just slowly opening up, reading the posts my ace friends made and shared on the subject, and reflecting on myself. It was definitely a progressive process; I went from “neutral on ace discourse” after realizing most aces aren’t even cis and/or hetero (though, ftr, it doesn’t matter if they are or not)

Then late last year/early this year I started feeling isolated in the community for not being attracted to men (which was a personal thing and not the fault of other groups), and... things started clicking. I realized that aces, regardless of orientation, also lacked either sexual and/or romantic attraction to men, and suddenly started feeling less alone - especially because ace lesbians also exist. While I don’t think I particularly reached out, my mind opened up significantly more with that, and I started realizing a lot of common ground between us as a community in general.

While I was having this realization, posts started coming on my feed about just how badly the ace community had been damaged by the rise of aphobia and ace discourse, and it started really sinking in just how horrific aphobia truly is. An entire community was more or less dismantled right when it was just starting to thrive, and the members are only just now starting to get back to a place of comfort again. It’s sickening, especially to know I was a part of it. Last month I saw a post about an ace lesbian being harassed at a pride event because she only had ace merch on, and someone justified it with her making her identity “about sex” - That was what really solidified everything for me and how much I’ve changed, because that is what homophobes say about nonsexual gay PDA with zero changes.

I do want to apologize to all the ace people in my life, both if you knew I felt this way, or if you’re just finding out I used to feel this way and are hurt by it. I know I’ve apologized to at least one person privately, but you can’t truly love someone if you don’t support all aspects of them. I’ve worked ridiculously hard to unlearn everything, but that doesn’t justify that I thought these things to begin with. I understand any action people need to take to feel comfortable.

This was... a really deeply personal post that covers half a decade, more or less. But it does feel good to get out and like a weight has been lifted. Like I said, this is something I’ve wanted to publicly talk about and own up to, but didn’t know how to go about it. If nothing else, I think this is a pretty comprehensive look at how aphobes think and operate for resource purposes.

#okay i guess cuts just arent working out for this post im not gonna risk fucking it up agagain #long post-#aphobia-#homophobia-#serophobia-#rape-

26 notes · View notes

transadvice · 4 years

Text

"How can I be more attracted to my trans partner?”

I got this question in my ask box, but I’m putting it behind a cut because the question itself deals with and expresses transphobic feelings. I also talk about transphobia and internalized transphobia in my answer. I just don’t want you to have to deal with it if you’re trans and it’s not the right day. Cis ppl with trans partners: Read below Trans ppl: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMASH THE STATE

The question: my gf is trans and i love her so much. i've been with her for two years while she was out and transitioning socially and i support her and adore her. however now she's started taking hormones (a few months in now) and i feel myself becoming less attracted to her. i am sexually attracted to the typical "male" body and the typical "female" body, but her combination of the two - a very masc body with small tits now - puts me off. idk if that's something to tell her or to try to overcome on my own, because i want a future with her and i want to support her... but how can i tell her this without hurting her and making her feel "not womanly enough"? i can't see telling her this going well... it's been on my mind for months now and i don't know what to do. i feel like a horrible person My answer: Don’t tell her. She knows. Look: I've been in this situation from various sides. I have been the "you", the person who wants to be attracted to someone and who thinks the reasons I'm not attracted to them are bullshit, but also I just can't talk myself into feeling pantsfeelings I don't feel. And I have, even more specifically, been the "your girlfriend," the person who begins transitioning and taking hormones in a long-term relationship and who is told by their long-term partner "I am finding myself less attracted to you as your body changes, but, like, it's totally my problem, I'm gonna work on it." Let me tell you, it was incredibly hurtful! It was a huge blow to my self-esteem at a moment when I needed it most. Like, here I am really excited about all the changes happening and wanting to tell my partner about them with pride and happiness, and instead they react with tepid support plastered over visceral disgust. The feeling that as I am becoming more "me," my partner was becoming more repulsed by me, was SOULKILLING. Even though it wasn't their fault - they couldn't control what they were attracted to and what kneejerk reactions they had in the microexpression moments before they put on the expression they WANTED to have - it had a really super negative effect on me to be in that situation. It made me feel like "the real me" was inherently repulsive.

I am hesitant to encourage you to "work on it." I'm just not sure how well it will work?? I think the following two ideas can both be true: 1. Sexual attraction is a deeply-ingrained impulse that is unconscious and difficult or impossible to change.

2. Sexual attraction is informed by culture, and often reflects toxic and unkind attitudes of that culture (e.g. transphobia, racism, misogyny, homophobia, fatphobia, etc.)

This obviously poses a huge issue for a lot of people. We want to be kind and inclusive, but our attractions don't always play along with our intellectual beliefs. And we can't necessarily make ourselves be attracted to people we're not.

You can try; and it might work, eventually, sort of! I'm inspired by Lindy West's project of trying to see fat people as attractive (for self-love purposes) by a sort of exposure therapy, signing up for lots of fat fashion blogs and whatnot, exposing herself to tons and tons of positive and happy and sexy images of fat people. She talks about this in her book Shrill and in a This American Life episode called "Tell Me I'm Fat." This is the only example that comes to mind of someone positively changing their aesthetic taste, and even that is not about sexual attraction but about self-confidence. Plus, it took a hell of a long time. Years, I think. I don't necessarily want your girlfriend to feel like she is waiting on what might be a years-long project for you to rewire your sexuality, especially since it might not work, especially since being your attraction-changing guinea pig is probably hurting her in big and small ways in the meantime. I am also concerned on your behalf, that trying to force your sexual tastes into a particular direction may lead to you becoming alienated from your sexuality. In the past, when I've tried to force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not because I liked them and I wanted to date them and/or they liked me and I wanted to return their affections, my body has responded by becoming sexually numb, and I think I am basically asexual... until that relationship ends, and then I realize, "Wait, I'm not disinterested in sex, I'm disinterested in sex WITH TAYLOR." (not their real name)

And I don't think the attempt to force it for so long was good for me OR for Taylor. I mean, once we broke up, we started dating people we actually were attracted to, and those relationships just worked a lot easier for both of us. Just because I was not attracted to Taylor, it doesn't mean there wasn't someone out there who would be.

And just because my ex, who I was with when I was transitioning, became less attracted to me as I became more masc, it doesn't follow that I was becoming less attractive. There were, it turned out, plenty of people who found me MORE attractive the more I transitioned. There were people who found me uniquely attractive in my androgynous state! But as long as I was with my ex, I couldn't find them. And it was really hard not to internalize my ex’s attitude, their palpable cringiness, and feel that, "I must be getting less attractive." After all, it confirmed my existing worst fears!

When you are a trans person, society is already telling you in a hundred different ways, "You are not attractive." "You are not even a person, really." It is SO CRUCIAL for us to love ourselves and prove to ourselves that good sex beyond the gender binary is possible. But I just don't see how that will happen for your girlfriend as long as she is dating someone who has to try to force it.

I also want you to understand that you are not necessarily “not attracted to trans people.” I don’t want you to take that on as a source of shame, nor do I want you to write a Tinder bio that says “cis ppl only” or anything like that. You’re not feeling attracted to THIS trans person, but you might still be genuinely attracted to some other trans person in the future, who knows? One of us is not all of us. Bottom line, I want your girlfriend to be with someone who WANTS HER. Who doesn't want-to-want her. Someone who doesn't have to try, doesn’t have to work at it with homework and projects, doesn’t have to force themselves. Those people are out there! And I want that for you, too: to be with someone you don't have to work to want. Someone you just WANT. Unfortunately, I'm not optimistic that can happen in your current relationship.

2 notes · View notes

letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 5 years

Text

glowstone replied to your post “In case you forgot, the q slur is still a slur. Reclaim it as an...”

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the q slur is still a slur. Op is I'm comfortable being called such and many other people are as well. It's historically a slur and still is to this day and many people are still called it. Just because you live in a blue state where it's being reclaimed doesn't mean everyone does. Your experiences are not universal. Think about how people who live in the south feel being called that when the only times they have heard it b4 was being shouted at

not sure how to link two replies on the same post yet...

Well first of all, congratulations. You had to do some research on my blog to find out I currently live in a blue state, since I don’t mention that on my blog profile or about page. I appreciate it when people go through my entire blog finding out things about me so they can give me a “proper take down.” Here’s your gold star.

Here’s the thing, glowstone. You’re seventeen. And I well remember being seventeen, being full of fire, full of salt and vengeance, and ready to take on the world and thinking I knew everything. I hope you never lose that fire and that determination, because they’re wonderful things. And I hope you never stop trying to challenge people when you think that they’re mistaken or being hurtful.

But you are also seventeen. And you have a lot to learn.

I have literally gotten a degree studying queer literature. That is what my degree is in. That is what I spent an entire year doing research on for my final, culmination-of-my-entire-degree presentation. And as I pointed out, academia does not use slurs for the titles of their courses. I was not comparing racism to transphobia or homophobia, I was using it as an example of how academia does not use slurs as the titles of courses. A slur is a slur is a slur, no matter which demographic that slur might be aimed at, and so it’s a perfectly apt example.

I would consider actually doing research on queer history (yes, that is what it is called, you do not speak to LGBT Professors, you speak to “Professors of Queer Studies,” I don’t know how much more obvious I can be here). I think it would really open your eyes to how the word is being used.

Here are some links to book recs to help you start.

I would also be careful to put me or anyone in a box because “I live in a blue state.” I spent many years living in the Midwest, and in Florida. I have also traveled extensively, and while tumblr does tend to be very U.S.-centric, around the world queer is not considered the slur that you feel it is. In the Netherlands, for instance, it’s a perfectly accepted word by the community. People reclaim queer all over the country, all over the world, and the academic label of “queer studies” is universal.

As I said in my original post, if a person is not comfortable with being called queer, then that’s fine! All they have to do is say so. Just like I would tell someone I’m not comfortable being called pan because I feel that I’m bi. Pan doesn’t fit me as a label.

I would talk to queer people of color as well, people who are genderfluid, trans, etc, and not just people your age but older people too. I would specifically talk to activists, lawyers, academics, people who study and defend our community for a living. They are, in my experience, the ones calling themselves queer and they’re also (how fascinating) the ones people tell to “check themselves” and that “q is a slur and you can’t use it.”

It’s almost as if there are people in our community who are using “q is a slur” to silence the nonbinary, the noncis, the nonwhite, and so on. I’m not saying that you are doing that, not at all, dear glowstone, but I would do some research and ask around. Acephobia, biphobia, transphobia, and so on are alive and well in parts of our community and to police people in our community about using queer smacks strongly of that phobia, of gatekeeping, of “this is how you have to be or you’re not really a part of our community.” There are testimonies of people who say how they embraced queer and the queer community when the gay/lesbian community said they didn’t belong. Those testimonies are even here, on this very website, I’ve seen them.

Queer is a beautiful umbrella term. Some people are sitting here thinking, “I’m asexual genderfluid panromantic but wow that’s a lot to explain and I’m still not sure that fully encapsulates myself as an individual human” so they use ‘queer’ instead. I remember a friend talking about how they were treated like a boy by their parents despite being AFAB, and how their relationship with gender has always been rather interesting as a result, but they don’t identify as trans, so they use ‘queer’ instead. I have friends who drift between feeling like they’re demi, ace, and bi, so they use ‘queer’ because they still aren’t sure which box they fall into.

I may be white, and I make no effort to hide that or to hide my ignorance. But I’m not speaking for myself here. I am literally repeating what POC people in my life have told me. I do not quote them directly and am not tagging them, since they have asked not to be, but I am saying what they have said to me dozens of times. I personally feel that as a white person it’s my responsibility to speak up for POC when they are not comfortable or do not feel safe speaking up for themselves. I am repeating to you their words. Their statements. Their chosen identity. Please do not erase them by claiming I am speaking from my point of view, because I’m not.

There are literally articles out there (feel free to look them up I’m starting to feel lazy) that talk about the difference between queer identity and gay/lesbian identity. They talk about why some people are going to identify as queer as opposed to “picking a label.” Gay/lesbian/etc is, frankly, mainstream, and new. And those in our community who have always been on the outside--the people of color, the genderfluid, the trans, and so on--do not appreciate (and have said so repeatedly on tumblr and elsewhere) being policed about this word. Identifying as queer is a cultural movement that is being silenced by our current gay/lesbian framework and it’s not okay.

And frankly? Queer POC are not interested in us white people, especially young white people, telling them they can’t use that word because uwu it’s a slur when queer has been used as the title of a literal cultural movement. Which you would know if you studied... wait for it... Queer History.

Queer is the title of our entire cultural movement, our history, our literature. If you don’t want to use it for yourself, then you don’t have to!

But please, continue your education. Speak to our elders, read articles, contact your local university and ask to speak to the queer studies professors, go to a local queer activist chapter or queer activist lawyer. I personally recommend Dean Spade’s work as a good place to start, he’s a trans activist and professor who is (le gasp) from the south. But there’s a wealth of information out there for you. Please access it. Tumblr is a great space for our community but it is not university, it is not history, it is not the end all be all.

I hope you have a beautiful day, glowstone. Make yourself a nice hot chocolate and take a walk. And everyone else have a beautiful day too.

#glowstone #I'm a little snarky at the beginning but #I just can't help myself #*salty grandma mutterings about kids these days*#can you tell I put my Big Sister Hat on guys?#queer #queer history #lgbtq community #lgbt+ politics

9 notes · View notes

androgynousblackbox · 5 years

Note

ok so the kenders situation is VERY complcated but i am extremely informed about it. people (or at least the people im following) aren't angry that kenders wanted to write a story about a 20 and 16 year old, we're angry because kenders is an homophobe (who created his only gay character because he was socially awkward and claimed asexuals didn't exist, claimed to be an ally for the lgbt+ community but did i whole story arc basically saying heteresexuality saves generations gay relationship 1/2

2/2 gay relationships stop them at thats bad, pretty much every single of characters is straight) so the issue is he'll rather write yet another het story with unfortunate implication rather than just making a gay character. also his story telling techniques suck and tried to sue sega for 'stealing his sonic ideas' it's just people who are tired of kenders shit (so am i) and are tired of everything he's done. theres more to this story but it would take fucking years to explainI am going to be honest with you, anon. I am very wary when people say things like “we aren’t angry because of X, but because of B” because nine out of ten times the people who are angry about B, even if they are absolutely honest about only caring about B and their reasons are good, are in the minority while a big majority are still angry about X. Then the minority end up being used only as more reason for the X to exacerbate all other reasons, even the most petty, little ones, and the whole thing, wether you are annoyed by B or X, ended up being meaningless because the result still is a hate mob where probably someone other than Ken Penders is going to end up hurt. That is how usually these kind of things play out on the internet, unfortunely. Any actual points any side has end up forgotten because the majority still just want to yell about X and then you have people on the other side defending X, also forgettting about any actual good points people on the B argument had. Look how the JK discouse goes, how Twilight is discussed. We suck at discourse here.Now, about those claims, I have no clue at all about the comics, what happens on them or about the characters, so I am going to take your word for it. If you tell me that his stories are not that good in the first place, I believe you. He created a story with a very questionable final message that, unfortunely, has been part of the heternormative world since forever. Like, the idea that the only reason society can advance and continue existing is because of heterosexuality is a old one, a lot of times fuel to advance homophobia. That is bad, no discussion there. If he truly wanted to be an ally for non straight people then he should reexamine those ideas and search to consider non straightness just as essential as heterosexuality. His allyship rings hollow without that self reflection.But this “he'll rather write yet another het story with unfortunate implication rather than just making a gay character” I do not agreed with as a good reason to go against a person. If this is a bad writer, if his stories are crappy, if they are filled with unfortunate implications, why would you want him of all people to give gay people representation? I know for a fact that I do not want Stephenie Meyer attempting to make gay romances on the same way she already writes her het ones. There are good queer authors out there who make queer content every day. There are plenty of queer comic artist, queer filmmakers, queer writers, queer artist. So much gay. Even some content from non queer authors that is still good and comes from a genuine place of empathy and understanding. Why not give them more support and recognition instead of keep expecting something out of non queer authors that they aren’t willing to give anyway? If they want to keep making straight content forever and ever, with queer people being an after thought, if they appear at all, they are allowed to do that. There is no law saying they can’t. Just like we are allowed to not give them support, don’t buy their product or don’t like them if we don’t feel like it. Either way, I think queer people are going to be fine.And like, maybe the people you follow have some legit reason sto be angry at him and this was the last draw that broke camel’s back or something, but what I am seeing on twitter right now is a bunch of people calling him creepy, nasty, disgusting, calling him a pedophile, calling pedophile anyone who doesn’t accuse him of a pedophile, comparing him with a autistic trans woman that has suffered incredible amountS of harrasment and ridicule while deadnaming said trans woman, people speculating about what he faps to, people wanting to cancel him, to want him to get out of the internet forever and like... I have probably seen only two tweets even making a light mention of homophobia (and one of them was kinda questionable for me) while still talking about the problematic pairing that, again, was never canon in the first place. Or about the character that is 16, had sex before and none of that was never mentioned on the comics either, only on his tweets, that any fan is totally free to ignore if they want anyway.So, right now, as it stands? I don’t look forward how this is going to advance. I don’t think this is going to end well.He is a bad writer, a bad artist that has some homophobic tendencies he should work out. Probably has an ego problem too, for what I read. Probably unprofessional if I understood the sueing thing correctly. Not the worst thing I have seen.

1 note · View note

greengargouille · 6 years

Text

I spent a good hour of the night thinking about the ace disc//ourse, and I feel my thoughts are still clustered.

The thing, is, I don’t feel like my opinion matter much on the subject, which is why I prefer to reblog informative posts. I identify as an ace lesbian, so technically I belong in both communities concerned, but... I’m a lurker that would rather stay at the limits of those, looking from afar rather than participate. I understand the importance of a community, both for individuals and for protests, but I personally don’t feel the need to be part of it.

This is because I’m in a really privileged position. I know my family and close friends would accept and support me if they learn I like women (with the exception of my father, maybe. He certainly won’t mind if it’s a child of another family, but his own daughter, I wonder). In fact, I did casually came out to my mom and a good friend of mine, and their reaction was nothing but positive. Inversely, I was more wary back when I told everyone I was asexual, because I was worried they would dismiss this or blame it on depression or something like that. This is incredibly lucky, compared to all the LGBT people who put their life in danger for coming out. And I feel my asexuality had played a much bigger role in my life. I’ve only figured out I’m lesbian since... well it will be a year around the middle of this month. I’m not even sure I was one before, or if it’s a case of fluidity. Probably the latter, though.

But. Cases of, as a young child, thinking that since this or that boy did something nice and I admired them then surely I was in love - and that said ‘crushes’ didn’t last long, without me really feeling bad about them ending. Cases of not feeling too bothered about not having ever dated, and being baffled by what was considered attractive in most popular guys. Cases of endless frustration at all those forced het romances shoved in so many stories, or of all those “it will change when you will have a boyfriend :)”. All of those experiences -Compulsive heterosexuality? heteronormativity?- could exist whether or not I had romantic affections to girls I was unaware of.

I think this might be a point of the whole discourse. Whether the goal of the LGBT community is defined as “wanting heteronormativity to end” or “to end oppression” ; those things have a lot of common grounds, but also a lot of difference. And in a case, it makes sense to unit the two community, while not so much in the other.

‘Oh, but heteroromantic aces or heterosexual aros don’t suffer from heteronormativity’, say a tiny gremlin in my head, but don’t they? The expectation of romancing someone of a different sex would hurt all aro anyways, no? And, vice versa, expectation one must be attracted to someone of a different sex will hurt aces, whether they can form a romantic bond or not.

Then, there’s the issue of oppression. I think this is a strong word, and might not be suited for the struggles of the ace community. Prejudice, discrimination, yes. Cases of corrective rape (and the community that coined the term said it was fine to use, so can people stop misinformation on that), increased abuse in relationships, doctors restricting medicine because not feeling attraction must be a side-effect (and more important than overall health), that or therapists sincerely considering a person ‘broken’ for not feeling those and that it have to be corrected. Those are all serious issues, but this is not “your existence is considered illegal in many countries”, this is not “you have a high chance in some places of being kicked out of the house/killed specifically because of your orientation” (rather than because someone assumed the person was gay) [and the point here is ‘high chance’, I’m not saying such a case never happened or will never happen, but proportionally, to the point of it being a concern for the community? I don’t think so].

And a lot of posts I saw (which is to say not that many, tbh, I tried not to get too involved) seemed to be on a binary of “yes ace are oppressed” vs “no ace aren’t oppressed and don’t have any problems”. The conflict would be much clearer if that was the case, but it’s because it falls outside of those two extremes that it’s quite hard to determinate whether or not the ace&aro communities belong. Plus, the ace community does seems to have a bad reputation (dunno about aros, though). I mean, it’s only normal when there is a minority of it (serious or trolling) declaring that acephobia is worse than homophobia or stupid things like that (I do think some of those are just trolls, that might not even be ace), and on the opposite there seems to be some that declare aces to be pedophiles preying on the young questioning people of the community (dang, I still feel uncomfortable remembering that post I once saw at the top of the search on tumblr app). Both sides probably both are a case of ‘they’re a small part of their communities but they’re quite loud so noticeable’? I don’t know, it’s hard to tell from my dash alone.

Added to that is, I think, that there are some misunderstanding that make it hard to take the aces and aros seriously. Words like... queerplatonic, which is different from a strong friendship, at least in the way a lot of aros define it, from what I’ve seen (wanting to marry/live your whole life with/raise children with someone, but still not having romantic feelings for them, is a stade above ‘strong friendship’ for a lot of people). Or demisexual. Actually, I’m still not sure what my stand is on that? Like, some people says ‘demisexual don’t exist it’s just how it works for everyone’, but there are also plenty of people that talk about ‘love at first sight’, which isn’t love so much as infatuation but still romantic/sexual attraction that happens just like that. And, well, if the number of people you’ve been attracted to in your whole life can be counted on the fingers of one hand, then to me your experiences align way more with aces than allo. Ah, another term allo people seems to hate, that. ‘Allo’. The same people that will talk about ‘cishet’, mind you, like, how can one understand that ‘cis’ just mean ‘not trans’ and isn’t an insult, but refuse to wrap their head around ‘allo’ merely meaning ‘not-ace’ or ‘not-aro’ and isn’t some big rude word? Anyways, sorry for this post getting so long. I have a lot of different thoughts that I can’t organise in my head alone, and for all my opinion is worth I still felt like sharing it with my friends?

#personal #long post #in some case I speak of the ace community rather than both the ace and aros but that's because I don't know as much on the subject #I don't know much how they differs and I don't think my opinion matter on that

3 notes · View notes

rotten-zucchinis · 6 years

Text

Reflections on (my) embodied queerness-- Part 3: People reading me unpredictably... or as Shaggy from Scooby Doo

This is part 3 of a 3-part reflection about some aspects of my own embodied queerness. It’s about some of the various ways people seem to “read me” in terms of gender and sexual orientation (mostly), and some of the factors that seem to matter, like context and whom I’m with at the time.

Part 1: Homophobia doesn’t care about “identity” or “attraction” [here]

Part 2: Mis/understandings with some queer family members [here]

I never know how people are going to read me. It really depends on the context, who I’m with, and who they are. For example, it’s next to impossible to be read as “non-binary” by cis folks-- the options are usually “woman”, “man” and “indeterminate freak who is invariably either a woman or a man even if I can’t tell which right now”. Typically I’m read as a woman, albeit never a straight woman. On rare occasions, I’m very briefly read as a man, until I open my mouth and the judgement jumps to “woman”.

It doesn’t really have much to do with “outedness” for me or how open I am about various identity labels. There are a few contexts where I’m not out as a non-binary person. I’m not hiding anything and if people know what to look for it’s pretty clear. But often, people don’t know what they’re looking at. Mostly, other non-binary people recognise me as presenting fairly “non-binary” (even if it isn’t one of the non-binary archetypes). But cis people don’t.

And while I’m about as out as humanly possible about being ace, it’s not necessarily something people can typically (at this point in time) be read as by strangers, barring any explicit declarations via clothing or buttons, etc. Nevertheless it’s something that often comes up pretty quickly even with casual acquaintances, largely because I spend so much time doing ace stuff and live in an ace space with ace roommates. It’s pretty much something I’m comfortable talking about at any point in time, with anyone. I do a lot of educational work in educational contexts and elsewhere too-- like when strangers in places like grocery stores see a button or patch I have on me and ask. So it doesn’t take much for people to learn I come with an “asexual” label and therefore to apply it (if they believe in such things... or defiantly classify me otherwise if they don’t). Still, that doesn’t usually happen with strangers on sight.

I’m not usually read on site by strangers as a “queer, non-binary aroace”. I’m usually read on site by strangers as some kind of queer freak-- usually of the dyke variety-- sometimes trans. What kind of trans? That depends and/or who even knows?

I can’t separate the various aspects of my identity that might be informing people reading me dyke-wise-- is it my non-binariness? my aceness? my aroness? my aroaceness? my queerness? some permutation of those? all of them together? There’s no way to know. And occasionally and unpredictably, I’m read as a young (gay and/or trans) boy by women for no clear reason (though almost never read as a man by men).

What I do know is that heterosexism and sexism are the main regulatory forces I encounter in the world. The gender-policing I encounter is typically from those blunt instruments and generally not from any explicit transphobic targeting of my transness. While someone might ask me “what” I am (re: gender), I won’t get beat up for “being trans”. I might get harassed for “being a dyke” or possibly (though not likely) for “being a fag”.

Having said that, how people read me is often informed by those around me. When I’m out with my sister, people tend to read me as a butch (lesbian), even though I’m not especially masculine. Often people seem to read us as a couple (which is uncomfortable). Occasionally people read me as her tomboy little sister (which is really weird because I’m the older one... and also *well* beyond my teen years). But age is tricky-- and there's trans age magic!

In particular, when I’m out with my “unspecified vegetable” (i.e., UV)[1], heteronormativity encourages people to read one of us as a dude, even if we won’t read “straight” when we’re mapped onto a pairing of bodies gendered differently. And amatonormativity encourages people to read us as a couple, especially since so many of the places we frequent are places where people are assumed to have an intimate or family relationship when they’re there together- medical offices, pharmacies, grocery stores, etc.

Pharmacies and doctor’s offices are where I’m most likely to be read as a guy (albeit a gay trans guy accompanying my boyfriend?) At one particular doctor’s office *some* staff read us *both* as men-- I think they think we’re a gay couple-- but confusion always ensues because someone else there also thinks I’m also the “female friend”. (This is particularly amusing because neither of us is a man.)

But generally, it’s hit and miss. Are we a couple of gay dudes? Are we a lesbian couple? Are we just an ambiguous cloud of “together trans-GAY”? (That’s certainly what we seemed to be back when my UV was less disabled, less fat, had a beard and wore much more flamboyant clothing and make-up.)

How my UV is read usually depends at least somewhat on how they are presenting-- their clothing and hair, the visible shape of their chest, whether they’ve recently shaved or are wearing any makeup, etc. But people gender them all over the place with no apparent rhyme or reason, sometimes in the most contradictory and humorous ways. Other complicating factors have to do with social readings of disabled, fat bodies-- which is often “no gender” (and no personhood for that matter).

Sometimes people think I’m my UV’s caregiver, in which case, I’m a “woman” and they’re a non-gendered non-person. I’m not sure exactly what leads to the assessment that my UV must be needing a care-giver in those moments. Maybe it’s something to do with how, not only can disabled people not use money [explanation] but visibly disabled people using walkers (or wheelchairs!) can’t have friends or partners or people generally choosing to associate with them (at least not while they’re actually using their walkers or wheelchairs). //sarcasm//

Sometimes though, how people read me is a little surreal:

dude-seeming person calling me from across a parking lot: “Hey, you look like Shaggy[2] from Scooby Doo!”

me [is neither tall nor thin; is wearing a plaid shirt, baggy plaid 3/4 length pants and a plaid hat]: “...”

dude-seeming person again calling me from across a parking lot: “Hey, over here! You look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo!”

me [is unsure how to respond]: “Fair enough”

dude-seeming person still calling me from across a parking lot: “Is it fair enough? Do you agree?”

me: “I'm not wearing a green shirt.”

dude-seeming person still calling me from across a parking lot: “It's fucked up that you're a girl. But you look like Shaggy.”

me: “...” [shrugs... and leaves]

{During that interaction, I was engaged in the familiar act of trying to put a walker that I’m not really strong enough to lift into a car without resting it on my bad knee. I left as soon as I could. And throughout the interaction, the person calling at me never acknowledged the presence of my UV.}

Maybe that just says it all: it’s fucked up that I’m a girl and simultaneously Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

[1] “Zucchini” refers to a counterpart in a QP relationship (i.e., a relationship that isn’t a romantic relationship but that also isn’t adequately or properly described as a “friendship”). It’s not uncommon for people to use other vegetables, especially in or near the squash or eggplant family. I used to refer to my relationship mate(s) as an acorn squash but circumstances have changed somewhat and we still haven’t settled on a new vegetable to reflect that. But since they’re not comfortable with the specific word “queerplatonic”, I don’t want to use “QPP” here.

[2] The character of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo [ explanation ] is a tall and lanky stoner-dude cartoon character who hangs out with his large dog ( Scooby-Doo ) and solves cartoon-mysteries with his human-friends. He always wears the same clothes. And he looks nothing like me, except a mild similarity between my hair and the hair of Matthew Lillard when he portrayed Shaggy in the live-action movie [ image ].

#queer #ace #aroace #non-binary #arospec #amatonormativity #homophobia mention cw #embodiment #how people read me #ableism mention cw #heterosexism discussion cw #my ramblings #I actually don't think I look anything like Shaggy from Scooby Doo #And I'm certainly nothing like the character in terms of personality #queued

6 notes · View notes

singwhenyoucantspeak · 6 years

Text

So, I’m seeing a lot of ace discourse on my dash today, which is an odd coincidence since this is a topic i had a very long in depth conversation about yesterday with another friend. While I often reblog posts to signal boost information about asexuality and particular experiences of acephobia, I realized I have never really made a post or spoken up about it myself. With this in mind, I have decided to post a summation of the comments I made to my friend yesterday to let you all know what my thoughts are and why I personally believe we need to fight against the acephobia present in our community and support ace and aro people of all positions on the spectrum. That said, I don’t really feel like going through and editing everything I said yesterday, so I apologize if the following has tone issues or spelling errors etc, I’m just copying and pasting what I said in this conversation. I also want to note here that I myself am not on the ace/aro spectrum, I am lesbian/queer. The question posed to me was basically what is my stance on the discourse, and this is some of my response:

I'm against gatekeeping. Ace people of all romantic orientations experience oppression from normative society. Inter LGBT+ community prejudice is strong between all sectors. Biphobobia, transphobia, and even lesbophobia are extremely prevalent as is sexism from gay men and yet we HAVE to work together as a community. Are some ace people who are heteroromantic homophobic? Probably but a lot of gay people also do homophobic shit and I've read enough and seen enough in the world to know ace people are oppressed by heteronormative society even if they are heteroromantic, and the same goes for aromantic people who might be heterosexual. But, tbh many many ace people are also aro and a lot of the non ace community wants to pretend like that's not a thing and that since they don't experience any same sex attraction they should get out of the community, which is stupid. There are also hetero trans people so using same sex attraction as the measuring point or definition for belonging in the queer/LGBT+ community doesn't work anyway. So yes it sucks when anyone the queer community does something prejudice or holds prejudice views and there are ace people who do, but they are still not privileged in society and to say they are is to ignore multitudes of proven life experience which is VERY dangerous for all kinds of reasons.

And we as a community HAVE to form coalition regardless of what inter prejudice we have or else we CANNOT combat the current heteronormative hegemony. We have to respect each other and work together if we want to destroy the system that is oppressing all if us, even if sometimes it sucks. But tbh I've seen wayyyyyyy more shitty acephobic lesbians on here and actually not a single homophobic ace person so yeah that's just one instance of my personal experience but I think gatekeepers exaggerate the problem they bring up and need to look at their own selves and their own ability to listen to others with empathy. Because unfortunately we all rely on society learning to listen to us with empathy. Even with coalition there is not enough of us to change society without straight allies and how can we be so hypocritical as to expect religious heteros to put aside their beliefs and listen to us with empathy and change their views if we cannot do the same within our own community.

Also I think maybe it's important to note that my stance on this issue wasn't made based on Tumblr discourse alone. I actually came to this position while taking the queer theory course in my last year of undergrad and reading a bunch of scholarly work that also discussed this so I'm not just randomly jumping on whatever train my favorite blog is on... If that makes sense. I point that out not to be elitist about academia, but because I think that there is a common occurrence on Tumblr as well that people just pick up whatever stance on an issue that a blog they admire holds, I've in fact even found myself guilty of that, so with something this fraught with conflict I think it is important to self reflect and make sure that's not what I'm doing.

I've also noticed a pattern in which many acephobes are also transphobes. And I think it comes from this paranoia of thinking that cis straight men are trying to infiltrate our community for some reason... Tbh I don't understand it. It's the idea that trans lesbians are really straight men in disguise and in a similar way ace people are really straights in disguise... It's so problematic and unnecessary.

I've reblogged quite a few pieces of writing on what oppression is like as an ace person if you're interested in reading some of that, I will include links to some resources at the bottom of this post. Because they do experiences a very different kind of marginalization than lesbians or gay men, so I think sometimes it's hard for monosexual L/G people to quite understand.

But I also want to make it clear that being ace is NOT an excuse for doing homophobic shit. So I'm definitely not advocating to not call out homophobia when you see it. Just that we should be addressing it on an individual bases in terms of individual actions, not advocating to exclude an entire group from our community out of fear that they might have prejudice.

i'm also just gonna add a couple things: there is definitely a difficulty in the fact that ace people and sexual queer people want and need very different things and that creates problems when trying to make a space that is safe and inclusive of both. Because queer people do not have the freedom to express their sexuality in heteronormative spaces so they rely on queer spaces to do that but sex repulsed aces can then find those sexualized spaces to be very hostile environments. The problem is that telling queer people not to express their sexuality in every queer space because it is hostile toward ace people IS homophobic. we need both kinds of queer spaces. Because queer people NEED a space to safely express themselves and their sexuality. But ace people and also younger queer people need the non sexualized safe spaces as well so we need BOTH. and people don't seem to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that it doesn't have to be either or. Ace people need to self police and know when they are going into a space that may not be comfortable for them, but at the same time queer people need to recognize the importance of having equal opportunities of safe spaces that are not hypersexualized. it's hard because there are so few opportunities for physicals spaces for us in GENERAL that it seems almost impossible to guarantee we are providing for the both, and the easy out is to just decide to exclude someone. but while that is an easy answer, it's not a good answer.

at the same time, again it gets very very complicated with relationships. some of the reports of acephobia on that lists I have linked I think need more detail because i do not believe a queer person who wants a sex life should be forced to be celibate because their partner comes out as ace. That is a case in which two people find out they want very different things, and while it sucks, a relationship is likely not going to work out. BUT, the way that that is handled is what makes the difference between it ending up as acephobic or not. and tbh I've been thinking a lot about this and I think part of the problem is that asexuality is so unkown. it really needs to be a conversation before the relationship gets too serious, but a lot of ace people do not know they are ace before they've ended up in a serious relationship. so the fact that ace people continue to get broken up with BECAUSE they are ace is a symptom of acephobia, not because their individual partners are necessarily acephobic, but because the system forced them both into that situation in the first place.

tbh I think the solution to is, is actually sex positivity, which needs to be understood as NOT the same thing as the forced/hyper heterosexuality that the media enforces now. I mean as in open conversation about sex and sexuality and sex education. I think part of the problem is that because the dominant christian culture is so weird about sex, there is a lot of argument toward ace people of "Oh you're not ace, you are just repressed and need to learn how to appreciate sex. sex is weird for everyone at first, but you get used to it and learn to love it, you just need to give it a chance." I think it'd be helpful to get rid of that weird ass christian repressive culture because then it is more clear that asexuality is a real thing and that a person's awkwardness toward sex due to a sexually repressive religious upbringing is in fact NOT the same experience as people who do not have sex drive and do not enjoy sex. because a sexually repressed person who feels that way due to christian upbringing can and will learn to become more comfortable with sex (I AM CASE IN POINT) but an asexual person CANNOT and trying to force them to is very harmful/painful for them.

So yes, it's a shitfest of complicated issues, but that is just my take on it. also aphobia and biphobia sometimes go hand in hand due to this issue: https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/157331442151/straight-couples-shouldnt-be-at-pride so just another thing to think about. In the end, I’ve noticed that most gatekeeping heavily relies on heteronormativity which is like the exact thing we are trying to dismantle.

Links to resources:

this one has a LOT of info, especially if you keep reading down to the bottom with the tons of links https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/163230928631/its-all-a-fucking-joke-right

i don't know a lot about the blog posting this but seems like a source of more info https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/127991052391/bhryn-asexualthings-asexuality-is-an

https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/103997214821/prettyarbitrary-oreides-pungeon-mistress

also this an example of why from the standpoint of representation etc. ace people need our support https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/156705124231/how-is-riverdale-queerbating-and-ace-erasure

There are probably more posts that I have reblogged with more or better info but this is what I could find since i never tagged any of it. Also, if any ace/aro people have input they want to add or want to discuss anything I said please feel free to sent me an ask, a private message, or just comment on this post.

#long post #asexulality

7 notes · View notes

procyon-podcast-network · 7 years

Text

HOME STRETCH! Our Kickstarter still has a little over one day left to go. We’re funded, but we would love to reach our stretch goal so we can pay all the hardworking folks who volunteered to help us make it possible. People like our artist, (@theoutsidervevo) sound engineer (@shapechangersinwinter) and musician (@sounddesignerjeans).

During our campaign Andrea Klassen (our Certified Journalist on the team and co-writer/producer for Station to Station) did interviews with the creative teams of all our shows. In case folks on the tumble missed it, we’re also posting it here!

Below the cut: Station to Station writer’s room insider with Alex Yun and Andrea Klassen on inspiration, horror, and representation in genre fiction.

When Dr Miranda Quan embarks on an 10-week research cruise in the Pacific Ocean, she expects two months of no-nonsense experiments, bad Titanic jokes and marathoning Grey’s Anatomy. Instead, her lab partner has vanished, leaving nothing but a notebook full of illogical ramblings, a voice recorder, and a half-finished maths problem she has to solve. With a storm moving in and something sinister lurking below decks, Miranda must untangle the conspiracy surrounding her or be consumed.

AK: It's really satisfying to write women who get to be flawed heroes in all the ways male protagonists do too. With moments of bad judgement and moral conflict and selfishness and stubbornness. Also as a queer woman it's... just nice to get write characters whose stories aren't tied to homophobia — where someone can have a crush on another woman, but that's not the source of conflict the way horrifying science conspiracies are.

AY: Exactly. And the reason that we do this — the point of PPN — is to create narrative space for ourselves in genre fiction, be it horror or sci-fi or fantasy, where we are allowed to take up that space and drive that narrative. We deserve to be front and centre, to have our stories not end in tragedy, to have stories that doesn't just mimic the current way the media treats marginalised identities. It is not niche to put non-white, non-straight bodies into narratives that have been historically excluding of them.

The idea that diverse stories are less appealing is based on constructed ideas of what "the norm" looks like - it's tied to the experience of what it means to be the "default" and what it means to be the Other.

The rest is below the cut!

Andrea Klassen (co-writer, Station to Station): In an effort to hold onto the old Q&A format for one question — where did the idea come from for Station to Station?

Alex Yun (creator, Station to Station): I have scientist friend who goes on these types of research cruises once a year and has for the two-three years I've known her. She talked about it last time she went (or was about to leave, back in October/November), I thought 'this reminds me a bit of Wolf 359' which lead to 'this would make a good podcast' and that's how the original idea was formed.

AK: I remember when you first talked about it, there was something so appealing about that setup. Even before we'd really delved into what was going to happen in season one, there's that combination of forced isolation and forced camaraderie. No one's alone on a research vessel, but you're very much stuck with what you've got, for better or worse... and in this case, maybe a little more of the worse.

AY: Right, and that's how it turned from 'slice-of-life dramedy with slightly creepy science' to full-blown sci-fi conspiracy horror. The restrictions of being stuck in confined space, of being unable to escape because you're literally hundreds of kilometres out at sea — that all feeds into the paranoia, the unease, and the claustrophobia of horror.

AK: Yeah, and I think all those same things are reasons this is a story that's so interesting to tell in podcast form. My favourite horror has never been the stuff that's about slicing up people — it's withheld information, the stuff just outside your peripheral vision, that sense there's something going on you don't understand. A medium that's entirely what you can hear is so ripe for that.

AY: I think a big component to horror is helplessness. When you look at these classic horror movies, so many of them are about being stuck in a building, in a room, in a house — and then adding in the growing fear and sense of wrongness that comes from the unknown and truly unnatural. The best horror is psychological. I'm not really interested in gore as a trope. There are a lot of other fears you can delve into that's simply more...interesting and rewarding as a setup. Especially when you tap into the natural-reaction gut-instinct kind of scary.

The best thing with audio is that you get unlimited ways to play with perception. 'Nothing is scarier' is a favourite trope of mine and audio is perfect for that precisely because it's non-visual. It leaves a lot of room for imagination and painting the medium.

I'm honestly not a big fan of horror films precisely because of how many rely on cheap tropes like body horror, jump scares and gore, but I have loved conspiracy thrillers because they deliver the same punch of fighting against something bigger and unknown — so I suppose I wanted to create something that used similar tropes, but that I would be able to listen to and not bug out in the middle.

AK: I love ‘nothing is scarier’ too, and if you think about it, we've got a very literal use of it here — no spoilers, but nothing really is the scariest thing going on in this show in a lot of ways.

AY: Right, the vast empty abyss of the void beyond when you're in the middle of nowhere. Which is always fun to joke about, until you start exploring what it means, and how to make use of the.... let's call it the instinctual human unease towards the unknown.

AK: One of the things that's been a lot of fun there is that at the centre of this story we have this trio of very different, complex women who do paranoia and unease in such completely different ways. (I wanna gush about our characters, Alex. I wanna gush.)

AY: That was something interesting to explore — coming up with different perspectives, different voices, different character motivations was definitely a learning experience for me as a writer as well. We have three extremely competent women of colour at the centre of things trying to solve this eldritch, unexplainable, larger-than-yourself mystery and it is very gratifying.

AK: I think it's also deeply informed the kind of story we're writing. Horror can be pretty individualistic — final girls, a single protagonist getting to the bottom of everything — but when you're telling stories about people for whom finding safe community is an essential part of survival in everyday real life, it changes the narrative.

Questions of trust are so central to this story — both who you can trust when things go wrong, and how that trust or lack of it plays out. While in this case there's a conspiracy motivating our characters, these are questions that I think resonate on a pretty personal level if you're a person with any kind of marginalised identity.

AY: Right, and being aware of the real-life subtext is vital if we want to create something unique. Every piece of fiction has multiple layers to it, and every piece of fiction is measured against the meta-narrative it exists in. We're doing a horror-sci-fi in a medium that's abundant with horror-scifi — so it's obviously important to be aware of how we build it. It's been a challenge balancing character moments and not overcomplicating plot, but that's why themes of found families and solidarity and momentary allies an integral structure of the story.

But when all is said, I'm fairly satisfied with what we've got so far — I've enjoyed working with you, I love our cast, and I'm looking forward to bringing this thing to life.

Station to Station launches this summer. For updates, check us out at s2s-podcast.tumblr.com or follow us on Twitter @S2SPodcast.

#station to station #procyon podcast network #s2s podcast #representation matters #diversity in sff #supportpocpods #p: station to station

94 notes · View notes