#* me reading this over and being mind blown about all the times i'm learning about my own damn oc

[theragethatisdesire]

aot men as dads - headcanon!! some 18+!!

includes: eren, jean, reiner, & levi

i'm still working on some full-fledged one-shots and parts of my series', but i'm nannying for the summer and have BABY FEVER. please enjoy my little headcanons of my fav aot men as dads <3

DISCLAIMER: some of this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

Eren

ok but eren is such a cringe dad lol

buys himself all of the #1 Dad! merch. he’s got mugs, tshirts, hats, all of it, and all of it went on his credit card.

10000% a girl dad. loves all the little dresses and bows; he puts your daughter’s hair in its first bun, nearly tears up when she points at his matching hairstyle and babbles “like da-da!”

you have to parent eren as much as the children. when you turn the corner into the living room where he’s supposed to be having “quiet time” with your toddler only to find that they’re buried in a pillow fort and eren’s signed his own name in crayon on the wall next to your daughter’s scribblings. “babe, we can just repaint it! she’s being creative.”

loves when you’re pregnant. after your first, eren keeps a calendar on the wall marking off the days until it’s safe for him to fuck you again, fuck a baby right back into you. already has a breeding kink before your first. develops a lactation kink after.

TERRIFIED (and i mean terrified) of hurting your little angel. has absolutely zero concept of “cry it out”; if he hears his baby crying, he’s sprinting into the next room, kissing a nonexistent boo-boo.

refuses to admit it but he has no backbone when it comes to your daughter wanting literally anything. she wants it, she gets it.

favorite thing in the world is matching outfits. favorite. “babe, where’s her green hoodie? i’m wearing mine today for the park!” “of course it matters, we have to match! on that note, where’s yours?”

lets your daughter use his hair to learn how to braid. usually has a few pink hair ties or glittery clips sticking out of it when you come home from a mom’s night out.

really big on your baby getting to see the world. drags you on vacation to any place he can think of, even as you try to explain to him that she can’t form any long term memories yet. “but baby, she’ll have pictures. how many kids in her class can bring a picture of them at the eiffel tower to their first show-and-tell?”

accidentally ruins santa and the tooth fairy for your daughter. cries harder than she does over it.

aggressively vets babysitters. ends up settling for a nursing student in the labor & delivery school who’s the oldest of seven children and probably more knowledgeable about child development than both of you combined, but he’s still suspicious.

wants to watch while you push, watch his baby come into the world. you’ve never seen a sweeter sight than eren in his scrubs, crying while holding your baby girl.

Jean

most people picture eren as being the roughhousing dad, but it’s jean, and i will die on this hill.

freaks out every time he drops your first boy while throwing him around like a ragdoll, but he’ll never stop because “listen!! he’s laughing!”. when it comes to the rest of them, he’s experienced enough now to tell the difference between a real booboo and an imagined one, and he simply brushes their little pants off caringly before shouting “now you tackle me!”

jean’s got no gender preference for your first, or the rest of your little brood for that matter. he raises them exactly the same, regardless: tough.

it takes him awhile to get used to the concept of babies’ minds. you’ve walked in on him having full-blown arguments with your shrieking toddlers several times. “what’s not making sense? if you let your goldfish ‘swim’ in the toilet, it dies, simple as that.”

plays “bad cop” for you because you’re terrible at it, but he’s always having to turn around and snicker into his elbow in the middle of scolding because your babies get the same little throbbing forehead vein as you when they’re mad

wants a big family, and gets it. you practically have to drag him to get his balls snipped after your fourth, him reminding you that “it’s reversible!” the entire way there.

the newborn phase is his favorite. he’s rarely home for any longer than ten minutes without scooping your most recent addition into his arms, squishing their little cheeks and marveling at their gurgling noises.

the kids never give him anxiety, but when you’re pregnant??? jean’s a wreck.

“do your feet still hurt, love?” “what do you mean you have indigestion? that could be the baby coming!” “of course we can’t have sex, what if we poke its little head?”

definitely the dad that’s got a delivery bag and a backup bag and an emergency third backup of the backup bag in his car at all times. the first week of your third trimester, he starts watching you suspiciously for any signs of labor, even though this is your fourth together. you think you’ve got it down by now, you tell him, but he won’t listen.

always gets the kids to work together on little surprises for you. every mother’s day they wake you up with breakfast, every valentines day your dining room table is covered in handmade cards, every birthday your kitchen is coated in flour from jean and four little ones attempting to bake

SO HARD to drag him out for a date night. he wants to bring them everywhere: the fancy restaurant, the couples' get away trip

jean's that dad standing in the bar, watching the game, beer in hand, with an occupied baby carrier strapped to his chest

wants to watch during delivery, but he passed out the first go-round, so now he’s content standing up by your head, trying not to turn white as you squeeze his hand hard enough to break.

talks you into just one more on your fourth’s second birthday. “they’re all so big now. don’t you miss it, babe? my baby in your belly? c’mon…” turns out he reversed that vasectomy without telling you

Reiner

another girl dad. hardcore girl dad.

buys his little princess all number of dresses and barbies, is confused when she’s more interested in the baseballs her classmates have.

accidentally raises the most tomboyish, toughest little girl. still babies her, and she hates it.

cries more than you do on your first date night out when you leave her with your mom. forgets to order his entree at the restaurant because he’s watching the baby monitor app on his phone.

definitely the best at splitting baby duties with you. reiner’s up before you most nights when she wakes, grabbing a bottle and cooing at her lovingly even as she screams. you always try to stay awake to watch him on the baby monitor, though, heart melting as his massive arms rock the tiny bundle back to sleep.

all the neighborhood kids love him because of his size. at every cookout, reiner can’t help on the grill because he’s buried in the grass in a little army of toddlers, led by your daughter, shrieking with joy.

always taking pictures. literally always. unflattering ones when you fall asleep breastfeeding, candids at the zoo, eighteen identical pictures of the lock of hair from her first haircut clogging up his camera roll.

can’t be the bad cop. literally ever. he just can’t say no to his little princess, can’t break her precious little heart by telling her that throwing her food onto the floor is bad.

takes your daughter to mommy & me classes with him

DILF DILF DILF. all the moms in the classes swoon over him and gossip about him when he’s not there; much to your annoyance, reiner never notices, insisting that they’re his “mommy friends”.

always sporting a little bit of glitter on his face or a sticker on his back from your daughter

coming from a fatherless background, reiner nearly kills himself trying to be a constant presence in your daughter’s life (you have to remind him that he has to rest too)

never misses an open house night at school, even if it nearly gets him fired. coaches all of her sports teams. literally almost cries when she makes her first soccer goal. actually does cry when she tells you the boy sitting beside her in class called her his girlfriend. full-blown breakdown on her first day of school, so bad he has to stay home from work.

the absolute BEST through your pregnancy and delivery. always cooking your craving of the week, constant foot and back rubs, stays up all night with you for the three days before the birth when you’re just too swollen and miserable to sleep.

holds your hand through the entire delivery, gets in the doctors’ way when they’re performing checkups because “i’m her father, i need to know what’s going on”

Levi

levi never pictured himself as having children, but when your little surprise arrives, blinking up at levi with his own grey, owlish eyes, levi can’t believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner.

very easily irritated with anyone asking questions about your home life.

when his coworkers ask for your newborn’s name, levi simply says “child.” are you two trying again? “why the fuck do you need to know?”

super overprotective. your baby waves at someone in the supermarket, and levi’s leaning down to explain (in words your eight-month-old can’t yet understand) stranger danger.

totally one of those parents that goes half-crazy trying to get their child into the top-notch, snobby preschool in town.

“we’re not wasting his intelligence on the public school”

levi grew up with basically nothing, so he goes all out buying the best baby products on the market. $2,500 strollers, researching “best baby toys for development”, the whole nine yards.

100% spends months trying to get your child to make a game out of picking up his own toys after playtime, but it never works.

has a meal plan for your child to “optimize nutrition” that you have to sneak around to give your baby little chocolates and junk snacks.

“why are there pringles in his playtime bag? they have no nutritional value.”

vets anyone that comes around your child, even other children. “no more playtime with that evan kid. he’s always got a cold or something.”

he’s always been a light sleeper, but once you have your child, levi snores beside them watching kids’ cartoons on the tv like you’ve never seen him, even drooling as his head lolls, arm tucked tight around your little one.

learned everything he could about labor and delivery beforehand

you almost killed him in the delivery room as he explained each medical detail of your labor symptoms to “reassure” you. he finally got the hint when you threatened to decapitate him.

he thinks it’s shameful, but watching you be a mother turns. him. on. 

wants to take you right there when he catches you breastfeeding, watches you read a bedtime story, spin your child around laughing. you’re just so naturally good at it and it makes him love you all the more, all that love going straight between his legs.

#ok i'm actually quite proud of this bc its really cute #headcanons #aot headcanons #aot x reader #aot imagines #levi ackerman #levi x reader #reiner braun #reiner x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman headcanons #levi scenarios #reiner scenarios #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun headcanons #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger headcanons #eren jaeger #eren x reader #jean x reader #jean kirschstein x reader

[shewrites444]

secrets [xavier thorpe x reader smut]

written by me & me only!!! enjoy ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

word count - 2.4k

[summary: the reader and xavier have been hooking up since the semester started, but when he suddenly goes ghost after awhile, the reader learns that his feelings for her venture far more than what lies on the surface.]

[warnings: rough sex, car sex, choking, spitting, daddy kink, dirty talk, dominant male]

-

xavier thorpe wasn't the most sought out guy at nevermore, surprisingly, but when his ex girlfriend, bianca, sent me a text that read, i'm going to tell everyone your secret, i quickly realized that he may be more well-known than what i thought. the fact they dated last year slipped my mind, but i was also a transfer student, so its not like i knew every piece of drama this school had.

we had been hooking up since the beginning of this semester, originally starting as just a one time thing after the rave'n that eventually lead into basically anytime we saw each other. i never found myself in the time or place for a relationship, and he said he felt the same way, so having sex really meant nothing other than a good time. sure, we'd hang out after, maybe go paint in his art studio or go to his dorm, but it really wasn't that big of a deal.

except for tonight.

xavier was being really weird and had been for about the past week, barely answering my texts and when he did, it was just one or two word answers. i was genuinely concerned about him, and that maybe that text from bianca was something he knew about, so he possibly wanted to keep his distance from me. either way, i would prefer him to just tell me to my face that this was over with, so despite how nervous i was, i planned on sneaking out to his art studio tonight because if he wasn't at his dorm, that's where he'd be.

glancing at my phone, i watched as the clock finally hit midnight and i got out of bed, grabbing my black sweatshirt and slipping it on over my top. i walked quietly out of my dorm and down the stairs, opening one of the windows and made my way to his studio through the foggy and damp forest.

glancing through the windows, i noticed all the lights were out, but i opened the doors anyway, shutting them slowly behind me and turning on the light. most of his paintings were visions he had through his dreams, so pretty creepy stuff, but nothing i couldn't handle. i looked around, accidently tripping on a long sheet covering a relatively large canvas. it dropped to the floor and i quickly leaned down to pick it up if he for some reason were to come inside.

looking up, i saw a painting that was definitely not a vision. my eyes widened and my cheeks reddened as i scanned the drying canvas up and down to see a rather explicit drawing of no one other than myself. it was genuinely indescribable to say the least, but also incredible artwork at the same time. before i could even process it, i heard the door open and i gasped, turning to see a very embarrassed xavier.

he walked over rather quickly and grabbed the sheet from me, hanging it back over the painting and grabbed my hand, clearly frustrated.

"what the hell, [y/n]! you were never supposed to see that, like, ever.. why are you in here? a text would have been nice, you know.."

"i-i just wanted to talk to you, i don't know!" i stammer, looking down at the floor and avoiding eye contact as much as i could. "not like you would have answered my text anyway." i mutter and i cross my arms, shaking my head in confusion. "i'm not judging you, but like.. why would you draw that if you don't even want me in your life anymore? you've like full-blown ghosted me this entire week. did i do something?"

xavier ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head and sighing heavily. "no, [y/n], you did nothing wrong, you never have.."

i raise my brow and glance up to him and his flushed expression, "then why are you acting like this? did someone find out what was going on between us?"

"i know about what bianca said, [y/n], but she isn't going to hurt either of us. she just wants to start drama." xavier explained, scratching the back of his head as he built up the courage to say what he was trying to say. "it's just too complicated to explain, i don't want to talk about it."

i frown in frustration and turn the other way, walking out of the art shed when xavier frantically follows behind me as i walk through the sprinkling rain and towards nevermore. there was no sense in standing around if the conversation, and our friendship, was not going to go anywhere. the entire situation would hurt less if i just went to my dorm and to sleep.

"woah, what are you doing? you're really just going to leave, and walk all the way back in the rain?" xavier shouts, walking behind me with a fast pace to keep up as i trudge through the muddy woods.

i nod, pulling my hood over my head. "yep! since you can't even give me any explanation, i don't want to waste my time."

i feel xavier grab the top of my arm and drag me a few feet down to a parked car, which was his, and open the back door, pushing me in and shutting it behind me. i sit there with widened eyes, watching him get in next to me and shut the door behind him. my brow raises and i lean against the door, one hand resting on it to open it, unless he finally told me what was going on.

"fine, [y/n]. if you want the truth, it's that i like you, and that is going to ruin everything going on between us. i've liked you for awhile now, and yeah, i push it to the back of my head the best i can when i'm with you, but the more i'm with you, the worse this all gets."

i take my hand away from the door and sympathetically look up to a vulnerable xavier, reaching over to take his hand and hold it gently. "you know you could have just told me instead of ignore me over text, and in class. this kind of thing happens all the time in a friends with benefits kind of situation. we work it out together, and you can't expect me to express my own feelings about it when you don't even ask me."

xavier pulls away from my hand and rubs his forehead with both hands, looking down in frustration with himself and the situation. "but you don't understand. yeah, i wanted to tell you this earlier, but it's all so confusing, and frankly, kind of dark.. i have a lot of romantic feelings for you, but the more i like you, the more i want to do things to you.. like.. things that are way more intense than what we do now.."

i grin, tucking my hair behind my ears and leaning closer, our faces inches apart, the heat between our breaths grazing against each other's lips. "tell me what you want to do to me."

he bites his bottom lip, shaking his head with a smirk and looking down. "i think i'd rather just do it to you, then tell you. but you need to tell me how you feel first. about everything. i want you to be sure."

"i like you too." i admit, smiling softly to him. "so fuck me, or whatever this fantasy of yours entails, and we can go from there."

he reaches over to cup my cheeks, slamming his soft lips against mine as we begin to kiss, my hands venturing down to his waist as i slide his sweatpants down, grazing against his hardening dick that strained in his underwear, then making the fabric the next thing i took off. i took his dick in one hand and began to jerk him off, earning a few months from his lips as we continued to make out. i feel xavier push his weight on me, making me sink into the seat below me as he breaks our kiss and motions his body to where my hand slides off him.

xavier grabs my sweatshirt and pulls it off, along with my top, pulling my bra down to attach his lips to one of my nipples, using one hand to hold my own, as the other reaches down to my own pants, sliding them down with my help as i wiggle out of them. i feel him slide my panties to the side as well, pumping one finger inside of me.

i moan, moving one hand to hold the back of his head, grabbing his hair and sliding my fingers through it. i close my eyes and spread my legs to allow him in further as he slides another finger in.

he pulls himself away from my nipple and looks up to me to peck my lips. "you like that, baby? do you want me to fuck you yet?"

"y-yes.." i nod, looking up to meet his eyes in the darkened light as he pulls his fingers out of me and sits up, taking his top off. i lean down to pull my underwear off before he stops me, taking my hand and pushing it back to my side. he moves himself to grab me by the hips, helping me sit up and turn me to face the center console of his car, leaning my body down and positioning himself behind me. i feel him press his dick against my folds, slowly sliding the tip in before starting a rhythm.

he leans down to kiss my cheek, licking the side before nibbling on my ear and motioning one hand to wrap around the back of my neck. his fingers grip my skin as his roughness begins to build up, his other hand now placed on my clit as he begins to rub in a circular motion, earning a heavy gasp on my end while he stimulates me.

"you feel so good, [y/n]... you gonna come for me, hm?" xavier asked softly as i nod. he then moves his hand from my throat to my ass, slapping it harshly as i yip in surprise. "you don't cum until i say so, or this is going to go on for way longer than what you can handle."

i giggle, turning my head to glance to him. "you're funny. you know i like a fuckton of stimulation."

xavier clicked his tongue at my remark, grabbing me by the waist and pulling my body towards him as he sits on the seat, slamming me down on him and i gasp, shock sending through my body as he length pushes itself into me. he continues to rub my clit, and wraps one arm around my waist, holding my tightly.

"go on and bounce on daddy's dick, if you wanna say shit like that." he scoffs, holding me tightly as i begin to ride him, my feet planted against the seat while i take each and every inch of him. i feel him grunt with every thrust, our moans mixing together as we pleasure each other.

"i didn't know you were so dominant, xav..." i mutter, both my hands on his knees as i move. "it's really hot, to be honest.."

xavier grinned, grabbing my hair with his hand after moving it off my waist. "oh really? if you think so, then why don't you let me take it a step further."

"whatever you want, daddy."

and with my permission, he helped to turn my around to face him, leaning me down on the seat once again, locking our lips as he repositions himself inside me. he begins to thrust again, this time a bit softer than what he was doing before. i feel him take my hands and hold them both above my head. he looks down to me and smirks, tilting his head.

"open your mouth."

i do so almost instantly and feel his spit hit the back of my throat and i swallow, our eyes locked through each and every stroke, and breath we take. he bites his top lip, picking up his pace to the point my head hits the car door a bit, but i barely even notice from the amount of stimulation coming from his thrusts. i close my eyes and hang my mouth open, moans filling the silence other than the slaps between our skin.

he moves his free hand to hold my throat once again, but from the front of my neck. just when i thought he couldn't go any harder, xavier lets go of my wrists and moves his hand to cover my mouth as he slams himself into my walls, making me yelp underneath his palm.

my entire body was shaking from the shock it was receiving from such immense pleasure, and pain. i move my arms to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer down to me as he continuously thrusts completely in and out of me, his balls slapping against my sweating skin, which was quickly filled with my own cum, dripping against his dick and balls while he continued.

just as xavier grew close, he pulled out of me, adjusting his body to line his dick up with my mouth and shoves it down my throat, gasping as i take him immediately, despite how caught off guard i was. he groaned, looking down as he fucked my face, both of his hands sliding down to hold my cheeks.

"this is so hot, fuck, [y/n].." he moans, looking down to me. "i've never wanted anyone more in my life than you. you're so hot.. you take my dick so good, baby..."

i shove my head up after his words, his dick balls deep down my throat as he gasps, cumming immediately upon my actions. he pulls out after a few seconds and sits back on the seat, leaning his body to the side.

i sit up, wiping my mouth with a red-stained face as i scoot towards him. i pick his lips, leaning down to rest my head on his shoulder. i feel his arm wrap around me and his free hand take my own, playing with my fingers while he catches his breath, and i do the same.

"i hope i didn't hurt you."

"maybe a little, but i liked it." i admit, laughing at my confession before glancing back up to him. "i didn't know your feelings for me went so deep as to fucking me to the point i can feel like, every nerve in my body."

xavier blushed, shrugging lightly and kissing me once again. "guess there is more to me than what you know."

"so no more secrets?" i grin, intertwining our fingers. "promise me you'll be honest about your feelings from now on, sexual or not."

"promise." xavier nodded, hugging me with his arm that was around me. "no more secrets."

#xavier thorpe smut #xavier thorpe #wednesday #netflix wednesday #wednesday series #smut #x yn #x reader

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Wait, how would Cooper feel about thigh high stockings with some of those heels? Possibly a garter belt too? Or even just knowing that his partner has them on underneath whatever they usually wear? My mind goes blank when I see them on a pretty lady (or a man or anyone else really, I'm bisexual) Something about wearing them also makes me feel super hot but also powerful? Is that weird?

Oh, they feel very powerful, Anon. That's definitely not weird. In fact, I'd argue that that's one of the main selling points of them. It's very empowering and confidence-boosting to feel desirable and sexy.

That's why Cooper would absolutely adore seeing you in the entire get-up. He'd also like seeing you be so confident...

I think it would start small, maybe him gifting you your first very nice set of lingerie for your first Valentine's Day together. To you and your current financial situation, nice lingerie is simply defined as "a cute-ish top and bottoms that match and aren't completely ratty".

It's been about a year since he and Barb officially divorced, and about four months since you and Cooper started dating. You're both still quite low-key about it, not wanting to deal with the drama or the guilt of making Barb feel bad, but you're wild about one another. Coop likes being with someone who is more down-to-earth like he is, someone who he could really see raising chickens with him. You enjoy the older man's kindness, his generous nature, all the things he can show and teach you from years of life experience.

You aren't inexperienced, sexually, but the things you've tried aren't exactly adventurous. He catches you reading a steamy novel one evening, though, and suddenly you're getting quite the interrogation about what naughty things you like while he tickles you and kisses at your neck. And trust me, you will be divulging that information; he's a patient man, and if he has to wait until the next time you have an extra glass of wine with dinner to ask again, he will.

One of the things you eventually mention, lips loose after too much New Year's champagne, is how you've always liked the idea of dressing up in sexy lingerie, high heels and all, parading around a tied-up man like a prowling seductress.

So, naturally, you're over the moon when, a week before Valentine's Day, he gives you a gorgeous satiny bra and panty set and some stockings to go with. The sizing is perfect, of course, because he's so wonderful about attention to detail. The garter belt confuses you when you try it on, but eventually you manage to wrestle it all into place, and you're blown away by your reflection in the mirror. Cooper insists you don't show him what it looks like on until the day of, and you keep to that. But after your romantic dinner together that evening, you find yourself almost overly giddy to get out of the nice dress you'd chosen for your date. He's been shooting you heart-stopping glances all night, running his eyes up and down your body like he knows what you're hiding underneath your clothes.

Which, of course, he does.

When you finally get home, he takes great pleasure in slowly peeling you out of the thing, revealing the black satin and silk and the little bow between your breasts. Your feet have much less traction than usual against the hardwood floors in the stockings, but you're sure in your step as his eyes on you give you a huge confidence boost. Leading him to his bedroom, you push him down on the bed and kiss him for a long while before telling him to stay put, disappearing from the room and reappearing with a few lengths of rope in hand, his white cowboy hat on your head.

A few minutes later, his arms are outstretched just enough to keep him from being able to reach his body with his hands, the knots around his arms and the headboard posts nice and secure. He taught you the knots, and you'd really enjoyed learning them, but you still didn't think it had been fair of him to test your knowledge on them while he made you cockwarm him. But that's a score to settle another day.

You enjoy taking your time teasing him, running your tongue and nails along his chest and stomach, noting the way he shivers as you run your fingers along the waistband of his slacks. After he pleads a little, you free him from his open fly and tease him with your lips and tongue until he's pleading again. You smile wickedly at him as you move back.

Balancing on your rear and your palms, you lean back as far as you can while still staying upright between his knees, slowly and intentionally running your silk-clad feet all along the planes of his bare chest, appreciating his physique as you tease all the way up to his collar bones. A giggle leaves you when he cranes his neck to allow himself to nibble at your ankles, but the playful little kick you give him to the forehead sends him staring you down with a heat in his gaze. When he's settled down, you move your feet back down to the trail of hair that leads to his twitching, throbbing erection.

"Dirty tricks, little lady." he growls when you start to gently rub your smooth sole back and forth across his cock. You've managed to sniff out this particular kink of his between all the "secret" little glimpses at you after you take off your heels at the end of the day, the glut of compliments about how pretty your feet are, the regular pedicures he happily pays for. The massages where he can barely conceal his growing erection. You'd thought it a little strange at first, but he didn't judge you for your stranger proclivities, so you tried your best to grant him the same grace.

Plus, it was really quite hot how worked up he got about it, and you certainly didn't mind all the gifted shoes.

Since you've already been working him up and teasing him, he quickly reaches his end. You're both a little shocked by exactly how hard he cums, and how much, jet after hot jet spattering across his chest, his stomach, and your stockings, a low, guttural groan leaving him as you continue to gently pet at him until he pleads with you to stop. You can't help but notice that he seems like he's having a hard time meeting your gaze.

The whole display is incredibly erotic to you, despite what you may have thought about this sort of thing before. You'd never considered how much you could enjoy having a man you actually liked and trusted thinking your feet were very, very sexy, and now the whole thing has you ready to plant yourself down on him and never get off.

"Well, are you gonna untie me so I can return the favor, darlin'?" he asks eventually, face and neck still pink as he finally seems to gather up the courage to look over at you. You grin, slinking forward to lean in and kiss him deeply, running your fingers through the cooling rivulets of semen painting his toned chest.

"Mmm, I dunno, cowboy." you tut, pulling his hat from your head and giving your hair a seductive shake as you place it onto his. "I sorta like you like this. I'm thinking about maybe taking you for a little test ride."

His muscles flex against his restraints as he grins impishly at you. You have him under your control, and you intend to keep him that way for quite a while. Your pretty lingerie will definitely be destroyed by the time you're finished with each other, but no worries; he's got another of the exact same set hidden in the closet, ready to replace it so you can have one to actually keep.

He's just thoughtful like that. 😈

To the innocent anon: I'm sorry I used your submission to write foot job porn. :( Well, I'm kinda sorry.

I do feel at least a little bad, scout's honor.

#cooper howard #the ghoul #prewar!cooper howard #cooper howard headcanons #cooper howard smut #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard x you #fallout tv show #fallout prime #submission

[meiieiri]

Something about JJK 236 is bothering me

That fight...was awesome, but it could have gone better.

Other than the fact that I'm currently in mourning over our king's garish demise (don't get me wrong, I do want him to be happy in the afterlife and I'm slowly coming to terms with his death, it's just I can't really process all this yet), I'm still a bit confused how we got here so quickly.

I have countless questions and I know Gege will probably brush this off in the coming chapters and pull yet another meeska-mooska-Mickey Mouse Clubhouse move.

But there is one that lingers in my mind up to this day:

Remember during the Fearsome Womb Arc when Yuji and Sukuna deliberated with each other on the possible resurrection or re-animation of Itadori's body via a deathmatch?

Yeah. We all know Sukuna, the king of all curses, is a master at one-shotting his opponent. Just take a look at what he did to our best rose-colored boy who went from this:

To this, in a split second (lmao):

Yeah, yeah, I've read all the “copium” theories from other Gojo fans such as myself who are kinda on the fence when it comes to accepting Gojo's death as being final or not, but, let me bring this back real quick to the matter at hand.

Sukuna went for the head with Itadori. Of course, maybe he did that to shut him up sure, but what I'm getting at is, the head is the singlemost critical point to hit when it comes to sorcery dogfights.

He knows this.

And he probably knows that Gojo Satoru, the darling of the heavens, the uncontested gem of Jujutsu Society, is a reverse cursed technique user. Pretty obvious thing to catch since Satoru had been using RCT the entire showdown to heal his countless critical wounds.

So, Sukuna, in all his centuries of wreaking havoc on the world, should know that the only way to permanently kill a sorcerer who uses RCT is by targeting the head. There were so many instances in this entire deathmatch that we are completely blown away by Sukuna's prowess and overall mastery of Jujutsu.

Can you imagine the amount of practice he's had over the years with other "greatest sorcerer of their generation"s? He knows the ins and outs of Jujutsu like scripture, which is exactly what kept Gojo Satoru on his backfoot for some parts of their skirmish.

Now, here's the thing that's bothering me:

I liken Sukuna as something like a super computer. All that battle experience is readily available to him like some Jujutsu techniques data bank, not to mention, Mahoraga's adaptation clearly gave him yet another advantage in this fight for the title of the strongest.

He knows Satoru Gojo has been frying his brain using Reverse Cursed Technique this entire time, and he's probably seen his former opponents do the same as well. He knows that the only way to kill them is by dealing a devastating blow to the head via decapitation or complete obliteration of the body.

So, my question now is:

Why did he bother cutting Gojo in this particular manner? Why didn't he go straight for the head, since Mahoraga's adaptation blueprint can now allow Sukuna to cut through reality/space itself and therefore bypass Gojo’s infinity non-selectively?

Arrogance now that he's secured his definitive victory? Or the so-called warrior's high? Why leave room for obvious speculation when it could so easily be crushed into smithereens if he just went for the kill?

It's all very confusing. I'll point back to the time when Sukuna swiftly decapitated Itadori.

And I'm willing to bet that that move was deliberate since at the time, Itadori had already been in Jujutsu High for quite some time and Sukuna must have realized that under the tutelage of Gojo and other sorcerers, he must be learning a thing or two about RCT here and there which may have led him to end the fight quickly hence, the resurrection of Yuji Itadori.

Now before, ya'll attack me, I know what manga panel you're gonna throw at me to deconstruct this entire analysis and dismiss it as "copium". So, I'll put this here:

I know it may look like Gojo's entire head has been blown off at this point seeing the pool of blood he's currently lying on. But why is Gege or the editor making the effort to cover Gojo’s head with the text bubble when, logically speaking (and coldly at that), Gojo should be deader than dead? Which he…in theory based on the afterlife sequence, SHOULD be.

And with that whole North/South thing to cap it all off? Though, I wouldn't dwell on that. The wording in that bit was very vague and I’m not really into the habit of over-reading so hehe~

Anyway.

Could it be there's something else in store for Gojo Satoru? Is something else at play here?

Or is this simply a writer's failsafe, just in case Gege wishes to bring back Gojo Satoru so that he'll have a rational explanation as to how that came to be? No one knows. But I think this wasn't some on-the-fly decision by Gege or the editors.

Gege Akutami - though as a writer myself, I find his current choices for the story to be a little questionable with the many gray areas where plotholes could eventually arise - has been deliberate about this story since the beginning, having already mapped out the fate of Fushiguro Megumi.

This panel, the entire chapter, the circumstances we're now currently witnessing is deliberate. And maybe...we haven't seen the last of Satoru yet.

I'll leave this here for everyone to think about. This is all speculation, after all, so don't be mean about it, Jesus. In the meantime, I'll just admire my husband, Suguru, for now and will probably go back to writing my fics~ 💕

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk 236 #jjk theory #gojo satoru #geto suguru #ryomen sukuna #gojo satoru theory #gojo #gojo satoru x reader #i do hope he’s still alive though #please please let this be the case #jjk #gojo is alive agenda

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 16)

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

A/N & T/W: Hey guys, just as a heads up I wanted to let you know that this chapter contains an intrusive daydream of Kaylin's that may be uncomfortable or traumatic for some of my readers. It deals with food and the idea of humans and pertheans eating together. I wanted to convey how this makes Kaylin uncomfortable without making my readers uncomfortable. I've thought a lot about what I've written and I don't believe I've crossed any lines, but for those like me who like G/t but struggle with the idea of food or sharing a meal in that context (and of course, the fears associated with that), the content may be uncomfortable to read. I just want to make it clear that my content does not and never will contain fetish material. My writing will always be safe for work content as I strive to please God in all I do. With that being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

- - - - - - - - - -

It was only about a month ago that Dad and I packed our bags and moved half way across Koronia, and now it's already Rosan. At first, I wasn't expecting much from my dad's hometown, but I've been blown away with how much has happened since we arrived in Chancelor. I wasn't expecting to be forced into attending a deskmate school, and I certainly wasn't thinking I'd ever become friends with a perthean. I always worried about what would happen if a perthean found out about my fear, but never in a million years would I have ever predicted that one would actually want to help me overcome it!

Derrick and I have met up after school a few times now, and although these meetups have been helping me a little, I'm still not sure what my deskmate has in mind for us in the long run. Surely there's more to this than practicing eye contact and learning how to step onto a perthean's palm without falling over.

I think through what could possibly be next as Brittney and I make the trek from the cafeteria back to the pickup area.

"I really wish we could all just have our lunch together, you know?" Brittney says with a huff, interrupting my thoughts.

"What?! What makes you say that?" I ask, my heart skipping a beat at her suggestion as I desperately try to keep my mind from forming any pictures of sharing a lunch table with pertheans.

"It's just... we'd have so much more time to hang out as a group if we had our lunch together! Since this school is so focused on getting humans and pertheans to get along, you'd think they'd want us to have meals together, right?"

I hadn't thought about it before, but I guess what Brittney's saying makes sense. I was surprised when I first found out I wouldn't be sharing Physical Education or lunch periods with my deskmate, but in my relief, I decided not to question it. I suppose separating for P.E. makes sense since it's not a good idea to mix humans and pertheans for strenuous activities like exercise, but what about lunch period?

"Come to think of it," I start, a part of me curious to know and another part of me fearing the answer, "why do we separate for lunch period, anyway?"

Brittney's eyes narrow as she looks away, her lips pouting.

"It's all that Steven's fault!" she says.

I blink. "Steven? Who's Steven?"

"Soaring Steven, back in the twenties. Lunch period was shared here until he had his deskmate throw him across the cafeteria to see if one of their friends could catch him. Landed in a girl's soup and even broke some bones in the process," Brittney says.

I shudder at the realization that humans are light enough to pertheans to be thrown across a room by them. Not only that, but we're small enough to swim in their soup, too! I'm relieved that I don't have to suffer through a shared lunch period with my deskmate, but I can't stop myself from shaking at the idea.

I turn from side to side only to realize that I'm surrounded by mountains of colossal foods stacked much taller than I am with no way of escape. I spin around to face a wall of green fabric that I trace up, up, and up to my deskmate's enormous face. He ravenously gorges himself on nearly half of the sandwich in his hand—tearing off a hunk bigger than me—and thoughtfully chews his meal, his eyes locked with mine. My legs tremble beneath me as I stumble backwards, my eyes darting anywhere but the sight in front of me. This isn't happening.

As I continue to inch away from the perthean in front of me one of my feet makes contact with a thick metal prong, causing me to let out a yelp as I fall flat on my back. Lightheaded and out of breath, I sit up and discover the object was one of the tines on a huge fork.

A massive digit rests under my chin and leads my gaze back to the tall perthean boy in front of me. He gulps down the rest of his sandwich while his big blue eyes scrutinize my fallen form.

"Kaylin," he chuckles. "You're so... tiny, you know that?"

I stare into those massive blue orbs of his as blood rushes to my cheeks, making my ears hot. Anxiety floods my nervous system leaving me incapable of doing anything but quiver where I sit.

Tiny...?

"Anyway," Brittney says, interrupting my thoughts again, "after that incident... the school decided it would be best for deskmates to have 'less time for shenanigans' or something like that. If you ask me, they shouldn't have punished the whole school for a couple of students' idiocy!"

I stare down at my quaking hands. Tears prick the edges of my glazed eyes, and one or two trail down my face. I try to steady my breathing, but my lungs begin to take in more and more air at an increasing rate.

"Hey," Brittney says, turning to me. "Kaylin, are you—"

WHAM!

Something crashes into Brittney and I, interrupting our conversation and sending us both to the floor along with the contents of our open bookbags.

"Hey! What's the big idea?!" Brittney says, dusting herself off as she sits up.

"I-I'm sorry, I couldn't—" utters a boy on the floor in front of us. He coughs, lowering the tone of his voice. "I mean, it was an accident."

Brittney sighs. "That's okay. Here, let me help you with your books."

"Th-that won't be necessary." The boy says, brushing his black hair away from his green eyes before scrambling to pick up his books.

I rub my head, which throbs from the impact with the boy. I blink a few times, staring at him. He's familiar to me, but I'm not sure why.

"Hey, wait a minute," I start, remembering my encounter with that boy from my apartment last week. "Aren't you—"

The boy looks to me, eyes wide, and shakes his head vigorously. He grabs the rest of his books from the floor and stands, running off to the balcony without another word.

"Ugh! Rude! And hasn't he ever heard of a bookbag?" Brittney grumbles. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I say, picking up Brittney's Algebra textbook and passing it to her.

"The nerve of that guy! 'That won't be necessary...' just who does he think he is bumping into people and then running off like that?"

As Brittney passes me my Koronian and Biology textbooks, I can't help but wonder why Sam was in such a hurry to get away from us. He's run away from me twice now, which I find a little odd. And why wasn't he wearing his glasses? He probably could have avoided bumping into us if he had worn them.

"Hey, what's this?" Brittney says, picking up my sketchbook and flipping through the pages.

My heart sinks heavily in my chest. I've never let anyone look through my sketchbook before! Most of the drawings in there are unfinished sketches, many of which I never ended up being happy with, and none of which I feel too excited about sharing. But as Brittney flips through the pages, her eyes widen in awe with every new piece of artwork she lays eyes on.

"You made these? They're incredible!" Brittney exclaims.

"They're not that great, really." I say, reaching for the sketchbook.

Just as I'm about to take the book away from Brittney, she lets out a big gasp and turns the interior toward me. On the pages are two nearly completed sketches of Captain Tristen and Merlot from Stranded, respectively. They're old drawings, and not ones I'm particularly proud of. My insides convulse and cringe as I'm met with the sight of improper foreshortening and all sorts of rushed, sloppy details.

"You draw Stranded?! You know this is my favorite show ever, right?!"

Brittney babbles on elatedly and at a rate I find myself straining to keep up with. I can hardly make out what she's saying, but from what I can tell she's gushing about some recent revelations about Merlot and how she was able to predict them in her fanfic.

"Anyway, here! See? This is my cover!" Brittney says, pulling out her phone and swiping to Splosion. She shoves her phone into my hands to reveal the cover for 'Jack And Merlot: A Frame Of Mind,' which consists of a crude doodle of the titular duo holding hands.

"Oh, um... cute!" I respond, my mind still struggling to process what she's going on about.

"Do you think you could draw me a new cover?" Brittney blurts out, her hands clenched excitedly.

"I-I don't know... wouldn't it be put online for anyone to see?" I ask, the idea of strangers seeing my art making my insides flip.

"Well, yeah, but they don't have to know who drew it unless you want them to!" Brittney responds, folding her hands together and pleading with her big brown eyes. "Come on! Pleaaase? Your art is so good!"

I think for a moment as I look into Brittney's unrelenting puppy eyes. I guess it wouldn't hurt to draw her a picture for her story, especially if no one has to know I'm the artist.

"Sure," I finally answer.

"Yippee!" Brittney exclaims, jumping up and down like a little kid.

"Come on," I say, handing Brittney's phone back to her and taking back my sketchbook. "We're going to be late for sixth period!"

"Oh! Right!"

Brittney turns and hurries down the hall to the balcony. Before following after her, I quickly flip through my sketchbook and land on a page with a finished sketch of a perthean boy and a human girl laughing together under a cherry tree. My cheeks redden when I lay eyes on it and my insides flip around again. I let out a sigh, relieved that Brittney didn't get this far into the book.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So!" Brittney exclaims from the balcony, her hands secured on the railing as she beams up at my deskmate. "Your birthday! What do you have planned?!"

Derrick rubs the back of his head, grinning sheepishly. "I didn't exactly plan anything."

"Come on," Brittney says, "there has to be something you'd like to do on your special day! Can't you think of anything?"

Derrick places a hand under his chin and closes his eyes, thinking for a moment. "Well, I won't be home until around five, since I have... an appointment."

Kevin looks up from his phone. "You made an appointment on your birthday? What for?"

"I— well, yeah. It's a... doctor's appointment. I forgot to reschedule," my deskmate says, glancing in my direction. "But if you guys want to come over to my house at 5:30 or so, we could hang out? Maybe play some games?"

"I'm in!" Brittney hollers, pumping her fist in the air.

"Sure," Kevin answers, his eyes once again glued to his phone. "Need us to bring anything?"

"You could bring some games if you have any, but other than that nothing comes to mind," Derrick says.

Brittney turns to me, her eyes wide with excitement. "You're coming too, right Kaylin?!"

The world begins to spin as the others' eyes all turn to me. Me? Go to a perthean's house? No way! The enormous classrooms at school are hard enough for me to deal with as it is, but an entire house? I don't think I could handle it! The sheer scale of everyday items would overwhelm me for sure!

"I... don't know," I say. "I think my dad needs me home for... something." I mentally kick myself for not being able to think of any kind of real excuse.

"I'm sure your dad won't mind!" Brittney reasons. "After all, birthdays only come once a year!"

I look around at the group. Brittney's grinning with her hands pressed together, gazing at me expectantly. Derrick gives me a knowing smile, his brows upturned. And then my eyes fall on Kevin. His narrowed brown eyes look void of any life as he stares me down from above. My gut twists and turns as the weight of his stare presses down on me.

I can't go to this party. No way. Not if he's coming. How did Derrick manage to become friends with this guy, anyway? Was it just because of Brittney? And why is Brittney even with this guy? They're complete opposites! My fear may include all pertheans, but it's pertheans like Kevin that really terrify me!

"Kaylin?" Brittney says, pulling me from my thoughts. "What do you say?"

"I-I'll talk to my dad," I stutter. "But I really think he needs me for... that thing."

"Great! See you all there!" Brittney spins around with her arms stretched wide and heads for the door. I don't think she registered what it was I said at all.

"Hang on there, princess," Kevin says, causing Brittney to come to a halt and turn back around.

Princess? I never expected a guy like Kevin to call his girlfriend something so sappy!

"Yes, my prince?" Brittney answers, clasping her hands together as she flutters her eyelashes.

"If you're going to Derrick's place, you might as well come with me. You can't get there by train, you know," Kevin says.

"I guess you're right," Brittney giggles.

Kevin looks over his shoulder, presumably to see if any teachers are nearby, and then offers his open palm to Brittney who runs and leaps into it with a loud 'wheee!' The way she flew into his hand without a second thought makes me think about how I can barely even walk onto Derrick's open palm without struggling and stumbling. How does she make it look so easy?

"Shh!" Kevin hushes his girlfriend. "I'm not supposed to pick you up this way in here!"

"Sorry," Brittney says, her lip protruding in a pout.

"See you later," Kevin says to Derrick before walking off, mumbling something to Brittney about how he doesn't want to get in trouble 'again.' I guess I'll have to ask Brittney what that means later.

Derrick looks at me and laughs.

"What?" I ask.

"I'd like to see you jump into my hand like that," he says.

My face reddens, and I immediately avert my gaze. "D-don't be ridiculous! What those two did was dangerous!"

"I know, I know," Derrick says. "It's just that..."

His unfinished phrase hangs in the air for a moment, causing me to wonder what it is he means to say. I look back at my deskmate, his gaze fixed on me. What emotion is filling his eyes I can't say, but what I do know is that something has to be weighing on his mind.

"It's just that what?" I finally ask.

"Nothing," Derrick says, shaking his head. "I'll see you out back."

With that, he turns away, leaving the balcony behind him as he heads down the hall. My heart sinks in my chest. What isn't he saying?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I heave a sigh as I close the door behind me. I feel bad we didn't cancel our meetup for today, considering it's Derrick's birthday and all.

"Hey," he says with a smile, approaching the balcony and placing his hand on top of it. It's sort of become routine for me to walk onto his hand at the start of our meet ups, not that I've gotten any better at it.

"Hey," I answer as I approach his open palm.

The size of his hand still manages to freak me out, but at least I'm not as averse to it as I was when he first started helping me with my fear. After a bit of wobbling and struggling, I manage to position myself in the center of my deskmate's palm and sit down.

"Sorry for making you come out here on your birthday," I say with my head down as I nervously twiddle my thumbs. "I know there's other things you'd rather be doing right now."

"Aw, come on, you know that's not true!" Derrick beams at me from above. "There's nothing I'd rather be doing right now than helping out a friend."

I smile back at him, though his words don't reassure me completely.

"Now," he starts as he moves beside the balcony and gently sits down, "since you've been improving so much this week with both eye contact and with walking onto my hand, I thought we'd try something new. If you're up for it, that is."

"Something new?" I ask, my gut immediately beginning to twist. "Like what?"

"Would you be up for trying shoulder etiquette?"

"Shoulder etiquette?"

"Yeah! I'd place you on my shoulder, and you'd stand there," Derrick explains. "It's a formal form of etiquette that even the teachers use, so we can practice it during school as well."

My mind flashes back to orientation day, when I saw most of the school staff going around in pairs like that. I remember Derrick had asked me that day if I wanted to try standing on his shoulder, and I coldly turned him down. A weight fills my chest as I think about all the ways I was unkind to Derrick before we became friends.

"Okay," I say, "we can try it."

Derrick nods and lifts the hand I'm in up to his shoulder. My core tightens and my heart thrashes about within me as the distance between us gets smaller and smaller. As I find myself nearing the crook of his neck, I begin to feel heat radiating from his body like a space heater. He's so warm! My insides do a somersault, and my cheeks redden as I release a shuddering breath. I don't think I've ever been this close to anyone before, let alone a perthean!

I slowly rise from my place in Derrick's palm, carefully maneuvering past his fingers and onto his shoulder. I nearly slip once or twice as I struggle to maintain my balance, but manage to secure myself by grabbing onto the collar of the white button up he's wearing under his blazer.

"How are you doing?" He asks, removing his hand and leaving me stranded on his shoulder.

My eyes can't help but wander downward until I'm gazing helplessly at the hard concrete below us. Even though my deskmate is sitting down, I'm still so high above the ground! A fall from this height would certainly kill me! I let out a yelp and slam my eyes shut, gripping the collar of Derrick's shirt more tightly lest I slip and fall to my death!

"Hm, not good?" Derrick asks. "I suppose it takes some getting used to. Just hold onto me, you'll be fine."

"Mhm," I hum as I try to keep myself from trembling. If my legs continue to quake like this, I'll slip for sure! I have no idea how the teachers or the other students at school manage to go around like this!

"So, while you're getting adjusted..." Derrick begins, "is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Um..." I think for a moment. "You're turning eighteen, right?"

"Right. Just two more years and I'll be an adult."

"How has preadulthood treated you so far? Do you feel prepared for adulthood?" I ask.

Derrick hums, thinking through my question. "Well, I guess it beats being a teenager. I still can't drive, but I'd say I can cook, clean, and budget decently enough to live on my own if I wanted to. I'll probably wait until university to move out, though. What about you?"

"I've learned a lot from my dad. He's a good teacher. He taught me nearly everything I know about being a preadult. Cooking, cleaning, budgeting... although he's not very good at home repair..."

"Did your mom teach you anything?"

My heart plummets to the ground, and my guts twist and turn tightly within me.

"I... well, my mom died when I was only six. It's just my dad and me."

"Oh... I'm sorry," Derrick apologizes.

"No, it's okay. I'm over it. It was a long time ago," I sigh.

I bite the inside of my cheek, unsure of whether I'm being honest or not. It's been years since my mom passed, but I've always longed for her to be a part of my life. I wonder all the time what might have been if only she hadn't...

"You know, I guess my mom did teach me something," I say, letting my mind go to the past. "I remember when I was a little girl, I'd watch her make different pieces of artwork. I was so fascinated with how she was able to draw such fine details and pick such beautiful colors to paint with. I have a memory of her sitting down with me and teaching me how to draw different flowers. Pansies, bluebells, rotizelles... and although I'm still not very good with flowers, she did instill in me a love for art."

"I remember you said you liked to draw when we first met, and I've seen a few of the doodles in your notes," Derrick chuckles. "I have yet to see a finished piece from you, though. Especially since you're always hiding your drawings."

My face gets really hot really quickly as my mind turns back to the sketchbook I brought with me to school. "A-actually," I stutter, "there's... something I wanted to show you."

"Something you want to show me? Really?" Derrick asks, surprised. "Am I finally going to see one of your drawings?"

"I-I— well," I stammer, embarrassed, not really knowing what to say. Is what I'm about to do really a good idea?

I reach into my bookbag and feel around for my sketchbook. Pulling it out, I turn to the page with my finished sketch of the two of us laughing under a cherry tree and look it over for a moment.

'It's hideous!' I can already hear my deskmate say. 'Is that supposed to be us? What an ugly art style!'

"Kaylin?" Derrick asks after a long silence.

"I— um...! H-here, I... made this for you," I sputter. "For your birthday!"

I grip the collar of Derrick's shirt with one hand, and with the other I stretch out as far as I'm able and present my sketchbook to him.

"For... me?" Derrick asks, taking the sketchbook in between his thumb and forefinger.

Silence fills the air as my deskmate stares down the human-sized book in between his fingers. My heart pounds and pounds while my insides swarm with butterflies! What will he think? What will he say?! I almost wish I never brought this up! I'm sure he'll think it's a pathetic gift! I knew my art wasn't good enough to be shown to anyone, so why did I ever think it would be a good idea to make this dumb drawing for his birthday?

Derrick gasps. "Wow, I don't know what to say."

I try my hardest to slow down my breathing, but it's no use. My whole body shakes as I brace for the impact of whatever criticism is about to come my way. He hates it, doesn't he?

"Kaylin, you drew this? This is amazing!" my deskmate exclaims.

"I'm sorry! I knew it wouldn't be good enough!" I say, only to blink a few times in confusion. Do my ears deceive me? "Wait, what did you say?"

"This is amazing! Is this what I think it is?" Derrick asks.

"I-it's... you and me," I answer, "under that cherry tree we saw the other day."

Derrick continues looking the drawing over. "Wow," he says again.

"I-I can send you a photo of it, if you want," I suggest.

"That would be great!" he says, handing the sketchbook back to me. "After all, I'm sure you wanted to keep your book."

I put my sketchbook away and quickly open up my phone to send a picture I took of the drawing to Derrick. Once I send it, his phone buzzes almost instantly, and he unlocks it to view what I sent.

"Thank you, Kaylin," he says, gazing at the drawing once more. "Really. It's a wonderful gift."

A warmth fills my heart, soothing any remaining anxieties I had about the drawing and leaving me with a grin that stretches from ear to ear.

Time continues on in the blink of an eye, and before we know it, we've already reached our usual time of departure.

"Well," Derrick says, carefully standing up from his spot beside the balcony, "I guess we better get going."

My heart races and my eyes widen as he stands to his full height. I look beneath me at the ground below and watch as it gets farther and farther away. If the distance to the ground when he was sitting wasn't enough to kill me, this distance will surely do the job! My vision doubles as the scenery around me spins and my insides churn and convulse! I grab onto the collar of Derrick's shirt with a death grip, lest I topple down toward the unforgiving concrete below!

"Sorry," Derrick says. "I tried to be more careful, since you're on my shoulder."

"N-no, you're fine, it's just that... I feel like I..." I trail off, unsure of how to describe what's going on inside of me.

"You feel like you're going to fall?"

"Y-yeah," I murmur, trembling where I stand on my deskmate's shoulder.

"Don't worry," Derrick says, pressing a hand against my little frame and gently pinning me against the side of his neck. "I'll keep you safe."

Is this... a hug?!

I blush. Hard. My trembling increases as I'm wedged between Derrick's hand and his neck. What do I do?! I can't move! I can't escape! I begin to breathe in and out at a rapid pace, shuddering more and more with each exhalation.

After a few seconds, Derrick removes his hand, releasing me from what had to be the most frightening embrace I've ever been on the receiving end of!

"Hey, listen," he says. "About earlier... you really don't have to come over if you don't feel like you're ready. I understand that the idea of visiting a house twenty times bigger than what you're used to is likely overwhelming to you, especially if other pertheans are involved. But, in case you do want to come, I thought I'd ask anyway—would you like to come over?"

"Um, yeah! Sure," I say, Derrick's words going in one ear and out the other as I try to calm myself down.

"Wait, really?" He asks. "You'll come over?"

"Sure," I say. "I just... need a moment." I try to steady my breathing again using the techniques I learned in therapy as a kid, still not registering what it was Derrick just asked me.

"Alright, well, we should get going then," my deskmate says, walking away from our spot behind the school and heading toward the sidewalk beyond the school grounds.

I'll have every opportunity to think through what just happened when I get home.

#too small to be afraid #tstba #perthea #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t writing #giant/tiny writing #gt writing

[twig-tea]

PHEW, ok, now that I've compiled and read all the meta (everyone is amazing, I love all of you, thanks for the love back!) and slept on it, I feel like I have processed enough to gather some thoughts and make a prediction on ep12 [clown checkpoint at the end of this long post].

Pre-Prediction Groundwork i.e. what the heck are you thinking and why did this take you two days

First, I want to say, I still think the montage over the years was not off. The depiction of a happy couple that annoys one another, accommodates one another, is sometimes just happy to be in one another's presence and sometimes happy because of one another's presence, is a perfect summary of a long-term relationship to me. Some folks mentioned that it seemed like they were unfulfilled but as an introvert and a homebody I can tell you when I look back on time spent in relationships these are the moments I think about. Yes, I've gone and done fun things with significant others, but those moments aren't the ones that necessarily feel like they're about us. It's the moments doing nothing that feel like they really capture a relationship, to me. And @rebel0777 hinted at this in a post: sharing food has been the love language for this couple all along, so for it to have mostly focused on them sharing meals doesn't feel strange at all. Anyway I'm fully ready for the show to have a different message but reading everyone's thoughts didn't change my mind on this.

That being said, the thing that other people have said that has swayed me most is the idea that Pisaeng does have some things he left unsaid, and going back in time gives him a chance to say them (whether or not Kawi is fine in future). As mentioned in the roundup, @bengiyo and @incandescentflower get credit for their thoughts on this theory.

In a conversation with @pandasmagorica the potential for a time loop was raised; I laid out why I don't think the show will go that route here--writing this also helped me frame my thoughts around what the show is trying to say and where I expect it to go as a result.

One thing that I think Pisaeng hasn't really been called out for in this series yet is how dedicated he is to Kawi--maybe that's just romance tropes doing their thing, but this man really has been through it in the various timelines. He fought hard for that plushie, celebrated his confession-aversary for at least 8 years, continued to follow and support Kawi's career even when he removed himself from his presence to save him from gay rumours...Pisaeng may need to learn to not sacrifice for Kawi's sake.

The other thing that I've been thinking a lot about is why Kawi seems to have a sense that the amusement park date has already happened [based on the ep12 trailer], when in the other timelines nobody had that same feeling of deja vu, and the reason I came up with is: in all of the previous timelines, Kawi made significant changes to his behavior that rewrote the timeline so profoundly nothing in it was the same. He spent time with his dad; he befriended Pisaeng; he went on the departmental trip and confessed to Pear; he tried out for student council and joined a band; he convinced his dad to get surgery; he confessed to Pisaeng. Because of these major changes every time he goes back, we don't see Kawi relive any days from his original timeline (or any of the other timelines) except kind of the first one (and even that one has major differences).

However, to my mind Pisaeng must be terrified of doing anything differently, other than maybe put some things into words (as mentioned above) and/or staying away from Kawi entirely [and I highly doubt that could work since Kawi knows Pisaeng's tricks from the other timeline as per @zzh3], so if he tries to relive their date from the latest timeline, the events would be similar enough that there could be multi-verse/timeline bleed-over. [There are other potential explanations, and of course this is fully blown out of the water if I'm wrong and Pisaeng does decide to make major changes to the timeline, but this is the one that my brain kept chewing on].

This also made me realize that if I'm right and only Pisaeng's consciousness travels to the past, and if Pisaeng does not decide to make any major changes to the timeline, if Pisaeng stays in the past, it will not make Pisaeng and Kawi equal, but will instead give Pisaeng a huge knowledge advantage, because Pisaeng will have lived all of this once before; in the last timeline, in contrast, Kawi did not jump ahead to peek at his future before sticking with the timeline after making significant changes, so he didn't know what was going to happen (he just had the imbalance of knowing what could happen, which he did share with Pisaeng though it's not the same to live it as to hear about it). The only real way in which they would be equals is if Pisaeng jumps back to the future [so they will be equal in their time travel experience and opportunities to make change], or makes a significant enough change in the past that their lives will be completely different [so that both of them will be equal in their uncertainty]. This is not quite counter to, but is a wrinkle to the points made by @bengiyo, @grapejuicegay and @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle about relationship equality being achieved with Pisaeng time travelling, which at first really resonated with me and I think still hold true if they go one of the two routes I mentioned above. [And yes, I do think leaving things as they are would still put them on equal footing because choosing not to make a change is still a choice, and is still exerting power over their future that the other doesn't have.]

Speaking of this, thanks to a great conversation with @pandasmagorica and @thegalwhorants I went back and dug into the timeline of the series here, but TL;DR I think we could in theory have reached a few months before Kawi time travelled in the first timeline. That doesn't massively affect my prediction but I wanted to capture it because I do think it's relevant re: the balance between Kawi and Pisaeng; if Pisaeng goes to the future and I'm correct that this lines up closely to the point at which Kawi first travelled backwards in the original timeline, then in the current timeline both Kawi and Pisaeng will be at a truly equal point where neither has seen anything past where they are.

Shifting focus slightly, @grapejuicegay's thoughts about consciousness and the mechanism of time travel also made me wonder, if Pisaeng jumps back to the future [going to keep saying this because it continues to be funny to me], does the consciousness of the version of him who he took over from in the past go back to being the one in control? Is that why the Kawi of the past always seemed to stagnate whenever he jumped into the future, because the person left in Kawi's body had not had the character growth and life experiences that allowed him to make the changes in his life, so he was his former self living a slightly better life but without the personal growth to really take advantage of it? Essentially what I'm getting at here is, if Pisaeng doesn't make a change and does go back to the future, maybe the version of their relationship captured in the montage isn't lost after all, because they would make the same choices? [shout-out to the mourning of the montage by @ellaspore that got me thinking about whether it could be salvaged]

One last point I want to make: As much as it would be deeply satisfying to see Pisaeng and Kawi fight for their rights like @rocketturtle4 theorized, or going abroad so that they could get married like @marbles290 posited, or even working out a lavender wedding arrangement like @grapejuicegay suggested, I think the show already made points on these possibilities with Max and the changes to his choices, and so it would be repetitive to make it with Pisaeng and Kawi [I would not mind if the show did this, I just think this show has so much to say that it will take the opportunity to make a new point]. I think instead it's going to help Pisaeng learn the same lesson Kawi had to about time travel not being able to solve everything [hat tip @waitmyturtles], and needing to be brave and resilient enough to face the future without knowing what the future will bring, and reinforcing appreciating the time you have by being present in the present and not sacrificing your own happiness.

This show has set up so much that could happen, and this isn't the only ending I would be satisfied with by any stretch, but what I think would be most satisfying (at least for me, as I write this) would be if Pisaeng learns to accept that he can't fix everything and goes back to his future to live in the present, not knowing what the outcome will be. Also can I just say, it is really exciting to have multiple endings that I could be satisifed with?! I feel like that doesn't happen that often, at least for me.

Theory time!

So, all that being laid out, here's my Official Clown Theory about what happens in ep12 (adding lots of details so that there are a lots of opportunities to be wrong):

Pisaeng goes to the past and tries to play it cool; they re-live their first date and when Kawi notices something off, Pisaeng tells Kawi that he time travelled [this is based on the trailer so I'm not numbering it as a guess, though this show has done such a good job recontextualizing what we saw in the preview before so this could still be clowned]

Pisaeng is able to put into words what Kawi means to him

Kawi helps him come to terms with not being able to change everything the way Kawi had to come to terms with it too

[More because I want it than because I think it will happen but I'm writing it to manifest it] Pisaeng also talks to his mom while in the past to say hey, if you care about my future, help change the politics in Thailand rather than sending me abroad--giving his mom a chance to change with her kid like how Pear's dad said she should

Pisaeng jumps back to the future

We get the montage again and it looks almost exactly the same maybe just sped up, also maybe [because I've been good and deserve a treat] added bits about marriage equality moving forward?

Kawi recovers, and Kawi and Pisaeng are the ones married May 2027, at the beach [because almost all BL weddings are beach weddings, I don't make the rules]

Kawi tries to give Pisaeng the same speech Pisaeng gave him about if how he does die in future, Pisaeng should try to move on [credit to @tinycowboybro for thinking about the importance of this speech]

Pisaeng responds by reprising Unable [Gawin's OST which I have become recently obsessed with] or one of them performs a new OST we haven't heard yet? [GMMTV seems determined to milk having two protagonists who can sing]

Kawi and Pisaeng confirm neither knows what will happen from here but they'll face it together in the present [YAY]

Post-credit cut scene is Not being given the chance to go back in time by Time Travel Guy [this is still the funniest possible ending to me and I'm not going to stop speaking it into being until it's proven wrong]

Alright we'll see how many of these 10 guesses I get right on Friday. [You may have noticed I ditched the his-death-was-inevitable theorizing I did initially, even though my timeline deep dive does potentially support it, and it could still work with a lot of the above, but I just decided to go with what would make me happiest. I would still be satisfied if they do go that route or leave it ambiguous, as long as they lead up to it well.]

No matter how this goes, it has been an honour and a privilege digging into this show with all of you!

[That being said I realized I will be travelling on Friday and Saturday so depending on the train wi-fi, I may end up being late to the final episode].

cc. the other folks whose writing I was thinking about and have linked in the round-up post but didn't reference directly here: @telomeke; @benkaaoi; @jjsanguine; @stuffnonsenseandotherthings; @shortpplfedup; @williamrikers; @heretherebedork; @visualtaehyun; @knighthacker; @minorista; @neonsbian; @nemesis-21; @snidgetwrites no pressure to interact I just want to give you all credit becuase reading what everyone wrote has informed my thinking [though of course if you disagree with my conclusions, I am the only one to blame (and also I'd love to hear about it)!]

#be my favorite #be my favorite meta #be my favorite ep 11 #twig theories #typed so i can stop thinking it #clown checkpoint #long post

[chvoswxtch]

Hi! I’m so so sorry about all the blackwidow!reader requests, but I just had this idea. I’m not sure if you write for Elecktra but I was wondering if you could do a fic where Elecktra and the reader are sparring together and there’s obviously a little tense that leads to a makeout session?

hi nonnie! please don't apologize, I am loving all of them!!

thank you SO MUCH for requesting elektra. i've been wanting to write for her, but I hadn't had any ideas, so thank you!! I hope you don't mind i'm doing this one next, but as soon as I read your idea it hit me like lightning and I got really excited and admittedly carried away. 🙃

warning: contains mentions of blood & swearing. word count: 2.7k

get me.

“You’re not paying attention.”

“You’re being a pain in the ass.”

“And do you think your opponent is going to be tolerable? Would you find me more endearing with my blade against your throat? Surely, that would make you focus.”

Why the fuck you had agreed to train with Elektra in the first place? Oh right, you hadn’t. Jess had pawned you off on her since she was caught up in a case. God you would’ve rather trained alone than with her. The smirk that tugged at the corner of her mouth and the smug look plastered across her perfect face only fueled the anger simmering in your blood. You lunged forward to strike, but she was too quick, and with a swipe of her foot she sent you tumbling right on your ass with a grunt.

“Am I pissing you off?”

“Figured that out all on your own, did you?”

You grit through your ground teeth, pushing yourself up onto your feet as you pushed loose strands of hair away from your sweaty forehead.

“You’re letting me get to you.”

“You have a talent for that.”

Elektra’s lips quirked upwards in another proud smirk, tilting her head to the side slightly as her dark eyes traveled over your form. You’d been at this for at least two hours, and she hadn’t even broken a sweat. As much as you hated to admit it, she was good. Really fucking good. Deep down you knew she could teach you things the others couldn’t; things the others wouldn’t. Because as good as she was, she was also ruthless. She was the one you wanted to learn from, but you’d never tell her that. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

A shiver skyrocketed through your body when her velvet voice suddenly sounded right by your ear. When the hell did she move behind you? How did you miss that?

“How the f-”

“I told you, you’re not paying attention.”

A huff fell from your lips as you turned around to face her. Mischief was dancing around in her eyes, and for some reason that infuriated you further. This all seemed to be one big game to her, but you weren’t sure what the prize was.

“Why are you here?”

“Why are any of us here?”

“Cut the shit, Elektra. Why are you helping me?”

“Jessica asked me to.”

“And what’s in it for you?”

Elektra rolled her eyes as she took a few steps backward to lean against the ropes casually, giving you a pointed look accompanied by a dazzling smile.

“Do you really think so lowly of me, moonlight?”

You instantly tensed, furrowing your brows in confusion at the pet name. Elektra quirked one of her brows in return, lips splitting into a full blown charming grin.

“Sunshine doesn’t fit you. You’re too grumpy. But, still just as pretty. Now, shall we continue?”

“What’s in it for you?”

Elektra pursed her lips, letting out a deep exhale through her nose as she pushed herself off the ropes and stood in front of you.

“Is it really so hard for you to believe that I just want to help you?”

“Considering you have a history of being egotistical and self-involved, yes. Not to mention you nearly laid my ass out the first time we met.”

“Oh please, that was a love tap. And a complete accident, we’ve been over this. Get in position.”

“Elektra-”

“Get. In. Position.”

You dug your nails into your palms as she stared you down, tilting her head slightly in challenge. Deciding to disobey out of pure spite, you swung your right fist towards her jaw, letting out a cry of frustration as she caught your wrist and twisted it behind your back. She grabbed a handful of your ponytail, yanking your head back roughly against her chest as she spoke lowly in your ear.

“If you don’t start listening, I’m going to stop playing nice. Anger clouds your judgment. It makes you sloppy. Let it fuel you, but don’t let it consume you. Focus, Y/N.”

You hated the way she said your name. You hated how nice it sounded coming from her lips. Was it the accent? The cadence? The confidence in every word she spoke? Was it just her?

You yanked your hand away as she released it, rubbing away the soreness in your wrist as you closed your eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths to steady yourself. She was right. You weren’t focusing. Granted it was hard to focus when she was the one you were supposed to focus on.

Let it go.

Once you felt like your head was finally clear, you opened your eyes and turned to face her. She stood up a little straighter, giving you a slight nod.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

“Good. You know what to do. Show me you can.”

Let it fuel you. Don’t let it consume you.

You threw two punches that Elektra blocked easily, quickly stepping back before she could land a hit on you. The ghost of a satisfied smile crossed her lips as she watched you, circling around you like a predator. Your eyes darted fervently between her face and her footing, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. As she lunged forward, you sidestepped and landed a quick blow to her chest. She stumbled back only slightly, shaking her head slowly as you retreated.

“No. You’re not trying to last a round. You’re fighting for your life. One of us isn’t leaving this alive. Who’s it going to be?”

This was the difference between Elektra and the others. They were teaching you to protect yourself, and to use force if necessary. Elektra was teaching you to strike first. Eliminate the threat before they even have a chance to be a problem. They were teaching you justice. She was teaching you survival.

She showed you no mercy as she threw blow after blow to your chest, taking you down with a rough kick that nearly knocked the breath out of your lungs. You coughed as you tried to take in oxygen normally, turning your head to look at her with narrowed eyes. Her patience with you was clearly running thin. You could see displeasure cracking through her exquisitely carved features.

“Get me.”

Pushing yourself up to your feet, you lunged at her again. The two of you fell into a dance of sorts, trading punches and kicks to a tune only your ears could hear. Blood dripped from your nose after her fist collided with it, causing you to grimace as you took a step backwards.

“Quit holding back. I won’t hesitate to hurt you, and you shouldn’t either.”

“Yeah, I can fucking see that.”

Elektra’s hand was suddenly around your throat, nearly cutting off your air supply as she pulled you in so close that your noses were barely a centimeter apart.

“I won’t tell you again. Get. Me.”

Why were you pulling your punches on a woman that could kill a man with her bare hands? Why were you holding back? Whatever reason you had went out the window when you saw the ferocity burning in her eyes. She wasn’t going to let you off easily. You weren’t giving her what she wanted. You were barely even trying. She wanted you to prove yourself to her, and as much as you hated it, you wanted to prove yourself to her.

And this might be your only shot.

Grabbing onto Elektra’s wrist and the back of her neck, you headbutted her harshly, bringing your knee up to force her backwards as it knocked into her chest. She blocked one of your punches but you quickly threw another with your opposite, sending her back further with another powerful kick to her stomach. Once there was a distance between you both, you ran towards her to gain momentum, locking your legs around her neck as you flipped both of your bodies to bring her down onto the mat in the black widow move you had been practicing.

Elektra stared up at you with wide eyes as you had her body pinned beneath you, both of your thighs still locked around her head. Both of you panted heavily, silencing lingering for a few moments. Feeling a powerful surge of pride, you cocked your head to the side as you stared down at her with a smug half smirk.

“Got you.”

Elektra’s lips parted into a wide grin, and you noticed that her pupils had dilated slightly. Her hands moved upwards to grab onto your thighs, slender fingers digging softly into the material of your leggings.

“Where on Earth did you learn how to do that?”

“What, they didn’t teach you that in any of your fancy classes?”

“You really have been holding back on me.”

“They don’t teach me everything. Some stuff I have to learn on my own.”

“Well there’s a very important lesson they clearly haven’t taught you.”

“Which is?”

Elektra’s grip on your thighs tightened as she suddenly flipped you both over, quickly positioning herself on your hips as she pinned your hands tightly above your head. The wicked grin was back on her lips as she took in your shocked state, leaning in so close that your noses were almost touching again.

“Don’t assume your opponent is down for good until you put them down for good.”

Blinking a few times, you swiped your tongue over your lips, still tasting the metallic tang of blood that had been wiped away. The movement caught Elektra’s attention only for a split second before her eyes were back on yours.

“Yeah…they uh, didn’t teach me that.”

“I’ll teach you everything.”

“Why?”

Elektra shook her head slowly as her eyes wandered over your face, her features appearing softer than you had ever seen them before. The fire in her eyes was still there, but it was burning differently. 

“Oh moonlight, you really don’t pay attention, do you?”

Before you had a chance to jumble the pieces in your brain into a somewhat cohesive picture, Elektra was leaning in to brush her lips against yours. You instantly froze, the movement so soft, you weren’t even sure it had happened. Her eyes flickered up to search yours, lips still hovering above your own. You weren’t sure what answer she was looking for, or what you were supposed to give her, but she must have found something.

Her lips were firmer this time as they pressed to yours, more certain as her hands gently squeezed your wrists to signal for you to relax. You slowly unclenched your palms, letting her hands snake up to take them, interlacing your fingers together in a delicate pattern. You gripped onto your bound hands tightly as your lips moved together in sync, lifting your head up slightly to be even closer, to reach even more of her. The scent of her ridiculously expensive perfume invaded your surroundings and made you feel light headed, or maybe that was just her. Elektra’s dark hair fell over you like a curtain, blocking some of the dull light in the old gym, making it feel like the two of you had snuck away to some place only meant for the two of you.

The warmth of her tongue gliding along your bottom lip, gently demanding entry, had you gasping into her mouth. A hushed giggle vibrated against your lips, and suddenly, she was gone. Your eyes snapped open, staring up at her above you, bathed in amber light like an ethereal goddess of some kind. She let go of one of your hands, lightly tracing her fingertip along your cheekbone as she started down at you.

“Does that clear things up for you?”

You couldn’t find your voice. The past few minutes felt like a fever dream, and you weren’t sure they had been real. You nodded your head slowly in response, unable to break her hypnotizing gaze. 

“Did I break you?”

Elektra inquired with a playful tone, arching one of her dark brows as she continued to outline your jaw with her index finger, a knee-weakening smile splitting her lips.

“No.”

“She speaks!”

You closed your eyes for a moment, letting out a deep exhale through your nose as you tried to regain your bearings and figure out what the fuck just happened. A gentle tap on your nose had your eyes fluttering open as you stared up at Elektra curiously.

“Hey, I wasn’t making fun of you. I’m just as breathless as you are. I promise.”

“I can’t tell.”

“I kissed you, if you recall.”

A nervousness settled in the pit of your stomach as you stared up at Elektra. You weren’t sure what this meant, if it meant anything to her at all, or where to go from here. There were a lot of uncertainties swirling around in your head that you couldn’t silence.

“So…what now?”

“Well, I’d say we’ve both earned a nice, long hot shower. And considering you did so well today, I think you deserve a little extra treat. Don’t you?”

Your lips parted slightly as scarlet spread furiously across the tops of your cheeks and over your slightly heaving chest. There was an undertone lingering beneath those words Elektra wasn’t even bothering to mask, and it made you dizzy. Clearly pleased with her affect on you, she leaned in again to gently brush her lips over yours, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“Tell me, moonlight, have you ever seen New York City from a penthouse?”

#elektra natchios #elektra natchios x you #elektra natchios x y/n #elektra natchios x reader #elektra natchios x female reader #elektra natchios x fem!reader #elektra natchios x f!reader #elektra natchios fic #elektra natchios request #daredevil #daredevil fic #daredevil request

[ex-textura]

oh boy! Thank you @miradelletarot for the tag! This is going to be fun (once i decide who to do it with sdfasklfhjs)

I'm unsure who has done this one and who hasn't soooo.... if you see this, and want to, this is me tagging you!

BASICS

Full name: Ilztaufein (formerly of house Melarn, though he dropped that when he changed his name)

Gender: Male (He/Him)

Sexuality: Bi, but he's got some...hangups about women.

Background: Noble

Class: Divination Wizard

OTHER

Birthplace: Ched Nasad

Profession: Information broker for Bregan D'aerthe

Phobias: Not really a phobia, but he has a hate for spiders.

Guilty pleasures: Does it count if he's not guilty about anything ever? He loves gossip and is really bad for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. He also loves really bad smutty fiction.

Hobbies: Reading, studying, gossiping.

MORALS

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Sins: ahahahahaha. All of them!? ▫ He's prideful (he knows he's gorgeous and he knows he's powerful, even if maybe he thinks he's hotter shit than he actually is) ▫ He's greedy (power, people, fame, money. Whatever it is, he wants it) ▫ He's not the most wrathful but WHEN HE GETS HIS HANDS ON MYSTRA ISTG (also he's a big bitch about it) ▫ He's envious of the gods, for hoarding all their power. He's envious of drow women and their power over the underdark. He's envious of Mystra for still having literally ANY of Gale's attention EVER. ▫ Lust. I mean. The fantasies of Gale alone would be damning but when he finally gets his hands on his powerful little human oh my god. He's not terribly gluttonous or slothful but that's mostly on account of all the vanity.

Virtues: All that said, he's not evil. He helps people who need it, he works for the greater good at the end of the day. He gives freely of his time and knowledge (even if okay sometimes he bitches a little about having to go out of his way he's working on it okay?). He works hard, he studies and practices and hones his skills daily, he's fastidiously clean, he's absolutely loyal to a fault and he loves fully.

THIS OR THAT

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious / Restless

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between

Cautious / Reckless / In between

Patient / Impatient / In between

Outspoken / Reserved / In between

Leader / Follower / Flexible

Empathetic / Unempathetic / In between

Optimist / Pessimist / Realist

Traditional / Modern / In between

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

OTP: Ilztaufein/Gale (gotta come up with ship names)

Acceptable Ships: He's desperately loyal to Gale. He worships the ground he walks on. That said, he has slept with Astarion.

OT3: n/a

Brotp: Izzy and Astarion and two peas in a pod, even if Ilztaufein gives him so much shit for his red eyes and white hair ("Little faerie thinks he's a mighty drow how quaint~!").

Notp: Absolutely not Mystra, nor any followers of lolth.

BACKSTORY

Ilztaufein was born in Ched Nasad and spent the first half century of his life there before it fell to ruin. There he studied to be a wizard and took to divination magic like a fish to water. It was during his studies that he got a vision of the destruction of Ched Nasad, and so to save his own skin he quietly ran before he could be caught in the crossfire. He spent some time travelling the underdark, changing his name and hiding from settlements for fear of being found out and killed for his cowardice, until he came upon and was recruited into Bregan D'aerthe. Shortly after joining the mercenary group he ventured to the surface for the first time and was absolutely blown away by the different peoples and cultures he found there. He tentatively began to learn about Eilistraee, and though he never became a true devout follower it helped him come to terms with his animosity toward more lolth-leaning drow. He learned more surface languages, started enjoying their food and music, and eventually got himself a more permanent position gathering and trading information to and from the surface. That's when he was captured by the illithid; on the surface, haggling with a food vendor on the side of the road just outside Waterdeep.

At first, the abduction was a horrible inconvenience. He had work to do and no interest in making friends with a bunch of (scary powerful) women, a goody-two-shoes hero and some fop of a surface elf. At least there was the wizard, a kindred spirit who understood the importance of a strong mind and lively debate. And ambition.

#bg3 #my ocs #oc: ilztaufein #tag game

[atticrissfinch]

I hadn't read mmitb because I thought it was dark!Joel, and I usually skip those (apparently i need to learn to read tags better!), but I kept having the image of that joel in my head so I decided I needed to at least give it a try and oh my goooooood I'm so sorry it took me this long to read it. I kind of need this joel?! Like. His leather coat and horrible puns and his learning that he needs to ask permission before he sends a dick pic?!?! And him being like okay I can be your dad when you really need one but the rest of the time I'm going to be your fuckin daddy. Ughhhhhhh

Do not apologize for anything!!! We’re just so glad you’re here!!! Riding the Joel-er Coaster of Filthy Debauchery!!! We all could use a dad and a daddy wrapped into one. Or at least I know I fucking do.

Also! Fun fact for those interested in dark fic: my original concepts for the fic were actually darker!! Much more dubcon-y!! (mentions of dubcon concepts under the cut)

Joel was going to be far more coercive, all but forcing her to agree to fuck him, much less caring about her enjoyment, and reader was very much NOT enjoying herself or Joel’s industrial-sized schlonger. She was severely in pain and literally begging him to finish and get it over with (obv this is still included, but it was originally more prominent).

But then I tweaked reader to be more of a lil wild child, kind of matching his energy more, and ultimately just fucking mind-blown by how much he had rocked her world. And I think it’s more fun this way, because I like my readers sassy ❤️

#mmitb #mmitb!asks #asks

[shadowxamyweek]

So... I run this blog, yeah? This one, a ShadAmy ship blog, in the good year of our lord 2022.

Why?

I like the ship. You say, 'yeah no shit dumbass,' but I really like the ship. It is the ship that formulated a blueprint for my fleet of favorite ships all under one flag. It is my ship of dreams.

And I'm not someone who grew up with Archie, which is where a lot of old-school shippers come from. I knew ABOUT Archie and what I knew scared me. Even post-reboot, I didn't want to touch it. I was firmly entrenched in the games and the games only (to a large degree, I still am. They are the only actual 'canon' in my opinion, no matter the many cool things IDW and Archie may have done.)

I'm also not someone who just wants to see their fave in a cute ship. They're both favorites of mine -I like them both separately just as much as I like them together.

So why the fuck did I love these two characters together so much when they hardly even talk?

This moment.

Because it was always going to be this moment.

I'm about ten years of age playing this game, my mind being totally blown by the plot and the characters, and it all comes to a grinding halt... to talk.

But me liking this scene didn't happen right away.

It happened in stages.

(Trigger warning. Heads up for mild mentions of gaslighting and issues with eating disorders. Shit you not, this is canon to their history.)

Part 1- Why do I like Shadow?

I knew from the start I liked Shadow.

There's something about a character that is not a 'nice person,' but they are, very much, a 'good person.' They are, in their own way, trying very hard to do the right thing.

Shadow was designed as a weapon, first and foremost. That's what G.U.N. wanted them for and that's how Gerald found his funding, even if he was also designing Shadow to be a cure/aid for Maria on the sly. Shadow went through a lot of hell because of that. Yet regardless of his history, he still makes the decision to get up every day and do his best to solve whatever situation is in front of him, bit by bit, striving steady forward to make the world a better place.

Too often, the messy, personal business of having to recognize your faults is minimized for the protagonist and amplified for everyone else that they are with. Especially in recent media (last 10-years ish, in my opinion,) you don't get a lot of protags that might not be likable all the time. You don't have that moment where they realize what they have done, are reeling from guilt and self loathing and shame, and have to make the conscious effort to do better.

But Shadow is.

This is a character who was gaslight (actual genuine memory manipulation with malicious intention I CANNOT make this shit up), fed a lie for purpose, their personality weaponized. Their love turned into an atomic bomb.

Then, they had to unlearn that and become themselves again.

I want more heroes like that. I want heroes that were or could have been villains, and instead of and dying in a last redemptive act (as if it makes up for everything they have done), they live... and they have to keep living. They have to keep learning. They have to be... you know... people.

I know a lot of people debate over whether or not Shadow as actually suppose to stay dead after SA2, and in everything I have read, the evidence seems inconclusive. Either way, I'm glad they brought him back. I'm glad they made him live and learn (pun intended) and choose to be better. Not as a weapon, not as a cure, but as themself.

That makes for a great story and character study. That's always the sort of thing I want to sink my teeth into and stay awake reading and rereading and coming back to it with new eyes.

Furthermore, Shadow... well, they are a person who scares people. The design, the demeanor, the articulation (or lack thereof) in regards to motivation and thought. It doesn't matter if they mean to, it happens.

And they're fine with it.

They don't need to be verbal all the time. They don't need to understand social cues or unspoken rules. They are allowed to go off and stare at nothing and think in the quiet because it's comfortable. This guy was living my fucking dream.

Also, Shadow was also my first introduction to Nonbinary Thoughts that I had ever seen. This person walks in with their highlights and eyeliner and fluffy self with their dope kicks and sweet color pallet and a cool voice and I had all sorts of joy lighting up inside me. This was like glam rock. This was like seeing Mercury or Lennox for the first time, or realizing that sometimes, the chick-parts in theater productions are played by boys and the dude-parts are played by girls. I dunno how else it put it. It's the moment you go, 'ooooh,' before you flip the flimsy table that the binary gender code has placed itself upon.

This fantasy hedgehog bastard and I have a lot in common, and I've leaned on that a couple of times to remind myself I'm not alone because, for the longest time... I didn't know any living people who had gone through what I had. I have since found friends over time with similar situations, and they all mean the world to me, but Shadow for years was the imaginary friend of a lonely kid who scared the other kids.

That means a lot to me.

Part 2- Why do I like Amy?

I use to not like Amy.

(As such, the order of thought for this segment is going to be different. Sorry in advance.)

I hasn't played any other Sonic game before SA2, so my first encounter with her was not the best. I didn't understand why she was here. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. I didn't like her voice actor, or her dialog lines, or how she was just written as 'the girl'. Every other character got to be cool and do shit and be playable and Amy was just There(tm). Later I played SA1 and realized she was cool but how she was written in every game seemed to just be decided by dice. Yeah, they used the same dice, so the basic characteristics stayed the same, but the way they were portrayed or portioned fluctuated drastically. I never knew what she was going to show up like.

And that's partially on me- I was stuck in a binary jam as a kid. Still, even beyond that, she as a character and I did not gel.

And then I played Sonic Battle.

(tw // eating disorders)

I keep saying I need to replay Battle, if only to get evidence of this. There's a part of me that wants to believe I made it up, just to avoid the implications, but I know I didn't.

In Battle, like in SA1, SA2, and 06, you play through multiple perspectives of a story (always did like that sort of gameplay.) During the story, you get to be both Cream and Amy, and you find something out during this.

Amy has an eating disorder.

This may be a headcanon, and I am biased, but this obsession to the point of illness with her weight and figure has appeared a couple of times including out if gameplay (I know, breaking my own rule about game canon focus). For an older example, there's an issue in the Sonic manga Spin and Dash where Amy falls for one of Eggman's schemes for weight loss since she's worried she's gaining weight. She then comes back emaciated, asking Sonic and Tails if she looks pretty. Most recently, there is official art of Amy punching a punching bag with a picture of ice cream on it while Germal watches, which is a direct reference to that I am about to relay.

In Battle, you go against Amy several times in a form of combat called Boxercising. Canonically, it is stated that Amy got into Boxercising to get stronger and help out more on missions, but then became obsessed when she realized she could lose weight. Though Cream protests all the 'training' saying Amy is too tired due to her lack of eating and constant training, Amy keeps insisting she wants to go another round. You do this a few times, and then, it is revealed that she has been wearing weights this entire time.

I use to wear weights all the time, around my ankles and under long pants so nobody noticed. I did it to try and lose weight. You want to know what happens when you do that? You fuck up your ligaments and tendons. I had to take a second. Then, I went back to the game. It got worse from there.

After the fighting, Amy passes out. When she awakens, after a bit of dialog, she asks then-Emerl how she could loose more weight. The robot proposes a ridiculous training regiment and a diet in which Amy is to only eat salad leaves and some other minimal insane bullshit, and though Cream is horrified, Amy insists she can do it.

And I hated it.

I hated how of course it was Amy. I hated how this was played for laughs. I hated how they'd pick the Girl Character(tm) because eating disorders are coded girlish apparently and once again I'm sitting there hating everything to do with everyone but especially whoever thought that was funny or let that mistake (if it was a mistake) slide or whatever. I was angry.

But it was at that moment I saw Amy in a new light. I had never seen another character go through this, not in the way I did. I decided to go back and give her character a second look.

What I found upon putting aside my own self loathing was a wonderful character. Yes, she, like everyone else, suffered from tone changes between games, but at the core, she was a really wonderful person doing the best she could out of love for everything and everyone.

Yes, she is stubborn and maybe sometimes a bit selfish. Yes, she has tunnel vision and sometimes that causes a problem. I will remind the court that the kid in canon is 12/13 and which one of you was the perfect preteen? I reiterate my point about flawed protagonists. I reiterate my point about multifaceted characters. I reiterate my point that a person is allowed to be a person and that makes them better than a cardboard cuttout that can be projected upon.

She's not a manic pixie dream girl, she's a fucking supernova.

She loves her friends, her found family, her home, her planet, the strangers she meets on the street, everyone. This girl will remind you to take care of yourself right before she throws hands with god. This girl is a badass because she loves fiercely and terribly. No, not in the 'cool, masculine way' that seemed to be the only permissible volatile love I saw in media, but in her way.

It's not a thing that just is. That sort of love comes from wanting to love. Making the conscious decision to love, and act on that love, in the best way a person knows how.

Just like you, or I, or anyone else.

And how deeply, how furiously, how passionately and totally a person can love everything, anything, and in spite of whatever is going on, decide to act on that love with a desire to do good for the sake of doing good.

That means a lot to me.

Part 3: The Ship of Dreams

We come back to this moment, because it was always going to be this moment.

An unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.

But they are not on opposite sides. In fact, they are very much on the same side. These two love fiercely and terribly. They want to do the right thing. They are willing to sacrifice happiness and safety in order to achieve that.

And once they realize this, they work together to do the right thing out of love.

This post, I think, does a very nice job of elaborating on a facet of that concept.

---

@wizardofthebog

The “This character who is flawed, traumatized and hurting cannot be saved by love. But they can choose recovery because they are loved”-trope makes me just… I think I need to lay down.

@theoneandonlymagiscientist

“saved by love” and “choose recovery because loved” look similar on the surface, perhaps because the end results look similar, but they’re so different really. It’s passive vs. active; a story is about the person who’s making choices, being proactive. If Character A is saved by love, then it’s not them the story is about, it’s about their savior, Character B. If Character A chooses recovery, then they’re the one the story is about. Character B is the side character this time.

One is the narrative of taking what is broken and fixing it. It is not about the ‘broken’ person, it’s about the ‘savior’ who ‘fixes’ them.

One is a tale of healing. It is not about one person ‘fixing’ the other, it’s about the person who makes a conscious decision to not let their pain define them.

In one, the story is about the person who loves the hurt person, and the hurt person’s pain is incidental to the main character’s arc. In the other, the story is about the hurt person themself, and the other person’s love is incidental to their arc.

I hope I’ve said this well enough. My words may not be coming out the right way to express what I’m trying to say. Sometimes they do that.

---

There's also this quote from Guillermo del Toro

---

"The beast doesn’t need to transform to be loved. He doesn’t have to turn into a boring fucking prince to be loved. Or renounce to the essence of who it is. To me love is not transformation, love is acceptance and understanding."

---

And what about these closing lines from Niel Gaiman's observations on love given at a friend's wedding?

---

"- In the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again."

---

I believe in love: the concept, the idea, the goal. I believe that, upon achieving the goal of fostering love, in maintaining it, enabling it to thrive, to be happy and be healthy.

I believe in people and the power they have as individuals, and how that power finds new strength when people work together as a unit, as a team, as friends and confidantes and lovers.

Love to me is being in lock step, hand in hand, walking forward together.

And I just so happen to see it in these two silly, fictional hedgehogs.

#shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tw // eating disorder #tw // gaslighting #i seriously cannot believe i actually was able to pen this all down. it took me a while #i highly doubt this is what... anyone... expected when they asked why i like the ship but... here it is #op rambles #this took me... days... but i wanted to get it right #thoughts

[misccy27]

They could have easily written Darius and Hunter’s relationship out of the show after ASIAS

I kept expecting them to. I thought they did at first. Maybe it played out differently for me because I first watched season 2 by binging it after it was over, but the continued existence of Darius and Hunter's relationship kept catching me off guard. Like. Here's how it played out for me:

Any Sport in a Storm ends with Darius being set up as a sort of mentor figure that will help set Hunter on the right path by undermining Belos’ teachings. But that role became (largely) unnecessary with Hollow Mind.

So I was watching Hollow Mind, watching the stakes change suddenly and drastically, and it ends with Hunter ripping off his cloak. And it's like, Hunter’s cloak is such a direct one-to-one analogy for Darius’ approval throughout the entirety of ASIAS. So when Hunter in his very next episode throws his cloak on the ground at the end of it, I absolutely read that as Hunter also rejecting his relationship with Darius. 

And it was sad, but understandable. Hunter’s whole life has just been pulled out from under him. He can't go back to the castle. He thinks Darius is loyal to Belos. So his relationship with Darius becomes a genuinely good thing that he has to leave behind in order to escape his abusive environment. Just another tragedy at the end of a tragic episode. The show, as they say, must go on.

And it did. Labyrinth Runners happened and I was like, yup. Here it is. Hunter is now in a full-blown coming-of-age story. I know how this goes. He gets no parents now; only friendships born of trauma. It’s fine, it’s whatever. It's how the story goes.

So I was absolutely 1000% unprepared for Hunter to roll up on the Day of Unity on a mission from Darius. So casual too, like:

Hunter you are not here on a mission. You are here on a quest. Look at your snazzy little color-coordinated outfit. You look like you're here to deliver bread to grandma's house. It is the Day of Unity what is happening here? Like???

I genuinely cannot overstate just how much this floored me. Because the way the story plays out it's like: a week ago (in canon), Hunter learned that the man he trusted and adored more than anyone else in the world - the man that his entire life revolved around - has been sadistically manipulating him his whole life with just the most absolute worst intentions that anyone could have imagined. It is a complete nightmare scenario: 

The next time we see Hunter after that, and the last time we see him before he shows up on the Day of Unity, coven head Adrian is the one traumatizing him. Adrian is taking up the mantle of psychological tormenting this kid, lying to him about reality, creating illusions of both friends and enemies alike: 

So after LR there is approximately zero reason for Hunter to trust anyone outside of Gus and maybe some of the other Hexside kids. He definitely has no reason to trust any adult ever again tbh. 

So yeah. I was not expecting Hunter to show up on the Day of Unity taking orders from Darius. We didn't get to see them interact at all between ASIAS and now. Last I checked, Hunter still had no clue that the rebellion even existed. Meanwhile, we see Darius preparing for the Day of Unity, apparently keeping his work life and home life entirely separate, good job ig. When did Darius even have time for this? The entire world is at stake and Hunter has run away from the castle and they somehow managed to get in touch with each other again anyways?

The implied off-screen interaction(s) here is A Lot, but I'm getting off-track. The point is, it didn't have to be included. The writers could have had Luz meet up with her friends in any way that they wanted. Like, this is a show stuffed full of plot contrivances. We still have no idea what Willow, Gus, and Hunter were doing between LR and the Day of Unity. The possibilities were endless. There were so many options with fewer contrivances than Hunter trusting Darius at this point.

But the writers chose to intertwine Darius and Hunter’s plots again anyway. They doubled down on a relationship that I had given up on. “Darius insisted” that Luz needed an escort. Darius ordered Hunter to do it. This was I guess just thrown in as a fun fact: yes there is indeed at least one adult still paying attention to this child's situation right now. That adult is sending Hunter away from the action, on the same mission that Eda gave Luz to keep her safe. The world is ending and everything has changed and yet Hunter is still on Darius' priority list. Okay. Cool. I can be chill about this I swear.

And then King’s Tide happens. And it is not enough for Hunter and Darius to just have any sort of relationship at all by this point. No, they have to make sure we know: Hunter is attached to Darius. Like, this?

Totally unnecessary. Did not need to happen. This serves zero purpose to the plot. Even in terms of emotional stakes and making Hunter suffer, it’s like. This happens in between Luz sacrificing herself for Hunter and Hunter seeing his Uncle brutally murdered in front of him. This was not at all necessary. Those kids did not have to stumble across Eda and the coven heads on their way to rescue Luz. It affected nothing. It was actually just put in the episode to attack me personally and I love it. Fantastic.

And then the season ends. And the setup for their relationship is so bad at this point, like? Darius is in some unknown terrible situation a realm away. Hunter just showed up on Camila's doorstep with his 4 best friends. This is a perfect opportunity to end the relationship. I was mentally prepared for it, going into Thanks to Them. Going along with the theme of grieving and letting go of childish fantasies and all.

Here's the setup: Hunter’s situation is changing drastically once again, but this time it's for the better. He is now spending months in the human realm, finally in a relatively safe and supportive environment. He's spending enough time there to gain context about the fact that authority figures can be not only good, but also nice. Hunter now has another adult that cares about his well-being and is helping him. It is a good situation for him to be in. I am genuinely happy for him.

So when Hunter’s sewing hobby first came up in TTT, I was prepared to disconnect that from where it started in ASIAS. When Hunter brought up the fact that Camila taught him how to use the sewing machine, I was ready for closure. I accepted it as “Yes. I see. Camila has displaced Darius both literally as Hunter’s sewing teacher and metaphorically in Hunter’s heart.” I was prepared for it. So this did, in fact, hit me hard:

Hunter. For all you know Darius has been dead for months. What are you doing? Why do you still care?? Just how familiar are you with Darius’ stitches anyway???

And it's again like. Literally none of these scenes were necessary. Everything we see about this relationship post-ASIAS could have been removed entirely without affecting any other relationships or the broader story at all. The fact that all of this was included means that we’re now at a point where it’s like:

Hunter got out of his abusive situation and he has a strong support network of people who love him now and also Darius just so happens to still matter to him anyway. This relationship still matters despite the plot pulling them in different directions every step of the way. This relationship has turned into a full-blown star-crossed found family scenario now. And how am I supposed to feel about that?

Because I really don't know what to expect. We get to see so little of Darius. He has had zero agency for the past however many months. The crumbs we got in Hollow Mind and with the Day of Unity mission show that Darius does care about Hunter. It's obvious that Hunter cares about Darius. I am all-in at this point tbh. So please just give me another crumb writers. All I need is just a halfway decent reunion, it can even be in the background, I can fill in the rest. Just. Let this end on a positive note for them please.

#toh hunter #darius deamonne #don't hate me but #I'm glad I binged s2 afterwards #speculating over each episode would have done me in #i'm glad my hope built up slowly with zero expectations #like i did not mean to care about this relationship #but it just kept showing up #now i am going to manifest the best possible ending for these two i s2g

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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155. Red Fox Road by Frances Greenslade--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I enjoyed RED FOX ROAD, I found it weirdly difficult to sit and not let my mind wander while I read. Normally, survival books have me in a chokehold, but it unfortunately took me a while to get fully hooked by this story.

But with that being said, I DID enjoy the story. I found it incredibly fascinating how this child was able to survive in a situation where most adults would be forever lost. The level of preparation she had was incredible and admirable. There were, of course, instances where he age came through in her loneliness and memories, and those were the moments where it made it even more incredible that she was so prepared.

Alongside her modern struggles to survive, we also get flashbacks full of grief and a mother with a complicated mental health history. The image we see of a happy family, bickering over being lost, slowly evaporates as we learn more and more about their past and present circumstances.

I may have also felt an incredible sense of loss and sadness by the end of this book.

RED FOX ROAD is a great book, not just for the survival aspects, but because it dealt with so many important issues that I think a lot of younger readers would benefit from.

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156. In Memoriam by Alice Winn--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I should just hand Alice Winn my heart because she already tore it out of my chest with IN MEMORIAM.

Listen, I knew this was going to be beautiful and that it was going to destroy me, but it doesn't make it any easier when it DOES EXACTLY what I predicted would happen. This book was beautiful, emotional, jarring, and unapologetic. Winn didn't hold back her punches and it shows wholly.

IN MEMORIAM follows two young boys (who are merely on the cusp of manhood) when World War One begins, causing the death of not only so many boys they know, but their innocence and childhood. I'm not saying that this book is the end-all for information about WWI, but some of the things I learned made me so mad and heartbroken. Especially the women who would give those stupid white feathers.

It was so eye-opening seeing the relationships between all of the boys when they were in private school, but also later seeing how those relationships played out in the real world. There were definitely some heartbreaking moments that happened with those boys that didn't directly relate to the MCs.

One of the most memorable aspects of Winn's novel was how she didn't shy away from the gorier aspects of war. No one was safe in her writing--one moment you're laughing with one character, and the next it's being described how he was blown up, or his head rolled off into a ditch. This book is hard to stomach for that aspect, but I think it made it for an even more memorable read.

The romance between the two MCs was one of those that constantly has the faintest heartbeats, with the occasional rapid palpitations. I think that was the best way for these two to have a lasting love for each other during such a tumultuous time (especially when their love was illegal).

Finally, another one of my favourite things about this book is how the two MCs create their own lives and live their own experiences after a certain point. They have the opportunity to show who they are and grow as characters before their love can continue.

Definitely one of my favourite books of the year. I want to re-read this one day and mark the hell out of my physical copy (I did the audiobook this time around). Such a powerful read.

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157. Done & Dusted by Lyla Sage--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DONE & DUSTED is one of those romances that is simple, straight to the point, and is just a bit uncomplicated until the very end. I'm a simple romance girly, so I love romance books like this.

The best part of this book is how this went from enemies to lusty lovers in a blink of an eye. And while normally I'm not a fan of insta-romances, I think this one felt different because while the attraction felt like a "lightning struck" moment, these two characters have a history. They've known each other for years (through the FMC's brother), so it's not like an instant attraction with a stranger. Lyla Sage cut right through the longwinded bullshit of internal debate and just gave us a MMC who immediately knew he wanted to sleep with his best friend's younger sister.

I also liked the homey feeling of this book. I love books where the MCs have this strong sense of home and belonging, so no matter what happens they will always have a place to fall back on. Also, it takes away the opportunity for any bullshit because the characters are so unapologetic about where they belong.

The spice was good, but not abundant. The relationships with the side characters were good and added just enough of a deeper layer to the story.

DONE & DUSTED isn't the most memorable romance, but it was a good time. I liked how straightforward it was and how there wasn't a third act breakup. It was just a lusty and angsty good time, while being surrounded by cowboys.

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158. The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROSPECTS was a breath of fresh air because I loved the way both of these characters had their own internal battles to fight, and that the love interest had a heavy case of anxiety (considering how rarely we get stories where the hunky love interest is anxiously walking through life).

The representation was great and I really appreciated that the author started the story with a disclaimer that this was more of an optimistic Trans sports romance. I extra appreciated this because constantly reading Queer stories with heaping spoonfuls of homophobia and transphobia can be overwhelming (and I say this as a cis woman), and I just want these characters to get their happy endings and the uncomplicated romances that so many cis and straight couples get in these stories.

But I also liked that while this is definitely a more hopeful romance, this is also something that explores and presents an honest view into the life of an athlete. I especially liked the comment of how sometimes winning a game is truly about luck and how even though one can be at the top, they can mess up, too.

I really enjoyed this romance and the heavy sexual tension between the MC and his love interest.

Star taken off because of certain instances where I wanted to punch a character. And because despite this being an intriguing story, it felt a little long. Either way, this was still an enjoyable read!

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159. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will always be blown away by Sookie's character arc in this series. The way she grows so much through her experiences, to the point where she is wholly different and more mature in her reactions to things, is so impressive.

I think this is another one of my favourites because of the way the mystery is weaved into the story and that reveal. I never saw any of that coming or building up in any of the previous books. I also feel like we got some closure with some of the characters from the past books.

The story is clearly gearing up for the final book in the series AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I can't believe I'm finishing the penultimate book in this series. It's been a year and I am so proud.

Now to wait for the last book from the library!

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160. Older by Jennifer Hartmann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love age-gap romances. I've always enjoyed them (within reason, of course). Of all the age-gap romances I've read, OLDER is probably one of the ones that I've read that truly considers the others who would be brought into the relationship and which had that history of abuse (for one character) that explains a bit more of how the FMC gained the interest in older men. It's not a sleazy, sex-crazed, and single-minded read. OLDER has so many layers to it that it was impossible to put down.

Jennifer Hartmann is one of those authors who write so well that you know your reading life is about to change. Her books are really hard to put down and they make you question not just your morals, but if you seriously should consider therapy. Of the three books I've read by her, this is probably my favourite, but all three have been impactful.

OLDER is definitely not for everyone. It explores a relationship that is highly questionable, especially by societal standards, but I think was done in an artful way. The relationship between the FMC and her best friend's father is a slow burn as the connect beyond anything sexual. There is so much emotion and heart in this book, and the FMC's past is so fraught with pain that I honestly just wanted the best for her.

This reminded me a bit of BIRTHDAY GIRL because both books explored the complex relationship between the couple before anything truly sexual happens, building that foundation that is needed for a relationship to survive the judgment of society. I think that more often than not, these relationships (in real life) are predatory--and trust me, I can sense it when I read certain books that have an age-gap, but give me the biggest of icks--but sometimes you get beautiful relationships like this one that consider so much more than the physical.

The relationship between the FMC and her best friend was also so sweet, but I can also understand how complicated it all was--especially since the FMC felt deeply for her adoptive family. This family and the steps the FMC takes to better herself were truly the best healing this character could have asked for. I loved it all!

I loved OLDER and I love Hartmann's writing. This was definitely one of my favourite reads of the month!

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161. Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will give Meryl Wilsner this: her romance books are absolutely filthy.

As I'm writing this review, I am picturing that one locker room scene and I just, wow. CLEAT CUTE isn't overtly spicy, but when the spice gets going it is HOT. The way it's written is so vivid that it made me wish I could switch places with one of these characters because, damn.

Anyway, this is my second Wilsner novel and while I enjoyed MISTAKES WERE MADE more, I could appreciate this one for what it was. I was hooked from the beginning and loved watching this grouchy soccer superstar fall for her rookie teammate. Watching her slowly melt and be so confused as to why she's caring more about her teammate was adorable.

The rookie FMC was a ball of energy and as someone who isn't so high energy, I can understanding how she might be an exhausting character. But as one reads and learns more about the character, one might be able to further understand why the character is the way she is. I think once I had more context clues, I started to appreciate her and understand her. I have people in my life who are as high energy as this character and while some days are more tiring than others, I will always love their enthusiasm and excitement.

I also loved that this was about the world of female soccer. It's so under-represented in fiction, so it's always a breath of fresh air. Also, I loved the cast of characters and wish I could explore this world further!

I need to read more from this author because phew, she's good.

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162. High Wizardry by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love these books in theory, but sometimes I wonder how different a middle schooler's brain was back when this was first published. There were so many science terms and science situations that my brain noped out so many times. I am 100% not a science person and these books are always reminding me of that, LOL.

The adventure itself was fun and I loved that the MC's sister is now a part of their magical world, but holy hell the lingo. It was like reading A WRINKLE IN TIME all over again.

I'm continuing this series even though my brain doesn't understand half of the lingo. Also, this is starting to feel more like a teen series than middle grade one.

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163. Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've been trying to read more books off my shelves this year and CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT has been living on my shelves for a very long time. I'm happy I finally got to it because phew, was that a great read.

We follow two teenagers after their lives have been changed completely either through their own actions, or the actions of those around them. And while they are navigating their battles with guilt, depression, grief, and inability to trust, another character introduces another situation into the mix. There was so much depth on offer with CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, that it felt like I was over-full by the end of the story.

The way the two MCs worked off each other worked well because they taught each other some pretty important lessons about assumptions and different kinds of loneliness. I also thought their relationship brought some levity to the admittedly darker aspects of the book.

I thought the pacing was great and I found it super easy to read this one (physically) in a day. It's such a compelling story that I didn't want to put it down. I wanted to see certain characters get what they deserved (which was SO satisfying), and others have the awakening they needed to be able to move forward with their lives.

Also, I want to say that the level of forgiveness in this book between characters will always be impressive--especially since there was seemingly so little of it at the beginning of the book.

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Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

#Reviews of the Week #Review #Reviews #book reviews #book review #on books #on reading #long text post #book list #book recos #books #read #reading #booklr #bookish #features #bookworm #bookaholic #book blogger #book blog #my writing #my opinion

[tophsazulas]

Hey Poorni, I mostly just lurk here but sometimes check in with your account and am always blown away by how quickly and drastically you change your mind on so many people and ships! Like on a Wednesday you'll post several times about a pair being a notp and by Thursday you're praising them as an otp and reblogging them constantly and then by Friday or Saturday you're disliking them again lol. For example, you've gone from going on about how much you hate Neia to suddenly calling them an OTP lol. A few weeks ago you didn't like Zaya at all and now they're like your biggest OTP ever. You liked Kitty and then hated her more than anyone I'd ever seen and then will swing back to liking her. And so on. We all change our minds about some ships and characters, and it's great to have an open mind. I'm just curious what causes you to go from hate to love to hate to love again on so many characters and ships so quickly---is it based on rewatches, reading other people's metas, Or do you just kind of wake up feeling totally different than you did the day before? You can ignore if you want to, I'm just always into learning about what makes fans tick, and you changing your opinions so frequently interests me!

First of all, I love long asks so ty for sending this haha!

Secondly, I wouldn't exactly saying that my love for characters and ships change day by day. It's actually the opposite most of the time where it's very drastic.

Like with Kitty, as a kid I liked her but then I saw a few threads on her and I was like 'ok she is kind of annoying when I think about it'. Then rewatching at like 16-17 (i think 17 tbh), she's very irritating and I feel like she's glorified WAY too much (especially in t7s). So then I started having more complex feelings but then after a few more discussions with my friend Sunshine and rewatches, Kitty is actually pretty fucking annoying. She babies Eric and literally never sees him as an adult, slut shames Donna for having sex with Eric and seems to think Donna "corrupts" him. And don't even get me started on how shitty she treats Laurie. I know Laurie is far from perfect, but no one deserves to have to hear their own mother say 'i love you because I have to' and 'Rosemary made a better baby than me'.

It sounds like I'm overreacting but honestly idc. Kitty is not this sweet little good cop to Red's bad cop and she sure as hell didn't have any "character assassination" like Jackie, Kelso, and even Eric did in T9S.

With Zaya, I really loved them as a kid but then hated them because of the shit Zig would pull on Maya. When I did come back to the fandom for good, I had moreso complicated feelings where they're pretty toxic but they can be good together and I'm glad they're endgame. And then I started looking at more Zaya stuff (mostly from Ashton haha) doing rewatches, which made me go back to loving them full force. I still have love for Matlingsworth, Camaya, Zori, and find Zesme interesting at times, but I love Zaya a lot too and I'm glad they're endgame.

As for Neia, I don't think I had much of an opinion on my first watch. I might've been annoyed by them. But I did prefer Jeia over everything. And when I got to Tumblr and did more rewatches, read fics and all that, I was really just done with Neia. My main issue with them has always been how they fucked over Nikki and don't even get me started on how ooc Gwen's advice to Leia was on handling that shit. Plus I didn't see any substance with them aside from having the same wants. Then I ended up being moreso fascinated by the idea of Neia crashing and burning, leading to a Jeia/Geia endgame.

There was a short period where I really wanted to be more open minded with Neia, so I tried looking at the more shippy stuff but I just couldn't do it haha. But eventually I tried again, hence me shipping them now.

Don't get me wrong, my issues with canon Neia are still there. Especially the substance parts, but I personally blame that on the writing more. For all Lindsey's claims of loving Neia, she sure doesn't act like she loves them. Until the 9th episode, they didn't have any alone time. Which, by a writing person, doesn't make sense because Leia is canonically best friends with Nate's sister AND in the dame friend groupl. Not to mention, Leia dated Nate's best friend, yet they don't interact one on one till the NINTH episode? Not even like them accidentally bumping into each other. Like come on!

Short answer: Metas, rewatches, (rarely) discussions, etc.

#answered #deepesttigerparadise #my meta #degrassi #that 70s show #that 90s show #anti kitty forman #zaya #neia #anti neia #I think?? #just to be safe

[littledamadelfuego]

ahhh!!!! thank you so much!!! i swear we could have a full-blown conversation about this. I've always wondered whether western synastry is more accurate than vedic synastry but honestly it's so haywire. also i do agree w the "subconscious block" part. he does seem like he needs a little bit of time to think about some things- like he's not fully mature yet or there yet. also i completely see your point w the nostalgic love part!!! he's VERY attached to his parents, very vocal about it, esp how close he is to his mom. i don't know how into that i am LMAO. & i completely get what u mean about the mutual aspect. usually, to figure out how a particular synastry placement may affect someone w my planets in their house, i try to visualise/remember how i was affected by that synastry placement as the house person myself in a diff friendship/relationship. ofc this is so complicated given that people respond to situations so differently & there are so many other niche aspects to consider- both within & beyond astrology. I've tried to understand houses in synastry by how i feel towards people w their personal planets in my house & I've realized I'm not usually open to 12th house synastry (as the house person)? it bothers me a bit & i tend to find those people quite annoying, usually i have a short fuse w them, they tend to get on my nerves easily (& i never express it, it's always hidden) but that might be bc i have absolutely no 12th house influence. perhaps i might be a bit welcoming to that 12th house energy if i had more 12th house influence in my natal but i don't. it's hard to tell whether he would perceive me the same way??? I've never viewed 12th house as the "soulmate" synastry (for me it's 8th house rather bc I'm quite 8th house dominant w my venus and saturn in 8th & moon sqr pluto among a lot of other pluto aspects). thank u for ur advice!! I'll definitely keep ur words in mind moving forward <3

You're welcome!!! Honestly, I think each type of astrology is valid, and it's best to use the one that feels the most true to you! But I think it's useful to learn different types of astrology to gain an added perspective!

& Yes!!! 4th House Venus can definitely indicate being close to his mother or even potentially wanting a partner like his mother... it's a definite possibility!!!

& Honestly, yes there are so so many ways to read synastry!! And it affects everyone differently!! That's why it's so important to first account for someone's own natal chart before making any general assumptions about how a certain synastry will work for them because everyone's own charts are so different, and we all have different karma's, chart configurations, familial patterns which can all affect how we react towards a certain synastry. And some are meant to experience certain synastries over others-- there is so much room for nuance.

And 12th house synastry is definitely controversial! If you don't already have a connection to it or your planets aren't making an angular connection to it, it can definitely be irritating! But I've noticed 8H'er's in particular either love it or hate it (I am an also an 8H'er with my Sun & Mercury-- caveat though, my chart ruler is in my 12H), but the thing is 8H'er's will either love how deep the 12H goes, or, conversely they will hate it, and in particular with your Venus in the 8H you probably prefer to keep certain aspects of what you love and your love life private, and you won't receive that privacy with people who are in your 12H. Most 8H'ers like to control who is able to see the deeper sides of themselves, and you don't get that choice with people in your 12H. More so, as an 8H'er you're probably quite skeptical of someone who seems to know more about you than you know yourself (as is the nature of the 12H), so it can feel very off-putting when someone brings you that energy!! & of course not everyone in your 12H has good intentions for you so it is again, always important to consider the whole chart.

Also, I don't think any house synastry alone is a *soulmate* synastry. I just think 4th, 8th, & 12th house synastry can be indicators of a potential soulmate connection because they are all spiritual houses, and these synastries imply that the connection is slightly more than what we can feel physically, and since the very nature of soulmates is spiritual I think any of these houses can be indicative of a potential soulmate, but there are again so many interpretations, but any of these houses I would want to see when considering a potential soulmate!!

#astrology #12th house #synastry #8th house #8th house venus

[addictedtostorytelling]

That Lucy Knight ER post/analysis ... It's soooo good. And sooo much more heartbreaking.

ER is one of the best shows I've ever watched, with so many good stories, big and small. But Lucy...even after all these years, when I read, hear or think about ER, I think about Lucy dying. It was so devastating, but such moments, such tragedy made this show so damn good!

Well, done!

hi, anon!

thank you for your kind words! i'm glad you liked the post. is it wrong to say (given the subject matter) that i had fun making it? ;)

in all seriousness, i am right there with you on still being devastated by lucy, even going on twenty-three years later now.

i had watched er during its original run from its premiere in 1994 (when i was seven) but for the first several seasons was too young to really understand much of what i was seeing. it was only around the time that s5 started airing that i was finally old enough to really comprehend the larger stories, beyond just the simple patient-care interactions.

lucy, as a kind of audience surrogate, was the character i latched onto at that point—the first character i ever truly fell in love with.

her death in s6 honestly changed the chemistry of my brain.

i was thirteen years old at the time, and i couldn't stop obsessing. without realizing that that's what i was doing, i wrote fanfic and meta about it. rewatched old episodes—lovingly recorded on vhs during the summer rerun season—and had my little mind blown as i realized that so many of her early scenes suddenly seemed to have been imbued with increased significance in light of her eventual death. i turned the story over and over again in my mind, thinking through all of the myriad ways it broke my heart.

looking back, i learned so much about the function of tragedy and the structure of tragic narratives from (over)thinking so much about her character arc and its culmination, so it seemed only fitting to pay tribute.

making that post, i was reminded of how many moments there were during s5 and s6—even beyond the ones i included in the set—that foreshadowed her ultimate fate.

in a lot of ways, hers is a circular or even chiastic narrative, replete with callbacks and repeated themes, everything seeming to work together to bring her to one inevitable end.

it's almost hard to believe that her death wasn't planned from the beginning, given how tight those story elements are with her.

she is very much a girl marked to die from the beginning.

it's a tribute to her and the writing of er that even over two decades later, her death still hits home in the way that it does not only for me but for so many fans.

it's truly one of the most memorable stories in the entire series.

#answered #anon #** #my meta #meta: er #meta: lucy #lucy knight #let's talk shop #er

[apoptoses]

Hi hello 🥹

First of all, I am so sorry for your recent loss. Sending so much love and hugs and kisses your way, I hope you're taking care of yourself ❤️

New medical kink fic rocked my entire world and I absolutely loved the "choose your own adventure" approach you took, like we're on an Armand/Daniel episode of Black Mirror (I bet they'd be into that) and we get to choose what happens next and all the options are a little messed up but also sweet asf 😭

Ngl I felt compelled to read both endings because of course I did 😌and while I loved the explicit version and imo the fic would hold up just as well if that were the actual ending, the x-rated one has my whole heart. It just makes perfect sense in-universe yk, when you consider how much blood Daniel was allowed to drink and how his mortal body would've reacted to it. It made me feel light headed and giddy and a little uneasy all at once and it was SUCH a fantastic exploraton of their dynamic. Mfs have no boundaries, just an all-consuming desire to know everything about each other. It's desperate on both their ends and I loved how you had Daniel come to that realization at one point when he sees Armand's pupils blown wide and *knows* he's just as crazy about him as he is for Armand. Armand called Daniel a morbid romantic but lbr it's BOTH of them, Armand's just as guilty of it.

“Breathe, Daniel,” Armand murmurs. Professional as any actual doctor, he pats Daniel’s knee. And then, unprofessionally, he continues, “it’s smaller than my cock and you’ve had that in your throat plenty of times. Surely this won’t be enough to bother you.” lmfaoo Armand being an unbearable brat even in doctor mode feels so stupidly in character, like he would find a way 💀

"When Armand drops the image of the inside of his hole, cranked open by the shining chrome speculum, straight into his mind his hand flies up to grip Armand’s wrist in an attempt to ground himself. If he doesn’t get it together he’ll choke or, even worse, moan." I'm speechless lmao you mad(wo)man. Armand truly lucked tf out when he met Daniel and found his freak soulmate. Literally no one else would meet him there and be like "so that's how the inside of my hole looks? god that's so hot".

"He gets to flick his tongue into his vein and lap at the blood within him, to lick into a place so unnatural he can’t imagine anyone else has done this with Armand. Daniel must be the first to press his tongue into this void he’s created in search of more blood" DANIEL TONGUEFUCKING THE WOUND I'M-- 🥵🥵🥵

I would DEFINITELY read about whatever they got up to when they got back home (was it kinky aftercare? tell me it was kinky aftercare 🥹)

Also!!! "Daniel forgets about hiding his half-hard cock and reaches out to hook his fingers in Armand’s belt loops" awwwe loved this reference sfm! Still drives me insane to think it's canon tbh.

anyways this is IT, you're IT as usual xoxo DA ❤️❤️❤️

PS CURRENTLY LOSING IT OVER DANNY MOLLOY AND AMADEO. MOST PERFECT LIL ANGELS EVER SEND THEM ALL MY LOVE 😺😺

Dungeon anon you always know the right time to drop a message on someone ♥

The choose your own adventure format was entirely thanks to hekateinhell and monstersinthecosmos and I'm so glad it worked!! Because I have a couple friends with emetophobia and I still wanted them to be able to read it, but also wanted to indulge my sicko needs to make Daniel get blood sick lmao

But I agree that the x-rated version makes more sense for them, that this is a gradual erosion of boundaries and falling into this crevasse wherein Armand won't be satisfied until he sees all of Daniel. And Daniel learns he wants to be seen. Plus the exploration of how much blood can a mortal handle, how much would be too much and give this awful wine spins/pot sick experience? Because if just a few drops made Amadeo see psychedelic shit then a can of coke worth would have to be fucking awful and Armand would know it.

And I am SO excited you were into Daniel going all in on the wound. I was nervous about that because I haven't read a lot of erotic gore in this fandom but man, he's a freak just like Armand, if there was a proper gash he would go to town on it. The blood would drop his inhibitions and I think Armand would go fucking insane inside over it.

When they got home? Daniel absolutely tried to lick the sweatshirt but it was dried, they were both aware it was an action done for the visuals only and what good visuals they were.

(Armand has him lick his own jeans clean too for good measure which is so much worse even though he's done that a hundred times by now)

And from there it's aftercare elevated to an uncomfortably intimate level. I mean Armand sitting him down and brushing his teeth for him, playing dentist and scraping his tongue, making Daniel hold the mouthwash in until it burns. And then oh dear, mortals need nourishment after intense experiences and there's only orange juice in the fridge, guess Daniel will have to be a good boy and tolerate the toothpaste and citrus combo and be taken care of.

(by the time all this is done he's turned on from the excessive praise/violation/giving over of control and happily gets some aftercare that involves Armand's hands on him without the jeans in the way)

I love the belt loop holding too. Anne was a real one for including that detail in canon ♥

xoxo

ps: Danny Molloy and Amadeo are my entire WORLD now, I haven't written fic in three days because they're too perfect and fun to cuddle, send help lmao

#apoptoses answers #dungeon anon