#2: could definitely do that and it wouldn't be too bad for my mental health mostly

[itskattkm]

New York New Rules Pt. 6

Warnings: Violence, Trauma, Fluff, maybe Smut, mental health, blood

Summary: Y/N meets the survivors of the last events in Woodsborrow and gets on Ghostface's list. But there is also a darkness in Y/N wich path is she going to choose

Female Y/N x Tara Carpenter

Sorry for bad writing. I'm using a translator and hope you guys can enjoy it. Also, this is going to be a slow burn

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,

My body felt heavier than usual and I felt exhausted. Why was that actually the case? Shouldn't I be full of energy after sleeping?Lately I just didn't seem to be able to recover and then there was this light. I sighed and pinched my eyes. How did this tense light always get through my curtains? I had bought extra dark ones and always made sure to close them in the evening so that no light would bother me...

Suddenly I felt a touch on my right shoulder. Confused, I pinched my eyes and tried to open them slowly, but it was definitely too bright.

"Turn some lights off" I heard a female voice say, but could not arrange it. I immediately noticed the difference through my eyelids and tried again. Slowly my eyes got used to the light and I saw the person who had put her hand on my shoulder. Angry I told her "what the fuck Kirby... did you give me sedatives?! seriously?!" she briefly pressed her lips together and looked at me with a crooked smile "you had a little panic attack and if we hadn't done anything..." I shook my head and touched the place Where they rammed the syringe into my arm "that wasn't cool" Kirby tensed for a second.

Now my gaze left Kirby and I realized that I was in the hospital. I quickly scanned the room and noticed the Woodsborrow gang. When they noticed my confused look, Tara said "Kirby called us and we set off immediately"

Did they? Were they really worried about me? Did they care? I asked myself and looked thoughtfully at my bandaged arm.

That's right... there was still my half-slit hand. Fuck.

"After all, you are no longer one of the main suspects," Mindy said and came to my side as she supported herself on the railing of the bed. Bitter I looked at her "wow... and for that I just had to be attacked by Ghostface?" And then suddenly there was guilt in Mindy's eyes. She detached herself from the railing and straightened up slightly confused.

I could literally feel the tension of the others. It felt like energy, it was heavy and crushed the air in the hospital room. Irritated I looked at her and continued "and that's enough? To take me off the list? If I were really Ghostface... and who knows maybe it's me. Then the first thing I would do would be to hurt myself to be no longer suspected as Ghostface."

Mindy opened her mouth and didn't know what to say. Anika already put her arm under hers and pulled her to the side, whispering something I couldn't hear. Then my gaze met Sam. What did she think right now? I asked myself when I looked into her dark eyes and couldn't find anything in it. I exhaled slightly and put my head back when I briefly closed my eyes and had the black eyes of Ghostface in front of me. I was back in this dark corridor, but this time there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

"We should talk to her," Tara whispered. But I kept my eyes closed. I was now assed to catch up. I was ashamed of what happened. I couldn't help Maria.

I immediately opened my eyes and looked at Kirby in search. I grabbed her hand that was laying on the railing "Maria?!"

Kirby squeezed my hand firmly and gave me a warm smile "it's really a miracle but she made it. She is not awake and it will take her a while to recover."

Calmly, I nodded and squeezed Kirby's hand. Maria was fine, after all. However, the shame did not disappear. I was weak! How many times had I thought of such situations? And I really thought I was strong enough? I am such an idiot! How could I think I was strong when I didn't even manage to defend myself, let alone survive. I certainly wouldn't be here without Kirby.

I know exactly where I would be. I would lie in the corpse hall with counts of knife stabs and a slit hand plus I would not even have had the chance to get closer to Tara anywhere.

Tara... my attention was back and I was looking for her look. She was now on my left side and Sam at the end of the bed. Mindy, Chad and Anika had left the room.

"What happened?" Tara asked and there was this spark in her dark eyes again. Damn, I was never a fan of brown eyes, they never interested me, but since I knew Tara... I had that feeling to sink into them and there was something I liked about it.

Her voice was calm and caring. Again something completely different that I never heard from her before. From my side eye I recognized how Kirby was moving and looked at Tara and then at Sam. My brain played the whole event and I started "I had just finished the pizza and talked to Maria. She went forward and then everything happened so fast" I was so confused that I couldn't resist a short laugh. My eyebrows tightened slightly when I thought of the word "surreal" and looked at Sam "on the other hand, it felt like time had stopped when I saw Maria with the knife in her throat and then Ghostface"

"He didn't call you?" Kirby asked. Suddenly Tara's hand was on my shoulder. I exploded from the inside and was hit with nervousness, but I tried not to be noticed. I smiled and shook my head.

Why did I always have to smile about unpleasant things? I just couldn't let it go.

„Strangely not. He said that he didn't have my number and he knew about my working hours in the pizzeria, I immediately tried to find clues" I looked at Sam "to recognize who it was, but fuck these costumes make it really hard for you" she nodded to me in agreement. "the fact that he or she... didn't have my number, made me think that it was Ethan. Apart from the attack that followed, I didn't get any reaction from Ghostface..." Kirby nodded "apart from the fact that we couldn't catch him... strangely enough, he didn't leave a mask like in the other crime scenes" I looked at my hand. My whole arm was bandaged and I couldn't do anything with that at first.

"Something about this attack felt different..." I began and looked at Sam "the attack felt very personal..." thoughtfully and with serious eyes she looked at me "to what extent?" I looked at Tara and met a searching look. Several words jumped through my head as I tried to find them suitable. When I had put the sentence together to some extent, I looked at Kirby "as if I were a needle in the eye."

Sam and Tara seemed to be confused but Kirby's knew what I meant. I could virtually see the screws in her head when she processed my statement. She nodded "I'll pass on your statement to the station and be right back..." she now looked at Sam and then Tara "you should inaugurate her. If you trust me..." Kirby looked at me and she slightly raised the corners of her mouth "then you can also trust Y/N. For her, I would get a knife stab" one last time she pressed my hand and disappeared.

There was a strange feeling in my chest. Something that exceptionally felt good when Kirby said that.

Sam sighed, "Where do we start?"

——————

"Fuck... that's really... well… shit" I said and found no suitable words. I looked upset at Tara. I couldn't interpret her feelings, but this forced smile seemed very tormented to me "I'm so sorry..." It wasn't my fault. I didn't know her so well but damn... it hurt me to know that. To know what she and Sam went through and to get through it again. How did they have to feel? If I were her, I would also be careful and would certainly not let any strangers approach me.

But what made me sadder was knowing how she had felt. Now that I was attacked, I could imagine it well and could literally hear her screams in my head. Shit, I hoped I wouldn't have to hear her scream.

Deep inside, I wish I had been there and could help her.

Y/N what kind of shit are you actually talking about? You've known Tara for 6 months and have hardly exchanged a word with her... I'm such a fucking Simp.

"I guess we got something like matching tattoos," said Tara now and had forced to smile when she raised her hand and showed me her scar. We were matching?

I looked back at my bandaged arm. Damn it... matching wounds. But hey, at least something that allied us if I want to see it positively.

Now I looked at Sam. Now I understood her monologue that she had presented to me after the taxi ride... "Loomis… so" she nodded "maybe my words have no meaning for you but... after all this ‚we have the same therapist’ thing... I don't think you're a killer... I don't know why but I feel like I can understand you and trust you… and trust me. I also have trust issues" cherished she smiled. It was a smile that reached her eyes.

"Thank you for telling me about your story... I'm completely honest. Mindy is something like my only best friend... but I haven't felt like I was part of your group so far. And if I were you... I wouldn't let anyone into it so quickly."

Tara's hand lightly squeezed my shoulder.

Wow, was her hand on my shoulder the entire time? Damn it seemed to be my lucky day today. Wait, what kind of shit am I saying? Maria and I were almost killed.

Suddenly there was a knock on the window and our eyes met that of Quinn and Ethan. I looked at the two of them skeptically. Detective Bailey could now also be seen behind Quinn. "I rule that," said Sam and left me and Tara alone. She sighed and leaned slightly over the scaffolding.

She played with her fingers and seemed to be in her thoughts. "I'm really sorry," I said again, drawing her attention to me. Peaceful That was the first word I could think of when she looked at me. "You don't have to apologize for something that happened to you" I shook my head "no I'm sorry for what happened to you..." now the peace disappeared and a slight solid was recognizable. She looked at my bandaged hand. "Of course I wasn't there and didn't know you, but I wish I had, because then I would have liked to ram a baseball bat in the face of this stupid bitch," confused, she looked at me but had to smile. "Sorry, I don't even have the right to call her a stupid bitch, I finally stopped myself and got a fast heartbeat from the smile she threw at me. "I think I'm high," I said and began to laugh. Perplexed, she looked at me but could not stop grinning when my laughter became more and more. That was the part where I wanted to hide my face in my hands, briefly I had cursed with pain as I tried to lift my arm, to hide my face and left slowly my arm back in place. Astonished, I looked at it "these painkillers... are incredible"

"Are you Sure it is?" She asked now and looked up at the morphine. Confused, I followed her gaze and saw that it was not dripping at all. "Oh..." confused, I looked around and slowly began to sweat. Suddenly there was such a strong heat in me and then these palpitations "you can’t hear my heartbeat, can you?" I asked laughing and stopped immediately when I realized that I had just asked her that loud. Tara laughed. I could imagine how empty my expression was at once. I would have laughed about it too. "No, I can't... should I?" I bit my lips and took her gaze in touch even though I tried to avoid it. "let me express it like that... I'm glad I'm not connected to any ECG"

Suddenly she leaned further over the railing. Her smile dirty and her eyes radiated something mischievous "Do I make you nervous?" I laughed. I was definitely nervous. And not ready for this intense gaze contact. Above all, I wasn't ready to hold it, but trangely I couldn't interrupt it. Was it the fear? Or did I like this situation with Tara more than I thought?

"Are you sure I'm not high?" I now asked seriously and carefully placed my bandaged hand on one of her arms that she had leaned over the railing. She laughed and nodded "pretty sure..." I carefully straighten up on "good... then I'm at least with full mind" flustered were visible in her eyes when she scanned my face before she could say anything. I quickly put my other hand on her neck and pulled her to me. I had greedily put my lips on hers, but I was frozen when I realized what I had just done. Carefully I detached my lips from her, our faces were still so close that my lips brushed hers when I exhaled with relief. "I've wanted to do this for so long," I whispered. Damn, why did I say everything I thought today? Had my body also conspired against my head?! And then it happened again. Only this time completely in a different way.

I put my lips so slowly on hers to be able to save every single detail. Why did it suddenly feel so liberating? And I owe it so well. Just when I thought that was the best feeling ever, Tara convinced me of something else. Her hand slowly slid around my neck as she pulled me closer to her and returned the kiss. Her touch around my neck triggered a vibration in me as I could never have imagined. And then those lips. "Fuck..." I whispered against her lips. They felt so damn soft. It was all so new to me... and there were so many feelings at once. With each new touch and interaction, I discovered something new. "Y/N..." she whispered to me as her grip around my neck became tighter.

Our lips moved in sync with each other and I swear I could kiss Tara for hours.

"Y/N..." no whisper this time...

Then I suddenly heard a bang. I was confused. But I didn't stop kissing Tara. I had to enjoy this moment now.

Then a bang again. But was it really a bang? "Y/N" this time it was louder and again the popping could be heard... wait... that was a snap.

I opened my eyes confused and saw in Tara's bright ones, a wide smile on her lips. I whispered "sweet dimples" and straightened up confused. She laughed even more.

"You fell asleep for a short moment but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye first" crookedly I looked at her "what was the last thing that happened before I was gone?"

Again, she put her hand on my arm. This time the hand with the matching wound. "You asked me if you were high..."

"Fuck..." I said disappointed and let my head fall back. Was it all just a dream? Why? Why are you doing this to me God? I asked.

"You like to curse... don’t you?" Tara noted with a grin.

"In a world like this? Yes, I do" we both laughed.

"We're all going back to the apartment... if something should happen, we'll keep you up to date, okay? And I'm pretty sure you're safe here with Kirby. I hope so at least," she said and whispered the last part when she looked outside.

Oh my God, did Tara just say that she hoped I'm safe? How could you be so sweet and sexy at the same time?

"By the way... you have to tell me on occasion how you and Kirby know each other" she said and looked back at me.

"I’d love to... I like to talk to you," I whispered exhausted. She squeezed my arm slightly and gave me her smile one last time "see you soon"

Y/N you fucking Simp, you survived a Ghostface attack and exchanged more words and time with Tara than you could have dreamed a few days ago. Get her. What do you have to lose?

#actress #celebrity #fanfiction #jenna ortega #ghostface #melissa barrera #samantha carpenter #scream #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x reader #vada cavell #lorraine day #wednesday #x reader #wednsday addams #jenna ortega x reader

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Thanks to @canadianlucifer for the ships questions :>

MORE aidlyn because I just. Need this for my mental health guys.

Actually I've been thinking about doing stuff for other ships?? But idk let me know if yall wanna see that ^_^

1. Who would ask the other "would you still love me if i was a worm?" And what would the others reaction be?

...You guys know Aiden would ask 💀 He also asks stuff like "would you love me if I was a shoe" and other bullshit. Ash just looks at him like "...what."

2. Who plans the best dates?

Depends on your definition of best. Aiden plans all the cool/exciting stuff and he actually has the money for all the stuff he wants to do with her. Ash's dates are more romantic, if only by virtue that they're in quiet places where they can be alone. Tho neither of them plan dates a lot they just kinda end up alone together lol

3. Who's the best at carnival games?

Aiden's been to a lot of carnivals and he's a good shot with a BB gun! Ash doesn't really like carnivals (overstimulating) but she's good at the fish pond and ring toss.

4. Who drags the other onto rollercoasters?

Aiden LOVESSSS rollercoasters so much, its a great way to get his adrenaline up! He'll ask Ash a lot to go on one too, but he won't force her (rollercoasters are *really* loud, especially all the people screaming, and he wouldn't make her do anything that causes her pain)

5. Who does the most chores?

Ash is pretty strict about chores, and she makes sure any household stuff is evenly split between them, but...I mean, she helps Aiden with his own chores cuz he's really bad at cleaning and stuff 🫠

6. Who gets drunk faster?

At some point in the future: Depends what you mean. Aiden has a higher tolerance but he would also drink WAAAAAY more than Ash ever would, so he would get drunker "quicker", but if they were drinking exactly the same Ash would get tipsy faster (vertically challenged struggles fr 😔)

7. Who watches more reality TV?

Aiden likes all that crap like Big Brother and stuff, watches reruns at night when he can't sleep.

8. Who is more likely to insist their way is the best way, even though objectively its the worse?

Ash is more stubborn than Aiden is but her way is probably waaaay better than Aiden's way 🤡 Aiden might insist for a bit but he also finds arguing to be kinda boring so eventually he would drop it

9. Who believes in ghosts?

Ash doesn't believe in ghosts at all, and Aiden is really into the idea of ghosts and would LOVE evidence, but he also doesn't believe in them.

10. Who texts the other memes?

I don't think Ash has texted a meme to anybody in her entire life. So...Aiden.

11. Who makes the most typos/autocorrect mistakes?

Aiden because he types really fast and he doesn't bother to fix the mistakes lol

12. Who's the nervous flier?

Ash has never been on a plane, and she doesn't like doing stuff that's outside her comfort zone, so she's the more nervous flier. Aiden doesn't like flying but only because it means he needs to sit still for more than an hour and he cant do that shit happily 🤡

13. If they had matching profile pictures would they be cute/funny/weird?

Aiden would beg to match pfps because he's an absolute dork. it can't be anything too weird because like...Ash isn't into that. Would probably be smth really basic like Hello Kitty and Tuxedo Sam or whatever (he's Hello Kitty) if Ash even wanted to do it.

14. Who is better at writing formal emails?

Thank you discord for helping me settle this. We settled on Aiden because his parents/tutor definitely would have taught him how to do that so they could be in contact/to teach him about their job. Ash only does them for school and they end up really short and simple.

15. Who steals the others food?

Aiden always offers Ash his food, so she doesn't even need to steal 🤡 Aiden will do it mostly to mess with her lol

16. Who is more willing to commit murder for the other?

Lol. Guess. :)

17. When their kid is chanting "McDonalds!" Who is joining the chant, who is saying there's food at the house, and who is pulling up to order a single black coffee and leave?

Aiden is joining the chant because he's always up for McDonalds, but Ash is driving and she's driving home 😭

18. Who uses the most slang?

Aiden unironically

19. Who uses emoticons?

Aiden feels a spiritual connection with the smiley face emoticon

20. Who'd slay at the Met Gala?

Um they'd both slay 🤭 But Ash would slay harder I mean have you seen her fits??? I literally wanna steal her closet omg

#sbg #school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #sbg (webtoon) #aidlyn #ashlyn banner #aiden clark #aiden x ashlyn

[ninjagirlstar5]

Dude did you know/read -2+2 before i started interacting with your posts here or did you heard of it from seing me ramble about it? Also PLEASE get your work done first! This chapter is enormous and i wouldn't want it to ruin someone's schedule.

Also I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, not necessarily just the trial it could be of the story in general, if you feel like rambling that is ^^'

Don't worry, I spent my entire morning finishing my textbook chapter and completing a video question that I could finish in like, five minutes tops. I even shut off Discord to focus. It took four hours of my day to complete cause that's college for ya, haha. :']

Yeah, I read -2+2 before we ever interacted on Tumblr! Ngl, I didn't realize the author was you until I scrolled through your Kizuna tag on your blog and went, "hey, wait a minute, I read this fic-!" As for my thoughts on it so far, I loooove it! I love how Kizuna is forced to face the consequences of her actions while Ayame is grappling with the fact that she was this close to choosing to kill someone to save another and that her motivations weren't as pure and good that everyone makes it out to be for saving Kizuna. I love seeing how different the group dynamics have become thanks to how everyone is split up: the majority of the students sticking together, Yuki being forced out of that group due to his secret note but ultimately forming a little trio with Akane and Ayame (and I think Kizuna and Kanata, too, but they're more focused on each other atm when it comes to her recovery), and the lone wolves of Rei, Tsurugi, and Kinji. It really shows how fractured the group has become and that everyone's opinions are pretty complex and different from each other's, even when they stick to one side. I have yet to read the trial as of writing this, but Kanata's death hurts to witness, especially with how...simple it was. I believe she didn't even struggle, she was just sleeping and now, she can never wake up because someone (Kinji) took advantage of that vulnerability and killed her. I'm thinking that Kakeru, at some point, seemed to have walked in and saw what happened, whether it's his attack on Kizuna or Kanata, and tried to attack Kinji or stop him or something but I'm not sure. But her death definitely hits harder due to how simple it is and we can focus on the tragedy that Kizuna will never be able to fulfill the promises she gave to Kanata, her first friend. And how her grief quickly transforms into anger...ooooough, that's so good and in character for her, especially with how hard she's trying to improve herself now. Also, can I just say, I love how socially smart Kizuna is with her words and how she was able to bypass the third motive just by being clever with how she says things. There are many different ways for being intelligence, so seeing that play out with a character that is trying to redeem themselves is great. Ayame is also just...doing her best while grappling with herself and the thought of almost actually murdering someone, but is trying to be supportive of the others. At least being able to confide in Akane allows her to keep going, and she gets to befriend Yuki! It's so sweet...until you remember the twists with these two, haha, gotta love that dramatic irony. Oh, if (or when) we actually get there, that angst is going to huuurt. </3

Anyways, I do love rambling. And I love this fic! (Totally off-topic, but I hope my boy Teruya is gonna be okay from the whole near death experience of guns and stuff. He's gonna be okay, right? Right? I hope he's okay. I don't want anything bad to happen to him even though I know that's gonna be impossible in a killing game genre although I know his survival is pretty much guaranteed since you mentioned that you don't plan to change the death order. Doesn't mean I don't worry for his mental health though.)

#Asks #Star Talks #DRA #Danganronpa Another #DRA -2+2 #DRA -2+2 spoilers #tbh I had no idea how to tag this #edit: fixed the fic tags #funny thing is I kept double checking to make sure it was right #and I still got it wrong oops

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I'm taking Mental Health Nursing this semester, and it's going to be fun. I have been struggling to get treatment for my depression bc

1. I spent a long time not wanting to get on antidepressants 2. got on antidepressants and then felt worse 3. got on Adderall which helped some things but still didn't fix the depression (shocker) and 4. now that I'm ready to get back on antidepressants, can't, bc they react very very badly with Adderall

I really need an actual psychiatrist (y'know, the people who specifically specialize in psych drugs? and their interactions?) which is impossible to find out here, to the point my school director almost committed me to the ER last fall just so I could get seen by someone in patient. I told her thank you very much but they will not let me leave, ma'am. and I have tests on Tuesday.

A family practice NP, not my usual, tried to put me on Wellbutrin when I went for my Adderall refill. Wellbutrin does very bad things with Adderall. Like. You are specifically not supposed to combine them. Which she would have known if that was her specialty, which it isn't. Ironically I was also there asking for a psych referral to avoid this exact thing. (She kept pushing the drug on me despite repeated refusals, then wrote the prescription anyway, and now I keep getting notifications to pick it up even though I told them I didn't want it/wouldn't take it. like 3 weeks ago.)

Lucky for me, being a nursing student and having a special interest in pharmacology/medications, I knew better than to just take what was given. I'm in a place where I have the knowledge to self-advocate. I may not know what I do need, but I definitely recognize the things that will hurt me.

But now!! With Mental Health!! Which has a ton of focus on drugs!! I'm starting to make some progress. It's helping me learn what to look for/ask for and I'm v excited, bc now it feels like I'm closer to being able to get the help I need.

I found an antidepressant that was developed specifically to treat ADHD and !! It's exciting!! Bc it should also help treat the depression, too. And if it does work well enough for the ADHD I wouldn't have to keep taking the Adderall, but I'm reluctant to get off it bc it was so hard to get that prescription in the first place. I would rather be depressed but still able to study, then get on another med that doesn't help at all.

Anyway. Healthcare is fascinating and drugs are cool <3

#cookie speaks #im such a nerd for pharmacology guys #you have no idea #that was my favorite class #i was the only person who got an A in it

[theghostbunnie]

I’m curious but ever since you dropped your Harrison hcs I’ve been thinking about what he would be like when he gets older. Are there any hcs/info you have for him??

I'M SO HAPPY Y'ALL ARE INTERESTED IN MY HCS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!!! 💖💕💫🩷

I have like two paths I could see my version of older Harrison going down. Let's say roughly age 17 or so, he either swears off using absolutely any of his natural magical ability and keeps his illusion/slide of hand tricks utterly private for the most part. The first being a desperate attempt to regain his parents trust, the second with the card tricks being more of getting shamed out of being open with his peers with his hobbies. I wouldn't wanna see him kept on this path and I often pair it with some major character development story. (In my head atleast, I don't think I'd ever be able to use a fanfiction writing website or have the energy to regularly update one or anything like that. I would definitely maybe write short fics on Tumblr one day.. maybe)

The other option being he actually never stopped working on his talents like that and has steadily gotten so much better. (At the start of the show he accidentally sets David on fire, in much later episodes he's able to make rings of flame, already MAJORR improvement!!) He works on his other abilities, making things levitate ect.

So when they start having these hiccups, often small physical items or spells bursting out of him during strong feelings (leading to panic and embarrassment only making it worse.) Harrison feels like it's a total setback. That his work so far didn't mean anything, he has no idea where his powers come from and as they change he apparently has no idea how to control them after all. Alot of old doubts, and new ones emerge. "Maybe it would've been better to have never had them in the first place."

I like to think after awhile he regains this hold over it, and it was just a sign of like. His magic going through puberty/hj and it turns out stronger in the end.

Other older Harrison HCs include he's definitely a swiftie and jumps up on his bed lipsyncing doing a fucking Matilda as shit floats everywhere.

His formal vest and top hat get switched out for a casual vest and beanie hat (constant hat hair) wouldn't it be so funny if he had a top hat shaped pin on it/hj

His like signature little thing I love putting on his clothes and drawing him with is the ace of spades. Small charms n shit I love it.

His frienemy thing with Nerris as she matures turns more into friend leaning. (Bc like, their dynamic is not 50/50 she is nearly always the one coming at or for HIM 😭 and it's coming from a very childish reasoning- which is okay. Bc she's a child.) So as she gets older and grows out of her issues that caused them to not get along they become closer.

Mostly due to them both being much better friends with Preston and spending time with each other via him.

But since they're older and Preston fills alot of his time with the multiple hobbies he has and Nerris has other friends to hangout with, Harrison is still left on his own sometimes. He goes through these bits of bad mental health and "everyone hates me" thoughts but doesn't really let anyone know about it.

I have this OC Quincy, technically not a camp camp oc I'm actually embarrassed sometimes to add him into things bc he doesn't fit the vibe of cc what so ever but the angst he can make is so good 2 me

He's this demon with magical know-how but no power of hisown. I like to think of Harrison (who notoriously throughout the show wants company.) Kinda ignores all the red flags and "I've always said don't judge a book by it's cover"s his way into accidentally getting manipulated by him. But also getting incredibly helpful magic lessons out of it too before it comes to a head.

#harrison camp camp #camp camp harrison #character headcanons #camp camp headcanons #headcannons #cc harrison #harrison cc #camp camp #camp campbell #camp camp fandom #fictional characters #campcamp #angst

[akindplace]

not exactly out of curiosity, but more of gratitude:

thank you for making and curating this blog. the subliminal but constant reminders abt how we are only human and that we deserve kindness for ourselves really did something for me i think

i've been less prone to self-destructive thoughts and have been reframing them into whatever you got going on. sure, things are kinda my fault -- but at the same time, a lot of factors play into stuff that happens, so it would be unfair to make it just my fault, right?

⚠ sui/cidal history

i've spent majority of my teenage years blaming myself for a lot of things -- things that i either could not help (innately desiring to be a professional multimedia artist) or something beyond my control (my parents' unpleasant first reaction to the artist thing). i was sui for like... 2 consecutive years for it. 3 years total if we include 2020 ahah

anyway, i'm presently not sui anymore, not since 2021 i like to think -- but self-hatred and -sabotage is still there. old habits die hard especially when you have a history of hating yourself for the things you are/what you're doing. every day is a fight to be doing what i want to, and oftentimes i'm find myself telling myself "i fought myself so hard to get this chance i thought i wouldn't have. why would i fail and throw it away now?"

it's exhausting, half the time, i'll admit. i hate having to convince and fight myself just to do the things i want to. it's not just executive dysfunctiob anymore; i'm sure something deeply wrong with me that i could probably dismantle better if i got the therapy for it. unfortunately, in a country like the philippines, healthcare is only for the well-off, and my family is anything but well-off. why else did they tell me that i needed to be something else first before becoming what i wanted to be, a professional artist? every day i fight, and every day i'm exhausted with my own brain and my living conditions.

every day i'm tired, but i come on tumblr and see your blog posts on my dash. they always make me consider being kinder to myself exactly because i fought so hard to stay alive, and even harder for the dreams i've always wanted to reach. i did tear myself out of a pool of tar that was my mental hell... by myself... so i deserve some kindness for myself because i've been through too much already, right?

ah, this got longer than intended. it's 2:07 am now, i should probably sleep

thank you again for your time, for this chance, and for this blog

sana masarap ulam mo magpakailanman

You definitely deserve compassion and kindness, especially from yourself, especially after all you went through. You fought very hard to be here, and you deserve credit for it, and doing all that alone is very exhausting. I hope someday soon you achieve your career dreams and the stability you crave, and that you can be in a better financial position to reach out to therapy, because no one should go through all that alone and you deserve help. Remember that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you that you need to dismantle to make yourself “good”, your illness is lying to you. From the bottom of my heart, I really hope you are feeling well, and that your health improves soon. But just because you have an illness, it doesn’t make you “wrong” or “bad”, you’re just a person and you deserve good things. I really hope you keep going and that you achieve your dreams, and that you finally find yourself in a happy and safe place in life, and that you get all the support you need. You’re not alone in this struggle, and I know it’s exhausting to fight so much, so please rest all you need, but keep going. Thank you so much for your appreciation for this blog ♥️

You deserve so much happiness, so keep being kind to yourself.

#tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #tw self destructive behavior #answered

[tetsunabouquet]

God, how can you just turn history upside down?

1 )You are talking about women (give an example of men?) and Why do you say Britain and Argentina if I'm talking about the Vampire Knight universe? Zero does not have a noble title. These are the rules of the story of this manga.

2)Hunters were created so that people could protect themselves and there were adult residents (and none of them were forced) (show the page where he taught children? 🤦‍♀️ And where did you see the children 😂?

Zero/Ichiru were 13*. what is the use of children? He would use it when he grew up, not for himself, but for the common good.

3) Kaname did not teach Seiren, he saved and took her under his wing and in order to repay him, she decided to become strong). he was dear to her.

4) Have you ever wondered if Kaname needed all this? (to experiment on himself, to participate in the war for so many years and all this for the sake of weak beings. Why do you think that he is obliged to do all this? He became king not because wanted, but for the sake of the world.

5) You forgot about the curse of the twins). Where one must absorb the other. Do you think a pureblood couldn't escape from prison again?

Your stories are about children, Seiren, I have a feeling that you are telling fanfiction, and not the story of this manga

Wish you good health.

Kaname is a very deep and complex character, so the bulk of his fans are an adult audience (I noticed). maybe you are a teenager when I was 12-13 I didn’t understand him, now after 6 years I understand perfectly. A huge responsibility fell on him, he is also a living person who can make mistakes and be depressed.

You remember that he postponed what was supposed to happen, but not that he just saved millions of lives without demanding anything from them in return. And if Kaname left everything as it is, he wouldn't be a bad person, would he))

I'm literally 25, don't insult my intelligence and maturity for simply seeing the numerous red flags. I already said I don't run this blog just to write these answers that make me want to vomit. I know you're the same person, cute that you want to stay anonymous. They could have been either twelve or thirteen, their age at the time of the incident was never stated, only that it is about 4 years afterwards, which could also be 4 years and a month (and Zero's birthday could have been in that month). We don't know exactly, but is it really that much of a difference when it comes to maturity? NO. So that's irrelevant. VK never stated that the Kuran monarchy isn't following the rules of real life monarchies, so your point about that is also invalid. I'm talking about Brittain and an Argentinian Dutch Queen, because they are gender flipped examples of how monarchies work in this regard. A monarch's partner is generally always given the title directly below their own regardless of their status. A King marrying a aristocratic or common woman? She's the Queen. A Queen marrying a aristocratic or common man? He's a Prince. That's how it works. You're really twisting my words about the Hunters too. I never said there was a page. I said he was involved with the very foundation of the society, and yes, in the beginning there were only adults because they had eaten the Hooded Woman. The Hunters weren't suddenly born like vampires were. However, that we aren't shown that he was teaching the children of the first Hunters, literally does not negate the fact Kaname had the power to create rules about the appropriate ages and forbid minors from at least going on missions. And don't pretend like Kaname could have established such a rule because else this would have been mentioned like the way his creation of Artemis and Bloody Rose was. He absolutely taught Seiren! Don't pretend otherwise. He was mentally an adult and definitely could have manipulated her into ACTUAL recovery. He didn't. He literally named her that because she had to 'repent', and the fact he never helped her out of her delusion only means one thing: He was using her brainwashed childhood to his own advantage. DISGUSTING. Do you think he couldn't have forbidden her to train? Do you think he couldn't just tell her to stop following him and make up fake missions whilst he does his bussiness instead of her being his bodyguard? Oh, I do know why Kaname did all of that, and you're literally ignoring the fact that I did acknowledge they were good efforts turnt into something bad. It's just that Kaname's shortcomings did contribute to why they became bad, because Kaname wasn't perfect. But the Kaname during the Hooded Woman era, was seriously suffering main character syndrome. Like the whole, 'I'm pretty much amnesiac at this point without a purpose until the love of my life comes along and gives me a mission', very hero route. Even in Memories, he's actually likable as a human without memories. But the Kaname throughout the original main series? Deserves eternal hellfire. The curse of the hunter's twins is irrelevant. It's just another allegory for a stigmatized disease that Ichiru is suffering from. Shizuka literally couldn't escape for a 1000 years until she found an accomplice in her lover. So no, she clearly could not escape on her own. Which is exactly what should have been done to Rido's remains as well, making the Shizuka- Kiryu plotline entirely unneccesary if it wasn't for Kaname planning to take down MORE then just Rido and thinking he struck gold when he saw the first known pair of living Hunter twins. I'm not telling fanfiction, but the things that are present in the manga. Kaname Kuran during his posing as Juri and Haruka's son era, is someone who literally gets me shaking with anger. I hate this piece of garbage, as I should. Stop sending me these clearly biased fangirl messages that try to talk down to me -the whole kid thing at the end, when you're too fucking lazy to even read my bio description in which I literally mention being in my mid-twenties.

#vampire knight #kaname kuran #shizuka hio #kiryu family #seiren #vk #juri kuran #haruka kuran #can you even read?

[otakusheep15]

I’ve never done one of these before so I’m curious. But a mashup for Obey Me if that’s alright?

I’m female, she/her, 21, and straight (although I also identify with grey-asexual and grey-aromantic)

Positive Personality Traits:

- Humorous

- Passionate

- Smart

- Overachiever

- Bubbly/Giggly/Smiley

Negative Personality Traits:

- Mood disorder that causes me to have 0-100 mood swings (mostly anger so i can sometimes just be angy and then feel guilty about it)

- Indecisive

- Lots of pessimistic humor (if you’d count that as a negative trait)

- Wouldn’t necessarily count as like a personality trait, but a lot of mental health issues that can cause me to be very downhill sometimes and can use a lot more extra care and reassurance at those times

I have 2 college degrees, an Associate of Arts in General Studies and a Bachelor of Science in Video Game Art. I love video games and art (obviously from my degree lol), and anything to do with creativity (music, writing/reading, makeup, etc.)

My favorite color is pink above all. Nothing beats pink, can’t change my mind. Even my hair is pink.

I have an emotional support cat named Willis as well as working on getting my 2 guinea pigs licensed as emotional support pets as well.

I’m just honestly curious who you’d match me up with so I have no characters to name that I wouldn’t mind being matched with!

I match you with Satan!

I feel like you two would match very well together. You have enough in common to get along, but you also have enough differences to not get boring. Satan would like someone with a bit of humor to them, especially if you happen to like pranks. He's also a fan of smart, passionate people since he is the same way. He finds it hard to like those lacking in passion, especially if it's something they should really care about. Of course, Staan also appreciates a smarty like himself, otherwise it could get boring to him. He needs someone who can keep up with him lest he get annoyed. Satan himself is quite the overachiever as well, which could add some nice, healthy competition into y'all's relationship as long as y'all don't take it too far. And while he isn't the bubbliest demon ever (far from it in fact), he'd appreciate having someone in his life who is. You'd be a good counter to his colder, blunt personality, which will benefit you both. Also, bonus points for emotional support Willis. Satan would love that cat forever.

Satan would understand your mood swings, as he often gets them himself. He can go from 0 to 100 very quickly, and almost anything can set him off if not careful. I feel like he could help you deal with your mood swings better if you'd like since he's pretty good at keeping himself under control most of the time. And it's find if you're indecisive, cause Satan usually prefers making decisions himself. If you're ever struggling with making a decision, he'll be there to help out. Pessimistic humor is honestly something I think Satan would like in someone, so he definitely wouldn't consider it a bad thing. He'd probably find it funny.

As for your hobbies, I think he'd be pretty interested as well. He likes someone with a good education, and your two degrees would be more than enough for him. He especially likes that they're art and video game based since they're both things he knows at least a bit about. Satan is a big fan of art, and he could talk about it for hours. And while he's not the most well-versed in video games, he'd love hearing you talk about them, and he'd totally down for watching you play. Obviously, reading and writing are his number one hobbies, so you two could totally bond over that as well, and he'd give you so many recommendations if you'd let him.

Rules for matchups

#matchups #obey me #obey me satan

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

575 of 2023

1 - Aside from the necessities (eating, breathing etc.) what is something you do every single day, without fail?

Taking my meds. Eating, I fail at it horribly lol.

2 - Do you use cash or card the most? Do you find yourself using card or contactless methods more since COVID hit?

I've been using bank cards since long time and covid has nothing to do with it.

3 - Is there anything you enjoy that’s considered childish for your age? What is it?

Yep, young adult books, children's books, and probably some more things.

4 - Who’s your favourite voice actor? What’s the best thing they’ve been in?

No, thanks.

5 - How many times a day do you use the bathroom?

Do you really think I count?

6 - Do you need caffeine to wake up in the morning? What’s your drink of choice?

No, caffeine is my trigger and lowers my seizure threshold. I can't drink caffeine at all anympre.

7 - Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an introvert, do you feel like you live in a world built for extroverts?

I'm an ambivert and I don't feel like I belong to this world at all, or maybe fit is a better word.

8 - What do you do with old clothes you no longer want or need?

I sell them.

9 - How old were you when you got your first pet (not a family pet, but one that you were solely responsible for)?

21. I got my beloved Victoria then. She lived a happy 12 years with me, until cancer took her away last week.

10 - What is something popular or fashionable that you consider to be a real waste of money?

Bottled water. Designer clothes because you pay most for the brand. Starbucks (but yep I'm guilty of it). Cigarettes. Express shipping, unless you need something really quick.

11 - Do you donate to charity?

Not often. I only did it to support Ukraine.

12 - Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals?

Nope. My part of the country is rather urbanised.

13 - Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban?

In between. I love nature and I love the city.

14 - Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day?

Yup, scanning the radio for signal searching. And long walks on the beach.

15 - If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead.

I would rather bottle it up. I find talking about feelings difficult.

16 - Do you get your five portions of fruits and veggies everyday?

I eat vegetables anyway. I'm as close to vegetarian as can be.

17 - What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity?

The living room, rather necessity.

18 - If you have pets, do you snuggle with them when you’re having a bad time? Does it make you feel better?

Yeah, Susie comes for snuggles, but on her own terms. Victoria was a much more snuggly cat. She always could sense my bad mood and come to try to cheer me up.

19 - Would you ever sign up to be in the military? What if there was enforced conscription, would you go or would you object?

I wanted to join the military as the radio operator, but my neurological disorder disqualifies me. Even if it was still mandatory, they wouldn't take me.

20 - Would you ever want to go to any kind of fitness bootcamp, or does that sound like utter hell to you?

Nah. Even with my eating disorder lol.

21 - What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What was it that made it so bad?

Cleaning toilets in a public library. My then boss treated me as if I was less worthy. I just needed money since I was studying at the university then. Shortly after graduating, I left that job and found the job of my life.

22 - If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you?

Tulips, lots of tulips. Maybe some roses. Definitely fresh vegetables and fruits.

23 - Do you believe there’s life on other planets? If so, do you think it’s anything like humanity?

Yup, the universe is just too big. What do they look like? I have no idea.

24 - Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep?

I keep snoozing. It doesn't take me as long time to fall asleep as it used to, though.

25 - if you drive, how many times a week do you have to fill up your car with fuel? If you don’t drive, how much do you spend a week on travel/transport?

I don't drive because I don't have a licence due to my disorders (both neurological and being on the verge of legally blind), but I spend more time on travel and transport than at home. Seriously. And this is my choice.

26 - What did you get the last time you went out for fast food?

Very long ago. Just today we ordered takeaway, it was a very good spaghetti.

27 - Do you tend to snack when you’re watching TV or sitting at the computer? What’s your favourite thing to snack on?

Not as much, but I like salty sticks sometimes.

28 - When was the last time you went to a zoo or wildlife park type place?

When I was 2 years old, seriously.

29 - Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them?

Well, if they take good care of their pets, then it's not my business. I wouldn't want an exotic pet for myself; I'm perfectly fine with kitties.

30 - If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it?

I don' t eat most of meat, except for chicken and some fish. For me, it's a matter of taste and structure. Most meat gives me sensory overloads.

#survey #random survey #q&a survey

[emberkyrlee]

15 Questions

Tagged by @hectic-hector

1. Were you named after anybody?

My mom was inspired by her cousin for my given name. I think its a different spelling though maybe? Too bad it never fit me.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Came close to it yesterday. Very frustrated with my medical issues and mental health and can't seem to get actual help and I just want to be in Australia already. Its been a lot.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah, especially in regards to me messing things up or something sucking. Examples "Oh boy, that was FUN." or "That's me, pinnacle of grace." (things have just fallen and it was definitely my fault.)

5. What sports do you play/have played?

I never really got into sports. Like, I HAD to play certain things as a kid, but I constantly was getting injured or bullied so I hated it. To this day I DREAD dodgeball. (I could dodge just fine. Could never aim or catch)

6. What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

Honestly it varies I think. I genuinely cannot think of one specific thing. Its VERY much a "depends on the individual" thing.

7. Eye color?

Dark green amber? Most people don't notice, they just see its dark and think its brown until they look closer.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings 100%. I've had enough of scary or depressing IRL.

9. Any special talents?

Singing? Or do you mean like those weird oddball talents you wouldn't necessarily bring to a talent show. Cause I'm not sure what to tell you for that. XD

10. Where were you born?

Seattle, Washington.

11. What are your hobbies?

Singing, doodling, watching/listening to youtube, tried learning balisong tricks for a bit, but turns out almost all of them require having meaty, strong hands and mine are bony.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a calico cat, Neo, short for Neapolitan. (Roomie has 3 cats)

13. How tall are you?

5'1".

14. Favorite subject in school?

In high school it was Choir, Drama, and maybe English? The short time I was in college, it was pretty much anything related to Anthropology.

15. Dream job?

I honestly do not know... Folklorist? It's something I've been thinking about lately, what kind of job would I WANT to have. And I'm kinda... struggling to think of one. I tried for a pet grooming job at one point, and I didn't hate the idea? I'd need more detailed training though. Also not sure if my current average amount of spoons would cover it. Could be a bit much for me now.

Tagging (no pressure):

@devilmaycrye @lady-vossler @im-tom @oraclegazes@overly-dramatic-artist

[wrenqueenisboss]

Fake-ish Parents — p!philza x f!reader

warnings: cursing (mild), insomnia, mental health, self-destructive behavior, relapsing (mentioned) characters: philza, mumza words: 931

you groaned as you looked at the time on your computer screen.

4:32 am

you had been up for way too many hours. editing, procrastinating, watching YouTube, watching your friends' VODs, criticizing your own VODs, and just listening to music.

but you were battling your insomnia.

insomnia: habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep

it explained your behavior perfectly. sadly, you hadn't gotten a good nights' rest in over three months. your life a a streamer had taken over and honestly... it had become a cycle. you had gotten so used to staying up late that you began to fill the time, making things worse.

and it was getting seriously unhealthy. you had passed out twice on stream in the past month. chat went apeshit with concern and your friends refused to not be on call with you 24/7. you did manage to let them give you space; they eventually calmed down.

but the person who had been working to help you the most was Philza. every day, he had messaged you:

how's you day been?

how are you?

did you get enough sleep? (which quickly turned into: how many hours of sleep did you get?)

are you taking care of yourself?

and sometimes, the answers wouldn't be great. sometimes, you'd get four hours of sleep three days in a row... before relapsing into only one and a half- sometimes two. when that did happen, he was never angry with you. he simply wanted to make sure you were okay.

"if you ever need anything, just call, y/n," he always said. after every stream, every call, he'd always say it. and that warmed your heart.

so tonight, as you stare at the ceiling, you debate calling him. tears fall slowly down your cheeks. tears of frustration. because why can't you do better? why can't you take better care of yourself? why can't you stop being a burden?

but Philza's words ring through your brain. you know he would be proud when he finds out his daily mantras help.

you pick up the phone that's sitting next to you. press "call" next to Phil's name. and you take a shaky breath as it rings.

it's 2:35 in the morning where he is. the poor man is probably sleeping soundly with his wife. you're about to frantically press the "end call" button when a familiar, yet sleepy, voice fills your otherwise silent room.

"y/n, mate? what's up? are you okay?"

his concern makes you smile. makes tears rise up to the corners of your eyes.

"yeah, Phil. I'm okay. I just can't sleep as usual, but I really want to. I really want to get better. I really want to take better care of myself but I just don't fucking know how."

there's a little bit of rustling on the other line - he's moving around - before everything in the background goes silent. then the man speaks again.

"I'm proud of you for being willing to take this step and ask for help. that takes guts, mate. but I'm also proud of you for recognizing that you need more sleep. two months ago, you wouldn't have agreed. it's a huge step in the right direction. we're making progress!"

and believe it or not, a perspective that might seem overly-optimistic helped you feel a little better that night. it brought a little more warmth to your heart.

and you felt bad asking, but you thought it was okay, so you took that leap of faith.

"Phil?"

"yeah?"

"could you... stay on call with me, please? I- you're really calming and I want to get some sleep and-"

he was definitely smiling softly on the other side of the connection. "mate, you're like Kristin and my unofficial daughter. the entire internet agrees. of course I'll stay on call with you."

and he was about to say something else when another, still familiar voice, interrupted. you recognized it immediately. mumza.

"hey, y/n."

her voice was tired. your call had woken her up. she didn't sound mad but you still felt guilty.

she and Phil...

phil and kristin

dadza and mumza

regardless of the specific iteration, their relationship was perfect. they always loved you. always there to provide comfort. tonight, at 4:37 for you and 2:37 for them, was no different.

the blond man seemed to have caught his wife up to speed on mute because when you hear her voice again it was far more cheerful, yet still calming and kind.

"of course we'll stay on call with you, kiddo. you're like our daughter. we love family bonding time!"

that made you let out a tired chuckle, an almost secretive smile on your lips. "yeah," you mumbled. "family bonding time."

and as you changed into your pjs and brushed your teeth to get ready for bed, Phil and Kristin chatted about their day, their night, their plans, and past stories.

and when you finally curled into the covers, your phone resting on the other pillow by your head, you finally felt exhaustion crashing over you like the ocean waves.

and the mother-father duo, the perfect pairing, the parents of a ridiculous amount of internet heard one last thing from you before you fell into a deep sleep.

the words were mumbled and slurred with exhaustion, but they were still easy to understand.

as you eyes drifted closed and you mind began to attach from really in preparation for tonights' dreams, you said one thing

"you guys are the best fake-ish parents a tired girl could ask for"

the best compliment, really.

#dadza philza #philza x reader #mcyt #mcyt x reader #dsmp #dsmp x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt imagine #p!philza x reader #philza x reader platonic #mumza #f!reader #female!reader #x reader #dream smp x reader #reader insert #fem reader #oneshot #parental smp #dadza au #dadza philza #dadza x reader #dadza my beloved #kristin minecraft #misstrixtin #trixtin #i love dadza #philza #philza minecraft #ph1lz4

[kramaku]

I hate when people say that Bakugou deserves only redemption and not forgiveness for Izuku's bullying. Of course it's Izuku's choice to make, but I'm saying that it wouldn't be undeserved if he's forgiven.

And that for 2 reasons.

(alert manga spoilers)

1. He was very young.

There's one thing that's evident but some people almost deliberately forget it seems: kids under the age of (around) 12/13 can't (or can barely) make their own opinion. If a dad keeps telling his son that women are annoying and useless, the kid will make fun of girls and tell them they're annoying and useless. That without really trying to understand why. A kid is too young to think that far and it's literally a survival instinct. Kids being small and weak, nature made them pretty apathetic. A kid can be kind but in any situation where they feel in danger or unsafe (about their life, happiness or sense of self worth, really anything), they'll run to protect themselves and only themselves without caring about others, maybe step on others on the way too. Of course the human brain being the smartest and most complicated of this universe, some exceptions exist were kids are selfless (Izuku I'm watching you) but it's rare and they need a very special education to end up that way.

So in conclusion, if a kid is mean, says/does horrible things, they're just doing what an adult did, or listening to what an adult told. Everyone kept treating Bakugou like he was superior thanks to his quirk so it's only logical for him to think that way as child, just like everyone treated Izuku like he was inferior so because of Bakugou's self conclusion (because of their bad society) that your quirk is what makes your worth, he was led to look down on Izuku.

Now, that doesn't mean he wasn't an asshole as a kid (he was I hated him the two first seasons lmao) but you can't hold him accountable for his bad actions as a child when even teachers don't say anything when he bullies Izuku in front of everyone, like it wasnt a bad thing to do. You could have held him accountable for his actions if he turned out like Endeavor though. Endeavor was an adult when he abused his family, he had the mental intelligence to know what he was doing was bad and question himself but he was too blind by his will to be the number one hero. Bakugou, though, started to question himself at 15 years old, which is young af. Most insufferable kids I've met back in my younger years are still assholes today in their 20/30s.

He changed his entire way of thinking, that really forged his personality deep btw, and even apologized in just a few months. The most incredible of it all is that he doesn't ask for forgiveness. Even most adults irl ask for forgiveness when they realize their mistake without even thinking about rather or not they deserve it or trying to atone, and even get mad or sulk when they're not forgiven.

Bakugou doesn't think about his own benefits here, he just wants to atone for all the bad things he said and done back as a kid without wanting anything in return, and that, may I repeat myself ladies and gentlemen, as a teenager. He's not even an adult yet.

Just. Bakugou's a good guy that received a terrible education but put himself back on the right track very fast (compared to endeavor who took idk how many decades for example)

2. Izuku isn't traumatized.

Y'all like to use "trauma" at any occasion way too much. A trauma is, by definition, a damage or injury (physical or mental) that results in challenges in functioning or coping normally after the event. I'm not saying Bakugou beating him down, insulting him and humiliating him didn't hurt him- it really did- but none of Bakugou's actions impacted his mental health. He was always a nerd and pretty shy because he didn't have friends and couldn't develop social skills like other kids which made him stutter and be intimidated easily in the first seasons. Izuku would have been the same if Bakugou weren't in his life at all. Unconfident, reserved, feeling worthless.

What traumatized Izuku into thinking he's worthless is the whole society judging people based on their quirks, the fact that his mom apologized to him after he got diagnosed quirkless, implying it was bad, the fact that his classmates looked down on him, but most importantly his own idol telling him that you cant be a hero as a quirkless person. All Might's words hurt him way more than all of Bakugou's bullying, please. Bakugou told him to jump off the roof, he didn't even consider it. Bakugou told him to stop dreaming about being a hero, he never gave up. Bakugou told him not to go to UA, the boy stood on his grounds.

Bakugou never had any long term impact on him, Izuku never cared, meanwhile he was already thinking about a most "realistic" future not even an hour after All might told him to give up.

The only impact Bakugou's bullying had on Izuku was the little fear that Izuku had each time he saw Bakugou at the beginning of the manga, jumping and slightly panicking when Bakugou approached him that's all. Besides, he didn't fear him that much as he didn't hesitate to defend himself multiple times.

(I didn't mention it before bc I forgot but it's so important. Bakugou was ready to give up on his own dream and life to save Izuku. That's all. Admire that precious child.)

so yes, Bakugou hurt him a lot, but did not traumatize Izuku. Can they be friends already please they're each other's everything T_T

#bakudeku #bkdk

[duxpuella]

Hey! I was wondering if you could please do headcanons for a Charlie comforting the reader (gender neutral) on a bad day or something along the lines of that? Thank you :))

Headcanons of Charlie D. comforting (gn!) reader on a bad day

<Atention: Modern AU where Neil lives, and Welton’s a boys & girls school.

Warnings: Fluff; >

Note: Y/n - your name/ Y/Ln - your last name/ Y/fn - your friend’s; You might also like this one.

Mental health is an important matter and should be taken seriously. Depression takes many forms and all are valid, all worthy of attention and treatment. Remember that building a support network with people you love and trust is a critical step in treatment and should not be underestimated, you don't have to go through it alone. If possible, seek follow-up with health professionals (psychiatrists, therapists, psychologists) whom you trust and feel comfortable to work with.

Here's a few posts to help you go through those tough times: 1 2 3

Also, here’s my Charlie playlist, hope you enjoy it!

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It was Valentine's Day and you had no one to spend the day with. Usually, it wouldn't matter but since everything was in heart shape or in tones of red. It was oppressive in a certain way. You didn't' feel like you needed a lover to be happy but the decorations were making you feel like it.

Your friends were a bit sorry for you but too revolved around their own lovers to do anything. Except for Charlie, of course. As a contrarian, he was disgusted and lectured all of you during most part of the day about how Valentine's Day is a capitalist construct to make you consume.

"You know what I think?" you said after another lecture to Charlie, "you're just upset that you have no one to spend the day with, and seeing as if you do actually makes you feel better!" he looked at you, drowning in disbelief. "Says who? I mean, I had many options to spend my day with, I wanted to be alone in solidarity with you!"

Charlie's comfort is subtle. It will require diplomatic skills for you to notice.

His comfort is not soft and/or warm. Is more in the sense of "You are right!"

He would also try to provide you with gifts and food (not because it's his love language but because this is the only way he knows how to give someone comfort in an effective way).

He would try to make you laugh away the problem (making quirky and snarky comments).

Charlie would also try to take good care of you! Not letting you drown in self-destructive behaviors and addictions.

Definitely would try to cuddle you!

He's not very talkative about it, but you can always count on him to listen to the problem.

The best person to come to if you have difficulties expressing your feelings, with the exception of words, he's the master to find non-verbal subtle little things to express himself.

Observant, you don't need to tell him much of anything since his eyes have seen enough to fill in the gaps.

Would try to come up with crazy and impractical solutions just to make you laugh.

Hope you like it! I take requests by ask! (info on requests);

Also, you’ll find more of my writing here.

#duxpuella headcanons #dps hcs #dead poets society #dps fandom #dps hc #dps headcanons #charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton #charlie dalton? yea he has my heart and soul

[thinkofitasablessing]

I love him in a way I never felt for anyone when I look at him it just blows my mind away I wonder if there's anyone more beautiful in whole world and I know even if I searched the whole world no one else can be more beautiful I know its my love which is making him special but can't help this I have never found any man more beautiful than him maybe I never truly loved anyone I write poems about him when I think of him poetry just flows from my pen it was him definitely who made me fall in love with I said I'm not ready I'm scared he kept showing me that how much he loves me for literally more than 8 months so I also fell in love with him too he showed me how much he loves and used to say that there's no one else that make him feel the way I do but I wonder why his love changed he wouldn't reply for two weeks saying he was busy he started reacting in anger over things instead of understanding he wouldn't listen to me instead of solving the problem his behavior made me worried I asked my friend to check him I was worried he isn't being sincere with me and he starred melting for her even just in 2 days and said to her I love you and all while he was talking to me he said her that I'm so happy I found you I wonder if he was fooling me or her whatever this thing made me so disgusted with him but I still can't help and get rid of his love I feel so bad about myself because I'm the kind of girl who has ignored guys all her life and only had a reserved nature stern nature I never had any male friends and didn't even talk to guys in my class I always had stern nature while talking just work related as our religion says but I wonder why I'm head over heals love in him when he doesn't has any qualities I wanted in my man I said why are you searching clues for fight he got mad over it and said its all in your brain and it will never change I asked so many sorry's and I said I will never do this again we will sort things and when you're angry I won't react back etc you shouldn't just go over this argument it was always me saying him sorry's mostly over arguments and avoided arguments in all costs but he blocked me I messaged him from other accounts telling him how much he mean to me how much I love him how much there can be no one else and I can't marry anyone else I told him how much he means to me sending very very long paragraphs but he didn't reply and just blocked me from every where I know he isn't treating me right but I feeeeel so in love with him even I had the option to choose anyone from world I would choose him over and over again and I wish that he realizes what he lost and comes back because I feel there's no one else that can love her the way I do I could be just sitting there just looking at him and nothing in the whole world would amuse me more than that just being with him is enough to make me happy should I pray that he comes back and love me rightly because I'm sure he will realize one day that no other women can forgive love and tolerate him the way I can shohld I pray that he comes back or forget him I feel so confused and lost.

I understand and this happens. And im sorry for what you have been through. You know people are difficult to understand. Sometimes they pretend that they love you and it is just to fill the void and they do everything to impress you and make you understand that they are worth trusting but they are just having fun with your feelings and sometimes they really do love you and you know the rest if someone really wants to stay with you. as you mentioned about your friend that he said he loved her. So you better come back to your senses because it wasn’t really love what he is doing. Its more of a game that hes been playing. Because when someone likes you for who you are then there shouldn’t be any reason to avoid you.

Its not good for your mental health to think about a person who doesn’t even want to see your messages. It was never love that 8 months. They were prolly using you as a back up and i know its hurtful but you gotta understand how the world has become.

You into someone and that someone is into someone else . And loyalty lies nowhere. What you can do is make dua for not falling into these traps. Because you have a heart and when it’s hurt then you can't take it. Just make Dua for the betterment of yourself.

Try forgetting him because he was nothing but a passing cloud and its not possible for you to stop him and make him love you back.

And you dont have to be sorry to him for anything because when you say sorry then you will lose him even more… and its because he gets strong and makes you look like you are at fault from the very beginning.

In your life some things are not meant to happen…

No matter how hard you try. There is always a big NEVER waiting for you.

May Allah bless you with a pious spouse who will love you unconditionally.

[i-love-hobbies]

Eda's reckless behaviour and overall mental health

Summary

Eda is a genius, but is very emotional when making decisions (not anger, but fear, stress ect.)

Her reckless behaviour and apple blood problem in my opinion are her ways of running from reality.

In season 1 she made a bit of progress on this issue. Then the finale happened. Then she made again progress and s2ep7 did a complete reset. And she is making progress now again.

Eda's intelligence

She's been a criminal for thirty years. She has been in the shady business for an extremely long time. Yes magic definitely helps but you also have to find a way to be on top of the game, so you can survive.

Remember Tibbles' shrinking potion. She can't really use a lot of magic if she is shrinked or poisoned and dead, can she? Not to talk about her enemies which you'd think would attack her now that she is magicless.

They haven't on screen, yet. The only ones that tried are Adegast and Tibbles and they both died without her using any magic (or close to nothing).

Now we know that she doesn't make plans a lot on screen. In s2ep3 especially she just let's Luz make the plan but that's because she is her mentor.

In s2ep6 Luz used sleeping needles which is wild magic so no, it's not knowledge coming from Hexside. Also the pickpocketing Luz mentioned.

Teachers don't do the tests instead of students.

She teaches her everything that isn't glyphs. I wouldn't be surprised if she has told stories to Luz about her best "outsmarting everyone in the room" moments.

Now we have seen some of her problem solving on screen. One of which was in ep.18 fight only using her channelled magic trough the staff (im not taking credit for noticing this, have no idea who did though) and used the bridge.

Also if she can telepathically talk to her staff. Owlbert saving Luz was probably her idea.

She had her impact on Raine's rebellion as well, without having magic or turning into a harpy.

"You are not our mom!"

"Wow, we actually helped people this time!"

"Bye, mommy Eda!"

In the back of her head she knows exactly what to do, everytime something happens.

Eda's mental health

Eda's curse and the nightmares it causes. The father incident. The fact that she probably thought Lilith was scared of her.

Lilith's hidden guilt and her taking her father's eye out don't mix well together. I wouldn't be surprised if they barely spoke even if they lived in a house together.

Her losing Raine.

Her faith in the emporer being broken.

She has seen a lot of death, that does impact people.

Season 1

At the beginning of the series she was making a lot of bad choices which don't aline with her experience.

The series starts with her getting caught by Warden Wrath. Instead of just sneaking, they were just walking comfortably in the corridors.

They are kids, one from another dimension, but her... She doesn't know better? And for a paper crown that she can replace by stealing from someone else.

Next episode we are introduced to her morning drink later on confirmed to be for adults only. And that drink didn't get a mention for the rest of the season. In that episode she is also not the most clear-headed. She didn't try to sneak, she didn't use potions. Didn't try to plan.

A list about her being impatient can go on and on.

So when does she think. When she realises it's dangerous (aka when it's right in her face). Literally in the first episode the moment she started doing stuff is when she got caught and spat on the warden's face.

In episode 2 she didn't do that because she didn't know if Luz was alive and had a hard time bottling her feelings. Like if Luz proved to him to be hard to keep tight up he could have killed her, the girl that came back for her and her son yesterday. And she proved to Eda that she is a little dangerous the previous episode with her fireworks.

Eda was rational again, after she was with both King and Luz.

As the series went on though she started to calm down a bit.

Firstly, the fact that she was so focused on fixing her card problem, after Tibbles scammed her, that she trew them away in another dimension.

I was wondering how she overcame it so quickly.

It also shows her knowledge of how to handle this type of problems which brings up a question. How did she learn it?

Secondly let's compare the first half of the season to the second.

1. Everything I already pointed out and was hiding the curse. The stuff that happened in ep.5. Her refusal to be parental in ep.7. Body swapped.

2. She gets scammed again (this time though, how do you expect that someone was digging their own grave). Didn't use a sleeping spell on the slitherbeast immediately instead was just standing there. Got caught by the fun police. Worsened King's stage fright.

In ep.15 because of her ignorance Luz and Amity almost die. Except that is not the full story. She had at this point a lot of faith in Luz and this was her friend's mind.

For Amity it's not that she hated her. Amity actually saved her in ep.12. It's because she wasn't that important for her to realise. "Omg Willow is at the very least extremely mad at her."

It's again a refusal to think, but for a stranger and not really on purpose. It was just a habit of hers.

Episode 18 and 19

At the beginning of the episode. Eda hid the curse, again.

When she learned that Lilith had kidnapped Luz. She didn't try to make a plan. She just revealed herself in all her glory while her magic was disappearing.

Shot the staff in a wall while she was having no idea, what that was supposed to accomplish.

Luz showed up and she finally started thinking.

Afterwards Lilith said we all know what and for the first time Eda's anger was the leader of her choices and Luz almost fell on to the spikes.

So then, for the very least a night, she was stuck in her mind with something, that was chasing her. She woke up to Emporer Baby the B*tch, who was telling her, he was about to go after Luz.

And no she didn't believe in Lilith, but was so overwhelmed. It was insane. So she begged. After some more running, she woke up to Luz in the Comformatoriam.

Next, she was about to get petrified and for awhile this was the calmest things have been since she got caught. Then Lilith shows up (ah yes she existed).

King jumped "She was trying to help!". Wait King was there.

Petrification beam go.

PURE PAIN!

Then she got the idea for all of them to fly away. Lilith shared the curse making the confusion even bigger. Then her magic is gone (that was a thing). She learned that the portal is destroyed. Now she was living with Lilith and might have starved to death with everyone else in the house.

After all of this she not only tried but HAD TO pretend that she was mentally stable, so they could survive this mess.

Season 2A

In episode 1 she told Luz not to go after big bounties and then tried to steal from a coven's ship.

At this point her emotions are the only thing that made decisions while they were also getting hidden. Don't get me wrong she did help and should, especially Luz but it's ALL feelings. She didn't think about consequences, which sometimes are good.

She didn't attack Lilith cause it's just not the time, she's scared from her own anger. Plus she can't really stand being with the roller coaster of emotions, that came with being in one room with her.

This didn't mean she didn't work with her and hadn't listened to the backstory, though.

The episode ends with her and everyone else not being close to dieing. Finally!

So now what? She tried to think about Lilith? Yeah, she probably preferred not to.

Then her glyph almost kills King, but Lilith showed up and helped. This is probably a familiarity she missed. So again she decided not to process it, but it definitely sticks.

She also didn't notice Luz being hurt.

Next episode, we saw Eda taking a shower which means she has healthy coping mechanisms, at least one, self-care and is not yet a workaholic.

Luz's apple blood joke is concerning.

After the events of episode 3. Luz probably told her that Lilith stayed with her and King, instead of just leaving them, get killed by Jean-Luc.

Then Eda still isn't certain where she stands about everything and Lilith just left, with her final act being, giving King mental issues.

Throughout this whole thing her mom was there with her cures/annual accidental attempt to kill her favourite daughter.

In this episode, Eda fell for apple blood signs. Rationality is out of the window.

In ep.6 she decided to help, with students getting palisman. Again not thinking about all the trauma, but finally doing something against her first instinct.

In ep.7 she heard King's "Le-" and refused to fully process, where the heck is he gonna go.

She also punched someone, cause this is gonna work?

Now she has reconnected with Raine having no idea should she even think of a romantic relationship again? And decided to be useful at least for something since she "can't raise kids".

She was helping and being very good at it, but it came from fear of loneliness.

Then she heard that Belos has a plan and just is overwhelmed. What if the kids get hurt, is she powerless?

Oh, look! Raine might be dead!

Next episode she overworked herself.

In between ep.8 and 9 she was trying to scare the beast into transforming. (She is losing her sanity. Literally the previous episode told her not to do that.)

In episode 9 again it's all emotional. She wants to feel better and be stronger, so she told King to blast her (almost blasting Amity), hit fool's blood even though Amity said the lake is further ahead.

Luckily she showed progress too.

She ate voles, which was against how she was feeling.

In ep.10 she was scared of letting Luz in the portal. I'm not saying she wouldn't have before, but I don't think it was easy.

Right now, after s2ep10, I think she isn't the most mentally stable. But she is definitely working on it.

#toh #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #the owl lady #toh lilith

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore