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#AND COULD ONLY EAT NASTY CABBAGE
imalsorettish · 1 month
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It was either today or yesterday, actually it was yesterday thinking about it cuz my boss was there, yesterday at work i had two polish people on my tour. At one point theyre up at the front with me, the woman speaks english but her husband does not. A girl next to them in line asked if they were polish and spoke a teeny bit of polish to them. Her grandmother was from poland. She said she only knew like a few sentences in polish, and they were like ah! yeah! cool :) and i said Omg thats neat! My lineage is polish lithuanian! Small world! And the polish lady goes, oh do you know what polish town youre from? And i said No, my family emigrated to lithuania after poland and I know more about their lives in lithuania than I do about their lives in poland. And she goes mmmmm yeahhhhhh a lot of people say they have polish ancestors but when it really comes down to it they dont actually know what town and theyre not actually polish. BITCH... MY LAST NAME IS A DERIVATIVE OF WOJTEK. EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU. IT WAS 150 YEARS AGO! I DONT REMEMBER MY GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRAND BUBBES TOWN OF BIRTH DAWG. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TOWN MY CURRENT LIVING GRANDMOTHERS WERE BORN IN. whaddaya want from me. I just said, yeah well. i could tell you the town were from in lithuania. my last name is still lithuanian. like fr man. Cmon. Im white as shit and my family is from chicopee yes we are fucking polish lithuanian. Like there isnt an overlap of population there? I was literally just making polite conversation and youre like HMMMM POSER. Bitch! im fucking polish! How the fuck would u know?
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chaosheadspace · 1 year
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Hob's relationship with food is a complicated one. He stands in the kitchen of the New Inn, because the big pots fit better on the stove down here than on the one upstairs. He has been hungry many times in his life, not just in the century following Eleanor's and Robyn's death. There were many occasions when food was sparse or straight up not available. Sometimes he thinks it has messed with his brain a bit.
Hob checks the temperature and hopes none of the jars have opened or spilled over. Twist-off is a marvelous invention, but for this he'd rather put his trust in metal clips and rubber. It feels safer. That's why he's doing this in the first place, even if it takes up much of his time in the summer and fall. It feels safe. It calms him.
The small backyard of the inn is crammed with raised garden beds, trellises put up along the wall and fences. In the beds against the brick wall are the tomatoes, because it absorbs and reflects the warmth of the sun. There's one bed full of straw and potatoes, one with beans, one with carrots, there's cabbage and salad and turnips and strawberries. In the corner grows a small, gnarly apple tree and next to it a single cucumber plant, taking over almost the entire floor space between the beds. Hob has tried and failed to tie it up along the trellis countless times, so he lets it be where it is happy and just carefully steps over it each time he comes to the garden, big leaves brushing his bare legs.
The raspberries along the fence are a right hassle to maintain, growing through to the other side to grab at the pedestrians for nutrients, Hob is sure. They're vicious. He keeps them anyway, because he is a sucker for preserved raspberries over porridge, especially in winter. It's easy to make a lot of it, too. He just picks the ripe ones, pops them into the freezer and preserves a large batch at the end of the season. Hob still remembers the early centuries of his immortality, when he could only eat berries whenever he came across them in the woods and that would be it.
He checks on the pressure canner next to the large pot with the tomatoes and takes the heat down a bit. Beans are tricky. He'd done them his usual way up until he'd got a nasty bout of botulism in the 60s. And while he's immortal, he's as partial to pain as the next bloke, which is not very. Well. Except in certain circumstances, none of which ideally involve beans. Or jars. He only ate store bought beans for two decades after that, until he saw an ad and purchased his first pressure canner and welcomed the tall, delicate plants back into his garden. Because despite the rising quality of preserves and cans in stores it never tastes quite the same, does it?
He's done his fair share of curing meat, too, ham and sausages and fish, way, way, back. Still remembers his mother teaching him, remembers her big, strong hands, smoke burning in his eyes. This winter he plans on getting back into it, reading a few books, maybe taking a course. A bit less nitrite in his diet would do him good. Hob shakes his head. He sounds like his own grandmother would if he'd been born 35 years ago.
He's still working on refilling his stash. After the pandemic hit he'd slowly given most of it away, to students, to neighbors, to friends. Some of it he personally put on doorsteps, for the rest he'd organised a pick-up system with boxes. The walk-in pantry behind his kitchen had been almost empty. Sometimes he wonders if he would have liked more space in his kitchen, but then again the kitchen down here is also technically his. He wouldn't trade the calming reassurance of having food readily available to him, no matter the circumstances, for a bit of sitting space.
The next day, when the jars have cooled down, he carries them upstairs into his pantry, past the food-safe buckets full of grain and flour and sugar, past the empty crates where he will store his cabbages, his carrots and turnips in cool sand, his apples wrapped in newspaper come fall, and sorts the new jars behind the few remaining ones from last year. He figures after more than 600 years of living he's allowed to be a little crazy.
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theyareweird · 7 months
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Frankie Stein's Home Ick by Ms. Kindergrubber Survival Guide
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Flyleaf
Frankie's comment (blue pen):
Hey everybody! If you haven't taken this class yet, I'm going to give you everything you need to know to survive Home Ick with Ms. Kindergrubber. If you follow my advice, you'll never fall apart in class.
Class Overview
Home Ick introduces students to an amazing world of practical skills and concepts that will continue to haunt them for the rest of their unlives. This class will cover but is not limited to the following subjects:
Basic potions, concoctions and mixtures
Proper use and care of cauldrons and ovens
Practical stitching and sewing techniques —Fave!
Issues and careers in Home Ick and the mad food sciences
Monster biology and food choices
Many monsters that haven't taken Home Ick believe that it is an easy class. That could not be further from the truth! Ms. Kindergrubber loves, loves, loves this subject, and she'll expect you to love it as much as she does. If you think you can just drive-through and order up an "A," you'll be in trouble, and that's why I'm here to help.
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Lecture
The instructor will explain the techniques necessary to completing the student's weekly assignments.
Basically Ms. K. shows us how to do something and we're expected to do it the same way… the exact same way.
Tests
Both written and practical exams will be used as a measuring tool to assess a student's comprehension of the presented information.
Ms. K. likes to use her recipes as tests to make sure you take good notes when she gives out the recipe during lecture cause she makes you taste test everything! Spectra added too much frog hair to a recipe we were being tested on and it made her smell like burnt popcorn wrapped in spoiled cabbage.
Yuck.
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Supplies
Notebook and pen
Apron —If you don't bring your own apron Ms. K. has box of loaners and they are totally nasty.
Hairnet —(There is no way to look fashionable in a hair net… I'm sorry it just cannot be done.)
Fireproof oven mitts
Thimble
Other Things You Need To Know
–On the day you make dragon butter, make sure you don't eat before you come to class. Just trust me on this.
–Prepare for broken nails, head-to-toe soot, and a week of lectures on oven safety. Oh, and don't ever ask Ms. K. to check if your oven is hot enough. Totally freaks her out for some reason.
–If you think this is just a class for the ghouls, you'd be dead wrong. Deuce was in my class, and he was a total rock star when it came to the cooking part of the class. His recipes were the only ones that Ms. K. would actually try herself. She made the rest of us try them out on each other. Deuce tried to say he just got lucky, but I don't believe it. Besides that, there are usually four times as many ghouls as guys… just saying.
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–You'll get to spend a week in the creepateria helping to prepare and serve food. It's a shockingly difficult job, especially when you think about having to come up with meals that appeal to as many different monsters as possible. That's the reason all the choices are either gravy brown or slightly gray. They have a little bit of everything thrown in them, so there'll be at least one taste that's familiar to every monster. On the last day you work in the creepateria, the lurch ladies make their specialties just for the class, and they can really cook! Plus after having to ladle a mile in their hairnets makes you a lot less likely to complain about the food in the creepateria.
–Do not use Draculaura as an example of a monster that doesn't eat what they're "supposed" to. It makes Ms. K. cranky, and I think she keeps a dirty cauldron set aside just for monsters that bring this up.
–Every monster has to do a class project for the Home Ick open cottage. That's when parents and other students get to come in and check out all our mad skills. You won't be shocked to know that I chose a sewing project. I even know some knots that Ms. K. doesn't, and I got extra credit for demonstrating them to the class. You probably don't want to choose the life-size gingerbread house as your project, though, because, for some reason, Ms. K. is really, really picky about how it needs to be done.
Hope this info charges you up for the class.
Love, Frankie
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Sewing 101
Dress pattern
Back Front
1. Cut out 2 in any fabric of your choice. Lay flat sew 3/8" in from edge up back seam inside out.
2. Cut out 1 in any fabric of your choice. Sew onto back piece 3/8" from edge inside out. Turn right inside out. Add snap.
Faculty
Ms. Kindergrubber began her career in the Home Ick sciences when it was just a cottage industry. Eventually though, so many students found themselves on the path to her sweet little place in the country that she found herself pushed into teaching. She has authored several cookbooks and her Black Forest cake is simply to die for. —YUMMM!!!!
You should know that Ms. K. does not see very well but she hears everything and her nose is better than Clawdeen's on a full moon.
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smallsadchild · 1 year
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New random BSD take based on nothing but my own thoughts and selfish desires of making Chuuya a little bit more feral gremlin. This may be a bit long and all over the place.
So, I was thinking about fanart I’ve seen of Tetcho and Chuuya and I think it’d be fucking great if Chuuya was also sort of a menace when it came to mixing food? Like not to the same degree as Tetcho (though they both get worse the more they hang out together) but not only does Chuuya have some weird genetics/lab rat shit going on with him (who knows what may be up with his sense of taste,) he also grew up in a gang of kids on the street. That boy did NOT have a normal diet and I feel like Kyoyous training could only do so much.
Anyway, I think Chuuya also enjoys horrific food combinations, (perhaps partially due to him still having the inclination to eat what he can when he can.) I like the concept that Chuuya’s the kind of person to just mix everything on his plate together into one homogeneous lump and eat it like that. You know those horrible like, 50’s American gelatin creations with the unflavored gelatin and peas and bananas with Mayo on top kinda thing? Genuinely something he would eat and enjoy. Cabbage and peanut butter sandwich? Down the hatch. Eats onions like apples and enjoys tormenting Dazai with it. (Who yeah, okay, his eating habits may not be the BEST but at least he doesn’t put wasabi on Oreos and then dip them in coffee like a fucking psychopathic chibi he knows.)
I don’t think Dazai was completely disgusted by Chuuya’s eating habits though (well okay maybe he was but he found it funny too.) He enjoyed experimenting with different combinations and trying to find where Chuuya drew the line. He used to add random shit to Chuuya’s food when he wasn’t looking, just to see if his partner would notice (usually he didn’t, or maybe he simply didn’t care.)
As Chuuya gets older I think his pallet does become a bit more refined, (or at least he pretends it is when company’s around,) thanks to Kyoyou’s etiquette training and having access to actual recipes and such. But he still eats weird shit I think, and a friendship/relationship with Tetcho I feel would have them making and consuming the most ungodly meals to ever grace the earth. Those absolutely fucked protein shakes some people make? Yeah.
I love them being friends and shit ‘cuz I think they would both amplify each others nasty little bitey gremlin attributes and it would be fucking hilarious. Also boyfriends getting swole together? + the height difference? Hell yeah.
Anyway Chuuya deserves to be more of a gremlin I think. He may know how to act like a sophisticated gentleman at this point, but he’s still a punk ass troublemaker, he just dresses better now. Love him sm <3
(Also mostly unrelated, very not thought out idea, Dazai has gotten Atsushi to eat part of a leather shoe before. I don’t know why but it just feels like something he would do.)
Here’s an example of the 50’s gelatin abominations btw.
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donuts4evry1 · 2 years
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hi, im doing some pokemon esque monster designs for fun (game concept design, not serious, more just "hehe funny amnimals") and all of them have alt designs/species. i would like jellyfish reccomendations!!!
In honour of the
compass jellyfish
I just posted about, I'd like to talk about it in a more coherent fashion!
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It's a type of "sea nettle," which has the distinct shape most people think of when they think of jellyfish.
Other than those cool looking stripes, it's pretty normal except for the fact that it's a sequential hermaphrodite (which, despite some opinions I've seen online, is quite rare for a Schyzophoan jellyfish). After maturing into a medusa, it is a male- but eventually, as they grow older, it will develop female gametes. Females will also provide shelter to the planula, rather than simply leaving them behind like other species of jellyfish.
I think the stripes could potentially be a fun design choice, by the off chance you decide to use this. It seems to be one of the kinder species (despite having a nasty sting), so I could see this being a fairy type :).
Next up we have the “Egg Yolk Jellyfish,” similar to such species like the “Lion’s Mane” and such.
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It’s cute :), but it also mainly predates on other sea jellies (or so the Monterey Bay Aquarium leads me to believe).
It also has a symbiotic relationship with larval crabs, offering some food/protection/mobility in return for the crabs eating the parasites :). I imagine this species could be like mantine and remoraid (also the idea of crabs being on top of/inside of jellyfish is absolutely adorable to me hehehe), perhaps a flying type in reference to this? Mobility stuff
There isn’t much information on this jellyfish (at least, not individually)- but I’d like to present to you the “Brown Banded Moon Jelly”:
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It is pretty much similar to the A. aurita, minus the distinctive brown band lining the bottom of its bell (and usually prefers the colder seas). In principle alone, it’s almost like a variant of what we consider “normal” moon jellies to be. Perhaps a ground/water type just for the mental image the brown might conjure?
Next up is “Nomura’s Jellyfish”, or echizen kurage, as it’s known in Japan.
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Not only is it considered the largest cnidarian (growing up to 2 meters tall and weighing over 400 kg), but it’s also a bit of a menace- replicating in immense numbers and being an overall menace to the japanese fishing industry.
Naturally, it also has a nasty sting. Because of course it does. The japanese have tried to find uses for it by trying to make it commercially available as food, though that venture didn’t work (it’s still sold as ice cream tho :>, take that Vanillite!)
I’m not sure what kind of variant this could be, but I’m sure it would make a fine inspiration for a jellyfish pokemon :) (and honestly it kinda reminds me of Jellicent thanks to its size)
I’d love to ramble more about different jellies (I’ve only touched the surface on the various shapes that they can come in) but I’ve definitely taken too much time on this so I think I’ll just end it off with a jellyfish that I used to revisit a lot but haven’t really talked about much, the “Cannonball Jellyfish” (Or the cabbage head jellyfish)
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It’s pretty closely related to the likes of the Palau jelly and the Australian spotted jelly- though one aspect of this jellyfish really stood out to me:
It’s VERY big in the commercial jellyfish industry (for food, at least haha)- this one, at least, being Georgia’s 3rd largest seafood export (most of it going to Eastern and South Eastern Asia).
The name invokes the idea of grass type to me- so I feel like it could be one of those pokemon that happens to grow delicious food on it (like tropius or appletun). Perhaps a grass/water variant?
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starvette · 10 months
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T 25/90 || K2 || GF = K + 8
Am I struggling on my Kitavan diet? A bit yes, already. Planning meals meticulously far ahead helps. Just gotta have funding and stay mindful and present, and focused, and plan. I got discount soybean fettuccine. A hundred grams of that has forty five grams of protein. I won't have to have anything else for the day. Well, I should shred some of that cabbage into new kaleslaw. I think I'll just write a lot about food now. I exported the most aesthetic quotes from Marya's book to my email. During difficult moments I shall reread those.
There's a sun crisis. It's not coming out of the damn clouds! I looked at the forecast and they're saying it won't come back for the entirety of July?! This is actually catastrophic.
I think I'll need to stop buying berries. They're just too delicious. I can't stop eating right now. Just woke up at four in the morning. I dreamt about guiltily buying cake (it was a cherry chocolate type of situation). Bingewatched pictures of cake and Claire Saffitz baking cookies. Then more Titan. Pictures of sundaes and banana splits. Just very very very very very very lazy today. Sat for like five hours straight.
At noon or so I was presented with A Cat. I was meant to take care of him for a day. He snores with every inhale. We slept together. It was all nice. Until late at night when he started begging to go outside. Looks like cats do understand what's behind that entrance door! It's a relief. I heard booms of thunder as I was making my soybean fettuccine. I finished it and opened the window to watch the lightning show with cat but alas he immediately jumped down outside. I had to finish my fettuccine that I worked for so hard before going after him. It was just five minutes. You already know how fast I can wolf down a bowl of pasta. And by then he was nowhere to be found. Clearly, no desire to return home. Then, a terrible shower started.
For a couple days now I've lost my fin fear and have been applying it to my arms and, ahem, nipple. I put the microscope out of my mind until the 30th. I'll see if I can get those photographs taken by some pro at a clinic. Besides, I've got my control nipple (which I'm not afraid to show) and control arm. I'm going through Derek's amazing lectures and wishing I could just download them all to my brain. He said he can get all the molecules he wants pretty easily. I felt like a stupid little baby hearing that. Mairi said I wouldn't get scarring. Maybe I can bypass this whole drug route. But then again I don't trust anyone.
Fucking hate this diet. There's even no more cheapy legume pasta at LIDL. Things I can eat: Legume pasta (the only thing I actually *like*), chia pudding (the best vehicle for collagen), frozen veggie mix, veggie soup with soy croutons, seasoned lentil cakes with olive oil, nutritional yeast on everything, nuts and seeds by themselves, olives with health crackers (expensive), cherry tomatoes, avocado just by itself?! (I won't be seeing fish roe again until my next lifetime so forget about that avoroe delicacy), kaleslaw or some other nasty salad, TOFU (god bless her), salmon, I don't know if tuna ever again...I can't think of anything else. Beans and friends. Although I did read that people started cultivating those around the same time as grains so really why are legumes so much better?! I am technically allowed berries too but I'm so miserable that I can't help gobbling the entire 400 gram pack down right away which is not how they're meant to be consumed at this time. Those frozen bitches are at peak ripeness and *very* sweet. Well, and then there is coffee and teas, and my fake and gay almond milk. I was also looking at three ingredient vegan keto cookies but I don't know if I should be using xylitol right now. Not to mention the pricetag. Time has slowed down. Maybe that's exactly what I needed. After all it had sped up so much I had to start writing this blog.
If I can manage this for any meaningful length of time, then I would later be adding in potatoes and corn, berries, and maybe grapefruits. Oh, and oatmeal? After I'm done with three months of no gluten? Ha. I think I'll always be afraid of whole wheat unless I test it with a CGM. Which costs money.
Yesterday I was looking at deep sea fish and I read that at least one of them could go five years without eating. It helps to imagine myself as a deep sea fish that eats disgusting slimy organic matter - anything at all with nutrients, the raw building blocks of life. I read of another fish that can live for up to two hundred years in complete darkness. I wonder what the hell do you do with such a life. I think these fish must be very enlightened.
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csmcglw-blog · 1 year
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The Swamp
Cat tails, strange cabbage Wild moon, a cool breeze Out here in the wild It's killing, or eating Or breeding or you're getting killed Sometimes we may forget This bog is like a city For strange creatures with Less complicated minds He walks into the lagoon Dissappears beneath the mire And have you felt the claw Of cruel nature's biting law? No time to give any thought To the justice of the day Yey there's justice anyway Everything alive lives a life And when it dies it is dead The half eaten skull with Flies dancing round the head Like a crown of thorns We proclaim the nature of death But to walk this primeval place And see the world of the unseen Nature in harmony with nature God made flesh in growing things And to be wounded many times Claws and brambles in my eyes Broken bones, nasty cuts Alone in the woods just one of us A dark night and a manic dream Then the darkness absorbed everything And I was like death until the dawn Picked up my body and moved on The City of the Brave A place with titles made for fools The proclamation "what good are ye" Is a statement of inner greed I proclaim the soul of life and death! You'd had better look past all the rest Only a man of transistors and wires Could somehow deny the soul Too busy working in the simulation Living soft and low in the city of gold It's not like the swamp Where everything is real It ain't like a swamp When survival's your hottest deal So put down your gadgets and pens Take off your fancy lens None of us here are good enough to judge But out in the wilds one thing chases Another runs The amorality of fate Exposes the self-righteous way too late Cause we all discover in the end Evil is only just pretend There is no thing but instead a lack And a lacking soul is very sad So bring the wounded to the swap Fill their emptiness with what is Consciousness beyond all hate Flows from the lilles on the lake No city-style jargony decree Could make a damaged soul get free We all go back to the Source in the end And all but Love was just pretend
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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
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Hey does nie huisang's mother ever come back? I really liked the part where she doted and bonded with mingjue. I think even though she's not human she'd be even more delighted with him and more or less adopt him all over again after seeing how he cared so fiercely for huisang (also I don't think she'd care that guangyao has given up. Try to touch either of her kids and your a dead man... or maybe just mingjue? Since he's human and a LOT younger than her maybe she just goes around killing the people that have the capacity and wish to kill him)
spontaneous sequel to this morning’s fic (ao3 link here)
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Huli jing were pretty rare, as spiritual beasts went, and that was generally considered to be a good thing - when they were bad, they were very very bad - but Nie Mingjue faithfully followed up on every possible lead regardless, putting it out among the other cultivation sects that he had a special interest and would appreciate - with monetary remuneration, even - a heads up should one ever show itself.
Mostly this meant following up on a lot of false leads, including, in one somewhat embarrassing case, an actual fox that had stolen the local farmer’s prize goose.
Still: family was family, and so he kept it up.
He had to stop during the war, naturally, and in the period immediately following it when his health had gotten very bad for a while, although luckily the dragon managed to fix it back up, and he’d been doing very well ever since. Lan Xichen had wondered if it was Clarity and Jin Guangyao had refused to talk to him for a month for some reason, but that wasn’t that important.
He was feeling better now, so he started following up on leads again. Nie Huaisang was coming up on his first quarter-century very soon, and that was supposed to be a big event - his first tail! - and books were all well and good but someone, anyone, with experience was better.
Ironically enough, he found what he was looking for on a scheduled hunt that wasn’t anything anyone had identified as a huli jing, but rather what appeared to be rather a great deal of nu gui appearing all at once near Lanling, enough to make a notorious womanizer like Jin Guangshan start to sweat. They’d all been making the rounds, all the various Great Sects together - even Jiang Cheng had joined in, as well as Lan Wangji, recently emerged from seclusion with a scowl firmly on his face.
“Why do you think they’re aiming at the Jin sect?” Lan Xichen wondered aloud as they walked around the edges of an abandoned village very close to Lanling - one of the trouble spots. “It’d be one thing if it were one of them, but so many...?”
“My theory is that someone is murdering all of Sect Leader Jin’s outside women so that they’ll go after him,” Jiang Cheng said, then glanced at Jin Guangyao. “No offense meant, of course.”
Jin Guangyao waved a hand dismissively. He’d started loosening up in the time since he met the dragon, revealing a bit more of his sharper and nastier side in a way that made Nie Mingjue respect him more than all of his fake softness had, and for some reason that had made Jiang Cheng warm right up to him. All for the good, in Nie Mingjue’s opinion, since they were all but co-raising that nephew of theirs...
“Who would do that, though?” he asked. “It’s as if they bear him a grudge, but it seems like a roundabout way of going about -”
“Dumpling!”
Nie Mingjue stopped moving.
There was a woman standing in the door to one of the village houses. Like a nu gui she was dressed all in red, but her flesh was ruddy and her complexion vibrant; her luxurious hair looped in a widow’s braids but her figure just as gorgeous as it had ever been.
She held out her hands towards Nie Mingjue, smiling. “Oh, cabbage bun, meat pie, my darling! How have you been?”
“...did she just...”
“Right to Chifeng-zun‘s face?”
Nie Mingjue put Baxia away.
“Mingjue-xiong?” Lan Xichen asked, frowning. “You should be careful; we had heard that this village was abandoned of all human life.”
“No one who calls Chifeng-zun a cabbage bun could be human,” Jiang Cheng mumbled under his breath. 
“Second mother?” Nie Mingjue called tentatively as he approached, and ignored how the cultivators around him all abruptly went silent and slack-jawed. “Is that you?”
“Naturally,” she said. “You don’t think I’d miss my baby’s birthday, do you? After you did such a good job taking care of him, too! Oh, my little carp, I’m sorry it took so long. I had to cut one off to escape, you understand, and once you do that you’re really rather stuck until you gather enough power to get back to full strength...would’ve been a touch awkward, wouldn’t you say?”
She certainly talked about as much as Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue reflected.
“He’ll be happy to see you,” he said. If this was the wrong huli jing - and he wouldn’t be shocked if it was, what with the way they changed faces - and a trick was being played, it wouldn’t work on Nie Huaisang. “Were you planning on staying long? Just the birthday, or...?”
He wasn’t giving up Nie Huaisang to anyone at all, not even his birth mother.
“I hadn’t quite decided,” she said, nodding in a way that meant that she understood his meaning and didn’t intend to dispute it; he relaxed at the sight of her agreement. “I got a little distracted, actually. Don’t think I didn’t hear about what that nasty man tried to do to you!”
“Nasty man?” Nie Mingjue asked, puzzled. “Do you mean Wen Ruohan? That was ages ago.”
“Not him, my gooey little egg! That nasty Jin sect leader, all sly and underhanded tricks - not that I mind sly and underhanded tricks, of course, least of all murderous ones - but I mean, really. The gall of that man, thinking he could snap up my little morsel before I could!”
“...does she like Chifeng-zun or want to eat him?” Jiang Cheng whispered.
“Unknown,” Lan Wangji murmured back.
“Shhh,” Lan Xichen said. “A-Yao, are you all right? You’ve gone terribly pale...”
“Anyway, chicken wing, I decided to bring back all of his nightmares to haunt him,” she chattered on cheerfully, throwing her head haughtily, the eyes of all the men and women irresistibly followed the graceful lines of her neck and shoulders, though most of them were able to pull their eyes away a moment later. That was her mercy, rather than their strength; she was a strong enough huli jing to entrap a sect leader, and Nie Mingjue’s father had been no slouch, even if he had bad taste in bed partners. “It’s been ever so much fun.”
Nie Mingjue sighed. “Second mother,” he said. “I thought I asked you not to kill people? As a special birthday favor to me?”
“Oh, pork chop, I know! I haven’t forgotten - no killing people around you, I remember, I remember. I haven’t killed anyone...well, in connection with this, anyway. I just had a little chat with some of my underworld friends and brought the ones who’d already died back.”
Nie Mingjue’s eyes shot straight to a - by now - even more pale Jin Guangyao. “Uh,” he said. “By chance, second mother, did you happen to pass by Yunping...?”
“Such a sweet little tanghulu you are! I could pop you right into my mouth and never frown.” He was only a few steps away from her now, and she danced forward to pat him on the cheek. “Don’t worry! I know how much you care for your friends. I made sure not to send A-Shi anywhere those mean old cultivators could get her.”
“A-Yao! Oh, someone help me, I think he’s stopped breathing - come, sit down -”
“You really need to stop bringing back nu gui,” Nie Mingjue decided to say instead of dealing with...that. “They’re not getting past Jinlin Tower’s defenses anyway, and we’re worried about collateral damage.”
His second mother heaved a sigh. “I know, I know,” she said. “I had the same thought as you, meatball, about the defenses. You caught me just as I finished upgrading.”
Nie Mingjue didn’t like the sound of that.
“Of course, it isn’t working out right,” she added, pouting. “You’d think someone who got accused of being a demon so often wouldn’t be so picky about who he’s being asked to murder.”
“I already told you that I’m not a vicious ghost!” a surprisingly familiar voice retorted from inside the house. “I refuse to go around killing people!”
“Oh no - now Jiang Cheng’s fallen down, too! Wangji, could you - Wangji? Wangji!”
Nie Mingjue covered his face with his hand. “You brought back Wei Wuxian.”
“I brought back Wei Wuxian,” his second mother agreed. “I thought it’d be poetic justice - the wronged man come back for revenge. But he’s being persnickety about it, so I have half a mind to just let him go.”
“Good idea,” Nie Mingjue said, deciding to just - let it go. Someone else could deal with it. Possibly Lan Xichen, since it sounded like everyone else had fainted. “Anyway, you’re far too busy to pursue vengeance right now.”
“I am?”
“I know how much you like to throw parties. Don’t you want to help me plan Huaisang’s twenty fifth?”
“Oh!” She clapped her hands. “Absolutely! We can invite positively everyone that tried to get in your way and show off how good a job raising him you did!”
Nie Mingjue thought back over all the creatures he’d ever encountered.
“We’re going to need a bigger venue.”
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gentlemancrow · 3 years
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idk if you’re still taking requests so no pressure but maybe jmart 18 about jon’s scars? or,,, honestly however you wanna interpret that lol
Hehe bet you thought you weren't getting one. But of COURSE you're getting one! <3 HERE YOU GO!! Sorry it is late I am not a fast writer haha! This was a VERY interesting one to interpret and I got a little wonky and metaphysical there for a bit WHICH I LOVE and THE IDEA MIGHT HAVE BEEN A BIT LONG FOR A DRABBLE BUT! It's soft and I'm soft and I enjoyed this one SO SO MUCH ; w ; I hope you do too!!
Jon had Seen enough. Martin had decided that long ago. He had witnessed enough, been forced to witness enough, been the vessel into which literally everything had funneled into in an unrelenting typhoon of unspeakable, unfathomable horrific knowledge comprehensible only to him long enough that he damn well deserved the luxury of imperception. He had earned the right to not notice when Martin accidentally bought the wrong brand of chai, the one he insisted tasted like someone rubbed a stick of cinnamon on plasterboard and jammed it in a cardamom pod, but honestly tasted just like the one he preferred. The universe, whichever one they happened to be in now, owed him not realizing the buttons on his cardigan were one off until they were about to head out and Martin had to fix them, fingers humming with the warmth of him lingering in the cashmere every time. He deserved to forget his keys and then also have to go back to check that their flat door was locked twice, just to be sure. He deserved tossing cabbage in the trolley at the market, only to get home and realize it was a head of iceberg lettuce instead, and also he had completely forgotten the onion anyway so back he would have to go. Tiny and insignificant, patently human foibles that any normal person might tally up to a really rotten day overall and gripe about over a glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape he had won as gleaming, pyrrhic badges on the ruins of his humanity yanked back from the claws of the yawning, devouring dark matter of the cosmos and stitched painstakingly back together with love.
But mostly Jon deserved to not notice the way people looked at him.
He need not see the painted-on expressions of strangers that ran the gamut from quiet pity, to voyeuristic curiosity, to outright revulsion that Martin could not help but see everywhere they went. They had no idea. Not even the slightest inkling of what, exactly, had composed that magnum opus of horror and pain scarred resplendently on his flesh, his bones, his sinews and synapses. To even try know was to go mad, the mind looping through and around and between consciousness and logic and love and fear and philosophy and metacognition until it squeezed into an ouroboros black hole singularity of dense unknowing that collapsed in on itself and perished in cataclysm. They had merely gotten lucky that being extruded through the plumbings of creation seemed to straighten out their fibers enough to be woven back into the fabric of reality, but they were too kinked and snagged and gnarled to ever lay fully flat again. And that was why they stared.
The invasive beings of Jon and Martin had come to mutual terms with it long ago, but they also knew they would be forever incongruous with an innocent world, with a world where they did not belong and that collectively looked at them both like an ontological cancer, benign but festering and ugly. They would never know the thing that crouched behind the stars with pointed knees and elbows that even then, groped to find their new world in the lightless vast, and Jon deserved to not perceive any hints of that either. He deserved their quiet, their peace, their wordless human acceptance.
Jon deserved to be innocently chewing a periwinkle-painted thumbnail in front of the ice cream counter, just as he was that gossamer spring afternoon, turning woeful and forever mismatched brown and green eyes at his husband and asking if he should get mint chip or rum raisin before deciding, actually, could he have a sample of the salted caramel ribbon first? He pointed eagerly at the various frozen tubs behind the glass with his gnarled right hand, where the fingers never did quite open or close properly again, and missed in his wonderment at the veritable cornucopia of sweet delights available to him the mingled look of pity and horror on the cashier’s face as she doled out samples at his request. Martin lurked protectively behind, silent, sentinel, seeing it all, a hot brand of fury boring its way through his chest as he glared icy blue daggers at the clueless young woman, who only compounded her crimes by complimenting the permanent white forelock in his ginger curls as she took his order.
Martin snatched his double scoop of rocky road and pralines and cream out of her hand with a withering scowl and said nothing. Jon, frowning in the dread shadow of Martin’s hushed wrath and finally deciding on just the mint chip, took it upon himself to pay while the poor young woman skirted around both their gazes. They took their ice cream to enjoy in the balmy sun on the metal patio tables outside the shop under a cloud of unspoken insults and slander which Jon was more than happy to pop open the conversational umbrella beneath before the downpour.
“Something wrong?” he asked solicitously.
“Nope. I’m fine,” came the curt answer, suspiciously also lacking in eye contact as Martin stabbed his pink spoon into the rocky road.
Jon’s mismatched eyes narrowed shrewdly. There was one thing that never escaped his notice, even now, and that was the painfully obvious way Martin always broadcast his inner hurts and the physical language of his turmoil he had become fluent in over the years.
“Okay, yes you are probably fine. And I’m guessing it has nothing to do with you actually, because you’re angry and you rarely get angry on your own behalf, which means it’s probably something to do with me or some perceived slight. What happened in there? Did someone make a snide remark about my eccentric ice cream selection? The long skirt on a warm spring day? Oh, no, I’ve got it. It was probably the earrings, yes? I knew I should have gone with the feathers instead of hoops, matches the outfit much better.”
The corner of Martin’s mouth quirked up in a hapless, crooked smile as Jon coaxed a laugh out of him, and he looked up into his gaze adoringly to grant him unspoken conciliation.
“No, no not at all. Nothing like that. It’s nothing, love. It’s not a big deal. Just low blood sugar or something. Just eat your nasty mint chip or rum raisin or whatever that unholy concoction is,” Martin snorted, gesturing at his cup.
“Liar,” Jon crooned with loving reproachment, reaching out to thumb a little bit of rum raisin on the tip of Martin’s nose as punishment.
Even breathed with such unfettered, undying affection, Martin hated that word. He hated how transparent he still was to the man he loved, how much he still truly saw him, saw through him. At least all it took to compel him now was a little melted ice cream rubbed clean off his nose and a winsome smile with love-puddled green and brown eyes.
“Okay, okay… fine,” he admitted with a resigned smirk and a sigh, “I don’t like the way they look at you. Okay? That’s all.”
Jon’s brow knitted together curiously.
“Hmm? Who? What do you mean?” he asked.
“Everyone!” Martin finally effused in frustration, “Everywhere! They look at you like you’re… like you’re damaged goods! Like you’re some pitiful beaten animal on the street, or worse, like you’re some sort of- some sort of um…”
“…Monster?” supplied Jon, lips pursed and lids drooping.
“…I wasn’t going to say that,” Martin stammered.
“What other word is there?”
“Fine, they look at you like you’re a monster. They take one look at your face or your throat or your… your hand. And I can just see it on their faces. They look at you like you’re a monster, and I hate it. You don’t deserve that. You never did! They don’t even know you! They don’t know what happened to you…! And sorry, Jon, but I get angry about it because it’s not fair, and I can’t exactly go about lobbing right hooks into the faces of everyone who even looks at you cross-eyed, now can I? Much as I’d like to…"
Jon went quiet as he listened, dabbling first in the rum raisin, then indulging in a little mint chip chaser, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully as he nibbled on the plastic spoon.
“Is that what you see?”
The color rolled out from Martin’s freckled cheeks along with the very spirit from his eyes in a fog, his entire mien awash in pallor.
“What? How could you say that to me? I would NEVER think that about you, Jon! How could you ever think I would think that? I-I know I said some awful things in the past about your scars, but I-“
“No no! Martin, no! Of course not! I know you would never!” Jon cut in, reaching across the table to snatch his hand and squeeze it reassuringly, rubbing his knuckles and over his wedding ring, “You misunderstand! I was asking if that’s what you see in their eyes?”
Martin clung to Jon’s hand, heart palpitating and breath easing.
“Oh…” he blurted dumbly, flushing with lively hues of reds and golds once more, “I-? Of course I do, what else could it be?”
“I don’t see that. I don’t see that at all,” Jon answered simply, “It’s… hard to describe but, damaged goods, disgust, morbid curiosity, those are all… Hard things. They have sharp edges. And when people here look at me, I don’t feel anything hard or sharp, it feels… soft? It feels gentle.”
Shaking his head, Martin frowned.
“Gentle? How is openly gawking at someone’s scars in any way gentle?”
“It’s just a feeling I have. I suppose,” Jon mused, thumbing at his beard with his free hand as he constructed an analogy that would make sense in his mind, “Mmm… Think of it like this. Humans, life, we’re all very visually oriented creatures, right? We respond to visual cues in our environments that are universally understood. We wear these rings so that everyone knows we belong together, just the same as bright colors usually mean poison, or how specialized feathers, or horns, or dewlaps and the like let others know they’d be a good mate, or how some things look like eyes or like entirely different creatures to scare off predators, and so on.”
The creases in Martin’s forehead only deepened in confusion.
“Okay sure, but scars aren’t a natural adaptation? We don’t look at scars the same way we look at pretty eyes on a moth wing or something.”
“I know that, that’s not what I’m saying,” Jon reiterated tenderly, “What I’m saying is I’ve always felt like my scars are a visual cue, but one that says to others ‘treat me gently’, because clearly I haven’t been. And it’s… well it’s been quite nice. You were about to tear that poor girl’s head off, but didn’t you see how she not only gave me about six samples when the sign clearly said two per customer, but then she also gave me the rum raisin ‘by mistake’ and then conveniently forgot to charge for it?”
“Wh-did she?” Martin gasped in shock, rewinding the transaction to remember that indeed, Jon had only asked for mint chip, but there was clearly also a generous scoop of rum raisin in his cup, ”She did… No I… I guess I didn’t notice…”
Jon let Martin’s hand go to cup his cheek pointedly in his scarred palm, running his thumb over the soft curve of his cheek and the spray of his ruddy freckles comfortingly.
“You want to know what I think? I think what you perceive as disgust or aversion or even pity is just fear, like you had. Fear of pain, fear of disfigurement, of fallibility. People are always afraid of seeing what can become of their mortal bodies, but that has nothing to do with me, or being disgusted by me. People are, at their cores, good and gentle, Martin. I know they are, we both do. They see me, my cane, my limp, my hand, my gray hair, my face, and they don’t even ask, they just know, on some primal level, that life was not kind to me. And so in some tiny way, like free rum raisin, they almost always try to give something back to me.”
Jon had known. He had noticed. It had never escaped his perception as Martin had assumed. Jon had known all along, but it was only Martin who still saw daggers in the smiles of strangers while he had taken the last vestiges of his powers irrevocably branded on his body and soul and sowed something delicate and beautiful and blossoming in his new earth. Martin had made a weapon. Perhaps no less delicate and beautiful, but still cold and sharp and deadly. The razor white edge of the sun through frigid fog.
“I’m so sorry, Jon,” Martin choked, his throat pinching shut with the threat of tears, “I-I had no idea…. I-I only thought…”
“It’s alright, please don’t cry, darling, you have nothing to be sorry for. I understand. You only thought you were protecting me. I protected you for so long, when you were desperate to do the same for me, to save me, but had no power to do either. Now you’ve got your turn to do the protecting in earnest, and honestly, it’s a… can I- can I say hot? Can I say it’s a hot look on you? Or is that weird?” Jon asked, tips of his ears blushing coyly.
Martin managed a laugh as he sniffed back the tears and thumbed both sets of lashes dry under his spectacles.
“It’s a little weird for you, in particular, to say it, just because it’s you. But I’ll take it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Perhaps then, Martin thought as Jon leaned over their whimsical little metal table outside an ice cream parlor by a park with a striped canopy above them and birds singing and kissed his tears away and then kissed his lips into a smile, that sharp things needn’t always be weapons. Perhaps his sword was, in reality, a spade, or a hoe, something to tend and nurture the new and fragile happiness Jon had tilled. Gentle things deserved gentle protection, and he was still going to devote every iota of his being to protecting Jon until the end of their days. After all, as they finally got to enjoy their slightly melted ice cream, Jon still dribbled a bit of rum raisin down his beard and carried on none the wiser. Martin let him go on like that, blissfully unaware, talking about Polyphemus moths and the myth of the cyclops and something about someone going about as Nobody, until he finally reached out with a napkin to attentively wipe it away.
Other than a gracefully paced ‘oh, thank you dear,’ Jon never missed a beat.
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toussainttwins · 2 years
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@douloir, continued from x "My horned sisters act like ravenous fiends sometimes, but we rarely approve of battles," contradicts the horned coquette hotly. "It is a prejudice, a most foul prejudice, that succubi admire violence! Our bretheren chorts could be deaf to the sweet pleads and voices of reason. Sometimes we simply had to put our horns forward to stop to their blinding hunger. The only succubus I know who battled a chort out of her own desire, did so for love, if you wish to know! The poor petite chevre gobbled up the half the barn, the cabbage in it, the hay, the nasty salted pork and ... wanted to eat her sangbonbon next! For it was a hollow, harsh winter," at the end of the story the petite succubus has her eyes glittering with tears. "Ah, it is so very romantic!" "Verily, how could you think, dear Gloomyfangs, that I would willingly put such lovely, beauteous horns at risk!" Nistana turns her curly head slowly, left and right, allowing Dettlaff - as blind as he might be to her charms presently, judging from the crust of his emotions - to admire every inch of the unglamored, twisted horns. They are polished to rival the pearls that tastefully adorn them. "I would gladly settle for other things too, but I must beg for your help first," Nistana's coy smile is swept away as quickly as the clouds on a windy day and gives way to the most genuine, if not heartbreaking, concern. "You have your own pack, and understand the wonts and needs of our lesser kin as no one does! My Muffinchops told me many a story," she adds with a sly nonchalance. "Oh, you will know how to banish my heinous woe! Only you can save my poor heart from turning dry and dark, for I am at my wits - and horns! - end!" the hoof is stomped angrily. If not to say beastly. Such the unusual display of uncultured force must be there to underline, just how terrible, beyond the very speech, "the woe" is. "What would you do if your paramour's steed was the most stubborn horse that ever walked under the moon! I am not in love with him, of course, so I'd yearn to be in his good graces. But he makes our affair a living torture. Once he tried to chew the part of the tent that gave me and my beloved a quite moment of respite! Imagine the reckless cruelty of such an endeavor! And it is but the smallest crime in a winding parchment of his evil deeds!"
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foreficfandom · 4 years
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The Arcana - Cooking For MC (Headcanons)
-- Asra -- 
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Life as a street orphan makes cooks of us all. If he wasn’t a child desperately stealing fruit, he was a teenage magician earning coppers to buy scraps from the butcher and bartering for old, bruised squash. He quickly had to learn how to stretch his meager rations as far as he could, and cooking was the way to do it.
He’s come a long way from the one single pot he and Muriel would squat over while hiding away in the docks. Now, he and you happily enjoy a consistent diet of fresh groceries, sometimes he cooks and sometimes you do. 
All his cookery he learned in Vesuvia - pasta, lentils, chickpeas, tomatoes, cumin, basil, ocean seafood. The both of you don’t quite earn enough to splurge on the good cuts of beef, but you never have to worry about going hungry. 
And you don’t have to worry about bland, burnt food, either. Asra can reliably hold his own in the kitchen. He doesn’t exactly follow recipes, just tosses together stuff according to what feels right in his heart. A holdover from the days where he had to improvise all his food. 
There’s more holdovers; he hates tossing away uneaten food, or groceries that have gone bad. He’ll keep the chicken bones to make into a broth for tomorrow. He never peel potatoes or fruit ‘cause the skins contain valuable nutrients. He cringes at people who throw away the heads of fish. The leftover fat in the pan is made into gravy, or pastry frosting, or soap. Occasionally, he and you give away your leftovers to the urchins that hang around the neighborhood. 
When it’s his turn to cook, expect traditional Vesuvian cuisine like flatbreads, hummus, and vegetable soup. Herbs used in the shop are sometimes thrown into the dish, like thyme or myrtle leaves. Asra’s cooking regularly gets to grace your stomach, and it’s very lovely and nice uwu
-- Julian -- 
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Everybody who knows Julian holds vehemently that he can’t cook worth a damn. He’s not gonna poison you, but it’s true that he can’t do more than toss various things into a pot and pray that it comes out edible. 
So when he’s forced to cook, everything ends up tasting like the same sort of bland, unspiced mush. And it’s almost always boiled, never roasted or fried. He just seems incapable of not burning anything, so he avoids pancooking ingredients if he can avoid it. And even his soups tend to have burnt residue at the bottom.
Not only that, but traditional Nevevion cuisine ... can be an acquired taste in itself. Like pickled herring covered with beet mayonnaise, cold aspic on toast, and really, really salty fish roe. He grew up eating actually good food cooked by his adopted family, but it’s unfortunately easy to turn a cabbage and potato recipe into nasty gross mush, especially under Julian’s hands. 
He knows he’s shit at cooking, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. Ready-made takeout isn’t always available in their world, so if someone needs to eat, they usually gotta cook. Cue boiled chicken and carrots a-la Julian. At least he added some salt, this time. He blames his Nevevion heritage for lacking an affinity for spices.
With shitty cooking skills come an ability to eat anything. Julian doesn’t turn down a dish if he’s hungry, even if it’s some bullshit. Except for spicy stuff - it’s like the only pain he doesn’t get off on. Just a little jalapeno in his rice will turn his entire face red and give him hiccups.
So say you don’t have time to cook dinner for the both of them tonight, he’d much rather the two of you go eat at an inn than force your divine tongue to be sullied by his dreadful meals. However, he can be taught to cook if you two can find the time, and will eventually get the hang of it. You and Julian in the kitchen, warm and cozy, teaching him how to make a good macaroni? Now that’s an afternoon date in the making.
-- Nadia -- 
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Growing up royal meant Nadia never had to cook for herself. To some, it’d be very improper for someone of Nadia’s standing to ever cook, especially in the same kitchen as the servants. But in-between her piano lessons and fencing training and literacy/history/mathematic/public speaking tutoring, she also devoted some personal time in reading up on skills she wouldn’t have been taught - like gardening, jewelry craft, and also cooking and baking.
She had this stint of candy-making when she was a teen, after seeing sugarspun candies in the market that were shaped into different, multi-colored animals and flowers. She would sneak into the kitchen and, with the help of particular cook friend, make candied nuts, meringues, taffies, marzipan. And with the skills she learned making candies, she also learned how to bake and cook various things.
Rarely did she ever get to exercise her cooking skills beyond a mere pastime. She had no one to cook for, nor enough spare time. So very few people knew she bakes a mean butter cashew cake.
One day, she just kinda absentmindedly mentions that she knows how to cook a few things, so you insist she show you, which kinda takes her off-guard and she’s a little nervous, because it’s been a long time since she busted out the ol’ apron, and what if you don’t like what she makes??
She goes to the kitchens and almost bails out, even briefly entertains the thought of passing off the chef’s cooking for her own, but chases that thought from her mind. The palace servants gets to witness the Countess roll up her sleeves with a determined grunt and go ham on some pistachios. 
You wait patiently in the solar (as she instructed), and Nadia brings up a beautiful tray of brightly colored nut-flour sweets with tea. Nadia herself is a little worse for wear, with a dusty face and tangled hair. But she’s thrilled to see you enjoy her cakes. They taste wonderful, doubly so because of the love she put into them.        
-- Muriel -- 
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He almost always cooks for himself, ever since his street urchin childhood, and his skills have only improved while living in the woods. He’s no longer scraping mussels off of dock beams to boil in a thin cauldron, he’s hunting 8-feet-tall elk and using every inch of the animal, from boiling the hooves for aspic, to making sausages out of the intestines (the antlers are powdered for their magical properties).
It’s rarer that he ever wants for something he can’t produce himself. He boils his own sea salt, curdles his own cheese, presses his own oil. The problem is that he doesn’t make an effort to make delicious-tasting food. Unlike Julian, who cooks like shit but still enjoys the finer things in life, Muriel has access to super fresh and good-quality ingredients but is ruled by his practicality.
Living in the woods is tough. If the harvest was bad and all Muriel has is last autumn’s rice harvest, then its porridge for the next month. There’s nothing for it; hunting is unreliable even in an expert’s hands, fishing only a tad less so, and a simple wet season or early frost can ruin a garden quicker than a plague. 
Muriel may have said he didn’t need your help around the hut, but your help truly did make a difference when it came to food security. An extra set of hands made for less time and lighter work. Your influence also shined through his cooking; now, he actually does care if something tastes good, because you were eating it with him. Muriel could survive just fine on perpetual pottages, but you deserved better.
Hence, roasts that are actually seasoned, bread with jam and butter, and salt not just for preserving purposes. 
Cooking stopped becoming just a means, but a creative outlet for Muriel. He wanted to treat you, and in turn it became something special for himself, too. 
-- Portia --
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The Devorak siblings have one collective braincell, and Portia’s got dibs on it. So she’s got the cooking skills that seemed to have eluded Julian, and she’s very good; the best out of the six. 
As a hand-maiden, cooking isn’t part of her duties, but to even get hired she had to prove she could hold her own in the kitchen on par with royal cuisine. It’s beyond simply being able to replicate a recipe, she knows how to carve game into the right cuts, memorize the seasonal harvests, estimate temperatures by touch, and other complicated kitchen sciences. 
Portia spent her life traveling on ships, so she’s witness many a worldly cuisine and it’s influenced her skills. Nothing impresses a table more than introducing some ‘exotic’ spice and using it right. Her own personal favorites are from all corners of the land. Her dinner spread can consist of Hjalle shrimp pancakes, Galbradian green bean broth, Prakran flatbread, and lamb roasted in an underground oven like they do in Firent.  
Once she has the opportunity to cook (or bake) for you, be prepared for a storm. You’re never gonna have to want for good cuisine again, not if Portia has anything to say about it. Even the little things she makes, like her strawberry jam or workhouse-style bread, taste great. You ask her why she doesn’t pursue a career in cuisine, and she replies that cooking is an outlet for her, not a job. Plus, she’s far from a ‘truly skilled cook’, according to her. That honor’d go to Mazelinka. 
A lot of her budget she’ll happily relinquish to cooking, such as imported spices or the expensive cuts of game. She knows that the smallest difference in quality - such as in the salt, or vinegar, used - can make or break a dish. Her kitchen is always fully stocked with groceries and ingredients. One of her big splurges was investing in an icebox, and before she had you, a magician, in the picture, she was indeed buying ice to keep her meats fresh.
Whether its a wrapped lunch or weekend roast dinner, Portia will always want to spoil you in the best way she knows how; through your stomach. Your waistline might be less happy, but like heck Portia’d take pudge as a negative.
-- Lucio --
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He’s been Count for over two decades, but before that he was a rough-and-tumble mercenary. And before that, he grew up in the infamous Scourge Lands, where etching out a living was always a matter that teetered on the brink of a knife.
He had to learn how to live tough. The Scourge Lands are no lush forest like Muriel’s backyard, it’s a flat tundra with limited vegetation and even lesser animals that aren’t more likely to kill you before you kill them. The entire clan’s been living off of bitter turnips for weeks, but finally a family of boars are scouted. Now you just have to take down a bear-sized boar while circling around five others who all want to gore you. 
Even cooking can be a struggle. Life as a mercenary meant trying to strike fires on cold, damp wood in a freezing drizzle, and keeping it lit long enough to roast the skinny fish you managed to spear. It meant knowing which plants were edible and which caused three nights of stomach pains, and also being willing to resort to digging up grubs when you’re really on the brink of starvation.
So does he know how to cook? Yeah, he can roast meat over a fire and know when its safe from pathogens, but other than that he’s lost. He was so happy to finally have cooks and servants to serve him entire banquets. Never did he learn (nor want to learn) how to bake bread, or fry potatoes, nevermind suckling pig or creme brulee. 
If come a time where you and Lucio are away from the precious palace kitchens, he’ll rely on his wallet to buy the two of you a nice meal. If the two of you are lost in the wilderness, don’t worry, Lucio to the rescue and you can trust him to forage something, and grill it on a hot rock. No salt, though. Not even water to wash it down, if you’re really unlucky.
Still, it’s kinda a surprise to eat Lucio’s emergency field cooking, because it’s not awful. The best anyone can do in the circumstance, even. Make sure to tell him that, he’s always fishing for compliments. 
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aforrestofstuff · 4 years
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What's the heroes' morning routine to start their day before going to work? Or their night routine before they're going to sleep? (And here is sprinkle of positivity vibes for you today: 😊😉👌💕💞💗💓💝💝💖💖🌟✨🍀🍀🍀🍀💐💐 Have a nice day! ❤)
Thanks for the request, anon! ❤️❤️ sorry this took me so long to get to, hope you’re still around!
Tornado of Terror: I’ve said in a previous hc that she sleep-levitates and wakes up in the weirdest places. So, she’d probably spend 10 straight minutes prying herself out of her bathtub or some shit with hella cramps. After that, she’d spam Fubuki over text message, asking her how to make a cup of coffee for the 57th time, then manage to burn it anyway, and finally go to work salty as fuck.
Silverfang: Wakes up at the crack of dawn, mediates next to a waterfall or some shit, broods over Garou, and makes himself a nice breakfast with a cup of tea. After that, he drags Charanko’s ass up the mountain to do some training, meditate some more, drink more tea, and around then it’s gonna be like 9 AM, so he’d probably just go the fuck back to sleep for a quick nap before actually going to work. Look, he’s old. Let him vibe.
Atomic Samurai: Also wakes the fuck up at the crack of dawn and proceeds to freeload a breakfast off of Iaian, wash it down with some alcohol at 6 in the AM, and complain about the weather. Then, he’d probably run over some sorta training routine with his disciples before doing group meditation and finally, finish it off with another drink. His tolerance is so damn high at this point. He shows up to work while pretending he wasn’t ten seconds away from getting wasted that morning.
Child Emperor: Wakes up rather early (if he even slept at all), runs diagnostics on all of his machinery, does tests on his latest weapons, takes 7 decontamination showers, and then makes himself a hearty breakfast consisting of Froot Loops and choccy milk. He shows up to work early and energized, running solely on his 87th lollipop and the single shot of espresso he had that morning. If it’s a weekday, he’d wait off on going to Association headquarters and teach a few classes at the local university instead. He’d then go to work in the middle of the day, grading papers and dying internally at the dumb shit his students say. He keeps a mental tally of how many people forget to write their names on their assignments. He’s suffering.
Metal Knight: Upon slapping the shit out of his alarm clock, he rolls out of bed and commands one of his bitchbots to make a Michelin-Star quality breakfast for him, then proceeds to stalk to the bathroom. He doesn’t shave or shower. He just takes a 45-minute shit because he’s forced himself to go to the bathroom once a day to “save time” when it, in fact, does not save time. After that, he takes a decontamination shower before entering his lab (also another 45 minutes because he’d spend the whole time je— nevermind) and doesn’t show up to work at all because he’s a little bitchboy hellbent on building Skynet in his mom’s basement.
King: Wakes up, cries, plays video games, cries some more, eats some cereal, takes a shower, cries, calls Saitama over, plays video games, Saitama leaves, cries. Then, he’ll show up to work for a single meeting at 4 PM just so everyone knows he isn’t dead, have an anxiety attack, go home, and then cry (while having another anxiety attack). After that, he’ll play video games until 3 AM. Rinse and repeat.
Zombieman: He’ll wake up at 3 AM and then sarcastically open his blinds like “oh wow, what a beautiful morning”. He’ll make himself a hearty breakfast consisting of leftovers, some protein pills, and half a pack of cigarettes. Next, he’ll shower, shave, and do some routine vigilante detective work out in the town before coming back home just as the sun is beginning to rise. After that, he’ll take a thirty second nap and walk his ass to work (because his car has been in the shop for like, seven years) so he can vibe for 3 hours before throwing in the towel and isolating himself for the remainder 18 hours of the day because depression.
Drive Knight: he sleeps plugged into the wall like a Samsung. Either that, or he’s solar-powered.... or maybe he runs on AAAs. I don’t know, but his ass ain’t waking up like everyone else. He’d power on, do some routine checkups on his laboratory or whatever the fuck he’s got going on, and then show up to work for 3 seconds only to dip the fuck back out and go poach some endangered monster species for his collection or some shit. Look, he’s a robot.
Pig God: wakes up at 10 AM like a king and eats a small breakfast consisting of three rotisserie chickens, a whole pot of rice, 57 eggs, and a cool glass of milk (because calcium is important, kids). He’d spend 4 hours on the internet before he gets hungry and decides to go outside, stopping to casually devour an entire species of demon-threat monsters in the middle of the street while simultaneously traumatizing every single child living in a 3-mile radius in the process of doing so. After that, he’d do some hero work for like 30 minutes (and somehow eat like, 200 living things in that timeframe), go back home, and then indulge himself in a 17-hour food coma. He’s earned it.
Superalloy Darkshine: Homie wakes up at 5 AM, works out for two hours, takes a shower, and eats a breakfast big enough to feed a small family of 19. After terrorizing every health expert in the country with his buckwild diet (ironic considering Pig God exists), he hits up his bro Tanktop Master for another 2-hour workout. He then proceeds to take 3 seconds getting dressed in his hero uniform because it’s literally just a thong, and goes to work for a full 8 hours because he’s a good boi who takes his job seriously and genuinely wants to make the world a better place. :)
Watchdog Man: wakes up, pisses on a fire hydrant, eats dog kibble, sits on his pedestal in city Q, and then gets dressed.
Flashy Flash: wakes up in a forest somewhere because he’s probably homeless. The local birds flock around him and sing a morning song. He feeds a baby deer like a Disney princess. Then, he bathes in a waterfall and spends two hours doing his hair. After that, he buys himself a fucking bagel and takes his ass to work smelling like the inside of a Cabella’s. He vibes at HQ for like, 30 minutes, before traveling 500 miles away on his 57th quest for revenge and ends up breaking a record for “most homicides committed by a hero” on the way there.
Genos: wakes up, makes breakfast for Saitama, takes a shower, and spends half an hour doing chores while Saitama bums around with a yolk stain on his pajamas. Then, he’d hit up the professor for any news about upgrades, and go on about his day handing out justice as he sees fit until Saitama suddenly gets the urge to go buy some cabbage. It’ll be another 2 hours of walking around the inside of a grocery store while holding 2 grams of food (because it’s all Saitama could afford, broke ass) before he actually goes to hero HQ for a single meeting (while Saitama tags along), and then slaughter 87 monsters on his way home.
Metal Bat: wakes up at 6 AM because it takes him 8 years to do his hair. He’d wake up Zenko about an hour later and tell her to get ready for school while he hauls ass downstairs to make breakfast (burnt toast and 8 Flinstone vitamins). They walk to Zenko’s school together. He takes ten minutes to shower her with love, and then he turns back around to walk to his own school only to show up like, 45-minutes late to his first class. He only attends hero meetings on weekends because A. Homework and B. He doesn’t give enough of a shit to juggle official hero business and school in the same day (unless it consists of a monster/criminal [or 12] in need of a beating).
Tanktop Master: same as Superalloy. He wakes up at dawn, works out, eats enough to feed a small army, and then calls his actual army over for a meeting. He and the gang discuss ways to better represent the Tanktop ideology over tea, while also sharing workout tips and just having a good time together in general. Around then it’ll probably be 8 or 9 AM, so he’d join Superalloy at Hero HQ and do hero work for the rest of the day alongside his homies. He’s living the life, honestly.
Puri-Puri Prisoner: he’s in prison so he’d wake up at 8 AM on the clock every day, eat his nasty-ass breakfast (although, I’ve said in a previous headcanon that he gets special meals prepared for him on account of being a literal superhero, but I digress), and then he works out in the courtyard for a good hour before going to work in the cafeteria for 3 bucks a day (or the yen equivalent). During visiting hours, he and his boyfriend are inseparable. They’d make some crafts together, gossip, and just hang out. If there’s a threat in the area, Puri will waste no time busting himself out and hugging that shit to death. A true icon.
Amai Mask: he either wakes up at 10 AM or 2 PM every day, there’s no in-between. He’d spend his morning doing every self-care routine under the sun: taking a warm bath, doing a face mask, eating a good breakfast (prepared by his own personal chef, of course), listening to an audio book, you name it. If he has a concert that night, he’d spend the entire day surrounded by people as he gets ready/rehearses/prepares. If not, he’ll just patrol the streets, handing out autographs and some slices of justice. He wouldn’t really show up to any meetings or do official hero business at HQ unless he’s in the mood to cuss out Sekingar and Sitch over some stupid shit or insert himself in S-Class business.
Iaian: wakes up earlier than any of the other disciples and Atomic Samurai because he’s like, responsible or whatever. He meditates, showers, does his own personal routine, and then kicks everyone out of bed for breakfast like an angry suburban mom. After that, he’d participate in everyone’s routine training, and then take his ass to work while showing up to every meeting at HQ (sometimes tagging along with Kami) because he’s a good boi and he has no problem engaging in business. :)
Okamaitachi: She sometimes wakes up with Iaian, but sleeps in most of the time because she needs her beauty rest, obviously. After breakfast and participating in everyone’s training routine, she’d do her hair/makeup and go do her own hero work the majority of the time. She’d sometimes tag along with Iaian, but she prefers to go on her own every so often. If she has some extra time before breakfast, she’ll also do a face mask or catch up on her favorite soap operas.
Bushidrill: this motherfucker sleeps like a log and Iaian wants to kill him for it. He wakes up like, 2 seconds before breakfast and hasn’t shaven in a month. Still, somehow, he manages to get ready in time for training without Kami trying to assault him for being a doofus.
Fubuki: She wakes up hella early and texts her herd of hooligans the daily plan before dealing with Tatsumaki’s shit over the phone. Then, she showers, does her hair, and takes fifteen minutes to get her makeup done right. It doesn’t take her long to plan out her outfit because she has like, 87 black dresses. After an actual hearty breakfast (unlike the rest of these clowns) that she makes herself, she meets up with the blizzard group to discuss business and engage in hero work together as a ✨team✨. She never gets asked to participate in official business by HQ because Tatsumaki strictly forbids it.
Saitama: he brushes his hair and sits on his ass all day.
Mumen Rider: wakes up at dawn, feeds the cats outside, eats a good-ass breakfast (despite being poor, because he’s actually really good at budgeting), and goes out for a nice, morning patrol. He’ll also call his mom and make sure she’s having a good time because that’s important. If it’s not a busy day, he’ll go to the gym and treat himself to some time at the park afterwards. If there’s monsters all about, he’ll spend the rest of the day in the hospital after getting his shit rocked for the 300th time that week. They’ve basically got a bed reserved for him at this point. He’s so pure but so, so selfless. And a little dumb. But mostly selfless.
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obscureoperations · 3 years
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Phew
Im so sorry I just had bad brain day so now maybe I can give some autistic Martin headcanons?
It's just that the moment I saw him first i was like "yuh, thats me, that guy is autistic" and i realised i could project onto him xd
Also these aren't really fleshed out yet just sketches xd
So
Do you remember how many trinkets he has in his room? The red toy thing, and that plush (I think?) doggie... This boy is a sucker for fidget toys and textures, I think for mostly soft ones
He also doesn't like various textures of food, like with the stuffed cabbage (might just be flavor but trust me i know that everything about it is NASTY, the way it touches and grinds on my teeth makes me wanna throw up)
Also the way he ate that bread (btw what was on that bread? hungarian brain said cottage cheese but eugh that's only good when it's sweet xd). Cuda even points out how he eats. That can also be some kind of routine? Idk how to say it, or a trait (there are many people who only eat foods in a certain way)
And I don't think I'll have to mention how he is w other people... His shyness dude... Precious boy... Murder boy but precious...
But yeah that can also be a trait bc come on xd
I havent thought about other things yet, mostly bc im still discovering myself and bc it's a big ass spectrum
But maybe some more might come to my mind later! And share them if it's okay
You’re right about most of these honestly... I’ve never grouped all of these traits together. Sweet boy... I’ love him. You’re definitely right about the spinner toys.
Oh the breakfast scene...lmao. I was also trying to figure out what he was spreading on that bread. My initial thought was a fuck ton of butter (gross)  That sorta explained Cuda’s disgust. But It sorta looked like mashed potato... or cottage cheese like you said.  The way he bit into it was adorable imo.
His shyness is so emphasized in the film, more so than it ever was it the book.  I love it! Book Martin is just plain feral and unpredictable...but he still holds a certain charm I guess lmao
Id love to hear more of these whenever you get the chance!
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I’m really intrigued by Rayla’s moonshadow assassin peers. I especially am interested in Andromeda because I think she is the only other girl in the group? Do you have any headcanons in how these teen/young adult assassins interacted? Do you think Rayla isolated herself from them because she was always iffy about taking a life? Also TDP finally colored their map and I know you live maps, find any new cool stuff? I especially love how there’s a frozen sea north and a spinning sea south, imagine the powerful Magic’s that channeled to make them.
Okay, so I jumped straight to the map, did 80% of it, and wandered away for a few weeks. I apologize, anon. Let’s get this going again:
I’ve got a few headcanons on the Moonshadow assassins! It seems likely that they hang out mostly with each other, when they hang out, to reinforce their teambuilding and to give them some socialization, since assassins tend to keep others at arm’s length. So I kinda figure they tend to roam as a pack on their evenings out in the village, if they’re not married to a non-assassin like Runaan is.
I think that could be part of the reason that Rayla might not have hung out with the others as much, too: Runaan wanted to be either training or at home with Ethari, so Rayla probably spent a lot of time doing those things just because he did them. And when Runaan was doing more serious training or missions, that’s when Rayla had her free time to run around the forest and make adoraburr friends. 
Runaan could’ve probably insisted that she do something more assassiny with her free time. Shadow an assassin, do more studying, practice certain prescribed skills on her own. But he didn’t. He let her play. Soft assassin is soft!
Listen, anon, I have a fun headcanon for you about Andromeda--and by fun, I mean it’s really angsty half a second after you start thinking about it. Ready? 
What if: Andromeda is Runaan’s half-sister. If they’re both Lujanne’s children by different assassin dads who kept dying in battle, but a Moon mage needs an assassin leader partner to defend Xadia with, and Lujanne knew her son Runaan wasn’t old enough to lead yet, so she burned through three or more husbands protecting him until Runaan was well trained enough to lead the assassins himself and had fallen in love with a mage who adored him and would be his partner in her place.
 Andromeda looks a fair bit like Lujanne, too:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Along with Runaan, they all have long hair, side tails bound in silver cuffs, and some form of braids. Andromeda’s hair is sectioned in front similarly to Runaan’s. Her accent sounds more British than Scottish, though she only has the one line: My eyes for truth. And Lujanne and Andromeda are the only two Moonshadow elves we’ve met who have medium blue horns, while Runaan’s are dark blue. Almost everyone else’s horns have purple or pink as their base color.
But then, see, Andromeda went on Runaan’s mission, and she died. Her spirit was the most aggressive in TTM, usually closest to Rayla with her sword out, as if she hated Rayla the most. If she had a vested family interest in Runaan’s mission succeeding, and then it went pear-shaped because of Rayla, that would make sense.
No matter if she’s related to Runaan or not, she’s wearing horn cuffs, so she was in a dedicated relationship of some kind, and that’s so sad. Someone’s missing her the way Ethari’s missing Runaan. :’((((
Anyway, it’s just a headcanon, but since you asked, there ya go.
Okay, on to my thoughts on the map, of which I have a normal and healthy amount:
The Map Border: 
Everyone doodles in the borders. I love to see what they put there.
Starting in the upper left and going counter-clockwise, the five human crowns are cool
Cornucopia swirls center left look like an homage to Cabbage Man from ATLA
Bait is staring at Evenere. his home? Or maybe he just wants to eat the dragonfly on its logo
Human defender has a beard. Hairagorn. He's very heavily armored but has no helmet. Long hair is braided to rest on front of shoulder, like the blond elf in the painting at the Moon Nexus. Old timey hairstyle?
He’s defending Katolis Castle specifically. I wonder if the little white building is kinda random or if it’s supposed to represent the Banther Lodge. Nah, I have a better guess: that’s where Viren grew up
The crack in the map looks meta. It's been repaired somewhat. Makes me wonder if it's an in-world map, whose, who ripped it, and who fixed it. Sir Phineas Kurst seems like the kind of guy to almost shred his really cool map
The star behind Zym's egg has seven points
The two ships on the southern waters are western and eastern respectively. Tidebound elves from Singapore? Jack Sparrow would be proud
There is land just south of the Dragontail, wonder what’s there?
The leaves around the human figure are small and numerous while the Moonshadow elf has fewer but bigger leaves
The elf is standing in the way of one of the six leaves growing out of the rune rose and that leaf's curly tip seems to have been replaced with a curl of the elf's very long hair
The human pose is more offense and the elf pose is more defense. But the elf has two swords, and one has some wicked hooks in it.
Elf has 4 fingers instead of 3 so whether it’s in-universe or meta, they were drawn by a human :DDD
The elf's braid winds around their horn and I think that's clever
High collar shirt under protective layer, bracers and elbow gloves, bare biceps, complex shoulder getup, ornate hair that's butt long and partly braided, two long slightly curving swords... horn cuffs too. This is a Moonshadow assassin in the same gear Runaan's got, poised to defend the Xadian half of the map as the human is poised to defend his side
The rune rose isn't a compass. It has a two sided pointer and six primal runes. Just decorative I guess. ;)
More lettuces on right center.
Maybe a portaling caterpillar on the center knot? Little bug pal, I see you
“The Five Human Kingdoms” lettered in red, “Xadia” in blue. Giving me Stratego flashbacks. Even the flowers on their banners are color coded
Banners in the corners are similar but Xadia has more fluttery tips
Thunder drawn all attacky top center, does he have anything to do with the Frozen Sea being frozen?
Compass rose under Thunder’s wing
Dick island near the compass. Well, Duren is the breadbasket of the human lands. A most excellent cartography joke! 10/10 would chortle wholesomely again
The Human Kingdoms:
Neolandia
Capital Eboreus seems to be a lake city below a mountain and I'm here for all the Lake Town refs. 
It's also the eye of the elephant shape
Not a lot of trees, mostly grasses or desert. Only borders Duren across a couple rivers/estuaries/sea channels
Heart shaped island next to elephant trunk
Land generally broken into several sections by sea/rivers 
If it’s rivers, they seem to generate from the capital’s lake and flow in several directions. And they say there’s no magic left in the western lands! ;)
But if there was exactly one source of freshwater in a desert land, it makes sense that you’d find a way, magical or mechanical, to spread that lifegiving water in as many directions as possible so your people can thrive so kudos to Neolandia’s ancestors/Tidebound elves/whoever managed that, it’s brilliant
I can and will make up explanations for anything on a map. I adore worldbuilding
Del Bar
Two named locations. Since Del Bar’s national symbol is a serpent, I guess Serpentongue is the capital.
Hinterpeak is a sweet name. Looks like Helm's Deep with that retaining wall. What’s it for? Are there dwarves in this land? Is it an Earthblood stronghold? Maybe it’s like the Mines of Moria, and the Earthbloods were chased out and/or killed inside and now it’s full of nasty orcses but someone left a MacGuffin down there so *nudges hero* Off you pop.
Nice forests around the southern mountain range but northern DB is more arid or grassy lands like Neolandia. 
Considering that crops grow well in Duren, which is farther north, I assume there is a massive meteorological gyre over the human lands, with a southern wind blowing down over the western realms and keeping them icy until the mountains of Hinterpeak block and divert them, protecting Evenere. The winds don't blow eastward without warming right up-- and causing thunderstorms in Katolis how about that-- because there is a warmer side to the gyre over Katolis and Duren, blowing tropical warmth and moisture north and providing rain for trees and crops alike. Most years, anyway.
How does the weather fail in Duren for seven years in a row, anyway? That seems like a Thunder issue. Unless it’s a Sunforge issue, which I’ll get to below.
Ahem.
Borders Neolandia, Duren, and Katolis across rivers, but most border is coastline.
Serpentongue probably got its name from the two river heads around it
Cluster of dead little cracks spawns a single river. Looks like someone cracked the tub and it drained away. I wonder how much of this landscape has been affected by the Mage Wars. Big watery basins have flooded and other spots seem dead. The lands may or may not actually touch depending on how deep some of these waterways are
Evenere
Looks like someone punched holes in the land with a giant pencil to make it a separate island. Broken outline with scattered islands
That Pawprint Isles has only four toes
Moon-shaped island is very crescenty indeed
Are these isles home to refugees or outcasts from Xadia? Listen, I want pirates and that sea looks pretty Caribbean to me
No capital city, hmmm what's that about? Is it underground, does it move? Maybe Fareeda’s capital is on the back of a world turtle and she’s constantly on tour around the island?
That arm of land ending in a peace sign, please can we get surfers
The hills emanating from that claw shaped headland look like something is sleeping under the island, hello yes I am here for giant immortal creatures please
Katolis
its capital is also called Katolis, the only human realm to use the same name twice
Weeping Bay could be a ref to the tears the humans shed after they reached the west. Or the Moonshadow elves as they left their forest for the east. Or both. Both, in this case, is bad but balanced
Boomerang island next to the Dragontail
The river the Dragaang rode on was going uphill
The watery slash in the land between Katolis and Del Bar is awfully straight. So is the one between Del Bar and Neolandia. I call magical warfare.
Katolis has a bunch of mountains in the east, part of an old natural border before the lava one appeared
Mt Kalik is probably volcanic. It's a standalone mountain and it's really tall. Rex Ignius maybe? Oh, probably not, I think I see him peeking on the other side of the map
The trees of Duren and Katolis are different then the western lands. Softer green, deciduous. And the land itself is yellower, warmer in tone
Forests centered on Mt Kalik
The Moon Nexus looks like an eye on a dragon head near the Dragontail, and Evenere looks like a severed wing (Yes I am still wondering where Luna Tenebris went, why do you ask)
Weeping Bay looks like the most natural body of water in the western lands
Three red little trees scattered around the Katolis map. Fruit trees? How very Moonshadow.
Duren
The only land border among all the human kingdoms is between Duren and Katolis. Maybe it used to be further south along the river?
Capital is Berylgarten, set on a lake. Beryl is a stone that’s usually green, blue, or yellow in color, very gardeny
Second smallest realm but the breadbasket of the human lands. Has several little forests and great tilled fields
Being a farmer in Duren is probably as awesome as being an assassin in the Moonshadow Forest; you do what you do for all your friendly kingdoms
Northernmost land is cold and craggy, named Skall's Hook along the sea
Third ship in the Frozen Sea is icebound and crushed. Looks western, indicating no possible passage
Lots of colored trees and shrubs as if fruitbearing, I keep comparing Duren to the Yakima Valley in Washington State
Where the lava reaches the Frozen Sea, it melts the ice next to Duren's mountains
Northern Xadia:
Lux Aurea
Most of the center lands of this map has warm tones for its ground. Maybe that’s because of the long reach of the warmth and light of Lux Aurea’s Sun Nexus, and only the lands that are just too far from it are truly cold and icy. It would explain why Duren is a breadbasket realm so far north--it’s just across the border from Lux Aurea.
If there’s anything to that, then I suddenly worry for the fate of all the human lands now that the Sunforge has gone dark. It’s early summer now in Xadia, and crops in Duren will be ripening soon... Unless the sun’s magic was helping them grow. This coming winter could be rough. Next winter, people will die. Unless they can purify the Sunforge again.
Also, I have to wonder if Duren’s seven years of famine had anything to do with Sunforge shenanigans. They’d have happened at Khessa’s command, and we know she despises humans. If she was responsible for all the struggles that humans had to go through without enough food for seven years, and then their desperate attempt to fix the problem by invading Xadia for a Magma Titan’s heart which extended and exacerbated the war, I can see why Aaravos might feel Queen Khessa deserved to die
The city’s shaped kinda like an Egyptian pectoral necklace on this map, and that’s super pretty and not at all ominous
Also that’s a lot of gold for a whole city and I wonder how they got it all
The Shiverglades and the Shards
These areas are north of Lux Aurea and seem cold but not very icy, even though the Frozen Sea is right there. More thoughtful glances at the Sunforge over this one. Is it warming the land, or not warming the sea? Both?
Shiverglades is a play on Everglades, so this is a cold swamp, which sounds super fun I’m sure. Permafrost, tundra maybe?
The Shards seem to be rock islands with ice mountains. Glaciers are cool. 
I wonder if something broke those islands off on purpose. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy worldbuilding? Yeah, well, I like world-wrecking, too.
Storm Spire
Has a good view on everything that happens for miles, including Lux Aurea, the Midnight Desert, the Shiverglades, the Black Tundra, the Uncharted Forest, and Drakewood. 
Defensible position, no other tall mountains nearby
Also able to alert others to danger, especially since Avizandum could teleport like lightning
The Midnight Desert
It’s pretty big! And it looks like it’s littered with ruins of columns and dead palm trees. Like something else used to be in that great space and then something Very Bad happened to it. Maybe there was one great city where all the elves could mix together, and then it got utterly obliterated and the elves all fled to their respective safe places around Xadia. A city of black stone, back when Aaravos wore a crown? Now pulverized to dust and surrounded by not one, not two, but three primal nexuses? Hmmm...
All the wisps could be heat from the sand, or spooky spirit hints, or just an ominous sign of danger from the snakes below, but the overall effect is that the land is unhealthy if not cursed
The oasis is marked, and it must contain a spring since it runs a river out to join the river that passes through the Moonshadow Forest
Also the actual oasis kinda resembles a blue lizard which is adorable and probably also terrifying
Moonshadow Forest
The Silvergrove is the only village marked in the forest, so in keeping with the other lands and general map legend rules, it’s likely the capital/central village for the Moonshadow elves
The village is marked by four round-roofed homes between two tall leafy trees that shelter and hide them. It’s a hybrid balance between the blocky manmade castles of the human lands and the actual forest around them, showing a blending with nature that even the Sunfire city of Lux Aurea did not embrace, with all its golden buildings
It’s a good-sized forest, and it kinda stretches thin to the east but there it tentatively connects to the Drakewood Forest
Moonstone Path to the west just chilling in the lava like a blank alignment chart. Moonstone Path is Chaotic Hot.
Southern Xadia:
Ruins of Elarion
Elarion is a city, and it’s been lost to the humans for a thousand years
The building outlines are squared-off towers like the more modern castles in the west, suggesting that humans in Xadia built for strength and defense as soon as they could. They felt vulnerable and created protections in their architecture. The three elven cities we see also play to their strengths, but those strengths include magic. Elarion’s humans had to find a different strength, and they went with craftsmanship and ingenuity
It seems to be the only human city from before the border was drawn
“Ruins” doesn’t necessarily mean no one lives there at all, but it’s been emptied of humans and no one else has maintained it since
It had a great position on a vast lake, with sheltering hills and easy sea access
Sea of the Castout
This inland sea has five inlets and outlets. It’s hard to be sure which is which with some of them, with the way the water is drawn on this map. But I’m kinda liking the idea that all the water swirlies are places where Tidebound magic has been placed over the millennia, so the water can do whatever it needs to do depending on circumstances. That goes for the human lands, too. Katolis backward river, you’re off the hook.
With a name like "Castout,” I wonder if it was some kind of universal toilet to flush away things you didn’t want--including humans--who might wash up near Elarion and start to build there. Yeesh.
The rivers that flow into this sea pass through or near the Moonshadow Forest, the Midnight Desert, the Storm Spire, Drakewood, and the Uncharted Forest. That’s a lot of drainage.
It’s pretty far from the Tidebound Archipelago, so maybe its name is referencing Tidebound elves who have left their home colony
Was this always a sea, or did something that Xadia wanted to forget get flooded and hidden in the depths?
The land around it seems open and hospitable. It could be a good place to build/rebuild in a time of peace.
The Far Reaches
Open grassland with low hills
Two of the hills look like giant boot prints
Several colorful trees which I hope are fruit trees
Bounded by two rivers from the Sea of the Castout
Looks homey tbh, great spot to retire to get away from everything if there were a war that really shook you up
Ocean Point
There’s a Star rune here, and it could mean many things
The closest other marked location is Elarion
If this was where Aaravos lived of his own free will, I can see why he’d take a shine to the humans. They were his neighbors.
If he is imprisoned here, it’s literally the furthest point in Xadia from the other elven realms, with the Moonshadow Forest being the closest one and Umber Tor not too much further but in a totally different direction. If they were trying to isolate him physically with a portable mirror to watch over him, that’s a good spot for it
Possible location that the cube is leading Callum toward? Portal to the Star Touch home plane? Aaravos’s seaside B&B? Trap street?
Eastern Xadia:
Drakewood
Umber Tor looks to be the tallest mountain in all of Xadia, save possibly for the Storm Spire. It’s more traditionally mountainy, with a nice snowcap. Since it’s labeled, I’m guessing it’s the Earth Nexus, under which an Earth Archdragon sleeps
Also there’s a giant yellowish-brown dragon chilling next to the Tor. Yeah, he seems nice. Rex Igneous, I presume?
Or maybe not, since the neighboring forest is called Drakewood. Maybe this woods is just where a bunch of Earth dragons hang out? Ezran and Pyrrah flew off and returned with a crew of Sun dragons from somewhere, so dragons must have communities too
The mountains that edge the sea are shaped roughly like a stone dragon in flight
Drakewood seems to be the forest closest to Umber Tor, with both deciduous and evergreen trees, though there’s a huge swath of wooded land here, to the north and to the southwest. I wonder what the locals consider the border where the Drakewood becomes the Uncharted Forest and why. The way the evergreens are drawn almost looks like a border, a sort of kingswood set aside for a specific use. Rex Igneous’s best toothpicks?
Uncharted Forest
Okay this is a properly magical name, very mysterious. But uncharted by whom? People with charts? This might be a Sir Phineas Kurst name, which is outsidery, and it makes me wonder if the locals/neighbors have their own name for it, which the human explorer never learned, a la “Thunder” for Avizandum
Maybe “Uncharted Forest” just means no one ever turned those trees into charts though, old growth ftw
If no one lives here, will someone move here? If someone lives here, who are they? Earthblood elves? Moonshadow elves? Humans? This mystery, it calls to me
the trees are mostly deciduous and fill basically all of this whole section of land, up against the mountains and the rivers, so it seems very fertile land indeed
Earthblood elves could live here, but there is no city marked. Maybe because we haven’t gotten that far in the show, or maybe that’s the wrong sort of descriptor for how the Earthbloods live and organize. Maybe the whole forest is their city, like Pando, the interconnected quaking aspen clone forest
The northernmost part of this forest lies right between the Storm Spire and the Tidebound Archipelago, so it might get a regular flyover route for migration or messages
Yes, this forest is the most interesting place in Xadia to me, I desperately want to learn more about it
Black Tundra
Yeah this place isn’t ominous
Similar to the Shiverglades, but where that has shrubbery, the Black Tundra has single dead trees and creepy curving spikes. Scorched? Poisoned? De-magicked?
The water north of this area isn’t frozen, and with a lake to the south and a river and a moderate mountain range, the whole area looks like it would otherwise be decently habitable, but instead it’s cold and black
Is climate change a thing here, or will we get a nice horrible disaster instead?
Tidebound Archipelago
These islands have dotted lines around them, like they’re submerged at high tide, or maybe made of shifting sand that literally moves around like sand dunes across a desert, or perhaps they’re exactly at sea level with half their civilization in the air and half underwater or in cool bubbles, or maybe the islands actually float
Maybe the Tidebound elves even sank them on purpose for defensive purposes
The archipelago is about even latitudinally with the Storm Spire Lux Aurea, Berylgarten, and Eboreus so they probably get pretty nice weather
There’s no ice in sight here in any direction along Xadia’s east coast, so presumably the prevailing current is a warm one
do they have bridges connecting the islands? Ferries, animals who give them a lift across?
the islands have quite a bit of space on them. I wonder if there’s a big population, maybe a shifting population? Do Tidebound elves migrate up and down the coast like gray whales and return to the islands for certain holidays or social events?
This is probably the hub of the Tidebound elves’ culture, but the sea surrounds the whole land and infiltrates it with many rivers and lakes. The Spinning Sea and the Frozen Sea are pretty firm Do Not Enter signposts, but a determined Tidebound could get around either one if they wanted to
What I’m not seeing here is a city. Either it’s not been marked yet, or that’s not a thing that Tidebound elves have in their culture. If they don’t have a city, they’re possibly migratory in family groups, or maybe they stick to small villages like the Moonshadows do, but with even less central leadership
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bomberqueen17 · 5 years
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putting things by
One of the things I do at the farm is take over preserving excess harvested vegetables so the busy farmers don’t have to stay up late and do it. It’s one of those tasks it’s hard to find time for. Farmsister and VegMan are both expert canners, but the unskilled drudge labor of freezing often falls to me. (There have been jokes about calling me The Freezer.)
Freezing vegetables is super super easy and you can do it in small batches-- like, huh these carrots are about to go off, I only used three out of the bunch and I’ll never get through them before they go the rest of the way wrinkly or get slimy-- 
Wash them, peel them if you’re into that, chop them, put them in a quart Ziploc freezer bag or cram them into an old plastic container you washed out but didn’t recycle yet. Put into freezer. Wham, bam, you’re set, now you have frozen carrots to use at your leisure sometime in the next six months to a year. This works for peppers, onions, celery-- you could even make a mirepoix and freeze blends of this stuff, if that’s how you use it most often.
I always just Google the thing I’m about to preserve. Some stuff-- spinach, beet greens, Swiss chard, snow peas-- you have to blanch first. This is because there are enzymes in them that freezing will not stop, and they’ll keep breaking the food down. Boiling will stop them, and so when you defrost your frozen thing, they’ll come out mushy-cooked, not gooey-gross.
Some things you cook down to save space. Tomatoes, you cook down first, because they’re mostly water and you can save a ton of room by only preserving the part of the tomatoes that’s tomato, not the water. Some things you cook down because it’s the most sensible way of preserving them-- like winter squash, which you can store for ages but when you think it’s gonna mold, roast it first and scrape the pulp into a baggie or a container of some kind, and freeze that. Eggplant, you have to cook before freezing because it will just be mush and cooked mush is usable while raw mush is just kind of gooey and nasty. A lot of stuff just tastes better roasted, and freezing is a method of cooking-- it breaks down things-- so it’s better to have it cooked the way you wanted, and then cooked a bit more by the freezer, than to be trying to cook it how you like after the freezer’s already broken it down. 
A CSA customer was telling us she freezes raw cabbage, and then when she thaws it, it’s cooked enough that she can use it to make cabbage rolls with. She just throws it right in the freezer whole and chops it afterward, and then she doesn’t have to boil it for the cabbage rolls. We all were boggled by this, but I haven’t yet tried it myself, so if you do, let me know how it worked. 
I guess you can freeze zucchini chopped in pieces and blanched, if you want to eat it in stir-fries later, but you can also just grate it raw into baggies if you’re going to use it for bread etc. later. 
This is the kind of stuff gardeners know about, homesteading types and such. But I’m telling you, yes you, apartment dweller, who cooks for one or two-- you can do this too. Don’t feel shut out from a CSA share or loading up on amazing fresh in-season shit at the farmer’s market just because you tried it and then had to throw out a bunch of moldy wilted stuff later. No! Get it, get the annoyingly-sized box for four adults, and figure right away that you’re going to eat maybe a quarter of it now, and freeze the rest. Do it. You can do it!
(Another trend worth noting: most CSAs won’t give you a smaller box or let you customize it much [though some will! worth asking!] but many many many will let you get a half share by picking up every other week. Even more will let you sign up with another person to split the share-- it’s just on you to organize it. CSA boxes do not just have to be for large families or people who cook a ton. It just takes organization and management, and you don’t have to do it yourself-- you can glom onto another person to help you organize. For real, think about it.)
I have found that freezing stuff in tiny quantities means I can make my little freezer work-- I just have the one that sits on top of a regular fridge, I don’t have a chest freezer, I have a tiny house and a Dude who isn’t good at meal planning.
But we have a tiny whiteboard on the outside of the freezer, and when I put stuff in there I write that it’s there, so when we’re meal planning later, we can look at the list and at least sometimes it’s up to date and we know what’s there. 
He’s starting to get into pickling and fermenting vegetables, and I dunno how that’s going to go, but it’s also pretty accessible and can be done on a small scale with the shit you can’t eat fast enough and don’t want to have to throw out. 
I chopped, blanched, and packaged the rest of my bunch of Swiss chard and all the greens from my beets while my Instant Pot was making me beet pilaf last night. I put the water on to boil after I sealed the lid, and I was done before the pot was. I only had one bunch of beets (it was two beets! they were huge!) and one single bunch of Swiss chard and I’d been trying all week to eat them and it was too much for two people and they were wilting in the fridge. Now I have one more two-person serving of each, for future meals when we haven’t been grocery shopping lately.
My point is-- you can do it. Do that farm wife shit. Do it on your tiny scale in your tiny-ass kitchen in your little freezer in your stolen half-hour after dinner prep. Then you can buy your lush local shit at the farmer’s market with your precious little basket and all, and not have to throw most of it out and buy frozen Birdseye shit at WalMart in November. 
You can do this, it is accessible to you! Maybe that seems obvious and condescending but I am saying it because I didn’t realize it until pretty recently and i feel like our generation hasn’t had the same access to this kind of knowledge as former ones. My mom froze shit all the time but my parents were borderline preppers before that was a thing, and I just plain didn’t realize I could do that shit in the suburbs. But I can! And I will.
And I do. So can you. 
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jaybug-jabbers · 3 years
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Flick’s Complete Bug Guide
Hi, all! Do you feel a wave of disappointment whenever you bring Blathers a bug and he spends all his time berating the poor creatures? Want to learn more about the buggy friends you find in Animal Crossing without all the snide remarks?
Look no further– this is Flick’s Complete Bug Guide! Learn about these amazing creatures from the perspective of a true bug fan!
You’re encouraged to visit every time you capture a new bug so you can learn more about it!
This guide is written in the theoretical universe where you can approach Flick during a day he is visiting and there is a dialogue option “Tell me about this!”
Upon being asked to tell you about a bug, Flick would say:
“Oh my gosh! A <name of bug>! I can hardly even gaze upon its sheer beauty and magnificence!”
“Ahem. I-I mean, um … thank you for bringing this to me!”
He would then tell you about the bug, and finish his speech with the following:
“It has been an honor to spend time in the presence of your  <name of bug>. I hope you enjoyed hearing what wisdom I could share about it!”
Now, onward to the bug guide!
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Common Butterfly (Pieris rapae)
The Common Butterfly, also known as the Cabbage Butterfly or the White Butterfly, is a widespread species of butterfly with pretty white wings and black spots. A large reason this species has grown so widespread is because its caterpillars love to eat plants in the cabbage family, including kale, broccoli and bok choy, plants that humans grow plenty of. While these caterpillars are considered serious crop pests, it’s interesting to note that these little grubs will move around a lot when feeding, avoiding damaging any single part of the plant too much. This may be to avoid predators from easily spotting the caterpillars, but they also might be trying to share the crops with us! With that in mind, maybe we can learn to share our crops with the butterflies, too.  
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Yellow Butterfly (Colias erate)
Ever wonder about a butterfly’s wing? Such delicate, beautiful structures? Well, the scientific name for the family of butterflies and moths is ‘Lepidoptera,’ which means 'scale wing.’ Butterfly wings are coated in thousands of teeny, tiny scales made of chitin. These scales help insulate a butterfly, as well as allow butterfly wings to get their coloration through pigments or iridescence. The scales also allow for a very neat trick– if a butterfly gets captured in a spider’s web, there’s a good chance some of the scales on their wings will detach, allowing the butterfly to slip away. That’s why if you handle a butterfly, sometimes you hands are covered in a fine powdery substance. That powder is some of the butterfly’s scales rubbing off on you. I have to admit, I envy butterfly scales a little. They seem much more beautiful and functional than my own lizardy scales.
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Common Bluebottle (Graphium sarpedon)
This vibrant black-and-blue insect is a type of swallowtail butterfly, and lives in tropical rainforests as well as some drier, subtropical environments. Like most butterflies, they feed on flower nectar, but Bluebottles are also commonly seen drinking from mud puddles. This helps them take in salts and minerals from the ground. In search of nutrients, Bluebottles may even occasionally feed from animal droppings or dead animals! Although this may change your image of butterflies as sweet, lovely insects, it’s actually a really smart move for the butterflies. Good things can come even from wastes!
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Tiger Butterfly (Papilio machaon)
The Tiger Butterfly is named for its dramatic yellow and black-striped coloration. It’s also sometimes called a Yellow Swallowtail, because of the long tails on its hindwings that resemble the tails of swallows. When Tiger Butterflies are caterpillars, they are covered in brown, white and black spots– ingeniously camouflaged as bird droppings! As the caterpillars get older, their colors change to a lovely green with black and orange markings. They also gain a new defense against predators, called the osmeterium. This is a forked, retractable organ that the caterpillar can inflate when feeling threatened. The osmeterium releases a foul odor, warding off ants and other predatory insects. As you can see, caterpillars have all sorts of tricks to avoid being eaten– which is a good thing, because that means more beautiful butterflies!
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Agrias Butterfly(Agrias claudina)
This superb little butterfly is considered one of the most beautiful species to exist, and with its iridescent pink and violet set on a black background, I find it hard to argue. The glorious colors you’re witnessing are thanks to the teeny, tiny scales that coat the butterflies’ wings. Male Agrias Butterflies also have small yellow patches of scales on their hindwings, and these patches are special. They’re actually made of something called androconial scales. These scales help release pheromones for attracting a mate. Butterflies communicate with each other through these pheromones, as well as those colorful, glittering wings. Of course, with such eye-catching looks, these butterflies may gain the unwanted attention of predators, too, but they’re in luck: Agrias Butterflies are incredibly swift and agile fliers. It takes a lot to get ahold of one of these little gems!
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Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing (Ornithoptera alexandrae)
Oh, wow! You caught a Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing? Those are rare– they’re an endangered species! They live in rainforests, but habitat destruction from oil palm plantations has really damaged their populations. (It didn’t help that a volcano erupted around the 50s, destroying much of their habitat as well.) These days, it’s illegal to trade this species worldwide. Hopefully, with habitat protection and captive breeding programs, the species will make a comeback. It’s a really special species– did you know it’s the largest butterfly in the world? Its wingspan can reach up to 9 inches or larger! The females are the larger of the species, while males are smaller but more brightly colored. They love to fly quite high up, and have few natural predators due to their size. That fact gives me hope! I want to see these birdwings thrive once more.
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Emperor Butterfly (Morpho menelaus)
The charismatic Emperor Butterfly– also commonly known as the Blue Morpho– is a wonderful example of iridescence. The shimmering cerulean shades of this species do not come from pigment but instead from wing scales that have a special microstructure, reflecting the light in a special way to produce the color. As the butterfly flies, you get flashes of bright blue, and other times see the dark wing undersides. It makes for quite the dazzling display. This butterfly’s wings don’t only look lovely, but also are able to repel water. As a result, it’s one of the few butterflies that will fly in the rain! Because of its beauty, the Emperor is popular with collectors, but over collection and habitat destruction threatens this species. It’s essential that we protect and preserve nature and its incredible insects, so future generations can enjoy them as well!
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Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing (Trogonoptera brookiana)
The regal Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing is the national butterfly of Malaysia, and it’s easy to see why. This butterfly makes for an impressive sight; it has a wingspan over 7 inches long and has shimmering, electric-green and black wings. It dwells on rainforested islands where it feeds from flowers such as orchid trees. Interestingly, the males love to gather at hot mineral springs to sip the water, while the drabber-colored females are seen far less often, living a more mysterious life in the trees. The caterpillars of this species are white and brown, covered in defensive spines called tubercles. These larvae feed on the poisonous leaves of vines, storing the poison in their bodies so they are toxic to predators that try to eat them. Laws have been made to protect this popular species, attempting to limit the trade and export of these butterflies. Unfortunately, people sometimes still try to smuggle this species to sell to collectors. It’s an important reminder that we need to protect and respect these beautiful creatures, and not let collecting get out of hand.
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Great Purple Emperor (Sasakia charonda)
The Great Purple Emperor is Japan’s proud national butterfly, due to their refined beauty and their wide distribution across Japan. They are black or brown butterflies speckled in white and yellow, with the males covered in a gorgeous purple sheen. They like to dwell in the upper canopy of trees but will come down to feed, sipping up tree sap and occasionally seeking minerals from animal droppings or animal carcasses. They are quick, strong flyers and are said to look like birds when they fly. The caterpillars of this species are adorable green larvae with a pair of horns that I think makes them look absolutely charming. These caterpillars enjoy the leaves of hackberry trees, and when winter comes, the fellows will turn a brown color and crawl to the ground and hide among the roots and fallen leaves. When spring arrives, they immerge from hiding and continue to feed until they are ready to pupate and become adults in the summer. Then they take flight with their strong wing beats– truly the kings of the summer forest!
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Paper Kite Butterfly (Idea leuconoe)
The Paper Kite Butterfly is known for its slow, graceful flight, looking much like a handkerchief drifting in the breeze. With their silvery white wings, decorated in dramatic black stripes and spots, it only adds to the loveliness of the picture. However, it’s important to note this species is not simply beautiful; it’s also highly poisonous. The caterpillars of Paper Kites feed on a number of toxic vines, and store the poisons in their bodies as they eat. This poison remains when they transform into adults, so any birds that happen by and try to eat this butterfly are in for a nasty surprise. The bird usually survives these encounters but learns a valuable lesson– avoid snacking on these elegant creatures!
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Peacock Butterfly (Papilio bianor)
The Peacock Butterfly is a type of swallowtail butterfly, which means its hindwings have extensions that look very much like the tails of swallows. These colorful 'tails’ are actually great defensive mechanisms. If a bird tries to attack the Peacock Butterfly, it may focus instead on the eye-catching tail. This may end up with a bird grabbing a chunk of wing, but the butterfly’s vital body parts are still intact, and it can escape. Next time you’re admiring the gorgeous sparkling tails of the Peacock Butterfly, you can appreciate they aren’t simply for show but can also help protect these insects!
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Monarch Butterfly (Danaus plexippus)
This particular butterfly is well-known for its epic migrations. Because Monarchs do not tolerate the cold, each year when winter begins to approach, they migrate en masse southward to Mexico, where they overwinter. They do this by taking advantage of air currents and thermals, traveling amazing distances in the process– sometimes up to 3,000 miles! During this migration, when the butterflies are resting, they gather together in large groups to roost on trees, huddled for warmth. A group of migrating monarchs is a truly incredible sight to behold; the air thick with fluttering wings, the trees absolutely covered in bright black and orange. Once winter has passed, the monarchs begin a return migration, but this one is different, as it spans multiple generations. The butterflies that eventually return northward in the spring are the grandchildren of the ones that left in the winter– in fact, it takes 3-4 generations for the monarchs to return to their northern territories again! Their journeys are truly inspiring.
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Moth (Order Lepidoptera)
Time for a little lesson! Want to know the difference between butterflies and moths? A lot of people might think the difference is that moths are nocturnal and rather duly-colored, while butterflies are colorful and active during the day. But the truth is, there are actually a lot of daytime-flying moths, and many of those species are extremely colorful! A better way to tell them apart is to look at their antenna; generally, butterfly antenna are thin with 'clubs’ at the end, while moth antenna are fuzzy or feathery and lack clubs. Also, you can look at their wings when they’re at rest: butterflies usually like to hold their wings closed when they rest, while moths usually hold their wings flat. However, these are just rules of thumb, and there are exceptions. Ultimately, they’re both very closely related insects in the order Lepidoptera, and both equally enjoyable creatures.
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Madagascan Sunset Moth (Chrysiridia rhipheus)
It is positively euphoric to gaze upon the Madagascan Sunset Moth, with its wide wingspan of 3 to 3 and a half inches, its eye-catching tails, and its glittering kaleidoscopic colors of red, green, blue and black. This day-flying moth species sips nectar and flits about the forests of Madagascar. Their caterpillars, white larvae clad in black spots and stripes, like to feed upon highly toxic shrubs, and then store the poison in their bodies. When they metamorphose into adults, they retain their toxicity, so predators quickly learn to avoid these dazzling insects. This species is considered one of the most beautiful moth or butterfly species in the world, prized among collectors and sometimes used in the making of jewelry. Of course, I feel the best way of appreciating this moth is the same way you appreciate a sunset; just be present for the moment you’re living in. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Sunset moth.
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Atlas Moth (Attacus atlas)
What a beautiful creature! The Atlas moth is one of the largest moths in the world. Do you see how its wings are massive compared to its little body? And here, the tips of its wings have these large extensions that look like the head of a snake! When potential predators disturb this moth, it flaps its wings and uses these false snake heads to try and spook animals away. It’s a clever tactic, because the Atlas moth must be careful about conserving its energy– it cannot afford to fly great distances. Why? Because it has no mouth. Adult moths simply never eat and live off of the fat reserves they built up when they were feeding as caterpillars. Like the bloom of a flower, the life of the Atlas Moth does not last long, but our worlds are all the richer for having them in it.
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Rice Grasshopper (Oxya japonica)
The Rice Grasshopper is considered by people to be an agricultural pest, because it loves to eat crops, especially rice crops. However, the Rice Grasshopper is also considered by people to be, um … a very tasty snack. I have a sad story about Rice Grasshoppers. I was a pretty young hatchling at the time, and I was playing outside. I had been chasing a grasshopper for over an hour. When I finally captured it, I was so excited and proud! It was a beautiful Rice Grasshopper, probably a female, since it was quite large. I brought it back home to show my father. I … I gave it to him so he could look at it, and . . . he ate it in one gulp… . I cried a long time after that. He hadn’t realized I wanted to keep it. But, um … yeah. We don’t always get along so well. I can’t possibly imagine wanting to eat such beautiful, amazing creatures.
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Long Locust (Acrida cinerea)
This fantastic-looking grasshopper has an incredibly long, triangular head, with two long antenna on top. They also have amazingly long hind legs, which they use to bound away from predators. They feed upon various grasses and especially have a taste for rice plants. The females of the Long Locust are much larger than the males, and can often be mistaken as a separate species. In Japan, these grasshoppers are known as Shouryou-batta, or “Spirit Grasshopper.” Because the grasshoppers appear in summer and autumn, around the time of the Bon Festival, and the grasshoppers’ bodies are boat-shaped, they remind people of the boats used during the festival to carry the souls of the departed. Quite an honorable reputation for this little locust!
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Grasshopper (Infraorder Acrididea)
Grasshoppers come from a family of insects that have ancient roots, all the way back to the Triassic period. They have been chomping away on grasses and other plants for a very long time! They have powerful hind legs they use to spring into the air in order to evade predators. In the moment they leap, they may also flash their brightly-colored wings to startle their enemies. Since you’ve captured this grasshopper, I’m sure you know how surprisingly far and fast they can jump. Actually, if you and I could jump as well as a grasshopper, we could leap the length of a football field! Grasshoppers are also known for their chirping, which they produce by rubbing their powerful hind legs against their wings. Those impressive legs are thus useful for a variety of purposes. To be honest, our legs are pretty boring in comparison.
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Migratory Locust (Locusta migratoria)
Locusts are a type of grasshopper that can engage in an absolutely fascinating event: locust swarms. Normally, locusts live a solitary, humble life; green insects that slowly creep about, calmly feeding on grasses and generally avoiding fellow locusts. However, if locust populations start to become too crowded, especially due to high rainfall increasing the food supply, then locusts change rapidly. Their appearances change and they gain bright, colorful markings; also, their behavior switches to being highly gregarious, which means they are drawn to each other in large crowds and they start to act as a single group. They begin to reproduce rapidly and eat voraciously, and will travel over long distances, stripping the land of vegetation. These swarms are sometimes called locust plagues, because they can devastate farmer’s crops and even cause famine! There is some consolation, though … locusts are a good, protein-packed food for people to eat.
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Cricket (Family Gryllidae)
The soothing, relaxing song of crickets is produced when crickets rub their textured wings together– this is called stridulation. They sing to attract mates and to mark their territories, and some crickets even have a specific tune they sing after a successful mating. These musical insects are also affected by temperatures; most crickets chirp faster as the temperature increases, and they can be so reliable that if you count the number of chirps, you can estimate the temperature. The language of crickets is actually quite complex and compelling! Crickets hear each other through ears located on their front legs, just below their 'knees.’ Cricket hearing is very sophisticated, actually, and may even rival our own hearing. The next time you hear that gentle chirping in the night, you should stop to really listen to it. Who knows what secrets they could be whispering to you!
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Bell Cricket (Homoeogryllus japonicus)
Like most insects, the Bell Cricket has two pairs of wings; the hindwings are membranous and meant for flight, while the front wings are leathery and protective. Bell Crickets make a beautiful chirp by rubbing their front wings together, and many people liken the sound to the chiming of bells. These crickets can change the sound of their songs by vibrating their bodies as they chirp, making the sound of each cricket unique. These lovely musicians are popular pets, traditionally kept in bamboo cages. What’s more, there’s actually a Buddhist temple that raises thousands of Bell Crickets each year, so that people can go there to meditate to the melodious sound of Bell Cricket chirps. It sounds divine to me!
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Mole Cricket (Family Gryllotalpidae)
Mole crickets are remarkable little critters, adapted perfectly to a life underground. They use their powerful shovel-like front legs to dig rapidly in the dirt, excavating tunnels in search of food such as roots, grasses and worms. The males will construct horn-shaped tunnels and then chirp inside them, so the tunnels resonate the sound of the chirping. This means while you may never have seen a mole cricket before, you’ve likely heard one without realizing! Mole crickets do occasionally leave the earth, however, and can fly or even swim, if needed. Generally they come to the surface at night, so if you’re particularly lucky, you may get to see one!
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Mantis (Order Mantodea)
The mantis is a mighty ambush predator, stalking their prey before seizing them with their spiked, raptorial forelegs, using lightning-speed reflexes. They have huge compound eyes, and their heads can turn 180 degrees as they survey the world for food. They feed upon many insects, and can even take down hummingbirds and rodents! Their hunger will sometimes even extend to eating their own kind; it’s not unheard of for female mantises to consume the heads of the males after mating. This is perhaps not as terrible as it sounds; the male’s sacrifice helps provide nourishment for his future offspring. Still, I must admit, if I am to be reborn as a mantis in the next life, I’d probably prefer to be born a female mantis.
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Orchid Mantis (Hymenopus coronatus)
This resplendent mantis is perfectly disguised as a white and pink flower, down to the very petal shape itself! The camouflage helps protect it from predators as well as draw in potential prey. The mantis lies in wait among the bushes and flowers for an unsuspecting butterfly or other insect to wander by, and then snatches it up. Such deadly beauty– a clever mistress of blossoms! These mantises are so skilled at disguise, they can even gradually change color to reflect their environment. To be honest, I feel a certain kinship with the orchid mantis’ camouflaging ways. Perhaps someday I will master the art of flower mimicry, just as they have!
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Honey Bee (Genus Apis)
The humble honeybee, a hard-working partner of ours for thousands of years. Cave paintings up to 10,000 years old show people eating honey, and beekeeping in clay pots began around 9,000 years ago in Africa. Because of this long-term relationship, we know quite a lot about our buzzing friends. For example, bees communicate with each other through the medium of dance! When a worker bee finds a great patch of flowers and wishes to tell her sisters about it, she returns to the hive and performs a waggle dance. The dance tells the bees the direction of the flower patch and its distance from the hive. As an artist, I can empathize with the bees. Words often pale in comparison with other methods of expression. Truly, the bees are not only diligent workers but brilliant performance artists.
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Wasp (Polistes rothneyi)
Wasps! One of the most misunderstood and amazing families of insects to exist! Did you know there are over 30,000 species of wasps? They come in all shapes and sizes, from the fairy wasps that are around the size of an amoeba to the massive asian giant hornets that are almost two inches long. While some are well-known for constructing papery or mud nests and living in hives, many other species are solitary and live in single, tiny burrows. As a whole, wasps tend to be predatory, preying on a wide range of insects, including many species considered harmful to crops. Wasps also dine upon nectar, however, and can be important plant pollinators. It’s difficult to try and summarize the sheer variety and glory of wasps, but know that they play vital roles in the ecosystem and are truly wondrous creatures!
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Robust Cicada (Hyalessa maculaticollis)
Aaaah, the sweet, sonorous cicada. Nothing quite says “summer” like the hypnotic sound of cicadas singing. Cicadas are well-known for their loud, rhythmic songs, but how do they make these sounds? The answer is the tymbals– drum-like organs in the abdomen that males flex back and forth. The sound then reverberates throughout the cicada’s abdomen, magnifying the sound. Robust Cicadas in particular are known for their especially loud chirps. I find these musicians to be deeply inspiring, and it’s always a transcending experience to hold witness to one of their performances!
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Gaint Cicada (Cryptotympana holsti)
Did you know that cicadas are seen as symbols of rebirth and immortality in Chinese lore? Just as the cicada lives underground for many, many years and then rises, reborn from the dirt, we hope to emulate such glory. Cicadas were also seen as creatures of high status, as they subsist on dew and perch upon their thrones in the treetops. Because of this symbolism, Chinese royalty has borrowed fashion ideas from the great cicada. Even their crowns were decorated with the image of a cicada, eyes shining bright! A fitting homage to this noble bug.
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Brown Cicada (Graptopsaltria nigrofuscata)
While most cicadas have transparent wings, the Brown Cicada sports opaque, brown wings, so it’s pretty easy to recognize. Another recognizable trait is their cry, which is often compared to the sound of hot oil sizzling. These bugs are fond of sipping the sap of trees, including fruit trees. As a result, some people consider the Brown Cicada a pest. Hah! Imagine having the audacity to call these little marvels a pest! The cicadas are only doing what comes natural to any of us– eating to survive. I’ll gladly share the fruit trees with my insect brethren for that.
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Evening Cicada (Tanna japonensis)
The males of Evening Cicadas sing a mournful song in the mornings, at dusk, or when the weather turns cool or cloudy. Among the many different cicadas, the sorrowful song of the Evening Cicada is possibly my favorite. But why do cicadas sing? Are they expressing some deep-felt sentiment? Actually, yes. They are expressing perhaps one of the most deep-felt sentiments there can be; loneliness. Evening Cicadas, as well as their cicada relatives, are calling for a mate. Males usually pack into rather large groups and call together, creating quite a large collective sound. Females can hear these calls from around a mile away! It’s a nice thought that because of their mournful cries, the Evening Cicadas are able to happily unite with each other.
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Walker Cicada (Meimuna opalifera)
While some cicadas are associated with summer, the song of the Walker Cicada traditionally marks the end of summer and the start of autumn. It has a very characteristic cry, which in Japan is heard as “Tsukutsuku … boushi!” However, the song of this species actually differs depending on the region it is in. That’s right– insects have dialects! Speaking of dialects, the Walker Cicada is actually native to China, but it’s believed it hitched a ride on wooden brooms and was imported to Japan. Now it’s widespread in both countries, in addition to Korea and Taiwan. I wonder what a Walker Cicada would sound like with an Australian dialect? Or an Indian one?
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Cicada Shell
This is truly a treasure– a perfectly intact cicada shell! These shells are proof of a wondrous transformation that cicadas undergo. You see, it all begins when a female deposits an egg in a little groove on a tree. The young feed on the fluids of the tree for a while before dropping to the ground and digging their way to safety. They then spend years underground, exploring the depths and dining on roots. Eventually, the young rise from the soil, finally seeing daylight once more, and climb the trunk of a tree. There, they shed their skins, emerging as glorious, winged adults! This shell represents their touching life journey. I hope that it might inspire you, as it does for me.
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Darner Dragonfly (Anax parthenope)
Dragonflies are one of my favorite species! Did you know dragonflies were some of the very first winged insects to evolve and have been around for millions of years? Ancient dragonflies had wingspans of up to two feet long! The Darner Dragonfly isn’t that large, of course, but it’s still an impressive creature. They’re powerful predators, capturing their prey mid-flight, kind of making them the hawks of the insect world. Their flying skills are fantastic, and they can fly in all directions, hover, and even fly backwards, so they have unparalleled agility. Because they hunt by sight, they also have amazing eyes, among the best in the insect kingdom; they have up to 30,000 lenses in those enormous compound eyes pointing in all directions, and can detect light in color spectrums well beyond what we can see. If you want to have some fun, just sit back and watch the dragonflies hunt for a while!
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Red Dragonfly (Sympetrum frequens)
Ever wonder why dragonflies are usually found near water? They love to hunt in these environments, snatching up and devouring midges, mosquitoes, moths and many others. But dragonflies are also fond of ponds and lakes because those are their breeding grounds. You see, dragonfly larvae are aquatic. The female lays her eggs on plants near the water or will skim the surface of the water with her abdomen, dropping eggs into the water. The nymphs that hatch are active, hungry hunters, devouring mosquito larvae, other aquatic insects or worms, and even tadpoles and small fish. The nymphs enjoy their aquatic lifestyle for a long time, up to five years, occasionally climbing onto a reed to shed their old skins and grow, before eventually molting one last time into a winged adult. Because of their reliance on these ecosystems, dragonflies are great indicators of the health of our wetlands!
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Banded Dragonfly (Anotogaster sieboldii)
There has been a very wide range of associations with dragonflies among different cultures. European cultures have historically viewed dragonflies in a very negative light; some have called them “devil’s darning needles” and folklore casts them in villainous roles. Fortunately, other cultures view dragonflies in a very positive way. They are celebrated in some Native American crafts and may symbolize pure water or swiftness; in Japan, dragonflies are strong symbols of courage, luck and happiness, as well as signs of autumn’s arrival. Dragonflies have been used in traditional medicine as well as for food, so some cultures simply associate them with a meal. It’s actually really hard to summarize the many different ways people view dragonflies. Personally, I admire dragonflies’ incredible flying and hunting talents, their sheer beauty, and their tenacious spirits. What do dragonflies mean to you?
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Damselfly(Ischnura senegalensis)
The Damselfly is a close relative to the dragonfly, but damselflies tend to be smaller, thinner, and hold their wings along their body at rest. You can also tell by looking at their eyes; damselfly eyes are always separated while most dragonfly eyes are touching. Like the dragonfly, damselflies are talented predators, nabbing flies, mosquitoes, moths and others right out of the air or plucking them off of plants. Males display elaborate courtship dances to impress females. If the male is successful, the damselflies will mate in a complex shape called a mating heart or mating wheel– which is the shape their abdomens make when they curl around each other. The female then lays eggs along the stems of underwater plants. The young that hatch live under water, breathing through feathery gills on their abdomens and feeding on aquatic insects, sometimes molting so they can grow larger. When they’re ready, they immerge from the water and cast off their old skin to immerge as graceful, lithe adults. The coloration of dragonflies and damselflies can range from just about every color of the rainbow, and they often shimmer beautifully in the sun. The next time you’re by a pond or marsh, keep an eye out for these quick, flittering gems!
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Firefly (Family Lampyridae)
Fireflies are appealing little beetles with an extraordinary ability: a beautiful bioluminescence located on their backsides. The lights that fireflies produce are chemical reactions that take place inside their transparent abdomens. This light is cool to the touch and is yellow-green in color. Fireflies control their luminescence at will, and will flicker their lights in rhythmic patterns that are unique to each species. This helps males and females locate each other for mating. While many fireflies feed on pollen and nectar, some are carnivorous. Sometimes, females of these carnivorous fireflies will use light signals to their advantage, mimicking the patterns of particular firefly species simply to lure them in so they can eat them. These are femme fatale fireflies, so males need to be careful of them– the mesmerizing displays of fireflies can be a complicated language!
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Pondskater (Family Gerridae)
This graceful bug skates effortlessly across the surface of the water, a magnificent feat that us silly vertebrates can only dream of. The pondskater’s body is carefully built to transfer their weight perfectly across their long, slender legs, which are lined with hairs that help repel water. The insects will row across the water with their middle legs and steer with their back legs. Their front legs are shorter and have claws, to help them seize insects that have fallen into the water. They pierce their prey with a proboscis to feed– all while staying on the surface of the water! Pondskaters do pretty much everything on top of the water, even mating. They communicate with other pondskaters by creating ripples in the water; some ripple frequencies are threatening signals while others are mating signals. They are truly masters of their craft. I’d prefer to watch the pondskaters’ dances rather than an ice skater any time!
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Giant Water Bug (Family Belostomatidae)
The Giant Water Bug is indeed very large– the largest true bug, which can grow to be around four inches long! They have flattened, oval bodies, with oarlike back legs for swimming and raptorial front legs that are designed for seizing prey. They also have tubes on their abdomen that they breathe through, much like a snorkel. Water Bugs stalk and capture a wide variety of prey, including fish, frogs, and insects, and may even grab turtles and snakes! Once they capture something, they inject it with venomous saliva, then wait for their food to digest before sucking up the liquefied remains. Although these bugs are efficient and aggressive predators, they’re also caring parents; in some species, the female will lay her eggs on the back of the male, and the father will carry them about until they hatch! It’s nice to see father insects taking an active role in parenting as well.
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Diving Beetle (Family Dytiscidae)
Diving Beetles are sleek, flat beetles that cruise through the water with ease, using their powerful, hairy back legs to paddle.  Although they’re aquatic they still need to breathe air, and actually store air bubbles under their wing cases before diving, breathing the air through tubes in their abdomens. The Diving Beetle is an active predator, hunting a wide variety of prey including insects, tadpoles and fish. The young of Diving Beetles are also carnivorous predators, and are sometimes called Water Tigers. When the larvae are ready, they bury themselves in the mud to pupate, and immerge as adults. Adult Diving Beetles are surprisingly very capable fliers, and will take off at night in search of new watery habitats. They search for the bright reflection of moonlight bouncing off of bodies of water to help guide them. If you ever find Diving Beetles in a small pond or puddle and wonder how they got there, that’s how!
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Stink Bug (Family Pentatomidae)
Aww, a Stink Bug! I love these fellahs. Stink Bugs are a great example of true bugs. Technically speaking, a lot of things we call bugs aren’t really bugs. All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs! So what makes a true bug? Well, true bugs like Stink Bugs have beaklike mouthparts called proboscises. They use them to pierce plants (or animals!) and suck up their food. Unlike butterfly or honeybee mouthparts, true bugs can’t roll up their proboscises. True bugs also often produce a pungent defensive spray, like Stink Bugs! People argue over what stink bug spray actually smells like– some say it’s very earthy, others call it woody or oily, and some say it’s bitter and fruity. Although it’s designed to ward off predators, I have to admit I’ve grown quite fond of the smell.
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Man-Faced Stink Bug (Catacanthus incarnatus)
The markings of the Man-Faced Stink Bug are bright and colorful, and some people think these markings look like a face. With such an appealing, dramatic appearance, you’d expect these bugs to be popular pets, but actually, people have had a little difficulty raising them in captivity. The challenge is in raising the nymphs. What exactly are nymphs? Well, some insects undergo what’s called complete metamorphosis– for example, butterflies first hatch as caterpillars, then transform into pupae before immerging as adults. Other insects, such as stink bugs, undergo incomplete metamorphosis. Their young are not grubs, but instead are nymphs, which are basically miniature versions of the adults. Our hope is to eventually raise these baby Man-Faced Stink Bugs to full adulthood. If we succeed, we can share the joy of stink bugs with more people!
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Ladybug (Family Coccinellidae)
These bright red little beetles actually come in a variety of colors with a variety of spots or stripes. Many cultures consider the ladybug a symbol of good luck, and if one lands upon you, good fortune is sure to find you. Part of the reason they are seen as lucky may be because of their voracious appetites for aphids. You see, aphids are tiny little bugs that love to eat people’s crops, but ladybugs eat aphids by the hundreds and help keep crops safe. Thus, some cultures consider ladybugs to be a divine gift. Next time a ladybug lands upon you, try making a wish. Whether you get the wish or not, you’ll be blessed by the presence of this charming little friend!
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Tiger Beetle (Subfamily Cicindelinae)
Tiger Beetles are named because they are powerful predators of the beetle world. But it might be more accurate to call them Cheetah Beetles! The fastest Tiger Beetle can run 5 miles per hour, or 120 body lengths per second. A Cheetah, in comparison, can only run 16 body lengths per second– so when you really think about it, Tiger Beetles are the clear winners. In fact, Tiger Beetles move so fast they have to stop in the middle of running several times to reorient their vision before running again. Even when stopping in the middle of a chase, the beetles have no problem capturing their prey!
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Citrus Long-Horned Beetle (Anoplophora chinensis)
The Citrus Long-Horned Beetle has a glossy black body with white spots, and has an impressively long pair of antenna. You’re likely to find it hanging out among the trees, as it’s fond of dining upon the leaves, stems and bark of a wide range of tree species, including citrus and hardwood trees. The females will drill little holes into the bark of a tree to carefully deposit her eggs, one at a time. When the eggs hatch, the larvae will dig into the tree, feeding on the nutritious inner bark. To be truthful, the Citrus Long-Horned Beetle is not very popular among a lot of people, because it’s capable of killing many healthy trees when it feeds and reproduces. Of course, there are natural enemies of these beetles that can help keep populations in check, such as parasites, ants and fungi. Nature does try to keep things in balance!
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Violin Beetle (Mormolyce phyllodes)
This elegant beetle has a very narrow neck and head, a wide, flat body and marvelously curved wings, looking very much like a tiny violin. In truth, it is probably not imitating a violin but a brown leaf, which helps it blend in with its environment and avoid predators. Its flat body also helps it slip in between layers of mushrooms and tree bark, where it actively hunts for other insects, especially larvae. If startled, this beetle can release toxic fluid as a defense. This is likely to deter anything that tries to stuff it into their mouths! The Violin Beetle lives in tropical rainforests in Malaysia and other islands, and is threatened by the destruction of its habitat. We must strive to preserve our rainforests so precious creatures such as the Violin Beetle can thrive.
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Jewel Beetle (Chrysochroa fulgidissima)
This dazzling little beetle is named after the splendid jewel-like shine to its exoskeleton. This coloration is known as iridescence, and the colors shift depending on how you look at them. Like little drops of sunlight, Jewel Beetles are so prized among people that their shells have been used in jewelry and other crafts. There is also an expression in Japan, tamamushi-iro, that refers to the ever-shifting colors of the Jewel Beetle, and the term can also refer to language that can be interpreted in multiple ways. Personally, I draw a great amount of artistic inspiration from the Jewel Beetle, and from my efforts to capture their ever-changing rainbows of power and vitality!
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Rosalia Batesi Beetle (Rosalia batesi)
This enchanting long-horned beetle is a beautiful shade of blue, is covered in black polka dots and sports an impressive pair of antenna that can be almost twice as long as its body. Its entire body is also covered in a velvety, fine hair, including cute little tufts of hair on the antenna. The adults enjoy eating pollen, fruits and sap, while the larvae rely on dead wood for food. While Rosalia Batesi bothers some people because it may feed on crops, many people adore this beetle for its attractive appearance, and it’s commonly featured on stamps and other designs. I think if we all learn to share the land and its bounties, then we can be very happy to share the world with this sprightly spirit of the forest.
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Blue Weevil Beetle (Genus Eupholus)
The Blue Weevil Beetle comes in many stunning shades of blue and green, and are so bright and beautiful that some people will use them for jewelry. But beware! These sparkling hues are actually warning signals! The Blue Weevil uses its long beak to bore into leaves, and builds up toxins in its body as it feeds. Anyone who’s hoping to chow down on these effervescent insects will end up getting poisoned. It’s far better to respect and admire the Blue Weevil than to eat it!
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Dung Beetle (Familes Geotrupidae, Scarabaeidae)
Dung Beetles come from a number of insect groups, including the earth-boring dung beetles, the scarab beetles, and the small dung beetles. What they all have in common is that they feed upon dung!  This is an incredibly important job, believe it or not. Without dung beetles and other feces-feeding insects, we might be buried up to our necks in animal droppings! The Dung Beetles break down these wastes and return nutrients back to the earth, recycling these materials. Many of them do this by shaping dung into a carefully compacted ball, balancing on top of it, and rolling it away to a safe place so they can feed. Dung Beetles like to roll in straight lines with their balls, and they use the sun and moon to help them navigate– and even the bright stripe of the Milky Way! It’s no wonder many cultures respect and even revere this talented beetle.
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Earth-Boring Dung Beetle (Family Geotrupidae)
Like some of their scarab brethren, the Earth-Boring Dung Beetle has a glittering, jewel-like luster to its exoskeleton. This is a very special kind of color! Unlike most colors in the animal kingdom, called pigments, the shells of Earth-Boring Dung Beetles are colored by iridescence, or teeny, tiny structures that bounce light in a particular pattern. The result is stunning to gaze upon! As these beetles spend much time burrowing into the soil, spotting them is truly like finding buried treasure.
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Scarab Beetle (Family Scarabaeidae)  
The sacred scarab! Truly, you are fortunate to have come upon one of these little deities. You see, scarab beetles were revered by the ancient Egyptians. When the scarabs rolled balls of dung for their precious young to feast upon, the Egyptians saw them as symbolically pushing the orb of the sun across the sky. In fact, the Egyptian sun God, Ra, was believed to have taken the form of a scarab beetle, named Khepri, and pushed the sun across the sky just like a ball of dung. The Egyptians even placed amulets shaped like scarab beetles over the hearts of mummies to protect them in the afterlife. Scarabs are protectors, bringers of light and of life itself!  
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Drone Beetle (Pseudotorynorrhina japonica)
These handsome creatures are a type of scarab beetle, a powerful group of beetles revered by the ancient Egyptians as sacred. The antennae of scarabs are special, and can be folded out gracefully like a fan to better detect odors, or folded back up into a club shape to serve as a weapon! We can only dream of possessing appendages so adaptable and so magnificent in design!
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Goliath Beetle (Genus Goliathus)
This mighty beetle is named after the legendary giant Goliath, and it’s easy to see why. This beetle can grow over four inches long, making it one of the largest beetles in the world! It also can weigh over three ounces when it’s a larva, although the adults are only around half that weight. The reason for the difference is because the larvae gorge themselves on decayed leaves, wood and proteins, preparing for their metamorphosis. As adults, they enjoy a lighter diet of tree sap, fruit juices and other sugary substances. To help with foraging, each of this beetle’s legs ends in a pair of hooked claws that are great for climbing and clinging to trees. If one of these beetles happens to attach itself to you with these feet, you’ll need to gently guide them off. If you just grab and pull, the claws might remain attached, and we don’t want their little feetsies to get hurt!
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Horned Elephant (Megasoma elephas)
This hefty beast is absolutely gigantic when compared to most beetles– in fact, it’s one of the heaviest beetles in the world. Males have big horns on their heads, which they use mainly to battle with other males for mating privileges. Another feature you might have missed is that their bodies are covered in fine, delicate hairs, making the beetles appear yellow in color. Sometimes, when I’m feeling anxious, I, uh … I pet the Horned Elephant beetles. It’s very soothing. You should try it sometime!
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Horned Dynastid (Allomyrina dichotoma)
These proud warriors have heads shaped like a samurai helmet, and make good use of those horns for battle and for digging. While embroiled in territory disputes, a male Dynastid can actually launch its competitor straight into the air! When they aren’t fighting, they can be found calmly hanging out on trees, sipping sap or drinking from ripe fruits. Their young live underground, eat rotting wood, and take a long time to mature– around a year. Then they immerge, as a fresh new batch of warriors of the woods!
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Horned Atlas (Chalcosoma atlas)
The Atlas Beetle is named after a titan from Greek Mythology who held up the heavens on his shoulders. The comparison to a Greek God is appropriate, as the Horned Atlas can reach sizes of up to five inches long and can carry hundreds of times its own weight. That makes it one of the strongest animals on the planet, for its size! Personally, it would not surprise me if we found out that a great celestial Atlas Beetle has been holding up the skies all of this time.
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Horned Hercules (Dynastes hercules)
The Hercules beetle is named in honor of the roman god Hercules, famed for his great strength and heroic feats. I can think of no greater name for this heroic beetle. The Horned Hercules can carry up to 850 times its own weight, and can grow to be 7 inches in length, making it the longest species of beetle in the whole world. A lot of that length is in its massive horn, which males use to challenge each other to win the affections of female beetles. Once they have mated, these massive beetles produce, as you could guess, massive babies. In fact, the young of Hercules beetles are probably the largest larvae in the world!
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Rainbow Stag (Phalacrognathus muelleri)
Oh! My eyes have been blessed, to be allowed to gaze upon the splendor of the Rainbow Stag. This beetle appears to change color depending on the angle you view it, shifting from emerald greens to ruby reds to glittering gold, all with a luscious metallic sheen. This magnificent color fades when the beetle dies, just as a rainbow will fade in the sky. I like to think the Rainbow Stag reminds us of the ephemeral nature of beauty and life, and teaches us to value things while we can.
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Golden Stag (Allotopus rosenbergi)
The Golden Stag’s exoskeleton is a breathtaking, metallic gold, making it highly prized by bug lovers and collectors. The shimmering beetles live in tropical jungles at high altitudes, using their short, sturdy mandibles to dig into wood and dine upon tree sap. Collectors have struggled to breed this stag in captivity, as it’s sensitive to temperatures and the young have strict dietary requirements. However, in recent times, there has been more success with captive breeding. Personally, I derive deep joy and satisfaction simply basking in this creature’s presence, regardless of how long it lasts. Come. Let us enjoy this golden moment together.
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Cyclommatus Stag (Genus Cyclommatus)
The mandibles of this stag beetle are staggering, often as long as their body. These amazing jaws are used to mine tree sap as well as fight other stag beetles for the right to mate. In fact, males will often throw each other off of trees in their competitions! However, do not be too intimidated by the Cyclommatus Stag; it can be tender as well. They chew through decaying wood to lovingly craft a home for their young. I’ve actually been considering taking inspiration from this stag and adding more rotting wood to my bedroom. I think it would give it a cozy touch.
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Miyama Stag (Lucanus maculifemoratus)
This handsome stag has a thick, bumpy exoskeleton and powerful-looking mandibles. However, despite its tough appearance, the Miyama is a gentle beast. In truth, you can easily injure one if you mishandle it, so care should be taken when interacting with this delicate soul. Miyamas are popular with children, and are widespread in their native lands, in both mountainous places as well as plains. Actually, one of my very first friends was a Miyama Stag. They helped me learn the deep and mysterious art of communication with insectkind. Thus, I will always have a soft spot for these gentle giants.
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Saw Stag (Prosopocoilus inclinatus)
Saw Stags are popular pets in their homeland, and it’s easy to see why. Those handsome reddish brown shells, those magnificent saw-like mandibles, those curious little eyes, those hook-like claws! As they grow, that pair of jaws grows along with them, gaining more teeth and a larger curve. You needn’t fear, though; this beetle is unlikely to bite you unless you stick your finger directly into its mouth. In fact, when this beetle feels vibrations, it may freeze and feign death as a defense mechanism. They clearly prefer to avoid a fight unless it’s necessary. The Saw Stags that I take care of certainly will never have a reason to fight– I spoil them rotten with all the bananas and beetle jelly they could possibly want!
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Giant Stag (Dorcus Hopei Binodulosus)
The Giant Stag is probably the most popular stag to keep as a pet! They’re very large, docile, easy to breed, and live quite long for a stag beetle, up to five years! People also find their mandibles to be very appealing, which have a single tooth on either side. They will rarely use these jaws to bite, unless you go out of your way to bother them. In fact, these are shy beetles, and they will spend a lot of their time just hiding away in holes inside of trees. They will peacefully sip tree saps and fruits, and prefer to be active at night. In the wild, Giant Stag populations have decreased due to over collection, although fortunately people are turning more and more to breeding in order to keep wild populations safe. This serves as an important reminder– bugs need to be treated with care and respect, even when we’re acting out of love!
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*Giaraffe Stag
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Walking Stick (Order Phasmatodea)
Walking Sticks are excellent examples of the art of camouflage in its purest form. Not only do they mimic twigs and branches, all the way down to the very knots in the wood, but as they walk, they mimic the sway of branches in the breeze. They have truly become one with their environment. I hope to achieve this level of focus in my own life someday, as I surround myself with all that is arthropod.
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Walking Leaf (Family Phylliidae)
These incredible insects have taken camouflage to the next level. Their bodies so closely resemble leaves that they include the veins and even nibble-marks on leaves, and they can even fool leaf-eating insects! As they walk, they sway back and forth, imitating a leaf blowing in the breeze. They enjoy munching on leaves, because the Walking Leaf not only disguises itself as leaves, but eats them as well. They are truly immersed in leafhood.
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Bagworm (Family Psychidae)
Bagworms are not really worms, but are the caterpillars of a special kind of moth. These charming little larvae construct themselves beautiful 'bags’ made out of silk and bits of things they find in the environment– twigs, leaves, lichens, sand, and even bits of plastic! They wear these protective bags as disguises as they crawl about and feed on leaves or lichens. When they’re ready to pupate, the bags serve as the perfect cocoon! Males will immerge from the case and spread their wings and fly away. Females, however, are a different story. Bagworm females often are wingless, and may spend the rest of their lives inside their childhood casings. Males will visit the females in their bags to breed. Imagine being so attached to your mobile home that you never leave! Considering how artistic some of these bags are, I guess I can’t blame them.
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Ant (Family Formicidae)
The extraordinary ant, a species that has existed for millions of years and currently lives in all corners of the globe. These creatures form complex colonies, often made up of hundreds or thousands of individuals, and have a division of labor: worker ants, soldier ants, fertile male drones, and an egg-laying queen ant. It would be erroneous to think of ants in individual terms, as really, individual ants come together to form a super-organism, the ant colony. They always cooperate for the wellbeing of the colony as a whole. Individual ants are marvelously talented in the ways of chemical communication, and they produce all kinds of scents to help communicate with their sisters; signals to signify food, warnings signals for enemies, and so forth. This is how ants are able to act together as a group. With this kind of communal power, ants can accomplish amazing things. They’ve been known to build bridges with their own bodies for their sisters to cross; some species will create and tend to underground fungus gardens; other species will herd and tend to honeydew-producing aphids as if they were tending cattle! Ants teach is something very important– the power of cooperation.
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Hermit Crab (Superfamily Paguroidea)
O-oh! It’s a Hermit Crab! These aren’t insects, but they are arthropods. What defines an arthropod is that they are invertebrates with segmented bodies and jointed limbs, as well as a chitinous exoskeleton. That means Hermit Crabs and insects are relatives! And they’re very charming relatives, too. Hermit Crabs have ten legs, inquisitive stalk eyes, and soft bodies protected by a shell. But these crabs don’t grow their own shells! Instead, they borrow empty shells they happens to find, which are often sea snail shells. As this type of crab ages and grows larger, it must find new, larger shells to borrow. Sometimes, when a Hermit Crab is looking for a new shell, and finds one that’s too large, it will sit and wait by the large shell. Other hermit crabs will pass by and join the first, waiting in an orderly line. Then, when a Hermit Crab passes by that is a perfect fit for the shell, all the crabs will quickly exchange shells in sequence! All that shell-trading may be a lot of work, but in the end, it’s worth it for such a cozy home.
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Fly (Musca domestica)
Aah, the common house fly. While this species of insect is rarely adored by people, the fly still has plenty of things to admire. This little scavenger plays an important role in breaking down wastes and organic matter, returning them to the earth. But the fly feeds on liquids, so how does it eat feces, carrion and rotting fruits or vegetation? Well, it regurgitates saliva from its stomach, which helps dissolve the food, and then sucks it up! You might also have observed that flies like to wander around a piece of food quite a bit before feeding. They’re likely tasting the food with their feet! This is also why you can often see flies carefully cleaning their feet. They need to stay tidy so their taste and tactile receptors work well. True, the fly can transfer diseases to human food by landing on something contaminated and then landing on human food. Yet there’s no denying they still play an important role in waste disposal– not to mention a vital role in the food web, as they’re food for many, many animals!
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Mosquito (Family Culicidae)
Little mosquito, oh how your reputation precedes you. This tiny fly is known for being a blood-sucker, but did you know only the females suck blood? The males feed upon nectar. The females seek a blood meal so they can produce eggs. Female mosquitoes are able to narrow in on a person or animal by detecting body heat and the carbon dioxide of their breath. The mosquito then lands, inserts her long proboscis, and injects saliva into her target to help with blood flow, and feeds until she’s all filled up. The itchy bite that she leaves behind is actually because of the mosquito’s saliva. Now, mosquitoes can transmit some bad diseases when they bite people, there’s no denying. But mosquitoes are also very useful to scientists, who study the germs that can live inside mosquitoes. By studying them, we can learn to better control the diseases that they can cause.
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Flea (Order Siphonaptera)
Fleas are teeny, tiny parasites that hunger for a blood meal. They have smooth, flattened bodies that help them move through fur or feathers with ease, hooked claws to help them cling to their hosts, and extremely powerful hind legs for jumping. A flea’s jump is incredible, and they can propel themselves around 200 times their own body length, making them one of the best jumpers in the world. While many flea species are very picky about their hosts, some fleas are generalists and may feed upon a variety of animals. Females will lay their eggs on the skin or the bedding of their host animals, and they will produce hundreds to thousands of eggs in their lifetime. The eggs hatch into little wiggling larvae that feed upon organic matter and their parents’ feces. When they mature into adults and take a blood meal, they can mate and begin the cycle anew. I can understand why people wouldn’t be terribly fond of fleas feeding on them, but luckily for me, fleas don’t care for reptile blood.
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Snail (Phylum Mollusca, Class Gastropoda)
Our slithering, slime-coated companions are not actually insects! Instead, snails are mollusks, close relatives of clams, oysters and other shellfish. They have soft, mucous-coated bodies– the underside of the snail is actually one big 'foot’ of sorts that pulses rhythmically to propel the snail forward. The slime that coats a snail helps it glide efficiently along the ground, and also stick to surfaces. Additionally, this slime helps protect snails from a number of hazards, such as harsh sunlight, sharp objects, and even bacteria! I’m actually a little jealous. Being coated in slime has an awful lot of benefits, as it turns out!
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Pill Bug (Order Isopoda, family Armadillidiidae)
Oh yes, the Pill Bug is something special! They’re actually not bugs at all but land-dwelling crustaceans– related to crabs, lobsters, and shrimp. They still retain their fondness for damp environments, so you’ll often see them under rocks or in tree stumps. In these wonderfully wet and dark places, they go about their business, eating decaying plant material and playing a vital role in decomposition and returning nutrients to our great earth. If you try to pick one up, it’s likely to roll into a ball– its plated armor allows it to curl into this protective posture. Wait a little while, and the Pill Bug may stop feeling shy and uncurl again, and you might get the chance to feel its many little legs walking in a gentle rhythm. It kind of tickles!
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Wharf Roach(Ligia exotica)
Wharf Roaches are not actually cockroaches– they’re not even insects, but instead are isopods, relatives of crabs and lobsters. They love to wander along rocky coastlines and harbor walls, and scavenge organic debris and algaes, acting as little beach cleaners. You might already be familiar with a close cousin of the Wharf Roach, the Pill Bug. There are some quick and easy ways to tell them apart, though. The Wharf Roach doesn’t roll into a ball, and the Wharf Roach has large, bulging eyes and lovely, long antenna. Another fun fact about Wharf Roaches is that often, the females will carry around their eggs, holding onto them with specialized egg-carrying appendages. If you have appendages custom-made for parental care, you know you’re gonna be good with children!
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Centipede (Scolopendra subspinipes)
My multilegged little marcher! The name 'centipede’ means '100 legs,’ but a centipede doesn’t actually have exactly 100 legs. Instead, it has anywhere from 30 to 354 legs, with one pair of legs per body segment. But because they always have an odd number of leg pairs, they never reach 100 exactly. Centipedes also have a pair of modified legs on their heads called forcipules, which inject venom into their prey. Be careful when interacting with centipedes, though! The centipede may bite more than just prey– it can bite anyone that it feels may be threatening them. This bite isn’t usually fatal, just painful, but it does mean you should respect the centipede’s boundaries, as with any creature. While centipedes can be aggressive, they can also be very kind; a large number of centipedes are very attentive mothers, wrapping their bodies around their eggs and remaining until they hatch. That tender, maternal embrace … those baby centipedes are very lucky to grow up so loved!
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Spider (Order Araneae)
The bewitching arachnid! With their eight legs and eight eyes, their fang-tipped chelicerae and their wriggling pedipalps, how could you not fall in love? Spiders can produce silk, an amazing substance that’s flexible yet strong, and very versatile– they often use it to weave wondrous webs they wander like wizards, detecting the faintest vibrations when an insect has been captured. Other spiders are ambush predators, and can chase prey down at great speeds. Whatever method a spider chooses, they are truly masters of the hunt.
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Scorpion (Order Scorpiones)
Behold, the scorpion! This dapper predator is an arachnid, which means it has eight legs and two body segments. Scorpions also have pinchers for grabbing prey and tails with venomous stingers. Fear not, however! Of the 2,000 or so scorpion species, while all are venomous, only a handful of about 25 or so have venom that is any real danger to humans. Even with those species, if you treat them with care, you should be safe and sound. The truth is, scorpions simply want to go about their lives, roaming around at night and finding insects to eat. They’re excellent hunters, and also excellent eaters! They can eat a great deal in one sitting and store food, so they can survive for long periods without food if needed. Scorpions are also caring parents. The females give live birth, carefully cradle their newborns, and then carry their babies on their backs. It’s honestly adorable.
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Tarantula (Family Theraphosidae)
I’m told that a lot of people fear this sublime arachnid, due to its imposing size and its many legs. But tarantulas are actually very gentle, easygoing spiders, overall. While they do have venomous bites, those bites usually aren’t any worse than a bee sting. In fact, you should be more careful about their urticating hairs– that is, itchy hairs on their abdomens that they will fling at predators that frighten them. If you don’t give the tarantula a reason to fear, though, then they will leave you alone too. Actually, quite a few people keep tarantulas as pets. They like to dine upon insects, although they’ll occasionally eat larger things, like frogs, mice and even birds. Tarantulas are very good at sneaking up on their prey because each of their legs are tipped with furry, adorable little paws, which help them climb and sense their prey. Eight little fluffy paws! That’s four times the adorableness that cats and dogs have!
This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Aug 13, 2020.
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