#Agoraphobia

[brain--rott]

everyone in the grocery store is my enemy

#ethan speaks #get tf outta my way #agoraphobia

[fairiencarnate]

Living with avoidant behaviours means that for you to see me and be able to judge me, good or bad, inherently it means I am trying. Maybe not by yours, but by my standards I am succeeding too.

I don't think people understand how earth shatteringly terrifying it is to look for new jobs or meet new people with a panic disorder or social phobia. It puts me in a mindset where I have to actively remind myself that ending my life to escape the perceived danger is counterproductive, I am that out of my mind with panic. I know it doesn't make sense but knowing that doesn't stop the visceral fear from being so real. I wish people knew I don't want to be this way and I am actively fighting against it at all times even when it looks to others like I'm hiding away. The fact that I am still here, the fact that I answer messages sometimes and visit my family, the fact that I apply for jobs and leave the house to run errands at all is testament to how hard I'm trying.

If I stopped trying and gave in to my default state I would be shrivelled and pasty, dehydrated and sick from being too numb to feed myself, curled half-conscious and unshowered in grimy bed sheets, covered in nervous-picking sores, popping pills or drinking myself into slumber. I would not speak to a soul, not even immediate family. I wouldn't post at all. You would not know I exist.

For you to see me and be able to judge me, inherently means I am trying. Because I'm here and I'm not just awake. I'm the scariest thing I can be - perceivable.

#personal #avpd #actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #chronic anxiety #anxiety disorder #social anxiety disorder #social phobia #agoraphobia

[the-unfortunate-ly]

06.23

#my photography #midwestern gothic #american gothic #dreamcore #liminalcore #liminal space #liminal photography #nostalgiacore #nostalgic #vintage #midwestern emo #surrealcore #midwest gothic #rural america #film photography #landscape #southern gothic #agoraphobia #liminal #rural gothic #small town gothic #photography #creepy #unsettling #dark #dark aesthetic #dissociation #sunset #sunrise #aesthetic

[bpdcrybaby213]

I feel like I was just thrown into life with absolutely no skills, no survivalism, very little functioning, little will to live and then expected to live a full functional life and be productive and healthy.

#bpd life #autistic adult #severe mental illness #actually agoraphobic #agoraphobia #anxiety disorder #executive dysfunction

[julcreates]

Kar'niss ✨️

#kar'niss #bg3 kar'niss #bg3 #baldurs gate fanart #baldurs gate 3 #my art #fan art #artists on tumblr #fanart #digital art #agoraphobia #eyes #drider #idk if theres any qarnings more i should tag #julcreates

[mynameis-a]

#:’3 #♡⊱a talks #meme #social phobia #agoraphobia #social anxiety #social anxiety disorder #generalized anxiety disorder #paranoia #actually paranoid

[lastsecondsquirrel]

I am so so tired of having the compassion for everyone else that they don't have for me

You're having a bad day? Let me pause my whole life so I can help you with that. Let me give you that book that is so so special to me knowing I won't be getting it back. Let me play along with your cruel jokes, tend to your wounds and carry you across the finish line

I'm having a bad day and I must apologize for feeling feelings in your direction I guess I should have tried harder but I'll see you next time you need something

#vent #rant #parentification #anxious avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #agoraphobia #personal vent #angry #emotional neglect #parentified child #compassion

[whered0weg0]

i enjoy going outside, ironically expressed by an agoraphobic. but it's the way it makes me feel grounded, connected to reality, rather than removed from everything. outside is where i should be, not in here... i enjoy seeing people and how human they are. it's the way people trip on the cracked sidewalk, with no one correcting them as their friends ask whether they're all right. as they tell their friends to look for a table while waiting in line. a mother holds her child's hand so that they do not get lost. students went home together. couples explore antique shops. people snap images to preserve memories. all of this can be me, experienced by me but all of me is trapped inside this toilet cubicle. waiting for the worst to happen and then it happens — i vomit, and vomit, and vomit. what am i? what if i am incapable of having human experiences?

#vent #diary #will to live? #i want to live #agoraphobia

[apoemaday]

Agoraphobia

by Linda Pastan

"Yesterday the bird of night did sit, Even at noon-day, upon the marketplace, Hooting and shrieking." —William Shakespeare

1.

Imagine waking to a scene of snow so new    not even memories of other snow can mar its silken surface. What other innocence    is quite like this, and who can blame me for refusing to violate such whiteness with the booted cruelty of tracks?

2.

Though I cannot leave this house,    I have memorized the view from every window— 23 framed landscapes, containing    each nuance of weather and light.    And I know the measure of every room, not as a prisoner    pacing a cell but as the embryo knows the walls of the womb, free to swim as its body tells it, to nudge    the softly fleshed walls, dreading only the moment of contraction when it will be forced    into the gaudy world.

3.

Sometimes I travel as far as the last stone of the path, but every step, as in the children's story, pricks that tender place on the bottom of the foot, and like an ebbing tide with all the obsession of the moon behind it,    I am dragged back.

4.

I have noticed in windy fall how leaves are torn from the trees,    each leaf waving goodbye to the oak    or the poplar that housed it; how the moon, pinned to the very center of the window, is like a moth wanting only to break in.    What I mean is this house follows all the laws of lintel and ridgepole,    obeys the commandments of broom    and of needle, custom and grace. It is not fear that holds me here but passion    and the uncrossable moat of moonlight    outside the bolted doors.

#poetry #linda pastan #agoraphobia

[justabipolarprincess]

#mental illness #mental health #actuallymentallyill #actuallybipolar #actually schizophrenic #bpd #agoraphobia #schizoaffective #social anxiety

[the-unfortunate-ly]

02.21.24

#my photography #midwestern gothic #american gothic #dreamcore #liminalcore #liminal space #oddcore #weirdcore #liminal photography #nostalgiacore #nostalgic #vintage #midwestern emo #surrealcore #midwest gothic #rural america #film photography #landscape #southern gothic #agoraphobia #liminal #rural gothic #small town gothic #photography #creepy #unsettling #dark #dark aesthetic #dereality #dissociation