#And I know I wouldn't be able to do online without a physical place to study (like one of those 3rd spaces?)

[selvepnea]

I can't believe how much thought I'm putting into the idea of going to canada for collage

#Sel talks #My brain did a big chain reaction of ms. Hollow_tones (streamer/canadian) saying she paid in the low hundreds for her tuition and #Another of my streamers mentioning going to Japan to study. And the minimum wage in Quebec us like 15.25 (about 30.000 yearly) and tuition #Now is like 15.000 for a year and cost of living us like also around 15.000 and I could apply for a work permit (though realistically I #Wouldn't be able to do full-time work and study and I doubt they'd let me apply for a student visa as a part time student) #Hhhhhhh #It's v v rough idea but it at least gives me some sort of direction #Possibly #Like I know I want to go back to school but I know I cannot do full time work and school here in the states especially as an adult #And I know I wouldn't be able to do online without a physical place to study (like one of those 3rd spaces?) #So like my only options here in the states as an “independent” would be going to my local collage (gross) while living w my parents #Or seeing about some online classes (ick) #My brain is full and I'm staying up far too late u_u

[samwisethewitch]

Something I do grieve a little bit, especially as I study queer history and connect deeper with queer ancestors, is that the LGBTQ+ community is now almost entirely online and/or only at big events like Pride. It feels like as queerness becomes most accepted in the mainstream (which is a good thing!!!) there are fewer and fewer physical spaces that are explicitly dedicated to supporting, protecting, and celebrating queer identities. And even when there are physical spaces set aside for us, fewer and fewer young queer people are choosing to engage them.

Like, I know intentional communities are more associated with leftism and environmentalism now, but that used to be the only real option for openly queer people. When it was legal for landlords to evict you and for employers to fire you because you were gay, or a lesbian, or transgender, banding together was the only way to survive. If someone owned property or benefited from generational wealth, they opened their home to people in the community who needed a place to stay. People who were able-bodied enough to work went to work (and a lot of them were sex workers, and that's an important part of our history). People who couldn't work helped out in whatever way they could, and a lot of queer political organization was done by disabled and mentally ill folks who were out of work, or who were working and organizing while being sick.

Queer people created parallel social structures when the mainstream system wouldn't let them participate. The queer community birthed its own spiritual leaders, its own healers, its own philosophers, its own bodyguards and protectors. If someone had a need, someone else probably had the skills or resources to help.

I think a lot of us have forgotten that there would have been no Stonewall, no GLF, no AIDS activism without those webs of community support and organization formed out of necessity. Stonewall happened because the queer community in Greenwich Village in the 1960s was united under oppression and already had the systems in place necessary for organizing. The reason we have gay rights now (such as they are) is because our queer elders chose to take care of each other. And it does make me deeply sad that we seem to have abandoned that tradition of community-building in the last couple of decades.

#and yes i do think not having these systems in place is going to come back to bite us #now that conservatives in the US are pushing to revoke civil rights for queer folks #queer history #lgbtq history #stonewall #gay liberation front #aids activism #act up #intentional community #my writing #mine #queer #lgbtq+

[roseillith]

Pls don’t hurt yourself. Deleting a blog is one thing but pls don’t hurt yourself. So sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. You put so much joy and beauty into the world via this blog im one of many recipients of that and no matter how you feel you look like externally, i and many others get a chance to see your soul and it’s beautiful, expansive, smart, inspirational and full of humour! As a black person I also sometimes feel alienated and off key when my fam speak ga of twi around me and yet haven’t taught me, sometimes I feel so disconnected from everyone and feel like I’m floating away with nothing to hold me, no anchor to any sort of real meaningful life. Betrayal from friends or from love, broken heartedness, loneliness strike but still there is a lil bit of light, there is the wind blowing on my face, a glass of water, a favourite song, some sun. There are small joys that remind us we are not alone. And You are not alone and I hope that one day soon you receive all the joy light and good energy you put into this harsh world. Pls don’t give up. We love you, keep your head up

tyvm I appreciate your message deeply, I feel a constant push n pull whenever I log on & post on here, the things that I’ve posted recently (including this) has made feel ashamed in that I have spilled out all of my thoughts n feelings out on this public platform, the same place that I’ve been constructing as way to separate my physical& literal self and run towards things that I have stored inside me, all of the stuff the I carry along with me whenever I’m out in public, that I know I can’t share w/ any nigga that I know out there instead I try to avert my eyes from all other dudes out there cuz I know I don’t fit in and feel physically gross when I’m around w/ a bunch of dudes, me failing to be a man in general and avoid man-to-man convos irl and instead retreating those inner stuff into the girl that I want to be, the kind of girl where I know I can apply all the totality of myself out there into the world.

Now I’m just staring at this public persona that I have made of myself feeling increasingly distant day-to-day and I wonder why I put all my all into this blog w/ gifs,pics,anime stuff, film stuff, music stuff etc. when I can’t muster up the courage to talk about all that shit outside out aloud without having to be disgusted from hearing the sound of my voice or/and how the person/s I’m saying it to is even viewing me physically & as a person/“grown up man” having the courage to go out and transition to the girl that I can see in the distance.

The one rule I had when making this blog was to never spill out my personal shit of actually being a man irl who’s found solace and significant more ease in being a woman online cuz I know that if I ever did that it would be embarrassing & the end for me personally, I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye, all the shit that I had posted on here it all being a lie to me, and worse of all I never really took in any support from anyone else here I had this lone wolf-esque mentality where I always try and not get close to anybody I was mutuals w/, never share anything abt my personal shit, always looking through the window seeing other ppl chill with others, and when I look at myself on here I’m feel still as alone as I do irl & tbh much of it is my fault from not being able to put myself out there and feeling disassociated from myself in whatever I do on here and irl

#answered #txt

[ts-witchy-archive]

Hello! I've seen a bit of wiccan (?) things for a while, if I were to start I wouldn't even know how to start though. (my autistic ass does not leave the house and my mom would probably think it's weird to make strange concoctions of things) I also don't really know how deities work and how do you find out which one your communicating with? Tbh I've always felt like someone is around but whatever god it is seriously fucking hates me /hj Been better since I started medication but like the luck I have is 50/50 good bad and that is probably not normal. If you answer this it'd be very helpful.

Hi! Thanks for the ask!

I just want to start by defining a few terms for you :)

Wicca/Wiccan: A pagan religion that focuses on nature, magic and witchcraft. It was founded in the mid 20th century and Wiccans primarily worship 2 Gods which are personifications of nature.

Witch: Just a person who practices witchcraft. It's a non-gendered term and a non-religious term/practice. Not all witches are Wiccan but all Wiccans are witches. Witches can be absolutely anyone

Personally, I'm not Wiccan so I can't really tell you much about that but if there is one thing I know, it's witchcraft! There are many different places to start but I'm going to condense it down as much as humanly possible. It'll probably feel like a bit of information overload so just try to take it slow and relax. Enjoy the learning.

My favourite book for beginner witchcraft is 'Witchery: Embrace the Witch Within' by Juliet Diaz. She is a fantastic author and wonderful human. Everything about the basics of witchcraft you could need is in that book (imo). You should be able to find a pdf online if you can't get a physical copy.

As for youtube channels with solid content:

Harmony Nice: She covers everything Wicca. She has a playlist with all her Wiccan/witchy content witch is linked here

The Witch of Wonderlust: Olivia has been a favourite witchy youtuber of mine for a while. I wouldn't recommend jumping into her videos without any prior knowledge but once you have a grasp on the bare bones it should be okay. Here is a playlist she made with everything you could possibly need when beginning witchcraft. SOrt through the videos and see what peeks your interest.

The Hearth Witch: Another wonderful account if I remember correctly. Her videos used to be on the longer end (30-60mins) so if you have a short attention span then maybe not but she has a wealth of information.

I also recommend joining a few discord servers, following a few pages on tumblr just to get acquainted with the community and terminology.

Okay, on to the deity work situation. Deity work is generally considered more intermediate in the witchcraft community. key words being 'Deity WORK'. Worship is completely fair game. Setting up an altar, praying, leaving offerings, doing activities in devotion to the deity is absolutely something you can do relatively quickly.

As for IDing a deity, most people do it through 'divination' which is things like tarot, a pendulum, dice, bone throwing, and other ways. Most people also ask for signs that a specific deity is 'reaching out' to them or wants them to pay attention. You can also politely ask someone who is volunteering their time on tumblr or a discord server to find out for you via divination. If they don't say their doing free readings, obviously, don't ask.

Finally. luck is luck. It makes no sense for a literal God to hate a human. We all have periods of shitty luck and awesome luck! I wouldn't blame that on anything. Sometimes bad things just happen unfortunately. But sometimes amazing things also happen, even if it's just as small is finding 5 cents on the footpath.

That was so long. Congrats if you made it to the end because I nearly didn't when writing this. I hope this helped a bit. Feel free to reach out if you need a hand with anything. Thanks :)

#witchblr #witchcraft #paganism #hellenic polytheism #witch #pagan witch #hellenic pagan #witches #baby witch #beginner witch #new witch

[autistichalsin]

hello, i'm the anon who shared about my creepy coworker and old boss. i'm sorry for the word vomit earlier, all i wanted was to say how halsin makes me feel safe to say 'no' without fear of getting lashed out.

...but my mind went haywire, all the feelings and memories i held deep inside broke the proverbial dam securing it in place.

i appreciate everything you said, i truly do. i cried so much tears i never bothered to shed for the longest time, just letting everything go. it scared me, acknowledging the reality and all the emotions attached to that incident.

for once i am finally seen and heard, and i feel a little better... yet of course i know i wouldn't be able to truly move on unless i go to therapy.

unfortunately where i'm from, it's a little expensive to seek therapy for things like this, and there's a lot of stigma towards individuals seeking help/counseling and even talks of mental health itself.

i could never confide any of this horrors to my parents, my childhood home isn't a safe place. my own mother always had scathing words towards people who aren't mentally sound. she'd never understand me, and with how she speaks ill about others in unfortunate situations, i'm sure they'll blame me too just like how my old boss blamed me for the misfortune that happened to me.

perhaps someday i could step forward, go to therapy and unpack all this baggage to truly heal...

...for now i'll just enjoy the moment where i get to imagine Halsin being so kind and understanding towards me. a little solace and safe haven for my heart and mind.

again, thank you so much for being a safe space to share my little obsession with Halsin and for everything else. i look forward to reading more of your Halsin analysis, your headcannons and fanfics, it's always a joy seeing you around here.

[i word vomited again, i'm sorry.]

Hello again, anon! First of all, this is for you and for anyone else who might be reading: when I said my inbox and DMs were open for anyone who needed to talk, I meant it. (Yes, that goes for you, whoever is reading this and thinking I don't mean you. I mean you too.) I have gotten such an insane amount of kindness from this community- more than anything, I want to repay it. Both because it's the right thing to do, and because it's the Halsin thing to do. (Well, and for one other reason, but honestly that's another post, I don't want to derail your ask.) All that to say: you have nothing to apologize for, word vomit or not. I said my inbox was open, and you needed someone to talk to, and I'm so happy that you trusted me with this.

I'm sorry you had to have that moment alone. That moment of letting go is such a scary thing, and I'm so angry that everyone in your real life isn't being what you need. You deserve to have someone there to take care of you while this happening, and I'm so sorry you don't.

Therapy is important, but it isn't hopeless without therapy. There are ways around it. For example, here's a fun fact that I know because I'm studying to be an epidemiologist, and mental health epidemiology is a big interest of mine. Did you know that when you do statistical studies on who develops PTSD after trauma, one of the biggest protective factors- things that makes it less likely- is having a strong support system from friends and loved ones? Like, we can literally quantify this with numbers. Having friends and family around makes it less likely to develop PTSD. It is never too late to build that support system, and if you're in a place where mental health is stigmatized, well... that's the great thing about making online friends. It may not change what happened, or the environment you physically live in, but it can give you a place where you can be heard. And that can help you a lot more than you would think. If you can't get therapy, it's not hopeless; it just means you do the work of healing differently.

I'm sorry your family isn't safe to be with. But there are people out there, in this community and otherwise, who are. It's not hopeless. And just know that you deserve better than being blamed for this by people you love and trust.

I hope that one day you can have therapy and the healing you deserve, but until then, just know that Halsin is on your side and rooting for you, and so are those of us who also love this character. We all want you to heal- and we would all happily shank the bastard who hurt you given a chance.

I am glad I could be safe for you, and thank you so much for your kind words. They truly mean everything for me.

And you never, ever have to apologize for "word vomiting", friend. Let it all out. If my inbox is the only place you have that you feel safe to do it, then I am gonna take that seriously and I want to hear every word! I don't always have the right things to say, but I can always "listen", and who knows? Maybe someone else will read this and have something to say too.

I may not be able to change how shitty the world treated you, but the least I can do is give you one place where you can be treated with the dignity and kindness you deserve.

[bittersweetblasphemy]

what made you decide to have a go at making zines, and how did you find the process? fun? frustrating? new hobby unlocked?

it's been a lot of fun and is super satisfying to hold a finished booklet in my hand. new hobby unlocked for sure.

in fact i'm going to ramble about it under the cut.

i'd been looking into on and off for over a year, and, frankly, i've been going slowly mad at having normal levels of focus and productivity dangled in front of me, only to be snatched away AND put on bed rest without even jacking off as an outlet.

i did a bunch of painting, but i've run out of canvases and focus. and while i really wanna sculpt, 1) i just haven't gotten my brain to switch to that track, 2) i've only just recently been able to tolerate standing at my usual work counter again, 3) having a small child who wants to mirror everything i do is fun when i'm physically able to handle it, but i am not physically able to handle it. i can do a craft myself OR i can set them up with supervised craft time. not both.

that leaves my writing, but i haven't been able to focus enough to write. so what to do with all my old stuff? may as well take that last leap into making zines! it's also an excuse for me to break out my drawing tablet to make cover art (i'm not good but they're small and it adds to the charm i think).

overall it's been shockingly easy. the hardest part was making a format template, but once i had that figured out i was set. i conveniently already had a laser printer, and considering i can't go anywhere (like a place with a public printer) i wouldn't have been able to do this otherwise.

the most expensive thing i had to buy for this was a nice paper cutter, which was $24. it honestly wasn't necessary. i could have just folded the paper or cut them with scissors, but imo it really goes a long way in making them look nice. i also have a long reach stapler that's made for making booklets and magazines coming in that will be really nice for putting them together neatly and consistently.

i still dont know what i'm going to do with them tbh. i have some friends that are gonna get free copies of their favs, and at least the poetry one i'm going to have out if i'm able to do the craft fairs this year (fuck me i hope i'm better by then), but i need to see what kind of stuff they allow. even if they allow sexually explicit material, i'll probably still leave stories like Red Hot at home.

i could do an online shop for the rest, but i'm not sure where. i already have a kofi account for commissions, and they have a shop feature, but at the same time they say in their TOS they don't allow any form of sexually explicit material. and last i heard about etsy they were being shitty about charging for advertising you didn't opt into. so i'd need to do more research into that.

say what you want about whether or not i should be able to make a profit off of little homemade porn booklets, but i'd at least need enough money to buy the toner for my printer by the time i ran out, which is hella expensive. i think back when i got this thing it was like $70 a pop. it lasts a lot longer than ink but it's more expensive up front.

#madax answers #rambling about zines

[zebulontheplanet]

hi, im the support needs anon again. im gonna sign my asks with a bunny emoji so you can keep track of which asks are from me & which are from other people.

so, im not too sure whether im low support needs or medium support needs. i guess this is partly because a lot of online places seem to think LSN means no support needs. i looked up a chart of IADLs & ADLs. i have trouble with most IADLs. im turning 19 next month but i cant manage my own schedule, i cant manage my finances, i cant drive, i cant prepare or cook food, & i often forget my medications. i can walk, eat, use the bathroom by myself, get dressed, & bathe without help. the hard part is that i just don't, like a mental block. it's probably a mix of depression & executive dysfunction. i cant even be bothered to brush my hair or teeth most days. it's so stressful that there are so many things i have to do all the time just to exist, it's overwhelming.

so in short im physically capable of my ADLs, but there's a mental hurdle that makes it difficult for me. i can't handle IADLs at all. i know that if i tried to be independent, i wouldn't last long because i wouldn't feed myself, clean myself, wash my clothes, wash the dishes, pay the bills, or keep things tidy even if my parents paid for everything & i didnt have to get a job. i cant tell if that sounds more like LSN or MSN.

thank you for reading - 🐇

Hello! Just a reminder that I’m just a stranger on the internet so I can’t say exactly what your support needs are. However, lower support needs doesn’t mean no support needs, you’re 100% right. There are plenty of lower support needs individuals who can’t drive, who can’t work, who can’t do many things that people would consider lower support needs people to be able to do.

Personally, a good rule of thumb is that MSN means you aren’t able to do all or most IADLs and some bADLs. If you’re able to not do bADLs for whatever reason, wether that be autism, another disability, or even executive dysfunction, that’s still valid.

Honestly, to me, it sounds like you could be in the middle. Low-medium support needs is a thing and if you think that label fits you then go ahead, just remember that it’s ok to not know. You do still sound like you’re lower support needs to me but struggle with bADLs, bordering medium.

I hope this helps!

#zebrambles #autism #support needs #long post

[dianalolihikki]

Hey!💜

I was at my local physical therapy session today with E. Nothing new or important happened.

A small Chinese take-out recently opened in our small town.

It's the first Chinese restaurant in our town.

E wanted to order something for us, but there were so many customers that our order simply wasn't taken, because they wouldn't have made it to the end of my session at E's.

No problem, we'll order something next time. On Tuesday we will go out for a walk where there will be a lot of stairs.

💮💮💮💮

I will most likely have an additional physiotherapist.

To have physiotherapy with E. I have to raise money for it.

The new physiotherapist will provide me with services under the state program.

I am entitled to 80 hours per year. The physical therapy will take place in my home.

Apparently, this physical therapist is good at his job. He was recommended by my mother's friend. Apparently, this physical therapist really enjoys working with patients who have neurological disabilities.

He cares about me being his patient,because he wants to help me get all the paperwork done.

Nevertheless, I am still uncertain about the idea. I used to have state physical therapy.

My former physical therapist himself said he didn't know anything about cerebral palsy.

For that he had a stupid sense of humor. Jokes like "Why are you so sad? Did someone shit in your tea?" were a daily routine.

He also constantly commented on the mess in my room.

Nevertheless, perhaps I will give it a try.

A long-time online friend of mine (Let's call her N) who also has cerebral palsy has been receiving state physiotherapy for three years and is making great progress.

I described the whole situation to A on messenger, but she has not yet replied.

💮💮💮💮

I had an argument with my younger brother today.

If an argument in general can be called that he shouted at me,and I just sat and listened.

I can't do otherwise when someone wants to argue with me.

The argument was about what a terrible person I am. My brother had quite reasonable arguments, but I feel that if he had insight into my head he would have thought differently about all this.

Yes, I am not able to carry a plate to the kitchen.

Yes, I need help getting to the toilet.

Yes, I do not get involved in arguments between my parents about my father's alcoholism

Yes, I often don't want to go out.

Yes, I am not the best sister.

Yes, I am not the best daughter.

Quite possibly my brother may be right, but something inside me screams that his opinion is unfair, despite my difficult personality.

This wasn't the first time he said such things to me.

I once told J and A about it, and they both said that my family views me unfairly. According to J and A, my family wants me to meet the standards created for people without disabilities,which is not possible in my case.

💮💮💮💮

Okay, I'm done for the day. There are still snacks waiting for me brought by my younger brother's girlfriend. I don't know if I will swallow them,my tactile hypersensitivity says no, but I also don't want to make her uncomfortable.

And I apologize to you for the long post!

Today I was playing with AI and creating posters of a Jpop female band I made up.

I'll leave one of the posters here!

#cerebral palsy #neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #physically disabled #hikikomori #ableism #cerebral palsy awareness #diary #diary entry #long reads #long post #ai art #ai image #ai generated #japancore #actually neurodivergent #physical disability #physical therapy #physical therapist

[ippid]

Finding Passion - Kylian Mbappé

Chapter – 1

It was getting harder for me to pretend my joints weren't killing me, and I had to actually drag myself out of bed. I always wake up early because I'm motivated the day before to work out, and then I lay in my bed for what feels like seconds but is actually an hour or three. It's a bad habit I'm trying to get rid of without the trying part.

Meaning, I'm thinking about how much I need to do it and then actually not doing it.

Also, a bad habit.

Lately, I've been feeling more and more restless. I'm 19 years old, and I feel like I'm dead inside.

I'm not depressed or anything. Don't have any crazy stories to tell. I don't have any character-building traumas in my past or anything that would make me a person of interest in the slightest. But I'm feeling dead inside because my life is just so damn boring. Nothing ever happens, and I'm living in this stupid cycle where I feel like I'm never moving forward. I'm not accomplishing anything special in life, and I'm not making any crazy money either. I still live at home with my parents, and I've quit two of my previous attempts at college.

My parents are definitely disappointed in a failure like me. I just know it. I know my parents love me a lot, and they treat me well and support me and everything, but I can just tell they're disappointed because I'm not doing anything with my life.

I never wanted to be this way, but I can't help it. Not only that, but I see everyone around me moving forward with their lives. Buying cars and getting their degrees and jobs. I can see everybody enjoying life and then there's me who is just stuck in one place.

As I said, I can't help it. I get distracted easily and I lose motivation fast. The only thing I do basically all day long is search the internet for fan fiction and other interesting stuff that holds my attention but doesn't benefit me in any way. Or listen to music.

It wasn't always like this, though. Back in high school, I was still good. Everything was fine. I didn't have to do much for a good grade, and I knew I was a smart girl. I was good at a lot of things. Math, science, physics, languages, you name it and I could do it without having to kill myself to understand all the information. I was very proud of this fact, to be honest. I thought I was good and wouldn't really struggle much when I graduated.

That was a lie.

After I graduated and applied for college, I thought I would be interested in becoming an Architect. So I signed up and because it was the first year that everybody had to deal with Covid-19, the courses were hectic and everything became too much, too fast, and I couldn't keep up. I had always hated online learning anyway. The information just doesn't register. It feels like I'm watching a tutorial instead of a lecture. I kept putting things off and in the end, I missed the deadlines and felt like I couldn't do it anymore.

So I dropped out.

I lost interest, and I didn't think it was worth fighting for something I was probably not even going to enjoy doing in the future.

Back then, I didn't stress much. I was freshly 18, and I felt like I was still young, and I could explore my interests better.

So I signed up for a different field of study. I went and decided I could probably handle ICT. Wanted to become a software engineer, so I could make a lot of money and travel without having to go to work every day from 9 to 5. I thought it was a great idea and I would probably be able to do it.

I guess not.

Like the time before, these were still online courses and the material was just too complex for me to understand anything on a deeper level without real face-to-face explanations.

I realized some things then.

1. I don't do good without confrontation. In high school, I went to class and the teacher called you out if you had to answer something, and you just had to know these things if you didn't want to look like a dumb fool. So you studied and took in the information that was provided for you and everything was just easy. Here, you don't have anybody coddling you. You have to do everything yourself, and I am very bad at that. I always think I have more time than I actually do and end up procrastinating so much that I actually miss the damn deadlines.

2. I can't do something I'm not interested in because I will never find the motivation to actually research and do everything that is necessary to pass these college courses when I'm not even interested.

3. I really, really needed to search and find what I wanted to do, and what interests me because I can't keep starting up an education and then dropping out.

Not only that, but I think I will end up actually killing my parents if I do that. My mom's been feeling sick lately. Burnt out and tired. They had me pretty late, and my parents are definitely getting old. So I feel like every time I do something to upset them, or don't do something, I suppose, it weighs them down way more than it normally would or should.

Even with these realizations, I haven't gotten really far.

I just know I don't want a job where I need to think overly much and do paperwork all day. I want something creative and fun with variety. Something I won't get tired of. Something with lots of opportunities and where I can learn more without it feeling like a damn burden.

I've always been good at crafting, drawing, and fixing stuff. I like that a lot, so I've thought about doing something in that area, but I still have no clue what. I wanted to try photography. That's also something I'm very interested in since I've always been the designated photographer for people. But if I do that, then I want to be a photographer for sports or idols. Preferably, for K-pop idols. One of the things I enjoy the most.

I wasn't going to come to a decision right now, though, so I would just have to get up and try to help my mom in the house.

I never actually go outside if I don't have to. My parents have tried to get me to go out, so I could do something, but it's always a temporary thing, and it rarely comes from me personally. So I try to at least help as much as I can around the house.

I've never been a party animal. In fact, I've never been to any parties before, except maybe in middle school a couple of times. I have 2 or 3 friends that I snap with occasionally and one best friend who I almost never see.

I finally drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before anything else.

My hair is a mess, and I try to rectify that with a bit of water after removing it from the bun it was supposed to be in and retying it in a ponytail. It always looks short. My hair doesn't grow fast and with it being so curly, I never really notice any differences in length unless I straighten my hair.

After I'm done with that, I tidy up my room a bit and head downstairs to greet my parents. I find my mom in the kitchen making coffee and my dad sitting at the table with some toast and a newspaper in front of him.

I know, and I told you, my parents are old. I greet him and walk up to my mom to kiss her on the cheek. ''Good morning mom.''

''Good morning sweetheart.'' My mom says, smiling at me. That's new, she's not usually smiling this early in the morning. ''What's up mom?'' I say. ''Why are you smiling like that?''

She brings the coffee to the table and sits down next to my dad before turning to me. "We have something to tell you, honey."

Okay, now I'm even more curious. ''We're going to go on a little vacation, and we want you to come with us.'' Oh. Well, I wasn't expecting that, but I'm definitely not complaining. ''Wow, mom, where to?'' I ask ''And how long?''

''Well, we were thinking about going to Paris for a week. It's not that far from here, so we don't have to go by plane. We can take the train.'' She said. I thought about it for a second while taking a seat at the table.

Like I said before, I never really go out and have fun, but I did always have the desire to travel. We live in the Netherlands, Amsterdam, and I have never been to Paris before. Which is crazy. I heard amazing things about Paris, of course. And it didn't hurt that a lot of people moved there for their studies, so maybe with this little vacation, I can at least find some inspiration as to what I want to do in life.

With that, I made up my mind. ''That's great mom! I've always wanted to go there.'' I say ''When are we leaving?''

My parents look at each other and smile. I could see I made them happy with my enthusiastic answer. They've been a bit more insistent that I have fun in the last couple of weeks. So my agreement is probably a relief for them. I can feel that familiar pang of guilt again. They really do deserve so much better than me. I've got to get my shit together.

I try not to let it get to me while I wait to hear when we're leaving.

My dad is the one that answers after looking over at me, ''We're leaving early in the morning this coming Friday, and we'll stay there for 8 nights. We'll return Saturday evening. Make sure you're packed and ready to go on Thursday, kiddo.'' Wow, I hadn't thought we'd be leaving so soon.

It's Tuesday today, so I don't have much time left till we leave. But that doesn't even matter because it's not like I take forever to get ready. I only have to pack clothes.

The more I think about it the more excited I become. I smile to myself and look over at my parents ''Alright, I'm really excited about this! I'm going to let Jess know!'' I say while getting up, ready to run back to my room and phone, so I could text my best friend to let her know.

''Not so fast kiddo, breakfast first!'' My dad says, making me turn around and sit back down quickly.

My parents laugh while I speed through my breakfast, and once I'm done, I quickly kiss both of them on the cheek before sprinting upstairs, ready to tell Jess the news.

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A/N

Word count :  1875 words

#kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe #kylian x reader #paris saint germain #mbappe psg #football #soccer #football x reader #paris #kylian mbappe imagine #imagine #x reader #kyky #kyks

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #189

　Layer 1: The Basics Name: Brittany Age: 27 Birthday: February 5th Gender: Female Zodiac sign: Aquarius

　Layer 2: Your Family Do you have any brothers or sisters? Two full-blooded sisters, one half-brother, two half-sisters I know, and another that I've never met, so I don't REALLY consider her my "sister," I guess. Do you have any pets? A cat, snake, and dog. Do you still live with your parents? I live with my mom. Do you have any stepparents? My dad remarried, so technically yeah. How many cousins do you have? Oh hell if I know.

　Layer 3: Your Friends Who is your best friend? My boyfriend and mother. Who have you been friends with the longest? That I still really associate with, Summer. What do you like to do with your friends? Admittedly I don't do much with friends that aren't my boyfriend, but I LIKE doing lots of stuff with such people. I like just spending time together, going out doing fun stuff, or things at each other's houses. Do you have more friends online or in real life? Oh, easily online. I'm generally closer to those online friends, too. I find it way, way easier to be myself online.

　Layer 4: Your Home Do you live in a home, apartment, duplex, trailer, etc? A normal, one-storied house. How many rooms are there in your house? The living room, kitchen, and dining area are what I consider one room, just with the fireplace area forming a divider, so six-ish, if you count the master bedroom bathroom as its own room. Is your home large or small? It's larger than what we need. This house just worked because it was basically given to us as the former resident's death wish. If our landlord wasn't who it is we wouldn't be able to afford its proper rent. What is your favorite room in your house, and why? I dunno, honestly. Do you prefer having people over to your house, or would you rather go to theirs? I prefer to visit other people's places because I'm a very awkward host that doesn't know what to do with guests.

　Layer 5: Can you... Can you fold your tongue into the taco shape? Yeah. Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? I USED to be able to hug the soles of my feet, but I haven't tried this in a very long time. With my current shape though, it's definitely doubtful. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? No. Can you hold up your end of a physical fight? Oh there's no way. Can you do any yo-yo tricks? Not that I know of.

　Layer 6: Who Who inspires you the most, and why? Girt. I want to be a better person for him specifically. I want to be a partner that's worth being with. My mom is also very noteworthy; I want to make her proud. Who helps you maintain your sanity? Girt, Mom, friends, YouTubers that will never know I exist lmao. Who do you go to most often for advice? Mom or Girt, depending on the topic. Who knows you better than you know yourself? My mom. Who is someone that you would die or put your life on the line for, no questions asked? Girt, my mom, siblings, my nieces and nephew, my closest friends... honestly, a whole lot of people. It's not very hard to get on this list.

　Layer 7: Do you... Do you still eat sandwiches without the crusts? I've always eaten mine with the crust intact. I've always just eaten in first since it's my least favorite part of the sandwich, but I still like it. Do you typically finish your meal at a restaurant, or need to take a container home? I will usually finish my stuff, or leave very little left. Do you pull an Oreo apart in order to eat it? Sometimes; it depends on if I have milk to dip or not. Do you read a lot of gossip magazines? I never have. Do you make friends easily? No, I'm way too quiet and reclusive. I don't put myself out there.

　Layer 8: How Many? How many people live in your house with you? Just my mom. How many pets have you had in your lifetime? Too many to count, mainly cats. How many meals do you eat a day? Two or three.

　Layer 9: How How do you typically get to school or work? I don't have either, but in the past, my mom's driven me. How do you deal with a breakup? OH HUNNY YOU DON'T WANT MY ADVICE HERE LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO How do you like to help others? I enjoy listening to others and being a source of comfort. I don't have much else to offer; I can't lend money or a car or stuff like that, but you can bet I'll be there to listen to what's on your mind, give advice if desired and I feel I have any, and give hugs. How do you sleep in bed? I normally have one leg pulled upwards at an angle, and I'm primarily on my stomach/kinda side.

　Layer 10: What What do you think happens when we die? I don't know; I've tried to find a personal answer I believe for most of my life, but I've accepted in recent years I'm just not gonna know 'til I get there. I DO know I believe in the human spirit, and I lean towards us having some sort of existence after death, but I have absolutely zero idea what that existence is like. Maybe heavenly, maybe we just exist as roaming souls that are barely even cognisant of their past, who knows. I'm not exhausting myself trying to figure it out while I'm alive. What toys did you enjoy most as a child? Mostly plastic animals and dinosaurs. I know I liked things that lit up, but I think that's a very normal kid thing, lol. What do you do if you witness someone being awful to someone else? I'd say this depends greatly. In most cases I can think up though, I'd speak up, or call someone with authority.

　Layer 11: Where Where is your favorite place to eat out? As far as fast food goes, probably Sonic, but if you're including sit-down restaurants, Olive Garden or The Cheesecake Factory. Where is the place that has the best ice cream in your area? Idk. Where did you meet your current or last significant other? High school band class. Where can you be found at 7 PM., typically? Here at home, in the spare room on the laptop. Where can you find the best French fries? Either Bojangle's or McDonald's, depends on what I'm up for. Bojangle's has a specific seasoning, McD's is just good simple fries.

　Layer 12: When When did you find out the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy? I dunno, I'd assume the normal age to tell kids this stuff. When do you typically fall asleep? oh this varies WAY too much, I have serious problems falling asleep. When was the last time that someone paid you a compliment? I don't know. When do you feel most comfortable? When I'm at home alone.

　Layer 13: Why Why do you enjoy taking surveys so much? It passes time, but just as importantly is I've found it's therapeutic and help me arrange my feelings and thoughts. Why aren’t you doing something else right now? I don't feel like it right now.

　Layer 14: If... If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on? Buy my mom a new car, her own house, probably a place for Girt and me, do some charity donations, then I'd have to see what's left, I don't even know how much your average car or house costs lol. If you found out someone was cheating on you, would you ever take them back? Nope. If you found a wallet with cash in the street, including identification, would you turn it in? Why or why not? Yes, the guilt would eat me alive otherwise. They might need that money just as much as or even more than I do. If you could have any food right now, what would you like? I've been craving a double chocolate cake super bad lately and it's kinda driving me insane lol If you found out that the world was going to end tomorrow, how would you spend your last day? With my family and Girt's.

　Layer 15: Firsts When did you lose your first tooth? You expect me to remember? lol Who was your first teacher that you ever had? Mrs. Makeel or something like that. When did you first learn how to ride a bike? I dunno, the normal age. When was the first time you had sex? I still haven't had proper sex. I started doing sexual stuff at like, 16. Did your first birthday have a theme to it? I dunno.

　Layer 16: Lasts Last person you texted: My ma. Last drink you sipped: Flavored water. Last time you rode a bike: Oh, it's been years. I used to LOVE doing this, though. I'd often grab my iPod and go out riding down our path after school for quite a while. Last time you swam in a pool: Around two months ago, when Ma and I went to a friend's place. Last person you hugged: Girt.

　Layer 17: Favorites Favorite color: Pink, specifically lighter shades. Favorite season: Autumn. Favorite shape: Out of the very basic ones, circles. I think they're satisfying to look at. Favorite letter: I guess maybe "z." Favorite number: 13, I guess.

　Layer 18: This or That Pepsi or Coke? Coke, I don't like Pepsi. Movies or television? Idk, I guess it depends on what it is. Phone or tablet? Honestly, I've never really used a tablet. Fruits or vegetables? Fruits. Animals or humans? Animals, of course.

　Layer 19: Which Which Pokemon is your favorite? Ninetales, Espeon, and Houndoom. Which day of the week is your favorite? I don't have one. Which birthday celebration was the most memorable for you? 16th, and not for good reasons. Which holiday is your favorite? Halloween aesthetically, but I enjoy the experience of Christmas more. Which shoe do you put on first? idk

　Layer 20: Love Life/Relationships1 What is the name of your first love? Jason. How many times can you honestly say you’ve been in love? Twice. Have you ever been in a relationship before that was abusive in any way? No. Have you ever been engaged or married before? No. Do you have any children? No.

　Layer 21: Jobs, Dreams, & Goals What did you want to be when you grew up (as a little kid)? A paleontologist was my first career goal. What do you aspire to be now? What interests you? A nature/wildlife photographer. Art interests me. What is the most recent goal you’ve achieved? A milestone in my legs healing, I suppose. What is a goal you are still striving to reach? To actually make money from my photography. Have you ever won any sort of awards before? If so, for what? Yeah, various academic stuff as well as sports involvement as a kid.

　Layer 22: Opinions & Beliefs Pro-life or pro-choice? Pro-choice to the day I fucking die. Were you raised with any sort of religious background? If so, then what? I was raised Roman Catholic, but despise it today and even as a kid, I didn't get it. Democrat, Republican, or Independent? Independent. For or against the death penalty? For, but only in VERY extreme cases and/or severe repeat offenses. Thoughts on assisted suicide? I absolutely believe people basically on their deathbed deserve to make one final choice when it comes to their peace. I think it's very unfair to let someone slowly, painfully wither if they don't want that.

　Layer 23: Currently/Today/Present What day is it? October 25th. Holy shit, I cannot believe how fast October went. What’s the weather like outside? Sky is clear, and at the time I'm answering this, it's morning, so it's pretty cold out. What have you eaten? I had some Special K cereal. Did you run any errands? No. What time is it? 8:57 AM right now.

　Layer 24: Yesterday Did you have a work shift? I'm unemployed. Did you eat out anywhere? No. Was it snowing? No. Who did you last say goodnight to? I didn't say exactly that to anyone yesterday. Did anything unusual happen? No.

　Layer 25: Tomorrow Do you have to go to school/class? I'm not in school anymore. Does this day have any sort of significance to you? No. What is a chore that needs to get done? I'll need to clean Roman's litter. Will you hang out with friends? No. What time will you be expected to be awake by? No specific time, but I generally wake up early.

　Layer 26: Have You Ever Performed a magic trick successfully? Yeah, I used to be obsessed with those little boxes you could get from Scholastic, lol. Sat or laid on a rooftop and looked at the stars? Yes. Walked around with your underwear on inside out or backwards all day without realizing it? Not that I remember. Touched a snake? Well yeah, I own one and have had two in the past, and I've held friends' snakes. Even as a kid I know I'd pick up little ones. Been bitten by an animal? If so, what animal? Playfully by cats. My old baby iguana Kaiju also did.

　Layer 27: School Life Are preschool and kindergarten mandatory where you live? I know preschool isn't, but I think kindergarten is? Were you or anyone you knew homeschooled? I was homebound at the end of the 8th grade. I'm not sure if I know others. Did you attend public or private school? Mostly public, but my last college was private. Were you bullied in school, popular, or somewhere in-between? None of these; I think the best way to put it is just ignored. I wasn't anybody special and minded my own quiet business. What is the highest level of education that you completed? Some college.

　Layer 28: Your Appearance Eye color: Grayish blue. Hair color: Brown, but with a blonde-ish fade from where it used to be green but faded away. Height: 5'4.5'' Weight: nope Do you have freckles, moles, beauty marks, or birthmarks - and where? I have a birthmark on my left forearm, and little freckles in random places throughout my body.

　Layer 29: Electronics, Internet, & Social Media How much time do you spend on the Internet per day? Basically almost every waking moment and it's super sad. Which social media platforms do you belong to? Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr (does that count?). When’s the last time you replaced the batteries in your television remote? Oh hell if I know. Are you more likely to stream movies and shows on your laptop, or cast them to your television? Uh, out of the two, I'm watching on my laptop. Do you have an e-reader, or do you prefer actual books? I STRONGLY prefer actual books, like I have absolutely zero urge to read digitally, and I think it's because it's a very rare escape FROM technology for me.

　Layer 30: Are You Are you still in school? No. Are you a member of the LGBTQ+ community? Yes, I'm pansexual. Are you looking forward to anything coming soon? Yeah, a surprise birthday party for Girt's mom. Are you dreading anything coming soon? Hm, I don't believe so, nothing that's truly "soon." Are you gullible or naive? Definitely not.

　Layer 31: Does Does your workplace make you feel like you can never take a day off without feeling guilty about it? I don't work. Does anyone out there hate you? I'm sure. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? If it's about MY sex life, yes. I'm extremely private about those details, but I'm not uncomfortable if other people are talking about their experiences. Does crying make you feel less strong? No, I absolutely will not feed into the bullshit that crying is a sign of weakness.

　Layer 32: Would You Do the Polar Bear Plunge? I would for charity. Ever try to walk across a room blindfolded? No. Swim with sharks? Possibly. I definitely would if I was in one of those safe cages. Go into outer space, given the chance? No, but only because of how long space expeditions are. I would miss Earth and the people I love way, way too much. But if it could be like a day-long adventure, THEN I totally would. Go out in public, looking how you do right now? I'd go in my mom's car dressed how I am (in pjs) if I was just riding somewhere and not getting out, but I wouldn't go in anywhere right now.

　Layer 33: Pets/Animals Do you have any pets? If so, what type, and their names... I have a gray and white domestic shorthair of some sort named Roman, a champagne morph ball python named Venus, and my mom's dog is a chihuahua named Cookie. If not, what type of pet have you always wanted? N/A What is your favorite animal? Meerkats, of course. Do you think it is cruel to have circus animals? of course it is????? How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? How often do you scoop the litterbox, if you have a cat? Cookie doesn't go on walks. I scoop the litterbox every few days.

　Layer 34: Food What is your favorite breakfast item? Cinnamon rolls. What is your favorite kind of dessert? Probably cakes. Do you eat all three meals everyday? Not every day, no. What’s the longest you’ve gone without food? I dunno, but nothing very long.

　Layer 35: Past Does your past ever come back to haunt you at times? Yeah, I think everyone has moments of this. What is one of your favorite memories of the past? I cherish times of playing make-believe with my sister or even myself as a little kid. What is something that you used to do in the past, but no longer do? Pray. Which historical time period would you like to go back to and check out? The time of dinosaurs lol, just put me in a safe bubble.

　Layer 36: Future Do you think you will ever get married one day? Yes. Do you plan on ever getting a different job in the future, or are you happy with the one you’ve got? I want a job to begin with. I'm never going to be happy without some sort of career. What age do you plan to retire at? Or do you plan on working til you’re dead? How the hell should I know? What is something on your bucket list worth mentioning? I want to go to the KMP to photograph and interact with the meerkats, specifically Whiskers individuals. If given the opportunity to see how your future plays out, would you take it, or no? I... don't think so. What if it's awful? I'd rather just not know that's the end of me.

　Layer 37: Hygiene How often do you shower? I struggle with self-care for a number of reasons and I do not want to share this. How often do you brush your teeth? More than I used to. Do you actually iron any of your clothes? *I* don't, my mom probably would if it was a fancy shirt and I was going to like, an interview or something. How often do you do laundry? Wow I hate this section, *I* don't, my mom does. She does our stuff together, and I don't keep track of how often the washer or dryer is on. How long do you use a bath towel before switching it out? Only once, but keep in mind I don't shower as much as I should so using it twice would be extremely gross.

　Layer 38: Clothing, Makeup, & Style Do you wear nail polish? If so, how often do you paint your nails? No. How would you describe your sense of style? Some mix of geek, goth, and metalhead, I guess. Are there any popular trends that you do not find appealing? I'm sure there are, but I don't keep track of this stuff. Where do you typically buy your clothing from? Wal-Mart or Hot Topic. What sorts of accessories do you wear/use? Piercings and one ring. Sometimes I'll put on a necklace.

　Layer 39: Hobbies Do you still color, even as an adult? Only when I draw something, really, which is already rare. Do you/would you like to crochet, knit, cross-stitch, etc? Not really. What’s the last thing you crafted all by yourself? I drew something like a year ago. Do you use Pinterest at all? Yeah. What’s the last thing that you cooked or baked? I don't cook.

　Layer 40: Dislikes List some of your pet peeves here. People trying to make conversation with me when I'm obviously listening to music (yes I know this is bitchy but it's like my biggest pet peeve there is), "tough guys," the "kill it with fire" mentality towards snakes and spiders (no seriously I fucking despise you), continuously pestering me when I need alone time (not in the case of like, ACTUALLY needing me, this is mostly a situation I've encountered with kids, who obviously don't get it and I can't be TRULY mad at), putting so much effort into a drawing and it not coming out right, competitive people (I don't get their mindset at all and it just makes you look really shitty to me), non-meat eaters acting holier than thou towards people who have meat as part of their diet, etc. What are some things that annoy you about yourself? I catastrophize like NOBODY'S goddamn business, I assume the absolute worst with like everything (this especially includes assuming everyone hates me/pretends to like me), I underestimate the shit out of myself, I'm VERY socially flighty/awkward, etc., blah blah blah this question is gonna make me upset at myself lol Is there anyone out there who you actually hate? Who? That I personally know/have known, I don't think so. The closest would definitely be Sara, but I don't feel confident saying I hate her; "hate" indicates too much of my energy going towards her, to me. I dislike the shit out of her, but "hate" just seems too intense, especially as time passes. What is a feeling that you dislike? Embarrassment. It's the worst sensation to me, I am so absurdly sensitive towards it, like I basically wanna die. Do you get some ugly road rage while driving? I don't drive, but when I did, I was way too terrified and passive of a driver to feel this. People with road rage scare me.

　Layer 41: Random Have you ever successfully pogoed on a pogo stick? Yes; I got one one Christmas as a kid and got pretty good at it. Have you ever mastered the jump rope? Not "mastered," but I got decent at it. I could jump in with one rope going, and came extremely close to jumping in while doing double dutch. Do you know what it feels like to be truly happy? As a kid, I think so. In my adult life, I think I've had moments, but it's hard to tell with depression. What’s your favorite type of survey, and why? Ones with totally random questions that you generally wouldn't be asked.

　Layer 42: Music What are some of your favorite genres of music? Mostly metal, I think industrial and heavy, specifically. I also like rock, alternative, and indie. What are some music genres that you can’t stand? Rap and country. If you had a blank pair of concert tickets, who would you hope to be going to see? Do you honestly expect me to say anything but Rammstein lmao Do you still listen to music on the radio from time to time? No. iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, or YouTube? I normally do YouTube, especially since I tend to binge songs on repeat.

　Layer 43: Books What were some of your favorite books as a child?Stellaluna, What Makes a Rainbow?, Rainbow Fish, 10 Minutes 'til Bedtime, When You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Chrysanthemum, lots of the classics for my age group. What genre of books do you typically read most often? Young adult fantasy, maybe. What are some of your favorite books as an adult?Johnny Got His Gun, The Outsiders, Wings of Fire, The Handmaid's Tale. What is a book that you were required to read for school that you actually enjoyed?The Outsiders was the main one. Do you read any newspapers or magazines anymore? No.

　Layer 43: Around the World Where’s the best place you’ve taken a vacation and/or day trip to? A really clear lake multiple hours away from where we live now. We'd been visiting my younger sister's childhood best friend. Fish and stuff were accustomed to human presence so you swam right with them, and everything was SO clear. Oh yeah, of course Disney World was amazing too, but my memories of it are faint because I was quite young. Where is somewhere that you’d like to go someday, assuming you have the funds to do so? Alaska, particularly at a good time of year to see the Northern Lights. I'm very confident I'd cry. Where do your family members originate from? My ancestry includes German, Irish, and Polish, on my mom's side. We don't know Dad's heritage. What is your favorite type of ethnic cuisine? Honestly, probably just basic bitch American lmfao What is something that is typically representative of your own culture? Cheeseburgers? lmao

　Layer 44: Would you rather... Drink apple juice or grape juice? Apple, grape juice is repulsive. Wear pants or shorts? Pants. I never wear shorts. Be taller or shorter? I'm fine with where I am. Go to a zoo or an aquarium? Zoo. Visit an art gallery or a museum? Science museum. But an art gallery sounds nice, too.

　Layer 45: Movies Do you remember what the first movie was that you saw in theaters? I don't. What are some of your favorite movies you’ve seen?The Lion King has my heart, and I even love the "live action" remake. The Meerkats documentary is fucking beautiful, the cinematography is unreal. What genre of movie do you typically enjoy? Horror and fantasy stuff. I can enjoy comedies, too. What is a movie you’ve seen that you weren’t expecting to like, but were pleasantly surprised? Uhhhh let's see... yeah I actually don't know, I'm not one to watch movies much even if I think I WILL like them.

　Layer 46: Personality Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? I'm way more of an introvert. Are you more easygoing and laid back, or anal? I'm a very anxious person, but still laid back in situations where I'm comfortable. Are you kind to everyone who shows that they deserve kindness? I absolutely try to be. Describe your sense of humor. I don't really know, I don't think I understand my own well enough. I don't think I'm funny, so it's hard to indentify for me. Do you tend to over-share? In real life, hell fucking no, but I KNOOOOOOOOW I do online.

　Layer 47: Celebrities Which celebrity has given their child the most unique name, in your opinion? *shrug* Are there any celebrities that you keep tabs on/read articles about often? I don't read articles on people, but I "keep up" with the Rammstein boys, as well as Markiplier, though I've eased up with knowing everything going on in his world. He's still the one YouTube channel I have notifs for though, I care about major things he shares. Who is/are your celebrity crush(es)? rzk is old enough to be my fucking father and i don't care Have you ever personally met someone famous before? If so, then who? No. Who is a celebrity that you’re getting tired of hearing about all the time? I mean, no one specifically because I don't hear about anyone excessively.

　Layer 48: Emotions When was the last time you cried? I can't remember for sure. What are some things that you’re afraid of? Parasites (especially internal), tornadoes, pregnancy, driving, becoming paralyzed from the neck down, actually becoming diabetic, never losing the weight I want to lose, going through another serious breakup, living alone on the streets... There's honestly a lot of stuff. What is something small that makes you happy? People I cherish remembering little things about me. Who is the last person that you were angry with, and about what? Ummm not sure? Are you typically a shy or outgoing person? I am extremely shy.

　Layer 49: Digging Deeper What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Sangrias. How old were you when you got drunk for the first time? I've never been drunk, just tipsy. Do you smoke? No. Have you ever taken and sent naked pictures of yourself? No. Have you ever done any drugs other than marijuana? If so, which ones? I've never even tried weed.

　Layer 50: Games What are some of your favorite video games? The Silent Hill franchise, Shadow of the Colossus, World of Warcraft, Spyro games (excluding Skylanders, I won't fucking touch it), the Resident Evil series, and mostly loads of other horror games. Do you have any computer games that you play regularly? Yeah, WoW. What was your favorite board game, growing up? I surprisingly liked "Mall Madness" a lot, even for a kid that didn't like shopping. How about your favorite card game? I liked poker at some point, but I haven't remembered the rules since I WAS a kid. How good are you at solving puzzles? (such as a Rubik’s cube, word puzzles, or putting together a jigsaw puzzle) I guess this depends on the puzzle, but I'm not exceptional at any.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #questionnaire

[tropigar]

How does one get started making adopables?

This is a pretty broad question, I will do my best to answer it however there's a lot so I can really only cover the basics! I mean it's really just a matter of designing characters and having a place to post them and a way to take payment for it.

Step one is to be involved in a creative community in some capacity. Have a page and following so you can get eyes on your adoptables (but make sure you've got the right people looking at them!) And also have a way to process payments (which is a whole 'nother beast). Unless you aren't strictly selling them; most people sell their adopts for money, but some people use digital currencies (like old deviantart points lol), some do "draw-to-adopt" (DTAs) that are a bit of a contest, or raffle them off for free, or only put them up for trades for other designs, etc.

I've found there are generally a few different types of people that are looking for adoptables:

Are writers, especially fanfiction writers that aren't as practiced or confident with drawing or designing and so they want to be able to purchase a design / appearance for a character. They likely aren't interested in having a character with a defined personality or backstory (because they probably already have one in mind), just the physical appearance, and they also aren't generally interested in very flashy, pretty designs and instead want something more practical and "normal looking."

Are individuals that like collecting pretty characters and drawing them. They may or may not be interested in a personality or backstory, but the overall aesthetics of the design. So bright colors and interesting patterns (even if not realistic) might appeal more to them.

Are individuals interested in roleplay; they're more likely to want a character with a personality and/or backstory but they may want to come up with it his or herself. Kind of a mix of the above two.

Are individuals that are just really interested in YOU and your art. It's less about the design itself and moreso the fact that they love your art and want to "own" a part of it, especially a part they add onto and play with as opposed to a one-and-done commission. (This is more rare and comes with time and building an image online as an artist). They also might be less interested in the design itself and more into trading, if you're a really popular designer your adopts may end up being used as trading cards of a sort lol.

Of course there is often overlap between these groups as well. I'm not huge into adopting myself (I mostly adopt-out lol) so I can't really say ALL of the reasons people buy characters but this is what I have observed. Knowing your audience helps. (For me I don't really adopt much unless I see a design that just really clicks with me and seems like it could be fun to draw or I could incorporate it into my headworld).

If you know who your audience is and how to sell your designs / adoptables, it's mostly just a matter of making them. And that's just general art basics, like knowing anatomy, color theory, design principle, etc. And if you're making it for a fandom, knowing the basics that come with that. IDK this part just comes down to creativity, come up with an idea and put it on paper I guess. And when it comes to the design part itself that would be just learning art in general, way too big of a scope to cover in one tumblr post lol.

Post them somewhere and hope people will buy. Platforms, visibility and engagement are a whole nother conversation as well. Somewhere like Instagram might be harder to sell without a following, tumblr might be difficult unless your art blows up by chance, really just varies. There are other stuff that might crop up, like terms of service or using line arts, that's kind of another conversation... and some people auction their adopts off (I personally wouldn't recommend beginners do that) so there's more to be said for that.

I've been selling adopts for so long it's hard to really know what someone new to it needs to hear. I guess don't be intimidated by the process, it's not as foreign as it seems. If you have any more specific questions I'd be happy to answer to the best of my abilities :)

#asks #other #sorry I'm tipsy rn so I hope this made sense lol

[lightvsdark18]

Twisted Wonderland- Terror Is Trending (P.1)

(Take a shot every I say Halloween. Translation by Otome Ayui on YouTube)

Alice and Grim walk down the path towards their dorm as the creature turns to the young woman. "You know, I've always thought about this before, the distance between Ramshackle dorm and the campus is pretty far."

She agrees with his statement, arriving at the broken dorm being used as their shelter. "Phew. We arrived! I'm-" his words were cut off by a dragon on their front yard. He screams and turns around to start running, but stops and calls out to the the young woman.

"Oh, you're back." She jumps at a sudden voice and faces the figure floating upside down while the creature screams again.

"Kufufu, what a wonderful reaction!" The black haired man flips himself to his feet and stands properly. "You came back earlier than I expected."

Grim carefully comes back and hides behind Alice's leg. "Y-You are.. from Diasomnia. The one that's always appears upside-down."

"That's right. I'm the elusive handsome boy, Lilia Vanrouge."

"Why are you he- Wait, there's no time to talk! We need to run away from that big monster!" Grim cowards behind her.

Lilia chuckles and explains the monster was a fake dragon made of paper and cloth pasted on a wooden structures. The creature grows confused, then mad at Diasomnia decorating Ramshackle without the owners' permission. However, Lilia states that the headmage allowed him to do so.

Alice gives a quiet growl. "Crowley didn't tell us anything of that."

"Anyway, why are you decorating our dorm?" Grim asks.

"For Halloween, obviously! Malleus said, "Ramshackle dorm is the best place to spend Halloween." Aren't you happy? You guys wouldn't be able to finish in time without Diasomnia to help. No need to thank me. Let's celebrate Halloween together! Hahaha!"

Alice's frowns before focusing her attention on the ghosts floating towards the wooden dragon, complimenting the details. Lilia turns and greets them, asking for their thoughts and getting praised for the continuous hard work.

Grim pipes in. "What's Halloween?" Which shocks everyone.

"I even have this holiday in my world," Alice comments which makes Lilia raise a brow, but soon brushes it off.

The black haired man retells the history of Halloween as a day for ghosts to visit the physical realm while living folks dress in horrific ghost or monster to prevent the evil ghosts from pulling tricks on them. However, now it's just a day to dress up in costumes and eat candy.

Grim asks about the ghosts living in this realm and Lilia informs the ghosts here are ones who have regret or haven't fulfilled a goal. However, Night Raven College is full of magic which allows them to work at the school.

The ghosts comments that it doesn't matter if the human and creature can see ghosts or not, what did matter was Halloween was showing up soon. The ghosts and fae loudly shout a "Happy Halloween" to show their excitement.

Alice too grows excited at the chance to celebrate the holiday truthfully when she feels a tag on her pant leg. She looks down at the cat who asks, "you said your world has Halloween as well? What did you do on Halloween?" He smiles up at her.

She smiles back. "I'll tell you in the dorm."

Lilia pipes in to state the college does a special event for the holiday which he gets more confused when the cat also doesn't knows about this special event. He tells the two their homeroom teacher will explain tomorrow.

Then there's the sound of a camera. They look over to the ghosts taking pictures with phones?

"Is that a smartphone?!" The creature shouts. The ghosts chuckle at him, confessing because of their excitement, they got phones to capture the holiday. "Don't you have to sign a contract to buy a smartphone?"

They apparently skipped all of that by buying it online and, of course, Crowley allowed them to get one while Alice and Grim still don't have one, yet. Anyway, ghost puns and making a Magicam account with their ghosts friends following them before grabbing the cat and taking a photo together.

Grim smugly comments that ghosts don't show up in photos only to be surprised at seeing them clearly in said photo, stating how they didn't show up when Alice took a picture of them.

"That's because Halloween is coming soon," Alex states.

"Oh, I see. That's why you guys buy a phone," Lilia says after pointing something out to a student and turning back to the group.

"What do you mean?" Alice questions.

"Because the other world is being connected to this world, their power will increase which makes it not rare to see ghosts in photos during Halloween. This will only happen when you're in Night Raven College."

The three spirits are too busy figuring out filters to pay any mind to the the others and post the photo with the hangtag "NRCHalloween." The creature demands tuna cans for the picture submission just to be ignored by everyone looking forward this year's celebration.

The next day, Professor Crewel finishes checking attendance and makes an announcement about the upcoming event. Everyone immediately grows loud with anticipation. Ace leans over to tell the Ramshackle duo how their dorm looks like a different place from the glance he got this morning. Deuce quietly adds how good of a job Draconia and Vanrouge were doing.

Discussion on the holiday fills the classroom as Grim's smile gets bigger and bigger, feeling the excitement for this event that's a month away. Professor Crewel eventually silence the class before explaining the event.

"One week before Halloween, known as "Halloween Week," will have the students of this campus become the main part of this event by setting up a stamp venues for people outside the campus. Every dorm will hold their own venue that they will decorate for the rally stamp. The most important part is everyone outside the campus has the right to part take in this event. In other words, during Halloween Week there will be visitors walking around our school."

He asks the question of why hold a event that will take a lot of work? Grim answers with stealing money from the guests and Professor Crewel corrects him by stating the reason is to show how discipline the students are to the locals on the island. Ace brings up if Ramshackle heard anything from the Halloween steering committee.

"Steering committee?" Grim tilts his head.

"In order to let the Halloween event run smoothly, every dorm sends out two of the students to help run it. The headmage told you, right?" The professor looks to the Ramshackle duo.

"Nope."

"What?!"

"He told us nothing about any of this." Alice wrinkles her brows in anger.

"... I guess the headmage must've forgotten to tell you two." Disbelief is seen in his eyes.

"How careless!" Ace adds.

Deuce speaks up, "um, you don't have to worry, guys. I'm one of the steering committee and will answer your questions about Halloween Week if you have any."

"Stop being so proud. It was decided by random draws." Ace annoyingly pouts.

Deuce snaps at Ace and promises to do his very best because Riddle expects him to do so. The professor appreciates the motivation, but tells him to not fall behind his studies. He then threats that misbehaving students won't attend the party which gets Alice questioning the statement.

Ace informs the duo on the party for both students and visitors, getting the cat's attention by the pile of food said to be there and always having leftovers. Professor Crewel ends the discussion by telling them to enjoy themselves during the event.

~~~~

"The Halloween decorations are done!" Grim cheers in excitement, looking around their dorm being covered in see-through cloth and fake Jack-o'-lanterns.

"I wish you got us a pumpkin so we could make a real Jack-o'-lantern!" He glares at Alice.

"We need to eat this week, Grim. I can't use our money for anything random." She tiredly sighs.

"We could have eaten the pumpkin after we were done craving it!"

"The only pumpkins left were too small!" The two glare at each other when the ghosts float in and tell them to not fight.

"It's Halloween, you're suppose to enjoy themselves."

"That's right! We should start looking around school. Let's-"

"Wait a minute!" The ghosts suddenly yell which makes Alice wince and Grim jump in surprise. They start chuckling and grinning, having the cat grow worry.

"We actually have a present for you two."

"Here you go!" Berry stretches out his hand and magic leaves his palm to begin swirling around the creature and human.

A pointed hat settles down on her head and a purple spiderweb cape drapes around her shoulders, looking down at herself and feeling the fabric. She looks to Grim who cheers and spins in excitement with his new hat and bow in the same pattern as hers.

"Kate! I look cool, right!?" His eyes sparkle.

"... You look cute." He stomps his paws as she laughs, turning to the ghosts to thanks them while Grim pouts.

Alex and Cody explain them the boys with the heart and spade on their face told them about the lack of costumes Grim and Alice had, so the three cut out the shapes from old curtains and painted on the spiderweb design. She thanks them again before the ghosts gestures for them to go out and enjoy the festive.

Grim begins running towards the front doors with her chuckling behind him, opening the door and calling out to the runaway cat to stay by her side as they exit the dorm. People of young and old, people from different nationality could be seen on their front yard chatting and taking pictures.

They squeeze pass the crowd to get onto the path, but Alice see the horned boy and makes eye contact with him. She smiles and gives a small wave before heading to the botanical garden. Malleus pauses before turning back to what he was doing.

Ramshackle duo greet the Heartslabyul dorm and inspect their graveyard decorations and costumes. Riddle appears from the shadows and compliments their outfits, chatting for a bit when Cater breaks away from some guests and asks them to take a photo with him. Alice holds Grim in her arms as Cater snaps the picture, then she sets him down and stops him from taking off. She pulls out a card from her pocket and asks for a stamp.

"Hm? The stamps are for the guests, Kate." Cater takes the card.

"I know, I thought it was make for a good souvenir when I go home."

Cater smiles. "Okay, just give me a second." He takes out the dorm's stamp and presses it on the card, handing back to her before posing. "Happy Halloween."

She chuckles and does the same pose. "Happy Halloween."

She turns to the exit and continues down the path to the alchemy workshop, walking inside to the mad scientist type decor and feeling Grim grabbing her leg. She picks him up and heads further in.

Octavinelle dorm greet the two, making a comment about Grim who had a word to say to the student. A boy with glasses gives a short speech on the mummies to get the visitors emerged in the atmosphere. Her card was stamped and fought through the crowd to get outside.

Next was the Mystery Shop. She sets the cat down and let him excitedly explore around, glancing around at the fabric making the shop to make it look older and rundown. A white haired boy jumps out of a bush and surprises her, laughing proudly to himself.

"I like your costume," she compliments him.

"Thank you! I like yours too!" Kalim brightly smiles.

"Thank you. Where do I get my card stamped?" He points to a brown haired boy.

"My dorm mate right there will stamp it for you! The shop also is selling waffles if you're interested."

"Thank you for your help." She waves to him a goodbye and walks over to the student, getting a new stamp and looking around for her cat who was playing in a pile of leaves.

She calls him over and they enter the shop, waiting in the line for the treat. Sam greets her, wraps up two waffles and hands the treats to them as she places the money on the counter.

They take a bite and smile at the sweet apple jam and crunchy waffle. They get onto the main street where Alice checks the list of venues and asks Grim which way he wanted to go, seeing his paw point to the colosseum. She gives a nod and starts heading towards Savanaclaw's halloween venue.

They both stare in amazement at how the Colosseum transformed into a pirate ship. She picks up the cat and moves pass visitors leaving to descend the stairs towards the handcrafted ship. Grim tries to jump out of her arms at the gold, but tells him it is fake.

At hearing her voice, Leona approaches the two. "Trying to steal the pirate's treasure?" She turns to him. "I heard you will get cursed if you do."

"I don't believe that for a second!" Grim smugly comments.

"The decorations are gorgeous. I'm amazed at how you guys were able to make it feel like you're standing beside an actually pirate ship." Leona chuckles at the compliment.

"The Savanaclaw is a prideful dorm who works hard and doesn't take shortcuts."

"Unless it's for the Spelldrive tournament."

"Grim!" She yells like a disappointed parent.

Leona furls his brows and frowns. "Tsk. Whatever." Then walks off.

She tells the creature he's a rude child and he didn't have to say that. Grim throws his wrapper and pouts to which she sighs and picks up the trash.

"Kate, Grim!" Jack starts approaching them.

"Hey, Jack. Nice costume." He shyly rubs his neck at the compliment and thanks her, then asks if they're enjoying themselves. "Yeah, the dorms really went out for Halloween and it makes me feel more excited for what awaits!"

"I'm glad to hear."

"Oh-" she juggles Grim in her arms and pulls out the card- "I know these are for the guests, but I wanted to go through the fun of getting the stamps and keeping it as a souvenir." She hands the card to Jack.

"No worries, give me a second." He walks over to the student managing the stamps and gives a yellow stamp on her card. He comes back and gives it back to her, then does a pose. "Happy Halloween."

"Happy Halloween, Jack."

She climbs the stairs out of the area and searches for something to drink, stopping at a stand with water bottles for the guests and paying for two. They down the cold water and checks the list for another location. They step out on the main street and see a certain redhead walking with two other students. She shouts towards Ace and he reacts, talking to the other students, then running over to the Ramshackle duo.

"Happy Halloween, cool costumes." He smugly grins.

"Happy Halloween, and thanks for telling the ghosts about our lack of costumes." Alice smiles.

"Yeah, I didn't know you were actually worried about us. Please continue to look after me! Nyahaha!" Grim goes over to Ace's leg and rubs his face on the boy's pants leg.

"It's not like I was worried about you- Hey! Don't nuzzle on me, your fur is sticking to my clothes!" Ace complains, pulling the clingy creature off of himself and causing Alice to laugh at the two.

"Anyway, it's nothing. Me and Deuce were just joking around on how you guys were going to celebrate a lonely Halloween, and it just happened to be outside your dorm."

"Yeah, sure." She smirks.

"I'm serious!"

"Anyway, why are you in your P.E uniform?"

"Oh, I just got back from baseball practice. We finished it earlier than usual cause you know."

"It's honestly crazy seeing so many people walking around the school."

"I know, right? Specially considering how difficult it is to get here."

"What do you mean?" She raises a brow.

"The island is located in a super obscure area. We usually use the Dark Mirror to return home on holiday breaks, but if we want to go back during when the mirror is closed: you have to go to the nearest airport, transfer onto a bus, then ride a boat, then transfer on to another boat, and lastly another bus."

"I never knew this island was so far from the countryside!" Grim shouts in shock as Alice stares a bit wide eyed.

"Damn, those people are determined to see this event," she comments.

"Yeah, but the school looks so lively during this time of every year. The best part is the teachers don't give us too much homework." Ace chuckles.

"True." Then a growl interrupts them and raises brows at each other.

"Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go eat something," Grim pats his paws on his caregiver's leg.

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry. Let's have lunch together. I think the cafeteria is doing something different for this week," Ace states.

After a decent lunch, Ace waves goodbye to the two and heads towards his dorm to change. Grim asks about if there's one in the school and she reads "Mirror Chamber " on the bottom of her note. He instantly takes off and has to be chased by the young woman.

They squeeze through the visitors and see the lack of change to the chamber. She glances over to a purple haired boy in a vampire costume and immediately goes over to get her card stamped. She compliments his outfits and he does the same, thinking it is cute the two have matching costumes.

Grim complaints, saying it's cool, not cute. Epel apologies and corrects himself while stamping Alice's card. Vil walks over and asks the spider witches how they are enjoying the event, getting positive responses from the two.

"I'm happy to hear. Hm? Aren't you two who made a mess during the orientation ceremony?"

She frowns. "He made a mess, I just got dragged along," a slight irritation in her voice.

"Wait, you're a student here?" Epel questions.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Well, I hope you enjoy your first year here. Don't cause any trouble or I'm eat you for being bad." Vil prevents to be threatening with a smug expression and poses like he had claws.

Alice looks down at the creature. "Heard that, Grim." She smugly smirks.

"Hey! I haven't caused some trouble!"

"Yet." Grim pouts as Vil chuckles, then asks if they would like a picture with him. "Oh, I don't have a phone."

He's taken back by that. "Um, well, you can tell your friends you met the Vil Schoenheit."

Who are you?

"I will." Then picks up the creature to moves pass the blond haired boy into the hallway.

She heads down the steps and into the library, their last stop. Her eyes stare up in awe at the atmosphere of a spooky forest. She searches around and finds a robot? stamping the cards. She gets through the crowd and compliments the aesthetic of the dorm to the student.

"I'm glad you think so! My brother will be happy to hear that!" Ortho beams.

"Your brother did this?" He nods. "He's really talented."

"He is!" She receives a stamp. "Please, take a seat and enjoy the show. It's about to start."

She nods and takes a seat at a table on the side, sitting Grim beside her and watching the Pumpkin Knight performance together.

~~~~

The sky soon turns dark as night approached. Grim complains about his sore paws and requesting for them to head back to their dorm. Alice agrees and carries the creature once more as they called it a day. The entrance of Ramshackle is swarm with people when they approach, everyone looking at something and holding up their phones. She leans over the fence to see the ghosts posing and winking at the people.

"Look over here!" One woman cheers. "Wink for me!" Another woman requests.

"Looks like the ghosts are very popular, but why?" Alice wrinkles her brows in confusion when someone makes a comment behind her, turning to Deuce and Cater.

"Oh, hey guys. Do you know what's going on?" She questions.

"It's because of this." Cater pulls his phone and shows a picture of the ghosts and Grim together. "Look under the picture. See the number of likes, that's how many seen this picture."

"Likes? T-Ten thousand!?" Grim's eyes shoots wide open in shock.

"Holy shit." She couldn't help but curse.

"A picture will become famous if there's ghosts being clear in it. Even more, this is selfie taken by the ghosts themselves with a cute cat! It has been trending on Magicam!" Cater explains.

"I'm not a cat! I thought they only had five followers, but it received ten thousand likes?"

"It's just coincidence one of the users just happened to discover the photo and clicked the like button. The followers of that user also likes the photo, then another until it spread through Magicam." Deuce scratches his chin.

Damn, never thought the picture would go so crazy online, Alice thinks as Cater explains a little bit more about the Internet to Grim.

"Ah! Isn't that the cute cat in the photo?" A girl yells, grabbing everyone's attention and having them look at the woman and creature. Alice feels a bit creeped out by everyone's stares.

"Huh? Are they talking about me? I'm not a cat! I'm going to become a great wizard in the future!" Grim places his paws on his hips, or tries to.

The group of people crowd around her, staring at Grim with sparkling eyes and being amazed by the creature, complimenting him left and right. Grim complains at some of the compliments about him being cute and correct them on being cool.

Alice is feeling nervous at the swarm of people while Grim eats up the attention, demanding her to put him down so he could pose for the crowd. She sets him down and squeezes through the group of people to Deuce and Cater, but someone stops her to comment on her costume matching the cat's, having a few people asking for a photo.

She nervously smiles. "Um, sure." The person happily beam and pass their phone to another to stand next to her, then pose.

Deuce and Cater laugh at her slowly growing popularity. "Good luck, Katie!" Cater shout and wave before grabbing Deuce's arm and dragging him along.

#twisted wonderland #alice #written work #stories #lilia vanrouge #twst grim #riddle rosehearts #cater diamond #deuce spade #ace trappola #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #ortho shroud #leona kingscholar #jack howl #vil schoenheit #epel felmier #twst event

[writingrightendings]

Dr Shashank x Dr Juhi - Part 2

Maybe now Juhi begins to wonder how he loves her. What if it's all platonic on his side? But these butterflies in his presence and the sheer awareness of his physicality. Is it only in her head? Who can she talk to, confide in? Anjali has begun to thaw to her but yeah no way she's going to be able to talk through her physical attraction to Anjali's DAD. Fat chance.

Meanwhile, if they are out at dinner or a movie or just stopping by stores in a mall to pick things up, they're just routinely assumed to be a married couple. They spend most of their free days also together now.

Sure, they're workaholics, but they each - privately and then together - realize that some of the nature of their passion at work was driven by each other. The opportunity to be each other's work spouse all those years ago, to bring forward the best outcome every time... There was a precious high there. And it could only be gotten at work then! At first they were both single but hadn't found the balance with each other properly. Then he was married, then she was. Then he was widowed...but she had Rahul. And it wasn't right to revolve around the other if unrelated to work and hospital (they never even consciously considered it!). Later, after Juhi left Sanjivani, they both used work as a solace for loneliness. But now, they had each other. Truly had each other in a way they didn't before -- workaholics they needn't be anymore, couldn't be anymore. Not when there was happiness to also be had in a coffee outside, in trying to bake together, attend a furniture sale, go to a park, pick up presents for a baby shower (even though Anjali had insisted that it's just cheaper to buy online).

Anjali has finally thawed enough to have Juhi over at their home during weekends. The three of them can hang out; she and Juhi pick out movies on Netflix and Prime (and Hotstar, ahem) to watch. Anjali always has the last say in what they order in. None of them are great shakes at cooking but Shashank can do ok provided he is given enough time. Cooking is just like surgery he says, and one of his girls rolls her eyes, the other lights up and laughs. Sometimes they serve as his sous chefs and spend the night in, food, wine and a movie.

Anjali cannot help but be curious as to why Shashank and Juhi aren't physically demonstrative. At first she thinks it's because they're respecting her feelings and she's relieved, whew. But ... she's smart, observant. She can pick up the tension too. How Juhi lingers around Dad, as if inhaling in his essence without his knowledge. How Dad manages to walk around Juhi in the kitchen without really touching her. And she thinks, gosh, idiots (I agree).

So she gives them more space. She encourages Juhi to be over at their place more when she's not around. She innocently suggests to Dad and Juhi separately why some evenings aren't spent at Juhi's. And in a combination of wisdom and frustration, Juhi realized she's gotta make the first move with Shashank.

It's ... "Shashank" now. The first time it happened was when she had met some of his friends at the hospital. They joined forces to tease him about something and in the moment, she dropped her guard and called him, "Shashank". Of course he picked it up, glanced at her to indicate he had and she blushes at the slip of tongue. Later he said, "Acha lagta hai," when they were cleaning dishes together at her place at night.

"Kya sir?"

"You know, jab tum mujhe naam se pukar te ho" Hadn't he dispensed with Dr Singh, Dr Juhi, eons ago in their relationship?

"Acha? Aur kya acha lagta hai aapko..."

He didn't rise to that bait, wouldn't any other lover have rhapsodized?

Instead, "so what do I have to do to hear it again?"

She laughs and splashes water onto him. He grabs her arm. The smiles are slipping off their faces, their gazes are fixed and it's a... moment. "Sha... Shashank," she whispers.

Yeah, well no, she thinks later to herself, satisfied. It's not all platonic.

#shashank x juhi #dr juhi #dr shashank #sanjeevani #sanjivani #season 2 #hotstar #fix it fanfiction #fix it of sorts #dr shashank x dr juhi #shahi #shashank gupta #juhi singh #sanjivani 2

[prinxejeanne]

Major vent below the cut, please don't read if you're not in a good place mentally

It feels like people I care about have been drifting away from me. Obviously I still have a few close friends that regularly reach out to me and I love them for being kind enough to care. I love my friends more than anything else in the world

But there are people that always seem so exhausted when I get into a depressive episode like this. I get it, it can be exhausting when someone you know is constantly in a bad mood

But god, I'm trying so hard to pick myself up. No matter how many kind words I hear, at the end of the day, I still have a depressive disorder and I'm going to have spells where I'm just completely fucking miserable to be around

And nobody's obligated to care or to listen when I'm losing hope like this, but Jesus fucking christ I wish it wouldn't hurt anyone anymore

The only times most people enjoy being around me are when I'm oversexualizing myself, and I can't do that when I'm in a bottomless pit of horrible feelings

I'm sorry if you guys are getting bored or emotionally exhausted because fuck, I am too

And it doesn't help that I'm fucking front stuck.

There are so many people that seem to only wanna talk to certain members of our system and I know I shouldn't be jealous, since I have like three good friends that love me but holy shit, seeing so many people love and adore my headmates and those same people turn around and ignore me is so fucking horrible

I love having people pay attention to me and I think people take that as "Oh, Sawyer's venting for attention again, silly teenager behavior" but I'm fucking struggling and lately it feels like I'm constantly struggling and fucking fuck I just wanna be a happy, functioning adult and I can't even do that without being out of comission for fucking weeks

And there's no way in hell I can afford a therapist right now because I'm looking for a new house, my classes for next quarter, a doctor's office so I can stay physically healthy, Christmas presents, entertainment so I can distract myself from the horrible thoughts and impulses, birth control, and so many fucking things and I'm so so impulsive when it comes to money so I wouldn't be able to save up for therapy even if I tried

I don't wanna exist, I don't wanna be forced to suffer through all this every single fucking day of my life but I have to keep pushing

I've made promises to stay afloat and I can't break those promises without putting the lives of others at risk

The only thing fucking keeping me sane is the fact that I know eight people that would be sad if I died- five of those people are my blood family, one is my IRL friend, and the other two are online friends

And holy fuck that hurts, that I can only think of eight people who would be genuinely sad if I didn't exist anymore, but those people are keeping afloat right now

God I wanna fucking explode

#tw vent #this is extremely jumbled and i don't expect people to read through it all #everything is so overwhelming

[crackedramblings]

Notes/Dreams from 28.1.24

Dreams were weird and all over the place. I remember being in something like a dorm room, trying to sleep. I was in a bunk bed, and the rest of the people sleeping in the room were guys. I was very much my female self so why I was in an all-male dorm room I don't know, but it seemed totally normal in the dream. There was a group of people touring campus, and an older woman stopped by the room to wake us. She kept saying things in an overly bright, cheerful voice like "Wakey wakey, there are going to be so many handsome men on campus today, you'll want to wake up and see them." I found all of this extraordinarily obnoxious. After she kept on with this for a few minutes, I told her to shut up because I was trying to sleep. I didn't care about seeing a bunch of dudes (I was surrounded by them in the dorm after all) and I just wanted to sleep. She seemed offended by this and the dream sort of glitched into an interactive online form, where I chose from a drop down box what the next action she took would be. Like a 'choose your own adventure' type of scenario. I don't remember anything after that.

There were other weird dreams but I think they may have been nonsensical since I spent time yesterday at a bowling alley/arcade for a young relative's birthday party. The stimuli there was off the charts wild. They had different colored lights hanging from the ceiling, with disco ball effects, and freaking giant tv screens at the end of the bowling lanes. It was so surreal. Not to mention the place had a mini golf, mini racing car track, and other stuff all inside the building...absolutely wild and unbelievably overstimulating for adults and children alike. But somehow -- and I don't quite understand this -- I had a sort of bubble around me. Like I was able to move through all this without the normal sort of empath overload I get just from going to the grocery store. I was tired afterwards but it was like I was given a grace period where I wouldn't absorb the energies. I'm sure some of it came out in my dreams though.

I'm still in my dismantling mood. I've left all the discord groups I was in except the book club I started. I feel like just deleting it. I had a side blog for (believe it or not) witchy stuff and I ended up just deleting it. It was like I was desperate to find some sort of outlet for my frustration for the past few months and I thought--why not get into witchcraft? But even that is not doing it for me.

I keep thinking about how Naya said we fractaled this universe so deeply and all just to forget who we were. So how do I keep living here when I've remembered who I am? Is it even possible to fully remember who you are here? Is it even possible to maintain oneself as a fully remembered being in this fractalized place? Is that what we're trying to do? See how far we can go? Is it one last experiment? I'm not doing very well. I've had to ignore and cut out and dismantle so very, very much and it's not working. There is just no joy left for me here. Just moments of experience. Naya said that every second of this existence is torture for us, so why do I keep tolerating it?

I ate breakfast this morning. I mean, why? Other than I don't want to be 'uncomfortable.' But I'm already uncomfortable? I'm already miserable? I don't want to be physically miserable on top of the rest of it? Why can't I just stop?

Muscle testing results: I should stop eating. Yes. I should stop drinking. Yes. I should stop working out. Yes. I should stop breathing. No. Am I just hysterical? No.

[frostbite-the-bat]

urgh. im not gonna be able to shut up about this now just due to how much it hurt me. i can't believe i got basically laughed at and belittled for not knowing how things work after FINALLY. ***FINALLY*** speaking up to my mom about my pains and how i should seek a doctor - not mentioning everything yet and just speaking on my hands and the carpal tunnel shit ive had for a year straight (notably, since i had covid!!!) and that i can't do much in a work place since that's what i'm in the process of finding. i was told if there's issues to speak up on them, but i cannot do that without anything from a doctor. i can't do that without the help of my parents despite being an adult now. if i did have the strength - i'd have to do it behind their backs and lie.

basically denied any and all support and laughed in my face, because "its because you sit and draw at the computer for 12 hours" and "its okay ive had this for 20 years and i work fine" nonoononon ur not supposed to be in constant pain!!! even if its caused by me being 'just unfit' and 'drawing all day' to the point i cause harm to my hands - it's still pain to be looked at!! even regular ol carpal tunnel should be checked!!

but for me it took me a year to realize it's more than that and almost my whole body is affected and i'd like to not only have it confirmed by doctors - but also get help that way!! i cannot work normally like this!! i coudln't do that even at practice (where i had way less rights i mind you. i couldnt do anything i was under the thumb of my teachers. at work i can just..quit.)

finally after everything...i speak up. and what do i get? laughed at my face and belittled. as always. this is fucking why i don't trust anyone. this is why my parents don't know anything at me. i'm a joke to them. anytime i speak up about anything small or big - i am ignored and pushed to the side as either "too sensitive" or that "thats not a problem". seriously all health problems to show up are ONLY treated at home. never at a doctor.

oh try to set boundaries? omg ur so sensitive i was JOKING ur so whiny. so sensitive. arent u an adult now? jesus.

like do they realize this is the reason why i don't speak up ever. why i am the way i am? just because you can't see it or feel it doesn't mean it's real. just because it 'CAN BE CURED AT HOME' doesn't mean i shouldn't see a doctor about it. (not to mention my mental health - physical health issues are more frequent. my emotional needs and my boundaries and comfort has always, ALWAYS, been ignored and belittled)

i know literally nothing about how this world works, i cannot just leave, i'd doom myself. that's why i gotta deal with this a little longer. and it's fucking agonizing especially as of today to have even more confirmations that my issues aren't gonna be taken seriously. oh im too hyperactive and silly to have REAL problems.

i fucking hate this and i'm getting really bad thoughts again, ones that i haven't had in forever. like. if i was hurt more people would listen to me, finally. like hurt and abused harder or having some accident happen to me. maybe then they'd listen. i wouldn't let that happen, of course. but i think about it sometimes. maybe then it'd be serious enough for me to be taken seriously, too. i'm so tired of this.

is support from the only people i have in my physical life aside from my ONLY friend too much to ask for? i'd say 'then they wonder why i spend all day online', but thankfully they never ask. in fact, they let the internet do the job of raising me for them for the most part!

it's a fucking mess.

#vent #also anytime i speak of my parents #i usually mean mom #i never speak to my dad he speaks to me first #i have very bad issues with my dad hes not a good person #i avoid him #but if i ever wanted to set boundaries theyre ignored. theyre a joke to him. its a game for him to break them then laugh. then make #himself the victim when mom and i stand up against him being an jackass. #fun!