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nori-the-cat · 1 month

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can u do sungchan as a bf

Why is this so high in demand? Ladies and gents, are we collectively thirsty for him??? (Me too.) and yes, I'm doing this reading for us curious and thirsty ladies and gents.

RIIZE Jung Sungchan as a Boyfriend

Was he okay with me doing this reading? Yes. But he was at first a little hesitant and ironically shy and pretty sweet.

Remember, this is just my interpretation based on the tarot spread. All of this are alleged and for entertainment purposes only. Take it with a grain of salt.

So, what is Sungchan like a boyfriend?

Cards: knight of cups, five of cups, the chariot, page of cups, the hierophant, seven of cups, ten of wands, the empress, three of wands, ace of wands, six of swords, the devil, and eight of pentacles.

I said he's sweet, right? He is actually a sweet guy. There are cup(s) cards in this reading. I often associate the cup(s) card with emotions and Sungchan is an emotional guy.

Is your type a man who is in tune with his emotions? Someone dominant and masculine? The kind of guy who takes the lead and initiates things? A reliable man? Well, Sungchan is a total keeper.

He seems like the kind of guy who really gets you, you know? Like, for example, he can tell when you're feeling down and will always be there to cheer you up or just listen if you need to vent.

He's aware of you and your surroundings. You won't have to worry about feeling neglected. He's most likely going to notice if you change your hair or make-up. The kind of boyfriend who is super supportive and sweet.

Imagine this scenario: You're having a tough day at work or university and feeling discouraged. You meet Sungchan for coffee and vent about your frustrations. He listens patiently, validates your feelings, and offers words of encouragement.

When things get rough, Sungchan's the kind of guy who totally gets it. He's there for you, no matter what. He would make you feel supported and safe in his arms (and biceps).

Not only that Sungchan seems like a super chill and supportive guy. He's a great listener, so you can vent about anything that's bugging you, and trust me, everyone needs that sometimes. Plus, he totally gets vibes, you know? Like, after a rough day, he'd be the first person to offer a giant hug and words of encouragement that make you feel ten times better. Sounds like a dream boyfriend, right? That's what Sungchan want to make you feel. He wants you to think he's the partner of your dream.

However, it's not easy to be with Sungchan. I also think he knows it's not easy for him either.

Sungchan wouldn't go into a relationship just because he's interested or finds the person attractive. In terms of love, he's not much of a risk-taker. He values tradition and commitment, and seeking other's opinions is important to him.

So, he might be the type to consider his parents' or friend's opinion before dating someone. I'm assuming he wants to be validated for the decision he makes. But it could also mean the person he dates is not just someone he loves and cares for. For Sungchan, his partner is a part of his life and someone he integrates into his daily routine. He wants them to be accepted in his surroundings or community.

I would say, being in a relationship is a pretty big deal for him. Regardless of the validation or not, he will most likely ask his closest ones about their opinion on his partner (you).

When Sungchan loves, he loves hard. Hence, valuing the opinion of others and not just his own is something he would do. Maybe he was raised that way? Is South Korean society influencing him? I don't know. But, for him, this leads to overthinking and indecisiveness as well as the tendency to people please.

In a relationship, this aspect of him would cause some friction. There could be miscommunications and arguments. Imagine you and Sungchan are planning a weekend getaway. You've both researched different destinations and activities, each with its own appeal. Sungchan might get overwhelmed by the options and have difficulty picking just one. He might spend a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of each location, even after you've discussed them together.

He is also overly responsible and takes on too much. I'm sure the fans know how many times his members have said he is the reliable one. So in a relationship, it is like he might be taking the burden when the relationship goes sour and causing him to be overwhelmed.

Personally, in a relationship, I find Sungchan to be a great guy, but sometimes he could go into overdrive. He might try to fix everything, which can be a bit much, you know? Also, he is a little bit of a perfectionist. He might want the relationship to feel and look perfect. But, no relationship is perfect? Well, tell that to Sungchan.

In another light, his perfection could translate to him feeling unsatisfied or often worried about the future. So, think about planning, like him planning a future together with you.

As a partner or significant other, he isn't just in it for a good time. He's looking for the real deal, someone to build a future with. We're talking relationship goals, not just Netflix and chill.

He's the 'I'm in a relationship to get married'. He is in it for the long run.

Despite preferring a long-term and serious relationship. Sungchan gets bored pretty easily. He needs the relationship to have some dynamic. He likes routines, but he much prefers to have some unexpected plan once in a while. Whether it's a morning road trip or going for mountain climbing, Sungchan needs excitement in his life. This is because he enjoys trying new things with his partner (you), keeping the spark alive and creating lasting memories. Basically, he wants to keep the relationship exciting.

Now, say, he's in a long-term relationship with you. Sungchan is all about being a good boyfriend. He's got your back no matter what, and your happiness is his number one priority. He is really about making the relationship feel good and look good, so making you happy is a part of his plan. Like, he wouldn't dream of ditching plans for guys' night if you needed a Netflix marathon and takeout.

Another side of him that I notice in this reading and around Shotaro is how clingy and somewhat possessive he is to the people he is close with. This side of him might be visible in a romantic relationship. Sungchan might get a liiittle jealous sometimes, you know? Like, maybe blowing up your phone when you're out with the girls or needing some reassurance every now and then. Nothing major, but just something to be aware of.

Sungchan's love language:

Sungchan's love language is most likely Acts of Service.

Being there for his partner: He's dependable and reliable, taking the initiative to cheer someone up or lend an ear.

Prioritizing his partner's happiness: This could involve things like cancelling plans to spend time together or planning exciting activities to keep the spark alive.

Taking responsibility: He takes on a lot and tries to "fix" things, demonstrating his commitment to the relationship's well-being.

Additional information:

Sungchan's energy is pretty overwhelming for me. I'm not going to lie that I feel a little intimidated. It's like he's trying to scare me away? I'm not scared, but intimidated? Defo. I had to take a break from doing this reading by distracting myself and doing other things.

I also think his intimidating face or cold-looking expression is a mask. He might be a super sensitive guy and uses the least unattractive expression to hide this side of him. He's also SUPER masculine. SUPER DOMINEERING too. His dominant energy was very much felt during the reading.

As the reading progresses, he gets more comfortable and that's when I realised it was okay to do this reading.

Also, him as a boyfriend reminds me of Taylor Swift's song Fearless and in particular the line "But you're just so cool. Run your hands through your hair." I'm pretty sure I've seen it somewhere. A picture or fan video of him running his hand through his hair and he looked hot. That's how I thought of Fearless as the song that matches his vibe as a boyfriend. The song Baby I'm Yours by Artic Monkeys also reminds me of him.

Channelled songs:

#kpop #riize #kpop tarot #riize tarot #riize sungchan #sungchan riize #nori tarot #riize x reader #riize scenarios #riize imagines #riize fluff #jung sungchan #sungchan x reader #sungchan imagines #sungchan fluff #kpop reading #tarot reading #tarot

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bumblinv · 1 year

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𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚 !

--- hugs they give after a bad day

pairing ; neteyam, lo'ak, kiri, tsireya, rotxo, ao'nung x gn!platonic!reader

based on this request

the almost huggers

i can't see him as the hugger typa guy. their awkward looking, one arm hold around your shoulder, might have looked like they doesn't give a fuck. but trust me, they care deeply. they're just isn't great at expressing feelings through touches

they'll make you overthink cause they would disappear after the hug. you would think that the hug made them uncomfortable, that they distances themselves. but your thoughts dies away at the sight of a hand woven bracelet greeting you by your marui

they care for you, just not that great with hugs. and for lo'ak, its probably because he isn't used to give nor rechieve them :"

ao'nung, lo'ak

the passionate huggers

oh to be hugged by them

being ao'nungs other side of the coin means they hug people on a daily basis. meeting you? a hug. saying goodbye by the end of the day? a hug. even a good morning/night hug is mandatory to them. absolute sweethearts. you could just imagine the moment you come to them after a long day,

the two of you are usually just excited to meet one another to share a quick friendly hug. but when they notice your usual happy smile is not seen, a frown was made on their faces. they won't spare any second to wrap their arm around you and bring you to a tight hug. your face would be on their shoulder, their cheek resting on your head as soft spoken reassurances being whispered to your ear,

"hey don't worry. i'm here. you're okay"

if you start to cry, they would hold you through it. soothing fingers combing to through your hair with an arm embracing you as your cries calmed down

tsireya, rotxo

the protective huggers

their hugs aren't as long nor as quick as the others, but the warm embraces they offer never failed to make you feel protected. their arms embracing your entire body, wrapping by your back to give you a big, warm hug. you could feel their entire emotion rushing through by the simple act, despite them being silent through the entire time,

when you're with me nothing could hurt you. don't worry

when your cries had calmed down, they would break away from the hug to wipe your tears with their fingers and asked you to wait. they went running and back to you under a minute, bringing everything they know would make you feel better,

kiri would keep you by her side as she makes you a calming herbal tea, as you both talk about whatever's in your mind. oh, you don't want to talk about it? don't worry. she won't even mention a thing until you bring it out yourself

while neteyam, he's back to you with soft blankets and a drink, maybe even food if you ask for some. then both of you would lay down by the floor of the forest and name stars you see at the night sky

neteyam, kiri

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originalgenshinscenarios · 4 months

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Hi, I read your rules and I don’t think my request breaks anything. If it does I apologize.

I would like to request platonic headcanons for a sickly!sibling reader who was born with a weak constitution with Jean, barbara, ningguang and Ayaka.

Please and thank you.

It doesn't! I'm very happy about writing familial and platonic stuff :3

Jean, Barbara, Ninguangg and Ayaka with a sickly sibling

Reader here is gender neutral

Jean

There isn't a time where she isn't worried about you. She knows you're capable and all... But she just can't help but overthink sometimes.

Luckily at least Barbara can take care of you on daily basis, but she still wants you to know that you can rely on her too.

Your relationship is rather awkward, but it's easy to see how much Jean is trying her best during each of your interactions.

You still have a long way, but in the end as family you look out for each other in every way you can. Especially since Jean needs someone to look after her as well.

Barbara

You and Jean meant everything to her, so while she didn't spend much time with Jean she gave all that focus to you.

She knew how to take care of your condition since forever. There wasn't a time where she felt clueless about what to do in certain situations when your illness took a toll on you.

That and her abilities made for perfect support. She always made sure to also cheer you up when you needed it. Although she often worried she might say something wrong.

But she never did so. You could always count on her encouragement... That's why you felt bad that she was so nervous about possibly offending you.

Ninguangg

Ever since you were young she always took care of you. She never wanted you to wonder if you'll have enough Mora for medical treatment and such.

Of course you hated feeling like such a burden to her. Seeing how she had to find ways to earn Mora just to keep the two of you going.

You helped her in any way you could, and such upbringing only made your present bond stronger.

Although she was busy, she always made sure to have time for you. You're her family, and you're the most important person to her.

The last thing she'd do is to make you feel forgotten. She always reminds you to take your medication, you always eat together, and at least once a week you have a day where the two of you have some sibling bonding.

Ayaka

As she recently began going to different places, experiencing new things she always brings you along with her.

If your condition gets worse, she's willing to skip on some events because she'd never let you feel lonely or forgotten.

Either that or she tells you literally everything you want to know about her outing. She doesn't miss out a single detail and when possible she even brings a few photos.

You can always count on her, Thoma and Ayato (whenever he's home) but it's obvious that you're the closest to Ayaka.

~Mod Lisa

#familial relationships #sibling reader #jean genshin #jean genshin impact #jean gunnhildr #barbara gunnhildr #barbara genshin impact #gi barbara #barbara gi #ayaka kamisato genshin impact #ayaka kamisato #genshin ayaka #kamisato ayaka #ayaka genshin impact #ningguang genshin #gi ningguang #ningguang genshin impact #genshin ningguang

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yukina-otome · 2 years

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Chevalier election story's translation: A king's wish

Hello everyone! I hope you'll all love this story as much as I did.

Chevalier is the king of the country of art and roses.

He is a wise king who listens to the voices of the people and fulfills their wishes by making quick decisions and implementing them immediately.

Even I, his lover, has been granted so many wishes so far.

However, Chevalier never asks for anything and rarely expresses his wishes.

And the content of the wishes he expressed from time to time were all too selfless.

(And for me, that’s unacceptable….)

Chevalier: In short, you can’t stand it, can you?

Chevalier: You think it is unfair for me to keep granting the people's wishes, without ever granting mine.

Chevalier: But you should already know that my wish has already been fulfilled.

Chevalier: Yet you still kept worrying your pretty brain about it. You really are a fool.

MC: ……Were my thoughts written all over my face again?

It was during the brief moment I got to spend with Chevalier every day after his duties.

Inside his personal library, I was sitting on his lap while reading a book.

And without any warning he completely read my mind again.

Chevalier: You are just that easy to read.

Chevalier: You can’t hide anything from me anyways so just save us some time and say what’s on your mind.

(He might actually be right….)

I closed my book and looked up toward Chevalier.

MC: As you said I know I might be overthinking this.

MC: And I know that your ultimate wish is for me to always stay by your side.

Chevalier: ………

MC: But…..it’s just that me being by your side is a natural thing at this point.

Chevalier: Ah I see. So what you mean by a wish is something that isn’t part of my everyday life?

Chevalier: So for you it seems like I am only unilaterally making other people’s wishes true without actually ever getting in return and that upsets you.

MC: Yes…..

(I have been wondering how I can repay Chevalier for all his hard work and kindness.)

Even if he feels like this is me overthinking it, I just want to do something for him.

Because I love him.

(But…..Is it foolish of me to think that way?)

I know very well that there is nothing more Chevalier wants than to spend time with me.

I furrowed my eyebrow and his long fingers flickered my forehead.

Chevalier: Since you insist on making my wishes come true, can I ask for one thing?

MC: Oh? Really?

Seeing my excitement, his perfect lips rose into a smile.

Chevalier: Tomorrow, go to the city.

MC: The city….? Is there a new book you want me to buy for you?

Chevalier: No. Just spend a normal day in the city. There is no need for you to do anything special.

MC: What?

Chevalier: You said you would grant me any wish, right?

MC: Is that all you want? For me to spend time in the city?

Chevalier: Yes. If you can’t even grant me that wish then there is no need for us to discuss this topic anymore.

MC: I got it. If that is what you really want.

(I have no idea what it is but I'm sure you have something in mind.)

(But i don’t feel like this is his real wish…)

I lay my head down on his chest and he awkwardly touched my cheek with his hand.

Chevalier: I do have one more wish. Even if you are a simpleton you can guess what it is, right?

(When he touches me this way I know for sure what he wants.)

I put my hand on his cheek and gave him a light peck on his lips.

I tried to pull back but he grabbed the back of my head and deepened the kiss.

Those beasty hungry kisses that make my knees go weak are already part of my daily life.

Being loved that way everyday was natural to me and that daily life we built together was so precious.

Chevalier: This alone is enough for me.

MC: That’s because you are not greedy enough.

Chevalier: You only say that because you haven't noticed.

Chevalier: Compared to before, now that I am human I feel much more greedy.

(Even the money Chevalier spends on himself is so little, I feel like it’s okay for him to be more greedy.)

(Or maybe it’s only because I didn't realize how greedy he can actually be.)

The next day, I went to the city just as Chevalier had asked.

I saw Jin walking surrounded by voluptuous women.

Clavis going around pranking people.

Licht and Yves who were patrolling the city.

Leon passed by quickly by carriage.

And sariel who seemed to be in a good mood as he bought a new pair of glasses.

I was able to meet a lot of acquaintances. It was a very enjoyable and lovely stroll.

When the sun was setting I came back to the castle and walked the magnificent corridors toward the throne room.

I actually visited his room first only to find a beautifully written letter telling me to go to the throne room.

And since the Chevalier sitting on the throne was not my chevalier but Chevalier the king of Rhodolite, I was feeling kind of nervous.

I stood before the huge door guarded by two knights and took a deep breath.

The knights opened the door for me and I walked toward the throne.

Inside the huge room, there was no one but Chevalier who sat on the throne, his chin resting on his hand.

(It seems he is already done with today’s work)

I heard the door closing behind me as I walked on the crimson carpet toward Chevalier.

I was so nervous I unconsciously kneeled before the king and he let out a stunned sigh.

Chevalier: I asked you to come to the throne room because it was more efficient. There is no need for you to kneel down.

Chevalier: More importantly, report to me everything you saw and felt today during your trip to the city. Including the smallest details.

MC: Okay. But most of it are just meaningless stories.

Chevalier: That is for me to decide.

(Well if that’s the case then….)

I stood at the foot of the stairs in front of the throne and started telling him about my day in the city.

Chevalier listened quietly.

But the more I talked the more I felt that my stories were quite banal and that made me feel uneasy.

(Maybe what he really wanted from me was to inspect the city in his stead…)

(Or maybe he meant for me to find him something interesting.)

(So I wonder if my mediocre stories will satisfy him….)

Chevalier: There is no need for you to overthink.

MC: Oh, I’m sorry.

(I got caught again…)

Chevalier let out a sigh and beckoned me to come closer.

(....?)

I climbed the stairs and as soon as I got within arm reach he pulled me toward him.

MC: King Chevalier!!

I was sitting on his lap, facing him and my heart leapt to my throat.

This was not appropriate for the sacred place that is the throne room.

Chevalier: Do you have a problem?

MC: This is the throne!

Chevalier: And why is that a problem? By the end of the day it’s just a chair.

(Only Chevalier would dare to call the throne where hundreds of Kings sat, a mere chair.)

He put his big hand on my cheek , not allowing anything else to distract my attention from him.

My eyes met his and everything else in the world disappeared.

(We are so close there is no way I can think of anything else but him…..)

Chevalier: Continue…..but I am tired of hearing about my stupid brother.

TN: He means Clavis.

MC: Ah, then I shall tell you about Licht and Yves! Actually….

I kept speaking and I could see in Chevalier’s eyes that he was not bored at all.

(The stories I’m telling him are so banal yet he’s listening to me so seriously…)

MC: And that’s about all. How was it?

Chevalier gave me a satisfied smile.

Chevalier: I am satisfied. It was a very valuable and precious story.

MC: Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

(He never gives compliments if he does not mean them so it must be true that he enjoyed my storytelling.)

I’m happy he liked it but I still don't understand how this can be what he wishes for…..

Chevalier stroked my cheek gently as if he could see all of my inner thoughts.

Chevalier: This is not so complicated.

Chevalier: The stories that you might find without value are valuable to me.

Chevalier: I think you’ll understand if you think about it this way.

Chevalier: What you see as ordinary and normal daily life is not normal for me.

MC: What?

Chevalier: It would be extraordinary and almost impossible for me to go out and walk around the city as easily as you did.

TN: Awww i think he knows he’ll frighten everyone with his cold face alone and would not be able to appreciate what the city is truly like.

(That’s true…..none of the stories I told him were ordinary for Chevalier.)

(Chevalier’s daily life spent sitting on the throne and ruling as a king seems extraordinary to me.)

(So for him, my daily life must seem extraordinary too.)

Chevalier: It’s not much different from novels and books. The literature that revolves around a character's daily life and the story about your daily life that you just told me are of equal value.

Chevalier: No…actually, the story that revolves around you is much more interesting to me than the fictional one.

Chevalier: Since I’m very interested in seeing the world from your point of view.

(Now that I think of it…..Chevalier always loved listening to me talk about my days.)

(No matter how ordinary the stories were, he never dismissed me or looked bored.)

I didn’t really notice it because that was also integrated into my daily life.

MC: So your real wish was “Tell me your story.”, right?

Chevalier: Took you long enough to understand, you simpleton.

(Really…..what should i do with this man…)

My heart feels so full of love and happiness.

(It seems like his wish was already part of his everyday life.)

The more I understand the true nature of his wish the happier I get.

(Ah, but i wonder if Chevalier has already foreseen that)

Since every time I am happy, Chevalier’s smile is so warm and humanlike.

There is really no limit to the love we feel for each other.

MC: Chevalier.

Words are not enough to express my feelings so I drop a kiss on his cheek.

Chevalier answered my feelings by giving me a kiss back.

After a while of devouring each other’s lips, Chevalier let out a mean laugh.

Chevalier: Weren’t you worried about us being inappropriate in the throne room?

MC: Ah! That’s right!

(This is not something we should be doing in the throne room.)

I suddenly feel the disapproving gazes of all the previous kings coming from the portraits displayed on the walls.

I jumped out of Chevalier’s lap but he got up and quickly threw me on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

MC: Hey!

Chevalier: Ah….I forgot.

He easily moved my body from his shoulders and carried me in his arms instead.

(I wanted you to put me down, not princess carry me!!)

But I felt how much he cherished me even in that small gesture, so I just swallowed my pride and embarrassment as we passed by the knights guarding the door and let him carry me.

He carried me to his room and dropped me on the bed.

We started expressing our love with our bodies like we always did.

And soon the sky was dark and my body was filled with pleasure.

MC: Ah! Chevalier!

Chevalier: What is it?

His body was on top of mine and he dropped a kiss on my forehead.

Our eyes locked.

All I can see in his beautiful eyes is love.

MC: Will you listen to my stories again?

MC: A lot of stories that only I can tell you about.

(If that makes him happy then I shall tell him a lot of stories.)

Chevalier: Simpleton.

He brushed the hair sticking to my forehead and let out a laugh.

Chevalier: I believe in equivalent exchange. If you want to please me, tell me a story.

Chevalier:.....But there are many other things i want from you. You understand what I mean, right?

MC: I do.

MC: I want to be able to grant all of your wishes.

(Because I want you to always be happy.)

I put my arms around his neck and pulled his body on mine.

I closed my eyes as I felt my body slowly melting into his.

The drained MC fell asleep.

The king, who was once known as the cruel beast, smiled softly as he gently stroked her body that was littered with love bites.

Chevalier: I bet you have no idea. You have much more to offer me than I can even dream of offering you.

Chevalier: You thinking that I am only granting your wishes unilaterally is pure nonsense.

Chevalier: No matter how much I grant your wishes, I can never repay you for what you gave me.

Chevalier: In the first place, there is nothing more valuable to me than “this”

Wondering what kind of dream she is having, he drops a kiss on her face and smiles happily.

The king does not express his love on a daily basis, but when MC sleeps he always tells her everything that he feels for her.

MC never noticed and it will remain his little secret.

Chevalier: There is no end to how much I desire you.

Chevalier: You call me selfless but to me, who was once a beast, just you being by my side is luxury.

He hugged her tightly as he kept dropping words into her ear.

With a gentle smile, without even a shadow of a cruel beast he whispered.

Chevalier: Stay by my side, forever.

THE END

If you like my work and would like to reward me please buy me a coffee!

#ikemen prince #chevalier michel #ikepri #ikeprince #ikepri chevalier #ikemen prince chevalier michel #ikemen prince chevalier #ikeprince chevalier #Yukina translates

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wikipedie · 11 months

Text

. Please heed the warnings. Protect your mental health. Shortly, I am fine and will not do anything, this is just a general rambling.

Do not worry. I will not do anything. I just want to ramble about how I find funny that when I am better because of long term medication, and I think and wonder "why do I even need medication anymore"

and then I am terribly exhausted because of poor sleep choices and not taking my meds consistently for a while; and I am overthinking and overthinking and irritated and make some mistakes and I sit in the subway with the eyes closed and I think I should kill myself and it makes sense for like two seconds and I can almost envision it

and then I remember. Ah. That's why we're taking meds.

It's strange that I can vaguely remember a time when these sort of thoughts were common occurrence. Daily even. And I'd just fight with them. And I am so exhausted and on edge, I feel like crying but I do not have enough in me to cry. But it's just wild that...I don't think I will ever not struggle with this. And it's wild that there are people out there who do not struggle with it. Theoretically, at least. Theoretically there are people who do not consider the idea of killing themselves, no matter what they do. And I think, for me, it's just been a thing for so long, I don't think I can ever pretend it's not. I think it will ever completely not seem like an option to me. Because I take meds. And I take meds precisely so this doesn't become an option for me. And the moment I am inconsistent with meds, it becomes an option again. No matter how much I might deserve to live.

I think I should've noticed the warnings of suicidal ideation creeping back in earlier, considering I've been thinking about how it would be for people around me if I died more often (I consider sometimes how it would be for the people who love me if I died, and for new people who get to know me and it's not too bad. But when it repeats itself often enough, it doesn't take long to imagine by suicide.) And I've also been mentioning more how I would've killed myself in college if there wasn't X thing. I don't really know if it's true. But it puts suicide more in front of my mind. Something that I've been struggling with. And something, that I realise, that I'm still struggling with. Even if my life is good now.

And that's important to mention, for myself at least. I've been telling myself 'of course I wanted to kill myself if I didn't like the life I was living!' but now I do and it's still...there. in the back of my mind. Something that makes sense, at least a little. So it's just...a reminder I guess. This thing doesn't necessarily go away when your life gets better. *Sigh* or maybe I'm saying this because I'm on my period, but you know what, I'll still take it seriously. Suicide ideation during periods is no less serious than in other times.

Anyways, if you got this far, thank you for being here. Do not worry, I will take care of myself. These are just some musings for myself and yourself, if you get any value out of them.

#tw: suicide ideation #tw: medication #personal #tw: suicide mention

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poppywriter · 3 months

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❀ Pansy n°7 = I'm "over"-everything.

To begin, yes, it is tiring. It’s impossibly tiring to be this prone to overwhelming.

It never was a secret that I am an overthinker. Like my brain literally never f*cking stops, always fuming and reeling. It caused me too many insomnias - the images, sounds, memories and information in my head running and distorting without break. It’s insufferable.

Yet, that's not all. Sadly it is also difficult to survive overthinking on a daily basis. Especially in a social environment. My brain is just… dying. The world feels and seems constantly against me. I always think that everyone around me is watching and judging my every move. Looking out for the small moments when I’ll mess up and be cringe.

So it’s difficult to allow myself to act as I want because I feel like I will be judged and hated either way, never belonging to the unity. Like I am bound to stand out, to be left out by the social group. To try and avoid that, my brain analyzes everything and everyone but often is irrational. Because I over analyze how people see me, what they might think or feel; but in the end I am just projecting my fears onto them way too much. Yet, I end up stuck, struggling to fit in, alone up in my head thinking I’m not interesting, weird, not worth anyone’s time and hated by everyone.

Nice right ? :)

My mind just tricks me to believe that I am the worst and cringiest person in the world. I have been told before that I question myself too much. In fact, I prefer to - and cannot help but - analyze every situation in which I could be the source of a problem before blaming the other party. I also try to find many excuses for others. Maybe I am too gullible and try too much to see the good in people, or that I’ve been used to caring for others before myself. The problem with this is that unconsciously I expect the same train of thought from others when most times it is not the case. Sadly, it ended up hurting me as it is easy for people to take advantage of my overthinking.

→ Toxic people (narcissistic perverts…) like to make you feel guilty - often through gaslighting - and overthinkers are the pros for that… :/

However, my cousin has been teaching me to find the positive side of those habits that I don’t like. And I came to the conclusion that this habit made me more observant and that when my worries are communicated it makes for good and deep conversations. Apparently it also makes people question themselves more - or so I’ve been told :/.

Therefore I try to be more kind to myself and calm my overthinking by communicating. It’s not easy everyday… But it is so important. As important as speaking about your feelings.

I’m still learning how good it is for oversensitive people like me. I’ve always struggled to speak up about my emotions because I always thought they didn’t have value or importance or even that I was being overdramatic, faking it. it was like I never had a good enough reason to express myself and make people lose time on me, like I’m not worth it.

So I always second guess myself and think about the true worth of communicating what’s bothering me. Because if it’s little and I’m just blowing it or that in the end it turns out I was tricking myself and faking it unconsciously, I’ll just feel ultra guilty of wasting someone’s time and energy. Especially as I strive to make people around me feel good, safe, heard and comfortable (with me). And I know I tend to blow things out of proportion. Like I feel horrible when someone makes a tiny and precise criticism about my work even though I did all the rest well. Because it’s like I disappoint them by not doing good enough.

The problem with me is that “good enough” has to be as close to “perfect” as possible. Simply because if I put energy in it I should go 100% and nail it. If it’s not the case then why waste time and embarrass myself ? Though I’ve been trying to understand - more to assimilate - that everyone’s 100% is different and even that every day’s 100% is different. And that’s completely okay and normal.

I’ve just been taught at school that you have to keep a high constant of activity even though it’s obviously not possible.

Disappointing people is one of my greatest fears. I think that might be why I take things too personally all the time. So many times I tear up when someone makes a remark to a group I belong to, and even if I shouldn’t feel concerned I question myself and feel horrible. “I should’ve thought of it.”“I should’ve done it.”“I didn’t do good.” I hardly let myself fail as I haven’t failed much. So I pressure myself to keep my high average by being the most excellent. Yet I can hardly hold on anymore… It’s logical that I end up burned out. I overdid it and now I'm over it.

I am over with life.

At least that is what I think a lot but I’m working on it. I am trying to be done with being over-pessimistic. It’s not over for me, and if it’s not for you either, dear reader… Then,...

Let’s get over it together <3.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

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lutawolf · 2 years

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Heyy Lovely Mrs. Queen Luta M’am,

Baby ADHD sub again! I was literally so happy when you responded to my last ask AND said I sounded like the iconic coconut mafia! 😭

I’m back again after reading another ask about Phayu/Rain and their acts of service plus you and your husband. I wanted to ask if (in general or for you or just as recommendation for my crazy brain) how you kind of grow into those daily routines. I feel like I’d benefit a lot from not having to make certain decisions like picking my clothes due to my anxiety and overthinking, but I’m also incredibly picky at times so I’d just be unhappy if my dom picked something that I don’t feel was right that day. Does this just come with growing to know the person or would you say that’s part of really letting someone help make decisions for you? While I’m an incredibly sarcastic brat, I worry that someone would just get annoyed when I feel I’d get annoyed at things? And it’s not always specific things, like the act of cooking; it would be like me getting frustrated not having an ingredient then spiraling and getting pissy as a whole. I don’t know if this all made sense, but I’d still love to hear your thought (as always) on whatever you could understand of my rambles. Thanks!!!! 💙

P. S. you and your husband sound really cute together 🥰

Hey Hey sub baby!!!

You really do sound like a coconuts mafia. 🤣

Honestly a sub wants to please their Dom. It's a natural inclination to the point of checking in or they get anxious. If you are concerned that you may get irritated with a decision the Dom has made, then a lifestyle D/s relationship might not be for you. What I'm about to say might sound harsh but I want you to be happy so I'm going to keep it blunt and real.

Lifestyle isn't for everyone. It means being D/s, having control or giving up control 24/7 and some people only want to do this for short periods of time. Which is fine but that would make you more of a scene D/s. In which you have complete control or give up complete control for a short period of time.

You really need to take time to figure yourself out and what you want before you even approach a Dom. It's okay to have questions but it's not okay to figure it out on someone else. Being a Dom doesn't equate to being an asshole. We have feelings too and we are always thinking of yours. You've heard of bad Doms but there can be bad submissives. You'll hear some subs go, "my Dom didn't teach me." Is that right or you didn't want to do it and you didn't take the time to listen. Lifestyle takes just as much time and effort on a sub's part as it does the Dom's. If I say, pick out two outfits and then ask me and I hear from you the day of and then we are figuring things out. Well you didn't really listen did you? You didn't communicate did you? There is a lot that goes into lifestyle and it's not just the Dom that has to put the work in. If you're not willing to give your full effort...

A lot of times a scene sub or vanilla will ghost a Dom because they can't handle it. They can't handle that there are times we will ask you for something that you might not like. To test you. Again, we aren't assholes. If you communicate your feelings, we'll talk it over. The issue is sometimes we are going to override just to see if you're able to do it and how serious we mean to you. Take Payu having Rain sit there for hours. Sometimes it's to see if you will communicate. If you're paying attention. If my praise and willingness to reward is more important to you than a minor irritation. The key to a lifestyle is communication, a willingness to ask questions before you hit uncertainty. It's a lot of work and we will test you to see if you will do it. Then we get to a point where it's better because you've communicated.

My husband might say, "hun, I really don't want to wear this because it feels kind of itchy." Before I might have told him tough shit just to see if what was more important to him but now. I'll pick him out something else because I don't want him uncomfortable all day. Not in this area at least, lol.

The lifestyle is only rewarding for those that have a mindset that it works with. It's hard work even then but the rewards far outweigh at least to us they do. Hope this was helpful 💜💜💜

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daisys-reality · 2 years

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i’m going to try my best to explain this hopefully it isn’t confusing

have you ever been in a cycle of doubting your power despite having your power prove itself to you over and over again? i know that i’m powerful but it feels like i’m in an endless cycle of knowing my power doubting my power falling victim to the 3D overthinking and over analyzing everything within the 3D resulting it effecting my 4D causing panic overthinking and unwanted thoughts then telling myself that i got this but having the process start over and over again

i want the best for myself but i’m not quite sure how to go about it i don’t want to have a victim mentality anymore i don’t want to constantly repeat the same cycle over and over again because it’s exhausting and part of me feels like not everyone understands that most of us don’t want to be victims anymore and believe it or not it’s scary

Don't worry your explanation was fine, I get you.

I've been through such circles too, but it happens alot less (thank god). I used to be a full time overthinker and more often than not a "realist" because I've been told dozen of times that I should be more realistic and less delusional when I was younger... Guess what happened then :')

As a child, I was a daydreamer and optimistic that I can do anything I want to but I lost that spirit a bit while growing up because I was pressured to suppress it. As a result I created the habit of overthinking and questioning certain things and I was more careful with who I share my thoughts with - to not be judged or called 'delusional' again... God I hated that word so much in the past because of the way it was said to me (with a negative connotation).

I had a victim mindset too because it made the pain and "the void" (not the void you think) within me more bearable. All those years the victim mentality helped me and brought me comfort in a away. So, releasing that mindset was scary for me too. It was a slow process honestly but giving me enough time was the best I could do for me. So, I totally understand you.

In the last 2 years, while working with myself and while getting to know the magical side of this world. I came to accept that 'delusional' side of me. It's just how I am and I truly enjoy daydreaming and fantasizing and being confident in myself and in my skills. I'm not gonna limit myself anymore by other people. And you know what the fact that being delusional makes me even more powerful than all those people who judged me for it, makes it even more better.

I freed myself from that "realistic" box thinking. This world is magical and limitless - and you are one of the few people who get to know about it. That's like a huge secret revealed! Ofc you might be sceptical at first but I tell you this is real!

You know people sometimes say be careful with overconsuming information which I agree with to some point. But I personally feel like the more loa content is a daily topic for me, the normal it becomes to me. (Mind you, I only use tumblr and pinterest as social media and nothing else atm.) Of course I don't read all the new info posts or methods but seeing so many people talking about it daily like it's a super normal everyday topic for this society makes it more normal and true for me and my formerly anxious mind too.

Also, another thing I did was asking for signs of confirmation. One of them was angel numbers to show me that I'm on the right track and I get to see really a lot of angel numbers which just gives me confidence and random boost of happiness throughout the day😭❤️ You know you can just ask for something small or big it doesn't matter but it'll definitely keep you optimistic especially when you have an anxious mind!

In addition, I think it would be better if you don't see it as "repeating the circle" or "starting over again" because even if it feels like that to you, you still made progress and you're not starting from the same point of view. Try to see the progress you make and appreciate it more. And pls don't undermine it. You're constantly moving closer to your desires, there is no way that you move back or stand still- at least not energy wise... There is always only forward movement.

- daisy 🌼

#🌼 talking #anon ask #ৎ୭ #loa #loassumption #manifesting #manifestation #god state #void state #t.asks #t.advice #t.personal #t.loa

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abeyyabhishekh · 1 year

Text

Knock knock.

Hey Abhishekh. You alive ?

It's me, overthinking. Come on, you can't ignore me because at the end of the day you'll be looking for solace but discover confusion in my arms. So, let me mislead you as I always have.

Okay, so first things first, here's your daily dose of your recurring fear of failure. I'll double the magnitude since you have assignments due and seem to ignore the existence of your upcoming exams. Good, now that I've successfully wasted half an hour of your day, let's talk about all the embarassing moments you have had till date. Remember, we need to talk about these in detail.

Let's go back to the the argument you had with your friend a month ago, and let me make you reminisce how badly you lost. Ah, I see your dark circles and I'm almost done writing your one-sided love story.

I know you like to spend time with me and I like it too, and that's why I'll motivate you to read all the course books only when it's time to sleep. I'll make you think of the best topic of all time when you don't have pen and paper around you.

Now that you are holding your phone you might as well go though the texts that you've been re-reading for the past six-seven days trying to decipher some hidden meaning behind it. See, your parents, friends, family, everyone around you, has begun to notice that you've thrown productivity out of the window so it's better to be prepared for a good scolding. I know I'm cruel.

I'm done ruining your day and it's time to look for someone else. Don't worry Abhi, I'll be back and let our toxic relationship thrive. Till then, take care because it's important for you to survive this night to suffer more, tomorrow. I'll make you suffer as hell out here, so that one day, you'll choose the escape yourself and commit it. It's a promise.

Have a bad night.

#life #overthinking #anxeity #depression #toxic #hell

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free--therapy · 3 months

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Hi it's anon again!

I've sort of asked about this before I think but I've been wondering about certain things related to anxiety and stuff.

Anxiety is something everyone experiences, right? Like getting very nervous, worrying a lot over something, overthinking, panicking a bit in certain situations, etc. And from what I've learnt in the last three years, when all of those "symptoms" get too frequent or to put it simply, when they start disrupting or negatively affecting daily life, we call it a disorder, right? Like any anxiety disorder- could be gad, ocd, panic disorder, ptsd, etc. I'm not too sure though but that's my general understanding.

You know how I've mentioned about me not liking labels before? I've been wondering....suppose a person gets diagnosed with any anxiety disorder, I'm assuming, in those cases, most times, the person does have their daily life or functioning affected in a certain way, is it not?

Hmm then when can we say that person no longer has that disorder? What I mean is, a person isn't going to completely forget their thoughts or worries or triggers, right? Even in recovery, there's bound to be times where someone sees/hears something triggering which might make them worry or make them anxious for a small while. Does that mean their "disorder" never went away? Or like.....do they have their diagnosis back? Umm I don't know how to explain this properly tbh.

For example, if a person has a GAD diagnosis but then they work through it and start recovering, they learn to not react too anxiously in regards to most of their symptoms, or don't get as triggered by their symptoms....like getting worried/anxious for a few seconds to minutes but letting it go, then does that count as recovery?

And if that same person, suppose stumbles upon something too triggering which might make them have certain symptoms back for a few days, does that mean they completely relapsed and have their diagnosis back again?

I'm confused by this because most people (those who do not have anxiety disorders) still feel anxiety at a general level, right? Since it's a human thing, a normal emotion/feeling or response to a scary situation. And I'm assuming most people have certain things or topics that make them anxious and make them worry. So for those people, just because they feel anxious when it comes to certain things doesn't mean they have an anxiety disorder, does it? Because that would mean almost everyone has an anxiety disorder which isn't true I guess. So I just wanted to ask about that oh and I'm not asking for a medical or professional opinion of any sort! It's just a genuine question I wonder about sometimes.

If I have to explain my situation.... I've talked many times about how throughout second half of 2020 and more or less 2021 too, I had more anxiety issues but I was in therapy for about half a year and by the beginning of 2022, I was doing much better.

Since 2022, I've had ups and downs ofc. Like moments of worry here and there but also longer periods like the whole July of 2022 was just me worrying and being anxious and overthinking and stuff. But just that one month. After that passed, it was back to like a few small moments of worry/anxiety, at most a day or two or three. Even in 2023, the worrying came back around late June and since then until now, it's been fairly....idk how to say this.....it's been well?

Since July 2023, I've had times where I've worried a lot, or ended up overthinking way too much about really really silly stuff or even had one moment where I almost started feeling shaky from anxiety but it didn't happen because I managed myself well in that moment.

For the most part, for me, it's almost always just excessive worrying and overthinking. Most times, I'll just worry for a few minutes, sometimes it takes me like a day to get over something, sometimes it takes multiple days to a week. A major contributing factor to this is also that I'm home with really no schedule to follow because I've noticed whenever I go out, I pretty much never think about my worries.

Also in the last two months, I've really managed my thoughts well I'd say. Even if a certain "worry" thought comes up, even if it pops up in my mind more than once throughout the day, I don't dwell too much on it or even if I do, I don't do it with fear but try to do it with a curious outlook. And I try to rationalise a little (not too much because that doesn't end well), I try to simplify it and let it go.

To put it simply, I've felt pretty good mentally since 2024 started. I've had occasional worries about the same old topics I always mention to it (just lots of what ifs about my mistakes, if I deserve stuff, about ocd a panic disorder, intrusive thoughts like what ifs and about if anxiety will "ruin" my future, about apologising, if I should be moving on with my life without guilt, etc.) These are all topics that mostly I've always talked about to you so even now when a thought does pop up that makes me worry or anxious, it's almost always related to one of those topics but I can manage it well, that's what I'm saying.

Throughout 2022 and first half of 2023 and last two months, when I say I've been doing good, I mean, worrying intrusive thoughts (like what ifs) do pop up but I don't let them affect me too much, I keep my focus on my ongoing tasks and remind myself that those are just thoughts and old negative thinking patterns. Simply put, I don't let those thoughts take over my day, my week or my life. Something like that.

And I'm assuming that is more or less how someone without any anxiety disorder feels too? Like having certain old/new worries pop up, those worries might come and go throughout their day or week and they might have moments of worry and anxiety over those but they don't let it affect them or their life too much. Isn't that normal for most people?

So if my days or my experience is similar to that for weeks or months, does that mean, my anxiety is no longer "disordered" and back to normal levels more or less? I mean, the "topic" of the worry doesn't really matter, does it? Like for me, it's those topics I mentioned above, for someone else, it might be some other things that they worry about sometimes like finances, health, etc.

And if so, then if somehow it happens that in the future, I end up getting triggered enough that it sends me into an on and off overthinking spiral that lasts for a few days, then will that mean that my anxiety disorder is back? Or will it just be a normal anxiety flare and not that diagnosis which can be labelled again?

Like if you've recovered now and no longer hold that diagnosis which you initially had but still if you might get triggered by something in the future and have an anxiety spiral over it for a few days or so, does that mean you have that disorder that you were diagnosed with again? Or does that simply mean, it's just a longer than usual anxiety spiral but not that anxiety disorder that you used to have before..... something like that.

Because if someone recovers from whatever they were diagnosed with, they still might have times here and there where they think about those things they used to be anxious about, they might get a symptom or two sometimes too because it's not like we are erasing the memory by recovering, right? So any small setback or any time in the future where they have a day (or a few days) worrying or getting anxious about their worries or certain thoughts, doesn't have to mean that they never recovered or that their disorder or diagnosis is back again, does it?

And recovery doesn't mean the complete absence of worries or triggers does it? At least, I think that recovery is more of a habit of outlook of not letting the triggers affect you so much that the anxiety takes over your life again. Like it's natural to have moments of uneasiness and anxiety still about things you thought you were over but just because of that, it doesn't mean that you never recovered or that you are back to your condition again or something, right? That's what I meant....

Am I making any sense? I'm hoping my point reaches across to you because it's a bit hard to explain this.....

Also, you don't have to answer if this makes you uncomfortable in anyway! And as always, thank you for hearing me out 💖

Hey Anon,

Yes, anxiety is something everyone experiences at some point in their life, to varying degrees. It's considered a survival mechanism that we all possess. If it gets to a point where it disrupts your quality of life for longer periods of time, then yes, I'd consider it to be a disorder.

Hmm then when can we say that person no longer has that disorder? What I mean is, a person isn't going to completely forget their thoughts or worries or triggers, right? Even in recovery, there's bound to be times where someone sees/hears something triggering which might make them worry or make them anxious for a small while. Does that mean their "disorder" never went away? Or like…..do they have their diagnosis back? Umm I don't know how to explain this properly tbh.

Anxiety is something that comes in waves. If you know anything about your Autonomic Nervous System, it's made up of 2 divisions: sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest). We're supposed to be in rest-and-digest mode 80% of the time, while fight-or-flight should be 20%. However, someone with anxiety is likely in fight-or-flight mode 70%-100% of the time. When you're able to regulate your nervous system to the point where you're only in that fight-or-flight mode for less than probably 50%, I'd say that you've overcome that disorder. Anxiety is a survival mechanism so it'll never be 0% because our brain will never operate that way for us to be able to react to threats/danger.

As someone who used to suffer from depression, I knew I was healed when I no longer thought about killing myself or wanting to die every day. I knew how to combat the thoughts that used to take me down and win those battles, but also could sustain that. Do I still get depressing thoughts? Yes…but I know how to let them go without it bringing me down to those low places where I would beat myself up or turn to self-destructive behaviors (but it doesn't mean I havent tried doing them in the past!) Things just no longer have the same power as they used to before. That's how I knew.

Recovery is not a linear process, so I get why it's hard to grasp. Given that they learned the proper tools how to handle any triggers, then they just have to apply what they've learned before to get themselves out of this trigger too. Healing is a constant and never-ending battle. I still find myself being triggered here and there with things, but I know how to handle them and disarm them fairly quickly instead of letting it consume me entirely. As you go along in your journey, you should already be well equipped to figure out how to handle things…and even if you can't do it on your own, you should already hopefully have a support network to help give you insight into how you can handle this particular trigger this time. I've never experienced total relapse where I've gone all the way back to the bottom of the staircase. Yes, I've had setbacks, but never to the point where I felt like I should give up and resort back to my destructive and unhelpful behaviors. To me, I found that I wouldn't let myself go back there.

I'm starting to find that the common misconception people feel about "those without anxiety disorders" is that they've never experienced before, but that's not true. A lot of the time, people have learned to copy with them. Just like weight training, the weights never get lighter, YOU just get stronger and are better able to lift them. The weight has never changed, but YOU have. These people (myself included) have learned the right tools to be able to deal with these worries because it's something that will never go away. Like I mentioned above, that fight-or-flight mode is a survival mechanism that will never be 0%

I think you have to be suffering with the anxiety for several months and even years for it to be considered a disorder. I think it's natural to dwell on certain triggering things for some time, but if you're able to eventually overcome it, then no, I wouldn't consider it being something you're diagnosed with again.

And recovery doesn't mean the complete absence of worries or triggers does it?

Recovery means being able to handle the worries and triggers right as they happen and not letting it consume you for long periods of time :) The weight doesn't get lighter, YOU get stronger.

#ask #answered #anon #anxiety #anxiousness #anxious thinking #sympathetic nervous system #parasympathetic nervous system #nervous system #mental health #mood disorders #ocd #obsessive thinking #the healing journey

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diary-of-a-teenage-cultleader · 8 months

Text

Diary Entry #5

Today's Date is Sunday Oct. 15th, 2023. Current time: 12:42 a.m.

Dear Diary, and to anyone who reads this,

So, I'm back, maybe for good, maybe not.

Let's start our story with what's happened in the last 2 years...

J and I fell in love, and we've met twice in person now, even visited his country. He asked me to be his on December 1st, 2021. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up, though he did reject me in the beginning between fear of commitment and my mental instability, which in retrospect, I understand. Which I will explain now.

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, the type of Bipolar where your depressive episodes last longer than your manic episodes. My emotions fluctuate heavily and I tend to switch up daily, though I've been stuck in a depressive episode since I've returned from Europe.

Doll, Leaf, GT and I have started work as sex workers, though GT is taking a step back due to a traumatic event that I'd rather not explain, even if no one reads this.

I've made at least $150 in the last year from sex work alone, and even gained a sub, he's friendly enough but I'd rather not talk about that right now.

I've moved in with my biological father, I basically have the apartment to myself since he's never here and frequently leaves me on my lonesome. I have to learn new hobbies and activities to keep myself from losing my mind.

I've learned to play ukulele, which I'm very proud of, and I've learned to paint, and wood carve. I've discovered a passion for language I never knew I had. I've grown an interest in DnD and hope to create a group soon.

I believe I'm non-binary, I've been having these feelings for the last year and a half now, dressing and flipping between gender presentation really makes me happy, but I still don't relate with the girl identity enough to be genderfluid, though I may be overthinking it.

But enough about me, well, at least talking about random things. I'll tell you about today, if you're still listening:

Today, I chatted with J for a short time today after I woke up late, he seemed reasonably stressed since his mom tends to randomly dump her feelings in random breakdowns recently, making my boyfriend feel as though he needs to constantly do better and he has to help her, I can't tell him that he might be traumatized from always being the emotional step stool for his mom.

So, I've been holding in my emotions about everything I've been feeling lately, as to not burden him, both good and bad. I don't want to be overbearing with my love, and I don't want him to worry about my mental breakdowns over missing him so much. He was upset that I didn't suggest something I should do for him when I left, I think he was stressed about wasting time because I was busy getting ready to go carve pumpkins with my dad's girlfriend's family. I felt terrible since he cancelled his family plans for me, but I even offered to stay and he said no, I just don't know how to help him sometimes, I accidentally got really blunt with him about needing to go to therapy, I just feel like I'm supposed to be his emotional support but he doesn't tell me upfront what he needs sometimes. I get it, it's annoying if you have to do it all the time, but I'm trying my best, and still learning. I'm just scared he's gonna realize that I'm not the best possible partner and leave. Everyone who was important to me left without a word of why. I know I can be problematic sometimes but I swear with every fiber of my being that I am working to make a better man of myself. Especially to him. I even wrote a little poem explaining my feelings over my life at the moment.

I know it may be a bit harsh to read but it's the truth of how my life has been so far, I recognize to others, I will be a burden. I hope to fix this, but if not, I'm not even sure what I would do with myself.

My boyfriend said he wanted to make me feel bad, to help him, I'm not sure if it's toxic or not. I feel like there's some toxic traits from both ends that need to be worked on. I need to stop changing myself for him, I've before put my whole schedule around him, defied my parents for him, nearly abandoned my friends because he didn't like them. I wanted to spend so much time with him. He makes me feel bad sometimes, that I keep him from having friends because I can be a bit jealous, but I told him that I'm not worried about it anymore, I've grown over it. I'm scared I traumatized him. I'm scared that I manipulate him. I don't want to do those things. I never want to hurt him... I'm just so stressed with the idea that I'm a terrible partner. I apologize, this was meant to be a diary entry, not a vent. But back to the entry, I went pumpkin carving and talked with my dad about stuff and it went about as well as talking to my dad usually does, he over shares, but at least I made a cute pumpkin and got s'mores. Which was nice. I'll include pics here:

So I suppose the day didn't end too bad, it just hurt that my bf left me on delivered. He may have fallen asleep. I'll talk to him in the morning but hopefully things can be talked about. Thank you for listening to my rant, whoever could get through this whole thing.

Thanks, Diary

STRD:

RIIST:

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h-c-u · 1 year

Note

Hi G!

Please don't take it as rushing you, but I was wondering how is No longer a secret going? I just love this series so much, and can't wait for the next part. I understand that taking breaks is important and I'm more than ok with waiting.I just wanted to let you know that you have at least one person who refreshes your blog daily to see if its there :) And in the meantime, could you maybe tell us about your writing process?

🐛

Hi Nonnie! Good to see you again in my inbox :3

You have nothing to worry about, I get the curiosity since the last chapter was posted... over a month ago (I didn't realize it was this long, sorry!).

I am actively thinking about it and fleshing out the timeline, characters (both based on real people and created just for the series) and events. I originally intended for it to be just a quick one-shot, and only in those 5 posted parts do I already have some things that don't match with real races, so I'm trying to be more mindful of that.

I have part 6 planned out, but with all honesty - I haven't started writing it yet.

And when it comes to my writing process... welp xD Apparently, I'm unable to write short blurbs.

There are two scenarios when it comes to me actually typing: 1. I sit down without an idea in mind and write like... 4k words in 3 hours, edit, and post it immediately. 2. I overthink and plan every single possible thing before I even start writing. It might take weeks, months, and in some cases - years.

In both scenarios, there is a moment (usually around 3-4 paragraphs in, so fairly soon) when I lose control over the characters, but in a good way; it's like they start to live their own lives, in which I have no say in, and I'm just there to document it. And I love it because it's like watching a movie that is catered just for you.

I also have bazillion playlists catered to series, characters, writing moods, etc. that I've been cultivating for years, and I can't imagine writing without them. Oh, and tea is a necessity.

Also, as I've started mentioning under my stories - I write mostly for myself, so as soon as I start feeling pressure to write or feel guilty for not writing - I'm more than ok with taking a break from it. Like, sure - people interacting with my writing is always super motivating (especially comments, I love talking to people in the comments :3), but I write because it brings me joy and I would like to keep it that way <3

Love, G.

P.S.: Oof, that came out a bit long xD

#ask g.#g's private stuff

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kathollow · 2 years

Text

Oof.

Now's a good time to address how quickly bad thoughts gain traction...

And it's not even on purpose.

Literal hours, HOURS, and my brain can undo us and my joy.

I get super fun memories of reading what you told Raven months ago, anything I've observed that causes doubt, how you didn't text me when you got home, the possibilities that we might have broken up already if you weren't living with me, the reality that I'm not 100 your physical type, and frankly everything that worries me/ causes doubt/ makes me wonder.

It sucks. It really sucks. It really, really sucks.

The worst part? I'm exhausted of it... and I don't know how to get rid of it.

I wish I could just have a fresh start.

Maybe one in which I didn't know all about your exes, preferences physically, or the bs of why we broke up.

I can't seem to forget it all.

I just want to let it all go...

But no... no.

I have to sit with all this knowledge and somehow convince myself that it's not true...

I get to convince myself that you do love me, you choose me, you want me, that I'm what matters and you wouldn't wish for anyone else.

Frankly, it hurts... and I'm worried that one day I might not be able to see and believe the proof that you do love me.

What am I supposed to do?

Is there a way to solve these issues when they are weekly(and almost daily occurrences)?

Maybe the breakup really did some fundamental damage and I might not be able to completely heal these wounds.

You tell me to let go, you want a fresh start, you want peace. I want these things too... but it's not that easy. I'm not sure it'll ever be that easy.

I see everything. Even the things I don't want to see. And I remember it all.

I can't forget the things you told Raven. I can't forget how you looked for her at the concert. I can't forget that you have poems and photos about her and of her.

(Note: I'm writing this bit after the fact. But yeah, I know you're going to read that and get maybe angry? Like I get it's a squared away issue but fuck man, it still hurts. Like what would you have done if she responded? Why send her a song I sent you? And a song about how you think she's home and you'll never forget her. Like that song is about your soulmate and how you'll find them again. And why before Valentines day?! And even any of those texts when we were talking?! Yeah dude, there's a lot of hurt and I don't forget. )

And it's not even just her.

I know all about Henderson and Granta and the grip they still keep.

I wonder about Katie Schultz and the solider poem that you keep.

I know I've never been important enough for you to make me a password, to keep my photos hidden where you wouldn't want me to find, to write poems about me, to even create a playlist just about me.

Hours. Literally hours. And I can overthink everything and somehow find these twisted truths. It's torture. It's the worst part of dating someone I know well.

And it further sucks because we've discussed most of these. You've reassured me about some of these. It's been a beaten down point.

So why can't my brain let it go?

Why can't I forget these things?

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breelandwalker · 2 years

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im worried this might sound rude but I mean it genuinely. how do you get yourself to believe in witchcraft? ive tried very hard to believe in it, to believe in magic, to believe in various religions and i simply can't seem to do it. ive tried meditation, spellwork, lots of different techniques from lots of different strains of magical practice, several types of solitary and group christian worship from the highly ritualized to the highly casual, solitary and group pagan worship (mostly pretty ritualized) and nothing ever seems to work or feel how other people say it feels and i cannot comprehend what it might feel like to believe in these things. A few times ive experienced what I think other people mean when they say things feel sacred but it never lasts more than a second or two, its never been reproducible, and its always been when im at my lowest points which,,,, sucks

Not rude at all! This is something a LOT of us struggle with, especially if we grew up in an environment that actively discouraged belief in magic outside of fairy tales and Disney movies, or if one happens to be highly skeptical by nature. Nothing wrong with any of that, but it does sometimes create a hurdle.

It's also difficult to believe if you prefer to see direct, obvious results. Most magic works in quiet, subtle, or preventative ways and it is very rarely flashy or obvious when it works properly.

I'll let you in on a secret - it's normal to side-eye your magical workings sometimes. There are days when I sit back and go, "Am I really creating magic or is it just a comforting ritual that makes me feel like I have the illusion of control?" And then I remember that either way, I'm getting results.

I can't always feel energy when I try to and I don't always actively feel the presence of my deities or divine energy in group settings. What I DO feel is my own determination to make things happening and the heightened emotional energy of people around me during shared workings. These feelings aren't always reproducible for me either, since they're largely situational, but the fact that I've experienced them at all tells me that there's definitely Something Happening.

The best thing I can recommend is practice. Keep trying those different methods. It could be that you haven't found the right fit yet, or that you may need to do things just a little differently, i.e. meditating through movement or while working on something instead of just sitting quietly and trying to focus.

Also, working magical rituals into your daily routine instead of trying to get into the headspace of a formal ritual might help. Sometimes it's easier to believe in the blessing that you're stirring into your coffee cup than some big complex casting with lots of accoutrements and ceremony.

Remember that the most important component in any spell isn't the herbs or the crystals or the tools or even a divine patron - it's YOU. The most important part of any spell is the witch casting it, because without that, nothing happens. If you feel like you can't rely on a deity or a sacred space or cosmic energy to fuel your workings, rely on yourself and your own tenacity. Don't overthink it, just do it and see what happens.

Hope this helps!

#saltqueer #witchcraft #witchblr #magical mechanics #Advice for Beginner Witches #Bree answers your inquiries #witchy things #pagan

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Hello :3 how are you? If that’s ok with you could I request Mello, Near and Matt with an emotional s/o who also overthinks everything? Ok thank you have a great day <3

It’s been a while since I’ve written about them. I'm fine, thanks for asking😊.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, overprotectiveness, mentioning of kidnapping, manipulation, mean behavior, stalking, clinginess

Emotional s/o who overthinks everything

Mello

🍫Mello is not above being mean and teasing, somewhat annoyed by this trait of yours. He sometimes lets his emotions get in the way too, no question about it, but he would never admit this. His darling makes him extremely emotional, he has sometimes honestly the feeling that he's about to melt with them. But he hides it, he's embarrassed that he feels that way and wants to keep his ruthless image in front of people if it wouldn't be for his terrible jealousy which is why he prefers not letting his men witness his terrible and jealous outbursts he often has.

🍫The fact he kidnapped you and you feel emotions more intense than others are not an ideal mix, your feelings completely out of control, fear, confusion, anger, madness, regret. And sadly it will most likely not end there given the fact that now you have to live with him and the mafia, it's no wonder that you're daily an emotional mess, especially if Mello is mad and lets his possessiveness get the better of him. It might lead you to crying faster since emotions often overpower you and this freaks Mello out. As harsh as he can be, he actually doesn't like seeing you crying because of him and the moment you do start crying, he just kind of stops and looks at you with a conflicted look on his face. A part of him thinks that you're just being too emotional and a crybaby, the other and bigger part of him feels bad. Thing is that if he would criticize you for your constant over reactions, you might feel down and take it too personal.

🍫It is no wonder that you constantly overthink everything given the situation and Mello's behavior doesn't help. Constant thoughts what you could have done to avoid this mess you're in right now and what will happen to you now in the future occupying your mind so that you sometimes dwell so much on your worries that you forget your surroundings. It's even worse when Mello tries to spend time with you and talks to you, previous conversations flashing your mind and trying to search for an answer which won't lead to another insult or outburst of his. And Mello is bound to notice how you start looking like you're debatting, desperately trying to avoid his harsh words and actions.

🍫It is exhausting to a certain extent, but he also starts feeling terrible about kidnapping them even more than he was already since his darling's condition might have just gotten worse due to him. Mello himself suffers from an inferiorrity complex thanks to Near and whilst never admitting it, he tends to get emotional too, especially if it involves his s/o. He knows that he dragged you in a bad position and he can not too much if I'm being honest. I see him getting more overprotective since he starts thinking of you as emotionally more fragile since you tend to feel more intense and lose control of your feelings. Around such a darling he would try controlling him and his jealous and possessive tendencies better in order to not scare them of him (again). It might also lead him to starting to overthink a bit himself so he doesn't accidentally say something you will take negatively and repeat over and over again in your head. If you start overthinking again he's the type to just drag you with him so you don't stand there and get caught up in your train of thoughts. He tries his best to take your mind off overthinking.

Near

🎲Near is something to say the least. Because since he is a stalker, a huge one that is, he knows about these ticks of yours already long before you even knew he existed. And he can of course look deeper into the topics being emotional and an overthinker, but it's also no secret that he's lacking social skills and is codependent. He has emotions despite keeping nearly all of the time a straight and motionless face. But he will get affected by your mood swings, positive when you're overjoyed and negative when you panic or are strongly upset about something.

🎲And he just doesn't know what to do. He can honestly hold speeches about why you react the way you do and can even predict in what mood you will get from just seeing shortly what happened. But all that is useless since he doesn't know afterwards what to do. The subject comforting someone isn't counted as his strength and for that he kind of just sits back and stares at you whenever you have another control-loss of your feelings. Near was just like that prepared for an even worse loss of control when kidnapping you which is why he drugged you beforehand so you would at least have your peace until he's brought you into a house which was specifically built for you. Luckily he has people who work with him and who he lets near you or else he wouldn't be able to handle your strong reactions and intense feelings of fear and betrayal. He somewhat shys away whenever you're about to let go of your emotions since he's quite sensitive and doesn't want you to let out your emotions on him. He does not deal well with it.

🎲You have a lot to overthink, especially given the fact that Near approached you before he kidnapped you and you saw him as a quirky friend of yours before. It makes you regret those things and constant 'What if's' shooting through your mind. In that regard Near is at least a bit better informed than his rival is. He looked up on quite a few pages and got even professional advice so he is prepared for it, he lacks emotional support, but he has plans. Be that simply doing a breath exercise with you, easy and effective method, giving you a certain time to worry or just giving you some exercise so you won't have to think and worry too much, he is better prepared for this than Mello is. He is however not very talented when it comes to comforting you and telling you to stop worrying, he is more awkward with it and souds blank when he tells you this. He knows this and that's why he avoids doing it in the first place.

🎲He is neither the best nor is he the worst to deal with this kind of darling. Belive it or not, he is more sensitive than he would ever give off which is a reason why he distances himself from people in the first place. So having an emotional darling can be either very nice or very bad for him depending on your mood. If you're upset, react emotionally and even start crying and suffer from negative emotions, he gets upset too, even though not showing it as much. But if you are just totally happy and even show it in form of affection, he's flustered in only the most best ways possible. He is more mindful with you in general since he really just wants love from you. This might just lead you to being more appreciating and aware of him too since emotional people often feel with others so there is a chance you will end up being really friendly to him since it's somewhat obvious from his constant need to touch you or be touched, in innocent ways, or his overall clingy and attention-seeking behavior that he is desperate.

Matt

🚬Since he's monitoring his darling and is quite observant and smart, he will have this figured out as well. Matt might also be the one from those three who can have a semi-normal looking relationship with his darling. He's clever with getting rid of people and making them trust him more which is why his darling might not find out. Next to that he's also the best one to deal with such behavior. He is not harsh like Mello is nor lacks he social skill and the ability to give emotional comfort like Near struggles with. He is the most 'perfect' one for this scenario to have.

🚬He knows that you react more sensitive to things than most people do and even feel for them. He witnesses it quite often whenever you seem upset over the smallest things or might start crying over a movie during a scene you think off as very emotional. And whilst you might worry that he might think of you as a crybaby or that you exaggerate your reactions, he always reassures you that he doesn't. He keeps without a doubt the most composure in this situation, always there to guide you through another storm of emotions whenever you need him since he sees it as his time to shine and prove to you that only he can help you calming down. Since he monitors your house as well, he also is able to see when you're currently undergoing another attack of emotions and always calls you all of a sudden, telling you that he had a bad feeling. It might be a bit creepy for you, but on the other hand you would never suspect him to stalk you and for that might just really think he has a sixth sense for you which is touching and fluttering to know.

🚬He prefers to talk with you whenever you seem like something is bothering you which is most of the time. He doesn't enjoy seeing you so hesitant and not acting because you're too busy thinking and worrying about needless things. It is the opposite of what he thinks since he doesn't really care much about the world and the reaction other people, he's cocky. It's maybe a good match-up for you, who cares a bit too much and thinks a bit too much. He is a very supportive boyfriend to have and would try to help you realize whenever you're stuck in another complex mind process of yours, doing something different so you can forget everything for a while. Also tries to help you into thinking what can do right instead of the other way around, telling you that you shouldn't worry about small things since they will be forgotten by the end of the week again and most importantly, that you tried your best and that's the most important thing.

🚬He is a natural charmer and sweet talker and he knows what he has to do in order to help his darling dealing with their overwhelming emotions and busy thoughts. He is after all smothering with kisses and small presents here and there. He is not a saint either, he uses it brazenly to his advantage to make you fall even harder for him and see him as a person you can put all your trust and faith in since he is always available for you when you need someone to calm you down. That's what he has in mind anyways and he doesn't really mind it if that would be from other people called cheap and filthy tricks as long as he reaches his goal without getting caught.

#yandere death note #yandere mello #yandere near #yandere matt

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