#But I want to belong

[catsauceeartofficial]

Accepting isolation, craving belonging

#art #digital art #comic #long post #this is kind of vent? #I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh #I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me #I crave isolation #I thrive in isolation #But I want to belong #I want to intimately know someone #and I want someone to intimately know me #This is to all the people who have loved me #even if we dont talk anymore #i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy #original post

[theoldkyokodied]

The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic

#bloodweave #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale x astarion #astarion x gale #gale dekarios #astarion ancunin #yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual #the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max #I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together #toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable #I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him #and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale #and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually #helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god #at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale) #anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again

[slushy-sash]

painted this as a birthday gift for myself 🥳

#im sorry for having wriothesley tied up when his bday is literally tomorrow lol #but my bday comes first so i get to celebrate first hehehehe #btw if you're wondering whose hand that is it belongs to one of the fatui operatives #i wanted to draw him getting caught by a fatui i guess #genshin impact #genshin #wriothesley #my art

[antirepurp]

You are a ghost and an echo from a place you cannot go back to

#silver the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic #sth #purp doot #i don't want him to ever feel like he belongs. i want him to keep time traveling in the search of his home #but his home was destroyed without his knowledge #so he idles forever and ever and meets people who haunt him back

[agendercryptidlev]

Thinking about how Riz is the one who first used he/him pronouns for Baron & what it's like being AroAce is a queer space. Thinking about Riz seeing the kinship that Raugh and Kristen formed over both being gay and wanting that connection, that sense of community, but holding himself back because while he wasn't "normal" he also wasn't like them. When you're gay you're family and when you're straight you fit in but what happens when you're neither? How do you categorize that.

Riz isn't afraid of his orientation because he's different by societal standards. It's not being queer that scares him no, it's the isolation of not knowing if anyone else feels the way he does. He knows that if he were gay or bi or pan his friends would understand, he'd be like them and be surrounded by people like him. But he's not like them, he is different in a way that seems entirely unique to himself.

So maybe he kind of wished he was gay, and that Baron existed because that was what he was afraid to admit. It'd be a lot less lonely than the truth.

#riz gukgak #Fantasy High #Fantasy High Junior Year #Dimension 20 #D20 #baron from the baronies #It's like the experience of knowing someone accepts queer folks but not knowing if they accept how you're queer #Tho I don't think Riz fears not being accepted as much as he fears not being understood #He realizes the second he admits he's AroAce he admits there's something entirely different about him than his friends #And he just wants to belong to a group for the first time in his life #To the point that his identity as part of this group is prioritized over his personal identity

[raplinenthusiasts]

maybe we could be slow dancing

for @thornedswan ☀️

#let’s say this is super late birthday gift from me 🫣 #as I said any soft tae just belongs to you 💛 #kim taehyung #bts #btsgif #dailybts #dailybangtan #userbangtan #usersky #annietrack #heyryen #userdimple #tuserandi #userpat #usermaggie #userkelli #uservans #*mine #kth #I love this summery part in mv so much #I wanted to use that kodak motive for so long and it struck me that this works perfectly! #it’s a little wonky but I quite like it

[vellichorsdesire]

loove thinking abt nonsexual intimacy with an f/o like taking bubble baths with them. their fingers running through your hair, massaging your scalp so gently with shampoo— it feels so good you’re tempted to make excuses of staying a little longer, feeling their relaxed presence so close to you as well. laying in bed with them with little clothing/none at all and admiring each other’s body, hands brushing over every scar, bruise, birthmark or stretch mark with absolutely no judgement whatsoever. mumurs shared of stories of those said old scars, whether they’re visible or not. helping each other dress up or get out of clothing after a long day, buttoning up or unbuttoning clothes, giggling while doing a small fashion show with them and helping them pick things out of their wardrobe

… honestly i say all of this but imagining them only in a tanktop or shirtless is enough to kill me already i think

#also my post abt kissing tummy!!!! belongs on here. didnt know if i wanted 2 repeat or not soo…. #thinking aboutthem a loot right now…. #❥ vels ramblings #self ship #self shipping #f/o imagines

[andy-clutterbuck]

The Ones Who Live | 1x03 - Bye

#I AM ABSOLUTELY FERAL #Rick Grimes #* #rg #The Ones Who Live #towl spoilers #SCREAMS #would let him raw me in a rusty rundown gas station that looks like it belongs in deliverance or the hills have eyes or somethin #no censoring we die like men #i was gonna blame daylight saving time but i'm just like this #i clearly need him in a way that's concerning to feminism #and my general health it appears #im willing to get gas station tetanus #i'd be walking like i'd ridden a horse for 500 miles #until we're fined for disturbing the peace #what a majestically gorgeous man #that face is the actual iron throne #i'll start the war to sit there #i am reverting to my primal state #i want him to build me a house and a fire and father my children #i don't like kids #but i'm about to make like that time i played Life and had so many kids i had to get an extra car #as long as he will protect and provide for them #i need to go to bed

[momentomori24]

THEY ARE SO INSUFFERABLE AND HORRIFIC AND AWFUL BUT SO AMAZING AND DORKY AND THIS PART IS SO UNFAIRLY FUNNY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME-- PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME IN S2. PLEASE LET THEM TAKE OVER THE SHOW. I KNOW THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BUT I NEED MORE OF THE VEES.

And the most important scene of them all (to me):

First of all, how is Vox doing that. Second, you just know that these two douchebags are going to bang so hard with Alastor getting his ass kicked replaying in the background after this. I hate them so much.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vees #voxval #staticmoth #all their scenes in this episode were so freaking good holy shit #all their scenes in show are great actually #like-- oh my god #they are so much fun to have around #vox was literally me the entire time (minus the alastor hating) #and their evil little happy celebrating at the end was so cute it's unreal #i wanted the vees to sing together at some point and i'm so happy it was delivered vox and val sound fantastic together #and that sneaky staticmoth kiss at the end YES YES YES YEEESS #i love everyone in this show (except adam) but the vees are just built different #with adam dead can they please appear more? please? i need more of these disgusting assholes committing disgusting crimes and gay wrongs #''the future of hell belongs to the vees'' is a sentiment i can and will get behind please take over #i just finished the season finale and it gave me the dopamine rush i really needed today i'm so happy AAHHHHHH #i can't stop rewatching this scene someone please help me i can't escape their clutches i've been here for hours please #ok i'm clogging these tags so i'm stopping here but AAGHHHBKFGXGGGBB #anyways good night

[bakudekublogblog]

hating kacchan of the bakugous should be a crime actually. look at this cutie patootie. the pookiest of pookie bears. sweetest angel bean. the babiest boy in babyville.

#eats him alive #this post brought to you by izuku midoriya puppeteering me from the astral realm #bakugou katsuki #bkdk #bakudeku #i just love him so so much it’s probably concerning I want him all to myself but bc I truly love him I know I must give him to his izuku #I know where he is happiest I know where he belongs

[qiinamii]

darkner Xiao, lightner lumine 👹✨

#qiiarts #xiao #lumine #traveler #kris #genshin impact #deltarune #finally the lil buddies i wanted to show!! i had so much fun doing it #though sad thing is that i didnt have time to play chapter 2 WAAAAA #after the undertale comics i wanted a deltarune twist too so i threw them into a dark world adventure #still a big fan of deltarune's designs and how the world has you in neon/bright colors and i had to simplify their designs too hehe #xiao's still a lightner considering he also doesnt belong there but saying hes a local darkner guarding the world from evil is also so cool #bonus info they have bits of their og powers but simplified to match the battle mechanic #but lightner lumine still wields multiple elements in its own category in low levels to prevent being op #so yea <3 lil buddies

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[skeletoninthemelonland]

a glimpse of what their early dynamic looks like

#i'm posting these in this blog first because i think its very silly #i could talk about them if you want me to #*ignores if you want to hear me or not and simply starts talking* #I think at some point during development i stopped thinking about them as 'mrs. afton and mr. afton' #it's funny knowing they were never supposed to meet at all #Ballora belongs to sister location. which takes place some time around 1983 or 1985 (Behind The Codes has its own canon timeline) #Fazbear's Fright happens in 2023. which is 30-40 years apart #but then we have Ultimate Custom Night. Everyone is trapped together in the same location seemingly with no chances of escaping. #if you think about it. they're just a part of this huge scrupulous plan #no one is predestined to anything. it's certainly not different for Springtrap and Ballora. #they are just... there. like everyone else #they are all linked in some way. all the clues tie back to the Missing Children Incident. #but... you're probably right. maybe there's more to it #maybe there is A Link rather than a link. you know what I mean? #Episode 3 will explore this and much more #for now. have these two idiots trying to figure out how to get out of trouble #behind the codes #fnaf #fnaf behind the codes #five nights at freddy's #ballora #springtrap #fnaf btc #my art #starbstalks

[adhbabey]

Let's talk about some lesser known symptoms of autism! Maybe this will help some of you get a broader perspective on what this can be like. There is a whole grab bag of symptoms of autism, but here are some ones you may not know that you have.

Focus on truth

What does this mean? Well glad you asked. This is the focus on facts and logic rather than anything else. People have shown this as autistic people may refusing to lie because it goes against what they find as true. But that's not always the case.

Have you ever used logic to try and figure out your emotions?

Are you someone who doesn't understand why others may speculate when the current knowledge is right there? (such as subtext versus canon knowledge or theoretical arguments)

Do you find it frustrating when others avoid their problems as a way to avoid figuring out negative things? (such as avoiding conflict in a friend group)

Is it easy for you to talk about your strengths and flaws? Do you know your likes, dislikes and limits pretty well?

High context communication

This is preference on details and the full context of any situation. Often going into great detail and backstory to anything.

Do you feel as though you need to overexplain to give the person everything they need to know?

Have you ever apologized to someone by explaining the deep and meaningful reasons of why you did it, before you said you were sorry? And maybe even felt upset or confused why they reacted badly?

Have you ever felt stressed out because you wanted to give others full detail but they either interrupted you or cut you off?

Are you stressed out by people who tell you what to do and not why they want you to do it?

Are you ever told that you talk back a lot?

Do you prefer recipes versus verbal/vague instructions? (All the things that you need such as ingredients, measurements, prep time, etc.)

Do you really like watching deep dives and knowing about the whole history of something you're even vaguely interested in?

Identity diffusion

This is not everyone's experience, and it is common in a variety of other disorders such as DID and BPD. However, it is when you do not know who you are in regards to others. This is also known as identity disturbance.

Have you ever felt like an outsider without knowing why?

Are you deeply interested on what other people think of you? Especially if it's all the time?

Do you really like taking personality tests and quizzes? Are you interested in horoscopes?

Do you feel like you don't fit in any one specific group? Either being a loner, or hopping in between many different groups?

Do you ever feel weirder than the "weird kids" group? Do you not really get along or feel like you belong with them?

Do you have low self esteem when it comes to comparing yourself to your friends? Do you feel like they're better or more capable than you?

Do you feel drastically unimportant and not as interesting or cool as everyone else?

Have you ever related to narratives surrounding a character that is the last of their kind?

Do you feel like your identity is a vast and gaping void, that even if you learn a little bit, that you'll never know everything?

Internalized repetition

This is one of those traits that not every autistic person experiences, but that some might. You could say that for all autistic traits, but hey, good to know regardless. Because of internalized repetition, you may not do many external stims, besides vocal.

Do you listen to a song over and over again? Perhaps having a playlist on repeat?

When stressed out, do you type the same word or phrase over and over again?

Do you like looking at the same things, such as the same color or the same artist's works?

Do you really like certain patterns, crystals or aesthetics?

Do you enjoy games with recognizable fighting patterns? (Such as character rotation, boss battle rotation, etc.)

Struggling to connect to others *

This is something that's been characterized by struggling to connect to others through their emotions, but the opposite is actually true for many autistic people. *I will be talking about those who struggle to connect to others who are emotionally distant or unavailable. Being emotionally distant or not showing emotions externally is a trait that many autistic people share, but for those without alexithymia, they may struggle to understand why anyone wouldn't like to talk about their emotions. I don't know the specific symptom term for this, so please bare with me. If anyone would like to inform me about what this is called, please tell me.

Do you struggle to talk with dry texters, or tend to over-examine people's tone through text?

Do you have anxious attachment?

Do you feel disconnected with many other autistic people and struggle to make friends or talk to them?

Do you feel embarrassment or shame with being emotionally sensitive?

Have you fallen down the rabbit hole of things like starseeds, star children or empaths?

Do you want to talk about serious emotions a lot, even when its not appropriate?

Do you trauma dump or wish people would become more emotionally intimate with you? Do you enjoy it when people share their deep traumas with you, even if it's triggering?

Are you constantly reassurance seeking?

There is plenty more symptoms out there, and these are just a few that stood out to me, because I think I may be autistic. I've always related somewhat, but never connected the dots. But there are reasons for that, such as identity diffusion and thinking I'm different from everyone else no matter what. I struggled because I didn't seem to have a lot of the outward and visible symptoms that were often talked about. I thought every autistic person had alexithymia, when that's just not true. My best friend, who has similar symptoms to me, along with another close friend of mine, have a similar presentation of autism. And it's taken quite a bit for me to accept or process. I feel like I'm faking my experiences just because I've self diagnosed before. And I'm angry that ADHD isn't given enough significance.

But I think I might be autistic, and this article that I based this post off of, confirmed it. So here's my post informing and coming out on that. You can be autistic and highly masking without actually knowing what's going on is masking. You can be autistic and have a spectrum of verbality, you can be autistic and struggle to connect to anyone who isn't immediately emotionally intimate with you. You can be autistic and not relate at all to other autistic people.

You're not alone.

#babey posts #actually autistic #audhd #autism #autism spectrum disorder #i know its a spectrum disorder but bro it doesn't feel like it #its broader than you might realize #you can be autistic and struggle to accept it #this has been the most frustrating and painful realization #i just. i feel a lot of negative feelings at myself about this #but i want to curate a place for people to exist without judgement #and before the anti self dx ppl come in here. this has never been the blog for you. #if youre like this. you belong here. #and if you just understand this. you also belong here. #you're not alone

[ohitslen]

Sharing a blanket

Request by @volaenii ✨

Accidentally incorporated this to my uni au oopsieeees

#maybe I got a lil too excited and ended up doing this whole thing #it just kept escalating OWSGHII hope this suffices #enough angsty stuff let’s bring out the silly stuff #they are so stupid I love them sm uGHH #the context is that they just moved in and they have barely any belongings #they have blankets but the idiots washed them all without considering the fact that they sun dry their stuff #so they only have 1 blanket for both of them until the rest dries off and the house is so cold at night #they’re fighting for it. but this happened. and it was so warm and comfy they ended up too relaxed and slept too much #this happens at least once a month until they eventually settle into just sleeping together when that happens eventually #imagine Kni finding out about this #I want to do those images where ppl cover themselves with random shit bc there wasn’t a blanket but with this two petty mfs #trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #lenssi draws #Trigun Uni! AU

[gay-jesus-probably]

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about the whole thing of the Gerudo being a race of entirely women, with the only exception being one man born every hundred years, and that man automatically being their king. Now this worldbuilding comes from Ocarina of Time, and there's obviously a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications there, because it was 1998. And it seems that Tears of the Kingdom is sticking with the lore of Gerudo men being extremely rare and becoming the King of their people, which once again has a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications because it's 2023 and Nintendo has somehow gotten even worse about this shit.

But let's set aside the whole... everything, and look at this from just the in-universe perspective. How does it work? I mean, it's pretty clear that there is no overlap between the kings; the old ones are normally long gone by the time a new one is born, but the Gerudo manage to take care of themselves during the hangtime. So they must have an established system of government and leadership that doesn't involve a king, and somehow that system is set up in a way that does a smooth transfer of power once a new king is born and old enough to take the throne. But why bother always declaring a random guy to be your King when you already have a perfectly functional system in place?

I mean again, the whole thing has a lot of sexist implications, but we're not looking at this from a real world context, we're examining it in-universe. And we could just go the lazy route and say that their king is in charge just because he's the only man, but I don't like that. I mean come on, the Gerudo are a race of entirely women, and most of their outside problems come from Hylian men being creepy about it. They are entirely a matriarchy; there is literally no reason for their culture to have an inherent respect for men, even if the man in question is one of them. And they're desert people; they live in an extremely harsh and dangerous landscape, if they don't have their shit together, they will die. By sheer necessity, their culture needs to put a lot of value in being practical, because if they're stupid about things, people die. They really can't afford to have a shitty leader take over, and just letting some guy take the wheel doesn't really fit with the way their culture must otherwise work.

So again, why the fuck do they bother having a King?

I think it's mainly just a ceremonial position. Yes, if the guy is a good leader he'll be in charge, but if he isn't good at being a King or isn't interested in the job... fuck it, they've already got a functional government system that's been leading their people the whole time, why fix what isn't broken? The title of Gerudo King isn't about leadership or power. I think it's more about belonging. Because the Gerudo are a culture where every single one of them can be defined in the same way... and there is exactly one exception once a century. Men are considered to be inherently outsiders at the best of times, and more often they're enemies. A man born into this culture is a natural outsider; he is completely unique, and that means he doesn't really fit into his community. And well... when someone is fundamentally different from the rest of their community, they tend to be ostracized.

So I think that's why the position of Gerudo King exists. It isn't about them needing or even wanting a man to lead them. The title of King doesn't need to involve any leadership at all. It's about giving the man born every century a place in their society. It's a way of saying yes, you are one of us, you are a Gerudo, you belong here, you are wanted and you are loved.

The Gerudo know that every hundred years, one of their children will be fundamentally different from all of his peers. And so their society is built to ensure that a child who is completely different from them will still be loved and accepted. He will always have a place in their society. He doesn't need to earn their love, he has it just for existing. These are his people.

The title of Gerudo King isn't an inherent position of authority. It's a promise of acceptance.

#legend of zelda #ganondorf #tears of the kingdom #gerudo #look i have so many thoughts about how their society works #and for the record i really hate the implied bioessentialist gender stuff #but this is my headcanon on the whole gerudo king thing #if their king wants authority he still needs to earn it like everyone else #but they make sure he always has a place among his people #look growing up Different from your peers is a fucking nightmare #as any neurodivergent/disabled/queer kid can attest #i like the idea of gerudo society being structured around ensuring all their children felt like they belonged there #and having a system ready to go for the one kid they KNOW will be the most different