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cillianhead · 6 months

Note

Hey! I was wondering if you could write a little smutty/angsty something for Neil Lewis. Maybe bestfriend!reader, who recently got with some other man, and Neil is incredibly jealous and maybe... possessive. 👀 Some angst heated argument finished with a smut would be lovely. 🤭

Thank you!

Of course, of course!

Thank you for your request!

You're The Only One Who Makes Me Feel Alive || Neil Lewis x Reader

warnings: Smut, angst, best friends to lovers, swearing, slight (?) drug use (marijuana), jealousy, unprotected P in V, Neil is quite obsessed with reader's boobs (because c'mon, NEIL IS A BOOB MAN!!!) like sort of switch!neil but not quite, adult content!

18+ Minors DNI

It was a slow Friday night at Gumshoe Video. You had closed by now, though. You sat between Lucien and Jonathan, a bit stoned, and watched some horrible Horror-Parody film called 'Bad Taste'. You had zoned out, drowning out Jonathan and Lucien's incessant bickering about the film and whether it was good or bad.

"-It's Peter Jackson, for Christ's sake. It's a masterpiece of its time or whatever," Lucien argued. Jonathan just scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's supposed to be ridiculous!" Lucien protested.

"Are we watching the same movie?" Jonathan grunted with a hint of amusement. "How the hell did someone see this and think... 'yeah, that's the guy we're getting for Lord of the fucking Rings'!"

Lucien quipped back something particularly witty and sarcastic, but it all turned into one big blur of words to you. You were incredibly bored and stoned that none of what was happening on the TV screen made sense. You looked like a zombie, lips parted and an expression of awe on your face.

"Not this stupid movie," You heard the sound of Neil's voice from behind you. Quickly sitting up and turning to look at him, like an expectant dog when its owner comes home. "I've got the snacks if you guys even care." Lucien and Jonathan grumble their words of appreciation while you just sat and smiled at your best friend.

You all had smoked together, but you hadn't really prepared for the munchies that would come along with it. So you flipped a coin, and poor little Neil was the one who had to go to the nearest convenience store and buy as much junk food as he could carry. Two seafoam green plastic grocery bags were hanging off of Neil's sturdy forearms that said 'Recycle Me!' on them while he stood, smiling back at you.

"What'd you get Neily-poo?" You hummed, standing up and approaching him.

"I hate it when you call me that," Neil grumbled before handing you one of the bags. "I just got all the classic snacks... Cheetos, Twizzlers, Lucien's favorite white chocolate... and of course, I got your favorite..."

You squealed out of delight, lunging on Neil and wrapping your arms around him. "Did you really?" You said, pulling away with your arms still around his neck. Neil hummed while pulling the familiar mouth-watering box of Swedish Fish out of the grocery bag.

You properly pulled away now and snatched it out of his hand greedily. "Hey...! Wait... where's my thanks?" He tilted his head, tapping his pointer finger on the apple of his cheek. You rolled your eyes playfully before placing a grateful peck on his cheek.

You two sat on the spare couch together. You leaned against Neil, as you always do, your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you. It had always been that way with you two, both very physically affectionate with each other. Though not when Neil was in a relationship, you knew how threatened his girlfriends felt by you, though you never understood why... Neil was always insistent on how you were just a friend, even going as far as to say you were like a sister to him.

When the movie ended and Neil had a bit more to smoke, you all sat around munching on your snacks, thinking of what to do next.

"Do you guys wanna come over to my place, and we can do this again tomorrow night?" Neil asked, scratching at his chin.

"Sure, I'd love that, dude," Jonathan nodded before popping a handful of peanut M&M's into his mouth. "Sounds great." He said with his mouth full.

"Gross!" You scolded, throwing a piece of popcorn at him. "Don't eat with your mouth full..."

"What did you just say?" Lucien laughed.

"I mean... don't talk with your mouth full!" You corrected, and everyone sat around giggling at that. "You knew what I meant!" Your cheeks heated up with embarrassment at your mistake.

"...and yeah, I'll come over tomorrow night." Lucien said to Neil. Neil gave him a thumbs up before turning his head over to you.

"How about you, Y/N?" Neil hummed, sighing as he leaned his head against the couch, cheek smushing a bit as he smiled softly down at you. He's so pretty, I just wanna kiss him, You thought."You wanna come over?" Yikes, you thought. You bit your lip and sucked in a breath. "Well... I... well... actually, I've got plans tomorrow, guys... I'm sorry." You shrugged apologetically.

"What?" Jonathan murmured, mouth still full, chewing obnoxiously loud.

"Since when do you have plans?" Lucien remarked. You gave him a dry smile.

"I'm going on a date... believe it or not," You snorted, looking down at your lap, embarrassed to admit. You never really talked about your love life with the guys, especially not Neil. Things always got awkward. Neil never discussed his with you either; you'd only briefly meet his girlfriends, and then that was it. You didn't understand why it had to be so awkward between you when discussing dating.

The room went silent at that. You looked towards Neil, his arm retracted away from you and tucked back into his side as you noticed the frown on his face. You could see the look on Jonathan and Lucien's faces, eyes flickering between the two of you, trying to gauge some sort of reaction.

"Oh..." Neil mumbled, sounding disappointed, popping a popcorn kernel into his mouth and chewing dryly. "Good for you... congratulations..."

"We're not getting married," You laughed uncomfortably. "Plus, I doubt it's gonna be anything that special... we're going to some downtown dive bar to have drinks and then probably go back to his place or something..." Neil had a visible expression of distaste, fiddling with his thumbs. You didn't get why he was so upset. "What's his name?" He said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Russell."

"Russell." He repeated coldly. Jonathan and Lucien were utterly silent. The tension was thick, and trying to waft through it felt suffocating.

"Why are you upset?" You blurted out. "Can't you at least be happy for me for once that I'm finally fucking going out with somebody?"

""Course I'm happy for you, Y/N, I just don't want you... to get hurt..." Neil muttered. "That's all."

"Right." You scoffed, scooting to the other side of the couch.

The tension was unbearable, and Jonathan shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Things always got weird when you brought up a guy you like or a guy you were seeing. You never got why. Why would Neil be upset that you were seeing somebody? How many girlfriends did you have to sit and watch him be with? How many painful breakups have you comforted him through? How many times had you encouraged him to go over and talk to a girl he thought was pretty? A countless amount of times, that's what. So the fact that the mood visibly shifted as soon as you said you were going on a date... it pissed you off. Neil was never encouraging when it came to putting yourself out there romantically. It was almost like he was jealous, but you knew he had no reason to be.

"How'd you meet?" Lucien cleared his throat, trying to lighten the air.

"Well when I was here alone the other day... he was in the shop-"

"He was in the shop?" Neil interrupted with a whine, eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah, he was, so what?" You turned and looked at Neil, glaring at him.

"Can't believe you're going out with a customer," Neil muttered. "Thought you were better than that." "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"It... no... nothing, just-" "God forbid I meet someone!" You were standing up now. Lucien and Jonathan had gotten up and wandered over to the other side of the shop, pretending they were browsing the shelves. "How many fucking bimbos have you asked out that had come in here, Neil?" "Y/N-" "I'm leaving." You barked, grabbing your things and rushing out, not before giving Lucien and Jonathan a gentle wave before slamming the door and walking home in the pouring rain.

The walk home was long and treacherous. Usually, Neil would drive you home. But you couldn't stand to be around him right now, not after his hypocritical words. When you got home, you collapsed in bed, still in your wet clothes, and cried your eyes out. Thunder cracked outside, and your windows rattled with the harsh wind. Your phone began to ring, the familiar ringtone you assigned to Neil's contact buzzing through your pocket. You just groaned.

"Go away, Neil." You grunted into your pillow, bickering to no one. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Curling up into a ball, the tears continued to fall. You hated the way you felt towards Neil; you hated that you wanted him to be more than just a friend. Your phone kept ringing, and it only made you cry harder.

You remembered freshman year of high school when you first met Neil; you instantly clicked and were in every class together. Everyone always thought you were dating, and you'd both share a round of 'Ew's and 'That's never gonna happen' and then silently look at each other thinking 'What if' (unbeknownst to each other). You always daydreamed about losing your virginity to Neil, the scrawny, awkward pimply boy who was the sweetest guy you'd ever met, though you ended up losing it to some guy called Lloyd over a dare. It wasn't very romantic, nor was it pleasurable. You just laid there and thought about Neil the whole time.

The sleep you got that night was terrible, but you tried to focus on the positives. You were going on a date! Yay! Not with Neil, though. You spent the day mostly picking out an outfit, mentally scolding yourself for not deciding on it sooner since most of your good clothes were dirty and you were feeling incredibly antsy. Your phone had been blowing up all day. Texts from Neil, Jonathan, and Lucien lit up your screen every other second. You didn't reply, you couldn't, you felt entirely too embarrassed.

Meanwhile, Lucien lounged on the couch at Neil's house, and Jonathan watched Neil pace back and forth in his kitchen while making handmade whipped cream. They were going to make a cake.

"I just don't know what to do, man," Neil huffed, stirring the bowl even more aggressively. Jonathan watched, unsure of how to comfort his friend. "What the fuck do I do? What if this guy is like... her soulmate or something cliche like that?"

"Okay," Jonathan laughed, putting his hand in the air. "Russell is not her soulmate." "How do you know? Have you met him?" Neil hissed back.

"No, but... how do we even know this 'Russell' guy even exists? What if she's just trying to make you jealous?"

"That's a good point!" Lucien quipped in from the other room.

"Thanks, Lucien," Jonathan rolls his eyes before looking back at Neil, who has set the bowl aside, melting to the floor with tears. "Look... dude, I think you should go over there and tell her how you feel... the worst she can say is no..."

"The worst she can say is no," Neil mocked, tears streaming down his face. "Yeah fuckin' right! She's gonna..." Neil sobbed, hiding his hands in his face. "I'll go over there, and she'll... never want to speak to me again... she wouldn't feel the same way... it's impossible!"

Jonathan looked exasperated. It was painfully apparent to everyone but you and Neil that you two were soft for each other. You usually spend every day together. The idea of losing you to some other guy was heartbreaking for Neil. Neil cried like a baby, and Jonathan watched, awkwardly leaning against the counter, unsure what to say.

"Just fucking do it, you fucking idiot!" Jonathan blurted out. "I know she likes you... do you really think Y/N would've stuck around this long with us losers if she didn't feel something for you?"

"I don't know, Jonathan..." Neil whimpers, looking up at Jonathan with the most pitiful eyes anyone has ever seen. He looked straight out of a painting.

"And even if she doesn't feel the same for you..." Jonathan continues, crouching down to be at his height on the floor. "You guys have known each other way too damn long to just throw away a good friendship over you liking her. Y/N's a smart girl. She'll learn to accept it if she doesn't feel the same way."

Neil just buried his face further into his knees, continuing to cry. "Gee, you'd think he just got his period or something." Lucien said unhelpfully.

"Shut up, Lucien!" Neil and Jonathan yelled in unison.

"Listen, I think you should just tell her... she ain't responding to any of my texts... and I don't know how it's gonna go with this Russell guy tonight, so I reckon you should head on over there..." Jonathan rambled. Neil still stayed in the same place, with his head in his hands. "Like right now!" Jonathan yelped, and Neil jumped at the sudden shift in volume and tone.

Neil approached your house as you sat in some dive bar, waiting for your date. His key twisted your locked door. Unbeknownst to him, the house was completely empty. And as he walked in, Russell was yet to arrive, over twenty minutes late to your date. At this point, you'd accepted that you had been stood up and patted yourself down, ensuring you had everything you brought.

"Y/N!" Russell's voice greets you, clearly out of breath. "I'm so sorry for being late... traffic was awful." Yeah, right, you thought. But you gave him a small smile and sat back in your booth. "That's alright," You pressed down your skirt that rested uncomfortably high on your thighs, trying to calm your nerves. The leather of the seats stuck to your thighs as Russell began making small talk. How boring. You found yourself zoning out as you downed the drink Russell had bought you just to try and cope with the terribly grim situation you were dealing with. Russell was some sort of accountant. Just the idea of finance lulled your brain into a state of boredom and borderline sleepiness. Russell's voice was monotone, and the way he licked his cracked lips every time he spoke made you feel queasy.

Meanwhile, Neil sat on your couch, spread out and feeling hopeless. No other person could ever compare to you, never ever, ever, ever. The thought of you meeting this guy he didn't know anything about except for his god-awful name and possibly hitting it off... maybe starting a life with him... the jealousy was sickening. Genuinely sickening.

It was festering within him, after all these years of watching men come into the store and flirt with you, the jealousy... the possessiveness... that another man talking to his Y/N... brought on was just too much for poor little Neil to handle. The jealousy was now fuelling the reason he still stayed. As soon as you walked through that door, with Russell or not, he'd get on his hands and knees... and beg you to love him... beg you to love him the way he loves you.

An hour went by... and then another, by now, it was nearing 10:30 PM, and Neil wasn't even sure if you were coming home. He then remembered your words of 'going back to his place afterwards' and felt like the biggest idiot in the whole world. He felt like he had lost you... like he was mourning you. His heart broke silently, and the heavyweight in his chest grew to be too intense, too blue to even cry. So he stood up and sighed, looking around your apartment before saying his goodbyes. I won't be over much now that she has a boyfriend, Neil thought. But as he turned around, about to walk out the door, there you stood with your key still in the lock looking at him like you'd look at an angel.

"Neil?" You asked softly as if it could possibly be anyone else.

"Y/N," He gasped, rushing to you, hands reaching out to you. "Please listen to what-" "Who's this?" Russell asks with a scoff, leaning on the doorway. Neil backed away like he had just entered a cock-fight he knew he couldn't win.

"Russell..." You shifted to look at him. "I think it's better if you just go... we can... we can see each other another time." "Yeah, alright," Russell shrugged, playing it cool but Neil saw the flicker of annoyance flash through the man's eyes. Russell turned back around and left, leaving the two of you alone.

"What are you doing here, Neil?" You chided, closing the door and deadbolting it behind you before walking over to the couch with Neil.

"I... I need to talk to you..." Neil whispered. You sat right beside each other, staring into each other's eyes. A feeling grew in your chest like you knew what he was about to say. "Y/N..."

"Neil..."

"I..." He faltered, his eyes looking down at his lap as he reached out, holding both your hands in his. Your heart did a spin at this, lips parted as you breathed heavily. What is happening? "I.... fuck... I don't know how to do this," Neil pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, clearly about to cry. "I've watched so many goddamn movies you'd think I... you'd think I'd have the right thing to say."

"Neil," You whispered, your voice coming out like a warning. "Just say it."

Neil looked up at you, speechless. The expression on his face was truly indescribable. Almost like a dramatic build-up, the room was silent, giving each other this look. This look you had never openly given to each other before.

"I don't want to kill my time with anybody else," Neil began, taking deep breaths. The sounds of cars passing by and trees swaying in the wind could be heard, along with the pounding of your heart. "You're the only one who makes me feel alive."

"Neil," You warned, looking away from him. "Why now?" You blurted out, quickly smacking your hand over your loose mouth.

"Wha...?" Neil asked, torn completely out of the moment by just those two words.

"Why are you telling me this now?" You questioned. Your hands ran down your face. "Why, Neil, Why?"

"What do you mean?" Neil shook his head, eyebrows knitted together. "What do you mean?!"

You were standing up now, you couldn't be close to him, you felt too dizzy. "After all these years... why are you only telling me this now?"

"I-I... I..." Neil stammered, utterly speechless this time. He wasn't expecting this reaction, he couldn't quite place what you were feeling. "I was afraid, Y/N."

"Of what?" You raised your voice and he flinched and suddenly the guilt hit you like a freight train. Tears fell down your face, ruining your makeup.

"Of losing you! Losing the only person in my life who actually matters!" Neil stood up as well, approaching you. Like a game of cat and mouse, you stepped away while he kept trying to round the coffee table to get to you. "I need you, Y/N. I need you to know how badly," He pleaded with you, but you couldn't find a way to let him further into your heart. He'd hit bone if he went any further into it.

"Neil, I don't know anymore! You're so confusing!" You screeched as he bumped into you, knocking you down onto the couch and he knelt in front of you, pleading eyes staring up at you. "I don't know what you want from me!" You cried.

"I want everything," He whispered, hands placed on both of your thighs. "I want to be yours... I want you to be mine. How do I make this any clearer?"

"I don't... I don't have you," You felt like you were being torn apart. "You don't want me. You just... you're just confused! You don't want me! You want..." You closed your eyes, thinking about the women Neil had dated. You felt like he wouldn't be satisfied with you... you felt like you weren't pretty enough or you were too boring or too familiar. "I don't have you... Neil... and I never will."

"You've always had me. Every second of every day... you've had me. I'm yours." Neil whispered, hands squeezing your thighs. "Please. I need to know."

"Need to know what?" "That you'll take me," His fingers travelled further up your goosebump-covered skin. "That you'll let me in, Y/N."

"How?" Your hands shook as you looked him in the eye again. This time... it felt like you were looking at a completely different man. It was no longer just your best friend you were looking at... but the man pleading with you to love him as if you hadn't been silently loving him from afar... all these years.

"Please let me show you."

Neil used his hands to balanced himself as he slowly and intimately leaned in, lips brushing yours every-so slightly. "Neil..." You whispered.

"Shh...." He hushed.

And your lips joined together. It felt like your body had let him in, like he was rewriting your DNA and letting every part of him consume you. He sat beside you now, cradling you in his arms as you kissed slowly. This was all so new to you, unlike any other kiss you had ever experienced. Every other kiss before this just felt like you were trying to negotiate something... but this... this kiss felt like your body had found its missing limb like it had found what it had been lacking all these years.

A string of spit connects the two of you as Neil softly pulls away, panting for breath. "Am I in yet?" He chuckled.

You tilted your head, squinting and stroking your chin, pretending you were struggling to decide. "Maybe... I don't know yet... think you'll have to try harder..." Your voice was still a bit shaky from crying. "Alright," He snorts before diving back in and kissing you rougher this time but still in that romantic, slow way. One hand placed on your hip and the other guiding the back of your head as you made out. Tongues pawing at each other like they were getting acquainted.

"Please touch me," Neil whimpered into your lips, and oh fuck, that was the most divine noise you had ever heard. "Please." "Only 'cause you asked so nicely..." You hummed, pushing him down and straddling him. You watched as he threw his head back, biting his lip and holding back the noises he so desperately wanted to make at the feeling of you sitting on him. Your fingers fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, watching him writhe underneath you at only the slightest touch. You popped each button out individually and slowly until Neil was groaning with annoyance.

"Don't be such a tease, Y/N," Neil grunted from behind gritted teeth once you had his shirt off. "If you felt how hard my dick was right now-"

"Oh, I do!" You giggled cheekily, slowly rolling your pelvis in a slow circle right over the tent in his trousers that poked into your thigh.

"You fucker-" He groaned, reaching his arms up and grabbing your head roughly and pulling you into a soul-sucking kiss, tongue grappling at yours desperately.

You moaned through dancing lips as you had the most delicious friction going. Neil was being just as loud as you, whimpers vibrating through your sternum and into your soul. Neil bucks his hips up pathetically before he breaks the kiss abruptly.

"You've gotta stop or I'm... I'm gonna..." He buried his muzzle in your neck and moaned. "I'm gonna fuckin cum in my pants." "Oh yeah?" You grinned, grinding your hips even faster.

"That means stop!" He grabs ahold of your wrists and flips you around like you were in a wrestling competition. You gasped out as he had you down against your couch, panting heavily above you with that frustrated-and-horny look. "I knew you'd be a little brat." He spat menacingly before grinning like a puppy, leaning down and kissing you heavily.

You ran your hands up your shirt, trying to pull your shirt off which made Neil pull away slowly when he realized you were taking your top off. "Are you sure?" He said breathily, above you, mouth wide open and his eyes glued on every inch of skin that was slowly being revealed more and more. You just nodded your head and smiled. "Oh fuck, you're showing me your boobs." Neil's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy shop. "Neil," You giggled as you got the top off and out came your tits, and there was Neil sitting there in disbelief at the sight of your boobs. "Neil!" You laughed, hitting him with a cushion; he smacked it away before looking back down at them with this look that almost resembled a look of horror. "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Fucking hell, this is the best thing to ever happen to me," Neil chirped. "Fuck... please, Y/N... please let me squeeze them."

"Go ahead, Neil, touch me," You hummed, raising your arms above your head and leaning back with a Cheshire cat grin as his hands slowly and cautiously cusp your boobs. He let out a soft moan and let his eyes flutter shut as he slid his hands over your breasts, you could hear his breath hitch as his thumb slid over your hard nipples. "You're acting like you haven't touched a boob before," You snickered.

"Oh, believe me, I have..." Neil nodded, eyes open now and staring at your tits like he was high. "Just none as good as these..." He leaned in, hot breath fanning your left breast, lips parted but he doesn't go any further than that.

"Put it in your mouth, pretty boy," You demanded, and like the sub you always thought he was, he obeyed with a smile. "Fuck... that's it." The tops of his cheeks were flushed a gentle pink as he sucked and swirled his tongue around your nipple. "Mmm...." He hummed, eyes closed. His full body weight was resting on you while he sucked on your tits, switching between them. You laid there for quite a while and wondered how long he could do this. You braided your fingers through his hair before tugging it back roughly, and he unwillingly popped off your tit with a loud and whoreish whine.

"Hey!" He complained with eyebrows knitted together as his eyes looked between your eyes and spit-covered tits. He's so spoiled.

"I always knew you'd be a little brat." You said, repeating what he said to you earlier.

Neil drools on you helplessly, groaning as you pull on his hair more until you two are sitting up facing each other. You grin once more and lean in, giving him a sweet little kiss. His hands cupping your tits desperately.

"Carry me to the bedroom." You hummed dramatically, raising your arms in the air, and Neil shook his head and chuckled as he leaned down and wrapped you up in his arms.

"I'm so glad you're my best friend," Neil murmured into your warm shoulder as he padded you guys down to the bedroom he had been in countless times.

"Not just best friends, though," You remarked as he laid you down on the bed with your legs over his shoulders. He reached towards your bedside table.

"Condoms?" He hummed, searching through your drawers, but found nothing.

"Birth control... you should know this you idiot!" You giggled at Neil realizing what you just said.

"Can I...?"

"Yes!"

"Like... inside?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes!" You nodded your head, laughing wildly.

"Fuck you're gonna be the best girlfriend ever!" Neil grunted happily before leaning in and kissing you like you were his last meal.

Meanwhile, he slid your skirt down and unzipped his trousers. You caught a glimpse of his thick cock straining against his briefs and found yourself growing wetter.

"Let me make you mine, Y/N..." He whispered. "Let me finally make you mine."

"I've been yours," You caressed his face. You were both out of your underwear now. The tip of his prick nudging your clit as you looked up at him with so much love. "Please... Neil... please... I need you so bad."

Neil nodded silently, closing his eyes as he lined up his aching cock with your dripping cunt. The initial push in made your mind go blank and your spine arch even further into his touch, Neil moaned as he pushed himself into you fully.

"I can't believe this is happening..." Neil whispered. "This is so much better than I ever imagined it to be."

"You thought about me?" You grinned idiotically, high on the way he was stretching you out.

"Fuck," He groaned, hair falling over his pretty face. "Every fuckin' night."

"Me too."

His hands were placed firmly on your hips, and as he receded back until it was just the head of his cock in you, his fingers slid up to grope at your tits that his eyes had been practically glued on all night. Neil fucked you nice and slow, relishing in the way your pussy felt around him. Your hands were gripping the sheets, legs still thrown over his shoulders and mouth spewing incoherent words of pleasure.

"Neil... baby... oh my god," Your eyes so desperately wanted to shut but you wanted to enjoy how pretty he looked above you. "I love you."

Those words hung heavy in the air for a moment, Neil's hips never faltering as he leaned down and kissed you. "I love you, Y/N." Neil whispered against your hot mouth.

That was all you needed to hear. His cock slid in and out of you, both groaning and moaning as your bodies finally became one. Neil's mouth hung agape against yours, breathing in each other's air. Neil's face was flushed a bright red, pupils blown wide, and his hair messy from how you ran your fingers through it. Your noses brushed together as his pelvis rutted against your clit, dick still so deep inside you.

"I love you so much," Neil panted, thrusting into you desperately. "I always have..."

"Love you..." You whimpered, eyes fluttering shut and your arms slithering around his neck as the pleasure consumed you from the inside out. "So much... Neil..."

Neil pressed a kiss to your cheek, nuzzling your face as he ground into you. "Fuck, please let me cum inside you."

"I'm so close, Neil..." You whispered. "Just hold on a little longer."

Neil grunted. A pyramid of pleasure building within you, ready to crash down and crumble inside of you. Your orgasm grew like a million tiny vines curling around each individual nerve until you saw colors you had never seen before.

"Squeezing me so tight," Neil whined. "I need to cum... please..."

"Cum," You commanded and he did.

Coming undone together felt like it was truly sealing your fate. You had never felt so close to him; you knew you could and would spend the rest of your life with him. He mewled into the crook of your neck, cum spilling into you as you convulsed, orgasm swallowing you whole and ridding you of all your senses. All you felt was him and the impending pleasure devouring you. Neil's whimpers only further pushed you over the edge.

"Y/N," He moaned like a whore. "Fuck... Y/N..." He whined right into your ear as his cock continued to fill you with his warm cum.

Your brain couldn't conceive a proper thought. You couldn't will yourself to speak as he collapsed on top of you. You smile as you lay there together, skin on skin, hearts pounding in sync. Neil pulled out of you with a quiet hiss, picking you up and curling up with you under the sheets.

You looked at each other silently, both still calming down. Your thumb drew infinity signs onto his cheekbone, slowly blinking at the boy you had always wanted- no, needed.

"That was the best thing to ever happen to me," Neil whispered, sleepy eyes looking at you full of adoration. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me." Neil pecked you softly on the lips. "I can't believe it took me this long to tell you... I... I'm sorry." "Shh..." You hushed. "It's okay... we're together now... that's all that matters."

You lay in silence once more, hearts still pounding in your chests. You took in every detail of him, which you had memorized countless times before, but this time it was different. It felt much more intimate. Every crease, every freckle... every tiny minuscule detail of him was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

"Does this mean we're boyfriend-girlfriend now?" Neil chuckled, rolling over onto his back, pulling you into his side.

"Shut up, Neil," You giggled. "You're such a dork."

"You love it." He quipped.

"I do," You agreed. "I love you."

"I love you," Neil smiled sweetly, and as he leaned in to kiss you again, you were quickly interrupted by the sound of Neil's phone ringing. "Fuck me," He grunted, reaching down to grab at his jeans where his phone was. "Hello?" He said with a sour face. "Hi, Jonathan, everything is okay... yes, she's here with me..." Neil looked down at you with a smirk. "Yes, Lucien can borrow my goggles... I don't care... can we talk about this later?" Neil hung up and tossed his phone aside before looking back at you with a sheepish smile.

"What was that about?"

"Well... erm... Jonathan just asked if everything went well... between us..." Neil blushed.

"He knows you're here?"

"He's the reason I came over... he gave me the courage to... y'know... tell you how I feel."

You rolled your eyes and laughed before kissing him deeply. You felt like everything was okay. Now that you had Neil in your arms, you could handle anything that life threw at you. Neil was already planning your wedding in his head as you shared the love between you in a kiss. You wouldn't want it to be anyone else

I NEED NEIL LEWIS.... LIKE RIGHT NOW!!! Ugh, I love him so much. Anyway, hope you enjoyed <3

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x reader #cillian murphy fanfic #neil lewis #watching the detectives #neil lewis smut #neil lewis x reader #cillian x fem!reader

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sequinsmile-x · 7 months

Text

Start from Scratch

It had been years since they'd been back to the place they'd once called home, the place they once thought they'd raise their children, but it was time.

Aaron and Emily and their family go back to DC years after being forced to leave by Peter Lewis and his obsession.

My 250th Hotchniss Fic.

-x-

Hi friends,

It seems absolutely bonkers that this is my 250th fic, and on some level it probably is, but here we are!!

I've never written anything about the Scratch storyline, largely because I've only ever watched those episodes once, and it freaked me out so much I've never watched them again!! So, I thought I'd write this, an idea that's been floating around my brain for a long time, to mark the occasion.

I just wanted to say thank you for always encouraging me, for being my safe space when I have bad days. Writing for this fandom has, and will continue to, get me through some hard times in my life. Writing is my way of escape, and the fact it provides escape to other people is a bonus that I cannot even describe.

So, if you've ever read something I've written, if you'd left kudos, or likes, reblogs or comments, then this for you. Thank you.

Let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 9.3k (i got carried away)

Warnings: Canon typical violence

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

May 2021

“Mom, I’m bored.”

She smiles as she looks up from her desk, her eyebrow raised as her eyes meet her son’s, the 9-year-olds the same dark shade as hers.

“Did you finish all your homework?” She asks, and he avoids her eye contact, looking down at the ground, “Oscar Hotchner…”

“I did most of it,” he says, an almost desperate tone to his voice that she has to clear her throat to stop from laughing at, “But Wren and Rosie are playing and Jack said we could play on his game.”

She folds her hands on her desk in front of her and smiles at him. Before she’d been a parent she always assumed she wouldn’t be a pushover when it came to her children, but all it would take is a slightly sad look in their eyes, or a slight tilt of their sweet heads, and she was putty in their hands. Aaron always made fun of her for it, his smile pressed into her hairline when they curled up in bed at night, a playful tone to his voice as he joked about how she had stared down serial killers in a past life but was unable to say no to their children.

“You know what, sweet boy,” she says, standing up and round her desk, walking over to him and wrapping her arm around him, “Mommy is bored with marking papers, so why don’t we go find everyone else.” The way his face lights up with a smile, the one he shared with Aaron, warms her from the inside out. “Dad will be home soon anyway.”

They walk towards the living room and she laughs at the sight of the twins sitting on the couch, absolutely surrounded by every single one of their stuffed animals, and she wonders how many times they must have walked up and down the stairs to bring them down from their rooms.

“What is going on in here?” She asks, smiling when both Wren and Rose look at her. They were identical in looks, to the point where only those who were close to them could tell them apart, but their personalities couldn’t be more different. Wren was quiet, more reserved in nature especially around people she didn’t know, so much like Aaron it made Emily feel fiercely protective of her. Rose was exactly like she was. Bold and adventurous and stubborn to a degree that had Emily dreading her teenage years even though they were only a few months shy of the twins 6th birthday.

“We’re playing hospital,” Rose says, her expression serious as she points at the lined up stuffed animals, “These are all our patients.”

“Wow,” Emily replies, “Busy day at the hospital.”

Jack walks in, the spare controllers for the Nintendo Switch in his hands, “Who wants to play MarioKart?”

“Me!” Wren exclaims, abandoning what she had been doing and running over to her brother who was just about her favourite person in the world. The relationship between Jack and his siblings was something that never failed to make Emily feel emotional. She remembered how worried she’d been when she was pregnant with Oscar, so concerned how Jack would react that it had made her feel sick, but he’d never been anything other than excited at being a big brother.

She knew they’d all miss him when he moved away to college in a couple of years.

She’s just about to say that she’ll play too, her arm still around Oscar’s shoulders, when the front door opens, Aaron’s smile wide as he walks into the house.

“Daddy’s home!” Rose shouts, running over to the front door, running at his legs at full speed and wrapping her arms around him.

“Hi Rosie Posie,” he replies, leaning down to hug her as he places his briefcase by the door. He smirks as he sees how Emily rolls her eyes at the nickname she’d hated since he’d first said it.

“We were about to play MarioKart,” Emily says, smiling when he walks over to press a kiss to her cheek, “If you want to join us I can always beat you again.”

“You only win because you cheat, Mom,” Jack says, and she turns to him, narrowing her eyes at her oldest.

“I do not cheat,” she replies before she turns back to her husband, “How about it, honey?”

He nods, clearing his throat, “Yeah,” he looks at his children and smiles, “Why don’t you go set up the game, Mom and I will be right behind you.”

They all nod and head towards the den, chatting over each other, their home never quiet but full of love and a type of peace that, even just a few years ago, Emily wouldn’t have thought was possible. She smiles as she turns to face Aaron, shaking her head at their children as they all rush out of the room to play the video game, Jack leading the charge, but it fades when she sees the look on her husband's face, the sadness in his eyes.

“Honey,” she says, stepping towards him, her hand on his arm in an immediate attempt to comfort him, “What’s wrong?”

He sighs as he puts his hand over hers, linking their fingers together as he squeezes, “I heard from Dave,” he says, pressing his lips together in a tight line, “Krystall died this morning.”

“Poor Dave,” She gasps, her heart clenching in her chest, aching for their friend who had done so much for them, who had saved them. Dave had been the one to protect them when everything started to fall apart, his friendship and his protectiveness over them and their children one of the reasons they were all still together now. She blows out a steady breath and locks eyes with her husband. “Do you think…” she drifts off, the mere thought of going back, of returning to the place where their family had been tormented by a now dead psychopath, enough to make her chest seize.

“I’ve already booked the time off work,” he replies, as if he has read her mind. She nods and leans in to hug him, sighing as he hugs her back, “He’d do it for us.”

“You’re right,” she says, closing her eyes as she hears the kids laugh from the next room, reminding herself that Peter Lewis hadn’t won, that she still had everything she’d left her life, the people she’d once considered her found family, behind to protect, “We should go.”

He can feel the tension in her shoulders, the knots that almost immediately begin to form there, and he rubs his hand up and down her back. The choice not to return to their old life once it was safe to do so had been a hard one, but ultimately the right decision. Their life now was the one their children deserved, the one they deserved, and he knew that the thought of going back to where they had almost lost everything, even to support one of their oldest friends, was a difficult one.

“It will be ok, sweetheart,” he assures her, stamping a kiss against her lips, “We’ll do it together, just like everything else.”

She smiles and nods, kissing him once more before she pulls away, smiling at the sound of the kids yelling for them, Rose’s voice drowning out the rest of them.

“Yeah,” she says, squeezing his hand as they walk towards the den, “Together.”

___

April 2015

It feels like an echo of a previous life. The panic, how it twists deep in her gut as she parks her car outside the hospital, greeting her like an old friend.

The last time she’d done this he’d simply been her boss, although she knew in hindsight that she’d been in love with him even then. He hadn’t been hers, her confusing feelings for him stuffed deep down under all the other secrets she carried at the time, unable to surface under the weight of her time with Ian Doyle.

The worry is sharper this time, only made worse by how Dave had sounded on the phone. Their usually cool and unaffected friend sounded strained, his concern for Aaron clear, unable to hide it from her despite his best efforts.

She bursts into the hospital entrance, her car keys tightly grasped in her first as she approaches the nurse's station.

“Excuse me,” she says, her voice strained even to her own ears. A nurse looks her up and down, “I-”

“Ma’am, are you okay? Is something wrong with your baby?”

Emily’s hand drifts to her stomach, more pronounced at this stage in her pregnancy than it had been during her last one with Oscar, because this time she has two babies in her belly. Twins they’d recently found out were both girls, constantly moving as if they were already fighting with each other.

“No, I’m fine,” she says, sounding harsher than she means to be, “My husband was brought in, Aaron Hotchner. Our friend called me and-”

“Emily.”

She turns to see Dave standing a few feet away and she abandons the nurse's station, walking over to him as quickly as she can, “Dave, what the hell happened?”

He pulls her into a hug, his embrace tight, almost desperate, and it does nothing to calm her fraying nerves.

“He got into his head,” he says, his hands still on her shoulders as he pulls back.

She frowns, her stomach churning for a different reason than she was used to, “Peter Lewis?” She asks, swallowing thickly when Dave nods, “What do you mean he got into his head?”

Dave sighs and guides her over to a nearby chair and she sits, her hand on her stomach again as she tries to calm herself down, well aware her blood pressure was already something her doctor was concerned about.

“He drugged him. Made him hallucinate all kinds of things, including some of the team dying,” he says, and she blows out a breath, “Lewis tried to then make him kill us when we came in to rescue him, but he saw through it. I think there's more but he won’t talk about it.”

She nods, placing her hand on her bump, the movement of her daughters keeping her somewhat grounded, “And Lewis?”

“He gave himself up immediately,” Dave says, clenching his jaw, anger aimed at the man who had tried to rob his friend of everything that made him who he was, “He got what he wanted.”

Emily nods, “He got inside Aaron’s head,” she wraps her fingers around her wedding rings, twisting them back and forth, “Can I see him?”

Dave nods and stands up offering her a hand to help her up too but she declines, forcing herself up herself. “He’s pretty out of it,” Dave says, walking her towards Aaron’s room, “But he kept asking about you and the boys, he wanted to make sure you were safe.”

She chuckles humourlessly and shakes her head, “That sounds about right,” she smiles tightly at him, “He’s the one who got drugged and tortured by a psychopath but he was worried about us whilst we were sat at home.”

He smiles and nods at her, “He’s in there,” he says, pointing towards the room next to them. Emily turns to go in, desperate to see her husband, but Dave stops her, his hand on her arm, “Bella, non l'ho mai visto così.”

She feels her heart seize in her chest, her lungs so stuffed full of worry she can’t draw in a breath, so all she does is nod in response, smiling tightly at her friend once more before she walks into Aaron’s room. She immediately sees what Dave means, how delicate Aaron looks, frail in a way she’d never associated with him. He’d always been huge. Tall and wide-shouldered in a way that made her feel small, even though in reality she wasn’t too much shorter than him. In recent years he’d put on a little weight, something that she loved, but hadn’t lost any of his strength. He was her safe space, her haven, and she knew he was the same for their children too.

But right now he looked small, folding in on himself as he jumps as the door opens. She immediately feels guilty, chastising herself internally for spooking him when he’d already been through so much, but she smiles at him in a way she hopes is encouraging.

“Honey, it’s just me,” she says, stepping towards him, her hands in front of her, one of them on her bump, so he can see them, “It’s Emily.”

“Sweetheart?” He asks, sounding slightly panicked as he sits up, “Where are Jack and Oscar, are they-”

“Baby,” she says, sitting on the edge of his bed as she cuts him off, squeezing one of his hands between both of hers, her touch immediately stopping him in his tracks, “The boys are fine. Jess is with them. By now they are probably both fast asleep in their beds.”

He nods, a vacant look in his eyes that was tearing her apart, “And you’re okay?”

She smiles softly at him, “I’m okay,” she says, placing his hand on her belly, watching a flicker of him pass over his face as one of the babies kicks against his hand, “All three of your girls are,” she adds, and he nods again, remaining silent as they sit there, the silence cloying, overwhelming in a way that makes her choke, “Aaron-”

“Don’t ask me what he made me see,” he says, his voice devoid of emotion, his eyes seeing right through her, as if he was seeing whatever it was all over again, “I can’t…”

She isn’t sure she’s ever hated someone as much as she hates Peter Lewis. She just wants a few minutes alone with him, to see how powerful he was without his drugs and his tools, to give him a taste of his own medicine. She breathes out slowly, well aware that Aaron didn’t need her to be angry now. There would be plenty of time for that later. Right now, he needed her love, a reminder of their lives together.

“Okay,” she says, shifting closer to him and pulling him into an embrace. He rests his head against her chest and she feels him breathe in deeply, filling his lungs with the smell of home as if it would erase everything he’d been through, “Okay. I’m right here. I love you.”

“Love you too,” he murmurs, his palms wide and strong on her back, holding her closer, her bump pressed between them as he desperately holds her in place.

“They got him,” she says, kissing the top of his head, “He won’t hurt us again.”

For a reason she can’t explain, she’s not even sure she believes herself.

___

She’s nervous in a way she can’t explain when they arrive.

They’d booked a suite at a downtown hotel despite Dave’s insistence that they could stay with him. Neither of them wanted to place that burden on him, to have their family of 6 taking up space in his home where she knew his grief should be.

She’d idly wondered if he’d mentioned to the others that they were coming, but it’s a question that is answered when they show up at the funeral and everyone looks shocked to see them. Whispers passed back and forth between JJ, Penelope, Tara and Spencer as well as people that Emily doesn’t recognise.

At first, their contact only being limited to Dave had been practical, especially when they were still in witness protection. But once everything was safe, once they could have returned, it was something that had continued. The people they had once spent every day with, people who had been in their wedding and held their children when they were newborns, no longer a part of their lives. It made Emily feel guilty, especially when she sees the shock on their faces, the second time in her life she’d been a ghost to them, but she reminds herself that it goes both ways, that there had been almost no attempts at contact from their side either.

They don’t speak to anyone else until the wake, all of their focus during the funeral is to pay their respects to Krystall and making sure the kids are entertained and they don’t cause a scene if they get bored. Her, Aaron and Jack had taken one of the smaller children each, Wren all but glued to her mother’s side as she looked around a room full of people she didn’t know. The wake is held at Dave’s house, echoes of his wife in every corner, and all Emily needs to do is close her eyes and she’s taken back to her and Aaron’s wedding. Having it here had felt right. She’d never wanted a big wedding and as soon as Aaron proposed she knew she wanted it here. In the place where they’d all come back together in the fallout of Ian and how he’d torn through their lives.

“Emily.”

She looks up, her breath catching in her chest as she sees JJ and Penelope walk over to her. There’s a moment of awkward silence as all three of them just look at each other, and then Penelope pulls her into a hug, every bit as fierce and loving as she had remembered.

“Hi Pen,” she says, holding her back just as tightly. She smiles as she pulls away and then hugs JJ too before she puts some space between them, “It’s…been a long time.”

“We weren’t expecting to see you,” JJ says, crossing her arms over her chest, “I didn’t know you guys were still in touch with Dave.”

She nods, her lips pressed together in a firm line, “It’s not very often,” she says, “But he called Aaron to tell him about Krystall, and it wouldn’t have felt right to not come.” She feels a pulling at the material of her dress and she looks down to see Wren standing close to her, a nervous look in her eyes as she looks back and forth between her mother and the women she was speaking to. Emily runs her fingers through the girl's hair and crouches down to her level, “You probably don’t remember Mommy and Daddy’s friends, huh?” She says, and she smiles as Wren shakes her head, stepping closer to her as she does so, seeking out her mother’s comfort, “That’s okay, you were very small the last time we were here.”

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” JJ asks, and it makes something in Emily’s chest pang, because if they’d stayed, if they’d never had to leave, she knows the woman she would have once called her best friend would have been one of the people who could tell the twins apart. She looks at Wren who stays silent, her hand tight around the black material of Emily’s dress.

“This is Wren,” she says, smiling at her friend as she picks her daughter up, settling her on her hip as she straightens up. Wren rests her head against her shoulder and tangles one of her hands in Emily’s hair, “Wren, these are Mommy’s friends. Jennifer-”

“Like my middle name,” Wren says, smiling as she finally finds her voice, and Emily and JJ exchange a sad smile.

“Yeah, sweet girl, like your middle name,” she replies, before tilting her towards Penelope, her eyes wide and shining, “And this is Penelope, just like Rosie’s middle name.”

Penelope clears her throat, pushing down the emotions that had climbed up it, and smiles at the little girl, “You’re very pretty, Wren Jennifer.”

Wren smiles at the compliment, “I look like Mommy!”

“Yeah,” Penelope replies, looking back at Emily, “You really do.”

Emily spots Jack and she puts Wren down, “Go with Jack, ok sweetie? Mommy will come find you in a bit.”

Wren nods and runs away, calling out Jack’s name in a way that is a little loud for a wake, but no one around seems to care. Strangers all smiling as the little girl is picked up by her brother and carried away. Emily turns back to look at JJ and Penelope and feels the awkwardness return, a mix of regret for the last few years mixing with defiance in her chest. She loved her life, and she’d done what she had to do.

“Sorry,” she says, her fingers immediately wrapping around her wedding rings, twisting them back and forth, “She’s nervous around strang…people she doesn’t know,” she says, correcting herself, the thought that someone she’d named her daughter after being a stranger to her too much to bear.

“So, where do you guys live?” JJ asks, trying to make the conversation feel a little more normal.

“New Haven,” she replies, smiling as she thinks of home, “We both teach at Yale. We both do classes in criminology and I do a few in linguistics.”

“You live in Connecticut?” Penelope asks, furrowing her brow, “You’ve been on the same coast all this time?”

“Well, not all this time,” Emily replies, “We were in witness protection in Ohio but moved up there afterwards.”

It had been something they’d gone back and forth on when they were deciding where to settle. Their home in Ohio had only ever felt temporary, the place they’d had to hide out from a man who had become so obsessed with Aaron he was stalking their son. Once they’d established they weren’t going to come back to DC they’d considered lots of places, but had settled on Connecticut, their life there different to how it had been before, and all the more precious for it.

“You never called,” Penelope says, and Emily presses her lips together before she blows out a breath.

“Neither did you,” she replies, no accusation in her voice, her smile sad, “I kind of always assumed you’d look us up.”

Penelope smiles wryly, “Dave had me under strict instructions to leave you to it. He said he’d never seen either of you so happy,” she says, looking at JJ before she looks back at Emily, “Who were we to mess with that after everything you’ve both been through.”

Emily nods, “How about we all agree to be better at staying in touch going forward?” She says, hoping it wasn’t a false promise, “You could come and visit, we have plenty of room.”

Penelope smiles, her expression widely inappropriate for where they were, “Oh my god you live in some kind of mansion don’t you?”

She presses her lips together to stop herself from smiling as she thinks of their home, how Aaron’s eyes had almost bugged out of his head when they first saw it. It hadn’t cost much more than their home in DC, but it was almost twice the size. Large and airy but comforting, everything she’d always hoped for.

“Something like that.”

___

May 2016

She’s chewed her nails almost to the quick. She knows he’ll pick up on it, that he’ll comment on the damage that she’s done, the spots of blood that always seemed fresh along her nail line, but she thinks she should get a pass.

Her husband had been arrested for something he hadn’t done after all.

It had only been a handful of days, three at most, but they’d blurred into one. Concern and fear that something would happen to him whilst he was in there, all of her previous jokes that all you had to do was look at him and you knew he was a cop haunting her as she failed to sleep. The team wouldn’t let her get involved, and neither would her direct superior on the Counterterrorism team, the job she’d returned to have she had the twins. Everyone sent her home, told her to be with her children, as if that would take her mind off of things.

Derek had been the one to call her to say they’d done it, that they’d proven Aaron’s innocence, and she doesn’t think she’d ever gotten out of the house faster. Jessica had been staying over with her since Aaron had been arrested, helping her with the kids and being emotional support. It was strange to Emily to think sometimes that one of her closest friends was the sister of her husband’s dead ex-wife, but life had always had a way of surprising her. Jessica offered to stay with the children whilst Emily went to the prison to meet Aaron, her desperation to see him clear.

She paces the sidewalk outside of the prison, what remains of her thumbnail in her teeth as seconds feel like hours as they pass by. She checks the time on her phone, her wallpaper, a photo of their family, of her and Aaron holding one of the girls each, Wren in her arms and Rose in Aaron’s, with Jack and Oscar on either side of them, making her ache. When the front door opens, the metal clang of it ringing out around her, she turns so quickly she pulls her neck, but she barely feels it. A shuddering sigh escapes her in relief as her eyes meet his. He was wearing the suit he’d worn when he last left home, rumbled and dirty now, and his beard had grown out a little. It was the first time ever that the sight of it made her feel nauseous, instead of the usual lust that would take over her. Dave is with him but hangs back, a few paces behind her husband so he can give them some time together.

They move at the same time, closing the gap between them as they meet in an embrace that winds them both, knocking the air out of each other's lungs as they hug tightly. His arms band around her back, holding her with such ferocity her feet leave the ground, her toes just about scraping the cement. She pulls back just enough to kiss him, her lips fierce against his as he kisses her back, his fists tight in her shirt. She looks at him, her hand on his cheek as she checks for injuries.

“Are you okay?” She asks, the question sounding ridiculous as she asks it, her voice croaking in a way she hates.

“I’m as okay as I can be,” he replies, pressing his forehead against hers, “How about you, and the kids?”

“Same,” she replies, “They are excited to see you.”

He nods, the thought of seeing his wife and kids, of holding them all like she was currently holding her, had been the only thing that had got him through the last few days. “I’m excited to see them too, as soon as this case-”

“No,” she says, squeezing him harder as he tries to turn away, to look at Dave over his shoulder, “Let’s just go home,” she all but begs, the thought of him going to work, of leaving her sight, too much to bear, “Please, the team can handle it without you.”

It’s a turning point in their relationship. She’d never asked him to step away from work before. She understood him, she was the same. They both valued their work and its importance, but this was different. This case, anything to do with Peter Lewis, was always trying to pull them apart, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

And from the look on his face, she doesn’t think he can either.

He crumbles, any resolve he may have had to not go straight home with her already weak as it was. He turns to look at Dave and he doesn’t even have to say anything, a sad yet knowing smile on the other man's face.

“My advice, as a man who has been divorced three times?” He says, stepping towards them and pressing his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. He smiles at Emily as he carries on, “Listen to your wife. We’ve got it, Aaron. Go home and hug your children.”

Aaron nods, not needing any further encouragement, and he looks down at his wife, “Let’s go home.”

Emily almost sags with relief against him, hugging him one more time before she pulls away, linking her hand through his, not wanting to lose the connection. She looks at Dave, her relief palpable as she speaks.

“Grazie.”

“Sempre,” he replies, winking at her before he walks away back to his car, ready to join the team to finish what they’d started.

Emily looks back at Aaron and squeezes his hand, “Come on, I’ll drive.”

He follows her gladly to their car, and it’s only when she lets go of his hand to dig the car keys out of her pocket that he sees her nails, now they’ve been torn to pieces. He grabs her hand again and looks closer, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of them.

“Em…”

She smiles sadly at him and shrugs, “Give a girl a break, my husband was in prison for something he didn’t do and I didn’t know if something was going to happen to him.”

He hugs her again, the weight of her against him soothing his weary soul as she leans into him, “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says, cupping his cheek, the rasp of his beard against her skin a good reminder that he was here, that she had him back, “It’s all Peter Lewis,” she says, clenching her teeth, “And he’ll eventually get what's coming to him,” she leans forward and stamps a kiss against his lips, pressing her forehead into his, “Now, lets get you home and showered. You stink.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and she kisses him once more before she pulls back. Their car journey home is silent, his hand on her thigh as she drives, and she can’t shake the sinking feeling that this isn’t over yet.

___

Emily yawns as she runs her fingers through Oscar’s hair, the boy fast asleep with his head in her lap. They were back at their hotel, and even though he’d insisted he wasn’t tired, that he wanted to sit and watch TV with her whilst Aaron gave the twins a bath and got them ready for bed, he’d fallen asleep almost immediately. She’d considered getting him into the room he was sharing with Jack whilst they were here, but she so rarely got time with her youngest son like this anymore so she was relishing in it.

She looks up as she hears a door open and smiles softly at Jack as he walks into the room. He was still wearing his suit from the funeral but he’d taken off his tie. He was taller than her now, and looked so incredibly grown up it made her ache. It was strange to think he’d been younger than Oscar when she’d first started dating Aaron. Her boyfriend's son who had also become hers, her love for him no different than for the three she’d carried herself.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” She asks, still running her fingers through Oscar’s hair as Jack joins them on the couch, his sigh heavy as he sits down.

He hums and looks around, “Where’s Dad?”

“Right now I’d say he’s trying to stop the twins from flooding the bathroom,” she replies, watching him carefully, giving him a moment before she prompts him, “It must have been strange for you to be back here.”

Krystall had been buried in the same cemetery as Haley, so they’d made sure to take some flowers to rest there, placing them alongside the ones she knew Jessica made sure were always fresh. She’d spotted Jack standing there after the service, his eyes fixed on his mother’s headstone and his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“Not any stranger than it is for you guys I guess,” he says, smiling tightly at her, “Do you miss living here?”

She sighs as she thinks about it. The answer, as with most things in her life, wasn’t simple. She missed how it used to be, how this place used to make her feel safe until that sense of peace was destroyed for her. She’d worked hard to claw it back after Ian, with no small amount of help from Jack and Aaron, the two of them slowly helping her find her place here again. She knew that without them she wouldn’t have made it, that she would left much earlier than she ended up doing, but she would have been alone, not with the family that she had built around her.

“Yes and no,” she replies eventually, always determined never to lie to him, “I miss the team, how things used to be with them, but I love our home and where we live,” she says, smiling when he does, “Do you miss living here?”

He shrugs, “Yes and no,” he replies, his smile briefly wide as she rolls her eyes at his repetition of her answer. His smile fades and he looks down at his hands, sighing as he avoids her eye contact, “I’m sorry, Mom.”

She frowns, her eyebrows creasing together as she looks at him, “What for honey?”

“I know we had to leave because of me,” he says, still looking at his hands, “You wouldn’t have lost contact with everyone if you didn’t have to keep me safe from that Scratch guy.”

She swears she can hear her heart crack, the sound reverberating around her head, and not for the first time, and certainly not the last, she internally curses a man who was long since dead. She gently shifts from underneath Oscar, placing a pillow under his head, and she moves closer to Jack, she cups his chin and makes him look at her.

“Jack, nothing about what happened is your fault,” she says, smiling encouragingly at him as she wipes a tear she knows he’ll deny existed later from his cheek, “You have nothing to apologise for. The only person to blame is long gone, and he can’t hurt any of us anymore. Your Dad and I…we did what we had to do. And I’d do it all again to know you grew up safe and away from it all, okay?”

He sniffs and nods, “Okay.”

“Good,” she says, pulling him into a hug that he gladly returns, his arms fierce and tight around her. For a moment she misses when he was small, when he could fit in her lap and her embrace would envelop him, not the other way around.

“Love you, Mom.”

She smiles and kisses the side of his head, “Love you too, honey.”

___

November 2016

Emily paces back and forth in their bedroom with a cranky and sick Rose in her arms. The 15-month-old was the latest to come down with the cold that Jack had brought home from school, and she refused to be put down, crying anytime she wasn’t in the comfort of one of her parents embrace. Emily doesn’t mind, happy to stay up the whole night if her little girl needed her, well aware that the baby’s clinginess was something the was a comfort to them both right now, the weight of her daughter against her chest one of the only things keeping her grounded.

“Mama,” Rose grumbles, pressing her face into her mother’s neck, as if she’d find the relief to her sore head and blocked nose there. Emily shushes her as she kisses the side of her daughter’s head.

“Mama’s got you Rosie girl, you’re okay,” she says, still walking back and forth, hoping she could finally get the baby off to sleep, “You’re okay.” She looks up as the door opens, her eyes meeting her husband’s as he steps into the room looking every bit as weary as she feels. He walks over and kisses her cheek before he does the same with Rose, his hand on the back of the little girl's head. “Is everything…”

He smiles tightly at her as she drifts off, the words dying in her throat, the now familiar fear that had been haunting them for months back in full force. Peter Lewis was stalking Jack. Following him everywhere, his own past imprinted on the 11-year-old through his obsession with Aaron.

“I’ve double-checked all the locks and the alarm, and we have some local cops stationed outside until we know what we’re doing.”

She chuckles humourlessly and looks down, relieved that Rose was now sleeping, “Yeah,” she says, sitting on the edge of the bed, keeping her daughter secure in her arms, “Because he’s never managed to sneak past cops before.”

Aaron sighs, overwhelmed by guilt as he pushes his fingers through his hair, “Em…”

“I know,” she says, clearing her throat as she shakes her head at herself, “I know, I’m sorry,” she says, unhooking one of her arms from around the baby sleeping against her and offering it out to him. He joins her on the bed, sitting so close their thighs are pressed together, and she wraps her hand around his, “I’m just scared, Aaron,” she says, her lower lip trembling with the force of everything she was feeling, “He’s never going to stop.”

He wraps his arm around her, tugging her and Rose into his embrace, his arms banding around them. He wished it was always this simple, that he could protect them all by just holding them, his embrace as safe a place as Emily had always said it was. He knows he can’t do that though, that he’d failed again and again to protect his family from a man who seemed intent on destroying them. He heaves in a deep breath as he prepares to say what's been on his mind all day, something he knows won’t go down well.

“I think you and the kids should go away for a while,” he says, and he feels her tense in his arms, her body immediately tight as she pulls back to look at him, her irritation at his suggestion immediately clear, “It’s the only way I can keep you safe.”

“No.”

He sighs at her tone, the complete lack of room for argument, and he feels his heart sink in his chest, “Em-”

“No,” she repeats, harsher this time, anger for the situation and everything they’d been put through since Peter Lewis first set his sights on Aaron finally breaking free, “We’re not going anywhere without you. I refuse. I’m not leaving you here as bait for a man that wants you dead,” a tear falls past her lashline and he wipes it away, his calloused thumb soft against her cheek, “I’m not doing it, Aaron.”

“He made me watch you die,” he says, his tone just as harsh as hers. He swallows thickly, his jaw tense as she frowns at him, her eyebrows knitting together. He’d never told her everything that Peter Lewis had done to him when he’d captured him, never quite able to bring himself to explain all the terrible things he’d seen, “He…you and the kids were dead. He tried to convince me it was real and it felt it.”

Her heart aches, the thought of it enough to stop her from breathing, and she holds Rose even tighter, taking a moment to kiss her cheek, “Honey, thats all the more reason for me not to leave you here. If he did that last time, god knows what he’d do this time and I…”

She doesn’t know how to explain it to him, how to put into words how this whole situation had shaken her faith in the system she’d always been a part of. The system she’d died for. How watching him get arrested and put in prison for something he hadn’t done, how he’d been treated by people he’d protected again and again, had made her start to question what the hell they’d both risked their lives for over the years.

She knew he was right on some level, that they couldn’t carry on as they had been, especially now the target had switched to their children, but she wasn’t going anywhere without him. She knew if she did, if Aaron was left alone, that she’d likely never see him again. That the man who had been taunting them for well over a year would likely get his wish and kill him. She didn’t want to raise their kids alone, didn’t want to have to remind her 4-year-old son and baby daughters how much their dad loved them, fill their lives with memories of a man they didn’t remember because he wasn’t there to do it himself. She didn’t want to take Jack away from his father for the second time in his life, to force him to once again live away from him.

She didn’t want to live without the love of her life.

“Either we all go, or none of us do,” she says, breaking the tense silence they had fallen into. She watches as he frowns, his eyebrows knitting together as her words wash over him. She places her hand on his cheek, “I am so done with what that rat faced fucker is doing to us, what he is doing to our children’s lives. Honey, they deserve to have us both, safe and with them.”

He nods, leaning forward to press his forehead into hers, his eyes screwed shut as he heaves in a deep breath, “It will mean walking away from everything. Our friends. Our careers. Our home.”

She nods, pressing her lips together to stop the shake of them, “I know, but we’ll be together. The kids will be safe,” she pulls back to look at him, her chin trembling as she tries to stop herself from crying, “And my home is wherever you are.”

He smiles softly at her, reaching out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, “My home is wherever you are too.”

“This job has taken so much from both of us,” she says, shrugging slightly, looking down at the baby in her arms, smiling at the innocence her daughter had. The way her cheek was squished against her chest, her face relaxed as she slept, wholly unaware of the danger around them. She looks back at Aaron, “I won’t let it take you.”

He nods, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, lingering longer than normal, breathing her in before he pulls back.

“Okay.”

She feels like she’s been hit by a wave of relief, sure it would have knocked her over if she’d been standing, “Okay?”

He nods again and hugs her, “We’ll all go,” he says, the feeling of her sagging into his side the only evidence he needed that he’d made the right call.

“I love you,” she says, turning her head to kiss his throat, her lips soft against his skin.

“I love you too.”

For the first time in a long time, it felt like that would be enough to get them through.

___

“Ok, boys,” Aaron says as they walk through the front door, “Straight to bed.”

Jack and Oscar's exhaustion from the long car journey home is clear when neither of them argues with him, both nodding as they exchange goodnights with their parents before they head upstairs. He adjusts his hold on Wren, the 5-year-old fast asleep in his arms and turns to look at Emily, who had Rose in hers, her face pressed into her mother’s neck.

“We’ll take them up and then meet in our room?” He says and Emily nods, leaning in to press a kiss to Wren’s head.

“Night sweet girl,” she whispers, not wanting to wake either of the sleeping girls up, “Mommy loves you.”

They walk up the stairs and head into each of the girl's rooms, careful not to make too much noise as they go. Emily pulls back the covers on Rose’s bed and lays her down, grateful that she’d insisted the girls travel back home in their pjyamas, well aware that this would be what they’d end up doing. She tucks Rose in and makes sure her favourite stuffed animal is in reach and she leans down to press a kiss to her forehead. Rose stirs slightly, pulling the covers in tighter around herself.

“Love you, Mama,” she murmurs, not even fully awake, but aware of her mother’s presence.

“Love you too, Ro-Ro,” she says, using the nickname that Rose only let her use, “Go back to sleep, sweetie.”

She smiles as she hears her daughter’s breathing even out, and she kisses her forehead again before she stands up and heads to the master bedroom down the hall. She sighs as she sits on the edge of the bed and takes off her shoes, groaning in delight as she slips the heels off and lets them drop to the floor.

“It’s always concerning when you make that noise at anything other than me.”

She chuckles as she looks up at her husband, “Oh honey, you know you’re the only reason I ever mean it,” she says, winking at him. She raises her arm to offer him her hand, and he walks over, linking their fingers before he joins her on the bed. She rests her head on his shoulder and yawns, “I’m so tired.”

He chuckles as he kisses her forehead, “And you’re not the one who drove for almost 7 hours today.”

“I’m a passenger princess and you know it,” she says, wrapping both of her arms around his, hugging it to her chest, “And don’t act like you don’t love it.”

He can’t deny it so he simply kisses her forehead again and breathes her in, the smell of her shampoo as comforting as it always had been. He doesn’t miss the desperation in the way she’s hugging his arm to her chest, the way she’s pressing her face into his shoulder, as if at any second he’d be torn away from her. He know that going back had been hard on her, on all of them. That seeing their friends again, all of them making promises as they left that he hopes they all keep, had been draining. Emotionally taxing in an already charged situation.

“You ok, sweetheart?”

She hums, squeezing his arm a little tighter, “I just keep thinking about Dave,” she says, tilting her head to look up at him, “He loved her so much and now she’s gone. What do you do with all that love when you lose someone? Where does it go?” She asks, sighing sadly as their eyes meet, “I’m not expecting you to answer that by the way I just…I just keep thinking about how I’d feel if I lost you, and it’s unbearable.”

He pulls his arm out of hers so he can wrap it around her, holding her close and fiercely, surrounding her with his love to remind her she still had it.

“I’m not going anywhere, Em,” he says, cupping her cheek and making her look at him, “I’m right here - you haven’t lost me.”

“I know, but I almost have so many times and being back there was a reminder of that,” she says, her eyes searching his, “I’m so glad we’re home.”

He knows there is very little he can say to comfort her, that it will take days for her to feel like she’s on an even footing again, so he simply nods. He stamps a kiss on her forehead and then on her lips.

“Me too, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her again, “Me too.”

___

October 2017

She’s only just got both the twins down for their nap when the doorbell rings. She curses under her breath and hopes Aaron can make it to the front door before the doorbell rings again, the chances of getting both Wren and Rose back to sleep if they wake up slim to none.

She hears the front door open and sighs in relief, looking back at her daughters once more before she leaves the nursery. She hears the door close again as she walks down the stairs, baby monitor in hand, and she’s already talking by the time she makes it to the foyer.

“Who was that, honey? Was it the neighbour…” she drifts off as she looks up, her words dying in her throat as her eyes land on someone standing next to her husband who she hadn’t realised knew where they lived, “Dave?”

He smiles at her, “Hi Bella.”

She walks over and hugs him tightly, her eyebrows creasing at the sight of his black eye and the healing cuts on his face, “You look like shit.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “Nice to see you too.”

Any further conversation is cut off as Jack walks in, Oscar just a few paces behind him as always, and he freezes, “Uncle Dave?”

“Jack,” the older man says, looking past him, “And Oscar, you’re both getting so big.”

Emily looks at her husband, their eyes meeting in a silent conversation and she nods towards the boys.

There was only one reason Dave would be here, that he would risk the protection they’d been forced into almost a year ago.

“Jack,” Aaron says, making eye contact with his oldest, “You can catch up with Uncle Dave later, for now you and Oscar can go play.”

The way he says it leaves no room for argument and Jack knows it, grabbing his younger brother’s hand before he leads him away and further into the house, “Come on Ozzie, the grown-ups need to speak to each other.”

As soon as they are alone Aaron suggests they go to the living room, and Emily watches as Dave looks at the pictures hung on almost every surface of their house, a soft smile on his face as he takes it all in. They all sit down in the living room, Aaron’s hand tight around his wife’s, both of them desperately needing the comfort, familiar panic climbing up both of their throats.

“What’s going on?” Emily asks, “If you’re here that means…”

“Peter Lewis is dead,” he says, finishing the thought she hadn’t dared to verbalise, worried it was almost too good to be true.

The relief is palpable, overwhelming in a way that forces her breath to catch in her chest. It was over. The man who had tried to break them apart was gone.

“You’re sure?” Aaron asks, running his thumb back and forth over his wife’s pulse point, and Dave nods.

“Saw the bastard die myself.”

Emily can tell there is more to the story, a look in her friend’s eyes that he couldn’t hide from them, “What happened?”

They listen as he explains it all to them. How a new member of the team, Stephen, had died in the pursuit of Peter Lewis. How Dave himself had been captured, tortured with the same methods that had been used on Aaron years ago in an attempt to find out where they were. How Spencer and the rest of them had rescued him, and the final showdown that had led to the death of Lewis.

Neither she nor Aaron know what to say, the story heavy as it sits in the air around them, creating a tension that rarely existed in their lives these days. There’s a cry from upstairs, one of the twins awake before she should be, and Emily immediately moves to go see her, but Aaron stops her, his hand on her thigh.

“I’ll go,” he says, the tight smile on his face enough to let her know that he needed a moment, needed a few minutes with one of their children to remind himself that everything was okay. She nods and he stands up, walking over to Dave, who also stands, and pulling the other man into a hug, “Thank you, Dave. I…thank you.”

It didn’t seem like enough, and Aaron wasn’t sure anything ever would, but Dave simply nods, a soft smile on his face.

“Anytime,” he says, his smile turning into a smirk, “Although I think I’m too old to go through it all again so you two better stay out of trouble.”

Aaron chuckles and nods, patting his friend on the back before he leaves the room, his footsteps loud on the stairs as he goes up them. Emily looks at her friend and leans back on the couch, blowing out a steady breath as she shakes her head.

“What’s wrong, Bella?” He asks, and she raises her eyebrow at him, causing him to shrug, “That’s your tell.”

She rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath, “That’s what Aaron always says too,” she flashes him a smile, “I don’t know what to do next,” she says, overwhelmed with it all, with the fact they were free, “It’s been so long since we haven’t had to look over our shoulders for him. Fuck, I was still pregnant with the girls when this all started,” she runs her hands over her face, “I don’t know what to do next,” she repeats, not looking for an answer but unable to keep the thought to herself.

“Do you want advice from an old man?”

She smiles as she sits up a little straighter, “That’s the second time you’ve called yourself old since you got here, if you’re fishing for compliments you’re looking in the wrong place,” she jokes, smiling when he shakes his head at her, “Yes, I’d like some advice.”

“Don’t come back.” He says simply. Whatever she had been expecting him to say, it hadn’t been that, and she frowns, tilting her head at him in confusion. He chuckles, “Not that I don’t miss having you and your delightful personality around all the time, but the two of you seem happy. Happier than you’ve ever been.” he says, looking around the living room, gesturing at all the signs of their normal, happy life. Half-drawn pictures on paper strewn on the coffee table, photos of all of the stages of the kid's lives, brightly coloured plastic toys in amongst all of the modern furniture, “You have a life away from it all and as someone who has never quite been able to pull himself away, I think you’d be crazy to come back to it.”

She nods, her lips pressed together as she thinks about it. She’s not sure she wants to go back, the mere thought of it, of reintroducing that kind of danger to her day-to-day life, and therefore the lives of her children, almost too much to bear.

“I think you’re right.”

He smirks at her, “Things really have changed, I don’t think you’ve ever said that before.”

She shakes her head and chokes out a laugh, “Stronzo.”

He places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes, his expression serious again, “I mean it, Emily. You both deserve this. I’m not saying you should stay right here, but now he’s gone you can go wherever you want.”

It’s a type of freedom she’d missed. Her life hidden away for the last year or so as she waited for the other shoe to drop, sure every time that she heard a noise in the middle of the night that Lewis had found them.

“It’s strange,” she says, smiling softly at him, “I’ve started from scratch so many times in my life, I never thought I’d do it again.”

Aaron walks into the room, a sleepy but awake Wren on his hip, her tiny fist rubbing at her eye, “That’s a terrible pun, sweetheart.”

She looks back and forth between Dave and Aaron, feeling like she’s missing out on something as they both laugh, and she sighs when the penny drops.

“I didn’t mean that,” she says, unable to stop herself from joining in on the laughter, the sound light and free as it fills the room, “You jerks.”

-x-

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georgieluz · 8 months

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Lmao not gonna lie… it’s been a long day and I don’t know if I sent you asks for this particular ask game so please excuse me if I did 😃

1. Who was your first favourite character?

2. Is there a character you liked/disliked at first, but then changed opinion on throughout the show?

3. When did you first watch the show?

4. If you could pick three characters to be on your zombie apocalypse team, who would they be and why?

5. If you had to be one of the Easy boys for a day, who would you be and why? What would you want to do?

7. What’s your favourite quote from the show?

8. How did you find out about the show?

10. Would you ever do the same thing the boys did if you got the chance? Why/why not?

12. What do you think your army nickname would be if you were in it?

14. How many pairs of socks would you bring to Bastogne? [Because, as they say, socks are important!]

15. If you had to have a sidekick that was one of the guys from the show, who would you pick and why?

16. If you had to pick a trait from any of the boys that would be your main trait, which one would it be?

18. If you had to be named after one of the boys, who would it be and why?

19. What song [beside the original scores] do you connect the most with the show?

20. If you have a(ny) ship(s) when it comes to the show, which one(s) is your absolute favourite?

(Please ignore the fact that I basically sent you all the asks in the list lmao… let’s say I’m just really interested in your answers 🙃)

omg louise i thought you'd copy and pasted the whole thing in here at first lmaoo but i love it! okay let's go!!

1. Who was your first favourite character?

my love lewis nixon!! he was my guy from the get go and tbh he'll always be my favourite.

2. Is there a character you liked/disliked at first, but then changed opinion on throughout the show?

never quite as drastic as going from straight up disliking someone to liking or vice versa, but it took a few episodes to fully appreciate a lot of characters just from the structure and ensemble nature of the show. the funniest thing is that when george appeared i genuinely thought 'omg he's gonna be the annoying one, isn't he?' and like i wasn't wrong, but he's Endearing Annoying, not Annoying Annoying, and well, look at me now, i am a george luz enthusiast through and through

3. When did you first watch the show?

i don't have an exact year but i was about 14 maybe?

4. If you could pick three characters to be on your zombie apocalypse team, who would they be and why?

okay here's where we need to get serious about strategy! everyone will pick shifty bc of his skills, but i reckon since i already have a decent enough aim from doing archery, it would be silly to waste a pick on another good shot (sorry, my guy, you are welcome to join our team further into the narrative). so my picks would start with doc roe because c'mon, every zombie apocalypse team needs a medic! then i'm gonna choose george for group morale and being-my-boyfriend purposes. and then for my final pick, i'm struggling to choose between johnny martin for protection purposes and lipton for keeping-us-alive and doc-roe-is-gonna-kill-george-and-julian-otherwise purposes.. i feel like lip would be such a great all rounder choice, he can protect us in so many different ways, both physical and emotional. okay, lip it is. i think johnny would find us so annoying and would just be like "y'know what? fuck this i'm going off by myself". also, during this thought process i just imagined how terrible a me, tab, webster and babe team would be... like we would not last! we'd be the prettiest apocalypse team around but we would NOT survive!

5. If you had to be one of the Easy boys for a day, who would you be and why? What would you want to do?

speirs! because it would be fun to experience being someone that people are scared of for a day bc i'm the least intimidating person ever lmao.. i'd go around terrifying everyone with vague silent threats or just saying the most out of character shit to people, like wishing them a good day and complimenting them, because i think that would be even scarier to hear from speirs

7. What’s your favourite quote from the show?

let me think of this and get back to you because i have too many and really need to narrow it down!

8. How did you find out about the show?

i already answered this one over here

10. Would you ever do the same thing the boys did if you got the chance? Why/why not?

for me to jump out of a plane you would quite literally have to drug me, drag me into the flying tin can and throw me out yourself tbh

12. What do you think your army nickname would be if you were in it?

i already answered this here, but feel free to suggest one if you please haha

14. How many pairs of socks would you bring to Bastogne? [Because, as they say, socks are important!]

answered this one here too, but i will say once again: ALL of them!

15. If you had to have a sidekick that was one of the guys from the show, who would you pick and why?

me and babe would absolutely kill it as the silly lil ginger duo, we'd be so annoying but everyone would let us get away with murder bc they think we're cute

16. If you had to pick a trait from any of the boys that would be your main trait, which one would it be?

i was gonna pick something fun but y'know what i would genuinely benefit from? a little bit of lipton or winters patience and will power bc i have literally zero whatsoever and it's actually annoying as hell

18. If you had to be named after one of the boys, who would it be and why?

i actually don't know, that's another one i'll have to think about!

19. What song [beside the original scores] do you connect the most with the show?

somebody to die for by hurts!! i actually can't listen to the song without thinking about easy and certain scenes now

20. If you have a(ny) ship(s) when it comes to the show, which one(s) is your absolute favourite?

this tends to change with the seasons! webgott and winnix will always have me obsessed simply bc it's so There!!! and honestly, winnix had little gay me internally screaming when i watched it with my dad as a teenager the first time.. but i'm a massive rarepair guy so what i'm absolutely living for is lipluz, ronnix, speirsgrant, spalton (please tell me this is speirs and alton more's ship name.. if not, it is now!), a little bit of winteroe and a side of speirluzton.. i'll never say no to a big plate of baberoe either!!

for this band of brothers ask game :)

#thank you for asking so many louise!!!#this was a lot of fun to answer!#julian's ask games #julian's inbox

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jamesunderwater · 7 months

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2, 8, 17, 21!

02: Lyrics from the most recent song that made you think of a Marauders Era character

Last night I was listening to July by Laur Elle (who is amazing btw and just put out a new album) and the lyrics below made me think of Sirius and the self-loathing of his teen years that he just...completely keeps to himself.

One step forwards, falling backwards I just wanna prove that I'm worth More than what my head tells me that I am I'll try again How do I fake a smile and feel the tension? Wait, I'm moving too fast in the wrong direction I've been running around in the dark with no light But I can't stop staying up looking for signs

08: Lyrics that make you FERAL about your favorite character

Muahaha I get to do another one >:) Okay so technically this is a prongsfoot song (or wolfstar if that's your vibe) but oh my FUCKING god I feel like Sirius Black wrote it and I scream and cry in the car to it and it tears me in two, so, uh, enjoy (giving you both the verses and then the chorus which is essentially the whole song but it's worth it).

[verse 1] Around the sun and around again You seem to look right through me Another year being your best friend Feels like you always knew me And I'm so proud to call you mine Feels like I know you from another life [chorus] [verse 2] Around the clock, we can talk for days 'Bout how we saw it coming Another sign written on my face 'Cause now my blood is pumpin' Can you just hold me for a little while? My skin is crawling, I feel vile [chorus] But what if it doesn't end well Would you still stay? What if I fuck it up like I always do And my shit gets in the way? What if it doesn't end well Would we still be fine? When the world is over and we go under Would you still be mine?

17: Lyrics you think perfectly describe Remus Lupin

Oh, the entire song Half a Man by Dean Lewis, hands fucking down. But here are the beginning lyrics. I mean ugh he literally believes he's half a man; the second line could refer to him telling Tonks things are over with him and Sirius when they're not. The rest needs no explanation imo. I mean, it's just. It's perfect.

I was wrong to say I loved her, I was wrong to think I'm right When I told her it was over, oh my darling I had lied I've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind I've been running from myself, afraid of what I'd find But how am I supposed to love you when I don't love who I am? And how could I give you all of me when I'm only half a man? 'Cause I'm a sinking ship that's burning, so let go of my hand Oh how can I give you all of me when I'm only half a man?

21: Lyrics from a song you think the Marauders Era girlies would perform if they were an all-girl band (+ tell us what their performance would be like)

I fucking love that several people asked about this one. Hot of you all. Okay first of all I need to say imagining Lily Evans as the leader singer of an all-girl band is.......one of the hottest things I've ever thought of, jfc. Okay but um anyway I LOOOOVE this song for Lily, and I think it applies to all the first war Order girlies, who were FUCKING BAD ASSES and probably disappointed people by not being the same old girls they used to be. So please enjoy a snippet of EAT ME by Demi Lovato, feat. Royal & the Serpent.

Is this what you'd all prefer? Would you like me better if I was still her? Did she make your mouths water? Ugh I know the part I've played before I know the shit that I've ignored I know the girl that you adored She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn I can't spoon-feed you anymore I can't spoon-feed you anymore Dinner's served, it's on the floor I can't spoon-feed you anymore You'll have to eat me as I am You'll have to eat me as I am

Lyrics Ask Game: Marauders Edition

#this is SO FUCKING FUN god #marauders music #music #you've got mail #luna tag #ask game #the marauders #hp

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year

Note

Noticed something petty cool about your stories: every one of your oc's have somehting that makes them be more real... like, Pierres girl doesnt have a relationship with her family and seems to suffer from anxiety (same, girl :|), lewis girl has some sort of food allergies that can get pretty bad, charles girl is neurodivergent...we just waiting to discover something about micks and georges, i guess. but the thing is, i think its the most diverse group of badass women i've seen latelly. thank you for making them real people so we all can relate, for one reason or the other.

Hiii!

Actually, I'm happy you noticed that. It wasn't something I did totally on purpose, but something that I gradually began to notice myself and then started wanting to make it more evident. Nothing against other jobs/occupations, but I sometimes noticed how there were no characters/readers that had your average 9 to 5. I remember writing the first big Pierre piece and getting a message from someone who was also doing research and how it felt a bit closer to home and yeah, it go from there I guess. I saw a lot of pieces where they didn't specify those things and, while there's nothing wrong with that, I want to bring another thing to the table I guess... same thing with allergies and neurodivergency (I wrote those since someone trusted me enough for me to write them), and also family issues because, and it is something I say everyday almost, we have five fingers in each hand, they're all different and we need them all still. I obviously cannot cater for every single aspect of everyone's life, but if I can make things a little bit more relatable, I will ✨️

We are all so diverse and so unique and important in our own ways, and I really want to portray that in what I write 🤍

This is also a reminder that, if you feel comfortable to do so, if you want to ask something more specific that I am able to write, let me know and if I feel comfortable with it, I'd be more than happy to give it a go ✨️🤍

#hope i explained myself correctly #this is in no way to offend anyone #and hoping it makes sense #my brain is mush atp #inês writes blurbs

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denimbex1986 · 10 months

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youtube

"..I had kind of like a Wikipedia level knowledge of the, of the events I guess."

"I fancy myself a bit of a student of this period in time; I thought it was great the way that Chris chose expertly to cast this guy, it's a - it's literally a generation defining performance, and it's crazy too that you took all those swings at doing other projects with him and they all kind of come together in this one big partnership."

"...I think, you know, what happened in 45 completely changed history, completely changed the world, and we live in the shadow of what happened in 45 now; and people choose to think about it or not. So I think in those terms, for sure - for sure."

"...Chris talked Mozart and Salieri, and I think that was just a great shorthand, and even just by the time I was on set seeing how Cillian had embodied this character to the point where you go like: 'I feel like I'm practically with the guy', you can't help but feel a little bit iced out by it. Now Cillian is so warm and nice and inviting, but then we'd roll, and I'd feel like he was looking through me like I didn't exist. And I was like: 'That sucks', and I can only imagine there was a lot of people who felt that way. Lewis Strauss was in a position to so something about it; I don't know how culpable he was for that, but it is a story of how small, imagined slights between important people can have big impacts."

"Yeah, and that's the, the beauty of the story. It's you know, these, these - this tiny story in one way between these two men, out of this ginormous story about, about you know, life and death really."

"...I do think it may provoke people to go and read about this if they so wish, you know what I mean? But no, it's, it's, it's - it's entertaining and thrilling, but I do think it will be very thought-provoking as well."

"...If a piece of art can like, alter your emotions and kind of mess you up, I mean that's - that's something profound."

"I think part of it too is - and I think Chris is obviously just a master storyteller, but to achieve what Oppenheimer did and to be that conflicted about it, but to be so praised for it - that's why there's themes in this film about being held up in this rarified air for something that you're so conflicted about, and I think we can, I think we can feel that about - I mean, we'll just say it - the way your life is changing now, you're going to be in front of this huge film and we always have two sets of feelings. One is: 'That's great, and maybe I'll have even more opportunities for roles', the other is: 'What about my privacy and this and that?' Writ large as it affected the planet, I think every time they were giving him a round of applause and stomping their feet, he felt a little bit awful."

"Yeah, yeah., absolutely."

"Well, like I said earlier, I think it asks the biggest, hugest, most complex kind of questions, the most profound kind of ethical and moral, and moral questions, but at the same time, it is SO thrilling."

"...it kind of grabs you by the neck from the, from the first frame and you're kind of in it, you know? And I, and it also kind of sometimes has a kind of horror element to it; do you feel that?"

"Big time."

"It has so many different components to it; and it's entertaining in so many different ways - and again, challenging. What I love about these films, the sorts of films that Chris makes is he presupposes that the audiences are smart - which they are - you know? And he's done that all the way through with his films."

"I would say too that, look, we've been in this really odd thousand days of wondering even what the future of entertainment was going to be - and this is a definitive statement that cinema is moving forward while staying connected to its roots, and there's a purist element to this, but it is also every bit as cool and fun a ride as any genre movie you're going to see this summer for sure."

"...I'm always down for getting spartan and stripping things away; it's not easy because I'm a little bit of a Mexican jumping bean by nature, but it was a gift, being able to do all these scenes with you as you carried this film as exceptionally as you did was just an honor dude."

"Well likewise, man."

"...it scared me, I mean nowhere near as much as I'm sure when you first read this thing and go: 'Oh my God, I have to do this whole thing because Chris just called'. But anyway I got to, I got to experience it; it was also nice to have the pressure off, I was like: 'Let this guy do the heavy lifting.'...I'd come in: "Hey I had like four days off I was just kind of, you know, antiquing around Santa Fe, what have you been up to?" and he'd be like: "Are we running the lines?""

"...by the way, Santa Fe, fantastic. Now, he was also at all the locations where there was like, you know, 60 mile an hour winds and all that stuff, I - I hung out for the kind of pleasant, the pleasant fare, weather-wise."

"I didn't antique; I didn't do antiquing. I didn't even know it was a verb, actually."

#Oppenheimer #Robert Downey Jr.#Cillian Murphy #Christopher Nolan

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omishu · 1 year

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1, 4, 11, 19 (I’m 90% sure you would, so WHAT would you paint them?), 24, 33, 43, 46, 48

So many questions and I don't remember what they were! Lol had to go back and look up the ask meme.

1. Who is/are [my] comfort characters?

Probably Luffy from One Piece. I have so many fond memories of my connection to him as I grew up with the series, same for Sakura from Card Captor.

4. Which cryptyd being do [I] believe in?

Tbh I believe in a lot of supernatural/mythological/fairytale creatures, but I don't think they exist in all the same ways that people usually imagine them.

11. Favorite extracurricular activity?

Probably hiking. I just really enjoy spending time in nature, but I don't do it nearly as much as I'd like (thanks, depression).

19. imagine we're at a sleepover, would [I] paint [your] nails?

Hell yeah! People keep buying me nail polish but I never use it on myself. I love giving makeovers though. It's the cosplayer in me. I've done some fun designs on people's nails before. For you, I'd probably do a cat theme with different little kitties in neutral colors on each nail. I just think that'd be fun to have and might make you smile to look down at your hands and see. (ofc Napoleon and Lewis would make appearances)

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

I think we might each have a cup of warm cider and do plein air sketches of the sky or smth. And of course we'd talk about life and comfort each other and maybe laugh together. Maybe show each other recent pictures of interesting things we've done or seen recently. Just vibing.

33. the last adventure [I]'ve been on?

Well, my mom has been trying to drag me out of the house occasionally because y'know (depression). But recently we went out to this farm and stopped at every art gallery along the way. When we were on a main highway type back road (oxymoronic, I know), it was around lunch time and I saw a sign for a cafe detour. We pulled off and drove for a while through basically nothing and found a random tiny town. Little Washington has this fancy-ass inn that's like a 5-star hotel with a michelin star restaurant. The whole area is basically built up around this inn and has a bunch of art galleries and other little fun up-scale shops. It was so weird to find out in the middle of nowhere, and we'd never heard of it. But it was a pretty cool little place, even though it was kind of a ghost town when we were there.

43. what's [my] take on spicy foods? Hell yeah, BB!! I love 'em. One time when I was at a concert in high-school, a couple of my Korean friends made me some spicy ramen. Since then nothing really seems that spicy. But I love to get hot hot hot curry and wings. Now I'm craving spicy food, yummy.

46. Favorite holiday film?

Hm well we both know I love Klaus if we're talking about winter holidays. I feel like there are probably others that I like to watch every year, but I just love Klaus sm.

48. when did [I] first try an alcohol beverage?

I had a really awkward golden birthday (I turned 21 on the 21st) celebration, definitely one of the most disappointing and underwhelming. And I had never tried alcohol before I turned 21. My sister and I went to a winery for tastings, so I think that was probably my first wine. My first beer I split with a friend from my Japan-America cultural exchange group at a fancy sushi place after an obon matsuri at a local Buddhist temple, and I still haven't had a beer better than that one.

I think that's all of them! Hopefully these satiate your curiosity, my dear xoxo

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imthebadguyyy · 3 years

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Temporary Fix

Pairing - Lewis Hamilton x Reader (fem!F1 driver!reader)

Fandom - F1

Summary - You're the only female F1 driver, and you're damn good at your job. Oh, and you also have a friends with benefits relationship with a certain 7x World Champion.

Warnings - smut, best friends -> lovers, slight exhibitionism

A/N - you have the second merc seat in this, so Valterri isn't here : (( not proof read

Sometimes, you hated yourself for following your passion. Driving a F1 car had been your dream ever since you could remember. The long process from karting to F1 had been a difficult one. When you were seven, you had a go kart track manager that you couldn't race there because you were a girl. That had cemented your will to be the best you could be, and you had done it.

You had made it into a Mercedes F1 seat after spending two years in Williams. It was safe to say that you were one of the best drivers, with killer instinct and an excellent eye for overtakes. The likes of Mika Hakkinen, Niki Lauda, Jacques Villeneuve and others had praised your skills, naming you one of the best talents in the current driver pool.

But the glory, the fame, the praise, sometimes you wished you could just evaporate into thin air. This was one of those times. Press conferences sucked, they really did. Reporters and journalists thought they were entitled to ask you the most sexist of questions, brushing them off by saying it was 'just a simple question'. Sometimes the drivers you were paired up with defended you, like Seb or Pierre or Lewis or even Kimi. Sometimes people didn't want to say anything, or they just laughed it off or answered for you.

This was not one of those times. Charles was supposed to be your partner for the press conference, but he wasn't feeling too great so you were on your own. It had started off fine, with the usual questions like 'how are you feeling about the race?' 'is it gonna be a good weekend for Mercedes?' and then it had gone to 'Do you think you being the only woman here, you should have a special suit?' or 'Are you sure it's a good idea for you to continue another year in F1?' that's what had irked you off.

With a roll of your eyes and a shake of your head, you bit back the cutting response that had sprung to your lips, opting to simply look disapprovingly in silence, speaking more words in the quiet. Eventually, the conference was over, and you made your way out of the hall, deep in thought, so lost in your own world, you didn't notice when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into one of the nearby storage closets.

Your protest of "Hey!-" was cut off by a pair of lips pressing to yours, strong arms wrapping around your torso. "Heard you had a bad day with the press" Lewis mumbled against your lips, brow furrowing when you sighed and let your head drop onto his shoulder. "Yeah they're such fucking jerks" you replied, closing your eyes. "I'm sorry you have to deal with them every time" he continued, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Eh, I mean I'd rather not talk about it" you continued, letting your fingers trace a pattern on his chest.

The silence in the room was disturbed by the ringing of Lewis's phone, making you jump softly. "Bono" he answered, looking down at the screen. "Pick it up"

"Hello?"

"Lewis, we're waiting for the meeting? And is Y/N with you?" Bono's voice rang through the tiny closet, as you turned to look at Lewis with wide eyes. Shit, the debrief. "Yeah, I'm coming! Oh, and I'll see if I can find Y/N" he replied, making you suppress a smile. The moment he put the phone down, the both of you burst into giggles, before he leaned down to press another kiss to your lips. "Well, we should go" he said, biting back a smile when you sighed, and cuddled into his shoulder. "Fine"

"But I'll make it up to you tonight baby" he continued, as a shiver ran down your spine. Oh yeah, you two had a friends with benefits situation going on too. No biggie

Except, well, you know you couldn't tell anyone, and you were definitely in love with each other, but I mean, of course it was better to be stupid and just simply refuse to acknowledge those feelings for each other.

♥︎☾☁︎

It had happened, when Lewis won his championship in Turkey. The team had thrown a (socially distant) party, and you had gotten just a little more drunk than you should have, but the champagne was flowing, tequila shots were being taken, beer was being chugged so you just jumped in and had a few more glasses of wine than you should have, and participated in a few rounds of shots.

Before you had known, a pair of hot lips had crashed onto yours, and your arms had tightly held onto a broad pair of shoulders, as the pair of you had stumbled up to your hotel room, crashing backwards onto the bed. Your drunken mind had been sober enough to recognise the 'Still I Rise' tattoo across his back when he tugged his shirt off.

At the same time, Lewis had recognised your face, heart speeding up ever so slightly because holy shit he was making out with you, and he really, really liked you. Before he knew it, your dress was down to your knees, and his shirt was a rumpled mess on the floor, your friendship gone far beyond repair, but only in the best way possible.

The next morning, you had let out a groan when the sunshine had flashed into your eyes, rolling over to find Lewis lying next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist as he slept peacefully. Your heart rate had sped up, and you had shot up, scaring the living day light out of Lewis. He had awoken with a start, confusion present in his brown eyes, before realization had sunk in, and he had shot out of bed, wrapping one of the towels around his lower body.

But before the two of you could get awkward, he had strutted over to you, grabbing your face in his hands before pulling you in for a kiss that made you feel weak and light headed.

And then the both of you came to the conclusion that you two wanted something loose and flexible, something fun with no commitment.

But was it what you wanted?

♥︎☾☁︎

Sometimes debriefs could drag on. And on. And on. Eventually, the engineers left the room, leaving only Toto, Lewis, Bono, Angela, James and yourself in the room. Over the years, it had become like a family for you, and you loved them to absolute bits. The mood in the room had changed, as you all joked around for a while.

Watching from the other side of the room, Lewis couldn't help the smile that etched itself onto his face, when he saw you throw your head back with laughter at something Toto said, inhaling sharply when your neck came into clear view, a sudden urge to mark you up settling in on his body.

It was a thrill, to think of how many times you had come undone on his fingers and his tongue, how many nights you begged for him to fill you up with his cock. It was a thrill to think of all the times he had cried your name out in ecstasy while your tongue worked wonders around him. And yet, here you were, acting as if you two were just best friends, not two people who could barely keep their hands off of each other.

Just two nights ago, he had made you scream his name so loud, the person the next room, who just happened to be Daniel, had not let him hear the end of it. Thankfully, the Aussie hadn't realized it was you in his bed. Two nights ago, he had made you see stars, and after that you had rewarded him with the performance of his life to Nights Like This by Kehlani.

Snapping back to reality when a slight poke was applied to his shoulder, Lewis looked over to see Angela looking at him with a slight smirk on her face. He strongly suspected that the woman definitely had some sort of inkling about the both of you. How ? No idea. But she was a crazy smart woman, and was bound to have figured out that he was seeing someone.

It didn't help that atleast half the people on the grid had at some point teased him, telling him the both of you were made for each other. It was like the universe was pushing the both of you to be together, and he kept pushing it away

"So are we feeling confident going into this weekend?" Toto asked, grabbing his attention from the smirking blonde.

"Yup!" Your cheery answer elicited a smile from everyone in the room. "Yeah I think so" he said, watching as you flashed him a quick smile. "Okay, then, I think we're done for now. Any questions?" Bono asked, scanning a data sheet in front of him. "No, i'm good" you replied, reaching over to grab your phone. "Yeah me too" Lewis said, far too concerned with what was going to happen later that night to pay his full attention to Bono.

"Okay then. We'll see you tomorrow"

And with that they departed. Before Lewis could follow you, a hand grabbed his and he turned to see Angela, Toto and Bono looking at him expectantly. "So whose got you all distracted and flustered?" Angela asked, earning a smirk from Toto. "What? No one" he replied, slapping himself mentally for being all day dreamy during a meeting. "Oh really? I'm willing to bet you didn't hear anything I said during the meet except the last bit" Bono said, smiling when his driver got visibly flustered.

"So do we know her?" Angela continued, watching him closely for any giveaway reactions. "How would you know her if I don't like anyone?" Lewis said, hoping to God it didn't come across as awkward as it sounded.

"Never said you liked anyone. I'm saying you're in love with someone" Angela said, watching as her friend's eyes widened in shock, and he shook his head profusely. "Okay are you on something? I'm just gonna head back to the hotel now" he murmured, confused, and somewhat taken aback by her bluntness.

Ignoring the looks on the others faces, he made his way out to the paddock, trying his hardest to make sense of his feelings. Was a casual relationship with you what he wanted? He wanted so much more than that.

Lewis knew, deep down in his heart, that he wanted to hold your hand in public, and kiss you right on the lips in front of everyone when you shared a podium. He wanted to be able to call you his, to not just spend the night with you, but to spend all his days with you. But you didn't want that.

Or so he thought.

♥︎☾☁︎

Back at the hotel, Lewis busied himself with working out, trying to push all his frustrations out via the workout. He knew that you were going to turn up in the night, and he looked so damn forward to seeing you each night, but god, he hated it when you left in the morning. Every morning when your warm body slipped out from under the sheet, his arms would tighten for a moment, before your giggle would bring him back to reality and he'd hastily draw back, smiling at you. His favourite moment was when he came to your hotel room in Spain. In the morning, he had woken up before you, and before leaving, he had pressed a little kiss to your forehead. The most gorgeous smile had curled onto your lips, and his heart had melted into a little puddle when you rested your cheek on his hand

And then in Monaco, when he had taken you to his apartment, you had woken up before him, and he had woken up to the sight of you bringing a tray of pancakes and fruits, followed by a soft kiss to his cheek.

It was those moments he cherished, but it was those same moments that confused him.

His train of thought was broken when a knock echoed in the room, as he walked over to the door, opening it to find : you

"Hey" you greeted him, walking in and shedding your jacket. "Hey" he replied, reaching for a towel to wipe the sweat off of his body. "Wow um, is this a bad time?" You asked, eyes trailing down his abs, watching as his body glistened in the fading sun light. "No its fine, I just finished my workout. You hungry?" He continued, biting back a smirk when he saw your eyes roaming his body.

"W-what? Yeah, i, um, suppose - yeah" you murmured, mind already far down the gutter.

"For food darling, not for sex" he said, making you blush and let out a small gasp. "Lewis!" You chided, shoving him softly. "You know you were thinking it" he mumbled, pushing you up against the wall. "Yeah I was" you whispered back, yanking him forward by his shoulders, slamming your lips against his.

Lifting you up from the waist, he pressed his body further into yours, one of his hands wandering down to your ass, squeezing harshly, earning a moan from your lips. Taking the opportunity, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, groaning when you let your core grind against him.

Leading you towards the bed, he stopped in confusion when you stopped him, maneuvering him towards the balcony. "Want you to fuck me against the window or in the balcony" you gasped out, earning a moan from him.

"Right where anyone could see us, hmm? Didn't know you were into that baby" he growled, grabbing your earlobe in between his teeth, earning an airy gasp from you, as the wetness threatened to seep down your legs.

"Mmhmm" was all you could muster, your mind so clouded with desperation you couldn't form a single coherent thought. The only thing you were aware of was that only Lewis could make you feel the pleasure you wanted to feel, only he would take you to that little piece of heaven, only he would hold your hand and fuck you into oblivion, and he would still be there to clean you down with a sponge softly.

"If you insist"

Grabbing you roughly, he slammed your body against the massive hotel room window, ripping the mercedes team shirt you were wearing off of your quivering form, letting it drop to the floor, before he hooked his fingers into the material of your jeans, tugging the denim down your legs

With a soft groan, you pulled his nike shorts down his legs, moaning when his cock came into view, the throbbing in between your legs making you whimper, arousal and need growing tenfold in your tummy.

"Please" you whispered, meeting his eyes, so he could see the pure desperation in your eyes. "Please what?" He said, a certain roughness you hadn't heard before creeping into his voice

"Please fuck me" you moaned, gasping when he brought his hand up to your neck, squeezing ever so slightly. "Oh trust me doll, i will. But first, i want to have you dripping wet and ready for me. I want to make you cum on my fingers, so you're wet and ready for my cock. Do you want my fingers princess?" he continued, feeling his arousal grow when you whimpered and whined.

"Words baby girl. Or I'll just leave you here with your pathetic fingers. I bet you can't even reach all those spots inside you that make you scream, when your tiny little fingers try to please yourself. I bet you just feel like sinking into yourself, but the thought of my fingers keeps you awake. Do you do that, sweet girl? Do you pretend your fingers are mine when you're touching yourself, hmm?'

When you didn't answer, he delivered a smack to your ass, groaning when you moaned at the pleasurable sting. "Yes" you whispered abashed.

"Don't be shy baby. Its okay. I know you feel so good when I love on you. I can see it when you scream my name" and with that, his pointer finger began circling your clit, rubbing circles around it before shifting so he was rubbing the sensitive bud directly.

Your moans of ecstasy were music to his ear, a smile gracing his features, as he let his middle finger slip into you, thrusting it in and out of you. Your soft cry of "fuck" cracked when he shoved his pointer into you as well, scissoring them in and out of you

"Oh fucking hell Lew-" "Shh my darling, i didn't say you could talk, did I?" He said, fingers working at an indescribably quick pace, as the knot in your tummy tightened and threatened to loosen. "I'm gonna-" "go ahead baby" he murmured, using his pointer and thumb to pinch your clit roughly, as you came around his fingers with a scream

"Good girl. You wanna put that pretty little mouth to use somewhere else?" he asked, watching as you dropped to your knees eagerly, (just like I would do irl) reaching up to rest your hands on his hips.

"Someone's eager to suck my cock hmm? Be a good girl for me, and don't waste time" he ordered, a shudder running down his body when your nails traced the veins on his cock, and then as they reached downwards, your thumb circling his tip, collecting his pre cum on your finger. Then you shoved your thumb in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, before sucking softly on your digit, rolling your eyes back. You were snapped back to reality when Lewis roughly yanked your head up, pure arousal clouding his pupils

"You better use your mouth right now, or i swear i will leave you here alone to pleasure yourself" he threatened, moaning when you took his tip into your mouth at once, sucking softly before swirling your tongue upwards.

The feel of your tongue on him made him buck his hips into your mouth, the unexpected movement pushed him quite far back in your mouth, looking up at him, you hollowed out your cheeks, taking more and more of his cock into your mouth, the sounds he was making above you fuelling you. You took him as far back as you could without gagging, as a strangled moan of "Fuck Y/N!"left his lips. He grabbed your hair, tugging upwards, the tingling on your scalp sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. "Fuck baby, you're gonna have to stop now, I really want to fuck you now" he growled out, pulling you up before pushing you towards to balcony railing

Lining up with your entrance, he watched as you let out a shaky breath, eyes falling shut, as you clenched in anticipation.

"Are you sure you want this Y/N?" he asked, eyes searching your face for any sign that he was being too rough, or that you didn't want what was coming next

"Turning your head around to face him, you pulled him in for a passionate kiss. "I've never been more sure baby" was your affirming reply.

Kissing you back with the same fervour, he slowly pushed into you from behind, the both of you groaning in sync when your walls enveloped him. "fuck you feel so good darling. So fucking tight" lewis moaned, making you moan as well as the pleasure coursed through your veins.

Reaching around you, Lewis rubbed your clit while he continued to snap his hips against yours, making your breasts bounce against your chest, your hands gripping the balcony railing for dear life. Thank god it was dark.

He continued to rub and pinch you clit, before swiping his fingers through your wet folds. Then he shoved his fingers into your mouth, prompting you to suck on them

"Be an angel and suck on my fingers for me" he growled, moaning when your mouth eagerly closed around his fingers, sucking them with fervour.

Snapping his hips into you desperately, his hands encircled your waist, pulling you back to meet his thrusts, swishing his fingers around in your mouth. "Fuck baby thats it, i'm gonna cum" he groaned, capturing your earlobe in between his teeth, moaning when you clenched down on him again

"Oh fucking hell-" with a moan, he came into you, pulling his fingers out of your mouth to rub your clit again, sighing with satisfaction when you came around him with a scream of "Lewis!"

Panting, he dragged you back to the bed, both of you collapsing into the covers.

Your chest rising and falling rapidly, you curled up into his chest, letting your head droop onto his shoulder, as his fingers traced his initials onto your hip.

"Well princess, we seem to have a problem here" he said, as you snapped your head up to look at him in confusion.

"I think i'm in love with you"

♡☾☁︎

A/N - part 2? Also feel free to drop a comment, i'd really appreciate it 🤍 thank you so much for reading 🤍

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton imagines #lewis hamilton x reader smut #lewis hamilton x reader #f1 imagines #f1 drivers smut #f1 drivers imagines #f1 drivers x reader #f1 x reader #smut #imthebadguyyyfics

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i-got-the-feels · 2 years

Text

Things I don't see enough people talking about and can’t stop talking about in The Punisher S1:

Battling Mental illness :

• "Perspective is good. But the answers have to be your own" by Curtis to Lewis, saying that therapy and books and others can help you and guide you better to listen to your own voice, thoughts and emotions but ultimately you have to listen and face your inner-self.

•"You've been in a hole so long that its became home"

"Maybe that's where I am supposed to be"

Again by Curtis. And it is such a beautiful and deep quote about struggles with mental illness - not just PTSD but any mental illness. When you are battling illness you realise that your mental illness is a huge part of your identity and you begin to wonder if that's all you are. Finding out what other things you are besides your mental illness is where the second battle/journey of recovery begins.

•On Survivor's guilt

"And now you are wondering what right you have to be alive. You can't answer that question. but it's normal to ask it" by Madani's mom to Madani after Sam's death.

Frank Castle and David Liberman:

•They are two sides of the same coin. Both of their families were harmed because of their jobs. Only difference Liberman knew it, Frank didn't. Not until it was too late. And while Liberman can do something about it, Frank can't and Curtis called out Liberman for dragging Frank back into this again, in spite of knowing there is nothing good Frank can gain down the road.

•Frank saying THIS to Liberman to ask him who he is and why he is seeking Frank

"Mind needs routine, craves it. Pain isn't torture, you can develop tolerance for it. Time is. Knowing your life is near its end. You and I got time, Liberman" because they are essentially two dead men chasing the ghost of their past, one hoping it would make a difference to their future (Liberman) and other who doesn't know how to live in present or move on to future without banishing the ghosts of his past (Castle)

•Frank saying if Liberman wants to go to his family he has to get his hands dirty and he isn't "some guy" he can call to repair his life like he used to repair his sink in the past.

•Frank saying Liberman left his family, played possum, went under and giving Liberman shit for it but later telling Karen that he kept his family safe shows how Frank blames himself and says they would still be alive if it weren't for him.

Frank Castle and Karen Page:

•How Karen hopes Frank will stop chasing his Past

"When I see you, all i see is endless echoing loneliness"and when he denies she responds with," That is goddamn bullhshit. Everyone in this world is Fighting not to be alone. I want there to be an after for you"

•And if he is chasing his past, she wants it to be in a way the people accountable are punished by the truth and not painted as martrys because that is what they would become if Frank killed them.

Frank and Billy Russo (before the truth was out)

• Frank about Russo to Liberman

"I was a father, husband and a marine. I loved it. Billy russo is my family"

"I had two families, Maria and kids and my unit. I got his back. He got mine"

•Billy Russo defending Frank Castle to Dinah Madani.

"Stay long enough in war and you will get dirty unless you have a good thing to hold on to Frank's got taken away. The system failed Frank in a big way"

•Billy saying - "your family is gone but you are still my brother" and offering him the chance to run away.

Billy Russo and Frank Castle (after the truth was out)

•"I think that maybe the only reason you want Frank dead was so that you could pretend he could never make you feel like a man about to die" Billy Russo to Rawlins.

•"I made a promise" when Rawlins continues to torture Castle when he stops him from shooting him and doesn't let him have an easy death.

•"Did you pull a bullet in wife? On my son? My baby girl?"

"If i was there, I wouldn't have missed. But i said I'd not be a part of it"

"But you knew about it, Bill? You knew about it?"

"Yeah, I knew"

The conversation crushed me because you could hear the hope in Frank's voice that maybe he didn't know and didn't ignore it.

Billy Russo and his beliefs

•"Its was always about , clothes and cars and women with you"

"Its what those things represent. What I see when i look in the mirror" paired with this shot cannot be a coincidence

•And when Billy says this as to what he sees when he looks at Frank, "Lost his family. Lost his faith. About to loose his life" and Frank replies "You are wrong bill.You already lost. You lost your honor" but Billy doesn't think that.

To him, what Frank and we see are excuses are legit reasons of his survival and living and his conviction was showed in instances like what he said to Madani when he shot Frank in front of her, "It was war, Dinah. The only crime in war is to loose", when he said this to Curtis, "Drugs? Someone else would bring them. Killed Afghans? They kill each other." and telling Curtis "Call yourself an ambulance and go to the hospital. My word means something too" paralleling to what Frank said at the beginning of the call.

Dinah Madani and David Liberman:

•"And then you want justice coz you haven't figured out there is no such thing yet" and then "This is your justice?" with him pointing to beaten up and tortured Frank.

Dinah Madani, Billy Russo and Frank Castle:

•The first confrontation scene that Billy and Madani have in Homeland office

"I know you must be haunted by the death of your partner/s but it doesn't make me the guy you are looking for"

"I am looking for frank castle and maybe I'll take my time to do so. Remember how he looked at you in the stair well. You know he js gonna kill you and enjoy doing it. Who knows maybe he received at tipoff and is waiting outside this building. Nice suit, hope its bullet proof"

•To her later in hospital after being shot in the head

"I hope he remembers. So that when he sees me standing he knows the role I played in all of this"

echoing what Frank said as he dragged and crushed Billy's face on the glass, "Now you will live and remember"

On the flawed military system and Lewis being the face of it in the show- in the most obvious manner:

I say obvious because Frank, Liberman, Russo and Rawlins cannot be isolated from the military but their conflict focuses more on the moral choices these characters made in the military context, as being part of the system. Whereas with Lewis, he had no agency to make choice, the system made the choice for him.

"He is loyal to this country, flag, unit and corrupt officers like him take advantage of that."

Frank said this about a soldier in Benett's place when they gone there to hack his cellphone but this show's Lewis's anger, betrayal and hurt completely.

How he had to lie and hide truth about enemy soldiers killing when it was friendly fire, how he feels he is still in war but has no physical proof of it and hence the entire service feels like like a huge lie (when he said to Curt - "you got this in war" and Curtis calls him out and says"I didn't get anything. I lost my leg"), how he sees the country he thought he was defending wasn't even sure if it is worth defending.

On Gun Control

•Gun control is not about certain guns away from all people. But all guns away from certain people - Senator Ori.

•Lets not blame the tool. Lets manage the owners- Senator Ori.

Who is he - Frank Castle or The Punisher

•"Where is home frank?"

"Is it here or there (the battlefield)?"

"Its here. With you. You know that."

"No. I don't know that." before he says he won't go on another tour

• cut to the present with Frank with his bloodied hands leaving the vision Maria saying "This is my home" to say this is who he is now. His present.

The Mirror:

•From Curtis in Episode 1 saying this "Everybody wants to be somebody else. No one is happy to look in the mirror at themselves and see themselves and that means they don't have to be responsible either"

•Frank in Episode 13 saying this "If you are gonna look at yourself, really look at yourself in the mirror, you gotta admit who you are but not just to yourself. You gotta admit to everybody else"

Frank Castle, the fighter with Kids:

•Frankie - "marine scares the bad guys, daddy. When you are not here, its my job to protect the girls"

•"Frank is a lot scarier than Pete" "Yeah, he is"

Because Frank is still a fighter, be it as Frank Castle the fighter as a soldier or as The Punisher, a vigilante.

But mans always fights for what he believes to be right with complete honesty and withiut hiding.

Season 2

#the punisher #the punisher season 1 #show review #frank castle #billy russo #jon bernthal #ben barnes #dinah madani #william rawlins #liberman #daniel webber #netflix marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu

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clavis-baby · 3 years

Text

Songs that You would listen to After a Breakup with The Brothers

(Lucifer,Mammon,Satan,Asmo)

I’m so sorry I was listening to reckless and it made me feel something (also I’ve never dated anyone sooo shhh)

Also I tried to add at least 3/4 to every brother but I realized they all had a Olivia Rodrigo song so sorry about that also I tried not cross over the same songs 😅

Also Spotify Playlist!!!

————-

Lucifer

enough for you - Olivia Rodrigo

Okay so first Olivia track honestly I know we all cried to her whole album don’t deny it but essentially I felt that with the lyrics I wore makeup when we dated“'Cause I thought you'd like me more If I looked like the other prom queens” and “Tried so hard to be everything that you liked” I feel like Lucifer would expect that his lover to be perfect honestly this song really would work well with both of Satan and Lucifer so deciding between them was pretty hard but the pushing point for me to put this with Lucifer was the lyric “But I don't think anything could ever be enough”

Without me - Halsey

(Ugh I love Halsey so much and her baby soon!!!) Anyway!! For Lucifer I really think that his pride would’ve gotten in the way of all of his relationships he’s ever had but “Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?” Just screams Lucifer and how the chorus keeps on saying “I said I'd catch you if you fall” ahh perfect (could also work for Asmo)

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Won’t lie but embarrassed that I choose this song but it works for Lucifer sooo whatever but the chorus really is a fairly good start I feel like anyone who has a brain (even tho MC really doesn’t) dating Lucifer wouldn’t be particularly 100% safe but whatever he’s most people’s favorites again I used to love this song but don’t anymore so when I looked up songs about break ups (yes I did that) and Trouble came up I relistened and with these lyrics I had to include it No apologies “He'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know That he's the reason why”

Let Me down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Now if this was a cheating thing and he did cheat this would be like the absolute BEST SONG!! But tbh this is a pretty good song for any breakup I feel like…OH WELL! :) the first lyric FIRST LYRIC “This night is cold in the kingdom” I felt represented his pride idk how to explain but idk T-T I can explain the rest tho >~< “I once was a man with dignity and grace Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace” once again pride but with “Could you find a way to let me down slowly? A little sympathy, I hope you can show me” I really hc that almost with all the boys but especially with Lucifer they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone

Mammon

(I’m a sucker for him im sorry I put all the most emotional songs with him)

Reckless - Madison Beer

This was the song that inspired this whole post!! (Sadly, it made me feel things) But this song really could be used for Belphie and maybe a hint of Asmo but Mammon was the first person I thought about when listening to this song so it’s mammon. Mammon I just feel like behind all the tunsdere act he really promises us so much like obviously the protection but Reckless just show us within the lyrics “I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life” and even this lyric with his whole first man thing and even him asking us to come to him for protection “You might love her now, but you loved me first Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are” it just is so good 😭

Love me or leave me - little mix

So if you even skim through these Mammon songs and know about my posts I love him so much so even though what I said in Lucifers part about them not caring about cheating and stuff I feel like Mammon might care just because of how much he promises things also I read a lot of fanfics with what I just said “And you're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Oh” tbh because of this lyric I did think for a moment to use this song for Satan but Uhhh this is really emotional song and I love my bby “Do you remember when you loved me once What happened? What happened? And you'd hold me here just because” LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME HERE!!!

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

This song I feel like was a bit more for me sooo yeah also remember what I said about how I hc that almost with all the boys that they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush with you they would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone wel I sort of want to believe mammon wouldn’t and his greed gets in the way (who am I kidding I’m just making excuses for my baby) but I’m going to continue on what I just said because Umm well I can do uh “You start to tremble and your voice begins to break You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's They were my mate's”

(I couldn’t find anymore songs that I felt that would fit him 😭)

Asmo

Ex best friend - Machine gun Kelly

When I was writing this originally there was going to be like 4 parts of all the characters but then once I realized how many songs and I couldn’t think of any for others and how I wanted to add an explanation I gave up on that but originally it was going to also be cheating songs, fall outs, then just aftermaths of breakup songs which to be honest this song really could fit with the after math and cheating songs I feel like Asmo and his SO are more likely a not able to quit each other sort of thing “We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh” and even near the end of the first season the only little part we sort of get from character development from Asmo when we was drunk explains what he was sort of saying “I swear to God, I never fall in love Then you showed up, and I can't get enough of it I swear to God, I never fall in love I never fall in love, but I can't get enough of it First off, I'm not sorry I won't apologize to nobody You play like I'm invisible Girl, don't act like you ain't saw me” personally I do think that inside Asmo might be insecure and a bit sensitive on the inside but I could be wrong

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Wow I have the lyrics up and I just realized this 3 minute song has barley lyrics but the song still fits Asmo so.

traitor - Olivia Rodrio

Even tho that all these songs were on cheating I tend to hc that Asmo isn’t a huge fan of solo partnership because of the title avatar of lust so I feel like in maybe the beginning of a relationship he would promise to you that he would be there for you but would maybe end up not staying true to his words I forgot who but someone else explained why they don’t believe that Asmo wouldn’t be able to go with out having a Polly relationship

——-

I’ve had this in my drafts for so long and wanted to post this but at this point I’ve just can’t add anymore so this is my lazy part

Boys like you - Anna Clendening

Satan

Again I’m lazy rn but I wanted Satans part to show just pure madness and anger but also as time progress just sadness for Satans pure side also anything that had to do with books or a story I added for u know Satan loving books

I’m not mad - Halsey

Moral of the story - Ashe

Blue - Madison Beer

#obey me #obey me shitpost #shall we date #shall we date lucifer #leviathan #obey me shall we date #lucifer #obey me beelzebub #shall we date mammon #obey me asmo #shall we date asmodeus #shall we date satan #Spotify

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braddersbangerz · 3 years

Note

Misc 6 with Dan Lewis please 🥺👉👈

This is 800+ words and I haven't really edited it lolololololo It's Danham

Getting a text in the morning before Graham has even had his first brew for the day is enough to sour his mood, but getting a text requesting urgent help means he'll have to put his annoyance aside for the moment. Dan rarely asked for help, he's a competent man after all, so this is worrying. He's running through every scenario that could've happened to his friend.

Has he been mugged?

Punched?

Shot by an alien?

Graham huffs out a sigh and shakes his head, pushing all those thoughts aside. It's not that, it's just something simple, yeah, simple, he decides the moment he lays eyes on Dan's white van parked outside his rented flat.

Seriously, he didn't have to move to Sheffield to be part of their little unit, but he did. Ryan and Yaz have been prodding him about it, asking what he thinks. What is he meant to think? They're friends, good friends; Dan is a nice, funny man, and he's someone Graham loves spending time with; what is there to think about?

Luckily, Dan slipped Graham a key for special occasions; well, that's what he said anyway; still, he's glad he has that key now; this will make this so much easier.

"Dan, mate?" Graham calls out the moment he's through the door. "You all right, cockle?" There's a muffled response, and Graham's frowns in the direction it came from. "I'm coming, okay?"

The muffled voice gets louder and louder until he can make out what Dan is saying.

"Graham, that yous?"

Graham rolls his eyes. "Do you know any other cockneys?"

"Nah, but I do know a cock-"

"I can go back home and have my cuppa considering that this probably isn't a life or death situation-" Graham trails away the moment he steps into the bathroom. He's faced with Dan, lying on the floor, legged pointed upwards, and foot hidden in the bowl of his toilet. "What in the god happened to you?"

"Slipped-"

"Doing what?" Graham snorts, not even trying to cover his snickering.

Dan angles his head to look Graham in the eye. "There was a bleeding spider 'bove the bog, thought I'd get the fucker, but I weren't gonna kill it, tried gettin' it with a' glass, but could only stand on the bloody toilet, well I got the shit, but then I slipped, and me foot fell into the bowl n' got stuck."

Graham slow blinks at Dan. "How's the spider?"

"Shut up, and help me, you prick-" Dan snaps. "-I've been here for a while now-"

"Fine," Graham sighs.

It takes a while, but sure enough, Graham got Dan's foot from the toilet. It's now resting on the coffee table in his living room with a bag of peas draped over it.

Graham feels bad for laughing in the beginning; the sight of Dan wincing made him feel guilty. Maybe that's why he's made him a brew and got a plate of biccies ready for the pair of them. At least Dan seems content for the most part now.

"Hey," Dan glances towards Graham. "Cheers for the helpin' hand, mate, didn't know what else to do, ya know?"

Graham shrugs. "That's what friends do."

Dan looks away quickly. "Yeah, friends."

Graham's head tilts to the side because that's not the first time Dan has looked away quickly with a pained expression written across his face. "Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Something's wrong," Graham states with a concerned frown. "Have I done something?"

Dan snaps his head back to Graham again, eyes widened. "No, god, no, you haven't done 'nout, it's me and me alone."

"What's you?"

"If I say, it'll just make it awkward between us 'cos it's obvious you don't feel the same way as I do, no matter how much Ryan 'n Yaz said you're just dense-" Graham brows furrow. "-Graham, mate," Dan begins, taking a breath to steady himself. "I like you, and before you say anything, when I say like, I mean, like-"

"Oh."

"Yeah, see-"

Graham shakes his head in response. "Nah, just you hold on for a second," He states. "You like me, as in-" He makes an awkward kissing motion with his hands, and Dan nods to confirm. "-right, uh-" His head tilts, and he observes Dan. "-I mean, well, look, I said we were friends, right? That's 'cos I thought we were, but like, I'd be lying if I said I didn't check out the goods when we first met 'n all-"

"What?"

Graham shrugs now. "Hey, you came out of that river, jeans tight against your ass; where else was my bi ass meant to look? At the Doc? Disgusting."

"Hold on, are you saying that you like me back?"

"Well, yes and no, it's something I gotta think about, but-" He smirks slightly. "-it's definitely something I can considering."

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #dan lewis #john bishop #ficlet

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twoidiotwriters1 · 3 years

Text

June, 1976 (WITT One-Shot)

A/N: If you want to remain in the taglist pls interact with this one-shot even if you haven’t read book 4-5 yet. A like or a comment is fine, the people who don’t want to continue reading obvsly do not interact and I’ll delete from the taglist :) -Danny

Words: 2,590

Series’ Masterlist

Emily was tired, but she'd spent all day overthinking and she was done, it was time to grow up.

She could hear Lily Evans' voice ushering Severus Snape away, he'd been coming around for several hours during the day trying to apologize, but he'd finally crossed a line.

"It's not your fault, you know?"

Matthew's voice caught her attention, he'd stopped at the foot of the stairs, one hand propped on the wall.

"Snape and Evans have been fighting for months now, I think it's because of what he's been doing with the Slytherins... you know, the cult stuff."

Emily averted her gaze to the fireplace.

"I know..."

Matthew hesitated, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't go back to being Emily's therapist, but something was different this time, it wasn't her usual kind of sulking.

"Are you okay?"

She looked at him over her shoulder and frowned.

"I'm not the one who got called 'mudblood' by a close friend."

"No, you weren't," He admitted. "Which is why it's so strange to see you all sad."

"I'm not sad."

"Is this about James?"

He didn't want to know, but alas, he'd asked.

"No," She made a face. "I don't think I care about him that way anymore."

"It's easier said than done," Matthew crossed his arms, his shoulder now leaning on the archway of the stairs.

"What do you want, Ruddy?" Emily groaned.

"I don't want anything from you," The boy replied. "But I have the feeling that you need to talk."

"I do," She said. "Not with you, though."

Matt nodded, he sighed.

"Good luck, then, have a good night."

"'Night."

Emily watched him disappear up the stairs, she didn't know why, but the memory of his burning gaze before he kissed her came back then, his intense determination as he held her closer... That moment Emily had found herself unable to move away, to say no. She wished she had his courage to just do stuff even when he was intimidated by them, she needed that kind of bravery tonight.

Lily Evans entered the tower two minutes later, Emily stood up abruptly and the redhead came to a halt.

For a moment none of them spoke, then Lily's face showed tons of fatigue.

"What now? Is it your turn to call me a stuck-up bore because I didn't agree to go out with Potter?"

Emily shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Can we talk?" She asked shyly. "I promise it's not a trick... I'm sorry."

Emily's behaviour towards her was usually hostile, tonight her voice was gentle, and even a little afraid.

"You're sorry?"

"I don't expect you to believe me," Emily continued, lowering her gaze. "I know you and Snape were close — I don't understand how can you like him... listen I suck at apologies, can't you just say it's alright so we can go to bed?"

Lily crossed her arms, standing straighter.

"No, I think I want you to try harder."

Emily groaned, she sat down heavily and started to think her words carefully, Lily inched closer.

"Boys can be cruel when they're not thinking — Anyone, really... I've been brutal myself — Matthew and I almost stopped being friends a few months ago, because I don't like talking about my feelings," She laughed dryly. "I don't know what is it about today that it just... I don't want to be a tormentor my whole life, let alone to someone who is... tolerable. I'm sorry for making your life a living hell these past few years."

Lily sat down, although she kept the seat between them empty to keep some distance.

"You didn't make my life a living hell," She replied. "I... can admit you're a bit clever... even likeable — that last match when you threw Lewis a bludger after he called you a midget... it was kind of funny."

"The boys walked me everywhere that week, they thought Ernest was going to try and get back at me," Emily bit her lip, but she was now smiling. "I mean, I lived in fear for days! Thinking he would spike my drink at some point with poison or something... Until Matthew cornered him outside D.A.D.A. class one day, poor Lewis... he looked so small in comparison..."

"Anyone looks small next to Matthew, he's a giant," Lily grinned. "Well, if it's any consolation, I was planning on murdering you in a much classier manner than poison, but since you've apologized, I guess I won't have to kill you after all."

Emily snorted, her eyes lingered on Lily, who looked like she'd been crying for most of the day, and yet still had enough energy to sit down and talk with the girl she'd detested for the last four years.

"Why are you being nice?" She asked in annoyance. "I mean I'm glad you're kind of accepting my apology, but I thought you'd be a bit colder, walking away before I could even finish..."

"What kind of person do you think I am?" Lily raised a brow, with the orange light coming from the fireplace her green eyes looked far more intense than usual. "If I'm honest, you should thank Remus... he's tried to convince me that you lot are far better than you look..."

Emily sighed, when she was young she'd do mischief for fun, but now that she was older, and considering all the weird stuff that was happening outside the school, she was starting to think that maybe her group of friends were indeed changing for the best.

"I'm going to be honest with you too, Evans," The girl took a deep breath. "Being the only girl in my friend group is turning out to be pure torture. I'm in desperate need of a girlfriend."

Lily's mouth twitched a bit, but she didn't laugh.

"What makes you think I want to be your friend?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to," She raised a brow. "But maybe if we're on good terms I'd be able to ask you for a tampon without having to swallow my pride first."

Lily did laugh at this, she shook her head. "Holy Merlin, Sultens, you're loopy."

"You would be too if you were seated next to Sirius every day!" She paused. "So... are you willing to make peace?"

Lily examined her carefully, four long years of quarrels sat between them, but a lifetime of friendship could be ahead if Emily was truly sorry. She was a nice girl, and really smart too, she was annoying only when she was taunting Severus, and he was no longer her friend.

Lily stretched out her hand.

"Very well, but if you go back the deal is over and we'll be less than strangers, understood?"

"Sure."

She retreated her hand before Emily could grab it.

"Hang on — this is not Potter's idea, right? You're not trying to be my friend just so I date him later?"

"Lily, if anything I hope you and James never date," Emily snickered. "Nothing personal, you're just way too good for him."

"...Alright."

They shook hands, she'd meant what she said about it not being personal. James was a boy, a very silly one at that, and even though they were really close friends, Emily was no longer a blind supporter of his doings.

Funnily enough, this seemed to be related to Matthew, she couldn't stop thinking about that kiss! Merlin, he was a good kisser...

She shook the thought away, now was not the time for nonsense.

"I'm very honoured to be your acquaintance, Evans," Emily grinned.

"Call me Lily. Only Professors call me Evans... and Potter, but you know I hate that."

"Got it, Lils."

July 1996

"...I don't think this is right," Mel tilted her head. "Brownies are mean to be brown... not pitch-black."

"You burned them," Harry was standing behind them with his arms crossed, clearly upset.

"How could you burn them, Erick? They were in there for five minutes!"

"Are you sure..." Erick stabbed the mixture with a knife and made a face. "Ugh — they're still liquid in the middle!"

"How the fuck did you do this?"

"I thought it would work just the same if I doubled the heat and put less time," Erick sulked. "Ovens are weird."

"This is why we told you to stay out of it," Harry replied. "You don't know how muggle stuff work."

"I do know!"

"Then why did you burn the brownies?"

"Don't fight," Mel intervened, grabbing the platter and throwing its contents away. "Oh well, at least we ruined my birthday cake and not someone else's..."

"That's not okay," Harry frowned. "You should have a proper cake."

Mel looked at him and grinned. "I'll eat yours, then."

"How's everything going in here?" Emily walked in, behind her Lupin followed.

"Uncle Lu!" Mel rushed over to his side and hugged him, the man chuckled. "You came!"

"Well, hadn't been around for your birthday in a long time, I thought you'd like it," He said, lovingly patting her back.

"I do," She beamed. "We kind of ruined the cake, though, so we should buy doughnuts or something."

"It's a good thing I brought this, then," Lupin lifted his bag and placed it on the table, inside there was a beautifully adorned red velvet cake.

"You just saved my birthday!"

Harry and Erick shared a moody expression and grumbled complaints, Lupin laughed.

"The kids insisted on doing the cakes this year," Emily explained. "I told them it was not an easy job, but they insisted."

"Mel and I have done this before, Erick was the one who wanted to be in charge when he can't even make tea without magic," Harry glared at him.

"Muggles stuff are too complicated, alright?" He huffed.

"I don't mind," Mel said without paying attention to them, she was still beyond happy with her uncle's presence. "I wanted to give my mum a break, Leggie's been a bit hard to handle lately..."

"Is he?" Lupin looked at the little boy Emily was holding. "Is he ill?"

"No, he just cries a lot," The woman sighed. "Wakes us up every night."

"I thought that forcing my mother to bake when she's clearly too tired to be doing anything apart from feeding a baby was a crime," Mel stated. "So I took care of it."

"Then Flint messed it up," Harry taunted.

"And then you fixed it, Uncle Moony," The girl smiled. "So there's no harm done, right boys?"

She looked over her shoulder, raising a brow as if urging them to stop bickering before they embarrassed her in front of Lupin. Both mumbled their agreement, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Lovely," Mel looked back at the adults. "Who wants lunch?"

Mel and Erick were in the kitchen talking in hurried whispers, she appeared to be upset, the young man too. Emily and Remus were in the drawing-room, Harry was upstairs changing Reg's diaper.

"Do you know why they're arguing?" Remus asked, staring at the pair.

"Dumbledore came by this morning before breakfast," Emily sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. "Talked about this mission he had for Erick — you know how eager to help that boy is... so of course the old man came and put his offer on a silver platter, and Mel won't let Erick go on his own, so being the generous soul Dumbledore is," She said sarcastically, "He said she could go too if she wanted to."

"Really?" Remus frowned. "Well... he's been giving her lessons for years, Mily, perhaps he knows she can handle it."

"I don't care," She said bluntly. "That's my daughter, my daughter. Matt's daughter. How can he continue to risk my family's life like it's nothing?"

"You know Matthew did all he that because he wanted to, Dumbledore had nothing to do with his decisions."

"I know," Emily took a deep breath. "But he's got a lot to do with Mel's... she idolizes him."

"You think so?" The man looked over his shoulder again, staring at his goddaughter.

"I don't see why else she'd be so keen to follow his orders..."

"Maybe because she feels guilty?" Remus offered. "After what happened in the ministry..."

Emily pressed her lips together, she didn't want to talk about that.

"That's not her fault and she knows it. I told her it wasn't."

"You weren't there," He said gravely. "She went out of control. I had never seen anything like it, her magic was dark— I mean that literally. All the spells she did came out pitch-black. Dumbledore was the only one who could put a stop to it."

Emily's eyes grew worried, she looked over her shoulder as well and her gaze landed on Mel.

"You think it could be the same thing that Ariana Dumbledore had? That disease?"

"No one knows what happened to her," Remus said. "Not even Matthew knew, and he was part of the family... but it could be. Maybe Dumbledore knows something we don't, maybe this will help her... perhaps she needs this."

Emily stayed silent for a moment, then she groaned.

"I hate that we're always meant to trust him blindly."

"He's lived a hundred years, he might be wiser than all of us, don't you think?"

The woman scoffed, she looked ahead, deep in thought.

"A hundred years... Matthew couldn't even make it to twenty-one! James and Lily barely did... Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban — But at least we all knew how the war looked like then, Remus. We fought for years... my daughter just turned sixteen, she still goes to school!"

"And yet she's already done her fair amount of fighting," The man raised a brow. "We didn't have the experiences she's gone through when we were her age. I stand with Dumbledore, she can do this."

"I'm not saying she can't," Emily grabbed the empty plates to take them to the kitchen. "I'm saying she shouldn't have to sacrifice her youth. Dumbledore asks for too much, I'm sure he's got someone else that could help him with the mission, but he's obsessed with making Mel his perfect copy."

Remus didn't try to argue back, little could convince Emily at this point, she'd never been a fan of Dumbledore, and after Matt's death it was no secret that she openly disliked him, but she still followed his orders, because she knew Dumbledore was the only chance they had to win this war.

Mel and Erick entered the room, neither of them angry, which made Remus think they had reached an agreement.

"I should leave," The man stood up. "Leon's been quiet, maybe Harry managed to make him sleep."

"Or maybe he's just playing with him," Emily stood up as well. "Really, I never thought Harry would get so attached to a baby..."

"I'll miss you, Uncle Lu, I hope to see you soon," Mel said, her eyes avoiding to look into Erick's direction.

"Me too, little Em," Remus hugged her tightly, he whispered in her ear. "Be good to your mother, alright?"

Mel looked at him with confusion, but she nodded anyway.

"So?" Emily crossed her arms. "What are you going to do?"

The young witch stared at her mother, Remus knew that expression. It was true and very strange, how she could have her dad's gaze even though her eyes were exactly like her mother's, but he knew that look, he'd seen it in Matt the last time they had spoken. Mel was done being a kid.

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