#FOR THE FIRST TIME I AM EXPERIENCING FULLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN A DEAR FAVORITE SHOW OF MINE ENDS

[potatounicoorn]

My heart is dead, my eyes are sucked dry, The owl house ended, what will I do now?

#the owl house #Watching and dreaming #I STARTED TO USE TUMBLR BECAUSE OF OWL HOUSE #THE OWL HOUSE IS MY ROOTS TO THIS HELLSITE #ITS A FIRST SERIES I HAVE EVER WATCHED WHEN ITS HAPPENING AND ITS MY FAVORITE #FOR THE FIRST TIME I AM EXPERIENCING FULLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN A DEAR FAVORITE SHOW OF MINE ENDS #I am crying #I cant stop crying #Such a beautiful end

[angelltheninth]

Instincts of a Calm Mind

Pairing: Zhongli x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, cnc, rough sex, name-calling, creampie, primal kink, check-ins, Zhongli has horns and a tail, feral Zhongli

Word count: 0.9k

Kinktober Day 14: CNC

A/N: Time for daddy Zhongli smut! Never enough of him! Never ever! If my whole kinktober list was just him I wouldn't complain.

You could tell for a while now that Zhongli was holding back on you. Yes the sex did always leave you feeling boneless from the multiple orgasms you experienced one after the other but he was the one always on edge, always keeping himself in check, even when you asked him not to.

When you suggested that he let go fully, that he lets his instincts take control so he could take you any way he wished you weren't ready for what that entailed. You weren't ready for the way he took you.

"H-Hold on Zhongli." You pressed yourself against the wall, watching as Zhongli stalked towards you, his eyes glowing gold, his horns high above his head, his sharp fangs and claws on full display as brown scales made their way up his arm and his tail swishing excitedly behind him, tapping on the floor. "I think we should slow down a little. You're scaring me."

"Scaring you?" He tilted his head, the corner of his mouth pulling into a smile, "My dear I would never. You told me remember. You told me that I could have you. So what's the issue. Stop struggling won't you?" In an instant he was in front of you, taking your wrists and pinning them above your head, "You want this don't you? You're dripping all over the floor already."

You gasped and moved further into the wall as you felt his clawed finger on your clit. The more you squirmed the more his nails dug into your wrist, leaving deep claw marks on them. The way he looked at you now, like you're his greatest treasure, like he wanted to both preserve and ruin you, it made you feel more wanted than ever before.

"Is this still alright?" He nicked your ear with his fangs, warm breath, almost like being close to a fireplace heating you up further.

"Stop." Go. "No." Yes. "Don't." Please do. You looked up and pleaded, making sure not to say the one, the only word that would make him stop. You didn't want him to stop, not now, no way. "I don't want it." You wanted it desperately.

"Don't you? My beautiful darling, but just look a how wet your cunt is for me. Perhaps something other than my pretty words will convince you." He parted your legs with his thigh, lifting and pushing one closer to the wall for easier access, "Look at it dripping all over my cock. I had no idea what a perverted whore you were, getting off on being taken like this. Now that I know, I might have you like this all the time."

You bit your lower lip in anticipation, your need building while he kept teasing and teasing. "You... I... you can't." Your voice trembled but not with fear.

"I can do what I want with you. Do you think you have any worth other then being a hole to keep my dick warm? I let you get way too comfortable around me. You should know your place. And it's, and it will always be, on my cock." He growled as he thrust his entire length inside you in one go, almost splitting you open. "Not even a little resistance." He licked a path up your neck, leaving your skin covered in goosebumps.

It hurt at first, the way he wildly buried himself inside you. The almost feral look in his eyes, the way his fangs shone in the dim light, this was everything he was holding back before. And now he was giving it all to you.

His lips closed around your neck, his tail winding around your hips, adding in keeping you pinned against the wall. "Oh I want to hear it. Say you're mine. Say 'please fuck me like a slut that I am' say it for me. Or I stop."

You clenched your teeth and balled your fists hard as the pleasure kept building inside you with every rocking of his hips against yours, with every lewd, wet sound that came from your dripping hole as he took it as his. "Pl-Please fuck me like a slut that-that I am."

His teeth broke your skin the moment you completed the sentence, renewing your mating mark. For a moment his grip faltered, allowing you to get one hand free and hook it under his arm and up into his hair, tugging him in for a kiss. Like the rest, it was intense and rough, almost so rough it made your lips bleed.

He didn't seem to mind that you got one hand free, not when he still held you up by one, now intertwining his fingers with yours. His tail, which was now completely encircling your waist tapped on your clit with the tip. It made you fucking lose it. You couldn't hold it together anymore, your body shook from the sheer force of your orgasm, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, your body felt like it was on fire as Zhongli whispered words that you couldn't even make out.

"You're amazing darling. Keep it up. It's alright, I'm right here to catch you when you fall. So fall deeper, drown yourself in pleasure." He fell not long after, his body going sill against yours while his cock went rigid and painted you with his hot, thick cum. It dripped down your leg already and he was still going, still inside of you, with no intention of pulling out any time soon. "I'll always be here to catch you." You felt him gently kiss your cheek and hug you against him before your mind went black, only aware of Zhongli's warmth, his love, his cock, and his cum further heating you up from the inside.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #zhongli x reader #zhongli smut #zhongli x female reader #zhongli imagines #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #rex lapis x reader #kinktober

[hybbart]

*Discreetly slides this fan letter into your mailbox* 

From: Anonymous Fan, 

Address: Ask Box, Tumblr, somewhere on Planet Earth

To: Hybbart

Address: Hybbart's Blog, Tumblr, somewhere on Planet Earth

Date: Today, 

Dear Hybbart,

Hi! I'm just a little anon writing to say thank you so much for your amazing Ranchers Apocalypse AU. I've binged it several times and I plan on doing it again and again. It's given me so much hope for life. I have never experienced anything like it before. Your art is incredible and I could stare at it all day. 

I don't comment on things often, I'm usually one of the silent spectators but I really felt like I needed to give you a thank you.

 I have hated and avoided apocalypse stories because they always felt so hopeless and scary to me but yours is the first I've seen that's not hopeless. Thank you so much for the new perspective of an apocalypse story. Now I love them. If an actual apocalypse happened I hope I am one of the ones, like the Ranchers, that don't give up and keep pressing on even in the hard and seemingly dark times. Not only to just survive but to thrive. To keep holding on to hope for a better tomorrow. Rain or shine, bring it on. It's almost like the Ranchers are giving life a middle finger lol. Like, Gosh dang it life, you want us dead, oh heck no we will live and not only will we live but to really add insult to injury we are choosing to thrive.

I love how the story is almost like Polaroid photos with little notes at the bottom of each; it feels a bit like a scrapbook documenting important moments in the story which is cool. It's so unique and it's nothing like I've ever seen before. It's incredible.

My goodness, the way that you draw characters so expressive and dynamic with their poses and the amount of details in the background. It's absolutely captivating. I love studying and admiring each picture.

Your art and stories are inspiring and healing. I fully believe that people's worlds will be flipped on their heads for the better when they experience the stories and art that you create. You flipped my world. Please don't stop creating. The world needs what you have to give. 

Once more thank you for the incredible story, I can't imagine how much time you spent on it. The love you have for the AU really shines through your work. You are an inspiration. 

I look forward to what comes next in the RAAU, rain or shine, bring it on.

Sincerely,

- Anonymous Fan <3 <3 <3

P.S Also a song rec that I think is really neat and hope you think is neat too: 

Owl City's Bird with a Broken Wing.

It makes me think of Jimmy after the apocalypse started but before Tango found him. 

P.P.S if you are reading this, thanks so much for reading this long letter. Lol.

Thank you very much! I think you might enjoy two series, called yokohama shopping log and Zom 100: bucketlist of the dead. Yokohama shopping log is a very lovely slice of life healing series about the twilight of the world and the people who've accepted it and decided to live the best they can, including robots. Zom 100 is about a man so beaten down by modern work culture the apocalypse sets him free and gives him and everyone around him the opportunity to be human and enjoy life again. They're both series about human compassion and small joys in the end times, and big influences on raau.

And that reminds me! I've been work on raau for over a full year now! It's crazy to me, I hope to work on it again soon.

#raau ask

[letters-from-dekarios]

(I really love this idea!! I hope you'd allow me to indulge in sending my ask as my storm sorc/tempest cleric tav who gained a bit of a crush on our favorite wizard after the Weave scene!!)

To Gale,

Firstly, I am not avoiding you. It is a pure coincidence that we so happen to miss each other quite often lately, and that is why I am sending this letter. I am definitely not embarrassed by our connection in the Weave and what you could have felt from it.

Now that that matter has been dealt with, I would love to hear about your experiences growing up learning about the arcane arts. After spending that night with you, I am ashamed to admit I have never felt that same amount of fondness, passion, and understanding you have for the Weave. While I 'know' that what's flowing through my veins is raw, powerful magic, I have never really taken the time to 'understand' it - like how one can be aware of being alive, but not how to properly live. I hope that makes sense.

I would love to hear more about your thoughts and experiences with the Weave, and with your permission, I hope to learn more about the Weave from you. Perhaps by learning and understanding you and your magic, I can understand and better appreciate myself and the power I have been blessed with my whole life.

Your loyal companion,

Thalia

Dearest Thalia,

Please know it is with utmost respect that I feel honored my guidance in your manipulation of the Weave would make you feel such a way. It’s not every day that one captures the feeling the Weave brings like you did. I’m privileged that you felt so comfortable with me as to share that.

And, do know, that I take no offense to your taking time to yourself. My first interaction with the Weave and its magic, as you know, was when I was a mere child. Even then, the feeling had me almost bashful! The warmth felt within Mystra’s embrace is quite the overwhelming spirit. You have no need to apologize.

As aforementioned, my beginnings with the Weave were… complicated. I began to sense the magic as a young child, and by the time I was eight, I was beginning to practice fully-fledged spells. You may recall having mentioned a man named Elminster, both a dear friend and my mentor. Given that Mystra had a brief respite from the mortal world, it was he who guided me through the Weave, with the help of Mystra’s remnants in the magic world, and taught me much of what I know now.

I took to the teachings rather quickly. One might say I was a prodigy, and I think it’s quite a fitting title. At just ten, I had conjured my very own Tressym! Tara, my beloved feline friend, was one of my first complete conjurings who managed to stay longer than a few moments. Perhaps it was out of pure spite for my mother not allowing me to adopt a kitten, I shall never know why Tara stuck around with me.

Amidst it all, the overall feeling was one of overwhelming power. I did not start with the understanding I have of it now. I’ll be the first to admit my beginnings with the Weave were awkward. I, more than once, destroyed my mother’s fine items and was made to repair them. It was chaotic— a surge of all sorts of emotions each time I used the magic bestowed upon me. It was as if, with just a flick of the wrist or a word spoken just right, I could destroy everything around me.

It took time and quite a bit of effort to grasp the Weave by its reins and tame it to my liking. This is what drew Mystra to selecting me as one of her chosen as she grew to restoring her full power.

With growing older, entangling my soul with the magic I possessed became easier and easier. Soon enough, I needed no teacher at all. The conceptualization of the Weave and its intertwining in all magic takes getting used to. I would be more than happy to elaborate on other spells with you if you’d let me.

It’s hard to put into words how the Weave makes a person feel. You experienced it, what it’s like within the moment, trying to describe that without the visualization or the emotion behind it can become confusing. Especially for those who have not or have rarely touched the Weave.

Please, visit with me whenever you would like. I would be more than delighted to guide you as best as I can in mastering the concepts of your magic that I do understand.

From the desk of,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

p.s. it took me a solid hour trying to find information on gale and mystra and the timeline with elminster (and what his relationship with elminster really was like). at some point i said ‘screw it, i’m interpreting this how i like’ so while i try to be accurate, as best i can, im just doing what my little head tells me to ~ kore

#baldur's gate 3 #fanfiction #for you #for you page #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #gale fanfic #letters #writing #gale fluff #bg3 gale #baldurs gate gale #answered asks #ask response #asks #send asks #anon answered #send anons #anon ask #bg3 fanfiction #baldurs gate 3

[kxowledge]

I thought I’d be more anxious about the whole PhD applications process. I am not. I am actually very much fine with the prospect of not getting in. Partially, it’s because I have only applied here, which means that, if rejected, I still can apply to many other places & equally that I haven’t gotten a string of rejections, which perhaps would have tugged at my self-esteem. Partially though, it’s because I’m fine with the idea of not doing a PhD.

It's not because I don’t want to do one – I think this sort of career would suit me very well! – but at the end of the day, it’s a job like any other. I’ve always known that I could have gone for something else and be okay, but now this doesn’t feel like a second choice imposed upon me. If academia isn’t for me, I can perhaps think of doing something else that’s completely different – something that could help with the lack of meaning I feel at the moment. I don’t have clear plans, I’ll decide when it comes to it, but there’s many opportunities I’d consider. There’s three-four I keep circling back to, around agroecology, teaching, and more directly helping others. I would still apply next year (and possibly another cycle as well) before giving up, but I wouldn’t be too upset if it doesn’t work out.

I have the second and final interview next week. And I’m very calm about it. Confident in my abilities and confident that I’ll be happy no matter what awaits me in the future.

I did a tarot reading two days before my first interview. Three cards popped out. The Tower – representing a surprising change – is very fitting. It’s an invitation to embrace it and look at it in a positive light, which I think is the attitude I have going forwards, no matter what this change will entail. Looking at the card, I also thought of “bad” habits I’m trying to get rid of. It also indicates a revelation, and I must say, I am going through a period of realization, understanding more and more what’s important to me: human connection. This means love and helping others and so much more. The Eigth of Cups signals a similar direction: the seeking of a deeper meaning, focusing on my personal truth and concentrating on what is important. It also speaks about growing weary and lacking energy, which is very much the condition I find myself in. Not emotionally, but physically. Allow me a small parenthesis about this.

It has been almost a year since I started feeling this way. ["This way" being fatigued, often with a low-grade fever, stomach pain, exhaustion after very little activity, frequent headaches, little appetite, nausea]. I thought what I was experiencing was burnout. August is when things got worse – surely triggered by the bacterial infection I got in India. I thought I had started making progress towards the end of 2023, but then I got Covid (again) and it all went downhill. It is entirely possible that this is long Covid. It could be something else. It could be nothing.  I haven’t seen a doctor about this. I mentioned it in my last visit and it got dismissed. I will go in the next few weeks for another visit, as I promised my dear ones. I don’t have much faith however in the doctors’ ability to do something. Especially if it is long Covid, there really aren’t recommendations and treatments in place (though research is underway).

I haven’t been fully transparent with my family about the extent of how fatigued and sick I am, though they know I’m not in top shape. My boyfriend on the other hand is similarly worried (but hasn’t gone down the spiral of googling what specific types of illness it can be). I am too. It feels like something serious. And it’s so much pain that the other day I actually thought that I don’t think it would be worth living like this. I hadn’t had this sort of thoughts for a long time. I’ve been trying to manage my energy more and I might share bits of this journey here, as perhaps they might be helpful for someone else too.

Finally, the Emperor. Structure, which is what I need for growth. An order and sound principles. The way forward.

#p

[evvlevie]

Hi I'm pretty good at manifesting things that seem small and insignificant, but I can't do anything beyond that. Stable amount of money, relationships, I can succesfuly do revision of things that happend durning the day etcetc this all feel so easy and efortless on the one hand I'm working from the imagination on the second hand I feel like I'm trapped in the endless cycles of duties School is draining, even though I'm making it easier for myself, but it is not what I want I just want to shift to my dr and I'm changing the inner states, I'm imagining from the perspective of my dr self, I fulfill the inner man if it's needed but when I'm in school I'm flooded by the things I don't really care about, but even though I don't care I still feel like I need to do my home work, prepare for final exams, write and do my art diploma....

and I just don't know how to truly get away from all those meaningless things this all is distracting me from the inner world I am imagining different place for myself, and then, when I wake up I feel like I am becoming the desired reality self then it just takes one trip to school to just make me question if I can really shift realities during the summer I was able to keep really good state of mind for a longer time, but it didn't take me far I realized today that I'm just a little bit stuck in that part and I just need some help with it, or maybe general idea of what direction of thinking should I take to improve myself (also I'm sorry if this ask feels messy, this whole situation is not-yet fully organised in my mind hah, and eng is not my first language so it is not helping ig) -Anon ♠️🐍

Hi my dear Anon ❤️

I know this answer is coming really late, and I genuinely hope things have improved for you, and if not I hope my "advice" comes in handy:

I know exactly what you have been going through. I tried to manifest my SP while he had a third party involved and I was seeing him and my unpleasant 3D situation daily. I can imagine that this draining life that you are experiencing is what being confronted by your opposing 3D circumstances means in your case (or in any case where shifters wake up in their CR really)

One thing that I can tell you in order to maybe change your perspective and adapt your feelings towards the 3D is this:

You know about shifting, you want to shift, so there is an invisible 100%-guarantee label on your forehead that reads "will shift!!!!!"

The thing you are going through right now is just your bridge of incidences that takes to the place where you have shifted. I can tell you that the more I started learning about LOA the more complicated shifting got for me, because I was able to overthink every single little step I was doing, and I seriously need you to stop doing that. Shifting isn't hard. It's seriously just wanting to shift and it happening. Nothing more and nothing less. That's why people keep saying that you only need the intention to shift. There are people that shifted with their eyes open and in a matter of seconds. These people were not better or worse at this than you, or less destined for it or whatever. Every single success story that I have ever read, started with something like "I finally shifted once I just didn't give a fuck and just let it happen". I am so serious when I say that you just need to embody the confidence of a person that is shifting left and right, in order to have that energy manifest into you shifting left and right. This, this confidence is the only thing separating any "aspiring" shifter from a shifter that is shifting 30 times a day.

I have read stories of people who didn't even know what shifting is, who lived an entire life in another universe, woke up and thought they dreamed something hugely realistic. In fact this happened to my own friend once, and this girl doesn't even believe in shifting.

This is what I mean when I say that it's so easy, people are able to do it accidentally.

Sadly many shifters and loa-manifestos love to overcomplicate shifting and manifestation. Both of these concept are basically: wanting something to happen, and trusting that it will, regardless of what is physically in front of you. Sometimes we have to keep holding onto our trust harder than other times, but that doesn't change that the principle will always be the same. And to top it all off it is a really simple one.

At the end of the day I just want you to assume that you are doing everything correctly and exactly in the way that you have to, in order to get to where you want to be the fastest way possible for you (because that is actually true, this is your bridge of incidences in this case).

I love u,

Evie <3 💘

[scarletwritesshit]

Kaveh x Reader ✦ Oh my God! Roommates! ✦ IX: Sumeru Rose

You waited anxiously for Kaveh to fully process the situation and fling himself as far away from you as possible. Minutes felt like hours as you braced yourself for an outburst of panic, but it ultimately never came.

Did he fall back asleep? you wondered.

"Kaveh?" you whispered.

"Mmmph...oh, it is you," he sleepily muttered.

Regardless of how the conversation develops, there is no turning back now.

"What are you doing up this late?"

"I uhh...I dunno. Probably something important..."

"What could possibly be so important that you suddenly felt the need to address it this late?"

You weren’t exactly awake yourself. You had perhaps a better perception of what was happening around you than Kaveh did, but other than that, you would be in danger of going back to sleep if you shut your eyes for longer than a minute.

"Uh...oh right, I recall what I was saying. About what I wanted to talk to you about."

Was he finally losing his grip on the big secret that was what has been bothering him for so long? Given the current time and your sleepy state of mind, it wasn’t exactly the best moment to discuss it, as you would be unable to properly assist him. If he was willing to finally speak up after all of this time, you could not allow for this opportunity to slip by.

"Which would be?"

"...You."

"Me?"

Did I hear him right? Am I the root of his problem?

"Yes you...my dear."

You were still somewhat out of it, so the second part of his statement didn’t completely register in your mind. Kaveh admitting that you were apparently preoccupying his thoughts was all that you cared to acknowledge. He pulled you in a little closer, whether or not that was on purpose, you couldn’t tell.

"You’ve been on my mind ever since the first day we met...from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I had a reason to keep pursing my craft..."

He was talking about you, right? He wasn’t confusing you for another entity in his dreams...right?

He did mutter your name when he woke you up...or so you’re pretty sure he did.

"Who are you talking about?" you said quietly. You wanted to gently shake him to force him awake, but at the same time, leave him in a daze to allow him to finish his thoughts.

"Who else could I be referring to...but you?"

It still seemed too good to be true. Instead of potentially annoying him into silencing himself, you dared not say a word and allowed him to finish.

"As time went on, I found myself being weighed down by my feelings....it may be easy for me to understand them...but understanding is not the same as experiencing...."

Kaveh trailed off with a rather large yawn. It seems as if he was finally starting to come to, and perhaps now, he would understand the scope of what he was saying. But no, he kept talking without a single care for what “secrets” of his that he may bestow upon you.

"I don’t know how to put this in words…but...yes. You are the root of my problems...my feelings. I like you..."

"I-I like you too," you responded without thinking.

Now the opportunity to backtrack out of an awkward situation has truly been lost now.

"Heh, that is most excellent..." he said, now holding you even tighter. He didn’t say anything further, so you assumed that he drifted back to sleep. Rather than overwhelm him with a thousand thoughts regarding his sudden confession, you allowed yourself to sink into his arms and drift off into a deep sleep.

You felt far too comfortable to move, but something echoing in your mind enticed you to open your eyes. For once, you felt well rested and recharged. It was the best that you have felt in a long while, actually.

In fact, you felt almost too rested.

The light filtering into the room was bright, as you would expect to see after oversleeping. After your eyes adjusted, you were greeted by a red faced Kaveh, with his eyes looking as if he had seen Greater Lord Rukkhadevata rise from the ashes before him. Both you and Kaveh blinked at each other in complete silence.

Should I say something? From the look of his face right now, last night’s impulsive confession wasn’t entirely intentional.

"Was that a dream?" he asked quietly. "Please say that it was just a dream."

"Was what a dream?"

"So it was?" he asked, seeming to be temporarily relieved.

It was all starting to come back to you. Waking up in the middle of the night to Kaveh muttering your name, only for him to suddenly drop a full confession of feelings out of nowhere. If you accepted his words, then that must mean...

"Are we even on the same page here?" you asked.

"Did I perhaps say something to you last night?"

"Well, you might’ve."

"Was it about... you? And how I..."

"How you like me?"

"Oh…so it wasn’t. My sincere apologizes, I was hoping to one day tell you in a more refined manner."

Kaveh appeared humiliated at his accidental confession. He pulled a blanket up over his face to hide his ever-growing embarrassment. At least you’ve managed to confirm that he likes you back, but not without a painfully awkward encounter.

You pulled the blanket down his body to uncover his face. Upon doing this, he quickly covered his face back up with his hands.

"I didn’t say that I rejected you, now did I?" you said. "In fact, I am quite happy that you told me, one way or another."

"Really?" he asked, moving his hands away his face, eyes now full of surprise.

"Really. I’ve grown to care for you more than anyone that I have ever met. I love you, Kaveh."

If it was previously impossible to outplay him at the game of human emotions, then you’ve managed to conquer an unstoppable force. Kaveh was at a complete and utter loss for words, as if he was convinced that his ears were playing a cruel prank on him. The extended period of time that he remained silent was a bit worrying, but it was cute finally seeing the smooth talker shut down on the spot.

"I...love you too. Anyways uh, want to go back to sleep?"

"What about Alhaitham? It’s long past the time that he would normally be expecting us."

"Eh. Forget about that guy. If he pesters you, then I’ll give it right back to him.

Now that’s the kind of disregard for Alhaitham that you wanted to hear.

He pulled you close to his body and you rested your head against his chest. Within minutes, both you and Kaveh were sound asleep once again, despite the blazing sunlight intruding in on your private time from outside.

#genshin impact fluff #genshin impact #genshin impact kaveh #fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #kaveh x reader

[overobsessivewhumper]

Whumpcember 2023: Day 4: Hidden Injury

@whumpcember

Content warning: Blood

Read on Ao3

It isn't hard for Halsin to see that something is wrong when Astarion returns from hunting seeming off.

Getting Astarion to accept his help however, is a completely different kind of challenge.

Early mornings have always been one of Halsins favourite times. As an elf, he required a lot less rest than people of other races, so it's a given that he's experienced many in his years.

It's peaceful, being up at these times. The world has a stillness to it, whilst there is still creatures up and about all around. Nowadays, Halsin usually spends his mornings lost in thought whilst whittling, or in the company of other elves at the grove.

Since joining the small band of adventurers a few days ago, he's spent the time in solitude. All but one of them need a full night of sleep, and Astarion had seemed happy to not let their morning routines cross all too much so far. The vampire would usually head out to hunt, then return to his tent and stay there, exchanging no more than a few, usually flirty, words with Halsin.

And it had been like that that morning too. As Astarion had stalked off into the surrounding woods, Halsin had wished him a good hunt and gotten a curt thanks in return. The charm the vampire often laid on was thicker than winter fur, and present even in such moments. His words had an insincerity to them, but Halsin felt no need to bother the man further. Halsin would greatly favour getting along with the whole group, but that is hardly something he can force.

When Astarion comes back, something is off. Nothing is different on first glance, but Halsin can't shake the feeling of unease.

There's an ever so slight shift in the way Astarion walks, a tension to his movement that wasn't there before.

Even so, Halsin didn't immediately follow Astarion. He considers whether his interference would even be welcomed, decides that it most likely would not.

So he turns back to his carving. He hasn't decided what he's making just yet, merely tidying up the piece of wood to get a better idea of what he wanted to make out of it.

If nothing inspired him, he'd just make another duck.

And that's how the morning would have passes, same as any other despite the slight oddity of Astarions return, were it not for the silence of this particular day. If it hadn't been so silent, Halsin wouldn't have caught the noise coming from Astarions tent. Halsin barely hears it, a mix between a grunt and a hiss. He couldn't even me sure that he hadn't imagined it.

But it sticks out in the peaceful shadow of the early morning like a thorn. The unease he felt earlier returns. Something is most definitively wrong, Halsin thinks.

After putting his carving project aside, he makes his way to Astarions tent, moving quietly as not to wake those that need sleep.

There, he lingers for a moment before calling out softly, “Is everything alright in there?” What follows is more noise, mainly stuff being moved about hastily, until finally, Astarion sticks his head out from behind the piece of fabric acting as a door.

“Everything's fine.” He hisses, sounding out of breath. His expression is pinched, every muscle in his face taut. Annoyance, maybe even disgust, seems what he's trying to convey, but the faint tinge of pain isn't fully masked.

On top of that, there's an unmistakable smell of blood radiation off of him. Whilst he is a vampire, Astarion hardly makes it a habit to let enough of the blood he consumes spill as to leave him smelling obviously of blood. No, Halsin thinks it way more likely that the blood in question is Astarions own.

“I don't think that's true.” Halsin says, and Astarions eyebrows draw together in true annoyance this time. “I can smell the blood.” Astarion scoffs.

“If you've forgotten, dear druid, I am a vampire. I just so happen to feed on blood, and, if you care to think back to a few minuets ago, I did just come back from successfully finding myself a meal.” Astarion counters, now almost entirely outside of the tent, moving adamantly along with his words. “You can quit bothering me and go back to your tree hugging or what ever it is you druids do in your free time.” He waves his hand in Halsins direction dismissively.

But Halsin isn't blind. He can tell Astarion is clearly positioning himself as to hide his right side from him ever so slightly. A slight tilt of Halsins head betrays why.

The shirt is torn and blood soaked all along the right side of Astarions abdomen, poorly concealed by the way Astarion holds his arm and the way he stands. The vampire was probably banking on Halsin leaving before he got a better look at him. Halsin sighs.

“You're doing a bad job at concealing the truth, Astarion.” A scowl finds its home among Astarions pretty features, and he quickly turns and disappeared back into his tent.

“Astarion.” Halsin tries. No response. “There is nothing to be gained from rejecting help Astarion.” Astarion ignores him once more.

It isn't hard to see that Astarion has a whole variety of issues regarding his past. Halsin isn't nearly familiar enough with the other elf to pry into these. Regardless, he has a feeling they play a hand in why Astarion is being so difficult about accepting aid.

“I may not be able to help with your tadpole problem, but I'm still quite adept at healing.” Halsin tries once more. He's beginning to feel he won't be getting any response from Astarion at all any more.

But, just as Halsin is about to try convincing Astarion at least one more time, there's movement in the tent and Astarion answers.

“A night of rest will deal with the worst of it. What's left will be healed throughout the day one way or another.” Annoyance laces his words, but it doesn't match the look that was on his face before he stormed back into his tent.

“Astarion, I can help. Please let me.” There's silence again for a moment. Perhaps Astarion has decided that ignoring Halsin was the better option after all, he thinks.

Astarion speaks again before Halsin can further consider his options.

“Will you stop bothering me if I let you?” He sounds almost tired, of Halsin or the situation, Halsin did not know.

“Of course.” Halsin responds, trying to keep the smile on his face from showing up in his voice. “I will be right back.” With that, he turns to go back to his own resting spot to retrieve some supplies. Halsin isn't sure how much magical healing he still had in him tonight, after having assisted Shadowheart in bringing the party back to health earlier.

He just hopes what ever injury Astarion was attempting to hide didn't warrant serious medical attention.

After gathering what Halsin deemed necessary, cloth to use as bandages, salve, needle and thread if his magic didn't suffice to close any open wounds, and made his way back, moving fast but quietly.

He steps into Astarions tent to find the vampire sitting on his bedroll looking peeved.

“I said that you could do your thing so you'd leave me alone, not so you could waste my time by making me wait around for you.” Halsin doesn't give him a reaction.

He'd never been in Astarions tent before. The bright smell of citrus is almost overwhelming, and next to the suspiciously red stained bottles befitting of a vampire, there is also quite the little collection of blankets and pillows.

Next to the things that seem day to day parts of the tent interior, there is also a strewn about mess of bloody rags and an almost empty bottle of cheap liquor.

Halsin settles on his knees next to Astarion, spreading his supplies out next to him. This close, he gets a better look of how much blood is soaked in Astarions shirt. He wouldn't be surprised if Astarion hadn't already bled out almost the entirety of his earlier meal.

“Could you remove your shirt for me?” Halsin asks.

“Oh honestly darling, you could have just said if you wanted to get me naked.” Astarion dips his head in a way that lets him look up at Halsin through his pale eyelashes. He places his hand delicately on Halsins knee and trails it up his thigh with intent. Before this can go any further, Halsin takes the hand by the wrist gently and deposits it back in Astrations own lap. It seems Astarion is hells bent on keeping Halsin from helping him.

“As alluring as you are, you and I both know that I didn't come to your tent with such intentions.” Astarion was clearly fighting to keep the seductive look up as an annoyed frown found its way back onto his face. “Now, get that shirt off.”

“Fine.” The shirt comes off, Astarion only just not managing to conceal the hiss that escapes his lips. It's a grim sight, but not as bad as the worst Halsin had expected.

A large ugly bruise covers most of Astarions side, along with a deep gash that runs along his ribs. To Halsins surprise, the gash has been sewn closed neatly by thin black thread. A couple more bruises cover the rest of his torso, but nothing else major.

Not wanting to cross any boundaries, Halsin asks: “May I?” Astarion gives him another dismissive wave.

As Halsin goes to inspect the wound, there's a give to Astarions ribs he really doesn't like the feel of. They're broken, Halsin is sure of it. Three or four of them at least by the feel of it. A poorly concealed gasp leaves Astarions mouth. He clearly hadn't expected Halsins touch to hurt so much.

“Could you not do that?” he bites out between gritted teeth, fangs clearly on display.

“Apologies.” Halsin states genuinely. “You have broken ribs.”

“Oh really?” Sarcasm drips from Astarions words. “I hadn't noticed. How lucky I am to have you around.”

Halsin ignores Astarion, instead deciding to focus on getting his magic to fix the worst of the breaks before one of the bones pierced an organ.

When he lays his hand across the injury this time, he does so a lot gentler, making sure not to put too much pressure on it. Astarion pulls a face, but quickly settles back to looking annoyed. Haslin sees that as a win. This time, Halsins hand is on Astarions side long enough for him to notice just how cold the skin feels. Not abnormal for a vampire, Halsin assumes.

A soft sigh escapes Astarions mouth as Halsin starts channelling magic into the wound.

“May I ask what happened?” Halsin says, looking away from his work for a moment. Astarion turns his head away from him, but not fast enough for Halsin to not catch the frown on his face. “Was it monster hunters?” Halsin loathes to use that word for someone hunting a man he hopes to call friend some time soon, but there isn't really a way around indirectly calling Astarion a monster.

Astarion shakes his head, but refuses to elaborate.

“Astarion?”

A mumbled response is what Halsin gets.

“Could you repeat that please?”

Astarion snaps his head back round to look at Halsin. “It was a boar.” he spits, and then looks at Halsin expecting something. He's probably expecting Halsin to laugh at him, the druid realizes.

“They can be quite vicious.” Halsin hums, turning his attention back to the injury, pretending not to notice the baffled look on Astarions face.

“Well it's dead now.” Astarion says, recovering from his confusion.

Halsin removes his hand, done with the spell. The ribs are once again solid enough not to shift and grind against each other with every move Astarion makes, and even the bruise has faded somewhat. He takes another look at the gash.

“Did you stitch this?” Halsin says, pointing at it. Astarion huffs.

“No, the boar did that too.” Halsin laughs under his breath.

“No, it's just, your work is incredibly neat” Worryingly neat, Halsin thinks. It makes him wonder how much practice Astarion had gotten at stitching himself back up. “I do hope you cleaned the cut properly before you closed it.”

“I'm not stupid!” Astarion exclaims a little too loud, gesticulation to the bottle of cheap liquor.

Halsin doesn't doubt Astarions intelligence, but an injury from an animal is still generally a big risk for infection and disease. Although, Halsin really doesn't know if it works the same for undead.

“I'd like to take another look at this tomorrow, just in case.” Astarion neither agrees nor disagrees, only sighs.

As Halsin spreads salve on the area and bandages it, he does Astarion the favour of pretending not to notice how much he leans into Halsins touch. He also considers the implications of how well Astarion can hold in pained noises.

When he'd done, Haslin quickly grabs his things and gets up. Astarion will hardly appreciate him lingering. Just as he does that, Astarion grabs his wrist.

“Not a word of this to anyone, understand?” The fire in Astarions eyes tells him that he would be risking his life if he went against Astarions wishes. Halsin laughs.

“I wouldn't dream of it.” Astarion relaxes, and Halsin leaves.

As he makes his way back, Halsin suddenly knows exactly what his next carving project will be.

When a few days later, Haslin intercepts Astarion after a hunt stating he'd like to give the vampire something, he fixes Halsin with a salacious grin.

“Darling, you shouldn't have!” he says, smacking Halsins arm playfully. The look on his face when Halsin droppes the small carved boar into his hand is priceless. It seems conflicted between annoyance and amusement. “Oh you really shouldn't have.”

Halsin suppresses a laugh. “Apologies, I needed inspiration and you gave it to me.” Astarion sighs, thanks Halsin sarcastically and disappears into his tent.

From then on, Halsin ends up getting longer and longer actual conversations in with Astarion in the morning.

And, as he walks past Astarions open tent one day, he's certain he sees the little wooden boar perched next to Astarions things.

#whumpcember2023 #bg3 #astarion/halsin #astarion ancunin #halsin #blood

[icebearinacornfield]

Rating Alex Rider Villians on a scale of 1-10 on how supportive they'd be of me telling them I'm Agender: SCORPIA addition

[Just so we are clear, the concept for this came from a TikTok-er who does a good amount of Alex Rider content/analysis!)

Julia Rothman: 0/10 She'd call me 'girly-pop' in a heartbeat. Julia Rothman is such a Girl Boss (derogatory), that she'd become transphobic. She'd not believe that I was actually agender and be fully convinced that I'm only saying this because of internalized misogyny or something. She'd be calling me 'young lady', 'girly', 'Ms./Miss', any and all gendered terms because she'd know that it made me uncomfortable and that I hated it. Also, seeing as I'm not a literal underage boy, she probably wouldn't care too much about me in the first place... I don't think that Julia Rothman should be around children in general. She needs some Jesus...

Zeljan Kurst: 4/10 I get the sense that he'd find me pretty annoying as a person, so I'd already be on thin ice as it was. He wouldn't understand what being agender was and he probably would just have me labeled in his head as a girl, but he'd use the correct pronouns and otherwise not make a big fuss out of it. Zeljan Kurst really would just be trying to do whatever he could to not have to deal with me more than he absolutely would have to.

Max Grendel: 10/10 He gives supportive grandpa vibes! He might not always understand or get the pronouns right all the time, but he cares! A bit lost at times, but immaculate allyship!

Major Winston Yu: -1/10 Not only am I an American (i.e. NOT British) and am actively beefing with the concept of England in general, he'd already be having issues with me. Not only that, but he wouldn't understand what was going on and absolutely refuse to learn/get an explanation. He'd be misgendering me left and right in the most oddly polite way ever. Like, bro would look me dead in the eye and say "My dear girl" and then start ranting about his plans and how great England is or whatever.

Brendan Chase: 7/10 It'd start off fine with him being very accepting and supportive, but I could see it getting really weird real quick. He'd probably start asking me some really personal/probing questions about being agender and wouldn't see anything wrong about asking about it. But if/when I told him that it was personal/I wasn't comfortable with the questioning, he'd back off and apologize right away!

Abdul-Aziz Al-Razim: 0/10 He'd want to study the psychological pain of experiencing gender dysphoria and transphobia... He also just gives homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic energy in general. He'd actively hate crime me and observe my response for ~ScIEnCe~ and pleasure.

The Grimaldi Twins (they'd want to be counted as a single person): 6/10 They'd be pretty chill about it, I can't see either of them taking issue with me being agender. They'd be supportive, but they wouldn't care too much. It's pretty much just that. Nothing really to say here. If they killed me mafia style, it'd be because of something I did to fuck up their plans. Not because I'm agender. We stan equal opportunity kings! (Not really though.)

Doctor Three: 11/10 He's a strong ally! Dr. Three understands and respects how gender is fluid/relative/a social construct and he'd be very supportive! He'd also be out there actively fighting transphobia in the medical community through normal personal measures, but also through murder if he must!

Oliver D'Arc: 4/10 He just wouldn't care that much. If I told him my pronouns, he'd just be like 'ok' then immediately proceed to misgender me. He would never do anything outside of that though.

Yassen Gregorovich: 10/10 As a professional, Yassen would be using my preferred pronouns no questions asked! He'd also politely correct people who got the pronouns wrong or kill them because he's a ride or die like that (I may not be a Rider, but I feel like Yassen would still have my back in this area though).

Desmond Nye: 100/10 HE IS AN ALLY YOUR HONOR!!!! DESMOND NYE HAS PRIDE FLAGS IN HIS OFFICE AND ALWAYS ASKS FOR PREFERRED NAMES AND PRONOUNS! AND HE RESPECTS THEM! WHEN HE WAS IN CHARGE THERE WERE VERY STRONG ANTI-DISCRIMINATION POLICIES IN PLACE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! (As you can see I am very calm and normal about this headcanon.)

Nile: -11/10 He'd only be this level of unsupportive because he'd hate me and want to make me feel as uncomfortable/invalidated as humanly possible. If it was anyone other than me, he'd be fairly supportive, like, a solid 5/10! But we do have to take into account that Nile is totally very petty and that I'd bet good money he'd get very creative with his transphobia in a not-good way. In short, NILE IS A HATER!!!

Karl Steiner: -2/10 He'd psycho-analyze me and try to gaslight me into being cis. He'd straight up become a conversion therapist in an instant, but he'd also try to ease into the role to not scare me off and then go from there. But that would be his secondary goal. His primary goal would be to see if I'd make a good assassin and IDK how I'd do on his tests and that's not what we're talking about here. All in all, would not recommend this man as a therapist for anyone ever.

Anthony Sean 'Ash' Howell: 5/10 He'd just nod and say "nice" before going back to smoking and being angsty which, honestly, slay! (Not the smoking part! Don't smoke kids, it's very, very, extremely bad for you!) I can't see him being transphobic, but I can't see him being an ally either. He's just a guy. He's just Ken.

Gordan Ross: 8/10 He is a supportive man! As long as I was tuned into his lessons and knew what was going on, then we'd have no problem! I could also see him correcting people if they misgender me which is an added bonus.

Eijit 'Jet' Binnag: 8/10 Jet would use the correct pronouns and would have a general understanding of what being agender means, she'd also occasionally correct people if they used the wrong pronouns. Mostly all she'd care about was whether or not I put effort into her classes and knew what was going on.

Amanda: 10/10 Asks for pronouns, uses pronouns, corrects people when they use incorrect pronouns, not notes! Only good ally vibes!

Walker: 8/10 He's got nothing against being agender and would definitely use they/them pronouns, but he'd also just say some really out-of-pocket stuff about trans/non-binary/agender people and unintentionally make things uncomfortable. So, he gets points off for that, but having said that, Walker would totally correct people if they got my pronouns wrong and it wouldn't JUST be because he's a little bitch who likes to correct people to be annoying!

Klaus: 1/10 He worked with so, so, so many terrorist groups and is a mercenary. This man would not be out there saying trans rights! He probably wouldn't hate crime me if we were both students because he wouldn't want to get in trouble with Jet, Gordon, Amanda, Walker, or Yassen. I also couldn't see him going out of his way to hate crime me. Klaus would refuse to use the correct pronouns and constantly refer to me as a 'girl' when he thought he could get away with it. If he did use they/them for me, it would be because he was forced to. That being said, it wasn't like he would've been talking to or interacting much with me in the first place, so he'd be easy to ignore and it would be mutual.

#julia rothman #zeljan kurst #alex rider #alex rider tv #yassen gregorovich #nile (scorpia) #scorpia #scorpia board members #amanda (scorpia member) #walker (scorpia member) #klaus (scorpia member) #eijit 'jet' binnag #gordan ross #anthony sean 'ash' howell #desmond nye #oliver d'arc #karl steiner #doctor three #brendan chase #abdul-aziz al-razim #giovanni grimaldi #eduardo grimaldi #transphobia #agender #the slow decay of my mental state broadcast live for the entertainment of others and myself #y'all #I was *this* close to perposefully misspelling 'gordon ross' as 'gordon ramsey' just to see what would happen #did I make a mistake by not doing that?????

[danpuff-ao3]

Aaah, I'd meant to send you birthday wishes from work but that obviously failed, so here's a late-evening pop of the champagne cork for you, Danni my dear! I hope you've had the happiest of birthdays, and that you're feeling relaxed and cherished and totally indulged. And I hope you know you're cherished here as well; that you're a gift unto yourself and a delight to know! Also a brilliant author with a narrative voice that hurts the gut and breaks and illuminates the heart, while salvaging splendor from the materials of loss and ugliness. May this year bring you happiness upon happiness and much joy in your own creativity and sense of self!

I wanted to write you a Snarry snippet, but I'm pants at dashing things off in the moment, so it doesn't quite come off to my satisfaction. It doesn't really end; it's just there. But I'm dropping it here anyway because I don't have any other gifts to give you (and I'm still reeling from your latest tour de force).

Have a marvelous vacation! 🍾🎂💝😘💖

"I don't get it," Ron said. "I don't get how you can go from my sister to that awful, ugly git."

"An ugly git with a fanciable arse," Harry joked, fending off irritation at the fact that even his oldest friend refused to understand.

Ron had outgrown the juvenile impulse to mime sticking his finger down his throat, but he still grimaced in disgust as he said, "You're barking. Let's be honest, you of all people could have anyone you – "

Harry cut him off with a glare, and Ron caught himself before straying too far into rubbishy Boy Who Lived territory.

A few seats over, Charlie slanted Harry a speculative glance, as if intrigued by the topic of Snape's arse. Harry hid a smile but was canny enough not to oblige him.

He wanted to tell them You haven't a clue. Because it wasn't only about a nice arse. Severus did have his moments of beauty. Severus had his moments of belonging so completely to Harry that it blotted out everything else.

But those moments weren't meant for just anyone. They weren't meant for Ron or Charlie Weasley, for Hermione or Luna or Ginny. For all that Severus liked to insinuate their sexual compatibility into public places, there was a privacy to having a relationship with him, a sacrosanct quality that made everything five times more intense than Harry was used to.

Yes, Harry had been profoundly disturbed at first to discover it was Severus Snape's hard-faced respect, Snape's coal-black pessimism and tendency to bristle and stand his ground – even when his ground was patently wrong – that sent his cock and his temper soaring.

And Severus, after his initial recoil and ice-cold certainty that he was being pranked, had exploited that knowledge to the hilt.

Unfortunately, Ron couldn't just leave it. "It's not so much that it's a bloke, Harry. But why limit your, erm – " His discomfort smeared the words together into a smirk-worthy yerm, and the rest of the sentence proved what Harry had suspected, that he and Hermione were discussing Harry's love life behind his back. " – your erotic possibilities? No one in their right mind would call Snape sexy."

Exasperated, Harry almost shot back that no one had ever been concerned about how he was limiting himself when he was fucking a girl. But since that girl had been Ginny, it would be beastly to talk about her like that.

Then he considered mentioning the fact that, far from feeling limited, he didn't think he could take much more possibility in his sex life, as Severus would do anything he wanted.

It was true. Having bluffed his way through his own insecurity, braced every bloody time for Harry to mock him – because Severus hadn't yet got beyond his conviction that Harry was immensely more experienced than he, and that his own deprivation in this area made him, as a forty-something man, ridiculous – Severus would submerge completely in the 'erotic possibility' and take Harry with him.

PI!!!! My dear sweet friend. I am lost for words. 🥹 You are much too kind to me (which I fully appreciate.) I had the most lovely of birthdays, with much joy and indulgence! Sunny days, magical sights, and heaps of delicious food! But best of all was all the love sent my way. I am truly blessed to have so many generous, darling people in my life. 🥰

Now...ahem. [TW: fangirl shrieking ahead]

Truly, the Universe has smiled on me for my birthday! After all, imagine had this little snippet not existed???? When it's so very much everything I want and need from Snarry!!!!

Things I love:

Ron (and co.) not really "getting" Snarry? Biggest checkmark. Not enough of that out there!

Outright accusations of "ugly" [insert dreamy sigh here]

Snape's fanciable arse??? I know you've written that before and truly if any bit of Snape has to be stunning, if not his cock, then his arse will do! (But truly, both would be just fine by me!)

Severus did have his moments of beauty. Severus had his moments of belonging so completely to Harry that it blotted out everything else. -- I'm not sobbing, you're sobbing. But really, it's moments like these that make me LOVE the "ugly" word. It's why I LOVE honing in on other people's opinions and issues, and beauty standards, it's kicking them square in the balls! Yes, he's ugly in a sense. But that doesn't mean he's not beautiful. And really, isn't that the most perfect example of beauty? When it's everything within shining without? (Okay let me tuck my feelings back in there, sorry about that.)

More of Severus using personal details as weapons, as in: their sexual compatibility. To shock and horrify those around them. It feels quite petty on the surface, but also an almost defense mechanism deep down (even if he doesn't quite see it.) The whole "If I say it first, it won't hurt me if you say it" idea. Because if he's using it to shock/horrify people, then it won't matter when they're shocked/horrified. Or, even as punishment for being shocked/horrified. Truly, I'm obsessed. What a perfect bastard he is. (With quite the fanciable arse, I've heard.)

and stand his ground – even when his ground was patently wrong – hi yes it's me I'm in love.

Also Severus initially thinking the whole thing is a prank???? YES YES EXACTLY.

no one had ever been concerned about how he was limiting himself when he was fucking a girl. - and Harry too gentlemanly to speak of her like that, haha! Though in fairness, the dude he's fucking is SEVERUS FLIPPIN' SNAPE.

Severus would submerge completely in the 'erotic possibility' and take Harry with him. -- all the possibilities with these 2? 100% my favorite part. All of the passion and obsession and how I'm pretty sure they'll never get enough of each other. And not even just the erotic possibility, mind you, but....well, that erotic possibility sure is something!

Anyway um this was perfect and everything I could have ever wanted and I'm obsessed with it and if you wanted to put it on AO3 I would be in full support of that 👀 But as is I am forever grateful and like sobbing. Because these are my BOYS. 😭 And you do them such justice. You always remind me of why I fell in love with them (on the off chance I'd ever forget haha!)

#snarry #perverse_idyll #ficlet #birthday gift #i'm the luckiest gal alive i stg #fandom friends

[waitmyturtles]

Hi! I wanted to first of all say I've deeply enjoyed what you've written about various shows, especially your observations, meditations, insights, etc. around family dynamics, intergenerational trauma, etc. For MLC, I've been chewing over some parts of Jim and Li Ming's relationship. It was interesting to see how quickly their interactions became positive and easy after that post-funeral conversation and understanding, and it made me think that their relationship probably had a good foundation, that we met them at a time where it was strained and deteriorating to a crisis point, but since they were able to resolve their conflict they could return to and even build on the baseline they already had. I've thought about the way Jim and Li Ming are so similar being part of the reason they clash so much. I've thought about the way the past casts such a long shadow in Jim's heart. I've thought about how Jim said he and Jam ran away from home when they were Li Ming's age. There is a thing I've read and heard brought up by therapists and even seen discussed in parenting advice columns, where someone will experience something traumatic when they are young, and they'll grow up, be raising children, and when the children reach the same age they were when they experienced The Thing, the trauma can come roaring back in a big way. I wonder if that period in Jim's life--running away young and trying to eke out a living--was particularly hard/traumatic, and if Li Ming entering that same stage in life, with its very similar concerns of poverty and queerness (plus the pile-up of stressors we see happen in the show) is part of what's activating so much fear and overwhelm in Jim. There's a distinct quality to Jim in the worst of these fights where it seemed to me like he wasn't fully present, that the shadow cast by those past fears and hurts was just so very strong in those moments it was overwhelming. (I also think a lot about the fact that he refuted Jam's attempt to place blame on Li Ming being gay on himself, and refuted it being wrong or blameworthy at all, but then confided in Wen that he couldn't help but blame himself--that ambivalence of refuting the Wrong Idea on the one hand but deep down worrying that the Wrong Idea might be true was, in form if not in specific content, astoundingly relatable to me, I felt such overwhelming empathy for Jim there, but that's a different conversation) It was noticing this about Jim's arguments, and Jim's comments about him and Jam running away around Li Ming's age, that set me on this particular path of reflecting. That, and seeing how quickly things got better for them after some breakthrough communication... I thought if things could so quickly turn out this well, surely their baseline must have been better than the dynamic with which we were introduced to them--how and why, then, did it get so bad? I dunno, I just thought this could be one of the pieces of the puzzle of Why Jim Was Being Like That. Anyways, thanks for reading and being your awesome self <3

Oh, dearest Anon. Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, and for this beautiful write-up, which isn't really an ask, but actually a FABULOUS STANDALONE ANALYSIS -- I'm deeply touched you directed it my way, my heart is so full. (This is going to be a long response.)

You know me well (thank you for reading along, dear Anon!), and I was just thinking about this during dinner last night. I was thinking more on @wen-kexing-apologist's wonderful post, "Moonlight Chicken Is for the Queers," and why I'm so drawn in particular to Asian QL content, even though I'm a cishet mama.

I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for drama content about Asian families, created as intelligently and CRITICALLY as P'Aof and his related group of directors and screenwriters have done over the last few years. Watching these shows -- even though I am not queer -- is like art therapy for me. As a child of Asian immigrants, my sibs and I went through a lot, a lot. I'm reckoning with this shit now as a parent, maybe even à la Jim and Li Ming. I can totally relate to traumatic stuff from my past bubbling up in the course of my parenting -- the way I TALK to my kids, the way I interpret something they're doing as annoying, or (EVEN WORSE) them doing something "on purpose to annoy me" -- when in fact, my kids are being totally normal for their age. I have to check myself every second of every day, and it's exhausting.

We -- all of us as an audience -- I think, are very lucky to be watching this art at this moment in time. Even with the context of this material being set in a QL, I'm seeing other non-QL GMMTV shows tackle huge trauma issues (like 10 Years Ticket, which I highly recommend, and I can't wait to start on The Warp Effect, too, which I know is QL-ish). While the context of a QL provides a framework and structure around stories that feature minority figures, I believe that P'Aof and the other amazing GMMTV artists are saying something in their shows about the Asian cultures that I am from and relate to. The Asian family unit is A -- if not, THE -- dominant framework of an Asian individual's perspective on life, for their lives. I'm American, so I absolutely have grappled with this Asian family collectivist vision and the inherent contradiction of living in individualistic America. But that's why I watch these shows, and can even relate to the struggles of queer characters in these shows, even without being queer. Because being "different" in the Asian family unit is just DIFFICULT, no matter how you slice it. (I was different because... I wanted to stand up to my parents, which was not acceptable, no way, no how.) And perceptions about the Asian family unit absolutely bleed into general Asian societal viewpoints as well.

Anyway. My desire to learn more about families and who we are vis à vis family frameworks actually led me to my career, ha. With that in mind, a couple of other response points:

1) If you (or anyone out there) ever plan on becoming a parent, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND reading an amazing book called "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Dan Siegel. In fact, I'd probably just recommend this book to anyone who wants to get to know THEMSELVES at any point in their lives, children or no children. The book essentially says: if you don't reckon with your past, and how you were raised, and how you developed and REACTED to that experience -- you will miss out on opportunities for real self-actualization as a parent and as an adult.

Anon, you mentioned that at times, Jim didn't seem to be "fully present" in fights with Li Ming, and I totally agree with that read. I want to note that being "fully present" is like "enlightenment" to me. It is an ideal state that is tremendously difficult to achieve, especially in the minute day-to-day life of a parent, whether you're a parent to a young OR an old child.

In that context, you are so very right about the micro- and macrosystemic stressors that face Jim, and I want to take a quick note of them, because they're very real. This book is somewhat controversial (theories around education always are controversial), but gets into socioeconomic and environmental stressors: Whatever It Takes, about the founding of the Harlem Children's Zone by Geoffrey Canada. Again, many controversies exist about this model and how it's been portrayed over the years, but what I want to point out is: poverty and other socioeconomic stressors (like crime, police presence, drug use, unstable housing options, lack of food, lack of internet, etc.) can literally have both physical and emotional impacts. Brain development can literally be impacted by these stressors, even with fetuses in utero, let alone young children watching their family units face these stressors.

Jim is facing a WORLD of stress -- as the very first episode of MC laid out very clearly for us. The world is getting more expensive as vendors make less, or the same income. Absolutely, the stress of being poor and gay (sound familiar?) impacted him throughout his whole life to lead him to the moment that WE see him in the show.

This leads to my next thought:

2) You've certainly heard the phrase: "my mother, myself" -- which refers in part to repeating your parents' mistakes. (I probably say this phrase about once a day, along with a tiny scream.) If you're a parent who is trying to understand yourself from the context of WHO YOU WERE AS A CHILD, and how you were raised by YOUR OWN PARENTS, that MIGHT get you closer to that ideal state of being fully present. (That's the work that Dan Siegel recommends in his book.)

That leads to my next thought, which connects these two points together:

3) You are totally right to point out the context of Jim and Jam having moved from their rural village. They're both also hesitant about Li Ming moving to America.

What did "moving" do to Jim and Jam? We don't know that much, except that they were leaving a certain fate, to become farmers like their grandparents.

I'm going to take a guess -- borrowing both from my immigrant parents' experience, and from ATOTS, ha -- that running away HAD TO HAVE BEEN TRAUMATIC for Jim and Jam. AND, Anon, to your point about intergenerational trauma: Jim and Jam almost certainly had to have shared that trauma, unknowingly, with Li Ming.

They left their first home. Jim ran away from home while being poor and gay. Jam tried to build homes for Li Ming and failed. She sent Li Ming to live with Uncle Jim. Jim then faced the prospect of building a home for Li Ming. All while being poor and gay as an adult.

That's hit, after hit, after hit, after hit. Jim and Jam carry that with them. And Li Ming carries with him the trauma of moving, and moving, and moving, as well.

Immigrants most often don't go back "home" permanently -- certainly many do, but most don't. And yet.... "home," at least for my parents, was always back in Asia. In ATOTS, "home" for Tian WAS Bangkok, and ended up BEING the village in Chiang Mai.

In MC, what was home for Jim? Oh, my heart, how that gets revealed over the course of the show. When Wen, sleeping on Jim's lap, asks him, in the living room of Jim's rented house -- "do you take this house as a home?" For Wen, and for Jim, home ultimately was what they were going to build TOGETHER.

All of those stressors -- the moving, the identity obstacles, the poverty -- prevented Jim from being able to build a home, holistically, until he met Wen. And I might even posit, ooooh, let me go here -- I might even posit that Jim's ability to level with Li Ming, to see Li Ming for the man that Li Ming is on the cusp of becoming, happened because Jim was simultaneously in the process of discovering himself vis à vis Wen's love, by beginning to build a family with Wen. I think we see Jim developing that stronger sense of presence that you, Anon, noted wasn't there during Jim's and Li Ming's fights.

In relation to what you were saying, Anon, about when things got bad for Jim and Li Ming, I also want to note that it's just really important to understand the context of how younger Asians engage with Asian elders/parents, which @telomeke writes about eloquently here. I'm going to leave this aside in this analysis, but please note that these dynamics are also hugely important in how Jim and Li Ming are set up to engage.

(Anon, thank you for noticing my obsession with Aof and intergenerational trauma, because I haven't seen anyone in dramaworld analyze it better than him.)

In any case, I don't necessarily think that things were dualistically bad-to-good for Jim and Li Ming. I think that, likely, things were ALWAYS COMPLICATED, between an uncle facing an enormous amount of pressure and trauma; and a pre- to post-pubescent teen discovering himself, his sexuality, his first attraction, and contemplating an unknown future -- all while certainly sharing the stressors of the stand-in parent that is raising him. Shit was complicated between Jim and Li Ming, and certainly would stand to still be that way, if we ever get lucky to have an update via an MC Our Skyy 3 (let's pray together for it, ha).

4) Two more quick notes. P'Aof certainly has a genius of showing many facets to the same character, and I just love that he critically shies away from singular or dualistic interpretations of his dear characters. When, as you note, Jim doesn't play the blame game IN FRONT OF JAM, and secretly blames himself to Wen that Li Ming might be gay BECAUSE of him (Jim) -- it indicates not only the intimacy he has with Wen, that he can talk about this stuff with Wen (swoon), but it also reveals the generational perspective that certainly differs between Jim and Li Ming. Possibly, in the course of Jim's busy life, trying to survive as a gay man, working his ass off, in poverty, partly while getting cheated on by that POS, Beam -- Jim just didn't have the time or space to contemplate the roots of his understanding of who he is. (Then again... not everyone is as self-exploratory as yours truly, HEH.)

5) I totally agree with you about the foundation of Jim's and Li Ming's relationship being better than we think, even if, as you note, we were privy to some of their most stressful moments. I just want to leave this post with the screencaps of their last intimate conversation, because I think in only a few words, so much was revealed. Jim revealed himself to Li Ming. At this moment -- he parented from the inside out. He told Li Ming, admitted to the kid -- kid, you made ME a better person.

That's revelation -- the kind of adult revelation, vis à vis a parent-to-child relationship, that you really don't see happen much in Western content. And it just THRILLS me, as I've written before, that this is happening in ASIAN MEDIA, because I think Asian family units definitely are ripe for the kind of brilliant criticism that P'Aof levels at them.

ANON -- sorry to unspool like this! You gave me a lot of inspiration. I'm having such an MC hangover, and you handed this to me like a hair of the dog, ha. I hope you didn't mind this long post, and thanks again for the wonderful note!

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken meta #earth pirapat #fourth nattawat #jim and li ming #asian family units #asian parenting #intergenerational trauma #intergenerational trauma in asian families #backaof noppharnach #thanks for the ask! #i can't stop thinking about this wonderful show #the last time i was like this was after the cherry magic movie #it took me months to let go oh lord

[sarabwawahm]

"There are new worlds waiting."

This is my first time writing fanfiction, if this could be called one. It will not fit fully in the original story, and it is not supposed to. Some parts may cause confusion, since i am inserting Ocs and few actions that never happened in the series. Bear with me, i will try to clear it all in next chapters. Please correct me if i'm doing something wrong. Other than that, i hope you enjoy this fragment of my imagination.

Death could be described in a lot of words. Unhappy, unknown, unavoidable. It affected more than just the person experiencing it. Furthermore, having a taste of it in second hand, was often worse than living it (or not) for oneself.

At least, this is what Marceline believed. She was immortal, a mighty vampire despite her frail and young looking appearance. She didn't have such a weakness as a survival instinct. What she did have, thought, was a prominent fear of losing her sister and her guardian.

Especially when they nearly were mere humans in an ending world. Still, the two did their best to be standing figures for the innocent girl. For that, she is forever grateful. Thanks to them, she managed to keep a bit of her energitic personality.

Beatrice, older in appearance but younger in age, held a great place in her heart. The sixteen years old was a deep-thinker, feeler, admirable for her calm, brave and positive attitube. And she didn't even give herself enough credit for it! How humble, yet annoying of her! Still, she couldn't be that mad when Tricy was a charm for sore eyes! How she would feed her, hold her in her sleep, lift her when she was tired of walking. Oh, Marcy loves her, that was for sure!

Little did she know, love is what makes mourn so hard.

It was an usual day. Apart from Simon leaving them by themselves, like he ocasionally did, and retreating to the deserted convenience store for some breakfast, the morning was what they could call typical. Beatrice and Marceline made sure to stay in the camp all the time, awaiting Simon's arrival and passing time playing quiet games, with the human girl often observing her surroundings for any bad sign, as her guardian instructed. Marcelyne found herself staring into her worried eyes whenever she heard a sound nearby. Even worried, her blue crystals were a sight to behold; soft to a strange extant, and dreamy, as dreamy as one can get. All her feelings could be easly seen through those soul-windows, and Marceline often wondered if hers were nearly as animated. Both their eyes were, indeed, lively.

"You are staring again, Linlin..", her sister's loving voice cut her from her trance, and Marcelyne cracked a smile when she heard her chuckle sweetly.

She did love her sister.

"Tell, Tricy!", the girl hummed in response, "do you ever-"

Her question was interrupted by a sound, now, clear footsteps, crawling toward the camp.

Their mouths formed thin lines, as they watched from distance, anticipating whatever was to come, hoping it was a slightly limping Simon with a shining crown over his head, or maybe an injured deer.

It was not.

Humanoid creatures leaking green came their way. Those..things could be counted by hundreds.

Beatrice, mind ceasing and actions beggining, swiftly picked her sister, craddling her head and running, running.

She remembered Simon's words. They will catch you if you run in the direction of their march. Moving will tire you, but not them. Hide and move away from their supposed goal.

So, she did. She hid in cars, behind trees, inside buildings. She went in the opposite side of their walk.

"I'm tired, sister..", said Marceline after hours of silent suffering. She never was, physically, as she had the most stamina among the three of them. But she now is, psychically.

"I know, dear..", whispered Beatrice back. Her voice was hushed despite, weirdly, not encountering any living being.

Weird might be dangerous.

Her thoughts travelled rapidly, from their current situation to worrying about Simon. They left the site, they left him alone there with the bunch of Things. Hopefully, the Ice King would protect him.

In her tourment, she missed so many details. One is that, if a predator avoids an area at all costs, then there is something more feroce there.

They were walking right into an unset trap.

They only realised when it was too late. When they heard giant waves of chaos coming toward them.

And when you hear it, there is no turning back. Cataclysm moves faster than sound, after all.

Beatrice never concidered what she would do in this certain situation. She never would've even known, for a daughter of unloving parents, that she would love that much.

But she did.

And love, this time, broke the survival instinct.

She was, after all, human. Too human.

Her body instantly wrapped itself around Marceline to give her this little push to survive. She knew the girl was capable of going through this alive, if only mere help was presented. And she was more than ready to offer it, rather than attempting and failing a poor escape. In fact, she didn't even think of it, all her sences working in providing security to her Angel of a vampire.

Before she could say anything, the littlest girl was trapped in the arms of the dead, as death itself danced in her sister's once soft eyes. It was a fast end. Her now darkened crystals reflected a shocked, saddened Marceline. The shock was the death that turned Marceline's own black eyes into dull portals. She wondered if they looked as out of character in her as they did in the laying girl. Both, indeed, were lifeless.

She kept repeating to herself the interrupted question she desired to ask.

Do you ever love someone, by just looking in their eyes.

Simon found her days later, and it was only then was when the child finally cried. Her body wrecked with sobs and her cheeks were strained with tears, voice wavering and breath hitching when she tried to explain what happened to him. He understood without explanation. Beatrice sacrificed herself for the sake of her loved one. A lovely girl she was, really.

He felt rage upcome his soul and blind his vision. How could the world treat his girls this way?

The crown over his head glowed with vengeance, and he went on a rampage, throwing empty promises to Marcy. That he would comeback. That he would stay sane.

Then, and then only, she trully was lonely.

#adventure time #character x oc #marceline #adventure time x reader #alternate version #fanfic #x oc #x reader

[livia-dovehallow]

For the short prompts gabrily telling Edmund and Linette their engagement?

this one is sooo interesting because my first thought was i could write this entire piece as a letter!!!!!

Edmund and Branwen Herondale Ravenscar Manor, Yorkshire, England 4 January 1880 Mam and Da,

It has been much too long since we have come to see you. I miss you both terribly and think of you often. Will and I hope you are at peace knowing we are happy and together.

And I am especially happy today.

Last night, Gabriel proposed to me!

Da, I imagine that right now you are grumbling to yourself and Mam is scolding you. You may skip all that, as Will has already experienced the seven stages of grief on your behalf in the hours since I broke the news to him despite the fact that he knew it was going to happen.

The rest of this letter may be of only Mam's interest, but I trust that she will share a summary of the event with you in time.

Mam, it was everything I had ever hoped it would be. It was just as you had described--the overwhelming feeling of being loved and your heart racing in your chest wanting to blurt out, "yes!" before he'd even finished speaking.

I knew I was going to marry him, Mam, but Gabriel did well in surprising me with the actual proposal. I swear I could not breathe when I turned and found him down on one knee looking up at me with that smile and those eyes.

He said such romantic things to me that even now I tear up recalling the memory. It was so perfect, I tell you. Snow was falling around us and was all over the ground. There is nothing like the sight and peace of snow falling against a dark night sky with the dim light of the street lamps at the edge of the gates.

And Mam-- he had an engagement ring opened up to me alongside his family ring. It was the most thoughtful gesture anyone has ever made for me. He found the most simple yet meaningful way to honor my life and memories as both a Mundane and a Shadowhunter. He loves all the parts of me. And I love all the parts of him.

I wear both rings now as I write to you and pause after each sentence to admire them. We promised Will it would be a long engagement and I fully intend on letting him have his wedding first. After all, it will take more than mere weeks to plan my wedding.

How I wish I could be with you now to share in my happiness. Know that I love you both dearly and that Gabriel and I are good to each other and that I have not disemboweled Will in his sleep yet.

Nes i mi dy weld di eto, Cecily

BONUS: A letter from Gabriel to Cecily's parents!

Edmund and Branwen Herondale Ravenscar Manor, Yorkshire, England 3 January 1880

Mr. and Mrs. Herondale,

I send this letter to you both as a thank you for the warmth and generosity you have shown me since we met. Cecily and Will have always, and still do, speak of you in the highest regards and fondest memories and I understand why.

Admittedly, I also write this letter to you as I prepare the bravery to ask Cecily to marry me. Had circumstances allowed, I'd have preferred to share this with you both in person, no matter how wracked with nerves I am, as I value the opinions of those Cecily holds so near and dear to her heart.

You already know this well, but Cecily is the most amazing, beautiful, smart, witty, and brave person I have ever met in my whole life. I'd be a fool not to realize it. She encourages and supports me to be the best version of myself I can be, and for that, I will never be able to repay her. But I will try each day for the rest of my life.

I promise to protect her, and care for her, support her and above all, love her with everything that I have and am. I love her more than I have ever thought it possible for one person to love another. Love itself doesn't seem to be a strong enough word.

Thank you for being a part of what makes Cecily so special.

With greatest appreciation and gratefulness, Gabriel Lightwood

#maggie answers #kind anons #gabrily #gabriel lightwood #cecily herondale #wow this made me tear up a bit ngl #they're so in love with each other #goals #cecily lightwood #edmund herondale #linette owens #linette herondale #will herondale

[sapphos-darlings]

I have no one else I could possibly talk about this with, so I wanted to reach out and maybe get a reality check.

is it stupid of me to be seriously considering making plans to travel to meet someone I met online only a few months ago?

as I’m putting together my plans for the summer, there’s a way it could actually happen, but based on certain factors, it’s a decision I would have to make fairly soon. meeting her wouldn’t be the only thing I’d be doing there (more or less professional development), but it would be the primary reason why I went there instead of somewhere else more reasonable (she lives overseas).

we met in a group discussion space catered to shared skills/interests, and falling for her or anyone there was never my intention. at that point, I was still struggling to pinpoint my identity, and was experiencing a lot of denial and negative thought patterns surrounding it.

she’s a writer, and as I started reading her work, it made me really think. suddenly, I was writing too and thinking about things I had never really fully processed before. slowly but surely, i watched so much of my internalized homophobia dissipate, and I feel freer than I ever have.

in discussing the writing and shared interests, somehow, we clicked instantly. I can’t pinpoint when it went from us being close in a platonic way to something else entirely, but it has. I’ve never felt this way before and I think about her all the time. i find myself blushing and getting butterflies even when we are just having a regular conversation. we talk every single day and both lose some sleep over it because time zones, but I just love listening to her. there are so many coincidences with aspects of our lives that it just feels like something too big to ignore.

we’ve discussed meeting as a definite hypothetical, like… it has to happen someday, but who knows when. As such, we have a lot of specific things we’d like to do if it ever happened as well. so now I’m staring this opportunity in the face like… am I moving to fast? am I crazy? and if I am, would it be that bad if I want to do something a little reckless for the first time in my life? even if it were to end in heartbreak, I feel like I need to see at least one great love story in my life through. but it could just be the initial infatuation talking. I’m new to this, as we’ve established, and I’m in my early 20s.

so, if you have thoughts, let me know, and don’t be afraid to be brutally honest.

My dear Anon, sounds absolutely wonderful! You are in love and that is very exciting! Things we do for love can feel wild and crazy and that is not always a bad thing, and sometimes taking risks is worth it. Been there! (Heartbroken in the end, but no regrets.)

But as an older adult, let me give you a little checklist and a talking-to about what you're about to do. You're probably reading this hoping I'd say go for it, because you definitely sound like you have already pretty much decided to go no matter what I say, but please, recognize that bias and take your time. That means debating yourself, making proper lists weighing pros and cons, actually looking at your money situation and thinking ahead, second-guessing and spending minimum three days before actually making a decision.

Seriously consider following:

Are you giving up a serious opportunity for work or education, or are you just picking a slightly less good one because this girl is there? I'd say do not throw away possibly one time opportunities for your own education or work for a chance with someone. But! If the choice is between like "the best and most fitting overseas school program" and "the third best/most fitting school program and meeting the girl", then I'd say taking the chance with this girl is worth it.

What's your financial situation now? How about in three years? What's best for your education and finances in the long term? Do not go overboard now if that means emptying your bank account, but rather save up and travel in a year or two.

Prepare for the worst: what if she's not at all like you imagine? What if you meet her and find there's no attraction? What if she gets cold feet? What if she breaks your heart? Take a good moment to plan for the worst. It's not to say "don't do it", but to make sure you have a plan B, C and D. Read again the first point and consider, is it worth it if she breaks your heart?

Seriously, you need a plan B. Plan your trip and your stay and your education/job/whatever you're there for also independent of her. Look out for yourself.

You need to tell someone that you're meeting a person. You can just say an online friend, but remember that all rules about meeting people online stand here too, especially when you're in a foreign country: Meet in a public place, ask for her picture beforehand and talk to her in voice chat, make sure you have people who know where you are and with whom, inform your emergency contact, and so on.

And I think that's it. Do not throw away work or education for a chance, don't ruin yourself financially, make sure you're safe and secure, and prepare for heartbreak. Remember, this has to be worth the time and money and possible sacrifices even if nothing comes of it. This girl can't be your only reason.

Other than that, well. Think about the story you'll have.

-Lavender

#ask

[jasmariswonderland]

“Mon Sauveur” ~ Sidonie’s Ceremonial Robes Vignette (1/2)

“Like fine young rosebuds, I’m looking forward to seeing how each of you freshman blossom here at Night Raven College!” 

As Sidonie prepares for the coming orientation ceremony, she contemplates her previous year at NRC and her new role as an experienced sophomore. 

Fake screencaps made with assets from the wonderful @ alchemivich! 💙

~~~

Vil: Care to explain yourself, Miss Lilyth? 

Sidonie: No, Vil, I’d rather not if it’s all the same to you. 

Vil: Is there a reason why you’re not yet ready for the ceremony?

Sidonie: I’m ready, fully dressed as you can see. I feel like that’s a question you should direct to Rook. 

Vil: Hmph, this is your second year and yet you’re as cheeky as ever. I’m referring to your lack of makeup. 

Sidonie: I figured. But is it really necessary? It’s just that I’ve never gotten the hang of applying the smoky eyeshadow and I think doing it poorly would be worse than being bare faced as I am now. 

Vil: Your point is valid there, however, as a sophomore, I expect more of you since you’ve had plenty of opportunity to perfect the style. How many times have you worn these robes? 

Sidonie: Three. And each time Rook helped me with my eye makeup. But he seems to have disappeared. 

Vil: …

Farron: There’s no need for that look, Vil-san, I’ll assist Sidonie with her eye makeup. It won’t take long, I promise. 

Vil: See that it doesn’t. Orientation will be starting soon so we must make haste.

Farron: On that same note, where is Rook-san? I saw him leaving with Floyd but that was a while ago and neither were in their robes. 

Vil: I have my hands full preparing for the particulars of tonights ceremony and you sophomores have your hands full preparing for the welcome reception afterward. Neither of us have time to concern ourselves with him. Both of you meet me outside the mirror chamber once you’re ready. 

~~~

Pomefiore dorm - Sidonie’s room 

Farron: There,  just about done. I must say, this makeup really brings out the intense green hue of your eyes. 

Sidonie: Thanks, dear. I don’t know how I’d fare doing this myself. 

Farron: Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear makeup. Is there a reason for that? 

Sidonie: No, not really. I’m just not that big on cosmetics. 

Farron: That's a rarity for a Pomefiore student. However, being so naturally lovey without makeup is a rarity as well.

Sidonie: Please be serious, Farron. 

Farron: I am. I’ve often heard the others say how you’re the only student in our dorm who can get away with using no makeup at all. 

Sidonie: I guess I’ve just always put a deeper importance on my inner beauty.*sighs* really, I swear, sometimes I feel so lost in this dorm. Between occasionally picking up the slack for Rook, and Vil always on my case, Pomefiore would be much more bothersome if it weren’t for your company. 

Farron: You think so? Think about the newbies we’ll be welcoming tonight! They’ll have no idea what they’re in for!

Sidonie: Neither did I! I felt so out of place and to make matters worse, I hoped to be sorted in Heartslabyul. But fate had other plans. 

Farron: Think of it this way, tonight, you might come across a similarly bewildered freshman, you can be their guide and we can help them not feel so out of place themselves. I’m sure they’ll be as overwhelmed as we once were! 

Sidonie: *laughs* I’m not sure how decent a guide I can be when I’m often equally as bewildered. 

Farron: Earlier today, Rook said something I’ve been pondering all afternoon. When he first returned to NRC for his sophomore year, he really didn’t feel any different until he met you and I and the other freshman. Whatever confusions he still had, that was when he realized that as newbies, we had many more! And that in a way, helping Vil direct us could even help him as well. And now a year later, we’ll take on that position too! 

Sidonie: That’s quite profound coming from Rook, but I never thought of it that way. *with a new smile* Come, let’s get a move on before Vil gets on us again. 

Farron: We still have another hour to kill. Contrary to what Vil said, there’s no rush. 

Sidonie: True but I wanna have a head start and get there early. Hopefully Rook is already there cause I don’t feel like playing vice dorm leader again tonight. Plus I wanna talk to afew of my friends in the other dorms. 

Farron: Ohh? I know what that’s code for. *grins* Hoping to catch afew moments with Trey-san? 

Sidonie: I don’t recall asking for your opinion. 

Farron: Ah, so I’m right! 

Sidonie: Hush you!  

*Farron laughs as he runs out the door with Sidonie following him* 

~~~ 

Sidonie: Ugh, and as expected, Rook is no where to be seen. Should have known.

Farron: Maybe he’s running late? This is too important an occasion for him to miss. 

Vil: Ara, what am I going to do with him? Sidonie, wait here and lead him to where we are once he arrives. 

Sidonie: … (should have known that’s what was coming. So much for seeing Trey) 

(Short timeskip) 

Sidonie: Rook-san! There you are! 

Sidonie: Not just me, Vil too! How will you explain this to him? 

Rook: Forgive my tardiness, my preparations took longer than expected. But standing by Vil’s side requires nothing less than perfection as I’m sure you understand.

Sidonie: Be sure to say exactly that when he asks. Thankfully I think Crowley is still preening on with his introduction. You know his speeches tend to go on awhile. But after the dorm placements, I must get back and prepare for the reception. Promise me no more running off tonight? 

Rook: I do so swear, Madame. Thank you once again for covering for me, Sidonie, mon saveur. 

Sidonie: I’m flattered, really, but there’s no need for that. Let’s just get inside before Vil scolds us both! 

~~~

Farron: *Whispering to Rook and Sidonie* Guys, we’re over here! 

Sidonie: *Whispering also* Hey! Sorry we’re late. (Well one of us is…) Have they begun the dorm placements? 

Farron: They just started, so far we’ve only got afew newbies. 

Vil: Like watching a herd of clumsy newborn foals learning to walk. Rook and I will certainly have our work cut out for us. 

Rook: Oh come now, Vil. 

Sidonie: Hmph, weren’t you once one such clumsy foal yourself? 

Vil: I do not recall. 

Farron: Oh, look at this student! 

*Epel approaches the mirror*

Farron: Now he could have some potential if…

Vil: Hmph, I spoke to that one not too long before we began. Epel is his name and don’t let his appearance fool you. Behind that delicate face lies not a single ounce of grace or poise.

Sidonie: *smiling* Well he just got sorted in our dorm so now that’s your responsibility! 

Vil: Ara ara, talk about turning a sow’s ear into a silk purse. 

Rook: My my, look at this lovely lady. 

*Danica approaches the mirror*

Farron: Goodness! A fascinating air to that one. The way she carries herself in her robes is both sweet and seductive. It’s almost frightening. 

Sidonie: *grins*  Also, she’s now one of us! 

Vil: Hmph, her voice was so soft I couldn’t even hear her name. 

Sidonie: …

Rook: *whispering* Sidonie, who does she remind you of? 

Sidonie: Hmm? 

*Sidonie turns to Rook but he looks ahead and pretends he didn’t say anything. Freshman  continue approaching the mirror and the Pomefiore boys continue their commentaries*

Farron: Ohhhh, that one has lovely hair, I’d love to brush it! 

Vil: He’ll need far more than a brush for that rattail. 

Rook: That student has beautiful eyes, like the color of evening twilight, sparkling like stars! 

Vil: And her robes look like they were just pulled out of the laundry. 

Sidonie: … (What did Rook mean, who does that girl remind me of?) 

*Sidonie’s mind is wandering and she glances towards the Heartslabyul students, particularly Trey. He catches her glancing over at him and he smiles.* 

Sidonie: …!! *blushing* (I’m guessing we won’t have time to chat after this. Maybe I’ll call him later.)

*Trey continues to smile at her and makes a “call me” signal with his hand and mouth*

Sidonie: *smiles back* (Yeah, I’ll certainly call him later!)

(brief timeskip)

Farron: I wonder where Crowley is, it looks like we’re done with the dorm placements.

Sidonie: I’m not sure but I wonder if its okay for me to head back to the dorm now. Vil, what do you think? 

Vil: I would say so, Rook and I must stay to guide the new spudlings to the dorm. Go ahead, Sidonie, we will see you soon. 

Sidonie: Very well. Vil, don’t scare the newbies too much. And Rook, remember your promise to me! 

*Sidonie leaves the mirror chamber*

Vil: Rook, what did she mean by that? What did you promise her? 

Rook: *laughs* Nothing to concert yourself with, Roi du Poison! 

~~~~

*Timeskip*

Sidonie: *smiling* Looks like everythings ready! Now to wait for the newbies to arrive. They sure are taking a while though. I know Crowley still was gone when I left, hope he didn’t keep them too long with more of his preening. 

*the sound of buzzing from her phone* 

Sidonie: Oh? I got text, *reads her phone* it’s from Farron. Hmmm, “Hey, we’re on our way…hmmm....magicless student? Odd...hmmm...fire-breathing cat?! Okay…also…hmmm...” *her eyes widen* WHAT?! HOW DID…ARE YOU SERIOUS ROOK?! “Vil doesn’t know yet, he was talking to someone when it happened. But we gotta make sure he never does otherwise...” I...I...WHY ARE YOU ALL LIKE THIS?!

- To Be Continued -

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #OC: Sidonie #things i write

[readbykate]

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky Star Rating: ★★★★★ Release Date: February 1, 1999 Genre: YA Fiction Number of Pages: 213 Date Read: March 11, 2016

First Line: “Dear Friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have.”

Favorite Quote: “‘Charlie, do you know how smart you are?’ I just shook my head no again. He was talking for real. It was strange. ‘Charlie, you’re one of the most gifted people I’ve ever known. And I don’t mean in terms of my other students. I mean in terms of anyone I’ve ever met. That’s why I gave you the extra credit work. I was wondering if you were aware of that?’ ‘I guess so. I don’t know.’ I felt really strange. I didn’t know where this was coming from. I just wrote some essays. ‘Charlie. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I just want you to know that you’re very special and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has.’”

  Review: A truly unique coming-of-age story told through a series of letters to an unnamed friend. Our main character Charlie corresponds his first year of high school, writing about both the highs and lows. We soon learn there is a much darker past to Charlie than was first known. We also watch as he finds friends, falls in love and faces the trauma of his past. 

Admittedly, I first read this book at a time in my life when I wasn't really in the mood to accept what this book was trying to tell me. It has taken me a lot of growing, life experience, and most importantly, reflection, to appreciate this novel. It wasn’t until my second read years later that the purpose of this book truly hit me. 

I see a lot of myself in Charlie. For a long time I repressed or explained away past trauma and once I fully understood it I became deeply depressed. One of the major themes in this book was the importance of participating in life; for a long time, I was not doing that. I still find it very difficult to do so because of depression and because I isolated myself for so long that I lost many friendships. With that being said, it is also very easy to feel like a burden when you are in such a terrible head space. I read this for the second time when I was trying to trudge my way out of the dark waters of my mind and I found a lot of comfort in Charlie and everyone who helped him, because, even though I didn’t necessarily have people like that in my life, it helped to pretend as if I did, as if they were talking to me. 

With that being said, this is not a happy book. If you have experienced trauma it is not easy to read and just because it helped me does not mean it won’t negatively affect any progress you’ve made in addressing your trauma so please read this with some caution. 

Content Warnings: abortion, abuse, alcohol abuse, bullying, car accident, death, drug use, homophobia, incest, infidelity, mental illness, pedophilia, racism, rape, sexual abuse, suicide

Disclaimer: This blog was started in August of 2022, so some of my past reads from many years ago are not posted/reviewed because I don’t remember them well enough. With that being said, you can find a full list of all my read books in the links on my blog’s homepage :)

#the perks of being a wallflower #book review #logan lerman #books and literature #emma watson #stephen chbosky