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#I am dying laughing on the inside
blooddrownedhunter · 2 years
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I think I’m actually dying.
I had no idea the phrase “Marika’s tits” was used outside of the fics. And in the actual game, no less!
Boggart you incredible sonnuva bish. ❤️🥰😍
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baphomuttt · 13 days
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Rrr ERM ERM EMR ermmmm can u draw RGB trio
rgBEAN trio
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mechanichuntsman · 2 months
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Finally I can drop these
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wafflesrisa · 9 months
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My friend (f1 driver I have previously said I support) has been incredibly embarrassing in the grocery store aisle (currently getting justly ratioed on Twitter for being whiny butthurt and blaming his bad race on a rookie driver 10 years younger than him) and I have to pretend I don’t know them (struggling with not posting a long mortified tumblr post distancing myself from his behaviour)
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sharkieboi · 1 year
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just got back from the seeing the DnD movie a second time and i cannot WAIT until gif-makers get their hands on this movie there’s so many cool shots and easter eggs and there’s definitely going to be lists of actual mechanics shown in the movie in very fun gifsets I cannot wait
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keeps-ache · 1 year
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i accidentally stayed up til 5 a.m. last night looking for a fic that wasn't slash [wheeze laughs and then collapses]
#just me hi#i got four hours of sleep though so dw i'm fine :D#i might personally need to sleep like maybe five hours#i say five cuz 100% i'm taking a nap when i get bored later#//anyway i'm listening to music and ivakhvfb#happy hands happy hands !!!#i got ze Zoomies#//looking at so many pretty flowers rn#thanks in advance for the ask viney i am having Ideas :DD <3#did you know that the zinnia (specifically the red peruviana from what i've seen) was dubbed 'the world's first space flower' ?#it was grown in space!! :DD#and she's so so pretty like a poppy and a cornflower at once#the red one's i'm looking at anyway#//anyway yeah stayed up til five a.m.#it's almost funny how i'll be reading a desc. and be like 'hey wait this actually sounds p good-'#and then i double-triple check the tags and it's like. abo#i'm dying can you tell#'use the filtering opt-' [boop] No. :)#not only does a bit of inconvenience bring spice to my life#but also sometimes i need to just lay back and laugh bc everybody is dating everybody and i just shrivel up inside when anything happens#but also i do not like having to add every tag so there's that too lol#so neat how it's like 'oh this sounds....... interesting' [click]#and then finish reading and it's like 'OH MY GOSH. OH MY WHY. HWY. [cries all over the place]'#idec abt inception but that one fic got me like o0o#anyway what else was i saying#uhhhh#//ouhghguh zoomies happy hands happy hands auhhguhug#//might write today too! who knows i'm feeling good :D#nothing grey today ma'am no sirreeeeeee#ok xoxo i'm gonna get back to sketching ~+~+~
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nukenai · 2 years
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is there anything more violently startling than watching a video about one of your favorite video games and suddenly You Are Mentioned By Name And Your Tumblr Blog Is Shown On-Screen
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wraithlafitte · 2 months
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YALL someone put bobby brown goes down by frank zappa on a dean winchester playlist and- i just need you all to read these selected lyrics i’m DYING
they are explicit so expand at your own risk 💀💀
They say I'm the cutest boy in town My car is fast, my teeth are shiny
Oh God, I am the American dream I do not think I'm too extreme And I'm a handsome son of a bitch
ok normal right? very dean...... just you wait dear reader
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie She made a little speech then Oh, she tried to make me say when She had my balls in a vice but she left the dick I guess it's still hooked on but now it shoots too quick
none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo Eventually me and a friend Sorta drifted along into S&M I can take about an hour on the tower of power As long as I get a little golden shower Oh God, I am the American dream With a spindle up my butt 'til it makes me scream
bonus:
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
i just.... what was frank zappa on when he wrote this LMFAO and the fact that someone added it to a playlist called dean winchester's impala is 1000000x better
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mushroomtricolor · 9 months
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i don't think there is literally anything funnier than government idiots posting bad takes on twitter and turning off replies. afraid of getting clowned on huh? widdle baby gonna piss and shit and cry if he sees 5 thousand "ratio" replies huh??? face the public like a man, tweet boy
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cloudcountry · 1 year
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nrc when you dodge their kisses
SUMMARY: The NRC boys try to kiss you, and you dodge. How dare you!
CHARACTERS: All NRC Students
WARNINGS: None!!
COMMENTS: You already know what I'm gonna say. Azul you're gorgeous and I want actually I NEED you to hmu!! I would treat you so right!! Just one kiss please!! You can tell I'm Azul biased and I am not sorry!!
~~~~~
Heartslabyul
Riddle Rosehearts immediately turns as red as his hair. He apologizes profusely for assuming you’d be up for a cheek kiss and you have to resist the urge to hug him. You tell him to calm down, that it was a joke. His relief is evident, but you can tell there’s something else on his mind as he stares at you, so you offer him your cheek again.
Trey Clover apologizes immediately, his cheeks flushed pink. This is one of the only times you’ll ever see him rattled, slightly embarrassed that you’d dodged his display of affection. He shakes it off pretty easily though, much to your chagrin. Smooch him.
Cater Diamond knows what you’re playing at. He holds your face still and gives you two big smooches on your cheeks, telling you he loves you before rushing off to class. He’s going to dodge you the next time you try to kiss him as payback.
Deuce Spade looks heartbroken. He apologizes and vows to ask before doing anything like that next time. He asks if he’s made you uncomfortable or if anything is wrong, and when you tell him it’s a joke he gets so relieved. Don’t scare him like that again!
Ace Trappola whines incessantly. Anyone would be lucky to kiss him and you just dodged him! Like he was chopped liver! Is that what he is to you? Huh!? It’s hilarious because he will not SHUT UP until you give him Two (2) kisses to make up for the one he missed and the time he spent lamenting over it.
Savanaclaw
Leona Kingscholar narrows his eyes and stares at you. You pretend you don’t notice, continuing to walk inside your classroom that he’d so kindly walked you to. Except he doesn’t leave. “Herbivore.” Leona calls, and even though he didn’t touch you, you freeze. “You forgot something.”
Jack Howl assumes you’re not in the mood and shrugs it off. Well, that’s what it would seem like if you weren’t an expert in Jack Howl Communications. His ears are lowered and his tail isn’t wagging as much anymore, and you know it’s because he’s worried. The next time you see him, you cup his face and give him a kiss on the cheek, just to watch him perk up again.
Ruggie Bucchi’s ears flatten almost immediately. He immediately assumes he’s done something wrong and starts bringing you a bunch of snacks to make up for it. He’s laughing on the outside but dying on the inside. He will literally only touch you again when you initiate or until you tell him it’s a joke.
Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto wants to run away, and he almost does. The world crashes around him and his mind immediately runs to his octopot and all the mockery he faced and how you are the last person he wants to see him that way. You immediately notice that the small joke hurt his feelings in a way that you never wanted to hurt him, and grab his face to kiss him gently. “I’m sorry honey. You were going to miss.” you murmur as you pull away, rubbing circles on his cheek with your thumb, “Had to make sure you didn’t.”
Jade Leech pretends to be wounded. He refuses to accept any affection from you for the next five hours because you broke his heart so bad. Maybe next time you’ll think before you deny the eel the attention he rightfully deserves!! If you try anything, he’ll dodge it with a “oh, I’m sorry. I’m busy. Come back later.” JADE STOP.
Floyd Leech is another whiner. You dodge his kisses, he’ll pout and whine for hours. No amount of kisses you give him to make up for it will be enough. Ten, fifteen, twenty kisses, on his forehead, cheeks, or lips…won’t be enough. He will hold this over your head.
Scarabia
Kalim Al-Asim blue screens and tries to figure out what he did wrong. He apologizes quickly and asks if you want him to keep his distance from you today. He doesn’t phrase it in a dramatic way like some of the students on this list. Instead, his words are genuine and warm, with only your comfort in mind. He’s very observant so he’ll be able to tell if you really do want your space!
Jamil Viper rolls his eyes and goes about his day. He immediately assumes that you’re playing a prank on him, and he fully intends to do what you did to him but doubled. You lean in for a kiss the next day, he dodges it. You try to hold his hand, he moves it at the last second. Just apologize, he’s so petty.
Pomfiore
Vil Schoenheit narrows his eyes and stares at you. He doesn’t like playing your silly little games and will immediately ask if that's what you’re doing. No matter your response, he rolls his eyes and lets it go. If you want any of his affection, you’re going to have to initiate next time.
Rook Hunt doesn’t realize you’ve dodged until his lips don’t land on yours. He’s already closed his eyes when he stumbles a bit, his eyes flying open in surprise. You stand behind him with a mischievous little smile, and he immediately knows what you’re doing. He cries out some monologue about your cruelty before giving you a forehead kiss.
Epel Felmier narrows his eyes and refuses to give you kisses after that. His ego is hurt and you’re responsible! You’re going to need to promise to never do it again and give him a kiss to make up for it. How dare you make him out to be a fool!
Ignihyde
Idia Shroud wants to crawl into a hole and die. He finally gained the courage to kiss you goodbye for the second time this week, and you dodged him! That was so cringe he thinks he’s going to explode. He only feels a little bit better when you grab his face and kiss him twice - one on each cheek.
Diasomnia
Malleus Draconia is frozen, his eyes wide with surprise. You’ve always been receptive to his advances, and now that you’re not he doesn’t know what to do. Recovering quickly, he smirks and looks you dead in the eye. “I suppose you’re avoiding my affection today? Fine. I shall fulfill your wishes, Child of Man.”
Sebek Zigvolt jumps away, his face flaming red. He immediately starts yelling about how he wasn’t trying to give you a forehead kiss, he was just checking over your shoulder to make sure nobody was about to attack you! Cup his cheek and kiss his forehead - watch him get even redder.
Silver blinks slowly before nodding, telling you he understands and he hopes you have a good lesson. Assuming you want your distance, Silver doesn’t initiate any affection for the rest of the day unless you give him explicit permission.
Lilia Vanrouge follows your dodge and lands a kiss on you anyway. He laughs loudly at your surprise, booping you on the nose before practically bouncing off to his next class. If you want to give him a kiss, he’s going to dodge and stick his tongue out at you now.
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nebucat · 1 year
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👉👈,,
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eddiesxangel · 3 months
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The Kissing Booth | E.M x G!N!Reader
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Cw: flufffffff, mild angst on Eddie’s part. Smooching. Reader wears lipgloss. No use of pronouns.
Wc 1.4K
Eddie could not believe this was happening to him.
“Nope, nope, no way, man. Over my dead body-“
“What my boy means is he is grateful he is not being suspended and will graciously accept his punishment of volunteering at the school fair.” Wayne looks at his nephew with a glare in his eyes that Eddie hasn’t seen in a very long time.
“Great, then it’s settled,” Ms. Laughlin, the guidance councillor, smiles.
It was happening. Eddie was being served the most gruesome punishment, and all because he skipped P.E. of all classes.
Eddie Munson was being forced not only to participate in the school fair but to work the kissing booth, of all things.
How on earth would he survive this? Not only would he be the laughingstock of the school, but he would also have to endure the absolute embarrassment of having no one come up to his booth, and he would also have to be forced to participate in extracurricular activities.
“Just wait until Hellfire hears about this boy,” Wayne laughs as he drives him and Eddie back to the trailer.
All Eddie could do was roll his eyes; he could never show his face again.
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“You’re not going to believe the rumour I heard today.” Nancy looks at you from over her shoulder. She is sat at your vanity.
“What?” You asked, intrigued, as you got dressed and got ready for tonight’s festivities.
“A little birdy told me that a certain someone is working the kissing booth tonight.” She smirks.
“Who?” You challenge her back.
“Who, what?” Robin walks into the bedroom from the bathroom.
“Nancy knows who is working one of the kissing booths tonight, but who’s telling me” you pout.
“Ohhhhhhhh,” Robin smirks knowingly.
“Oh, not you, too! Come on, who is it!”
Robin and Nancy give one another a nod of the head before Nancy speaks.
“Eddie Munson.”
“Ha ha, very funny; you think I’m going to believe that? How gullible do you think I am?” You snort.
“No, it’s true! Shelly from the student council told me when we were working on the student paper! Instead of detention, this is his punishment, to help out at the fair tonight.” She wiggled her brows at you suggestively.
“Who else’s working it?” You try and ask casually.
Your friends knew about your crush on Eddie. It had been about a month since you confessed to one of your late-night sleepovers.
“Um, I’m not too sure what other guy, but I think Chrissy is working the girl's booth. Nancy shrugged.
“Cool…cool…” you turned to the closet, now faced with a sense of anxiety to find the perfect top.
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Eddie was actually dying on the inside. Ten minutes until his “shift” at the booth, and he wanted to book it.
Running away would solve his problems, right? He would much rather be suspended than have to endure this humiliation. This was a cruel and unusual punishment.
He watched from the sidelines as Josh was at the booth currently. He was the senior star quarterback on the football team. Everyone wanted him. He could just see now the long line disbursing once he stood there.
"Hey man, you're up next in 5." Eddie was snapped out of his internal monologue when he felt a hand resting on his shoulder. He wasn't sure how long he had been there stewing with his own thoughts. "Don't worry, it's not all bad. Some customers are cute," Josh smirks.
Oh god. What if he actually had to kiss someone tonight? He hadn’t thought of that option. Like, what if some actually came up? What would he do? Are they expecting tongue?
“You have some gum or something?” He asked quickly before Josh left.
He smirked and tossed him a pack of icy mint.
“Thanks.”
Eddie peaked around the corner to where the booth was set up. The fair was set up on the school football field. There was a small sign that said be back in 5 and no lineup to be seen.
That made Eddie feel a bit better; no one was there. That took some humility out of it.
Before Eddie could back out and run, he felt another hard hand on his shoulder.
“Come on, Munson, your time to shine.” Jeff and Gareth practically dragged Eddie to the booth, kicking and screaming.
“You’re the worst friends ever,” Eddie huffed as they backed away from the booth. Watching him so he won’t run away.
“You can't serve the time and shouldn’t do the crime.” Jeff laughed.
“That’s not-“ Eddie was cut off mid-sentence as he saw Robin and Nancy pushing you towards the booth just like he had been moments ago.
“Don’t make me do this,” you plead with your best friends.
“You have to do it,” “It’s now or never,” “He’s right there. Just have him your ticket and pucker your lisp. It’s not that hard,” Robin and Nancy whispered in your ear as they dragged you towards Eddie.
“You guys, please, I can’t!” You say a bit too loudly as you fight back your friends from pushing you up to the booth.
You can see the look on Eddie’s face as you are pushed up the step of the booth. He looks disappointed? Disgusted? You’re not too sure.
You let out an embarrassing squeal as you stumbled in front of Eddie. “Um hi”
Despite not being well-acquainted with Eddie, you couldn't help but notice him whenever he walked by. You only exchanged a few words in passing and learned about him through your friends. Although you never had the opportunity to spend time together, you found him to be irresistibly charming and incredibly good-looking. Whenever you caught a glimpse of him in the cafeteria, he never failed to bring a smile to your face with his silly antics and infectious laughter.
“Uh hey,” he spoke back, clearly uncomfortable.
“Busy night for you?” You ask, trying to delay the inevitable.
“Uh nope.”
“Good,” you smile; the thought of Eddie kissing anyone else made you want to vomit.
“Good?” He cocks a brow at you. “The thought of nobody wanting to come up to the freak of Hawkins High is good to you?”
“Oh I didn’t mean it like-“
“Why are you even here?”
“Oh- well- I um-"
“No, I get it. You’re just here on a dare, or you lost the bet, right? I really thought better of Nancy and Robin; I thought they were my friends… You know I heard you say you can’t do this. I understand the thought of kissing me is so terrible that-“
You couldn't help but cut off Eddei from his intrusive thoughts. You held his face with both hands and smushed your lips together. The thought of Eddie thinking that about you was far worse than the fear of kissing him.
It wasn't everything you had dreamed of. However, the kiss was still nice. You felt the eruption of butterflies fill your stomach as Eddie deepened this kiss himself. You kissed him until you could no longer breathe. Only then is when you pull away.
“Woah”
“I hope that was okay.” You shy away.
“Yeah.” Eddie sighed as he took you in.
As he gazed upon you, he was struck by how pretty you were, which he had overlooked until now. The sweet aroma of strawberries wafted from you as the strawberry lipgloss lingered on his lips, just below his nose.
“Um, here,” you jut out your hand with the crinkled ticket you hadn't yet paid with.
“Oh no, no, the house,” Eddie said without thinking and that made you giggle.
“Well, I really only bought a ticket for this, so I might as well cash it in.” you flirt.
“Ok, yeah, sure. Two for one.” Eddie took the ticket from your hand and brought it back to cup your cheek before kissing you again.
You could hear the giggles and cheers of your friends from behind you in the distance, but your main focus was on Eddie. His soft, plush lips. His minty taste, the way his soft hair tickled your cheeks.
“Ok, lovebirds, that’s enough.” the supervising teacher returned with an unimpressed huff.
You begrudgingly pulled away, but with a smile nonetheless.
“Can I get your number?” Eddie’s mouth was moving before his brain could catch up.
“Come find us later, lover boy.” Robin giggled while snatching your arm and pulled you away before you could answer.
“Dude!” Gareth clapped his hands, having witnessed the whole thing.
“Maybe we should sign up for this,” Jeff laughed. A little jealous of what he just witnessed.
After you, Eddie didn’t care if he got another customer for the rest of the night. Maybe this whole kissing booth thing wasn’t too bad after all.
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alastorss · 2 months
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Hi!!! I'm currently absolutely DYING of sickness, and i was wondering if i could request smth with alastor with a sick reader since im stuck in bed til further notice and very sad lolsies anyways, i hope you have a good day!!<3
a/n: hii my love!! i hope you have a speedy recovery and feel better soon <3333
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
Had he known you would have turned out so miserable, Alastor would have just given you his damn jacket whether you liked it or not.
Instead he's stuck babysitting; watching your fever, making sure you're drinking enough water; even keeping the time between your medications.
He had, of course, offered you his coat after he saw you coming out of the club with Angel Dust with clothes not suited for the chilly night. And you, stubborn as ever, refused it saying it would be too embarrassing to risk ending up in the newsletter.
"Imagine the headlines! You know Vox is always watching!" You had argued when he held out his coat for you to take. He could only smile indignantly at you.
Thinking back, he probably should have used a more authoritative tone. Then again, he would rather claw his eyes out than give you the idea that he cares about you.
He has no time to regret his decisions anymore, now busy with making sure you don't get worse with what little medicine there is in Hell.
"Your congestion sounds just terrible, my dear!"
You scowl at him from your place. "Gee, thanks."
"You really should take better care of yourself. Parading around in such thin clothes all night? You were bound to get sick eventually!"
"Like I need you telling me what to do," you grumble.
"I am just saying," he shrugs. "I do hate to see you so unwell."
You perk up a little, curiously looking at him as he perches on the end of the bed. "You do?"
He bites the inside of his cheek at the little glimmer in your eyes. You're not in the right headspace at the moment. It would be wrong to think you're looking at him so hopefully for any real reason.
"Don't push it," he laughs, scooting closer to you on the bed to feel your forehead.
You owlishly blink at him while he gauges your temperature with a little jazz tune in his throat. "What's your verdict, doctor?"
He grins down at you, a warmth behind it. "Bedrest would do you some good."
You frown, fluffing the blanket and diving beneath it. "Easier said than done when it's so damn cold."
Alastor regards you for a moment, watching you shiver. No, he really shouldn't let such a sight tug at his heartstrings. But his hands are moving faster than he can think, and his coat is slipping off his shoulders before he knows what he's doing.
You get engulfed by his coat, already warm from his body.
"You should get some rest," he tells you, voice missing its usual cheer. Gathering his staff, he gets ready to leave you be.
"Wait, Alastor!" The demon raises a brow at you as you hug his jacket around you, smiling all the while. He feels disgustingly warm and fuzzy inside at how content you seem.
This is correct, he thinks. His jacket slung over you—this is how it should have been all this time.
"Thank you."
He reaches down to tug at the collar, pulling it tight around you. "Just recover quickly so I can stop babysitting," he mumbles with a growing smile.
~
taglist: @the-lake-is-calling @dragons-and-dwarves-are-nice @averylonelysea @bri22222 @cxrsedwxrlds @amarokofficial @anae-naea-zacheria @for-hearthand-home @fantasy-is-best @angixyc @th3-st4r-gur1 @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it (send an ask to be added!)
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thekissofaphrodite · 4 months
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Angel Eyes
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Luke Castellan X Daughter of Aphrodite!Reader
Summary: Look into his angel eyes, You'll think you're in paradise, and one day, you'll find out he wears a disguise. Don't look too deep into those angel eyes.
Warnings: Explicit scenes *smirks*, angst (Remind me if I missed one!)
Author's note: I was listening to ABBA and realized that Angel Eyes describes Luke PERFECTLY. When Yk yk.
——
You laid on top of Luke's bare chest, still panting heavily, He pressed his nose to your hair and inhaled your scent. His muscular arms wrapped around your breasts.
"Do you love me?"
Luke immediately laughed, His throat bobbing as his laughter echoed through his empty cabin.
"Is that even a question? Of course I do, " He said, His eyes looking deeply at yours, carefully analyzing your reaction.
You didn't answer. Instead, you got up and pulled his blanket to cover your bare chest while trying to search for your clothes.
Luke immediately sensed something was wrong, He sat up and leaned against the headboard, Carefully watching you as you put on your pink bra.
"You're Upset" He said.
"Am I?" You asked sarcastically, You remembered the prophecy perfectly.
Someone who you deeply love lies, manipulating one until your own eyes sees the bright blue skies.
Someone you deeply love.
The oracle felt like it was pointing at Luke, the love of your life. The one who saved you when you were a mess. The one who kissed you every night, The one who wiped your tears when you were crying. The one who held your hand when you were scared.
It's impossible.
He wouldn't do that.
Not Him.
Not Luke.
As soon as you're fully clothed. You looked into his eyes, Searching for any signs of betrayal you might suffer, But instead, He winked and kissed your cheeks before you left.
——
He betrayed you, He really did.
He wasn't Luke anymore, He was now Kronos.
You laid beneath the road. The sun hitting your face as you stared at skies, Rethinking your choices.
You're fatally wounded after ethan nakamura shot you with a deadly arrow, The poison spread slowly inside your body, making you weak. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you thought his name all over again.
Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke
As if tho his name was a prayer, You were dying. You were about to lose a life, A life you had future plans, a life that you deeply deserve.
Then, You saw someone towering over you, It was Luke, with a scythe in hand, His scar was still on his face, Ever so beautiful. You tried to say his name but was greeted with a pool of blood choking you as soon as you opened your mouth.
"Shh...There there now..." Luke, Or should I say Kronos caressed your hair as you started gasping for hair, Indicating that the poison had spread now.
"Sleep well darling" He whispered as he planted a kiss on your forehead.
You then closed your eyes and stopped struggling, You were now free, The last thing you saw was the blue skies and Luke's angel eyes as Thanatos' silhouette appeared behind you.
A/N: THE BETRAYAL?!?!? I HAVEN'T READ THE BOOKS BUT I KNEW LUKE WAS A TRAITOR. HOW DID I DO?! IM NOT GOOD AT ANGST SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF THIS IS A SHORT ONE 😔😔
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bluesidez · 1 month
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The Love Lab presents:
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Boyfriend is to Husband
pairing: Miguel O’Hara x gn!Reader
summary: How would Miguel react if you did the “calling my bf my husband” trend? 🤔
content warning: It gets a little suggestive, but other than that, it’s fluff fluff fluff. There are short mentions of food, but nothing too crazy. The Miguel in here is also not Spiderman. Just a little guy.
credit for art and dividers: Me! and @kimjiho1 (plus another person for the gif divider, if this is yours, lmk!)
a/n: This will be apart of a series called The Trendy Couple! This is the first installment ☝🏾😌. I’m not sure how long the series will be, but right now it’s just based off of cute couple's trends. My fyp has suffered trying to do research for this…
word count: 2.2k
I use the word "buggy" in here. Buggy = shopping cart or trolley. I'm southern so buggy just rolls off the tongue. ❤︎ Plus, it sounds cute!
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You and Miguel have been out since 8 am running errands and grabbing supplies to fill up the new apartment. 
After a year of your dresser being full of his sweatpants and hoodies and his furniture hosting several of your blankets, his fridge being stocked of your favorite fruits and your shower caddy holding his body care, you both decided it was best to live together. 
Towel sets, bed sheets, comforters, silverware, curtains. This was only the tip of what you and Miguel had managed to stuff inside the car.
After hitting five shops just that morning, you opted to stay in the car while Miguel went and handled a pickup order from the hardware store. It was getting closer to lunchtime and you didn’t want to become irritable because of the long lines. 
To pass the time, you decided to scroll on TikTok, watching video after video, reacting to each accordingly. 
First, it was chatty kitties begging for food. Then, it was edits of hot wrestlers. Next, it was ramen recipes to cook at 2am. There were even a couple of NPC lives even though the trend was nearly dying at this point. 
Finally, you scrolled to a video hosting a girl and her boyfriend huddled together in a car over the console.
She’s leaned up against him, her smile beaming, “Today I’m going to be guessing my husband’s favorite things!”
“I’m not your husband,” are the words that shoot from her boyfriend’s mouth, fast as lightning. Cold. Unkind. Callous. 
You watch as the girl’s smile drops and the video cuts, her laughing out of shock beforehand, evidence of her trying to stamp out her embarrassment. 
You watch more as his grin widens and she gives him this awkward glance. 
“Not yet,” he adds, seeing how quiet she was. 
The video ends with her jumping at him playfully, trying to play the situation of. 
“Jesus,” you sigh, mouth turned sideways as you pause the video and open up the comments. Thousands of people were telling her to dump him, others questioning why he would say what he said in the way that he did. 
Your heart went out to the girl who clearly wanted to do a harmless joke that completely backfired. 
You liked a comment about this being a possible red flag. Although he could have responded that way because he wasn’t ready for marriage, his response was so quick and distant that it was like he was disgusted at the possibility of being with her that long. 
After working yourself up by scrolling through the comments, you decide to go even further by pressing the “calling my boyfriend ‘husband’” search at the top. 
There were so many stitches to the original video with people giving their own thoughts about the situation. Some people were proclaimed dating coaches, others psychologists, and a few influencers. 
You even see a follow up video from the original couple with the guy giving a shitty excuse as to why he was so quick in his response. 
“Yeah right,” you mumble, watching the girl snicker at her boyfriend’s pouts. You agree with the comments that his response makes the original video even worse. 
Still scrolling down, you find another video featuring a new couple. 
They’re at a table eating donut holes out of a hat, and when the girl calls her boyfriend “husband”, the guy’s entire body lights up. He’s grinning, cheeks rosy, and can’t stop staring back at his girlfriend. 
From there, you were able to see countless other couples with cute videos, all of the guys radiating at the word “husband.”
Biting your lip, you wondered how Miguel would react if you called him your husband. 
You loved him with all of your heart and you were sure that he loved you. You guys are literally moving into an apartment together. But the thought of him being unsettled by you calling him your husband weighed on you. 
Just as you were deep in your thoughts, you heard a knock near the trunk of the car startling you. Looking up in the rearview mirror, you see Miguel standing with a few bags and wood planks in his hands. You reach over and press a button to pop open the trunk. 
“Got everything?” you ask, turning to watch as he drops items in the back. 
“Yeah, I think so. Although there was almost a brawl over some potted plants,” he said. “Some older lady just came up to this guy and snatched his monsteras.” 
“What?” you respond, watching as he closed the trunk and walked around to the driver's seat. “Out of his hands or the buggy?”
Miguel laughed, both recalling the scene and finding your terms adorable. “She just came up and snatched it out of the cart while he was waiting at the end of the line. She swore that she saw it first.”
You listened to him retell the story, hand under your chin as you leaned closer. He was cute, lilt in his voice to make an impression of the plant thief. Thinking to yourself that you liked this little moment of playfulness, you take your phone out to record. 
Placing your phone in a case attached to the dashboard, you smile at the camera while Miguel’s still going. 
“‘You youngins think the world owes you everything, and that’s just not the case!’ And the poor guy is standing there going ‘ma’am, I just want my plant back.’ He looked so distressed.”
“I would be too! A random lady just shopped from my buggy. It’s like, why are you this close to me to see what I’m trying to buy?”
Miguel turns the car on and buckles up. “It started to escalate when the lady’s friend came over. Then there were two shrill voices fussing at this guy.”
He started to back the car out of the parking spot, hand behind your seat and head turned towards the back window. 
You slowly glanced at his arm, eyes tracing a vein up his shirt. 
Too bad you were in a car right now or else you’d let his arm wrap around you elsewhere. 
You tune back into his words, silently scolding yourself for letting something so simple get you to fold. 
“Luckily, I was able to calm them both down. All it took was me showing them some dasheen leaves,” he said, driving the car closer to the exit of the parking lot. 
You came to a conclusion. There was no better time than the present. 
“Aw, look at my husband. Saving the day with his genius,” you say, hand reaching out to pat his chest. 
Then you feel your body jerk to the right. The seat belt tightens as the car jerkingly swerves in between two parking spaces. 
You stare in a panic at Miguel who puts the car in park and turns his entire body towards you. 
“What did you just call me?” he asks, eyes searching yours, a little startled but mostly hopeful. 
You decide to keep the charades going, “I was just praising my husband for stopping the creation of another Karen video. Why did you turn the car like that?” You’re still looking at him as if he has two heads. 
“You just-!” Miguel takes your hands into his and places his forehead on his fists. “Baby, you know what you just said.” 
You laugh, a little giddy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Miguel leans back against his seat and closes his eyes, reaching down to take his seatbelt off. His eyebrows scrunch up as he brings your hand to his chest, “Feel my heartbeat.”
Your mouth drops as you feel his heart rattling against his chest. He really wasn’t being dramatic. 
“Baby look at me,” you grab his hands and hold them tight. “You did a good job today.”
His breath stopped, as he looked at you. His face was tinted from the whole fiasco. 
“Husband.”
Miguel’s entire body slumped as he grinned wide. He nearly jumped over the console to sag his body onto yours. 
His shoulders were shaking and you heard his laugh muffled by your shoulder. You wrap your arms around him and make a face at the camera. 
“What’s up, Mig?” you say, trying to get him to talk. 
He mumbled into your clothes, shoulders still shaking. 
“I can’t hear you, you gotta sit up.”
He sits up and sniffles, turning his head toward the backseat. 
Looking at his profile you can see a few streaks down his face. 
“Are you crying?” you ask, turning his face towards yours. 
Miguel swipes his wrist across his cheeks, “Stop, this is extremely embarrassing.”
“No, it’s not! I promise it’s not,” you say, rubbing your thumb across his ear. “Talk to me.”
He chuckled, eyes looking down, “It just feels really good to know that you think of me that way. We don’t have to ever cross that line, but one day, if you would like, we can make that title true.”
“Is this a pre-proposal?” you ask, heartbeat in your ears. You went out on a limb to follow a trend, not knowing how it would end. Now you’re staring at Miguel’s flushed face with his heart pouring out into your lap. 
“Maybe,” he whispered, grabbing your hands. “Possibly a promise for what could be.”
You bite your lip to hold back a grin, “Can I know what could be right now?”
“And expose my plans? Not a chance,” Miguel smirked. “Besides, a husband knows what’s best for his partner, right?”
“He does,” you quip, rubbing your hand in a circle on his chest. “He also apparently forgets that SUVs can flip very easily.”
“Lo siento, mi amor,” he says, looking sheepishly at the placement of the car. “Did I startle you?”
You just giggle at his concern and give him a quick peck on the mouth. “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that big of a reaction.”
“How would you react if I casually called you forever mine? While driving!”
“Go 90 in a 70,” you joke. “Maybe pull over and do a little more than make out.” You rub your hand down his chest, and squeeze playfully at his pec. 
Miguel stared back at you, body instantly reacting to the shift in conversation. “We can actually do that right now.”
He leaned forward and brought your lips to his. You could taste the mint from the gum he had earlier, humming when he pushed further into your mouth. 
He started to reach for your hips, ready to pull you over onto his lap. 
Your stomach let out a loud grumble, making you jump. 
“Ok, let’s try this again after we get you some food,” Miguel says, plastering kisses on your face. 
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The day moves on smoothly with Miguel not letting you out of his sight, hands itching to hold you in some way. 
He also never lets the husband thing go. 
As you’re ordering lunch, “One lemonade for my baby. And a water with lemon for me, the husband.”
As you stop in a clothing store at the mall for a small break, “These say boyfriend jeans. Do they have any husband jeans?”
As you’re trying to reach the top shelf to grab the last of your favorite detergent, “No, cariño. Let your husband get it for you.”
As you’re looking for throw pillows and towel sets for the apartment, “You think they have a couple’s set? I want something that says ‘Mr.’ on it.”
As you stop at a gift store, looking for something extra to give to the movers, “Look, this shirt says it’s made of ‘hubby material.’ Should I get it?”
This feeling is only amplified when you post his initial reaction online. The comments were full of people yearning to be in your predicament. 
“If my boyfriend doesn’t crash the car when I call him husband, THROW HIM AWAY. 😒”
“Does he have a brother….asking for a friend”
“I needed this after the “I’m not your husband” he in LOVE”
“If your bf doesn’t cry at the thought of you, what are you doing”
“He was blushing HARRRRD 😭😭😭”
“So when’s the wedding? 🤨”
“He was literally cheesing and crying omg”
“Get you a man that stops the car to declare his love”
“What if I did a five mile marathon on i-55”
“He’s so in love with you that it’s palpable”
“He was ready do a lot more than make out 😭”
Miguel saw most things, a little embarrassed but mostly happy that so many people found him to be genuine. 
You laid on his shoulder as he checked the comments, liking the funny ones as they passed by.
“Do you want to make a response video?” you say, liking a comment going ‘he’s a good man, Savannah.’
“No, I think this is enough,” he replies, handing the phone back to you. “Let me keep a little mystery. At least until I actually propose, of course.”
You looked at him with stars in your eyes.
“A mysterious husband. I kind of like the sound of that,” you say, wrapping your body around his side. “Maybe I can be nosy, find out his secrets.”
“I bet you would, cariño,” he voiced, nuzzling his chin on top of your head. “After, everything is planned and done.”
You laughed and snuggled closer, happy to be with him.
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Once again, I hope you enjoyed reading! ❣️
Any likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated and welcomed.
I'm excited for the future of this series and I hope you guys are too. When I finish the series masterlist, I'll link it here. If you guys have any trends that you want me to include, then just let me know and I'll see what I can do!
- Lauro ♡
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ellecdc · 12 days
Text
Our Baby Has Four Feet?
poly!moonwater x pregnant!reader who find out they're having twins
CW: pregnancy, ultrasounds etc. I didn’t see either of the boys recovering from this advance the twins had on them - but I’m still dying that we could not decide who we’d prefer to be the bio dad hahahaha
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This was the second moment in your pregnancy that you were convinced that Wizardingkind’s claim at being further advanced than muggles was completely unfounded. A simple charm cast on you at St. Mungo’s confirmed that you were, indeed, pregnant. But it was a muggle blood test at a walk-in clinic that told you how far along you were.
So, when Lily told you, Remus, and Regulus that she went to a muggle OBGYN for ultrasounds during her pregnancy with Harry, the boys were obsessed with the idea of getting to see the little life growing inside of you.
You found a clinic that was was understanding of your…unique lifestyle, and sat in a small room waiting for the doctor after being checked in by a nurse. 
“Regulus, please stop pacing.” You said quietly, repositioning yourself on the uncomfortable medical bed and wincing when the paper tore beneath you.
“Sorry.” He mumbled quickly as he sat down on one of the chairs, trapping his hands underneath him as if that would help his nervous fidgeting. 
“It’s going to be fine, bubs. This is standard; my mum had one done when she was pregnant with me.” Remus placated.
“Okay…okay, so it’s not invasive?”
You laughed. “Reggie, nothing happens. They just touch a camera to my belly and it shows what’s inside.”
Regulus blanched at that. “Will the baby feel it?”
Neither you nor Remus got to answer (or laugh at him) when the door opened and a Doctor wearing a bright smile entered the room. 
“Hello! You must be our mama?” She asked as she extended a hand to you, carrying on at your nod in affirmation. 
“My name is Doctor Bozelli. So, we’re here for an ultrasound?”
You nodded and looked towards Remus. “We’re about 19 weeks along now. This is our first ultrasound and our first pregnancy so we’re all a little new at this.” He explained to the doctor
“Well mazel tov! Alright; and are we finding out the sex of the baby?”
“I am, they won’t be.” You answered, causing the doctor’s face to spread into a cheeky smile.
“Okay, dads are leaving it as a surprise, got it. Okay mama, lean back for me and raise your top.”
You did as instructed as the doctor sanitized her hands and donned a pair of medical gloves.
“Alright, I’m just going to pull these down a little lower and tuck a sheet in so we don’t get gel on your trousers.”
You had no time to feel self conscious at so much of your midsection showing with an audience of three before the doctor was shaking a bottle of ultrasound gel.
“Now, this is going to feel cold, okay?” She said as she hovered it over your stomach.
“It’s not going to hurt her, is it?” Regulus asked hastily, earning him a none-too-gentle elbow in the side from Remus. 
“Ignore him; I do.” You offered the doctor, voice coloured in embarrassment. 
“Everything is perfectly safe, dad.” She placated as she spread the - sure enough - cold gel over your stomach and placed the doppler over the area. 
The room was quiet as the doctor searched for…well, you supposed the baby, though there really wasn’t anywhere for them to hide.
“This is your first ultrasound you said?” The doctor queried, causing Regulus to stand up quickly. 
“Yes.” You offered at the same time as Regulus barked “what’s wrong?”
The doctor chuckled before she responded. “Nothing’s wrong dad. Look.” 
She turned the screen towards the three of you and both boys learned further overtop of you to get a better look. 
“I….I’m so sorry but what are we supposed to be looking at?” Remus said; braver than you and Reg to admit you had no idea what was going on.
“See here?” The doctor said as she pointed to two little blobs that you could almost feel pushing into your stomach. “These are a pair of feet.”
The doctor was interrupted by the sound of Remus ‘awe’-ing before she continued.
“And these here are another pair.”
The room fell painfully silent as the three of you stared at the monitor.
“Our baby has four feet?” Regulus breathed out in disbelief. 
The doctor chuckled as she moved the doppler slightly and pointed out something else on the screen. “Well, seeing as there are two heartbeats; I’d reckon it’s less that one baby has four feet and more that there are two babies.”
“Two heartbeats?” Remus breathed out.
“One of them’s mine, right?” You asked nervously. 
The teasing that the doctor’s face had when speaking with Regulus and Remus fell into a more serious expression as she smiled at you. “No, mum. We wouldn’t see the fluttering of your pulse down here.”
The room stayed silent as the doctor moved the camera over your stomach; snapping screenshots every so often as she went. 
“Twins?” 
The doctor hummed in confirmation at Remus’ question as she took a few more pictures.
“One appears to be smaller than the other though, which would suggest they were not conceived at the same time.”
Regulus choked on air as he began pacing again. “Can’t one just be smaller than the other?” He asked; his voice taking on an almost shrill quality. 
“Not when the size difference is this dramatic, no. One of the twins is younger, I’d say by perhaps two weeks”
“Shut up.” You barked, causing all three heads to turn in your direction.
“Dove, it-”
“Shut up. No, one of the heartbeat’s is mine.”
“Amour, try to take some deep breaths, yeah?” Reg tried as he put a gentle hand on your ankle.
You kicked at him. 
“Don’t touch me. Did Sirius put you up to this?” You asked the doctor severely.
“S…Serious?”
“My brother; he’s a prankster.” Regulus explained at the doctors confusion. 
“No mama, this isn’t a prank. It’s called superfetation; though rare, your body can release two or more eggs during the same menstrual cycle, which can then be fertilized at different points.” She explained as if she were reciting notes from her medical student’s textbook. 
You stared unseeingly at the monitor that displayed not one, but two of your future children as Remus and Regulus continued asking questions.
“Are both of them healthy?” Regulus asked first, to which the doctor agreed quickly. 
“The younger one seems to be developing normally; their sibling hasn’t been strong-holding them for space or nutrients.”
“What can we expect from this type of pregnancy?” Remus asked.
“Does this increase certain risks for mum or babies?” Regulus added. 
“Oh, Merlin.” You breathed quietly, covering your face with your hands.
Remus’ hand was quickly on your shoulder, and whatever had compelled you to kick out at Regulus before was long gone as you turned towards Remus; his hand feeling like a grounding point keeping you from floating off into oblivion. 
“I’ll give you guys a few moments, okay?” The doctor asked quietly and excused herself after passing you some paper towel for the gel on your stomach. 
You let out an embarrassing hiccup as you pulled the cloth from your trousers, but Regulus’ hands were quickly taking over the task for you.
Remus had one hand on your shoulder and the other cradling your head as his thumb strokes at the baby hairs near your temple, allowing you to silently cry. 
Unfortunately, the gentle and loving way Regulus cleaned your stomach and righted your clothing only made you cry harder.
“Come on, sit up dove.” Remus encouraged as he pulled you up by your arms. 
Once you were sat upright, he was crouching down in front of you as Regulus moved behind you, wrapping his arms around your midsection - hands landing protectively over your growing stomach - as he rested his chin on your shoulder.
“That was quite the news, huh?” Remus asked quietly as he drew circles with his thumb on your thigh.
You nodded your head yes as new tears fell. 
“But sweetheart, you’ve grown two healthy babies and you didn’t even know it. You’re doing a wonderful job.” Regulus insisted, voice muffled as he pressed his lips into your jaw. 
“I know this is more than we bargained for, but I think we can manage between the three of us, yeah?” Remus offered, causing Regulus to scoff.
“Please, we won’t be able to keep their aunts and uncles away.”
You chuckled wetly at that as you wiped at your face. “Can we not tell them?”
“Tell who what, amour?”
“I don’t want to tell anyone it’s twins; let’s just surprise them.”
Regulus scoffed as Remus let out a boisterous laugh. “Absolutely mischievous dove, I love it. This is the best prank the Marauders will never see coming.”
“It would be nice to see my brother struck dumb.” Regulus mused.
“Then it’s settled.” Remus murmured, pressing his ear to your stomach. “Our babies will be born pranksters.”
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