#I don’t know how to fun cause I'm afraid of everything and will die alone but I genuinely care about him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kitsu-katsu · 3 years

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About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

#tw self harm mention #tw suicide mention #wilbur #wilbur soot #c!wilbur #wilbur dsmp #revived #revivedbur #alivebur #revived wilbur #derivakat revived #fandom critical #dsmp #dream smp #analysis #c!wilbur analysis

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saeyoungchoismaid · 4 years

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#48 w/ Mammon

Pairing: Mammon x gn!reader Genre: angst, fluff, vague smut Warnings: smut but it doesn’t go into detail Summary: after being with Mammon for so long and watching him go back to his old ways, you decide that you don’t want to be with him anymore Prompt #48: “I love you more than I love {item/thing}, and that’s saying a lot.”

You watch Mammon go with a frown, seeing him count the cash in his hands that's he's going to put in his account. So, he can use Goldie. You sigh once he's gone, burrowing under his blankets.

You just don't understand. When you both started dating, he was all about you. Lucifer’s-trying-to-kill-him who? Grimm who? Gambling who? His mind was filled with you and you alone.

So, what changed?

Now, all he thinks about is money, which you thought you'd never have to witness again. Sure, as the avatar of greed, he can't help it. But since dating you, that addiction to money has lessened significantly.

But here you are, lying in bed alone as Mammon leaves to go make more money. He does this every day all day, not spending a lick of time with you except for when he comes home to go to sleep, where you're waiting for him in his bed.

But then, instead of greeting you with a sweet kiss that warms you up inside, he'll just start talking about how much money he made that day. You aren't really sure how he's going about making money and you don't really want to know, nor do you really care.

After a couple of weeks of this though, you can't do it anymore. You've kissed the man maybe ten times within the last week. You need your kisses.

That night, you sleep in your own bed, finding it incredibly uncomfortable since you’ve grown so used to his luscious sheets and soft mattress.

You miss wrapping all four of your limbs around him, snuggling your face in his chest or neck. You miss his face being pressed to your head, kissing it and whispering sweet nothings to you until you fall asleep.

Before you can stop yourself, you're crying. You just want your boyfriend back. Your dork of a boyfriend who gets jealous so easily and needs one hundred kisses to be reassured that you only love him. Your boyfriend that would hold your hand under the table during meals. Your boyfriend who’ll constantly tell you just how much he loves you.

When he comes home, he's excited to see you and tell you how much money he's made. He walks into his room with a grin, looking to the bed to see your beautiful face. He pauses halfway through the door when you and your beautiful face aren't there, his brows furrowing as he begins to worry.

He walks to the closest bathroom, hoping you were just in there taking a shower or getting ready for bed. He starts to panic when you aren't in there either, his heart starting to race. His legs move before he can even process what's happening, his two limbs bringing him to your room.

He pants from how fast he ran to get here, staring at your door with fear for a long moment. What happens if you're not in there? What if you're in one of his brothers' rooms? What if you’re out in the dark Devildom and you’re in danger?

Before he can ponder anymore, he gently knocks on the door, holding his breath as he hopes that you're inside. "Go away," he hears, the reply shaky and harsh. He frowns as he turns the handle, glad it's unlocked.

"Baby? Why are ya ‘n here?" he says softly as he peeks his head in, frowning more when he sees you curled up on your bed with your back to him.

"Baby," he tries again, voice even softer.

He then hears a sniffle and all his worries amplify by three hundred. "Baby, are ya crying? What's wrong, baby?" When you don't immediately reply, he tries to fill in the blanks. "Are ya hurt? Did my brothers say somethin’ to ya? Do I needa go fight someone? Cause I will. I might lose but I'll-"

"Shut up," you snap, your voice thick with emotion. His eyes widen as his mouth snaps closed. He stays quiet, waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. When you don't, his worries grow even more.

"Darlin’," he whispers, fingers lightly brushing your back to try and soothe you.

"Don't touch me!" you shout, suddenly sitting up straight. He removes his hand from you quickly, faster than he would've if he was burned. He stares at you, hurt flashing through his eyes.

"I..." he trails off, trying to find the right words to say. "I don't understand. Let me help ya. Just talk to me, love. What's wrong?" he says quietly, wondering if that'll set you off again.

Your eyes flash to his and his heart absolutely breaks at the sight. Your eyes are red and swollen, making him wonder just how long you've been crying. Why didn't you call him? You should know that he'd drop everything to be by your side. So, why didn't you contact him?

"I want to break up," you croak out before clearing your throat, wiping at your wet face. "I want to break up," you try again. His eyes are the size of saucers, his jaw dropping to your bed.

He then starts to laugh it off, shaking his head. "Funny. No, seriously, babe. What's wrong?"

"Stop calling me that! I just told you! I want to break up! You're what’s wrong!" you shout, your face puffy from crying.

You see his heart shatter from the expression on his face, almost making you want to take it back. But you can't. You have to end this. You won't be happy if you continue to live like this.

Almost instantly, his eyes start to water. He doesn’t understand. He voices this to you. "I don't understand. Why? What did I do wrong? Lemme fix it," he stutters out, his throat starting to get tight as he tries to stop from crying.

You shake your head, looking away from him. Every time he cries, you cry. You can't cry in front of him, you have to stay strong. "Baby, please! Lemme fix this! I dunno what I did wrong bu-"

You caught him off with a sharp, cruel laugh, it not being the beautiful laugh that he's used to. "You don't know what you did wrong? It's so obvious."

The gears in his head are turning wildly, his brain working on multiple things at once. What did he do wrong? Do you really want to break up? How can he make it up to you? How can he get you to stay with him? Is this some sort of cruel joke?

God, he prays it's a cruel joke, as ironic as it is. He'd rather have everyone pop up from their hiding spots with cameras pointed at him and make fun of him while laughing. And then you'd smile that blinding smile of yours and tell him you're sorry, that his brothers made you.

But none of that happens. You just stare at him with a cold look, waiting for him to agree to break up and leave so you can cry until you have no more tears to shed. He doesn't do that though. He just stares right back at you, crying his eyes out.

"'m sorry that I dunno what I did wrong! 'm sorry for whatever I did! Just lemme make it up to ya! Tell me what I did and I'll never do it again!" he promises. He can't lose you. He might actually wither away to nothing if you do. What's he supposed to do? Go back to living hundreds of years without love other than his obsession with money?

He doesn't want that.

He wants you.

You scoff at him, looking away from him again before you start crying again. "I'm sick of being second. To money, of all things. You aren't going to change. You're the avatar of greed, so I understand. You can't help it. I'm not mad at you for it. I just want us to be over, my suffering to be over," you reply softly, cursing yourself for going soft. You just had to look at his crying face.

His crying pauses momentarily, shock taking over his sadness. That's what you're upset with him about? He starts to laugh, relief taking over his entire being.

Your eyes widen and move back to him. You can't lie, you're a little freaked out. Why in the world is he laughing now of all times?

You sigh, ready to tell him it's over and to get out when he grabs your hand. Your words die in your throat, your eyes moving from his face to your conjoined hands. You always grow weak when he touches you, you can’t help it.

"’u're so stupid. I'm so stupid. We're so stupid. But we'll be stupid together." You gape at him a bit, having trouble believing that he would call you stupid right now.

"Excuse m-"

"Baby, the money is for you. I've been workin’ so hard to get this money for ya," he whispers, his eyes shiny from the tears that were falling from them only seconds ago. You gape at him once more, trying to wrap your head around what he's saying to you.

"What?" you whisper softly, afraid if you spoke any louder, your voice would break. He laughs and suddenly pulls you into a hug, your eyes growing in size at the affection.

He laughs brightly, practically squeezing the life out of you. "I love ya so much. I love ya more than I love any of the money I could ever have, and that’s saying a lot. The money is for ya. I didn't want to tell ya cause I wanted it to be a surprise but I'm savin’ all this money for ya. Way to ruin the surprise. And don’t even ask me what the money is for cause part of the surprise is already ruined," he says lightly, teasing you at the end.

You gently push him away with watery eyes, your mouth hanging open. Before you can stop yourself, you start to sob. You can't even speak from how hard you're crying. His eyes grow wide again, watching you plummet into his chest to cry there.

"Hey! Woah! You should be happy! Why in Hades are ya crying?" he shouts, his hands coming to soothingly rub your back. You cry for a couple of minutes, just wanting to be in his arms. He doesn’t mind holding you, moving to where he's laying on his back and you're on top of him.

You pull away with a gasp of air after letting out a big sob, looking at him with bright red eyes. "You moron! I didn't know what you were doing! I just missed you constantly and I had this giant ache in my chest! You're so stupid!" you wail between shaky sobs and the hiccuping gasps for air that you can't help from how hard you’re crying.

He smiles up at you, tucking your hair behind your ear so it's not hanging in front of, or on, your wet face. "Shh, baby. I need ya to calm down first. Take some deep breaths for me, ‘kay? There ya go. I want to see my beautiful baby smile nice ‘n pretty for me."

You take some deep breaths, your chest getting lighter with each breath. Once you've calmed down, you give him a small, watery smile. He grins, cupping your cheeks with his cool hands.

"There it is! There's that smile! Oh jeez, I think I just fell ‘n love all over again! What the heck am I s’pposed to do now?" he says loudly, wanting the whole Devildom to hear about his love for you.

You giggle and try to cover his mouth, making him violently shake his head to try and get your hands off enough for him to speak. "Ya can't keep me quiet! I love (Y/n) and there's nothin’ anyone can do about it!" he screams at the top of his lungs.

You squeal with laughter, trying to get him to shut up. You eventually do the only thing you can think of that will successfully shut him up.

You push your lips to his, his head instantly stilling. He smiles into the kiss, your chest the lightest it's ever been. His hands curl around your back, sliding under your shirt to smooth over the bare skin of your back. You hum into the kiss, your chest growing fuzzy when one of his hands finds yours to hold.

He pulls away when his hand successfully finds yours, smiling lovingly up at you. "'u're so beautiful. I love ya. I love ya so much," he says softly up to you, ending each sentence with a kiss. You giggle before giving him another long kiss, trying to not let a smile break it.

"I love you more," you playfully argue, sticking your tongue out at him. He grunts and swoops in, taking your tongue into his mouth. You happily allow him to do so, humming lowly as your free hand comes up to tangle in his hair.

After making out for some time, you pull away for air to stare down at him. The atmosphere has definitely changed within the last fifteen minutes. First, it was filled with despair and rage. Then, it was filled with love, happiness, and relief. And now? Well, now you're looking into his half-lidded eyes with eyes clouded by lust.

"Lemme prove to ya that I love ya even more," he whispers, sensing the change of the mood. You smirk and happily connect your lips with his again.

You kiss until you're breathless once more, his hands wandering to find bare skin. He eventually doesn't like the fact that you aren't naked, pulling away from you to switch places with you. He tugs your shirt off before trading places with you though, throwing it onto the ground.

You smile up at him, watching him take off his shirt before connecting your lips for the nth time. You kiss for a while, Mammon's hands eventually finding their way to your nipples. He plays with them as his lips travel down, licking and sucking on your neck.

Your hands wander over his own chest before going down, being interrupted by his pants. You whine and tug on them, letting him know you want them gone. He pulls away from your neck with a smirk, pulling his pants off but leaving his boxers on.

You groan, wanting to have him inside of you already. He chuckles lowly at how impatient you are, smiling after giving you a sweet kiss. "Patience. I said I wanna show ya how much I love ya," he whispers, slowly slipping your bottoms off. He then proceeds to kiss just about every part of you, your body writhing as you try to keep from touching what his boxers are hiding.

After a while of foreplay, he finally gives you what you want. He makes sweet love to you, very different than what you two normally do. Not that you're complaining. You love to see this sweet, soft, vulnerable side of him.

You want to love him forever, to die loving him. He loves you with everything that he is and would do anything to prove so to you.

MASTERLIST

200 Followers Quote Prompt

More with Mammon

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

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Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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peanutxparker · 4 years

Text

A (very long) list of all of my favorite AJJ lyrics because why not

Candy Cigarettes and Cap Guns (2005)

“Well my great grand-dad he died of cancer, from smoking too many cigarettes. But I must confess that he did quite profess to being the coolest motherfucker I ever met.”

“And cocaine is essentially vegan and they don't give a fuck anyway.”

“And I can't help but miss him even though he hit me everyday.”

“So fuck white people! (fuck white people!)”

“Heaven is a special place in hell where you can watch the people you hate get hurt.”

“You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming ‘cause I'm gonna take your life. You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming and I'm sad you won't be my wife.”

“What makes you think you can be so pretty? And what makes you think you can be so great? And what makes you think you can be so intelligent? And what makes you think you can be so far away?”

“What makes you think you can be so wonderful? And what makes you think you can be so keen? And what makes me think I can be so hurtful? And what makes me think I can be so mean?”

“Sometimes I feel like a cigarette, I'm wrapped in paper and I'm suffocating to death.”

“I don't want to be a cigarette anymore. I'll go to hell in my self death all day and night, so please just put me out.”

People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World (2007)

“Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds. Rejoice because you’re trying your best”

“I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm as timid as a mouse. I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome. I'm not a courageous man. I don't have any big lasting plans. I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean. And it's sad to know that we're not alone in this and it's sad to know that there's no honest way out. In this life we lead, we could conquer everything if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning.”

“And I give a thank-you to my father for not raising me, and I give a finger to my step-father for beating me, and I give props to myself for achieving, and god damn I’m glad that I survived, and god damn I’m surprised that I survived.”

“So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection of a coward you and I both hate very much and then I grabbed the knife and I let the blood out of your throat and I smashed those tiny mirrors inside of your skull.”

“If I don’t go to hell when I die I might go to heaven, might go to heaven. But probably not.”

“Just happy times and half assed rhymes and mimes because mimes are dears, but most of all I want no more tears.”

“No more racism. No more discrimination. No more fat dumb fucks keeping people out of our nation.”

“We’re all one big band across this land and we should sing in tune. Let us grow the balls to break the walls, we’ve got to do it soon.”

“And I hope our candles flicker and die so that our hearts don’t burn to the ground.”

“First we were babies, we're birthing and dying. Then we were children, we're playing and crying. And then we're teenagers and smoking and fucking. But now we're all grown up and we're sadly sighing.”

“And your manic depression, it comes and it goes. Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts and you're in fight or flight mode.”

“How's the world so small when the world is so large? And what made the world? Could I please speak to who's in charge? Everything is real but it's also just as fake. From your daughter's birthday party to your grandmother's wake.”

“I've tried to know which words to sing so many times. I tried to know which chord to play and I tried to make it rhyme. And I tried to find the key that all good songs are in. And I tried to find that notes to make that great, resounding din.”

“There's someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you.”

“I've got essays, I've got finals due. I have got lots and lots of problems.”

“Welcome to this world, have as much fun as you would like while helping others have as much fun as you're having. Be kind to those you love and be kind to those you don't but for God's sake you gotta be kind.”

Can’t Maintain (2009)

“I wanna pick up the pieces and plant them in the ground. When a tree grows there I want to chop that tree down. Build it into a boat and float it in a lake. And with dynamite I will explode the thing that makes me make mistakes.”

“Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe. Sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heartbeat. Anyway…”

“I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see is the worst in everything that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get.”

“And people freak me out. People make me scared. People make me so damn self-aware.”

“I get bronchitis twice a year at least. My lungs aren't the way they should be. And I smoke more than a mother fuckin chimney. I declare war on my body.”

“You will cough up crows that peck my eyes and I will do nothing but go blind.”

“We could live there together or I'll live alone, less happy but I'll live... unfortunately.”

“And no one will know how I truly feel ‘cause I can no longer differentiate between what is fake and what is real. I don't know how I feel.”

“And I will always appreciate bad days like this because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness.”

“If the bridge that I was driving over collapsed while I was driving over it that may not be such a bad thing. I would finally meet my maker, I could meet the great creator, and I'd punch him for teaching me how to sing.”

“Don't know if I believe in god but sometimes I pray because the way I was raised keeps me afraid.”

“I hope I can forgive me for having the nerve to exist. I hope someone can help me make some sense of this.”

“Sense and sensibility and peaceful productivity, a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire. But there's so much hostility in all the things surrounding me. The awful glow of enmity is trying to stop my shine. So I try to look inwardly at all the things inside of me but sodomy and buggery keep bubbling to the top.”

“I met you once over the phone, you sounded sad and you seemed alone. You left me but I never left you. I never had the chance to.”

“If you spend all your heart on something that has died you are not alive and that can't be your life.”

Knife Man (2011)

“There's no one to blame. People are just fucking mean.”

“So if I see a penny on the ground, I leave it alone or fucking flip it. I'm a straight white male in America. I've got all the luck I need.”

“I've got a pile of broken mirrors and I'm walking under ladders and I'll spill a ton of salt because to me that doesn't matter.”

“You were dead by the time that I had found you. Your blood was spilled on the couch where we had first kissed. So I carried you west to the sea so I could wash you. Your body felt just like a back pack.”

“I hate whiny, fucking songs like this but I can't afford a therapist. Sorry guys, here's a solo.”

“Some days I feel like I'm the weakest and others the strongest. These days are the longest and I've got the weirdest feeling about this and I wanna go away for a while.”

“I wish I had a bullet big enough to fucking kill the sun. I'm sick of songs about the summer.”

“When you have no one, you are no one. Like I said, I used to work at the people pound. All these no ones clumped together, just like a human lost and found. If they left them all be someones there wouldn't be enough to go around. It's better for us all us if there are no ones. And I knew a lot of no ones round that time. They used to all be someones until something took their life and all their someones disappeared while they're stuck there waiting in a line. And for them now, no one seems to have the time.”

“They say ambition is an enemy of weakness and greatness is an enemy of fame.When I pick up my guitar and I try to write a song, I think of what my mentor used to say… “Who fucking gives a rat's ass Steve, just write a love song. Cus they'll keep your belly full and your wallet lined. Don't bother these nice people with your sad sack songs. If you ask me I think they're just a waste of time.””

“Inspiration is the best friend of my sorrow and sorrow is the best friend of my drink. Well I want to look myself in the eye tomorrow but I'm too worried of what other folk's will think.”

“And the troubles in my heart need to get let out. And the troubles in my heart need to escape. And I never liked writing poetry and I never liked doing pottery and God knows that I never learned to paint. So every now and then, I'll sing sad songs. Cus it keeps my spirit light and my conscience clean. And if you don't care to hear I don't mind if you go out for some air. Cus I'm happy that you're happier than me.”

“So I wish I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette but I wonder what a cigarette will really do to help that person out. I wish to God I had some spare change for every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change but there's not enough spare change in the world to make such an empty gesture count.”

“You can hope it gets better and you can follow your dreams but hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping.”

“You don't have it any better and you don't have it any worse. You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own understanding of what it means to suffer and that’s a huge bummer.”

“I'm afraid of the way I live my life. I'm afraid of the way I don't. I'm afraid of the things that I want to do but I won't. I'm afraid of God. I'm afraid to believe and I'm afraid of all the loved ones that I've made leave. I'm afraid that my dog doesn't love me anymore. I'm afraid of the social laziness that let Kitty Genovese die. And I'm afraid of the mob mentality that makes otherwise normal people go blind. I'm afraid of the way that the world works and I'm afraid of the words in my notebooks. I'm afraid that you all know that I am a pervert.”

“It's harder to be yourself than it is to be anybody else. I wish I were a little less of a coward but the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night. So I bought a knife. I am a knife.”

Rompilation (2012)

“I used to be a spiderman, I used to be a cowboy from hell, but not anymore. Now I'm just a clam and I live inside this shell inside this shell I am. God damn I hate my brain.”

“I'll dip my brain in medicine so that you can stand to be with me.”

“Give me your tired, give me your tired, give me your poor. When our government acts like this, I wonder what World War II was for and the rest of the country hates us more and more. Lady Liberty is not a whore.”

“This is not a protest, it's a tortoise slowly pushing through a race. I hope the tortoise keeps its patience while the hare continues to pepper-spray its face.”

“There is no enemy, there's only people that also love their families and they're scared that they won't have enough long after they are deceased. But how much money do they need? Love turns into fear, and fear turns into greed. There is no enemy, there's only dummies that also love their families.”

“And this is not a phase, it's just a matter of time, with diligence and peacefulness, you will reach them and you will change their minds. If you stay there long enough, they'll start to see you.”

“And when you pushed my face in shit how could that have made you feel like a man or like a monster. It's your fault that I can't tell the difference.”

“In the evening I try songwriting. I'm self loathing, but I love singing. I'll try escaping these evil feelings but they keep coming, they keep coming…”

“So the baby's gonna have a daddy, that's wonderful news. He won't be the greatest parent but neither will you! Gotta get out while you can, otherwise you're screwed. Your legs are broken and your eyes are black and blue.”

“And smoking is like hiring a hitman for five dollars a day, and as cool as that is, I don't wanna keep dying this way.”

Christmas Island (2014)

“Shoot him again ‘cause I can see his soul dancing.”

“If you give it to me I’ll give it back much harder. If you treat me like a son, then I’ll treat you like a daughter. Everyone has a future, everyone has a soul, everyone has a heart, they have a mind, they have control.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he has something the prove because he does. He sleeps a couple hours in the morning, hates the morning when he wakes up.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he wants to make a friend, but he does not.”

“Getting naked and playing with guns. There's a gerbil in the microwave, a baseball bat in everyone. Sharing kisses and building a bomb. We'll set it off like Microsoft in '94.”

“McDonald's PlayPlace before the Xbox, cake frosting, sweet talking, bedroom wall, covered in knives, touching God, burning shit. We'll make a wish and take a trip to Future Town like our daddy did.”

“Have you ever wanted to be, have you ever wanted to see someone better in the mirror? Have you ever wanted to go, have you ever wanted to know somewhere greener, somewhere cleaner. I bet you got something beautiful in mind.”

“I can’t handle astounding works of beauty. I think I like my pretty pretty ugly but the beautiful soul I witnessed in that movie was an entirely different kind of overwhelming. It was a dog that won’t stop barking. Like a cut that never stops bleeding. Arizona sunsets in the early evening. Or a grown man inconsolably weeping.”

“I am the Kool-Aid stains on the mouth of a kid whose name is most likely Cody. He had a juice box for breakfast and he carries a stick that he most likely found in the alley. Cody doesn't have friends and his parents hate each other and he wants to find a better way to love his family and after school he hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby's.”

The Bible 2 (2016)

“Oh, I love you cause I love you cause I can.”

“On your last night at Saint Mary's you were way too intoxicated to breathe. So I used your ribs as ladders and I climbed up on your chest and I jumped up and down just like a trampoline.”

“Confused and rude. Such a special kind of way to be cruel.”

“If I were one of the things, I'd be american garbage. The most beautiful thing. The most beautiful american garbage you have ever seen.”

“No more shame, no more fear, no more dread.”

“And if you don't want to feel the feeling, no one should ever make you feel the feeling.”

“I thought I saw you before I knew who you were.”

“I just wanted to rage but all I got was tired”

“I showed him all the books that I was raised on. Your Madeleine L'Engle(s) and D'Aulaires' Mythologies.”

“And his eyes became a beacon, an LCD projector, broadcasting all my memories in a clear and vivid picture. His tongue became a staircase, his uvula - The knocker of an ornate wooden door that lead me straight into my future. His throat became a hallway with a thousand baby pictures and I became forgiveness, I transformed into the closure that I lost when I learned about the tragedy of all of us. I lost it when I learned about the tragedy of all of us.”

Good Luck Everybody (2019)

“If you don't give it to them they'll starve to death and that's alright.”

“I've got the normalization blues, this isn't normal, this isn't good.”

“I'm detached and I'm distracted, all keyed up but unproductive, vacillating between being all excited and disgusted and then dozing lackadaisically in this bubble where I've made my mental home. Connection's more important now than it ever was, but I'd rather be alone.”

“And when we talk about the president, we're either pissed off or we're giggling about an atrocity he's committing or some stupid shit he's tweeting. He's a symptom and a weapon of the evil men who really run the show. The ones who melt down human beings into money like a cruel Sorcerer's Stone.”

“This is the golden age of dickotry, probably the last golden age of anything, and the ugliest word in the English language is anthropocene. Good luck, everybody. Good luck.”

“But before that, you'll be a doormat, for every vicious narcissist in the world. Oh how they'll screw you, all up and over, then feed you silence for dessert.”

“I'm sorry that you have to have a body, filled with infection, one hundred scabs singing in unison, eyes and hands, sometimes bullets, uninvited, passing through us.”

“Oh to be awake for such a shitty dream. A bullet in the head of every decent thing.”

“The lake of dead black children that America created is getting fuller than the founding Fathers even wanted. The ghost of great America was underestimated and now it rages like a cold sore on the lip of this dumb nation. Again we've slipped inside a pit of absolute despair. That's where we live.”

“Rewarding our worst cruelty, they destroyed our shared reality, and now they upsell us our dignity like some fucked VIP package.”

“There is no absolute, these days there's no such thing as truth and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“I'm a burnout and a fool, oblivious to all I do. I move my lips when I read and breathe with my mouth open, wide open. Timid, meek, and cruel, this is the best that I can do. I need to speak my truth, yet here I'm broken wide, wide open. My resentment, big and strong, and all the things that I can't change. They'll buckle me beneath the weight. I will drive myself insane with all the things that I can't change. I hate all the things that I can't change.”

“You're a loudmouth and a tool, and as it turns out I am too, and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“Because I know that you know what I need more than me and I know that you need me more than that.”

“For all the pussies you grab and the children you lock up in prison, for all the rights you roll back and your constant stream of racism, for all the poison you drip in my ear, for all your ugly American fear. I wrote you this beautiful song called Psychic Warfare.”

“I hate you with all of my heart. I hate you with all of my art.”

“I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me, and now I am colder than I used to be. I live in a fortress the shape of my body, and now there's a coldness, and it's shaped like me. Now I don't suffer any more bullshit gladly. Even though everything's bullshit now, here in 2019 and you can bet it's gonna be a bunch of bullshit too out in sweet 2020 or whenever this album's released.”

#ajj band #ajj #andrew jackson jihad

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griffxnnage · 3 years

Note

Hi there! Congrats! Can I have a HP and Marvel ship please?

I'm a straight female (so male ships pls)

MBTI: ISFJ and INFJ (I constantly switch between the 2/the S and N are always pretty much even)

Enneagram: 6w7 and 4w3(i know i know you are only suppose to have 1 but i swear I’m both lol)

House: Slytherpuff (I got both the first time on pottermore and it made me chose one, and every quiz I take anywhere always gives me a dif house each time 😅), and Thunderbird

Love language: Def physical touch, but I'm often too scared to initiate it. But hugs and cuddling are my fav things ever. Also giving and receiving gifts and words of affirmation

Personality: I'm kind of an oxymoron in general, like I'm super duper shy but extremely bubbly and energetic when I do talk. I'm get like super passionate about things and excited about everything and accidently get too loud sometimes. Or, when it comes to school and work I dont talk at all. Really bad with starting conversations and thinking of things to say.

Can be super awkward but like I think cute awkward? Super innocent. I'm annoyingly empathetic, often over little things like someone getting their feelings hurt. Extroverted introvert, I like to be included and go out and LOVE adventures and taking chances but I NEED my alone time to recharge. I can go go go but then i will need a week completely alone.

I get super intimated by guys, especially ones I like/think are cute, hence really the only guy friends I have are gay. I get left out a lot but also create fun for myself and not afraid to go to places alone and have a great time. Always worried about being rejected as I have dad abandonment issues and dance world rejection because of a minor disability(mild cerebral palsy on one side), but sometimes Im so worried about being liked that it becomes a self filming prophecy, I also think everyone always hates me secretly.

I have tons of ambition and passion and am super sweet. Can always find a positive in any situation. I can be super over sensitive tho. I can be super intense sometimes and steam roll but it's because I'm super passionate. I get excited about any and everything. Both a kid at heart and an old soul. I also have bad social anxiety

Hobbies/interests: Musical theater (cant sing to save my life tho opps), Video editing, dancing, animals (always say I'm gonna die cause of an animal attack cause I want and try to approach and pet every animal I see 🤣), superheros, disney and disney world(worked there as a photographer), history and museums(I love old artifacts and places), traveling and going on adventures, redemption arcs 🤣

Thanks so much and sorry this was so long!

you worked at disney??? omg that’s amazing!!! also, is that seb in your icon? you’re just livin’ the dream, my friend!

i ship you with fred weasley!!

loves how ambitious you are, and comes to you whenever he needs to find the positive part of any situation.

agrees with you. it’s a cute awkward.

will sneak out with you to go on little adventures; you two don’t ever get caught, don’t worry.

loves how adaptable you are in any situation, and aspires to be like that.

i ship you with peter parker!!

totally takes advantage of you working at disney world. always.

just both of you singing off key in his room to les mis or heathers or something pissing off aunt may in the process lmao.

loves how adorable you are when you’re bubbly, or when you’re meeting new people. he adores the smile on your face and the sparkle in your eye.

gives you the bestest, warmest, sweetest cuddles in existence, no questions asked.

join my 300 follower sleepover!

#le-weasley-simp's 300 follower sleepover #ship requests #fred weasley x reader #peter parker x reader

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harleenfleck · 4 years

Text

“Despite the danger (Part 2)”

Arthur Fleck/Joker x Reader

Summary: Joker is the love of your life; despite the reputation it carries. You know that, but you don’t care, after he rescued you from a horrible hole you were trapped in. Now, you both live your lives together, but you ignore all the risks that come with being the lover of the Clown Prince of Crime.

This is the continuation. Part one here (Idk how put links in tumblr AAAAAA)

Warning: Description of violence, smut (Oh yeah), unprotected sex, oral sex, and fluff cause why not.

Words: 3.2k

Notes: OMFG I’M SO SORRY I KNOW I KNOOOW It took me about a month to post the second part, you have no idea what happened to me in all these weeks! New job, a little move, trying to survive, creative block (I’m suffering with this one), I almost itchy a scorpion, I didn't have Internet for two weeks, for a moment I thought I was in contact with someone with COVID-19 and fortunately that someone was sick from something else (Pneumonia in case you had doubts), I started to be attracted to a guy who turned out to be a criminal (HAHA later I'll tell you how this shit was over) anyway, too many weird things happened to me.

Finally I can post the second part, and the truth is that it is the first time I write smut or something in English :'0 honestly I think it was sexy, but I still feel a little ashamed (that’s the correct word?) to post it, ahhh, it's weird the feeling. But wow, I think the thing was beautiful:3 I honestly hope I can beat the creative block and keep writing more stories like that, shit, anyway, Arthur it’s my beautiful muse.

Time for thanks! Thank you to the Microsoft translator for helping me translate things I don't know into English, thank you to Lana del Rey for helping me get out of the creative block with your songs, my two neurons for not giving up and doing synapses, and thank you for your patience <3

And fuuuuckinggg agaaaain the fucking same apology, I’m sorry if I make some grammatical, spelling or writing mistakes, english is not my native language blablablablablalaaablablablaba just enjoy the porn.

Hope you like it! <3

...

He’s out of his mind.

He was yelling at his men to do the damn job, to search the whole damn city. His beauty doll is missing

You were missing, you weren’t by his side, and that was a tragedy.

He was going crazy, and how cannot be? His enemies don’t leave no clue, just the threatening note. He read it, trying to find something, some sign. But nothing.

“In every fucking corner! In every fucking street! In every fucking neighborhood! I don’t fucking care! You have to find her!”

He yelled at his men in clown masks, they were orders that were to be fulfilled. But everything was more complicated than it seemed.

“We've searched all over Gotham and there's no sign of her”

“Keep looking!” He screamed again.

The clowns have never seen their leader so tense and stressed. It wasn't for nothing. His darling was kidnapped by something he had done, and time ran. Anything could happen to you with every hour wasted in found you.

"Mr. Joker, we've searched everywhere, but there's no way to find her, do you really think it's worth it?"

“What? What do you mean by that? What are you implying about that?”

“I mean Mr. Joker, you found her in a disgraceful place... You could do that with any other slut, you can find another-”

Bang!

Before he could keep opening his mouth, that man was already dead.

"I don't have time for this stupid shit! You must don’t give a shit about my doll's past! You must do your fucking damn job!"

The rest of the clowns, seeing the violent scene, came out of the room. Joker ordered two of his men to undo the body.

Sitting on an elegant red couch, he took a hand to his face and breathe out heavily.

Where were you? Would you be ok? You’d be safe?

Every question stressed him. And he felt guilty leaving you alone, he shouldn’t have done that.

Knowing that sometimes his clowns could become useless, he got out of his seat and walked outside of the room. "If they don't find you, I'll do it myself”

He got into the car and went to Gotham.

“My y/n, where are you?”

…

Your hands behind you back were tied. Your feet too.

Could barely remember what happened to you. Hours before, you were reading a book in complete calmness, but someone broke in the house. You screamed and ran for the emergency gun, but the assailants caught you first and put a damp fabric in your face.

You slept soundly for a couple of hours, when you woke up with a blindfold. Immediately, you went into fear.

“Look! The bitch woke up”

Your eyes saw again, they took you the bandage off. Looked at some men you didn’t know who they were.

“Just look, the little whore of Joker” One of the kidnappers took you by the jaw “Are the rumors true? The Joker pulled you out of a brothel after you fuck him so good?”

A big spit came into the kidnapper's eye. You pointed very well at his face.

“Fuck you!” Was the only thing you yell to him “That's something you don't give a shit!”

The others men laugh a lot, making fun of your little defense. The affected person rubbed himself with a tissue and you realized spitting him was a big mistake.

Scared, you looked everywhere, you had to find a way out, you knew that if you stayed there, they could kill you, but there is no escape.

“What idiot would want a whore like his couple?” The kidnapper spoke as he approached you and lifted you from the ground "Although if it's true that you were a prostitute... We could take advantage of that…”

They looked at you with malevolence, you knew your Joker had done terrible things to them, and they revenge were going to drop it on you.

“No, no, no! Don't you dare! If you do, you'll be dead men!”

“Maybe, but the first one to die will be you”

They pulled out a knife right in front of you, played with this one, gently passing it down your chest and face.

They started ripping the fabric of your dress. You cried. They laughed.

Please Arthur come, come for me, please Arthur

“We are three, you're going to have to give each of us pleasure at the same time, you know what that means? Anyway, you're already experienced in that”

They took your dress in pieces, staying only in your underwear, they began grotesquely touch your body and make fun of you. You just implored that it wasn't painful and that your death wasn't so violent.

Although that was improbable.

You closed your eyes, accepting your unfortunate destiny.

A violent noise was heard, and one of the men fell to the ground.

"Leave her alone right now!"

Hearing that scream you felt in heaven, protected. You were safe. Joker was there, pointing the bastards who wanted to hurt you with his gun.

“Oh! Look who's here! Just when we were going to have our banquet, don't you want some?”

Another one fell to the ground. You tried to escape the only one left alive, but he catched you, putting the knife around your neck.

“Let her go of or you're going to regret it!” Joker screamed in a tone of voice you'd never heard before. He was heard so rude and furious, and at once determined.

“Let her go? You ruined what my men and I built for years; I'll take away what you cherish most in front you. And you can’t do anything to avoid it”

Joker's blood boiled with angry. How did he dare to hurt you?

"I won't warn you again, let her go right now, NOW!"

The guy, just for enjoying Joker's furious, put the knife down and cut your abdomen, you cried in pain. Joker went crazy, and when the knife stopped touching your skin, bullets were raining at your kidnapper.

You ran away, tripped and fell, but you could see Joker unloading the bullets on his enemy.

No enemy was left alive. You were free. But you were so scared too.

Joker looked at you, put away his gun and ran to you.

"Arthur!" You hugged him very tightly.

"y/n are you okay? He cut you, that motherfucker, I must to take you to the doc—"

"No! Please Arthur, take me home! Take me with you!"

"But y/n, you’re hurt—"

"It's nothing! I swear, just take me with you!"

Crying, you begged him to get you out of there. Joker took off his red coat and put it on you, covering you. He hugged you and both got out of there.

…

You two came home. He carried you in his arms and you hugged his chest. He left you in the bed while you still crying.

"I won't let you get hurt again, my doll" Arthur drew his fingers to your face, drying away your tears. He hurt him see you crying.

"Arthur, I thought I'd never see you again”

"No, y/n, I'm here, I'll always be here. No one will hurt you again"

You hugged him a lot, you didn't want to let him go. Despite the facade of the worst criminal of all and Gotham's worst lunatic, he saved and protected you.

Arthur left the room for a moment and came back with a medicine cabinet. He healed your wound while you were trying to relax, but that was almost impossible. Once you bandaged, Arthur lay down next to you, and you couldn't help hug him. He did the same thing, caressing your hair and smelling your scent, like the first time he and you met.

You and him slept soundly. You were so afraid you wouldn't sleep in that bed again. However, your night wasn't quiet, you dreamed of those three horrible men again, you dreamed that those men did what they wanted with you, and Arthur never appeared.

You woke up upset, in tears again.

But at the same time, you calmed down, because you were home. Arthur woke up with your crying, he immediately paid attention to you.

"What's going on? y/n, what happened?"

"A nightmare"

He took you carefully and kissed you on the forehead. You hugged him back, you clung to him, you never wanted to leave him in your life.

He really is the love of your life.

And you wanted to thank him for being.

"Arthur..."

"Yes?"

You took air, you never thought you’d be shy to ask Arthur that, even when you did this night after night.

“Could you love me, please?"

The eyes of Arthur lit up, and a big sense of desire ran through his body. But despite that, you were always above everything.

"y/n… But you’re hurt"

"Art… I’m fine, it was something superficial, it's nothing” And that was true, but on his face could you see he wasn’t so convinced “Please Arthur, I need your love”

He looked at you with concern, with silent, perhaps he feared to hurt you.

But at the same time, he looked at you with desire, in need and lust.

Arthur needed you very badly too, but he was afraid to revive your pain. However, you started kissing him, at first shyly, because you didn't know what his reaction would be.

But you knew him perfectly, you knew that with a simple touch of yours he could go crazy. He gently took you from the back of your head and quickly got on top of you. His hands started stroking your neck, your collarbone, your chest. His fingers started playing with the straps of your bra and at the same time left little kisses on your breasts.

Fear left your body, and desperately asked for Arthur.

Arthur took your bra off and threw it somewhere in the room. Hypnotized, he admired your body. You blushed, he always saw you as a deity, even though you two made love a thousand times before.

"You're the most fucking beautiful woman I've ever met"

He bit his lip when he saw you. You, on the other hand, put the shyness aside, your hands went to the buttons on his yellow vest, unbuttoning them. Arthur noticed your intentions and helped you with that. You did the same thing with his turquoise shirt, looking now his chest.

You exhaled. You kissed him deeply, his tongue entered your mouth, and you couldn't help pass your hands through his chest and abdomen.

Without warning, you started to kiss his neck and shoulders, he didn’t wait that, but with a smile, he let you continue. You kept kissing him, went down to his red pants. His lust trapped in that red pants was already evident.

With little kiss on the fabric of his pants, you unbuttoned and zipped down. You looked him before continue. Arthur looked at you in need, desire and a huge smile on his clown face.

You backed off his pants and his underwear, his length appeared on your face and something inside you burned. You took it with your hand and let a little kiss in the top.

With more desire, you pass your tongue, sucking it, you really enjoyed that moment, more when you put it in your mouth and heard his deep moan.

"Damn it, y/n!" Arthur almost cried out loud. He was wet in lust, he looked at you with his green eyes, saw as you gave him pleasure, as you loved making him feel good. He took your hair, started directing the movements.

You relaxed your throat, took some air and got on with your work. You used your tongue to drive him crazy, and hearing his moans caused you to get wet. “Fuck! y/n you… you’re amazing…”.

You viewed that he grabbed the sheets with his free hand, his head was back and his chest became large and small as he breathed deeply. You could think he was close to finishing. But he decided to change things.

He took your hair and forced you to apart himself, you looked at him a little confused, but his gaze said he was going to back to you everything you caused him. Taking your shoulders, he dropped you in bed. He quickly got between your legs, starting to play with the elastic of your lace panties.

He dropped your panties, stared hungry at what these were hiding. And he realized you were already wet.

"Art... Do-Don't be so rude, please" You pled him timidly. Arthur blinked, setting aside his desire, remembering what you had spent the last night. He looked at your reddened face, and felt slightly guilty. He didn't tell you, but he thought maybe he scared you.

"Of course not, my doll" slowly lowered his face until you reached your entrance "If you want to stop, I will, just say it y/n" kissed one of your thighs, and seeing you, started playing with his tongue inside you.

Now, it was your turn to yell.

“Oh fuck!” You remember why Arthur loved that game. He was very skillful. He kissed you, licked you, played really well down there. You took his green hair between your fingers, begging him to go deeper. You heard a little laugh.

“I want you Arthur…” You couldn't take it anymore, you started begging him, as tears of pleasure fell down your cheeks “Please Art, I want you, make me yours…”

He didn't listen to you, he just kept licking you, and you couldn't do it anymore. You cuming in his mouth, and he drank you all.

Bastard you thought You wouldn't let me do the same with you

As you recovered from the orgasm, he stands up, his makeup was already a mess, but that's what you loved, as you could see Arthur and Joker at the same time.

“Come here, boy” You extended your hand to him. He took it and placed himself on top of you "I really want you for me”

“You just want me?”

“Why the question?”

"You seem to need me" Arthur kiss your hand, as you felt the rub of its length in your entrance, he was torturing you.

“Arthur, please…”

“Please what?” He passing his tongue in your hand and finished with a kiss.

“I-I need you…”

“Yes darling?” He saw you again with those emeralds that drove you crazy. How much you love him, and how much he loves you "Did you know I always need you, y/n?" With that deeply voice, he began to play again, giving small blows with his tip, causing you to moan.

“Y-Yeah…” Your voice became trembling at the end of that word “Arthur, please…”

“Please what?” He repeated that question again while without warning, he passed his tongue through your breast, provoking you more and more.

“…Fuck me…” You didn't ask him, you pleaded him. He laughed a little, and kissed you on your lips, looking for your tongue with his. And as your tongues fluttered in your mouths, he entered in you.

You moaned in his mouth, that strange sense of pain and pleasure was so addictive to you. He moved inside you, going out and in. You could hear him moan, and that excited you more, hearing his voice full of pleasure.

With more desire, you hugged him, moaned and cried. You didn't want anyone else in your life. You only want Arthur, just him.

It was so much pleasure and delight that you even forgot the wound on your abdomen.

You raised your hips just to join him more. Arthur kissed your neck, while he too got lost in lust. The bed hit the wall hard, it could break at any time, and you wouldn't mind. You two couldn't separate, nothing could separate.

You didn't know how much time was going on, but every time Arthur made love to you, time seemed to stop alone for the two of you.

“Arthur…” You cried his name “I love you… I love you”.

“I love you, y/n” you heard his hoarse voice against your ear again. He raised his head, only to see you adore this intimate moment “I love you too”

You kissed him, so much passion overflowing. You felt close again.

Before you could tell him, your body couldn't keep it anymore and gave into the pleasure, you screamed so loud. Arthur began to penetrate you slowly and deep at the same time, prolonging your orgasm, making it more torturous and pleasurable.

Breathing deeply, you looked at Arthur, taking his cheek with your hand, you still felt weak, and loved too.

He came out of you, and he started masturbating in front of you. "Could you help me, doll?" Oh yes, you knew that meant.

You knelt in front of him, took his member and carried him into your mouth. He tried to suppress a groan but failed. A few seconds later he made you stop, and you'll look him in the eye from where you were.

"You want it, don't you, doll?" you didn't answer, you just moved your head up and bit your lip. Like the first time you saw him. You began to masturbate him and kiss his member.

He caressed your head, closed his eyes. If that wasn't heaven, he didn't know anything else it could be.

His body tightened, and his breathing became heavy “y/n, I’m gonna coming, come here”.

You stopped, opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue. With a little scream from him, you got his climax in your mouth. Every drop fell into your mouth, and some escaped through the corners of your lips. He tasted so good; you loved his taste.

Arthur took a deep breath, his eyes were still under in his eyelids, recovering. He lowered his head and opened his eyes, watching you. You gave him a naughty smile. He caressed your cheek, and stroked you with his thumb.

"Where have you been all my life?" For a moment he thought about it, but he really said it. And you blush at those words. The naughty smile was replaced by a shy smile.

"Lost, like you, my love"

Smiling at you, he went to kiss you one more, one more loving, more romantic. “Arthur Fleck, you really are the love of my life” You said to him in the middle of the kiss. You could feel it how he trembled at your words. He separated from you and looked you in the eye.

“You too, y/n, you’re the love of my life”.

He kissed your cheek and pulled aside some locks of hair that fell on your face. "Come here" Took your hand "Look at you, you're a mess, we're going to have to clean you up"

You knew that was just the beginning, it was going to be a long day.

But you didn't care because you loved him, you loved Arthur Fleck, and Joker too, despite the danger. You didn't really care about danger, Arthur would always protect you from adversity, and somehow, you also protected him.

End

#joker #arthur fleck #joker fanfiction #Joker x Reader #Arthur Fleck x Reader #arthur fleck smut #fanfiction #sexy timeeee #joker smut #lemon #Arthur fleck fanfic #joker fandom #why I'm still feeling weirdo with this? HAHAHA #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #Don't ask #Just enjoy it #aaaaAaaaAAAAaaaaAa

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mc-lukanette · 4 years

Text

Winter Wearing Out

Marinette snuck aboard the Liberty with careful steps, carrying the package in her arms as if it were glass. She watched where she moved, fearing that any missteps would cause a creak—or worse, a board breaking—that would surely alert anyone below.

"Anyone" meaning one person specifically, who Marinette certainly didn't want to see.

She went as quietly down the stairs as possible, her eyes shifting about and checking for anyone who may've been around. She slowly began to traverse the rooms, ensuring that the "braid tornado" wasn't around to see her.

The coast was clear. Luka and Juleka's room was right there. All she had to do was—

"Aye! What've ya got there, lass?"

Marinette straightened, the motion causing her package to be sent just slightly into the air. She flailed, letting out a variety of incomprehensible noises as she swiped at the package. With some fumbling, she managed to return it to its original position in her arms, but that didn't stop her blood from going cold as she whipped around to see Anarka standing behind her.

"Oh! Uh—t-this old thing?" she asked, grabbing hold of the flap of her jacket. "J-just my usual. I designed it myself. Comfortable, yet stylish. Honestly though, I wanted to go for something a little more—"

"The box, matey," Anarka interrupted, now staring down at Marinette with skepticism.

"O-oh, right!" Marinette exclaimed while simultaneously choking on her own nerves. "The box! This box! The box in my hands! Of course! What else could you have possibly meant?"

She cleared her throat. "W-well, you see—um—this box is—well—for messes!"

Anarka tilted her head. "Messes?"

"Y-yeah! You always talk about chaos and how it never hurt, so—uh—" Marinette clutched the box close, afraid that Anarka might've snatched it up at any moment, just like any of the other packages she'd tried to bring onto the ship. "—Luka and Juleka's room is always so neat and organized, so—I mean—I thought..."

Supporting the box with one hand, she very steadily slipped a hand inside, feeling around until she'd grabbed a wad of paper. Crunching it further in her hand, she pulled it out and threw it haphazardly into the air.

Anarka's eyes followed it. It soared upwards, came back down, then hit Marinette's head before sliding off and ungracefully landing on the floor.

Marinette looked at it, then at Anarka, then grinned sheepishly. "Y-you see? A mess! Sooooo..."

Anarka stared at her, unblinking.

Marinette could feel herself start to sweat. This woman was going to take her box yet again. She was going to make her walk the plank, then walk the plank a second time for good measure. This was how Marinette was going to die, eternally forbidden from seeing any of the Couffaines ever again as she drowned in the Seine and the sea of her own axie—"

"Sounds like quite the plan you have there, lass!"

Marinette froze, then blinked. She glanced up at Anarka in disbelief. "Wh—really?"

Anarka winked. "Y'have fun then. My kids seem to trust ya fine, so I will too."

She walked away. She actually walked away, leaving Marinette to herself.

Marinette didn't breathe for a good few seconds, unable to fathom that Anarka had actually given her the go-ahead. Her legs still shaking, she turned and started to head to Luka and Juleka's room, her gaze lingering on where Anarka had gone.

She bumped into something. At first, she thought she'd just missed the doorway, but upon looking, she saw—

"Eep!" Marinette staggered back, though managed not to fumble with the box this time. "Luka! Oh my gosh—I'm sorry—I just—"

"Hello, Marinette," he greeted with an unphased smile. "It's okay. I just thought I might've had to step in for a little there."

So he saw that. Well, it was embarrassing, but honestly, after everything with Adrien, Marinette had become numb to the smaller things.

She let out a breath, hunching over slightly. "Good. Thank you." She paused, then stepped towards him. Impassively, she murmured, "Hold this, please."

Luka turned out of her way, letting Marinette pass as he took the box that she'd given him. He watched as she wandered almost aimlessly into the room.

She placed a hand on his bed for support, then slowly let her legs give out as she sunk down to the floor. She laid there, motionlessly, and exhaled a long, drawn-out groan.

Luka giggled, careful not to step on Marinette as he walked over to his bed and set the box on it. "Was that a... C?"

"I don't know," she murmured into the floor. "I'm not good with notes like you are."

Slowly, she turned her head to him. He extended his hand to her, which she graciously took as he helped her back up.

"Your pitch was perfect though," he complimented with a teasing smile. As she dusted herself off, he turned his attention back to the box. "So, what's actually in this?"

Marinette smiled, turning to the box as she took the lid off. "Well~"

She reached inside, pulling out multiple wads of paper and setting them aside. She could never be too careful with Anarka, she figured.

Finally, she lifted out a large black-and-white jacket and presented it to him. There was a white Jagged Stone symbol right on the left chest pocket.

Luka grinned, taking hold of one of the sleeves and feeling it. "It's warm," he said. "Where you'd get it?"

"I made it."

Suddenly, Luka froze, now staring at the jacket with what seemed to be a completely different mindset. "You—?"

Marinette blushed. "I was afraid that Anarka was going to look inside and toss them out if she saw that they were winter wear, so—" She draped the jacket over her arm and gestured to it. "—I call it 'Winter Line in Disguise!' They look like regular old clothes that you could wear at any time, but they're actually super warm!"

She turned back to the bed and laid the jacket down on it, completely unaware that the actually "super warm" thing right now was Luka's face. He was blushing red, looking at the jacket with a mixture of surprise and awe. Marinette had certainly made them things before, but nothing as extensive and complex as this.

Marinette continued, "I have pants and hats in here too! I wanted to make sure you and Juleka would be warm enough once winter came around. I have some experimental stuff for Anarka here as well, but she doesn't have to know it's from me." She chuckled. "I figured she wouldn't be able to tell they were winter clothes anyway - that's the idea of this line, after all - but with all her talk about how, 'Yar, we Couffaines brave the cold, there's no need for that thick, constricting prissy stuff here!', I knew I couldn't be too careful."

She paused, perhaps waiting to see what Luka's reply would be. When there was nothing, she turned to him, finally taking note of the silent fascination he seemed to have with the jacket.

"U-um, Luka?" she called shyly, worried that something was wrong.

He glanced up at her, snapping out of his trance, then shook his head. "Marinette, you—" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, but couldn't shake his smile. "—you didn't have to—"

"I didn't," she confirmed, "but I wanted to." She stared fondly down at the jacket, running her hand along it. "Designing fashion and seeing the reaction people have to it... they're some of my happiest moments. You guys deserve to be warm this winter, so it was a no-brainer."

She looked back at him, but blushed just by the expression on his face alone. He was staring at her, eyes vibrant, as if she was the most beautiful song he'd ever heard.

Though, given what he'd said to her during the "Silencer incident", maybe that wasn't far off.

Luka reached over to the jacket, trailing his fingers along the Jagged Stone symbol. "Could you make this a Marinette symbol instead?" he asked. "How else will I tell people that it's yours?"

She blushed deeper. Luka was so unfair sometimes. "W-well, actually, my name's already on it."

She lifted the cuff of the jacket, the end having a rim of white that seemed to spiral down into a fancy pattern. When looked at a particular way, one could notice the name "Marinette" sewn across it.

Luka grinned, even letting out a laugh. "Of course."

"O-of course?" she asked, wondering if maybe he'd heard about her tendency to sign her work.

He turned to her, gaze fond. "You're amazing, Marinette."

She stiffened, then averted her gaze, trying to keep her heart from combusting on the spot. They were just some clothes! It was no big deal!

But... to him, it clearly was, and she couldn't just stand there with him looking at her like that.

She met his gaze for just a moment, then rushed forward, plowing into his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. She didn't know exactly what she was doing; she just didn't want him to see her face so red.

This was worse, honestly. Luka didn't need a special jacket to be so warm; he was warm naturally.

After a moment of hesitance, she felt Luka hug her back. She squeaked, burying her face further into him as if it would help the situation.

It didn't.

She heard him take a breath, her mind was already racing with what he was about to say. "Marinette—"

"I'm—!" she cut him off shyly. "I'm—um..." She nestled closer to him, muttering into his chest, "I'm glad you like them, Luka."

She heard and felt his chuckle, the vibration making her heart pound.

"I love them, Marinette."

#type: story #story: oneshot #Flower Arrangement Shipping #((In which Marinette just wants the Couffaines to be warm for the winter.))#Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

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parasite-core · 3 years

Note

!!! I'm not sure if you've answered something like this before, but a la TMA, what would your OCs be avatars of? And I'm curious about whether you have any OCs on the backburner! I tend to have a lot of OCs that Ive made but don't necessarily have a whole story attached to them yet, and I was mostly curious if you do the same thing, and what kind of OC ideas you would be excited about in the future!

Haha you asked at a good time, because my friend and I just started a tma AU of our OCs last week so I have thought about it extensively lately.

Lucien would definitely be an Avatar of the Vast. He’s very Simon Fairchild about falling from heights. But also he has a thing for stars and the night sky, so he’d have a very space-centric set of vast abilities, and his go to horror would be leaving people in the void of space, seeing and truly comprehending the sheer enormity of space and how much emptiness is in between everything.

Haruki would be an Avatar of the Slaughter. He’s actually acting as the first villain in our AU. Haruki uses a crystal knife that infects people with wrath. People who act on it become like Melonie was with the bullet, Slaughter aligned although not necessarily an avatar in their own right. People who try to bottle up their feelings and avoid their anger, afraid of losing control or of what they might do to others, will be devoured by it, the crystals overtaking them and feeding in their fear.

Roland was a victim of Haruki in the AU. But if he were an Avatar I think he’d be an Avatar of the Lonely. He has a hard time making connections with others outside his close friends, it took him a long time to open up to the party in his canon campaign, and he spends large parts of his story outside the campaign alone.

Kiyo would be an Avatar of the End. Death and their relationship with it defines their life so much, even if they would want to escape it, it’s inevitable they’d become a part of it.

Sai in the AU takes a role similar to Gerry. If she were an Avatar, I’d say...maybe the Corruption. She’s been known to turn people she doesn’t like onto insects, so that in a larger scale. Either that or the Eye, because she is extremely intelligent and likes to Know things.

Kaius in the AU is an archive assistant. If he were an Avatar, he’d be an Avatar of the Hunt. He’s a vengeful person when you wrong him, and he will hunt you down if he thinks you deserve it.

Morris in the AU is a former assistant to Jergen Leitner. As an Avatar...I honestly have a hard time picturing Morris as an Avatar. Maybe the Eye? But that doesn’t feel right. I could see the Stranger maybe. Yeah I think that’s the closest to true to him.

Umbrolus in the AU is Umber, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Because we decided it would be funny if it were him instead of Kleio (who is based on Jon). So in the AU he’s going to be an Avatar of the Eye. This happened because he got traumatized by the entity that Umbrolus would originally have been aligned with, which is the Vast. Umber is on the radar of four entities: the Vast, the Slaughter, the Eye, and the Lonely. He has a lot of potential to fall to any of them from his combination of character traits. Although the Vast traumatized him and now he can’t walk outside at night without almost going into an anxiety attack.

As for characters I have on the back burner, I have two at the moment.

The first is Calio Caecos, an oracle who accidentally stumbled into just the right set of magical artifacts and rituals to start becoming a lich unintentionally. Calio is a bit of a narcissist, and because the beginnings of lichdom have caused him to start looking unhealthy (a la Voldemort) he’s very upset about this and trying to find a way to undo it (not actually knowing that becoming a lich is what’s happening, he just thinks he was cursed or something). His backstory is going to just be a list of different things he touched/stumbled into/nearly got killed by/did that was a bad idea, which led to the lichy end result. This includes a year that’s basically the black out drunk Skyrim quest where he doesn’t remember a thing that happened during it because of one of the many rituals/artifacts he touched that he shouldn’t have. He’s going to be my character in a Reign of Winter Pathfinder game. I expect he’ll die quickly because I’ve already rolled his stats and they aren’t good, but I think I’m going to have fun as long as he lasts. He’s going to be a bit of a terrible person and a huge flirt, which I don’t usually do, so that’ll be different.

The other is a elf magus named Caladrel. I made then to be a one-off character in an arena fight against Umbrolus in the RP I was doing with him, but I liked them a lot after the scene was over so now I’m holding onto them as a possible backup character for either Umbrolus or Calio. I don’t know much about Caladrel yet, except that they travel around seeking challenging opponents, are honorable, but also don’t like when others hold back against them so they are willing to egg their opponent on if it’ll mean a better fight.

#my OCs #ephemeralelysium #thank you for the ask

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hearthhhh · 4 years

Note

Could I get a matchup? I'm older than your usual audience at 33 lol. Non-binary pansexual. I love Mystic Messenger, BNHA, and Seven Deadly Sins. I'm told I'm very sweet and understanding, but I can go full protect mode when needed. I like BJDs, sculpting, reading and video games. I'm a major goth babe even if I'm fluffy. I have green curly hair and green ish grey eyes. I've been through literal hell but keep smiling for my friends because they need me to be their light.

Okay ball jointed dolls look hella cool and I never really knew they existed until this ask. Also I originally paired you with Jirou, but I think you wanted a matchup more your age so I took that into consideration!

I pair you with…

🥢 This took me a bit... I looked through heroes and couldn’t find anyone, and the second I started considering villains, I thought Shigaraki was perfect.

🥢 I feel like Shigaraki wouldn’t pay attention to anyone that isn’t a villain. Heroes to him are scum, and he has no problem murdering the innocent. So you’d have to be a villain, and eventually would join the league.

🥢 I think you being apart of the Liberation would make this a whole lot more interesting, but I don’t want to risk spoiling anything for you. So I’ll stick with plain and simple, you’re apart of the League of Villains.

🥢 I can imagine your aesthetic mending really well with the League. They mostly dress in cold dark colours, and I feel like your goth babe vibes would fit nicely.

🥢 You’re so sweet I cant imagine you being a villain without a huge reason. You’re doing this to protect someone, maybe a best friend. The League is eventually made aware of this. Dabi’s the one to reveal it, moodily and a bit rudely.

🥢 You’re such a mom to the League. You dress their wounds, try and keep their sleeping schedules in check. I’d imagine you fawning the most over Toga and Twice. You’d try with Dabi, he’s a hot mess, but he pushes you away.

🥢 What’s really important to Shigaraki is loyalty. You create strong platonic bonds and protect your friends really well, so I feel like that’s why Shigaraki noticed first about you.

🥢 Shigaraki would begin to warm up to you after a fight. He sees you mercilessly defending a wounded league member, and Shigaraki’s able to properly see how seriously you take this whole villain thing.

🥢 After this, Shigaraki reluctantly lets you sore on him. He’ll glare, scoff, and sigh in irritation, but sometimes he’ll lean into your touch. Shigaraki would never voice it, but he loves getting his wounds treated by you. He also likes the caring attention you give him, especially due to the significant lack of attention he gets on a daily basis. Shigaraki’s so touch starved.

🥢 So you guys get closer that way, with your protectiveness looming over the league like a protective cloak. You love them and they look up to you. Shigaraki’s admiration for you grows steadily.

🥢 You two play lots of video games together! He hates losing and gets pretty sucky about it, so sometimes you’ll let him win. But you both have fun and exchange playful banter!

🥢 Considering your parental nature , I feel like Shigaraki’s sense of humor would bring you just a bit of concern, but be an entertaining dynamic. He has a dark and offesnive sense of humour, and I feel like you’re softer and a bit fluffy.

🥢 You know that one meme where person a says “someone will die” and person b happily adds on “from fun!”? Yeah that’d definitely be you two, to an extent. While you definitely fight when it comes down to it, especially in self defense, you’re softer in comparison to Shigaraki.

🥢 Getting into a relationship with Shigaraki would be a little difficult. You’d have to know him well to understand exactly what he’s getting at. But then again, also knowing Shigaraki, he’d have to have known you for a long time and understand you like the back of his hand (unintentional pun oop).

🥢 You two don’t ever really confirm your relationship at first. Shigaraki would ask you casually and kinda gruffly to go out, maybe to eat, and that’s all the confirmation you need that this is a bit more than platonic. He’s acting reserved and you can tell the question brought him significant embarassment. Shigaraki even asked you out in front of the rest of the League, who are watching through warry eyes because why the fuck is he acting so wierd? But you get the underlying message, somehow.

🥢 After you two start going out there isn’t really a change in your relationship. Shigaraki looks after you with concern and tries his best to match the parental concern you emit like second nature. He admires that aspect of you and tries to show his appreciation by doting over you to the best of his ability. Others say it comes off as nosey and a bit heavy, but the poor boy tries his best.

🥢 He’s really protective of you. Shigaraki wouldn’t so much as let people look at you too threateningly, let alone raise their voice, and stays glued to your side during missions.

🥢 Shigaraki likes chilling in your room. He’s afraid to touch any of your BJDs or sculptures in case he accidentally turns them to dust, but he likes admiring them from afar. It gives your room a cool vibe and he likes being in there, sometimes wordlessly walking in and finding a place to sit randomly.

I pair you with…

🥢 I’d imagine you catch Merlin’s attention. You’re pretty well known in your village for your sculptures, and she catches wind of your talent. She comes asking for a sculpture for a spell.

🥢 You two get along pretty well. You’re really open with what you do, and Merlin admires your sculptures and praises you. I think she’s also have an interest in BJDs, maybe even have a small collection herself.

🥢 Merlin grows intrigued with you from your first meeting and visits you several times afterwards.

🥢 I feel like Merlin is the type to have a ton of contacts, so she keeps in touch originally just to have you as an acquaintance she can go to for favours. She’s alright with popping by a couple times to help you out with some stuff, and you’d have a magic tool that you use to keep in touch with her.

🥢 It takes a while for Merlin to start to get to know you well. During some of her random visits to your village, she catches you with your friends a couple times. Imagine her literally just appearing behind you, calling out from the weirdest places. Peeking out from a rooftop, sitting at a table that you could’ve sworn was empty when you looked at it a second ago, walking out of a dead end alley. Merlin’s full of surprises.

🥢 But on that note, Merlin likes seeing you with your friends! She thinks you look full of life, and you’re always smiling and just overall so giddy. She admires you from afar from a lot, or pops in and joins you all because she likes seeing you that happy and carefree.

🥢 Eventually you ought to notice Merlin’s interests. So you invite her over for tea, hot chocolate, coffee, whatever you prefer. Merlin isn’t picky I see her liking just about everything.

🥢 But you guys chill pretty regularly after you reach out to her. You’ve opened the door to friendship rather than acquaintanceship. Merlin usually shows up unannounced, but at least comes at reasonable hours, like in the afternoon.

🥢 I bet Merlin would bring small nicknacks from her adventures, and learns after bringing a book that you like reading! She takes that into an account, and now whenever she visits brings one book from whereever she traveled. Invest in bookshelves, buddy, cause Merlin’s going all out!

🥢 Merlin’s definitely a big reader too. I can totally imagine you two choosing one book from the collection Merlin steadily brings you, you two get together to talk about one book you’ve read after the month is over. It’s really cute and casual and overall great bonding time.

🥢 Merlin is definitely the type to sit down and talk thuroughly about a relationship. I’d imagine she literally sets a date for when she’d like to talk, even calling you before hand.

🥢 Merlin tries to be as friendly as possible, and the conversation isn’t as intimidating as you’d think! You two sit down and talk maturely about what you’d want in a relationship, what your boundaries would be, and what pace you’d like the relationship to go at.

🥢 Afterwards there is a noteiceable change in how you and Merlin act. She’s much more romantic and definitely surprises you with flowers a lot. She doesn’t leave a note with them or anything, she’d love leaving them in random parts of your home for you two find.

🥢 Merlin would totally be the Queen of romance. Dates with her are the absolute best and so romantic. She likes taking you to faraway places and spoiling you rotten.

🥢 Merlin loves that parental side of you, and as much as Merlin tries to spoil you, you ultimately win her over a lot.

🥢 Merlin loves when you make her hot drinks and force her to rest and eat. She’s the type to overwork herself to the point of fainting, although she rarely shows anyone. But you can see how tired she is, and how she stubbornly pushes through it.

🥢 Merlin is a sucker for cuddling! It gets her to stay still and rest, too. So really it’s a win win; Merlin’s able to settle down, and you two get to be mushy and romantic.

🥢 You guys aren’t the most mundane, but you guys are spontaneous! There’s always a surprise around the corner when you’re with Merlin! She’s a really exciting and romantic partner.

I pair you with…

🥢 I bet you and Yoosung would get along almost immediately!

🥢 You two would obviously bond over video games at first. Yoosung’s very vocal about the interests you two share and is excited that you click so well! You guys would end up totally flooding the messenger, and the rest of RFA would have to usher you two into private text messages.

🥢 If you’ll let him, Yoosung can talk to you for hours. He likes people who are nice and just overall loves your vibe.

🥢 While Yoosung tries to brush of your parently doting, he sorta needs someone to remind him to eat and sleep and basically take care of himself. Yoosung would show his appreciation later, telling you how great he feels and thanking you immensely.

🥢 You guys start to build this really cute friendship. You two bond over the smallest things, and make up the RFA’s cheerleading duo. You guys are both so supportive of everyone else and everyone looks forwards to your commentary whenever they share anything with the group chat. Even if the comments are late, you and Yoosung never fail to share your words.

🥢 No one’s really surprised when you two start hanging out regularly. You guys just get along so well you basically drift to each other’s sides.

🥢 You two become a powerduo that everyone sort of loops in together. Your names are usually in the same sentence. You’re basically the same person.

🥢 Yoosung frequently talks about his lack of success in his love life throughout your friendship. Gradually, you begin to think of him in a different light, and I’d imagine you gain a crush on him slowly. Yoosung on the other hand falls for you hard, near the beginning of your friendship. Except he doesn’t voice anything because he likes being around you so much, he’s afraid to jeapordise your friendship.

🥢 You guys spend a lot of time being friends, and the rest of the RFA tease you two occassionally. To them, it’s pretty obvious you both caught feelings. Jumin even makes it a point to state how pointless he thinks the secrecy is. Why not just confess?

🥢 Yoosung eventually bites the bullet and tries to mention it as casually as he can. But knowing him, this comes out the opposite. He’s pretty awkward about it and stuttering over the phone. Yoosung basically confesses that he has feelings for you, but respects how you feel. He practically prepares for a rejection, he sounds so sad.

🥢 When you tell him you feel the same he’s ecstatic!

🥢 Prepare for daily rants on the groupchats from Yoosung about how much he likes you. Everyone’s relieved you two finally got together, and they praise the both of you.

🥢 Being in a relationship with Yoosung is the absolute sweetest. He’s so supportive of you and whatever you do, and he’s forever showering you with praise. He’s awestruck at the simplest things and loves you so much.

🥢 You’d definitely have to be aware of how he’s handling himself. While Yoosung is pretty vocal about how he’s feeling, that makes taking care of him easier.

🥢 Yoosung is really vocal about just about everything. This really builds the foundation for trust, and you guys don’t really have any barriers when it comes to sharing things. Overall, you guys have a really healthy relationship and you’re just two really sweet babes.

#mystic messenger matchup #mystic messenger #seven deadly sins #bnha #mha #boku no hero #my hero academia #bnha matchup #seven deadly sins matchup #matchup

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loudgothbf · 3 years

Note

I'm not denying any of that stuff you said. What I'm saying is: what do you want us to do about it then, if it's true? We can't help you, you don't want our help, you can't get your own help, you don't want our advice, you don't want to talk about what happened, so then what do we do? What are we supposed to talk to you about then?

“The truth is, I want to talk about it beyond what I am now, but that’s a very vulnerable thing for me and I don’t want to be seen as weak, because being seen as weak means being seen as a target, and we’ve all seen where that landed me before. That’s why I’ve been avoiding rehab-- beyond the fact that it’s such a restrictive environment where basically all of my already very limited choices are taken away, I mean. Rehab means I get to talk about it, but I also have to be seen as too weak to have fought back and kept any of this from happening, too weak to stand up for myself and leave when I had the chance back in high school, and too weak to deal with what I’ve been through without falling back on a habit that I know almost killed me before.”

“And it’s also embarrassing to talk about all of that stuff. Just... what happened to me in concept alone is embarrassing. It was designed to be humiliating, and so admitting that it happened is also humiliating. That’s part of why no one ever came forward. There was just the constant threat of humiliation, and just enough doubt that everyone ended up blaming themselves and thinking they were completely alone.”

“There’s no good solution and it scares me. If I go to the hospital, I have to walk fifteen miles, which would take me five, six hours, which is plenty of time for me to get freaked out and change my mind. Not to mention I still have a very fresh memory of being mugged while I was walking alone, so the idea of venturing that far knowing that no one is looking out for me is terrifying. But if I make it there, then I have to go through withdrawal, which is miserable. I’ll be in constant, horrible pain for hours or days, and then the symptoms will last for weeks, if I even survive it. Because the fact of the matter is, while the chances are better that I’ll survive it in the hospital, I could still die. And then it would’ve been for nothing. But then, after the hospital? After I get medically stable? Then I have to go get locked up with a bunch of strangers who all have drug problems of their own, which means at least a portion of them are gonna have anger problems. And I can’t stand the idea of being locked in a place like that, constantly being monitored and bossed around, not being allowed to look like or feel like myself, and surrounded by people who are looking for any outlet they can find. Especially if I’m weak. Especially if they know what happened to me, because it... it makes me seem like an easy target.”

“And the therapy part of it... the idea of having to dump all this out to a therapist who could more easily make things worse than better? Someone who’s job it is to decide whether or not I can go out on my own and not end up back on drugs? Do you know how tempting it would be to lie to just get out of there at that point, with how tired and isolated and stressed I would be? And add on top of that the emotional toll of having to talk about what happened to me and ‘take responsibility’ for the role I played in my own problems. I know that they’re not telling me that what happened was my fault when they say that, but it sounds like I can’t put any blame on the situation for how I’m feeling, so I’m just supposed to blame myself for everything.”

“Not to mention the reason I started back on drugs was to help myself with the flashbacks and nightmares. When I’m not on them, will I even be able to sleep? Especially if it’s the only thing I’ve been allowed to think about all day? I probably won’t be able to eat, because I’ll be so nauseous from the withdrawal that I won’t be able to keep anything down. And I’ll have to take even more time off work, which means I may lose my job completely. Not to mention every minute spent in rehab feels like it’ll be just another minute I’m giving to Yuta. Even if that’s a twisted mindset to have about it, that’s what it feels like. As if every minute I spend thinking about him and talking about him rather than ignoring him and trying to pretend it never happened is just another one on the tally sheet. And then I go through all of that, maybe I get sober, maybe I talk about it and... then what? I’m terrified that I’ll never be happy without the drugs, that I’ve destroyed everything about me that made me fun or interesting or... someone that people want around, and I’ll end up just being alone and miserable, and either just live out my life waiting for something to change, or relapse and die knowing that nothing ever will.”

“It’s not true that I don’t want your help, it’s just that it frustrates me that it’s not as easy as you all say it is, and... and you all make it sound so easy. And you really... can’t help me, and it scares me because I’m starting to think that nobody can. That I’m just a lost cause, that the only thing that’s going to make all this stop is me just dying. But then I’ll never have done anything with my life except wait to suffer and be used.”

“I just... I have to convince myself that I don’t want help and that I don’t want to talk about it, because if I start to believe that I do want those things, then I’ll have to acknowledge that the reason I’m not doing them is because I’m scared. And if I’m scared, then I’m weak. If I’m scared, then I’m an easy target. So I have to make sure that no one wants to help me and everyone thinks that I’m just choosing not to get help for whatever reason rather than being too weak and afraid to get it.”

Mega Truth 3/5

#Mega Truth #Anonymous #answered

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kikikiyoomi · 4 years

Text

Bokuto X Reader One Shot

Angst

The way of the Ace

“Don’t you wonder what determines the limit of things? The limit of people? How do you know you’re about to break when your thoughts are all about moving forward? Can you really move forward without breaking yourself?”

——————————————————————

“You know our love would be tragic

So you don't pay it no mind.

We live with no lies.

Hey, you're my favourite kind of night...”

——————————————————————

Your favorite song is playing on the radio. It wasn’t really your favorite but you can’t help but to remember this song every time you recall your first night with Kotaro. It wasn’t that much but the way things happened seemed magical to you. It was after the finals of Spring Interhigh Tournament. They lost that they but you were surpised to see Kotaro not fazed at all. That very day, he asked you out on a date. You went to an amusement park. You rode almost all of the attractions. You both went nuts that day. Midnight stroke and he asked you to ride the Ferris Wheel with him. It was really high and that scared you. You’re afraid of heights but you trust him so much that you managed be fine riding the attraction. Its pace was slow. From above, you saw the beauty of the lights lit up. The city view, the number of people having fun. Kotaro started singing his favorite song. It was a rare sight of you to see him singing. You reached the peak of the ride. It stopped for 5 minutes. Kotaro held your hand and asked you sincerely to be his girlfriend. Ore like he told you that you would be his girlfriend. Of course, you agreed. You love the man, don’t you? You’ve been chasing after him for years and now you finally made him look at you.

“Hey...” kotaro broke the silence.

“Hmm?” You mumbled, resting your head to his shoulder.

“Be my girlfriend.” He whispered.

“You didn’t have to ask. Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I already knew to myself that I’m going to fall for you.” You replied. It felt nice and warm. You should be shocked right now because all of a sudden, he told you to be his girlfriend but why aren’t you feeling so? It’s because since then, he became your home. He became the shelter of your emotions and you know that whatever happens, you are safe with him.

“...yeah” he held your hand. Both of you were enjoying the view of the city lights.

It was ecstatically calm.

But how long did that calmness and ecstasy lasted?

A month? A year? You forgot to count. You were sure that your love for him will last a lifetime but how come his didn’t even lasted for long?

Since when did everything fell apart?

You sang along the song. Tears are falling from your cheek.

“...yeah, since when?” You laughed.

Kotaro were one of the players to represent Japan. All throughout high school, he never once forgotten to ask you to come to his game and watch him play. He said you are his strength. It doesn’t really matter how many people cheer for him. You’re all that matters to him and that’s how he gets his strength and confidence to win. You’re his ace so do you.

But since when did you became a bench warmer?

It all started during soon as he became a member of MSBY Black Jackals.

He’s always away for practice. When he gets home, he’ll just eat and then sleep. It’s like you’re living with a ghost who just appears when it’s in need.

You can’t even talk to him anymore. You can’t even approach him and watch his games.

You can’t stand it anymore. You broke your promise to him and attended his last game against Shweiden Adlers. You were sitting on their courtside and you can’t help but notice the girl beside him. Is that their new manager? You don’t know such thing anymore. You felt belittled and that struck a pain in your chest. You quietly continued watching the match. It’s now in a match point against the Adlers. It was his turn to serve. You can’t help but to smile and be proud of your love. He’s standing there in front of a whole crowd, playing against the strongest of the strong players in volleyball, he’s still the ace. He will always be the ace. You were about to cheer on him and when a certain voice caught your attention.

“...Go kotaro?” You confusingly asked yourself. You very much knew that even Akaashi doesn’t call him by his first name and so does hinata. Who is this girl? What is her place in his life? You asked yourself. Who are you? What are you to Kotaro?

You watched as the match came to close. They won, of course. He’s the best and you very well know that. It was their time to exit the court and head to the change room. You followed him and the girl. You need answers. As much as you’re scared to know what’s happening, you must know it. You have to know it. You need to.

“But Kotaro! I wanted to cheer for you! Why can’t I do that?” You heard a voice coming from a hallway.

“It’s still not the time for this. Can’t you be more patient?” Kotaro replied. He’s mad. He’s..... holding her hands and trying to calm himself.

“But when will you say that I’m your girlfriend? How long will you hide me from them?” The girl asked. She was crying.

“I love you. I promise, as soon as things settle down, I’ll marry you right away. I already gave you the ring. Now let me fix my mess and be patient. I promise to comeback to you.” Kotaro replied. He kissed her on her forehead.

Marriage? Mess? Just what is going on?

Your eyes filled with tears. You are sobbing hard. You are clenching your chest. Your heart hurts so much that even breathing seems hard. You are having hard time breathing. You can’t see what’s in front of you anymore. It hurts. It hurts so much.

“Why are you here?” Kotaro’s voice shocked you. The girl was gone. Now it’s only you and him.

“What’s that? Who is she? Marriage? Love? Just what the hell is happening?” You asked weakly. You can’t say these words bravely. You are crumbling inside. God, you’re in so much pain.

“What is it to you? Why do you care? I told you one thing and you can’t even follow it?” He annoyingly asked. Why is he mad? Is he even serious?

“Just tell me what the fuck is happening.” You looked at him in the eyes. Your eyes met his. While your eyes are drowning in tears, his doesn’t have any emotion in it.

“I’m done with you. I don’t love you anymore. I found someone better and that’s it. I was just waiting for you to take a hint and leave.” He replied.

“I understand. I’ll be going now.” You wiped your tears and left. Tears stopped falling. Warmth left your body. You rushed home and decided to start packing your things. You are leaving. You are finally leaving him. Why? But how will you take a step and leave his house? Why can’t your legs move? Why does every corner of his reminds you of the love you once shared? Why does this have to happen? Is he even the same man? What about the promises you both said to each other? What about those? Was any of that even true?

You are now packing your things. Your own things. You are leaving his gifts, his hoodies, his jerseys behind. Even the letters he wrote to you. Even your most prized possession. The disc he gave on your first anniversary.

You sighed. Just this time. This one last time, you’ll watch it and then leave after. After this, you’ll leave everything behind. You inserted the disc into your laptop. It automatically played.

“Hi Babe, if you’re watching this... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Ehem! Ehem! I just want to thank you, my love, for being my strength. Without you, I won’t get to where I am right now. You are the reason behind all of my victories, Baby. I’m glad that I met you and that I fell in love to you. I love you. That will never change. I promise to always be by your side and to never get tired of you. You are my only muse. Forever and ever. I don’t know what I would do without you. You made me who I am today and I will be forever grateful for that. I’m not good at giving gift so I’ll just sing for you instead.” You are once again crying. You can’t help but to cry. You love this man so much and now he’s gone in your life.

“It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold,

But tonight I'm gon' let you know

Let me tell the truth

Baby, let me tell the truth...”

You stared at his face while he’s singing. He voice is good. It’s very soothing. You can feel his warmth. You can feel safety from him. You can feel home. He is home. He is your home.

“You know what I'm thinking,

See it in your eyes.

You hate that you want me,

Hate it when you cry,

You're scared to be lonely,

Specially in the night.

I'm scared that I'll miss you,

Happens every time.

I don't want this feeling,

I can't afford love.

I try to find reason to pull us apart.

It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect,

And I know that you're worth it

I can't walk away.

Even though we're going through it

And it makes you feel alone

Just know that I would die for you

Baby I would die for you.

The distance and the time between us

It'll never change my mind, 'cause baby

I would die for you.

Baby I would die for you.”

You covered your mouth. You are crying hard. God, the pain is even more worse. It’s ripping you apart. You can’t express how hurt you are. It’s even hard to breathe. You can feel your heart breaking.

“I would die for you.

I would lie for you.

Keep it real with you.

I would kill for you, my baby.

I'm just saying.

The distance and the time between us

It'll never change my mind, 'cause baby

I would die for you.

Baby I would die for you...”

The video ended and so your heart. You stood up. You cooked on last meal for him. You folded his clothes. You cleaned the whole house. You looked around. There’s no things left that belongs to you. Even the owner of this house isn’t even yours anymore. You no longer belong here. You sighed started grabbing your things. You sighed deeply. One last note. One last note.

“Baby, I hope she makes you happy as much as I once did. Starting today, I’m no longer a part of your heart. Your house is not my home anymore. You are not my person anymore. Today, we’re nothing but strangers who once shared everything. I love you and I will always do. “

You took a step out of his front door. You went inside your car. You left.

—————————————————————————

0 notes

supertam87 · 7 years

Note

How are you still a fan of Sam after all he's let happen to the fandom and to shippers in his name? You haven't personally been hurt by it so is it easier for you to ignore and pretend none of it ever happened? I'm struggling with my feelings about him and would love your insight.

As I have always said, I fan how I choose, and do my best to allow others the same privilege. If anyone reading this thinks I am talking about you, I promise you, I’m not.

I am sorry that there are people in the fandom who feel hurt. Its a shame that that was the result of something that should have been a fun and light-hearted experience. Please, however, don’t make assumptions, even posed as a question, such as ‘You haven’t personally been hurt by it so is it easier for you to ignore and pretend none of it ever happened?’ You don’t know what I have and haven’t been hurt by in this fandom, or by whom. I’m not pretending or ignoring anything. But I’m also not letting things have more presence in my life than they deserve.

You ask how I can still be a fan of Sam. First of all, I don’t believe that Sam did anything to fans, or allowed anything to be done to fans. I’ll talk more about that later. Even if I believed Sam did do something, that still doesn’t require me to stop supporting him. There is no one on this earth who has ever hurt me as deeply as my husband. No one has ever hurt him as deeply as I have. We don’t set out to hurt each other, but life is messy and people are imperfect. This is why I work every day of my life to practice the brutally hard art of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t an ‘If/Then’ equation. It’s not, ‘If this person is submissive and humble and admits all of their faults, then I will forgive.’ Forgiveness is a single party activity that is not dependent on any other person’s actions or opinions. I can forgive my husband when he hurts me because I choose to, whether or not he has asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is for me, not him. Forgiveness makes me a better, happier, stronger person, more in control of my life. Let me ask you a question: Why would I NOT forgive my husband? Why would I hold on to anger, hurt or frustration? How would it benefit me? What would I get out of it? Heartburn, high blood pressure, anxiety - I don’t need more of that in my life. Besides, I know my husband is a really, really excellent man. His list of positive qualities is miles long. But he is imperfect, as am I. I forgive him, he forgives me, we focus on being better, learning from our mistakes and reveling in the soul fulfilling joy we find in each other. That is not ignoring or pretending, that is choosing our own happiness and health in spite of the messiness that is sharing life with another human. We are all responsible for our own happiness and happiness is a choice. My life is far from perfect and far from easy, but I am a generally happy person because I choose to be. Even if he did do something which hurt me (he didn’t), I can choose to forgive and move on. How can I still be a fan of Sam? Because I choose to be.

You ask how I can still be a fan of Sam after all he’s let happen to the fandom. He didn’t let anything happen to the fandom. We are not some unified group who get together each month and read the minutes and faithfully follow the bullet items on the agenda. Fandoms are very fluid bodies. There is no entrance exam, or document to sign, no oath to swear or dues to pay. People come and go as they please with no explanation due anyone at any time. Therefore, there is no control over what happens in a fandom at any given time, and my perception of this fandom is completely different from another fan, who may not be on Tumblr, but is on Twitter, or who is on Tumblr, but we have no followers in common. There are the Instagram fans, the Facebook fans, the multi-platform fans, the book group fans - and in each of these areas there are subsets of fans such as fanart, fanfiction, shipper, non-shipper, gifmaker, video maker, live tweeter, sam fan, cait fan, toby fan, graham fan, duncan fan, etc, etc, etc. There are thousands upon thousands of people who consider themselves part of this fandom. There are subsets of this fandom I probably haven’t even conceived of. We couldn’t possibly all share the same experiences, even in the same fandom, because there is simply too much diversity on every possible level. Therefore it is literally impossible for anything to happen to the fandom. You believe that something terrible happened to the shippers, but not even that is possible. Who are the shippers? Am I one, do you know how I categorize myself? We are all in control of our own experience. Sometimes that means not engaging or blocking, muting, ignoring, biting your tongue and generally not paying attention to people who don’t deserve your attention. It’s not Sam’s job to tutor us all about how to successfully fan, and it’s not his job to soothe ruffled feathers when one person hurts another person. How could he even begin to know? There are two sides to every story, so even if he was made aware of one side, what about the other side? We are adults. Our problems are our own. Not his. He has enough problems.

Again, you ask how can I still be a fan of Sam after everything that was done in his name. I don’t buy it. I refuse to hold Sam liable for other people’s actions. They are responsible for those actions. I am a Christian. I do not condone the thousands of years of atrocities that have been and continue to be committed in Jesus Christ’s name. I’m pretty sure He doesn’t either. I’m pretty sure Mohammed and Allah and myriad other well known figures don’t condone what was/is done in their names. I also believe that you are making assumptions about what Sam has condoned and what he hasn’t, what he knows and what he doesn’t and what his responsibilities are. Some people see malice where others see sarcasm. Some see apathy where other’s see focus directed somewhere else. We simply don’t know what has gone on behind the scenes, or what people really felt, thought or did. If someone was a horrible bully or troll (and there were several someones) that is on them. They made bad decisions. Really bad decisions. I do know that no one was required to engage with anyone else on Twitter or any other platform. Lucky for me, it isn’t my job in life to judge other people. My job is to do my best to be a good person and be good to other people. I believe we should try to lead by example. I am a fan of Sam because I don’t believe he did anything or allowed anything to be done to fans.

Do you really want to know why I am still a fan of Sam? You think you’ve been hurt by him, or someone associated with him? You think this has caused great distress in your life? Maybe it has. Here is something I know about Sam. His dad left him when he was three. Three years old. I have four kids. I know intimately what it’s like to have a three year old. I know how much they need. I know what it takes to raise a boy to manhood. It’s not easy. Sam had no contact with his dad. None. No advise, no outings, no support, no role model. He had no father. I’m sure this hurt him deeply and continues to hurt him. After years of absolutely no contact with his father, they were reconnected. His dad was dying of cancer. He did not push him away, tell him to die alone, tell him that he left so there could be no relationship, or any of a million other things he could have done. He chose the higher path. He traveled to see his father. He truly connected with him. He learned about him. He go to know him. He offered him love and support as this flawed man was dying. In short, he offered at least some form of forgiveness. I’m sure it was hard for him. I’m sure there were many horrible things he wanted to say. Maybe he did say them. But we know from his own words that it didn’t end on a horrible note. It ended on a positive, healing, healthy note. That’s pretty remarkable and admirable. That’s just one example out of many that illustrate why I think Sam is worthy of my attention. He is a good man. He is generous with his time, talent and wealth. He cares about people and he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty in the process of helping others.

You are absolutely not required to be a fan of Sam. It’s a supremely optional activity. But my question for you is why would I NOT be a fan of Sam? I have yet to hear a single person give me even one legitimate reason why I shouldn’t be a fan, considering that I should probably hold him to the same standard to which I hold myself. We’re both pretty flawed, messy humans. Isn’t life grand?

#sam heughan #outlander starz #outlander #forgiveness is a choice #life is good

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whale-shark-queen · 7 years

Note

You mentioned fucked up weird AUs in your one post? I'm interested. Tell me about your favourite one(s)!!

AAAaaaah thank you so much!!

Uhhhhhhh heck most of them involve N turning into some horrible Thing because he’s the Estranged Outsider with a Connection to the Bad Guys Even If It’s Not Willingly (yknow like how Eren from snk is a titan shifter or Rin from blue exorcist is part demon) and all of them involve vuvuzelashipping (Nxall the Nuvema lot) I don’t really have a single favourite but I’ll summarize the ones I like most (also note that some of them are good dad Ghetsis/Dadsis aus because u gotta balance out the angst somehow plus dadsis aus are Cool)

Under the cut because I literally can’t summarise for shit and I’m sure no one wants to scroll past 3 pages worth of this (mobile users I apologise since the app is SHIT and refuses to even acknowledge these)

Also here’s a bit of an index so u can skip to ones that sound interesting instead of going through them all but first u should ask nationalharmonica about her aus bc I love all of hers and they’re awesome and need more love and she also helped with alot of these aus too!! ESPECIALLY the Dragonflower au which I won’t include here because I think she has it on her blog somewhere already. If ur wondering why I haven’t posted any of these it’s because a) i have neither the skill, time or patience to draw up proper references for all of the characters involved and b) I’m always worried theyll seem too Out There for some people but here we go au masterpost i guess, if anyone reading would like more info feel free to ask!!!

Bacterial Contamination inspired au aka bacterial pestileNce

BotW au

Ib au

PMMM au (the longest one)

Plasma/Aether swapover, N wins+UB monochromeshipping au

Simple fNaf dadsis au

sister locatioN dicksis au (yes I have two for that because I only found out about the secret springtrap cutscene at the end of SL that changes everything the other day)

Nombie (dadsis) au

isolatioN au- Au based on the song Bacterial Contamination. N goes to the snobbiest most pretentious school you can imagine only because his ex mafia boss dad wants the best for him. N hides the fact he’s being relentlessly bullied until a teacher phones Ghetsis up asking why N is in such a state whenever he comes into school (BC bruises and cuts and looking roughed up in general). N goes to therapy and gets meds but surprise they’re an experimental drug and he’s a bug boy now

- BotW au where Touya is Link, Cheren as Revali, Bianca is Mipha and Touko is Zelda. Ghetsis (who is kinda like Demise if he hung around to make sure his curse worked) is the king of a neighboring region who’s a bit of a warmongering asshole but his son N is friends with princess Touko and her…ahem, associates, which is the only reason Touko’s dad stays civil with him at all. He uses this to his advantage and infects N with the Malice and reveals his plan to take over Unova, knowing fine well that N would run away to Touko for help. The truth is he’d set up N to be a ticking time bomb and eventually he becomes the Calamity. After the whole ~100 year coma and releasing the divine beasts~ thing Touya only remembers who N is after killing him but dw there’s a blood moon just as Touko is sealing the Malice away and N’s freed spirit is brought back to become a friendly giant fluffy spider boy just because I said so

- Ib au with N as Mary (obv Ghetsis is Guertena) except instead of going crazy and trying to kill everyone and being burned up and dying himself the toutous make him sit in the frame while they drag it out of the portal to the real world: problem solved. I have all this stuff about the others being able to step into his frame but he can’t leave unless someone else draws him so he can possess the drawing but I won’t go into it here BC this post is gonna be long enough already

-Okay I have two madoka aus because possibilities for N are Ndless but I’ve only really developed the dicksis version whereas I only have a witch design for a possible dadsis version so here’s the dicksis one. The first: Ghetsis is kinda like Walpurgisnacht and N was originally a familiar that represented Ghetsis’ interest being only in things that directly oppose him who was becoming powerful enough to become a witch of his own. Not wanting him to have even a fraction of power himself Ghetsis transformed him into a human shape, gave him sentience and intelligence and as close to a pure heart as possible so he would be easier to manipulate and led him to believe that magical girls/boys hunt down innocent witches for fun and have witches trapped in their soul gems and tasks N with stealing people’s soul gems to ‘free the witch inside’. The problem is that the alteration gave N the mindset of ‘innocents who aren’t involved must be protected at all costs’ rather than Ghetsis’ mindset of ‘don’t give a fuck about anyone unless they’re a problem’. N is also sent to integrate into human society so that he can find magical peepos easier so he ends up coincidentally going to school with the Nuvema kiddos. He ends up becoming friends with them until he finds out Cheren and Bianca are magicas (I’m just gonna call them that for simplicity) but even though the toutous arent magicas they still support them which is all very upsetting and conflicting for N but he tries his best to protect the witches and steal more soul gems until the others eventually call him out on it and prove to him that the shit Ghetsis told him is bull. When he goes to confront him about it it’s too late, Ghetsis has absorbed enough witches to become a Walpurgisnacht-like entity, and finally allows N to become a witch. I’ll link the drawings I’ve done of him but basically his labyrinth would be like a puppet theater and even tho hes the witch he’d have this fuckin giant messed up ghetsis-lookin puppet master familiar who pulls at his strings and coordinates his attacks. There’d be an audience of masked figures that look like all the magicas he’s caused the deaths of, tiny animals with scissors to represent his wish for freedom and also his fear of his ‘father’ since they never actually get to cut the strings holding him up, and figures that look a heck of a lot like the nuvema kiddos watching in a balcony. This is all tied into a theory I came up with that almost all the witches are able to be saved since yknow how Homura had that figure of Madoka locked away and Madoka was able to bring her back, and how Sayaka had the violin guy and Charlotte had that doll that probably represents her dead mother? My guess is that if the people those figures represent are brought to the witch and reach out to them the magical girl inside would be able to be freed. But yeah since N was never really a human the Nuvema kiddos can only really save a fraction of his conscious and he ends up like Bebe. They all beat the shit out of Ghetsis and everyone lives happily ever after with their pocket witch bf

- the au where 1) plasma and aether are sort of swapped around and 2) N beats the toutous in the final battle. This is actually based on nationalharmonica’s courtesaN au which is awesome BTW (but it doesn’t involve actual courtesans or N being a courtesan at all but its Sarah’s au so if you’re interested you should totally ask her about it). Ghetsis keeps Touko and Touya prisoner and just to rub it in their faces blackmails Cheren and Bianca into joining and doing sciency experiment shit which ends up with Touko and Touya becoming UB fusions/hybrids themselves; Touya with Kartana and Touko with Celesteela. Ofc in the later stages they are able to destroy their place of confinement and escape with Cheren and Bianca to find N who becomes understandably fucked off and upset that his friends have been put through all this shit but begs them not to kill Ghetsis so he can ask what’s going on. When he does Ghetsis stabs him with a syringe full of UB fusion shit because he knows fine well hes gonna die he just wanted a final ‘fuck you’ before he is killed by both fire and paper cuts. Surprise! It’s a Guzzlord. N becomes a big squishy boy. I’ve done drawings of N in human Guzzlord fusion/hybrid form but I’ve been afraid of posting it but uh if anyones interested i will

- Simplified fNaf dadsis au - basically N and the Nuvema kiddos are the ones that were killed and stuffed in the animatronics, Ghetsis owns the place but risks going bankrupt pouring money into helping find the culprit and also his son and his friends when they’ve been stuck in the one restaurant he kept open to stay afloat. Nate is the new nightguard and they decide to fuck with him to get rid of some of the boredom of being alone together in the one building for like…30 years or so. In the end they fess up and make Nate pizza as an apology and they’re chill again

- sister locatioN dicksis au - I already summarised a thing i wrote of it in response to an anon but I’ll include here too. Once again Ghetsis owns all the shit with the animatronics. Anthea and Concordia get killed by one of them when they were young so years later Ghetsis sends N down to ‘free’ them (surprise he only wanted to get rid of N) but since their spirits have been fused into one hideous amalgamation of animatronics they’ve gone a bit loopy and want to leave. The whole scooping room thing ensues and they accidentally turn their brother into a zombie

- Nombie au bc Z is a sideways N heheh I ahven’t thought up much of the background for it but it involves Plasma being a pharmaceutical company that is sort of accidentally being the cause of it. N gets separated from his dad who ends up being the leader of a large group of people in a little town sort of thing they were able to reclaim but is Sad bc he thinks his son is dead which ends up being half true bc surprise N is half immune and ends up being a conscious zombie boy who wears a curtain as a cloak so he doesnt immediately frighten people bc he got his eye shot out by hillbilies, his face scratched up, his throat bitten out and his heart impaled on a pole (hes a freak without a human heart geddit) zombie apocalypse stuff happens

- isolatioN au - basically spawned from the thought of ’what if N was kept even more hidden away/locked up/never even left at all’. Plasma is instead secretly in the Pokemon poaching/hunting/selling business but are disguised as…well you already know about Plasma. The nuvema kiddos had varying levels of rough childhood and were desperate for money so they all joined up; the toutous as night guards and the dualrival s as researchers. Hidden deep in the facility is a certain tree haired manchild who has been kept in a cage for pretty much his entire life. Ghetsis does a mother gothel and makes out its to keep him safe and brings him Pokemon to ask about where they live and what other kinds of Pokemon live there so that Ghetsis can release them safely back into the wild go hunt for more Pokemon in the area if there’s anything good there

There’s a few more that I have but I won’t include them because im worried it’d be a waste of time if no one takes interest in any of these but uh thanks for asking and reading if you did!!!

#n harmonia #natural harmonia gropius #ghetsis #trainer bianca #cheren #trainer touko #trainer touya #someone is gonna give me hell for putting this shit in the tags i just know it #honestly im terrified of posting this because i cant write or draw for shit #the only thing im vaguely good at is coming up with ideas for things #but here we go

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nessxclausfan-blog · 6 years

Text

Nightmares

I have been a Mother fan for a while now and I decided to write my own stories. I love all 3 games and they're my favorite RPG games. My OTP is the couple that doesn't get enough attention and deserves more. That couple is Ness x Claus. There's something about those two that tells me that they would be perfect together. So my stories will always be about this couple.

Also in all of my stories Claus will always be alive at the end of Mother 3, though I will sometimes change how he survives. That game broke me and I cry every time Claus dies. Anyway let's get on with the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mother series it belongs to Nintendo and it's wonderful creator Shigesato Itoi.

Ness didn't know how or when it began. All he knew was that out of the blue he started having nightmares about his fight with Giygas. Every time he closed his eyes he would always find himself surrounded in darkness. He would then find himself face to face with the monster that he had destroyed. The only difference would be that he would be alone. No Paula, Jeff or Poo. He would fight Giygas alone only to lose every single time. He hadn't gotten much sleep for weeks now.

Right now it was night time which means that he would have the nightmares again. After changing into his pajamas Ness climbed into his bed and pulled the covers over himself. "Maybe tonight I will finally get some sleep." Ness thought to himself. He closed his eyes praying to get some sleep.

Ness sighed as he found himself surrounded in darkness. Giygas then appeared and Ness started to cry. "Why? Why can't you just leave me alone damn it! You're dead! You're fucking dead! So how can you still be here?"

"I will always be here."

Ness blinked. Well that was new. Giygas would always say the same words like "It...hurts it… hurts. I'm… happy. I...feel...good and I'm so sad." along with other things.

"What do you mean that you'll always be here?"

"Just what I said. Do you honestly think that I would leave? You KILLED ME now I will torment you forever!"

Ness was hit by a powerful wave of energy sending him flying backwards. "You're not real. You're not real. YOU'RE NOT REAL!"

"I am real. It was your insecurities that forced me into being. It is your cowardice that keeps me here all because your afraid you will never have what you want. That is why I will always be here. Goodbye.”

Ness gasped as he shot up from his bed panting. Ness looked at his clock and sighed as he saw that it was only 1:30am. “Great that's even earlier then last night. That was weird though, my nightmares are usually about me fighting Giygas. I’m afraid of that I will never have what I want, I know exactly or should I say who he’s talking about. It’s not like he feels the same way I do about him. God I’m really messed up.”

Ness had spent the rest of the night staring up at his ceiling with multiple thoughts running through his head.

Ness's alarm clock went off at 7:00am. Sighing he turned it off and slowly got out of bed. Grabbing a change of clothes he headed to the Bathroom to take a quick shower. Today he was supposed to meet Ninten, Lucas and Claus at the Cafe for breakfast. Ness smiled at the thought of Claus. Yes he admits that he has a huge crush on Claus, but feared that he didn't feel the same way about him. Ness loved everything about Claus. His Orange hair, his smile, his personality and even his non human parts like his robotic arm and eye.

After finishing his shower Ness headed to the Cafe in Onett to meet with the others. Upon entering the Cafe he noticed that he was the first to arrive. Picking a table he sat down and waited for the others to arrive. Ness was to busy thinking about Claus that he didn't notice the others arrive.

Ness snapped out of it when someone snapped their fingers. He looked up and blushed when he saw Claus staring at him with a smirk on his face. "Well look who finally came back to the world of the living. Thinking about what to order?"

Ness laughed nervously. "Yeah, that's it. I'm deciding between Pancakes or French Toast."

"Hey Ness!" Lucas said with a smile.

"Hi Lucas. Hi Ninten."

"Sup Ness." Ninten replied.

The other three took a seat and picked up the menu on the table.

"So how are you guys doing?" Ness asked.

"Pretty good." Ninten said.

"Great." Lucas said.

"Not to bad." Claus said. "What about you?"

Ness frowned for half a second before smiling. "Never been better."

Ness noticed that Claus's eyes narrowed at his statement. Now that he thought about it, Claus always did that every time he said that. He began to wonder if maybe Claus knew that he was lying about being alright. “He couldn’t know could he? Lucas and Ninten believe me. Maybe I'm overreacting."

"Are you sure your alright?" Claus asked again.

“Fuck he knows." Ness thought to himself.

"Yo Claus he said he was fine so leave him be." Ninten said as he placed the menu back on the table.

Claus was about to say something when a waitress came over. "Sorry for the wait, can I take your orders?"

Ness sighed with relief at the distraction. "Yeah, I'll have some Blueberry Pancakes with extra syrup."

The waitress wrote it down before looking at Lucas. "What about you sweetie?"

"I'll have 8 Omelets please." Lucas said kindly.

"I'll also take 8 Omelets." Claus said.

"And I'll have some French Toast."

The waitress nodded her head. "Okay, I'll be back in a little while with your orders." she said before leaving.

"Oh yeah Ness I almost forgot!"

"What is it Lucas?" Ness asked.

"On the way over here the 3 of us were discussing about having a sleepover. So are you in?" Lucas asked.

Ness shrugged. "Sure I'm in. Who's house will it be in?"

Ninten beamed. "Yours of course!"

Ness raised an eyebrow. "Why mine?"

"Isn't it obvious? Your house is bigger then all of ours." Ninten replied as if was a stupid question to ask.

It was true Ness's house was bigger then all of theirs, but not by much. Though this might be the chance that Ness was looking for. It was decided at this sleepover, Ness would confess his feelings to Claus.

"Okay, when is it?" Ness asked.

"Tonight." Claus replied.

Ness nodded his head. "Alright, I'm looking forward to it." “Hopefully I won’t end up waking up and screaming. That will be embarrassing and I’ll have no choice but to confess to everyone else.”

The waitress had finally come with their food and they all ate in silence.

It was around 5:30pm when Ness heard a knock on the door. "Don't worry mom I got it!" Ness said as he ran toward the door and opened it. "Hey guys."

Lucas was the first to walk in followed by Ninten then Claus. "We're gonna have lot's of fun!" Lucas said with a smile on his face.

Ness laughed. "We sure will."

"Boy's, Tracey dinner is ready! Go wash up." Ness's mom called out.

"Okay Mom." Ness replied. "Come on you guys can put your stuff on my bed."

Ninten, Lucas and Claus placed their stuff on Ness's bed before heading to the Bathroom one at a time to wash up.

After dinner Lucas, Claus and Ninten followed Ness into his room where they played video games until it was bedtime. Everyone changed into their pajamas before heading off to bed. Before Claus could enter the Bedroom Ness grabbed his human arm. "Claus can I talk to you for a minute?"

Claus blinked and looked into Ness's room only to see Lucas and Ninten giving him a thumbs up. Both of them knew about his crush on Ness and they both encouraged him to tell Ness his feelings. "Sure Ness."

Ness and Claus walked further away from the room. When they were away from the Bedroom Ness took a deep breath. "Claus, we've known each other for a year now and I know that you might not agree with me, but I love you Claus. I loved you since I first met you."

"Ness when I first met you I knew there was something special about you. My heart leaped every time I saw you and I didn't know why. Now I finally realized why."

Ness gasped. "Do you mean that-"

Claus smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah, I love you too."

Tears started to fall from Ness's eyes and he wrapped his arms around Claus before kissing him on the lips.

Claus was surprised, but then wrapped his arms around Ness and kissed him back.

Ness ran his tongue over Claus's lips as if ask permission.

Claus opened his mouth which allowed Ness to stick his tongue inside his mouth. He let Ness's tongue explore around his mouth before he started to have a tongue war with Ness. They broke apart after about 2 minutes.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me." Ness said with a smile on his face.

Claus wiped the tears out of Ness's eyes. "You know it's not nice to lie to people. I know that you're having nightmares Ness. You may have fooled my brother and Ninten, but you don't fool me."

Ness sighed. "Yeah, this morning I finally realized that you knew all along that I was lying. By the way, how did you know I was lying?"

"How did I know? It's because your not the only one who's been having nightmares. Well I used to have nightmares but not anymore. My nightmares were about my time as the Masked Man and how I tried to kill Lucas. During our final fight I tried to kill myself. I used my remaining strength to fire a powerful electric attack at the Franklin Badge so it would reflect back at me. But Lucas figured out what I was doing and quickly tore off the Franklin Badge and tossed it aside causing him to take my attack instead. I honestly thought he was going to die, but we brought him to the healing Hot Spring right by where we fought and he quickly healed up in no time. Of course we got into an argument with each of us calling the other an idiot, though the real idiot was me."

Ness smiled. "Well I'm glad you survived. You're not going to try to do that again will you?"

Claus shook his head. "No, I learned my lesson. Suicide isn't the answer to one's mistake. I'm glad that everyone forgave me and I'm glad that I met you."

"So how did you get your nightmares to stop?" Ness asked.

"I simply just slept close to Lucas and suddenly they just stopped. Maybe it will work for you too." Claus replied.

Ness took Claus's hand. "Shall we find out?"

Claus nodded his head. "Yes, let's find out."

Both of them walked back into Ness's Bedroom only to see that Ninten and Lucas were waiting for them. "So are you two a couple now?" Ninten asked.

Claus rolled his eyes. "Of course we are. Now I'm tired so I'm going to bed. Come on Ness." Claus walked over to Ness's bed and climbed on with Ness following after. Claus wrapped an arm around Ness and pulled him closer to himself. "Goodnight Lucas and Ninten."

"Goodnight Claus and Ness." both replied.

"Goodnight guys." Ness replied back.

Claus smiled. "Goodnight Ness, have pleasant dreams."

Ness smiled back. "Goodnight to you to Claus."

With that said both fell asleep and after that night Ness never had a single nightmare ever again.

#Ness #Claus #NessxClaus #nightmares

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