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pascallatte · 1 year

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oh sweet live

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x actress!reader

Summary: after a short social media break after their announcement, they decided to go on live just to spoil another thing and just them answering fans.

Date: February 2018

warning/s: future spoilers(??), age gap

Taglist: @benonlinear, @t-stark35, @heyitsme-2, @elleeeee21, @holmesstrange, @tagakalat, @flyestvenustrap, @oldermenaremyreligion, @cherryred444, @avengersheart, @guacala, @pukka-latte, @hobiismyhopeu

A/N: some sort of a filler chapter cause I like it when celebrities do live and stuff.

“Hello everyone!!” You said, setting up the camera when you saw the comments flooding in. You were in your apartment about to go rest when you decided to go on live. This would be your first appearance since you’ve gone public with your relationship, so doing this without preparation or guidance is scary and nerve-wracking. But still, with you being you, you decided to do what you want and let them do what they do.

Once the camera stills from being moved around constantly, it can be seen that you were sitting on the floor in what seems like your living room, given the couch and kitchen behind you that you’ve stated was behind the living room. Sitting on the floor with just a jacket and sweatpants on, bare-faced, with your hair down just how you like it, your coffee mug near you, you looked comfortable and ready for bed. But here you were.

“Anyways, hello to those who are watching. I’m sorry I’ve been absent from the media lately…” you said apologetically as you gave the viewers a small smile. You watched the comments roll through, often about how you are, what you’ve been doing the past month, and of course about you and Pedro, the main event of your live. “…life has been busy at the moment, but I promise you new projects will come.”

Drinking from the cup, you reached for your laptop, placed behind you on the couch. “Y/n, how are you doing these days?” You read, “hmm….. I’ve been doing good, going to the gym has been a new habit of mine, and I don’t regret it,” enthusiastically, as you flex your arms under the fabric of your jacket.

“What are you doing this valentines day?” Squinting your eyes as you read it, debating whether you should answer it or not, “for valentines? I don’t know, we- I haven’t really planned anything yet,” you lied as you scrolled through your laptop.

“Where’s Pedro?” With a knowing look, you sighed, leaning back on the chair. “So it seems like the comments are filled with questions for Pedro,” raising your eyebrow you decided to tease them. “Guys, I’m the one on live why’d you keep asking for that old goose,” you joked leaning on your hand that was propped up on the table.

“You should do a q&a, y/n-”

“q&a?? How? I mean it’s not like I’ll do it,” you replied still looking at the comments. “Open your twitter and search up your name- oh now that’s interesting,” once again, reaching for the laptop placing it on your lap.

“Tha-that’s something I haven’t really thought of doing, but I’ll do it for you guys as a sorry for my absence.” The clicking of the keyboard was heard before an “oohhhh,” was heard from you. Widening your eyes, you looked back and forth from the screen of your laptop to your phone which was capturing all of your reactions.

“These are- woah. I should do this more often, it’s….interesting to say the least,” you mumbled to yourself. Looking back at your phone, the comment section was flooded with requests that you should read some tweets and say what you think. And to think that you weren’t showered with hate in the comments made you feel less tense than before and that alone made you continue.

“Read some?? Sure, but I’ll have to make sure these are internet friendly as much as possible”

Humming at the first one, “one of you guys said here, ‘I fucking knew they were dating, what kind of friends would travel alone to one’s hometown just for fun’ to defend ourselves and others who do it, many would do it if you’re close and comfortable enough with them so yeah.”

“I wish I was Pedro’s girlfriend,” laughing at that, “oh boy, umm no comment.” Your response earned some complaints from the live’s comment section, but you paid no mind.

“If y/n ever scrolls here on Twitter and sees this, I just want to ask you what is your guys’ favourite pass time snack?”

“this is cute- favorite pass time snack??” You thought for a moment,

”OH mine is some good ice cream and fried combo, why you ask? It’s because growing up there’s this small old store near my house so every time class ends I go there to get some, and it’s been my favourite ever since. And Pedro’s are- it kind of changes every time we order some in but he’s been eating tacos recently so I think that tells us something.”

Scrolling through Twitter, your reactions vary from almost bursting out in laughter, to being uncomfortable, surprised, and in awe of the sweetness of the tweets. “Y/n and Pedro are literally couple goals, from the way they were seen the past years, I can tell this relationship isn’t new,” you read. Silence passed for a couple seconds before looking at your phone.

“Should I tell to you guys? I mean you should’ve seen how long we were in his post but..” You paused as a notification rang through, “oh ok- ah going back. As I was saying, I would think that you guys should know by now but the comments say the other. So long story short we’ve been together since march of 2015,” you said as you shrugged your shoulders as if what you’ve said wasn’t that much of a big deal.

The comment section went wild at your reveal, stating that they were deprived of the information and that they should have sensed a shift in your relationship at that time of the year. you went back to checking your Twitter and this time searching Pedro’s name knowing that he has more ‘interesting’ content. As you were about to read one, your doorbell rang making you look at the phone before standing up, “be right back.”

Your rushed footsteps can be heard before the door squeaked as it opened. Whispers can be heard in the background making the people in the comment section excited, knowing the only person that would enter your apartment at this time of night was the one and only Pedro Pascal.

Pedro was seen peaking from the side of the camera before laughing and a smack was heard. Ruffling sounds started back again before you were seen in the video once again but now with a jacket in hand. You placed it on the couch as you leaned to read the comments on your phone.

“I’m back, was that- yes that was him,” you confirmed, knowing that they’ll only ask more if you denied it. “Can we see him? Uhmm..” You look to the side to where your room was, “I’ll ask him, I don’t want to if he doesn’t want, it's been a long day,” you explained thoughtfully and softly in hopes they would understand.

You waited for a bit more for him to come out, now dressed similarly to what you were wearing. “Cielo, they’re asking for you,” you whispered. “Is it on live?” Pedro was heard making the viewer's spam comments.

Nodding, “yeah, d-do you want to join or you’d rather rest?” You said reaching for him off-screen. He only stood up, making his first appearance as he rounded the couch to sit next to you. Reaching for your cup, he sips a little, “hi, how are you guys doing?” He greeted before reaching behind you to pull you to him.

“What were you doing when I got here,” he looked down to ask you. “I was reading tweets on Twitter, they told me to and I got curious. Want to join me?”He silently nods before taking your phone.

“Hi, Pedro- hello y/n’s followers. You don’t mind me taking over this live do you?” He teased which made you chuckle as you leaned on his shoulder, while the phone was propped up on his knees. Letting them have a look at your current position which the watchers found cute and “oddly comfortable” to them.

“Okayyy, so you were reading tweets right?”

You only nodded in response giving him the laptop, for him to read. “Did you buy the stuff, I told you to?” quietly as you leaned away from him to look behind you. “Yeah, I think so. But I wasn’t sure about the other things.” Humming you stood up and ruffled his hair before going to your kitchen.

“Soo internet...Let’s do this,” he went back to scrolling through Twitter. “Apparently we got our Javier Pena and Catalina Mendoza continued in real life. Hmm- actually it’s we’ve been rolling on it even before Javi and Lina got together.”

“If y/n ever needs someone to come to comfort her when they break up, I'm here just to let you know,” Laughing at the tweet he turns to you, “Y/n will you ever break up with me?” Pedro asks the very confused you.

“What? What do you mean?” You ask as you popped your head in frame, face clearly confused. “This person was telling the whole world that if we break up they’ll be there for you.”

“Ohhh, well to whoever you are yo-it won’t happen sometime soon so don’t wait up on me.”

Pedro breaks out in a smile while exaggeratingly placing a hand on his chest, “Awww, she loves me.”

Chuckling, “Actually I take it back,” a gasp was heard from Pedro before you went back to doing what you were doing.

Huffing,” okay, so someone saw us in the gym yesterday and quote in quote “if I knew they’d show up in my gym today I should’ve worn my booty shorts. Y/NNN NOTICE ME!” He shouted which made you look at him again before sighing.

“” Now that Pedro and Y/n have confirmed they're dating, I want them in a rom-com.NOW.” oh a rom-com? I mean sure, you never know, we might be working on one right now,” he teases as he looks at your phone whose comment section was wilding up.

Finishing up what you were doing, you closed the fridge before making another cup of coffee because you know for a fact that Pedro has finished it. Taking a cup, you fill it up then walked back to where he was, of course still reading off of Twitter.

“Hello again,” you said as you sat down. “What’re you reading now?” You asked peering over his shoulder.

“They were asking for spoilers for projects.”

“Oh! That’s confidential all I can say is that we’re having so much fun in shooting-“ you gesture to him, “- and preparing for it,” pointing to yourself.

Both leaning back on the couch, you slither your arm around Pedro’s waist as you point at something before laughing. He gives you a look before covering your mouth before you can speak. “Please, y/n don’t. Please oh god!” Embarrassed he face-palmed before looking at the phone.

“Fine ok ok, I'm sorry. I won’t,” you said still laughing your ass off. You reached for your coffee and gave Pedro a side-eye knowing that he was already looking at what you were drinking.

“Cielo, you’ve already drunk my first one. How ‘bout you lay off of the coffee, yeah?” A grunt was heard from him before he closed the laptop, focusing on the live instead.

“How long have you been on?”

“Uhmmm, 10 minutes I think. Why?”

“Nothing just wanted to know why you weren’t asleep yet. It’s like past midnight already,” as soon as he said that you looked at him adoringly before pinching his nose.

“Nowww, ‘can I be in your video?’ We’re not entirely sure how that works but I’m not sure sorry.”

“Someone’s asking you why you were spotted with Tom Cruise the other day,” he said with a small smirk. Knowing that you can’t really tell them why, so it’ll be fun to see how you come up with an excuse.

“I don’t know actually-no I do know, we- well I was walking to the cafe I was frequent at then he like sort of popped out of nowhere so-yeah. Isn’t that right P?” You looked towards him only to see him holding back his laughter. You shook your head no which made him lean on you circling his arms around your waist.

Changing the topic,” our plans for the summer? Of course to the beach, just not sure where,”

"Plans for Pedro’s birthday? Hmm, that’s a surprise for you guys and himmm," squeezing his cheeks.

“Who are your top artists?- she's currently listening to Adele and I’m listening to all sorts of stuff but I’d still say Prince, obviously” he sassed, making him shake with your laugh as he was still leaning on you.

“Quebec? we just visited during the winter, and got back on the second week of January, I think.”

You let out a loud gasp, “Pedro! Pedro!” slapping his shoulder.

Looking up at you, disturbed, “What?”

“Nothing was just reading the comments” your laugh was replaced by a wince when he pinches your side

“Would y/n get a tattoo soon? Who said she doesn’t have any” teasing the comment section. In which you laughed as they bombarded you with “what is it?”, “When you got it?” and weirdly enough “where is it?”

“English or Spanish? What do you mean, like in conversing or career choices?” Pedro reads aloud as he lets out a breath, which made his tiredness show.

Nodding, ”I’d like to do another Spanish film or series though, you?” You look at him playing with the roots of his hair while he answers, “I’d use any, as long as I like what’s going on.”

“Who would you like to work with- Nicholas Cage, absolutely,” you giggled at his quick response.

“I don’t really have one 'cause everyone looks fun to work with but I’d want to do more adventure or action movies” you answered, making your answer as brief as possible.

Caressing you back, Pedro looks at you, confusion painted on his face, “You’re already in one though?”

“Huh? What do you mean? I haven’t done one after wrapping up for Ocean’s 8?” You pleaded to him with your eyes hoping that he gets you were faking your confusion.

“No y/n the big one, with all the planes and jet- the one with-“ his voice came out muffled as it was your turn to cover his mouth with your hand. Silence enveloped the room as soon as he registered what he had said along with the look of shock on your face. Clearing out his throat he nods and then went back to leaning on you.

“What’s your workout routine?

“Oh, that’s a nice question” he perked up almost forgetting what he almost spoiled a while ago.

“I lift and-uhh, and running is a thing I do now.”

“It’s called the tom cruise regime guys go look it up,” backing away from him you took his shoulders to make him look at you.

Looking at him wide-eyed, conversing with him through them again. Pedro looked back at you, but this time watched as you take the phone.

“Hi, guys so uhm, we actually have to go or else you’ll have to witness the murder of your beloved Pedro Pascal. Bye!!” You quickly ended the live after that.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x actress!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x female reader #jose pedro balmaceda pascal

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lovelybrooke · 2 months

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It is I! I’m gonna be talking about Velvette finally. Also I hadn’t read your post yet but you asked for some help with stolas Ozzie and fizz and fortunately for you I’m hyper fixated on helluva boss and Hazbin hotel so eventually once I’m confident I’ll try to give you my ideas.

Now Velvette is a mix between vox’s personal obsession and Val’s cosmetic interest towards the reader. She learns of the reader from Val and Vox, and gets mixed information from the two, Val speaking of the reader based on how defensive Angel has been to Val and Vox shareing the less interesting parts of the readers life (like their hobbies) I personally find Velvette will be the last to grow an interest, but even when she does I think it’ll be more moderate, at least compared to Vox who I personally headcanon infodumps about the reader.

Also if the reader meets Velvette I feel in a way Velvette would be the least scary, because she isn’t that tall looks relatively human and uses internet lingo (also my head canon, and this is not to say the reader uses slang or internet terminology its just the reader might be familiar with it)

Velvette at first only tolerates Vox’s tangents about the reader for Vox’s sake, I know for a fact that Val would get impatient or say something snarky that bothers Vox. And because of velvette’s tolerance to him he might bless her with saved footage of the reader that he treasures or thinks is intimate (for example the reader writing something important in a diary or drawing something that might be expressing how they really feel. Or a honest smile that they rarely hold).

I also can imagine once Val has finally taken an interest of the reader, and thinks about them more often, Velvette and Val have conversations about them, without Vox though, because their contrasting perspectives on the reader has caused some tension. Val shares this morbid conception of the reader, comparing them to a pet, and sharing some information he managed to gather from Angel Dust, albeit little information.

This obviously puts Velvette in this unique position where she’s hearing information about the reader from two separate sources, and at the same time her conception and image of the reader being blend of Val and Vox’s. Val’s image of the reader being something worth complimenting makes Velvette see the reader as this doll. And Vox’s more intimate and personal image of the reader pushes Velvette to think the reader might be a chill nice person to be around.

And how this mixed conception applies is more calm? Or natural? Compared to the other two, who have more extreme conceptions. For example once Velvette takes a small liking to the reader she starts noticing certain clothes and fashion choices that don’t look good on her might look really good on the reader. When a model of hers presents an outfit Velvette might think ‘this’ll look really cute on the reader’, Velvette might even find songs that remind her of the reader (I personally see her as a gal who listens to a lot of music and values music taste. But this is also just a headcanon)

Velvette doesn’t constantly think of the reader, it’s only when certain things remind her of the reader, which just tells me that she isn’t that obsessed. She probably likes the idea of enforcing her tastes onto the reader but otherwise also enjoys some of the differences between her and the reader. It makes her a little more open to subgenres in music and fashion (especially if the reader is into that)

Velvette is basically the type of girl who might push reader into doing things that they don’t want, but she also would balance it out by letting the reader do things they want. She wants the reader to adopt some of her tastes and mannerisms, but she’s also just as equally interested in the readers tastes and mannerisms. Sure she might not fully respect the readers boundaries but at least she isn’t going out of her way to dehumanize them like Val does.

She’s much more moderate because she rarely ever hears of or sees the reader, and I imagine some things might change once she meets or interacts with the reader. Like I imagine her being the type to get really jealous and maybe might make the reader a little insecure to ensure they stay with her. But at the moment she probably doesn’t think that way cause until she gets to spend time with the reader she’ll probably be more interested instead of obsessed.

yeah more stuff. I'm really excited to hear your stuff about Helluva Boss.

Yeah like I mentioned in my last post, Velvette is kinda in the middle when it comes to her obsession for reader. She doesn't necessarily want to know everything about them like Vox, but also doesn't see reader as an object like Val. I think like you mentioned, Velvette wants reader to become like her, sorta. She still wants reader to have a personality separate from her own, but that doesn't stop her from pressuring reader into doing things they don't want to do, especially if she believes it's something she has to do.

I think everything Velvette has learned about reader she's learned against her own will, either from Val or Vox. It's even worse when they're arguing about reader because they barely acknowledge she's there. However, this works to her advantage because she doesn't have to work real hard to learn about reader. She's also smart, and knows how to talk about you based on who she's speaking with. When she's around Val, she's more possessive, objectifying even. While when she's with Vox she's more open and aware of readers emotions. This makes it hard to know what she truly thinks of reader.

But once she does gain an interest in reader, she's a pure mixture of both of the men she lives with. She's jealous and mean in ways that are reminiscent of Val, but also very aware of readers emotions like Vox. I don't think she, or anyone else for that matter, is really aware of what she actually feels for reader, but she doesn't really get a choice to not be exposed to them, so she might as well buckle up for the ride.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #platonic yandere hazbin hotel #yandere hazbin hotel

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expiredc2 · 4 months

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Omg as a writing prompt/ idea how about bimbo reader messing up a really simple recipe and Carmy has to guide her literally through every step. But he’s not demeaning to her in any way he just genuinely wants to teach her how to cook

first time ever writing a prompt yay! (this one ended way longer than i thought??)

today you wanted to learn how to cook, but only a simple recipe that internet told you was "easy." you took this task upon yourself as overtime, you felt bad for carmy always cooking for you and it was about time.

the simple recipe in question was a mac and cheese recipe, which shouldn't be too hard, you thought. carmy ended seeing you in his kitchen, whining quietly while scrolling deperately on your phone and reading the recipe.

"baby you doin' alright?" he asked worriedly as he watched you scurry around his kitchen. you nod lazily, not even trying to hide that you don’t have anything under control.

"yes carm, i'm fine, i got this," you attempt reassure him with a half-meant smile but it was clear you really needed help. "i'm just trying to cook babe.."

he smiled shyly from the thought of you wanting to learn how to cook. he rushed to your side, wanting to help you.

"so, what're we making here?" he says while examining both of their surroundings, seeing a bunch of food items scattered everywhere across the counter that are presumed to be ingredients.

you sigh heavily before turning around to face him with a pout. “mac and cheese..”

he pulled you in to give you a playful kiss on your forehead before pulling back and brushing your cheek with his thumb. “you seem to be struggling, you want some help?”

you nod while giving that pouty look again. carmy smiles as he lets go of you and allow him to help you.

“let me take a look at the recipe,” he sticks his hand out waiting as you hand your phone over to him. he skims through it quickly and gives it back to you when he’s finished.

he starts reading out the words on your screen slowly. “let’s start with the first step, alright? okay so it says here to boil your macaroni until ‘al dente’ for 8 minutes.”

“okay and what the hell does al dente mean?” you giggle between saying your sentence then bending over to get a pot from the lower cabinets, filling it up with water and setting it on the stove.

carmen take a brief moment to think of an explanation that’s easy for you to understand. “it means still somewhat firm.”

you listen to him explain while staring at the “heat knob thingys” on the oven confused. carmy notices your obvious confusion and walks over to help you.

“carm, how hot should this be..?” you ask shyly, embarrassed to ask while looking over your shoulder to see him.

“around… here,” he sets it to a certain heat before giving you a quick smile, making sure you take in the information.

you pour macaroni inside the pot of boiling hot water and let it cook. you start smile, feeling proud of yourself.

carmy ended helping you make the “roux” or whatever fancy cooking thing he said. he noticed that the instructions was a bit too complicated for you and didn’t fully understand it so he decided to watch from the sidelines and jump in whenever needed.

the recipe required a saucepan, but you ended up taking a different pan without noticing. once you placed it on the stove, carmy tapped on your shoulder lightly.

“baby, you’re using the wrong pan, the recipe says you need a sauce pan,” he says softly, trying not to sound condescending.

your cheeks flush in embarrassment and rush to get the sauce pan. “right, you’re right.” you say in a meek tone.

you started to embarrass yourself even more but carmen didn’t even seem to mind. like, you forgot to add milk to the “roux” which he immediately noticed and helped you with it.

“so next time, remember to add the milk, okay baby?” he gently rubs your back trying to comfort you.

you needed his help again when you had to stir in the cheese. you were intimated by the heat and it became difficult to stir.

“carmy baby, it’s scary..” you whine while backing away from the boiling pot. he smiled then helped you by standing behind you and stirring it for you with his hands guiding yours.

your hard work paid off as you needed up finishing you mac and cheese. it was okay, but you were proud anyways. carmen was especially proud of you. he didn’t even care that the food was mediocre, he was just proud because it was your first time cooking and it turned out pretty good.

“look at you my little chef, you wanna come work at The Bear with me?” he teasingly asked, reaching over your shoulder and pulling you in.

“i would love to, chef.” you laugh softly, placing yourself deeper in his arms.

#bimbo reader x carmen berzatto #bimbo!reader x carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader

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kittarts · 5 months

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Hey. I’m a trans nonbinary person who is a HP fan, and thanks for being transparent and acknowledging that JKR sucks while also still holding a space in your heart for what HP was to you in your youth. It feels so difficult to find people like that online? The common consensus has become to condemn entirely and while that’s understandable, there are people who still love this series because it helped them through tough times and made them feel less alone. I think that’s worth noticing. Not everyone who still likes HP is automatically transphobic, nor are they someone who condones JKR’s awfulness on the many other things she unfortunately has an opinion about, and it seems like people forget you can separate the art from the artist—yes, even if said artist is still alive and kicking. Sorry if this ask is a lot. I don’t mean to start or engage in discourse. I just wanted to thank you, so again, thank you. Love your art.

I really appreciate you sharing your feelings on it! :) you’re not the first one to send me something similar actually.

Social media really shrunk my worldview, and it wasn’t until I started having these conversations outside of the internet that I realised those condemning others are actually the smaller majority haha. They’re just loud, and therefore they’re scary.

I can go to a friends house right now and have this discussion without fear of them hurting me.

I think it’s important for people to be given the space to decide how they feel about these things. To set their own boundaries.

To be an adult and say “Jk did this. And I’m not okay with it. Therefore I won’t be consuming any more Harry Potter” or to say “Jk did this. And I’m not okay with it. But I grew up with these films and they’ll always mean a-lot to me”. These two things can co exist, and neither side is evil lol. It’s literally just about deciding what is and isn’t okay for you.

Adding on; I'm referring to enjoying the films from your youth, don't financially support her in any capacity. I would like to think this goes without saying, but just to make sure.

#Kittchats #Calling trans and other lgbt folk transphobic for referencing HP or saying they loved the movies is insaneee and I’m not normalising that.

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leebrontide · 1 year

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Ok so I said I would do a post on “reasons you’re not writing” from the POV of a writer/therapist who works with anxious, depressed, and neurodivergent clients. If you dig that, read on.

But firstly, a disclaimer. This list is far from comprehensive. Don’t yell at me if your experience isn’t represented. This is a tumblr post. Have realistic expectations.

Also, sometimes the reason you’re not writing is that your other obligations are just taking all of your energy and focus. Fixing that is well beyond the scope of this.

That said, here’s a bunch of barriers I see people run into all the time.

1) You’re afraid of failing, and subconsciously feel like it’s safer not to try.

This is a tricky one, because it's probably messing up many areas of your life, which in turn means you're going to frequently feel stressed out in general, which speaks to the point above.

This is around about where the general internet will tend to offer you an array of affirmations to use to sooth yourself. And that's fine. If those work for you, then use them! BUT, if the affirmations aren't working, then friend you have a bigger project on your hands.

You need to get comfortable with failing, particularly at creative projects. I know that can feel scary and vulnerable, but you won't take risks if you can't fail, which is going to hem in your creativity so hard that your motivation will starve. This is why people talk about writing a garbage draft. Not because they want to make garbage, but because they need the option of making garbage in order to take risks. That may or may not work for you, but either way, you really might wanna look at how to lower your stakes.

2) You’re not sure what you’re trying to communicate.

You can make things happen in the story, but you feel like you’re wandering around aimlessly. You don't find you're making decisions with conviction. It might be hard to really fall in love with any of your writing decisions.

For this one, I suggest stepping back and figuring out what the core of your enthusiasm for a story consists of. That CAN be a message or philosophy. It can also be a feeling or a vibe or a dynamic. That gives you a structure that you can build your decisions around, that you can be enthusiastic about.

3) You switched hyperfocus. And maybe your new hyperfocus is a lot of fun, but you feel sadness thinking about the WIP you left behind.

This one has a similar need to the one before, with an added layer of nuance, because you're probably already struggling with identifying what does interest you. This can make people feel really hopeless and helpless.

I have three totally different suggestions for this one. The first is to just be patient with yourself. Sometimes it's good for your brain to just indulge, and let your brain mine for dopamine where it can. Like, lean in. Spa day for your brain, as long as it's feeling good.

Secondly, see if you can find creative ways to weave your hyperfocus into your writing. Is there a dynamic in your favorite show that can inspire your writing, even if it's an original work? Do you want to take a moment to think about how transportation works in the history of your world? Can you consider your MCs relationship to old movies?

It doesn't always work, but sometimes instead of trying to switch things over, you can build a bridge, that gives depth and texture to your work.

Finally- consider embracing short fiction! Do some writing inspired directly by the hyperfocus du joir while it's around.

4) You feel like nothing you say will be interesting to anyone else.

We understand this is a self-esteem issue, right? You're gonna have to develop the trust that your experiences are not so utterly unrelatable to everyone else that your perspective has no value.

Friend, you are a human, with human experiences, writing for other humans. Trust me, you can do this.

It can help to think about your actual convictions. What do you know? What have you experienced? What matters to you? Funnily enough, the cure for feeling like nothing in you is worth expressing is to pour more of yourself into your writing.

5) You’re collapsed. It’s hard to feel enthusiasm and energy for things.

You're not gonna like this, but for this one I encourage you to put your keyboard or notebook down and stop trying to write right now. I know that when you're feeling better the writing feels good, and you're trying to feel better because everyone is telling you to feel better.

But it's not working, is it? If it was, you wouldn't be reading this.

For many people, writing requires them to be able to feel investment and excitement, because those feelings help steer them towards what's going to work and be exciting for the reader.

Your best bet is to focus your energy on finding gentle little activities that aren't so hard to focus on. Ideally, ones that get you moving just a little bit. You'll have a better time writing when you're less collapsed.

Shaming yourself and getting hopeless and anxious because you can't do this really difficult task right now will make you more collapsed, not less, which will be the opposite of helpful.

And yes, these are depression symptoms. Consider reaching out for supports and assessment around that if you can.

6) You can’t figure out the next step.

Thank God for the internet, this one is a lot more actionable than it used to be.

The first thing to do here is step back and ask yourself "where am I getting lost?" If you have someone to talk this through with, even better.

Then you hop on to your favorite search engine and type in "Stuck on my outline 2nd act" or "can't get started editing" or whatever. People LOVE giving writing advice. There's plenty around. Read some advice! Try things out!

Now here is the critical point- when and if that advice fails, stop and figure out why it failed. For example, I have a short term memory disorder. Most writing process advice is for people who do not have short term memory impairments. So a lot of the advice just plain didn't work for me.

By figuring out that my subpar memory was in the way of my writing process, I was able to put together processes that work for my specific brain and my specific process. You can read about that in more depth here and here.

Frankenstien yourself a process out of stolen bits of other people's processes, with an understanding of your own personalized needs as the lightning that brings it all to life. If you have even traits of ADHD or autism or other forms of neurodiversity (no diagnosis needed) you might also google "ADHD editing hacks".

Finally, and maybe most importantly, chuck anything that you can't adapt right into the trash. I don't care how great the writer who gave the advice is. That's what works for their life and their brain. You have neither. Writing advice is only as useful as it is adaptable.

7) You think of yourself as someone who doesn’t finish things, possibly with history to back that up.

Oh, I feel this one. This was me so hard. For so long.

Make room for the idea that you can and will change over time. Getting shit done is largely a matter of developing a bunch of skills. You've already developed so many different skills in your life that you might not even recognize some of them as skills. But I promise you that you have.

But you see #6? Go read that one again. If you're not finishing things, it's because there's something missing in your routine and process that you haven't developed skills around yet.

I'm not gonna tell you it's easy, but you can find and isolate the barriers and figure out ways around them.

8) You have too many projects and feel frozen when you try to pick one to work on.

Ask yourself if this is a real problem. It may be! Maybe you dream of making a living off of your writing! That requires a level of consistency.

But it also might just be that you've had it drilling into your head that not finishing things is some kind of personal failing.

Write out all your WIPs and story seeds.

See if some of them can be mushed into one. Some AMAZING stories come from people combining story ideas that seem separate into a single story. That's fun.

See if some of them are not for finishing. What's that post going around? Some stories are for finishing, and some are just for "getting the wiggles out"? That's solid advice.

Maybe some stories are just for daydreaming on the bus. Maybe some stories are actually only 1/3rd of a story, and you want to leave it to grow in the ground before you try to do anything with it. That's incredibly valid and common!

If you actually look at the stories that you have that are for finishing, right now, you may find a much more manageable number. And if you only have like 2 or 3 things you're working on, you can just let them take turns as the passion for each project takes you.

Keep a file somewhere of these undeveloped ideas. I have a scrivner file that has each idea it's own little sub-document so I can add thoughts to them for years as they percolate.

9) You get lost in preparation and don’t make it to the page.

A couple different things can be happening here. One thing that may be happening is that you're just a writer who needs a lot of research and prep time before you write. I'm like that. I will prewrite intensively for a year before I write a single sentence. That sounds ridiculous to a lot of people but it works with how my brain works and then when I do start writing I can easily and happily churn out a consistent 2-4k words per hour. If it works it works! Don't let anyone shame you!

The other option is that you feel like you're going to get something wrong/fail/get in trouble if you get anything "wrong". You feel safer doing research, so that's where you stay.

Only you can figure out which it is. Introspect. Then you know whether to focus on managing anxiety or just keep preppin.

10) You want to write, but when you sit down to write suddenly it’s two hours later and you’ve written like 5 words but curated 3 new playlists, read some fanfiction, and argued with some strangers on the internet.

Brains are rough, aren't they.

There are two schools of thought here. Both work, but not for all the same people.

Option 1 is to clear distractions. Download one of those apps that keeps you off the internet. Put your phone someplace that you need a ladder to reach, so you have to very actively decide to go get it. Noise cancelling headphones. Comfy clothes. Protein rich snacks and a beverage within easy reach. Pee ahead of time. Make a routine out of it to train your brain into associating this with focus.

Option 2 is to figure out the optimal level of distraction. When I write nonfiction I almost always have mindless home renovation shows on at the same time. Because nonficiton writing isn't quite stimulating enough to hold my attention. So my attention wanders and I end up doing something that WILL hold my attention. When I write fiction, I need music OR to be outdoors where I can look at trees or clouds or people on the sidewalk. I can't watch any kind of TV.

Think of your attention like a pie chart. Different writing tasks may take up different percentages of that pie. If you're awesome at focus maybe you can just put 90% of your focus on writing, and the other 10% is just making sure you don't forget to eat or something. But if you can't reliably conjure up more than 70% for one thing, then fill the rest of the pie with things you can easily pick up and put down. I only look up at the home decorating shows when my passive audio scanning suggests it's something I want to look up at.

These are both good approaches. Ignore anyone who demonizes either. That only means they've found the version that works for them.

You have your brain. Build a process for your brain.

I hope this helps. I have a free monthly newsletter if you like hearing my rants. It is...not consistently about writing advice or mental health. One time I wrote about how genetically modified goats are related to French colonized Madagascar in the 1800s as well as the modern US military. One time I broke down modern challenges to medical privacy practice policies. This is all to do with what I write but in an idiosyncratic way.

Cause I gotta write about what I care about.

#writeblr #mental health #neurodiversity #writing #writing advice #writing process #writing procrastination

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midheavenastrology · 1 year

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Random Astrology Observations # 3

~hey y’all back with some rando astrovations 😇 these ones are pretty personal placements 🍀

Thank u so much 444 reading 💜💜💜

❁❁❁Is it because I have Chiron in Gemini that I’m always cold around my arms and shoulders 💪 when it’s cold 🥶 outside, like I’ll legit be wearing a short skirt with no tights but have three layers on top with a thick ass coat but I’ll only be cold around my arms and shoulders+hands !!! what is this sorcery ? 🤨

✾✾✾Having both Venus AND mars in the 11th house is both beneficial and unfortunate because 11th house is the internet, it’s ur hopes+dreams and friends. This means when you achieve ur dream life, u might have tons of people loving it for you (Venus) while the other half will give you the evil eye (mars) 🧿. This also brings in haters/rivals (mars) but also huge fans/besties (Venus) on the internet.

✿✿✿Gemini and Virgo placements (honorary mention Sagittarius placements) how many tabs u got open on safari rn ? I’m a Virgo moon and I got 153 rn lol 😆

❀❀❀Someone said being a life path number 8 isn’t about obtaining power but it’s about EMPOWERING others and that really hit. My personal fave thing to do is gas peeps up. It’s like that weeknd song ♬star girl♬ “I just wanna see u shine cus I know u are a star girl~” ✨🥹✨

✯✯✯Taurus placements are just as “gothic” and dark as Scorpio placements - remember they’re sister signs so they’re similar yet different. Taurus tends to express it more in how they dress/how it manifests in their physical realm. Like my Taurus sun ex was covered in tattoos and wore all black all the time. For Scorpio its def more internal. I know tons of Scorpio suns who wear bright colors and floral patterns lol. They actually tend to have more of an aversion to scary things- like horror movies and death metal etc. I think it’s because they feel it internally already so they don’t need the outer world to affirm it for them.

★★★ Mutable signs are actual legit crazy tho- lol, if you have a ton of mutable placements, you’re probs a little coo coo bananas and that’s ok. I’m mutable dominant and I get called out for changing my mind every two seconds ! Probs broke some hearts because I’d be obsessed with someone one minute and next my pisces venus will be like ..hmm maybe not..Oops 😬😅

✦✦✦Did u know most serial killers are mutable signs ? It’s because our mood are changeable, as are our personalities. One minute they think they’re doin a sin and the next they’re like “oh I’m eating this man’s heart and it’s cool” 😂

✩✩✩ Speaking of which did u know ur mood changes from day to night ? I think u embody ur sun sign in the daytime and moon sign at night. They say that you also embody ur moon sign when ur inebriated. Lol

✦✦✦ I’m so tired of the stereotype that Virgos are all clean, anal neatfreaks- I actually find virgo placements to be some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. True freaks (not neat freaks thank u- although that stereotype is actual truth lol) They get this rep for being these bookish, boring germaphobes but if u dive rly deep they’re visionaries- they notice everything, every little detail of ur stupid life. They probably know u better than u know yourself.

★★★Also they have the BEST style- probs because again they notice all the details-they study every fabric, every style icon, touch all the different textures and come to a style that is completely their own.

❏❏❏I’m sorry but if u have Taurus + Libra placements prominently in ur chart, u really DO care about how ur partner looks- physically. Like it’s rly hard 4 u to date someone who isn’t ur type physically. It’s because of the Venusian influence. Again, the low vibration of Venus is vanity. We are attracted to beauty like moths to a flame 🔥

☾☾☾ having lots of oppositions in ur chart can make you feel one way but act completely different. For ex: moon opposition Venus manifests as someone who wants to be a quite pleasant and charming, in fact you probs are naturally a charmer and really lovely to be around, yet you don’t allow yourself to express it emotionally.

✪︎︎✪︎︎✪︎︎Libra placements are such devils advocates lol. 😈 It’s def because you see two sides to everything, just like Gemini (also devils advocates) you can empathize with the other, so when ur friend is bitching to u about someone, u see the opposing sides view as well and try to “justify” their perspective. Hence the scales of balance ⚖️ that’s why a lot of y’all are lawyers lol

✡︎✡︎✡︎ 8th house placements are ur secret superpower 🦸‍♀️ 8th house is power, 8th house is dying and coming back stronger, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes 🔥 for ex: I have Uranus in Sagittarius in the 8th house: my power:shared resource that I gift is the awakening of ur higher mind. (Sagittarius is the sign of the higher mind and Uranus is the great awakener) I basically open ur third eye 👁 wide open lol (legit tho, my friends who have become closer to me have progressively become more spiritual and witchy since meeting me lol) tell me what ur 8th house placement is in the comments ✨✨✨⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️💪😉⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

#tumblr astrology #astrology #capricorn #zodiac #aquarius #taurus #gemini #scorpio #astrology observations #astro observations #astro notes #astro thoughts #11th house #life path 8 #numerology #spirituality #8th house #virgotraits #mutable signs

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depravitycentral · 8 months

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Yandere Machi Komacine General Profile

Yandere! Machi Komacine x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, violence, decapitation, murder, slight infantilization/Machi thinks you're incapable but it's more frustrating than creepy, Machi has some emotional issues processing and she can't regulate her feelings well, mentions of assault, mentions of non-con, Chrollo plays a major role in your kidnapping because he's a nasty man, threats, explicit depictions of torture, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 10K

Shy

In general, Machi likes the idea of being a protector.

There’s something endearing about the idea of having a sweet little thing to call her own and to keep hers, and having a darling who isn’t as prone to interacting with others is ideal for her. It helps quell her possessiveness, acting as an additional comfort to know that they don’t willingly start interactions with most people.

Plus, this is helpful for her, specifically, because it means that her darling won’t be constantly trying to talk to her.

It’s not that Machi doesn’t want to speak with them – she does, desperately – but rather that it’s so difficult for her to be vulnerable that a darling that isn’t excessively talkative to strangers helps bar her from saying something embarrassing or weird or scary.

It helps calm her nerves, knowing that her darling is more withdrawn and struggles to effectively communicate with strangers, and in a lot of ways it makes Machi’s heart warm.

Because in some ways, they’re similar – Machi isn’t shy, per se, but she’s not the most talkative, and a darling who shares this trait is adorable to her, someone she wants to wrap up in her arms and keep protected from the world.

(And keep the world from seeing them, of course, but that doesn’t sound quite as poetic or romantic.)

She just likes the idea of a shier darling, not only because their easily flustered state in social situations is endearing, but also because it makes her job much, much easier.

Optimistic

In a lot of ways, Machi wants someone who is the opposite of her.

She needs someone who is soft, warm, fuzzy, and – above all else – not nearly as pessimistic as her.

Machi has good reason to be so negative – a tumultuous childhood coupled with a life of crime hardens a person and makes them expect the worst case scenario, but even she can admit that there’s something endearing about a darling who sees the world with rose colored glasses.

It’s refreshing, something she’s utterly unfamiliar with given her lifestyle and companions, but it’s sweet in a way.

Perhaps a bit naïve of them – something that makes Machi silently scold them for – but cute nonetheless.

It’s like her darling is a ray of sunshine, one she desperately needs to keep her from falling into a void of negative thoughts, death, and theft.

And really, it’s this trait above all else that prompts her infatuation to form – her darling is just so damn positive, always trying to make the best of situations, even to a degree of irritation.

It makes Machi want to throttle them, anger growing in her veins because they need to be more realistic about others’ intentions, if only for their own safety.

But it also makes her want to envelope them in the tightest hug, keeping them firmly against her chest and hearing their soft breaths and warm voice, her skin prickling pleasantly because it feels so good to have someone so happy in her arms.

It makes her happy, too – no easy feat.

Homebody

Similarly to her ideal darling being shy, Machi really likes the idea of a darling who isn’t constantly out on the town.

She has no inherent issues with women who like to club or party or even frequently go out for a meal or drinks with friends, but for her darling, a homebody is preferable.

It’s simply a matter of Machi feeling confident that her darling is being safe – if they’re at home, the chances of them being assaulted or killed or mugged is significantly lower, and it helps quell the constant paranoia that eats at her regarding her darling’s wellbeing.

It means they’ll probably be wrapped up in a warm blanket with their phone perched in their hands, or the TV on, or a good book holding their attention rather than meeting someone, potentially speaking with them, dancing with them, or – god forbid – touching them.

(It hurts her deeply to imagine someone touching her darling, of course, but there’s something worse about the idea of her darling touching someone else – a sense of foreboding and anger over their safety, of course, but also a sense of rejection, a feeling of deep-seated and buried insecurity washing over her.)

And this just makes life easier once she eventually steals them away; it’s much easier to mitigate any sort of escape attempt or desire to return to the outside world if her darling is naturally not especially eager to be in crowded spaces.

Besides, Machi doesn’t mind the idea of spending time at home with them – give her time, but eventually she’ll be more than happy to sit beside them on the couch, a few inches of space between her body and her darling’s, enjoying the quiet atmosphere and the feeling of simply being together.

It’s cheesy and cliché and she knows it, but she doesn’t care – her darling turns her into a sap anyways, so what’s another addition to that sentiment?

Capable

Of course, as Machi’s darling, you’d never, ever have to worry about any sort of personal care.

She’ll do absolutely everything for her beloved; she’s already got their favorite foods stocked in the cabinets (but only the healthier ones – her darling can’t be having too much sugar or salt, no matter how much they like it), enough menstrual supplies to last the rest of her darling’s life, and more blankets and fans than imaginable to keep her darling at a comfortable temperature and not overheat or freeze.

She likes the idea of taking care of her darling, and while they’ll never be able to escape this aspect of being the object of her affections, Machi does like the idea that her darling is somewhat able to take care of themselves.

She likes the idea that they aren’t utterly incapable, that they’re able to do the bare minimum to make sure they stay healthy and in reasonably good physical health, with minimal scratches and injuries marring their pretty skin.

It calms her slightly when she’s still initially just stalking them, her worries and anxieties calming slightly every time she sees them drinking water or stepping into the shower.

It just makes her feel good, and while she’ll still oversee all their care once they’re under her captivity, it almost makes a small swell of pride bloom in her chest because yes, they know how to take care of themselves, and yes, that’s wildly attractive to her.

A capable darling is her ideal – and likely a major part of what attracts her to her darling in the first place.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Distant

In general, Machi has an incredibly difficult time being vulnerable.

She’s grown up under the impression that to show any sort of love or softness is a weakness, something that can be exploited and will ultimately be her downfall. It’s led to her being closed off, holding her emotions so close to her chest that sometimes she doesn’t even realize what she’s feeling, becoming so blinded by the need to hide her emotions that they almost disappear.

And where romance is concerned is certainly no different – though, there’s certainly no way to mistake or miss the emotions you spark within her, coming up and rising up the back of her throat and demanding her attention all the fucking time.

She’s completely floored by how intensely you make her feel, how fast her heart races around you, how her palms grow sweaty and her nen spikes ever so slightly in your presence, and to be honest Machi hates it at first. She hates how weak you make her feel, how her every sense is heightened the second you walk into a room, and while she knows it’s stupid to blame you for the way her body just seems to react to you, she can’t help it.

She’s never been the best at displaying emotion or really even reconciling how she feels at any given moment, and for a long time she pushes off her feelings for you, playing them off as nothing more than a passing interest, a few ‘she’s cute and that’s it’s being pounded into her mind.

(All the while she tries to ignore the way she wants nothing more than to make you laugh and smile, to see your eyes light up and hear that lovely chiming voice you have directed solely at her.)

(The whole time she’s trying to pretend like her eyes don’t automatically wander to you, focusing in on your hair, face, figure, and oh, when you wear that certain top with the low neckline… It’s embarrassing how strongly such a simple article of clothing can affect her, and it’ll often make her huff and desperately try to stop staring, glaring at anyone nearby just as a distraction from her racing heart and pink cheeks.)

And even once she eventually realizes that repressing those urges and emotions for you only make them stronger, she does no better at letting herself really succumb to them – she’s fighting tooth and nail, terrified of the way you make her feel, of the depth and intensity of the feelings that you give her without you even trying.

She’s honestly afraid of herself in moments where her desire for you grows stronger – every part of herself seems foreign once you step into the picture, even her most basic emotional responses to things like blankets (would you like this blanket? It’s soft, and she knows you like the color – you’d look stupid all wrapped up in it, though. Stupid. Cute. But stupid.), or even frying pans (would you let her cook for you? She’s decently talented in the kitchen, and while she’d be too embaressed to watch you eat something she herself made you, the pride that would swell in her chest makes looking at the nice, black, shiny frying pan in the store a little flustering.)

She’s afraid of her urges to care for you and protect you because you’re so fucking weak compared to her. She’s never been this nice before, this caring or genuinely invested in the wellbeing of someone outside of possibly Chrollo or a few other members of the Troupe, and the realization that hits her late one night as she’s staring aimlessly up at the ceiling (her mind running in circles around you as it so often does) startled her to her very core.

You bring out the side of Machi that she’d buried down so many years ago, that was only alive when she was very young, stupidly foolish and naively willing to hope against hope that someday she’d find someone to love, someone to be happy with and live a full, perfect life.

You make a piece of her that’s long been lost return, and once she understands that she has to face this new part of her head on, that she can’t keep turning a blind eye because it’s literally killing her to not give into the urges and feelings this new part of her is impressing, Machi is pulling back even further, trying to wade through the thick waters of her own feelings and wants.

And poor, poor you will be left to wonder why she always seems so angry, why she always seems to be glaring at you, one step away from killing you. She must hate you, you rationalize, and when you begin trying to act more colloquial and not as friendly or sweet as before, it’ll only further Machi’s confusion and the swirling of emotions brewing inside her.

It will only further her internal battle about whether it’s okay to let herself be vulnerable (as long as it’s for you, there’s a large part of Machi that thinks she could be anything and everything so long as it makes you happy), or only further her distant behavior.

It’s a miscommunication that Machi isn’t sure how to fix, and while she’ll eventually grow warmer towards you, let herself get more and more vulnerable around you, it’s a slow process – one that can only happen in the context of her being around you constantly, something that sounds simultaneously terrifying and wonderful beyond belief.

Selfless

Despite her internal wavering on whether it’s really okay to embrace the sick dependency she’s developed on you and against everything she’s ever tried to be, there is one thing that Machi is absolutely sure about.

That is, she will be making sure that you live the easiest life you possibly can.

She genuinely cares about you, and Machi is fiercely protective of the very few that she holds near and dear to her heart – and you, being the one who very much holds her heart, become the apple of her eye, her main focus in her day-to-day life outside of Troupe work.

She knows that as a member of the Troupe, she’s putting you in danger simply by existing in your presence, and with her feelings towards you being so strong, so painfully obvious?

Well, it’s a worry constantly eating at the back of her mind that someday you’ll be used against her, that you’ll be leverage or that someone will hurt you (or, god forbid kill you) just to get back at her and the rest of the organization.

There’s a constant sense of paranoia Machi feels when she thinks about all of the horrible, unforgiveable acts she’s committed, because while her conscience doesn’t harbor any guilt, she does harbor guilt towards you, because she’s now made you a target. She’s effectively placed a bulls eye on your back, and while it may be difficult for everyday strangers to tell that Machi harbors feelings for you, those committed to the downfall of the organization will be able to tell.

(Her longing looks and the way her nen gets a bit unpredictable around you are dead giveaways – you don’t notice, bless sweet little you, but the Hunter that’s been trailing the Troupe’s activities for the last few months will. And despite all the moral high ground the Hunters seem to tout about having, Machi knows for a fact that your death would be a welcome sacrifice in order to hurt the Spider.)

She’s painfully aware of all your flaws in terms of defending yourself in the position she’s placed you in, and the thought honest to god terrifies Machi. The guilt at knowing you’re constantly in danger because of her is almost too much to bear, and the only way she can help alleviate some of it is by becoming your guardian angel of sorts.

(It’s ironic, truly, and it’s something that she would rather die than admit, but despite her criminal status she’s actually a good force for you – at least, she hopes so.)

She does a lot for you behind your back.

Some are large favors, things that take up a decent amount of her time and effort, but she doesn’t mind because it’s for you.

(That group of men who’d been eyeing you up on your walk home from the subway station? Well, they aren’t exactly smart, are they, when they so blindly and naively follow Machi into a dark alleyway, their leering gazes and hands poised to grope making their deaths a much slower and more painful process than she’d normally bother with. After all, she knows exactly what they were planning on doing; the crude whistling and licking of their lips not hiding their intentions especially well. And although she’d never touch you without your eager consent – and perhaps not even then – she’s well aware of their intentions because she wants to touch you and fuck that cute cunt of yours, too.)

Some are smaller favors, things that aren’t too big of a deal but make Machi feel better about endangering your life, because at least she’s trying to better it, too.

(It takes hardly any time or effort at all to slip a vitamin or two into your drinks or food, just because she’s noticed you’ve looked a bit more tired these last few days, that there’s bags starting to form under your eyes, and how could she possibly live with herself if you were being neglected under her care? Besides, she knows you wouldn’t go out and buy these things for yourself – or at least not with the consistency you really should have.)

You likely won’t notice anything at first – Machi is a part of the Troupe for a reason, and though she doesn’t possess Shizuku’s abilities, she’s most definitely able to not leave a trace. So by the time you start noticing how there seems to be a steady supply of vegetables in your refrigerator that you don’t remember buying (only your favorites, of course), or when your bottles of shampoo and conditioner never seem to run out, Machi will have already been at her job of making sure that you’re well taken care of for months.

She doesn’t particularly want you to know that she’s the one so diligently taking care of you, if only because she’s still so afraid of the intensity of her feelings for you, and she’s scared that if you were to know how deeply she feels for you, how much she absolutely fucking loves you, you would run for it and never step foot in her life again.

You would reject her, something that she’s never had to face in her life, and something she hopes she never will have to – especially not from you.

She doesn’t want you to have any inkling for the way that she feels for you, at least rationally.

(Internally, however, she can’t deny how wonderful it would be to have you safe and sound in a shared home with her, protected and well fed, happy and comfortable and being oh so cute while you greet her at the door, welcoming her home from work and telling her how much you love her… It’s a guilty pleasure thought, one that often hits her as she goes about getting her hands dirty all for you, and as she stares at the lifeless corpse of the man who’d made a joke that he’d ‘hit that’ in regards to you to his friends, she can’t help but smile a bit.)

You make her happy – nervous, yes, and paranoid, true, but also this warm, burrowing feeling she knows is happiness. It’s a foreign thing that she isn’t completely sure she’ll ever get used to, but fuck it all if she doesn’t want to try.

So really, isn’t it only fair that she gives you something in return for everything you give her, even if you don’t know it?

Possessive

Despite the cloudiness that rests in Machi’s mind about how exactly she feels about you, one thing she is sure about is the anger that flares up in her chest when she thinks of another person interacting with you.

There’s something about the idea that makes her jaw get tight, her teeth pushing tightly together and her shoulders getting stiff because you should not be speaking with someone else.

She loves you in her own twisted, obsessive way, but in many ways Machi finds you irritating. You’re weak, you’re naïve, and god, how can you take your own safety and health so casually?

You’re incapable, if she’s being honest, because you’re simply unaware of how truly cruel the world can be. You live in your own glass cage, under the false assumption that the glass will never crack or splinter, that nothing will ever hurt you or affect you in a negative way – and while Machi takes as many precautions to keep this fantasy alive, it doesn’t negate the fact that you’re wrong.

You think you’re safe, sure, but you really need her, don’t you? If it wasn’t for her, you’d probably be dead by now, either by some wayward criminal, a magical beast, a Hunter, an accident, a stranger with nefarious intentions, or your own stupidity.

It’s cynical and mean and frankly not true, but Machi firmly believes that the only thing standing between you and certain death is herself. And while she still doesn’t want you to be aware that she’s the one protecting you and keeping you safe and healthy, she does start to grow a bit antsy when other people enter the picture.

In her perfect world, she would simply be caring for you and taking care of you from the shadows for the rest of your lives – your silent savior, content with the knowledge that you need her, and being needed is enough for her. At least, she thinks so.

But the world isn’t perfect, and you aren’t aware of her feelings – so of course, there are people who try to take advantage of your kindness, of your beauty and charity and naivety.

And when this happens, Machi finds herself very, very upset. Jealousy roils deep within her, making her fists clench and her eye twitch and narrow. It makes her nen spike and her aura become oppressive, her rage struggling to stay under control when she sees anyone looking at you, speaking with you, or just being near you.

It’s about your safety, more than anything – she does genuinely fear that every person you interact with has bad intentions towards you, and that in itself is neither particular delusional nor particularly surprising. Surely some of them want something more than just a polite greeting from you – hell, Machi’s been pursued by more men than she can count that most definitely wanted more and weren’t afraid to force what they wanted.

But can Machi really be blamed for being possessive over you? She’s grown up with absolutely nothing to her name – scavenging for food, living in dismal conditions, dealing with very real adult issues, and surviving against terrible odds. She’s turned towards the path of power and materialistic gain, and while she doesn’t explicitly see herself as owning you, there’s a certain allure to the idea of calling you hers.

You’re her partner – her woman, hers to care for, hers to love, hers hers hers.

And so yes, it’s about your safety, and yes, it’s understandable why she would grow attached to you in response to her origins, but there’s also a small part of her that grows horribly jealous every time someone interacts with you because it’s them, not her.

How come they have the confidence to speak with you, but she doesn’t?

(Of course, she’s interacted with you a few times before – back when her obsession had taken root, the very interactions that led her to her current state – but it’s different when it’s purposeful interaction, when she’s looking at you and your attention is on her. Why is it so hard to speak to you? Why do you make her so nervous, her fingers not visibly shaking but still having the same affect? Why do her words always sound harsh, demanding, blunt when she’s speaking with you, not a hint of the warmth or longing she feels for you? Why do you always seem to jump a bit and sheepishly nod at her commands, looking terrified and anxious and scared? Why can’t she just talk to you like normal, dammit?

How come they can so casually get you to laugh, but she can’t?

(She’s never been funny, even when she’s not feeling like her tongue is swelled up and her heart is on fire. She tries so hard to keep her cool around you and not give away anything about how she’s feeling for you, and that doesn’t exactly translate into being funny. And yet, she does find herself wishing that she’d thought of the joke the stranger on the bus had told you about the weather this morning, because while it was stupid and you’d only laughed a polite amount, why won’t you do that for her?)

How come they can so easily and organically reach out to brush your cheek or tap your arm, but she can’t?

(She’s petrified of touching you, despite wanting to so badly, and the most you’ll get from her for a long, long time is just quick, phantom touches of her fingers against your clothed back when you’re busy doing something, her skin barely even brushing the fabric of your shirt. It’s just too hard, too scary to let herself be in a position where you could reject something as intimate and loving as a touch – it leaves her too vulnerable, so what does she do? Repress it.)

It's a certain amount of insecurity that fuels her possessiveness, which simultaneously frustrates and scares her. She’s never been unconfident – she can kill dozens of fully grown men in mere seconds, can heal impossible wounds, and is an integral member of an elite criminal organization.

But you – you make her insecure. And it’s stupid and makes her scoff and cross her arms, but she can’t deny it. Despite her numerous, numerous attempts.

So really, Machi’s possessiveness is not to be overlooked – whether it’s paranoia, greed, or insecurity fueling it, it can have disastrous consequences. She will kill those she feels threatened by, and she does not care if that person holds value to you.

She’s your guardian angel, sure, but some angels fall – whether from heaven or for you is arbitrary.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Her jealousy is nothing to sneeze at, despite the fact that she isn’t as obvious and in your face as some of her fellow Troupemates.

She won’t yell and punch like Phinks, nor will she threaten and coddle like Nobunaga. Rather, she’ll let her jealousy simmer, slowly growing stronger and stronger, making her feel hotter and hotter until she explodes, unable to take another second of you being looked at by another person.

And so while Machi generally is of the mindset of ‘if it doesn’t involve me, then I don’t care’, where you’re concerned her entire philosophy is uprooted, if only because she absolutely believes that everything involving you involves her as well.

It’s her duty as your protector, as your loving partner – even if you aren’t aware – and she intends to hold up her end of the deal, to make sure that no one and nothing can ever touch you or harm you.

And so, she takes every precaution she can to make sure that no one ever gets to chance to spark her jealousy.

She watches each and every interaction of yours that she possibly can, often trailing behind you with those sharp eyes alternating between staring at you and sizing up all the people around you to catch anyone in their tracks who may cause problems.

(Shalnark had been quite generous in giving Machi a specially designed tracker just for you, already calibrated to your minimal nen aura so that it would stay true to you no matter where you went. She’d been grateful, though the blond hadn’t let her get away without a bit of teasing about how oooh, you’ve got a crush, don’t you Machi! She’s embarrassed to admit that she very faintly blushed at his words, swatting him down with a roll of her eyes and hissed fuck off, but the excitement of having a way to know where you are at all times even during Troupe work outweighed the irritation coursing through her veins).

She’s using her nen threads to keep your clothing in place while you’re out and about – making sure your skirt stays put or your top stays up, anything and everything to make sure that not a sliver of skin is shown to the prying eyes of those around you.

(Of course, a small part of her wishes your skirt would flip just a bit or the top of your areola would be just barely visible, if only for her viewing pleasure, but it’s more important that the men you walk by on the street don’t see anything. Much more important.)

She just feels responsible to make sure that you don’t have any negative contact with anyone (though ideally there’d be no contact of any kind, including positive), and she takes her duties very seriously, even going so far as to spend nearly every waking moment she has outside of Troupe work a good ten feet behind you, her eyes fixed on you like prey.

And after all, isn’t that a little representative of your relationship? You, the naïve, cute little thing being stalked and followed and wanted by something bigger, stronger, more dangerous and much, much more adept at simply taking what they want.

When she spots the man chatting you up in the local park you’d been walking through as a means to clear your head, immediately her nen is spiking up, her eyes narrowing as she stays hidden behind a nearby tree and watches the two of you speak.

He’s nothing special by any counts – generic, a simple pair of shorts and a t-shirt appropriate for the hot summer weather. His face is fine, all things considered, but there’s nothing particularly special about him – you wouldn’t look twice, she’s sure.

Except, you must have looked twice, because he’s standing in front of you, that irritating, ugly smile plastered on his face that makes her own lips tug into a deep frown, her teeth clenched tightly together.

And on top of that, you don’t seem to be mad at all. In fact, she can see the smile on your own face – much, much prettier, endearing, beautiful, something that momentarily traps her focus.

She’s not sure why you’re acting so happy – what could possibly be that funny about the terrible jokes this stranger is telling you?

What could this boring, useless waste of space be to you that makes you grin like you’re the happiest woman on Earth?

(Why didn’t you look like that when she first randomly met you on the street? Was this man better?)

Machi doesn’t get it, but she knows that it’s making her more than a little upset - more than a little pissed, really, as the man takes a small step forward, beginning to close the space between the two of you.

Her eye twitches as she watches you make no move to step back, and though her heart sinks like a stone when she realizes that maybe you want him to be that close to you, she briefly shakes her head, pink hair whipping her in the face as she wills herself to concentrate, to have enough patience to wait until you’re done talking to do what her fingers are aching for.

It’s torture, simply watching this interaction play out, her whole body begging for her to move and every muscle tensing in anticipation of physically breaking up your conversation, but she wills herself to stay put, closing her eyes and taking a few deep, unsteady breaths through her nose.

Fantasies and thoughts of how she could end the man’s life flash through her mind, helping kill a bit of time.

And the second that you walk off, throwing a small smile the man’s way along with a shy little wave that Machi would give fucking anything to be aimed at her, she’s making her move.

The man smirks and tucks his hands into his pocket, looking thoroughly pleased with himself as Machi murmurs curses under her breath, promises of death and words of hate tumbling past her lips as she tracks the man down past a bundle of trees on the opposite side of the park, well hidden from the view of the other patrons and – most importantly – yourself.

Once the man steps into the little forest and leans against a tree, she’s springing into action, her movements so quick that even she herself is shocked.

She charges at the man and has him tied up in less than three seconds flat, her hand placed firmly over the man’s mouth with a glare harsh enough to paralyze directed right into his brown eyes. Her aura’s crushing, the man’s body physically pushed against the tree hard enough to leave a slight dent in the bark.

His whimpers of pain make something in her gut twist pleasantly.

You’re disgusting, she growls, threads tightening more and more as she lets her anger begin to consume her.

Flashes of the way you’d smiled and laughed at the man come rushing through her mind, fueling the rage and hurt simmering in her chest.

Disgusting, worthless, don’t you know that some girls don’t want you? Couldn’t you see that she’s too fucking perfect for someone like you?

She knows she’s probably talking more than she should, more than this man deserves, but there’s something about the look of pure terror in the man’s eyes and the way he struggles against her threads that makes the blood rush to her head.

When he doesn’t respond, only wiggling harder and harder, Machi only clicks her tongue and, with a flick of her wrist, tightens the thread around the man’s neck enough that it slices it clean off.

The dull thump of his head landing on the ground next to her has her wiping her hands against her tunic in irritation, a small amount of his blood having sprayed onto her pale fingers, but she can’t deny the satisfaction of seeing the man who was so openly flirting with you dead and bloody now – just as he should be, for ever thinking he’d have a chance at getting at you while Machi’s around.

She gives a firm kick to the man’s groin, now slumped down onto the ground alongside the rest of his decapitated body, before spitting onto it.

And so, after shooting a quick text to Shizuku to ask her to come clean up a body (Shizuku’s response of why would I do that? had the pink haired girl rolling her eyes), Machi makes quick work of locating you via the tracker, making sure to follow you home and ensure that no other creeps try anything with you, lest they meet the fate of Machi and Blinky.

Chrollo can scold her all he wants for the body she leaves behind – it’s worth it, the satisfaction simmering in her veins making her feet carry herself faster and faster, the tracker slowly beeping faster as she gets closer to you.

TAKING HER DARLING AWAY:

In most regards, Machi values the idea of you being your own, semi-independent person.

She does a whole hell of a lot for you in the shadows, but she isn’t particularly fixated on stealing you away or kidnapping you. Part of the reason why she fell for you in the first place was because of who you are, and there’s a worry eating at the back of her mind that if she were to force you into a relationship or take you away from your life, you would no longer be the person she’s come to love, the person she’s come to live solely for.

It’s scary, the concept that you could just be gone, that her selfishness could be the reason why the glimmer in your eyes fades, or why you no longer smile and laugh so hard you snort a bit.

So while the idea of stealing you away and making sure that you’re constantly protected, safe from the outside world and the horrible people inhabiting it (people like her and the Troupe, she’ll admit) is appealing, she won’t ever make a move to imprison you with her unless an outside force comes into play.

She’s just too nervous and hesitant, because although what she currently has now with you isn’t ideal (the fact that you aren’t under her constant supervision or just within reach to touch – if she ever got brave enough to do so, that is – is certainly not her dream), it’d be even less ideal to have you a shell of your former self.

And those outside forces rally could be just about anything – if it threatens you in some way, she’ll begrudgingly decide that stealing you away is the only possible option.

For example, if someone were to figure out her connection to you; she’s worked tirelessly to make sure that any trace of her obsession with her and her feelings is invisible, to the point where not even anyone in the Troupe is aware of your identity.

(Some, like Shizuku and Shalnark, are aware that there’s someone that’s got Machi all up in knots, that she’s willing killing for and wants to keep constant surveillance on. Otherwise, Machi wouldn’t have just asked Shalnark about the best quality cameras that can be easily concealed available on the market – and she’d been blushing, even, a very light pink on her cheeks that made him stare for a moment, gaping like a fish because who the hell could you possibly be to affect Machi so much? Shizuku, for her part, just knows there’s something a little different about her fellow member – Machi’s smiling more, and while Shizuku is forgetful, she remembers the little things about her friend – and when she’d brought it up Machi, she’d only huffed and firmly told Shizuku to be quiet, her voice still snippy but just slightly wobbling.)

There’s a few cracks in her careful hiding of you, but for the most part Machi is frighteningly good at making sure that no one will ever know about you.

But the impossible has a way of happening, and if by some stroke of ill luck someone does find out about you and tries to attack you, torture you, kill you or use you for leverage?

The moment that she gets you back, safe from the threat of death, immediately she’s putting you under her care, locking you up tight in a small home in a small town where you’ll be utterly, completely safe.

However, the more likely scenario of an outside factor forcing her hand is that Machi will be approached by Chrollo himself – his words are simple, an are you alright? You seem to be a bit off your game, Machi. Whatever it is, please don’t let your duties to the Spider slide.

And when Machi takes a deep breath, she can’t help herself from spilling it all to her boss – the words come out fast, splutters of her feelings for you and how she can’t get you off her mind, how the constant worry over your safety eats away at her every moment she’s away from you, but Chrollo listens diligently, nodding every once in a while.

And when she finishes, her breathing slightly ragged, he can only place a comforting hand on her shoulder, asking her if she’s considered keeping you in a secure location, in which you’ll always have the comfort of knowing she’s alright?

And while she had in fact considered – and immediately discarded – the idea, something in that moment clicks; her life is dedicated to the Troupe, and maybe it really would make things easier to keep you locked up, to keep you safe and sound and completely protected.

Chrollo’s words are enough to have her agreeing, slipping into your room late one night and gently hitting a pressure point, only to leave you snuggled up in your new bed in a collection of the warmest, newest blankets that she could find.

You’re so cute, and while there’s a small amount of guilt eating away at her, Machi can’t deny how right it feels to have you completely aware of how dependent you are on her. Just as it should be.

As a captor, Machi’s air of distance and emotional invulnerability doesn’t simply disappear. Habits can’t be unlearned that quickly, after all, and while every glance at you leaves her stomach feeling weightless and her heart hammering in her chest, she’s too overwhelmed to really be able to talk to you normally – much less touch you as a means of expressing what she’s feeling.

She’s still so used to not really expressing herself, and while you’re quite literally in front of her, looking as precious and pretty and sweet as you always do, she can’t quite find it in her to openly admit how deeply the love swirling in her chest for you runs.

The possibility of you rejecting her is something that scares her to her core, and while the idea of you lovingly hugging her, kissing her and telling her in that flustered, sweet voice that you love her is something that actually makes her blush, the anxiety that you won’t return her feelings eats away at her.

There’s a constant war happening in her mind, really – she’ll dream about holding you at night, her eyes flicking under her eyelids as she imagines how warm you’d be, how good it would feel to press a kiss against the crown of your head, your hair tickling her lips as she whispers an I love you, only to wake up and immediately scoot away from you on the bed, hopeful that you hadn’t awoken during the night and seen the way she’d crawled in beside you.

She’s still distant and impossible to read, and for a good portion of your time under her care, you’ll have absolutely no idea why she’s stolen you.

She obviously doesn’t want to hurt you – she’s threatened you once or twice, sure, but never once has she actually laid a hand on you with violent intent.

(The threats even seem to be accidental, really – as soon as the words slip from her mouth, her eyes widen almost imperceptibly, as if she’s shocked by what she’s said. She’ll always be a little skittish afterwards, avoiding you more than normal and struggling to maintain eye contact, but you’ll always end up with a small, token gift by your nightstand that makes you wonder just how much she seems to know about what you like and dislike – the gifts may be unnerving, but they’re always things you love. Even if you don’t recall having mentioned it to her.)

She doesn’t want to hurt you, and you’ve pretty much ruled out the possibility that you’re being held as a hostage with some larger goal in mind.

After all, why would she bother to make sure you’re comfortable and taken care of if she was just planning on using you?

Why would she invest in buying such high quality sheets for your bed (your preferred blend/texture, of course), or such nice clothing for you?

(It’s all in shades of dark reds and pinks, a mixture of loungewear that fits you perfectly, and a frilly, lace nightgown that only comes down to the mid-thigh and makes you look positively angelic – if it weren’t for the way the sheer fabric does nothing to mask your nipples or the curve of your ass. Don’t ask Machi about the nightgown – she’d stolen it late one night, back when her obsession with you was in full throttle and she was constantly wanting, not quite having you kidnapped yet but still needing to be around you more and more. It was a split second decision, and a part of her hoped you wouldn’t even find the thing in your closet – but the moment she sees you for the first time, that thought disappears and she’s only left with the wonderful, explicit image of you standing in it, her eyes examining every inch of your body.)

You’ve considered everything from a ransom to becoming a future murder statistic, and yet nothing quite seems to fit the situation.

Because Machi’s not affectionate, either – in fact, she hardly ever touches you unless she absolutely has to.

When she’s patching you up after you fall and scrape your knee on the edge of the chair, her fingers almost recoil the moment your skin and hers meet. She avoids any hand you reach out with to grab at her wrist or tap her shoulder, jumping nearly out of her skin and whipping around to face you, this look crossing her face that seems like anger and yearning. It’s confusing, and after a while you’ll stop trying to initiate any form of physical contact, and Machi notices.

It frustrates her, this nagging feeling in her chest begging her to do something, to just reach out and place her hand on your shoulder or wipe away a few crumbs of food from your lips when you’re eating (she made the food, of course, after having watched you cook yourself dinner countless times through your kitchen window).

She won’t do it though, too embarrassed and scared you’ll reject her – so you’ll be left to wonder exactly what the hell her goal is. She doesn’t want to hurt or kill you, and she doesn’t seem to want to assault you or use your body either – what does she want?

You won’t know for a very, very long time – potentially even years, if Machi is left to her own devices. She’s just too scared to come clean; the chance of your rejection or your disgust makes her anxious in a way that has her picking at her nails and pulling out pieces of hair, the anxiety of it all just too much. But as time passes, things will get better.

She’ll slowly – very slowly – begin coming out of her shell, letting herself stand just a hair closer to you or let her gaze linger on your for just a moment longer than before. Eventually she’ll get to the point where she’ll sit directly next to you on the couch, your thighs pressing against each other’s and both of your faces looking straight ahead, both of you unwilling to broach the subject of exactly what’s happening. (Machi’s too nervous, and you’re too confused.)

It’ll take her a long time to admit that she cares about you, but she expresses that sentiment in different ways – she’s a woman of action, and you can tell that she holds just a sliver of fondness for you from the way she provides for you.

Instead of sleeping on a cement floor in some dark, wet, cold basement, she’s outfitted a modest, simple room for you, with a nice twin bed in the corner and a fully stocked closet, along with some art supplies to keep you entertained and a few others items corresponding to your hobbies.

Instead of restricting your meals or feeding you expired, questionable food, she’s always arriving at your doorway with a steaming bowl of soup (she didn’t make it – she can’t cook, but she did personally pick it out from the takeout place or pick it up at the store), her eyes meeting yours for a brief moment before they flick away.

Instead of invading every inch of your privacy like you’d expected, she’s respectful when you have to change (turning away, though the throbbing that forms between her legs begs her to turn around because you’re five feet away from her and you’re naked and fuck fuck fuck -).

She won’t force you into any kind of affection (no unwanted kissing or sexual touching, not even any comments about how attractive you are or how much she desires your body (because the thoughts are there, oh yes, and it’s difficult to keep them at bay, but she tries her best).

She’s even able to predict what you want before you know you want it – she’s spent so long stalking you and paying attention to every small habit in your daily life that she knows exactly how much body wash you lather yourself with in the shower, or how heavy your menstrual flow is, or even

PUNISHMENTS:

Doesn’t like seeing you in pain, and generally you’ll be too afraid to act up because she’s so cold and distant most of the time. She also has no problem intimidating you, whether it be by having a conversation with Feitan in the same room and playing up hearing him talk about new torture methods, even though she hates putting scary ideas into your head (she would never let Feitan touch you or anyone hurt you, but she figures that if you’re scared or have the idea that you will be hurt if you try anything, you’ll probably behave)

Generally speaking, Machi honestly does not enjoy causing you any sort of discomfort or harm.

She’s overbearingly protective, anxious at just the slightest fraction of a possibility that something could hurt you (the amount of times she’s jumped into action and harshly snatched the semi-sharp pencil you were using out of your hands has told you exactly how deeply her paranoia regarding your safety really runs), and she doesn’t have a moral compass that allows her to genuinely believe that any harm she does to you is somehow different than the danger she’s always trying to protect you from.

She doesn’t see herself as being a disciplining force; rather, Machi more wants to keep you safe and pristine, and though she knows it’s a bit of an impossibility, at least towards the beginning of your captivity, she wants you to be as happy as possible as well – she didn’t kidnap you just for the hell of it, and she didn’t uproot your whole life just for shits and giggles.

She wants you to behave, to be safe and sound and still enjoying what little life you have in her clutches, and frankly, punishing you is something that probably won’t happen too often. Machi is scary as a captor at first, if only because she’s just so cryptic, so unwilling to admit to anything regarding her feelings or obsession with you that could be used against her, your smarts coming in to play to manipulate her into letting you go or allowing you to be hurt.

She’s terrifying, cold, calculated and incredibly impersonal, so while the urge to try and escape, to fight her, to do anything to stand up for yourself is incredibly strong, you’ll likely be extremely hesitant to do so.

Because really, while she tries not to show any blood in front of you or explicitly talk about her job, you’ll be able to see the signs – she’s not the best at washing the blood off of her shirt before she returns home from particularly difficult or gruesome jobs, nor is she good at keeping the irritated mumblings under breath about Shalnark being so damn happy, he kills like it’s candy especially quiet.

She’s not subtle, so don’t act out – because while she knows that she’ll never, ever hurt you, you don’t, and do you really want to test that?

When she changes in front of you (something that takes her a while to have the confidence to do, if only because the idea of you seeing something as vulnerable as her body makes her flush lightly and avert her eyes), the spider tattoo is glaringly obvious, and you’ll be left to face the reality – there’s absolutely nothing you can do to her to get her to leave you alone, and there’s nothing you can do against her in order to leave.

So if you’re stuck, why make the situation any more of a living hell than it already is?

That being said, you are only human – Machi works so damn hard to keep you safe, healthy and vital, to give you as good of a life under her care as she feasibly can, and the moment that you do something to threaten that sense of safety she works so hard to upkeep?

Well, Machi may not like seeing you upset, but there’s only so much patience a mass criminal can have, only so much leniency and exceptionalism she can exercise towards you – which is why, as she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose when you refuse to stop going near the oven (even though she makes a point to turn the breaker off and cover the oven in such a strong field of nen that there’s no way you could even try to put your hand inside), she decides that difficult situations call for unfortunate measures, that she’ll have to go to the extremes to get you complacent, pliant, behaving.

She still will never purposefully physically hurt you, if only because she genuinely can’t stomach the thought of being the cause for any of your blood to be drawn, but your mind is still oh so vulnerable, oh so exposed for her liking, pliant and susceptible to a bit of manipulation, to a bit of rerouting.

And so, while she doesn’t feel good about it, it’s not difficult to get a troupe member to come to her place, to speak about the latest or newest job, what Chrollo wants stolen, how many people can be killed or in the body count, asking them (with a well hidden wince and a sinking feeling in her gut) to be as explicit and specific as possible, to speak loudly enough that you’ll hear from the next room over.

She does this to prove to you without physical pain that she is still more than capable of shutting you down, that while she may have not done anything to you besides stealing you away, she could kill you at the drop of a pin, and you should really listen to her if you know what’s best for you.

It feels dirty and Machi honestly hates doing it, but it’s the only way – and so, when Feitan reluctantly agrees to swing by (after Machi’s promise of a few million Jenny for his trouble), Machi’s setting him up close to the wall separating the kitchen from the bedroom, asking him to face the plaster and tell him about the latest torture method he’s been experimenting with.

Feitan doesn’t like pointless talking or really helping Machi out at all, but as he begins talking, narrowing his eyes as Machi silently pumps her palm up to show he should speak louder, you’ll be sitting in the next room over, the slightly muffled words chilling you to the core.

First locate the spine, take the long knife and cut from neck to tail bone, should wait five to ten minutes for enough blood. Take oven and heat to 500 degrees…

You’ll be traumatized for all thirty minutes of the conversation, and while Machi fucking hates that she’s filling such gruesome and violent ideas in your head, it’ll get the point across, and get you listening to her again.

After she bids him goodbye (a clipped next month, see you then and a slammed door in his face), she’ll take a deep breath and adjust her ponytail lightly, closing her eyes and preparing to face you.

She’s not surprised to see you curled in on yourself on your bed, eyes wide and your fingers trembling, but it still doesn’t make her feel good, a sick feeling settling in her stomach as she bites her lip and leans against the doorframe, hurting inside knowing that she’ll never, ever let Feitan anywhere near you to enact the torture he was detailing, but knowing that she can’t tell you that.

She’s noticeably silent after every ‘punishment’, letting you stew over the information on your own time, but she’s pleased to see that you begin avoiding the oven like the plague, not a single glance spared at the appliance without copious amounts of mumbled apologies and nervously twiddling fingers.

Of course, Machi doesn’t enjoy breaking you down like this, scaring you into submission, but in her mind it’s the only way – she won’t slap you or bruise you, but don’t mental punishments work better, anyways?

Isn’t it more effective to make you afraid, so that the only thing you feel is safe and dependable is her?

OVERALL DANGER:

7/10

The thing that makes Machi so dangerous is genuinely that she’s absolutely, thoroughly and scarily committed to making absolute sure that you’re taken care of, that not a single thing can hurt you or otherwise affect you.

She’s terrified of the idea of you being hurt, because now that she has someone she actually cares about, a connection that makes her chest feel warm and her cheeks feel flush, she is absolutely not willing to let anything happen to fuck it up.

She’s paranoid, overprotective to a fault, and so painfully detached from being able to properly express herself, to properly showcase just how deeply and horribly her obsession and love for you runs.

She’s terrified of being emotionally vulnerable, of letting you in for fear that you’ll somehow use it against her, and so Machi becomes a bit like your guardian angel – only much, much bloodier, and one that will eventually lock you up and treat you like you’re made of the finest china, able to break at even the slightest poke.

Honestly, if you can deal with her being essentially emotionally unavailable (until at least a year or so into your captivity, if all goes well) and not letting you do much of anything for yourself, life with Machi won’t be so bad – you’ll get adequate, homecooked food (though it tends to a bit bland for nutritional reasons), a clean space to live in (one that she honestly won’t intrude on too much, if only because the concept of sleeping in the same bed as you makes her feel pathetic and weird for being so excited and nervous about it), and a protector who considers your safety to be the most important thing on Earth.

If you can deal with it, Machi isn’t too bad – just remember that ice takes time to melt, and can freeze up again at any moment’s notice, if you’re not careful enough.

#yandere hxh #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere machi #_hxh #_machi komacine #_lee's profiles

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thenickgirl · 18 days

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i’m gonna say this and then im gonna let the nick slander die bc it’s had me so heated all day cause when i say i do not play about him, i mean i do not play about him. i wanna dig this hoe dead granny up and play baseball with her bones like im so fr 😤

i just don’t understand why people on the internet feel like it’s okay to constantly speak about someones body. bro how sick and twisted do you have to be? we’re you raised by fucking wolves?? like please explain to me how you can be so fucking ignorant. you have no idea how damaging that could be to someone’s mental and emotional health and then we wonder why so many people suffer from body dysmorphia. i’m not even just talking about nick i’m speaking in general, talking about anyone’s body is fucking wrong and disgusting. i get so defensive because nick has been open so many times about his struggles with self love and confidence only for loser ass bitches like that to throw it back in his face. he’s been so much happier and confident and i refuse to let some scary silver back gorilla ass bitch knock him back down. nick’s body is beautiful and he is fine as the fuck and could pull any nigga or bitch in the room if he wanted to, don’t ever play with his top like that again!!

#a speaks #sturniolo triplets #sturniolos #sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

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theweeklydiscourse · 7 months

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Why is nuance dieing?

The younger generation seems to be so much more obsessed with moral puritanism in fiction and irdk why. Could it be because kids these days don't interact with real people and are just chronically online so they repeat what they see on the internet?

Actually saw someone saying people who like fictional bad boys are the reason why men get away with sa & rape irl and countries are criminalizing abortion...

It's just so depressing to see that. This line of thinking is scary actually.

I don't remember people going this mad over morals when shows and movies like Vampire Diaries and Twilight saga were huge. It's like people have regressed.

The media we consume is becoming more and more didactic as we enter an age where it seems like every piece of popular media is obsessed with delivering their messages and themes like an after school PSAs. Media is becoming increasingly more sanitized and “family friendly” to appeal to the broadest possible audience to create more and more profits for corporations. This obsession with sanitized fiction has become commonplace with many younger people who parrot what they see online and on the media they consume and proceed to deliver underdeveloped takes on subjects they don’t fully understand yet.

It becomes even more interesting when people point to fictional narratives as the cause for societal problems when there are already larger institutions that have historically been responsible for what they claim fiction causes. They displace the blame for societal ills like SA, abuse, patriarchal violence and misogynistic legislation onto fiction, fan fiction and media that explores taboo subject matter. While I don’t deny that fiction has power, 90% of the time these people have no idea of the ways literary works influence our culture and default to a 1:1 “monkey see, monkey do” explanation for why people must consume the “correct media”.

Another factor is the way that people have become accustomed to moralizing their content consumption. They have convinced themselves that they need a concrete and righteous justification for their likes and dislikes and this has ruined the way fandom interacts with literature, film and other art forms. With this in mind, they can no longer dislike or even hate something without creating some moral justifications for why “hating this thing is actually progressive and righteous!” and in the process, conflate consumerism with activism.

The comparison to Puritanism is quite fitting in this case. After all, the principles of that religion were based in purity, obedience and censorious beliefs for self-indulgences and we can draw comparisons with the way people online discuss certain subjects. There’s a phenomenon where people will say something along the lines of: “It’s alright to like (insert problematic character here)! But you need to acknowledge that they are a bad person.” To them, it seems like a gesture at fairness and magnanimity when in reality, it is an attempt at exerting unearned moral authority over the tastes of others. It is a demand that a person proves their moral innocence to them in a performative manner that validates their need to feel superior. But it’s all performative purity because even if a person did explain/justify their fictional tastes, these people wouldn’t care and would continue to demand purity from others.

People can’t even discuss certain characters anymore without running into people accusing them of being terrible people who would approve of real-life violence and abuse. And I can’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t always like this, when did it change?

#fandom discourse #fandom musings #shadow and bone #reylo fandom #reylo discourse #reylo #darklina #s&b salt #s&b netflix #s&b critical #anti leigh bardugo #lb critical #zutara #shipping discourse #Puritanism

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thatsdemko · 1 year

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delicate - m.mount

masterlist

t-swift inspired works list

requested: y (but not the song choice)

pairings: Mason mount x famous!reader

warnings: anxious and worried thoughts + established relationships + slight mentions of relationship insecurities

a/n: feedback is always appreciated xx

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

you’re known for many things. an Oscar, Grammy, and by far your reputation— which currently is drowning under water.

it’s no good, the way people see you right now. you’re terrified the man who holds you at night, kisses you in the morning, and loves at your lowest will get up and leave. you’re sure he’s seen the internet, he has a phone and a twitter, he’s had to have seen that you shouldn’t have won that Grammy.

it’s messed with you all night, and now all year. gone into hiding you barely show up to masons games, events, or award shows. you’ve fallen off the face of the earth, but not to the man who lay beside you in bed. he promises he loves you in all your dark places.

you don’t mean to wake him, but your mind hasn’t stopped spinning with new scenarios, itching to get back outside and put on your nice shoes. he promises it’ll all be over before you know it, but nobody ever seems to forget you.

“hmm,” he hums flipping onto his side to face you, his eyes flutter open to meet your cold worried ones. every morning he wakes in hopes to see the love and passion is in your eyes, but you’re so afraid to be vulnerable right now.

“what’s on your mind?” he moves closer allowing his warm body to gently press against yours, and you allow yourself to mold the same position he’s in, feeling the warmth of his breath down your neck.

“where do I begin?” you joke, eyes finally shutting allowing the worries to wash away and listen to his heartbeat. it’s delicate, all of this. it feels so brand new and scary again, but he’s right there. Mason won’t leave, he loves you for you.

his palm brushes against the top of your head, pulling any loose strains of hair back, “talk to me, I’m here.” he whispers, lips pressing against your neck in assurance. you could melt, he’s so perfect it’s unfair he has to put up with this.

it’s all the same story he’s heard a million times. how you’re worried he’s going to realize how bad you are for him and you’re just plummeting his career. he laughs at the same lines you always say, the ones where you’re so serious you could cry, but he just cracks a smile because you’re worried over nothing.

“I love you, and I’m here until the end.” he promises, hands swiftly moving around your waist, his fingers find yours and intertwine them, “I want to be your endgame, y/n. don’t be ridiculous with me.”

you smile, fears washing away whenever he speaks of your love. you’re so afraid to fall, it’s like you’re a kid again begging someone, anyone, to catch you and he’s right there. arms stretched out promising you it’s okay to jump and be vulnerable. it’s okay to jump and fall, but he’s there to pick you right back up.

“what did I do to deserve you?” you ask, hearing his chuckle rumble against your back and he tells the tale that’s as old as time, the way in which he got you and made you fall for his charm. he reminds you how he had no clue who you were, your beauty was strikingly gorgeous and he wanted you. he didn’t care what baggage you came with, it’s all his to tend to and he doesn’t mind a bit.

“you tell that story so well.” you say, carefully flipping around to face him, the beautiful pearly white smile fills the room, you actually melt this time and don’t hold back.

“you’re saying I deserve an Oscar for it?”

“something like that, sure.”

Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it delicate?

#mason mount fic #mason mount fluff #mason mount #mason mount one shot #mason mount blurb #mason mount x reader #mason mount x you #mason mount fanfic #mason mount drabble #mason mount imagine #football one shot #football blurb #football imagines #football oneshot #football blurbs #football fic #football imagine #chelsea fc

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drewsbuzzcut · 8 months

Text

GQ’s Couple’s Quiz

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses fic

warnings: mentions having kids and I think that’s all… also! how ever many points reader or mat has is after each question they get correct

“Don’t give me that look,” you point at Mat, trying to hold in your laughter, but failing so far. You can’t contain the wide smile that dares to break out on your face.

“I’m not doing anything. Just know, I’m taking your ass down,” Mat declares.

“Okay! Rolling in 3… 2… 1…” the director’s words gathers your and Mat’s attention, the both of you staring at the camera.

“I’m more competitive than you, so I got this in the bag,” you state, confidently.

“We’ll see about that.”

“Hi! I’m Y/n Barzal,” you greet.

“Hi! I’m Mat Barzal,” Mat greets as well.

“And this is GQ’s Couple’s Quiz,” you both say together.

“Are you ready? This one’s hard,” you try to make Mat second guess himself, but you also know his memory isn’t the best.

“Hit me.”

“Who are our kids' godparents, in order from oldest to youngest?”

You see Mat’s face shift to slight panic.

“Nolan’s godparents are Anthony Beauvillier and Devon Lee Carlson. Angels’ godparents are Beverly Blount and Ethan Bear. Sloane’s godparents are Sydney and Matt Martin,” he answers swiftly.

“Correct.”

Mat: 1

“Second question: how old am I?” You know he knows this.

“You, my lovely wife, are 26 beautiful years old, almost 27,” he says, making you feel giddy.

“Okay, hotshot, stop trying to make me flustered.”

Mat: 2

“Do I prefer an intimate setting or a family setting?”

“If we’re talking about a family setting as in us with our kids, then a family setting. Our younger selves would most definitely love an intimate setting, but now that we have a 4 year old, a 1 year old, and a 9 month old, we really enjoy the family setting,” Mat answers flawlessly.

“Correct! I like the way you answered that, babe,” you compliment.

Mat: 3

“What was my first modeling gig?”

Mat rubs his chin, thinking long and hard before answering.

“You can’t be mad if I’m wrong,” he tells you.

“Why can’t I be mad?” You ask, but you’re just messing with him.

“Because I didn’t know you then.”

You gasp in fake surprise, mouth open and hand over your heart.

“You mean you didn’t stalk me on the internet when we were dating?”

“I’m not you,” Mat says, referring to something from the early bits of your relationship, something you’re glad you can laugh about now.

“Ouch that was a low blow,” you fake pout.

“Your first modeling gig was for a fashion show during Paris fashion week when you were 18.”

“Wrong. My first modeling gig was on a local magazine in my hometown when I was 17,” you correct him.

“Oh yeah. I totally forgot about that. Sorry, babe.”

“What’s my favorite movie?”

“That’s easy. It’s The Conjuring. My girl loves her scary movies,” he says proudly.

“It’s true! Mat loves whenever I get to pick the movie on our movie nights. Only because I pretend to be scared and cuddle into him more than I already do,” you look over at Mat with heart eyes to see that he’s already looking back at you with heart eyes.

Mat: 4

“What’s the hardest thing for our family when you’re on roadies?”

“The short disconnect between me and the kids. It’s hard for me to be gone when our babies are still really young. It’s also hard because I’m not always there to help you. You’re a champ for stepping up for me, and there are no words to describe how grateful I am that you’re my life partner. My heart would search for yours in every lifetime,” you tear up at his sweet words, immediately getting out of your chair to hug him. He’s quick to pull you between his legs, arms wrapping around your waist while his head rests on your chest.

Mat: 5

“If I wasn’t a model, what would I be doing?”

“You’d be a writer. Although, I already tell you that you can still be a writer and a model,” Mat says.

“Maybe when I retire modeling, whenever that’ll be.”

Mat: 6

“This one might be hard for you: what was the first name on my ‘baby names’ list?”

“How on earth am I supposed to know that? Umm… was it… I know it’s an S name because we both love S names. It’s Sloane,” Mat guesses.

“Nope. It’s actually Selene. I loved Selene so much, but when we found out our first baby was a boy, I just dropped Selene. I also didn’t want to use it for Sloane. I felt like she needed a whole new name, and Sloane just fits baby girl so well.”

“That’s true. She is meant to be named Sloane,” Mat agrees.

“What’s my favorite sport?”

“Hockey!” He has a cocky smile on his face, but only because he knows he’s the only reason you watch hockey.

“Barzy! I know you know the REAL answer, so answer truthfully.”

“It’s baseball,” he mutters, feigning annoyance.

Mat: 7

“If I could be an animal for a day, what animal would I be?”

“A cat.”

Mat: 8

“What’s my ritual before a fashion show?”

“When you leave for the venue, you give us all kisses. At the venue you listen to the playlist I made you and refrain from talking to anyone for the first 30 minutes so you can center yourself. After those first 30 minutes you like to dance around to get all your nerves out.”

“I’m surprised you remember that,” you grin proudly at your man.

“Well I have been backstage with you for quite a few of those shows. I actually miss being able to see you go through that process. It’s an honor to see you in a vulnerable state outside of the intimacy of our relationship.”

“Baby, I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Mat: 9

“What was my wedding scent?”

“This is so easy because I love that perfume so much. It’s so intoxicating. I swear it’s an aphrodisiac because I just never wanted to be away from you. It’s Maison Margiela’s Replica perfume in the scent: Jazz Club. I especially love when you wear it on special occasions,” Mat answers in a way that can only be described as lovesick.

“It’s true. On our wedding day, we could not be pulled apart. Our lips or hands were always on each other. I’m actually thinking about making it my signature smell, but I’m hesitant because I want it to be for special occasions only,” you ramble, face flustered by bringing up how touchy you and Mat are.

“Special occasions only, babe.”

“What if I said I’m wearing it today?” You tease.

Mat’s head falls back, a moan desperately trying to fly out his mouth. Without a word, he’s out of his chair and throwing you over his shoulder. He walks off set with you while you laugh uncontrollably.

“Barzy! Baby, we have to go back,” you say and even though you’re both off camera, the mic still picks up your voices.

“I love you,” Mat says through a laugh, lips connecting with yours.

As you both walk back, you’re fixing your hair and lipstick before fixing Mat’s shirt.

When you move to walk in front of him, he tickles you from behind, sending you into a fit of giggles. You reach behind yourself to wrap your hands around the back of his neck, pressing your body into his to get him to stop. His hands don’t leave your body, though. They just rest on your stomach.

“Sorry about that,” Mat apologizes while you hide behind your hand, trying to mask your red cheeks and big smile.

Mat: 10

“It’s your turn. Are you ready to lose?” Mat asks, sending you a smirk that makes you want to kiss him.

“I’m loving the aggression, but yes bring it on,” you send a playful glare back at him.

“How old am I?”

“You’re 31 and about to be 32. Old man,” you say in a fake cough, but it just turns out to be a big laugh.

Mat smiles, nose scrunching and he reaches out to tickle your neck.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry,” you try not to yell.

Y/n: 1

“Do I want more babies?”

“Surprisingly, no. Mat wanted to try for Angel and Sloane, but I was hesitant because Nolan was still young. However, I couldn’t deny that I wanted more kids. This time, Mat’s the one who told me he didn’t want anymore kids while I’m actually okay with having another baby. That being said, we won’t be having anymore kids, it’s a mutual agreement and we have our reasons,” you explain.

“Babe, I love the way you speak,” your husband compliments you.

“I love you.”

Y/n: 2

“What food do I hate?”

“Seafood.”

“Wrong. Babe, we just had fish the other day on our date.”

“Wait! Then why did you say no to sushi? I just realized this. Oh my god. You denied me sushi!” You’re appalled because you seriously thought he hated seafood.

“Sorry, I just don’t like sushi.”

“Literally how? It has seafood!” You’re still in shock.

“What’s something I want to learn?”

“You want to learn how to cook. You hate how I’m the one cooking all the time. But guess what guys, I’ve been teaching Mat every time I’m in the kitchen,” you state.

“You’re a great teacher.”

Y/n: 3

“How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

“You’ll give yourself some space or take one of the babies to rock in the rocking chair until you’re ready to talk. However, if I don’t notice you’re upset, you’ll linger around with a pout. The same pout that all our kids have. Sometimes if you’re upset for a small reason, you’ll just kiss me until you snap out of it,” you go through his tells.

“Yeah, your kisses almost always work. They’re magic,” he gets up real quick to peck your lips.

Y/n: 4

“When was our first kiss?”

“When you came to my apartment with flowers and an apology. We just had our first fight, before we were an official couple, and you were hesitant about kissing me so I kissed you first.”

“I think about that day everyday. I can kiss you forever. I will kiss you forever,” he whispers.

“Okay, sap,” you tease.

Y/n: 5

“Where’s somewhere I want to go?”

“Tokyo! We both want to go, so maybe our next couple vacation!”

Y/n: 6

“What are my tattoos?”

You look at him with wide eyes because none of his or your fans know he has tattoos. You knew people were going to freak out.

“Ooo a GQ exclusive! Your tattoos are ‘Nolan,’ ‘Angel,’ and ‘Sloane.’ Our kids' names and they are located on the inside of your fingers. You also have my initial tattoo on your ring finger.” You say animatedly, you’ve been waiting for him to share his tattoos with the public, so you can talk about them freely.

“I need my family with me at all times,” Mat confirms.

Y/n: 7

“Who is my celebrity crush?” You want to wipe the smirk off his face.

You remember the time in your relationship when you got insanely jealous when you found out about his celebrity crush. Now, you think it’s actually funny.

“Your celebrity crush is Zoë Kravitz. Zoë, Mat’s free on sundays. Just kidding. He’s all mine,” you say in giggles.

“Baby, you’re my celebrity crush,” he plays around.

“Liar.”

Y/n: 8

“What’s my go-to snack?”

“You love nutella a lot, so maybe your bagel with nutella?”

“I’ll give you the point because I do love nutella.”

“Thank you!”

Y/n: 9

“What’s the easiest way to make me mad?”

“When I ignore you,” you answer with a little smug smile.

“I hate it!”

“Sometimes I’ll do it so you’ll just kiss me. Or to see you pout because I can kiss your pout away.”

“We kiss a lot,” Mat points out.

“Yeah, well we’re married.”

Y/n: 10

“What’s my favorite color on you?”

“You love me in blue because it inflates your ego,” you roll your eyes. You think about all the times you’ve bought lingerie that was the same blue as the one on his hockey uniform. You immediately blush.

“You just look sexy in blue,” he states.

“Sure,” you say, unconvinced and your arms crossed over your chest.

Mat pulls the chair you’re seated on closer to him, brushing some of your hair behind your ear. You press a chaste kiss to his palm.

“Blue is your best color. I mean you’re even wearing it right now,” he says, pointing at the dark blue top you’re wearing.

“Ugh… kiss me,” he doesn’t keep you waiting.

Y/n: 11

“What makes me laugh?”

“Easy. Angel’s baby giggles make you laugh so much. Oh and you also laugh a lot when we watch jersey shore.”

“Nothing can beat Angel’s giggles. Cutest thing ever.”

Y/n: 12

You get out of your chair, dancing your way to Mat so you can sit on his lap.

“I won! I won! I won!” You sing.

“No, I don’t think so. I definitely have it in the bag,” Mat says, arms wrapped around your waist while your back leans against his chest.

“I’m educated in Y/n Barzal! That should be the name of a bachelor’s degree,” Mat jokes.

“Shushhh,” you quiet him with a finger to his lips. You smile at him, too happy and too in love to ever be bothered with him.

“Please tell us who won,” you requested.

“Y/n has 11/12 correct and Mat has 10/12 correct,” someone from the camera crew tells you.

“HA! I won,” you say in Mat’s face, grabbing his cheeks to kiss his lips repeatedly.

“Sorry if we kiss too much on camera. I just really love my husband,” you muse.

“Thank you so much for watching. I’m actually the winner, but we’ll let Y/n believe she won,” Mat teases you.

“It’s okay, hotshot, we all know I’m the best,” you say playfully.

“Thank you all for watching. We love you,” you add.

“Ready to go? I need more kisses,” Mat carries you out of the camera’s frame.

a/n: I had fun with this one, So I hope y’all enjoy!

#mat barzal #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal blurb #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal smut #mat barzal angst #mat barzal fluff #nhl imagine #nhl fic #new york islanders #visceral in doses #gq couples quiz

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petite-gloom · 2 months

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Would you ever release old videos? My fear is that one day you might private your current vids like attic archives, I don’t know how I would cope without them. Because your channel a) is a comfort b) made me feel normal and less alone and c) actually made me go to the doctors and get help with my autism diagnosis ☁️

no i won’t make old videos public again. but when i started the channel back this time i made decisions that help me feel more comfortable with their long term availability (like not showing my face as much), so i don’t intend to private the attic archives, even if i do one day stop uploading

i don’t want to say never because honestly existing this visibly on the internet is scary as shit sometimes and if i ever have to remove my content to protect my safety or something i will, but it would only ever be a worse case scenario. i imagine that’s not particularly comforting but i dont want to lie to you about it

just know i have no intention of removing them otherwise and every time i upload i think “ok am i happy with this existing forever?” and do my best to make sure that i am 📹💭

#answers

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vampitz · 7 months

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why i headcanon/see shidou kirisaki as autistic!!!

(note: i am not a medical professional, just an autistic person on the internet. all of my interpretations of his autism come from the lens of being autistic. you might see him completely differently and thats ok!)

autistic! shidou is a headcanon i hold very near and dear to me and talk about it. a lot. as such, i thought id compile some actual reasonings as to why i view him as autistic.

ill be using snippets from the dsm-5 in this post. i will be mainly using portal conversations as proof, because i feel like they are the most "casual" we can get the characters to be.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts

shidou has a very straightforward way of speaking and seems to ignore social rules of "politeness" a lot of the time, while still remaining pretty calm.

shidou also seems to have some sort of difficulty wording himself, and in almost every single portal conversation he trails in and out of sentences. the only characters who do this more than him are haruka and muu.

Shidou: That’s good…… You were crying so much, so I was concerned for you. ……yeah, I’m sure. Your family will definitely be worrying about you. I…… hope you can go back soon.

little snippet of what i mean, this amount of trailing off happens in pretty much every shidou portal conversation

shidou also is constantly misinterpreted by his facial language and his tone. on multiple occasions he is referred to as hard to approach, and so calm its "suspicious". characters are surprised when he smiles or is actually a nice person.

"Mu: Shidou-san…… did you come here to comfort me……? I’m sorry, I’d thought you were…… a scary person…… fufu."

Kotoko: …… Shidou, right? I’ve been watching your actions for a while, and I’m curious. You’re always extremely calm, and your expression never changes. Do you know something about this place? Shidou: No, I know nothing. ……I’ve never really had an expressive face. Despite appearances, I am quite shaken by this.

Mikoto: Also, I don’t give nicknames to [ ] the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san.

he also seems to have difficulty holding conversations, as most portal conversations with him involve him trailing off, talking to himself (ex. with amane) or just like, not elaborating on what hes saying.

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities

the repetitive patterns/behaviors is a little bit hard to determine, since they are in prison and not really acting like their "real selves" in terms of behavior. also, since milgram is a series mainly in voice dramas and music videos its kind of difficult to pinpoint any physical repeated behaviors.

when it comes to heavily focused interests, though, shidou seems to be completely obsessed with his work. although this could just be him being a workaholic, the amount of passion he had in it before milgram really reminds me of a special interest that has been pursued as a career.

he also seems very knowledgeable in other topics, such as being able to recite japanese criminal law from the top of his head. again, this could easily be interpreted as him just trying to learn the best way to argue for a death penalty but i dont really care this is my headcanon sooo.

in terms of sensory issues, shidou's issues with his hands could totally play into those. what is specifically wrong with his hands has never been stated: it could be nerve damage, sensory issues, or something else. i see it as a mix of sensory issues and some other underlying conditions.

Mikoto: By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves? Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels.

in his trial 2 interrogation, he says he cant wear rings because they lessen the feeling in his fingertips. this could easily be sensory issues in his hands.

thats pretty much all i have to say regarding this!!! if it wasnt obvious this is just a silly headcanon thats mainly me projecting, but it does have basis in canon to a degree. shidou, with his easily misinterpreted tone and facial expressions and deep love for his interests just reminds me a lot of myself.

(btw if you like this headcanon i did write a fic of shidou getting diagnosed with autism if you wanna read it haha... shameless self promo)

#shidou kirisaki #milgram #analysis sort of not really #krav talks #i speedran this sorry guys i just wanted to get this out in the open #feel free to lmk any thoughts or questions you have regarding this

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081314 · 1 year

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Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 2 (Part 3)

Following is part 3 of my translation of Chapter 2 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss. This part contains episodes 7-30 to 7-37. This concludes Chapter 2.

Main storyline spoilers after the cut!!

Episode 7-30

Ortho: Woah, there’s so many people here. The place is packed all the way from the dorm lounge down to the hallways. This turned out to be quite the grand celebration… And my big brother’s the only one in school who didn’t attend….

Ace: Yo, Ortho! Over here!

Ortho: So you guys all came, too.

Grim: *munch munch* You’re late, Ortho! All the tasty meat they cooked up is already gone, ya know?

Ortho: Fufu. Thank you for your concern, but I don’t require oral intake of energy, so it’s fine.

Deuce: You did get here pretty late. Did something happen?

Ortho: Yeah, I was attempting this high-difficulty quest before I came here. Namely trying to get my brother to come to the party.

Ace: Gotcha. Guess you weren’t able to clear it, huh?

Ortho: His Defense stats were impeccable as ever. I guess he’s not in the partying mood because of what happened yesterday.

Yuu: What do you mean?

Ortho: Truth is, this person my big brother’s been gaming buddies with for a while now announced yesterday that he’s retiring. And it appears they never exchanged offline contact information. Big brother was really upset about it, saying he just cut ties with him like it was nothing.

Deuce: Huh…? They’ve been friends this whole time but never knew each other’s contact info?

Ortho: It’s not at all uncommon for people to refrain from sharing their personal information and whatnot with their online acquaintances, regardless if they’ve known each other for a long time. My big brother is especially private. Even on the Magicam account he uses for gaming, he never once talks about any of his personal matters… And it appears the same was true for his friend. I feel that might be part of the reason why they got along so well.

Grim: Somebody who got along with Mr. doom and gloom Idia, huh. I betcha that guy must be a real party pooper, too.

Ortho: E-Erm... How should I put this… Big brother isn’t as gloomy online as he is in real life. On the contrary, he’s pretty enthusiastic. I guess?

Deuce: Shroud Senpai is!?

Ace: I mean, your online persona can be completely different from who you are in real life. Being able to make up your age, gender, appearance, and personality however you want is what the internet’s all about

Ortho: From my point of view, something like online anonymity doesn’t even exist… It’d be a piece of cake for me to expose the identity of big brother’s online friend.

Ace: Yikes. You Ignihyde students are scary.

Ortho: But big brother told me not to do it this time.

Deuce: Really? Ah, I guess even if you go find out who this guy is, your brother’d just end up doxxing himself the moment he reaches out to him. I bet that’d be a pretty scary thing for him to do.

Ace: That’s not even the problem here. If somebody you never gave your number to just messaged you all of a sudden, you'd get pretty freaked out, yeah?

Ortho: Yeah, you’re right. *sigh* …For my big brother, this person was his precious, living breathing friend. He went by the name Muscle Crimson. Big brother said that based on the contents of their chat exchanges, he appeared to be a calm and composed adult man, but… This person would always equip himself with a bunch of joke gear and storm into high level quests, and he would purposefully go trigger dangerous gimmicks and end up KO’d on the floor. He had a very unique play style. Even just considering his gaming handle, we can’t rule out the possibility that he was someone with an eccentric personality. For example, someone like… Ah, look over there. Someone like that…

Episode 7-31

Ortho: For example, someone like…. Ah, look over there. Someone like that…

Lilia: Hey, hey. Are you first years enjoying the drinks? Today’s my treat～ Drink up, drink up!

Jack: O-Okay. I’ll have a glass of juice, then.

Lilia: Isn’t it just delectable? Oh, I’m sure it is! That’s Briar Valley’s famous berry juice you’ve got there!

Jack: Y-Yeah. It’s delicious.

Lilia: In Briar Valley, you can’t have yourself a celebration without some berries at hand. That’s especially so for birthdays - the party can’t even start without them!

Epel: W-Wow. Really?

Lilia: Hm. You! Isn't your glass empty?

Epel: Eh hehehe…. Well, I’m really full from all the food so I think I’m good on drinks. Maybe?

Lilia: What’s this～? Are you trying to slink away without drinking any of my juice～!? Back in my heyday, I’d guzzle down entire barrels of this stuff whenever we had a feast. You youth of today just don’t cut it! Sebek! Go get me another dozen bottles of berry juice～～～!

Sebek: Yes, sir! I shall fetch them once!

(Sebek runs off)

Ace: Wha- you’re getting that fired up over juice!?

Lilia: Heh. When you’re a connoisseur such as myself, joy can be found in something as simple as a glass of juice.

Deuce: I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone cause such a commotion over juice…

Jack: Argh… This isn’t good... I came here to say thanks to Lilia Senpai, but when I went to go to talk to him I got stuck in this mess. I almost missed my chance. Ahem! Lilia Senpai… Thanks for helping us out during the interdorm spelldrive tournament… I was hoping we could have a rematch against you guys fair and square at the interschool tourney, but it’s… frustrating we won’t be able to now.

Lilia: Kufufu. What a courteous Kouhai you are - much different from your Senpai. The annual Interschool Spelldrive Championship Tournament, huh. It’s a shame I won’t be able to compete…. But please do ruffle up those Royal Sword Academy students for me this year, the favorites to win they may be. I’ll be expecting great things from you!

Jack: You can count on us! And thanks!

Epel: Lilia-san. You and I aren’t much different in height, but even so… You always stood right by Malleus-san's side as his equal at every school event we’ve had. I always thought that was amazing. I know we didn’t get a chance to talk much since we’re in different dorms and all, but I wish I could’ve asked you some more about… ahh… some pointers for being strong. I guess.

Lilia: Oh, if it isn’t the apple of Pomefiore’s eye. When I watched your guys’ performance at the VDC, you were positively grand up on that stage. You appeared so much bigger up there than you do in real life.

Epel: Wha- Really? Ehhehe, I’m happy to hear it!

Lilia: A person’s physique has no bearing on their abilities as a mage, don’t forget that. You keep on working hard, okay?

Epel: I will! And please stay well, Lilia Senpai.

Episode 7-32

Ortho: Lilia Vanrouge-san, thank you so much for inviting me here today. I know you also invited my big brother…. Idia Shroud, the dorm warden of Ignihyde, but something came up and he won’t be able to make it.

Lilia: That’s a shame. You be sure to give him my greetings. I never really had the chance to speak with him in length… But I’ve heard he’s quite a hardcore gamer. I’ve also become a bit of a gamer myself since enrolling here.

Ortho: Woah! So even Diasomnia students play video games.

Lilia: Ah ha ha! Your older brother had a similar reaction. I’ve thought about inviting him to join me in some co-op play, but I never got the chance to ask him in the end.

Ortho: Really? I’m so happy you even considered wanting to reach out to him. Lilia-san, would you mind telling me your email address? Even if you’re moving far away, we’ll always be able to hang out together online, right?

Lilia: Errm… The place I’m moving to doesn’t have much in terms of internet service…

Ortho: I see. If you’ll only have access to something like a narrowband network, it’d be difficult to play any MMOs or FPS games…. But if you at least give me your contact information, then we could play together if they ever set up a broadband network over there.

Lilia: …. Alright. Then I’ll just go ahead and give you my email address.

Ortho: Could you display it on your phone as a QR code for me? Then I’ll be able to scan it.

(beep)

Lilia: You mean like this?

Ortho: ….Registration complete. I’ll send you a list of multiplayer games that you and my big brother could play together.

(ring 🎵)

Lilia: Oh, my. I’ve played many of these titles you have on here. I remember getting really into this RPG and this shooting game.

Ortho: Wait, really!? My big brother’s absolutely crazy about that shooting game, but… Even when he tries doing multiplayer mode not many people join in. I guess because he kind of turns into a maniac when he plays.

Lilia: Ever since I was but a novice gamer, I’ve had this one online friend who taught me all the basics. I got into that game per his recommendation.

Ortho: Oh, cool. It sounds like your online friend has good taste. I bet he’d also get along with my big brother! When we all game together someday, please invite him to join us.

Lilia: …Yes… Someday… At any rate, I never would’ve thought I’d end up befriending a humanoid when I enrolled here. You live and you learn, as they say.

Ortho: Fufufu! And I’m also really happy, as you’re the first fairy friend I’ve made. Whenever you get your internet situation worked out, please reach out to me at any time.

Lilia: Of course! I’ll be looking forward to it.

Episode 7-33

Lilia: Ah. If it isn’t… Ramshackle Dorm’s prefect and his little furry student.

Yuu: Thank you for inviting us.

Grim: What! This guy might be the prefect, but I’m the boss! Don’t get it wrong!

Lilia: Oh, is that so. Please excuse me. ….Hm. Since you came, Yuu, I wish Malleus would have also showed up.

Grim: Huh? He’s not here? Even though it’s a farewell party for one of his own henchman… He ain’t doin’ a very good job as the boss.

Lilia: Indeed. I hope you can give him some advice on how to be a better boss.

Grim: Whelp, guess I don’t have a choice, huh～ Since you guys cooked up all this tasty meat for us, I’ll show ‘im the ropes.

Lilia: Yuu. Since you came here, you’ve treated Malleus just the same as you have your other school friends.….. And for that, please let me say my thanks to you. I’m sure you know this already, but he’s both a fairy and the crown prince of Briar Valley…. As well as one of the most powerful mages in the world. Due to his terrible strength, people usually keep their distance from him. However… He needs to get to know the outside world better... And he needs people he can call his friends. I’ll be leaving this school, but… If it’s alright with you, please do continue your friendship with him.

Yuu: Of course.

(Yuu has a vision of Maleficent and gets shaken up)

Yuu: Augh, this is…!

Lilia: …? What’s wrong? You’re staring off into space… Are you okay?

Grim: He’s sure been doing that a lot lately.

Lilia: Our own Silver often succumbs to drowsiness and falls asleep standing up, but… Hmm. This is a bit concerning. You should discuss this with the principal when you can.

(Yuu nods in agreement)

Jack: Oi. You sure you’re okay? Your legs are shaking.

Ortho: Yuu-san, I recommended you sit down and rest for a moment.

Epel: Yeah, you’re looking really pale.

Yuu: I’m telling you guys, I’m fine.

Grim: Did ya eat to much? You’re such a handful, henchman.

(Ace walks over to Deuce and they start talking amongst themselves)

Ace: Deuce, Yuu isn’t looking too hot. Let’s talk to Lilia Senpai real quick and get outta here.

Deuce: Yeah. If we don’t talk to the party host before we go, Warden Riddle’s gonna have our heads.

Ace: “It’s a show of good manners that predates even the Queen of Hearts’ Rules”, as he'd say. Uuuh, hey Lilia Senpai! Thanks for inviting us to the party!

Deuce: All the drinks and food were delicious.

Lilia: Ah, you’re from the fresh crop of Heartslabyul’s card soldiers.

Deuce: Thanks so much for helping us settle the score back at the spelldrive tournament! It’s just…too bad that we have to say goodbye before we can pay you back for it.

Lilia: Kufufu. You, Cater, and the others all have such a strong sense of duty.

Ace: Well, yeah. According to the Queen of Hearts’ laws, you gotta return whatever you borrow or steal.

Lilia: Well then… If you really would like to repay me that badly, could you lend an ear to a certain request I have?

Episode 7-34

Lilia: Well then… If you really would like to repay me that badly, could you lend an ear to a certain request I have?

Ace / Deuce: Request?

Lilia: It concerns one of our first years… Sebek Zigvolt. He enrolled six months ago, and yet I haven’t once heard him mention anything about making new friends with the students in his grade.

Ace: Aaah, yeah… I got a few electives with him. He’s a bit of an oddball.

Deuce: Really? I’ve had a few joint classes with him, but that’s about it.

Ace: How should I put it… The way he talks, it’s like he’s always looking down at you. Whenever you get stuck doing group work with him, he’ll get all up in your face and be like, “You best not get in my way, human!” and stuff. And it doesn’t matter what you talk about, he’ll always relate it back to Malleus Senpai somehow and start blabbering about just how great he is.

Deuce: H-He does sound kind of intense…

Ace: I always had the impression there’s lots of “Draconians” in Diasomnia, but the guy goes totally overboard.

Deuce: Draconians?

Ace: Yeah, that’s what my Senpai in basketball club calls ‘em. They’re like Malleus Draconia groupies… Ah, more like his crazy fans. I guess they’re like that ‘cause Malleus Senpai is super strong, and he’s got, like, this aura around him… I can’t say I don’t get why people look up to him so much, but yeah. When people take it too far, it’s just…

Lilia: I do apologize. He’s not a bad person, it’s just that whenever Malleus’s name pops up, he gets a little…. No, he gets extreme tunnel vision.

Ace: Don’t tell me… You wanna ask us to be his friends?

Lilia: No, that’s not it. I just want you to…. If he ever hits a dead end during his time at school here, or if you ever see that he’s stopped moving forward and doesn’t know where to go next…. Could you two card soldiers give him a little nudge for me?

Deuce: So you’re basically asking us to help him out?

Lilia: Well, the Dark Mirror chooses people who are willing to take the hand that’s offered to them, right?

Deuce: Y-Yeah… Right.

Ace: I mean, if somebody at this school came up to you offering help, there’s no way they wouldn’t have some ulterior motive in mind. Only an idiot would take their hand.

Deuce: Oof, you got a point!

Sebek: Sir Lilia～! I have returned with the additional berry juice.

Lilia: Ah, we were just getting tired of waiting. Sebek, how about we take this opportunity and all do a toast together? The people gathered here are your fellow students, and your friendly rivals. This is a good chance to deepen your friendship with students from the other dorms.

Sebek: ….Sir Lilia. While I am incredibly grateful for your thoughtfulness, I have no intention of rubbing shoulders with these petty-minded individuals.

Everyone: What?

Sebek: There is one, and only one, reason why I enrolled at Night Raven College. And that is to acquire the knowledge and skills needed to serve as Lord Malleus’s guardsman!!! I haven’t the need for any more training partners, as Silver and the other Diasomnia students suffice. You weak little humans would be nothing but an encumbrance for me!! I have no reason to fraternize with you lot!

Lilia: ….*sigh* Sebek. You little…

Ace: …That right? Well don’t you worry. No way in hell would I wanna be friends with someone like you.

Deuce: Can’t you tell you’re disgracing your Senpai the way you talk?

Sebek: Hmph. If something is unnecessary, I don’t see what’s the matter with stating as such. Sir Lilia’s boundless kindness is why he’s treating you commoners with the utmost courtesy, that’s all. You should be thankful. And don’t you dare act so conceited, humans!

Lilia: Sebek! That’s enough!

Sebek: But…But I…. Argh..

Lilia: Goodness. I’d heard you were attached to Baul’s hip when you were little, but… You really did turn into the spitting image of your grandfather, all the way down to his speaking mannerisms and his way of thinking. If you’re this hard-headed at your young age, then I can’t help but worry about your future. Listen, Sebek. You have this wonderful opportunity to meet people who see things differently than you do, so don’t waste it. The world is so much bigger than you think it is, and there’s so much for you to learn. Don’t narrow down your worldview so much that you’re the only one in it. You understand?

Sebek: Sir Lilia… Yes, sir. I apologize. I shall be sure to take your words to heart.

(Everyone looks at Sebek expectantly)

Sebek: ……………….. Humph!

Ace: This guy’s hopeless. I doubt a single thing Lilia Senpai told him got through to his head, let alone his heart.

Crowley: Vanrouge-kun, I apologize for interrupting your conversation.

Episode 7-35

Crowley: Vanrouge-kun, I apologize for interrupting your conversation.

Lilia: Principal.

Crowley: ….Your carriage has arrived. It’s time for you to depart.

Lilia: Already? Time really does fly by when you’re having fun.

Sebek: P-Please wait, Sir Lilia! The young Lord and Silver have yet to return! If you could please speak with them before you go, if but for a moment!

Lilia: It’s alright, Sebek. I mustn’t keep the carriage waiting. Please give those two my well wishes for me.

Sebek: But that’s-!

Lilia: ….It was over 500 years ago when a single black envelope arrived at the Briar Valley royal castle. And within it was an acceptance letter to Night Raven College, addressed to my name. However… Back then, I hadn’t the slightest care to attend school, and I threw it away without a second glance. A few years ago, I was surprised to learn a certain someone had been safekeeping that letter this whole time within the castle archives… That was such a profoundly considerate thing they did for me, and I’m thankful to them from the bottom of my heart. And thank you, Dire Crowley, for permitting this old bag of bones to enroll here.

Crowley: I never could have imagined a student would show up one day with a 500-year-old acceptance letter in hand. But, as long as one has both the desire to learn and documentation of their acceptance, then we are glad to welcome any problem child into these hallowed halls. That’s Night Raven College’s policy, after all.

Lilia: The little under three years I spent studying here at this school, living in unison with members of all different species… It truly was like a dream. It pains me to have to say this… But I wish you all farewell!

(A cold wind blows through the lounge)

Everyone: !!

(Malleus appears in a pillar of green fire)

Malleus: Well, well… What a glittering assemblage. Students, faculty…Everyone is in attendance. Fufufu….!

(The crowds murmur)

(Silver appears in a pillar of green fire)

Silver: ….! T-This is? Diasomnia?

Lilia: Malleus!? Silver!? What happened? You’re completely covered in snow. The tip of your nose is all red, Silver… Hm? ...Silver, were you crying?

Silver: No, I-! This is just…

Malleus: Thank you for the invitation, and I do apologize for arriving so late. I’ve been mulling it over for so long, just what I should give you…. No, what I should give you all as a gift. And I’ve finally arrived at my answer. I certainly hope you will accept this… gift from my heart.

Episode 7-36

Malleus: I certainly hope you will accept this… gift from my heart.

Lilia: A gift? Malleus…. Just what do you have in mind?

Malleus: Listen well, all of you! I am going to bestow the most splendid of gifts upon you all. You shall no longer need to mourn any more partings, nor shed any more tears. *What we should be celebrating today is a beginning, not the end!

Silver: A… beginning?

Malleus: Heh heh…. Indeed. You all shall be born anew today. Into a world without sorrow, a world where you’ll never have to say goodbye to your family, or friends… or to anything ever again!

Crowley: Draconia-kun!? Just what are you intending to do here!?

Grim: Yikes! All my fur’s standing on end!

Yuu: T-Tsunotarou…!?

(An alarm sounds)

Ortho: A rapid accumulation of blot has been detected within a 10 meter radius. A magical disaster emergency alert has been issued. Immediate evacuation and further precautionary measures are advised.

Crowley: A magical disaster!? Augh…. Everyone! I permit you to use offensive magic! Stop Draconia-kun!

Everyone: !!

*This is what he says out loud. In the text he says: “What we should be celebrating today is a birth, not a parting!”

Episode 7-37

Malleus: Stand back, you fools.

Everyone: !!!

Lilia: Stop it, Malleus!! That’s enough!! …Dammit. I can’t even muster up enough magic for a single attack!

Malleus: Oh, Lilia… You were once so mighty. How it breaks my heart to see you like this.

Lilia: You idiot! Do you even realize what you’re doing!? What is the point of all this!?

Malleus: I WILL NOT LOSE YOU!!

Lilia: !!

Silver: Father! Please draw back. Lord Malleus isn’t in his right mind!

Sebek: M-My Lord…. Please… Please quell your raging heart!

Malleus: What are you so frightened of? A wondrous future lies before you. Now, give me your hand. Heh, heh heh…. Ah ha ha ha ha!

Sebek / Silver: …..!

Lilia: No… Stop!!

Malleus: O Spinning Wheel of Fate, spin thy thread of calamity. I, the King of the Abyss, shall bestow upon thee… *a blessing.

Lilia: Malleeeuuuus!!!

(As Malleus overblots, black thorns begin to entomb the school and the entire island)

(Everyone at the party is cast into a deep slumber)

Silver: Zzzzz….

Sebek: Zzzz….

Lilia: Zzzzz….

Malleus: Heh heh heh…. Ah ha ha ha ha ha! It’s alright…. You have nothing to fear. If you surrender yourselves to sleep, even a thousand years can pass in the blink of an eye. You all…. Shall become the heroes of your own fairytales.

(He is saying “Fae of Maleficence” out loud, and “a blessing” in the text)

Chapter 2 (Part 1)

Chapter 2 (Part 2)

#malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst silver #epel felmier #jack howl #ortho shroud #dire crowley #sebek zigvolt #silver #twst #twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #ruler of the abyss

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