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ncssian · 3 years

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A Favor: Part Eleven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: first chapter after acosf!! im sorry for how short this one is, but acosf wrecked me and writing this put me back together. i hope it does something similar for you ❤️

***

“You say you’ve been doing better lately?”

The therapist’s office is plain, a little gloomy, but big windows overlook the center of town that make Nesta feel less suffocated.

She nods, “Yeah.”

“How would you describe ‘better’?” Dr. Bond— Lana, she insists on being called— has been endlessly patient with Nesta’s non-answers so far. Nesta almost feels bad and decides to throw the woman a rope.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she says. “I used to be alone all the time, but now I have friends, sort of… and a boyfriend.” She still loves that word. It’s never tasted so exciting before.

“You were always alone before this, then? Or were there just people that you didn’t consider noteworthy?”

A scowl rises to Nesta’s mouth. Damn, she works quick. “I was raised with two sisters in a one-bedroom apartment. I never got to be alone, but then I grew up, and…” Her mind wants to skip over the time she spent in college. “For the last couple of years, I holed up in my own place. Never wanted to talk to anybody or see them. If people took an interest in me, I shut them down because I didn’t have an interest in them.”

“You missed a few years,” Lana notes.

“What?”

“You’re twenty-four, and you moved out at eighteen. Where were you before getting your own place?”

Numbness seeps through Nesta at the question. She knows she can ask Lana to change the topic, but that will only bring it back later. “I had a boyfriend in college,” she says flatly. “I lived with him for a few years, but like you said, it isn’t noteworthy.”

“As a fellow lone wolf, I disagree.” Lana’s clinical polite face is unchanging. “Any person who you trust enough to let into your life is noteworthy.”

Nesta says nothing.

“I’m interested in these people you’ve chosen to trust,” her therapist continues after a beat of silence. “Why don’t we start with whoever you trust most?”

Nesta snorts. This she can talk about.

“His name is Cassian. I’ve been living with him ever since my apartment got flooded a couple of months ago, and he’s always been a good friend to me.” She sits there, thinking about what else to say. “I think I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody.”

“This is the new boyfriend?”

Nesta nods.

“Do you compare him to the old one?”

Nesta doesn’t know what this lady’s angle is, but she answers carefully, “I used to. Back when I first moved in. I haven’t done it in a long time, though.”

“Why not?”

The answer is simple. “There’s no need to. He’s not comparable to anybody.”

“Is that why you opened up to him after two years of self-imposed isolation?”

Nesta looks away. “It wasn’t isolation,” she defends. “It’s just… after a lifetime of being subjected to the gaze of strangers, I wanted to hide. I liked hiding.” Mostly.

“What does that mean, the gaze of strangers?”

Question after cool question, this one. Nesta struggles to find a proper answer.

“You know how,” she starts slowly, “as soon as you start school, you’re placed into this bubble with a bunch of people who don’t know you and have no reason to care about you? There’s a shift in how you view people, and how people view you. And I thought I could leave it behind once I graduated high school, but it followed me to college and to parties and into everyday interactions.”

“What is it?”

“It’s this—” Nesta waves her hands, “judgment. It’s that thing you do as soon as you meet someone, and you try to determine whether they’re worth your time or not. Whether they’re above or below you in this made-up social hierarchy in your head.”

“Explain that more,” Lana says.

“We want to hang around people we find cool. And when we meet someone new, we inspect them, look them up and down, to see if they fit our definition of cool. We take them apart. Everyone does it, even you. And with me,” she shrugs, “I’m pretty, I wear the right clothes, I do my makeup. So at first glance, people think, ‘Oh, I can see myself getting to know her better. I can see myself liking her.’ But then they take a closer look at me, and it’s like…” Her fingers flutter in the air, trying to support her thoughts. “I can see their minds changing. ‘Nevermind, I was wrong. Nevermind, there’s something off with her. She’s a little quiet, a little weird, a little bitchy.’”

Lana narrows her eyes. “And Cassian doesn’t look at you like that?”

Nesta looks away. “He doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

It’s what used to make her so uncomfortable about him. She was incapable of fathoming his honesty, his genuineness, his kindness. She thought he was even weirder than her for it— she placed him beneath her on her social hierarchy for it.

Lana frowns thoughtfully. “And now you two live together?”

Nesta nods, then shrugs. “For the next twenty-four hours, we do. He’s helping me move back into my old place.”

Because that was another conversation she and Cassian had on Thanksgiving night. It was a long time coming, but also the perfect time.

“You’re saying your apartment has been ready for weeks? Why are you just telling me now?”

Nesta pillowed her face on his chest, not as upset at revealing the news as she would have been some days ago. “Because I was scared that if I moved out, I would lose my friendship with you.”

“That never would have happened—”

“We wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. Even if we didn’t go back to being complete strangers, the closeness would be lost.”

“You must not know me, then. I would’ve texted you every fucking hour. You’d never hear the end of me.”

“I couldn’t guarantee that back then.” She looked up at him through her lashes. “I can now.” She crawled higher up his body, lowering her voice to a secretive pitch. “Want to know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because you’re mine now. And that’s what I was waiting for while I made Lorene hold that shitty empty apartment for me. I was waiting for a catalyst, a revelation.” She pressed a kiss to his sternum. “And I most definitely got it.” The pleasant ache between her legs was proof enough. “Also,” she added, “it would be weird if you lived with your girlfriend before even having a first date with her.”

Cassian huffed a laugh. “You have a point there. We have been moving backwards, haven’t we?”

Nesta nodded into his skin.

He got a little quiet. “Still,” he said after a moment. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me every day. I’ll be fifteen minutes away.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I know.”

“What does talking about guys have to do with my therapy?” Nesta squirms, getting restless with the topic.

“Lots of things,” Lana says, putting down her notepad. “It gets you comfortable with expressing your feelings to me, and it teaches me about how you view the world. Besides, therapy isn’t just a rehashing of past traumas, you know. We can talk about whatever you want here, especially if it makes you feel good.”

“Well, I want to talk about something else.” She’s not spending this much money by the hour just to talk about how much she likes Cassian— she can go to Cassian for that for free.

“Like what?” Lana asks smoothly.

She’s offering an opening, finally, to the real reason that Nesta’s here.

Nesta pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, wondering where to start. “I feel like I’ve been growing up lately,” she says carefully. “I have all these new people in my life to be responsible for, and I’m— I want to do it right. But I’m worried I won’t have room for new things until I pack up some of my old shit, so that’s why I’m here, I guess. I don’t want to hold on to all of my old shit anymore.”

At Lana’s encouraging silence, she continues, “I spent my whole life stuck in a suffocating town, and as soon as I left, I got stuck in a relationship. By the time I knew what freedom felt like, I— I’d been left behind. Everyone I knew was moving onto bigger things and all I had was this shitbag of a past. So I got a new place and started law school and called it a fresh start, but now I’m here and I’m not sure if I ever got better.”

She takes a sharp breath after everything that’s spilled.

Lana purses her lips, letting the room absorb Nesta’s words. After a long moment, she says, “Just because bad things stop happening to someone, doesn’t mean they instantly get better. It’s a good thing that you’re recognizing that before stepping into new relationships, Nesta.”

Lana glances at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but this was a productive first session.” She offers a small smile. “Same time next week?” She says it as if it isn’t already a done deal.

Nesta nods gratefully anyway, unable to say anything else. As soon as she’s out the door, a pent-up sigh escapes her. That wasn’t so bad.

***

Later that night, Nesta doesn’t miss Cassian’s wistful stare as he takes down the painting he got her from the fall festival. Nor does she miss how slowly he packs it away.

Once the bedroom she made her home is as sparse as the day she moved in, all her things packed away neatly in boxes, Nesta wraps her arms around Cassian and pulls him to the bed. There, she lets him hold her close, their breaths and limbs intertwining as they lie in thoughtful silence.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see this room again,” Nesta says quietly.

Cassian’s eyes widen in alarm. “What do you mean, never again?”

“I’ll be staying in your room whenever I visit, remember?” Her underwear already occupies a drawer in his closet.

Cassian visibly relaxes when he remembers, then smiles. “Right. Of course.”

She lets herself sink deeper into his embrace. “I just realized you’ve never seen my apartment before.” He was waiting at the front door of Lorene’s place while Nesta collected her things all those weeks ago, but she cringes at the thought of him visiting now. The clear wealth gap between her and Cassian doesn’t usually show, but it’ll be undeniable with the cramped room she calls an apartment. “Maybe it’s best if I move back in without your help. There might not even be space there for your huge body.”

“Sounds more appealing by the minute.” He’s not joking. He tilts up Nesta’s chin so she’s forced to meet his eyes. “I can’t wait to start partaking in your life the way you took over mine. Spending nights at your place, meeting your friends, riding in your car instead of mine.”

Nesta swallows.

“I’m gonna miss you like hell, but it’ll be for the best.”

He’s right: this is what’s best for their budding relationship right now. Moving out, creating even a little bit of distance— all of it is so they can finally learn each other as lovers instead of roommates. So when they do come back together, which Nesta firmly believes they will, it’ll be stronger than ever before.

Some of their shared sadness flits away at the truth of it. She only places her hand on his cheek, content to appreciate this view— this beautiful, hazel-shaded view— without further chitchat or goodbyes.

Cassian is not as fond of the silence. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously after a few minutes.

After only a handful of days dating Cassian, Nesta knows what he’s going to say. “Don’t,” she warns, unamused.

He grins conspiratorially and leans in even closer, until their mouths are almost brushing. “You’re my everything, Nesta.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” She squirms out of his hold and gets up, tossing the blankets off herself.

“No, come back!” He makes a grab for her sleeve. “We have to use the bed one last time—”

But she’s already running off.

***

Cassian carefully arranges the canvas painting on the wall, taking a step back to determine if it’s hanging straight. The ruby and amber leaves of the landscape stand out against the dull teal walls of Nesta’s basement apartment, but he’s just getting started.

The rest of Nesta’s things are half-unpacked from their cardboard boxes, but instead of going for the important shit first, he finds the box he specifically marked FAVES in bold letters the night before.

While Nesta wrangles to get her clothes back into her old closet in the background, Cassian crouches and rips open the small box. There, lying atop his girlfriend’s favorite trinkets and personal items, is the framed photo he snuck in without her noticing.

It’s of the two of them at the fall festival, taken mere hours before their first kiss. Nesta is pressed up close to Cassian (her excuse being that it was cold), and a genuine light fills her eyes, one that Cassian never thought he’d be able to capture on camera. Cassian himself isn’t looking at the camera, but down at Nesta with wind-flushed cheeks and a distant smile. Making sure she’s having a good time, that she truly wants to be there with him in that moment.

He never realized how close they looked in that picture until he had it printed and framed, not long after Nesta announced she was moving out. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.

Standing up, he places the photo on Nesta’s wooden dresser. Nesta still has her head in the closet, moving things around, but Cassian makes no announcement of his gift to her. She’ll notice it sooner or later.

He clears his throat. “Wanna take a break and order Chinese?”

Nesta pops her head out of the closet, her ponytail ruffled and eyes narrowed at him. “Have you even been helping this whole time?”

“Standing here and looking pretty is harder than it seems, but I don’t expect any credit from you,” he jokes. “Just let me buy you lunch.”

Nesta grumbles something he chooses not to hear, but straightens up and rubs her spine with a wince. “I need a fucking chiropractor,” she mutters.

Guilt shoots through Cassian at that small wince, and he resolves to finish organizing Nesta’s closet for her before the day is over. Nesta goes on, “So? Still determined to split your time between here and the cabin?” She gestures to the apartment with an arm.

It’s really just a glorified single room, with a rusty kitchenette in the corner, a hallway near the stairs that holds the bathroom, and Nesta’s bed pushed against one wall. It’s nothing special, but Cassian loves it. Mostly because he can already envision each new nook and cranny to take Nesta against, and how he wants to wake up in that too-small bed on days that he’s too lazy to drive home.

“It’s perfect,” he says simply. Thank you for sharing your home with me, is what he really means. Speaking of homes—

Cassian digs around in his pocket, finding and pulling out a newly-minted silver key. “I almost forgot to give you this.”

Nesta frowns, coming forward to take the key from him. He uses the closeness as an excuse to wrap his arms around her waist while she inspects the object.

She glances up at him, eyes softer than they were a moment ago, lips slightly parted. “You’re giving me a key to the cabin?”

He shrugs casually. “You should’ve gotten one a long time ago.” She used either Cassian’s key or the spare while she lived there.

Her mouth is still open, and she closes it once, twice, before finally saying, “I don’t have a key to my place for you.”

“But I can get one,” she adds quickly. “If you want it, that is.”

Of course he wants it, but he keeps his face carefully neutral. “Only if you want me to have one. We’re still new, and this is your personal space.” He emphasizes your.

Nesta purses her lips, then says, “I’ll think about it.”

Cassian’s shoulders slump in relief— relief that Nesta is being honest with him instead of doing something she isn’t yet ready for. He’ll take her honesty over an apartment key any day.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiles brightly and shoves her toward the bed. “If we’re getting dumplings again then you can’t steal mine.”

***

a/n: fair warning that ive never been to therapy, but in stories therapists are usually a mode for character exploration and development, which is what nesta's therapy will be for.

also im so glad i got to meet gwyn in acosf and im so excited to introduce her into this fic too!! if you have ideas for her origin story feel free to share because nothing is planned yet

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @swankii-art-teacher

#a favor #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fic #ncssianwrites

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addictedtojmanga · 3 years

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Shoujo manga recommendations - otome game isekai

So, after 10+ years reading shoujo manga, I’ve read over 1k titles, admittedly, a reasonable amount is one-shot (or at least a collection of), but nonetheless, over time I had to expand my interests.

Lately, I’ve started reading the otome game isekai genre, and decided it’d be nice to share the ones I thought were best.

Most of them are pretty much the same, but the best ones usually have a twist, so...

! Warning: You’ll most likely want to beat up 1 or 2 characters from each one, but worry not, so do I and the other characters

1. Fiancée's Observation Log of the Self-proclaimed Villainess

Crown prince Cecil was so brilliant that everything in life was easy to the point of boring him, then one day, his fiancée Bertia suddenly said "Prince Cecil, I am a villainess!" Claiming that this world is the same as that of an "otome game" from her past life and that she is playing the role of the "villainess" in it, she aims to play her part well and have their engagement annulled. With that goal in mind, she sets about causing turmoil in Cecil's daily life.

This one definitely takes the gold for me. Super sweet and pretty funny.

2. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Most people would prefer being the protagonist of a world full of adventure, be it in a game or in another world. But, unfortunately, a certain girl is not so lucky. Regaining the memories of her past life, she realizes that she was reborn in the world of Fortune Lover—one of the games she used to play. Unfortunately, the character she was reincarnated into—Katarina Claes—is the game's main antagonist, who faces utter doom in every ending. Using her extensive knowledge of the game, she takes it upon herself to escape from the chains of this accursed destiny. However, this will not be an easy feat, especially since she needs to be cautious as to not set off death flags that may speed up the impending doom she is trying to avoid. Even so, to make a change that will affect the lives of everyone around her, she strives—not as the heroine—but as the villainess.

This one takes 2nd place! It has a different result than others, and the FL is great - everyone is, to be fair.

3. Of Course I’ll Claim Palimony

"I'll annul our engagement!" My fiancé suddenly declared?! Apparently he's in love with the recently transferred count's daughter and is planning on making me the villain in order to annul the engagement. Although I have no lingering attachments about the engagement, I do have to claim a hefty consolation fee don't I?

This is sooo good. The FL is spectacular and manages to stand out - even if just a bit - from the rest of the genre.

4. I’m a Villainous Daughter, so I’m going to keep the Last Boss

Avoid the BAD END! That's the goal of the villainess in this plot-twisting story!! She has been reborn into the world of an otome game as the villainess, Irene. Using her memories of her former life, she recognizes flags indicating she's en-route to the bad end, so she makes a plan to conquer the last boss (the evil king Claude), make him her lover, and see if she can open up a new route!

Pretty funny, and the FL is bold. Also, the ML is a bishounen.

It’s one of the few mangas from this genre that has been completely translated, and since it only has 13 chapters, it’s a good way to start out.

5. The Plain & Unnoticeable Me is No More

Elaine Lana Norris, who was born at the top of the aristocratic daughter, was declared abandoned by her second fiancé at the school's founding party. Lana, who has been made a villain daughter, is driven out of her home by a strict grandfather. But there is a secret in Lana that everyone doesn't know about?

I don’t want to give out any spoilers, however, it suffices to say that she accepts her role as the villainess.

Ok, I think these 5 are my favorite, but the ones below have been selected as well, so they’re still pretty good and worth reading.

6. The Villiainess Is Adored by the Crown Prince of the Neighboring Kingdom

Tiararose was supposed to be disengaged and exiled from the country. “This was the Otome game I had played!” She realized on the day before the story’s ending??……. Shall I wait for the judgment? But, I did not do anything too cruel……. Thinking so, the ending continues. But, during the judgement??something that was not possible in the game happened. The neighboring crown prince courted the villainous daughter Tiararose.

ML: 10/10 FL: 8/10 (too insecure for my taste)

7. Endo and Kobayashi’s Live Commentary on the Villainess

She’s always putting on that grumpy face even though she’s not actually that upset! Oh, why can’t she just be honest with herself…!??? She is a tsundere, after all? When her embarrassment levels exceed a certain limit, she will explode into anger. However, the point that she’s suppressing under the surface is that she wouldn’t mind that sort of thing if it were in a less public place.? As Endo-kun passionately reacts to the antics of Lady Liselotte, the villainess of an otome game, Kobayashi-san provides a painstaking breakdown of her tsundere behaviour. Suddenly, one person could hear their voices; Liselotte’s fiancée, Prince Siegward. That is where this story begins.

8. I’m the Villainess, but the Capture Targets are too Abnormal

The villainess, Mystia, remembered her past life on her 10th birthday and has unwittingly turned the characters in the otome game "Kyun Kyun Love School" into yanderes! In order to avoid becoming the love rival of the "heroine" who will lead her to her downfall, she starts making every effort to break off her engagement with her "prince-like classmate"! That’s was what supposed to happen...But, because of her kind personality, her favorability increased instead!

It’s still in its beginning stages, but seems pretty solid.

9. Though I May Be a Villainess, I'll Show You I Can Obtain Happiness!

A collection of one shots.

Great way to start out, it has quite a few options, so if you don’t like one, give another one a try!

10. The Villainess, Cecilia Silvie, Doesn't Want to Die, So She Decided to Cross-dress!

I was reincarnated into the body Cecilia Silvie, the villainess of an otome game. According to the plot, what awaits me in the normal route is either a slow, painful death or an instantaneous one... Essentially, every route leads to my demise. Then I'll change my fate! And that's why I decided to become a man. However, I made a mistake during a certain event, and the story began to head down an unexpected path...?

I haven’t seen any other like this, and if you like gender bender, this one’s for you!

11. I’ll Become a Villainess That Will Go Down in History ― The More of a Villainess I Become, the More the Prince will Dote on Me

Alicia is the eldest daughter of the noble Williams family—a bloodline that excels in dark magic. Her jet-black hair and golden eyes command a powerful presence, but her most unique features are, without a doubt, her sharp tongue and malevolent nature. By all means, she is a villainess, but also a fictional character from an otome game!

12. I’m Not a Villainess!! Just Because I Can Control Darkness Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad Person!

The novel The Saint Beloved by the Prince is set in the land of Lacia, where spirits control the elements, each of which is overseen by a "Spirit King." On rare occasions, these Spirit Kings may bless a single human, granting them immense magical control over their respective element. The heroine, Amelia Logan, and the villainess, Claudia Leitzya, are two sides of the same coin, blessed by the Light and Dark Spirit Kings respectively. However, while Amelia is beloved, Claudia is hated and rejected due to her dark skin, ebony locks, and aptitude for dark magic. After dying in modern-day Japan, Sakura is reborn as an infant Claudia. While difficult at first, Claudia tries to adjust to this new life, all the while accompanied by the Dark Spirit King Gerald. But even this task is far from easy; people fear her at first glance, no matter how she acts toward them. Still, Claudia is set on changing her fate from the novel, proving she is a good person and breaking free from the shackles of a "villainess."

13. Rebirth of the Villainess: The Life of Letizia after the Engagement Annulment

For some reason, the duke's daughter, Letizia, was plotting to break her engagement with the prince. Her plan succeeded and the prince, none the wiser. But shortly after the engagement was terminated... The King collapsed! In that moment, she recalled her memories of her past life as a nurse and she fully utilised her knowledge & experience as a nurse, to save the King's life. Thinking she had achieved what she wanted, she thought she could finally relax, drinking her favourite beverage and leisurely spend her time, she instead somehow keeps getting involved in incident after incident. The slow and peaceful life is now nothing but a dream!? Lazy daughter, busy seeking freedom and laziness!

14. I Won't Become a Villainess. I'm Just a "Normal" Duke's Daughter!

A Japanese person reincarnated into an otome game chock full of death flags for the villainess, Rosalind. "I'm going to live an enjoyable life in this world!" Making full use of the game knowledge to avoid death flags, for some reason events keep happening one after another?! Contracting with spirits, helping her father (the prime minister) with his work using her modern day knowledge, taking a walk with the holy beast... and on top of all that, even starting up the heroine's event...? Will Rosalind be able to smash through every unknown death flag that comes her way...?! And will she be able to be fluffy lovey-dovey with the supporting beastkin character she liked from her previous life?!

Cute. Has beasts.

15. Milady Just Wants to Relax

She worked herself to death in her past life, but then she was reborn in another world as the villainess Ronia! As expected, her engagement is broken and she's expelled from society, but now she takes that chance to live peacefully, and even opens a cafe with the help of her fairy comrades, which is becoming unexpectedly popular with beast-kin...?

Also cute. Also has beasts.

16. I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

Violette, a proud and beautiful daughter of a duke, commits a crime out of jealousy towards her half-sister. Convicted, Violet faces her own heart with sincerity in a prison cell and regrets her sin. Then time rewinds to a turning point—to her first meeting with Maryjun one year ago. Violette makes a decision. She will not make mistakes this time. Without committing a crime and bothering anyone, she will live an ordinary, plain and inconspicuous life...! However, incidents contrary to Violette's expectations occur one after another...?!

17. I Became a Villain Daughter

On her 15th birthday, Hinase Kaede, a young girl who was working as a part-timer, perished in a traffic accident. Upon her death, a self-proclaimed “God” appeared, declaring that Kaede would be brought back to life. However, Kaede’s happiness was short-lived and her soul was thrown into Erika, the villainess of an otome game! In the original game, Erika became a saint candidate alongside the heroine, committed evil deeds over the course of the candidacy, and ultimately faced condemnation. Thus, Kaede decides that she will not get close to the main characters of the game so as to avoid the bad end, but yet——?

#manga #shoujo #shojo #shoujo manga #shojo manga #manga cap #romance #otome game #isekai #mangacap #shoujo recommendation #bakarina #bertia #endo and kobayashi’s live commentary on the villainess #fiancée's observation log of the self-proclaimed villainess #villainess

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starrygalaxy04 · 3 years

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Songs That Remind Them of You (MLQC Headcannons)

Victor

Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John)- Victor is a sucker for romantic-style music, and this song is no exception. He can't help but imagine dueting this song with you whenever it plays softly in the background while he's making your favorite caramel pudding.

Adore You (Harry Styles)- He would never admit it, but this man just wants to shower you in affection. His favorite moments are when he gets to hold you in his arms and he can just gaze at you with the insane amount of joy, admiration, love, and unfiltered affection that only you get to see. He's been searching for you for a very long time, and he's going to cherish every second of being with you.

Still the One (One Direction)- He would never admit he ever listens to this song because like hell is anyone going to find out that he listens to boy bands, but this song's lyrics strike all the right chords with him. He loves the message it sends because its the very message he will always reiterate to you when you feel like you're not enough or he could do better. Its you, its always been you.

Lucien

Dark Side (Kelly Clarkson)- This man has a hard time knowing that you love him and are blissfully unaware of the monster that lurks just below the surface. He often finds himself wondering if you would still love him if he were just Ares, or if you would leave after you found out all of the things he had done for the sake of progress. But every time you wrap your arms around him or smile at him, all those worries melt away because he feels true emotion when he looks at you.

Its Gonna Be Me (NSYNC)- He knows that anyone in this world can have you, and it would kill him if you chose anyone else besides him. So he wants to make absolutely sure that he will never even have to think about letting his beautiful butterfly go. He is forever yours, and you will be forever his, even if it takes an eternity for that to happen.

Line Without A Hook (Ricky Montgomery)- This song mainly applies after Lucien no longer remembers MC, because I feel like it accurately describes how he feels. He knows MC doesn't trust him and is purposefully being distant, but at the same time the feelings that the other him felt are slowly trickling in and before long he's wishing that he could fix whatever it was that was tearing MC up so bad inside. And he knows that as he is, he's no good for you. But that doesn't mean that he isn't going to ignore the voice of reason in his head like the other him did and try his hardest to be what he once was for you.

Kiro

Fight For This Love (Cheryl)- Kiro knows that with him being a huge pop idol that sometimes the pressure gets to you. And he wants you to know he is always there and will be there next to you to fight through the thick and thin. He always wants to be with his favorite person ever, and will do whatever it takes to make sure that you're okay and he can be there to experience everything life has to offer with you, and to assure you that you are worth it.

100% Pure Love (Crystal Waters)- True to the name of the song, everything that Kiro feels (well almost everything, if you get what I mean) comes from the purest parts of him. He always wants you to be the happiest you can, always making sure that you have a bright smile on your face. And he knows what you two have is something people could only dream of, and having you in his arms is the best thing that ever happened since he met you again at that convenience store.

Price Tag (Jessie J)- He knows that when you two are together, nothing else matters. He knows you're not with him just because he's Kiro the superstar, but because he's Kiro. The bubbly 22 year-old who has an affinity for sweets and puppies with an adventurous streak. And he knows that if you two are next to each other, you wouldn't need anything else to have a good time.

Gavin

Treasure (Bruno Mars)- Honey, you are the center of this man's universe. He had treasured you since the first day he laid eyes on you, and wanted nothing more than to be by your side. And now that he is, he is over the moon. He may not be able to shower you in lavish gifts like some of the others, but every single moment you two spend together more than makes up from it, whether its a picnic under the stars or a midnight flight.

What A Man Gotta Do (The Jonas Brothers)- This brings back some of his older memories, back from the high school days. He was so shy when it came to you, and he never even knew how to approach you the majority of the time. So he always watched from the distance, wondering what he could do to get you to notice him. The song allows him to reflect on those cringey memories with a smile, and let him enjoy the fact that you were his, even after all that had happened.

Loving You Tonight (Andrew Allen)- This man can't wait to come home and just lay in your arms, or have you lay in his arms. His favorite moments are the ones of pure domesticity, things he never saw between his mother and father when he was younger. It feels so pure and freeing, and just so right. He loves every moment of it, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Helios

Popular Monster (Falling in Reverse)- While Helios is indeed a person, Helios is somewhat of a character that Kiro is playing. Its the side of him that he can't show to the world. He has killed people to protect others, to protect you, and in that way, he's exactly as the title reads, a popular monster.

Therefore I Am (Billie Eilish)- As Helios, he knows that everything relies on technique and execution, so he has completely shut out emotional functions for the most part, except when he's around you. But because Kiro is such a good actor, its very hard to tell. He knows that he's that bitch, and is not afraid to prove it, being blunt about literally everything. But he also knows that you have the perseverance of a God, to the point that its stupid, but as you build the confidence that comes with the identity of your Evol, he sees you growing in a way that he could have never taught you as Kiro.

Cigarette Duet (Princess Chelsea)- Helios knows that he can't associate with you as much as when he was Kiro because Black Swan is a bitch, but one thing he always wants to make sure is that you haven't fallen down and devolved into bad habits. The one thing that didn't leave Helios was his ability to care specifically about you, and even thinking that you would get into a habit that would harm yourself makes his blood boil. So he always makes sure you've remained drug-free and that you see him just enough that it won't get him in trouble and can give you comfort.

Shaw

No Roots (Alice Merton)- Shaw's idea of you is something much like how Victor saw you in the beginning. Someone who thrust themselves into something way over their head and now had to deal with the consequences of it. The only reason he believed you was because he knew of things (the man has his ways) and decided to help you because he found you just interesting enough that he thought it might be fun. But he found himself envying the fact that you didn't have a past in this world, and that you were free to do whatever you pleased without a reputation preceding you. He didn't like the fact that it caused you pain, but thanks to his asshole of a father the idea sounded a little too good to him.

Sad Girl (Lana Del Rey)- Shaw often found you moping around at first, mourning the fact that you had lost everything. But in the end, he was the one who helped you get over it, getting you back to your normal self. He still catches glimpses of that depressed look in your eyes, and always makes sure to lighten up on the teasing when he does see it. He never got the chance to be a kid and grow up properly, so he couldn't fathom exactly how hard it was for you. But he still tried.

White Tee (CORPSE)- We all know Shaw would be more into the punk style, and his music taste is no exception. He likes listening to mostly emo style music, and dabbles into a little bit of everything when he feels like it. However, this song mixes together his anger at the world for giving him such a shit childhood and the fact that with you he feels like he can start fresh. Because even though everyone else falls into the same category with him, you were different, and he wanted to explore that kind of different.

#mlqc kiro #mlqc headcanon #mlqc shaw #love and producer #mr love victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc gavin #mlqc helios

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127-mile · 4 years

Text

Now that we found love.

Pairing : ceo!Suh Johnny x black widow!Reader.

Genre : Rich!au, friends to lovers / Fluff, angst, smut.

Warnings : non-explicit mention of death, mature content (semi-public sex, fingering, slight dirty talk, spit as lube, slight choking, unprotected sex (use protections kids), come eating), alcohol.

Word count : +10k.

Plot : Yn travels a lot, and in each new city, each new country, she is known for being irresistible and for always getting what she wants. She also lures wealthy people into marriage, just before they meet an untimely death. Johnny is a young and wealthy CEO who decided to enjoy a well deserved summer of freedom. Yn knows him, knows his fortune. She wants him. Terribly.

You can't escape my affection, wrap you up in my daisy chains.

A/N : Hello, and welcome to another collab organized by the wonderful @neo-cult-ure for summer. We had to choose a song with the word summer, and I picked Summer Bummer by Lana Del Rey. Please, go read the others writers works, and give us feedback, it’ll be much appreciated. + prompt from idea-garden.

"Johnny, let me introduce you to Yn, she's going to do her internship here with you." Mr. Suh says with a thin smile to the boy who nods his head. He's tall, and handsome although a little uncomfortable in his tailored suit. You know Johnny, you were in high school together and from what you've heard from your friends he's still the same. A very nice boy, with a full wallet. Which is of course a plus.

"I hope you take good care of her, and show her everything she needs to know over the next months or so." once more Johnny nods without opening his mouth, lips pursed. "Perfect! Welcome miss." you smile at the man who takes his leave. Then finally you turn to Johnny once more, your smile is more mischevious now. "Daddy's business eh?" He rolls his eyes, of course he remembers you, too. You didn't have the best relationship back then, maybe because you always had fun annoying him.

He never deserved this kind of treatment, but maybe your problem with dealing with your emotions and feelings was the reason, or maybe because you just liked to draw attention on yourself in the worst ways. "I'm kidding Johnny, I'm here to learn, not to annoy you." He sighs, and you don't know if it's a good thing or not, but eventually he opens his mouth. "Don't worry, everyone has the same reaction when they hear that I work here. Come on, I'll show you your office."

Coming from a person like Johnny Suh, it was to be expected that he would work in his father's company. Such a large, wealthy, and influential company is held for generations, and Johnny being an only child belongs in this place. "It's cool I think, working here. No matter what happens during your school years, you know you have a comfortable place waiting for you, with an office overlooking the city, and a good pay in the end of each month."

Johnny stays silent, and he gets on the elevator. The climb to the 20th floor is silent, and tense. Maybe that wasn't the best way to start a conversation, and start a friendship. But no one can resist your charms, so you know that at one point or another, he'll crack and open up more to you. Being so charming is one of the reasons your wallet looks so awesome at your age, especially for a student. But he doesn't need to know that detail.

Finally, he walks to a room which is large and contains several desks. He shows you one of them. "There you go, this is where you will be." You think he's going to leave, but instead he takes his place behind the desk which is in front of you and only separated by a transparent screen. At least if you're bored, you'll have plenty of time to admire Johnny. "So tell me. What are we doing?" you try to look excited to help relax Johnny, and that seems to work for a second since he doesn't frown anymore. "Not much, we take care of the photocopies, the simple contracts, and if you're unlucky enough to run into an idiot, you'll make the coffee."

Well, you couldn't expect to do anything more interesting. "Good thing, I love making coffee." at least that remark has a knack for making Johnny laugh, and it's nice to hear. To be honest, you didn't apply to do your internship at this company because you dream of running a business that is worth millions of dollars. Rather because you dream of emptying the pockets of the people who work there. You see, you had the best example growing up. Your mother had a knack for bringing different men home over the years, and eventually they all disappeared. And when they disappeared, the house got bigger, and the car more luxurious. It didn't take long for you to figure out what was going on. Your mother was a black widow. And you wanted to be one too.

You grew up in luxury, and you plan to grow old in luxury.

One month is enough to change your relationship with Johnny. You even start to regret having bothered him so much in school, because he is adorable, and he thinks of others before thinking of himself. He is intelligent, and well spoken. You enjoy being in his presence, that's a fact.

And to be honest, if bringing so many men to your feet weren't your main mission for the future, you might fall in love with Johnny. And even with said mission, it's hard for you to resist his charm. Yes, you have a natural charm, but so does he. Besides, you are breathless when you see him, in a costume that costs probably three times your rent, talking to his father.

The company decided to throw a party to celebrate the end of your 3 months internship, so Johnny decided to put everything on his physique. With his black hair slicked back, and the thin glasses that are held by a gold chain around his neck. You shake your head, and you walk into the room where several of your future former colleagues greet you. You smile, and you gladly accept the glass of champagne offered to you. While waiting for Johnny to realize your presence, you speak with several people. Little unnecessary conversations, but after a while you feel a hand resting on your shoulder.

"You are radiant tonight! Excited to leave us?" Johnny asks, and you smile as you face him. Yes, even if the internship is over, Johnny will continue to come and work with his father when his schedule allows it. "Not really, I'll miss seeing you bump into desks and knock down coffees."

Johnny, on top of his 6ft pouts, and you bite your lip so as not to laugh. He's adorable, but you're sure it would be frowned upon to approach him to squich his cheeks. "I am not doing it on purpose !" he finally said with an offended expression. You drink the last sip of your champagne, and you put your glass on the nearest table. "Of course not! But really, I will miss you." it's the truth, you got attached to that big idiot.

Johnny's smile is triumphant and you roll your eyes. "I'll miss you too, but we'll meet again." you don't know when, since you're going to go back to university, and you don't know where you will even be in a few months, but you nod your head. "Of course! You owe me seven coffees, and I intend to charge you for them one by one."

The rest of the evening went off without a hitch. You laugh with Johnny as you accumulate glasses of champagne, and when the guests start to leave, you feel good. And tipsy. Johnny isn't in a better shape, he laughs a lot and makes jokes that would be considered inappropriate if they didn't make you laugh so much.

And his hand has found its place in your lower back every time you moved around the room. Eventually it's time for you to leave too so you greet the last guests including Johnny's dad and you leave the building. Yes, you will miss this building with those large windows and the magnificent view they offer over the city. Johnny follows you closely, whispering everything and nothing until he pulls up in front of a car with an engine running.

"You want a ride home ?" He asks, and you nod your head. You've got your car in the parking, but you're not stupid enough to take it with so much alcohol in your body. A chauffeur gets out, and he opens the back door. You wolf-whistle and he laughs. "Well well Johnny Suh has his own chauffeur !"

You sit by the window, and Johnny takes a seat in the middle. His thigh against yours, you let your head fall on his shoulder. It's silent, at least until you open your mouth. "I'm so sorry, you know. For bothering you so much at school." Some people have it nasty, or sad, or even horny because of alcohol, but when it comes to you, alcohol forces you into a guilty mode. And that's not fun. "Eh it's fine, don't feel bad about it. It was years ago." you raise your head, and your eyes meet Johnnys' who is smiling softly. You lean over and place a little kiss on the corner of his lips. "You shouldn't be so nice Johnny."

When the car pulls up in front of your apartment complex, the driver helps you get out without hitting your head or tripping over the sidewalk. You raise your eyebrow, and you watch Johnny for a second. "I will miss you, Suh." you lean over the opened window to kiss his cheek and with those words, you turn on your heels.

The car's door closes, as does this chapter of your life.

Five years have passed since the departure party organized at the Suh company. And boy, things have happened in five years.

First, you graduated. Not that you use those three years of schooling to do something useful, but it is something you can brag about every now and then.

Second, you deepened your work as a black widow. If you initially only used your charms to get money from old people in need of attention, now you get a lot more. You live in constant luxury. You travel the world, you visit wonderful places, and each time, you leave with a little more money in your bank account. A bit more ? Who are you kidding? With a lot more.

Third, you haven't seen Johnny again. Well, you've seen him several times in five years, but not in person. You've seen him on the cover of magazines, in interviews, and on television. Johnny has become one of the youngest, wealthiest, and most beautiful CEOs. Nothing really surprising.

And above all, he has become your next prey.

Normally, you are satisfied with old people who do not necessarily have a family who will worry about seeing him fall in love with a young girl like you. And above all, you don't attack people you already know. But Johnny .. Johnny has something you want. Youth, money. And it's an experience that couldn't hurt you, right ?

If you thought you could have fallen in love with him when you were younger, you have changed now, you have matured and you no longer succumb to the charms of anyone around you. You have nothing to fear.

And summer seems like the perfect time to have him.

Johnny decided it was time for him to take his first vacation since taking over the family business. And fortunately, you had a friend who still worked with the Suh family, ready to give you the information you needed for a small financial compensation. So here you are.

"Keep laughing, and I'm going to hurt you." you mumble while bringing the blanket over your face to prevent the rays of sunshine from dazzling you. You feel movement next to you, and immediately, Ten's laughter echoes right in your ear, which makes you growl. "You little shit!" he laughs harder, encircling your body with his arms and you fidget to withdraw from his embrace, the room is too hot, you don't need that extra warmth.

You stop moving when Ten puts his head on your chest, and you think you can enjoy a few more minutes of sleep, but it is too much for Ten who gets his phone to finish watching the video that clearly woke you up. "Why are you even awake? It's too early." Ten is used to sleeping late, and you don't know why this morning is different. "You were snoring." he deadpanned.

You punch him in the shoulder, and he squeaks before sitting down, rubbing his bare skin. "Why did you do that?" He asks, a pout on his face and you sigh. "I don't snore." you take your phone from the charger and whine at the time on the screen : 7:04am. The jetlag is still rough on you even after two weeks, or is that just you growing older, all you wanted was to spend your day in bed, but obviously, Ten had other ideas.

"What are we doing today ?" Ten asks and you shrug. "You, I don't know, but I have someone to see." Ten frowns, he's annoyed that he's always the last to know about your plans. It must have been 4 years since he joined your little shenanigans after the sudden death of his father, and yet, it's like you don't trust him enough. "I thought we were here to enjoy some time off ? Didn't you say you needed a break ?"

You get up from the bed and laugh softly. Ten is adorable, that's something you know for sure. But he's even more naive, that would make him almost endearing. "Oh, honey. I don't have time for a day off. Maybe in two or three years from now." you never thought about ending your little black widow career. You're having too much fun, and the feeling of having a full bank account is divine. "But you are welcome to leave, if you want."

The subject of his departure is put on the carpet every time you move to a new place, but he never did. He never left. On one hand, he likes the luxury life that you offer him too much, and on the other, he is afraid that you will not let him get away with it so easily because he knows all your secrets. And he's right, you will never let him leave you. Or maybe you will. In a body bag.

"That's what I thought," you say when Ten stays silent, avoiding your gaze. You take your purse, and take out a credit card to throw it on his lap. "Go have fun. Treat yourself, find yourself a cute little thing to bring back home tonight." With these words, you lock yourself in the bathroom for a long shower. The water is hot, and it leaves your skin burning, incredible. When you go out, a towel wrapped around your chest, you hear the water coming from the second bathroom, which means that Ten is getting ready to go out too. It's still early, so you definitely have time to eat breakfast with him before you go looking for your new prey.

"Breakfast ?" you ask when Ten return to the room, with his usual mischievous smile. The conversation already forgotten, and you can thank the credit card for that. Ten likes pretty things, and you like to make him happy, it's a good deal. Together, you leave the house to a small café you discovered the day you moved here. The house offers a magnificent view of the sea. In the height of summer, the heat is overwhelming, so you promise to go for a walk on the beach when the sun goes down. And if you're lucky enough, maybe you won't be alone.

The small town begins to fill with tourists who go to the beach. You stop to admire a few shops, barely listening to Ten, and after a little while, you enter said café. The boy behind the counter smiles at you, offering you a view of beautiful dimples. "Good morning, what can I do for you?" He asks in a soft voice, music to your ears. "Two iced Americano, please." He nods, and he turns to prepare the drinks.

"There you go, enjoy!" He tells you by handing you the plastic cups after you've paid. This is the problem of having a new prey, you have no idea how long it will take before you see them, or before you have the opportunity to speak to them. It's boring to say the least, but it's worth it. Well, you hope that Johnny will be worth it, and if it is not the case, well you'll go to the next one.

You sit by the glass window, Ten facing you. He sighs, and you tilt your head to the side. "A penny for your thoughts?" he shrugs before taking a sip of coffee. "Nothing," Ten begins, "why here? You don't like tourists, and most of all, you don't like the beach." He's not wrong, you have always preferred big cities, the bustle, the constant hum of cars, the smell of pollution and above all, the absence of sand. "Because I had no choice." You shrug and Ten shakes his head. He knows he won't have much more information. He's a good boy.

Once your coffee is done, you get up under Ten's curious gaze. "Okay, I have things to do. See you later? Take care of yourself." You bend down, and kiss his forehead, and like a cat, Ten seeks more warmth from your lips. You go out of the little café smiling at the barista, and you walk to the city center. If the message you received earlier was not wrong, your prey should be around the Royal Albion Hotel. So you go there, your hands in the pockets of your thin jacket, and strangely enough, you see him. That was easy. You could say this is beginner's luck, but Johnny is definitely not the first.

Brown hair covering his eyes, the sun giving his skin a beautiful glow, a camera hanging from his neck. Johnny Suh is standing in all his glory. You approach slowly, admiring the width of his shoulders, and the way the gentle breeze rushes through his white shirt.

You tap your index finger on his shoulder, and you clear your throat to make sure to get Johnny's attention. Immediately, he turns and when his gaze meets yours, a smile lights up his face. His beautiful face. "Oh, thank god! For a second I thought I was wrong, that would have been embarrassing." you say in a soft voice, and Johnny's smile doesn't fade, quite the contrary. The rays of sunshine reflect in his eyes which take on a golden hue. "Yn, what a surprise to see you here, it's been so long!" he hugs you for a few seconds before taking a step back to look you up and down. "What are you doing here ?"

"Oh, I needed a break. A break away from the big city, so what about you? Already tired of being the big boss of the Suh's company ?" you tilt your head, truly interested in what he has to say, well, you already know what he is going to tell you, but it's all in the act. The more genuine you look, the more he will trust you. And trust is what you look for the most when you have a new prey. If it works when you don't know your prey, it should also work when you already know it. And you don't think there's a lot of trust left between you after so many years apart.

Johnny shakes his head, his fingers rubbing his camera. "It is tiring, but I quite like it. I just felt like a break could be good." well, you're glad he decided to do that, it's much easier. Of course you could have waited a few more years, waited for his bank account to be fuller but you were never known for being patient. And you didn't have anything on your to-do list as of right now.

"I understand, you deserve to enjoy a little." he nods, a small laugh leaving his full, rosy lips. "You certainly have things to do, I wouldn't want to bother you." to support your words, you look at his camera, and Johnny follows your gaze, never losing his smile. "I wanted some shots of the beach, and maybe of the old village. But we could meet again later, what do you think?" you see, that's the advantage you don't have with a prey you don't know, it's not as easy to have a date or to strike up a conversation.

"Oh, I'd love to. I've been here for a couple of weeks already, maybe you'd like me to show you around? I know a pretty good restaurant." you tilt your head, your voice is overflowing with sweetness and you are almost sickened by it but it seems to work on Johnny whose gaze never leaves you. "That would be amazing, let's meet here at 6pm?" you nod your head, and a sudden surge of confidence makes you step forward to place a small kiss on his cheek.

You turn to wave at him, and you're pretty sure you see him blush, but it could very well be a trick played by the sun. You keep smiling until you get to the house. You have several hours to kill, you might as well spend them somewhere comfortable. You could have invited Johnny over, but you don't want to risk to get caught by Ten either bringing someone new, or with one too many glasses of alcohol clouding his judgment and stopping his brain to mouth filter to work. Ten has a big mouth, and you really don't want him to spill all of your secrets.

Time flies by, and before you know it, you find yourself waiting for Johnny at the same place you found him this morning. He's right on time, and he's still so handsome. His hair is wavy, maybe from the sea air, adorable. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long." is the first thing he says to you when his gaze meets yours and you shake your head. "Not at all, I barely arrived five minutes ago."

The walk to the restaurant is pleasant. Tourists are always on the beach, or already home for a well-deserved shower. Johnny talks about his work, his photographs, the time you were both interns, everything and nothing. It's nice to be in his company, you think, even when the silence sets in, it's not heavy, it's comfortable. Which is rare with you. This is the perks of being old friends.

"Oh my god, I've been talking so much!" Johnny says, sitting across from you in the restaurant. He hides his face with his hands and you laugh softly. He looks like an embarrassed child, not what you would expect from the playboy Johnny Suh. "It's okay, I like hearing you talk!" you smile at him when he finally deigns to show his face, his cheeks a slight reddish tint. "You seem to be really passionate about photography, why didn't you continue in this path ?"

Of course, you know the answer, it's obvious. But you put it down anyway. Johnny sighs, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. "Oh you know, I didn't really have a choice. As an only child, it was obvious that I was going to take over my father's company. I tried to talk to him when I was younger, trying to make him understand that maybe selling the company and retiring would be a good thing, I've never taken such a hard slap in my life." he's laughing, but you can see in his eyes that it's not genuine.

"The idea of being like my father scared me when I was younger. Good grades at school, place in society, a wife and children who will take over when I'm too old to work, a reputation that should not be tarnished at the risk of losing everything. But I think that over time, I got used to the idea." Johnny shrugs, and even though you're here to seduce and manipulate him, your heart hurts for him. Because Johnny is a good person, he deserves to be happy the way he wants. "It's not that bad after all."

You shake your head, you can't afford to have sympathy, or worse, empathy for someone you are going to manipulate and kill. Yes, knowing your prey has many advantages but also disadvantages. You can't afford to be sensitive, and be fooled. "It's sad anyway. Having a child, and not allowing him to live the life he wants, not wanting him to be happy and flourish in the life that he built for himself." Johnny sighs, but before he can open his mouth to answer, he's cut off by the waitress. "It is what it is." he says when she is gone.

"Enough about me, what's up? What has happened in the past five years?" he asks, and you shrug. Of course, you have prepared a speech, the same that you give to all your preys. “Oh, well I graduated, and I realized that wasn't what I wanted to do at all. So I gave myself a year to travel, and to think. I started to get a taste for travelling, for discovering new cultures, so much so that I never stay long in one place. I find small jobs, and when I'm bored, I find my next destination." in a way, you're not really lying. You've spent the last few years traveling, but not for the reasons he thinks.

"But it's tiring in the long run, you know. Not having a place to call home. I know I'm still young, that I can land somewhere, and make a living, start a family, but that's the problem, I don't know where I want to make my life."

Johnny nods, he listens intently, it's like he's drinking your words, and it's genuinely adorable. “I understand,” he begins. "I hope you find the place where you feel comfortable and happy." if he knew this place was going to be his apartment, he would certainly be surprised. But one thing at a time.

"Tell me, heartbreaker, do you have someone in your life? I've read every one of your interviews, and you're still very secret about your private life. Tell me everything." he scoffs, and you put your elbows on the table to get closer to him. You're ready to hear it all, and why would he refuse? You were friends once. "I don't have time for a serious love affair. I have one night stands, but that's it."

You sigh dramatically before taking a sip of the wine. "What do you mean you don't have time for a love story? You don't have time because you don't give yourself time. Maybe that would change if you had someone who was waiting for you at home every nights. Don't you think ? " you ask, tilting your head, and he seems to think about it.

"You're absolutely right. But who would want a man like me? My job is my priority, and it will remain my priority until I reach the age to hand over to someone else." Johnny is really not trying to make an effort. "Listen to me, Suh. You are an amazing man, you are kind, smart and selfless. Your job is your priority because you haven't experienced anything else during the past years. You haven't had the chance to experience love. So of course right now you can't imagine your life without your job in mind, but it will happen, believe me."

The way the dinner turned isn't how you thought it would, but that's okay. You have three weeks to make him fall under your spell, and what better than a serious discussion eh? Fortunately after that, the conversation becomes lighter, and you talk about the memories of your internship. Besides, when you leave the restaurant, you are not yet finished. It is true that there are a lot of things to say.

"Do you remember the departure party, when I brought you home? I was planning to kiss you." He says, giggling. He drank too much wine, and so have you, but it's more visible on him. The tips of his ears are red, and so are his cheeks. It's cute, you can't say otherwise. "Oh yeah? And why didn't you do it?" He shrugs and stops near the beach. "It's your fault! You kissed me on the cheek, you broke the mood!"

"Did I break the mood?" You ask by removing your shoes to put your feet on the sand, wincing at the feeling between your toes, Johnny following you without being asked. "I can't believe it! Say you were afraid of being rejected." He rolls his eyes, and you bite your lip to keep from laughing. To be honest, you have missed that kind of pointless little argument that you always had. "Being rejected? Why? You said it yourself, I'm an amazing man."

Using your own words against you is dirty, but you're laughing. You walk towards the water, and even if you can't see him, you can feel Johnny's presence behind you. "You know, if you had kissed me, maybe you wouldn't have to come into an empty house every night."

After that evening, you saw Johnny every day for an entire week. Whether it was to go for a coffee, or to take pictures, you were inseparable. And you found out that he was more than his good physique and his incredible smile. Once again, you found yourself stuck. Because once again, you knew that you could fall in love with him if you were not careful.

When you told Ten about Johnny, he advised you not to do it, not to choose him. He said it might get you in trouble, and maybe even put you in danger and you start to think that for once, maybe he was right. As for the danger, you don't know if you could ever be, but for the problems ... yes. Because it's hard not to get attached to Johnny, not wanting to hear his melodious laughter every day, and to see him smile at every opportunity.

You hate to admit it, but because of Johnny, you were starting to question your black widow status. You are weak. Weak for Johnny. But it's wrong, you can't afford it. You have to continue with your plan. You will seduce him, make him fall in love with you, and you will end up with your name in his will. Too bad if it hurts, you'll get over it eventually.

Ten noticed the change in your behavior. Because normally, in a week, you are already more involved in the life of your prey. But with Johnny, nothing happened. Not even a kiss. So of course, every time you come home from a day with Johnny, he teases you like the little shit he is. You gotta step up your game before you beat Ten's ass.

That's why you decided to invite Johnny over to the house for the first time. The atmosphere will be nice, and relaxed, maybe that will help you to take it up a gear. "I invited Johnny over to the house for dinner tonight, so if you could leave, it would be nice." Ten barely looks up from his bowl of cereal and he sighs. He's spent his week trying not to cross you or Johnny, mostly because he knows you don't trust him. And he is right.

"Okay." He says as he stand up to throw the rest of his milk in the kitchen sink. "I think I can still find myself a cute little thing." at least he's not bored, because he's charming and people have a hard time resisting him. Luckily, he doesn't kill these people, he just spends a nice night with them and lets them go the next day. Unlike you.

You spend the rest of the day preparing for Johnny's coming. You install fairylights in the garden, you put candles on the table and flowers that you bought earlier. It's pretty, and you might throw up. After a long cold shower, you dress simply, it is way too hot to make a fuss.

And at eight o'clock sharp, Johnny knocks on the door. You open, and you are met with a big smile, and a bouquet of red roses in his hands. "It's for me ?" you ask, tilting your head, and he admires the bouquet. "No, for the neighbor, but I haven't had the chance to see her." you roll your eyes and push yourself to let him in the house. Finally, he gives you the flowers, and you thank him with a kiss on the cheek. "I have everything prepared in the garden, so you can go and sit down while I put the flowers in a vase."

He obeys, and finally you find yourself alone in the kitchen. You have to calm your heartbeat, because this boy really knows how to play with your heart strings without even doing anything. You go out, and sit down across from Johnny who is too engrossed in his phone to notice you. You clear your throat, but it still doesn't help. "Johnny Suh, if you don't put your phone down right now, I'm going to hurt you." he smiles, and he puts his phone on the table, the screen against the wood. "Ah yes, and how are you going to do that?"

You think for a moment, and get up. Luckily Johnny's chair is pushed out, so you sit on his lap without asking his permission. Even though he looks surprised at your bold action, he puts his hands on your waist, probably to keep you from falling. "I do have a few ideas." with your index finger, you trace shapes on Johnny's chest whose breathing quickens slightly.

"Show me ?" if he insists. You bend down, and you grab his lower lip between your teeth to pull on it. He tenses, and when you pull back, you can see him come forward to chase your lips. Adorable. Then you slide your lips down his jawline to bite the skin, and you end up on his throat which you bite down several times, hard enough to leave a mark that will take on a beautiful purple hue tomorrow. Johnny growls, and you smile, proud of yourself. "Like that, I guess."

"Is that the reason you invited me tonight?" He asks in a low voice and you shake your head, both of your hands on his chest. His hands haven't left your waist, and you avoid thinking about the heat they radiate. "Of course not, I intended to wait until dessert to do that."

"You're sweet enough, no need to wait." with those words, he leans in to kiss you, and you sigh against his lips. You underestimated how bad you wanted to kiss him, taste his soft, plush lips. You wrap your arms around his neck and respond to the kiss. It's cute and sweet at first, and when you feel the tip of his tongue on your lower lip, you open your mouth and then a battle for dominance begins.

His hands slip under your t-shirt and you shudder slightly. His hands are cold and yet his fingers leave a scorching mark on your skin. It is extremely pleasant. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?" he mumbles against your lips before sliding them down your neck. He kisses your skin, and he bites repeatedly. You purse your lips, but when he bites particularly hard, a moan escapes you and he smiles.

"This is what I was looking for." you answer, already out of breath. With a quick movement, you open his shirt and hear the sound of buttons falling to the floor. "Hey!" he gently hits your thigh and you laugh. He's beautifully muscular, and your mouth waters. Your fingers draw the contours of his abs and he takes the opportunity to remove your t-shirt.

His lips attack the top of your chest without delay and you roll your hips against the obvious bulge in his pants. "Shouldn't we go to your room?" He asks and you look at him with a smirk. "Oh, is the big Johnny Suh afraid of being caught?" you tilt your head, and his response is immediate. He gets up, and you squeak. He puts you on the table, forcing your legs open to get in between. "I'm not afraid of anything."

He kisses your belly, and of course, he bites the skin and you squirm under him. You need more, so much more. But Johnny seems to like to tease you since he takes a long time to unbutton your pants and take them off. "Please Johnny." you whine, and he looks at you, eyes darkened with lust. "What do you want ?" you're used to being the most dominant in this kind of situation but Johnny is impressive, and for some reason you feel intimidated when he's around you. And even more so when he has his hands on you.

"Touch me, please." Johnny scoffs, and he strokes the side of your thighs. "This is what I am doing." you sigh, if he wants to play, then you have to play back when it is your turn to have your hands on him. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, his fingers slide down your panties and Johnny notices the wet stain and he bites his lip. "Pretty."

He takes your panties off, and he doesn't waste a moment to collect your wetness on his fingers. You buck your hips, but his free hand pins your down on the table. "No moving. You'll take what I give you." You really wonder what happened to the guy who blushes when you kiss his cheek, because right now he is nowhere to be found. "Come on, don't be a bitch John !" you mutter, and he looks up. "You always have to run your mouth, don't you ?" you feel the heat coming to your cheeks, and he opens his mouth again to talk. "Guess I'll have to put it to use."

You frown, and the thumb of the hand who was pining you down minute ago brushes against your lower lip. You open your mouth and two of his fingers slide inside your mouth. His fingers presse on your tongue and you almost gag which seems to be funny to him. "Good girl. Stay quiet now." The pad of his fingers rub against your clit but before you can try to get any pleasure out of it, the fingers are gone. Not for long because one of them ease itself inside of you and you close your eyes.

Drool gathers on the side of your mouth with Johnny's fingers inside, and you probably already look fucked with red bitten lips and messy hair. "More, more." you plead, but the sound coming out of your mouth is incomprehensible. Johnny seems to understand, because another finger joins the first. He moves his hand slowly, and he is not looking for your g-spot, no, he tries to get you to lose your mind. And honestly ? He is going to succeed.

"Oh, are you crying princess ?" he asks, and you finally feel the tears rolling down your cheeks from frustration. He takes his fingers off your mouth, a string of saliva connecting them to your lips. It's absolutely disgusting, but at the same time, it is arousing. "Please, fuck me John." your voice is broken, throat sore, and yet you haven't even put it to good use. "Eager." he whispers.

Yes, you are eager. You need to feel more of him, to feel everything or you'll really go crazy. You sit up on the table, and wince at the wet feeling between your thighs. And was it that hot outside earlier or is it just your inside boiling? Your hands find Johnny's belt, and you drop it to the floor, before unbuttoning the pants. He slides down Johnny's muscular legs, and with a kick he completely take them off.

His cock is straining in his boxer and it makes your mouth waters a little more. God, you can't wait to have it in you. You palm him through it, and he exhales loudly. "You're so big John." of course he smiles, and you take his boxer down. He is thick, and long and you flick your wrist a few time at the head. You spread precum down his lenght, and when it gets too much, Johnny grabs your wrist. "Enough. Lay down."

You lie down on the table, and you try to find a position that won't break your back, but it's difficult. Fortunately, Johnny didn't put you near the candles, or the plates. Johnny spits into his hand to lubricate his cock some more, and you close your eyes when you feel the head against your hole. Slowly, he eases himself inside and you moan lowly. "Oh fuck."

He bottoms out, and he stays still. As eager as he is, he doesn't want to hurt you and you are thankful for that. "Move, please." he doesn't need to be told twice, so he starts to move. It's slow, but soon enough, it's deep and your hands find his arms. Your nails probably leave crescent marks, but you don't care, and he doesn't either because he growls when he feels the sting.

He pulls back until all you have inside is the head, and he slams his hips against yours. The noise you let out is loud, and lewd. Your neighbors probably picked up of what was happening and it makes the all moment way more exciting. His thrusts are more brutal, and you roll your eyes. You can already feel the heat in the pit of your stomach and it is embarassing how quick you could reach your climax but Johnny is good. Yes he is really good. "You're so tight, it's like you were made to take my dick." you moan at that, who thought he would have a dirty mouth.

"Yes yes, just for you." you mumble and his hand finds your throat. He doesn't apply any pressure, but the feeling of his fingers is maddening, like his pace. Your legs are shaking, and Johnny is smiling. He feels how you squeeze around his cock and he knows you're close. He is too, he can almost taste his orgasm on the tip of his tongue. He frowns when your hand lands on the one around your throat, but he quickly understands. "Slut." he presses his fingers to cut your air flow and it seems to do the trick because without any warning, your orgasm washes over you.

You see stars, and you whine because of the oversensitivity but Johnny doesn't really care, right now, he is chasing his own pleasure. When he feels it, he pulls out, which makes you sob. You wanted to feel so full, so so bad. "Later baby." he strokes his cock over your tummy and he cums with a loud moan. Long strikes of white land on your skin.

Johnny stops his movement, and he drops on the chair behind him. He is breathless, his hair stick to his forehead and his chest is glistening with sweat. "Fuck." you sit down, wincing at the pain in your back. You run two fingers through the cum on your stomach, and when you know Johnny is watching you, you slip your fingers in your mouth, licking them clean. He groans, throwing his head back. "You're so fucking dirty, you're going to make me hard again."

"We should shower." you say, and he nods. Before he can run inside the house, you make grabby hands toward him and he rolls his eyes. "You're such a baby !" but he still helps you on your legs and hold you close while you tell him where the bathroom is.

After another round in the shower, you find yourself tucked in bed, your head on Johnny's chest. His breathing is steady, so as yours. You haven't feel so relaxed in a long time, and you know it is the same for Johnny. He kisses the top of your head, a peaceful smile on his face before yawning. "Yes, maybe I should have kissed you that night." is the last thing he says before both of you are too tired to keep your eyes open.

That's what you wanted to hear. You have him wrap in your daisy chains.

When you open your eyes, the first thing you feel is the emptiness next to you, and the coolness of the sheets. For good measure, you roll on the other side of the bed, and you inhale the scent on the pillow. Yes, Johnny did spend the night here, it was not just a mirage. You sit up, a pout on your face. Has he already left? And without a word? Your heart tightens at the idea.

You want nothing but to get some more sleep, to forget Johnny's absence, but voices are suddenly reaching you. You get up, grabbing the first clothes you can find, and walk to the kitchen. It smells like pancakes, and you close your eyes for a second to enjoy it. You have barely entered the kitchen when your gaze falls on Johnny and Ten. They talk while cooking. Ten nudges Johnny with his shoulder to push him off the stove before he burns the pancakes on the pan.

"Good morning ?" you ask, and two pairs of eyes turn to you. Both boys smile, and you bite your lip when you see the marks on Johnny's neck. He is even more attractive in the early morning, which is not fair. "Oh, good morning Yn! Johnny was ready to set the kitchen on fire when I got home, so I'm helping him with breakfast!" Ten says.

Johnny puts the wooden spatula on the counter even though he only used it to hit Ten, and he walks in your direction and you tilt your head. "I thought you were gone." you mumble and he cups your face in his hands. "Why would I have done that?" he leans over and kisses you tenderly. You are not going to lie, you feel your heart racing, but you push this feeling very far. "Can you stop? Not everyone is happy and in love, it's disgusting!"

Johnny laughs against your lips at Ten's words, and he pulls back, taking your hand, and leading you into the kitchen. "Sit down." you take a seat on a stool around the kitchen island, and Johnny puts down some fruit he has sliced, and some orange juice all under Ten's disgusted gaze. "Don't be jealous Ten, you'll find someone as perfect as Yn someday." This hurts more than you would have thought, because you are not perfect, you are not even close. Johnny is just too good.

After that night together, the dynamics of your relationship changed completely. From childhood friends, you became lovers. And everyday you feel horrible. You don't deserve Johnny, he's way too good. And even Ten is catching up on the situation. When Johnny is at home, and he's around, he gives you sideways glances, and when you're alone, he asks you every time if it's a good idea to continue. Yes it is. It's too late to turn back.

Today is Johnny's last day. Tomorrow he will be flying back home, and in a few days he will be back behind his desk running one of the biggest companies. And you see it by the way he talks, the way he's lost in his thoughts, that he's wondering what will happen with you after that. Because he knows what you think about the idea of officially landing somewhere. This is a discussion you must have, and now is the best time.

You walk on the beach with Johnny, your fingers intertwined. And you couldn't ask for better company. "So, did you pack your bags?" you ask, and he remains silent. The beach is almost deserted, except for couples enjoying the last rays of the sun. "John?" you stop, and he follows you, turning to you. "Is everything okay ?"

He remains silent, but he opens his mouth to speak. "Summer relationships often have no future. When summer is over, so does the relationship." his voice is low, and his gaze is on the sand which he finds extremely interesting. "Why do you say that ?" you ask and he shrugs. "That's what it is, isn't it?" you put your hand on his cheek, and he finally lifts his head. You smile softly, his expression is painful, but you intend to make him smile very quickly.

"Maybe it's like that for other people, but that doesn't mean it has to be for us, don't you think?" at your words, his eyes open wide, and you can't help but smile. "You can be the reason I stop running. I can be the person waiting for you at home at night, what do you think?"

Johnny doesn't need to think, that's what he wants. He never wanted something as strong as having you by his side. When he decided to take a vacation away from work, he never thought he would fall in love with someone as surprising and incredible as you. "I think it's a really good idea." he leans over and kisses you. The situation looks really cliché, a passionate kiss on the beach, as the sun sets after making a decision that will change your lives. And yet, you don't mind. And god damn it you wish it was all true.

"Come home with me." he whispers against your lips, and the word "home" is enough to make your heart beat faster. You never thought of having a house, a place where you could be happy, too adamant on working more, but Johnny makes you want that life. It's chaos in your head. On one hand, you feel ready to put an end to your little illegal career, but on the other hand, you don't know if you will end up getting bored of this well-planned little life. You don't want Johnny to suffer when you decide to leave in the middle of the night.

"Okay .." you answer, and Johnny's smile is so beautiful and so bright that you force yourself to put the future in the back of your head. You allow yourself to take advantage of this moment of peace when the world no longer exists. Nothing exists except you and Johnny. Nothing. No one.

You did it.

In the hour following your talk on the beach with Johnny, you told Ten you were going to leave with Johnny. Ten didn't say anything, but you read the many questions he had on his face. Of course, you didn't leave him on the street. You gave him money, enough to live more than comfortably for the next few years, and you said goodbye to each other. Not for long, because Ten decided to rent an apartment near you, at least while he figured out what to do with his life.

As for you, you moved in with Johnny. Of course, he gave you the choice. You could either stay as long as you needed to find an apartment, or you could stay officially. And you chose the latter. Life with Johnny is calm, and passionate at first. Of course, the start of a new love is always amazing, passionate, and raw. This is the time when you get to know each other in every way possible, the time when you see if you are truly meant for each other.

And ... it hurts you to admit it but you and Johnny are meant to be together. A match made in heaven. You have different characters, but you complet each other in a way. Johnny changes. He comes home earlier, and he's a lot less stressed because he has someone waiting for him. And he's never been happier. Everything is perfect.

Except it isn't.

Ten is bored, and so are you. You often find yourself in his small apartment to talk about the years you spent together. And yes, you miss it. Johnny gives you everything you could have dreamed of, but not the adrenaline rush you crave every day. You need this, it's an addiction.

"I can't kill him, Ten. As much as I want to go back to our old life, I refuse to hurt him." you whisper one evening when Johnny had to leave in a two days business trip. "So don't kill him. Spare him." you laugh bitterly. "And what am I supposed to do then?" Sometimes Ten wonders how you managed to last almost two years without him, and when he tells you about his plan, you wonder too. You've wanted to get rid of him so many times, and yet he's the voice of wisdow you need.

Today is the day.

You are in Johnny's arms when you open your eyes. The sun is not up yet, you can see it through the curtains. Johnny's body radiates a pleasant warmth, and it takes a lot to lift yourself off. You watch him sleep peacefully for several minutes, sliding your fingers over his face, as if you want to memorize every detail. You lean over and kiss his lips. Pink and plush like the first time you kissed him.

"I love you."

You get up in silence, and you walk towards the guest room. Johnny never comes into this room, that's why you left your suitcases without being afraid he would find them when he came back the night before. You bring them near the front door, being careful not to knock them, or trip down the stairs. Finally, everything is ready. It is time. But first, you make one last stop by the room. Johnny hasn't moved.

You put a letter on the pillow where you used to sleep. It's the first thing he'll find when he wakes up. You could have texted him before throwing your phone in the trash, but that's more sincere. It is time. You open the door, and you see Ten waiting in a rental car near the house. He goes out, and in silence, he helps you put your suitcases in the trunk.

"Let's go ?" he asks, and you nod. And as the car drives off, Johnny is awakened by the noise. He turns around, ready to hug you back to sleep, but he can't find anyone. His fingers scratch a piece of paper which he grabs. He rubs his eyes with his free hand, and he turns on the bedside light.

"Johnny, I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, and I know that will never change. We will meet again when the time is right, I promise. I'll always find you." Johnny's voice is low, and suddenly, a sob echoes in the empty room. And in the car. The sound of broken hearts.

Another five years passed since you've last seen Johnny.

He tried to contact you, but each time he encountered a robotic voice telling him the number was not available. He tried to look for you, to look for Ten, but each time he found nothing but emptiness. He hired a private investigator, and he was close to finding you, but you noticed him before he noticed you. And after that long, crazy year, Johnny gave up.

On your side, you continued to travel with Ten. He never left you, and you were delighted about it. And also grateful. You don't know where you would be without him, as annoying as he is. But after five years, you feel it, it's time for you to quit. Ten has found love, and he plans to settle down and have a family. And you know love is waiting for you somewhere in an office, stressed and tired from several sleepless nights.

You don't regret anything. You have been lucky enough to travel the world, and have enough money for three more than comfortable lives and not once have you had problems. Of course, you don't know what the future holds for you on the legal side, but you don't think about it. You never thought about the future too seriously, you don't intend to start, not from that side. You have other things to do.

You have to find Johnny.

Finding Johnny isn't difficult in itself, but approaching him is. You can't afford to enter the Suh building, not without an appointment or for no good reason, so you decide to do what you can do best. Walk into people's lives without them asking for anything, but this time with Johnny's apartment. He hasn't moved, probably too busy for that, and it's not difficult for you to open the door.

Nothing has changed. The same photos are hanging on the wall, and it doesn't seem to have taken more than the last time you saw them, and if the apartment had become more cozy when you were there, it's forgotten. No more soft blankets on the sofas, plants on the furniture, flowers on the table. Just a model apartment. Tonight is like waiting for a new prey, you don't know how long you will have to wait before seeing them, how long they'll take to get home.

First you should stop referring Johnny as a prey. This life is behind you, and even if you can't explain it to him, you intend to make him understand too. You prepare the meal, and you set the table. You put out candles, and you sit down while waiting.

It is almost midnight when the door opens. If the living room lights weren't on, Johnny would probably have gone to bed without even having a bite to eat, but luckily he is caught by the light. He walks into the dining room, careful. He frowns when he sees you, but his expression changes to surprise. You get up to take a step in his direction. He's not moving, he's just watching your every move.

"Good evening, Johnny." you say in a soft voice, and you help him to get rid of his jacket that you put on the back of a chair. He remains silent. "I made dinner, I hope you're hungry." he sits on the chair you occupied a little earlier. "What are you doing here ?" he finally asks, and you breathe. You were starting to fear his reaction.

"I told you I'd find you again when the time is right. And it is."

#cznnet #nct #nct imagines #johnny imagines #nct smut #johnny scenarios #nct scenarios

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jonroxton · 3 years

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can you talk about chlark beyond chloe? personally i think it's weird that the writers kept adding kisses and weird romantic moments without any pay off. i don't know much about the fandom back then but i think the writers were baiting fans since clark/chloe seems to be the second most popular ship after clex. second i personally think chloe would never be happy with clark or anyone tbh and she doesn't seem like the type of person who would have kids so the finale was weird to me.

this got looooong :)

0. it WAS weird, and the choice to never not once go for it with them was to the story's detriment. I'll get into it a little later on in this post.

Re: shipping in sv fandom. there was definitely drama (clana was HUGE when the show was airing and every ship was basically derailed by it lol) but I stayed in my clois lane with a small circle of fandom friends much like I do now. a good measure of clois fans were fans of lois and clark from other mediums, come to sv just for lois and clark, myself included. we were pretty insulated as a fandom even back then. I do remember seeing more Chlark after the S5 finale (when Chloe kisses him goodbye), but those dropped off after Jimmy was introduced right away in S6. The most drama I encountered was with Chloisers: Chloe fans who believed wholeheartedly that Chloe was Lois. They hated SV!Lois and were convinced she would die so Chloe could take her name and job and place by Clark's side, thus a Chlark endgame. this was a popular theory amongst that fandom even into s9, when the clois ball started to roll for true.

bait and switch

a lot of Chlark is rooted in this notion that chloe WOULD be the best thing for Clark, the ideal Lois, the true best friend, the human hand guiding him through Earth's troubles. she would be could be the BEST possible lois archetype for Clark. it's not a wrong interpretation. she was specifically written as a lois-and-lana-proxy (teenage lana is a reporter in some AUs and even some as an adult as a tv correspondent) and she's given many lois-ish traits (tenacious, secretly crushing on clark and in denial), but this interpretation is deeply flawed. first, because lois does eventually enter into the picture and she has her own defining traits that, when compared to chloe, make chloe seem much shallower than realized. secondly, within the complete context of the story, her position in the greater narrative is not as ~the one who got away, the way it did very early on in S1-S4, but one who clark tolerates.

they're friends because clark is forgiving and chloe has staying power. their friendship is riddled with insecurities and unknowns the characters create for themselves. their dynamic is defined by conflict, not resolutions. this is not made easy by the fact that chloe is such a strangely written character, but ultimately she is positioned as a counter to clark achieving his happiness. not a thematic narrative foil but an obstacle clark eventually relents to.

2. and it has been so from the get-go

S1 is the best season for them and the single season which actually considers Clark's side in this dynamic. everything about them later on can be explained with how they are in this season. and that's the problem. when they're 14 it's nice teen angst drama and works perfectly to establish the dynamic. when they're 24 it's at best a pattern, at worst regression. we expect certain behaviors, dismiss them too, when it's children, at least I do. clark and chloe never move beyond the dynamic they establish in s1 and early s2. in essence, clark and chloe remain children around each other. they have many discussions in the later seasons that make at least one appear petulant.

so S1 clark has just been told the greatest secret of his existence and he imprints on lana hard that same night (right AFTER jonathan tells him, he meets lana at the graveyard and talks to her for the first time EVER, a lot of childhood imprinting going on in SV). all of s1 follows clark's heartache over lana, watching her from afar and figuring out a way to be near her. this pain is exacerbated by the fact that he believes he caused her her greatest grief: the death of her parents via the meteor shower which he arrived in.

here the first beat of the chlark dynamic is established: chloe's job and passion – the wall of weird and her pursuing the meteor infected oddities of SV - directly affects clark in a negative way (he's suicidal for much of s1-s3). so her crush on him is countered with her unknowingly causing him great grief. om top of that: clark becomes part of this passion of hers and she eventually begins to pursue him as a story to be uncovered, very superman yes. here tho, it causes nothing but strife for them and paints chloe in an awful light (and clark too, highlighting his refusal to open up). I personally enjoy this aspect of them in s1. bc they're so young I give em a free pass and it's a good conflict playing around with old superman tropes, but it makes for a fraught friendship.

3. the second beat

is that neither chloe's crush on clark, nor his asking her to stop pursuing his truth, do anything to stay her. her tenaciousness becomes intrusiveness and inconsideration (many of her accomplishments irt the daily planet are directly bc she betrays clark). she simply will not listen to her friend and does not believe his livelihood and autonomy is worth losing a story over. this is literally the opposite of comics/live action lois lane, who in various versions drops the clark reveal story to protect him. this passion turns vindictive pretty early for chloe, who eventually pursues stories about clark out of jealousy and entitlement (against lana also).

4. the third beat

is that clark doesn't ever see chloe as romantic prospect except this time in s1. the tornado trapping lana pulls him away from any solidifying of the clark/chloe dynamic, and that's that. but we know clark was willing to go for it in early s2 when he apologizes to chloe about running off on her. it's chloe who decides not to go on with the relationship. clark is visibly confused, but also 15 so he can't see that chloe is putting on a brave front to protect herself from clark running off again. I liked this too as it's another play on superman tropes, but my sympathy for them stops here.

5. and stays here

these beats are the entirety of this dynamic. everything about chlark can be distilled down to their childhood. it's why I don't hate them completely, bc I have a lot of love for kids who hurt in such a way and that time is never easy. in s8 (I think its s8) when we get a flashback to when they meet as kids (more imprinting!). little tenacious cute chloe kisses insecure clark bc of the funny awkward tension, acknowledging it, and then immediately takes it back because they're better as friends. (also they’re like 11 lol)

every single romantic moment with them is undercut either by chloe herself, or by the presence of other storylines/romances the writers wanted to pursue. the lack of integrity in chloe and the lack of interest in clark, regardless of how sincere their connection or how messed up, is a central part of their dynamic that needs to be reconciled with their friendship. and its exhausting bc there is never a point they are ever truly comfortable around each other.

6. to a fault

knowing the secret doesn't change chloe's methods. it doesn't make chloe clark's great confidante. if anything, it complicates matters for both because their relationship then becomes about the greater good and clark's great destiny. everything chloe does becomes about that, which in theory sounds awesome, but is executed much the same way as s1!chlark: by reiterating behaviors that highlight the negative aspects of that loyalty and the negative aspects of their characters.

the single time they do actively examine what this loyalty means and how chloe's hero complex complicates things for chlark is with s8 and davis. she protects davis with the skills of subterfuge and secrecy she developed as clark's friend. and it costs her jimmy and a lot of her personal integrity as a character. tho ironically it makes chloe the strongest she's been as a character. this is the first time clark is forced to view chloe as an enemy and he never quite recovers from discovering the dark depths she’s willing to go to.

it's an arc dealing with the established beats: how far chloe is willing to go for a kryptonian (very far), how much she's willing to do for him (A LOT and all of it illegal), and what it costs her (jimmy). it deals with her jealousy (always second choice) and her motivations (uncovering the truth). this great want that she struggled with for years is turned on its head and examined, revealing just how weird and dark her hero complex is because obviously davis is not clark. davis/chloe served to highlight more than any other arc how it's really too bad that clark never saw her that way, because she has so much love to give and when channeled, it's a great force. only it's a great force for evil. clark has to confront that it’s not just lex but his other closest friend who is willing to go so far. they backtrack hard in s9 and s10 but they keep this underlying wariness in clark towards Chloe throughout. it’s not anything new, but it’s no longer subtext that clark doesn’t fully trust chloe.

7. And that's the rub

in the end. chloe and clark have many storylines they're in together and chloe's important.... to develop clark and as a counter to clark. clark never instigates anything, not once, for 9 years! when the show did give us Moments TM, clark is reacting, not actively making choices to connect to her. if anything, clark is incredibly awkward about chloe when they become intimate. he doesn't seem to know what to do with her crushing on him (the elevator scene is a great one to show just how awkward chloe makes him feel). more than that. clark never tells her his secret. and later on, chloe doesn't tell him half the crazy wild shit she does to protect him bc she knows he would disapprove. I still hold that the only reason they work is bc clark is a forgiving character and would give her chance after chance after chance. that's the watsonian explanation, but the doylist explanation is that the writers just never cared to explore them beyond this point.

8. and what was beyond that point?

they would've been a great counter to lexana in S6 and early clana (clark finally having a gf who knows). it’s playing the clark/Chloe as a straight lois/clark proxy before actually pursuing lois and clark. it could’ve been the precursor to davis and caused an even more personal conflict! the kiss at the end of s5 was their chance. they could've written chlark devolving much the same way lexana did in s6 (or not). but again. the writers never went that far and clearly never wanted to. it kept chlark forever in this stage of childhood friendship always on the brink of collapsing, tittering either way. it's also tough to speculate bc clark's just not into her. in fact he becomes more and more wary of her, to the point where he believes she can do horrible things, and he's right. the stories continually make their methods complete opposite.

they go out of their way to show chloe realizing how happy clark is with lois. and even play a joke on the fandom by literally turning her into lois and seeing the sparks between her friends. it's almost... cruel but it does serve to show how clark is when he's smitten and he's never looked at chloe that way except during the dance when they were kids. other unrequited dynamics have at least some spark from the desired, but nil from clark. clark is into chloe in late s1, but she shuts him down, and when he seems to be into her again (damn that s5 kiss was a good one lol), she shuts him down again. it's just a weird writing choice all around, and that they kept nuggets of it throughout the show is the thing I cringe at most whenever I rewatch.

9. bait and switch 2

with hindsight it is definitely ship baiting and that sucks for that dynamic bc without it their friendship would’ve been the stronger, or at least not full of so much negativity. all it did was remind everyone that chloe’s been duped since she was a kid and that clark is both stupid and strange for never noticing and letting her get away with shit just bc she’s the most loyal. I don’t ship them and even I get frustrated lol

#mystuff #smallville #superman #anti chlark #sayruq #my meta

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rainofaugustsith · 3 years

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SWTOR and Companion Death

So. Some thoughts about companion deaths in SWTOR in general.

I'm not a fan.

SPOILERS FOR KOTFE ONWARD.

I do know the name of the franchise is Star WARS, and people die in wars. It would probably be extremely unrealistic if we had a scenario where our characters spent literally 17 years of their lives (and counting...well, 12 if we don't count carbonite) fighting and nobody around them died.

However, in SWTOR I think that most of the deaths could been avoided. I don't think they benefit the story. I think that all they really do, in the end, is deprive the audience of a lot of interesting characters.

I do think there are occasions when a player's character may wish to reject or kill a companion, but I also feel that there are ways to write so that it is an exception, and not commonplace.

And we have not even gotten to the NPC deaths. It has been a bloodbath for years with SWTOR and the writers show no signs of stopping it. Nathema - the body count from Nathema has taken almost twenty NPCs out of the main story. Onslaught? Yeah. Many more. It's become more unusual for an NPC to actually survive for the duration than to have a kill option.

I feel there are better ways to write than to take a Game of Thrones approach and kill everyone. When you eliminate everyone's beloved characters, and you leave the player with nothing more than a rotating cast of strangers, it's quite difficult to get into the story after a while.

Going through the companion deaths from KOTFE to Iokath:

Tanno Vik: The voiceover artist who played Tanno Vik died several years ago, and apparently the devs decided not to make the character recruitable in KOTFE because of that. I can understand this one. It seems that Tanno may die regardless of your choices, too. If you spare him during your meeting, he may not have survived the attack on Asylum, especially if the PC chose to use Valkorion's power.

HK-55: Yes, we get it, you wanted to show everyone that Arcann is a big old monster. The "thrown into carbonite," "slaughtering the Scions" “subjugating both the Republic and Empire” and "ruling as a harsh dictator" plot points didn't get it across quite enough. Dramatic. Yes. And they do bring HK-55 back

My objection to this death is not that they did it - because it actually does fit, even if it's a little extreme - is that they didn't make HK-55's return available to all in the actual main story of the game. I can understand making Shroud of Memory a bonus, because it's cute and funny but doesn't tie super directly into the main plot. But Arma Rasa? I think that should have been for everyone. Yes, I know you can buy it now - and I did - but I still think it should have been main story. If it were, we could have enjoyed HK-55's commentary in the rest of KOTFE and KOTET.

Kaliyo Djannis, Aric Jorgan: Fan service. But it makes no fucking sense. What exactly are you killing them for? They didn't listen, after they tried to compensate and salvage a mission that had gone south? They were left in the lurch because your PC was mission critical and went on a hallucinogenic hiking trip and didn't show up? There's literally nothing you can do to make the mission go right. It always fails, no matter who is in charge or what you tell them to do.

In Kaliyo's case, I really question why the devs thought that she, of all people, would be the character that most players would just love to spend an entire chapter with in one-on-one quality time in KOTFE. I think her kill option was a response to that - "yes, we forced you to play a chapter with this character but look, you can let her go now." Or perhaps it was a response to the frustration some players had with not being able to kill or reject her in the class story.

I think the class story could have sustained a branch where Kaliyo was asked to leave after the Wheezer incident. I think it's reasonable that a player's Agent may not have wanted to continue associating with her at that point. There were four other characters who could have taken her dialogue in the class story missions. But to do it years later? Eh.

In Aric's case, I have no idea what they were thinking. I've never had the feeling he's a character that is widely disliked. They needed to give an option to kill someone along with Kaliyo. I don't know. But it's weird and doesn't make sense IMHO.

Senya: So she's saved her boy. We get it. But considering that Senya also spent several chapters insisting that her children needed to be brought to justice, and was fully willing to engage Vaylin in combat if not kill her - the change of heart was confusing. I think Senya's fate was attached to Arcann's simply to give Arcann greater odds of survival. It seems that people like Senya even if they don't like Arcann. If the two had been separated, I really think less people would have saved Arcann.

Koth: Fan service. Nothing but fucking fan service. I'm sure it had nothing to do with Koth being a LGBTQ+ Black man who actually protested the player's actions and didn't let them off the hook. No, nothing to worry about here with that. That;s sarcasm in case I need to clarify. If things get to the point where Koth has left, your character literally works with him to save the ship and then can kill him while Lana stands there and watches and not a single person protests. After Koth has hijacked the ship and planted a bomb on it. The ship he adores. I can’t even. They could have done so much with this character and they just...did this instead. And then chose to completely ignore him even if he remained in the player's story. I still am salty, years later, that he didn't even get a cameo in the Nathema story. It's not as though the Gravestone's fate would have bothered him at all, amirite?

SCORPIO: One of the few kill options that actually might be justifiable, but the larger question is why she was trusted so much to begin with. And why the game feels it's light side to let her merge with a planet that keeps a necropolis of billions of organics it has slaughtered as research subjects.

Arcann: I feel Arcann should be handled and considered separately because he was not established first as a companion. He was framed and written as an adversary for all of KOTFE. But here we are forced to choose between "let Arcann live and become your new BFF who takes over Lana and Theron's place of trust with no punishment for his crimes" or "kill him on live television! I'm sure I'll be an Instagram Influencer now! Follow me at AllianceCommanderOdesssen uwu!"

Vette; Torian: Completely unnecessary. You have an Alliance that is so large that fighters are literally on the cliffs and in the trees helping you as you progress through the chapter. The Gravestone's taken to the skies. And yet nobody is available to swing by Torian or Vette's position to help them. You and Lana/Theron or Senya/Arcann are literally THE ONLY PEOPLE EVER who can do that. Oh, and the super-smart Hutt scientist in charge of your Research and Development team has given Vette an assault cannon for this huge battle against strong, skilled forces, despite the fact she's only operated an assault cannon...once? For a few minutes? *thumbs up, Oggurobb!*

I feel this was simply done to try to evoke emotion and to erase any sympathy the player may have had for Vaylin, since it immediately follows the Nathema sanitarium visit.

If they really felt the need to go with this, I feel they could have tied it to player actions earlier in the game. Did you do a lot of Alliance Alerts? Did you raise the Specialists' influence above 10? Did you do some of those veteran Star Fortresses and pick up a few extra companions? Then maybe you have enough extra personnel to save both. Quinn: More fan service, served up for those who would have liked to kill or reject Quinn all those years ago in the class story.

Just like Kaliyo - and Skadge, and Tanno Vik - I think the class story could have gone on without him if the Sith Warrior had been allowed to reject him after the Quinncident. I would have rejected him at that point. The writing in the class story could have sustained it. They could have given the healer role to one of the others. And then you'd get a branch where if Quinn was present, he'd show up on Iokath. If not, it would be someone else from the Sith class story, like one of the many Moffs the Warrior meets. Maybe the dude from Ilum, since he doesn't die. Or Hesker.

Theron: Now, here's the issue. The story sets up a scenario where asking Theron to leave because you no longer trust him is understandable. But I plead the case that it never should have gotten to that point. The entire betrayal story was completely unnecessary. Theron NEEDED to go undercover like that? He had a secret language he and Lana developed and just never used it to tip everyone off? He thought frying the Commander on Iokath or throwing her out the train window would be fun? After working so hard for peace, he literally sparked the next galactic war by tipping off everyone about Iokath and manipulating them all into going there so they could learn lots of fun new ways to kill each other?

Come. On. It doesn't make sense. Even in a spy game, I don't think Theron would have really thought that prodding the Empire and Republic to war with each other and the Alliance would have been worth it.

I feel like they could have done so many other things with the Order of Zildrog, and even had the same flashpoints, without making Theron appear to betray the Alliance.

DS Jaesa: *sigh* So she saw the Commander on the Holonet, never thought of coming to Odessen and instead went to Iokath to slaughter Alliance troops. Oh, and threaten to kill Lana, who may be the player’s partner. Again, it sets up a scenario where it makes sense that a player might kill her, but why was that even necessary? The scenario itself doesn't make sense. If you have Master Ranos, she says that Jaesa was spotted hunting for artifacts, I think? Maybe just maybe they could have worked with that?

Xalek: You're killing Xalek for...um...terrorizing miners...and...yeah. Okay. Dude was in the class story for about five minutes so I don't think anyone knows what is going on here.

Broonmark: Yes, he's basically a cold-blooded killer. But he's going after this Wookiee senator because he's allying with the Republic? Or getting some Talz to be allies? The Talz already seem to be aligned Republic. He's a bit late to that party. Why is it that I don't think Broonmark would be into politics or watching the news and would not care about this?

Rusk: Um, yeah, Bey'wan, about that guy you wanted me to recruit, he's, um, dead. Because I decided to sell him out to a Black Sun gang leader. Don't be mad?

Skadge: One of the few kill options I think most could agree is...not that bad. Your mission with Rusk is to kill him. He was an adversary in the game. My headcanon for my bounty hunters is that he never gets on the ship after Belsavis. There’s no way they would have ever brought him along. Another case of correcting something from the class story?

#swtor #swtor critical #rain plays swtor

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wizardysseus · 3 years

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i was thinking about once upon a time (abc) in bed this morning so i decided to write this list

subject to change, since awhile ago i was in the middle of season 6 when they took it off netflix and i never quite got around to picking it back up. i’m gonna finish if it kills me i promise

top 5 things about once upon a time

5. anna frozen

when ouat introduced frozen characters, most fans decided the show had jumped the shark. they were not wrong. however, it was this very thing that allowed the show to be fun again! after an excruciatingly bad season 3 (we will get to that), bringing on anna and elsa literally transported directly from their own unaltered story in cheap ass versions of their unaltered movie costumes allowed the show to let loose and do... basically whatever it wanted. this became the hallmark of the show for those who stuck with it: absolutely not making sense at all, but being fun about it. post-season-three ouat becomes a totally different soap opera from season one, but by god you are never bored.*

personally, the flashback episode where anna annoys rumpelstiltskin and gets the better of him and he’s so fucking mad about it is like top 10 episodes**

4. 2x16 “the miller’s daughter”

this episode is just another personal favorite. it exemplifies what this show was really good at when it was good, and also where everything went wrong. i think cora is a great example of a good ouat villain, i think the twist on the rumpelstiltskin story is great, i think the dramatic beats really work.

...and in typical ouat fashion, cora immediately dies and two more villains we don’t care about at all are introduced. (sonequa forgive me you know i’m in love with you but tamara was nothing. it’s not your fault.) yes we get that great scene of snow aggressively doing archery practice while listening to “bad reputation” but was it worth killing off a compelling villain just as you’d dug into her story?

3. the commitment to regina’s redemption

and lana parrilla in general. i mean i’m gay and she’s hot but the worse the show got, the more acting lana gave it. and this is just speculation, but i think lana is more comfortable with drama than with camp? because regina becomes a much more interesting character as someone conflicted and on the path to redemption than as a villain. and by god, they were gonna redeem regina.

if only she had been gay we really could have had it all.

2. rumpelstiltskin

the sweet spot with rumpelstiltskin for me was seasons one and two when he was unabashedly bastard, there was an attempt to make him sympathetic but nobody except belle actually liked him, you weren’t quite sure how much he knew, he was pulling all the strings, and he was just really fucking weird. it will surprise no one who follows this blog to hear that that is my type of wizard.

1. season one

it’s a good season. it’s a good season. there are some bad things about it, but it was extremely watchable. it was doing fairy tales with occasional disney nods in a (mostly) cohesive fashion. the lore and the magic hadn’t sprawled out of control yet. it had the strongest relationship, imo, between emma and henry, and emma and snow. as for iconic episodes, most of the greats are here, plus sebastian stan as the mad hatter and giancarlo esposito as a series regular. the crowning moment for me is the scene at the end of skin deep, when regina confronts gold in the town jail and he reveals that he remembers his real name (after beating the shit out of belle’s dad with his cane obviously). god. that is some good television.

worst 5 things about once upon a time

5. the adoption politics but everyone knows this one.

4. WASTING the talent

you had the love of my life sonequa martin-green and gave her nothing. you somehow scored oded fehr as jafar and gave him nothing. you had giancarlo esposito and regina literally forgot he existed. i will kill you

3. rumpelstiltskin.

it’s no secret that robert carlyle was acting circles around most of the cast; my opinion is that the showrunners felt that if they committed to either his redemption or his villainy, they would never find someone else with the talent to fill his shoes as bastard wizard. so they flip-flopped on him every half-season, which ruins his story longterm, slowly kills the light in robert’s eyes, and gets reallllllly old. it’s also no secret that my favorite rumpelstiltskin is bastard wizard, but they screwed over belle BIG time in the process and for that i will never forgive them.

also like. the rumpelstiltskin fairy tale is antisemitic to begin with and they did not minimize that by comparing him to a lizard and naming his storybrooke counterpart mr gold. they just. did that.

2. THE FUCKING NEVERLAND ARC GOD IN CHRIIIIIIIIIIIST THAT HALF-SEASON IS EXCRUCIATING

1. captain hook

*it’s my opinion that if you are bored, you’re watching a hook-centric episode. every time i dropped the show and forgot about it for months at a time, it was because i had been in the middle of an episode about hook and just could not get through it. how do i describe all the things i don’t like about what killian hook jones did to the show? with subpoints!

1a. the episode where gold gives him back his hand and he never changes.

**this is actually the same episode i mentioned about anna and, like i said, it’s one of my favorites and not at all boring. look, i’m not pretending this list isn’t subjective as hell.

remember when hook blackmailed mr gold into magically reattaching his hand, which gold has been keeping in a jar, because hook has a date with emma and wants it to go well? but also, gold tells him that if he reattaches his hand with dark magic, it will turn him evil? and then hook spends the episode doing evil things, only for mr gold to tell him “i was just messing with you! the hand was not evil, you gave yourself permission to be evil ;)”

yeah, that’s basically hook’s mo.

1b. episode where emma tells him his brother is lying to him and he learns the exact wrong lesson from this and never changes.

so emma goes to the underworld to get hook back after he dies (while being evil and doing villainous things). they find his brother down there, too, and emma senses that he has a dark secret (because he does) and is lying to them (because he is). but hook always idolized his older brother, so he won't believe her. when emma confronts the brother directly, hook interrupts to rant to her about how he knows what this is ~really all about.

actual dialogue:

HOOK: i don't need proof to know what's really going on here. emma, when are you gonna admit that this isn't really about my brother? EMMA: what else would you think it was about? HOOK: us. you think if you can prove that liam is a villain, then i’ll somehow feel like i was less of one.

who... would EVER come to that conclusion. and why is the lesson he learns at the end “perhaps i do deserve saving after all” (another direct quote), and not “NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE EMMA WAS LITERALLY RIGHT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER LYING TO EVERYONE”????

1c. the emma dark one arc, where hook never changes.

this would be the arc that leads up to the above underworld arc, and it is deeply dumb, entertaining, and hard to explain. suffice it to say, during this whole arc, killian (along with emma) has all the powers and ~~~Darkness~~~ of the dark one (formerly rumpelstiltskin). unlike emma, he is not aware of this for most of the season. the moment he finally finds out, he turns on emma and goes through with all the revenge plans he’s apparently been holding onto since season two.

it’s supposed to be sympathetic, because emma made this choice for him to be a dark one, which is clearly awful, when he didn’t want it. so i get that. but on the other hand, it is..... boring. because (a) it's nothing we haven't seen him try to do and fail at before, his motivations really aren't that complex. and more importantly, (b) he was the dark one the whole time! the only thing that changed, that made him act evil, was finding out about it. at that point, it's not the ~~~Darkness~~~ making you do evil things. it’s just you. because you’re a dick.

how is this arc resolved? well, he dies. after the underworld arc (which i very much enjoyed tbf), a sizable part of robin hood’s death episode is devoted to people telling emma to slow down and grieve for killian, since at least two arcs have revolved around her inability to let hook go when he is literally dying or dead. (it’s been said a million times but being his girlfriend really sucked the personality out of emma and i miss her.) and in the end he just... comes back anyway. no explanation given; he says it must be a reward from zeus for killing hades... while he and emma make out literally in front of the coffin of robin hood... who actually died fighting hades. killian died half a season before. while he was evil. and emma reverts to tearful girlfriend.

it’s insulting. it’s grating. and it is a Killian Hook Jones Guarantee that his episodes will involve some measure of this.

like, is it more or less the same shtick that the writers kept giving rumpelstiltskin, too? backsliding and screwing over his love interest who gets less and less say in the matter? yes. definitely. the crucial difference is that i, personally, love rumpelstiltskin, while i find hook boring and not self-aware. but clearly i have had a lot of fun complaining about him! again, this is not an objective list.

conclusions

this show ran for 7 years. it got cancelled not because it deserved to, but because no one liked the soft reboot. it was on until 2018.

#thoughts #once upon a time #long post

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iturbide · 3 years

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I do love hearing about Ace Attorney stuff. Would you like to share some thoughts on Crime of Passion?

I’m always down to talk Ace Attorney

Crime of Passion is a fairly major departure from my usual work, and not just because it’s for a fandom besides Fire Emblem. Pretty much all of my long-form stories are heavily character-driven, and in particular on the relationships between characters; on top of that, a significant number of my works in general focus on how characters build those relationships (Affectionately Yours), maintain them (Controlled Chaos), or sometimes re-establish them after an absence (Kintsugi). It’s not often that one of my stories begins at a breaking point between characters -- but that is where Crime of Passion opens: with Phoenix moments away from ending his relationship with Miles.

With a start like that, it’s understandably a story with a lot of pre-existing history between the major characters. Crime of Passion sits solidly in AU territory, one where Phoenix never lost his badge and Miles chose to put down roots for a while, meaning the two attorneys started working together more regularly (barring the prosecutor’s frequent business trips). The routine workplace contact eventually led to more frequent personal contact, too, and for Phoenix -- who has always had feelings for Miles of some kind -- this just ended up reinforcing and gradually changing them into something else, distinctly different from the childhood friendship and courtroom rivalry-turned-partnership.

I like to imagine that Phoenix has always been decently in touch with his own feelings; it’s part of what gives his internal commentary so much bite, since he both knows and admits when he’s bluffing and grasping at straws. He’s also someone that loves deeply and without reservation: he pulls out all the stops for Maya every time something happens to her, and that’s not even addressing the fact that he ingested potentially poisoned evidence in an attempt to keep Dahlia from going to prison (though he was young and stupid and lovesick back then, we can go a little easier on him). So when he recognizes his feelings for what hey are, he sits on them for a bit, unsure of whether to act considering the nature of their professional relationship...but eventually he decides to get it out in the open, come what may.

Miles is...a very different person from Phoenix. Miles spent his formative years in the von Karma household, where perfection was everything and anything less was seen as a failure. That environment of fierce competition and exacting precision gave him every advantage when it came to making a career as a prosecutor...but it also stunted his emotional growth, since feelings most often got in the way of success. Control is tantamount to him, particularly over his personal life and ultimately himself; for that reason, in particular, he tries to abstain from close interpersonal relationships, preferring working and professional relationships (like with Detective Gumshoe) or pleasant, casual acquaintanceships (like with Lana Skye). When lack of control and “unnecessary feelings” led him to fake his own death and not once, but twice leave the country to get away from those attachments, it’s pretty obvious that the man has problems handling his own emotions.

So when Phoenix came to him with that awkward confession of feelings, Miles might have recognized it as an attempt at a romantic overture on the defense attorney’s part...but given his poor grasp on the finer points of personal feelings, ‘affection’ and ‘attraction’ were synonymous in his mind. He proposed, effectively, a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, expecting that was the ultimate goal of Phoenix’s proposition and hoping that it would finally put his own continued emotional struggles to rest.

For Miles, it seemed to work: it was a closer relationship than he’d had in ages, and more long-term than any outside his sibling rivalry with Franziska, and the consistency and stability of it seemed to smooth out those jumbled feelings he’d had about the defense attorney since they met some five years prior. But for Phoenix, who gives all of himself over to a relationship? It felt nothing short of parasitic. Miles still insisted on maintaining an emotional distance as he was used to, and Phoenix has some pretty steep emotional needs that can’t be met by an exclusively physical relationship; by the time he reached his limit, physical intimacy had lost much of its appeal. With nowhere to safely vent his feelings of frustration, he bottled them up until they began to turn to resentment, which in turn led to the argument in court...and that was the point where he realized he had to cut his losses. It just wasn’t worth it anymore to him. He tried -- God knows, he tried -- but it’s not going to work, because he’s bleeding himself dry putting emotional work into the relationship and getting nothing back in exchange.

And even after he comes to this decision, these feelings don’t even get voiced for weeks because of that whole murder attempt.

The good news, though, is that Miles uses his time in the Detention Center with Phoenix’s murder hanging over his head to think hard about the relationship, and the last thing the defense attorney said to him before the sound of gunshots sent him racing downtown. He might have a poor grasp on his own emotions, but with nothing to do but reflect it becomes increasingly clear that he’d been missing the pattern in Phoenix’s behavior -- or rather, wilfully ignoring it. By the final day of the trial, he wishes he had behaved differently...and when Phoenix appears to return from beyond the grave, he resolves to do better.

And he hopes that Phoenix will give him the chance to do so.

#answered #alerawolf #ace attorney #crime of passion #i love how fandom sees the two of them as constantly lovey dovey #from as far back as the second or even the first game #and then there's me #who apparently decided that their relationship is absolutely toxic #until miles gets an extremely alarming wake-up call #but this is the basic set-up behind my aa baby

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angelkurenai · 4 years

Text

Imagine spending the holidays with the boys and celebrating properly as it is Jack’s first Christmas.

“Alright Sam, maybe one last try. How about you move it uhm a little bit to the left?”

Your voice was the first thing that caught Dean's attention as he made his way – or better yet, dragged his feet – towards the map room. He was rubbing his eyes lazily and it all took a couple of seconds to register in his mind because as if he wasn't always particularly slow in the mornings as it was, after having gotten so little sleep because of the last hunt it took a couple extra seconds for his brain to process the words. For a split second he even thought he'd misheard but really the words had been crystal clear. He stopped mid-way in his steps, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and his lips fell slightly apart in shock. There was only one way he could interpret the sentence, especially after hearing the huff of a small groan that was heard coming from his own brother.

Much as he tried to give it a different explanation there really wasn't one and so, ignoring the pang of jealousy in his chest, he resumed to walking at a much faster pace. His jaw was set and he surely would admit hee hadn't thought this through if someone asked him, but he needed an explanation and he needed to step in before-

“What the fu-” but the words died out in his lips faster than they ever had before in his life and his confusion only seemed to turn into... more confusion? He blinked several times, as if to get his sleepy eyes to focus, to make out and understand that everything that he was seeing was not in his head. It would be logical to think that, seeing as his brain was still foggy with sleep to put one and one together and it had only become worse with his two-quick-assumptions and feelings getting the best of him.

“Alright, no maybe I was better off a bit to the right then.” were your next words and this time they were followed by a heavy grunt coming from Sam.

“Seriously (Y/n), my back's starting to hurt real bad. Can you decide, please?” there was an urgency in his voice that combined with his words – and again his sleepiness – Dean had to blink a couple times to make sure that what he was seeing was true and that his mind wasn't playing games on him. After all the words-

“That was going to happen either way, Sammy. It's called getting old.” the smirk was evident on your voice, much like the sharp look Sam turned to give you.

“Good, then maybe you young and beautiful (Y/n) could put up the lights on your own if it's so easy.” he commented, fixing the christmas light on top of th bookshelf as you had instructed him. For the first time the words did match with the image before Dean's eyes, but was that a relief or not? He didn't know.

“Chill, Lana. The middle-life crisis isn't here yet... not that it is far away either.” you still teased with a smirk on your lips “And besides, it's not my fault that you're the perfect height for this job. Ain't all of us the height of freakin' everest, Sammy, sorry.”

“Jack seemed a lot better at this but-” his brother sighed “Fine. At least these are the last ones.”

“For the map room, yes they are. But we have an entire bunker and Jack and I got three more bags full of Christmas decorations. Do you think those are going to hang themselves up or something?” you grinned and Dean saw his brother's eyes widen. He was sure he was going to fall down – especially if one took notice of all the christmas light decorating the place – any given second so he took the opportunity to speak, taking a couple steps closer in your direction.

“What the hell is this?” he still blinked in surprise, his voice making you jump. However, the bright smile that instantly formed on your lips managed to take some of his edge off – especially some of the edge he had due to the previous misunderstanding.

“Dean, you're finally awake! Good morning and-” you turned around for a second and as if it all happened too fast for him to comprehend he had a hat on his head that was the all-too-familiar Santa Claus one “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry... Christmas.” he blinked a couple more times, he didn't even try to take it off as if – much like the rest of the boys in the bunker – were actually putty in your hands whether they liked to admit it or not. He wanted to look serious but this once he was unable to hold back the half smile when you kissed his cheek “What's- what's all this?”

“What does it look like to you?” Sam asked with a smirk, finally taking a seat in one of the chairs and letting out a heavy sigh – only then allowing his brother to notice the... Christmas sweater he was wearing – or maybe you had made him wear it, oh Dean would bet all his money on that one.

“Looks like you went right up and stole all of Santa's decorations to put up here. If you ask me. But- what for?” heblinked, his eyes falling back on you.

“Alright, first of; it's not even that many! Jack and I really wanted a variety of lights so that's why it looks like we've gone too far. And you-” you pointed a finger at Sam “Stop being so grumpy. I know given your age, it comes naturally, but Jack and I had already set up most of the decorations. Plus the tree! Which is a huge part of the entire job and you should feel thankful for that!”

“Yeah, huge is really the right word for it. Couldn't have said it better.” Sam mumbled with a sigh, making Dean frown in suspicion “And besides that, you woke me up at the crack of dawn after you and Jack came up with five bags full of Christmas decorations and made me set all this – or most of it – up while you let Dean sleep through most of it!”

“Come on, Sammy, you were going to wake up in, what, five minutes or something. Instead of jogging I gave you a better alternative.” you didn't really reply to the second comment before you kept talking to Dean now “And second; Christmas! That's what it is Dean, and we needed to decorate. I mean, we are really late if you think about it but better late than never. It looks great, doesn't it? Don't think it has ever been better.” you grinned full of pride, looking around.

“(Y/n)-” Dean let a small breath, blinking “We have never decorated the bunker before. Like, literally never.”

“Yeah, but there's always a first time. It would be good to just take a break, enjoy some home cooked meals and maybe some eggnog. Watch movies, especially Home Alone because Jack hasn't seen it, and just give each other gifts to make this as normal as possible.And all the decorations are fun a-and nice too look at and... Don't you like it?” you ended up asking in a low voice, looking at him with a frown that on one hand they could all easily label as adorable but at the same time could make Dean feel the biggest wave of guilt wash him up on the inside. He felt his throat tighten as he felt overwhelmed with the need to apologize like there was no tomorrow.

“No! No, absolutely not! That's not what I meant with- It's great, sweetheart, we love it! Really, it couldn't get any better!” he tried to be as convincing as possible because on one hand he did believe it was great but on the other – and with the Santa hat still on his head – he couldn't deny he felt a bit ridiculous. It was all worth it though when he saw the wide smile that spread on your lips.

“Wonderful! Then you wouldn't mind to decorate your own room, right? I've got all the lights and decorations sorted out already but I will be there to instruct you on how it should go just in case.”

“Oh by all means, you can boss me around all you want. I can even lift you up if you want to put the lights.” he grinned and you chuckled.

“We'll see about that one, won't we. Now, where are the- Oh, Cas!” you clapped your hands, watching the angel carry the two trays full off cookies one in each hand “Here, let me help you!”

“Are those cookies with frosting on top?” Dean raised an eyebrow and you grinned at him, nodding your head.

“Yep, I did the baking and as you see Cas is great at doing the frosting. Take one boys while set them up on the table.” you offered them each one, only for Dean to be the fastest to take a bite and with a satisfied look on his face to grab two or three more even as you were walking away with the trays in your hands.

“She really got you into cooking too huh? Now I've seen it all.” Sam said with a grin as Castiel shrugged with a comfortable smile.

“I did most of the shopping for the food too. (Y/n) said I do well on that part so...” he shrugged once more, completely ignoring the look the two men shared.

“And it is true!” you said, coming back “The cookies are amazing, right? Jack was eager to help with the eggnog which is cooling off a the moment so you will get to taste that one later. If anything, that one he did all by himself and he was incredibly excited to do so.”

“Really?” Dean asked through a mouthful.

“Well, it is his first Christmas. We really should make it special for him, shouldn't we? After everything that happened he deserves it as much as we do.” Castiel said with a fond smile.

“Can't disagree with that. Where's the kid by the way?” Dean looked around with a frown.

“Oh there.” you said when you spotted him, however the sight made all of you frown for a couple seconds.

“But... what is he doing?” Sam was the one to ask what you all probably wondered when you took notice of how he was only staring at the ceiling with a frown and a tilted head. It was almost as if he was frozen in his place and while the sight was for a moment adorable it was also rather strange.

“Is he having a stroke or something?” Dean mumbled his own question, earning a roll of the eyes from Sam “Hey kid! You stopped functioning there?” he called out louder for Jack to hear, as you all slowly got a bit closer to him.

“Oh, hello. Good morning Dean! Merry Christmas!” he said cheerfully with a wide smile, waving at him.

“Yeah yeah.” Dean mumbled “You ok though? What are you staring at like that?”

“Oh. It's just-” Jack's smile fell as the perplexed look showed up again when he looked back up at the ceiling “See-” he let a small huff of air “I was busy decorating and trying to help with the Christmas food and when I came back and took a good around the place I noticed that.” he pointed up at the misletoe you and the rest of the men could barely see from where you were standing “And I wondered... how did the misletoe grow there is the wood is so old?”

Dean's lips parted, but no words came out. An eyebrow raised he shared a look with his brother and angel friend as you tried to suppress a smile “Alright, who's gonna answer that one?”

“Oh Jack, it didn't grow.” you giggled, happily making your way towards him “I put it there! It's actually kind of a tradition too. You put a misletoe somewhere up high like that and whenever two people are underneath, then they share a kiss.”

“But...” he looked at you, letting a few seconds of silence as his cheeks grew even more adorably red “We... are under the misletoe.”

“Exactly.” you smiled lovingly before cupping his cheek and kissing the other one “And there is really a limit to it. Whenever we're under the misletoe you can give me or I can give you a kiss.”

As if the kiss itself wasn't making his smile, then your words certainly did the trick “I think this is my favorite tradition. I love Christmas!” he in return gave you an eager, albeit somewhat shy, kiss on the cheek that made you grin.

…

And while Jack was still very much excited about all of it, it didn't take more than one second for the loud coughing to beheard. You glanced at Dean who had choked up on his cookie.

“And I think I'm starting to hate Christmas.” he muttered, eyes narrowed at Jack while Sam tried to hold back his grin, patting his brother on the back “I need to get that misletoe down now.”

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path-of-my-childhood · 4 years

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Miss Americana Is A Coming-Of-Age Story, Says Director Lana Wilson

By: Madeline Roth for MTV Date: February 12th 2020

Miss Americana, which premiered last month at Sundance and is now on Netflix, charts the pop star's transformation from a people-pleaser who measured her worth in pats on the head to a 30-year-old woman who's stopped worrying and learned to speak her mind. Wilson told MTV News about the doc:

"When I started, there wasn't a set, 'This is the story,' or anything like that. I just started filming immediately after meeting her and then just filmed, filmed, filmed, and saw what emerged."

Wilson tells MTV News about how Miss Americana is a coming-of-age story, the delicate balance of portraying Swift's romantic relationship, the studio footage she left on the cutting room floor, and the now-infamous "cat backpack."

This film made me really excited to see what kind of artist Taylor Swift is going to be in her 30s, now that she's seemingly more comfortable speaking her mind and isn't as worried about being a quote-unquote "good girl." Do you see it as capturing a turning point in her life? Absolutely. I think it's a coming-of-age story about this woman at a pivot point in her life and career. Taylor went through all of this pain and then stood up and became the person she wanted to be, but didn't have the ability to be for so many years, because of the leash that she put on herself. To be able to take that leash off, I think it's really amazing for people to see that. It's amazing from a documentary director's perspective when you get to go with a subject who really changes in the time that you film with them. That's what I was lucky enough to get to see.

You do get that sense that she doesn't feel the need to constantly reinvent herself anymore. How do you think the film sets a tone or an expectation for her going forward? I think she's always going to artistically challenge herself no matter what. What I saw when I saw her writing songs, and even from the videos of her when she's 11 years old writing her first songs on the guitar, is that she's someone who is always going to write something she hasn't written about before and do something new and experiment. I do think she's more comfortable with who she is now, though. It's about her journey to self-acceptance. She's less focused on being the person other people want her to be and more focused on being the person who she wants to be and who she is.

You definitely saw that throughout the film. At the same time, I loved seeing those moments where she's insecure, like when she finds out that Reputation didn't get nominated for a Grammy or when she's criticizing the way her face looks while shooting the "ME!" video. She even says at one point that she feels like there's a better version of herself out there. Why do you think those moments are important to see as well? I think when you see any insecurity coming out of the mouth of a superstar, that's a really powerful thing. And in fact, how we deal with insecurity is really what defines our strength. Taylor writes so candidly in her lyrics about the hardest times and the times when things didn't go well. That's what her fans love her for. We all want to feel less alone, and that's one reason why people turn to art. It's great for people to see that their heroes are human.

I found it really effective how her ages showed up on screen throughout the film. It really made you realize that she was so young when all of these big, formative life events were happening to her. Why did you decide to highlight her ages like that? That was my editor Greg O'Toole's idea, and I thought it was brilliant. It changes the way you see everything. When we think about Taylor Swift, I think we tend to forget how young she was when she started. You feel that amazement of, "Wow! She was writing those songs at that age?!" But then there's also, "Oh my god, she had to go through that when she was a teenager?!" You see the good things and the hard things at once. It gives context, but it’s also this reminder throughout the film that this is a coming-of-age story.

Totally. When it came to portraying Taylor’s relationship with her boyfriend, that three or so minutes where he's shown backstage and then you see cell phone footage that looks like it was shot by him — I found that particularly moving and a nice way to acknowledge something that is an important part of her life but is also sacred and private. What kind of care went into achieving that balance? It really was a balance. Taylor's had so many relationships go through the public ringer, so it was important to respect her desire to keep her relationship private, while still acknowledging the important role that relationship plays in her life. I remember we had done the first rough cut and we had this whole section of her writing Reputation. She was like, "I do have a few videos on my phone that I think could capture the fact that while I was out of the public eye, it was one of the happiest times of my life." When I saw those videos, I was so moved by them. Especially by her singing "Call It What You Want" when she's in the slippers. I was like, "This is everything. This is all we need to know." It's really special. You don't even have to see her boyfriend's face; you could feel it.

I loved that scene and I loved the song choices in general. "Out Of the Woods," "Getaway Car," "Call It What You Want"... I thought it was really cool how you didn't just use "Shake It Off" and all the big hits. I so appreciate you saying that because not a lot of people have commented on that. I really did not want to do, "here's all of Taylor's greatest hits in the first 10 minutes of the movie," which you often see in this type of project. I wanted to use songs that were emotionally and thematically related to what was going on in the story at that time. With "Getaway Car," it's this moment of total freedom for her in the story of the film. Or "Clean," after the sexual assault trial, for example.

When you're making this kind of film and you're capturing Taylor during such a long stretch of time, how do you know when it's done? What was the moment when you realized you had enough of the story you wanted to tell? My sense was that we had to film through the Lover album release. I think you feel at that point in the film that Taylor isn't as concerned with what people will think of the album. It's more like, it was a joy for her to make and to put out into the world. She went through this period where she went away from the public eye, but she wants to keep entertaining people and making music, and nothing is going to stop her from that. I loved the idea of ending the movie with her walking onstage, and that idea of this bravery she's had since she was 12 years old, of walking out to perform. I wanted to end it with her going back out into the world again to face the public, but you have the sense that something's a little bit different about her now. That's the sense I hope the audience has.

Was there anything you had to leave out of the film that you were particularly bummed about cutting? There was so much more songwriting and recording in the studio. It's so special to see something come from just the seed of an idea - a fragment of a melody or a lyric typed in her phone - and get to then hear it as a finished song. That's some of my favorite stuff in the film, but there was a lot that we had to leave on the cutting room floor, heartbreakingly.

I'd imagine. Do you think that footage will ever be used for anything? I don't know. People have asked me about it, so it's giving me hope that maybe we could just release the 40-minute version of Taylor writing "Only the Young" as a standalone film or something.

Honestly, I would watch. A lot of people would watch! I think a lot of people would.

Last question: How long did it take for Meredith and Olivia to warm up to you? I don't know if they ever did, honestly! They're very cute and they're quite friendly. They're often hiding under things. They just kind of pop out from somewhere, so you do have this feeling of, "There are cats everywhere!"

I loved the screen time they got. Especially the cat backpack. I remember watching the cat backpack scene with one of my editors and I was like, "Is this too long? Are we spending too long on the cat backpack?" He looked at me and he was like, "Definitely not." And he was absolutely right.

#Lana Wilson #mtv #interview #Taylor Swift: Miss Americana #about taylor #taylor swift #tay & joe #songwriting

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borisbubbles · 4 years

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17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

youtube

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism.

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got.

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

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Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

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Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

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Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

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I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo! Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3 God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!!

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2020 #Eurovision Song Contest #Czech Republic #Czechia #Bohemia #Ben Christovão #Benny Christo

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financenfreelance · 3 years

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6 Tough Lessons Learned From Freelancing For 6 Years 💸💜

Here is a list of 6 tough lessons learned from freelancing for 6 years. These are some of the lessons that I had to learn the hard way. Don’t be dumb like I was! Learn from my freelancing mistakes.

💜 6 Lessons Learned from Freelancing

So… I have to let you in on a little secret.

This is probably a shock to no one, but I didn’t exactly hit the ground running when I first started freelancing. When I first started, I had to take several L’s in my beginning stages, and it was tough. Unfortunately, I had to learn it the hard way – through trial by fire.

I sucked at freelancing for a WHILE. There were so many mistakes made that I’m surprised that I stuck with it.. or made any money at all. I got serious about freelancing when I was too broke to move out from a toxic relationship… (story on how I went from broke to $1000 a week here) but for a good while, my freelance side hustle was a flop at BEST.

If you’re a beginner, learn from my mistakes.

Learn from my lessons learned from freelancing. Don’t be stupid like I was! You don’t have to learn the hard way to become a success. Here are 6 tough lessons I’ve learned from 6 years of freelancing.

“A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether.”

Roy H. Williams

Related Article: Advice For Freelance Beginners

💜Lesson #1 – As a freelancer, you are now your own business, NOT an employee

And don’t let anyone treat you as such.

The first lessons learned from freelancing is this. Hear me loud and clear: You’re the boss who is running things now.

Of course, you will have clients to please, and you should go above and beyond on your services for them.

Also, make sure you are open-minded about the categories that require collaboration. Sometimes clients will have specific restrictions, times, and other requests or suggestions. But this my dear, is a business transaction first and foremost.

Be Your Own Boss

You are the one who dictates your schedule, your pay, and your limitations (more on that later.) The on who decides your working conditions is YOU. They are not hiring you as an employee and you are not at their beg and call.

“At the end of the day, I’m the biggest boss. I’m self-made.”

– Rick Ross

Last but not least, as a business, make sure you set yourself up for success. Be sure to check out: How to Set Goals for Your Freelancing Business as well.

💜Freelance Lesson #2 – Some work isn’t worth the money

The next tough lesson learned from freelancing is this:

Do not work with problematic people.

The word “NO” will become your biggest ally when your freelance career gets going. Trust me, some work is not worth the money.

Sometimes, this will take some trial and error before you get the hang of it, but I realized that the clients that I REFUSED define me just as much as the clients I took on.

Freelance Client Red Flags

If you see any of these red flags, consider turning down this client:

Client is nit-picking constantly and unreasonably

Your client is trying to lower your rate

They are unprofessional, dismissive

Client goes long periods of time without responding to you or paying you

The client is overly critical, hot headed, or just plain mean

Client and you just don’t mesh well

They withhold payment from you or they are a hassle to collect payment from

You feel uncomfortable IN ANY WAY talking to this client.

Avoid Stressful Clients Like the Plague

If you feel like this client is going to be trouble in any way… DON’T DO IT.

I have gained so much peace of of mind by firing and rejecting problematic customers. Time is money, so don’t spend valuable time on stress.

Choose to work with people who you have a good rapport, who are polite, and who has mutual respect with you. Having “no client” is actually 100 times better than having a bad one.

“When two people talk with mutual respect and listen with a real interest in understanding another point of view, when they try to put themselves in the place of another, to get inside their skin, they change the world, even if it is only by a minute amount, because they are establishing equality between two human beings.”

– Theodore Zeldin

💜Lesson #3 -SERIOUSLY- The ability to say no is a BLESSING

Another serious lesson learned from freelancing was this: I am not going to be able to be everything to everybody.

This is why you have a unique specialty and skillset. Both you and your client will have a better experience if you are able to set boundaries from the beginning.

Back Away From The Money!

I know it sounds crazy to turn down the money, but like I’ve said before, some money just isn’t worth it. Some jobs will cost you more in the long run than they are worth. Let me give you an example.

When I first was starting out as a graphic designer, even though I had narrowed a specialty, people asked me for all kinds of things. These requests ranged from 3D modeling, video editing, and logo designs, even though I was more of a print designer.

One of my biggest mistakes

One of my biggest mistakes was taking on a video editing project. I had very little experience with video, but I had built a relationship with a client and I didn’t want to turn down an opportunity when I desperately needed the money. My lack of experience should have been my first clue not to take it. The second clue should have been that this was a rush project, and I would be burning myself out to get this thing done. I needed a miracle, but all I had was elbow grease and a stubborn will.

I sleeplessly worked on the project for 12 hours, and it looked like crap. Stupid decisions were made- I was an idiot because had only billed the client for 4 hours. I ended up wasting time, money, and effort on a project that was not meant for me. Not to mention… with such a terrible video, I never heard from that client again—not even for graphic work.

Make sure you draw lines in the sand when possible. If a project isn’t right for you, send your client elsewhere. Manage your client’s expectations as well as your own. Don’t take on any work that you are not qualified for. Trust me.

💜 Freelance Lesson #4 – “That’ll cost you extra.”

I highly recommend that you become acquainted with “That’ll cost you extra.”

From the creators of “No”.

This phrase should be within an arm’s reach for when your client requests anything “beyond”.

Anything that is an emergency will cost you extra. Rush? That’ll cost you extra. Can we just add another… EXTRA. Make sure you have the proper upcharges in mind for any additions that may happen. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and your business.

If you have a client that respects your time and you as a business, they will have no problems paying a fee if it is truly necessary. If not.. not to be rude, but it’s not your problem.

Tough Lesson Learned From Freelancing: Don’t Let It Slide

Trust me, do not think you are being nice by letting something slide once or twice for free. You will be hurting yourself in the long run, because that client will take advantage of your kindness. This will add extra stress to your job and could cause you to resent your clients.

I would also recommend that newbies check out this article for more tips: Freelancing Tips For Beginners: What I Learned My First Year

💜Lesson #5 – A good third of your time will be spent outside of your craft

Like we’ve discussed earlier, as a freelancer you are now the holder of your very own business.

This leads us to the next lesson learned from freelancing.

You will need to make sure that you stay on top of your day to day tasks. These tasks will include keeping track of your income and expenses, planning out your taxes, dealing with your client’s Human Resources Department or Payroll company, and countless other things.

Client communication will also take quite a bit of your time. You will need to make sure you are landing clients, communicating on project status, and keeping up work quotes and invoices. You will also have to stay on top of who has paid you and who hasn’t.

Lesson Learned From Freelancing: Bill for Admin Work

Make sure that you pad this business minutia into your pricing structure, so that you are still getting paid for this time.

Although this sounds stressful, it’s still worth it. The financial freedom that freelancing has allowed me has been invaluable. In addition, getting to make money doing a job that I love really overruled the minutia of business.

Adulting will sneak in through the cracks in all forms, so just make sure to stay on top of it.

💜Freelance Lesson #6 – Be Honest and Own Up to Problems

The final lesson is an important one, and it ties into some things that we’ve already discussed. Make sure you are honest with yourself and your clients.

This goes along with setting boundaries, being able to say no, refusing work that are outside of your scope, and knowing your worth. Be truthful, upfront, and forthcoming, and you will be successful at freelancing.

Not only will you manage realistic expectations for you clients, but you are prioritizing your own wellbeing. Never, ever over-promise and under-deliver.

When Problems Arise

Sometimes, the issue is a miscommunication, or sometimes it’s more serious. Bring things to your client’s attention as soon as it’s a roadblock for you.

The worst time to tell them is when a project is due tomorrow. Work together on these issues to make sure both you and your client is happy. Hey, customers are human too who f up just like the rest of us.

The good ones tend to be understanding as long as you are reasonable!

“I’m not perfect; I make mistakes all the time. All I can do is to try my best to learn from my mistakes, take responsibility for them, and do a better job tomorrow.”

– Lana

💜What It All Boils Down To:

When I first started freelancing, I was kind of a pushover. I let things slide, let people try to control me, and let them walk all over me.

Not anymore.

Throughout my career, I’ve learned to create boundaries and draw lines in the sand like I never have before in my life.

I learned how to speak up for myself and be an advocate for myself and my business, all while gaining respect from my clients and looking stunning in the process.

That is what being a boss is all about.

“Really, every day is the perfect day to boss up. Every day that you wake up is a perfect day to boss up. It’s all about continuing to put one foot in front of the next. That’s what it’s about. Whatever you think you’re going through, just put one foot in front of the next.”

– Rick Ross

Are you a newbie at freelancing? Check out The Ultimate Freelance Guide for Beginners

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