#I want to write a whole analysis of that

[nostalgicfun]

Love is stored in the food.

My dad always made a huge deal about my mom's cooking.

He would come to see us for the weekend and she'd make him lunch and dinner, he'd bang his fist on the table, he'd make comical MMMMMMs like he was in a commercial (albeit a very corny one), and declare that he was taking home the leftovers so nobody could have seconds (which was, of course, a joke, and he'd actually encourage everyone to eat more).

As I was growing up, if I didn't like something we were having for dinner, he'd tell me "Did I ever tell you what I ate in the Gulf War?" or "Did I ever tell you I carried one spoon for six months in my sock?" and, in a nice, fun, dad-like way, tell me I should appreciate my mom's cooking.

One of the last times I saw him, I made a joke that I could make him spaghetti, but it wouldn't be as good as my mom's because I didn't have the practice.

He told me that of course it would be just as good, because he loves me, and therefore he loves my cooking, and he would take all the leftovers home and eat all of it even if I made him weeks and weeks of spaghetti and it all turned green.

I believe him.

I got older and got my own place, and began cooking for roommates and friends and coworkers and significant others. I wasn't a very good cook because I didn't have any experience at all outside of boxed macaroni and spaghetti since my mom didn't allow me to cook—which is another story of its own.

So yes, I started cooking and baking, and no, I wasn't good at it. Many of my meals were (and, let's be real, still are) "flops." I'm notorious for burning—incinerating, truthfully—things, overcooking things, adding too much or too little seasoning, yada yada. That doesn't stop me from loving cooking and baking, though.

But there's a problem, and there has always been a problem since I started using a kitchen of my own, that what I make goes to waste. Entire cakes sit in their cake-keeper until they mold. Leftovers of dishes I made for other people turn to liquid in their containers. Brownies turn to gray rocks, spaghetti turns so green not even my dad would have touched it.

Shortly after I got my first apartment, I lamented this to my father, who was by then living overseas. I told him that I had, like my mother, love to bake, but no one to feed it to. Even with roommates, it rotted. I couldn't eat two dozen cupcakes myself.

I received a phone call a few hours later.

It was from my dad's best friend.

He drove an hour for cupcakes. I'd never seen him smile so broadly as he did when I went running out to his truck with a big container of cupcakes in my hands. They were pudding-filled, I told him, something I'd never tried before. Yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and vanilla pudding. Boston cream cupcakes.

My dad's friend came back once a week until he moved a short time later. He posted pictures of my "delicacies" on Facebook. I made him cheesecakes, cupcakes, quick breads, muffins.

And of course, spaghetti.

And he told me about the spoons he and my dad carried in the Gulf War.

Years went by and I got better at cooking, but there was still something wrong. My food—homemade food—wasn't eaten unless I put it right in front of a person and basically said "eat." If I set my food out at a work potluck and left the room it would go untouched. My family scoffed (and still scoffs!) at anything I make for them for reasons unknown to even me. My friends and roommates ate what I put in front of them, but left overs never got eaten of their own volition, cookies continued to mold in their tins.

I stopped baking.

Later when my dad returned to the country for a funeral, he went straight to my mom's house. She made him coffee and cheesecake and spaghetti, and he raved and raved and raved about all of it just like he used to.

We stood outside that night while I let the dogs run around.

"She makes terrible coffee," he told me unprompted. "Bitter. But she always had it ready for me. I never asked for that. She just started doing it one day while I was getting ready for work. I'd never had that before. It was the sweetest thing ever, back then."

Her cheesecake was too sweet for him sometimes, too. And she made her chili, one of his favorite dishes right up there with spaghetti, too spicy for his liking.

But she was cooking for him. She was doing this for him. And his reactions made her so happy. My mom loves when people enjoy her food, everyone who's ever met her knows this. "Even when she made absolutely rancid stuff, which she does sometimes," he said, "she's doing it because she loves us. And we love her, too. So I drink the coffee."

I took up my dad's mantle of "theatrics" at the dinner table for my mom. She smiles the same every time.

I've become a much, much better cook as I've gotten older.

I've also, with age, learned the difference between selfish love and unselfish love, and how you can so easily tell this difference when you make someone food. Empty compliments made in hopes it'll win the compliment-giver brownie points (pun not intended but appreciated). Say it's good, but the leftovers are molding in the fridge and the muffins are untouched in the break room, still. My family who side-eyes my dinner contributions with thinly-veiled distaste.

I started making friends recently. New friends from new places, friends who aren't anything like me.

I joined a writing club, too.

On a whim, I baked cupcakes for our meeting.

When the meeting was over, arguments ensued over who got to take the cupcakes home. I handed out paper plates and cling wrap. Everyone left smiling. Everyone left with a cupcake (or two) in their hands. Each time we meet, now, they ask me when I'm next bringing cupcakes.

A coworker came to sit in my office the other day. She's new here. She lamented not having a Red Lobster in the area, that she craved their biscuits because she and her mom used to go get Red Lobster on Thursday nights.

I went home and made her Cheddar Bay biscuits. We sat in the break room eating them and laughing and making up stories about people we saw from the window below. When lunch was over, she took her biscuits home in an ice cream box we found in the freezer.

I started dating a new guy last year. My dad introduced us on his most recent visit. I was smitten. He was smitten. We did the silly little activities kind-of-young people do while dating: walks in the park, going out for ice cream, watching a movie, attending a trivia night.

I don't remember now how it was relevant to the conversation at the time, but at one point it was mentioned that neither his mother nor his father nor his step-mom ever cooked. The whole family always ate out. At home they'd have chicken tenders and Hungry Man dinners.

The next week, I invited him over for dinner. I was nervous, super nervous. I was so scared it would go the way it always goes, with no comments at all other than "thanks it was good," which almost always means, in the experiences I've had, "that was mediocre but nice of you I guess."

I made him a big rack of ribs. I called my mom to make sure I was doing it right, like, three times.

When I put the ribs down in front of him, he was smiling a familiar smile. A "did I ever tell you about the spoon I carried" smile.

He took one bite.

He set down his fork.

He got out his phone and video called his dad to show him the dinner.

I haven't stopped cooking for him since.

When he has to leave after a weekend together, he goes to my fridge and rummages through the leftovers not unlike a racoon and asks "can I have this?" "are you going to eat this?" "can I take some of this home?"

He always leaves with a Walmart bag full of little Tupperware containers, and hot coffee made without asking.

And when my dinners are "flops," when they come out burnt or too salty or not salty enough, he doesn't lie or give me beloathed empty compliments.

"The worst dinner from you is still better than the best dinner from Door Dash."

I bake him cakes. He sends me snapchats of him eating them. I make him muffins, and he takes them to work in a lunch box and taunts his coworkers with them. He arrives to my place in the wee hours of the morning and asks "what did you make for dinner tonight, is there any left, and how fast can I microwave it?" We go to a social potluck at the place where we met and he points to the banquet table and says "look, that guy's getting some of your meatballs. I bet they're almost all gone." A friend's wife puts one of my cookies on her plate. He points at something behind her that isn't there at all and steals the cookie off of her plate. He smiles at me.

Love is stored in the food.

#this is the Grimace Bf btw! same guy #the hardest toughest people in my life have always been the most unselfish and the most genuine #I want to write a whole analysis of that #anyway I think about this all the time and have wanted to start writing little stories so here have a little piece of me <3

[legendoftherisingtide]

[intro]

Bakugou is a prideful, arrogant person. He holds himself to the highest standard; he is the best and everyone else is simply below him. Everything he has ever done was in pursuit of being number one, shining above the rest. He has to have a perfect victory, he has to be a perfect student, he has to win to save.

He pushes and pushes and won’t let anyone see his weaknesses or his insecurities. He can never lose, he can never fail, he can never show that he regrets or hesitates or that he hasn’t thought everything through. He must never be vulnerable in every sense of the word.

Then why is he standing in the rain.

To apologize shouldn’t be a sacrifice, but it is for Bakugou. To pour his feelings, to admit his wrong, to let down all of the walls he has built and be vulnerable. And in front of his whole class.

He is willing to sacrifice his pride, to fully sacrifice any superiority he could have, to bare his soul and even risk rejection. Because he knows Midoriya is more important. Because he wants him to come home, he wants him to know his true feelings, because he wants things to change. 

Because Midoriya has changed him. Midoriya has opened his eyes; by showing him he’s allowed to be open, that his feelings should be expressed, that he has so much to learn, and so much of that was learned through Midoriya just existing.

He isn’t sacrificing his safety frivolously because he’s expected to as a hero; he is doing it because he has grown. He is doing it because he has finally admitted to himself that he wants Midoriya to be with him and safe.

So I will sacrifice this for you. Not because it will change anything, as much as I want that I know that I can’t just fix all the wrong with just this. And I am willing to do as much as it takes to earn your forgiveness. But I don’t need that from you, not now and not ever if you don’t want that, I just need you to rest. I did so much wrong. And I am sorry for everything. You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on us. You are so strong and being supported doesn’t discount that. You’ve taught me that. 

I hate the rain. But I will brave it for you. 

He would do everything in his power, admit so many things, just to get Midoriya to take care of himself. We see him being the most vulnerable he has ever been in front of people that aren’t Midoriya. He does so much completely out of character, all in pursuit of being there for Midoriya. 

For Izuku.

He finally gets over himself and finally tells Midoriya the feelings he has felt for so long.

He lets go of this idea he is inherently better and finally acknowledges that his hatred for Midoriya has always been about his own shortcomings and insecurities. But he still wants to be better, they are still rivals. He isn’t going to sacrifice that part of him because that is just who he is; he is still going to push to number one.

But now it’s different.

There is verbal and vocal acceptance and respect. Before it was unspoken; their relationship had changed ever since Ground Beta. They were proper rivals, with mutual respect and care, they were actively making each other better.

But Bakugo finally verbalizes it and tells Midoriya, not only is he sorry, but he wants to actually have a proper friendship; he wants to continue to become better and earn his forgiveness. He wants them to push each other to be better, he wants to continue to fight for the top spot, he still wants to be the best.

But when did it become something else? 

When was the turning point when it started to shift from wanting to surpass Midoriya and be the best, to wanting to keep up with Midoriya and stay by his side?

Bakugou has already sacrificed himself for Midoriya before. His body moved on its own; with no hesitation, he would save Midoriya. He has already risked his life for him. But there is a layer to it that I don’t think people talk about. 

He tells Midoriya he shouldn’t try to win this on his own. 

He disguises his concern with an insistence that he’s in it to fight for himself when he initially joins the battle. But it is to fight by Midoriya’s side and support him.

But taking the hit for Midoriya, jumping in the way isn’t just support. This is sacrifice. This is giving yourself to ensure the safety of someone. And it was second nature. 

There are two reasons and both are a sacrifice of something in the moment.

It is knowing someone is so valuable, so great, in all senses of the word, that they must be protected. Bakugou is sacrificing his body and admitting that Midoriya needs to stay alive, for personal reasons and/or for the world. He needs Midoriya to be okay, Midoriya can’t fight alone and Bakugou will do anything to make sure he will be okay. 

But the sacrifice of ideology. 

With every development, he has relinquished parts of himself. When he sacrifices himself he is not only sacrificing his body but is admitting that he can’t do this on his own; he needs Midoriya too. This isn’t him wanting to be better than Midoriya, it’s him wanting to do it together.

Midoriya changed him.

He doesn’t die for Midoriya. He wakes up and just as his last thought was Midoriya, so was his first as he woke up. He runs to his side. People are dragging him back, trying to have him rest, knowing before he even said anything that he would lose his mind over Midoriya’s situation. 

Everyone sees how Bakugou feels about Midoriya.

He sacrifices himself because Midoriya can not die on him. Midoriya has to stay alive. Midoriya has to keep fighting. 

There can not be a world that doesn’t have him in it.

This is the culmination of what has been developing ever since the final exam where Bakugou finally works with Midoriya; the day that win to save, save to win was noticed. Then furthered after Ground Beta where they finally talked to each other and something changed within them both.

But the final sacrifice is the culmination of Bakugou’s character.

He knows what this decision will mean. Everyone screams for him not to. He knows that he is going to die. He knows he will not win this fight.

This isn’t dying for the cause. This isn’t just a hero complex. This is because he can help Midoriya and he will. This is for Izuku.

I will sacrifice myself for you. To give you more time, to give you even the slightest chance of winning. I will sacrifice myself for you because you are who can win. I am going to die. I am going to die and in my final thoughts, I will ask if I will still be able to be by your side.

It is no longer can I beat you. It is no longer can I surpass you. It is can I still catch up to you. It is can I still even be equal to you. He has already sacrificed the idea that he could beat Midoriya, that isn’t what he wants anymore. What he wants is to stay here with him.

I will sacrifice everything I am. I have wanted to be the best. All my life I have wanted to surpass you and everyone around me. But you. I will let that go for you. I let it go in my mind for so long now and I have never wanted to admit it. Is it even possible? Is it even possible for me to catch up to you? Is it even possible for me to stay by your side. I can’t be that anymore. I am sacrificing even that now. I will never be number one now. I will never become the person I always dreamed to be. I will never surpass you. I am forever sacrificing that now. I will die here.  

But can I still be with you?

The sacrifice of his life is him fully relinquishing everything he is, admitting that he can’t keep up, losing all of the progress he has made, letting go of everything that made up his character.

And the last thing on his mind is if he can still be able to be by Midoriya’s side.

He won’t let him go again. 

#EDITED BC I REALIZED I DIDNT PUT A READ MORE SO IT MUST BE SO OBNOXIOUS #so I finally finished putting in the images and mustered up the courage to post it #I’m always so nervous about posting opinions or anything long bc I get super passionate and I’m scared it’s wrong— #i added pictures as evidence but in reality is was bc i was super insecure that no one would want to read all that-- #the intro was so long and was also made to apply to both togachako and bakudeku so i just made it a masterpost instead #this is still very long i am sorry but i have so many thoughts #but like yeah this is just my little essay about sacrifice and love and how they’re intertwined #and it goes both ways #but that’s for another day and another essay #togachako follow the sacrifice and love perfectly #so I will probably write one for them as well… maybe #bkdk #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakudeku meta #bnha analysis #mha analysis #bnha spoilers #<- for the whole manga but cmon if ur reading this you know it all #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

There's a small moment in the Hunter x Hunter 2011 anime that I thought was pretty cute. It's close to the beginning, during the Hunter Exam, when they're looking for pigs in the forest. Gon slides down a hill, and Killua follows him, only for him to crash because Gon had stopped at the bottom of the hill. This scene!

It's one of those rare little bits added by an adaptation that really add to the characters - because yeah, this was not in the manga.

I find this anime is really good at adding little moments that either

are just cute or endearing

are fun extra interactions that show off the character dynamics more

actually highlight something about the characters in question

This one, I feel, does all three. First of all, I just love seeing Killua a bit more involved in their group before the eventual reveal of "he just wanted to be friends". It's really sweet.

But mostly, I think it's interesting that Killua assumed Gon was just messing around, when Gon was actually focusing his efforts on beating the challenge. Because, sure, Killua finds Gon somewhat intriguing, and he really wants to stick around him due to his desire for a friend - but Killua still sees himself as a class above pretty much everyone else there, and also as an assassin in a category so firmly removed from "regular kid".

So, Killua totally misreads Gon here. He assumes Gon is just doing a regular kid thing and attempts to mimic it so he can join in. It doesn't actually occur to him that Gon was tracking the pigs, or focusing on the task at hand.

It's a far cry from later on, where Killua and Gon are primarily a team effort - in sync, aware of the others' strengths, and taking each other quite seriously.

And part of it, of course, is that they just don't know each other very well at this point. But I think another thing is that Killua, during most of the Hunter Exam, is more invested in what Gon represents than who he is, necessarily.

His first friend represents rebellion against his family, childish enjoyment, and the desire for connection and understanding that he is not receiving. And even though, as time goes on, he grows more and more impressed with Gon, I really don't think it fully clicked that he wanted that friend he wished for to be specifically Gon until he was confronted by Illumi.

I also think Killua takes Gon a lot more seriously after the fight with Hanzo, and especially after Gon went all the way to the Zoldyck estate to save him. Before the Hanzo fight, Killua was outright irritated by Gon being ranked higher than him overall, and was even a little bitter at the beginning of the fight ("I could've dodged that easily" comes to mind).

By Heavens Arena, I feel they both have a much firmer grasp on, and appreciation for, who the other is as a person. Killua is more consciously aware of his investment in Gon as an individual rather than an abstract, and Gon is aware of Killua's crappy upbringing and is quick to be very supportive of him as he figures things out for himself.

During the Hunter Exam though, a lot of the interactions between them feel a lot like Killua is either mimicking or acting out "regular kid" behaviours, either because that's what he thinks Gon is already doing, or he wants to see if Gon will respond in kind.

Aaaaand... he does. :)

So, while they do not have what I feel is a true depth of bond here yet, the foundation is already being laid down for their powerful friendship - Gon and Killua both show an immediate willingness and enjoyment to go along with what the other wants to do and to try out what the other is good at, and they wind up having a whole lot of fun together right off the bat.

#obviously a lot a lot a lot i did not touch on #but this was already longer than i meant it to be lmao #just a few observations #actually i just want you to look at how cute these scenes are. that's actually the whole reason i wrote this #look!!! at him!!! oughhghgh he's so happy #storyrambles #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective #<-my beloved analysis tag it's been too long... #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #hope this actually makes sense... i have this irrational fear every time i go to write a meta for a fandom i've never written for before #that i'm going to be jumped in a dark alley by the fans because i totally read things wrong dhjgbnsof #hunter exam gon and killua is basically just killua roundabout asking if gon wants to play with him and if he will accept him #and gon responding with an enthusiastic yes

[paimonial-rage]

Ask meme - 6 and 9 for the dragon men (zhongli and neuvillette) please!

This took so long I am so sorry, but here we go!

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

What is Neuvillette's biggest insecurity?

Neuvillette’s biggest insecurity is not something he's ever tried to hide. Anyone that has spent enough time with the Iudex has probably heard him mention it before. Simply put, Neuvillette doesn't understand the emotions of humans very well. He never has and sometimes he doubts if he ever will? How many times has this flaw of his costed him dearly in the past? How many mistakes has he made? And how many are there yet to come? How he dreads the thought.

What can’t you trust [Neuvillette] with?

To chase after you - Iudex Neuvillette is many things—polite, kind, intelligent—but he is not a man without faults. Only a few know him well enough to realize he holds many regrets upon his shoulders, majority that were never his burden alone to bear. Should you ever become the source of one of these regrets, you can surely expect to know. With somber eyes and a weight upon his shoulders, he will apologize to you. But don’t expect anymore than that. Not understanding human emotions is not only his weakness, but a prison. He will not attempt to make things up to you nor will he try to make things how they used to be. You’re best off where he can hurt you no more, even if that means he will be left alone to the rain.

What is Zhongli's biggest insecurity?

Who knows lol.

What can’t you trust Zhongli with?

With mora - As knowledgeable and talented Zhongli is with many things, it is a surprise to many to hear that businessmen don’t exactly enjoy making deals with him. How can they when contract discussions always leave them with the [shorter end of the stick]? How many [unforeseen business expenses] do they end up incurring in such a short amount of time? In the end, they always lose more than they gained. What they don’t know is this unfortunate occurrence happens with any Mora dealings with the man. But what can you expect for someone that, by contract, has the Traveler liable for all expenses during his outings with them? It's simply best to leave all matters of mora out of any relationships with him.

With your heart - If there's one thing true about Zhongli, it's that, while he may withhold the truth, he does not lie. So when he speaks of a person warmly, they can very well believe his words to be true. That being said, it is important that one does not mistaken his warmth with depth. One cannot simply entrust their heart to him and expect his in return. How could anyone hope to understand the weight of many a millennia, after all? So while the desire may be cute, it'll never be something he would even consider to reciprocate.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #zhongli #neuvilllette #zhongli x reader #neuvillette x reader #character analysis ask meme #my writing #i am so sorry this took so long anon i have no excuses #not the happiest with these set of responses either #neuvillette’s insecurity answer is severely lacking #it’s so obvious that it feels too easy but like #the reason why i feel that way is because the answer doesn’t answer WHY tha5 is his biggest insecurity. WHY does it matter to him so much? #the obvious answer is that it is because he cares about humans but why?? #the answer i came to is that deep down he wants to be accepted by humans which is why he seeks to understand them but i am not sure #granted that’s just my gut answer. i need to do way more research but i already left you waiting too long #as for zhongli like….. ugh #my first answer for what you can trust him with was a cop out but like!!! #that’s because my second answer is like something i talk about alllll the time when i talk about zhongli OTL #i have a whole series surrounding it orz #i didn’t think anyone would want me to talk about it again so i came up with the cop out answer #but the cop out answer was such a cop out i ended up typing my original idea haha #so you get two answers that are kind of mediocre. i’m sorry. ;v; #all of my other answers for him would be more humorous #you can’t trust him with: common sense… bringing appropriate party cups… arriving to events on time #tho there’s no proof for it you gotta admit that he gives off the vibes of someone tha5 is chronically late to everything #and as for his insecurity like… typically old and ‘spiritually actualized’ people are of the hardest to analyze in terms of insecurities #he has no chinks in his armor #i will be working on your next ask though! hopefully it takes less time ;v;

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE TOPIC OF BARNABY. as well as his relationship with Wally.

So. To kick this off - Riv (@funonion) and I were Speculating, and they introduced me to the johari window:

They put Barnaby in the “facade” section, and I entirely agree. To quote them;

“So he’s Wally’s guide, right? He’s the “knowledgeable” one of the two and is always the one teaching him new things. And you know, it’s one thing if you’re just teaching him how to laugh or how to tell a joke. But.

Clown has given us two doors. One says that Barnaby understands Wally in a way the rest of the neighborhood doesn’t, and is willing to do his dirty work so to speak. The other says that their friendship was not a natural occurring thing and had to be enforced repeatedly within the show. HOW THAT’S BEING ENFORCED IS ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY but it is worth it to note.

What is Barnaby willing to keep? What is he willing to bury for his little buddy? I can’t say anything definitively yet, but the fact that I even have to ask is telling. The class clown archetype is usually used as a way to cover up for something else a character might be experiencing”

And my response, (I won’t directly quote because I have little things in the phrasing & elaboration to add / tweak );

Barnaby being a Comic Relief Character immediately raised so many alarms in my head. I love comic relief characters. They’re always so fucked up in one way or another, and Barnaby is almost certainly SO inauthentic. He’s wearing a comedy mask just as opaque as Wally’s own mask. In everything we’ve seen about him so far he’s either Teaching Wally, wisecracking/joking, or… pretty much nothing else. We got that moment of concern in audio 14-14, but that doesn’t reveal anything beyond genuine care for Wally.

Comedic characters have the best disguises. Their poker faces & ability to deflect is always top tier [and practiced], and just look at comedy-focused actors and entertainers - so many of them have severe issues, either with their mental health or life. From what i’ve observed both in that aspect & with fictional characters, they play it off & work hard to entertain/deflect [one in the same] right up until the end. Sometimes it’s a coping mechanism. Usually it’s both. If they laugh loud enough and make people think they’re lighthearted fools w/ nothing underneath, no one will look any deeper and thus they’re “safe”. 

& I’m a little suspicious that Barnaby’s red/orange/yellow spots aren’t naturally those colors. While yes, he could be (in-universe) designed that way to echo Ms. Beagle, there’s a strong possibility that that’s not it. What if he paints them to feel a connection to her, or it’s a physical manifestation of Barnaby covering up his insecurities/issues - what if it’s part of him striving to convince the world that he is what he paints himself as. 

The laidback funnyguy with a loving mom and not a problem in the world. 

And I mean, Barnaby claims to be a natural blue and I believe him! But the other colors? I’m doubtful

(I was going to include the Cast As Lil Kids Designs in this since Barnaby has all blue spots, but given how early in 2021 it was posted and how there seem to be little discrepancies from the ~official~ designs, I don’t want to provide it as evidence.)

& on the topic of Wally and Barnaby’s relationship being both real and not - disclaimer, this conversation happened before my Updated Thoughts On Them post, so there may be some minor rephrasing here from what I originally said - I’m sure that the relationship started out as inauthentic. Wally was assigned Barnaby as a best friend and technically vice versa, but I don’t doubt for a second that it became real to some extent. Clown wouldn’t treat their relationship outside of “canon” WH stuff the way that he does if they weren’t actually friends. They’ve said that Wally & Barnaby would be friends in every universe (which melts my heart <3 platonic soulmates my beloved <3), so then I have to agree with Riv. what WILL Barnaby do for Wally? I touched on this in the Milk Theory, but especially if Barnaby prides himself on “knowing Wally better than anything else”, what would Barn do to preserve that?

This relates to another conversation we had - Barnaby possibly having abandonment issues. It’s such a choice to have him of all characters be explicitly stated as an orphan. That and while every other Neighbor with a mentioned family have a somewhat large one (Howdy and his gajillion relatives, Julie and her three siblings, Poppy and her crowded tree [note: Eddie has a mentioned mother, but that info is tenuous and who knows if there are other Dears]), Barnaby has also explicitly stated that Ms. Beagle is his only family. That’s it. And farm life can’t be a sociable way to grow up, not with all the chores he must have had and how rural he might have grown up. Barnaby jokes that Home is the “Big Apple”, which could just be a joke - but jokes often come from a place of truth, and Home might be the most populated area Barnaby has lived in. Who’s to say!

Either way, Barnaby was orphaned one way or another, and I don’t doubt that it weighs on him. Especially if  his birth parents really did abandon him. That added to a possible life of loneliness… I wonder if he’s latched onto Wally emotionally, which would hit all the painful places if it turns out that my “Barnaby is more attached to Wally than Wally is to Barnaby” theory has merit. Abandonment issues could also strongly back the apparent walls he’s plastered over with circus tent fabric

Back to Barnaby & Wally: the fact that, at present, Barnaby and Wally seem to have the best disguises / strongest masks. That. looking at 14-14, i suspect that Barnaby is excellent at keeping his up, but as soon as Wally’s mask cracks, so does Barnaby’s. 

And then there’s the side of their dynamic that we could look at - it seems to be a very multifaceted relationship. The way that Barnaby genuinely cares yet in the 00 Halloween audio Wally was left off to the side and Barnaby was just “checking on him” while socializing (then again, this could be part of Barnaby understanding Wally & respecting his space / Wally wanting a break from that socialization). Barnaby is patient with Wally and yet he seems to sometimes treat Wally as his sidekick / let him fade into the background and yet Barnaby kept checking in on Wally during the 14 bug audios (this last one I could tie into the abandonment issues theory). 

Then there’s how Barnaby calls Wally kid & can tend to treat him like one despite both of them being in the same age group. The way that all of this could, in a way, relate to the infantilization of autistic people (no matter how well-meaning or unintentional) & internalized ableism. 

Note: Riv pointed out that Barnaby does seem to be doing the best with what he has, and that this can connect to the Johari Window’s blind spot / unknown. 

I do agree with this wholeheartedly! And I have to mention that - and making a Very educated guess here - the interactions we’ve seen take place in the very late 60s / very early 70s, so Barnaby’s behavior towards Wally is actually pretty fucking stellar given the time period. We can’t expect him to be perfect or do everything / say everything right. That would be boring I think! And one thing I deeply appreciate about the Neighbors & their dynamics is that they feel like real layered people, not cardboard cutouts being perfect caricatures of what people are “supposed” to be like.

Riv also presented this:

We likely are going to reach a point where Wally asks Barnaby something that he can’t / doesn’t want to / won’t answer. And like.. Ok. This is a slight tangent but I swear it’s related! When I first discovered WH and learned the Wally basics, I wondered two things.

Are we going to watch Wally “discover” new emotions? Because he certainly has them. Clown has said that Wally only ever feels happy, and a lot of people took that to mean that Wally can’t feel anything else. I don’t think we should take that answer at face value, because. I mean. Look at the project & creator we’re talking about. Layers, guys. Indirect direct answers. I think that Clown meant that Wally only ever feels happy in the Neighborhood because he has no reason to feel any negative emotion. Everything is as it should be. Until it isn’t - and I think that’s where he’s going to have to struggle with new emotions as he encounters them through new situations/events unfolding as the “story” starts to deteriorate. We’ve actually seen this a little bit - in Wally’s record audios (i believe the chronological second to last?), the way he says “Let Me In” so insistently. That’s definitely not a positive emotion being expressed. 

How will the topic of death be handled - because it will be handled, it’s stated in the project warnings. I was wondering this even before I read the list, because I was presented with a blank slate puppet character and so went “oh fuck, this dude doesn’t know about death, does he?” Obviously I wanted to know how that would go. I want to know how it Will go! 

How would Barnaby explain emotions that Wally doesn’t know how to convey? How would Barnaby explain death in a way that Wally would understand - given that Barnaby (& all the Neighbors sans Wally) knows what death is  - and would Barnaby be willing to explain such a thing? I have a feeling we may find out.

And in a way, I suspect that if none of them know, Wally will find out himself and have to process it without help. But then again, how can something die if it was never really alive in the first place? Unless the death warning relates to human characters… I’m currently assuming it relates to both humans and puppets. 

In conclusion: Barnaby has a carefully fabricated facade, he's doing the best with what he has but it likely won't be enough, and uh. shits fucked!

#AGH I HOPE IM PUTTING THESE POSTS TOGETHER CORRECTLY. #I HAVE TWO DAYS TO WRITE AND POST THEM ALL #but anyway another thing i was wondering in relation to barnaby & wally having an imbalanced relationship was #the possibility of: #howdy < barnaby < wally < home #as in the <[x] character is more important to the [y]< character than [y] is to [x] #because howdy does seem to like barnaby a whole hell of a lot but we don't know if barnaby feels so strongly back #idk. i feel like i might be seeing a little domino line being set up here. and im Nervous <3 #what happens if the first domino falls? who will it be? how hard will it fall. #who's to say if that has any merit i just wanted to mention it! its intriguing to me #(& to be clear since im aware of my laughingstock rep - im not talkin about shippy dominoes) #(i take off the shipping goggles for analysis. howdy can fully cherish barn as a Friend while still being [y]<) #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #i feel like i have more in my brain but. im dealing with minor flu symptoms and im exhausted <3 #today was a Lot <3 #so i'll queue this for around 10 & hopefully I'll be awake & with the next post written for you guys!

[aroaceleovaldez]

I think one of the problems with the HoO characterizations is Rick kind of forgot to give half the cast hobbies and general interests, and maybe like people they know outside of their families and outside of camp, or if he did remember to it rarely gets brought up for most of them, or in the special case of Annabeth - she randomly develops a hobby in weaving for exactly one scene and then never again. Apparently she just knew how to do that, even though it is a skill she has literally never used before nor uses again.

The best examples I can give of this are comparing/contrasting the examples of when we do actually get this with the lack-thereof: Hazel and Frank are good examples. Hazel has hobbies and interests generally unrelated to all her demigod stuff (horses and art) and we see this repeatedly discussed and brought up. She also knows and interacts with people outside of the necessities of her quest/Camp Jupiter or her family - Sammy was her best friend at school and they hung out and stuff! Meanwhile, Frank, as far as we know, doesn’t know anybody outside of his family even though he presumably went to school before Camp Jupiter? His hobby is... archery? That’s the only thing he ever really shows interest in but at the same time it only rarely gets brought up except for him using a bow as his main weapon and the like two instances of noting that Frank had hoped he was an Apollo kid for a little bit. The closest other detail we get to Frank having any other kind of hobby/interest is him mentioning off-hand that he used to play Mythomagic.

Piper and Leo - We can presume that Piper knew Shel before moving to Oklahoma, because Piper used to visit her grandpa often and as far as we know that’s also where Shel lives. But we never see Piper ever mention knowing anyone else in her grandfather’s community. Heck, when she’s introduced we’re basically outright told that she doesn’t interact much at all with any of her classmates outside of necessity, and we don’t even have any confirmation that before Hera’s mind-meddling that she even acknowledged Leo’s existence. Also, Piper has like, exactly zero hobbies. We do not know what Piper does in her free time or what she likes (except vaguely that she has surfed before), only really what she dislikes. Leo at least does have some kind of excuse for not really knowing anybody, and an explicit explanation about why that is the case and how he feels about it. Leo also has a repeatedly referenced interest/hobby in mechanics that’s very core to his character.

Percy and Annabeth? Pre-HoO, they both have plenty of interests and know people outside their general circles! Percy knows kids at school. Annabeth’s general outer social circle is Camp Half-Blood, because she grew up there, but she clearly knows people at camp. She’s also super into architecture! And Percy does a ton of stuff in his free time - he skateboards! He plays basketball! He has two pets he takes care of (Blackjack and Mrs. O’Leary)! Post-HoO he’s on a swim team! But during HoO? Percy’s hobbies just kind of disappear, besides “oh yeah he uh. Does water stuff.” There’s no acknowledgement of like, “Yeah Percy sets up a little basketball hoop on the back of his door on the Argo 2 and shoots trash at it.” Literally anything! And yeah, Annabeth’s architecture interest is somewhat acknowledged, but also like, not really? We at least get some kind of “Yeah, in her spare time she’s usually on her laptop working on stuff” but we also barely get any instances of Annabeth thinking about her friends at camp except for like, Tartarus.

For Jason it at least kind of works because a.) he has amnesia and it’s implied he doesn’t really have close friends at Camp Jupiter besides Reyna, so it figures he only ever really references random other legionaries like, twice. and b.) there is also the heavily implication that Jason doesn’t have hobbies, because his entire life was so focused around his training at Camp Jupiter. This works less with Reyna, but she also kind of has an excuse for not knowing people besides like, her sister and Jason, given she ran away when she was young, Circe’s island was destroyed, and she could have only been at Camp Jupiter for like 3 years maximum at that point. And she’s not exactly the most social character. We also don’t get much indication of her hobbies, besides she also likes horses and it’s heavily implied she likes nature/gardens? Presumably, given we get like, one note of that in HoO, maybe two if you count her living on Circe’s island, and then like one more nod to that in TOA. And we only get her POV chapters in BoO anyways so again, she has some excuses. Coach Hedge also is incredibly bland besides maybe him having a hobby in sports, and... violence? Which definitely does not count. And him lacking any POV chapters doesn’t really help.

I think this is why Nico continually feels like such a strong character, simply because we know what he does in his spare time. We know he knows people outside of the camps (most of those people are gods or ghosts, but he at least knows people) and technically you could argue him knowing about Camp Jupiter between BoTL and TLO counts too. He even references his old neighbor at one point. Obviously, he’s very into Mythomagic, and that comes up a lot because it’s his special interest and is usually also relevant to their quests. He travels a lot, and apparently used to when he was younger as well. We also learn he used to have a special interest about pirates and that apparently may have played into his crush on Percy. Like, all that is so simple and minor but it makes such a difference for how Nico feels as a character. Most of Nico’s stuff though is established in the first series, which definitely helps because the first series was pretty good about giving characters hobbies and maybe some people they know - Annabeth, Percy, and Nico we’ve already covered, but also like, Grover knows other satyrs and is usually practicing music and also we know what foods he likes. Thalia is very into punk culture and music. We know she particularly likes Green Day. We know she knew the Hunters of Artemis before the events of TTC. Rachel's whole thing is that she’s super into art and she has a bunch of connections through her rich family, and she’s basically Percy’s only mortal friend. They have lives!

If you put a protagonist in a room and told them to occupy themselves, you should have an answer for what they do. They should be able to name one person outside their immediate social circle who they are generally friendly with or vaguely know, unless they have a specific reason for that to not be the case. HoO crew needs to occupy their time by themselves, no weaponry, for twenty minutes? Hazel could be drawing, Nico could be organizing his cards, Leo could be tinkering, Annabeth could be working on her laptop, Percy could be trying out little skateboard tricks. Jason, Piper, Frank, and Reyna? What would they be doing?

TOA does actually answer that question for Jason, at least, because we learn that Jason makes tiny dioramas! That’s adorable! Why doesn’t he do that in HoO?! TOA also gives us more depth to Will Solace besides “He’s a medic and does medic things” with telling us that he’s into Star Wars. Like, that’s actually so much information to work with! Thank you! And then we also find out in TOA that Nico’s also kinda into art! We still don’t get anything new for Piper, Frank, or Reyna - besides again one more potential implication that Reyna thinks plants are Pretty Okay, and that nature is Mildly Alright. Like, not even “maybe she keeps a houseplant” territory, all we have is “if she had the option, she might be interested in visiting a flower garden.” But honestly TOA at least gives us something for most of the characters we see. Like at least one thing. Most of the rest of the writing is a mess but at least the characters are mildly interesting.

Anyways, give your characters hobbies, it’s good for them.

#pjo #riordanverse #hoo #heroes of olympus #analysis #long post // #long post #always forget which of those tags i use #congrats to Hazel for being the only protag introduced in HoO with a life #i just would like Piper to have a personality besides disliking things #anyways i think this whole situation is another consequence of Rick not being used to writing large main casts #but it's not impossible! you can totally have huge casts where each character feels like they have a life #i'd actually say HS is a really good example of that - each char is introduced with their personality and a hobby/interest #there's at least 20 major characters but we know the basic outline for ALL OF THEM #also again with this kind of thing - i talk a lot about how Jason's lack of character could absolutely be utilized in interesting ways #and it makes me really sad that we *don't get that!* because it *can* be SO COMPELLING! #a character having a lack of personality can *work* if you actually *do something with it* #HoO never acknowledges that Jason doesn't have. like. a *life.* which is why it doesn't work #if we got any kind of exploration at all into ''hey. jason doesnt have hobbies or interests outside of Being Roman'' #''and he doesnt really have friends besides the argo 2 crew. or even know who he is as a person and what he wants'' #like HEY THAT'S REALLY COMPELLING ACTUALLY! and would be *really* interesting to contrast with his ''perfect'' reputation! #but no. he's just kind of There.

[eliothedud9000]

I AM GOING INSANE OVER THIS CONCEPT ART

LOOK AT THEM LOOKA T THEM LOOK AT THEM OMG SKFNSKNDNEOWJFRJ

i wish they kept leo’s stripes he looks so cool

and then in the other concept arts donnie looks more like he does now but he has the same little spots as this version and i wish they kept those

and mikey had more stickers

but raph looks so tiny in this 😭

the rottmnt concept art is on the turtlepedia website and i very much recommend looking at the concept art on there (raph had eyebrows like donnie at one point and if that doesn’t make you want to check it out idk what will-)

#i really want to write a whole analysis on these designs #and then also some other designs #looking at the others it was really cool to see where they had been influenced by previous iterations #in some i definitely saw a lot of 2012 esque style #and its so interesting to see how they have changed #i really want to write about it #rottmnt #rottmnt concept art #save rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt concept art

[froot-batty]

Just a scribbly little thing I made to play around with some brushes :] The siblings of all time for sure

#tumblr fucking my quality once again <3 #something something stephs attempts to help made her become what eddie was trying to run away from in the first place #something something repeating cycles of violence #i could write a whole analysis on their relationship but i wont because i know nobody wants to read that LMAO #frootverse #stephanie nashton #the spoiler #edward nygma #the riddler #batman #rogues gallery #my art #eyestrain

[rosepompadour]

SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT (1955)

#smiles of a summer night #ingmar bergman #ulla jacobsson #* #i took a whole course on bergman in college (and it was at 8 AM ON A FRIDAY so you know i really wanted it because l o l class on fridays?!) #anyway it was two hours of lecturing and then immediately after you'd go to the screening #imagine sitting in a lecture hall for two hours and then having to sit in a child-size folding chair to watch scenes from a marriage #which is probably my favorite bergman #but it is the longest film e'er made #do admit! #anyway i had to write a critical analysis for this film #and i had to stop myself from starting it with 'so ulla has the most adorable doll house ever and i need it! in this essay i will - '

[obey-me-disaster]

Belphegor's relationship with MC before lesson 16

!! THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM SEASON 1 AND THE FOLLOWING DEVILGRAMS: "Hatred", "Hide and Seek" and "Say his name". !!

This is just a rant about how I see their relationship developed. This is only about what the story shows.

After MC's first meeting with Belphie all the way in lesson 4-12, the game doesn't make it too clear how often they meet or if they even talk about something other than freeing him through the main story, up until lesson 12-19 where he shows up. And even then, they are too busy with arguing and then getting Belphie out of trouble until lesson 16 where he finally kills MC.

The only times they do meet in the main story/hard mode story are in lessons 4-12, where Belphegor lies about who he is, 5-7 where MC confronts him about lying and 5-10 where MC agrees to help him.

This leads to the questions:

1) "Why did MC help him? What did they have to gain from this?"

2) "How come Belphegor warm up to them so fast? Did he see them just as Lilith? Where does his sudden attachement come from."

For the question on nr 1) it can be argued that MC does either for Beel's or Lucifer's sake just from observing the main story.

The only places we clearly see they comunicate outside of planning how to set him free is through the SSR 'Hatred' and the UR 'Hide and Seek' from chapter A.

At the begging of the "Hatred" SSR we can clearly see that MC is telling him about their day at school and how Belphegor laments about the fact the he almost wishes he could go to school, but can't due to being locked in the attic. The Devilgram then goes to show more about how he used to love Lucifer in the past but now can't help but hate him.

While the devilgram doesn't go more into depth about Belphie and MC's meeting, the fact that they meet up whenever MC can sneak into the attic to keep Belphie up with whatever is happening outside goes to show that they did form some sort of relationship.

While this can be easily taken a Belphegor just manipulating MC in order to trust him more, it goes to show that MC did grow some kind of attachement to him, taking time out of their day and risking getting caught by Lucifer just to check on him. This adds to their motivation on freeing the seventh born because they care about him.

Now you may wonder "Ok, so MC has some motive to set Belphegor free related to their relationship with him. But what about his relationship with them? Did he see them just as a tool the whole time?"

That's where the URs "Hide and Seek" and "Say his name" come into play, both being also from chapter A.

In the "Hide and Seek" devilgram Belphegor is having a nightmare about how Lilith is dead and he starts crying because of it when MC finds him.

At first he tries to deny it but he is too emotionally vulnerable/weak to keep up appearances, let alone manipulate MC in this scenario and asks them to stay with him.

He seeks some sort of comfort from MC in his vulnerable moments, which shows that he did warm up to them just a little bit.

Of course there may still be some doubts about "Is that enough to really make him fall for them? He still sees them just as a way to get out and get his revenge." While it's true that his goal didn't simply change just becase of a moment of weakness, it goes to show that he did ended up seeing them as someone that can give him comfort.

And why is that so important? Because it was something only Beelzebub, one of the persons he cares about the most, used to do.

In the "Say his name" devilgram, it's heavily implied that Belphegor trapped both MC and Beelzebub in a nightmare just to check if Beel still remembers him, if his brothers hasn't left him behind.

This can easily go into his fear of being left alone, shown in season 3 and in how frustrated he was when he thought everyone was forgetting about Lilith due to agreeing with the exchange program.

During that story, Beelzebub drops this piece of information about Belphegor:

There was NO ONE but MC to visit him and to keep him company.(Lucifer doesn't count for obvious reasons).

MC is there to keep him company and to be there for him when he is scared and the fact that he lets them when he could easily tell them to leave shows that he grew some attachement to them, even tho it was overshadowed by his want for revenge.

"Ok, so he grew attached to MC for good reasons, why did he have a 180° when he found out that they are Lilith's descendent?" I will admit that the game was rushed at the end and when it came to his redemption arc, but it still made sure to show that Belphegor didn't see MC as Lilith 2.0

1) He tells MC that he loves them for who they are, their connection to Lilith not being taken into account.

2) When the reveal was made, not only did he found out that his reasons for hating humans were not valid, but he also saw MC as proof that Lilith lived a happy life.

This human, who not only freed him and reunited him with his family but was also there for him in some really vulnerable moments, was the proof that his sister lived a happy life as a human. At that point he had no reasons to hate humans any longer.

The game was too rushed when it came to his redemption arc, but his feelings for MC were not out of nowhere. Unfortunately this info is hidden in devilgrams and not the main story/hard mode story. At least, all of these devilgrama are from chapter A and not some time limited event.

Credit to Nee-san on youtube for the 'Hide and Seek' screenshots....I still don't have that card :')

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x mc #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me analysis #this is me procastinating on some headcanons tbh #but it's also a thing I have been wanting to write for a while #FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE TO THIS #i would love to hear other people's opinions on this whole thing #especially that I may be biased..

[godsfavoritescientist]

Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.

I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.

Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?

How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"

And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.

So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.

So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.

And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.

-

And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.

Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.

And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.

So you sail away in a boat together.

And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.

But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.

But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.

You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.

And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-

-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.

You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.

-

And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.

It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.

And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.

#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this #ford pines #ford meta #this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic #godswriting #<- i need to change my writing tag to this #something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with- #-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved #obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to- #-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict #compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him #feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing #its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are #the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours #-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and #-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends' #like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person! #he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words #I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close #so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no #feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of- #-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them. #and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with #-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given #their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds- #-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost- #-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that- #-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would- #-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me #and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.

[ct-multifandom]

What kind of clothes would Mio and Yakko wear outside of school? If you’re reading this and you haven’t played Paranormasight, play it.

#paranormasight #mio kurosuzu #yakko sakazaki #paranormasight the seven mysteries of honjo #art #fan art #peak orange and banana character design #this is the most high effort thing I’ve made in months #studying this art style so hard because it’s already kind of similar to my usual one but cooler so I tried to mix them #I was too *lazy* to write the analysis and thoughts post I wanted to make so I drew a whole fan art instead of course

[amoneki-ramblings]

do you think Kaneki might ever pray with Amon despite not being catholic himself? just sitting next to him mumbling the words as Amon says it because he likes to be with him

speaking of religion, what kind of faith do you think Kaneki would follow? I hc him as an atheist :) but I think you know more about religions than me lol

Ooooh I like that idea a lot actually I have So Many Thoughts (rubs my hands together evilly)

also this is just a sidenote but i know some people may be uncomfortable with religious discussion, so if you are lmk and i'll start tagging it :thumbsup:

I feel like Amon hasn't prayed often in a while because of his past, but he may still on occasion (habit), and may get back into it properly after actually resolving his feelings with the past. At some point Kaneki starts to join him. He doesn't really know How to pray, especially since a lot of it is in silence, he probably just kneels there and silently wishes for safety for his friends, for strength and resolve, etc. etc. But when Amon starts saying the actual prayers out loud he just sits there and listens to him quietly saying them.

At some point Kaneki might start mumbling along with them, he vaguely knows some of the prayers and has heard Amon say them enough times to kind of know them. Amon is surprised when Kaneki starts doing that and it just kind of becomes a Thing; maybe Kaneki even asks Amon to tell him how to pray the rosary since he sees him doing that often as well (when the rosary is prayed in a group there's one person leading that says the first half of most of the prayers and the rest say the other half, and I think it would be interesting with them alternating like that)

While Kaneki isn't catholic himself he finds it reassuring, while it's unlikely to him that there's someone out there that'll actually grant his prayers it's a nice thought, y'know? It's also just very relaxing there, even if it was kind of awkward at first

I think he also finds the sound of Amon praying very relaxing *cough*

I also think Kaneki would be atheist, while he wouldn't completely deny the possibility of there being a god of some sort he also isn't really a follower of any particular belief system (note: ive actually been informed that there is a better term for this, agnostic, which is essentially being neutral lol). I think Amon would know this, and therefore doesn't really know why Kaneki chooses to pray with him despite this, but he figures that Kaneki does have a lot of things he would want to pray for, things he would want to seek forgiveness for, too, and he appreciates that Kaneki is willing to spend time with him like this anyway.

#asks #shewhoeatssand #tokyo ghoul #tg #amoneki #amoneki ramblings #amon koutarou #kaneki ken #Ive never posted a single one of my amoneki fics cuz they're all. incomplete but GOD do i love implementing bible references/verses in them #i end up with like paragraphs of notes listing them in detail because i am. pretentious #i one time looked at a bible verse and thought 'holy shit that's so Amon' and went on a whole mental rant about why it just fits him so Wel #i think i'm normal about this :) (<- not norma #GH. ALSO. EMPTY PRAYER BY NULUT AND 'THERE MUST BE NO MEANING TO MY LIFE' BY TATSUYA KITANI ARE SUCH AMON SONGS #the latter especially the feeling of being abandoned by god and questioning why you're still alive because. trauma. hrngh. #i should go into an unhinged rant about amoneki and lower ones eyes someday the song is speculated to be based off of a work by dazai osamu #about judas n jesus. so it gets my Bias Bonus but also the song is so amoneki. empty prayer is too they're very amoneki for the same reason #i just scrolled up and realized i'm leaving half the post in the tags i'm so embarrassed #I TOLD MYSELF I WOULDN'T WRITE A SUPER LONG RESPONSE AND UMM OOPS #OH YEA UNRELATED BUT ALSO !! you said you wanted to hear my analysis about amon/kaneki's childhood traumas and their parents n stuff #I'll get to it soon ! i am still compiling my thoughts but i am Cooking i swear #thank you for the ask !!

[batlovestomarry]

What do you think of Mastermind as a Tomarry song

i fuck with this hard . ive actually had this song in my head for a while as a tomarry song so im way on board with this . my initial reaction was to assign tom the role of the “singer” (figuratively ofc LMAO) with harry as the muse but it could also certainly go the other way too !!!

#song: mastermind by taylor swift #I WANTED TO WRITE OUT A WHOLE THING with like lyrics and shit but my tumblr is glitching so bad and it took five minutes to type this alone #because of it #sigh #BUT YES #maybe ican do song analysis tomrorow

[kijosakka]

and the thoughts taunt me yet again. its just becoming commonplace at this point to ramble on tumblr before i go to sleep uhhh

theres gotta be like, a liiitle bit of established characterization summed up beyond a mess of multi paragraph behemoth rambling posts in a rb chain to rehash canon properly um,,

^ general idea is of noah knowing chris and chef before TD is even conceptualized and growing up in the industry bc of it, if only ever behind the scenes and watching in < all of the posts are actually more character studies about being Wary of the Cameras than anything else but id like to look at canon if only just to try and puzzle out/outline developments and whatnot.

starting out pre-island and segueing into his little time on island (and still being majorly character study-y):

chris, with TD being a new show and all, has trouble filling out the cast, and being fussy about the specifics of his show, is willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find those three castmates to pad it out. hence; duncan, ezekiel, and noah

^ duncan and ezekiel both did send in audition tapes, while noah did not, (i'd imagine here something about the TD website having everyones audition tapes release once theyre eliminated as 'bonus content'. everyone, of course, except noah.) cause, you know. up until this point hes only ever been known in The Business as 'that snappy but has surprisingly good insight into the Business kid noah who accompanies mclean', but now hes being asked to join this show he wants no part in. hes perfectly willing to help out behind the scenes, wheres hes comfortable, but chris insists -- and eventually, noah gives in.

the caveat is that he goes into the show both knowing about the resort after elimination and hyperaware of the reality tv aspect. and since, in his mind, hes elimination fodder there to make sure they have a full cast roster, he delegates himself a background character and acts as such.

hes not meant to last long, so he singles out some traits and ideas and detaches his person from them. for the length of the entire show, noah knows he wont be a person. he'll be a character made up of one-liners and quips with no character motivations or involvement in any real plotlines, someone who you see how early they get eliminated and you go 'yeah, that makes sense' and then never think about again.

^ and this is very apparent from his first onscreen appearance -- it takes a good minute for the boat to go back and forth picking up contestants even if most of the spare footage is cut, and as people arrive, even if the camp is a disappointment there's a shared sense of wonder about being the people who made it onto the show they all collectively want to be on. they chat and share excited pleasantries and theres a sense of personality that is immediately apparent to their peers because of it -- except for noah. noah has his one back-and-forth with duncan and then lets himself fade into the background from there on out.

and at first, its a kind of deal where its just like 'alright. hes shy, thats alright!!", but then it continues into when theyre all sent off and distinctly off camera. you try to chat with noah, and he gives you a non-answer or a one-liner than would be great for an audience!...if anyone were watching.

the walk up the mountain for the first challenge is much of the same: no input on the speculation about the challenge, just unnerving blankness. his facial expression is unchanging, not like he was unphased by the challenge, but more like he just isnt there for it. like the plot doesnt demand his presence.

again and again the first impression they get of this guy is a weird, offputting uncanny valley sensation. he doesnt come off as a real person, he comes off as robotic and lifeless. and its weird. i'd imagine in terms of character relationships, a lot of characters would be weirded out by him and completely write him off, while some of the nicer would insist on giving him a chance to get used to everything.

the second challenge comes -- he has his whole fake-faceplant thing that hints at something more, but again. hes a collection of ideas, and one of those ideas could just be potential, overridden by his apathy and laziness; two other key ideas.

noah doesnt touch any of the food provided during that second-first-half bit, just stands blankly off to the side like hes being used for background filler. of course he doesnt, the cameras are right there. (does no one else understand that?)

^ [*]awakeathon comes and goes; noah falls asleep, and that's.... it. no scheme, no strategy, he just separates himself physically from the cast by a few feet, and gets cozy to sleep. and then he wakes up. no insight into the character like with, say, courtney or justin. no plotting like heather. just banal averageness. a play to be overlooked.

and what was he to do? there were no real opportunities for any of his 'collection of ideas' to slot in, so he fades into the background and lets everyone else take up the screentime.

[*there is, i imagine, a kind of alternate version of events where the kiss with cody does happen and can be used as further/a more clear incentive for the events of dodgebrawl to happen.

the reason ive cut it here is because just in the context of noah sticking so hard to his hyperawareness, i would imagine he would know of and preemptively try and take measures against any Sleep Shenanigans that may happen, or may even avoid sleeping for longer because of the possibility.]

and then its dodgebrawl; he sees his chance to really flaunt his non-substance. [*]noah hates physical activity, thats one of his main Ideas in his compartmentalized collection. which better challenge to utilize it in than this one? again, hes elimination fodder. as far as he's concerned, this works out perfectly.

[*this would kind of give you a reason to change his lack of athleticism if you so wished. theres an alternate-alternate version of canon keeping this same noahs background that i might post about on here at some point, but in said AU hes more physically adept bc of his past in behind-the-scenes work. whos to say he hasnt helped carry heavy set pieces or ran around during busy hours?

it could serve to be a) self indulgent to some degree, and who doesnt love that, but also b) further alienate him from his cast, where even one of the barest traits he exhibits is just flat out wrong.

or you could just keep it as-is, and alter his attitude towards anything physical while keeping his unathleticism. or it could just be one of his chosen (truthful) traits that he decides fits with his on-screen character. its pretty ambiguous]

he gloats and inserts his quips where he can, the book hes carrying really just there to really sell it -- in terms of the cast and their thoughts, its again strange.

hes saying Words, but theyre Detached from the character and demeanor. hes putting on a performance and hes selling it pretty well, but its still hard to shake how off something seems about it. but noah does sell it and he gets voted off, off to his long vacation stay which he is absolutely looking forward to.

he arrives at the island, he gives his character interview full of non-answers, and then -- well, thats it. or it would've been it had he not noticed the obscene explosion of popularity the show had from its debut. the general public loved it, and you know what happens to shows that people absolutely adore? they get approved for second seasons.

this is the fact that tips noah straight into barring himself from all interpersonal relationships, as he was already wary simply by virtue of them being his castmates --theyre on screen, on set with him. that changes a lot about your dynamic with someone. -- and that he never really knows if theyre being watched on the playa; it is network-owned at the end of the day. so both the uncertainty and 'confirmation' of a second season lead him to avoid the cast entirely. literally.

nobody sees anything of noah beyond flashes in peripherals, disappearing books from the living area, and dirty dishes -- until theyre called for filming of haute camp-ture. and while its obvious to everyone else that theyre treading lightly around him since they, you know, havent seen him at all, noah acts completely unchanged. no acknowledgement of his absence, just the same dynamic with his castmates hes always had on-screen.

afterwards, someone tries to get his attention, to be like 'hey?????', and noah dismisses them extremely flatly. like npc dialogue. and then he disappears again, until i triple dog dare you, which im going to say they just gather everyone outside and let them do their own things until someone spins them and they have to give a dare. noah sits himself on a pool chair in his swim shirt and trunks with a book and Does Not interact with the cast at all.

^ you could spin it where they get a bunch of dares from the contestants individually and just read off from where theyre listed or whatever but this would be a chance to have alternate povs noting exactly what the characters think of noahs separation from everyone

anyway theyre called on the island for the [*]finale between owen and gwen, and he lets himself fade into the background. his work is done, it has been done, and now he just has to wait for what the segue into the inevitable second season is so he can wipe his hands clean of it (or so he thinks)

[*i think it could be written both ways, one where when the cast cheers he cheers and when they scream he screams, or another where despite the frenzied emotions around him, noah remains unaffected.

perhaps it could be used as a kind of 'well even people like zeke and eva are rowdy about this' contrast where either way it comes off as incredibly uncanny; one way, hes showing distinct emotion where he never has before, while never having shown any emotional investment in the winner. and the other way, hes completely detached from the emotions around him, to the point where he acts like its not even happening; his lack of investment in the winner is offputting, esp when compared to very early eliminated contestants who still do care.]

#is this incoherent?? probably #im sure i forgot about sometbing i meant to write about #im realizing how difficult it is to write about canon since this is a very introspective idea #and therefore doesnt require changes to canon until WT #< which i havent fully puzzled out yet #im sure ill rb this with the tddddi special and more about action as an Entity #and maybe ill touch on chef/chris & noah dynamic then?? idk #ik i want to ramble a Whole Lot about noahs dynamics with the wt cast but #since i haven’t figured the plot of it i cant get into it :( #dramaturgyAU #total drama #td noah #character analysis #< ??? whatever #long posts

[midnightrings]

Siena and her opera performances - a short character study

So, I thought I might share a short little analysis of the operas Siena performed, as I’ve not seen anything like this on here before and I’ve spent some time digging into those operas for my fanfics.

I want to post a whole character analysis of Siena at some point, but the operas play an important part in highlighting Siena’s character and her relationship with Anthony, so I thought it might be interesting to dig a bit deeper into those performances. Especially when it comes to a character like her (who barely got any screentime), those few seconds of her performing make a nice addition and add some depth to her character and storyline.

I won't focus much on the opera Siena performs in episode 1 – Gluck’s Iphigénie en Tauride – as it's not as interesting as the other two, because there doesn’t seem to be much of a connection to Siena’s character or her relationship with Anthony per se. Unlike the other operas, the focus in this scene is clearly not on her – she’s mostly just in the background, with two very short closeups, so we see that it’s her that is performing on stage. There is a deleted scene between her and Anthony according to the published script of that episode:

However, while I think that deleted scenes and such can make for interesting footnotes during an analysis/interpretation, I don’t like taking them too much into consideration – after all, there might be a good reason why this was deleted.

So the actual scene we see doesn’t really highlight anything in regards to Siena’s characters besides the fact that she’s an opera singer and that this is one of the only times we see her wear some brighter colors – while she’s on stage, playing a character. The other two operas she performs in episode 3 and 4 are much more focused on her character and storyline, especially her performance of I Capuleti e i Montecchi in 1.03 – this is the only time we see her perform without any of the other cast members present.

However, that’s not the only difference between Iphigénie en Tauride and the other operas. I Capuleti e i Montecchi and Les contes d'Hoffmann are also anachronistic. Iphigénie en Tauride premiered 1779, while I Capuleti e i Montecchi premiered in 1830 and Les contes d'Hoffmann in 1881.

People tend to make fun of historical inaccuracies or dismiss them as mistakes, but most times, anachronism is on purpose. I think it’s safe to assume that everyone working on this has been aware that those operas would not premiere until decades after season 1. The operas were clearly chosen for a reason.

Les contes d'Hoffmann by Jacques Offenbach (1881)

Les contes d’Hoffmann (The Tales of Hoffmann) tells the story of Hoffmann, who choses to give up on love and devotes his life to art and poetry instead. It's based on three short stories by E. T. A. Hoffmann, and some are probably familiar with the movie, but just to roughly summarize (also because there’s some important differences): At the beginning of the story, a prima donna named Stella invites Hoffmann to a meeting in her dressing room after her performance. Before the meeting, Hoffmann recounts his past great loves to his students. The opera consists of three acts, each telling the story of one of Hoffmann’s previous loves. After recollecting his stories of heartbreak, The Muse can convince Hoffmann to give his love to her (poetry) instead of visiting Stella.

There are many parallels to Siena and her relationship with Anthony here. The most obvious one is the prima donna part – Stella represents Siena. While there might not be direct similarities within the story or between Anthony and Hoffmann, the ending to Hoffmann’s story is still in some parts similar to Anthony’s. The opera ends with Hoffmann declaring that he doesn’t want to love anymore – which sounds quite similar to what Anthony says at the end of season 1.

Siena is obviously not performing the entire opera – we only see her sing “Belle nuit, ô nuit d'amour” as the courtesan Giulietta – who tries to fool Hoffmann into falling in love with her.

Storytelling-wise, it obviously does not fit Siena’s story at this point – she is not trying to fool Anthony into falling in love with her, quite the opposite. Though it does work well as a juxtaposition, especially when we see Siena noticing Anthony’s stares and she slips out of her role. There’s a clear contrast here between her performing as a devious courtesan and looking almost flustered as a result of Anthony’s gaze.

And although Siena at that point doesn’t want to seduce Anthony in any way, the piece still beautifully represents the actual scene that takes places here: Anthony longingly staring at her the very moment he recognizes her voice – almost as if under a spell (a very horny spell). Even when Violet tries to distract him, he cannot help but look in Siena’s direction. He’s completely enthralled by her here – similarly to how Hoffmann was enthralled by Giulietta. And similarly, both relationships are doomed to end unhappily.

Adding onto that, this is also the only time that we see Siena on stage where she represents exactly who she is: a courtesan. During the other two performances, she’s wearing bright, pastel gowns – very different from her usual style. The costume she wears here is also different from her usual style, which is fairly plain otherwise – but it does highlight the role she plays within society.

I find it quite interesting that this is the only time we see Anthony and Siena interact with one another during one of her performances – and one of the only times we see them interact in public altogether. This scene clearly shows the class difference between them: Anthony attending a ball as the lord he is, while Siena performs for everyone else’s entertainment, playing a seductive courtesan. They are present at the same place, yet they can’t talk to one another – there is an invisible wall between them which is highlighted by the positions they take within that scene as well as the clothes they wear. Had Siena performed any other part of that opera, she would probably have worn a pretty gown and those differences would not nearly be as noticeable. But she’s performing as a courtesan and as a result, this might be the most visible representation of her and Anthony’s differences and main conflict.

Returning to the actual story of the opera: At the end, Hoffmann explains how his three previous loves – Olympia, Antonia and Giulietta – all represent Stella. They show different aspects of the prima donna: the musician, the young girl and the courtesan. As I said, Stella represents Siena, and so do all of the other characters. In this scene, we see her visually represented as the courtesan. The show highlights this several times, especially during episode 3 when she talks to Genevieve and then later visits the gentlemen’s club and is inviting Simon to join her the next evening. Her need to find a keeper that can protect her and provide for her plays an essential role within her storyline.

Then, she’s obviously also a musician – a good amount of her scenes consist of her performances, and her character is defined by those performances. And, in the end, she’s also a young girl – and the show ensures to highlight that part as well. Through showcasing her vulnerability and emotions, we can see that she is not that different from the other young women in the show, like Daphne and Marina. They are all young, dealing with heartbreak and making decisions to secure their future. And this is in my opinion what sets Bridgerton apart from other stories of its genre. Usually, a character like Siena would only be the musician and courtesan – either sidelined or vilified. The show humanizes her, however, by granting her screentime to show her pain and struggles and even, to some extent, her innocence – which is especially well done during her performance in 1.03.

I Capuleti e i Montecchi by Vincenzo Bellini (1830)

As you can probably guess by the title, I Capuleti e i Montecchi tells the story of Romeo and Juliet. I don’t think there’s a need to summarize the story, and I also think it’s pretty clear why this particular opera was chosen: Romeo and Juliet originated the star-crossed lovers trope – which is the exact trope Siena and Anthony would fall under.

There are many things I love about that scene – it’s just all around a brilliant scene, not just in relation to Siena’s character. Though I will obviously only focus on how it relates to her character here.

The aria Siena performs is “Oh! quante volte” – Juliet waiting for Romeo, begging for him to come for her. It’s quite emotional and allows for Siena’s character to express her own emotions throughout her performance.

First, I adore how beautifully this ties in with the next scene. For one, because it sets up the atmosphere and essence of Siena and Anthony’s relationship – the tragedy of it all. The scene with Anthony in Siena’s dressing room underlines how this is not meant to be a love story with a happy ending, and the performance right before that amplifies this. Their story is doomed to end unhappily. And, similar to Romeo and Juliet, it is not merely a tragic story about love – it’s a story about the dangers of defying societal norms and duties and your own identities within that society.

But the dressing room scene also shows the clear differences between both stories. When Anthony visits her, Siena choses to reject him. She might have been emotional during her performance, but when Anthony showed his face, Siena did not act based on emotions but was very much rational in her words and actions. Because Anthony is not Romeo, and Siena is also not Juliet.

I also love how this performance builds a beautiful contrast to Les contes d'Hoffmann. Instead of a courtesan, Siena is playing an ingenue, wearing a pretty gown and looking all around sweet and innocent.

As the opera is in Italian, Juliet is obviously called Giulietta – just like the courtesan from Les contes d'Hoffmann. I have no idea whether this has been an accident or was done on purpose, but it’s a wonderful parallel. In both operas, she’s playing two very different women who happen to share the same name.

It underlines the differences between both roles but also draws a connection – which is Siena’s character.

By society, Siena is seen as the Giulietta from Les contes d'Hoffmann: the courtesan whose intentions are dubious and malicious. When Siena performs as I Capuleti e i Montecchi’s Giulietta, we can see a more vulnerable side of her as she openly cries on stage. We see her heartbroken and emotional, letting her guard down completely for a moment. In the end, it’s merely a performance. But Siena uses this performance to allow herself vulnerability – a vulnerability she is not usually allowed.

Those different performances do an excellent job at showcasing Siena’s character and also her main conflict and the different roles she plays. The chosen operas add some wonderful depth and insight into her character and I absolutely love how the shows has implemented them.

#bridgerton #siena rosso #anthony x siena #i have so many notes for analyses saved especially about siena #one day i will hopefully post that whole character study #also really want to do an analysis of the parallels between her and daphne and marina during season one #and i kinda want to dig a bit deeper into those operas too #there's definitely a lot more to focus on here #but i always need some time to actually write meta posts because I'm honestly fine just thinking about that stuff for myself #but sharing is fun too and makes for great discussions so i'm trying to post more #meta