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junhanndee · 7 months

Text

the essay / junhan

in the midst of discovering life and growing up, you discover just where you found love.

warnings : fluff!!!!, friends to lovers, mutual pining, neighbors, new girl y/n, high school, college au

while growing up, junhan had always thought he had an idea of love. it was when his mom would make him food every night or when his parents would take him out to eat every birthday. that was love to him, until he met you.

you had came into junhans life as a new neighbor, while you both were preparing for high school and what you thought would be adult hood. he still remembers the first day he saw you carrying a box into your house followed by a string of curse words due to the heaviness of said box.

although he doesn’t remember becoming so close to you that he couldn’t ever imagine spending his time with anybody else.

starting high school out in the beginning is never easy. from the freshman jokes to the stress on the back of all new comers, he could only imagine what it was like for you. new house, new people, new school, just basically new everything.

when he saw you in the hallways looking confused as ever, he couldn’t help but stop to ask if you needed some help, just to discover you were both headed to the homeroom you would both share for the next four years.

ever since that day, you’d became inseparable. staying up late every night talking about what the next day would have in store and what fun things you would do after school. it became a common occurrence to be at his house with his family or vice versa. you just knew that you were so glad to have a friend like him in your life.

around your senior year, things had slightly changed. you of course by now had your own friends and junhan following suit with some new, some old. time with him was seldom but still held the same safe space as it did throughout all the years of highschool so far.

it was one night in particular that you could recall as if it had just happened. junhan was sitting on your bed whilst you were sat at your desk. he had bought a guitar about a year ago to ‘fill the void in his life’ as he likes to say.

junhan had found his passion, guitar. he would stay up until the morning of the next day practicing and practicing just to get a single riff perfect. of course to show you after school or as soon as he could.

this night in particular made your heart move just a little more than it ever had before.

you looked over at junhan to see him playing away on his guitar in his own little world. the way his eyebrows furrowed every time a sour note would ring in the air, his fluffy hair barely reaching the tops of his eyelids, and his white rimmed glasses tipping the bridge of his nose.

you sat there for a bit before you started to think about all the time you shared with him.

the times that he would offer nothing less than a space space to you when you truly needed it, when he would push your hair out of your face when you had studied just slightly enough to cause a ruffle in your hair, and all those times you never realized how thankful you were for somebody like him.

“y/n, you’re staring or you’re blanking which one is it” junhan ask snapping you out of your thoughts

“well, i don’t know where i’m going with this paper and your guitar is just slightly more interesting” you say while motioning for him to scoot over so you could sit criss cross next to him on your bed

“you know, i have a question and i don’t want you to take it weirdly…. i’m just not the best with my words.” you say while glancing over to him to meet his eyes

“you’re making me nervous…. what’s up??” he asks while slightly giggling and putting his guitar down on the floor, moving to face you

“have you ever thought about what love is?” you ask and begin to play with your hands “like i don’t know just like realizing it’s more than what you may think it is?”

“well, if i’m being honest, not really. i think of love and i think about my parents and what they’ve done for me but nothing like in love or romantics” he says while slightly looking to the side

“i think that love can be many things, i was writing about it so that’s why i asked! i’ll add that to my essay if you wouldn’t mind…?” you ask while making your way back to your desk

“oh yeah! that’s fine, but you’ll have to let me read it later!!” he says while beginning to pack his things up

“yeah maybe when we are freshman in college” you say while trying to hold back some nervousness in your tone

“well as long as i get to read it! i’m going to go ahead and go home. early day tomorrow!” he says knowing this week will start graduation week for the both of you.

as he leaves the room, you let a sigh of relief out. junhan didn’t question it but little did he know, your essay was about him. about how love can be found in many things.

that night you realized that love was what you had for junhan. maybe even in a more than friends way even if he didn’t feel the same.

and the same for junhan, ever since that night, he began to think about the same thing you had that very night. he began to slowly realize that maybe he did love you and just maybe love could be found in different places.

with time also came graduation, and with graduation also came college. luckily for you and junhan, you would be both be attending the university in your town to save on college costs and living costs too.

junhan just couldn’t help but think and think about what you had said to him, even in the middle of freshman year.

“hey y/n!!” junhan said to you while walking into your room

“oh hey! did your class end early?” you ask checking the time “wait like super early??”

“well our professor is super sick right now so he decided to cancel class for tonight” junhan said while setting his things down and coming to sit next to you on your bed.

“ohhhh that makes sense….. i mean sucks he’s sick but hey! no class right” you said while playfully hitting his arm and falling back onto your bed which junhan followed.

“you know, you said you’d let me read that essay once we were in college right?” he says while turning his head to look at you

“oh junhan…. i don’t know if i ever have that essay anymore!! plus it was just a dumb essay, nothing really important” you say while finding yourself quite nervous

“i know it’s still on your computer!! i saw your google docs like…. three days ago!! come onnnn y/n i just want to read it.” junhan says while slightly sitting himself up on the edge of your bed.

you ponder for a bit and wonder if you should just come up with an excuse but you decide ultimately it was best to just tell him than him reading a dumb essay about your love discovery.

“jun, can i explain it to you?” you ask while bringing yourself to sit up next to him

“sure!! but i’d still like to read it eventually if you’d let me”

“well, it was about love as you know, and finding love in all sorts of things. but the main point of the essay was to show the love that i had found in…. you.” you say while fidgeting with your fingers.

“just throughout the years, you’ve always been there for me. even in ways i didn’t realize until now. the times where you would stay up with me with flash cards for a test you didn’t even have or the times where i would cry and you would just hold me like you didn’t have more important things to do. that’s love to me jun, and i love you.” you say fighting back all nervousness in your system.

“y/n…..” junhan says while looking at your face

“look i know it’s stupid really, it was just an essay thoug-” you begin to say until you feel a pair of lips pressed against yours

pulling away junhan holds your face in his hands, causing you to make direct eye contact with him.

“oh y/n how much i love and have loved you. i found love in you too….”

“so does this mean i don’t look really stupid right now?” you ask and with a slight giggle junhan is pressing another kiss to your lips as if he hadn’t a minute before.

breaking away from the kids junhan does nothing but reassure you that you’re not stupid and he really couldn’t believe how long it took for you to both see love in each other.

“so when can i read this essay…?”

“JUNHAN!!!!!!!”

#xdinary heroes imagine #xdh imagine #xdinary heroes imagines #xdh x reader #xdinary heroes x reader #xdh imagines #junhan x reader

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the-phantom-author · 6 months

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Building on your stuff plus bringing in lawyer reader, let’s say you’re 24-25 ish and have been dating Hasan since 2021, that’s still years of college before you met him so I just imagine the

“I’ve been working on my career longer than I’ve been with him and no one in a damn court room cares who im dating. I could be dating Barack Obama and that doesn’t affect my ability to fight a case or argue a point. The fact that you equate a woman’s success to a man she didn’t gain that success from is disgusting. The fact that you think Hasan would do that is disgusting. The fact that your opinion as a jury member could be swayed by who a lawyer is dating, is disgusting. And since you wanna treat me like I’m still in highschool I’ll have you know I was 10 times more mature in freshman year then you will ever be.”

And Hasan just being sat there absolutely enamored and in love.

Hasan loves when you are going off one anyone, it's his favorite spectator sport. Especially when it comes to defending your relationship. Like, he's a big man, he can defend himself and you. You being exposed to chat's endless digging into your relationship is one of his biggest worries when it comes to the two of you being public, so seeing you defend yourself so easily always relaxes him. And seeing you defend him at the same time? Makes him melt, he's just in the background 😍🥰🫠🫠🫠😍🥰.

#hasanabi #hasanabi x reader #hasan x reader #hasan #toad

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commaclear · 2 years

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*turns around like an evil business woman, stroking dog bc I’m allergic to cats* ohhoho. So you want me to drop the htid!Schlatt theory, yeah? Well, you’re in for such a mentally ill treat because I have multiple.

To start with my thoughts on our favorite wittle Schlatty watty, it’s pretty implied that home boy is an alcoholic and dilf (derogatory). Double homicide right there. Anyways. I’m betting money that he was the type of guy who peaked in high school and used that to his advantage. Schlatt was probably the President of the debate or stuco club and Quackity was probably some freshman who was struggling to feel validated at home or by close friends. It’s very easy for people with insecurities ti get wrapped up with people who offer the tiniest amount of admiration. (His parents weren’t supportive, but owemji girlypop was like “when he calls me fatty patty😍”)

Sorry, I’m a Quackity apologist, it’s my nature. Back to Schlatt. (I also imagine Schlatt came from money, which was also something that made him appealing to Quackity at a young age. this is relevant I swear) So thanks to peaking in highschool and probably loosing the last shred of youth he had left when Quackity finally broke free from that relationship, Schlatt probably found what kept him young was the aftermath of teen drinking. That buzz was enjoyable back when he was care free and had everything he ever wanted, so why stop now. There comes a point in alcoholism that it fucks up your life so hard that you drink to forget how hard it fucked you until you’ve just been fucked more. (Rip bro. Beer doesn’t use lube *laughtrack*)

When Quackity left him, Schlatt was probably broken. That was the last thing still tying him to being some life of the party highschool kid, and now his sugarpumpkin was getting to be a highschool kid while he was sitting through a college lecture about business with his best friend The Flask™️ since his dad told him to grow up. Speaking of growing up, that’s where our little Tubster begins. I bet Schlatt’s dad wasn’t involved too much with his life other than being a god awful role model, so Q was his only chance at a happily ever after and he destroyed that chance by mimicking his dads shit examples of how to treat your bitch. If I’m right, and Schlatt was expected to follow in his fathers footsteps (like most rich, peak in highschool, stuco kids are) then he probably just forced himself to drop any chance of being happy and upon his first year of working in some shitty office job, he made a fake ass love connection with the receptionist because god forbid the apple fall far from the tree.

Not long after, Schlatt was probably left with a newborn and a woman who no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t love because that just wasn’t him. Now it’s him and a baby and a bottle of bourbon and that’s his life now. All sad. Probably works at his dads office and will inherit the family business. He probably shows up to holiday parties with random girls he convinced he could love short term and he probably treats them just as all the other cooperate douche canoes treat their seventy second wives.

Schlatt mourns the loss of Quackity even if he knows he treated him poorly and did god awful things to him. He’s fully aware of what an awful person he’s been and he tells himself it’s all downhill anyways. He tries to pass these ideas onto Tubbo just like his father did to him, but Tubbo never cared for the Women his dad brought home (they never stayed long) or for the way that their liquor cabinet stayed more stocked than the pantry. They aren’t poor, but Schlatt thinks that means they are happy. He knows his mistakes, but if he has that glass in his hand then the mistakes aren’t there anymore.

Side note

I absolutely imagine that Schlatt had been called into a teacher conference once to talk about his son’s failing math grade, and is now banned from the school because he tried to (drunkenly and forcibly) (ever the charmer, eh?) rekindle something with his ex who was still coping from his fiancé being in a coma.

At some point Schlatt probably said something along the lines of “no one would ever have to know, sugar. Just me and you, like the good times. You remember those, right? I remember them. I wish you would’ve stayed, I never meant to hurt you. I’m a changed man now, baby.” Then there was a pause. “And you’ve changed to by the looks of how well that ass fills those pants.”

Quackity proceeded to press the office call button and make eret deal with this. That night he ordered new pants that were bigger because he hated feeling so objectified again.

Side side note

Wilbur has probably grabbed Quackity’s ass before and not understood why his boyfriend shuts down because Quackity shoved that trauma about as far away as Schlatt tried to shove the term gay back in the closet.

(Also I’m fully aware this isn’t relevant and will most likely never be used in the actual fic. I just like Schlatt because he’s such an interesting character when you take a step back)

honestly I'm so tempted to hit this with the canon stamp bc you are oh so close to completely accurate

very impressive, anon, please take this dusty piece of pink quartz for your efforts

#anons my beloved #hi thirsty im dad

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samanthadalton · 3 years

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Slowly falling (part 3 finale)

And here we are!! last part of the fic, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I ended it just at the end of the pool scene but I know in my version, Nicole is dead so the story would obviously play out different. So in this version, Nicole is actually a vampire and when Kamilah buried her, it helped Nicole not turn feral since Vega fed her his blood before the attack on the castle. So Nicole would obviously come out during the tribunal to back up Vega’s claims in which Adrian would be found guilty and then the gang will break him out and you guys know the rest :)

also i took some lines from the book, bc the pool scene is just too good :))))

slightly NSFW (but quite tame but I’ll tag it as that anyway) also mentions of death

taglist: @cloud9in @alleycat97 @thedaft1 @mrs-avamontjoy @itszdavenport @iamsimpforpoppy @otakufangirl-12 @orisasay @justavampirefan @waterinathermostat @bloodkueen @dimis-yiddies @alexlabhont @thepotatobleh @mara-re @fundamentalromantic

wordcount: 2.5k

Amy wakes up, dazed. Her eyelids feel heavy as she blinks away the last remains of her sleep, wondering when she went to sleep in the first place. As she takes in her surroundings, she sees she’s in Kamilah’s office, laying on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, unsure of where it has come from as the sun begins to set. She rubs her eyes sitting up to see Lily typing away at Kamilah’s desk, looking slightly zombified as her fingers fly over the keyboard.

“Hey Lil?” As if in her own world, Lily continues typing, her eyes never leaving the screen. Amy amplifies her voice louder to capture her attention, “Lily!”

“Huh,” Lily jerks her head up, her concentration breaking. “Hey Ames.” She tiredly rubs at her eyes, shaking her head a little before mustering a small smile, “sleep well?”

Amy yawns a little smiling back, “yeah, this couch is pretty comfy. Thanks for the blanket.”

“Oh that was Kamilah, I haven’t gotten out of this chair since we’ve come back from the gala.” Lily stretches before continuing with her typing, already back in full attention. Amy looks down at the blanket, hugging it closer to her body, feeling a glimmer of something she can’t quite put her finger on.

“So have you found any evidence yet?”

Lily shakes her head, “whatever Vega is hiding, he’s done a damn good job because it’s heavily encrypted, I’ve broken past so many firewalls but it feels like there's millions.” Lily runs hand down her face, “Oh yeah, Kamilah said that if you wanted to clean up she left a key to one of the rooms.” Lily gestures towards the table before refocusing. Amy stands, and swipes the key from the table before making her way to the room to clean up. Once she’s finished taking a shower, Amy chooses a new outfit from the closet and makes her way back to the office.

“Good you’re here.” Kamilah lets her gaze roam Amy’s body for a few seconds before meeting her eyes. Amy can see the fatigueness in her demeanour, how her body is slightly slumped and her hair slightly frizzled.

“Are there any updates?”

Kamilah shakes her head, “not yet. If only Lily could do her job better we could actually get the evidence,” Kamilah retorts, a hint of malice in her tone.

Frustrated Lily slams down on the desk, “hey I’ve been working on this all day. My skills are the best of the best, it’s just Vega’s is better.” Lily, downcast, looks down at the screen, her head spiralling at the sight of the numbers on the screen.

Kamilah sighs heavily, her head hanging low, “I apologize. I’m just frustrated.” Lily musters a small smile and continues typing away on the keyboard but Kamilah stands from her chair and lays her hand over the young vampire’s stopping her, “I think that’s enough.”

“But Adrian-”

“He will know we did our best with the time we had. There are only a couple of hours until the tribunal, it’s inconsequential at this point.”

“But how will we know what Vega is hiding?” Amy interferes.

Kamilah looks at Amy, “we won’t until it’s presented.” Her head turns back to Lily, “I think since you and Amy were at the castle it’s only fitting that you two testify on Adrian’s behalf.”

“Of course,” the girls say simultaneously.

Kamilah gives a satisfied nod, ”we’ll reconvene in an hour, I’m going to go for a swim. Lily you should get some sleep.” Kamilah makes her way to the door but before she leaves she throws her head over her shoulder, her eyes blazing into Amy’s, “and Amy you’re welcome to join me.” Kamilah turns her head and continues walking.

Amy looks in surprise as she whispers to Lily, “what should I do?”

“Girl why are you still here? Go!” Lily shoos Amy out of the door.

Amy trudges up to Kamilah as they wordlessly enter the elevator together. Amy can see a hint of a smile on Kamilah’s lips as they go up to the rooftop. As the doors open, Amy lets out a short gasp. A gorgeous pool lies in the middle of the rooftop, the water glimmering under the moonlight as the stars sparkle overhead.

“Woah, and I thought Adrian’s rooftop restaurant was nice.”

Kamilah merely shrugs her shoulders, “Adrian finds solace in the company of others. I find it in solitude. Swimming here alone, under the stars...it brings me peace.”

Amy cocks her head slightly to look at the other vampire, “but you invited me up here.”

“So I did.” Kamilah replies, Amy waits for something, instead Kamilah paces over to the bar, reaching behind it. She gives Amy a conspiratorial look, “drink?”

“Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Kamilah begins mixing together a concoction of liquor before pouring it into 2 glasses. She hands one of the glasses to Amy before settling down on a lounge chair. Amy assesses the milky white liquid before taking a small sip, she squirms slightly as she coughs slightly, “it’s certainly strong!”

“That’s what makes it good,” Kamilah watches as Amy takes a bigger sip, her features in more control as she enjoys the drink, “It’s Arak. Distilled from anise seed.” Kamilah takes a huge gulp of the drink as she looks out to the sky, while Amy takes a seat on the lounge chair near her.

“Thank you Kamilah.”

“For what?”

Amy shrugs as she gazes off into the distance, her hand swirling the drink in the cup, “everything I guess. For helping Lily, Adrian,” she pauses, “me.”

“Of course, I know Adrian would do the same if he were in my position.”

Amy nods, “knowing him, he probably would.”

Kamilah gives Amy a side glance, looking for something but she can’t quite put her finger on it. When she doesn’t find what she’s searching for, she places her drink down and begins unbuttoning her shirt before sliding it off her body, exposing her smooth toned upper body.

Amy's eyes widen, “oh!” She awkwardly glances away, as Kamilah places her hands on her trousers, smoothly slipping them off. “You’re taking off your clothes. That’s a thing you’re doing.” Amy gulps uneasily, trying her damndest not to make her gawking conspicuous.

“Well I’m not going to swim in my suit,” Kamilah bluntly answers as she enters the swimming pool. She begins swimming a few laps as Amy looks at the water droplets glimmering off of her body, only accentuating her curves more. She stops swimming before looking up at Amy expectedly, “coming?”

Amy pauses momentarily before nodding, “yes,” she hesitantly glances over at Kamilah whose gaze is still burning on her, as she slips off her clothes, folding them neatly onto the chair before she dives into the pool. When she reaches the surface, she slicks back her wet hair, “it’s cold.”

“Is it? I didn’t notice.” Amy turns on her back and floats towards Kamilah who’s already aimlessly floating, together they stare up at the sky, lost in the shimmering of the stars. A few moments later Kamilah breaks the silence, “it’s funny,” when she speaks her usual commanding hilt is gone and replaced with something softer, more resonating with the voice Kamilah used when she was helping Amy after discovering Nicole’s body. “How old are you Amy 23?”

“24,” Amy replies.

Kamilah chuckles, “I remember that age. I thought I knew everything. I thought I’d felt all there was to feel. I imagine you feel the same way.”

Amy gingerly answers, “I guess? I mean I feel like I’ve been through a lot.” Kamilah turns her head to face Amy, and when their eyes meet, the older vampire’s eyes look so deep they almost look bottomless.

“Have you ever been in love?”

The question catches Amy off guard, as she shoots her eyebrows up. “Once.” Kamilah curiously cocks her head as she appraises the tenderness in Amy’s tone. Amy gazes back up to the sky, as if the stars are painted in her eyes, “Christopher. He- he was a childhood friend of mine. Everyone used to always make jokes that we were dating but it wasn’t until we were freshman in highschool when he asked me out.” Amy’s lips quirk up slightly, “I felt like the happiest girl in the world. We both even agreed to go to college in New York. He got into Columbia and I got into NYU.”

“What happened?”

“Our first year in college was the worst.” Amy’s eyes darken, a somber look in her eyes as she recollects, “we agreed to live together while we were in college but we ended up fighting all the time. During our Sophomore year, we agreed to break up. I moved out and ended up moving in with Lily.” Amy lets out an airy laugh, “but that’s a story for another time. Anyway, I was so heartbroken during my college years, I tried moving on but it didn’t feel right. Fast forward to the end of my Junior year and we randomly bumped each other. We got to talking and decided to get back together again. We agreed to take it slow, so I was still living with Lily.”

“Well I’m guessing it didn’t work out.”

“No.” Amy’s eyes glisten with tears as she blinks them away, her voice becomes hoarse as she continues, “a few months after college, Chris, he was- he was walking through the park, and I guess he was attacked by a wild animal but the police found his body torn to pieces.”

Kamilah grimaces, and apologetically reaches out to Amy, and rubs her arm, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Now that I think about it, it wasn’t a wild animal.”

“What do you mean?”

“I keep getting flashbacks to what happened in Marcel’s castle. The bodies, the way they were shredded to pieces I-” Amy cuts herself off, as she swallows down her sobs.

“You think it was a feral?” Kamilah knits her brows together, following suit as Amy pulls herself out of the pool, grabbing a towel to dry herself off.

“I know it is. It’s why I became so triggered I guess, with everything that happened with Nicole. All the memories of his body just came flooding back and I panicked. I-” Amy closes her eyes, taking a slow steadying breath.

“I’m sorry for asking, I did not realise this was a sore subject.”

Amy shakes her head, “it’s not your fault, it’s just hard sometimes. For months I didn’t leave my house and it wasn’t until Lily practically forced me to start being more outgoing. She’s the one who told me to go for the job of Adrian’s assistant.”

“I guess we have to thank her for that.” Kamilah speaks softly, her eyes boring into Amy’s and Amy can see the genuinity behind her eyes.

“So why did you ask about my love life?”

Kamilah presses her lips together in thought, “mere curiosity. It’s been a while since I’ve spent my time with someone with so many attachments. The company of vampires tends to make you jaded. It’s nice to be with someone so uncynical. So open to new possibilities.”

Amy gives Kamilah a small smile, “well you’re welcome for giving you a fresh perspective.” Amy smiles hoping to alleviate the tension a little bit, but the somber look on Kamilah’s face causes her to knit her brows together in thought, huh, she thinks to herself. Maybe Kamilah isn’t as tough as she makes out to be. “Kamilah?”

Kamilah hums, “yes?”

“Doesn’t everyone have someone they’re attached to, I mean without Lily, I don’t know where I would be today.”

Kamilah purses her lips in thought, “no, no they don’t.”

“But you love Adrian.”

“I’m quite fond of him, yes. Which perhaps is an illusion itself, because he reminds me of my brother.”

“But you have loved.”

“Many times.” Kamilah’s face drops, her voice quiet, “and lost. Just as many.” When Amy meets her eyes, she can see the sadness brimming in the surface of them, 2000 years worth of pain and loss just merely breaking the surface.

“2000 years is a long time.”

“It defies imagining.”

“You’re right. I can’t imagine even a small percent of what you’ve seen.”

“And I’ve seen a lot. I’ve watched empires rise and fall. I’ve watched the world transform right in front of me and yet I-” Kamilah presses her lips together in a thin line, a pensive look on her face. Kamilah sharply inhales, “I’ve felt everything that there is to feel, I’ve loved, lost, grieved, but now, I feel like an empty vessel. Just detached from everything.” Kamilah looks away, as Amy watches as she transforms her expression back into her usual icy demeanour, as if the last few minutes did not exist.

“I might not know a lot Kamilah,” Amy takes a step towards the older vampire, “but I know that you are so much more than you think you are.”

“Please,” Kamilah scoffs, but behind the harshness, Amy can see she’s touched by her words.

“I’m serious. You are incredible. I’m purely in awe of you every single moment.”

“You don’t need to fuel my ego, I don’t need your pity.”

“Pity isn’t what I feel at all.”

“Oh? And what do you feel?” And in that moment, Amy can see the earnestness in Kamilah’s words.

“Connection. Admiration,” Amy hesitates for a second, “infatuation.”

Kamilah raises an eyebrow as Amy takes a step closer to her, closing the gap between the two. Wordlessly, Amy tilts her head up, and presses a soft kiss against Kamilah’s lips. When Kamilah doesn’t reciprocate the kiss, she steps back flushed, “I’m sorry.”

Kamilah places her forefinger against Amy’s lips silencing her, “don’t be.”

In her eyes shine conviction as her finger trails down Amy’s body before her hand cups her hip, Kamilah leans down, capturing Amy in a long kiss, the kiss full of ecstasy, driving Amy into a euphoric state. Kamilah kisses Amy harder, her tongue snakes into her mouth, eliciting a small moan from the human. Kamilah groans slightly, her hold on Amy’s waist tightening as she leads her to the lounge chair before pushing Amy flat out on it, covering her body with hers. Kamilah dominates the kiss, her kiss full of passion, as if she’s yearning for the desire it brings her. Her eyes flash red as her knee pressing against Amy’s core, evoking a small moan from the girl. Kamilah smiles devilishly, as Amy’s hips buck against her knee, slowly rubbing trying to gain any friction that will bring her pleasure. Kamilah brings her hand under Amy’s chin and kisses her breathless. Eventually the kiss breaks for the much needed air, and the atmosphere is quiet, but charged with electricity. Kamilah rests her forehead against Amy’s as the human pants heavily, and as their eyes meet, everything feels different.

“We should get going, the tribunal is soon.” Amy swallows heavily and nods, the wind still knocked out of her after the kiss. Kamilah smiles as she climbs off her, and offers her hand for Amy to stand. “Come on.” The women silently make their way to the elevator, but Amy feels different, she feels something that she hasn’t felt since Chris and as she gazes at Kamilah, she can see she feels the same.

#playchoices #BloodBound #bloodbound kamilah #kamilah sayeed #kamilah x mc #hope you guys enjoy!!!!!!

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staywritten · 4 years

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All In│Bang Chan «Chapter TwentyTwo»

Synopsis: After a messy break up your sophomore year, you decided that the best thing for you was to finish off your college career single. You wanted to focus on yourself, grow as a person and finish off your degree strong. There’d be plenty of time for love after college. But after losing your camera you become friends with the seemingly perfect boy that threatens to ruin your plans.

Genre: SocialMedia!AU, College!AU, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut

◄Back «Masterlist» Next►

*Chapter Rated Mature, contains smut

Written Portion of the Chapter Below

It took absolutely everything in Chan to come to your apartment. You invited him but it still felt like he was somehow violating your space. That this was the sole thing he’s been wanting and yet it felt so surreal to get this far. There were only two possible outcomes after he left here. It was either he continued to be someone you allowed in your life or he wasn’t. That in itself was nerve wracking. He took a deep breath before finally knocking on your apartment door.

Momo swung the door open, glaring at him. “Chan.”

“Hi Momo… it’s been a while”

“I honestly could have gone longer without seeing you” she sighed letting him in. “But if you’re here to just break her heart some more, I’ll save you the trouble.”

“I’m not...I’m trying to make things right…” he looked down fiddling with his hoodie sleeves. “I just want her to be happy…”

“I’m serious Chan...I’ve never seen her as happy as she was with you...but I’ve also never seen her so heart broken as she is now…” she pressed her manicured finger into his chest. “Fix this.”

“All I can do is beg for her forgiveness”

“She’s in her room...I’m going to dance practice” Momo grabbed her bag “Good luck”

Chan looked at your door, his hand hovering over it before falling back to his side. He didn’t really know what he was gonna say, his only plan was to answer any question you had and try to be as upfront with his feelings as possible. But he knew in the back of his mind that there was a strong possibility that it just wasn’t going to be enough, that he wasn’t going to be enough and this could be the last conversation he had with you and that in itself terrified him.

After what felt like an eternity the door opened, Chan’s hand falling back down to his side again, never finding the courage to knock. “H-How’d you know I was here?”

“Momo said she was gonna get the door a while ago…”

“Sorry...I got nervous…”

You nodded “It’s ok…” you stepped aside letting him inside your room, and gesturing for him to have a seat on the bed. “We needed to talk...I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you...I just...I wasn’t ready…I needed to organize my thoughts”

“No, I’m sorry. If I had just been upfront about everything this wouldn’t have happened.” he bowed. “I’ll answer anything”

“Chan I ran away from you instead of letting you talk. I’m at least partly to blame” You hugged yourself, gaze falling to the ground.

His eyes widened hearing you can him Chan, it’d been such a while since he heard you say that. It was so unfamiliar off your lips. You were still distancing yourself from him. He nodded “Mistakes were made… I don’t have any excuses to offer you… I’m just trying to be honest...I want to have what we had before...I wanna make you happy again”

“What is Rosie to you…?” You didn’t know if he knew that Rosie reached out to you and gave you her side of the story. After your talk with Rosie, and Changbin you realized they were right. Chan wasn’t the kind of person to purposely hurt you. It did seem like a genuine misunderstanding. Perhaps it was self sabotage, like it was so unbelievable that you were happy in a relationship that the moment something wasn’t perfect you fled. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to everyone that put up with you. You already knew your decision about Chan before he even arrived but you needed to hear him say it.

You needed confirmation.

“Rosie was…” he sighed “No, Rosie is one of my best friends, especially growing up. We met in primary school and were friends all the way until graduation. Sometime during my freshman year of highschool feelings developed and we just kind of ended up dating. We never really had a talk or anything about it, things just progressed naturally. I did like her a lot and at the time I’m sure I could have called it love. There was no reason to break up until graduation. I knew I wanted to move to Seoul, and Felix was gonna join me here in a few years.” He fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie, looking up at you sincerely. “Rosie was gonna stay in Sydney she wanted to be a singer there and already signed to a company”

You nodded taking in his story. “Why didn’t you break up when you moved?”

“I guess we thought we’d make it work? When I first got to Seoul I was overwhelmed, there was culture shock, a huge workload with classes and the swim team. I even had a part time job. I barely even spoke to Rosie, she had a career. We’d talk occasionally but there was never an urgency.” he gave you a small smile. “I don’t think either of us were that invested in our relationship. But when I went back home to see my parents me and Rosie would pick up where we left off, we’d act like a couple again filling each other in on lost time. That kind of thing worked for us.”

“You said before, you guys were on a break… When did you guys decide that?”

“Sometime during my sophomore year I told her I wasn’t able to come home for her birthday and she told me not to worry about that anymore, that she didn’t want to pressure me. She was the one who suggested the break, said there was a guy she was starting to get close to but wasn’t sure if it was more than friendship.” he laughed “It was selfish but we both decided that it was good for us. Honestly neither of us wanted to deal with the guilt from talking with other people but we were cowards and didn’t want to break up properly.”

“How is that fair to anyone? It’s like you have one foot out the door in every relationship… This other person is all in and you guys are just playing with them, because if it doesn’t work out you both had a trump card” you hugged yourself “It’s cruel to date someone and make them think that they’re your number one when they’re actually just on a wait list”

“I know that now… I promise we didn’t think of it like that… We were just trying to spare each other's feelings… I think we both thought the other was in love and the only thing in the way was distance but it was more than that… But you’re right that whole one foot out the door thing...it was the reason why me and Rosie both failed with other people.”

“What are your feelings for her now?”

“She’s still a great friend, we’re both busy with life so we only keep up through instagram. I don’t regret my relationship with her, but I do regret not ending it properly in the beginning. We could have spared a lot of people's feelings. We broke up officially right before I went back to Australia.” he gave you a sheepish smile. “She has a boyfriend that she was hesitant on living with because of the guilt and I’ve never seen her so happy.”

“Does he know about this?”

“When I went to visit her we both talked to him and apologized. It took a little bit but he understood…It was the mistake of two very immature kids who held on to a memory, and ran from our feelings…”

You stood in front of him with a pout on your lips. “Very selfish, immature kids…”

“Very very selfish” he looked up at you and held your fingers, as gently as possible, gauging your reaction. It was the first physical contact he had with you in so long. He missed your warmth, how you felt in his hand. How you immediately calmed his rising anxieties.

“How do you feel about me? Was I just a fling? Was I just another person you were trying out while waiting for Rosie?”

“No...you were never a fling...I never meant to fall so hard...so fast, but I know I love you.” h e looked down at your intertwined fingers, rubbing your hand softly. “The first time I saw you with Hyunjin I thought you were so beautiful… It was only for a moment you were waiting for him outside the gym but i just couldn’t stop thinking about you… When we finally started talking because of your camera i was happy enough… I could be happy with just a friendship, but then I-” he stopped himself to look at you, to gaze in your warm eyes that gave him the courage to continue. “I couldn’t stop imagining you by my side, thinking about you when I went to sleep...You were my first thought when I woke up…I never felt like that before”

Your frown turned into a small pout. All the time lost and heartbreak could have been avoided had you two just communicated better. If your first instinct wasn’t to run,if you didn’t let your past trauma dictate your present. Yugyeom took a lot of things from you. You weren’t going to let your pain from him take away your present happiness anymore. “I love you too” he gently tugged pulling you on his lap and cupping your face, his thumb tracing over your bottom lip.

“I’m so sorry for all the trouble and heartbreak I caused you… You have to know it’s my worst nightmare to hurt you.”

“Don’t do it again…” you whispered against the palm of his hand, leaning into his touch.

“You forgive me?” his voice barely a whisper.

“I’m not gonna hold your past against you. After talking to you...and to Rosie...I’m ready to forgive you. But you have to be all in… No backup plans…no cards up your sleeves” you made him look into your eyes, squishing his face in your small hands.

“I’m all in” He brushed his nose against yours, smiling brightly. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

You laughed and nodded “It almost sounds silly to hear at this point.”

“I’m done with ambiguous relationships” he smirked “I want to be very clear with what we have… Can you say it for me?”

“Yes, Chris. I’ll be your girlfriend” you giggled as he pulled you into a deep kiss, his fingers tangling in your hair.

“I missed you so much…” he mumbled against your lip. “I’m not letting you go again...I promise…” his heart fluttered seeing your smile brighten, he could practically see the sparkle in your eyes. He chuckled as you tried to chase his lips every time he pulled away.

“If you missed me, then kiss me” you pouted in frustration, whining when his lips were always out of touch.

His eyes raked over your face, the little scrunch of your nose, the furrow of your brow, how your pout deepened. His thumb traced your features slowly. “My gorgeous babygirl…” he whispered against your skin.

You couldn't help but feel so exposed as he just stared at you, like he was trying to memorize every feature. It honestly made you feel so vulnerable. “Chris….stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” his smile turned into a playful smirk. “How am I looking at you?”

You caressed his cheek, your eyes softening at his gaze. “Like I’m precious…”

“Because you are…” the moment the words left his mouth he hid his face in your sweater.

“Chris…” you brought his chin up to you, your nails running through his curly hair. “Make love to me…”

He pulled you down with him, rolling on top as he peppered your faces with kisses. His warm fingers running down your side and pushing your night shirt up. “My beautiful girl…” He nipped at your lips, cupping your breast from under your sports bra. You shivered under his touch as he made quick work of your shirt, tossing it behind him. “Stop~” he groaned as you covered your chest, shrinking yourself the moment he took off your bra, leaving you in your panties. “Lemme see”

You huffed pushing him away with one hand. “No, I’m too naked and you’re fully clothed.”

“Then undress me” his voice laced with teasing.

“Close your eyes” you warned, waiting for the moment he closed his eyes before you took off his shirt. Your fingertips lingering for a moment too long on his strong abs. Your eyes watching the slightest movement of his body as he took in a breath. He peaked an eye open to watch you follow the rigids of his abs down toward his belt loop. While working on undoing his belt you looked up from the feeling of being watched. “Hey you’re supposed to-”

He silenced you with a deep kiss, smiling against you. “How could I…” he smiled brightly, placing his hands on top of yours helping you get the belt off. “I don’t wanna miss a second of you…” his expression was just so soft, so gentle. His little butterfly kisses working down your body, as he occasionally stopped just to maintain eye contact with you, making you squirm before you shut your eyes in embarrassment. He chuckled watching you get shy. “God I missed you…” he pressed a kiss against your panties, his tongue teasing you from the outside.

“Chris…” his name a prayer on your lips, only encouraging his teasing.

Slipping your panties down your leg he returned to your core, hooking your thighs over his shoulders

You whimpered feeling his tongue dive in. Your back arching against the mattress “Chris you don’t have to-Ah” you gripped the bedsheets harder.

“I want to…” he gave you the softest puppy dog pout “I want to make you feel good… I want you to only think of me…” his dark eyes watched you, making sure this was ok “May I?”

You nodded, breathlessly giving him permission to continue. From how he held you, to how his tongue flattened against all the right spots you were at his mercy. He made sure to work you over with his fingers, letting you ride out your orgasm. Your vision, blurring from the pleasure.

He left kisses back up your body, his full lips covered in your slick as he kissed you. You deepen the kiss, holding him as close as you could. “I need you…” you begged. “Please Chris…”

“I love you..” he cupped your face before kissing your nose, your cheek, your throat. “You have me Baby girl…” he rubbed himself against you, slowly pushing himself inside. Letting you take him inch by inch, slowly finding his rhythm. He never broke eye contact with you as he moved faster. He spoiled you with sweet kisses as you held on to his shoulders, your nails dragging down his back as you held on to him.

And as much as he brought you immense pleasure while making love to you. The things that really got you were his little giggles when he’d catch your smiles, the way his free hand would always find yours to hold your hand and give you reassurance. How his kisses always managed to taste like watermelon juice.

“I love you so much Christopher…” you whispered between moans, holding his face closer to you, his lips ghosting yours.

He buried his face in your neck, pressing a kiss at the base of your throat. “Please don't’ let me go again…” his hand gripped your intertwined fingers as he reached his climax, you following right behind him. Despite him cumming he continued to pump you a few more times, each one becoming lazier than the last. “Stay with me…” he whispered more so to himself, not intending for you to hear him.

“I’m not going anywhere…” you brought his lips back to yours in a sweet chaste kiss. You two definitely weren’t perfect, and mistakes were made. There was no telling that your relationship was going to be perfect from now on. But some things were worth taking a gamble on. He was worth trying for. You weren’t gonna run away from this one.

To be continued…

That was a lengthy chapter, but thank you guys for being so patient while waiting for the update. I was dealing with a lot of bugs with the app and finally managed to get through it. There’s only two more chapters of this series left

∘Tags List:

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matchasprouts · 3 years

Text

The Walls - Chapter 5

[ whoa! idk how i got this out but uhhhhhhh enjoy ]

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Felix was surprised to be woken up by Greta, three hours after he usually got up no less. Before he could ask why she let him sleep in, she cut him off with the answer. “You looked ready to drop dead yesterday. I figured you needed the extra rest.”

She was right, those extra hours helped dissipate some of the ache in his muscles. “Maybe you should take a break today,” she suggested, readjusting Brahms on her hip. “I know you usually don’t do that, the Heelshires told me that much, but you really need it.”

And then she left, and Felix was left wondering what she meant by that. Until, of course, he caught a look at himself in the vanity mirror.

He looked nothing short of awful. There were deep, dark circles under his eyes from the lack of proper sleep he’d been getting, his eyes themselves were bloodshot, and if he looked closely he could see there was still dirt in his hair.

Not to mention the screaming ache that shot through every muscle in his body, almost making him feel like he was about to collapse.

The last time his body felt and looked like this was in college, and he hated it. He hated looking weak, much less feeling weak. If a break was what it took for him to have the energy to kill someone if needed, then he would take that goddamn break.

Starting with a hot bath to soothe his body and finally get that fucking dirt off of him.

---

He almost died in the bathtub.

Or at least, that’s what he told Greta when he came downstairs with his hair still sopping wet and dripping water everywhere. She seemed concerned for all of two seconds before deciding she simply didn’t care.

What actually happened is that he fell asleep in the bathtub, woke up suddenly to the sound of a child laughing, and freaked himself out. To be fair, he did hit his head on the side of the tub at least twice.

Anyway, Felix wasn’t built for breaks, so instead of relaxing or even just doing something small like playing the piano, he spent his time helping Greta with her chores. Being taller than her, he could reach higher shelves when dusting the bookcase, so he did. When she was occupied with Brahms, he would take over vacuuming or the dishes. He even took to going around and fixing every slightly crooked painting that he was sure had been jostled by the wall thing.

Basically, he was no good at sitting still. Felix was either doing something every second of the day, or he was sleeping. There was just no in between for him.

That is, until there was literally nothing else to be done. It was late afternoon now, the sun was just barely starting to dip past the horizon. Felix was sitting at the piano, playing a soft and somewhat cheerful tune, since Brahms didn’t seem to like the melancholic melodies he knew.

“When did you learn piano?” Greta asked after a while, setting down the book she’d been reading to the doll. The suddenness of the question made Felix’s fingers stutter, hitting a sour note that made him cringe.

“I don’t remember,” he admitted after moving his hands to his lap, so he couldn’t get distracted while playing again. “I imagine it was sometime in my childhood, maybe in highschool? I think I took a class… I’m not sure. My childhood memories are foggy at best.”

At least he was telling the truth. While fresher memories were burned into his head, anything before his freshman year in college was a blank. The only therapist he’d ever seen told him it was repression, due to trauma. Since he couldn’t remember what the trauma was though, they could never work on it.

The only thing he truly remembered was his mother. Soft voiced, a brunette like him, piercing green eyes. She was beautiful. She also had a grip like the devil, and spoke like it too.

To some extent, he was aware that his insecurities came from her. He also knew that she had been… less than supportive when he told her that he was trans, and that it led to probably one of the worst arguments of his life.

Sometimes, when he looked down at his hands, he thought he could still see the bruises her grip had left.

He shook his head, clearing it of the images of her. ‘She’s no longer a concern,’ he reminded himself internally, ‘you took care of that. She’s gone.’

“Oh,” Greta spoke again, snapping him back to reality, “well, that’s too bad. You’re really good at it, you know. You must have been practicing for a long time.”

Right. They were talking about the piano. He mentally scolded himself for getting off track before clearing his throat. “Yeah, I played all through college. Most at frat parties and the like, it’s a great party trick. My hands still cramp up sometimes though. Guess that’ll never stop happening.”

He returned to his playing after that, due to the soft scratching in the wall behind him. Sometimes the thing would let him take a break, but apparently today was not one of those days. He liked that it liked his music, he really did, but it could be so demanding sometimes.

After a little while, it came time for Brahms to be put to bed. After glancing at the clock, Greta stood up with the doll, told Felix good night, and headed upstairs.

Once Felix had finished the song, and confirmed that the thing had taken off, he followed her up.

And, since both were upstairs, neither of them heard the door open. The door they never bothered to lock because no one ever came all the way out here.

Felix had just collapsed face first onto his bed when he heard the thing practically running through the walls, back downstairs. Following that, he heard the familiar sound of the billiard balls hitting each other.

He shot up without a moment’s hesitation, running almost full speed back down the stairs and to the room where the pool table was kept. He almost fell over once there, slamming full force into the doorframe.

There stood a rather greasy looking man with long hair pulled back into a bun, sporting a messy beard. He stared at Felix in confusion, who was glaring so harshly at him that he would be dead if looks could kill.

It wasn’t long before Greta and the doll joined them, interrupting their staring match. “... Cole?” she asked softly, sounding both confused and scared.

Oh? Oh Greta was scared of this man? And he invaded their house?? Oh.

Almost immediately, Felix stood in front of Greta, grabbing one of the pool sticks and holding it up as a make-shift weapon. “You’re not welcome here,” he spat at Cole who, for the most part, seemed unfazed.

Boy was he gonna regret that.

“I don’t even know who you are,” Cole brushed him off, looking around him at Greta again. Felix once again stepped to block him. He accepted this fate, choosing to just speak at Greta. “Greta, babe, you just left without saying anything.”

It was hard to tell, but Felix could feel Greta’s free hand brush up against his back, seemingly grateful to have a shield against the other man. “Getting- getting this job was kind of sudden… and you know we aren’t together anymore…”

Knowing that Cole was an abusive ex made Felix want to kick his ass even more.

Cole took a step toward them, and Felix immediately held the stick up higher, more than ready to take a swing at the bastard. That made him pause, clearly wondering if getting beat up by a gardener was worth it.

“So, where’s the little kid?” Cole asked after a moment of tense silence. Felix glanced back at Greta, silently willing her to ignore him, but she stepped forward anyway and showed him Brahms. Cole laughed, as expected. “No, seriously, where’s the kid?”

“This is Brahms,” Greta said, standing her ground. She and Cole stared at each other for a long moment, before he seemed to accept that she wasn’t joking.

“Well, that makes this easier at least. We’re going home tomorrow. I already bought the plane tickets,” Cole announced, making Greta actually flinch. It was clear she didn’t want to go. Felix’s patience was running thin- he knew he needed to cut this off before he did something rash.

Before either of them could continue their conversation, Felix stepped in. “She’s not going anywhere. She has a job to do, and she will complete it. The Heelshires expect it of her. You’re welcome to stay here for tonight, only because I pity whatever hole you crawled out of, but you will be gone in the morning. Do I make myself clear?”

At least he was smart enough to avoid a confrontation. “Crystal,” Cole replied, putting his hands up in a mock surrender.

“I’ll get him set up. Can you go lay Brahms down?” Greta stepped in again, a hand on Felix’s bicep. He nodded to her, setting down the pool stick and taking Brahms from her. He sent Cole one last glare before heading upstairs.

Normally he’d be able to hear the thing follow him into the bedroom, but not this time. He assumed it was because it was watching over Greta, which he was glad for.

He changed Brahms into his pajamas with shaky hands, trying so hard to contain the rage that threatened to spill over just from Cole’s presence in the house. Another broken fucking rule, and he hadn’t been good enough to stop it.

After tucking Brahms into bed and giving him the obligatory good night kiss, he went back downstairs to check on Greta, only to be stopped by her at the top of the stairs. “Thank you for not doing anything… rash down there,” she told him, looking genuinely grateful.

“Believe me, if there was no consequences in beating him until he was unconscious, I wouldn’t have hesitated,” Felix replied harshly, now turning on his heel and heading back to his room. Greta stood in place for a moment, surprised, before heading into Brahms’s room.

The doll was the only comfort she had at the moment, so she laid down with him, holding him close as she drifted off to sleep.

---

They woke up to Cole yelling downstairs, practically screaming for Greta. When she and Felix got downstairs, the offending asshole grabbed Greta by the arm and yanked her into the room.

“What the fuck is that!?” he yelled, pointing up at something written in red on one of the upper windows,

‘Get Out’. Huh. Clearly the wall thing didn’t like this bitch.

Felix tuned out Cole’s frantic yelling when he noticed Brahms sitting in one of the armchairs, a bag full of dead rats sitting in front of him. Greta noticed it as well, gasping at the sight of the boy and rushing forward to pull him into her arms.

Apparently Cole did not like this.

“Of course all you care about is that fucking doll! He’s not a real boy, Greta!!” he shouted, making both Felix and Greta flinch. “Now you tell me who the hell did this!”

“Brahms did,” Felix cut in, making Cole look sharply at him. He figured he’d rather Cole yell at him over Greta. “He doesn’t like you. You’re an intruder in his home. He was bound to lash out.”

“Oh, so you’re telling me that the fucking DOLL did that?” Cole snapped, taking an aggressive step towards Felix and gaining a low growl in response. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“He’s not,” Greta cut in, her voice shaky. “Brahms… is very creative and- and he doesn’t like you. Not at all.”

Cole glanced between the two of them before letting out a frustrated yell and snatching Brahms from Greta’s arms, despite her protests. “Enough about this stupid doll!”

Before any of them knew it, they were upstairs and in the child’s bedroom. “Put him down Cole!” Greta begged him, staying a safe distance away but clearly wanting to run over to the boy.

Felix, on the other hand, was taking direct action. “Either you put him down, or I make you regret being born,” he threatened, grabbing the closest weapon- a small bat that he jokingly left in Brahms’s room “in case he needed it”.

“You’re not gonna touch me with this fucking thing here,” Cole retorted, holding Brahms up by the leg. He was right, because Felix just stood there, gaze glued on the doll.

Cole began to swing the boy around by the leg when he realized no one was going to do anything, quietly humming to himself. “Maybe… if this thing wasn’t here…” he mused, glancing at Greta.

Felix moved first, lunging for Cole, but he wasn’t fast enough. Not even close. Brahms’s head shattered on the chair before Felix managed to tackle Cole, sending both of them toppling onto the ground.

And then the walls started to shake, freezing both of them. Felix was up in a matter of seconds, truly panicking now. It had seen what had just happened.

And it wasn’t happy.

#story tag: the walls #s/i: felix shaw #brahms heelshire #self ship fic #self shipping #romantic: 🎭👁#self insert #scrap.writing #scrap.ships #chapter 5

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notmydayjob · 4 years

Text

Requited

This is my manifesto of my love for criminal minds and the lovely Dr. Spencer Reid. Also I know some of the ages are a little fucked up but just suspend your disbelief for a second.

Summary: You grew up with Spencer but after meeting again years later due to one of Spencer’s cases you find yourselves rekindling an old friendship and maybe a little more.

Warnings: all the angst you’d expect from a CM episode, and sassy sexy Dr. Reid being adorable.

It’s been five, no- six years since you’ve seen him. You tried not to keep track but that was easier said than done. He was your best friend in Elementary and Highschool but as you both grew up you grew apart as well.

You and Spencer were the most unlikely of friends as kids, the same age but nearly three grades apart. That of course was Spencer’s fault. You met in the third grade after your family moved to Nevada and Spencer was the only kid who was also sitting alone. After a while, you made more friends but none of them were as interesting as Spencer. He could read so fast and he knew so many things and sometimes you could even get him to recite books from beginning to end for you. He asked you things that you’d never really thought about like why the sky is blue or why the grass is green and when you said you didn’t know he’d explain it to you with big confusing words until you’d make him simplify it for you. You weren’t dumb but you weren’t Spencer, and part of you always knew he wouldn’t stick around. When you went to the fourth grade he went to fifth, spent two months there, and then went to sixth. You thought that would be the last time you saw him.

On your first day of Freshman year, you headed to the cafeteria with your friends and when you sat down and looked up you saw a kid your age, with long hair that curled at the ends, and big glasses, and was rapidly flipping through the pages of a book. One of your friends made a snarky comment and the other laughed but you stood up and quickly walked other to the boy, you honestly didn’t know why. Maybe it was because you hadn’t seen him since third grade or maybe it was because he had gotten so handsome in your time apart.

“Spencer?” You said to the boy which made him shoot his head up in confusion. You waited for a second to see if he’d recognize you but after a moment of silence, you continued. “It’s (Y/n), we knew each other in elementary school.”

“Oh, yeah I remember. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you.” He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and smiled up at you. Spencer didn’t really smile that much, not at people at least, but he always smiled at you. You sat down next to him, eager to get caught up.

“I figured you’d be finished with college by now,” You joked which caused him to chuckle softly.

“Next year, I’m a senior now.” He recognized the apprehension in his voice. Even when you were little Spencer got teased a lot for being ahead you couldn’t even imagine what it was like now.

“Are you even human?” You giggled. “What are you even reading that you haven’t read before?”

And so your friendship picked up again, exactly where it left off. Now instead of why the sky was blue, it was theoretical mathematics and physics.

The two of you spent the whole year together, you’d go to the library and he’d finish three books in the time you could finish chapter one, and still, if you were lucky you could get him to read to you. You were there when he got his acceptance letter from Caltech, he was so nervous when opening the email but he’d never admit it. Once you forced him to open the letter and you began to read it but by that time he had already finished it.

“I got in.” He said almost too calmly.

“What?” You gasped. He spun around in his swivel chair and looked up at you with a smile.

“I got in!” He shot up and wrapped his arms around you. You were taken slightly aback at the physical contact. Spencer was a slight germaphobe but you still found opportunities to invade his personal space...respectfully.

And then again he left. The good news was Caltech was only a few hours away, you still saw each other on weekends, sometimes you’d come to visit his dorm and sometimes he’d come back home and visit you. You were also there when he had his mom hospitalized, you both knew it was the best thing to do but it was still hard for him to do. That was the first time you ever saw him cry, not when his dad left although you were sure that he did just never around you. Now Spencer cried, he tried to hide it from you but he couldn’t, you would wrap your arms around his waist and let him lean down to cry onto your shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” He’d say to you after he had calmed himself.

“Why?” You asked as you ran your fingers through his long hair.

“I never want you to see me weak.” He’d always say.

“You’re the strongest person I know.”

As your senior year came to an end this time it was time for you to make the decision, stay, or go. Ultimately you stayed, applied to somewhere local, you didn’t want to admit that it was because Spence was close or because the town reminded you of him but you couldn’t deny it played a role. You hated Las Vegas, it was full of gamblers, pimps, and prostitutes and the heat was terrible. Sometimes Reid would take you to the Strip and you’d watch the people come and go, maybe that’s when he decided he wanted to be a profiler, you could sit there for hours and listen to him get all into people's business. Those were the memories you stayed for.

Your third year was when Spencer left for Virginia, two Ph.D. 's in Math and Engineering, working on a third in Sociology and he chose to go to the FBI Academy. You were so proud of him but your heart broke to watch him get on that plane. You both cried when you said goodbye at the airport.

“I’ll call you every day.” He said, and for a while, he did but after that first night when you stayed up past midnight waiting for him to call but he never did. That was when you realized it would never be the same. You spoke to him every day, every week, every month, once a year, but now six years since he left and you haven’t even spoken to him in five. Until today.

“What the hell is happening?” You asked your boss as you saw a group of men and women going through the files in your office.

“The Feds,” He nodded at the group on the other side of the windows. “They wanted information on a kid you used to work with...David...Dave… the last name started with an O I think.”

“Davies Ortega?” You knew exactly who he meant.

“Yeah, yes! They want everything you have on him, they have a warrant but you weren’t here-”

“Yeah well, I am now.” You sighed as you pushed through your colleagues who were watching with confusion.

“If you wanted to see my files you could have asked nicely.” You said as you came through the door.

“Dr. L/n, I’m SSA Aaron Hotchner with the FBI, were you Davies Ortega’s psychiatrist?” A tall man with dark hair turned to you.

“Yes sir, I was.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “You have a warrant?” A dark-haired woman handed you the paper.

“You got something to hide?” A fit man with dark skin questioned.

“The Ortega’s are a rich white-collar family and the father is the DA, I’m protecting my practice.” You quipped back. “Your warrant says you have the right to the Ortega files and the files you’re going through aren’t those so if you’d please stop invading my client’s privacy I’ll show you what you’re looking for.” Each of them dropped the files they were holding.

“Thank you,” You said and then made your way to your desk, opening the locked cabinet beneath it and pulling out several thick files.

“That much?” The dark-haired woman said. You chuckled softly and then pulled out yet another stack of files.

“That much.” You corrected.

“Ma’am we’re going to have to go through all of this and ask you a series of questions, I think it would be best if we did this at the police station… for privacy.” Agent Hotchner motioned to the crowd around your office.

“I think that’d be best.” You agreed.

The ride to the police station was horribly quiet and incredibly awkward. Luckily though it was very short. You walked through the front doors following Hotchner, you caught a glimpse of Davis’s photo pinned to a board next to the photos of several women dead. You couldn’t make out too much because someone called out your name from behind you, not Dr. L/n but Y/n. You quickly turned to see a tall thin, brown-haired man with his hands awkwardly in his pockets, Spencer.

“Oh my god,” You smiled as you rushed towards him, standing up on your toes, practically jumping and wrapping your arms around him. He wrapped his arms around your waist in return and tucked his face into the crook of your neck.

“The two of you know each other.” An unfamiliar voice said from your left side. You and Spencer jumped apart like two teenagers caught together behind a closed door.

“Uh, yeah,” Spencer spoke up. “We grew up together. We were uh… close.”

“Close, huh?” The blonde-haired woman smirked.

“What are you doing here?” Spencer turned his attention back to you.

“Davies Ortega,” You said simply to gauge his reaction. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, that’s not good.

“You’re his doctor?”

“I was,” You nodded.

“Dr. L/n, we shouldn’t do this here, follow me.” You grinned at Spencer before following Hotchner to a small room with a table and mirror, you were sure it was a window from the other side. You were left alone to fiddle with your thumbs and try to work out what was happening. After about 15 minutes the door opened...and Reid came in.

“I’m surprised you’re allowed to talk to me.” You grinned, that probably didn’t look good because of the circumstances but you couldn’t help it.

“I spent the last ten minutes convincing them that you would tell any of us what we need, but you’d be more comfortable with me, wanna prove me right?” He cocked his head at you.

“Anything for my genius.” Although it had been five years it felt just like you’d been teenagers walking on the strip just yesterday. “You think Davies killed those girls, he’s your unsub.” Spence talked about this stuff all the time even when he was in college, you knew how this worked.

“Yeah,” Spencer spoke softly and nodded. “That doesn’t surprise you?”

“No,” You said hesitantly. “I know this is being recorded, will the parents see?”

“No,” Spencer said, slightly confused. “Are you afraid of them?”

“I’m not afraid.” You said quickly and defensively and he raised his eyebrows at you. “ I told them that Davies needed to be institutionalized and they nearly got me fired. Rich people can do whatever they want no matter if their child is a total sexual sadist.”

“Sexual sadist?” He repeated. “Do you really think he is or are you exaggerating?”

“Oh come on Spence, you don’t need to do that.” You sighed. “I know he’s messed up, you know he’s messed up it doesn’t matter who says it doesn’t change that.” He chuckled slightly, he should have known he couldn’t pull anything without you knowing.

“Why did Davies come to see you?” Reid continued.

“He was adopted when he was six, removed from his birth mother’s custody for neglect. The Ortega’s adopted him not long after, he went from having nothing to anything he wanted, he began to act out and they couldn’t handle that. He killed the family cat too.” You explained. “Even they knew that was a warning sign.”

“Why’d he stop coming?”

“I suggested hospitalization, they didn’t like that so they found a new psychiatrist. No matter where they took him it was the same though. Eventually, they got him institutionalized just last year he turned eighteen and there was nothing they could do. With this kid, it was never a matter of if… it was when.”

“Alright, thank you, we’re gonna need to keep the files for now but you can go soon.” He sighed and stood up to leave.

“Wait, Spencer.” You stopped him. He turned to look at you and it nearly took the breath out of your lungs but you still continued. “You’re about to go to his house right?” He nodded.

“He used to write stories, they’re in my files, he wrote about killing but they all ended the same way. He said before they could take him he would kill as many officers he could before and then himself.”

Reid nodded slowly, understanding that was your way of telling him to be careful. You followed Reid out of the room and he told you to wait with the blonde-haired woman who would clear you to leave.

“My name’s J.J.” She offered you her hand. This wasn’t the introduction of an FBI agent but instead the introduction of a friend of a friend. “Wanna help me go through these files?”

You sat down with J.J. and helped her go through the files, every once and a while she’d ask you about Spencer.

“So were you ever...with… Spencer?” She asked with a hint of suggestion.

“No,” You chuckled. “I had a crush on him when we were teenagers but that was all.”

“Did he feel the same way?” She pushed a little further.

“Spencer is about as transparent as glass, I never got the feeling he did.” You tried to leave as much emotion out of your voice as possible.

“If I’ve learned anything from working with Spencer it’s that he can lie if he has to.” She chuckled.

Not long after you saw Spencer, Hotchner, the agents whose names you learned were David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, and Derek Morgan. They were all rushing out, wearing blue FBI vests, and fully armed. Spencer walked over to you.

“Hotch and the Sheriff said you can go, what are the two of you up to?” He said as he looked at the messy table of papers.

“I’m just helping J.J. with the files.”

“Well, we uh- gotta go.” He held out his last word, you knew he was just as worried he wouldn’t see you again as you were. “When we’re done… I’ll call you. I swear.” You just nodded and wrapped your arms around his waist before once again watching him leave.

“Doctor,” Hotchner called you. “You’re free to go,”

“Yes, sir I know…” You said apprehensively.

“But?”

“I think I’d like to stay until you get back,” Maybe you wanted to know what would happen to Davies, maybe you wanted to make sure Reid was okay, either way, he didn’t ask, he just nodded and left.

You sat there with J.J. for an hour as the team checked out the house and confirmed Davies was inside. J.J. got a message on her radio that they were going in, you both sat quietly at the table holding your breath and waiting for more news. Ten minutes went by before you got the next message.

Shots fired; Federal Officer down.

J.J. clasped her hand over her mouth and put her other over yours reassuringly.

Suspect has been injured and is in the ambulance but should make it.

A small wave of relief washed over you but the words Officer down were still stuck in your head. After about half an hour people began filing into the station, Hotchner, Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan, and finally Reid.

You and J.J. let out a sigh of relief seeing the whole team alive and well. Reid smiled at you, clearly amused by the worry on your face.

“You seem stressed.” He grinned.

“Oh shut up.” You smacked his chest before wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in it. “What about the officer?”

“SWAT got hit in the leg, he'll be fine.”

“I was worried.” You finally admitted before pulling away. “So, when do you guys go home?”

“Tomorrow morning, maybe tonight if Hotch is in a hurry.” He shrugged and you felt his demeanor change. “Y/n… I have to finish up here but afterward, would you want to… I don’t know, hang out?” His hands sat uncomfortably in his front pockets and his shoulders tense.

“Yeah Spence, I’d like that.” You smiled up at him.

“Cool,” He nodded with a proud and yet relieved smile on his face. “Meet me at The Strip...our spot, at 10 o’clock.”

“Of course Dr. Reid.”

“I’ll see you then Dr. L/n.”

The Strip was huge but you knew exactly where he wanted you to meet him, at the corner of the fountains facing the Ferris Wheel. By the time you got there at ten, you saw him leaning against the railing waiting for you.

“You got off early.” You said to alert him that you were there.

“Yeah,” He seemed relieved that you showed up. You stood next to him and leaned onto the railing as well. “I didn’t know you got your doctorate.”

“Yeah, I got my masters and started working but did online courses for my doctorate while I was practicing.” Sometimes you got self-conscious talking about education with Spencer and he seemed to notice.

“That’s impressive.” He said genuinely.

“I never would have done it without you.” You shrugged off his compliment.

“Me?” He turned to face you, his attention now peaked.

“Yeah, I mean...yeah, you always used to talk about Dahmer and Gacy and how fucked up their childhoods were. It just wanted to stop it before it happened but clearly… that didn’t work.”

“Hey,” He placed his hand on your shoulder. Spencer shockingly hadn’t changed much in the six years you’d been apart. His hair was longer than it used to be and much messier and curlier, he dressed slightly different as well. As a teenager, Spencer rarely wore clothes that accommodated his tall but thin stature, and he never quite knew how to style his clothes. Now, his clothes fit well, his long sleeves were rolled up to reveal his forearms and he wore a black sweater vest and a dark blue tie. He looked mature and put together but at the same time, still kind of looked like his mom dressed him for the science fair. His socks still didn’t match.

“That’s not your fault Y/n,” He looked you in the eyes making sure you were really hearing him. “Like you said it was just a matter of when. I talk to these kinds of guys every day, they’re irrational.”

“Yeah… I know.” You sighed heavily. A silence hung in the air, neither of you wanting to talk about the events of the day but not knowing how to proceed.

“So you like Psychiatry?” He said with genuine interest.

“Yeah,” You said unconvincingly, causing him to raise his eyebrows like you. “Well, yes and no. My boss is a total pushover and my co-workers are dramatic and invasive. I like what I do but not necessarily where I do it.”

“So what keeps you here?” He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned all of his weight on his right arm so that he could face you.

“Honestly,” You sighed and looked around, trying to come up with the best answer. “Nothing.” I guess that was easier than expected.

“What about your family?”

“Everyone’s all spread out by now, retired in Florida, the woods in North Dakota, you name it.”

“You hate it here, why have you stayed so long?” Spencer said, obviously confused now. He knew better than anyone that you should have gotten out of Vegas the second you turned 18. “Why did you even go to college here?”

“Cause you were close.” You looked down at your hands, suddenly feeling how long it had been since you’d talked to him.

“You stayed because of me?” His voice softened and was nearly inaudible.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” You looked into the fountain, squinting at the lights shining in your eyes. “We have good memories here, I guess that’s why I stay.”

When you finally looked back up at him he was already staring at you. You were tempted to dart your eyes away but you found it impossible to look away from him. And then faster than anything you’d ever experienced his hand was on the side of your face and lips were on yours. His hand was gentle on the soft skin of your face and it traveled slowly to the back of your neck desperately bringing you closer to him. Your hands rested on his chest, fingers digging into the coarse wool of his sweater in an attempt to keep him there. With one step towards you, he closed the gap between your bodies and pressed you against the railing. You arched your back, pushing your body against him to prevent you from bending back over the railing. Spencer’s other arm wrapped around your waist pulling you impossibly close to him.

The kiss had started slow and unsure but once you reciprocated it became desperate and hungry for what both of you had been wanting since you were teenagers. Spencer’s tongue grazed against your bottom lip requesting entrance which you gladly gave him. Your tongues danced together, not a fight for dominance but a dance between two equals trying to explore every piece of their partner. Spencer’s teeth softly grazed against your bottom lip pulling it between his before he reluctantly pulled his face away from yours but still kept his body pressed against yours. Both of you stood there not daring to move away from each other as you gasped for breath.

“I think I’m ready to leave.” You said between breaths.

“And go where? Virginia?” Spencer was obviously kidding but the way you looked up at him to gauge his reaction showed that you were completely serious. “Oh, Y/n no, you can’t uproot your life for me.”

“Oh come on Spence!” You slipped out from under him getting space to gain some confidence in your argument. “I hate it here, it’s hot, the people are terrible, I’m ready to quit my job after today’s fiasco.” Spencer just shook his head and chuckled, you continued.

“Come on Spence I love the East Coast, the people, the seasons.”

“The seasons? That’s why you want to come?” His smile turned into a proud smirk as he placed his hands on either side of you, pressing you against the railing.

“And good company.” You smiled before pulling him down to meet your lips.

“I missed you so much.” He said between kisses. You went to say something back but before you could Spencer’s phone went off in his pocket. He dropped his head and let out a loud sigh that made you giggle.

“Yeah, Hotch.” He said formally but rolled his eyes and grinned at you. There were a few seconds of silence but you could hear a deep muffled voice through that phone. “Actually, I was planning on staying for a while, I’ll catch my own flight back.” The two men exchanged a few more formalities before Spencer casually put his phone back in his pocket.

“You’re staying?” You looked up at him with a timid smile before he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and leaned his body against yours.

“Well, I gotta help you pack.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #mgg x reader #mgg imagine #mgg #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler imagine

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keanuvibe · 4 years

Text

Professor Reeves (Keanu Reeves x Reader)

A/N: Okay, here it is. The full continuation of the teaser i posted earlier this week :) I'm v excited about this okee. Thank u @keanusreefs for inspiring me, ily<3

Words: 7.0K

Warnings: Swears, Age-gap, SMUT ;), teacher/student (does that need a tag?)

Disclaimer: all characters, places, and people are of my own imagination save for Keanu :) thank you for reading <3

The bell ringing overhead signaled the end of class and the shuffle of students erupted throughout the quiet room. The mild anxiety that came with first day nerves began infecting your veins again, and you took a deep breath standing up. You gave the teacher a nod on the way out, beginning the trek to your final class of the day.

You are a freshman in college, a newbie. However, the catch is: you’re twenty-eight. You started late, leaving highschool with big aspirations didn't turn out like you’d hoped. Being into movies and film since you were a young child, you decided a career in acting was your best option to maybe, eventually, move up in the ranks and get famous. Shortly after high school graduation, you moved to New York and began starring in small plays. Each night you hoped a scout would enter the audience and give you the break you were looking for, but over the years nothing happened. During the day you worked as a bank teller, having started after running out of money. The job was great, and you ended up staying at that location for six years before it got robbed.

You ended up moving back to your home state and with your parents at twenty-six. You were kind of a deadbeat for two years before your parents urged you to take a couple ‘fun’ classes at the local community college; mentioning how the school had a wonderful drama program. Having nothing better to do, you took out a small student loan, got a part-time job as a waitress, and enrolled at Tulip Ridge Community College focusing on Theater and Acting. You chose a few small art classes to fill the first few hours of the day, and a required English course as well, leaving your last class of the day to be Drama.

Luckily, the theater department wasn’t far from English, being that it is the class prior. You made it to the Drama room placed in a large room just off the hallway from the auditorium, greeting a hustle of students. The ages ranged, but for the most part it looked to be teens fresh from highschool. You scanned the room, greeting the over decorated space. Props from previous shows, you assumed at least, littered the painted white brick walls leaving barely any white to show. Long tables with cheap plastic school chairs sat in the middle of the room, parallel to a large prop presidential stand. On the wall behind the stand was the whiteboards with a projector screen pulled down covering the center. You assumed that was where the teacher stood. You didn’t even know their name.

In the back of the room stood a mock carpeted stage. It was most likely the place they either used to practice plays when the auditorium was occupied or sat an audience in when they did more intimate shows with a smaller crowd, like a dine-in show. You did plenty of those with your theater company in New York.

Picking a table that was empty, you quickly hustled to it before anyone else could and sat down in a corner seat. As a couple minutes passed, more rowdy theater kids had filled the room; greeting the others from their summer breaks. Most of the crowd seemed young, however the wonderful thing about community college is there's always going to be older people.

“Hi, I’m June.” A high-pitched tone spoke, catching your attention. Turning your head, you noticed a lady had taken the seat next to your own. She looked older, maybe early thirties. She donned long brunette hair and was dressed as though it was the year 1984.

“Oh, uh, Hi.” You smiled back, holding your hand out to shake instinctively, “I’m (Y/N).”

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” She smiled wide. “Not to pry, but, I haven’t seen you at Tulip Ridge before, are you new?” June seemed like a preppy type, but very vintage.

“Oh, yeah. I’m a freshman.” You responded with a slight chuckle.

“Oh, well, welcome!” The woman responded, cheer evident in her tone. You were about to respond and ask her a few questions, however you were interrupted before you began.

“Good afternoon class, I’m Professor Reeves.” The humble, deep voice of the teacher startled you and you quickly glanced in his direction. Eyes widening, you greeted the sight of the delicious man. He was tall, towering over the presidential podium prop he stood behind. His hair was long and disheveled framing his face perfectly. He donned a dark brown tweed jacket with a soft green button up underneath, however, and unfortunately, you couldn’t see the bottom half.

“Welcome back, how were your breaks?” He asked, looking around the room. Students that seemed to know the man chimed back with colorful answers, prompting the man to laugh. You looked over to June who seemed engaged and intrigued by whatever the man was doing. So, is Professor Reeves the hot teacher of Tulip Ridge? What makes it even worse is he’s the Drama teacher. You’ve always had a weakness for theater boys; probably just the inner thespian in you. You had a few boyfriends back in New York, however their ego’s always tended to get the best of them and you’d have to break things off.

“I see a few new faces in the crowd this year, let’s see,” Professor Reeves’ dark eyes scanned the class once again; eyes connecting with your own. You felt a chill run down your spine as the swarm of dormant butterflies in your tummy rushed to life.

“What’s your name, breaktaking?” You felt your stomach drop as the teacher gestured towards you. A nervous snort escaped your throat and you felt your cheeks gain heat like a house on fire. You could perform in front of hundreds of people; yet the single attention of this one man was eating you alive.

“it’s- it’s (Y/N).” You nervously chuckled in response. The eyes of your classmates didn’t help the heat retaining in your cheeks. June gently patting your back snapped you back to reality and you looked in her direction. She gave you a reassuring nod, humoring the teacher still.

“And what compelled you to pursue acting, (Y/N).” Your name rolling off of Professor Reeves’ tongue made the butterflies excite even more and you cleared your throat in an attempt to brush off some embarrassment.

“Um, well, I’m not exactly new to acting and drama. I’ve been doing this medium since I was seven. After highschool I even performed in New York for a bit, but um, just small shows.” You answered with a shrug, keeping focused on the teacher. The stares from the other students were burning into your skull, but you ignored them.

“So, what’re you doing at Tulip Ridge then?” The teacher pushed, his dark eyes gleaming into your own. He leaned forwards on the podium a little, his attention still burning at you. You sat up in your seat slightly, not really wanting to admit to a room full of strangers that you feel like a loser and deadbeat and are only here because your parents convinced you.

“Well, I-” You paused, “I want to further my education, that’s reason enough. Plus, there’s no better place to start than community college.” Typical answer, but it hides the truth enough, you guess. Professor Reeves’ stare indicated he knew you were hiding something. You kept eye contact long enough before another student spoke up breaking the stare.

The abrupt bell ringing interrupted the movie that was playing on the projector screen. The class erupted as everyone began to gather their things and shuffle out for the day. Shortly after all the new and old students had been introduced, the Professor had quickly jumped into the curriculum for the semester. He went over the syllabus as well as the first project you’d be doing in the class; which is to perform a quick, no longer than three minute, scene from your movie of choice. It has to consist of at least two characters and be school appropriate, obviously. Of course you and your new table mate decided to partner up for the project with high hopes of good scores.

Speaking of the enthusiastic woman, you and June had talked throughout class slowly learning about the other. You discovered that she is thirty-one, works part-time in a bakery and has a four year old son. She isn’t married, but her and her son’s father are on good co-parenting terms. She’s been going to Tulip Ridge for one year now, making this her final year before she moves on to a four year college. She decided to go back to school after her and her son’s father split, leaving her with half an income but a full child to feed.

“Where are you headed after this?” June asked, tossing her long hair over her shoulder and grabbing her backpack.

“Back home, I’m sure my mom will want me to do some chores for her. I’ll research a scene for us and send you a link, as well. How about you?” You smiled at the woman. Being only a couple years younger than June felt nice, as most of your class as previously mentioned is overenthusiastic teenagers.

“You have got to move out, Sugar.” June laughed with a shake of her head. “I’m going to pick up my kid from daycare and spend a few hours with him before work tonight.” You could tell the woman loved her child a lot. Her voice and demeanor always softened at the mention of him. It almost made you feel the rush to be a mother; but you’re still young.

“Trust me, I know.” You responded with a chuckle. Shortly after, June said her goodbyes and excused herself. As she exited with the main crowd, only a few stragglers remained including you. You scanned the room, greeting the sight of Professor Reeves standing by the door saying his goodbyes to the students. You scanned him up and down now, actually being able to see his bottom half.

He was attractive, there was no doubt about that. The man was goofy too, as you’d expect a Drama teacher to act. During class you asked June if she knew anything about him and she actually gave you a quick rundown. Apparently he used to be a famous Hollywood star back in the mid-eighties to nineties. He did quite a few indie films, and one or two blockbusters. He fell off the radar in the year two-thousand after his wife died; resurfacing as a teacher in your rinky-dink hometown seven years later. The catch is, nobody knows his real name; at least locally. He keeps it hidden, only going by as Professor Reeves or Mr. Reeves. The fact you’d never heard of him kind of shocked you, but it really seemed like the fame world had moved on from your teacher. Students somewhat reacted to him, if they were film buffs, but otherwise he seemed like he lived a quiet life.

Your teacher's eyesight meeting your own caused you to stop staring finally. As a hot blush covered your cheeks once again, you quickly focused back down onto your backpack acting as though you were doing things. The room now sounded mostly quiet, and the pad of the Professors shoes echoed louder to your person.

“Miss (Y/N).” The deepness of his voice gave your spine a chill. You shyly looked up, greeting your teacher. Up close he was stunning. Gorgeous dark hair framed his face and dark full eyebrows covered his fierce brown eyes. You, however, were loving his salt and pepper speckled beard.

“Professor Reeves.” You greeted back, swallowing the intimidation. The man towered over your smaller frame, you couldn’t help but want to climb him like a tree (it’s been seven months since you last got laid. Things have gotten heated).

“It’s always refreshing to see new students.” He gave you a small grin. “You said you’ve done shows in New York? What’re you doing back here, superstar?” The man joked. The familiar hot feeling flooded your cheeks and you released a nervous chuckle, quickly casting your eyes to your shoes.

“Well- Like I said earlier: to further my education.” You managed, gathering the courage to make eye contact again. “I could ask you the same. You were a blockbuster star.” When your eyes met, butterflies erupt in your stomach again. What was it about this man that made you so horny and shy at the same time. His eyes narrowed slightly, as though he was saying touche.

“Well, I’d love to see your work some time.” The deep tone in his voice gave you another shiver down your spine as you kept the eye contact.

“I’d love to see yours. And, uh, then I’ll see if I have a copy somewhere. I did Phantom back in New York. Well, I was ensemble, but…” You trailed off, chuckling to cover the nervous feeling.

“Ensemble is the backbone of theater, darling.” Professor Reeves’ hand gently tapped your arm after his comment. You felt the shock of his touch and immediately made eye contact as you did so. The man must’ve felt the same, as his eyes shot to yours as well.

“I-I’d better get going.” You spoke so quietly, quickly shuffling past your teacher. However, you felt his hand linger as you pulled away. You felt as each individual finger dragged against your body before you were out of reach. That’s definitely going to help some tension releasing activities tonight.

It’s been three weeks since the first day and college isn’t too bad, you’ve come to discover. Befriending June was a good option, as you two easily got along being similar in age. You even met her son the other day after school. Plus, your classes are simple too; only taking Art and English credits was a smart decision. Drama had quickly taken place as your favorite class, however. Acting was fun, but your Professor also had taken part in your sway on the choice.

“Alright, we’re going to be doing the quick-minute scenes today, I hope you all came prepared.” The drama teacher's voice settled the rowdy crowd of students as he walked into the room. June slunk back into the chair next to you and you glanced towards the woman. She didn’t have as much performance history as you, she’d mentioned at one of your practices that she was nervous for today. You leaned over and gave her a gentle pat on her shoulder.

“Run over the lines again, it’s gonna be great.” You smiled gently. The woman pulled out the sheet you’d been using to run lines and you saw as she began to mouth the words.

Looking back towards the front of the room, you caught your teacher's eyes. He stood up by the podium, a student clearly trying to converse with him although his eyes seemed fixated towards you. Realizing you were staring in return, he quickly turned his attention back towards the student, consciously adjusting the way he was standing. You bit the inside of your cheek, suppressing the smile that dared to take over and quickly cast your eyes towards the desk again.

The professor quickly got the class into order, quieting everybody down. He stood behind the stand, now facing everybody as they adjusted into their seats. The man shuffled a few papers around before looking back up and tucking some hair behind his ear. You sighed quietly, slinking further into your chair and crossing your legs. Your crush was only getting worse.

“So, before I start calling names, who’d like to present first.” Professor Reeves made a point to look directly at you. You raised your brow, shaking your head ‘No’ slowly. June would die if you two went first anyways. His eyes then moved on, looking at the other groups of students before he clicked his teeth and shrugged, choosing one of the fresh-from-highschool kids.

The kid sighed loudly, tapping his partner on the shoulder and standing up. Professor Reeves pushed the podium out of the way and to the side so the students could stand front and center.The two of them introduced themselves as Travis and Mike before jumping into it. As they started, you easily recognized the scene to be from the third Lord of The Rings installment, when Gandalf gives Pippin the speech about death.

June’s phone sitting on your table vibrated and she quickly picked it up to avoid any more distraction. You glanced over to her, watching her read the text and her expression turn more sour with each word. Furrowing your brow, you scooted your chair closer and quietly whispered.

“What’s wrong?”

The woman didn’t answer right away, instead you could see as her eyes reread the text before she finally seemed to snap to reality.

“M-My son got into trouble at daycare- I need to go. I can’t perform our presentation today.” She seemed annoyed by this but started to collect her things. I guess it was the last class of the day anyways, and you’re sure you can convince Professor Reeves to extend your scene to tomorrow.

“That’s okay. We’ll figure it out, go.” You gave her a reassuring nod and she smiled back. After gathering her things and waiting for the current group to finish, she stood up and quietly made her way to your teacher, asking to be excused. The man seemed to comply as she thanked him and quickly turned to leave, giving you a small wave and smile on the way out the door. You let your smile linger before a quiet sigh escaped.

Class proceeded normally. A few groups went before the Professor ended up calling your name. He clearly saw your partner leave, so what is he planning?

“(Y/N), why don’t you give your presentation?” His deep voice always had some sway over you. But you resisted, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Uh, my partner had an emergency and left.” You spoke, furrowing your brow. Your teacher nodded, acting as though it was new information in front of the class before he looked back at you.

“Well, maybe I can be your partner today. What were you going to perform?” The coy expression that covered his face said all it needed to. You felt the mock anger that covered the romantic feelings you felt made itself present and you let out a sigh before answering.

“Alright, well, we were going to perform an excerpt from ‘Moulin Rouge’, um, right before they burst into ‘Silly Love Songs’. I have a copy of our lines if you want.” As you spoke, you’d already gathered your copy of the sheet and made your way to the front. Ignoring the stares of your classmates was the best way to deal with your nerves, even though their eyes were burning into you like you were a demon and they were holy water. You were about to perform with your teacher, and that needed all of your focus currently. Handing over the sheet, your fingers brushed and an electric feeling coursed through your body starting from your fingertips. It gave a jolt to your heart, stuttering your breath for a moment.

“Um, June was a bit scared to do the minor singing part, so I’ll be playing Christian and you’ll be Satine.” You spoke, first looking towards the Profesor then glancing across the class. A few muttered laughs came from the immature minds humoring at the gender switch. The man let out a low chuckle himself but nodded, holding up the sheet so he could read the lines.

“Christian, I’m a courtesan. I’m paid to make men believe what they want to believe.” Your teacher began, his eyes cast between your reaction and the paper. You quickly got into character, prepared to react.

“Yes. Silly of me, to think y-you could fall in love with someone like me.” You spoke with a sigh, feigning to be sad.

“I can’t fall in love with anyone.” The man responded with a sad chuckle, stepping closer towards your figure. You felt your heartbeat raise slightly.

“Can’t fall in love? But a life without love… That’s terrible!” You lightly exclaimed, leaning into the character more. You and June chose the movie having seen it as young girls and loving the romance of it all. Of course you ended up doing a romantic scene with Professor Reeves.

“No!” The man reacted, “Being on the street, that’s terrible.” His tone suggested he was getting defensive just as Nicole Kidman did playing the line.

“No, love is like oxygen!” You reacted again, stepping towards the man. As you got further into the scene, your nerves began melting away. The second hand feeling that came when you did act was starting to kick in. It's been a while since you last did a show, since you left New York two years ago.

“What?” He spoke, furrowing his brow. You started pacing towards him more.

“Love is a many-splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!” By now, you were in his face, arms spread with determination; just like you’d practiced with June.

“Please, don’t start that again.” Professor Reeves sighed, his hand placing itself on your shoulder and lightly pushing away.

“All you need is love,” You began singing softly, leaning closer to him.

“A girl has got to eat!” He exclaimed, taking a step away.

“All you need is love,” You sang again, a smile overtaking your face. Your teacher stepped back, turning away from you, really leaning into the character. You assumed he’s seen this move before by how well he was acting.

“She’ll end up on the street!” He spoke again, turning to face you again. You got up close again, capturing his hand into your own, your faces positioning closer than they should be.

“All you need is love…” You sang softly to finish off your lines, eyes connecting with your teachers. You hadn't noticed the slight wrinkle around them until now, and couldn't help the endearment that rushed your body.

“Love is just a game.” The professor didn’t sing the part like in the movie; instead he spoke it, but the emotion that line carried still was present. You were getting swept away in the intensity of the scene. His dark brown eyes stared back into your own, hinting his own feelings of lust and want. The sound of someone's chair scraping brought you back to reality and you quickly stepped away to a normal distance. Clearing your throat, you turned towards your classmates and took a quick bow before making your way back towards your table. The burning stare of your teacher's eyes into your back definitely didn’t help.

“Good job (Y/N). I’ll go ahead and give June the credit too.” Professor Reeves spoke as soon as you sat down after the class had finished clapping. You nodded towards him, trying to catch your breath from the whole situation. You wish June were here to witness that, though. She wouldn’t believe it, and to be honest, you could barely believe it either.

The library was surprisingly empty for prime studying hours, then again, it is a Friday afternoon. Most students are probably drunk right now, pregaming for the weekend, anyways. You, however, decided to study for some test in English at the library instead of going home. You didn’t really want to deal with your parents anyways. Ever since you started school, they’ve been more helicopter-y and won’t leave you alone when you’re home. They want to know everything and it’s exhausting. You honestly miss living alone. Your parents are treating you like you’re in high school again, over eleven years ago. No matter, it was nice to escape the insanity with the quiet, always warm because of the broken heater, library.

Plus, the escapism helps with distracting your brain from a certain someone. Ever since your presentation in Drama with Professor Reeves about three and a half weeks ago, you’ve been kind of avoiding him. That happening did nothing to help your crush, in fact it only made it worse. He is so handsome and you just can’t help it. His dark, lengthy hair that he often tucked behind his ear; His dark, fierce and sultry eyes that lured you in every time you caught stares. You, without a doubt, are smitten for a man whose not only an authority-ish figure in your life, but twice your age.

The acting exercises you did in class were not helpful either. You noticed he’d minorly started favoring you to play roles. Of course the students hadn’t caught on yet because he hid his favoritism so well, but you just went along with it. Secretly, you kind of wanted to see how this would play out. It’s been nearly two months since the semester started, and the spark you seemed to have acquired hasn’t fizzled.

“Miss (Y/N)? Not partying?” Professor Reeves spoke behind you. Jumping slightly, you sat up and turned around to look at the man. You already saw him in class today, well, avoided him in class today. This is like a waking nightmare to see him in a safe space. Hiding your feelings, you swallowed before answering. The look on his face was innocent, but you never know what feelings he could be hiding too.

“You scared me,” You commented before continuing, “And, uh, no. It’s not really my scene anymore.” You muttered with a chuckle, turning back towards the table. The echoed footsteps from your teacher indicated he was going to take a seat at the table you currently occupied. Sitting up, you glanced around the library as he did so, but came across nobody.

“Anymore? You look quite young.” He spoke, setting a few books down that he’d had in his grasp. You didn’t notice them before.

“I’m almost thirty, I’m not young.” You commented with a dry chuckle, finally gathering the courage to look at your teacher. He gave you a laugh, prompting you to let a smile break.

“Well, I’m in my mid-fifties so what does that say about how old I am?” He rebuttaled with humor lacing his tone. You finally broke the resistant act and chuckled, looking towards him. He gave you a soft smile in return, enjoying seeing you filled with humor. The man didn’t want to admit that he also had developed some type of emotion for you as well. Since the moment you introduced yourself he knew you were going to be an issue. Not necessarily a bad thing, just a hindrance. He’s seen a lot of students come and go over the years he’s been teaching, but you’re the first one that’s captivated his eye, ever.

“Right, sorry.” You laughed, looking back towards the notes you’d been writing on. The two of you fell into a silence before your teacher spoke up.

“Hey, are you okay? It seems as though you’ve been avoiding me... If I’m overstepping as your teacher let me know-” The deep voice of your teacher has gone quiet, you knew he wanted to keep this private.

“No- No… You’re right.” You cut him off, sighing and rubbing your temple quietly. “I, uh, I have been.” The silence of your teacher caused you to look up at him. It was kind of strange to be having such a candid conversation with this man, though he’s just like any other human on earth.

“Well, may I ask why?” He asked quietly, almost sounding hurt from your choices. You nodded hesitantly before proceeding. Were you about to admit your feelings? Can you even do that? Is it even legal for faculty and students to date? Well, that is if you even date.

“Ever since our... well my presentation… There's been this weird energy between us and I honestly don't know how to react.” Your voice remained quiet as you spoke and your eyes kept pointed towards the table. Though, you could feel Professor Reeves’ eyes boring into the side of your face.

“(Y/N)...” The voice of your teacher caught your attention and you looked up. His eyes glanced around the room before he stood up in one quick motion. The towering height of the man was slightly intimidating, however he leaned over swiftly, capturing your face with both of his hands and connecting your lips.

Fireworks. Explosions. Electricity.

These were all the words you could use to describe the way his lips melded perfectly with your own. His stubble scratched your chin and upper lip so wonderfully and his hands help your face gently.

The man was the first to break the kiss, as you could've stayed there forever. He parted and stayed only an inch or two away from your face, however.

“Wow,” You softly breathed, feeling your body physically relax. A slight giggle escaped your throat as you did so. The man smiled back, gleeful from the event that just occurred.

“I've been wanting to do that since the first day.” He spoke hushedly. You captured his lips once again before quickly shoving your things into your backpack. If things were going to escalate, there was no better time. You cast your eyes up to his, staring through your lashes hinting at the lust you were feeling.

“The drama room, now.” You rushed, standing up and slinging your bag over your shoulder. You felt your teacher's body heat behind your figure as the two of you quickly, but trying their best to remain inconspicuous, made your way across campus to the Arts building.

Your teacher shoved open the door, his hand hooking onto your backpack and pulling you in. He swiftly shoved the door closed and locked it shut, making sure it was actually locked. You quickly rushed towards an old prop couch in the back corner of the room, tossing your bag and jacket off. You heard your teacher's footsteps quickly follow and the heat of his hands as he grabbed your arm, flipping you around and shoving you back onto the couch. You grabbed his jacket, pulling him down on top of your figure as you fell. Your bodies felt electric causing your heart to beat faster.

His eyes glanced down at your chest gazing delightfully at your cleavage. It only gave you confidence as you tangled your fingers into his dark locks, pulling your lips together. His hands then moved and melded firm on your ass, as he didn’t want you to get away. The scratch of his beard only added pain to the pleasure, enhancing the overall experience. Your hands found their way to Professor Reeves’ jeans; slyly unbuckling his belt and with one motion undoing his button as well. Your hand began to explore, finding his member semi hard and still tucked away behind his underwear. You gently began to rub over the cloth, prompting the man to moan quietly into your kiss.

In the meantime, the man's hands found their way to the zipper of your pants, he’d managed to unzip it entirely and then shifted his hands to unclip your bra through your top. You broke the kiss while he sat up slightly and pulled the apparel off, freeing your legs and top, leaving you in panties and a bra.

“Jesus, you are… breathtaking.” He muttered, eyes scanning your figure up and down. You felt the self-conscious feelings start to fill your brain and subconsciously hid your figure. Professor Reeves’ large hands grasped your arm, however, and kept you from hiding your gorgeous body.

The man’s mouth was swift to latch onto the swell of your breast, intending to mark the flesh. His fingers gently latched onto your bra, exposing your breast more. He gently kissed down the skin before his tongue swirled your nipple, occasionally flicking it with the muscle. The sensation only fueled your fire down south, and you quickly gathered the courage to gently slide your hands underneath his underwear. Your hand first met the feeling of pubes as you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock, beginning to pump slowly.

Professor Reeves carefully maneuvered his shirt off his body, tossing it somewhere in the classroom. You admired his body; he was slightly toned on his chest, however his shoulders and arms were more defined. He donned a small patch of chest hair, and a dark happy trail that led to a nice patch of dark pubic hair. His hair was messy, and he combed his fingers through, desperate to remove the strands from his eyes.

The man now stood up on his knees, quickly shucking off his pants and underwear leaving him completely nude. After that, You took the moment to ogle him and come to the reality that you're about to sleep with your teacher. This is a good idea, yeah?

Professor Reeves linked his fingers into the sides of your panties, gliding them down and off your legs all while staring at you through his lashes and fallen hair. Afterwards, his fingers gently made their way to your heat, fingers toying and exploring, eyes gazing you up and down. He bit his lip, as a single digit ran up your slit, hitting your clit at the end of it’s journey. You squirmed and gasped at the sudden sensation, earning a whisper of praise from your teacher. He redid the motion, this time with two fingers. You reacted the same, a squeal and squirm, gripping your hand onto his thigh.

“Darling, so wet for me already.” He commented, voice heavy. “How would you feel I…” He trailed off, slinking down and scooting back until his head came level with your stomach. With the last word escaping his lips, he kissed around your navel, working his way further and further down until a light kiss peppered your clit. Your hands flew to the man's head immediately tangling themselves within his long hair. He took this as an eager invitation, and began to suck your clit with excitement. One of his free hands worked its way up and began to twist your nipple gently. The sensitivity of your body caused you to moan and tighten your grip on the man's hair. His free hand left your nipple and moved down to your vagina. He continued to lick and flick your clit with his tongue as he slowly inserted a single digit. You tightened around his finger, enjoying the feeling of it all as he began to finger you carefully.

“Oh, Professor,” A breathy moan left your lips. The man’s reaction was to finger you faster while he sucked your clit harder. His beard rubbing against your inner thigh felt so wonderful, and you nearly suffocated the man between your legs. The teacher began to move his fingers skillfully. He kept tapping your g-spot as he did so, earning even louder cries of pleasure from you. He could tell you were getting close, as you kept tightening around his fingers and were basically giving him a head massage. He gently pulled them out, and gave one last sweet kiss to your clit before sitting up on his knees again. His dick was now fully hard and he nonchalantly touched himself, scooting closer to your position.

You sat up a little, reaching out to grab his member. Your hand replaced his and you switched positions once again, landing you on top. You moved your hair from your face and leaned your head down so your lips were just above his cock. You gently licked the tip, earning a shudder from the teacher. One of your hands gently rubbed your clit while the other held you up as you sucked the bass player off. Your tongue swirled around his member and you bobbed your head, making sure to keep your mouth as airtight as possible. He kept releasing delightful moans, occasionally letting his hand hold your head or fix your hair. He even used it to guide your bobs, keeping you on beat.

“Oh, love,” The man breathed. You cast your gaze up to his face, making sure to stay within rhythm. His eyes were turned dark from lust as he watched your pretty mouth circle his cock. You then stopped playing with yourself and used that hand to rub him while sucking. His moans only increased and became more frequent with each nod. You finally popped off, finishing with a few kisses around his navel. You wiped the corners of your mouth with a slight grin, sitting back on your knees. The man was only harder now, periodically causing his member to twitch from need. You lazily jerked him with one of your hands as you straddled his lap again, placing you into the cowgirl position. You lined yourself up with him, your entrance just barely touching his tip.

Professor Reeves gently placed his hands onto your hips, guiding you down onto his cock. You instantly moaned; his hard member filled you so perfectly as you sat down on him, giving you the warm feeling deep in your stomach. The man’s hand stayed firm on your hips as he began to help you bounce up and down on his dick. He even began to thrust up, only resulting in his member going deeper and harder in you.

Each ram seemed to make his hard cock find your g-spot perfectly. Your stomach kept twisting with every thrust, getting closer and closer to your orgasm. The teacher kept averting his gaze between your face and breasts while you fucked, enjoying the bounce of your figure. When you were able to, you would look into his eyes showing you how much you were enjoying him.

Professor Reeves surprised you by wrapping his arms tightly around your bum, trapping his cock in your pussy as he lifted and laid you on your back again. He then began to thrust more rapid than you'd ever been handled before. Slaps of sweaty skin echoed around the room but you didn’t care at all in the throes of pleasure. You moaned loudly, the Professor as well, only fueling both of your satisfaction. One of his hands found its way to your clit and he began to rub with his thumb. Swirling sensations began to fill your tummy, prompting louder moans. The deep warm feeling before orgasm began to fill each of your limbs.

“Oh, baby, I’m going to cum.” You moaned, opening your eyes long enough to see your teacher's reaction.

“Darling, cum for me.” He raised his eyebrows in bliss, immediately rubbing your clit faster and harder. In response you tightened around his cock as he thrust, causing the man to close his eyes in pleasure. The pressure was building fast and before you knew it, an orgasm overtook your entire body. You wrapped your legs around the man's back, trapping him deep within you. He let out a pleasure filled gasp as his thrusts became staggard. You could feel his cock throbbing in you as he collapsed and lay with his head snug in your neck. You both lay still, but breathed heavily trying to recover from the incredible orgasm you both just experienced.

Professor Reeves slowly sat up and pulled himself out of you, wincing from how sensitive he was. You felt his hot cum slowly drip out of your pussy, but you didn’t care. The man groaned as he laid down next to you, now both of you laying on the couch, you tucked into his side.

“That was everything I imagined it to be.” The Professor commented after a few moments of silence. You couldn’t help but let a giggle escape as you turned on your side to face the dark haired man.

“I don't even know your name, Professor. You’d think I would've figured it out by now…” You trailed off, studying the man’s face. His eyes caught yours and he let out a short chuckle.

“I keep it hidden… for reasons.” He trailed off, mindlessly playing with a section of your hair.

“June told me you used to be a Hollywood actor. I never did a google deep dive to respect your past and, well, you. I wanted to ask you about it instead.” You cast your eyes towards his chest and mindlessly drew shapes with your fingers.

“It’s Keanu.” His voice was quiet, scanning your face for a reaction. You gave him a soft grin, looking up to meet his gaze.

“That’s a beautiful name.” You spoke in a whisper. He kissed the top of your head as a response, holding your figure tighter. It felt nice to be held by someone again. Keanu was the perfect man for that. Ever since the first day of class he’s made you feel safe. Most encounters with men haven't been pleasant, especially as a female actress.

“So, when are you going to show me the tapes of your shows?” Your teacher's deep voice gave you goosebumps, and you let out a short chuckle, sitting up and reaching for your bra. In the odd chance anyone was the show up, you wanted to be dressed.

“When you show me your movies.” You responded cheekily, eyes turning to give the man a wink. He let out a laugh as his large hand landed on your still exposed back, rubbing gently and avoiding your bra straps.

“I remember a certain lady telling me she started in and has a copy of Phantom, and it was mine.” He smirked, sitting up as well and pulling his clothing back on. You shook your head, laughter leaving your lips.

“How about this, over the course of the semester we…” You paused, eyeing the tall man up and down, “Keep whatever this is going on.” You paused for effect, “And once in a while we’ll watch one of our shows. Deal?” It appeared as though Keanu was thinking for a few moments before he answered.

“Deal.”

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu x you #keanu reeves smut #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves fan fic

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fake-wizard · 3 years

Note

How did you become a trans terf? This is really interesting!

Thank you for this question because I can now delay watching my lectures for like 30 min.

I got tumblr my freshman year, started my deep dive into the realm of tumblr’s lgbtqianpd+++ stuff. I did a bunch of ace discourse as an “inclusionist” then as an “exclusionist”, started iding as nonbinary demiboy, ace/aro, he/they, got a binder i think during the winter of my sophomore year and came out to a couple friends as nb. Went more towards ftm. Started dating my current boyfriend winter of my junior year, told him I was id’ing as ftm (he’s bisexual, didn’t matter) and the rest of my friends, changed my name and pronouns socially. Start of my senior year I told my family and had them change pronouns and name as well. My bday is in October, so turned 18 and was going to start testosterone.

By the winter of that year however, I had been hate-reading a lot of “terf” blogs. And what I found was that I could not argue against what they were saying. I was experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance about it all, repeating the same mantras but knowing they didn’t quite add up.

Specifically about: If sexuality is based on an internal sense of gender, how can you be attracted to anyone until they tell you what gender they are? If a lesbian sees a woman and she says “i’m ftm” does that mean the lesbian is now a bisexual because they were “attracted to a man” or is a switch supposed to flip and they stop being attracted? If sexism is based on “being perceived as a woman/passing as a woman” then why do butches who pass as men still experience sexism? If being gay is about “being perceived as gay in society” then wouldn’t that make all the homosexual couples historically who passed as hetero for safety suddenly become actual literal heteros? If transmen have male privilege, why are they not represented in politics, are targetted for sexual abuse by straight men, and need access to abortion just like women do? If transwomen don’t have male privilege, why are they the main voices of the movement? They can reap all the benefits of a male life for 50 years, and then suddenly none of that mattered? If me and my boyfriend’s relationship is “gay” now that i id’d as ftm, how come we could legally get married and adopt in any country in the world? I was raised being told I Should like and date men, I never once believed my attraction to men was a sin, and gay men experience the Exact Opposite, so how could we both possibly be gay men? Why do transwomen have male patterns of violence? Why have I only ever heard of stories of transwomen abusing transmen, and not the other way around? Is it possible to only be attracted to the same sex? To say no is to say that it’s possible for all women to like dick, which is obviously fucked up. What is so different about a man and a transwoman that means a lesbian is supposed ot like the latter? Why can’t anybody define women? first woman, then female, then afab, the goalpost kept moving. What is there to being a woman besides being female, isn’t all that extra stuff just stereotypes? When my sister is distressed with her body and denied herself food, or I cut myself, that’s a bad thing because it hurts your body, but hrt and a mastectomy hurt your body, they even risk killing you, but that’s okay? I took a sociology class and it’s clear socialization effects behavior - but somehow magically trans people grow up uneffected by it? If socialization can influence women to wear makeup, dress, and act in specific ways that arent’ innate, and cause higher rates of eating disorders, couldn’t it effect dysphoria as well?

And so much more!!!

And that’s only on the trans side - I also had my eyes opened to the horrors of pornography and prostitution, the rates of domestic violence, and all the other terrible sex-based oppression that women are subjected to globally. There is so much more to being a radfem than the trans issues too.

So for two years (winter of my senior year to winter of my college’s high school year) I decided not to transition. I engaged with radfem tumblr and talked about all these things with my female friends in person as well, it was like getting a huge weight off my shoulders too. And it really did help lessen my dysphoria to an extent. I came up with a long list of coping mechanisms to employ for dysphoria as well.

But by this february, I was just so tired of that. I still supported everything I say about radical feminism, about sex based oppression, protecting homosexuals, and the dangers of medical transition. But dysphoria is just this constant painful presence day in and day out, and I pursued medical transition in february. I applaud every woman who chooses not to transition, and ultimately view transitioning as giving in, because I can no longer be a role model to young dysphoric women, who shows them that you don’t need to transition.

At this point, I love my body more than ever and I can’t imagine regretting these changes really. I will miss connecting with women the way I used to, especially as a woman in science, but the women in my life from before transition will always see me as one of them still, and I appreciate that.

The way I see it, words don’t hurt me at all, they are immaterial, and as a scientist I value coherent definitions, and I understand the realities of sex. So my goal with transition is to pass as male in society and to alter the parts of my body that bring me distress - I know i’m not literally male. And I think all trans people need to get to the point where they understand that, it really helps mentally.

And I’ll always think, maybe if i had different friends (half of my friends understand, half think i am or would think i am an evil terf) or was dating a woman instead of a man (i’m bisexual, thought i was hetero in highschool (but called myself a gay man lmao), and dating someone with the same body seems like a big deal in handling dysphoria), if i tried harder with my coping mechanisms, if I saw a therapist who understood all this and didn’t just encourage me to do whatever I wanted, maybe i wouldn’t be transitioning. But I’m happy now, so that’s what I focus on as mattering to me, and that’s what I want to pursue.

I do caution others from doing the same though.

Also tangent at the end here, I call myself “trans” because I’m medically transitioned. To me, “cis v trans” makes no sense and is sexist. But “dysphoric vs not dysphoric” or “medically transitioned vs not medically transitioned” make more sense to me.

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atouchofgreen · 3 years

Text

Weed & Mental Health (adolescent)

Mom and Dad,

In the recent months I have experienced cognitive decline that I attribute to my use of weed cartridges. I started smoking weed cartridges when I was in my senior year of high school, and became addicted. I hated it but for some reason I couldn't stop I smoked daily. Although I took month long breaks often, I continued to smoke in college during my first 2 years. Towards the second semester of sophomore year, I used legal delta 8 carts instead of delta 9 carts. The only negative aspect of using up to my sophomore year was my lack of motivation and any minute cognitive changes went away following abstinence. I should have quit or asked for help. In high-school I asked for help by leaving my stash on the laundry machine and gave a singular puff to mom one time (she thought it was an e-cigg though). In highschool in my AP Chemistry class, I saw a kid at the end of class do a hit from a similar weed cart in front of his friends. It would have been so easy for him to get caught, he was standing up giggling with his back turned but the teacher was on the computer and didn't notice. I recognized then that this kid was so alone with his addiction that he did it in front of his friends at school out of pain and solidarity. He had an expressionless face most of the day and seemed distraught, I knew from the grapevine he smoked a lot. He was like me, addicted, and did a hit in school subconsciously screaming for help. After class I asked coach Jacobs his thoughts on using weed. He said, sitting on his computer desk chair with his hands behind his head, " I think after 25 half a joint does the same damage as having a martini, but before then its really bad for you physically, mentally, and your development as a human being. You should wait until after your brain is fully developed to try anything." I remembered this for the rest of my life. I didnt have the courage to directly ask for help but I needed it and should have asked anyone. I couldn't quit it although I should have had the courage to do so. I tried quitting many times but I was too far down the drain mentally. But now, I am scared for myself. I quit completely following moving jethin in because I was noticing cognitive decline in myself. It was terrible. One morning, I woke up and nothing entered my brain its like I was a zombie. That is why I quit. I hoped I would regain my functionality like before, but to no avail. My iq seems to have dropped 10 points at least. My short term memory has regressed so much that learning new information is difficult for me. Reading is harder and to recall something takes me much longer than before. I have a harder time making long term plans and imagining things. I had a hard time with understanding and expressing English as well though this has been improving. My mind is nothing like it was before. Now, my memory, pattern recognition, recall, imagination, has diminished to a much lower degree. I was fine last year and the year before that, my mental health and cognition were good, but recently it seems like a switch turned off for me. When I walk in the world I don't absorb information the same. I don't abstractify what I am seeing as easily, and my short term memory is really shot. Its like I'm just walking in the world blind deaf and dumb. I am scared I won't be able to pass my classes even though compared to highschool these classes are an absolute breeze relatively speaking to when my brain was sober. I can't do quick calculations anymore and I am acutely aware that my senses are just senses. Seeing touching hearing are just that, I can't calculate the same way i used to to create a coherent experience of what's going on around me. I don't have appreciation for life anymore. I am telling you all of this now because i have really experienced cognitive decline and I am extremely depressed, unhappy, and anxious. I am afraid that my prefrontal cortex and hippocampus is permanently damaged. Weirdly, I've had a dull ache in my head ever since I've quit, in the middle and front of my brain, that's been getting slightly better with time. The slight discomfort or pain is always there its terrible. It also gets better temporarily when I cry, meditate, or sleep for an extended period. I hope that after a few months this dull pain would subside and my mental capabilities would return. Even my dreams are less complex and have less emotion. All of this is what I talked to that therapist about. It's not like I am sad ALL of the time, but a lot of it. But I am pretty sure my mind will never be what it was before. I experienced life to its fullest extent while I was not using any drugs, and now that I've been sober for 2 months now and my mind is not returning close to what it was. I still feel like a zombie when exercising, and I develop a deep sense of sadness right after I work out because i recognize my short term memory and mental capability are weakened which makes it hard for me to make good memories and I get anxious about my future. I am pretty emotionless, even fear is hard for me to experience. When I am unhappy, at times I break out into a sob, but because my emotions have dulled probably from the weed, I only start to sob momentarily and then return to a face of stoicism. This makes it hard to achieve catharsis for my sadness and it gets bottled up inside. I don't really mind the mental health difficulties from quitting weed - that can pass over time with proper behavior - but it's the cognitive difficulties that makes me afraid. I am afraid that I will never be able to view the world the same way that I used to before weed. I am afraid that I won't be able to become a doctor unless my brain heals over time. I have read many studies about the use of marijuana during adolescents. Although there is conflicting research, my experience suggests the worst for me - that what I am experiencing may be permanent. I also read that smoking weed during adolescence can delay prefrontal cortex maturation, meaning I would never be able to absorb information and process it the same way ever again. If only I had read the dangers of early marijuana use earlier and understood I would have quit immediately. It is entirely my fault my life is like this now, I was too weak. Both of you have given me everything and helped me the most you could. Especially Dad. Dad, I feel so bad because you have lowered your expectations of me so much. If I hadn't started smoking, I know I would be a completely different person. Mom and Dad, I have been thinking about committing suicide for some time. I've been thinking about it at least once a day actually for a few months. Its not that I think life and the world is terrible and bad, I actually think the opposite. Before smoking I loved life and loved myself. I could feel the world like a thumping heartbeat or a quivering harp playing soulful music. I feel like killing myself because my current and future experiences will be inorganic. My brain structure/chemistry probably changed forever and I don't want to live with this brain anymore. I cant understand everything going on around me thus I can never understand the world the same way like I used to. I feel like i can't learn new things, everything I do now is because I am just accessing what I learned before starting to smoke weed and during freshman and sophomore year of college. My emotions have waned. I can't calculate complex things anymore and put it into context sufficiently. I can't move my body and think strongly at the same time. Right now, meditation and thinking about my long term memory is my only friend. My short term memory is shot which affects my learning and ability to make meaningful experiences or connections. It's like I have pseudodementia though not as bad. The only joy I get is accessing my long term memory and talking long walks in places and with people that used to bring me joy. I loved Turkey so much and the time we spent I go there in my head all of the time. I love Africa, I love India, I loved my friends at swimming and during highschool. But if that's all I am living for I don't know what the point is. I curse myself everyday for making the mistake of smoking weed or not quitting when I could have. I could've become a beautiful person had I continued developing normally. I am so sorry for being a bad son. I am so sorry that you came from India to America to have a child that fucked up like me. I am sorry for the stress this places on both of you. You both did nothing wrong in raising me, I just fucked up. I am sorry for how this may affect your work dad. And I am sorry for being a liability for the family. While I am drowning I don't want you both to drown with me. Maybe I can get a job somewhere or go into the military. At this point cognitively, unless my brain is capable of rewiring itself (maybe that's what the dull persistent ache is in my head) I don't think I can learn the information necessary to safefully treat patients. My therapist said it would take 3-4 months to a year to feel normal again but I don't know what I will do if I can't return to baseline. I used to live with such a thirst for life and understanding but if that doesn't return I feel like I am dragging life down and owe it to my memory of what life was before weed to take my own. Currently my plan is to wait a year and a few months before seriously thinking of committing suicide if I don't heal because the pain I am feeling is so immense. I want to live life FEELING everything organically regardless of what it is. Also my smarts are gone and that gave me tremendous joy. I know what life was like before using weed and I know how it should feel. But I cannot properly life, my sense of self, empathy, and life around me currently. I am walking around blind deaf and dumb I don't know if I want to live this way for the rest of my life. I would have loved to become a doctor.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to kill myself and I don't think I will have the balls to frankly but that saddens me even more if I can't feel or process what I am experiencing for the rest of my life. Life is too short to waste, any life really even if I'm dumber than what I used to be. I think of people who are paralyzed, people who have cancer, who have nobody left to care for them, people who are homeless and have physical ailments. They don't give up, but their minds are still natural. I am young and the only reason I am thinking of this is because I don't want to go the rest of my life with derealization of the world around me. I don't want to live the rest of my life blind deaf and dumb. No new experiences since the latter parts of my weed addiction have given me any meaning in life compared to what I had learned before smoking weed. I am grateful I got to experience and learn the meaning of life from my perspective and others when I was younger, thank you for that. I love you both so much. I am sorry and don't worry I am not going to kill myself its just that I am angry with myself, angry with my cognitive decline, and angry that I can't experience what life ought to be currently. I am hoping for better in the future though. I just thought you should know.

Love, Your son

Before Weed:

I am telling you this because I am scared for myself although it may be too late. Before I tell you what I've been going through, I want to tell you about my life experience up until junior year of highschool. Although I wasn't exactly extremely smart from your perspectives, I was acutely aware of my surroundings. In school I was more focused on how things were organized and what every single person in the room was thinking and what their plans were rather then what they were teaching. It's like my brain was calculating 20 things at once and i was living existentially all the time. I was incredibly happy just to be alive. I could recall the exact positions of people and things around me, what I was thinking, and the sutle muscle movements of people over a reasonable amount of time. I used to know what people were going to say before they said them, and know someone's personality outlook on life, habits mentality etc. just by watching for 10 seconds to an incredible degree of accuracy. The longer a person was in my focus I learned more about them exponentially. I could learn things very well and had a memory based on the things that I was focused on that was so precise and better than almost everyone I had ever met. People in high school who knew me well knew this and would be shocked how i could know things about them. Some things like sexuality and gender insecurities, presence of autism/ Asperger's as a child, family life back home, and who liked who, I could tell about people after observing them for a little. I had respect from people at school and some teachers because they knew what I could learn about a situation or people just by being in the same room. I could learn new words in the blink of an eye if I heard it just once, I was constantly calculating. With dad, I could not learn what he tried to teach me though just because I was so scared of him that my focus wasn't there and panic was always set in I was scared to be beat frankly (i wasn't scared of the pain but just scared what it meant which was hard for me to fully realize because I would slightly repress the memories and I don't like to do that). But it's from him I learned how to analyze people and the world. But he is one of the only people I've ever met where I could not track his mind to a satisfying degree. For most people I would now what they were thinking, what they were incubating in the back of their head, and their current plan of action in a glance by looking at the eyes and body. I could not do this with dad because his mind is faster than mine it was too hard to keep up. He has mind palaces that are so structured and he can jump around his mind so easily I couldn't keep up with the mind palaces he created and how he navigates them. It was harder for me to do this with people who had a very high iq but I would practice everyday and would cherish analyzing introverts for practice. I walked on a street with a hundred people I would make an observation about each of them and could later recall exactly what I saw and what I was thinking. My kinesthetic sense was very good so physical distances was easy for me to calculate and remember. I truly believed that before starting weed I would become a doctor because all my strengths coincided with it. This ability, although most ppl might be able to do it, peaked for me right before starting weed. I was very much in tune with spirituality and enjoyed reading storybooks, meditation, and socializing. I was never focused on myself but what was around me, I kept my thoughts and feelings in a box in my mind to help me learn as I recorded what others were doing and thinking. I had balls - I asked out girls in highschool, and honestly wasn't afraid of much because both of you enabled me to experience life by taking me everywhere.

#weedsmokers #stoned weed #weed addict #legal weed

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orangeoctopi7 · 4 years

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Gloves VS Mittens

@forduary Week one is Creation/Destruction. This fic is definitely on the Creation side of things.

For most people, it’s just a matter of preference. But for Stanford, just having a choice at all was something he rarely had...

***

When Ford was four years old, he first started taking notice of the fact that his hands were not normal. It started with a Hanukkah gift from a distant aunt: a pair of gloves for Stan, and a pair of mittens for himself. The two of them were so used to getting the exact same of everything that it immediately struck them as odd.

"Hey Dad, how come mine are different?" Ford asked.

"Because they don't make six-fingered gloves." Filbrick grunted.

"Why not?"

"Because normal people don't have six fingers. Haven't you noticed?"

Caryn smacked her husband with her magazine. "Dear!"

"What? If he hasn't already figured it out--"

"He's four, Filbrick."

"He's gonna have to know sooner or later! Coddling him ain't doin' him any favors. The world's not kind to what's different, so we may as well prepare him now!"

"I'm not… normal?" Ford asked his parents. He wasn't quite sure what to do with this information.

"Nope." Filbrick replied bluntly.

"Oh who wants to be normal, anyway? Normal's boring. You're special." Caryn took her son into her arms and kissed his forehead. “Now go outside and play with your brother."

While Stanford took his mother's words to heart, he soon found that being special had little to no practical benefits. Sure, it was nice to have something of his own for once, but Ford soon realized that while Stanley could use his mittens if he wanted, Ford couldn't use his brother's gloves. Not that Stan would ever want to use the mittens. They limited his dexterity to the point where it was hard to make a snowball, or even do something as simple as point.

"It's not fair!" He complained to Stan as he struggled to draw a face on the snowman they were working on. "It's like trying to do everything with a sock puppet on each hand!"

"It can't be all bad." Stan reasoned. "Plenty of people wear mittens, right?"

"I guess so…" Ford remembered quite a few Christmas decorations with people wearing mittens, and he'd seen a few wearing them out and about the city.

Stan grabbed one hand and held it up, looking at it more closely. "I bet all your fingers are warmer, bundled together like that!"

"But it's hard to zip up my coat, so I get cold anyway." Ford mumbled.

"I'll help you zip it up!" Stan promised.

***

As the years passed, Stanford found another advantage to wearing mittens: nobody could tell he was a freak if they couldn't see his extra fingers. Sure, it didn't fool the people who already knew him, but it was nice to be able to pretend he was normal when they went up to New York City to go shopping.

As for the dexterity problem, most of the time he'd just have to ask Stanley to do whatever it was for him. If he got tired of that, or if it simply wasn't an option (like during a snowball fight between the two brothers) he'd just take his mittens off. Sure, it was icy cold, and Ma always scolded him if she caught him, but that was a small price to pay for a good snowball.

Ford found he didn't mind wearing mittens all the time, until he started highschool chemistry class.

***

Ford was so excited to start his first real chemistry lab. He'd been doing his own chemical experiments with a chemistry set he got for his birthday when he turned 12, but the school chemistry lab had so much more to offer him! Actual Bunsen burners, more than one beaker and three test tubes, and best of all-- a variety of chemicals much wider than what he could find in his family home!

"Now, before we start, I'm going to go around and make sure everyone has all their safety equipment on properly. Make sure you've got your goggles on over your eyes not your forehead, and your gloves on your hands not in your pocket." Their teacher, an easily distracted middle-aged man, made his way around the room, checking each group. "Oh, right…" he paused when he came to the Pines twins. Stan had on his gloves and goggles (onto which he had drawn googly eyes with a wet-erase marker). Ford had on his goggles, but…

"I don't need gloves." Ford insisted. "I've never used them with my chemistry set at home."

"Yeah!" Stan agreed, "We took apart a car battery one time and didn't get any chemical burns!"

The teacher blanched at this revelation, and he opened up a supply closet at the back of the room. After some digging, he pulled out a pair of sturdy work gloves that looked like they were meant for a giant.

"Here," he tossed them to Ford, "These should be big enough. You'll just have to fit two fingers into one hole."

Ford grumbled as he pulled the gloves on. After some experimentation he found that sticking his second and third fingers together was the least uncomfortable arrangement, but the glove was still too bulky and awkward. He kept on pouring too much acid into the solution and completely missing the titration point.

Relying on Stan to do it didn't yield much better results, as his brother was too impatient, and kept on pouring the acid too fast, once again missing the titration point. Finally, when the teacher was distracted by other students, Ford just took the gloves off. Then he got it first try.

This ended up being the pattern for Ford's chemistry labs throughout the rest of his highschool years. Fumble through the lab until the teacher's back was turned, and then strip the oversized gloves off. He was extra careful, and never got anything on him that could do any real harm. One time he did get a bit of copper nitrate on his skin, but all that it did was make his hands dry and itchy.

***

When Ford started college at Backupsmore University, he quickly realized he wouldn't be able to just pull an awkwardly large glove off when the teacher wasn't looking. The class size was much too small. What's more the TA overseeing their lab, a young man by the name of McGucket, was clearly a sharp and observant individual.

"Hmm, obviously this ain't gonna work." He observed as he passed out supplies to Ford's table. "I think y'should be fine fer now, we're only working with acetic acid today, but that ain't gonna be the case fer the whole semester. You got a free hour after lab?"

"Y-yes."

"Great! Meet me in the Grad-lab, we'll make ya a special custom pair!"

"What--really!?"

"Sure! We don't want you messin' around in the chem lab with no gloves on, but messin' around with gloves that don't fit right is even worse!"

Ford finished his first lab with no trouble. In fact, he finished early, so he cleaned up his things and headed to the Grad-lab, just down the hall from his own classroom, and waited. All the graduate students there ignored him, too caught up in their own studies to even notice a lowly undergrad.

After several minutes, McGucket entered. "Alright, this is gonna take a while, you sure you got time?"

"This is my last class of the day."

"Perfect. Now come over here and we'll get started." The grad student led Ford back to a table with many five-gallon buckets. He pried the lid off of one, revealing its dark blue, slimy contents. "This here's the silicone-rubber I use t'make molds fer my machine parts. If'n ya jus' stick yer hand in here and let it gel, it should make a nice glove, like a second skin!"

"You want me to stick my hand… in that?" Ford asked incredulously.

"Pshaw, it ain't that bad!" McGucket assured him. "It's like… well, y'ever stuck her hand in pig slop?"

"No." Ford said slowly, his eye twitching just a bit at the thought.

"Oh, well nevermind then. I guess you can jus' drop outta chemistry 112"

Ford sighed and plunged his hands down into the bucket. It was pretty gross, but he got used to the slimy sensation after a few minutes. He slowly pulled his hands out, letting the viscous fluid slide off his fingers.

"How long does this take to dry?"

"Gel." McGucket corrected. "First layer'll probably take 'bout half an hour. It goes faster if'n ya use a settin' spray, bit that tends t'irritate the skin."

"First layer? How many layers will it take?"

"Only two. Ya want it thick 'nuff it'll protect yer skin, but thin 'nuff that it's flexible an’ peels off easy."

"So I'm just supposed to stand here for a whole hour? What am I supposed to do for all this time? I-I've got homework!"

"Well, I'll pull ya up a chair." McGucket rolled over a chair for him and opened his backpack. "An' maybe I can help ya with yer homework."

They sat there for an hour, McGucket reading Ford's textbooks and Ford asking questions about the material. The grad student was impressed with the workload this freshman had taken on.

"I wanted to go to West Coast Tech, but that didn't work out." Ford explained bitterly. "So I'm going to have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously by the scientific community."

"Believe me, I know the feelin'." McGucket nodded. "Most folks don't take a roboticist from the Tennessee hills seriously either. But there's some perks to attendin' a smaller University. The dean lets us do whatever we want! I've built lots o' robots I never woulda gotten away with at MIT."

"I suppose that's true." Ford admitted. "I'm interested in anomalies and cryptozoology. At West Coast Tech, I probably wouldn't be able to study those."

The hour passed more quickly than Ford expected. When he pulled the gloves off, they turned inside out, showing all the wrinkles and ridges of his skin in relief. He liked it. It was much more personal than some disposable pair.

“I’m sorry for complaining so much at the start. What you’ve done for me is incredibly generous. Thank you.” Ford said sincerely.

“Think nothin’ of it!” McGucket assured him with a friendly smile. “Can’t ‘spect you to go through the whole class without proper gloves.”

“No, really, you don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Well, I s’pose not. But I imagine ya don’t get somethin’ as simple as a pair o’ gloves offen.”

“N-no.” Ford instinctively hid his hand behind his back.

“Well now, ain’t nothin’ to hide!” McGucket elbowed him. “You could have two heads, fer all I care, with how well you un’erstand superconductors!” He waved goodbye as they exited the lab. “See ya in class on Wednesday!”

Ford found he gained more than just a new pair of gloves that day.

***

The custom gloves were nice, but they didn’t last more than a couple of months before they needed to be replaced again. He spent a lot of time in the Grad-lab talking to Fiddleford over the next few years. By the time graduation rolled around, Ford had learned to make the silicone-rubber compound himself. It was something he continued to use as he moved out to Gravity Falls. Being able to make his own gloves was so convenient! After all these years of being stuck with ill-fitting gloves, or no gloves at all, he’d never really realized how useful they were. And now he could have them whenever he wanted! As time went by, he improved upon the original silicone-rubber formula, making the gloves more durable and long-lasting.

As he got used to wearing gloves while he worked, the fact that he didn’t have winter gloves became more and more annoying. It was easy to ignore at Backusmore, where it rarely snowed and stayed warm for most of the year. But Oregon was farther north, and Gravity Falls was in the middle of the temperate rainforest. It snowed all winter long. It was so frustrating when he encountered an anomaly out in the snow and couldn’t hold his pen properly to take notes in his journal, either because of his mittens, or because his hands were too cold and numb from not wearing his mittens.

Oh well. As irritating as it was, he was used to it by now.

***

Out in the multiverse, just finding something to keep himself warm at all could be a struggle. Many of the dimensions he visited didn’t have human inhabitants, so finding something to wear on his hands at all was an impossible ask. Ford learned to wrap strips of cloth around his hands and fingers to keep them warm. It worked pretty well, although it took a lot longer to wrap the cloth in such a way that he could still move his fingers individually than it would to simply slip on a glove.

Of course, sometimes he got lucky. When he became ruler of the Finger Dimension, for instance, the people had made him a pair of silk, fur-lined gloves. They were very nice, but obviously more for fashion rather than function. He ended up trading them away for some tools shortly after he was banished by the Finger Dimension’s new ruler.

But Stanford had bigger things to worry about than the comfort of his hands in his interdimensional travels.

***

Stanley found the gloves while he was digging around the portal’s control console, looking for any clues as to how to get the thing working again. It was like a punch to the gut, but really, finding anything of Ford’s was like a punch to the gut. Stan still remembered that first Hanukkah when he’d gotten a pair of gloves, and Ford got a pair of mittens. He still remembered all the awkward times in their chemistry class where he’d had to do all the fine measurements even though he was terrible at it, until the teacher looked away long enough for Ford to take the oversized gloves off. He was glad his brother had finally found a way to get his own pair of work gloves.

His mind wandered, unbidden, to the fact that his brother was now lost… somewhere… without them. Without a lot of things he needed. Stan pulled on the gloves and made a fist, watching the extra pinky sleeve flop uselessly. He grimaced. Right. Back to work.

***

When Ford turned sixty-four, he was used to wearing mittens. He’d long ago accepted that the winter months came with a loss of dexterity, and honestly, over the past nine months of sailing through arctic waters, he’d been fine. He knew Stan had his back when he couldn’t properly wrap a finger around his blaster’s trigger. And when he knew he was going to need his blaster, he just didn’t wear them. He hadn’t gotten frostbite yet. In the middle of June, it wasn’t even worth worrying about. He wouldn’t even be thinking about it right now if it wasn’t for the birthday gift his niece had just given him.

“I noticed you weren’t wearing your mittens in a lot of the photos you sent us.” Mabel explained. “And I figured you probably have to use all your fingers for boat stuff, like tying knots, or signaling merpeople! So I made you these!” She handed him a pair of hand-knitted gloves, made up of a mix of red, blue, and green yarn.

“I wanted to send you some while you were still sailing, but I’d never knitted gloves before, so it took me a while to figure it out.”

“She went through a lot of yarn the last few months.” Dipper agreed. “Like, even more than usual.”

Ford slipped them on. They were a perfect fit.

“How…?”

Stan suddenly started whistling for no reason. Ford shot him a knowing look.

“What? Don’t look at me like that! So maybe I kept an old pair of your gloves while I was workin’ on the portal. Not for, like, sentimental reasons or anything. Good work gloves aren’t cheap! And it’s a good thing I did keep ‘em, they were the perfect model for Mabel. I just had to tell Soos where I left ‘em and asked him to send ‘em to her.”

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Ford’s voice wavered with emotion. "This is-- the fact that you put in all that time and effort, just for me-- and such a thoughtful gift! I-I've never really had a pair of winter gloves before… well, except for that pair from the Finger Dimension, and those were more ceremonial than anything else."

"So you like them?" Mabel asked, eyes bright.

"I absolutely love them. They're perfect!" He hugged her. "Thank you!" He turned to Stan. "Thank both of you!"

"Eh, I didn't do anything." Stan rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

"You provided the model. I have you to thank for the fact that they fit so well."

"I have an idea, if you want to test them out now." Dipper suggested. "Remember that snow spell we tested out last week?"

"Oh, right! Great idea, my boy!"

"Yeah, just test it outside this time, so Soos doesn't have to mop up after you again." Stan advised.

#Gravity Falls #Fanfiction #Forduary 2020 #Stanford Pines #Mabel Pines #Fiddleford Mcgucket #My Writing

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brokenclockwork · 4 years

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Even if it was framed as the wrong choice / a mistake from the start, Oscar being the traitor (or I suppose one of the traitors) of the season would have been a more compelling set up than him simply supporting Ruby and playing Ozpin again. It also would have been a twist that was properly paced and hinted for two volumes.

Oscar has been treated terribly by the group. I’m not saying that they have gone out of their way to treat Oscar badly, but between lashing out at him in Ozpin’s place, and outright dropping him in volume seven, after Ruby made a choice that was honestly his to make, they have. It’s not fair to hold all of this against them, but we need to remember that Oscar is 14/15. He is a child, who’s been yelled at, blamed, cornered, and manhandled by adults. Well trained, armed, adult that were already in a close in group before he arrived. And even seeing the main cast as kids still paints them as college students in contrast to Oscar’s highschool freshman at most.

Now if you contrast that to his relationship with James, the gang comes out looking really bad in the not entirely mature and unquestionably traumatized eyes of a 14 year old.

James rains attention, respect, and protection on Oscar from go. Oscar is a simple farmhand who’s had his life uprooted for something that he doesn’t even get to make choices in regards to, first because of Ozpin and then Ruby. Yet James listens to him. He confides in him to an extent, and whether or not this is because of Ozpin, Oscar sees it as James talking to him, as we see in their first talk in the Schnee manor.

Now, imagine if you will, Oscar actively turning against the group for James.

He’s 14. He’s scared. He’s just as aware as everyone else that Salem is immortal, and is perfectly aware that she wants him dead. Likely painfully. He’s seen an Ozma host be burned alive by her, with his own eyes. So he goes to James. He sides with him against the group, even if he doesn’t agree with the plan, because he trusts James and James makes him feel safe and listened to.

Whether or not he still loses the relic to Neo, James has Oscar, and with him Ozpin, and perhaps more importantly, a line right to RWBY, JNR, and the new Winter Maiden, if the group doesn’t know about his turn right away.

This would set up a few things that the show has needed, but most importantly, it would allow what people on both sides of the Lost Fable fallout debate have been expecting: consequences. More specifically, thematic consequences that make sense.

Ruby was a hypocrite this arc. Whether or not you think she was in the right for that hypocrisy, doesn’t change the fact that the group took a hard stand on the hill of ‘lies are bad’ and then instantly started lying themselves.

This isn’t volume 1 or 2. The themes of this volume weren’t the group not being strong enough. In fact, the fight with the ace ops outright states that they are at their strongest. So...why is it that they lose, once again, because they’re just not strong enough yet?

With this, it would be that their previous reckless and thoughtless actions catching up with them, as well as the debate about lying coming to a head that fits the thesis they’d already set up.

Lying is bad, lying to your allies even more so, and eventually those lies will come out and blow up on you. This was true with Ozpin, and it should have been true with Ruby, so she could learn both Ozpin’s reason, and experience his mistake, so that she could later have the understanding to bring the group back together to fight Salem.

#long post #idek how to tag this #ok to reblog but I'm not fighting in the notes #that blows up my activity page and I lose everything #oscar pine #james ironwood

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ddaengyoonmin · 5 years

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BTS Friends to lovers drabble series

Pairing: badboy!Yoongi x badgirl!Reader

Warnings: swearing, cigarettes, getting arrested

The first time you met him was in your freshman year of highschool. You were in detention for getting caught skipping class. The detention room’s grey walls were a familiar sight for you. The sad wilting plant that sat on the sleeping teacher’s desk seemed just as upset to be there as you were.

You were carving your initials into the wooden desk you were sat at when he walked in. He was a light in this dull room, his bleached blonde hair and pale skin was angelic and you had to hold yourself back from gasping audibly. A teacher had his hand gripping the boy’s arm while he shoved him into the classroom. The boy scoffed and rolled his eyes. Much to your delight he walked over and of all the empty desks in the room he sat down next to you.

Once the teacher talked to the one running detention, probably giving the rundown of this boy’s offences to him, he left. Giving a mean side eyed glance the boy’s way on his way out.

“Whatcha in for” A low whisper voiced from your side. You turned to him and he was still looking forward, but with no one around you assumed his question was obviously for you.

“Uh. Skipping class, they caught me in the bathrooms”

He chuckled, “Ah, couldn’t think of anywhere else to go?”

“Well I didn’t think they’d peek their dumbfuck head under the stall to look for me so I thought I was good. What about you?”

He finally turned to look at you. He shrugged “Smoking a cigarette under the bleachers. Wanna come with next time?” he winked your way

“Ew, no thank you. Cigs are not my thing”

He put his hands up in surrender “Okay, all good. We could still hangout next time you feel like not going to class” he smirked.

And that was it. From that day forward Yoongi was your best friend. You’d never really had friends, and come to find out neither had he. Your highschool years were filled with sharing detention time and getting into trouble together. Neither of you were ever romantic with each other, he was attractive but you never wanted to wreck things with your only friend no matter how long you’d had a crush on him. Which was basically since the first day you’d met him.

Despite all of the recklessness the two of you engaged in together you’d somehow managed to graduate.

Neither of you had carried on to go to college, you worked at a pet store and he’d gotten a job at a car wash. Making enough to barely scrape by you’d become roommates as well.

One night when you were on your way home from work your cell phone rang, it was the police station. Yoongi had been caught doing graffiti on the side of a building and he needed you to bail him out and pick him up.

You sighed at his stupidness, he’d always managed to avoid the cops, and usually never went out alone when he did his art.

After picking him up the two of you were walking home, since neither of you had a car you had to walk everywhere. He was wearing a black hoodie and sweatpants, both clothing items covered in splotches of different colored paints. His hood was sitting loosely over his blonde hair. He didn’t seem upset or remorseful over how his night had gone, which was typical for him.

Right as you were about to scold him for getting caught he spoke,

“Wanna see it?” He smiled at you “It's actually right over here” He pointed to a building across the street.

“Sure” you laughed lightly shaking your head. You couldn’t be mad at him, he’d been there for you when you’d been arrested last year for shoplifting, he hadn’t said a word. You were grateful for him. Your family had basically disowned you, and his situation wasn’t too far off from yours. He was your family, your best friend, all you had.

Yoongi put an arm around your shoulders as the pair of you crossed the street and arrived at the building he was leading you to.

“Yoongi...this is incredible” You gasped.

On the side of the building was a large portrait of you and him together. The you in the painting was laughing a large smile placed on your face, and the Yoongi in the painting had his arm around you, similar to how he did right now.

“Really? You like it?” He said excitedly, grinning widely at you then looking up to his masterpiece.

“You painted us, I can’t believe it. This is your best one yet!”

Yoongi directed his eyes from his art to you. “I wanted to do something big. To show you how much it means to me that I have you in my life. Everything we’ve been through together…” He sighed. He seemed to suddenly get nervous for some reason. “I-I don’t want to ruin everything. But, what I’m about to say might.” His arm left your shoulder and he put his hands together playing with the rings on his fingers. He gulped and continued “Please, just forget everything I’m about to say if you don’t feel the same way, we can just pretend this never happened. But, Y/N I think I’m in love with you” His eyes were wide with worry and anticipation of your answer.

You felt butterflies in your stomach. You had never thought he felt this way. You’d known you were in love with him since the first day you met him, but to hear that he had feelings like this about you felt like a dream.

“You think?” you stuttered out quietly.

He shook his head, “No, I mean...I know. I’ve loved you for a long time. I just, didn’t want to ruin this amazing friendship that we have” he admitted

You felt like screaming for joy, like jumping up into the air and pumping your fist in celebration.

“Yoongi...I’ve always felt the same. I never wanted to mess up our friendship, its always been just you and me for as long as I can remember.” You timidly stepped closer to him and faced him.

“Really?” he seemed relieved, and he smiled shyly at you. “Can I…” he reached out and took one of your hands in yours. You tilted your head to the side at his unfinished thought.

He pursed his lips together, and thought hard like he was debating on his next action. Deciding for him you placed a hand on the side of his neck and brought him close to you, hoping this was what he wanted. His lips were so close to yours, exactly how you’d imagined so many times.

Your heart was beating like hummingbird wings as you leaned in only an inch away. With a smile, Yoongi closed the gap, and after what felt like a lifetime of waiting you melted into him. He pulled you in close, tracing a hand up and down your back. His lips tasted like cigarettes and mint gum, exactly how you’d always imagined they would. He was perfect and this was perfect. He pulled away and kissed you on the forehead. “You are amazing” he whispered, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You felt like you were walking on a cloud. He pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. “C’mon babe, let's go home”

#bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts angst #bts x reader #bts x you #bts imagines #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #bts drabble #yoongi drabble #suga x reader #suga x you #yoongi x y/n

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nataliecarsonsuniverse · 4 years

Text

The Mistakes Not Made Under the Moonlight

Summary:During Basic RV Repair and Palmistry, Jeff sneaks out of the RV late at night unable to sleep only to find that one of the other Greendale seven couldn't sleep either.

Pairing: Jeff Winger x Annie Edison

The RV was cold. Frigid cold to be exact. Jeff had expected it to be cold, they were after all stranded in an RV with no battery in the middle of the Colorado Rocky Mountains. But still for May it was far too cold. The group had divided up places to sleep there wasn’t enough room for everyone to have comfortable spot, so he got stuck with the bench by the table. He tried to protest but he didn’t win. Jeff used to win court cases, with no degree. But now he couldn’t even win a stupid argument with a group of community college students. Maybe he had gone soft. Especially since the idea of referring to them only as community college students made him angry for some reason. He was far too tall to be trying to sleep on a couch that was made for midgets. Then again he could barely stand up in the RV without his hair touching the ceiling.

The only sound in the RV was the sound of someone snoring. He wasn’t sure exactly who it was. He glanced around at all of his friends who were fast asleep trying to identify who it was. It wasn’t Britta, he had spent the night with Britta enough to know what her snoring sounded like, and it wasn’t as cute sounding as the one that filled the empty space right now.

Jeff got out of the little booth careful not to step on Frankie who was laying on the ground right underneath him. He tiptoes around her to the door which he unlocked and opened as quietly as he could. The moonlight flood into the trailer illuminating everyone. He made a mental note of the way Annie was fast asleep in the chair in the kitchen, if you could even call that little space a kitchen. There was little bit of drool on the side of her mouth. Any other girl and Jeff would’ve thought that was disgusting. But with Annie for some reason, it made her somehow more attractive. If that was even if possible

Outside the air was brisk, but no more cold than it was in the RV. The wind whipped through his sweatshirt and his hair. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around himself trying to produce any sort of heat. There wasn’t a cloud in sight, the moonlight and stars shined so bright it felt as if the sun itself was out. He didn’t know exactly where they were, but there was not a single light in sight. They must have been in the middle of nowhere. As scary as it was, the idea of being stranded in the Rocky Mountains, there was something peaceful about it, almost calming.

Jeff shuffled his feet slightly in the gravel, creating a noise to drown out the crickets. Dean was not lying when he said it would be hard place to do stand up, not that the rational of doing stand up in the middle of nowhere made any sense at all to Jeff.

The door to the RV opened, the sound of it swinging on it’s rusty hinges stood out like a sore thumb in the undeniably quiet night. He turned to see Annie stepping out of it, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She closed the door behind her before approaching him.

“Hey.” She whispered. “What are you doing out here?” She was shivering and it made a part of Jeff’s heart swell. He wasn’t quite sure why, but the idea of her being any condition less than perfectly content made him angry.

“I don’t know.” He admitted honestly. “I was having trouble sleeping. I’m way too tall to be sleeping like that. Plus I have become accustomed to at least an 800 thread count sheet. What about you?” he asked

Annie laughed slightly. Of course he couldn’t sleep because there were no soft sheets. “Well I woke up, when I heard the door open. I’m a light sleeper. Any sudden movement and I’m awake. I think it comes from living in a bad neighborhood for all those years.” She looked out over the mountains. “It’s really nice out here.”

“Yeah it is.” Jeff agreed. “Not stuffy like it was in the trailer.” Annie nodded in agreement. “Plus” Jeff continued. “Someone in there was snoring.”

“Oh that was probably me.” Annie said. “Britta and Abed both say that I snore at night. But at least I don't talk in my sleep like Britta does.”

“She does do that! I had completely forgot about that!” Jeff said, but the second he said it he wished he could have taken it back. It wasn’t very often that the group talked about the fact that him and Britta had slept together and oftentimes if it was mentioned, especially in front of Annie, Jeff felt bad. Almost as if he had cheated on Annie, which was absurd because him and Annie had never, and probably will never even really date. It was an idea that kept him up at night sometimes.

Annie looked back out over the mountains. There was a calming sense standing underneath the moonlight with him. She shivered slightly as the wind blew through the hollow blanket. Jeff must have noticed because he reached out and wrapped his arms around her shoulder. She leaned into his side, and tried to convince herself that there was nothing romantic about their current situation. Yet her brain could not ignore the faint scent of cologne radiating from him.

Besides it’s not like anything romantic ever happened under the moonlight. She couldn’t help but notice the way his jaw line was drawn under the given light. He looked different at the school, in the study room, under all the fluorescent lights. But out here there was something that she hadn’t really noticed before. He looked down at her, making eye contact and his eyes seemed to be a thousand shades bluer than usual. Maybe this is why in all the romantic comedies the big moment happens underneath the stars.

She couldn’t help but to wonder what it would feel like if he leaned down right now to kiss her. If he took a leap of faith and lightly pressed his lips to hers. Then again, she could also take a leap of faith. Maybe the fact that something hasn’t happened between the two of them wasn’t all his fault. “It’s cold out here” She whispered.

“It is.” He agreed as he pulled her closer to him. She opened the blanket and wrapped her arms around his torso. She wrapped the blanket around him as best as she could. He tucked her head under his chin and she rested her head on his chest. She tried over and over again to tell herself that it was platonic, but it was getting harder and harder to believe.

She felt good in his arms and he hated to admit that. A part of him was terrified at the way that he was holding her. Partly because he knew that eventually he would have to let go. Eventually the sun would rise and the moment would be over. Everything always seemed different in the light of day. It was like when the sun went down so did his rational thinking. He always seemed to make the mistakes that he had been dying to make during the day at night. He started swaying back and forth, while still holding her in his arms. The movement helped to bring feeling back into his legs.

She allowed herself to move the same way he did. “Are you okay?” She whispered. With her head resting on his chest she could hear his heartbeat, and it was beating faster than what she assumed a heart should beat. The two of them kept swaying in the dark.

“I’m okay.” He whispered back voice kind of hoarse trying to not spill the thoughts that were actually on his mind. That he wasn’t really okay, because she wasn’t his. He moved his hand further down her back to rest on the small of her back. He felt her lean in closer to him, causing him to sign slightly.

She felt the goosebumps on her skin, goosebumps that were in no way there from the cold. Even Annie couldn’t deny that. A part of her couldn’t believe this was real, she had been dreaming about this moment since that first day freshman year. Back when the only girl in the group he cared about sleeping with was Britta. Annie cheeks grew slightly red at the idea of him wanting to sleep with her. Her. It was like highschool all over again, only this time the cutest most popular boy wanted her, and it wasn’t that out of the question that maybe they would get together.

Annie moved her hands from his torso, where she was gripping, maybe just a little to hard, up to his neck. She laced her fingers in between each other, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck. When she moved her hands the blanket had fallen to the ground, but neither of them seemed to mind. She kept her head exactly where it was listening to sound of his heart beat.

The crickets outside continues to chirp, although they seemed slightly louder than they had before. The two of them were still swaying back and forth when Annie whispered “I’m really cold.” Jeff took one of her hands that had been around his neck. He let her go for a second and spun her out before pulling her back in.

“Then let's keep moving.” Jeff seid. Gradually their swaying turned into real dancing. Although neither one of them really knew how to dance they seemed to be in sync with each other. In the quiet of the night the only rhythm was his heartbeat and the crickets that never quite seemed to stop. Annie could’ve sworn that if she really listened she could hear a river running somewhere in the background.

Slowly they returned to swaying back and forth, her standing on his shoes. When she glanced up at him they made eye contact. And neither one of them looked away. His eyes glanced down to her lips as she licked them ever so slightly. He moved one hand from her waist to her face where he caressed her check, before leaning down a softly kissing her. Annie thought for a moment that in the distance she could hear fireworks, but it was just her imagination.

She didn’t hold back as she kissed him the same way she had during the debate, or after the tranny dance. The only key difference was that this didn’t seemed rushed. He took his time brushing his tonuge over her bottom lip. It was the kind of kiss where if it was the last she would’ve been okay with that. If he stopped right now and never kissed or touched her again, she wouldn’t die out of lust. At this point however, she had given up on the idea that they could ever be anything close to resembling platonic. She would always want him, and she was starting to think that he would always want her.

When Jeff pulled away Annie did feel a ping of sadness. “I, Can't-.” he said stammering to get the words out of his mouth. He looked down at her with the sad puppy dog eyes that she herself had mastered a long time ago. He let her go slightly. She was still close enough to him to see all of his features, but not close enough to stand on her tiptoes and kiss him again.

“Can’t what?” She asked partially afraid of the answer she would get. She had told herself she would be okay if it was the last kiss not that she wanted it to be the last kiss.

“I can’t do this with you tonight.” He said his voice low. Although he was trying to sound tough and cool, Annie could tell that he was hiding something. Over the years Annie had grown exceptionally good at reading him.

“Why not?” She asked looking up to him with her puppy dog eyes, which were far better than his, if she did say so herself.

“Because pretty soon, I am not going to be able to stop with just your lips.” His voice was dripping with desire and his eyes were a shade darker than she had ever seen before. He glanced down at her lips before he allowed his eyes to begin to roam all over her body. “The things that I want to do to you, I can not do with all of our friends sitting in the RV.” He gestured to the rv that was parked right behind them.

Annie could feel the blood rusing to her cheeks and was grateful for the fact that people were color blind at night and red was the last color most people could see. “But I-.” She stopped herself before she said something she would regret. Part of her wanted to jump his bones right here, right now. But she also knew that long term she would regret that. “Okay.” she finished. She started to pull away from him. Much like Jeff, if Annie stayed here much longer she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself.

Jeff grabbed her by the wrist before she could get too far away. “Just so you know, tomorrow when we make it back to Greendale, we have to finish this conversation.” He dropped her wrist by her side.

“Maybe if we find a rest area on the way home.” Annie said with a hint of hope in her voice.

“No.” he said without a single hint of doubt in his voice. “You are better than some crappy rest area, and you are worth waiting for.

Annie once again blushed at the idea of her being worth waiting for. Annie Edison being worth waiting for according to Jeff Winger. “I’m. I’m going to go inside.” She said to him

“Okay.” He said looking down at her. “I’m going to stay out here for a little bit longer.” He watched her walking to the RV and climb up the steps before she went inside she turned around to whisper goodnight.

Jeff stayed outside for a little while longer admiring the view of the Rocky Mountain Overpass road they were on. It was a gorgeous view, but yet it wasn’t the prettiest thing he had seen in the last 24 hours.

#jeff x annie #jeff winger #annie edison #community #community fanfiction #Jeff x Annie fan fiction

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