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sarahsmi13s · 2 months

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Duckie

Chapter 9

pairing: jake ‘hangman’ seresin x bradshaw!reader; bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw x twin sister!reader

characters: y/n bradshaw, nick bradshaw, jake seresin, penny benjamin, serenity hart, denver miller

word count: ~10.7k (don't kill me i know the chapter lengths are all over the place, i'm sorry)

warnings: language, parental doubts, canon character deaths mentioned, drinking, thunderstorms, jake being an absolute sweetheart

a/n: i want to apologize that is has been 8 months since i have last updated the main story, i really didn't think it would take that long... but i just wanted to make sure i was proud of the chapter and i really do think i am proud of it. so thank you for your patience and i hope you enjoy 💜

series summary: daughter of goose and carole and twin sister to bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw, y/n bradshaw also got her papers pulled when she tried to enlist in the Navy. which turned out to not be as bad as she thought.

chapter summary: a week after duckie and jake went on their "not-date" she is seriously regretting not getting jake's number before he left -- considering they haven't seen each other since. though, as fate would have it, that weekend they see each other at the beach and as duckie is walking away jake gets a push from his friends to get her number. little does he know he'll be getting much more than that from her

'duckie' universe

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It had been a hectic week since your ‘not date’ date with Jake and honestly… you were missing him. Nick was missing him too, hugging the cowboy manta ray every afternoon when he napped. You were really kicking yourself for not getting his number, you had no way of talking to him. And you both were busy, you with school stuff and softball practices and Jake with his Top Gun classes. So you just had to bet on the off chance of running into him again.

Late that Saturday morning, you and Nick were walking the beach, occasionally splashing in the surf. You wanted to tire him out so when Serenity came over later to babysit, he wasn’t too much trouble.

At some point when you had been distracted, Nick had run off without you noticing, most likely seeing something he liked or wanted.

When you do notice his absence, it’s because you don’t hear giggling and splashing. You look down next to you and panic shoots through you when you see that your son isn’t right at your feet.

“Nick? Nick! Nicky!”

Your chest heaved with your panicked breathing, thoughts running through your mind a mile and a half a minute as you shouted and ran across the beach like a mad woman – shouting for your son.

How could this happen? How could you not notice that your toddler wasn’t right next to you? What kind of mother gets that distracted that she doesn’t even hear her child run off? How did you not notice? Why didn’t you hear him? Why did you let something else pull your attention away that fast and for that long?

Maybe those middle aged mothers in the store were right? Maybe you were too young to be a decent mom… Maybe you shouldn’t–

“Han’man!”

The small, but excited voice shut your thoughts off in an instant, relief flooding your entire body as you ran in the direction you heard your son – nearly tripping over your own feet in the panic.

You spotted the classic beach volleyball court and saw Jake pick him up, looking equally as confused as he was happy.

“Nick where’s your-”

“Nicholas Jacob!” You called, adrenaline still pumping through your body.

Your son yelped a little and turned into Jake’s neck upon hearing you shout as the pilot cringed. The first and middle name? Never a good sign.

“Oooh, someone’s in trouble,” he mumbled, instinctively rubbing the child’s back in order to keep him calm.

The other aviators noticed this and gave Hangman a confused look. They were in the middle of a volleyball match and then boom a toddler’s running into the pilot's legs. And now he was comforting said child, not something they would expect from him usually.

Nick threw his arms around Jake’s neck, not turning to look at you as you ran over, sliding a little as the sand shifted under your heavy steps. “You can’t just run off like that! Do you know how worried I was?!”

The other pilots probably should have looked away, minded their own business. But now they were very intrigued as you came up to Jake as he held your son.

And by the time you got in arms reach you had calmed down slightly, trying to channel your mother to help you handle this situation.

“Nicky,” you coaxed, as you got closer and reached out to rub his back. He just buried his face into Jake’s shoulder, a small cry coming from his lips as he hugged the pilot tighter. He hates yelling, he doesn’t like it when people are mad at him. You played with his curls, knowing that he thought you were angry, “Baby, I’m not mad… You just worry me when you run off like that. You are too much like your Uncle.”

Nick looked at you finally, but still rested his head on Jake’s shoulder. His eyes were red and you sighed, knowing that he still thought you were mad. “I’m sorry I shouted, Nicky. Mama’s not mad at you. I promise.” He sniffled and reached out for you. You smiled softly and took him into your arms, then he promptly buried his face into your shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, guys,” you apologized, looking around at all the pilots. “I don’t know how he got away from me.” Jake shook his head, waving it off with a flick of his wrist, “It’s okay. I was winnin’ anyway.” You laughed, bouncing Nick instinctively, “Alright, well, we’ll leave you to it.” You adjusted Nick on your hip, smiling at the men before walking away.

Jake watched you walk away before turning back to his classmates, clapping his hands together and ready to start the next match. But he was met with crossed arms and expecting looks. “Okay let’s – What?”

“You’re in so deep, Hangman,” Denver, also known as ‘Ransom’, said with a teasing scoff. “Have you gotten her number yet?”

The blond shook his head, “No but I figured she’d offer it when she was ready.” The other pilot rolled his eyes. “Seresin, since when have you ever waited for her to make the move?” Jake huffed, “She’s different. I don’t want to move too fast. I want her to know that I’m all in first.”

Denver crossed his arms, “Hangman, go ask her. Show her you’re all in. She won’t know if you don’t tell her. And I’m pretty sure she’s a little nervous to ask you. You know… given that she doesn’t know!”

Jake’s eyes widened in realization, making the brunette laugh as Jake jogged after you, “Hey, Y/N, wait up!”

You turned as he called out to you, Nicky looking up as well from his spot on your shoulder. Looking up at him as he slowed down to a stop in front of you, you tilted your head a little, “Yeah?”

He took a few deep breaths, talking with one hand as the other rested on his hip, “First I want to preface, it’s totally cool if you say no. But we’ve been getting to know each other, and I was wondering if I could get your number?”

You looked at Nick then back at Jake, thinking about your response carefully. “I’ll be at the bar tonight. Come by and we’ll talk about it.”

Jake nodded, and smirked, “I look forward to it.” He ruffled Nick’s hair before going back to the group.

You smiled, eyeing him as he walked away – a little more confidence in his step as he walked up to his friend.

You know you were kicking yourself before for not getting his number, but now that he’s asked you… you were hesitant, you felt like you had a lot you needed to tell him before you took this step. Sighing a little, you adjusted Nick on your hip again and made your way back to your car.

During the drive home, Nicky was quiet and played with the shells he had found on the beach.

You knew he was still upset from when you yelled, and you knew that he didn’t quite understand why you were so worried. He was only three after all, and he had so much wonder that it was a miracle he didn’t run off to squash his curiosities more often.

He did need to understand why you had shouted and why you were so worried, it was important that he knew that.

But neither of you were ready to give nor receive that conversation. You were still thrumming with that anxiety from the 90 second eternity it took to find him and he was still upset from when you yelled at him. You just needed to wait for when you got home after you both calmed down.

When you got home, you gave Nicky his bath in near silence as you made sure all the sand was gone and he was clean of salt water.

You had thought through your side of the conversation and decided on how you were going to talk to him.

After getting him bathed and getting some comfy clothes picked out, you knelt in front of him as you helped him dry off.

“Nicky? Can we talk about what happened at the beach?”

He sniffed, nodding his head under the little shark hood of his towel.

You smiled softly at him and gave a gentle squeeze to his arms. “You know Mama isn’t angry right?” “You yelled… people yell when they’re angy…” His voice was soft and timid, he was trying not to cry again.

“Oh baby…” You tilted his head up and cupped his cheek. “Sometimes people yell when they’re angry or mad. But not all the time.” Confusion flashed over his tearfilled eyes and you sighed.

You sat back on your heels, wiping his tears away with your thumb. “People can yell for a lot of different reasons, Nick. Sometimes we yell or shout because we’re excited, we’ve done that before haven’t we? Like when you saw Hangman and shouted because you were so excited to see him.”

He nodded, using the towel to wipe his other eye as you gave him an encouraging smile.

“It all comes down to how we say something, and I know that might not make sense just yet, because you’re three, but it will and we’ll talk more about it then. But I know you don’t like yelling when people sound angry or mean, it’s loud and it can be scary, right?” He nodded again, sniffling a little, “Yeah…”

You nodded, dipping your head a little to look him in the eye. “And Mama’s sorry if she sounded angry or mean, that wasn’t my intention. But you running off like that scared me, it really really scared me. I didn’t know if you were hurt or lost.”

“But I was safe with Han’man… I was okay Mama…”

“I know that now. But in the moment I was really worried about you and I didn’t know where you had run off too. That’s why I shouted.”

You rubbed his arms, making sure to hold eye contact. “You can’t just run off like that without telling me. It makes me worried for your safety.”

The dam finally broke and Nick started sobbing. “I’m sorry Mama… I-I jus’ saw Han’man an-and wa-wanted to s-say hi…”

“I know, I know baby,” you cooed, wiping his tears as they fell. “And Mama forgives you, I know you didn’t mean to. And I know there will be times where you’re really really curious and you want to explore, but you have to tell me so I, or someone else, can make sure you’re safe. And there will be times I’m gonna yell, but I still love you okay? And I will do better to control my tone in the future.”

He sniffled and hugged you tightly, his little arms wrapping around your neck in a grip that rivaled a grown man. You smiled and adjusted your legs, crossing them before wrapping him tighter in his towel and pulling him into your lap.

You sat on his floor for a while, holding him close and rocking back and forth as you pressed kisses to the side of his head.

It wasn’t too long after that conversation that Serenity was using her spare key to come in, finding you and Nick giggling in the living room as you watched Kung Fu Panda.

“Looks like I’m missing all the fun,” she laughed, sitting her backpack down on the bar.

Nick sat up, a wide smile on his face, “Ren!” She smiled and walked over, her arms out wide for a hug, “Nicky J!” He got off the couch quickly and ran to her, hugging her with a high pitched giggle.

You smiled as you stood up, “Oh I don’t know about missing the fun, just a little late to the party.”

“Well, I guess I have some fun to catch up on,” she said as she ruffled Nicky’s curls. “And Mama can relax a little bit.”

You nodded because now that she was here you could take a shower and get ready to go to the bar. You needed the moment of solitude to collect yourself after your mild panic attack on the beach. Needed to take a second alone to let the parental mask slip and just let yourself feel.

“Yes, and I will be showering and getting ready to go to the bar. You both can finish the movie and give me the rundown when I come back.”

Serenity nodded, “You got it, we’ll take notes. Won’t we buddy?” Nicky nodded, “And we can act it out for you too!” You smiled and played with his hair, “Yes you can, and I look forward to it.” Nick giggled, running back over to climb on the couch and continue watching the movie.

You looked at the college student, brows raised as you let out a breath. She arched her eyebrow inquisitively, “Mama need me time?” You nodded, rubbing your hands on your thighs. “She needs so much me time. Had a bit of a scare at the beach and I need a minute to process it, without him two feet away… God, that sounds so bad doesn’t it?”

She shook her head, grabbing your wrist gently, “Not at all. You need space to breathe, that’s why I’m here – well, and cause I love that little man over there.” You both laughed, glancing over at the couch where Nick was zeroed in on the TV.

Her grip tightened momentarily to gain your attention again. “And you’re doing great, Y/N. Don’t ever question that.”

A rush of tears filled your eyes, a weight you hadn’t realized was sitting on your chest lifting ever so slightly and allowing you to actually breathe again. Biting your lip to keep from crying in front of your son, you hugged Serenity letting out a heavy exhale that released the obsessive thoughts that rattled in your head.

“Thank you…”

Your voice was no louder than a whisper, but your gratitude was nothing short of a scream.

Serenity rubbed your back, “And I will fight anyone that says otherwise. Even you. Understand?” She pulled back only when you did as you nodded and wiped your face. “Good,” she nodded towards your bedroom with a smile. “Now go shower.”

You nodded, squeezing her shoulder in thanks before jogging towards your room.

She smiled after you before turning to your son, clapping her hands as she walked over, “Okay Nicky, let’s make sure we get all the details for Mama.”

After your much needed shower, taking the solitary moment to breathe and let more tears fall to just release the stress, you got dressed in a pair of jeans and an old band t-shirt you had held onto from when you went through your mom’s things. And you added a black jacket because it had clouded over while you were in the shower.

And of course, Nicky gave you the rundown of what you missed of Kung Fu Panda while you got ready before going back to let you finish up.

You took a deep breath as you clasped the guitar pick necklace behind your neck, letting the engraved gold rest against your sternum. Kendall had gotten it for you for graduation, having your favorite lyric of Great Balls of Fire engraved on the front – because he indeed drove you crazy and vice versa. For Christmas, Penny went and had Kendall’s initials engraved on the back, knowing that you’d be giving the necklace to Nicky once he was old enough.

Letting the breath out and calming yourself down, you stepped out of your room and slipped your jacket on as you walked to the door. “Okay, I’m heading out. It looks like it might rain, so just call me if anything happens or you need me to come home, okay?”

Serenity nodded from her spot on the couch, popping a goldfish cracker into her mouth “Got it, go have fun.”

You squatted down and Nicky ran over to give you a hug. “Bye Mama, have fun with Han’man.” You smiled and rubbed his back, “I will. Be good for Ren okay? I won’t be back until after you go to bed, so I love you baby.” You gave him kisses all over his face, “Mwah, I love you sooo much.” He giggled and kissed your temple, “I love you too Mama.”

You shared a smile and he ran back to the couch to curl up in his corner.

“Okay, you know all the numbers Ren. If I don’t answer, call Penny or the bar. Okay, I’m gonna head out now, see if I can beat the rush of pilots that are gonna get grounded soon. I love you both, bye.”

They both waved at you as you grabbed your purse and walked out the door.

About 90 minutes and one Amarello after you arrived, you watched Jake stroll into the bar, his green eyes finding you leaning on the bar immediately despite the crowd in front of him.

“Howdy,” you greeted with a smile as he walked over and leaned on the bar next to you. “Hi, Darlin’,” he replied, grinning down at you.

You glanced around, the bar wasn’t as packed as you thought it would be, but it was still full of pilots since the surprise showers grounded their classes for the rest of the day.

You looked back at Jake, remembering his question from earlier today on the beach. As you drove over and the hour and half you had to yourself at the bar, you had tried your best to prepare your speech, get everything you needed to say in order so you didn’t fuck anything up and miscommunicate your feelings.

Sighing, you closed your eyes, recalling everything you had lined up to tell him. You didn’t look in his eyes, keeping your gaze centered on his chest, knowing his green irises would wipe your memory.

“I’m gonna be honest here Jake…”

He held up his hand, gently interrupting you, “I get it, Y/N. If you still aren’t ready for a relationship, I understand. But I still want to be a friend that you can call, whether it be just to talk to me or if you need help.”

You sighed, relief filling your chest knowing that he was willing to wait, but you still wanted, no needed, to tell him how you were feeling.

You finally looked up in his eyes, swallowing the word vomit of emotions that wanted to escape, “Jake, you have done a lot these past few weeks. You’ve taken the time not only to get to know me but to get to know Nick. That means so much to me, more than you know. And I can tell that Nick already likes you, so I can’t just let you out of our life easily.”

Jake smiled, bashfully looking down at the bar as a chuckle broke through his lips, “I try my best. And I’m a little offended that you thought getting rid of me would ever be easy.”

You rolled your eyes before continuing.

“And I do like you, Jake. I like you a lot. While you are cocky as hell, you’re sweet and a gentleman. It’s just…” You rocked on your feet, thinking of everything you needed to say but couldn’t put into words – your rehearsed lines disappearing into thin air now that Jake was here. Damn those eyes.

You hung your head, trying to see if looking away from him would help re-materialize the pre-coordinated words.

But Jake ducked his head to meet your eyes, showing you he was listening and chasing away your coherent thoughts, “It’s just what, Y/N?”

You glanced at Penny, receiving a reassuring nod from her and sending a short one back. “I’m gonna step outside really quick Pen, watch my drink?” She nodded and gave you a small, encouraging smile.

“Follow me,” you patted Jake's shoulder, and slid your hand down his arm to grab his hand.

You pulled him outside to the covered deck and leaned on the railing, taking a deep breath to inhale the scent of the rain – trying to reign in your racing thoughts.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Jake’s whiskey smooth voice asked as he leaned on the railing as well, his back facing the clouds.

You cleared your throat, dropping your head to look at the damp sand as you pieced together the puzzle of emotions and words in your head.

“My dad died when I was 4… He left my mom alone to raise 2 kids that were too much like their father. I told myself that I need to stay away from service men, definitely pilots. But you, and your perfect teeth and perfect hair, those damn green eyes…”

Jake was flattered but he could feel how this was going to end. You’d build up his ego to cushion his fall when you turned him down.

“You have become an exception to my one rule.” Okay… Jake certainly wasn’t expecting that. “A rule that I gave myself on my own. I’m just scared, Jake. Nick and I have grown so… close to you and I’m afraid–”

Jake lifted your chin, cutting you off, and quietly spoke to you, noting the thin line of tears in your water line. “Hey… I understand. But I’m a damn good pilot, I ain’t goin’ down easy.” You laughed, shaking your head fondly before smiling up at him, “There’s that ego.”

He chuckled softly, his trademark half-smile flashing a canine, “What can I say? But seriously, I will do whatever it takes to get back to you both safe. If that’s what you want.”

You nodded, stepping closer, unconsciously straightening your back to be closer to him, “I want it, I do.” You bit your lip, a shuddering breath escaping your lips.

His soft gaze hardened slightly, reading your body language, but it softened again as he tilted your chin up. “Then why are you hesitating?” You shrugged, shaking your head subtly, “I don’t know.”

You knew why, deep down you knew why you were holding back. Why you wanted to spray the butterflies in your stomach with vinegar. Your brain knew why. But your heart was pounding on your ribcage, trying to get to your brain to tell you it was okay. That you could love again, and it would all be okay.

Jake leaned down, seeing the fight in your eyes. “Is this okay?” You nodded, your breath mixing with his as you looked from his eyes to his lips and back again.

There was a soft eagerness, a puppy in those green eyes waiting to run around, bouncing as he waited for his command – a command only you could give. It was familiar but completely new at the same time. But it felt safe.

Instead of giving him the words he was looking for, you rested your hand on the side of his neck and pressed your lips to his – letting your heart take the wheel.

The kiss was soft, but it didn’t change the fact that butterflies went wild in both of your stomachs. Jake couldn’t help but smile against your lips as he cupped your jaw and tasted the hint of Amaretto on them.

You pulled away, needing to get air into your lungs but Jake chased your lips, catching them in their minty trap. It was clear he came prepared for anything, not that you minded.

Your free hand fisted in his jacket, wafting his cologne into the air – an all consuming, but not overwhelming scent.

You both finally pulled away from the chaste kiss, light headed and breathless. You stayed close, your noses brushing against each other.

“What’s gonna happen when you leave?”

Jake smirked, his breath still tickling your lips as he pulled out his phone, “Well, I’m not sure, but it’d be a hell of a lot easier with your number.” You laughed and finally looked up at him, stepping back a little to take his phone, “Smooth Lieutenant. Very smooth.”

As you and Jake held eye contact a smile settled across your face before you looked down at his phone, typing in your number and sending a text to yourself.

Jake couldn’t help the blush that darked his tanned cheeks at the sparkle of your smile that not even the rain could dim.

You weren’t like anything he’s ever seen before; a strong, single mother that did everything for the sake of her child and someone that had gone through so much at such a young age.

“You’re amazing…”

Jake hadn’t realized what he said out loud until you giggled and looked down at the deck with pink tinted cheeks.

“I said that out loud, didn't I?” He laughed at the end of his question. You nodded, “You did. But I’m flattered, so thank you.”

You messed with his jacket, “And you’re good, Lieutenant. Maybe too good to be true.”

“You’re stroking my ego, Darlin’.” You giggled and gave him a quick kiss, “I better head back in.” He grabbed your waist, “Do you have to?” “Do you want to have fun or not?” He bit his lip and you patted his chest and walked in.

He watched you walk in and shook his head. Laughing to himself he adjusted his posture and went in and straight to the pool table.

You and Jake hung out at the bar for hours after that, having the time of your life.

You danced to the music that came from the jukebox, played darts and you watched him play pool. You drank and ate, Penny keeping an eye on you both because you had to drive back home to your son and Jake did not need a hangover in the morning.

But you didn’t need the drinks to have a good time. Like right now. Jake had suggested another round of darts, but this time, you added a few spins before your throw. Almost like kids getting ready to hit a pinata at a party.

Jake grinned as he spun you around a few times. “Okay, now that you’re properly dizzy, why don’t you try and get a bullseye?”

“You’re kidding me,” you giggled as you swayed a little on your feet. “I doubt I’m gonna hit the target. I can’t hit it when I’m standing straight, what makes you think I can hit it when I’m dizzy?”

He shook his head and turned you by your shoulders to square up to the board. “Who knows, maybe you’ll be better?” You snorted as you raised the dart, “I highly doubt that.” He scoffed playfully, “Just throw the dart, Y/N.”

You giggled, “Okay okay.”

Your tongue poked out of the seam of your lips as your vision swam a bit and you lined up your shot.

Taking a few balk throws, you finally get ready to actually throw it when there is a harsh crack, followed by a loud, booming sound – loud enough to rattle the windows.

“Oh shit!”

Any attempt you had made to actually aim the dart didn’t matter, because when you jumped at the harsh thunder the dart was sent on its own journey.

You laughed at your reaction to the sudden thunder and leaned back against Jake, “I can blame that horrible throw on the thunder, right?” He looked over your shoulder, seeing the dart about a foot and a half under the board in the wall.

“You sure it was thunder?”

Your jaw dropped and you smacked his chest with the back of your hand, “That was uncalled for Seresin. But I walked into that one.” You both laughed as Jake nodded, “Yeah, I guess I can give you another shot Bradshaw.”

“Well, thank you oh so gracious Hangman,” you sassed a little as you readied another dart. “I’m actually gonna try this time.”

He chuckled and crossed his arms as he watched you repeat your process, his eyes drawn to your lips as your tongue once again pokes out.

You managed to throw the dart just as the lights flickered out.

“Are you fucking serious? The weather really doesn’t want me to hit this board,” you grumbled as you pulled your phone out to use your flashlight.

Jake did the same, him immediately shining it at the dart board.

“Look at what we have here, you actually hit the board,” he teased as he walked up to the board. “Not a bullseye, but you hit it.” You flipped your hair, “Look at me go. Mama’s still got it.”

Jake gave you a look, his face deadpanned and his brow low. You held his eyes, yours playfully squinting.

It was a standoff for about 20 seconds before you both started laughing.

“C’mon Mother Goose, let’s go to the bar,” he chuckled as he grabbed your hand gently.

You froze for a second, confused as to where he got that nickname from – forgetting it was just a nursery rhyme to everyone else at that moment.

He looked at you, frowning in concern, “Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”

You shook it off, swallowing as you nodded, “Yeah, yeah… I’m okay.”

With a furrowed brow, he stepped closer, tilting your chin up with a crooked finger, “You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?”

His light tease pulled you back fully.

“N-No, I’m fine, it’s okay,” you said softly as you shook your head. He cupped your cheek, “Are you sure?” You nodded, “Yeah, yeah, just thought of Nicky… He’s not the best with storms sometimes.”

“Do you wanna check in on him? Make sure he’s doing okay? Especially now that the power’s out.”

You chewed on your lip, your thumb and pinky tapping rhythmically on your thigh. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

Jake nodded, “Of course it is! That’s your baby, do not question if it’s okay. It’s always okay.” You immediately open your contacts, “Thank you.”

He smiled, squeezing your hand, “I’ll be at the bar when you’re ready, if you gotta go home, that’s okay.”

You gave him a smile and mouthed a ‘thank you’ as your phone rang, waiting for Serenity to pick up.

Jake nodded again before going over to the bar.

Penny and Jimmy were turning on battery powered lanterns and setting them up around the bar.

“You guys need some help?” Jake offered as he leaned on the bar.

She looked up at him as she sat a lantern down on the bar, “You don’t think you could get the power back on, could ya?”

Jake laughed lightly, “If my call sign was Sparky, I might be able to give it a shot. Unfortunately, it’s not.” Penny shook her head with a laugh, “It’s alright Hangman, once we get these set up, we’ll hopefully get the generator up and running.”

He nodded, “In the meantime, I’ll take two waters, if you can spare them.” She nodded with a smile, “Coming right up.”

As she got the bottles out of the ice bucket she prepped after looking at the forecast, you came over after finishing up your call.

You sighed a little as you sat down.

“Hey,” Jake greeted as he rubbed your knee. “How’s the little man holdin’ up? He alright?” You nodded, smiling as you rested your hand on his, “Yeah, Serenity said he was snuggled up on the couch with his turtle and his manta ray, watching movies with plenty of goldfish crackers.”

Penny popped up, “You have power?”

“Nope,” you laughed a little awkwardly. “He’s watching it on Serenity’s laptop. Which I told her she didn’t have to let him do that. She’s got stuff to do for summer classes but mine was dead. I just hope she doesn’t get behind.”

She gave you your water, “She’s a good kid, I’m sure she’ll be okay for one night.” You nodded and sipped your drink, “Yeah.”

You looked around noticing that everyone started to mellow out since the place was practically pitch black – save for the lanterns.

“Man… seems the lights weren’t the only thing the storm took out. How long until the generator is up and running?” You asked, leaning on the bar.

Penny shrugged, “I don’t know. It depends, we haven’t used it in a few years. It shouldn’t take too long, I think Jimmy checked on it after the clouds rolled in and the forecast changed.”

You nodded and looked around, “Well, maybe some live music can hold everyone over until then.” Penny and Jake furrowed their brows as you grabbed a lantern and went over to the piano.

“What? Did you seriously think that Bradley was the only one of my father’s kids that could play? C’mon now Penny, you should know better than that,” you teased with a playful wink over your shoulder.

Jake furrowed his brow, “Have you been holding out on me Mother Goose?” His tone was entirely playful as he came over to piano with his phone flashlight on as a fresh toothpick hung from his lips.

Penny blinked and looked up, a rush of nostalgia hitting her, “Wait did you just call her ‘Mother Goose’?” Jake looked up at her and nodded as he rolled the toothpick to the other side of his mouth, “Yes ma’am I did.” She nodded and glanced at you as she wiped down the bar, “And um… w-where did that nickname come from?”

He shrugged, “She’s got a little duck on her keychain and she’s a mama. Just kinda makes sense, I guess. Why do you ask?”

You couldn’t help but smile a little as you tapped the keys.

“Oh I was just-” Penny started but you cut her off gently.

“Goose was my dad’s call sign, Jake. A lot of his friends from the Academy and flight school called him ‘Mother Goose’,” you said, emotion present in your voice but you weren’t sad.

Jake stumbled over his words a little, “Oh I-I had no idea. I can stop if you w-want me too.”

You shook your head, a smile gracing your features as you looked up at him, “No no, it’s okay Jake. It definitely shocked me when you called me that earlier, but it’s… nice.”

He smiled back at you and sat down, “I’ll call you whatever you want, Darlin’.”

A giggle slipped past your lips and you were now thankful that the poor lighting hid the blush on your cheeks as you tested more keys.

You took a breath and readied your fingers on the right keys, “Okay okay, let’s get these people fired up.”

Jake arched his brow but then you played the opening notes to a song he heard non-stop in flight school when the class went out to a bar.

“Jerry Lee Lewis? You really are Bradshaw’s sister,” he laughed, gently nudging your shoulder but not so much as to mess you up.

You just rolled your eyes before jumping into the song. “~You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain!~”

Jake chuckled as people in the bar began to cheer, a few patrons jumping in to sing with you. He looked around, seeing that the flashlights on phones had been turned on and everyone’s moods seemed to flip on dime.

“~You broke my will! Oh what a thrill!~”

“~Goodness gracious great balls of fire!~”

His eyes landed back on you, watching you play the piano like he had only ever seen your brother play. It was lively, bringing an energy to the bar that got zapped out with the electricity. Almost as if the lightning hit you and you soaked up all the energy in the bar, and now you were returning it when it was needed.

He felt himself singing along, unable to escape the way that your infectious voice seemed to latch on to everyone that heard it.

Jake had always fought the urge to ‘feel the music’ when it was your brother. Be the one person in the bar unaffected by him. But here with you, he didn’t fight. He didn’t want to fight it. And he was unashamed to be sitting next to you on that piano bench, singing a song that you were sure your brother had played to death.

He saw you smile at him when you noticed it, feeding off of his energy just as much as he was feeding off of yours.

You found yourself looking only at him to see if he was enjoying himself, using him as a reference point for how the rest of the bar was feeling. That your attempt at entertainment was working.

It felt good to see everyone having fun because of you.

Now you could understand why your dad and Bradley did this so often.

Your smile never left your face as you continued to sing, though you hated how the song was coming to an end so soon.

Jake met your eyes as you started the last verse, his smiling matching yours.

“~I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs!~”

“~Real nervous but it sure is fun!~”

He watched your eyes light up as he sang the words back to you and the blush crawled up your neck. You clearly weren’t expecting him to sing that line to you – telling you how you made him feel through the song.

So, he continued to look at you, holding eye contact as he sang through a wide, infectious smile, using the lyrics to convey what he had trouble putting into words once again.

“~Come on, baby! You’re drivin’ me crazy!~”

His heart fluttered when you seemed like you were at a loss for words, despite them already being written for you – all you could do was smile as your muscle memory continued to play.

“~Goodness, gracious! Great balls of fire!~”

You played the last string of notes, your face dangerously close to Jake’s as the soft glow of the lanterns and phone flashlights illuminated his features almost angelically, the lights creating a halo around him and blurring the crowd like a camera focusing in on the subject of its image. His green eyes, though casted in a shadow, twinkled softly as he looked your face over like you were the only thing in the room – and to him, you were.

He was seeing the same thing. The blues of LEDs and the yellow of the lanterns created a harsh but gorgeous contrast on your face as your chest heaved when you attempted to catch your breath and the light sheen of sweat made your skin shine in a way he never thought about before. Your eyes were illuminated, but they held a shine of their own when you looked him over.

The cheers behind him all melded into one sound, one that Jake could confuse for his own heartbeat if it wasn’t pounding against his ribcage.

There was no hesitation this time as he pulled you close by the nape of your neck and pressed his lips to yours with breathless passion.

Your outside hand fisted in his Henley shirt, the fabric warm but a little rough under your fingertips. His heart was thumping rhythmically against your knuckles, giving the butterflies in your stomach a beat to dance to.

His hand moved down to the side of your neck, his thumb finding your pulse point. The sensation of your heartbeat under his fingertips was mesmerizing.

The kiss felt both like an eternity and not long enough when you finally pulled away, both of your lips damp and as your breath mixed as your foreheads rested against each other.

Around you, the crowd was still buzzing with energy, talking to each other as they started mingling again.

But you and Jake couldn’t hear them, not when you're so consumed with one another right there on the piano bench. You were in your own little world, a small sanctuary in the middle of the bar. Just you and him.

Smiling, you can’t stop the giggle from escaping as you try to smooth out where you had gripped his shirt. “That was um…”

“Electrifying?” Jake offered, his dimple appearing as he smirked playfully.

“That’s one way to put it, yeah,” you said with a light, slightly breathless laugh.

He chuckled and opened his mouth to say something else, but the overhead lights flickered for a split second before they stayed steady and the sound of the jukebox started up again.

You both sat up straight, looking around the bar as the patrons started back up in their games they abandoned.

“Would you look at that – one song and you managed to light up the whole bar, literally,” Jake said as he looked from his surroundings and then back to you, taking in how you smiled at everyone having fun again.

You hummed, turning your head with a playful glint in your eye, “Well, thank goodness it was only one song. I don’t know if I could’ve played another one. Unless Twinkle Twinkle Little Star counts.”

Jake laughed as he stood up, offering you a hand to pull you to your feet. “Well, if Nick was here, I’m pretty sure he would have a blast if you played that.”

“Oh, yeah, he definitely would,” you said with a laugh as you pushed some hair out of your face. “Another drink?”

He nodded, fluffing his shirt a little. “I can go for another.”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bar, “Penny!”

After you got your drinks, you and Jake went to a booth by the windows.

“That was really impressive, Y/N. I knew Rooster was good, but he’s not that good,” Jake complimented as he sipped his fresh beer. The bitter liquid soothed his throat, his voice a little raw after singing.

You shrugged and sipped your Amaretto, the warm liquid warming you up from the chill of the rain outside. “I don’t know about that. He’s been playing since he was little. I started getting into piano in, like, middle school. And then in college I um.. I picked up a little guitar.”

Jake watched you bite your lip, your nails tapping against the glass of your drink. He wasn’t entirely sure what caused that far off look to appear in your eyes, a fogginess he wasn’t familiar with. But one thing he did recognize was that flicker of love, a shine of longing and admiration peaking through the fog – like a lighthouse on the shore.

He didn’t know much about Kendall, just what you had told him. He knew that you had met in college, you had been friends before you began dating, and that Kendall played the guitar – his favorite one tucked into the corner of Nick’s bedroom.

You cleared your throat, blinking the fogginess away and pulling Jake out of his thoughts.

You rubbed your hands on your jeans before resting your elbows on the table to talk with your hands, desperate to keep the conversation flowing.

“But like I was saying, Brad and I are very different when it comes to singing and playing the piano. He definitely channels our dad a little more than I do.”

He chuckled and leaned forward, resting his upper body on his forearms, “Well, I think I’m a little biased when it comes to that. But don’t sell yourself short, Darlin’, you put on quite the performance.” He added an unnecessary wink, but it didn’t stop you from smiling and looking at the table to hide your blush.

You lifted your head and smiled at him, sniffling just a little. “Thank you, Jake. That means a lot.”

Jake reached over and squeezed your hand, “Anytime.” He cleared his throat, “If you don’t mind me asking, that song clearly means a lot to you and Rooster, why-why is that?”

Tears stung your eyes a bit, again, but your smile didn’t falter. “Our dad, he um… he played it all the time. And I mean all the time. I’m surprised our mother stayed sane.” Jake reached up and wiped a tear that slipped through. You leaned into his warm palm slightly, as you continued.

“One of our last memories with him was sitting at the piano as he sang that song. Our mom in his lap singing with him without a care in the world about who was watching…” Your voice was a little heavier as you neared the end of your sentence, the memory making you a little emotional.

He smiled and squeezed your hand again, his thumb rubbing your knuckles, “That’s beautiful.” You gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand back.

“Can I show you something?” He asked softly, not wanting to disturb the moment too much.

You nodded and sat up a little straighter, wiping your eyes as you spoke, “Of course.”

Jake nodded his head towards the window and your eyes followed the direction.

The glass was a little foggy, sweating as the cold temperature of the rain was meeting the warm air of the bar and the glass acting like a mediator between the two.

Your brow furrowed in immediate confusion though you weren’t going to question Jake just yet. There was certainly much more to it.

And he proved your suspicions by bringing his finger up to draw in the condensation.

It was a quick drawing, a simple sun with a smiley face and a little heart next to it. But the look on Jake’s face told you it was so much more than just a little doodle on a window.

“That’s really cute Jake,” you said softly, as you smile at him.

His grin widened and he shifted in his seat. “When I was little, I was never good with storms. My sister was even worse. She was scared and I was upset because I couldn’t go play in the rain.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up when he said that, the picture of a young Jake pouting in his room as he watched the rain out of his window in your head – he definitely picked out two droplets to race against each other, maybe even him and his sister picked one and had a competition.

He just smiled at you before continuing.

“My grandma and my mom had this routine with us where they would have us by the bay window in the living room and we would draw in the condensation. And I, of course, rubbed my wet hand on my sister’s face,” he said with a small chuckle.

“That I’m definitely not surprised by. Bradley pestered me too, still does, it’s a brother thing.”

Jake nodded, “Oh yeah, for sure. But aside from that, there was a purpose to why my mom and grandma had us do this. Because as you can see now-” He pointed to the drawing, seeing that it was already dripping and disappearing, more condensation taking its place. “-it’s already going away.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion. You still weren’t exactly sure where Jake was going, but it was clear this was something he held onto and cherished. Especially for him to bring it up now, years later. Plus, he had you roped in now, you were invested in this little smiling sun.

“The whole point of drawing in the fog was because it doesn’t last forever, and neither would the storm outside. Or any storm, really. As I got older, we stopped the window drawings, but my mom kept it up with us for little things. Like when my sister was going through a break up, she drew a sun with a little heart on a note and put it in her backpack. I can bet you that she still has every note, because I know I do.”

Tears pricked your eyes a little bit, “That’s really really beautiful, Jake. Your mom and grandma sound like very wise women.”

Jake nodded, a proud smile pulling at his lips, “They are, I’m lucky to have them.”

You mirrored his smile and you both went back to conversing with each other, planning out ideas for your next ‘not’ date.

“There’s so much to do here, so much it’s like there’s nothing,” you said, laughing as you sipped your drink.

You had listed off a lot of places to go nearby and all the things you could do together, but it all sounded so fun that you were having trouble deciding.

Jake nodded, rubbing his face a little as he laughed, “Yeah, seems like it.” He glanced around, noticing a pool table nearby. “Hey, how about we think on it some more later and just play a game of pool?”

You hummed a little and glanced over your shoulder at the pool table.

A sly smile came over your face as an idea popped into your mind.

You turned back to face him, biting your lip a little, “I um… wow this is embarrassing, I haven’t really ever played pool before.”

Jake squinted at you, almost analyzing you to see if you were just fucking with him. But you just played it up by hiding your face in your hands, hiding the grin that you knew would give you away if he spotted it.

“You’re serious? You’ve never played pool before?”

His tone was inquisitive, but it also had a laugh behind it that he was hiding as best he could and it almost had you laughing.

“No no, I have played before. But it’s just been too long. Last time I played it was maybe 10 years ago when I was in high school, and I was awful.”

Jake’s laugh finally broke through at that.

“Hey! Don’t laugh!” You whined, holding back giggles of your own.

He nodded, trying to stop himself by clearing his throat. “You’re right, you’re right. It’s not funny. It’s… it’s kinda sad actually.”

You dropped your jaw and reached over the table to swat at his shoulder. “Oh shut up!”

He chuckled as he dodged your hand, and you couldn’t help but smile as the corners of his eyes crinkled and his dimples poked through. “Okay okay, I’m sorry. But c'mon let’s play at least one game,” he proposed as he slid out of the booth and stood. He offered you his hand, a wink accompanying his next words, “And I promise I’ll go easy on you.”

You rolled your eyes and took his hand, “Fine, one game.”

A victorious grin crossed Jake’s face as he pulled you to your feet, squeezing your hand as he turned and pulled you to the table. Your lips pulled up in a similar fashion as you stumbled a little when he drug you behind him.

“Okay,” he said as he came to stop at the pool table. “I don’t have to explain the rules, do I?” His brow arched with his question, only using it to further his teasing. You rolled your eyes, hand going on your hip, “No, I know that much, Seresin.” The sass in your tone made Jake laugh, “Alright, Bradshaw, let’s play.”

You nodded and grabbed the two pool cues, “Let’s.”

He chuckled and shook his head playfully as he quickly racked the pool balls. Once they were all in order, he took the triangle off and tossed it on a table as he walked over to you.

His fingers wrapped around the taller cue, his warm hand encapsulating yours.

How had you not realized how large his hand was until now?

“Y/N?”

You shook your head, not having realized that you froze, “Oh um, sorry, sorry.” You let go of the pool cue, clearing your throat as you pushed some hair behind your ear. He chuckled at your sudden shyness, “It’s alright, darlin’. It’s cute when you get all blushy.” You huffed, though a smile pulled at your lips as you shoved his shoulder.

Jake laughed and held his hands up in defense, only slightly jostled by your shove. He gestured to the table and grabbed the cue ball, “Okay, okay, you wanna break?” He punctuated his question by putting the ball on the table with a *clack*.

You bit your lip, still feigning nervousness as best you could. You nodded and walked around to the end of the table beside him.

Tossing the cue up and catching it lower, you leaned over and nearly fell into muscle memory – letting the end come down and rest easy in the dip between your thumb and pointer finger.

You rolled your shoulders a little bit, moving your hand much lower on the stick so you would have less control of the cue. You relaxed your shoulders, letting them drop as your right hand tightened its grip. The maple cue rested on the walnut of the table, using it as the support for the middle of the stick.

Jake tilted his head, taking in your posture. It was… unconventional, and maybe a little awkward. But he wasn’t going to step in just yet, because maybe that stance just worked for you. And the look of concentration on your face was just too cute for him to interrupt.

Much like earlier at the dart board, your brow furrowed and your tongue poked out from between your lips. Jake grinned at the sight, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Nick made the same face when he focused on something. Like if his nose crinkled like yours did when he colored or if he stuck his tongue out when he did a puzzle.

Then his mind wandered a little further.

The image of a little girl appeared in his head, basically a clone of you in your lap as you sat at the piano. You guiding her hand along the keys, then having her repeat the order on her own. Her tongue sticking out as she tries to remember.

But before he can fantasize any longer, he shakes himself out of it once you take your shot.

He watched the tip of the cue whiff the ball as the butt nearly became perpendicular to the floor. “Woah there!”

You covered your mouth with your hand, doing your best to feign embarrassment at your ‘failure’. “Oh.. my.. gosh.. I can’t believe that just happened,” you snorted, laughing at yourself as you looked up at the ceiling, hoping that a blush was covering your cheeks to really sell it.

Jake came over to stand next to you, chuckling just a little. “So um… is that how you held it in high school?” He leaned against the table, the cue snug against his side as he crossed his arms, looking down at his boots as he crossed his ankles before looking up at your profile.

You swallowed as you kept your eyes on the ceiling, and Jake couldn’t help but watch the column of your throat move with the action.

Sighing, you looked at him, “I mean, kinda, like I said, it’s been awhile. But that felt so wrong.” You looked away from him and focused on your cue. “And now I’m embarrassed… because you just saw that.”

He sighed gently, a smile pulling at his lips. While you were embarrassed, he couldn’t help but admire the blush on your skin. He didn’t like the reason, because you shouldn’t be embarrassed, but you looked cute.

He reached out and turned your head to face him, smiling softly at you. “Hey, you don’t have to be embarrassed. It happens, and I guarantee that is not the worst shot I’ve seen.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

He sighed and propped his cue against the wall, “C’mere.” He adjusted the cue ball again and gently pulled you to him when you hesitated to move closer. “I don’t bite, unless you ask,” he whispered the last half of that in your ear, his accent slightly thicker as you felt his lips curl into a smile against the lobe of your ear.

His warm breath raised goosebumps on the skin of your neck, a shiver going down the nerves of your spine. He chuckled, his chest rumbling against your shoulder and making you giggle as a genuine flush covered your face and neck.

“Okay,” Jake said, turning you gently so your back settled against his chest. His hand rested on your hip and everything just felt right. Both of you slotted together like a puzzle piece, it was comfortable.

He looked down at you, “Am I too close?”

Your head shook almost embarrassingly quickly. If anything he wasn’t close enough.

“No no, you’re okay.”

He nodded, smiling at you, “Alright, just let me know, okay?” You swallowed, nodding back, “I will.”

“Alright, now, I’m gonna show you how to properly hold a pool stick. Do what you were doing before.”

You nodded, bending back over and mimicking the stance you had done previously.

Jake looked at you gaging what to adjust. “Okay, so one issue is, your back hand is too low. Don’t shake hands with the bumper.” He took your wrist and tried to slide your hand up but it barely moved. “And you don’t need a death grip on it, it’s not going anywhere unless you move it.” You nodded and relaxed your grip to let him adjust your hand placement.

He moved it to about the middle of the weight and watched your guiding hand adjust itself to a bit more of a natural position.

Smiling, he glanced down at you, “There we go, how does that feel?” You nodded, “A lot better, definitely more comfortable.”

“Perfect, and that’s how you know you’re doing it right. Before you were uncomfortable and it threw off your control. You guide the cue, it doesn’t guide you.”

You snorted a little, hanging your head as you laughed, “You sound like a therapist, or a yoga instructor.” Jake laughed along with you, “Unfortunately I’m neither of those. Not qualified nor flexible enough.”

You arched a brow and looked at him over your shoulder, a cheeky smile on your lips, “Not flexible enough? Oh, that’s a shame.” His eyebrows raised, almost as if he was sizing up a challenge, “Oh is it now? I mean, I’m sure with enough stretching, I’ll be good to go.”

You laughed before shaking your head, “Okay okay, let’s stay on task, Lieutenant, yeah?”

“Right, right, of course.”

Jake cleared his throat as his fingers wrapped around your shoulders, “Okay, being relaxed is fine. But you’re too loose and that makes it awkward.” He slowly pulled them out from their slouched position, straightening your back a little in the process. “That’s better.”

You swallowed a little, the heat of his chest against your back making you both nervous and excited.

“Do you feel more in control?” You nodded at his question, not trusting your voice to be steady. “Good, now, let’s test this.”

Worry shot through you for a moment, afraid he might step back and let you do this on your own – squashing the mini fantasy that you created.

But your worry was smothered when Jake adjusted his own stance, his knees nudging the backs of your thighs. His right hand encased your own as his left hand acted as a stand for yours – keeping your guiding hand steady.

“Loosen your grip, Duckie. It’s not gonna change your power. In pool, the speed determines the power.”

Jake’s voice was steady, but it was raspy as he spoke in your ear again. His breath fanned along your ear lobe and your jaw, raising goosebumps once again.

He felt your wrist and hand relax a little, and he just hoped you couldn’t feel his heart beating against your back.

“Alright, there we go. Now, all you gotta do is bring it back and–”

His sentence fell short as the felt tip collided with the cue ball and he felt a vibrating sensation against his hip.

“See? So much better. And now, if that’s your phone in your pocket, I think you’re getting a call.”

He stepped back and let you stand straight as you pulled your phone out.

Your heart dropped slightly when you saw Serenity’s contact flash across your screen.

Did something happen to Nick? Was he okay? Did something happen to the house? What went wrong?

Jake must have noticed that your face changed on dime, because his face fell into one of concern. “Y/N? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

Was it Serenity? Was it Bradley? Was it a chaplain? Or hell an NCIS agent?

“It’s Serenity,” you said as you pressed the green answer button and brought the phone to your ear. “Hey Ren, what’s up?”

Jake sighed in relief, his worst thoughts going off to the wayside in favor of just worried thoughts.

You brought your hand up, chewing on the edges of your nails as she spoke.

“Hey, Y/N, everything’s okay–”

Jake watched your body visibly relax, your hand rubbing at your mouth much like he’d seen Bradley do when he was stressed.

“Nicky’s okay? Nothing’s on fire?”

“No, nothing’s on fire. But Nicky is not wanting to go to bed without you here. I think it's the rain, the storm I should say. He doesn’t want to go to his room. Won’t even get up off the couch.”

You sighed but nodded, “Okay, I’ll be there in a little bit. Get his turtle and his manta ray, then get my body spray and lightly spritz a blanket and let him curl up on the couch until I get there.”

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I know you wanted to have a fun night out… I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m glad you called. I’ll be home in a little bit.”

You hung up and looked at Jake, “I’m so sorry, Jake. Nicky is–”

He held his hand up, “Nope, no apologies, go be with your baby. We can meet up later. Tell Nicky I said ‘hi’.”

Your heart skipped a few beats as you smiled at him. He smiled back and nodded towards the front door, “Now go Mother Goose, you got a duckling waiting on you.”

The look in his eyes was nothing short of fond, the yellow overhead lighting making his eyes a comforting shade of green.

He wasn’t upset at all, no disdain for your sudden departure on his features. Was he disappointed? Yeah, but you were always going to be a mother first. He couldn’t and would never get in the way of that, or try to change it.

You hugged him, and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist in reciprocation.

“Thank you,” you kissed his cheek in thanks as you pulled away from the hug. “You don’t have to thank me, Darlin’. Just text me or call me when you get home safe, okay?” He said with a smile, gently squeezing your shoulders.

You nodded, matching his smile, “Of course, as long as you do the same?” He winked, “You got it.”

He grabbed your purse for you, “Drive safe, Sweetheart.” You nodded, “I will. Bye Jake.” “Bye Y/N.”

You smiled at him again before going over to the bar, patting the top with the palm of your hand. You opened your mouth to get Penny’s attention but she was already smiling at you. “Heading out?” Your head tilted as you nodded, “Yeah, how’d you know?” She shrugged, nodding down to the bag hanging off your shoulder, “Lucky guess.”

Chuckling, you pulled your wallet out, “Nicky won’t go to bed, the storm is keeping him up.” You pulled out a fifty, “For my drinks and Jake’s, the rest is your tip.” Penny shook her head, pushing the money back towards you, “That’s way too much, Duckie. 25 is plenty. Plus, Jake’s tab is open and your drinks are on it.”

“Penny Benjamin–”

“Y/N Bradshaw, don’t argue and go home to your son,” Penny pointed to the door to punctuate her order, the damp towel swaying slightly from her movement.

Huffing out a ‘fine’, you put the fifty away and put a ten on the bar, “I’m still tipping you, because I love you. Not as much as you deserve, but you’re gonna fight me on it.” She smiled gratefully at you, taking the bill, “Thank you, now go home. Text me when you get there.”

You patted the bar again, “Yes, ma’am. I’ll see you later, don’t let Jake get too drunk.”

With that you walked to the door, though Penny stopped you with a shout.

“That was an Oscar worthy performance by the way!”

You rolled your eyes, waving to her as you slipped your jacket on, “Bye Penny!”

phew!

that was a long one huh? but hey, we finally got a kiss! they kissed!! and before hand we got a little peak into duckie's insecurities as a mom. though we can all agree she's pretty great right?

i hope you guys liked this chapter and are ready to see where the next chapter takes duckie, nicky, and jake!

hi darlings i know it's been a long time, too long, but like i said before -- i wanted to make sure this was a chapter i was proud of and lately my creative battery just wouldn't behave and it's been hard to write and like what i write. but i think... i think i did it here.

my ducklings <33:

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@horseshoegirl @startrekfangirl2233 @babyreads @amatswimming @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @hangmansgbaby @callsignwidow @kmc1989 @goodstuff28 @pjngpp3501 @lunamoonbby @joyfulpandamiracle @craftyinfluencersandwich @averyhotchner @emily-roberts @teenwolf01 @sunderland-6 @bethabear12

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#duckie universe #duckie #duckie bradshaw #nicky bradshaw #duckie and nicky #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #🤠🐤#duckie and jake #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #jake hangman seresin x bradshaw!reader #jake seresin x bradshaw!reader #bradley bradshaw x sister!reader #bradshaw!reader #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fanfiction #sarahsmi13s

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ohbo-ohno · 7 months

Note

absolutely love the shock collar thing for ghoap x reader, especially post accident where they're both grovelling and super guilty for what happened because for once, neither one of them have nothing to use for punishing reader. that's all on them (Simon, mostly, but Johnny's just as guilty).

with that being said, I'd like to introduce this scenario:

maybe just a little bit of time passes. maybe they don't try to have outside time for a little while because reader absolutely detests the thought of the incident happening again since they lied to her the first time. not intentionally but she doesn't think otherwise because it wouldn't be the first time they made her break rules so that they can have an excuse to punish her and the "accident" as they said, might have been exactly that but this is worse because they lied to her face about it. so she doesn't want to give them any more excuses to hurt her again.

it actually gives her so much anxiety that it affects her way of thinking and the way she acts to the point where months go without her getting out of line. not once does she disobey them. not even giving just a little🤏 sarcasm in case one of them turns a complete 180 and goes apeshit on her. and at first, that's fine. it's what Simon might have wanted— complete obedience from his pet. but after a while, he starts to hate it because he can see that it's out of fear.

even when he tries to give her affection, that little flinch twists something in his dead heart. it's no better with Johnny either because she just receives his affection too with very little reaction. as if she's just going through the motions and waiting for it to end and not because she wants their affection.

they've been grovelling and trying to convince her that she's not in trouble for anything and trying to get her genuine reactions and trying to get her to be happy with them again, but anything they do is met with wide eyes, flinching, freezing or something else equally as negative.

but they don't know the extent of that fear until at dinner, one of them makes the mistake of mentioning outside time again and reader just... breaks down. like breaks into tears, hyperventilating and drops into fetal position (maybe even hide under the bed or in the closet) and begging them not to hurt her again because she's been a good girl like they wanted :(

and Simon has never hated himself more because he just wanted to see something other than fear in her eyes for once.

(is 🪐-anon taken? i feel like i'm going to frequent this area)

hey babe stay as long as you want! i will probably only grow more disturbed the longer i write. i didn't add a whole lot to this ask because honestly it stands really well on it's own, so tysm for sending it to me <3

i looved answering the shock collar asks, so fucked up and horrible in one of my favorite ways. that unintentional betrayal that can't taken back, their anger at your rightful distrust, you suddenly being totally averse to something you'd been begging for for weeks, oh it's all so horrible.

i really like the idea of reader becoming actively distressed when they want her to go outside again. she can't help but think they're going to trick her again, is determined to not allow that to happen under any circumstances. they didn't punish her past the shock last time, but who knows what they might do next time? no. it's simply not worth the risk

she doesn't really have a breakdown until simon calmly suggests they might force her outside if she keeps refusing - for her own health, he goes on, but she's already deep in the throes of panic by that point

it takes a long time for them to coax her into relaxing again, even longer for her to even look them in the eyes

simon doesn't mention forcing you outside again.

#🪐 anon #dlmliyh #asks and answers #i shouldve tagged these shock collar asks so i could find them again but whtvr

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highseas-swede · 6 months

Text

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

#Aziraphale #Good Omens #Good Omens Meta #good omens s2 #aziraphale meta #crowley x arizaphale #CPTSD discussion

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planetsxmore · 1 year

Text

SHORT MESSAGES FROM YOUR FUTURE LOVER

one two three

four five six

lowkey inspired to make this as i saw a few other blogs - this a short pac that'll consist of complete/incomplete sentences channeled by your future lover/spouse/soulmate- choose your pile carefully! - you can choose more than one pile if you'd like - used intuition and rw tarot deck for this reading - this is a general reading and may or may not resonate for you all - stay positive,and hydrated loves <33

your likes and reblogs will be appreciated •

ꕤ PILE 1

you're the sunshine to my darkness

are you okay? because i'm not

stop doubting yourself,you're amazing and complete! i love you for how you are -

i can't wait to have you in my arms but i know that's not possible - even after we meet because it'll take us time to realize how much we love each other

the color blue is our color..

it takes time to heal wounds and broken hearts

you're the best thing that ever happened to me

i'm insecure and i'm afraid you'll run away from the scars i have...

let us dance all night,talk all night - love all night...

i love your smile,it's adorable

ꕤ PILE 2

stop it,you're tickling me...

we're literally more than friends,more than best friends even....

it's uncanny the way we both understand each other. words aren't even needed to express what we want to communicate with each other

we're weird,and we know it- and frankly speaking we don't don't care *wink*

our love is more like an understanding - it's pure,less of the lust and more of the emotional love - we laugh with each other,cry with each other and do absolutely everything together - if we haven't met,i know it's unbelievable for you but you'll believe me once we meet, darling.

you hate my pet,why tho?

our dates are the best - they're soo secretive yet soo quirky lol

you hate it when i snort/snore/slurp - but i can't help it love xD

i gave you my everything yet you didn't think of it alot. why does it feel unrequited at times?

our taste is very similar..in almost alot of things

ꕤ PILE 3

i really love the way your body looks or may look,keeps me guessing...

you're a little too sensitive,can you be a little open? i mean c'mon life's about fun - don't waste yourself overthinking most of the time

whenever i listen to love songs,it reminds me of you..

you're jealous of my exes,but what am i suppose to do if i'm soo hot --

i feel as though so much,so much could be better between the two of us. i'm a little impatient in everything and i can't change that,love - i've tried, trust me

idk why you're soo shy,i'm all in for you -

i hope you understand that i'm not the one to believe in "happy ever after-s" - it's life,babe - we gotta understand it's not a storybook

i love it how you listen to me,it makes me feel as you're the one for me for life - but again,i don't believe in story tales - kinda love. i love it fast - and quick -

clinginess is not anything i love neither co dependency

i love it when my gifts make you happy - the twinkle in your eyes are everything!

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very toxic lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with this,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 4

close your eyes and imagine - i know you'll feel me around you...

i love how we do homely activities together (cooking/cleaning/working etc.)

you and i are equals. - equals for life

we argue like little kids and make out at the very next moment..

you're my jellybean and i'm your savior.

you always end up in trouble and i always end up fixing it all for you,but i'm with you don't worry

i'll find you but you need to be strong till then! don't let your feelings out for just anyone please

you like my car and i like your lips ...*winks*

it's soo funny how you'll hide your feelings for me and it'll be obvious at the same time..i'll do the same thing.. honestly it'll be a circus and we'll be like two clowns until we confess

please bear with me when i close off. i have past baggages that make me feel isolated at times and opening up can be difficult. just stay with me,i promise i'll open up for you,love.

ꕤ PILE 5

you're literally my drug - i don't know if it's toxic or not,but all i know is that i feel strongly for you ... strongly.

you love my hugs,i know you do .

i know i'm usually very busy and taking out time can be difficult - but i'll manage i promise,just don't go away with anyone else.

you're my favorite - my utmost favorite

maybe sometimes you'll feel as though i'm selfish - wanting all of your body,time and love for myself while i give you less -- but what can i do,love? it's just the way i am. i crave you... can't see you with anyone,even your work bothers me at times when you ignore me because if it - i'm sorry,i'll try to work in these habits...but habits are difficult to change y'know?

i'm possessive,yes i am. i don't want any third party between us - any !

you love our long drives and dinner dates , and i love them with you too !

i love you. i love you right? it's not infatuation,it's not obsession !

i love it when you smile for me, because of me - i love to be your source of happiness!

just be mine, please. when you crush on anyone apart from me,i feel -- i just don't feel good,even if it's a celeb.

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very possessive lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with the possessiveness,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 6

we're soulmates,yes we are.

do you know how much i had to think over before approaching you? why are you always soo - soo intimidating y'know lol

we're opposite poles of magnets. two parts of a heart - we fit perfectly.

listening to music together soothes me..

i can be a little workaholic but trust me sweetheart, whenever i get time - i rush to you,for you. i just want to build the most stable future for us. I see you in my future..

i'm a little inexperienced in relationships - they never excited me until you came in the picture..

i do whatever i can for you, but if something still bothers you - please,tell me. i don't mind you telling me what i can do better.

love me forever.

i'm all yours,love. the good and the bad. just like the raw ..

i'm scared that our families won't accept us but, no matter what,i'm with you. we'll work through this - you just work on yourself right now, don't stress out. we'll be with each other,as soon as the universe thinks it's time

#planetsxmore #pac reading #pick a card #future spouse #future lover #free tarot readings #pac #tarot #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #intuitive readings

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kingarubin · 1 year

Text

I was thinking about Collector and remembered that episode from season one. It's similar but at the same quite different to what Collector is going through.

Both King and Collector just want to spend time playing with their best friend, but things seem to never go they way. They are trying to have fun and it doesn't work.

And even when they all are together they feel like they don't belong with the rest. The others seem to have so much fun together while they are being left out.

Also, in both cases a villain took notice of their insecurites and use them to manipulate them.

But despite all these similarities there are major differences between those situations. And the most important one is the motivation behind King and Collector's actions.

The problem that King was dealing with was that he wasn't anymore Luz's only friend on the Boiling Isles. At first it was just the three of them (with Eda being Luz's mentor, not equal) and now she was meeting more and more new people. King never had any close friends besides Luz so seeing her have less and less time for him was really difficult. King was scared of losing Luz to others.

King was jealous of Willow and Gus. That resulted in him wanting to separate them from Luz so that she could spend all her time with him. He wanted to have her all for himself.

That desire manifested in him being desparate to obtain friendship braceletes for them. He needed to have a proof that he is the most important person to Luz, that they really are best friends.

But in the end the end King learned that it's okay that Luz has other friends. This was represented in frienship braceletes spiliting into four parts. Because you don't have to have one friend, you can have three or more. They all can be friends with each other.

Meanwhile Collector's problem was that they never really had any friends. Archivists, Belos and even King just wanted to use them. Titans who were kind to him were gone. He never had a chance to learn how to play and be a good friend.

And from what we know it's safe to assume that their way of "playing" by turning people into puppets is something that they were taught by the Archivists.

Collector was jealous of Luz because she had exactly what they wanted. She came to the Boiling Isles and managed to gain trust and friendship of a lot of people. Collector had no idea how to do that.

And there was also her relationship with King. King was Collector's best friend, but Collector wasn't King's best friend. King didn't have any close friends before Luz came but Collector had no one (King at least had Eda). King was not only the most important person in their life, he was the only one they had. But Collector wasn't even close to being as important to King as he was to them.

But unlike King, Collector was never trying to keep King for himself. He doesn't even seem to be a person who would get jealous easily. They released Lilith from the spell and they didn't want to turn Eda into a puppet, instead wanting to convince her to join the game. He wasn't trying to separate King from the others. Because in the end they just wanted to be everyone's friend. They just didn't know how.

Both King and Collector know what it's like to feel unwanted and alone. They both know the feeling of wanting to spend time with a person that they consider to be their best friend, yet having trouble doing that. And they both know what it's like to feel unimportant to the person that is important to them. Although the circumstances and problems they were facing were quite different.

It turned out to be much bigger analysis that I expected, haha. At first I wanted to just point out similarities that I noticed (since King and Collector are very similar), but then I thought that if I'm comparing those episodes I can also take some time to look at the differences between them. So that would be it. Thank you for reading my thoughts!

#the collector toh #king toh #king clawthorne #platinum bones #the owl house #toh #analysis #toh analysis #essay #ramblings #its almost 3 am i should probably go to sleep

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mikachacha · 7 months

Text

𝙸 𝙺𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙰 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝙸𝚍𝚘𝚕! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You're a famous idol and you love it but there's just one rule that doesn't sit with you, you're not allowed to date. You're so in love with Bada, the person who's doing most of your song choreographies and she is equally as in love as you are.

Warnings: idk yet. Maybe just a lot of fluff?

(A/N: @asweetcollide you and your amazing song suggestions 🥺🫶)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

"Bada I couldn't do this anymoreeee.." you whined and Bada raised an eyebrow, looking at you sprawled out on the floor of the studio. She was thinking you were tired from practicing already but you had a different dilemma.

"If you want, we can call it a day then we continue tomorrow. Is that okay with you?" Bada asked as she sat down on the floor beside you. You rolled over and looked up at her, your eyes gleaming from happiness.

"Yes please! Can we go have a picnic instead?" you asked and she chuckles, nodding her head. She really couldn't say no to you at this point. She loves you way too much.

"Fine, we're going on a picnic so go home and get changed. I'll be picking you up in an hour." Bada says and you cheered before rushing to go back to your apartment. You made sure to make yourself look pretty even though it's only you and Bada together. You found a spot where you regularly go with Bada, it's a park that a few people goes to and you love it since you can finally be yourself without cameras and crazy people trying to take you and Bada down from the spotlight.

An hour has passed and Bada came to pick you up for your impromptu picnic date. She could feel her heart beat fast and cheeks creeping up her cheeks as she saw you looked so pretty in your outfit. The both of you got inside her car and she placed a kiss on your cheek when she fixed your seat belt for you.

"You looked so pretty, Y/N.. It's like I'm going on a date with an angel right now.." Bada praised and you giggled, cheeks red at her compliment.

"You look really pretty, too.. I don't know how but you give a feminine and masculine energy at the same time and it's making my heart go insane at how good looking you are, Bada.." you rambled a bit dramatically which mada Bada laugh and shake her head in pure amusement.

Bada drove while you're her pretty passenger princess that's spamming her phone with your selfies. You and Bada aren't exactly together but you go on dates whenever you can. You want to be with her but you weren't really allowed to date, let alone date a woman. The both of you will get in trouble and it made your heart ache.

"What's wrong, sweet cheeks?" Bada asked as you suddenly became quiet and looking upset. You huffed and sighed before turning to look at her. You couldn't bear the thought of not being with her but you also didn't want both your careers to suffer. You worked so hard to be where you are right now and Bada as well. But you can't deny that you're in love with her. You're torn between your feelings and the consequences it will create not only for you but for Bada as well.

"I'm just thinking about this, about whatever we have right now.." you told her and she reached out to hold your hand, giving it a light squeeze. She knows that it's hard for you, the same thoughts are running through her head and it's driving her crazy.

Bada parks the car and leads you to your usual spot, by the pond. She sets up the picnic and lets you go roam around a bit. When you got back, you were holding a small puppy that you found abandoned near the pond. You felt sorry for it so you picked it up and brought it over to where Bada was. The both of you ate and rested for a bit before talking about all of your worries regarding to what's going on between the two of you.

"I badly want to be called as your girlfriend, Bada. I really do but I also don't want to ruin our careers because of that. I know for a fact that you worked so hard to be where you are right now and I don't want to take that away from you.." you said as you laid your head on her shoulder. Bada sighs and kissed the top of your head. Her heart fluttered at your confession that you wanted to be her girlfriend which she found really adorable.

"Y/N.. You can still be my girlfriend. We can still be girlfriends. The world doesn't have to know it just yet.. We can just keep it a well guarded secret that only the two of us knows. Well, that puppy knows but he can't talk so it doesn't matter.." she says, joking on the last part just to cheer you up. You looked up at her, tears brimming your eyes and just hugged her which she returned.

"Sounds good to me, Bada. We're girlfriends now.. You, me, the puppy and this spot are the only ones to know that what we have is real.." you smile and placed a kiss on her lips, a sign that even when kept a secret, your love for each other still remains.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader #so much fluff

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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 1 year

Text

Ngl, I'm a slut for hybrid AUs (it's probably the weeb in me). So, if you see more in the future, don't be surprised lol. This idea came to me out of nowhere but, I felt compelled to write about it because there's no such thing as too much Bunny! Jeonghan fanfic (I don't even know if Bunny! Jeonghan fanfic is out there). Apparently I can only write about Jeonghan when it's in relation to bunnies. Enjoy.

Heads up: Yoon Jeonghan x Fem! Reader, hybrid AU, slight crack honestly because hybrid AUs, friends/roommates to lovers, Jeonghan is a bunny hybrid, Reader is just a regular degular human, Jeonghan is in heat so potentially grey area when it comes to consent incase that makes you uncomfortable, oral sex (f. receiving), dirty talk, unprotected piv sex, unrealistic sex (Jeonghan still being hard after cumming), creampies and this ended up being pretty long so fair warning.

I will block you if you are minor and have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

When Vernon first introduced you to Jeonghan, you were a little taken aback. You had only met a handful of hybrids in your lifetime and, they all tended to either be cat or dog hybrids. You'd never met a bunny hybrid before. The way his black, floppy ears moved and twitched when he spoke was endlessly distracting. His fluffy tail was even moreso. It didn't help that ontop of all of that, that he was an extremely charismatic man with perhaps the cutest smile you'd ever seen.

You were in trouble.

However, you needed a roommate to help you with rent and Jeonghan was the perfect option. Luckily, he was looking for a place to live too and it was all history from there. You'd never lived with a hybrid before but, outside of the occasional unfamiliar habits here and there, Jeonghan had proven himself to be both an amazing roommate and a great friend over the past year. Which didn't exactly help your budding feelings for him. It was really only a matter of time before you developed romantic feelings for your roommate. He was kind, smart, funny, endearingly mischievous but he knew how to walk a fine line and never go too far, considerate and not to mention unfairly good-looking. To name a few reasons off the top of your head.

"Fuck," you hear Jeonghan curse from the living room, partially distracting you from the sandwich you were making for lunch. "What's wrong?" You ask, trying to split your attention as best you can between listening to him and finishing your food. "I forgot to get my stupid heat suppressants. I've been so occupied with work this week and meeting deadlines that I completely forgot to head to the pharmacy. Ugh," he responds, sounding equal parts annoyed and frustrated.

You pause from making your sandwich.

Heats are something you've heard about vaguely and understand in concept but, you haven't touched that subject with Jeonghan, or any other hybrids really. You just knew most hybrids took suppressants so they could function normally because heats can become all consuming very quickly. However, sex in general is something you avoid bringing up when it comes to Jeonghan. Least your mind wonder about what he looks like completely naked, what he feels like, the sounds he makes...

"You okay?" His question startles you out of your thoughts. You're wondering when he managed to make his way into the kitchen but, then again you weren't exactly being the most aware. "Mhm, just thinking. So, what do you plan to do?" You ask him, trying to change the topic as quickly as possible. Jeonghan really doesn't need to know about your previous thoughts of him.

"I'm going to try my best to get my hands on a few tomorrow morning because my heat is closer than I realised. I don't want to risk it," he says, running his fingers through his hair in agitation. You try not to coo at seeing his ears flop in annoyance. Grabbing a plate to place your now complete sandwich onto, you shoot him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure it'll all work out, Hannie."

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Between work for Jeonghan and university for you, the two of you haven't had much time to spend together these past few days. It's a little embarrassing just how much you miss him. Vernon teasing you about it every chance he gets, sometimes with Chan chiming in. You shouldn't have told those two losers anything. They're so annoying. Regardless, you've decided to just stay home this weekend and melt into your couch while catching up on some anime and TV shows. University leaving you feeling like a shell of a human being.

It's in this state that Jeonghan finds you when he finally gets home. You're a little surprised because he's home earlier than usual but, it's a pleasant surprise nonetheless. "Hey," you greet him from your spot on the couch, comfortably cuddling one of the cushions. "Hi," he says back but, he sounds...off. Dazed or distracted maybe? You're slightly more concerned when he enters the living room and you actually see him.

His ears are laying flat against his head, his eyes slightly glassy and his cheeks dusted a light shade of pink. You get up quickly, now worried. "Hey Hannie, are you okay?" You ask, tentatively reaching out to him. "Y-Yeah. It's just- I- it's my heat. I think I took the suppressants too late for them to work," he says, squirming a little where he stands.

Oh.

Well, this is definitely a problem.

"Oh um well, what can I do to help? How do you usually get through them without the suppressants?" You ask, trying to remain as neutral and helpful as possible. Jeonghan glances at your hand that's come to rest on his bicep before meeting your eyes with his glassy ones. Now you're struggling to not to squirm under his intense gaze. He looks like he wants to devour you. He seems to remember himself though and finally responds, "I haven't had a heat in years. It was pretty...intense last time which is why I eventually decided to go on the suppressants. My choices are either to sweat it out or fuck it out."

What even is your life?

"Oh uh okay. Well, I could help you get to bed and you could sweat it out there? I'll be in my room if you need me for anything," you suggest, willing yourself to ignore the heat radiating from him and the way he's looking at you right now.

"You won't come to bed with me?" This man even has the audacity to pout! While you and Jeonghan are no strangers to the occasional hug and cuddle, cuddling him in this state just feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

"No, Hannie but, you can call when you need something, okay?" You reassure him. You're completely thrown off when he pulls you into a rather intimate hug, his nose pressed against your neck.

"Jeongha-"

"You smell so good. You always smell so good. Feel good too," he mutters against your skin, his breath sending shivers down your spine.

Frankly, you're reeling from all of this. Slowly you begin to untangle him from your body. "Let's get you to bed," you say with an air of finality, taking his larger hand in yours and pulling him to his room. Trying your best to completely ignore the ghost of his mouth so close to your neck and, his whines of protest as you drag him along.

This was going to be a long few days.

"I'm still in my work clothes," he says with a pout on his face when you finally sit him down on his bed. "It's so hot," he complains, already unbuttoning his dress shirt and shrugging it off.

Drawing on ever ounce of your self-control you make sure to look away, trying to give him some privacy and respect. You feel your heart pound in your ears when you hear the sound of him undoing his belt buckle next. "Hannie, what're you doing?" You ask, hoping he doesn't notice the shakiness in your voice.

"I feel hot," is all the response you get.

Eventually he seems to still.

"Is-is it okay if I turn around?" You ask him cautiously, wringing your hands together infront of yourself nervously.

He hums affirmative and, you take a moment to steel your nerves before turning to eventually face him.

You've only seen Jeonghan this undressed a handful of times. You could probably actually count the number of times on one hand. He tended to be rather modest and, having him infront of you in nothing but, his boxers was quickly overwhelming you.

It was all the more made worse by the blatant want creeping its way onto his face.

"Do you just want to stay in your b-boxers?" You ask, feeling warmth crawling its way up your face from embarrassment and completely unasked for arousal.

Jeonghan takes a second to respond to you, his eyes looking up and down your frame languidly. Licking his lips he says, "Yeah. I just feel really warm."

"Okay, well just let me know if you need anything," you say hurriedly, turning to reach for his door's handle. You're startled to feel his hand grab your opposite wrist. He wasn't joking. His hand feels like a furnace right now.

"Wait," he says, voice pitched significantly lower than a few moments ago.

You turn to face him and the air stills in your chest. If you thought he looked like he wanted to devour you earlier, the look on his face now was somehow more intense. Even in all your oblivion and denial, you'd be stupid to think his eyes showed anything but, barely constrained desire.

"Hannie what-"

"I want you. Please. It starting to hurt," he all but, groans. Your heart rate ticks up at his words. He completely shocks you yet again.

"Jeonghan, this is your heat talking. You don't want me," you try to reason with him, ignoring the sting you feel from your own words.

"That's not true. I've wanted you for months now. God, how could I not? Especially when you walk around in tiny shirts like the ones you're wearing now or, flimsy shirts that I can see your nipples through. I can smell you, you know? When you're wet, when you cum. It takes everything in me not to just barge into your room and offer my mouth or my fingers or my cock to help get you off."

Yoon Jeonghan sure has a knack for leaving you speechless. Especially when he's in his heat, it seems. All you can do is stare back at him wide-eyed, mouth agape probably looking like a fool.

"If you don't want me, that's okay. I'd never force you to do anything you don't want to but, you don't get to tell me how I feel."

He let's go of your wrist and, you feel rooted to the floor of his room. Completely unable to move.

"Jeonghan, I- I didn't know," is all you can manage to utter out and, the self-deprecating smile he gives you breaks your heart.

"How could you have? I never told you. Now I'm slowly losing my self control and, I finally find the courage to tell you how I feel. Very smart," his laugh is completely devoid of humour and without much thought, you kiss him.

Jeonghan has gone completely still against you. The kiss is brief and a little clumsy but, you hope it gets your point across.

"I want you too. I have for a really long time. Longer than I care to admit, honestly," you say once you've pulled away, cupping his handsome face in your hands.

Before you can blink, Jeonghan's mouth is on yours once again but, he doesn't hold back as much as you did. His hands grip your hips as he pulls you towards him, eagerly kissing you and already trying to lick into your mouth.

Your insides throb painfully when you feel is cock press into you, hot and heavy through the very thin materials of his boxers and your night shirt.

A gasp flies from your lips, hungrily swallowed by Jeonghan, when he begins to rut into you. One of his hands grabbing a generous handful of your ass as he helps you move against him. Your panties are starting to stick to you now, being swept up in all that is Jeonghan and the sensations he provides to your touch starved body.

His lips kiss the corner of your mouth before moving to dot kisses against your jaw until his mouth eventually reaches your neck. Your hands move to grab his biceps, fingernails slightly biting into the skin there as he makes quick work of your neck. Kissing, nibbling and sucking to his heart's content. You're sure you'll likely have bruises decorating your neck tomorrow. Abruptly he stiffens and you're worried that something is wrong. However, before you can ask him what's going on, he's dragging you onto his bed. Gently pushing you onto your back, feral eyes taking you in.

"I can smell you. You smell divine," is all he says as an explanation before pulling into another heated kiss, situating himself between your thighs.

You don't really have time to dwell on the knowledge that he can smell your arousal because his cock is thoroughly distracting you. It feels hotter than before, brushing your clit a few times as Jeonghan moves against you once again.

You're just glad the walls of your apartment are decent because the way you and Jeonghan are moaning against each other is bordering on obscene.

One of his hands begins to tug your oversized shirt up impatiently. Mildly concerned that he may rip it in his impatience, you help him tug it off and toss it onto the floor. Jeonghan's lips are around one of your hardened nipples before you can fully comprehend what's happening. His hand massaging the unoccupied breast.

Your back arches instantaneously from his ministrations, nails leaving faint pink marks in their wake on his biceps. "Hannie," you cry out, pressing your hips up to get some sort of relief for the painful, incessant throbbing between your thighs. His answering groan against your skin on serving to overwhelm you further. You're pretty sure your panties are completely ruined now.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this. Just wanna bury my face in your tits for hours or, fuck them until you're covered in my cum," he says after removing your nipple from his mouth with an obnoxious pop. You wonder if his mouth is always this filthy or this is just the heat talking. Either way, you're not exactly complaining.

"You can do whatever you want with me Hannie but, later. I need you. Please," you whine out, hips grinding up into his to emphasise your point.

"Anything. Anything for you, baby," he moans, moving to pull off your panties and shorts. Leaving you completely bare under his gaze. Not giving you the time or opportunity to feel self-conscious, he kisses his way down your stomach. Eyes watching ever minute change in your face and, ears listening for all your little noises of pleasure.

When Jeonghan first licks at your soaking slit, it's difficult to tell who moaned louder. Your eyes rolling into the back of your head and, his determined to still watch you although he finds himself dangerously close to shutting them to fully immerse himself in the pleasure of eating you out. His tongue finds your swollen clit easily, pressing brief kisses against it alongside some kitten licks. Gauging what you respond to better. Jeonghan finds his rhythm eventually, lips and chin becoming coated generously with your juices. He does have to use of his hands to keep you in place, you're squirming and arching so prettily for him but, it makes it more of a challenge to feast on you like you deserve.

One of your hands flies to his head, careful to avoid pulling on his ears, when he pushes two of his long fingers inside of you. Curling them deliciously and hitting just the right spot inside of that has you crying out and pulling on his hair.

Jeonghan is so hard he can barely think straight, his boxers soaked now in his pre-cum. He grinds his hips against his bed, searching for some kind relief. He's determined to prepare you properly to take his cock, even though his more animalistic urges whisper for him to sink into you right now and leave you thoroughly filled with his cum. Banishing those thoughts from his mind for now, he diligently licks your clit and gradually adds a third finger to stretch you out further.

Jeonghan almost cums along with you when the dam eventually breaks. Your insides grip his fingers so tightly that he can barely keep moving them, your juices gushing onto his face and hand as he desperately laps up everything he can. The grip on his hair stings now but, Jeonghan couldn't care less. He was finally getting to have you like this. He wasn't going to start complaining now. The high pitched keening noises you make only egg him on, still licking at you as your hips switch under his hand.

"H-Hannie, too much," you say hoarsely, trying to move away from his expert fingers and mouth. If Jeonghan wasn't in his heat, he'd make you cum until you were in tears but, that could always happen another time. He's in no hurry to play out every fantasy he's head involving you over the past few months. He has time.

Giving your clit one last kiss, he eases his fingers out of you. They're covered in your release and so his most of his hand. Without much deliberation, he puts them into his mouth and sucks the taste of you off of them. Moaning all the while. Your gasp at the sight forces him to lock eyes with you. Not slowing down as he watches the way your eyes zero in on his mouth before returning to his. Once seemingly satisfied with thoroughly cleaning his fingers, he removes from his mouth with an obnoxious pop. Tongue peaking out to lick your juices from his lips as well.

"You taste divine. Could eat your pussy all day," he says with a gravelly tone, looking down at with heavily lidded eyes.

"Jeonghan," you say with slight admonishment.

"What? It's true," he responds with clear amusement colouring his tone.

Before you can think to respond, your eyes betray you and glance down. His cock is straining against his boxers, a sizeable wet spot evident on them. You can't see all of him yet but, your insides clench hard at how long and thick he looks.

"Can I suck you off?" You blurt out without thinking. Feeling your face warm in embarrassment at the impulsive question.

Jeonghan seems surprised for a moment before a smug smirk spreads across his handsome face. "Maybe next time. I'd rather cum inside of you first and, I don't think I'd last very long with your pretty lips wrapped around my cock," he says, tugging his boxers off hurriedly. Shuddering as cool air hits his cock. Thoroughly distracting you and leaving all complaints you had about tasting him to die on your tongue.

Of course Yoon Jeonghan would have a pretty cock too. It's longer than it is thick and flushed an appealing looking red.

"Okay, that's fair," you respond breathlessly, fresh arousal coating your upper thighs at the sight of him. You don't think you've ever felt so empty in your life.

"Tell me if you want me to stop or if it's too much, okay? I've been doing a decent job of holding back but, I can...lose myself when I'm in heat," he says gently, positioning himself between your thighs with his cock in his hand. His eyes are almost black when he meets your gaze once again to make sure you're okay with this, he looks like he's barely holding on by a thread.

"I trust you, Hannie. I know you wouldn't hurt me but, if it becomes too much I promise I'll tell you," you respond. Reaching up to pull him into a soft kiss before laying back against his pillows to watch him. A very small, private part of you is curious to see what he's like when he loses control. Jeonghan always seems to have it all together. You wonder what he's like when he fully let's go.

He takes a deep breath before slowly pushing into you. Even with all the effort he put into stretching you out earlier, there's still a slight sting. Your hands grip his sheets tightly, moaning as he eases his way into you.

Jeonghan is almost vibrating with how much he's holding himself back from just bottoming out into you in one, quick thrust. You're so fucking tight and wet and warm. Your walls drag around his cock deliciously. However, he can see the slight discomfort in your face and body language clear as day so he tries his best to go as slowly as he can manage.

You gasp when he does eventually bottom out and you can't help the way you clench around him from the broken moan he let's out at being inside you completely. His arms come up to cage around your head, his head dropping to nuzzle against your neck as he tries his best to remain still so you can adjust, "Fuck, don't do that. I-I'll cum," he groans against the skin of your neck.

Maybe it's the desire to get back at him for all his teasing over the past few months or maybe it's the desire to see Jeonghan crumble, that motivate you to wrap your legs around his hips and pull him closer. Your arms wrapping around his back as well in the process, "Cum then. I want you to."

His cock pulses violently for a moment before you feel the warmth of being filled with his cum. The moans he let's out against your skin are high pitched and bordering on whines as his hips shallowly thrusts into you. You did have the vague understanding that hybrids tended to be more sensitive while in heat but, you didn't think he'd cum so fast. Not that you were exactly complaining. He sounded beautiful and obscene against you and, feeling him fuck his cum into you was more than enough for you to be moaning in return.

Jeonghan pants against you once his orgasm seems to run its course. Surprisingly, he's still very hard inside of you despite having cum. Perks of being a hybrid, you guess. You soothingly rub his back and untangle your legs from him. That appears to cause something inside the man to snap because the next thing you know, he's hooking your legs over your his arms. His eyes are feral as they stare down at you and you receive no warning as he begins to fuck into your harshly. The sound of your shared moans and skin slapping against skin filling his room. "You're so tight. Such a pretty pussy. Even more pretty with my cum," he groans deliriously, taking his eyes off of you to watch his cock enter you over and over and over again. While all you can do is moan and take it.

"Hannie, you feel so g-good. You're so d-deep," you cry out, your hands gripping his sheets viciously once more as his cock overwhelms you. "Yeah? You like that, baby? Gonna stuff you with my cum. Gonna fuck you full," his hips snapping even faster against you now, not giving you any chance to catch your breath.

"Fuck, fuck, f-fuck," he whines before you feel that pulse you're beginning to become familiar with once more. He spasms against you as a new wave of his cum shoots inside you. You've never felt so full. Your eyes roll into the back of your skull at the sensations. Briefly you think you may have ripped his sheets with how much you've been pulling on them but, you honestly couldn't care less. Not when your pretty bunny continues to move inside of you, his cock still impossibly hard.

#yoon jeonghan smut #jeonghan smut #seventeen smut #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan #seventeen #hybrid au

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escapetheshark · 9 months

Text

Off the Deep End | part 1 | swim instructor Bang Chan x fem reader

Genre: fluff; smut; angst

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem reader

Word count: 3,6k

Warnings: mentions of past trauma, drowning, adult language (warnings will be added to each chapter)

Summary: Hellbent on facing her fears, she starts taking up swimming lessons from one attractive young instructor named Christopher.

A/N: In case you're new here, I always name my characters because I don't like writing in the second person. This story is set in Australia, therefore I use some Aussie slang and lore, lmk if there's anything you don't understand that I can clarify for you. I'm not Australian, I just tried my best to recall things from my time there and I suppose a lot of things are similar to New Zealand. If any Aussies find anything really OOC, please do let me know.

A massive thank you to @seo--changbin for her help aka putting up with my bulshit. Love you <3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | to be continued

Masterlit | Network

It's a lovely day: the sun is shining down on me, hot and bright, not a single cloud in the sky. I take another sip of my boozy cocktail and look over to my right where my sister has fallen asleep with a book on her face, several empty glasses piled on her side of the table. Not even her kids' loud screeches can seem to disturb her slumber, or maybe she's got good at zoning out. Her husband, who had disappeared inside the house God knows how long ago, has come back with a bucket in his arms and places it down by the lawn chairs.

"Help yourself," he enthusiastically says, before noticing his wife's sleeping form and immediately repeating himself in a lower voice. "Help yourself."

"Thank you," I simply say, raising my cocktail glass to show him I'm good for now. The bucket is full of beer, soda cans and water bottles for the kids.

The two boys decide to have a cannonball contest at the far end of the pool and are arguing about whose technique is the best, although I personally didn't find either that impressive. My brother-in-law finishes his Heineken and joins his kids with what was probably the only good cannonball of the day. He swims over to the edge of the pool and his head peeks out from the surface of the water.

"Come on, Jess, get in!"

"No thanks, I'm good."

"You need to face your fears at some point," he shrugs. "It's a lot more fun than just sitting on the lounger all day!"

He does make a compelling argument, however, I still see blood flowing and swaying on the water anytime I stare down into a swimming pool, the bottom seemingly invisible, like an endless pit. The scar is well hidden, thanks to really good surgeons and my own talent in makeup, but it is there and I do see it and feel its ridges whenever I touch my jaw. I'm facing my fear, looking straight into it. Maybe someday I'll be able to take a dive, but today is not that day.

I want to go home, I really do. My sister's friends are all a little obnoxious and I'm starting to feel sick from all the grilled meat I end up consuming at her weekend barbeques. At least the kids have all gone to sleep, not that the adults aren't equally as loud, especially after so much beer.

"-this year we'll go skiing in Austria instead, you know, see something new," one of the women says, wine glass in hand. "It's always Mount Hutt, I'm tired of Mount Hutt!"

"Snow all looks the same, Brenda," her husband spits with an annoyed look on his face. "You just want an excuse to go to Europe and see the hunks over there!"

"Imagine that, sitting on a plane for a day just to see snow when there's perfectly good snow down in New Zealand," some other guy retorts. "Taking those five kids of yours, too!"

Both Brenda's husband and this other guy laugh, but Brenda doesn't seem to be having fun. She sulks and pours herself another glass, keeping her head down.

"What about you, Jess, have any exciting plans for the new year?"

My eyes avert from Brenda and her troubles to the person sitting next to me, I believe her name is Amelia. She has very well-kept long blonde hair that doesn't suit her skin tone but her roots are barely visible still. Her face is somewhat orange, but I guess she pulls it off.

"Oh, I'm just gonna stay here in good old Melbourne," I shrug. "Might pop to Montague Street Bridge to see all the trucks losing their roof." I giggle at my own joke, but Amelia just seems lost, sparing me a pained smile. "I don't think they have Tim Tams in other countries."

"Oh that's not true," Brenda's husband interjects out of nowhere. "I'm pretty sure I've seen them in England!"

The awkward conversation dies down as they continue discussing their lives and I keep to myself, pretending to be very interested in the cranberry juice in my glass, avoiding meeting anyone's gaze lest they strike up more conversation and ask me why I don't just travel to Europe or the US, it's lovely up there, how can I miss out on such fun? It's either that or asking if I'd like to meet this guy they know, he's single too, he's divorced, his wife just died, he's got kids but he's nice, he works in IT. I don't want to meet their friend and I don't want to hear about Paris again, yet I keep getting dragged to my sister's pool parties where someone always asks me what drowning feels like, as if everything is supposed to feel like something else.

"By the way, my kids are taking swimming lessons with this extraordinary instructor," another woman invades my personal space to drunkenly tell me things I didn't ask about. I can't remember her name even though I know I've seen her face a few times. I remember her kid is called Jessica like me. "I hear he does lessons for adults too, he's a doll. I'll give you his card!" She reaches for her purse and pulls out a small rectangular card, very unassuming, with just a name, a phone number and a simple tagline - swimming lessons for all levels and ages.

"That's the most boring business card I've ever seen," I comment out loud, although I should have kept it to myself.

"Well, he's pretty good, just give him a call. Jessica loves him and she's making so much progress so quickly! She might get into the Olympic team at this rate…"

I feign enthusiasm, like this 10-year-old girl having such immense pressure put on her can be any good. I suppose she's growing up in a 5 million dollar home in Toorak, so she'll be fine. I place the card in my pocket and forget about it, deciding that if I'm stuck here in this rich people hell, might as well have a laugh, like when I eavesdrop at the deli section in Coles.

The smell of chlorine makes my head hurt and it takes a minute for me to adjust to the stuffy warm air. I might vomit my heart out with the way it's beating in my throat. My right hand caresses my left elbow, knees trembling, mouth dry. It's hard to focus on a single thing when everything happens so much at the same time - background music, chatter, kids screaming, whistles, splashing, that awful chlorine smell that I can't ignore no matter how hard I try. I'm not even sure where I'm supposed to go, I just stand by the door to the shower room, the swimming cap feels too tight around my head.

"Hey, are you alright?"

The voice that interrupts my anxious contemplation belongs to a short slender man in swim trunks and a tank top who appears behind me.

"Yeah, I'm just looking for my instructor, his name is uhm- Christopher?"

"He's me, I'm Christopher," the young man smiles sheepishly, his small eyes disappearing into his face for a second. "Oh, are you Miss Jessica?"

"She's me, I'm Jessica," I chuckle nervously. "We spoke on the phone."

"We very much did," he agrees, motioning for me to follow him around the Olympic-size swimming pool towards the far end of it. He waves at some other guy, I look politely at him and try to forget that I'm about to really have to get in the water. There's no escape this time, I've paid for my first fifteen lessons and it wasn't particularly cheap either. No refunds, unless caused by provable illness. Is it too late to break a leg…?

"Right, so you mentioned you cannot swim at all," his attention is back on me when we stop walking as we reach the very last lane on the opposite end of the pool. I look over at a storage unit full of various floating devices and wonder if I will be allowed one or two. Or ten. "The first step will be getting you comfortable in the water."

I watch as Christopher removes his thongs and leaves them under the bench then proceeds to lower himself into the pool using the pool ladder. He's got water up to his chest. He's maybe one or two inches taller than I am, so I definitely will be able to stand. It's too late to have a panic attack and run away so all I have left to do is go in. He's right there, the swimming instructor I've been told has several medals and apparently was part of the Australian junior swim team. It's his job to not let me drown. He's not my drunk mother thirty-two years ago who didn't see me slip and fall into the pool while she sipped cocktails.

"Go on, then," he smiles at me the way a proud father smiles at his kid's doodles before leaving them on the kitchen counter to be put up on the refrigerator door later. "See, you can stand."

My sister's friend did mention he seemed to teach mostly children so the slightly condescending tone is probably just an occupational hazard and I can't blame him for being a little bit snooty towards the thirty-something year old lady who's trembling just standing in four feet of water.

"See, it's not that bad," he offers and I can't tell if he's thinking in the back of his mind that I look like an absolute buffoon. He probably is. "So now all I want you to do is walk to me. Just walk," he instructs, making his way towards the middle of the pool, a few steps, stopping once the water reaches his shoulders. "I'm right here."

It's nothing like walking on dry land, I had forgotten what it feels like to be submerged. The water slowly and gently undulates as my legs move, tiny step by tiny step, like a newborn foal immediately forced to learn how to walk within ten minutes of being yeeted out of the womb.

Christopher keeps reassuring me that he's right there and will absolutely not let anything bad happen to me; it's almost more nerve-racking than if he simply stood at the edge of the pool yelling instructions, like the instructor a couple of lanes to our left with a class of about eight teenagers. It's hard to appreciate his seeming kindness when I'm trying so hard to focus on not letting my knees melt into wobbly pudding, each step feeling like a mile long.

He's got water up to his chest, Jessica, you'll be fine.

He's just standing there, the smile eventually fades from his face and he just watches me take slow, careful steps towards him, arms stretched out as if he expects me to tumble over like I did when I was four years old. Shit. I was doing fine without those memories, this is not a good time for the dramatic flashbacks! I stop, taking a deep breath and looking up at the tall ceiling, my vision not focusing on anything in particular, just the way the harsh bright lights illuminate the interior of the swimming complex.

"You good?"

Somehow I've muted all the noises around me, but his voice seems to come from way too close and that's when I realise I either moved without realising or he took a few steps to come meet me halfway because the next thing I know, he's a lot closer to me than I remember him being.

"I-I'm fi-fine?"

I'm not sure I sound convinced, but my head is still out of water and completely dry so I don't think anything happened to me. I look at Christopher again, his eyes seem almost worried but he offers yet another little smile. Do his cheeks not hurt from smiling so much? He already seems very non-threatening with his short and slender build and jovial face, he doesn't need to put so much effort into making himself appear as inoffensive as possible.

"Look back," he says, "you walked all this way!"

There's the condescending tone again like he's talking to one of his six-year-old students. Or maybe I'm just being a bitch to this man for absolutely no reason and he's just trying to be helpful and do his job properly. I've already paid him, either way. Might as well learn to actually swim while I'm at it.

"I sure did-"

"Do you want to try and extend your body? I'll hold your arms." He reaches out again, his pale arms extended towards me. I hold onto his hands, unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to do and how to even do it. Seems easy enough, right? Just extend your body out, like you're lying down in bed, except this isn't a safe comfortable bed, it's a dangerous swimming pool.

"Lift up your legs and kick them back," he instructs, his grip on my hands very strong, as a way to say he won't let go and let me drown. "Try one leg at a time first."

The movement is awfully uncoordinated and lacks any sense of grace, but I do manage to pull my leg back, then the other, then both at the same time, my eyes on Christopher's arms, worried he would let go on accident and leave me to brave the waters on my own. You can stand up, I remind myself. You've got water up to your shoulders.

"Good job," he praises, and I must admit a sense of mild pride washes over me. Yeah, it's a fucking good job! "Stand back up now." I obey, strengthening my grip on his hands, my body feels like it's floating and I can't remember how to get back down. It takes a minute, but I'm eventually standing up again, my hands still in his for a little longer until he finally lets go.

"How are you feeling," he inquiries "bit more confident?"

"I guess," I shrug, very clearly not that confident.

"You'll get there." Another smile. This one feels more earned, though, not as mechanic as before. I doubt his words for a minute before scolding myself. You will get there, it's just swimming, not rocket science. I nod, my knees relaxing subconsciously as I watch him get out of the water using the ladder again, making his way to the storage unit and picking up a couple of accessories he promptly throws in the water before joining me once more in the shallow end of the pool.

"Will these help make you feel safer?"

I nod again, holding onto one of the pool noodles as if I've never seen one before. I never told him my tragic backstory, yet somehow he acts like he knows there's something deeply wrong with me. I wonder if my sister's friend told him something…

"Thanks."

"Right, so the goal for now is to get you to feel confident and safe in the water," he explains, his face serious and stern. "You can have as many noodles as you want and I'm right here, I swear on my PS5 I won't let you get hurt." A little giggle leaves him, like he's making a silly little joke to the little kids he teaches. It's hard to take this man seriously when not only he seems to have never interacted with an adult, but he himself looks almost like a child, small and sweet-looking, like life hasn't yet taught him a lesson. I'm being so judgemental for no reason. This young man is just doing his job and trying to be nice about it. I have to scold myself again for thinking so negatively all the time and wonder if my sister does that too or if she's cured now that she has the perfect life…

"You basically paid me to not let you drown, if that's any consolation." His joke pulls me out of yet another session of inside-my-head rambling. He's trying so hard to be the cool and fun teacher and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm at least ten years older than this wide-eyed pale boy.

"I guess that helps," I shrug, looking at him. "So what now? You throw me off the 10 metre plank and I have to somehow not die?" He laughs, his little eyes completely disappearing into his face and becoming crescent moons. He has dimples.

"Yeah, let's go," he jokes again. "No, we take it as slow as we need to. The goal is to not scare you any further."

"I'm not scared!"

"Yeah, that's why you were shaking coming down the ladder and holding on to me like that just now," he snarkily comments right before becoming apologetic. "I-I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

"Don't worry, doll," I shrug, still holding on to the pool noodle, standing near the edge of the pool.

"Well, anyway, let's practice some more." His demeanour is back to the overly-friendly one from a few seconds before as he passes me another pool noodle, instructing me to loop it around my stomach. He holds out another noodle, one hand near each end, keeping it straight. "Hold on to this and look at me."

I do as he says, placing my hands next to his and facing him dead-on. "Now let's try to kick your legs back again, just like before." The noodle naturally doesn't feel as sturdy as Christopher's hands on mine, and the one on my belly almost pressures my body upwards and I have to actively force my torso down. My hands almost want to slide closer to his, to feel someone's skin on mine rather than polyethylene foam would make me feel a little more secure, but he's right there. He's literally a foot away from me, his feet firmly pressed on the tile. He won't let me drown. He wouldn't.

"It's okay, I'm literally right here," he reassures again, that damned smile that he just can't avoid but flash every damn minute. I wonder if he's always like this or maybe he's secretly a dick outside his lessons. Maybe he even voted One Nation.

Hands firmly on the pool noodle, I kick my legs back, slowly, immediately feeling the tension in my belly releasing. "You don't have to be so tense, you know." I feel light headed again, my eyes fixated on his but not focusing or registering what I'm looking at.

"Let's breathe slowly okay," his voice lowers an octave and catches me off guard. "Breathe in through your nose. One. Two. Three. Four. Five." He's breathing in too, still looking into my eyes, and it almost feels uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time I really looked at someone for so long, especially what is essentially a stranger. "Good, now breathe out through your mouth, slowly." He counts to five again, just as slowly as before and it feels like I have never breathed before in my life.

"I've got you," he reassures once more, of course he has a smile on his face and I can't really tell if it's sincere or not because my head is spinning and it's hard to focus on anything. "I'm gonna let go of the noodle, okay? But I'm right here."

"Please don't," I beg, my hands sliding closer to his until they're slightly touching.

"That's alright," he replies. "Okay, no problem, I won't let go."

I breathe out a relieved sigh as his hands come to hold mine once more, and I feel a sudden urge to cry. It's all too much, too much noise, too much water, too much human contact, all in a day's work.

"We can take it as slow as you need, Jessica."

I nod, this time I actually pay attention to him instead of fixating on a random spot without focusing on anything. His eyes seem sincere. Again, I have to remind myself that he's a professional doing his job and there is absolutely no reason for this man to let me drown or get hurt in any way.

"Take your time."

I'm not sure how long I stayed like that, looking absolutely ridiculous with a pool noodle through my waist, holding on to my much younger swimming instructor like I'm about to drown in four feet of water, that stupid swimming cap so tight around my head it feels like my brain is on the verge of exploding. Next thing I know, I'm standing under the shower trying to remove the cap without pulling all my hair out. The water is a little too hot, but I barely register the way it burns my skin as all the background noise morphs into one giant blob of white noise.

I get dressed, put away my wet swimsuit inside a plastic ziplock bag, dry my hair and apply moisturiser to my face, still unsure of how to feel about this whole thing. I could just quit, money be damned…! No, money do not be damned, it's not like I have a lot of it and I can't afford to just toss it away like that. I- I could just- No! I'm going to finish this now. I'm going to book my next lesson and stick to this, it can't be that hard. My nephews can swim and they're kids. That Jessica girl is training to join the goddamn Olympic team and she's like eleven! I can at least learn how to doggy-swim if anything, right? Right…?

To be continued...

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