#CPTSD discussion

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

#Aziraphale #Good Omens #Good Omens Meta #good omens s2 #aziraphale meta #crowley x arizaphale #CPTSD discussion

[elytrafemme]

and obviously this is by far the least important part of ANY of this, but i'm going to pretty strongly dissociate myself from anything relating to that smp-- mostly for my own mental health (again, not to center myself here). as for CS, i would like to continue it, though obviously the disclaimers again will be heavy. it is a story i wrote to cope with abuse, and if fanworks like that are called to be stopped then i will obviously rethink things. but i will give it a lot of time to figure out how to meaningfully create something from a piece of media created by unfathomably shitty people, and i'd like to be able to continue writing for the message that CS was set to convey.

again, this is not the focus of the conversation, but i just wanted to say that since i am online for once and i figure i may get an ask or two about it.

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #as an update for folks since i do typically discuss my own personal life on this blog #i'm currently in the stages of questioning whether or not i have CPTSD #and after a few conversations occurring the last couple of months i've been keenly in touch with the various- #-abusive relationships/situations i've had in my life that i did not ever recognize consciously. #people seem to be handling this situation far better than past occurrences in this general sphere. #but i cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is to speak out about these things. #those in my life were very selective about what abuse they let be shown publicly versus what i could never speak about #and i again am so in awe of shubble's strength in acknowledging something like this given how public of a figure her abuser is. #i hope he rots and i hope she heals. that's about where i'm at as i hope everyone is. #(and also if i post a bit about my mental health in coming days note that that is not an attempt to detract from- #-another victim's story. i want to make it very clear that while there are parallels in stories of abuse- #every abuse victim's story is theirs and is not to be trivialized or collapsed in any broader way.)

[mike-wheeler-faggotry]

There's something to be said about the same people who praised Vecna for being an allegory for mental illness in season 4 volume 1 are the same people who vehemently hate the character who has been self-destructing since season 2 and was ready to kill himself for a friend's baby teeth in season 1.

#mike wheeler #byler #mikewheelerdefenseclub #something something allegories are a way to seem profound without actually discussing the subject #something something people love supporting the mentally ill until they have the audacity to have symptoms that aren't desirable #yeah im going off today the way yall talk about mike is genuinely sickening to see #i was an asshole at mike's age! i had cptsd and beginning to have a personality disorder and was being abused! #nobody helped me so i got worse and worse and people got mad when i went from quietly suicidal to angry destroying friendships! #and mike is traumatized as hell. dealing with internalized homophobia. and evidence suggests he's in an emotionally neglectful home #he's going through shit! he needs help a year ago! he's self-destructing and has been! #but as soon as he went from breaking rules in season 2 to breaking friendships in season 3 everyone started hating him. #because thats how it is when you're mentally ill. you're ignored when you're quiet and hated when you're loud. #anyways. been thinking a lot. #mike #posting about the prick #gay mike wheeler #mike wheeler protection squad #stranger things

[jackals-ships]

welcome to another installment of "ppl w personality disorders need to stop being so relatable or i need to finally see the brain wizard," with a side of "talked through some shit w my moirail, do i feel better? yes. am i mad about that fact? >:/ yes"

#jackals barks #inb4 self diagnosis comments I'm doin the opposite i am UNdiagnosing im convincing myself im normal and everyone else is wrong- /j #HFK no but uh i stumbled upon a user discussing their struggles w avoidant personality disorder and avoidant attachment in General and i was #like haha. UH OH BOYS ANYWAYS #anyways i am. looking into tips to deal with being avoidant and going hm. HM. whale shit #the cptsd PD overlap continues to overlap

[sage-hazeline]

i’m fine, why? *picks fingernails and toenails down to angry bloody stubbs, scratches skin until it’s sore, reopens wounds, picks anything i can reach’

#anxiety #anxiety coping #anxiety discussion #pms #pmd #chronic anxiety #gad #generalised anxiety disorder #cptsd #actually cptsd #actually mentally ill

[explodingsaturn]

that awkward moment when u talk abt smth vulnerable and throw in a 'yk it was fun' at the end to dilute the convo but it was NOT fun and u have just confused and horrified everyone u were talking to

#cw #tw #this was abt me discussing r/pe w a friend #it was. a moment (bad one) #tw selfhate #tw self destructive thoughts #self h@te #tw vent #tw rap3 #tw sa #tw sa mention #actually ptsd #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized #actually cptsd #abuse survivor #abuse cw

[lost-in-prose]

; - The Truth About Childhood Trauma

⚠️ Trigger Warning- the following are difficult topics ⚠️

Upon my entrance into college and my Literature and Mental Illness class, I have found that I have been mostly alone in handling my trauma and recovering from years of abuse. It has been a terrifying road for me and I do not wish it on my worst enemy, so I have decided to write down everything I know in one master post to help any of you who stumble upon the diagnosis of CPTSD on your own, just as I did years ago.

I will talk about the following topics and how they related to CPTSD as a whole:

What is CPTSD?

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

Derealization Disorder (DPDR Disorder)

Maladaptive Daydreaming

Age Regression

The Science of Triggers

Sexuality vs Trauma Responses

Self Harm

Your Inner Child vs Who You Are Now

Dissociating

Depression & Anxiety

Flashbacks & Nightmares

Physical Manifestations of Mental Problems

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Insomnia

Dissociative Amnesia

Healing Generational Trauma

Mommy/Daddy Issues

The Past's Effect On Future Relationships

Emotional Storms

Abandonment Issues

Imposter Syndrome

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Gifted Kid Syndrome & The Inability To Be A 'Burden'

Surviving A Narcissist

Chronic Isolation/Loneliness

Intrusive Thoughts

Somatization Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Sociopathic Tendencies

Sensory Processing Issues

Addictive Personality 

Anger Issues 

If there are other topics that you, dear reader, know about that correlate with CPTSD please let me know so that I can educate others. I am simply writing from my own experience, but I don't want anyone's symptoms to be left out just because they aren't the same as my own.

NOTE: this is not a diagnostic tool. I will have quizzes used by professionals that are utilized to gauge someone's risk of having these disorders, but a certain result does not mean you do or do not have a certain disorder. If you have any questions on whether you have a disorder, please contact a health care professional or someone you can trust to talk through it. Do not allow yourself to go through this alone.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE BULLYING OF ANY KIND ON THIS POST OR ANY OF THOSE RELATED. THIS IS A SAFE SPACE. WE CAN HAVE DISCUSSIONS- I WILL RESPECT YOUR OPINION AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT DISRESPECT SOMEONE ELSE'S EXISTENCE. IF YOU DO I WILL TAKE THE APPROPRIATE ACTIONS TO REMOVE YOU FROM MY PLATFORM.

Be brave, my loves :) if you need anyone to talk to my dms are always open <3

Here are resources to help you in the meantime:

General Trauma Recovery

Alternative Recovery Methods

#complex ptsd #cptsd thoughts #cptsdsupport #cptsd tag #mental illness #mental support #kind discussion #generational trauma #trauma #childhood trauma #inner child #dissociative episode #dissociating #amnesia #trauma recovery #depression #anxiety #healing #maladaptive coping #maladaptive daydreaming #nightmare #insomia #im so tired #mental fatigue #information #masterpost #not a diagnosis

[brokenfoxproductions]

Timeline of my life wip

Links direct to my YouTube videos.

Birth - 1995

I was born in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania to a 20 year old alcoholic divorced nursing student and stripper, and a 31 year old divorced construction worker, mechanic, and dirt track race car driver who held antivaxxer and anti medical beliefs. I had twin older siblings who were 5 years older than me from my dad's ex wife. My parents were on and off and finally broke up when I was 6 months old, at which point my mom and I moved in with her parents.

As a baby, it was noted that I had very sensitive skin and often got eczema, I had a sensitive stomach and could throw up easily, and I struggled to learn how to walk. It was also noted that I learned how to talk very early.

Age 1- 1996

My mom is going to nursing school and drinking, her mother and father are mostly raising me. There is an incident during this time in which I am left unsupervised by my grandmother and I end up with hot potpourri oil in my eyes. My grandmother refused to take me to the hospital until after my mother got home several hours later and as a result I have permanent scarring on the surface of my eyes and I wear a very high glasses prescription as an adult. During this time my mom began her diagnostic process for late onset type 1 diabetes and psoriatic arthritis.

During this time I am still struggling to learn how to walk properly. I am still struggling with lots of skin issues and it is noticed by several people that I engaged in activities such as head banging, rocking, and other stims.

Age 2- 1997

Still being raised by mostly my grandparents while my mother is in school. Around this point my mom's older sister who was in school to become a child psychologist began taking interest in me.

At this point I could walk but I could not bend my knees. At one point during this time, I fell through a glass table at my dad's house and ended up with scarring above my right eye and on the side of my face.

Age 3- 1998

This year, I was the flower girl in my aunt's wedding, which she claims I ruined. Otherwise, I was still being raised mostly by my grandparents while my mom and I lived with them.

I have vague memories around this point of possible physical or sexual abuse, but it is very hard to remember specifics besides that it was a very tall white man with very large hands.

At this point I could walk but I could not bend my knees. and people began to notice that I had very strange looking, elongated digits and that I bruised very easily and my mom began asking my pediatrician if they thought I might have an autoimmune disorder or juvenile arthritis.

Age 4- 1999

My mom graduates nursing school at this point and we move to the Carlisle/Harrisburg area with her boyfriend. My mom begins working as a home nurse and I begin going to daycare. I experienced an incident in which my mother mixed alcohol with Ambien and I was woken up by a paramedic as she was rushed to the ER. There was an incident during this time in which I fell down a flight of steps and hit my head against a wall at the bottom which I believe caused a head injury, though my mother refused to take me to the hospital.

Around this summer is the first time whenever I remember being sexually abused by my next door neighbor/classmate/friend and his parents.

Around this point I was given my first x-ray of my legs in which it was determined that my knees had never been broken and the issue that I was having it seemed to be a soft tissue problem rather than a skeletal problem. At this point I was prescribed knee braces and crutches as needed. I experienced a very severe beesting allergy around this time, resulting in hospitalization.

Around this point I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type and ODD, as well as pica, an eating disorder which caused me to compulsively eat plastic, metal, and other inedible objects.

Age 5- 2000

I am still living with my mom and her boyfriend next door to my classmate in kindergarten and his parents, who are abusing me. My mom is still drinking heavily despite it causing problems with her blood sugars. I begin acting out in kindergarten, including hitting another child with a Barbie doll and purposely annoying the crap out of a boy in my class who is the son of a local dairy Farmer (Kyle Yorlets of the band Carverton).

I start experiencing severe joint pain on top of having my knees and ankles constantly pop out of socket. My doctors start suggesting and testing for juvenile arthritis but it comes back negative.

Age 6- 2001

At the end of my kindergarten year, we move. During the summer before my first grade year started, I was put on a stimulant for my ADHD and I began experiencing rapid cycling between severe suicidal depression and severely violent mania. At this point I began being tested and evaluated for bipolar disorder. My mom and one of her sisters were also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my mom switched from insulin injections to an insulin pump for her type 1 diabetes, and my mom and I both began taking psychiatric medication for bipolar disorder. Around this time my mom broke up with the person she had been dating while I was in kindergarten and she began visiting my aunt in California, and during one of those vacations she met a friend of my uncle's and they began dating long distance.

By the time that 9/11 happened, I was dealing with my first psychosis and I was actively hallucinating on a daily basis and had attempted to take my life for the first time by jumping out of a third story window. Despite the fact that my dad was extremely against me being on psychiatric medication, I began being prescribed mood stabilizers and antidepressants, as well as atypical antipsychotics.

Age 7- 2002

My mom was still struggling with alcoholism. Around this time I was able to find a combination of medications that cleared up the majority of my mental health symptoms with the exception of depression and anxiety. My mom's long distance boyfriend moved in with us and began abusing my mom in front of me.

During my second grade school year, I was repeatedly and severely sexually abused by a classmate and friend who was expiriencing multiple forms of abuse at home. When I tried to tell my mom, she physically lashed out at me. When I told my special education teacher, he misunderstood and thought I was accusing him and yelled at me.

I was not getting physical health care at this time.

Age 8- 2003

In early 2003, prior to my 8th birthday, my mom's boyfriend forced us to move to Norfolk/Virginia Beach, VA. While there, I witnessed my mom being severely abused, I was neglected, and we lived in an unfinished house that had lice, fleas, and bedbugs. After 3 months there, my mom and I fled back to Pennsylvania, at which point I returned to the same school and my sexual abuse continued. At this point it escalated to being raped with a pocket knife, resulting in permanent internal scarring and vaginismus.

After moving back from Virginia my mom's ex-boyfriend broke into our house with a gun given to him by my aunt in California. I stopped him and made him sit down on our stairs while my mom called the police, during which point he told me his intention was to kill my mother in front of me. Afterwards I watched the police tase him while we were sitting in the back of a squad car.

The stress of being stalked and being in a domestic violence situation convinced my Mom finally to start attending alcoholics anonymous meetings so she could attempt to get sober, and she began making many friends in alcoholics anonymous and dating people who she met there as well.

Around this time, my school psychologist aunt began obsessing over me. I was over at her house constantly, she got me into piano lessons, and I began helping care for her dogs. I remember them giving me my first glass of wine during this time. I found out later that she was trying to get my mom to take me out of psychiatric care because she was friends with my psychiatrist and was afraid of the embarrassment of her friends and colleagues finding out she had family members who were mentally ill. I have more vague memories of abuse at this time with the same large man with large hands. I don't think it's a coincidence that my aunt and her 6'4" ex-military husband are always around and extremely involved around these foggy abuse incidents.

Age 9- 2004

I was living with my mom and her boyfriend and they quickly got engaged. My mom was not drinking. She was still being stalked and began working with advocacy organizations. She began working at a local emergency room.

I was acting out at school. I was found to have a high IQ and was put in the gifted program, but I heavily relied on the special education program as well.

I began menstruating and started expiriencing what I now understand to be dysphoria. I began self harming. I started trauma therapy. I began receiving treatment for my chronic joint pain, migraines, and muscle spasms/tics.

Age 10- 2005

My mom and her fiance broke up and she began talking to an EMT she met in AA. Around this time, my mom was still dealing with her ex stalking her, and she decided to go to law school to become a domestic violence advocate and began applying for law school programs.

Around this time I stopped going to daycare and I was expected to take care of myself after school. I began acting as a crossing guard at school and I began babysitting.

I started expiriencing severe muscle spasms and tics, ovarian cysts, and I began having symptoms of digestive bleeding.

Age 11- 2006

Around this time or shortly before, my mom let her EMT boyfriend move in with us and he began using my AOL account to look up CP and other illegal material, often showing it to me. I told my dad what was happening and he called child protection, but they did nothing. My mom punished me for the call to CYS but didn't kick her boyfriend out until she found the searches herself, at which point she kicked him out and got rid of the computer to avoid consequences, telling me that people finding out what he did would make her lose her nursing license and would prevent her from becoming a lawyer.

During this time, I began running away and my mom began kicking me out as well. I would often sleep in my local park, outside my school, or on the floor of friends' houses, but sometimes I would just walk around all night and sleep during school. I got my first long distance online boyfriend at this point.

I had my first seizure this year, resulting in a spinal tap procedure that went wrong and caused me to have a spinal cord injury, which resulted in mobility problems and nerve damage. My cysts and migraines got worse as well. I began taking opiate pain pills and drug seeking at local emergency rooms and quickly became addicted. I began physical therapy. I had my first endoscopy and colonoscopy this year.

Age 12- 2007

My behavior began getting worse in 6th grade. I was put in a different class than all my friends, and I was put in the same locker row as the guy who raped me with a knife in second grade. He attempted to grab my butt and chest without my consent, so I beat the crap out him, which caused me to be put in full time special education. He and his friends bullied me violently and relentlessly. I got my first in person boyfriend at that point.

I began developing binge eating and starvation tendencies. I began self harming daily. I began sneaking opiates into school so I could use when I was stressed out or after dealing with my former abuser and his friends. I came out as bisexual this year which caused more severe bullying.

I was expelled and put in an alternative school in a classroom with students aged 12-18. I was the youngest student in the whole school.

In February, I was admitted to a mental hospital for the first time, and on the way there, an EMT forced me to watch 2 girls 1 cup and I was left alone in an ambulance for an extended period at a rest stop. The EMTs from that transport were from the same agency as my mom's ex. During this time, my mom temporarily revoked her parental rights, but she took them back to avoid paying child support.

At one point during this time, I agreed to preforming sexual actions with my drug dealer in exchange for a bunch of Vicodin, but things went wrong and I ended up in the emergency room needing treatment for the aftermath of the incident. During this exam and treatment, the attending ER doctor discovered that I had extreme internal vaginal scarring and vaginismus, making it almost impossible to use a speculum and to treat the injury I was dealing with. Because I was taken to the ER my mom worked at, the incident wasn't reported to the authorities and I was punished by my mom before I could even try to explain what happened. I was kicked out of my house for a week without my phone.

On the last day of the school year, I went back to my old school and I sat down with the assistant principal and I told him why I had been fighting the kids who had bullied me. I admitted for the first time what my classmate did to me in second grade, and that I thought the boy involved was a danger to other students and he needed therapy. I was told that it wasn't the school or district's job to help me, him, or any other student who was expiriencing sexual abuse and that I needed to leave school grounds or I would be arrested for trespassing. I was told that I would be permanently banned from all schools in the district, meaning I could never transition back to normal school and I would never be allowed to go to prom with my friends. Doing so would get me arrested. This rule was maintained until I dropped out.

My boyfriend and I broke up and I began dating a boy I met online.

I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. I began expressing a desire to present androgynously, but I was convinced to lean into feminity instead, and I began experiencing extreme dysphoria.

Age 13- 2008

My mom took me to Disney World for my 13th birthday as a way to apologize for making me go to the hospital. I was hospitalized while there due to opioid withdrawal and a UTI. Our relationship did not improve.

Shortly after turning 13, my in person boyfriend broke up with me and I started dating a girl from my school, along with the guy I was seeing long distance. My girlfriend was a bit older than me and was also addicted to opiates and also self harmed, so we were very bad influences on each other. She was the first person I had consensual sex with.

On the fourth of July, my girlfriend told me she had been raped, so I attempted to walk 11 miles in the middle of the night to go see her. I ended up having a breakdown while walking past some cow pastures due to my PTSD and agoraphobia, and I curled up in a ball and called my dad for help. He came and got me, but he was extremely upset to learn that my boyfriend wasn't white and that I was also dating a girl. He called my mom and my boyfriend racist slurs and physically hit me. My mom later came and got me and he called her a racial slur to her face. I decided that I didn't want anything to do with my dad anymore.

I stopped taking my medication and I continued to get worse. I was hospitalized twice for self harm, and when I was told there would be a third time, I responded by splatter painting OPI I'm Not Really A Waitress red nail polish all over our bathroom before running out of the house barefoot and hiding in a tree. This resulted in a 4 month long mental hospital stay, after which I was put in a residential treatment facility in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. During this time, my mom again revoked her rights and put me in state custody for about 6 months.

Age 14- 2009

I stayed in the RTF from January 2009 to January 2010. During this time, I successfully hid my bulimia and opiate addiction. I was severely abused. I witnessed severe abuse. I witnessed human rights violations. I was physically attacked by a staff member.

I had so little respect for most of the staff and clients that I used this time to practice lying to people who would compulsively lie themselves to see what it took to be convincing. With the few people I was honest with, I found the best friends I could ever have.

My relationship with my mom worsened. I was extremely isolated during my home passes. I lost all my friends and my mom became obsessively controlling over me. I was not allowed to talk to anyone outside our family, with the exception being my long distance boyfriend. My mom began talking to me and him about us getting married when I turned 16 as a way for me to move out.

I left placement underweight, with pneumonia and influenza due to the horrible conditions there and my untreated ED. I had extremely low iron and potassium, and I was briefly hospitalized.

On my first day back to school, I was high on heroin after having been clean for several months and I reacted horribly. I refused to go back out of embarrassment. I tried another day at a different school, but the same thing happened. I was high, I flipped out, I refused to go back.

I spent 4 months in my house, only leaving to get drugs. I started My ex girlfriend and I got back together and she came over to my house several times. We used together a lot. I came out as a biromantic lesbian.

I self harmed daily and my ED was rampant. I began obsessing over my left leg, left pinky finger, breasts, and nose and I hyperfixed on the idea of amputating my leg and finger, getting top surgery, and getting a nose job. I began allowing myself to be sexually exploited, making art, doing online gig work , and selling stolen items to pay for my addiction. My ex and I eventually broke up due to her and her sister being abusive towards me and stalking me online. Around this time, I first messaged "Dick", my oldest child's biological father, on myspace after meeting him through an older classmate. He is 8 years older than me, making him around 22 when we began talking online, but we weren't close at this point.

I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, OCD, sensory processing disorder, BIID, bulimia, BDD and c-PTSD. My doctors thought I had an autoimmune disorder and told me that "between addiction and illness, you won't live to see 18."

Age 15- May 2010

On my 15th birthday, my mobile therapists and my mom screamed in my face that I was useless and they hated me, so I attempted to take my own life. I ended up having my heart stop temporarily, I received a blood transfusion, and I received a type of skin graft called a strata graph. I experienced a NDE while my heart was stopped.

During the 3 weeks in which I bounced between the mental hospital and CHOP, my mom revoked her parental rights. My dad didn't want to take me, so I was put in a juvenile detention center under the guise of "shelter placement". I was attacked by staff and they destroyed my skin grafts. After being rehospitalized, I spent time in two additional youth shelters and temporary foster homes before being placed with an older black couple who were originally from Philly.

They were the best parents I could ever ask for and I really thrived, attempting repeatedly to get clean, until they found out that I had slept with girls before, at which point they became homophobic and abusive and I relapsed a final time. My biological mother regained her rights and we began reunification. I began attempting to get a piercing apprenticeship.

I broke up with my long distance boyfriend and started dating a boy from my school, "Johnny". He cheated on me our entire short relationship, and he was also struggling with an addiction, albeit to inhalants. I tried to have sex with him, but I was unable to due to my vaginismus. I gave him permission to lie that I took his virginity so neither of us would be embarrassed, and we broke up.

During this time, I was still using heroin and I was struggling to afford my habit. In April 2011, I owed my dealer $150 and I begged him for another IOU, and he offered me a free sample of a "new kind of heroin", and I accepted. I shot up in the kitchen, with him next to me, and I blacked out. I woke up on his bedroom floor with various bodily fluids on me and I realized it had been 4 hours. I walked out and there were 5 or 6 guys smoking and playing video games in the living room, and they were acting weird. I was told that my debt was settled. That was the last time I abused opiates, because I didn't have another dealer and I was afraid of it happening again, and I was afraid he would kill me.

A few days before my 16th birthday, I went to planned Parenthood to get my depo shot and discovered that I was pregnant. I went into shock and left, lying to my foster mom that I had to reschedule my shot because they had accidentally scheduled me for a different type of appointment and couldn't do it.

I told my ex and friends I was pregnant and "Johnny" immediately accused me of lying to try to trap him. He reacted very badly and didn't let me explain, so out of spite and because I didn't want to admit the reality of the situation, I started saying it was his to piss him off more.

At this point I came out as pansexual and came out to myself as non-binary, though I did not come out publicly due to my safety.

Age 16- 2011

I chose to hide my pregnancy from my family and foster family and I started saving money for an abortion, thinking that telling someone about it would ruin my chances of reunification. During this time my mom got a new boyfriend from AA, so I was being extremely careful to stay on her good side.

I went to planned Parenthood in June, having to walk past protestors who screamed at me. When I got into the appointment, they did an ultrasound and discovered that I was about 10 weeks pregnant with identical twins, and there was evidence of twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I was told that the pregnancy wasn't viable, it was too late for a medication abortion, and that I would need to travel to Reading and pay almost double for a surgical procedure.

I decided to let the pregnancy progress and continue to hide it, hoping that I would miscarry without issues. I was struggling with withdrawal since stopping heroin cold turkey, and I was still actively struggling with bulimia, so I wasn't gaining weight. I had bleeding and clotting about a week and a half after the appointment and I assumed I was no longer pregnant.

I transitioned home, but by the end of the summer I realized that I was still not menstruating and I was gaining weight. I went to an emergency room in September, and I was told that I was still pregnant.

In mid September, my mom and her boyfriend went on a vacation and I didn't have a working phone. I purged after dinner, and I began feeling sharp pains in my stomach and my water broke. I tried to take a shower but ended up going into active labor in the tub. I was in labor for over 12 hours, but at the end, there was no chance of viability. I managed to get a friend to take me to the hospital the next day, and I brought the remains with me and asked the doctors how to go about getting it cremated. The doctors called me "disgusting" and were really horrible towards me.

I told my mom what happened when she came home a few days after and showed her my hospital discharge papers but she didn't believe me. I attempted to take my own life and was hospitalized.

After leaving the hospital, I discovered that my best friend had taken her own life while I was in the hospital. I responded by taking 30 sleeping pills and being hospitalized again.

After that, I was home a week before my mom had me involuntarily committed out of the blue despite me finally trying to get to a better place, so she and her boyfriend could elope without leaving me home alone. She called me after their wedding and thanked me for "going along with the plan". I wasn't aware there was a plan.

After that, I began abusing sleeping pills and I eventually accidentally overdosed again, and my mom used this opportunity to revoke her parental rights while I was in the hospital. I was referred to rehab, but my dad chose to take me home instead despite us not having a relationship and me not wanting to go with him.

I moved in with my dad, getting to know my older brother and his wife and step kids. I discovered that my brother and my dad were taking cocaine on a regular basis to keep up with their job schedule. My dad behaved very erratically and made my life a living hell because of this. He would get high and get physically abusive, he made comments about wanting to have a threesome with me and one of his female friends because he knew that I was openly pansexual, he forced me to stop taking my mental health medication and then abused me as punishment for the symptoms that I could not control, and he beat the shit out of me whenever he found out that I had been up to date on all of my vaccinations, especially HPV. He also very closely controlled what I was allowed to wear including how I was allowed to do my hair and jewelry, and what parts of my body I was allowed to shave and how I was allowed to shave certain areas.

I only live there a few months before my dad got high on cocaine and punched me in the face, breaking my glasses. I left and walked to the local Walmart to ask if they would fix my glasses and I began crying, so they called my mom and the police.

My mom and her husband came and got me and it was decided that I would stop school and focus on getting a more consistent piercing apprenticeship and my GED. My GED prep instructor was one of the first people to suggest I get evaluated for a mathematics disorder and autism spectrum disorder. I started smoking cigarettes.

Age 17- 2012

My mom and her husband started treating me like an adult. I was doing well in treatment and I regained my social life. I began coming out to friends as non-binary.

I reconnected with a friend from Elementary school ("Andy") who I'd always had a crush on and we went on a date. I took a Klonopin beforehand, and even though I was in recovery and I had never smoked cannabis before, I smoked it with him and his friends. I had a really bad reaction to taking both of these together, but I remember what happened.

I was all over him and I had sex with him, making it the first time I was able to have consensual vaginal sex, but one of my internal scars reopened and I began hemorrhaging on my walk home.

My phone wasn't working, but my mom eventually found me and took me to the hospital, demanding they do a rape kit. The first hospital refused so we went to a second, at which point a rape kit was done without my consent and my mom threatened to give up her parental rights again before being talked out of it. I had to receive internal stitches. Andy was arrested, not for the supposed rape but because he was on the run and avoiding placement. While in placement, he revealed that he was diagnosed with POCD or pedophilic obsessive compulsive disorder, and I was naively supportive because I believed that his diagnosis wasn't the same thing as him being an actual pedophile.

Around this time I began planning to run away to Italy with someone I met online to marry her friend, and I began dating a 27 year old behind my Andy's back, though we didn't sleep together before Andy came home from placement and I focused on him. I was just looking for a way to get out of my situation.

On the anniversary of my best friend's suicide, I tattooed her initials on my own wrist. I got my first professional tattoo shortly after.

In December of 2012, my dad died from a heart attack. He was found next to cocaine and paraphernalia for shooting up. I temporarily moved in with family and I reconnected with my extended family and my brother and sister. After my dad's funeral, I really tried to become friends with my sister despite her being extremely abusive, but eventually I was forced to cut her off after she and her girlfriends jumped me and forced me to stay up for 24 hours straight after they believed I had stolen my sister's pills, despite the medication being something that I'm allergic to and if I had taken them, I would have had anaphylaxis.

Andy got home from placement and we started dating on and off in person, but he treated me really badly. With him, and while talking with a therapist, I started discovering how I was able to be physically intimate with people.

Age 18- 2013

I got my GED shortly after turning 18. I scored a 99% in all subjects except math, in which I barely passed.

Shortly after turning 18, while Andy and I were broken up, I found out I was pregnant again. I begged for him to take me back but he wouldn't, and shortly after we discovered that I had a missed miscarriage, which resulted in an infection. I needed a surgical procedure to remove the remnants of the pregnancy because I was unable to dilate due to previous damage.

Around this time, I lost my insurance and my mom started kicking me out for short periods. I began doing fetish modeling and other sex work for money. I was repeatedly sexually assaulted during this time. I would couch hop or sleep outside.

I lost 60% of my hearing in my left ear due to an infection. I was bit by a tick while on a walk with "Dick", with whom I'd begun casually sleeping with. I later discovered this tick infected me with Lyme disease.

Once winter hit, my mother decided to kick me out permanently and arranged for me to go to a homeless shelter. The day before I was supposed to go, I found out that I was expiriencing another miscarriage, despite not knowing I'd been pregnant. I responded by attempting to take my own life, but I still went to the shelter the next day.

I was in the shelter and dating Andy, "Johnny", and Dick on and off for awhile until Andy was arrested for raping his nieces, aged 11 and 13. I responded by getting into a fight with him and biting a chunk out of his arm. "Johnny" and I reconnected for a little while but he was still involved with an older woman who was extremely controlling of him and who encouraged his addictions in order to keep him around, so I eventually just stopped talking to him.

Age 19- May 2014

I agreed to move into a 4th story apartment above the homeless shelter that I was living in, despite it not having an elevator and my motor skills and mobility noticably worsening. I spent many nights with friends to avoid going up the stairs to my apartment.

My apartment building was full of black mold, so I was hospitalized for a week with pneumonia after a few months of being there. During this time, my sister and I reconnected after she heard from our grandmother that I was in the hospital. Upon returning from the hospital, I was talking to my sister on the phone while going up through the building to my apartment, and during that conversation I had come out to her as non-binary and pansexual. Several minutes after I got off the phone with her and I was changing my clothes, my landlords used their keys to open my door and immediately started yelling about my genitalia and making transphobic comments. Apparently they had heard my conversation with my sister from their office on the second floor, and they decided to use it against me. Upon leaving my doorway, they went down the hallway to the door of my neighbor, who was a trans woman, and they treated her in a similar manner. This happened on a regular basis the entire time I lived there.

Towards wintertime, an incident happened in which a friend of mine backed over my right ankle with a motorized shopping cart at Walmart and tore the majority of the tendons in my right ankle. I was put in a boot for 8 weeks and discussions about surgery were had, but before we could decide anything, I became unilaterally paralyzed on my right side and I was hospitalized. At first everyone thought I had a stroke, but I was diagnosed with Lyme disease, which caused a kind of Bell's Palsy. I was put on IV antibiotics and began physical therapy in the hospital, which I continued for a year after. It took a week for me to move well enough to be discharged but I was in a wheelchair for awhile and I wasn't able to completely walk again for a few months, and to this day I have some difficulties with my right side (it affects my facial expressions, speech, motor skills, and ability to write and type).

After being discharged and beginning treatment for everything related to the Lyme disease I started seeing a neurologist who looked at my history and realized that I had something else going on besides Lyme disease. During her first meeting with me she had me take off my shoes and she looked at my hands and feet, she had me look to the side and she looked at the whites of my eyes, and she had me do the Beighton test. That was the first point that I ever heard the term Ehlers-danlos syndrome, which began opening up a new level of understanding of all of my health issues throughout my entire life.

"Dick" and I began dating a little more exclusively, but he was physically and sexually abusive when I was recovering from paralysis, and I eventually realized he was cheating on me with his best friend's girlfriend, so I attempted to take my own life. At the hospital after this happened, I was told that I was pregnant and it was more than likely unviable. I miscarried a few weeks later, right before Christmas.

I spent New Years having sex with a married man I met that day, who a girl friend of mine had introduced me to that day. I truly stopped giving a fuck and began just dating around and sleeping around outside of my job as a sex worker. I began drinking heavily and helping my friends plan parties. I basically was just so tired and freaked out by all of the events of the past year that I just was acting as though I wasn't going to have another day.

Shortly before my 20th birthday, "Dick" and his new girlfriend went to a party that I had planned at a mutual friend's house, and during the party it became very clear that things were very close to ending with the girl that he had cheated on me with. She was behaving absolutely horribly towards him and was making everyone there very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, he and I began talking and I gave him the understanding that if we got back together we would be exclusive and he would not be messing around behind my back, and that any and all abusive behavior would cause me to leave. He agreed and we got back together.

Age 20- May 2015

Age 21- May 2016

Age 22- May 2017

Age 23- May 2018

Age 24- May 2019

Age 25- May 2020

Age 26- May 2021

#trauma #childhood trauma #ptsd #cptsd #wip #trauma timeline #timeline #life timeline #tw violence #tw abuse #tw cp mention #tw death #tw infant death #tw pregnancy loss #tw sa #tw drugs #tw sui attempt #tw ed mention #tw inc*st #tw medical discussion #tw child abuse #physical disability #mental health recovery #broken fox productions #Pennsylvania

[thereforeispam]

I'd like to hear ADHD + OCD people's thoughts on this because I often think constantly about the acronyms of a neurodivergent diagnosis in relation to Autism. ASD refers to Autism Spectrum Disorder and is less pronounced as compared to solely 'Autism' or even 'Asbergers', both with a dauntingly capital 'A'. While these groups both share their struggles, there's something more casual in the language of an acronymed diagnosis, and perhaps a bit more culturally articulated. ADHD is abbreviated for Attention Deficet Hyperactive Disorder. Okay, clear cut. Understood. We know what attention means. What deficet means. What hyperactive and disorder means. As a neurotypical or allistic person, you at least have a base-line understanding of an ADHD person's disorder. It's a similar case with OCD - Obssesive Compulsive Disorder.

But Autism? What the hell does that mean? How else can you use Autism in a sentence other than to discuss or degrade the disorder? People with ADHD or OCD say they "have" ADHD or OCD, but Autism is something you "are". I am Autistic. On a linguistic level, this is another reason why Autism is so misunderstood because, unlike other disorders, we don't understand it by its symptoms or idiocyncrasises, so it becomes this terrifying, unpredictable monster in neurotypical minds.

What is Autism? What can it be?

#obviously disorders can overlap and i encourage discussion for that as well #but does anyone else think about this?? #also not discounting allistic neurodivergent people i just want to hear your thoughts on this #adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #ocd #obssesive compulsive disorder #did #dissociative identity disorder #borderline personality disorder #bpd #depression #bipolar disorder #anxiety #ptsd #cptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #complex post traumatic stress disorder #schizophrenia #mental health #mental illness #asd #autism #autism spectrum disorder

[sugar-vs-art]

Warning up front: I am not a system. I am speaking from a place of second-hand knowledge. Take what I say with a grain of salt and defer to those who actually have DID for corrections. They are the ones whose voices carry the most weight on this topic.

> Revised TL;DR because the whole point I was trying to say got lost. So here is better context and less words.

Me: *consumes fan-made content about Moon Knight*

Me: :D

A noticeable portion of said fan content: *uses outdated terminology and previous ‘Hollywood horror’ characterizations of DID, feeds into stereotypes about mental illness in general, gives misinformation about how even the show’s fantasy DID works let alone the real life version*

Me: D:

Me: Well that’s annoying

#moon knight #dissociative identity disorder #tw abuse #fandom talk #FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME ON ANYTHING I'VE SAID #THIS WAS MAINLY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT FANFICS WITH QUESTIONABLE DEPITCTIONS OF DID AT BEST #again wanna reiterate im no expert nor do i have DID #given my cptsd I can EMPATHIZE with certain aspects especially of the trauma variety and how it affects adult life #but i do not have first hand experience with specifically DID so everything i have learned so far #is purely through encountering systems discussing DID and Moon Knight as well as doing my own searching for information #not research mind you im not doing anything college-thesis level here #just looking out for things that have cited sources and dedicated sections

[missxnsuppxrt]

I want to talk about Ingrid’s C-PTSD related to her work. Like emergency aid dispatchers in real life, Ingrid is hearing, seeing and experiencing a lot of what field agents do.

Just think about what she goes through with Leon Kennedy alone. She hears and probably sees everything he does in real time. The B.O.W.s, the death, the violence, the torture. She’s experiencing all this with Leon, but she is forced to compartmentalize her feelings and emotions because in that moment she has to stay calm and vigilant for Leon’s sake. Like, this man’s life is in her hands. One wrong directive and he could wind up dead. That’s soooo much pressure on just one person! I headcanon that the FOS does usually have eyes on their agents either through aerial visuals (like we see in the beginning of RE: Damnation) or they have body cams of some sort by the time we get to RE6. So, Ingrid is seeing what Leon and the other agents she supervises see. She is getting a front row seat to all sorts of awful shit, and even though she’s just seeing that through a screen, that shit is still traumatizing.

Let’s look at what happens in RE4. Ingrid is trying to help keep Leon alive while he’s being essentially hunted by Los Illuminados, and the president’s daughter is at risk. That’s two people Ingrid is responsible for, but she has no control over them or what’s happening. She can’t go in and save them. She just has to helplessly watch and listen. Then she fucking loses all contact with him not once but twice (once when he’s infected, again when he gets to the castle). I mean, can you imagine the horror and dread of that situation? Someone you are personally responsible for in the middle of literal hell on earth has gone MIA. The last time you heard from them, they were in trouble, so your mind just starts going crazy with worst case scenarios. That’s enough to traumatize anyone. But Ingrid has to keep her emotions at bay and stay calm. She can’t healthily process what’s happening in that moment, so she has to deal with all that shit later.

I headcanon that just before RE4, Ingrid lost an agent in Algeria. She was helping them try to disable a bomb, and then their communications failed. She couldn’t see anything. Just all of a sudden, when she’s telling them which wire to clip, she gets static. When she tries to get an aerial visual, she just sees this massive crater with pieces of the agent all over the place. Like, that shit will change a person. And then to go through that again with another agent? Ingrid was on her last leg mentally that day.

Then there’s RE: Damnation. Leon is in the middle of a warzone, and she can see him. She sees rockets nearly take him out, sees gunfire, sees B.O.W.s everywhere. Dead civilians, soldiers being shot up. And then when she tries to guide him out of danger, he just disconnects her. So, after the hell of the disconnection in RE4, Ingrid gets another hefty dose of traumatizing fear and anxiety. Leon is blind on the ground, and she has no way to help him or warn him if she sees something coming. And he is her agent. Her responsibility. I think in those moments, she was probably just imagining all the agents she HAD lost. All the deaths she had to oversee or witness. The torture of having to declare someone MIA or KIA. That shit is hard to deal with for anyone, and Ingrid has no military training. A few sessions with a government offered therapist isn’t going to do jack shit for that.

Then there’s the horror of RE6. She loses contact with Leon and Helena, that’s, again, TWO people she oversees, when they go underground in Tall Oaks (which is, in her words "hell on earth"). This poor woman has been through the emotional wringer. On top of that, Simmons blames Leon and Helena for the death of the president and declares them enemies of state. Now Ingrid has a big decision, does she salvage her job so she can protect hundreds of other agents or does she risk her life for these two? Suddenly her coworkers and superiors can no longer be trusted. They’re all potential threats and enemies. She has no safety net besides these two now-criminals, and she can’t be in contact with them all the time. She can only offer snippets of help when she can call in and watch what’s unfolding from her desk.

Ingrid’s symptoms are usually that she frightens very easily. She can’t watch movies with jump scares at all, even if she’s warned what will happen ahead of time. The sudden scares trigger her. Her triggers are usually audio-oriented. So, for example, if she hears a scream in a movie, she’s going to suddenly remember that time she watched an agent eaten alive during a T-virus outbreak. Or if there’s a sudden blaring music, she’ll remember that time she watched an agent turned into a pulp by a semi truck or the agent killed by a bomb. Stuff like that. Halloween is not a fun time for poor Ingrid. She also struggles with pretty nasty insomnia right after being exposed to a new trauma. Sleep makes her vulnerable to night terrors. And the overwhelming guilt and shame she feels about some of this stuff could be a post all on its own.

#ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ i'll be your support on this mission (headcanons/about) #cptsd tw #discussion of death tw #description of death tw

[cum-villain]

I am a simple bitch, I see new Sylvain content, I immediately send my friend an essay on him.

#watch me write an actually essay on him for school discussing his cptsd and hypersexuality one of these days #braincell posting

[gloriouszeta]

my therapist gave me a bonus hour for free this week bcuz she’s great but i’m stiiiill too hesitant to bring up gender talk

#and discussing CPTSD for 2 hours is a shite reminder everything is truly fucked

[sage-hazeline]

how do u know when ur meant to just sit with ur anxiety (feel it to heal it) and when you should be doing something to cope through it (yoga, exercise, etc)

#anxiety #anxiety vent #anxiety discussion #cptsd #actually cptsd #cptsd recovery #cptsd healing #depression discussion #depression question #recovery #healing #anxiety question #anxiety coping #anxious #mentally ill #mental health question