#PSA they just suck they don’t have personality disorders | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

olderthannetfic · 5 months

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I do think the disclaimers from authors about NOT ENDORSING!!!! certain behaviors in fics is pretty funny, but I’ll admit I do it too. Oddly I only put warnings for abuse of the self, not the abuse of others. I write a fair bit of fic that “romanticizes” (or seems like it does) suicide/self harm/eating disorders to the point where it can almost be a tutorial of how to do it if I’m graphic enough. So in those I normally just add dead dove tags and put a disclaimer about how the trigger warning is no joke and you shouldn’t do the things that the characters do in the fic. It’s not like a Lifetime Movie end credits where the authors note is filled with hotlines and stuff, just a quick little note that, hey, yeah, if you’re considering this, don’t do it.

Oddly, I don’t think that behavior comes from fandom itself but rather from a completely different corner of the internet — when I struggled with the same stuff that I write about, it was pretty common for everyone’s bio to say that they “don’t promote” or they’re “not pro” and I guess old habits die hard. (Whether or not certain types of depression/SH/ana blogs etc really DONT promote or those words are just a please-don’t-ban-me card is a completely different discussion.)

It’s pretty ironic actually because when I’m on the other side of things (as the reader), reading about it is really cathartic in fic, but triggering (not in a fun way) in “real” books. Like there’s several books I had to DNF or shelf because it got to be too much, but oddly enough fic actually helps me a lot.

WOW that was all way heavier than I intended to get when I first started typing this ask! But yeah, that’s my own personal relationship to “I do not endorse” and I didn’t realize how odd it actually is until I started reading some of these other asks! I don’t think any type of “this is bad, actually” authors note is ever necessary honestly, but I also don’t think they’re that big of a deal — if a note from the writer about how they’re ~totally against the “bad” thing they’re writing about~ really takes you out of the fic that much, I don’t understand that either…it’d be one thing if they rambled on and on but even then I don’t think it’s that big of a deal 🤣 Annoying maybe but no one is required to read the AN.

My general threshold is “would a movie/podcast/real™️ book have a similar Viewer Discretion Adviced notice? If so, your A/N is likely fine and not virtual signal-ly or OTT at all.”

Heh. I think you're assuming a very different type of PSA from what other people are.

From what I've read, self-harm, suicide, and disordered eating are some of the topics that are a bit Monkey See, Monkey Do. Even support group discussions may increase the desire to cut, for example. It's still not 1:1, and we should be able to make art about serious topics, but a PSA doesn't feel totally absurd here. There are plenty of scientific studies showing measurable increases in people hurting themselves IRL after consuming certain material. Even if you did include a hotline, most people's objection is like "That number isn't valid for where I live", not "No one should ever do this".

I think if you polled people, you'd find that many of the PSA-haters are actually totally fine with "Hey, this fic contains serious depictions of mental illness. Make sure you're up for that today." and similar warnings.

But what people are actually talking about in 99% of "PSAs suck" discussions is rape fantasies.

Some clown writes a fic that is blatant fap material for people who like bodice ripper ravishment, and then they plaster it with "Rape Fantasies Bad" commentary that shows that they're judging themselves and their readers in a puritanical way that's a mega-buzzkill, completely out of keeping with the tone of the fic, and completely out of keeping with the actual scientific evidence.

Rape fantasies are commonplace and not a big deal, and to the extent that any depictions are demonstrably harmful, it's things like mainstream Hollywood movies reinforcing very standard cultural narratives, not somebody's sex pollen fic that's probably full of "It's so wrong, so why is it so hot???" anyway.

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jj-is-not-okay · 10 months

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PSA: We need to talk about the whole “fake disorder cringe” thing.

Before I talk about this, I just want to clarify that I’ve never faked a disorder. (Well, I did try really hard to convince my parents that I was a cat when I was 8, but idk if that counts as faking a disorder. I really did want to be a cat tho. My parents stopped letting me read Warriors after that, and I haven’t really read books much since. L parents 🙁)

I think there are way too many neurotypical people judging this situation we have with people that fake disorders, so here’s a hot take from someone diagnosed with ADHD:

I think a lot of people that fake disorders like DID, schizophrenia, or OCD may actually have ADHD.

This is a story from when my father, also with ADHD, was a kid. My grandfather, who was a psychologist, had a book on all the different mental illnesses and disorders. My dad found this book, read it, and was then absolutely convinced that he had schizophrenia. (He didn’t.)

Idk if being a bit of hypochondriac is an ADHD thing or not, but I’m also this way, and my grandmother definitely is.

So another thing that comes into this equation is the ability to mimick people.

Ever since I was little whenever i would hyperfixate on a famous person who I related to in the slightest, I would imitate them unconsciously and sort of feel like i was channeling them in a way. This made me question my gender identity, because I’m a mostly heterosexual, cisgender female, and most of the people that I did this with were male. (I’m fairly sure of my gender now, but it’s still strange that I didn’t do this with women.) I also tend to look for symptoms that aren’t there, and sometimes by doing so, I find them, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I didn’t get my own electronic device until I was 9, and didn’t get access to the internet until much later. But I feel like if I did have Tik Tok as a child, I might have made videos about a girl with split personalities or something like that. But they would have been fictional, rather than trying to convince people that I was like this in actuality. Although in 6th grade I thought I could be a badass insane psycho, but I did this in private so no one knew how I thought I was so cool listening to epic music on the bus and imagining wiping all those annoying-ass kids tf out.

BuT aNyWaYs

Moral of the story: Don’t let your 7yo child go on Tik Tok, but do let kids be kids. And unfortunately many young people with ADHD are naturally cringe. Hell, I should know.

Note: If you fake disorders ONLY for attention or clout, you probably have other issues (but don’t get too excited, that shit sucks).

But I can’t speak for you; I can only speak for myself, and I hope you get help for what you actually have.

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dilexit · 3 years

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A PSA to Technoblade writers

*not trying to cancel anyone or anything like that I just wanted to speak on something to keep this community a safe place for everyone

Hello everyone you probably don’t know me as I am fairly new to MCYT tumblr but one thing about me is that I have voices in my head and so I wanted to just speak a bit about Technoblade and his voices. In pop culture having voices in your head is rarely portrayed as a good thing. The voices always tend to be mean or evil and tell the person a lot of bad and/or dangerous things. While that can be true with some disorders and within some people sometimes voices appear in someone’s head to help them go through traumatic things. While I know technoblade’s voices are said to be the canonic embodiment of his twitch chat they are also chaotic and have a thirst for blood. Now quick I AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO CANCEL TECHNO!!!! I want that to be very clear I just want to talk about writing about the voices. It is completely fine to write about them and have them in your writings I just want to make sure no one is romanticizing having voices in ones head. It is totally fine to have romantic scenarios about canonic techno with the voices either being they chaotic voice that they tend to appear as in lore or saying things to protect the reader at all costs. Those are totally fine and not romanticizing them but if remarks are made about never being alone, falling in love with one of the voices, or the basic things like wishing you had voices or saying he is lucky for having voices. One of the most damaging things for me is being told I can’t be lonley because I have voices because my voices are there to help me survive not keep me from ever being alone. Voices can be quiet and don’t always have to talk to the person. Voices being quiet can effect different people differently personally i get very scared and stressed when my voices aren’t around but that is just for me. Voices even the meaner ones don’t always need to be mean one of my voices who is usually the tougher one can be softer in easier times when stress levels are down. It is also incredibly important to not only portray the bad voices because voices are their own and don’t all share one personality. Not every voice is there to tell techno to murder just like how not everyone in his chat wants him to kill everyone. It is also important to acknowledge that voices are a coping mechanism and they aren’t always the nicest so don’t wish to have your own because sometimes they well suck. I am in no way saying to stop writing for techno please please please keep writing just be careful is all i am asking and trigger warn accordingly by marking in the warnings ‘voices’ just because sometimes is can be triggering and we want to keep this community as safe as possible. Lastly my disorder is much different from schizophrenia and some other disorders like that as I have OSDD1-B so I can’t speak for people who only have voices in their head and not alters but I mean I just really wanted to speak on it because some of my alters can be triggered by some of these things. If I do get hated on I will take this post down but I’m just trying to keep this community safe and available for everyone to enjoy. We love you all and everyone is so talented here and I really don’t want this to be taken the wrong way I am mainly trying to keep my littles and trauma holders safe. Sending all my love- Summer

#mcyt writing #mcyt x reader #techno mcyt #technoblade #techno x reader #sbi x reader #dream smp #dream smp x reader #techno fanfic #mcyt fanfiction #techno

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pepperful-qt · 4 years

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can you write this like an emergency request if u write those?i understand if its a sensitive topic so no worries if u cant write this❤️ Lately ive been relapsing to sh and i struggle a lot with body imagine and have an unhealthy relationship with food so can u write smth on how would iwa-chan🥺,kageyama,tsukki and tendou treat their s/o who struggles with the same things

hi! i hope this isn't too late! i’m sorry you're having a relapse, i’ve been there, trust me, and it's awful. i hope this brightens your day just a little!

for you and as a psa: my dms are always open if you need to vent to someone in private! sometimes life sucks but you should never feel sucky by yourself!

warnings: body image insecurity, eating disorder (classifying it like that just to be safe!)

Iwaizumi, Kageyama, Tsukishima, & Tendou with a s/o that struggles with body image and food

*****

Iwaizumi Hajime

Iwa is a guy with a big heart that cares too much, but it’s often hidden behind the facade of tough love

so when he first found out about your insecurities, his first reaction was a mix of confusion and heartbreak. maybe you’ve looked sad before, but when it comes to things like body image you just retreat and look uncomfortable, and he never ever wants you to feel like that, especially around him

so this reaction is followed promptly by annoyance. not at you but rather at the concept that your own brain would make you feel that way

it probably takes him a bit to understand these thoughts aren’t really something you control, but once he does he’s an absolute sweetie

there’s always a bit of contact when he’s around you: a hand on your thigh or an arm over your shoulder, or just touching your ankle to his underneath a table

just little things to show you he’s there and the little things that bother you don’t bother him. he loves you, all of you

he also understands if you don’t want to be touched or don’t like pda, so he’ll stop if he sees you’re uncomfortable, but won’t be defeated easily. and if you’re just cuddling in private it’s much harder to get him off of you

he clearly takes care of his body, and it looks good, so it’s very easy for you to feel bad about yourself when you’re around him, but if you ever tell him this he doesn’t accept it

like i said, he’s a tough love person

so you’ll get to hear lots of affirmations

if he notices you starting to relapse or having a bad day, he’ll ruffle your hair and wrap you in a hug, not really mentioning it but inviting you out on a date after practice or something

the most he’ll say is “it’s written all over your face” or something, not outing you, just letting you know that he knows and you’ll get some extra love <3

now, he accepts that your brain won’t always love your body, but what he does not accept is punishing that body by eating badly (that’s how he sees it)

i am positive Iwa is a self-care king, just look at him. he also goes into sports medicine, which just tells you how conscious he is of this sort of thing

sorry, but he will get irritated if he sees you not eating, or eating crap. irritated in the most loving soccer-mom way possible

he starts to recognize the tells: leaving your plate barely touched, turning down your favorite treat when he offers it, looking disdainfully at food, etc

so you know what he does? momma bird Iwa starts meal planning and packing you lunches

do you dare turn down such a gift? yeah he’s guilt tripping you a bit but it’s for the greater good in his eyes

just rants about how much research he did (reassuring you it’s healthy) and effort he went through to prepare it until you cave

“if you’re not gonna eat a lot at least eat healthy” then tricks you into eating something really filling or with a lot of calories that’s in small portions

nothing gets past this guy

expect more intimate cuddling and attention to any areas you express insecurity about. best big spoon out there <3

* * *

Kageyama Tobio

bby is genuinely confused

of all these boys, he probably understands your insecurity the least, but he puts the most effort into trying to

he asks you questions about it, googles & sends you articles

it’s either healthy dieting and meal options written by a professional nutritionist or like,,, a pinterest image about self love he’s trying

which if nothing else makes you smile and roll your eyes

does NOT allow you to skip meals. as distant as he seems sometimes he always has an eye on you

offers to lend you his diet before realizing that you don’t put in 50 hours a day into volleyball like him

i think he’s probably already awkward when it comes to pda, so he doesn’t think much of your lack of contact in public

initially he thinks that you looking uncomfortable when he does try to touch you means he did something wrong :( and he’s a little pouty about it

so he asks the only senpai he trusts: Suga he has enough common sense not to ask Tanaka or Noya thank god

and Suga gives him the best advice: talk to you

Kageyama doesn’t get nervous when it comes to vb, and even with exams he doesn’t really

but when it comes to relationships, and it comes to you, he becomes a nervous wreck. he’s almost always terrified he’ll do or say something wrong, bc he cares about you so much and cares about what you think of him! and it’s not a common feeling for him

oh boy is he nervous about this

Kags, love him loads, is a blunt guy, and communication is not his strong suit (hence his reluctance in the first place)

so when he brings it up it’s less than delicate, but it starts the conversation

and when you tell him about your insecurities, he’s silent the whole time, just listening to you

honestly, he feels a bit worse since it seems like he was making you uncomfortable by trying to touch you, but not for the reasons he thought

you do assure him that it wasn’t him making you uncomfortable, but his relief is only taken over by sadness

“why?”

he really is trying to understand how you see yourself that way. if it was purely out of wishing to be healthier he could, but he realizes it’s deeper than that

he’s not great with words, and he knows this, so instead he brings you into the biggest, tightest, warmest hug, stroking your hair and everything

mutters in your ear( there’s a small shake to his voice which is the only sign of his nerves) that he doesn’t understand how you see yourself that way, because you’re the most beautiful person in the world to him

just lets you know that he’s there for you. tbh he struggles a bit getting used to figuring out what makes you comfortable, but dedicates himself fully to it

he leaves sticky notes all over for you to find with affirming affectionate messages in his whack handwriting

he definitely got that idea from pinterest <3

* * *

Tsukishima Kei

he’s an expert at reading people, so he notices your insecurity before you tell him

loose fitting clothes aren’t necessarily weird, but the way you curl in on yourself and shy away from his touch with that expression is. he understands not eating a lot, but he notices the look of resentment you give the food you do eat

he doesn’t address it until you do, and when you do, he’s an excellent listener

but long before you ever confess your fears to him, he’ll drag you along to the cafeteria with him and Yamaguchi, holding your hand and keeping you close, then buying you a treat

and it’s been confirmed that Tsukishima has one of the smallest appetites, but he gets more than he can eat anyway and asks you to finish it for him

he’s very sly in the ways he takes care of you lol. another guilt tripper too

he’ll find ways to compliment you casually

he’s more casual about the pda, but definitely holds your hand and back hugs you love that height advantage and you’ll get a peck on the cheek as a greeting and goodbye

and when you’re in private, you’ll get a forehead kiss with a whispered “i love you, okay?”

when you cuddle he’ll run his fingers over the exposed parts of your skin, even if it’s just your palm. it’s a delicate touch that lets you concentrate on him and not other parts of you

his teasing nicknames are always things like ‘dummy’ or ‘dork’, never anything regarding looks or your eating habits obv

doesn’t make a big deal out of it at all, but makes sure you feel secure and loved when you’re with him. will always listen when you need him to

you want someone to keep you in check? you got him

if you tell him you’re trying to cut back on sweets, he’ll hold you to it bc he’s supportive

unless you’re doing something unhealthy like fasting without doing proper research, then he’ll whoop your ass

“i thought you said you didn’t want any ice cream? am i not sweet enough for you?”

“you’re literally the definition of salt”

then he’ll give you a kiss that proves him right (he can’t deny he’s a salt rock) which is a bit ooc for him until you see the smug little smirk on him when you act surprised

“no ice cream”

but it’s hard to complain now 😌😳 especially when he initiates a cuddle session

* * *

Tendou Satori

if Kageyama is the one who understands the least, Tendou is the one who understands the most, by far

he’s showering you in compliments 24/7 anyway, so it’s hard to feel negative around him

but it’s not always that way. especially when you’re on a low, the compliments about how you look sting as much as they elate, sometimes more

and he picks up on this, how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, or how you’re a bit more self conscious after

he puts two and two together, but like Tsukki, doesn’t bring it up until you do

i think at first he tries his own coping and deflection mechanism: humor

he’d say some offhand joke and you don’t react well, and that’s when he’s like oh shit and realizes it’s more serious

so now when he does compliment how you look, it’s less goofy and more sincere, and he’ll always have some contact when he does (usually holding your hand)

eventually you do open up to him, and at first he’s quiet, not really making eye contact, but holding your hand tightly anyway

he’s reliving his own experience and empathizing to the fullest extent

Tendou’s not really one to spout the motivational sappy crap, bc he knows that’s usually surface level and it’s not that easy

not to say he doesn’t give you affirmations (the compliments don’t stop either) but he’d feel hypocritical if he told you to that it didn’t matter what you looked like and you should love yourself anyway, even if he does love every bit of you

he asks what makes you comfortable in regards to touching and eating

if you’re someone who wants to be held when you feel like shit, he’s got you covered 120%. if you just want him to be casual, he’s cool with it, but will double down on compliments

never oversteps those boundaries unless he feels like you’re hurting yourself, intentionally or no

and he helps you focus on what you love! that’s where he found his sanctuary in volleyball and he knows how important it is to find that safe space

and when you do, he is so ridiculously supportive it’s almost, almost embarrassing

saying he forces you to eat with him is a bit of an exaggeration, but he does act very dramatic about how much he misses you and wants to spend every moment with you, including during meals

eating with him becomes less stressful because he respects you and makes you feel comfortable

will feed you stuff with chopsticks so you don’t focus on the food, and enjoy your experience eating so much that you look forward to it

he doesn’t pity you at all

will buy you treats when you ace an exam or something though, and some for himself bc solidarity!

“you deserve it 😘~”

*****

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onewfantaesy · 4 years

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I am so sorry that people sent you hate for your stories. Personally, I find your fics amazing: not only are they beautifully written but also easy and fun to read. They always keep me on edge - I can't wait for updates. They are extremely therapeutic to me: fluff makes me happy but some angst helps me with my own traumas and problems - f.e. MitD. I'm often shamed for being chubby so to read about eating disorders helps me not to fall for it. Also you're my fav author so thank you and love you!

Honestly? I can ignore anon messages or messages in general. I can just delete them and block them, it’s whatever. But when I’m already getting that and then there’s a reply left on the actual post abt why I’m so messed up for posting it? Then I get mad. It is literally so easy to just ignore a post, move on to the next on ur dash or whatever, or block me if u rly think I write such terrible horrible fics. Literally just block me if u don’t like my fics! It’s easy!

And please don’t get sucked into an eating disorder. Don’t be tempted by it, it’s not worth it, honestly. It’s a damn trap. There’s nothing wrong w being chubby, nothing wrong w being overweight, but if ur unhappy w it, just try to lose it in a healthy way. Have healthy and realistic expectations. And if anyone ever needs someone to talk to or just listen to, both of my forms of messaging are always open.

I won’t lie, that PSA was written in the heat of the moment, but the message still stands. I’m still a real person. I’m not some fic bot. I know I pull a lot of ideas out of my ass and I’m not afraid to deny it, but I still have like,,,feelings lmao

Anyways I highkey feel like shit now today so idk how much more I’ll post. But can I just say, it makes me weirdly giddy that u guys have given Monsters in the Dark an acronym (MitD) it’s so stupidly easy and obvious but idk it makes me smile every time I see it lmao

Thank u for all the nice things u said. I’m so glad my fics are easy to read bc honestly I’ve tried reading some others lately and I feel like I feel lost in the mumbo jumbo of some of them lmao (does that make sense? My response feels all over the place I’m so sorry).

#hello anon

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m2-hee-hoo · 4 years

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EVERYONE I HAVE A PSA FOR FRIENDS OR FAMILY OF PEOPLE WIH MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder)

1) Treat them with care! They might need support and such, as MPD is usually caused by trauma or literally ANYTHING bad.

2) DO NOT TRY AND SAY "Suck it up and go back to your usual self" OR BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. Thats a very mean thing to do in general, plus it might make a whole new level of trauma etc.

3) UNLESS THEY DON'T KNOW, DON'T POINT IT OUT TO THEM. They (the ones who do know) ALREADY KNOW. You dont need to point it out every time a new alter shows its face.

4) Do something with them. Make them feel better.

5) If they're constantly lashing out at you, it may be an anger alter. Just leave them be, itll soon pass. But do give them love. Dont downright ignore them.

This is all I have for now, and if anyone would like to add on or point out facts or anything, PLEASE DO!! I'm not fully educated on it either, though I do speak from personal experience. Thank you!!

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rebellion-12th-century-blog · 6 years

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Please let children be children as long as possible.

Don't get me wrong I know we all have to grow up eventually but today I heard my mom tell my 11 year old niece - in all seriousness - she'd have to get a job to pay for her hair (which she just got done by a professional for the first time). My niece isn't even a teenager. But my won't let her be a child...

I'm the result of what my mom is pushing my niece towards. Isolation, neglect, low to no self-esteem. Mental disorders. It sucks. Yes I'm a strong person on the outside but on the inside I never grew up. I didn't learn what I needed to know from absent parents. My brothers did. I didn't. I raised my siblings while my mom was in bed most of my childhood and my dad was away.

My brothers are not treated the same way. They're all pampered and treated like they're going to do stuff with their life. I'm the maid and I fucking hate it.

So please. LET CHILDREN BE CHILDREN AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. No I don't mean don't teach them how to do certain things - cooking, cleaning, raising others -but don't rely on them to do those adult things. They aren't teenagers yet. Hell, they probably don't even realize what you are doing for them. But in time they will. Teach them what it's like to be an adult later. Don't ignore their childish side. Please.

-This has been a PSA from a very emotional admin-

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miishae-archived · 6 years

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Copied and pasted from an old rp blog of mine, that I feel is very important to read:

Question I was asked: ❝MAY I ASK SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM AND THE COMMUNITY? I KNOW YOU CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR YOURSELF SO I WILL KEEP IT MORE CENTERED TI YOUR PERSONAL PREFERENCES AND WHAT YOU'VE SEEN TO BE A GENERAL CONSENSUS?❞

Not very many people are aware what Autism or even Autism Spectrum Disorder is. Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of people tend to think of it as “diaper wearing, drooling idiots”

I’m going to start off by talking about my own personality first, and why it should not be outright dismissed as being ‘oversensitive’.

I am on the spectrum disorder. I’m very high functioning, as in, I am able to live on my own, with a boyfriend. I’m able to work, I’m able to walk around in society without causing a disturbance. But just because I appear ‘normal’ doesn’t mean I am.

I’m very very awkward. I get emotional and burnt out really quickly, especially in social situations. I don’t like physical contact, and I don’t like people yapping at me constantly. This is sensory overload. I get tired and cranky, and a lot of times am seen as rude for this.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for how little people understand autism. I constantly have to point it out, because even my loved ones don’t understand me. I can talk to someone over and over about not touching me or shutting up for awhile and giving me some space, and they’d just ask me a lot of questions that really don’t need answering.

I don’t talk much, and it’s not because I’m shy or introverted. I was originally diagnosed with having Nonverbal Learning Disorder, and while I don’t know if that is an outdated diagnosis or not, it aptly describes my social skills still. Link

How it relates to me personally though: I suck at social cues. I suck at maintaining eye contact, I don’t read body language well, and I tend to be brutally honest to a fault. What I think is a reasonable and fair statement can come across as rude and offensive to someone else. It was not my intention to be rude, and since people would rather be offended and passive aggressive, I don’t know how else to word things and I’m sorry, but you need to work with me and not shut down on me. How else am I going to learn how to interact with you?

I’m also incredibly literal minded. I know on tumblr it seems like I’m sarcastic and witty, and I know I crack a lot of jokes, but you would not believe the amount of times I’ve had to go to someone off tumblr and ask “what did this person mean? I don’t understand.”

It’s literally because I don’t understand you. I don’t get a lot of metaphors or jokes, and everyone else will be laughing and I’m sitting over here like “I don’t get it?” and no one wants to explain the joke because “I mean, it’s obvious!” No, it isn’t. Not to me.

I also tend to get hung up on certain things for long periods of time. I hate change in my routine. I hate changing things up because honesty: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But as far as ‘obsessions’ go? Video games comes to mind. I could tell you all about the Borderlands series and how it’s a great game filled with fan-fucking-tastic characters and how it’s an entire world built on survival and it’s dystopian and cyberpunk and-

Or I could tell you when I was a kid and the LOTR moves first came out, I was obsessed with them. I launched into repeated lectures about how the behind-the-scenes worked, or how they did this camera trick, or why that scene was the best to film, and OH did you know Viggo Mortensen was not the original Aragorn? He was called in last minute and only came on because his son was a huge fan and pushed his dad into filming.

I know no one actually cares, but I still care. If you let me talk about something I care about, I will TALK.

This is just the personality side of autism. How ableism comes into play is very subtle. And everyone can be ableist. Friends and family who come to me asking to understand, only to say “okay cool” and forget about it ten minutes later.

I have friends who casually throw around the R-slur. I catch myself using it from time to time, and I’m desperately working to unlearn it. But that word is so heavily used by so many people, and it’s so insulting to hear it thrown around so casually. But worse than that are the people who actually use ‘autism’ as a slur.

“A guy complaining about being friendzoned? He’s autistic.”

“If you play Minecraft you’re autistic I don’t make the rules.”

First off, statements like these are annoying, because they lump a good majority of people into one category, and second off, it’s assumed that people who are autistic are drooling idiots.

There’s a reason it’s a fucking spectrum, okay? I know quite a few people who are on the spectrum, and I’ve heard of other people who are on the spectrum. Everyone has different levels of coping and living. I’m not my cousin, who does need help, because he can’t function on his own.

I’m probably worse off than someone who can hold a stable job and learn to drive and fully function, and I admit that I do need my hand held on some things.

It’s quite possible to unlearn your way of thinking. Quit throwing around slurs as insults. They’re insulting, and frankly, tired. If you want to insult someone, there are far more creative ways to do so.

But it’s not just insults that are the problem. It’s people not caring enough. It’s people who feel the need to speak over us. You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t find insulting. Frankly, I can’t stand blanket “these words are ableist” lists, because more often than not, they’re written by neurotypicals who are trying to appear Woke™, except that they argue with actual NDs who disagree with their assessment.

Also, and this is a BIG ONE FOR ME

DO NOT ASSUME EVERYONE WITH AUTISM IS A CHILD. I am so tired of seeing mental health awareness posts right here on fucking TUMBLR, of all places, with messages for children. I am 33 years old. I’m so far from a child or even a teenager, and I feel like putting my hair in pigtails and wearing little jumpers every time I see one of these super condescending PSAs about mental health awareness or autism awareness. Adults with autism exist, please quit excluding us in your misguided efforts to raise awareness.

I do agree that it’s not my job to educate you. You can ask questions, and I can answer, but I’m not your encyclopedia source. There are tons of helpful links and websites you can go to learn more about autism, spectrum disorder, and anything else that might be linked.

That being said, don’t go the opposite direction and completely ignore its existence. By ignoring it, you’re only contributing to the rampancy that ableism is. It’s very real and very damaging. It’s big things, like me being denied food stamps in my state because they didn’t believe I was disabled and I couldn’t get proof without them wanting to assign a counselor and them wanting to thrust me into the working world anyway (which was the whole reason I mentioned I was autistic, because I need fucking help?) and little things like “You’re too sensitive, just deal with it.”

Ask questions. Look up resources. Not just for autism, but for anything related to mental health or physical health. Ableism is rampant in able-bodied people too. My brother in law is in a wheelchair and faces quite a bit of ableism himself.

All this being said, please please watch how you talk/interact with people. Much like I need to learn social cues and how to interact with you, You guys need to understand that my personality isn’t going to change. This is literally who I am, and who I always will be, so you have to be patient. You have to recognize that I’m trying, and I’m not perfect.

And most importantly of all I guess, we’re not disabled. We’re different. We think differently, and we act a little off. But we’re not bad people. Not all of us, at least. (There are people who play up the “I’m-disabled-be-nice-to-me card” and they should be held accountable for their horrible actions)

Personally, I’m trying. I’m tired, and exhausted, and lonely. I have next to nobody to rely on, and I know I have a lifetime of learning how to behave better ahead of me, and I’m just tired. but I’m still hanging in there, in the best way I know how: by being me. If I can educate myself and learn about how ableism is a problem, so can you.

#autism #ableism #personal experiences #adults with autism #actually autistic

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atlien · 6 years

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta aired the 17th episode of it’s 10th season last night (March 25, 201).

This week’s episode is titled, ‘ReMARCable’ as Kenya Moore’s new husband finally makes an appearance.

Bravo synopsis:

Tyrone makes an exciting proclamation to Shereé, while her daughter comes home from college and grills her about the romance. After her abrupt exit from Barcelona, Porsha blows off some steam with Rickey Smiley. Kandi worries that dropping NeNe from the Xscape Tour will cost them their friendship, while NeNe teaches her son Brentt to learn from her mistakes. Kenya returns to Atlanta to screen her domestic violence PSA, and a surprise guest shuts down the haters for good.

Recap + watch full video below…

Porsha and Ricky Smiley…

Another day, another fake relationship. This time, it’s Porsha Williams and radio personality Ricky Smiley.

The pair share some quality time at the skating rink where they commiserate over Porsha dating choices.

Porsha says she spends way too much time working and while she wants kids, she’s not ready to give up her life as it is right now.

Never forget Todd and the “baby-nup’…

Meanwhile, Ricky suggest they hook up while she makes up her mind.

Kandi & Todd Stand Up For Nene…

The Kandi Koated Klique get together to discuss business and Don Juan notes that Kandi has way too much on her plate to add any more properties to her portfolio.

The Old Lady Gang restaurant is doing great and Kandi is thinking about buying more property in the area now that it’s been reported that Google is planning to build it’s headquarters nearby.

In addition to building her empire, Kandi offers a bit of insight into Nene’s controversial rape joke and the backlash that followed.

[READ: Nene Issues Tearful Apology For Controversial Rape Joke… (VIDEO)]

Kandi admits that she now considers Nene a friend and feels bad about the heat she took and her being booted from the Xscape tour.

Even Todd says that Nene was acting as a COMEDIAN… hell, ‘even Trump has said worse things like grabbin p*ssies!’

Facts.

Don Juan agrees but reminds both Todd and Kandi that it was a business decision and not personal.

Hopefully it won’t affect Kandi and Nene’s budding friendship.

Sharee’s Prison Bae Has Plans For The Chateau…

Sheree is constantly on the phone these days and one can only assume that her phone bill is higher than my mortgage payment!

Whatever the case, it seems that the owner and sole proprietor of the Chateau may be planning to add yet another name to the deed.

[Sidebar: That deed has changed names several times over the years. It’s been under Sheree… her mom… her daughter… and when the IRS was ALLEGEDLY after her, it was moved under her LLC. But I digress.]

One could reasonably surmise that Sheree’s ex-con has invested a bit of his ill gotten gains into her never ending construction project, since it seems that he’s already professing ownership.

Chateau Tyrone doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it?

Anywhoo… Sheree gets the jump on her man’s plans and dives into getting her moldy basement ready for his arrival.

Even Sheree’s youngest daughter Kaleigh questions her life choices these days as she tells her mom, ‘there are a lot of fish in the sea and you go for the jail bait?’

Sheree lies to her daughter and says that Tyrone should be out “later this year” but the truth is that his actual release date is somewhere around 2022.

For those of you who don’t know, Tyrone is currently serving time for running a multi-million dollar Ponzi scheme. Tyrone was sentenced back in 2013 to 10 years in prison for swindling investors.

[READ: Tyrone Gilliams: Ivy League Scam Artist… ]

That hidden money must be a helluva motivation to wait!

Moving on…

Two RHOA kids choose career paths…

Nene and her youngest son Brentt have an conversation about his future. Now that Brentt has graduated high school, Nene wants to make sure he’s on the right path career wise.

Brentt is adamant that he doesn’t want to go to school and in fact, he admits that since he’s been following his famous mom on her comedy tour, he’d love to also be a comedian one day.

While Nene would love for Brentt to go off to college, she knows that if his heart isn’t in it, it would just be a waste of time and money so she decides to support him in his decision to enter the entertainment realm.

The advice Nene offers her son is two-fold. First, follow your dreams because it sucks to have to go to a job you hate just to make money…. and secondly, be confident in your journey.

Nene says that she’s willing to mentor her son but she doesn’t want to be a ‘Momager’.

On a related note, Cynthia has a similar situation with her daughter Noelle. Noelle has taken a year off from college but has now decided that she has an interest in dentistry.

Noelle has secured a job as an intern at a prosthodontist’s office and Cynthia pays a visit for lunch.

Prosthodontists are specialists who are trained in cosmetics, dental implants, crowns, bridges, dentures, temporomandibular disorders (TMJ/TMD), and more. They also treat and handle dental and facial problems that involve restoring missing tooth and jaw structures.

Noelle seems excited about her new opportunity and is planning to return back to school to study the trade.

Marc Makes His Grand Entrance…

We’ve waited all season to “meet” Kenya’s new husband and he finally makes his appearance as the season comes to a close.

Kenya hosts a screening for her domestic violence PSA and when asked about her husband, she says that Marc isn’t coming because she didn’t book his ticket or pack his bags. Apparently Marc hates to fly by himself so he won’t be joining his wife on his big day.

Coincidentally, just as Kenya is making a speech thanking the people who “hold her up daily,” in walks Marc Daly.

Marc is suited and booted for his wife’s event and is even bejeweled with a nice shiny nose ring!

Sheree is the first to inquire about it and Shamea can be heard calling it “dainty”.

Needless to say, the ladies all still seem a bit skeptical about Kenya’s relationship and that’s ok… as long as she says she’s married, I guess we all have to take her word for it.

While there’s still no record of a marriage license, at least Kenya’s produced a real live man this time.

There’s something off about the couple though and I just can’t put my finger on it. Producers even caught the fact that Marc didn’t even seem to want to hold his wife’s hand! *sigh*

We talked about a few other details in the LIVE after chat last night:

SUBSCRIBE TO ATLien on Youtube!

What are your thoughts about this week’s episode of RHOA?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta aired the 17th episode of it's 10th season last night (March 25, 201).

#Brentt Leakes #Celebrity Kids #Cynthia Bailey #Kaleigh Whitfield #Kenya Moore #Marc Daly #NeNe Leakes #Noelle Robinson #Porsha Williams #Rickey Smiley #Sheree Whitfield #The Real Housewives of Atlanta

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kirincult · 6 years

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ASTHMA PSA

Hey, y'all, athsma fucking sucks. It's not normal, it's not a "nerd thing," it's not a result of living an unhealthy lifestyle. It's having lungs that don't fucking work. Maybe no one has told you what it actually is, so here I am to help. It's a chronic illness of the respitory system. The most common way it manifests is in the windpipe becoming inflamed and filled with mucus, preventing airflow. There are inhalers that quickly reduce this inflammation so that the person in question doesn't die. This can be caused by any manner of things. Exercise, particulates in the air, or just your body being an asshole can all trigger asthma attacks. Yes, that's right, exercise can trigger an asthma attack. It's not being unfit or lazy or weird, it's your body being a little shit and not letting you do what you want without shutting down. The other way athma presents itself in in the actual lungs. When exposed to asthma triggers for too long, the parts of the lung that process oxygen into the bloodstream can become inflamed, essentially slowly suffocating you. There is no emergency inhaler for this. It just sucks. So the next time you see someone taking an inhaler for any reason, please don't say it's "kindof a nerd thing" to stop moving or exercising to take an inhaler. Also, don't act like it's somehow normal or not a real disorder because it's more common. It sucks, it's real, and it affects my daily life a whole lot, because oddly enough, life is pretty hard when you have lungs that don't work.

#chronic illness #asthma #seriously don't be a dick about it #chronic illness tw #medical tw

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temeraire · 7 years

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edited-to-be-less-angry tourette’s psa:

- don’t!! tell someone who is obviously dealing with tics or compulsions to stop or that theyre crazy or stupid or a twitchy freak or stare at them or make them feel uncomfortable. like i promise i Know i look weird. it’s p common to have anxiety abt vocal and motor and facial tics and how people notice and look. but i cant help it & i cant stop it any more than you can stop swallowing! while it’s possible to temporarily suppress tics, it’s uncomfortable and borderline painful sometimes and it’s unfair and often impossible for someone to suppress them for hours

- please don’t refer to tourettes a mental illness!!!!!! its a neurological disorder, as in a permanent and inborn alteration to the brain. also: its not temporary; its a disability. telling someone they’ll “get over it” or talking about “recovery” or a “cure” is similar to telling someone born without an arm that it’ll “grow back”. my brain is physically different to yours; it’s not a psychological thing. (edit to clarify: this isn’t meant to imply that mental illnesses all have cures/recovery, or arent disabilities! they can be just as permanent and affect people just as much as any neurological disorder)

- hooooo boy if someone tells you they have tourettes dont say theyre “making it up” or “faking it” because they dont have a swearing tic. coprolalia (compulsive swearing) affects a tiny minority of people with tourettes? don’t you ever think you know more about how someone else’s brain works and let alone tell them that they can’t be some way because of a damn stereotype!!!

- “oh wow you have tourettes? do you know lots of tourettes people then? i think x has tourettes bc of (nervous tic like playing w their hair/person likes to swear/stupid habit thats obviously not a tic) what do you think?” NO!!!!! often people have never met anyone else with tourettes. i’ve been advised against seeking a support group because of the high likelihood that i’ll adopt tics from other people there (which is a real and very annoying thing) and i know others have too. it’s pretty common to be isolated with tourettes. and im not going to diagnose someone else with a damn neurological disorder because you’ve noticed a nervous tic or some habit they have or because they have a potty mouth. that’s pretty out of line.

- “(overly sympathetic, pitying voice) oh wow this must be hard for you!! i’m so sorry!” this one is more annoying than anything ??? like. like yes it sucks sometimes but i guess it also sucks that people have to like. sneeze? or cough? or swallow or blink? i and others (typically) don’t want your pity. i’m used to this. yeh, i’ll complain about my speech being interrupted or a sore back etc from tics, but. this is how i live. if i wanted pity i’d ask for it!!! (this is also often accompanied with an “i hope you get over it soon!” which genuinely is infuriating though)

anyway @ any tourettes people (or other tic disorder people!!) i love u and ur tics and i hope youre never made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable or isolated. youre rad as hell!!

note - i edited this to be less personal and less aggressive, so i’d appreciate if you could reblog this version instead of the previous one!! & if you have any tourette’s-related questions, my askbox is always open.

#te #monologues #tourettes #tourette's #tic disorder #long post //

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scummy-writes · 7 years

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You can feel free to ignore this as it's just a thought induced ramble, but I feel like this is a really important topic that's over looked by anyone that doesn't suffer from it. I also have no idea how much sense this is going to make when I'm finished, but I'll give it a shot. Menatal disorders are an issue that a lot of people are aware of, but never actually do anything about. I personally, have been diagnosed with my fair share of mental illnesses (I'll get back to this later). [1/?]

[2/?] I have dealt with these issues for the biggest part if my life, yet it was only recently I did anything about it. Even then it wasn't voluntary if I'm being honest. At that point in my life, it was so bad that I couldn't even go to school an entire week without having to leave early due to an anxiety attack that practically left me useless or a depressive state so bad that I would have to be sent to the councillor for 'inappropriate mentions of suicidal tendency'. It was just a bad time.

[3/?] This sounds like me just ranting over my problems, but in actuality I'm just sharing the state I was left in before doing anything to help myself in hopes of getting someone else to get help. The term mental illness is thrown around like a ragdoll, but it's not something to feel ashamed of. It makes a lot of people, myself included, feel like they're contagious with something making us incapable; However, it simply means our minds operate differently than they should.

[4/5] If you genuinely feel like there is something wrong with your head, or you think that you may be prone to hurt yourself or someone else, then you don't have to struggle with this alone. If you can't tell your family, tell your school. They are legally required to suggest therapy to your family if they feel you may put yourself in an unsafe situation. A lot of people vent to their friends, which it's good to maintain that level of trust, but it can only do so much.

[5/5] This entire stream of messages may sound like I'm just spewing bullshit, but I'm serious about all of this. If you or your friend seem to fall in the category of needing help, then don't risk yourself over it. Your mind naked up you as a person, so take good care of it. This isn't just a PSA to Scum, or my way of crying out, but an actual, real life thing that I believe a lot of people need to hear. I know I needed it when I was in that situation. I won't bother Scum with this anymore💕 -B

You never bother me, Bashful! You’re such a sweet bean!

Dealing with mental illness is hard. Based on my personal life experiences, I can’t even begin to list off the many times I’ve had a jumble of “Get over it”, “It’s all in your head”, etc etc. And it’s difficult, soooo so so much of the time. It’s hard to get out of bed, it’s hard to interact with people, sometimes it’s even hard just to breathe.

But! There is always help. Where I live personally let me get therapy free for a while, and then later with a copay I could safely afford. Now, again, it took me a bit to find a therapist that worked with me since I live in a very christian place and, uh. They didn’t like that I was Bi and an atheist, but then I was able to switch to a different therapist.

Not everyone has the luxury of therapy. And it sucks, honestly. Some people would rather take pills. In all, I think that what personally works for you, as long as it’s not harming you or anyone else, is what is needed most. Be as mindful as you can about your situations, but also strive to not be so harsh on yourself.

I can’t personally help everyone with whatever issues they may face. It hurts because I wish I could!! All of my followers and people I know are so sweet, and hearing that they have to suffer always hurts!! However, if your school has a councillor and you can afford to visit them due to not being able to visit anyone else, I would try! I did that a lot in late middle school, and she found offered ways to help me get help for what I suffer with! And she helped me with some anxieties with school.

It does get better! It takes time, but it does get better, and it’ll be worth it all for when it does get better!!

#scum talks #I'm sorry I can't offer the best ever advice for yall! It's different for everyone #tony-pork

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nieded · 5 years

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hey. here’s the thing about depression and american’s boot-strap philosophy:

i’ve been thinking about this A LOT lately. i have dysthymia, or persistent depressive disorder. it can be a low level form of depression which leads to more severe major depression. it is chronic.

growing up, i didn’t know i was depressed. as a young adult, every roommate or partner i had suffered from severe depression which led to episodes of dysfunction, sadness, anger, etc. these were the sort of ‘classic’ symptoms of depression. some of my roommates and partners managed their symptoms with psychotherapy and medication, some did not manage them AT ALL. so by the time i was maybe 25, i had a pretty clear idea of what depression looked like in all stages of coping, right?

i still had not acknowledge i was depressed!

here’s why: this country has a hard time recognizing mental health disorders as a medical issue! it sucks! when people talk about depression, they talk about it in its most severe forms. this is good on one hand because i am all about suicide prevention and mental health education, BUT we still don’t talk about it like it’s COMMON, and we don’t recognize the symptoms in their less severe forms.

so, you ask, what does it look like in less severe forms?

the reason i went undiagnosed for so long is because a.) i grew up in a family that were not educated to recognize i was depressed and b.) because I was functional in society.

what does functional in society mean? i got good grades, i had a healthy social group in school, i participated in extra curricular activities, i was well-liked, etc. on paper i was doing really good. as an adult, i was top of my class in college and graduate school, worked full-time, maintained a job with good performance reviews, and left a favorable impression on most people i interacted with in a professional setting. i maintained romantic relationships. normal. i was normal. i was successful.

i was not happy.

in middle school and high school, my mom and i had this huge conflict because i was ‘lazy.’ i would go to school, do well, come home, and at 4 pm, shut myself in my room and sleep until 6 in the morning. my parents wrote it off as ‘being a teenager,’ but look, it’s not normal to sleep for 14 hours every night. i would socialize with people in school and at my teenage job, but i would not speak to ANYONE outside of those situations. in college, i had 0 friends. i mean, i had classmates and people who i follow on facebook, but i did not party. i did not go out. i did not get dinner with people and eventually stopped getting invites. i shut myself in.

but! i was successful and friendly and well-liked if distant so it was all good! right? right!

i did not know i was unhappy because everybody perceived me to happy, so i assumed it was true.

here’s what low level, persistent depression looks like for me right now: i still sleep a lot, unless i’m not sleeping, awake at 2 in the morning and going weeks at a time only getting 2-4 hours a night. i am irritable. i am a maladaptive daydreamer who would rather shut herself in her bedroom and hide under the covers than speak to her SO who lives with her. i do just enough to get by in my job. i cannot walk my dogs. the dishes haven’t been washed in about two weeks. i have no clean clothes. other people don’t see this stuff because i don’t let them see it. on paper i am successful. i just got two promotions this year and am taking on more work responsibilities. i am funny and social on facebook with my family.

i didn’t know i was depressed until i started living with my romantic partner for the first time which is very different than having a roommate. we are constantly in each other’s back pockets and have to make financial decisions together. we have to communicate on a higher level than just that person i live with. my SO suffers from severe chronic depression and has spent a lifetime on a variety of medications, speaking with multiple professionals, and learning coping strategies. it has impacted his job in the past, his schooling, etc. when he suggested i might be depressed, at first i said, nuh uh, look! i’m good at all these things!

but it started to pick at me. and i started to notice just how anxious i was all the time. i started to notice how irritable i was. i wasn’t sad, per se, but i wasn’t happy. i didn’t know irritability was a symptom of depression, but guess what, it’s my number one symptom! it all came to a head when i got upset over dinner, called him a bunch of unnecessary and profane things, stomped out of the house and drove for an hour to get away from everybody. he shut himself in the guest bedroom that night, and when i woke up, i thought, why the fuck did i do that and say those things? i don’t feel that way. i don’t think those things. i don’t communicate like that.

my SO was super supportive though, and he went with me to the doctor. i got put on medication. they said it would take 2-4 weeks for me to notice a difference, and honestly i still was suspect about what sort of difference i would see or feel.

but then one sunday i got up and was like, hey lets go downtown and get breakfast. and when he took 2 hours to get out of bed, i didn’t get mad about it. i was just like, yup, that’s his depression, and it’s cool. i’ll go walk the dogs while we wait. and he rolled down the windows, which I HATE, but i wasn’t irritable. it was sunny and beautiful outside, and the interstate was totally backed up, but it was ok cos i was hanging out with the love of my life and we were gonna have a fine and dandy breakfast. and we sat outside and ate, and on the way back he put on hip hop which i am not really a big fan of, but suddenly it was okay! and then macklemore came on--who i like because i am a basic bitch--and the song had a catchy chorus, and i could not stop smiling.

i was smiling. i was happy. and i had this realization that i had not smiled like that, genuinely and for no reason, in years. i had not felt that bubbling joy coming from within me since i could remember. and i tried to be mad about it! i tried to get upset that i had gone without, but i couldn’t. i was just h a p p y to have it now.

and maybe i’m late to the party with this realization, but i’m typing this out to the very small group of people who follow me because i want y’all to know that depression looks different in everybody, and it’s not always the same as depicted on TV and PSAs. and if you think there’s a problem, you’re probably right because you know yourself better than anyone else. so don’t go by what’s expected of you. go by what you want.

i still struggle with being social. i still struggle with staying functional when i’m not in public. but i am happier and take more time for my partner and for my pets and for myself. i started writing again for the first time in 8 years. i started having interests again instead of just sleeping. i am not perfect, but i am better.

#mental health #depression #dysthymia

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zandriina · 6 years

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LONG ASS POST BUT I’M SO UPSET AND NEED TO VENT.

PSA: If your parent has a new/ long term partner, and they are shitty to you, YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO BE FORCED TO LIKE THEM REGARDLESS.

Let me give y’all an example why.

My parents split back in 2009 and for some strange reason (I still don’t know the story), my dad was suddenly seeing this woman (We’ll call her M). Bascially, he brought her as a ‘friend date’ to the last Christmas party my dad always took us too before he moved to work at the head office of his work place. Knowing it’s none of my business, I didn’t think much of it.

Fast forward to a year and a half later when I meet her truly for the first time. Something about her just rubbed me the wrong way and no matter how much I tried, my kindness was not sincere when it came to her.

The night before today, basically I have been spending the last couple of hours (including when I first came to my dad’s and four fucking years) trying to basically tell my dad ‘you need to own up to the shit you’ve done that has contributed to my depression specifically’ and EVERY FUCKING TIME, M would always put her fucking two cents where it’s not wanted.

Once, she had the audacity to question about how I should know how other people handle anxiety than how I deal with it.

FIRST OF ALL, I said some people handle anxiety different than how I handle it. I have read similar stories about others who have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and some have proved to handle it better than I have. Obviously I wouldn’t know if every fucking person who has GAD deals with it the same.

SECOND OF ALL, I was talking to my DAD, not you, so shut the fuck up.

And then she’s gonna say ‘oh I’m not a psychiatrist or anything??” Bitch, why’d you open your trap then....

Fast forward to this past Saturday/Sunday, I literally was about to throw hands with my dad because she decided to put her input about me taking Benelyn cough syrup when I got sick because of my dad (mind you, I am a cranky person when I have a cold) because sometimes things that are natural sometimes do not work with me. Basically it was similar to when I was considering taking anti-depressants again two, maybe three years previously and of course SHE HAD TO OPEN HER MOUTH. It destroyed trust in myself to take anti-depressants because my dad said ‘only crazy people take those’. Like...did me being in the hospital for two months trying not to kill myself while at school meant nothing?

He actually visited me and told me I don’t need to be there and that I don’t belong there because I’m not crazy. (I faked being okay to please him; I’m such a fucking moron for doing that.)

To put the cherry on the cake, I was upset with my dad about how I handle having depression around him. I tend to make snide comments which entails putting myself down or something like that because I was telling my dad that his family is also a reasoning behind my mental health issues and I don’t like the things they have said. And once again, M just HAD TO PUT HER FUCKING TWO CENTS IN, basically making a mockery of be because apparently, I do the same when I’m around them??? Haha no, sweetie, I’m actually putting myself down; I don’t give a shit about you.

‘But Dominique, you do the same thing’ Me: UMM????NO I DON’T???WHEN HAVE I EVER???? ‘Ahaha, don’t make me make a list of the things that come out of your mouth’

Yknow what hurt the most?

Instead of backing me up, his fucking child up, my dad LAUGHED WITH HER.

DO YOU THINK THAT PUTTING MYSELF DOWN IS A FUCKING JOKE TO YOU???

All I came down from my cold ass apartment from the small areas of Ottawa was to try and attempt to repair my relationship with my dad, but NO, he will always put her before his kids.

I am so fucking done and I am literally about to throw hands at this bitch. I am NOT in the fucking mood for my damn holiday by this woman nor my dad. The fact that saying you’re sorry for destroying your child’s self esteem and self worth is not worth it? Do I literally have to fucking stand in your kitchen and cut my wrists in front of you to prove my fucking point?

I am clinically depressed with severe anxiety and he had a role to play in it from when it started. The fact that he was hearing about me being bullied, verbally and emotionally abused by teachers and acting like this is brand new pisses me off. I was there when I was in fucking tears when I didn’t want to go to school because of it, or when I told him what has going on. You know who actually apologized and tried their hardest to support me with my issues?

MY MOTHER. He did nothing. He literally told me to suck it up and ignore what people say about me

WOW I WOULD’VE THOUGHT OF THAT HAD MY SELF WORTH WASN’T ALREADY DESTROYED.

I’m so fucking tired that sometimes I wonder if living is even worth it but my siblings, the few friends I have, my mom, my cat and my godson love me so that why I even try.

This relationship with my dad is cancelled. I’m done waiting for an apology. I’m done waiting for him being the support that is missing that I’ve desperately wanted for ten fucking years. I am tired and I am DONE.

#personal #long post #tw: sucide mention #tw: emotional abuse #swearing #jamaican parents tbh #my dad the asshole #and his pos girlfriend #sick of them both.#Major depressive disorder #Generalised Anxiety Disorder

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