#THAT HITS ME DEEP INSIDE KY HEART.

[c10v3r]

i think more people should draw in the bluey style its cathartic

#LIGTHBULB I LOVE HER SHES SO CUTE #inanimate insanity #ii lightbulb #ii paintbrush #i think paintbrush would be one of those dogs with the long hairy ears #still had to add that iconic headband #if.... if anybody would want to see any other characters in bluey #blink blink..... u can ssk me to draw that guys.......... blink #i should actually watch the show im australian and have never really watched it #i remmebrr seeing that one clip of the kids in the car #and the little kid is like 'why cant you do as your told' and the bigger kid is like 'i dont know' #THAT HITS ME DEEP INSIDE KY HEART. #NOBODY TALK TO ME

[loth-wolffe]

HI LOVE, THIS IS ME ASKING NICELY FOR 39 WITH WOLFFE...it can be fluff or angst or nsfw hehehehehehehehe whatever ill love it anyways,, thank you!!!

A confession of a something he's not sure he heard

Pairing: Commander Wolffe x fem!reader

Prompt: 39. I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me. - Ivy by Frank Ocean

Word count: 1,7k

Warnings: uhhh, a lil (big) splash of smut so there's piv sex. minors stay bACk. also cockwarming hA. and one (1) sentence of dirty talking.

A/n: SO. ship requests drained me entirely and I was rip in peace so I decided to take a small break while I regain my strength. besides I saw s4ep5 for... reasons (*cough cough* wolffe) and wHO would've thought. that bitch got me into my wOLFFE feels. woah. commander how DARE you sir.

anyways, this is for you, anna my darling. hope you like it mwah.

He's been back for three rotations now, and even though it's like it always has been, you still feel like tiptoeing over eggshells.

Wolffe hasn't said it back yet, and it's not like you said it for him to confess it back to you, but with every hour that passes your heart broke at the thought of him not feeling the same, but at the same time, there's no sign of him not doing anything that isn't loving you.

He kisses you the same, with a fervour that makes your legs weak, touches linger more than you could expect as he worships your body, tongue leaves a wet trail as he goes down on you, relishing your skin as if he has never tasted it. And bites hard, nips gently, and sucks with a delirious eagerness every part of your body that he can find. He marks you, as if to claim something, maybe the unspoken feeling from his side of the wall you have tried to break down ever since meeting him, maybe he tries to hold on to the words you did spoke and he refuses for them to settle in his heart because there's the possibility of being scared of the unknown.

A step further into a commitment he might not be ready for just yet.

But that's not the case, though, you can feel it in your bones as you remember how it was him the one that asked if he could stay the night that first time you two enveloped in a warmth of sweat and ecstasy, and it was him the one that invited himself over every time he was around until your home eventually became his too.

It was him, the one that always took that step towards you.

Until now.

Uncertainty molds your body with every breath you take, and you want to say it again because there's there's the chance that he didn't hear you, the words always ready to leave as they wait in the back of your throat for you to push them out and into his arms.

But when is a good time, if it wasn't when you first admit them out loud? Is it as he comes home and kisses you breathless? Or could it be as he steps out of the shower?

Could you tell him when he's between you, with your legs on his shoulders as he acts on those same words and brings you to a quivering edge where all you know it's his name, a trance where all you can think is him, his mouth on you, and the feeling he brings; would it be appropriate then?

As you disregard the doubt that hammers your mind, you tell yourself it's better if you wait for when he's gone again and maybe then, –during one those calls where he's just a holo in your room, a blue image of him that you could break through with your hand if you reach out to touch him– then, you call him out on his lack of response, and if, when, you make a fool of yourself, you can always end the call before Wolffe sees the feelings he brings with his rejection.

It's a safe ground, when you're away from each other, to make silly confessions and admit your deepest secrets, a nonjudgmental space that can hold the embarrassment for you as it dissipates for the next time you look into his eyes.

Yet, it's in the afterglow of a goodbye he breaks the invisible emotional barrier that had settled between yourselves during the last few days.

It's him, again, the one that takes the step towards you.

Wolffe kisses you softly, tasting the sweat of your skin as the two bask in the blissful moments after you have reached your highs. The silence is cut by the occasional sounds of your mouths meeting, and it could've been minutes, it could've been hours of you just like this, feeling the other for what it might be the last time in months.

You sigh into his mouth when he settles better above you, feeling his length awakening once more inside you. He moves slowly, deliberate, and it's in times like these that you wish to know what he's thinking.

It's when his mouth finds your chest that he speaks, lips over your skin to muffle the words because there's no escape if you do hear them.

His voice is hoarse and his breath is warm as they not only hit the skin of your breast but also the muscle that beats for him.

"I love you."

You hear it as your fingers get lost in the dark curls, stopping the movement of your nails against the scalp, eyes snapping open and you find him looking straight at you and into your soul, trying to find something, anything, that lets him know he's not alone in this.

"What?" your voice is a thread, barely a whisper as you can hear the thump of your heart loud in your chest, he must've heard it too, as he kisses the surface of the place that holds it between your ribcages.

"Thought I was dreaming when you said it," he whispers as he makes a path of kisses from your sternum to your jaw, your breath gets caught in your throat and his lips ghost on yours, "but even if that's true, it doesn't change the fact that I do."

His mouth is hot against yours, and your walls flutter with him still inside, dragging a groan that you happily drink from his lips.

"Why did you wait to tell me?"

But you know why. For the same reason you them held back and ended up choking on the words.

"Why haven't you told me?" his words pierce through you like a knife, and you open your mouth to confess your excuse but it gets stuck before it rolls off your tongue.

You have.

Days ago, you did. In a rushed conversation where he told you he was coming home the next day, before he had to go, as darkness covered the sky and you looked up trying to find him in the vast ocean of planets and stars even though it was impossible for you to do so. You had told him right after he said goodbye, weakly, scared he might not return to you, but you had told him, in a whisper, in the safeness of your side of the line,

"I love you, be safe."

And it's until now that you're sure he heard, it took him a few seconds for the call to finally end.

"I did." Is all you say.

Wolffe smirks and leans down to suck the conjunction where your jaw meets your neck.

"Why not say it again?" He's teasing you, you know it, but it's the need of reassurance in his voice that stirs something in your stomach, a pang of guilt, perhaps, because you're taking too long, and maybe it's because you know how it feels that you don't want to drag it any longer.

"I love you."

He hums, kissing the corner of your mouth, and if it weren't for the smile on his own you would've believed his next words came from a different place.

"You're just saying that."

You shake your head, your refutation leaves in a little sound because you can't seem to think of anything else to say, not when he leaves open mouthed kisses in your skin, it is when his tongue meets the perky flesh of your nipple that you let out a breathy, "I'm not."

"Is it because I'm still balls deep inside you?"

You could cry, because he's making it hard for you when it should be the other way around; you should be the one showing no mercy because it was him the one who delayed his answer for three days instead of a second.

But you don't find it in you to tell him to stop, either. Always at his mercy.

And the way he says it, how he says it, sends a wave of arousal down to were you're intertwined, you feel him twitch inside you and only him can turn a soft moment like this, an admission such as the one you're letting on, into something lustful enough that drowns the affection that drips from his eyes.

"Wolffe, I–"

But whatever you were going to say is cut off by the thrust he gives, deep and slow and you can feel him whole, the remnants of his last orgasm lubricating the two of you and he pulls back all the way to the tip before he slips back in with a squelching sound, toes curling at the feeling of him moving again and he grunts in your ear.

You moan, not knowing what else to do as you hold him by his shoulders, nails digging on his skin as you feel your body rock with the intensity of each thrust, needing something to anchor you and keep you grounded while you try to keep up with a conversation that happens between your eyes.

"Say it." It's the need in his tone that makes you tell him with an urgency you hope that matches the one in his eyes.

"I love you."

He growls, low but powerful enough that it rumbles in his chest, and his teeth take your lobe as he pulls lightly from it. Another thrust of his hips makes you cry out.

"Again." Wolffe demands, and you realize that it's for him to not forget, to hold on to the words the best he can, and it's all because he doesn't want, he refuses, to spend another day with his own doubts.

He wants to make sure he heard them right this time.

And it's between cries and sighs and moans that you repeat it until it's only a breathy chant that falls from your lips as you reach that peek he knows how to push you towards in the most perfect way.

And it's not until he's back on that soft side that only shines in the aftertaste of it all that he says them again, as his lips caress the bruised skin once more and his hands massage the marks on your hips. It's in a light voice and with warmth clouding his eyes that he makes you know he feels just the same.

taglist: @foodandbooksplease @dottiechan @ladykatakuri @tacticalsparkles @lightning-wolffe @hellothere-generalangsty @beskarprincessjenny @badbatch-simp24 @milppa @obi-bae-kenobi @baroclinicinstability @murdertoothpick @ahsoka1 @kybacrystal @arkainea

u can join or leave the taglist ✨ here ✨

#commander wolffe #commander wolffe x reader #wolffe x reader #wolffe x you #commander wolffe x you #clone trooper x reader #clone wars #star wars smut

[loveactionsspeaklouder]

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

10| Hold On

a/n: the song used in this chapter is Chord Overstreet - Hold on - check it out!!

february 2024| paris

Molly glanced at her watch and then her computer screen; she was sat at her desk in the Camp des Loges, patiently waiting for her work day to be finished. It had been two weeks since her conversation with Kylian and she still hadn't seen Adam, his work holiday had lasted longer than expected. Maybe I could look him up, she thought. She knew it was silly, but it was the only option she had. It wasn't like she didn't trust Adam, she just wanted to be certain about her decision. The conversation with Kylian had hit her hard, she realised how cruel she was being.

After having to spend the past fourteen days alone in her apartment, she knew she could do a lot of thinking about the decisions in her life she was desperately needing to make. Molly found herself always wanting to talk to Julian, she was starting to develop strong feelings for him. They kept their distance, not wanting to do anything until she had fully spoken to Adam.

Kylian, on the other hand, was miserable. His pregnant fiancé was somewhere in Italy, posing for the cameras, leaving him all alone in their shared home. He remembered the last time Rosalie was away for a long period, he would find himself fulfilling his needs with his former girlfriend. He realised he couldn't do that now; a, she didn't want to speak to him and b, their affair didn't exist anymore. And you only have yourself to blame, he reminded himself. Like Molly said, you always choose Rosalie.

....

february 2024| paris

"What are you doing here Julian?" Molly chuckled. It was a quiet Thursday night; laptop was open with work, music was on the TV, wine was in her glass and she was alone, but she was okay with that. She needed the wine to calm herself down, she knew Adam was due back at the weekend.

"I wanted to see you," Julian blushed. He kissed her cheek and rested himself on the couch, patting the space next to him. She rolled her eyes and closed the door, walking over to where he was sat and straddling his lap. He softly ran his hands down her thighs.

"Did you miss me Juju?" she sniggered. She pinched his cheeks and pecked his nose. He glared at the use of her new nickname for him; he preferred it to the nickname Freddie had given him, Julie. Molly playfully pouted at his reaction and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. "I'm happy you're here."

Julian tenderly stroked her cheek; he moved his lips closer to hers, stopping a few millimetres apart. "Are you sure?" he whispered. Molly nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. He grinned and passionately kissed her, moving his hands to her waist to pull her closer to his body. They kissed for a few minutes, only pulling away to take a breath. "When's Adam ba...?"

"I love this song," Molly interrupted. "Please can we dance?" she begged. Julian chuckled at her enthusiasm but agreed, he stood up and intertwined their fingers, walking over to a free space. It wasn't a secret that she knew how to move her body, but neither of them had danced with each other. She wrapped her arms around his neck, whilst he placed his hands on her hips. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, listening to the lyrics.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Julian closed his eyes and delicately held Molly's body. He missed the feeling he got when he was with her; their romance didn't last long, but it was long enough for him to fall completely in love with the brunette. He didn't admit it back then, but it broke his heart to see her with Kylian. But he loved her and he only wanted what was best for her. He now hoped that she felt the same.

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you

He intertwined their fingers and gently spun her around. She softly giggled at him continuing to turn at a slow place. Julian gazed at Molly with adoration; in his eyes, she was perfect, she was everything he had wanted. He wrapped his arms back around her body, breathing in her scent. He tenderly kissed her forehead, resting his head on her shoulder before closing his eyes again.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

He opened his eyes and caught her gaze. He couldn't help but smile at the sight; a rosy-cheeked Molly, her blue eyes shining and her lips slightly parted. He cupped her cheeks and moved his lips closer. "Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you," Julian quietly sang along, his eyes glossy. "I knew you were still in there."

She laughed at his actions (mainly because of his terrible, but cute, singing). She grabbed his hands and softly swayed them, the alcohol in her veins allowing her to chuckle more. "I tried so hard," Molly confessed. "But you are the only person who can bring it out of me."

Julian pushed her hair out her eyes and kissed her forehead. "I don't think it's wrong for you to change some aspects of who you are," he softly spoke. "But I don't want you to lose yourself again. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

....

february 2024| paris

Molly was finally about to have her much needed conversation with Adam. He had returned home from his business trip; she'd had a few days to rehearse what she was going to say, but as she found herself sat in front of him, she still didn't have a clue how she was going to word it. "How was your trip?"

"Fine," Adam nervously smiled. He chewed his lip and gazed at the brunette. She looked happy, he hoped the news he was about to tell her didn't ruin that. "Moll, I need to tell yo..."

"You fucking arsehole!" Molly's jaw dropped when she saw Kylian swing her apartment door open, his eyes full of rage. He slammed the door shut and walked closer to Adam, connecting his fist with the Englishman's face. "You're a piece of shit, how could you!"

Molly moved herself in-between the two men, shoving the Frenchman to the other couch. "Stop!" she screamed. She passed Adam a bag of ice and turned to face Kylian, she narrowed her eyes at him and shot him a questioning look. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

He sarcastically chuckled, glaring at the figure behind her. "Why don't you ask him," he scoffed. "Have you asked him where he's been the past two weeks?"

"Molly hear me out, I..."

"Hear you out? You should be lucky I haven't punched you again," Kylian spat. Molly shushed him and turned to Adam, softening her eyes and placing a hand over his, waiting for his response. "Oh, I can't wait for this."

He took a deep breath, removing the ice from his bruised cheek. "I was with Rosalie," he started. Molly rapidly blinked, confused at what she was hearing. She looked at Kylian, who was tapping a finger on his knee, trying to contain the growing anger building up inside of him. "We bumped into each other in Italy; she was there for a shoot and I was there for work, I don't know how but our paths crossed."

"What happened between you two?"

"We started talking about our relationships and bonded," Adam sighed. He took a quick glance at Molly, she calmingly smiled at him. "She was there longer than I was, so I decided to stay. We went out one night and I got drunk and kissed her."

Molly stayed silent, processing the information she had just heard. She realised she couldn't be angry, she had done far worse. She was more disappointed in Rosalie, knowing her situation with Kylian. But he's done worse to her. She heard him move from the couch and angrily walked towards her bedroom, banging the door shut. She went over and hugged Adam, softly whispering in his ear. "I'm not angry. I'll go speak to him."

She ran a hand through her hair before opening the door, she saw Kylian looking out of the window. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. "You know you can't be angry."

"I know," he exhaled. "That's what's making it fucking worse."

"Kylian, look at me," Molly demanded. She spun him around, cupping his cheeks. She noticed the hurt in his eyes. He really cares about her, she thought. "We need to forget this happened. I can't tell Adam the truth; not only did we kiss, but we flipping slept together. You're going to be a father, I can't ruin that for you."

"So, what are you going to do? Keep lying to him," Kylian suddenly yelled. He folded his arms with an angry frown on his face. "I can't see you with anyone else."

"You're not listening to me," she mumbled. She sat on the bed, closed her eyes and slowly rubbed circles on her temples. "You're going to be a father, I can't take you away from that. We aren't good for each other Ky; I love you but I can't be with you."

"So, you just keep lying and pre..."

"Who's lying about what?" Adam unexpectedly questioned. Molly looked up and saw him leaning against the door, she loudly sighed and held her head in her hands. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes," Kylian hissed. Adam raised an eyebrow, he was trying to piece together what was going on. He remembered some of the conversations with Rosalie, he found it strange how protective Kylian was of Molly. He looked between the pair, eyeing his girlfriend. "Leave."

"No!" Molly abruptly stood up and moved closed to Adam. "I've been lying to you," she started. "The reason I wasn't mad about what happened between you and Rosalie, is because I've done something worse."

"What?"

"I've been having an affair, for the past couple of weeks."

Adam was speechless. He shook his head and sat down, pushing Molly's hand away when she attempted to touch him. He looked up at her, his eyes dark and full of rage. "With who?" his voice coming out low and intimidating. She eyed Kylian and gulped, he went to grab her hand but she spoke first, rendering him to speechless.

"Julian."

....

a/n: everything is coming out now!!! so, rosalie and adam... unexpected! finally he knows about molly’s affair (even if it is with the wrong person, but yolo) 

who do we prefer - kylian and molly OR julian and molly??

stay safe xxx

#Kylian Mbappe #julian draxler #fanfiction #fanfic #football #psg #Paris Saint Germain #Football Fanfiction #football imagine #imagine #kylian mbappe imagine #julian draxler imagine

[kimikitty96]

Goodbye Letter to my Eating Disorder

It’s been hard. The past 3 years were so difficult, I’m surprised I haven’t completely lost myself. From having relationship problems, to deaths in my family (my brother and kitty died), to being sexually assaulted in the gym, to almost losing my mom this past year...suffice it to say, it’s been rather difficult. 

I turned to my old “friend”, Edward. We “met” when I was 8 years old, and lost touch when I started working at 21 years old. Or, at least I thought we lost touch; he just put on a mask. But here he was again. He was there for me when I was struggling the most. No one else understood my pain the way he did, and no one numbed me like he did. He gave me the drive and motivation to get out of bed and to go to the gym; he kept me from faltering on my diet and turn to comfort eating; he continued to cheer me on when I made mistakes and would tell me to keep going. When I have injuries, he’d tell me that my initial weight loss was not due to me exercising, but my eating habits and to not worry, I can still continue! When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he said to me that I never have to go back to that gym, and that I can go anywhere else to get my “Brazilian Booty”. He suggested I take a trip to Vegas and just enjoy myself, then come back and get serious.

He comforted me when my fiance would reject me, saying if I listened to him, I won’t need my fiance because I’d be able to attract the guy I really wanted, that all I needed was a little push. When my kitty passed away, Edward allowed me to grieve and to celebrate her life by going to a buffet and enjoying seafood, on one condition: I had to make sure that I was right back on track by making sure that I would “let my body rest” from food for a couple of days.

Last July (2019), I went into PHP because I knew something was seriously wrong. Edward was no longer helping me. His voice grew louder in my head, and what used to be gentle nudging became more forceful, more frustrated. Here was his evolution:

-”Oh, you want carbs? Well, that’s okay! You can have carbs and use it as energy for the gym when doing cardio/lower body workout tomorrow! Just make sure you lower your fat intake, okay?”

-”Yes! There’s a food festival! Make sure you get your 10k steps before you go, okay? We’ll eat everything we want, just like those fitness people do on YouTube! You’ve earned it!”

-”Oh, you gained weight...again. I mean...maybe you should lower your calories again. You’re eating a bit more than you’re supposed to, so just make sure your weekly calories are where they’re supposed to be.”

-”Lord, you failed an exam??? Okay, you need to hit the gym harder so you can focus better.”

-”[Fiance] refused to touch you again? It’s been a month since the last time? Why do you even want him to touch you at this point? You should just think about that guy who molested you at the gym, since that’s all you can get at this point.”

“You failed another exam? Jesus christ, you need to focus harder. You’ll never finish community college and get into [#1 dream school] if you continue like this! But if you let your body rest from food, you’ll have mental clarity and will remember your course material better.”

-”Oh, fiance said no to you again. You really need to stop having these “cheat days” or “cheat meals”. He’s getting more and more grossed out by you every day.”

-“Why can’t you just stop eating the junk foods you’re eating? You were able to do it before. You’re so stupid, you can’t even get this right. You know what? I’m going to test your willpower. Go out and buy junk food, and stare at it and say no!”

-”See, he’s flirting with so many other women at his work. This is why he won’t touch you. You’re stupid and ugly; you’re worth nothing unless you are at the top of your class, and weigh less than [UGW]!”

-”Why can’t you stop eating?!?! Why do you have the willpower of a drug addict?! You’re nothing! Get rid of that! You don’t deserve your meal! GET RID OF IT NOW!”

-”JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID! IT’S YOUR FAULT YOUR FIANCE DON’T WANT YOU! YOU’RE WORTH LESS THAN NOTHING! YOU DESERVED BEING GROPED AT THE GYM BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR WORTH!”

-”See? You failed a class you already took! This is how stupid and [ableist expletive] you are. You can’t even do that shit right. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU HAVE NEGATIVE WORTH.”

-”Your brother died because he had diabetes. Your mother almost died because of diabetes. They couldn’t control; the shit they put in their mouths, and you will end up with the same fate because your dumb ass can’t even say no to a chip.”

-”Oh, you lost another friend? That’s because you’re a piece of shit. You’ve always been a piece of shit. You deserve to be alone. No one should be subjected to the bullshit that is you. You should just KYS.”

-”No, you can’t have that! You can’t touch food unless I say so! I don’t care that it’s been a week!”

-”No don’t touch food! It’s all poison! It’s going to kill you! Look what it did to your mom and brother! You’re gonna lose your dad too because all food is poison! DON’T TOUCH ANY FOODSTUFFS!!!”

*Me, fainting, at home alone, because I haven’t eaten in a week and my heart rate is in the low 50′s*

-”Why are you being an attention whore? Stop your bitch ass whining and go pee.”

*My response* “Bitch, there’s no one here! Who am I being an attention whore to, my cats?!”

-”Yes! Now stop being a whiny bitch and go pee!”

-”Why are you still here? Why aren’t you doing everyone on this earth a favor and disappear. No one would miss you. They’re not even thinking of you right now. No one misses you now. Everyone is just pretending to like you because they feel sorry for you. They actually really hate you. Just disappear. They don’t want you around anyway.”

-”Leave. Disappear. No one wants you. Just take [redacted], and go to sleep.”

Edward was not helping me. He made it seem like he was, but he wasn’t. He entered my life during a time when I was vulnerable and made me believe he would be my redemption. He knew me; he knew what was best for me. He could make me better/stronger/more beautiful/more desirable/smarter; all I had to do was listen.

That’s not who he is. He is a monster. He’s worse than that; he is pure evil that nothing and no one should ever allowed in. He took what I give him, and it’s not enough. It’s never enough. Once I did what he told me to do, he tells me to go farther because while it’s good, I can do better; I can be better. He destroyed everything I touch and turned it against me so that I couldn’t rely on anyone but him. He isolated me and introduced me to his partner-in-crime, Shame. The more Edward spoke, the more Shame consumed. 

When I thought Edward was giving me drive and motivation to go workout so I could improve myself, in reality, he was telling me my body was grotesque and that I needed to punish myself because I mistreated my body. When he tried to keep me from faltering on my diet, he was telling me I shouldn’t eat [xyz] so I can be healthy, when in reality, he was encouraging me to binge/purge/restrict/fast, causing heart palpitations, unstable-low blood pressure, gastrointestinal distress, brain fog, increased bouts of depression, and severe low self esteem; instead of being healthy, he made me extremely unhealthy. When he continued to cheer me on whenever I injured myself due to too much physical exertion and would tell me to “reign my diet in”, the reality was that he caused these injuries by telling me that I had to keep going no matter how hard I trained, that I couldn’t eat enough calories so I could heal and recover, and that even though I was injured, I couldn’t rest and had to continue to exercise. When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he graciously allowed me to transfer gyms and continue to workout and ignore my mental health when in reality...he wanted to keep me mentally weak so that I would continue to rely on him because he made clothes fit better.

He made it so clothes can fit better; clothes I bought, that I wasn’t allowed to wear, because my body wasn’t where he wanted it to be, therefore I didn’t deserve to wear them yet. 

The past few months have been the most difficult out of the 3 years I’d been struggling; COVID, finishing school and transferring to uni, cheating on my fiance, my mom almost dying (twice), and really delving deep inside me to come to terms with everything I went through and being completely honest with myself...I never want to go through that again. But I am extremely grateful I did, because I saw who Edward really was. I saw him for the toxic, vile, awful evil entity he always was, and now I get to say goodbye.

To Edward:

Thank you for who you were when you back into my life (again). Thank you for helping me cope with my issues, and for keeping my head afloat; you did the best you could, given the circumstances you had. I was broken, hurt, lost, and saw nothing good in me. You showed me that I can be better, and that I can do better. I just have to push a little harder, and I’ll eventually get what I want.

You gave me something to hold on to in the beginning, and thankfully, I figured out your toxicity before it was too late for me. This is me telling you that I want to part ways. I know you’ll still be around, because you are my oldest “friend”, and I know you will do your very best to get me to succumb to your ways. But like you taught me, if I just have a little bit of willpower and a little bit of strength and perseverance, I can achieve what I want; that the only person stopping me is myself. I can either move forward, or sabotage myself once more; it was, and is, completely up to me, isn’t that right?

Thank you for the lessons you taught me. I will utilize them to fight you every single day of my life. Yes, I will have setbacks. Yes, I will falter. But like you taught me; if I falter, I need to keep going. What was it you used to tell me? If I miss a workout, or eat something I wasn’t supposed to, that I needed to work twice as hard the next day? That’s exactly what I’m going to do. If I let you in, I will tell myself that it’s okay to make a mistake, and that I can always turn my back on you whenever you appear. The only difference between your lesson and my OWN words is that I will forgive myself for allowing you back in. 

I want to thank you for all the vitriolic words you’ve shouted at me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never seen the kindest words uttered to me by the ones who do love and care about me (yes, the people in my life love me despite your insistence that they don’t). I want to thank you for the discipline you’ve instilled upon me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never remembered the drive I have at succeeding at endeavors that mean a lot to me. And you know what means a lot to me? 

I MEAN A LOT TO ME!

So I will work my hardest to make sure I fight you every single god damn day of my life, and in doing so, empower me to be the best me I can. And you know what it means to be the best me? It’s to be my most authentic and honest and forgiving self. I means I can finally love and appreciate me the way I love and appreciate everyone in my life.

This is my goodbye. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Kitty 

#eating disorders #recovery #ed recovery #pro ana #promia #proana #proed #binging #ana #mia #anamia #anorexia #anorexa #bulimia #bulimea #can't stop won't stop #self love

[delightfulclouddreamer]

Outburst

Young!Remus Lupin x Gryffindor!Reader

Synopsis: You were a fierce Gryffindor, you loved Quidditch and were really good at it, you loved Care of magical creatures, but you didn't like studying for other subjects. Remus, on the other hand, wasn't good at Quidditch, he didn't like Care of Magical Creatures, but was good at it, like at every single subject. You don't talk with each other, you don't like his friend, but he has always been intriguing. Sirius has his eyes on you. What will happen?

"Y/N!, come on or we'll be late for potions!" YF/N (your friend's name) yelled at you, you were currently reading in the common room, not aware of time. "Yeah right, let's go," you told her, she just shrugged, it has been four years and you have yet to be on time for potions, or whatever subject except for Care of magical creatures.

As you walked towards the classroom your attention was caught from the 4 troublemakers of Hogwarts, you sighed here he comes.

"Hello gorgeous, How you doing today?" The one and o ky Sirius Black asked you putting his arm around your shoulders. "Better before I saw you" you replied removing his hand from where it was.

"Oh don't say that, I know deep down you love me"

"In your dreams Black, now if you have finished with this theatre, I would like to go to the classroom, without you following me," you said angrily, his attitude made your blood boil.

"Goodbye to all of you" you stated madly "Oh and have a nice day Remus," you said smiling to the shy boy behind Potter and Sirius, you turned and started walking away so fast that you didn't see his face becoming a deep shade of red.

"Sirius up your gaze" you yelled not looking back, Sirius reddened while YF/N laughed. You smiled.

Potion was so boring, Slughorn was so boring, you were so absorbed in drawing the shape of an Hyppogriff that you didn't hear the teacher ending the lesson.

"Y/N", you looked up and noticed the empty classroom, abruptly you stood up, you were so caught up that you didn't notice who exactly was in front of you, you stopped for a moment and looked up.

There he was, immobile, gazing at you, Remus Lupin, with his beautiful light brown hair, his gorgeous brown eyes and the usual wound on his face, you smiled at him, a bright and pure smile, he reddened.

"Well, hello Remus, "you said, still smiling, "How are you?" You asked him gesturing for the both of you to start exiting the room

"Oh.. well... I'm. I'm fine yes, thank you, and you?" He asked, nervously, "Oh, fine, I'm a bit tired you know" you two were now walking down the corridor towards the hall, for lunch,

"And why is that?" "I don't know, I have to study so much this period, I'm not very good at school"

"But you have brilliant marks in Care of magical creatures and Transfiguration?" "Yeah, but I'm not good at any other"you chuckled,

"Well..." he started stopping in the middle of the corridor,

"If you want I could help you, I have a good mark in the other subject, and I would love some help with Care of magical creatures, what do you think," he asked, not looking up at you, playing with his hands.

"Remus" you started putting your hand on his shoulder, "I'd love that" you smiled.

"Oh perfect, then, what about tomorrow or do you prefer today?", "Today's fine for me", "Ok see you later than" and like that he speeded away, searching for his friends. You looked at him, oh this boy was going to be the death of you.

At lunch you were completely in your thoughts, you couldn't stop thinking about the encounter you were going to have that evening. As you supposed it went perfectly, and it wasn't the last one, it was the first of multiple, you two would stay in the library for as long as possible, hours and hours studying and then just talking.

He was so nice, he was able to make your heart bounce and your stomach turns, his eyes would lit up when talking about certain topics or when he laughed, his hair would fall on his eyes and he hated them, but wasn't going to cut them, his smile brought brightness into the room, it would light up your day.

After three months you two were pretty close, and both of you wanted something more, but neither made the first move, Sirius was still pestering you, now even more frequently.

"Why How is it going doll?", Sirius said putting his arm around your hip this time, "Sirius could you please leave me alone?" "But doll, I want to go out with you, what about tonight at dinner, me and you alone?", he stated still his hand on your hip, "Sirius I've told you no enough, now leave me please, "you said, pushing him away,

"But doll, Look at me.", enough is enough, you tried to stay calm and to contain yourself, but you couldn't anymore,

"Listen here you prick, I don't care who you are or who you think you are, It's been 4 months, I've told you I don't like you enough times don't you think, I don't like you!", Remus was behind him, shyly as always.

"Then who?" He asked angrily.

You were so mad, you've spent so much time on telling him no, you couldn't stand another try, not anymore, not after you've understood your true feelings.

"None of your concern" you said slowly, "Why do you need to know it so badly?",

"Because like that I can punch him.".

There are times, my dear Y/N where you should stop yourself before speaking, where you need to controll yourself in order to speak, and at that moment, that precise moment, you didn't.

"Than you'll have to punch Remus cause it's him" you yelled, but as soon as his name escaped your lips silence fell in the room, you hushed your mouth, Sirius stopped dead in his truck and slowly turned his head towards his friend, your eyes started watering, while Remus reddened, madly.

You didn't wait, you started running away, while every person that was in the room stared between you running and Remus, who was now processing the events.

You hide in the library and cried. Anger, humiliation and finally sadness hit you hard. Remus. He was never going to talk to you again, never, you needed to prepare yourself.

Nobody found you, you were hidden pretty well, and as dinner time passed, you understood that you couldn't stay hidden forever, it wasn't something like you. So you took all the courage and headed toward the common room, there were YF/N shouting at Sirius and the other marauders.

As you entered silence fell again upon the room. Sirius was staring at the floor, Remus instead was studying from the corner of his eyes your movements, YF/N was stunned, she reached you and hugged you.

"YF/N, I'm going to bed," you said and started walking away. "Goodnight," you told everybody.

As you were climbing the stairs, a voice called out for you.

"Remus", his name left your mouth so heavily, followed by a deep sigh, "Listen, can we talk tomorrow... I... I don't think I can handle your rejection tonight....and...",

"Y/N" almost a whisper, you turned araound, recognizing the voice,

"What rejection," he said interrupting your rumbling "I actually, I... Well....wanted to...." He stuttered out, you were hanging from his lips, all your hopes and feelings did.

The Silence was so deep you feared he could hear you heart pounding and bouncing inside your chest. You were trying to calm down, he obviously just wanted to ask you to stay friend, you continued repeating yourself.

Or maybe... No. Prepare for the heartbreak. Don't put up your hopes.

An eternity passed till he finally spoke...

"Would you like to.... Go out with me?"

You were shocked, completely stunned. Happiness, slowly made its way through you, utter and pure happiness. Processing the question, you didn't answer and Remus was scared.

"Y/N" he sweetly whispered

"Yes?.... I mean yes, I would love to" you replied, your face a shade of red indescribable.

"Well... then what about tomorrow?"

"I would love that"

Needless to say that the date was stupendous, you loved him, and he loved you too. You were going to be together for a long time, and even though that night you were angry at Sirius you never thanked him enough for what he had made you do.

#harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter #remus lupin #james & peter & remus & sirius #marauders fic #marauders era x reader #marauders era fanfiction #marauders era imagine #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x oc #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #hogwarts #young remus lupin #young remus lupin x reader

[annoyinglyjovialbird]

Voltron: Next Generation

Eventful Days: III

Word Count: 2937

Caleb had turned around to lift his hands in mock surrender. There was no way for him to see what had happened. 

Two soldiers, dressed in identical gray armor with purple insignias on the front chest plate, had taken Caleb by surprise. One of them knocked the butt of their weapon into Caleb's back, holding him down at gunpoint. The other had charged towards Kova, still sitting in the cruiser. With a boost from her jet pack, Kova had jumped away from the soldier chasing her. Unfortunately, she couldn't see inside the screen of the helmet, but they could see her. The crew onboard the Galra ship took quick pictures to send to their Emperor. 

While Captain Scars-a-lot had said he would get the girl, he never specified which. He had only assumed. Even now, he wasn't sure that she was the girl. 

"Captain," A voice from the doorway said. The Captain turned, already growling at the wormling who would have to grovel at his feet for interrupting him, but the threats quickly died on his tongue. The broad-shouldered man strode to the helm where the live feed of the soldiers' helmet cams was rolling. 

"My Emperor." The Captain bowed his head, placing a closed hand over his heart. "I was not aware of your presence." 

"If your men are incapable of handling her," The Emperor said, staring at the wincing Captain. "I will not hold it against you." The Captain's eyes opened in surprise, expecting a threat. 

"She is but a little girl." The 'little girl' had come out of her initial shock and summoned a shield, pushing the soldier away from her. With a backflip and an assist from her jet pack, she had landed just behind the other soldier and beat them away from the young man they were holding down. With both soldiers barely standing and the boy out of commission for a while, the girl summoned her bayard. It formed into a long, curved sword. 

"That 'little girl' is Paladin of the Black Lion," The Emperor crossed his hands behind his back. "Her skills in combat are almost unrivaled, by human or otherwise."

"Who could rival her?"

"The young man your soldiers beat to the ground." The Emperor's smile, the only thing not covered by a dark shadow, had grown across his face. "And he's only there because he was caught by surprise."

Back on the space rock, Kova was shielding Caleb from above while glaring at the pair of Fire soldiers. Caleb, on the other hand, was trying to blink away the double vision. Groggily, Caleb lifted his head, taking out his bayard in return. Balancing it precariously on his knee, Caleb aimed and fired. He didn't know which of the three small soldiers he had hit, but he hit one of them. 

"Jax to Coeus, I need assistance." Caleb fired another shot, missing the smaller soldier by a few inches. "Repeat, Jax to Coeus, I need assistance."

"Coeus to Jax, we hear you." Activating her helmet cam to show the bridge what she was seeing, Caleb fired one more time. He had hit the smaller soldier directly in the chest plate, sending them back with a scream. The taller one of the two, the one that had come after Kova, hadn't been deterred by this. Instead, he sped up. Kova's shield had blocked the soldier from attacking her head-on, but it took away protection from Caleb. As the tall soldier landed in a crouch, he grabbed Caleb's leg and pulled. With almost no effort, Caleb had been thrown to the other side of the cliff. Kova honestly didn't want to stab someone today, but if she had to. The sword in her hand glinted dangerously, much to the soldier's dismay. With bold, almost clean strokes, Kova lowered her shield, grabbed the handle of the bayard, and swung at the soldier. He jumped away, thinking he had jumped away just in time, evading Kova's erratic swings. He took one last jump backward before getting his head knocked on by a rock in Caleb's hand. Turning around, Caleb and Kova were back to back as the smaller soldier ran around them in circles, pushing them further from the edge. 

"Locate the Galra ship." Kova was panting. 

"Liz."

"On it." Liz had busily been typing away codes for each of the cameras on the outside of the Coeus. There was nothing but deep, dark, and lonely space around them. "I don't see anything, Colonel."

"Keep trying." Shiro had summoned the other teens and Kenny into the bridge when Kova's plea came through. "Hang in there. Remember your summer training sessions."

"This isn't desert sand being thrown in our faces, Dad," Caleb muttered. "It's space rock dust that refuses to fall completely." 

"Oh, hello there," Kova said, her bayard morphing again. It changed into a sharpshooter rifle, similar to the one Uncle Lance had taught her to use a few years back. Aiming, Kova found the body of the smaller soldier and fired. The soldier fell to the ground as Kova's bayard returned to its original form. "On the count of three, jump out. Ready?" Caleb nodded his head behind her and steeled himself. 

"One?"

"Two."

"Three!" The pair shouted at the same time, jumping out of the dust cloud. Kova was apprehensive, searching around the hole for anyone else. She had noticed the soldiers were gone, but it didn't put her at ease. 

"Gah!" Caleb's voice. Directly behind her. Turning around, Kova could only glare. 

Caleb was held in a chokehold with his hands pressed into his back by someone else. The man had dark brown eyes and dark hair that bordered on black. The man's pale arms were exposed in a sleeveless gray vest and tight dark gray pants tucked into calf-length boots. As he turned up to stare the girl, he made sure Kova saw the sharp fangs in the man's exposed smile. Switching hands on her bayard, Kova held it up as it morphed again. It elongated vertically to form a longbow. Pulling the string back, an arrow made of purple quintessence had formed. 

The teens onboard the Coeus were on the edges of their seats, hoping the audio wasn't as bad in quality as the video. Neither Shiro nor Kenny could make out the face of the strange man holding Caleb captive. 

"What do you want?" Kova growled, glaring at the man with intensity. Liz glanced at Shiro before looking back. Kova knew this guy?

"Oh, come on now," The man said much too casually for Kova's taste. "I'm just seeing what I was replaced with. No need to throw a fuss."

"Let. Him. Go. I won't ask again."

"I'm sure." The man's smile never wavered, even when the quintessence arrow created a dent in the wall just behind his head. Kova pulled back the string, another arrow forming. 

"That was your only warning." 

"You're no fun, Ky." The man grabbed both of Caleb's cheeks and turned this face towards his own. "Tell me the truth, is she always like this?" Caleb didn't respond. With an exasperated sigh, the man turned to meet Kova's glare. "I have every intention of letting him go."

"Then do it."

"I will." The man shifted on his foot. "As soon as you answer a burning question of mine."

"No."

"Then say goodbye to your so-called brother."

"You wouldn't dare." Kova aimed at the man's head. Caleb knew Kova's aim was good, but that was on Earth. How good would quintessence arrows hit him in zero gravity? The man froze behind Caleb, studying Kova's movements. 

"How about a proposition?"

"No."

"Oh, come on, Ky. You'll like it."

"Stop calling me that."

"You can ask me your question first if you'd like." The man's toothy grin returned, watching Kova try not to have a brain aneurysm. She stood unwavering for a few minutes, thinking carefully. "She always did this," the man whispered to the teen in his clutches. "Think so hard, her brain explodes from the pressure."

"If you are who I think you are," Kova started her question and the man perked up. "Are you the leader of the Fire?" 

"Aww, I knew your question would be carefully worded like that." The man, who had been resting his head on Caleb's shoulder stood to his full height, showing off two long scars on his cheeks. "I am who you think I am, and I am Emperor Yorak of the Fire." 

On the Coeus, Shiro slammed his fist onto the face of the console at the helm, making everyone jump. Kenny was startled, but he couldn't tear his eyes from the screen. Soon enough, every teens' eyes returned to the screen. To Kova's encounter. 

Kova was shaking her head, wrinkling her nose. Yorak, as they had come to find out, was tilting his head to the side, almost as though he was trying to figure out what Kova was doing. Caleb tried shaking himself free from Yorak's grasp, but it was instead tightened. 

"Little Ky doesn't know what to do now that her greatest fear was confirmed," Yorak said mockingly. 

"Stop calling me that!" Kova all but shouted. "What's your question?"

"Finally." Yorak overdramatically sighed and rolled his eyes. "My question is simple, Kyla." Kova sneered, almost near tempted to fire again. 

"Kova, don't," Caleb whispered, hoping he could hear her. 

"Yes, Kyla, listen to your so-called brother." Kova stayed silent, trying to press down her anger. "Tell me, Kyla. Have you forgiven our dear old parents and me for leaving you behind and alone?"

Kova thought she was prepared for the question. She thought she could handle it, but knowing Kenny was onboard and listening made it harder. 

Pulling back the string harder and letting it go, the arrow flew towards Yorak's stupid smiling face as he let go and pushed Caleb forward. Beaming himself up, he wasn't around to see Kova's internal and soon physical struggle as she collapsed onto her knees. 

Yorak had arrived in his private chambers as the Captain looked on. The quintessence arrow hit its mark, leaving a small slice on Yorak's right cheek. 

"My Lord!" The Captain had been watching the entire exchange. "I'll have soldiers deployed immediately! The girl should have answered your question!"

"There's no need, Seklok," Yorak said, wiping the blood from his cheek. "This was answer enough." 

"But my Lord—"

"Are you questioning me?" Yorak had turned to look down on the Captain, who had bowed his head. 

"No, milord." They stood there for a few seconds. Seklok, or Captain Scars-a-lot, whichever you prefer, was afraid the Emperor would punish him for disobeying orders. 

"Leave me be."

"Yes sir." Quicker than space mice afraid of the light, Yorak was alone. At least he had the satisfaction of breaking her down. 

The Lions had returned to the Coeus, and all Kova wanted to do was sleep. She was walking with a limp because unbeknownst to her, Caleb hadn't properly set up his weapon. The pushback had fallen entirely on Kova's knee, which the initial adrenaline had numbed. 

"Kova, Caleb." Shiro's stern voice came from down the hallway. "In my quarters. Now." 

Following Shiro, the door closed behind them. The room they had walked into was a room the teens had just passed by since it was in the way of the bedroom. Set up like his office back home, Shiro stood behind the console that stood in for his desk and laid his hands on it. Staring at the teens, he was trying to find a point to start his tirade. 

Outside the closed doors, the other teens had their ears pressed into the crack, hoping to pick up on some sort of conversation. Allie thought it was strange, but she joined right in. Kenny hadn't moved from the chair in the bridge, staring ahead blankly and no one wanted to bother him while he was lost in thought. 

"Where do I even begin?" Shiro began. There were no chairs, so the teens were forced to stand. Kova had her head bowed while Caleb was staring at a spot in the wall. "You can't just decide that you can pick and leave without informing me first. I had to find out from Ken. What would've happened if I hadn't responded to your call in time?" 

"Dad, can we—" Caleb tried to say.

"I don't ask for much. Just to be informed is enough, but then this bombshell happens." Shiro turned to Kova's bowed head. "How are you going to explain this one away? It's one thing to disobey my orders, but it's another if you don't deny what he said."

Kova mumbled something under her breath, leaving Caleb wide-eyed. Turning her head up a little, Shiro could see Kova's eyes were closed. 

"What was that?" Shiro fed into the anger she was trying to control. 

"Open the classified trio," Kova said, opening her eyes. Caleb could swear that you could've heard a pin drop if there was one. 

"No." Shiro's voice was a warning. 

"I told you before, this team won't fight against an enemy they know nothing about."

"Why do you need the files opened? What's your evidence?"

"What more evidence do you need?" Kova scoffed. "Keith is alive after all these years, Yorak is Emperor of the Fire, and this marks our third Fire attack." Kova's voice grew louder with every word, with more power than the last. 

"Those files are classified for a reason!" 

"And the team should've been informed from the start!" 

"Opening the trio will expose too many loose threads."

"And opening only one will lead to forcibly opening the others!"

"Kova, I'm not opening any of the case files."

"He called me out by birth name. Did you let me stare at his picture for fun?" 

"Kova."

"Opening the trio will do us more good than harm. We'll know what we're looking for."

"You were allowed to look at the files because you're my kids."

"Oh, so not because I'm part of the problem?"

"You aren't part of the problem."

"Then authorize. The opening. Of the files." Even limping, Kova didn't lose her attitude. Shiro didn't appreciate it as much. 

"I'm your dad. This is for your safety, Kova."

"It's a good thing I'm not even your kid then!" Caleb clapped a hand over his mouth watching as hurt filled Shiro's eyes. Kova had looked away from his eyes, knowing she'd break otherwise. She was breathing hard. The teens outside had looks of shock on their faces. No one said a word for a good minute. The constant hum of the ship filled the void, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to drown out the voices of the past. 

"Kova," Shiro began. 

"Open the case files," Kova muttered, refusing to meet Shiro's eyes. "Cake needs to know what happened to his dad." She looked up to meet Shiro's eyes, fighting back tears. "Kenny needs to know what his brother got into." At the mention of Kenny, Shiro shook himself out of his stupor. 

"I am not authorizing the release of the trio."

"Give the team the full authorization," Kova's threat began. Her fists were balled at her sides. "Or officially expel me from the Garrison." 

Outside the doors, Cake and Liz audibly gasped under their breath. Allie was shocked too but confused at the reactions of the others. Liz, who had been listening from above Cake's head, pushed herself away from the door. Cake met her eyes and nodded her understanding. An unspoken agreement between the engineers. With a deep breath, Liz calmed her thoughts and returned her ear to the door. 

"One way or the other, I'm telling them." Kova hadn't moved. Neither had Caleb, who was frozen in place at Kova's ultimatum. Shiro's eyes widened briefly before he sighed and broke his gaze from Kova. 

"To your rooms. We'll reconvene in the morning." Shiro watched as the teens walked towards the door and left. 

Liz, Cake, and Allie had ducked to either side of the doorframe, hoping the Colonel wouldn't see them. Kova and Caleb marched past them without a word, nor any sort of acknowledgment they were there. Kova looked angrier than any of them had ever seen her. In a rash attempt for some sort of information, Liz grabbed Caleb's arm before the pair entered their respective rooms. Caleb's baby blues met Liz's brown ones and she visibly became more flustered. 

"I'm sorry, Cap, I just, uh," Liz looked on in a wide-eyed stare. A shake of her head and the words came more smoothly. "We had a few questions." Caleb sighed, leaning on the doorframe outside his room. Kova had already gone inside. 

"Is her threat real?" Cake asked, and Caleb's shoulders sagged. He nodded, resting his head on the wall. 

"Will those files help us defeat the Fire?" Liz asked. Caleb nodded again. Allie knew it was her turn, but she couldn't think of a good question. Not when Caleb looked exhausted. 

"Will the opening of the files delay our arrival at the space mall?" She asked. Caleb could only stare at her, lifting his head. He smiled and let a small laugh escape. He shook his head. Pushing himself off the wall, he waved at the other teens and walked into his room. Allie, Cake, and Liz stood in the hallway. When they left, Allie insisted on taking the first shift. Between her and Liz, they should be able to care for Keith until he wakes up from this coma, taking a few hour shifts. 

If he ever wakes up.

#voltron: next generation #kovalia shirogane #caleb shirogane #liz griffin #allie smythe #cake garrett #kenny holt #kenny kogane #takashi shirogane #igf coeus #keith kogane #will keith wake up #black lion #red lion #green lion #yellow lion #blue lion #voltron #whats kova hiding

[rose-wine-selfships]

♡People I’d Like To Get To Know Better♡

I’ve been tagged by the wonderful @silentlyfangirlingselfshipper! Ask and ye shall receive my dear since you want to know me better! ☺️👍

Favorite Colors: My absolute favorite color will always be pink. However, I’m also partial to blue and green depending on my mood too!

Last song I listened to: I Beg You by Aimer from the Fate Stay movie, Heavens Feel part 2: The Lost Butterfly.

If you haven’t already got into the anime series of Fate Stay Night, I HIGHLY recommend you do so since it’s a killer anime at the top of my list! This song is very deep, dark, edgy, and creepy as freaking hell, and it perfectly describes how one of my favorite characters descended into madness for a VERY good reason. Look up the series and listen to Aimers songs because each and every one of them is a masterpiece in my opinion! 👍💕

Favorite Musicians: Green Day, Pink Floyd, Kung Fu Generation, Cool Joke, U2, Ed Sheeran, Aimer, BTS (Believe it or not I really like their music).

My guilty pleasure for genres is mainly music from the 80s all the way to the late 90s and 00s.

Last Film I Watched: Judgement at Nuremberg by MGM Studios (1961).

It’s a really deep film about how the German people from the tragedies and ugliness from WWII testify to the convictions and apathy they gave when Hitler was in power. If you truly want to know how dictators think and act, just look inside our own justice system. You’ll be shocked by how almost the exact same thing from 73 years ago is happening right now here in the US. If you are a history buff, please check this movie out!

Last TV Show I Watched: Evolution of Evil. The current episode I watched featured Kim Jong Il and how sick and twisted his mind was long before he came to power in North Korea. My Dad wanted time to watch with him so I didn’t mind, lol. Another good watch if you want to know about historical figures that made great infamy in the past.

Favorite TV Show: Ouran High School Host Club (OHSHC, 2006). It’s a classic millennial anime of mine, but I love it so damn much! The characters are fun, sweet, and so memorable to think about! Plus it’s a funny spin take in the classic harem/romance genre of anime shows. And on top of that, one of the most BADASS female protagonists ever, Haruhi Fujioka. Wanna see all of that? Watch online or on Netflix! ❤️

Favorite OC?: Besides Atsushi Nakajima, I really like England from Hetalia. They are both complex, interesting characters that aren’t exactly easy to figure out. They have deep and introspective ways of thinking, and their brooding is what draws me in. Besides their dark pasts, they still want to have a better life away from it by being better people. Even if they both weren’t my f/os, I would have still loved them just as much because I relate to them a lot personally. That’s why they’re my favorite characters from these fictional universes.

Sweet, Savory or Spicy?: I love sweet foods! Give me an ice cream, edible cookie dough, or chocolates anytime and I’ll take them all gleefully! But on the flip side, I really love spicy foods also. However, I can’t have too much spice since it gives me a really bad case of heartburn afterwards. Other than that, I love both sides of sweet and spicy equally!

Sparkling water, Coffee, or Tea?

I absolutely love tea! However, I love coffee just as much too! It really depends on my mood and how energetic I’m feeling. If I’m super energetic, I just drink tea to calm me down, especially if it’s Boba Tea. But if I’m low on energy, a hot cup of black joe will make me feel all right soon! So a little bit of both is usually what hits the spot.

Pets?: I don’t have any right now. I used to have two kitty cats that were the most wonderful family members I ever had. One passed away a couple years ago, while the other passed away about four months ago. Both passed away from an incurable liver cancer that took their lives so swiftly. It is still very, very difficult to think about them too long without grieving hard.

However, I still try to think about them and smile, and look back on all the memories I used to have with them. To me, my cats aren’t my pets. They are my brother and sister and I’ll miss them for as long as I live. It won’t mean that I won’t get another cat or two, and I’ll make sure to honor them in my memories too! They will always be in my heart. 🐈🐾💕

Tags: I’ll tag @nougatships, @nohr-and-thirst, @bungoustraygays, @enma-reblogs, @queenshroorn, @rjatizay, @bungoustraydogsimagines, @bungou-positivity, @chuuyaaf, @dazaaaai, @faenova, @frecklydork, @friskywiggles, @hippyakat, @inoselfshiplove, @ky-jane, @lovestruck-idiot, @lovelysheepy, @mmicemy, @nadineselfships, @queerselfshipper, @quesselfships, @truedespair, @tins-of-oysters, @xxnight0skyxx, @xemonerdx, @yourfavelovesyouunconditionally, @yourfaveadoresyou, and @zero-arcana to participate in this game if you all want to! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

#self insert game #ask game #getting to know each other #getting to know me #getting to know you #getting to know my followers #getting to know people

[alloveroliver]

Kyle ✶ MC |Alice| "As A Reminder.”

Smut: Vampire!Kyle Ash

★ Vampire AU | Ko-Fi Event ★

Prompt: "I want to hear you beg for it. " Kink: Angry sex, Spanking, and Marking WC: 1,140 Ikemen Revolution Fanfic ◢▆▆▅▅▄▄▄▃▃-▃▃▄▄▄▅▅▇▇◣ Only the lamp on the nightstand illuminated the small bedroom as Alice and Kyle entered. Their stomachs were full of delicious food from the dining hall, and she was satisfied with her accomplishments for the day. Kyle kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his coat the moment they stepped foot in the door. Alice took off her flats and began smoothing her hair into a ponytail before her waist was caught suddenly. She dropped her long hair as she was spun around to see her boyfriend's golden eyes lock onto hers. "You know, dinner wasn't enough for me." He licked his lips cheekily and nuzzled her neck. "Oh!" She placed her hands on his shoulders but didn't push him away. His breathing slowed down as he hid in her neck. "You know who else dinner wasn't enough for?" Kyle whispered into her hair. "Um," Alice looked around the room, wondering if she should try to answer. "Who?" "Jonah," Kyle stated flatly. She'd let the Queen get close to her over the time she lived at the red army headquarters. But, his vampire nature seemed to cloud his judgment, making any meeting they had have other connotations. "Do you know why Lancelot has a no feeding order for him?" Kyle's voice dropped while his lips met her neck over and over. Alice's stomach flopped, and she gulped thinking of all the not-so-innocent brushes of skin Jonah gave her tonight. He always sat so close to her and managed to ever touch her lightly in one way or another, unconcerned for her current relationship status. "No, why?" "Because he can't control himself." Her boyfriend's voice was full of concern. Kyle moved back to look Alice in the eye to make sure she fully understood. "He likes to drink directly from your main artery," He pushed her hair off her shoulder. "And drink and drink… Until there's nothing left but a shell of a person. Do you want that to happen to you? 'Cuz I sure as hell don't." His brows scrunched with worry as he cupped his girlfriend's cheek. "No, I don't. Sorry, I didn't know it was looking like that. I only like Jonah as a friend." She stated, pushing her forehead firmly into Kyle's. "I know, but he's a predator. That's what we do when we're hungry. We manipulate people into getting close to us and BAM-" Kyle sucked the skin of her neck playfully, nibbling the flesh. Alice giggled at the ticklish sensation and tugged on his shirt. "We bite. But, in Jonah's case, he can't stop… He's never been able to. That's why he's only allowed synthetic plasmas." He murmured into her skin, leaving a circular red mark in his wake.

"Hm," She looked away as he held her tight in his arm. "I will be more careful from now on." "I think this deserves punishment, so you will always remember to be careful." He curled his lips up. Despite how playful the bite was, his fangs already poked out of his upper lip in anticipation. Ignoring his animalistic needs, he carried her to the bed and took a seat. He pulled her torso to him, yet had her lay her stomach over his knees. Kyle pushed her dress up and over her backside as she lay across his lap, and Alice balanced herself over his lap screwing her eyes shut. "Why are you so tense?" He laughed, smoothing his hand over the roundness of her ass. "You," She grumbled at his teasing. "You just said I needed to prepare for punishment." Her fingers dug into the carpet. "I didn't say what kind of punishment I would be giving." His legs shifted beneath her body. "No… No, you didn't…" Kyle pushed her panties down her thighs with a snap of the elastic band. His finger moved over the unclad slit of her core. "Ah…" She mewled. Kyle's finger left her cunt, and sucking sound piqued her interest. She went to turn her head but soon his hand was back. His saliva drenched finger pushed steadily into her unprepared entrance until he was knuckle deep. "You are so tight when you aren't turned on yet." He spoke wistfully. Alice began to relax her legs while he briskly pumped his finger in and out of her, lubed with his own spit. She narrowly had a chance to enjoy his ministrations before he removed his digit and rubbed the roundness of her backside. He quickly swat the center of her ass listening for her shocked gasp. Kyle ran his hand up her lower back over her dress while a smile grew on his lips. "Is that the kind of punishment you were excited for?" He traced the bumps in her spine. "Uh-" She bit her lip. "Kind of, yeah." Alice hid her face in a curtain of her own hair. The excitement of the moment made her heart kick start. He was quiet for a long moment and smacked her ass again. This time she felt the strength in the hit and sensed the sting sizzle towards her arousal. "Ky-le…" She groaned unintentionally. "I would say 'The next time you let Jonah hit on you like that, remember this.' But, you seem to enjoy this just as much as those cookies he was sharing with you." Kyle tisked. Another spank jolted her body forward. "Oh!" Alice gasped. Kyle's fingers curiously dipped between the folds of her pussy. He ran the pad of his thumb over her clit then went to seek her entrance. "Look at that." He chuckled, more amused than he had been all evening. "You're so wet just from me spanking you." He dipped two fingers inside her pussy easily. "Mmm," She moaned, clenching her walls against his intrusions. "No wonder you like it when I slap your ass when I see you in the hall." He shook his head with a smug smile. Alice's cheeks burned crimson the longer he languidly fingered her. Arousal coated his digits the longer he brushed against the rough patch. Her skin burned hot, and her toes curled at the unadulterated pleasure he bestowed. Slowly, she began to feel empty. She clenched around nothing, pushing her hips back in hopes his fingers would return. Another subtle wet sucking sound came from his lips, and she froze. "Let's take this off you." He tugged at her dress when he was done cleaning her slick desire off his hand. Alice eagerly slipped off his lap to help him remove the dress she was growing warm in. Kyle lavished the look of her pink cheeks, rosy from being in such a compromising position. Kyle tugged off his button-down shirt and pulled her to his lap again, this time facing him. "Tonight's a night you will remember for a long time to come." . . . Thank you, @faeryheart for the Kofi commission! Status of Ko-fi event at the top of my blog!

#ikemen revolution #Kyle ash #vampire!kyle ash #ikemen revolution fan fic #kyle ash smut #ikemen revolution smut #blood thirsty fics

[finderskeepersff]

70. Part 3

Staring at the mirror in my room, even though I put the phone down with Sofia I am just in my own zone thinking. I think too much and I do hate my own mind, I get sucked into it. I am not sure what I am sometimes, am I a good guy or am I trying to be a good guy because of becoming a father, I feel lost a little because I am doing bad. I am giving drugs and guns to people to kill each other while I do good, shit like that gets in my mind and I always like to block it out “fuck” I breathed out, looking down at my phone and tapping on my contacts. Scrolling down to Henry’ name, tapping on his name. Why am I creeping into my own dark hole, what is my problem. I don’t need this right now, I am sure I was dropped as a child because this is dumb “you didn’t even send me a happy new year text” Henry answered the phone “uh, don’t. I just barely got out of being locked up, I am sorry” I should have done that, I am so rude “what? Locked up, what you been doing now? Cassius” the sound of disappointment seeped out in the tone of his voice, he is not happy “yeah” I dragged out “I lost my temper and beat a guy up, then they wouldn’t release me. I jut got out, just in time to celebrate with Sofia, I am sorry but you know you my nigga” Henry chuckled “I do know but I just wanted to know you was ok, I was worried but I didn’t want to call you and annoy you. How was your Christmas? How is little Cassius?” I chuckled “he good, I am good. I am happy. Just feel like I am climbing into a dark hole again. I come to Brooklyn and shit seems to be going sideways, I don’t know. I am just not a good guy” sitting on the edge of the bed, I hate that this room because it has so many mirrors “Brooklyn, Cassius” Henry said, he didn’t even need to say more at all “talk to me about your triggers, you know this. I worked close to you” taking in a deep breath.

I hate thinking about that place “my dad” I mumbled “did you see him, you feel some guilt Cassius. Brooklyn holds a lot of emotion for you, first you had lows and you had highs and you don’t know how to handle that. Cassius the things that happened to you is still new, you are still a recovering addict” Henry wouldn’t be happy if he knew what I am doing “I went to my drug warehouse” I blurted out “right, and how did you feel?” I shrugged “nothing but now, I don’t know. It’s just hitting me and I did see my dad. I threatened him, I felt good but now I don’t. I just feel like I am a bad guy, I am doing bad. Am I doing bad?” I asked “Cassius, I can’t tell you what you are doing is good because it’s not is it, but I just need you to be ok, you are not a bad guy Cassius. You have the most humble heart. Your heart is so humble that you feel bad that you have threatened your dad, I know it is. I want you to be careful with yourself Cassius, I want you to love yourself. You’re a sensitive soul and I do care about you. I am so sad you did that, you don’t need to be locked up in there. How did you feel being locked up?” I sighed out “wack, they dragged me in the middle of night. They kept me locked up, I got an hour of outside on my own and when they did it was dark. Fucked me up, they woke me up and took me again to put me somewhere else, I did hit him but I denied it. I ain’t going to lie but it kind of heart my soul sitting there but seeing my son and Sofia, it kind of left me because I wanted to impress Sofia. I am in Brooklyn and I am doing bad, I am, I know I am but I need to live Henry, I do” the phone line is ever so silent “Cassius, you need to love yourself enough to just step back. What do I tell you? When you feel like you slipping?” Henry said “to step back and see my son, see what I have got. Am I a good guy?” I asked him “you are, I wouldn’t call you my son if you ain’t. You need a good Henry hug don’t you? You know where I am, so you come when you need. Cassius, I want you to shine bright, you are never alone. Never let them voices tell you different. Having such hard drugs can fuck with your brain and you are still recovering. You sensitive soul” I chuckled, he be acting like I am a little bitch, he funny but I guess I am.

I do feel better speaking to him, maybe I do feel bad about my dad “took your time” Ethan got up from the seating area in the lobby “I know, let’s go” Kyle also got up “it’s already started right?” I said while I walked ahead of them “yeah, it’s started. We can only wait, I can’t do shit now” walking out of my hotel, I sighed out. I remember when I got shot at on this road, I was with Samuel too “I hired a SUV out for you brother” Ethan patted my shoulder “we being driven” nodding my head, I don’t have nothing on me. No gun or anything, no armour so this would be a great opportunity to be killed and this kind of scares me, I don’t want to die. I want to see my daughter so much, I want to meet her and tell her she is loved “come on then nigga!” Ethan spat opening the door to the SUV, let me snap out of this “you good?” Kyle put his arm around me “kind of, I am good” smiling at him, I will be just fine. I think it’s just I feel so naked with no bodyguards or anyone watching me, no gun. If I get jumped again, I don’t think my body could take it because the last time I did my body was gone. I was in so much pain, climbing into the SUV. I am just nervous, I have to put it down to that.

I ordered food, I don’t want. I have to force myself to eat because I need to act like I want this shit “how was the boys feeling? Laurence and Fabian, they was good? Omar?” Ethan put his fork down “Omar got a little scared but he was fine, Laurence and Fabian are machines. They was excited to just go” sounds about right with them two, I chuckled “cool, update with Kalia?” I asked “with her son in hospital” nodding my head “I got a warehouse they can just park the vans up, if this goes through then we know it will always be a breeze” it just needs to happen first “first of all with the guns I want all of my people strapped. I actually need to see the apartments but I want you to do a recount and give them all weapons again” I forgot about that, I did tell Sofia I would do that but I really can’t be bothered to do it “apartments? Why, what happened?” Ethan asked “some trouble, Sofia got friends living there and they been disrespectful. I can’t have that, Sofia will drive me crazy if I don’t either” Sofia will ask me so I better do it tonight, I have no idea what shit be going down there.

Stuffing my heads in my pockets as I walked up the steps to the apartment complex, I still haven’t heard anything from them fools on what has happened to the shipment, did it happen or did they get caught but anyways I need to get this dealt with. I have no weapons on me, none of us do so I will need to use my fist if I need too. I didn’t really want to come here, I didn’t really want to start kicking people out but I may need too “knock on the door” I said to Ethan as I looked around the apartment complex, seems quiet here. No trouble anyways unless they know I am here which would be funny if they knew I was here and they hiding, blowing out air seeing a few niggas from across this apartment coming out of the place “Cassius?” hearing Mia say, turning around “hey” walking by Ethan and towards Mia “pest control” I said as I walked inside her apartment “Mitch” getting my hand out to him “Cassius, good seeing you. Kyle” Mitch said behind me “I am not here for long, Sofia has told me you are having trouble here. Ethan, close the door” I said to him “what? Mia why did you do that, I could have dealt with it!” Mitch half shouted “Mitch it’s fine, I am here now. I don’t want you involved, who is it?” I asked her “the apartment across from us, they seem to be playing loud music late at night, they ain’t family in there. You said you have families here. It’s just a bunch of niggas in there Cassius. They was outside my place and they got me angry and laughed at me when I said I knew you. I didn’t want Mitch to do anything, they would shoot my man” nodding my head “they would, I will deal with it. I am sorry, I didn’t know.I need to go though, I will deal with it” Mia let out an oh “but it’ nice seeing you Cassius, don’t work too hard” Mia grabbed my arm as I walked off, I laughed “thank you ma’am, I will be good. See y’all soon” am I looking stressed or some shit.

They got their door all open, like anyone can come here “you’re Cassius” some guy said, I just looked at him and entered the apartment. This was for niggas with families. I don’t understand how this happened “Ethan, you ain’t been paying attention” I said, these niggas are out of their mind “holy fucking shit” a guy shot up from the couch “yo, oh shit. You Cassius. We going” Ethan walked from behind me “bro, what the fuck! I let you stay here” so he knows the dude “so you know him? You let him stay here?” Ethan just stared at me “I can’t hear you” I half shouted at Ethan, some dude is stood next to me quiet “you seem like a nice guy” placing my hand on his shoulder “you know apartment twenty two, who been causing shit?” looked me dead in the eyes “I don’t know” I sniggered “you tell me the truth and you stay alive, good deal right?” he nodded his head “good, now speak” he pointed at Ethan’ friend “oh, how convenient. You causing shit for my people? My people? You here causing shit for me, I don’t take lightly to that. Who got a gun in this room?” I know this nigga got one “don’t lie to me, give it Ethan, now!” he swallowed hard and went to Ethan giving him his gun “shoot your friend” I said to Ethan “w-w-what! No! Oh my god, it was one time!” his friend said, Ethan looked at me and I just stared at him “I feel really disrespected right now” glaring at Ethan “so do I” Ethan shot his leg, the niggas here all want to run now “no” I laughed “you stay here” pushing him back “we don’t have trouble here, and if I hear that any shit go off again. Y’all dying, and Ethan tell your friend. I expect my drugs to be sold tonight too, I am watching you all” pushing by Kyle, it’s a petty thing to do but it’s done. Walking out of the apartment, I hope nobody else ends up doing dumb shit to upset folk here. As soon as I left I looked down and Mia is staring at me, I guess she heard that, well it is dealt with. My burner phone started to ring, walking and answering the call “Fabian” finally something “you know it’s good news, I am calling” my smile grew “all of it?” I asked “all of it boss” moving my phone away from my ear “thank god” I mouthed, I am one rich motherfucker “good looking out, we will meet up” I want to see the goods.

I am excited, I am very excited. Jumping out of the car, Fabian and Laurence both walking over to me “yes you did, my niggas!!!” dapping them “it was a breeze boss, in and out. We thought someone snitched but it was nothing, I am ready for the next intake” I want to see the fucking goods, this shit is big. I know it is big because I had make sure there was five vans to go “boss!” Omar spat as I walked closer to the warehouse “my nigga” dapping him “I was in my zone, got the shit and was gone!” I laughed as we walked inside “y’all checked them all out? All of it is legit yeah?” Omar nodded his head, the street value for this is going to be crazy. Money is nothing to me, I don’t care for it because I have so much of it and now this. I am fucking happy “you fucking did it!” Kyle put his arm around me “I was the brains but y’all did it, I thank you!. We all did it!” I am so happy right now.

Do I think Cassius will appreciate these shorts for the water in Barbados, I am not sure but he best do. I thought I would go shopping and get some things for Barbados, Cartier needs some swim stuff and sun cream. Looking down at Cartier, he is being so good and quiet. I think he likes being out in the stroller, at home he is a brat but he is being so good out shopping. My baby boy, smiling down at him. He waved his hand, his new thing “ain’t you the cutest, but I will take these shorts” Cassius said Josiah was coming but he hasn’t come at all but I just went out anyways, I needed to go out of the house for a while. Pushing the stroller with my one hand while I held the clothing I got for Cartier and Cassius, I may as well do it myself because Cassius is useless, I am not going to lie to myself and say he is helpful because he isn’t, he won’t do this because I know he doesn’t want to go anyways but I wish I had him here to help me with Cartier while I look around. All is not bad though, Cartier is not so much a baby anymore he likes to do things himself so he can hold his own bottle while in the stroller.

Typing my pin into the pad “how old is he?” The lady asked “nine months” she looked at me shocked “and you pregnant again? Girl, that couldn’t be me” I laughed “I thought the same but I love being a mom” she cooed out, taking my card out “he is beautiful” looking over at Cartier “you going to wave at the lady” waving my hand to him and he did it “thank you” I said feeling ever so proud of my son “thank you anyways” taking the bag from the counter “shall we go home now” I said to Cartier, not like he cares or pays attention to me. Pushing the stroller towards the exit, men are feigns. They don’t care if you pregnant at all, this don’t mean shit to them. It doesn’t help that my boobs are like feeling big again, this top doesn’t help so I guess they are looking there. Cassius last night told me to not contact him but he has yet to call, he never text me either which has annoyed me.

“I think Josiah is here” seeing some guy at my front gate, it has to be him because of the suitcases there, seeing him waving and it is him. Opening the gate with the remote and turning into my home, I stopped as I put the window down “why didn’t you say!?” I spat “I know, I have been waiting here for two hours” I sighed out “you should have said, come up” I drove off and up the drive, I can’t believe he has been here that long. Poor boy, stopping at the side of Cassius Bentley. I love driving myself around but when Cassius drives, it just makes my pussy flutter, he is such a man. Turning the car engine off as I undid my belt, opening my car door “Josiah, what the hell, why didn’t you say? Seriously? Let me take your case” he shook his head “It’s ok, I am here now though” nodding my head “I can see that but late?” he is late “I came here on greyhound, I had to beg my mom for money” I frowned at him “why didn’t you tell Cassius? That is like two days! What?” Josiah nodded his head “but I am here!” he beamed but I am like that is two whole days “I guess, but Josiah, you need to ask us, what did your mom say? What did you exactly say to your mom” opening the door to the back seat “that I needed to pay Jasmine bills, I didn’t tell her this” least he didn’t say “ok, well I do have the keys. I need to get them but come in, we can go and see the house later” let me get Cartier out of his car seat.

Where was Josiah when I needed him, I can actually do things because Cartier is entertained by him. Hearing my phone starting to ring out, it’s actually facetime. Drying off my hands and looking over at my phone, it’s Cassius finally. Answering the facetime “one minute!” I shouted, let me take the gas fire off, I don’t want to burn my food, placing the towel on the counter top. I look a mess, I need a shower and he is facetiming and I have no make up on, I look ugly “what you doing? Are you in the kitchen?” he asked “I wish you booked in time for this” I said, I don’t want him to see me at all “why would I do that?” I don’t want him to see me “because I said” I mumbled “you gone bald?” my smile grew “well has it?” I giggled “no” I said smiling wide “then let me see you, I miss your pretty face. I seen you without no make up. You are the most beautiful when you have no make up on, your face be glowing. You still beautiful” he is being so cute “fine” I can’t stop smiling, grabbing my phone “I took my make up off” Cassius eyes widened “wow, you ugly” I snorted laughing moving the phone away from my face “right, I am done. You not seeing me now” he ain’t shit “bub, please. I am playing. I love you so much, I have missed your face so much. Sorry that I didn’t get to speak to you, I didn’t manage to contact you” bringing the phone up to my face “it’s ok, how are you? You’re happy so it’s good?” Cassius nodded his head “it was good, I am happy. But how are you, where is Cartier?” he wants to know his boy more than me “mhmm he is around. I will go to him. He is with Josiah actually” walking out of the kitchen “they are in the second living room, I feel like you didn’t facetime to see me, it’s ok though” I am offended, high key I am very offended “it ain’t that, don’t say that” so he says anyways, walking into the living room “you are just like him, let Cartier does what he pleases. Who gave you the car keys huh?” Cartier is stood up, one hand holding onto the couch and the other holding my car key. Walking around the couch “your dad is on facetime, he don’t want to see my face” clearly not “why you say that!? Sofia!” he shouted, sitting on the couch. Facing the phone to Cartier “dada boy! Cartier, look at you son. You got your car key in hand, you want it you can have it” Cartier turned his head, watching his eyes widen “yes son, it’s dad. I miss you so much” Cartier yelped out “oh my god, I know. I miss you too” the excitement hit Cartier so much I just watched him fall back in slow motion “oohhh” Josiah said but luckily it’s carpet, he will be fine. Placing the phone on the couch as I leaned down to pick him up, placing him on my lap. Turning my phone to us “my family! How you gon say I don’t want to see you, look at you. Any nigga would want you, but you mine. Like seeing you both together, I miss you both so much” rolling my eyes “here you hold the phone” I let Cartier hold it “wow, you going to stop playing” I will let Cartier disconnect him.

While Cartier is entertained with Josiah and ready in night clothes, I will have a shower “Josiah, can you just take care of him while I have a shower. When I come down, I will take you to the house ok?” Josiah nodded his head “that is cool, you can do that. It’s no trouble, we can do it tomorrow if you want?” taking in a deep breath “erm, I will see if I feel like but if he does play up, his bottle is ready just needed to be warmed up and put him to sleep but I think he will be fine. He is hyper and watching this garbage” I pointed at the TV “he good, I like spending time with nephew” looking at Cartier, he is ok “won’t be long” I walked off, I can really just take my time in the bath and then have a shower but he don’t need to know that. I am not annoyed with Cassius wanting to see Cartier but at times, I just want him to you know, want me. Maybe I am being selfish, I don’t know but I am not angry just annoyed a little.

“Did you lose any fluid?” Helen asked “no, nothing. It’s like nothing happened but I can feel the pain on my side, I think it’s a bruise. I saved myself and fell on my side, look I don’t know. It just happened and I feel no pain. No fluid or anything” I am so stupid “ok, Sofia. I want you to pay close attention to yourself and your baby, anything changes, any pain then please come in. You are ok right?” Helen is so concerned, bless her heart “I am ok, just sore. The baby feels fine, no changes. Just I am in pain” I sighed out “ok, call me if anything changes” nodding my head “I will, bye” disconnecting the call, I am so stupid. I just slipped in the shower but I fell on my side, like I tried to not fall onto my back or my stomach but now my side is so sore, I know my baby is fine. Placing my phone at the side of me, holding my stomach as I got up from the bed. Walking back into the bathroom, it happened so fast. Taking my towel away from my body, staring at the long mirror, moving a little to the side. Bringing my hand to my left side, touching the rich red colour my skin has turned into, I winced a little. This is going to be such a bad bruise, how fucking stupid could I be. I was having a nice bath and then had a quick shower but I just slipped, it happened so quick. A little sob left from my lips, it’s so painful.

Calling Josiah’ phone, I am going to bed and not moving. I can’t deal with picking Cartier right now “hello?” he answered “it’s late, I know. Cartier is asleep right?” he must be now “he is, he got all cranky. So he is asleep” I knew that “yeah, Josiah. Can you put him in his crib and put the monitor on, I can’t really bring myself to come downstairs. I am in pain” Josiah let out an oh “why?” should I tell him or not “I fell in the shower but I am ok, don’t worry about it. I just hurt my side. Just please put the monitor on” if he doesn’t I won’t hear him cry “Sofia, do you need to see a doctor? Are you ok?” he is so concerned “no, it’s fine. I am just going to go and sleep it off” I don’t need the fussing at all, I will be ok “ok, I will put him to bed” I am in so much pain “thanks” disconnecting the call, I know this is going to be an ugly ass bruise. I am kind of scared for my baby, but I feel I am ok with her. She is fine, I don’t feel nothing wrong but I am just in pain with the soreness of falling on my side. Placing my phone on the side, pulling the bed covers back. I wish I could take some pain killers but I just hope it goes. Crawling into bed “god” I groaned out as I laid on my back slowly “oh fuck” I am so happy to be in bed, pulling up the tee over my stomach. Placing my hand over my stomach “your mommy is so stupid” lightly rubbing my stomach “I am sorry, I should have been careful” feeling a light flutter and my smile grew, she probably thinking leave me the hell alone after that shit.

To feel my daughter moving, I am happy. I just don’t want to move for a while “Sofia” hearing light knocks “can I come in?” Josiah said, rolling my eyes “wait!” I spat, reaching down and grabbing the covers and pulled them over my body “come in!” I spat, I don’t want the fussing, it’s just me hurting myself. The door opened a little “I put the monitor on, I am concerned about you Sofia. Cassius will kill me, please let me take you, please” he walked over to the bed “I am ok” I said, Josiah got closer to the bed “you don’t look well, you look not well” I smiled “I am in pain and I have been crying, it’s fine. The only thing you can do for me, is help me with Cartier” he nodded his head “I will be here for you, if anything. I can’t stress this enough, really can’t. What happened?” he asked “I had a bath, and then went to the shower to wash off and then I must of dropped some of the conditioner on the floor of the shower, I stepped in it and that was it. I fell on my side though, like mostly on my ass. Like my life flashed before my eyes. Then I was scared getting up, you know. It’s ok, you can go to sleep” Josiah sighed out “ok, I will be here. Please don’t suffer alone” he walked backwards “do not tell Cassius, just let him do what he needs” I think I will break down crying if I did say it to him.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[kylorengarbagedump]

No Accounting for Taste (NSFW)

Read on AO3.

Summary: Where the eyes should be, there is a void bordered by rows of chrome lines, and the mouth is muzzled by a flat, carbon slate. It is as human as it is inhuman, an echo of something familiar, like the look of death on the face of a stranger.

Heart pounding, you speak, your voice creaking inside of your throat. “What the fuck is happening?”

The voice that responds crackles inside the mask, mutated and mechanical. “Something very unfortunate for you.”

Word Count: 7100 (oops)

Warnings: Literally everything. This is NSFL. Rape, verbal abuse, literal torture, graphic violence, death. This is a Red Room fic.

Characters: Kylo Ren x (Fat!)Reader A/N: Hello, and welcome to the actual Worst Thing I've Ever Written. I went through this for a few reasons--one, just to prove to myself that I could, two, out of spite, and three, to gift this work to my beautiful friend @daddyrenn / @rosalinaballerina. She has listened to and supported me for like, years now, which is crazy, and I realized I never wrote her anything to thank her. So, here ya go, cupcake. I love you so much, and I hope you enjoyed this.

I also hope that whoever else enjoys gross nasty shit like this enjoyed it. It was really cathartic for me to write, so, I'm happy to put it out there for anyone else. Love y'all so much! Thank you for all of your support all these years. <3

laetus_lacrimosa: when’s the show starting?

blueeyeswhited: are you new here? he’s always late

laetus_lacrimosa: it’s been 30 minutes already

xwaifusayorix: yup

laetus_lacrimosa: i’m paying how much for some dickhead who’s always late?

mg3453: hopefully not as much as the rest of us

kyloren has logged in.

kyloren: Five minutes. Bidding at .52 btc begins now.

kyloren: Any other complaints will be addressed by me. In person.

kyloren has logged out.

A droplet of water hits your forehead, and your eyes open. The lights are still on, but you are alone. 

The roof is leaking, and not just over your bed, but in several spots across the room. You’re not particularly surprised--you hadn’t paid a fortune for the hostel, but to wake up to cold rain was still not an expected consequence. Sighing, you sit up, wipe your head, and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Thankfully, your mattress is entombed in plastic.

Your brain spins. You’d wanted to sleep through the storm, but it doesn’t seem like that will be an option. And you’re not sure if you can manage sitting on your bed, alone, for the next however many hours. The last time you’d tried it, your legs ended up with a bunch of knife-slashes from the three-inch blade you keep in your backpack. The rest of your hostelmates have abandoned you, apparently, but there’s no surprise there. A knot in your throat grows thick. You can’t run away from your inferiority.

Planting your face in your hands, you draw in a deep breath, hoping the air will quell the burgeoning volcano in your chest. They left because you had said you wanted to sleep. That doesn’t mean you’re inherently uninvited from wherever they went. In fact, you could get up and meet them right now, if you wanted. And want you do.

You stand, shaking the jitters out of your fingers, and step through the sleeping quarters to the living area. Under the heavy rhythm of rain, you hear music, like a stereo blasting from inside a wave--and in its direction, flashing, rainbow lights. A party. A grin tugs at the corners of your lips. That didn’t sound like such a bad way to pass the time. Better than sitting in your room, alone. You snatch a hoodie from your bag and slip on your flip flops before darting through the storm, skipping over stone and sloshing in the tiny puddles already pooling in the grass. And after a few hops, you see it, beyond the curtains of rain: a tent, a safehouse by the shore.

By the time you reach it, your grin is erupting into a full smile, laughter eking out of you as you pull the hood off your head. You can’t remember the last time you’d run through the rain. And as the lights splash onto your face, you realize that you can’t remember the last time you’d danced, either. The music is spirited and electric, a classic reggaeton beat under lyrics in a language you don’t understand. Before you know it, you’re sliding further into the tent, looking for familiar faces, your hips rolling to the beat 

You spot a younger woman you’d shared a few light-hearted conversations with this afternoon--she looks totally trashed, but she’s definitely having a good time. Hopefully, being drunk allows her to be even more forgiving of your social awkwardness. But before you reach her, a hand on your shoulder halts you, and you yelp into the noise, whirling around to face the intruder.

“Evening,” he says, sounding as if he’d somehow whispered into your ear from feet away. “Thought you wouldn’t make it.”

“Hey, yeah, I did!” You search his face, brow furrowed. It’s a handsome face--hazel eyes, dark hair, full, pink lips--and it’s on top of a tall, muscular frame. But somehow, you don’t remember him. You’re more self-centered than you thought. “I’m so sorry, can you remind me who you are?”

A tight grin crosses his face, and your name rolls off of his tongue in mock-disappointment. “Really? I’m hurt.”

“Aw, no!” Frowning, you latch onto his forearm, trying to placate him. It’s thick and firm in your grip, and a shudder crawls up your spine. “I’m so sorry! I’ve just been… kind of off. Remind me, please!”

Smiling, he tugs you closer, and your cheeks grow hotter. “It’s Kylo.”

You nod. “Ohh, okay! Hi, Kyle!”

“No,” he says, “Ky-lo.”

“What?” Your face twists, and you turn your ear toward him. “Kylo?”

“Yes,” he replies, and his breath brushes your face. “You’ve got it.”

Hiding an idiotic giggle, you inch back. “This is kind of cool, huh?” What you can’t hide is how your gaze travels his body. All he has on are black jeans and a black t-shirt that clings to his thick chest and arms. Fuck, he’s built. “I mean, uh, the party.”

“The what?”

You cup your hands around your mouth, shouting over the music. “The party!”

“It is.”

Kylo stands there, staring, his eyes like voids, absorbing every flash of color in the tent. Under his gaze, your heart throbs, and in the back of your skull, the reptilian bit of your brain catches flame, screaming. But you can’t figure out what it’s telling you. Is it to run? Or to stay?

“Let’s dance,” he says, and barely waits for your nod before he curls one of his large, strong hands around yours and spins your back against his chest. Now you are on fire, your hips rocking with his, your face ready to melt when he leans his lips close to your ear. “Have you ever been to El Salvador before?”

“No!” Heat courses through you when you realize how loud you’ve been. The black-sand beaches of El Salvador weren’t your first choice for a runaway destination. But they happened to fit the three primary criteria: cheap, secluded, and U.S. dollar-friendly. Squeezing his hand, you tilt your head. “I mean, um, no.”

“Really? I come here all the time.”  Kylo tugs you closer. The air seems thicker, now. “It’s beautiful.”

“I think so too.” Your palm is slippery, and you adjust your grip again.

Kylo’s mouth scrapes the shell of your ear. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

Silent, you nod.

He leads you through the rain back to the hostel, through the living area and into the sleep quarters. You wait by the doorway as he saunters over to his bag, his shirt sticking to the rippling muscles in his back. Holding a sigh, you chew your lip. Kylo reaches into his backpack and pulls out a wine bottle--it’s wrapped and corked, brand-new--and urges you over with a nod. Lizard-brain wailing, you oblige.

“Where are you from?” Kylo is peeling the foil from the bottleneck while he speaks.

You glance at your feet. “The States.”

“Mhm.” The foil floats to the floor. “You must think I’m an idiot.”

“What?” Head snapping up, you meet his gaze. It’s empty. “No, no. Not at all. What?”

“I meant where in the States.” His fist is tight around the wine. “Given your accent, though--New Jersey?”

“Philadelphia.” Blush creeps onto your cheeks.

“Really,” he says. “Say w-a-t-e-r.”

Your lips twist into a mock-frown. “Wuder.”

Something twitches on his face. A grin, you think. “Right.” Kylo twists the cork, easing it free. “What does your family think of you traveling alone?”

“Oh.” Your thoughts tangle. For some reason, you want to lie. “They, uh, they’re okay with it.”

“Hm.” A pause, and he locks you in his stare again. “They don’t know, do they?”

“Um…”  A swift twist and tug, and the cork pops out. You flinch. “No,” you admit. “They don’t.”

Kylo shrugs. “No shame in that.” He sits on the bed, beckoning you with a nod. “Sit. Have a drink.”

You gnaw your lip again, looking at your backpack. You consider grabbing your knife, just in case. He’s incredibly fucking hot, and you’d love nothing more than to hop on what you are sure is his massive dick, but something about it seems wrong. But you aren’t sure if what you’re feeling is real discomfort, or your own fucked-up brain working to deny anything good might ever happen to you.

“I don’t know… Something seems weird about a strange drink from a strange man.”

Kylo smirks. “You saw me open it. And besides…” He pauses to take a long swig, the knot in his throat bobbing with each gulp, and then pulls off with a short gasp. You find yourself wanting to swallow, too. “I hope that’s satisfactory.”

Sweat beads at your nape. “Uh…” Shrugging, you shuffle over and sit next to him. He radiates heat. After the rain, that seems particularly inviting. “Sure. Why not.”

You wet your lips and tip the edge of the bottle into your mouth, the lukewarm liquid spilling out. It’s tart and dry with a lingering salty tang, and you wince as you swallow, smacking your tongue against your palate. You pause for a moment, waiting for the inevitable wooziness and unconsciousness to hit--but they don’t. Maybe he isn’t full of shit. Warmth ebbs through you, and you look over at him, holding out the wine.

“Weird taste. What is that?”

His eyes scan your figure. “You didn’t like it.”

“No, no,” you say, shaking your head. “That isn’t it. It’s just weird and salty. I’ve never had anything like that before.”

“Hm.” Kylo blinks, gaze flitting to the bottle, then back to you. He takes it from you and has another drink, imitating you by smacking his tongue. “That’s what it is.” He does it again. “You’re aerating it. Don’t do that.”

You raise a brow. “Really? I’ve never heard of that before.”

“There’s no accounting for taste.”

“Oh, shut up.” You roll your eyes. “You’re fucking with me.”

He presents the bottle. “Try it.”

Pouting, you grab it, taking a long, slow drink, and pull off, fighting the urge to--how did it he put it?--aerate. But you still taste salt. Your brow furrows, and you look at him. The sirens in the back of your head are deafening, now, and you swallow, fingers starting to tremble. You glance at the wine, but the label is in Spanish.

“Um, hey, so… what… what is this? This wine?”

Kylo’s blank gaze meets yours. “Oh. Right. I forgot you asked.”

“Yeah. I did.” Your heart slams against your ribcage.

“It’s gammahydroxybutyrate.”

Shaking your head, you play it over in your head. “Gammahydro--what? What? Kylo--” You reach for him, but you miss. “What the fuck?”

He is flat. “Ecstasy.”

The next thing you remember is hitting the floor.

Darkness is torn from your face, and a matrix of light blinds you, pain leaking from you in gasps as your ears are swallowed by a shrieking whine. Groaning, you shift, attempting to jerk away from the brightness beyond your lids, but your arms stall, your body rocking into the chair. Wait--the chair? You kick, but your legs strain against the bonds around your calves. Wincing, you bow your head, waiting for the ringing in your skull to die before you even try to remember what the hell happened. Then, shade, interrupting the assault on your eyes, cooling your skin for a brief moment. A grunt escapes you; your lids flutter open. 

Light is a halo around shadow, the figure in front of you the shape of a man, if men are shaped how you remember. Your vision is water, the sound dull, like you’ve been plunged into a shallow tub. But as it clears, you make out details. He is tall, broad, muscled, wearing… black. A black tank top, black leather pants, black boots, all melting in the murky slime of your brain. The one detail you can’t discern is his face--because it is obscured by a mask. Where the eyes should be, there is a void bordered by rows of chrome lines, and the mouth is muzzled by a flat, carbon slate. It is as human as it is inhuman, an echo of something familiar, like the look of death on the face of a stranger.

Heart pounding, you speak, your voice creaking inside of your throat. “What the fuck is happening?”

The voice that responds crackles inside the mask, mutated and mechanical. “Something very unfortunate for you.”

“What? What are you talking about?” You want to shout, but every bit of effort you make to speak or move is tripled against the weight of your scrambling consciousness. “Let me go. Please. What the fuck is happening?”

He is silent. Your gaze darts around the room--the floor is dirt, the walls are blank, and there isn’t a single window that you can see. To your right, a large, flat screen displays text… lines of it, you think, discussing something. A chatroom. You see one of the names--kyloren--and your blood turns to ice.

El Salvador. The wine. Ecstasy.

Kylo.

Before you can speak, your gaze catches the lines on the screen moving, talking. And they’re talking about you.

laetus_lacrimosa: i love how fucking scared she looks

blueeyeswhited: it’s awesome. she has no idea what’s about to happen

gawinulim11490: what are the limits?

mg3453: are you serious?

xwaifusayorix: lol

Your stomach lurches, and Kylo moves, the light burning your vision again. You squint while your pupils adjust, and see that he’s walked to a terminal where a camera and laptop are arranged. The acid in your belly roars like a wave, eroding your esophagus and singeing the back of your throat, and your chin quivers, quakes resonating to your toes. Fighting your fear, you overcompensate, instead, and glare at the camera, hocking a thick wad of mucus and spitting it at your captor. It falls short, a glob in the dirt. Kylo doesn’t seem to even notice, but the chatroom has.

blueeyeswhited: she’s an animal

gawinulim11490: like every other female who doesn’t get her way. strip them of their privileges and they resort to this.

xwaifusayorix: lmao are you an incel

kyloren: Bidding begins at .29 btc. Open now for the next 30 seconds.

As he types this, the screen explodes with chatter. From what you can tell, there are five people in this room, watching you. Bidding on something. They spit out different numbers, trying to one-up each other in a value you don’t recognize. .88 btc, 1.46, 2.19. The integers climb and climb.

laetus_lacrimosa: 2.93 to strip her and cut her fucking nipples off.

xwaifusayorix: oh shit 

mg3453: yeah i withdraw, i wanna see that lol

Breath flies out of you, and you choke. “What? What the fuck? What the fuck is this? What the fuck?”

kyloren: Going once. Twice.

No other person speaks.

kyloren: 2.19 btc to watch. Beginning now.

Kylo clicks something, and the chatroom changes. One, two, three of the people who had been in the previous room appear in this one. Kylo appears to adjust the camera pointed at you and turns, pulling a knife from his belt.

You whip your head back and forth, straining at your bonds, toes digging into the dirt, hips twisting to rock the chair. “No, please, stop, what are you doing. Please stop. Kylo, or whatever your name is. Please don’t do this. Please--”

He doesn’t appear to respond, but grabs the back of the chair, stilling it while he slides the knife underneath your shirt. The metal is ice on your skin, and you shiver, whimpering as tears blur your vision. You can’t stop your chin from trembling, your heart from wanting to explode out of your chest. Kylo turns the blade to the ceiling and rips, standing to the side so the camera catches when your belly, chest, and breasts are uncovered. Noise wants to escape you, but it doesn’t--you can only whisper as the tip of the knife shreds the hem of your top.

“Please… please stop…”

If he is moved in any way by your display, his only reaction is to tear the fabric to the side, making sure the entirety of your torso is exposed for the three strangers watching you on camera. Snot slips out of your nose, and you whimper, a chill washing over you. Kylo stares at you--or at least, you think he is. The inability to identify any hint of humanity from his facade makes your blood run faster.

The pause is only brief, however. He grabs the chair again, and slips the tip of his knife underneath your shorts. You want to struggle, but the threat of a blade against your belly paralyzes your limbs. All you do is sob while slices open the front of your shorts, digging the knife into the fabric of your crotch until the mound of your pussy peeks out. You thank your stars that you’re fat enough that your belly sits on top of your thighs, but Kylo sighs.

“I forgot how fucking fat you were.”

Growling, he takes the knife and rips open the hems on your sides, tearing the fabric away so that your front is now completely naked to the camera. After that, he bends forward, working at the bonds at your feet, and for a moment, there is a tease of relief. The ropes--or zipties, or something, you can’t tell--come off, and your heart roars with adrenaline. You pitch forward, attempting to leap up, but the chair only squeaks, and Kylo’s head snaps toward you.

“Fuck you!” With a shriek, you try to drive a heel into his shoulder, but he snatches your ankle in a large, gloved hand, and before you even move your other leg, that one is seized, his strength so overpowering that you wilt in his grip, collapsing against the chair.

You realize that was his goal, now, all along, while he spreads your legs wider, revealing your cunt to the camera. Another sob wells up in your chest, and you wiggle in protest, feeling helpless as he rebinds you to the chair. Under his breath, you hear him laughing.

“There we go,” he murmurs. “It’s so much easier when you behave.”

“Fuck you.” Your breath shudders in your chest. “Please stop.”

Through your tears, you glance over at the chat--and immediately wish you hadn’t.

blueeyeswhited: christ she’s so fucking disgusting--her body is a fucking mess. has anyone ever actually fucked that? lmfao

mg3453: her tits are fucking embarrassing. she’s in her 20s and they’re already sagging to her pussy

gawinulim11490: are you kidding. her tits have looked like that since she was a teenager. her body is just fucked up.

laetus_lacrimosa: females actually do this to themselves

The terror and anguish inside of you boils, and you glance over at Kylo. You see nothing but a silhouette of darkness.

“Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” You’re spitting, now, snot and saliva soaring from your face. “You’re all sick pieces of shit! Fucking sick misogynistic pieces of shit!”

xwaifusayorix: LMFAO

blueeyeswhited: “misogynist” is she a fucking feminist LOL

gawinulim11490: yes she is, but she doesn’t know the first thing about it. she’s a fucking idiot.

You hate that person in particular. They seem to know you. They talk about you like they’re an expert. You glare at the camera.

“Fuck you, whoever you are. I swear to god, when I get out of here, you will fucking pay for this!”

xwaifusayorix: lol

mg3453: well it makes sense that she looks like that now if she’s a feminist

laetus_lacrimosa: cutting off her nipples will be an improvement

Out of the corner of your eye, Kylo moves toward you, and you snarl. “Fuck you. Don’t even come near me.”

“You have no choice in that matter.”

He tosses the knife, catching it by the handle, and grips the chair again. Heart in your throat, you cry out, thrashing against your bindings, muscles tensing and untensing as words and spit fly, unfiltered.

“Please! Please, fuck no! Don’t do this! Don’t fucking do this Kylo please fuck don’t do this! Please!”

Underneath the mask, you hear a low, quiet laugh. Kylo stands behind you, steadies the chair against his body, and grabs one of your tits, pulling the skin of your areola taut. Your breath is rapid, drool streaming out of your mouth as you scream again, begging him to spare you. He brings the knife to your flesh, and you thrash, trying to slam your head back into his hips, hoping to knock him off balance.

Grunting, he crushes your breast in his hand, making you squeak. “Might not be smart to struggle while I have a knife so close to your chest.”

Face crumpling, you release a shuddering whine, tensing as you watch the knife pierce your flesh.

Searing pain streaks through your nerves, echoing in your fingers and toes, and you screech, throwing your head back in broken sobs while cuts through the layers of skin. A warm fluid spills down your abdomen, pooling in the crevices of your thighs and dripping onto the floor. Your teeth pinch your lower lip, lids shut tight as he carves through you, jolts of hot pain hitting you with each millimeter of skin removed. You can’t decide if you want to go to sleep or wake up.

Your breast flops against your stomach as the last bit of your flesh is removed, and you hear him toss it onto the ground. The thought of opening your eyes makes your stomach turn, but you find yourself cracking open a lid.

Blood has painted you in crimson buckets, and the fleeting pace of your heart is only making it pump out faster. Gasping, you feel faint, and close your eyes again, focusing on your breath, hoping to slow your heart rate so you don’t bleed out. Your entire body is pulsating, and you are trembling--you don’t want to go into shock, either.

Kylo clutches your other breast, tweaking your nipple in his fingers. Another laugh rumbles under the mask, and he cuts into your skin once more. The pain is duller, this time, your adrenaline still spiked and your brain focused on keeping calm. Yet you feel like a fish, filleted live on television, strands of hanging skin snipped and ripped from you, and you are bathing in warm fluid pumping from your own heart. Your second breast drops, and you groan, dizzy. It’s a lot of blood, leaving you--you don’t even need to look.

“That’s an issue,” says Kylo. His voice sounds filtered through water.

You hear rustling, and then the flicking of something--a lighter--and your lids pop open. Dread sinks into your bones when you watch him wipe his knife on his pants and hold it over an open flame. Whinging, you shake your head, the tears coming again.

“No, no, no no no…” You heave, swallowing vomit. “Please, no, no, we can do a tourniquet or something, please, no no no…”

“You’d rather bleed out?” His voice is dull, even under the modulator. “Besides,” he says, spinning the knife over the lighter. “We need you awake for every part of this. Otherwise it isn’t any fun.”

Vomit threatens again, but you swallow, shuddering. “Fuck you.”

Kylo releases the lighter and moves forward. Before you can even protest, he presses the flat end of the blade against your wound, and you scream, tears streaming down your cheeks, shivers wracking your body as blinding pain whites your vision. A sob crawls out, and then another, and another, before you are heaving, drooling, and wailing in desperation. You try to breathe, but can’t, gasping and whining for air--and you finally vomit, hurling onto your chest, the rest bubbling out down your chin in an acidic burble.

“Stop. Stop, please,” you wheeze. “Please, just stop.” A rare breath fills your lungs, and you cough. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

The weight of his gaze heavy on your frame as he re-heats the knife over the flame. “Because someone paid someone to pay me.” He steps forward and cauterizes your other wound, and you screech again, agony wracking you as your skin sizzles and pops under the heat. The smell of burnt flesh permeates. You want to vomit again.

Finished, Kylo wipes the knife on his pants again and puts it back into the sheath on his belt. You are quaking with terror and pain, sweat has drenched your lower back and hair, and you are still trying to focus on your breath. Kylo clicks something at his terminal, the rest of the voyeurs are back in the chat.

blueeyeswhited: holy shit she looks fucked up

laetus_lacrimosa: dumb fat bitch lol

mg3453: this is exactly what all these commie cunts deserve

gawinulim11490: don’t compliment her by insinuating she knows anything about being a communist.

xwaifusayorix: lmao shit

Your head is spinning. Is that it? With the bidding done, are you just going to be tossed out like this? Maybe he won’t even let you go.

“Kylo, please…”

Then, he types.

kyloren: Bidding open again. Starting at 2.93 btc. Open now for the next 30 seconds.

mg3453: 2.93 to shut her up. rape her mouth and make her vomit again

blueeyeswhited: nice

gawinulim11490: he’ll rape her?

xwaifusayorix: lmao cuck

laetus_lacrimosa: he’ll do anything--he’s a monster

kyloren: Going once.

gawinulim11490: i’ll double it. 5.86 btc to rape every disgusting hole. choke her. make her lick cum off the floor. remind her how repulsive she is.

Your heart sinks into your gut. Your mouth is dry.

kyloren: Going once. Twice.

kyloren: 5.24 to watch. Beginning now.

The chatroom changes in the same way it had before, only now all five people who had been in the chat before slowly join. After the last person appears, Kylo turns, pulling the knife out from his belt once more. You can only swallow, staring at him with pleading, wet eyes, hoping that if you seem pathetic enough, he’ll let you go, or spare you, somehow, with any hint of kindness.

When he cuts you free of the chair, you kid yourself into thinking, for a moment, that he’s done just that. You swivel to try and look at him, to catch his intention, but find yourself horrified when you turn to see him pulling his cock out of his pants, guiding his hand up and down the hardening shaft.

Heat licks up your spine, and you babble something nonsensical before shaking your head, blinking away the tears.

“Bend over the chair.” His voice is even darker, more commanding, under the mask.

You don’t want to bend over the chair, but you are so weak and tired, the thought of what might happen if you don’t bend over the damn chair is even more terrifying. You try to move, but find yourself slipping on your own blood. Puke hits the back of your throat again, and you gag.

“Bend. Over. The chair.”

“I’m trying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry who?”

You pause, and stare up at him. Static has blanketed half your brain. I’m sorry…

A flash of black leather smacks you hard across the face, and you whimper, too exhausted to even grasp at yourself in shock. “You’re sorry who?” he asks, again.

Clenching your quivering chin, you look at the ground, the dirt spattered with your blood. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Much better,” he says. “Now move.”

“Yes, sir,” you mumble.

You sit up, and the parts of your shirt that hadn’t been shredded stick to your sweat. Your shorts, however, stay on the chair, matted a dark red. When you try to stand, wooziness slams you, and you stumble, grabbing onto the chair as your vision doubles, spinning out like a car wreck. Part of you wants to look at the chat screen--see what they are saying--but the other part turns with tiny steps until you are facing the side of the chair. Wincing, you lay yourself across it, ass in the air, knees off the ground. It’s hard to be still, as the seat is still slick with your blood.

“Let’s see if we can find your pussy in all of this mess.”

Leather gloves grip your ass, and you close your lids, wishing that you wouldn’t shiver as he pushed aside the hills of your flesh to find your cunt between your legs. You thought back to when you’d met him at the club--you would’ve happily had consensual sex with him, then.

“You really thought I wanted to fuck you?” he says, as if he’d read your mind. “Answer me.”

Your cheeks flush with fire. “Um… I, uh, guess I did…”

Thwack--your ass and hips jiggle with tremors of pain. He just fucking spanked you. “You what?”

Choking back, a sob, you say, “Yes, sir. I did.”

He laughs with an inhuman derision. “You’re fucking pathetic. I would never be desperate enough to fuck something like you.”

Kylo’s fingers dig into your hips, and the head of his cock pokes between your thighs--but before he can drive himself inside of you, you glide off the chair and collapse in a pile on the ground, and you retch while your burned tits scrape the dirt. Dust erupts in clouds, and you roll to avoid the pain, particles getting into your mouth, forcing a cough.

“Fuck,” you groan. “Fuck…”

Through your fit, you look up at Kylo, who is still stroking his cock--now fully erect. Your heart drops even further. It’s enormous.

“Get up, bitch.” Behind the mask, you know he’s smiling. “Get back on the chair.”

You push yourself up on buckling elbows, dragging yourself like a corpse back onto the chair. Shaking, you drape yourself across it, and Kylo once more grapples your hips. The warm, throbbing head of his dick slides across your legs, seeking out your cunt, aching to tear it open and make you scream. You bite your lip, grimacing in anticipation--but when he thrusts, you lose grip on the chair again and tumble back onto the ground, rolling onto your back while you stifle a whine.

“Stupid whore.” Kylo kicks you in the stomach with the toe of his boot, and you heave, curling into a ball. “Can’t even stay on a chair.” He sighs, his erection bobbing in need. “But you’re used to being fucked like an animal, aren’t you?”

“What--”

Kylo pounces, clutching a fistful of your hair as he whips you around, shoving your face straight into the dirt. You moan in pain, drool dripping in globs from your face, caking your mouth and cheeks in mud. Gloved hands pull your legs apart, and then a hard, thick cock is pushing at the folds of your dry cunt. Grunting, Kylo cranks your head back, his voice low in your ear.

“Not wet for me yet?” A smothered laugh. “That’ll change soon.”

Gasping for breath, you almost beg for him to stop--but then he rams into you, ripping through your walls, and you screech, bucking against him, arms flailing. He lays his entire weight on top of you, like a boulder pressing you to the ground, and curls his fingers in your hair before thrusting again. A throttled shout escapes you, and Kylo’s other hand wraps around your throat, strangling any other noise. All you can do is slobber as tears trickle along your jaw.

“Mm, fuck,” he hums into your ear. “I feel you getting wet. You like this, don’t you?”

A long, agonizing pull out, and then another excruciating drive in. Shame seeps out of your pores as you realize--he’s right. The base of his dick pulses when he seats himself inside of your pussy, and your body reacts, walls instinctively squeezing. He laughs, tugging you somehow closer, the cold muzzle of his mask settling in the crook of your neck.

“That’s right,” he says. “You feel like a whore.” He drags out, and slams back in. “You look like a fucking pig.”

Kylo finds his rhythm, punishing you with his dick as he growls into your ear, hand just tight enough around your throat to keep you conscious while you fight for lucidity through the pain. Your pussy is wet, now, a humiliating and automatic reaction to the painful fucking he’s forcing upon you. It’s only then that you can actually process it--he’s raping you. This is all actually happening. The realization is almost anesthetizing--you can’t feel your face anymore, anyway, you think it’s been numbed with tears--and any sound you make escapes as guttural, animalistic sobs.

“That’s right, little pig,” he says. “Squeal for me.”  Kylo releases your neck to smack the side of your face, and the sharp pain provokes something inside of you--you squeal, like a rutting, dirty farm animal, and when he returns to choke you, you squeal again, in shame. He snickers. “Good pig…”

The constant raking across the dirt has rubbed your body and pained nipples raw, making every movement above you torturous. Kylo pumps deep into your cunt, piercing your cervix over and over and over, his breath leaving in dark, mechanical huffs. You want him to cum so badly, just so this will be over. In angst, you groan, loud and long.

“It feels that good?” he asks. “You love taking cock, don’t you? You’ll take it wherever.”

Kylo pulls out, but before relief hits you, you feel the tip of his slickened cock pass over your asshole. Horrified, you groan again, but in his grip, under his weight--you are weary, helpless. You can only whine and screech in protest as he presses against you.

“You want it so badly. You’re fucking disgusting. But I knew that the second I realized you wanted to fuck me.” He huffs when he pushes the tip of his dick into your ass, and you grunt in pain. “You were so desperate. So lonely.” Another thrust, deeper, more unbearable. “And those cuts on your legs…” A hard, deep thrust this time, and you howl. “Do you think anyone actually wants to give you attention?” He pauses. Smacks you, and gasp. “Do you?”

Voice ragged, you reply, “N-no… No, sir…”

Kylo tugs you back and slams his hips against your ass, and you wail in agony as he splits it open. It feels hot and cold and empty and full all at once. You are dizzy with pain and exhaustion, overcome while he pounds you, fucking into you harder than before. His cock is hard and sharp, a nail trying to splinter you like a board.

“Go on, pig,” he growls. “Squeal for me like the filthy little swine you are.”

He slaps your cheek, and like a stupid, trained pig, you squeal--a horrible, wretched sob that scrapes its way out of your throat. Another moan leaves him, and he gives you two hard thrusts before pulling out of your ass, his dick like sandpaper against your sore flesh. You gag, and then yelp as he yanks you to your knees by your scalp. He is quick, smacking the side of your face to part, and then shoving his dirty cock straight into your mouth.

You retch, the taste revolting, but Kylo grips your skull in both his massive hands and fucks down into your throat, your hair his reins. There’s a visible urge to let his head fall back and cum, but he fights it, locking with your stare behind his mask. Water spills over your cheeks again, your eyes rolling as you fight your own urge to pass out. It is almost impossible to breathe with his thick dick constricting your airway, stretching your jaw, making you drool.

“Such a good little squealer… Almost made me cum.” His voice is uneven, now, his thrusting erratic. “This is all you’re good for, isn’t it? And you’re barely good for this.” He slaps you. “Stay awake, cunt.”

Gurgling against his erection, you nod to the best of your ability. Your compliance has you wanting to throw up, too, but there has been too much to fight--knowing it is almost over, you want him to hurry so you can leave and forget him forever. After a lot of therapy, probably.

“Fuck… fuck--”

Kylo’s hips pitch, and he groans, pulling out of your mouth and jerking his cock as it twitches in front of your face, holding your head still. A gasp, a groan, and he climaxes, jets of hot cum splashing your eyes and lips, mixing with spit and tears and dirt. Sighing, he squeezes the last drops of his release from his dick, wiping them on your face and shoving you back into the dirt. 

You hit the ground and shatter, the pent-up fear and adrenaline pouring out in broken, weeping breaths. Part of you wants to cover your face with your hands, but the other part is too disgusted to touch any reminder of his presence.

“Clean it up,” comes Kylo’s voice.

It is an echo in the chamber of your bawling. You can do nothing but wheeze, ache, and cry. There is nothing left in you to do an ounce more.

But Kylo is unsatisfied with this. “Clean it up.” His foot collides with your stomach on the final word, and you screech, crying harder.

You fold into a ball, trying to block him from your private break-down. The crying is uncontrollable, at this point, all you can do is ride the waves of anguish. Then you hear Kylo snarl.

Pain explodes in your skull when he stomps on it, jamming his heel into your temple, and he kicks you again, knocking the air from your lungs. “Clean it up, you filthy bitch.” 

Coughing, you try to nod, acknowledging his order, shivering while you pull yourself up from the floor. Every part of you aches, resonating with pain and the tremors of torment. Glancing at yourself, you are covered in blood, dirt, spit, vomit, and semen. You can’t bring yourself to view the chat screen. What have they been saying this entire time? You suppose it doesn’t matter. 

Swallowing what scraps are left of your pride, you wipe the caked semen off of your face, gathering it in dirty clumps and dragging them onto your tongue. The taste is acrid, bitter and salty and dry and sticky--and you heave trying to finish the first glob. Closing your lids, you persist, steeling your stomach as you clean your face of every last viscous drop of his semen. As you finish, you open your eyes, blurred tears clear, and see the chat. 

blueeyeswhited: holy fucking shit

mg3453: that was fucking incredible

laetus_lacrimosa: i knew she could take a big cock

gawinulim11490: what a fucking whore. she fucking loved it.

xwaifusayorix: like every other female, lol

laetus_lacrimosa: look at her cunt, it’s so fat and wet

blueeyeswhited: what kind of feminist loves being raped? lmao

gawinulim11490: she does. she’s a fucking joke. i told you that she’s not a real feminist. she’s a boring, joyless, leftist cuntbag.

mg3453: goddamn lol. are you sure you’re not an incel?

gawinulim11490: fuck off.

Their words don’t bite, as they did at first. You’re too fucking tired to care. Glancing over, you see that Kylo has already tucked himself away, and is making his way to the terminal. This had to have been the last part. Surely his plan is to sign off and let you go. Surely… 

kyloren: Bidding opens at 5.86 btc. You have 30 seconds.

Adrenaline again. “No.” You try to scramble toward him. “No, no!”

blueeyeswhited: cut her fingers off. 5.86 btc

kyloren: You’ll need more than that.

xwaifusayorix: 7.86 to cut off her toes

laetus_lacrimosa: 9.44 to cut her guts out

xwaifusayorix: oh fuck lol

You slump onto the ground. They’re not going to stop until you’re dead. Heart skipping out of your ribs, you claw to Kylo’s feet, curling your arms around them, scratching the leather like a hopeless cat.

“Kylo, please… please, don’t…”

kyloren: Going once.

“Please, Kylo, sir, please, please, please…”

kyloren: Going twice.

“Kylo… sir, don’t do this…”

gawinulim11490: 15.73 to cut the dumb bitch’s head off. spare the world of another fat leftist idiot.

Breath freezes in your lungs. No one else in the chat says a word.

kyloren: Going once.

kyloren: Twice.

He pauses, you think, for a second longer. You don’t dare speak.

kyloren: 11.79 to watch. Starting now.

The chat switches, and the only one who joins is the person who bid.

You hug Kylo’s legs, trying to hold him, pleading and pleading for him to release you. It is mostly gibberish, nonsense strung together with despair. God, you didn’t want this, you realize now, if you were let go you’d be better, you’d do better, you’d do whatever you needed so that you were never hated this badly again. On some end, you must deserve it, if someone is willing to pay money over and over to see you brought to this.

Beyond your sorrow, you feel Kylo moving, dragging you across the ground while he moves in front of the camera. Without a word, he gnarls his fingers in your hair, wrenching you to your knees, twisting your body so you kneel facing the camera. You are sniveling, and just as silent as him.

It’s not that you think, perhaps, you deserve to die. It’s that you realize that it is inevitable. It is, you hope, the same revelation that hits a cancer patient after a grim diagnosis, or the one that blinks into the mind of a driver during a head-on collision. The same revelation that perhaps only half of the population is lucky enough to have, before they collapse or bleed or pass in their sleep. And here you are, having it now--you are about to die at the hands of this monster. At least you’ll finally be free.

Kylo stands behind you, and you hear a hiss and metal squeak. To your left, a heavy thump. Fingers still tangled in your hair, he snaps your head up, and you see his face again. For a moment, you can’t understand why he’s done this--but you realize the camera must only see you.

His eyes are voids. Yet he looks just as pretty as you remember. You should’ve known that no one this attractive had good intentions for you.

Then the blade of his knife slices into your neck, and you sob--but the blood is hot, spurting in a river, and you feel his fingers tighten in your scalp, and then another tear in your flesh, and you choke on your blood, coughing and sputtering and twitching in pain, and everything is fuzzy, and numb, you can’t feel your fingers, or your body, or even feel your breath, and soon you know you aren’t breathing youaren’t seeingand everythingis blankandemptyandblack.

blueeyeswhited: oh fuck that’s a lot of blood

laetus_lacrimosa: not exactly a clean cut job

mg3453: look how upset she was lmao

gawinulim11490: she deserves it.

gawinulim11490 has logged off.

mg3453: shit. good show anyway.

xwaifusayorix: i still think that guy was an incel

laetus_lacrimosa: incels don’t have cash like that, idiot

xwaifusayorix: true.

xwaifusayorix has logged off.

laetus_lacrimosa has logged off.

blueeyeswhited has logged pff.

mg3453 has logged off.

Session has ended.

kyloren has logged off.

#kylo ren smut #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren #kylo trash #no accounting for taste #dead dove: do not eat

[the-girl-who-sang]

October 26, 27 & 29th  of 2019: The Day that the Show was on Earth and the Spectators were the Stars in the Sky

October 26, 27 & 29th of 2019: The Day that the Show was on Earth and the Spectators were the Stars in the Sky

Start this message may be complicated, cause I feel my heart already hurting in yearning, but the memories that we created were so bigger and brighter than my small sadness, that I couldn't let this pass...

So here I'm writing you this words, that try to contemplate all the immensity of my truly love and appreciation for you, in the purest and uninterested way... 

Leaving from beginning, I feel like I have a beautiful story to tell. 

When the Love Yourself Tour where announced, I felt an indescribable euphoria. I thought that finally, I would be able to accomplish my biggest dream: go to your show and, make of this show, the first show of my life! But, unfortunately, there were no dates for Brazil.

But life is a surprise-box and, when you least expect it, something wonderful happens, something unexpected and so amazing, that you feel your breath fade and your smile taste like salt. And that was what happened for me. 

Few time later, new dates where announced and, what was my surprise, when I saw that my country, that Brazil were in middle of them! The joy and the emotion ran through my veins! Everything was perfect! That was a sign... A sign that I would have my chance.

But things wouldn't be that easy...

Between all that happiness and excitement, a harsh reality hit me hard: don't matter how much I wanted go to that show, I wouldn't be able. I don't had the money to do this! 

My dream, that for some moments were the sweetest and were so close of the touch of my fingers, like in a blink of an eye, disappeared, right in front of me, leaving behind, a bitter and suffocating taste.

So I cried... I cried because it hurted. So much. So much, that it doesn't fit into words. Was my dream, the thing I most wanted, the gift I wanted for my birthday right there, so close, but so far away...

I talked with my family and, even with all the problems, even with all the difficulties, frustrations and conflicts, they told me to try. And I tried... Putted on all my faith and wish, but wasn't enough. No, I couldn't. The defeat came mercilessly, got down like acid, and again I found myself alone, without friends, without joy, without hope...

This year, like the last two years, have been very difficult, I suffered pitiful losses, and my heart couldn't stand no more patches. I was broken and my only hope of joy had been torn from me.

Back to the beginning, I was... Destroyed, destroyed, exhausted. I could only accept the fact that, once again, I could not realize my dream. And that was, in fact, my last chance and so I had lost everything.

But... Do you know the expression that says 'miracles are real'? So, let me tell you a secret: this is true. And I can confirm, cause I received a miracle. 

Missing only 4 days, for the 1º show of the Love Yourself - Speak Yourself Tour in Brazil, just like a miracle, I finally received the bless of can get my tickets. It were necessary some minutes for I can realize that it were really happening. Then I cried and laughed, jumped, screamed, and thanked... I thanked that because it was undoubtedly the best birthday present I could ever want! 

I would really go to the BTS show with my mom! My dream was real! And in that moment of excitement and euphoria, I could only remember the words that a kind and sweet friend said, in a very hard moment...

The impossible is possible. And he was right.

May 25th of 2019 were the best day of my life. 

I never imagined my heart could overflow that way. It was so much love, so much emotion, so much affection, care and feeling. I never imagined that my soul could transcend my body, surpass all the limits of the possible and the impossible, only to unite with infinity in the fullness of that moment.

What I felt that night will never leave me. It's carved in my bones, drawn in my memories, painted in my eyes, overflowed through my blood, sweat and tears. I will never forget that day, and that day will never fade from me.

Never, in all my life, to feel so full and complete. As if I be in that place, beside my mother and so many unknown souls, before you, was my destine, my true place in this world.

After that day, a lot changed... Inside me. Chaos went on outside, but every time he tried to destabilize or hurt me, the memories of those moments of pure joy, the voices, the smiles, the kind words came just like spotlights, driving the darkness away, rescuing me from evil. And once again, I felt safe.

You became my home, my safe place, my point of peace. And no word  in the world can express the meaning of this. 

Time passed...

And here we are. Many things happened, problems, difficult situations, uncertainties and insecurities; it's being one year & two months since the beginning of this journey... And what a journey! So full of teachings and learning.

In all this time, we have being strong... We fight daily with our demons, fears, insecurities. And we won. Every single day. Together, as always.

I think that, you feel the same that me, but I need to express it out loud.

This era, the Map of the Soul - Persona - and equally your forerunner, Love Yourself, have a very deep and important meaning to me. Since you started this campaign of self love, I felt like it was a call to my awareness, a stimulus to make me see things I didn't want. Know, I've always had self-esteem issues, I could never find myself beautiful or interesting, and I got used to people reaffirming my insecurities. It turns out that after so long, the marks surfaced and scars began to appear, many of them. Emotional and psychological.

I tried to avoid them, forget them for too long, until I reached a point where there was no escape. I had nowhere to run and was already tired of feeling so small, inferior, unworthy of all that is good or beautiful.

Thanks to you guys, I decided to change... Or at least give it a try. I decided try to look at myself with other eyes, try to appreciate my qualities and give more value to my skills and talents. And I have been following this journey. It is not always easy. There are days when I look in the mirror and feel so ashamed of the reflection that looks at me, I just want to cry and hide, but I remain strong. I don't hurt the body in which habit anymore - or at least I try - with bad words or thoughts.

I'm getting a little better every day. And all this, thanks to you. Whenever I think of something bad about myself, I try to imagine their faces, their soft voices saying sweet words to me, reminding me that my life matters and that I have value.

And so I have been following, one day at a time. And if one day is too much, one hour, or one minute, or one second at a time... Taking a deep breath and doing my best to make my dreams come true. And I will make it! I know I will... And you will still be very proud of me!

But how we know, nothing last forever...

October 26th arrived, I felt something different. I shivered and was afraid, because I knew what it was, but I tried to send to the ends of reason, the real motive for that little pain in my chest. Sometimes, the truth is painful.

October 27th also arrived and one more time, I felt the sensation of lost embracing me, like a cold hug of goodbye. Then, I felt sad, but tried to keep my mind positive.

But when irrevocably, the October 29th came, something stranger happened. My mind understood it before my heart do. The second, bubbling in an explosive mixture of longing, sadness and gratitude, finally fell silent at the insistent whisper of truth: the end has come... And this is a true I don't wanted to face. But we need...

Thinking now, after cry a lot, seeing fancams, photos, videos and messages, I understand the meaning of all of this. It's all about love. Your love, our love. It's all about give love, live love, share love. In the end, it's not about awards, charts or profits. This is nice, but isn't everything. What really matters, is what we give and gain free, from the bottom of our souls.

All the things we lived together, through all those months, teached me that life is prettier then we think, and all we need is honesty, humility and love. A truly & honest love.

And all this story brings me till here, till the last page of this journey that, in fact, is so far away of the end. Yes, this isn't the end. It's just the beginning! An incredible new beginning, full of new emotions & magical memories!

Today, October 29th of 2019, marks the day we surpassed the limits of what is impossible and what isn't. Today, we made the stars as the the spectators of our show of love, respect and support. In this night, the lights were on earth and the audience, in the universe, appreciating the masterpiece of our love.

Now, we will begin a new journey together. New plans will come, new dreams, new songs, memories, colours and learnings. We will grow up even more. Together, as always.

Cause we're made of love... And love last forever!

I wanted to thank you all for everything. Thank you for all your hard works, passion, dedication and devotion. Thank you for be so strong. Thank you for never give up. Thank you for keep your mind and feelings safe. Thank you for be my peace. Thank you for give me hope.

I'll love you forever... And beyond the forever!

Tomorrow, will be a new day. When you open your eyes, remember what I’ll say: you’ll never be alone, we will always love & support who you are inside, don’t matter what happen. And most important of all: remember that I love you, and I'll always be here, for you and with you!

Can't wait to see you all again, shining brighter then the stars, in the sky, cause you're my galaxy and together, we make the universe, a sigh of eternity!

Forever by your side...

Yasmin de Carvalho - Brazil. 29/10/2019, 23:59hs. 

#BTS_SY_FINAL #BTS_LY_SY_FINAL #BTS_WORLDTOUR_SY_FINAL #BTS #Love Yourself - Speak Yourself #LY - SY Tour The Final #BTSourUniverse #SpeakYourselfTheFinal_D3 #SpeakYourselfTourTheFinal #SPEAK_YOURSELF #ThankYouBTS #ThankYouForLY_SYTour #ThankYouBTSforExisting #Thank You Namjoon #Thank You Jin #Thank You Yoongi #Thank You Hoseok #Thank You Taehyung #Thank You Jungkook #Thank You Jimin

[novelist-nerd-blog]

Get Away - Pre-death Kyle Spencer Imagine

Notes- You get a frantic call from your boyfriend Kyle, which leads you both to come to the conclusion that leaving is what's best to do.

Words- 603

The floor creaked as you paced back and forth as the time inched by. Your boyfriend, Kyle Spencer, had frantically called you to ask if he could come over and talk to you about something. That alone made you nervous. He's not one to get scared easily and everything about that conversation led you to believe he was. You were brought out of your thought when you heard the sound of a car door being slammed shut. You peaked out your door and watched Kyle walk up your sidewalk. "Hey," he greeted as he stepped inside of the house. As you shut your door you asked," What's wrong?"

"Pants on dogs. Dogs should never be obligated to wear pants."

"Ky, the real answer."

"Can we at least go sit down somewhere," he asked looking down at the ground.

"Yeah," you took his hand and led him into your living room. You sat down together on your couch and watched Kyle take in several deep breaths. "There's something I want to tell you, but I think you'll want to leave me after you hear it."

"Tell me it," you said as you clenched your fists.

"There's more of a reason for why I don't want to go home than me just not liking it. My mom she... she abuses me. I'm like her little toy or something."

"Does she hit you?"

"And other stuff," Kyle bit his lip,"She always wants sexual stuff from me."

"That's awful," you could feel your heart drop in your chest.

"I never like do anything back, but it's easier just to let her do it because when I try to get her to stop it only makes it worse." Tears began to form in the corner of Kyle's eyes and slipped down his cheeks. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him close to you. His arms slipped around your waist with his head buried into the crook of your neck. Your head rested on his as you rubbed circles onto his back, letting a few tears escape from your own eyes. Kyle raised his head up to look at you, but left his arms around you. You felt a soft kiss press against your forehead before you heard Kyle finally speak again,"I'm sorry."

"Kyle, none of this is your fault."

"But I dragged you into this as soon as I asked you to date me. You deserve more than someone who has my problems."

"I love you, every part of you. Your past and things like that are just what made you, you."

"I love you too, Y/N" You laid back on the couch and beckoned for Kyle to lay down with you. His head came to rest on your chest and his body soothed yours with warmth. Both of you stayed like that for a while without even moving, just enjoying being next to each and knowing that you both were safe in that moment. "You know," you started," We could always just leave here."

"Are you serious?"

"We only have a couple more weeks left of college and we could leave."

"I could just sign up for college wherever we go until I get my engineering degree."

"We wouldn't even have to tell anyone where we're going to," you said.

"How would we do it?"

"We could wait until late one night and shove as much stuff into your car as we can and just go."

"You better decide where you want to go then," Kyle said to you. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and began to passionately kiss you.

#kyle spencer #pre death kyle spencer #kyle spencer imagines #evan peters #evan peters imagines #ahs evan peters #ahs imagine

[dukevividwriting]

Bite Me

At Heaven's Edge, Sin and Ramlethal watched from a distance as Sol duck, dodged; and even ran away from the forces opposing him...This was all for his training against magic users. This particular exercise had a simple point, avoid getting hit for an allotted period of time. No blocking, No attacking; just straight evasion. No problem for Sol...Except..

The time limit was 5 hrs.

Even a glancing blow would call for Sin to reset the clock.

Ky brought along Dizzy and Aria to 'assist in training' Sol, both happy to oblige (Dizzy, a lttle too eager to help).

So there they were food in hand, timer in between them; watching the greatest show on earth. At least, Sin was...Ram had other thoughts on her mind.  The young woman held her triple missle burger tightly (not too tightly, Danny Misslies is to be respected and handled as such) as she recalled the advice of her elder sisters, whom were more accustomed to matters of the heart than she.

'El said to smile with my heart when I speak...I can do that...I suppose. Aria said the keys to flirting are tone, action; and language. Every movement and word should be for the goal of attraction. Also I should start a conversation about something you both enjoy....What does Sin enjoy?'

Ram looked over at the young gear cheering on both his (their?) teacher and his mother as the latter tried to incinerate the former with her 'IMPERIAL RAY.'  He laughed, waving the giant meat bone in his hand at Sol's horrified face and Dizzy's surprisingly badguy-esqe smirk, as she summoned spears of ice and fire and launched them with out hesitation at the oldest gear.

'Sin likes fighting, his family and meat...we have those in common, but which one would be best for...flirting.'

Ram was deep into her thought. So deep that she didn't notice she had an audience..until she heard them.

"You ok Ram?"

The dark skinned Valentine eyes widen at the question and split second blush appeared on her face, before she returned to her naturally neutral demeanor. She gave her friend and teammate a small smile.

"Yes, Why ask?"

"The way you're sitting. You only sit that way when your mulling over something."

She blinked once, twice, thrice before realizing she had pulled her left leg up upon the chair and held it with her hand, nor that she was periodically drumming her calves with her finger tips. She wasn't as surprised as she was impressed by the fact that he noticed. A bit charmed as well.

"You still pay that much attention to me."

"Of course! We're friends right?"

"Right." Her tone was a bit too jovial to be truthful, but Sin didn't seem to notice. That didn't do nothing to ease the curious stare he was giving her.

"So... What's on your mind. Maybe I can help?"

Ram pursed her lips as a plan formulated in her mind. "I've been wondering about..Meat."

"Meat?"

A small smirk appeared on the woman face, her eyes half close. An unexpected teasing feeling came off her "Meat."

Sin arched an eyebrow and his throat dried little. "What about, Meat?"

"What's a man perfered meat?"

"Huh?" The young gear couldn't grasp the question. It was out there for him, and the fact that it was Ramlethal that asked made it more so. "I..I don't think men have a perfered meat..Why you ask?"

"Research for El."

Sin nodded, Elphelt still was Elphelt even after everything, love and marriage still was high on the red haired Valentine's mind. It just that she extened her search from just her..to any and everybody who needs help... Her match making services are becoming a bit of a tale along Illiya.

"That make sense...Let me see..."

Ram couldn't help the smile that came as she watch Sin overthink a simple question. His scrunched up face , and the way he place his chin betwern his right thumb and index, rubbing it ever so slightly nearly made her giggle out right.

'He's...Cute. Like a magedog." the thought was quick and unexpected but wasn't unwanted. She realized how she felt when she thought she was gonna die on the antimatter mission and have not once allow herself to think otherwise, her Ego wouldn't allow it.

"Well, It differs. Ky..uhm Dad, seems to like chicken more than everything else-"

Ramlethal raised her hand in protest. Of course he wouldn't get it. "Stop...I didn't mean that..I mean what..part of the meat."

Sin smiled obliviously as he gave a thumps up. "Oh. Well that's a whole other ball park.. Hmmm... Dad might not seem like it but he actually favors breast, thigh; legs, and wings.

Ram looked over to the first King who was watching with sinful delight as Sol ran for his well being from Dizzy's Fish lazers.Though it look like his eyes were more on Dizzy than Sol.

"Is that so?"

"He's not a big meat eater, but he have his moments. The old man is a big fan of breast, legs, and thighs."

"Not surprised." Ram smirked as she watched Aria join in launching a 'CALVADOS'  towards Sol, who dived out of the way, only to see her wizard 'GHOST SET' preparing to attack. The old gear let out a growl before jumping away, dodging their attack.

"And you? Whats your favorite?"

"I like all meat, but I'm partial to dark meat."

"Dark meat?"

"Legs and thighs" Sin raised his meat bone as indication of his claim. " They're the best parts."

"Really?"

"Sin smiled brightly as he continued "Yup Nothing beats some good thighs and legs.  Rather it's beef, chicken, Rams..

A blush graced the darkskinned Valentine at the accidental admission "What?"

Sin frozed and turned away robotically to hide his own embarrassment "I said ham."

"No.. You didn't Sin..."The impish tone of her voice surprised her, but she couldn't help it. Her ego, his flustered state and her feelings towards him; made her want to tease him more so much that a playful, flirty shark like smirk graced her lips. "You wanna bite my legs and thighs."

"No! Well not in a that! I just like your legs and thighs, I don't want to eat them though!"

"So I am attractive, to you?" Sin, the poor boy; did not trust his voice at the monent so he kept silent, because she was right(and it wasn't just her legs he was attracted to. He appreciated her inside and outside )...Though the redding of his face and his sheepish look was more of a confirmation than his words. Still she wanted to push him a bit more.

"Sin."

Sin eyes widened at her breathly tone. he watched Ramlethal Valentine slowly and delicately grab the edge of her skirt hem and slowly lift.

"Want to..bite me?" Centimeter by centimeter revealing even more of her thighs in the already short skirt. Sin gulped, tranced as he move closer to the Valentine leg, thigh.

Just as he mentally swore he would get to see hip, the flirting to came to an abrupt end by a 'stray' ice pillar rising between the two. Both young beings looked scared and embarrassed at a 'smiling' maiden of the grove, one that promised a talk with each of them and a smirking and chuckling Sol, who was soon silenced by a fire pillar.

" My apologies for interrupting your conversation. Restart the clock Sin, if you will and please pay attention..WE wouldn't l want any...Accidents, now would we?"

The tone in her voice was sweet, serene, and held a promise of punishment if she ever caught them acting like that in public. The duo nodded and moved to their original spots. As training restarted the two kept looking forward at the battlefield. Sin couldn't keep the same focus he had though, his mind set on Ran actions and how they made him feel. He looked at Ram from his left peripheral and he felt his brain stop.

She was in the middle of sitting back down  on her chair, her leg to her chest just as before.  Noticing his glance, she gave him a full, slow, and deliberately revealing show of her leg, thigh and hip. She gave him a quick side glance and a small smirk, before biting her burger in triumph.

"Delicious."

#sin kiske #ramlethal valentine #sinxram #guilty gear fanfiction #guilty gear rev 2 #guilty gear #sol badguy #dizzy kiske #aria hale #jack o valentine #funny fanfiction #black writers #black nerds #black fanfiction writers

[jchb32273]

Fictober 2019 - Day 14

Fanfiction - Dragon Age AO3 Link

Slight NSFW section

I Can’t Come Back

~~~~~

Right after our special All Heart’s Day, I moved through the next two weeks in a blissful haze. I spent both the following weekends with Alistair at his condo where we spent our evenings, mornings… and sometimes the afternoons making love. I had never felt such contentment, love, and wonder as when I was with him.

So when the letter arrived from my mother with bad news, it hit me like a stampede of druffalo. I called her that afternoon.

“What did the doctor say, mum?” I asked worriedly.

“First tests were inconclusive. They need me to come back for more blood work and tests in a few days.” She coughed weakly into the phone. “I just don’t know how I can afford it.”

“The insurance company is still making you pay upfront? Why? I thought your coverage from your job was better than that!”

“They had to change to a cheaper provider and they don’t cover as much as the other insurance did.”

“Isn’t dad still sending you alimony, mum?” There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone for a moment. “Mum?”

Quietly, she murmured, “No.”

“What?” I nearly screeched. “Why not?!”

“He has apparently disappeared. No one has seen him in months.”

“Months?! Mum, this is crazy!”

“Sweetie, I didn’t want to tell you! I want you to do good in school and not worry about me. I can survive on my income.” She started coughing again.

Near tears, I said, “But how can you afford my schooling and all your bills?! My scholarship only covers the bare minimum. How far behind are you? Tell me the truth.”

She sighed. “Mortgage is one month behind, but I got an extension on it.”

“And? What else?”

“I’ve got a disconnect notice from both the phone and utilities.”

I started to cry. “And you are paying for my classes and books instead. Mum, I can’t let you do this.”

“I told you, sweetie, I will manage.”

I shook my head. “No. I can’t. I won’t let you do this to yourself. I will drop out of school, come home and get a job. We will get you caught up and in the meantime, hopefully, the doctors can figure out what is going on with your health.”

“Please, Kylara, I don’t want you to drop out! Your schooling is important!”

“And I don’t want you penniless in the streets! You are the only mother I will ever have! School can wait, mum. I can re-enroll once things straighten out, or find a cheaper local college near home.” I sighed. “Maybe the lawyers will find dad, too.”

“Kylara…”

“My answer is final. I will notify my teachers and the dean. You can expect me home in about a week and a half, once I make the arrangements. In the meantime, please take care of yourself.”

Resigned, she sighed. “Very well, I will. I love you, daughter.”

“Love you, mum.”

After I hung up the phone, fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. I know she didn’t want me to worry about her, but hiding all this from me has only made it worse!

I looked around the room I had shared with Leliana this past year and a half. Maker, I am going to miss her. She has been the best roommate and friend I could have ever had. Also, my other friends that I have come to care for! Cullen, my friend, and fellow science nerd. Dorian and Bull… even Anders, Hawke, Isabela, and Fenris… I will miss them all so much!

And what am I going to tell Alistair? He has money! I just know the first thing he will try and offer is to pay for everything my mum owes! I absolutely cannot let him do that! He has his own family troubles… I don’t need him worrying about mine!

A sudden, chilling thought hit me.

I can’t tell him! If I do, that is exactly what will happen! So I guess that means… Am I going to have to break up with him? Maker, I hope not! I suppose I should have known all along that something like this might happen. Just when I think I deserve some happiness… I flopped face down on my bed and started bawling.

Two hours later I was back in my room after visiting the liquor store – not only for some strong booze to help numb myself for what was to come – but also to get some empty boxes from them to start packing. I had already polished off a third of the whiskey and packed up my bookshelf and desk items, along with a few bits of clothing when Leliana finally walked in the room.

“Whew! That was a long rehearsal! I am so glad I- ” She stared at the half-empty room… “Kylara? What is going on? Why are you packing up?!” A sudden delighted look came to her face. “Oh, you’re moving in with Ali already?! Well, I admit this is sooner than I expected, but…” I stopped her from going further.

“No, Leli. I am dropping out of school. I am moving back home to be with my mum.”

“What? Why?!” When I started crying again, she came up and hugged me. “Ky, you can tell me anything! Please, why are you leaving us?” She guided me to her bed and had me sit. Then she walked over to my desk and brought back the whiskey bottle and the shot glass I’d been using.

After we shared a few shots, I told her of my mother’s financial troubles and her health issues. We talked until it was nearly midnight, then I finally concluded with, “So she can’t keep payin’ for me to stay here plus take care of herself! So thas why I have to go home and help.”

“And you’re sure you won’t be coming back?”

“I don’ see how… unless the lawyers find my no-good father and get him to start paying mum again! Tha was really what was helping her stay afloat.”

“You think he ran off so he wouldn’t have to pay anymore?” She poured me another shot of whiskey.

I swallowed the burning drink. “I dunno,” I slurred. “Maybe?”

“I wish this wasn’t happening to you. You’ve been doing so good in all your classes…” She saw me wobbling on her bed and then said, “I think that is enough for tonight. Go on and lay down. Tomorrow I’ll help you with any arrangements that still need to be handled.”

As we were getting ready for sleep, she then asked the question I’d been dreading. “Have you told Alistair yet?”

I turned to face her. “Leli, promish me you won’t say anything about thish to him!”

“Why not? He could probably help…”

“Thas is why you can’t say it! He’ll wanna help me with hish money! But thish is my problem! I don’ want our relashionship to be based on money!” Then I muttered, “His father already hates me enough… don’ wanna give him any more reasons…”

“But you’re going to have to tell him something! You can’t just leave him without a reason! That would be cold… and you aren’t like that!”

I crawled under my covers. “I’ll think uv something… for now, lemme sleep.”

A week went by in a blur. Tomorrow was Friday and if all went well, I’d be leaving the following Wednesday. My arrangements were nearly complete; my teachers and dean notified. I still hadn’t finished packing, but most of my boxes were full now. I had picked up another bottle of whiskey to drink – not because I wanted it – but because I still hadn’t mustered the courage to tell Alistair anything yet.

Leliana didn’t say anything when she saw me boozing it up again, but I caught her disapproving frown.

Sunlight streamed in my window through a crack in my curtain and I groaned. Maker, I’m gonna have one heck of a hangover…

Suddenly I felt warm arms squeeze me and tender lips brush my neck. “Mmm, they say that the endorphins produced by sex can combat even the worst of hangover headaches…”

I turned over in the bed to face Alistair. “Um… first, why, how, and when did you get here?”

His lips brushed against mine and then he smiled. “Leli called me after you passed out last night. She told me you’ve been having a bad week, so I came over and she snuck me in through the window. I’m glad your room is on the first floor… might have been a bit of a challenge were you higher up.” He grinned. “You were already out cold, so I just crawled into bed with you. You must have sensed me because you curled right up against me.”

“And how do you plan on getting out of here without being seen? If you’re caught, we’re both in trouble.”

“Leli called us out of both our classes today… we apparently both have the flu. Sooo…” he drawled, “apparently we have all day to ourselves.” He kissed me and then with a waggle of his eyebrows, asked, “Would you like me to help you get rid of that headache now?”

Inwardly, I sighed. I suppose I should enjoy what time I have left with him. Maybe that is selfish of me… but I’ll never be able to feel again what I had with Alistair. Even if I could meet another, I know no one else would ever come close. I gave a slight smile and said, “You are aware my bed is only a twin-size here? It isn’t near big enough… compared to the king-sized one in your condo. I am still not sure how you even managed to get your tall, muscular body on this bed with me in the first place!”

“Well then, we’ll just have to get creative as well as deviant.”

After a bit of foreplay, then showing me and putting on his protection, he had me get on top of him. We hadn’t tried this position before, but I quickly got into it. It gave me a sense of power and control that I rarely – if ever – felt. The cheap springs in my mattress also had him driving himself so deep inside me that he had to cover my mouth with his hand when I came; lest my screams announce to anyone who might still be in the dorms as to what we were doing.

After a moment of basking in the afterglow, Alistair quietly – and carefully – got up off of my bed and ducked into the bathroom for a moment. When he came out, I handed him his underwear. He slipped them on and then sat on the edge of the bed with me.

“So, how is the headache?”

“Mmm… was I supposed to have one?” I sighed as I leaned against him.

“Guess I was right about those endorphins, hmm?” Then he turned to face me, which caused me to have to sit back up. “So,” he began, a more serious look on his face, “care to tell me what is really going on here?”

“Did… did Leli tell you anything else?”

“She didn’t say anything to me other than you have had a shitty week and had self-medicated last night with whiskey,” he replied. “Now… if you are also subtlety asking did I notice the packed boxes on the floor and the empty shelves in the room…”

I sighed. Guess I have to tell him now… thanks, Leli… I stared at the floor. “I have to drop out of school, Alistair.”

“Why?”

“My mother needs help at home.”

“That’s it?” he asked, sounding a bit skeptical. “How long will you be gone for?”

I couldn’t answer, my tongue felt thick in my mouth. Alistair continued.

“And when were you actually planning on telling me this? Or were you going to tell me at all?!”

“I-I was going to tell you… I just…”

Alistair sighed. “Do you want to know what I think?”

I looked up at him miserably. “What?”

“I think there is more to this than you are letting on. I think you are afraid of me finding out that there is something else and that is why you haven’t said anything to me… until Leliana forced the issue.” He took my hand into his. “What I want to know is why don’t you trust me? We love each other, but what is love without trust?”

I started crying. “I-I just didn’t want t-to say goodbye.”

“How is it goodbye?”

“I can’t come back, Alistair.”

He sat there, a look of disbelief on his face. After a moment, he blurted out, “I see.” There was another awkward moment of silence, and then he shook his head. “No. No, I don’t see! What are you not telling me? Is there someone else then? Back home? Some guy you left behind?”

“No!” I said, horrified he’d even think that. “I swear on my heart, there is no one back home but my mum. That is it!”

“Then why can’t you just help her and come back?”

“Please don’t ask … I-I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t? Or you won’t?”

I sobbed. “Both.”

Alistair was silent. He then grabbed his jeans and T-shirt and put them back on. He slipped on his shoes and then got up. He stood there in front of me and then finally said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Sorrier still, that for whatever your reasons, you can’t trust me.”

“Are you angry at me?” I asked sadly.

He sighed. “No. Not angry. Just disappointed.” He toed one of my boxes with his sneaker. “If you need help with anything, just… call me, okay?”

I nodded numbly. “Y-you’re leaving? I thought…”

“Thought what?”

“… That we could still spend the day… together? Since Leli called us out ‘sick’?”

“That was originally my plan… but now? Now I guess I just need some time to think.” He walked over to our door. “Hope it all works out back home… with your mom. If you want, you can call or text me from there too. I am still your friend, after all.” He then opened the door and slipped out, shutting it quietly behind him.

#fictober19 #dragon age #alternate universe #modern thedas #college #problems at home #love and trust #angst and feels

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2019 | Pt. II

Reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read one hundred books this year (on track, currently at 76), finish five video games (FIN), write something novel-length (not so much) and write something original (technically done? don’t know if I want to count a snippet that didn’t even hit 1k). These last two goals CAN be combined (I might try NaNo this year, so we will see).

Part I: January-July. 

MOVIES

August

American Graffiti

Toy Story 4

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Aquaman

(Spirited Away)

The Grinch

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus

John Wick

Alita: Battle Angel

(Jaws)

Jaws 2

The Dark Tower

September

(Avengers Endgame)

IT: Chapter 2

(Kull: The Conquerer)

(Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

October

Lego Movie 2

Us

Roman Holiday

(Monster’s Inc)

(13 Ghosts)

Addams Family

November

The King

BOOKS

August

Red, White, and Royal Blue | Casey Mcquiston [Fin]

Nevernight | Jay Kristoff [Fin]

David Mogo, Godhunter | Suyi Davies Okungbowa [Fin]

League of Dragons | Naomi Novak [Fin]

The Magpie Lord | KJ Charles [Fin]

Witches of Lychford | Paul Cornell [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King

The Affair of the Mysterious Letter | Alexis Hall [Fin]

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine | Gail Honeyman [Fin]

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson

September

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King [Fin]

Educated | Tara Westover [Fin]

Middlegame | Seanan Mcguire [Fin]

Eye of the World | Robert Jordan

Harrow County Vol. 1 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 2 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 3 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 4 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 5 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Exhalation | Ted Chiang [Fin]

The Ten Thousand Doors of January | Alix Harrow** [Fin]

Through the Woods | Emily Carroll [Fin]

To Be Taught, If Fortunate | Becky Chambers** [Fin]

The Eye of the World | Robert Jordan [Fin]

Chilling Effect | Valerie Valdes [Fin]

October

We Are Where the Nightmares Go | C. Robert Cargill [Fin]

Horrorstor | Grady Hendrix [Fin]

Feedback | Mira Grant [Fin]

Ninth House | Leigh Bardugo [Fin] 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo | Taylor Jenkins Reid [Fin]

Monster of Elendhaven | Jennifer Giesbrecht [Fin]

Mirrormask | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

The Darkest Part of the Forest | Holly Black [Fin]

We Set the Dark on Fire | Tehlor Kay Mejia [Fin]

November

The Gilded Wolves | Roshani Chokshi [Fin]

Words of Radiance | Brandon Sanderson 

PODCASTS

August

The Magnus Archive Eps 11-63

Alice Isn’t Dead Ep 5

September

The Magnus Archive Eps 64-94

The Adventure Zone | Episode 5

October

The Magnus Archive Eps 95-159**

Welcome to Night Vale

Alice Isn’t Dead Eps 6-10 + bonus episodes

TANIS Ep 1

The Penumbra Podcast

Zero Hours**

November

The Penumbra Podcast

The Magnus Archive Eps 160

TV SHOWS

August

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural

Another Life

She-Ra s3

Steven Universe s5

Glow s1

(Gravity Falls s2)

September

Carnival Row

Sherlock s4

Fruit’s Basket

October

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

Leverage s1

Fruit’s Basket

November

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

VIDEO GAMES

August

Witcher 3 DLC: Blood and Wine (40 hrs)

September

Control (20 hrs)

Monster Hunter World

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (23 hrs)

October

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (30 hrs) [Fin]

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

November

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

DELIGHTFUL FIC

August

In These Frozen and Silent Nights by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | “You know me,” Shane says, “I love a good cabin. I’m a cabinhead.”“I’ll show you cabin head,” Ryan rebuts without thinking, and then he turns his face into the pillow to stifle a nervous snicker. “Oh shit, wait, that’s—”

Warm My Bones by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 12k | Shane isn't meant to go into heat, but he does.

and only then we'll know if it was worth to become a ghost by Spooks | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 8k | It has never been easy, convincing Shane of the existence of the supernatural. It doesn't become incredibly much easier once Ryan becomes a ghost himself.

#blessed by thehoyden | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 9k | Of course Shane would rather not work; he’d like it to be like the good old days, and who wouldn’t? But a demon’s gotta eat, and he can’t even get a discount on his rent because it turns out it’s a lot harder to influence faceless companies with ominous dreams. Ergo: gainful employment at Buzzfeed.

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 6k |  Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends.

never tell me the odds by Wildehack (tyleet) | Wolf 359 | Doug/Hera | 9k | “I tried Star Wars," he says, adjusting the phone under his neck, "and it was way underwhelming.”

Alien Reacharound by Edgelord (lostlikeme) | Invader Zim | Zadr | 3k | “You’re telling me the only way I can get back into my body is some kind of…” Dib gesticulates while he searches for the right words. “Alien reacharound?”

Find Me Somebody by raiining | Good Omens | Adam/Warlock | 11k | “You left me,” he said. “You both left me, for him. And I can’t even blame you, because I’d have left me for him too.”

flirting with fire by brawlite | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 6k | WIP | Steve's a cop, Billy's a firefighter. It's not a grudge, it's just a regular old small town rivalry.

and you're trying not to tell him by lymricks | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 4k | Whatever. They don’t talk, is the point, and Billy doesn’t need to finish all these big, deep, tragic sentences in his head. He needs to know if Harrington can’t swim.For lifeguard reasons. It’s his job, all right?

See Your Colors by lj_todd | The Dark Tower | Roland/Walter | 2k | The first time Roland laid eyes on Walter was the first time he saw color.

Straight Martinis by dreamfleet, mezmerize | Kingdom Hearts | Axel/Roxas | 5k | The obvious choice. (Or, cocktail parties are boring and hot waiters are fantastic distractions.)

September

gold, when you find me by mmtion | The Flash | Iris/Barry | 53k | It's not that Iris hates The Flash, per say - more that she hates writing about The Streak in a weekly, pun-heavy comic based on The Flash.

From friends to this by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | Star Wars | Reylo | 3.6k | Ben has never been good with words; Rey, it seems, doesn’t mind learning his language.

wear it well by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Sara, Shane/Sara | 5k | “Are Ryan and I dating? Or— something?”Shane looks up from his paperback, an eyebrow raised. “Babe I think you’re asking the wrong person.”

never gets old by brawls (brawlite), ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 31k | WIP | Falling in love with a cam boy named KingSteve isn't the smartest thing Billy Hargrove has ever done, nor is it the most healthy -- but the good choice is rarely ever the fun choice, and Billy is all about living life fast and loose.

Gift Trapped by andavs | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 19k | There was a massive box, wrapped up prettily with red paper and a green bow, totally eclipsing the small Christmas tree Laura set up on his coffee table. The thudding heartbeat was coming from inside.

To the Sun by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 17k | Life is weird. Ten years after Unsolved ends, Shane’s married with a kid and Ryan accidentally bumps into him at a gas station in Illinois.

Tag Team by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 14k | Ryan participates in a charity date auction, much to his chagrin. Sara and Shane try to help.

October

only then i am human, only then i am clean by Macremae | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 4k | There had never seemed to be a reason why everyone on station wanted to bang the living daylights out of Ryan. It was just... a thing. Space is black, stars are bright, and Ryan Dalias is attractive to literally everyone. The universe continues as normal.Except now it's laughing it's ass off, because turns out there was a reason after all.

(Almost Cool by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 30k | While filming the Yuma Territorial Prison episode, Shane gets bitten by what he thinks is a bat. Spoiler alert: it's not.)

low lays the devil by Spooks (agonizer) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 19k | Keeping Ryan Bergara alive and safe is a full-time job, and Shane Madej has his work cut out for him.

Scratch by L1av | DBH | Hankcon | 71k | There's a virus killing androids. Hank and Connor are tasked with finding out what it is and why it's being made. When the virus is unwillingly uploaded into Connor's system, he learns there may be a desperate reason why androids want it. He can feel pain. And he likes it.

Ask a Compelling Question by TeamHPForever | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon Sims | 2k | “What are you thinking about?” Jon asks, his voice edged into a snap.Martin’s mouth opens and, entirely without his permission, words spill out. “I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

a clean break by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Georgie/Melanie | 1k | Georgie’s phone rings at work, and she almost doesn’t answer it.

ways to save the world by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 19k | “I left you,” Martin says softly.

Where Airy Voices Lead by Harvey_King (Delphi) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 4k |  Five unsubstantiated encounters between Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, and one that was captured on audio cassette.

the shape of your comfort, molded with care by ivelostmyspectacles | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 6k | “You didn’t like the sex, did you?”

Out Of His System by platoapproved | Raven Cycle | Noah/Ronan, Kavinsky/Ronan | 2k | Noah gives Ronan a quick and nasty handjob while dirty talking to him about Kavinsky, because that's what friends are for.

i'd bury diamonds just for you by desastrista | The Bright Sessions | Sam/Damien/Mark | 9k | Mark is photographing a band on tour, Sam is working at the AM, and Damien is still struggling to adjust to life without his abilities

strange bedfellows by spookykingdomstarlight | Star Wars | Finn/Kylo Ren | 4k | “Alas, the storm is come again! My best way is to creep under his gaberdine. There is no other shelter hereabouts. Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past.” - The Tempest, Act II, Scene II

The Denial Twist by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 35k | Or, the one where Shane and Ryan have some really weird dreams and perhaps, eventually, some sex.

November

The Sun Dog by ambiguously | Star Wars | Finn/Ren/Rey | 5k | Finn and Rey, with their semi-prisoner Kylo Ren, attempt to meet up with the Resistance on a planet that has been taken over by monsters.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

August

billy hargrove | fairly local.

(Marvel) MCU || In The End

battle royale [iw + endgame]

Multifandom || Can i keep you?

roman godfrey | bad guy.

Mr. Sandman | Multifandom

September

Iron Man & Captain America || Legends Are Made

Quentin & Eliot || There's a door somewhere

glitter & gold [bungou stray dogs amv]

(Marvel) Thor | Worthy

MARVEL || What if the Storm Ends? (collab w/ djcprod)

Marvel || I'm Only Human

DISNEY'S Motivational Video

(SW) Darth Vader | The Good In You

(Marvel) Peter Parker | Legacy

MultiFandom || Way Down We Go [200K]

Marvel || Destruction

October

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt [Geralt Of Rivia] Tribute

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt Tribute ''Swallow Song" [HD]

►buzzfeed unsolved; GhostBusters™

👻 Buzzfeed Unsolved in Nutshell [IG edits]

👻buzzfeed unsolved; calling all the monsters

Dishonored GMV (Outsider tribute) - Dark Matter

Dishonored GMV Honor for all

Preacher ][ Play Dirty

【Assassin's Creed ｜Odyssey】Wires

👻 The Buzzfeed Unsolved Crack

👻 2 Unsolved 2 Crack

Pennywise | Toxic

2023 - Trailer (1917 Style)

Crowley Good Omens Cosplay Tik Tok Compilation

Joker

(Death Note) Yagami Light | The God of the New World

REYLO || WICKED GAME

Multi-Horror || Where is my mind?

November

MARVEL/DC - Runnin

THE WITCHER | MAIN TRAILER | NETFLIX

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

August

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion

Walk Through the Fire - Ruelle

Remember When - Bad Wolves

The High Road - Broken Bells

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At the Disco

Season of the Witch - Lana del Rey

The Void - Muse

Dancing On My Own - Robyn

Lanterns Lit - Son Lux

Fire With Fire - AlicebanD

Hungover in the City of Dust - Autoheart

Everything I Need - Skylar Grey

Liquid Smooth - Mitski

Think - Kaleida

Swan Song - Dua Lipa

September

Eleventh Dimension - Julian Casablancas

Talk | Khalid

Interstellar soundtrack

Bird Song | Juniper Vale

For the Dancing and the Dreaming | Erutan

Paradise Valley | Honey and the Sting

My Hallelujah | Autoheart

Witchcraft | Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

Furthest Star | Dirt Poor Robins

October

Lots of ghost ambient music

The Ocean | Linnea Olsson

Play Dirty | Kevin McAllister

NFWMB | Hozier

Me and the Devil | Soap&Skin

Rhiannon | Fleetwood Mac

In the Woods Somewhere | Hozier

Wet Black Leaves (playlist)

The Cruel Prince

Pas De Deux - Michael Abels

Beach Walk - Michael Abels

I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix) - Michael Abels

POSTED FIC

August

no more dreaming like a ghost | KH | Axel/Roxas | 813 words | He is in the kitchen, the stove top still warm under his thighs, and everything smells of cherries. The pie is cooling on the windowsill, the sun slanting in warm and buttery, and it is like a dream. A memory. A wish.

Cheers | DBH | Hankcon | 6,368 words | “Are you coming in or not?”Connor blinks, jerks his eyes up and away from those hands and-The bartender has blue eyes. They match the spinning LED at his temple perfectly.

September

N/A

October

bury a friend (try to wake up) | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,587 words | Steve digs up Billy’s body on a Tuesday.

won't be too soon 'til I say... goodnight moon | KH | Riku/Sora | 4,549 words |  The house was built in the fall of 1882.

you'll never know what hit you | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 5,379 words | "C’mon, ghost,” Shane urges. “Make all my dreams come true. Fuck me up, fam.”

make this chaos count | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 724 words | “You really should stop looking for me,” Akmazian tells him, fingers creeping across Ryan’s ribcage, mapping the architecture of his ribs.

eat you up whole | The Witcher | Geralt/Regis | 2,527 words | “How many mouthfuls do you think I could take from you before it had some effect?” Regis whispers, lips against his throat. Geralt can feel the pinprick of fangs. “Four? Six? Ten? More, even?”

forget the horror here | DBH | Hankcon | 4,390 words | “Hello,” the android says, it’s chest heaving, the gleam of its heart brighter, bluer than before.

summoning demons (and other bad first date ideas) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 3,868 words | “If I let you out of that circle,” Ryan says, slowly. “Are you going to eat me?”

Itch | The Magnus Archives | Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims | 1,440 words | The boneturner takes from him two ribs - one for him and one for Jon. 

the salt water sting | Dishonored | Corvo/Outsider | 2,163 words |  The ship wrecks several hundred miles off of the coast of Karnaca.

a skeleton of something more | SGA | Rodney/John | 3,072 words | “John?” he murmurs, still coasting on the pain. His head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, if cotton were also made of glass.

in the woods somewhere | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 4,570 words | Stiles buys a house in Virginia.

Wake Up | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 550 words | “If you wake up,” Martin tells him, experimentally. “I won’t go through with it. You can tell me what a stupid idea it was, and we can laugh about it, and everything will be normal.”

Pas de Deux | KH | Axel/Roxas | 506 words | Roxas doesn’t remember what the sky looks like anymore.

try to wake up | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,226 words | They do not, in fact, bone down and praise Satan.

too late to come on home | LoZ | Gen | 1,391 words | “You look familiar,” the boy says in his strange, haunting voice. “Are you lost?”

patron saint of the lost causes | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 4,203 words | “Can’t you just, y’know,” he waves a hand and makes an obscene gesture, his cheeks flaring red. “Shag it out?”

wouldn't you like to see something strange? | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 1,571 words | “I’d say you make my heart pound, but well…” Stiles nods meaningfully to his chest, where if you look hard enough between the slots of his ribs, you can see the lump of muscle that once was his heart, pointedly not beating. “You know.”

the night is softly, sweetly calling | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 2,938 words | Here’s the thing that Stiles never tells the Hales: his mother was strange too.

Haunt | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 1,486 words |  Ryan couldn’t remember a time when the world didn’t believe in ghosts.

bite my tongue, bide my time | PJO | Nico/Percy(/Annabeth) | 1,376 words | “What’s wrong with you?” Nico asks, cowering when Percy places a gentle kiss on his collarbone.

Bird Song | Raven Cycle | Ronan/Adam, Gen | 1,445 words | On a dreary Sunday in early January, Ronan dreams himself a pair of wings.

kiss me hard until you're done | Star Wars | Reylo | 3,082 words | He looks up at her from under heavy lids, dark hair sweeping forward to frame his face. “May I have this dance?”

beauty in the dissonance | Marvel | Tony/Loki | 1,411 words |  When Tony dies, it isn’t for forever.

like real people do | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 2,808 words |  “I’ve got the sight, man,” he says with a small shrug. “And look, I feel for you. You’re dead and I’m not, and that sucks, but unless you’re planning on doing something about it, I’d really appreciate it if you could stop feeling me up and let me get back to sleep.”

i'd rather drown in your ocean | Naruto | Itachi/Shisui | 1,630 words |  The Uchihas are an odd sort. Everyone says so.

catch your breath | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien/Sam | 2,588 words | Mark had never assumed in a million years that he would ever see Damien again. He hadn’t factored in zombies.

Nightmare | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 1,424 words | “All right,” he says, taking Jon’s still outstretched hand. “Let’s give the dream what it wants.”

dreaming of the crash | Gravity Falls | Mabel & Dipper | 484 words | When the end of the world comes, they’re under the bed.

don't we love it now? | Kingdom Hearts | Sora/Riku/Kairi | 1,784 words |  When Kairi is eleven years old, she gets lost in the woods.

all this, and love too, will ruin us | Star Wars | Reylo | 1,102 words |  Rey is awake to watch the sunrise

November

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

August

N/A

September

N/A

October

Not October 8 | Wolf 359 | Hera & Jacobi | 652 words |  When they land on Earth, Hera spends a week in a box.

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

August

N/A

September

#heather says what #scrapbook #heather writes

[until-theend-oftheline]

K-Y Jelly

Pairing: Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: Pregnant Reader, Atlanta heat, overreactions, pregnancy clichés with a new spin

Word Count: 813

A/N: This fits into my Life Long Loveletter Universe and it takes place during the summer of 2013. It can also easily be read as a stand alone though.

Not betaed. All mistakes are mine.

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Life Long Loveletter

You had been Atlanta for a little over a week, but today was the first day you had decided to come to set with Sebastian. You hadn’t wanted to be in the way even if he had begged you to come a few times. Finally now that you were running out of stuff to do around the city you relented and had come with him.

He had disappeared off to the hair and makeup trailer, already in full costume and you decided to lay down for a bit to rest while he was getting ready. Being pregnant in the humid Atlanta heat was wearing on your energy.

You must have dozed off and Sebastian being Sebastian hadn’t had the heart to wake you, because it was a few hours later when you woke up to the sound of voices and laughter outside the trailer. You blinked a few time, burying your face in the pillow as you tried to regain your bearings. The voices belonged to Sebastian, Chris and Anthony, so you assumed they were on a break or something.  

You took a deep breath, opening your eyes and you instantly frowned at the sight of the tube on the nightstand next to you. Your sleepy, pregnancy brain weren’t really sure what to make of it at first. Then your irritation quickly started to grow. You weren’t even sure why, because it wasn’t like two of you hadn’t been plenty adventurous in the past. Maybe it was the heat? Or maybe it was because you were starting to feel not like yourself as your body changed with the baby growing inside of you.

Either way you jumped from the bed as fast as you could, grabbing the KY Jelly from the nightstand and marched to the door, towards the voices with it in your hand. Sebastian’s smiling face looking up at you from one of the three directors chairs out front weren’t even enough to calm your annoyance as you appeared in the door.

“I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you,” he started but was interrupted by you waving the jelly out in front of you as you got out of the trailer.

“What’s this?” you demanded, shooting Mackie a glare when he answered for Sebastian before he erupted into laughter, not caring about your murderous look.

“K-Y Jelly.”

Chris at least had the decency to try and hold back his laughter or maybe it just came from knowing you a lot better and liking his head where it was.

“It’s for my arm,” Sebastian tried to explain, making your head snap back to face him. The repulsed look on your face didn’t help Mackie’s laughing fit. But it wasn’t until you spoke that Chris gave up on trying to hold his laughter in, joining Mackie, making Sebastian send his two friends a glare this time.

“It’s… Really Sebastian?! Ew and no!” you hissed at him.

“No honey,” Sebastian carefully took a step towards you holding out his silver metal looking arm. “It’s literally for my arm. To get into this thing.”

Chris and Mackie were now laughing so hard there was a real risk of them falling of their chairs but neither you or Sebastian were paying attention to the two idiots anymore.

“Oh,” all anger drained from your body and you lowered your eyes, feeling embarrassment take over. You weren’t even sure why you had reacted so strongly in the first place but his actual need for the lube just made it all the worse.

Sebastian chuckled pulling you into his arms and you instantly wrapped yours around his waist. He held you to assure you everything was fine. It wasn’t the first time you had gotten irrationally angry at him these past few months and it most likely wouldn’t be the last. Sebastian however, took it like a trooper everytime and always did his best to show you everything was fine once you calmed down.

“I thought you were going to throw it at my face for a second there,” Sebastian joked, making your cheeks heat up even more as you hit your face against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered as he kissed your hair, ignoring Makies playful aww next to you.

“It’s okay. I mean I can always start borrowing Chris’ shield,” Sebastian teased.

“Get your own,” Chris retorted, making you laugh along with Mackie and Sebastian. You still didn’t let go of him though as you let him tug you to sit on his lap as he sat back down. If the pregnancy had to make you an idiot at times, at least you were with an amazing guy. He never held any of your at times irrational outbursts against you and he never dismissed your real anger as hormones. He could tell the difference and was there for you in whichever way you needed him.

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Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes Tag Team

@emilyevanston @sea040561 @petra-arkanian-1497 @serienjunkiegirl @feelmyroarrrr @holyfuckloueh @dolphinpink310 @evansrogerskitten

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@blacktithe7 @valecitainwonderland @badassbaker @petra-arkanian-1497 @grace-for-sale @thinkwritexpress-official @sebbytrash @mariahoedt @jadalecki-jackles @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @esoltis280 @percywinchester27 @unicornblood4ever @mizzezm @yknott81 @thoughtsofdarc @mysupernaturalfics @captainrogerss @caplansteverogers @alwayshave-faith @titty-teetee @jeweline16 @sfreeborn @becs-bunker @docharleythegeekqueen @jamersgang  @v-2bucky @wayward-walker @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @waywardpumpkin  @jennferjareau @primenumberscanbeintimidating @aikibriarrose  @super100012 @thefridgeismybestie @superwholocknda @vodkasindream @cd1242 @scarlettsoldier @angelsandwinchesters @mogarukes @bitchsike1 @tinyfistwarrior @danijimenezv @maui137 @slowlywithfreedom @kimmiestrawberrykiwi @satanwithapencil @girl-next-door-writes @captainradicalpassion @hellaqueerangelofthelord @directionernullneun

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