#THE THOUGHT MAKES ME VOMIT... !

[zuzu-draws]

So after the spoilers for Chap 257 dropped, I saw some tweets clarifying the meaning of the Kanji Sukuna used in the chapter when referring to his mother, and the overall reveals in the chapter got me thinking.

I’m making this post as a way of gathering my thoughts, personal speculations and where I think all of this connects to Sukuna’s character and the information Gege has given us over the years. Nothing I say is by any means new information, but like I said, I’m just collecting my thoughts here. By the way, just a warning, this post contains SPOILERS for the JJK Manga! If you don’t like that, please don’t read this!

Something I’ve noticed is that the theme of “Hunger” and symbolism of “Cooking/Food” is heavily referenced with Sukuna throughout the Manga. Gege in a previous Fanbook has disclosed Sukuna’s favorite Hobby to be “Eating”.

This theme is again very much ingrained within Sukuna’s cursed techniques and even his Domain Expansion, the “Malevolent Shrine”. With his two main techniques being “Dismantle” and “Cleave” are cutting-type attacks. He is also able to use a Flame-Arrow, and Fire is essential for making Food. The Shrine in his Domain Expansion literally has mouths on all sides, looking eager to chew down anything in-front of them!

This symbolism also heavily influences Sukuna’s own manner of speech, and the way he speaks to other characters in the series as well. With his post-fight chat with Jogo before his death, Sukuna mentions Jogo lacking the “Hunger” to take control of his desires, preventing him from reaching the heights of Gojo Satoru. Before the Start of their fight in Shinjuku, Sukuna called Gojo a “Nameless Fish on top of his cutting board”, and that he was going to start by “Peeling off the scales”(refering to Gojo’s infinity). There’s also further symbolism that supports this by analyzing the Kanji and meaning of Sukuna’s “Malevolent Shrine” but I’m not very educated on that so I won’t be opening that point here.

What all of this points to is that Eating and Food……is extremely important to Sukuna, to the point that it literally affects him in manners innumerable.

Eating is an instinct, a necessity for the survival of every single living being.

And In the face of extreme Hunger and starvation, even those with the strongest will could lose their Humanity and revert to the basic animalistic side of their existence. (The Heian Period also had a Famine, although I believe the timing to be a bit off, but do with this info as you see fit)

In JJK Chapter 257, it is revealed to us that Sukuna and his Twin were most likely starving in the womb of their starving mother.

On the brink of starvation, Sukuna had to consume his “other self”(his twin), so that he could survive.

Btw, this tweet and this thread gives additional characterisation to Sukuna:

Link to the original thread: Link.

More context (and reactions :P):

Link to original thread: Here

This reveals to us that indeed, Sukuna was born a twin. And as we all know, “Twins” are seen with extreme scrutiny in Jujutsu Society, they’re not well liked. This too in a period where Cursed Spirits and Jujutsu Sorcery was at its peak, it is not far-fetched to assume that his Mother may not have been treated very well by the people in her surroundings, especially as she bore twins.

When Kashimo asks if Sukuna was born the Strongest or if he made himself the Strongest, this is the response Sukuna gave to him:

When you think about it, how do you think the people around them would have reacted when the woman: who was supposed to birth two twins, gave birth to a single child instead? and that child had consumed his other twin in the womb itself?

No doubt people would’ve been horrified, disgusted and even revulsed. With the woman and her newborn child.

This would’ve led to their further ostracisation in the already very close-minded society. Unable to fend for herself and her newborn child, it must’ve been difficult for Sukuna’s mother to survive. I feel like somewhere along the line, Sukuna was left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age. To protect himself from both Curses and Society alike.

This is why I believe Sukuna knows what true starvation, weakness and hunger feels like. Both in the emotional and literal sense. He was left without another person caring about him or his well-being, in a cut-throat period where it was “Fight or be killed”.

Powerful curses roamed all across Japan, nowhere was safe. Simply be strong, or you'll die. There's no room for weakness. And initially, a kid!Sukuna was weak, as anyone would be in the beginning when they're just starting out in this world. (and maybe, he didn't have much to eat, leading to long periods of starvation? :') )

I believe it is this debilitating hunger, and feeling of weakness that eventually led to Sukuna’s current Hedonistic mindset.

He’s essentially traumatised by it, and believes that it was his own weakness that led him to experience this sheer starvation. That he deserved to feel this way because he was weak then. Perhaps, the people around him were right, that as long as they have the power and strength to overcome anything, they’re free to do as they please; And there is nothing anyone else could do about it.

I feel like the irony here is that Sukuna himself, must’ve been a “weakling” before eventually rising the ranks to become History’s Strongest Sorcerer. This is also why he values Strength so much.

Ultimately, Sukuna has decided that there was nothing more important than being strong enough to fulfill your own desires. And “eating” is one of his most important desires. It’s his favourite thing to do, the one he derives the most pleasure out of. And like an animal, whose main focus is to consume, consume and consume. He too, simply consumes.

Most morals likely have no meaning to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts, what he does, as long as he’s able to get what he wants. And this isn’t limited to eating.

This is why people referring to Sukuna as a “Natural Disaster” is so befitting of him. Because Natural Disasters also don’t care about what or who they’re destroying, they just come and go, wreaking havoc appropriate for their nature and magnitude.

I believe Sukuna himself has said lines similar in nature, when talking to Kashimo:

Now I’m not sure how Sukuna perceives or even experiences this “Love”, because I think he has a rather very warped idea of it. I do think that this definition of love is similar to the one that Gojo also understands, but I don’t think he knows what “love” truly is. I’m not sure how I could comment on this, but I do think that Sukuna’s emotionally starved, whether he realises that or not.

Because, like Kashimo himself asked Sukuna “What is the point of dividing your soul into 20 different parts and then traversing across time if you’re satisfied with this?” we do not know the answer to that yet.

But many people have speculated that “Black Box” panels in JJK manga represent a curse (either self-inflicted or put by someone) on the speaker. Like, take a look over here where Sukuna reiterates the same dialogue, except it looks like he’s trying to reassure himself:

This once again shows that Sukuna has only ever strived for himself, in the same hedonistic fashion, to a very very extreme degree. It is possible that he's been lacking something, and he himself does not realise that he’s lacking it. Maybe it was this subconscious feeling, that led to Sukuna agreeing to Kenjaku’s plan of dividing his soul into 20 different parts, and to traverse across time as a Cursed Object.

Sukuna’s an incredibly complex character, and I’m excited to see where this goes. Gege has put extra care in the way he characterizes and depicts Sukuna, and again, I’m really sad that a lot of that characterization gets lost in translation. Still, I’m going to try my best to understand and get the most accurate feel of his character as I possibly can.

If you made it this far, Thank you for reading! And if you would like, please do leave a comment in the tags or replies because I would love to read what other people think of this and just Sukuna in general. I do not see a lot of people doing critical analysis of him, and a lot of his actions are seemingly swept under the rug. I don’t like that, so hopefully this contributes to people focusing more on Sukuna and his character. (/^v^)/ <3

#ryomen sukuna #jjk sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #sukuna #king of curses #heian era #character analysis #manga #jjk manga #jjk 257 #this is...so very long omg im sorry for my huge word vomit #like 1.4k works but i really did felt like i wanted to gather my scattered thoughts into one place and kind of make the connections #not sure if anyone is gonna read this but if they do #thanks for reading! be sure to let me know what u think! #i just love psycho-analysis of my fav characters and being able to really understand the essence of their characters #their emotions their motivations and to finally be able to do that with Sukuna and reading what everyone else have to say about it ahhh #im super excited! We're finally getting close to the Heian Backlore!! rejoice!! #my gut always did tell me he was a tragic character T_T and now we're finally getting the tid bits #also apologies for adding different panels #but i only added the translations i liked #i don't like J*hn W*rry's translation like yuck #so ima wait for Lightning's translation notes~ for further clarifications!

[strawberrryangel]

“there’s things, there’s people, feelings, that i want to experience differently than i have before, maybe even for the first time.” i’ll throw up. right now.

#‘maybe there’s more to it all than i thought’ #SHAKING HIM BY THE SHOULDERS #HE DIDN’T WANT TO DIE!!!!! #my god. #he literally needed cas so bad i’m crying #today was a good day that’s been taking a turn for the worse but i have this episode playing on the tv #god he makes me insane #destiel makes me insane #destiel #supernatural #spn #spn rewatch #dean winchester #castiel #s10e16 #tw emetophobia #tw vomit #strawbsposts

[rosepompadour]

I had always had a big bust and long, skinny legs — at one time I had wanted to chop a bit off them — and in my netball shorts at school I looked gangly. I always felt top-heavy. But one day at school we were lying around reading and a girl called Paula said, "Your eyes are the color of cornflowers." I thought, How lovely. What a nice thing to say. I didn't have overweening self-confidence, and I don't think any model did. I was flattered when people said or wrote nice things about me, but I saw beautiful girls every day and, compared with people like Jean Shrimpton, I felt I was way down the pecking order. That is the negative side of modeling. You have to look really good to get the jobs, so you put yourself into a situation that feeds your insecurities. If you don't get a job, you think it's because you're not pretty enough. It allows you — in fact, it forces you — to concentrate on your flaws, and that's destructive.

- PATTIE BOYD

#the fact that pattie and jane birkin thought they were plain and jean shrimpton actually referred to herself as ugly is sheer insanity #makes me think of those vomit-inducing girlblogger posts that always pop up: i'm so pretty i'm a real life doll etc etc. #and meanwhile jane birkin is looking in the miror like 'OH WELL i guess i'll have to do' #truly hilarious and sad at the same time #pattie boyd #the beatles #beatlesedit #sixties sweethearts #*

[ahlaway]

Okay, but real talk, if Tubbo goes Federation informant for real / hard manipulation, the other islander's will be at fault.

Hear me out:

From the beginning there has been this like. Really unfair view on Tubbo. His chat is scolded for metagaming (as it should be) but he's also talked down to a lot for not just accepting things.

He won't just accept they're trapped because the older islanders say they've tried and failed. He won't just trust islanders who've been trustworthy in the past (ex Bad) who are no longer acting trustworthy. He's trying the same methods other people have tried because he wasn't there for it.

Any nerfs happen? That's Tubbos fault. Never mind that they were bound to nerf create the moment another big create member joined because how they were using it to break puzzles instead of doing the puzzles.

People are constantly picking and blaming him for things and then saying his suspicious because the federation doesn't do anything about him. Despite the fact that the federation does not give that boy a moment of peace, and have not since he arrived.

Meanwhile people like Bad and Pierre have only just begun to experience the horrors, despite how long they've been breaking the rules and causing trouble.

Then you look at interactions he's had and BOI. From his POV alone I wouldn't blame him if he didn't trust any of these people.

(mandatory this is only referring to RP characters.)

Tubbo is an adult. However, he is BARELY and adult, and that is something that is important to note, and I don't mine saying with his "i'm minor coded" joke. Like, as someone approaching 30 I can't imagine interacting with a 19 year old the same way I would someone near my age. So keep that in mind for my thinking going forward.

He's pulled from the ice and a few days later he's approached by a crazy bear with a gun and the power of create that tells him he HAS to do a task. One that will betray someone he's made friends with and an egg. He tries to refuse and the bear starts shooting.

So he does it, thinking he has no choice.

Then two men, who are like, MVP, highly respected, defenders of the island, tell him he should have just died. In fact, he was selfish for not dying on that hill, and that the father of that egg is going to be FURIOUS with him.

To the point that Tubbo is freaking out when Fit catches him trying to fix what he had to break for his task, and make things right.

Is it any wonder he thought he was capital D dead when he "lost" one of these men's eggs?

Now jump cut.

Boy is pressured by men into spinning a wheel that, lets be honest, probably only had bad outcomes, and then is told it's his fault. HE killed the eggs.

Which leads to local teen burning in lava in a breakdown.

And don't even get me started on the drama that was two men who live in a different zip code losing their minds because local teen does yard renovations.

One of which being someone said teen is convinced kidnapped someone, and has tried to gaslight him about it.

Like, outside of the morning crew, Fred is kind of the best relationship Tubbo's got going for him at the moment.

#qsmp #this is a mess #it's kinda just word vomiting my thoughts #qsmp tubbo #tubbo is both an adult and a teen which makes the treatment he's gotten weird to me #I have many thoughts

[spaciebabie]

good god i need him bad

#SCREAMS #OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD #I KEEP THINKING ABOUT WHAT I DREW AND THEN MORE SCENARIOS SCREAMS #sprigntrap.ouoiuuuiiijh springtrap #I CANT GET OVER THE CLAWS SPRINGTRAP WITH CLAWS OH MY GODD #OH MY GOD??? OH MY GOD #MY MIDN IS GONNA BE TORN APART #MONNIE SENT ME THAT POST AND THEN FUCKED ME UP IMMDIATELY K AFTERWARSDS #I STILL CANT STOP THINKING ABT WHAT SHE TOLD ME IT WAS REALLY FUCKWED UP LIKE WHY #WOULD YOU SAY THAAAAAAAAAAATTT #WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME #im literklakty gona throw up i #YES ITS BEEN DAYS AND IM STILL THINKING ABOUT IT WHAT THE FUCK EVER MAN #springrtap lovongme back???? reaally really fucked up literally why would you say that #NO I SJUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT #NOOOO NONONOO #HJnmnbgjmnnhmhghghgh vomits #spacie spoinks #pls pls pls i nreed to pamper him i need to love on him i need to make him feel the love that i feel towards him and have him #understand what that means #head in hands HEAD IN HANDS

[uwurakax]

ー　死神　♡

halloweenie vibes ig, and im probs not even gonna get one fic out for it ( lmaoo whats new ), so just for spoop, enjoy a smol sakusa drabble, bc i felt like being nice to him :')

(( trigger warning for wanting to unalive, but its not bad, prkmise ))

thinking about grim reaper!sakusa who always watches over you;

you both met centuries ago. where? he can't say. how? he doesn't know. why? he forgot those details long ago. he doesn't even remember his life anymore. what he did, his friends or even his family. but he feels a phantom pain when he thinks about them.. family. he thinks maybe he was close to someone once.. its only natural right? at least before he met you.

he does recall one thing however; you died.

he does relive that, and that pain is real. so vividly he remembers praying, crying out to whatever deity or higher power that may be out there to listen. to not take you away from him. how you never had enough time, and that you were taken too soon.

it was the first time he had cried.

he wouldn't, no, couldn't live without you. the haze and cacophony leading up to his final days as a man, as a human, are not a time sakusa likes to reflect back on. barely existing and the shell of the proud man he once was, he just wanted to be with you.

it was peaceful that day the day he decided to take his own life. it was warm, with the sun shining vibrantly and the gentle breeze to offer a soothing kiss on his skin. it was like you were waiting... happy to be reunited.

he never felt the chill of the ocean below, tripping off of the cliff he was determined to jump from and hitting his head. a show of mercy in the hell he had to endure from being parted from you. painless and quick.

sakusa felt weightless when he awoke. was he still alive?

no, he came to find that he was indeed successful. a voice surrounding him that was everywhere and nowhere at all all but confirmed his passing. it also confirmed it had heard his desperate cries and prayers over you. the voice didn't know why, but it was willing to answer sakusa.

it had the power to bring you back, but it would come at a price.

the higher power would grant you life, but sakusa would be cursed to be undead. a leader of lost souls for the unfortunate.. or perhaps fortunate? to guide them into the afterlife.

it didn't matter what he had to do, as long as you got to live. he all but readily accepted, unknowingly cursing you too.

for life, and existence has a balance. if sakusa was cursed with being eternally dead, then you'd be cursed with eternal life.

but one couldn't live forever of course, humans don't live forever. so the universe found a workaround.

you would live and die, again and again and again. forever reincarnating, just to live and having to die; and all sakusa could do was watch.

as he led more and more souls to find everlasting tranquility, he had to watch yours being forced away from him into a new life that would soon become you.

he was confused the first time it happened, watching your reincarnated first life be born and grow. how you became who you were when you were with him. he was content like this, watching you from beyond. as long as you got to live your life.

you married and had kids in that first life, and he couldn't help but wonder if that could've been you and him. how would life have gone for him if you weren't taken away?

he learned early on what exactly he subjected himself and inadvertently, you to.

no matter how many centuries ago it had been, it still never made it easier, and sakusa had soon come to grow cold and disdainful of the world. of everything, and with noway to undo it, he had to withstand it.

be forced to watch the love of his life live without him, and knowing he was the cause of her never being able to reunite with any of her loved ones.

sometimes you'd die young, too young that sakusa couldn't even beat to glance at your soul. other times you'd live a full and long life. he wished every life you had would be like that, and if he had to pull strings to speed up someones passing for hurting you? he was more than happy to oblige. scum didn't need to live, and he was more than happy to send them to the realm now coined as hell.

he didn't know why he kept up with this self torture, tormenting himself to being so close and yet so far from you. at least he never had to forget your face or your voice; the one constant that never changed.

and so he stood, across the road from the coffee shop you liked to frequent, watching as you lived your life; or at least this one. he could practically smell the pumpkin spice. the seasonal drink that became your favourite autumn beverage two lives ago.

you feel someone staring at you as you thank the barista for your drink, the warm takeaway cup heating up your hands. so you look outside the large pane windows, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.

through your entire life you've felt a presence around you, watching you. you couldn't explain it, but it always felt familiar. familiar and safe. like a guardian angel. as ridiculous as it sounded, you always felt like nothing bad could ever happen, but you couldn't help the sad sigh that spilled from your lips. you really wished you could know who was constantly watching over you.

sakusa didn't mean to come as close as he did, at least not while you were awake. he knew his very being emitted a bitter and crisp air. humans could sense death, even if they couldn't see it. a lost soul wandering the busy streets. sakusa lost his empathy long ago, for it died along with you, but he held is tongue and the urge to roll his eyes at the floating mass. it stopped at the corner of the coffee shop, and he made his way over quickly. practically teleporting, going through cars and people, sending shivers through them as he passed. he didn't care. the sooner he could deal and send the soul into the afterlife, the sooner he could be with you.

he hastily guided them, showing them the welcoming light as it faded away. he never saw it, but even he could feel the blinding affable glow when he led them there.

he was ready to go back across until he heard the recognisable sound of tires screeching. please don't let it be you!

a scene he knew all too well was occurring. it didn't matter how many times he saw it, a heartache felt only hundreds of times. it didn't stop him from trying. even if he tried countless times before, knowing the end result would be the same. sakusa would always try, for you, even knowing it was pointless.

so imagine his shock when he can feel you underneath him, a carnage of vehicles behind him and you looking up at him, actually seeing him whispering

"it's you"

#maybe ill make this into a fic one day lmaoo #omg what the hell #this was way more tragedy then i thought oml lol #also wheres the spook? i thought this was supposed to be spooky #just me doing word vomit blegh #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq!! x reader #sakusa x you #sakusa x reader #sakusa x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu drabbles #sakusa drabble

[pickled-flowers]

Some of you have never been the friend that No-one listens to and it shows

#hey. makes sure your friends get to finsih their thoughts #make sure theyre heard #it is so obvious when im in a group and someone wants to speak but doesnt get the chance #to see my own friends be the ones speaking over others is heartbreaking #there is a special awareness that comes with being unwanted in a group #its painful to know that if i wasnt so outspoken i too would not be heard #if i didnt look the way i did if i was a little less nice and concilient noone would want me around either #anyways #make sure noone is walking behind on the narrow sidewalk #makes sure everyone gets to express their thoughts and opinion #like idk. people see me as cool most times but thats just not the truth #how many times have i been the cool person until that coolness turns out to be something else entirely? #im not cool i am apathetic #sorry for this word vomit im feeling things rn

[analogoose]

Been thinking about this scene a lot. How it echoes their conversation from before.

A response. A solution to what Beatrice told her. Ava, who was so against dying—because death is not a reward, just an empty chasm that renders everything meaningless—now prepared to lay down her life if it means Beatrice gets to rest, if it means that the war inside Beatrice’s head will stop.

Beatrice, who is bound by duty but finds her heart pulled in another direction. Who might want to run with Ava but can’t. She’s a Sister Warrior. Her duty is to the Halo and its Bearer. So she will tell Ava to run, because that is the best way to protect her. To protect the mission.  Because that is the only way both of her goals align. As long as the Halo remains safe, so does Ava.

But it also means that she can’t join Ava. Her Sisters are dying. She has a duty to the Order. To her mission (protect the Halo, protect Ava) and so she will watch over from afar. She may not be ready, but she is prepared.  

But Ava is not. Ava, who will not leave unless Beatrice is by her side. If she runs, Beatrice will run herself ragged, spending every waking minute to keep everyone safe. Beatrice, who will never get a chance to live her life because she spent that time making sure Ava could live. And Ava doesn’t want that. Not unless they do it together.

So Ava chooses. Chooses the mission for Beatrice. Breaks away first, obscures her true plan until the very last minute. (But Beatrice still finds her. Beatrice, who will always follow Ava. Always by her side until the very end.)

To be a Halo Bearer is to be a martyr. Ava rejected this fate until the very end. And even after that. Choosing to go into the portal, choosing to be separated from Beatrice so that they may both live.

Since the very beginning, Ava knows she has been living on borrowed time. But god damn it, she’s going to steal as much of it as she can.

Ava chooses to go through the Arc and Beatrice chooses to let her go. Both strengthened by their faith in the other, because they will always find their way back to each other.

Ava has never gone somewhere that’s kept Beatrice from following. Even now.

#okay so this may have gotten away from me a little bit #hope it makes sense #but the word vomit just comes out and what are u supposed to do #feeling the Pain today folks #have so many thoughts on the choices ava and bea made this season #godd #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #warrior nun #warrior nun s2 #warrior nun spoilers #wn spoilers #wn analysis #goose speaks

[thaliasthunder]

do you guys imagine nico being taller, smaller or the same height as u?

#nico's like 15-16 rn right? #so i think he'd be like 1.70m-1.75m canonically #having in consideration boys's usual height #but- 🤮🤮🤮😭😭😭😭 #IDK I CANT IMAGINE NICO BEING TALLER THAN ME #IM PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO DO THAT #LIKE THE SOLE THOUGHT LF NICO BEING LIKE ONLY 2 INCHES TALLER THAN ME MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM AND CRY AND VOMIT AND SCR #so no <3 #in my mind he's 1.67m at best <3 #not more <3 #but mostly i imagine him bring like 1.63m bc im 1.64m #being* fuck #nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #percy jackson #jason grace #pjo/hoo #rick riordan #riordanverse #hazel levesque #piper mclean #leo valdez

[socialistexan]

Don't you fucking dare, rat.

#the thought of an mcu'd doctor who makes me want to vomit

[homielander]

the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.

here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.

i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)

it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.

assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.

maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.

#sorry for this word vomit i have just been thinking about maeve! what's in a name... #motivated by 2 years of reading takes about maeve wanting to be a normie (during s1-3 and prior) that i don't rly agree with #i'm not offering this as the 'right' interpretation of course this is just what makes sense for me!! #i have a couple of things i wanted to add (particularly re: maeve x HL since i know how consensual their relationship was #is controversial and i feel a bit weird slipping in that characterization of it w/o any follow-up) #but for now i am just going to say it fits with how i perceive her character trajectory and leave it there?? #because i don't want to disrupt this post my thoughts on that #i also have mixed feelings on her ending but again not the post for it i suppose #queen maeve #the boys #maeve x elena #maeve x homelander #annie x maeve #supe names in this show are interesting... curious to see what they will do w annie next season

[thegeekyartist]

"Because you and Mr. Fell don't ever talk to each other... You never say what you're really thinking."

I know Nina and Maggie are talking about Aziraphale and Crowley's romantic feelings here, but I think it goes so much deeper than that. Crowley and Aziraphale are both so good at assuming the other person just knows what the other has been through. They never give the reasons for the huge decisions they make for the sake of one another because they assume that the other person will just immediately understand their reasoning.

Crowley never told Aziraphale about what Gabriel said before casting "Aziraphale" into hellfire. He didn't tell him about Armageddon 2.0 or The Book of Life. In fact, he didn't tell him any of the things he learned about Gabriel in Heaven.

Crowley doesn't trust Gabriel to be in the shop again - why would he? But Aziraphale doesn't even understand just how personal it is to him because Crowley never told him.

Crowley is too afraid to do a single thing that could harm "the peaceful, fragile existence" he's carved out for the both of them, that he never gives Aziraphale the full picture! He gives enough information that allows the two of them to continue living in the same manner they always have - working well together to save the day while avoiding the big fucking whale in the room.

Even after Maggie and Nina's intervention, Crowley still isn't saying what he really wants to say! It's why he doesn't outright say "I love you" to Aziraphale, even if to him it's clear! He's trying to lay everything out on the table while essentially saying "it'll be just the two of us, just as it's always been and everything will be fine."

And Aziraphale is no better.

Every. Choice. He. Makes - he does so with Crowley in mind. Even before The Beginning, we see him try to protect Crowley, to get him to stop asking questions so he doesn't get hurt.

Aziraphale has always believed Crowley to be good, and he knows how miserable he was in Hell after he Fell. It's pretty clear both in the first and second seasons that Aziraphale doesn't see Crowley as a "true" demon - he's always been a good angel with the wrong title.

It's why he's constantly trying to get Crowley to admit that he's nice, that he cares - he's saying that he knows who Crowley is on the inside, and wants to help him regain the status he once had so that he can act on these feelings without punishment.

And yes, I believe Aziraphale includes their love for one another in that.

So when the Metatron tells Aziraphale that he could reinstate Crowley's angelhood, that he could give Crowley back everything he once had AND stay by his side - of course that's what finally convinces him to say yes.

But Aziraphale never explains any of this to Crowley. He expects that Crowley will understand, that he'll know that Aziraphale is doing all of this for him - to allow him to ask the questions and make the changes he's been talking about from the moment they met.

It's why the "nothing lasts forever" hurts even more. To Aziraphale, it means, "I don't need the bookshop if I can be with you and make you happy again", but to Crowley, he's saying "We were never going to last, no matter what we did."

If they just talked to each other, none of this would be happening!

I'm gonna fucking scream.

#this got so long #I know this is word vomit but I have so many Thoughts bouncing around right now #they make me physically ill I love them sm #good omens #good omens meta #good omens spoilers #good omens s2 #good omens s2 spoilers

[8rujaa]

i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something

#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy #i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever #i’ve made so much progress #looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t #i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain #i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months #i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for #i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was #and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace #i know i thought about offing myself multiple times #i don’t know what kept me alive… #i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed #i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable #and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment #as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future #this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take #anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭 #brain vomit

[crystallizsch]

hi ian i come bearing angst fuel for the yuusha as twsted elsa (maybe an idea for her possible overblot idk she kinda reads to me as someone whod preemptively isolate in the case she feels...blotty)

(also seeing that art of her playing violin totally didnt fuck me up im still nursing my bruised heart 🥴🥴💕💕)

https://youtu.be/NDldNaEZTt8?si=Wm71pgTltuJLjFvk

^^this is from the frozen musical where they gave a song to elsa to explore her emotional turmoil and it just fleshed out her character so much more than the orig movie (ok i havent seen frozen 2 oops) but just this section here:

Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive?

Was I a monster from the start?

How did I end up with this frozen heart?

Bringing destruction to the stage

Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage

anyways lmao i jus think the song is neat i think yuushas neat (i wanna see more of her ahehehe i love seeing infodumps abt ur yuus)

-diodellet

(throwback to this “what if yuu had magic” ask where i had a ✨realization✨ and this more recent yuusha lore drop that i gave zero elaboration on 🙃)

very rough ob yuu design??? idk i came up with it on the spot ;;; and it’s kinda based on disney’s concept art of elsa when she was supposed to be the villain.

evil ice queen vibes :3

also i know the ob monster is supposed to be based on the villain— which is elsa in this case— but lowkey. an ice monster is way cooler.

also also i just realized after i drew this i couldve done a grim/yuu tandem overblot ough 🤧🤧 (next time I'll do that instead if i ever go back to this concept)

(read more below because it got SO long)

AAH anyways hi hi dio!!! when i saw your ask i went —

— with this entire post

AAGH HOW MANY MORE UNINTENTIONAL CONNECTIONS ARE GOING TO BE BETWEEN FROZEN AND YUUSHA

i guess watching the movie everyday when it came out when you’re like 9 does something to your brain chemistry (and still haunts you at least a decade later) 💀

but anyways the angst ;;; overblot yuu ;;;;; my brain is rotting and the worms have taken over

also i didn’t even know that there was a frozen broadway musical so im gonna have to check it out later 🏃💨💨💨

(also dont worry frozen 2 is a nice watch for the most part but the way they concluded the characters did not feel 100% satisfying to me 😭 BUT i love some of the songs tho ;;; kristoff’s goofy 80s ballad song is one of them specifically, i need everyone to listen to it)

hfgnnfhfgv anyways thank you so much i’m chugging that angst fuel as i expand more on a possible ob yuusha with another infodump 💪💪💪

⚠️⚠️⚠️ ALSO IM SORRY BUT mentions of taking one’s own life so please proceed with caution ⚠️⚠️⚠️

i had to reread what my initial thoughts about it bc it was months ago??? and after rereading im just like, huh what was i on— (just that feeling when you just cringe at your old posts ;; but idk i think the insanity/cringe sometimes can loop back into being a genius and the cycle just continues)

anyways i’ve been on and off writing yuusha’s bio and overblot yuu was just at the back of my mind chilling but i didn’t really do anything with it.

but now that i have the opportunity,,,, im gonna go on the magicless route this time bc i feel like I've said all what i thought if it was an overblot due to her own magic.

so uh from what i gather overblots are a mix of overuse of magic + intense negative emotion.

since it’s magicless yuu, i guess the one of the general headcanons around the fandom is that they’ve been too exposed to overblots and then intense negative emotions suddenly just triggered their overblot.

uh anyways onto the elsa parts

Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive? Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage

THE LYRICS ARE SO GOOD ;;; i really love how some broadway interpretations expand on the source material

and yeah you're right 🤧🤧🤧— yuusha would try to hide and escape, especially as she overblots bc she would try to avoid hurting people (and like elsa, it'd only hurt others more trying to escape bc of probably how she leaves destruction in her wake trying to make others stay away from her 😔)

(this is a small tangent but i remember thinking about an overblot kalim and i imagine him to be similar, like he would not hurt anyone intentionally in his overblot.)

anyways so the way it would go is that i imagine her friends got fatally injured either because a) she feels that she’s too “useless” without magic to help and wasn’t able to do anything OR b) her attempts at helping to try and prove that she can help without magic made everything worse.

and then she just goes into a guilty spiral then boom — overblot.

ALSO in the song, the way elsa briefly contemplated taking her own life but then realizing there’s no guarantee that would solve anything hnghgh (<- another unintentional parallel to my yuusha lore because that’s actually how she ended up in twst except she did NOT have the latter realization)

there’s this “yuu is dead” theory i’m just using and that the black carriage actually just caught yuusha’s soul after she took her own life from all the burden.

also some bonus angst context for that violin post :3

yuusha back in her homeworld is raised and known to be a gifted musician. people can feel the life and soul in her music but when people interact with her, they are usually met with an ice-cold (heh) personality.

the dead family member was the one who taught her music and the only one who was kind to her.

there’s always an expectation from her family to perform well and to keep up appearances as to not be a humiliation since anything she does can reflect on her entire family. (also hi, slight yuusha/jamil parallels maybe???)

the way she presents herself also stemmed from an incident as a child when she went apeshit on another kid bc she was defending a friend.

so from then on she was taught taught to conceal don’t feel those emotions — which just unfortunately extended to any positive ones, not just negative ones like rage.

so when she is brought to twst, there’s no memory of her being forced to hold back her emotions so she’s just unapologetically affectionate and open with everyone bc that’s how she really is.

but every now and then, memories of her breaking down haunt her in her dreams or as subtle reminders in the waking world.

then yuusha just goes on her day like she just wasn't reminded of her past.

(unnecessarily tragic lore my beloved, but anyway—)

another extremely brief tangent and bonus -> the two songs i had on loop while drawing pre-twst yuusha

lindsey stirling my beloved i love her music

the songs are such a vibe

her instrumentals in “lose you now” especially makes me feel some sort of way 😖

#AHH THIS IS /SO/ LONG #THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IM GIVEN THE CHANCE TO RAMBLE #but thank you for the ask dio!! 🤧🤧 #it makes me so happy to hear you like yuusha 😭💕💕 #this also took a bit because i needed to like #actually turn all these thoughts into actual coherent words #and for them to actually. make sense together. #idk im proofreading this myself during the gamer hours of midnight hfdjslkf #i sure /hope/ they do make sense for the most part because this is pure massive brain vomit #[— #(💜) yuusha #✦ asks #★ my art #☆ oc rambles #—] #at this point too i’m sticking to the twst elsa concept #it just felt weird admitting it bc i have a history with this movie and its fandom in general #kids would ask you “whos your favorite disney princess it cant be elsa” bc everyone would pick her so i'd have to pick another </3 #she was too famous and therefore too obvious and basic #not to mention “let it go” was EVERYWHERE and it did become annoying at one point 😭 #the fandom around frozen back then was v questionable too ngl and i was also in that hole for a bit so it's just /ack/ #but rewatching the movie i realize how elsa kinda speaks to me hgjkdsjfaljsd #i could lowkey highkey rant more about her but anyways #imma be an elsa defender and apologist for as long as i am able

[goldkirk]

I'm taking a survey--I'd love to talk about thoughts for Shutterbug Series and the magic Tim series on here, but I also don't want to spoil the story or future events for people.

Do you feel okay with me just talking about whatever I want even if it's spoilers or even if I don't end up writing it?

Or would it really make it hard for you if I was on here posting potential spoilers at random?

Would you be okay with it IF I had a separate tag for just-thoughts-and-ramblings like "shutterbug braindump" that you could blacklist?

#polls #shutterbug series #coraline au #i didn't have this concern back when i was writing latchkey because it was just so fast and not a lot of people had found and read it yet #and certainly not many followed me on here #but now I know a good number of people do and I don't want to just subject people to my brain dump writing vomits without consent haha #my audience has evolved from what it previously was #i want to make sure i evolve my habits/boundaries with that if necessary too #2024 #gold thoughts #i'm going to try to create a new tag to see if i'm still capable of creating new tagging habits i won't forget forever #it's an experiment

[lunar-years]

Do you think Roy was the first partner Keeley ever had to ask to give her more space? Like. I know there was a lot going on there, because Roy was giving her a frankly unsustainable amount of his time if they were ever going to have friends and lives outside of each other. But I also think of how quickly she jumped to "are you leaving?" at the end of the episode and her stated abandonment issues and the fact that she could tell everyone else around them but still couldn't tell Roy--probably, again, because she was that terrified he'd leave her immediately for daring to request it.

I just think there's something super interesting in there about Keeley, and her inability to ask for something basic like space in a relationship, and the way that perhaps sheds some additional light on all her previous relationships, too. Like, we're meant to believe I think that Roy was her first truly serious adult relationship (and I do think Jamie fell into the gray space between casual and committed tbh, but that's another discussion), and everyone she dated before was just a litany young fit footballers who made for a good shag and had a lot of disposable income. But then, it also feels deliberate to have someone like Shandy come in as sort of the "stereotype" ~what Keeley could have been~ character and have her state she's already gotten married and divorced from a rich footballer. (plus, I'm pretty sure someone told me once a lot of irl young players get married very young).

So it just makes me think about Keeley deliberately picking relationships where 1) space was sort of built-in, because at the very least these footballers were going off to training and hanging with their mates and taking trips to away matches. 2) but she always has someone to keep her company when she wants it, because Keeley is definitely a serial monogamist who struggles I think very much with being single 3) she has enough security to think they won't leave her, because she knows she makes good arm candy and good fun and can play the part of a wag like no other. 4) she can break it off before it gets to the point of hasty marriage proposals (I think in the scene in jamie's kitchen it's sort of implied she's historically done most of the breaking up)

I know this has been super rambly with no clear point, lol, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I think the "you've got to leave before you get left" mentality is actually one she and Roy share. And I think she really might hate herself for needing space from Roy, because with him it's the first time she feels like she's sort of gotten over her inability to have a serious relationship and not want to run from it. her going around telling everyone but Roy she wants him to leave her alone sometimes, is, maybe unconsciously, a sort of "trial run" to see how people react and to determine if she's asking too much here like she thinks she is, and if he's going to up and leave her if she tells him this. obviously that's no excuse for what was really quite poor/immature behavior, but it helps it make more sense to me.

#i realize this barely makes sense even i do not fully know what i am trying to say lol #this is just me writing the thought vomit all down to try and make sense of it #keeley jones i am begging you to go to therapy #keeley jones #ted lasso #roykeeley