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simpingcowboy · 1 year

Text

Not a Meet-Cute

Pairing: Young(er)!Joel Miller x AFAB!Reader, no gendered language, reader is characterized as a hopeless romantic

Word Count: 6.5k+

Warnings: SMUT!! Angst!! Lots of feelings on both ends, light gun use, slightly meta, language, implied age gap, references to masturbation, outdoors sex, oral (F receiving), protected PIV sex, gratuitous use of pet names

Summary: About 5 years since the outbreak, a group of smugglers come across your camp looking to trade. Despite your efforts, this was not a meet-cute. (Basically reader and Joel fucking the feelings out of each other)

A/N: There is a AMAB!Reader version of this available here! This definitely escaped me, but I'm very happy with the way it turned out <3 enjoy!

It began as all good "love" stories do, with loaded guns pointed at each other. He had arrived the day before. A handsome stranger among the crowd of smugglers that happened upon your camp. Though their initial arrival was quite dramatic, a two hour standoff happening before trade negotiations were met, things had actually been quite calm since they came. They were allegedly making their way to the Boston QZ, though of course you had no way to prove that.

Most of them were quite polite. Some are even friendly. The younger Miller brother Tommy for example, was very talkative. Though frequently being pulled back by his older brother, Joel. That was the one who caught your eye from the moment he walked into town.

Tall. Handsome. Looked around forty. A few grey hairs grew in from his temples and dotted along this beard. He was cold. Quiet. Definitely the muscle of the group. His accent was deeper than his brother's. Richer.

Later in the night, after his group had gotten settled in an old warehouse, people began trading. Their low to mid level goods set out on the ground. The much better items tucked away behind them for safe keeping. You stop by, curious as to what these outsiders had and secretly hoping to catch sight of the older Miller brother. You spot him. Standing off in a corner with a woman. You approach slowly, not wanting to seem eager. They greet you with a silent nod as you look over the goods they had.

"What's that?" You ask the woman, gesturing to a book they've laid out.

"A book." She says with a shrug. Books weren't exactly high rate items. Common, but scattered to the winds.

"What kind?" You ask, intrigued by the cover. The front features a handsome man, a halfway unbuttoned shirt on. Shoulder length hair looking wind blown.

"A romance novel. It's not really my taste but-"

"I'll take it." You interject.

Joel raises an eyebrow at your interest. He'd been trying to tell Tess to just drop the damn thing if she was done reading it. Insisting it was worthless. No one trades for books. Words he'd surely be eating later tonight.

"We just got a bunch of medical supplies in. Tell them I said you can have three of whatever you want." You say, clearing the book off the ground.

Your love of romance wasn't exactly a secret around here. Over the past five years you'd grown fond of the genre. You hadn't exactly had a whole lot of dating experience when the outbreak happened. Being too young to really get to experience much of life at all. But you had these books. Had some idea of what life might have been like before. Bumping into handsome strangers in the grocery store. Or coffee shops. All the typical meet-cute story lines. All the things you knew you'd never have.

Under the protection of the barely functional streetlight outside your apartment, you peacefully read the new romance novel you'd gotten when a low grumble interrupts you. Looking up from the tattered book pages you see the familiar stranger. Joel.

"The book." He says, lips pouted down at you.

"Yes?" You answer, your own eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Why?"

"Why?" You repeat. "I just like them." You answer defensively.

"It's not real, ya know." He states boldly. Though you can't help but feel an edge of sadness at his proclamation.

"They're marked fiction for a reason." You say, tapping the spine of the book labeling it as such.

The man grunts in response. "They only cause problems for people." He tries to reason. "You read it enough and you start believin'." It happened with Tess. She read as many as she could get her hands on. At first it was endearing…in a way. Then she began to give him that look. Of expectation. Of desire.

You couldn't exactly understand why this stranger cared. He'd hardly spoken a word in this town, but decided to waste his breath lecturing you for your choice in literature. It didn't make his words sting any less. But you wouldn't let him know that. "I don't know…this would make for a pretty good book, huh? Meeting under the street light, on an empty street. Pretty romantic if you ask me."

"Weird. The word you're looking for is weird." He corrects you. Annoyance laced through his voice.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say." You wave him off.

The man rolls his eyes and walks away, considering it a lost cause.

Maybe, you think to yourself, this is the start of something. You smile to yourself, a plot forming in your mind. It'd take some sleuthing…but you could deal him an offer. Something vague so he doesn't hold any expectations. And you knew just the place to do it.

That's how you ended up, squatted behind the forest line outside of the warehouse. You'd correctly figured they'd hold a night watch, in case you were not as friendly as you appeared. The letter you'd slip him in hand. You drift in and out of sleep, listening in for a change of voices. Then, Joel. You hear that sweet Texas accent through the creaky warehouse doors. He's awake now and has taken watch duty. After a few minutes, waiting for the prior watch guard to fall asleep you quietly approach the main door. Sliding the folded letter under the small gap in the door before running out of sight.

Now, you just had to wait for tomorrow.

You got up early to wash before heading out to the disclosed location. Just up the side road was an old abandoned barn, long forgotten about even before the outbreak. Surrounding the miles around it were the tall dried stalks of corn. It was one of your favorite places nearby. The best place to go to be left alone. Though, today you were hoping to be joined by Joel Miller.

So you waited, shaded under the overarching roof of the barn. A long shadow appears along the edge of the barn. You stand up gun in hand, not wanting to be too careless. The mysterious shadow narrows down as they get closer. Eventually revealing Joel Miller to be its owner.

"You came!" You say cheerfully, a bright smile on your face. Quickly packing your gun back to your side.

"Yeah, I came." His brown eyes are sharp like a hawk as he slowly moves in closer. Keeping vigilant of every rustle for a possible ambush. "I believe you have something for me?" He asks, getting straight to the point.

"Kind of." The air is still.

"Go on." He prompts you, looking expectedly at your bag.

You shake your head, body full of nerves. This is nothing like the books you think to yourself. "Well I, it's not so much of a something. More like a someone."

"What the hell are you getting at?" He just short of growls out at you. Eyebrows pinched together in annoyance. This is a waste of time, he thinks.

"I just thought you were handsome!" You spit out, face going hot with embarrassment. You're not nearly as smooth as those romance protagonists in your books "I was hoping we could work something out…" Your voice comes out much meeker than intended.

"Like what? You want me to court you or something?" Joel shakes his head, unbelieving the scene before him. "Yeah- not happening." As he turns on his heels, you reach out to stop him.

Taking his shoulder in your hand, "We can fuck." You spit out quickly. For a moment, you swear someone else's voice comes out.

That stops him. Dead in his tracks. Voice catching in his throat. Hands flex at his sides. Slowly, he turns back around. Dark brown eyes locked onto your face. He needs to have misheard you. Needs you to take it back.

"You want me to fuck you?" He says, slow and dangerous.

Your hand snaps back to it's place by your side. "I mean only if you want to I-?' you answer with a tilt of your head. Mindlessly stepping back from the man before you.

Wordlessly he grabs you. Hands catching your forearms, forcing you still for him. "There's no teasing in the goddamn apocalypse, Kid. You're either offering or you're not." His breath is heavy. Chest rising and falling drastically. "I'll ask you again." His large hands fall from your arms. "You want me to fuck you? Yes or no?" No, he thinks, please say no.

"Yes." You swallow your nerves, or pride. In truth it's hard to tell which is which.

Joel feels himself go lightheaded. His mouth is parched. He fends off the image of you below him spread wide and taking him. He has to do this right. "Do you have condoms or something because I'm not-"

"I have some!"

With the roll of his eyes, Joel goes to scold you, but you stop him before he can even start.

"Give me a second." Throwing your bag off, you reach into the innermost pocket. Tucked away safely between the edges of a notebook is a roll of condoms, about six in total. "Here." You say, tossing them to him.

He catches them with ease. "Where did you get those?" Joel's eyebrows pinch together at the sight of a condom.

"We raided a clinic awhile ago and I um grabbed some in-case I needed them…"

"Shit, should've grabbed the whole box." He scoffs. Contraceptive methods had been one of the first things after medical supplies to grow scarce. Looking over the wrapped condom for the date, Joel's surprised to see it's still good to use. The older man chews at the inside of his cheek. His eyes drift over your body, languishing his will power. His mind searching for a reason to say no. To do what he knows he should do and turn you down. Never should have come here in the first place. But fuck- the sight of you gets him harder than he's been in years. "Fine." He says flatly, caving into his own desires. The roll of condoms thrusts back towards you for keeping. "Where?"

You fiddle with the roll of condoms, haphazardly putting them back in your bag. In truth, you had expected him to say no. "I figured here is good."

"Here?" He remarks, hands on his hips. Glaring around the dead field, the dried corn stalks lining the perimeter around the barn did offer some privacy. The ground was flat and not too dusty. Though he's sure even the pathetic cots you each slept on would be more comfortable than this. "Why not in the barn?"

"The whole thing is rotted…it's practically a death wish to even try to open the door."

"Jesus." He swears under his breath.

"I can lay my jacket down? Or go get a blanket-" You offer with an unassured smile.

"No." Joel's quick to cut you off. "We'll use mine." He says, shucking his thick jacket off his broad shoulders. "Yours is too nice for this." He huffs, kneeling down besides you and rolling his jacket out as wide as possible. Brown eyes meet yours from where he kneels. His eyes look down to the makeshift bed, if it can even be called that. "Well?" He prompts you. A part of him is hoping you run. For you to change your mind. To stop him from making another in a long run of follies.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Your lungs are as parched as the dusted ground beneath you. You want to frown. You want to feel ashamed. Or embarrassed. Or another other than the hot throbbing between your thighs. But you don't. Years of yearning for romance. For love. Boiled down to the base desire to just be wanted.

The jacket you wore peels from your skin, and is tossed to the side with your bag. Your knees hit the ground with a soft thud, as you shift to lie down onto Joel Miller's jacket. The hem of your shirt riding up just enough to feel the delicate threads of the cost against your back. His warm brown eyes blow out as he watches. Suddenly, it doesn't matter whether he loves you or not. He wants you. And that'll be enough for now.

"Well?" You return the question.

"Fuck." He practically groans. Large hands finding their way to your waist; unbelieving he's being allowed to touch you. "Let me get you ready." Joel shifts between your legs, working your bottoms off. Fingers hooked into the waistband of the garment.

You watch for a moment, fixated on the flurry of movements Joel makes. Noting just how good he looks between your legs. Just as he groans at the reveal of your underwear, you pause. "Aren't you gonna kiss me first?" A warm tinge heats your cheeks. A touch of romance wouldn't hurt, right?

He freezes. Eyes shooting up to meet your gaze. Fuck. He's way out of practice. "Do…you want me to kiss you?" He asks with uncertainty. It's been so long since he's had this. Someone to touch. To hold.

"Yes?" You answer with a hitch of your voice. "If that's okay."

He swallows. The Adam's apple of his neck bobbing. Kissing usually comes first, right? "Yeah…" you don't miss the way his voice quivers. "Yeah- come here."

With that, his hands return to your waist. His broad frame arching over you to reach your lips. He moves slowly. So unlike the quick pace he'd adapted moments earlier. His right arm curls up around you, supporting your back. That beautiful arched nose bumps against yours in a graceless manner; you suppress the urge to laugh at just how awkward he is at this. You hear his breath hitch in his throat. Joel's eyes flutter shut as he closes in the short distance, pressing a short peck to your lips. Pulling away before you even get to sink into the plushness of his lips. Arms unwrap around you, switching to being propped on either side of your head. His eyes are wide and nervous. He looks like a schoolboy who just kissed someone for the first time.

"I'm sorry." Joel whispers above you. That smooth Texas accent soothing the injury to your ego. He didn't want to pull away. It felt good. Too good. Too close. Too intimate. Too much of all the things Joel has run from since the outbreak.

"It's okay…" you murmur. Deciding to mask your disappointment with humor, "You're not that quick with the rest of it, right?"

He huffs, a small smile on his face. "Let's hope not." Fingers dip back along your waistband, "Let me take care of you."

With the nod of your head, Joel is back again. Sitting on his hunches between your legs, shifting your bottoms off. A groan escaping him at the sight of your underwear. His mouth watering at the small wet stain building along the interior. After fully freeing you from the contrates on your bottoms and setting them aside; Joel leans in close and inhales. Letting the scent of you linger in his lungs. Letting it intoxicate him. You silently thank yourself for remembering to shower earlier.

The flat of his tongue presses through the threadbare panties into your folds. Making the sizable wet mark grow even larger.

"Fuck-" you whine, hips bucking against his mouth at the contact.

His mouth is so warm against you. Instantly making your whole body go hot. The unabashed moan he lets out gets you so fucking aroused. He peers up at you from between your thighs, a look of satisfaction obvious in his eyes. Thick fingers wiggle their way to the side of your panties, playing with the hem. Barely dancing over the edge of your cunt. You let out a whine, grinding up against his face again.

"Need it bad, huh?" He teases.

As much as he enjoys teasing you, Joel can't deny himself anymore either. Fingers hook into the waistband of your panties and make quick work of removing them. His mouth drops as he's greeted with the sight of your bare cunt, glistening in the afternoon sun. You watch as he rubs over the growing bulge in his pants. Eyes focusing on the large length barely concealed under the thick denim. His hands spread your thighs wide, wanting a fuller look.

You whimper when his hand makes contact with your cunt. Spreading your lips apart to see you even better. A sudden wave of self-consciousness hits you. The open air makes you feel so vulnerable. A cool breeze wafting over your most sensitive parts. Shadows trick your eyes, feeling as if someone is watching. You whine, pressing against Joel's hands to close your thighs.

Never one to miss things, Joel catches the way your eyes dart around the open space. Sensing your sudden hesitation. "No one else will see you but me." Joel assures you. "It's just us." His hands rub the length of your thighs with great affection. "I can go look-"

You shake your head, comforted enough by his own confidence. He has a way of speaking that puts you at ease. "No, I'm okay now. Please, touch." You plead, pulling one of his hands back over your heated core.

Joel groans at the feel of your wet pussy. His thumb rolling over your throbbing clit. "It's alright, Sugar." The nickname extracting itself from his memory of a time before. A time when you greeted one another with politeness instead of with the end of a gun. "I'll take care of ya." He promises, leaning down to lick a stripe along your folds. Moaning at the taste of your unfiltered wet sex.

His tongue is strong. Forcing its way between your folds. Pressing heavy against your clit, flicking up on the sensitive nub. Joel is slow to start. Still adjusting on the ground where he lays. Mind spinning around how the hell he got here, but unable to deny the persistent throb in his pants. His tongue draws soft shapes on your clit, causing another rush of slick to escape you.

"Joel." You whine beneath him, hips rolling up against his mouth. It was good. But you needed more. Needed him to devastate you. "More." You plead.

With that he begins to devour you. Jaw unhinged and pressed over your wet cunt. nt. That beautiful arched nose rubbing over the top of your sex as his tongue eagerly laps at the warm slick dripping out of you. Eyes still fixated on your face, watching it contort with pleasure. Though his eyes burn hot through you, Joel ensures there’s no time for you to be self conscious with the manner in which he hastily matches you, moan for moan. Enjoying the raptures of your cunt as much as you enjoy his tongue. Each moan of his sending waves of vibrations through you.

“Taste so good,” He groans into you “like fucking honey”. Face pressed into your sex. Hands stationed on either side of your thighs, propping you open for his enjoyment. Joel fucking missed this. As he pulls from you to catch his breath, you’re greeted with a sinful sight. A layer of your slick glimmers off his mustache and around his beard. His pretty nose and lips glisten with it too. Joel looks so good covered in you.

You moan with each roll of his tongue on you. Letting out a shameless cry of his name when he plunges his hot wet tongue inside of you, breaching the walls of your sex. Fucking you hard and fast with his tongue. His thick fingers digging even harder into your thighs. That tight band in your core threatening to snap. Your hand goes to entwine in his short messy hair, needing back some of that control. Holding his head still, as you grind up against his open mouth. The need to cum rapidly grows within you.

“Close! S-so fucking close!” you tell him.

Joel shakes your hand off his head, knowing just what you need to make you snap. “Cum for me.” he demands.

Strong hands push your legs up, forcing you even more open for him. Wet slick covered lips wrap around your throbbing clit and suck harshly. Eyes once more fixated on your face, needing to watch you cum for him. Just as he sucks, the band snaps. Your legs shake on either side of Joel’s face as you find your own euphoria. The feeling of cumming on his tongue is so superior to any orgasm you’ve had on your own since your last partner. Your body caught in a pulsing heat, releasing waves of slick down over his chin and down onto his jacket beneath you.

“Too much, too much-” you whine, sitting up and nudging his face off of you.

But it’s not enough for Joel. He’s waited too long and worked too hard to give up his prize that easily. He growls at you, moving his face back to your sensitive cunt, “Wait.” he commands sternly. Leaning back into your entrance and diving in to collect your delicious cum. “Taste too good.” His tongue presses in at the bottom of your entrance, and he fucking slurps you. Taking in everything you have to offer and swallowing it down. A happy sigh comes from the man between your legs, blowing a soft huff of air over your sensitive cunt. Brown glossy eyes peer up to see you, almost like he forgot you were even there. Reality catches him in it’s cruel grasp again as he remembers, He shouldn’t be here.

You work to catch your breath, still recovering from your orgasm. Mind blurred and pliable with desire. Everything you’ve ever read before paled in comparison to the real life man still situated between your thighs. You want to hold him. To kiss him. Really kiss him. But mostly at this moment, you want to make him feel good too.

“Come here,” you beckon him. “Want you.” You turn to reach for your bag, digging out the roll of condoms and tear one free. When you return to face him, you expect him to be tearing away his clothes. Instead, he sits in silence. Resting back up on his haunches. Breathing heavy. “Joel?”

It’s not too late to stop. Not too late to pull away. He tells himself, hoping you’re satisfied enough to want to stop. Hoping to save you from himself.

“Joel?” you begin.

Don’t ask. He silently pleas.

“Will you-”

Don’t ask again.

“Please” your arms wrap around his neck.

If you ask again.

“Please fuck me?”

He can’t deny you.

“Yes.” he answers warmly. So unlike the first time you asked. His head leaning in to press against your forehead. “Yes.” Warm half-lidded eyes pool into yours. “Take off your shirt.” He instructs, pulling off of you to work on his own clothes.

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.” Immediately tossing off your top and discarding it to the side. Leaving you totally bare, other than your socks.

A small smile plagues Joel’s lips at your eager behavior. Slowly, he unbuttons his top layer. Sliding off the warm flannel, leaving him in a tight off-white undershirt. He catches the way you eye him, drinking in the sight of him. Admiring his broad build, and strong full arms. A smirk appears on his face.

“Those books don’t have pictures?” Joel asks in a teasing tone, referring to the romance book.

A warm heat comes up your cheeks, a look of embarrassment obvious on your face. “Nothing more than what’s on the cover.”

“Let me give you a visual than, Sugar.” He says, thick fingers coming to the hem of his shirt. Drawing out the reveal, Joel lifts his shirt slowly. Enjoying the way you stare at him, relishing in each new inch of skin he bares to you. Fuck he loves this. The way you make him feel. So wanted. So desired. There were other man at your camp. Other single men in his group. But you chose him. And it felt so fucking good to be wanted. To let himself be wanted.

Joel's shirt is eventually lifted over head, revealing his body to you. His pretty tanned skin shining in the sun. Soft freckles scattered across his broad chest. Along his shoulders are evidence of fights, knife fights, gun fights. You name it. It appeared that Joel had been in several of each. Your eyes lower down to his soft stomach, just barely pronounced. A light trail of hair guiding down to where you really want to be. His hands come down to the waist of his jeans. Teasingly rubbing along the outline of his hard cock. Letting out a groan of relief at the light friction.

"This what you want, Honey?" He asks in a sickeningly sweet accent.

"Yes." You moan, keeping your hands from touching yourself. "Please."

He happily answers you. Undoing the brown leather belt of his pants, and opening his jeans. Pulling them down over his hips to reveal the grey boxer briefs he sports. A darker grey spot forming where he leaks precum. His thick fingers slide into the waistband, slowly pushing them down. A loud groan escapes him when his cock bobs free. Proudly jutting out towards you. Hard and pulsing. It's the perfect length. Just wide enough to give you a good stretch and leave you aching. The pretty uncut head of his cock covering the throbbing purple head.

"Condom." Joel grits out at you, quickly growing impatient.

"Yeah just let me." You practically throw yourself off the jacket rolling over to grab your bag.

Quickly retrieving the condoms and ripping one off the roll. You toss it in his direction. Which he easily catches. He tears it open, tossing the foil to the side. He works efficiently. Pinching the tip with one hand and rolling it down with the other. You work to resituate yourself under him. Laying back against the dusted earth, hands methodically rubbing along the edges of Joel's jacket beneath you. The frayed seams keep you grounded. Your eyes watch as Joel spits in his hand, coating his condom covered cock with it. Lubricating himself more for you.

"Ready?" He asks once more, an edge of insistence in his voice. He needs this.

"Fuck yeah." And you're just as bad. Pushing your hips up, ushering him inside.

Joel kneels between your thighs, knees spread apart. He hitches your legs up on his hips as he lines up at your entrance. The top of the jeans he neglected to take off rub against the insides of your legs. A low groan catches in his throat as the tip breaches the walls of your sex. You let out a gasp at the stretch of him around you. Your body barely has the give to take him. But you do. Inch by inch, letting him drown himself inside of you. To get lost in your tides. His cock fills you perfectly. Your mind goes blank of any worries. You swear you could die happy with his cock buried inside you.

And as Joel sinks into your warm tight walls, guilt hits him like a freight train.

He feels bad. Fuck he feels bad. He always fashioned himself a gentleman. A man of southern manners. He doesn't even wanna think about the whooping he'd get if his mother was still around to see what he was doin. Fucking this sweet young thing he barely knew on the filthy ground. He'd hardly even kissed you when you asked. This wasn't like him. Not even close.

"Joel" you whimper below him, pulling his attention back to you. Legs wrapping around his waist to pull him tighter. Desperation growing in your core. The need for him to move becoming difficult to ignore.

"Shhh I gotchu, Sugar." Joel hushes you with a tentative thrust. A shiver shot up his spine. The pleasure was almost foreign to him, but the memory quickly reformed. "Fuck that's good." He moans, taking a fistful of your breast in his hand.

Joel carves his way into you. Opening you up more and more with each roll of his hips. His cock dragging heavy along your insides. The tip catching on that perfect spongy spot that made you see stars with each thrust. That perfect cock reaching places you'd been unable to yourself in so long. Joel looks so good above you. Broad and strong. With every thrust into you, his stomach clenches and arms tighten. His hands keep a strong grip on your hips, working to keep you stable for him. Dark brown eyes fixated on where you're taking him. Drunk of the way his cock splits you apart. A layer of sweat accumulating on his warm chest. He reeks of sin and sex. Evidence of your prior orgasm still lingering on his mustache. It's like a dream.

"So perfect, Baby" you murmur in your lust-filled haze, not noticing the pet name slip from your lips.

With each thrust into you, his conscious blurs. The old Joel Miller would never have taken such a young thing to bed. Hell he'd probably never even entertain the thought. The old Joel Miller would have at least taken them to dinner…

"F-fuck Joel!"

or the movies…

"Takin it so good, Sweetcheeks."

or out to a game...

Not to the back of a goddamn barn for a quickie. That much he knows for sure. But the old Joel Miller was happy. Happier at least. He had a life.

"You're so big!" You cry out.

He had a family.

"Tight little thing." He groans.

He had his Sarah.

So why? Why couldn't the new Joel Miller have something? Something that made him feel good? Feel anything other than pitiful sorrow? Something in the form of a pretty babe to let out all that frustration on. He wasn't hurting you. Or cohorecing you. You had wanted him. Asked for him. He was just fulfilling a need. Just like he'd done since the beginning.

Raiding when needed.

Fighting when prompted.

Killing when asked.

He'd done worse things since the outbreak. This? This was nothing.

Joel begins fucking you with reckless abandon. Ruthlessly snapping his hips into you, making your body bounce. "Need you." He grunts out between thrusts. "Need you to cum." His hand releases itself from your hip, and comes down onto your sensitive clit.

A shudder runs through you as his hard calloused thumb rubs hard fast circles over you. Your walls flutter around him. "J-Joel." You whimper. He leans down closer, groans of satisfaction echo in your ear as you just take everything he gives you. It's too much. Too much and yet not enough. The way he fucks feels like a bit of karma for your romantic ideations.

There was nothing soft in his voice. Or in the way he took you. Maybe there is no softness left in Joel Miller. Maybe there is no softness anywhere on this planet. A part of you wants to cry. Wants to feel disappointed. To run away back to your books. But you don't. You can't. Because no matter what you thought before, you can't deny you love this. The fire within you, burning brighter with each touch. Rough hands on your tits and clit. Rubbing you raw. Each scrub of his long hard cock along your walls brings you to the edge of ecstasy. Even the way your legs on his hips absorb the shock of his powerful thrusts. It all feels good. So fucking good. And you never want it to stop.

Not like he had a choice, Joel reasons with himself. There were no more nice restaurants.

"Close- so close" you moan beneath him.

Or movie theatres...

"Soak that cock, Honey."

No place to go with the rested assurance you wouldn't be swarmed by infected...

"I love your cock!"

There's no time for romance...

"Pussy is so fucking good."

Or love...

"Gonna cum!"

All there is is survival. And this…the soft enveloping warmth between your thighs. And the pleasure he could offer you. Joel could never sweep you off your feet, but he could at least leave you with shaking legs, and his name on your lips.

With another thrust, he succeeds in his task.

"Joel!" You cry out, vision blurring out along the edges. Your cunt catching him in a vice grip, squeezing him tight. Soaking his cock in a rush of slick as he struggles to continue rocking into you. Legs convulse around his hips as pleasure enraptures you in its grasp. "G-good so good." You murmur, panting out.

Joel continues rocking into you, extending your orgasm and seeking his own. But it's not enough. He needs something. More. He needs more. He lurches forward, fully grasping you in his embrace. Strong arms pressing you into him. His lips catch yours in a heated kiss. Soft plush lips devouring you. That sweet arched nose bumping against your cheek as he kisses you, tongue licking along the seam of your lips. The sweet whine you let out is all it takes.

With that he cums, happily moaning into your mouth. Cock throbbing heavenly inside you. Pulsing against your fluttering walls as he fills the condom with himself. Grinding his hips down against yours. Not wanting it to end. Never wanting to pull away from you again. Joel stills inside you, his cock softening. His lips linger on a final delicate kiss, before begrudgingly pulling himself away. His eyes reel down your body as he lifts himself off you. Slowly pulling his cock out of you. Making quick work of the condom, tying it off and tossing it to the side where the foil still lies. He quietly tucks his still wet cock back into his pants. Rolling over beside you, laying on the cool ground.

It's quiet between the two of you. Nothing but an exchange of breath and the rustle of the corn can be heard. You both stare silently up at the bright blue sky.

"Been too long." Joel pants out, breaking the silence.

"How long?"

"Since before."

"Before the outbreak?"

He answers with a silent nod. Eyes closed and head pressed back against the ground.

You scoff. "Definitely too long." You tease. Deciding to get redressed you grab your top and throw it back on. Not feeling particular about staying naked much longer.

He huffs a small laugh out, "You're telling me." The rustle of clothes catches his attention.

Looking over and finding you dressing, he can't help but pout. He wants you to stay. To say something stupid and romantic. But that's not how this works. Not anymore. Especially not after what you two just did.

You ease your way off Joel's jacket, a layer of cum and spit sticking you to it. The wetness between your legs makes you wish you'd thought a bit harder about the after effects of your plan. Things were never this messy in the novels. You think, wanting to roll your eyes.

Joel noticed the way you shift uncomfortably, still coated in the mess. "Here." He says getting back up to his knees. Grabbing his jacket from the ground and going closer to wipe you off. "Gonna have to wash it anyways." He says simply. Carefully cleaning the excess of both of you from between your legs. "That's better."

"Thank you." You say softly, feeling much less sticky now. Quickly going to finish dressing. Tossing on your top and shoes.

Joel remains kneeling on the ground, trying and failing to hide the way he watches you. Following your lead, he retakes his shirts in hand and throws them on. Standing up, he quietly rebuttons the outer flannel. Tucking his undershirt into his pants.

"So…you're leaving tonight. Is that right?" You ask in a hushed voice.

"Yeah…"

"Where are you headed again?" You ask, trying to keep things casual. Not wanting to show you desperation for him. How you are silently hoping for him to stay.

"East Coast. Thinking of heading up to Boston."

"Mmm…well if you want-"

"Don't ask me." He cuts you short. Not wanting you to ask what he thinks you're gonna say.

"What?" You ask, put off by the shift in behavior.

Joel feels his heart beat in his chest. Fists flex at his sides. "Don't ask me to stay. Or to come with." He says, jaw locked. Folding the soaked jacket over his forearm. Eyes stay low, focusing on the caved foundation of the old barn.

The corners of your mouth twitch with the taste of irony. "Wasn't going to. " You say casually, picking through your backpack for something. "I was going to say there are showers in town. Figured you'd wanna clean up a bit before getting back to the road."

He answers with a nod. Cheeks heated at his slip.

"Here." You say flatly, offering him three of the six remaining condoms. "They go out this year…I'm not so sure I'll use them all."

Joel gently takes them from your hands. "I wasn't kidding when I said I haven't-"

"I believe you." You interrupt. Throwing your backpack onto your shoulder. "Trade them. Use them. Sell them. They're yours to do as you please."

He nods, seeming to accept your offer. He tucks them away safely in his breast pocket.

"I guess this is it then." You stay, staring up at him. Trying to commit this stranger to memory. Marking his lowbrow and arched nose. Cropped curls and patchy beard.

"I uhh …thank you." He spits out, unsure of the right way to end this. "And I'm sorry…for what I said."

You raise a curious eyebrow at his apology, not quite catching what he's saying.

"About the book. It's good to have something for yourself."

You chuckle softly, "Oh that…it's fine. Really. You're right." Feeling bold, you finally look back into the stranger's eyes. A warm familiarity washing over you. "It's just fantasy."

"Right." He nods in agreeance. "Well, can I walk you back to town?"

A soft smile comes upon your face, ever the gentleman, "Yeah, sure. I'll show you where the showers are."

The walk back is silent. Nothing but the sound of shuffling feet fill the empty air. The sun lowers in the sky, just staying high enough to rest above the corn stalks. Eventually, you return to town. You can already imagine the kind of rumors that will plague you for the following weeks ahead. You guide him to the showers. Planting your feet firmly in front of the shower station.

"Here we are." You declare, sliding him a coin to use for the wash. "That should cover you."

"Thank you." Joel replies, wondering if things could be different.

"I guess this is goodbye, then?" You say with a soft shrug, feeling content with your short adventure.

Joel turns to you with a softened expression, his eyes big and round. "Goodbye and thank you-again for everything."

"Goodbye Joel Miller." You say with a smile, turning to head back to your apartment.

Just as all good "love" stories end, he watches as you walk away alone towards the setting sun. The taste of you still lingering on his tongue.

#Am writes #joel miller x reader #joel mill x AFAB!reader #joel miller x F!Reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller smut

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vickyvicarious · 9 months

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Today's entry is another one with strong comparisons to be made between the asylum pair and the castle pair. We start off with Renfield-Dracula comparisons: both his eating other creatures in order to gain life and his cheerful attitude here remind me of the Count. Whenever Dracula had won some new victory over Jonathan (typically by doing something offscreen to foil his latest effort) he tended to get very cheerful and charming. Renfield has circumvented Seward's refusal to give him a cat by eating all his birds and then restarting his experiment, a victory of sorts for him, and is correspondingly quite cheerful.

But it's Seward's response to this behavior which is especially reminiscent of Dracula, and chillingly so: he drugs Renfield to sleep and then goes through his belongings.

I gave Renfield a strong opiate to-night, enough to make even him sleep, and took away his pocket-book to look at it.

While it's never explicitly confirmed, I have a theory that Dracula had been exercising control over Jonathan's sleep throughout his stay in the castle. There are repeated instances where he tells Jonathan to rest well or to sleep soon and Jonathan always follows up with confirmation that direction was followed (when other times there are hints towards unsteady sleep/nightmares). And while it isn't as directly a scene of magical influence, the day Dracula stole Jonathan's papers and other belongings was while also he was locked in a room, sleeping.

That's creepy enough, and it speaks to Seward respecting no boundaries at all with his patient, but the part that sticks out to me most of all is the way this is a direct parallel to a worst-case scenario for Jonathan. Because what is described above is quite simply: the captor, having noticed his captive is keeping notes that he doesn't understand, forces his captive into a vulnerable unconscious state and takes said notes to read and use for his own purposes.

Isn't that exactly what Jonathan lived in such dread of happening, all that time? If Dracula had ever spotted Jonathan writing in his journal, I'm sure it would have happened. And while he wouldn't understand the exact meaning of the shorthand (much the same way Seward doesn't initially understand all Renfield's figures) the gist of the idea would be communicated (he'd realize Jonathan is keeping a secret record and the implications of that, much the same way Seward here is able to finally put together the pieces and figure out Renfield's general ideas). And what comes next? Well, it wouldn't be good for Jonathan, obviously.

Seward doesn't punish Renfield for what he discovers. Not directly. But his reaction is just as terrible because the realization tempts him all the more to indulge his 'mad scientist' instincts. He wants to make a name for himself via Renfield's heretofore unknown madness, and it doesn't really matter how Renfield feels about that or is treated in pursuit of that. Oh, sure, he confines himself here to speculation about whether it might not be worth it to see how far he'd go - tells himself I must not think of this. And yet he's incredibly attracted to the idea (re:dracula did so well with putting voice to how EAGER he is and how reluctantly he pulls himself back - and then only partially before dipping his toes in again), and is already behaving well outside of any appropriate motivation. And so... while Renfield isn't going to suffer in the same way Jonathan would have from the discovery of his diary, he still is worse off. By completing his long-awaited thought and coming up with a name for Renfield ("a zoöphagous (life-eating) maniac") Seward has fully finished shifting him into a mental category entirely separate from all the other patients, and it's definitely not one that has his best interests in mind. He's possessive, too invested, dehumanizing (yesterday's "my friend" has become today's "my homicidal maniac"), and it's all just not good for either one of them.

I think Seward realizes that this isn't good for his own mental health as well, but he can't help longing for it. This is getting more into just me musing aloud here, but... A while ago he spoke about relative dangers of selfish vs. unselfish people, and concluded that people who dedicate themselves to a duty are more dangerous because they throw themselves in fully. And yet that's something he seems to be longing for:

If only there were a sufficient cause! I must not think too much of this, or I may be tempted; a good cause might turn the scale with me, for may not I too be of an exceptional brain, congenitally?

He knows that he is susceptible to that kind of temptation, to ignore all moral qualms for the sake of (making a name for himself with) Science. And he's trying to pull himself back from that brink... but a part of him wants nothing more than to find a cause worthy enough to do it anyway. He wants to dedicate himself fully to something important. He knows that he isn't entirely normal himself, and that once he gave in there would be no turning back. The idea appeals to him, even as it repels him - which in itself is very vampiric, actually. It's like the idea of finding a "sufficient cause" is his own trance which he must try to resist.

And the way he thinks of Lucy right after this seems telling to me. Perhaps he hoped that Lucy would balance him out, would help pull him away from these kinds of impulses, would make him Normal in a way he can't be on his own. But she didn't pick him, in fact she picked a man who is also much more Normal, and they're both wonderful and happy together. And he's happy for them, of course, but it leaves him on the outside. And on the other hand there's Renfield, who seems fully lost (and happy to be so) inside his own mad devotion to his cause. Seward seems to be pining after both Lucy and Renfield in this entry. Not romantically for Renfield, but they represent to him opposite extremes. Lucy is the life he could have if he didn't feel so drawn to odd and amoral ideas; Renfield is the fulfillment he could feel if he didn't feel sufficiently sane to let morals hold him back from indulging those urges. He knows Lucy doesn't love him back (symbolically: that he can't ever be fully normal) and that Renfield isn't someone to imitate (symbolically: that he can't let himself give in fully), so he's just stuck teetering between them at the moment. Of course, with Lucy's rejection leading him to isolate himself in his work (and away from his friends who also pull him back more to better behavior) he keeps tipping more and more towards becoming mad himself in his own way. But he still retains enough control over himself to feel bad about it and refuse to indulge himself fully... even as he fails to notice, or simply doesn't care, just how badly he's already failing to act in Renfield's own interests.

#dracula daily #jack seward #renfield #just kinda thinking aloud do tell me if this makes sense #the audio had this kind of longing tone for BOTH lucy and the mad science which was super interesting to me #count dracula #for those comparisons/parallels #my meta

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vro0m · 7 months

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The whole situation is magnified by Merc's incompetent driver management, I hope they can realize thise problem during this non-championship-fight year and can solve it as soon as possible.

But one thing I will sure is George is having the route where Nico and Valtteri once had, Realizing you may not the fastest guy, a belief they held and was confirmed by countless single seater championships during their whole racing life, and he is trying too hard to tell the team he wasn't slow compared to Lewis, he is proving something he can't prove, which is distracting him driving him into error-prone.

Only Jenson accepted at very first time that Lewis is simply faster than him and he can't never beat him in speed wise a season, this self awareness make he not have these mental break down process and can beat Lewis sometimes by using his experience advantage. Like Alonso didn't accept rookie Lewis can match and beat him that he threw advantage as a more experienced driver and team number one driver status away and went into against team, forcing himself have to waste 2008-2009 in driving Renault in midfield.

I don't think by GR's personality he will accept it from any way, even Valtteri needed spend 5 years to finally admit the obvious fact , and i don't think he can pull a Nico 2016 bc at that time Nico was already realized he is slower, that's why he can put his whole career to have a final shoot.

I think the Lewis-George lineup will have a quite interesting and very different dynamic to all former lineup we saw with Lewis, and in the end is all down to how Mercedes manage George, bc from Lewis's side, whether is George or some else it doesn't matter, he only aims on one thing, while George does have a lot little mind, which is normal for drivers with his talent and ambition but yeah if is out of control it will cost a lot, not only for team ,but also for himself.

Yeah I disagree about a bunch of stuff there Anon. Tbh it should be obvious to you if you read my blog frequently but I'm still gonna answer because I have time to kill before I go on a walk.

Calling Mercedes' driver management incompetent is a bit much tbh. They have to find their balance and set limits and get to a place of understanding between all parties but it's not that bad right now. It's more a matter of making sure it doesn't escalate than it already been escalated.

I don't think George is realising he's not the faster guy or whatever you said because right now it's really not that clear cut that he is, or at least he's not that far off. I don't think he's making mistakes because he thinks he's slower than Lewis I think he's making mistakes because he's eager to race and win and he's eager to not find himself relegated to a second driver position. He's right to want to race and win and he's right to want to make sure he's fully taken into account by the team. Historically that has not always been the case for Lewis' teammates. Does that lead him to overdo it a bit sometimes at the moment? Maybe. Whether he is indeed slower or not, he doesn't think he is, for sure. He's even a bit arrogant about not thinking that he is, in my honest opinion.

Bringing up Jenson as an example of someone who accepted Lewis was faster is absolutely insane given he's one of three drivers who beat him in the same machinery in his F1 career, the two others obviously being Nico and George. There's a lot of specific context around all three of these seasons but saying Jenson didn't have a breakdown because he accepted he was slower is just wrong. Jenson didn't have breakdown because 1) he's more well-balanced mentally than 99% of F1 drivers and 2) Lewis was not driving well so it's really arguable whether he was faster than Jenson at the time, and if he really was it didn't matter in the end anyway because he still lost out to him. So Jenson didn't have to accept anything.

Also I'm not gonna repeat what I said in the previous 24 hours re: whether George can beat Lewis or not, you can just re-read these yourself. You can wish it not to be the case (like me) but the truth is none of us know what's to come. George is not Nico, and George is not Valtteri. And Lewis is not in the position he was when he was up against Nico or when he was partnering Valtteri. Where I agree with you is when you say it will be different than any other line-up we've seen. But then if that's the case, why do you start by saying George is in the same position Nico and Valtteri were? He's not. First and foremost because Lewis doesn't have the means to be as competitive as he can be right now, unlike when Nico and Valtteri were his teammates. It's an opportunity for George neither of them have had. Or maybe Nico during Lewis' first year at Merc. And Lewis ended that year only 19 points ahead of Nico, so the gap really wasn't that big.

I feel like you just don't like George, or alternatively you only or mostly like Lewis, so you underestimate him. I'm not interested in such discussions to be honest. I hope you don't take me disagreeing with you personally.

#vro0m's asks

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sonofthesaiyans · 3 months

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Three years ago today, a nightmare repeated itself.

Of course, I am talking about the day "Assassin's Bullet" first aired, courtesy of Studio MAPPA. When Attack on Titan's best girl was cruelly ripped away from us.

All this time, and I'm STILL furious about the fate of our beloved Sasha. The very heart and soul of Titan, and who's completely unjustified and needlessly cruel and drawn out end made the entire fucking series, both in the manga and the anime, UNWATCHABLE.

I hoped so hard that season four would never get adapted after season three came to its conclusion, and those hopes were dashed when MAPPA came into the picture.

I would NEVER watch any of MAPPA's shows, all because they went through and adapted this one single, evil episode, from the mind of the very bastard who wrote it into existence.

Like in the manga this horrific scene was drawn out and designed to twist the knife to the absolute maximum. Such an undeserving fate for such a beloved character, not allowed to go out with any kind of real dignity, just given the cheapest fucking death Isayama dared to throw at us, just because we know for sure he was just that eager to rid us of Sasha, and to punish us for daring to connect to her. The blood on her mouth as she was bleeding out, unable to speak and staring blankly as she slipped away.......I NEVER WOULD HAVE TOUCHED THIS ANIME IF IT MEANT SPARING MYSELF THAT ONE IMAGE. And it's that image that defines my whole experience with AOT. And what was it all for? For THIS.

Gabi MotherFUCKING Braun. A character who nobody liked even before this chapter and episode saw the light of day, a character who is NOT interesting, NOT likable or sympathetic in any sense, a character who is NOT essential to the story, and who actively brought it down not just by stealing Sasha's rightful place, but also by stealing focus away from not just her, but from nearly every other aspect of the story that suddenly had to make room for her incredibly forced and insincere "redemption arc". That's a load of crap, Gabi didn't earn her right to redemption any more than Reiner, Annie, or Eren himself did. The fact that Gabi suddenly because Isayama's primary obsession for 80% of the final season is the most crass and unacceptable display of favoritism on the part of any author. I have never had any reason to connect with Gabi or to take any sympathy upon her, and I will continue to vie for the scene where the little bitch gets her dues. Because she did NOT earn her right to live, let alone exist in this story. And I will continue to demand an explanation for Sasha's missing armor plate. We know what the game is there........I want to hear it from the man himself for pulling such a transparent stunt. Long story short, go fuck yourselves, the staff and animators of Studio MAPPA. You are all dead to me.

And that goes tenfold for Hajime Isayama. I hope one day I'll be the guy to bear upon you all of the anger and stress I have felt because of you since the day you unleashed Chapter 105 and in doing so, stole something very precious from us. You should have left well enough alone.

And with that, something I've been wanting to share for a long time......

Courtesy of a good friend of mine. You Gabi apologists out there, you will never believe who I have to thank for giving me this fitting tribute ......

I can only hope one day, our beloved Potato Girl will finally get the justice she deserves, and restored to us as she ought to be.

There is no Attack on Titan without Sasha. 🥔 ⚔️ 🥔

(I realize this intended post is a little late.......but if you've spent enough time here, you know I'm not one to keep things brief when it comes to our Best Girl.)

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cpcwiki · 5 months

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I am suggesting for the wiki account to start from the very beginning, which imho related about the episodes. Like maybe give tutorial of the how to starts at the wiki.. Wiki is free to edit from and for all, but one need to register themself first so maybe it's confusing to the totally new account of the fandom. After that, maybe teach how to upload images (I already taught in reblog about how to properly naming image but the better things be repeated, the more info of it being on remember) like from screenshotting image/panel of the CPC (if in mobile, which at app - means to be aware from the logo webtoon watermark.. it's best to screenshotting from the PC)

Our absolute immediate danger is to putting (uploading) any necessary images that related to wiki before CPC going to becomes daily pass. Based on my calculations with @meritre24601 that taking account of anything possible like LambCat claims that she likes to end the CPC at episode 169 at IG = We're literally in red danger as it makes the FP ep 169 will on release at January 15 - well, just one month from now

The free pass of the final episode will be 2-3 weeks from that, but once the very final episode on free - then the possibility of daily pass is usually only few weeks PLUS sadly English platform not really warning about certain webtoon will becomes daily pass (unlike Indonesian that has monthly warnings about which series that will become DP) SO I won't try my luck to urging delegations of the wiki project BY not giving all my best effort - but also I know I can't do anything alone, I am just a human with limitations after all

Move on the most crucial pages in the wiki IMHO, Episodes. There's 2 types of Episode Template (I am not sure which we'll decide to have, personally I really want the more complete and longer one which we have 'gallery' section so from a particular episode we could analyse the image that related to it. I think that way easier and more understable to do, make someone focus on certain topic (in my experience, I'll pour my everything to improve overall Frederick depiction especially my initial reason is - I hate the comment section on his character page, and his page likes abandoned for years, so i am one of the most eager editor that helps to improve Frederick informations ~ later on basically 'everyone/thing'). The focus is totally depends on certain interest of editor, so as long that editor could writes objectively based on canon original source then why not? Any helps will be immensely helpful than no help at all espc from people that confused

I can try to write some guides for beginner editors! That seems like something I can get done pretty quickly that might still be helpful. I'll be free for the next two days, so I can try to get some of those done then. (Ofc some confirmation that people are actually interested in editing would be nice to have first, so I know I'm not wasting my time writing guides for people who'll never read them... I think I'll make an interest check for people who actually think they'll be able to edit soon)

Encouraging people to only focus on the area they're interested in seems like a good tactic!! As long as it falls within one of the areas the wiki is incomplete in, then I agree. Any sort of work would definitely be appreciated.

Also, what do you mean about there being 2 types of episode templates? If you're talking about the one that only has headings and no preset information (like on episode 50 for example), I wouldn't consider that a template. The only one I do consider a template is the one I made. Okay maybe I'm a little biased, but I would really like us to use the longer episode template with more information. So, if we need to choose between them, my vote is for my own template :)

Again, I am VERY VERY VERY sorry for my inactivity over the past few months!! I know keeping up an entire wiki for a still-ongoing series is difficult - I was the only editor on a couple wikis for a while, including this one at one point. It doesn't give me an excuse for having basically abandoned the wiki like that, though, especially at such an inconvenient time for us. Right now, running this blog is the most wiki-related work I can do without exhausting myself :(

This is also a good time to thank you for all your hard work again!! Btw Cookie and I maaay have been considering making you an admin... we can talk about that if you're interested!

#asks #mocha talking

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iamnotawomanimagod · 1 year

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top 5 yellowjackets characters

Thank you my friend! <3

1 - Natalie

I've always had a serious soft spot for tragic burnout addicts, and Natalie is no exception to that rule. The way she arrives in the wilderness a bit more fucked-up than everyone else (having witnessed her dad's death,) and with all this baggage surrounding being an impoverished addict at such a young age. You'd expect that she'd unravel first and hardest, but instead, we see Nat take up a role of responsibility in the group. She hunts for food. She comforts Travis when no one else will. She tries not to take her emotions and reactions out on other people.

Even with everything she's been through, how seemingly broken she is in civilization, she ends up being one of the strongest and most capable of the plane crash survivors. And I love that for her.

2 - Misty

I often find myself repeating Adult Natalie's first on-screen words to Adult Misty - "Misty, you crazy fucking bitch." Because she truly is THAT crazy fucking bitch, and I absolutely adore her for it. She does the most insane shit, the most selfish and ruthless things, and yet I love her more and more for it with each increasingly unhinged act. It is so compelling to see someone who is genuinely very caring, considerate, and concerned about others take that to the absolute worst extreme, where compassion becomes control and adoration becomes obsession. She put a spy camera in your motel room because she cares, Natalie!! She can't leave you alone or stop being in love with you because knows you need help, Ben!! She just wanted everyone to have a fun Doomcoming, group-of-people-who-just-unknowingly-did-shrooms!!

I've rarely seen a character be so lovable and also so utterly awful at the same time. I was sure I'd hate her after her first scene as an adult (denying that old woman her pain meds) so I was very surprised that she became one of my favorites. She keeps things interesting, and her motivations are both painfully simple and maniacally complex.

3 - Taissa

Tai's storyline is probably my favorite. I really love the dramatic irony of this straight-laced, logically driven, pragmatic girl losing her mind in the most obvious and dangerous way out of everyone else (so far.) Her backstory reveal - the Man with No Eyes, her grandmother's terrified final words - does so much work in explaining why Taissa is so stubbornly refusing to accept help, to accept an explanation, or to seek answers. She just wants to be able to ignore it all until it goes away, which is a very heartbreaking thing for such a seemingly mature character to experience. I think her adult storyline is the closest to true horror that this show has done, and I'm very eager to see where it all continues to go - especially since it finally looks like Tai and Van will reunite as adults next week.

But that contrast between someone who's about to explode while trying to keep the tightest lid on it all - that's compelling. She killed her freaking dog and I still love her. This show has that effect.

4 - Lottie

Seeing more of Lottie in s2 has made me appreciate her character that much more. I'm so glad she's a bitch, lmao. Having her survive the wilderness, I definitely needed her to make it through with as many problems as all the others. And she definitely has them. I'm not sure if she's crazy, or a prophet, or both, or if it even matters. She's such an interesting character to bring into this narrative, and although we've only really just begun with it, I'm excited to see her descent into cult leader madness in its entirety. I do think she's one of the more compassionate and caring girls in the wilderness, and that she truly does want to help them all, and believes she's helping them all.

I think Adult Lottie has herself convinced she's still the same, but it's so easy to see how power-hungry she is, how much she likes being followed and believed, and how good she is at controlling people. I'm very keen on seeing how this all unfolds for her, and how she finds her way back to a leadership role after all the therapy and psych treatment.

5 - Shauna

Shauna is my least favorite of the main cast, but I do still like her. I just found her adultery storyline boring. But if I separate her from the Adam Martin of it all, she's definitely a super fascinating character. Her dynamic with Jackie is obviously the most interesting thing about her, and I think she's the most compelling candidate for the "teenage girls always cannibalize each other" metaphorical argument that so much of this fandom likes to make (which I'm otherwise a bit iffy on.) I'm a big fan of dynamics between teenage girls which explore that tender, tragic line between love and resentment. And Shauna brings a really fucked-up, dark edge to that dynamic. What I'm really liking about Shauna is that, out of all the girls/women, she seems the least bothered by violence, and the most willing to commit it. Killing the rabbit, killing Adam, threatening the car thief - Shauna is willing to take a life if it means she can get her way, and there's a part of herself, however deep down she tries to push it, that really enjoys violence and blood.

And that sets her apart from the others. They're all crazy, but the one who actually gives me the biggest Serial Killer vibes is Shauna, especially as an adult.

Thanks again, Lau! I love talking about this show. I'll answer your other questions soon!!

#asks #laufire #fave mutuals #lau tag #yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers

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solottrpgchronicles · 4 months

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1b. Have You Heard? - Dead Letter Society (Ava)

Toronto, Jan 12, 2024

Well, I finally put an end to my procrastination — I wrote a letter to that Emile, whose address was provided by the Dead Letter Society.

One ought to expect more enthusiasm on my part; after all, he might help with the pressing matter at hand, or even contribute to my primary objective, if I'm lucky.

Nevertheless, having wandered the Earth for so long, I find it difficult to feel hopeful. Though I am associated with the Dead Letter Society, it doesn't mean I automatically trust them.

Above all, I've been preoccupied with the recent events. I now believe that keeping my jewellery store at the Eaton Centre isn't the brightest idea. The seemingly arbitrary transformations of individuals usually happen in close proximity to shops; the transformation is immediately followed by a rampage, as if they're obeying clandestine instructions in search of a specific target.

One of the mutated beings struck me, last week. Fortunately, I managed to run before anyone noticed my lack of blood or the near-immediate healing of my grievous wound.

I'd rather continue my investigation, but remaining in that place poses a threat — if not to me personally, to our shared secret. It might be mere paranoia on my part, but I wonder if this could be an intricate scheme to unveil the existence of vampires. If so, what would the mastermind behind this plot stand to gain from this revelation?

Mr. Finch made an interesting observation, while we were reviewing information about the cases: all those affected had visited Algonquin Park within the past three months. Initially, I dismissed it, thinking it was common for Canadians, especially for residents of Ontario, to visit Algonquin sooner or later.

Also, what about foreigners? If something in Algonquin is triggering sudden mutations, why haven't there been reports of incidents abroad? Unless other countries are keeping them a secret, but that seems somewhat unlikely.

This whole situation doesn't make sense to me.

What's worse, Georgie from the diner has a brother who experienced a mutation. I promised her to do everything in my power to help; except, I don't even know where to start. It's incredibly frustrating.

I don't even know why I, a creature considered monstrous and essentially immortal, concern myself with the existence of other supernatural beings. Do I worry about potential competition? Or is there still a lingering trace of humanity within me, causing my heart to ache for the common people?

Maybe I'm just tired of losing everyone. I've faced a fraction of eternity in solitude already, and it's not an experience I'm eager to repeat.

Signing off,

Ava Bennett

--------------------

This is a playthrough of a solo TTRPG called "Dead Letter Society", by Rori Montford.

You can check it out on itch.io: https://montfordtales.itch.io/dead-letter-society

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edoro · 2 years

Note

Curious if you have any thoughts on what is underlying Belos' fixation on Luz. I feel like he might be projecting some of his experience with his brother and his brother's perceived betrayal onto her - from his perspective she slots neatly into a similar role of human who assimilated to the isles. But I also feel like there's a desire maybe to try to "get through to" the only other human he's interacted with in centuries. Interested to hear your thoughts based on what we know so far!

so i kind of have two answers for you here. one of them is that i'm going to dig into, yeah, what his textually stated or implied motivations seem to be and what things about his own life/feelings/past he might be projecting onto her.

the other is that, frankly, i think the man is a predator and that his obsession with her is at least partially sexual.

(this, also, is something i think i can textually justify as a reading but not necessarily something i think was intended, so, we're drawing a division between "things i think are solidly supported by canon evidence" and "things i believe very strongly based ON canon evidence but are not imo intentional aspects of the story")

so anyway! (this is cut for length, i'm not really getting much into the 'i think he wants to assault her' idea here, but in the interest of honesty i did want to mention it as very much an idea that underpins my understanding of his fixation on her)

first of all, yeah, we do have the part where he says in Hollow Mind that it feels good to finally hear another human say his name. he does seem to feel an intense sense of connection to her based on the fact that they're both human.

it makes sense - he doesn't see witches or demons as being people. they're infernal, evil creatures that need to be purged in order to protect humanity. humans are Good, everything else is Bad, and Luz is a human, so she's Good like him and this is something they have in common. he expects her to share his opinions and is taken aback and disappointed when she doesn't.

the fact that he keeps saying they were destined to meet is interesting, too. he really does clearly feel such a sense of connection to her. she was meant to come into his life. from Philip, that was just manipulation, and when he repeats it in his mindscape while he's taunting her it's also partially just to hurt her, but i think there's a core of truth there as well - after all, she was pretty instrumental in helping him realize his plans, wasn't she?

she taught him the final glyph (which he did just fine on his own without it, but that allowed him to complete his arsenal of glyph magic and fully realize all possible combinations.) she and Lilith helped him get the mirror which allowed him to contact the Collector and set him on this path in the first place.

so i can see him genuinely feeling like she was sent to him by God. her coming to the Isles when she did, her going back in time when she did, all of it had to happen in order for him to get where he is and be able to carry out his plan. it's a sign, to him, that he's on the right track - she is that sign.

i can definitely also see him projecting a lot onto her about his experience with his brother. we don't know much about Wittebro's actual personality, but what we can infer from those memory portraits is a kind, compassionate, caring, fun, creative person who enjoyed playing games, had a keen sense of curiosity and exploration, and who was open-minded to others - someone who approached the Isles with interest and eagerness compared to Philip's nervous skulking, someone who fell in love with them, who grew past the way they'd been raised to view these people and forged strong, loving relationships.

which is very much like Luz! Luz has all of those traits as well, and i can for sure see him perceiving her as a trusting innocent who's been led astray by wicked witches, seduced to the side of evil because she doesn't understand how dire the situation is. so he wants to save her!

and he really does try to bring her over to his side. he's very gentle and even playful with her, even when he's also fucking with her on purpose in order to upset her and clearly taking pleasure in her pain and fear. he seems genuinely surprised and disappointed that she doesn't agree with him! he's so much more patient with her than he is with virtually anyone else, and it comes across like he really wants her to see things from his perspective.

i think he really craves that validation from another human, that what he's doing is right, that someone else sees it. of course, her not giving him that just further strengthens his sense of himself as a martyr, nobly suffering for the good of humanity even if it goes unrecognized. either way, he can spin it into reinforcing his conviction that what he's doing is right and justified.

and with her similarities to Caleb, i can also see like - part of it just being that he wants to try to 'fix' what happened with Caleb. the same urge that leads him to making the grimwalkers. he's trying to find or create a version of Caleb who turns out 'right', and maybe Luz can represent that as well.

also, he just seems very lonely. we see that again with the grimwalkers. he wants a friend, a playmate. this whole Emperor business is just him recreating his childhood games on a grand scale. that's also where his playfulness towards Luz becomes significant, i think - he wants to play with her. he wants her to keep him company.

so yeah, there's a lot of stuff wrapped up in there. she represents a lot of different things to him, i think. ultimately of course, like with Hunter, like with the other grimwalkers, like with Caleb originally, she's just a symbol to him. she's not a person, she's not Luz Noceda, she's a mirror reflecting whatever he wants her to reflect and a toy he wants to play with, and when the toy won't work right, he throws it away.

#tldr he's just a fucked up creepy person who yeah is projecting a lot of weird shit onto her #sorry luz you do not deserve any of this. please stay the fuck away from this nasty man #csa mention #emperor belos #luz noceda #the owl house #asks

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senjuushi · 2 years

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Now I'm thinking... What if a virgin master told F, Gras and Siegblut that they wanted the boy to be their first time if they're comfortable with it?

The first assumption that pops into F's head is that you're coming onto him like everyone else... and then, it registers that you're talking about your first time. You have to be mocking him. Entrusting that to something used is almost laughable, so that's what it is, right? F can't call you out without letting his facade slip, but he can let a few implications slip and see how you respond. But even as he realizes that you're serious, well, it's not like his comfort level is any real factor. If that's what his Master wants of him, he'll just have to wrestle with the inner conflict in silence.

Gras

He has plenty to say about how honored he is, and how he'll be sure to give you the most pleasurable experience possible, but there's quite a bit of conflict going on under the eager surface. If he's your first, he'll be taking something no one else will ever be able to have— and that concept does things to him. Gras is also trying very hard not to think about the inherent trust you're showing. As much as he wants you to see him favorably, the real thing is more overwhelming than he can deal with. And whether it's your first time or not, he couldn't handle making it soft.

Siegblut

It's practically instinct for him to assume you're making fun of him and respond with some snappy, annoyed retort... right up until you repeat yourself and he realizes you're serious. After that, he really doesn't know what to think. Siegblut reflexively bristles under any sexual interest focused on him by now, but at the same time, the thought of Master valuing him highly enough to ask something like that is a lot to process. Now that the idea's in his head, Sieg has all kinds of shameful fantasies plaguing him at the worst possible moments. It's tempting to just agree to it.

#Senjuushi #千銃士 #F #Gras #Siegblut #Headcanon #Reader #Lemon

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mannatea · 1 year

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Every role in every fandom you've ever been in! GO!!!!!!

Uhhhhh, I’ll try.

Dragon Ball Z: Reader for some years, then writer. Someone in this fandom illustrated one of my ‘fics (the first time that had ever happened to me!) so that was a fun experience.

InuYasha: Obsessive writer with many WIPs. Met my husband through this fandom in 2003 so it’s special. Eventually I actually stopped writing for the fandom and went back to read. I still have fond memories of a specific AU writer (one of the stories they wrote was Bottled Genius).

Rurouni Kenshin: Obsessive writer with many WIPs, most of which were REALLY out there. "Stomach-chewing Demons" still haunts me to this day. (IYKYK.) Also embarrassing? I wrote a lot of poetry here.

G Gundam: Casual enjoyer and fic writer. Unfortunately I still wrote poetry, including a particularly stupid piece about Argo's eyebrows. I have to be kind to this fandom though, it started my tradition of writing "A Kitten for" 'fics.

Fire Emblem: Obsessive writer who wrote hundreds of fics for this fandom over the course of a decade. EXTREMELY prolific but because I wasn't picky about what I wrote I just posted anything that came to mind. I was super super annoying about my ships too. (RIP to everyone who dealt with me and still talks to me from those days.)

Tales of Symphonia: Eager writer in early 2005 who made a lot of friends early and was active on the Namco forums. Mostly flipped between writing humor and angst. I'm haunted by my humor contributions to this fandom. This was my first foray into dark fiction too (we all had our cringe years please be nice to me). When I got back into the fandom some years later I focused more on angst. The third time I was in the fandom I did more reading/commenting and ended up doing RP (as Regal ♥). This time I haven't settled into a role yet, but hopefully it's as the new R/R writer idk.

Star Wars: I read fics for this fandom for years and only ever wrote one. I was heavy into the EU back in like 2002 onward and would reread the Thrawn trilogy and duology on REPEAT. To this day Luke and Mara are the only enemies to lovers pairing I like.

Fushigi Yuugi / Ranma 1/2 / Trigun: Fringe enjoyer, though I did write a fic for FY and Ranma. Don't worry, they both sucked ass.

Pokémon: I used to write AAML and random sad things for no reason. Mostly a casual game enjoyer though. When S&M came out I was the resident fallershipping writer and an RPer until I got bored.

Rose of Versailles: The first regular English writer for the fandom who then dragged a bunch of other people in too, heralding an interesting time for the thirsty fans desperate for fic. This was probably my favorite fandom I was ever in; everybody was just so nice. I wrote my first sex scene for this fandom lmao.

Ouran High School Host Club: Casual writer. This is the fandom where I first wrote a "twist ending" fic and won a contest on LJ with it.

Warcraft: Salty healer gamer. Usually a discipline priest for some reason. (It's the shields. I love the idea of a healer that protects/prevents damage in the first place.) I have tons and tons of OCs in this universe for literally no reason. I've also written a few fics over the years, mostly about characters nobody cares about.

Gilmore Girls: I watched this as it was airing and would talk about it at work with a guy I worked with who watched the new episodes with his wife every week. I wrote a fic but mostly preferred to simply watch it.

Road to Avonlea: Avid viewer, obsesser, and lover of this series. I love love love the characters and the character development and almost all the storylines given to the cast. I only ever wrote one 'fic because this is the kind of series you just don't feel needs a lot of extra stuff.

Kaze Hikaru: Mostly just enjoy the series tbh. I haven't finished it, I just buy my latest manga every year and suffer with the knowledge that death is imminent.

Harry Potter: Got into this late, liked only two characters enough to write about them, disappeared almost instantly again from the fandom.

Full Metal Alchemist: Like Road to Avonlea this series just doesn't need me to write for it. It stands alone very well. Casual enjoyer.

Frozen: I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW. This movie touched me in my soul and meant a lot to me, what can I say. I hardly EVER see movies in theater and I went back more than once to see this one. Elsa was just so relateable to me. I wrote 6 fics somehow and also made some friends.

Attack on Titan: My obsession for writing for this series came out of aBSOLUTELY NOWHERE and decimated me and probably many friendships of years gone by just because I could literally not stop writing stuff. I wrote 100 fics while I was in the fandom and made many friends and acquaintances so I can't regret the time I spent there, even though the last few years were really fuckin' rough. I think there was something really fresh about the 2014 vibe in the fanbase that made it a fun and exciting place to be. Everyone was speculating and having a good time writing about their blorbos back then; it was contagious! This is where I cemented myself as a rarepair enjoyer too because I'm an idiot. (Gelyn. ♥)

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun: Casual enjoyer who wrote a couple of fics for some reason I no longer remember.

Psycho Pass: I needed a new obsession, I got it. The second season sucked so much though, that it made it hard to stay in the fandom, and also the vibe there was kind of bad. Fun while it lasted I guess. I only wrote 8 fics.

When Calls the Heart: What's this Hallmark shit doing here anyway... LOL. I grew up reading Janette Oke's books so seeing a series on Netflix based off of one of her novel series HIT ME LIKE A BRICK and I got a bit obsessed, at least until things fell apart in Season 5. I cared most about characters that felt the least liked by the fans AND the writers so it didn't feel like continuing to write for it was worth my time. 11 stories was enough.

I'm probably forgetting something because I've been in a lot of fandoms, but these are the ones that were more serious, at least to some degree. If I wrote even one fic you know I cared. LOL

#if i missed something just lemme know i guess lmao

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byanyan · 5 months

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@lee-sol sent:ㅤhe’s been concentrating on forming the perfect drink for the past twenty, hellbent on adding something new to his menu. it’s almost like he’s working on a science experiment, putting a very specific amount of flavor into a cup, writing down how much of the flavor he’s put in, and repeating the process a few more times. it’s like he’s in his own little world of concentration, so much so, that he’s barely glanced up to look at them. and if they had tried to speak to him, their words had gone completely unnoticed. in his defense though, this is what happens when they visit the shop during one of his slow times, and that pressure to switch menu items loomed over him like some threatening presence. but finally… his efforts hopefully pay off, when he seems to be satisfied with his concoction. it’s a holiday themed drink, a traditional peppermint mocha, with an experimental hint of hazelnut. and to make the ensemble more festive, it’s topped with whipped cream and holiday sprinkles. there’s a bright smile on his face, as he slides the drink towards them, hopefully making up for the fact that he’d unintentionally been ignoring them for the past twenty minutes. “ will you taste this and let me know if i should add it to the menu? i wanted to try something different from other coffee places, but i dunno if it’d be a success. ” even though he’s sure they won’t turn him down, he’s batting his eyelashes just in case. “ maybe i’ll let you help me name it. haven’t come up with any ideas yet, so… ”

ㅤhaving given up on talking or trying to get sol's attention about ten minutes ago, byan is leaned forward against the order pickup counter, elbows perched on the surface as they idly scroll through tiktoks. as interesting as it is to watch him while he's in his zone of concentration, focused so seriously on whatever drink he's making, it only holds their attention for so long before they need another source of stimulation. considering he hadn't even turned around at their whines for attention, they suspect that nothing short of stepping behind the counter to physically grab him will succeed in getting them what they want. thus, they wait with an impatient sort of patience that only sol is truly capable of earning from them.

attention fully grasped by the video of a cat being startled by a cucumber, notes being taken for the next time they see fit to get a bit of revenge on jjijji, they almost don't notice that sol has finally turned away from the drink station. only when the cup touches the countertop and gets pushed toward them do their eyes lift, first to the (admittedly cute) drink, then to their boyfriend's face. despite planning for the last twenty or so minutes to pout with every intention of making him feel bad for ignoring them, they can't do anything about the way their lips start to curve at the eagerness in his expression. curse his stupidly adorable smile and the effect it still has over them after all this time!!

ㅤㅤ" mmh... try the thing that was more important than paying attention to me? i dunno... "ㅤadjusting their own smile to something playfully skeptical, byan scrunches their nose and looks back down at the drink in question. sol continues, and the corner of their mouth twitches slightly at the mention of helping him name it.

ㅤㅤ" guessin' that 'up yours, starbucks' is still one i'm not allowed to suggest? "ㅤtrying to look disappointed despite the smirk that continues to creep its way across their face, they look back up and— god dammit, he's batting his eyelashes now. it's not like they were actually going to turn him down, but now it's harder than ever to pretend like they might! heaving an overdramatic sigh even as their expression softens once more, byan reaches out and pulls the drink closer.

ㅤㅤ" okay, okay, i'll give it a taste. you're lucky i can't say no to whipped cream. "ㅤor their boyfriend's obnoxiously adorable face and gorgeous long lashes. now grinning away, they roll their eyes and lift the cup to their lips, taking a cautious sip so as to avoid burning their tongue.

ㅤㅤ" hey, that's— "ㅤpause. squint. open mouth. close mouth. furrow eyebrows. go in for another, larger sip. still looking rather perplexed as they hold the sip in their mouth for an extra moment, byan swallows and gives it a second for the aftertaste to hit again.

ㅤㅤ" that's really good, "ㅤthey finally decide, their smile returning with a hint of puzzlement as they meet sol's gaze.ㅤ" tastes like a normal peppermint mocha at first, but then there's, like... this whisper of somethin' else that caught me by surprise. i like it, though! i'm gonna finish it, actually — i was gonna weasel a regular mocha outta you, but this shit's even better. "ㅤeyebrows wiggle playfully, and byan raises the cup to their mouth for yet another drink, during which they hum their appreciation for his creation. finishing with a slightly obnoxious smack of their lips, they nod.ㅤ" yep, definitely add this one to the menu. 'f no one else likes it, i'll drink enough of it for all of 'em. "

#lee-sol #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ answered: ic ⋮ i am a vulture that feeds on pain.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ verse: adulthood.#this is the absolute fluffiest thing i've written in a while #but it's CUTE i'll always love him having them try his drink ideas #and once he tells them that that hint of something is hazelnut? they'll suggest hazelmint mocha for the name

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rehkkuma · 3 years

Text

she's all yours | okuyasu x reader

summary: unlike his partner in crime, Okuyasu lacked experience in the dating field. Once he believes that he may have a chance with his crush, his best friend begins to get in the way.

words: 1.8k

disclaimers/tags: fem pronouns, modern AU (basically just phones being involved), tiny bit of angst, fluff, and cursing.

He was staring again. The poor 16-year-old boy couldn't help but notice every single detail about her: the slight tilt in her walk whenever she went up the stairs, how she would tie her shoes, and the unfortunate glint of light in her eyes whenever she spoke with his best friend.

Y/n L/n was someone extremely special to him (whether she knew it or not). She could read his expressions so clearly, sometimes knowing more about Okuyasu than Okuyasu did himself. The emotions he couldn't quite put his finger on, she always had an answer to. At times, he felt undeserving of the friendship he had with her. After coming to terms with his developing feelings for the girl, of course she began to get closer with his best friend.

He was painfully aware of the difference in treatment he received compared to Josuke. While Josuke could be referenced as Morioh's pretty-boy delinquent, Okuyasu was more like the intimidating ruffian that stood by his side. Obviously, Y/n did not think of Okuyasu in that way, but her perception of him didn't matter if he was considered nothing more than a friend.

"Hey," Josuke called out, concerned for his friend.

"Y-Yeah?" Okuyasu stuttered, trying to regain his thoughts.

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

Okuyasu silently thanked Y/n for standing in a crowd with other students. If she stood any further from the school's front entrance, it would've been easy for Josuke to pinpoint who he was eyeing.

"Nothing, really. Just thought I saw a cute girl."

Josuke shrugged his shoulders, repositioning himself so his back laid more comfortably against the tree. "Well, if you do see one, ask 'em out or somethin'. I wanna see you have your first kiss before we graduate," he chuckled.

"Mhm, yup," Okuyasu responded, eyes now glued to the grass he was sitting on. He was about to spew out a self-deprecating joke but stopped himself once he noticed Y/n approaching the two of them. Immediately, he recognized Josuke's energy shift from disinterest to eagerness.

"Y/n!" Josuke cheerfully said, waving at the girl.

"Hi, you two!" she waved back. Once coming close enough, she sat down along with the boys, her knees lacing together in a criss-cross position. Because of the short distance between her and Okuyasu, the boy could smell the flowery essence emitting off of her body. He wasn't too fond of fragrances, but the one Y/n had was light and sweet-- perfectly suiting her personality.

Before he knew it, Okuyasu was staring again. The only thing that got him to snap back into reality was the cry of laughter Y/n let out after Josuke made a funny remark.

"Did you hear that Okuyasu?" Y/n choked out, leaning back with both hands on her stomach.

"Y-Yeah." Okuyasu fake laughed, really having no clue what the hell was going on.

"God," Y/n sighed as she wiped off the faint tears forming in her eyes. "I wish I could hang out with you guys a bit longer, but I just wanted to drop by and say hi. I gotta help out with some chores tonight."

"It's all good," Josuke smiled. "But only if you promise to call me tonight."

The girl rolled her eyes while getting up from the ground. "We'll have to see about that, Jojo!" She then stuck her tongue out before scurrying off to her house.

Josuke chuckled, slowly placing his chin on the palm of his hand. "She's pretty cute, isn't she?" he said, eyes glued to the girl's figure in the distance.

"Yeah, she sure is."

* * *

Okuyasu could remember the first time he met her as clear as day: his hands were tucked deep into his pockets, feet dragging along the sidewalk while he was on his way to school. Unlike his regular routine, Josuke was unable to walk with him due to an argument breaking out between him and his mother. It seemed like a bummer at the moment, but maybe it was actually a blessing in disguise.

"Fuck!"

In front of Okuyasu's feet laid a girl. Her uniform was stained with a bright red juice and its can rolled next to her. He didn't recall exactly what happened, but he did feel someone's face hit his chest before hearing a thud.

"I didn't get any on you, did I?" the girl asked with panic.

Okuyasu, hands still in his pockets, shook his head. "Mnn. Don't think you did."

"Okay, thank God. These stains are so hard to get rid of."

That was one of the first things that Okuyasu remembered from Y/n. Her casual way of talking was enough to make any stranger feel like a good friend. Something about this girl piqued his interest.

"Guess it's not your first time, huh?" he hummed.

"You'd think I'd learn my lesson after the third time."

After the small accident, Okuyasu took the girl to the laundromat. Classes would begin in any minute, but neither one of the pair minded skipping it.

"Oi, what're you gonna be wearin' in the meantime? Don'tcha think the teacher's gonna kick your ass for showing up like that?" Okuyasu pointed at the revealing tank top she wore.

"Yeah, definitely. That's why you should totally let me borrow your top," she winked.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself. I don't even have a clue on what your name is."

"L/n." she replied crassly. "It's Y/n L/n."

That was several months ago. Since then, their relationship started to significantly grow. From sending short texts to sharing a few inside jokes, to hanging out every other day after school. In Okuyasu's eyes, it was inevitable for him to fall for a girl like her.

Right before he could spill about his crush to his best friend, Josuke had already introduced himself to her. It crushed Okuyasu to see the girl he loves slowly start to move on from him-- to his own best friend nevertheless.

All of his frustrations were best to be kept to himself. No way could he express his jealousy to Josuke or Y/n. Out of all the girls that fawned over Josuke, why did she have to be one of them?

**Brring**

Okuyasu rolled his body to the other side of his bed. On a nightstand was his phone that rang. The alarm was just loud enough to break through the pessimistic thoughts roaring through his brain.

"Who's this?" he asked, too lazy to check the contact number.

"It's me, Okuyasu! Why, is it that hard to use a second of your time to check the contact name?"

He recognized that voice anywhere. It was her.

"Aw, look. I was in bed, alright?" he smiled, feeling his mood change immediately after speaking with her.

A small giggle echoed from the other end of the phone. "Alright! I wasn't here to nag you all night anyways." The girl then cleared her throat with a cough before soon speaking again. "I was thinking we should hang out tomorrow. For ice cream, maybe. Just us."

Small butterflies began to form in his stomach from hearing the last sentence. "Just us" had never sounded better.

"Sounds good to me."

"Great!" she nearly interrupted. "A-Ah, sorry! I just got excited. It feels like we've been parting ways the past couple of weeks, but I promise tomorrow's gonna make up for it!"

"It's alright," Okuyasu sighed. "See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow!" she repeated.

* * *

Was it just Okuyasu or did she look way cuter today? The makeup she wore differed from the one she usually had on, her accessories managed to compliment her eyes even more, and she even put an effort into customizing her uniform like Josuke and Okuyasu despite expressing her laziness multiple times. She looked like an absolute doll.

"Hmph." She huffed. "You've been doing that a lot lately," she said flatly.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at me like I'm some crazy person."

Okuyasu internally panicked for a few seconds but composed himself. "You just look pretty lately, that's all."

He expected a cheeky comeback in return but was left with a bashful smile from her instead.

"Let's just hurry up and get ice cream..." she said, eyes faced to the ground.

Okuyasu nodded at her suggestion and began to walk, making sure his pace wasn't too fast for Y/n. He'd occasionally give a glance at her direction to know if he was walking at a comfortable speed for her.

Several minutes of walking and a few casual conversations later, the duo made it to the ice cream shop. Y/n ordered a mix of her two favourite flavours while Okuyasu ordered two scoops of mocha almond fudge. Feeling a bit more gentleman-like today, Okuyasu insisted on paying for the both of them.

"Thanks for the ice cream!" the girl said, taking a small lick of the cone. "I feel like the more I hang out with you, the more things I owe you back," she chuckled as the two left the shop.

"Don't sweat it. Hangin' out with you's enough for me." Okuyasu smiled.

"Ah, really?" she blushed. "That's... really sweet of you."

There she did it again. No witty comeback. Just a flustered reply.

"Somethin' up with you? Eat something bad today?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"You're just actin' a bit different, that's all. Not sayin' it's bad though. I kinda like it." Okuyasu continued to walk on the sidewalk but stopped once he realized Y/n was frozen still. "Hey, you comin'?"

Y/n began to slowly jog her way to Okuyasu. When she caught up with him, she paused once more, now looking into the young boy's eyes. "I feel like you don't hear yourself talk sometimes," she said. "I can't tell if you're flirting or you're just naturally this oblivious."

He didn't know how to respond. He was starting to get nervous from how close their faces were. If he wanted to, he could practically count each beauty mark on her face.

"Well?" she said.

"Well..." Okuyasu tried to come up with something but found himself paying more attention to the girl's lips. They looked plush and soft with a slight glossy coat from the ice cream.

Eventually, the girl noticed where he was looking at. Slowly, she closed the already small gap between the two.

"Okuyasu," she breathed out with a gentle tone. "I really like you."

"I-" he stuttered. "Not Josuke?"

"Josuke?" She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and chuckled. "I don't know what you think is going on between us, but it's not that. He's not exactly my type either."

Okuyasu couldn't believe what he was hearing. Before he could say anything back, he felt her lips against his right cheek. It was a delicate kiss. Maybe a bit sticky, but it made his heart do several backflips nevertheless.

Once her lips left his skin, she stood awkwardly in front of him. The way she looked up at his eyes with that lovestruck gaze made Okuyasu realize something he didn't before: he wouldn't need to jealous of other guys. It was clear that Y/n L/n was all his.

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everythingsinred · 3 years

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 16)

We've just seen a pretty stressful arc, and on the other end of this post is yet another stressful arc. Upcoming is little break from serious plotlines to focus more on relationship growth and introduce some concepts that may seem minor now but will be pretty important later (though that will especially be the case for Mikan's perspective).

I'm on something of a vacation right now so I don't have a lot of time to format and work on this. The editing might be somewhat limited so if there's more mistakes than usual (not that I ever make mistakes) then I'm very sorry.

Chapter Seventy-One

The next few chapters are a welcome respite from the stresses of two major arcs. We just had to deal with Natsume’s heavy backstory, Mikan’s near-death experience, and a lot of fighting. The next major arc is the Sport Fest, and that gets pretty heavy very early on. So having a short break like this is more than needed so that we can catch our breath and maybe foolishly hope that everything will stay “back to normal”.

We join Natsume, who is again looking wistfully at the little Christmas-wrapped bag. We still aren’t entirely sure what’s in it, reading for the first time, but we can surmise it has something to do with Mikan. But reading for the nth time, we know that it’s his alice stone, and he’s been keeping it with himself since at least New Year’s, but probably earlier as well.

Quick! Put that away, it's embarrassing!

He’s interrupted by Ruka, who is eager to spend time with his friend. They’re both able to laugh and joke with each other, which prompts Ruka to say that he knows Mikan helped Natsume get to the point where he can laugh freely.

It’s interesting, because, even though it should be, Natsume’s DA class life is not necessarily any easier. In fact, it’s harder. He’s going through more now than ever as a way to take all the punishment for the problems with the Hana Hime party. And yet somehow, despite all that, he’s still able to smile. He’s light-hearted. He’s at peace with his life, content simply to stand in the same vicinity as Mikan.

Natsume’s love for her is pure and innocent. All he wants is to keep her safe. Seeing her happy makes him happy. The fact that she considers him a friend is more than enough to keep him smiling. He is not morose that she probably doesn’t feel the same. In fact, in a lot of ways, he’d prefer she doesn’t, because he still can’t give much more than he already is.

So, yes, he can smile, despite his life not being much easier, all because Mikan is in it.

Ruka then points out another fact, that he knows Natsume stayed to protect Mikan.

Natsume confirms it. He says he’ll protect Mikan from anything that stands in her way, no matter what.

In the TokyoPop, he just says something like "no matter what" but here he just goes out and says it (sacrificing my own life...). Natsume's fate was obvious from the start. It was all leading to a specific outcome. It was always going to happen this way. He's just too eager...

This scene is a further example of how that scene from after the Christmas Ball has really changed their friendship. They are more open with each other. They have conversations. They laugh together. They communicate. There are still some topics Natsume won’t touch, but he can be open with Ruka about this.

Ruka says he wants to protect her too, because he also likes Mikan, and because he wants to keep Natsume smiling. After all, Ruka promised that if Natsume wasn’t smiling, he wouldn’t either, and now Natsume is smiling. That’s worth protecting, because it didn’t come easy.

There truly are no hard feelings between them about Mikan. They aren’t turning bitter, or arguing over her. There’s no resentment. They loved each other before they loved Mikan and ultimately they just want the other to be happy. And whoever Mikan chooses to love, if it even ends up being one of them, would be fine, because she’ll be happy too. Moreover, they both seem to be somewhat rooting for the other, and always have been, especially Natsume. He wants Ruka and Mikan to be happy, and because he’s aware that his life will be cut very short, he doesn’t think she will be happy if she chooses him, which would never happen, in his own mind. Why would anyone choose him over Ruka?

Ruka then reminisces on the day they both first met Mikan, where we get a full explanation of why Natsume tried to escape that day: not because of Misaki-sensei’s claims that Natsume was a repeat escapee, but because he was getting bullied and wanted a letter from his dad.

The story ends and they both notice Mikan crying, trying to find Hotaru. She finds Narumi instead, who makes a comment that he knew from the moment he first saw her that she’d save Natsume, and confirms that’s why he made her his partner. Now that Natsume is no longer such a troublemaker, and that he has done his job in helping him, there’s less of a weight on his shoulders. Of course, the wind is raging and she can’t hear him, but Natsume heard.

Who the fuck is Narumi calling a burden?

He’s angry because Narumi is right. He also finally knows who exactly pulled the strings to make them partners, and that he’s in love with her because of Naru’s meddling. So he jumps down from the tree and kicks him, causing Mikan, who was in his arms, to be flung far away.

That gives Natsume enough time to scold Naru for hugging Mikan in the first place, and also for having the audacity to say Natsume’s behavior was a weight on his shoulders. Essentially, stay out of my business, despite the fact that Narumi sticking his nose in Natsume’s business is exactly the reason Natsume is so happy right now.

But even when Natsume storms off and Mikan angrily follows him, and they’re both trailed by Ruka, Narumi can see the truth. He was spot on.

Chapter Seventy-Two

This chapter is a fountain of lore! There’s so much new information and the online scans have kept me ignorant to it for a long time! There’s a lot of text and info, so it might be daunting to have to translate it all and write it out, but the price of saving time is that fans who care will be at a disadvantage.

I wanted to share some of the information that I’d found lacking in the scans just in case anybody wanted to know: the more powerful a user is, the more control they have over a stone’s size, shape, and vividness of color. Thus, Tono, a powerful alice user, can make his alice stone look like an eggplant. You could imagine a powerful user making their stone heart-shaped, or more circular or ovular depending on what they like best. The color of the alice stone reflects the user’s personality and maybe even their alice, not necessarily their favorite color, which is how Ruka’s ends up being a cream/brownish color, and not blue like I’d imagined for years. Koko reads some color meanings from an aura textbook to help sort out what the colors in a stone might signify.

This is all brought on anyway by Mikan being followed by an aquamarine alice stone, which we can tell is probably Sakurano’s. Out of loyalty to Yuka, he has strong wishes of wanting to protect Mikan, hence the stone following her around and being aquamarine, which symbolizes feelings of compassion and care.

Natsume and Ruka are both confused about this stone--it’s neither of theirs, after all--but since Mikan has so many friends who care for her, even amongst the staff and upperclassmen, it honestly could have come from anybody.

Although everyone wants to see Natsume make an alice stone, seeing as he is the most powerful alice user in Class B, Narumi makes it clear that he’s already learned everything there is to know about making stones, and thus can do whatever he wants during the lesson, which is what Natsume had wanted. This is intriguing information, because Narumi says specifically, “There’s nothing more we can teach him,” which begs the question: how does Narumi know? Has Natsume shown the staff his alice stone? It’s unlikely he would’ve asked a teacher for help in creating one, since he doesn’t trust any of them as far as he can throw them. But maybe, in order to get out of doing the lesson, he showed a teacher his alice stone to prove that he doesn’t need to be taught anything.

Tono brings up one last tip before they all begin to make their first alice stones. For once, you’re not using your alice for your own use. Somebody else will be using your stone, so how you feel about the person will come out in the stone, whether it’s good or bad. Wanting to protect or harm somebody, whether you have concern or resentment towards them, it will all show up in the stone, so focusing on certain emotions is tantamount to getting the result you want. These feelings can also influence the color, like everything else.

Red is mentioned as being a color of passion and strong feelings, and although Natsume's alice stones are all red anyway, according to his personality, it's interesting that when he makes a stone just for Mikan, it comes out as such a vibrant red. He is very passionately in love with her and it shows in the color. He also only had to think of her to get such a huge stone, and although that's also due to the fact that he has such a powerful control over his alice, it's also impressive that just thinking of her yielded such results.

It is after this lecture that Mikan is finally made aware of the true meaning behind exchanging alice stones and the romantic significance it can carry. Anna and Nonoko explain that the romantic tradition is what inspires girls to give stones with their chocolates on Valentine’s Day, and that it can also connote a proposal of marriage.

Mikan freaks out now that she knows what she and Ruka essentially promised. Natsume can see that she’s freaking out, but because he saved himself this humiliation by rejecting Mikan’s stone, the only person he’d really be concerned for is Ruka, whose feelings he was initially protecting by not telling Mikan anything that night.

Before anything crazy can really happen, everyone starts the lesson and gets to work making their stones. Although Iinchou and Hotaru are more successful, making stones that can actually be seen and held without a microscope, the rest of Class B isn’t quite as skilled yet. They’re all exhausted from the effort, even if it only gave them pebbles as a result, and all somewhat embarrassed and depressed that they couldn’t make bigger stones.

So Tono suggests they play “Alice Stone in the Dark”, that is, that you find someone in the dark and when the lights come back on, you have to exchange stones. Class B only gets really into this idea at the concept of getting their hands on a useful alice to make the most of the possible combinations.

He has this expression for the whole scene. He's so cute when he's flustered.

Thus the game begins, and even Natsume participates, albeit reluctantly. He’s probably just trying to avoid other people and possibly being forced to exchange stones--because he’s not going to make one on the spot and he doesn’t want to give away the stone that rightfully belongs to Mikan.

It turns out luck is on his side, because someone grabs his hand and when the light comes back on, the person is Mikan! She smiles in relief that she was able to find him, and explains that she wanted to force her stone on him. She keeps blabbing on and he doesn’t say a single word the whole time, just standing there shocked because of all the people in the class, Mikan wanted to give her stone specifically to him.

He's never gonna lose that tiny pebble... this is one of the best things that's ever happened to him.

It’s tiny and practically unusable, but that doesn’t matter to him. This little pebble is enough for him. She wanted to give him her stone, because she cares about him, and that gesture is enough to finally spur Natsume into leaving her his alice stone by her bedroom window. It’s more or less anonymous, but he wants her to know that she is thoroughly loved too, even if she has no idea who loves her this much.

Chapter Seventy-Three

It’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise Hell on Earth for popular Alice Academy boys. The romantic and sweet ingredients for chocolates at a normal school are replaced with potions and chemicals and pranks. The more popular and beloved you are, the worse your experience on Valentine’s Day will be.

Mikan decides to give her chocolates to all her friends, but they make it clear to her that accepting chocolate from anyone less than your true love would be terribly risky and stupid, so even if she does give it to all her friends, they probably wouldn’t eat them.

Maybe I’m wrong, but Natsume, who’s looking through a Sanrio catalog, wouldn’t be all that bothered about being one of many to receive chocolate from her. She specifically selected him to receive her pathetic alice stone, after all, and he’s made peace with the fact that they can never be together.

He does get bothered later, however.

He’s hiding, because it’s Valentine’s Day and he’s incredibly popular. He has an overly passionate fan club and closet admirers from all over campus, so being out in the open is dangerous business. He stays in the vents for a while, and thus he witnesses Mikan giving Ruka some Valentine chocolate, asking him to be the first to accept them. They both escape the classroom, Mikan dropping a little baggy of chocolates as she goes.

Natsume drops down and decides that he will be the first to accept them, actually, and eats them. It’s not anything huge, and Mikan won’t even find out that he ate them until a year later, but for now, he’s just acting on his own. He can be selfish here because nobody else knows about it. It’s just a harmless little thing to make himself feel better, with absolutely no consequences. Besides, he finds the chocolate disgusting, so no harm no foul.

Natsume, she couldn't have asked you first, she didn't even know where you were!

The climax of the chapter happens when all the most popular boys in school: Tsubasa, Tono, Natsume, among others, are all running from a stampede of rabid and sadistic girls. They’re flinging chocolates willy-nilly, desperate to get a catch. One is heading right towards Mikan, so Natsume gets in the way, catching it just in time, right when a girl flings one into his mouth.

Natsume has just consumed a love potion chocolate, selflessly, for Mikan (this chapter is so silly), so of course he’s now infatuated with Tsubasa, who is terrified, because it’s embarrassing and because Natsume will be pissed when the potion wears off.

This is very romantic but very ridiculous. Natsume really does take protecting Mikan quite seriously.

More or less, since the love potion is like a pheromone extract, we can see how Natsume has changed in his reactions to such an alice. In the very first chapter, Natsume passed out entirely from the pheromones. Misaki explained that someone entirely inexperienced in romance would pass out immediately, but Natsume is no longer inexperienced, so there’s way more of an effect.

The chapter isn’t particularly important, especially compared to the alice stone one, but it’s a silly little break from the real drama.

Chapter Seventy-Four

The next two chapters are joint, forming the little “Elementary Graduation” arc. We find out that students are to remain at the academy until they are twenty years old, so Natsume wouldn’t have to just power through another seven years, but nine until he could truly be free, and that’s much harder to accomplish.

Anyway, Mikan has seen the senior graduation and is inspired to do something special for the elementary graduation. She doesn’t just want to sing a lame song, she wants to do a special performance! Thus begins the drama of Sumire bossing everyone around because she’s one of the only kids with any real musical talent in a class full of amateurs.

One such amateur proves to be Natsume, who confidently selects the sax to play. Everyone, so convinced that he is talented at everything, is shocked to see how horribly he plays his instrument. Class B gets more and more enraged with Sumire’s attitude, only in part because the only lackluster performer she won’t call out is Natsume, who plays the worst of all of them.

The class breaks in two, and Sumire decides that she will play solo with two other partners who are musically inclined, leaving everyone in the dust. They cheer up eventually, when Ruka leads the class in an impromptu playing session, where everyone prioritizes fun over sound. Even Natsume joins in with his sax, and he seems to be making progress.

It's not a mandatory project, but he wants to join in anyway. (At some point Ruka comments, "You've gotten quite attached to that sax, haven't you?" which is cute because it shows Natsume doesn't just want to fit in, he's also genuinely interested in that specific instrument. Anyway Natsume as a famous jazz performer--)

Natsume electing to join in is very interesting. He doesn’t have to do this, especially because he’s terrible at the sax. He’s choosing to have fun with everyone and learn something new, even if everyone can see how bad he is to start with. He’s finally allowing himself to make friends, not just with Mikan, but with the whole class. He’s in a different place than in the first few chapters. Sure, he still has a fan club and devoted followers, but instead of viewing them as vessels to pass the time at best and annoyances at worst, he now considers them his friends. He wants to spend time with them and have fun together. And, no it wouldn’t have happened without Mikan’s help, but Natsume had to accept the change. He helped go on a mission to save Iinchou and Hotaru, to help Class B, and ever since he’s been slowly getting more involved in class. His birthday in particular also highlighted that his classmates care genuinely about him, so it’s made him all the more willing to repay the favor.

Chapter Seventy-Five

Mikan wants the two rival factions to make up, specifically Sumire and Koko. Nothing she says is enough to inspire peace and she’s distraught that no progress is being made.

She sees Natsume and Ruka playing with fireworks for no reason. They can tell instantly that she’s still bothered about Permy’s falling out from the rest of the class. Last chapter, Ruka tried to help Mikan by cheering everyone up and starting a little music session. This chapter, Natsume gives her advice. He says all relationships have ups and downs, and Permy is just aggravating the situation because she’s a kid and doesn’t know better. They all care about each other; they just need time to figure it out. And besides, he says, it’s way more Mikan’s style to give them an excuse to make up rather than forcing them to communicate. This cheers Mikan up and she runs off to come up with an idea.

They haven't known each other for a full year even but he still knows her pretty well. How cute!

Ruka teases Natsume for watching her and being a stalker, and we can see that despite what Natsume said about all relationships going through fights every once in a while, Natsume and Ruka won’t be having a fight anytime soon, least of all over Mikan. They accept each other’s feelings and are just happy to be happy and crushing on a girl together.

And Natsume has been paying attention, clearly, because he always keeps his eye on Mikan. Of course, he does this to keep her safe, because she’s being used against him by the DA Class, but also because he loves her. He wants to know everything about her, and see her everyday, so naturally small things about her would click into place for him.

Later, when Mikan figures out how to make everyone make up, Natsume is one of the first people to step up and help Permy. He’s helping Mikan too, because what she wanted more than anything was for everyone to make up, and it will help give the rest of the class the courage to step up too. He loves her, so he’s willing to embarrass himself playing the sax to help her bring everyone together again.

Conclusion

Chapter Seventy-Six has almost no Natsume in it, and his few appearances are pretty unimportant. He doesn’t do or say anything, so I felt comfortable skipping it. Anyway, these little chapters showed just how much Natsume has changed since he met Mikan. He’s now involved with the class, willing to have fun and embarrass himself. He is much more like he was before the academy stole all his vivaciousness. Of course, he’ll never be that kid again. He’ll always be more mature and selfless than he should be, but at least he can smile and laugh with the others for now. In the next essay, we’ll see that happiness evaporate as the academy narrows in on Mikan.

I don't think I'll be able to post on Monday, sadly. I'll try to post next Friday instead to make up for it, and to keep up four-day-a-week posting. I don't want y'all to catch up to where I am quite yet, so I'm going to put in a lot of effort into writing as much as I can whenever I can over these next few weeks. Thanks for reading, beloveds.

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