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#all the world's monsters
thecreaturecodex · 2 years
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Wazoon
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Image © @tredlocity​
[Commissioned by @crazytrain48​. This is an Arduin-adjacent monster. It didn’t appear in any “official” Arduin book, but was written by Dave Hargrave for the All the World’s Monsters series, a collection of three mimeographed books of monsters, many of which had previously appeared in Arduin products. They’re very charming. The wazoon’s entry makes references to “rasslin” and “fermented bungleberry juice”, so it’s pretty clear it’s supposed to be a fantasy version of a Comedy Hillbilly. Pathfinder already has evil hillbilly stereotypes as monsters in the ogre, so it felt right to connect the two. Less Texas Chainsaw Massacre, more Snuffy Smith. And tredlocity’s art definitely captures the Li’l Abner vibe.]
Wazoon CR 4 N Humanoid (Giant) This oversized humanoid creature has scaly yellow skin, blank pink eyes, and long purple hair. It wears no armor, but carries an enormous sword.
A wazoon is a boisterous, bold type of giant found in backwoods and hill country. Their own creation myth holds that they are the descendants of a tribe of ogres that were transformed into creatures with more sense, intelligence and a clashing color palette by fey, following some unwitting good deed the ogre performed for the fey. Different clans have different ideas about what that deed was, and what kind of fey was involved, but all of them feel deeply indebted to fey creatures. As such, wazoons are exceedingly friendly to gnomes, halflings, and anyone else under three feet tall, in case they are fey or fey in disguise. Elves, on the other hand, are typically disliked for being snooty and condescending.
Wazoons like physical sports and games, particularly those that rely on muscle over agility. Wrestling is their favorite, and wazoons will often challenge anyone or anything vaguely humanoid to a wrestling contest as a way of making friends or settling disputes. These are typically nonlethal affairs from the wazoon’s end, but if a foe insists on drawing blood, a wazoon will do the same. Wazoons are literally fearless, and may enter a rage if injured—a raging wazoon doesn’t back down, and often fights to the death.
The most important thing to a wazoon is its clan, which is usually sprawling and consists of several intermarried families. Wazoon clans sometimes go to war with each other, sometimes come together for marriages or festivals, and often have established wrestling rivalries, complete with team colors and songs. Wazoons love food and drink, and have a remarkable tolerance for poisons. Most toxins affect them with mere drunkenness instead of illness and death, and wazoon cuisine often contains poisonous berries, mushrooms and other stuff that would kill or debilitate a non-wazoon. Wazoon moonshine is coveted as an intoxicant by the foolhardy and to sterilize medical equipment by people with more sense.
A wazoon stands between seven and nine feet tall. Males and females both wear their hair long and braided, and armor is seen as a cowardly choice. Their teeth, fingernails and bones are green in hue.
Wazoon CR 4 XP 1,200 N Large humanoid (giant) Init +5; Senses low-light vision, Perception +4 Defense AC 18, touch 10, flat-footed 17 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +8 natural) hp 42 (5d8+20) Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +1 Immune fear Defensive Abilities metabolize poison Offense Speed 40 ft. Melee greatsword +7 (2d8+7/19-20) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks blood rage Statistics Str 21, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 12 Base Atk +3; CMB +9 (+11 when grappling); CMD 20 (22 vs. grapple) Feats Improved Grapple (B), Improved Initiative, Martial Weapon Proficiency (greatsword), Power Attack Skills Climb +9, Intimidate +5, Perception +4, Profession (brewer) +4, Survival +4 Languages Common, Giant Ecology Environment temperate forest and hills Organization solitary, pair, party (3-8) or camp (9-24 plus 50% noncombatants) Treasure standard (greatsword, other treasure) Special Abilities Metabolize Poison (Ex) If a wazoon fails a saving throw against a poison effect, it does not take ability damage or drain. It instead is sickened for 10 minutes per point of ability damage or drain it would take. A wazoon can still suffer other effects from a poison (such as sleep from drow poison), and can still take ability damage or drain from another source (like a wraith’s touch or a disease).
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 days
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Expertise can't help you here.
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1-50thofabuck · 2 months
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As always, this was written on the fly without research or referencing anything else. So if I say something incorrect it's because I was forcing myself to work from memory and I don't want to look anything up as I write each part. If I research or discover something in between articles I'll add that info to the next article. This one likely contains misspellings, typos, poor wording, etc as again, I wanted to write on the fly conversationally and not sit and workshop it into a prose poem. I added a few things after I wrote the article but it will be clear what those parts are. In future articles I won't explain all this, just wanted to make it clear again as I get into the monster writeups. PLEASE comment corrections, thoughts, insights, opinions, and insults. I'm lonely!
All the World’s Monsters: Readthrough Part II: Air Squid to Archer Bush(the complete “a”s!)
Finally! The Monsters!
That’s what I’m talkin’ about. All the text for the monsters is IN CAPS, SO THE ENTIRE ENTRY READS LIKE THIS. WHEN QUOTING I WILL NOT USUALLY DO THIS BECAUSE IT WOULD GET ANNOYING, DON’T YOU THINK? So if I quote “blah blah blah” it actually reads “BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
Air Squid
Starting off with a bang. I said before this is the kind of thing I love. Flying squids rule! So, let’s dive in(fly in?). 
Each chapter begins with a drop cap, which is nice. The little detail of the fighter dropping their sword is cool. I dig it.
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This is a Dave Hargrave monster, and that’s one of the names we’ll see a lot. It’s an intelligent monster, with IQ range 2d6, i.e., they have Intelligence scores of between 2-12, so, from almost animal intelligence to quite bright. Chaotic, neutral is its alignment, with the comma between the two just like that. Remember, in Holmes Basic, which this was following, PCs couldn’t even choose to be chaotic neutral - it was true neutral or nothing. I’m not sure if this applied to monsters - I’ll have to look through the Holmes list again. It may even be reflecting a single axis alignment system and noting that the creature could be either chaotic or neutral. Hmm. (I’ll know by the next article, I’m trying to more or less honestly write this on the fly!) (Note: I figure it out with one of the following monsters.) I won’t go into all this with future monsters, just a note for the first one.
Hit dice from 6-12d8+1, with size ranging from 35 to 75’ long. (I did read ahead through the A’s, and I thank Hargrave for clueing us in; you’ll find a frustrating number of monsters whose size is “shrug.”) Quite a spread, but not really illogical. It seems to be one of those things that early writers did that ended up not being the standard: giving many monsters a fairly wide HD range, where most monsters in official publications didn’t have any HD range at all. 
AC of 7 seems okay, interesting that it doesn’t scale off of HD in any way, but not incorrect necessarily. Fly 12 seems reasonable. Dexterity range 1d6+6 is okay I suppose? 
The air squid is found outdoors, in water(so presumably it swims too even though only flight speed is listed?), and of course, “air.” These don’t get as specific as other D&D writeups that would include mountains, swamps, forests, hills, and not just “in the air.” I don’t believe any monster stats had an entry or “slot” like that previously, like a part of the stat block or writeup that says “environment” or “terrain” or “found in.” I think it wouldn’t be til 2nd Edition that that became a standard part of the stat block. That info still existed by way of the wandering monster tables. For example, a monster is found on the tables for hills and mountains then obviously those are the two places in which they can be found. Also, the “interpreting the monster entries” section lists cities, mountains, and so on, so they were aware of the idea. Granted, the editors came up with the explanations for the environment types, or as they phrase it, “found in,” and apparently didn’t enforce much consistency. The air squid’s lair is “on mountain peaks.” Sure, why not?
15% chance in lair, only 1 ever encountered, and they always have a type E treasure. 
Here’s where it gets really crazy: this thing has 13 attacks, and the size/HD doesn’t matter: the tentacles cause 1d8 points of damage in “constriction,” though there are no rules for this. Presumably the monster just grabs, crushes, and releases. Would it come to ground to do this? Just hover around the ground grabbing and crushing, not grabbing, holding, and flying up high to release? Meh. Plus a d10 damage with its beak. The damage not scaling isn’t really a big deal, but the attacks seem a bit wonky. 
Why no ink spit? I’d find that a lot more interesting than a ton of attacks, personally. Being described as “sky-blue,” one would also expect a surprise bonus, at least situationally. Oh, and if you wondered how it flies? Hargrave didn’t just go with “Uh, magic, like, probably an insane wizard’s experiment or something, you know?” but instead attempted to give something of a naturalistic explanation with the squids being “helium-filled.” I can’t help but imagine popping a fully-inflated air squid with a well-placed arrow or spear. It could become like a mini game, with characters trying to pop air squids as they fly by. An attraction at the most incredible carnival ever to exist. Sure only 1 is supposed to appear but let’s be serious with our lack of seriousness. 
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Not much else to say about the air squid really. It’s pretty cool. With a generation of hindsight it could use some workshopping in my opinion but these were pioneers, dangit. The next entries won’t focus on some of the topics I focused on here because now they’re been addressed. 
Airfang
The second monster in the book, and the first “..wtf?” Like, what actually is this thing? It’s apparently “tiny,” with an HD range of 8-12. What is “tiny” in this context, since official “size categories” such as tiny, small, medium, and large were not to come for a while(I don’t think it was until 2nd Edition AD&D)? Is tiny how I would interpret “tiny” if someone told me something was “tiny?” Itty-bitty? Probably not. A foot? Who knows how tiny this up to 12 HD monster with 2 attacks scoring 3d4 damage each could be? 
It’s a “metallic scaled creature” with an armor class of 2+4(?) that is “mostly mouth, tentacle, and wings.” Huh. It reminds me of some of the random little enemies in old NES games that swarmed you and you had trouble even figuring out what the heck they even were. Of course, most of those didn’t eviscerate a starting character in a round or two by dealing massive amounts of tiny damage from its tiny tentacles and tiny mouth. 
Is the 2+4 representing separate areas for the tentacles and body(because a “tiny” creature should definitely have different AC ratings by location, a mechanic that was kind of trash even on the few official monsters that used it). Or maybe they meant 2-4, which should more properly be 4-2, reflecting that the AC improves as it increases in HD? 
Once again, we’re given very specific locations that these abominations can be found, such as “outdoors.” Well that sure narrows it down, thanks. Like the air squid, it’s also found in “water” and “air.” So, basically, literally everywhere. And why in Discordia’s name is it found in water anyway? It has scales and tentacles I guess? It’s faster than the air squid, with a flight speed of 24! I forgot to mention, it also “latches on with its mouth and then bites repeatedly,” so I’m not sure if this implies that it only has to attack once with its mouth and then it auto-hits, or if this is just a descriptive visual, but either way, it’s pretty lame. 
You encounter 3d6 of these, too. 3d6 tiny, indescribable monsters that inexplicably have a mountain of HP and have the potential for enormous damage, swarming a PC. Just imagine using these and explaining how their appearance is totally silly, they’re too tiny and fast to potentially make out, one of them took an entire round of hits from the entire party and didn’t die, three of them reduced one party member to bones in a round, somehow, and potentially, some of them are automatically inflicting damage after “latching on.” If your players don’t quit on you, you’ve either built up a huge Loyalty rating with them, or they’re just very, very lacking in discrimination. Or perhaps you knew they’d enjoy a good, absurdist comedy encounter.
Its alignment is “hungry,” hahahahahahahaha! :| If this was a one-off joke, or it was a monster that was otherwise good, it’d be okay. Sadly to the first one, having peeked ahead, this isn’t the first time this “gag” is done in the “a” monsters alone. 
To the second one: this monster sucks. I have trouble believing that out of 5 billion entries, this boring, overpowered, uncreative nonsense was one of the best. 
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Mystery solved; turns out, this is an airfang
Ant Man
An obvious idea that would be done a number of times - and I’m not saying that as insult, at all - this version is based on creatures from a book, “Kavin’s World,” which could also be the name of a sci-fi sitcom. 
These also have a very wide HD range, from 1-14. Not having read the books or feeling that it would be worthwhile to research it, I can’t say how widely the ant men in it varied in strength. Their AC does not vary, at a very high 2. So even the single hit die ones are as tough as plate mail. They only move 6, so, fairly slow(I’ve seen some relatively quick ants). Their intelligence skews towards good - 2d6+6, varying from low to genius and averaging at high(13). Dex is average(3d6). Seems to me an ant’s might be a bit low, comparatively, but hey.
Neutral alignment is fair. Again, I have no idea how these things are in the book. They appear a lot of places, but no place unreasonable for an ant, much less an alien ant or whatever these things are. 200d20 of these appear in a lair, which even by ant standards seems pretty high, but book yadda yadda. Wandering or in lair they have the same amount of treasure, and a 100% chance of it, at that. Seems a bit odd but whatever.
Boy do they get a lot of attacks. 2 “hands”(quotes theirs), 2 stings, and a bite, scoring up to 44 points of damage plus poison from the stings which cause 4d6 on a failed save for another potential 24 damage… yikes. Keep in mind, this describes the 1 HD version and the 14 HD one. A 1 HD monster that can potentially cause 68 HP damage in one round. The bite says “HIT -2” but I’m not sure what that means. It’s a -2 to the attack roll with the bite? Or the damage is 2d6-2? I’m guessing the former, but I’m not positive.
Ant men are big-ass ant people with four arms, two which end in stingers, because sure! and two end in “hands” that score damage as a two-handed sword. They’re also immune to “mental spells,” which I assume means charm, fear, illusory magic, probably hold, and so on. They believe that other sentient species, including those with demonstrably similar intelligence, are cattle, which is not a very true neutral position to hold. Sounds neutral evil or lawful evil at best. “True Neutral. I believe that there should be a balance in all things. Nature is balanced, law and chaos must be balanced, good and evil must be balanced. And everyone not of our race are animals to be used as slaves and food.” Not seeing it.
I don’t know what to make of this one, but it’s not the strangest one I’ve seen so far, so it’s okay.
Ant, Giant
An expected monster, a classic. Is this the first time a giant ant was statted in print? I don’t know, but IT HAS FROM 1-27 HD. But it also doesn’t give an actual size range, so I imagine this is so you can stat from chihuahua sized giant ants to “Them!” giant ants up to true kaiju giant ants. This is also the first one we’re seeing that has an AC that scales to its HD, in this case “its armor class is 3 plus one third of the number of its hit dice, fractions are rounded up giving a range of 2 to -6.” Chuck Cady did well, I like it, and obviously pleasing me is everyone’s top priority. 
Its damage also scales, +1 per HD, which gets pretty high - arguably, unreasonably so - but on the other hand, one of my biggest gripes at high levels is how bad the damage often is by high level monsters(the tarrasque doesn’t do jack in damage to any party high enough in level enough to fight it), so I’m just a hypocrite. Wait. I just realized. I thought it was +1 per HD + acid, and it’s actually +1d3 per HD in acid damage. So a 27 HD giant ant doesn’t get +27 damage, it gets +27d3 damage. In acid. 
So its bite doesn’t scale, with a 1 HD rat-dog or a 27 HD kaiju ant scoring the damage of a short sword… plus or minus a few dozen d3 in acid. It seems really weird to me that the acid scales that greatly and not the bite, but… I’m kinda okay with it?
Do ants use acid? Hmm. Well, slugs don’t, so. At least there are only 3d20 of them in their lair and not 2,000+ of them like ant men.
“Alignment: any, hungry.” C’mon, Chuck. I’m introducing good-aligned giant ants and blaming you. The giant ant appears in all the same places as the Ant Man, even though this has a different creator. Ants can be found about anywhere, though…
I would be remiss not to mention the incredible description: “The generic description of the giant ants.” (In all caps of course.) Now we’ll never know exactly what an ant looks like. “I once lay awake long into the night, wondering just what kind of creature was the noble ant.”
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Ape, Desert
Back to Hargrave with another pretty decent monster. Desert apes are apes with a literal third eye with accompanying hypnotic powers. I think I’d have liked to see a full-scale psionic ape, but this is cool. Movement 10 is a bit unusual for the way this game scales movement, but I don’t have a problem with it. HD spread on this one is only 4-8, reasonable for rank and file apes up to the leader. Intelligence averages low at 2d6, with dexterity being high, equaling that of the very agile giant ant and ant man(for whatever reason). AC 4 is.. all right I guess.  
Chaotic neutral is okay, though I dislike the tendency to lean towards that alignment that seems to have existed since the beginning. I’d like to see hypnotic apes that are more lawful, allowing them to better take advantage of their incredible power, but honestly this isn’t a complaint. Despite how it may sound, very few of my comments are “complaints,” merely observations, though I may make them in a sardonic way in a lame attempt at humor. The truth is I highly respect the effort and passion that is put into these kinds of works, even if I joke otherwise. 
Found in “dungeons, open, deserts.” Can we just skip listing “dungeons?” Literally every smegging monster to ever exist is found in dungeons. Pterodactyls are found in dungeons. I’m sure treants are found in dungeons. Like, literally every monster is indexed to a specific “dungeon level” for the purpose of putting them in dungeons. There’s really no need to state “dungeons” on every single monster. Also, what is “open?” Is that the same as “outside?” Or do they mean non-forested, non-mountainous regions, like plains or something? The opening explanation for the book doesn’t list “open,” so it’s another case of monster creators doing what they want and the editors not enforcing any kind of continuity. It’s not a big deal, but I have to comment on it in a readthrough.
Two attacks, one being a rather heavy club(scoring 1d8 damage) and the other, hypnosis, which is listed as an attack with no real indication of what “hypnosis” actually entails, though it lists it as a “visual” attack, I guess because it’s using one of its eyes, so perhaps it means a gaze attack? Not sure if “gaze attack” was a term cemented into D&D/AD&D yet. Either way, is hypnosis the same as charm, or…? 
These apes cannot speak a normal language, though you might imagine they could, being of low human intelligence and having hypnosis and stuff. Alas, ape biology simply doesn’t allow for the forming of words like we use, and there’s no such thing as evolution or crazy magical effects to cause this to happen, and so we’re stuck with psionic apes only communicable with through magic such as speak with animals, and we’re told these chaotic neutral scoundrels will lie 30% of the time. 
Ape, Snake
This is one of those monsters that when you look at the name you just try to guess what it might be. An ape made of snakes? An ape with snake arms? An ape filled with snakes? This is another Hargrave monster,  with the most reasonable HD spread so far, 5-7. these small spreads are okay(not saying the larger ones can’t be, they’re just uncharacteristic of what we tend to see in official writeups). Technically they exist in AD&D for various humanoid monsters as well, they’re simply expressed differently: a stronger kobold is statted as a goblin, an even stronger one as an orc, etc. By the time you get to hobgoblins, their strongest members are statted as ogres. So their HD could have been shown as “1+1 - 4,” and it would have been a greater spread than the snake ape. 
Let’s skip to the description to see what this thing actually is. One line leaps out and suckers my face with tentacles: “Also known as an octorilla.” Dave, buddy, you could have called this an octorilla and you went with snake ape instead? Octorilla is much cooler, and gives an almost immediate idea of what it might be like. Was it so it would go into the book earlier, like why people give their businesses names beginning with “a” so they get in the front of the category in the yellow pages(back when people used yellow pages)? Tentacles aren’t snakes, Dave. “But maybe people back then wouldn’t have known!” People “back then” wouldn’t have known half the stuff we put in these games, let’s move on.
So, this thing was “spawned in the vats of chaos,” which was basically the precursor to “probably the result of a mad wizard’s experiment.” Both of these are the equivalent of Marvel Comics’ “they’re a mutant.” They are what they are and we don’t have time to come up with origins and explanations, dammit. (Not even kidding - mutants were created because Stan Lee was too lazy to continue to come up with origins for characters so he basically said “what if a mad wizard(God) did it?” I’ll wait for angry responses from Stan Lee fans “correcting” me about something I couldn’t actually care less about.)
AC actually has a range, from 6-7, or as I observed previously, should probably be listed as 7-6(I won’t comment on this in the future). Move 8 seems okay I suppose for an octorilla. Swim 6, so, it’s better running around on land than swimming. Intelligence very low, but not quite animal, averaging 5, with a high dexterity averaging 16! Why exactly? 
Alignment “chaotic,” so I suppose they are going with the single description alignments. Found in dungeons and “open,” again, among other places, specifically woods and water, which makes enough sense.  
This is another with way too many attacks. I really miss OD&D with 1 attack per character or monster regardless of how many arms it has or whatever. Two of its three attack types have scaling damage, and it’s high damage. It gets 4 attacks with its arms, which I guess is a punch or slam of some type, beginning at the same damage as a two-handed sword. The largest cause double this damage. Its beak begins at 1d8 and can also double for the largest ones. It also gets four “constrictions,” which score double its “regular damage,” so, 2d10 for the smallest and 4d1 for the largest? You know that’s overkill. 7 HD giants don’t do that kind of damage in a single attack(though they should). The description tells us that if a sucker-lined arm hits twice in a row or two arms hit in one melee turn(which was probably still 1 round in Holmes and not 10?) constriction takes place and continues until either party is dead. This is when I’m noticing it actually says “1-4 constrictions,” so maybe it only gets the arm attacks unless the previous conditions are met? It’s kind of confusing, and generally, such conditional attacks aren’t listed among the regular attacks like that, but this was an early time. It would certainly make the monster more reasonable if that’s the case. It also says that there’s only a need to make an attack roll for constriction “each turn” if someone is wearing plate mail. That tells me they do mean rounds, but what is the roll for? If they’re saying if an arm hits twice in a row or two hit in a round, the constriction is automatic, then there was already an attack roll made - two of them. Are they saying that constriction isn’t automatic if someone is wearing plate mail? I don’t get this at all.
Aside from some confusing aspects, including what this abomination actually looks like(sure, gorilla and octopus, complete with octopus beak - I still have no idea what that would look like), it’s a neat monster. I like it.
After completing Part II of this readthrough, I looked up “octorilla,” and found that such a monster was published in “the Arduin Grimoire II,” by Mr. Hargrave here. Perhaps Chaosium appealed to Hargrave to change the name because the book was lacking in “a” monsters, or he only really finally decided on “octorilla” between AtWM and tAGII, but I doubt it. Also remember that the introduction expressly stated that no “Arduin Grimoire” monsters are found here, and the second volume of tAG hadn’t been released yet, so this was probably a precursor to the later Arduin “octorilla.” You can see an OSE writeup and the original monster writeup here, complete with pictures(the modern version, not by Hargrave, skips the beak!).
Arceel
It would be understandable to think this was a made-up nonsense word by emphasizing the pronunciation incorrectly, like “ar-keel” or even “ar-seal,” but it is “arc eel,” as in electric eel. It’s man sized, and 10 HD! Sheesh! 
The AC is 2+6, the same thing its creator, Steve Henderson, did with his last entry, the nonsensical Airfang. “Its AC is high due to its rubbery skin.” Thanks for the important info, why does its Dex average high though? Also, it’s “repulsive,” lest you think it was adorable. 
It has low human intelligence, but never lairs nor has treasure(I guess it’s the lack of hands?). Chaotic in alignment, it only lives in swamps - not “outdoors” or in dungeons - and its swim rate is abysmal, maybe to allow PCs to escape when they realize this thing is an inexplicable bucket of HP that does 4d6 lightning damage. It’s described as a “lightning bolt,” but clarifies in the description that it “must touch its victim.” I’m not sure if “must touch” simply indicates that an attack roll must be made as opposed to it being an area of effect power, or if it also means that someone touching it takes damage. 
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These eels are a lot cooler, put them in your game instead
I wish it flew like the air squid. Water-based monsters get so little use, comparatively, in my opinion(though this could be a flaw in execution, i.e., people need to find ways to use them more). And the HD seems pretty high, really. I know it’s a nitpick, but I don’t care for the cutesy name either. Why not just call it “giant electric eel?” That’s what it is, man. It doesn’t even have acid or cold breath given to it by a mad wizard, or that it gained in the vats of Chaos, so it’s just a big-ass electric eel. 
Archer Bush
This is one we’ll see other places, such as Mystara. I suppose it’s one of those natural or obvious ideas that multiple people come up with, as mentioned before. It’s mentioned as being taken from the book “Symbiotica,” so it’s just as possible that whoever created it for Mystara was inspired by the same book.
It has no intelligence, but usually has treasure; which makes sense as it’s described as being a “guardian” creature, planted almost invariably for such a purpose. 
No alignment is given, not even a joke one like “alignment: wood.” That’s not funny, but neither is “hungry.” Speaking of which, it’s found in “open,” as well as woods. So I guess “open” must mean literally any outdoor area at all aside from cities, which are listed as their own environment, and ruins, which are actually considered part of the “cities” category for some reason. Which means technically, nobody ever plants these in the ruins in which they lair, nor do wealthy lunatics plant them around their yard for security. I’m sure the creator didn’t intend to make their use that narrow, I’m being pedantic, or something similar to it. I don’t think it actually needs an alignment, and sometimes I think systems overstat things that don’t need them. (DC Heroes was the worst for that, statting things like coins - and by the rules, the weakest human can snap one in half.)
One of the most reasonable HD attributions so far, and it doesn’t even have a spread! The AC is pretty low for something that could logically be argued to be a bit higher. Its dexterity is 12, so it’s going to act in melee a little faster than an average person; too bad it doesn’t get melee attacks, and it isn’t high enough to give it a bonus to its ranged attack, and monsters don’t really work like that anyway. It attacks with the “probability” of “a light bow fired by an eighth level fighter of average dexterity.” I don’t put “probability” in quotes to mock it, but to highlight a specific way that certain rules were often expressed early on that you didn’t see so much later. If you read the “AD&D Dungeon Master’s Guide” - and I‘m going to write a short article in the future on why you should, regardless of what RPG you run, and what parts are universally useful and often overlooked - Gygax goes into dice probabilities, and describes the potential universality of die rolls and how one can be exchanged for another. I talked about this a bit in the previous part. Looking at chances as probabilities, converting them to percentages, can be very useful. I also point this out to question why “light bow” is mentioned. One could argue it’s to reflect the range or damage or something, but it expressly states that it factors into its hit probability somehow. 
It certainly doesn’t factor into its damage, which is insane: it fires 50-100 needles, each of which score 1 HP damage, so we’re talking 50-100 HP of damage potential per round from one bush alone and they average 21 appearing at a time. And that’s before poison, which is save or die, meaning an average of 1,575 possible save or die attacks PER ROUND. That assumes all 21 are within range, but still.
Well, we’re done the “a”s, and I could use a breather after that last one. K. Jones, I’ll be watching you. 
Next time we sail into the “b”s, with the Bagda and Fallowman, and, oh I don’t know, tentatively end with the writeups of beetles. See you then!
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shitpostingkats · 3 months
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I wanna live in the yugioh world solely so I can watch the defucntland episode about Maximillion Pegasus.
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lilybug-02 · 6 months
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Wrong Door…
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@akanemnon a thing popped into my head and I am very impulsive. ❤️
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emberglowfox · 1 year
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gouger
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pxper-cranes · 9 months
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They just speak to me
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ninadove · 3 months
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Hello there.
[Slides elegantly into the tags]
Do you ever think about Emotion?
Of course you do. How could you not. But do you ever think about this exchange specifically:
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“You’re not Adrien!”
Because Adrien is sweet, and forgiving, and kind. In fact, kindness is his defining quality — Marinette herself made sure of it:
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“I’ll never tell another boy I love him before I know everything about him! Whether he’s kind or not, thoughtful, what he does outside of school and with who… I’ll know everything.”
But.
Do you ever think about Adrien’s development in S4 and especially S5?
Overtime, he has grown resentful of a system that exploits him relentlessly.
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Of the people he gave countless chances to, only to be let down over and over again.
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Of the web of lies and half-truths he constantly finds himself tangled into. A web that is only growing bigger, stickier, and trickier to escape.
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And the Senticousins. Do you ever think about them?
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Do you ever think about how they are each other’s reflection, identical and opposites all at once?
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“When you bring a living being into this world, you have a responsibility towards them. Your duty is to protect them, love them, help them discover the true meaning of their existence. To deprive them of that… is monstruous.”
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“To have a child is to help them blossom, to grow, to find themselves and to be free!”
Do you ever think about their opposite character arcs in S5 — one learning mercy and trust, the other developing a rage so strong it could destroy the world?
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Do you ever think that if Felix can now have this exchange with his mum, and mean it:
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“They’re all monsters!”
“Not all of them.”
Then there’s nothing stopping Adrien from saying this:
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“Look closer, Marinette. They’re the monsters.”
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the-indie-owl · 2 months
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I think I just somehow recently found an Interesting Platonic Trope here.
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rocketbirdie · 6 months
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plesioth mystery dungeon
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ameliathornromance · 4 months
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"Honey?" your Orc Boyfriend peers from your bedroom door. It's dark, the only light source is the candle that flickers dimly on your bedside table. It's stuffy and your bedcovers obscure your entire figure. But he knows you're there, he can smell you. And you smell sad.
You don't respond to his initial call. He comes over to you and bends down to your side of the bed. Your eyes are red and puffy, tears running down your cheeks silently.
"Not a good day, hm?" He asks you.
You don't respond, but that's all he needs to go and grab your favourite snack, a glass of water and your favourite book. He clambers on top of the bedcovers, opening the book to the first page.
"Tomorrow will be better, my love. One bad day does not mean the end of the world, although it may feel like it."
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columbojumpscare · 3 months
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Got the MHW:IB artbook and made myself very mad over how good the original Safi'Jiiva concept art was. I genuinely don't know what they were thinking when they made it what it is ingame.
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krirebr · 2 months
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Welcome to Your Life
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Pairing: dark vampire!Steve Rogers x f!reader
Word Count: ~3.75k
Summary: During a drunken night out on vacation, you're brought to a strange club and presented to a mysterious man. Part of Everybody Wants to Rule the World
Warnings: Horror elements, dark elements, mind control, some blood and gore, feeding on humans, captivity, dub/con, SMUT - All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI
Divider by @saradika
We're All Monsters
Masterlist
A/N: And here it is, the first part of Vampire Steve's solo story! If you missed his introduction, it was in I Can't Sleep Cause My Bed's On Fire. You don't need to read that before you read this, but some of the world-building (specifically how his club works) might be helpful. Plus, it's a vampire threesome, so 🥵🥵🥵
This is also the first part of the new, super-expanded supernatural universe that I'm doing with @paperweight91, playing off of what I started with my Psycho Killer AU. Big thanks to Chelsea for all her help on this and for just how much fun it's been to come up with ideas with her for this whole universe.
Now, where it might get slightly confusing, but I really hope it doesn't. This story introduces a new character, Cutter, who will eventually be a reader in one of Chelsea's stories in her werewolf half of this au. She is not physically described at all here, other than being a woman. I hope it gets you excited about what @paperweight91 has in store for her.
As always, any comments, reblogs, or asks are very appreciated. You know how much I love this Steve. Please come screech with me about him!!!
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You were shaking. That was the only thing you knew. You didn’t know where you were or what you were doing there. Not even how you’d gotten there, just that you were standing in the back room of some club, surrounded by people—were they people? Of course, they were. What else could they be?!—unable to move, and you couldn’t stop shaking.
You’d been on vacation with some friends in Berlin. You’d all decided to have a wild night out together but were quickly separated. While tipsily searching for them at a club, you’d bumped into a man, an American, who told you his name was Cole. And suddenly, looking for your friends didn’t seem as important. He’d told you he knew a great bar just a few blocks away. You didn’t really remember agreeing to go with him, but now you were here, in a room full of strangers who wouldn’t stop leering at you. No one had done anything or even said anything, but you knew in your bones that you were not safe. And yet, you couldn’t move.
Cole, especially, wouldn’t take his eyes off you, your neck in particular. You desperately wished for something to cover up your club attire. A woman was leaning against the wall in the corner, sharpening her ridiculously long nails with a knife. She looked up occasionally, and this time her gaze landed on Cole, a scowl on her face. “You know he gets first taste,” she said, before looking back down in disinterest.
“I know,” he said, his fingers drumming impatiently on his thigh.
“Everything has to get his approval before it goes on the menu,” she continued, still not looking up as she filed her nails to a terrifying point. 
“Yes,” Cole gritted out, “I know that, Cutter. I’m not fucking new.”
“Then stop acting like you’re jonesing for your next fix. You’re that fucking hungry? Go get yourself something to eat that actually is on the menu.” Nothing they were saying made any sense. 
He scowled at her, but started to leave the room, and then, suddenly, stopped. Everyone stopped. Cutter looked up, listening for something, then pushed herself off the wall and made her way over to you. She brushed one of her exceedingly sharp nails over your bottom lip. Looking you in the eye, she breathed, “Kneel, sweetheart.” And you were on your knees before you had any idea what had happened. She smiled at you and added, “Be quiet,” and you knew, in every cell, that you wouldn’t have been able to make any noise if you’d tried. 
One of the doors opened and a tall, broad, beautiful man came into the room and you felt the energy of everything change. It was like it was all, yourself included, suddenly charged with electricity. You’d never felt anything like it. He zeroed in on you instantly and made his way over. You felt the instinct to cower, but it was far away, almost like it was behind a wall. And you still couldn’t move anyway. All you could do was shiver.
The man looked at you carefully. “Pretty,” he said, absently. He brushed his thumb over your lower lip just like Cutter had. Then he gripped your chin and angled it up so you were forced to make eye contact. “Give me your wrist,” he said and you couldn’t explain the feeling that moved through your body, only that you reached your wrist up to him, you had to, and waited for him to take it. He took it in his firm grip and placed his thumb right over your pulse point. He pressed down hard and smiled when you still didn’t move, didn’t react. It was like you didn’t know how. And then, something happened, so quickly you couldn’t process it. Fangs descended into his mouth and he lowered his head to your wrist and bit down hard. It was some of the worst pain you’d ever felt, but you didn’t pull away, didn’t make a sound. It wasn’t until you felt the wetness on your cheeks that you even realized you were crying. It was like all the different parts of you were separated. 
He pulled his teeth from your wrist and then licked the wound clean. He grinned at you and said, “You have excellent taste in cocktails, honey.” Then he looked over at Cutter and his smile dropped. “She’s still drunk. You should have known better.”
Her mouth fell open, and then she flung her hand out at Cole who stood sheepishly on the other side of the room. “Cole’s the one who brought her in!”
He was in front of her in a blink, the arm that was still in the air now in his firm grasp. She grimaced. “And you know exactly how good his judgment is,” he growled.
“Steve,” she whispered, just barely loud enough for you to hear her.
The man (could you even call him that? Deep down you knew what he was), Steve, brought his face as close to hers as possible. “When I put you in charge,” he said, so lowly, “I expect you to be in charge.”
She just stared at him for a moment meeting his gaze, then dropped her own and nodded. He smiled fondly, you were surprised to see, and kissed her on the cheek. “You know he needs supervision.”
He made his way back to where you were still kneeling, now cradling your arm. He bent down to you slightly and stroked a hand down your neck. “There’s something there, though,” he said, although you weren’t sure who he was talking to. Certainly not to you. “Underneath everything else. I’ll try her again tomorrow and see how she is when the blood’s pure.”
You gazed up at him, confused, and he gripped your chin in his hand. “You may speak,” he said.
“I don’t understand what’s happening,” was all you could manage.
“Oh honey, of course, you don’t,” he said with a grin that frightened you. “The good news is that you’ll never need to understand anything ever again.” He looked back up at the room at large. “Set her up in a room upstairs.” He released your chin and made his way to the exit, pausing as he was almost out the door to call “Cole!” over his shoulder. The other man quickly followed him out of the room.
Cutter came to stand in front of you. She looked you in the eye and said, “Up,” and without thinking, you were on your feet. “Such a good girl,” she cooed. “Follow me,” and suddenly that was all you wanted to do.
The room she took you to was better described as a cell. There was a cot, a toilet, and a sink. No windows. Painted grey. It was tiny. Cutter left as soon as you were inside and you heard the door lock behind her. 
You sat down on the bed and closed your eyes. You felt the urge to panic but it was like your body wouldn’t cooperate. Your heart rate stayed steady, your breaths even. You were calm, even if that was the last thing you wanted to be. 
These people must have done something to you. People, right. You knew what they were. Every single one of them had stared at your neck. Steve had fangs and he’d literally drank your blood. You knew, even if an hour ago you would’ve sworn that was just fantasy. Vampires. You were being held captive by vampires. What the hell?
There was nothing to occupy your time in here except for your thoughts, so you curled up on the cot and tried to convince yourself that it was all a bizarre dream. Eventually, your exhaustion overtook you and you fell asleep. 
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You weren’t sure when exactly you woke up. You hadn’t seen a single window since Cole had brought you into the building last night. Because sunlight kills vampires, you thought to yourself, somewhat hysterically. Your memories of the night before were… weird. And not just because you swear someone drank your blood. They were patchy. And yes, you’d been drunk, but not that drunk. Not so drunk that you blacked out small portions of the night. And certainly not so drunk that you hallucinated vampires. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. There was no way out of the cell. Nothing in it that would help you. All you could do was wait for whatever it was that was coming for you.
Sometime later, hours probably, a slit in the door you hadn’t noticed before was opened, and a tray was slid through. Food. You gathered it quickly and sat on the bed. There was a carton of water and a plate with a large salad that was mostly made up of spinach and lentils. Iron-rich food, your mind supplied. The previous night seemed more and more real.
.You thought about refusing the salad, but you were so hungry, so you ate it. It was surprisingly good, but not what you would have chosen for what would probably be your last meal. You lay back down when you were finished, curled up on your side, and daydreamed of something more satisfying than a spinach salad. 
More time passed. You stared at the walls and tried not to freak out. You wondered if your friends had made it back to the hotel. How long it took for them to realize you were missing. Were the police searching for you? Did your family know? You couldn’t help it when the tears started. You were pretty sure you were going to die here.
You dozed in and out for who knows how long. And then the door opened. Steve walked in with Cole behind him, carrying a chair. You jolted up and pressed yourself into the wall. “Stop,” Steve said, and everything did. “Calm down,” and you felt everything in your body slow. Suddenly, you couldn’t access whatever it was that you’d been so scared of. So you sat still and watched him. 
Cole handed Steve the chair and he placed it in front of your cot. He sat down and looked at you. His gaze made you feel so small. He reached out his hand and brushed the backs of his fingers against your knee. A chill ran up your spine, not just fear, but an excitement too, that you couldn’t explain. “Give me your other wrist,” he said, lowly, and you immediately did. He took it in his hand and brought it up to his nose, forcing you to lean forward. He inhaled deeply. “Much better,” he said. “You’re all sobered up now, aren’t you?”
You didn’t respond. You knew, deep inside yourself, that he didn’t want you to. His fangs dropped and you braced yourself, something in the far recesses of your mind knowing that you should be scared. With a slight grin, he sank his teeth into your wrist. The pain was just as bad as the night before but soon, so much quicker than the last time, it was over and Steve was pulling away, his eyes still locked on you.
“Shit,” he breathed.
“What?” Cole asked, from his place by the door. “She’s that bad?”
“No,” Steve growled. “She tastes like sunshine.” He stood up and leaned over you, running the back of one finger across your cheek. “Precious thing.”
You looked up at him and blinked. “Please,” you said, “please, I want to go home.”
“No, honey,” he cooed, so gently, “you’ll never go home again.” As you tried to process that through the fog, he turned to Cole. “Put her in my private reserves. I’ll have her for dinner.” And then he was out of the room.
Cole looked at you, a pout on his face. “Goddamnit,” he grumbled, “I’ve been waiting for a taste.”
“You’re gonna bite me, too?” you asked, alarmed.
He sighed. “Not anymore. I’d rather not face the true death, thanks.” He looked you in the eye. “Come with me.” 
You felt something move through you at that. There was definitely a strong urge to obey that you wouldn’t resist, but it was nothing like what you felt with Steve, or even Cutter, where it was like your body was on strings. It wasn’t a huge weakness, but you were taking note of everything at this point. 
Cole took you through a long series of hallways that you couldn’t hope to keep track of. Cole talked the whole way, mostly inane bits about his frustrations with the pecking order in whatever vampire organization this was. You marveled for a moment at the fact that you were describing something to do with mythical monsters as inane. Finally, just as you arrived at a door not dissimilar to the one you’d just come out of, he concluded with “You’re a really good listener.”
You gaped at him. What did he think was happening here? He’d targeted you, done something to you to bring you here where you were trapped and probably going to die and he thought you cared that he didn’t feel respected enough by his fellow monsters???
But staying alive right now was your primary concern, so you just quietly said, “Thank you,” and let him show you into the room. 
It was much bigger than the cell, but still small, along the lines of a spacious walk-in closet. There was a plush rug under your feet, a deep rose color. A four-poster bed was to one side covered in a big, fluffy comforter that was in a lighter shade of dusty pink and piled with pillows to match. The far wall was entirely made of mahogany built-in bookcases that were completely full of books. There was a soft-looking armchair in the corner by the shelves. You turned back to Cole and asked, “What is this?”
“It’s your room,” he said with a smile. He looked you in the eye. “Now,” he said, and you felt his words travel through your body. He pointed at a door without breaking eye contact, “that’s your bathroom. You’re going to use it now to get very clean and smooth. There are lotions you’ll use after to make yourself soft. There are things in there,” he pointed to a beautiful armoire in the corner, “for you to change into when you’re done. Steve will be back in a few hours and you will be ready for him. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” you said, your voice coming out of you without any conscious thought or effort, “I’ll be ready for Steve.”
“Good girl,” he said, and gently patted your cheek. He stood awkwardly, watching you, but now that the command was in you, you were focused on getting to the bathroom so you could get clean. He was in your way.
“I have to get ready for Steve,” you told him, your voice sounding oddly robotic to your own ears.
Cole blinked at you and then sighed. “Right,” he said, sounding almost forlorn. He stared at you again and then shook his head. “I’ll see you again soon,” he said, stroking one hand down your arm. And then he finally left.
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It was the most luxurious shower of your life. 
When you came out of the bathroom, clean, smooth, and more moisturized than you’d ever been, you opened the armoire to find a small collection of slips in different sizes hanging in it. You found the one that would fit you best and put it on. It was black, a combination of silk and lace. It felt expensive against your skin. You searched the drawers, and next to a collection of silk briefs, you found a pair of black lace panties that would work for you. 
Once you were dressed (or as dressed as you were going to be with what was available), you moved to the bookshelves. They were chock full of every genre and category you could think of. Vaunted classics next to dime store romances. Shakespeare collections and airport schlock. You ran your fingers across the spines, when, suddenly, from behind you– 
“If there’s something you particularly enjoy, let me know and I’ll have someone get it for you.” 
You spun around to find Steve just inches from you. You hadn’t heard a noise when he’d come in. There was a coldness emanating from him that made goosebumps rise along your flesh. Your breath caught and he grinned. You inhaled and asked, “You aren’t going to kill me?”
He laughed. “Oh no, Sunshine. You’re too delicious. I’m going to be feeding from you for a long, long time.”
You tried to back up, but the wall of bookcases blocked you. You pressed yourself into it anyway. He opened his mouth and you hurried to say “Please don’t make me calm down!”
His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to the side. “Explain,” he commanded and you were obeying before you even registered the word.
“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but I feel it when you tell me to do things. And I– I don’t know. I don’t know.” You wanted to obey, every part of you was trying, but you had no vocabulary for any of what this was. So you were left chanting, “I don’t know,” over and over. 
“Stop,” he said, and of course, everything did. “You can feel it?” he asked. “The compulsion? You actually feel it move through your body?”
The word was new to you, but you knew what he meant. You nodded and he hummed. “Oh, you are very interesting, aren’t you, pet?” 
You didn’t say anything to that, just watched him warily. He gave you a sharklike grin that sent chills down your spine and said “Now, calm down.”
And just like before, you felt everything inside you slow. Your body sagged a bit against the shelves, no longer trying to push your way through them.
“There,” he said, cupping your face in his large hand. “Isn’t that better, little pet?”
He guided you to the armchair and sat down in it, pulling you onto his lap. You could feel the supernatural strength in his thighs as you settled on top of him, sidesaddle, as he took all of your weight without any reaction at all. He scratched his thumbnail down your jugular and you closed your eyes. “It hurts,” you said, your tone surprisingly flat for how afraid of all this you’d been just a moment before.
“Hmm?” he questioned, as he nuzzled his nose along your throat.
“When you bite me,” you said, still so calm, “it hurts so much.”
“Oh, is that all?” he asked and you could hear the smile in his voice. “Don’t worry, Sunshine, I’ll make it feel just as good for you as it will for me.”
With that, he moved one of his hands in between your legs, slowly sliding it up your thigh. His face was fully in the crook of your neck when he mumbled “Feel this,” and you felt the command vibrate through your whole body. The calmness that had flattened you faded away and you let out a little whine when his hand reached your mound. He pushed your panties to the side and slid his fingers between your folds. You gasped as he quickly found your clit, tracing slow lazy circles around it. You tried to grind down onto his hand and you felt him huff a laugh into your neck. His tongue darted out, licking a wide stripe all along your vein. You let out another whine, so desperate this time. 
He chuckled again. “I was going to make you get wet for me,” he said, as his fingers began to prod at your hole gently, his thumb still working at your clit, “but I don’t need to, do I? Or at least, not with my voice.” He was right, you were already soaking, and there was no resistance as he slipped one finger inside of you. You squirmed against his hand and he added another finger. 
His mouth was still on your neck, lapping and nipping at your jugular, but he hadn’t sunk his teeth in yet. He scissored his fingers for a moment, stretching you so good that you cried out before he added a third. They stroked inside your walls, looking for your spot. He found it and you threw your head back. 
“Come on,” he growled, “give me what I need.” He curled his fingers, scraping against that place inside you just right. You screamed as you were thrown over the edge of your orgasm and that’s the moment he finally sunk his fangs into your neck. You felt it, you did. The pain was just as intense as before but mingled with some of the strongest pleasure you’d ever felt, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Your body spasmed around his fingers as he loudly sucked from your neck. You swore that you could feel the blood rushing to both places. You babbled as you coasted along the waves of your orgasm, feeling like it would never end. Even as the aftershocks quieted and slowed down, his mouth was still latched to your neck, taking what he needed from you. Your body was fully collapsed into his now. Everything offered up for the taking. 
Finally, his teeth left you and he gently licked the blood from your skin. He slowly removed his fingers from you and you whined at the emptiness. He brought them up to your lips. “Clean up your mess,” he commanded and your mouth dropped open without thinking. He slid his fingers in and you swirled your tongue around them. You tasted yourself, sweet and musky, as you sucked him clean. He pulled them out with a soft pop and wiped them on the bodice of your slip. 
You looked at his face. He still had your blood on his lips. You felt the odd urge to kiss him but didn’t have the chance as he pushed you off his lap. Your knees buckled, too weak to stand. He laughed gently, like you might at a cute animal that was struggling, as he lifted you into his arms and carried you to the bed. He laid you down and tucked you in. “Rest up, Sunshine,” he cooed, and your body did as it was told, quickly sinking into sleep. “I’ll be back for more soon.”
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@stargazingfangirl18 @yenzys-lucky-charm @thezombieprostitute @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @bval-1 @km-ffluv @texmexdarling @ladyvenera @roxyfan14-blog @femefetalelevelingup
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1-50thofabuck · 2 months
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All the World’s Monsters Readthrough
The following has not been proofread. It may contain typos, I may use the same words or phrases too many times, and so on. Tumblr also removes a lot of formatting such as underlines. Maybe I'll fix or update it in the future; maybe I won't. (Things like underlining being removed is beyond my control.) If there are serious corrections as regards facts presented, I will definitely amend such points. Please feel free to comment such corrections; or any comments at all. I want to read through with all of you!
All the World’s Monsters: 
A Readthrough, Part I
Longwinded Introduction
This is a feature I’ve been wanting to work on for quite some time. Originally I wanted to write it with another person, and had various ideas on how that would work, but that didn’t happen. It’s a readthrough of the world’s first monster collection for an RPG. That I’m aware of, anyway - there very well might be some obscure or unsung prior volumes on the same topic(at the very least, perhaps zine monster collections?). I’m talking about Chaosium’s All the World’s Monsters. It’s an interesting book for sure, in a number of ways. 
For one thing, not so much had become standardized. What information was important to know about a monster might vary by personal taste or by the specific version of the game being played. All the World’s Monsters was released after Holmes Basic but before the AD&D Monster Manual, which was the first of the AD&D books to be released(because I guess they figured people could still use the monster stats with other versions of the game while they completed the other core books). 
Holmes Basic, for those unaware(and I won’t go into it too far because you can find plenty of histories on this out there with all the detail you’d like - skip this paragraph if you know about this already), was created as a way of introducing people to the D&D game as presented in the original white box set and Supplement I: Greyhawk. It was also a way of teaching people how to put those pieces together, or at least, one of the ways to do it, since the white box game was sort of all over the place, and difficult for people to grasp - especially if they had no prior boardgame knowledge beyond Monopoly and no wargaming knowledge. It kind of assumed you knew a lot of terms of general procedures for the more advanced board games and such, and that you would otherwise fill in the blanks. Holmes Basic did that for you. Furthermore, and it’s my understanding that this was more of a “Gygax shoehorning stuff he wanted in” aspect, but there are a few references to AD&D concepts and even the game itself, such as the exhortation to purchase AD&D if you wished to know how to have exotic characters like halfling thieves, or progress beyond 3rd level. (With the OD&D books you could do that anyway, and this was just a sales pitch.) It also introduced something closer to AD&D’s alignment system, except that you couldn’t play any neutral character besides a true neutral one: no neutral good, no chaotic neutral(there goes half my players!). 
There’s a lot to say about this version of the game, and some people play this one exclusively, even coming up with retroclones such as Blueholme! And some of what I have to say on it will be relevant, because All the World’s Monsters was written with the assumption that Holmes Basic reflected the standard we would be seeing from that point on, including little oddities never to appear in any other edition or version of D&D ever again!
Another thing that makes the book so intriguing is, being the first of its kind, there were so many monsters out there that hadn’t been statted yet - at least in a published book that others could look at and draw inspiration from. So until they got statted in AD&D’s Deities and Demigods, who could argue, “officially,” how many hit dice a shoggoth should have, what its AC should be, and so on? The original books gave no stats for any kind of sphinx - what would an androsphinx’s HD be? Same as a lion? More? What’s a lion’s HD anyway? Spotted lions are listed in the OD&D encounter tables, but there are no statistics for them(in the white box set, anyway). Or how about an elephant - how many HD should it have? What should its AC be? While the white box told us that rocs are sometimes large enough to prey on elephants(an incredible concept rendered rather banal now by overuse), it didn’t tell us what statistics an elephant should have. How would you stat it, without peeking at your MM?  Guess, what would you give them? Highlight the following for the answer: 
Tumblr won't allow me to set text to white because why would it? I'm leaving the "highlight the following line" bit out of stubborness at not allowing the formatting I require. (11 HD, AC 6)
So at that time, there were a myriad animals and monsters that had never before seen print in the form of D&D/AD&D statistics. This gives a lot of room for creativity - you couldn’t look at some other book and say “Gee, I gave this monster 9 HD, but the official ones are 4/this unofficial supplement gives them 5. Did I overrate them that badly?” Maybe so, maybe not. 
Statting animals and monsters is more art than science, though there’s some of that, too. The fact is, these are fairly arbitrary measures, and if you attempt to work out the official stats and come up with some kind of formula, you’ll drive yourself insane. Many things in the game, admittedly, were varied for the sake of variation. Weapon damage, for instance, was stated to have been made up for the purpose of variety - there’s no real reason that one weapon causes 2d4 while another causes 1d8 other than providing a wide spread of different dice types and combinations for weapons. (Yes, 2d4 gives you a bell curve with average score of 5 and a minimum score of 2, but the reason for this wasn’t because the weapon itself logically should, but rather to provide a variation.) I suspect that wolves being described as far smaller than they actually are was for a similar reason - wanting lower-level characters to be able to fight creatures that low-level monsters(goblins) often ride, but also to offer dire wolves, wargs, etc as upgrades. (Which still could have been done with properly-sized wolves, so maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree…)
Not only were so many animals and monsters unstatted, but again - formatting, and even rules weren’t fully codified or formulated yet. To some degree, many wouldn’t be until 3e made a concentrated effort to make everything formulaic with very specific processes and rules for everything, as well as to “balance” every monster and class, a task monumentally failed. As a good example of the lack of cohesion, look up monsters that strangle or drown and see how many different ways it’s done. I’m not saying this to knock the “old way” - there’s a reason I play old versions of D&D almost exclusively. Restricting yourself with unnecessary formulas and intricate templates is not typically of benefit, and having the flexibility to model things in different ways is superior to having to consult a list of codified formulas to make sure everything adds up. 
But at this stage, even some of the few things that became standards had yet to come into play. In most instances, there were no examples to follow to determine, say, how almost any given special ability a creature might have should be modeled. So even this had to be determined by what were essentially fans writing for their favorite game. 
As you can see, this was an exciting time, and an incredible opportunity - to set in black & white, in numbers, all the different things that D&D/AD&D classifies as “monsters” - anything that isn’t a PC! Setting down on paper, for the first time, so many different monsters. Devising rules for powers and abilities that nobody had created(at least publically available) rules for. Incorporating rules that would only exist for one basic introductory iteration of the system. (Not that they knew that!) Having the chance to determine formatting and all kinds of things that nobody had yet done.
Worlds and cosmoses full of things that still needed to be expressed in numbers and ability descriptions were waiting to be codified. This was, in fact, one of my misconceptions about the book when I purchased it - I thought it was more like Monsters of Myth and Legend by Mayfair as part of their Role Aids line, where they went through all different world mythologies and folklore in order to stat out all the various legendary monsters. All the World’s Monsters was really just a compilation of monsters submitted to Chaosium, and most of them are provided by but a handful of people - but we’ll explore that as we get into the actual readthrough.
Book Description
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The first thing one will notice, besides for the eye-catching red background with stark black art, is that it’s sideways. It’s designed to be flipped or turned “up” from the bottom, so the spine is to the top. Similarly, the back cover is read sideways, spine upwards. I don’t need to do a critique or commentary on the art here; it’s pretty cool. I’m pretty uncritical of art, especially in low-budget/indie publications, and especially if the content is otherwise good. 
To the back cover, we’re told the book is “an encyclopedia of the strange, the bizarre, and the deadly,” with “265 monstrous and dangerous creatures,” all by creators from the North American continent(or at least, most of it). We’re given sample stats for a kodiak bear - remember, there weren’t(to my knowledge) stats for any bears yet. (I didn’t consult the back cover before writing the bit about bears, previously.) Actually, we’re given the description, not the full stats - so we can’t read through and critique a set of stats just yet! But there’s an interesting part even here.
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For instance, the description mentions that the kodiak can “fight at full efficiency so long as it has one-fourth of its hit points left.” There were some optional rules in OD&D that included dexterity reductions and various penalties at different percentages of HP loss. Such rules are difficult to implement, particularly at low levels, when a small hit will often take 75% of a PC’s HP, and adds yet another element(or two or three or four) to track. Regardless, people surely used those rules, and I imagine this part of the description was a special ability that applied only to those using these kinds of rules. 
A kodiak mother gains bonuses in combat to protect her young and kodiaks have a chance of a hug attack, nothing too noteworthy or mind-blowing.
We end with a note about this being the third printing(it’s what I’ve got), there being another volume out, and a third on the way, and a line about the editors. Steve Perrin is one of them, and the blurb mentions that he’s the “co-author of RuneQuest,” a game I like very much, personally. Then some info about Chaosium and where you can write for info and so on.
The book itself is 109 pages, with the last 3 pages unnumbered, as they are tables, specifically, a monster level chart, to help with placing the monsters found in the book on the appropriate dungeon level, and a table for creating random monsters. Perhaps we’ll roll up a few in a future installment for fun.
The Book’s Introduction Page
Opening the cover we get a title page and introduction. If you thought the sideways book was just a feature of the cover - it’s not. The whole book is like this. And I have to say, I tried to be open minded about it. I told myself “You’re using it the same as you’d use any book except for how it’s turned, it doesn’t actually make any difference.” I hate when something is done in a new way and everyone rejects it because it’s different. While I can see the flaws in it, I really loved the Monstrous Compendium stuff made with hole-punched pages for sorting in a looseleaf binder. I feel like it failed less because of the flaws in it and more because it seemed too different, and was simply dismissed out of hand. So I try really hard not to do that.
But the format really bugs me. 
Moving on to the introduction, I have to wonder how close this is to whatever introduction was originally written, since it opens by mentioning that this is the third printing. Mr. Perrin goes on to tell us that it was made for “games such as Dungeons & Dragons, Tunnels & Trolls, and the Arduin Grimoire.”
I have a few comments on this. Originally I wanted to say it was neat how this early one could simply reference D&D like that without a problem, but apparently the book did, in fact, cause a stir with TSR. I have not listened to the linked podcast, but the description says that this was the case. Once this readthrough is complete, I’ll go back and listen to the podcast; I’d like to get my own impressions, and maybe make a few guesses at some things, and see if I’m right or how much my ideas mesh with what they say.
Tunnels & Trolls(another game I quite like) is interesting since it didn’t really have monster stats, so using these in that game would be more for descriptive flavor.
As for the Arduin Grimoire, for those unaware, it was originally written as a sort of expansion and add-on to OD&D. This, too, caused problems, and it eventually became its own game(despite never playing it, its monster the “vampusa” remains a favorite of mine to this day). Gary Gygax mocked it in the form of a cursed item in AD&D, a book that drives the reader insane(one might have assumed it was a Lovecraft inspired item, but its inspiration was pure spite). 
It goes on to tell us that they have 50,000 monsters, and how they might not use yours and how they chose the ones that went in here, info about the art, where to mail feedback about the monsters you want to see. What’s of real interest here is the mention that Dave Hargrave and Paul Jaquays gave them permission to use some of their own copywritten monsters, but these had to be removed due to space limitations. They then recommend Mr. Hargrave’s Arduin Grimoire(I’m sure that helped endear them to TSR), among other things, as well as several publications by Jaquays. These were presumably the publications from which the monsters would have been taken, and we’re told they will be in future volumes of AtWM.
Table of Contents
Skimming through, there are some really neat looking ones. 
Archer bush? That was a later Mystara monster adapted into 2nd ed and currently 5e(not sure if it was in 3e or 4e or not and don’t particularly care). Sometimes it’s hard to say if multiple people had the same idea or one ripped the other off. Especially in this early time when lots of people were putting out monsters and few had previously, people were bound to have similar if not identical ideas. Such things have happened in much less likely circumstances. 
Some very odd ones right off the bat. Snake ape? On the other hand, things like “air squids” are why I read these kinds of collections.
Batarang. Was DC ever notified of this infringement?
Plenty of slimy monsters: blue horror(which I’m guessing is a slime-type?), red blob, maybe “brown ich?,” gelatinous blue horror(maybe the original isn’t a slime after all), green slime golem. Eh, maybe not as many as I thought. We’ll get a better idea as we read through them, I don’t want to spend all day browsing the contents. And neither do you, I’m sure!
Vampire bear. Heh. Brain stealer(geteit chemosit). Is that German? I feel like I’ve seen other monsters in here with similar names. Will have to see if that’s true and if they’re written by the same author.
Carnivorous… typo? Carnivorous typo. Typo, carnivorous. Are you serious? If this doesn’t end up being some kind of meta monster I’m going to be quite disappointed.
Here’s another thing about the formatting. It makes sense as a normal book, in that one column continues in the column to its right. But because of the formatting of the book, you expect it to continue down the column on the next page below it. It’s a small thing, honestly, but it’s noticeable. 
A lot of monsters that would see official stats later, as expected. Crocotta, cyclops, various demons - but no devils! There’s a “sun devil,” but since there’s no “devil” category I figure it’s a devil in the way a tasmanian devil is a devil - in a non-literal sense. It looks like there are some traditional powerful monsters from myth and legend among the demons, as Ymir(“Prince of Ice Demons”) is one of them, and some of these others may turn out to be similar things - it’s hard to tell from the names, such as “serpent king” and “twelfth plane,” which yes, is the name of a demon. As three demons are listed as “ice,” I imagine they were going more for a frozen Hell as opposed to a fiery one, which would be why they used Ymir instead of Surtr. The latter would have been a much more obvious choice, being a fiery giant who is to burn the universe to ashes as the grand finale of the final conflict between good and evil(yes I’m simplifying it, this isn’t a mythology lesson).
A good number of golems, including diamond, dust, the aforementioned green slime, ice(unusual but not impossible in a magical world, or in frozen places, where they’d be quite evocative), quicksilver(which would also appear in Mystara as simply “silver golems”), wood(ditto), and oddest of all - tar.
Ground octopus, like “air squid,” is the kind of thing I read these books for. Again, there’s kind of a similar monster in Mystara, the decapus, which tends to live in trees. Personally, my favorites are the octorocks of the Legend of Zelda series. While mentioning both air squids and video games, I’ll throw in that the Japanese Super Mario Bros 2 featured flying squids as well. I should also mention that I haven’t played video games in 30 years, so I will routinely recall things like this and not the 3,000 instances of them that have likely appeared in video games in the interim. 
I never thought I’d see triffids in a monster book. I love it! Some Lewis Carrol monsters, some from myth and legend, such as the “three sons of Argatron.” I had to look that up, by the way, as it sounded historical but I wasn’t sure. Google corrected me to some random other word first, and then when I insisted that it search for what I actually typed, it pulled the legends right up. I didn’t read them though; we’ll do that when we get to the entry! Man-Scorpion, another monster not yet statted. As far as I know, they’re usually called “scorpion men,” so the formatting of “man” first is an unusual coincidence and I wonder if there was some famous or classical text popular at the time that used that form. At any rate, it says “see Humbaba,” who, if I’m not terribly wrong, was not a scorpion man. 
There are several Lovecraftian things, including stats for Nyarlathotep. I believe I have probably 3 or 4 sets of stats for him, for various editions of D&D, and I look forward to contrasting them all and seeing how they compare, especially this earliest one to, say, the newest one I have. Of course, being published by Chaosium, they had the rights to these monsters.
Not so much the olog-hai, which was a direct property of the Tolkien Estate. If “hobbit,” a word Professor Tolkien did not even invent, had to be removed from early versions of D&D, one must imagine that the only reason the same didn’t occur here is that this book flew under their radar. (In fact, I believe hobbits were removed by choice, in order to prevent future legal issues, but this is another point I could be quite wrong on.)
Let’s move on and not spend all day speculating and rambling about a table of contents, shall we?
Creators
I don’t want to add up the number of creators used, as many are combinations of creators and so forth. Dan Pierson created the largest number of monsters, with 28 entries printed in the book. It seems like the average is about a dozen or a bit less, just glancing at the numbers and guessing. If someone cares enough to do the math, have fun. 
One little point is the last line: “There are 265 entries and 113 cross-references.” So out of these monsters, almost half of them are related to(in some way or another, whether as biologically related, as enemies, or whatever) others. If that’s what it means, that would make some sense given that some creators contributed a dozen or more monsters, and there’s often going to be such connections(such as someone creating a number of “ice demons”). This kind of thing is good, as it can be incorporated to give the denizens of your world, and your world by extension, more of a feeling of depth and history, that these monsters have relations, alliances and rivalries, and aren’t just a set of numbers. 
“Interpreting the Monster Entries”
An explanation of what the stats mean and so forth. There are a few points of interest here. They mention that random numbers are “expressed as die rolls,” in case you played D&D and somehow didn’t know what 3d6 meant. This is great though, as it saves the trouble of figuring out what to use to determine 3-6(it’s 1d4+2). There are reasons that Gygax chose to express numbers as, say, the aforementioned 3-6 instead of 1d4+2, which was to emphasize that the numbers were important and not how they were generated, opening people up to new dice rolling conventions and so forth. Unfortunately, what it mostly did was confuse people with some of the more difficult to interpret number ranges. 
We’re told that intelligence is abbreviated as IQ(as it is in the later GURPS) and expressed as a die roll - so instead of being told “very” or given a specific number, we’re given dice to roll to determine the intelligence of any given monster. (I do this in my own games and monster stats, so it’s nice to see someone else doing this a number of years before I was capable of playing.)
Most of the rest of the explanations are mundane and not worth reviewing, it’s basic information. 
One thing it doesn’t bother to explain or mention is the fact that it has a dexterity range for each monster in the same way it has an IQ range. Here, dexterity is abbreviated DEXT., which makes me wonder if the DEX abbreviation had been used yet on character sheets or was still a little bit away? Remember, this book was released after Holmes Basic and before a single AD&D book, including the first AD&D book released, the Monster Manual.
More importantly than the abbreviation is why that was there. It was there because in Holmes Basic, the melee combatants attack in order of dexterity, regardless of who won initiative or initiated combat. The Holmes book mentions the question of “who strikes the first blow?” as one unresolved in OD&D, which seems very odd. OD&D never really explained initiative at all, and expected you to default to Chainmail order of initiative. It may have not expected you to use the combat “phases,” but just the die mechanic that determined which side acted first - that being a d6 and the higher goes first. Later versions would have the lower roll act first, with the option to positively/detrimentally modify the roll by weapon speed. There is mention that dexterity might affect various things including initiative, but there’s no exact rule explaining how. Most people just assumed that the one with the initiative attacked first, and this was how the game has been played, for the most part, ever since(and I imagine, for most, during and before, as well). Personally, I think it’s great, and would enjoy trying the rule out. I favor using phases and aspects of combat that add some amount of strategy, where “I run up and attack” can often be detrimental to waiting for a more opportune moment and so forth. I’d prefer the combat phases, and have played with them for many, many years, but I’d be quite open to the Holmes Basic version of combat. (Someone want to run it for me?) 
As yet another digression, it’s funny how often I’ve played games with people that ran their system of choice for decades, sometimes since the game was released, and never knew how initiative actually worked in said system. People get so used to it working a certain way in lots of games, and they either never consult the rule in their own game, or forget it and replace it in their mind with another. I’ve played in multiple Marvel Super Heroes games where everyone rolled a d10 for initiative, and when I pointed out it was one die per side, the judges in each case looked at me quizzically and then continued doing it how they had been doing it forever. The fact that they had been performing the most basic part of their favorite game wrong for 30+ years was too much to consider so it was simply dismissed.
And with that, I’ll wrap this first entry. I hope it wasn’t too boring - I know I ramble and digress, but it’s kind of part of the point I suppose. I hope you’ll stick with me for the monsters, even if you found this part kind of weak, and that you’ll let me know what you think, as well, because I want to go over this with you, not just read a review to a brick wall. It’s not a review, it’s a readthrough, me and you, if you please.
So.
Let’s read All the World’s Monsters together!
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howlonomy · 27 days
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if kris encountered monster clover they would be so god damn jealous, do you know what a dark world monster clover would look like?
dont worry, kris has a solution!
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and here is a quick clover dark world design :] or. an attempt at one LMAO
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giantchasm · 3 months
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Replayed Gates to Infinity recently. I really enjoy the fact that half of the characters in it are like malevolent nihilists.
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