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dathomirdumpsterfire · 5 months

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Chat writes the plot! Time for more 👑🐲🐟 KotD!

(I realize we might have to retcon a bit if the vote goes certain ways, but I didn't want to limit you guys. Have fun, go nuts, describe to everyone your perfect stewjon head canon, no matter how unique!)

Want to be on the tag list? Have an idea for next chapter? Clicked the wrong option? Reblog or Comment! New? Check the very bottom for the Ao3 link. Latest chapter is down below the cut!🔥

~King of the Dragonfish: Chapter 8~

Not far from the cave system, in the opposite direction of the geothermal vents, is a living grave. Every now and again one of Naboo's massive oceanic beasts meets it's end to natural causes, and sinks into the deep. Here, new life is born.

This particular corpse of a ketho whale has been here longer than Maul has, and with it's slothful rate of decomposition, it may very well be here after he's gone. The deep water chill keeps the body all but frozen, as the mound of it feeds billions of tiny lives. Starfish, squid, shrimp, eels, octopus, crab, manta, and more. No other places in the deep sea have as much variety of life as the grave mounds do.

To Darth Maul, this place is his personal grocery store.

“Hmmm,” the sith hums, floating upside-down and perusing the options.

His favorite are the shrimp. Individual mouthfuls that crunch pleasantly. But can a Kenobi eat a shrimp? He knuckles his forehead, trying hard to remember. So much of Before was lost to him. The jedi was... human? Possibly?

…did humans eat shrimp?

He couldn't recall.

Annoyed, he makes a note to demand answers, later, and gathers a sampling for now. The brown tree fruit… whatever it was called… the inside was not nourishing enough to survive on, he knew that much.

With a sweep of the force the sith lord selects his victims. A few plush crabs, half a colony of little blue shrimp, a few colorful yellow and black fish that he knew tasted buttery and sweet, with a long eel-

He recalls, suddenly, eating barbeque eel on… on… the home place. The red world, with swamps and cliffs.

Maul catches two more eels, wondering if he can make them taste like… before. Perhaps he would cook his food for once? Some of this would need to be heated for the jedi to even stomach it. Probably.

With his catch writhing and confused in an intangible net of force, the dragonfish sith turns back for the warren of caves and tunnels.

He arrives to find the jedi in just his pants and sleeveless vest, busily rinsing his inner tunics with fruit water. His much abused leather boots were clean and shiney nearby, still wet.

Maul sloughs himself up onto land, dragging dinner up with him.

“Will that not simply make your robes sticky?” he questions the other man, skeptical of the tactic.

“They're not ripe, so they're not sweet in the slightest. I'm hoping…” Kenobi shrugs, “it's an experiment. I suppose we shall see.”

“Mnh.”

The jedi stands, turning to him while wringing out the excess fluid. “What have you got there?”

Grinning, Maul tosses the panoply of pissed off sea creatures at him. “Catch.”

The noise Kenobi makes when he takes eel to the face brings such joy to him.

The creatures scrabble for safety as the jedi backflips further away from them. “Wha! Pfss- guh- MAUL!”

Wheezing with mirth, Maul recollects his catch, and presses them all on the surface of the magma rock to boil them dead.

Kenobi looks on in horror, speechless.

After a brief grilling, Maul piles the results together at the base of the slowly deforming orb, and curls up beside it to begin eating. He picks up an eel first, of course, interested to see if the cooking would make it taste like barbeque.

It does not.

It is still good though.

The jedi lays out his clothes to dry and approaches, one hand tucked into an elbow, the other cradling his chin. He mutters, “... at least it was quick,” then clears his throat before speaking up. “Is any of that for me, or was the food throwing just to be for your own entertainment?”

“It is not my fault you cannot follow simple instructions, Kenobi, but yes. Eat what you will," Maul offers, smug.

The man sinks down onto the stone floor, watchful, and starts poking through the options.

Stupid jedi. Doing something now when he is expecting it would be boring and predictable. He will wait until the other man's guard is lowered before tormenting him again. Obviously.

“Tell me, Kenobi, did the tree fruit satisfy your thirst?” he asks, popping a shrimp in his mouth and smashing it with a crunch of his many excellent teeth.

“The coconuts? Yes… thank you. The pile will last me a few days," the man returns.

Coconuts. They are called coconuts. Of course.

Kenobi picks up an eel, handling it's rubbery length with a disgruntled look. “... I don't suppose I could have a small knife? Temporarily? I need to cut this to cook it properly.”

Maul squints at him. “You are lying, jedi.”

The man huffs, holding the limp eel up, “I am not. This is an entire eel, and not a small one either. I need to remove the guts, and filet it, then grill the slices.”

“Why would you remove the guts? The organs are the best part,” he says, even more certain that Kenobi was simply making things up.

The jedi makes a face, “Hardly.”

They glare at each other for a moment before Kenobi looks away, scowling. “Fine, I shall just… eat something else.”

Maul watches him gather up the thin black and yellow fish, and levitate them on top of the rock. He… just leaves them there. For minutes. The cave starts to smell different because of it.

“Your fish is burning, jedi,” he tells the man.

“No it isn't,” Kenobi replies.

Maul rises up on the coil of his tail, looming at something like nine feet tall to peer over top of the rock and look at the crisping bodies. They aren't any more black than before, but they are turning colors.

“They are becoming brown…”

“Good,” the man says, nonsensically.

With the force, Kenobi flips them without getting up to look. The underside is significantly more brown.

The dragonfish sith sloughs back down to the floor, thoughtful. This was cooking… he had cooked, before, many times. This was right, yes… meat turned colors. It… denatured the proteins.

He doesn't know what ‘denatured’ means anymore, but the word itself remains. Maul scowls, trying to poke at the idea.

He looks up at Kenobi, “How… denatured do you need to make… the protein… to make it edible for… humans?”

The other man hums, calling the crispy fish dinner down to himself, but holding it midair for a moment as it dissipates heat. “For humans? Oh, well, I suppose it depends on their immune system. Anakin likes everything mostly raw… but I've known others that wouldn't touch anything uncooked unless it was a plant.”

Ahah. ‘their’. Kenobi was not a human himself then.

“... and your kind?” Maul asks.

“Hmm… I suppose I prefer my own dinner well done, if only for the result of warm, spiced food,” he says, and brings one of the fish closer to himself to begin nibbling. He makes a face at it. “Mng… of which this is not. I'm glad you've brought back scaleless fish, but the flavor does leave something to be desired.”

“You are lucky I feed you at all,” he tells the fool, sneering.

Kenobi sighs, “I suppose anything is better than starving. Though I would really prefer a pan, oil, and some spice to go with it, even just salt…”

Maul gives him a look.

He scoffs. “Yes yes, I know, stop making that face at me. Beggars can't be choosers, I know.”

They eat until both are full, Maul devouring considerably more than Kenobi. He dumps the extras back into the water. The remains might attract future snacks.

“Well, sith,” the jedi says from his spot beside the magma ball, “what now? I'm fed, I'm watered, I'm warm. For the moment, I'm not dying. What are you going to do with me? Torture?”

Maul grins as he returns from throwing the extra away. “Are you excited at the prospect?”

“Certainly not,” Kenobi drawls, crossing his arms.

The dragonfish sith sways closer, passing him by. The other man clearly doesn't want him at his back, so the motion forces him to turn. As Maul circles, Kenobi keeps turning to face him.

Exactly as intended.

With the jedi's attention on his face, all the way turned around from where they began, Maul draws the end of his tail up to whip at the back of Kenobi’s calves.

The jedi makes a little hop, predicting his flanking attack with the force, but he still turns to look behind him. His mistake. Maul takes that opportunity to close the distance, getting a grip on the front of beige vests. Kenobi spins back around, arms shoving outward defensively.

One of his palms slams into Maul’s sensitive gills, painfully, making the sith snarl and take a snap at the offending limb.

Kenobi tries to tumble backwards, to get away from him, but the grip on his clothes is only joined by a tail curling behind his knees, dragging the jedi in.

The prey in his grip fights him, skilled in the force and so much more interesting to subdue than the mindless wildlife outside.

Kenobi works an elbow free, and tries slamming it point first into the tail spiraling about his hips. Maul barely feels it, but he starts trying to capture that free hand all the same. While he's on that, the jedi side steps his tail, and then drops his weight heavily while pushing downward with the force.

Maul loses hold on him entirely.

The jedi folds, rolls, and does half a cartwheel, kicking him in the arm. Then he falls backwards to gain space. The sith gives him none, closing the distance again and snatching at his ankle as the other man spins away. He misses, and has to try two more grabs before he gets a hold of an elbow with a gleeful noise of success.

Kenobi attempts to bite him, with his human-similar jaw and his flat white teeth. How precious. The dragonfish sith giggles, and nips at the air near his fingers. The jedi recoils, desperate to protect the digits of his sword arm, sending a gale of force into Maul so strong it sends him toppling over backwards.

Unfortunately for the other man, he's got a good grip on Kenobi’s arm, so they both go over backwards.

Maul cackles as they fall.

Kenobi bellows.

They tussle on the floor like it's just any old bar brawl for the better part of ten minutes, until -finally- Maul's sheer tonnage and more than a dozen feet of solid muscle wins the fight for him, yet again.

He bears down on his prisoner, grinning with all his many teeth as the man cries out in pain.

“Weak jjjedi,” he croons, so close to Kenobi’s face that the green glow of his eyes illuminates both of their expressions. “I am beginning to think our first battle was a fluke. You cannot seem to best me.”

The jedi struggles under him, trying to get any limb free, fighting for every inch. “It's not my fault you weigh as much as a bantha!”

“Oh? But you like my weight.”

Kenobi shifts left, trying to wriggle his way out of the hold. “What in the blazes makes you think that?”

Maul hisses in amusement. “You roam in your sleep, jedi. You came to me many times last night, seeking my scales and burrowing into me.”

The man underneath him makes a horrified face, his efforts to escape stalling. “I did not!”

Maul lolls to the side, laying beside him instead of on top, pulling those pale hands to his chest and pressing the palms over his hearts. His long black tail curls up and over the man's legs. “Does this position not ring any bells, Kenobi?”

Blue eyes stare down at his hands, at the red and black that peek through his fingers. “...”

Delighted by the other man's emotional upheaval, and the way it made the force around them feel, Maul pushes the gambit a little further.

“How about if I do… this?” he says, sacrificing a hand to bring Kenobi's body closer to his, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, affectionately. “Are you going to nuzzle me again, I wonder? Going to curl up on my chest and drool?”

“No!” the jedi exclaims, shimmying backward.

Maul allows it and watches him with an inviting look, finding that this little facet of Kenobi’s fear was… particularly entertaining.

“Oh? But you slept so well, did you not?” he accuses.

Kenobi covers his eyes with a hand. “It's… it's nothing to do with you. I simply sleep better when…”

“Held?” Maul croons.

The jedi growls, without answering. Delightful.

Maul snickers, playfully snapping his teeth near the other man's neck. Kenobi turtles, glaring at him. “Would you quit that? I know you're not going to actually bite me. I'd be dead in minutes, and that would ruin all your bloody fun wouldn't it?”

The sith draws back humming. The rage in Kenobi’s eyes is… pleasing. Anger is good. He understands.

“Hnnn… I offer you a trade,” he says sweetly.

The jedi's struggles calm, and he stops ducking into such a hilarious and pathetic little ball, but his expression remains pure suspicion. “It's hardly a trade if I'm coerced into it while disarmed and bound,” he complains.

“Do you think I care?” Maul asks him pleasantly.

Kenobi huffs. “Fine. What's your trade, sith?”

“I will promise not to bite your neck, or near it, if you tell me of your species. At length.”

The jedi blinks, slowly, waiting with an expectant air. Maul raises a brow at him.

“You… want to know about… stewjoni?” the man asks, baffled.

“Yessss,” the dragonfish sith assures.

He is missing too many pieces of Before. The jedi will serve him, as prisoner and informant.

🔥🔥 don't forget to reblog tysm! 🔥🔥

-Tag list- (Comment if you want added!)

@obimaulartfire @savageopressbignaturals @icequeen8043 @moonsickvampire @maulish

New? Start from Chapter 1! 👇🏽

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pyjamacryptid · 9 months

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I’m not sure how I got here but I’ve been thinking about the intimacy and devotion of washing another’s hair, the hair of someone you care for (how unconditional a gesture it is) and I then thought of Merlin doing it for Arthur.

It’s not in the job description (a lot of what Merlin does for Arthur is not in the job description) and it’s unlikely something that started his first day as Arthur’s servant. Nor the second or the 20th or by the 6th month. Arthur may be a prince, a prattish one at that, but when it comes to his baths he only expects of Merlin what he expects of any manservant - call for the tub, draw the water, lay out a towel, place fresh clothes close by and so on. But, naturally, he’s also a prince that commands the knights and with training comes injuries. Perhaps an arm was dislocated and he’s on strict orders from Gaius not to utilise it, and definitely not to reach above his head. Later that same day Arthur sits in the bath and realises too late he can’t tend to his own hair. But he doesn’t call Merlin over from where he’s making the bed. He tries to do it himself. He’s still got one working arm, after all.

Arthur only knows how to command things be done. He doesn’t know how to ask for things. He doesn’t yet know that asking isn’t weakness.

But he can’t hide his struggling from Merlin, who’s more mother hen than manservant.

“Here, let me,” he says, suddenly behind Arthur, “before you lose all the bathwater and your arm, both.”

“I don’t need your help, Merlin.”

“Of course not, sire. Now, pass me the hair oil.”

“Excuse me, who is it that gives the orders here?”

“You, sire. The hair oil.”

“…”

“Thank you. Right, hold still. I said hold still—“

After, Arthur will wonder why he ever thought Merlin would be anything but gentle. After, Arthur will wonder when his eyes closed and why they feel a little wet, especially as Merlin took great care to catch anything before it fell in Arthur’s face.

Over time, a stool begins to sit beside the bath, whenever it’s drawn. Over time, Arthur will notice Merlin’s fingers never grow any less gentle (even when he knows his manservant is angry with him). Over time, Arthur will want to ask why Merlin added washing his hair to his list of jobs indefinitely, long after his arm healed, but is afraid he’ll only prompt Merlin to stop because it’s not a job at all. Over time, Arthur will wonder what oils Merlin uses on his own hair, if he has access to hair oil at all, and how his cropped hair might feel to touch.

#is this a ficlet #idk how I got here #or where this came from #listen the devotion of washing hair got to me alright #merthur #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin x arthur #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #Merthur fic #ficlet #fanfic #merlin ficlet #merthur headcanon #ren writes #IDK WHAT THIS IS JUST TAKE IT (yeets this at the Merthur fandom and skedaddles)

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vroomvroomwee · 4 months

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New Years is just a few days away. So can we all, as a collective, stop saying things like "they HAVE to kiss" or "they HAVE to fuck at least once"? Because it's so annoying. No, they don't HAVE to do that. As an aroace it's so tiring hearing those phrases, not to mention invalidating as fuck. Aroaces aren't boring for not kissing or having sex, and it's not a MUST in a relationship, even if the couple is allo. And it's not just with fictional characters, it happens with real people too and it's creepy and invasive as shit

#looking at you good omens fandom #its perfectly alright if YOU want that to happen #but to say its going to be a disaster if A and C dont fuck 30 times for 10 minutes straight is just...#come on...#good omens #goodomens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ace #aro #asexual #aromantic #asexuality #aromanticism #aroace #aspec

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pathetic-lifeform · 7 months

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After witnessing Hayden’s return to Star Wars, first in OWK in 2022 and now in Ahsoka, I cannot help but think that why did it take us nearly 20 years to collectively claim this man as our own? Do we even deserve him?

In the prequels he gave his everything, his portrayal of Anakin was incredibly nuanced and he clearly had done his homework (e.g. nailing JEJ’s speech pattern and his vocal cadence, as well as David Prowse’s physical mannerisms). Looking at Hayden you could see exactly what George Lucas meant when he said he wanted someone who had ” that presence of the dark side”. But you could also distinguish the former innocent slave boy, who wanted to be a Jedi and make his loved ones proud. He was Anakin, he was Vader.

It still makes me extremely sad and upset that some fans thought their image of Vader at the time was the only right one. They had their heads too up their asses to see that Anakin/Vader was right there, exactly as George Lucas had written him, both passionate and powerful but also sad and pathetic. And of course there were those who did see it, most of them were just too young at the time/without a platform to express all that awe and outpouring of love, as it was mostly drowned out by the loud, spiteful hate and criticism.

I can’t even imagine the things Hayden had to hear, directly from fans and from the media. It must’ve been so discouraging for a young actor. Heck, he was 24 when RotS came out. 24. And still, after everything, he decided to come back. He could’ve declined when Deborah Chow called him and asked him to return to the franchise, I would not have blamed him.

We are extremely lucky to have him back as Anakin and Vader again. And we better remember that.

#that man deserves the world #I also hope we have learned something from this #also also #still thinking about poor jake lloyd #I hope he’s alright #hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #ahsoka #obi-wan kenobi series #ahsoka series #rosie rambles #salt #fandom salt

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sweetmage · 8 months

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I love Gale's facial expressions so much. He is the saddest, wettest, most pathetic little man. He constantly looks like he's on the verge of tears when he experiences any emotion at all, positive or negative. Even playing his origin he always looks so emotionally impacted by other peoples' circumstances and struggles. I love him.

#i know i made a similar post like this about how Anders feels so big and always sounds ready to cry #and another post about a character's face in my old fandom... i just have a type alright?🥺#gale of waterdeep #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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sincerelywhistler · 3 months

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✨PART 2✨ of things my husband does that are so violently Asher Coded, I had to compile a written list and turn them into headcanons:

part 1

- Draws himself a bath, pours a glass of wine, disappears with an entire box of cookies. Calls me into the bathroom 5 minutes later to sit with him because “there are too many cookies, I need help”

- Asks to be read a bed time story with full expectations of you actually reading him a bed time story

- disaster bi

- Gets flustered whenever our usual pizza delivery guy shamelessly flirts with him and I do nothing but watch him crash and burn

- Slides around the house in his socks. Has fallen down a few times because of it

- Lives in and breathes in and will die in his From Under The Cork Tree hoodie

- Already canon but has a million watt smile that could power a small country alone oh my god

- Unironically says “oh my lanta” ???

- Scarily in touch with others’ emotions. You don’t even have to speak and he knows exactly what’s up

- Lays on the bed kicking his feet like a teenage girl when texting or FaceTiming his bestie who is also- as you may recall- named David

- me: *bumps into an inanimate object*

him: *squaring up all big and tough* “THIS GUY FUCKIN BOTHERING YOU BABE? THIS GUY BOTHERING YOU??”

- Accidentally nearly Engaged In Activities with a group of swingers (he works at a coastal country club as an event coordinator and was asked to deliver drinks to someone’s party boat thing, didn’t see the instructions to leave the order at the dock, didn’t know why the pineapple decoration on the locked door was upside down when he knocked….)

- Hands always on me and his closest friends in some capacity while out in public

- Oh is it raining outside oh no can’t get your shoes wet let me just HEAVE YOU INTO THE AIR AND CARRY YOU TO SAFETY EVEN IF ITS ONLY TO WALK 10 FEET (he’s 6’3”, I’m 5’11”… it’s a spectacle)

#y’all clearly liked part 1 of this silliness #and I’m quite a fan of asher #and Fox I guess #I suppose he’s alright #but don’t tell him I said that he can’t know that I like him #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted fandom #redacted asher #asher talbot #redacted ash

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mindstriker · 2 months

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elder scrolls fans are insane in the way of who else would take a background quest character in an MMORPG and have an entire perception of him as a really in-depth character and then also craft in intricate detail the weird on-and-off again relationship he'd have with one of your OCs who is thoroughly unpredictable and devoted to a mad god that will almost certainly never acknowledge his worship whatsoever because it's funnier

#this is about fucking revus demnevanni from elder scrolls online and my vestige character because ive actually lost the plot #its alright though because quite frankly 90% of elder scrolls characters that people love are held together by fandom duct tape and pure-#headcanon alone #i have all this shit written down in a google doc and i looked at it again today and went huh #this is me yelling #tesblr #elder scrolls online #the elder scrolls #tes ocs

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inuhalfdemon · 2 months

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