#also I think that this explains the thing he said to Qin Su about 'he had to die' too

[rejectedfables]

I think often about Jin Guangyao’s “[I murdered] my father, my (older) brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend” quote. I think about how Jin Guangyao, a man known for self effacing politeness to the point of taking blame and shame onto himself to alleviate the tempers of others, in this moment takes complete responsibility for "murders” that he absolutely did not commit. And I think about how the audience both in the story and outside it, take his words at face value.  

I think there are multiple ways of interpreting who this quote is about. Obviously Father = Jin Guangshan, Wife = Qin Su, Son = Jin Rusong, those are clear. I think (older) Brother could either be Nie Mingjue or Jin Zixuan. I think "teacher” could be Wen Rouhan or Nie Mingjue. Friend could be Nie Mingjue, Su Minshan, or Xue Yang.

So I think the ONLY options for [brother, teacher, friend] (in that order) are: 

NMJ, WRH, and SMS

NMJ, WRH, and XY

JZX, NMJ, and SMS

JZX, NMJ, and XY

JZX, WRH, and NMJ

JZX, WRH, and SMS

JZX, WRH, and XY

I also saw a translation where he said “friends” plural, which would reduce the list to:

NMJ, WRH, XY and SMS

JZX, NMJ, XY and SMS

JZX, WRH, SMS and NMJ

JZX, WRH, XY and NMJ

JZX, WRH, XY and SMS

However, given the importance of his relationship with NMJ, I feel like we can safely eliminate any that exclude NMJ entirely. Similarly, there cannot be characters mentioned here who are unnamed or unknown to the reader, as that wouldn’t make any Doylist sense. We are left with a list that consists of Nie Mingjue, either WRH or JZX or both, and possibly XY and/or SMS. 

Regardless of which of those combinations you use, he did not directly OR EVEN DELIBERATELY murder everyone on that list. Let’s go through them:

Jin Guangshan: Yes, he deliberately ordered and orchestrated his father’s death. Outstanding, earned, poetic, no notes. (Okay maybe SOME notes, but like, listen. Listen.) 

Qin Su: Qin Su killed herself. In the animation, Jin Guangyao used the skull-piercing nails to force her suicide, but this is not canon to the novel. Bicao claims that Jin Guangyao must have killed her to silence her, despite her suicide having many witnesses (including us! the readers!), but Wei Wuxian (who WAS THERE) speculates that she couldn’t handle the reality of her marriage, as illuminated to her BY Bicao, or the prospect of societal shame if it got out. However, even IF “your actions drove her to suicide” were the rubric here, that’s still not quite the same as “you murdered her”, nor does it seem to be the outcome he was hoping or planning for. “JGY murdered her” is factually inaccurate, and a blatant propaganda tactic being used against him-- but perhaps it felt emotionally true to HIM because he’s grieving his DEAD WIFE and he FEELS responsible.

Nie Mingjue: JGY spent something like 5+ years suffering physical and verbal abuse and explicit threats of death by Nie Mingjue, then was tasked with killing Nie Mingjue by his father. He did so in a sneaky way, so as to not endanger himself further or get punished for (or perhaps cause an inter-sect conflict/war by) killing the leader of a rival sect.

Wen Rouhan: JGY stabbed him in all adaptations, A+, war hero.

Jin Zixuan: JGY, on his father’s orders, orchestrated a situation that led to Jin Zixuan’s death. We cannot know for SURE that JGY wasn’t aiming for his death but we CAN say that “Wei Wuxian accidentally compelling Wen Ning to kill the ONE GUY PRESENT Wei Wuxian did NOT want to kill” (OR “WN killing JZX of his own accord against WWX’s orders”) would have been a weird bet to make. This seems highly unlikely to have been JGY’s goal, but it was certainly caused by a situation he created. He also did not actually literally kill the guy.

Su Minshan: Su She died to protect Jin Guangyao from Nie Mingjue’s fierce corpse. Jin Guangyao is only “responsible” for this in the vaguest or terms and worst faith of interpretations. Technically Su She wouldn’t have died there if not for JGY on multiple levels (wouldn’t have had to protect him, NMJ’s fierce corpse being JGY’s fault, wouldn’t have been present at all if JGY hadn’t summoned him there, etc.), but if Jin Guangyao describes this as “I murdered him” that’s... a stretch. Again, like with Qin Su, this feels like something he might say because he FEELS responsible, rather than because he actually is.

Xue Yang: JGY ordered Xue Yang’s execution (or possibly ordered a fake execution, but this seems less likely) directly before he fled, injured, to Yi City. He did not die here. Later, after reconnecting and while still following Jin Guangyao’s orders, Xue Yang was killed by other people in opposition to Jin Guangyao’s wishes and plans. Again, TECHNICALLY Xue Yang would not have died when he did were it not for Jin Guangyao, but describing it as “Jin Guangyao murdered him” is QUITE a stretch. Due to the title of the “Villainous Friends” extra, which is about JGY and XY specifically, XY seems the most likely candidate to me for “Friend” in this quote, which is bizarre because I think his death is actually the LEAST connected to Jin Guangyao. Jin Guangyao wasn’t even present, nor did Xue Yang die FOR Jin Guangyao-- just on his payroll. BUT perhaps he still felt guilty for ORDERING his execution, and simply his willingness to HAVE Xue Yang killed counted enough to make the list.

I’ll get to the last one, but I’m pausing here to say: What all of this means is that no matter who is or isn’t on that list, it is NOT an objective list of factual murders. It is a list of people who’s deaths Jin Guangyao FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR.

Even before we get to who counts as teacher, brother, or friend, even JUST his wife solidifies this. But it isn’t JUST her either-- even if we cut SMS and XY (the other two BIG stretch candidates) from the equation, that leaves us ONLY with NMJ(friend), WRH(teacher), and JZX(brother). And Jin Zixuan is the other one that really should not make the list of people JGY “murdered”.

This is a list of people who’s deaths Jin Guangyao FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR.

Which brings us to the last one:

Jin Rusong: The quote (I believe this is a fan translation, but not sure) "One of the opposing sect leaders lost the arguments [about the watchtowers], and went into a murderous rage, killing Jin Guangyao and Qin Su’s only son. The boy had always been a good child and the couple had loved him dearly. Under resentment, Jin Guangyao tore down the entire sect in revenge” is, to my knowledge/memory, the only real account we’re given of what happened. “Lost the arguments and went into a murderous rage” doesn’t sound like the child was found dead some time later, and they had to investigate. It sounds like it happened in public, with witnesses, immediately. 

In the same scene where Bicao convinces an audience that Qin Su, who famously killed herself on screen in a room full of people with a (now) known motive for suicide, “must have” been murdered by Jin Guangyao-- in that same scene others speculate that Jin Rusong, who was famously killed by a political opponent in a “murderous rage” most likely DURING A CONFERENCE, “must have” been murdered by Jin Guangyao. 

I think "I angered an opposing sect leader so much that he killed my son" being translated by JGY into "I killed my son" is EXACTLY IN LINE with the rest of his list. How is that different than "I ordered Xue Yang's assassination, and later put him in a situation that caused others to kill him" being translated to "I killed my friend"? Or “Su She died to protect me” being translated to “I killed my friend”? Or “I didn’t anticipate my brother’s unwitting involvement in a covert operation would get him accidentally killed, which no one wanted, not even the guy who did it” being translated to “I killed my brother”? Or “I tried to protect my pregnant fiancé/wife from a horrible secret I only just learned, which would ruin her life, and when someone confronted her with it TO HARM ME she couldn’t live with it and killed herself” being translated to “I killed my wife”? It’s the same!

I do not believe that Jin Guangyao killed Jin Rusong. I believe “I murdered my son” is an example of the way that Jin Guangyao speaks about himself-- always taking the maximum responsibility onto his own shoulders. If he was in any way responsible, than he was completely responsible. If he FEELS responsible, then he MAY AS WELL have murdered them.

The context of when he says this quote also matters towards how we interpret it’s meaning. He was already attempting to flee the country, aware that the cultivation world was actively turning on him for crimes that he did AND DIDN’T commit. He was surrounded by people he thought cared about him, all of whom seemed determined to stop him from achieving a safe exit. He had had all the horrible things he felt responsible for (regardless of how directly or deliberately he was involved in those events) thrown in his face by said loved ones, while they looked at him with horror. Su Minshan had just been killed trying to PROTECT HIM, and now it looked like it had been for nothing anyway. Huaisang, who he is shown as doting upon throughout their decades long relationship, has just manipulated Lan Xichen (do I even have to go into how important Lan Xichen is to him? Please say no, please say this much at LEAST is universally understood) into BEING THE ONE to STAB HIM. 

In this moment, he believes that he’s going to die, and be reviled in death by society and his loved ones alike. He knows there’s nothing left he can say or do, he hasn’t had time to process Su She’s death, and Lan Xichen has JUST (accidentally) betrayed him (which he also hasn’t had time to process). 

And also, notably, he had very recently been IN POSSESSION of the TIGER TALLY. 

AND HE’S BEEN STABBED! To my memory this scene happens while he’s missing an arm and LAN XICHEN’S sword is still INSIDE HIS GUTS. His emotions and reasoning are probably NOT the most calm or rational right now (blood loss, pain, fear, grief, influence of the tiger tally, etc.), and this “confession” should be taken with that in mind. 

I just think a lot about how “I murdered [everyone I’ve loved except for you]” is such a raw and telling line, given the context. Even if it’s more like “I murdered [everyone I’ve owed devotion to except for you]”, that’s still so painful. He blames himself for all of it. All of it! The world celebrated Wen Rouhan’s death, but Jin Guangyao added it to his personal list. Jin Guangshan is arguably the most reprehensible character in the entire story, and ruined every part of Jin Guangyao’s entire life, but he’s on the list. He did everything in his power to protect Qin Su, and when she found out the truth he continued offering her ways he could protect her, but she chose to kill herself, and she’s on the list. He tried to improve the world with the watchtowers, and someone retaliated by murdering his son, and he claimed responsibility for that too.

He knew he was being blamed for their deaths, knew it was propaganda and slander and bad faith, but he blamed himself too. So he just... accepted it. I did it. It was me, I murdered them.

And so, so, so many people, in his world and in ours, were so, so eager to agree

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #the untamed #cql #chen qing ling #Jin Guangyao #jgy #mdzs meta #mdzs spoilers #jin rusong #qin su #su she #su minshan #xue yang #also I think that this explains the thing he said to Qin Su about 'he had to die' too #I think he's been grieving for years and has rationalized it to himself #'it's better he's dead because his life would have been awful' is like a pretty solid way to deal with unimaginable grief #'it's better this way' #like I do definitely think he lived in CONSTANT fear while his son was alive #I think he was TERRIFIED of his son #but also just look at him with Jin Ling and tell me wouldn't have loved being a father in any other circumstances

[jaimebluesq]

MDZS/CQL - Not a headcanon or a theory, just a canon divergence fic idea that may not ever be written but gave me such a *light bulb* moment today that I had to write it down:

(NSFW-ish topic after the Read More)

So Jin Guangyao and Qin Su did not 'dally' before they married, so she wasn't pregnant at the time. And since he discovered the truth of her parentage the night before the wedding, even though he went through with the ceremony, he was determined to prevent a pregnancy. He pleased her in other ways, and spun a tale of some sort of incident that affected his 'performance' to explain why he would/could not have intercourse with his wife and was unable to father a chil, and she loved him enough to believe him and accept him as he was.

But though she never said anything, he could tell she was disappointed - not at his lack of 'performance', but because she had longed to be a mother (also think of the time period - her value as a woman was much based on her status as a mother/wife and ability to provide her husband an heir, like it or not) and this was something he could not give her.

So he began to think of alternatives.

While he's brooding over this and other issues, he plays host to Nie Huaisang, who is yet again escaping his responsibilities and saber practice by coming to Lanling. Jin Guangyao never minds - he's fond of him, like a close friend or brother, and Qin Su's always enjoyed Nie Huaisang's company (he helped her in her efforts to pursue Jin Guangyao, and also put in a few good words to her father when he was hesitant to let her marry). Jin Guangyao, while watching them together, has a thought - that in another time, where her parentage had been known in time for them not to marry, that perhaps she might have been married to Nie Huaisang, and he would have given her the children she dreamed of having - and between the two of them, they would have such pretty, talented children.

And that's when he has his oh moment.

After Nie Huaisang's visit, Jin Guangyao chooses a night of beauty and romance, with luxurious food and excellent wine and a starry sky, to hold his wife and talk with her about many things, and leads the conversation to them having children. She tries to insist that she's fine, that she loves Jin Guangyao and would happily give up being a mother to be with him. And then he says: "What if we invited someone into our bed? For us to share, and perhaps for them to give you what I cannot?" She immediately protests, but he can tell the idea holds some appeal to her. So he drops the subject for a while and thinks on it further, and the more he considers various 'candidates', the more he realizes Nie Huaisang is perfect - no desire for responsibility, a reputation for spending time in brothels with both men and women (and thus a more casual attitude toward sex), well-loved by both Jin Guangyao and Qin Su, and more importantly, is not someone Jin Guangyao fears might steal Qin Su's heart from him.

And so Jin Guangyao brings the subject up again, but in a teasing manner - saying Nie Huaisang spends so much time with them that he might as well be sharing their bed. She laughs and playfully slaps his arm. He continues, his words becoming less teasing and more considering, even lustful, as he admits that there had been times when he worked in the Unclean Realm that he had fantasized about kissing Nie Huaisang (Qin Su already knew of his diverse leanings), and says he would quite like to watch Qin Su's face as someone else brings her pleasure. And then Qin Su remembers the conversation they'd had the one night. She asks if he's bringing that old subject up again, if that's why he's speaking of it. He admits he's been thinking on it and the idea has become more and more appealing. He asks her not to outright reject the idea, to think on it for a couple of days, and if her answer is still no, he will accept it and never bring it up again.

Before she's given her answer, they make love one night, and she surprises him by saying something suggestive, like touching herself and asking if A-Yao wishes it were A-Sang's hands on her - her words almost hesitant, testing. He responds positively, they grow more into it as they make love, and they fall asleep happy in each others' arms.

A day later, she says she believes she would be willing to try.

They have drinks with Nie Huaisang on one of his many visits and Qin Su brings up the subject - Nie Huaisang almost chokes on his wine when he realizes what she's suggesting. And Qin Su is very honest - saying outright that she and Jin Guangyao cannot have children and she hopes a child may come of whatever 'arrangement' they can come to. Jin Guangyao makes certain to show that he's very on board, but leaves most of the persuading to Qin Su. Nie Huaisang had looked tempted from the very beginning, already glancing at husband and wife with appreciation, but does not agree until he is reassured that nobody outside the three of them would know of it, and that if there is a child, that he's not expected to be a parent (a fun uncle would be all right).

And so they have a sensual, affectionate night together, just the three of them, and they all enjoyed it enough that they made it a regular thing. And when Qin Su became pregnant, none were the wiser that the child was not Jin Guangyao's. Jin Rusong was loved by them all, adored by his parents and spoiled by his Uncle Huaisang, and things went well for a time - the arrangement continuing even after Rusong's birth because it made them all happy, and if they were to give Rusong a sister or brother, all the better.

And then Nie Mingjue died.

Nie Huaisang began to pull away more and more, and no matter how much Jin Guangyao or Qin Su tried to reach out to him, he was too mired in grief to do more than welcome a consoling hug. Eventually Sect Leader Nie felt well enough to socialize with his old friends, but he never continued the arrangement, and Jin Guangyao and Qin Su watched their friend become the Headshaker, worried for him but not knowing what to do for him other than help him when he came crying on their shoulders about not knowing what to do about some issue or other.

And then one day the worst happened - Jin Rusong was killed by a madman angry about the watchtower project. Qin Su was devastated, and Jin Guangyao grieved his son - because he was his son, no matter what their blood said. Jin Guangyao basically lived on auto-pilot, making the funeral arrangements and comforting his wife, all as he felt numb to the core over the loss.

When the sect whose leader killed Rusong was decimated, few questioned it - it was only right that a man avenge his son's death, and few people could find fault in a grieving father.

Except... Jin Guangyao hadn't done anything. Whatever bandits or mercenaries or whoever had destroyed the sect, none of it had been his doing. He was as confused as he was numb - but he was satisfied to let people think it was his doing, if only so they would be wary of him and of hurting his family.

Years later, lying on the floor of Guanyin Temple, Jin Guangyao realized that perhaps he should have questioned the sect's decimation more. If only he had realized then just what lengths Nie Huaisang would go to avenge the death of family, of someone he loved...

#jin guangyao #qin su #nie huaisang #sangyaosu #jin rusong #story ideas #dunno if i'll write it but wanted it out there

[ipreferfiction]

Jiggy.

MY SPECIAL LITTLE GUY MY BLORBO LOVE OF MY LIFE. i am insane about him. he is the character of all time

My first impression: huh. i don't know what's going on here but he seems interesting and competent.

My impression now: i would kill and die for him. he is my favorite character in mdzs and one of my favorites EVER. he has so many layers!! a-yao....

Favorite thing about that character: he's COMPETENT. to an absolutely insane degree. learning what he did about cultivation from shitty useless manuals and forming a golden core as an older teenager/young adult takes an INSANE amount of talent, not to mention HENSHENG??? he is the only (named?) character to have a soft sword, he's adapted bits of fighting styles from multiple major sects, and he's skilled enough with Hensheng that at some point he has shattered multiple spiritual weapons with it. he was a spy under WEN FUCKING RUOHAN for months. he and wwx are entirely responsible for winning the sunshot campaign and he dealt the final blow. also what he did with the song of turmoil?? equally insane amount of talent.

Least favorite thing: the Bad TakesTM. he attracts them like FLIES

Favorite line/scene: Lan Xichen! In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!...But I’ve never even thought of harming you!

i am very normal about them.

honestly his entire Guanyin Temple showing is nuts in the best way and i am chewing on him. close seconds are him on the stairs of Jinlintai looking at Nie Mingjue and going, of course they and I are different! the utter RESIGNATION of it. the truth of it!! he will never be treated like the rest of the cultivation world, he knows it, and Mingjue can't see it like he does!

Favorite interaction that character has with another: every time he and xichen are on screen or on page together is just. so nuts. the box scene. guanyin temple (god!!!!!!!!!! augh). everything cql added in.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: Qin Su!! she needs more time anyway but god their relationship is SO TRAGIC and i love looking at AUs where the whole marriage can be avoided and there aren't lasting scars left on both jgy and qs from. you know. accidentally marrying your half sibling because your shared father is a rapist. also, we get zero real looks at how their relationship is before everything goes south and it pains me.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character: this is so fucking hard oh my god. there are bits of He Xuan and Ling Wen that i see in him, i think? especially the. "i was born the same day as you and i am cleverer than you but my life was a tragedy and yours was perfect, so why was I not worthy of the same fate you were? why did I get nothing when you got everything?" and the "you know what? I am tired of cleaning up your messes. i am going to cause problems now." he also... i cannot explain this one but his vibes are very similar to Alexander of Tirragen from the Song of the Lioness quartet in my mind. i genuinely truly cannot comprehend WHY those two are associated in my brain, but they are.

A headcanon about that character: he was in love with Xichen and Xichen was in love with him. god bless the cql xiyao agenda.

A song that reminds of that character: lying beast by run river north - it reminds me very much of what he would think of himself esp. towards the end (and guanyin temple)

An unpopular opinion about that character: he and Mingjue's relationship could not have been fixed, or at least not without considerable effort on Mingjue's part, post-Sunshot and especially around the time of the stairs before JGY starts playing turmoil. JGY did not need to put more effort into it! he was already putting effort into it! Mingjue's worldview is fundamentally incompatible with JGY's existence, frankly. It never mattered how hard he tried to mend the relationship because Mingjue would always see him as a liar who was trying to manipulate him, and the sworn brotherhood was not a good idea, Xichen, good god.

Favorite picture: all of them but especially these. i support his wrongs (he has never done anything wrong ever in his life). he is the prettiest man alive and yet!! he suffers! but oh god his thousand yard stare after Mingjue kicks him down the stairs...

#answered asks #jin guangyao #mdzs

[songofclarity]

It’s so annoying when sexist JGY stans call Qin Su a “non-entity”. She has one good scene when she slaps JGY and demands answers from him about the death of their son, and imo there are some interesting parallels between her storyline and that of Mo Xuanyu.

Qin Su is far more than just one good scene and a slap!

I can see some parallels between her and Mo Xuanyu, but I actually see them as opposites. Jin Guangyao pulled her in because she was kind to him and useful for his ambitions at Koi Tower while he drove Mo Xuanyu off because he was a threat just by existing. The harsh way Mo Xuanyu was driven off due to accusations of incest set a precedent that the Jin don't tolerate such behavior, thus he pro-actively protected himself against any future accusations with Qin Su.

I see Qin Su as a very blatant parallel to Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue and their relationships with Jin Guangyao. Yes, she has one good scene but it was also a scene about their life together and what happens now.

Qin Su buried her head into her arms, "Stop talking, stop talking, stop reminding me!!! I wish I never knew you, I wish that I'm not related to you at all! Why did you approach me in the first place?!" After a moment of silence, Jin Guangyao answered, "I know that you won't believe me, no matter what I say, but it was sincere, back then."

I do want to honestly believe Jin Guangyao liked her at the beginning. She was kind to him (just like Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue were kind to him) and she never looked down on him because of his background (just like Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue never looked down on him). She gave him a chance and accepted him and cared about him (just like Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue had done).

Like god damn, she even agreed to have pre-marital sex with him when the family negotiations weren't looking good. For her part, I do think she loved him, innocently unaware or not that he was trying to baby trap her into getting that marriage agreement signed as plan B.

Qin Su was good and kind to him and never did him any wrong. That the public saw them both as this perfect couple, as the very standard of a respectful and caring relationship in the cultivation world, proves this. She was exactly what he needed and she gave him everything and he took everything from her in the end.

Because now she knows the truth. And we see how Jin Guangyao just refuses to see anyone's PoV except his own. He refuses to acknowledge he is a part of any problem:

Jin Guangyao, "A-Su, before you knew of it, didn't we live perfectly fine? You only felt uncomfortable and began to vomit today, now that you know. We can see that this isn't anything at all. It won't be able to do any physical harm to you. Your mind is the only thing doing all this." (ch. 47)

What happened to Qin Su isn't seen as actual harm because it's not physical. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

[Jin Guangyao,] "Lan Xichen! In this life, I've lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend--of all the evil in the world, what haven't I done?!" He took in a breath, rasping, "But I've never even thought of harming you!" (ch. 108)

Not to mention Jin Guangyao's manner of killing Nie Mingjue was to get inside his head and push Nie Mingjue to insanity--which is pretty much what he also does to Qin Su by pushing her to suicide. Jin Guangyao explains she is trapped with him forever and the whole cultivation world will be disgusted and repulsed by her if the truth comes out, which it will if she tries to leave him. MDZS is full of horror moments but this is perhaps the scariest of them all because situations like this are very, very real.

Yes, her slap is powerful and her anger over her son justified, but there is so much more happening in this scene with all its parallels and revelations and insight into just how fucked up Jin Guangyao can be towards the people he claims to care about.

[Jin Guangyao,] "I'm grateful for you until the end of my life, and I want to respect you, cherish you, love you. But, you have to know that even if A-Song hadn't been killed, he had to die. He could only die. If we let him grow up, you and I…" (ch. 47)

tl;dr Calling Qin Su a non-entity while being a fan of Jin Guangyao is very funny, like are people really outing themselves like that?

#mdzs thoughts #anon #asked from above #poorly organized thoughts lol

[winepresswrath]

Hello, can I ask something? I’d like to know your opinion on this. I’ve heard it said that WWX is the type to internalize blame, and JC is the opposite. Would you say there are parallels between JC and JGY with their whole “nothing is ever my fault I was pushed into this I have no choice” attitude towards taking responsibility for their messes?

Kind of? I think they’re both pragmatists in ways that ironically sometimes blind them to their available options, but they’re pursuing different goals and have pretty distinct motives so it’s kind of polo balls and oranges. Jin Guangyao is constantly doing stuff he knows his society would condemn him for in the pursuit of survival and personal power. Insofar as he's invested in his sect it's as a means to becoming the person he wants to be- someone who can fulfill his promise to his mother, secure enough power to protect himself and advance his personal agendas, and satisfy some lingering daddy issues.

He's perfectly willing to abandon his sect in disgrace if it keeps him alive and in the game. I have no doubt that he's an extremely competent and effective administrator who advanced the Jin's interests and probably also the common good, but he also kidnaps his own juniors and ties them up on zombie mountain as bait so he can more effectively murder his political enemies. He does things like murdering his own father, (totally deserved but also a massive social taboo) while genuinely wanting Xichen, Qin Su, and to some extent Mingjue's approval and validation. What I’m getting at is that when Jin Guangyao is trying to explain his choices he's not just trying to create an internal image of himself that feels consistent with his own values, he's trying to reconcile the person he feels he has to be with a person these people could not only love but respect and support. That's why he sets himself up for such an own goal with "Rusong had to die." He could have sworn up and down that he would never! He doesn't because he wants Qin Su to agree with him that it was necessary.

Jiang Cheng is not doing any of that. He's in it for his sect and his family, and while he cares tremendously about public opinion his primary concern is pragmatic. He wants to avoid being perceived as an easy mark and he wants to avoid angry mobs aimed and him and his. He's insecure and prideful, but he's not invested in trying to explain or justify himself. When it’s his turn to monologue at the temple he has a lot to say about his feelings, but he’s not asking for other people to understand him; he’s both lashing out in a fairly raw and aimless way and trying to understand both himself and Wei Wuxian ("Why didn’t you tell me? Why can’t I hate you?"). He lets everyone at the temple walk away knowing that Wei Wuxian gave him his core but not how he lost his own core in the first place. He clearly still cares about Wei Wuxian, but he’s not capable of asking for forgiveness or understanding.

Jiang Cheng is also just playing with a different hand than Jin Guangyao from the beginning. The part of the story where he has the least power and the most need to claw his way to a seat at the table is elided in a sentence and presented as pretty straightforwardly heroic

the most laughable one was the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, the people of which either had been killed or had scattered, leaving only Jiang Cheng, who was younger than even Lan XiChen and was still a child born yesterday, who had nobody in his hands but still dared call himself sect leader, holding up the banner of rebellion as he recruited new disciples.

This kind of brings me to- what do we mean by messes? Jin Guangyao isn’t justifying “mess,” he’s justifying murder, which is just killing someone outside the boundaries of the law. As the son of a sex worker, the means Jin Guangyao uses to access power are broadly perceived as illegitimate by both assholes who think he needs to know his place and perfectly nice people who think even if the deck is stacked against you and it’s the only way to advance you shouldn’t murder innocent people for your own benefit. And also you shouldn’t murder people for opposing you politically, or because you wanted a side of poetic justice with your patricide. He is acting transgressively, lying about it, and then explaining himself after the fact.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t have these problems. There’s not a lot of political worldbuilding in CQL or MDZS but it’s pretty clear that as the displaced heir of his clan he had the right to pursue leadership. Arguably, it’s what he owes his murdered family. The violence he uses to achieve that goal is both socially permissible and celebrated. He's also, unlike Jin Guangyao, not all that invested in his personal survival. He gives himself up for Wei Wuxian and tries to trade places with Jin Ling because his own life is not the most important thing to him- it's his sect and his family. He doesn’t have to justify these priorities because they’re pretty in line with general social mores, overinvestment in a sister’s son and the son of a servant aside. Even when he’s doing things I’d argue he believes are wrong, or at least morally complicated (failing to help the Wen) he’s got Mingjue speaking up in his capacity as most righteous dude in the room to say it’s impossible for him to owe a debt to people whose family have wronged his to the extent that the Wens did. His bad behaviour is socially permissible. When he tells Wei Wuxian there’s no choice, he’s not actually trying to get Wei Wuxian to agree that he’s doing the right thing, he’s is trying to convince Wei Wuxian that his cause is futile and he should save himself.

I do think there’s some kind of vicious weasel cycle going around Jiang Cheng’s head where he spends a significant chunk of time unable to decide if various disasters were Wei Wuxian’s fault for betraying them/losing control/acting carelessly out of a lack of affection or his fault for loving and trusting Wei Wuxian enough to put him in a position to do any of those things and then spinning out into “maybe it was all a big misunderstanding somehow no that’s the stupid childish logic that got us here” but frankly Jiang Cheng logic does not deserve to be dignified with a response. If what he was after was evading responsibility he could have simply been blaming one of the many, many other people at fault the whole time. Seriously, he doesn’t have to blame Wei Wuxian to avoid blaming himself when Wen Chao is right there. Out of the many and varied tragedies that have defined Jiang Cheng’s life the mess that is his adult relationship with Wei Wuxian is the one he’s actually at fault in, and since Wei Wuxian is alive and happy that’s actually his best and least tragic problem. I got sidetracked but basically Jin Guangyao is seeking validation from a place of social marginalization and mass murder. Jiang Cheng does all of his atrocities in public and is both incapable of processing trauma in a healthy way and too emotionally damaged to seek personal validation from the people he loves. One of them is playing polo and the other one is eating an orange. They are not the same although a round object is involved in both cases.

#jin guangyao #jiang cheng #like does jiang cheng blame wei wuxian for a bunch of shit that isn't his fault or his not entirely his fault #yes #is this a fun and cathartic experience for him #idk the book says “It was this torturing thought that filled his heart with hatred and wrath. Unable to be let out they cut up his innards #and he's ugly sobbing his way through it in the show it certainly feels to me like the idea wwx is in some way responsible for the #destruction of their family is pretty unpleasant for him #which doesn't mean he's right! or you have to find it sympathetic #but like. it's not for his own benefit #he is upset by this theory yet also compelled by it #why could this be #maybe an adult in a position of authority spent his whole life implying that his father loving wei wuxian was a dereliction of duty #openly resented both his and his sister's closeness with him #argued he was always going to bring trouble down on their heads #and then specifically said it was all his fault right before she died #just as a starting point! i'm not blaming madam yu for jc's grown decisions but like #this is the context in which the idea that loving someone and prioritizing them over your other duties and obligations #can be a betrayal comes up repeatedly #i just don't think either of them shake the possibility very easily #seriously people will be like jiang cheng has to take responsibility for his own problems and his problems are like #that time almost everyone he loved was murdered when he was a child #but what about SINCE then oh you mean when someone (not him) cursed someone else (still not him) and that person assumed it was wei wuxian #and marshalled a small army instead of talking to his cousin about his in-law? #or that time he had total control over whether jin guangshan wanted to publicly scatter some ashes and whether either of his extremely not #invited siblings would crash #the ash scattering party #these are the things he's sad about and having a hard time moving past #u would cry 2 if it happened 2 u

[robininthelabyrinth]

Same universe as the one where LXC kills JGY on a boat to not-Japan. JRS-centric as he grows up in the Nie clan and deals with his reputation as an inbred son of a traitorous bastard.

so I don't think I've ever written a fic in which LXC kills JGY on a boat, and definitely not one where JRS is a character? I mean, I've written a lot of fics, so possibly I did and I forgot, but I'm pretty sure about this one.

That being said, I don't think I've gotten any Jin Rusong prompts before so I'm reinterpreting this to be a prompt for a fic about JRS growing up in the Nie clan. Fic below!

ao3

-

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Nie Huaisang reminded himself. Risk is proportionate with reward. Your spine should be made of steel, just as your saber is.

He licked his lips, thought of his brother who had loved him, and threw himself forward with tears in his eyes.

“Oh, gongzi!” he blubbered. “Can you help me? I’ve gotten completelylost, I don’t even know where to begin –”

Xue Yang blinked at him, the lids of his eyes moving slowly like a reptile.

“Maybe you know where my san-ge is? Lianfeng-zun?”

The feeling of immediate threat lessened. It seemed he’d gambled right, and the rabid dog that was Xue Yang could still be controlled by reference to Jin Guangyao.

“I’d really appreciate it if you could just give me some guidance on where to find him,” Nie Huaisang said, lowering his voice confidentially. “I’d be sure to pay you back! If there’s anything you want –”

“Do you have any snacks?” Xue Yang asked.

Nie Huaisang, who had come prepared based on the rumors he’d painstakingly collected, produced some dragons’ beard candy.

“Not bad,” Xue Yang said. “Okay, sure.”

Nie Huaisang smiled, and even meant it.

-

“Hey, good-for-nothing,” Xue Yang said, and Nie Huaisang turned to look at his least favorite but nevertheless highly useful source of information in Lanling Jin. The fact that Xue Yang had no idea that he was functioning as such just made it more satisfactory. “You like kids, right?”

Nie Huaisang blinked. “Yes?” he hazarded, not so much because he actually did – he’d never had strong feelings about children one way or the other, though perhaps he was being presumptuous in thinking that the reference did not involve goats – but because that seemed to be the answer Xue Yang was looking for.

Xue Yang wrinkled his nose in distaste, though not, Nie Huaisang thought, at him.

“Theoretically,” he said, and he wouldn’t know ‘theoretical’ if it hit him in the face, “if there were, I don’t know, a whole bunch of them hanging around somewhere without parents, you’d be able to do something about that, right? Especially if they had a talent for cultivation?”

It took only a moment to piece together what must have happened to lead to such a question, given the ruthlessness of the cultivation world and of Jin Guangyao in particular, and Nie Huaisang marveled briefly at the idea that Xue Yang might draw a moral line in the sand over something. Presumably he felt some kinship to the children, being similarly utterly infantile, amoral, and fond of sweet things.

“Oh sure!” he said, playing up the brainless idiot who didn’t know to ask questions. “My sect is always recruiting, you know. We took some losses in the war and, well, I feel like adult cultivators aren’t really all that interestedin joining ever since I took over…”

“Because you’re a waste of space,” Xue Yang said, and Nie Huaisang pouted at him. “Whatever, the important thing is that you have space for kids. Orphans. Think, like, a whole orphanage getting shut down or whatever – anyway, not important. You’d take them back to Qinghe, right?”

“Oh, that would be so wonderful!” Nie Huaisang clapped. “That would suit everyone, wouldn’t it? They don’t have to worry about the children, and we get new disciples. I should tell san-ge – no, on second thought, he might be too busy –”

“Definitely too busy,” Xue Yang said quickly. “Wouldn’t it be nice to accomplish something yourself? You could casually show him that your numbers went up at the end of the month instead so he gives you the credit, without explaining that it’s kids making up the increase.”

“That’s a great idea! He’ll be much more impressed by that, I should definitely do that. Where is the orphanage?”

“…uh, in the forest. The back forest.”

You couldn’t come up with a better lie?

“You already brought them here?” Nie Huaisang asked, batting his eyelashes. “You’re so nice, Xue-xiong! I’ll go tell my second in command to go deal with it right away!”

-

It was in the fifth round of kids getting picked up – small cultivation clans being massacred and there was nothing Nie Huaisang could do about it, because there was either no evidence or else Jin Guangyao had come up with some motive to justify his actions and, inevitably, Lan Xichen would be there behind him, soothing over tempers and providing explanations because he believed him, every time – that something unusual happened.

“Sect Leader Nie,” one of his most trusted subordinates murmured into his ear. “There’s a problem.”

Nie Huaisang found a reason to leave the party early, a reason to go to the rendezvous point, and, once there, found the reason for the problem.

“Oh, hey there,” he said with a smile fixed onto his face by sheer force of willpower, crouching down to make himself seem less intimidating. Not that he was ever particularly intimidating, though given the rage coursing through his veins right now, he thought he might be able to pull it off if he tried. “What a lucky chance! It’s so funny, finding you here, Songsong. How are you?”

Jin Rusong wiped his eyes and looked tearily at him, recognized that the person asking was his Little Uncle Nie, and threw himself into Nie Huaisang’s arms with a howl.

This was pretty typical – Jin Rusong wasn’t much of a crier, but when he did he definitely took Nie Huaisang as his model, something all the other adults in the cultivation world had a tendency to give Nie Huaisang dirty looks over.

The only problem here, of course, was that Jin Rusong was dead.

Or, rather…he was supposed to be dead.

And if Jin Rusong was here – here, in the rendezvous point where Xue Yang put those of his prospective victims that happened to be a little too young for even him to stomach killing, at least without the personal grudge that had driven him to slaughter the Chang clan in its entirety – that meant only one thing.

Jin Guangyao had ordered his own son to be murdered.

Through demonic cultivation, no less, which was a pretty nasty way to go. There was a reason everyone implicitly countenanced Jiang Cheng’s vendetta against demonic cultivators no matter where they were, even when he ignored all territory lines and forgot to not ask for permission – the things a demonic cultivator gone bad could do were just so much worse than what anyone else could that they couldn’t risk any delay in dealing with the problem.

Well, shit, Nie Huaisang thought, even as he comforted Jin Rusong, petting the toddler’s back to try to get him to calm down. What do I do now?

-

“There has to be a reason,” Nie Huaisang insisted. “He’s not rabid. Songsong was his son!”

“Sect Leader Nie, we can’t find anything that might explain it.”

“Look harder. I don’t care how minor it is, I want to know everythingto do with Songsong. Every little detail – every person who saw him – every medical report, every compliment, every good grade –”

“He placed last in one of his classes,” one of his spies volunteered.

“What?”

“He placed last in one of his classes. About two months before his ‘assassination’, and shortly before his father started collecting evidence against the other sects that were in his way, which he later used to ‘prove’ that they had been involved in the alleged murder.”

“He wouldn’t kill his son for failing a class,” one of the others objected. “The kid’s barely more than a baby. What’s he expecting, genius from birth?”

“He’s a genius himself. Why not?”

“If everyone inherited everything directly from their parents, he’d be a whore.”

“He’d be a Jin. They’ve all got that nose, every one of them…”

“I heard he’s having the other Jin bastards killed. All of them, even the women…”

Something snapped in Nie Huaisang’s hands.

They all turned to look at him.

“Investigate Qin Su,” he said, looking down at the mess of wood and paper that had once been a fan. “Come to think of it, she has a Jin nose, too.”

-

“I don’t want to go!”

“I don’t want you to go, either,” Nie Huaisang said, feeling tired and also much more in sympathy with his poor older brother than he’d ever been while Nie Mingjue had been alive. “But you disobeyed me, and that means we don’t have a choice. You have to go.”

Nie Songsong looked down at the ground, his lip quivering. “I didn’t mean to…”

“You did,” Nie Huaisang said. “You have to own your decisions, Songsong. You can’t take them back once they’re done, no matter what the consequences. Not even if you feel bad, but definitely not because you feel bad for having to pay for what you did.”

“But…”

“No, Songsong. You cannot be in the Unclean Realm when – when he’s here.”

Nie Songsong hung his head.

“He’s not your father anymore,” Nie Huaisang said. “You know that, right?”

Nie Songsong nodded.

Nie Huaisang sighed and held out his hands, and his arms were full of a teary-eyed child a moment later.

“He loved you once,” Nie Huaisang murmured into his child’s hair. “I love you now. I wish I could give you more than that – I wish I could give you an answer, tell you why he didn’t love you enough to keep from doing what he did. But I can’t. All I can do…”

Is what I’m already doing.

“You’re enough, er-ge,” Nie Songsong whispered back. “You’re enough. I promise.”

-

“When will I get to go night-hunting?”

“You go night-hunting all the time,” Nie Huaisang grumbled. “You’re a fraction my age, and already my height, my weight, yet you wield a saber like my brother was around to raise you properly. You’re ruining my reputation, you know; now no one will believe that my incompetence comes from how short I am…”

“Not night-hunting with the rest of the sect, er-ge,” Nie Songsong said, rolling his eyes. “With other juniors!”

“Not long now,” Nie Huaisang said, looking down at the paper beneath his hands. It was all finally coming together. “Not long now. Just give er-ge a little more time to finish taking care of matters for da-ge, and you’ll be able to go night-hunting with anyone you like.”

-

“Er-ge! Are you all right? You look so pale…”

“I’m sorry,” Nie Huaisang whispered. “Songsong – I’m sorry. I’m so sorry –”

“What happened? Are you injured?” Nie Songsong demanded, already starting to pat him over, looking for wounds. “Er-ge, what’s wrong –”

“Your mother’s dead.”

Nie Songsong’s hands stilled.

“I told her about your heritage,” Nie Huaisang said, his lips numb. He’d never tried to hide it from Nie Songsong, although he’d introduced the subject very gradually and only once he thought that he’d be able to handle the revelation. “About your father – your grandfather. What they did. I wanted her to be angry at him, to turn against him, to distract him…instead, she killed herself.”

“Er-ge…”

“I shouldn’t have told her. If I knew –”

“Er-ge.”

“I should have brought her in earlier – told her about you surviving – I kept her from you for years –”

“Er-ge!”

Nie Huaisang looked at the child he had raised as a little brother the way his older brother had raised him, a father in everything but name, and who he had the constant feeling of having failed.

He wondered, as he always did, whether his brother had felt the same about him.

“Er-ge, it’s all right,” his little brother, his adopted son, said, and took his hands in his. “It’s all right. You tried, remember? Time after time, you tried to talk to her, but every single time you concluded that she would’ve told her husband instead of trusting you. She would’ve ruined everything. If she did that, I’d be dead all over again, and you with me.”

That had been what Nie Huaisang had concluded. That was why he’d never told her.

But…

“She’s your mother.”

“And you’re my er-ge. As long as you don’t die on me, too, it’ll be all right. Okay? It’ll be all right. It’ll be worth it in the end.”

Nie Huaisang shook his head. He’d already done so much, caused so much chaos and strife, and yet this moment – this was the step too far.

This was the first time he realized that he wasn’t sure he believed that it would be worth it anymore.

But by now…what else was left to do? There were no ways out of the plan he’d made himself; he’d designed it that way on purpose, because he’d known that if there was a way out, that snake would find a way to slither through it. He just hadn’t thought that he would be the one looking for it.

It didn’t matter.

He had to keep going.

His older brother deserved it, even if the younger one didn’t.

-

“I represent the Nie sect,” the young man – just about their age, though shorter than either of them – said with a smile. He seemed kind, gentle and polite, easy-going, but Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui looked at each other, and then at Jin Ling, who just scowled. “Can I come in?”

“Were you even invited?” Jin Ling asked in bitten off words. He was still bitter about some of the things that had happened in the Guayin Temple a month before, and of all them the one he was most bitter about was his second uncle’s retreat into seclusion – they were all upset about that.

“But it’s a discussion conference,” the young man said, blinking in confusion. “We’re a Great Sect. Why wouldn’t we be invited?”

In the face of such profound ignorance, there really wasn’t very much they could say, and eventually Lan Sizhui stepped forward with a smile, welcoming the young man – Nie Songsong, he introduced himself – into the Cloud Recesses.

Everything seemed fine for a little while. Lan Sizhui was able to talk to the people in charge of arranging juniors into finding another place for Nie Songsong to stay, although it would be a little delayed – Nie Songsong assured them that there was no issue – and as recompense they even showed him, at his request, a few of the main landmarks.

And then they turned around and their guest had disappeared.

“I knew he was up to no good!” Jin Ling exclaimed.

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Lan Sizhui told him.

“I’m with Jin Ling,” Lan Jingyi said. “He seemed so nice and understated – just like you know –”

“Don’t talk about my little uncle,” Jin Ling hissed at him. “I know it’s true, but just – don’t, okay?”

“We should find where he went,” Lan Sizhui decided.

It took them a while, but in the end they found him in the most unexpected place: in the rooms their sect leader had chosen for his seclusion, sitting on the bed with Lan Xichen’s head on his shoulder, sobbing as if his heart had been broken.

“What are you doing?” Lan Sizhui exclaimed, unnerved even out of his own habitual politeness.

“I came to greet my uncle,” Nie Songsong said, his manner just as gentle and polite as it had been from the beginning, although it was now evident that he was as stubborn as a rock and not easy-going at all.

“Your uncle?” Lan Jingyi gaped. “How can he be your uncle?”

“You’re Sect Leader Nie’s son!” Jin Ling accused.

“I’m Sect Leader Nie’s little brother by adoption,” Nie Songsong corrected. “It’s through my father that he’s my uncle – and you my cousin, I suppose.”

“Your – father?”

“Oh, yes. My birth name, you see,” Nie Songsong said, “was Jin Rusong.”

-

“Why did you choose to reveal yourself?” Lan Sizhui asked. “Given that everyone knows – well –”

Nie Songsong finished the character he was writing and put down his brush. “Wondering if you should let it be known that you were born with the surname Wen?”

Lan Sizhui jerked in surprise, then flushed. “How did you – that didn’t come out in Guanyin Temple.”

“No, I knew it before,” Nie Songsong said. “My er-ge is very clever, you know.”

“Yes, I suppose I do...why do you call him brother? Shouldn’t he be uncle, or – or –”

“Uncle is probably right,” Nie Songsong said. “But he raised me like a son, just as his brother did for him.”

Lan Sizhui looked down at his hands.

“Why did he publicly reveal your background, knowing that you were still around?” he asked again. “Everyone will know. Who your father was, all those terrible things he did, his relationship with your mother –”

“Why shouldn’t he? He did do all those things, and he did have that relationship with my mother.”

“But what about you? What about your reputation –”

“Are you planning on sweeping Wen Ruohan’s grave?”

Lan Sizhui stared at him.

“He’s your grandfather, isn’t he?” Nie Songsong looked calmly back at him. “Who he was, all those terrible things he did –”

“That’s nothing to do with me!”

“And the crimes of my father are nothing to do with me. My er-ge gave me his surname, just as Hanguang-jun gave you his, and for the same reason – to cut us off from the sins of our original family.”

“I suppose that’s true. But – no one knew about you, just as no one knew about me until I told them, and I only told them because they were my friends. Why’d you tell us? Aren’t you worried we’d tell more people?”

“Of course I am,” Nie Songsong said. “I hope you don’t, of course, but you would’ve found out regardless – second uncle wasn’t exactly subtle in his grief. And I had to tell him.”

“Why? To bring him out of seclusion?” Lan Sizhui hesitated. “Do you care so much for him?”

“Of course not. The last time I met him, I was a small child, and my father was just about to order me murdered; that’s not much of a basis to build a relationship. But having him lock himself away like that, as if he were in mourning…it hurt er-ge. And I won’t let anything hurt my er-ge. Anything, or anyone.”

They looked at each other for a long moment.

“I understand,” Lan Sizhui said.

“I’m glad you do,” Nie Songsong said, and then smiled. “I would’ve had to escalate to threats next, and I’m given to understand that I’m too short to really pull them off properly.”

Lan Sizhui snorted. “I think we’ve all learned that that’snot true.”

-

“Should we talk about this?” Jin Ling asked, arms crossed over his chest and glaring.

“What do you want to talk about?” Nie Songsong replied.

“How about the fact that your father tried to kill me?”

“Sure. Can we talk about the fact that you got all of his affection for years and years after he tried to kill me?”

Jin Ling blanched.

“I wonder if he would’ve gotten me a dog, too,” Nie Songsong mused. “I was too young for that when he ordered his demonic cultivator to feed me to fierce corpses and have my body ravaged until it was barely recognizable…but sure, let’s talk about how he tried to kill you.”

“I was talking about Sect Leader Nie!”

“Well, then, you should have been more specific. Sect Leader Nie’s my brother, not my father.”

“He’s a whole generation older than you!”

“My little uncle, then.”

Jin Ling flinched. “That’s worse. Go back to calling him your brother.”

Nie Songsong shrugged. “Would it help if we fought?”

“…what?”

“It makes me feel better, sometimes. Besides, I may be short, but I’m pretty good with the saber. I bet I could match your sword…maybe not your arrows. But I’ve always wanted to try.”

Jin Ling looked at him suspiciously for a long moment.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Sure. Why not?”

-

“I really hate that you’re kind of cool,” Lan Jingyi told him.

“I am so cool,” Nie Songsong said, and passed him another jar of wine. “Want to see my spring book collection?”

“…yes please.”

-

“Thank you for taking care of him,” Lan Xichen said to Nie Huaisang, who shrugged. “I’m sorry that you couldn’t trust me to help.”

“It’s only what I should have done,” Nie Huaisang said, not for the first time. He’d said it so often these past few days that it felt like a new refrain, an alternative to the old I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. He preferred the original. “I was his little uncle, remember? I held him on his first month party. How could I do any less?”

He did not say that Lan Xichen, who could be classified as Jin Rusong’s older uncle, had done much less, but from Lan Xichen’s expression, he’d taken it that way anyway.

“You never…” Lan Xichen hesitated. “Did you ever have any – concerns?”

“That he’d turn out an idiot? No. I figured he’d be in good company, with me.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Oh, you meant whether I was worried that he’d grow up longing for his blood family over his adopted family and turn against me in favor of his real father?” Nie Huaisang asked mildly. “No, not really. The memory of your father ordering you to be mauled by fierce corpses and to make sure your face is destroyed so that there’s a reason to refuse to let your mother see the body, as it would only upset her, is a fairly effective panacea against things like that.”

“No,” Lan Xichen said, though he looked sick all over again at the reminder of how considerate Jin Guangyao could be when it came to those he thought of as people, and how monstrous he was towards those he didn’t. “No, just – your brother always took such a hard line against the Wen sect…”

“Because they were raised with the philosophy that they were superior to the rest of us and my brother purposefully made himself into the symbol of their fallibility, thereby making himself and all the rest of us the primary target for their traumatic realization that they’re just as weak and vulnerable as everyone else,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his eyes. “Our Nie sect cultivators were always especially targeted whenever we were captured – our survival rate as prisoners of war was less than half all the other sects, and it wasn’t just because we were usually more injured when we got caught. Even the civilians surnamed Wen would pull out knives and try to stab us in the back if they had half a chance! We were in a blood feud with them, er-ge. You don’t put down blood feuds just like that, not even if you want to. That’s not how it works.”

Lan Xichen nodded slowly, thoughtful.

“Anyway, Songsong is mine now,” Nie Huaisang said. “Just as Lan Sizhui is your brother’s, and Jin Ling Jiang Cheng’s. Can’t we all just agree to not care about the rest?”

“I suppose we have to,” Lan Xichen said, bowing his head. “Huaisang…did you ever think about what happens now? I mean – what should we do next?”

“I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang said, and smiled humorlessly when Lan Xichen looked at him. “I’m not joking. I didn’t know what to do when I got Songsong for the first time, er-ge, and I don’t know what to do now, either. I just wanted to see justice done for my da-ge, and I did, and for the rest – I don’t know.”

“That’s fine,” Lan Xichen said. “I don’t know, either.”

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Nie Huaisang thought. Spine as steel as your saber.

“Would you like to come visit the Unclean Realm sometime?” he asked, pretending to be casual. “Perhaps we can figure out what we don’t know together. If you like.”

“…perhaps I will,” Lan Xichen said.

#mdzs #nie huaisang #xue yang #lan xichen #jin rusong #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #my fic #my fics #nothing ventured nothing gained

[agendratum]

ok so

as usual after finishing an arc of mdzs my head is full, many thoughts. so let’s talk about the guanyin temple confrontation.

first thing that i kept paying attention to were actually the changes made in order to turn it into live-action. so in cql they had to make the gray-gray characters, the “there are no good or bad guys, just people and their circumstances” characters (unless you’re jgs, than yeah you’re a bad guy and everyone agrees on that actually) into slightly more black and white characters. by the end of cql we are lured into this fake sense of security, “haha, we know who the bad guy is!” (then a year passes and here you are, now a jgy apologist), by the end of mdzs, you just know that, well, decisions were made, unfortunate decisions, by many different people. 

cql had to make wwx into a bit nicer version of himself. the good protagonist couldn’t lose control and accidentally kill a bunch of people, and then kill another bunch of people fully willingly, cause his sister just died and that was the last connection he had to the idea that something still matters in this world. no, out protagonist should be... like a little bit nicer than that. so they lifted some of that responsibility for atrocities off him, but they couldn’t just evaporate it, could they? they had to put it somewhere. they put it on jgy. after all he’s the big bad in the end of the story, well, the only surviving person from all people that could be considered big bads, he’s the one that “did every terrible deed imaginable”. he could take that responsibility, they had to make his grayness into a slightly darker shade anyway.

i am actually kinda surprised by how different my reaction to jgy was in mdzs. obviously, there is a year difference between me watching cql and me reading this part of mdzs, and over that year i changed my opinion on jgy 5 thousand times and joined the camp “actually meng yao deserves all the best things in the world”, but anyway. when i was watching cql i was like, oh my god, can someone just kill him already, before he does something bad again, before more bullcrap comes out of his mouth, and also stop yelling at this kid about all the “valid” reasons to why you killed his dad. in mdzs my reaction to jgy’s confessions was like, “huh. he has a point”.

now don’t get me wrong there, some shitty things were done, but the thing is, the things he did really made sense from his point of view, from this position and life experience he really had no other way to go. i especially was convinced by his reasoning to why he couldn’t cancel his engagement with qin su. not only he would suffer from this story, because he already went through so much to make this marriage possible, but also qin su’s parents and herself would most likely suffer, their public image would be destroyed, only jgs wouldn’t lose anything. and you could feel the hatred and bitterness he felt towards his father talking about this, and everyone in the temple could agree with that, because he “just forgot he made another child”, he didn’t even notice.

another interesting detail for me was lxc saying, “it’s not that i didn’t know that you did some of these things, it’s that i thought you had a good reason for doing them”. so yeah, a reminder, lxc isn’t blind and he isn’t an idiot. he trusted a person he thought he knew better than anyone else, and he believed in this person. the problem, i think, is that “a good reason” is different for lxc and for jgy. lxc would understand a righteous reason, doing something for the greater good. working for wen ruohan? that was explainable. they all were fighting in a war, fighting for the better, brighter future, and meng yao’s contribution to that future was immeasurable. what if he killed some people there? he had a good reason in lxc’s eyes. but meng yao had other good reasons in his life, some of these reasons lxc never had to deal with in his life. survival, for example, is one of them. meng yao’s early years were very different from lxc’s. not to say that lxc’s life was easy, but it was never truly unstable. meng yao had to learn how to survive in a world where no one wanted him. he lived with one dream, promised to him by his mother, a future where he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, where he wouldn’t have to smile at people he hated, please every one of their desires so they wouldn’t harm him. and then he entered this life promised to him and he still had to survive, but now in a luxurious man-eats-man world of lanling jin.

meng yao’s life really was this unstoppable ball of snow rolling down the mountain, and every decision he made just made the ball bigger and it would just roll faster. there is even a moment where jgy accuses lxc of being naive. lxc isn’t really naive, of course, it was said in the heat of the moment, but it is a fact that lxc was never kicked down a staircase, never had to crawl back up, and the thing is, at the bottom of the staircase, there are other good reasons to do things.

and in a way lxc understood that jgy in his position really didn’t have any other choices, he just couldn’t find peace in this mindset. he kept repeated through that part, “and yet, and yet, you shouldn’t have done that, you should have...” and he never said what exactly jgy should have done. because lxc doesn’t know. jgy doesn’t know. no one knows. what choices were better? how could he fix all that and still survive? in a way, lxc saying that reminded me of wangxian farewell in the burial mounds. when lwj asks, “you really indent to keep going like this?” and wwx, who wished, who longed for another solution, for some way out, asked him, “what else can i do? what method can i choose to resolve this, not use this technique and still protect people i want to protect?” and lwj didn’t have an answer. lxc didn’t have an answer either.

another amazing thing about guanyin temple confrontation, is that it’s very heavily wwx’s pov. most on the novel is his pov of course, but there were a loot of his thoughts in this arc. and he was rather understanding towards jgy. not in a way “i agree with every reasoning behind every decision you made” but in a way “i understand that you had your reasons, but all of them will become irrelevant really soon, they already are, because the crowd will only remember you as a son of a whore who did every terrible deed imaginable, and all the good deeds will be forgotten” 

now his thoughts on nhs, or who he suspected nhs to be, were way less nice. especially compared to live action, nhs didn’t make such an impression on me as he made through wwx’s thought process in the end of guanyin temple arc. of course, wwx is no sect leader yao, he is not the one to jump to conclusions, he just noticed that if you put some facts together, they actually start making a lot of sense, and formed a full picture. but he didn’t have any proof, so he kept it mostly to himself. yet he still thought for a moment about nhs as someone who didn’t care about collateral damage that much, who was ready to sacrifice lives of juniors, sect leaders, anyone, if it would add to jgy’s kill count and make his fall and destruction even more disastrous. not that those are not the things that happened in live action, but you know, when wwx put it all together like that in one paragraph, i really felt it. like, oof, dude it’s ROUGH. and not even jgy’s death was enough, as nhs basically admitted to stealing meng shi’s body and planning to repay jgy for what he did to nmj’s body. yikes

i mean i still support nhs in everything he does, but yikes

also side note, glad that the dead cats situation finally became clear for me. this whole year i was so confused about who left all these dead cats for juniors to find. i thought maybe xue yang did?? to lure wwx?? so apparently it was also nhs. good to know.

another detail, probably the last one my brain can generate for now, that pained me a great deal was my poor child jin ling. i already cried about some things related to him and this arc, but there was another little one in the very end here, after jgy died. jin ling realised, that there were now three people, wwx, wn and jgy, his little uncle, that were responsible for his parents’ death. people he had every right and reason to hate. all three of them. and yet he couldn’t hate any of them. he couldn’t avenge his parents, that died so long ago he couldn’t remember them, because all three people responsible for what happened, had something, some reasons, some circumstances, that made them really not the bad guys in jin ling’s life. and they all cared about him, protected him. how could he hate them? how could he not? and in this way this poor child repeats, unfortunately, his uncle’s curse. to have someone he wants to hate so much but just simply can’t. it warms my heart at least that jin ling has a much better support system than jc had when he had to live through that experience. so there is hope.

#not rereading this #ok that's a lit i'll for sure reread this later #lie* #yana reads mdzs #and writes long long long metas #meta #the untamed

[ibijau]

Futures past pt19 / on AO3

As music lessons resume, Lan Xichen has a suggestion for Nie Huaisang

Nie Huaisang cheerfully knocked on the door, ready for his first music lesson of the year, only to be met by a decidedly grumpy Lan Xichen. The other boy tried to smile at him, tried to make conversation as usual and to ask how much he’d practiced that week, but Nie Huaisang wasn’t fooled.

“So, what’s wrong?” he asked as he set up his guqin, a little proud to show off again that he had his own instrument now. “You look so dejected that I could mistake you for your brother.”

“Let’s not talk about Wangji right now,” Lan Xichen replied, his expression turning sour. 

Now he looked like his uncle, though Nie Huaisang was too polite to say as much. It was really strange to see him so upset, and a little worrying as well, but Lan Xichen did not give him the chance to ask any questions.

“I’ve been thinking a lot while you were gone,” Lan Xichen announced with a fake smile that wasn’t fooling anyone, “and I think your level is good enough to start teaching you something a little more advanced. Shufu has given me permission to give you an introduction to some techniques we use for musical cultivation, if that interests you.”

Nie Huaisang gasped at the news.

“Really? You mean, real musical cultivation?” he asked excitedly. “The real deal? Like… like battle songs? Healing songs? You think I’m good enough?”

His earlier bad mood quickly melting away, Lan Xichen smiled warmly and came to sit next to Nie Huaisang.

“I think you’re very skilled, yes,” he said, making Nie Huaisang flush at the praise, “though it’ll be a while until you can use musical techniques in a Night Hunt. But since we have this entire year before us, I thought you could try to learn Inquiry.”

“Really?”

To confirm it, Lan Xichen merely handed Nie Huaisang a musical score, one he appeared to have copied himself. Nie Huaisang took it with trembling hands, awed to be trusted in that manner.

“The song itself is not particularly complex,” Lan Xichen explained as Nie Huaisang looked over the score, “and it can be learned and used even by someone of ordinary cultivation level. The real difficulty, and what is going to take us a while, is the Qin language needed to understand the answers given by spirits.”

His eyes still on the sheet of music, Nie Huaisang just nodded. Then, realising what he’d just heard, he looked up and stared at Lan Xichen with wide, shocked eyes.

“Isn’t that a secret Lan technique?”

“I'm not sure about 'secret' but it is an exclusive technique,” Lan Xichen confirmed, his expression turning more serious. “That’s why I had to ask for shufu’s permission before I could offer to teach you. I won’t hide that he was reluctant,” he added with a strained smile. “But I told him that I fully trust you to respect our secrets.”

Hands clenched on the music sheet, Nie Huaisang hurriedly nodded again. He couldn’t think of a bigger honour done to him. He’d never have dared to ask to be taught any Lan secret techniques, but since it was offered he would do his best to be worthy of it, and to show proper respect and gratitude.

“I also told him that having a goal of your own seemed to help you in your studies last year,” Lan Xichen added, “and that this might help you do better in your exams by giving you better motivation.”

However pleased he was that Lan Xichen would trust him, and with something that important, the reminder of his failure to do well in class made Nie Huaisang grimace, and instantly reduced his enthusiasm. “Does it mean the music lessons will be dependent on the grades I get in regular classes?”

“It’s possible that shufu came to that conclusion,” Lan Xichen replied with a mischievous smile. “But I never actually said that, and your grades are of no concern to me. I just like teaching you”

“Xichen-gege, you’re so crafty!” Nie Huaisang laughed. “Who knew you were capable of that! You’re the best, you know? I like when you teach me, too. I’ll try to be as good a student as you are a teacher!”

“I’m pleased you’d think so well of me,” Lan Xichen said, his cheeks turning a little pink. “Now, let’s get to work. I think for today, we’re just going to focus on the song itself. Then next week, if you are comfortable enough playing it, I can show you how to infuse it with your spiritual energy to have the right effect, and we can start learning Qin language.”

It sounded like a great plan, and one Nie Huaisang wholeheartedly agreed to.

Just as Lan Xichen promised, the song itself was not particularly challenging, and short enough that Nie Huaisang had good hopes of quickly learning it by heart if he just put his mind to it. He’d try to be careful not to practice it around the other Nie disciples, since it was a Lan technique, but he’d still work hard on it, and… maybe that might turn Night Hunts into something interesting at last. It should certainly make Nie Mingjue happy if his brother finally became interested in those, even if he had to use another sect’s method for it. 

It opened a world of possibilities, and Nie Huaisang promised himself to practice hard to make this happen, so both his brother and Lan Xichen would be proud of him. Or at least, as hard as he was capable, especially with all that he had to do that year. 

That would come later. The lesson having reached its conclusion for the day, Lan Xichen served tea for both of them, and offered some candies to celebrate the start of a new year of learning. By then, Lan Xichen’s mood appeared to have improved a great deal, and Nie Huaisang decided it would be fine to start the first phase of his great plan. 

"So, Xichen-gege, what do you think of this year's students?" Nie Huaisang asked innocently while grabbing some candies.

Lan Xichen's expression turned sour for a brief moment, before he got himself back under control and smiled again. 

"They are an interesting lot, certainly," he said without enthusiasm. "Are you making friends this time?" 

After taking a quick sip of tea, Nie Huaisang nodded, grinning.

"Gege, you won't believe it, but even last year I made a friend!” he announced. “Apparently, Zixun thinks I'm really cool and told his cousin about me!"

It was still really funny to him, and judging by his surprised expression, Lan Xichen hadn’t expected that either.

"Then Jin Zixun has better tastes than I expected,” Lan Xichen said with some hesitation, “and I must reconsider my opinion of him." 

"Well, me too! But I am making friends this year too, and they're nicer about it than Zixun was. Have you met Wei Wuxian yet?" 

Stopping short of drinking some tea, Lan Xichen's smile wavered. He froze for a second, and put down his glass again.

"I have,” Lan Xichen said in a tone of voice that made it plain the encounter had brought him little joy. “Jiang Cheng… I mean, Jiang gongzi came to greet me on his second day here, and Wei gongzi was with him. I suppose he was polite enough with me."

Nie Huaisang laughed at seeing him struggle to find something nice to say.

"But he upset your uncle and you don't like that."

That was all the encouragement Lan Xichen needed to allow his expression to turn into anger, which Nie Huaisang found very funny.

"He was extremely rude to shufu,” Lan Xichen complained. “It’s very unfortunate that he should show so little respect to a teacher. He's also determined to pester poor Wangji, who isn't used to being treated like that!” He paused, taking a deep breath to compose himself, but didn’t manage to put on a smile again. “Huaisang, since you're his friend, do you think you might tell him to leave Wangji alone?"

All of Nie Huaisang’s amusement quickly dissipated at that demand and he frowned.

"Well that's a problem! You really dislike him that much?"

Lan Xichen fell silent for a moment. Nie Huaisang found it more worrying than if he’d answered right away. A little anger at a misbehaving student was one thing, but he’d talked enough with Lan Xichen to recognise those moments when he was trying hard to be fair to someone he didn’t particularly like. He used to make the same face when talking about Su She, back before he started warming up to him.

"He doesn't seem like a bad person,” Lan Xichen said at last, “and he hasn't done anything to me, so I cannot dislike him. I am just worried for Wangji, who isn’t very good at dealing with people." 

"That's really inconvenient,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “Xichen-gege, I was really hoping you'd help me help them to become friends! It would have been a lot of fun, the two of us scheming together…” he sighed again. “Oh, well. I'll see if I can get Jiang-xiong or Su-xiong instead. I don’t want to involve you in something you’d find upsetting."

"I think the fact you’d want such a thing is already upsetting me a little,” Lan Xichen replied. “Is it even possible for them to be friends? They are… very different."

Nie Huaisang gave that a moment of consideration before shrugging.

"I guess. But we're pretty different too, and we didn't start off so well either, and look at us now! If it worked for us, it can work for them! I’m sure they can become good friends like us!" 

A spot or pink appeared on Lan Xichen's cheeks, but his expression remained conflicted. 

"I think it's different. Their first meeting was a fight."

Nie Huaisang could only laugh.

"And I ran away from you when you tried to chat!” he pointed out, grabbing another candy which he pushed toward Lan Xichen. “Anyway, wouldn't it be good for Wangji to have friends? He's too serious. It's not healthy for a boy his age to be so serious. As his elders, we need to make sure he doesn't get lonely." 

"you're barely a year older than him," Lan Xichen remarked, fighting a smile as he took the candy. "I'm not sure you have much claim as an elder." 

One hand on his heart, Nie Huaisang faked an offended expression which made Lan Xichen chuckle.

"I am an elder!” he protested theatrically. “I am wiser in the way of the world, so it is my duty to guide these children. Wei Wuxian too!” he added, a touch more seriously. “I think he was impressed by Wangji, you know. Jiang-xiong says that it's unheard of for him to find someone he can't beat.” He paused, and considered that. “Jiang-xiong also says he kind of hopes that Wei-xiong gets his ass kicked very hard, so it teaches him humility. And Meng-xiong didn't say anything, but he did nod."

Lan Xichen grinned.

"I do get the sensation that people tend to be as irritated by him as they are endeared. And I suppose… Wangji too was impressed by Wei gongzi's skill. Mostly he said it was quite upsetting that such talent should belong to a person with such poor manners."

Nie Huaisang smiled at that most encouraging news.

"There! If Wangji is complimenting him, then they need to be friends!" he exclaimed, making Lan Xichen laugh hard enough that he felt the need to hide it behind his sleeve.

"That's hardly a compliment."

"Coming from Wangji, it is."

That got another laugh out of Lan Xichen, which he quickly got under control and attempted to replace by a more severe expression. It might have worked, if his eyes had not been shining with barely repressed mirth. 

"Wangji is not nearly as bad as you seem to think,” Lan Xichen said. “He's just very shy, and being distant is the way he deals with it. Not everyone can be as bold and determined to collect friends as you are, Huaisang." 

"I'm not sure how to take that." 

"Coming from any other Lan, it might be an insult,” Lan Xichen admitted. “Coming from me, and to you, it's probably a compliment." 

Nie Huaisang grinned, delighted to be teased like that. How had he ever thought that Lan Xichen was boring? Maybe his future self was right about him not being too bright. But then again, wasn't it easy to make that sort of judgement in hindsight? Lan Xichen was fun now, but it had taken time for his smiles to gain real warmth when they were together. It had been time well invested though, and realising that made him hopeful that this business between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian might turn out fine. Maybe they too would get to have that sort of comfortable relationship someday.

More comfortable, even, since they were to fall in love someday. It was going to be so funny to see how Lan Wangji acted when he was in love.

After this, the two boys fell silent for a moment as they finished their tea. It was getting a little late, and Nie Huaisang knew that he would soon have to leave. It made him almost wish that Lan Qiren had already given them homework, so he’d have an excuse to stay a little longer by whining that he always worked better when he was with Lan Xichen. Or else, he might have offered to help copy some scroll or other for Lan Xichen’s great secret project. Anything at all so he wouldn’t have to go. After almost a whole winter apart, he just wanted to be in his friend’s company a little more, just a tiny bit more, even if he knew they were sure to have time together again the week after.

Then, just as Nie Huaisang was trying to accept that he couldn’t find a good excuse to stay, Lan Xichen spoke again.

"If we do help Wangji and Wei-gongzi become friends,” he said, “and that's still an 'if' on my part, the main issue will be to make them understand they both want to be friends. Wangji seems to think Wei-gongzi only exists to torment him, and despairs to see again his more positive qualities."

Excited both for the excuse to chat a little more and by the fact that Lan Xichen was falling to his side, Nie Huaisang nodded.

"Wei-xiong is convinced Wangji is giving him the cold shoulder in spite of his efforts to become friends,” he replied. “He’s not used to people not fawning over him, I fear. Xichen-gege, we're gonna have to work hard!" 

"It would take effort,” Lan Xichen agreed. “I can see you're very excited about this little project, but don't let it get in the way of your studies."

Nie Huaisang dismissed that worry with a hand gesture.

"Don't worry! I'll practice the guqin every day no matter what!"

That answer made Lan Xichen laugh.

"I meant your actual studies, Huaisang,” he corrected, trying to sound scolding but too obviously amused to be scary at all. “The lectures? With my uncle? You do remember that's why you're here in the first place?" 

Blushing a little at his blunder, Nie Huaisang shrugged.

"Oh, that. I'll deal with that,” he said with more confidence than he felt. “At worst, I'll just come again a third year. Wouldn't that be fun? We'd get even more time together!" 

"I'm not sure shufu would be thrilled,” Lan Xichen pointed out. “But I would certainly be happy to have you around as long as you want. And… of course, you'd get more time with Su She as well. Apparently you've even told your brother about him?"

If he hadn’t been in such good humour upon hearing that Lan Xichen enjoyed his company that much, Nie Huaisang might have noticed that the other boy’s expression became a little more pained when he mentioned Su She. But he was in too good a mood to be observant.

"Of course. It fell through last year because I didn't plan it enough in advance and my grades were bad,” he explained, “but this year, I absolutely want to invite Su-xiong home with me when I go back, even if I don't pass! I think we'll have a lot of fun, and da-ge can't ground me if I have a guest to entertain!"

Lan Xichen's smile turned strained again, nearly as much as when Nie Huaisang first arrived to see him. 

"How cunning of you. I'm sure you'll have great fun. I could try to steal your brother for a Night Hunt, so you and Su She can have some peace." 

It was a very generous offer, and Nie Huaisang gave it all the consideration it deserved.

"No, I think if you make it all the way to Qinghe, I'll want to keep you around too,” he announced. “Xichen-gege, even though you've come a few times, we weren’t friends back then so I've never really shown you my birds, right? And we could go painting all three of us… wait, Su-xiong isn't that fond of painting!” he remembered, hitting his forehead. “So it won’t do. Then… let's dump him with da-ge for a bit, so they can get all excited together about fighting and cultivation, and I'll steal you away! Oh there's this gorgeous little spot from where you can see the mountains at a wonderful angle… I've always wanted to show it to someone, and I think you're really someone who would know how to appreciate it. Will you go there with me next time you visit us, Xichen-gege?"

Lan Xichen tried to smile, his face a little pinker than usual.

"Wouldn't you rather take Su She, if you like it so much?"

Nie Huaisang considered that, too, before shaking his head.

"There are other places I can show him. That one, I really want to show you."

Looking definitely quite pink now, Lan Xichen smiled.

"Then I will gladly accompany you. If you like it so much, it must be very beautiful indeed, and I can’t wait to see it." 

"Xichen-gege is too kind,” Nie Huaisang replied, delighted by that new plan. “Really too kind. And in his great kindness, will he help me give Wangji a friend?" 

"You’re just as stubborn as your brother,” Lan Xichen accused, his good mood fully returned. “We'll see. I need to see a little more of this Wei Wuxian before I decide. But if I find him to be a good person, and if I am given reasons to think he’ll be good for Wangji, then yes, I will help." 

It wasn't unfair to worry about that, especially when Lan Xichen didn't have a messenger from the future to tell him that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were pretty much soulmates. Indeed, without that information, Nie Huaisang would never have guessed that Lan Wangji's cold anger might have hidden any other sort of tender feelings. That was why Nie Huaisang really needed Lan Xichen's help, he was the only person in the world who could understand his brother. 

Since he needed Lan Xichen's assistance so badly, Nie Huaisang wondered if he should maybe not ask Wei Wuxian to help him cheat in the next test. But he had already done his part of the deal in that regards, so it would be very upsetting to have copied all those boring texts for nothing. Besides, it would probably be fine. 

There was no way they'd be caught, right? 

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #double time travel

[gingersnapwolves]

Kouri watches Nirvana in Fire, episodes 52-54

Let’s goooooooooooooooooooo

Consort Jing is just the baddest bitch and I love her so much

Mei Changsu you are talking about coming back in 4 or 5 years like you are not lucky Jingyan doesn’t plan to tie you up and keep you in his house

They’re out here ruining my fic thoughts like ‘Jingyan doesn’t even need to get married and have kids, he has Tingsheng!’ with Imperial rules and shit

Oh my GOD he is giving him the PEARL that is the most ROMANTIC thing asdgkahjsdlkfglajfga

NOW KISS!!!!

I am staring in rapt attention but also those beads on the Emperor’s hat are FUCKING DISTRACTING

Okay him falling down the stairs is objectively hilarious

It’s impossible to feel bad for the Emperor given that his problems are entirely self-inflicted. Like dude, get it together.

Consort Jing for Queen of Everything

Lin Shu: bold of you to think I want to stick around this hellhole

What’s the symbolism of the red cloth over the memorial tablet, would someone mind explaining? I mean, I get that it’s Lin Shu’s tablet and he’s not actually dead, but why wouldn’t they just take the tablet down?

Suddenly, everyone’s attacking at once? *side eye*

YUJINNNN!!! JINGRUIIIIIIII!!!!! BEST FRIENDS REUNITED!

Me? Sobbing like a little girl? It’s exactly as likely as you would think.

Did you REALLY just promise him you’d come back you compulsive fucking liar

So like . . . I was prepared for the ending. And I don’t think it’s bad ending, although I definitely think it’s a sad ending. I get Mei Changsu’s choice and it was his right to make it. I wish he’d been honest with the others but I also get that they probably would have hog-tied him and thrown him in a basement or something.

Although tbh I have to give the side eye to the fact that Jingyan, known for military skill and competent governance, employed only Old Generals Who Don’t Actually Do War

In any case, my main complaint about the ending was that there were so many people we didn’t see! They had a cute clip of Jingyan’s kid and Tingsheng, which was obviously incredibly adorable, and we see Meng Zhi along with the ministers. But what about Xia Dong and her furry husband? Did Mu Qing ride south with his sister? How are Jingrui and his mom doing? What about Yujin, who definitely married Gong Yu and you can’t convince me otherwise? How’s Fei Liu handling post Su-gege life???

And there are characters we don’t even know what happened to! Whatever happened to Qin Banruo after she was captured? What about Xia Qiu? Was Xia Dong ever able to explain to him what had happened?

On the upside, the Emperor seems to have died, so that’s a plus.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that this show was dense. I saw a description saying ‘every scene is load-bearing’. But I still feel like it would have been nice to cut down a bit on the musical numbers and making the audience cry to check in with a few other people.

Especially Yujin

I just *clenches fist* love him so much okay

ETA: given the lack of dialogue, it is 100% possible to assume that Lin Chen came up with a miraculous antidote to the Bingxu Pill and Mei Changsu is off living in Jianghu. Who knows what that letter to Nihuang actually said? Jingyan could just be holding a funeral for Lin Shu because it’s easier if everyone thinks he’s dead! Now he can just sneak back into the city as a commoner and he and Jingyan can have secret visits together and he and Jingrui and Yujin are all great friends.

Yeah, that totally works. I’mma go with that.

#liveblog #nirvana in fire #kouri watches nirvana in fire

[fgodump]

Connections to “The Poppy War”

The setting and characters to The Poppy War has derived a lot of inspiration from historical events and myths alike. This is meant to discuss which characters have a relation to those preexisting. Of course, you do not need to know this information to enjoy the books, but I think knowing them will elevate your reading experience. None of this information is official. This is just the conclusions I came to while reading. Feel free to make comments

MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ALL BOOKS

Locations

Nikara: Qing Dynasty. 

Mugen: Japan (Meiji Period)

Hesperia: Britain

The Hinterlands: Mongolia (unsure)

Murui: Yellow River

Tianshan: Kunlun

The different provinces were based off the Chinese Zodiac

The Poppy Wars: the Opium wars, as they have the heavy involvement of foreign invaders

Fang Runin: Rin’s character does not seem to take from a specific person, however the wiki stats that she was inspired by multiple people, such as Azula from ATLA and Mao Zedong

Chen Kitay: It's pretty obvious his character is inspired by Zhuge Liang in Romance of the Three kingdoms. In actual history, he wasn't that much, but in the book, Zhuge was a monster at strategy. 

In the first book, Irjah proposes a question, which Kitay replies “to bait the enemy into giving them arrows by rolling out a boat of strawmen”. This is something that Zhuge did as well.

Sring Venka: Honestly I'm blanking on Venka. I think perhaps Venka isnt supposed to represent a character at all, but instead all the comfort women and victims of the Rape of Nanking, based on what happened to her during Golyn niis. 

Yang Souji: He and his group the “Iron Wolves” remind me so much of the Shinsengumi. He even shares a name with Okita Souji, the captain of the first unit. 

The Shinsungumi were also nicknamed “The wolves of Mibu”

I know the glaring problem with this is that the Shisungumi are Japanese, and should have been Mugini in this book, but I think these parallels are pretty cool in any case.

Chiang Moag- Ching Shih. Woah, as soon as I heard Lady Pirate, it was undeniable who Moag is. Ching Shih, the most famous pirate in China perhaps, and she was a woman.

Their backstories share similarities too. Ching shih was a prostitute, just like rumors around Moag. 

The Cike: During the Zhou Dynasty, Wu Zetian (China’s only female emperor) had a secret police force that assassinated everyone she needed. This sounds incredibly similar to the way Daji used the Cike. 

Altan Trengsin: I believe that Altan is like Rin; either an amalgamation of many characters or simply someone Kuang made for the sake of the story.

Ramsa: I believe him to be Nikara’s representation of the creation of fireworks. Not based off a person, but instead one of the Four great inventions of China. Or maybe I’m looking too far into it lol, since he doesn't strike me as being inspired from a myth, since he is not a shaman

Baji: Zhu Bajie of Journey to the West. Based on his description and his name, I had him guessed before they even said anything about pig.

His weapon is even the same as Bajie’s, a nine-toothed rake. 

He also shares his desires, both of them being lusty for beautiful women

Suni: Sun Wukong. I had him guessed by his name as well. Although I believe the connection to be true, I cannot help but feel disappointed that the avatar of Sun Wukong was killed off so easily

The traits that these two characters share are pretty different, much more different than Baji had Bajie. 

For one, Suni is generally calm when he is not being taken over by his god, and is pretty gentle and nice actually. This is very unlike Sun Wukong, and also the reason why I think Suni was a bad body for Wukong to take over, since I think their desires do not match up like Rin and Phoenix

Aratasha: The last in the trio, Sha Wujing. I was confused at first, since Aratasha is no fighter, but I realized his name sounds incredibly similar to Sha Wujing. Wujing was a sand river demon in JTTW, so I don’t think it was a stretch to believe that Aratasha was based off of him (his god is a river god, after all)

Plus, Aratasha died before Baji and Suni did. Wujing in JTTW was weaker than both of his companions. 

Chaghan and Qara Suren: This may be a stretch, but I think Chaghan was inspired from Genghis khan. Gengis Kahn united the Mongols, like Chaghan united the Ketreids and Naimads. Even though the time period would be centuries apart (Genghis 1206, Qing Dynasty 1644-1912), it is the most likely option. It is unrecorded whether Gengis had any sisters, so I believe that Qara was made for the sake of plot (anchor). 

Yin Family: The entire Yin family was taken from the story of Nezha. You can read more about the original story by searching his name in Wikipedia. R F Kuang kept a lot of things from the original tale, and these notes are what I have noticed

Yin Vaisra- Li Jing. Li Jing was also a great general, and in other stories, he was the head general in the Jade Emperor's Heavenly Army. If you know about “Journey to the West”, it was him who attempted to subdue Sun Wukong. 

Yin Saikhara- Lady Yin

*its interesting how Kuang decided to make the mother’s name the family name for the Yins. Originally, I would have thought it was Li instead.

Muzha and Jinzha’s name were lifted directly from the source material

Mingzha is a character Kuang added, for Li Jing only had three sons (or 2 sons and a daughter in this case). There is no source material for how Muzha and Jinzha’s characters are; even in adaptations we rarely get to see any exploration of them.

Yin Nezha- Nezha:

Yin Nezha, like his original counterpart, was the third child of his father. Since Muzha was changed to a female, he is actually the second son. 

He has the powers of the Dragon of the Western river (TBG 392), likely referring to the White Dragon in myths, who is the dragon ruler of the western sea. 

Like the Nezha in the myth, Yin Nezha had an occurrence with a dragon that changed his life. 

At the first battle between Nezha and Rin in TBG, it is stated he wears golden rings around his wrists and ankles. Guanyin bodhisattva did this to Nezha in Journey to the West, in order to placate him. 

The Trifecta: All of the figures in the Trifecta were based on the Fengshen Yanyi (AKA the Investire of the Gods).

Jiang Ziya: His name was directly taken from the novel. 

Su Daji: Her name was directly taken from the novel, as well as some of her penchants for murder. Daji, in both history and the novel, was infamous for her torture methods. 

Jingzha being delivered back to his father in a dumpling holder would qualify as a toruture method. I applaud Kaung for being creative.

Yin Riga: I do not know if Riga is meant to be King Zhou or Ji Fa (the man who overthrew Zhou). Perhaps he was inspired by both of them, or neither. 

Since Kuang did not go into depth into which gods were in the pantheon, I will make a list to who I think is there

Gods mentioned in the books:

Erlang Shen

Sanshengmu 

Sun Wukong *implied through Suni

Zhu Bajie *implied through Baji

Huxian *implied through Unegen, and also Daji

Phoenix

Nuwa

Fuxi

The Four Dragon Kings (Yin Riga was likely the Dragon of the East) *There is no confirmation that there are multiple dragons, but I believe it was strongly implied

Chang’e

Xi Wang Mu, Queen Mother of the West

Zhenniao *implied through Pipaji

The Four Guardians (Azure Dragon, Vermillion Bird, White Tiger, and the Black Tortoise) *implied through Dulin, who summoned the Black Tortoise

Wong Tai sen *implied through Lianhua (Actually I am not sure, but I could not think of any other healer god in Chinese myths)

Gods not mentioned but I believe are in the Pantheon: 

Yudi: Usually depicted as the husband of Xiwangmu

Hou Yi (Since Chang’e is there. However, there is a possibility that he is in Chuulu Korikh as punishment for killing the sons of Yudi)

Shennong: He exists between Nuwa and Fuxi as the “human”

The Eight Deities

Guanyin: (Since Wukong is implied to be a god) showed up in JTTW

Yanwang: (Since Wukong is implied to be a god) showed up in JTTW

Other tidbits:

Arlong’s name may have been the combination of “Azure” and the chinese word for dragon “Long”. 

Aquebus are guns, but they shoot very slow. This aint a AK 47

The Red emperor could have been based off of Qin Shi Huang, or even the Jade Emperor himself.

Chuulu Korikh’s origin, although explained, has ties in Chinese myths. It was the mountain that encased Sun Wukong before he was broken out by Xuanzang. This means that the mountain was put there by the big B, Buddha. (Actually I can't remember if Kuang said who put the mountain down, but if she didnt specify this is what I think happened) 

I am more familiar with Chinese history and myths, rather than Japanese ones, so if im missing something feel free to correct

#i finished all of them within 24 hours #im shaking #i wrote this right afater the last page of the burning god #holy shitttttttt #the poppy war #the dragon republic #the burning god #fang rin #nezha #fang runin #books #literature #yin nezha #chen kitay #tpw

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Kiro’s Poetry and Wine Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: Detailed spoilers for a date yet to be released in EN! 🍒

Candlelit Night Collection: Gavin // Lucien // Victor

Trivia regarding the name of the date:

The date is called 诗酒趁年华, a reference to a poem called 望江南 (”wang jiang nan”) by Su Shi, a Song Dynasty poet

A loose translation - “Write poems and drink wine - take advantage of the age.”

This poem conveys how you must make full use of youth to pursue your dreams - it’s the time you’re most energetic, aggressive and courageous 

-

[ CHAPTER ONE ]

The date begins with MC in the office and realising she missed several calls from Kiro

When she calls him, he sounds really really sad :<

He states that he’s in the hospital

Without waiting for him to finish, MC hangs up the phone so she can hurry over

It turns out that Kiro was in the hospital to visit a fan, who is suffering from cancer

Kiro: [in the saddest voice ever] When she was diagnosed with late stage cancer, she planned to break up with her long-time boyfriend. But he decided to get a wedding certificate immediately and hold a wedding. Isn’t it very moving? 

He explains that after the wedding, the fan’s condition worsened, and she only has a few months left to live

Kiro: [sighs] When I just found out about it, I was really sad. [sniffs] But after you came, I feel a lot better. 

MC: Why is that so?

Kiro: Because I still want to believe that love can prolong one’s life. 

He looks into my eyes, his gaze twinkling with a strange light. 

Kiro: I believe miracles will happen. It definitely wouldn’t just be a few months. Maybe it’d be a year, two years, ten years... a lifetime. 

There is a tinging sensation in my nose, and I’m unable to suppress the tears in my eyes from flowing.

MC: Mm, I also believe so.

Kiro: Don’t be sad.

Kiro wipes my tears with his fingertips gently.

Kiro: Even though I couldn’t attend the wedding, the bride looked very happy in the recording. Happier than anyone else in the world. 

MC: She must have experienced the happiness from a wedding. 

I blink hard, suppressing my tears. Even though this story is filled with sorrow, it also feels romantic and happy at the same time. 

Kiro: Which is why I’ve decided to shoot a short film, in order to prolong that moment of happiness. 

Kiro explains that he will be the director and male lead in the film

As for the female lead...

MC: Who’s the female lead? Is she an actress I know?

Kiro: You definitely know her. 

MC: Not necessarily...

Kiro: This is the first time I’m a director, so for the other lead in this “wedding”... I could only think of you.

-

Phone call between Kiro and the fan: here

-

[ CHAPTER TWO ]

After a recording, Kiro sits in the backseat of the car. He looks out at the night scenery outside the window, and suddenly reveals a happy expression.

Kiro: She agreed.

He says this very softly, but it sounds abrupt in the quiet car. In the front seat, Savin whips his head around, his eyes filled with a cautious “what are you trying to do this time?”

Savin: Who agreed? Agreed to what? 

Kiro: I said before that I was going to shoot a short film for the fans. Miss Chips agreed to be my female lead!

Savin: MC? She can’t... wait, it seems she’s better than other actors within the circle. At least she wouldn’t try to rub off from your popularity. 

Within a short span of a minute, Savin’s words twist and turn numerous times. 

Kiro: You’ve agreed?!

Savin: No, I didn’t agree. I was just saying that her status isn’t bad, not that her acting skills are passable. 

Kiro: I’m not worried about that at all.

Savin: Why do you have so much faith in her? 

Kiro: Because I’m the groom!

Kiro speaks with exceptional confidence. After hearing this, Savin rubs his temples.

Savin: I’m starting to suspect that you’re shooting this short film with an ulterior motive in mind. 

Kiro: What ulterior motive? The reason for the shoot has always been simple. 

There is confusion in Kiro’s expression. After giving him a long stare, Savin gives up and retracts his gaze. 

Savin: That would be best. 

After Savin turns his head back to the front, Kiro secretly sticks out his tongue. 

Kiro: [whispering] I am a tiny bit selfish. But... I won’t tell anyone.

He still has many things to prepare. For instance, the location of the wedding shoot, the attire they would wear that day, and purchasing one particular item. 

That “token of love”... she will definitely like it, right?  

Thinking about this, Kiro is unable to control the corners of his lips from curling upwards. 

-

[ CHAPTER THREE ]

The day of the filming arrives. After helping MC with her outfit and make-up, the make-up artist leaves the room. Soon after, MC hears a knock at the door. She lifts up part of her head veil and opens the door.

MC: Kiro? 

I’m stunned for a second. He also seems to be frozen. His eyes contain undisguised shock, and scarlet slowly creeps up his cheeks. 

Kiro: I came to find you. 

Kiro is wearing a matching set of wedding attire. His golden hair has been tied with a ribbon. Such a bright colour makes him look as though he came out from a painting.

Kiro: Are you the only one in the room? 

He leans over, using his hand to lift up the other end of the veil. I subconsciously place my forefinger to my lips, signalling him to keep his voice down. 

But he simply winks and laughs happily. 

Kiro: Miss Chips, you look really pretty. Even more gorgeous than I imagined.

The dim sunlight does not reach this corner of the room. Dappled light passes through the lattice window. This moment seems to be slowed down infinitely, turning it into frames of light and shadow.

His eyes gleam, and the tenderness within them are reminiscent of a puddle of water, gently flowing across my heart. 

MC: W-what are you doing here? 

I try to dodge from his line of sight, but Kiro doesn’t allow me to leave. He grasps my hand and brings it to his lips. The gentle touch is like a lingering feather.

Kiro: I’m just wondering... what if I could take you away right now...

His serious tone doesn’t sound like he’s joking. I’m at a loss, waiting for him to continue. Then, he releases my hand.

Kiro: Did I scare you? I was actually just kidding. I wanted to see how you looked like in wedding attire immediately, so I secretly came over. 

MC: You...

I’m about to say something, but impending footsteps resound from outside the door, followed by knocking.

MC: Someone’s here!

She hides him near the window just as the makeup artist comes in

[Trivia: In Chinese tradition, it is considered “inappropriate” for the bride and groom to see each other the day or the night before the wedding.]

From behind, Kiro places something in her palm

Once the makeup artist is gone, Kiro asks whether she likes it - it’s the Fairy Pendant from the previous Qixi Festival (i.e. Kiro’s Valentine’s Night Date)

MC: Why is this with you? 

Kiro: Because this wedding requires a token of love. I think it’s very suitable. 

[Trivia: Tokens of love are used as promises between lovers. Unlike rings and roses in Western cultures, the ancient Chinese people were more casual. A comb, a hairpin, or even half a mirror could be used as a token of love. The value of the item itself isn’t as important as the emotions attached to it.]

Filled with nostalgia, I toy with the Fairy Pendant in my hand. I still feel slightly confused. 

MC: The script doesn’t seem to have a jade pendant involved though.

Kiro: The script... well, I have the final say!

Along with Kiro’s words, an assistant calls him from outside the room.

Kiro: Wait for me to fetch you!

His tender voice enters my ears, as light and soft as a drifting cloud. It makes one’s heart sink into it. 

[Trivia: In traditional Chinese weddings, the groom will journey to the bride’s family home on the day of the wedding to fetch her (接亲 - “jie qin”). Before he can get to his bride, he has to get past her bridesmaids by satisfying a number of tasks.]

-

[ CHAPTER FOUR ]

Watching Kiro’s retreating figure, I suddenly have the urge to ask him to stay.

As if he can sense my thoughts, he turns his head right before he leaves the courtyard, forming a “wait for me” with his mouth. 

A warmth enters my heart, and I nod my head vigorously. I return into the room, waiting for him to “fetch me”.

The “wedding” officially starts at dusk

MC stands at the doorway, waiting for the first scene

Kiro appears on a HORSE.

After the scene:

Kiro: Miss Chips, didn’t I look very cool just now?

Heat is still emanating from his body from the earlier exercise, and I subconsciously take half a step back.

MC: Yes, everyone was in a daze!

Receiving my approval, he crinkles his eyes and looks contented. 

Kiro: I’m guessing you were in a daze too. Are you ready for the next shoot?

MC: Mm, but I’m still a little nervous. What if I trip and fall because I can’t see? What if my expression doesn’t look natural when you remove the veil...

Counting on my fingers, I list down everything I’m worried about. 

Kiro: In that case, we can film it over and over again. Besides...

He lowers his head to my ear, in a volume only the two of us can hear. 

Kiro: I want you to experience the happiness of being a bride, and not just for the film.

After calming down, she puts on the veil

Kiro: I’m here to fetch you - my bride. 

MC: Mm.

Surrounded by the noise of gongs and drum, MC is carried over the threshold, then led down the red carpet

Kiro: From now onwards, you can leave everything to me. There’s still a lot in our future...

He speaks incredibly solemnly. His lines bring with it a touch of sadness, but infinite hope afterwards. 

MC: I believe so too.

I place my hand in his, and he leads me into the sedan. The little sedan sways, and my heartbeat seems to follow its ups and downs, unable to stop for a moment. 

I used to hear of people complaining that weddings are cumbersome and tiring.  But right now, the feelings I’m experiencing are incomparable to everything else.

When I disembark from the sedan, one end of an embroidered silk ball is placed into my hand. Its other end is held tightly by Kiro.

Master of Ceremonies: Things which are destined will eventually come to pass. Even across a thousand miles, people destined to marry are connected by a thread. 

I am led by this red silk, passing through the crowd and crossing the threshold. I can’t see the people surrounding me, nor can I see the cameras. 

I can only see the patterns on my skirt moving while I walk. The end of the red silk sways gently. Only one name is written in my mind and heart: Kiro.

-

They carry out the wedding procession, and MC is glad she's wearing a veil to hide her blush

The next scene happens in the newlywed room, and he removes her veil

Kiro: Because of this moment, I feel that everything is worth it.

The affection in his eyes makes it difficult for me to breathe. The candlelight flickers, casting a red glow on every corner of the room, giving a certain charm to everything before me.

For a moment, I can’t differentiate what’s in the film and what is not. Kiro holds up a pair of wine cups linked together with a red thread, and hands one to me. 

I take the wine cup, shifting my eyes furtively to look at him. I avert them when I meet his scorching ones. 

Our arms are linked with each other, and the distance leaves me unable to avoid his eyes. His breath infiltrates my body.

Kiro and I raise our heads at the same time, downing the wine.

[Trivia: Linking arms and drinking wine (交杯酒 - “jiao jiu bei”) is a traditional Chinese wedding custom. This is because the Chinese word “wine” (酒 - “jiu”) sounds like the Chinese word “long time” (久 - “jiu”). This act symbolises how the couple will be together forever... T^T)

We agreed earlier that the wine in the cup would be swapped with water. However, I taste a slight sweetness. I look towards Kiro in shock, and he winks at me secretly.

-

[ CHAPTER FIVE ]

During a break, Kiro brings her outside to the streets and brings her to a restaurant

Kiro feeds her a leaf-shaped dessert, then finishes the remaining half of it (causing MC to blush because indirect kisses are just so SPICY 👀)

The restaurant gives them a free dessert they’ve never seen before

Kiro tries it and realises it’s extremely spicy

Kiro: Whoa huff huff, water!

He frantically reaches for the cup on the table. Before I can stop him, he downs the entire cup.

Kiro: W-why is it wine?!

MC: Here! Water!

I hurriedly stuff my cup into his hands. He gulps it down, then plops onto the table weakly.

Kiro: [groans] I’m finally back to life...

MC: Are you all right now? 

I reach out to brush his bangs to the side. Despite the cold winter, sweat droplets are on his forehead due to the earlier incident. 

Kiro: I’m fine. I actually feel like having another piece now that the spiciness is gone... why does the boss always like to experiment with these strange things?

Kiro comments that the boss’ wine is amazing, so MC takes a sip

They drift into a peaceful silence

Kiro: Actually, I have a selfish motive for shooting this short film...

Kiro’s posture is rather casual. Without realising it, he has finished half a pot of wine. The collar of his clothes has fallen apart, and there is a drunken look in his eyes.

One hand is holding onto the wine cup, and the other is supporting his chin as he looks at me. There is an undisguised joy in his eyes, and a look of intoxicated longing.

Kiro: Miss Chips, I... want you to become my wife. 

Perhaps due to his drunken state, his words are especially straightforward. It’s as though he’s saying something that's completely natural.

I’m unable to hide when faced with such straightforwardness. There’s a sudden tingling sensation in my nose, and the happiness in my heart is about to overflow.

MC: Mm!

Kiro’s eyes crinkle as he continues, his clear eyes reflecting only me. 

Kiro: Once the filming is over, we can give this short film to the audience together. Our names will be put together. Just like on a wedding invitation. It will say: Kiro and Miss Chips.

As he speaks, he fails to control the upward curl of his lips. 

MC: Why are you so happy?

Kiro: Because...

He tilts his head and thinks for two seconds, then responds with certainty. 

Kiro: People from ancient times often said that there are four great things in life: Rain after a long drought, meeting an old friend in a distant land, success in the imperial examinations, and... the wedding night.

His breath turns into a white mist, dissipating in the thin rays of light. The noises from our surroundings seem to disappear, and even the cold melts in his eyes.

Kiro: The wedding night.  

He repeats. The words on the tip of his tongue seem to be dyed in the scorching warmth of his breath.

Kiro reaches out and brings a lock of my hair to his lips, giving it a kiss. We are only separated by a small and narrow table in the middle. 

Kiro: Even though my wish has already been fulfilled, I still want more. Am I being too greedy?

I have no idea how to respond. His eyes are scorching, making my heart feel flustered. 

Reason tells me to shift backwards, but I don’t move at all. I watch as he leans closer, and wait for his breath to enter my territory like a patter of rain.

Suddenly, the corner of the table reaches its limit and flips sideways. Kiro, whose hand was on the table and is unable to react in time, falls towards me. 

MC: !

The red ribbon in my line of sight flies. Before I can react, I fall heavily onto the couch, but Kiro has subconsciously protected my head by placing his hand behind it.

Kiro: Are you hurt? 

Our clothes are tangled, and our loose hair is spread out under us. His arm is at my ear, supporting himself, and the shadow he casts has almost completely enveloped me. 

The spilt wine on the couch emits a fragrance, causing the temperature of the room to rise. 

With our close distance, our breathing quickens and becomes ragged. It’s as though we are taking up each other’s space to breathe, and yet are unwilling to move away. 

Kiro: Miss Chips, close your eyes. 

Only after a few seconds can my mind comprehend his words. But Kiro doesn’t wait. 

Under the swaying lights, everything in front of me seems to emit pure light. His eyelashes sweep across gently, like a butterfly’s wing. His lips are soaked in wine and stained with a lustre.

In the next second, my lips and tongue are claimed by Kiro’s scorching breath.

I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

The darkness amplifies my senses. Noises from the street and from people, and the sound of footsteps seem to be right at my ear. 

My heart beats rapidly, trying to break free from my chest. 

Kiro: Miss Chips...

In a half-lidded daze, I see Kiro’s tender gaze, the hazy lights and shadows, and the ends of our hair entangled together. 

Kiro: Having you... is really nice. 

I tighten my grip, bringing him closer into my arms. 

-

In this corner of Loveland City, on this ordinary winter night, Kiro hugs the girl in his arms, fully satisfied. 

There are still many things he has yet to tell her-

“It was fate which allowed us to meet. It was only when I met you that the ‘nucleus’ belonging to Kiro started to operate. 

It’s you who enabled me to become a star.”

-

[ CHAPTER FIVE: Extras ] 

Kiro: Miss Chips, your face is really red.

After the shoot is over, Kiro suddenly says this. After being stunned for a moment, I respond without thinking.

MC: Your face is really red too.

As Savin walks past hurriedly, he hears our conversation and asks in bewilderment:

Savin: Why are both of your faces so red?

Kiro: It’s because... [sheepish laugh]

MC: I-it’s a little hot! Maybe I stuck on too many heat packs!

Savin: You two can open the window to get some air. Be careful not to catch a cold.

Kiro opens the window, and he starts musing about how Western weddings are romantic, but Chinese weddings have a certain solemnity to them:

Kiro: You only have one life, and you only have one person. Kowtow to the heaven and the earth, drink from linked wine cups, and the rest of our lives will belong to each other.

Kiro shares his fears of not being able to convey his thoughts to the audience through the film

While MC assures him that everything will turn out well, she brushes against the Fairy Pendant

She wonders why it wasn’t featured in the film

Kiro ties it onto her waist

[Trivia: Jade pendants are believed to bring people good luck, and protect its owner’s body and spirit from harm. The colour green in jade also signifies balance, wealth, fertility, luck, harmony, and long life - qualities essential for every happy marriage.]

Kiro: Since you’ve accepted my jade pendant, you belong to me now!

MC: What...?!

Before I can even express my confusion, my hands are held tightly in his.

His fingertips are warm, as though they are about to melt the air. Time passes slowly, brewing this moment into a beautiful dream.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc kiro #the spiciest date out of the four LOL

[queenofmoons67]

Canary

Summary: Jin Guangyao is fond of Nie Huaisang and doesn’t want to kill him—even when he’s discovered some of Jin Guangyao’s deepest darkest secrets.

Or, in which Wei Wuxian finds more than just Nie Mingjue’s head in Jin Guangyao’s vault.

Characters: NHS, LXC, WWX, LWJ, JGY

Wei Ying’s paperman hurried through the mirror after Jin Guangyao.

In the weeks since Mo Xuanyu had brought him back, he had mostly just been hanging out in the cultivation world drinking, taking care of the odd night hunt, and spying on his old friends and family.

It had been on one such spy trip that Wei Ying had first become suspicious of Jin Guangyao. His nephew, Jin Ling, had hesitantly inquired after the health of one of his other uncles—none other than Mo Xuanyu himself. That wouldn’t have been enough on its own to make Wei Ying suspicious, but then Jin Guangyao had smiled pleasantly and lied with no hesitation about how he had received a letter from Madam Mo just the other week about how well they were doing.

Since then, Wei Ying had been doing everything he could to investigate Jin Guangyao, but it was hard when he had almost nothing to go on. It was time, he’d decided, to go straight to the source.

Using the distraction of a Discussion Conference in Koi Tower, he had stashed his body in an empty guest room, and gone to hang out in Jin Guangyao’s rooms. Hours had passed with nothing found before Qin Su appeared, trying to talk to Jin Guangyao about why he refused to even touch her once they were in private. When her husband just turned away instead, Qin Su had left, face stony—and that was when things started getting interesting with the mirror reveal.

Wei Ying drifted through the air after Jin Guangyao, and when the man finally came to a stop by the back wall, he hurried to a bookcase just a few feet away, fitting himself up against it and peering around the corner.

If he had a jaw, it would have dropped.

Jin Guangyao wasn’t alone anymore. There was a figure sitting crosslegged on a small bed and leaning against the wall he was chained to, talismans plastered around him that had kept him from view when Wei Ying first entered.

The figure had a soft voice, and Wei Ying found himself leaning forward to listen to their conversation.

“Back early, San-ge? Did something happen?”

Jin Guangyao scoffed as the figure raised his head and smiled. “Don’t pretend like you care, A-Sang. We both know—”

Whatever Jin Guangyao said was lost behind the mirror when Wei Ying darted back the way he had come, flying recklessly down the halls. He couldn’t risk Jin Guangyao moving the man before he could return with help.

Nie Huaisang was supposed to have died five years ago, so how come he was chained up in Jin Guangyao’s secret room?

<line break>

Nie Huaisang whirled to face the entrance as it banged open. He hastily put down the papers he’d been going through and adopted a weak smile—but it was too late. Jin Guangyao stared at him, hand already drifting up and ready to draw his sword.

“San-ge!” Nie Huaisang cried, blinking tears into his eyes. “You’ll never believe—”

“A-Sang. Why are you going through my desk?”

“I—I needed your help, but you weren’t here, so I thought—”

“You thought wrong,” Jin Guangyao interrupted, voice flat. “You shouldn’t be here, A-Sang.”

“San-ge—”

“Why did you have to poke your nose where it doesn’t belong?” Jin Guangyao sighed, even as he stepped forward one smooth movement at a time and Nie Huaisang backed up until his back pressed against the desk. “I like you, A-Sang, I do. You’re my brother; I don’t want to kill you.”

“It’s a pity Da-ge didn’t warrant the same feeling,” Nie Huaisang spit. Giving up his ‘headshaker’ routine as lost, he dashed forward, shoulder tucked to ram past his once-brother and already drawing breath to shout—

He only caught a glimpse of Hensheng’s flat blade before it collided with his head.

<line break>

Wei Ying, back in his physical body, knocked on the door of a guest room he had noted earlier.

“Hanguang-jun!” he called. “Lan Zhan! I need your—help.” Wei Ying blinked up at the blank-faced Lan.

“Yes?”

Shaking himself, Wei Ying grabbed Lan Zhan’s wrist and dragged him towards Jin Guangyao’s rooms. “There’s no time to explain,” he panted. “But Jin Guangyao has Nie Huaisang locked up in—”

“Nie Huaisang is dead.”

“I thought so too! But that was definitely him—” Wei Ying jerked to a stop as Lan Zhan refused to take another step. “Lan Zhan—”

“Who are you? Why should I trust you?”

Wei Ying stared up at his old friend and enemy. Lan Zhan didn’t seem angry; his brow was wrinkled, yes, but Wei Ying thought it was in confusion. “I…”

Why should Lan Zhan trust him? True, they had been friends once, and Wei Ying still trusted Lan Zhan to the point that he’d been the first person he’d run to for help tonight—but to Lan Zhan, he was still just strange Mo Xuanyu at best, and the Yiling Patriarch at worst.

“Because you’re Hanguang-jun,” he finally said. “You help people, even if that means going where the danger is. Is now any different?”

For a moment, Lan Zhan just looked back at him. Then he nodded. “Mn. Show me where Nie Huaisang is.”

<line break>

Nie Huaisang didn’t look at Jin Guangyao when he heard him step through the mirror and into the room.

He didn’t look at him when he heard him moving around, or when he checked that the chains were tight and intact.

He didn’t look at Jin Guangyao when he put fresh food and water in front of Nie Huaisang and quietly urged him to eat while picking up the untouched plate.

For the first week he was in Jin Guangyao’s mirror, Nie Huaisang never looked away from the curtains hiding his Da-ge’s head.

<line break>

Lan Xichen turned the corner to his room to settle in for the night, only to collide with something moving fast. The person cried out, stumbling back, and Lan Xichen reached out quickly to steady the smaller figure.

“Are you ok—Mo Xuanyu?” He asked, surprised to see his sworn brother’s half-brother. “What are you doing at Koi Tower?” Are you even allowed here?

“Mo Xuanyu?” a familiar voice asked, and Lan Xichen looked up, startled, to see Wangji narrowing his eyes at the man.

“My name,” Mo Xuanyu said hastily. “No time, sorry Zewu-jun! Lan Zhan, Nie Huaisang!”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded, following Mo Xuanyu down the hall and leaving Lan Xichen to stand alone, heart thundering and staring after them. Had—had they said Nie Huaisang?

<line break>

Nie Huaisang rested his head on the cold stone wall behind him and studied the ceiling. In the years since he’d been stashed away as just another one of Jin Guangyao’s secrets, he had tried just about everything he could think of to escape—not that there was a lot, when you were chained up in a pocket dimension that almost no one knew existed.

His best chance had been when a young man started coming in and studying various papers. Jin Guangyao had put up talismans around Nie Huaisang’s corner, though, and no matter what Nie Huaisang did, he couldn’t catch the boy’s attention and make him realize there was someone else there.

And now, even that chance seemed to have vanished. The man hadn’t been back in weeks.

“It’s just you, me, and Da-ge now, huh,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his head to the side and studying the Ghost General.

<line break>

Lan Xichen caught up to Wangji and Mo Xuanyu outside of A-Yao’s rooms, Mo Xuanyu clearly posed to knock down the doors.

“Wangji!” Lan Xichen cried. “What’s happening? Do you—you think that A-Sang is in A-Yao’s rooms? But—” he shook his head, bewildered “—but why? A-Sang has been dead for years!”

“Did you see him die, Zewu-jun?” Mo Xuanyu asked, voice soft and so unlike the man Lan Xichen remembered, despite how his question rocked him. If A-Sang wasn’t dead, then—

Taking a deep breath, Lan Xichen forced himself to look at the issue logically. “No, I didn’t. I was at Cloud Recesses, and A-Sang was visiting A-Yao here. He was overwhelmed with work, so A-Yao—A-Yao thought that a night hunt might help him clear his head. It was supposed to be a small one, so they only took a handful of disciples with them, and…” And A-Sang’s body was burned beyond recognition.

“Nie disciples, too? Or just Jin disciples?”

Lan Xichen blinked. “A-Yao never said,” he said slowly. “I just assumed… why wouldn’t A-Sang have taken disciples with him?

“Unless it was a cover story.”

Mo Xuanyu nodded once, face open. He was sympathetic, but also clearly eager to move on.

If A-Sang was actually in there, then Lan Xichen understood why. If he wasn’t, A-Yao would understand.

Stepping forward, Lan Xichen cut the door down himself, then stood back and let Mo Xuanyu lead the way.

If A-Sang wasn’t dead, then Lan Xichen had abandoned his didi.

<line break>

Nie Huaisang gaped at the path of destruction trailing to the mirror, and likely continuing outside of it. The Ghost General had just ripped his chains from the wall and dragged them after him, not caring how they crashed into everything.

Nie Huaisang was mostly just thankful the destruction hadn’t included his own bed, but… but there was a part of him, not yet drowned out by the long days spent chained up, that had hoped if the Ghost General escaped, he would take Nie Huaisang with him. Even if the fierce corpse was just an empty vessel after all that Jin Guangyao did to him, Nie Huaisang had liked to think they were friends. They had been each other’s only decent company for years, after all.

“Not counting you, Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang laughed. “But you are just a head.”

Lying down and still looking at where the Ghost General had been just a few scant minutes ago, for the first time in a long time, Nie Huaisang wished for one of his old fans—for the comfort of it tapping against his palms and chin; for the distraction it would provide; for the swish as it opened and gave him something to hide his tears behind.

“We’re going to be here forever, Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang sobbed.

<line break>

The room was empty, but Mo Xuanyu crossed it swiftly, heading straight for a large mirror against the back wall—and then through it. Wangji and Lan Xichen shared a look of alarm and hurried after him.

A wall of sound hit Lan Xichen the moment he stepped inside the mirror; Mo Xuanyu had grabbed a sword from a stand and was using its sheath to block A-Yao and Hensheng’s ringing blows.

Lan Xichen could have excused that. They were intruding, after all, and Mo Xuanyu had been banished from Koi Tower—A-Yao had a right to defend himself. But A-Yao was avoiding the space behind himself, despite Mo Xuanyu pressing the advantage. It was like there was an invisible line that A-Yao couldn’t cross.

And maybe there was.

Lan Xichen and Wangji hurried forward, Wangji going to help Mo Xuanyu and Lan Xichen ignoring everything but that invisible line.

There were shouts around him, A-Yao calling for him to stop, Mo Xuanyu taunting A-Yao—even the voice of Wangji, quiet yet cutting, telling A-Yao to let them through.

Lan Xichen just kept moving until the moment his foot stepped where A-Yao had refused to, and the blank wall in front of him gave way to a small, shouting figure.

“—here! I’m here!”

He broke off even as Lan Xichen stopped, both of them staring.

The figure was chained to a wall,  his clothes brown and black instead of green and gold, and his hair pulled back into a messy topknot that lacked its usual braids. He was thin and pale in a way that spoke of years inside and a lack of even the small amount of exercise he used to do. He was crying.

“Er-ge!”

“A-Sang!” Lan Xichen surged forwards, sweeping him into a hug and making sure to restrain his strength even as A-Sang tucked his face into Lan Xichen’s shoulder.

They were both crying now, their robes damp with tears, and Lan Xichen forced himself to take in great, shuddering breaths of air. He couldn’t lose himself to crying, because A-Sang needed him. A-Sang needed him, and Lan Xichen was finally there.

“I’ve got you,” he said. “I’ve got you, A-Sang.”

<line break>

Nie Huaisang clung to Lan Xichen as tightly as he could, tears blurring his vision—but he still tilted his face out of Lan Xichen’s robes just enough to keep his eyes fixed on the fight in front of him. Though he didn’t think Jin Guangyao would harm their second brother, he had thought the same about Da-ge. He wouldn’t risk taking his eyes off Jin Guangyao for as long as Lan Xichen had his back turned to him.

And, he admitted to himself, the satisfaction of watching Jin Guangyao find himself backed into a corner burned white-hot inside him.

He had wanted this for so long.

What would he do, Nie Huaisang wondered, when he was free from that want? Free from Jin Guangyao? The Nie Sect had surely gotten along fine without him, as he’d at least left instructions for a close cousin to take over as leader. They might not even want him back.

He didn’t know if he wanted to go back, anyway. He had had enough of stone walls to last him a lifetime, and while the Unclean Realm had its nature, going back would mean submitting himself to responsibilities once more.

Maybe he could wander the cultivation world, painting fans and listening to birds. Or maybe, Nie Huaisang thought as Lan Xichen’s arms tightened around him at the sound of Lan Wangji stabbing Jin Guangyao through the heart, the Lans would welcome him at Cloud Recesses. He could paint fans and listen to birds there, after all. It could be a form of quiet retirement—though not too quiet that he would remember this room.

Closing his eyes on Jin Guangyao, Nie Huaisang buried his face fully into Lan Xichen’s robes and let himself relax in the arms of his er-ge.

<line break>

if you're wondering: WWX and LWJ leave LXC and NHS to their reunion, and talk by themselves. it doesn't take long for WWX to make a certain facial expression--or hum a certain tune--and LWJ quickly realizes what's up.

#nie huaisang #lan xichen #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangji #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #the untamed #cql #mdzs fanfic #mine #My fic #fanfic

[unforth]

List of Differences Between MDZS and CQL/Untamed

I haven’t seen a comprehensive list of differences between the Modao Zushi novel and Chengqingling/The Untamed. Someone in one of my Discord’s asked earlier today, and in reply, myself, Joythea, @floofz, HeadphonesGal, and mustache apologist compiled this list, based on what we remembered. I’ve reproduced that list here with permission of the people involved in the conversation. I’ve tried to include what happens in both the novel AND CQL for each item, but in general, the list was more written as, “here are things that happened in CQL that didn’t happen or happened differently in the novel,” with an eye toward explaining it to someone familiar with the novel but not with the live action adaptation. 

Note that this contains...like...all the spoilers. Also, I am not an expert on either the novel or the live action, though I’m better acquainted with the second. As a group we did our best to make sure this was accurate, but I’ve transcribed and expanded it for posting and I can’t promise I haven’t made mistakes. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG and I will amend it (that’s why I used a read more - so I can make changes without it getting all messed up by reblogs of different versions)!

General Concept/Overarching Differences:

Death, Fierce Corpses, and Puppets: Censorship means that none of the things they hunt in the Untamed are actually dead. Once, they’re even able to explicitly “free” a group of controlled puppets and they revert to being regular people. At times this means certain events are...extremely poorly...explained, such as what happens to Wen Ning, where it’s never explicitly said that he’s dead - it’s instead implied that Wen Ning was on the verge of death and that Wei Wuxian controlled him and was able to save him. However, though it’s never explicit that there are essentially zombies in CQL, it would be difficult to explain events by any other interpretation. Much like with homosexuality, they flirt as close to what the censors will allows as they can and allow a viewer to infer from there.

The Yin Iron: In the novel, there is no Yin Iron. Wen Ruohan’s motivation for his actions is simply more power and is entirely “human.” The Wen don’t do demonic cultivation. Xue Yang doesn’t have a piece of the Yin Iron, and his ancestor didn’t create it (obviously, since it doesn’t exist). In the novel, the “Founder of Demonic Cultivation” is clearly meant to be Wei Wuxian, whereas if the concept of “Modao Zushi” ever came up in the Untamed it would be ambiguous at best who was being referred to, since both Xue Yang’s ancestor and Wen Ruohan could theoretically deserve the title. Since there is no Yin Iron, many of the things ascribed to the Yin Iron obviously don’t happen, nor does it drive the plot in the “past,” nor does it play a part in the death of Xuanwu, nor is it what Wei Wuxian uses to craft the Stygian Tiger Amulet.

While this isn’t explicit, it seems (at least to me) like everyone is a few years older in CQL than they are in the novel. For example, in the novel, the Lectures start when the young cultivators are all 15 - 16 years old. That...doesn’t really fit with how they look in CQL? I personally think they’re more like 17 - 18 in CQL, and then events proceed from there. However, their ages aren’t stated in CQL canon so this is open to interpretation.

Technically, WangXian is subtext in the Untamed, by the slimmest of obfuscations. Seriously, it’s so borderline to being canon that calling it subtext is slightly ridiculous but since it’s never ACTUALLY explicit...I guess that makes it subtext. Also, ya know, there’s porn in the novel.

Characters and Characterizations:

Mo Xuanyu: Mo Xuanyu isn’t gay in the Untamed, unlike in the novel. In the novel, it’s said that Mo Xuanyu falls out of favor with the Jin clan because he’s made inappropriate sexual advances on Jin Guangyao. In the Untamed, the implication is that he made similar advances on Qin Su. In both, it’s also implied these weren’t the real reasons but it’s also never explained what actually did happen. Also, in the novel, he favors wearing thickly caked makeup to obscure his appearance (and subsequently Wei Wuxian does the same) whereas in CQL while makeup is mentioned he’s basically only ever shown or discussed as wearing a mask.

Wei Wuxian/Mo Xuanyu: In the novel, Mo Xuanyu sacrifices himself and Wei Wuxian takes over his body. However, in the Untamed, Wei Wuxian is more...reborn?...whole, in his own appearance (the logistics of this, or if he was ever dead, or where he was if he WAS dead, are never explained). He wears a mask because if he didn’t, everyone would (and ultimately does) recognize him. 

Wei Wuxian: In the novel, doing demonic cultivation clearly twists Wei Wuxian and some of his actions are either accidental but still his fault, or intentional. For example, the torture of Wen Chao is intentional and brutal, and the loss of control of Wen Ning at Qiongqi Path is accidental but still his fault - a result of his hubris and poor decisions. In CQL, a second flute is played at Qiongqi pass and also when Wei Wuxian fights the cultivation clans outside the Nightless City - both of the major times when Wei Wuxian ostensibly loses control. Though Wei Wuxian himself thinks it’s his fault, it’s actually not - the person responsible is Su She - and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji eventually learn this. However, CQL does still show Wei Wuxian being changed by the resentment. His temper is more volatile and his trust more limited; for example, he loses his temper with A-Yuan at one point, which doesn’t happen in the novel.

Lan Wangji: differences in Lan Wangji’s characterization are a little harder to quantify but in general in CQL he seems more open/expressive/comfortable in his own skin, and less prone to anger. For example, when he steals Wei Wuxian’s first kiss on Phoenix Mountain in the novel, he loses his temper and destroys an entire grove of trees. This...would not be in character for Lan Wangji in CQL (and of course they don’t kiss in CQL). However, putting it in definitive terms is complicated. For another difference, in the novel, Lan Wangji confronts the cultivation clans to protect Wei Wuxian, and thus is given 33 strikes with the discipline whip. In CQL, his actions are more ambivalent in Wei Wuxian’s defense...certainly, he doesn’t stand against everyone else in a pitch to save Wei Wuxian’s life...but he’s still explicit enough for Lan Qiren, who has him beaten 300 times with a stave. (the end result is still “covered in scars,” just different punishments.)

Jiang Yanli: Jiang Yanli’s role is expanded from the novel. She accompanies her brothers to the Lan clan Lectures, and she carries a sword, implying she’s a cultivator, though she never uses it. The back-and-forth related to her engagement to Jin Zixuan is also expanded. Furthermore, she’s with her brothers when they flee Lotus Pier, and at Wen Qing’s outpost when they are in hiding, for at least part of the time. (but not enough of it to be involved in the Golden Core transfer). The overall result is that she feels much less “fridged” in CQL than she did in the novel (or at least, that’s how it felt to me - obviously, some of these bullet points are subjective to varying extents).

Luo “Mianmian” Qingyang: In the novel, she’s a member of an independent cultivation sect and she’s first introduced during the Wen Clan indoctrination. In the Untamed, she’s a Jin clan disciple and she attends the Lan clan Lectures, and is shown to have a good relationship (friendship, not romantic) with Jin Zixuan. She later renounces her membership in the Jin clan when the clans turn against Wei Wuxian after the end of the Sunshot Campaign. 

Wen Ruohan: In the novel, he’s just a badass mo-fo power hungry pain in the ass. In CQL he is a demonic cultivating megalomaniac who uses the Yin Iron to be, like, Comic Book Evil.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning: Unlike in the novel, where Wen Ning is introduced outside of Lotus Pier, and Wen Qing is introduced after Wen Ning needs a place to hide Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, in the Untamed, Wen Qing and Wen Ning attend the Lan clan Lectures. Wen Qing is there under instructions from Wen Ruohan to seek the Yin Iron; he blackmails her by threatening Wen Ning. Furthermore, Wen Ning is unusually susceptible to spiritual influence as a result of an encounter with the Dafan Mountain Goddess/Fairy statue when he’s a child. The statue kills their parents and starts to drain him, but Wen Qing saves him. She’s not able to heal the damage to him, though, and it’s implied this is part of why it’s possible for Wei Wuxian to raise him using demonic cultivation. Wen Qing in particular has a much greater role in CQL, and she has a romantic subplot with Jiang Cheng. She bears a sword, and she’s also shown to do spellwork and influence people using acupuncture needles.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen: In the novel, we first meet them at Yi City, when their story is already tragic. In CQL, they are introduced right after the Lan Lectures, and are therefore older.

Xue Yang: As with Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, he is introduced earlier in CQL than in the novel. In CQL, he also possesses a piece of the Yin Iron that he manages to keep hidden and a secret despite multiple attempts by different parties to obtain it (it’s hinted at times that he’s in cahoots with Wei Wuxian, but this is just a character smear). His ancestor created the Yin Iron, and he’s known to be an expert on demonic cultivation.

Meng Yao/Jin Guangyao: Meng Yao is introduced much earlier in CQL than he is in the novel, as we see him when the Nie cultivators are welcomed to the Lan lectures (and we’re shown upfront and immediately that Lan Xichen treats him more respectfully than most others do). In the novel, we don’t find out much about the evil things he’s done until Wei Wuxian does Empathy on Nie Mingjue’s head; in CQL, more of that is shown “on screen” as it occurs. For example, he’s shown conspiring with Xue Yang in the Unclean Realm, and right after that is when Nie Mingjue catches him slaughtering another officer (which none of the other characters know about). He also saves Nie Mingjue’s life during that scene, painting him as morally ambiguous and complicated from a very early point. We also “see” as it happens the incident in right after the fall of Nightless City, where Nie Mingjue goes to kill Meng Yao and is prevented by Lan Xichen, and there are more explicit indications that he’s manipulating Jin Guangshan and is involved in the plot to turn everyone against Wei Wuxian.

Ouyang Zizhen: Ouyang Zizhen appears only briefly in the novel, during the Yi City arc. In CQL he has a much expanded role and is a pretty much perpetual fourth to Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui, and Lan Jingyi (especially post Yi City). He’s present most of the times they meet, and involved in Jin Ling’s confrontation with Wen Ning, and is present at the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds, where he intervenes with his father on behalf of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. And he’s one of the best beans.

Sequence of Events:

In the novel, when Wei Wuxian awakes at Mo Manor, the Lan clan disciples come and they find an evil left arm that kills and possesses people. In CQL, they find a sword that does the same. This leads to changes throughout the plot in what, exactly, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are searching for. In the novel, they pursue the pieces of Nie Mingjue’s body to various sites. In CQL, they instead are led to the same sequence of places by a sword spirit which turns out to be Baxia.

When Mo Xuanyu raises Wei Wuxian in the novel, Wei Wuxian has three curse scars representing three people that need to die: Madam Mo, Mo Ziyuan, and...one of the servants I think? In CQL, Wei Wuxian has a fourth cut that represents a fourth person he must kill: Jin Guangyao.

Because the risen dead don’t exist in the Untamed, the Dafan Mountain Goddess/Fairy statue incident plays out a little different. For example, Wei Wuxian doesn’t figure out what’s happened by observing graves, he figures it out by seeing “spirit grass.” However, the outcomes are essentially the same from a plot point of view.

In CQL, the extended flashback to the lectures starts right after Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian meet (right after Wen Ning is summoned and then flees). I don’t remember exactly how the timeline/intermingling of narratives from different points in times is structured in the novel but I know it’s different. They spend far longer in the “present” before going to the past, and jump back and forth a bit more too.

In CQL, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have an early bonding period during the lectures (the lectures over all get more attention/time than in the novel) when they are drawn into a cave in the backhills that they enter through the cold spring. Within, there’s a guqin and a bunch of rabbits and the...spiritual embodiment?...of Lan Yi, who is introduced as the first female leader of the Lan Clan, a close friend of Baoshen Sanren, and the creator of the Chord Assassination Technique. Lan Yi acquaints them with the existence of the Yin Iron. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji also engage in a symbolic hand-fasting during this scene. In the show, this is where the bunnies come from; Wei Wuxian doesn’t capture them and bring them as “presents” like he does in the novel.

In CQL, between the Lectures and the Sunshot Campaign, Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Nie Huaisang do some night hunting together. Among other things, during this time they meet Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen, and Song Lan, when Xue Yang slaughters the Chang clan. This obviously has major implications for the role and age of these characters in CQL versus in the novel, when none of the three are met until Yi City. This time spent night-hunting is also when the flower spirit mini-side plot takes place, but it doesn’t get much screen time and isn’t as prominent as in the novel, nor is the entire “Wei Wuxian woos her where no one else did” thing a feature of the show. Also, they encounter the Dafan Mountain Goddess at this time.

The Wen Clan attacks Cloud Recesses in the novel because of perceived improprieties, and Lan Wangji is injured while trying to protect the library. Lan Xichen disappears, and Clan Leader Lan is killed. In CQL, Clan Leader Lan is already dead at this point and Lan Xichen is in charge of the clan (while it’s never explicit, it’s implied that the age gap between Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji, and between Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang, is greater in the show than it is in the novel). When Wen Xu attacks, they hide in the cave where Lan Yi appeared to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, but the disciples who aren’t members of the Lan specifically can’t enter, so Wen Xu begins to massacre them. To prevent that, Lan Wangji emerges, and that’s when his leg is broken. (Su She is also prominent in this scene in CQL, but he’s not in the novel.)

During the Indoctrinations, in CQL it’s shown that Wei Wuxian is afraid of dogs after Wen Chao locks him in a dungeon room with one. This also serves as bonding time with Wen Ning, who helps Wei Wuxian with medicine that Wen Qing has provided. This scene doesn’t take place in the novel; in the novel Wei Wuxian’s fear of dogs is almost entirely shown through his interactions with Fairy.

Also during the Indoctrinations in CQL, there’s a lot of friction between Wen Chao and Wen Qing because Wen Qing keeps trying to help the prisoners in small ways. In the novel, Wen Qing hasn’t been introduced at this point in the story.

Wei Wuxian’s Death: In the novel, Wei Wuxian retreats to the Burial Mounds, the clans unite against him, storm the Burial Mounds, and kill him - Jiang Cheng gets credit for the kill, but in actuality, Wei Wuxian's own resentment-controlled undead tear him apart when his magic backfires. (see this comment for more info) In the Untamed, after a battle outside the Nightless City, Wei Wuxian realizes how wrong everything has gone, destroys the Stygian Tiger amulet, and throws himself from the mountain. Despite a “tease” that Jiang Cheng stabbed him, it’s later shown that no, Wei Wuxian’s death was suicide despite Lan Wangji trying to save him and Jiang Cheng deciding not to stab him.

Wen Chao’s Death: While it’s implied in CQL that Wei Wuxian has been tormenting Wen Chao, it’s nowhere near as explicit as in the novel. It’s loosely suggested in CQL that perhaps Wen Chao’s condition when Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find him is the result of fear and self-neglect - basically that Wei Wuxian’s torment is causing Wen Chao to hallucinate frightening things. Instead of, you know, Wei Wuxian’s torment causing him to eat himself.

In the novel, Wei Wuxian is dead for 13 years. In CQL, he’s dead for 16 years.

Wei Wuxian’s resurrection: In the novel, because Wei Wuxian doesn’t look like himself, he doesn’t realize that Lan Wangji has recognized him because he played WangXian, so he engages in multiple behaviors to try to disgust and drive Lan Wangji away (all of which fail, of course, because Lan Wangji knows the truth). In CQL, because Wei Wuxian looks like himself, when he wakes up without his mask in Cloud Recesses he immediately knows that Lan Wangji has recognized him and there’s no further mystery in that regard (except for how Lan Wangji recognized him while he WAS masked, which is the same in both - because of the song). (Lan Xichen also subsequently recognizes him while he’s masked, at an earlier point than he does in the novel unless I’ve badly misremembered. Which is always possible).

The Yi City arc is quite different between the two. Honestly, I skip the most painful parts of the Yi City arc, including the entire flashback sequences, because I knew they’d fuck me up right good without being worth it, so I’m not able to go into depth here, but. Some examples include:

Because in CQL, Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and Xue Yang were introduced during the “past” timeline, they’re considerably older than in the novel.

Due to censorship, A-Qing is not a spirit as she is in the novel. Instead, she’s still alive but she’s had her tongue torn out and been blinded by Xue Yang. She ultimately sacrifices her life to help Wei Wuxian et al kill Xue Yang.

In CQL, it’s shown that Xiao Xingchen would leave a sweet on Xue Yang’s pillow every day, and when Xue Yang dies the last gifted sweet falls from his hand.

(if anyone reading this wants to help flesh it out please do chime in because I know it’s incomplete but I Cannot with that bit of the story.)

During the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds, in the novel, after Wei Wuxian paints himself with the lure talismans, he and Lan Wangji are on the verge of being overpowered when the corpses of the Wen clan members that Wei Wuxian saved rise from the blood pool and help protect them. In CQL, the Wen clan members are hung by the Jin clan and left for the birds outside of the Nightless City, so they could never have been in the blood pool, even if such a thing would have made it past censors (which it never would have).

The novel contains pornographic content, including an illicit kiss that Lan Wangji steals from Wei Wuxian during the Phoenix Mountain hunt, and actual sex, with their first time being before the confrontation at Guanyin Temple. 

During the Guanyin temple confrontation, in the novel there’s extensive discussion of Jin Guangyao’s childhood in the brothel, including information about his mother and why he spared Sisi as opposed to all the other prostitutes. Further, it’s explicit that the Guanyin temple has been built on the site where that brothel used to stand and that the coffin Jin Guangyao is digging up is meant to contain his mother’s body. The entire temple is dedicated to her. In CQL a lot of this is simply not explained or left ambiguous.

In the novel, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are married and return to Cloud Recesses. In CQL, they travel together for a time, part ways, and then are reunited. Lan Wangji becomes the Chief Cultivator, replacing Jin Guangyao.

...that’s everything we came up with. Alright, everyone, what’d we miss? :D

#mdzs #modaozushi #the untamed #untamed #chenqingling #resource #i don't even know how to tag this #i hope this is helpful and doesn't seem biased #obviously i have my preferences as do we all but I tried to just list what was different #without assigning value to one or the other #because i know i've wished for a list like this a time or two #if folks do suggest changes or additions #i will add them when i'm able #but make no promises of promptness #sorry

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Christmas Time at the Nie Palace

Okay… Okay Christmas. 

So I’d like to start by pointing out that like… I don’t celebrate Christmas like in any real way? It’s just a fun excuse to get together with my friends. And we all seem to be on the same page with that. 

So SangSang threw a party. Let me just say, the Nie’s know how to blow it up, okay? Like apparently DaGe did a lot of the planning too? Which surprised me. But they got IN to it.

I… Okay so in my mind DaGe probably just hoisted that giant tree in by himself. Like just WOOMPH like the man is a tank. 

Realistically I know that Lan Xichen helped him and they probably used a trolley or something. But like…. Picturing Nie MingJue just HOISTING  a gigantic christmas tree into the main hall is just… I can’t picture it any other way. It’s just how it happened. Fanon is better than Canon in this instance don’t @ me.

But I know that both he and Nie Huaisang did most of the decorating together. Technically they are rich (not even technically but they don’t ACT like rich bois so I forget) and could have just hired people to do it for them, but I guess this is something that they both love to do together. A shared tradition. And their house (mansion????) is not small. So like it took some TIME. And like… probably lots of ladders? Because even DaGe isn’t that tall. 

I had about .5 seconds to appreciate this, however, before I heard happy screams of children. Which is good because there WERE children. If there are no children and you hear children screaming, leave.  But as there were children, we were good. 

Said children screamed my name and suddenly two tiny bodies were yeeting themselves at me. 

Not to worry, Jin Ling does this A LOT (though he must have taught A-Yuan because that was a first.

A-Yuan jumped very nicely into my arms though. Just a nice little hop and swoop right on my hip. 

Jin Ling, however, is a little monster who NEVER jumps nice. He jumps to the side and expects me to catch him! Now to be fair, I always DO, but I won’t deny that the first time it happened it gave me a fucking heart attack. 

I do believe that Lan Zhan felt my pain this day because when Jin Ling sailed into my arms and immediately leaned outwards so that he’d swing by whatever limb I’d managed to nab, Lan Zhan ruined everything by stabilizing him. (How is his hand like the size of Jin Ling’s entire torso? ((Like with the fingers spread but still???)))) Anyway.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen that quality of death glare out of a 3 year old before. Impressive. 

Lan Zhan backed away immediately and Jin Ling promptly returned his attention back to his best uncle in the whole wide world (me.).

So now I had two young boys in my arms babbling away about this and that at the same time so I couldn’t understand a word of it. 

Is there anything sweeter? 

Eventually I managed to make out that they wanted me to go into the other room where the real party was. A-Ling was talking about how his mama wanted to see me and so she’d sent him for guard duty. (Found out later from Shijie that she had mentioned my name one time in passing saying that she was looking forward to me arriving with Lan Zhan and Jin Ling IMMEDIATELY went off to wait for me. When A-Yuan arrived instead of me he was apparently a bit disappointed until he realized that now he had a friend to wait with him. And so that’s apparently when they plotted the joint throw. A-Yuan said I was supposed to fall over but I was apparently just too strong.)

Anyway. I hoisted them up higher on my hips and we tramped off to the main room…. Is it a living room? Dining room? Ballroom? Fuck if I know they have too many rooms. It was a big room with enough space for entertaining a lot of people. Anyway. We went there. And were greeted by… A LOT of people! Like Apparently Nie Huaisang had decided to invite everyone I know? Or actually I think DaGe suggested some of them?

Okay so… Um… I think this is what Wen Ning said.. DaGe and Wen Qing hit it off at my birthday in a like… platonic way because that sounds like a crackship. Since they are both hella gay. But like they got to talking at my birthday and like she gave him some medical opinions on a part of a case he was working on or something???? And now they’re like… legit in contact with each other? She helps with forensics or something?

I don’t get it. 

But Nie Huaisang was saying they should bring in some of the people they met at my birthday because he liked them and DaGe said he’d already added Wen Qing to the list? 

Nd Nie Huaisang said that they couldn’t just invite ONE Wen 

And so

They invited

All of them???

Including Granny and Uncle Four????? Who they had NOT met before this? I guess???

Which was why A-Yuan was there and because A-Yuan was there A-Ling was there because playdate? Or something? And so Shijie and the peacock were both there because of course he was coming if his wife and son were there (although A-Lian was with her grandparents because she doesn’t do so well at parties most of the time ((My birthday was a fluke???? Or maybe she just likes me. Hard to tell with that babe. Stares like a cat seeing a ghost in the corner of the room. Seems to like Lan Zhan though. Maybe because he stares the same way????????? Am I a ghost?????? In the corner of the roooommmmmm????? Spoopy. ))

Anyway THey were there but then SO WAS JIANG CHENG because apparently, appAReNTlY Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang don’t know that Nie Huaisang is also my friend? Because they’re all rich and rich people all know other rich people and when you’re friends with other rich people it’s okay because you’re ‘making a connection network’ and so Jiang Cheng through a loophole of rich=dumb  apparently? (Like not that the rich people are dumb but the like the whole rich ettiquette is just bonkers) he was allowed to network at this Christmas gathering. Because I think they assumed that rich people only invite other rich people to their parties? When really it ended up being a pretty even 50/50 split. 

So okay the wens were there and Shijie and her +1 and A-Ling, and Jiang Cheng (who I hugged immediately but just listing this out first bare with me.) was there. And Lan Zhan and I were there and Lan Xichen was there of course. Though… isn’t he dating that other Jin guy? I wonder why he WASN’T there? I think there’s some beef between him and DaGe or something and I guess if DaGe didn’t like me I’d avoid him too…. You know to stay alive… But hmm… Lan Xichen didn't seem too upset. So I guess it’s fine? Seemed to have fun with DaGe anyway. 

(Is it wrong to ship? I mean…. They’d be so good together????? Like that’s their business but I feel like a meddling old spinster aunt trying to get people together. Idk. Whatever. Moving on). Oh oh oh And Gamby and her wife were there!! And MianMian and Qin Su! Like it was literally everyone who had been at my birthday + more! (because Uncle Four and Granny Wen. But still. They count! And I was so excited to see them hahah.) So like apparently gatherings are good for networking. Lol. 

So yeah Everyone was there. But the first person I saw was Jiang Cheng. Who I’d thought, honestly and truly, that I’d never get to see again. 

I don’t know which of us started the hug. Maybe it was the same time. But for once he didn’t bitch about it and I wasn’t a little shit about it either. 

Just…. Jiang Cheng really gives great hugs. He told me that he missed me. And said that he was working things out on his end and to be patient please. Promised me and made me promise back that we were still brothers. Forever. 

And that was about all of the feely feels we could handle in public because EVERYONE WAS STARING AT US….

Except Lan Zhan who had disappeared? I didn’t notice until then. But poof. 

…………………

Just asked him where he was for the first bit of the party and he said apparently he’d brought the Emperor’s Smile to the kitchen and ended up getting stuck for a bit helping the cook finish off some stuff because he’s an angel and the nicest person in the world. 

Which… explains why I saw him later holding a tray of hors-d’oeuvres (had to ask Lan Zhan how to spell that…. Maybe shouldn’t have because that’s dangerously close to telling him I had a blog? I think he probably just thinks I’m texting someone about it….. Weeks after it happened…… O.O;;;; uh…. Well he didn’t ask about it so I guess I’m good. Whatever moving ON.).

 So we coughed and let go of each other, but I couldn’t resist grinning at him. Just seeing him there. Knowing that he came here and specifically made it so that I could be here too. That he’s going to such lengths and and.. Actually FIGHTING to keep me in his life. Just…

Okay Stop or you’ll cry, Wei Ying. 

What happened next… ah… we went to the party room saw Jiang Cheng and then we got pulled in to stand with the mingling crowd. 

More hugs all around. Even from Wen Qing after she gave me a quick check up to see how I was healing up. Ever the professional.

I guess… I really scared everyone. Not just from the fire but before that too. They knew that I wasn’t doing well and then more and more shit kept happening. And I think I really scared them.

To be honest, I really scared me too. 

But Lan Zhan saved me. So I guess in the end none of us had anything to fear. <3

We were all chilling and talking and I was just starting to worry that Lan Zhan somehow got lost or kidnapped or eaten by a Nie Monster or something when he appeared holding trays of food. I watched him going to the other room and followed him because I was having Lan Zhan withdrawal. 

And found him setting the food down on a MASSIVE table in the HUMUNGAZOID DINING HALL.

Okay so I’ve been to Nie Huaisang’s place before but generally we just like chilled in the normal living areas. But he has these ‘entertaining’ areas for when they have formal gatherings or parties or whatever. And I’d kinda passed by them before but they were just big empty rooms, right? Like oh okay whatever. It’s like passing by a meeting hall in a hotel. Like oh okay just a big empty room for meetings and shit.

Except when they decorate it it transforms into like this huge palace room! Like fuck! Gold and glitter and lights and sparkle and just everything! And really like tastefully done too. It was a lot, but it was the right kind of a lot. And it was all very coordinated. 

I guess Lan Xichen helped a lot with the balance in the end? How often does Lan Xichen come over here that he’s helping set up decor? 

Who knows. 

Not my business.

Still though isn’t he dating Jin Guangyao or whatever? I wonder how he feels about it?

Whatever. Not my business. 

SO I trotted over to Lan Zhan like a little lost duckling and asked if he needed help with anything. He gave me one of those smiles that he saves just for me (my HEART) and lead me over to the other side of the room and told me to sit at the table.  

I was still all flustered from that smile because MY HEART so I didn’t even think to protest until he was already leaving again! Noo! My Lan Zhan Withdrawal wasn’t done yet! But he was only calling for the others to come join us so we could start dinner. Everyone filed in and Lan Zhan sat next to me before anyone else could. 

I tried not to think too much into it at the time but now…. I wonder…

Anyway.

Dinner was amazing. Like think of your favorite holiday food. Okay you got it? It was there. I guarantee it. Like dear god. 

And DELICIOUS

And and Lan Zhan had brought me some Emperor’s Smile that was nice and chilled and delicious. 

Somehow… 

Okay I know, alright. I KNOW! But like 

The taste of that wine… makes me think of him. Of that kiss. 

He doesn’t taste like wine but something… So clean and clear and refreshing. Mellow but still strong. Just…. 

Stop thinking about his LIPS

Okay moving on.

(How many times do I say moving on? I should make a tally.) 

MOVING ON.

Dinner=amazing.

And right when we were ready to burst from eating and eating and eating…..

Dessert

SO 

ACTIVATE SECOND STOMACH! DEPLOY!

Guys… Guys I ate so much food. I’m pretty sure they had to roll me out of the chair.

Oh… wait… no that actually happened. But mostly for the kids I swear. 

I was whining to Lan Zhan that he was gonna have to roll me to the next room (to which he, of course, responded that he would simply carry me instead. Ugh this man) and Jin Ling called me silly and said I should walk. And A-Yuan, who is apparently much too used to my antics, laughed and agreed in a kinda… idk… DO IT kinda way? So I slid to the floor (I know gross but whatever. The things we do for our children) and rolled away from the table. 

Worked though. Both kids started to shriek with laughter, even though A-Ling was trying his best to sound like Jiang Cheng to tell me to get off the floor because it’s dirty. I rolled about 8 feet before Lan Zhan just deadlifted me into his arms and hauled me into the next room. 

Which made me explode and the children laugh even harder.

This. MAN. How am I expected to survive living with this man when HE KEEPS PULLING THIS SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!

I covered my face to hide how red it was and to avoid looking at everyone’s faces. Because I know they all know. Like they are very obvious about how obvious I must be. Like I’m hopeless. Completely and hopelessly in love with Lan Zhan and they all fucking KNOW it and they ALWAYS GIVE ME THESE LOOKS WHEN I’M WITHIN 10 FEET OF THE MAN AND LIKE I GET IT OKAY I KNOW I’M AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY /HE/ DOES NOT KNOW THAT I FEEL THIS WAY AND I DO NOT WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEEP GIVING ME THESE FUCKING LOOKS EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN MY DIRECTION LIKE OKAY I GET IT I KNOW OMG

…………

YES NIE HUAISANG I AM TALKING TO YOU

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Anywaymovingon*lolseewhatididthere?* 

He plopped me very gently on the couch and sat next to me. Immediately the part of my lap that was not taken up by my over-stuffed stomach, was filled by my nephew. Lan Zhan got to deal with a very excited, but very polite A-Yuan asking very kindly if he could sit on his lap. (To which of course Lan Zhan just picked him up and placed him there. A-Yuan looked so delighted.)

I finally chanced a look at the rest of the group who quickly pretended they hadn’t been giggling at us and staring the entire time.

They shuffled around, talking about if we wanted to do games or presents first. 

Presents???? PRESEN-- NO ONE HAD TOLD ME THERE WERE FUCKING PRESENTS. I HADN’T GOTTEN ANYONE ANYTHING!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

So I start whispering frantically to Lan Zhan asking him if he knew about it and trying very valiantly not to swear since WE HAD LAPS FULL OF CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS FOR THEM TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAT UNCLE XIAN TAUGHT THEM THE WORD FUCK. ugh.

Lan Zhan apparently knew about it the entire time. 

I couldn’t get into it too much because kids. But uuuuuuuuuugh. 

WELL everyone decided that we’d do presents later so that it was easier to keep track of everything

Of course that means more time for me to freak out. Because what else am I good at but freaking out?

Instead they brought out the games. I finally got a look around at the actual room when the children leaped off of my lap to go play some of the games that were being set up. A-Ling decided it was time to latch himself to his father since his mother was kicking Wen Qing’s ass at pool (well she would have been kicking her ass if she wasn’t 6 months pregnant. As such they were pretty evenly matched.) 

There was a section with toys and board games where DaGe and Lan Xichen started to set things up to see if they could entice the kids to play with them. A-Yuan was won over first which was enough to convince A-Ling to beg his dad to play with them over there.

Not that he had to beg much. Jin ZiXuan would do anything for that boy. Spoils him rotten. But in a loving way. 

So I saw the 5 of them sit down for…. Shoots and ladders? I think? DaGe looked at those kids with pure adoration. Same way he looks at Busu back at the bunny cafe. Guess he has a soft spot for small cute things. 

Can’t blame him. 

Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang were off in a corner by one of the large TV’s playing some game or another. I’m… what was it… Gang Beasts or something? I don’t know. You pick the other guy up and try to yeet him off the stage. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a bit older of a game now but Wen Ning really loves it. (Surprisingly enough for such a meek guy, he is RUTHLESS when it comes to chucking Gumby-lookin fuckers off a plane. Who knew?) Jiang Cheng took a turn but sucked at it so he stomped off to play with the kids instead.

Gamby and Aunty Yi were off that way too watching a movie on another screen with MianMian and Qin Su watching something else on yet another TV. (seriously how many screens???) And Uncle Four was kinda staring between that, the game, and the yule log TV, nursing a bottle of his famous fruit wine. Brews it himself and it will FUCK you up.  

I… okay so… I’m slow. But like I noticed finally that the Yule log-- You know that station that just plays christmas music and is just a fire? Like they… Okay it was mute. So it was just the fire. And they put it in front of the actual fire place. That would normally have been lit. 

They.. it was for me. I could tell. Because Nie Huaisang glanced at me then and the look… You don’t get to see him looking soft too often. But.. Thank you Nie Huaisang. For that. For protecting me. 

They put in a fake fire so that I could feel comfortable. 

I turned to Lan Zhan then to ask him what he wanted to do only to find him… he was just watching me. He was so close… 

I freaked a little and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Any game. Just any game at all. Please just pick a damn game omg a;dlkfja;sdkj he was so close. 

We ended up… somehow playing darts? Sort of. 

He’d never played darts so I ended up having to talk him through it. Then promptly kicked his ass because my aim is perfect and he was lucky to hit the damn board. 

I helped him get better though because he’s really a very good student. And uh… well.. Um… He … 

OKAY THE CLICHE IS REAL AND I HELD HIS HAND AND STOOD BEHIND HIM TO CORRECT HIS FORM OKAY AND IT IS CHEESY AND STUPID AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT OKAY. 

I KNOW. A;LSKDFJ;DJ

But it did actually help. By the end of it he was doing pretty good I’d say!

Eventually he switched out with Lan Xichen so that he could ‘show us how it’s done’  and that turned into quite the competition. Lan Xichen gave me a run for my money that’s for sure. 

Somehow everyone sorta ended up watching. To be fair we were moving pretty fast.

Liek AIM THROW THWP POINTS! 

At one point DaGe started suggesting different trick shots which made it harder. Didn’t last long after that because we decided it was better to not put a bunch of little holes all over the wall because Lan arm strength is apparently genetic and INSANE soooo that ended that. 

After that, since we’d all gathered again anyway, apparently it was time for presents. Which I had actually forgotten about. 

I pulled Lan Zhan aside as everyone else started setting up to ask him about it and why I hadn’t heard about this??? I didn’t HAVE presents for anyone! Like fuck!

He told me that he’d put my name on the presents he’d given anyway. Like there was a ‘draw from a hat’ business secret santa kind of thing? And I was not included. 

I’m… I’m really a bit… I don’t know… 

They… Like I know I’d been through a lot lately and… well I guess I haven’t been in the best state for a couple of months by then… but they could have asked me.. I mean I’m not THAT poor all things considered. I don’t have an apartment and I had to buy a lot of new stuff, yeah but Lan Zhan isn’t charging me rent and actually bought a lot of it for me whether I wanted him to or not. So Like… I could have afforded a present. 

It’s that… that pity feeling that I talked about before. I felt like I was being pitied. And I hate it. 

Lan Zhan told me it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t pity to help take care of someone who is going through shit. It’s caring. 

And I guess… but still…

He touched my cheek then, cupped it with his hand. 

“I do not pity you. I worry. And I care. But that’s not pity,” he said. “We want to take care of you sometimes. Please let us?”

Of course what can I say to that? Nothing. Gah. For a man who doesn’t speak much he sure knows how to talk me into a corner. 

I was still trying to formulate a response when I started to notice there was a lot of… snickering going on. 

I looked around and everyone quickly looked away, pretending they weren’t laughing. But I could see them all hiding grins. I looked at Lan Zhan who looked about as confused as I was and the snickering started again. 

“Well what are you waiting for?”

SangSang…. I should murder you. I should just… Chop you up into tiny pieces and chuck you in a river. 

Either that or throw a damn party for you.

I looked over at him and he was pointing up. So we looked up and…. 

……………………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Fuck you Nie Huaisang!

THERE WAS MISTLETOE ABOVE US BECAUSE CLEARLY WE WERE IN NEED OF MORE CLICHES IN MY SAPPY LOVE (OR LACK THERE OF????? MAYBE?? MAYBE NOTA.LDKFSJAL;SDKFJ ) LIFE. 

I… Okay my memory is shit, so like… but I don’t remember there being anything there before. Like… I feel like I would have noticed??? I… well…

Well it is what it is.

Lan Zhan. And I. Were stuck under the mistletoe. Together. With EVERYONE watching us and snickering away. Like a damn faulty sprinkler system. CHE CHE CHE CHE CHE. 

All of them. They will all pay. Revenge will come on swift wings when they least expect it!

You know what? Fuck it. I’m  gonna set up DaGe and Lan Xichen purely out of spite. 

But back to the problem at hand. I couldn’t avoid looking back at Lan Zhan forever. He looked about as red as I felt. 

“Mistletoe….” I said intelligently. 

“Mn…” was his very articulate response.

“You… we don’t have to….” I said.  But he cut me off with a kiss. 

A real kiss. Not a cheek kiss. Or a forehead kiss. A real proper kiss. Right on the lips.

Short but oh so sweet. 

He kissed me.

HE. KISSED. ME. 

;akdfj;alskdjl;sadjf;kaja;eioj;OJAD;LKFJA;SLDKFJ;Kjfda;kj;lkj

Okay. So it was just a peck. The kind you would give to a close friend in this situation. (Okay don’t yell at me I know. Like let me explain.)

My point is. I didn’t want to… read more into it than there was to read. Okay? But it… 

Okay this is hard to explain. 

I’m not THAT stupid. I know that you don’t always just kiss your friends. Some people do but not everyone. And Lan Zhan is NOT the type to just kiss a friend. 

But there was the complication with the kiss after the fire and the tension before of the what are we??? Like I’ve known for a while- I think I mentioned it before-- I think we hit a level past… past just friends. And I wanted to believe it was romantic on both sides but I wasn’t sure. And I was scared. And I didn’t want to risk what I have just because I’m greedy. Like what we had.. It is enough even if I WANT more. 

And then he kissed me under that mistletoe..

I’d kinda squashed my hope of more after the kiss. After he agreed it meant nothing. It hurt so bad that the only way I could really process it was to just repress it. (which I’m TRYING not to do but I had a lot going on. And I had to process the rest of it first). So it just kinda turned into… I don’t know… I’d lost that hope. That thought that maybe he could grow to love me. I took that hope and I shoved it behind an iron door and threw the key away into a hedge maze guarded by evil goblins. (Not cute goblins like me. Evil ones. Pointy and mean.) 

But… then he kissed me under that mistletoe… and… I don’t know… did he fight off the goblins and find it in that hedge maze? Or did he just forge a new key altogether? 

But he unlocked that door. And opened it even if just a crack. And he let out a sliver of hope again. A tiny sliver of real hope that rests in my heart even now. Growing. 

We stared at each other until we were interrupted by everyone’s whooping and cheers. “Alright alright yeah yeah.” I chided and ushered them away. 

At least A-Yuan and A-Ling were busy making grossed out faces instead of cheering. Good boys. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like kisses?” I asked them. And then I launched myself at them making the most obnoxious kissy face I could manage. Chased them around the room while everyone else settled in for presents. Caught them after a few moments and covered them in kisses. A-Yuan laughed and A-Ling pretended he was trying to get away, but I know he liked it. 

Hah.

I kissed them all the way back to the couch where I sat next to Lan Zhan (who I couldn’t look at anymore). I plopped A-Yuan in his lap and just held on to A-Ling who was scrubbing his face clean of my kisses. Quite dramatically I might add. Offensive. (he got like 5 more kisses because of it.

I told him that if he kept scrubbing off my kisses I’d just have to keep replacing them. “Just ask Uncle Cheng.”

“It’s true, buddy.”

“See? It’s true!”)

“Alright! Is everyone ready?” Shijie asked once A-Ling finally submitted to his punishment kisses.  The two kids sat up so fast they almost clocked both me and Lan Zhan clean on the chin. But fortunately we are both ninjas and managed to avoid braining the children. 

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” they chanted. (Well A-Ling chanted and then nudged A-Yuan until he joined in). 

It started off harmless enough. They started bringing stuff over to me and Lan Zhan which makes sense. Let the kids go first, right? And they’d clearly need more than everyone else. 

Except… They weren’t all for the kids. And they kept bringing them over. Until there was a pile of every single present gathered beside me and at my feet. 

The kids each got a couple but the rest of them. They were small but they were all clearly labeled. 

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.”

Every one of them. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan to decide if I needed to yell at him some more but he looked just as flabbergasted as I did. So clearly he wasn’t in on it. 

Everyone else…. Lan Zhan was right. It wasn’t pity in their eyes. The way they were looking at me. It was love. 

I let the kids open their gifts first so I had a moment to collect myself. They tore the paper like wild animals and squealed in delight at each new toy. 

A-Yuan’s favorite was the little toy butterfly that Lan Zhan got him (with my name on the gift to give me credit I didn’t deserve). He hugged us both, and then went off to play with A-Ling with the blasters they both got.  

I did relish the look of pain on Jin ZiXuan’s face as he realized he was going to listen to those blasting noises and beeps and whistles for the next 2 months until A-Ling finally got bored. Very satisfying. 

But the… Well I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I had to open my own gifts. 

“Start with this one, please,” Gamby said, holding out the largest of the pile. 

I… when I opened it…

Would you blame me if I cried?

The.. the photo album that I’d gotten for my birthday. It burned in the fire. And… I didn’t… I didn’t want to admit it but it crushed me. Of all the possessions I lost… that one… 

But they replaced it! They got me a new book. All the photos were there. Not the originals, but they’d made copies of every photo they’d taken because they still wanted their own copies of them too. (Apparently the originals had all gone into my book which is still a shame. But the image is more important than the paper.)

Every single gift was related to that book. Gamby and Aunty Yi gave me the new book. All the photos from the original were there. But then every single gift from the others were new pages with new photos. Ones that hadn’t been included before and then lots from my birthday. Pictures of everyone and of me and just… The last page was a large copy of the picture we’d all taken at the photo booth. It filled the whole page. 

And then letters. From everyone. Letters of love. Stories and memories. To me. Even Jin ZiXuan wrote a letter. Admittedly short but still there. (He mentioned in the letter that he wasn’t sure he needed to write me one of his own since technically he’s the one who did the writing for A-Ling’s letter but figured it would annoy me so fuck it.)

That dick. Do I have to like him now? Uuugh I don’t want to like him. :(

I had to give the book to Lan Zhan so that I wouldn’t cry on it. 

Shijie came and hugged me, letting me cry without judgement like she always does. And then I felt Lan Zhan’s arms join hers. And then I was drowning in arms. 

I’m…. I’m not used to being the focus like this. Not in this way. It’s different when I’m the one drawing attention to myself. But when it’s just… everyone. Everyone I love just freely giving me their love back just… 

I don’t really know how to handle it. 

But… at the same time… 

I’ve never felt so loved. So wanted. And Lan Zhan really is right. It’s not pity. It really really isn’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever… Ever really let myself experience it that way. 

Eventually I told them through my stuffed nose that that was enough and that I still needed to breathe please. They all laughed and let me go finally. I didn’t really want them too, but I do also like my friend oxygen. 

They all gave me one last squeeze or pat and went off to do their own thing again. Playing games and watching things. 

Letting me gather myself back together again. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan and told him I’d be back in a minute. I got up to just… I don’t know… take a walk. It was… it wasn’t too much but nearly. But not in an unwelcome way. It was pushing my boundaries, but they were boundaries that needed to be pushed. 

I know I deserve love. It’s hard to remember it a lot of the time though and sometimes you have to force feed it to me. And… And it’s good.  Great even. 

But a bit overwhelming. 

I walked through the house idly for a bit. Probably going where guests weren’t supposed to go but whatever. 

I must have been gone longer than I thought though because eventually Lan Zhan came to find me. To check on me and make sure I was okay. 

“Was it too much?” he asked. I shook my head and said yes at the same time which made him laugh a little. 

I shuffled over to him and put my forehead against his chest with a soft sigh. 

“It’s not too much,” I said as he obligingly slid his arms around me. “It’s just…. Too much… you know?”

He hummed in understanding and miraculously I think he did understand. Because let’s be real, that was nonsense. 

Then he pulled away and took my hand (very gently because they were still raw). 

“Follow me,” he said in that rich honey voice of his. (Yes Lan Zhan. I will follow you. I will follow you anywhere. Into the very gates of hell.) 

Can you blame me if I laced our hands together? He let me anyway. And didn’t pull away so nyah. 

I had no idea where he was taking me but.. Well I’ve said it before that I trust him implicitly. With everything. With my very soul. 

Turns out. Nie Huaisang. Has an in home movie theater. Like. A legit movie theater. With those comfy squishy seats and the giant projector and like….

HUAISANG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ME INTO THIS ROOM? APPARENTLY YOU’VE TAKEN LAN ZHAN BECAUSE HE KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING WAS AND SET UP THE PROJECTOR AND POPPED IN A MOVIE AND LIKE FUCK YOU HUAISANG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. ;3;

Lan Zhan had me sit down while he set everything up, then pulled up the arm rest between us and sat down before just… pulling me to lean against him. 

I mean I wasn’t gonna complain. *v*

So we watched a movie together. Honestly… Honestly I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. His arm was around me, tracing patterns into my shoulder. And he let me hold his hand again. I remember running my thumb up and down the back of his. And the smell of him. And the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of his breath slowly shifting me up and down. 

About half way through the movie he shifted though, making me sit up. I looked at him to pout, but stopped because he was very decidedly NOT looking at me. 

“I have… something for you…” he said softly. Before I could tell him he, of all people, didn't need to get me anything, especially after all he’s already given me, he pulled a small box out of his pocket. 

“I didn’t want to give it to you… in front of everyone.”  -after the mistletoe incident- was left unsaid. 

I took the box. Trying to let myself accept things. Let myself be loved. 

It was just a small blue box with a white cloud-patterned ribbon (that I still have shh. It was cute). I pulled the ribbon and opened the lid of the little blue box to find…

Okay it was small and simple but this.. Perfect earring. It’s just a red stone dangling on a black chain. Small. Simple. Perfect. 

I stared at it long enough that I probably made him nervous. Trying to get myself to just say thank you. To just accept it. 

Eventually I managed. “... help me put it in?”

My hands were still a bit stiff and fumbly (which sucked because I haven’t been able to paint much lately because of it). But even so it was an excuse for him to touch me more. To feel his hands brushing my neck and jaw. For him to be closer to me. 

He obliged me and put it in. I.. Maybe it was just because it was dark, but that sliver of rekindled hope in me really wants to believe that he took his time with it. That he wanted that excuse to touch me too. 

Hope is dangerous but…. I can’t help it. I’m hoping. 

“Merry Christmas, Wei Ying,” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back. 

“Merry Christmas, Lan Zhan.”

Something… in that moment. I was going to kiss him. There just was no other option. The moment. The hope. The memory. The feel of his skin. It all culminated into one truth. 

I was going to kiss him. 

Except.

I WAS COCKBLOCKED BY ADORABLE TODDLERS WHO I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT BECAUSE THEY’RE ADORABLE. 

Apparently when we didn’t come back the kids decided that we got lost. And they snuck out to find us. They were so excited to rescue us that it took them a minute to realize we were in a giant movie room. After that they were about as excited as I was. (What does that say about me? Am I just a giant child?.... Hey wait a minute the only ones who got any gifts were me and the kids. I AM A GIANT CHILD. Fuck . T_T)

Once they got over their initial hyper excitement about the theater, we coaxed them into watching the movie with us. Lan Zhan clicked some magic remote or something and it changed to a more kid-friendly movie. (I don’t understand technology. I never will.)

I texted Shijie that the kids were safe with us in the movie room so she wouldn’t worry and let A-Ling settle onto my lap. 

Gotta say. I don’t bet to be his favorite very often. It’s really nice when he’s in an Uncle Xian mood. <3

A-Yuan took his place back on Lan Zhan’s lap. He was much more confident now, just glancing at Lan Zhan to make sure it was okay before he sat on him. 

And… Okay I can’t even be mad that they ruined my attempt to kiss Lan Zan because this image. This painfully beautiful domestic scene…. 

I’ve never wanted kids so badly in my life. Kids. With Lan Zhan. Just… I wanted this. So badly. 

I still do. So much I’m almost shaking with it right now. 

I want… I want to be a father. With Lan Zhan. I want that for the rest of my life. 

And… I knew I loved him. I knew I want to be with him. But this hit differently. This… this was an absolute forever. This was.. This was more than wanting to date Lan Zhan or live with him or… you know… stuff. This was… I want his life to be entangled with mine. To the point that the life is ours. Not his and mine. Ours. 

I want that so badly. 

Maybe that’s selfish. But it’s what I want. 

Time slipped by while I had this little life-changing revelation and before I knew it I was covered in drool.  Jin Ling had fallen asleep. And A-Yuan wasn’t far behind him on Lan Zhan’s lap. I caught Lan Zhan’s eye and we smiled.

I wonder… if he was thinking the same things I was. Is that something he’d want? With me? 

Maybe, that little flame of hope dares to admit. Maybe. 

It could be possible.

After a while Shijie and Wen Ning popped their heads into the room to collect the children. Jin Ling transferred over to his mother like a sack of potatoes but A-Yuan was just not having it. 

“Nooooo” he whined, still half asleep and clinging desperately to Lan Zhan. “I wanna stay with Bunny-Gege and Xian-gege. D:”

He made that face too. D: Like you could feel it in your soul that D:. 

And we were powerless. 

“Would you like to spend the night with us if Granny says it’s okay?” Lan Zhan asked.  Oh that sleepy little nod was enough to melt even Madam Yu’s heart I’d bet. 

Wen Ning laughed softly and told us he’d check with her to see if she minded. After a few minutes I got a text saying “he’s all yours.”

And that’s how we temporarily adopted Wen Yuan. 

DaGe offered to drive us home since we’d walked here and it was a bit too cold for a sleeping 7 year old. We thanked him and let him drive us in the tank he has the nerve to call a truck. How many miles to the gallon must that thing get? 2? Ah well. Put A-Yuan promptly back to sleep anyway so I guess whatever works. We thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and all that jazz and went inside together. We didn’t have anything to really put A-Yuan in so I donated one of my new t-shirts for him to wear as… a nightgown I guess? Whatever it was more comfortable and he didn’t complain. 

And then I stole one of Lan Zhan’s shirts to wear so we’d match. Hah. 

We all ended up sharing a bed together after Lan Zhan fished out a spare toothbrush for him to brush his teeth with. 

A-Yuan in the middle and Lan Zhan’s long arms around the both of us. 

I don't think I’ve ever slept better.

#wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #fic #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic prompt: lxc pretends to be lwj. For a day? To fool... somebody? For fun?

…just run away.

Lan Xichen was not often given to bad moods. On the contrary, he had always been praised for having a sunny outlook and a pleasant demeanor, and it had become something he prided himself on. He preferred to greet people with a smile; even when he was insulted, he preferred to let it roll off his back, knowing it would never harm him. It was very hard for mere words to affect him – to get under his skin.

Unfortunately, irritating words appeared to be the one area in which Nie Huaisang excelled.

Nie Huaisang had come to Gusu for help with a problem at the most inconvenient moment, sobbing his heart as he always did, and Lan Xichen had had to send a letter to Jin Guangyao explaining that he would likely be unable to make their appointment as a result. It had been especially annoying because he’d hoped to use the opportunity to give Jin Guangyao a book for his birthday, which Lan Xichen would be forced to miss the date this year due to certain responsibilities at his sect; he’d mentioned in his letter that he would ask Lan Wangji, now more than a year out of his ‘seclusion’, to bring the book instead.

He hadn’t expected Lan Wangji to refuse outright to even consider going to Lanling.

Still, none of that was enough to seriously bring him down, and his mood cheered up even more when he realized that Nie Huaisang’s problem, which had been held out as the sort of sobbing, gasping, threatening to die type of problem, was in fact easily solved. That in turn meant that, if he hurried, he would likely be able to make to his appointment with Jin Guangyao – a few shichen late, yes, but it was better than not going at all.

He’d just been finishing up tea with Nie Huaisang, thinking happily about what a surprise his unexpected appearance would be for his sworn brother, when Nie Huaisang had said –

That.

Lan Xichen didn’t even remember how the conversation had gotten to that point, only that Nie Huaisang had been laughing, face bright and happy, when he’d said it.

“I wish I was more like er-ge, not concerned of what other people think; I take you as my role model! It would be so much nicer to think that whenever I encountered any serious problems, I would just run away!”

Just run away.

The words were like a thorn under his skin.

“What makes you say that?” he’d asked, fighting and failing to maintain his smile, not that Nie Huaisang noticed.

“Well, isn’t that what you always do?” Nie Huaisang asked, his eyes wide and innocent; he was still a child, even after years of sitting in the sect master’s seat. “You ran away after the Cloud Recesses to save the books, you ran from one place to another during the war, you ran away when da-ge died –”

Nie Huaisang had been sitting in Nie Mingjue’s favorite place, wearing clothing that looked just like Nie Mingjue’s, drinking from the tea cup that Nie Mingjue had liked, and he’d said that.

Lan Xichen had gone to get help, to find medicine, to do something. He hadn’t run away.

It wasn’t – it wasn’t running, during the war. He’d been a courier, taking news from one place to another; the Lan sect had been rallied to war very effectively by Lan Wangji, and he hadn’t wanted to step on his brother’s glory. It had been useful, necessary…

He had run away when the Cloud Recesses burned, though. He hadn’t wanted to, but his uncle had begged him to prioritize the saving of their sect’s most fundamental treasures.

Maybe that’s why it bothered him so much.

Nie Huaisang had moved on shortly thereafter, nattering about his birds; he hadn’t even noticed how effectively his words had stabbed Lan Xichen – but that was Nie Huaisang in a nutshell, wasn’t it?

Lan Xichen had taken his leave shortly thereafter and headed to Lanling, but it was still bothering him.

He kept going back to it, turning it over and over again in his mind, indignation warring with guilt; as a result, he wasn’t smiling the way he typically did when he landed at the entrance to Koi Tower.

It was also why he didn’t notice at first that people had started calling out “Lan-er-gongzi” to him instead of addressing him as Sect Leader Lan or Zewu-jun, just absent-mindedly nodding at them as he swept past the gateway and headed inside on paths he knew well.

He was already halfway to his destination when he realized – they thought he was Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji, who’d already developed a reputation for having, and this was a direct quote Lan Xichen had overheard, “a bitter facial expression that made him look as though his wife had passed away.”

(Lan Xichen hadn’t liked hearing that. It was all the worse because it was true.)

It wasn’t actually funny – Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji looked alike, yes, but not that much – but at this point Lan Xichen was so desperate to think of something other than Nie Huaisang’s irritating words (just run away) that he seized on it at once, deliberately arranging his face in something a little like Lan Wangji’s cold-faced glare.

It was childish of him, of course. But wouldn’t it be even more of a surprise for Jin Guangyao, to come in with a resigned polite expression (he’d never understood why Lan Wangji so disliked him) and then to find the person he’d actually hoped to see? It would make him smile, and Lan Xichen could give him the book in person and apologize yet again for missing his birthday…

Yes, it would be perfect. Jin Guangyao’s joy would be the ideal balm for Lan Xichen’s unexpectedly hurt feelings.

Lan Xichen felt positively mischievous, even a little wicked. He hadn’t played a prank on anyone in years, certainly before the war started –

(Just run away.)

He wasn’t going to think about that.

Lan Xichen made it to the Fragrant Palace – it had been years now that it belonged to Jin Guangyao, since he had taken the place of sect leader, and yet it still seemed as though it were his ‘new’ quarters – and nodded to one of the door guards, announcing, “I will wait for Lianfeng-zun inside,” in a way he would never have done if he weren’t pretending to be Lan Wangji.

Of course, once inside, he found himself with a dilemma: the Fragrant Palace was a classic building, full of servants and Jin sect cultivators, any one of which could catch Lan Xichen in an unguarded moment and ruin the whole surprise. If only there was a better place to hide…

The bronze mirror in the corner caught Lan Xichen’s eye and he pressed his lips together to hide his amusement. He couldn’t do that.

Hiding in another sect leader’s treasure room would be offensive, after all, a trespass – though Jin Guangyao was always saying that Lan Xichen was welcome anywhere he was. And he could do it; after all, it had been he himself who had taught Jin Guangyao the trick of how to enter…no, he shouldn’t.

A high-pitched voice travelled through the hallway, and Lan Xichen abruptly remember that Jin Guangyao wasn’t the only person with free access to the Fragrant Palace – his wife, Qin Su, was equally the mistress here, and worst of all it seemed like she was heading straight towards the room he was in.

(It wasn’t that Lan Xichen didn’t like Qin Su – it was that she didn’t like him, her smile fading a little every time she saw him. He couldn’t hold it against her: it had been to Lan Xichen that Jin Guangyao had turned for comfort after the death of their child, not his wife, and Lan Xichen had indulged his sworn brother in his grief when he should have reminded him not to leave his wife to grieve alone. Lan Xichen was a painful reminder of that painful time, now, and he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to see him.)

Jin Guangyao would understand and forgive a small trespass, Lan Xichen decided. It would be easier to explain a little thing like that than to have deal with the fallout of making Qin Su cry again.

The mirror worked the way it always did, and he stepped through –

There was a blank period in Lan Xichen’s memories after that.

It was as if his brain had simply stopped working, refusing to accept the evidence his eyes were presenting him with. The sight filling his eyes, the smell filling his nose even through the scented incense that filled the treasure room, the feeling in his fingers as he lifted them to touch the cheek he remembered so well –

By the time the haze that had fallen upon him had lifted, Lan Xichen was far away from Lanling.

He wasn’t sure where he was – he vaguely recalled, as if remembering the actions of another person, that he had staggered out of the treasure room and gone to the window, leaping onto Shuoyue and flying straight out of Lanling in violation of all prohibitions on using a sword within city limits.

He hadn’t had a direction to his chaotic flight, he’d only been desperate to –

To run away.

I’ll do what er-ge does, and just run away – isn’t that what you always do?

He was still clutching Nie Mingjue’s head in his arms.

His da-ge, his friend – he should have been buried safely in Qinghe. Under Nie Huaisang’s lax supervision, yes, but still, he should be there. Not – not in pieces.

Not in Lanling, like some sort of sick trophy.

Trophy.

A-Yao, his A-Yao, he’d – was it just grave-robbing? Some sort of perverse triumph over Nie Mingjue, who had only ever wanted the best for him even if he were not very good at showing it? After all, Nie Mingjue had died of a qi deviation, in public, there could be no question…

He’d died in Lanling.

He’d been speaking to Jin Guangyao before he died, and his final rage had been aimed at him, and –

And Jin Guangyao liked to keep trophies.

Lan Xichen had always known this, of course, but it had been little things: wanting to pin up a flag from a battle he’d helped win, keeping letters of old correspondences, things like that. Not – not like this.

Lan Xichen’s mind was rebelling against him.

His A-Yao – Nie Mingjue was his sworn brother. He couldn’t have –

He could.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know all the things Jin Guangyao had done, after all. It was only that he’d always believed that there was a reason behind them, some justification that made sense.

Just run away. Isn’t that what you always do?

Nie Huaisang’s innocent words had been right. Lan Xichen ran away: from the facts, from the truth. He blinded himself because he didn’t want to believe it.

He couldn’t run away this time.

Nie Mingjue’s head is in his arms, but Lan XIchen can feel the pulse of resentful energy already – his sworn brother had died a violent death, betrayed by someone he should have been able to trust; there was no soul-calming ritual in the world that would keep him from becoming a fierce ghost. The head was already straining in his arms, as if seeking to fly off, seeking –

The other pieces.

Nie Mingjue’s soul was still there, divided into pieces and bound; Lan Xichen recognized the horrific array that had been painted on him. It was vile, ghastly, an abomination.

It called for an answer.

No, there would be no running away this time.

At least Jin Guangyao would have no choice but to confront Lan Xichen this time, now that he knew that Lan Xichen knew –

Lan Xichen’s entire body gave a sudden start, and a chill filled his heart.

He didn’t know.

Jin Guangyao – Lan Xichen had been pretending to be Lan Wangji, hadn’t he? He’d hidden Shuoyue’s hilt, he’d mimicked his brother’s expression, he’d wanted to give Jin Guangyao a surprise…

Jin Guangyao, who Lan Wangji had never liked and who had never especially liked Lan Wangji in turn, would have no reason to think Lan Xichen knew.

He would think Lan Wangji knew.

And after all, they had comforted each other over the death of one brother – why not another?

Lan Xichen had put Lan Wangji into terrible danger.

He had to find his brother.

He had to find him right now.

#mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #nie huaisang #my fic #my fics #Anonymous

[hamliet]

Do you think jgy killing his son was justifiable? I mean I get it's terrible but his motivations were to save his and qin su's reputation

No, not remotely. I was just in a debate about something similar on Twitter (Nie HuaiSang’s actions) lol, so I’ll say the same thing: yes, I understand why he did it, because the world was truly terrible. I empathize. But it can’t be excused.

I find the argument that killing A-Song was fine because A-Song might have been mentally challenged (though… the odds aren’t as bad as Sect Leader Yao said they were, so he very well could have been just fine) repugnant not just on a story level, but a moral level. (Not that you’re making the argument, but other people have.) Intellectually disabled people are wonderful. They are fully human, same as you or me. Of all Jin GuangYao’s crimes, this is the one that hurts the most and that I hate the most.

That said, when I said I could understand it even if it sickens me, it’s because if I imagine myself in Jin GuangYao’s shoes, I remember what AnXin said everyone was saying about Meng Shi: that having her son (Jin GuangYao) ruined her life, that she was foolish to do so, that it was what led to her downfall. Can you imagine growing up hearing this, and your mom then gets sick because of the work she’s stuck in due to having you when you’re ten, and then during your teenage years your mom dies? Jin GuangYao had a lot of self-hatred, and I don’t doubt he viewed A-Song through this lens. He loved his mother and he was quite possibly afraid of becoming her. But he should have. If he told Qin Su–who clearly didn’t let that affect her view of A-Song–he might have just found an ally and a better path. Understanding doesn’t mean he was even slightly justified: he wasn’t.

Also, one more thing as I finish my reread: the novel never clearly answers what happened to A-Song. Jin GuangYao denies killing him to A-Su, though he doesn’t deny all responsibility. He lists A-Song in the list of people he killed–even though we know he didn’t kill everyone on that list directly, but their deaths can in theory be traced back to his actions (Xue Yang). The two people who say A-Song died at Jin GuangYao’s own hands are Sect Leader Yao, who… is not a reliable source of information (the opposite), and Lan XiChen when he’s asking Jin GuangYao why he did certain things:

Lan XiChen, “Then… Then even though you married Qin Su with no choice, you could have treated her coldly. Why did you… And why did you have to kill your own son with your own hands, after A-Song was born?!”

But Lan XiChen also didn’t have all the information here (in fact, someone, anyone, please explain to me how Lan XiChen even knew about A-Song and Qin Su being Jin GuangYao’s sister, because he wasn’t there when it was revealed at Lotus Pier and the implication is that he and Jin GuangYao hadn’t talked about it...).

All that to say I think Jin GuangYao is absolutely responsible for it, but as for the specifics, it’s entirely possible he deliberately endangered A-Song and knew the rival sect would bite at the opportunity. It seems to be pretty in line with how Jin GuangYao works: manipulating. Whether or not he did it himself though doesn’t make it remotely better. This is just my curiosity wondering.

#ask hamliet #mdzs #jin guangyao #a-song #jin rusong #jrs deserved the world and to live happily forever #the end #Anonymous