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huenjin · 3 years

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2020 year end greetings.

disclaimer: this is going to be very long ( ˶ ❛ ꁞ ❛ ˶ ), but that's how much gratitude i have and so much more of love.

2020. ah, this year was a very emotional journey for me and how i wish i could sing jessi's gucci all throughout. however, that was not the case. tumblr helped me run away from all those irl miseries. these people made me feel at home.

this skz writing blog has been existing from the last few days of september and it came to life when i was losing motivation to write on my main (which i closed down because stray kids made me like writing back again) and it's stayed since then. you guys have stayed since then. grateful, a one hundred times and more.

so, this is rue, getting sappy and so much more thankful for everything i have and recieved with this blog. this is rue, asking you to accompany me for a little more and to listen to the stories i have to share. the is rue with heart full of nothing but love for each one of you.

to each one of my mutuals, for whom i pray to the stars to shower you with nothing but fortune —

@sinisterlyhan ♡ eiko, best thing i ever did was hit you up. how are you always so calm? or at least that's the tone i have in my head when i read your texts. it's so pleasant to talk to you. ily. and let me get started on your writing — you've heard this from me like every day but ma'am, you make magic. you lace stars together to form such a beautiful constellation of a writing and i fall in love a little more. thank you for inspiring me to always do better!

the hyunsung demon!au (whew!) — 01. 02. 03.

this hyunjin bad boy!au

@mochinnie ♡ isa, how i wish you handled yourself with a little more care. you're so fragile and delicate and i just want to protect you ?? so much ??? you're precious and one of the most beautiful people i have met. your characterisation is just perfect and god, i wish i could once write headcanons like you do. thank you for being my friend and for fangirling to me and for loving me. it means the world. psst, ily.

this seungmin fic

querencia | hh

@sparklemin ♡ nara!!!! big brain nara! god i love how your asks make my whole day and how you bring up different minho agendas in my head. you have my whole heart and i'm in love with you bye

girlfriend | bcn

hidden confession | bcn

@bearseungmin ♡ dawnie babie thank you for being such an enthusiast all the time while talking. you're so cheerful and happy and thank you for being this nice <33

beat it to the door | bcn

could listen to you read the dictionary | lfl

@chogiout ♡ yah, kira! sometimes i want to whack the back of your head like i whack my sister's, okay? it's the same kinda sibling love with you. fuck, not ever going to let you leave me. after all, my parents taught me to take responsibility of the stuff i rid innocence of. (lmao, sorry, bitch ily!!)

memoir | jyh

this youth of craziness | csn

@mikoto-ica-fics ♡ mi, bb! thank you for being so supportive. istg, if it weren't for you reblogging that one fic of mine, my fics would have never seen light to this day. it's easy to get lost in the tags hehe. and then i happen to text you and omg, aren't you the nicest ever? i love your story ideas, the way you write, the way you interact with people and thank you for talking to me. you make me want to be better.

entangled | lmh, hjs

power grab | hjs

@toffee-hwa ♡ ana! anaaaa~ you're so enthusiastic and supportive and fuck, i looooove ranting and fangirling to you! and the minute i know you're watching the same kdrama as i am, i just go like wheeeeeee— HAN SEOJUN!!! lmao, but thank you so much for talking to me, for listening and for caring! my romanian queen, you pretty human, you're the best!

yet, pt.i

yet, pt.ii

@chandisiacs ♡ yah, pav! must i drag you back to tumblr from twt? must i? i miss you. i really do and i can't wait to have your arse back here. thank you for being such a lively person to talk and hang out with, eee! and not at how you succeeded nano! inspirational! thank you x

thread of all your legendary aus

starboy | bcn

@unsaidhj ♡ you're so soft. and god i love you? and your aesthetics. it's a thing, ma'am. i existed to see your aesthetics lmao. and then i text you and you're so kind omg. i could never hate you so please, ma'am, stop telling me that in panic? huihui, ily and i hope you stay healthy. place yourself first, bb.

knife under my pillow | hhj

scammer, scammed | bcn

@sleepylixie ♡ yo, neighbor! you reminded me how small the world can actual get! love love talking to you about irl stuff because you can understand how messed up it is! and you're so kind, ah!!

in umbra

passion's abyss | lmh

@dreamyhan ♡ one of the few people i see on my dash and go like — hazeeeeeeeeel! you're just so nice, god. like if cotton candy was a person, it would be you, alright? and then there's your writing ability that skyrocket off the roofs because it is that good. thank you for being so supportive and nice to me! x

next time | bcn

in his arms | hjs

@itsapapisongo ♡ boy, my main man, javi!! your work was once my most favorite thing to listen to. loved how the mall worked and everything. and then there's how supportive you are like omg. if only i could explain the courage you give me. it's infinite. you make me feel infinite. also, #hardhours, right?

george of the jungle

swimming fool

@kabira ♡ typing the url down was even more romantic, manx. don't ever change this. love how strong and bold you are. love your opinions and love your writings even more. you're one of those few people who write like they mean every word from their heartstrings. thank you for providing us with stories to tell for eons. x (psst, ily so much!)

backstreet driving | hhj (that's the first skz fic i read because it was from you and not because it was skz and aren't i glad?)

sic semper tyrannis | lty

@dalknow ♡ the only other person on tumblr that i text religiously on discord. i love talking to you, bb. love getting personal with you. love how i can share absolutely anything. thank you for trusting me. thank you for listening to me. thank you for loving me. can't wait for you to put your stories back up on this acc. you're undefeatable and i know you'll have that known.

to each one of my anons, for whom i pray that you stay safe and healthy and most importantly, happy —

🧸 :: put you on the anon list because in my head you are that anon — my very first one and the one that lit up my whole world. it's kind of a very proud moment when someone wants to talk to you. you made me feel that. you made feel loved. and to see how well your blog is doing now, god, i feel like a proud mother.

🐠 :: my greek princess. the fact that i learnt more about breads from you than from my school makes me laugh hehe. you really did light up my world with every ask you sent me and had me unknowingly hope that you are happy in every minute. and now that i know who you are, i'm even more content because you're a mutual too now!

🍧 :: god, you have a special place in my heart, ice cream anon! maybe because you liked me more than my fic and followed me here even though you were an anon from my bts blog. fuck, if that didn't make my heart flutter, nothing ever will! (hush, your relationship is something i am still rooting for!!)

🦊 |🌹| 🥀 | 🛸 :: the way you guys keep checks if i'm staying hydrated and healthy. i am. and even when i wasn't, your asks made me go drink a cup of water ha! thank you for loving me x

tiktok anon :: ♡♡♡♡♡♡ yes idk what else to say to you but that i would give you a piece of my heart. your tiktok asks make my whole day. it's something i look forward too! thank you for always making my day!

and to my other anons, tagged or untagged :: thank you for sending me an ask. every single one, either telling me to stay happy or hydrated, or that my fic was great or that you're feeling extra horny that day (we've all been there!) i appreciate it and thank you for making me smile! x

to all the mutuals that i admire, look upto and wish we talked waaaay more, let's do it soon please! and to some mutuals that i just miss talking to! —

@nightshade-minho (ily! x nicest bean ever!!) :: @satanssmuts :: @lovebini :: @seraplantery :: @xiaojunssmile :: @chan-skz :: @chanluster :: @decembermoonskz :: @bangtantaegi (queen!!) :: @yunhozone (i miss you!!) :: @inkigayeo :: @vocalyunho

i hope each one of you stay happy, content and loved. my memory is pea sized and so i do pray that i haven't forgotten any! thank you for being my mutuals, for sharing laughter and talks with me for these months i've been here! i’m sorry if i missed anyone, but i seriously do appreciate everyone that i’ve ever talked to on here though! i hope to see you all next year and let's be happy together !!

with much love, x rue!

#thank you 2020 #boost!#rue gets sappy yes!!#.txt

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kickingstonesandbones · 4 years

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ADA: Songs the BSD characters remind me of (even though no one asked)

I’ve recently watched all 3 seasons of the Anime, the movie and the OVA and have started reading the Manga from the beginning. Right now I am only at chapter 40 because I started reading like 2 days ago, so idk stuff that would happen after the Anime storyline (if it goes that much further than season 3 ending, I wouldn’t know). I based this off on either specific lyrics that made me think it would fit the character or a certain vibe I was getting from a character. For some characters it was easier, for some not so much lol It is why some characters have multiple songs that make me think of them while others only have one (if they even do have one, that is – but the ADA does, except for Katai). So please do not rip into me because you think a song might not fit them as well as I do, because I just have not gotten to the latest chapter of the Manga yet, so there are some characters I do not know that well yet but I wanted to do this for fun. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this list~ Also, feel free to add to my list if you have songs that I haven’t mentioned but think would fit the characters, if you want to~

My taste in music is also pretty broad and not limited to certain languages or genres (though I do have my preferences), so I will provide translations of the lyrics in different languages from English. The German ones (like Kontra K, Elif, etc.) were translated by myself (on the spot), for other languages like Romanian or Korean, etc. I had to look up translations on the internet.

Disclaimer: For the songs for Dazai, one might want to consider a TW, for one of his songs has extremely open-no-room-for-speculation suicidal lyrics. If this affects you, please skip that one, I will put that song last on his list.

And, well, because this is 12 pages long in the document, I will be making a cut here…

𝔸𝔻𝔸 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝

💙 Wölfe (Wolves) by Kontra K 💙

It’s about so much more than just strength, it’s about solidarity and virtue / It runs so much deeper than your wounds could ever get / We’re walking through the fire together until the day we die […] /

And we are so infinitely far away from being perfect / But what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger / And hope dies last / It dies last /

A lot of the members have been through quite some shit, but they hold it together all the time and always pull through and manage to keep moving forward sooo (some random arsehole I talked to spoilered me about Yosano and Mori -_-)

💙 Born For This by The Score 💙

A force that they can’t stop / They just don’t get it, I think they forget / I’m not done until I’m on top / I know I was born for this / I know I was born for this […] /

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain / We come from different places but have the same name / ‘Cause we were born for this / We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame / Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame /

ℕ𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

I can’t believe / That when I breathe / That there’s something good inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me / So close to me / That memory / Of that one good thing inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me /

If I went out the back door, nobody would stop me / But, where would I go? / ‘Cause I ain’t never had a real home / So, what do I know? / So, I could keep runnin’, hide until they find me / But, what would that do? /

That he really hates himself that much and how insecure he is in his right to be alive not just simply because he is a living being really hurts to see.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

Don’t know how to face it / Let’s go back to basics / Yes, say what you mean, do what you say, but man I hate this / I just don’t know what I’m chasing, don’t know what I’m chasing / Yes, somebody told me / Life is something you don’t wanna play with / But I just keep on playing like life is just a playground […] / I look at myself and I ask what the goal is / Yeah, tell me what your goal is / I’m just so lost in emotions, I don’t even notice / I just slip into a place and I don’t think straight / Devil in my ear tryna tell me everything’s great / And in a year realize I’m in the same place / Running in the same race, same pace […] /

Get that sickness out my mouth / I feel like my train is derailing / I can feel it / Yo these words are only words until they actions / Words until they actions, strive on empty satisfactions / Yeah, the fact is I don’t know, fact is I don’t know /

💙 월식 (My Tragedy) by Taeyeon 💙

At the end of an empty day / Everyone busily returns from somewhere / In the red night sky / I disappear into the darkness little by litte / These many sparkling lights / There isn’t a single light that’s mine / Under the cold shade by myself / Like it wasn’t there from the start /

💙 Oceans by Jacob Lee 💙

I learnt to let go when I was younger / Scared of growing old / I would swim far into the ocean / And try to stay afloat / Until my lungs would cough up water […] /

I don't want love no more / Though it's the one thing I've been searching for / Though it's the one thing that I miss the most / Now I'm afraid to be alone / I learnt to grow old when I was younger / Scared of staying young / Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured / That sat atop my tongue / Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion / If they would just, listen up / But they won't, now /

I feel worthless / Maybe I should open the drawer / Burn the pages / Write poems with the ash on the floor / Pour the ink, into the sink / And watch it drain from the shore /

𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 𝕆𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

I know Dazai has a looooot of songs, but tbh I could’ve added at least another 15 because. There. Were. Just. S O . M A N Y . T H A T F I T H I M S O W E L L ‼‼ (Well, at least the ones I could think of off of the top of my head right away.)

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

Don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man / Little do they know, every song is a lifespan / Yeah, they’ve taken one, but I’m takin’ my last chance / To hold all we know and let go with both hands / Though, don’t you know that plots are made from concrete / Right through the stone, can you hear my heart beat? / Beats through my bone, like no memory left me / Not for a second or a minute when I dream […] / My heart beats heavy in an open chest / And, I wanna say goodbye, but there’s nobody left /

I broke it all, and I put to the test / Put your hands in mine, and feel this emptiness / There’s no beat in my chest / ‘Cause there’s nothin’ left / No, it ain’t goodbye, its a last caress / What’s another dream? / You could hardly sleep /

Makes me think of Oda aka the bond they had aka the admiration Dazai had for him.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

I ain’t sleeping lately / I ain’t sleeping lately / Yes, I know that I’m the only person that can change me / Maybe, that’s why I ain’t changing / That’s why I ain’t changing / I got too much on my mind, I guess I don’t know how to face it /

He obviously has a lot of issues, and I bet he still doesn’t think of himself as a good person. It strikes me as if he’s thinking that Agency Dazai is not much different from Mafia Dazai. “Your hands are black. Mafia black,” as Higuchi said. I think he did not deny it when she said that, so he doesn’t disagree with her.

💙 Rain by Hollywood Undead 💙

I don’t mind, no I don’t mind, I don’t mind the rain / Simple things and subtleties, they always stay the same / I don’t mind, that I don’t mind, no I don’t mind the rain / Like a widow’s heart, we fall apart, but never fade away (fade away) /

Run like a child, do you know where I came from? / No, I don’t, but I’m singing all the same songs / I’m alone, and you’re looking for your anyone / Does it hurt just to know that it’s all gone? / I can feel the pain in the words that you say / Hidden in the letters that were written to no name […] / Buried in red, white, and a side of some blue / Some will die too late, and somebody too soon / If he could come back, we’ll see what it cost him / We had to lose it all, just to know that we lost one /

💙 Lass mich lieber allein (better just leave me alone) by Kontra K 💙

Man, don’t explain the world to me, it isn’t perfect / And just as imperfect are also you, her and me / All of that isn’t a problem to me / But tell me, since when does hatred laugh so audaciously into my face? / But it’s somehow alright for me […] / Man, I wish for a minuscule part of naivety back / But it seems it’s somehow too late for me / Somehow already too late for me […] /

Already been wandering for so long, you forget / Who is worthy of sacrificing yourself for and for whom you better not do it / You run along the street of success without any luck (on your side) / But she walks out of hell into heaven only once and then right back / If you end up where you started then where is the meaning? /

Because I also have my baggage to carry all on my own / Just like all of the fuckers that think I’m living in heaven all by myself / But the fire and the flames in which I’ve been standing in for so long already / Man, they refuse to see them / But it’s somehow alright for me /

You better just leave me alone / Because when they carry you on their hands, they will (eventually) let you drop / I’d rather fall alone/by myself / Rather alone/by myself /

💙 Lies by Will Jay 💙

I'd rather tell myself if I ignore / These thoughts they'll go away / And my toxic friends have changed / Truth is I hate confrontation / Deal with it tomorrow / 'Cause there's nothing I can do / That's my favourite excuse / Feeding my procrastination […] /

And I think I just realised I would do anything / To keep hiding the pain I've been burying / That's why I tell / Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lies /

💙 Du willst es (You want it) by Kontra K 💙

Only the good ones die young, and not long after the best ones follow / No idea, ask death why he thinks that I am so damn bad / Still here, we’re almost not worthy of heaven / Working day for day, only the hatred kills the pain / Life will shoot you in the chest but only ever hit your heart / Thank God that place in my chest has been emptied a long time ago […] /

We asked God, “why” / But the devil said, “doesn’t matter” / We’re swimming in a pool full of misery / But bring us another glass of it /

💙 Wie gemacht dafür (like we were made for it) by Kontra K 💙

Pretty normal, normal / Because you can’t get me, get me further down (the hole/ditch) / Than I’ve already been, you get it? […] / I’m going one-on-one with my inner demons, and I’ve been doing that for the past 13 years / I’ve been there, no matter what happened / Ask your gangsters, they know my voice / Have respect, respect for the realness / But fucking piss me off, and I’ll be sending you to heaven […] /

What pressure are you talking about, I inhale this city deep into my lungs / Put it on the beat and I’ll be giving you a new reason for your hatred /

Like we were made for it, we’re running through hell barefooted / We’re living rent-free in their heads, with the real ones, with the real ones / Like we were made for it, always loyal to my people / Swapping none of my friends for money, for the real ones, for the real ones […] /

If you’re my enemy, I’ll give you lead (bullets) / If you’re my friend, I’ll give you love / Because a wolf stays fucking loyal only to his family /

💙 Lonely by Nathan Wagner 💙

Is everybody lonely? / Is everybody scared? / Is everybody worried / That no one really cares? / See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone / Still I wonder why my heart is always broke / What a way to live, let the fear take all control / Oh, this ain't life, no / I'm not alive […] /

'Cause I'm afraid to show the people who I am / I'm not special, I'm just a simple broken man / So I will hide my face with my picture perfect mask / Oh, this ain't life, no / It's just a lie […] /

If I looked you in the eye / And showed the broken things inside / Would you run away? / Would you run away? / If you saw my darkest parts / The wicked things inside my heart / Would you run away? / Or are you the same? /

The following one makes me think of Mafia Dazai

💙 Body Count by Grey ft. Thutmose 💙

I got a hunger, I got a fever / And it just won't quit / I got a temper, I got a bullet / With your name on it / Everybody wonders what it's like on top / I don't gotta wonder 'cause I call the shots […] /

My blood runs cold and my feet run faster / I still got heart, I hear a heart don't matter / Say what you want and it'll be your last words / It ain't a secret, I got a hit list / And baby, you're up next /

Stack 'em up, stack 'em up / Teach 'em not to fuck with me / Bag 'em up, bag 'em up / Let 'em know who runs these streets / Take 'em down, take 'em down / Count 'em out like one, two, three / Add a-na-na-na-na-na-na-nother one / To the body count /

T r i g g e r W a r n i n g !

💙 Bullet by Hollywood Undead 💙

Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again / It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends / I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends / One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of Gin / I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top / I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off / Asphalt to me has never looked so soft / I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops / I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it / 'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance / Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent / 'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is / I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife / But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice / I never bought a suit before in my life / But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice /

We hit the sky, there goes the light / No more sun, why's it always night / When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream / When you can't dream, well, what’s life mean? / We feel a little pity, but don't empathize / The old are getting older, watch a young man die […] /

When you were young, you never thought you'd die / Found that you could but too scared to try / You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye / Climb to the roof to see if you could fly /

So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow / Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕠 𝔸𝕜𝕚𝕜𝕠

💙 Brunette Ambition by Qveen Herby 💙

'Cause it's been three weeks and four days / No days off, just runways / I’m fucked up, I'll throw shade / Outwork you on a bad day […] /

On a mission, got no competition / It's hard to sleep with brunette ambition / Revenge is sweet, pussy: my religion / They say slow down, but I never listen /

Old me forsaken, these rules are for breaking / I get lonely with no new friends / Associate, but they can't relate / When you want the world, they’re uncomfortable /

This one is 50% lyrics, 50% overall energy of the song. Yosano is a bad bitch, and I love her.

💙 STFD by TeZATalks 💙 [Flash Warning for epilepsy]

I'm not here to take no names or reservations / I'm the devil telling Satan I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down / Imma kill it let me live just how I'm livin' / Ghetto heart with good intentions / I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down /

I'm chasing freedom for the fearless / I gotta do it 'cause I can't chase fear myself / I'm 'bout as broken as I confess / But better than most that lay cower / Proud of who they crowd / You don't know me / Coming to take your crown / Bow down / You know that I can do better, better / I don't need you to come in and show me how / Settle down / Cause you know that I can do better, better /

This song is mostly just the vibe for me. Quite…. unapologetic. Like the badass bitch vibe Yosano gives off, despite (or probably especially because of) her past.

💙 Nur mir (only to myself) by Elif 💙

Can’t believe what’s happening to me / Your words have manipulated me / I shouldn’t lose the connection to myself / Because otherwise your words will always stay with me / At first, you were there for me / But then you wanted me as your property […] / This city is big enough for the two of us / I have to share it with 4 million others anyway / I get onto the same train, stand on the same platform / Oh, everything’s profit (to you), everything’s yours /

But I only belong to myself, only to myself / Belong to myself, only to myself / Not to her, not to him, not to you /

💙 Disease by Hollywood Undead 💙

Our words are broken but they’re spoken aloud / So come together, come together again / The time is now, let Armageddon begin / They say beginnings always start with the ends / I say forever and forever, Amen /

Forget what you are / Forget what you feel / We stand apart but fall together / Nothing ever lasts forever /

We’re born to live, we’re born to die / We’re forced to swallow these pills and to never ask why / What I’ve become, why can’t you see / That everybody, everybody, everybody’s got this disease? /

𝔼𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕡𝕠

💙 The Wolf by SIAMÉS 💙

Each and every day / Hiding from the sunshine / Wandering in the shade / Not too old, not too young / Every night again / Dancing with the moonlight / Somewhere far away / I can hear your call […] / Ain’t no fairytale / What I see in your eyes / Awaiting your mistake / Not too close, not too far /

Honestly, finding a song for Ranpo somehow was harder than it should’ve been lmao Originally, this song is about addiction, but if you read them in the sense of it being about a criminal, whom Ranpo is about to catch, it makes more sense. I am sorry I can’t provide a better song for him right now djhfksjlhdfujhhgkfc

𝕂𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕒 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕠

💙 Fuck You by Silent Child 💙

Am I wasting my breath on you / Feels like my words are never getting through, yeah / I never said I hate you to someone so much before / I'm light headed when we talk and then you shut the door, god damn / Like what are we still talking for, yeah /

I really hope you don’t see tomorrow / I tried to play nice with you / 'Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day / And you were successful / (But I know the truth) / No you don't have anything better to do / Everything you ever loved has tried to escape you / So why would I want anything to do with you /

Fuck you /

Don’t lie, he would blast this at full volume when Dazai fucks up his schedule again HAHAHA (I love their dynamic)

💙 Waiting by Zhavia Ward 💙

The truth is you don't even / Know what the hell you believe / But you should believe / Lions don't lose sleep / Over the opinions of sheep /

So if you're waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' /

Empire State kinda view / And I'm up here with the crew / I got the feelin' that you wishin' / You could be up here too / Maybe I should feel bad for you / Be a little sentimental / But I don't, no I won't / Make excuses for you to hide behind /

This one makes me think of the time Fyodor tried to break him mentally by making that little girl sacrifice herself (Season 3), but he got back up pretty quickly again after having his ideals get shaken like that.

𝔽𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚

💙 S.C.A.V.A. by Hollywood Undead 💙

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me / Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see / Gave all my hope away, isn't any left for me? / Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring? / We can fill a million choirs and wait till children sing / We can walk a million miles and end up in the sea / And our lungs just keep filling and lying when we breathe / The world's filled with liars, liars like me / And I look at my child, it's finite, this feeling / Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning / I reach up to God and I ask if I'm dreaming […] /

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes / Everybody pays, no one knows the price / We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice / I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice? / How much can we ask? You'll get the answer first / How much can we kneel with the air that chills the earth? / The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt / The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt / You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you? / The spirit of God just passes right through you / You gave away heaven, handed right to you / And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? /

Fukuzawa is that anime character that’s visibly been through a lot of shit (and has done a lot of shit as well, even morally grey or black), which could be why he’s so stern and not a man of many words. Marked by life, if you will. He also gives off a very “wise man” kinda vibe right from the beginning, so I think that this song somewhat fits him because it is wondering about the state of the world and human nature.

💙 Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch 💙

This is your last warning / A courtesy call / I am not afraid / Of the storm that comes my way / When it hits it shakes me to the core / And makes me stronger than before / It’s not a question about trust / But will you stand with us? […] /

There’s a rumble in the floor / So get prepared for war / When it hits it’ll knock you to the ground / When it shakes up everything around / But survivial is a must / So will you stand with us? /

This song just has that badass vibe. And no one can deny that Fukuzawa has a badass and intimidating vibe as well as he seems so stern and stoic most of the time.

𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠𝕦

💙 Nesimtit by Mark Stam 💙

I don't have lots of cash / But enough for me to buy you an ice cream / For us to go on a walk / And for you to whisper to me in the waves of the ocean / I've taken some days from the border / And I put some behind the door, on ice / For cloudy weather / So that we can have them when the movie of life passes […] /

Let me be your lifeline / When your world is in the process of demolition / Let your dreams fly / I promise, we'll catch them somewhere around the sun /

Oddly enough, the Tanizaki siblings were just as hard for me as Ranpo… There aren’t really that many songs that would make me think of them. But this Romanian one made me (partly) think of him, I also think it’s cute and would probably fit him lol Especially the last four lines make me think of him and Naomi. After all, he’d even burn down the whole world if it was for her sake. All in all, this just sounds like him in the sense of a really supporting person/friend/brother.

𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚

💙 You Should See Me In A Crown by Billie Eilish 💙

You say, "Come over, baby / I think you're pretty" / I'm okay, I'm not your baby / If you think I'm pretty /

You should see me in a crown / I'm gonna run this nothing town / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by / You should see me in a crown / Your silence is my favorite sound / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by one /

Naomi isn’t giving me the same “badass bitch” vibe as Yosano does, but she does have that “badass princess” vibe. Is that making any kind of sense? Like, she does not have an ability, but she is neither dumb nor completely helpless in all situations. So, there is a slight badass vibe, but not the “I can and I. W i l l . Kick your stupid. Bitch. Ass.” – so a…. “badass princess”? Because she also has that elegant aura about her. I hope I am making sense…?

ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕠 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕠

💙 2! 3! by BTS 💙

We know that you are happy right now / That you're slaying right now / You have all what you deserve / And we are so damn proud / But you're people, like us / You have spars, you get hurt / You get tired of the pressure / You get tired of the rush / God, thank you so much! / For giving us the chance / To tell you that we're here for you / And this will never change /

Lay on us / When dark times come and surround you / Our light will help you to get through / Our love is gonna heal you / Lay on us / The ones who would go to space to / Steal some stars just to give you 'cause it would make you feel good / We're gonna stay with you forever, until the end / We swear that we're not going anywhere / Yeah we're not going anywhere / We know the road can be so tough / But with holding hands / Together we take a nice deep breath /

Haruno strikes me as the kind of person, who’d be a really supportive friend, so I thought this might fit her. I have not seen much of her and her character neither in the anime nor in the manga yet, so I don’t really know whether this is any good or if it does her any justice.

On the other hand, I feel this song would also fit the Tanizaki siblings well.

𝕄𝕚𝕪𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕚

💙 Puste sie weg (blow them away) by Kontra K 💙

Love in the air – blow it away / 9mm on the chest – then blow it away / 3g on the mirror – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest / Hate in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest […] /

Because everyone’s talking, talking, talking too much / But unfortunately never do it, do it, do it / And I don’t hate, hate, hate the player / But I’d rather kill a whole team by myself /

I’d rather have three, four warriors than one thousand “brothers” / I’d rather pick up cents from the ground than break bread with liars / I’d rather be broke like I used to be than be a part time dealer / I’d rather have a heart of gold than sharing with no one at all (no one) /

Hatred in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest /

Take the lyrics quite literally, “blow them away”. The feeling of this song fits him, I think, because of his sheer strength. He just blows away hatred, malice, etc. and is unaffected by any of it as his heart and his head stay innocent and pure, even if naive.

I have to say though, it can be a pun, especially the part of “9mm (gun) on the chest” would be most obvious for it (especially considering that the “on the chest” part does not specify in German whether it’s your own chest or you are holding a gun to someone’s else’s chest lol). In general “puste xy weg” means to blow it away with the air out of your mouth, but colloquially it can also mean gunning down something or someone. And if you apply that meaning to every single line with “blow it away��, the meaning turns around from not letting it bother you to killing it, which I find interesting with this character. (Because he definitely has great potential to actually kill someone with his ability alone.) Though what I thought when I heard this song was that it might fit him with the meaning of him letting nothing bother him.

𝕀𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕜𝕒

💙 Alaska by Elif 💙

Sometimes I’m thinking, I’m going insane like everyone else / They said I’d be going nuts and yeah, I’m starting to believe them / -7°C, I’m walking through the city park by myself / The down jacket is keeping me warm, but in my heart, there’s Alaska /

I don’t know what love is / No matter how much of it I get, I need more of it / It’s tearing me apart on the inside / When I, once again, don’t know where I’ll be getting it from / Even my therapist says, he doesn’t know any further / My dark side, it’s stronger than the good one / My youth was poisened, the future is uncertain / It is how it is yeah, it is how it is /

💙 Godsent by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I used to share, I used to care / The good in me is gone I'm bad / I used to give, I used to feel / The things you did will never heal / Take a look at me now / See what I've become / I will no longer feed the machine / Can't control the monster in me, no / The way that I feel / Makes it harder to breathe / When I'm thinking about you / The monster is real /

This makes me think of her in the Port Mafia.

💙 Boomerang by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I've been gone for a while now / But only to gain my power / I've been fighting my demons / And I'm back up on my feet (and now) / The harder you fall down / The stronger you come back later / Now I feel like an army / And I've only just begun /

This one in turn makes me think of her in the Agency.

💙 Circles (제자리) by G.Soul 💙

Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again / Always come back to me / Back again / Eventually / Here again / Why is it so hard to leave? / Here again / We always stay here […] / Answer me, I don’t know, no / Just don’t know / You’re getting stuck / Forever / Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again /

This makes me think of what Kouyou (I hope I am remembering her name correctly) was saying about her as a flower of darkness, as she was kind of turning in circles (no pun intended)–between wanting to be in the light and “accepting” that she only belongs into the darkness–at the beginning before she finally joined the Agency.

💙 Excuses (변명) by G.Soul 💙

I told you not to be too good to me / That it would make it too hard on you / No matter what you say now / I don’t hear a word of it […] / Even though I may be making a mistake / Even though I may regret this as time goes on / Baby, I think that we should just end it here now /

Even though the song in total has a different vibe (and story lmao), these parts of the lyrics makes me think of Kyouka telling Atsushi that there is no saving her, and that the light is no place for her (directly after saving her from the Port Mafia). It kinda makes me think of the part, specifically, where Atsushi suggests going on a “date” and at the end of it, Kyouka wants the last place they go to to be the police station.

𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 & 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Sing To Me by Missio 💙

Somehow I got nominated as a king of sadness / Got so much I know that I could even feed the birds / And that's why / I prayed, I prayed, God sent me right to voicemail / It's like, all day my vanity is for sale / Take it away, my head is in my own hell /

Sing to me, I am not doing well / Getting tired of my own words / Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself / Through the loudness of my own hurts / Call me selfish when I say this, say this / I'm kinda helpless, and I need you / Sing to me 'cause I'm not doing well /

Somebody told me that there's two sides to this life / I think I might've chosen darkness over light /

These two are two sides of the same coin, but no side is brighter than the other. I feel like they are kind of mirroring each other in the way they feel about themselves, which is why these lyrics mirror both of them towards each other as both are in need of salvation as they’re drowning in their own minds. Dazai is just better at hiding it from Atsushi.

💙 Namae wo yobu yo (Call A Name) by Luck Life (Season 1 Ending) 💙

I was searching / For the reason I’m able to remain as myself / If there’s a version of me / That exists within your heart / That even amid the darkness on this long, hilly road / I feel I can become a new me / Able to make my way through / So that each of us, walking our individual moments, can keep on smiling / So that we can keep moving forward, exploring the meaning of life together / I’ll call out a name / Your name / So that you can remain who you are /

Technically, lyrically it’s the entirety of the song, but I will not write down all of it lmao And it’s the Atsushi and Dazai parallels here again. It’s not just the ending with the animation that shows it for me, but the lyrics reflect both of them in them as well. I absolutely loved this ending. I never ship characters as I do not care about that, but I really love these two (separately)~ (What they mean for each other aka what they might mean for each other in the future [peace of mind/finding worth for Atsushi, and a reason to live for Dazai, etc.], how they’re already helping each other [Dazai helping Atsushi with feeling worthless, and Dazai finding a bit of piece of mind], etc. etc. etc.) I haven’t loved 2 characters in an anime as much as this in quite a long time (The last time was Kougami and Akane in Psycho Pass) as I find making up characters as complex as them and make them fit together as well as them/make them complement each other/balance each other out is actually pretty hard to do really well.

Making up this list took waaaaay longer than it should’ve. (I did not include Katai because I couldn’t think of a single song for him, sorry.)

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chattegeorgiana · 3 years

Note

Not meaning to sound rude/offend(I’m truly not) but why post about USA politics instead of Romanian ones? Ngl I know the 45th isn’t the one true problem to it all (though he still fanned the flames) but after living with 4 yrs of T**** damage(lucky for non-USA people you didn’t have to live with that) it’s just good to have him out of the WH. Also it’s not just the president in charge, decisions are also made by the house of Congress, the senate, and surpreme court. President does have power, just not 💯 % or else it be dictatorship.

What is going on with Romania?

I do post about Romanian politics as well. It’s just scarce. The same way that post was scarce.

I don’t post politics all day on Tumblr or social media. I try to stay as much away as possible, because people are too invested into this to see that the picture is waaay bigger than Trump or Joe or any other politician.

The political system is an abomination of a system made to divide people to their core.

The political system has divided people and extremized them to their goddamn core and you guys think this is a joe vs trump issue.

Congrats, you just fell into their trap. It’s what this system is meant to do.

You think non-USA people weren’t affected? Have you heard about NATO? Have you heard about international relationships?

Don’t think that you lived in a vacuum and there weren’t ripple effects of this thing.

US is/was a world superpower. Everything the US does has ripple effects. The same way those other big players also leave ripple effects.

As for him being out of there, of course, I am not even going to say that it’s good or not. You guys should know better.

What I would say is that careful with the mass media, ya know? Because some of the words he had said, were true. Some related to China, for example.

How do I know? Because little Romania, a country u guys have no idea about, or better said, my little hometown has been under the effect of Chinese MO.

A single thing has stood to me out of all the limited things that I saw about Trump and your guys’ politics: how he manage to raise employment rates again.

How? By putting people back to work in the very factories the Chinese bought and then closed.

How do I know that? Because that’s the Chinese MO from Romania as well. From my very hometown.

We had factories of corrugated board (3nd best in the whole wide world), factories that gave the 2nd most purest water in the world and whatnot.

These were the very basic factories that sustained the local economy in my little hometown. Know what happened after Chinese business people came and bought those factories?

Everyone was out of job and my county became the 2nd poorest region in the country, because the factories were closed. People unemployed that had to just flee the city if they wanted to survive. Because those business they did with the Chinese were pure corrupt businesses.

My hometown is mostly a ghost town right now, run by local mafia who got rich after doing those businesses.

So you see, in some respects Trump was right. And I know he was, not because he said he was. I don’t trust a word coming from any politician’s mouth.

I know he was because I’ve seen it happen with my own two eyes in other sides of the world. All you had to do is connect the dots for yourself.

The media tried to paint him as crazy for spewing some truth.

So before you believe everything the media tells you about him or how you should think about him, try to detach a bit and do your own research.

I’ve worked in the media. My very first job actually. I learned there how the games are done behind closed doors.

Now, you’ll say I’m a Trump supporter or idk what label you will put on me. Because that’s going to be probably the easiest way to explain this.

Well, I’m not. I won’t support anything political in my entire life lol.

Trump said some truths, but he has some issues as well. He’s a goddamn narcissist and that’s what it was his downfall in politics.

Politics nowadays is shrewd. He’s not. He’s full blunt direct force. The perfect ammo for the system to paint him whatever they want to. In that respect he’s stupid and I would’ve expected him to be smarter given all the shit he pulled in the past.

Like the thing with the banks and taxes that everyone blames him for.

Do I say he did a good or bad thing? Nah. I say he did a smart thing.

He found a way to give people jobs, while in the meantime getting himself rich. He found a loophole, yeah. But it’s not like all those instances with him not paying his taxes were done on his own. Nah. He had an agreement to people in power.

I often wonder... Do people hate him for not paying his taxes or for not having first the idea that he had to make money?

Because in the end it’s all reduced to money. Because money is power and it’s what makes the world go round.

He found a way to grab power and be outside of the locks of banks.

Don’t you guys have those credits ever since you’re in school? That’s literally chains on your future.

You spend most of your lives trying to pay back the banks who lock you in an eco system that generates money to them, while keeping you in chains.

He just found a way to be out of those chains. Out of that wretched system.

Because you see, that’s the issue... It’s a system issue, not a Trump issue.

I don’t have the moral authority to say if what he did is right or wrong. After all, he did create thousands of jobs for people as well while doing what he did.

But are you guys under the impression that Trump might be the only one who did that? Lol, tell me you’re not that naive.

Those kind of people have armies of accountants around them to make the papers look good.

It just so happened that Trump probably disturbed someone.

Because at those levels there’s a looot of power play. I mean, it’s not like in the past they didn’t all hang out together.

Come on, tell me you’re not that naive. It’s a move done by politicians ever since they goddamn invented that wretched system.

And since you asked by Romanian politics, what I’ve just written until now about Trump, is the same thing that happens in Romania.

It’s a global phenomena. It happens in every country. Here it’s the same, lol.

They all used to hang out together, and then whenever the elections come they start being at each other’s throats, posing as if they’re the biggest enemies.

But then you see clandestine pictures of them dining together at a restaurant. Or not even that. Just them hanging together.

You know, when the media isn’t there to be telling the story they want to tell to the audience.

Because if you think that the media isn’t politically subservient, you’re OH SO wrong.

Told you my first job was in the media.

You know what someone I worked with told me about some discussions they used to have in the USA on some sort of workshops or whatever u called them back in the day?

That US media hasn’t been free media since the 70′s. And that Romanian press was still free at that time (this was a discussion back in the 90′s).

But, there will come a time when the press won’t be free in Romania either. That they will write under political command.

Well, guess what happens nowadays? Exactly what that person said. It started somewhere back in 2008-2010.

In the pandemic for example, Romanian government gave the media 70$ billion in funds.

Which makes me wonder, why would the media need something like that, if it’s not an essential domain, like we oh so started labeling?

But hey, they did it in the pandemic so they are now free of any suspicions because if they did it now, all they wanted to do is “help”, right?

To write good about the political party in charge, while admonishing the others.

Despite people knowing all too well how the games are played.

So at the end of the day, all I’m saying is before putting your trust into politicians, look around you.

Now that it’s Biden, you say it’s a senate whatnot problem. Back when it was Trump, everyone blamed just him, as if he was the only one in charge.

Which is it after all? Is it a single person problem or a problem of senate/president/everyone else?

See what I mean?

Anyway... I’ll stop here. I am sure this thing won’t be understood in its true nature so I won’t bother anymore.

All I know is at the end of the day I have my conscience clean, no matter what.

So yeah, hope that answered your question. Basically to sum it up in Romania it’s the same shit as it is in other countries, only adapted locally, ofc.

But it’s still there to divide people, at the end of the day, so that’s that.

#politics #us politics #romanian politics

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rayatii · 3 years

Text

A (somehow both very biased and not very opinionated) review of the Met orchestra musicians concert “Song to the Moon” from February 21, 2021:

I had been bothering my Tumblr followers with my excitement over this event yesterday, so it felt only right for me to stop procrastinating and give an attempt for a review of the whole thing; I think this is actually my first time writing a lengthy review ever, and it will probably sound naïve and be an embarrassment for me in the future.

It started around 10 PM where I live. I sat in my bed with my computer while eating chocolate in order to stay awake throughout the whole thing, and trying not to spill any pieces on the sheets, excitedly waiting for this event, having actually bought myself a fifteen-buck ticket about three weeks prior with my parents’ credit card (they didn’t bat an eye when I asked their permission), happily knowing that the money was not going to end up in the pockets of the undeserving Met management.

Given the shitty Lebanese Wi-Fi and the fact that this was a livestream, I had been worried that I might miss significant chunks and get upset over the fact. The stream did glitch a few times for me during the first number (mainly because I had my computer on my constantly-moving knees, before settling it down next to me on the bed), but otherwise it never failed me.

But let’s get on with the review. The livestream began with a title card representing an animation of a lunar eclipse, displaying the title “Song to the Moon”. The concert started with a performance of Antonín Dvořák’s String Quintet No. 2 in G Major, Op. 77 by members of the Met orchestra. (actually, given that this is a Met musicians concert, I feel that they ought to be rightfully credited; Nancy Wu, 1st violin [for this piece], Bruno Eicher, 2nd violin [for this piece], Désirée Elsevier, viola, Kari Jane Docter, cello, and Leigh Mesh, double bass.)

I actually listened to a recording of this piece in preparation a few days prior, just so you guys know. Obviously, there were a few slightly flat notes that were played, but overall this was quite a pleasant rendition, and I still have the theme from the 2nd movement stuck in my head as I’m writing this. What I also liked was that at one point (i.e. when I was actually paying attention in that area) I could actually hear the notes being played by the double bass quite clearly, at least compared to the other recording that I had listened to.

Next on the program, the musicians were joined by soprano Angela Gheorghiu (i.e. my main reason for actually purchasing the ticket), who performed all the way from the Athenaeum of Bucharest, Romania, [1st instance of Raya uselessly gushing] looking ethereal in that shot that was shown of her just walking inside the building wearing that white dress and flowing cape, before the actual performance. Just a warning for you guys here; I love Gheorghiu (actually, it’s a bit of a celebrity “crush”), so please expect a little bit of somewhat controlled gushing here and there (partly physical appearance-wise, which are indicated by the bold, and which I deeply hate myself for). This part of the review is causing me even more anxiety for that reason.

She performed on the stage of a theater that was practically empty besides the pianist. She sang in two languages I do not understand at all, which helped me a bit with not getting too distracted by pronunciation. [2nd instance of Raya uselessly gushing] Before I get into what y’all actually came for, I just wanted to get it out of my system about how she had this appearance that defined “has aged, aged really well”. She had this kind of mature beauty, especially with her makeup, that seemed to give me the overall vibes of a pleasant middle-aged auntie. (well, this was very difficult embarrassing to write) Even her singing voice had this sound that can be described as having this sort of “mature” quality blended with the whole fact of her overall sound being “hers”. I hope I have made myself clear.

Okay, gushing finished for now, let’s move on with the review!

Apparently the footage taken in Bucharest and the one taken in New York were both filmed separately. I found it really mind-blowing how the audio of both got synchronized so perfectly.

The first gem Gheorghiu sang was an arrangement of “Tatăl nostru”; basically an early-19th-century musical setting of the Lord’s Prayer by Anton Pann that is still used to this day in the Romanian Orthodox Church (totally NOT reading off the PDF for the program notes provided on the website). I had obviously never heard this piece before; I had tried to (VERY lazily) look it up a bit, but to no avail. I unfortunately don’t remember much from this performance apart from everything mentioned before, but what I do know is that was rendered really epic thanks to the participation of principal Met percussionist Gregory Zuber alongside the string players.

Next was performed the aria after which the whole concert was named, the incredibly famous “Měsíčku na nebi hlubokém” (aka “Song to the Moon”) by Dvořák again, from the opera Rusalka. This version was actually arranged by the violist Elsevier, who is among the musicians who retired from the Met during the pandemic. And it was indeed a beautiful arrangement! Now, unlike “Tatăl nostru”, which I virtually knew nothing about, I love this aria and know it quite well, so I did pay attention to some of the pronunciation; but then again, I do not speak Czech, so it didn’t matter much. Overall, Gheorghiu’s rendition was not perfect (I thinnnnnnnnk there were some notes that were a little bit out of tune? but there was vibrato that also touched the right tone and so I couldn’t tell), and I would certainly not imagine it within the full context of Rusalka the opera (see what I noted above concerning the quality of her voice), but that did not stop me from finding it quite beautiful.

It felt so weird not to hear any applause after each number, and so I could not help but clap after each gem, even though no one could hear me.

After the concert wrapped up, the audience got to watch a chat session between Gheorghiu and Met horn player Barbara Jöstlein Currie, where they talked about how this whole thing came to be (so apparently there was Instagram DM’ing between the two that was involved in the preparation?), before the five string players (which actually include two married couples!) whose music we heard earlier joined in. So unlike the concert, which was all pre-recorded, this was a Zoom session being streamed live. [3rd instance of Raya uselessly gushing] Gheorghiu’s speaking voice sounds radically different from her singing voice, and I can tell English is not her primary language, but that’s just something useless I wanted to include, on which I have zero strong feelings. In contrast to the pre-recorded concert, here she was responsible for me writing in The Balcony Seats Discord server earlier today about how “you know you have aged well when you end up looking a bit like Morticia Addams”, especially with the makeup. [gushing done]

The whole discussion hinged on the concept of “Met family”, and I found the whole interaction between Gheorghiu and the musicians just very very sweet, a star singer and musicians in the pit seeing each other as equals, as family. It’s not every day that I see that (but then again, my background is severely limited, so what do I know). Among the relatively unimportant things the convo touched on that stick with me, in no particular order, are:

Gheorghiu apparently married on the stage of the Met because the guy from the City Hall lost their papers and I never knew that??? (but then again, I never directly research info about my hyperfixations because I get overwhelmed) Everyone had a nice laugh at that recollection.

She got into this whole profession mainly to sing at the Met. Also the whole deal of her making L*vine cry and making her debut at a young age for a star singer.

Everyone relating to the feeling of going home at night after a concert, and not being able to go to sleep because you still have adrenaline flowing through you. As someone who does performing arts, I also relate to that on a moderate degree.

Family life talks.

Gheorghiu mentioning how she can’t work with a director who’s like “your character does that because that’s what I decided” because something something harmony? I can’t remember; I’m pretty sure I’m misquoting. But that’s basically the equivalent of “my house, my rules” (”my production, my interpretation” in that case, lol) imo, so can’t object too much.

Something about playing the finale of Götterdämmerung led the musicians to humorously throw in the idea of Gheorghiu singing Brünnhilde as her next role, and she went all “nah” to that, also humorously.

This led to her admitting that she’s not the biggest fan of Wagner’s music (though she would consider singing Elsa); saying that she’d travel back in time to tell Wager to stop writing these interminable phrases, to just get to the point (I’m not really into Wagner either, so I don’t completely disagree). Also, she believes that Wagner is difficult to sing, and that singers who nail Wagner tend to end up singing only Wagner (here, I think it depends, but there is a point somewhere in here).

She doesn’t seem to like singing acapella/without music very much, which also led her to record some sAcRiLEgiOuS versions of Orthodox worship songs, which you’re apparently not supposed to sing with music.

She sang something like “goodnight, goodnight” (idk) at the very end, it was cute.

To go back to the important stuff, Gheorghiu apparently wrote directly to the Met donors, asking to help in any way, because she wanted to set an example for other people by doing the right thing, and to help what she sees as her “family”, as mentioned above. I had heard some stories about her diva reputation (and she does seem to enjoy attention and stuff, from what I’ve seen myself), but overall she seems like a pretty good person. Mainly mentioning that because as y’all know I’m autistic and can’t tell intricate body language and stuff, plus my very strong belief that good person >>>>>>> great performer. (but my dear friends say that loving her is valid, so I guess I’m safe from too much disappointment. what am I even writing).

And that’s it for my incredibly long and uselessly detailed and almost incoherent and somewhat gushy review, which took me nearly 3 hours to write (and for which I may or may not have replayed a little bit of the stream just to get one bit of info right), and which will, again, probably embarrass me for the rest of my puny life, but which I could not not let out into the void of operablr.

(There were also moments earlier today where I was fantasizing about being interviewed on that very Zoom meeting for the scene-and-duet I composed back in January in response to the Met’s poor treatment of its musicians)

I guess what I can take from this post is: never write a review again, Raya!

#sorry everyone!!!#raya writes a review #concert review #opera concert review #angela gheorghiu #(whom i have excessively gushed over)#(but seriously you should count the number of times i have written 'gheorghiu' in this one post!)#(i haven't bc it's late)#met orchestra musicians #song to the moon #song to the moon concert #dealing with part of a current hyperfixation

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years

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idk if you actually awnsered something like this before, but,, is becoming a vampire painful? does it hurt? how long does it take, and how does it change the body? i'm sorry if this had already been asked but i'm a huge nerd for lore like that, and i'm very curious to see your interpritation of the whole ordeal.

Kay so, Vampires are my favorite supernatural creatures and I’ve read a million books that have very different interpretations of them.

There are a lot of darker takes on them and there are some more light-hearted takes. It just depends on the context of the story you want to spin. There are vampires who transform seamlessly and quickly as if by magic, there are those vampires that take days to weeks to fully transform from living to undead, and there are some vampires who are born that way.

There are folk tales from all over the world and they all manifest in different forms. I could probably talk for a while and a lot about all the different kinds, although, I’m very partial to the Romanian mythos just because their take on a lot of mythical creatures can be pretty wild. But I digress. The method and means of which it occurs vary.

If I were going to sit down and make a real short-form fanfiction out of the Vampire AU that I’ve been writing about today, it would be a blend of different elements.

For this, in this AU, we’ll say that the method in which a vampire is created can happen in one of two ways, but we’ll stick with the most common one here: You drink a human nearly dry of blood and inject your venom enough to stimulate the transformation, or you drink a human enough that they’re out of it. Venom is a common thing with most vampires in fiction, so, it’s easy to go with that. It can be intoxicatingly overwhelming for a human victim, it’s pain and euphoria, but mainly there’s a lot of burning pain that can’t seem to stop.

The transformation does a lot to the human body. Every wound that may have been inflicted on the body right before the transformation will be healed during the time of the transformation. However, as this is happening, the person is in an extreme amount of duress that they cannot do anything about. As their body cycles through life and death, the muscles and bone tighten, a false state of rigor mortis will overtake the body. Depending on how badly the human was injured before they were bitten, the longer it will take for the body to heal and completely transform.

For some, it takes a few days, for others, a few weeks. When they awaken from the pain and fog that has plagued them, they will find they are thirsty. It’s stronger then the thirst you may feel when you are in the dry heat for too long without a bottle of water. Your throat burns, your mouth aches, and all you can think about is making that. pain. stop. It hurts and it burns.

The only thing that can fix that is blood.

They will find that their bodies are far more capable of producing pain and receiving it. I think vampires to be strong with hysterical strength, they can do things humans cannot and their healing factor is so great that they’re constantly healing the damage they inflict if bad enough.

However, these vampires are also bound by certain laws. They cannot walk on holy ground, meaning they can’t come close to any churches, and religious imagery will ward them away, or burn them. Holy water and crosses are mainly the issues, but not much else. They also cannot venture into the sunlight. It will turn them to ash if they are out in the open for longer then five minutes. They will retain the looks they had when they were alive at the time of their undead transformation.

I’m also toying with the idea of extra abilities manifesting in vampires, such as special powers that only appear in a handful of people who transform. But that’s not a big deal.

So, basically, when say, Saeran is transformed, he goes through a painful cycle he goes through all of these horrid feelings only to come out on the other side after all of that pain and burning to feel this thirst he cannot control. Newborn vampires are the strongest creatures. If you can’t get them the blood they need fast enough, it will not end well for humans in the area.

It’s a long, physically torturing process. But, when faced with the prospects of that or losing the ones you love forever... it’s a hard thought and choice to stomach. I hope this makes sense I kind of got sidetracked and just went a tangent there.

#vampire au #anon #ask #mod kait #kait is a nerd.... but her full fic on this au would be.....#angsty as hell

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bxstiae · 4 years

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❤ + bxstiae !! yes, YOU !! Talk about the things you are most proud of, maybe things you like or things you want to talk about !!

[ @bxstiae ( ME ) / —– POSITIVITY ] A C C E P T I N G

send me MORE urls you heathens.

vam, if you didn’t think i wasn’t above giving myself self love ON THIS BLOG???? you are.... dead wrong.

things i’m most proud of: the fact that i can bring smiles to other people when i can’t to myself sometimes. ( i tend to redirect things a lot which isn’t always a bad things ) really though, when i am at my lowest, there are sometimes that i actively seek out other people are are also hurting and try to make them feel better because, in turn, it helps me feel better -- it gives me a purpose & it helps keep my mind off things.

other things i am proud of: the fact that I WRITE. i write a lot. i write so many different things. and honestly, i am so very PASSIONATE about it. i’m so proud of my meta for link -- the most proud that i have been in such a long time!!! I have never felt so proud of a muse before until i remade link and GODS, nobody can take that away from me. ( i just pray i am not intimidating in that aspect ) i know i can write MOUNTAINS of words, but god, i will write a book about all the lore i have for TP, SS, & BOTW and nothing can stop me........ nothing. also, i am so, so, SO happy for the fact that i can write such a VARIETY of muses too???? like gods.... i won’t list all of them here, ( for there are some i wish to not bring up ) but i can play a wide variety of muses who all have similar motifs and im just??? dladshf

i must admit that while sometimes i have doubt on my other blogs, there has never been a time where i have doubted link, and that in itself makes me so proud and happy. that yes, i finally have a muse that makes me so happy & comfortable!!!

like you don’t understand vam, for somebody who had been igNORED and so unhappy for so long in another rpc because i felt like i was screaming at walls & nobody ever REALLY talked to me, i don’t at all care about that here. ( or maybe i do idk, i just don’t have the same treatment ) rather... i think.... i am so proud of myself for making the decision to finally, FINALLY cut the strings with one of the most toxic rpcs known on tumblr. like really, i have never felt so alive!!! and im just over her VIBING in my smol little purgatory, it’s so... great. i could cry for how happy i am.

anyway, moving on.

i am proud that people don’t find me scary??? at least i don’t think so? i could be absolutely wrong by that.... but you know what? i feel like anybody who knows me would know that.... i am nothing but somebody who cares. honestly i once told a friend, i think it it might have been @wingclipped but i could be WRONG. But i always say that im like a dragon. i hoard something. or rather, i cherish something. and that something is that i cherish life & love. i will absolutely hoard all my friends and keep them safe. i will defend them with my life. no really, i would lay down my LIFE for them. I’ve always been so protective while also still keep somewhat of a front. to keep myself safe.

speaking of which, i am SO PROUD of myself for learning how to say ‘no, this bothers me.’ while sometimes i still have problems with giving too much, i have come SUCH a long way to what i used to be..... but you know what, there was something else that somebody told me.

actually it was @vescrsol who told me! ( hella yea you know what i’ll name drop you cause honestly it was one of the NICEST things that somebody has ever told me and you know what.... it made me so happy and it made me realise that YOU’RE right.... )

him: Wearing your heart on your sleeve.... alot of other people cant do that me: hoW NO I am a fool him: No You're stronger then you think An act of kindness, is stronger then an act of defiance

honestly, i think since then, i’ve learned to like.... love myself a BIT more. at least if gave me just that boost of confidence that... yes, i am doing the right thing. at least, i feel, in my heart, that i am.

but ahhh..... i digress. anyway. what i want to try to get at is that, you know what, everybody has self-doubt! even i do! it’s natural as we are all human. but for me, i know that the self-doubt will pass! i know that there are people that i can make happy and that is what keeps me going! and you know what? i have had some pretty nasty things told to my face. both on tumblr, and irl, from just about anybody. and while that sometimes puts me down, i am PROUD that i can rebound!!

even when i was little, i had this mantra. if everybody else can’t be nice, then you be the better man. you be that ONE nice person. I struggled a lot in high school. and honestly, i cannot tell you how BAD it was, cause it was really bad. but i told myself, ‘no, i don’t want to be like everybody.’ as much as i sought out somebody to help me feel better, i realised some things...

1: there are people out there who feel the same as you. 2: there are people out there who’ve taken to try to make others happy while they, themselves, are also hurting, just like you. 3: only you can make yourself happy.

this is why i take the time out of my day to check on people. maybe some people may not like it. maybe some people don’t want to talk. but that shouldn’t mean that you DON’T talk to them. i get everybody has their own ways of dealing with stress and talking to others. and honestly, i can understand that!! its absolutely okay!

just like you vam. you, and kirby, and anybody else who takes sometimes days or weeks to respond. its okay!!! really. i just want you to know though that i care about you so much. there isn’t a day were im like ‘oh why did vam not message me wtf? i hate this’ no im never EVER like that. i am probably one of the most UNDERSTANDING, patient, & loving people you’ll ever meet. and i hope you KNOW that. i think the only thing i wish for people to realise is that... all you guys have to do is reach out to me. i know its hard. i know its scary. but know that at the end of the day, if you feel like you’re falling.... KNOW that i will be that head that turns. i will be that hand that reaches out for you. know that i would do anything in my power to pull out out, pick you up, and hold you.

and KNOW, please please please PLEASE know, that i will never hate doing it. and that i am PROUD to do it. i am that one male cheerleader that holds his teammates up and does it with a SMILE on my face. even when i am hurting, i do it. because it makes me happy to know that i can cheer other people up!

I knOW i am endearing!! i know, i know, i KNOW!!!! and yes, i know im a bit much. but you know what??? that’s the fucking latin blood in me!! i’ll never be ashamed of that. i make my own familie ( yes i actually spelt that right, its romanian, NOT SPANISH ). i’ll be the tati && the mami. i am both. you can’t stop me now >:)

anyway, i TOTALLY went off on like a tangent, but you know what. people need to know. this ended up from kinda being a self-love post to a psa post but you know what? i don’t care!!! everybody needs to know.

and i think everybody needs to know that you all need to do some self-love. really though. if you can’t find it. then its okay, let me glomp on you then for the time being. i’ll do it!!! really i absolutely will. i will love & dote on you all. i think anybody who’s close to me KNOWS this. and anybody who’s known me only for a little while has come to realise this too.

but... you know what? what do y’all think? am i right, or am i right? ♥♥♥

anyway, i think i’ll stop for now haha i went off didn’t i. whoops. anyway.

vam, know this: i love you. i always will. if you ever ever EVER feel like you need somebody, PLEASE don’t hesitate to scream at me. and by the gods, if i found that you made a bad decision™ of deleting a blog, i AM COMING FOR YOUR BOOTY. bruh, i am so about that life to metaphorically come at you like FUCKING HIROOMI.

#strztm #⚜ ; — [ ᵗʳᵃˢʰᵇᵒᵃᵗˑᵗˣᵗ ▲ ooc. ]#⚜ ; — [ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃˢˢ ᵃᵗᵗᵃᶤᶰᵉᵈ ▲ psa. ]#[ HONESTLY FDAHSFKJBA ]#[ GOD I FUCKING LOVE THIS THOUGH ]#[ also yea i guess im hiroomi now ]#[ can't stop me now ]#[ anyway i made this rather long ]#[ so have a read more ]#[ honestl if y'all need a pick me up ]#[ read this cause its so much more than about self-love ]#[ its also just as much as a psa #to tell everybody i'm here for you ]#[ i am my own community fuck that ]#[ join me in my purgatory ]#[ also the fact that i can @ myself im LAUGHING ]#long post

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bucky-is-a-hero-fightme · 5 years

Text

Daybreak

IN YOUR HEARTBEAT MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky/Reader, Natasha/Sister!Reader

Word Count: 2600 approx. May come back for a few fixes, but I wanna put it out today.

Warnings: … :) A shit ton of feels. The bad kind. The kind that made me cry while writing. And while editing. And reading. So yea.

For the proper trigger warning part, nothing that hasn’t been common to the story. Mentions and descriptions of emotional, mental, and physical torture; mentions of violence; mentions and descriptions of grief; my lackluster writing of catatonia as a response to trauma in PTSD victims; mentions of death, vague mentions of invasive medical procedures.

Also, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Just an FYI.

A/N: Saying sorry doesn’t work if I just continue to make characters suffer, does it? Jesus, okay. I kinda liked writing this chapter, even though it hurt like a bitch. But, like I said, I like testing the characters, and yeah, idk.

I had fun writing Bucky, even if it was to torture him. It let me explore (aside from his character, that I hope I did justice) the other side of soulmates in this universe. I feel like shit about making him suffer though, really.

Also, there’s like a tiny mention of the reader not being able to speak Romanian. If you are one of the 19million natives, I am so sorry, but also hi! I love your country, I am visiting soon and I’m HYPED! (Also, the mountain mentioned is Tampa, because I love it’s history and also it’s so fucking pretty I wanna cry)

Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think! Come talk to me on my dm’s or ask, I would love to hear from you guys! Thank you!

Taglist: @learisa @lixbean @quiessilva-meriff @miss-i-ship-it @221bbands @darkblueeyedperson @beansparker @fairislesheets @aunty-peggy @me-myself-and-i-4-the-win @checkintoreality @dontwintilligetthere @neuschwanstein

His eyes are closed, and some part of him vaguely registers that soft wind with a hint of pinewood ruffles around him, making him feel lighter than he has in years.

“Guess you were right, Brasov was worth the trouble.” You whisper suddenly, but strangely enough, your voice doesn’t startle him. Your arms wrap around his waist and he feels the soft press of your lips on the center of his back.

It is with a soft smile that he answers, eyes still closed, “And by trouble you mean…”

“That you are the only one that can speak Romanian, love.”

He hums in fake consideration of your words as he turns in your arms, Your face finding a home on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, his hands roaming over your back as you huddle close to protect yourself from the cold wind of the mountain.

“Talked to ‘Tasha already?” He murmurs, feeling you nod against his skin. After a few minutes that seem like small pockets of eternity, you pull away from his embrace a little, the ghost of your touch tracing over Bucky’s cheeks, right under his still closed eyes.

“Aren’t you gonna open those eyes for me, handsome?” You tease, but for some reason dread settles in Bucky’s stomach, like some sort of foreboding knowledge that this is somehow the beginning of the end. He thinks he shakes his head in response, but you don’t give any indication that you paid any attention to his answer, and there’s urgency in your voice when you try again, “Bucky?”

Something in him almost crumbles at the apparent pain and uncertainty in your voice, but he cannot bring himself to open his eyes.

“I-I can’t, doll, I…”

“Hey, hey,” You soothe quickly, letting him feel the warmth of your touch when you take a hold of his face between your small, gentle hands. “At ease, soldier,” You laugh, “I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like that, you press your lips to his. A simple, carefree move on your part that never fails to make his whole world brighter, if only for just an instant or two.

Since that first time he even saw you, he has marveled at the way you seem to move so sure of the fact that your next step will land on solid ground, even when you are amidst a world of crumbling fields.

You part from him, but your sweet and short breaths still graze his hungry lips, achingly close and far at the same time. He isn’t ready yet to let go, doesn’t think will ever be ready to if he is honest; but you don’t seem to want to step away just yet, so Bucky presses his forehead to yours and takes a deep breath.

He feels your skin give under his fingers, and it is as if some dormant, scared part of him finally snaps in place, reassured because you are here. With a deep breath, unsure of why he is so hesitant to do so, like some hidden, quietened part of him is screaming at him to keep this safe; he opens his eyes.

Your bright smile greets his uncertain gaze,

“There you are.”

You are here, and you are real, and God, you want him, and if he closes his eyes he can pretend you can love him too.

Bucky doesn’t even know why he feels the sudden urge to take you in, to hold you close and keep you safe from this unseen danger that lurks in the back of his mind.

His answering chuckle is watery and broken, but you don’t mention it and he is too busy embracing the relief that for some reason overwhelms him to ponder on it for too long.

Your E/C eyes meet his, as if you too refuse to let go of the faint and brief connection. Your smile turns a little sad when you press a soft kiss against his lips, and whisper against them,

“You have to wake up, soldier.”

Bucky frowns, even as dread settles in his stomach.

“What?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You repeat, but he knows it’s a lie this time.

It dawns on him, and for some reason the unrelenting nightmare of his bullet piercing your heart on that desert comes back to haunt him.

It’s the way you hadn’t reacted at first, not feeling the pain just yet, not realizing you had been shot just then; like a numb denial settling over you. Bucky understands it better than anyone now, because in this moment there’s too something jagged and animal inside of him that holds on with all its might to peace, to life, while they both fall through his fingers like quicksand, even as a part of him longs to stop time, to stop it all: pain, reality, life, death.

He is shaking his head, but he feels himself pulling away, he feels this reality giving way to the nightmare, he feels you vanish.

“Please…” He croaks out, but his eyes are already open by that time.

The old and caving wooden ceiling of the cabin greets his tired gaze, forcing him to realize that almost seven months ago, when you two had visited the small mountain-side house in Brasov, the place had seemed pristine, with well-kept walls and light pouring in from the big windows, keeping the house warm even in the windy weather.

Now, though, he can’t seem to hide form the shadows with the voices of ghosts, he can’t shake off the cold that took over his bones so long ago.

He feels ashamed, but there’s still a part of him that would welcome the terrifying zap of his Handler’s machine, the agonizing way the memories were pried off his mind. There’s a part of him, however shameful, that bitterly and brokenly wants to ask destiny why was it that the Soldat is the one committing the sins while he lives with the guilt, but the Soldat can’t be the one with the awareness of your death without him having to live with the heartache, with the absence.

When he rolls to the side, his heart hopefully and yet wrongly hoping for the relief of you being there, of a proof that it actually was a nightmare; he feels the same crushing weight he feels every morning since you were truly gone set over his chest.

Because that’s the thing of living without what the universe deemed to be his other half, Bucky ponders, and it is something that goes beyond this squelching feeling, like someone just ripped off a part of him when he felt you go, the pain in his heart like it’s being forced to keep on beating against it’s on will, despite the loss of this essential part; it’s beyond that pain, and it is about the absence carved into him since you are gone. It’s about the everyday without you.

After the initial pain, after Bucky woke up in a hospital bed with a haggard looking Steve at his side, after the initial numbness wore off and he had to understand it wasn’t a nightmare; the sharp pain is gone, and was more like this dawning feeling, like he didn’t know this world anymore, like he couldn’t, and still can’t, understand how the world goes on with this pulsating absence somewhere deep inside of him, like a lost connection where he is still left waiting for you to speak, because that same part of him that feels the absence, refuses to live on a world without you in it.

He vaguely remembers a conversation with Steve, or rather hearing Steve talk to him.

He knows if he reaches out, if he stays in this present too long, of he puts his feet on the ground; that he is going to be bound here, that this is going to be real, that this is going to be agony.

So he doesn’t. He lets Steve speak, eats when he asks him too, sleeps when he asks him too, and goes on with the soft orders of his best friend, trying to ignore the dull pain in his chest at seeing Stevie so torn about not being able to help him.

But he can’t let himself feel that pain, because if he does, it will all come back.

And if it all comes back, if it all feels real, then he won’t wake up. And Bucky can’t wait to wake up.

“I’m going to have you hooked to an IV if you keep this up.”

Bucky realizes he should react, that Steve wants him to. He would react, he can’t stand doctors. He will probably wake up when he feels the needle though, so he says nothing.

His best friend sighs, “Buck, I…I don’t know what to do,” Steve runs a hand over his face, and Bucky thinks he wasn’t meant to hear his next words, “Maybe because nothing can make this better.”

It took him weeks to realize he wasn’t going to wake up, to come back and be forced to put his feet on the ground.

Natalia is sitting next to him, thinner than he ever saw her, a new darkness lurking behind her eyes.

She expects something from him, he knows. So, he gives the only answer he can. His explanation, his denial, his hopelessness.

“Y/N is gone.”

In a weak moment before he left the compound, maybe in what was the last drop that made him decide to leave, he asked Steve if it ever got better.

“I still expect to see my Peggy when I go see her, I know she still…I know she sometimes sees a life we did not have when she closes her eyes. I…”

Steve takes a deep breath, the broken soldier breaking past the shields, the masks, of Captain America.

“You’ll never stop hoping, when you roll over in the morning, that she’s there, telling you it is all a nightmare. You will never stop hoping, Buck. I am sorry.”

“But we survive despite it.” Bucky states, wondering distantly if he should worry how resigned he sounds.

Steve’s answering chuckle is as hopeless as he feels, “They never gave us a choice not to.”

He left for Brasov the next morning. It was probably one of the only, and definitely the last place he remembers being…feeling like maybe it was safe being happy, for once.

Your laugh seems to taunt him and have him chasing ghosts, your scent deluding his mind into believing you are there, your absence accompanying him like the most faithful companion.

And now, with the devastating and wonderful gift of hindsight, he curses all those times he hesitated before reaching out for you, all those times your lips curved up in a smile and he held back from tasting the smile on his own lips, all those times he decided to sit back and respond with only a chuckle of his own when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around you and feel the calming beat of your heartbeat against his own.

___

A knock on his door takes him away from his poor attempt at fixing the malfunctioning heater in the main room.

He walks carefully to the door, the back of his mind telling him he should worry about his safety, considering this was supposed to be an undisclosed location, but by the time the thought has set the door is already open and he is face to face with Natalia for the first time in what feels like not long enough.

“Natalia.” The word leaves his lips on a scratchy gasp, making him wonder when was the last time he talked. Or drank water.

“I know you do not want to see me, but I need your help.” She states. Quickly, professionally. Even as her green eyes take him in with concern, even as the softness that she found when you were at their side still guides her steps.

“Is Steve…?”

“Steve is alright.”

“What is it, then?” He tries not to make it sound as harsh as it does, but something about having her in front of him makes him skittish.

“I…found Karpov,” She clenches her eyes shut, probably at what she sees written on his expression, “I know what you are going to say. Trust me, I do, but…”

He states simply, interrupting her, “You want him dead.”

“I want him suffering,” She corrects in a hiss, seeming to tower over him when she straightens her back with all her might, looking him dead in the eye and continuing, “I want his blood. And I need your help, Bucky.

Regarding the redhead for a second, he finally gives in and moves from the door, motioning silently for her to come in. She does, pacing a few feet away from him.

Bucky waits patiently until she speaks,

“He is holed up in Siberia. Has called for some Hydra officials -the few remaining, anyway- to meet him there. I don’t know what is going on, but…this is our only chance.” Her last words are whispered, almost manic.

“It will not bring her back, Natalia.”

“Neither will letting yourself die, Barnes,” She flinches at her own words, he almost wants to tell her it didn’t hurt, but she is speaking again, the girl with big eyes and a fire in her soul that Hydra tried to extinguish so long ago in that distant facility in Belarus, looking up at him, “Sorry. I need to do this. Please.”

___

She finishes laying her plan of attack and detailing the intel gathered on the facility and the movement of men within it.

“It’s dangerous.” He states simply, but she shrugs in response. It makes him want to remember the careless way you regarded your own safety too, the way you would have shrugged the same way, smiled his way and told him he was too old to worry that much.

“I know.”

“We may not come back.”

“I know.” I don’t’ care.

Bucky takes a deep breath, and finally gives his answer, “Even if we do, you are not going to see me again, Natalia,” She tries questioning his meaning, but he explains quickly, simply, “I am leaving.”

Natalia stands up, walking to him but stopping with a light grimace when he takes a few unconscious steps back, “Where? W-Why?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. I can’t stay still, I can’t…” A deep breath, and then, “Your soulmate is dead, aren’t they?”

“You know he is.” She answers, curt, stiff.

“Then you…you have to understand. It’s as if…as if an absence was carved into me, and it feels like…”

“Like you don’t know this world anymore,” She says, voice and eyes tearful, “Like losing a lit match in the midst of the darkness, like feeling the cold creeping over again.”

Bucky swallows, “I have to leave, Natalia.”

There’s a moment of silence, a quiet understanding in the heavy shoulders of the Black Widow. He moves to the back room where he kept the weapons and tactical gear he brought in, but Natalia calls out to him,

“For what is worth, I am sorry.”

He knows she is talking about her hunt for his blood, her attempts to keep her sister away from him. Maybe she believes she stole time from the two of you when trying to keep you safe, but he is certain it is what kept you alive for so long, being away from him, being unaware of his existence.

And a part of him wants to tell her she should have ended him when she had the chance, she should have let his blood stain her hands instead of his sins reaching you.

“You shouldn’t be,” Is all he answers. And after a beat, “And I am sorry too.”

Perhaps it is the greatest grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. M.Miller

The Last Chapter is gonna be up real soon!

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies! I love all of you, and I would love hearing from you!!

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanov x reader #bucky soulmate au

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lgbt-romanian-teens · 7 years

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This is probably gonna take forever and will have several parts but: on january 23rd last year I met this girl online which I will name D. There was this online game and some other romanian got into a fight with me because I didn't know when Mihai Eminescu was born (nu știu ce relevanță avea cu simplul fapt că sunt româncă, but oh well) and this girl D came outta nowhere and defended me. Soon after the argument died, she asked me for my skype and later we exchange pics and phone numbers. (part1)

1. (part2) We talked and talked and blabla and we’ve gotten to the point wherewe realised we’re exactly the same and we get along too well and of course webecame best friends. She’s been there for me too many times to count and I’vebeen there to defend her from her stupid classmates every time I could. The sadthing is, we didn’t get to meet in person yet. But we called, we skyped, wetexted, every day since we exchanged numbers.

2. (part 3) In the summer of 2016 when she was supposed to come to my town, Ihad to leave in a holiday with my parents somewhere I didn’t have internet atall. Since it was in another country, I couldn’t use any of my mobile data, sofor more than a week, we haven’t talked. In that kinda short period of time Irealised how much I need her in my life and how precious D is for me and thisthought just kept running through my mind. Finally, I realised I was attractedto her (she’s really pretty too).

3. (part4?) Like a month later, when I finally realised that I trully likedher, I told her I think I’m bisexual (it was the moment I realised I was, so Icame out to me and her) and she was really okay with it, but never told meanything about it. Like, if she was bi too or not. I assumed she’s justuncomfortable with the idea for the moment so I got over it. Time passed andabout 4 months ago she met this boy. He’s really nice and sweet and of coursethey got together 2 months ago (I guess??).

4. (part5) Me being the brat I am, I got kinda jealous. In theback of my mind, I always hoped that he’d reject her. I knew she would’ve beensad, but I am her best friend and I would have helped her through it, right?Well they got together and I started talking to him too, making sure that hedoesn’t hurt her in any way. Since I realised I liked D, I never really stoppedliking her even though I kinda liked other people too and really felt in lovewith a guy (who I don’t talk to anymore but eh)

5. (part6) This summer I realised I am kinda lonely and all I have is D. Thisis why I realised I really love her, both as my best friend and more, but Idon’t wanna ruin her relationship. She’s really happy with that boy and I cansee they’re getting along so well… I want her to be bisexual too and have a relationshipwith her because one time we talked (kinda) about it and she was reallyenthusiatic. What can I do? Also sorry for writing this in english, I feel morecomfortable idk why😂

Sorry for taking forever to answer, it’s just that…you really made me think. It’s kind of complicated but you have 2 options:

1.You don’t tell her anything and keep being her supportive friend if you don’t want to ruin her relationship as you said. Things will continue to be the way they are, but I suppose you’re done with this situation. If you do this, she’ll be happy and you’ll continue to feel miserable, unfortunately.

2. You tell her about how you fell. You talk to her about this and see how she reacts. I think this is the best thing you could do. She will either reject you and tell you that she doesn’t feel the same way but at least you’ll feel better because you told her. OR she feels the same way and then you can get together, after she breaks up with her boyfriend. As Lexi said, we started as best friends so who knows? You said that you kind of talked about this, what does this mean? That there’s a possibility that she might like you?

Lesbian youtuber Stevie Boebi made a video about falling for your best friend, it’s basically the same as i said but better explained. You might want to watch it: https://youtu.be/o_W-BZneCZs

Also if you decide not to tell her how you feel or if you do and she rejects you…don’t be sad, i’m sure that one day you’ll find somebody else.

#mod d #advice tag

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marvelous-imagining · 7 years

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Run

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Request: Can I request a civil war!Bucky oneshot where Reader comes home to Bucky (in his little apartment) to find him and Steve staring at eachother and like Steve points a gun and asks who's she and then Bucky gets all protective and they both escape the black panther together and fluff (sorry for long request 😂) love your writing!❤️

A/N: Are there any classes for naming your work because I feel like I need some... Anyways, this is basically just the chasing scene from Civil War only it’s described by me. Of course I left some parts out and also there are some parts with the reader that I’ve changed to fit the story but... yeah. I literally watched the scene while writing this, pausing it every few seconds to be as accurate as possible. I realize I could have just come up with something myself but... gotta stay true to Marvel. I don't know if that bothers some of you but I'm sorry if it does. It’s messy, probably not easy to understand but if you’ve seen Civil War (which I’m sure you have at this point) you might know what I’m talking about. It’s not very fluffy, sorry about that. It’s hard to mix action and fluff. Hope you’ll like it either way! ALSO, I keep referring to T'Challa as the 'guy with the cat suit' or armor or whatever bc the reader nor Bucky knows who it is and i mean, he wears a scary cat suit okay idk

Words: 3,345

Warning(s): well... fighting, gunfire... that’s it??

Walking along the streets of Bucharest, you came across a stand where a man was selling different fruits. You went over and decided to buy some plums for Bucky who was waiting for you in the small apartment you were staying in, laying low.

You thanked the man after you purchased the few fruits and turned around, seeing a magazine stand on the other side of the street. You were surprised not to see anyone inside the stand and walked over. As you got closer, you started hearing someone talking with a rushed voice to a policeman.

Fortunately you understood Romanian.

"The man with the metal arm!" You heard the man say. He then turned the magazine he was holding and showed it to the policeman. "I saw him!"

You rushed over and grabbed the magazine from him, seeing Bucky's face plastered on the main page. You read the title and saw that he was being blamed for a bombing that happened in Vienna. You frowned and shoved the magazine back to the man who had been holding it. You started running to the apartment, worrying about Bucky.

Now that he had been recognized, it was just a matter of time that someone was going to find him. You still believed you had a bit more time so you walked up the stairs once you made it to the apartment building. You skipped a few steps at a time while going up and you opened the door to the apartment.

"Hey, Bucky." You greeted. "I heard the news, I th—" You stopped talking as you saw Bucky in the apartment but not alone. Captain America, Steve Rogers, was behind him.

Steve was quick to grab a gun and point it towards you. You lifted your hands up, dropping the small bag of plums on the ground and looked at Bucky with a confused look.

"Who is she?" Asked Steve.

Bucky grabbed the gun from Steve and crunched it up in his metal hand. You sighed in relief and bent down to grab the small plastic bag and walked over to Bucky, placing your hand on his shoulder. You looked at Steve to see him give you a confused look.

"I'm a friend." You answered simply.

Steve seemed to be still hesitant about you and he turned to Bucky again. "Who is she?" He repeated.

"What she said." Bucky replied. "She's a friend."

You smiled, lowering your hand from Bucky's shoulder and turned to the man in the uniform. "I mean no harm. I'm here to help him." You told Steve.

Steve gave Bucky a look who just adverted his gaze to the floor.

You started hearing sounds from above you and your eyes widened. "Is someone already here?" You asked quietly while looking intently at Steve.

"How do you know her?" Steve asked again.

You pushed past Bucky and looked at Steve with an accusing finger pointed at him. "Hey, Cap." You started. "We can talk later and get to know each other over a cup of coffee when we have the time," you said with a roll of your eyes. "But I need you to tell me if somebody is here to take him." You said while looking at Steve with determination behind your eyes. You were not going to give up. You took another step closer to Steve and he grabbed his shield as if he expected you to attack him.

Bucky was quick to grab you and pull you back behind him. He held his arm in front of you as if he was shielding you from Steve.

You turned to look at him and saw his jaw clench as he lowered his arm. He looked at Steve and the two began talking, completely ignoring you.

You heard some noises again and you tapped Bucky's shoulder. "I think we should leave." You said with a whisper as the two continued to talk.

"Did you work for HYDRA?" Steve asked, cocking a brow.

You shook your head. "Technically—"

"They're not going to trust you."

You huffed and ran a hand over your face. "I really think we should get out of here."

Steve and Bucky began talking again and you rushed around the apartment, grabbing everything you thought you'd need when you finally got to flee.

"This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck." Steve said as Bucky began taking off his gloves.

As you continued hearing noises from behind the door of the apartment, you began to think differently.

"It always ends in a fight." Bucky said.

"You pulled me from the river." Steve raised his voice, changing the subject. "Why?"

Bucky let out a sigh and looked at Steve. "I don't know." He said blatantly.

"Yes, you do." Steve fought back.

And you knew he did too.

Before you could interrupt them, something was thrown through the window. All three of you turned to look at the object and gladly Steve was quick enough to swing it back before it hit anyone. The object exploded but nobody got hurt.

Another bomb as thrown through yet another window and it landed on the ground in front of Bucky. He kicked it towards Steve who placed his shield on top of it, preventing it from exploding and hurting the people in the room.

You heard shouting in German from the other side of the door and turned around, eyes widening as you didn't know what to expect to come from there. All you heard was a loud thump.

Bucky knelt down on the floor and grabbed the mattress, shielding himself from the firing coming through the windows. You made sure to step closer to him and make sure the mattress was covering you as well.

The loud banging kept going on on the other side of the door and Bucky threw the mattress off of him, turning to look at the door as well. He made a move to grab the small dining table you had in the apartment and throw it in front of the door to make it harder to get through.

You gasped quietly as you heard glass shattering and saw two men coming through the windows that had already been used to their advantage and you turned around to fight one of the men but Bucky was a lot faster than you and he hit the man straight in the face.

The other man was ready to shoot in your and Bucky's direction but Steve pulled the carpet from beneath the man's feet, making the man fall down on the ground, still firing the shots.

You quickly grabbed your backpack and put the plastic bag of plums in it and looked at Bucky. "What do we do?"

Bucky didn't answer. He bolted to the door that let outside and kicked the man coming in, sending him flying back.

"Buck, stop!" Steve demanded and grabbed the hood of Bucky's jacket. Bucky turned around to face the captain with an angry yet terrified look on his face. "You're gonna kill someone." Steve added.

Bucky pushed him to the ground and punched a hole on the floor and looked Steve dead in the eye. "I'm not gonna kill anyone," he said while grabbing his own backpack and pulling it through the hole. He threw it out of the door. You ran over and looked at the backpack falling to the building across from the one you were in.

"Wow." You said quietly. "Can you throw this one too?" You asked while handing him your backpack.

Bucky gave you a slightly annoyed glare and threw that one out too, making it land perfectly next to his.

Another pair of geared up policemen came in the apartment and Bucky pulled you behind him, lifting his metal arm to shield the both of you from the bullets. Steve was quick to cover Bucky as well with his shield, it was a much better way to avoid getting shot.

A gun poked in from the window next to the three of you and Bucky noticed it, pushing Steve towards the window, making him collide with the policeman outside and crash through the window.

You stared in bewilderment and turned to Bucky again. "Did you just throw him out of the window?" You asked in disbelief.

Bucky didn't answer though, he kept his focus on the enemy and held up his metal hand, making the bullets shot at him bounce off the material before he got close enough the knock the policeman out.

You heard shots outside and knew that more people were going to come in the apartment. Your breathing was quick and erratic. You were scared, of course you were. Bucky quickly made his way to the door and before anyone could enter, he pushed his fist through the door, hitting one of the people outside. He then charged at the door which sent it flying forward and hitting a couple of people.

He started going down the stairs and you followed after him, helping him fight off the people trying to catch him. People were flying left to right, hitting walls, the floor, every surface, really.

Bucky fought off a couple of people while pushing another one, sending him to the other side of the railing, almost making him fall down. Steve, who had appeared just then, grabbed the falling man and looked at Bucky saying, "Come on, man."

Bucky didn't respond, he just knocked out another man and continued his escape, making sure you were following behind.

Bucky held your hands and pulled you closer to him, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders before he grabbed a railing and jumped, making the railing bend in a way that the two of you could skip a couple of floors and save some time. He kicked another policeman through a door and you jumped off of his back.

Bucky grabbed your hand again and told you to hold on tight, which you did. You closed your eyes as he made a jump through the space between the staircases. You didn't want to open your eyes as you fell down several floors.

The fall came to a quick stop as Bucky grabbed on a railing, grunting as he did. The sudden halt made you lose your grip on him and let out a scream. Bucky quickly took a hold of your hand and threw you over the railing, making you crash on the wall before dropping down to the floor.

You grunted but got off the floor, ignoring the pain you were feeling. You watched as Bucky got over the railing as well and kick through yet another door.

You watched him starting to near the balcony outside and you knew he was going to make a jump for it. You cursed under your breath and grabbed the hood of Bucky's jacket, making him turn around. "You know I can't make that jump." You told him.

"Yes, you can." He said, grabbing your hand and pulling you along with him.

"No, I can't!"

"Well, you have to!" He yelled.

You let out a breath and nodded, gulping. Bucky kept his hand on yours as he neared the balcony across the hall. He started picking up his pace little by little and soon he was full on sprinting. Sooner than you would have liked, he jumped over the railing of the balcony.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked at the street below you. You felt Bucky's hand yank you forward which you did, making you fall down on the rooftop. You quickly stood up and the two of you grabbed your backpacks and started running.

"What now?" You asked but before Bucky could answer, you saw a third person's shadow joining yours on the floor before you. "Bucky, look out!" You yelled but it was too late. The person kicked Bucky on the back of his head and rolls over him, standing up and revealing his black cat-like suit. You cursed under your breath, the man looked intimidating as hell.

"Y/N, go." Bucky said as he eyed the man covered in a black armor.

"What? No!"

"Just go!" Bucky yelled and looked at you. "I'll catch up."

You were about to protest again but Bucky attacked the man who of course fought back. You mumbled curses under your breath and although Bucky had told you to leave, you didn't do that. You ran up to the two and kicked the man off of Bucky. The man was quick to launch back at you but Bucky jumped in front of you, taking the hit or the scratch of the man's claws.

The man held up well on his own. He was fighting the two of you at the same time and didn't seem to to be having much of a problem with that.

Suddenly you felt the sharp nails of his suit making contact with your shoulder and you yelled out in pain. He kicked you, sending you flying back. You looked in his direction and saw that his claws were inches away from Bucky's face. Bucky was using all of his strength on keeping the claws away.

Suddenly shots were fired again and you took cover and watched the man in the suit just look towards the source of the bullets. The armor was bulletproof which made you even more intimidated.

Bucky took his chance to kick the man down while he was distracted by the bullets. You ran up to them with your backpacks and handed Bucky the one belonging to him before the two of you neared the edge of the roof.

Bucky placed a hand beneath your knees and pulled you up, holding you in his arms as he jumped down from the roof, landing safely on the ground. He placed you down and the two of you began running.

As you were running along a street, Bucky pulled you back and jumped off a bridge to the tunnel below it. You yelped but recovered quickly, you didn't have much of a choice.

You ran along the cars, trying to pick up the pace the best you could. The man that you encountered on the rooftop was still behind you. Your legs were burning but you couldn't stop. You didn't have the choice to do so. You had to run.

Bucky seemed to notice you getting exhausted and he looked around, seeing a motorcycle coming straight ahead. He grabbed it, pushing the person off of the vehicle and turned it around in the air. You jumped on the motorcycle as it landed and Bucky took off, driving as fast as possible.

You looked behind you, seeing the man in the black cat suit jumping over a car and you turned back to Bucky, tapping his shoulders. Just as you were about to tell him to go faster the man jumped towards you. Bucky grabbed him by the throat and the man twisted his body so he could swing to the other side, making the motorcycle tilt, almost making the side collide with the ground but Bucky held his metal hand against the asphalt, keeping the motorcycle going.

The man jumped towards you again but you kicked him, sending him back. Bucky then lifted the motorcycle up and continued his way.

Bucky reached the end of the tunnel and threw a bomb in the air. You looked in confusion as the bomb stuck to the roof and you turned to Bucky again. "Where the hell did you get that?"

The bomb exploded and just as you were about to sigh in relief because you successfully avoided getting caught you felt sharp nails sticking into your back and you cried out in pain, making Bucky lose focus and turn to you. The man's claws then sunk into the wheel in the back and the motorcycle fell, making all three of you roll on the ground.

Just as the black suited man was about to attack Bucky again, Steve came out of nowhere and pushed him to the ground.

Bucky pushed himself off of the ground and went over to you, placing his hand on your cheek. You slowly opened your eyes while breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" He asked with worry.

You shook your head as you sat up, crying out in pain as you lifted your wounded back off of the ground. Bucky took a look at the wounds and grimaced. "We need to get those cleaned." He said and placed his hand on your back, making you wince. "Sorry." He apologized quietly.

You held onto him, feeling your legs give up on you from all the running. "I don't think I can run anymore." You told him truthfully, feeling slightly ashamed. "I'm so tired." You whispered, feeling your eyes closing.

Bucky placed his arm under your knees and another behind your back but before he could lift you up, he started hearing sirens all around and stayed in place.

You heard the sirens as well and lifted your head, looking up at Bucky who was looking terrified. You sat up and got on your feet, Bucky following your actions. Soon a lot of people were surrounding you and pointing their guns at you. You cursed under your breath and lifted your hands up in surrender.

You looked at the man in the bullet proof suit that was chasing you only a minute ago and saw that he was taking his mask off. You recognized him to be T'Challa. "You've got to be kidding me." You muttered under your breath, not loud enough for anyone else to hear. You had heard his father, who also happened to be the king of Wakanda, had died in Vienna. T'Challa was clearly hungry for revenge. From the way he was looking at Bucky you could tell that the cat wouldn't keep his claws to himself for long.

You then looked to Steve who was looking at T'Challa in confusion as a few men came behind him and tied his hands behind his back.

Suddenly someone grabbed your hands as well and yanked them behind you, cuffing them.

"Don't touch her." Bucky growled and took a step towards you but his hands were yanked back as well. He started to pull away and succeeded only to have more people pointing their guns at him.

You turned towards Bucky and looked him straight in the eye. "It's okay, just calm down." You said, not wanting him to get in more trouble.

"She's not a part of this let her go!" He fought back, ignoring what you said.

"Bucky." You said through gritted teeth. "Calm. Down."

Bucky tried to wriggle away which made the person holding his hands kick the back of his knees, making him fall on the ground. You knew he was holding back a little because he could have easily taken the guy down.

"Bucky, it's all going to be okay, you hear me?" I say as he looks up at me. "I just need you to calm down."

Bucky saw the pleading look in your eyes and decided to do as he was told and calm down.

The person holding you started to take you away, leading you to one of the cars.

"Don't hurt her!" You heard Bucky yell out.

"Bucky!" You turned your head to scold him, sending him a warning look.

Bucky only looked at you back with sad eyes. As the person holding you opened the car door and shoved you in, you saw Bucky mouthing, "I'm sorry."

You just shrugged. "Not your fault." You mouth back, seeing his gaze advert to the ground. You watched the car door shut and lock and you laid your head on the backrest, muttering under your breath, frustrated and angry from getting caught.

You turned your head and looked at Bucky through the window, seeing him looking back at you as he was guided the other way. The fearful look in his eyes broke your heart. You let out a sigh and rested your head back again, hoping everything will turn out alright.

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