#also ive decided to use my Tumblr as a personal thing too occasionally

[lunatheskier]

Currently fighting the massive urge to read a 39 page academic journal article about Snapeism and Snapewives or watch a 30 minute video essay on 12 and Clara’s relationship instead of doing my homework like a responsible college student.

#college is hard guys #I love it dont get me wrong but this is the first time ive had to myself in weeks #like I should be getting ahead on my homework #but also I want to faff about #also ive decided to use my Tumblr as a personal thing too occasionally #tea talks

[captainkurosolaire]

Things I Like RP Partners to Know

I like to be called: Captain, Kuro, Zach, Degenerate, w/e. I'm typically not nerved by really anything, mostly chill. (Went in-depth and tagged below cut)

One thing you should know about me: I really just write for passion anymore, I don't care about this whole Post+ stuff, it won't play a factor in me. Tumblr has really everything that allows me to write and further myself. However, it ever goes away, even if becomes Myspace 2.0, I'll probably still maintain writing here off and on in spurts. --Now if they shut-down, I might convert over somewhere that's identical, cause Twitter couldn't handle my girth. I'm mildly autistic and suffer from a few other conflicting health aliments, writing is my obsessiveness and remedy. Used to be gaming, but I became less of a gamer, and replaced it more for writing cause It's a place where I can contain and throw all my thought's to usage. My mind overlaps with so much thing's at once, I get side-tracked, misplacement, my concentration shifts horribly, before I know it, I haven't slept for twenty-four hours or more. Lot of stuff is just me being redundant by fault. Or I become overwhelmed with a story ideas, that impulsively takes me, but majority of my best thing's are sudden. Not the one's that are ever planned. But I don't live to make excuses never care to be defined, by one thing, or person. I don't aim to attain much of anything in life but be a better me, until my end. And by analyzing your mind, you can do or achieve a lot I've discovered. So I repetitively no matter what jog down my WIP's and unleash, or my errors, I put them all on badges displays, then I go back and repeat until I show progress. That's how I have to learn. But passion is a candle, so when it burn's out I lose a lot of what I learned, it's natural after that to be discouraged, but instead, for me, that gets me going again. Cause mean's I can come at thing's with a whole new mental perspective and different flow, then compare, and again, adapt and improve. One thing you should know about RPing with my character(s): Everything is a factor and story with me. Losses, they matter. My character originally was highly killable almost every session, but advanced due to the actions of others, because of them, he found the value of his own life, and that's how I like to do my characters. Even the win's my character gets from stories, will most likely have a 'bad ending' occasionally or result into something new sprouting from it eventually, however that doesn't define at-all how permanently it effects them. But seasonally they go through their struggle. Life for real, is up and down's, these are the component's I factor in. Realistically, sure we fall. We never truly decline unless we allow it. Our character's philosophies, their mental judgement, dislikes, etc, all these thing's become ingrained they decide how much they want too fight and live, they step to improve or sometimes stumble under roadblocks, but not truly devolve. So the more people he interacts with or meets and encounters in RP, they are factors, they're meaningful to meet again, or live, their short teachings are insightful. No matter how small or large or incomplete stories went or passed-by. I created a character who was filled in by others initially. Even one-shot smuts, they're important experiences. Lot more to appreciate when your character learns on their own how to surpass their weaknesses and suffering organically. Still do RP with others but typically I do collaborations, or pre-established or short things, or Discord, one-shot in-game stuff, screenshot things that can convey RP. Want to build this Crew as their own functioning characters, not so much minor throwaways, but shippable, and highly in-depth. Essentially building an optional anime for my partner's, one-day. Long-term with me right now just isn't something I'd ever ask or expect from me. I'm too jumbled and a mess. But it's not a never, I do have two people who are among all my stuff and involved. I'd include anyone in my stories too if they wanted partaken. First language: Gibberish / English. Age range: under 13  |  14–17 | 18–22 | 23–25 | 26–29 | 30+ | 40+ | 70+ Am I okay with NSFW?: yes |

no | some nsfw I came solely off that, my reputation, was known as 'That ERP guy' on Balmung OG day's, I'm one of the degen's from that era. But character's evolve and adapt as do their people, they become more, but maintain their origins to degree. Those perspective's and things learned from NSFW are very paramount to a lot of SFW too. My favorite/most common thing to RP is: angst | fluff | smut | crack | action | plots | AUs are fine | Violence | Darker themes |  I dunno. * I'm pretty open-ended in all things. It's all fascinating for me to attempt at improving. Reason finally pulled the trigger and made a diverse Crew for Captain was give off different interactions and also more reason's to write beyond my usual trends. I'll tackle eventually every genre... now doesn't mean I'll excel in those fields more than my specialties, but I'll do it. Canon Character RP Friendly?: yes | no | depends * I stick with the sandbox but I'll stretch out all the space and limits of it. Building skyscrapers and UFO's with that sand, just happens that this Universe has magic, science, alchemy, holograms, all-around unlimited absurd possibilities, more than even D&D, which makes this game the best to RP within. When comes to interacting with anything Canon base, It'll always dwarf me though. Most likely I'll write my own legit WoL's, thinking of making an 'antagonist' one, but more 'protagonist too' (maybe hunk viera male?) I like making construed lines between characters, that's really complex, it's avidly up to a reader to decide who's in the right or wrong or if they're rooting for the villain or good-guy. I see most lore characters as Celebrities which my character would be rightfully cultured in, and they're untouchable, least for my characters. To me the source of what, who, or with you're writing is what determines a lot. But yeah RPing with anything Canon related, I switch to being a just minor gnat. And there's going to be a lot of consequences, that come if there's anything that does effect something that matters in the Universe. Just cause my pirate is causing havoc and having fun for now, doesn't mean law's don't catch-up or something else doesn't. Cause and effect always. RP blog: does contain ooc posts | doesn’t contain ooc posts | occasionally contains ooc* I would do more OOC if did asks, or inbox related things and was wanted, but outside occasional updates, I stick to my role. That's just write stories and screenshots and practice everything. I'm thankful for anyone who does enjoy anything I share or supports me, It's what brings me back faster and I do always think of you too when I want to get better, it's uplifting and inspiring, alongside boosting. If I do bring any motivation to anything, I do. Then that's the best payment I could get. I like seeing others thrive, or soar higher than me, and unleash their creativity. Tagged by:@spotofmummery (Thank ye my treasured friend!) Tagging anyone/everyone: @roguestly @scholarlybreadbun @under-the-blood-moonlight @lettersnorth @violet-warder @lukawarrioroflight @eligos-venator @corpse-dancer @silvernsteel @silvertail-ffxiv @roxinova @lavender-hemlock @fracturedfantasia @zhauric @fair-fae @avwalya @yuki-yukichan @crow-iv @cadrenebula @spellsandtales @casualcatte @seascrapes @mishivymendi @thorcat @aqueerfishtheyis @ljoturyalre @seabound-dragoon @scornedjustice @laylahcousland @layla-grey @moonstruck-ffxiv @snow-covered-moon (Apologies if missed anyone. If there's more who'd like to be tagged again on all these type of things, let me know.)

#Thanks for the tag! #answered #memes answered #mun picture just optional you can use muse btw #I just haven't gone inform in longtime #Or done these #Prompts

[zhaozi]

when someone wants to blame me and people i occasionally speak to for them hypothetically attempting something if they were in a depressed episode then maybe it’s time for the truth to be put out in the open. i’m sincerely glad you’re not in a depressed episode, but maybe you should think about whether other people are. blaming them for something you might have done given a hypothetical what if isn’t fair to anyone.

axelle (@piningbisexuals) decided that she was going to post all about how me some other people in the thai drama community were attempting to run her off the platform by bullying her but she’s strong and she’ll pull through. what she neglected to mention is that the people who were ‘bullying and harrassing her’ were lgbt voices who wanted explainations for what could be considered microagressions or homophobic behaviour. 

i can’t speak for everyone but i took my concerns to her directly through direct messages because there was no need to get anyone else involved. (important fact before we continue: i am autistic, it take 3 seconds to find out this information on my about me page). as a result of my autism i understand i can often come across as blunt but unfortunately i don’t have the luxury of turning my disability off. i tried to be as polite as possible when contacting axelle any time i had queries and she responded in ways that confused me. 

i appreciate that english isn’t her first language so i shared screenshots of a messgae with @yihwas to ask for her opinion on whether the phrase ‘you did good’ was patronising in the context of the message. upon finding out this information, axelle took it upon herself to twist the events and state them in a way that made her seem more like a victim than she actually is. however, i am of the opinion i did not do anything wrong, and if i did i sincerely apologise. if anyone says my messages were rude, it was unintentional but i know because of the autism that i can come across as blunt. 

the first set of messages we exchanged were in response to her tags about off’s hand being over first’s crotch in a photo op. i thought it was a bit weird to make a beeline and focus in on the crotch so sent an ask about it. i’m posting a transcript instead of screenshots as it’s effort to add them in on mobilt but i have no issues posting them if needed. below is the transcript:

minghao-ah:  hi there, i was just reading through your blog and some of your tags rubbed me up the wrong way and I was just wondering if you could clarify on them a little bit. On this post (https://piningbisexuals.tumblr.com/post/636938447688499200/piningbisexuals-offguntay-being-extremely-subtle), you focus a lot on First's hand and whether or not he's touching someone's crotch and that seems a bit of a weird thing to focus on. Was it intentional? Hope that it's okay to ask for clarification! 😊😊 piningbisexuals:  hi, well I found it funny that in this picture https://www.instagram.com/p/CIZ8wBugW5w/ first's hand seems to be on off's crotch bc of the moment the pic was taken. it's not that deep, the hand placement made me cringe & bc I like to share everything on my tumblr I brought it up. I'm happy to clarify, especially as you seem polite & nice, but I also must admit I'm a little lost as to why that's an issue at all? I'm a little lost lol minghao-ah: it just seemed an odd thing to focus on is all. ive seen a lot of similar photos and my thoughts never stray to oh that person's hand is close to touching this person's crotch. i guess im a little used to fetishisation coming from a kpop fandom background and was just a little worried that you might be forcing sexualisation onto a completely innocent moment, especially with the last tag. as it was all completely innocent, I'm sorry I wasted your time! maybe ive just been on tumblr for too long and worry that everyone is a bit weird. it's easier to just ask rather than mistaking someone for a weird person. thanks for clarifying! 😊 piningbisexuals:  no I wouldn't be sexualizing off & first lol, I wouldn't do that to anyone but it's not like I ship them together so yeah I just found the timing of the pic funny. yes you did good asking me, I'd never want anyone to misinterpret my words. no problem!

the second exchange was in relation to an ask she received about itsay and a comment she made that it would not have been as successful if it was not marketed as a bl drama. below is the exchange:

minghao-ah: hi there. me again. just asking for more clarification because im sure i must be misunderstanding something. I'll skate over the intro because you haven't cited sources for your believe that the majority of bl watchers are lgbtq+ and i don't have the time currently to go looking for some so let's just stick a pin it that. in a response to an ask about itsay you say all mlm representation is still representation regardless of the quality. do you not think this is a harmful statement? bad representation is harmful. for example if your only representation of a gay man came from tharntype, you'd think that gay men were going to assault you in your sleep and accost you in the showers. if your only representation of gay men was the 'im not really gay, i just love you' trope then if you were a gay man you might find it wrong that you find more than one man attractive. is that not harmful for a large audience to be ingesting these stereotypes? the bl label isn't what made itsay big. the household name actors and the big production company behind the project is what helped made itsay big. plus if you're saying that labelling it as a gay series meant it wouldn't be as big doesn't that infer that boys love is good but gay isn't? should we infantalise gay men and their relationships for the sake of a label. surely if it was true representation then it would be under the title of a gay series? please correct me if im misunderstanding anything. id hate to think people were reading a message that you didn't intend to put out. piningbisexuals:  okay dude, so like I'm happy to answer, but also... I kinda feel like you're purposely trying to misinterpret my words? idk maybe you don't mean it that way but also I'd love to be able to express my opinion without my intention being misinterpreted. when I said mlm representation is still representation I was talking about mediocre mlm representation, aka shows that are not very produced & written but are still bl. I was not talking about shows with sexual assault & other harmful tropes. itsay being about two guys falling in love thus being bl is absolutely part of what made it big, especially with inter fans. as someone who watches both bl & non bl thai dramas it's very clear that what most of the inter fans watch is bl & only bl. you can have a different opinion, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. we can have different opinions & it's okay minghao-ah:  i promise im not trying to misinterpret your words. i take things on face value which is why id prefer to ask for clarification rather than call you out publically or anything. im grateful you take the time to reply and that don't misunderstand the intention behind my messages. im aware we can have differing opinions and most of the time accepting those differences is healthy. it inspires debate and education, which im sure you'll agree is important. thanks again for letting me know your thoughts. in future would you prefer me not to message you? i understand that it might be difficult to have someone interpret your words the wrong way and it might cause offence to be asked to explain your reasoning. piningbisexuals:  honestly I appreciate you being nice & polite and I have no ill-will towards you at all, but also I just hope that in the future you can know my character a little more & know that I've said many times that I despise real life shipping, fanservice, shows with sexual assault & harmful stereotypes, so what you might misinterpret as something I'm saying is literally the direct opposite of all my values. so yeah it can be a little upsetting to have your intentions questioned. I can't tell you not to message me about it but I'll just ask you to really read my words & try to understand where I'm coming from before messaging me for explanation. english isn't my first language so yeah sometimes my wording can be a little awkward or what not, but I still think my intent is pretty clear

following this exchange, she blocked me so there was no way to discuss if i was misunderstanding something. throughout the exchanges i tried my best to be polite and open but i felt the response i got was standoffish with the aim to shut down conversation. as i said, i’m not good at detecting tone due to my disability to i asked sophia for help sometimes. 

in addition to this she has repeatedly deleted asks that i have sent her about her sexualisation of actors including the use of the title ‘daddy’. (as someone in her replies inferred, no i wouldn’t prefer it if she infantilised actors. there is a huge spectrum between daddy and baby.) in an ask she did answer she said it was because off was 30 thus old, his nickname is papi and it’s a meme and not sexual. if calling him daddy is because he’s old, then surely grandpa would be more appropriate. if his nickname is papi then stick with papi, you don’t need to translate it? finally, it’s not a meme, don’t kid yourself. i hope the following screenshots provide an understanding of what i was talking about when i said ‘sexualisation’ 

but off isn’t the only actor she’s done it too, so what’s the excuse there? she did it with drake who would’ve been 17 at the time of slam dance but okay he’s a ‘thicc daddy’. is it because of his age or does he also have a nickname i don’t know about? and what about ryan hawley? her tags speak for themselves about whether it’s a meme or sexual. 

i kept this private because there was no reason to make it public. if she would have apologised for the misunderstanding or just stated her case it would’ve been done. she was repeatedly dismissive and sometimes downright rude. she has had evidence bought to her in private of things that could be considered transphobic for example tagging a gifset of joss wayar in drag as ‘if this set flops youre transphobes’ and she deleted the tag but didn’t apologise for it. 

after speaking to sophia and shannon (@1akorn) all anyone wanted was an apology. all you had to say was ‘i’m sorry, i will listen to lgbt voices and experiences’. instead you chose to actively shut down lgbt voices, disrespect someone’s disability and cause upset when you didn’t need to. i understand i might have done some things wrong, i am willing to learn from this and continue educating myself. i can only apologise for things i’ve done wrong if those things are bought to my attention. 

there was never an attempt to push you off the platform. there was an attempt to open a line of discussion which you closed. that’s not my fault and i won’t be made to take the blame for it.

#morgan talks #its midnight and im tired #depression isn't a cheap tactic #if anyone wants to talk about my messages my inbox/dms are open #like i say im autistic so i understand i can come across as blunt without meaning to

[disworl]

Alive, indefinitely.

I.

So, since I’ve been dutifully informed that since this is my blog and I can post hwhatever I want, I thought I’d talk a little about my ‘fic ‘Alive, indefinitely’.

The ‘fic was birthed by me realizing the implications of Hussie’s revision that all burgundy bloods have the ability to commune with the dead. For the most part, I dislike his changes where the trolls from Homestuck proper become near stock representatives of their entire bloodcaste, but at least, this one has compelling subtext instead of just seeming lazy. And it is that the bloodcaste that has the ability to commune with the dead is also the bloodcaste that lives the shortest and is the most likely to have friends and acquaintences who die often.

And who better explore that topic than Aradia? So I wrote the ‘fic, and it did branch out to be about her, partially as her role as a rustblood on Alternia. And so it grew bigger than just exploring the subtext. I knew I wanted it in little numbered parts that made vignettes, as I’d been working on writing longer stories and was worried I was losing my edge in vignettes and short fiction. Though the resulting ‘fic ended up 1,677 words (I intended to keep it under 1,000, though I’m not disappointed!), I’m still very satisfied with it and think the vignettes work. With the numbering of the vignettes, I also wanted to do an sort of Epileptic Bicycle and start skipping around numbers, to show that there was different amounts of time passing, and that things were happening in between. And because I just thought it was neat. The idea of a story with missing numbered chapters is very compelling. And anyway, I did have a skip, with the penultimate vignette being 5, and the ultimate being 10 (which upon thought really does make the ‘a lifetime later’ after the 10 work out mathematically*), but it played nowhere near as a big role as I would want to. Maybe some other time.

*Which since all the numbers are roman numerals, 10 ends up being ‘x’, which as a symbol is associated with death. I planned none of that (or at least I don’t remember it consciously) but I will take credit, regardless.

II.

For a second I thought Tumblr was more competent than it is, so I tried to insert a line break, but Tumblr is not competent, so have a fancy second section with big roman numerals instead.

Anyway, I’m just going to note and comment on some specific parts of the passage, because I can.

The internet is wide and wonderful, and it is through there that she learns about archaeology, the wonders lying just beneath the ground and thinks, to be an archaeologist would be an awfully grand adventure.

What Aradia thinks is a fairly straightforward play on the phrase, ‘to die would be an awfully grand adventure’. It's a neat way to both tie back the theme, and it also spared me from figuring out exactly how to phrase it.

She finds especially good company with one boy, his troll tag resting at the top of her chumproll. He’s a rustblood like her, a bit reserved but passionate about the mystery book he’s writing. Occasionally he sends her snippets from it, and while it’s a bit clumsy, he is always eager to hear about her archaeological expeditions, so she never mentions it.

When I wrote this part, I suddenly realized I needed an unnamed rustblood to die. I also realized it would be a good idea to also characterize him a little bit before killing him off, so you get at least the idea of what his and Aradia’s relationship was like, so I decided to use one of my long-derelict fantrolls.

So she starts to rebel. She grows her hair out, longer than the modest shoulder-length cut she had before. She lets it become wild, a sign of her own spirit and power. She starts painting her lips and lining her eyes in burgundy, a mockery of the high bloods who wear their blue hues as a fashion statement.

This is a combination of two of my headcanons about Alternian society: that long, wild hair is seen as a sign of power and sexuality (as expressed by the Condesce and other highbloods), and that wearing hemo lipstick and eyeliner is a high blood fashion trend.

When she is five sweeps old, she makes another close friend. He’s a bit shy, but unapologetic about what he likes – his fiduspawn collection, pupa pan, FLARPing – and that, as much as she loves Sollux, is a breath of fresh air.

Tavros is often done dirty by fanfic and fan-interpretations of Homestuck, and it often intertwines with apologism for Vriska and her abuse of him. He’s treated as a perpetually and naturally weak and insignificant, when having a person who is abusive like Vriska will make anyone unsure and rattled like that. It takes some digging, as the majority of Homestuck takes after Vriska’s batted around Tavros for quite a while, but underneath her abuse (and the effects from that abuse at the hands of Alternian culture) it’s clear that he’s still that unapologetically dorky kid, and even cocky at times. In his trollhandle adiosToreador, he’s not the Toreador - he’s the bull. And hopefully I could express that well in the space that I could.

She befriends Karkat through Sollux, and Terezi through Karkat, and it’s through Terezi that she learns about Vriska.

This is one of several sentences in this ‘fic that employ a certain sense of repetition and rhythm. Part of that is because it gives a motif of time, which is tied to death and destruction in Homestuck, and the other half is because I just... really like writing ‘em.

She still talks with Tavros, however, but now he’s uncertain, hesitant and ashamed, and a fair number of times when she trolls him he doesn’t reply, and when he does more than anything he talks about the things he’s experienced in his dreams, and she knows exactly who has been trolling him even if he doesn’t say it and –

– and Aradia watches her friend become a living ghost, bit by bit.

This is place where I forwent canon the most, earning the ‘fic its ‘mild timeline fudgery’ tag. Throughout writing this ‘fic I constantly had a tab open to either a page in Homestuck or the wiki, or both, in order to make sure I stayed as accurate to Alternian culture that I could (at least, in Homestuck proper). While there were a lot of gaps that I got fill in for myself, it’s just plain canon that Aradia sends the ghosts after Vriska immediately after she knows that Tavros is likely going to be paraplegic for the rest of his life. But I had written the sentence already (one of my favourite lines, really), and it just makes for a better story, at least in this ‘fic. So I kept it like that. There’s also a sort of cut-and-paste fudge in that sentence, too. I remembered that Tavros spent most of his time dreaming on Prospit just so he didn’t have to deal with Vriska’s abuse, but as it turns out, it happens after she god-tiers. So I just turned it into regular dreaming and thereby folded into the above canon discrepancy. But it’s definitely based on that later detail.

iv.

The shock of seeing Sollux actually at her hive is quickly overtaken by the shock that courses through her veins right after she realizes what is about to happen, and far too late to do anything about it.

I knew pretty early that I wanted the vignette of her death to be one sentence long, though I certainly ended up stretching that one sentence fairly far. Either way, it’s very isolated from the rest of the ‘fic, which is fairly on-par for the ‘fic style where a particularly hard-hitting or important sentence gets its own paragraph. Anyway, everyone knows how the story ends, and it’s sudden for Aradia, so I think putting it in one sentence both works structurally and artistically.

She’s tired of temporal inevitability.

She’s free of the endless orders and voices of the dead.

She, for the first time in her life, feels truly alive.

Instead of the pale shadows that clung to her hive, the hollow ghosts that people left behind, the dream bubbles are filled with countless iterations of her friends, and numerous others.

But even then, dying and waking up in foreign surroundings is a shock.

And really, there’s no-one else who would be a better guide to greet the dead.

At this point, I feel again, that going into detail would be dragging things out. I also wanted it to feel significantly different from the rest. So, where the other parts of the story are told through a sort of rolling tone of voice, through ‘the lens of age old history’ the rather straightforward sentences here are meant to sound very present.

#Homestuck #Aradia Megido #Fanfiction #Hemospectrum #Long post- #Commentary #Andrew Hussie's Earthbound fanfiction

[year-of-yes]

Rabbit Hole

There’s nothing that those of us with ADHD love more than falling down the rabbit hole of a new hobby. I’ve decided that my new rabbit hole will be vaginas. Queer vaginas. 

I’ve been exploring my sexuality more thoroughly this year, prompted by quarantine and my last year of grad school, to really lean in. 

I’m a serial monogamist and find myself with free time - my boyfriend is studying abroad for the next year - and we’ve decided to open up the relationship. Given that I’ve always been in relationships, or spent most of my pre-tinder years woefully sexually repressed, I’ve never just gone balls to the wall in terms of prioritizing MY sex life. For me. I’m a notorious people pleaser and just the thought of telling a guy on a first date that I was only interested in casual sex would have made my skin crawl 5 years ago.

But no more!

The first few months of my new found freedom have been a veritable smorgasbord of men WAY out of my league. Something about knowing I’m in an open relationship allows guys to relax and just have fun with intimacy. (Men are the worst.) Ive never been on smoozier dates, with nicer wine and hotter guys in my life. Should I ever become single again, I will probably just continue to pretend to have a boyfriend, because DAMN. I’ve started keeping an album in my phone of their tinder profile pics just so when I’m old I can look back and remind myself that yeah, I FUCKED. 

Part of this new exploration has been coming to terms with the fact that yes I like women, and yes, I’m not attracted to ALL women, and yes I have mostly hooked up with guys but YEAH, I was definitely bisexual. And that I should stop being afraid and just DO IT.

But like any baby dyke on her first foray into the unknown, I was like a traveler with a brand new passport leaving the country for the first time, blinking out of an airport to realize that I didn’t speak the language, and oh yeah, I was dressed like a tourist. 

Despite the wisdom in taking things slow, my ADHD impulsivity had taken over and like any good hobby worth hyper focusing on, I was determined that I would learn by DOING. I wanted to have sex with women. Now, preferably.

I thought hooking up with a woman for the first time would be as easy as matching with someone hot on tinder - after all, thats all it really took with guys. I casually started following more queer women on instagram, tiktok and twitter, paying attention to what I could learn, assured that on any given day, I’d run into someone at the grocery store or match with a babe on tinder who would sweep me off my feet. Because now I was ACTIVELY looking at women! Not passively checking them out!

WRONG. After months of falling for dozens of matches who never messaged me, or conversations that never led to plans, or plans that fizzled out, I pulled on my big girl pants and decided that I was going to be a woman of action and get.myself.on.a.date. I’m hot goddamn it! I was going to MAKE SURE they knew I wasn’t just another straight girl bored on an app. I WANTED TO EAT PUSSY.

 it might be time to introduce that in addition to my very noticeable ADHD, I also have much less noticeable autism. All that business about girls presenting differently than boys means that others rarely pick up on it - and I don’t feel the need to mention it unless I think it will impact our relationship, like with a friend or coworker. I’ve learned that mentioning it on dates doesn’t really make things easier, but thanks to years masking, I can pull off a first date no sweat. Continuing on to dates 2 and 3 can be trickier, but I’ve learned how to navigate those waters with men who, suffice to say, are rarely intuitive enough to pick up on anything. In fact, I would venture a guess that most people on a date with me consider me very extroverted. Nevermind that I’m too mentally exhausted to leave my room the day after a date. I talk a lot, occasionally too much. I often look bored or bitchy because resting autistic face is more exhausting to change than resting bitch face, so I make up for it by being overly chatty when we hit on any of my special interests.

I have NO idea how this will translate on a date with a woman. My instinct is to say that I am overthinking and likely it will feel like any other date, but then I’ve always found women harder to read than men, and found it harder to see how they read me. I was also terrified that flirting would feel different - what if I was giving off a friendly vibe, not an I-want-to-fuck vibe? Is it typical for women to fuck on a first date? Should I touch her to let her know I was into her? Or did the fact that I had gotten all the way from a swipe right on tinder to an actual date suffice in itself to let her know? These might not be the sorts of questions a non-anxious neurotypical person might ask themselves, but they are the questions that I had slowly built up an arsenal of information for over the last 14 years in my interactions with men - information that was no longer applicable. So I set about seeking out this information in a way familiar to most autistics learning information that came naturally to others.

Google! I realized that I know very little about the actual gay scene despite having queer friends. How do lesbians flirt? How do you pick one up? What is considered too forward? And how in gods name did you eat pussy? Because goddamn it I intended to be good.

I had heard the term lesbian tiktok thrown around and decided to see what was what. Mostly I found videos of 20 year olds with flawless skin making lewd tongue movements that were supposed to be sexy. After probably 40 cumulative hours of trawling tiktok I realized I had a type: androgynous girls who were beautiful despite dressing down and not wearing a ton of makeup. Then I had a real heated soul search with myself. Was I attracted to them because I…wanted to be them? Liked the way they looked and dressed because I too aspired to cool androgyny? A few more days on tiktok and I put my guilt behind me: I definitely had a type and who gave a fuck if it was sort of self indulgent.

I also refused to go back to a time when I was bad at sex. I consider myself a solid sexual partner, keeping guys generally out of my league coming back for more. Thats because I refused to feel self conscience naked, was an excellent kisser, an active participant, vocal about my desires and (most important for men) my ~enthusiasm,  and understood the power of delayed gratification. 

I realized that while I could read articles about eating pussy all day long, it would ultimately come down to what the other girl was into. I’m a proficient masturbator and know what I like others to do to me - but I wasn’t yet accustomed to picking up on the cues that women give about what they liked. I resolved that the first time I was with a girl, I was going to lean in to the delayed gratification. Focus on kissing, touching, necks, ears, breasts, navels etc. so by the time I came face to face with a vagina it would be so wet I’d have my work cut out for me. In a little vagina shaped cake. Why not just ask them, you say?? Because! I’m extremely awkward and don’t want whoever she is to know that I’m woefully inexperienced. Fake. it. til. You. Make. it. 

It was like being a horny teenager again: desperate for interaction but unsure how anything worked. I was googling phrases like “bisexual style” and “how to eat pussy without getting tired”. I read hours of r/actuallesbians, Tumblr posts and go magazine articles. Mostly I realized that I would be able to skirt through to some degree: I was a solid 6-7 on the attractiveness scale, willing to be aggressive and outgoing no matter how awkward it made me feel, with a roommate who could make sure I looked stylish and a can-do attitude.

Now all I had to do was find a girl I wanted to fuck, who wanted to fuck me too. 

#bisexual #queer #baby dyke #girlswithadhd #girlswithautism

[ilivelikeimtrying]

Stand By Each Other

I remember once, back when I was maybe 12, we had an english teacher, a nice black woman with a welcoming vibe and a passion for teaching (she was one of my favorites cuz she was actually nice to me)(also because english was the only subject I was actually good at). She taught us so much and was so kind when we needed help, but there was this one boy in class who didn't really like her, because he didn't like the subject (he wasn't good at english). He was also, coincidentally, the bully of the school and decided one day to say something about her.

Now, I don't remember what he said, but I do remember how it made me feel in that moment, because the second the words came out of his mouth, the whole class started going off on him, even his groupies/friends, calling him racist and other slurs I didn't think a bundge of 6th graders would know, but even I was like WTF!

I looked at her, scared that he might have hurt her, but she just smiled at the rest of the class. She looked proud, not upset, though he did get introuble later.

I had this conversation with a few friends of mine last year regarding rasicm, or more so, racism in America.

Because to us (or to atleast this small group of a bunche of teens and adulesents) racism regarding anyone anymore, especailly in the 21th cetury 2019 (which is when this convo happened) is just so dumn. Even before 2019 I never really got it.

I'm not saying racism isn't a thing here, in the South Caribbean, ABC islands, racism (like most if not all countries) is apart of our history, the dark part that some people don't like to discuss because it's upsetting, but we need to because we have to remember where we came from and make sure such bullshit doesn't happen again.

Of course, you're gonna find the occasional jackass who wants to open his mouth for no reason (I know I have), but you better believe the moment someone says something so fucking ingnorant regarding the race of another person, you're not gonna fucking get away with it. Not with us atleast.

We all agreed afterwords that racism here, especially open racism, was weird, because we're so diverse in culture, race and religion, that it's kind of unthinkable (but not impossible).

And you know, that got me thinking, isn't America a land of diverse cultures, races and religions too?

I don't know. Maybe that's just me? But I always found going againts someone or saying something hurtful and ignorant towards someone else simply because they're of a different race or color, was so freaking stupid, and the fact that some people got away with it? Is even more so. It always made me angry when something like that would happen, but also kidna hopeless. I thought nothing was ever gonna change.

So when I heard about George Floyd, and I was furious, but immediatly just gave up because I thought they were just gonna push this one aside, again...

But then!

I heard about the protests, the riots, how people were speaking out. I saw news feeds and stories and videos my sister would show me of protestersnon the streets, speaking out against police brutality and the unfairness in the justice system. My first word to her was "I'm so fucking proud".

It was like a shock wave after that.

I heard about the Black Lives Matter movements in the Netherlands, people here started protesting against the decisions the goverment was making that was hurting us and the island, people started speaking out against injustice caused by those who were trying to cover it up.

It was amazing and something I never thought I'd see, but always knew would happen.

People, who have had enough, are fighting against tyrany and standing up for those who couldn't/can't for themselves.

Do we still have a long way to go?

Ofcourse, these things don't just get fixed over night, but now we know (I think we've always known) that we're not alone, there will always be someone standing beside you, ready to go into the great unknown to help however they can.

---

George Floyd, Elijah McClain, Breonna Taylor and so many others who's lives have been lost, your names will never be forgotten, your deaths will not be in vain.

Know their names: Black people killed by the police in the US https://interactive.aljazeera.com/aje/2020/know-their-names/index.html

(Sorry, I don't know how to add a link that isn't Youtube and Tumblr yet)

#BLM #blm movement #sorry for the long post #not really #got inspired to write it #you're not alone #we've got this #stand by each other #blacklivesmatter #black lives matter

[youweremyridehome]

thank u @mafaldinablabla for tagging me!

Name: mari

Nickname: berry. but! only online cause its easier and its cute and a literal translation of my name. ppl irl dont rly call me anything other than my name (tho one of my brothers will occasionally call me mannu or mammu)

Zodiac: im a cap, babeyy!

Height: 170

Languages: estonian & english. while i have studied multiple lgs i can only, and to varying degrees, kinda (if i concentrate VERY hard) understand/speak russian, german, korean. and in a professional setting i might be able to communicate in Very Broken finnish but it’s been a while since ive had to so who knows

Nationality: estonian

Favourite season: used to be a fan of winter, actually, but it’s been a long while since the seasons were actually distinguishable from one another. nowadays its summer cause thats the only time that it gets warm, m a y b e.

Favourite flower: lily of the incas, irises

Favourite scent: pine forest (esp on a sunny day), bonfire smoke, sea air, mowed grass

Favourite animal: cats!!

Favourite fictional character: oh wow, uh. those change but.. currently? maybe in a way its gilear faeth from fantasy high (a dnd5e actual-play) cause he is a Sad Sack and every interaction with him in the story is just a+++  but if i were to be more serious then maybe.. Lup from TAZ balance and my boy Christophe from YOI?

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa? coffee, mostly 

Average amount of sleep: tends to be like 9 or so hrs, altho recently ive taken to watching dimension 20 till 2am so that would make it an average of like 5-6hrs

Favourite colour: i dooont knooooow. i dont think i have one anymore. i used to be into orange and then purple for a while but.. rn i have no idea

Dog or cat person: cat person. i like and appreciate dogs but i feel like i cant interact with them for shit cause im so much more used to the body lg of cats

Number of blankets: one, usually. for winter (aka, through mid-sept to mid-april lmao) i have a warmer one and a lighter one for the rest of the year. altho in my familys summer cottage it can still get cold so i will sometimes pile like 4 of those old very flimsy but somehow still heavy blankets on top.

Dream trip: i wanna go back to nyc for far more than just like a 2 week thing. i also wanna go to prague cause it has always seemed so fkn cool. i also wanna go to seoul.

Blog established: uhhhhh, it’s been abt 8 years i think, maybe? i think i had just turned 20 or 21 or sth?

Follower count: 801, it turns out? i mean i assume at least an eighth of those are bots and a fourth are no longer active so i think its probably closer to 500 blogs that are actually active? no wait that still sounds preposterous?

Random fact about me: when i was 9yrs old i fell face-down a flight of stairs and i swear to god i saw it happen from the side and just watched myself fall in the darkness with just me, the stairs, and like a spotlight-looking light over the scene. i was taken to the er and got 2 stitches on the inside of my upper lip and to this day the right side is bigger than the left because of the scar tissue.

Gender: woman (cis)

Sexuality: turns out im ace (looking back i shouldve realised sooner) but at the same time im also into women so its a horrible combination and ive fully given up on even approaching ppl i might like because i feel like i wont ever be able to offer what they deserve. its only sad when i think about it for too long so i try not to

Hogwarts house: hufflepuff

Where are you from: estoniaaaa

Why did you start this blog: i was a huge The Killers fan at the time and my bff and i were already going to tumblr blogs for pics and interviews and etc and then i just finally decided to join

Most recently played album: nonadaptaion by se so neon (just listened to it last night)

im not gonna tag too many ppl but @cap-mars @yurka-on-ice @the-asexual-detective @blu7711 @rentakaya @auroraisgay @black-jean-grey @discoveryinthedark

..oops i still ended up tagging so many ppl. welp.

#berry talk

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

#wshedtask002

[fuckyeahrebelfinn]

@captainamericagf

Amanda I wanted to clear upa few things about IX’s shooting and John’s post ect and it’s going to be too damn long for your inbox, so here’s to hoping tumblr’s tagging decides to work.

(Also @vaderey)

Re: the tag FN2187 on John’s photo. 

I’m sorry to say that that “only” signifies that it’s about Finn. John is a very inconsistent tagger who rarely tags at all and only at times where he finds whatever tag very central to the post. FN2187 have been his go to tag for Finn since TFA came out, probably because it’s the only truly unique identifier for Finn. If he just tagged #Finn it would drown in the thousands upon thousands of other Finns on Instagram, but there’s only one FN-2187.

So I hate to rain on everyone’s theories about a Stormtrooper uprising - including my own - but all that means is that whatever badassery was going on Finn was central to it, but with no indication of what kind of badassery it was.

Finn’s injuries:

As for the lack of plasma burns indicating anything can I just remind everyone that lightsaber injury to hands tend to result in not plasma burns but lost hands?

I mean look at all the plasma burns that Luke got in his duel with Vader at Cloud City?

Oh wait, that’s more cuts and bruises because Vader was throwing shit at him. Not to mention all we’ve seen was John’s hands. Nice jumping to conclusions there Anon.

Finally I have a very hard time seeing John being excited for a scene that kills off Finn. Not to mention, they’re nearly done shooting and given JJ’s preference for shooting as chronologically as possible this is likely something at the end of the movie. That John is still this excited about it all makes it look like IX might treat Finn well. Obviously nothing is certain and JJ may still end up butchering Finn’s storyline as much as Rian did, but that John even dares to display this level of confidence this late in the game make it seem to me that we may get an Episode IX that’s worth watching.

Re: Yavin IV.

Here people are really beginning to pass of complete speculations as facts :/

Yes IX is currently shooting at Cardington Air Sheds which was used as the sound stage for the Rebel base in both ANH and RO because it’s the biggest damned sounds stage in the UK and they needed the cavernous feel of the big interior of the Massassi temple. All them being at Cardington means it that they need a huge freaking sound stage, which given that all we’ve heard is that the sake on IX is massive doesn’t sound unlikely for say a really big battle.

Also the shooting at Cardington is done by Vic which means it’s scenery shoots or big battle panoramas, which again fits with the only named actor being spotted at Cardington being Joonas, the Finnish guy who’s inside Chewie.

And everything we’ve heard from Kevin Smith’s visit to the IX set as well as a goodly assortment of rumors says that IX is huge even for Star Wars, that we’re looking at something at a heretofore unprecedented scale. So big panorama shots and overviews of a gigantic ground battle does not sound implausible. It may or may not involve Yavin but we don’t know either way, personally I think it doesn’t and it’s all about size :P (for once).

Re: Rose and Loan.

This one is purely on that Anon leaping to the assumption that she’s not important, especially as John said “the entire crew” and they automatically assumed that wouldn’t include her. I know there’s not been much reports on her, but lets be real it’s because both fandom and media couldn’t care less about her or any of the characters of color. Come on, the only reason we occasionally hear anything about John is that he’s the only one still on social media apart from Mark (who for the record appears to have a minuscule role in IX) because media and fandom could on the whole not give fewer shits about anyone who isn’t Rey or Kylo.

That said I finally managed to dig out a good source of info on Loan and her movements on twitter (for those interested it’s named @dailytranloan). Between that and my own Googlemancy this is what it looks like:

Loan was spotted on multiple occasions in London in August and September, i.e. while IX was shooting at Pinewood. She drops out of sight about the time where the shooting moved to Wadi Rum but we have no clue if she went with them or not. She was only spotted in London once after the return of the shooting to England and New Year, but have been confirmed seen (photo evidence) three times between New Year and today. 

So it looks like Rose may have a much bigger role in IX than anyone suspected and that she’s making it all the way to the end and beyond it.

I think that covers most of the things your anons have been throwing at you.

tl;dr John have been excited about IX since they started shooting, in fact before they started and his excitement and enthusiasm have only gone one way, up. If people are disinclined to trust him I’m not going to argue with them further but I’m beginning to believe that all those doomsday anons are not all in good faith and that a certain group of someones have begun trolling because it’s becoming increasingly clear that Finn is going to be the male lead in IX and be treated as such by the story. Which spells nothing but doom and judgement for a certain other character and we know how much they all only tolerate Finn when he’s safely ensconced as a side character.

I understand being worried about IX, damn bitch me too, but this constant cry of doom when we get something positive rings false to me.

Personally I’m going to take John’s word on it unless we get solid indications otherwise.

~Mod Mara

#john boyega #episode ix #rose tico #rebelfinn #kelly marie tran #loan tran #star wars: episode ix #star wars episode ix #jj abrams #vic mahoney #mod mara #epix #spoliers #jb #lt #jja #vm

[thatvixenchick]

hey there vixen! Ive been followin you for a while, and wanna ask some advice; so an online friend of mine has revealed that they’ve been lying the whole time; that they are really not in their 20s, and have been around like, 19. We’ve been chatting for 4 years, and I’m slightly panicking, since I have talked the nsfw of the nsfw stuff about her back when she was about 16. Rly sorry if this is sudden, but wouldn’t you be weirded out if its revealed ur friend has been underage this whole time??

Because of the current tumblr climate, I’m going to answer this much more long-winded than I normally would have. Take a seat, it’s story time.

When I was in middle school, I was much more emotionally mature than my peers. I started going into chat rooms on the internet and the people I connected with were all older. Occasionally, they would strike on topics I was not comfortable participating in, so I would tap out until later. That wasn’t often because I was in mostly themed chats. We talked about ghosts or updates on the websites we visited or TV shows we watched. Most of my main chat were college students. I hid my age with them and when they would talk about classes, I would desperately try to pretend like I knew how college courses worked. They never learned my age.

In late middle school, my peers started exploring sex. I did not. I had a mental block on exactly how sex worked right up until the end of 8th grade in which I picked up a romance novel, not realizing what it would contain. The book solidly used “gates of womanhood” and “gates of manhood” the entire scene, but it got the point across. We had no sex ed in my schools because of where I lived. However, my mother was insistent on me going to her about anything. So in a daze, I walked up to her and asked if that was really how sex worked. She said “yes” and left it at that since she was coming to terms with the fact that my questions in the future were about to get a lot more detailed.

That summer, I took the book to 4H camp and talked about what it contained to the 14 girls I was in a cabin with. Half of them wanted nothing to do with it, the other half wanted to know. I refused to give details. Only 3 of the girls were brave enough to read the scene, and one got invested and finished the book. (I still dunno how people can read that fast…)

In high school, people were having sex, getting caught, and talking about it. I also discovered fandom. I quickly learned that, at this point in fandom history, there was a 50/50 chance of an author being around my age or much older. I trusted the ones much older since the ones around my age had crazy ideas about how sex worked. For example, Harry rubbed Hermione's belly button because the author thought that’s where the clit was. My friend group would talk about these fics and laugh. We would share terrible examples of sex. We would also share good examples of sex. Online, nobody spoke of their ages as it was an unwritten rule of fandom spaces during that time. Some you could tell, others you could not. It was how things worked back then.

For every new thing I learned from fanfiction or my high school friends and was confused about, I would go to my mother for accurate clarification. She used these moments to also make sure I understood safety and consent. I asked her about the things I learned from my friends about the sex they were having irl and discovered how much of it was SO unsafe. About this time, I started having cyber sessions with a person from my text-based role-playing group. He was a year younger than me.

At 17, a friend from a forum group that I talked to over messenger started flirting with me. I knew he was older. So, in light of our 4 year friendship, I told him my age. He was uncomfortable and decided to stop talking to me. I didn’t blame him for that, though I was a bit sad. Still, it was the best decision he could have made for himself and I respected that.

At 19 my cousin came to me because her boyfriend wanted to have sex. She was 13. She had nobody to turn to for advice or information since her family was of the opinion that no information at all was best. I had always encouraged her to ask me about anything she needed to know. I explained that she was too young and her partner too uneducated. I let her know the facts about what she asked. I made sure to drill into her head that condoms were non-negotiable since she looked determined to do it anyways. She did. She got hurt. She stopped seeing the boy. She avoided anything sexual for another 3 years before slowly getting back into things. Every time she needed something, or had a scare, or had a question, she would come to me. She was always so afraid of talking about it out loud, so I let her know all the safety information I could give to make sure she understood what she was getting herself into. She stayed sexually active, but she also stayed safe, clean, unhurt, and would punch a guy that tried to push something. Consent is important.

As for me, I did not start being sexually active with my own body until I was 19. I did not have sex until I was 21. I dated during that time, but I set very clear and firm boundaries about what I was and wasn’t comfortable with. I had no tolerance for those boundaries being pushed. As I grew older, I continued to enjoy learning everything I could about sex and kink, consent and safety, sexuality and gender. Currently, I help out with sex education where I can, including essays, presentations at conventions, and podcasts.

So now you know my history and can better understand my answer:

I understand why a person would have various reasons for lying about how young they are on the internet. I did it. I have friends that did. There’s a certain amount of responsibility one has to take when lying about being older, though. One, you cannot engage in any sex talk that is personal between yourself and the older person you are talking to. Two, you must be honest if a situation arises in which the older person could get into legal trouble. Three, you must take full responsibility to walk away from conversations that you find uncomfortable. Four, you must protect your privacy with your life and give no details on your name, specific location, personal acquaintances, or pictures of yourself.

I understand why a person would be upset about being lied to. Not only the lie but because the decision of what they would feel comfortable with was taken from their hands. It was a violation of their trust and personal online safety. 

Not to mention, things are different now than they were back in my day of fandom. It’s important to keep in mind the expectations of the majority in different spaces on the internet along with personal boundaries of whoever you are talking to. Be educated and make informed decisions about your online interactions.

Would I have been upset about discussing nsfw content that did not personally involve me or the other party without me knowing that the other party was underage?

This answer varies per person and that’s okay. Every person has different boundaries for themselves and different expectations of their own online privacy and safety. Every person must set those boundaries for themselves and see that they are adhered to by those around them whenever possible. It’s nobody else’s job to enforce the rules you have made to protect yourself.

Legally speaking (I am in America), so long as the older party remained unaware of the age younger party, and all talk of a sexual manner was not used in a way to seduce the younger party, and no pictures of the younger party were exchanged, then nothing illegal happened. That’s a fine line to walk, however, with the ways that lawyers can spin things. So it’s understandable that an older party would want to be able to walk away from any nsfw conversations with a younger party to protect themselves.

However, I also understand not being bothered at all because the younger party had someone they were comfortable with talking to about these things. They were learning, whether they realized it or not, the details of the content they were reading, what was and wasn’t real, and how to form better decisions on safety and consent. Because speaking to someone more mature means getting better information. It means there’s no argument about where the cervix is located or whether or not a nipple can be pinched off with a clothespin. An older party could find themselves relieved that the younger party had someone to talk to that knew better than to sneak out during school lunch break and have sex in their car with a plastic bag for a condom.

As a sex educator, I would rather a teen come to me with their questions than to their peers. Of course, as a sex educator, I also understand my own personal and legal boundaries better than your average joe on the internet. So it’s perfectly reasonable for a person who does not know those boundaries to want to tap out of a conversation with someone underage.

So for me, personally, I come from a time when ages were simply not discussed. This isn’t unusual for me. I also understand wanting to talk to someone more emotionally mature who likely has a better education than one’s peers. I also get being panicked when you weren’t aware of the boundaries you should have been adhering to when talking to someone underage. It’s a complicated situation, made more so by the individual in question and the details of the conversations I might have had with them. How I felt and the actions I would take would vary depending on the situation as this is too broad a question to give an all-encompassing answer.

So I will say that any emotions that you are having about it are valid. The decision that you make now should be what is best for you - for your emotions, your safety, and your future. It is worth being empathetic to the other party, but you should never be swayed by their reasoning, feelings, or excuses because ultimately, you must do what you feel is best for yourself. But whatever you do, don’t hold onto it and obsess over it. Deal with the emotions you have from the violation of trust, come to a rational decision as to what’s best, follow through, and then let it go and move on.

#ask #answer #advice

[lumilasi]

So. Originally I meant Adam be my main, but I decided I should go with Azul and Reuben instead, given how many connections they have to the other ocs I and my friend got. They are clearly more of the center of focus.

Also there’s a bio for Azul’s familiar Lasha.

Who is a total hoe. 

At first glance anyway, there’s more to him than that actually.

Anyway, character bio; 

Name: Azul Samaros

He/him

Height: 177 cm

Human mage

Age: 25

Dark Arts master of the Kingdom of Valencia

personality:

Azul is known to be very quiet, only talking when he legit has things to say. He’s also very blunt and honest, and has a dry sense of humor. He is the type to often take matters into his own hands and act before asking for permission. 

He is a highly protective big brother, and while he tends to act like a dick to his lil bro (who acts like a dick back, it’s a bro thing) he loves Reuben dearly and would literally kill anyone who dared to hurt him.

Despite his apparent grumpy nature, Azul is actually far more patient than one would think initially, as it is really hard to make him angry. He can stand his brother’s mishaps and his familiar’s flirty behavior without batting an eyelid for hours. 

Important people:

His brother Reuben: https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174471835666/next-oc-done-this-time-its-azul-feisty-lil-bro

His teacher Lionel: https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174634983311/i-was-supposed-to-finish-him-ages-ago-but-had

Alexander (his king, TBA)

Mellina (His Queen, TBA)

Helias (former ruler, Gwendolyn’s brother): https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174053975541/so-ive-been-busy-with-working-on-designs-for

Gwendolyn (his GF of sorts and also an Empress): https://mad-hatter-rici.tumblr.com/post/174081334714/my-best-pal-since-2010-decided-to-create-a-tumblr

His brother’s Djinn and his familiar’s love interest Athem: https://mad-hatter-rici.tumblr.com/post/174755800804/athem-the-djinn-yeah-so-here-is-another-oc-for-the

Familiar Lasha (more info at the end)

Abilities:

Azul is a dark magic mage so he knows a lot about curses and summoning spells, and can perform those as well, not to mention create enchanted objects or poisons. He can also solidify shadows as a weapon. 

He has the ability to put a sleeping spell on people, this one is sort of his trademark as he uses it a LOT, whenever he wants his bro or Lasha to shut up, or if he needs someone to rest due to their injuries.

He can also command Lasha as he pleases, though mainly uses the snake’s skills for intelligence gathering and occasional massages. He doesn’t want to use Lasha in battles too much both because the snake demon might go a bit far, and because he honestly is concerned the dumbass would hurt himself badly. 

Weaknesses:

His tendency to act before asking for permission can sometimes lead into rather bad results, where he meddles into something he shouldn’t have. 

He is terrible at making friends because most find him highly intimidating. He mainly really chats with his brother casually, or his familiar. Overall, he just has the tendency to come off cold and blunt, which might be learned from the way his teacher acted. His habit of not always getting enough sleep and staying up too much is also learned from Lionel, although in his master’s case it was fine, since as a Chesire, he didn’t need as much sleep as Azul does.

He is a skilled mage, but there are always those who are more skilled, such as his teacher, Lionel, and sometimes Azul overestimates his abilities.

Fun Facts

- Azul could be considered Demisexual, as one really needs to gain his trust before he can actually feel attracted to them - something Gwendolyn managed to do. He doesn’t care too much whom he’s romantically involved with, at least when it comes to gender. His current lover just happens to be a woman. 

- Azul is pretty kinky and aggressive lover, which Gwendolyn actually enjoys a lot given how feisty she is.

- He sometimes contacts his wandering teacher trough Astral plane if there is more serious matter to discuss

- Azul’s most precious possession is a ritual knife he got from Lionel (the one he can use to contact him) his teacher, and he is highly possessive over this item due to the incredible emotional value it holds. He will get pissy if anyone touches it without his permission, and might either stab, curse or just punch them, or otherwise make their day miserable. The only two people who are allowed to touch it are Reuben and Lasha.

- His nicknames for Lasha are Lash, hoe, Slutnoodle and dumbass.(Lasha has a habit of flirting a lot, and before Reuben found Athem, Lasha also slept around quite a bit)

- He calls his brother either Ruby or Reubie (or dumbass number two)

- He himself is nicknamed “the Blue Demon” by the common folk because he tends to terrify them a lot. 

- Azul is one of the very few people Empress Gwendolyn trusts to see the horrid scarring on her back from the demon attack century ago. 

- Azul can go on for days without sleep, though usually someone eventually knocks him out when he starts getting ridiculous with it.

- That claw thing on his finger is something he uses to bleed magic essence from things. it is based on Helias’ feathers that have similar ability.

BG story in a nutshell:

Reuben and Azul were orphaned brothers whose home village was destroyed by a rampaging magical fire, which originated from their lunatic of a father trying to enchant Reuben’s elemental powers with a forbidden ritual, and causing the boy’s power to lash out of control. They ended up in Mirthas where they lived up to their late teens, during which time both were trained in their respective magic skills, Azul being trained by Mirthas’ master exorcist Lionel. After Reuben’s mental state got worse due to the nightmares and guilt over what happened back in their home village, Azul and Lionel decided to erase every bit of memory from Reuben’s mind regarding to the incident, portecting his sanity.

During their time in Mirthas, Azul summoned himself a familiar, who freaked Lionel out at first upon realizing he was the same type of demon as the one who’d attacked their Kingdom years ago. However, upon seeing how well Azul connected with the snake, he allowed the boy to keep it. He also managed to develop a bond with the then reclusive Empress of Mirthas, who’d been keeping herself away from public eye due to heavy emotional scarring and shame. Azul’s honest, no nonsense nature helped to ease the troubled Empress’ mind, and she grew fond of the young mage.

Azul ended up in his current Kingdom of Valencia after taking a trip there with his brother and the Empress, who was requested to aid her old friends with something. The two brothers grew fond of the human kingdom and decided to stay, especially after Reuben went and fell in love with their elder prince.

So that’s all about Azul for now

Here’s bits about Lasha

Age: Unknown, but he says he’s at least a couple centuries old

Height: 185 cm

Length (snake form): about 4-5 meters

Demon Type: 

He’s what they call “Arthan” which refers to members of the lost kingdom of Arthanos who ended up succumbing into their own magic power and turning into demons. Another name - the one primarily used - is Silver Night Beasts as often they have an element of their body that appears like the night sky and glimmers silvery with “stars”

Personality: 

He’s highly flirty, physically affectionate and seductive, coming off as somebody highly confident with their looks and not afraid to use that advantage. Most of the time he acts calm and well-mannered, though he is mischievous too, playing tricks on people (harmless; Azul would get pretty angry if he hurt people without permission) and loves being paid attention to. 

That being said, he genuinely cares for his Master and gets highly testy if someone insults Azul or his brother Reuben. As a snake, he can act almost cutesy and silly. 

When it comes to his master brother’s Djinn - whom he knows personally from the past - Lasha’s behavior can change drastically and reminds more of how he used to be as human; loud, aggressive, blunt and sarcastic. Athem just seems to know exactly how to push his buttons.

The same time it’s pretty obvious to everyone around them that Lasha still loves him and his blunter attitude is born more out of absolute trust towards Athem and lack of need to control himself and portray himself in a certain manner. basically, he acts a bit more natural with Athem.

He can also be extremely childish and playful around his childhood friend/boyfriend in a manner that resembles what he usually does only in his snake form. 

Abilities:

He is IMMENSELY strong physically, able to even damage the most powerful creature types of their world like Nephilins (Gwendolyn and Helias) or White Tigers (Rayna) He can rip humans to shreds with ease, and his claws in human form are so sharp he can cut trough metals and thick rock. 

He has four forms he can shift in between; a full human form with legs, a half-human, half-snake naga form with two variations; a “friendly” one where his human upper body looks like how he normally looks in human form, and a “demonic” look where his face turns more demonic with a snake-like jaw, no eyebrows and his hair turns inverted with colors. This form is also MUCH larger than normal, easily towering over people with being near three meters tall (not including the tail part, simply the human body) Last form is the tiny snake which is weakest, but he prefers it outside battles (or making out) as it conserves energy.

Lasha, like other demons of his kindred, has a curse he can inflict upon others; his is called “Euphoria” where he can inject or blow powerful poison on people that drives them to extreme bloodlust, or uncontrollable mad cackles that won’t stop, or other extreme types of hormonal rush or so, to the point they eventually die from too much stress put upon your body. 

Lasha can traverse trough shadows like most demons and turn invisible, and see into people’s dreams. He also has a mental link with his master, able to communicate with him wordlessly. 

He’s an excellent dancer as well and gives reeeally good massages.

Weaknesses:

Being a bound demon, he is not as powerful as he would be when freed. Like majority of dark beings, light magic is pretty effective against him.

Lasha has a demon-type specific weakness where someone using his original name from his time as a human can basically gain complete control over him, making him lose his autonomy entirely, both body and mind if the name-wielder wishes so. The only being able to override this enslavement is his Deity Belias as he always knows the human identity of his demons. Lucky for Lasha, finding out ones original name isn’t easy.

Unluckily, there is a person in his current life that knows it, though he would never use it against him voluntarily, as he loves Lasha. (Athem)

In his snake form, he is pretty vulnerable and can get badly hurt from just stepping on him. 

His past has left him with traumas, and at times he might wake up in a fit of anxiety where he is unable to speak, nor change his form from whatever it is (snake or humanoid) even if he wanted to. 

Fun facts:

- Lasha is a lil intimidated by huge ass tall people, because Mirthas’ Kingdom Bear shape-shifter guardian Cain accidentally stepped on him once. it hurt, a lot.

- He has a habit of nuzzling Azul’s hair as a form of innocent affection; it’s  a habit he developed during their first year of knowing each other.

- Lasha’s favorite people to flirt with for shits and giggles are Azul and Gwendolyn. His flirting style is very different then though, when compared to the person he actually loves; Lasha can be very well spoken and charming when flirting with peeps he’s not serious about, but with Athem he can be absolutely childish.

- His curse bases on what he felt when he first transformed into a demon; in Lasha’s case he was in the middle of a bloody battle and was enjoying it to a disturbing degree.

- Ironically, he’s actually calmer now as a demon than he was as a human, according to Athem who knew him when he was human

- Lasha’s favorite napping spot in snake form is his master’s shoulders. In human form he sleeps on Azul’s bed as it’s often unoccupied anyway due to Azul’s night-owl habits. He does also like to go and use Athem as a pillow whenever he’s available.

- The ruby pendant he wears in human form is the symbol of his contract with Azul, as it used to belong to Azul originally.

BG story in a nutshell:

Lasha was once a warrior of Arthanos, a lost Kingdom known for its dark magic and powerful warriors. He was one of the “channelers” warriors who could channel their deity’s magic power. Like every Channeler, he was paired with a normal warrior, who happened to be his childhood friend Athem. 

Athem had been in love with him since they were kids, and always tried to reign in Lasha’s violent tendencies, though rarely succeeding in it. In turn, Lasha found him an “annoying nag” or “party popping, straight-laced, goody-two-shoes bore with a stick up his ass, and not the good kind.”

Despite his harsh words, Lasha did actually return the feelings aimed at him, he just didn’t want to admit it openly.

It was Athem who was forced to banish Lasha into the dark realm once he transformed, as Lasha almost killed him. The snake didn’t really recall Athem or any of these events up until he appeared back into his new life as a Djinn.

Sometime during his demon years, Lasha was under another master who treated him horribly, thus resulting into his traumas. 

The reason why he adores his current master so much is because of his past experience, as Azul is actually decent towards him - aside from the name-calling and smacking his head when he misbehaves - which Lasha is really glad about, as part of him still yearns to be treated like a human and not a monster.

Wow.

Lot of stuff here.

I’ll update this later on likely, right now my brain is emptied out of creative juices after typing all that on the fly

Art and characters (C) Me

#my ocs #fantasy #fantasy oc #mage #dark mage #dark magican #blue hair #blue #snake #human form #info sheet #reference #character bio #familiar #demon oc #snake demon #long hair #slutnoodle #hoe oc #magician oc #master and demon #fluffy hair #male oc #big brother #big bro #big brother oc #protagonist #main oc #Lumi's art scribbles

[absentgoji]

looks like i missed DID awareness day? i had no idea it was on 05/03.

here are some questions you peeps are answering and i think it would be a good exercise to do so too, right now. then do it again maybe in a couple months.

i know you're asking each other by ask, but i dont have any followers so i will just answer them all by myself.

DID Awareness Day Questions:

What is one thing you wish everyone understood about DID? no, it is not like split , nor any other representation in media. no, its not noticeable (or, at least, not easily noticeable). people with DID are not multiple persons inside a body. people with DID are not 'survivors', 'fragmented heroes', or whatever romantic nickname you wanna call them. we are people who have to deal with a mental illness because of past trauma we wish we hadn't been through. people with DID are not doing this for attention: believe me, id rather have to deal with any other thing than not knowing myself, not being reliable. not everyone shares the same experience, each person deals with their disorder in a different way. however, DID has very specific symptoms we all do share, even if we describe it in a different way.

Are you in therapy? What is your experience with therapy like? yes. im in therapy, but i dont really find it helpful for this specific disorder in my case. i may see a different therapist soon because mine, even though they did diagnose me, has been treating the disorder tangentially. anxiety, adhd and depression were their main concerns. it took them some months to get to it, putting the pieces together (memory loss, derealization, depersonalization, distorted feeling of self, me talking about myself as if i was talking about a different person), and when they finally did, we worked directly on it just for a few months, then moved on to other things and we only get back to it occasionally.

Do you have an inner world? If you do, what is it like? i know i do have one. at this point i dont know if i made it up or if it was there from the beginning. i dont really 'go there' anymore. its nothing very logical, but more like different locations my different shades like to be at. when i talk to myself in a more active way i can usually find me (them) there. but its been a while since i last did that. i will address this in a different post.

What is communication like between you and the others? Do you have any particular systems set up to help with communication? writing. if i feel like i have something to talk about, i will write about it and probably answer to myself when i feel i have a different opinion. sometimes i will tell my friends about something and they remind me about that opinion later on. its not their work and i dont do it on purpose, but i know thats one of the ways i have of knowing what my other shades feel like. communication used to be better, but at some point i decided i did not want to have that approach to this anymore and i just stopped trying to communicate directly.

Has any conventional advice for DID ever not worked for you (journaling is unhelpful, can’t visualize an inner world, etc)? trying to make a scheme about how this works has been quite a mess, at least for me. i learnt (through tumblr, mostly) many things i had to unlearn. i learnt there were categories (protectors, etc.), and my shades didnt really fit the labels. i learnt that the same triggers make the same shades come out, but, for me, it might not happen that way. noticing stuff didnt work the way 'it was supposed to work' was harmful and i would stress so much about it. if this was supposed to be logical, it wouldnt be a disorder in the first place.

What does “safety” mean for you? feeling free to talk about me in any way i want to, not being afraid of making people feel uncomfortable or cringe, having them accept me as i am. i dont want anybody to pity me, handle me with special care nor anything. i am a normal person and i want to be treated as such.

Do you have any introjects? How do you feel about their source? How do they feel about their source? no.

Do you have any non-human alters? no

Is there anything that makes you feel like your experience with DID is “different” than what you see other people with DID talk about? all of the above, i think. also memory loss, maybe. the most common approach to it i usually get to read about is full blackout, 'alters' not knowing what others did, etc. in my case, while that can and has happened, is not the most common scenario. i dont remember if it used to be different in the past. ive been in therapy for like three years now and my memory has definitely gotten better. now i can describe three types of memory: - things i do remember. - things i dont remember, but i know. - things i dont remember, and i dont know.

Who is the most likely to get into a fight (physical or verbal?) Who’s the most likely to try to patch things up afterward? i would say my most problematic shade is purplish (i havent decided if i want to go back to using names again) and the one thats there to fix things right after is red.

Does anyone wish they could make big changes to your body’s appearance? yes. in most of my shades i identify as a woman or a nonbinary person with a feminine leaning presentation, but there are a couple of them that makes me really want to start transitioning. its pretty uncomfortable.

Choose some parts/alters and describe each in 5 words or less. i will answer to this question once i decide how i want to describe myself.

What does dissociation feel like for you? stuff happens and my brain just cant grab any thought. its hard for me to talk. im thinking about many things and none at the same time (crossed conversations). nothing is real. if im in a room, theres nothing outside the room and the walls, floor and furniture are fake. sometimes i am fake. people are not real and i can be careless about the way i talk to them because i dont believe it will have any consecuences (its a dream, right?). if dissociation is strong enough, my senses dont work well. i cant hear well, food doesnt taste like anything... (this is just my brain not being able to process whats happening, i believe).

How often do you think you switch? as of today, i have no idea. i dont usually notice the exact time i do, but some time later, when i catch myself thinking in a different way or doing someting 'out of character'.

Do any of you experience body dysphoria or dysmorphia? see number 11!

How many parts/alters do you think you have at this time? this is something i also stopped doing. it makes no sense, in my case, to try and keep count of them.

If you have younger parts/alters, what makes them happy or excited? i dont have any part that's significantly older or younger than the 'core?' one.

Do you consider yourselves to be covert or overt about having DID? covert. im really self conscious about it.

Do you experience denial often? How do you react when you experience it? all the time. i try to tell myself i have nobody to lie to, and that theres no point in pretending when theres no one around... so why would i fake it?

What grounding methods or skills work best for you? Do different skills work better for different parts/alters? relaxing, talking to someone, receiving some comfort and ignoring the fact that im dissociating are the things that work best for me. i usually check tiktok or twitter, listen to some music or talk to my partner til i feel better. if i dont, taking a shower also helps.

What does “recovery” mean for you? i dont know yet. i think 'being a single shade' is not possible for me, because i know that DID is not a disorder that can be healed, so i just hope i can learn how to live healthily this way.

#did #osdd #did awareness #some qs #idk #dissociative identity disorder

[inhibitcomic]

promoting your webcomic

someone messaged me asking for advice on promoting your webcomic and i thought it might be useful to others as well, so here are some pointers! disclaimer, this is just based on my personal experience over the last couple of years, different things work for different people etc.

never shut up about it

if you follow me on twitter, you’ll know that i talk about inhibit all the time. i like to share page wips and character drawings with my readers, but occasionally someone might stumble across them and check out the comic. i make an announcement on twitter and tumblr every time i post a new page, and then bump it a couple of times throughout the day to make sure people dont miss it*. i’ll post an illustration with a link to the comic saying “hey have you read this lately”. at the end of a scene or chapter, i’ll post a link letting people know that it’s a good time to catch up or jump on board. just talk about your comic! don’t put it down! don’t say things like “here’s my comic, it’s not very good but please check it out” because i guarantee i wont!!!! if you dont think it’s good, why should i care about it? you’re your own publicist, so dont hold back!! but also dont spam oh god!!!!! find a happy medium!!!!!!!!

*if youre going to make update announcements, include a link to the comic and some sort of teaser image! make people want to click through! i usually use a panel from that day’s page.

figure out what social media works for you

when i first started inhibit, i posted update notifications on facebook, twitter, and tumblr. i slowly realised facebook wasnt working for me; the view-to-click ratio wasnt worth the effort. so i ditched it and decided to stick solely to twitter and tumblr. you have to find where your audience is and go to them; dont expect readers to make a tumblr account just to follow your blog for news.

engage with readers

you dont have to be everyone’s best friend, but replying to readers’ comments on the site or answering their questions on social media is a nice way to build your audience’s loyalty. it’s always nice to get feedback on something youve worked on, and from a reader perspective, it’s nice to know the creator of a thing you like isnt a jerk! if someone shares fanart with your or just messages you to let them know theyre enjoying the comic, thank them! retweet or reblog it! maybe it’ll encourage someone else to check out your work!

link your comic everywhere

if a potential new reader cant easily find a link, theyre not going to read your comic. very few people will actively search out a hidden link. put it in your tumblr description, your twitter bio, your blog sidebar, your facebook page, whatever, plaster it everywhere. make it super easy for casual readers to find.

participate in community events

there are lots of weekly twitter hashtags where comic creators answer a series of questions and discuss aspects of comic-making. #comicbookhour, #comictalk, and #webcomicchat are just a few of them. in your introduction tweet at the start of every event, put a link to your comic, a brief description, and at least one promotional image or page from your comic. make it easy at a glance to understand what your comic’s about and what it looks like!

if you’re hosting your site on something like comicfury and smackjeeves, get involved on the forums and meet people that way!

things like inktober and hourly comic day are a great way to get involved in the creative community too, ive found a lot of new artists (and therefore, their comics too!) this way. make friends, support each other, be nice; webcomics is a small community. we gotta stick together.

make guest art for other comics

if you have a friend who makes a comic, why not offer to do guest art for them? i absolutely love guest art for two reasons: one, i get to draw something cool for a pal whose work i enjoy. two, free advertising!! and don’t forget to return the favour and let them do guest art for you!

link to other comics

one of my favourite ways to promote other people is to include a link to their work on a “comics i recommend” section of my site. this can be a section on the sidebar or a separate page (mine’s on the extras page) and i personally love checking out comics recommended by people whose work i enjoy. this isn’t really a “how to promote your comic” tip; unless you do a link exchange or something, you cant guarantee someone will put your comic on their site. it’s just a nice thing to do, and it’s nice when someone does link to you! i dunno! i like promoting my friends!!

make a mirror site

if you’re hosting your own site, the only visitors you’re going to get are ones you funnel there yourself. a good way to grow your audience is to upload your comic on a mirror site that has a built-in audience, like webtoon*. this is a great way to tap into a huge market of new readers with very little effort. every time you update, your comic gets bumped to the top of a “just updated” feed, and readers can subscribe for updates so your comic will appear in their list of favourites. ive found mirror sites a great way to connect with readers who might never have found the comic otherwise! however, these sort of sites are very “sticky”; it’s very hard to redirect readers away from these sites onto your main site. still, be sure to include links to all your other social media; i usually include mine at the bottom of each update.

*make sure you know your audience. i originally put inhibit on webtoon as full pages, just like on the main site. however, most webtoon readers use the mobile app, so i adapted the entire comic into a mobile format. i immediately got a lot more readers. i definitely recommend sticking to a panel-by-panel format if you’re going to mirror there! plus, when you hit certain page view milestones, they pay you!

put your comic on TopWebComics

topwebcomics is a site where users can vote daily for their favourite webcomics. stick your comic up there (be sure to include a banner and description) and you can get a decent number of views from people browsing the rankings.

pay for adverts??

if you don’t mind spending a bit of money, project wonderful is a good way to expand your audience. the site takes some getting used to but it lets you bid on advertising spots on other webcomics and sites that might have the audience you’re after. personally, i don’t use adverts, but if it works for you then go for it!

make flyers

if you want to get away from the computer, why not knock up some flyers? your local comic book shop might agree to leave a few on the counter (ive done this at forbidden planet), or bring them to cons to hand out to people. you can get a whole bunch printed cheaply online!

most importantly: don’t expect success overnight

it can be disheartening when you dont feel you’re getting the attention you deserve for the time and effort you’ve invested in bringing your comic to life. but (most) everyone starts off as an unknown. i started posting inhibit in january 2015 and it’s taken me almost three years to get the point im at now. maybe you’ll get super lucky and find an audience immediately, but more likely than not you’ll have to just put in the hours. have fun!! make your comic for yourself first and foremost; when your audience arrives, it’ll just be the icing on the cake.

i hope this helps!! :V

#asks #info #2023 update edit: i made this post in 2017 #it is extremely out of date now and stuff like topwebcomics and the hashtag events arent really relevant anymore #so please take everything i say here with a grain of salt!!

[cyrelia-j]

[Ficlet] A Gift for my Darling IV (mirror Garak/Bashir/Parmak)

Somehow this thing got plot-y. When it's all said and done I'll likely clean it up and throw it on AO3 in a more proper setting but sometimes I kinda regard Tumblr as like my own personal kink meme or something.

Previous parts are here:

One, Two, Three

Summary: [Dark slavefic] Julian Bashir was given to the mad Doctor Parmak as a present by his lover Garak and altered in ways that he'd find horrifying if he still had all his memories and feelings. As time has gone on Garak has to his dismay become a bigger part of the picture than he'd like. Why can't his life just be simple?

WARNINGS: non consensual body modification, body horror, slave fic, dark, mentions of violence and torture, jut some weird shit, explicit sexual content both consensual and rape/non con (I’m putting the non con warning extra here because Julian’s [unreliable] narration expresses mainly acceptance/joy about his current situation and events but it’s important to note that it's only because his mind/self has been altered into it not because he actually is/was able to consent to anything done to him), also kind of OOC that’s explained and it’s mirror universe but still yeah OOC although Mirror Julian is still a prick

For those still with me:

Julian drops the body at Garak’s feet making him jump. He stretches languidly with a loud exaggerated purr of satisfaction. “Guls! Are you trying to kill me with a heart attack now?” Garak asks looking up from the couch. It’s newly bolted down to the floor which Julian finds a bit disappointing but he has other ways to amuse himself with Garak. Doctor Parmak had scolded them both and said that the officers below were complaining about the noise. Julian asked if they couldn’t just fucking kill them and be done with it. But no, his doctor said that he and Garak (Julian laughed when Garak was included in that lecture) had to learn to have more consideration for the others on the station. Garak found some reason to have them executed a few weeks later- collusion with the Terran rebels, Julian thinks- but Doctor Parmak still ordered all the living room furniture bolted down. Julian had sulked but Garak decided to be unusually nice about it. It was a bit of a let down really.

Julian had thought perhaps with the noise complaint he might instead be permitted to spend more time with Doctor Parmak but again, the three of them just ended up moving to a larger suite of rooms. Julian doesn’t care for the smell. There’s lingering Klingon but it’s been lessening they more they use the rooms. Julian’s been spending more time out anyway. Doctor Parmak had praised him for leading them all right to the would be escapees although he admitted to his doctor later that he really had just been looking for him since The Intendant’s soiree was such a miserable affair and Garak wasn’t even playing with him or paying him any attention. Nonetheless, Doctor Parmak thought he might be able to amuse himself by monitoring the conduits and other station ducts. 

He was right, Julian has been having a bloody marvelous time. He’s made a game of it really- he mentally marks off certain “kill zones” and then waits until he sees rats scurrying about in them. At first it was merely Terrans trying to conduct some secret business here and there. But then he noticed something interesting; the Terrans had gotten wise to something up in the conduits and had taken to occasionally lure Cardassians or Klingons into them as well on the off chance that it might prove beneficial. Julian doesn’t discriminate when it comes to the kill zones. That’s what makes the game fun after all. It makes little different to him if the rats might also happen to be lizards. Though he makes sure to gift the Cardassians to Doctor Parmak; Garak doesn’t seem to appreciate being presented with the bodies of his underlings.

Julian kneels next to Garak’s legs and puts his head on his lap looking up. “Brought you a pressie,” he half sings, mouth shut, curved into a wide grin. “This ‘un wasn’t fast enough. Got ‘im by the leg then the throat. Would you like to know what I heard before I broke up their little party?” He shuts his eyes as Garak pets his head absently. “For all the good it will do since I can’t act on any of your information without compromising your spying,” Garak grumbles. “I know this one,” he says looking down at the Terran with a sneer. “He stepped on my boot once. I thought I had him killed,” he murmured absently. “Memory must be slipping in your old age, Garak. You know what they say goes next.” Garak kicks him off and Julian swats at him- carefully of course. He wouldn’t want to upset Doctor Parmak by drawing blood. Again. 

“They’ve got someone in communication with the Terran rebels in the badlands. Think I might be able to ferret out who if I make contact with them.” “Yes, I’m sure they’d be all too delighted to share their plans with the creature murdering their colleagues.” Julian shrugs. Garak’s insults don’t particularly bother him they way they used to. “They’re going to take the station sooner or later.” “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Garak says with another look to the body. He stands up and gives it a good kick. “Because soon enough we’re going to have a way to find their bases.” Julian snorts looking under the sofa for the puzzle he’d been messing with earlier that morning.

“You couldn’t find eternal life with the fucking philosopher’s stone, Garak.” He gives a long catlike stretch, admiring his shiny new arms as he does. Garak had been in a mood after the prisoners escaped before. He’s thrown Julian’s arms into the smelter. Julian really had tried to rip his throat out with his teeth then. Julian likes these better. They’re lighter, they’re stronger, and he can see his reflection in the plates of them. Doctor Parmak said he was working on a synthetic skin for them too but Julian likes them the way they are. They’re beautiful. He likes switching the claws in and out.

“Don’t,” Garak warns just as Julian is about to drag them across the carpet. He rolls his eyes but obeys. “Then why don’t you give me something to do around here? Doctor Parmak can always find me something.” “You’re not spying on the Terrans. Besides, with the guest The Intendant has coming, they won’t be an issue much longer.” “Guest?” Julian asks feeling Garak start to pet up his back, pushing under his shirt. Oh that feels so nice. “Sisko’s ex wife,” Garak crows, giving Julian little scratches. Julian fucking melts. Doctor Parmak was insistent that there was something that Garak was hiding which he wouldn’t dream of sharing with his lover. Julian didn’t understand why his doctor thought that Garak would share vital operations with Julian if he wouldn’t tell him. 

But Doctor Parmak knew better and as Garak sits cross legged on the floor and continues petting him he really does tell Julian everything that he needs to know. Christ, Garak is just as fucking stupid as Julian’s always thought. His doctor is right. The Terrans will definitely want this information. A sensor array that can detect their bases would crush the rebellion where it stands. Sisko is already dead and the resistance will crumble with another blow like that. Julian purrs, rolling onto his side when Garak rolls him, his fingers playing with the sensitive scar tissue of his neck. It hurts when Garak does it too hard but he does it nice and soft this time telling him what a good kitty he is. Julian would sooner die than admit it but he might actually miss Garak a bit when they’re gone...

“You’re really going through with this?” Garak asks him with an incredulous look. Parmak leans down and turns off the sleeping Julian’s hearing. Garak only takes a moment before his eyes narrow. “And of course your pet told you everything.” Parmak shoots him a small smile. “People will say things in front of animals that they wouldn’t dream of otherwise.” He answers slowly starting to unbraid his hair. Garak watches the ritual the way he always has. “He’s not actually a cat, Kelas. I’m well aware that anything I say in front of him will go straight back to you.” Which then begs the question of why he told him in the first place. “You’ve done something to him to cause that sort of loose tongued relaxation, haven’t you?”

“Really, what haven’t I done to him? Or you... or even myself for that matter. You act as if I wouldn’t willingly sacrifice my own body for science either…” Parmak sighs and starts to unfasten his tunic. “Does it matter Elim?” Parmak stops and looks at Garak’s mouth thoughtfully. “Oh! That reminds me, you really ought to be careful about kissing him. A cat’s mouth is an unfortunate hotbed of bacteria.” Garak puts his fingers to his mouth. Sometimes they tingle when he and Julian are rough. Sometimes they burn. Now that he thinks about it… “Ulcartic virus,” Kelas supplies with a twitch of his shoulder mimicking a Terran shrug.

“Are you insa-?!” Garak immediately stops before completing that word seeing Parmak freeze. Parmak has always been somewhat sensitive about it. Garak clears his throat. “I might question your choice of modification in this instance,” he continues carefully. “You’re probably well on your way to being immune now if you aren’t already, though you do have my apologies for the illnessness you’ve suffered these past months.” Garak could complain, but he knows it’s futile. He isn’t certain that Parmak is actually capable of really feeling things like guilt. “I think it’s been quite an effective inoculation, myself.” 

Of course. Because Parmak didn’t have Julian biting, sucking, spit swapping and a million other things; despite what he says, Parmak would have been far more careful with his own body. “You’re welcome,” Parmak adds as an afterthought. “You were saying about my leaving though?” “You’re going to get us all killed,” Garak says flatly. Parmak laughs. “Mmm, no, that’s where you’re mistaken. I thought I explained it to you but perhaps you weren’t listening which was an oversight on my part I’m sure. I’m sure I shouldn’t tell you these things mid coitus. But really Elim, you’re so insatiable, when should I say them to you?”

The tunic slides from his shoulders and Parmak is right. Garak is already painfully heated by him. But Garak isn’t the one who’s insatiable. “Just because your lusts are limitless Kelas, I don’t see why you need to infect the rest of us with your Northerner’s disease.” “Don’t be such a bigot. It’s unbecoming of you. I know you all look down on us, Garak. You all find us weak because we lack your discipline of mind but you know. I like to think that we have something you Southerners lack.” Parmak pulls the undershirt off and faces him about to unfasten his trousers- but then he stops with a tilt of his head. 

Parmak watches Garak shift on the seat and he smiles, pleased at the efficacy of his little modifications. Garak really shouldn’t have invited him to share his bed so freely if he didn’t want to embrace the risk. That Garak should expect to remain in Parmak’s presence unconscious, asleep, or otherwise incapacitated, believing himself safe simply because Parmak has kept him alive far longer than any of his other lovers is laughable. Parmak has always seen the world as an endless source of things  for him to play with; whether they want it or not.

“Undress me, Elim,��� he says softly with a flick of his tongue. “I think I’ve serviced you enough the last few months that it wouldn’t be untoward to expect a bit out of you in return.” Parmak waits for Garak to get on his knees and start unfastening the trousers in his place. Garak is quick, his fingers shaking as he tries to go faster. Whatever Parmak has done to him in the last few weeks, months (for all he knows the “medicine” Parmak gave to treat his “minor cold may have been it) it’s effective. “Mmm, I do adore you, Elim. You’re ambitious but not too ambitious. You’re smart but not too smart.” 

Parmak looks down at him with a gentle pet to his hair. He pushes his spectacles up. He doesn’t need to wear them any longer but he enjoys them. He enjoys the slow shuffle down the hall as the officers defer to him- as they get out of the way of the fragile old man like he was a Legate. That’s another one of Parmaks little games that he enjoys. “And you love my hair, don’t you?” It drops down his back in a fall of white, like the desert of Nokar Garak will sometimes say when he’s feeling poetic. Garak likes to hold Parmak’s hair hard while he fucks him.

“What are you planning Kelas?” Garak gasps sliding trousers down, mouth to the swollen damp scales of his ajan. “Do you promise that you’ll listen this time? I should hate to have to repeat myself though I know it’s not quite your fault I…” Parmak hisses as Garak’s tongue laps at his slit. “Don’t stop,” he rushes as Garak’s wide palms hold his hips. Garak doesn’t stop. Garak licks him again, feeling the swell of those sensitive tissues dampen his lips, feeling the tentative tip of Parmak’s prUt kissing back to his tongue. Garak sucks at it, drawing it out further, Parmak whimpering with a few stutters starts to speak. “Tss… ssss…. Hsss…” Garak feels his legs tremble, and his body may have been engineered thirty years back to its prime but he still shakes helpless when Garak puts his mouth on him or when Garak holds him down and drives into him deep. Garak might not be the genius that Parmak is, but he’s cunning where it counts and more importantly, he knows his old friend’s biggest weaknesses. He loves exploiting them ruthessly.

“Elim,” Parmak pleads, and Garak feels his knees start to buckle, feel him start to sink down, Parmak’s prUt hard, wet, almost fully everted to his mouth. Yes, he knows Parmak’s weakness alright. “Please Elim, please I need you I can’t… please fuck me please fuck me…” It’s laughable. “Please Guls I can’t-” “Oh but I thought you were going to relay the plan again for me- because I’m nowhere near your level of intellect, Doctor Parmak.” Garak sucks him hard, one hand fumbling with the buttons of his trousers. Parmak definitely did something to him because he’s not usually this immediately hard, half everted by Parmak’s taste on his tongue and his scent in the air- not unless it’s by his own design which this definitely is not. He only hopes his prUt still looks halfway normal... Ah Guls, what does it matter if he can still stick it in Parmak’s tight little ass? 

“Elim you… you knew… you knew all a…ahhh long…” Of course he did. Garak’s memory is flawless. He knows the plan. He knows that Parmak plans to give the rebels the information that he’s been trying to work out of Garak the last two weeks. He has every intention of seeing the station fall and allying with the rebels or letting them fall right into some trap so that Garak can look like a grand hero and The Intendant an incompetent keeper who needs to be replaced. And either way it saves his own miserable hide though he swears that Elim is every part of the plan. Garak isn’t so sure that he trusts him on that but- “Beg me, Kelas,” Garak rasps leaving Parmak’s trousers around his knees. His thumbs slowly circles Parmak’s chuva, dark, ridges around it flushed and swollen watching his prUt twitch, spilling sticky fluid down the tip helplessly. Parmak half collapses on top of him unbalanced and Garak shoves him backwards to the floor.

“Please… please Elim I-” “You can do better than that, Nokaran slut,” Garak hisses at him. If this is going to be one of their last encounters for a while Garak is going to make sure that Parmak doesn’t forget it any time soon. He can see the heave of Parmak’s chest excited, eager, one hand already tugging his trousers off hurriedly. His body is soft, little definition about it, having always been slim, his legs long and skinny, that small roll of stomach there in middle age all tender and delightful beneath Garak’s mouth- a typical useless scientist body really but… something about his form as a whole, about his eyes, his mouth, that obscene fall of desert white hair... 

Or better still, the sight of Parmak turned around his knees presenting for him, showing the deep pink of his filthy little hole for Garak to violate, those eyes slitted and lusty for him, that mouth open panting his name… it’s always undone him. “I need you Elim… I need you to fuck me… I need your prUt in me… I…” “Go on, slut,” Garak crawls over to him a fistful of that long thick hair, eyes swinging over the dark scales around his spine, the dark gray puffy ridges of his neck his shoulders, those weak arms trembling. “Should I make you ride me or should I take you like a bitch? My, Kelas, however do you plan on managing months… years possibly without my prUt buried deep inside you?”

Parmak opens his mouth to answer and Garak reaches forward thrusting his fingers in it roughly. “Are you going to let your little pet fuck you? Are you going to get on your knees like this for your cat and let it mount you?” Parmak sucks his fingers, biting down, teeth scraping, Garak shoving them in so far in return that he nearly gags until Garak takes them away. That extra bit of mucus makes them so nice and wet, so slick that Garak slides them both in his hole so easily. 

“You don’t need to lie to me, doctor,” Garak sneers. “Oh you’ll tell yourself that you would never lower yourself to lie with an animal. You’ll tell yourself that the wise and venerable Doctor Kelas Parmak is above such things, but I know you, Kelas and I know what a dirty Northerner slut you are.” Garak drills fingers into him, Parmak rocking back fast, frantic, keening, begging Garak for his prUt, begging for that dirty human word “cock” begging for his “prick”, begging him to fuck him any way he likes and Garak twists his fingers, feeling him clench, seeing his shoulders drop, knowing that Parmak's forearms are crossed, head bowed, chufa rubbing as he bites his lip hard.

“Elim…” hitching high, half strangled, pleading. Parmak is ready for him. Parmak is always ready for him. Garak withdraws his fingers and sucks them off loudly, letting his slick hard prUt slide over that hole. “Yes, just like this, my dear. I don’t give you more than a week without my cock before you’re sucking your little pet off in desperation for release.” “D… Ts... damn you…” Garak teases that greedy little hole letting just the tip suck in, out, hearing Parmak half sobbing as Garak just lets that wide glans open him wider. He’s right; and that’s why Parmak doesn’t even try to deny it. Because if there is one weakness that the Alliance’s most brilliant, most gifted, most deviant and depraved doctor has it’s sex; it’s being fucked. It’s being held down, drilled, pounded so raw, so hard that he can’t even breathe… Just like this.

And Garak is the best at it.

(Part 5 now up here)

#star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #ds9 fanfic #mirror universe #dark and twisted #Julian Bashir #kelas parmak #elim garak #Garak/Bashir/Parmak #see warnings #fanfic #cyrelia-j

[xsilentthoughtsxlouddreamsx]

Bonjour!

Hello everyone! My name is Shi, nice to meet you. This blog is entirely committed to learning french. Here i will post study material and paragraphs in french to help me with french vocabulary retention. Really most things posted will be novice level and will be mostly basic material like phrases and most common verbs, nouns, household items places etc. This blog is beginner friendly and critique friendly :). Occasionally, ill post my learning goals and what study habits i use to help me stay committed, on track, and motivated to learn french.

About me 

Shi again. yea hi :) Im mid 20′s and i enjoy the idea of knowing another language lol. i imagine myself knowing more than one language and im making an effort to learn french using any comfortable means necessary. I dream of traveling and becoming someone who is good at speaking and understanding many languages, a polyglot if you will. Last year i studied dutch, Spanish, and Japanese and guess what? I only retained one language (Spanish, in terms of communication and reading on a basic lvl). Unfortunately because i decided to study 3 at once i had to take a step back, SLOW DOWN, and TAKE MY TIME. Also, that whole experiment made me change the way i practice language learning and retention. This year i plan only to focus on french, using new helpful methods to help me learn more efficiently. I feel that if i can find a learning foundation for french, i could use it as an blueprint for learning, speaking, and communicating in other languages im interested in learning. I’ve always used tumblr for trash meme’s, appealing aesthetics, and funny ass debauchery but here i am, blogging for study purpose or interaction purposes lololol. Anyway, we’ll see how this blog turns out. I got like 5 tumblrs lol and i only really use 3 of them including this one. I really hope some good practice will come from this and and that i can stick with this blog for at least a year.

Polyglot community

I literally just discovered y'all like last year and omg i wish i did sooner. The amount of information y’all put out is so dang helpful. I have a hard time coming up with study ideas and language learning habits and goals. I see questions i have on here all the time but are too damn lazy to log onto reddit and post. Im looking for this blog to become big hit, but i am expecting it to help at least one person. Its nice to see the dedication you all have towards learning another language and i got to tell you, seeing other people on their journey and making progress really gets me motivated. I often try to do anything and every thing on my own but iv learned that you really need some for of communication in your target language to make any kind of positive progress towards comprehension and communication. Communicating with others on the same language learning journey as me will be complete new. Im sure somewhere down the line i will begin to start making internet friends, will will also be something new and scary to me. Anyway, i am excited to see what this blog bring me whether its friends, study habits or just general blogging satisfaction.

My goals

My goals are trash right now but hopefully as this blog grows i can add meaningful goals that will improve my fluency in my target language.

learn most common phrases

learn most common nouns

learn most common verbs

learn most common  adverbs

learn most common conjunctions 

learn most common prepositions

learn most common pronouns

learn most common determiners

learn 500 french words

forming basic questions

learn 15 most common verbs in present tense 

So these are like default basic goals that most people are aiming for but there are more goals i eventually plan to add once i interact with the community more and find other beneficial goals worth aiming for to reach basic fluency.

This was a basic introduction for this blog. When this blog gets a little more continent  ill update this post of perhaps make a new one with more stuff. anyway, this is pretty much it. Expect more language learning content in the next few days. Bienvenue and Enjoy!

#bonjour #hello #introductions #about me #my goals #french #frenchblr #langblr #studyblr

[nardaviel]

tagged by @cupkayke​ :o (SORRY i just noticed the tag didn’t work when i first posted this asl;jkfasdf)

Rule: Tag nine followers you’d like to know better.

Name: libby

Star sign: taurus

Average hours of sleep: 9-12 tbh

Lucky number: 4 because when i was like 11 or 12 i found it showing up a lot in my life so i was like hm, i guess if i believed in lucky numbers 4 would be it. and so now its 4. also something about it is pleasing to me

Last thing I googled: "steve bannon gold farming” because my dad told me but i couldnt quite believe it

Favourite Fictional Character: literally too many to list. from boueibu which is my current fandom, en+atsushi+kinshirou. from death note and dragon age, previous fandoms that ive been on tumblr for, light and L, and then ...?!?!?! too many to list from dragon age alone. if i HAD to choose a favorite from each game it would be sten, fenris, and dorian

What are you wearing right now: polka dot pajama pants, the shirt from this selfie, white socks w/ cute colored stripes on the bottom

When did you start this blog: i think i had to look this up for another of these things (or maybe the same thing lmao maybe ive done this meme before) and iirc the answer was early 2012

What do I post:  fandom stuff and miscellaneous things that i like. occasional personal posts which have better than even odds of getting deleted soon afterward

Do I run any more blogs: i have a writing blog? the 2015 advent calendar blog is a sideblog but i havent touched it since december 2015

Do I get a lot of asks: nah. i would say i get a moderate amount of tumblr IMs but thats not really the same

Why did I choose this URL: when i was 13(12? 14? idk smth like that) i decided that i wanted to have one username i could use everywhere. i was into tolkien at the time so i looked up words in the back of the silmarillion, stuck them together, snipped off the end of one so that i liked it better, and then stuck -viel on the end because in my head that made it sound like an elf womans name. and thus was born nardaviel, or “fire shadow elf” in bastardized elvish. i would change it now but its my username everywhere and its pretty as long as u dont know the embarrassing backstory. also theres no chance anyone will have taken it before me on any new website i go to

...im tagging @serurianouji @lidoxia @vashtijoy @otakushrew and anyone else who wants to do it idk i dont want to think of 9 people

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #meme