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subparcarrion · 2 months

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CW//TW: kinda vent, discussion of tics and tic attacks (and some of the aftermath for me), discussion of high stress and anxiety situations, cussing/cursing, discussion of physical pain, discussion of pills.

(ACTUAL POST UNDER CUT.)

So... yeah,,,

Tic attacks, gonna have to go with ☆☆☆☆☆/★★★★★ (0/5). Especially at close to four in the morning at a sleepover.

Not really sure why I'm deciding to put it out on the internet, but I guess I wanna talk about it or smth. And with March break and my crippling social anxiety the closest I've come to talking about it irl is a quick "that was kinda traumatic ngl" to a close friend over text.

In retrospect it makes sense, it's the most stressed I've been in a while now paired with a lot of just having to be constantly "on" and feeling scared to say no.

For context I did a pseudo babysitting job for a family friend from around mid afternoon to nearly midnight. I then decided to go a sleepover with my friends late since they had been kind enough to move the date so I could attend. (Probably not the best idea for the future who has a bad anxiety disorder and probably a lot of other stuff, but when have I ever said no.)

The job itself was pretty stressful but the kid and her mom's are super nice and did their best to accommodate me, so that was really nice. (They also paid me really well when I would have honestly done if for free so I'm not gonna complain. Anything bad was kinda just unavoidable considering it was me who was doing the job.)

Im also not really gonna bitch about the sleepover too much, my friends are lovely, the timing just made things rough.

Since I was arriving so late we hung out for like an hour and then went to bed (at least tried to go to bed), a lot of tha time was just kinda spent getting ready for bed though. There's nothing wrong with that, I just ended up feeling a little like I had missed out on the best part of stuff. (Again, no one else's fault.)

Everyone else fell asleep pretty quick, however I was not tired at all. It wasn't unexpected though, going from one high stress situation to another doesn't really let you let your guard down. Let alone feel properly sleepy.

So I just kinda did some stuff on my phone for thirty minutes to see if I would get tired and then decided to finally turn in for the night still very much all to aware of everything.

At this point it's probably important to mention that everyone in my froend group has at least a passing interest in a game called "The Stanley Parable". And if you didn't know you can go into an elevator in that game, and it kinda just plays this goofy elevator music in loup until you leave.

It is thus tradition in my friend group to play the elevator music while we fall asleep at any and all sleepovers where it is possible and everyone is chill with it.

The elevator is kinda some basic lyricless pop-ish kinda techno song where you can occasionally, if you listen closely enough hear the narrator hum along with the tune. The song itself is a certified banger, but I was stressed as fuck and hyperaware of everything. It was safe to say it was driving me crazy, especially the humming part.

I didn't really have any means to turn it off though and I would feel bad doing it. After all, I had agreed to it any it would be distruptful to try since it was super late and the room was pretty packed. To move around too much would probably wake someone up. (Wow, foreshadowing or smth.)

I never really got to sleep and it was around late three in the morning, nearly four when shit really started to hit the fan.

(Another bout of context before I continue: so I've had what I'm just calling tics at this point for about a year now, maybe a bit longer. At least that's when they started getting really noticeable and causing real problems for me. Personally for me it's mostly motor ticks that get much worse in stressful situations. Stressful situations being an iffy description that could cover pretty much anything on acount of the anxiety disorder. Albeit over time it has developed into mostly motor ticks with occasional verbal ones.

I can have periods where they are happening very few times a day and then ones where they are happening several times a minute, either way they never really go away. I had been doing pretty good tick wise before this whole ordeal, now it's definitely leaning towards the worse, more disruptive and painful side.)

It started off with a ciuple of my usual motor tics, getting more and more aggressive very quickly. For the most part these would consist of things like my shoulders jumping up and hitting the vase of my head and neck or my hands doing weird shit.

By the time the verbal tics started the motor tics were so aggressive and frequent they were getting pretty painful. This would be the same time I would start making small squeaks as a verbal tick.

It became pretty clear after that this wasn't stopping any time soon so I sat up and used my pillow to cover my mouth in hopes to muffle the noise so I wouldn't wake anyone.

This was the point where something changed and my tics got the worst they'd ever been. It went from squeaks to small screams and loud grunts. And I was just sitting there in pain scared out of my mind for nearly and hour before the noise finally woke up my friends. Cuz despite all my effort a pillow can't hide constant screaming for very long.

When my friends woke up they were reasonably concerned, they knew I had tics that could occasionally get kinda bad but this was the worst it had been, and I could barely explain through the ticks that it had been going on for about an hour. There was definitely no way I was calming them down, and in all fairness I was freaking out too and they handled the whole shitshow remarkably well.

They probably spent twenty minutes or more trying to calm me down or help, but nothing was working, in fact it might have been getting worse. One of my friends also tried Google-ing it, but Google pretty much said drug him or ignore them were feasible options for yours truly, the little bitch boy.

My friend eventually got their mom and I regained enough control to pack my shit and got driven home. I downed as much sleeping and pain meds as I was allowed to take and continued ticking until I passed out.

Idk,,, not a particularly entertaining story, ig I just wanted to get it out somewhere.

As for me right now, it's been two days and I can't go five minutes without some sort of tic at most.

However, I'm feeling somewhat better, even if my neck hurts like shit.

I suppose that's all, thanks for listening to me bitch and moan tumblr. <33 /p

-carrion_

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generic-whumperz · 1 month

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OC in 3

Choose 3 pics to represent your OC

Oops, I got overly excited and made 10 three-picture collages

Omg thank you @mj-iza-writer for the tag! I am honored that I came to mind! 🥹

No pressure (& open to anyone interested!) tag: @rainydaywhump @eatyourdamnpears @clairelsonao3 @dresden-syndrome @lights-out-knives-out @snakebites-and-ink

Soooo, I know I’m supposed only to pick three pics, but honestly, I simply cannot (I know, no surprise there). I have been wanting to do a vibe photo dump for The Aid (the Whumpee & title of the story) but have yet to do it (hello, my ever-expanding Pinterest boards), so I’ll take this chance to explore The Aid’s past phases he’s gone through (pre & post-Wyatt {Whumper #2}) and give some explanations because it’s a lot. However, I don’t know if explanations are necessary for this tag game, but I’m famously too much, so of course, I’m going to over-explain myself because of my crippling fear of being misunderstood!

Ironically (ironic because his real name reveal doesn't come until around chapter 25-ish), I call his time with Madame Eleanor (technical Whumper #1) his “Aid Era” because that’s when he becomes this character we are introduced to and currently know him as. Yet, this is the part of his life he is phasing out of. **Insert something-something about being haunted by your past.**

In the current storyline, he is going through a succession of more changes, and his world is about to be turned upside down yet again, but I’ll hold off on showing those for now because they’re spoilers, and I have more than enough here!

Starting from the top, here we goooo—

P.S. The people in these pics are not what the characters look like, this is simply vibes only!

Day 1

1. As soon as The Aid arrives at his new home, Madame Eleanor gets custom-made Gucci uniforms made for him that looks like this. This is his go-to everyday attire. (I spent too long looking at scrubs and hospitality uniforms on and off for over a month—tell me you like it and think it’s cool and sleek.)

2. He has a special built-in in his closet specifically for all his fancy, jewel-encrusted collars Madame Eleanor gifted him throughout the years, but this is what the facility's standard-issue collar looks like for his designation (Grand Servant: Domestic Aid).

3. His favorite Prada frames Madame Eleanor also got him that he bitches reminisces about in Chapter 6 (Wyatt breaks them because he’s an asshole, leaving him straight up blind for several months).

Fancy Threads

Eleanor Sullivan was a Rich Bitch™️ (I will make a separate post at some point about her house and The Aid’s room specifically because I spent way too much time obsessing over these deets), so best believe she had her servant dressed to the 9s in designer fits when out and about or for Family events and the like. She may also put him in a butler uniform from time to time when they were hosting a party at their residence—which was often, Eleanor was known for her soirées. (To clarify, he’d still wear a collar even when dressed up, and all those attending knew who and what he was.)

The Host

He loved a good party just as much as Eleanor did! He likes serving and seeing people have fun and enjoy themselves (people-pleasing empath). He was known for his food displays and had a knack for creating a proper afternoon tea spread that garnered attention from all those present. I also have Pinterest boards of some appetizer spreads and cool drink tables he would put together because I was really trying to understand him as a character.

Speaking of Empath…

We can’t talk about him without bringing up his not-so-secret secret! Lil’ homie has a gang of abilities (telepathic empathy, hyper intuition, premonitions, and psychometry) just bubbling up inside him at all times. His relationship with himself and his sixth senses is complicated, to say the least—he finds them burdensome, yet he cannot function without them, despite how much he argues otherwise. It’s a whole thing, but for a certified Telepathic-Empath™️, he sure is dead inside (which only gets worse after Wyatt OFC).

*Sorry for the shitty upload quality of the Emotional Sponge, idk why it looks so bad!

Domestic Duties

Not only can he slap together the best charcuterie board you’ve ever seen and easily untangle Christmas lights, but he’s also a man who can cook, clean, and keep a house. What can’t he do?

Hobbies? Interests?

Don’t be ridiculous, he didn’t have time for leisure activities! But when he had some occasional downtime, he would spend an ungodly amount of it doing facials and grooming himself. He also loved to go to the spa with Madame Eleanor. As far as reading went, he wasn’t into novels, but he would occasionally peruse short-story myths and legends, old fables, or read picture books in funny voices to Eleanor’s grandchildren. Primarily, he’d like to read trashy magazines, comics, and cookbooks. But let’s be real, he considered cleaning, gossiping, and baking his primary hobbies.

RIP Madame Eleanor Sullivan

(She’s been dead for about a year and a half when they story picks up)

First and foremost—above everything else—The Aid was Eleanor Sullivan’s literal live-in medically trained caregiver, which is why she bought him in the first place. They had a very close relationship for five years, and he did everything for her. When she died, his world was shattered, and he took her death really hard. Wyatt was jealous of his Mother’s relationship with her servant from day one, which is where part of his animosity comes from. Quick note—Eleanor was a posh, vintage-Chanel-wearing Grandma and would never be caught dead wearing a bathrobe outside. Eleanor was Queen of being That Bitch.

Enter: Wyatt Sullivan

These pics are pretty tame all things considered, but after Eleanor’s death, The Aid is now in a World O’ Hurt and the subject of Wyatt’s drug-and-alcohol-fueled rage. The Aid went from a high-class servant loved by his Madame and respected by her friends, associates, and family (besides Wyatt) to a human punching bag overnight. The beef between these two runs deep and maybe Eleanor isn’t as innocent as she seems. Stick around and you’ll find out all the Sullivan family tea.

To: Wyatt

Just some memes directed towards Wyatt and The Aid being painfully aware of his shitty situation (I got too many of these and had to sprinkle some in).

Where We’re at Now…

Quite the fall from grace, wouldn’t you say? Our boy is currently bed-ridden and zombified while having the worst time imaginable. He’s drugged up, fucked up, and can’t move half of his body! But don’t be fooled, this stay-cation is no fluffy recovery arc and you’ll meet some more distasteful Sullivans soon to come!

This took me an embarrassing amount of time to assemble, but I went the extra mile because this doubles as a reference guide. I had a lot of fun making this and I may make more (and way more chill ones that are just three pics, I swear) after I write Part 2 and introduce a gang of other characters alongside my most favorite-favorite guy!

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finalmoment · 1 year

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cw: discussions of childhood trauma, child abuse, eating disorders, and suicide.

i dont think brad and luida were perfect, or even exemplary, caretakers for vash. this is partially a perspective rooted in theories about trauma (especially childhood trauma) -- but like, clearly they imprison him for months. he's a young child fresh from an incredibly traumatic event that he feels personally responsible for. he has no family, his brother used him and hurt him, his adopted mother is dead, and he wants to die. and his first experience with humans is, functionally, them going "uh i guess you might be okay but we don't quite trust you, there's just something about you that means we have to keep you right here in this one room and not let you leave" and vash just accepts this. he's too tired, and he hates himself too much, to question it, and in some ways it must make sense to him bc he did do something terrible, so they shouldn't trust him.

and then, whether intentionally or not, luida ties his worth to his ability to be useful. "there has to be something only you can do," she says, and that would maybe work if vash's problems started and ended with feeling useless, but they don't. there's so much more going on. he's called monstrous by the other humans on ship three; he sees himself as monstrous already. the only reason he can't kill himself is because he's being monitored and also because he's handcuffed, like, constantly at this point. he spends well over 4 months in what is basically solitary confinement -- a period of time and a tactic that would break any adult, so what does it do to an already-broken child? especially one that's implied to have been starving himself for the entire duration of his imprisonment.

they only start actually trusting him as a person when he proves useful to them, when he saves the plant. his decision to start eating again and his freedom/official residence on ship three are connected directly to his ability to be useful, and this is the path vash will follow for the next few decades -- seeing his value to people as measured in what he can do for them, and otherwise seeing himself as someone whose existence is fundamentally at odds with other people's peace/security/happiness. brad was vocal about not trusting him, and even if vash doesn't seem to harbor any ill feelings towards him for this (and i would bet that vash doesn't, in fact, feel that this was wrong of brad to do), it's still really painful! brad is initially sulky and put-off around vash and disapproving of luida's decision to trust him, even if vash grows on him eventually i can't imagine vash didn't internalize this attitude to himself to some degree or another. it takes him long-ish period (around a few years) to decide that brad does in fact like him a little.

and the whole time he's keeping this massive secret from them and it must be driving him insane. he can't talk about it because his wounds are just as fresh, but he can't talk about it because he doesn't know what they'll do when they find out. he didn't feel secure with them; even if he felt loved, and loved them back. but he couldn't be open with them, he could only do his best to be as useful and selfless as possible so that he can store up goodwill against the time when his secrets spill out. and the moment they do, he's branded a traitor immediately. luida doesn't believe it, but vash doesn't hear her say a word in his defense. he only hears brad decide that all of vash's actions by his side mean nothing in the face of one childish error of misplaced trust.

and of course, all of this does get better, in some way or another. no family is perfect; luida goes after vash, and brad makes it up to him. but...trauma doesn't go away that easily. vash doesn't return home unless he really needs to, for his arm. luida and brad decide to put themselves into cryo-sleep, leaving vash without a stable family again. in the span of time vash has lived, many relationships can be repaired -- especially if the person wronged is so eager to erase his own pain.

i've been thinking for a while about the patterns in vash's behavior, trying to trace them to a starting point. i think this is as good a place as any: even if knives was the one to lay the groundwork for vash's issues, many people since have contributed to them, adding their own influences to the guilt and self-hate vash carries around. and many of those people have, genuinely and unreservedly, loved vash and been loved by him anyway.

#notes #trigun stampede #trigun stampede meta #vash #child abuse tw #suicide tw #disordered eating cw #trauma

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ladymordecai · 5 months

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I have been reading DC comics fic again for the first time in like . . . a decade-ish? because I'm a masochist, apparently. Finding new stuff and reading old favorites and being reminded of canon and all my thinky thoughts about superheroes and specifically Tim Drake, because he's my Robin and I imprinted (much like he did).

canon has put that boy through the wringer in the last decade, including smushing like, all his tragedies from 15 years of comics into like, ten seconds of comics time. I was reminded of the storyline where his dad found out he was robin and threatened batman into making him give it up, which at the time pissed me off because it was both a clear illustration of what a terrible parent jack drake was (in a way the narrative itself didn't seem to get??), and also because everything about it was so obviously For The Plot.

There was like, nothing in that storyline that I remember that actually came from the characters. It read like the writer or editors or whatever TPTB* decided they wanted to write a story about robin's dad finding out about robin and making him stop**. it's an obvious story for the only robin at the time who wasn't an orphan, and one of few kid heroes whose parents didn't know about them, and also it was Batman and Robin! The Drama! it so clearly had nothing to do with TIM when he should've been the main character, and it made me so angry, and then that anger was compounded because TPTB used it as an excuse to screw over Steph and then make the only non-orphan robin into an orphan, i guess just because. I hated it then, I hate it now.

BUT

I have a lot more perspective now, and have read a lot more (both published work and fanfic), and I have had a thought that I cannot believe I didn't have back then and that I've never heard before anywhere. (which doesn't mean somebody else hasn't had it, i just haven't found it)

One of my core objections about the storyline is that Tim's dad didn't figure out his ID, he just found the Robin uniform in Tim's room. Which is so out of character that it should invalidate the entire storyline.

This is the kid who wore another mask under his mask to prevent his other superhero friends from SEEING HIS FACE--not knowing his ID, just seeing his face. The kid who kept his identity from goddamn ORACLE for a while there. The kid who was able to sneak out and photo-stalk BATMAN AND ROBIN for literal years as a preteen and never get caught. Nobody ever knew anything about Robin III unless Tim made a deliberate decision to reveal the information. This had been a cornerstone of his character for 20+ years. Robin III's secret identity was arguably second only to Oracle's in-universe.

Yet that entire story rested on the idea that Jack Drake, inattentive parent maybe-kinda-misguidedly-authoritarianly trying to connect with his son for the first time ever, snoops in Tim's room and finds proof that Tim is Robin?? AND that Bruce Wayne is Batman?!?? Tim, whose best friends still call him "Rob," left proof of his identity and Batman's somewhere his civilian father could find it??!??!

There is NO WAY THAT MAKES SENSE. There is no version of canon in which that makes sense.

Things that would make sense: Is that old poster of the Flying Graysons how you met the Waynes? or Hey So I Noticed You Have Three Half-Empty First Aid Kits, Talk To Me? or Dad! Did you read my freaking diary and find whatever normal-teenager angst I wrote as a cover and possibly also some real civvie-ID angst mixed in?! Not cool!

Somebody set that up.

That was a freaking supervillain plot.

There's like. No other explanation for what Tim's dad found. Either a supervillain figured out Tim's ID and took him off the playing board in the way most likely to disrupt as many other superheroes as possible, or a supervillain who didn't know Robin's ID mind-controlled him into revealing it for nefarious reasons.

So uh. I really don't want to get into writing DC fic, because I have shit to do that is not that, but SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TELL THAT STORY. Like, either all the characters involved don't contract plot stupidity and thus realize there's something hinky going on, or at some point after that in canon new evidence comes to light or an existing rogue says something suspicious or . . . there's just so many possibilities.

AND THEY'RE ALL MORE INTERESTING AND MORE IN-CHARACTER THAN CANON, DC!!!

(the creators involved in that storyline should feel very very lucky i don't remember who they are and am too lazy to look them up. because i would bring up how bad they are at storytelling every chance i got, forever)

--translations for fandom young'uns and some snark:

*TPTB: the powers that be, shorthand for the vast array of people in charge of multi-creator stories run by companies, such as tv shows, movies, and comics

**Buffy did it better

#tim drake #dc comics #meta #dc comics meta #fic bunny

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four-color-words · 6 months

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Bailey Adler - An Intro

((Notice: I wrote this while extremely goddamn sleepy, so if I need to elaborate or make something clearer or whatever, lemme know and I'll try my best after I get some sleep))

So, I try pretty hard to keep this sideblog restricted to canon-only stuff. But if I'm gonna start talking about my silly little fanfic on here, I ought to talk about the oc it centers around

Takeoff is the first arc of Bailey's story, and serves as her origin. The front half of it, I like to imagine, takes place in the background of a Flash comic. The back half of it, which I'm currently writing, is a backup or secondary story. Bailey's theoretical solo wouldn't start until she takes up the Golden Eagle mantle, passed down from Charley.

(fun fact: I came up with her around eight years ago, and she's actually what led me to learning about Charley -- but I decided I would have more fun (and achievable) to try and explain how and why Bales was inheriting a mantle, than trying to come up with a new, unused name for her)

Bailey's a complicated character, and it's hard to summarize all the stuff she's got going on. She's very emotionally-driven, and she wears her big bleeding heart on her sleeve. She doesn't exactly like this about herself, but she's been trying and failing to change this for two decades; it's in her nature. And, really, it's the fact that her emotions do run so deep and strong that leads to her becoming a superhero.

Bailey grew up in a small Oklahoma town, and as far as she's concerned, the less she has to talk about that, the better. She moved to Central City to try and not only start a new life, but to forget her old one. Helping her best friend with the rent was a bonus.

Unfortunately, the past won't let Bailey just walk away. Bailey lands a job at a local museum -- no, not that one -- just in time for a haunted suit of armor, a cold case disappearance, and a whole lot of mystery to cross her path. As secrets start to rise to the surface, Bailey finds her own family history might just be tangled up in this web. And untangling it all might mean facing the parts of her past -- and her relationship with her mother's side of the family -- that she really doesn't want to.

Bailey discovers her great-grandmother, Rachel Faulkner, was born Rashel Tavros, of Thanagar. And while this does explain a few things about Bailey's own life -- in particular, why she's always been stronger and tougher than she wants to admit, and why she's always overestimated other people's vision and hearing -- it also leaves her with a lot of questions, and a sense of duty she can't quite shake. She's forced to acknowledge that she's not a normal human. She has gifts and abilities that set her apart from the rest of the populace. She has power -- and we can all finish the old adage.

But she also made promises to her father and sister that, on some level, she feels like she's breaking if she starts being a superhero. Reconciling that and dealing with the guilt, however, are just things she's going to have to do. She does inherit the Golden Eagle mantle from Charley, though I won't say exactly how or why until after Takeoff's finale gets published. (because otherwise I'm not gonna ever write it)

A lot of Bailey's character and story revolve around the ideas of breaking out of cycles of abuse and neglect, what really defines a family, and a whole lot of stuff I'm struggling to put into words.

But while Bailey has, like, so much angst and emotional turmoil, she's also just a big ol' goober. She talks to random pigeons and sings along to the radio while she does chores. She gives her friends stupid nicknames as a form of affection. She offers the neighbor kid cookies because she baked too many at three am, and then realizes how fucking weird that is as a complete stranger. She flirts with people and then freezes like a deer in the headlights when they flirt back. She spent the first twenty-ish years of her life dreaming of being Space Indianna Jones. She's a history and literature nerd, and she will infodump at you about the similarities between art movements across three different planets.

She's a giant dork, and I love her

#i am INCAPABLE of shutting up about her and my other ocs over on my main #so you'd think i'd have an easier time with this #but most of what i have to say about her is all disjointed thoughts #and idk how to actually TALK about my ocs or projects in a way other people can understand #Bailey Adler (oc)

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themculibrary · 1 month

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Clint And Laura (Claura) Masterlist 2

part one

blow a kiss ; fire a gun (ao3) - daredoll M, 12k

Summary: First day on the job and she gets handed a train wreck; you could say that Laura Mitchell’s hard work hasn’t exactly paid off in the way she expected it to. Still, she’s read the SHIELD handbook at least eight times by now so she’s sure she can more than handle some upstart carnie with a bow kink who somehow managed to beat her training score without even going through the academy.

Spoiler Alert: she’s wrong.

Distraction (ao3) - woamx G, 875

Summary: Clint gets a phone call right before having to go out on the field with his teammates.

Five Years in a Blink (ao3) - Gnb_rules M, 3k

Summary: Laura knows the world has changed in the past five years, and in the days after she and the kids return from The Blip, she realizes that she needs to learn how much of her husband has changed as well. Clint/Laura, post Endgame. Mentions of a very loving and deep but platonic Clintasha friendship. Please see tags for more info/warnings.

here is my hand that will not harm you (ao3) - andibeth82 T, 18k

Summary: It starts the day they assign him to Laura Morse.

It starts as something he wants nothing to do with.

And then, it becomes something more.

I'm Not Going Anywhere (ao3) - aberrations_reality T, 3k

Summary: They swore they were going to take it slow. They did. They really did. But Clint has always been terrible at planning; has always had the worst timing. At this point it was probably a curse. So it only made sense that the second he pulled out the ring the window shattered in a spray of bullets and glass.

Never far from home (ao3) - RedBatons T, 112k

Summary: Clint is crazy. Laura already knew this. But this time, Clint was seriously out of his mind crazy. He had one job, to kill the deadliest assassin known to man. And then he decides to keep her like a lost puppy found on the streets. But Laura trusts Clint. The Black Widow, not so much. A story about Laura and Nat's friendship over the years.

One thing, and three people that Laura loves (a non exclusive list) (ao3) - Maia_saura G, 1k

Summary: Laura loved math. She had loved math since the second grade. Other than an intense but ill-advised fling with theoretical physics right before the start of her graduate program, she and math had shared a rewarding and monogamous relationship.

Reconnecting (The Reclamation Remix) (ao3) - Huntress79 M, 2k

Summary: Sometimes, Laura thinks she has two babies instead of just one - her husband’s lingering trauma from his latest mission makes life at the farm not exactly easier, for no one. Until one night, it does. Or: how Clint and Laura overcome trauma and reconnect with each other.

she sees better from a distance (ao3) - andibeth82 T, 8k

Summary: This is the story everyone knows: Clint Barton is SHIELD’s best sniper. Laura Barton is the simple girl who fell into his life and learned to deal with aliens and spies; with secrets and firearms and security.

In this story, Laura Martinelli is SHIELD’s best sniper. Clint Barton is the man she falls in love with, and he’s never even heard of SHIELD.

Sleep Number Rule (ao3) - RecessiveJean T, 7k

Summary: Farm or not, Clint always had a firm policy against bringing home strays.

Well.

Firm ish.

The Ghost of Christmas Past (ao3) - mitchpell T, 28k

Summary: Clint takes his children to New York City to see Rogers: The Musical.

The Girl at the Circus (ao3) - Hogwartswonderland N/R, 3k

Summary: At the beginning of their partnership, Clint told Natasha a story of a beautiful acrobat nicknamed Rapunzel and how he fell in love with her. Five years later Natasha still doesn't know how the story ends. Well, until now. Otherwise the story of how Natasha met Clint's family for the first time.

This little light (ao3) - Builder G, 1k

Summary: “Daaaad!”

The complaint has Clint turning on his heel. “What now?”

He looks at the coffee pot still in his hand and wonders what the fuck he did with his mug. And more urgently, how the fuck is he going to get the coffee into his body without it.

we belong to those who live (ao3) - daughterofrohan G, 2k

Summary: The absurdity of the fact that he’s crying in his kitchen with the assassin sister of his dead assassin best friend who was hired to kill him and has only just recently decided not to do it after all almost makes Clint laugh.

You're Here Where You Should Be (ao3) - paperairplanesopenwindows T, 1k

Summary: Summary/Prompt Used: Natasha’s first Christmas with the Bartons + Clint and Laura’s first Christmas with Cooper doesn’t go exactly as planned + (an itty bitty little bit of) If love is for children, then so is Christmas. Clint’s determined to convince Natasha otherwise.

you were more than just a short time (ao3) - mayadrinkswater G, 2k

Summary: laura barton is all-too-familiar with the antics of her husband and his best friend. they always, even in the most serious and near-fatal of missions, come back with a good story. they've perfected their ability to recall them, too, in a near perfect push-and-pull that almost seems rehearsed even though laura knows that it isn't. laura never expected to miss it so much.

three times clint and natasha bring a good story home and the one time clint brings a new stray home in the form of kate bishop

#themculibrary #marvel #mcu #masterlists #clint barton #laura barton #claura #claura masterlist #f/m

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mermaidsirennikita · 11 months

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ARC Review: Forget Me Not by Julie Soto

4.25/5. Releases 7/11/2023.

For when you're vibing with... a Julia Roberts-era romcom, wedding planner romance, gruff but swoonworthy, lovely heroes, and messy bitches who can't do emotion right.

Workaholic Ama has booked a celebrity wedding that will skyrocket her notoriety as a planner. The only problem? The florist is her ex, quiet, grumpy Elliot Bloom...who is none too happy to see her after she broke his heart. Determined to make the situation work, Ama and Elliot try to avoid one another as much as possible--but there's unfinished business between them, and it could push Ama to question everything she believed about herself.

Oh, this is a good one. Emotional and reminiscent of the 90s/early 2000s romcoms I love, this book wears it heart on its sleeve. The Reylos know how to do a romance novel, dude.

Quick Takes:

--I love a wedding backdrop for romantic stories, and this book milks it. It gave me My Best Friend's Wedding and The Wedding Planner energy; there's the high emotion that comes with wedding planning, plus the drama and the inherent wistfulness that occurs when you're not the bride but maybe, just maybe, you really want to be a bride. Forget Me Not nails that energy, and it's also just a lot of fun in that sense. Plus, I really believed that Ama loved her job, and that's kind of a lynchpin of the plot.

--Our leads were a great match. Like I said, Ama is all about work; whereas Elliot is very good at his job, but it's more about family legacy. She lives to work, whereas he works to live. It's a good conflict. But at the same time, they give each other something. She pushes him out of his shell, he gives her a safe place to land. They fuck like rabbits and hold each other sweetly. There's a real sense of "oh they are in looooove" in this book, and it made my heart warm.

--I mentioned this author is a Reylo. For me, that's not something I actively seek (I have nothing against the ship, I've read really good Reylo fic, I disagree with some interpretations of the ship and agree with other, darker takes, I love Adam Driver as an actor and Daisy Ridley does nothing for me--I'm very "middle of the road" on it) but I'm also happy to see it. And let me tell you, I could seeeee the "things we project onto Adam Driver as a man who wishes to not be perceived on the internet" vibe to Elliot, in the best way. He's shy in a way that comes off as stern, he's struck by Ama but doesn't know what the fuck to say, he'll put her on her hands and knees in his car and then, when he realizes she's been knowingly driving a car about to fall apart for months, glare at her and competently take care of it. God... he really does it. He does it. The competency, the suppressed emotion, the floral tattoos! Damn.

--I feel like Ama might be a heroine some don't respond well to, because she is unabashedly forthright about her wants and needs--or at least, what she thinks she wants and needs. At the same time, she clearly pushes for things with Elliot without being willing to follow through, sending him mixed signals. To me, she was extremely relatable and human. I love a commitment-phobic heroine, and I sure would love to see more of them. To me, both Ama and Elliot make mistakes in this novel, but never because they want to hurt each other. They're just... people.

--We have a classic romcom-type villain in this book, and that is something I personally love.

--I will say, the format is unusual--sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Ama's POV is largely in the present, nearly three years after she and Elliot broke up. Elliot's POV is largely in the past, during their relationship. The timeline for both eras is relatively short-ish, and you see a lot more of Elliot and Ama interacting romantically in the past than you do the present, because the present is about like... working towards a reunion. It's realistic, in a sense, because these two really just should be together and their conflicts are internal. But I did wish that we could've seen them interact a bit earlier in the novel, and it did take some getting used to. It's interesting, I just think there could've been a bit more flexibility in the structure. I will say, it did add to the MAX ANGST of the present in Ama's POV.

The Sex Stuff:

Oh, it's hot. We bemoan the state of sex in many traditionally published contemporaries at the moment, but this one is really sexy. I was pleasantly surprised by how their sexual relationship began--you don't see that vibe in a lot of contemporary trad romances. And Elliot is, again, kind of the ideal man: he's a lovely sweet baby who will fuck the absolute shit out of a woman. Also... they talk flowers during. Like, "recite these flowers until you come" kind of talk.

I'm excited to see what Julie Soto releases next, and honestly? I could totally see this as a movie. It's a really solid, truly romantic debut, and it did in fact... give me the feels.

Thanks to Netgalley and Forever for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book recs #book reviews #books

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ojirocardigansniper · 1 year

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30, 34, 38, and B for blink !

Tahnks for blowing up my whole shit ian i love you.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

the second i saw 30 was this i said outloud OH FUCK. onehit kill. can't be any answer other than her best friend. they are pair bonded like parrots (Tragic). girl meets boy because her job is going to be listening for response from the gods he's killing himself to communicate with, and her job is going to be watching him die, teaching the next one to die, and the next, until her drowning day finally comes. she met his predecessor in uer end stages of sickness, so she knows how it will look for him. No matter how much she loves him or how many times she can get away with dumping out his ritual cup, he's committed to what he's doing, what he's been raised to do... so yeah, she regrets meeting him. not that she thinks of it as something she chose to do, seeing as it's all divine-vision-scraps that brought her there. but when she still sometimes wishes for another life for them, often she thinks separate lives would have the best chance of peace.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

mm. impossible really. survivor's guilt alchemized into rage at who seemed responsible, but it's still there. she feels simultaneously that she doesn't deserve the losses she's suffered, and that she's still here and alive. there's also insanely complex guilt around everything with her partner's slow ritual death and the death of their mentor the same way. the struggle between prolonging the suffering overall versus staving the worst of it off now. (under my breath) the phrase Quality of Life is not part of their lexicon and it shows . whats that hospice by the antlers you say ? something something shiva4shiva? noooo haha whattt

38. What memory do they revisit the most often?

ah jeez. ah fuck. hard to say. technically i suppose memories of her death (past visions of it) but that's not voluntary. unconsciously i think she very often revisits childhood memories of her brother- always has fragments of them floating about without realizing. one of her core unfulfilled needs is that close companionship she lost back then- she's been trying to fill that hole ever since, no matter if she does so on purpose. i'm really trying to think of things she would consciously try to remember and. mostly coming up with 'tonguing the hole in the gum' type things. don't forget the pain of this or you'll stop letting it drive you. (kicks a rock) she's in my personal bouquet of wretched girlies with baru cormorant for a reason...

B) What inspired you to create them?

time honored tradition of fandom au that got out of fucking hand 🫡 haikyuu au with the highschool bestie, we cooked up a big kingdoms+fantasy setting thru like 2016-2018 and then i continued going feral over a handful of characters that lived rent free in my mind for the next. three years ish? before i finally was like ok i should make it official and stop calling these bitches the names of anime characters. For ayirine specifically some of her core traits have been there since the beginning (foresight, dead twin, death by drowning, kills her best friend) but since filing off serial numbers i transed her gender and made her more actively suicidal (its themes. sorry) and REALLY WEIRD re: her religious convictions. also structurally she's become a prequel tragedy / cautionary tale preceding the main chunk of the narrative, which, not that we had a lot of structure before due to being high schoolers just having fun worldbuilding, but her killing her best friend used to be a W for the then-protagonists bc he was the leader of their enemy, et cetera. by now ive wandered entirely away from the adversarial narrative and into the weeds of other stuff i can personally tell a better story about, due to having Many Thoughts Head Full. i like putting together stories that are dioramas of people and their strange selves much more now than i did when i was a #teen and mostly just liked cool settings and shit. now im like if the characters in the setting arent fascinating then well i almost dont care how cool it is.

ok swag that wasnt as interminably long as i thought it was. no readmore then (gestures to followers) Look at my melodramatic oc boy

#chat #asks #btw ayirine is blinks actual name ifanyone doesnt know. it took me like a full year and a half to settle on her fuckign name .#so icalled her blink after her character playlist (which is named that bc she gets vision fragments everytime she closes her eyes at all)#shes my awful girlie. i love her. she has never had a happy ending ever in her existence as a character. its like that sometimes #blink #ouroboros ocs #fwiends <3

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valiantgentle · 1 year

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Okay, I would like to humbly request: tell me all about Scarlett! Rent OCs are so freaking rare, and I am utterly curious about her!!

(Also, you're really freaking awesome and all of your OCs are really freaking awesome, and I hope you're doing well!! 🖤🖤🖤)

hi!! i am doing well and even better after reading ur lovely words <3 and i am so sorry this took so long for me to answer! it took a while to get my thoughts in order and make it coherent

scarlett!! it has been so long since i've thought about her! she was my emotional support character from the years of 2016 – 2019 and that was the last time i wrote anything for her so i'm gonna have to reach into the deepest depths of my brain which will be interesting!

warnings for mentions of: abuse, suicide, drug and alcohol addiction

so i actually have three (3) different universes for scarlett. there's the original one based on the movie adaptation that i wrote like two? sequels for, then an au that was based solely on the stage production, and then another au that, if i recall correctly but i’m a little hazy on it, combines both BUT april ericson (aka roger's girlfriend who died before the start of the plot) is alive! that one (satellite call, which i link in my masterlist & on my characters page) is my favorite and honestly it's the one i consider the True Story now, if that makes sense. it's also the best-written of the three, the others are Not That Good,,, there’s a lot about all of the fics i would change if i rewrote them now, but they did get me through those horrible, horrible three years so moving on!

u asked to know all about her and my solution to that is to give you a quick-and-concise scarlett backstory in bullet points and give it headings so that it's easier to read! (okay maybe not THAT quick and concise) (i talked so much.........i tried to rewrite it to make it feel like i’m not just info-dumping but every time i tried to make it even more concise it didn’t make any sense so this is what we’re going with lol) (and like...all of this is just the tip of the iceberg honestly. like the most basic of details)

1971 – 1989-ish

she was born in georgia to an emotionally neglectful family in the same town where april ericson (listen i know TECHNICALLY she's not mine and technically larson created her, but that was just like 2 lines in the show and i've adopted her as my own) grew up, so they knew each other. april’s a year older than scarlett. scarlett’s mom named her after the protagonist in gone with the wind and scarlett HATES that so much

when scarlett was a teenager, she started dating april's younger brother will, who was not a good person. he was abusive and all-around The Worst

april eventually caught on and helped scarlett escape, but it wasn’t easy. scarlett attempted suicide, was found by april barely in time, and was in a coma for close to two weeks iirc, but after she woke up and started getting better she was able to break up with will. in the aftermath, scarlett ended up spending more and more time with april, who she was starting to view as a sister after already viewing her as her savior

around the time of scarlett's high school graduation, april invited her to move to nyc with her to get away from everything that happened and put physical distance between them and will. scarlett agreed and they found an apartment together in alphabet city and april found scarlett a therapist to help process her trauma and her ptsd from the abuse

1992-ish (?) – 1995

i can't remember how many years after that it was but eventually scarlett meets the characters of rent and introduces april and roger, who obviously hit it off

meanwhile scarlett, who has not been in a relationship since will and is too afraid to even ponder the thought, starts falling for mark (who was with maureen at the time) but keeps pushing down her feelings for him even after they break up because she doesn't want to be hurt again.

for the record, scarlett/mark was to 2016 – 2019 me what mara/jonathan from my mummy fic are to present-day me and i think it's very obvious how much i love mara and jonathan to give u an idea shdjfk

so the april-roger drug addiction happens, at some point both of them contract hiv and april dies by suicide, as mentioned in the show/movie. scarlett is the one who finds her (remember when i said april was the one who found scarlett after her own suicide attempt?) which changes everything for her

scarlett's always been a closed book so she's never opened up about her past to the others. they didn't even know she was seeing a therapist until april died. this doesn’t change after april's death, they still don’t know anything about her past, but she worries a lot about roger and worries about him relapsing or choosing the same route april did.

depending on which story we're talking about, things after that go pretty much as rent itself goes. mark's always the first person scarlett opens up to about will and how she really knew april, and it's always after angel's death. that's pretty much the one thing that doesn't change throughout the three universes. satellite call (aka the April Lives AU is my favorite of the three because i had always loved writing the scarlett-april flashbacks in the other ones and wondering how things would change in the story if april was alive was so so interesting to me. the most notable thing that changes for scarlett in that one is how her path goes. it diverges so much from the other stories so i'll talk about that a little!

THE SATELLITE CALL YEARS

obviously the biggest thing in her life in this au is that april lives, and she doesn't lose the person she views as her savior and as a sister. so april recovers, she goes to rehab, she gets a therapist like scarlett does, and tries to move forward with scarlett at her side. so in a way, at this point they're kind of codependent

the important thing to mention about this au is that here scarlett is approached by the same dealer that supplied april and roger to buy some pills from him multiple times, and by the time angel starts getting sick and they realize he's dying, she just wants the pain she feels to end. and that starts the biggest change in this story: scarlett's drug and alcohol addiction

i can't remember why i wrote it this way or why i chose this route for her, but i know that looking at it now, this path for her makes the most sense to me out of all the paths her story has taken in all the stories i wrote for her

it does offer up a "two sides of the same coin" dynamic between scarlett and april. they have a lot more in common than they think, which is why things blow up majorly between them around the time of angel's death. like it gets BAD. but it leads to scarlett confessing her addictions to mark, who along with april and collins, helps her into rehab

i....haven’t written anything past that........i do remember most of what was supposed to happen in the second half of satellite call but like i mentioned at the top of the post i haven’t written for her in 3 years :( i’m hoping i’ll get to come back to her one day though and write the rest of that story :)

some other fun (and they are ACTUALLY fun!) facts about scarlett off the top of my head:

she likes strawberries

she's a math nerd

she's a waitress, mainly working at the life cafe

her favorite holiday is christmas

#i think i went a little overboard here but like i said ms barnes was my emotional support character for three years #so i came up with a LOT for her over that time lol #starlit-epiphany #asks

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taylorswiftstylequestions · 2 years

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Taylor Swift just is too good as an artist and she writes circles around her male peers like duh but the way she does her art also made me realize I outgrew? Artists I was really into when I was younger, like I'd still go to their concerts if they came here (unlikely) but there last ish project ish didn't quiet go 'there', the way I wanted it to, and it disappointing because I loved their first three albums so much!

I don't know which artist you're referring to but it's totally okay for us to outgrow artists. It doesn't erase what their art once meant to us but it doesn't mean we have to continue engaging with their content if it no longer speaks to the people we've grown to become or the place we are at in the present.

Taylor is definitely such an incredible artist in the sense that nine albums in I don't think her creativity or skill has waned - if anything it feels like she's on a second wind of something really amazing and has nowhere near hit the ceiling on her talents as a songwriter. And that is no small feat when you've been making music for 16 years to have your latest work somehow be some of your best.

#opinion

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5raysofsunshine · 2 years

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Let's Go Home - Emily Prentiss x Reader

Hi friends! Here's a little piece I just finished while at work today. It's been a minute since I've posted so I hope you all enjoy it! I'm working on putting together a tag list form so be on the lookout for that in my pinned post! update: it's up! please check it out in my pinned post or here!

Description: You pick up Emily from the hospital after she gets hurt out in the field. Morgan and Prentiss are the best besties! You and Emily are married! It's cute, I promise!

Rating: G. I don't think there's anything that should be tw but if there is lmk!

Word count: 921

---

"Morgan, slow down! You maniac!" Emily shouts as Derek pushes her wheelchair down the hospital walkway. He’s not walking very fast, but his pace isn’t slow either. The man laughs as he slowly swerves Emily left and right, making race car sounds. Emily keeps warning him to knock it off, but you can tell by her megawatt smile and laughter that she is enjoying the ride.

You watch the two agents from outside the double doors of the hospital's main entrance, holding a pair of crutches Emily had tucked away in the hall closet of the apartment. "Oh my god, you two are ridiculous!"

Derek slows Emily's wheelchair to a stop in front of you, "Don't worry, Y/n! She's fine!"

"I have a broken ankle, Morgan. Things could be better." Emily says, rolling her eyes. She’s wearing a boot cast on her left foot. The agent had gotten her foot caught in a booby trap the unsub had set, causing her ankle to be clamped by the mechanism. Thankfully, Derek managed to pry it apart for Emily to pull her foot out, but they knew Emily was hurt badly and had to be sent to the hospital.

You sigh, "Well I agree that things could be better. You could not have a broken ankle and we could've avoided a hospital visit. But hey, at least it's only your ankle, right?" You say, trying to sound optimistic but you can’t help the hint of sarcasm in your tone. It's rare that Emily gets injured out in the field, but when she does, you've learned over the past couple years of being with her that worrying and panicking helps no one. Of course you still worry and panic regardless, but you keep it under wraps much better than when you two first started dating. Right now, you're just relieved that your wife is okay... ish.

Derek holds his hands out for Emily to take, "Alright, princess. Let’s get you out of that chair.” Emily nods, grabbing one of his hands to pull herself out of the chair. She winces as she stands and balances on her right foot before you help tuck the crutches under her arms. "I'll wheel this back inside. You guys go home. I'll check in with you tomorrow, okay? Remember to take it easy and-"

"Don’t walk without crutches, yeah yeah. Morgan, I got this. I’ll be fine. This isn’t my first time, you know.” Your wife says, annoyed.

You smile up at Derek, "Hence why we have a pair of crutches with her initials on them.” The three of you chuckle at the fact that yes, Emily’s crutches have her initials on them. Along with several glitter stickers, courtesy of Penelope. “Trust me D, I'll make sure she gets rest and doesn't do anything dumb." You look pointedly at Emily, who frowns.

“Hey, I’m careful and responsible! I can take care of myself! You of all people should know that, that’s why you married me!” She argues before beginning to walk towards the parking lot. Luckily, you were able to find a spot close enough that it wouldn't be too long of a walk. You want to get Emily home as soon as possible so you can (attempt to) take care of her.

“Yes honey,” you say as you unlock your car. “Your sense of responsibility and independence are great qualities that I admire very much. But those aren’t necessarily the reasons why I married you.”

“Oh yeah?” Emily asks as you open the car door for her. She hands you her crutches and settles herself into the passenger seat.

“Mmhmm, I happen to find you incredibly sexy too.” You notice one of the stickers is about to peel off, so you press it back down before placing the crutches in the back seat. Quickly making your way around the car, you open the driver’s side door and slide into the seat. “Having a hot wife has always been a goal of mine, and you were the perfect candidate.”

You start the car as Emily laughs, “Do you still think I’m sexy-”

You quickly interrupt her before she can finish her sentence. “Yes.”

“But, even with this-” She gestures to her cast, but you quickly interrupt her again.

“Yes, Em. You’re still sexy as hell, even if you have a boot and crutches. I’ll always find you hot, you know that. I mean, if I can still find you sexy after you came home with food poisoning from that new Thai place last year, then you should never doubt my attraction to you.”

Your wife scoffs, “That was the most terrible case of food poisoning I ever had.”

“Oh I know, I was there.” You say with a grin.

“Shut up!” Emily playfully shoves your shoulder before staring at you, her tongue pokes out to lick her lips.

“Why don’t you make me.” You say teasingly. Emily leans over the center console and grabs your face to pull you in for a kiss. You immediately melt at the contact, reminding you that you haven’t kissed your wife in two days since she was out of town for her current case.

The kiss lasts for three long seconds, followed by three little pecks. Emily rests her forehead against yours and your noses brush against each other. “Thank you for coming to get me,” she whispers, “I love you so much.”

You press another kiss to your wife’s lips before replying, “I love you too, Em. Now let’s go home.”

#5rays fics #emily prentiss #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #i love the idea of emily being married (to me)

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sicjimin · 3 years

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Sashimi Chain of Sickness 🍣

A.N : askjdbskd ok so the cat is out of the bag, finally me and @spence-sickfics can post our babies here :D a chain of sickness in bangtan’s dorm ! idk what else to tell, but we have a fun time working it and i hope you guys enjoy this story as much as we enjoy writing it ! :D here we go for the first day ~ it’s a long ride but i hope you like it :] ((you can read it on @spence-sickfics blog too!))

Sickie : Namjoon and Jungkook // Caretaker : Yoongi, Taehyung

TW : emeto

Day One:

(by sickyoonminie)

Namjoon curled his body smaller. He’d been awakened early by a series of cramps seizing through his stomach. He pressed his palm deeper into his stomach, hoping that the pressure might alleviate the cramps.

But it failed.

He rolled onto his back and let out an exhausted groan. His right hand mindlessly stretched to his phone on the nightstand. He squinted when the bright screen hit his eyes. 7AM.

He let the phone plop down before nuzzling himself deeper to the pillow. He tried to sleep again but nothing was working, so he got up from his bed, stretching his arms high above his head.

After a quick shower, he put on fresh clothes, and headed downstairs.

"Joonie, why are you up so early?" Seokjin greeted him from the kitchen, his hand busy with the toast and scrambled egg. For some reason, the sight of food made Namjoon’s stomach swirl. He feels full, despite not eating anything since last night.

"Can't sleep again", he mumbled as he set himself to water. Gulping it down in one go. He frowns when it feels heavy on his stomach.

Something is wrong with him.

But he shrugs it off. Maybe it's his nerves, or maybe he's too exhausted.

"You want some?", Seokjin asks, placing the scrambled egg on top of the toasted bread. Namjoon shakes his head, taking another gulp of water.

Seokjin takes one for himself before sitting next to Namjoon.

After that, it’s silence between them. But the members started going downstairs one by one, and it didn't take long before the kitchen became “lively”.

Namjoon tries to fall into conversation, but he just—didn't have the energy for that.

" You okay, Joon-ah?", Yoongi slides quietly beside him as they walked to their car.

"Huh? What do you mean hyung?"

Yoongi shrugs, "I don't know. You look a little off today, or maybe that was just my feeling"

Namjoon hums, glancing at him as they get inside their car. They sit in the middle seat.

"I just, don't get enough sleep", Namjoon sighs and leans on the window.

" You should stop caved in your studio", Yoongi mumbles, gaining a scoff from the younger, "Says you hyung"

Yoongi chuckles, "Try to sleep for few minutes"

And maybe Namjoon will comply.

—

It's Namjoon's fault that he just brushed off the uncomfortable feeling in his body this morning. As a result, he just feels worse by now.

He curled on the couch in his studio. He's shivering, despite the air conditioner being off. His hand settled on his stomach that has been so upset, like nauseous, but at the same time it feels bloated too.

Everything just felt off for him.

A sudden knock interrupts his thoughts. He groans before getting up. His muscles ache.

"Hyung! Are you busy? We want to get dinner!"Jungkook's doe eyes and bunny smile is the one who greeted him as he opened the door.

Namjoon leaned on the door, feeling tired.

"We? Is everyone coming?"

Jungkook nods, "Yes! Even Yoongi-hyung"

Namjoon contemplates for a second. Maybe he just needs to eat to make everything that has been going on in his body go away. If he thinks about it, his appetite hasn't been the best as he was too busy with the album preparation.

He sighs before mustering a smile "Tell them to wait for me. I'm coming"

Jungkook nods before giving him a thumbs-up, "Thank you, hyung!"

—

"Woah, this place is .. crowded", Hoseok chimed in, throwing his arms around Namjoon's shoulder as they stepped into the restaurant. Namjoon wants to bat it away, as it pressed his sweater to his skin that had been prickling uncomfortably because of his fever. But he's too lazy to do it.

" Don't worry, we had booked a secluded place", Seokjin says from behind.

Taehyung walks alongside Namjoon as they all walk to their table. Taehyung grabs the chair closest to the door before he sits down, while Jimin sits beside Taehyung. He scoots closer to Jungkook in the corner, as Yoongi takes the seat directly across from Jimin and beside Namjoon. Seokjin and Hoseok settle on the remaining orders, and Namjoon orders the same dish as Jungkook and Seokjin. Sashimi. It suits for dinner as it's not too heavy but enough to make him full. The waiter leaves as soon as their order comes. Namjoon lets out a breath as he relaxes.

They were having a nice meal, talking, and laughing. Namjoon can see that they're having fun. And the food is nice. He even got three servings, hoping that eating more could somehow drown out the pain in his stomach.

It was just as he finished his third plate when he felt an odd sense of pain in his tummy, and for some reason, the sashimi tasted funny too. He glanced at Seokjin and Jungkook. They seem fine, munching happily. He shrugs, maybe it's only his tongue messing with him. He had been felt off the whole day anyway.

He decided to just let it go. He'll think about it later.

—

"Hyung", Jungkook calls him when they are seated on the couch, everyone was retreating to their room. Ready to go to sleep.

" Hm?" Namjoon hums, not opening his eyes. He's tired. He's full. It feels like energy just sucked out of his body. And he could feel his fever going worse too.

"Um, are you feeling fine?", Namjoon tilts his head, looking at the younger with a frown, "What?"

"I mean. The sashimi .. it was fine, right?", Jungkook bites his lip, fiddling with his fingers. His eyes were wide, afraid of what Namjoon would say.

"What?", Namjoon blinks, "Yeah. Yes, it was".

"Oh."

Namjoon opens his mouth. Then closes it.

"Then maybe my tongue is just being funny", Jungkook said. A slight grin on his face. It looks more forced than usual. " Okay then I will get ready for bed, hyung. Go to bed soon, you look tired,", he adds, giving a squeeze on Namjoon's shoulder before he retreats to his and Namjoon’s shared bathroom.

Namjoon looks at the younger's retreating figure before looking at his hands. There is a dull pain in his stomach which started to hurt right after Jungkook asked him that. He doesn't like that. And he doesn't like the suspicion that comes after.

He stands up, heading towards his bedroom. Freshens his body and downing a Pepto-bismol along with some fever medicine that Seokjin bought a few months ago.

Maybe, it was just him being paranoid—in addition to his off-ish body the whole day.

It will be fine after he sleeps. Right?

— —

Night One:

(written by spence-sickfics)

Jungkook hadn’t been able to go to sleep until almost midnight. It seemed all the other boys had agreed on going to bed early, as everyone was most likely preparing for another long day at the studio. Jungkook, however, was too uncomfortable to sleep. Uncomfortable, mostly in his head. A nagging worry about Namjoon’s quietness throughout the day. Another worry, that the sashimi tasted kind of off. A bigger worry, maybe that Namjoon was sick or hurt and that’s why he ate so much. After knowing the leader for ten years, Jungkook was familiar with Namjoon’s tendencies to conceal any sort of discomfort he felt physically. And Jungkook also knew that the leader liked to eat a lot at meals that he didn’t want to talk at. To keep his mouth busy, probably. Maybe Namjoon was sick from the sort of strange-tasting sashimi? No, that didn’t make sense. He was acting weird before that. And if that was true, then both Jungkook and Seokjin should be sick by now. Come to think of it, though, Jungkook was noticing a dull ache in his belly as the hours ticked by.

Speaking of the hours, he’d lost track of time by around eleven pm. Namjoon was asleep in bed beside him by that point, in fact, he assumed everyone was asleep except for him. Jungkook had tried to go to sleep for around thirty minutes, but to no avail as the pain in his upper stomach grew. He’d taken a single painkiller at around 10pm, going back to bed and looking at his phone. But whatever he had taken wasn’t doing much to cover up the twisting sensation he experienced. He’d been able to distract himself, though, dully scrolling through social media and wishing he could fall asleep. He wondered if it’s what Namjoon had been feeling like every night recently, he’d overhead Seokjin and Yoongi expressing concerns for the leader’s insomnia. Whatever it was, though, Jungkook was able to fall asleep upon taking the painkiller. It hadn’t done much, but it had fogged up his brain enough to let his worries fade away.

Jungkook woke up again at around two in the morning, to a sharper stabbing pain in his stomach that made tears well up in his eyes. He sat up quickly, placing and arm over his middle and realized how sick he felt. His stomach looked horribly bloated, it felt like the contents were fighting to get out and it was making too much noise. He felt nauseous, not in a particularly heavy way, but more the feeling of disgusting sickness. He felt Namjoon stir, but not wake next to him. Jungkook needed his hyung’s comfort badly, but didn’t want to wake up Namjoon as he knew how tired he must be. His stomach was rolling as he let a quiet burp escape him and moaned quietly, putting his head in his hands. He hiccuped, and a wave of vomit splashed in the back of his throat. Before he could even process what was really going on, Jungkook clamped a hand over his mouth and ran out of the room, into his and Jimin’s shared bathroom. At that point, he bent over the sink and let the surge of vomit come out from his mouth. He winced at the sight of barely-digested sashimi. It must have been bad, he thought before his stomach cramped and he was sent into another wave of throwing up. He kept feeling his throat constricting with gags, feeling fearful for a minute until he felt a warm hand on his back and saw the lights turn on.

“You’re okay, Kook,” Namjoon whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep. Jungkook panted, then turned on the water to wash the sink out. “You all done?” Namjoon asked, and Jungkook nodded. He still felt terrible. Lucid. He knew he didn’t have a fever and he didn’t feel like throwing up again but his stomach was killing him.

“Yeah, sorry Joon, I just feel really sick all of the sudden. I think it was the sashimi. Do you feel sick too?” Jungkook asked as Namjoon guided him to a seated position on the ground together.

Namjoon swallowed, and Jungkook saw how pale the older looked. “No, not really,” Namjoon said lowly. His words were punctuated by a low gurgle from his stomach, and Namjoon paled further.

“That didn’t sound ‘not really sick’, Joon,” Jungkook offered.

“Yeah, says you,” Namjoon mumbled, “Worry about yourself.” Namjoon hadn’t meant to come off so sharp, but being distracted from what he felt like was his job to take care of Jungkook was the worst. The pain in his stomach had gotten worse too, making him more irritable and a sense of nausea was now bothering him too.

Jungkook frowned. “I’m sorry, hyung.” He looked sad to be scolded, and Namjoon instantly felt terrible for speaking to him in such a way. He wanted to apologize, but he felt nausea rising in his chest along with the guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a gag and he leaned over the toilet, shutting his eyes tight and breathing heavily while waiting for it to come. Jungkook’s eyes went wide before he went over to put a hand on Namjoon’s back, and patted gently as vomit came rushing out of Namjoon’s mouth and splashed into the toilet. His body was shaking badly, likely a product of fever. It looked more than painful.

Jungkook felt himself get nauseous again just watching Namjoon and had to stand up before gagging again and throwing up a bit more into the sink. Namjoon was heaving, probably too loudly to hear Jungkook getting sick anyways. When Jungkook was done, he returned to Namjoon, who finished up a few seconds later after a few quiet dry retches.

“Namjoon,” Jungkook whispered, “Shit, you are sick. Lay down, please.” Namjoon obliged and lay as far as he could, upper body resting on the edge of the bathtub and hands over his face.

“Jungkook, can you please get Hoseok or something? I feel awful,” Namjoon admitted and Jungkook looked at him. His stomach was bloated, face pale and sweaty. He looked awful, and Jungkook almost said yes. But he was suddenly feeling really nauseous again, and his stomach was hurting worse.

“Uhm, I’m not sure if I can--huhghh--” Jungkook tried to speak but was cut off by a violent gag as he went back to the sink and threw up again, more undigested food pouring out in a thick stream from his stomach. It was Namjoon this time to stand up shakily and put a much-too-warm hand on the younger’s back, still feeling feverish but wanting to help Jungkook badly. He rubbed the back gently, until Jungkook was reduced to dry gags. His face felt sweaty as Namjoon pulled back the overgrown black hair into a ponytail to avoid getting it stuck in vomit. Namjoon’s hands were shaking badly, and Jungkook swore he could feel the body heat radiating from the older.

“Ughh, Namjoon, I’m so sorry,” Jungkook muttered, sliding a hand up under his shirt to put on his stomach, “My stomach hurts so bad, hyung.” He turned around to look at Namjoon, who still looked pale. Eyes half-shut, not able to pay attention to whatever Jungkook was saying. The singer gently placed a hand on Namjoon’s forehead and frowned when he felt how warm it was. “Oh, gosh, hyung, you feel warm.” Namjoon hummed in agreement, opening his eyes slightly. Jungkook was unsure what to do, still feeling sick himself when he saw Taehyung walk through the door. His eyes were puffy from sleep, but he could still see the situation at hand and was concerned immediately.

“Jungkook-ah? Namjoon-ah? Are you guys sick?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Jungkook nearly cried from relief. “I was sick a couple times, and he was too, I think he has a fever, thank you for coming, Tae.”

“Huh? Why are you sick? How is Namjoon even standing up, his eyes are closed?” Taehyung’s brain was too foggy from sleep.

“I think the sashimi, but maybe Namjoon-hyung was sick from something else too, he has a fever. He’s falling asleep right now, at first he was holding me up but now I’m holding him up, as you can see.” Jungkook responded, and cleared his throat. “Can you please get him some fever medicine? I can’t take care of him, my stomach still feels so sick.”

“Yeah, of course, please lay him down for a second. He needs some rest. I’m gonna get some medicine, and, uh...Seokjin-hyung. I’ll get him too. You don’t have a fever?” Taehyung responded.

“No, I feel really awake and lucid actually. My head is clear, it’s just my stomach, which --” he paused to inhale shakily as a worse cramp wracked his stomach “--could you get some medicine for, please?” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.” Taehyung left the room. Jungkook spoke gently to Namjoon.

“Hey, let’s sit down for a second, Joon. Just rest a little and we’re gonna give you some medicine,” he said. Namjoon nodded and sat down, resting his back on the wall. His eyes were open, but glossy and not really looking at anything in particular. “Gosh, Namjoon, it really seems like throwing up made you so much groggier, yeah?” Jungkook tried to joke, but no response. Namjoon just closed his eyes slightly. Jungkook frowned in worry and felt the leader’s forehead again. Somehow, it felt warmer than before. And crap, he’d forgotten to ask Taehyung to bring a thermometer. He’d probably remember it anyway, though. And Jungkook was looking forward to nothing more than being able to rest. He could still feel the cramps twisting in his stomach, and he’d been able to bear through them for the past few minutes but now he wasn’t sure if he could do it anymore. He was beginning to feel sicker by the second, too. His lower stomach was churning as well, and it felt almost like there was a rock sitting in his stomach. He wanted to feel better so badly. His fingers played with his small ponytail, as they always did when he got anxious. The worst part of this was he knew what food poisoning felt like. He knew that this would last much longer than just a few hours, and he hated nothing more than feeling sick and useless. He needed more than anything a few cuddles from Taehyung once he got Seokjin taking care of Namjoon. Jungkook sighed to himself as he thought about it. A cuddle and a stomach rub from Taehyung was the best thing he could possibly imagine. Just a few more minutes.

A few minutes went faster than Jungkook predicted, and it felt like no time had passed when Taehyung came through the door again, followed by Yoongi this time. Jungkook stood up, “Tae, why is Yoongi here? I thought you were going to get Seokjin,” Jungkook asked.

Taehyung shook his head. “Yoongi said that Seokjin was complaining that his stomach hurt really badly before he went to bed. He ate the sashimi too, so he’s probably sick.” Taehyung paused. “Jungkook, let me take you to my room and get back to bed. You look really pale.”

Jungkook nodded. “Be gentle with him though, Yoongi, he’s so tired.” Yoongi nodded in understanding and kneeled down close to Namjoon as Taehyung helped Jungkook stand up. They were halfway out the door before Yoongi spoke.

“Taehyung. He has a fever of nearly 101 degrees (38.5 celsius). Should I call the staff?” Taehyung turned back around.

“101 isn’t too high. Just let me know if it gets worse. I’m bringing Jungkook to my room, and since I don’t have a roommate right now we won’t wake anyone up. You should bring Namjoon back to your and Seokjin’s bed. Keep an eye on them both, okay?” Taehyung responded, still gently using his hands to stabilize Jungkook.

“Sounds good,” Yoongi said, and Taehyung walked off with Jungkook. "Come on, Kook-ah. Let's get you to rest, hm?"

Yoongi kneels down as well in front of Namjoon who looks in pain, brushing his damp hair slightly, “Joon-ah, let’s rest too?”

#bts sickfic #bts emeto #tw emeto #tw vomit #sick!namjoon #sick!jungkook #caretaker!taehyung #caretaker!yoongi #ryu's collab first part

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toutallyahoe · 3 years

Text

Everybody Talks ~ Iwaizumi Hajime (Haikyuu) pt 1

requested by: --

a/n: i forgot to post this here, lmao whoops

but anyways, had to split this because tumblr cant support 7000+ words asdfghjkll

this is my longest one shot so far, please enjoy it. em begging thee

part one | part two | part three

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"Hey baby won't you look my way?

I can be your new addiction,"

There it goes again, the annoying song that he was already very familiarized with as it was the very same song that his soulmate had been listening non-stop for the past few days. Iwaizumi Hajime doesn't know if his soulmate had a different time zone than his (thirteen hours difference to be exact) or just a psychopath listening to the loud song for the whole night that the dark haired male could barely sleep. And it had been almost a week already!

"Hey baby what you gotta say?

All you're giving me is fiction,"

Hajime doesn't even understood the song that much despite it's catchy tune. It was in, on what he assumed, was english. Yes, it was very catchy song at first as the beat was very enjoyable and the singer had a nice voice— but listening to the song for almost one week straight? It can drive anyone insane. And Iwaizumi Hajime had to deal with listening to the song over and over again in non-stop repeat because of his (probably) psychopath soulmate listen to it in full volume.

"I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time,"

The dark haired male was rather a bit thankful that the volume of the song he was hearing was a bit bearable as whatever song anyone's soulmate was listening too, it was projected to the other about only eighty percent the noise. Still, the song was loud and Hajime wonders if his soulmate would go deaf with how loud the song was playing on their end. Well, if they weren't going deaf already.

"I found out that everybody talks,

Everybody talks, everybody talks,

It started with a whisper!"

Sighing, Hajime stared at the ceiling of his room, a small frown on his lips. God, his soulmate was lowkey an asshole for making him listen to the same song over and over again for the past few days. If he ever finds his soulmate, the dark haired male was sure to beat them up— or at least, be angry at them for making him listen to a song that he could barely sleep.

"And that was when I kissed her!

And then she made my lips hurt!"

Looking at the alarm clock on top of his nightstand beside his bed, the dark haired male let out another annoyed grunt as he saw the time. It was already midnight and he still had school to attend to tomorrow. Not to mention volleyball practice early in the morning aswell.

God, for a moment, Hajime hated the soulmate bond so, so much.

"I could hear the chit chat!

Take me to your love shack!"

But Iwaizumi Hajime also remembered that his soulmate rather had a nice taste in music that even made him listen to his soulmates favorite bands— or at least he assumes they were their favorite bands.

Hajime was stuck with the soulmate bond that let's him hear the song what his soulmate was listening too, and it reminded the dark haired male that his soulmate was somehow sharing a part of themselves to him.

"Mamas always gotta back track!

When everybody talks back!"

Sighing again, Hajime wished he would just smack his soulmate right now.

"Hey honey you could be my drug?

You could be my new prescription,"

Hajime let out an annoyed grunt as he just finished serving and stood outside the court. It was unfortunately out of bounds as he put too much pressure on hitting the ball, but Hajime could barely care about it right now.

"Too much could be an overdose!

All this trash talk make me itchin'!"

Jesus fucking Christ, it was practically by the end of the day, but his soulmate was still listening to the song? The dark haired male now fully believed his soulmate was a psychopath. Period.

"Oh my, my,

Everybody talks, everybody talks,

Everybody talks, too much..."

"Woah, losing your edge there ace!" Hajime turned his head to whoever had said those words and saw it was a fellow third year and (unfortunately) friend of his, Hanamaki Takahiro. The light brown (pink-ish?) haired male had an eyebrow raised towards him but an amused smirk on his lips with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You okay there? Or are you getting old already?" Takahiro snickered as Hajime rolled his eyes at the wing spiker. The light brown (salmon???) haired player was always a bit of a tease along with another third year, Matsukawa Issei. Speaking of the middle blocker, it seemed like the black haired middle blocker also decided to come and join on annoying the dark haired ace.

"You've been also more annoyed than usual," Issei pointed out as he stood next to his light brown (pastel pink???) haired friend with his arms crossed on his chest aswell. "Love the eye bags, by the way," Issei continued as he grinned while Takahiro snickered more at his comment.

"Oh, shut up," Hajime had grunted as he rubbed the temple on his head. The dark haired ace was already tired from the lack of sleep and practicing volleyball even if he do love the sport. He can't deal with his teams bullshit right now.

"Iwa-chan can't sleep because of his soulmate!" Yelled the volleyball captain of the males volleyball club of Aoba Johsai, Oikawa Tōru, who was unfortunately the dark haired male's best friend since childhood from across the court. How did he know what the three were talking about? No one would ever know other than knowing the captain enjoyed gossip and doesn't care if he even gets caught listening to conversations that doesn't include him. Oikawa Tōru had no shame.

Sighing again, Hajime was so fucking done. Of course the chocolate brown haired male would know about his soulmate problem even if he doesn't say anything about it. For some odd reason, Tōru had a sixth sense with him and his soulmate. How annoying.

"Because of your soulmate...?" Takahiro asked, confused. The confusion on his face was immediately then replaced with an amused look as a shit eating grin was replaced the smirk on his lips. Hajime already felt the headache coming.

"That's pretty kinky, not gonna lie," Takahiro said with no shame whatsoever. Obviously his imaginations running wild from the chocolate brown haired male's shout about Hajime and his soulmate. Issei could only chuckle at his friend's words as they both look at the dark haired ace who was slowly losing his sanity and patience.

"But seriously, Iwaizumi. What's the deal with your soulmate?" Issei asked. Finally something Hajime could actually answer and not be teased by the assholes that he calls his teammates and friends. Unfortunately.

"The dumbass hasn't stopped listening to this one song for almost a week now," Hajime grunted as he could still hear the said song in his mind.

"It started with a whisper!

And that was when I kissed her!

And then she made my lips hurt!"

"Really?" Takahiro said, a bit surprised that a measly song would annoy the dark haired ace. Sure, Iwaizumi Hajime was a bit of a hot headed person but he was a hot headed person who can control his temper— unless it's with Oikawa Tōru, then Hajime would not hesitate to beat the shit outta the chocolate haired captain.

"What's so bad with the song?" And it seemed like the black haired middle blocker agreed aswell as Issei asked that question. The taller male didn't know if he should congratulate their ace's soulmate for making the dark haired male so annoyed and irritated for the past few days or feel bad for Hajime.

"The song isn't the problem," Hajime huffed as he saw both Takahiro and Issei look at him with raised brows. Clearly wanting him to elaborate more since they were confused. Sighing, the dark haired male decided to just come out with it. "They just have been playing the song non-stop and it's driving me insane."

"I could hear the chit chat!

Take me to your love shack!"

"What's the song?" The light brown (peach?!?) haired male had asked. Curious on what Hajime's soulmate was listening to. Can you blame him though? Their ace seemed to be a bit secretive with his soulmate, even if they had been teammates and friends for years. Iwaizumi Hajime didn't seemed to like talking about his soulmate, either it be him not liking them or just likes his privacy. It was probably the latter but who knows?

Sighing again, Hajime gestured the two to follow him to the changing room. The practice was almost over anyways and both Takahiro and Issei had finished their serves earlier ago aswell. The dark haired ace was going to let the two third years hear the song he had been listening to for the past few days with his phone. Hajime, after all, downloaded the song his soulmate had been listening to non-stop.

"Mamas always gotta back track!

When everybody talks back!"

Arriving at the changing room with the two males tagging along, Hajime wasted no time going to his assigned locker and opened it up. Taking out his phone and unlocking it, Hajime immediately then went to his music app and searched the song his soulmate had forced him to listen to for almost a week.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day,

When everybody's words got in the way!"

Finding the song, the dark haired ace turned to both his friend and gave them a blank expression as he hit play on the song.

The familiar intro of the song played loud on the device's speaker and it didn't take long for the singer started singing the song that Hajime was song he could sing along perfectly from how much he had heard the song already. The dark haired male had practically memorized the lyrics of the song already and he wasn't even kidding.

"Woah," Issei whistled as he look at the song that was playing in Hajime's phone more closely. "Damn ace, you're soulmate has taste!" The black haired male said. Rather surprised and impressed to the song Hajime's soulmate taste in music.

"It's in english too," Takahiro pointed out. He then turned to look at Issei who looked at him aswell. The two seemed to be communicating without even saying anything, but seeing the furrowed eyebrows and small frown on their lips, Hajime knew what they were thinking.

"Your soulmate is probably in a foreign country..." Takahiro said as he looked back at the dark haired ace. A bit worried but the wing spiker seemed to force a grin on his lips. "That's so cool!"

"Yeah, you're pretty lucky to get a foreign soulmate ace," Issei said. "Imagine getting help with english!" The black haired male chuckled. The two friends continued on listing the positives of having a soulmate who can talk in english and joking about it.

The dark haired ace didn't seemed to listen to the two though.

Hajime knew that there was a huge possibility that his soulmate was in another country than where he was. Soulmates were rarely even in the same cities most of the time, so Hajime fully knows about him maybe not meeting his soulmate. Still, it still hurts to think that his soulmate was far away from him and probably would not meet.

Iwaizumi Hajime didn't considered himself as a hopeless romantic, but it had always been his dream to meet the other person who he had sharing music to since he was seven years old.

There were two reasons why Hajime hated sharing about his soulmates music taste. First was that it hurts to be reminded that Hajime would only hear the song his soulmate was listening to and most of the time those songs were in english and were too loud for his liking. Sure, his soulmate listened to some mellow song aswell like lo-fi and even taking note on songs he listened too aswell, but his soulmate seemed to enjoy the upbeat and loud ones a lot.

Second was that Hajime felt like the music he listened from his soulmate were sacred. It was a silly thing to think but for the dark haired ace, the music and songs his soulmate was listening too, it was only for him to listen to and only him alone.

God, perhaps Iwaizumi Hajime was a hopeless romantic. Or at least, a little bit of a hopeless romantic with how he thinks about some dumb songs his soulmate was listening too.

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next >

#iwaizumi x male reader #iwaizumi hajime x male reader #hajime x male reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #hajime #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu #hq x male reader #hq #x male reader #male reader insert #male reader #top male reader #seme male reader

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beggingwolf · 3 years

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hi so I've just eaten too much ice cream, feel vaguely ill, and I'm here to tell you All About How I Failed At Outlining for SGKF this year!

that's partially just a fun tagline, but it's also a bit true. I told my friends I'd be trying to use several different outlining methods to try and knock out a plotty piece for the fest, and things did not go to plan!

important to begin with: I am what is referred to as a "pantser." I tend to just start writing. this is strangely contradictory to my personality, which deeply loves plans. unfortunately, what often happens is plans and outlines ruin my excitement and drive while working on a project (it tricks me into thinking I've done all the work and resolved the plot), leading me to abandon it.

and though I can throw together pretty words and made a decent fic, my fics never turned out as good as they could have been. I kept telling myself that if I planned in advanced and worked out what I was doing BEFORE I did it, I'd be able to craft a fic with such care and attention as to make it really SHINE.

so, uh, kinkfest rolls around, and since I was a mod I could see all the prompts before they even got released to the public, so I basically had a WHOLE EXTRA two-ish weeks to start planning and writing.

did I? NO.

so, despite the fact that I collect writing advice like a magpie , I'm not the greatest at implementing it. if you go into my SGKF google folder, you'll find a few instances of me TRYING to implement writing advice like metawriting:

(and you'll see some fics that didn't get finished/make it into the fest!)

my issue was (and still is) that I think I value every little word too much. this is a bad thing: I'm an overwriter by nature. when I get words down, I want to keep them because I feel like I worked hard for them, even if they're not great or don't actually serve the story in the way they should. that's not to say all my metawriting was bad; it wasn't. I tried it out for A Drowning in California as well [which will henceforth just be referred to as "California").

I had a whole subfolder for California. what kind of amazed me is how different my initial notes for the prompt are from what the story actually ended up being. here, take a look:

literally almost none of this is in california. the WWE and UFC stuff made it in, and so did sid wrestling with horny, but that was it. I was going to start this fic in the locker room, with sid wrestling someone, and it was seriously going to be a story about sex—about sid wanting to hold geno down in bed. that was the premise.

and instead, we got a really emotional story about familial rejection and the isolation it can make people feel. SO! something happened along the way, right?

when I started getting into the plot that would support this supposed sexfest, this is where I went at first:

geno wants the relationship to get serious, sid is like mentally still a 12 year old who just wants to wrestle people and doesn't want to talk about his emotions, and prefers to use physicality to communicate. this doesn't work for geno, who wants ... more

we can start to see the actual emotions come through, the things I was interested in: sid using touch to talk, and geno desperately wanting more

what did the most good for me, in the end, was "doing" the metawriting by talking with my friends.

I told them what i thought this story was about ("I'm thinking about making this a story about relationship-defining, maybe? and the communication needed for a lasting adult relationship? I think I'm going to set it in california/LA, where Sid has invited Geno along for the first time for his California Summer Fun/Training/Escape, whatever, and Geno's going to be emotionally preoccupied with Defining The Relationship—maybe they've been on-again-off-again? maybe they're just new to this, like almost a year deep, and they're not getting younger—and thinking this trip is about that [or hoping this trip is about that, and realizing it isn't, and being disappointed].") and they told me what jumped out at them.

Jes told me what would ramp up the tension would be a deadline of some sort; "Geno’s going to break up with Sid or make some decision or something, or there’s something approaching where they have to make a will they or won’t they decision of some kind related to the core ‘defining the relationship’ issue. Geno’s going back to russia and in previous summers they’ve always slept with other people while apart? or Sid has a wedding coming up and he’s offhandedly mentioned taking someone else as his plus one?"

I liked her thoughts. it made sense to add an external pressure to all this, and that wedding idea stuck out to me the most.

Lis said I should add a jealousy angle, so you can largely credit her for the club scene: "one thing i like to sort of headcanon/imply about sid's california trips is he uses them to hook up anonymously. so you could have, like, sid and geno seeing sid's friends, but also accidentally running into some of sid's friends. and geno's like oh, great, so here i am doing this horrible summertime training that i hate because i don't need to train in the offseason actually, and i'm learning what exactly sid gets up to when we're apart."

My magical solution these days is GOING FOR WALKS. do it if you're able. it clears out your brain. so on my walks I ended up deciding that I wanted a taylor crosby wedding. I like taylor as a character, and as a person with sisters I just like writing her in. best of all, she and sid are close and I like writing "I'd do anything for my family" sid.

and then I was like. oh. what if it's not that sid is afraid/nervous to bring geno, it's that he can't.

I... wasn't as conflicted as I thought I'd be about writing sid's parents as homophobic. I prefer to write them as supportive; I think troy crosby's been eviscerated more than he should have been in older fanworks, and though I respect their right to make fictional!troy whatever they want, I've been a little skeptical of outlandish takes on him ("he doesn't say I love you to his son because a camera caught them mid-interaction once!") ever since I read how the media has found him a convenient narrative villain while he tried to keep his underage son safe from the media as a child and while they needed to cook up Spicy Stories about squeaky-clean sid.

uh, tangent aside, I always thought I'd never write a "parents are the villains" story, but I did here. it felt right. it was easier, too, because they're not PRESENT in the story. I didn't have to write trina actually being horrible to her son. I just had to skirt the edges of the wound.

which works well on two fronts: I don't have to actively write the crosbys being horrible to sid, and I also leave more to the imagination of the reader, and that almost never fails to make the work better. whatever the reader imagines them saying to sid, it's going to be 10x more hurtful than anything I'd write.

I dug really deep on some personal emotions and fears I experience as a gay person for a lot of sid's arc here. sid is deeply imperfect in this story, and he's internalizing his pain and the horrible thing that's happened to him, which is making him pull away from his partner, and sid is not responding how geno wants, nor is he responding well, period, though he's trying in his own wounded, stilted way.

and beloved geno, whose tender heart is so hidden away for fear of someone hurting it. I really like writing geno; he's huffy and emotional and sometimes bitchy and feels things SO deeply.

once I had more of an idea, I was already working on a more detailed outline. this is where I seriously took Jes's advice and WROTE EVERYTHING OUT! it made it so much less daunting, because I didn't have to be figuring out my next steps AND crafting sentences at the same time. also this is where I tell you that the title of this post is mostly a lie, it was metawriting I failed at.

This outline also meant I avoided writing large swaths of things that should've been cut. Another beta told me I should delete three scenes and condense a bunch of emotions into the club scene, and she was SO right. Cutting events out of an outline is WAY easier than cutting out pages of text.

Ironically my outline kind of deteriorated after the club scene, but that's alright: after I wrote the club scene, I actually had a clear vision of what I wanted the end to be. I just had to trust myself. I CAN do this, I CAN still just write intuitively sometimes!

I think California did what I wanted it to do. I'd love to try something out that's longer and has more story arcs in it (jes has a post for that too!) but I think that's best saved for another, longer project, though 18k isn't short.

next up is maggie stief's writing seminar that I bought a month back. I'm going to start working on that this month and see how I like it. I have a few halloween fic ideas, plus spookfest, so these next two months we should be cooking in the kitchen!

#on writing

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