#and quietly goes you got a problem with her having a panic attack

[ganseyth]

The Date

PREVIOUS PART | MASTERLIST | NEXT PART

Part: 9

Pairing: Jason Todd x Female Reader

Length: 2.7k

Warnings: mention of stalking, minor swearing

basically everything jason says in this chapter about bruce and batman and his injury is all a lie to some degree - he’s just making it up as he goes to protect their secret identities- hope you enjoy!

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When you woke up, there was a steady hand moving up and down your back. You opened your eyes slowly, blinking up at Jason while he read what appeared to be Jane Eyre.

His hand stopped when he noticed you looking at him.

"How long was I out?" You asked pretending not to notice that his hand was still on your back.

He looked down at you with a grin, "About an hour."

You sat up and stretched, letting his hand fall from your body.

"How's your head?" you asked, sitting up to get a good look at him. He had dark circles underneath his eyes but other than that he seemed to be fine despite his injury.

He shrugged, running a hand through his hair, briefly touching the bump on his head. "It'll take more than a little head injury to take me down."

"How could I forget," you said poking him in his ribs, "you're invincible Mr. Bodyguard."

"Well, I wouldn't say that." He smiled.

"Are my parents home yet?" You asked, reaching for your phone to check the time.

It was only half past five. They were probably getting ready to make Christmas Eve Dinner.

He nodded. "Yeah. They got here about thirty minutes ago."

You hummed, glancing around the room. You really didn't want to get out of bed yet.

"Do you think my parents will get mad if we skip dinner…" you groaned, leaning back onto your pillow with your arms crossed against your chest.

Jason laughed. "I don't think they're going to enjoy being left alone with your sister and her fiancé," he answered.

You sighed again. "I wouldn't want to subject them to that kind of torture…" you mumbled.

"Speaking of your sisters' fiancé…" He replied, bumping his shoulder against yours. "Do you want to tell me what happened before I came downstairs this morning?"

You hesitated. "What do you mean?"

The smirk on his face told you everything you needed to know. "Don't act like you don't know."

You sighed again. "It was just an argument."

"About?"

"My ex and his…" you replied quietly. "Well just him being a creep."

"We already knew that though." He raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What'd he say?"

Your lips twisted into a frown. "If I tell you then you'll have to tell me what your panic attack earlier was about."

You knew it was a low blow as that was his business, but two could play at this game. You had no intention of pushing the issue but if he happened to take the deal then it wouldn't matter because, in some twisted way, it was his decision to spill.

Jason considered it for a minute. "Deal," he said finally.

You took a deep breath.

"He's keeping tabs on me." You admitted thinking back to this morning. "My sister's fiancé is his little spy."

"That son of a bitch." His voice was quiet.

"And he-" Your voice broke off into silence. How could you tell him your ex had a target on his back? "He is keeping tabs on you as well. I'm so sorry-"

He cut you off. "Don't apologize, love," he said, taking your hands in his. "None of this is your fault. He's just some dumb prick with a stalking problem."

"But-"

He shook his head. "He can't touch me if that's what you're worried about."

"But-"

He shook his head again. "He doesn't scare me." There was a hint of anger in his tone. "I've dealt with worse than him."

You looked at his face and wondered how many times as a bodyguard he had gotten physical with his client's angry partners.

Still, his confidence gave you some hope.

"Okay, so what about you?" you asked tentatively, not wanting to push him too hard because it was his medical history after all.

He frowned. "It's a difficult story to tell so I'll just let you know the basics."

He paused and took a breath before continuing.

"Before Bruce took me in I was just some kid on the street looking for my next meal," he let out a small laugh, "I was in the wheels business as the kids like to call it."

You raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"A lot of kids try to steal tires off of any new cars in the area to earn a little bit of cash." He continued. "It wasn't much money but it helped when you had gone days without food."

Your stomach sank, you couldn't imagine a young starving Jason roaming the streets.

"I worked one job that looking at it now was just the pure spite of an eleven-year-old," he laughed, "oh man you should have seen the look on Batman's face when he realized a kid had stolen a tire off of the Batmobile."

You let out a shocked laugh. "No, you didn't!"

"Oh yeah," he snorted. "Even Bruce to this day swears Batman told him to keep his cars far away from me."

You smiled. "So I take it Batman left you in the care of Bruce?"

He smiled sadly. "Yeah. Can't say it was the best decision but it was nice to have a place to stay and a family to hang out with."

He paused again. "Four years after that night I had gotten in a pretty bad accident."

You gave him a sympathetic look. You hated it when kids got hurt, you had seen your fair share of injuries in the past few years from kids living in Gotham.

"Anyway, I had snuck out of the manor one night to go in search of my birth mom. It was a mistake. Turns out she wasn't who I thought she was and a gang of thugs picked me up."

Jason glanced over to you as you let out a gasp. "They beat the shit out of me and left me outside until Bruce tracked me down."

You reached for his hand, hoping to offer some comfort.

He squeezed your hand gently. "The doctors said that I had a pretty bad head injury and we found out that I would experience some pretty bad panic attacks as a result."

You nodded. "So earlier… when you hit your head you were sent back to that night?"

"Pretty much," he nodded. "But I've been able to snap out of it pretty fast."

"Oh Jason I'm so sorry," you didn't know what else to say.

"Don't worry about it, love." He said with a shrug. "So what does your family usually do for Christmas Eve?"

You smiled slightly. "My mom is more than likely making a feast downstairs as we speak."

"Sounds amazing." He grinned gently patting his stomach. "I'm starving."

You felt guilty that you forgot to ask him if he was hungry earlier and you knew he was too nice to go wandering around the house looking for a snack.

"There's also going to be a gift exchange after dinner," you sighed thinking back to how you didn't get Jason anything, "it's sort of a tradition for couples to get each other something. I can't believe I forgot all about it."

"Don't worry." He said as he got up from the bed to walk towards his suitcase. "I picked myself out a little present on your behalf."

You smiled. "Thanks."

You watched as he pulled out a small gift with parchment paper wrapping. As he walked back across the room he handed you the package which you noticed was in the shape of a book. He leaned against the edge of the bed watching as you carefully removed the tape to see what was inside.

Your eyes widened as you looked down at what you'd opened in confusion. "You got yourself a book?"

"Not exactly."

You hummed softly as you examined the cover of the novel. You then realized it wasn't a novel at all but a leather journal.

"Wow," you breathed softly. "Jason this is stunning. Do you like to write?"

He smiled. "I consider myself to be an aspiring artist of sorts."

You turned to look at him. "Really?"

He nodded. "I use them to write and draw whatever comes to me at a certain moment."

"Then this is the perfect gift," you smiled brightly. "I can't believe I got this for you. I must be some amazing girlfriend."

He chuckled. "It's almost like I picked it out myself."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Wait then what did you get me?"

He shrugged. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Jason!" you whined.

"Sorry sweetheart but you'll just have to wait and see tonight."

You rolled your eyes as you turned back to the journal and started wrapping it up again. You couldn't help but feel curious as to what the mysterious gift Jason had got for you. I mean he didn't really know you so it had to be a gift card or maybe a gift basket of lotion that everyone seemed to get around the holidays.

As you finished wrapping the package you handed it back to Jason who placed it back on the bed.

"Do you think we should go downstairs?" you asked.

"I think that depends," he said with a smirk.

"On what?"

"Are you ready to go downstairs?" He pressed.

You hesitated. "If we have to."

Jason nodded as you stood up from bed grabbing the present to bring it downstairs to put under the tree. He followed suit and grabbed another smaller present from his bag. Before you could snoop any further he placed it in his pocket and headed towards the stairs.

You followed close behind with a smile on your face as your realized both of you were in your pajamas.

You made it downstairs and to the kitchen where your mom had just finished setting the table. She turned to look at the two of you curiously.

"Don't you two look cute!” She said excitedly. "And please go put those presents in the living room."

The both of you put your presents under the tree before taking your seats at the table. You noticed he didn't mention his injury so you decided to leave it alone. Your parents had been too busy at the time to notice why you left in a hurry.

You watched as your other family members quickly made it to the table ready to eat. Your mom had taken it upon herself to sit next to Jason which was a blessing in disguise and your dad took the seat across from her, your sister and her fiancé following suit so that your sister sat in front of you and her fiancé in front of Jason.

There was a quick glare sent from Jason to your future brother-in-law but you ignored it. Jason could scare him all he wanted and you were happy to let him.

Surprisingly enough it was quite a nice family meal even if your sister kept glancing at you and Jason with a smirk. You tried your best not to notice that she kept staring as Jason was talking and taking note of every time he nudged your knee under the table. It didn't take long for her to get caught when your mother commented on her plate still being very full despite having sat at the table for the past hour.

After the dinner was over you helped your dad clear the dishes from the table as your mom announced she would be starting a fire in the living room to help keep the house warm.

When the fire was lit and the table was clear Jason came up behind you and whispered into your ear. "Do you want to sit on my lap?"

You blushed lightly before nodding slowly, giving yourself a second to prepare for the PDA you were about to show in front of your family. As you both sat down on the couch he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you to his chest. You leaned back into him resting your head on his shoulder.

As the two of you continued to cuddle together your mom announced that she would play Santa and went to grab the gifts everyone had placed under the tree. You raised your brow questioningly at your sister as you noticed she and her fiancé didn't have any gifts for each other.

She just smiled back in return.

You looked between them and frowned knowing whatever they had planned couldn't be good.

You felt a small chuckle behind you and glanced at Jason who was smiling. He leaned forward and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek.

"That can't be good."

Before your could answer your mother handed you the small box Jason had gotten you and the parchment-wrapped gift he had gotten for himself.

You glanced from the box to your mother who was now seated on the couch next to your dad.

She nodded towards your dad as he held a small box in his hands.

"You can go first, honey."

He slowly unwrapped the gift from your mom only to reveal a new mug for your dad to add to his collection. Your mom then in turn opened her gift from your dad to reveal a lovely crochet scarf. Once they shared a brief kiss which you had to admit was cute they gestured towards you to open your gifts.

"Open mine first Jason."

He smirked before opening the gift. He gasped slightly to add some dramatic flare and pulled out the journal he had secretly picked out for himself.

You couldn't help but laugh as he flipped through the pages pointing out to your mom all the specific details that went into its design. After he gave you a small kiss on your nose he nodded toward his gift sitting in your lap.

You opened it slowly trying not to seem too eager in figuring out what he had picked out before he met you.

Once you saw what was inside your eyes found his.

"Jason?"

"Yes sweetheart?" He said leaning back against the couch.

You shook your head and laughed softly. You couldn't believe what you were looking at. Inside the small box was the prettiest necklace you had ever seen. It was a small thin gold chain with a beautiful pearl resting in the middle. It had to have cost a small fortune and the craftmanship alone was breathtaking.

He smiled softly at you. "Do you want me to put it on you?"

"Yeah," you said breathlessly, still trying to find the words to express your gratitude.

Lifting your hair you allowed Jason to slip the necklace over your neck. You felt your heart pounding as the necklace rested perfectly against your throat. The feeling of something so extravagant around your neck was overwhelming, to say the least.

Once it was clasped you turned to face him.

"Thank you," you said softly.

He simply nodded in response before placing a small peck on your lips. You both turned to your family and took in their lovely expressions.

Your mom looked at Jason with so much love in her eyes you almost came close to coming clean about the whole situation.

"Jason it's beautiful," she breathed happily. "My daughter is so lucky to have someone like you in her life."

You found yourself agreeing with the statement as you leaned back against his chest. You smiled as he wrapped his arm around your waist and placed a small kiss on the top of your head.

"Ok our turn," you heard your sister say as she reached for the envelope you had seen earlier. She handed it to your parents before reaching for her fiancé's hand. "It's from the both of us!"

Your parents shared a look while reading the contents before turning back to your sister.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes!" She answered enthusiastically.

They shared a smile before handing the envelope back to them.

"What is it?" You said, annoyed that they had yet to announce what was going on.

Your sister grinned at you and you could've sworn her fiancé smirked at Jason.

"We're getting married tomorrow!"

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tag list:

@theautisticduck @igotanidea @princessbl0ss0m @parkjammys @escapism-r-us @awolfofartemis @drwmatic @letmebebatmanpls

#jason todd x reader #dc jason todd #fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd #jason todd fanfic #jason todd imagine #!thedatejason #redhood x reader #dc red hood #red hood #red hood x reader

[heavyhitterheaux]

I Love You

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Jack always makes sure his baby is okay and vice versa 🥺

Synopsis: You go missing one day in school and once Jack finds out you're sick, he immediately goes into protective boyfriend mode.

Pairing: Baby!Jack Harlow x Baby!Reader

Requested by: one of my gorgeous anons 😘

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Jack was about to have a panic attack because he couldn't find his girlfriend of one year.

He had driven you both to school that morning and you both shared the first three classes of the day and he then walked you to your next class before kissing you and promising to come and get you when it was over.

Only problem is class was most definitely over and there was no sign of you.

He sent you several messages that went unanswered and he was about to elect your entire friend group to help him find you.

Jack- Babe, where are you? I'm here waiting for you 😕

Jack- Y/N, what's going on? Is everything okay?

Jack- Baby girl if you don't answer I'm about to call in the National Guard to come find you 😫

He then found Urban waiting for him at the top of the hallway. They met in the same spot just about every day.

He noticed how panicked he looked and immediately asked what was wrong.

"What is going on?"

"Have you seen Y/N?"

"No, not since third period."

"Somethings wrong because I always come to get her after fourth period and she wasn't there."

"Did you text her?"

"Multiple times and she's not answering."

"I'm sure there's a reason. She wouldn’t just up and leave."

"But she would have told me." Jack sighed as he ran his hands through his curls. 

He needed to know that you were okay before he could even think of focusing in the rest of his classes for the day.

Just then he spotted Shloob and immediately questioned him. If you weren’t with Jack, you usually were with Urban, Shloob, 2fo, Ace Pro, Quiiso, or Nemo. Somebody had to know something at this point because he was desperate. 

"Shloob! Have you seen Y/N!?"

"No, I thought she would be swapping spit with you."

"We can't find her and Jack is about to have a panic attack." Urban added.

"About to? It looks like he's having one right now."

"Shut the fuck up Shloob. I need to find my girl and make sure she’s okay."

Just then a girl named Victoria was walking past them and Jack knew you had fourth period with her and asked her if she knew where you were.

"Y/N fainted in class so her mom came to get her."

Jack, Urban, and Shloob collectively yelled.

"WHAT!?!"

"Urb, get my homework for me. I'm leaving to check on her." 

–

Jack raced to your house to make sure that you were okay and continued to panic on the way there while also trying not to get a speeding ticket.

Once there, he parked at his house and made his way across the street.

He noticed that both of your parents as well as your sister's car were gone so he got the spare key under the mat and entered the house.

He knew you would be in your room and took the steps two at a time.

He reached the end of the hallway and saw how your door was open and you were laying down looking pitiful.

"BABY!"

"Hi, smush." You quietly said before reaching your arms out for him to come and hug you.

"Do not scare me like that. Why didn't you answer me?!" Jack asked as he kicked off his shoes and laid down next to you and immediately embraced you.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just… it was weird. I was talking to Victoria one minute and then I don't know what happened after."

"Has this ever happened before?"

"No, and they don't really know why it happened."

"I was about to lose my shit."

"I'm so sorry for making you worry. But I feel okay now, just tired. My mom had to go back to work but she said to call her if I needed her. She felt really guilty having to go back."

"But I'm here now to keep an eye on you."

"Wait… you should be in class!" You exclaimed, realizing what time it was.

"Not when my girl needs me. I need to make sure you're okay. Urb will get my homework for me."

"Thanks for being such an amazing boyfriend. Don't know what I would do without you." You said while smiling up at him.

"I'm doing what any boyfriend would do. You're important to me." Jack responded while kissing the top of your head.

"You are always good for making me cry!" You don’t know how in the world you got so lucky in the boyfriend department but you were so thankful for it.

"No, don't cry! I just…."

"You just what, smush?" 

"I love you and I always want to make sure my girl is okay."

Your breath hitched in your throat realizing what Jack had just told you.

This was the first time he ever told you that.

And if you were trying to hold in the waterworks before, there was no stopping them now.

"You… love me?" You asked while looking up at him and of course he was blushing something serious and he wiped away some of the stray tears that had fallen.

He simply nodded and you couldn't do anything but smile.

"Well, I love you too, Jackman Thomas." You said while kissing him and he brought you in closer so that you were laying on him.

Just then Jack got a text from Urban on his phone checking to make sure you were okay.

Urban- is she okay? I got the homework for both of you. I’ll come by later.

—

Jack- yes, she's fine

Jack had been getting on PG’s nerves all day because a key asset of Private Garden was missing, 

You.

You had left early to go to the studio in order to record a few songs for your second album 777 and finalize the tracklist for it and had elected your best friends to keep your husband occupied. 

Jack thought that you would have been back by now seeing how early you left, so he was currently in his feelings while PG was doing their best to distract him.

“Ehhhh I miss my wife.”

“We know!” They collectively said as they all rolled their eyes.

“You have literally been telling us the last six hours.”

“She should have been back by nowwww.”

“Well, did you call her? Text her?”

“Yeah and she said she was almost done, but that was an hour ago.”

“You two are down bad for each other, talk about a pair of simps.” 2fo stated as he watched Jack throw his head back in frustration. 

“Been that way since they were 14 when they both laid eyes on each other.” Urban added while remembering the day clearly. Jack immediately told him about you and the rest is history.

“And it won’t be changing any time soon.”

“Maybe yall will understand when yall get married. That’s my other half. I hate being away from her.”

“She’s coming back Jack, good lord.”

“Unless she runs away and elopes with Giveon.”

“Oh shit!”

“AYO!” 

“Quiiso, take it back or I’ll kill you right now.”

“But then again she always shares her location with Jack so he would catch them and murder Giveon and hide his body.”

“You damn right, he should know better than to come near my baby.”

All while this is going on, PG is texting you to come home so that Jack would stop complaining about missing you so much.

Urban- Bestie, pleaseeee come home. Your man is going through it

Quiiso- I told him a joke about Giveon and he didn’t like that too much, I need you to defend me

Ace Pro- Y/N, WE CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MORE

2fo- Look, I know you asked us to keep your man company while you were gone but got damn just take him with you next time. He is stressing my ass out.

Nemo- Please tell me that you’re almost done because I’m about to jump out the window if I hear Jack complain about missing you one more time

Shloob- I’m not gonna lie, I need to be compensated for all the trouble I’ve gone through in the last few hours

You- I’m on my way back, I promise lol

Within another 45 minutes, Jack was once again complaining when he heard your key in the door.

“THANK GOD SHE’S HERE!” Quiiso exclaimed before letting out a sigh of relief. 

You opened the door to be immediately picked up by Jack and your legs immediately went around his waist as you kissed him.

“Hi, my baby.”

“I missed you.” Jack replied while hugging you tighter.

“I wasn’t even gone that long!”

“Shit, long enough!”

“On that note, we are gone because clearly Jack doesn’t enjoy our company as much as he does yours.”

Jack immediately sucked his teeth while he was still holding you.

“Yes I do!”

“LIES! You were only concerned about Y/N this entire time. Every few minutes, Y/N this, Y/N that. Urb…. I do not want to switch places with you. I don’t see how you do it.”

“I am not that bad!”

“YES YOU ARE!”

“It’s okay, smush. They’re a bunch of haters. But thank yall for keeping him company.”

“Please take his ass with you next time, got damn.”

You immediately laughed before running your hands through his curls.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“You know you can put me down now.” You said while laughing and kissed his nose.

“Hmm, no I don’t think so. You were gone too long.” Jack says as he walked back to the couch and sat back down with you now on his lap.

“You would think her ass was about to disappear the way he’s acting.” Shloob mumbled and Jack rolled his eyes.

“I heard that!”

All you did was laugh before moving to the far end of the couch and Jack immediately flopped down on top of you and you kissed his forehead as he laid on your chest. 

“Love you smush.”

“Love you too, baby girl.”

Liked by jackharlow, y/ninsta, jackandy/naremyparents, saweetie, druski2funny, and 2,268,901 others

urbanwyatt: some things never change. jackharlow has been in the same position on y/ninsta's chest since she came home 2 hours ago 😭😭😭

jackharlow: and what about it?!

y/ninsta: I don’t see the problem Urby lol

2forwoyne: y/ninsta the damn problem was your husband terrorizing us all day because he missed you 🙄

jackharlow: 2forwoyne I wasn’t even that bad!

privategarden: jackharlow all of the other members beg to differ 😐

y/ninsta: privategarden 😭😭😭😭

jackharlow: yall some haters

saweetie: you know how those two get about the other one

jackandy/naremyparents: LOOK AT MOM AND DAD!

quiiso: not to mention jackharlow’s big ass head on y/ninsta’s chest. I just knew he was about to make her stop breathing

jackharlow: quiiso imma kick your ass

urbanwyatt: LMAOOOOOOO 

y/ninsta: jackharlow it is starting to get a little heavy

jackharlow: y/ninsta then I’ll switch which boob I’m laying on 😊

y/ninsta: jackharlow I am so done with you 😭😭

jackharlow: y/ninsta or you can just take your shirt off so I can give them my undivided attention. that works too.

urbanwyatt: NO! DO NOT! I AM STILL HERE!

jackharlow: urbanwyatt well uhhh can you go get us food and come back in let’s say two hours?

urbanwyatt: jackharlow 2 HOURS?!?!

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt love ya Urby. Don’t forget the hot sauce for my wings. oh and get some pizza too!

urbanwyatt: jackharlow y/ninsta imma get yall back for this one day. mark my words. 

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

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@hoya122

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #Spotify

[lilacwineandthesinkingsun]

There is nothing i could say to make it all just go away...

AN: i got the feels after this weekend, and i am fed up, so like.. i am putting my current needs in this. (Fiancé won't see it but i just need to let it all out)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

You have been married with Bjorn for months. As the time went you had seen him a little less every week. You talked even less.. You wanted to please him, to be a good wife for him so badly, you lost yourself. You decided to just stay quiet all the time, out went your cheery, talkative self. Everything you said was a problem. Then any facial expressions you had shown were a problem... then you opted for a pokerface. Everyone who knew you worried about you. They had seen the change. You seemed like an empty shell. Bjorn always complained about you to everyone. How he hates this new quiet, obedient self..which HE made, he just couldn't see it. You pushed down all your anxiety, all your needs, all your problems. You were a quietly ticking bomb.

Ubbe was the only one who tried to talk to you. When you went down to the stream to wash clothes he walked with you, he helped you bring back the damp clothes. He asked how you were, he soothed you when you had a panic attack. He had told you that everything will be alright.

-Nothing's gonna be alright Ubbe. And the funny thing is, i don't even care anymore.

-What do you mean you dont care (Y/n)?

You just looked at him and sighed with the same pokerface.

-Just what i said. I don't care anymore. - before you turned around and left.

It unsettled him greatly, and he knew Bjorn won't be home tonight either, so he camped out on a rooftop near your hut, just to make sure.

Sure enough, under the moonlight when everyone was asleep, you walked out to the shore, going in the icy water but only till your ankles were in it. You stood there, looking up at the sky, swiping off a stray tear before going back inside.

A week later Ubbe founf you in the forest gathering mushrooms.

-Your hand is shaking badly.. - he said as you jumped back startled, then immediately wincing in pain.

-You startled me... - you answered.

-Why are you shaking and wincing so badly? - he asked stepping closer, but you stepped backwards.

-I am cold, that's all. - you said before lifting up your basket, trying your best not to let your face contort in pain. Then you both saw it. Blood started to soak the sleeve of your dress. You looked at him briefly before basically running away. He tried to follow you, but then he thought it's best if not.. Bjorn was gonna come home two weeks from now, he could talk to him... or maybe it's best if he goes to Lagertha?

He went with the latter.

-So it has become that bad huh? I am devastated to hear that.. it should've never come this.. - Lagherta said as she looked over you as you poored ale to some folks. The faint scar on your arms sometimes showing from under your dress. Bjorn used to love you so much.. He begged his mother to let him marry you all his life. And now that you were his, he treated you so badly, you'd rather die by your own hands or by the icy water, than to leave him.. The once strong woman was broken, and groomed.. By the very man who fell in love with her for the way she was.. Bjorn came to the great hall, and sat beside his mother. With a sigh he asked:

-What is bothering you mother? - but Lagertha didn't even look towards him, she just watched you with worry.

-If you cannot treat her right, if you cannot love her... another will.. - she said as Ubbe took the jug from your hands to help. You smiled him briefly. This was the first emotion anyone has seen from you in months. Only then saw Bjorn how dim your light was. Was it him that made you so miserable? No, it cannot be, he would never hurt you.. Just when he was about to look away, he saw Ubbe discovering the scars on your arms. He caressed them with worry as he looked at Lagertha then Bjorn, before they looked at eachother. That's when you excused yourself. You were broken yes, but you don't need their pity.

They were searching for you for hours before Lagertha saw you standing high above the water on the edge of the cliff. She did not say a word, just pointed at you. Ubbe didn't need another word or look, he started to sprint up to you, Bjorn right after him., only a few minutes later..

When he got up, he heard you talking weakly.

-I'll give up Valhalla just for it to end. I cannot live this way Ubbe. I fell in love with someone who was in love with me for years, only to change and break me when he got me. And now he despises me for who i am, for who he made me to be. And the worst is, he will never see it Ubbe. I am just as worthless as i was for my family. You need to let me go. -Bjorn started to ran for you, but you silently fell backwards, not minding if there's cliffs under you, or just plain ground, not minding the Icy water.. Ubbe stopped Bjorn before he could've jump in after you.

-If the gods will keep her alive, she will need you alive as well... - he said before walking down back to Kattegat, tears gathering in his eyes. The rest of the sons and most of the shieldmaidens were already in boats, sailing out to search for you. All without success.. They came back after two hours. It was a lost cause. A sadness swept over Kattegat. Now that you were gone, they realized the littlest things they missed in everyday life. They cried for you, grieved you. At dawn, Ubbe and Bjorn were sitting on the cliff you jumped off from.

-I would've taken her from you... she didn't deserve how you treated her after all those years of longing...

-I see it now.. I was wrong.. She deserved to be loved more than i ever did...If only i could turn back time.. - Bjorn said as they looked over the fjord as the sun started to shine on their face.

They did not notice the commotion at the docks... only when Hvitserk ran up to them..

-Lagertha found her... quick.. - he shouted.

They looked at eachother then ran.

BY the time they got back, Lagertha was coming out of your room. Two shieldmaidens standing in the way.

They looked at her questioning.

-You cannot go in there.. not after what went down... - she said looking Bjorn up and down.

-She is my wife.. - he said nose flaring.

Lagherta turned back and pointed at his chest.

-Yes.. yes she is, and she is on her deathbed because of it.. -before she walked away.

A week later you were still not getting any better. You woke up, but you did not want to see anyone. Therefore only Lagertha came into your room, trying to feed you three times a day.

Even to her you did not say anything. You just laid on your side. Every time she left your room Ubbe and Bjorn was by her side, hoping for some improvement. She just shook her head before leaving.

Bjorn visited the Seer in desperation.

-Will she survive?

-She will..... if.. the fool sees it's mistakes and fill the hollowed shell again..but i see another... it won't be easy Bjorn Ironside... - he said before holding out his palm for Bjorn.

The next time he went for Lagertha for updates he sighed before saying

-I need to go in there mother..

-Why you? .. - she asked.

-I.. i need to make it right.. if.. if she want's to divorce me then so be it... but look at us.. Kattegat needs her.. - she nodded at him, then the shield-maidens let him in.

He stopped for a second looking at your small, fragile, lifeless form before stepping closer, taking your hand.

You weakly looked into his eyes.

-If you want me to i'll let you go. I see my mistakes now.. perhaps you were never meant to be mine.. I was just lucky enough to get you. I should've taken better care of it.. - he said.

-I was never the one for you.. never good enough... - you whispered.

-You were the best..Kattegat needs you... I need you.. - he pleaded before looking over to the food left there.

-You never needed me Bjorn... - you said before tears started streaming just as well as his. His hold tightened on your hand as he kissed your knuckles.

-You are in love with Ubbe don't you? - he said in anger and you winced as his hold tightened on your arm.- Did you lay with him? - he asked nearly shouting. He was ready to hit you before Ubbe barged in with Lagertha.

-If she was in love with Ubbe would've she try to kill herself? - Lagertha asked. - AT this point i wish she was in love with him... I am disappointed in you son.. You have begged me for years only to toss it out the window.. Then she nearly dies and all you can think of is she'd lay with someone else... well... son.. Did you? - she asked before Bjorn stormed out... giving his answer.

Ubbe laid next to you and let you cry into his chest. He soothed you.. When you calmed down and was nearly asleep, he caressed your back as he said

-You don't need to love me or marry me... it is fine if i am just a friend.. just let me be here, let me take care of you, protect you...

That night you fell asleep in his embrace.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 years later you were walking towards the cliff. It was summer, your dress flowed around you in the light wind. Ubbe smiled at you from the end of the cliff, the entirety of Kattegat was there. You were friends for most of the time... then one day he confessed, and you realized you wouldn't be with anyone else. He was with you trough thick and thin... No matter the cost. He loved you the way you were... You were finally happy.

#bjorn x you #bjorn ragnarsson #bjorn x reader #bjorn ironside #ubbe lothbrok #ubbe x you #ubbe x reader #ubbe ragnarsson #ubbe #fanfic #vikings

[defiantbird]

(This isn't the same person as estranged childhood bestie. That one is actually keeping in touch with me more lately.)

I had a friend I was really close with starting in middle school and through college. Even so, we were always pretty different. She's normal, has normal interests, is highly likable and pretty much had no one who disliked her. I've always been odd and nerdy and bad at interacting with people. But she never acted like there was anything wrong with me, even though all her friends definitely thought I was weird as hell. We bonded over having depression and anxiety. I have two particular memories of this: her holding my hand and leading me away from a crowd when I had a panic attack at Warped Tour, and breaking down at her house after her birthday party because my relationship was hanging on my a thread and I'd been pretending to be ok all night.

After college, we drifted apart a bit, as it often goes with school friends once you're adults. The gulf got wider when I moved to the boroughs, after the pandemic, and when she got a new boyfriend. I havent met her boyfriend as we just were never able to really make plans happen again. Still, I asked her to be a bridesmaid for my wedding.

She agreed, but only really showed up for my shower. I got the vibe she just didn't really feel like coming to the boroughs for my bachelorette party and anything else. A week before my wedding, she told me that she was having problems with the house ahead just bought and she was extremely stressed and couldn't be a bridesmaid. I told her not to worry about it...I said she didn't need to give me a gift, I said I'd happily pay for her hair and makeup, I just wanted her to be there, she literally didn't have to do anything but be there.

She agreed again, but a few days later told me she just couldn't. OK. I wasn't going to push, I wanted her to be ok, I got that she was in a tough spot, so I let it go. But ultimately, she didn't even come as a guest. She didn't even come to just the ceremony. She didn't text me the day of or anything.

I sort of accepted this as the end. I was pretty hurt that she didn't show up at all, even after I told her she didn't have to do anything, I just wanted to see her. It felt like there was some other reason she had that she didn't want to tell me. But it is what it is. I figure maybe it was weird of me to want her as a bridesmaid after we'd drifted so much.

Since then were exchanged pleasantries on social media for birthdays and stuff, but otherwise nothing. A few months ago, she got engaged.

I'm not certain yet, but I think I'm invited to her wedding. She posted about sending her save-the-dates and the next day, my former neighbor texted me to say they had a letter that got sent to my old address. I assume it's the save-the-date, because my friend doesn't know I moved.

I feel really conflicted. I don't rely want to go...not out of a petty "Well you didn't come to my wedding so I should I come to yours", but because I really am just kind of hurt and I feel like she's only inviting me out of a sense of obligation. I don't know how to say 'no' without seeming like it's just pettiness, and frankly I don't feel like it's worth telling her the real reason. I'm not mad at her, just sad, and kind of resigned about our friendship. I don't know what excuse I can give. I don't know if I should just go, show my face, have dinner with all her friends who always though I was weird, and quietly leave. Or maybe I should just decline, say nothing, and hope that that solidifies the end so neither of us have to pretend anymore. It feels shitty, but so does the idea of going. I don't know her fiance at all, and sometimes I wonder if he convinced her not to go to my wedding. I have no idea. I don't really know her anymore, either.

Ugh.

Sorry. I had to put this somewhere.

#Personal #Long rambling vent about a friend thing

[unohanabbygirl]

FMN SPOILERS!!!!

BE WARNED FMN SPOILERS! Ch. 31-32

……….

Okay these chapters are filled with angst! I can’t even, but I think I saw the moment Daemon die a little bit when Luke is all but rejecting him as a parent. I love that people zoom in on small details (driftmark incident) I didn’t notice but someone zoomed in on Daemon putting his whole arm around Luke as Luke goes to check up on Rhaenyra how he just stands guard and looks at everyone like “I dare you, lay a hand on my future wife and son!” I would think he was Luke’s own father with the way he acts. Harwin, my guy needs to up his game, cause right now he’s all but neglecting Luke, I expected him to demand answers from Aemond and Aegon, who knows he might go over the house and ask? So Luke doesn’t love Aemond yet, but he might soon fall for him, is what I’m getting from him? Rhaenyra and Daemon having marital issues, would that have to do because of what happened between them during the Dance? Something tells me that Rhaenyra finding out Daemon lied to her about how bad it got is going to lead to marital problems in the future I just hope no divorce, but close it, maybe for a little bit a lil separation. Rhaenyra threatening Daemon about taking her babies and leaving him because she can’t trust anyone anymore. That could be the worst thing for Daemon, I feel bad for him but he shouldn’t have lied. The family needs to be on the same page with Luke and it’s like everyone is on a different page or different story. Hiding, lying, making up half truths not a good combo. Brienne is awesome btw!

P.s. this slow burn is killing me, can’t Aemond just climb the window to Luke’s room and sneak in and cuddle with him. They can be quietly making out under the covers and hopefully Daemon doesn’t have a stethoscope trying to hear for anything suspicious.

Daemon has loved Luke from the moment he heard news of Rhaenyra’s pregnancy simply because of the fact that whatever child she had was an extension of her and anything that’s Nyra’s is his. But it was at that moment on Driftmark when he saw what lengths Luke went to defend both his brother and cousins who he barely knew without hesitation is when he went full on dad mode. He practically imprinted on the kid once he saw those chubby cheeks smeared with blood because who wouldn’t???

He’s not an emotional man by a long shot, but when Daemon does allow himself to feel, those feelings hit hard enough to leave him breathless. It’s right at the moment when Luke finishes his rant that the only thing Daemon can do is give him the biggest papa bear hug and kiss because if he didn’t than he’d probably end up throwing something which would only affirm the violence of men in Luke’a mind and probably send him into a bad panic attack.

Harwin is a complicated subject at the moment and I’m glad you noticed. In the beginning we could see how ready he was to finally be a father to his long lost son, but now that presence seems to have dimmed immensely. It’s not that Harwin is trying to be neglectful but that this has all become so real as the true reality of the young man Luke now is comes fully into light. Luke is distant, pushes away most people, and is overall a very hard person to make a connection with if you’re an authority figure. Not to mention that he’s easy to tick off. While Luke may not go full on batshit when annoyed, you can always tell by his demeanor and tone how over it he really is. It’s by no means an excuse for Harwin’s distance as a father, however it does give reason as to why.

The guy is scared that he’ll only drive Luke further away if he pushes but he’ll have to realize trying and failing is better than never having tried at all.

Rhaenyra and Daemon’s marriage is by no means a perfect one yet it’s worked out wonderfully for decades now. With that being said, there are very few things Rhaenyra will accept this time around and lies or omission of the truth is #1 on her list, especially when it comes to her children. Just like her son Rhaenyra can’t stand being lied to and everything Daemon’s covering up is a pretty damn big one.

Martial issues (and issues within their polycule as a whole) are on the horizon and it’s unavoidable considering the circumstances. Rhaenyra would 100% take the kids and book it to the Vale if she felt it was best for their future as a family because if she can’t trust Daemon then who can she trust? This man has been her entire life two times over and though Daemon may not realize it now due to all the stress, he’s putting it all on the line with this horrible idea of protecting her from the truth as if she’s a child rather than a grown woman. Very frustrating but it is what it is.

Lol, Luke’s room being a secret Lucemond paradise while everyone on the outside of that door is on the verge of separating. Poor Daemon’s gonna regret agreeing to give Luke the room with an easily accessible balcony pretty soon.

#asks

[weirdmorefics]

I saw you have gilmore girls but nothing on it could you do a story where lorelai has a brother(malereader) who was coddled unlike her since he was often sick then maybe something like he got in a accident at some point maybe a car accident causing him to go into a coma and he wakes up when Rory and Lorelai are over for the first dinner( I imagine he was maybe on hospice or something like that in his own room at home so he kinda just walked downstairs saw rory and thought she was a maid so asked her to fetch him a drink then chaos and angst)

Awkward Reunions

A/N- I just put that on my master list because I am rewatching it for the hundredth time. Thank you for the request I love Gilmore Girls.

Warnings- None

Pronouns- He/Him

Word Count- 877

Summary- Refer to the ask for summary :)

What on earth is that annoying beeping sound keeping me from my slumber. I try to ignore the noise to the best of my abilities but it continues on. I squint my eyes to see the source of the noise and it is some medical machine. Mom must have had someone put it up here while I sleep she is so protective. I slowly get up and stretch I feel like I haven’t moved in ages. I wonder how long I slept in.

The stairs feel awful on my joints I’m not sure why because I keep up with my exercise program. I hear voices in the family room so I continue to follow them there.

I see Mom and Lorelai “You two are looking absolutely awful. Did Mom buy some new makeup that ages you ten years?”

They seem shocked I didn’t think that it would offend them that bad. I mean we always bicker like that, especially Lorelai and me. Some maid smiles brightly and quickly runs up to me and awkwardly bows.

“Hi, I’m Rory. It’s nice to meet you,” she stutters nervously.

“When did you get this maid she seems way too nervous for your standards Mom,” I laugh.

Rory frowns and excuses herself but Mom can’t stop smiling with tears pricking her eyes it was honestly creeping me out. Mom even gives me the tightest hug I have received making me super uncomfortable. However, Lorelai seems pretty mad about my insult toward the maid which is normal. I am glad someone is acting normal.

“Seriously! Seriously Y/N the first thing you do is insult my kid when you wake up! I swear you never think! I have missed you so much but now I am remembering that you are Mom’s favorite. I mean Mom just completely ignored Rory being compared to just another one of Mom’s nervous maids, ” Lorelai shouts.

“For Heaven's sake Lorelai he just woke up! Can’t you be more considerate? Oh, right I forgot who I am talking to,” Mom shouts.

“But... But your daughter was just born and her name was Lorelai. That... that girl looks sixteen.” I mutter confused and hold my head I think I am getting a headache.

“Stop confusing him Lorelai!” Mom rubs my back.

I step away from everyone “Can someone tell me what’s going on I am seriously confused.”

“You have been in a coma for Sixteen years... you got in a car accident when you driving to the hospital to meet Rory,” Lorelai says quietly.

Mom yells something at her but there is too much going on in my I feel dizzy this doesn't make any sense. This can’t be happening. I couldn’t have missed sixteen years of my life. I can't have missed my whole niece's childhood. I can feel myself hyperventilating and the room is starting to spin. I see blurry figures trying to catch me but my vision goes dark after that.

I wake up to the lovely sound of my Mother screaming “WELL SOMEBODY FIND ME A DOCTOR WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS SOMETHING!”

I hear a nurse respond soothingly “We assure Mrs. Gilmore it was just a panic attack this can be common for Coma patients who have been asleep for many years. I can set him up with a great rehabilitation program we have here-”

I hear my Mom cut her off and scoff “You think we would send him to some small hospital rehabilitation center he will go to the best private one money is no problem!”

I roll my eyes and interrupt the one-sided fight my mother was having by informing them I am awake with my call button. Mom and Lorelai rush in and Lorelai’s eyes look full of regret.

Mom immediately goes into business mode “Your father is on a business trip but he is catching the first plane ride home and do not worry we are getting you into the best rehabilitation center money can buy! Maybe one in Boston,” she ponders.

Lorelai quickly grabs my hand “I am so sorry to spring that all on you! I was just so shocked I didn’t think you would ever wake up and I had no idea what to say the words just fell out of my mouth.”

I smile about to tell Lorelai it’s fine when Mother yells yet again “Stop you are going to give him a heart attack if you keep reminding him! He will be fine once we get him to the best doctor,” she reassures herself.

“Actually Mom I would like to stay here and get to know that niece of mine can she visit” I smile but Mom frowns immediately. 

“No, that would be too much for you,” Mom shrugs me off.

Lorelai glares at Mom “Of course, you can meet Rory! And you don’t have to listen to Mom you can stay where ever you want. You are no longer seventeen older brother of mine you are an adult now.” 

I smile “Then it is decided I will stay in Connecticut and rehabilitate here. I can’t wait to get to know my niece Rory.”

Mother sighs “Fine, but I will have to make some more calls to at least find the best doctor in this state.”

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#gilmore girls #gilmore girls imagine #gilmore girls fic #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls x reader #gilmore girls x #gilmore girls oneshot #gilmore girls drabble #gilmore girls headcanon #gilmore girls x you #gilmore girls x y/n #lorelai x rory #lorelai x reader #gilmore!reader #rory x reader #rory gilmore x reader

[fiiyerotigelaar]

oh my god. this is so long but this was literally me last night:

last night was my grandpa’s birthday dinner and in the midst of it i got a text from austin that was incredibly upsetting and clearly worded to start a fight via text (his favorite thing!!) and i was trying to quietly manage it and respond but my mom loudly said “no texting at the table” in this saccharine chirpy mother voice…i said “mmm maybe something you say to your thirteen year old at the family table and not to your thirty year old in crisis mode”

and to everyone else i’m sure it came off bitchy and snippy but like. my mom is soooo fucking childish in this way that just infuriates me. she’s never coming from a place of genuinely caring and it literally is just her larping a functional and successful parent. which she fully could have done when i was a child but she picked methadone instead of being a mother so like. you don’t get to try to parent me when i already raised myself.

so anyway uhhh been in a situationship for a year now that’s been emotionally draining and borderline abusive and instead of anyone having any empathy or reaching out to talk to me my family all whispers and talks behind my back about it. the one time anyone directly has addressed it was my mom saying “you choose to be with him though so i don’t feel sorry for you and you bring it on yourself” so that’s. an incredibly cool and loving response from your mother

like, i leaned back in my chair so my mom couldn’t see my screen and she coincidentally!!!! just happened!!! to stretch at the same time and i set my phone down and she did this four more times before i leaned over and put my hands in front of her and showed her me typing my “please stop gaslighting me and come talk to my face about shit instead of resenting me quietly” message to austin and she blew up on me so i went to the bathroom to cry (and dropped my phone and broke my screen even worse)

and i came back and she goes “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER WHY ARE YOU CRYING THIS IS PAPA’S BIRTHDAY DINNER” ohhhhhhhh my god shut the FUCK up nobody is giving you an oscar for best actress you raggedy bitch

whatever. suffered thru then got home and my bestie holly asked if i wanted to go to dennys and drive around (i didn’t even say anything she just Knows bc we’re psychic queerplatonic partners like that) so i took the opportunity to get some air and talk it out in a space with no judgement and where i could speak without having to mask or censor myself. i asked my grandma if it was okay and she said “i don’t care what you do” in a very casual like, “you’re grown and it’s your choice to go out at 8:30pm on a sunday” type shit so i uhhhh fuckin left like she said i could even after pressing her and saying “if you’d rather i stay home i will”

about 10pm my mom calls from my grandparents land line at the house practically in tears and screaming at me because she can’t find her phone and it’s not at my grandparents who are awake now because she let herself into the house and scared them to fuck and out of their slumber. she tells me i have to come to her apartment and look for it. her phone she lost is now my problem and it’s defcon five level panic attack from her. holly and i literally were listening to her on speakerphone like. the DRAMATICS. the AUDACITY. this woman thinks she’s meryl fuckin streep! yeah that’s really deadass my grown ass MOM a 56 year old!! crying to me from mommy and daddy’s house that she lost her phone!!

i got to her apartment and here’s the thing, for the level of panic and the way she was screaming on the phone about “I TORE THE WHOLE PLACE APART” her purse? on the table untouched. her bed? perfectly made! her couch had all the pillows and blankets in order like a fuckin joanna gaines target ad. not at all “torn apart”. i walked right to her bed and pulled the sheets back and lifted the pillow and there it was! there’s her fuckin phone.

so now i’m Big Time Pissed because there’s no out on that one. if you tore the place apart like you said, you should have found it in your bed. even if you didn’t tear anything up there is no way she could have been laying in bed and not felt her phone under her. she immediately starts bawling and apologizing and retching and dry heaving from crying. she pitifully asks me through sobs while draped over the toilet if i’m going home now and i told her “well yeah, you won. you put on a show and i played my part as the villain just like you set it up” and that just fired her back up but like

you know the “mothers and daughters are wretched mirrors of each other” quote? my mom has no social life. my mom isolates herself and makes no effort to befriend anyone. my mom goes on dating sites just to match with men and immediately make up an ick to avoid having to actually date. literally just clocking in on the apps for attention. so when i go with my friends or i go on dates she will always make some fucking mindwarping comment like “are you sure they’re not sick of you yet?” or “i bet he probably has a girlfriend already”. why. why. WHY. would you say that shit if not for the express purpose of making me doubt myself and spiking my paranoia. personally if i knew my kid had low self esteem and ptsd i would not say that shit. rip to tina but i’m different!

anyway i went home after that and she immediately starts using her phone i found for her to text me to tell me i’m getting yelled at by my logan roy ass grandpa in the morning. he’s 82 and german and had two beers and a shot of tequila the night before having to get up at 4am. i’m fully ready to be out on my ass in the morning ‘cause there’s no conversation with my grandpa where he hasn’t almost blown his voice out. i watch his hands when he hollers and i can tell he wants to beat the shit out of me so bad. i know a man’s tells and i can pick up on the “if this were a different time and i trusted you’d be too scared to charge me with assault i would throttle the fuck out of you”.

reader, i got up at 8am while my grandma was at dialysis and breakfast with my grandpa and immediately started doing laundry and dishes so i could be ready to pack my shit. my grandparents came back from breakfast and did not say a word about last night. in fact, my grandma said “good for you honey i’m happy you’re working on that” when she saw me folding clothes. i spent the whole night in fear of having to flee another home. of losing the only family i have left after leaving my physically and mentally abusive dad in the dust. i was ready to go park my car in the ER parking lot and slit my wrists.

just for everything to be either actually fine or for my grandparents to be over it enough to not even talk about it. literally my mom thinking she’s some clever mastermind that’s going to ruin my life and get me in trouble but in reality she’s just a conniving and bitter bitch that can’t stand to see me have a life outside of being the family therapist/nurse/maid/punching bag.

shiv roy was so me coded when she said “i love you but i cannot fucking stomach you”

[firstdivisiongirl]

HiI! I'd like to request a matchup for my perfect match in Tokyo Revengers

I go by she/her and my MBTI type is ISFJ (might be incorrect)

I love to read, write fiction stories, and draw. I read a variety of genres, one of those being Fantasy, romance, mystery, horror, and adventure.

I hate getting touched by people but at the same time I crave it. I suffer from Germophobia, which is an extreme fear of germs/dirty stuff. I only allow people I trust and have spent a long time with to touch me otherwise I'd feel uncomfortable and annoyed. (Last time that happened I had a panic attack and cleaned my whole room.)

I am a very loyal and caring person towards my loved ones. I would go out of my way to do everything for them such as giving them a story I wrote or something I drew for them. However I am easily angered. I hate people who lack empathy for others, when people make assumptions about me, and when people are just straight up stupid.

I spent hours inside the world in my head. I like to imagine scenarios of my original characters and their very own world.

I'm very anxious. One thing would easily worry me and it could either get worse or better. It's pretty bad. I've cried for a whole week because of it. I need to constantly be reassured.

Speaking of crying, I tend to cry by myself and quietly in my room. I hate it when my family finds out about it and I always act like I was fine when they come to my room.

I'm scared of being abandoned by my loved ones. I always worry that one day my best friend will leave me and I wish I could have more friends.

I keep my problems to myself. Not once have I ever told a single person in my life about what I'm going through because I don't want to burden them and I just don't know how to open up in general.

I'm pretty harsh on myself. I would always sulk whenever I couldn't bring myself to study or do something productive. I feel disappointed in myself and a failure to my parents.

I'm hesitant to eat out of fear of worsening my health. Whenever I eat a large portion of food, I would always regret it and avoid eating so much or eating nothing at all.

Based on fashion style, I don't know. I just wear whatever is available but I so desperately wish I could wear a more Gothic style or Coquette. I love pretty pink colors but also dark colors. I wear modest clothes. Anything tight or revealing makes me uncomfortable.

When it comes to music, I LOVE The Neighborhood, Lana Del Rey, Melanie Martinez, Isabel Larosa, and Lady Gaga.

I also HATE summer. I hate the heat, sweating makes me more annoyed than usual.

I'm a morning person but I cannot sleep consistently. My sleep schedule always gets messed up after 3 days.

I would love to go out with someone I know to explore abandoned/haunted buildings. I've never done that but I would not turn down the opportunity when given.

I love the rain, especially when it's quiet and empty whenever I'm at. I just love a gloomy/creepy atmosphere.

I think that's all there is to me. I would put more but it goes against my privacy. 😭

I would prefer a male character, thanks! ❤

Hey hey hey. Let’s get you a match. I hope you like it.

You Got…

Ryusei Satou!!!

Loves a good haunted place! Will take you to haunted places for dates.

Feel like you two have similar taste in music

He would support you and tell you that you are perfect no matter how bad you feel.

He is extremely loyal. You would never have to worry about him ever leaving you

Would respect your disliking of germs. He wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t want him too

I think he would enjoy you reading to him white he naps. It would make him happy to hear your voice as he dreams

#first division girl #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers matchups #tokyo revengers matchup #tr matchups #tr matchup #tokyo rev matchup

[aceofwhump]

I'm rereading ABOSAA and I completely forgot this even happened but I love it:

He could not bear to think of it, save in the most fleeting way, but knew he could never forget the slightest thing about it. His throat closed suddenly again. Brianna looked searchingly into his face, saw his hand touch the ragged rope scar on his throat. “Can you breathe?” she said anxiously. He shook his head, but it wasn’t true, he was breathing, somehow, though it felt as though his throat had been crushed in some huge hand, larynx and windpipe mangled into a bloody mass. He flapped a hand to indicate that he would be all right, much as he doubted it himself. She came round behind him, pulled his hand from his throat, and laid her own fingers lightly over the scar. “It’ll be all right,” she said quietly. “Just breathe. Don’t think. Just breathe.”

Gosh I love Roger so much (f the haters) 😭. I wish we got to see more of his recovery in the show.

YAAAAS!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! Oh my god that passage is so good!! I loved that part so much!! Him triggered into a panic attack and Bree comforting him through it. God it's so good. Diana's whump writing is really A+.

Okay heads up because I'm about to write a book as a response, I'm sorry not sorry lol.

I love Roger so so much and every scene in the show is a gift but god yes I wish more was shown too!!! Especially this kind of stuff!! Cause that scene in ABOSAA is just so good.

There's a lot about how the show translated book Roger into screen Roger that infuriates me (NOT ONE MENTION OF "À SMEÒRAICH"!? SERIOUSLY!?) but nearly completely skipping and overlooking the trauma and recovery Roger goes through after being hanged is infuriating. I HATE IT. I understand that it'd be weird and difficult to have Rik just not speak (or speak in a way that'd be damaging to his vocal chords) for several episodes but personally I think it would have been INCREDIBLE and I think it'd have made an excellent acting challenge for Rik. He did so well in 5x08 with no dialogue. Like his expressions and body language acting were so good and he was able to say so much with zero dialogue. He could have done that for longer and been amazing. And they had him go back to speaking with no problem and there's no scar or gravelly voice when he does start speaking again outside of 5x08. I mean, 5x08 is the only episode that is forgiven because it's the only episode to have any aftereffects of his hanging. Although I will admit I did like hearing Roger sing more because Richard's voice is beautiful but he should not have been able to go back to singing like he had before. It was frustrating!

I hate how the show glosses over it all. Thinking about the books, we didn't see when Claire, Jamie, and Bree found him hanging, cut him down and performed a tracheotomy right there. I mean I guess we did but was all smushed together in one very quick silent film style scene so the gravity of the situation was glossed over. It was an interesting way to show his flashbacks and I approved of that but god we should have seen the scene in full to really understand what happened to him. We didn't get to hear Jamie tell him "You are alive. You are whole. All is well.". Yeah it was kinda included in the silent film scene but image if we could have HEARD him say it. If it had been given focus/attention. We didn't see anything of how Bree cared for him afterwards, sitting next to him unconscious in bed with a tube in his neck to breathe, singing to him, speaking to him in Gaelic. We didn't see Jamie's anger at the grievous harm done to his son-in-law or hear him actually say the word "son" further cementing how Jamie views Roger as his family and that he actually does care about him. We didn't see how angry and worried for Roger Jamie actually was. We didn't see Claire lay a sleeping Jemmy on an unconscious Roger and Roger instinctively reach up to cradle his baby to him. We didn't see Roger slowly recovering, a tube in his throat in order to breathe at all. We didn't see the scene when Roger, still unable to speak, tries to tell Jamie who was responsible for him being hanged through a series of writing and charades because his fingers are broken and his throat was crushed. We only got ONE episode of his depression and how the trauma of being hanged really affected him. ONE EPISODE. Then all was fine.

And Roger suffers physically and mentally because of the hanging for a long time and never truly recovers from it. He's able to speak again but his voice becomes more gravelly and he avoids speaking in front of large groups for quite a while because he's self conscious of it and it actually hurts him to speak. He's never able to sing like he used to again and it took a long time for him to even try singing at all and even longer to sing in front of others. For a while he'd only sing for Jemmy. And his singing is such a vital part of his identity it really throws his sense of self upside down and he becomes so lost. On top of all that he's suffering from PTSD as well. He has nightmares of the hanging and dreams of being able to sing only to wake up to the reality where he can't anymore. He has panic attacks and flashbacks. I mean even the rest of the part of what you shared is just as good:

"Her fingers were cold and her hands smelled of dirt. There was water in his eyes. He blinked, wanting to see the room, the hearth and candle and dishes and loom, to convince himself of where he was. A drop of warm moisture rolled down his cheek. He tried to tell her that it was all right, he wasn’t crying, but she merely pressed closer, holding him across the chest with one arm, the other hand still cool on the painful lump in his throat. Here breasts were soft against his back, and he could fee, rather than hear, her humming, the small tuneless noise she made when she was anxious, or concentrating very hard. Finally the spasm began to ease, and the feel of choking left him. His chest swelled with the unbelievable relief of a free breath, and she let go."

Then there's the actually physical recovery. The rope leaves a jagged scar on throat. His fingers were broken from prying at the rope around his neck. He had a tube in his throat from the surgery Claire performed on him to save his life.

Some of my favorite book scenes from The Fiery Cross and A Breathe of Snow and Ashes were either omitted from the show completely or downplayed and it infuriates me.

#outlander #roger mackenzie #mod replies #ask #anon #ace rambles about her favs

[mira-razzy]

Dealing with anxiety

Having anxiety is more than just 'being anxious'. Most of the time it feels so lonely. The loneliness one feels is beyond words. My chest feels tight for no reason, my heart rate increases and I don't feel relaxed at all. I've tried taking Magnesium even going beyond the recommended amount. I've tried doing breathing exercises.

But nothing helps. And every second of the day I feel like bursting into flames. I don't get it. Why am I anxious? Why do I feel this way? Will I get better?

It feels so lonely because it feels as if no one understands you. You can't sleep, you're relentlessly tired, you're scared of getting another panic attack, your chest hurts, you can't breathe, you don't remember anything and you lose focus you don't realize where you've been or how you got to a certain place. Simple tasks feel so dreadful.

I don't know how to tell people. How do I tell my mom I can't go grocery shopping with her because I feel anxious? I can already feel the frown and her going "Why do you feel anxious? It's just grocery shopping. Why do you feel anxious? You're young you don't have any problems." So you suck it up, you go grocery shopping with your heart feeling like it might fluctuate out your rib cage. So you suck it up, you tell yourself you're fine. So you suck it up, you cover your mouth as you gag and almost vomited out of anxiety.

You're in a crowded place and you're overstimulated. People walking back and forth and your dad is calling you to go to him. You didn't hear him the first time and he called your name louder. You tried to look for him but you see a blur of people's silhouette in front of you. You tried to focus and walk to him and then everything you're holding and everything in your bag falls. You hurriedly picked up your stuff without anyone helping because everyone stood in their steps and watched you. And now you're at the verge of tears because you can't breathe.

So you tell yourself,

"Breathe, breathe,"

You clench your hands into tiny fists to stop tears from falling down your cheeks because how would your dad understand why his 24 year old daughter is crying for no reason in the middle of Ikea?

You then eat your lunch quietly with your family and laugh at their jokes.

How do you tell them?

You try to tell people. You try to ask for help. People shoot you down because no one thinks you're being serious.

"My chest feels tight,"

"You should go to the doctor" they say.

"I have a hard time sleeping,"

"Take sleeping pills." They say.

"I think I might have anxiety,"

"Oh, everyone has that." They say.

If everyone has that how come I don't feel like anyone understands me?

But I understand, everyone goes through something. But I just wish, God, please, just send someone who gets it. I just need to talk to someone.

I feel like there's no way out. I try and try and try to ask for help. Please, look at me when I'm asking your help. Can anyone hear me? I feel suffocated.

[the--days]

Subclass Concepts 5/112

Ershy Abak, Longtooth Shifter Barbarian [Path of the Beast]

The noblewoman watches as her friend is cut down, a growl tearing from her throat. With nothing but animal fury in her eyes, she rips the greatsword from her back and charges the attackers on all-fours, her immense sword cutting a groove into the dirt as she drags it behind her.

Ershy Abak has a problem. Once the proud, competent head of a merchant fleet, she's been suffering from uncontrollable rages. The last of these ended in her throwing a business partner though a window, mortally wounding him. Ershy's husband promised to take care of things while she fled town in search of a cure— but what will he do with the fleet now under his complete control? And why did the rages seem to start only after he and Ershy were married?

[build notes & expanded backstory under the cut]

Background: Guild Artisan (Guild Merchant Variant)

Traits:

It is important to me that things be clean and nice. I take pains to keep my surroundings tidy and homey, and take equal pains with myself.

I have an excellent nose for a good deal, and always stop to haggle if I think a shopkeep is overcharging.

Bonds: I will find a cure for my condition.

Ideals: Fair Dealing. I have always tried to run my business cleanly, and despise huxsters, swindlers, and liars, especially in my rung of society. A penniless beggar trying to trick you out of your copper is one thing; a rich man trying to trick you out of your platinum is another.

Flaws:

I'm a terrible improviser. When a plan goes off the rails, I start to panic & struggle to figure out what to do next.

I was born into, and have lived in, immense privilege, and can occasionally be sheltered and ignorant as a result.

Skill and Tool Proficiencies: Athletics, History, Insight, Intimidation, Investigation, Survival

Stat Spread (Highest to Lowest): STR, CON, INT, DEX, CHA, WIS

Build Notes: Of course, you should really have DEX higher than INT for a barbarian, but Ershy's life as a merchant has left her with a keen business sense that I think it's too fun not to play into a bit. I think the dynamic of someone who's usually very clever, sophisticated, and cunning completely losing her mind and biting the shit out of people in combat would be really fun to play with.

If I were to play Ershy, I probably work with the GM to set Ershy up to multiclass into battlemaster fighter as she got more and more of a handle on her rages and was better able to keep her head on in the heat of the moment. Apart from that, I imagine her as a really standard barbarian. Big old greatsword, using the Longtooth shifter bite ability to get a bonus-action attack every turn she's shifted. I might also want to give her something like Keen Mind or Observant, to play even more into her more bookish past as a merchant.

Expanded Backstory: Ershy was the second daughter of a powerful merchant family. An adventurous child, she expected to grow up to sail the seas as a captain in their fleet while her beloved sister ran the business end of things back home. Tragically, Ershy's sister was killed in an accident- one that Ershy caused- when they were both still teenagers.

Crushed by guilt, Ershy stepped up to take her sister's place as heir, learning her duties inside and out. While it had never been Ershy's passion, she dedicated herself to the work, and developed a keen mind, taking over the business after her parents' retirement. She quietly put away her childhood dreams of adventure, discarding them as the foolish desires of a foolish girl.

Years later, needing to  continue the Abak line, Ershy married a fellow merchant- Pryce Lancaster- in order to seal a business deal, consolidate power, and produce an heir. Things were not especially warm between them, but they worked well together, and Ershy- long used to ignoring her desires- set aside her loneliness, as she had long set aside her other wants and needs.

Pryce, a cunning man, noticed this quiet unhappiness, and decided to manipulate it to his advantage. Unbeknownst to Ershy, he had plans for the fleet that didn't involve her [I would leave what these were up to the GM as a way to tie in plot events etc]. What began as simple manipulation evolved into Pryce provoking Ershy sufficiently that the beast in her- passed down by the Shifter lineage- awoke, and she started to go into blackout rages. She was completely uncontrollable in this state, and never remembered what she did afterwards. This gave Pryce an excellent opportunity to tell her whatever he wanted her to believe; with no other reliable witnesses, she was forced to take his word for it. Eventually, just as Ershy seemed poised to discover Pryce's schemes, he set her on a mutual business partner; and, in her rage, she fatally wounded him.

Pryce promised to take care of things with the fleet- and the merchant's family- while Ershy fled the scandal, and she set out in search of a way to manage her rages.

This is where she starts off as an adventurer; looking for a way to cure her condition– but rankling, in some private, long-buried way, against the fetters of her life. She has pushed down every private need and want for most of her life– but the animal in her refuses any longer to be denied. Like a wound spring finally snapping, all of her ugly, unruly desires are bursting free uncontrolled. She needs to find a balance between complete repression and a wild, animal self-indulgence– or Pryce will be left to his dark dealings, unopposed.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shifter #barbarian #subclass concepts #ershy #i like her so much lol. #her backstory write-up is actually like twice as long as this in my google docs it was just a bit. excessive for this so i cut it down #my idea for her is her 'rages' are actually probably triggered by ANY sufficiently strong emotion #she's just bottled things up for way too long & didn't learn how to manage anything #so fear or sadness or even like overwhelming happiness = werewolf mode #i do think your character not remembering what happens in most combats would be interesting to play around too #your GM would def have to be on board for this one but i think with a good GM it would be so fun #kinda wanna actually play her lmao #anyway she should get to rip her shitty husband's heart out with her teeth. i think. #long post #it's alive!

[thelittlethings66]

Moving On

After I have calmed down I decide to talk to Carol. 'Hi Carol'. She just looks at me. I just wanted to see if you were ok. I'm sorry I punched him, I just wanted him to stop, I hope I haven't made it worse for you'. 'It's ok don't worry I know you were only trying to protect me, I hope your hand is ok'. She quietly says. 'Its fine i'll heal, anyway I will  leave you be'. As I leave Andrea calls me over saying dinner is ready she managed to catch some fish with her sisters help. 'This looks amazing well done ladies'. 'Its no problem our dad thought us well'. Says Amy. 'He sure did.' Says Lori as she started to eat.

A few hours has passed now and it was dark out. We were all sat around talking keeping warm by the fire. Carol, Ed and their daughter Sophia were sitting way behind us keeping out the way. Mostly away from Shane I think. 'Where are you going?' Andrea asks Amy. 'I have to pee, try to be discreet around here'. She walks to Dale's RV.

Suddenly we hear a scream. A Walker is attacking Amy biting on her arm. Everyone starts to panic they start to appear from everywhere swarming on the camp. Screams everywhere people being eaten. Shane starts shooting them telling everyone to get to the RV and hide. Jim is bashing them in the head with a bat I notice one biting him so run over stabbing them in the head with my knife. I help him over to the others. I then see an arrow fly past me and hit one straight in the eye to my right as Daryl and the guys start shooting what's left.

After a while it goes quiet and all we can hear is the sobbing of the survived. Crying over the loss of their families.

Throughout the night and as the sun rises we clean up camp making sure the dead are fully gone. Burning their bodies. And burying their loved ones. I stand still looking over camp thinking about my brother and that I never got to put him to rest. About my family on the other side of the world if this is happening to them too.

I then hear a gunshot and see that Andrea has shot Amy. After staying up all night with her. Crying. Carol is hitting Ed clearly letting out some anger and pain.

After alot of discussion we all decide to go to the CDC to try and get some answers. To see if we can help Jim.

After I have packed up I walk over to Daryl who is packing his stuff. 'Hey'.'Hey'. 'Merle?'.' He weren't there'.' He got off the roof?' Yeah, son of a bitch chopped off his hand, after you left him there!. He shouts to the rest of the group. I smile. 'What you smiling for?' 'Nothing I just think he will be alright, he's tough. You will meet again someday I'm sure' He chews his lip. ' I thought you'd be happy'. 'Why?' 'Nobody liked him'. 'He was a dick yeah but he is your brother you love him that's enough, plus he wasn't that bad to me.' He scoffs. 'Ya hand what happened?' 'Um I punched Ed'. He scoffs again. ' Good.' 'Come on let's go!' Shane shouts. 'Hey, you wanna....um...ride with me in my truck?'. 'Really?' 'Yeah, you don't have to..'. I chuck my stuff in the back of his truck next to his bike. 'Come on then Dixon'.

We dont talk much on the drive it's quite nice actually. The peace and quiet after last night. I just lay my head back with the breeze in my face and try to relax. Somehow I manage to fall asleep waking up when the car stops. As I step out the car I notice Rick putting Jim against a tree at the side of the road. He is in too much pain. He waves me over. 'I'm so sorry Jim I tried to help'. 'You did, you gave me another day, I am grateful for that, I will be with my family now.' He looks at peace. I walk away and we all drive off once more. I don't fall asleep this time with my mind racing too much. I notice Daryl keeps looking at me but not saying anything. Which is fine by me, not in the mood to talk.

After a while with the sun getting lower we finally arrive at the CDC. We all grab our stuff and slowly walk towards the building. Daryl right by my side. There are bodies everywhere the smell is so strong I can nearly taste it, I feel like I am gonna be sick. When we reach the door we realise no one is there Rick keeps banging on the door. Making too much noise. The walkers notice and slowly start to wander our way. ' The camera it moved!'. He shouts. 'No it didnt man your seeing things'. Shane replies. 'Let us in! My family! My son! Your killing us!'

Then the doors start to rise. The light is bright. And we all slowly walk in.

#the walking dead #daryl dixon

[moeblob]

Dedicated to that one time years ago when I couldn’t see over a certain wall from inside my workplace and a coworker just picked me up to get a different view. Thanks, man. I appreciate having a year cut off my life in fear as my feet left the ground.

#stardew valley #stardew alex #farmer salmon #literally thought about this situation the other day cause i remembered a different work scenario #moe has an actual job #may as well tag that cause its absolutely based on the work place .... i miss ya coworker that did this #he also told a manager i fell off a ladder when i pushed a box of paper towels onto the ground from on top of the ladder cause IM TOO SHORT #i cannot hold a giant box in my tiny arms and climb down a ladder while on the TOP of it #not the top step the actual top of the ladder you shouldnt stand on #so when the box dropped and i made it down again the coworker just goes to the manager #and tells him i fell off the ladder so i look up to my manager hurrying over like holy crap are you okay #and the mass amount of guilt on his face because he told me he was too busy to get everything for me and then i fell #but i didnt fall and the guy who said so is just looking so smug in the background like haha that was hilarious #he also was protective of me especially when having panic attacks and one time i was crying by the back door #and he was standing nearby not interacting just cutting croutons and this other guy sees me and goes #MAN WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHAT THE HELL #and this guy with a knife in hand stops moving with the knife raised to cut the bread and glanced over his shoulder at the guy #and quietly goes you got a problem with her having a panic attack? #and the other guy left immediately like uh nope not dealing with a guy with a knife okay bye #so thank you sir for helping me and traumatizing me with the same chaotic energy

[adhdeancas]

Nonbinary Claire goes to Dean "can I borrow some of your shit my boobs don't go with my outfit today" even though they don't fully come out and he's just. Oh. Okay that's a thing now.

anon i’m in love with you 

(did i tell anybody about the dream i had where i was at a wlw conference, met and started dating kathryn newton, and we both started taking testosterone at the same time? no?)

Dean’s just putting flour in the sausage for his massive batch of biscuits and gravy when he hears footsteps coming down the hallway. He swears lightly; he thought he’d have at least another half hour before anyone was up (except for Sam, but he’d already gone out for his run and Dean already made up his stupid little green smoothie for him). The biscuits wouldn’t be out for fifteen minutes. 

“Hey, look who’s up early!” he turns and greets Claire in a caricature of a jovial parent. She’s still dressed in her plaid pajama pants and one of Kaia’s overlarge sweatshirts, this one with the random name of St. Mary’s College in Indiana emblazoned across the front. Her hair’s a rat’s next as per usual at this time of day, and it manages to cover up her grimace at Dean’s high volume so early in the morning.  “Damn, you look like shit. You and Kaia party last night?”

She gives him a look. “We’re in an underground nerd bunker in the middle of bumfuck Kansas, how are we supposed to party here?”

 Dean shrugs. “I dunno, Sam, Cas, and I have never had trouble.”

 “Yeah, well, you’re old.”

Dean throws a towel at her which, being a towel, ends up three feet short. She snorts. He turns back to his sausage and adds some milk. “Well, hate to break it to you, kid, but we’re still like ten minutes out from any of this being edible.”

There’s a weird moment of silence, but Claire jumps into it after a beat so Dean thinks he must’ve imagined it. “Oh that’s fine, I was gonna shower first anyway. Nah I just wanted-” she starts over again, her voice taking on a newfound casualness that Dean recognizes as forced. “Can I borrow some of your shit?” she weights the word shit with some kind of meaning Dean is baffled by. “My boobs don’t go with my outfit today.”

Oh. That kinda shit. Dean freezes for a second, back turned and mind trying to scroll through all his interactions with Claire to see if he’d missed a coming out. Nope, definitely not. So this was it, then. Fuck he loved this kid. “Oh, yeah, uh, sure thing,” he turned the burner down to simmer and strode past Claire, waving her to follow him back to his room so he could dig through his drawers. “Alright, my newest ones’re probably too big for ya but I think I’ve got a couple of old ones in the...” he reaches blindly into the back of his drawer and digs around. He can feel Claire shifting behind him, looking anywhere in his room but at what he’s doing. He pulls out a small black binder a little streaked with deodorant and tosses it to her. Another tan one gets thrown her way a second later, this time a half tank style, and she only catches that out of instinct. She looks up at him.

“You can keep those. Not like I’m gonna shrink back to that size anytime soon.” he grins, and she grins back at him. 

“Yeah, I noticed.” she sends a scathing look to his stomach, and he narrows his eyes at her. 

“Hey!” he points a finger. In the back of his mind is his memory of the first time he’d bound his chest, hidden in a shitty motel bathroom, and slept in the tub so he could be in a room with a lock, in case John came home early. He’d woken up in a panic attack in the middle of the night with sore ribs and no air in his lungs. “No sleeping in them, take ‘em off after 8 hours, and don’t even think about trying to run in one.”

She rolls her eyes at him then salutes. “Aye aye, cap’n.” Then, “You think I run?” she scoffs. She moves to leave ahead of him, then pauses in the doorway. “Thanks.” she says quietly. 

“No problem.” She starts off down the hallway and he calls after her quietly. “Hey, do I need to be calling you anything else?”

She turns halfway around. “Nah. Wouldn’t mind if you called me they either though.” 

He grins. “Okay. I can do that.” She nods and keeps going. “And hey, absolutely no fucking hunting in those either!” He whisper-yells at their back. They wave him off and disappears into their room.

#anon #nonbinary claire #trans dean #prompt #tdov #transnatural #my writing

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY ONE || JUJUTSU KOSHIEN

↳ featuring : basically everyone at this point from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + mention of injuries + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 20 april

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 4.4k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : nonstandard 

↳ next episode : jamais vu

↳ barista’s notes : let me admit, i ain’t confident in this chapter since i started school again, but i hope you enjoy this episode and thank you for being so patient with me as i try to fit tumblr into my schedule with school ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...

Destructive Curse Spell Number Thirty-Three : Sokatsui (6:00-6:07) (blue lighting explosion - Itadori Yuji)

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

this is Y/N outfit when she came into the baseball game (blame twitter)

“How much longer are you going to stare at her? It’s creepy”

Snapping out of his daze, Gojo quickly looked up from your sleeping figure to find his stoic student (who was now sitting up) looking at him with a deadpan expression before he turned to look at your sleeping figure as well with somewhat of a worried expression, wondering what caused you to be knocked out since what Fushiguro could recall was that the last time he saw you, it seemed like you were well and confident before he was carried away by Panda.

“Is it bad to worry about my daughter?” Gojo questioned with a hint of a teasing tone before looking back down at you with his small smiling turning into a straight line.

“Student to be exact, but I guess not after what the curses were after,” Fushiguro quietly mentioned causing Gojo to once again, look up to view Fushiguro with a confused expression painted on his face, trying to convey that he didn’t have a clue on what his student was trying to say. “The special-grade was after L/N...but I don’t know why,” Fushiguro instantly declared as if he was answering to his teacher’s perplexed expression leading to Gojo sighing in frustration before taking one of his hands out of his pocket to stroke your hair as if it would bring you some comfort in your dreamless slumber as he then processed to remove his other hand from his other pocket to reveal a carton of orange juice before placing it on the bedside table.

“Is that so?” Gojo asked rhetorically, before making his way towards the door since he was informed that there was going to be a meeting with the Jujutsu Tech principles and sorcerers that were involved with the whole Exchange Event incident.

However, before he was able to grab onto the handle, the wooden door violently flew open showcasing his other students Itadori and Kugisaki on the other side with a box of pizza in hand leading Gojo to smile at them both.

“Oh Gojo-sensei! What are you doing here?” Itadori asked once he comprehended that it was his teacher blocking the way to see his two other classmates.

“Ah~ I was just visiting Megumi and Y/N before I go, make sure to not make too much noise, I’m sure Y/n would really appreciate it,” Gojo answered with a cheerful tone, leading Kugisaki to tilt her head to the side to realise that you were sleeping - much to her disappointment.

“She’s still recovering?” Kugisaki then questioned, leading her teacher to look at her before explaining that you were knocked out due to using an excessive amount of cursed energy within a short amount of time causing Kugisaki to nod to his little lie since he didn’t even know why you were extremely distraught when he came to collect you.

“I’ll be going now, so see you later~ don’t wake up my precious daughter!” Gojo states with a playful tone, before waving his hand to all of the first-years leaving them to themselves with a warm box of pizza in hand.

                                                 ꕥ

“Next up are the casualties: three second-grade sorcerers, one semi first-grade sorcerer, five assistant supervisors, and two cursed storehouse guards. They’re all sorcerers who were standing by at Jujutsu High and working separately from Gojo-san and Principal Yaga. We’re waiting on the report from Ieiri-san, but we’re nearly certain it was the work of the cursed spirit that Nanami-san encountered before,” Ijichi explained as he was looking down at the document sheets he had in hand to inform all the sorcerer that was in front of him about the situation at hand.

“Tsk,” Gojo tutted in annoyance while leaning against the door with his lower face tucked into the collar of his sorcerer uniform.

“Do you think we should share this information with the students and the other sorcerers?” Utahime asked as she turned to her colleagues.

“No,” the Kyoto principal: Gakuganji quickly answered, as the fellow principal from Tokyo: Yaga explained that it was better for this information to be among the higher-ups as he didn’t want to cause anymore panic to the students residing in the area right now as well as not wanting any of the curse users in their captivity to know that a few special-grade objects that been stolen from the school premises.

“Has the curse user we captured spilled anything?” principal Yaga queried, leading Ijichi to explain that it wasn’t hard to get the certain curse user to talk at all since he was quite cooperative but all they managed to receive was irrelevant information that was deemed somewhat unhelpful to them.

“However, he claims that he only participated in the attack because he was ordered to as part of a deal,” Ijicji added, before informing everyone about the monk that the curse user was talking about when he was interrogated.

“An androgynous monk kid with a bob cut? That ring any bells?” MeiMei asked, as she turned her head slightly to peer at Gojo, who was right behind her.

“Nope! We sure he’s not spouting bullshit? Is there any sorcerer skilled at getting confessions?” Gojo answered before asking his questions since he knew he couldn’t be too sure if the curse user was even telling the truth in the first place.

“How did a cursed spirit and outsiders get through Tengen-sama’s barriers in the first place?” Utahime questioned, as she was still confused on how so many people were able to get in without any problems and alerts.

“That was probably the work of the special-grade cursed spirit the students fought, that one has a unique presence. Even though it’s a cursed spirit, it’s incredibly close to a natural spirit. According to Aoi, it was able to hide among plants and was quite burnt from a few techniques like wood would be, and Tengen-sama’s barrier doesn’t function against plants. Tengen-sama’s barrier puts all its power into hiding, not protecting, so once you get in, it’s kind of weak,” Gojo answered his colleague with an explanation that led the whole room to turn completely silent for quite some time.

‘Are they worried about Sukuna’s Finger enhancing Yuji’s potential? Or are they trying to enhance themselves? Why would they need Y/N then? Something isn’t sitting right’

“For now, let’s be glad our students are safe,” Utahime mentioned with a calm smile presented on her face as there was one calm and good news that they would celebrate on.

‘Safe? How long until Y/N is going to stay safe? For how long?’

“But it goes without saying that the exchange event is now cancelled,” principal Yaga informed everyone as he turned to look at the fellow Kyoto principal, who was sitting right near him.

“Hold on, that’s not for us to decide, is it?” Gojo asked in a light tone, causing everyone in the room to look at him in confusion since they didn’t know what they meant by it not being their decision.

                                              ꕥ

“When did you start getting along with that gorilla?”

At this moment, Itadori and Kugisaki were sitting next to each side of Fushiguro’s bed, as they were visiting both you and him, while all of them were munching on the pizza (which only had a few slices left) that was currently sitting on top of Fushiguro’s legs.

“Well, we got along, but like...I remember what happened, but I wasn’t exactly myself then…” Itadori answered in complete uncertainty as he didn’t even know the answer himself, causing him to scratch his head in confusion.

“What, were you drunk?” Kugisaki questioned in confusion since she was expecting a confident answer from her classmates.

“You believe I could’ve been drinking liquor in this situation? I’m shocked,” Itadori mentioned before looking down with somewhat of a disappointed look that his owl friend thought of him like that. “But I’m glad you and Y/N weren’t seriously hurt, Fushiguro. You’re able to eat pizza now, too” Itadori stated with a smile on his face as he turned to look at the shikigami user before turning his head to see your still sleeping figure on the bed behind Kugisaki causing her to turn around to check if you had woken up yet.

“Come on, bring me something easier to digest,” Fushiguro replied since he was still recovering but nonetheless, took the food that was given to him.

“No complaining,” Kugisaki answered back before taking another bite of her pizza slice before snatching the box away from Itadori, who was about to grab another slice, due to her wanting to save the last remaining two slices of the cheesy food for you.

“Apparently, I got off easier because my cursed energy was all dried up, Ieiri-san was still able to fix me up as soon as the roots were removed, but I didn’t know Gojo used up so much cursed energy as well, Gojo seemed really worried when he went to Ieiri-san,” Fushiguro explained before turning his head to glance at you.

“Huh, so that’s a thing that can happen?” Itadori questioned.

“You fought against them, didn’t you? Also, did you see the flowers right above us when we were in the veil? They were so pretty!” Kugisaki commented, before looking up as if she was going to answer who was the person was that released the technique.

“Flowers? Oh, you mean the pink ones?! Kugisaki, those were so dangerous, didn’t you see the blue lighting explosion that happened right after?! It literally gave the curse a whole gash across its body!” Itadori exclaimed in shock causing Fushiguro to remember the array of flowers that were hanging in the sky when Panda was carrying him just before he crossed the veil.

“It was so beautiful though, I hope to see them again, I wonder who it was?” Kugisaki questioned before finishing off the last piece of pizza.

“Itadori, you’ve grown stronger. Back then, we both said our convictions were proper ones, I still think that’s true. Or, put another way, we’re both wrong,” Fushiguro mentioned with a low tone, causing both Itadori and Kugisaki to look at him as he was talking.

“Huh?” Itadori uttered in a confused tone, while Kugisaki processed to rest her face on the palm of her hand with a small pout.

“Some questions don’t have answers, you know. You’re thinking too hard, you’ll go bald,” Kugisaki mentioned.

“That’s right. There is no answer, it’s just whether or not you can accept it. But there’s no accepting anything if you can’t have it your way. Weak sorcerers can’t do that,” Fushigurp replied back causing the whole room to go silent as they were beginning to process what Fushiguro had said in his mind.

“So I’m going to become strong, too. I’ll surpass you in no time,” Fushiguro declared as he turned to face Itadori with a look of determination.

“You never change,” Itadori responded with a small light giggle.

“Don’t just move the conversation forward without me, we need to catch up with him and Gojo,” Kugisaki mentioned with annoyance painted on her face.

“That’s my brother’s friends for you!” 

Suddenly, the first-year trio rapidly turned their heads forwards to suddenly discover Todo sitting down right in front of Fushiguro’s bed with a smile on his face as he nodded proudly of the conversation that he had interrupted.

Unexpectedly, Itadori rushed towards the glass sliding door next to your bed and opened it with a loud bang before swiftly sprinting away from Fushiguro’s room as fast as a cheetah, only for Todo to follow behind him yelling out where his brother was going.

“I’m grateful to you, but give me a break!” Itadori screamed, causing Fushiguro and Kugisaki to look at the scene with deadpan shocked faces. However, what they didn’t seem to notice was you softly groaning at the loud noise that was happening right now leading your eyes to slowly open but quickly close due to the bright lighting in the room right now.

Hesitantly, you slower opened your eyes again to see a maroon coloured ceiling before blinking a few times to focus your sight, causing you to gradually sit up on the bed you were laying in as your looked down onto your lap leading your hair to cover your face away from your classmates, who now finally noticed that you had awakened from your slumber.

“Gojo, you’re awake!” Kugisaki announced with a smile on her face, yet that smile slowly disappeared once she noticed how you weren’t answering her at all, but rather you kept silent as your hand began to bring itself to your forehead as if you had a headache.

‘So loud…’

After sitting in silence for a while, you noticed that you were wearing a long white button-up with some black Adidas shorts leading you to wonder who changed you since Kugisaki was the only one to ever see you in your undergarments since she was always the one barging into your changing room to throw more clothing pieces for you to try. However, that was one minor inconvenience to think about right now.

Slowly, you turned your body around (so your back was facing Fushiguro and Kugisaki) before placing your feet down onto the wooden flooring, leading Fushiguro to worry about you falling since you had been asleep for quite some time, yet for some reason, you couldn’t hear him at all.

Steadily, you began to stand up with your hand on the mattress to keep some stability in case you did stumble back before you began to make your way towards the gap of the glass door that Itadori and Todo left through before gently lifting your head up to admire the clear sky from above.

‘It’s warm…’

Casually, your body began to lean on the side of the door to give yourself some support as you began to brisk in some of the light warmth the sun was giving you as if that was enough to bring you the comfort that you wanted right now before noticing how the wind was slowly picking up.

“Gojo, you would really get back in bed, you’re still in the healing process and it’s quite cold,” Kugisaki mentioned as she stood up to come to collect you and guide you back to back. However, for some reason, something was telling her to stop as she noticed how you were not listening to anyone at all - or, you just didn’t hear them as it seemed like your hearing was blocked for any human to human communication.

Instantly, the wind that was picking up suddenly blew out a large gush causing some of the leaves from the trees to violently ruffle from its branches while your hair was now messily blowing in the wind as you leaned against the side closer to maintain your footing before you steadily noticed a few pink petals making their way towards you from your right side causing your eyes to widen in shock.

‘There’s still some more?’

Slowly lifting your hand to the sky, you lightly felt the petal grazed your fingers ever so slightly before they slowly become disintegrated to a flow of cursed energy they were made out of causing Kugisaki to look at them in amazement as she stood by your side, as she realised that more was coming towards you both as if you were a magnet to them leading her to come to an assumption that you were the one that cast the flowers back when she was in the veil with the other students and teachers as she remembered that Gojo mentioned that you had used a lot of cursed energy.

“Pretty…” you softly muttered with a small but disheartened smile, trying to hide the emptiness that your heart now had to endure.

“Right,” Kugisaki answered back as she leaned her body on your side while continuing to admire the small flower show that was happening right now causing you both to not realise that the person behind you had his eyes widened as if he had just remembered something that he had completely forgotten about.

                                              ꕥ

“So anyways, a lot happened and some people died, but how about it? Want to  continue with the exchange event?” Gojo asked all the students who were in the room right now...well all of them minus one.

“Where is Gojo though? Shouldn’t she be here?” Fushiguro asked while standing here the staircase as Kugisaki and Maki began to look around the room to see if you really weren’t here with them causing him to look at Fushiguro, scared about his perspective skills.

“Ah~ about that, she’s moving her stuff from her dorm to my clan’s estate for her safety!” Gojo announced before clapping his hands to the side like he did when you first came into Jujutsu Tech leading everyone in the room to widen their eyes at the news since it was quite unexpected since you seemed like the type to reject the idea since Tengen’s barrier was helping you to be protected - but for you, it was easier for you to hide your family heritage if you weren’t in the dorms much to your dismay.

“I don’t know what to say about it…” Itadori muttered as he was thinking of an answer for both the continuation of the Kyoto Sister Exchange Event as well as your sudden move away from the Jujutsu Tech student dorms.

“Obviously...we continuing it, of course,” Todo declared, causing Itadori to suddenly tense up as he steadily backed up near Gojo to have some coverage and security.

“Your reasons?” Gojo asked as he turned to look at the Kyoto student.

“First, only those with a connection to the dead have the right to mourn them, it’s not our place to butt in there and second, if people have died, that’s all the more reason we need to become stronger, besides if it weren’t for the flower technique back then, we wouldn’t have been able to cause more crucial damage to those cursed spirits. Acquired strength comes from the accumulation of results. Tasting defeat and savouring victory is what leads up to grow, the most important part is for those results to exist,” Todo explained as he became to recall the blue lightning that damaged the special-grade curse to a massive degree which was enough for him to gain the upper ground during his fight leading Gojo to internally smile at the information.

“Todo-senpai’s surprisingly reliable,” Miwa whispered to her classmate Mai.

“Reliably crazy,” Mai answered as she rested her head on her knuckles.

“Third, when a student feels like they weren’t able to bring out their best, it hangs over them until they die,” Todo mentioned with a confident smile.

“How old are you?” Gojo suddenly questioned, as Todo wasn’t even as old as he was and the Kyoto student was already talking about ‘hangs over then until they die’.

“I’m fine with that,” Fushiguro mentioned.

“We’ll win anyway,” Kugisaki stated with confidence.

“It sounds stupid, but he has a point,” Kamo replied with calmness.

“Why don’t you rest, Kamo-kun?” Nishimiya mentioned as she stared at her classmate with a fed-up expression due to the bandages wrapped around his face.

“No objections here,” Panda declared as he was answering for the second years in the Tokyo side.

“Salmon~” Inumaki replied back.

“Will we draw lots for the individual battle pair-ups? I want to see Gojo beat Todo’s ass again,” Maki asked before mentioning you since she wanted to see you in a proper fight rather than the million of practice rounds you had with her causing Kugisaki to smile at the thought as well.

“Huh? There are no individual battles this year,” Gojo unexpectedly announced, causing all of the students from both Tokyo and Kyoto to become extremely perplexed.

“I hate routines, you know. Every year, we put the competition methods in this box and open it on the day of,” Gojo explained before tossing the wooden box to Itadori, who looked up for his permission to take out whatever was in the box which he was granted when the teacher nodded at him.

Reaching into the wooden box, Itadori’s fingers felt one single piece of paper within the box before he carefully took it out to see what was written on it, only for him to blink that the wording in pure confusion.

“Baseball?!” Principal Yaga exclaimed in confusion leading Itadori to suddenly discover that both principals from the Jujutsu Tech schools were peering over his shoulders, causing Gojo to walk out of the building with a pleasant smile on his face.

Once outside, he could hear the commotion from behind as he stretched his arms happily before placing his hands in his pocket as he noticed you were standing in front of him with some distance, while one hand on your hips and the other holding a familiar carton of orange juice that he remembered leaving on the bedside table when you were recovering.

“Going home?” he asked before making his way towards you.

                                              ꕥ

Currently, you were walking towards a certain baseball field after finishing some moving your items to the Gojo clan’s estate with an outfit consisting of a simple white button-up shirt tucked into a long black skirt paired with black heeled ankle boots that you decided to wear for the first time since they had been sitting in the box for quite some time after you had brought them on your last shopping trip with Kugisaki.

From what you could hear from the distance, there seemed to be a lot of shouting going on meaning someone didn’t know the rules of the game or they just been called out and the player wasn’t having it at all.

Opening the metal gate, a few people began to notice you coming into the field leading some of your Tokyo classmates to greet you while a certain black divine dog decided to leave it’s owners side to rush to yours before sitting down in front of you with what seemed to be a happy look on its face causing a small smile tp quickly appear on your face as you began to pat its head.

“Hi there,” you greeted it, causing the dog to bark back at you while its tail continuously thumped the ground as if to express the happiness it had when it saw you.

“Shouldn’t you go back to Fushiguro to play the game?” you questioned it causing it to whine slightly before listening to you as it got up and turned back around to head towards Fushiguro, leading you to look at the side to see if there were any seats for you to sit on.

“Ah, Gojo! Are you going to play baseball with us?” Itadori asked cheerfully, causing you to smile back at him before rejecting the offer.

“You guys already started, so there is no point in my playing, but thank you for the invite,” you stated before quickly taking a seat on the bench behind you as you patted your skirt to stop any creases that were going to appear before spectating the game that was happening in front of you right now.

After a while, you had to admit that watching everyone from Jujutus Tech play baseball was certainly more interesting than the actual official game themselves on the TV screen you see from time to time, while Kugisaki throwing her helmet to the ground after the whole pitching machine incident to everyone being shocked at Momo catching the ball on her broom leading Itadori and Inumaki to shout to Todo being hit by Maki’s pitch leading everyone to encourage her further.

‘What a mess’ you thought with a grateful expression on your face that you weren’t playing in his game for the second day of the Exchange Event.

“Are you okay?” someone suddenly asked, causing you to snap out of your thoughts to look to your right to find Fushiguro looking at you with an unreadable expression on his face. 

Unable to say your answer, you nodded at him before turning back to face yourself forwards as you gradually began to recall some of the events that had happened for the past few days before your head steadily placed itself on the middle of your chest as the empty feeling was somewhat still lingering - like as if something was dragged out of your soul.

‘1000 years ago…’

“Yeah...I’m fine,” you answered slowly as more information began to recall in your mind. From how you were sealed a thousand years ago only for the same sealed to be opened fifteen years ago leading to where you were now...surrounded by people that could potentially either keep you safe or do something that had many outcomes, especially with Sukuna residing within Itadori - with relief he didn’t know anything about your real birth.

‘Should I tell Gojo?’

“Gojo...I wanted to ask...have we met before? Like before we met in Sendai?” Fushiguro questioned you with a stutter causing your eyebrow to crook up in confusion leading Kugisaki, who was next to you to look at you with the same confusion.

“No, we never met before, you drag,” you answered, still perplexed on how he came up with a question with such an obvious answer leading you to lift your hand to flick his forehead for such a stupid question.

“Is that so?” Fushiguro muttered under his breath before looking up in the sky with amazement at how far Itadori had hit the ball with his bat while you and Kugisaki did the same.

‘Tiger of the West Middle...still lives up to that name’

Unexpectedly, you heard a childish giggle leading you to turn your head to find Gojo passing the school principals while using his infinity to keep the ants below his feet safe to which caused you to scoff in amazement at how lacked he was to use his technique all the time.

“Let’s go home Y/N!” Gojo shouted, causing you to look at him with a crooked eyebrow before scoffing once again at his playful behaviour.

“Let’s go home,” you whispered under your breath before everyone in the first year stood by your side and followed you out of the field to have a conversation with you before you left to go back to the Gojo estate.

‘Home huh?’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk imagines #jjk imagine #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #kugisaki nobara #gojo satoru #zenin maki #inumaki to/ge #jujutsu kaisen panda #jjk panda #todo aoi #kamo noritoshi #nishimiya momo #miwa kasumi #zenin mai #nanami kento #ieiri shoko #utahime iori #meimei #jujutsu kaisen mei mei #jjk mei mei #itadori yuji x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #kugisaki nobara x reader

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 16) - Drowning

Summary: The reader’s night goes from bad to awful fast but thankfully Jensen shows up at the last second to stop things from getting any worse. But the guilt the reader feels over trying to end things with Jensen to protect him starts to become too much...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,600ish

Warnings: language, being drunk, minor violence, scary situations, angst, fighting, fluff, offscreen death of minor character, anxiety, panic attack, minor injury

A/N: This chapter is a whirlwind! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was a close to an hour later and you were halfway through a bottle of bourbon, laying on the back porch of your mom’s house, staring at the rafters and debating finishing off the whole thing.

“Y/N?” you heard. Your skin crawled as you sat up, spotting your father at the other end of the wrap around. “Are you drunk?”

“This would be an appropriate time to tell you that yes, I am and I also have this,” you said, reaching behind your and picking up a hunting rifle. “I might be plastered but I think that’ll only improve my aim. I’ll be nice and shoot for your balls first.”

“You got so much wrong about me kid.”

You fired a shot near his feet and he held up his hands.

“Why don’t you go jump off a bridge or some shit,” you said.

“Y/N.”

You pulled the trigger as he took a step forward and he jumped when it hit the window nearby. You pulled again but it just clicked as he walked closer. 

“Your new momma never taught you that kind of rifle only has two shots, did she,” he said. You tried to stand but got way too dizzy and fell down. 

“Well I can still tear you apart with my teeth,” you said. 

“You’re drunk and judging by your face, very upset. What happened to that boy you were with? I didn’t see him when I looked around.”

“Touch me and that boy will rip your head off.”

“This doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” he said, stepping far too close for your liking. You swung the rifle at him but he caught it and kicked the bottle away before you could get at it. “All grown up. Probably enjoy it now.”

You crawled back as far as you could, eyes darting behind him when you saw movement. You barely caught the brown hair and green eyes before your father was face first on the porch. You tried to stand but he yanked on your ankle and pulled you down hard. It took a long time to peel open your eyes again, your father now at Jensen’s feet. Jensen pushed down on his back while he talked on the phone to someone and it didn’t take long to hear sirens in the distance.

“For the record,” said Jensen as he walked over to you and crouched down, his belt around your father’s wrists, “I didn’t believe you for a second. Oh and you’re a dumbass but you’re my dumbass. Forever. Got it?”

“I couldn’t…” you trailed off. He nodded and took off his flannel, wrapping it over your shoulders. “I knew he would do something and I couldn’t have him near the kids or know they exist. I couldn’t-”

“I know, honey,” he said. “But don’t you dare ever do anything like that again.”

You put your head down sniffled, dizzy still as he rubbed your back before going back to watching your dad.

It took an hour or so before you could go home and you were sober enough to stand on your own. 

“Can I ask why you made the executive decision that you did?” asked Jensen, holding your arm loosely as you got into his car to head back.

“Because I’m stupid,” you said dryly from the passenger seat as he turned on his SUV.

“I mean more so why didn’t you come to me if you were scared? Why make up a lie?”

“You did let me go. You must have believed me at least for a few seconds,” you said.

“No, I actually didn’t.”

“You let me go.”

He was quiet until you got close to the brewery, Jensen pulling off onto the plot of land he owned next to it. You leaned your head against the cold window and he turned off the engine.

“This whole, tired, don’t talk to me attitude right now? Been there. Lived it. I know it’s bullshit.”

“You let me leave so you did believe me so-” you said, Jensen pressing a finger to your lips. 

“I am certain of very few things and you are one of them. I let you go so I could figure out what scared you so badly you’d lie, to me. There’s only one thing I can think of so before you even had a foot out of that house, I was calling people and I got put on with Detective Finn who worked your case as a kid and I find out that dick for brains sack of shit just moved practically down the street from us. It does not take a genius to put the pieces together.”

“Fine! I did it in some stupid attempt to protect you,” you said. You glared at him and he shook his head. “What?”

“I’m not gonna get mad at you.” You put your head back on the window and stared out to the dark trees, sniffling some. “Why do you want me to be angry with you?”

“Uh because I didn’t forget to turn on the washing machine or leave on a light. I lied. I lied so big that-”

“You lied to protect your family from a monster. Do I wish you had told me? Yes. But I fuck up so much and you’ve never once been angry with me for making a mistake and I’ll never be angry with you for making one either. I know you want me to be angry with you, feel like you should be punished for what you imagine is hurting me. But you didn’t hurt me, Y/N. You didn’t and I know you get that because so many times you’ve been on the other side of this and I know you’ve never once thought, oh yeah Jensen’s a piece of shit, let him really have it. No. Just no. So I’m not getting mad at you and I don’t know what to fucking say to make you feel better like you always do me and I’m so sorry he got so close to hurting you again. But I’m really good at fighting monsters in this family. So please next time, I don’t care if you’re scared of the bug on the wall or you think someone’s outside the house or what it is. If you’re scared, tell me and I’ll do my best to make it go away, I promise.”

“What do you do when you want to hate yourself for being an idiot?” you asked quietly. You heard him shift in his seat and you shut your eyes, the sound of a door opening and then another. Strong arms wrapped around you and you buried your face in his chest.

“I try to treat myself as kindly as she does. She would never hate me and she hates when I’m in pain. I see it all over her face. So I try to cut myself some slack and ask myself if she would hate me and when I realize no, I’m forced to forgive myself and it normally takes a few hours but it works pretty good. A lot of hugs and cuddling don’t hurt either.”

“Thank you for stopping him.”

“Don’t.”

“Thank you. I owe you so, so much.”

“You don’t owe me a damn thing. We got each other’s backs and that’s all there is to it. I’m just sad I missed you trying to shoot his dick off.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Find my iPhone. Also I figured that was a good place to check,” he said. “I would have been here sooner if Jared didn’t drive like a tortoise over to the house to watch the kids.”

“I’m sorry I scared you...and you had to do that tonight.”

“Oh punching your father was a personal highlight for me. Trust me,” he said. He stroked your cheek and you turned into the touch, eyes squeezing shut. “You’re safe.”

“He’s going to get out on bail and-”

“And we have a very good lawyer. Oh, and I know the mayor so fuck his ass, he’s not getting bail.”

You buried your face once again and he put a finger under your chin, lifting it up.

“You’re still scared.”

“He’s gonna get arrested for what, trespassing? Attempted assault? I was drunk and shot at him. He can spin it. He can spin it and be out on the street like that.”

“I’m going to ask the lawyer to do something else, something that maybe can take care of that problem.”

“What?” 

“Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit. He’s been gone for fifteen years. I have this bad feeling you weren’t the only one. Or even before that.”

“Or maybe he just hates me.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m gonna take care of it.”

“Jensen, I know you don’t have to worry about the money but it might still not be enough.”

“It’s enough,” he said. “Or else next time I’ll be the one with the rifle.”

“You would kill him?”

“Honestly? Yeah if it came to it. I wish people like him died in car crashes, not innocent ones. We have every right to protect ourselves and our family and I’m not letting him touch the kids or you ever.”

“I should probably say that’s bad but I don’t disagree.”

“Money works a lot. A real lot. Maybe he did something super bad and he can rot in prison forever.”

“Maybe,” you said, spotting a cruiser pull up nearby. 

“Stay here, sweetie,” he said. He walked over while the officer got out. He spoke to Jensen for a moment, Jensen’s face a bit blank when he turned around. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Your dad had a heart attack in the backseat,” said Jensen quietly. You cocked your head and he shook his. “Your father. In the police cruiser that was taking him for booking. He was just pronounced.”

“He died?”

“He was really overweight and didn’t look to be in the best health. He probably got his heart rate up too high and...the officer said he’d escort us home, stay outside the house for the night, calm our nerves.”

“He’s really dead?” you asked. You looked over at the officer and he came over, giving you a quick smile. “He really died?”

“Yes mam.”

“What...happens now?” you asked.

“We’ll file the report but you don’t necessarily need to press charges anymore. You’re next of kin as far as we’re aware so the body…” he trailed off when he looked at you. “We can talk about this with your lawyer.”

“Thanks,” said Jensen. “We’ll be on the road in a minute.” 

The officer climbed back in his cruiser, Jensen leaning against the doorframe. He tucked your hair behind your ear, letting out a deep breath.

“Y/N,” he said. He stroked your cheek, your head turning up. “What is it, honey?”

“I don’t feel bad at all. I’m actually happy. That kinda is freaking me out a little. You shouldn’t be happy someone died.”

“Most people you’re right, you shouldn’t. But there are exceptions. He tormented you. He harassed you. He came after our family. I’m gonna sleep just fine tonight knowing he’s never coming back in our lives.”

“Were you scared of him?” He ducked his head down and you took hold of his hand. “Jensen.”

“Put it this way, I’d protect my family by any means necessary. What scares me was what if I was five minutes later tonight. Ten minutes. My job is to protect you and especially from monsters like that.”

“I’m a big girl Jensen. You don’t have to protect me from anything.”

“Yes I do, just like if it were me in your shoes I know you’d have done the same exact thing. We protect each other. It’s not because I’m the guy or I’m stronger. You’re my family and that’s what we do.”

“Thank you for protecting me and forgiving me for being stupid earlier,” you said. He smiled and nodded.

“You’re my dumbass and I’m yours,” he said. “Want to go home now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

“He’s really gonna spend the night?” you asked half an hour later in bed, Jensen shutting the door after himself. “He knows there’s a cop outside, right?”

“What can I say, Jared...he thinks of you like a little sister,” he said. “I can’t blame him for being protective.”

“I’ll be right back,” you said. You climbed out of bed and went downstairs, the light dim aside from where Jared was reading on the couch, a blanket over his legs. He looked over the top of the book and set it down, sitting up.

“Everything alright?” he asked. You smiled and took a seat on the edge of the couch, pulling him into a hug. 

“Thanks for staying,” you said, a pair of large arms wrapped around your back. 

“Of course.”

“You do know there’s nobody to bother us now, right?”

“I know. Some peace of mind never hurt anybody though,” he said. “Go on back to your fiance. You guys had a rough night.”

“Yeah,” you said, closing your eyes. “Thanks.”

He kissed your temple and you returned to your room, Jensen pulling you under the covers. You let out a deep breath, turning into his side. 

“Here,” he said. He started to take off his bracelet but you shook your head.

“It’s yours, Jensen. I feel safe, I promise.”

“You’re tense still, honey.”

“Still working on that not being so angry at myself thing,” you said. He smiled and kissed you quickly, laying an arm over your waist. “I know what you said but I still want you to be pissed at me for lying.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

“But-”

“You didn’t hurt me, Y/N and you know what? Sometimes, you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna hurt you. We’ll have bad days and get annoyed with one another. I’ll leave dishes in the sink and make a mess of the closet. You’ll chew with your mouth open and never fill up your car with gas until it’s too low. We’re not perfect. But even if we do hurt each other, we forgive each other because that’s what you do. We’re not always gonna like each other and what we do but we’ll always love each other. I don’t want to be mad at you. I want you to feel safe and know that I understand why you did what you did. I do. Please try to let it go, for me.”

“I am trying,” you said quietly. You shut your eyes and turned away, his arm over you pulling you back against his chest. “You’re normal. I can’t just stop hating myself like that.”

“You think I’m normal?” he chuckled. “Me?”

“Did you ever have to punch Dee’s psycho father? Did you ever have to talk about protecting her? Did she ever put your family in danger? Did she ever-”

“Y/N.”

“Go away,” you said, pushing his arm off of you. You moved over farther on your side of the bed, tucking your covers under your chin. The bed shifted and you tried to move again but his arm pulled you straight back to his chest, fingers dipping under your ribcage and holding you in place. 

“I might not have had to have done those things for her but I would have. For the record, you didn’t put anyone in danger. That fucking asshole did. It is not your fault he was an evil and vile person. All you did was try to protect us because you were scared and I know, I know you didn’t tell me because you’re so scared of that man and I don’t blame you. He made my skin crawl and I interacted with him for all of five minutes. Get it out of your system however you need to but you are stuck with me forever. There is nothing you could do to make me want you gone so get used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” you breathed out. You pulled your sheets over your head, taking deep heaving breaths. “You have so much to worry about already. You shouldn’t have to…”

“Did you think I couldn’t handle the news?” he asked. “That your father was so close by?”

“I thought you’d hate me,” you whispered. He tugged down your sheets and you squeezed your eyes shut as he turned you around.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Now you’re angry.”

“Look at me.” You forced them open, meeting a soft face and sad eyes. “Why would I ever hate you?”

“My shit’s supposed to stay in the past. You don’t…” you said, Jensen furrowing his brow. “See, you’re mad.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Your shit stays in the past.”

“It means you’ve had the world’s worst fucking year and you’re in such a good place now and you need to focus on you and not have my shit come in and fuck that up.”

“Do you think I can’t take care of you?” he asked.

“No of course not.”

“It sounds like you’re saying that you think you can’t have problems cause I can’t handle it.”

“Well at least I got what I wanted with you pissed,” you said, glaring up at him, tears welling in your eyes. You tried to push away but he held his arm around you. “Jensen, let me up.” You pushed again and he glared right back. “Stop it. Let me out of bed.” He only glared and you tore your eyes away from his face. 

“Do you think I’m weak?”

“No,” you said, keeping your head low.

“Then why-”

“Because you need a fucking break. I dealt with this shit years and years ago. I understand needing a fucking break and people need to take care of you, help you. You’re a different man than the one I met way back in January. You’re so happy and healthy and you have a different outlook on life again and that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you for that. But you’re just, just out of the woods and I’m not gonna be the one that sends you back in because of my fucking problems.”

“They’re our fucking problems,” he said. “Our problems. There’s no your problems or my problems anymore. It’s us together. Why do you think I’d hate you?”

“Jensen,” you said, pushing on his chest. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“I said stop!”

“Tell me.”

“Because I’m scared,” you said. He let his hold go lax and you sat up, getting out of bed. You walked over to the balcony door and rested your forehead against the cool glass. The bed creaked and you felt his presence behind you. 

“You’re scared of me.” You scrunched up your face and nodded. “Why?”

“Because if you realized how fucked up I am, you wouldn’t come near me with a ten foot pole. I’m not supposed to cause you problems. I’m supposed to fix them, be there for you.”

“But I can’t be there for you. You assume I’m just a dick where it’s only me and my shit that we can work on right?” he said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Relationships go both ways, Y/N. I don’t expect you to take care of me for the rest of my life. You are allowed to need help too.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t understand,” he said, grabbing your arm and spinning you around. He was frowning, his voice an octave higher if you didn’t know any better. “Do you honestly think I would have been angry at you if you told me about your father being in town? Do you?”

“I put the kids-”

“For the last time, you didn’t put anyone in danger,” he growled. “What is going on with you?”

“How many times do I have to say it, I’m not supposed to cause any problems!” you said.

“Yes you are! You, me, the kids. We’re all gonna have fucking problems sooner or later. Why do you think I’d hate you for telling me you had a problem, sweetheart?”

You fidgeted with the bottom of your shirt, looking past him.

“Something with your dad, isn’t it. Something got triggered in you after that phone call with the detective, didn’t it.”

“Call Ray. Tell him to come over,” you said quietly. He nodded and grabbed his phone, sending off a quick message before he was guiding you to sit on the bed.

“Honey,” he said when you pulled away from him. “Okay, no touching. Can I get you anything while we wait for Ray?”

“Probably should tell that cop that we’re expecting someone,” you said, rubbing your hands against your thighs. “Fuck, tell Ray it’s the help thing. He’ll understand.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod. You rubbed your legs harder and he stared at you. “Y/N.”

“I’m trying not to have a panic attack,” you grit out. “I haven’t had one since I was eight.”

Your head was turned and you felt his hands on your cheeks, Jensen forcing a smile. You stared for a long beat before you took a breath, his head nodding. 

“That feels better,” you said, your hands not rubbing so hard. You heard feet and the door open, glancing behind Jensen to catch Jared in the doorway. You could feel your heart rate pick up, Jared nodding.

“I get panic attacks too,” he said. You nodded and Jensen glanced over his shoulder. “I heard arguing.”

“Can you tell that cop outside Ray is coming by and to let him in?” said Jensen.

“Sure. Who’s Ray?” asked Jared.

“Her mom’s old boyfriend and foster dad. He was her therapist when she was little. Something’s not right,” said Jensen.

“I’ll send him up as soon as he gets here.”

You felt calmer by the time Ray was walking in fifteen minutes later in sweats and not much more. 

“Hey kiddo,” said Ray, giving you a quick hug before he squatted down in front of you. “Doing okay?”

You shook your head and shut your eyes, Jensen holding an arm around you. He explained what happened, Ray staying quiet. You eventually opened your eyes to stare at the floor, Ray standing and pulling over the bench from the end of the bed to sit on. 

“Y/N do you want Jensen to stay?” he asked. You nodded and he hummed. “Y/N.”

“Yes,” you said dryly. “Can I have some water?”

Jensen got up and retrieved a glass from the bathroom, the pair of them watching you chug half of it down before you sat it on the nightstand.

“Y/N, does Jensen know what triggered you?” he asked.

“Not specifically. Asking for help he figured out but not the reason,” you said, looking away. 

“Well on the bright side, you didn’t have a panic attack, you worked through it, you trusted Jensen to help you through it even if he didn’t know why and some of your coping skills helped you out quite a bit. But this is something Jensen needs to know. You’ll need help in a relationship and I know this is the big one but he needs to know so this never happens again,” said Ray.��

“What if he thinks I overreacted?” you said.

“I won’t, trust me,” said Jensen. “Secret’s safe with me.”

“Go on, Y/N,” said Ray. You took a deep breath and Jensen held your hand, stroking his thumb over the back.

“So you kinda figured out that me having a problem was the trigger and that I didn’t ask for your help earlier and kinda assumed a bad reaction if I did.”

“Yup and that’s all okay,” he said softly. 

“It wasn’t because of you that I assumed you’d have a bad reaction. It was something that happened to me that sort of...default my head to react and anticipate things in a certain way in that particular situation.”

“So if you have a problem and ask for help, you assume the person you’re asking for help from will not take it in a good way?” he asked.

“Yeah, basically. If it’s a really big problem and if I anticipate that the problem would upset the person I’m asking then my head assumes this bad thing will happen. In that case, it assumes the much better option is to not reveal the problem at all and handle it myself because then the bad thing won’t happen,” you said.

“The bad thing. It’s bad isn’t it,” he said. “Really bad.”

“Y/N, remember you can share without the graphics involved,” said Ray. You nodded and leaned your head back.

“When I was six I broke something of my dad’s. A mug. His favorite mug. I picked up the pieces but I knew it was his favorite so I didn’t throw it out. I asked him for help putting it back together,” you said. “The amount of rage he had over a broken mug...I never experienced such a horrible day in all eight years as that one.”

He didn’t say anything and you tucked your feet up, holding one up to him and showing the bottom. He stared at it and cocked his head, narrowing his eyes. It took him a moment but you saw when he noticed the small little scars. His eyes flickered back to yours and you nodded.

“He hurt me badly,” you said. “All day long.” He stared at you and you told him exactly the way the scars came to be, Jensen shuddering and closing his eyes. “It wasn’t a good day.”

“Fuck,” he said, standing up and rubbing his arm. “You were six?”

He shook his head and went to the balcony door, taking a deep breath.

“Jensen. You alright?” asked Ray.

“No,” he said, turning around, looking to you. “That many times?”

“One for every broken piece,” you said. He ran his hands over his face and shut his eyes. “The worst thing was just that it went on all day. It was long enough for me to interpret it as conditioning for a result of an event rather than just a bad memory from everything me and Ray worked out back in the day. It hasn’t been a trigger for me ever really but we knew it could be someday for a big life problem potentially. I’m guessing with it involving my dad, it kinda sent me into overdrive earlier.”

“Jensen,” said Ray, shooting you a quick glance. “Y/N’s okay. I’m actually quite impressed with her behavior. There was no hesitancy or waiver in her voice. I don’t feel as though this will likely be an issue ever again now that it’s out in the open and her father is gone.”

“You’re the closest thing to a father she’s ever had,” said Jensen, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know every horrible thing that’s happened to her and, and you just...all you did was throw him out of the country for fifteen years?”

“First off, the law was different back then and it was a lifetime ban. Second of all, buddy, violence isn’t always the answer to violence,” said Ray, getting to his feet.

“You should have adopted her.”

“She didn’t want me to.”

“You were the damn adult. She was the kid. Act like one,” said Jensen. “I mean fuck, you adopted two other kids only a few years later.”

“If I had adopted her you wouldn’t even know she fucking exists,” shot back Ray. “Her father still would have come back and this would have happened regardless.”

“You should have done what you needed to the second he popped up again when she was a teenager.”

“I did not strike you as a violent man but I do not like it.”

“She was almost assaulted by that man again tonight,” growled Jensen. “He tortured her and tormented her and he got barely any time at all for that. I would have-”

“Why’d you call the police then?” he asked. Jensen swallowed and Ray shrugged. “Why back at the farmhouse did you call the police? You could have killed him, called it self-defense and been done with it. Why?”

Jensen looked down and Ray sighed.

“The price for being a good person is making hard decisions, Jensen. Would I have loved to have rid the world of that son of a bitch the second I learned all about him? Oh you don’t know the half of it. I’m a trauma therapist, Jensen. Mostly for kids and teenagers. Do you know how much fucked up shit I’ve heard in my life? The world has so much ugliness in it. But it’s got good too and that’s why you called the police like you were supposed to and that’s why she loves you. She needs a good man, not a violent one. I’m not saying don’t think about protecting your family. But don’t act on it unless you don’t have a fucking choice, kid. Understand me?”

Jensen nodded and Ray cleared his throat.

“Say it.”

“Yes, sir,” said Jensen quietly.

“Ray, don’t get mad at him. He’s not used to this stuff,” you said. You stood and pulled Jensen back to the bed, Ray crossing his arms and nodding. “If I ever feel this happening again, what should I do?”

“You could work on reconditioning instead,” said Ray. “Work on saying I have a problem to Jensen and ask for help, even if there isn’t a problem. If Jensen responds positively or even neutrally and you two work at it maybe an hour or so a day for the next week or two, I don’t think you’ll ever have to be afraid of that trigger coming back. All of your triggers Y/N have involved your father. I know similarities can set you off but they’re small, manageable. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you ever again.”

“I know. I should have trusted my partner to have my back,” you said.

“I don’t blame you. I didn’t before and I definitely don’t now,” said Jensen. Ray smiled and pulled the bench back over to the bed. 

“Get some rest you two,” he said. 

“Ray?” you said after he gave you a hug. “Why didn’t you adopt me?”

“Honestly?” he asked. You nodded, Jensen preening his ears. “You reminded me so much of your mother and I was devastated when we lost her. I should have been the adult and done what was right but after seeing her in pain for years...I didn’t have it in me to take on a grieving teenager that would have been just as angry back at me. She already was so angry then, I would have put fuel on the flames. I didn’t have it in me to be strong anymore and that’s my mistake for not trying.”

“You can adopt adults,” said Jensen. You both looked at him and he smiled. “Adults can be adopted.”

“Not sure if…” trailed off Ray as you smiled at him. “Y/N, we’ve only just started talking again.”

“Maybe if that keeps going well...maybe things could...work out…” you said. “If you wanted.”

“Yeah, maybe we can do that,” he said with a smile. “It’s getting late. Put her to bed. Don’t be surprised if there’s a nightmare or two tonight.”

“Okay. Thank you,” said Jensen as Ray started to leave.

“Take care of her kid,” he said. Jensen nodded and you lay back in bed, the house growing quiet. 

“I’m so sorry,” said Jensen, his head lowering after a few moments. “I should have realized…”

“You did realize,” you said, sitting up. “Even when my head couldn’t come out and say I trust you and I know I’m acting a certain way because of what my dad put me through, you stayed calm and figured it out. You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you. I got to pretend to be a cowboy and my dad read me stories when I was six. The worst thing I ever got was a few smacks but I know he regrets doing that,” he said. “Even then it was because I was acting out not…I just don’t understand why he would ever hurt you.”

“I stopped trying to understand him a long time ago,” you said, the door opening. You both turned, Arrow walking in with a pair of wet eyes. “You have a nightmare, sweetie?”

“I went…to the bathroom…” she said when you noticed her holding her wrist. Jensen hopped up and walked over, picking her up gently and setting her beside you. “I fell down off the step stool. It was wet.”

“Tell me what hurts,” he said.

“My hand,” she said. 

“Let daddy see,” you said. She moved her hand back and you both saw her wrist was swollen and bruised. Jensen swore under his breath and guided her hand back on it. “Okay, you hold it if it feels better that way, honey. Daddy, I think Arrow should go to urgent care.”

“Arrow, why don’t you go get your dolly and we’ll bring her with us. We might have to wait a minute,” he said. “Be careful okay? I’ll come get you in just a minute.”

“Mommy?” she asked, staring up at you. 

“Mommy’s really tired-” said Jensen when you stood up.

“Uncle Jared is staying over though, daddy. Go get your dolly and mommy and daddy will get dressed,” you said. She sniffled but climbed down okay, Jensen sighing when she left the room. “She wants me there and I want to be there. I’m going.”

“Alright but you’re going to try and get some sleep in the waiting room at least, please.”

“No promises.”

________

A/N: Read Part 17 here!

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