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ghelgheli · 1 month

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i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!

thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:

serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)

whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.

unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:

on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.

on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to what she calls effemimania* or essentially anti-femininity. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.

my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).

on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!

and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!

this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.

#ask answer #whipping girl #text

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actually-safer-to-kiss · 1 year

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The Pink Moon

Summary: Reader's anxious attachment style gets in the way of her enjoying the full moon.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: angst, somewhat hurt to comfort

Word count: 1.3k

The night is chilly and humid. You wrap yourself in a blanket while watching your chunks of Amethyst and Rose Quartz charge in the moonlight. You stare at them like they’ll hop off the ledge when you look away. Just as fast, you find yourself distracted by the moon behind them, glowing softly against the clear, dark sky.

Spencer comes to mind. You remember (once again) that it’s been nearly 13 hours, and you’ve barely heard from him. The Pink Moon is about relationships; you hoped he would spend time with you tonight for that reason alone, even though you were definitely not in a relationship. Instead, the crisp wind that grazes the back of your neck reminds you that he’s not here; no one is here tonight to keep you warm.

Your Tarot deck is in front of you. It seems easy to start a reading. But the idea of them saying anything about Spencer, explicitly calling you out for being such a lovesick fool so quickly, is something you know you couldn't handle right now.

You started seeing each other a couple of weeks ago after Penelope introduced you. You were shocked that the young genius at the FBI was easy to talk to. You had been in constant communication since he asked you to dinner after work just days later. His gentle gestures and calm tone were something you were not used to.

Now, he’s in Richmond working on a triple homicide case, as he said on the phone this morning. He’s likely surrounded by people who need his help. And you mope while wondering if that’s the last phone call you'll get from him. You're worried, actually expecting the case to be solved, the killer to be locked away, and Spencer to get home safely and not even bother to tell you.

Your list of past relationships is short. You could recall three if being together for a month counted. When your exes learned about your witchy tendencies at the start, they were for it. They were friendly when they asked about the Tarot and the significance of different colored candles on your altar. But it would fizzle out one way or another, usually after discovering your practices did not follow into the bedroom. Text messages and phone calls were then hours apart until they stopped altogether. And you were left to pick up the pieces again.

~ ~ ~

Science and behavior were some of Spencer's passions. He spoke about what he does for work and how he’s assigned to analyze things from a killer’s journals to how they present bodies upon being found. You wondered for a minute if you were in over your head when you agreed to dinner; and if such a logic-based personality could entertain your interests and beliefs.

As you spoke, though, Spencer leaned in to listen, fingers laced under his chin, not even looking away. Like your exes, he admitted he didn’t know much about Tarot. “Oh, bullshit,” you remember saying.

“What?” He laughed.

“I’ve got insider information.” You replied while tapping your temple. “Penelope said you knew everything. She said she even quizzed you on the cards. You didn’t miss one.”

“Well, that’s true —”

“Aha!” You point.

Spencer had to hold back another laugh. “But I couldn’t tell you what they mean in sequence. Like, during an actual… reading. I think that’s the lingo. Garcia taps into something I simply can’t.”

“Hm,” You lean back in your seat. “So, is this a sign to do a reading for you in the future?”

Spencer pursed his lips. “Perhaps.”

The rest of the night took place in a nearby park, where you both stood under a tree, and Spencer gave you what was equivalent to a lecture on constellations and how they had been a storytelling method as far back as the ancient Greeks. You lapped up the lesson, watching his hands move and his fingers crook as information flowed out of him with ease. It was like he was a textbook in a corduroy jacket. It only reinforced that he was being himself from the moment you met. And you liked that about him.

The first kiss came shortly after, but it wasn't easy. You made what Penelope would later call “embarrassingly obvious" flirting attempts that Spencer was not understanding. You dropped it until he walked you to your apartment door. This was the first time the entire night that silence hung awkwardly between you. You tried once again and hugged him goodnight. You attempted to pull away, but his arms were still wrapped around you, not moving. You didn’t question, simply held on, keeping your arms where they were for another two, three, four seconds.

When Spencer let go, you saw his smile was different. It was lazy, and his eyes were darker when he finally asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Your response, however, could be seen as less than polite. Instead of an enthusiastic yes, you poked his chest, an acrylic nail right into the corduroy. Despite moving away from it slightly, his arms around your waist helped you move along with him.

“Was I not obvious enough in the last hour?”

He raised his brows in genuine surprise. “Wait, no!” The gentleness of his demeanor shined again when you admitted what you wanted. And “Oh, thank God” was all he said before his hands rose to enclose your face in his warm palms and bring your lips together. And you enjoyed the crisp clarity that Spencer liked you as much as you liked him, and he wasn’t afraid to show it.

~ ~ ~

Your heart races with the memory. The wind blows at the back of your neck again, cooling you down this time. You pull your crystals off the balcony ledge and hold them in your hands, and keeping them close is more soothing. They can't get away from you here. Then you pick yourself up and prepare to call it a night. Your phone says it's tomorrow. It was easy to assume Spencer was asleep.

However, the universe added a twist by having his name pop up as you look at the time. Your phone vibrated, waiting for you to decide. You placed the crystals in your pocket. “Hello?”

“Hey!” The enthusiasm behind his voice makes you swell, and you hate to admit it. “Sorry that I’m calling you so late.”

"No, you're fine! How’s the case?”

“Good, we’re at the hotel packing up. Should be leaving in the next 30 minutes.”

“Oh, good,” you swallow. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

“Thanks.” He chuckles. “You’re looking at the moon, right?”

A smile creeps up on you. “Yeah. I am.”

“Me too.” The background noise of his team chatting is notable, but Spencer keeps talking. “I’m sorry I’m not there. Last minute calls are part of the job.”

“I know there are people who need you. It’s understandable.”

“I know.” He says. Silence reigns again. “I was doing some research on the Pink Moon on the drive. And apparently, it’s a good time to nurture relationships.”

“That is true.” You say. You feel like you should say more, but nothing comes to mind.

Spencer fills in the gap. “Doesn’t feel as nurturing to just be talking over the phone after not getting to speak for 13.4 hours, you know?”

“You think you can make it through the night?” You ask, sounding like such a confident smartass. When in reality, your heart is pounding in your ears.

“I’ll try my best to.”

“I will too.”

Silence is becoming more familiar between you, but a calmness in your core convinces you not to worry. So you sit in it, listening to Spencer as he breathes and even chokes down a yawn while the wind blows through on his end. “I don’t want to hang up.” He whispers.

“Me either.” You look up at the sky. The moon stands out against the stars, but you recognize some patterns in the glittering specks. Your heart continues to pump and you wonder if Spencer can easily pick up your deep breaths like you can with his. “Tell me about the constellations you can see.”

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dodgebolts · 11 months

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the moment that absolutely no one has been waiting for... here are the results of the dtblr survey that went out last week! Thank you to the 650 people who responded, easily eclipsing the 598 responses that were submitted in September :]

Open the read more to see the results!

Starting out, we have a newcomer to our top 8, welcome Awesamdude, who stole a spot from Quackity (20.7% -> 3.1%). Since the last survey, more people say they main all 3 Dream Team members and less people are maining their friends, most of them slipping under 10% of respondents saying they mained them save for the lovely Foolish Gamers.

Next, there was an increase in people who came for and still are here for the Dream Team—with a decrease in the proportion of respondents for nearly every other category. Dream team forever!

While most people (85%) have been around before 2022, we have a greater proportion of newer people around now! In the last survey, that number was even greater at 93%. So don't feel bad for being new, it's actually way more likely than you think, and a very warm welcome to the 5% of people who joined after the face reveal/meetup <3

Next is a question that I think is really interesting: has watching the Dream team influenced how people play Minecraft? More people now don't play as much, which tracks considering that they play Minecraft a lot less than they used to.

Now for a rather sore subject for a lot of people, since there's been quite a shift in who plays in MCC since the last time. In the last poll, 60.8% of people said they watched Dream. Now, those viewers have dispersed across creators or just stopped watching altogether, with both George and Sapnap gaining 10% from their numbers in the fall. However, 25% of people said that they don't watch anymore, a huge jump from the 4.5% in the fall. RIP MCC Dream, you're missed severely by the community <3

Next up, Trust Issues has managed to nearly catch up to some of Dream's released music, gaining 8 percentage points from the last survey. Dream if you're out there your fans want it really badly. Release it just for us?

Since the fall, we've seen the official end of the DSMP, so this is more of a legacy question, which is reflected pretty well in the statistics shifting towards people who either don't watch or are very casual about it, our lorehead population shrinking by 4 percentage points from the first survey.

These statistics haven't moved too much since the first one, the trends going pretty much as predicted with following decreasing from main -> alt -> priv (with the exception of Dream whose alt is often confused for his main) and with George and Sapnap having fewer people following them than Dream.

The statistics shift from this question is really interesting, especially given all the shit that's gone down on Twitter since the first survey. The percentage of dtblr who joined the fandom on there increased 7.7%, a gain that knocked down nearly every other platform's percentages. AO3 also makes its debut in the top 6, tying with Reddit exactly.

Much like the twitter following question, these statistics didn't shift too much, with the YouTube algorithm and word of mouth from other people/creators doing most of the heavy lifting of marketing for the Dream Team. Shoutout to the people who found out through either Heat Waves or MrBeast, you guys are on like 2 ends of a horrific spectrum y'all are strong as hell LOL

Now for some shared fandom trauma, these results also didn't change too much from the first survey. However, for this iteration I added Supernatural, as I probably should've done the first time considering this IS the SPN website after all. I managed to grab a few more people than last time out of the 'none of the above' category with its inclusion, so hi all my former and current SPN bloggers o/ <- has never seen the show before

A vast majority of us have watched gaming content in some form before, and fewer people this time have never watched gaming content before. From those who specified which games they'd watched, the titles ranged far and wide, so it's really cool to see all of us under the dtblr umbrella :)

Once again, this question showcases how lurkers truly carry the community on their backs—there's a small decrease in lurkers from last time and an increase in blogging answers, so it seems like some of our lurkers started posting which is awesome :D

Over half of us don't really watch any other MC servers, but there's still a ton of people who like watching them! From the last time I ran the survey, most of the servers—save for Empires and Karmaland—now have fewer dtblr watchers. The QSMP makes a strong debut on the board though, eclipsing half of the other options.

This was a really interesting question, though it seems like the vast majority of people either continued posting on the same blog or took a break and just jumped back into the fray! Also a late welcome to the ~15% of people who either weren't here or started posting after <3

The answers to this question showed some of the most interesting shifts from last fall's data. Fewer people seem to be listening regularly, and the proportion of people who responded no is nearly doubled from the fall's 21%.

These data points were also really interesting to see shift from the fall! Of note, fewer people like and tolerate Jackbox, and more people seem to have warmed up to FPS games—Fortnite, CS:GO, and Valorant all have fewer people in the "don't like & won't watch" category. Still, Valorant is easily the most hated game of the 6 while Geoguessr is still almost universally loved/tolerated.

As expected in the shipping category, DNF dominates any other ships, with Karlnap easily taking the second place. The proportion of Toosh enjoyers has doubled since the fall, up from 14.7%, while the number of non-shippers has halved. Additionally, the proportion of Karlnapity enjoyers has plummeted from 25.4% to less than 10%. Otherwise, most ships have stayed within 3-4 percentage points of their fall numbers!

Once again, Dream seems to have forced the hands of nearly half of us, turning non-RPF shippers into the RPF fandom we are today. Interestingly, the number of "yes" respondents has nearly doubled from the fall, while fewer people responded that they still don't ship RPF. As would make Dream happy probably, the pie chart is colored blue and green.

Now onto some of the demographic questions, we've continued to be very heavily biased towards North America and Europe, with nearly 85% of us coming from those two continents. Compared to the fall, we've gotten proportionally more South American and Oceanian rep. Hey to the Asians/Australians who are probably going to see this when it's first posted! o/

Once again, the majority of us seem to be around the same age as our streamers, with 80% of us falling between the ages of 18 and 30. Don't fret, though! From the fall, the proportion of respondents in both the <18 and >30 age brackets have increased. All in all, nothing too surprising.

The pride parade is still running from last fall, with approximately the same percentage of people identifying as LGBTQIA+ or unsure. Just in time for pride month in a day or so!

I'm not sure if I was just miscounting but I could not for the life of me get all of these little squares into a proper rectangle, so just bear with my weird organization here. Regardless, the majority of us rep the blue and green as our favorite colors, with multiple people specifying the hex code of George's minecraft shirt or a classic teal.

It's been about a month since this has been out, and we still unfortunately haven't gotten It Takes Two back. We're still in the phase 42% of people believe that we're going to stay in for a while, getting bounced back and forth between Dream and George hoping that they can get the other wrangled for it. #I_BELIEVE!

This was kind of a cruel question for most of us, but to the 11 people who answered that have met any of them, know that you're in a very select group of users. I'm jealous!

Now to answer the age-old question of the dtblr 1%, it constitutes those of you with around or over 5,000 followers, while a majority of people have less than 50 followers or just no blog at all. As with most other follower polls I've seen floating around, the responses were heavier towards the bottom, but as is the common advice/adage, follower count means very little here—just start chatting and posting!

For the final question, I thought it'd be interesting to see what dtblr's academic interests are, and also to reaffirm or break my belief that George is like a flame to the moths of CS/Engineering-focused people, which was at least initially supported by the data from the fall. We've got people from all across the diversity of academic fields, with the most people indicating that they're interested in the arts and humanities.

As for my hypothesis: among non-George mains, the proportion of CS/Engineering people is about 5.5%, whereas 18.3% of George mains indicated that they're interested in CS/Engineering. In fact, I took a closer look at all the people who noted their interest in CS/Engineering, and nearly 70% of them said that they mained George. Like I said, moths to a flame. or something. I'm right there with y'all 🫡

That's all! Thanks so much to everyone for responding and waiting for me to get through all of this data, it's always a big task but I love seeing the results. Until next time!

#lyss analyzes #dtblr general survey #idk what else to tag this LOL #sorry it took so long dskgjhdlsjfg #hope it was worth the wait!

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anotherobeymeblog · 9 months

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Which of the characters are the loudest in bed? 👀

I had to rewrite some of these parts three times because tumblr kept not saving the draft when I clicked "save draft" so forgive me if some of them sound a little clipped, I'm pretty annoyed about it lol

Loud

Mammon: Yeah, Mammon has absolutely no concept of volume control. Naturally, he's wildly embarrassed by this and will try to deny how loud he is even in between moans. It's pretty fun to tease him about this. It almost makes it worth all the times someone will bang on the door demanding you keep it down. Almost.

Diavolo: Idk what you expected. He sees no reason to try to hide what you're doing, so he doesn't bother keeping his voice down. And, tbh, I'm not convinced he could be quiet if he tried. This man has a big, booming voice and even his dirty talk sounds more like shouting. Barbatos isn't paid enough for this shit.

Solomon: Whore 💖 He's absolutely shameless, so you better hope no one else is in the same building as you when you fuck. Of course, if you ask him to try to be quiet, he'll happily make even more obnoxiously obscene noises just to annoy you.

Moderate

Leviathan: Levi will bite his lip raw to try to stifle his noises if you don't stop him. He's actually pretty quiet as far as like... decibels go, but his tone is so shrill, his voice carries much farther than it would otherwise. He sounds absolutely pathetic, and if you call him out for this, he will cry, but he will also cum on the spot.

Asmodeus: Okay, I know this is a hot take, but considering his vast uh. Experience, there's no way Asmo doesn't know how to adjust his volume for the situation. Much like everything else related to sex with Asmo, YMMV because he will try to shape himself into your ideal partner. However, if you do manage to get him to loosen up and stop trying to impress you, he naturally makes these clipped, high-pitched whines that are super cute, but not that loud.

Belphegor: So sex with Belphie can really be divided into two categories. Sometimes, it's slow, lazy sex where he's still half asleep and adorably clingy. In these cases, he's almost silent, with the only noises he's making being little sighs and incoherent mumbling that you think might be your name. But on the other hand, when he's in a particularly bratty mood and wants you to wreck his shit, it's a totally different story, and he will be spitting taunts at you even as the words keep getting cut off by choked moans.

Simeon: Simeon is prone to crying during sex and everyone else can fight me. He tries to maintain some semblance of dignity at first, but it never takes long before he falls apart and starts crying out freely.

Quiet

Lucifer: Yeah, the most you're getting from him is the occasional tremor in his voice. He's bad at showing vulnerability at the best of times, so you just have to get used to picking up on the way his mouth twists or his brow furrows, because you won't be getting any more obvious reactions than that. (Unless he's drunk, but that's another story altogether.)

Satan: Depending on his mood, the sounds he makes range from low growls to soft, breathy moans. Either way, it's gonna be pretty quiet, and you'd need to be within a couple feet of him to be able to hear them at all.

Beelzebub: If you're doing something particularly intense, you may be treated to some choked grunts, but otherwise, the only noises he really makes are his breath getting heavier and whispered praises that grow increasingly incoherent as he approaches his orgasm, at which point he seems to stop breathing altogether.

Barbatos: Barbatos makes these drawn-out, airy noises that are very cute, but almost inaudible if your faces aren't right up against each other. If you make it known that you want to hear him better, he won't get any louder, but instead will lean towards you to moan right in your ear.

#obey me #nsft #gn reader #obey me asmodeus #obey me leviathan #obey me belphegor #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #reader insert #obey me x reader

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morlock-holmes · 8 months

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The real reason that nonviolence is considered to be a virtue in Negroes—I am not speaking now of its racial value, another matter altogether— is that white men do not want their lives, their self-image, or their property threatened. One wishes they would say so more often. At the end of a television program on which Malcom X and I both appeared, Malcolm was stopped by a white member of the audience who said, “I have a thousand dollars and an acre of land. What’s going to happen to me?” I admired the directness of the man’s question, but I didn’t hear Malcolm’s reply, because I was trying to explain to someone else that the situation of the Irish a hundred years ago and the situation of the Negro today cannot very usefully be compared. Negroes were brought here in chains long before the Irish ever thought of leaving Ireland; what manner of consolation is it to be told that emigrants arriving here—voluntarily—long after you did have risen far above you? In the hall, as I was waiting for the elevator, someone shook my hand and said, “Goodbye, Mr. James Baldwin. We'll soon be addressing you as Mr. James X.” And I thought, for an awful moment, My God, if this goes on much longer, you probably will.

James Baldwin - The Fire Next TIme

Man, man I followed a chain of links and found that paper, "Decolonization is not a metaphor" and I read like three quarters of the dang thing before I realized that we all already got mad at it because it is morally insane.

This is less about the idea of a literal mass expropriation of land, and therefore wealth, from the current owners in the US, which A) is not going to happen any time soon (Land acknowledgements are acknowledging that you ain't giving the damn land back to anybody); and B) if you tell me that the land I live in will be given to the local indigenous people my first question is,

"So will they be raising the rent as much as the previous owners did?"

What's morally insane is... Okay, no, I object to the idea that the question is irrelevent, although the authors of the paper do say fairly explicitly that it is wholly irrelevant.

What I find morally insane about the paper is not the idea that the authors wish to ignore my feelings on the matter, but the very strong suggestion that I should train myself not to have an opinion on the matter.

I linked the paper up there, I don't want to summarize too much, but essentially, it posits a triad of indiginous person/settler/slave, which in the US context maps more or less onto Native American/white/black.

Indigenous peoples are those who have creation stories, not colonization stories, about how we/they came to be in a particular place - indeed how we/they came to be a place. Our/their relationships to land comprise our/their epistemologies, ontologies, and cosmologies. For the settlers, Indigenous peoples are in the way and, in the destruction of Indigenous peoples, Indigenous communities, and over time and through law and policy, Indigenous peoples’ claims to land under settler regimes, land is recast as property and as a resource.

Settler, in this paper, is not meant very literally. The settlement of the US involved not just the theft of land specifically, but the creation of certain narratives about who has rights to use land and in what way. My ancestors in this country go back hundreds of years but they are, to our best knowledge, legally white, and I am therefore a settler in the sense of having a certain relationship to certain racial and conceptual categories.

Don't get me wrong: the history of this country makes at least certain versions of that idea very plausible.

So what am I supposed to do with that?

If I take the authors of this paper morally seriously, (And once I took similar views very seriously, in some ways I still do) where does that put me?

Settlers in a country like the US do not and cannot have a creation story about how we came to be in a certain place. That I am a settler in the US very much does not make me somehow indigenous to Brittany where many of my ancestors come from; I do not have a story of how my people came to be in Brittany or Great Brittain any more than I have one for how we came to be in the USA.

What I can become, perhaps, is an immigrant:

Settlers are not immigrants. Immigrants are beholden to the Indigenous laws and epistemologies of the lands they migrate to.

Here's a question: How, as a settler, would I acquire the moral right to influence the laws and epistemologies of whichever land I should migrate to?

I don't have the legitimizing moral narratives that indigenous peoples do, am I doomed to simply occupy a subordinate place in a new hierarchy?

The authors, I should note, explicitly say no, but also explicitly say that they basically can't explain why not and so I just shouldn't worry about the question for now.

Honestly I think a tremendous amount of American history involves attempts to deal, psychologically, with the fact that the question of who has power and who doesn't has been decided in a way which is at odds with most of our country's moral pretensions. I think that shame has been one of the great psychological factors driving white attitudes in the US, both racist and anti-racist.

Think about what the "moves to innocence" that the authors delineate would mean if you took their moral position seriously. Those moves to innocence are attempts, I am quite sure, to find a way to act in the world for your own benefit without feeling shame. The indigenous person can ask for the control of the land they occupy without shame; for the settler, even to occupy the land is to make yourself part of a shameful process.

"Decolonization is not a metaphor" treats the desire to express oneself without feeling shame around it as essentially a distraction.

The settler is simultaneously morally obligated to exercise a tremendous amount of power and effort, because how could the non-metaphorical expropriation of all US land and the end of the USA as a functioning state take anything other than a tremendous amount of power and effort, but also to have no thought at all about what the ethical exercise of power from a settler would look like.

It is morally imperative that the settler begin to act and use his power in a moral way and at the same time the very question of how the settler would do so is understood as a frustrating distraction from more important questions.

The only possible response for a person who takes this seriously and conceives of themselves as a settler is to just fall back on an entirely incoherent self-image because the demands being made of them are fundamentally incoherent, to feel a kind of shame without shame.

I have probably over-explained this and yet not quite gotten to the central problem. I really disagree with this paper, and I think it is fundamentally unserious and fundamentally poisonous.

Not because the authors propose a massive reorganization of land but because they are utterly unwilling to think about what that would mean on any level whatsoever.

#politics #discourse #Yes I still am very angry at this stuff #I admire the james baldwin quote I used just to be clear

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liaromancewriter · 7 months

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May I Have This Dance?

Premise: Is there anything more romantic than slow dancing in the kitchen on a do-nothing day?

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff. Words: 1,175

A/N: For narrative purposes, this is set on the same day as Sleeping Beauty. Submission for @choicesprompts Flufftober prompt "Can I have this dance?" I'm also using @choicesflashfics week 54, prompt 1

Ethan Ramsey stared at the announcement for this year’s homecoming dance tacked onto the noticeboard in the hallway. His hands itched to snatch a flyer to peruse later, but he kept them tightly fisted to his sides.

There was a reason he’d ditched the whole thing last year, he reminded himself morosely.

He couldn’t dance and wasn’t about to embarrass himself in front of the entire school. Plus, there was the whole awkwardness of asking a girl out. They tended to travel in packs, and getting one alone long enough to ask her without her friends staring and giggling nearby was as impossible as travel to Mars.

It was a pipe dream, he thought in dismay but unable to unglue his feet. He wasn’t in a position to go, and that was that. Besides, who decided that participating in homecoming dances and proms was a right of passage for high schoolers?

Hollywood, that’s who. Twentysomething actors playing high school students didn’t make it all so. It was a fallacy, as most things in life were.

“Wow, you look fierce. Did you have a fight with someone?”

Ethan glanced sideways at the concerned voice of his neighbor and friend, Miranda Clarke. He inwardly grimaced at being caught boring a hole into the noticeboard.

She’d been the nerdy girl with braces and pigtails all through elementary and middle school. At the start of freshman year, he did a double take when she greeted him at the bus stop, no braces in sight, her blonde hair in a waterfall behind her and a pretty headband sparkling under the sun.

Miranda might look different now, but she was still one of the smartest and nicest people he knew. She also understood what it was like to be abandoned by a parent, or both parents in her case.

“Not a fight,” he said, lowering his voice to avoid being overheard by others, and inadvertently eyed the flyer.

“Ah,” she said, following his gaze. “I didn’t think school dances were your thing.”

“They’re not,” he muttered, feeling the redness splash across his cheeks.

Miranda’s eyes softened in sympathy, and he felt sorry for lying to his friend.

“It’s okay to change your mind, Ethan,” she said, lightly touching his arm. “No one’s going to care if you attend a dance one year and skip it altogether another. This isn’t about what anyone else wants, just you.”

“I know that,” he protested, stopping himself from rolling his eyes. Miranda had a habit of lecturing him when he was being cagey.

He straightened away from the wall and shrugged, adopting an air of indifference. “It’s moot anyway since I can’t dance.”

“Can’t?” Miranda placed a hand on his elbow to stop him as he turned to go. “Or don’t know how?”

Ethan sighed, his lips parting to deliver a well-versed white lie. But this was Miranda, and they’d known each other all their lives. She’d just hound him on the way home until he told her the truth.

“Don’t know how,” he admitted reluctantly. “I can’t exactly ask my dad to teach me, can I? He has enough to worry about.”

“You could ask me,” she suggested.

Ethan watched her warily. “You’d be willing to do that?”

She laughed. “Of course! That’s what friends do.”

Suddenly, her face turned serious, and she stared at a spot behind him, a light red staining her cheekbones. “Maybe after, you could ask me to homecoming? Only if you want to,” she added quickly when he froze like a deer in headlights.

“I would like that,” he said quietly, thinking about it for all of five seconds.

The bell rang for the next period, and he cleared the gruffness in his throat, raising his voice above the noise. “Thanks, Miranda. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, Ethan,” Miranda smiled. “If you’re not working today, we can have the first lesson after school. Around four, your house?”

Dance lessons and a date to homecoming, he marveled as they parted ways to head to class. The year was suddenly looking much brighter.

Twentysomething years later…

“I want to spend the day with you doing nothing. And by nothing, I mean…”

Ethan grinned as Cassie Valentine leaned on the kitchen island and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

It was the first Sunday since his return from Brazil and Cassie’s first official sleepover. There hadn’t been time for that before he left a couple of months ago. But now that they’d decided to give this relationship a real chance, they wanted their private moments to be less stolen and more intentional.

“In case you haven’t noticed, the day is half over,” he said, pretending disinterest as he rinsed a skillet and stacked it in the dishwasher with the rest of the dishes from a late brunch. “If only you’d woken up earlier, we could have had so much fun.”

“Sunday mornings are made for sleeping in,” Cassie’s brows knitted in exasperation. “Especially after the week I had. And I thought intern year was bad.”

“You’ll adjust,” he commented unconcerned, pressing a button to start the dishwasher’s cycle before grabbing a cloth to wipe down the counter.

“What?” he demanded when he looked up to see Cassie watching him with amusement in her eyes.

“Nothing,” she said, coming around the kitchen island to stand before him. She glanced at the wipe cloth in his hand. “I had no idea you were so domesticated, Dr. Ramsey.”

He smirked, caging her in his arms. “I’m a man of many talents, Dr. Valentine.”

The sun was high in the sky, the glare of its rays bouncing off the treated glass. Soft music drifted from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner, casting a magical spell over the kitchen and its occupants and lending an air of romance.

“But can you dance?” Cassie whispered, caressing the nape of his neck with her fingertips.

“What brought this on?” Ethan arched one brow in curiosity.

“Since we’re getting to know each other,” she pulled his head down, “you should know that I love to dance, especially slow dancing in the moonlight.” Her green eyes sparkled, and her lips curved into a soft, dreamy smile. “Or in a sun-dappled kitchen on a lazy Sunday afternoon.”

The music changed to something slow and romantic, and Ethan found his lips hovering above hers, heart pounding with potent anticipation.

“So? Can you?” she murmured.

“Yes.”

Cassie closed the distance between them, gently pressing her lips against his, and he fell into the moment.

“May I have this dance, Cassie?” Ethan asked, sliding his hand into hers.

“I would love to, Ethan.”

He placed one hand on her waist, splayed his fingers and tugged her close. Cassie rested her hand on his shoulder, and he led her into a slow dance, their bodies swaying to the rhythm.

He followed the moves he’d learned all those years ago, dancing in the living room with Miranda. And when Cassie laughed as he dipped her low, Ethan sent a silent thanks to his friend for giving him this.

-------------

All Fics & Edits: @bluebelle08 @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @genevievemd @headoverheelsforramsey @lucy-268 @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @mainstreetreader @peonierose @potionsprefect @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction

Submissions: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Ethan & Cassie only: @cariantha @custaroonie @hopelessromantic1352 @mrs-ramsey @youlookappropriate

#open heart #ethan ramsey #open heart choices #ethan ramsey x mc #choices fanfics #open heart fanfics #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week #ethan ramsey x cassie valentine

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twiceasfrustrating · 7 months

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When You Grow Up

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Relationships: Deuce Spade & Ace Trappola & Epel Felmier Characters: Deuce Spade, Ace Trappola, Epel Felmier Additional Tags: fluff, Aged-up Characters (2 years) Summary: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Especially for Deuce, Ace, and Epel. Word Count: 481

Deuce sat in the grass of the field with a heavy heart and vacant eyes as he stared at the open textbook in front of him. His eyes faced the page but he wasn't processing anything – not the words or pictures. Even with the sun shining brightly from above, he was the picture of a perfectly gloomy apparition.

Ace stared at the sadness carved deep into his friend’s(?) face with a bored scowl, until he couldn’t stand the heavy atmosphere anymore. He stood from where he’d been sitting and stormed over to take Deuce’s book and slam it shut.

“You can stop the moping now,” Ace shouted. “So you didn’t become the housewarden. Who cares?”

Deuce’s expression didn’t cheer up any. In fact, he sighed so heavily that it seemed his spirit would leave his body altogether.

“I tried so hard.”

Ace clicked his tongue as he shook his head. “You were never gonna get it. Your grades suck and you can’t remember any of the rules.”

“You can’t remember them either!”

“But I’m not trying to be a housewarden. Who would do that to themselves?”

“Some of us don’t mind being housewarden,” a third voice said.

Ace and Deuce turned to the owner of the voice. A modestly-sized-but-still-short man with shimmering blue eyes crossed his arms as he stared at them in disappointment. His lilac hair that was tied back in a low ponytail was ornamented with a golden tiara that displayed a sword piercing a heart.

Epel closed his eyes and sighed. “Did you fail again? You look miserable.”

Deuce hung his head.

Ace shrugged. “He cares for some reason. We're third years and he wants to stress himself out more.”

“I wanted to tell my mom some good news.” Deuce pouted.

“Shouldn’t you raise your grades first?” Ace teased.

“Shut up!” Deuce yelled as he stood up and grabbed Ace by the collar.

“Make me!” Ace shouted back as he grabbed Deuce back.

“Boys, boys,” Epel said. “There’s no need to fight; you’re both idiots. It’s part of your charm.”

“Rude,” Ace and Deuce said in unison.

Epel’s words seemed to cut through the tension enough for them to let go of each other though.

“You don’t have to be a housewarden, Deuce.” Epel smiled. “We should just enjoy our third year while we can. I’m sure your mother would be happy if you told her all of your good memories, even if you aren’t the best of the best.”

Deuce’s eyes filled with wonder at Epel’s words.

Epel was right. It didn’t matter if he was the housewarden of Heartslabyul. What mattered was that he made the most of his time attending Night Raven College. He didn’t have long left to make memories with his friends.

Ace, on the other hand, cringed. “It’s weird to hear you being so mature.”

Epel shrugged. “It comes with the tiara.”

#mine #twisted wonderland #twst fanfic #deuce spade #ace trappola #epel felmier #twst fluff #fluff

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after-witch · 2 years

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Hi! just imagine. Darling SOMEHOW gets Feitan's permission to use the phone. and she decides to use it to try to escape, having cheated a little. You know that trick when you call the police and say you want to order pizza? something like that! To be honest, it should be a really inexperienced darling...I don't think it can work at all (Feitan and trust, seriously?) if anything, you can change the idea of the request a little or ignore it altogether, everything is fine!<3

Title: What’s Your Emergency? [Yandere Feitan x Reader]

Synopsis: You’ve been given a mile of trust--which turns out to be your only inch of a chance for escape from Feitan.

Word count: 1783

notes: yandere, kidnapped reader, mentions of past injuries and abuse

The phone in your hands is solid and real and tempting--and terrifying.

At first, when he slapped the device in your open palm, you assumed it was a test. Feitan enjoys his tests. You’ve figured this out the hard way, and phantom aches work their way through your muscles even as you mentally block out the memories of each and every time you learned.

But he insisted.

“Use it,” he said, voice low and lacking any of the usual emotion it had when you were in trouble. That made you feel a little safe, at least. “I put the numbers in. A few options for dinner. Check and see.”

And your thumb pads on the soft buttons, checking the saved contacts to see what appear to be takeout places--and a number that simply says “Feitan.” Pizza, noodles, takeout…

“Oh,” you say, buying yourself time to think on the best response. “Thank you, Feitan.” That comes easily enough, because for all of his nastiness, Feitan insists on your politeness and respect. Towards him, anyway.

“What do you want to order?” That’s what you decide upon, after weighing the potential responses. Feitan likes it when you consider his wants above your own--that is, most of the time, and you’re hoping that today falls within that category of “most.”

And as you’re waiting for him to respond, the thought comes to you. It’s a small thought at first. A little dangerous whisper, like a tempting fairy bell tinkling in your ear. This could be your lifeline to the outside. You couldn’t say anything obvious while Feitan was listening, of course. But someone else could get help to you, if they knew you needed it, right?

You barely hear Feitan’s reply--a hum, and then, “Pizza. Toppings don’t matter. Order what you want.”

You give a little smile, and thank him again. He huffs and turns away, drumming his hands on the table.

His glance back at you is a little sharp, and you feel your stomach start to twist.

“Well? Don’t wait too long.”

“Right!” You say, and you hope your grin isn’t too nervous or too happy or too anything. You’re trying to think. It’s hard to think when you’re focused on not upsetting someone else, especially him.

What was it you heard on the news one time? Someone who called the police, but pretended to order pizza? That might work… all you had to do was pretend to be calling the pizza place Feitan had programmed into the phone. The police would pick up and they would figure out you needed help. Feitan was adept with his torture devices (you’ve seen these, firsthand, and what he does with them) but even he couldn’t fend off the police ready and able to save a poor civilian. Ready and able to save you. Right?

Your hands are shaking a little as you press the buttons now, but you keep smiling, and hope Feitan just views it as you being anxious to communicate with someone new--who isn’t about to die--for the first time in ages. You keep the phone turned towards you, mumbling different topping names to yourself to keep Feitan on track while you dial the emergency number.

You force yourself to stop trembling. Somehow, you force yourself. You exert every bit of control and heat that you have to force your shaking limbs to stop, so that you can pretend like you’re ordering a pizza, and Feitan can sit there and be none the wiser that you’re about to escape the hell he’s created for you.

You press “call.”

The decision is made.

The phone feels warm against your ear and it only takes a few rings before someone answers.

“Hello, emergency services. What is your emergency?”

It’s a man. His voice is low but not entirely unpleasant.

Your mouth is so, so dry. You lick your lips.

“Hello,” you say, and you realize right away that your voice is too high and shaky but you can’t really help it. Feitan might just think you’re nervous about talking to someone on the phone. “I’d like to order a large pizza for um…”

You look back at Feitan. He’s staring right at you now and your insides freeze at his unreadable gaze.

“D-Delivery or pickup?” You ask, holding the phone off to one side, your hand over the speaker.

Feitan shrugs.

“Delivery.”

You nod, and smile, hoping you look grateful for this opportunity to order food on the phone, to talk to a human being, to look forward to a meal that isn’t whatever you can scrounge up with the groceries Feitan tosses your way. And you are grateful… just not for the reasons he may be thinking.

“For delivery,” you repeat.

“Is this a prank call? You’re tying up the line, you know.” The man sounds annoyed, and your mind reels. This happened on the call you saw on the news too, didn’t it? You try to think fast, but your mind has been so attuned to the slow crawl of life under Feitan’s keeping that it’s like trying to kick start a long unused engine.

“No,” you reply, and your hand rests on your thigh so that you can dig your nails into your skin. It grounds you and calms you and you press on. “No, I don’t want the special Tuesday combo.”

You can practically hear the winding gears in the pause between you and the man on the phone.

“Do you need help? Are you in danger and unable to tell me because someone else is there?”

If your mind had a band, it would be playing triumphant trumpets right now. You settle for scratching a sore spot on your upper thigh, a mellowing bruise.

“Yes, that’s right. I’d like a large pizza. What toppings do you offer, please?”

The voice pauses a little again, and there’s no trumpets now, but a little flicker of hope. You can get out of this. Feitan unknowingly threw you the lifeline that will get you out of this. You almost start to feel giddy, but you dig your nails back into your thigh to quell that feeling. If you get giddy, he’ll know something’s up.

“Okay. Please remain calm. I’m alerting the police team to the situation now. Is this person extremely armed and dangerous?”

You wish you could tell this man--this amazing, wonderful, absolutely stellar man who, just like the operator on the news, picked up on your situation right away--about Feitan. You wish you could tell him that he knows how to torture people within an millimeter of their lives and have them begging to be pushed over the edge for hours or days, whatever suits him best.

But you can’t.

“Hmmm,” you say, drawing it out. It has to sound real. But it can’t sound too forced, either. It’s a delicate balance that is already exhausting your energy, which scares you. But you’ll be able to sleep after you’re rescued, at least. Safe and sound and without nightmares.

“Yes. Yes, that sounds good. I’ll just do the meat and veggie special. Oh, but no sausage, please.” Feitan doesn’t like sausage. You glance at him and hope he’s happy that you took that into account. He won’t be so happy as soon as the police arrive.

“Okay,” the man tells you. “I will have several teams respond. They’ll be there as soon as they can. Can you get me the address without arousing suspicion?”

He’s still watching you. He looks bored, which is good. And you mouth the words, whispering just enough that the edges of them catch your ears, “What’s the address, please? So they can deliver.”

He gets up and grabs some dingy, unopened envelope stuck in the formerly charming mail slot nailed next to the coat rack. He tosses it your way and sits back down, staring out the window with his resumed bored expression.

You rattle off the address. You’re getting to close now. So close to rescue and freedom, freedom from all this stress and fear. Freedom from Feitan, most of all.

“You’re doing great,” the voice tells you. “You’re staying so calm. It’s going to be okay.” And whoever this man is, you want to meet him after all this is over. Thank him and maybe hug him. At the very least, you’ll tell him that you owe him your life and possibly your sanity.

“We’ll be there in--We’re sending--I mean, we’re--” The man stumbles over his words, and you have just a moment to register how odd he sounds… when he begins to laugh.

A big, great hearty laugh.

That beautiful spark of life is immediately doused by ice cold fear that slides down your stomach, coating the back of your thighs. There’s a terrible unclenching feeling that makes you almost drop the phone.

“Um,” you say, because you can’t think of anything else. “Sorry, I didn’t hear that, I think the connection is loose.”

“Oh, fuck me,” the man says, and you can easily hear the tears that must be in his eyes from his raucous laughter. “Fei said you were stupid, but I didn’t think he meant this stupid.”

Your body feels numb. If your nails are digging into your thighs, you can’t feel it. All you can feel is dread.

“You’re in for it, I bet.” You imagine he wipes away some of his laughter-induced tears. “Better hand him this phone now, okay?”

And you do. You hold out the phone and Feitan snatches it from your shaking hand. His eyes have lit up with keen intensity and his gaze pins you down better than any bondage.

“They did what I expected?” Feitan asks. His voice isn’t bored and monotone now, but nasty with just a touch of delight in it. You don’t know which scares you more, the idea that he’s furious or happy that you did something so monumentally against his expectations.

Feitan keeps his eyes on you for the entire short conversation. You suppose the man--must have been one of Feitan’s companions--is telling him exactly what you did. Though you guess Feitan knew you’d try something like that all along.

You hope the man talks his ear off. You hope they start reminiscing about whatever horrible things they do together and Feitan forgets about you sitting here and then it will be bedtime and you can go to sleep and beg forgiveness in the morning. You hope all that, but you know it won’t come true.

When he’s finished, Feitan sets the phone down and leans forward, placing his chin on his open palm.

“That was bad,” he says. There’s mirth in his voice that scares you more than the sharp tools he keeps in the basement. “Very bad.”

It was a test. It was a test, after all, and you failed.

#yandere feitan #yandere hunter x hunter #feitan x reader #yandere feitan porter #afterwitch writes

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faiiryteethh · 6 months

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ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞

like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."

idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.

i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.

i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.

i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.

i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.

pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢

i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.

i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.

#kh

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oftlunarialmoon · 2 months

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3 Ways to Prevent or Ease Out of a Panic Attack - REAL TALK

Originally posted to www.onlyfunthings.org on March 19, 2018

Ciao lovelies! Today’s post is mental health centered- 3 Ways to prevent/ease out of a panic attack.

DISCLAIMER- I am not a mental health professional. These tips come from my own personal experiences with anxiety and panic attacks. If you have frequent panic/anxiety attacks, please seek help from a mental health professional.

That being said, let’s get into the tips.

#1- Stimming!

I find stim items to be especially helpful in avoiding/getting out of a panic attack. If I can distract myself with a stim item, I can sometimes stop from panicking altogether. Some of my favorite stimming items for this purpose are:

- Slime. I find that watching the slime slowly moving around in my hand or stretching the slime is relaxing. Plus the coldness of the slime on my hands helps perk me up and out of bad head spaces.

- Squishies. Sometimes you just really need to squeeze something to stabilize yourself or just to get out anger or anxiety. Squishes are great for that, plus they’re trendy right now so you can find them just about everywhere.

- Chewing Necklace/jewelry. I used to bite my nails a lot when I was stressed out, but that’s not good for your health or nails. Plus I used to bite down to the painful nerves when I was having panic attacks, which led to pain and discomfort. Chewing jewelry is more accessible now than ever before, and is great for stopping self-harm and nail biting due to anxiety. You can find chewable jewelry here, https://www.stimtastic.co/stim-jewelry/?category=Chewy+Jewelry

For those unaware of what stimming is, please check THIS post. For more about my fave stim items, check THIS post.

#2- Grounding Exercises

When I have panic attacks, sometimes my main problem is my brain just stops being aware of where and when it is. One of the main ways to fix this is by using simple grounding techniques. Grounding is when you realign your brain back to reality. Some good grounding exercises are:

- Have someone remind you (or remind yourself, if you’re able) WHERE you are, what year is it (WHEN), and WHO you are.

- Pick something around you and describe it. Describe how it looks, smells, feels, and, if it’s safe, like food, how it tastes.

- Run your hands under cold water to snap yourself back to reality.

#3- Distraction

The last way that I keep myself from having a panic attack is to distract myself. Often it’s with stim toys, as mentioned before, but sometimes I simply watch videos on youtube that are calming and gentle.

Some good YouTube Channels for distracting from a panic attack are:

RRCherryPie

MosoGourmet

MyFroggyStuff

TroomTroom

Remember to Stay Awesome and Love Yourself!

#agere class #agere classroom #agere daycare #agere school #agere #age regression #sfw agere #sfw littlespace #age regressor #sfw age regression #agereg #age dreaming #sfw little blog #agere blog #Ciao lovelies #agere learning

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park-jimin-isnt-real · 1 year

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𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭

♡ pairing: namjoon x reader (soulmates) ♡ rating: G ♡ genre: fluff ♡ au: coffee shop ♡ tw: n/a ♡ wc: ~1.0k ♡ track: Love Maze ~ BTS: “Let them be them, let us be us. Love is a maze, damn, but you is amaze.”

♡ summary: You had waited years to find your soulmate, and the universe gave you the perfect one.

♡ an: this one goes out to @mintsugarmy! here's your green namjoon, love. i really liked writing this one. enjoy!! 14 Valen-tans Days masterlist ♡♡ main masterlist

There was no better feeling in the world than finding your soulmate. To find that hand that fit perfectly in yours in a way that instantly filled you with warmth and butterflies and made something inside you just click into place... it was all you wanted.

Finding your soulmate was based on such a small thing, too: hand-holding. The older you got, the more emotionally mature you became, the easier it was to tell if you had found your soulmate. Little children were so full of joy and unrelenting feelings (not to mention they were so playful) that holding hands with someone didn't result in that kind of found connection. Teenagers who were hopelessly romantic would either try to hold hands with everyone they came in contact with or avoid it altogether in an attempt to wait and make sure the first hand they held would be their one and only.

You fell more into the first category than the second as a teenager. You let your hands brush up against others as you walked past them in the hall at school or down the sidewalk, hoping to feel that tingle your parents had described to you. Eventually, as you graduated and entered university, you became a bit more careful and restrained, but that didn't stop your heart from dreaming. You wanted that accidental meet-cute so badly. There were countless scenarios you imagined yourself in.

Maybe you would trip going down the staircase and a fast hand would reach out to catch yours and keep you from falling. You could bump into someone on the street and drop whatever you were carrying, then you both reach to pick up the same thing. You would even take going to the club and being asked to dance by a random stranger only to discover that they were your soulmate.

Your roommate often disregarded your daydreams. She had given up on the whole soulmate concept. Apparently, she had fallen in love with a boy when she was in high school, but she was so worried that he wouldn't be her soulmate that even though they dated she never held his hand. He'd had enough one day and touched her hand, and when they both didn't feel that rush, he broke up with her on the spot. You felt bad for her but tried not to let her story get you down.

You hurried to the local cafe on campus for your usual pre-art class drink, your paint-stained clothes currently hidden beneath a large green sweater. You painted celestial things, the stars and constellations and planets that didn't exist, things that cosmic energy practically radiated out of. You only hoped your soulmate would like the stars as much as you did. You wanted your first date to be stargazing.

The cafe was nearly empty when you walked in. "Iced mocha frappucino, triple shot, please," you told the barista. You paid the worker and then stepped off to the side to wait for the drink. You heard the bell above the door tinkle as another person walked in, but you didn't look up. You were looking through pictures on your phone, searching for inspiration for your next project. You became so engrossed in your search that you nearly missed your order being called. Without looking up, you made your way back to the counter and reached out to take it.

Something warm surrounded your hand, instead of your hand circling around the cup. Your heart nearly stopped as you looked up and saw another hand holding yours, also reaching for your coffee. Usually, you would have been upset that this stranger was trying to steal your drink, but not this time.

This time, your whole body tingled and filled with the most comfortable warmth. You took a breath and it was as if this was the first time you had ever properly breathed. Something inside you went click and you felt complete. You looked up to see the face this hand belonged to.

He was already looking at you, with a wide smile that showed off his dimples. His brown eyes sparkled like the stars you loved, as they took you in, and you easily smiled in return. "I'm Namjoon," was all he said to you, his voice deep and gentle and soothing. You could listen to him forever and it wouldn't be enough.

"Y/N," you responded, amazement and awe filling your voice. "Is this your drink?"

Before he could answer, the barista set a second coffee down on the counter, right next to the first. "Here you are, sir, iced mocha frappucino, triple shot."

Namjoon let out a small laugh. "You have good taste in coffee," he said as he used his free hand to pick up his cup. "Are you busy?" The hope in his voice was undisguised. Maybe he had been waiting just as much as you had been to find your soulmate.

Oh. Your soulmate. This gentle giant was your soulmate. The universe had chosen well for you, and you knew your next art project was going to be painting this man as the angel the cosmos had so clearly created him to be.

You moved the hand he held just slightly to entwine your fingers together. "I've got to get to class, but I'm free tonight?"

"Can I walk you?" You nodded enthusiastically. Namjoon offered to carry your bag for you so you could keep holding hands and carry your coffee. The walk wasn't too long, but you talked about the classes you were both taking and what books he liked to read and what you liked to paint.

When Namjoon dropped you off at class, you didn't want to let his hand go, but you knew this wouldn't be the end. He gave you his number, then asked the question you had always been dreaming of with that same wide, dimpled smile from earlier.

"Would you like to go stargazing with me?"

tagging: @daydreamer-writing

thanks for reading!!

#bts #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts writing #bts fluff #namjoon x reader #namjoon drabble #soulmates #namjoon fluff #14 valen tans days #bts valentines event #writing event #monfics

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ghostradiodylan · 4 months

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Which Hacketteers do you think are pro Christmas music and who do you think is totally against it?

Okay this is a great question and such a hard one for me because I’m kind of ambivalent about Christmas music myself! I like it fine for a couple of days beforehand but when it starts playing in stores right after Halloween? I’m still in spooky mode, stop trying to make me be merry for the sake of capitalism! 😂

Also given the setting of New York state, I wonder if any of them come from Jewish or otherwise non-Christian families. Idk who’s most likely to fit into that category but it’s a consideration. Christmas culture infects everyone though lol.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

I feel like Jacob is a literal child so he probably gets super excited about everything Christmas and is like helping his parents put up elaborate light displays and buying Christmas themed snacks and stuff, so he’s probably listening to Christmas music the day after Halloween and I feel like Emma might be similar. Emma might come Christmas caroling at your house because she loves performing so much! Emma doesn’t mind a pop cover or a bit of Mariah Carey at all.

Kaitlyn might be a total Grinch if left to her own devices but she can’t help indulging Jacob a little. She doesn’t mind Christmas music in the context of Christmas movies but she probably wouldn’t listen to it on purpose just for fun. She has a secret soft spot for the soundtrack to The Muppet Christmas Carol.

I feel like the holidays might be complicated for Ryan. We don’t know why his mom isn’t around, though I obviously have my headcanons for fiction, but that might make it a little bit of a tough time for him. At the same time, he seems really invested in his sister so he probably wants to make Christmas special for her. He lives with his grandparents, so maybe they’re listening to the more classic, old school Christmas music and jazz covers and he’s probably fine with that.

Dylan I think could go either way, either he’s rolling his eyes about it altogether or he’s making massive playlists of indie and alt rock covers and then throwing in annoying goofy songs like “Dominick the Donkey” and “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” I think he probably does not want to hear Christmas music prior to Thanksgiving. But maybe I’m just projecting as I often do.

Abi’s watching The Nightmare Before Christmas on repeat to match her Hot Topic aesthetic. 😂 She likes that original soundtrack and the various artist cover versions and “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” by Fall Out Boy. But when it’s actually the week of Christmas she gives in and gets into the regular cheery stuff.

I wonder how long Nick has been in the US because I always think it has to be so weird for Australians to have all this wintery themed Christmas music when it’s summer in their hemisphere at Christmas time! Maybe he gets really into it because it’s so different from what he’s used to. Or maybe he gets cranky and misses the summer and listens to Tim Minchin’s “White Wine in the Sun” to remember warmer holidays. Could go either way.

Maybe it’s his 50’s fit talking, but I imagine Max being into the old crooner type Christmas music, Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra and more recently stuff like Michael Bublé that’s copying that style. I feel like he starts terribly serenading Laura with that music in early November.

I feel like Laura might not get super into Christmas until school is out because she’s so driven, so maybe she pushes all that out of her mind until then, except when Max is badly crooning “White Christmas” in the shower. But then again, I also headcanoned her as a choir kid in high school so she probably had concerts to practice for too that made her get into the spirit earlier than she really wanted.

Thanks for the asks today y’all! I think my brain is tapped out but I will be meditating on some I can send back! 💜💜💜

#the quarry #merry quarrymas #jacob custos #emma mountebank #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #kaitlyn ka #abi blyg #nick furcillo #max brinly #laura kearney #beautiful asks from beautiful people #thank you kat 💜

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redditreceipts · 5 months

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You have no idea how grateful i am for your blog. Its eye opening and i no longer feel like a hysterical bitch for worrying about what some trans movements (and im talking about those that want to police cis womens bodies too, not only theirs) was doing to feminism for past years.

Don't get me wrong... i think its fine when they do what makes them happy as long as they dont hurt other people. But more and more it feels like trans women want to dominate female spaces. And honestly, no matter how hard i try, i cant stop thinking thats its just male need to be always in the centre of attention. They come to us and instead of finding companionship and trying to fit in... they bring they own idea what a "woman" is and try to force it on every woman. Ones they dont agree with them they dubbed terfs and think that end of discussion. Another example of male entitlement if you ask me.

Im tired of bending backwards to appease them and once again ignoring womens issues as not to hurt trans womens feelings. Shouldn't they too be more empathetic towards cis women? Shouldn't they feel camaraderie with us? I'm yet to find trans woman who fights for feminist issues that dont concern her (i.e reproductive rights applicable only to bio women) with such ferocity cis women who are TRA fight for her right to be called a "woman". I'd want to be proven otherwise but more and more it seems like we're being talked over by men and male socialised people.

Sorry this came out long and probably makes no sense, but i feel like such a failure as a queer person to think like that. Maybe i am. But as a woman im tired of being silenced all over again. Now by the very people that claim sisterhood to me. But it feels like I'm the only one expected to hold my part of the bargain, they are exempt for some mysterious reasons. It's exhausting, I'm exhausted and honestly losing hope that my problems as a biological woman will ever be taken seriously.

Hey :)

I feel you in how difficult it can be to not feel like you have any people who see the same things you do. I also felt alone for so long because I had this nagging feeling about certain things, but most of the people I could find who were worried about the trans movement were conservative.

And I also get what it feels like to force yourself into cognitive dissonance. It’s hard to try and convince yourself of things that are so blatantly untrue, and in the end, it doesn’t work. at least not if you’re a same-sex attracted woman who is a lot in LGBT spaces and can’t just “ignore” these things.

And I guess that there are some trans women who genuinely care about women’s issues, the thing is that they are not heard or uplifted because at some point they have to admit that women and trans women are different categories, and the trans activists can’t have that. So every discussion can not be about material issues, but it has to be about the use of language and pseudo-philosophical debates. Because if you look at material reality, you notice that cis women and trans women are not just different types of women, but different sexes altogether (even though trans women sometimes live their lives as though they were female and experience discrimination because of that as well).

But most male-to-female trans activists are displaying such apparently male behaviour (sexualisation of women, talking over women, not taking women seriously, etc.) that you’d ask yourself why they don’t get dysphoria from that? I mean if I were a male who wanted to be a female, I’d at least try to appear female in some capacity lmao. I sometimes ask myself whether these people actually feel gender dysphoria or whether they have some other mental health problem that has nothing to do with being transgender.

But you’re not a failure as a queer person. Actually, I don’t think it’s productive to use that term because being “queer” is some nebulous concept whose creation had only the goal to confuse and obscure the “oppression” of biological sex and material reality. Even a kinky straight guy is queer, a straight woman who gets off on reading Yaoi is queer, and by a strict application of the term “queer” as “people who don’t conform to cultural norms around gender and/or sexuality”, even paedophiles are queer. That’s not to say that trans activists use it that way, but the definition leaves space for all kinds of unethical paraphilias. Being queer is not an oppressed class. What is an oppressed class is being a woman, being same-sex attracted, being gender non-conforming, etc.

You don’t owe the “queer community” anything. You owe it to people who suffer under systems of oppression like racism, capitalism, homophobia etc. to advocate for their rights and treat them as equals. You don’t owe it to some straight guy who watched too much lesbian porn to advocate for his rights. Literally nobody is oppressing him.

I actually think that at some point, women will realise their shared interests and stand up for themselves. My only fear is that to come to that point, we will go through some sort of conservative “Dark Ages”, but maybe we can do something to prevent that by showing a third way to analyse gender on the basis of material reality. It’s cool that you’re interested in that as well :)

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accio-victuuri · 1 year

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I hope people can enjoy Weibo Night for what it is — a chance to see your bias all dressed up and pretty. Watch the red carpet. Appreciate all these beautiful people gathered in one room. It’s really not the time to sulk if your bias does not win what you want them to because the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Sina Weibo does not have the artist’s best interest in mind — never did. fans should stop thinking that it’s a fair platform or they are afraid of fans. they are not. and if a certain group of people are not happy, what are they gonna do? boycott weibo? lol. where are they gonna go? there is no other platform like weibo. So take it easy. Attendees will all win something, don’t think too much about it.

tbh, if they really did care about CAC guidelines they should have removed fan voting altogether. they know it encourages fan wars — which they love by the way.

the voting is really just a portion of what will make up the final decision. it is under the category of “user recommendation” and the rest of the points will depend on ( for king and queen ) : expert review and Weibo Broad data and other processes are used for comprehensive selection, objectively reflecting the comprehensive popularity of stars. The influence of works and the role model of positive energy for public welfare. Data from January 1, 2022 - February 28, 2023. I think they purposely did not include the percentage for each parameter so they won’t be criticized if the final results are different.

I wanna see XZ & WYB. That’s all. 🤍

#personal #but i’m still voting hahahahahaha because im on the platform most of the time anyway #i hope wyb will have two styles like before! one playful one for the red carpet and one government approved (lol) for the actual event #but let’s be honest we are all waiting for what dilraba will wear 😍😍😍

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mariacallous · 2 months

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NEW YORK — Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman announced Thursday that transgender athletes are no longer allowed to compete in sports aligned with their gender identity at county-run facilities.

Blakeman, a Republican, said the executive order prohibits organizations with trans athletes in their teams “from playing at any of our 100 county facilities.”

The order is the first of its kind enacted by a local government, according to Blakeman, who announced it Thursday morning at a ceremony in Mineola.

According to the order, which did not have to pass the legislature and took effect immediately, “any sports, leagues, organizations, teams, programs, or sports entities” must assign athletes to one of three categories based on their gender assigned at birth when applying for a permit to use Nassau County Parks property.

The categories are “males, men, or boys,” “females, women, or girls” or “coed or mixed, including both males and females,” which excludes transgender athletes.

The ban appears to be a blatant violation of New York State anti-bias laws, which bar discrimination from public accommodations on the basis of “gender identity or expression.”

Attorney General Letitia James said her office is “reviewing (its) legal options,” calling the order “transphobic and deeply dangerous.”

“My office is charged with enforcing and upholding (anti-discrimination) laws, and we stand up to those who violate them and trespass on the rights of marginalized communities,” she said.

Blakeman’s announcement was also slammed by LGBTQ and legal rights advocates who vowed to fight back against the county executive’s “illegal” and “cynical” executive order.

“We will consider all options to stop it,” Bobby Hodgson, director of LGBTQ rights litigation with the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU), told The News in an email.

The order is just an “attempt to shut trans people out of public spaces,” Hodgson said. “Requiring girls who are trans to compete on boys’ teams effectively bars them from sports altogether,” he added.

Dr. David Kilmnick, president and founder of the New York LGBT Network, a family of nonprofits serving the LGBTQ community of Long Island and Queens, said the “discriminatory move not only undermines the principles of inclusivity and fairness but also perpetuates harmful stereotypes and exclusion.”

Additionally, the order is “fundamentally flawed,” he said, noting New York state law “explicitly protects the rights of transgender individuals, ensuring their equal participation in all aspects of life, including sports.”

On Thursday, when signing his fifth executive order since taking office in January 2022, Blakeman maintained the order was not discriminatory, but simply a matter of fairness.

“It is an unfair advantage for (a trans girl or woman) to compete against (a cisgender girl or woman), he said in a speech filled with terms widely considered offensive to trans people, while surrounded by elementary school students holding pink signs that read “Protect women’s sports.”

“I view it as a form of bullying and it will not be tolerated,” he added.

Assemblywoman Gina Sillitti, a Democrat who represents parts of Nassau County, said Blakeman was not issuing the order to protect anyone, but instead to “grab headlines” that could lead to a “culture of hate towards transgender children.”

“Directing vitriol toward children should not and can never be tolerated,” she said in a statement to The News.

Nassau County Legislature’s Democratic Minority Leader Delia DeRiggi-Whitton criticized the county executive for “legislating little leagues” with the order.

Instead of giving Nassau County residents “falsely promised tax cuts and a fairer property assessment system,” Blakeman has instead been more interested in “self-promotion by spending public money on private golf outings, swanky galas, and unrelated press conferences” — such as the one announcing today’s transgender sports ban, “which has nothing to do with his responsibilities.”

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