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seraphdreams · 3 months

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SMILE, YOU'RE ON CAMERA. | YUUTA OKKOTSU.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 — synopsis. when taking care of your university finances proves troublesome, the universe grants you your very own savior. but it’s gonna cost you.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 — cw. smut, college au!yuuta / bimbo reader (obvi), filming, lots of porn references… a lot, virginity loss, praise, oral n fingering, slight obsession, pussydrunk yuuta, unprotected love making, yuuta’s rich and unsettling. mdni <3

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 — word count. 5.3k

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 — dolled up! omg, yuuta? i meant to have this out a few weeks ago but got caught in a little writing slump :( nevertheless, here’s to a new year and a new fic! yuuta’s been slowly creeping his way up my favs list , tehe !! as always, please reblog / comment if you enjoyed this , it’ll fill me with joy. thank u ♡

you’re a pornstar.

albeit, an amateur one with heaps to learn regarding the ruthless industry, but the weight still stands.

the details in which you came to the jarring conclusion were muddled with the convoluted steps that it took for you to get there, murky in your bubblegum-filled mind. all you knew was that yuuta okkotsu was a force, a gentle one, to be reckoned with.

it must’ve played out once you returned to your campus dorm beyond the dusk of midnight, under an unmitigating fatigue from the twelve hour waitressing shift just prior. through abhorrent patrons and the lack of a spendable paycheck, the excruciatingly long night barely made you enough money to even think about buying those dollish pumps you’ve been yearning for. how cruel.

in between working and haphazardly handing your earnings over to university fees and textbooks, you just couldn’t seem to make ends meet.

you would curse the day you took it upon yourself to branch away financially from your parents under the guise of growing up, since now it’d be a blessing to have even a cellphone bill paid off. whatever the issue seemed to be, lady luck was truly never bothered enough to be on your side.

fortunately for you, though, it was that same arduous night, you had been huddled against your stuffed animals in bed, mindlessly scrolling through the various social media apps on your phone; switching from sites like instagram and twitter to youtube then right back to instagram all over again, only to be met with an offer dusted in pink glitter that caught your eye as if it were made for you.

“stars needed — will pay upfront.”

it was a shoddy story post, one that could be clicked past and forgotten forever — yet, a brisk reminder of your situation in the form of borrowed, used textbooks with pages missing or vandalized, and today’s horoscope that said to take risks; you did exactly that, aiming a swipe up that would ultimately rid you of the worries of yesterday.

there were no reasons as to why you couldn’t be a star. certainly, you had the face for it, and you were told by multiple charmers that you were beyond beguiling to get anything you could ever ask for. what dismay could possibly unfold from contacting .. yuuta okkotsu .. about his offer?

hm, that’s funny. the name rang familiarity as it seeded in your mind.

must be one of yuuji’s friends.

itadori yuuji, your best friend of three years now. out of all the time you’d spent together, you came to realize that he could get along with anyone, despite their true intentions. he spoke highly of his friends as well, which earned him a sacred spot in your heart that couldn’t be replaced by anyone.

itadori had briefly mentioned in a ramen-fueled frenzy that one of his peers were “so insanely talented” and that you’d definitely get on with him. but when you asked for validity on that vague claim, all yuuji seemed to respond with was a mere “just meet him, you’ll see.”

from your recollection, the acquaintance he was boasting about, as if it was his own personal victory, was none other than your yuuta okkotsu. he was meek, stuck to a close-knit friend group consisting of maki and toge from your physics class, and the one time you ever spoke to him was to ask about yuuji’s whereabouts, to which he responded that he went back to his dorm after gojo-sensei’s lecture.

he seemed, normal. average, even. that surely had to be the case since your memory was hazy on his being otherwise.

it was true, though, yuuta was gifted. in a way that transcended words, skillful towards visual aesthetics, and careful with the craft. he would spend most of his freetime fumbling with a camera or recording the works of the mundane. overtly, he’d grown such a strong passion in the field of videography in hopes to capture the reality of humanity, the authenticity within intimacy — what could he possibly need a “star” for?

shadiness aside, you were in a tough spot, willing to do whatever to free yourself from the financial burden that was jujutsu technical university. with a swift swipe in tandem with the soft tapping of the pads of your thumbs on the keyboard, you were taking yuuta up on his offer.

within seconds, he responded back with his address and an appropriate meet-up date to start the project.

if only you were aware of how drastically your life would change from here on out.

a cluster of days had passed since you last got into contact with yuuta. he had told you to meet him at his place, claiming it would be more efficient than traveling to an unnamed destination with pounds of heavy photography equipment.

where you stood currently, was in front of the bare oak of his front door, hand wrapped in a loose fist as you knocked gently on the wood. a quick moment had passed by before you took initiative to raise your fist and knock once more. before your touch could meet the wood, a muffled “coming!” chimed beyond the door. from what you had heard on the other side; the scuttling behind the door and jingle of the lock, yuuta had opened the door soon after.

with his hand rubbing away the goosebumps that stood at the back of his neck, he beamed. cordially, warmly.

“you’re actually here. hi,”

upon first glance, yuuta had a distinct look. he stood tall, not tall enough to matter or incite intimidation, and although he wore a black button-up (a bit formal for an occasion as casual as today), his lean build shone through under the thin fabric, ripples of veins dancing up his forearms. what you couldn’t miss, however, were the grey eyebags under his emotionless navy orbs, as if he’d forgone weeks of sleep.

yuuta okkotsu was unsettling.

“hi,” your voice sounded as a sweet croon, dulcet enough that you could barely hear it yourself as it escaped in a breathy breeze. his smile grew softer in response, that monotonous gaze in his eyes fizzling away into something of serenity. “come in, please,” yuuta held the door open wider for you to tread past, caught up in observing the bunch of fabric that hugged tightly around your ass, then closed it gently behind you once you stepped completely inside. he silently cursed at himself for ogling — he truly didn’t mean to stare. you’re just a lot prettier up close. “i was just getting set up. you can have a seat if you’d like.”

as you’d expect from any guy your age, his place wasn’t much to gaze at, nor did it have much personality. in a corner to your right was a houseplant, that of the fern variety, and a few steps deeper into the abode was the living room, where yuuta resumed his fumbling with the transfiguration of his tripod.

you decided to sit on the couch across from him, taking in the bleak sight of his home. you would have almost believed it was unlived in had it not been for the scattered midterm review papers decorating his coffee table. it was obvious he had money from the endless rows of space that surrounded the two of you, although a candle or something would be nice.

he peered away from his tripod to look through the viewfinder of his camera, ensuring that the lens was functioning properly. he grew pleased to see the image of you distracted in fiddling with your thumbs reflected back at him. “are you nervous?” his gaze fell upon you through his own eyes, a concerned expression harboring his features.

you were pulled out of your muse of unfamiliarity to direct your attention to the sound of his mild voice, returning a smile to his that eased the worriment trapped behind dull, blue eyes. “n-not really, i don’t think.”

his lips curled up once more at that, in fact there wasn’t a time so far that you hadn’t noticed him without his signature smile. “here, let me help with that,” reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone, tapping away at the screen before ultimately turning it back off and settling it back into its place in his pocket.

your phone vibrated beside you, screen lighting up with a bold alert.

[YUUTA OKKOTSU SENT $1000]

before you had a chance to even process the significance of the notification, he started back up,

“i hope i got the right information, wouldn’t want your hard work to get in the wrong hands.” the tilt of his head in tandem with a chuckle resonated sheepishly, and he returned to watch you through his camera lens.

he was right. the money did soothe your nerves.

“i’ve barely done anything yet.” a ditzy giggle followed soon after your sentence, a sound that yuuta couldn’t possibly ignore. you were already starting to pull at his heartstrings.

“and you’ve done it so perfectly,” his praise left you flustered in that moment and you bit down softly on your lower lip to keep your smile at bay. “thank you, yuuta.”

you would’ve never guessed that your introverted classmate had enough experience in him to be such a flirt, or have your cheeks heating up with fervid affection, no less. but maybe yuuta was just like that; maybe this had been natural.

“no, thank you.” his thumb hovered over the record button just as his eyes met your gaze over the brim of the camera. “would you like to start now?”

he took the nod of your head as confirmation to press the record button, finally getting started with the project.

you blinked blankly at him as he tilted his head and flashed a warmhearted grin. “how old are you?” was his first question. he had asked while rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. as he did so, you took notice of the silver ring donned around his finger.

he couldn’t have been married, no?

keeping your answer as vague as possible for the sake of matching his comforting warmth, you responded, “twenty-something.” he let out a satisfied huff of air as he nodded and moved onto his next query.

“and what’s your major?”

with the question barely having enough time to linger in the suggestively tense air, he added, “you’re very beautiful, by the way. do you mind taking your dress off for me?”

as much as it should’ve alarmed you, you were swayed by his toothachingly inviting timbre, its gentleness pulling compliancy from you in a matter of a few mere words. you only shook your head, forgoing the short piece of fabric that clung to each curve and dip of your body while your nipples hardened under the glacial, artificial breeze of his home. once the silk pooled at your hips, that, along with your panties were dropped onto the floor, leaving you bare and vulnerable under the camera — and yuuta’s watchful eye.

he swallowed thickly at the sight, remaining as respectful as he could despite the monster growing in his pants; his eyes locked right back onto yours as if he’d get striked down for moving them even a millimeter south. “are you a virgin?” he queried, opting to move his hand from awkwardly at his side to fidgeting with the button at his shirt, ultimately undoing it and revealing another inch of skin at his heated chest.

from the nature of what you had signed yourself up for, you were hesitant to answer his question. of course you needed experience to be a star, and with you lacking the preconceived ability, you could kiss your $1000 goodbye..

yet he looked at you with an expectant gaze. no traces of malice in his eyes or frustration from your quick witted silence, but merely, with patience. and in that moment you couldn’t find it within yourself to lie.

“i am,” out of shame, you curled in on yourself, hoping that the sofa would engulf you, and your feelings, crossing your arms over your bare chest as if it’d create a wall of privacy behind your own humiliation. “is that okay?”

yuuta’s being only grew warmer at the response, you figured he’d be hot to the touch by now, from searing pleasure or unshakeable cordiality, you wouldn’t know. “yeah, that’s okay,” it came out breathier than he would’ve liked, a telltale sign of his aching desire. “that’s more than okay.”

truth be told, he had never met anyone as enchanting as you. you looked up at him with such trust in your eyes that it daunted him — fear that the assurance he wielded from you would shatter beneath him, and he’d be drowning. in a sea of his own wistfulness. now that he had you, he couldn’t let you go.

you were on to make a breathtaking star.

now feeling less coy than before, you relaxed your head into the palm of yuuta’s hand. you hadn’t noticed how long he’d been stroking at your cheek, or when he closed the vexing proximity between the two of you, all that mattered in that moment was the roll of his gentle vocables flowing through your ears and the thumb of his that graciously caressed your cheek.

you came to realize that he was much more handsome this way as your eyes toured his own, then down to the sliver of sweat-sheened skin peeking from underneath the black veil of his shirt, then down to his…

he’s so fucking hard.

confined against his slacks was his cock that leaked an ample amount even while it was untouched. you could make out its silhouette, something girthy, perhaps heavy, but nothing like you’d expect from yuuta. uncharacteristically huge.

“yuuta.” you whispered, mainly to yourself, as your mouth began to water at the sight, and his cheeks dusted pink once he realized what you were fixated upon.

“do you wanna,” he started up but faltered soon after when your lidded gaze flitted back up towards his. never had he felt so weak before, it was as if you’d casted a spell on him. “do you maybe want to—” he paused to avert his own gaze and embarrassment. “—put it in your mouth?”

he could’ve sworn he heard the increase of his heartbeat in his ears when you crinkled your brows, pretty face forming into an even prettier pout.

“but i’ve never—”

he stopped you before you could start, interjecting his own voice of reassurance.

“it’s okay. i’ll guide you,” taking his camera off its stand and moving the rest of the configuration elsewhere, he held it in one hand to better capture the scene unfolding before him. “just try your best for me, okay?”

“okay.” when he returned your concern with a small smile, you took it upon yourself to undo the arrangement of his pants, carefully hooking your finger into the elastic waistband of his briefs and pulling down just enough for his length to spring free.

for what felt like minutes, you marveled at his sheer size, wondering how anyone of his nature could possibly be hiding something like that. it curved upwards with a prominent vein or two running up the underside while it continued to leak, so much so, that you had to collect it all at the tip with your finger.

the tip? flushed the prettiest pink you’d ever witnessed and was as bulbous as it was mushroomed, you knew you’d have a bit of difficulty trying to fit into your mouth. it seemed to twitch under the fanning of your breath to which yuuta let out a whine of pure impatience.

“can i..?” your words trailed off when you involuntarily found yourself pressing chaste kisses along the length of his cock until they met with his sticky tip; a recreated scene from the various porn videos you’d seen. the sensation sent a jolt of palpable pleasure through his being, yuuta’s dark hair curtaining over his eyes while he made a damn good attempt at silencing his moans, with his teeth sunken into his bottom lip.

your eyes kept watch at his wavering expression while you wrapped your hand at the base of his length and began to pump slowly, yet another thing you had learned through the fascinating world of porn.

“suck it,” it was clear to you that yuuta had grown desirously impatient from your teasing, looking down at you with a hint of hunger in his beautiful orbs. “please?”

you took his words as an incentive to finally give him what he’s been leaking for, wrapping gloss-sheened lips around the thick inches of his tip, accommodating for the stretch with a dulcet whine that reverberated deeply within him. had you not been caught up in building the gradual bob of your head, he would’ve kissed you, left you with smeared lips and a tongue that ached for only him upon seeing the sinful sight of innocent eyes fixated on his own. you’re beautiful. truly, to die for.

caught all on tape to be watched over and over again.

at the bliss, yuuta’s lip parted open, alotting for a slur of groans turned whimpers to tumble past. “you- you’re already doing, so good.” he praises, the words floating on his breath. his free hand finds itself back at your face, thumbing the warmth of your hallowed cheek while he captured the moment behind his lens. once you came to a comfortable rhythm, you couldn’t stop yourself from dipping your fingers between your thighs to ease the evergrowing ache in your core. in fact, you’d been like this since the moment yuuta spoke a word to you, lightheaded and malleable — what he’s beginning to love most about you.

your digits collected slick at your entrance, the immeasurable amount of essence that you’d pool providing ample leeway for you to sink three fingers inside, pumping at the same rhythm in which you’re sucking yuuta. soft fingertips curling against your gummy walls weren’t enough, though, and when he had caught notice of your weakening resolve, his hips involuntarily bucked into your mouth.

“sorry, ‘m sorry,” he began, with a choked moan. “just- so close, so fucking close. c-can you take me in deeper?”

the hum of assurance that sounded from you sent vibrations coursing through his cock, from tip to base. had you not been preoccupied with chasing your own high, you would’ve missed the pitchy moan he let out just after. with your palm now pressed up against your clit while you worked in tandem to pleasure the nub and your greedy hole, you attempted to swallow another stubborn inch of him.

simultaneous with the bobbing of your head, he matched your pace, abdomen flexing when the white-hot pleasure became too much and he could feel it in his ears. he wanted so badly to throw his head back, completely lose himself in bliss, but he had a job to do. he wouldn’t dare let the sight of your glassy lidded eyes and glossy lips struggling to wrap themselves around the stretch of his dick go unfilmed, unseen.

as his tip continued to prod the back of your throat and your fingers aided you in relieving the discomfort from your cunt, you found yourself just dangling off the dangerous edge of your release, strokes away from making a mess — and yuuta did too.

it wasn’t long until his head started spinning, legs got weaker, and his core coiled tighter; all the signs of a mindblowing orgasm, and blew his mind, you did. “baby- y/n, if you keep doing that- i might cum.” what he was referring to was the way you fondled his balls in the warmth of your soft hands, yet another trick you had learned from porn. “i don’t wanna cum in your mouth but if you—,”

a jumbled slew of curses flowed from his lips as he did the inevitable, shot his load deep down your throat, gently thrusting his cock in shallow strokes to jettison every last remaining drop. the taste on your tongue was nothing like you’d be warned of before. yuuta wasn’t bitter, he went down easy.

hell, you’d use his cum as a condiment for desserts if you could.

in a matter of moments, your own high had washed over you like cold water over a heated body, much needed and refreshing. once he hesitantly pulled out from the heat of your mouth, cock still hard and twitching for more, he gently pushed back strands of loose hair behind your ear.

“can i see?”

you held out your cream-slickened fingers, sopping with your juices as yuuta proceeded to catch how they dripped on camera. he then took your palm, with the cadence of a knight kissing the back of a princess’s hand, and slipped the soiled digits into his mouth. his tongue lavved around your index and middle fingers while he hummed satisfactorily at your taste. “you’re just as sweet as i imagined.” he smiled, finding amusement in your post-orgasmic, dazed state.

“do you do this with a lot of other girls, yuuta?” you queried, taking the time to scan your eyes over his face. it was as if he seemed to get more attractive as your time with him went on. he tilted his head slightly, finding your question endearing. “you’re my first, actually.” yuuta responded softly, as if his normal speaking voice would be too heavy on your delicate ears.

you jumped at the chance to tease him as he did you, placing your thumb back over the slit of his hard-on and lightly rubbing; which resonated within yuuta as a tonal mewl. a little smile pulled at your lips when you got your perfect reaction. “can you be my first?”

“i’d love to be,” he took your request with unadulterated honor as if he’d been tasked by the deities above to serve you. “just- just lay back for me. i promise i’ll take good care of you.”

and that you did; conforming to his call of request with such compliance it made his heart swell. you had positioned your body to rest languidly against the seat of the sofa, shaky legs hesitant to spread fully while your hand roamed up your sternum to find solace in kneading your tits.

he couldn’t deny how beautiful you looked, laid out for him as such. how had he been so lucky to be the only one to have the opportunity to marvel at the scene? with a steady hand, he faintly trails his hand up the expanse of your inner thigh, a silent beckon for you to open your legs wider. involuntarily so, your body had accepted his presence and allowed for the spreading of your thighs.

what you’d come to notice with yuuta was that he was watchful, observant. he seemed to pick up on every detail, even the minuscule bits that were most likely to fly over anyone else’s head, had been taken into account. it’s probably why he’s immensely proficient at what he does. not once had he allowed himself to miss the labored heaving of your chest, or the sheen of sweat thinly coating your body — the twitching of your clit when he stroked featherlight touches at the nub. he couldn’t call himself a true cameraman then.

his fingers had collected remnants of your previous orgasm before they worked in tandem, both middle and ring, to prod at your sensitive hole, slowly sinking themselves in. it was almost embarrassing how quickly your greedy cunt swallowed him in, as if it’d been waiting for his touch for years now. “y-yuuta, ‘m still sensitive.” you crooned in response to his digits exploring your cavern, plush walls gripping him with such tautness that he’d found it difficult to even curl his fingers.

his own mind spun (and cock leaked) at the thought of that same warmth around his length, and when you called his name, all he could think about was how pretty you’d sound moaning it. he wouldn’t mind if you were sonorous, if the neighbors would hear, if inumaki who lived downstairs would come knocking with a mouthful of complaints, if the whole world knew his name; because in that moment, yuuta okkotsu was yours.

yuuta okkotsu was in love.

after some shallow pumping, enough to have your legs attempting to enclose around his arm, yuuta had pulled his digits out and replaced the lost sensation with the fat tip of his cock stroking your slit up and down.

“i’m gonna put it in, okay? if you want me to stop, tell me. if i'm going too fast or slow, let me know.”

he perused your face for a hint of an answer, seemingly nothing going on behind your vacant, large eyes. your initial response was curt, an ode to the simplistic nature of your mind. “mhm.”

how endearing you were to him, just a unadorned reaction weakening his being, causing his heart to figuratively crumble within its confines against his ribcage. he had searched for a heartier answer, something tangible to hold on to, because, lord knows how terrible he’d feel if he took your indication the wrong way. “can you be vocal for me, please?”

you nodded your head. “i’ll let you know, yuuta.”

with a carefulness that only came from the most benign of beings, he had sunken the first inch of himself into your awaiting heat.

he was paused when your hand dashed to his lower abdomen, futilely pressing against the skin.

“wait—” you huffed wantonly. “—‘s too big.”

his eyes wavered with concern, hidden under the veil of pure arousal. in yuuta’s case he had dreamed of a compliment as self fulfilling as yours, for his thoughts of being average were shattered upon first inch. “should i stop?”

you shook your head, reveling in the light of his attentivity towards you and your body. “no,” you moved your hand from his abdomen. “don’t stop.”

one of his arms rested beside your head, helping to prop him up over your body while he dropped his head down to watch the way your bodies connected. gradually, the sight of his length slowly sinking inside, stretching you out further and further until he was in to the hilt flooded his vision. yuuta had caught on to your labored gasps, merely growing harder from your honeyed voice like music to his ears.

he then lifted his head, strands of inky, out-of-place tresses falling over his face and partially covering the depth of lingering eyes, that lingered for a second too long, causing that shuddering sensation you had once felt when you first met him to reappear. he held his camcorder beside his face, an all too cheerful grin masked over his features. “i’m all in!”

creepy.

there was no doubt that you hadn’t felt full. he practically spilled over with how much girth he possessed and throbbed innately within your walls. the swell of your tummy from just how deep he was, was enough to tear away at his composure and drag his length back before driving his hips in at a force unrecognizable to him. the yelp you had let out from his eager thrust dwindled into a blissful moan. “sorry, so sorry.” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off the faultless assortment of breathtaking features that was your face, eyebrows creased together, parted lips and eyes squeezed closed as if you’d been focused solely on the pleasure he was giving you.

his next thrust stroked softer than its predecessor, having no remnants of eagerness but instead, the nuance of a man that’d been simply smitten.

the meticulousness of his ministrations coursed through your body wondrously, each push and pull lathered in lust, savored to be remembered for the rest of his time on earth. it was as if he’d known your body for years, knew every dip and fold, every swell and mast, aware of what exactly it took to leave your body hungry for his touches.

you’d grown comfortable in the pace at which he set, your mind hazing over each time the blunt tip grazed along your gspot. he peppered kisses along your jaw and down your sternum, the fanning of his warm breath against your chest doing the minimum in stiffening the peaks of your breasts. shootable footage forgotten, yuuta took your mound into his mouth, teeth gently rolling against your nipple which caused you to tighten around his cock in response, the sweetest mewl he’s ever heard from you tumbling from your throat.

“at least take me on a date first, yuuta..” the wittiness of your voice had earned a stifled smile from him, finding utmost admiration in the suggestion. he’ll be sure to take you up on your offer, just as you had done for him.

when you felt the familiar coil within you starting to build up once more, you dipped your hand down to rub at your clit in tandem with the increasing vigor of his strokes. the sensation was all too foreign to you, too pleasurable that you couldn’t keep your sounds at bay. “‘m so close, g-gonna cum!” you had warned, yuuta pulled away from your tit with a soft pop. he chose to rest his head at the juncture of your neck and shoulder, mindlessly chanting the words like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you,” his pace faltered, growing sloppier by the second. “love you, love you so much.”

intoxicated by your heat, your scent, just you being you, and being so perfect — yuuta was pussydrunk. incredibly so. never in his life had he ever felt as high as you made him. you were an angel, sent to him from heaven, to defile and mark.

quickly, your release surged through you in torrents of ecstasy, nothing that you’ve experienced before, coating yuuta’s cock in the glorious essence of you. “cumming!” you cry, to no avail particularly since yuuta wasn’t wholeheartedly aware of the situation at hand. his mind was clouded with you, just as you were full of him, wincing in the aftershocks of your fervent orgasm and convulsing around his length with need.

it wasn’t long before his own ununified thrusts came to a sudden close, signifying the warm spurts of cum painting your insides, filling you entirely to the brim and leaking down your ass from riding out his high.

“god, i love you.” he whined, pressing faint kisses to your neck, unable to peel himself away from your fervid body. coming to your senses, his words finally resonated for you. “we only just met.”

he pulled himself up, opting to look down at your flushed face with a vague hint of confusion on his face as he tilted his head. “have we?”

“we have.” you nodded.

to yuuta, he’s known you his whole life. you were the light of his existence, the fire in his heart. had he managed to confuse you with someone else? surely, that wasn’t the case.

once he pulled out of you, he made sure to capture the moment that you leaked his seed on film, but in that time, borrowed jealousy had filled his soul. he couldn’t share the tape as he had planned, no one else deserved to see you in the same way he did. no one.

he tucked himself back into his pants, leaving you bare and oozing for just one second to fetch a warm wet rag to clean you up with. when he came back, you noticed just how chipper he’d gotten, if that were even possible. “you were amazing,” he smiled, gently wiping your folds pristine. “i’m so grateful you came to me.” the smile you returned matched his own, “thank you, you were- really good too.”

he perked up, eyes moving from between your thighs to your face. “really?” and when you nodded to him, you could see the apparent relief flow within his being. “you know,” he started. “i’m very interested in you.”

you tilt your head, jutting your lips in a cute pout. “interested, how?”

the camcorder that now resided on his coffee table, unpresumebly documenting the scene on display was picked up by yuuta, and turned off. he grinned softly, eyes shutting from his ear to ear smile.

“may i take you on a date?”

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thechaosbrewery · 29 days

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Ship: UzuRen [Uzui Tengen x Rengoku Kyojuro]

Part 1: Friends to Lovers

This is my ultimate OTP, I live and die for this ship, I love both characters to death. They both live rent free in my head and I will never regret to be on this shipwreck.

If you are more into [you x character] please make sure to check my other blog -> @guerrerajaguar .

In my honest opinion there is no one else better for my little sunshine than the flamboyant god of festivals and let me tell you why:

We all know how they first meet at the Hashira summit when Kyojuro is summoned by Oyakata.

I firmly believe that Tengen fell in love at first sight with Kyojuro, right there in Oyakata’s Zen Garden. At first I think he was star-struck by Kyojuro’s looks and aura, but we lost him when the flame boy confronted Sanemi with not an ounce of fear.

Tengen definitely tried to act to look cool around him, unconsciously flirting with Kyojuro, showing off his muscles and flashy breathing technique, and Kyojuro was genuinely fascinated by this, fueling Tengen’s ego even more.

“Amazing!” “As expected from the Sound Pillar!” “I have never seeing a breathing technique as beautiful as yours!”, Tengen’s chest will fill with pride every time Kyojuro praised him.

Tengen LOVES to be praised, specially by his handsome colleague. He would constantly find himself going over the edge when Kyojuro was around.

The rest of the Pillars hated when this happened, Tengen would be even more insufferable around them, cocky and presumptuous, but Kyojuro never found this annoying at all.

Kyojuro always felt admiration and respect for Tengen as he considered him his valuable superior and never realized that his “comments” about Tengen were easily interpreted as flirting.

All the Pillars knew that Tengen was down bad for Kyojuro even before Tengen realized this himself.

Tengen did not realized his feelings only after he and Kyojuro became closer acquaintances, and I like to believe that it happened when they had their first mission together.

After that, Tengen started to be really TOUCHY with Kyojuro. At first, these were subtle, accidental touches, but as Kyojuro did not seem to care, the nature of these touches intensified as to Tengen trying to pin Kyojuro against the wall, grabbing Kyojuro’s hands, breathing into the back of his neck, hugging him from behind, you name it; complete and entire invasion of the flame pillar personal space.

Tengen ADORES Kyojuro’s hair, so somehow his hands always found a way into Kyojuro’s flaming strands. Softer than what it looked like.

It was after his first mission together than Kyojuro found out about Tengen having 3 wives. He did not approved at all, as for him, a man should be completely devoted to only one persona for the rest of their life, just like his parents were.

Kyojuro tried to fool himself with the argument that Tengen already had 3 wives, so it was very unlikely that his friend had feelings for him.

It gets harder for Tengen to conceal what he really feels, he wants to get more intimate with Kyojuro and I think he is completely fine with the fact that he has fallen for a man.

Tengen confesses first because he really can’t stand to be in the “bromance zone” anymore.

Kyojuro is a bit shocked but not completely surprised at all, he is not as dense as a lot of people thinks. And also, Kyojuro is unbothered by the fact that Tengen is a man.

Kyojuro has a hard time to accept Tengen’s feeling, because in his mind, he will be committing adultery and that is something he will never approve of.

But against of all odds and his own morale, I think Kyojuro would officially start his romance with Tengen and OH BOY, ARE THEY PHYSICAL.

If Tengen was touchy before, after his confession, he is all hands over HIS MAN.

Tengen its jealous AS HELL.

He was a bit jealous when they were friends but now it’s a lot worse.

He hates when women they rescue try to get too intimate with Kyojuro, this never turns into a fight thanks to Kyojuro’s character and personality but Kyojuro is very firm to not let this to get in the way of their duty.

I also think that Tengen gets more openly jealous from some of the other Pillars and I will elaborate from whom on another post :P.

On the other hand, Kyojuro’s jealousy is shown more as bitterness for Tengen’s wives. He believes that the ladies are able to give Tengen what he will never be capable of [kids]. But he is not resentful at the girls at all, all the opposite, Kyojuro contradicts himself all the time by telling Tengen that he should be more respectful of his ladies.

As opposed to Tengen, Kyojuro never voices these insecurities to Tengen because he does not feel he has the right to do so :(

Kids are really important to Kyojuro, one of his main goals in life is to be extend the Rengoku legacy, Tengen takes a lot of importance to this as he wants to make Kyojuro happy and motivates Tengen to make important decisions. I will explain this in another post.

Tengen teaches Kyojuro the arts of love, Tengen is gentle and chivalrous, caring and compassionate, I will explain in more detail the love language of each.

Kyojuro is extremely romantic when they are alone, I think that as Kyojuro is super passionate, Tengen gets the best out of him in this aspect as Kyojuro have never loved someone before.

Tengen is Kyojuro’s first love <3.

Tengen makes Kyojuro flush in public but Kyojuro takes Tengen’s breath away in private.

Tengen IS CRAZY about this, he loves when Kyojuro gets intimate and touchy with him. Tengen wants Kyojuro to need and want him as much as he does.

I believe Kyojuro’s is the first to say: I love you.

Tengen is very vocal about needing Kyojuro, Tengen is a demanding lover, he wants all the attention and pampering that Kyojuro has to offer and at the worst time possible lol.

In the middle of a fight? Maybe. In front of other Pillars? Absolutely. In front of Shinjuro? DON’T even dare not to kiss him back.

It takes Kyojuro a bit more time to feel like he is entitled of receiving love and attention from Tengen, because he feels like a home-wrecker mistress lol. So he rarely demands any attention from Tengen.

Tengen confuses this as Kyojuro not loving him enough, or not being sure about them two being together.

Kyojuro’s guilt drives him a bit away from Tengen, again, not feeling like he is entitled to anything and it takes him a bit of time to settle this down.

Tengen certainly panics whenever Kyojuro acts distant or seems to want space in between them, this mainly due to Tengen’s insecurities and feeling like he is not good enough.

They eventually work this stuff out, and have a very healthy, sexy and loving relationship. I will elaborate this in another post.

I will also elaborate my thoughts about the Rengoku family reaction to Kyojuro’s and Tengen’s relationship.

That is it for now, I hope to write the other parts soon. I am a multishipper, so expect to see other pairing with the unbelievably perfect Flame Hashira and other KnY characters.

If you love this ship as much as I do, please don’t hesitate to hit my DM’s and send your requests as well <3. Wishing you all the best, read you all later!

#@ᴛʜᴇᴄʜᴀᴏꜱʙʀᴇᴡᴇʀʏ .𖥔 ݁ ˖#uzuren #TenKyo #Uzui x Rengoku #Tengen x Kyojuro #my otp #otp #SFW #tengen uzui #uzui tengen #kyojuro rengoku #rengoku kyojuro

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ssmtskw · 4 months

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WIP Wednesday Word Search!

Thanks for the tag in this one, babies. @read-and-write- @firenati0n @songliili @kiwiana-writes @rockyroadkylers @gayrootvegetable and @hgejfmw-hgejhsf! 💗 Also: appreciation post for my friends who endlessly tag me in these games/challenges even though I'm not the most active and consistent person on this platform. I love you all.

RULES: use this generator to generate three random words (or however many you'd like to do!) and share the lines where they show up in your WIPs!

The words I got were acquaintance, monk, and challenge.

acquaintance - Exes to What? AU

There’s a bunch of classmates, celebrities, Nora posting a photo dump about their weekly Austen-binge with June popping in every so often in the slides. Pez in another outfit that never fails to fill Alex with awe; they’re the most stylish person he probably knows, and that’s saying something with his revolving door of acquaintances and friends. Ellen with her recent campaign publicity pictures. His dad doesn’t have instagram, but every now and then Oscar’s face shows up on news outlets as the current-seating senator of California. And then, unmistakably enough to Alex’s eyes, there’s also Henry.

monk - ATLA AU

Alex was already in the Avatar State, and finally looking around the room — littered with Fire Nation army uniforms and the remains of a monk who clearly meant something to Alex and June — it's not hard to understand why.

challenge - fake fratboy!Alex who's actually just an animal shelter volunteer AU

So Henry doesn't ask Alex where he goes or why he has new cuts on his hands or what he gets up to whenever he's not in school — only looks at him as if all the burning questions he wants to send Alex's way was his newfound telepathic skill. Does so in the next few days because he can't just let go of things like that, and ultimately only stops when Alex finally shoots back a quizzical look at him. He doesn't look angry, per se, but the littlest hint of a challenge does start resting on his eyebrows whenever he spares Henry a glance.

I combined both games so I'm not sure who to tag that hasn't done it yet but if you already did, take this as a round two I guess the word search is FUN. @blairwaldcrf @later-2-dae @dragonflylady77 @leojfitz @14carrotghoul @matherines @44whispers @movetoheavens @mudbloodpotter05 @happiness-of-the-pursuit @inexplicablymine @user-anakin @littlemisskittentoes

#WIP Word Search Game #WIP Wednesday #tag game #ao3 #rwrb #rwrb fic #exes to what #atla au #fake fratboy!alex #can't think of other tags but we all only live once #mttsn's

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poppyfamily · 1 month

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smosh girlies week -> day 6: alternate universe

only want a real (real) love | a toilet girl x new york playlist

list of songs and rationale for adding each to the playlist below the cut

hard to be myself - fickle friends | why am i afraid of being sure / so fill me up, i'm insecure / so open up another / party with me

this is both toilet girl and new york to me as they were first introduced - new york as the party girl who doesn't really wanna settle down and toilet girl there for her fabric company and to be served all the drinks.

television romance - pale waves | you're not so heavenly / and i'm not sure that you're for me / but in the morning, it might just change

this song describes their enemies to lovers dynamic to me.

real love - carly rae jepsen | danger, i feel danger / and i cannot find the breath to scream the words out right / every thought is paralyzing / need to find a way to you now

this song in particular makes me think of new york proposing and toilet girl accepting, of how angela must've felt after being rejected by arasha, and likely also how amanda treated her after. them at their most tender. them at their most vulnerable. them at their kindest to one another. wrote a drabble about it and you can read it if you like!

too good to be true - kacey musgraves | in my mind, we're in new york / you had never been before / but baby, now it's our town // i'll admit that i'm in deep / that i don't know how else to be / and i don't wanna slow down

i just think this is the song that best describes their early days as a married couple. overall i think this song captures them the most. you can stop here if you don't want angst!!

both hands - ani difranco | and i am getting / nowhere with you / and i can't let it go / and i can't get through

they start to crumble, amanda pov song.

ship to wreck - florence + the machine | my love remind me, what was it that i did? / did i drink too much? am i losing touch? / did i build this ship to wreck?

angela pov song. she is regretting shit.

last day of our acquaintance - sinead o'connor | i'll talk but you won't listen to me / and i know your answer already

their dynamic To Me during divorce. (anyway read baflegacy's there is no amount of crying (i can do for you) )

if i hated you - fletcher | my bedtime is the darkest / that's when i'm broken-hearted / the night time is the hardest / it'd be easy if i hated you

yeah they weren't good for each other, but have you considered that they are also sad and horny about it?

your ex-lover is dead - stars | you were what i wanted / i gave what i gave / i'm not sorry i met you / i'm not sorry it's over / i'm not sorry there's nothing to save

they learn to be at peace with the relationship having happened and having ended. musically, it sounds like hope. they hope the best for each other. ultimately, it's wonderful that they ever loved each other at all.

#playlists #smosh girlies week #smoshgirliesweek #amangela #fic*

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welcometololaland · 11 months

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This week's theme: Rec a fic that starts with the same letter as your username (or, if you like, a part of your username) - I went with 'L' for Lolaland :)

The rules: Tag a fic that starts with the same letter as your username and describe why it's so good / how it has a hold on you. Then tag some people to see what everyone else is reading. Spread the love! Also, I'll do the round up on Sunday, so if you're still recc-ing on Saturday, no pressure! Please tag me or tag #fic rec friday so I can compile the masterlist.

I'm gonna break my own rules this week and rec more than one!

911 Lone Star

let me take your heart (love you in the dark) by @reyescarlos - this fic is so damn hot and i love that they're so flirty from the get-go. Kim has created straight fire, which is fortunate, because Carlos is a firefighter in this fic and the working together aspect is heartwarming and also leads to some...enjoyable opportunities (for them). I remember going absolutely insane in the comments for this one and there is a REASON for that.

lit the spark (that set a fire) by @reyesstrand - an amazing firefighter!Carlos AU that I only read recently, this one has the incredible transition from acquaintances to best friends to lovers and honestly, the way Maddie describes the best friend component had me sobbing. I think the main thing that stuck out to me is that at every point in this fic, even when TK didn't realise it, Carlos was exactly what he needed at that time.

love me as if i were forever by @rmd-writes - this one is so damn sweet and fills you with all the most comforting feelings. I think Rae describes it as TK and Carlos just loving each other a lot, and it's exactly the kind of vibe that a really good forehead kiss brings. Also, it was gifted to me after a family member passed away so it was SO appreciated at that time.

Red White and Royal Blue

Love is Thai food and crepe paper by @clottedcreamfudge - another ultimate feel good fic. It has notes written to each other, a sweet dynamic that includes the trademark CCF banter, some cute moments with kids. In this AU, Alex and Henry are teachers, and somehow it works SO WELL. Definitely recommend to put a smile on your face.

Open tag as always, but tagging: @rmd-writes @celeritas2997 @strandnreyes @chaotictarlos @fitzherbertssmolder @heartstringsduet @carlos-in-glasses @treluna4 @cha-melodius @pragmatic-optimist @lemonlyman-dotcom @guardian-angle22 @lutavero @ramblingdisaster73 @ramonaflow @neelyo67 @liminalmemories21 @rosedavid @jazzerdoc @firstprince-history-huh @three-drink-amy @thisbuildinghasfeelings @alrightbuckaroo @basilsunrise @actual-sleeping-beauty @sunshinestrand @watmalik

#fic rec friday #911 lone star #tarlos #rwrb #red white and royal blue #first prince #fic rec

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matcha-green-bear · 1 year

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✩pt.1: I told the moon about you

✩ paring: celestial!Seonghwa x f!reader

✩ genre: Hwa moon au, fluff, romance, strangers to lovers

✩ summery: At the end of the day, all she has is books, music, and her letters to the moon. Someday someone will bring the moon down for her in the shape of their love. . . .who knew it would've been the moon himself.

✩ warnings: cheesy romance, suggestive, mentions of loss (mc lost a family member and talks about it), sad themes, Seonghwa flirting👀😂, very cheesy flirting🤭

✩ wordcount: 835

✩ taglist: @justaaveragereader , @marievllr-abg , @owlmylove , @hwaightme , @layzfeelit , @bae4choi, @jackinmyarea

✩ a/n: Taglist is open! Just shoot me an ask!💚 This chapter was cute!! akjnrgk especially when mc and Hwa meet🥹 Man they were so cute😭🤭 Had me giggling while I was writing it!! Ooh also did you know that it takes 27 days, 7 hours, and 43 minutes for our Moon to complete one full orbit around Earth!

"You know if you do this, you'll never be able to return, right?" He looked into his friend's eyes worryingly, "Yes, I'm fully aware of the consequences, but that's why I'm appointing you to take over. Joong, I've never felt this strongly in my entire existence. She speaks to me like I am who I am, not the big space rock everyone sees in the sky. I know she doesn't know, but this yearning feeling will never go away and continues to pull at my heart. Even if all we become are acquaintances, being so close will be enough for me." Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa. He didn't understand what Hwa felt, but what he does know is that he has never seen Seonghwa, so passion filled. Hwa truly fell in love with a silly human who talks to the moon, not even one of those humans that other humans deem 'important.' Deep down, he knew this would ultimately make Hwa happy. "Seonghwa I'll grant you your wish but grant me mine and just visit for each night till the next full moon and when seeing or meeting her in person, you still feel the feeling you say, and they do not diminish even a little! Then and only then will I give you a human life." Seonghwa was so happy he could barely contain his excitement, but before he could do anything, it was like Hongjoong read his mind. "Eh, don't even think about thanking me. Please, let's just see how the visits go, Hwa."

You sat on your windowsill, window open, letting the crisp autumn air engulf you, bringing you at ease. You sighed, looking at the moon. "You know I miss her and her warmth, her presence, her fragrance when enveloped by absence, I miss her. Today, I miss her just like I did yesterday, and I will miss her tomorrow just the same. She loved you as much as I do, you know. She taught me all about your phases and the constellations." "She sounds truly wonderful." Taken aback by the sudden voice you look down to see a man standing in the moonlight, he was ethereal, blonde hair moving with the light breeze. A stranger, yes, but you felt at ease being higher up and basically in your home. "She was more than wonderful. She was so much more." You weren't even looking at the man anymore as you spoke. The night sky had your full attention.

"Do you talk to him often?" Confused by his question, you looked down at him. He seemed you find your confused state amusing. The man chuckled and looked up at the sky, looking at the moon. "You know the saying, 'the man in the moon' that's what I meant by him." He was amusing to you as well. His silly quip had you smiling down at him. “Funny enough, and you'll probably find this strange, but I do talk to him often, every night, really. Helps me when I'm feeling down." Oddly what you said brought a smile to his face. "I find that endearing really, it's like the moon is a comfort for you and you confide in the moon with your troubles, right?" Laughing, you replied through giggles. “Now you sound like a therapist trying to chip at my walls to make me talk and open up about said troubles!" His face turned serious, and he looked into your eyes "Mmm I'm not here to break down your walls, I'm here to turn them into something beautiful that you are proud of, your walls make you, you."

This made you blush hard. Who was this man? "Now I don't think Therapists are supposed to flirt with their patients." "Well thank goodness, I am not your therapist, so therefore flirting with you is allowed as long as you like it." You didn't know how to describe it but talking with him hit you with a wave of love so comfortable and deep that you felt like you've already loved this person for thousands of years. "I do like it, well not 'man in the moon', what do I call thee!?" He bowed, going along with your sudden change to Shakespearean language. "Thee fair maiden shall calleth me Seonghwa, what is thy nameth?" Full on holding your stomach from laughing so much, your wipe a tear away. "My good Seonghwa, thee can calleth me y/n!" Seonghwa is also laughing "Well y/n, parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow, I shall seeth thee again." "Adieu! When we do meet again, why, we shall smile!" He walked into the moonlight more, you turned around to get up but when you turned back to watch him go, he was already gone. Tired from the day you closed and locked your window and slipped into bed. Saying one last goodnight before you fell asleep. "I told the moon some more about you, and I met someone too! I love and miss you endlessly, goodnight, Mom."

✩✧✫next➵

✩ a/n: I swear Hwa and mc talking in shakespearean🥺 still makes me smile, like look at them being little goofballs🤭💛 Mmm I wonder what Hongjoong will say🤔 ig we will find out in the next chapter!!!!😘 Also some of mc and Hwa's lines were inspired by two Shakespeare plays, can you name them🤔

@matcha-green-bear / / do not repost or modify

#ateez #seonghwa #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x you #park seonghwa #park seonghwa x reader #ateez park seonghwa #matcha-green-bear #:mswttm #:My Story Written To The Moon

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airasora · 3 months

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Oh, I will send more later because they are super interesting but this one immediately got my attention: 33, What is their wedding day like? For Hollina, Rolfmaine, Quaselle and Sinric (I didn't plan on having two straight and two gay couples LOL those are the ones that are very intriguing to me in regards to the wedding)

What is their wedding day like?

Hollina

Holli and Lina's wedding would be a big event. They both know a lot of people and care about making their wedding be as great as their love for each other. Even though they have had their disagreements about certain aspects of their wedding (like Holli wanting something elegant and modern, and Lina wanting something princessy and fairytale-like) they have managed to meet in the middle and their wedding will be remembered for decades. Their wedding day is filled with flowers, fairy lights, karaoke, glass tiles for the dancing area, and you better believe their first dance is choreographed to the max! And they have a first song too, because of course they do.

I also made a short fanfic about Holli's feelings about wearing a wedding veil you can read here.

Rolfmaine

Both John and Anastasia agreed they wanted a big, disgustingly elegant wedding. John Rolfe is used to fancy parties with stuffy clothing and waltzing around in a ballroom, and while Anastasia can't dance to save her life, she loves the same things John does. Their guest list, however, would not be exceptionally big. Both of them have few family members and a few friends, so despite the elegant setting and atmosphere, the wedding would still be intimate. John would consider playing a diplomatic move and invite acquaintances, but ultimately he didn't want to have to put pressure on Anastasia on her wedding day.

Quaselle

Simple and sweet forest ceremony, not truly a traditional wedding. I don't see Belle being religious and Quasimodo would have a very strained relationship with Christianity after all the religious trauma he's been through. So their wedding would be much more about having a day where they tell the world they love each other and intend to be together till death do them part. Neither Belle or Quasimodo would want a big, fancy wedding either. And while some might have expected them to get married in Notre Dame, ultimately the place has too many bitter memories for Quasimodo despite Notre Dame holding a lot of good memories for him as well. And Belle is a simple girl, ultimately she only cares about marrying Quasimodo and sharing the moment with friends and family. The party AFTER the ceremony though? Big street party. Even though Belle and Quasimodo are somewhat introverted and prefer small gatherings, they have a huge amount of acquaintances who would want to celebrate them, and they wouldn't be against that. But the ceremony would be just for them, Maurice, Esmeralda, Phoebus and Zephyr.

Sinric

Eric's a prince; his wedding WILL be the event of the century, which is absolutely fine with Sinbad. They're both massive extroverts and thrive in big crowds, Sinbad especially loves all the attention and the jealous glances he'd get all day from bitter, rejected suitors of Eric. There's also the fact they had to hide their relationship for a while so once it's finally out there, they both want to show each other off to the world. Sinbad would hog Eric all night, dancing with him so much they'll both be exhausted by the time their wedding WEEK is over.

Want to ask a question about one of my OTPs? Check the OTP asks here!

#otp #otp asks #otp prompts #wedding #marriage #headcanon #headcanons #hollina #rolfmaine #quaselle #sinric

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cathode-crew · 6 months

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I don't see a lot of posts detailing how hard high school and college are for neurodivergent people. I know maybe it's because a lot of ND people might not make it to college or even K-12, but I think its worth talking about. It is seriously something so annoying and devastating to hear more about destigmatization and accommodations and an increas of inclusiveness of ND people in colleges and work places, only to see that it's not really true and navigating/understanding the system is horrible.

I don't think anyone has a responsibility to work, but I genuinely want to and find myself (hypothetically) able to. Considering the big spectrum of many disorders, I think I'm ultimately a bit fortunate in that I can be a great student and I'm pretty smart. And yet despite that, I'm having a horrible time actually understanding what I can only refer to as "el chiste" (the joke). The way the system really works and what all NTs automatically know and follow, but don't directly say it or explain to anyone.

Schools and work places say they want smart, passionate hardworkers, but that's not what's important. Having good connections to people and time/money to take shadowing positions and trips was what actually counted.

The issue with being ND and school goes beyond having difficulty with a specific subject and focusing.

It's also not engaging with the class lecture or interacting with other students, due to being socially withdrawn or socially awkward.

It's being unable to network and making friends or acquaintances.

It's being very punctual and busy with studying that you miss out on apparently crucial club activities/school events/volunteer work. They say "read the textbook and do all your homework which for a 2 hpur and 2 days of the week class is 8 hours." That leaves me with no time to do a part-time job or volunteer or do extracurricular activities or anything. Other students prioritized non-class stuff and put it on their resumes and grad applications. I have nothing to put on those and look like an incompetent applicant for doing what they told me ("do good in classes"). Nobody filled me in on the secret/joke.

Being smart was not what any of it was about. It was being able to make small talk and have zero communication limitations or being socially inept. I got nowhere despite actually working hard to get 4.0s and loving the field I chose. My peers just complained about the classes and admitted to never reading even required texts, never came to class and cheating on quizzes and take home exams, but they move forward because without actually doing the work or spending time studying they got to volunteer and shadow and work on their statements.

#text #☔#autism #neurodivergence #learning disability

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the-judicial-assistants-notebook · 1 year

Note

oh the ones I wanted to send are taken already UHM.. Wrightdot and/or Franmaya? (the latter isn't my cup of tea but I'm interested to hear your thoughts on it!)

HELLO, GRACE, MY DARLING FRIEND GRACE 💖💕💕💞♥️💝❤️💗❤️💖💖💕💝💞♥️💗💞 Thank you for the ask; I am honoured you actually wanted to hear me talk about multiple ships whsjdhj 💖💘💗

Wrightdot:

Grace, trying to answer this gave me some sort of quarter-life existential crisis, and I am a bit hysterical rn. Through the laughter and the screaming, I have to admit that... I kind of............ get it??????? I WOULDNT SAY I SHIP IT, BUT, LIKE. THEY'RE SO FUNNY BUT ALSO REALLY SAD AND IM????? IDK WHAT I THINK SJWVSHDHFKDH

Ultimately, though, ULTIMATELY. I can't quite get past the whole 'that is Mia's ex who is still very much in love with her, and her protege' thing. She's played too much of a role in both their lives for them to see very far past her influence on one another, and I don't think it'd be very healthy for them to try pursuing a romantic relationship; because I feel like they'd inevitably end up trying to fill the space Mia left in their lives through the other person which just wouldn't work. I definitely think they should have some sort of a relationship, though! I think Diego cryptically mentoring Phoenix and being very unhelpful most days, but always really solid help deep down, is very fun and kind of important for them post-BttT. I think they should get to truly know one another, beyond the masks and the projection, and Diego has a lot more experience being a lawyer than Phoenix, so he'd definitely be able to help with all the moral quandaries that are bound to come up later on. Plus he'd Get the whole 7-yg Phoenix attitude thing because... he's been there. I think he could've been helpful, and it's a shame we don't get to see them be, if not friends, respected acquaintances.

Alternatively, though, the idea of Phoenix having a casual conversation with Diego only for the fleeting thought of "Wow, he's really attractive" to stop him dead in his tracks and make him question his whole life and go to therapy and Leave the Country™ is so funny to me. Alternatively-alternatively, I get the romance of it. It's the whole pulling back the mask, having someone who really understands you, being accepted in spite of your worst flaws, moving on from grief and loss with another hand in yours and NOPE. I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS. I DONT SHIP IT BUT IDK! IDK!!!! IM THROWING THEM BOTH OFF A CLIFF, AND THEN IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF. I AM DONE. GOODBYE.

Franmaya:

Okay, after standing in the shower and staring at a wall for 3 hours, I can talk normally again, which is good because I have to explain this.

I know the people who ship them don't do it in this way, but? Honestly? Franmaya is one of those wlw ships that strike me as two female characters being shoved together because they're left hanging once the main male couple whom everyone actually cares about (nrmts in this case) gets together, and because no one can find anything interesting to say about them as individuals, so now they're lesbians. Yay! (And also because people maybe don't want to be seen as only shipping mlm ships for fear of being told they're fetishising them.) And I know that that's not true and that most Franmaya shippers love both of them individually (as we all should), but something about them always makes me hear the feminine AI TikTok voice going, "Diversity Win 😊👍🎉!" in my head and conjures up images of Western corporate advertisements during the month of June (hence the love is love coca-cola).

And I know this isn't the case, but ???? I think it's mainly because I genuinely do not understand this ship. I don't usually need ships to be supported by canon for me to ship them, but what we've been given by canon doesn't help me see these two as ever being friends, let alone girlfriends. I understand the reasoning of "they both have self-worth issues so they'd understand each other", and that's a perfectly good reason to ship people, but like. I kind of want more? I kind of want them to be able to connect on a level that goes beyond them having similar issues? And probably the folks who do ship Franmaya do have reasons that go beyond that, like maybe Maya teaches Franziska how to lighten up and not take herself so seriously, and Franziska shows Maya that she doesn't always have to be the easiest version of herself to be loved. And that's all lovely! But I... don't want them to fix each other--

See, the versions of Franmaya I've seen floating around either boil them down to a wlw version of nrmts OR they make them out to be this saccharine, perfect, happy lesbian couple who are so, so wonderful and sweet to each other. Which is. Great! I love seeing women happy! But -- I'm sorry -- it's so BORING to me. It always seems to fix them a little (even if it's just around each other), and I like their flaws. I like that Franziska's a bit of an uppity, violent snob, and I like that Maya is a bit of a naive, insecure girl. I don't want them to fix each other, but I've tried twisting them the other way round, too! I've tried giving them the Krisnix treatment where they just amplify each other's worst traits, because they share similar insecurities and would know where to prod to make it hurt, but! I find that even less appealing and workable, tbh. Maya at her worst might let someone walk all over her for momentary wisps of affection disguised as acceptance of her flaws? But she has good and smart friends! Nick would never let her be in a toxic relationship like that, and he'd stay with her until she realises it's bad for her! And Franziska, regardless of how she may feel about being in Edgeworth's shadow, would never let anyone else even suggest that to her. The moment she gets a hint of that kind of disrespect, she is gone. She doesn't need you, make no mistake of that.

And it all really comes back to the fact that I can't see them connecting as friends. With Emaziska, I could see how they could be genuinely good friends and then more, but with Franmaya it's just... Not there for me. I can't see them progressing beyond the "oh, that's my little-older brother's friend's sister" stage the way you might be "friends" with your parents' friend's kids, you know? Like, yeah, you guess you're friends with them, but it's nothing serious or real. That's how I view their relationship. I'm not averse to being persuaded to ship them (in fact, I'd like to have them explained to me; they have cute art!) but I have tried and ehhh?? Doesnt do much for me, sorry, Franmaya 😔

#experienced the entire breadth of human emotion on the train today thank you Grace i can always count on you to make me Feel & Think 💖💕♥️#wrightdot #franmaya #this is my bias talking but i feel like franziska could be better friends with iris than she ever could mia or maya. girls who stab people #and girls who whip people just have an intrinsic connection y'know? like her and adrian <3 wjakdgskdh #idk how these keep getting so long!!! thank you though i LOVED answering both of these even if nrgd sent me into a spiral <3 #laying out my thoughts about franmaya was very fun too. i enjoyed answering this tremendously #sorry it took a hot minute. i was really Going Through It

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catierambles · 1 year

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There was no fanfare when the sorceress came to Kaer Morhen. People noticed, yes, but no one seemed to care as they all seemed to already know her.

'A friend of Geralt's' someone had told her when she had asked and she quickly made her acquaintance. Yennefer was her name and she was darkly beautiful with silky black hair and vibrant violet eyes. The sorceress had dismissed her just as quickly as she introduced herself, but that was fine with her. Then, it seemed someone had told her that she, this healer who had been traveling with Geralt, was also his lover. That had gotten the sorceress's attention and she suddenly found herself being scrutinized on almost everything she did.

"You're using those herbs? Interesting."

"Fascinating spell, if a bit basic."

"Your clothing is a bit...utilitarian, don't you think?"

It finally got to the point where she told Yennefer that if she wasn't going to help in the infirmary, that she could leave as she was only in her way. That had gotten a surprised blink from the woman and Yennefer left without a word. Geralt had come into the infirmary not long after and given her a silent kiss on the temple, his hand wrapping around her hip.

Geralt avoided Yennefer and she was curious as to their history, but she also didn't want to pry. It was his business, if he wanted to tell her he would. She didn't have to wait long.

"We were lovers."

"Ah."

"I cared about her and she betrayed me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's the past, and I'm more than happy with the present."

Geralt walked down the hall of the keep, on the way to the infirmary to see his healer when he stopped at the sound of his name. His name in an all too familiar voice. With a scowl, he turned to her, Yennefer walking quickly towards him, determination set on her face that he once adored.

"You've been avoiding me." Yennefer said.

"And yet you haven't taken the hint." Geralt said, "You shouldn't be here, Yen."

"Why shouldn't I? The Witchers have always been receptive to my teachings."

"I'll put it plainly, then. I don't want you here, Yennefer."

"What have I done to deserve such venom?"

"Your memory isn't that bad." Geralt said and turned to walk away but she stopped him with a hand around his bicep and he looked down at it quickly before turning his eyes to its owner.

"Wasn't I good to you? Weren't we good together? Now you're fucking some weak little--"

"Stop." Geralt said, "You don't know her. There are many different kinds of strengths, Yennefer. Her valuing and preserving life is not a weakness, and your disregard for it is not a strength. As for how you were with me..." He stopped with a growl, "I told you, I told you I wasn't comfortable shifting around you. Not because I thought I would hurt you, but because I didn't feel like being studied like some experiment. What did you do? You ripped it from me. You forced me to change with your magic so you could see it because you were so fucking curious. I was in excruciating pain, because of you, and you didn't care."

"Geralt..."

"She accepts my Wolf for what it is and loves me for it regardless." Geralt said, "You only ever saw it as what it could do for you. Leave." Ripping his arm from her grasp, he walked away, heading instead to the training courtyard, needing to work out some aggression. He could feel her following behind him, but he paid her no mind, having said what he needed to. Entering the courtyard, he saw his healer there, tending to another Witcher who had seemed to have an accident, blood trailing down his face and his arm at an odd angle at the shoulder. He was about to go to her when he felt the muttered word, pain ripping through his body, making him fall to his knees in the snow. The bones in his hands twisted and popped, his muscles squirming under his skin as he fought the change Yennefer was forcing on him. It was ultimately futile, and his Wolf ripped from his skin violently, his mind filled with rage and hunger.

"Geralt!" He heard his healer yell, but the other Witchers kept her back, drawing swords on him.

"Stay back, Miss!" One yelled, "We can't ensure your safety when he's like this!" She pushed through them, batting away their reaching hands, and went to him. He couldn't see, he couldn't focus, his mind a violent storm, but the first touch of her hands on his head brought everything back with perfect clarity.

"Easy." She whispered, "Easy now. You're fine. You're safe." Her hands ran over his ears, down his cheeks, stroking his muzzle and his eyes closed as he sat down heavily. She held his head in her arms, running her palms over his flank and back, smoothing down the snow-white fur and he set his head on her shoulder, inhaling the scent of her hair. Her lips pressed against the side of his head and he sighed. "Are you okay now?" He huffed into her hair and she pulled away, holding his head in her hands and looking into his golden eyes before pressing a kiss to his nose. She looked to the side, her shoulders tightening as she saw Yennefer and she released him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? How dare you force him to change."

"I--"

"I don't care. Get. Out. Leave Kaer Morhen. Now. And don't you ever try to contact him again." His healer ground out and Geralt stood, turning on Yennefer with a growl, his top lip curling back away from wicked teeth. Yennefer didn't say anything, leaving the courtyard quickly and his healer turned back to him. "Come. Let's get you somewhere private so you can change back. I don't think you want the others to see you as bare as your nameday." He bumped his head into her shoulder making her jerk back a little and she smiled, pressing another kiss to his muzzle before they left the courtyard, her hand on his flank.

#henry cavill #geralt of rivia #my writing

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apilgrimsjournal · 1 year

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I should not be loved.

I have been avoiding examining myself for a long time because it takes courage to see how little my faith has progressed. And courage often flees from me. However, I cannot resist the Holy Spirit’s nudge to obey Him, for a time maybe, but not ultimately. Examining oneself is part of Christian living, to see if one is really in faith. And looking back, from the life choices I made this year, I must admit how much I hurt people around me. Not just strangers or acquaintances, but people who love me. I have disappointed, let down, and hurt them in so many ways than I could try to recall. I want to apologize with all my heart. I want to pour out my heart and tell them I did not intend to hurt any of them. I want to give them reasons to shed light but I know it will sound as excuses so I just want to own up to everything, taking accountability for all I have done. I did try to love as much as they love me, but I learned the hard way that we really cannot pour from an empty cup. You see, if there is someone I really hurt and maligned, it is my God and my Heavenly Father. I have tried yet again to hew out a broken cistern I cannot possibly fill. I have prayed and grown weary of His timing that I took matters in my own hands. Shameless, I know but sin makes people stupid. I have been foolish trying to understand the things He withheld from me that I slowly walked away from His love. This is why I have been feeling this remorse and self-reproach that I should not be loved at all. Every time someone tries to love me, I just end up hurting them even though I try so hard not to. I should be alone but as much as I am used to being alone, I never relish loneliness. All these lies just keep flooding my head all day long and run my hope dry. But God’s word gives me strength, He did not let me go even when I wandered from Him. He keeps holding my hand even when I tried to wrench it free from His eternal grip. I am once again in awe of God’s loving grace for vile sinners like me. He knows how unlovely I am and can be and yet He loves me anyway not because of anything I have done or am but because He just chose to show mercy to me; that alone makes me want to serve Him in eternity. He especially draws near the unlovable, the ones who see no good in them, that He might show them how glorious His grace towards sinners is. As what G.K. Chesterton famously said, “A thing must be loved before it is lovable.”

Another thing I learned is that I may be a child of God but complacency is never designed for me, I am to be like His Son; like Christ. And that entails suffering and hardships as Christ did experience. I need to work hard for the salvation He richly bestowed and being predestined and called does not excuse laziness. Oh, to be wary of The Way and never turn aside, that for us, His children, must take!

Though I know and am truly aware of how much I should not be loved, God has long loved, loves, and will always love me because He has bound Himself to do so. And when these lies fester me again, His promise will be my armor and shield. Let goods and kindred go. Let family and friends forsake me. Christ is my mighty fortress. And when He said that His love is steadfast, He meant it with no end.

#christian #hope #jesussaves #love

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eisheartoffantasy · 1 month

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Entry #16. How Do You Love? How Do You Lie?

Corny title, I know. But it's my journal. My feelings.

Anyways, the girl I mentioned whom I have a crush on — let's call her Silvia — is still very much in my life.

The way she teasingly tells me good night, calls me by those silly nicknames she randomly comes up with, shares all her bizarre dreams and listens to me talk about mine... I'm in love with it.

When my dark thoughts take over, typically when I'm overworked or in a depressive episode at night, the thing I want to do the most is to text or call her. When something positive happens in my life (which honestly isn't that often of an occurrence), the person I want to share it with is her.

But the clearest sign of my crush on her is my jealousy. We have a mutual friend, whom I shall call Hana, who is by my perception closer to her. My main reason for this conclusion is that while I've given Silvia numerous gifts, she hasn't given me as many and yet she's given Hana quite a lot. That is not to assume she treats Hana better than she treats me objectively — for all I know, maybe Hana has given her more gifts herself, but that would suggest even more strongly that the two of them are closer.

Wow...I'm reading the above paragraph right after I finished writing it. What an over-analysis, huh?

I got quite jealous for sure, even verging on resentment towards Hana. So what did I do?

I befriended Hana. I made sure to be as nice to her as possible. I did it to the point where Hana explicitly told me that I'm one of the coolest girls she's met, and I feigned confidence in response, telling her that being thought of as cool is a great source of motivation to become even cooler.

Genuinely, Hana is an absolute sweetie. If it weren't for my unrequited (and unknown) feelings for Silvia, I'm sure I could be very close friends with her. In fact, if my feelings weren't in the way, the three of us could be such an iconic trio of best friends. Silvia, the most sociable and experienced in life to enlighten us with knowledge and hope; Hana, the "cinnamon roll" who deserves to be totally spoiled by us like a little sister; me, the cool one who brings tons of laughter and will wholeheartedly support my besties through any difficult situation.

If only I wasn't so petty.

If...only...I...wasn't...in...love.

Of course, my feelings can NOT become known. At the very least not right now, not in my current mental state — to put it simply, I haven't been my best self. I'm still depressed and anxious half the time, barely finding a direction in life. Silvia is like a beam of sunshine in my gloom-filled world, and I'm quite certain a romantic confession would ruin our friendship. Even if Silvia herself is unfazed by it, I know I would feel embarrassed to the point where my depression would worsen into an endless spiral, ultimately leading to an emotional explosion and to me losing even more than our friendship.

Plus, Silvia has a husband whom I'm also acquainted with. I can't do this to a married couple, even if the most likely outcome is that they'll just see me as a younger friend who developed an insignificant crush that'll naturally fade with aging.

So for now, I must keep lying. It's a harmless lie.

Well, I guess it's a little harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth is more harmful. And the truth is potentially harmful to other parties as well. So it's only clear which way the scale should tilt.

Silvia, Hana, I want to become close friends with both of you in the future, when I'm out of my mental health limbo. This part I'll never lie about.

Ei, you're in love with Silvia right now, that's okay and I allow you to possess this crush for as long as you feel it...but you must not make it known to anyone who knows you in real life. Hence why I'm allowing for this entry to be written. But this is where it stops, alright?

If questioned, you just lie. You tell them that you're still battling depression and other mental illnesses. Say you're slowly healing, which isn't a lie really. It's modified truth and it's the option that does minimal damage.

With warmth and hopefulness,

#mental health #online diary #personal journal #depression blogging #self reflection #self growth #friendship #unrequited love

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missvieee · 1 year

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Everything changed when I met him.

My parents fought frequently when I was a child, to the point where they occasionally forced us to pick between them. So it was ingrained in my head as a child to ensure that I was never going to fall in love because I didn't want to experience the sorrow that my parents had. Everyone were constantly telling me that my age was too young to be thinking about such things and that I will fall in love one day. furthermore, guess what? It has happened.

I keep in mind in the midst of 2019, I was paying close attention to what the minister was talking about because it was the day of my baptism, however, I became bored and got started to look around, until I spotted someone so attractive and charming at the exact identical time in the koro, and much to my surprise, he had been staring at me too! I'd never felt this way before, so it was unexpected to me. Then I became shy, turned away, and paid attention to what the minister was saying again.

hadn't seen him in over a year. I assumed it was just a crush at first sight, but I was mistaken. I saw him again following the day I saw him in October of 2020. He became taller and more attractive, and of course, many girls developed crushes on him. On the same day, I discover he is also the son of our new minister , who has recently moved into our church.

Days passed, we have didn’t become friends eventually. I am an introverted one and he get along with anyone. I also kind of hate his attitude because I always do prejudice which is not good. But thanks to my brother, we became friends.

We were inseparable when we immediately became acquainted. People around us would always mention we looked nice together or question if we were in a relationship. But, of course, I got butterflies in my stomach; after all, I've always had a crush on him. We basically ignored everything they said about us because we both knew we were only friends until the day before I took an oath to join the choir.

On March 7, 2021, I was advised to go to the church and fill out the form for my request to join the choir. Because he is also an assistant, he was the one who helped me fill out those forms. After I signed the documents, he asked if I wanted to go stargazing because he knows I enjoy looking at the moon full of stars, so l replied sure. We went to the rear of the church, where it was quiet and cold. I was taking in the scenery until he spoke. He was staring at me, and it made my heart race so quickly that I didn't

know what to do! He took my hands in his and told me he likes me. Of course, was startled; who would have believed that a lovely man like him would appreciate someone like me? It felt weird for him to confess amid the moonlight. We became closer after the confession, and we dated for 5 months before becoming officially dating.

I used to believe that love was a waste of time and that it was unreal since I was a child, but I was proven wrong. I was mistaken in believing that love is merely a game. I understood that love is something you can't live without; it's also something you can't define. Yes, it hurts at times, having never-ending arguments with your partner; but it has come to the point where it will ultimately go away and provide you tranquility; someone you can call your own and home. Love hurts, but it also heals, brings calm, and happiness. I know I’m still young but I'd never been happy until I met him; he's my home.

Submitted to: Ma’am Meden Fadriquila

Submitted by: Joyvie O. Rodriguez

Personal Essay

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aminiatureworld · 3 years

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Etched Words

Characters: Xiao x gn!reader

Word Count: 2,920

Warnings: None

Premise: He'd long given up the idea. No one should be stuck with him, and fate would never be so kind to do so, no so cruel to punish someone in such a way. And yet you'd appeared, and now he didn't know what to do.

In which the reader’s familiarity is written on Xiao’s sleeve.

Author’s Note: Originally wasn’t going to write this tonight since I was afraid of how long this was going to be but oops. I love soulmate AUs, they’re probably the fic that I make up in my head the most, there’s just so much potential for it.

Xiao I’m sorry I’ve neglected a oneshot for you for so long, hope you forgive me and hope everyone who reads this enjoys!

Xiao would never admit the real reason that he was determined to wear a sleeve around one of his arms. Part of it was tradition, he’d worn it since Rex Lapis had first commanded him to fight, and even if those days of war were long forgotten to most the memories still burned bright to him. He couldn’t bring himself to completely lose that legacy, even in terms of what he wore. To those who knew him that was assumed to be the only reason; but every once in a while, when he was perhaps feeling weak enough, Xiao would lift up his sleeve to read the words snaking across his forearm.

What a lovely little bird, don’t you think? Those words haunted him, tearing apart his thoughts for certain lengths of time, filling his head with a sense of resentment and melancholy.

The last thing Xiao wanted was a soulmate. Soulmates were something destined for humans, those who could live life ducking most of its horrors, those who could feel passionately and indulge in the feeling of love without sorrow or guilt. Most important of all humans would never have to experience the feeling of losing one’s soulmate forever, and living on for millennia afterword with only memory and regret to keep them company. It was a curse to give an immortal being a soulmate, especially one such as Xiao, who battled every day with the chains of his past, with the acts he’d committed and the darkness he’d almost fallen into. No one, mortal or immortal, deserved a soulmate such as he, and Xiao for his part thought he didn’t deserve such a curse. Let him deal with his affairs alone, he didn’t want a punishment like this.

Besides, Xiao had long ago come to the conclusion that he was never to meet his soulmate. So long had it been since those words had been etched onto his skin that he was sure they must’ve been the mutterings of someone who’d long passed him by, or someone who’d never managed to say those words at all. After all, being destined to fall in love with someone wasn’t a guarantee that one would live that long, and fate could be so easily twisted and bent. Yes, his soulmate must be long dead. Perhaps they’d been a worshipper of long ago, or perhaps they’d been nothing at all. Perhaps they’d died in one of the wars in which the yaksha had participated in and perhaps they’d lived to a ripe old age, never once uttering that phrase which haunted him. Either way they were dead and gone, and Xiao didn’t want the reminder of that. He certainly didn’t want others to know, to look down upon him with pity.

So he kept it hidden, and though the words sometimes haunted him at least he had the certainty that they would never be spoken in his presence. Even if a small part of him doubted, and hoped for a miracle.

------

There was a new guest and the Wangshu Inn, and one that was most likely going to be staying for a while. Or so Xiao heard that morning as Verr Goldet checked on the breakfast and made the rounds. He liked Goldet, respected her for her ethic and her wry sense of humor, even if he loathed it being turned upon himself. She was intensely practical in nature, and always had a sense of what was important and what was ultimately not. So the mention of a new and mysterious guest stuck with him the whole day, and though he spent most of his time away from the Inn, he couldn’t help but turn Goldet’s words over in his mind, wondering if they would truly turn out as important as she made them seem.

It had been a busy day for Xiao, as Liyue was still reeling from its attempted destruction and negotiations between the adepti and the Qixing were long and arduous. The meal afterwards was even more so and if it weren’t for the traveler Xiao most likely wouldn’t’ve attended in the first place. By the time he made his way back to his usual spot on the balcony of the Inn he was tired and irritable, so much so that he only noticed he wasn’t invisible when you spoke after him, and after that he was too far gone to really register that fact.

“What a lovely little bird, don’t you think?” You were leaning on the railing, staring up at a nightingale, who was chirping away. “They’re so cute aren’t they, and they have such a classical sort of call. It’s really so peaceful.” You sighed for a moment, a sigh of contentment, and once more focused your gaze back to Xiao, smiling a slightly embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry the familiarity, I don’t believe I’ve met you yet.”

It was more of a question than a statement, but at that point Xiao could barely process what you’d just said, and the question itself was lost in the swirl of emotions he felt. Disbelief and shock were the primary emotions, for who could imagine you were real and not a figment of his imagination, but there were other emotions too; longing, frustration, fear, guilt. They all mingled together, reminding him of why he’d both longed for a moment like this and wished for it never to come. And now it was here, here and all too much. Letting out a gasp of breath that meant nothing at all Xiao vanished into the night, cheeks burning with shame as a part of him cried out that he’d just made the greatest mistake of his life.

At first Xiao had planned to avoid the Inn completely, to wait until he knew you were gone and then try to get back the semblance of normalcy that had been completely destroyed. He quickly realized however that it would be impossible to do so. The Inn had become a sort of refuge for Xiao, a familiar place where he could listen to the soft sounds of humanity in the evening and of the wilderness at night, where he didn’t have to worry about sudden changes in weather or running into treasure hoarders or monsters. Besides he’d underestimated the power of meeting one’s soulmate. And by the next morning Xiao was sure that he was going to finally drive himself to insanity if he didn’t go back and see you.

Not that you were there when he returned, for the sun was up and you’d already packed your things, going off to do whatever you did in the daytime. The hours stretched on and on for Xiao, but he attempted to busy himself by walking along the familiar valleys of Jueyun Karst, the familiar atmosphere grounding him as best it could while his mind spun this way and that.

You were real. You were alive and you had spoken to him and you were real. If the feeling of wanting to know you had suddenly appeared then so too had the feeling of overwhelming loneliness, a sudden realization of how dreary, how heavy all the years of his life had been. Xiao had acquaintances, allies, even friends, but those bonds had faded long ago, made weak by death or war or even the long peace that existed now. Even if he was grateful for the peace, he knew that it had made him lonely; all the adepti stayed within their domains and Rex Lapis had disappeared into the city, a place Xiao could never imagine dwelling in. There were humans of course, pilgrims, thieves, the curious mixing with the pious, mixing with the lost. But they were separate from him, and he had long ago developed a total disinterest in regards to most of their requests. He protected Liyue, not the interests of its citizens. And even if he had wished to mingle with them he knew that it would most likely bring them only despair, as curses clung to him and no matter how much he tried he’d never be able to exorcise them.

And yet you were human. Only now the thought truly cemented itself in Xiao’s mind. You were human, of course you were human. Fate would never be so kind as to simply drop you at his doorsteps, smiling and willing to talk and immortal on top of it; no you’d been born mortal, and in that fact Xiao saw only ruin. He might very well destroy you, for though he’d not truly spent enough time with mortals to see the long term effects of his karma might be, he could hardly imagine it to be pleasant. Even if he didn’t kill you time would. And then where would he be? If he already felt somewhat attached to you now, how would he feel then, after you’d truly gotten to know one another? The idea terrified Xiao so completely that for a moment he felt as if he was drowning. You were human. Why were you human.

Despite this Xiao couldn’t help but feel some sense of relief, even happiness, when you appeared on the balcony again that evening. You leaned against the railing for a bit, but eventually grew tired and went inside. Xiao’s disappointment however was negated when you came back, a chair in one hand a book in the other. Sitting down you opened the book on your lap, but instead of reading it you stared out into the night. And, eventually, you began to speak.

“The innkeeper tells me that what happened yesterday was normal. I’m so sorry I scared you in that way, or perhaps that I approached you so casually. I hadn’t realized you were an adeptus you see, although perhaps that was a stupid mistake on my part, as you hardly seem like a normal person. I’m sorry either way. She also told me that you were often up here in the evenings, so hopefully I’m not talking to myself.” You let out an embarrassed sort of laugh, Xiao loved nothing so much as your laugh in that moment, before continuing. “I don’t know if I’m talking to myself right now, but I do have something for you. I found it on my way here, and though it’s probably common enough here I thought it was pretty. I hope you like it.”

The next day nothing had moved from where you’d left it, and to your disappointment the Qingxin had gotten utterly soaked in the morning rain.

Xiao knew he should say something, knew that it was incredibly rude to leave your gift untouched. But he couldn’t help it, couldn’t break down the walls that he’d built up for so long. Not that he could completely stay away either. It’d become a routine of some sorts, to come back to the Inn each night and listen to you speak. You were always there, even when the heat became near unbearable or when you came back so late that it was closer to sunrise than sunset. Even then you still spared at least ten minutes to talk into the dark. Xiao wasn’t sure why you were doing so, although he somewhat suspected Goldet in the matter, nor could he tell why you were waiting for him, being hardly versed in the idea of soulmates and unsure whether you’d realized it or not. Regardless of how or why, the tradition still continued, Xiao silent, you filling said silence with words or laughter or sighs. And at least once a week there was a gift. Though Xiao never touched it and eventually Goldet would come and collect it or it would scatter in the wind.

“I have an idea!” Your voice was filled with excitement today and, as if to match it, you’d abandoned the chair, instead bouncing up and down slightly on your toes as you stared out into the sky. “I’m going to do something for you tomorrow, okay. So be sure not to come back until after sunset, or it won’t be a surprise.”

At first Xiao had been completely set on ruining your surprise, after all he disliked being thrown off guard, and you were hardly close enough an acquaintance for him to consider making an exception. The knowledge that the latter half of his reasoning was completely his fault however managed to keep him away, though he stubbornly refused to come back until a half an hour after sunset.

The balcony was the same as ever, and at first Xiao wondered if you’d hadn’t given up on whatever you’d been scheming. However he quickly became aware of what the surprise was when you came into view, a slightly bashful smile on your face and a plate of Almond Tofu in your lap instead of the usual book or weapon when it needed cleaning.

For once Xiao didn’t think about how Goldet had definitely tipped you off, or how he shouldn’t talk to you, or how you were so oddly persistent. He felt his invisibility fall off of him, as if he’d shed a coat or a second skin. Footsteps causing the wood to creak slightly he watched as you jumped for a moment, having obviously been daydreaming, before smiling widely.

“I’ve heard you like Almond Tofu!” You smiled, reaching the plate out towards the yaksha. Silently taking it Xiao stepped back a bit. You did nothing in response to the gesture, merely sitting there, hands folded in your lap and face full of anticipation.

The dish tasted wonderful, perfectly sweet and melty it seemed somewhat distinct, although why Xiao couldn’t really tell. Eating piece after piece he savored the flavor, for it’d really been quite a long time since he’d been offered Almond Tofu, and whether it was your cooking style or the fact you were the chef he couldn’t help but feel as this batch had come out better than the rest. Xiao couldn’t help himself. Looking up at you he let out a soft smile.

“I’m glad you like it!” You exclaimed, face bright with triumph. Standing up you walked slowly over towards Xiao, hand once more reaching out to take the plate. Instead of letting you take it however Xiao walked into the Inn and placed it on the nearest table. Coming out onto the balcony once more he crossed his arms.

“If you stay close to me you’ll die.”

This, instead of having any sort of negative effect on you, instead caused your eyes to widen, and your smile with it. Bouncing up and down once more you giggled slightly.

“So it really is you.” And, before Xiao could say anything, you turned around, hiking up the sleeve on one of your shoulders. Xiao didn’t need to lean in to make out the spidery lettering that trailed down towards your forearm. He wasn’t surprised in what he saw. If you stay close to me you’ll die.

Honestly, what does one do in a situation like this? Xiao couldn’t tell, having so long abandoned hope of something like this happening. Yet even while his mind reeled once more from the confirmation his legs didn’t. Stepping softly towards you, slightly weary, he reached out and traced the letters on the back of your shoulder, as if trying to convince himself it was real.

“May I see yours?” You said, turning around suddenly. Although your question was direct your tone had somewhat softened, and a slight blush dusted you cheeks. Nodding Xiao lifted up his sleeve, and your fingers ghosted over your words in turn. “I never knew what to think of those words, once I become aware of them,” you smiled softly, “but I’m so glad now I’ve found out.”

“They’re true.” Xiao spoke firmly, fear at the forefront of his thoughts. “You don’t know my past, my burden. Fate hasn’t been kind to you, and I might very well kill you.”

“I’ve read about your supposed curses.” You replied, leaning towards him slightly despite his words. “But you said ‘might very well’ not definitely. And besides,” you shrugged, “I want to trust in fate.”

“Why?” Xiao let out a bitter laugh. “Fate is hardly kind.”

“I don’t know, it brought me to my soulmate after all. If fate were so cruel, surely it would never do such a thing.”

“You’re acting reckless.” The words might’ve been a rebuke but Xiao couldn’t find it in him to be harsh. How much he’d underestimated what it’d be like to meet one’s soulmate. Well, he’d never do so again.

“Perhaps, but I’d like to stay and get to know you better regardless.” You stared at him, eyes both somehow piercing and soft. They were beautiful, your eyes, Xiao could drown in them and hardly notice.

“Very well.” Perhaps not the kindness of concessions, but nevertheless you smiled. Pausing for a moment you reached up and wrapped your arms around him. After a moment Xiao returned the gesture, too caught up in your gentle grasp to want to resist.

Was fate kind? Xiao couldn’t tell. He’d been so sure he’d never find a partner, never some he could call his home, his anchor. And yet it had come to pass, and though Xiao was afraid, so desperately afraid, he also was hopeful. How could he not be? The last thing Xiao had wanted was a soulmate, but now that he’d met you, he never wanted to be without you again.

Both your phrases faded over time. But your love never did.

#first time trying beta posting #hopefully it goes well #this is so self-indulgent #xiao #xiao x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #oneshot #my writing

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