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poisonous-honey · 3 months

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Soul Crushing Guilt

(This is a re-upload: Originally posted to UniverseUchu on December 2nd, 2022)

You've treated them all like toys. In your defence this was just another video game to you a couple of weeks ago, but they're actually real with thoughts and feelings of their own. You don't know how to feel.

Who’s Here! Venti

Contains: isekai reader, Self Aware Genshin (not the Cult SAGAU), Insecurities (reader), Hurt/Comfort I guess it’s called

Note: I will say this takes place in the middle of a story, but it works on its own and I really liked how this turned out. I do have more written, but it's incomprehensible (even after a whole year it's still incomprehensible lmao)

Sitting on the cliffside of Starsnatch is not where you intended to be at this time, but your soul crushing guilt and insecurities have led you here. You needed to be away from all the positivity from everyone in Mondstadt. Their kindness was only worsening your mood. Staring over the edge, lost deep inside your head, you almost miss the way the wind whirls around you before you hear the one person you wanted to avoid the most right now.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Why’d you leave without saying anything? Everyone back at Mond is worried, you know.”

You don’t say anything in response and let Venti walk up and sit next to you. You both stay silent and watch the waves crash onto the beach. Venti occasionally takes glances in your direction, but for the most part his eyes are on the scenery. After a few minutes, he tries asking you again.

“I know you told us that we aren’t overwhelming you, but please, if we actually are-”

“That’s not the reason I left Venti.”

“Then what is it?”

Silence is all that greets him. “Please, we just want you to be comfortable with us. We can’t help if we don’t know.”

Hearing him say that only makes you feel more guilty. They’re all so nice to you, and for what? The pressure and the guilt keeps building and building the more you stay here. Everyone’s been so understanding and kind, but all you’ve done before is use them any which way. You’ve judged them for superficial reasons and have even gotten them killed on numerous occasions. Venti showing up and putting the blame on himself and the others like they’re the reason you left just adds onto your shame as tears start to escape your eyes.

Upon seeing your eyes water, Venti slightly panics. “W-Wait, why are you crying!? I’m sorry for whatever-”

“Venti please stop.”

You turn to look Venti in the eyes, and see the panic and worry etched onto his face. It only makes you feel worse.

“Venti… Why are you here? Why do you keep following me?’ You look away from him, trying to keep from balling on the spot. ‘Why are you so nice to me?”

Hearing this, Venti’s face slowly scrunches in confusion. “What do you mean? Of course, I’m going to be nice to you. Where is this coming from?”

“You were conscious the entire time I was playing. I used you all like you were dolls for my amusement. After I got you, didn’t you feel like I was holding you captive or-or like some sort of toy forced to do my bidding? I don’t understand why no one hates me! I feel so guilty of everything I’ve said and done, but everyone’s apologizing to me like they’re in the wrong, and I don’t get it! Especially you! As the God of Freedom, don’t you hate me for taking away your own freedom from you? I just don’t understand… So why…” Unable to continue, you look away as you try to wipe your eyes and wait for Venti to finally tell you he hates you. That he’s going to stop pretending and get up and leave you alone. In your mind you know he would never, that's not who he is, but fear and anxiety is irrational.

Your breath hitches as you feel his hands land on your cheeks and turn your head to look at him. Instead of the disgust or apathy your heart was expecting, Venti’s face is filled with sorrow.

“I can’t believe you would think so low of me.’ He looks downwards and wipes away a few tears with his thumbs before looking back at you with nothing but care. ‘I guess from your point of view that’s a reasonable assumption to make, but you seem to be forgetting one key detail.”

You stare at him as he proceeds to give you the smuggest look you’ve ever seen on him. “I came home extremely early on my banner, didn’t I?”

What he’s saying doesn’t make any sense to you. He’s already treating you extremely differently than you anticipated, and now his question is putting your already malfunctioning brain into overdrive. What did his banner have to do with anything?

“What? Venti I-I don’t understand. What are you trying to…’ Finally, it all starts to click into place as your eyes widen, and his stupid grin gets larger. ‘You… Did you influence the banner wishes???”

Venti laughs joyously as he lets go of your face. His eyes sparkle like he’s recounting the best moment of his life.

“Why yes, I did! I actually got in a lot of trouble for that! It's part of the reason you lost the next 50/50, but I couldn’t miss the chance to join your team. I refused to wait another second.”

“But why? I still don’t under-”

“I have the freedom to make my own choices, do I not? I wanted to join your team, so I did.”

His expression changes from smug to such a soft look. You have a hard time believing it is being directed at you.

“Why, yes, I may be the God of Freedom, but I’m also simply one of the many characters this game has to offer. I’m one of your many characters in particular. And out of such a colourful cast of individuals, I was your favourite. To be the reason someone even downloaded our game in the first place sends me over the moon. For everyone else, you still give their lives a purpose and have earned everyone’s respect. Sure, you might be a bit crass, but even when you were rude or made a mistake, you still treated everyone with more care than necessary. I especially could feel and hear the level of adoration you had for me through the screen. To me, there’s nothing I want more than to travel by your side for as long as you’ll have me.”

Such a heartwarming and earnest speech from Venti has your eyes start to water again. Not all of your insecurities and guilt have been lifted, you don’t think that kind of guilt will be something you can get rid of, but with Venti here…

“You’re allowed to stay for as long as you want.”

He cups your cheeks again while looking straight into your eyes.

“Then till death do we part, my dear player.”

You break down and cry as Venti pulls you in for a hug. With Venti by your side, you know he’ll help you through your guilt with as much care and love as you’ve given him.

#sagau #self aware genshin #Venti x reader #Genshin x reader #x reader #self-indulgence ftw baby #I don’t know if I’m going to post more of this #If I am I’ll make a header to organize just a little bit #I really love what I have #but I’d need to heavily edit it because what I actually have written down is nigh incomprehensible #Pois.Posts #Pois.Writes

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hearts-hunger · 1 year

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Read on AO3 | Masterlist

Summary: You and Josh celebrate Valentine's Day. || Standalone fic in the Cabin Fever universe

Pairings: Josh Kiszka x Reader | Genre: Fluff | Word Count: 2.1k | Warnings: None!

A/N: Happy day after Valentine's! Sorry I didn't get this out yesterday, but I hope it's cute enough to make up for it! ♡

You stood outside the studio in the chilly February evening, watching the street lamps come on as you waited for your boyfriend. Josh and the boys had been working long days in the studio; today was no exception, even with it being Valentine's Day. You understood that they had work to get done, and you were happy to be patient and have your celebration with Josh when he was done.

Still, you hadn't been able to resist showering him with little treats throughout the day. You’d brought him and the boys red and pink frosted donuts that morning, and you'd brought Josh’s favorite takeout for lunch in the afternoon. You’d texted him love notes as he worked, and he’d responded to your most recent one with a kissy face and almost done in here, be out soon; you watched the door eagerly and imagined what sort of plans Josh would have for the rest of your night.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the door opened and Josh came out looking for you. He was happy to see you, and you felt a glow in your chest as he came over to you with a big, sweet smile. He didn’t say anything, just took your in a tight bear hug and gave a long, contented sigh.

“Hi, baby,” he said after a moment. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, honey.” You pulled back just enough to give him a kiss. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He grinned. “Happy Valentine's Day,” he said. “You want to see what I got you?”

You nodded, watching with excitement as he pulled something out of his jacket pocket. He presented his gift to you with a boyish smile.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said. In his hand was a singular, pink, heart-shaped lollipop.

“Oh,” you said, before you could stop yourself. You tried to quiet the part of you that was a little disappointed; you didn’t need anything for Valentine’s to know Josh loved you, and it was a sweet gesture even if it was a little... simple.

“You don’t like it?” he asked.

You looked up at him. “Oh, no, I love it,” you said quickly. You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“It’s pink lemonade,” he said, and you could tell he was regretting his choice of gift. “Just like you like.”

“It is my favorite flavor,” you agreed.

He fished in his pocket and pulled out another one.

“I have one for me too,” he said. “I thought...” He rubbed the back of his neck, bashful, and you took pity on your poor boyfriend who only thought to get you a lollipop for Valentine’s.

“You thought what?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I thought it would be nice to sit out here on the sidewalk like we always do and talk for a little bit. And have lollipops.” He gave you a smile that was more of a grimace. “I dropped the ball pretty hard on this one, huh?”

Your smile was fond and forgiving. “No, honey. I think that sounds wonderful. Thank you for thinking of it.” Even if you had been imagining more than one piece of candy, you liked the idea of sitting and talking for a while.

You sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, tugging on his hand to get him to sit next to you. He did, holding his hand out to take your lollipop wrapper when you opened it.

“Let me take a picture,” you said, holding your lollipop out in front of you. “Hold yours up too.”

He did, and you snapped a picture of the pink and red candies in the light of the warm street lamp. You turned your phone towards him.

“Big smile,” you said.

He gave you a beaming grin. “Big smile!”

You laughed and took the picture, knowing you’d cherish that one as long as you lived. Josh was your sunshine no matter what, and his smile never failed to draw one out from you.

You put your phone away and leaned close for a kiss. He gave you a goofy muah.

“A real one,” you giggled.

He smiled and kissed you properly, slow and deep and sugary-sweet. “I love you, baby.”

You draped your arm over his shoulder and played with his hair while you caught your breath.

“I love you too, Josh,” you said softly. “And I love my Valentine’s gift. Just being with you is perfect.”

He kissed you again for a long while, and even after he asked you to tell him how your day was, he often interrupted you with soft kisses. When your lollipops were gone, you shared the last American Spirit in his pack; you talked and laughed on the sidewalk like you used to do before you were dating, just enjoying each other’s company. You’d spent countless hours out here in front of the studio as friends, both of you flirting with each other but too afraid to make a move; as much as you’d loved it then, you loved it even more now that you were a couple.

“You ready to head home?” Josh asked after a while. “I’ll make dinner.”

“Pizza, please,” you said.

He grinned. “Now, who could have guessed that?” Though Josh would readily admit that his twin had taken most of the talent in the cooking department, everyone agreed that Josh’s homemade pizza was unmatched, and you often asked him to make it for you.

He took your hand as he stood, the two of you walking together to where you’d parked the Jeep. Josh let you pick the music as he drove home, and you put on Aerie.

“You have excellent taste in music,” Josh said. “Whoever turned you on to John Denver must be a musical genius.”

You lightly punched his shoulder. “Musical genius, huh?”

He laughed. “Yeah. Wouldn’t you say so?”

You leaned your head against his arm. “Yeah, I’d say so.”

Josh sang or hummed along at various points; as you always did, you loved to listen to his voice.

“John Denver’s version of this song is better than the original,” Josh said confidently when “Everyday” came on. “The way he plays with the cadence, makes it folksy — listen.”

You smiled as you looked over at him. You’d heard the song plenty of times, but you liked to watch Josh feel the music as he sang it.

“Love like yours will surely come my way,” he sang, each note warm with admiration for the style of one of his favorite musicians. “Love like ours will sure be here to stay.”

You played with his free hand, running your fingers over his knuckles. “You’re right. His version is better.”

Josh smiled over at you. “That’s my girl.”

When you arrived home, Josh declined your offer to help him get his things out of the back of the car.

“You go on inside,” he said. “It’s only one or two things I have to grab.”

You did as he said, happy to be home; you unlocked the front door and slipped your shoes off before you came into the living room.

“Oh!”

The living room of your apartment was decorated top to bottom in festive, tasteful decorations put up with careful attention to detail. Dozens of hand-cut construction paper hearts were taped to the walls; polaroids of you and Josh were interspersed among them, each one a sweet or goofy moment from the past six months since you’d started dating. Glittery balloons and red streamers trailing down from the ceiling framed the nest of pillows and blankets carefully set up around a cutting board full of snacks and a bottle of wine. White fairy lights crisscrossed overhead, giving the whole scene a soft, cosy glow.

You ran back outside and fairly tackled Josh with a hug. He laughed as he caught you against him.

“What’s this for?” he teased.

“Oh, you —! Joshua Kiszka, I can’t stand you sometimes!” You pulled him down for a kiss. “And you let me believe you got me a lollipop for Valentine’s.”

He chuckled. “I did, didn’t I? I just forgot to mention all the other stuff I got you.”

He went inside with you, and he wore a bashful but pleased smile when you gushed over how pretty it looked and how much you loved the effort he’d gone to.

“You like it?” he asked, taking you in his arms.

You beamed up at him. “I love it. Thank you, Josh.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart.” He kissed your nose. “Stay here for just one minute, okay?”

You smiled. “What now?”

He smirked. “I guess you’ll just have to be patient, now won’t you?”

He went down the hall to your bedroom, and you had a few chocolate-covered strawberries while you waited for him to come back.

“Bath’s almost ready for you, baby,” Josh said when he returned. “I put out some pajamas for you on the bed, too.”

“Thank you,” you said, touched that he’d done even more for you even after all this.

He smiled. “You’re welcome, love. Why don’t you go unwind for a while, and I’ll get started on your pizza, hm?”

You kissed him again before you left, and you listened to him singing the same song from the drive home as he started making dinner — come what may, do you ever long for true love from me? You went into the bathroom, your heart wobbling as you saw he’d left you dozens of red sticky notes in the shape of a heart on the mirror, each one bearing a handwritten note.

To my beloved, the middle one read in his messy, lovely handwriting. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

He’d set the tub to fill, and while you waited you read each note where he told you how beautiful you were and how much he loved you. The tub was bedecked with candles and rose-petal bath salts, and you sank into the luxuriously warm water when it was ready.

After a few minutes, you heard a knock on the door. “Baby?”

“Come in,” you said, and you smiled when Josh peeked around the door.

“I brought you some wine,” he said. He came in and handed you a glass, clinking his own against it. “Bajabule.”

You smiled up at him. “Can you stay for a minute?”

“Oh, if you insist,” he teased. He sat on the edge of the tub, and you took a moment to admire him in the candlelight. He looked cosy and warm in his soft white sweater, his cheeks rosy from the heat of the bath, and his curls shone gold as he ran his hand through them.

“Thank you for doing all this for me,” you said.

He grinned. “You’re very welcome, baby. I almost caved earlier, at the studio — you looked so sad that I’d only gotten you one single lollipop. I wanted to tell you so bad.”

You gave a soft laugh. “I didn’t mean to be unhappy,” you said. “I would have loved it even if that’s all you’d done.”

He leaned down to kiss you, and you touched a hand to his jaw.

“I love you,” he said gently.

“I love you too.”

He kissed you languidly for a few moments, then gave you a last, reluctant-to-leave kiss.

“Let me go make sure your pizza’s not burning,” he said. “We can watch a movie or something when you’re ready.”

“Our movie?” you asked.

He chuckled. “Sure, baby.”

When you’d gotten out of the tub and dressed in the cosy pajamas Josh set out for you, you went back out to the living room to join him for dinner. The two of you watched Dirty Dancing as you ate; when the pizza was gone, you shared the snacks and opened the second bottle of wine.

By the end of the movie, both of you were giggly and flushed, steadily getting more tipsy and more handsy with each other. Josh was singing “now I’ve had the time of my life,” in a deep, exaggerated voice; you laughed and moved close to him, peppering his face with kisses.

“Did you have a good Valentine's Day, baby?” he asked, his smile warm against your cheek as he kissed you.

“Of course I did,” you said. You straddled his waist and loved the way his cheeks pinked as he looked up at you with love and desire.

“I think I know the perfect way to end it,” you said, carding your hands through his hair. “What do you think?”

He sighed against your mouth. “I think you’ve got some killer ideas, baby.”

His hands wandered over you, wanting and gentle and speaking of his love for you in more than words. This had been what you wanted for Valentine's Day, and though you loved and cherished Josh’s kindness to you, you knew you would have been happy just to be close to him.

You cradled his face in your hands and kissed him.

“I love you, Josh,” you said. “Happy Valentine's Day.”

He smiled and kissed you back. “Happy Valentine's Day, baby. I love you too.”

gvf taglist: @gvfrry @ohhey1293 @the-chaotic-cow @mountain-in-springtime @xserenax-13 @stardustjtk @brooke-gvf @weightofdreams-gvf @jakeydoesit @gretasmokerising @loofypoofy @hayley1623 @doodle417 @finestoflines @brokenbellz @bowievanfleet @s0livagant @trplshotofdopamine @strugglingtodoshit @deadbeat-z @s-u-t @kay-jordan @gretavanfleas @jakeyboiiiiiii @gretavansteph @gretavanbitches @myownparadise96 @luverleaver @weightofdreamz @greatervanfleet @maedesculpaeusoubi @jakekiszkasbestie @pineapple-photographer @baguettejuliette @alexxavicry @levi-wants-ur-bones @carlybubs @cowboysamkiszka @dannyandthekiszkas

sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here!

#here's your late valentine's gift i hope you love it 🫶🏻#also trying out something new for the header! :)#josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka fluff #gvf fanfiction #gvf fluff #greta van fleet fanfiction #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh x baby #cabin fever fics #maddie writes stuff!

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