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theosconfessions · 1 day

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The Miscellaneous questions for River and his man/child, i mean husband.

i actually loled haha!! thank you for asking, love.

MISCELLANEOUS: Is money a problem? River: its not. i think we're lucky that blake got drafted and makes a good amount of money playing football. we literally got married while we were still in high school and a good majority of kids that do that are NOT in the same position we're in right now.

How many cars do they own?

Blake: we own two. one for riv to take the kids around when im not home and one for me to take to practice/games all that stuff.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Blake: DUDEEEE if my apartment couldve magically grown with every kid we had ..then i would still be renting. good memories in that place

River: better memories in a place where we actually have room for kids..and me.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

Blake: we're balls deep in suburbia right now. his parents live out in the country and FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

River: suburbs ..for now.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? River: i was fucking DYING in that apartment. i think having the house kinda gives me space so i dont really necessarily feel like im suffocating.

Blake: you feel like your suffocating?

River: in your man cave apartment i did yeah.

What’s their song? Blake: i gotta do it' so high school'-taylor swift

What do they do when they’re away from each other? River: we dont constantly text eachother but little pics through the day i think. gives us time to be you know separate people and lets us enjoy whatever we're doing at the moment without being glued to our phone all the time.

Blake: i demand sexy riv pics every night im away [smirks]

River: demands a strong word.

Blake: you know what i mean. i APPRECIATE sexy riv pics every night.

River: dude. looking like a douchebag.

Where did they first meet? Blake: we went to school together [smirks] friends first.

How did they first meet? Blake: we were in the same gym class and he fucking PELTED me with a dodgeball man. love at first sight. for me.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Blake : *points to riv*

River: treats.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? River: oh my god blake. he does it during games. FINED ALL OF THE TIME.

Blake: worth it [smirks]

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? River: me. hes not coordinated at all. youd think he would be but....

Any mental issues? Blake: oh god yeah. i mean...

River: i have depression. the past years been kinda.. i dont know. but i am doing better. im getting better

Blake: my boy.

Who’s terrified of bugs? River: i think both of us? fuck that shit.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Blake: Nellie

River: definitely Nellie.

Their favourite place? Blake: [smirks] theres this little ranch up in chestnut ridge. i love taking him there. just me him. no kids.

River:thats a good place [smirks]

Who pays the bills? Blake [raises hand] and proud of that shit

Do they have any fears for their future? River: i think that...we went through a lot of rough stuff in our separation and i just..do not want to go through that again. i think we're on a good path right now and i want to stay on that path

Blake: i think what riv said yeah. the last thing we both wanted when we were having problems was a divorce. and its something i do not want. i guess thats my fear for my future. i just wanna be good for him. i know i wasnt in the past.im trying to be now.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Blake: me for SURE.

Who uses up all of the hot water? Blake: again me for SURE. but he can crash the shower whenever

River: me time,babe.

Who’s the tallest? Blake: me. rivers a short shit.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? River:thats definitely blake. i LOVE showering alone but hey.

Blake: wont turn down that DICK.

River: gross.

Who wanders around in their underwear? River: [points to blake] he hasnt learned.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Blake: River for sure.he has a pretty voice though. love to hear that shit.

What do they tease each other about? River: i like to tease him over how much of a pussy he was for me back in our first starting dating days

Blake: i cried after we fucked for the first time. for real. and id do it again.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? River: me. blakes taste is .....

Do they have mutual friends? River: not anymore.

Who crushed first? Blake: oh me for sure. unless riv is about to say something i didnt know

River: i never really considered that AT ALL until you kissed me that one day. you werent on my radar at all i was so into my girlfriend at the time

Blake:until ....

Any alcohol or substance related problems? River: no we both quit that stuff when teddie came along.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Blake: we are good boys [smirks]

Who swears the most?

River: i think me and its purely because of my dads influence i swear to god.

#the stephens continued #river stephens #blake donovan #asks

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reiderwriter · 7 months

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Hello!!If you were part of the writers on criminal minds,what would you have done differently when it came to the romantic relationships of it all and whats your opinion on some of the ships?Which would you erase and which are your favorites?I'm willing to read as much details and analysis you are willing to give on this lmao😂I loved the analysis on Reids sexual evolution season by season and am really curious on what you think on the ships like Reid and JJ,Reid Lila,Reid and Maeve,Reid and Elle😂Personally I would have created a diffrent character as a love interest for him all together.

This is practically an essay so I'm just going to apologise in advance of this. I'm not going to say I'd change much because the end product we got is my favorite show for a reason but yes, here is me talking about all the romantic relationships I can think of in CM and my opinions on them!

(Spoilers for season 1-15 of CM, CME, and season 8 of NCIS - yeah that's how long this post is).

Reid Ships

I think Reid ships are the ones most people have issues with in Criminal Minds so I'm going to start here with personal headcanons and my personal highlights. It's going to become clear that my biggest pet peeve in CM is when the writers want to give the characters a love interest and then just gender-bend their personalities, so let's start with Maeve and Spencer.

I've already talked at length in other posts about how I think the Maeve/ Zugzwang plotline wasn't my favorite. It was some amazing acting from MGG and Beth Reisgraf, but personally, I think it suffered from "serialized cop drama" plot line status. This show airs week after week with another case to solve in 45 minutes and they don't have the time or the format to pause through moments that in a standard drama would be very impactful.

To go on a slight tangent, that is partially why the relationships between the main cast are usually the only ones developed very well over extended arcs (I'll return to this when I talk about Jeid).

So, when you're trying to have an emotionally resonant moment, and you only have a handful of cold opens and one full episode to do it, you're going to have to make the characters motivations, personalities and back stories mesh in a way that makes you think: "holy shit they're perfect together."

Maeve and Spencer aren't that. I hate to use this term, but Maeve is like a manic pixie dream girl for Spencer? She's written as if she's too good to be true, which is why we're supposed to feel so sad when she dies. But they also tried to make her a complex character and didn't have the time to really do it, which is why we're given a back story that makes no fucking sense (as Spencer's DOCTOR no less) and some hints that she probably doesn't feel the same way as Spencer does for her (fiancé she never told him about etc.)

When Spencer's character starts evolving in later seasons to being more than just a genius, but a genius with trauma, they pull a similar stunt with Cat Adams/ Max

The show runner Erica Messer did mention that the Maeve plotline was always designed to be a three act plot: she's introduced, Spencer is in love with her, she dies. But, in my opinion, we didn't get enough of an introduction to her for me to feel really all that bad about it? They banked a lot on the audiences attachment to Reid, so when you feel bad about Maeve's death it's all about Reid - why do bad things keep happening to HIM, I wonder how HE will get through it - when she is the one who was just murdered. Those kind of dynamics always kind of throw me in romantic relationships.

I'm going to be clear, I do not ship Cat Adams and Reid either and I have pretty much no opinion on Max other than that if she were real I'd probably avoid her (teachers who hate teaching and blame the kids are weird! And I'm a teacher so I can say that I think lol).

Cat Adams is girl-Reid if he had a villain arc. She's 100% again there to push Reid's character development, and she's used as an action rather than a character. Max is the same. In season 15, with the entire team at a crossroads, they have to allow Reid two outs: one villain arc where he gives into his lust for Cat Adams, and one happy ending where he gets to start something with someone who is totally normal and a way out of the BAU the way Savannah was for Morgan. But it can't be as easy for Reid, and that's why we're left with the Cat/Max dilemma because he is really attracted to Cat, despite the fact that she was threatening to end the lives of members of Max's family.

By the end of the show, Reid had been actively on the team the most out of all the cast members (bar Penelope, but she wasn't out on cases first hand, so there's not as much emotional baggage there for her). He can't have an easy exit, so I kind of view this "love triangle" bullshit as a metaphor for Spencer choosing a normal life vs a continuation with the BAU.

Which is why I think that if CME continues, I think we're unlikely to see or hear from Max, because that means he's picked the BAU.

Okay now, not to sound like a broken record but, Jeid:

Before Truth or Dare, there is one single suggestion of Jeid being a possibility and it's a suggestion, from Gideon of all people, in season 1. It is CRAZY to me that after thirteen seasons they just decided to develop that one plotline again because jesus CHRIST.

My main problem with Jeid is that, actually, I think it had a lot of potential. Like I said, serialized dramas only have time to develop relationships between their main cast members, which is why we end up with a pseudo-found-family vibe no matter who happens to be on the team at any given point. A lot of similar dramas go down the route of coworker/ team mate relationships (think Ziva and DiNozzo in NCIS or Mulder and Scully in The X Files).

There was absolutely the potential for an opposites attract relationship with Jeid, but I think the minute they abandoned that after that small dialogue we got something WAY FUCKING BETTER. Their friendship is entirely underrated, Spencer regularly babysits her kid, she comforts him after Emily "dies," enough for them to have arguments about it after the fact. Your honor they are SIBLINGS. That is UNCLE SPENCER. Not your future step-dad.

When they decided to commit to JJ and Will, they should've stuck to it, and as a big fan of the Season 7 finale + Hit and Run it is very shitty seeing them trying to retcon both of these characters amazing developments and growth over 14 seasons and have them regress to shit tier versions of their Season 1 selves.

"But Kacie, there must be some Spencer relationships you like," I hear you ask. And there ARE:

Lila Archer is a great foil for Spencer. She has a happy, glamorous life until their paths cross, and then we can assume from dialogue in season 6 that she continues having a pretty fucking glamorous life after everything goes down. I don't think Spencer works best with characters that are traumatised or overly smart the way he is, because he needs something to return to after the cases that switch off that part of him, to help him forget the horrifying shit he sees on the job.

So Lila Archer was kind of a great love interest.

Another one that I'm so annoyed they didn't explore more is Austin. She's the bartender in the Season 4 Episode "52 Pickup" that is charmed by Spencer's card tricks. She is never mentioned again, but they had a great chemistry, she was quick on her feet and managed to spot the unsub first, and she was a really great foil for Spencer as well; it was a street smarts/ book smarts kind of dynamic. If they'd carried that character forward and had her reappear a few times, it could've been a great romantic plot.

I will just quickly note that the reason we most likely didn't see many romantic plots for Reid was because Matthew Gray Gubler didn't like the idea of giving him a romantic plotline, stating that there were so many more interesting things to do with the character - and he's right!

I'm a fanfiction writer, and the allure of characters like Spencer Reid is they are mostly romantic clean slates - you can write whatever you want for them within reason without having to disregard canon relationships. This is why similarly, Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Venom, and young "Marauders" fanfictions are pretty popular here imo too - canon compliance isn't disregarded, the reader is just written in. So I don't think I'd change a thing for Spencer to be honest (apart from maybe not kill Maeve off and give her the actual villain arc, but I say that so regularly I'm beginning to sound like a broken record).

Also I'll just quickly mention Elle because you mentioned her - outside of fanfiction there are literally zero hints (imo) of a thing between Elle and Reid lmao there's more of a case to be made for Elle and Morgan, but for some reason, writers and fans alike don't like committing to giving Morgan more than simply platonic connections. THEY SHOULD!! THE MAN IS SEXY AS HELL!!!!!!! GIVE ME A MORGAN WHO IS REGULARLY FUCKING!

Hotchner Ships

Speaking of characters that have a long time where they are single! Aaron Hotchner is another fandom favorite to write self-insert fanfiction for, because of the gap between Haley Hotchner's death in 100, and the introduction of Beth in season 7.

In general, I like the way Hotch's relationships play out on screen. Let's start with Haley:

You can tell that the writers really enjoyed the dynamic between work Hotch and home Hotch, because they played on it so much across the four first seasons. The very first time he is introduced he's in his bedroom picking out baby names with his childhood sweetheart, so any further scenes of him being more stern or serious are always in contrast with that introduction. It's a cold open to his character that immediately let's you know that there is more going on in his world than just the BAU, and he is the only member of the season one team that has that.

Then, they really LOVE taking that shit away from him. I'm not going to go into detail here about how fucking wack the time line is for Criminal Minds, but it is stupid and that's important here because:

I think Haley's reasons for divorcing Hotch are stupid.

She says that she married a man who was a prosecutor, not a man that was an FBI Profiler but realistically by the time of their divorce, he'd been in the BAU like 10 years. They rely more on the audiences sense of time (we're two years in, so they've all been on the team two years etc) to push this character motivation off. And for a while it makes sense that they were separated, until the events of 100. But also: in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, you literally signed up for whatever the FUCK happened, that's what a marriage vow IS.

Now I'm a sucker for the angst of 100,but would it not have felt 10x more emotionally disgusting if Hotch and Haley were talking about reuniting? If they had never celebrated in the first place, and had just finished working through their marital issues when Foyet comes back into their lives and Haley has to be whisked away again? Yes. Yes it would.

There's an episode in season 9 that really pisses me off, and it's the one that Hotch passes out from an old tear in his Foyet stab wounds and he goes into surgery and talks with Haley and Foyet in heaven while watching the rest of his life after the events of 100 on a cinema screen. It's cliché and also has no pay-off because it doesn't change the way he views his relationships after that, and it's not like he's at a crossroads at that point, so it means nothing to the audience except as a remembrance of an issue and an episode so far in the past that it feels like flogging a dead horse. They do this twice, btw, and this is the more successful use of this plot (the first time they do it to Elle in Season 1/2 during the events of The Wicker King - she talks to the father we didn't even know was dead, who died decades ago in an unrelated time. Not to keep bringing NCIS up, but I think the only time I've seen it done well is whenever Gibbs kept seeing Mike Franks in the diner scenes). They do not out enough effort into these plots to achieve the emotional resonance they are aiming for in my personal opinion.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think this could've been the beginning of the era where Gibson was having a lot of issues with the cast, because it just felt like they didn't want to use him in the on-location shoots for a while lmao. Anyway, all that to say, Haley should've stayed dead, and not come back as a stupid phantom.

After the dust has settled on Haley and Hotchner though, we get Hotchner and Beth:

This is going to be a short note, because I actually really like the relationship between these two characters. They have the very slow cold-open build up that Maeve and Spencer get, but there's a lot more and a lot less to Beth's character that makes the dynamic between them really enjoyable to watch.

We're once again treated to the out-of-work Hotchner that had been missing since Season 4 (his in between scenes with Jack are cute but there's always the tragedy hanging over them). Beth is running a marathon in honor of her dad, Hotch is doing something similar for the FBI Triathalon, they train together the tension builds, they start dating. Now obviously it wasn't the purpose or aim of this character introduction to build to tragedy, and I think they just genuinely wanted to show a happy Hotchner again, but its still a valid criticism of the weird voyeuristic Maeve build-up that they literally succeeded a more sympathetic and audience engaging late minor-recurring-character EARLIER THAN THE MAEVE ARC.

I'll shut up now, but yeah, I like Hotch and Beth.

Penelope Ships

This post is getting ridiculously long, so much so that I'm even contemplating adding a fucking word count, but let's continue and dive in to my next issue.

Penelope's romantic life is used as a punch-line for the first 11 seasons and I HATE it.

There is no easy short to say this, but I despise Kevin. He is stupid, and a joke, and I hate him and I am SO HAPPY that she dumped him. They made her really pathetic about him for a few episodes, and then he kept fucking coming back too which was even worse.

Kevin is literally male Garcia but with all the worst attributes. He's clingy, and needy, and he may be smart but in a very "incel" way. In my opinion, Kevin is less a fully fledged character and more a joke line/ convenient plot point for when they need more tech analyst work. The best moment in the Kevin/Penelope arc is during the The Gathering, where she really lays into him and tells him off for being jealous of her ukelele instructor AFTER THEY'D BROKEN UP.

Penelope deserved so much better than what they gave her romantically in these seasons. First, her date tried to kill her, her boyfriend was a joke, etc. She never gets the serious romantic plotline that her other teammates do (Hotch/Haley, Spencer/Maeve, Derek/Savannah, JJ/Will, Emily/being a big old lesbian etc). Penelope is really great levity for the rest of the cast because she is happy and she is positive and she is unapologetic in her positivity. It's annoying that they don't let her be more than that in the romantic relationships they give he during these seasons.

Then Luke Alvez is introduced and there is some hope! Galvez truther's please, rise they are so adorable.

Anyone involved in the writing of CME - what the hell was that? Now I haven't seen it myself, to be completely fair, but I know enough to ask the question - really what the HELL was that?

Tl;dr Penelope's sexuality and romantic relationships should not be used as punchlines.

The Aversion to Homosexuality

This is just a general note, but the writers originally did plan to have Emily Prentiss be gay - amazing, great, it's a completely different time now, please let her have a gay awakening soon. It was obviously scrapped early in, but there's a lot of subtext that can be interpreted in that way.

They did commit with Tara, and she gets a gf in CME, so I want to see some Temily in the future if we do get more CM seasons.

So just so you know, everytime I mention Emily flirting with someone in my fic, assume it's a woman if you aren't already, lmao.

(They did also talk about making Reid bisexual as well, which would've also been great, but again, I don't think we're ever getting any more romantic plotlines from Reid).

Other Characters

Here's just a rating and short mention for all the other character couples I can think of in Criminal Minds, because this is already thesis length lmao:

Morgan + Savannah - 8.5/10, no notes, really just the gender bent love interest but done right.

Alex Blake + Husband - 7/10, solid couple, very much enjoyed when they started bringing in the people in established relationships again lmao.

Kate Callahan + Husband - 5/10, same as above but I wasn't as attached to her character rip.

Matt + Kirsty - 10/10 really no notes, I too would be called a breeder if I managed to lock that man down, damn.

Rossi + His 3 Ex-Wives - Make total sense for his character, very enjoyable to me, love that he has a nice moment with most of them again throughout the series, not going to rate it lol.

Rossi + Strauss - 3.5/10 - Last ditch attempt to make Strauss a sympathetic character, but I felt more attached to her growth after being called out by Derek rather than the effect that her death had on Rossi.

Gideon + the friend of his who is murdered by that Frank guy at the end of season 2 - stupid, worst way to go out, made no sense for the character, but I know Mandy Patinkin wanted OUT and honestly, anything for you Inigo Montoya.

Why I think Criminal Minds is Better Without Romance

Generally, I really do agree with Matthew Gray Gubler when he said that there were more interesting things to explore with these characters than their romantic attachments. It does frustrate me to no end that they focused on some of them more than others, and that post Henry, most of JJ's big moments are tied to motherhood and being a mother/ wife, but that change in her character is still amazing and leads her to a lot of growth (not mentioning Truth or Dare again, sorry it doesn't exist at this point in the post)(also I didn't have much time to mention Will and JJ, but I do love them).

Their best moments are the ones we get of them together as a team, saving people and putting away murderers for life, it's a perfect Found Family!!!

Also, no more romance = Spencer Reid can be mine. In conclusion, I am delusional. Thank you for reading this far.

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