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persephone11110 · 4 months

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A Different Dialect | b.bradshaw

prompt: “You can’t keep hiding this stuff.”- credit: @memesomething

tw:illness—hiding said illness, past child abuse, self esteem issues, protective b.b, readers a mom| dad bradley bradshaw, reader is masking her pain, the word throw up is mentioned and vomit— also the act of throwing up is mentioned, perfectionism, pushing yourself to exhaustion, 15 years into the future

reader goes by angel

children names: Cobie and and Nicky

this a random one-shot/ apart of FALLEN ANGEL Series

AN: Its been awhile since I posted to this series, random idea was born after listeing to Because of You. And i also pulled a quote from one of my fav shows ever Bojack Horseman , ever have a hard time trying to write the middle of a fic

—

Self care….not your biggest strong suit, which is pretty funny for ER/n. Lets just say Bradley doesn’t find it so funny.

This is all started because of your weak immune system. It was shameful how someone who’s been a ER/n for the past decade and half didn’t recognize the severity and symptoms of the flu. For crying out loud your a mom and a wife, your the definition of unstoppable,someone who doesn’t get the chance to fall apart. And yet here we are—laying on bedroom floor, curled up in pain. Weakness doesn’t look good on you Y/n Bradshaw.

Let’s turn the clock back.

This time, you had the chance to hide your sickness from your other half—since he recently taken promotion of Captain he had been busy with students and paper work. As evil as its sounds—you just didnt want him fretting over you, ruining his work schedule because of you, missing out with friend’s because of you.

Being sick today wasn’t any different, you usually toughen it out—pushing yourself while sick was a familiarity, well before you became an adult. You gone to school with body aches, slight fevers, the twins sports game with severe nausea—taking medicine to soothe it. Nothing made you stop—as you learned at a young age age,“Y/n the world doesn’t stop just because your sick.”

You could remember the last time you got sick as a child and the memories are faint but some of it is ingrained into the back of your mind.

“Y/n remember what we say about crying... crying is stupid!"— Dad had grown tired of your loud wails, having come home from a important dinner, he grabbed you by your jaw and gripped it tightly. “Don’t make me have to tell you again”.

You cupped your forehead once again, it felt like someone was taking a knife pulling it in and out. Only couple more hours and twins could be put in their rooms for bedtime. Then you could fall apart—cry if you needed to, throw up if you needed to.

What you didnt expect was your husband to come home early.

“Honey its just a little cold”, you mother batted your hands away from your nose, she stood behind you smoothing the sides of your dresses perfectly.“Your father needs at your best for this dinner, the governor might be considering giving him the funding he deserves”.

You didn’t deserve to be cared for, you didn’t earn the right to stay home like your parents did.

You rolled your shoulders back, you looked in the mirror, praying to god that your mascara didn’t smudge. You put on a fake smile because god forbid you didn’t you smile hard enough infront of strangers your father would have your backside and a belt.

“Come on Y/n, Linda!”’your father shouted from downstairs, he stood at the end of staircase. His shoulders squared straight, his eyes portraying nothing but coldness, it really added to the whole army man persona. “Don’t have all day”.

You sniffled one more time, you swallowed the snot down your throat. Mom hated the way your nose looked after you blew it too many times.

You spent the entire night politely turning down men old enough to your father,while also keeping the bile of vomit down. Multitasker

“Dear god Y/n loosen up, your father needs all the support he can get”. Your mother walked past you, whispering into your ear.

“Yes ma’am, let me go freshen up real quick”, your were face down in toliet, biles of vomit coming up. Remembering where you were, you quickly stood flushing the toliet— you held onto the stall wall.

An older woman passed you onto the way to the sink. “This generation,what makes you think a man is going to want you like that if cant even hold your liquor?”. The silvered hair woman voice held a certain amount of digust that even your own mother couldn’t beat.

Pull yourself together Y/n.

You can do better than this, you were taught trained better than this.

—

Walking through the front door Bradley expected two things, his wife helping the twins with last minute homework Or Cobie and Nicky chasing after Orbit, causing a mess to happen around the house.

Quiet house. Bradley allowed his feet to bring him to their shared bedroom.

He didn’t expect for his wife to laying on the floor curled up in a fetal position.“Angel!” Bradley shouts as he slides on to the ground, he didn’t have time to panic—years of being in miltary and being father kicked in. He pressed his finger into your neck hoping and praying to god there was pulse somewhere.

“Brad?” You open your eyes, your confused the worry look Bradley was wearing.“Whats wrong?”.

“Whats wrong Y/n?” His voice dripping with sarcasm, “I just found my wife unconscious on the floor”. You and Bradley are sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Bradley lets not be hysterical, I wasn’t unconscious I’ve worked a graveyard shift while also taking care of the kids”. Your was voice strained, you lost it while at Cobie soccer game.

You squeezed your eyes the ceiling light was starting to bother you, and because you didn’t want Bradley to see you cry.

Bradley gave you once over and started to feel his bubbling anger starting to faint away. “Angel we’re partners remember?” He’s caressing your face, “I have your six, you know that right?”

You peered your eyes back open, and whispered“I know that, I just…..nevermind it doesn’t matter”.

You start to move away from him“the twins need some important forms signed Brad-Brad and Orbit needs to be let out again”.

“Y/n dont worry about that, right now we need to talk about your lack of self care”. Bradley pulls you back to him, “Please let me take care of you”. The amount of emotion that filled Bradley voice broke your heart, you didn’t mean to make him upset.

“We also need to talk about I didn’t even notice my own damn wife was in so much pain”. Bradley ran his hands through hair, “I mean how I couldn’t I?”.

“Well Brad you’ve been working long hours since becoming a captain, the navy needs you more than usual to”. You smile weakly, the last thing you wanted to do was make Bradley feel bad for being promoted.

“Oh angel Im sorry, thats it I’m taking a leave of absence”. Bradley tone held a no-none sense tone.

“No,no Bradley I’m fine this something im used to, sometimes you need make sacrifices”. You speak like its fact, you’ve never been told otherwise.

Bradley sighs his eyes rimming with tears, its got this far without Bradley noticing.“No Y/n your just used to making unnecessary sacrifices for everyone else”.

“When the last time you’ve been taken care of— when’s the last time I spend the day taking care of you?”. Bradley voice was soft, careful to not wake the kids. “Y/n let me take care of you, my wife the mother of kids deserves to be loved , cherised and taken care of”. His voice is quiet, he puts his hand into yours. “I got you Y/n Helen Bradshaw”.

“I know you do Bradley Peter Bradshaw”.

#top gun #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradsaw x reader

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girljeremystrong · 5 months

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cat!!!! hi!!!! i want to get my non-reader friend into reading. he probs won't read anything over 150-200 pages so i'm trying to find an entertaining short book. all the short books i love are essays or philosophy or things i think he could like in time but would probably find dry at the start (especially cause he hasn't read anything recreationally for years). so im at a loss and wanted to know if u have any recs for short books that are page-turners/easy to read <3 hope ur having a good day beloved xo

hello my love <3

first of all sorry for replying late but i was sleeping and then i had to go to the BANK but anyway i have compiled a little list of books i loved that are under 200 pages. there are lots of classics that are shorter and i've included them even though i think some of those would be stuff that you or him might have already read!

contemporary fiction

open water by caleb azumah nelson: THIS IS SUCH A GREAT ONE that i can't imagine anyone not enjoying. truly. it's a love story between two black young british people but it's far from a tiktok romance novel. it explores themes of race and masculinity and vulnerability and it's soft but also very real and it's wonderful. honestly if i had to only recommend one it would be this!

small things like these by claire keegan: very good and quietly hopeful story of a man in a little irish town at christmas. everybody was talking about this book last year and with good reason, it's great.

whereabouts by jhumpa lahiri: the story of a woman in the town she lives in and how it can change in a year. this is an introspective one but jhumpa lahiri is a genius so it reads very easily and it's so wonderfully written.

interpreter of maladies by jhumpa lahiri: short stories, mainly dealing with indian characters in the US. they feel absolutely universal while teaching something about culture and belonging. won the pulitzer in 1999.

how not to drown in a glass of water by angie cruz: a woman narrates the story of her life to her counselor who's trying to find her a job. it's funny and hopeful and memorable. the author is so great (she wrote another one called dominicana that is a masterpiece although is longer!)

kim jiyoung, born 1982 by cho nam-joo: the story of a new mum living in korea that explores the estrangement of being a woman and having to give up so much. it's definitely more serious but it's written very well and it doesn't feel heavy at all.

swimming in the dark by tomasz jedrowski: this one is incredible. it's the story of a polish university student who falls in love with another man in the 1980s in an obviously very repressive society. so he's in love but he wants protest and he can't ignore the struggles and the disparity around him. it's very political but also lyrical and tender.

someone who will love you in all your damaged glory by raphael bob-waksberg: okay this breaks 200 pages at 256 pages long. but it's so good. everybody would love this. it's by the creator of bojack horseman if that can be an incentive somehow. it's a collection of stories that are so unconventional and bizarre in the most incredible way. they are funny stories and sweet and absurd and sad. i really loved reading this book.

infinite country by patricia engel: the story of a colombian family dealing with deportation. it's from the pov of elena who is the eldest daughter. it's a beautiful book that deals with very real struggles and it does it beautifully.

classics

recitatif by toni morrison: very short story (about 20 pages) but so clever and so well written of course. it's the story of two women who have known each other since they were children. they lose touch and then they reconnect when they're older. one of them is white and one of them is black, but the author never tells you which is which. so it's a great story about race.

the cossacks by leo tolstoy: the story of a man who loses his fortune and retires to a cossack village. it's very russian... but it's very well written and definitely explores some of the themes that tolstoy will then explore in war and peace like the purpose of life and war and his love of nature.

white nights by fyodor dostoevsky: again very russian. but less than 100 pages long! it's the story of a young man living in st petersburg who one day meets a girl and they become fast friends. they both feel like outcasts, so together they feel like they can belong. it is actually great.

giovanni's room by james baldwin: lots of baldwin's books (both his fiction and non-fiction) are short ones actually. this one is the story of a man in paris who, while waiting for his girlfriend to get there, falls in love with a man. it's an incredible story dense with love and passion and shame and it is wonderful.

the old man and the sea by hemingway: old man tries to catch big fish after not being able to catch any fish for a long time. but also so much more than that and nobody made me read this in school so i only read it at 25 and it blew me away. everybody told me it would be so sad but i think it's actually hopeful and a little bit it is a story about community? and it tells you that there's people waiting for you to come back.

of mice and men by steinbeck: again i read it in my mid twenties and loved it. it's a gut punch. it's about two men clinging together as laborers in california. it deals with what it means to feel powerless in a tyrant world.

franny and zooey by salinger: one of the best books ever i think. franny and zooey are brother and sister and they are two young people experiencing existential doubts. it's a book about family and about growing into adults and about the alienation that comes with that. salinger knows how to write young people in a crisis so well and how to make it engaging and entertaining.

having compiled this list i now see that my tastes definitely are oriented in a certain way but i hope at least one of these can work for your friend. i tried to include all the shorter books that i have read and loved and i think that generally anyone could enjoy them, but you never know!

hope you're having a great day too!!! mwah!!

#reasoncourt #ask #books

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smol-grey-tea · 8 months

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Yuri

My head is full of thoughts of him but none of the thoughts are cohesive cuz in all my years I still don't fully understand him

He's a guy who comes off as lighthearted and carefree but when you really look at him I think he's such a hardworking person. He only eats food that's healthy for him, never eating anything just because he wants to; god knows being a teacher is such a difficult job, grading papers, teaching a classroom of teenagers who didn't choose to be there, so much paperwork; in his diary, he says that he always takes notes on how every lesson goes and he plans each lesson 3 days in advance.

After finishing work at school, he works another job, one that's actually very strenuous and physically demanding and loud and surrounded by so many people. When does he practice?

Also, when does he eat? He'll have Tei's breakfast in the morning, then have what, canteen food at school?? Then what'll he have after that? Some days he comes home so late he probably doesn't even get dinner. Does he have the time??

Then ik he likes to watch anime at night so how much does he sleep? He has bath in morning and probably has lengthy skincare routine. Bet you any money he shaves.. Even waxes.

Look, I'm basically saying, how much damn time to himself does he even have? Ik Eri said he comes home holding shopping bags everyday but he also often splashes out on Eri too, spending a lot on her and the dolls. I think it's cute.

But he has a reputation for being lighthearted and carefree, as if he has no responsibilities or worries. He acts like that and purposely doesn't talk about the work he does, probably cuz he just doesn't like talking about that stuff anyway? I always wonder about why he never tells anyone about him being a drummer - you'd think it'd be something he'd boast about? All the cheering fans? But he keeps it a secret..

Either way. I rly don't remember the url even tho I rly rly wish I did but someone said that Tei's treatment of Yuri is purposeful so that he gets a reputation of not just being carefree but also an incompetent joke. Because they share a room, Yuri somehow found out about Tei's secret desires, so Tei purposefully makes people want to not take Yuri seriously so that of he ever tells anyone about Tei, they won't believe him

Yuri is so confusing and fascinating and amazing and sweet and cute and complicated..

He explains, on the date he takes Eri on, that he isn't just a flirt for fun: he simply mirrors the love that other people are already giving him. He says that he does this because it's both in his concept and because he believes it to be the polite thing to do

However, he also displays that he has difficulty understanding what other people are feeling, often misunderstanding that Eri isn't angry when she very much is and constantly finds her actions and emotions confusing. I think possibly the funniest instance of this is when the Korean teacher is so obviously flirting with him, giving him home baked muffins and asking him to eat with her but he doesn't even realise that she's flirting and he speaks to her sincerely and calmly, actually declining to eat lunch with her.

He only ever responds to people's love, never initiating it himself, but he says that Eri is the first/only person he's ever wanted to initiate love with. I think tho that his love for her is his way of thanking her for buying and loving him in the first place, which is very sweet.

He's so fascinating to me because I don't- I still don't understand him. I love him.

Wait! I just thought of something. Yuri's issue always reminds me of a quote from Bojack Horseman: "Everybody loves you. But nobody likes you." He is surrounded by people who love him but don't like him. They only really like him for his looks, for who he is on the surface. Their love for him is insincere so therefore, the love he mirrors to them is insincere too.

He's only really used to experiencing and mirroring that insincere kind of love. So is that why he didn't understand that the Korean teacher was flirting? Because she knows him better than most the other people who flirt with him, and potentially does love him sincerely since she made homemade muffins for him. Because her love for him is sincere, is that why he didn't understand what she was feeling? He thought she was just being nice and took the muffins out of politeness

A particular quote that interests me about Yuri is one in which he implies he knows people's love for him is not sincere. After Eri leaves the club, he chases after her, and she asks him why he left since people will surely miss him if he's gone. But he responds with something to the effect of "they won't even notice I'm gone" which I think speaks such volumes about him, his character, his beliefs, and his attitude towards those people

He comes off as such a player but he knows they don't really care about him and by his choice to follow Eri, he doesn't damn care about them either. He understands that their love is superficial but superficial love is the only thing he does understand.. When he realises that the reason he wants to give things to Eri is because his love for her isn't superficial, he doesn't know what to do. It's too unfamiliar to him, on top of the fact that it's against his concept

No wonder he got identity crises n shit, man. Who the hell is he? Is he all the superficial surface level shit he mirrors from everyone else? Is he someone capable of sincere love? Who is he?? God damn.

Yuri

Wait, do you think those lines aren't actually blushes, but he drew those on his face himself? Why's he even got a spoon in his mouth anyway??

#my post #undescribed #nameless #nameless the one thing you must recall #cheritz #nameless cheritz #cheritz nameless #i rly was putting this post off because I wanted to wait til i had it more coherently organised in my head but the Yuri thoughts were so #strong they took over and I just had to improvise and organise it AS i was typing it #swearing cw

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dan6085 · 7 months

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Here are some TV series with high ratings from Rotten Tomatoes:

1. **"Breaking Bad" (2008-2013):** A high school chemistry teacher turned methamphetamine producer teams up with a former student. (Rating: 96%)

2. **"The Wire" (2002-2008):** Explores the city of Baltimore and its relationship with politics, media, schools, and the maritime industry. (Rating: 94%)

3. **"The Sopranos" (1999-2007):** Follows the life of mob boss Tony Soprano as he tries to balance the demands of his crime family with his personal life. (Rating: 92%)

4. **"Fargo" (2014-present):** Inspired by the film, each season features new characters and storylines, all connected by crime and moral dilemmas. (Rating: 94%)

5. **"Better Call Saul" (2015-present):** A prequel to "Breaking Bad," focusing on the evolution of the character Jimmy McGill, a small-time lawyer. (Rating: 97%)

6. **"Game of Thrones" (2011-2019):** Based on George R.R. Martin's novels, it explores the power struggles among noble families as they attempt to control the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms. (Rating: 89%)

7. **"Stranger Things" (2016-present):** Set in the 1980s, a group of kids in a small town encounters supernatural forces and government conspiracies. (Rating: 87%)

8. **"Black Mirror" (2011-present):** Anthology series exploring the dark side of technology and its impact on society. (Rating: 83%)

9. **"The Crown" (2016-2022):** Chronicles the reign of Queen Elizabeth II from her wedding in 1947 through present day. (Rating: 90%)

10. **"Mindhunter" (2017-2019):** FBI agents investigate and understand serial killers by interviewing them and applying psychology. (Rating: 97%)

11. **"BoJack Horseman" (2014-2020):** An animated series following the life of an anthropomorphic horse actor dealing with self-worth, addiction, and relationships. (Rating: 93%)

12. **"The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" (2017-present):** A housewife in the 1950s discovers her talent for stand-up comedy and pursues a career in the male-dominated industry. (Rating: 86%)

13. **"Patriot" (2015-2018):** An intelligence officer tries to prevent Iran from going nuclear, leading to various high-stakes and darkly comedic situations. (Rating: 91%)

14. **"One Day at a Time" (2017-2020):** A sitcom focusing on a Cuban-American family dealing with everyday life struggles. (Rating: 99%)

15. **"Sherlock" (2010-2017):** A modern adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes detective stories. (Rating: 78%)

16. **"Veep" (2012-2019):** Follows the life of former Senator Selina Meyer as she becomes the Vice President and later, the President of the United States. (Rating: 93%)

17. **"Westworld" (2016-present):** An amusement park for rich vacationers, the park is looked after by robotic hosts until they start malfunctioning. (Rating: 78%)

18. **"The Good Place" (2016-2020):** Afterlife comedy where a woman realizes she hasn't been a good person and tries to earn her spot in the "good place." (Rating: 97%)

19. **"Rick and Morty" (2013-present):** Animated series following the misadventures of an eccentric, alcoholic scientist and his good-hearted but easily influenced grandson. (Rating: 94%)

20. **"Chernobyl" (2019):** A historical drama miniseries depicting the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and its aftermath in the mid-1980s Soviet Union. (Rating: 96%)

Please check Rotten Tomatoes or other reliable sources for the most current ratings and reviews of these TV series.

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caniaskyouabouttoday · 2 years

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A Horse is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course

“I’ll fake it through the day with some help from Johnny Walker Red”-Elliott Smith

Rewatching Netflix’s seminal animated series, Bojack Horseman, I had the music of the late Elliott Smith and the poetry of the late Charles Bukowski (I believe both are name checked in the series) flowing through my head. The show begins as a Hollywoo(d) satire pitched somewhere between Robert Altman’s “The Player” and Doug Ellin’s “Entourage” and ends with the gravity of The Sopranos or Breaking Bad.

Bojack Horseman (Will Arnett) was the star of an artless but charming family sitcom called “Horsin’ Around” in the late 80s up to the late 90s. His “friend” Mr. Peanut Butter (Paul F. Tompkins) anchored a watered down knockoff called “Mr. Peanut Butter’s House.” The series kicks off in 2014 with our heroes in middle age clawing back to the A-List.

The premise makes me wonder why the untimely death of Bob Saget didn’t reignite interest in the show, given that Horseman and Peanut Butter are fairly obvious stand-ins for Bob Saget and his long time friend and collaborator John Stamos.

The premise starts off with a tone akin to Entourage and ends in a tragedy similar to The Sopranos (also wisely name checked in the show, with an appearance by David Chase.) Nearly everyone Bojack has ever loved has died or parted ways on poor terms with him. He faces a life as a pariah, persona non grata in Hollywoo and even serves a prison sentence for his misdeeds.

Bojack is an alcoholic wreck of a horse (or is he more man than a horse?) - cursed with the family disease by his cruel mother Beatrice and detached father, Butterscotch. The generational trauma passed down from the Horseman and Sugarman clans that preceded Bojack is immense. Beatrice and Butterscotch are also intelligent, perceptive, and acerbic. Bojack carries the genealogical gifts they gave him to dizzying heights as an actor and comic. He’s as smart, funny, and talented as he is broken.

Bojack is flanked by his impish, couch crashing pal Todd Chavez, long-suffering manager/agent/house-cat Princess Caroline, and biographer/journalist friend Diane Nguyen. Diane spends much of the series in a fraught marriage to Mr. Peanut Butter. These characters help manage the tone of the show, with Todd often brought in to lighten heavy stories and Diane as a sobering voice of reason to check the behavior of our very un-sober equine hero.

Bojack Horseman does some incredible world building on par with the prime seasons of The Simpsons in its 77 episodes. It would be impossible for me to name check every character or touch on every plot. I can and sort of did tell you how things end but how they would unfold before you watching is incredible.

I finished my rewatch of Bojack Horseman thinking of Bojack’s mother, Beatrice’s grief for her husband Butterscotch “Everything is worse now.” I felt like my time with a friend came to an end; as awful as Bojack is - and he is awful- I saw a lot of myself in him. And I believe his pain helped me manage my own.

Bojack Horseman was shockingly canceled before the end of its intended 8 season Netflix run, wrapping in the twilight of the pre pandemic ‘10s at the dawn of 2020.

The series deftly juggles tones somewhere between a trip to the zoo and a trip to therapy. It is fun and funny and the emotional, painful episodes feel cathartic for their realism in a surreal setting and have a heartfelt sincerity. The apex of the show is “Free Churro” an episode that is almost entirely Bojack eulogizing his mother in an unflinching and bracingly honest way.

The show is not flawless. It has a few episodes I find skippable where it shoehorns in hamfisted politics. It has characters I find insufferable like Yolanda the axolotl and the 30s screwball comedy reporters. But much like Bojack himself you’ll find so much to latch onto and identify with amongst the flaws.

This is one of the best, most important, and most creative animated series of all time - don’t act like you don’t know.

#bojack horseman #bojack netflix #bojack diane #bojack todd #mr peanutbutter #diane nguyen #todd chavez #princess caroline

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lovecrafts-iranon · 2 years

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My fanfiction

I don't think there's any way I can post this without lots of negativity. While of course I love compliments, it's not so much fishing for those as fishing for an explanation why. These suck; why do they suck?

I didn't post my fanfiction here for years because I, in a stupid haze of Dunning-Kruger arrogance, thought I was bound to become extremely popular. I wanted to curate my image in a way I don't on this account; for example, I didn't want to ever post any political opinions anywhere where my writing was associated with me. And I especially didn't want to associate my depressed rants about my writing with my actual writing. But that is stupid because I was never going to get big. I am too inherently shitty of a writer to ever become popular.

The first things I posted on AO3 were erotica since I had heard that's what was popular. I am not going to link that because that isn't where the confusion lies -- I can guess why that didn't get a response. I also did non-sexual responses to kink meme prompts (as you can tell by the title, most kink meme stuff is sexual, but it actually isn't 100 percent.) Instead I will link the three works I was most proud of before I posted them. I feel nothing but shame and disgust toward myself for feeling that way about works that got so few kudos. I was so wrong to feel pride for such mediocre little heaps of trash.

Writing popular stories is the most important thing in the world to me and the only thing I have ever strived for. The kudo count starting so pathetically small (even after all the study and practice I put in before I even started writing these, which I figured would give me a leg up on other writers but didn't because I am an eternal loser) would have been fine, I guess, if the number had gone up from fic to fic. It didn't. That was proof that I can never improve and am doomed to be a disgusting failed fanfiction writer (truly the worst thing one can be as a writer) forever.

One thing to note is that I actually never liked the show (Boku no Hero Academia) that I wrote for. I chose it because it was popular; I knew that Yudkowsky chose the Harry Potter fandom because it was popular and he had great success. He was criticized for not actually reading the books so I figured I would do better by watching the show and reading the manga. I specifically disliked how almost all of the characters are Mary Sues who always win and never have anything truly bad happen to them or do anything truly bad. I hate watching good people do good things. For context, my favorite show is Bojack Horseman. With some of my fic, I was trying write "the Bojack Horseman of BNHA fanfiction" (how contemptible of me to ever think a loser like me could create anything good enough to be spoken of in the same breath as Bojack).

Also AO3 sometimes has a bug where it will put a space before a punctuation after italicized text. I only learned about this well after I had realized I was too much of a shitty writer for it to be worth fixing, so whatever. Long gone are the days of eight hours of editing per thousand words.

Babes in the Wood

This was a kink meme prompt answer. One of the few potentially good things about the show that is never explored (at least before I stopped watching/reading) is how Bakugou bullies Midoriya but Midoriya still thinks of him as a friend despite all contrary evidence and looks up to him. Inspired by the kink meme prompt, I figured it would be fun to take that to a more extreme place (not romantic/sexual extreme, just fucked up).

Fic description:

From the BNHA Kink Meme:

His pain tolerance is pretty insanely huge, right? I want to see something where Izuku's massive levels of pain tolerance comes up in middle school. Maybe to the horror of some of his classmates or teachers. It doesn't have to be a result of bullying inflicting an injury, but it should definitely be something hospital-worthy and red flag raising.

2. A Room Full of Your Posters

My most successful fic, so the one you're most likely (but still not very likely) to enjoy. Making Midoriya into a villain is a common fanfiction trope, but from the descriptions I read it was usually achieved through brainwashing, blackmail, or similar methods that went against his will. When he did become a villain of his own volition, it was via the whole "one bad day" trope, a sudden snap. I wanted to write him slowly spiraling into insanity before he kills people. I wanted to turn his typical Shonen protagonist trait of never giving up and his All Might fanboy thing into flaws (goodness knows he needs some). In retrospect, Midoriya's feelings about his impossible dream are similar to mine about being a popular writer. I thought I was doing a darker, more realistic take on the villain!deku trope. Guess not since it didn't get as many kudos as the other fics I mentioned!

Fic description:

Villain!Midoriya. The slime villain didn't attack. Bakugou never needed rescuing. No wondrous event proved he deserved All Might's Quirk. He was still desperate to know whether a Quirkless boy could become a hero.

If only there were some way to get All Might's attention...

3. It Deepens Like a Coastal Shelf

I noticed that the most popular ship in the fandom was Midoriya/Bakugou. A lot of people hated this ship since it shipped a bully and his victim, which is a fair enough objection, but those same people had an extreme hatred and disgust for Bakugou that didn't sit right with me since he is a child and my favorite character (not a fantastic character but the best one on the bad show). So I made a fic exploring that (they don't end up in a romantic relationship which is why I didn't tag it as such), but also mostly about child abuse which is kind of played for laughs in the show. I wanted to show what childhood is *actually* like since pretty much every coming-of-age story I have read gets it super wrong. In my stupid fantasies, this fic was going to be known even outside the fandom for how realistically it portrayed growing up.

This was the fic that killed me inside. Because the previous couple fics had been going up in kudos, I thought I was improving. Now I know that was just random fluctuation and I can never improve. Every weekly update where I would get 0-2 kudos would make me sick and I still hate myself for making something that got that little of a reaction and thinking it was good (stupid, laughable!) before I posted it and learned the truth. Why couldn't I see the damn truth before?

Fic description:

Mermaid AU. If you asked Katsuki Bakugou, he was a god among jealous mortals. If you asked his mother, Mitsuki, she would agree, except for the times she'd call him a brain-dead little bitch. If you asked his classmates, well. They knew to keep their mouths shut. So when Mitsuki bought a new, green-haired mer for the family's aquarium business, Katsuki wasn't exactly looking to have his mind changed. Unfortunately, Izuku Midoriya might force him to rethink who he is, what he believes in, and whether his "normal" -- his thoughts, his life, his mother, mers, everything -- is really how the world should be.

__________________________

So that's my fanfiction. I hate myself for making these. I hate that none of the books on writing, the college classes, all the reading, all the practice, none of it made a fucking difference in kudo count because I am unchangeable. I also hate the general AO3 culture of never leaving negative comments because I would do anything to know why these bombed so much. Please just tell me why I suck, it is painful not to know. I have guesses and partial answers but no complete picture. I have been miserable for years because of these kudo counts. Fame has been my goal my entire life and to know I can never reach it has stripped every scrap of happiness from me. There are fanfictions full of typos obviously written by 12-year-olds with more a whole lot more kudos than mine. That is how bad I am. I hate my stupid delusions of grandeur, thinking I could be successful at writing when I am not successful at anything else. It's been about two years since I started feeling miserable all the time about this. It hasn't really been getting better. I might do a longer post with even more context about why I feel like killing myself but I wanted to get one out there with the fic links first. As explanation and proof as to why I am so dumb.

And I get that to somebody who writes as a fun little side-hobby and gets most of their enjoyment and fulfillment from other things, this sounds really weird. If you didn't get many kudos that wouldn't mean much to you, wouldn't mark you as a permanent loser because you have other things going on that you care about. But to me it means everything.

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syd-adamu · 2 years

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taglist for mobile users

lists are in no particular order:

tv:

9-1-1

the umbrella academy

the mindy project

psych

the it crowd

santa clarita diet

brooklyn nine nine

julie and the phantoms

stranger things

unbreakable kimmy schmidt

american vandal

the good doctor

the good place

never have i ever

russian doll

bridgerton

one of us is lying

schitt’s creek

one day at a time

derry girls

community

jane the virgin

lucifer

i am not okay with this

bojack horseman

heartstopper

big mouth

teen wolf

hsmtmts

the bear

films + directors:

the cornetto trilogy / edgar wright

the cat in the hat

the mitchells vs the machines

everything everywhere all at once

moulin rouge!

jojo rabbit / taika waititi

into the spiderverse

tick tick boom

david fincher

wes anderson

beetlejuice / tim burton

the old guard

newsies

train to busan

moon knight

the it duology

turning red

midsommar / ari aster

fallen angels / wong kar-wai

crazy rich asians

encanto

mamma mia!

christopher nolan

jordan peele

luca

zombies

ponniyin selvan / mani ratnam

the banshees of inisherin

aftersun

music:

5sos

one direction

wallows

prettymuch

the vamps

sza

doja cat

tiny meat gang

remi wolf

the 1975

megadeth

system of a down

hail the sun

when chai met toast

halsey

taylor swift

lizzo

arctic monkeys

the neighbourhood

panic at the disco

new politics

fall out boy

kali uchis

kehlani

hayley kiyoko

pinkpantheress

john mayer

kacey musgraves

half•alive

books/authors:

percy jackson / rick riordan

a man called ove / fredrik backman

more than this / patrick ness

six of crows / leigh bardugo

heartstopper / alice oseman

robin sloan

casey mcquiston

david levithan

karen mcmanus

cemetery boys - aiden thomas

truly devious / maureen johnson

tj klune

alone with you in the ether / olivie blake

(musical) theatre:

newsies

falsettos

company

she loves me

hadestown

fun home

mean girls

dear evan hansen

beetlejuice

dogfight

mozart!

school of rock

bandstand

spongebob squarepants

waitress

something rotten!

in the heights

hamilton

a gentlemen’s guide to love and murder

pippin

wicked

come from away

cats

starlight express

west side story

avenue q

starkid

starry

spring awakening

angels in america

the boys in the band

frankenstein

jesus christ superstar

the prom

the lightening thief

moulin rouge!

youtube:

drew gooden

danny gonzalez

jarvis johnson

kurtis conner

collegehumour (dropout.tv)

casey aonso

chad chad

noel miller

seanie dew

jack edwards

hannah bayles

daniel howell

babish culinary universe

kickthepj

joshua weissman

mikaela long

#*#may look here

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littlethingwithfeathers · 2 years

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A change in the wind, says I...

I feel like over the last 2ish years I’ve definitely taken a huge step back from fandom. I was never super into fandom communities. I mostly just wrote what came to me, read what interested me, and reblogged pretty stuff. But I’m not writing really anymore. Nothing’s really sparked the urge, and furthermore, I’ve kinda lost interest in my fandoms. Marvel hasn’t really grabbed me since the end of Phase 4. I’ve watched up to Multiverse of Madness and, while I enjoyed it, I just didn’t feel the excitement I felt back in the Winter Soldier/Civil War days. I’m not into Guardians or Thor or any of the new stuff. And it’s not just MCU... I’m not watching Rings of Power. The first two episodes didn’t grab me and the changes from established canon bug me (Read: NOT the fact that women are more centralized and there’s non-white Elves, Dwarves, and Hobbits. Those facts are awesome). And I’m not at all interested in House of the Dragon. Just... no. The politics was not the interesting part of GoT for me. It all feels... tiresome to keep up with. And to borrow a phrase, it doesn’t spark joy. It just feels like work to keep up with. Plus I now have a new rule for media consumption for myself... owing mostly to the fact that I’ve been disappointed with series’ endings that clearly were not set up properly or at all. I don’t watch anything that’s not finished. It’s as simple as that. If it’s not done, or at the very least, the last season hasn’t been announced, I don’t consume it. But I’m not -not- watching anything. I’m just watching finished stuff. My partners and I just finished FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and we rewatched Bee and Puppycat, and right now we’re in the middle of watching all of Bojack Horseman. And in violation of my rule, I’m listening to the podcast Old Gods of Appalachia, but in my defense, I’m staying caught up so I’m ready with the TTRPG from Monte Cook Games comes out. Plus it’s only one episode every couple weeks. But none of it is really inspiring that urge of “I must go to Tumblr and follow all the things!” I’ve also been changing around a lot of my life priorities. I quit my super stressful job and started freelancing, which gives me more flexibility to be really intentional about my priorities. A lot of my creative energy has been going into cooking... I still make sourdough bread, and I’m also starting a garden this year! My blueberry bushes just went into the dirt this morning! And I’ve also gotten into Magic: The Gathering, albeit VERY casually. I’m not leaving Tumblr. I guess I just wanted to let everyone know that if they’re seeing different stuff on here... that’s why. I’ve been kinda digging in on my home life lately and it feels really good to be doing that to be honest. Oh, and if you’ve read this far and have any reccs for gardening or homesteading Tumblrs, send them my way. Like I said, not going anywhere... just shifting the sails.

#personal #fandom stuff #gardening

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kingteeshops · 2 months

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Gentle giants shirt

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tshirtfashiontrend · 2 months

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Gentle giants shirt

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azantiss · 4 months

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Intro! in more depth

hello! i finally actually got tumblr wow. no more just lurking on the web version and getting screenshots from friends :)

my main focuses for this blog will probably be: (1) music, (2) ace/aro spectrum self-discovery stuff, (3) general stuff about psychology, (4) personal art projects. i also tend to ramble about random things i discover about being a person so if that shows up here don't be surprised. not sure if people usually make different blogs for these things but we'll see i guess.

my life: i am a university student! i'm a cognitive science major with psychology and neuroscience concentration and a gender studies minor. almost done with my bachelors yippee! i also have a radio show where i'm a DJ and get to propaganda the masses (/lh) yay. probably implied there but i am over 18 (i am 20). i also reside in the US. i am also queer. i use they/them pronouns and identify somewhere within the non-binary umbrella. probably agender. i am also currently unpacking my sexuality but i believe i am pretty strongly on the aromantic spectrum. i have been finding myself identifying more as just ambivalent to like everything gender/sexuality of late. i am a floating orb in space time idk man. most of why i made this account is to find more aromantic education resources.

i am also autistic and adhd, along with some crock pot of other stuff like anxiety depression ocd cptsd, and potentially bpd (also unpacking that one) and probably other things i am not remembering. insomnia if that counts i have incredibly chronic insomnia. some day maybe i will share my sleep charts where we see my average sleep hours are like 3 per night it's a nice chart.

i'm a leftist- or something around that area, terms can vary. if you are in any way a bigot, go away. this is not a place for homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, zionism, ableism, victim-blaming, sexism, or any other kind of discrimination etc. i strive to be aware of everything that i say but if there's ever any issues i am unaware of or could improve upon speaking about, feel free to educate me if you'd like!

i use tone indicators! will try to remember to put them in as much as i can if something needs it.

i do a project called 'an album a day' and i'm hoping to share that for 2024!! if you have any super awesome albums to share, send them to me any time! above is a picture of last year's album a day! I will tag those posts with #azantisalbumaday2024

some current music hyperfixations: the narcissist cookbook, careful gaze, bloodywood, fast animals and slow kids, set to stun, bring me the horizon, fall out boy, muse, the amazing devil, nothing but thieves, autoheart, vienna teng, art sorority, jean dawson, my chemcial romance, you me at six, and like a million other artists for whom i don't know enough of their discography to list them here.

the main genres i listen to are metalcore, rock adjacent anything, metal, idk how to describe genres. i really love most music but rock adjacent is my main one. i love music very much i am incredibly autistic about it.

if you use it, feel free to follow me on last fm here!!

hobbies/other interests: trying to get hobbies that aren't being a student, playing piano, zines/lyric videos (working on these), zentangles!!, dogs, trying to be politically aware, applying to jobs i guess, general crafting things, hanging out with my friends whom i love dearly, board games, listening to music (but you probably got that already), psychology, autism (i am autistic dw), the sims, minecraft, OH i forgot spreadsheets i LOVEEEE spreadsheets. also will occasionally go on rants about books or movies, most currently, whiplash and bojack horseman but im sensing a hunger games fixation reemerging.

i am trying to get back into reading. planning on reading some webtoons and the new hunger games book soon so maybe we'll see stuff about that too.

my hot takes: radiohead is good, wet socks aren't that bad if you have ventilation (crocs for example), and days should have 26.5 hours.

feel free to ask me questions or lmk if there's other things i should add to this post. idk how to use tumblr

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midnightshade · 1 year

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I've been doing some thinking about (Heian Era) Izanami's family, and I wanted to jot down some little notes and ideas:

Her parents initially named her Yūrei due to her appearance. She was literally considered the ghost that haunts the Kajiyashiki.

She abandoned that name and renamed herself Izanami, after the deity Izanami-no-Mikoto, on the day she ran away

Izanami's father was named Ryūji Kajiyashiki, and her mother was named Yua Kajiyashiki

Kajiyashiki translates to "Blacksmith's Palace" or "Blacksmith's Mansion." I was thinking, then, about making her family famous for its Cursed Weaponry.

The Kajiyashiki once had many influential and important members; talented scholars, artisans, and craftsmen among Jujutsu Society.

Izanami's great great grandfather built a massive Cursed Weaponry on the Estate, but the family's power has been in decline and ever since her father came to be the Head, they've become a shadow of their former glory

The Cursed Weaponry is bigger on the inside. The amount of Cursed Energy stored inside of the room combined and essentially made its own domain within the Kajiyashiki Estate.

Izanami was a disappointment on many accounts, but her being a woman was one of them. The Kajiyashiki's power was already fading, so not having a son to carry their name was disappointing

But Izanami's mother, as awful as she was, also suffered. She was forced into a marriage with Izanami's father and essentially used as breeding chattel, which she "failed" at because she couldn't stay pregnant. She had about 5 miscarriages before Izanami was successfully born

It's partly why Yua saved her at birth. She didn't think she could successfully carry to term again, and she didn't want to sleep with Ryūji again.

It's also partly why Yua hates Izanami. She resents her. She actually believes it's why Izanami came out with such a cursed looking appearance because she sees Izanami as a physical representation of her Cursed union with her husband; a loveless political marriage.

Ryūji just wanted a son to help restore the strength his family's name once held because he was under immense pressure to do so himself. He hadn't wanted to marry Izanami's mother, either, but there was a responsibility to continue the already dying bloodline.

Her father was fucked over from day one. He was told since he was young that it was his responsibility to fix everything his great grandfather built, even though those in charge before him only made things worse

He wanted a happy family and the prestige the Kajiyashiki once enjoyed, but he was locked into a life he wasn't happy with. Same with Izanami's mother.

Izanami's parents had some rare moments of paternal affection for Izanami or love between each other, but they were few and far between and never outweighed the hatred they all felt for each other.

Quoting that line from Bojack Horseman: "All three of us were drowning, and we didn't know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together"

#Izanami #my ocs #jjk oc

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sgt-paul · 2 years

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PAUL MCCARTNEY THE BEATLES: GET BACK (2021) episode 3: day 21 → the rooftop concert

The greatest revelation, to a casual like me, is young Paul McCartney. My perception of him coming in was almost certainly a product of not studying the subject deeply enough, but I thought of McCartney as a sort of happy puppy dog figure, a la Mr. Peanut Butter in Bojack Horseman, a poppy contrast to the brooding, poetic/psychedelic genius of John Lennon. (...) In Get Back, I realized within minutes exactly how wrong I’ve always been. Above all, the two things that struck me most were McCartney’s sheer intensity and his ridiculous, irrepressible talent. The latter might sound awfully obvious — this is Paul McCartney, idiot, of course he’s an otherworldly talent — but watching him rehearse, riff off his fellow Beatles, and invent melody from thin air makes it clear that I never came close to understanding the scope of it. (...)

But McCartney’s intensity is something else entirely, and totally unexpected. Far from an innocent, he’s infused with pure energy; in ways subtle and overt, he can’t help imposing himself on everyone around him. Even when he’s in his “unfailingly polite” mode (...) he’s brimming with hidden force, the biggest person in the room. (...)

What’s so compelling about Paul McCartney is that more than any of the others, he seemed to want to break free. (...) He’s a one-man army, a force of nature, pick any term you want — they’re all true.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #get back #beatlesedit #my edit #*m #(happy new year to paul mccartney and paul mccartney only 💙)#//#rooftop #mcbeardy #jpm in three-piece suits

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attemptsonherlifepdf · 3 years

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bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act. whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

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gaycatwizard · 3 years

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I feel like "bad/flawed characters that are still likeable" are just some of the Best characters and tend to have a bit more emotional staying power, that they're more relatable and more interesting, more memorable. We need more of them, but they're really... hard to do? Not necessarily hard to make, but hard to do well. Because the amount of flaws and Badness (in a moral/philosophical sense, not quality of a character's design and personality) can vary so drastically, along with the amount of redeeming traits and their potency. It can be hard to want to "copy" or mimic the exact ratio from the character that inspired you. Tangent: it's fine to be inspired by one or more works. It's fine to allow it to influence your works. It's hard distinguishing from "I want to do x, but that's basically just rewriting one of my inspirations but with a palette swap" and "this inspires me so I want to use certain elements/themes/ideas/technical aspects of it." That's not the issue here, y'know. But like... I think the sheer variety you can have in Loveable Asshole characters like that, in the ratio of how bad and how good they are, is part of what makes them so interesting, so realistic, so powerful. Like... there are characters who are overall pretty good people, but are rough around the edges in a way that clearly makes them sympathetic and likeable. There are characters who are basically layer upon layer upon layer of mistakes, hatred, and bile with the tiniest nugget of good at the center, that you rarely get a glimpse of, but feel something raw and enthralling because of that. Like... I think Bojack Horseman is a good example, especially because it has a lot of different Likeable Bad People varieties and it does them all really well. Also Bojack Horseman is a good show and, not unlike JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, I want to talk about it at every given opportunity. Bojack himself is a cynical, selfish, destructive, defensive, spiteful, jealous, vain, self-loathing, stubborn piece of shit. He's a bad person and that's... kind of the point of the show. But his entire character, his entire arc that spans the whole of the series, revolves around the diamond buried deep in that rough. He wants to change, but he's so set in his negative ways (and so used to being surrounded by such negativity and toxicity) that he doesn't really know how. Every time he wants to change, he doesn't know how and fails to keep up with his new habits. Every time he's doing well and making progress, some external factor comes in and pushes him violently back down the mountain, back to square one. But he makes an effort, it's very obvious that he doesn't like being this way, that he regrets the things he does, that he feels remorse for the pain he's caused, and he does finally change and improve, things do finally get better for him. His foil (who has such an AMAZING dynamic and relative arc with him I could write a whole essay just on that), Mr. Peanutbutter, is sort of the exact opposite. They have similar careers and positions in the world, but everything goes right for Mr. Peanutbutter. Everyone likes him, everything is handed to him on a silver platter, he's perfect, he's happy, he's attractive, he's popular, he's everything Bojack isn't, and yet somehow he's drawn to Bojack and always wants to try and be his friend. But as Bojack slowly improves over the show and the softer, nicer, Better side of him becomes more and more prominent and common, the negative side of Mr. Peanutbutter slowly gets revealed over the show. He's also selfish and stubborn and stupid and persistent and dangerously disconnected from reality and his interpersonal skills are absolute shit. He puts on that act to make people like him. As the show goes on, it's slowly revealed that he doesn't really pay attention to the wants or needs of others, like, at all. That he only ever really cares about himself and just wants to do and be everything and anything as long as people like him and it makes him happy, regardless of who it hurts. It's amazing. It's in F is

for Family, too. Netflix Adult Animated Sitcoms are very often hit or miss, but these two are absolute homeruns. Frank, the protagonist, of F is for Family is selfish, violent, short-tempered, arrogant, judgmental, ignorant... but he's remorseful and introspective and intelligent and, in a very convoluted and misguided way most of the time, incredibly caring and devoted. He is a piece of shit and he's terrible, and a lot of why he's still likeable, why he's allowed to be so politically incorrect and abusive is due to the setting. Parenting norms were different back then and, now with hindsight, we know that those norms weren't good and you should NEVER hit or yell at or emotionally degrade your kids. The show is a perfect mix of "everyone is a product of their time and environment" and "no matter the time and place, people are people and we have the same thoughts and feelings and struggles," all without glorifying or excusing the terrible actions of the characters with the excuse of the time period or due to being "protagonists" or having redeeming traits. They're human, flawed, some incredibly so, and that's what makes it so good. It's part of why I like F is for Family more than most Adult Animated Family Sitcoms. You've got the typical stupid, selfish, arrogant, etc. Bad Dad and his Housewife, but there's still chemistry. They're still unique, three dimensional characters that clearly love each other and have a reason to still be together despite arguing and hardship. Same with how Frank and Sue treat their kids. They're not great parents, but they're trying to do their best (which isn't always good) and they do clearly love their kids and want the best for them. Their kids are resentful at times and hate their parents for some of the things they do, but they do stick together at the end of the day because there's that underlying realization that none of the mistreatment is done with malicious intent. That doesn't excuse it, but they're all just fucked up and trying to do their best. And they do have sad, relatable characters that are clearly bad people and aren't likeable, despite having sympathetic traits. Like Ginny. Her husband, that she loves dearly, is gay and simply doesn't love her the way she loves him, their marriage is hollow and empty. But she constantly forces her suffering on others, regardless of whether they want to hear it or are emotionally equipped to do so. Attempting to leave the conversation or explain that other people have problems too means, to Ginny, that you're a terrible human being who can't be there for someone in pain or that you're selfish and disgusting and never stop thinking of yourself. She has every right to be upset, but she takes it out on others and manipulates them, and that's not okay, and the show depicts it that way. There are so many options for character arcs with these characters, too. They don't even have to be related to their flaws, they can be entirely external or related to something like relationships or interests. You can show someone working on their flaws, acknowledging that they're not perfect and they might be bad, but that they want to do better and actively try to do so; they don't avoid responsibility or blame others, they own up to it and do their best to improve. Hell, even just coming to the realization that you are responsible for your actions, not anyone else, and that you have to put in effort to change could be that arc. You can have someone get worse, whether an intentional path of bad decisions without regard for others or a failure to understand which decisions are right. Some people have redeeming traits, but still aren't redeemable. Some people don't get better. Some people still get better, but get worse first. There are so many real, relatable options that show the darker, uglier side of life that we so desperately want to experience and perceive (likely due to the cathartic and taboo aspects), and bringing up flaws and shortcomings and anything else in this context can start interesting conversations and challenge

us to think about things we may not have before, or from a new perspective.

#long post #what the fuck do I call this #character analysis #meta #fuck idk #television #media #character development #character design #writing #bojack horseman #f is for family

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