#but if i go back to the uk id be even further from home than i already am. like im 10hrs travel away now and its abt 24hrs travel to get

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#oh god. i found a lab i want desperately to join #i mean. it prob wont happen bc it feels like she must have some clout. or maybe im just extremely dazzled by her work lol. but like #hhhhhh i wanna join so bad. it looks so perfect. except its in the uk. and i kinda want to get my phd in the us #bc ive experienced the uk uni system and they do not do it like the americans lmao #American colleges try to absolutely crush the life out of u and thats the kinda pressure i crave... bc i have issues #but oh god i would love to go back to England and be in the lab. and be in the lab. and be in the lab!!!! #im gonna have to read all her papers and send her an unhinged email. oh god. please please please make it a perfect fit! #but if i go back to the uk id be even further from home than i already am. like im 10hrs travel away now and its abt 24hrs travel to get #back and forth to English. but whatever its prob not gonna happens so why think abt it now #hhhh but i really wanna go back to England. i could use the trains and actually visit places. not like last time. im a little better now #at least compared to then. for what thats worth #ugh. tomorrow ill read all her papers and then email her. and i wont jinx it. dont jinx it. #logically u know u can't actually jinx things but like my brain doesn't quite believe that. so ill pretend to be casual abt it while trying #to will the univse to let me have this. pls #ugh i need to sleep #unrelated

[strawmice2]

The Basic Principles Of BPSS Definition: 187 Samples

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#bpss check #bpss security clearance #bpss #bpss checks

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Shielded. Chapter One

ANON: Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. [John Wayne]

Since the beginning of lockdown here in the UK, I’ve been making little notes here and there and I’ve finally put something together that is hopefully interesting. It’s set from the start of our isolation back on Friday 20th March and will work its way forwards in time <3 enjoy! Mod MBD.

-- --- --

The Daily Briefing:

She left under the cover of darkness, the atmospheric sheet rain appearing out of nowhere to conceal her as she hid the doorway of a boarded up shop. The ‘closed’ signs that littered the windows of each and every shop on the highstreet illuminated as the lights flickered on, the daylight fading as night enveloped the south of England. It should have been a regular Friday evening, but it wasn’t. And despite the shock of the rest of the nation, she was more than happy for the lockdown to take immediate effect.

A couple of the pubs were still open, the last of their punters being ushered out by groups of policemen and women as the 9pm curfew approached, and though there was still some footfall through the small village, it wasn’t enough to worry her greatly.

She remembered reading YA fiction that started in a similar way and the idea that the whole population might be reduced to some dystopian teen nightmare seemed more than plausible. But at least she’d be far away from society by the time it did. Wondering whether Suzanne Collins and Veronica Roth were somewhere together, raising a glass to their literary insight into such things, she pulled her jacket tighter around her neck to stop the droplets of water running down her chest.

The honk of a horn brought her out of her thoughts as she grabbed her meagre belongings and hid her face from the rain. Getting herself settled in the back of the blacked out van, there was a part of her that scoffed at the idea of danger lurking within as the plain-clothed officers escorting her smiled softly, passing her a towel to wipe the stray drips of moisture from her face. As a child she had, of course, been warned about strangers in vehicles. Now though there were more monsters lurking in her own home than there were anywhere else in the country.

“You might want to get some sleep, if you can, miss.” One of the younger officers said, breaking the silence even with his moderately quiet statement. “It’s a long drive, we’re aiming for eight hours if we can, but it will all depend on the roads.”

Nodding, she pulled a woolen blanket from one of her bags, removed her coat and curled herself against the window. Though she thought sleep impossible, she did manage to doze a little as the car made its way towards the motorway. Her mind went blank as they sped up, she’d spent weeks agonising over this choice, the solid notion of it taking root in her subconscious as the country seemed to spin towards chaos and confusion.

The virus, however, had not been her primary concern. Only her mental and physical survival had taken precedent. It was the prime minister's announcement yesterday that schools and pubs would close the following week that spurred her onwards, and she’d (rather rapidly) responded to the offer she had been levelled with.

If she wanted to disappear, now was her chance.

“John wants you to know that he’s processed the documents you’re going to need and included a shielding letter with that. This should take you until the end of June as well as the furlough payments. He also says you did the right thing.”

Making incomplete thumps against her chest, her heart stopped for a moment as the police officer spoke. She’d been warring with herself for weeks, uncertain of the best course of action. She had, of course, lived with the increasing threat for years before it had finally erupted. John had seen the outcome and had begged her to reconsider his previous offer of assistance having watched her descend into a less than perfect relationship. But she had been convinced that she’d be able to manage.

She hadn’t. An obvious change had taken hold of her husband. He wasn’t the man she married, not by a long shot, and as 2019 came to a close, so did any of his positive attributes. He was a professor, a professional man with many books to his name and he refused to believe his actions had become that of a less than ideal partner.

The first stay in hospital, however, stated otherwise.

“Will I be able to speak to him?”

The officer shook his head sadly. “No, if this is to work, you have to sever all contact with anyone you previously knew, even John. Anything that puts you at risk or could enlighten the wrong people into knowing your whereabouts would jeopardize all of the work we’ve all put in to assure your safety.”

Having had the mood suitably dulled, she lay her head against the window and let several hundred miles pass her by.  

As they crossed the border around midnight, the rain finally began to ease and she smiled at the irony. She hadn’t spent much time in Scotland, but she knew it wasn’t famous for its notoriously glorious weather. Part of her was desperate for some coffee but the further they travelled up the country, the less likely it was that the service stations were 24 hours - nor did she think her drivers would be willing to stop until they’d reached their destination.

Once off the motorway and onto the single track roads that led them further into the highlands, she started to guess at where their final destination might be. When the proposition had first been offered to her, John had given her a number of options of a safe haven - one being a flight away (by that point he had started to take her safety quite seriously). As the grey scenery passed them by, a slight pinking of the sky signalling that dawn was close, she was trying to recall the names of the places he’d suggested though her mind was as much of a blur as the greenery whooshing by the back window.

“I don’t suppose you have anything caffeinated to drink?” She asked. 

Reaching forward, she took the unopened bottle of coke from one of her escorts and relaxed back into her seat.

“Not far away now. There aren't any toilets, though.”

Fatigue was running deep, she could tell by the tiredness in his voice as he spoke and she nodded as she took a sip. The warning was clear; drink it all quickly and there would be no stopping for a break. But she was too thirsty to worry too much.

“Can I ask where we’re going?”

“Just north-west of Inverness. It’s a farm so it’s as remote as they come. It’s single occupancy, the guy who lives there runs his family business. He’s an old contact of John’s, so although there is to be no contact between you, he trusts you’re in safe hands. All shopping is pre organised and will be delivered once every two weeks to ensure neither of you are put at risk leaving the property for supplies.”

“Should I leave the house at all?” At this point she couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic or not but there was an honesty to her question that made the officers answer her quickly.

“No. You have your letter, not that there is anyone around to ask for it, but for the next 12 weeks you should remain inside at all times. No matter how far we take you away from civilization there is always the risk - even during a national pandemic and lockdown - of someone being around, seeing you and passing it on. Where we’re taking you, the owner hasn’t had another friend or family on the property for a number of years. Small communities talk so you should stay inside and out of the view of any members of the local village.”

“Noted.” Replying sadly, she replaced the cap on the half finished bottle of cola and ran her fingers along the inside of her leg. The scar there was still fresh, the heat of it making the hairs on her arms stand on end. She knew that if she wanted this to work, if she wanted to remain hidden, then she would have to obey the rules set.

They drove through Inverness just as 5am hit and the sun rose across the extensive lochs and mountains.

“It might seem far-fetched, the idea that you’ll be located, but we can’t take the risk. We did look through your file, though, and found a name we hope has some resonance to you.” *but nobody else* he thought, but did not say.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. Please pass that on to John, I didn’t even get the chance to tell him how grateful I am. For everything.” Her intrigue had been piqued about her new identity but once she knew who she was going to be for the next few weeks, it would all become real. Whilst they still hadn’t arrived, she could sit and pretend to be existing in an in between - half way between fantasy and reality.

As they pulled off one side-road and onto another her driver passed her an envelope. She could see a small smile lift the side of his mouth as an archway came into view in front of them. “Of course I will, Claire.”

“Claire?”

“Yes,” he returned, bringing his arm up and pointing his finger at the brown packet in her hands, “it’s all in there...the rest of it. Read it, keep the ID documentation and then burn anything you don’t need to use later.”

“Claire.” She whispered to herself.

And in one breath, as a rather large white brick farm house appeared beneath the now large ivy coated arch, Elizabeth Randall died and she instantly became Claire Beauchamp.

#anonymous #ask #;mod mbd #shielded #featuring: john grey #jamie x claire #ficlet #isolation creation

[ibelieveinharrystyles]

Chapter Four: Loverboy

Always Golden Masterlist

TW: Contains brief descriptions of violence

February was a miserable month, Ashley longed for warmth, she longed for the warmth of the sun, she longed for the warmth of Harry’s hug. She sat at her desk in the Capital offices, twiddling her thumbs. “You bored?” Roman asked, popping up out of nowhere, “No, you’re lovesick.”

“I haven’t seen him in two months,” Ashley told him, “And as much as I love you as a friend Ro, it’s a bit shit spending Valentine’s Day here.

“Why don’t you head off early then?” He asked.

“I can’t, we’re on air for another two hours.” She sighed.

“I’ll cover for you, you did it for me when I came back from Australia and jetlag got the better of me.” Roman assured her, “If anyone asks, I’ll tell them you felt sick.”

“Roman you’re a bloody angel.” Ashley smiled, she knew Harry was at the BBC, so contacted the one person she knew she could count on, “Grimmy! How’s it going?”

“It’s too early for this, you know I don’t wake up this early anymore, only sociopaths do that.” Nick mumbled.

“I need your help,” Ashley told him.

“You’re having Harry’s baby?” He cried.

“No, definitely not, but I need your help to get into the BBC.”

“So you’ve decided to leave the dark side?” He replied.

“No, Harry’s doing something on Radio 2 this morning, I haven’t seen him since Christmas, I wanted to surprise him.” Ashley explained.

“I think my life was easier when you two despised each other, the sexual tension between you two does me no favours.” Nick laughed, “Any how, I’ll call the front desk and tell them you’re coming in, take the back entrance as there’ll be lots of fans, and go get your man.”

“Oh Nick thank you so much, love you lots.”

“That’s too much affection for one day, I’m off to bed for another five hours.”

The BBC was impressive, Ashley never got used to the sheer scale of it, the colossal glass building towered above her, she discreetly passed the fans, not wanting to cause a scene. On her way there she had been texting Charlotte, Harry’s pianist as she was giving her regular updates on what was going on. She reached the back entrance with no qualms, a member of security waiting for her eagerly, “Ashley Hanson?” He asked.

“Yep, that's me,” she smiled, showing him her ID as he handed her a security pass, “He still doesn’t know I’m coming does he?” 

“He’s got no clue, they’re just performing their second song, I’ll take you to the viewing gallery where the producers are, you’ll be able to see him, but he can’t see you.” He led Ashley into the dimly lit room full of control panels and several members of the production team, Harry was strumming away on his guitar while singing one of her favourite songs, her dad used to play it during the summer before he got seriously ill. She’d lie with Harry under the big tree in his garden as her dad cut the grass, the two of them would sing the lyrics on repeat until their voices became hoarse. As he finished the show came off air and it was time for the late morning show, she made her way to the green room where the band would return to once they’d finished, texting Charlotte to ask her to make an excuse for Harry to go by himself. She sat on one of the dark leather sofas, until the door pushed open and Harry stood there, a massive grin plastered across his face.

“Not bad loverboy, not bad at all.” Ashley smiled, standing up to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” Harry grinned, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head in the crook of her neck. 

“You know me, Styles, element of surprise and all that.”

“It’s a bloody good surprise though love, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you until this evening.” Harry replied, his arms still wrapped around her waist.

“About that, it seems that every babysitter in the UK has plans tonight, but we have the rest of the day together.” Ashley explained.

“I can cancel, we can have a quiet night in.” Harry replied.

“Honestly it’s fine H, you go and meet the others, I’ll have a night in with Daisy.” Harry had originally asked Ashley to come for dinner with him and some of his closest friends.

“But once we’ve had our day together, you can come and pick her up from nursery with me if you like, she’s been talking about you non stop since Christmas.” 

“I’d love that,” Harry whispered, pecking her lips softly.

After strenuous decision making both Ashley and Harry agreed that a take away at her house was the best option, the press would have a field day if they were seen out together on Valentine’s Day. sticking to their northern routes the pair settled on pie and mash. Having never seen her new house before Harry was beyond impressed with how homely it felt, there was so much of Ashley’s personality in every room, from the pink neon light in the kitchen, to the wall of polaroids she took every time someone new visited the flat. “How come Niall’s on here?” Harry asked, examining the polaroids while she poured them both a cup of tea.

“You aren’t jealous are you Haz?” She giggled.

“I didn’t say that.” Harry huffed.

“Your face did,” She teased, “I’m messing, he came round last summer for a picnic with Daisy, but then it rained so we had one indoors instead.”

“Do you take all the members of One Direction on picnics?” Harry asked.

“Only the pretty ones.” Ashley joked.

“Ash, can I ask you something?” Harry asked as they stood in the playground, alongside other parents, waiting for Daisy.

“Depends what it is.” Ashley smiled, wary of the other parents around them.

“Do you want to come to the Brits with me next week? I was going to ask Gem, but I want you there too.” 

“I’m afraid I’m busy on Tuesday,” Ashley sighed, “I’m presenting an award at the Brits.” 

“No way!” Harry grinned.

“I’m doing it with Niall actually.” Ashley explained.

“That’s incredible love, I’m so proud of you,” He smiled, squeezing her hand. 

“Mummy!” Daisy interrupted their tender moment, running straight into Ashley’s arms.

“Hello monkey, have you been a good girl today?” Ashley asked.

“I’m always good mummy.” Daisy smiled.

“Look who came with me to pick you up bubs.”

“Harry!” Daisy exclaimed, lurching towards his arms, he took hold of her bouncing her in his arms, “I made you a card today Harry.”

“Did you petal?” Daisy handed him a pink piece of card decorated with lots of glitter and hearts, “It’s lovely, thank you Dais, I’ll put it on my shelf when I get home.” Harry told her softly.

“Mummy, can we take Harry to the donut shop?” Daisy asked, fluttering her eyelashes, “Pretty please.”

“Harry’s a busy boy my sweet, you’ll have to ask him that.” Ashley told her.

“I’d love to go for donuts with you petal.” Harry replied. 

It was the late evening, donuts had been eaten and enjoyed, Daisy had insisted on taking a picture of Harry for the wall and now she was curled up, watching Moana with Ashley. Harry had left for his dinner engagement, even though he insisted he could cancel. Eventually Ashley decided to put Daisy to bed, as a late night wasn’t going to do her any favours, as she pulled the bedroom door shut her phone began buzzing frantically, she opened it to see several missed calls from an unknown number, “Hello?” she said when she called it back.

“Hello, is that Ashley Hanson?”

“Speaking.”

“Would you be able to come down to Hackney police station please? I’m afraid your friend has been the victim of an attempted mugging.” The police officer explained.

“Is it Harry?” Ashley whispered as her voice wobbled.

“I’m sorry, I can’t give sensitive information like that on the phone.” Ashley hung up immediately, calling Lou and practically begging her to come round and look after Daisy, to which she agreed.

Ashley ran and ran until her legs stung with pain, the police station was a good twenty minute walk from her house, but she was too scared to wait for a bus, the heavy rain didn’t do her any favours, splashing down onto her skin as she continued to sprint to the station. As she arrived she saw Harry leaving, he looked as pale as a sheet, tears filled her eyes when she saw him, she fell to the ground in tears in front of him, “Hey, love, it’s alright, I’m fine.” Harry whispered, stroking her hair as he crouched beside her, holding her in his arms.

“This is all my fault H, I should’ve come with you for dinner, I could’ve stopped this.” She sobbed.

“Ash, one of them had a knife, neither of us would’ve been able to do anything.” Harry assured her.

“When they called me I was terrified I’d lost you, stay with me Harry, don’t ever let me go.” Ashley told him.

“Always Ash, I promise.”

***

It was the day of the Brits, for the first time since the attack Harry had gone back to his house, he had been staying with Ashley since it happened, because she was terrified something could happen to him again. But they both needed to get ready for the awards, and for that they both needed their own space, Ashley had called upon Lou and Lottie to help her get ready, she figured it made sense seeing how well she knew them. Daisy was being looked after by Lou’s sister at Lou’s house, making the whole process somewhat more bearable. “Well it looks like you’re all done, shall we get you into that dress?” Lou remarked, the dress was a mission and a half to put on. Although she was only presenting an award she wanted to prove that she was there from her own doing, not because she was just Harry’s plus one. 

The skirt spanned further than she expected, but again it was worth it, “Will I do?” Ashley asked as she entered the kitchen.

“I mean if Harry doesn’t get down on one knee, I definitely will,” Lottie smiled, helping Ashley with any last touch ups.

As her car pulled up at the red carpet Ashley began feeling sick to the bottom of her stomach. She’d never had to do a red carpet before, especially one as prestigious as the brits. The driver opened the door and she was met with waves of excited screams, she assumed they thought Harry was sat with her, but even when they realised he wasn’t, their screams remained loud. She took her place walking along the red carpet, allowing each photographer to blind her with the flash of their cameras. As she left she bumped into Niall who was catching up with some old mates, “Ash! look at you! You look incredible!” Niall exclaimed, greeting her with a hug, “I’m going to look underdressed presenting this award with you.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself Horan,” She smiled, “I suppose this is your first time presenting too, seeing as you boys have always been on the receiving end.” 

The awards were in full swing and thankfully Ashley and Niall’s award had been the first one, meaning she was able to fully let her hair down and enjoy the party. “Hello stranger, you up for a drink?” she felt Harry’s familiar warm hands on her shoulders as he whispered to her, she stood up and followed him over to the bar, away from prying eyes. “Love you look phenomenal.” He grinned, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

“I could say the same about you, and your performance was incredible, you smashed it as always.” Ashley told him, “I matched the dress to your bow tie deliberately.”

“I guessed so,” Harry smiled.

“When’s your interview?” Ashley asked.

“I’d say it’s about half an hour or so.”

“You can do a lot in half an hour.” Ashley whispered.

Harry glanced up at her, “You mean? Here?” 

“You’ve got a dressing room don’t you?” Ashley replied.

“Yeah.” Harry smirked.

“Well then, we best get a move on.” Ashley took hold of his hand, pulling him towards the backstage area.

Their lips were interlocked as soon as Harry fling the door open, kicking it shut and locking it before they made their way towards the tiny couch. Harry continued to place delicate kisses on Ashley’s collarbone, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this H.” Ashley whispered.

“Oh trust me, I do.” Harry replied, trying to undo the back of her dress, “Did you have to wear such a hefty dress?” Harry chuckled, fumbling with the buttons that lined her spine.

“I heard you loved a challenge, it took you long enough to make a move on me.” Ashley whispered, peppering Harry’s jaw with kisses, “Besides, you’re bad enough with this daft bow tie, how’d you expect me to take that off?” 

“All part of the challenge princess, all part of the challenge,” Harry muttered, sliding the straps of Ashley’s dress down past her shoulders, the sheer weight of the skirt pulling it to the floor, leaving her body bare. 

“If you’re wanting round two when we get home, you're going to love my after party dress.” Ashley grinned.

“Why’s that?” 

“It’s a lot smaller than this one.” Ashley proceeded to unbutton Harry’s shirt as he removed his blazer and tie, until his torso was exposed, the tattoos Ashley once dreamt of, there in front of her. She proceeded to trace her fingers over his famous butterfly tattoo as her lips found his again. Harry lifted her from her dress that sat at her ankles and moved her so that her unclothed back was against the cold dressing room wall. 

“Where did you two get to earlier then? Jack was about to interview Gemma instead, you literally made it with seconds to spare.” Roman asked, it was the Brits after party and the music was booming. Harry and Ashley had just about composed themselves after their fleeting dressing room rendezvous. Harry raised his eyebrows at Roman as he took a sip of his complimentary drink.

Gemma glanced between Ashley and Harry, “Fuck sake Harry, at the brits? Really? Actually I don’t want to know.” Gemma said uncomfortably.

“Ro, shall we go get some more drinks?” Ashley suggested, unable to look Gemma in the eye. They made their way through crowds of people, over to the bar, “So you and Harry at the brits huh?” Roman asked as they ordered another round.

“Are we really going to go on about this all night?” Ashley sighed.

“I knew how you felt about each other, I just didn’t think you’d get down to business at the brits.” Roman replied.

“Make it sound seedy, why don’t you?” As they returned to Gemma and Harry, she noticed they were joined by someone else, someone she recognised as Kendall. She’d only met Kendall a couple of times, and safe to say she didn’t think much of her. Harry used to invite Ashley out to America over the summer when she was at college and they’d spend all day together, until Kendall invited herself over and Ashley was simply the third wheel.

“You know Harry has a girlfriend now,” Gemma smiled, making polite conversation with Kendall.

“Really? who is she?” Kendall replied.

“That’d be me.” Ashley stated, handing Harry his drink and placing a kiss on his cheek as he rested his hand on her back that was now exposed thanks to her new white after party dress. Roman and Harry shot knowing glances at each other, impressed by Ashley’s brazen confidence.

“You? I certainly didn’t see that one coming.” Kendall replied. 

“It’s funny how life works out isn’t it?” Ashley remarked, sipping on her cocktail. 

“Truly, I should probably head off, it’s fashion week and I’ve got to be up early tomorrow.” She smiled, “See you soon Harry.” She moved to kiss him on the cheek as he swerved her advance. 

“Fucking hell Ash, I’ve never seen you like that, I have to say, I’m impressed.” Roman said once Kendall had left the group.

“I can’t help it,”  Ashley smirked “I played third wheel to those two for too long.” 

“You’re cute when you get territorial.” Harry grinned, kissing the top of her head.

“You’re just cute in general.” Ashley replied.

#BEST FRIEND HARRY #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #one shot #one direction #harry styles one shot #one direction memes #imagine #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #vogue italia #fine line #louis tomilson #headers #harry styles fanfic #harry smut #boyfriend harry styles

[mother-snake]

the grims wish

(the next series im writting!!! and its got a first chapter! also should i bring my oc’s into this??) tags: @idkanameatall

next: n/a warnings: swaring

- janus is a magician. he has been since he was nine. and recently, things have been changing... its up to him and several others to fix whats gone wrong

Chapter 1- it was a stormy day

there were once skies filled with wonderful things. Birds, bugs, planes and clouds. the earth had people walking the streets getting to work. Some would ride bikes and others drive via car, bus or taxi. the planet filled with beautiful stones and flourished green everywhere.

Now things were changing. Ever since the lunar eclipse almost 100 years ago now. Things changed. the eclipse lasted for an entire day, and when it had stopped… two suns were in the sky. One shining bright and the other barely duller.

The people of the planet changed. Some could transform into wild animals; others couldn’t walk in the light. Some could manipulate the elements with spells. very few people had changed however. Most people stayed the same. And that meant the fear of the unknown would resurface. Those who had changed learned to adapt to the less forgiving.

Some would band together and try and find a place to fit in. some did, others couldn’t. starving of hunger or dying from the harsh winters.

I was one of the less fortunate. After I had turned 18 id been kicked out of my home with sunny by my side. sunny was my familiar. Looking like a boa constrictor but almost ghostly. You could see through her yellow shinny body. But her black eyes could pierce through your own skin.

Right now, she was wrapped around me like a thick warm scarf. Trying her best to provide me some warmth as the rain thundered down onto the ground. I was already soaked to the bone and an icy feeling had already set into my bones.

I looked around the streets, vision being blurred by the rain that poured relentlessly.

I pushed myself of the ground where I sat. there was no place open for me to sit in. and if there was, they didn’t take too kindly to magicians. that’s what I hated about coming back here. but there wasn’t anywhere else to travel to.

I grumbled as my hood fell down. Exposing my already wet hair to the rain. At least with it up I could contain some warmth. I didn’t bother to put it back up. there was no point in doing so.

I let out a huff. My feet made barely any noise as I made my way down the street. If there was one place, I could go it was the train station. But even then, I was cutting it close.

A loud bark cut me out of my thoughts as I felt something grab the hood of my jacket and tug me backwards as a car raced in front of my vision.

Whatever was holding onto me let go and I swivelled on my heel to face it. my eyes locked onto a black dog. It stood up to my height. Its glowing indigo eyes alerted me to the fact it wasn’t human. it glanced to my neck and looked curiously at my familiar.

“thanksss,” sunny hissed to the dog who barked back in response.

It nodded to me and soon a bright blue light swarmed where it stood. Shifting to the form of a human. A tall one at that. “sorry for the scare,” they said.

He wore a black suit. A blue stripped tie matched his animal’s eyes. a black umbrella was raised in the air, protecting him from the rain. A small part of me was jealous. Another part slightly ready to turn tail and run.

“come, we should get out of the rain, I have a feeling it won’t let up any time soon,” he said as he held out a hand. sunny turned her head to look at me and gave a small nod. Well if she could trust him. So could I.

I took his hand and was pulled under the umbrella. It wasn’t much. but it was nice to not have rain pouring over me. we walked silently next to each other. Not saying a single word. I hunched myself over. My overgrown hair covering the left side of my face. something I was thankful he couldn’t see.

“so,” he said, “may I ask for your name?” “Janus, and you?” “Logan berry. It’s a pleasure Janus,” he said loudly, trying to talk over the rai.

We turned a corner. I chuckled as I realised the school I’d gone to so long ago was still around. It was by no means small. It stood proudly in the storm. A small part of me felt my spine shiver. As if something from inside was looking into my soul.

Then before I knew it was out of vision.

 It was around ten minuets later that we arrived to a very posh looking set of apartments. Definitely not new. I recognised them.

Soon we were inside one. A deep red door with the numbers 24 plastered on neatly. Logan opened the door and ushered me inside. It was a lot different than I had imagined. The entrance hall had several doors lined up on either side. A couple were open.

“hey Logan its good to-“ a voice called. the figure at the end of the hall stood stunned upon seeing me, his eyes going wide upon seeing sunny. “oh my, Logan can you grab a towel for the poor soul?” he said.

Logan gave a sharp nod before patting my arm as if saying ‘good luck’. I let a weak smile on my face as I made my way forwards as he ushered me further in. warmth seeped into my bones. Something I had been very thankful for. Almost relaxing as it hit my skin. sunny let out a content hiss as well. I’m not really sure if it was because she was warm or if it was because she knew I was. a mini mother snake is what she was… and I was perfectly fine with that.

“my names Patton, you’re more than welcome to stay here to wait out the storm he said as he ruffled my wet hair. he let out a chuckle, making his way out of view.

Thankfully Logan chose that moment to walk in. a towel in hand and some other things. “I brought you a change of clothes, I have a feeling those cant be very comfortable nor hygienic right now,” he said, “the bathroom is down the hall. Second door to the right.

I stood there stunned. My mind seemingly frozen. “I think you broke my human,” sunny hissed over to Logan as she looked at me with a smirk.

“I never asked for your name, my apologies,” Logan said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “sssummer, but my human callsss me sssunny,” she said.

I shook my head, snapping out of my thoughts, “are you certain? I don’t want to intrude,” I muttered. “it’s quite all right Janus. I know what its like being out there. To be honest you look like you need a place to stay for tonight. So, might as well get comfy.”

I nodded and made my way to the bathroom. so…Patton and Logan hu? Were they now my friends?

I’m not surprised at Logan knowing what its like to be on the streets for so long. He looked at least two years older than me. His skin was a pale white, black ebony hair seemed to contrast his skin. and sky-blue eyes that could melt the iciest of hearts.

A small flush of the cheeks was all it took for me to take the things he was holding and make my way into the hall. the bathroom hadn’t been hard to miss. Going in had made me chuckle. Several shelves on the walls held rubber ducks. Multi coloured and wearing clothing of famous figures.

I couldn’t resist the smile that slipped onto my face.

 I was out of the room within five minutes. My hair was still slightly damp, but at least not dripping onto my back.  I pulled it back into a ponytail. But kept the left half covered by my hair.

I took a deep breath. All my damp clothes were shoved into my previously empty backpack. I picked it up and opened the door. Laughter rung in my ears. But it was familiar. One I hadn’t heard in years.

I could feel both mine and sunny’s excitement flooding us all at once. I made my way forwards and peaked my hear around the corner and let a grin cover my face.

“ah! There you are kiddo,” Patton said excitedly, grabbing my hand and dragging me in.

“holy shit,” moustache said, “dude, how the fuck are you still alive?!” the strangers in the room seemed startled for a couple seconds. “Remus, I haven’t an idea,” I said as we brought each other into a hug.

“seven fucking years Jannie. Seven fucking years,” he muttered as he held on tighter. “eh, could’ve been longer,” I looked over Remus’s shoulder to see his gobsmacked twin, “hello roman.”

“wait, you two know Janus?” Patton said stunned “hell yeah!” Remus exclaimed, “we went to the same school.”

“well anyways, have time to talk,” Patton said, “dinners in the oven and id like to get to know our guest,”

And that’s how the evening went. I answered their questions. Mainly the twins spitting them out rapid fire. there were plenty of laughs as I told them about everywhere id been. They had seemed genuinely surprised that I had been everywhere it seemed. With the limits of being in the uk, it was much easier to travel around than if I were to be in America. I would most likely still be roaming thinking about it.

 Time passed quicker than I’d realised. Soon the rain had stopped pouring from the sky. Instead replaced by an inky black sky. Clouds seemed to cover the sky as I looked out the window.

Sunny shimmered back into view from her invisible cloaking on the window ledge. “he hassn’t changed, hasss he?” she hissed out. “ha, indeed,” I muttered back, letting out a yawn.

There was a knock on the main door. I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard someone open the door and slam it behind themselves. “hey guys!” oh god… this wouldn’t go down well… “hey Virgil, we have a guest for today so be polite okay,” Patton called out.

When Virgil entered the Livingroom, basically commons for them. He froze as he saw me sitting by the window. “oh for fuck’s sake, why are you here?” he groaned. “trust me, ill be out of your hair soon enough Virgil. I promise,” I sighed, “I already feel like I’m intruding.”

He gave me a pat on the back and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small clip. he reached up to my face and pulled my hair out of my face, clipping it back with a spider hairclip. “you will have shitty vision if you keep covering that side you know?

I sighed, there was no point on letting my hair fall back into place. From memory Virgil seemed to have hair and bobby pins all over himself. There was no hiding from the onslaught of hair accessories.

“so… what you been doing these past three years then?” he asked nervously.

I chuckled and began to recount all I’d previously told the others. it had been a while since he had felt welcome anywhere. And here in this small pack of monsters and humans… he hadn’t felt at home ever more than now.

#Janus sanders #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #Virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #magic au #sander sides magic au #new series!

[cordoniantrash]

Once Upon Another Time

AU: In another time where the brothers Beaumont did not reach Cassandra in time, the waitress turned lady went back to New York to rebuild her old life. After finding an unexpected souvenir, she set off and joined her long lost family. Four years later, a newly divorced King of Cordonia arrives in New York in hopes of reuniting with his beloved. Instead of Cassandra, all he found was a postcard with the word Edgewater written on the back.

Hi! New series alert! So, this concept might be a little too over done, seeing as there are so many fics about this, but what the hell, I’m adding my own two cents in. This is an AU with a bit of cross-over (TRR and D&D) elements mixed in, plus my own headcanons on TRR MC’s family. Constructive criticism is very much welcome. Grammatical mistakes are my own.

Thanks to @thequeennefertipi​ for betaing!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, Pixleberry has that privilege, title for both the series and the chapter titles, plus the epigraphs are from Sara Bareilles’ discography  

Pairing: Liam x MC 

Warning: swearing

Words: 2755

Prologue: Manhattan

You can have Manhattan 

‘Cause I can’t have you

 Cordonia International Airport, four years ago.

The room was too bright. All harsh fluorescent lights and bare white walls. Its image brings to mind a hospital rather than an airport. A woman was sitting on a chair waiting for a flight to New York. A few feet away, men wearing black suits were casually leaning against a pillar. To a casual observer, nothing was amiss, not that they’d look around. Most of the people in that waiting area sat transfixed, either looking at some of the large TVs stationed around the area or else looking at their phones. It felt as though the whole room was standing still. It was, after all, the night that their crown prince was made the king.

For Cassandra Angeles, however, the world was spinning. It was barely an hour ago that she was escorted (with too much force) out of the Royal Palace and was ordered to go back to New York.

I left my flower on the bathroom counter, she thought, I should have taken it with me. Her gaze fell to the floor, eyes not seeing what was in front of her. Thoughts of what happened to the flower she’d worn in her hair tumbled through her head; did they throw my flower out? Did he? He’s probably too busy right now. 

She remembered his shy smile, the way he carefully placed the flower in her hair, his sure hands helping her brush stray grass from her skirts, the way their cheeks had hurt from smiling too much. Those three words.

Cassandra breathed out a sigh. In the cool air-conditioned room, she felt numb.

A final thought lopped into the jumbled mess in her mind:

Did he really believe those photos? 

An announcement blared from the speakers.

Cassie looked up as the PA announced her flight number. She could feel the stare of the two bodyguards standing a few feet away. With a sigh, she rose and took hold of her belongings. She took a deep breath, gripped her suitcase handle, and walked towards the boarding gate.

A moment later, the brothers Beaumont rushed to the waiting room only to be greeted by an empty seat and two burly bodyguards.

Back at the royal palace, the newly crowned King received a phone call. An hour later he set in motion a series of events he hoped would clear Cassandra’s name. 

x

New York felt like a dream to Cassie. Surreal and hazy ‘round the edges. Not quite there. The city had always been home to her; now it felt unsteady. Home was somewhere else now. There had been moments when she felt that she was dreaming; that she would wake up and find herself back in her bed in Cordonia, Maxwell knocking on the door ready to drag her along to another social function.

After months and weeks spent in luxury, being back in her old life felt strange. It didn’t quite fit. Bills she had ignored for months resurfaced. Huffy landlords had to be placated. The carefully ordered world she made for herself collapsing and leaving ruins in its wake.

Amid all this chaos, Daniel became a welcome refuge. Her old friend had offered her a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on. After seeing her red-rimmed eyes and her hastily packed bags, he had mercifully kept from asking questions. 

In the weeks that followed her return, Cassandra would wait every day for Liam and the others to contact her. A week passed.

Then a month.

Nothing.

Cassandra had entertained the thought of contacting them herself, but every time she tried, her last sight of the ballroom would always flash in her mind’s eye. Her heart would clench and fingers would hesitate before she’d put the thought away. In the back of her mind, a persistent whisper asked where is he now?

The start of the second month was when anger began to surface. Had they just discarded her? Was this all that she was now? A scandal to be buried and forgotten? Her stomach would roll and she’d feel sick at the thought. Was Drake right all along?

The third month came and with it, was desperation and countless what-ifs. As Cassie tried to establish order once more, placing one foot in front of the other, they would dog her very steps and whisper doubts into her mind. Cassandra had taken to visiting her grandmother’s grave when it got too much. Burying herself in the past just to escape a different set of memories.

It was after one of those visits when she received a phone call. Her heart jumped and her fingers shook. Could this be it? Her heart sank when she saw the caller id. It was from Daniel.

“Hey, Danny.”

“Cassie! You busy?”

“Was about to head back, actually. Why?”

“Well…” Daniel paused, “a package came for you. Looks fancy.”

Her heart jump-started again. Cassandra stood still at the gate of the cemetery. She swallowed. “D -- did you see an address?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. That’s the thing. It’s from the UK.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “The what now?”

She can almost see him roll his eyes. “The UK Cassie. Focus! Anyway, I’m very curious and I got a shift in an hour, so don’t open it until I get back!”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “It’s my package dummy. I open it anytime I damn well please.”

“Ugh. You’re so British when you say that. But you’ll tell me what’s in it yeah?”

“Yeah yeah. Got to go. Bye!”

x

The package was just a package. Cassie had expected some grand old box with how Daniel said it was fancy. The contents were rather typical. Two tins of cookies, or biscuits as her gran would insist back then, all of them Gran Cece’s favourites, a well-knitted scarf, a nice woollen hat, an old postcard of some grand English manor and a letter.

The last one was strange.

The stationery was high end. Plain but elegant with clean blue lines and woven writing paper. A subtle scent wafted from it. Lavender. It was familiar, Cassandra mused, recalling instances in her childhood, (back when her parents were still there) when she saw similar papers clutched in her grandmother’s hands. She had been fascinated by the pretty blue of the envelopes and had asked her Gran about them. Gran smiled, small and sad, and said they came from her sister. That had been the end of it.

It was only when she grew older, after the screams and the twisted metal and the smoke and the knock that changed everything, that she realized they weren’t alone after all. Somewhere across the pond was family, and somewhere further east was her father’s whole past. On days when she got particularly lonely, she would daydream. Cassie had then decided that she would go and see the world. Meet her family wherever they are, her Gran Cece at her side. Then Gran got sick, Cassie got swamped in college and work and those dreams fell to the wayside, only to be revived by a pair of warm brown eyes and a trip to a small Mediterranean country. 

After munching on some cookies, Cassie opened the letter. Who sends letters these days? She thought bemused. God, even the writing paper’s fancy.

My dearest Cassandra,

I know you might not remember me, and you might find it strange that I am only just contacting you after all these years. I’m terribly sorry about that. Your grandmother might have mentioned me from time to time, but if she hasn’t, then let me introduce myself to you now. My name is Clara Sinclaire-Harper and I’m your grandmother’s sister. 

I’m sure you have questions. I’ll be more than happy to answer them although if you also want nothing to do with me and your grandmother’s past then I understand. The reason I’m writing to you now is to extend an invitation to you. I’ve heard of the unfortunate happenings a few months ago in Cordonia. My dear girl, I’m not here to bring you criticism or anything of that sort. What I’m offering you is an escape from that unfortunate incident. Should you wish it, you are more than welcome to Edgewater, our family’s estate here in England. 

You are my blood and our family has been separated long enough. I understand if you are reluctant to trust a letter sent to you by some stranger. If you want to talk or to simply ask questions, attached to this letter is my personal contact information. I’ll be eagerly awaiting your reply.

Sincerely,

Aunt Clara

x

Cassie was still sat on the couch, cookie crumbs on her lap when Daniel came back from his shift.

“Please tell me you haven’t been stuck in that position for hours.”

 Cassandra stirred. “Hhmm?”

“Earth to Cassie!” Daniel said over the sound of cupboards opening. “It’s my turn to cook tonight. What’re you in the mood for?”

“Oh. Uh. You pick Danny. I think I’m gonna lie down for a bit.” Cassie said preparing to get up.

“Nuh-uh sister. Sit the fuck down.” He makes his way to the couch. “What’s wrong?”

Cassie handed him the letter and looked out the window. She watched from the corner of her eye as Daniel’s mouth dropped in shock.

“Holy shit.”

“Tell me ‘bout it.”

“Did you know anything about this?”

“Kinda? I mean, I sorta knew we had family across the pond. And I think she helped with the funeral expenses back then, plus you’ve met Gran so…” she shrugged, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised?”

“But where has she been all these years?”

“In England you dummy,” Cassie said while rolling her eyes.

“Pft. You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know. Should I ask her that? It’s not too rude is it?”

“She’s practically inviting you to ask! Plus she owes you some kind of explanation. Grandma Cece died two years ago, where was she then?” he paused. “Are you gonna call her?”

Cassie sighed. “I mean, I gotta right? After dinner though. I need food to face this.”

x

It took two rings before she answered.

“You’ve reached the private line of Her Lady Harper, Countess of Edgewater. May I take a message?”

“Oh, um,” Cassie paused her lady? Countess? What the actual fuck? Silently she scrambled for the etiquette lessons that Bertrand dictated. After taking a deep breath she continued. “This is Cassandra Angeles. The erm, Countess is expecting me.” The last part sounded like a question. Cassie cringed.

“Oh, of course! Please hold for a moment.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

 Cassandra fidgeted. A beat of silence then a voice.

“Hello?” The accent was smooth, polished, aristocratic and heart-achingly familiar. For a moment she remembered warm arms and chamomile tea, a tinkling laugh and a smile just for her. Then she was back in her shared apartment in busy New York talking to an aunt that she’s never met.

“Cassandra? Are you there?”

“Oh yes. Sorry ‘bout that. Um, I’m here yeah.”

“I see,” Cassie can hear a hint of amusement in the otherwise pleasant tone. “I’m so glad you decided to call. Did you like the package I sent you?”

“Oh, it’s the least I could do. I, uh really liked those. And the scarf! Was really nice.” Cassandra wanted to bang her head on the wall. Why am I so bad at small talk? Why are we doing small talk? 

As if sensing her thoughts Clara (Aunt Clara? Lady Clara? Her Ladyship? What the fuck am I supposed to call her?) said, “I assume you’re calling not just to thank me for the package?”

“Erm no. I just – that is, I’m, uh, wondering if you’re really my aunt?” Why did you start with that? 

Cassie heard her laugh through the phone, the sound so eerily familiar, “Oh that. Well, I’m technically your mother’s aunt. Grandaunt would be a more appropriate title, wouldn’t it? But it’s such a mouthful not to mention it makes me sound like some old withered crone! You can just call me Aunt Clara. Or even auntie! I’ve never been called auntie,” she paused, “unless you don’t want to of course.”

Cassandra cleared her throat. “I’d, um, I’d like that very much. Calling you auntie I mean.”

“Oh, that’s such a relief to hear! Now dear, unto other questions, yes?”

x

“So how was it?” Daniel asked, nearly buried under his pile of pillows. Cassandra plopped down and snatched the nearest pillow she could reach.

“Apparently there was some drama when Gran got pregnant with my mom. My great-granddad threw her out of the family and married her sister to their family friend so she couldn’t go after Gran. Then, get this, the guy that Auntie got married to? He just kicked the bucket, that’s why she’s suddenly contacting me right now. Crazy, huh?”

“What even is your family Cassie?” 

Cassandra let out a laugh and said, “Tell me about it.”

“So does that mean you guys are actually crazy rich?”

“Heh. Here’s the thing. My Aunt Clara? She’s actually… kinda is titled?”

“What?” Daniel had bolted out his cocoon, scattering pillows across the small room. 

“She’s a countess in England?” 

“You’ve got blue blood, is that what you’re saying?”

“I mean, ish? Dad’s a nurse and the rest of his siblings’ in the Philippines if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, what I’m saying is that you’ve got a lady for an aunt! Does that make you her heir?”

“What? No. I’ve got cousins. They’re gonna be her heirs.”

“So, what now? Are gonna be one happy family?”

“She, uh, kinda invited me to stay with her. At the family estate. God, that sounds so weird.”

“Are you gonna accept?”

“I – I’m not sure.”

x

Shanghai, China 

Meanwhile, amid all the glitz and glamour of an engagement tour, the fragile bond between a father and his son is torn apart by a conspiracy.

x

New York, the next day

Cassandra stood in front of a mirror, head bent, both of her hands flat on the bathroom counter. Her gaze pinned on two pink lines. 

What do I do? Do I tell him? How? It’s gonna be a scandal! Oh, he’s gonna hate me. If he hasn’t already. 

I need to get away.

I need – 

She raised her head and met her eyes at the mirror. Cassie fished her phone from her purse. 

“Hey, Auntie. It’s Cassie. About that offer…”

x

The JFK, two days later

Cassandra Angeles looked up as the PA announced her flight number. She finished typing her text to Daniel, took a deep breath and took hold of her belongings and walked towards the gates.

On the other side of the landing strip, a royal jet had just landed. 

x

UN Headquarters, night time

King Liam of Cordonia stepped out into the balcony. The ceremonies have been finished and obligations dealt with. He was finally alone. He looked at the New York skyline. On the surface, the city looked the same as it was months ago when he first arrived in New York; Wide-eyed but resigned to his fate. Liam, however, had changed from the man he was then. The Liam that returned was even more at a loss than his past self. 

I always thought I’d return here with you. 

The thought of seeing her again, however angry she might be, was the only thing that kept him together all throughout the tour. Let her be angry with me if that’s what it takes. Just let me see her again.

His (their) friends have long since gone to Los Angeles in search of Tariq. For Liam, it seemed like this was the first time in this whole tour that the group had seemed united. He felt a faint flicker of hope. Maybe now that they’re here, they might find her. After all, he thought, it wouldn’t be too suspicious to run into her here. 

Madeline had been suspicious but there was nothing she could do, yet a small voice in his mind added. After all, there had been no sign of Cassie, no contact, not that he’d blame her; Their friends had no inkling of where she’d gone, even though Drake had asked around her old bar and Bastien and his team yielded little results. This confession would mean little if she’s not there. 

“Where had you gone?” he whispered. No one answered him. 

#

I know its a bit wordy but if you guys wanna be tagged let me know.

#series: once upon another time #emgee tries to write #playchoices #trr #trh #liam x mc #king Liam x mc #choices: stories you play #choices trr #choices trh

[paullicino]

Point Roberts

Taken from and generously funded by my Patreon.

“Who else is doing a landing?” asked the customs officer. Someone put their hand up as well as me. Someone else had just had their documents completed. Another person responded affirmatively to every single question asked, including the one about landing, because she was either confused or just wanted to beat the queue.

There wasn’t much of a queue to beat. The waiting room of the border crossing was the size of a living room. On the other side of a broad counter, half a dozen Canadian immigration officers sat around desks, quietly typing away as if they were doing any other job in the world.

* * *

A landing is a formal arrival in Canada. It marks your change of immigration status. Of course, to arrive in Canada, a person must first be outside of Canada. Fortunately, even though Canada is the second-largest country in the world, I was pretty near the edge of it.

I was near a  very weird edge of it.

But before I tell you about Point Roberts, I should probably tell you about the corner of British Columbia called the Lower Mainland. Vancouver and its surrounding settlements are all within twenty miles of the United States, making a trip to a different country a very quick, even spontaneous affair. If you’re a Canadian, you can even cross this border without being photographed, fingerprinted or interviewed. Then, suddenly, you’re in the land of Different.

And the land of Different presents all sorts of possibilities, possibilities with substantial economic considerations. Gasoline is much cheaper. Electronics often are, too. International shipping and distribution are no longer relevant, as you become the importer of your own goods. And, in Washington State, firearms are readily available and long guns can be bought by American citizens without need of any permit, or by “non-immigrant aliens” if they spend a hundred and fifty dollars getting a state ID, a hunting license and an Alien Firearms License.

If I stayed in Washington State and got those documents could buy this Barratt rifle that takes bullets half an inch in diameter and which can hit targets almost two miles away. I just called the gun shop to check. They said yes.

The economic pull of the United States pulls Lower Mainlanders south a lot. They order packages to special shipping centers just across the border, then rush back with them. They fill up their cars. They head to shopping malls and department stores. They find everything that’s Different.

This can sometimes create weird problems for distribution. Why even bother to try to sell your product in the Lower Mainland when so many of the customers there are going to come to your country to get it? Why even ship it?

Americans are  pulled the other way by the relative strength of their dollar. Right now, those dollars stretch 33% further. They drive up to eat, to camp, to study and to buy medications, including insulin. For someone in Seattle, it’s an easy day trip. For someone closer, it’s barely an afternoon.

As a European, I know that there’s a different version of this strange symbiosis in so many places. Scandinavia has its jokes about who is buying alcohol from which country. British travellers head to France for cheap wine and cigarettes. Italy and France... argue about fashion.

Weird things happen at borders. Weird things. It’s a weird thing to divide the world so arbitrarily and it creates weird behaviours. You walk a short distance and reality is suddenly different. Or you are different. Or both.

* * *

All this contributes to Point Roberts being a weird, weird corner of the world. History is geography, particularly if Britain is involved and, in a classically British move, the Oregon Treaty of 1846 drew a big and broad line across western North America at the 49th Parallel. It divided the continent between the UK and the US. Broad strokes are rarely wise and not only were there some subsequent arguments over who owned which islands (during which a pig was tragically killed), there was also the issue of a piece of land two miles long, jutting south out of Canada.

It’s ours, said the United States. We’re keeping it. They filled it up with soldiers and it became a stopping-off point for travellers headed elsewhere. It would be a little over fifty years before settlers had permission to make their homes there and then the 20th Century would see a gradual influx of immigrants from… Canada.

Point Roberts is full of Canadians. Not completely, but significantly. They own holiday homes. They own boats. They are visiting to collect packages. They are visiting to buy gasoline. They are visiting for the summer. Meanwhile, the Americans there have no hospital, no dentist, no public transport and no high school. They have a lighthouse. They have an airfield. They have a single border crossing through which all traffic must come and go. They assume you’ll have a car.

I walked across it, but not before a man on a bicycle beat me to it, pedalling off into the United States to never be seen again. A sign told pedestrians to follow little painted footprints up to an office door and a man inside asked why I was visiting his country. I had to tell him that I wasn’t and to kick me out.

* * *

Flagpoling is the act of leaving Canada and returning to validate a new visa or, in my case, Permanent Residence documents. I could, in theory, also book an appointment somewhere in Canada to validate my documents but the waiting time for this is long and if you want to be seen within sixty days you must classify as urgent.

People flagpole at the US border all the time. They flagpole at Peace Arch, the fancy monument between British Columbia and Washington. They flagpole at Niagara Falls. They flagpole at Lewiston, Ontario or Sault Ste Marie.

The thing is, all those border crossings are busy. They’re full of tourists and travellers and guards and security. In Point Roberts, one bored man in an office stamped my passport, gave it back to me and told me to walk back around the small building he worked in to the other small building that the Canadians worked in. His colleagues talked about a party that was happening later.

I looked south. A long, bare road ran all the way down to the sea. There were no barriers anywhere. I could just… walk off. The man continued to be bored. Do you need to escort me, I asked him?

“Do you need to be escorted?” he asked. “Are you a danger?”

I walked out. I was in the United States and there was nothing between me and the rest of it. There was, I guess, a chance for the bored man to pursue me if I dashed south. There was also only two miles of land for me to flee too. The range of a high caliber rifle round.

There were hardly any cars. There were hardly any people. There was hardly any anything, just like there never has been.

* * *

I re-entered the United States later that day and I can tell you that Point Roberts has a thousand residents, three places to eat, a couple of gas stations, no sidewalks and a shitty fisherman statue that looks like a budget Gandalf. Most license plates I saw were Canadian. The most developed and impressive structure is a marina. There were hardly any shops. There were hardly any facilities. There was hardly any anything, not even that cyclist, just roads leading into trees and quiet, sleeping houses.

A few more of those are being built. I bet they’ll be sold to Canadians.

While I was there, the sun went down. It plunged into the Pacific and the sky was all dark grey clouds and the distant yellow mottling of tankers, ferries and island towns. I saw a working lighthouse, which I have never before seen in my life, and I discovered it was little more than scaffolding and a lamp. I didn’t care. I’d never seen a lighthouse in person before.

I’d been sick that morning. I hadn’t slept much because I had been expecting to go to Point Roberts, which I’d never done before, to flagpole, which I’d never done before, then hopefully complete my Permanent Residence process, which I’d never done before. When I’d started that process, I was told it might take as little as six to nine months. It had been more than two years and I had received two rejection letters, as well as an email from my lawyer saying this was a big mistake.

My mind had turned everything over and then my stomach had decided to do that, too.

* * *

But as I had crossed straight back into Canada after that flagpoling, nothing at all was happening. Everyone, everywhere was bored. A Canadian border guard asked my why I was entering his country. He scribbled “PR” on a slip of yellow paper that was mostly full of questions about what firearms I might have, maybe which states they were from or what licenses I held.

British Columbia is weird not only because of its ongoing economic symbiosis with Washington State, nor because of the curious exclave of Point Roberts, but also because it cuts off Alaska from the rest of the US. A lot of people like to hunt in Alaska. A lot of people try to bring their guns from other parts of the United States into Alaska through British Columbia. British Columbia doesn’t really like this but it does allow it if those guns and their method of transport fit very, very specific criteria.

It’s the complete opposite to asking for ninety days residence and a twenty dollar hunting license.

Once again, I could apparently have just walked off, back into Canada, but instead I ended up in that living room-sized waiting area. A family sat to my left. Someone who did nothing but read a book the entire time sat to my right. A picture of the Queen of England was mounted dead ahead. That probably wasn’t necessary.

The officer asking who else was landing left the room and she was replaced by a grumpy man who called me up. I showed him what documents I had and he asked me what visa I had with me. I listed the items I’d been posted.

“I can see what you have,” he said. “I don’t need you to tell me what I can already see.” But I didn’t have anything else. Nobody had issued me anything the last time I’d entered Canada and nobody had really cared after hearing that I was waiting for these Permanent Residence documents to arrive, the ones I was laying out now.

The grumpy man made me sign and initial my papers, stating that I hadn’t suddenly committed crimes and forgotten to tell them or got married and forgotten to tell them or had children and forgotten to tell them and yes yes everything was spelled correctly. He took the papers away and joined the other people who were typing quietly at their desks.

A balding man walking in and asked everyone in the room if they’d been seen by an officer. Everyone said yes. “You’re all waiting so patiently?” He asked. “Thank you!”

He walked out.

For some reason, I took a picture of myself. I took it to see if I was suddenly different, but found no signs of this. The Queen stared at me. I sat there in silence. There was no noise and no smell and no movement. I played Peggle nervously on my phone, because at the US border they don’t like you to have your phone out. Nobody here gave a damn. A large TV showed soundless sports recaps.

The grumpy man called my name. He had stapled one of my documents into my passport on what was the shonkiest, most ramshackle way. It was infinitely folded. He had signed and dated it. I will never forget his name.

He gave me a piece of paper with numbers to call to register for health care and social security. My Permanent Resident card would be mailed to me and reach me hopefully two to three weeks after my landing date of September 21st, 2019.

I stood there.

“Do you have any questions?” he asked.

“Is that it?”

He looked up at the room. “Who’s next?”

#America #Canada #Permanent Residence #Point Roberts #weird borders #immigration

[alexdanversfbi]

Supergirl, Sanvers Fandom and LGBTQ - in response to Twitter Posts.

I’m making a post to try & clarify some things since I made a post, & subsequent issues that have arisen from it. Forewarning, this is going to be quite lengthy but I hope you will read it carefully and fully.

Firstly, I’m a transgender man. I’m in my early 50’s. I’m happily married.

My wife (who now ID’s as bi, but for a long time until my transition, was lesbian, as I had lived as well), quite honestly have been involved in the LGBT community & push for representation and law changes longer than many Sanvers fans have been alive.

I say this to make the point, not to say it makes us better at it, or everyone needs to listen only to us - but that to say we’ve seen no representation, to poor & patchy representation, to representation starting to improve.

Both in laws of the land & on screen.

We’ve faced homophobia & seen transphobia up front and personal since childhood. My in-laws were a staunch allies for lgbt people. My mother in law was a beard to a friend of hers, as they went to underground parties simply so he could date another man. Sadly, my own family were less supportive, & while I wasn’t kicked out of my home, I didn’t get unconditional love & support either. While my father is now dead, I’m still facing it today with a mother who is terrible at acknowledging transgender me.

It all has a long way to go - and it might seem glacial to some, but in the decades we’ve seen it going on, there is far more good than there ever was. It’s still mixed in with the bad though. But more on that later.

I got into the SG fandom late.

Really late!

As late as about 3 months ago, because as a surprise for my wife, I bought her tickets for Ultimates specifically to see Flo as an early wedding anniversary present (it’s in May). She had watched the show (although had stopped before the end of S3 after the debacle of Sanvers and the ridiculous storylines being assigned to Alex). I hadn’t even done that.

However, she still talked about it, but because of what happened with Sanvers had said it wasn’t worth me watching it (she had watched it separately from me for a number of different reasons), because of how bad it was.

So I didn’t bother. Why watch something that was going to destroy any good it gave.

My wife though did say how there were (up until the shitstorm of S3) parallels to Maggie’s (& to Alex’s) stories to another program we did watch on UK TV Bad Girls, and Nikki Wade with Helen Stewart. Nikki was kicked out of the family home for being gay at 16. Was an out lesbian. Helen had only been with men, met Nikki, questioned her relationships - and eventually, unlike SG, they gave them the happy ending.

She also remarked how Flo had left for good reasons because of the way Maggie was written beyond the arc of girlfriend to Alex.

Remember, I wasn’t around the fandom, and to be honest, although my wife is a fan of Sanvers & Flo - she wasn’t really around social media either, particularly at the time Flo left. She hadn’t followed any Sanvers fans at that point.

So neither of us had seen the Flo hate. We’ve heard about it - but since neither of us were active at that time, we simply haven’t seen it.

It does not mean for one split second we condone stuff like that, any more than we condone hate sent to any actor or actress, regardless of the circumstances.

So I’m nipping in the bud any accusations of Flo hate from me now. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

We did see some Flo hate on Instagram as S2 of The punisher started and my wife went in on occasion to defend her.

I could do it - but I have crippling anxiety. Even writing this is because of the support of my wife.

It does mean I find it hard - extremely hard - to go in unannounced to people I don’t know to say anything.

My wife does though stand up if she sees anything. It’s just her online time is often restricted.

Back to SG now - we weren’t watching, even though Nicole Maines was cast, but because I was late to watching SG, it really wasn’t something I was aware of.

I will add, my main social media presence until the last couple of months was Facebook or Instagram. So it did pass me by.

Both of us actually, as my wife - due to disability - isn’t always the most active either. She had heard of it, but we often have other stuff in real life going on (hospital & doctor appointments etc), and that was one of those times, so it was there, but not up front & centre for us.

Now this might not seem like a big deal to some or a good enough reason to watch, but to me this is my Maggie moment when I did realise what was going on fully.

As a Transgender man, to see a transgender superhero finally being cast - that was great news.

What wasn’t so great - it was via SG. A program that had shown demonstratively poor judgement & queer baiting since the loss of Flo.

Were we worried that Nicole’s character would get the same treatment?

Absolutely we were.

However, coupled with having bought my wife tickets for Ultimates to meet Flo, I decided to watch SG, since it meant I had an idea about who we’d be meeting.

Then Nicole was added as a guest and that was it. Tough as it might be, we had two reasons to watch.

My wife warned me what was to come. How Sanvers broke up. How poor the writing became (not just Sanvers, but Alex, Mon-El and far more than I can get into here). Despite being warned, I loved the start. I loved (& still love Sanvers). I get why it became so important for a lot of viewers.

I hate how it was dealt with on screen at the end.

Utterly despise it in fact.

But remember, I only came into this recently, so I have no history of how it played out in real time on social media.

I’d become a huge Chyler fan (but I enjoyed her as Lexie) as I loved Alex, the wife is still a huge Flo fan.

Sanvers even had me drawing again for the 1st time in 15 years (see my pinned Tweet as it’s a Sanvers kiss).

But Ultimates was booked.

Then Nicole came along.

So we both grit our teeth and started watching the rest of S3, and what had already been shown of S4 (to show you how late this was, it was already to episode 13 of S4 when we started it).

Season 3 and the first 10 or 11 episodes of S4 are ….. at best badly written. Poor storylines, plot holes you could drive a bus through … but despite all this, we took what we could because the Nia storyline was being handled fairly well.

Now we could argue why settle for something so poor? Why not push for better representation.

I cannot stress enough (and honestly, the whole thing I was trying to put in a 240 character Tweet that has resulted in all this), that for us the show had now put in representation & produced something we’d not seen until now.

The show has moved on, and goodness me, if you truly think I expect people to move on, then it isn’t the case. I was merely trying to explain, that even previously staunch Sanvers fans might well now watch for completely different reasons.

It doesn’t mean there are other staunch Sanvers fans who should move on. You are just as valid in what you want.

It doesn’t even mean the fight for Sanvers as endgame should stop, and people of differing views can still want that to happen.

It was definitely not to bash Maggie (or Flo), particularly as it was Flo who was the reason we are attending Ultimates.

For me the reason I now watch is because of Nia and Alex.

My wife because of Nia.

As difficult as it is to palate for a lot of you (understandably), there are also going to be those who’ll watch the new LI because it’s another area of representation in having a gay black woman on screen.

We’ve (wife & myself) been around long enough to know what poor & good representation looks like. Heck, good representation is nigh on impossible to find - I can say Helen & Nikki were one of the lucky ones. In the 20 years since that’s happened, I’m struggling to find many others. They are out there, but when it’s only a dozen or so at best, it’s tough.

As my wife remarked the other week; when Jes MacCallan wears a t-shirt at Clexacon that lists wlw and it’s barely enough to be on the front of said t-shirt - that shows how poor it’s been. And then most didn’t have a happily ever after. Sure it’s not a comprehensive list, but it does help prove how poor it’s been.

But also remember as poor as that has been, there are some (like trans or gay men or black women) who’ve had even less. They deserve more, & sometimes that starting point is horribly bad.

We’ve also been around long enough to know it isn’t black & white. It isn’t linear.

Just like coming out, you constantly have to do it. That sometimes means taking what is the worst outcome, but using it to steadily push for the better ones. It sometimes means you might have to take that step backwards to move forwards.

It can also feel unsavoury to do that.

A prime example I can think of here in the UK is we remember when people first started touting same sex marriage - and at that point, they were in process of changing the law on same sex adoption.

For those not aware of the UK law that was - it allowed single gay people to adopt, but not couples .... so stupidly a gay person could adopt if single, and then become involved with someone else, but if you were in a committed relationship no go - anyway, from that law the discussion to get marriage in place started. Gay men were openly likened to those opposing the law change to peodophiles, as sadly still happens to gay men today.

That change in adoption law was a big step forward in getting the laws on marriage here changed.

Then came civil partnership. So many people were angry it wasn’t enough and many said it was in fact a step back. Yet, for us it was a huge step forward. I kept trying to explain then, you often have to take the least favourable option to keep pushing for the best outcome. That marriage could happen, but don’t dismiss what was occurring simply because it wasn’t good enough for you.

It is an exhausting situation, to constantly push for better representation. This is a process. Occasionally that process will force steps back - but as long as the overall push is bigger than that, it will carry on.

For me, I do think that Alex is slowly getting a better deal as a character and I’ve enjoyed the latter part of her story arc in S4.

Does it mean it’s as good as it was or could be?

No, it doesn’t. But it also doesn’t mean - and this is my opinion, and believe it or not I’m okay if people watching don’t agree - pretty much all of S3 (honestly that is a clusterfuck of epic proportions) and the first half of S4 are about as bad as it can be.

Nicole has also had good representation though. There is a lot that resonates for me. A lot I wish I could’ve seen as a child growing up, not in my early 50’s.

Think about that.

I’m finally seeing good representation in my 50’s for the first time.

Albeit in a program that has far from stellar representation for a long time.

This isn’t the 2nd, or 3rd or however many times it has gone on for lesbian couples on TV.

That for me is a huge deal. Huge!

Like a black gay woman is going to be huge for some others.

However, it also means if the LI for Alex gets storylines that Flo deserved I won’t be pissed.

You can bet I will be. As will my wife.

We’ll undoubtedly rip apart the producers for it at home, as we’ve done so many times. Just because people haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it hasn’t been said.

I guess what I’m trying to say in all this rambling is I truly have no quarrel with people wanting to stay solely as Sanvers fans. I just want to be allowed to go beyond that (and I would love nothing more than Sanvers endgame), even if that seems counterintuitive to some of you.

I’ve never posted anything with ulterior motives to attack any group of fans. It might have appeared that way for some - but truly I simply posted something on my timeline as a general observation. It was not directed at anyone per se.

I’ve realised that it’s been construed as such, but those who do know me also know I will never disparage others intentionally. If it comes across as such, it was - believe it not - unintentionally done. If you don’t want to believe that, I can’t change that, but I do ask you don’t keep saying stuff about it to me.

I’ve not seen much beyond interacting with some mutuals on Twitter.

It appears there is a far greater history going on than I could have ever imagined between some people.

So for now - I’m going to post my usual things but to try to avoid posting directly to followers except family & friends away from the fandom.

To make it absolutely clear I never intend or intended to get pulled into a war of words with anyone.

I just want to enjoy Sanvers - and for me personally, go beyond that.

It’s just I’ve seen so much progress for the LGBT community, even if it could be faster.

I saw lesbian activists disrupting the BBC news in protest to the government of the time and Clause 28.

I saw the news report of the bomb that went off in a gay Soho nightclub.

I watched friends become stigmatised for being gay men at the start of the AIDS crisis.

I saw people fighting HIV & later AIDS & some dying as a result.

I’ve seen this and far more. I’ve actively campaigned on issues ranging from animal rights to LGBT rights, when the T wasn’t even part of the acronym, to nuclear disarmament and far more.

I’ve seen more positives finally coming about in the last 18 years than anything that’s gone before it.

We’ll face steps backwards. Some will be greater than others, but make no mistake, the strides forward are bigger.

Activism for better representation isn’t just something to hinge on one TV storyline or show - it can just be about that of course - but life is messy. It takes steps in many different directions for many different people.  

If people were offended, then I am saying sorry.

It has though been difficult to become embroiled in something that is far further reaching than I had any idea about.

One of the perils of being so new to the fandom I guess.

And now I’m off to cuddle one of our cats.

#supergirl #lgbtq #sanvers #maggie sawyer #alex danvers

[angrylizardjacket]

Holding Court In A Crown {Roger Taylor}

Sequel to And All The Queen’s Men {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 3630 words. Giselle is fun to write and I love her. Another article style, based off of many conversations between @ginghampearlsnsweettea and I. Let me know what you think.

[And All The Queen’s Men ‘verse masterpost]

HOLDING COURT IN A CROWN - GISELLE TAYLOR in conversation with Vogue UK about her fashion evolution through the decades. (Published June, 1991)

When stepping into the Taylor home, it becomes immediately apparent that this is a home in which public image has always been very important. Gold and Platinum albums alike line the front foyer, shining reminders of the achievements of both artists who reside here. It’s surprisingly modern, hardwood floors and large windows that allow light to stream in, though the house itself is smaller than one might expect. Giselle herself greets me in the front hall, looking carefully casual in a flattering, warm yellow summer dress, that hits just above her knees, and a pair of matching yellow slip on shoes.

I’m lead through the house, past closed doors, one of which I’m told is a personal recording studio, into a open-planned kitchen-dining area. It’s a strange marriage of two aesthetics, no pun intended, the German-inspired open planned living with the dark counters, appliances, and features that make the space feel a little smaller, though it comes together to make something modern and chic, and perfectly suited to both Giselle and her husband’s images.

“Roger’s with the girls,” she tells me, referring to her daughters, pouring us both a glass of water in some of the fanciest crystal glasses I’ve ever seen, “not that he wouldn’t jump at the chance to talk about his “fashion choices”,” her air quotes, not mine, “but I thought I’d spare you the half hour argument about the wine stain, and all the other, sundry fashion choices of mine that he likes to take credit for.”

Giselle herself admits that she’s always been very fortunate in terms of fashion, “I mean, I look good in everything,” though there’s an air of self deprecation about it, “Actually, I’ve had a certain liberty with my work attire that not a lot of people have, unless you’re in the entertainment industry.” What began with a rented cocktail dress bloomed into one of the most influential fashion timelines of the 70s and 80s.

Beginning her career in an establishment modeled after American prohibition-era speakeasies, Giselle started off wearing cocktail dresses rented from the pub itself. “I actually did start off as a waitress, but for that you just had to provide your own black pants and white top, you know, wait-staff attire.” When the pub’s regular singer leaves, Giselle auditions to be her replacement, “they were just grateful I could fit into her dress, I could lipsync for all they cared.” Except, as well all know, Giselle can sing, and begun to make a name for herself in the community that frequented the pub.

Pulling out a polaroid of herself and music industry giant Ray Forrester, she shows me the only proof she has of the dress that started it all. It’s a rather ill-fitting, wine-coloured, sateen slip dress, it looks cheap, and according to Giselle, “it itched like crazy, it was cleaned once a week, and I was just glad that I was the only singer, some of the members of the jazz band had interchangeable costumes.” We both shudder at that, and she puts the photo on the counter.

As soon as she was given some modicum of control over her wardrobe, she took full advantage of it. Without a coherent aesthetic solidified by the release of her first album, Giselle admits she used the tour for Velvet Roses to experiment with both fabrics and styles. I personally have always favoured the midnight blue, velvet bouffant-style dress she wore during her stops in Belfast and Paris, but she goes on to praise the white, silk slip dress she had during her stop in West Berlin.

“Silk! Oh the silk, I dream about that dress sometimes,” she laughs a little, and now that we’ve begun to discuss her tour outfits, she leads me upstairs, “at the time it was the most comfortable thing I’d worn… ever; being able to work, to perform in something so luxury? It was a blessing.”

Her closet, at least the closet she stores her tour garments in, is separate from her bedroom, and locked. She’s got the key in her pocket, prepared, of course, for the interview, and as we step in I can hear the hum of a dehumidifier, and feel the chill of the air conditioning.

“It’s my one real extravagance.” As she turns on the lights, we’re greeted to the sight of a room, approximately four meters deep and half as wide, lined with railings that are practically stuffed with garment bags of varying sizes, and the end of the little room has a built in area for her jewel toned and bejewelled shoes alike. Three mannequins pose in the ample amount of space in the centre of the room, each wearing one of her most iconic outfits.

Each section of the racks around the side are carefully labelled by year, and it takes only a moment for Giselle to go through the section labelled 1971 before she’s pulling that same white dress from a garment bag. It still looks pristine, and when she offers for me to feel it, I understand what she’s saying.

“I’ve always tried to keep a very high standard in term of the materials I wear,” it was the first part of her aesthetic identity that was formed. “I’d never really had access to luxury on this scale before; I’d lived in sweaters and jeans for most of my [university] days; I was one of those girls in the little skirts and beaded tops at clubs- I lived my life in gogo boots every weekend of my first year.” Apparently she still has her favourite pair in the back of her personal closet, but seems hesitant to show me.

When asked what prompted her aesthetic shift, she reveals her passion for luxury stage-wear was only part of the decision. “I’d go on stage in silk pyjamas like Hugh Hefner if I could, but it’s not my brand.” Forrester was a big motivating force behind her solidification as the picture of elegance.

We get to the first of the mannequin dresses now, the fitted, black, off the shoulder cocktail dress, shining with sequins and beads, a perfect frozen reminder of her performance on Top of the Pops. To see it in person, still pristine, I get hit with just a hint of nostalgia, as does Giselle herself it seems. Marvelling at it with arms crossed over her chest, I’m granted a closer look at what was quite possibly the most iconic outfit of the 1972 lineup on the hit British musical program. The gloves themselves are more intricate than first imagined; what was assumed to just be red glitter is actually hand stitched, red sequins from the tips of the finger all the way to the wrist where it fades to chunky, red glitter, glued on and somehow width standing the test of time, to then dissolve into fine and sparsely scattered red glitter from the mid-forearm to the elbow. The beads and sequins on the dress itself are affixed with barely noticeable, shiny red thread, that gives the dress dimension up close. Giselle cites Gothic Romanticism as an inspiration to add depth to her jazz-bar persona, as well as the theatrics of musical theatre, going so far as to called the dress the ‘Merry Murderess’ despite the fact that the musical Chicago premiered almost three years after the dress’ initial debut.

Despite this look being regarded as one of her classics, and therefore setting the standard for her public image for the years to come, there’s no denying that Giselle didn’t enjoy experimenting with her outfits.

“I’ve never technically worn pants on stage,” as we move further into the room, she begins to pull various garment bags from the racks seemingly at random, “skirts, skorts, shorts - which some might argue are close enough - dresses, and even full jumpsuits, but never actual pants; I’ve always been worried that they were too masculinising for my act.” Moving on to the rack labeled 1975, she pulls out a particularly slim bag, and from it she pulls a pair of shorts made of what looks like liquid gold, but I know is made of velvet, with suspenders to match. It hangs over a sheer, flowing, cream crop-top with bell sleeves.

This outfit is cited as the first time she had deviated from her skirts and dresses, though the outfit itself is still exquisite and has an air of regality. “I was in Phoenix in ‘74 when I wore this; I’d had it included in my repertoire for the Hand Held Heart tour in case it became especially hot,  which, being Arizona in the summertime, it was.” It’s here we start to see the influence of other artists bleed into her work; the occasional feathery flamboyance borrowed from Elton John, the avant-garde pattern and makeup work popularised by David Bow, and of course, the extravagance and glitz of Queen’s Freddie Mercury.

“You always have to specify that it’s [Freddie Mercury],” she’s very serious on this point, holding up her iconic, short, incredibly sheer white, long-sleeved fitted dress, marbled with red sequins to protect her modesty. It’s reminiscent of the red and white shorts Mercury had been known to favour on tours. “The others, while, yes, they could be well dressed on occasion, [Roger Taylor]’s lime green jeans aside, they never had the flair or audacity that Freddie had to be truly influential.”

After recording a cover of Queen’s Jesus for her third album, Giselle entered into an unofficial partnership with the band, which she tells me included a collaboration with Mercury himself on their costumes.

“I’d spent a long time trying to merge my style and my musical origins with modern aesthetics; I worked very closely with a designer, since it’s not technically my strong suit.” She pauses for a moment, and we make our way to the mannequins again, this time to the second, a floor-length, evening-gown style dress in lilac, capped sleeves, looking as though it’s tie-dyed with blackcurrant glass beads instead of fabric dye. “Getting to collaborate with the band was easy enough; I did talk with [Jim Beach] regarding the use of the song, but he ultimately he ruled that it was up to them, and so once that connection was established, I actually asked Freddie to help me with some tour outfit designs.”

People often assume Giselle is referring to her team contacting Queen’s lawyer, but she goes on record now to explain that it’s not true. “I’m a lawyer, my own lawyer, and I also work for several big-name bands in the music industry today. EMI picked me up halfway through my final year, but I still continued to go to [university], and I did actually intern under (sic) [Beach] while writing my second album. “ I’m assured that she had just regular suits in her personal closet; three, in grey, black, and cream, well fitted, ‘but not why you’re here’ she adds with a self-deprecating smile.

The lavender and blackberry dress was one designed by Mercury himself, the pale lavender representative of elegance and femininity, while the darker blackcurrant is used to bring depth to the dress the same way Giselle’s unwavering, calculated persona brings depth to her performances. It was Mercury’s idea to interweave the two in the tie-dyed style, keeping Giselle’s traditional aesthetic through the glass beads and the cut of the dress.

As we continue along the timeline, it’s clear to see the effect Mercury had on Giselle’s stage wardrobe, the use of geometric patterns coupled with bold colours, and more glitter and sequins than you can shake a stick at becoming more prominent throughout the late 70s, somehow still managing to keep in line with her traditional aesthetic simultaneously.

“I refuse to wear print.” She’s adamant about it when the possibility of wearing a garment like Mercury’s vest with his cats painted on it comes up. “Geometric doesn’t count; the texture in my wardrobe is always going to be,” she pauses for a moment, searching for the right word, fingers brushing through the fur of the fur-cuffs of a long-sleeved purple velvet number, “diegetic.” She settles on, and it’s clear what she means; patterns on her clothes are always wrought through beads or diamonds or fur or other things attached. “It’s the reason I have it locked, [Lilith Taylor, 7] has left the ‘indiscriminately grabbing things that feel nice’ stage a few years ago, but Rosie [Rosemary Taylor, 4] is just at the tail end of it. They’ll have free reign of this place one day,” she looks around at the fashion legacy she has built for herself, she wears an expression of pride, though it’s more focused on her daughters than the clothes themselves, “but for now I want to keep choking hazards and expensive furs out of danger.”

Around the very end of the 70s to the beginning of the 80s we see a return to form, with the resurgence of her form-fitted cocktail dresses. “There was a lot of change happening in my life at that time, and as much as I enjoy experimenting with my looks, it helped me feel secure to know I was in what was objectively my strong suit, pun not intended.”  According to her, she’d just begun seeing Roger Taylor, and she used her fashion choices to exercise control in her life that she felt she was losing.

“My private life has always been very private, now here I am with the man who trashes drum kits and throws TVs out window; I was so afraid that every time people took a photo of me, or even looked at me, they’d think I was compromising my morals or integrity - which I’m not, and I wasn’t then.” She quickly clarifies. “Our personal history is not void because of where we are now, but Roger and I have also changed as people, and we’re allowed to have our feelings change. I’m honestly a little offended people think I we would have gone through all we did for mere publicity.”

Speaking of Roger, I’m a little surprised her wedding dress isn’t one of those on the mannequins, but I understand her choice, and we’ll certainly get to that soon. Her wedding dress sits at the back of one of the racks, carefully distant from any of the year labels. As she removes it from the garment bag, she gives it a softly nostalgic smile, brushing the fabric gently. “This should really go in my own closet.” It’s unlike most of her other outfits here, such a pale cream it’s almost white, floor-length and sleeveless with a Roman-inspired cinched waist topped with what I hesitate to even call ruffles, their drapings so loose it’s reminiscent of curled hair rather than a traditional ruffle. The material is so soft and light that even on a hanger it looks a little ethereal. It’s simple, elegant, and the very sight of it brings joy to her face.

“’81.” The year is surprising, as is the revelation she shares about how they celebrated their tenth anniversary a few months prior. Putting the dress away, we move to the early eighties, and it’s almost cyclical the way we’re brought back to the ‘Merry Murderess’ aesthetic with the lineup from her ‘The Bend Before The Break’ tour. 

“Everyone and their mother seems to have read the article [All The Queen’s Men, Rolling Stone, 1985] and figured out I was in a shaky place at the time; it’s again about having that modicum (sic) of control. Part of me reverted to portraying myself in the way when I felt like I was at the height of control in my relationships and career. It’s a pretty aesthetic,” she gently pulls a velvet, wine-coloured cocktail dress from the rack, giving it a gentle pat, “it made my stage presence feel good, honestly.” It doesn’t sound bitter, but she puts the dress back. 

Apologising for a moment, she explains the large gap between ‘82 and ‘84, with her Finally, Sunlight tour. “After coming home from the [The Bend Before The Break] tour, I took some time to myself; I was, of course, still writing, but I couldn’t really perform or make any big public appearances after like, July in ‘83, because I was quite pregnant, and, again, I’m a private person.” The Finally, Sunlight tour is known for two things, Giselle wearing gold, silver, and copper, in any and every way she could, and the Atlanta Breakdown.

“I wore metallics because Finally, Sunshine is about my baby girls, and they are so precious to me.” As was made clear in the Rolling Stone article, Giselle and Roger lost one of their twin daughters to illness in Autumn of 1984, though Lilith survived, it took a devastating toll on the couple. Moving past that, we’re finally brought to the crown jewel of the collection; her Live Aid dress.

It’s almost the antithesis to the ‘Merry Murderess’, though it shares a similar neckline and off-the-shoulder style. The Live Aid dress, which Giselle calls ‘Queen Midas’ for reasons I’ll get into later, has a white, crushed velvet bodice with an inbuilt corset, and basque waistline. Beneath the waist is a enough layers of thin and flowing georgette to become completely opaque, like a waterfall from the waistline, the colours fading from a bright, sunshine yellow at the hip, to a rich, sunset orange by the knee, and finally to a smokey, warm-toned charcoal where it brushes the ground, with gold jewels dotted around the bottom and creeping almost to the knee in some sporadic places, reminiscent of embers in a fire. Her gloves are white velvet, and just like with the first of her most iconic outfits, it’s gold sequinned fading to actual glitter and diamonds. 

“I took a hard look at where I was and what I had achieved, and... whether or not I can help it, I effect people, through my music, my actions, through what I wear, and can be a double edged sword. Sometimes it can hurt, or I can hurt others by saying or doing the wrong thing, but sometimes I find myself wanting for nothing; everything I’ve held close has turned to gold. I wanted to show that, to be able to be a part of something that gives back to the world where it’s given me so much.”

With all her most well-known outfits having been covered, there’s one more that comes to the top of my head; the jacket of 1980. The tabloids had a field day with her choice of wardrobe as she stepped out of a car with the rest of Queen wearing a salmon and green floral, double breasted suit jacket, with silver buttons and silver stilettos, with sheer, thigh high white socks held up by a garter belt, hair fashionably messy, but makeup pristine. The deviation from her usual pristine image had shocked both paparazzi and public alike, however the daring outfit had quickly been lauded as one of her best, many publications who ran photos even citing it as the entertainment industry’s hottest innovative look of the decade. Even since it has stood the test of time, and has been attributed to the rise of patterned and bold suit jacket purchases by men and women alike, with the outfit have been cited as inspiration for more than one celebrity’s red carpet look. 

Now, however, something, possibly amusement, possibly annoyance, crosses her face, and she tells me it’s not here. The jacket is Mercury’s. “We were on our way to a party being hosted by [Elton John], and I’d only been with Rog for a few months at this point; so we’re in the back of the limo with the other [members of Queen] and Roger’s spilled his wine on my nice, white cocktail dress.” It seems like a bittersweet memory, and she reminds me of her earlier comment about the ‘wine stain argument’. “In hindsight, everything worked out, but at the time I was absolutely livid; very nearly killed him in that backseat. Poor [John Deacon] literally had to drag me off of him. [It] took both him and Freddie to hold me back when Roger got out once we arrived, and they had the driver circle the block again so I could change into Freddie’s jacket, which he so kindly lent to me.”

From her tone, and her following comments about how her husband likes to bring it up, it seems as though it’s a well worn argument of how Roger Taylor enjoys taking credit for the look, though Giselle doesn’t seem like she enjoys giving him the satisfaction.

“My image has always been about how much I can control what people see of me, and to have that control taken away by a careless action, it really hurt. A man like Roger, in the entertainment industry, is never going to face the kind of scrutiny that I do, it’s the reason you’re here at all, talking to me about fashion rather than say, how difficult it is to be a practicing lawyer in the music industry while raising two beautiful daughters. And I still write music on occasion. But people remember what you show them, how you present yourself; my tour wardrobe is a reflection of the persona I let interact with the world, and it’s beautiful, and a legacy that will probably outlive me to some extent. 

“Do I regret any of my fashion choices? I don’t really have the liberty to, do I? And either way, they’re part of the reason I’m where I am today; I made a niche for myself that was built initially on my aesthetic, if I’m being generous, so I suppose I’ll always be grateful to it.”

#roger taylor #roger taylor x oc #roger taylor imagine #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #queen #borhap imagine #the angry lizard writes

[movingkeepmoving]

Hello and welcome to Berlin, Germany! For many of you this will be your first stay here, so I’m trying to make things easy for you.

First things first: Phone code is +49 Police: 110 / fire brigade: 112 1€ is 100cts.

Be aware most places might not accept card as payment method; we’re pretty far behind on this; especially when it comes to music venues. Have some cash on you!

Safety:

Berlin is a huge city and compared to its size its fairly safe if you use common sense. No specific rules apply with the exception of public transportation and tourist areas where pickpockets are a problem. Watch your bags during rush hours, at larger train stations.

The police in Berlin are competent, not corrupt; therefore, if you try to bribe them you are likely to spend at least a night behind bars to check your background. They are generally helpful to tourists. Most of the officers are able to speak English, so don't hesitate to approach them if you are frightened or lost.

Although harmless, panhandlers have started to beg at local tourist spots such as Pariser Platz next to the Brandenburg Gate, Alexanderplatz and the Museumsinsel. They are usually women accompanied by their daughters who ask if you speak English and say that they are from the new EU countries and trying to raise money to fly home. The story is false, so don't give them money, which would encourage further exploitation of the women and their kids. They also have a new tactic where they hand you a card telling their "story" and asking for money; beware that the children that they carry in their arms will search through your bags while you are reading the card. The best way to avoid this is simply to ignore them and not to respond when they ask you "Speak English?" If you feel scared, don't hesitate to contact the police, as they will help.

ALOHOL / DRINKS IN GENERAL / SMOKING

You’re allowed to drink alcohol in the streets, beer and wine is legal from the age of 16, everything else from the age of 18. You’ll notice many people will buy their drinks in Spätis (late night corner shops) and drink them in front of those shops. You might find more people doing this than finding people drinking in bars, because our bars normally open in the evening time (and are closed before that - sorry to our friends from the UK!).

We have a deposit on cans and bottles, so please NEVER put them into any bin. Place them next to the bin if you don’t care about getting 0,08ct to 0,25ct back, as homeless people often rely on this „extra income“.

You’ll pay at least 1€ deposit on bottles/glasses in venues too - even if they’re plastic cups. Keep that in mind. You don’t pay a deposit in restaurants or bars.

Brining bottles into venue won’t be allowed, due the fact venues want to sell as many drinks as possible. It’s also not a common thing to request tab water in a music venue. They might charge you for the deposit.

Smoking weed is NOT legal in Berlin / Germany. Although there will be people around the RAW area trying to sell you stuff - I can’t recommend doing this, the police knows about the situation and often watches the side undercover. (Can’t tell you how many times I saw a catch me if you can situation around here)
> Welcome to Berlin, you can actually smoke in most bars if they said they’re an 18+ venue. If you don’t smoke like me, this can be rather hell. If you’re a smoker: Welcome to paradise.

Apps you should consider to download:

Citymapper: This one actually works in a lot of big cities. I used it in New York, London and Boston before. With Citymapper you'll get all the options of getting from point A to B, including cabs, uber, walking distance, local transport, etc. It also shows you if the journey is accesible, if there are any disturbances and which carriage/entry/exit you should take for the fastest route.

Uber: If you want to take an Uber it's a bit different than in your city: Uber drivers are not allowed to use their own cars, but special black Uber cars. I haven't used Uber within Berlin so far yet. With the App you can also use the red e-bikes and red e-scooters branded with JUMP. If you're not an Uber Member yet, feel free to use the following link to sign up and get a 10€ balance for your first three rides: https://www.uber.com/invite/w1rzjd

FreeNow: If you want to use cabs, the easiest way ordering one via App is FreeNow. The app also works in different cities all over Europe and as there are more cabs than Uber cars within Berlin, this option might be faster than Uber. If you want to sign app with FreeNow, feel free to use the following link: (App currently not working)

Clever Shuttle: This app connects you with electric cars only, it works like a shared Uber (so you might have a stranger on your ride), but the other passengers will never see your destination (I heard that's different from Uber), so it's safer and you actually do something good about the environment to. If you want to try it, feel free to use the following code to sign up - you'll get a ballance of 10€: 9oxujh

Shared bike services: There are a handful of services offering a shared bike system; I’ve never used one of these besides the UBER/Jump one, so I can’t really tell how they’re working and if they’re expensive of not. If you want to do a little research yourself: Donkey Republic, Mobike, Deezer, Lime - are four providers who come directly into my mind. There are also some escooter services like Lime, Voi and Tier.

Happy Cow: You’re vegan and you want to check where you can grab some food or you’re looking for a vegan restaurant / vegan options / a vegan supermarket? Check out Happy Cow, - descriptions for all the places are usually in English!

When it comes down to food: Don't expect to get served tab water for free when you're at a restaurant. It's not a thing within Germany. We also don't do refills on soft drinks either. When ordering water, make sure you mention if you want to get it with or without gas, to avoid disappointment. (We live our fizzy water, folks!) It's a common thing to split the bill when you're having food with friends. We don't have the requirement to tip in restaurants and bars like in the US, but if you're satisfied 10% are the standard.

Local Transport / BVG

While BVG doesn't run S-Bahn or local trains, they are covered by the website and can be used with the same tickets.

BVG's customer service, ☏ [phone]. If you don't know how to get somewhere, or how to get home at night, BVG's customer service number. Most U-Bahn and some S-Bahn stations have call points from which you can contact customer service directly.

Some BVG buses and tram lines run 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

TicketsThe public transport system in Berlin (U-, S-Bahn, bus, tram, regional rail) uses a common ticket system based on zones (zone A, B and C). You are unlikely going beyond zone A and B, except on trips to Potsdam or to Schönefeld Airport (SXF). The border between zones A and B is the S-Bahn Ring (see here). Zone C includes trips to and within Potsdam.

The following tickets can be used for single journeys:

Single Ticket. The standard single journey ticket. It is valid for any travel within two hours of validation, in a single direction, within the appropriate fare zones. There is no limit to transfers. Return journeys are not allowed. Price: Berlin AB €2.80 (reduced €1.70); Berlin ABC €3.40 (reduced €2.50).

4-trip ticket (4 Fahrten Karte). This gives you 4 single trip tickets at a cheaper cost. Price: Berlin AB €9.00 (reduced €5.60). Short trip (Kurzstrecke).

For a single journey you can buy a cheap Kurzstrecke for €1.70, but this is only valid for 3 stops on the U-Bahn or S-Bahn (transfers permitted) or 6 stops on buses or trams (no transfers). The stations included in a short tip ticket are indicated on schedules posted at bus and tram stops.

Several options are available for unlimited travel: Day Ticket (Tageskarte). A day ticket for one person. Worth it if you are travelling more than two trips a day. Valid until 03:00 the next morning, not 24 hours! Price: Berlin AB €7 (reduced €4.70); Berlin ABC €7.70 (reduced €5.30).

Small Group Day Ticket AB (Kleingruppen-Tageskarte). A day ticket valid for up to five people. For groups of three or more, this ticket is cheaper than individual day tickets. Price: Berlin AB €19.90, Berlin ABC €20.80.

7-Day-Ticket AB (7-Tagekarte). A ticket valid for seven days. Price: Berlin AB €30, Berlin ABC €37.50.

Berlin CityTourCard. Ticket valid for all public transport services in Berlin, Potsdam and the surrounding area (depending on the covered zones) and a discount card for many tourist attractions; available in several different versions: 48 hours AB €17.40; 72 hours AB €24.50; 5 days AB €31.90. Add a few euros if you want to go to Potsdam (fare zone ABC). A folded leaflet with inner city map and an overview of the S-Bahn and U-Bahn railway networks of Berlin is included. Can be bought at ticket machines and various sales points (Berlin airports, larger train stations, hotels or online).

Berlin WelcomeCard. Unlimited travel with all methods of public transport for the validity of the ticket; save up to 50% on more than 200 tourist and cultural highlights; handy guide in pocket book format with insider tips and tour suggestions; city plan for Berlin and Potsdam and a network plan for public transport. Can be bought at various sales points (Berlin airports, larger train stations, hotels or online).

Tickets valid for only A and C are available as well, which you might need for a single trip to Schönefeld Airport from somewhat out of the way lodgings. There is only one way to get a ticket only valid in A: Deutsche Bahn offers "City Tickets" as an add-on for their long distance train tickets and in Berlin those are only valid for a single trip inside the A zone.

Reduced fares apply for children 6 to 14. Children under 6 ride free.

Purchasing tickets Tickets can be purchased in several ways. Upon arrival at the different Berlin airports, some tickets can be purchased at the tourist desk. All tickets are available at vending machines at the airports, U- and S-Bahn platforms, and passengers may also use the vending machines operated by DB at long-distance and regional railway stations to purchase the same. English and other European languages are available. You can also purchase them on the BVG app via Paypal/Credit Card, but unfortunately this app isn’t available in English yet.

Really important: Before the journey starts tickets must be validated by stamping them at the yellow or red boxes on the platforms, in buses or trams. In case of inspection, a ticket that is not stamped is invalid. (Nevertheless, if you buy a ticket directly from a bus or tram driver, it won't need stamping). Getting caught with an invalid ticket = 60€ fee; never pay this fee in cash; it’s illegal for ticket officers to charge you in cash!!

Arriving in Berlin

When arriving at Schönefeld Airport (SXF), you’ll need to buy a ticket that valid for all three zones (ABC) to get into the center. You can either buy a single ride ticket for ABC or you buy the ticket you think you’ll need for the time of your stay (7 day ticket or similar) for ABC and purchase an additinal ticket for the C zone (1,60€). You can take either a red Regional train or a S-Bahn into the city center; your ticket is valid in both. Just ask Citymapper for the next conncetion!

When arriving at Tegel Airport (TXL), you’ll need to take the bus (TXL Express) to get to the city center. Please note it’s a regular bus, not a special airport shuttle with lots of luggage space. So if you are a group or you have lots of lagguage, maybe think about sharing a cab or something similar. If you decide on taking the bus tho, Tegel is within the B zone, so you can just get your regular ticket. Also note, there are ticket machines and ticket offices at the airport, you might want to use them instead of getting your ticket from the bus driver. Take this bus to Berlin HBF / Berlin main station and continue your journey from here via train / bus.

What to do in Berlin during your stay? Here are my top 10 recommendations:

Ramones Museum: This place might be part of the official Lost Evenings programm as Flo (owner) and Frank know each other and Frank played a couple of times in their old location. They have a bar and serve breakfast, cake, coffee, and alcohol from 10 am til 10 pm. You’ll be able to purchase Ramones merch, you’ll be able to visit the Ramones Museum part and you’ll be able to check out all the photos and signatures of all the bands who played there or visited the place. It’s one of my favourite places, so you better be nice to the staff there (they all speak english really well!!)

Alexanderplatz: Don’t go up the TV tower! I’ll tell you my favourite secret spot: Go to the Park Inn hotel, go through their entrance, turn left and go straight to the lifts. Take the lift to the topmost floor and follow their signs to the terrace (you’ll have to climb 1-2 more floors on the stairs). You’ll pay 4€/person and you’ll get a wonderful view all over Berlin, directly in front of the TV tower in a height of 120m. There’s also a bar up there if you want a coffee or beer.

Eastside Gallery: When in Berlin, you need to see THE WALL, don’t you? There’s a huge part of the wall close to the Spree and close to the Lost Evening site. It’s called the Eastside Gallery and it’s painted by many different artists from all over. If you want to dig a bit more into history, you can take the M10 tram from Warschauer Straße (close to the Eastside Gallery) and take it all the way until Bernauer Straße. Here’s another huge part of the wall and some more info about it. And while taking the M10, you’ll have a great way of seeing different parts of Berlin on your way. But be aware, during the evening, this line becomes some kind of party train.

Brandenburg Gate / Holocaust Memorial / Reichstag / Siegessäule - These places are all located close to each other and you can easily reach them while starting from Berlin main station. They’re four of the most touristy places in the city, but if it’s your first time, you might wanna give it a go? You can also climb up the Staircase of Siegessäule to get a full panoramo view of the city; it’s worth it, but the staircase is super narrow and there’s no lift!

Museums Insel & Berliner Dom: Close to Alexanderplatz you’ll find the Museums Insel - and built in island with many museums, which I haven’t visited yet myself. But if you’re the museums person, you might wanna give it a go!? The Dom is close by and an impressive cathedral in the middle of the city.

Check Point Charlie: First time in Berlin? You probably want to get your photo taken in front of the world famous border crossing in Berlin. During the day you’ll find people dressed up as American Soliders in front of it too.

Flughafen Tempelhof: Visit the outdoor part of our now closed airport in the center of the city. The place of the famous Luftbrücke, where planes started to drop supllies into the East Berlin zone. There are tour through the aiport building, which you have to register for in advance, but you can walk freely on the airfield and you’ll see many people walking there during the day, or riding their bikes, or do any other sorts of sports. It’s a place for picnics, for haning around, it can be really lovely once the weather gets better. 

tbc

#frank turner #fthc #lost evenings #prost evenings #berlin #germany

[acs0qbzk-blog]

Health insurance system in Belgium?

Health insurance system in Belgium?

Hello All, I am looking to relocate in Belgium and I have a question. Can anyone help me please: Is there a knee cartilage transplant surgery covered by the health insurance in Belgium, or I would need to pay it myself? How about an arthroscopy just to clean the joint of loose bodies? Many thanks!

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :tipsinsurance.xyz

SOURCES:

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[mybipolar-coaster]

An Introduction

I would like to say it was an easy decision to write down my experiences thus far in life but that would be a lie. I don’t really consider myself an interesting person. As a matter of fact, I consider myself rather boring. I like boring things like history and science. I studied statistics in university. I’ve led what I would consider an amazingly average life. That is, until late last year when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder, or as those in the states would call it, Bipolar I. Since then, so many things in my life have clicked into place. Things that had always seemed unusual now had a reason behind them, a cause. I had something I could point to and say, “that’s why”. Since being diagnosed I have found an entire community online of people both living with the disorder and coping with the fallout of it. I have also had my own share of trials and ordeals to deal with since my diagnosis, but that’s getting ahead of myself a bit. First, let me explain what it was that finally made me commit to writing this blog. I am currently waiting for the right opportunity to ask the girl I have been dating for the past 10 years to marry me. I have the ring. I know the when, I know the where. The how is still slightly eluding me but I think a small amount of improvisation on that front won’t hurt. This is what made me want to write this blog. I wanted to detail my feelings leading up to asking the question. I hope to portray the excitement and nerves leading up to the moment of truth so that afterwards I can get my (hopefully) fiancée to read back and see how much thought, work and planning went into this and how much I love her. But then I thought, “hey, why stop there”? I could keep the blog going afterwards, talk about ordinary, every-day things. Perhaps even give people an insight into how I live with my condition and how it affects those around me. I have always been a creative person and I enjoy writing, so maybe this could be a new hobby for me. I certainly hope so. So, this will be the first post in a hopefully ongoing series of blog posts. However, in the off chance that my girlfriend does happen to stumble upon this blog, I will be operating under strict anonymity for the time being. I won’t say my name, or the name of anyone that could be used to identify me in these blogs, at least until after I’ve popped the question, but everything else within will be true. I think an ideal first post then, would be for me to give a quick recap of my life so far, and give you the reader an introduction to my life and how my messed-up brain works. I hope you enjoy!

I was born in the UK in the early 90’s (trying to be vague) into a working-class family. My dad worked as an electrician in a dog-food factory and my mum volunteered as a cook in a nursing home. My parents were quite old when they had me, so there is a large age gap between me and the rest of my family. In fact, when I was born both of my older brothers were teenagers. My mum says that one of my brothers refused to talk to her or my dad for a year after they told him they were pregnant because he was so disgusted that they were still having sex “at their age”. Having an older family definitely has its advantages though. When I was young, all my siblings had jobs, so I got four times the amount of presents that most other kids got. I should point out that I also have a sister, who is the closest in age to me. Growing up, me and my sister got on like oil and water. I’m surprised my mum managed to survive through my early years – in the same year my sister turned sixteen I was going through my “terrible twos”. I have always been a mummy’s boy. Even now that I’m in my 20’s, I get on great with my mum and have a good relationship with her. I bring up my mum because she was my first ever contact with mental illnesses. My mum had panic attacks and generalised anxiety when I was younger. I have multiple memories of us being somewhere and my mum suddenly bursting into floods of tears, sometimes running away, and my dad having to track her down and console her. It was an incredibly scary experience as a child but, to my mum’s credit, she did a great job of explaining things as she calmed down. She would tell me it wasn’t anyone’s fault, that it was something that was medically wrong with her like being sick and that I shouldn’t blame myself for her attacks. Her explanations were pivotal in my understanding of mental illnesses and my dad’s behaviour during these attacks served as an example to me for the rest of my life on how to deal with a crisis situation.

Even far back in my childhood, symptoms of my bipolar were there. It was subtle, but there were things about me that made me different from other kids. I could be morose or have fits of worry every now and then. I would worry about dying, or someone in my family being hurt. I was very young when I realised that, because there was such a big age gap between me and the rest of my family, I was most likely going to have to watch my whole family die. I’d have to attend their funerals, possibly give speeches, and then I’d be left alone at the end. This terrified me as a child and even now it still serves as a strange sort of morbid obsession during my low days. For instance, I have the speech I will give at my father’s funeral memorised and have done for quite some time. My dad isn’t even ill and shows no signs of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but it plays in my head so often that I’ll be prepared for when that day comes. In fact, I’ll be prepared in more ways than one. Ever since I was a child, I have been experiencing a symptom of bipolar affective disorder that I didn’t even realise was unusual until I was diagnosed. I spent my entire life thinking everyone got this at certain points in their lives and it was only after a conversation with my girlfriend where she pointed out that this wasn’t normal that I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. This symptom is called Disassociation. Disassociation can happen multiple ways, but it always affects me the same way. During moments of crisis, moments of importance or sometimes when I feel I am in a place of some significance, I feel as if I leave my body and allow another entity to control it. That sounds far more sinister than what it actually feels like so let me try and explain it as best I can. Most people experience going on autopilot, where their mind switches off and they continue to do some monotonous or repetitive task. My Disassociation feels a bit like that. The entity that takes over my body is my autopilot. He will do what I would want to do anyway. He doesn’t have his own needs or wants. He just does. I, on the other hand, leave my body. I picture it like that episode of Tom & Jerry where Tom accidentally kills himself with a falling piano while chasing Jerry. His soul leaves his body and rises up to cat heaven only to not be allowed in because he’s been so mean to Jerry. Well my “soul” (I don’t believe in a soul so the more fitting term here would probably be id) leaves me in the same way and floats, just above and behind me, and observes. I feel like I am acting like a documentarian in these moments. Like a wildlife cameraman observing the animal he has been tracking for years being eaten by a predator – I am totally detached. I’m there to watch, not to influence. Sometimes I think maybe I’m me in the future, remembering this event and not actually the present me at all. Does this make sense? It’s a very strange sensation and, from what I gather, kind of unique to me so I really struggle to explain it to other people. My girlfriend thinks she can sometimes tell when I’m disassociating though. She says I become wide-eyed and emotionless, talking in a monotone. This might be true, but she has only been able to correctly identify when I’m disassociating twice in the entire time I’ve known her so it might just be they were particularly noticeable incidents.

Of course, the other big symptom of Bipolar Affective Disorder is the mood cycles. When I was younger, my cycles were generally rather enjoyable but as I have gotten older, they have gotten less enjoyable and more something to be monitored and observed. Before I go any further into how my cycle affects me, I feel I should spend a bit of time explaining the cycle as a lot of people don’t really get the Bipolar cycle and there is a lot of misinformation in the media. To put it in the simplest terms, lets imagine a scale from 0 to 10. Now if you are a neurotypical, normal person, I want you to imagine the happiest you have ever been. Then I want you to imagine the saddest you’ve ever been. Now if I was to say to you that 0 is the worst and 10 is the best, where would you put those memories? Probably 0 and 10, right? Well, in terms of measuring bipolar moods, we tend to use the 0 to 10 scale as well but ours is a bit different. When you get down to 0, there should be extreme hopelessness. Either you haven’t moved for extended periods, haven’t eaten and most likely have self-harmed, tried to commit suicide or have at least given it serious thought. Now your 0 may hit a lot of those same notes. You may have considered killing yourself after the death of a close loved one or a life event that hit you particularly hard. Once again, I want you to think back to that worst moment in your life. Now what if I said you’d feel that way every few months. You feel like that, not because something has happened or because you lost something but because it’s September. It’s just that time again. Now let’s go to the other side of the spectrum. This one is a little trickier because it involves more than just emotion, it involves energy levels and sanity levels. This is an important thing to bear in mind with bipolar. If you’re a normal person, your 10 is the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. If you’re bipolar, you’re 10 is the furthest from reality you’ve ever been in your life. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes mania can feel great but sometimes it can feel like hell. A 10 on the bipolar scale can involve hallucinations, delusions of grandeur, an insane amount of energy that absolutely must be excised, a manic state and way of speaking and a lack of need to sleep. Seriously, while manic I can sleep for as little as 2 hours in a 48-hour period and feel absolutely fine. The only upside to a manic state is that it can sometimes feel really good and all that energy helps you get through a lot of work if you can keep focused. You also tend to get a burst of creativity while manic which can help with business projects, artistic creations or even writing the first post for a new blog!

I think I’ll leave it here for my first blog post, I’ve explained a little about myself and why I wanted to start this blog, but mostly rambled in my scatter-brained way about my bipolar disorder. I think I’ve put enough words down for today and I’ll pick up on this tomorrow. I promise I will get into more of the general diary keeping and talking about the proposal, but I feel it is important to get this bipolar stuff explained first so that you know what lens I look at the world through before I start telling you what I can see. And if you’re reading this, I love you Gorgeous!

-B

#bipolar #bipolaraffectivedisorder #bipolardisorder #proposal #marriage #blog #firstpostever #personal #bipolar affective disorder

[peckhampeculiar]

Twerking nine to five

PECKHAM’S KELECHNEKOFF STUDIO OFFERS FITNESS CLASSES RANGING FROM POLE-DANCING TO TWERKING TO YOGA. We meet its inspirational founder – the personal trainer, actress and Peckham resident Kelechi Okafor

WORDS JUMOKÉ FASHOLA PHOTO DILESH SOLANKI

I don’t think you could find anyone prouder to be a south Londoner than Kelechi Okafor. Born in Nigeria, she arrived to join her mother in Peckham at the age of five and the area has been her home ever since.

Describing herself as a ride or die Peckhamite, she not only lives locally, but has also established her Kelechnekoff fitness studio here.

Kelechi is a fierce, fun and fabulous woman, with boundless energy, who sees her remit as one of reclaiming the narrative about what it means to be a strong black female in the age of social media.

Her studio, based in the Sojourner Truth Centre on Sumner Road, offers everything from yoga to pole-dancing to twerking. Why twerking?

“One of the things I wanted from having a space like this,” she says, “is to allow women across the board to be tender and engage fully with their bodies.

“Because society has hyper-sexualised the female body so much, and the black female body specifically, there are women who just want to be as far away from that narrative as possible, not understanding that our power lies in the sexuality and sensuality of being a woman. That’s what I want us to take back.”

As an actor, director and personal trainer who specialises in twerk and pole-dance fitness, it’s been a challenging road to get to where she is today – from the homelessness she experienced as a teenager to supporting her mother and brothers, to depression, therapy, having to integrate into a new family when she first arrived in the UK, childhood sexual abuse and a lot more.

She has survived and is very open about her personal journey to date, particularly on social media. No topic is off limits – black issues, police brutality, mental health, her own recent miscarriage.

She has amassed a following of almost 35,000 people on Twitter, with a further 12,400 followers on Instagram. Where did her fascination with social media start?

“It was probably around 2013, when the shift started happening and I just felt that we had something here that allowed us to communicate with everybody, worldwide,” she says.

“I’ve always been a writer, and when Twitter came along I just took to it, because I thought, ‘This is a space where I can say what I’m thinking and I can put it out there as a form of microblogging.’

“I joined it when hardly anyone else was on there and I remember when the influx of celebrities started joining us. I thought, ‘There goes the neighbourhood, they are going to ruin everything!” she laughs.

“But it has changed and I’ve changed with it, as I saw how it allowed us to have our own voice separate from the narrative that we were getting from the media.

“I feel that this is where the power is. It’s an opportunity for me, Kelechi, to give you an alternative narrative to what you’d normally get from the mainstream.”

But in being so outspoken across her social media platforms, has there been a cost? “Yes, there has been, but I think that for anything that matters to you, there is always a sacrifice,” she says.

“Occasionally I will go online and there will be someone calling me a black b**** or a black this. Sometimes I save the tweets. Perhaps one day I’ll take it to court and then they’ll have to show up and explain that email or tweet they sent. But it hasn’t really got there.

“I did have horse manure sent to me in the first small studio I opened in Clapton, though,” she remembers ruefully.

“I had been speaking that weekend about the appropriation of black culture by mainstream pop artists.

“I was pointing out that when it’s ‘appropriation’, there’s always someone with more power who benefits from it financially. If it was ‘appreciation’, the person who has less of the power should be benefiting from it but they’re not.

“I was explaining that and someone got extremely upset with something I said, because soon after, I got horse manure posted to me anonymously.

“Although,” she laughs, “it didn’t even offend me because it was so well packaged and 100 per cent organic.”

What was the response to that experience from her social media followers?

“I have a lot of black female followers who care about my safety and care about my wellbeing. So, someone wrote an article for BuzzFeed about it, which basically helped promote my studio.

“Many people, men and women, sent me flowers and books of poetry including one by Maya Angelou. I just received so much love.”

Whatever the challenges she has faced in life, keeping fit has always been her way of working through issues.

“I’ve always been active and into sports”, she says. “Growing up, I played football and netball. It was stuff I didn’t have to try hard at, it was just a skill that I had.

“I had wanted to be head girl at school but my teacher thought I was too boisterous for that, so she said I could be sports captain instead.”

Her love of sport comes not just from her innate ability, but also from the discipline that it requires.

“When I was in secondary school I joined the air cadets. All I’ve ever yearned for, after not seeing it in the family home, is discipline. I like routine and structure.

“I think we were in year eight when we had a talk from the air cadets. And I thought, ‘Yeah, that’s it, I’m becoming an air cadet.’”

True to form she worked hard at it and for her, “the psychological part of the training gave me a break from being the one who did everything at home and having to be in control of everyone. I wanted and needed that break.”

Alongside fitness, her other passion is acting. It was a choice of career that her mother was dead set against.

“I can understand why,” she muses. “If you’re losing your home and don’t have a regular job, what you want for your children is a steady job. You want to know that they will never suffer or want for anything. Mum was like, ‘Just be a lawyer, you are such a great orator’.”

As a compromise, Kelechi found a course that would allow her to study both drama and law at Liverpool Hope University.

“I’d never been to Liverpool before,” she says, “but that’s the only place which was offering that degree.”

Coming back to London, she started working at a call centre and found it soul destroying.

“I remember going through London Bridge one day and just thinking, ‘There has to be something I can do where I’m not at the mercy of this corporation’. And I just thought, ‘I’ll become a personal trainer’. Fitness was the thing I loved most after acting.

“I saved up my money from my job, paid for a distance learning course and then I did lots of work experience in different gyms.”

Her business took off straightaway, courtesy of her followers on social media.

“When I did qualify, there were already women on Twitter and Instagram who were like, ‘Just come and train me’.

“So I went into that and that’s when I started to see the kind of freedom and flexibility that I could have access to without being at the mercy of big corporations.”

Her personal background means that she has a real desire to see women embrace who they truly are, not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.

“What I really want for women to understand, especially when it comes to our bodies, is that we only have this one body,” she says.

“When I start training people, I want them to understand that there’s nothing I can do that’s going to make them more beautiful.

“I can get you slimmer if that’s what you really want. I can get you more toned, but none of these things are actually going to make you more beautiful, because it’s not really based on what you look like.

“[It’s about] getting my clients to understand that to me, personal training is 80 per cent psychological and emotional, and 20 per cent physical.

“You didn’t come to me because you care about your fitness, not really. There’s something else that’s happening there. What is that thing?

“If we talk about that ‘thing’, then the fitness doesn’t feel so bad. I’ve had women and men break down into tears when we’ve been having a session because I will say things like, ‘I just feel today that you’re holding a lot in’.

“I can feel it and then they let that out. And that’s what they needed. Then they feel safer because they know that I will spot it if they’re holding a lot that day and we taper the session to create space for them.”

She’s irritated by men who try to dominate in gyms. “I’ve had it myself when I’ll be training at the gym and a guy who clearly knows nothing about fitness comes up to me, just because I’m a woman, and says, ‘So when you’re doing this you really want to do it like this.’

“Wait, you’re telling me, the actual professional, how to do it?! And then they often have the temerity to say, ‘Don’t grow too much muscle though, because you don’t want to look like a man.’”

She dislikes the way Christmas and the new year are promoted to us commercially.

“It’s interesting to me how around Christmas time, the focus in adverts is on massive turkeys, chocolates etcetera, pushing a form of gluttony on us.

“Then as soon as January hits, it’s ‘You, disgusting fatty, get to the gym, get fit’, and I just think that we have to pull ourselves out of that. We are being sold one thing while being beaten with another. What does that do to your self esteem? We never know where we stand because companies were just telling us five minutes ago to eat all of the food!”

What’s on offer at her own gym is a way, according to her, of connecting women to the “divine feminine” through dance.

“With the twerking classes at the studio I wanted to celebrate my African-ness while still paying homage to the ways in which it has changed and how it’s now become linked with hip hop culture,” she says.

Also available at the Kelechnekoff studio are very popular classes in pole-dancing and also yoga, which she is particularly keen to make accessible to all, especially those on lower incomes.

She hopes in 2019 to include a few more aerial disciplines, such as aerial hoops and also Wing Chun defence classes. Primarily though, whether it’s a twerk hen party or a pole-dancing class, her dream is that the studio continues to be a fun place that celebrates all women.

On a personal level as we approach the new year, she’s living by her own mantra: “Don’t stop striving for that thing that makes your heart warm. You deserve it. You can achieve it.”

[rinniboo]

I decided to embark on a solo trip to Bali after seeing travel brochures for a paradise looking like island and I was sold! I also found it’s a pretty safe place to travel alone and the locals are very friendly. So here’s my fantastical blog on what I did there for a week with all of my golden tricks and tips!

Ladies travelling back from prayer

What originally started as a month long trip around Asia had to unfortunately get cut down to two weeks max as I picked up a new job contract. So I had already planned to fly to Singapore and use it as my base, which is very common when travelling around Asia! Singapore airport is not only the most popular place for connecting flights but long running top rated! Check out my Singapore in a weekend blog post here. I booked a return flight to Bali with Scoot and I read reviews that it was a great budget airline to use.

You can hire a horse to ride along the beach at Gili T

Unfortunately, I had quite a terrible experience with my flights out to Bali from Singapore as the pilot announced an hour into the flight that we were delayed for half an hour because they originally couldn’t turn the engine on! That was resolved after they restarted it but now we had to turn around and land back into Singapore because a new fault has cropped up! This meant we had to fly around for three hours to burn enough fuel to land and then we didn’t get onto a replacement flight and actually into Bali until 6 hours later! By this time all my plans to check out the local neighbourhood, sample the local cuisine and sit down to plan my trip there with everything unpacked had gone out the window! I also got charged a fee for an after hours pick up from the hotel, which I was not aware of and I had already given the taxi driver a big tip anyway! Thankfully my flights back all ran quite smoothly and I left plenty of time to catch my flight home to the UK straight from Singapore (lots of time to hit the duty free – hard!)

  The Moksha Ubud garden

The Moksha Ubud communal pool

Views from The Moksha Ubud

I had pre organised an AirBnB well in advanced at the Spa & villa Moksha Ubud. It’s a beautiful villa with a communal pool, garden and spa hut out back where you can pick and choose from a range of spa treatments and even book a week package where you can get a select few wonderful treatments each day! The place is run by the friendly duo Mega and Ali with dedicated security at night and a great team that made me feel safe and right at home. They do not rent out scooters but you’re only less than a 5 min walk from the main road where there’s a plethora of travel shops and stalls where you can hire scooters, book transport and a variety of trips.

  The Fire dance and performance was a spectacular to watch!

Temples! Temples everywhere!

You can’t go to the yoga mecca without going to at least one yoga class! Try Radiantly Alive Yoga or the famous Yoga Barn!

For the first day I farmiliarised myself with my local surroundings so I took a walk along the whole length of the main road and scouted out where the most popular places were to eat by the locals. I then ventured to the monkey forest where they had an event on and all of the women were there dressed in their traditional prayer garments and listening to the show and testimonials. Having visited a monkey forest in Manchester before, the proximity to the cheeky furry creatures was not new. However, their fearlessness of teasing visitors and nicking personal belongings astounded me! I made sure all of my things were tightly packed away in my drawstring bag, but even an unfortunate shop keeper from the string of stalls in there had their stationary stolen by a cheeky monkey!

  All of the architecture just took my breath away, the temple arches were decadently adorned and everywhere exudes history with the mossy weathered cobbles and bricks. I really disliked how touristy Ubud was as the streets were heaving with visitors and this attracted a lot of hawkers, which unfortunately made every step along the road a constant battle to reject taxi rides! A great way I met new people, locals and other solo female travelers (which there were a lot of in Ubud!) was by using the Couchsurfing app. Speaking the local Maly language encourages shopkeepers at the local markets to haggle in your favor and is a great shopping experience!

  Other great apps and links:

Flytographer.com – capture all those memories by hiring a photographer

Booking.com – book from over 400,000 home-stays and hotels around you like any other a hotel

AirBnB – Search some great hidden gems to stay in

Through making friends with other fellow female travelers using networking apps, and just going out for a meal at busy restaurants to get chatting with others around me I managed to arrange a day trip and share a taxi with mutual new friends and visited; The Monkey Temple – they have occasional parties here after hours, so get the invite through word of mouth from the locals for a fantastic night there when the sun sets!

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A variety of temples including the beautiful Water Temple, a coffee plantation – get a tour guide to take some candid photos and taste test all the coffee they make on the plant for FREE! The additional famous ‘poo coffee’ is at an additional cost but it makes for a great story! Rice fields – unfortunately, if you thought Ubud was too touristy, the popular rice fields are a lot worse! The locals have barricaded any tourist photo opportunity spots and have even set up a toll to progress any further up the paddies! It did dampen my experience, but luckily it wasn’t top of my bucket list.

  Bali has a plethora of temples to explore from their religious roots that has been at the heart of every Balinese for centuries. Each place has their own rules to be respected but you can really get up close and personal with the ancient rooms and artifacts.

  You can hire a horse to ride along the beach at Gili T

Whilst I was there I really had to visit the insta-famous Gili Islands. My heart sank when I almost couldn’t squeeze it into my itinerary, but I organised a 1 night stay at Gili Twargran at a wonderful villa, Ko-ko-mo. Known for its bustling parties at night, it was a great choice out of the 3 islands. Gili T is best for the younger audience that likes a party, Gili Meno is full on honeymooners and Gili Air is the best for a relaxed island break.

  You can hire a bike for the day and it takes around an hour to cycle around the whole island. I picked the best time in the afternoon to set off and the sun just started to set as I was getting closer to the famous Hotel Ombak swing sunset Insta-photo opp location. Luckily I found a great spot just before the hotel that was a lot quieter and quaint to take a swing photo! The hawking of sales was a lot less and more manageable being on a small island but that means the prices are a bit higher and there’s less of chance of a successful haggle. After watching one of the most beautiful sunsets on earth the night life really kicks into action! There are a few locations for outdoor movies and dining options to chill out with, but just shy of a few minutes away near the night markets where you can get fresh food cooked right under your nose is the booming clubs where you can party the night away!

  The fast boat back to Bali was the worst experience I had in the whole holiday. It took a while longer to get back than the journey out to the island because it had a lot of stops to take along the way, and it needed an inspection halfway to ensure it was not overcrowded- which is common and very dangerous. It was great having the wind in my hair on the upper deck until the tide changed and we were all getting soaked! So we had to retreat back inside where it was hot and stuffy which was ripe conditions for sea sickness. I really had to get into my zen mode to stop throwing up! When we finally reached the dock at Bali I was cold, exhausted and just wanted to quickly get back to Ubud and crash in my bed. Horribly there was a bombardment of taxi services which even made it difficult to get off the boat! I think I know what it’s like to be harassed by paparazzi! I had to be pulled onto land! Thankfully, I had a very informative taxi representative that recommended a driver to me, obviously it was at tourist prices. I thought I had booked a ride back but unfortunately this is quite common. You can take a private taxi back to Ubud for 350k-500k IDR or take a shuttle bus for around 120k IDR that takes longer and drops off everyone along the way. It was my own space and aircon back for me!

Recommended places to stay in Gili T:

Ko-ko-mo resort Gili Trawangan

Hotel Ombak Sunset

Pearl of Trawangan

Santorini Beach Resort

How did I end my amazing solo trip?? With dinner at the local of course; Mee goreng and a Bintang – A Bali home brew!

I had an amazing experience of the best and the worst of solo travelling. It was a great way to learn more about myself, overcome my personal fears of social anxieties, learning to swim and make great new friends for life! I really felt it was one of the most enriching things that I’ve done in my life, and learning a skill to not only overcome a fear but to fulfil my dream of swimming with turtles was an empowering point in my life. I felt like I could do anything! So I passionately encourage everyone that’s thinking of travelling on their own to 100% do it! Do your research thoroughly, and prepare yourself for a trip of a life time. Take that leap of faith, because a wise man once said ‘if you think you can, you will!’.

  Check out my last travel blog on First cruise with P&O review or check out my last tech blog A woman’s review of the FitBit Alta HR

Let me know in the comments if you have been to Bali or any of the Gili islands before and if you have any great tips for solo travelling.

Female Solo #Travelling - Indonesia. #Bali #GiliTrawangan #femalesolotravel #solotravel #travel #travelblog I decided to embark on a solo trip to Bali after seeing travel brochures for a paradise looking like island and I was sold!

#culture #life #lifestyle #reviews #Travel #women

[beencaughts]

Ұ ♢ and ¿ reversed!!

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

Ұ - for my muse to comfort yours after witnessing an emotional meltdown

Luna sat at her desk absentmindedly doodling in her notebook as she attempted to study, but it was a lost cause because she couldn’t bring herself to focus. Prince had been pretty secretive about what he was doing the last few days, and she couldn’t figure out why. When she asked their friends about it, they also had no clue. Surely, Prince didn’t have to hide things from her, so what he could he have possibly been doing that he couldn’t tell her? Luna threw her pen down in frustration, letting out a long sigh. Her interest was peaked, though, when her phone lit up with a phone call from him. “¿Diga?” Luna answered in her native tongue. He hadn’t told her much except that he needed her to come to his flat as soon as she could. Worry flowed through her nerves as she made her way to Prince. She raised an eyebrow when she heard loud crashes filtering down the hallway of the building until she realized where it was coming from causing her to run into his apartment. “Prince, what the hell?” Luna questioned, taking in the sight of his destroyed living room. The brunette rushed over to her boyfriend and took his face in her hands. “What’s going on?” Prince explained that he was being so secretive because his mom had come back around, and he didn’t want anyone to know about it. It was fairly obvious to her that Prince would resent his parents —hell, she resented them and she had never met them a day in her life. It was beyond Luna how people couldn’t love their kids more than anything in the world. Neglectful parents had to be the one thing that sent her over the edge, and it broke her heart that Prince had to be a victim of it. It broke her heart to see the pain in his eyes that his mom had caused. She swears she can tell that he’s one minute away from actually crying. Pulling him into her arms, Luna soothingly ran her fingers through his hair as her other hand rubbed his back. “You don’t need her, okay? She doesn’t deserve to see the wonderful person you turned out to be, and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve to get you riled up like this.” Luna had to stop speaking for a second to take a deep breath because she could feel herself growing angrier the more they talked about it, so she could imagine how he was feeling. “We can do whatever you want tonight. Fuck, drink, smoke, arsony — anything. You just say the word.” She pulled out of their embrace slightly to look at him, a comforting smile on her face. “I love you.”

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola had to come to terms that Jason was going to go at his own pace in their relationship. She was aware that a lot of his fears stemmed from his own parents. Iola didn’t fully understand his fears, but she tried to respect the way he felt anyway because she never wanted to invalidate his feelings. Her eldest sister invited their whole family over for dinner because she had an important announcement to make. The night had been going fantastic. Iola was such a family person, and it always made her happy to be around them and to see the love her life bond with the people she loved most. Iola’s sister called for everyone’s attention to announce that she and her husband were expecting their second kid. The blonde was genuinely happy for her sister because she loved her niece so much, but she couldn’t quite help the ping of jealousy she felt. Iola and Jason were probably married in every sense except on paper, but it still bugged her that he wouldn’t go that far if it were that simple. She just wanted the fairytale: the proposal, the wedding, the kids just like her sister, and Jason was making her wait for it. Iola was only 23, but she knew what she wanted. Iola didn’t want to bother Jason with the same old conversation about getting married and having kids; it was just hard for her to pretend that she was still in that good of a mood. She had been silent the whole car ride back home and barely spoke when they got home. It was impossible for Jason not to pick up on her mood and why she was that way. Iola had no intentions of talking about it because there was no point to rehash the same argument until she heard him calling her name from their bedroom. It was shocking that he was the one to bring it up especially since she was trying to avoid it. Iola sat and listened to him, but she noticed that he was getting worked up explaining to her why he didn’t want to get married so soon. She didn’t want him to shut down on her again, so she attempted to comfort him before he got too far. “Hey, hey, hey,” Iola said, resting her hands on his shoulder to calm him down. “Babe, we don’t have to talk about this. I know I was a little upset, but I can’t help it. I know and I understand why you don’t want to do all of that right now. We don’t have to talk about this ever again.” Iola placed a kiss on his forehead before engulfing him in a big hug to lighten up the mood.

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna couldn’t have possibly predicted that Zayn was going to break up with her while they were visiting his family. She thought that everything had been going well with them. So well that he made the decision to bring her back to the UK to meet his family. It felt like someone had ripped her heart out of her chest. Arianna was distraught. He hadn’t given her a reason why; he just ended things without an explanation. She was so confused, but there was nothing she could do about it now. There was no reason for her to travel all the way back to LA so soon, so she decided to go back to South Shields to pay her mom and other siblings a visit. The cold air sent shivers through her, her arms tightening her coat around her as she walked down South Shields’ streets. She had been on her way to grab some breakfast for her family when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. A confused look washed over her face when the caller ID read it was from a hospital. Perhaps there was something wrong with Reni? Reluctantly, Arianna answered her phone. The Brit abandoned any tasks that she had planned for the day as she rushed over to the hospital because something was wrong with Zayn. Call her an idiot, but she would still do anything for him even though they were broken up. The room was empty, the sight of Zayn in the hospital bed breaking her heart further. “What the hell happened to you, Zayn?” Arianna rushed to his side to get a better look at him. He had asked her if they really were broken up because he couldn’t remember if it were true which only confused her further because how didn’t he remember? He began to explain what happened after he left. The reason he broke up with her, the drugs, the overdose. Arianna noticed that he began to stutter and his hands shook as he talked about it. “I don’t want to not be.. us anymore, Ari. We don’t work normally, neither of us understands the ‘thing’ we have over each other but it works. That’s how we are, and that’s how we are together and we’re not supposed to be apart, I wish I hadn’t broken up with you, I shouldn’t have because I don’t want anything or anyone more than I want you.” Arianna could see that he was overwhelmed especially considering he almost died, so she just pulled him into her arms, shushing him to let him know he didn’t have to say anything else. “It’s okay, Zayn. How about we talk about this when you’re feeling better? We don’t have to decide anything right now. I love you, okay?” 

⊰ v. what if ⊱

In hindsight, Arianna should’ve expected this to happen one day. The way that toyed with Ashton’s emotions was eventually going to take a toll on him and their relationship. Ari didn’t know why she had to have Zayn and Ashton, but she couldn’t let either of them go. Zayn didn’t have to question where he stood with Ari because they were married. Ashton, on the other, was always in limbo about what they were, where they stood, and if they had a chance of doing things long term. Arianna knew she could never give that to Ashton, but it didn’t stop her from sometimes giving him the impression that she could. Ari was being selfish instead of considering how he felt which landed her in the position that she was in now. Ashton had been crying and going on about her, essentially, manipulative ways to get him to be there for her when he actually had genuine feelings for her. He loved her. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to do all of the things that Zayn could and he couldn’t. Arianna felt sorry for him, but most of all, she started hating herself. How could she do this to him? But right now it wasn’t about her. It was about making Ashton feel better like he did for her all those times. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, hugging him from behind. “I know I’m selfish, and that I lead you on, so I’m sorry.” She placed small kisses to his shoulder blades, not really knowing if this was helping the situation or not. Unwrapping her arms from around his waist, Arianna moved around to look at his face. She placed a hand on his cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears that had been there. “I’ll leave, Ash. And I won’t bother you until you want me to. You don’t even have to talk to me after this if you don’t want. Just be happy, okay?” Tears had begun welling in her own eyes as she gave him a sad smile. Arianna didn’t want to leave him. It was obvious from the fact that she was about to cry, but she hoped that her words provided comfort for him that he didn’t have to continue things with her if it was taking such an emotional toll on him.

♢ - for my muse to introduce yours to a family member

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

Growing up in Spain, respect was the biggest lesson that was taught to Luna. No matter what she had to respect those that were older or supposedly had authority over her. It was usually difficult for her to hold true to that value because she was so outspoken and sarcastic, but she tended to do it anyway because she would always hear her mom’s voice yelling at her. However, right now, Luna didn’t care about her mom’s voice in her head because all she could see was red (literally and figuratively). She couldn’t believe that she was standing face-to-face with the woman that abandoned her boyfriend and his sister. Luna probably should stop showing up to Prince’s apartment unannounced, but she never expected to walk in on this. She put on her best smile as Prince introduced her to his mom. The brunette shook her hand, muttering a ‘nice to meet you’ to the woman. It made sense why he had been being so secretive and elusive lately. But Prince was very often an asshole to people who were nice to him, so why was he being so forgiving of his mother considering that he hated her? It was beyond Luna’s comprehension. They were just about to head out of the door when Luna arrived, so she decided to just go along with them since she was already there. The car ride was awkward and tense. The building looked old and run down. It was in one of the worst neighborhoods in London. Luna had heard a lot about it but never seen it until tonight. But even as they drove back to his flat, she couldn’t let it go. Luna was fiercely protective of those she loved and that included Prince. The one moment he showed some vulnerability, he was taken advantage of by his own mother. Luna would kick her own ass if she let his mom get away with that. The two of them had been hanging out for a while when Luna detangled herself from her boyfriend, walking over to put on her jacket. He gave her a confused look and asked where she was headed off to. “I actually forgot I had something in the oven before I came over here. If I burn down the building, I think Cass and everyone else would be pissed at me. I’ll be back soon,” Luna smiled, kissing Prince’s forehead. Prince would probably kill her if he knew that she had come back to that part of town by herself, but at least she was there for a good cause. It hadn’t taken her long to find his mom because her front door read ‘Jameson’. Luna knocked on the door, her annoyance growing tenfold at the sight of his mom again. The lady attempted to make small talk with Luna, asking her what she was doing there, but the Spaniard couldn’t take it. Before Luna could even think about it, her fist was connecting with Prince’s mom’s nose. She grabbed a fistful of her poorly dyed hair, dragging her into the apartment to avoid drawing attention to them. “Oh my god, you have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to do this since I’ve met you,” Luna admitted, seemingly unbothered by the woman trying to free herself from Luna’s grasp. With her hold on the woman’s hair still firm, Luna brought her up to eye level. “Si pensabas que lo que su padre solía hacerte era malo, espera a que acabe contigo, okay? You don’t come back into my boyfriend’s life just to take advantage of him and think you’re going to get away with it. No en mi reloj.” Luna finally released his mom, throwing her to the ground with force. The next fifteen minutes of Luna’s life was spent kicking someone’s ass who did the two things she hated most: hurting the people she loved and neglecting their kids. And even though she left with her hand absolutely killing her, it was all worth it.

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola was probably more nervous than Jason about him meeting her mom. She was a total daddy’s girl which was why she thought starting with her mom would be easier. Her dad would be more skeptical about Iola and Jason’s age difference despite the fact that Iola’s mom was 20 years younger than him. It would seem as though their 2 year age difference wouldn’t make anyone in her family bat an eyelash, but since Iola was still technically underage, it was more questionable. Iola took one last look in the mirror, fixing her brown hair before making her way to the front door. Her mom had gone to take her dad to the airport for one of his business trips, so she invited Jason over before her mom came back. It was weird to Iola to have Jason over. He had only seen the outside of her actual house a month ago, and now he was about to see the inside of it. She didn’t want him to think of her and her family as uppity rich people but as she looked around her foyer, it seemed impossible to avoid him thinking that. The polished marble floors, spiral grand staircase, expensive statue and chandelier hanging in the center to greet people — Iola was in for a long day of not only convincing her mom but her boyfriend too. “Hi, Jason!” Iola smiled, stepping aside to let him step through the large door. She debated on telling him to take his shoes off because they just got the floors done, but she decided getting yelled at by her mom was worth it to not seem so pretentious. “Welcome to my humble abode. My mom should be home soon. She’s really nice and sweet, I swear.” She decided to show him around her house until her mom came. Iola could feel her palms sweating as she introduced the two of them. He was technically the first boy she ever brought home as her boyfriend, so it was a big moment for her. But she quickly realized that she was worrying for nothing. Jason and her mom got on really well. Her mom didn’t even comment on him being 18 (at least not while he was there). She breathed a sigh of relief once her mom gave her the stamp of approval. This was only going to make it all easier when he met the rest of her family. Her mom had something else to take care of, so Iola led Jason up to her bedroom. “I hope all of this wasn’t too overwhelming. You’ve only just seen my house and now you’re inside of it and meeting my mom. I just hope I haven’t scared you off,” She spoke softly, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a kiss. 

⊰ v. what if ⊱

Arianna wasn’t sure how Ashton was going to react to this. She debated with herself a lot if this was even the right thing to do, but he was important to her. No matter what was going on between them, she still had love for him which meant she wanted to share important parts of her life with him. They hadn’t spoken in months. Arianna was the one that cut off communication because she and Zayn were going through some things, and she needed to focus her energy there. She didn’t want to have Ashton as her safety net, and that was the best way to do it. Ari was almost sure that he hated her by now and never wanted to see her again, but the least she could do was stop by and tell him the reason why she had disappeared. He could tell her that he never wanted to speak after, but her guilty conscience was telling her that she owed him this. She was nearly having a panic attack as she approached his home. Her legs felt weak and her hands shook tremendously. She forced herself to ring his doorbell, putting on a nervous smile once he came to the door. Ashton’s face was unreadable, and it was for a good reason too. “Hi, Ashton. I know this is a surprise, but could I come in and I’ll explain everything?” He hadn’t had much of a choice but to let her in, though. “The reason I disappeared for so long, as you’ve probably already guessed, was because I was pregnant. And this is my baby, Leilani.” Arianna removed the blanket that was covering Leilani to reveal her sleeping face to Ashton. “I didn’t want to ignore you, but I had to. I needed to get through this with my husband without having you to fall back on. And I—” Ari hesitated. She didn’t want to say that another reason why she stopped talking to him was because she didn’t want to come to the conclusion that whatever they had before she got pregnant was done. Ariana couldn’t and wouldn’t carry on with her and Ashton’s relationship. She had a duty as a wife and a mother now to devote her time to her family. Ari couldn’t fool around with Ashton anymore. “Would you like to hold her?” 

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna thought that this day would never come. When she left South Shields to go to New York with her best friend, she thought that was the end of her suffering. She thought that she would never have to see the man that tormented her for her whole childhood and even during her adolescence, but she was wrong. Arianna didn’t know why her mom thought it was a good idea to invite her dad to Christmas dinner. Her life had been going so well and, of course, her mom had to ruin it. Ari normally didn’t even spend Christmas with her family, always picking Zayn’s over her own, but she thought it would be a good idea this year since she just gave birth to her daughter a few months ago and thought that her family would want to see her. “Oh my god,” Arianna exclaimed at the sight of her dad. Her mom tried to explain why she invited him, but Ari cut her off with the shake of her head. Zayn stood at her side with a confused look on his face. “Where are my manners? Zayn, that’s my asshole of a father. Asshole, this is my husband that has to deal with all of the psychological and emotional damage you caused,” Ari said sardonically before giving her father the finger. Arianna had spent so many years scared of her dad that she would never dream of talking to him that way, but she was so angry that she didn’t even care. Ari was a grown woman now. She didn’t need to be scared of him anymore. The blonde hurriedly threw on her coat, gathering all of Leilani’s things and ushering Zayn to follow her out of the door. “Oh my god! I can’t believe any of them thought that inviting him was remotely a good idea. You try to be nice to people, to let them in, and they just stab you in the back!” Arianna tried to calm herself down, but she couldn’t with how angry she was. She paused halfway down the sidewalk to control her breathing. “Could you take Leilani to the car, babe? I just need some time to calm down and breathe.” Arianna passed the stroller over to her husband, giving him a quick peck, before continuing on her journey until she found somewhere to sit.

¿ reversed - for your muse to ask mine a personal or uncomfortable question

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

“Matt, what am I going to tell him?” Luna whined, throwing her head back in anguish. Since last night, Luna was pretty sure she fractured her hand from punching Prince’s mom too hard. She was able to deal with the pain for the night, but when she woke up this morning her hand had grown in size, and she could hardly move her fingers. She managed to get out without waking up Prince, calling on Matt to drive her to the hospital to get it checked. Now she had a huge splint on her hand and no excuse to tell Prince. “I told him that I went to go turn off my oven. How would I have possibly broken my hand doing that?” Matthew shrugged. “This might sound crazy, and don’t break your other hand punching me for saying this, but maybe you should tell him the truth. Prince hates his mom. Yeah, he helped her, but I don’t really think he’d care that you slapped her around a bit.” Luna brushed off Matthew’s suggestion. Prince was unpredictable. Luna could think he would react one way, and he would do the exact opposite. She would hope that he wouldn’t be mad at her because she only did it for him but his mom was clearly a crack in his hard exterior. “No eres de ayuda,” the Spaniard muttered as Prince’s apartment building came into view. Thanking Matthew for taking her, Luna slowly dragged herself upstairs and into her boyfriend’s flat. Prince’s face was washed with confusion once he caught a glimpse of her hand, instantly asking what the fuck happened to her. She shifted uncomfortably, not knowing if she should tell the truth or not. Maybe she could say Matt tried to hit on her and that’s who she punched, but she figured that that lie would only make things worse. “I..uh..” Luna stammered nervously. “I slammed it in the oven?” She offered weakly, and of course, Prince wasn’t buying it. Luna obviously didn’t want to reveal how she injured herself, but her boyfriend wasn’t letting it go that easily especially since her lie was horrendously bad. “Okay, fine! If I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t get mad and overreact. And remember, I did this for you.” Luna took a deep breath before she continued. “When I said that I left my oven on, I lied. I actually went back to the place we took your mom because I couldn’t meet the woman that left the love of my life with her abuser and not kick her ass. She was totally taking advantage of you, baby. You’re hardly ever that nice to me or our friends! And she took advantage of that. Someone had to teach her a lesson, and why not your super sexy, trained fighter, archery expert girlfriend?” Luna finished her long tirade with an innocent smile, hoping and praying that his reaction was going to reasonable. 

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Laughter filled Jason and Iola’s bedroom as the two of them reminisced about their day together. Earlier they attempted to be adults and go grocery shopping since they had been eating takeout the whole week, but that was so boring, so they decided to turn it into a game. They both had a list of things to get and whoever got everything the fastest won. Jason was swearing up and down that he won, but Iola protested since he did forget to get the milk. “You’re such an idiot!” She giggled, hearts practically popping out of her eyes as she looked at him. Iola felt like she was the luckiest girl in the world. How did she get so lucky to find someone as amazing and fun as Jason? No matter where they were, he always managed to put a smile on her face from how silly he was. Jason honestly helped Iola to not take herself so seriously all the time. Their laughter died down, leaving the only noise in the room their TV. The silence was comfortable. It was warm which made Jason’s question catch her completely off guard. The question must’ve been festering in his mind for him to ask it at such a weird time. He had asked her why she got so jealous when moments like today proved that there was no one else. Shifting uncomfortably, Iola looked down at her hands to consider her answer. It was true that their silly times together only solidified their already strong bond, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit that her jealousy had nothing to do with that. Iola got so jealous because she was insecure. Yes, Iola had superficial confidence —she was fit, beautiful, and rich. What was there not to be confident about in that sense? Her insecurity stemmed from the fact that Jason was able to find someone to replace her with when she was unable to do the same. She was scared of losing one of the only people that hadn’t taken advantage of her. The thought of losing him again drove her insane. Iola knew it wasn’t healthy to think that way, so she was slowly but surely trying to change it. But Iola only recently began admitting this to herself, so she definitely wasn’t ready to admit this to Jason. The blonde looked to her boyfriend once again, throwing on an awkward smile. “I don’t know, babe, but I’ll work on it. Now enough of the serious talk and put on Netflix,” Iola laughed with a wink. She knew that her jealousy would become a topic again but after having such a great day, she just wanted to end it on a good note.

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Ever since they got back from Hawaii, it seemed like Arianna and Zayn had grown closer. During the event, they were paired up to be roommates, so they had a lot of time to realize they were very similar people. Arianna was even comfortable enough to tell him her secret about her dad. She couldn’t explain it, but she was so comfortable with him, and she had never experienced that before. “God, he’s such an idiot,” Ari laughed to herself as she was about to respond to him, but she was caught off guard when he appeared in her doorway. They had been texting all day. Why didn’t he mention that he was stopping by? She didn’t mind hanging out with Zayn because they were friends, but a heads up would’ve been nice since she was wearing the shortest shorts in her wardrobe. They might’ve slept together before, but he was definitely not allowed to see her ass anymore. Zayn seemed to have been completely ignoring the fact that she was half-dressed though, motioning for her to join him at the head of her bed. They picked up their conversation from earlier, but it suddenly took a turn when Zayn asked her about Cody. Arianna was still struggling with the fact that her boyfriend had gone and gotten someone else pregnant while they had been on a break. Her life seriously felt like the third season of Friends. She toyed with a loose string on her sweater as she thought about it. “I feel like a horrible girlfriend for not wanting to stick around, but I guess he should feel like a more horrible boyfriend for doing it in the first place. Even if we break up, there’s still going to be something that reminds me of what he did. I just don’t know what I’ve done in my life to make men treat me like such shit. You’re like the only one who hasn’t let me down so far.” Arianna tried to not sound so pathetic, but she failed miserably. She wished that Zayn hadn’t asked her such a personal question since she was still struggling to find the answer. Was she going to stay with Cody or not? Just thinking about it made her sigh deeply. Arianna cheered up, though, when Zayn interlocked their hands. It was probably inappropriate to hold hands with him since they did sleep together, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Instead, she rested her head on her friend’s shoulder as they talked through the night. 

⊰ v. what if ⊱

Arianna knew that Ashton was probably the better choice for her. He was sweet, kind, and romantic. He had never really hurt her the way that her husband had. And most importantly, he was always there to pick up the pieces when Zayn did hurt her. That had been the case tonight. She and Zayn got into a big argument about his drinking which led to her storming out and coming to Ashton. Ari knew that it sucked for Ashton to often see her this way knowing that he could, would, and did treat her better. The question of why she stayed in her marriage if she was unhappy so often was inevitable. Arianna didn’t really know how to answer it, though. She knew that she was an idiot for staying with Zayn through all of the things he had done to her — the cheating, the leaving, the constant bickering. She was sure everyone in America was wondering the same thing, but it was different coming from Ashton because there was an underlying question too. Why would she stay in an unhappy relationship when he was right there? Arianna laughed awkwardly, shrugging her shoulders because she wasn’t really sure of how to answer his question. “I mean, I can leave whenever I want. It’s not like anyone is holding a gun to my head to be with him, so I suppose I’m with him because I love him and I want to be with him.” Arianna’s tone came across as bitter and annoyed though she had no right to be either of those things. Her hair was sticking to her wet cheeks, her nose was stilling running from crying, and her clothes were a clear indicator that she left home in a rush. Ashton’s hand was on her back from comforting her while she cried. Ashton had every right to ask her that question. She stood up abruptly, gathering her things before heading to the door. “Thank you, Ash, so much for being there for me. I should probably head back home.” Arianna turned to the door, not bothering to give Ashton a proper goodbye because she was still annoyed. She felt a tinge of guilt for treating him that way, but she couldn’t help it. Why couldn’t he be with her without asking about her husband or her marriage? 

#prxttylittle #yEs i did write reverse for the second one for princess and moon but it was for a good cause #don't you love the little story going there tho all of their prompts are related #also she said in spanish if you thought what their dad did to you was bad wait until i'm done with you and not on my watch ur wELCOME #also wth do you call carts in ireland because i'm p sure you don't call them carts #not my best work but also not my best week #( meme reply. ) #⊰ v. no reason ⊱ #⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱ #⊰ v. what if ⊱ #⊰ july 17th ⊱

[ancientbrit]

Natter # 12  12/06/2020

Subject: Re: MI MG Natter # 12 12/25/20 - The Christmas edition

On Wed, Dec 9, 2020 at 11:28 PM Gordon Polson <

[email protected]

> wrote:

Today, (Sunday 12/06/20) -  I was reminded of the course we ran at Shoreline a couple of years ago on 'Latin for Gardeners'. If you didn't see it, the Seattle Times ran a great article on the selfsame topic in their "At home in the NW"  Sunday supplement and it too makes great reading. It rather simplifies the subject and makes it very digestible, which is probably why our class went down so well. If you have never given much thought to horticultural Latin you should check this article out, it is very refreshing and understandable.Let's face it, the use and understanding of it is vital to really knowing what you are growing, and if you have any intent to raise plants from cuttings or divisions to be sold at the Plant Sales, it is essential. With positive ID you will have access to correct soil treatments, pruning, if it is poisonous or fragrant, has spines or flowers and so on. The article was based on a new book entitled "The Gardeners Botanical: An encyclopedia of Latin Plant Names" written by Ross Blayton who comes via the University of Reading (UK), Kew Gardens (UK) and Heronswood. The writer of the article proposes that a little botanical Latin self-study might make better use of some of your gardening off-season hours than re-watching that TV series that you already watched umpteen times already. 'Sounds reasonable. The book costs $30 - $40 or so at Amazon and I have ordered my copy already locally. Our veggies have not done quite so well this year and the outlook is not exactly encouraging either. Jean has a double row of 3 foot high pots along our southern exposure. Well, not exactly an exposure anymore. When we first lived here, we were able to grow a mass of all different veggies, fruit and flowers. Then after a few years another couple built a house next door to the south and erected a close-together row of evergreen trees right on the property line. I complained at the time to the husband that they would grow to be too big and he agreed that he would top the trees when they had knitted together. I wasn't going to tell him that topping was a bad idea - I wanted the trees gone. Two years or so on, they divorced and now the trees are higher than our roof and totally block any sun from reaching the pots until high noon on the longest day of the year. They have also bushed out into our garden, further reducing usable space. In addition, my Banana grove has now reached around 12 trees which effectively blank the western end so that the setting sun, which used to help out, is now totally blocked and it looks like this will be the last year we will be able to grow there. I can and will reduce the bananas but that will only allow a minimal amount of light in, unfortunately. In addition to this, the borrowed raised beds in which I used to grow tomatoes, onions. leeks, lettuce etc, have now been removed as the house has been sold. Right now I am trying to find out if the PeaPatch program will still be operating in 2021 at Luther Burbank and if so, will there be any going spare, 'Not having a deal of luck just yet, but we shall see. Now with Christmas just around the corner, I get a bit maudlin and my thoughts tend to dwell on the past a lot. All the wonderful Christmasses we had during the war, which somehow seems a contradiction in terms. My Dad was one of eight children and my Mum one of four sisters and thus our Christmasses were crowded, exuberant, noisy and memorable. Uncles, Aunts and cousins wherever you looked and the food was to die for.      I frequently threw up! Christmas Eve was always lovely. Walter next door would always take his daughter Mary, my sister Joan and me to the Watch Night Service at St Dunstan's church in the village, right at the top of the hill. Just across the road is ' Whitehall' - a large wooden house from Henry VIII time and still standing and in use today, It always seemed to be freezing cold on these nights and the footpath would sparkle with frost and would ring as you walked on it. It was about a mile and a half to the church I suppose, but we talked constantly on the way and it seemed to take no time at all to get there. These sort of night walks were pure magic during this early part of the war when nothing much was happening, The Blackout was total. No streetlights, not a trace of a chink of light from houses or pubs and only the occasional glow from a bus or commercial vehicle driving slowly behind headlamps that were about 90% covered over. The night was like black velvet studded with millions of stars.  There were so many to be seen, all twinkling away, from horizon to horizon. The number of shooting stars were legion - they would pop into view every few seconds. As I said, it was a magical time. This was before my Dad joined the Navy in 1942 and was sent to India, never to be seen again until 1947. Before he left we would frequently visit his sister Jessie and family. They lived about 45 minutes away by 213 bus down by the Beverly Brook. Uncle Jimmy had a large aviary in his back garden which I loved and of course, there was always my cousin Janet, for whom I always had a crush. Our visits always seemed to last for ages, which meant that when we left it would usually be in darkness. Leaving their house we would walk about half a mile to the bus stop and catch the 213 again which would drop us near the end of our road about 45 minutes later. Halfway along our road there was an intersecting alleyway that sort of crossed the road. It provided rear access to people's gardens and was okay during the day - everything could be seen. But this was now, and now was as black as the ace of spades with nothing in either alleyway visible - just a deep black void. 

I was seven, my sister ten. The only illumination would be by small penlight torch, supplied by a #8 battery - which were always in short supply, so you rarely switched it on so as to save the juice - not that the light was ever more than a sort of sickly, flickering, yellow light! My Dad would take our hands, one on each side and as we walked down the road, with Mum trailing, he would start telling a made-up story that we loved, even though it terrified. And so, in a very low, slow and deep voice, he would start talking, timing the tale to culminate at the alleyway. "In a  dark,   dark  town, there was a   dark,   dark  road. And in that   dark,  dark  road there was a  dark,   dark   alley.  And in that  dark,  dark  alley - THERE WAS A GHOST! This last bit almost yelled loudly and quickly and we would both jump - every time. It was great! At the top of the hill in Cheam Village proper was St Dunstan's -  my church and was intimately connected with the school I attended from 8 till 11 years old. All the Saints days were kept and the whole school would walk to the church in a crocodile. It wasn't a very 'high' church but it was special to me at any rate - I love it still. It is totally built of stone and although old it is not the ancient sort of building to be found in many other places. St Dunstans itself has been serving the community for over 1000 years, although this current building has only been there since 1864. Turning left off the main Malden Road up to the Lych Gate, through the graveyard, and through the main heavy oaken doors, deeply studded with large, square-headed iron nails, you would catch that delicious scent of pine and cedar, overlaid with an occasional whiff of incense as you walked to your pew, surrounded by candles, hundreds of candles, to the low muttering of the organ, as people talked in hushed tones. I love the feeling that these churches propagate in me. I always feel that my voice has to be low, quiet and reverent, as the history all around soaks in by osmosis.  For this service, it always seemed warmer than on other occasions, although I doubt that it would have kept people away if it had been as cool as it normally seemed. The Reverend Dr Hayman, was our resident vicar -  a very softly spoken, nice man whose large Vicarage is built next to the Whitehall, which was on the corner of Anne Boleyn's Walk. He preached great sermons and on these special occasions, it was a delight to hear him. There was always a Creche a little behind the.lecturn with bunches of chrysanthemums and greenery spread about. The service was liberally sprinkled with hymns and carols which I loved. My friend Ken Coleman was in the choir and he always looked out of character wearing his choirboy's surplice with it's high white collar. He was never able to convince me that he was as angelic as he appeared!I loved to sing but I could never summon the courage to apply to the choir, but I did sing descant to many of the carols and hymns for my own pleasure. The service always seemed to be over almost before it had started and then it was back down the hill to home. Goodnight to Walter and Mary, a mug of cocoa and so to bed, making sure that stockings were appropriately hung at the mantelpiece.

   Four of my good friends were married at St Dunstan's, but Jean and I were married at St Lawrence's (built in 1636) as this was Jean's parish church in Morden, but somehow I always felt a bit cheated that I hadn't been married at St Dunstan's.

My sister and I always managed to wake early on Christmas morning, just to make sure that the stockings had been filled. The house would be quite cold at this time as there was no insulation - I don't think the technology existed at this level then. Some heating was provided by a coke-fired boiler in the kitchen which supplied domestic hot water via a hot water tank inside an airing cupboard in the bathroom above, making the bathroom a favorite place to start the day. To even the temperatures throughout the house meant lighting coal fires in the individual rooms each day so that the morning took a little time to reach comfort level. My Dad also had a great habit of preparing Sunday breakfast, frying tomatoes in pork or bacon fat in a tart pan on top of the boiler. They would simmer for ages and reduce to a jam-like consistency which was wonderful spread warm over bread and butter. The windows were all single glazed and a glass of water left overnight on the bedside table would be solid ice come the morning. It all had the benefit of making one move with alacrity first thing. There were no turkeys -  I don't think anybody had even heard of them, I certainly hadn't, but there would be a chicken, a leg of roast Pork with the skin still on, which had been slashed through in parallel strips, - which went crispy when roasted and were delicious (Crackling) Plus the usual and expected, brussels sprouts, roast parsnips, pork chipolatas (thinnish delicious pork sausages)  roast and mashed potatoes, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding and gravy. Dessert was a flaming Christmas Pudding served hot with custard or Brandy Butter and containing lucky silver threepenny bits, so you had to watch out for your teeth This was served around 1- 2 pm, following which the adults would collapse about the place after the dishes had been washed and put away and the children were expected to go for a walk in the park taking Jock, our dog.Taking an extended walk through Cheam Park and into Nonsuch Park we would return a bit muddy and Jock would be carrying his usual gift of a tree branch or quite frequently a lump or two of horse manure in his mouth! He was something of a gourmet! Coming through the door we would find everybody sitting around drinking tea or other brown liquids from glasses, the men smoking cigars whilst they reminisced about Christmasses past, with frequent and not understood (by us) references to past indiscretions - always good for a laugh from them. After a while, there would be a slightly uncomfortable movement towards getting tea ready, which meal was usually served around 7 pm. The table would be set with the usual stiff white linen table cloth on which were placed all manner of great dishes, almost all of which were served cold. There was cold, sliced pork and ham, celery sticks in a special crystal vase. This was a wonderful, slightly pink celery which would be eaten out of hand, dipping one end into a pile of salt on the edge on the plate and eaten with bread & butter. Unfortunately, this variety of celery seems to have disappeared ever since the easier to grow 'Pascal' green celery was introduced. I have never been able to find it in seed catalogues either here or back home, but the flavor was far superior to the self-blanching types extant. Under EU rules if you wanted to keep a variety growing you had to pay some exorbitant fee to the EU government and since the Pascal variety was easier to grow and thus cheaper to produce, this is the one that was sold and so it was too expensive to maintain the pink line I suppose and it is probably lost to cultivation now. So short sighted and sad - just one victim of hundreds. Then there were fruit jellies (Jello here) containing little bits of the appropriate fruit, blancmanges in strawberry and lemon flavors - all of these would be made in fancy-shaped jelly moulds and then turned out upside down on a plate and served from there. And trifle, always trifle!  There would also be a bowl of Libby's fruit salad, plus hot Mince pies, sausage rolls and maybe slices of cold Christmas Pud and finally  - 'The Cake'.This is a very traditional cake with minor variations served at Christmasses, Weddings and sometimes Christenings. It is based on a Dundee fruit cake which is NOT, I hasten to add, anything like the much-maligned, so-called fruit cakes I have seen here thank goodness. The ones that I have seen look like a pile of dried fruit, bound together somehow into a block, which then seems as if it was varnished all over to a high gloss. No wonder they have a foul reputation.

The Dundee top has a pattern of almonds on it and the whole outside is given a layer of marzipan, which is then coated in Royal Icing. It is superb.  Well made, it is capable of lasting in edible condition for years if stored correctly. At weddings, where there are tiered cakes, any that remains is cut into slices, packed in special little boxes and sent to those friends and relatives who were unable to make the event. My brother-in-law Denis  used to take prizes for this cake when he entered it in the local Summer fair. One tradition in eating this cake is to accompany it with slices of a strong, nutty cheese. it cuts the richness and seems to enhance the flavor the same way it does if eaten with apple pie! When once we get back to some semblance of normality, I will have to make one for our traditional 'Bun Fight.'  This isn't an empty threat  - I made my sister's wedding cake and it went over very well -  a real labor of love. Do not imagine for one moment that I will take NO for an answer either! Along with delicious food, there of course, have to be Christmas Crackers and these are handed around, pulled and their contents worn, laughed over or played with. All this largesse was obviously not a daily event. Rationing was severe and continued long after the war was over, right into 1952 and became even more severe than it had been during the war. Ration coupons had to be saved for months just for this one special event. The Christmas puds were made a couple of months in advance and the whole family was expected to take a stir of the mixture (very stiff) as you made a silent wish. To get a true Christmas Pudding takes an awful lot of fruit and other goodies. It also takes about eight hours of steaming in a china basin. After it has cooled, the cloth covering needs to be changed for a clean one and the whole thing stored until needed. When that time arrives, it then has yet another cloth tied over the top of the basin and it is steamed for another four or five hours and served hot as I mentioned. I think it is a wonderful thing to eat, hot or cold but I cannot persuade our daughter in law to even try it. I have to admit that it is very rich but the flavor and mouthfeel are superb. I should also mention that the recipe was formulated when people actually worked physically most days, even if it was just walking to and from shops or whatever - nobody owned a car except our local MD Dr Kerr and so you could work the extra pounds off without even knowing that you were doing so. Then of course comes Boxing Day, a wonderful and most sensible institution. Christmas Day is so hectic and filled with - food, that you really need another day to recover. When you consider that in the States, people travel hundreds of miles to get home for just the one day and then struggle back, frequently battling snow and lousy weather to return the following day, it is positively savage. Boxing Day is all about relaxing. You wake up late-ish - if you want. Have a leisurely breakfast, maybe read the paper, then get dressed and walk around to visit friends. You are invited in and partake of maybe a glass of wine, sherry, beer or just tea/coffee, along with a few comestibles to nibble on as you talk about whatever. After an hour or so, you move on to another favorite friend's house, or not and repeat the process. This can go on all day, or you can return home and be visited in turn. Frequently a long bracing walk is called for after the previous day's excesses and so you are gradually allowed to return to normal.Of course one of the joys of the aftermath of Christmas is that there is always lots remaining, leading to cold meat sandwiches, eggs and bread fried in pork or chicken fat - absolutely delicious, toasted bread spread with both of those fats including the dark jelly at the bottom of the bowl.  And one of my personal delights - 'stealing' strips of cold meat from the leavings.This all has to carry you through until Springtime as New Year isn't celebrated the way it is here.

As I reached my teens New Year was celebrated by my friends and me by trooping up to Trafalgar Square in London, but that is a tale for another time, so I will say goodnight for now. Your fearless leader. Gordon