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crisalidaseason · 2 years

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Exhumation

Hey! Guess who’s back again with evil! Armin brainrot? This is inspired by this post from @selarina . Thank you so much for allowing me to use your post as an inspiration to write this little story. I hope everyone enjoys it!

Warnings: mentions of death (su!c!d3), corpses (nothing too graphic), mentions about religion (praying, there’s a church in this). This can be a reader insert (gender neutral)

Summary: In a small town, the death of a young member of a rich family is looming over the town’s folk. In the evening, a shop owner encounters a very handsome blond man in need of help. Soon, the poor man realizes that he might have made a mistake and that he will be part of an unholy ceremony.

The shop owner locked the backdoor, turning off the lights as he made his way to the front door. Humming softly, he finished locking the place and prepared to walk home. The sky was brightly lit with the prettiest full moon, it felt peaceful to witness. The walk wasn’t long, and the path wasn’t scary since some pubs and stores were still open. It felt safe, ordinary even, to simply walk and enjoy the evening despite the sad news that still lingered in the small town.

“Excuse me, sir”

The shop owner turned. Behind him stood a young blond man, dressed in formal and tailored clothing that enhanced his proportionate frame.

“Yes?”

“I am a little lost, could you maybe help me find this address?”

“Oh, sure” he took the paper the blond man gave him. it’s rather close to home, he thought.

“You’re not that far, just go down the main street and turn left before the school building”

“Would you mind guiding me? If possible, of course, I don’t want to stray you from your path” The blond man said, giving a smile that made him look even more angelic.

“Of course” The shop owner said “if you don’t mind me asking, were you at the funeral?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Sad story, huh? Were you close to them?” the shop owner asked.

“Not really, I’m working as an assistant with the family lawyer, my mentor sent me here to aid the family since he won’t arrive on time” The blond man said

“I can’t imagine that family’s pain. They were so young and seemed so well and suddenly chose to die” said the shop owner, remembering the odd news.

“Sometimes people fight their demons alone and we don’t notice until something like that happens”

“True, my friend” the shop owner stopped at the corner “Here. Just turn and you’ll see a group of houses, one of them might be the one you’re looking for”

“Thank you, sir!”

“Stay safe, friend!”

The shop owner watched as the blond man walked. I forgot to ask his name, ops.

The rest of the walk home was fast, and soon enough the man was getting ready for bed. He prayed for the grieving family and the soul of their dead member. When his head finally hit the pillow and the slumber started to take him, a weird sound echoed through the house. The shop owner paid attention, not moving, trying to identify the sound.

It’s probably the cats.

The man, just for good measure, got up and decided to lock the bedroom’s door. Silently, he stood there, by the door, trying to catch the sound again. Something that didn’t sound like cats echoed again. He couldn’t really identify what it was, but it seemed like a deliberate clicking sound, almost like nails slowly tapping on wood. Then, something that sounded like breathing came from the other side of the door.

He was not going to investigate. Oh no! He was not that kind of person. The shop owner grabbed his shoes from the side of the bed and opened the closet door, trying to find a coat in the dark, too afraid to turn on the lights and draw attention. Silently, he put the coat on and tried to open the bedroom window slowly, but something violently pulled him back.

He fell on the floor and saw a figure above him. It was too dark to see any features besides the reflecting eyes, almost like an animal’s, but the soft laughing the stranger let out was familiar enough to scare the man.

“You’re a little smarter than the others, that’s fun” the figure said.

The man tried to get up, but a foot on his chest kept him from doing it.

“No! You only move when I allow you to” said the figure, while firmly pressing the man down.

“Who are you?” the shop owner asked.

“How rude of me to not introduce myself! My name is Armin Arlert, sir”

“Please, if you want to rob me, I won’t stop you. Just don’t hurt me or my cats, take whatever you need”

“How disappointing” Armin said “I like when they fight back”

Armin lifted his foot and helped the man get up by the collar of his nightshirt. The shop owner was a little scared, Armin seemed to lift him too easily for someone so slim.

“Listen, friend” Armin said, face really close to the man’s “I will let you go, but you better run”

The shop owner nodded and as soon as he felt Armin’s grip loosen, he ran away from the room as fast as he could. He didn’t dare to look behind him but steps could be heard and the soft laughing wouldn’t stop.

“Leave me alone!” the desperate man yelled.

He suddenly collided with something. No. Someone. Armin was right in front of him, holding him by the arms.

“I thought I said to run away, friend”

With the street lights from outside, the shop owner could see the stranger’s face enough to see the menacing smile he had and the weird glowing eyes. The shop owner was terrified, he had heard of them, the walking corpses that earth itself exhumed.

“Run” Armin said, with a murderous stare.

And the man did. He left the house and ran. His lungs were burning while he screamed for help, trying to reach his neighbor's house and begging for his God to save him from the evil spirit. He cursed the grieving family, it was all their fault.

Please let me live, my lord!

He banged on the door, screaming for the people to let him inside. But nobody came to his aid, not even a single light was lit.

“It’s useless” the voice said behind him “they won’t hear you”

The shop owner didn’t bother looking at Armin, he ran through the porch, into the backyard, trying not to trip.

The church. He had to reach the church, that would save him somehow, right? It wasn't far, and he surely would get the priest's attention or something to ward the evil spirit off. Upon reaching the cristian building, he easily opened the door and locked it as soon as he got in, immediatly hiding behind the altar, not even noticing how weird it was to find the church unlocked.

My lord, protect me from evil. You know I am not at fault, I do not deserve to pay for that family's mistakes. PLEASE, let me live.

Unfortunately, the front door slowly opened, making an eerie sound. Calm steps could be heard on the church's floor, getting closer and closer to the altar, until it stopped.

“Please, I know why you’re here. I have nothing to do with that family, I promise!” the man cried.

“Oh, I know that, but I want you” Armin said, in a sweet voice that almost made the shop owner puke.

“Please spare me, I am just a seller, spare me!”

A large crash and Armin was on top of the altar, looking down on the man hiding behind it. He was almost ethereal standing under the sacred roof, as if he wasn't a little devil himself. The blond man smiled and crouched slowly.

“A church” he said, the eyes glowing dangerously “as if your stupid faith could save you from me”

_____________________

Armin was waiting patiently. It could take a few hours, even days until it happened. He had time.

Time. He didn’t even understand the concept anymore. He could say that the passing of decades and centuries eventually tires you out, not even bothering to count anymore. But Armin counted them all. Every single day, of every single year, inside every decade, building every century. He knew how long it had been since his revival and he planned to keep counting infinitely. He enjoyed living like this far too much, and now, with company, he would enjoy it way more.

A whimper interrupted Armin’s thoughts. He looked down at a set of scared eyes, and smiled beautifully. Turning his attention back to the full moon, he spoke:

“Such a wonderful lit sky, hm? Also, I’ve never seen such a beautiful graveyard”

The whimpers slowly turned into sobbing. The poor shop owner had given up on praying, especially now that he knew there was no saving him besides death.

“When it happened to me the night was dark. I wasn’t even in a proper grave, or a proper burial ground. Everything was wrong, you know?”

Armin sighed and bent down, fixing the cloth around the man’s hands and mouth. He looked at Armin, trying to understand why he wasn’t drained of his blood yet.

“Don’t be afraid” his voice was like honey, overly sweet actually. Like a predator playing good “If you behave, it will be quick. Although the younger ones like when the food is squirming”

The shop owner was still crying. How stupid they can be, Armin thought. Sometimes hunting them was boring with how easy they could trust a pretty face and sweet voice. The poor man seemed nice, but Armin didn’t care about who was nice or bad anymore, he just wanted one thing, no matter what.

Another sound distracted both of them.

Armin got closer to the grave, the noises already spreading through the cold earth. Any moment now.

“Oh, you hear that?” Armin almost laughed out loud “They’re almost here, it shouldn’t be long now, shall we prepare you?”

Armin didn’t care for an answer. He picked the man up and tied him to another tombstone right next to the one that was making noises.

“This is going to be a little messy, my friend” Armin said, while adjusting his clothes “Try not to move much, hm?”

The man cried, and cried. Nothing new to Armin, they always cried around him. He drew out his small blade, making a small cut on the shop owner’s cheek.

“Your blood smells good, you’re a very healthy man. I chose well this time. Resurrection is so tiring, my friend, I could only wish somebody had given me such a good meal when I dragged myself out of that hole I was buried in”

Armin turned back and sat right next to the grave, watching as the sounds increased. Patiently waiting for the hand he would hold and pull out of the dirty ground. Oh, how Armin waited for this moment. To finally have his object of desire and obsession fully for himself. It took a little planning on his part, but it worked perfectly. It didn’t take much to convince a young, pretty and repressed person from a rich family to join him in this life. Armin always wanted to create one of them, to experience devotion for all eternity.

“They are violent down there” Armin spoke, looking straight into the terrified man’s eyes.

Both Armin and the man could hear the cracking of wood and rummaging of dirt under that grave. It got louder and louder, closer to the surface. Armin looked down at the earth with fascination. He never saw another vampire being born from this point of view. Going through it is painful, but seeing it must be beautiful, he thought.

Finally, the last layer of earth moved and a very dirty hand started emerging from it. Armin got on his knees and slowly aided the frantic hand. Slowly, a hand turned into an arm, torso, head and legs. As if breathing for the first time, the walking corpse gasped for air, falling into Armin’s arms. The blond man held them up and moved the dirt out of their face, smiling at them.

“Welcome, my love. Took you long enough to rise”

The dirty figure looked at him, with a confused expression that rapidly turned pained. They lost their balance, relying on Armin to keep them standing.

“Shh” Armin kissed their forehead “I know, I know. It will pass, the pain will pass”

Armin slowly turned the corpse around, facing them to the shop owner. The cries that never stopped turned into muffled screams and desperate attempts to loosen the ties around his wrists and ankles. The view was horrendous. A dirty face, with dirty clothes. The scariest part were the eyes, bloody and wide, glowing just like Armin’s did. The corpse quickly locked eyes with the man and started desperately trying to reach him, the blood from his cut tempting their thirst.

“As I said, my friend, try not to move much” Armin now looked at the shop owner.

With that, he released the corpse. The victim’s muffled screams didn’t even last for 10 seconds before all life vanished from his unfortunate body. It didn’t take long for all the blood to be drained and soon, the reanimated corpse fell to the ground, panting and grunting in pain. Armin got closer and embraced them.

Was I just as desperate? Armin tried to remember his own experience, but it was all a blurry pain.

It hurt to see his pretty lover suffer like this, hurt even more knowing that Armin couldn't find a less painful way. But soon enough the blood and vitality of more people would give them strength and uncloud the mind. Only then, both could finally enjoy eternity together. Luckly, there were a lot of people in the town, maybe Armin could hunt for more healthy people until his lover felt strong enough to travel.

“I’ll feed you more soon enough. For now you better rest, my love”

He picked them up and slowly walked into the woods to hide them. Humming an old lullaby and planning how to lure the next prey in.

#oh this was so fun to write #yall im obsessed with folcloric entities #maybe because I am a weird historian but nvm #armin arlert #armin fanfiction #armin headcannons #armin x reader #I guess you could insert yourself in this #aot x reader #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki

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still-awkward · 2 years

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Tw: mentions of gun violence, death, and small mentions of fire/burning

I just watched a documentary with my Mom about a massacre that took place at a McDonalds back in the 1980s.

Warning: if you watch any of the documentaries there might be pictures or videos of dead bodies of different ages uncensored.

At first when I saw the bodies on the screen I thought my Mom was watching a documentary about the "happy land club fire" that took place in the Bronx years ago.

Quick explanation about that, the fucking dumbass that started the fire did it because he wanted to kill his former girlfriend over a fight they had. The girlfriend ended up being 1 of the 6 survivors in what was known as the largest mass murder in US history at that time.

She then asked me if I remembered when McDonalds had outdoor playgrounds while gesturing toward the TV, since I'm still thinking it's about a fire at a nightclub I'm confused by that question but still tell her that I do remember.

She tells me that she's watching a documentary about this guy who went to a McDonalds and opened fire on everyone inside and around the restaurant.

She said that he was shooting everyone even if they tried to play dead, he'd walk around the restaurant and shoot them again just to make sure they were dead.

He did this for 77 minutes.

The victims were between the ages of 8 months old to 74 years old.

He had over an hour, nearly an hour and a half, to just open fire on everyone in there and anyone around the area before a sniper took him out.

He had called a mental health hotline a day before he did this, they told him to leave his contact info and they'd try to call him back in a few hours. He sat there waiting for the call for a few hours. The person who took his call spelt his name wrong, but not only that apparently they didn't take him seriously when he said he needed help, because he didn't sound urgent enough, so they didn't call him back like they told him they would.

He told his wife that day that "society had it's chance" and that he was going "hunting for humans" and he wasn't coming back.

Since some of the footage in the documentary was from the 80s most of it wasn't censored, I don't think any of it was censored, and I only found that out when I first came into the living room and they showed the bodies of the victims he killed still where they had been when they were killed.

And the wife of the shooter sued McDonalds two years later...

The fucking shooter's wife!

She sued McDonalds on the 2 year anniversary of the shooting saying the burgers helped spark the violent outburst!

First of all, ??? And second of all, she knew her husband had mental related issues!

But your blaming a McDonalds burger??!

Thankfully she lost. I might've lost my shit if she won that case and was rewarded 5 million dollars.

I had to step out a few times because I couldn't stop crying, I still feel at any moment I might start crying again and this was almost 3 hours ago.

Just hearing one of the people who was a child at the time talk about how he would get premonitions about his little brother dying and how he'd sleep beside him in his bed in fear of him dying one day even though his little brother would wake up next to him confused by his older brother sleeping next to him that fucking got me.

The entire situation was so upsetting and I don't know what the shooter's wife was thinking trying to sue on the anniversary of the incident just two years after, if she was going to sue anyone for what happened she should've sued the mental health hotline, it would've made more sense than trying to sue McDonalds.

#tw gun violence #tw mention of death #tw mental illness

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relax-and-read-on · 2 years

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My belive in the God of backpain gave me another idea. Which Character would the Primarchs be in a typical horror movie? So, the one who dies first, the one who survives through luck, one who is kinda smart but gets killed off in a dumb way and so on...

Oh anon, the god of backpain blessed you

Because

I fucking

Love

horror movies :D

If the primarch were stuck in a horror movies, wich troopy character would they be!!

Lion: The Cop. The one that show up and is sus of the main cast. Does not help at all. Depending of the type and era, might even be an antagonist.

Leman: The Jock. You know!! The funny type of stupid frat bro!! Usually get killed first, or at least very quickly. Not mean, just annoying.

Roboute: The Scholar. Mostly show up in paranormal movies. He will info dump the plot on the main cast, and will do his best to help. Usually die a very courageous self sacrifice.

Rogal: The Skeptic. The one that walk in and goes "everything is fine, ofc ghost/monsters don't exist!" Usually get murdered in a rather karmic fashion.

Corvus: The Final Girl. And I'm talking classic ones, that end the movie traumatised, covered in mud and gore and screaming their heads off as they fight the Big Bad. Yes, they get all the PTSD, but fuck are they cool.

Vulkan: The Puppy. There is sometime in horror movies one very sweet character, usually the audience fav. We root for them. We want them to survive. And yet... They usually get the horrific, needlessly cruel kill. The longer they survive, the worst their demise is.

Sanguinius; The Action Girl. The more modern version of the Final girl. They take back their agency, fight back from the start and WILL not go down gently. They don't always survive tho.

Jaghatai: The Local. Depending of the movie, they might be anything from the main antagonist, to a lore dumper, to a positive help. Always look somehow super hick and cliché. Potentially racist stereotype are happening too.

Ferrus: The Token Minority. He might be black, asian, latino, native... One sure is certain, he's not surviving this movie. Usually get a very early kill, sometime in duo with The Slut.

Fulgrim: The Slut (tm). Get killed very early one. Count double when it's a queer slut. They never get their happy ending and that's Not Fair. Be warned of homophobia and slut shaming when they are present.

Alpharius Omegon: The Creepy Twins. Talk in sync, usually have very little relevance to the plot, will just be there to freak you out.

Horus: The Secret Killer: He's one of the main cast. Charismatic and charming, you still do feel like something is slightly... *Off* about them. Usually get the twist ending of being the serial killer, and you more or less saw it comming

Mortarion: The Quiet Kid. Usually a red hearing if its a serial killer type of deal. Everyone will accuse them of being behind the crimes because of their Quiet and Broody way, while they did nothing wrong. Often survive! And if they play their card right, may end up with the final girl.

Angron: The Past Survivor. This one is usually a more modern archetype. They are the one that got away from the hands of the monster, and who are now dedicating their life fighting it. Very short lifespan usually.

Magnus: The Nerd. In more modern movies, the nerd sometime survive! They still usually make it very far, as their Nerd Knowledge is essential to the plot. Get often very kicked down by the narrative.

Perturabo: The Asshole. He's a "friend" of main cast and you have no clue why. He usually is there to get a very violent, often ironic death, that the audience can cheer on.

Lorgar: The Priest. You know the ones. Those that show up and are JUST a tad off. Definitely in a satanic themed movie. It's 50/50 if they are actually evil, but he will have a very graphic death.

.... And Konrad: The Monster. You know it was coming. You knew what he was. He's every insanely powerful villain. Every slasher antagonist. Every demonic entity. He's powerful and terrifying and impossible to stop, a literal slow march of death. If he's coming for you, there is nothing to be done. The quite literal boogeyman nightmares are made off.

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oyasuminto · 3 years

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I'm sorry I'm sending a lot of asks (kinda also holidays ones too), but you think Strade and Ren celebrate Halloween?

While Strade is violent and half the things he does is already horror, he does let Ren have some chill time with anime and nice shampoos and stuff, so maybe they'd celebrate it. though that might be another excuse for Strade to have more novel ways of being horrible, whether that be from snuff films or being violent. I don't know if Strade would have have trick or treaters though, since he might not wanna look more sus than he already does. Idk if giving kids candy would make him look more or less sus, but maybe he would like to scare them in chill ways that are nothing like he actually is.

Though maybe after Strade got yeeted did Ren maybe celebrate Halloween and got into costumes and stuff, since he would being safe while doing so.

Side note: Lawrence really be watching as everyone starts acting like decay is cool all of a sudden as if that's not the thing he's dealing with on a daily basis. May Lawrence take advantage of this spooky season- maybe? Though some teens do like going exploring in sus places like forests and maybe graveyards where he would be around so that might be a drawback. Since he lives in an apartment he's less likely to have kids stopping by his door, so that would be a win for him.

Anyway I'm sorry for the long asks, I hope you have a lovely day! ⁦(｡ŏ﹏ŏ)⁩

Strade always celebrates Halloween, gotta keep up the friendly suburban neighbor shtick! Besides, it's fun getting to cut loose and let his mask slip a little. Everyone compliments his spooky decorations, with some even joking about how realistic some of the props are. Strade isn't stupid enough to actually use parts of his victims, but he does use them for inspiration. Nothing that can't be plausibly denied as coincidence.

It's also the perfect time to find new victims!

People just love wandering the streets drunk on Halloween, some of them are so far gone they don't even bother putting up a fight when he drags them to his car.

So many of them think it's just a prank being taken a little too far, it makes their dawning shock and horror when Strade pulls out a very real knife all the more entertaining.

After Strade is gone, Ren is free to enjoy Halloween however he pleases. This usually involves using his youthful looks to get candy out of people, often also garnering comments for his realistic fox-boy costume.

Halloween nights often end with Ren curled up on the couch with his haul, watching some of Strade's old tapes for nostalgia's sake

If Ren happens to have a captive, he will absolutely dress them up in a variety of skimpy cosplays he ordered online. He'll be the only one seeing them, but Ren still wants them to look their best.

Lawrence prefers the aftermath of Halloween more than the night itself. He can't even go out at night because the streets are crowded with costumed people, many of whom are deeply intoxicated and on the search for mischief.

The one thing he looks forward to is the ensuing decay; the scent of rotting pumpkin that fills the air, and the sight of scavenging insects overtaking the once-grinning piles of mush.

It melds perfectly with the dead and dying leaves crunching beneath his shoes, reminding him of that one universal truth; everything and everyone dies.

#Boyfriend to Death #Lawrence Oleander #Ren Hana #Strade #Headcanons

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books-letstalkaboutem · 3 years

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The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue Quotes that I Loved

This is just a list of quotes or excerpts that I highlighted while reading the book- literally all of them and there are a lot. I’m going to go ahead and say spoilers below just because there are so many quotes and while I don’t think the quotes actually spoil anything, I don’t want to accidentally spoil something for someone.

Some of the quotes might seem a little weird out of context but these are quotes that hit close to home, made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!", quotes that made me laugh, and then basically all of the other quotes that I loved while reading.

I know that I didn't completely fall in love with this book like so many other people did, but it was still so beautifully written and there were so many amazing quotes in this book.

And just a heads up, I read this on my kindle, just in case the page numbers I list don’t match with your copy of the book.

Spoilers Below:

Quotes that Hit Close to Home

“Three and twenty, a third of a life already buried.” Page 39

“The day passes like a sentence. The sun falls like a scythe.” Page 41

“[...] and when she dies it will be as though she never lived.” Page 42

“I am so tired of not having choices, so scared of the years rushing past beneath my feet. I do not want to die as I’ve lived, which is no life at all. I—” Page 46

“[...] she swears sometimes her memory runs forward as well as back, unspooling to show the roads she’ll never get to travel. But that way lies madness, and she has learned not to follow.” Page 61

“His parents meant well, of course, but they always told him things like Cheer up, or It will get better, or worse, It’s not that bad, which is easy to say when you’ve never had a day of rain.” Page 97

“But then a night would go long, and a day would start late, and now he feels like there’s no time at all. Like he is always late for something.” Page 119

““I see someone who cares,” she says slowly. “Perhaps too much. Who feels too much. I see someone lost, and hungry. The kind of person who feels like they’re wasting away in a world full of food, because they can’t decide what they want.”” Page 140

““Life is so brief, and every night in Rennes I’d go to bed, and lie awake, and think, there is another day behind me, and who knows how few ahead.”” Page 167

““I mean feeling like it’s surging by so fast, and you try to reach out and grab it, you try to hold on, but it just keeps rushing away. And every second, there’s a little less time, and a little less air, and sometimes when I’m sitting still, I start to think about it, and when I think about it, I can’t breathe. I have to get up. I have to move.”” Page 177

““Small places make for small lives. And some people are fine with that. They like knowing where to put their feet. But if you only walk in other people’s steps, you cannot make your own way. You cannot leave a mark.”” Page 179

“It was such a lovely jar she had kept them in. But the glass is cracking now. The water leaking through.” Page 215

“Moments of joy register as brief, but ecstatic. Moments of pain stretch long and unbearably loud.” Page 225

“[...] you’ve never felt called to any one thing. There is no violent push in one direction, but a softer nudge a hundred different ways, and now all of them feel out of reach. Page 226

“[...] in wanting to live, to learn, to find yourself, you’ve gotten lost.” Page 226

“He lets it ring, holds his breath until it stops. He tells himself that if they call again, he’ll answer. If they call again, he’ll tell them he is not okay. But the phone doesn’t ring a second time.” Page 229

“He misses the structure, misses the path, misses the purpose. And maybe it wasn’t a perfect fit, but nothing is.” Page 257

“That he’d blinked and somehow years had gone by, and everyone else had carved their trenches, paved their paths, and he was still standing in a field, uncertain where to dig.” Page 283

“And those first two years, he was happy. He had Bea, and Robbie, and all he had to do was learn. Build a foundation. It was the house, the one that he was supposed to build on top of that smooth surface, that was the problem. It was just so … permanent.” 283

“Choosing a class became choosing a discipline, and choosing a discipline became choosing a career, and choosing a career became choosing a life, and how was anyone supposed to do that, when you only had one?” Page 283

““The vexing thing about time,” he says, “is that it’s never enough. Perhaps a decade too short, perhaps a moment. But a life always ends too soon.”” Page 333

“He is all restless energy, and urgent need, and there isn’t enough time, and he knows of course that there will never be. That time always ends a second before you’re ready. That life is the minutes you want minus one.” Page 421

“The world is wide, and he’s seen so little of it with his own eyes. He wants to travel, to take photos, listen to other people’s stories, maybe make some of his own. After all, life seems very long sometimes, but he knows it will go so fast, and he doesn’t want to miss a moment.” Page 438

Quotes that Made Me Laugh

“Henry loves his sister, he does. But Muriel’s always been like strong perfume. Better in small doses. And at a distance.” Page 120

““Sorry, Book,” she mutters, lifting the cat gingerly onto the back of the old chair, where he does his best impression of an inconvenienced bread loaf.” Page 248

““It’s Halloween!” defends Robbie. “It’s the twenty-third,” says Henry, but Robbie treats holidays the way he treats birthdays, stretching them from days into weeks, and sometimes into seasons.” Page 274

Quotes that made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!”

“If she must grow roots, she would rather be left to flourish wild instead of pruned, would rather stand alone, allowed to grow beneath the open sky. Better that than firewood, cut down just to burn in someone else’s hearth.” Page 31

“[...]from this moment forward, her life will be her own.” Page 48

“There is a defiance in being a dreamer.” Page 117

““It has only been two years,” she says. “Think of all the time I have, and all the things I’ll see.”” Page 132

“It will take time, but time is the one thing Addie has plenty of. So she opens her eyes, and starts again.” Page 192

“But then Addie straightens, lifts her chin, smiles with an almost defiant kind of joy. “But isn’t it wonderful,” she says, “to be an idea?”” Page 261

Quotes that I Love

“[...] never pray to the gods that answer after dark.” Page 7

“What is a person, if not the marks they leave behind?” Page 15

“The things that last, even when memories don’t.” Page 16

“As if you couldn’t like one place and want to see another.” Page 23

“Books, she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives—or to find strength in a very long one.” Page 35

“The kind of place where time slips and blurs, where a month, a year, a life can go missing.” Page 39

“[...] attraction can look an awful lot like recognition in the wrong light.” Page 56

“The rise isn’t worth the fall.” Page 56

“Being trapped, buried alive, these are the things that scare you when you cannot die.” Page 57

“Funny, how some people take an age to warm, and others simply walk into every room as if it’s home.” Page 58

“Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu. Already seen. Already known. Already lived.” Page 66

“[...]a lifetime of knowing brushed away like a tear.” Page 73

“[...] and it is sad, of course, to forget. But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten. To remember when no one else does.” Page 77

“[...] ideas are so much wilder than memories, that they long and look for ways of taking root.” Page 77

““These days, everyone’s looking down,” muses Sam. “It’s nice to see someone looking up.”” Page 101

“Being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. You begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. After all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?” Page 103

“If a person cannot leave a mark, do they exist?” Page 103

“Dreamer is too soft a word. It conjures thoughts of silken sleep, of lazy days in fields of tall grass, of charcoal smudges on soft parchment.” Page 11

“She considers the cut of their clothes, the absence of bone stays or bustled skirts, and thinks, not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, how much simpler it would be to be a man, how easily they move through the world, and at such little cost.” Page 129

““I remember you.”” Page 135

“The darkness claimed he’d given her freedom, but really, there is no such thing for a woman, not in a world where they are bound up inside their clothes, and sealed inside their homes, a world where only men are given leave to roam.” Page 163

“She watches these men and wonders anew at how open the world is to them, how easy the thresholds.” Page 165

““I think there are many ways to matter.”” Page 179

“But ideas are so much wilder than memories, so much faster to take root.”” Page 210

“He is full of roots, while she has only branches.” Page 212

“Easy to stay on the path when the road is straight and the steps are numbered.” Page 229

“Outside the window, the day just carries on as if nothing’s changed, but it feels like everything has, because Addie LaRue is immortal, and Henry Strauss is damned.” Page 235

“[...]I didn’t want to live forever. I just wanted to live.”” Page 236

““There’s this family photo,” he says, “not the one in the hall, this other one, from back when I was six or seven. That day was awful. Muriel put gum in David’s book and I had a cold, and my parents were fighting right up until the flash went off. And in the photo, we all look so … happy. I remember seeing that picture and realizing that photographs weren’t real. There’s no context, just the illusion that you’re showing a snapshot of a life, but life isn’t snapshots, it’s fluid. So photos are like fictions. I loved that about them. Everyone thinks photography is truth, but it’s just a very convincing lie.”” Page 239

“God, it feels good to be wanted.” Page 256

“[...] And ideas are wilder than memories. They’re like weeds, always finding their way up.”” Page 261

“Homesick—Henry knows that one is supposed to mean sick for home, not from it, but it still feels right.” Page 262

“Dressing up, he thinks, is just like watching cartoons, something you enjoyed as a kid, before it passes through the no man’s land of teen angst, the ironic age of early twenties. And then somehow, miraculously, it crosses back into the realm of the genuine, the nostalgic. A place reserved for wonder.” Page 274

“Bea always says returning to campus is like coming home. But it doesn’t feel that way to Henry. Then again, he never felt at home at home, only a vague sense of dread, the eggshell-laden walk of someone constantly in danger of disappointing.” 282

“He doesn’t know what he believes, hasn’t for a long time, but it’s hard to entirely discount the presence of a higher power when he recently sold his soul to a lower one.” Page 284

““You can’t make people love you, Hen. If it’s not a choice, it isn’t real.”” Page 290

“He has asked the wrong god for the wrong thing, and now he is enough because he is nothing. He is perfect, because he isn’t there.” Page 290

“A life reduced to a block of stone, a patch of grass.” Page 299

“The present folding on top of the past instead of erasing it, replacing it.” Page 306

“She knows the paint will fade, rinsed off by a puddle, or simply wiped away by time, but that’s how memories are supposed to work. There—and then, little by little, gone.” Page 307

“Without the bells, the organ, the bodies crowding in for services, the church feels abandoned. Less a house of worship and more a tomb.” Page 311

“God is so large, why build walls to hold Him in?” Page 311

“Once you know about a thing, you start to see it everywhere. Someone says the words purple elephant, and all of a sudden, you catch sight of them in shop windows and on T-shirts, stuffed animals and billboards, and you wonder how you never noticed.” Page 314

“There is a freedom, after all, in being forgotten.” 325

“Memories are stiff, but thoughts are freer things. They throw out roots, they spread and tangle, and come untethered from their source. They are clever, and stubborn, and perhaps—perhaps—they are in reach.” Page 327

“They’ve been lucky, so lucky, but the trouble with luck is that it always ends.” 329

““You said it yourself, Luc. Ideas are wilder than memories. And I can be wild. I can be stubborn as the weeds, and you will not root me out. And I think you are glad of it. I think that’s why you’ve come, because you are lonely, too.”” Page 332

“She closes her eyes, reminds herself there are many ways to leave a mark, reminds herself that pictures lie.” Page 337

“She may not feel the years weakening her bones, her body going brittle with age, but the weariness is a physical thing, like rot, inside her soul. There are days when she mourns the prospect of another year, another decade, another century. There are nights when she cannot sleep, moments when she lies awake and dreams of dying. But then she wakes, and sees the pink and orange dawn against the clouds, or hears the lament of a lone fiddle, the music and the melody, and remembers there is such beauty in the world. And she does not want to miss it— any of it.” Page 342

“Luc’s smile darkens. “Because time is cruel to all, and crueler still to artists. Because vision weakens, and voices wither, and talent fades.” He leans close, twists a lock of her hair around one finger. “Because happiness is brief, and history is lasting, and in the end,” he says, “everyone wants to be remembered.”” Page 351

“It is a sign, when even gods and devils dread a fight.” Page 367

“And this, he decides, is what a good-bye should be. Not a period, but an ellipsis, a statement trailing off, until someone is there to pick it up. It is a door left open. It is drifting off to sleep.” Page 419

#the invisible life of addie larue quotes #the invisible life of addie larue #the invisible life of addie larue by ve schwab #ve schwab #quotes #my favorite quotes #addie larue #henry strauss #luc #bookish quotes

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bunni-teeth81 · 3 years

Text

Slender bros rewritten by me

Cause I want character development

(This is mostly Offender, trender, and Splendor. Also if you like Slendey/slender dad you might not wanna read this cause I do not make him a good guy in the slightest)

Possible tw for mention sexual assault, pedolophilia, necrophilia, and zoophilia!

To start off, Offender is not a rapist, he isn’t a pedo, and he doesn’t fuck animals

He doesn’t do anything without consent, plain and simple. Him being all those things was a rumor started by someone he fucked in the past who got caught cheating. They said Offender forced them and the rumors have escalated since with his legend.

He actively avoids children cause he doesn’t like them. So he literally couldn’t be a pedo.

He doesn’t hate kids, he just prefers to not be around them.

He won’t fuck someone with kids unless the kids are out of the house and somewhere safe.

He’s wary about fucking 18 and 19 year olds and usually doesn’t

Occasionally if he sees a kid sad while he’s on a walk or whatever he’ll give them some daisies or something. Though they kinda just appear near the kid. He doesn’t actually go near them.

Though he will fuck old people. He has no problem with that. But he will go gentler cause they’re frail

He likes animals, but not like that. Like.. ew

He has a kind of respect for the dead, even people he’s killed to eat, so he’d never do that. Also it goes back to the consent thing. They can’t consent so he ain’t gonna fuck them.

He’s pansexual.

He’s very kinky, obviously. He’s willing to do pretty much anything in bed

He prefers to top but he has no problem being pegged-

Has tried every drug there is.

Usually just sticks to weed, alcohol, crack, shrooms, and the occasional LSD

Bath salts fucked him up majorly and he will never do them again.

He works for trender, who has a whole ass company (will be touched on later)

He helps trender make clothes for more alt styles (punk, grunge, goth, emo, all that good stuff) and he helps with lingerie (masc and fem. trender makes both. Offender tests it out and gives feedback on what could be added or changed)

He also finds models for Trender (there’s really no qualifications to be a model, you kinda just have to want to be one. Trender, his assistants, and other models will help fill new models in. And they never have to wear something they don’t want or pose a way that makes them uncomfortable. also theres do discrimination when it comes to models, any one of any race, body type, gender (or lack there of), sexuality, and age to an extent (depending on the clothes being modeled and (if parent permission is needed if they get it)) are welcome)

He also does side jobs like art (he does realistic art) plays piano or violin for songs, every so often he’ll join a strip club. Definitely has an OF.

He learned piano from his dad. Their dad made them all learn piano. His dad was very against him learning violin but his mother let him learn it (she knew how to play)

Their parents kept them pretty reserved from the rest of the world (particularly humans) for safety reasons. The brothers didn’t find out they were the only ones of their kind till they were like teens and went hunting for the first time.

Their parents suddenly disappeared when they were teens. They still haven’t found them and have no idea what happened to them.

Zalgo killed them cause the dad was constantly fighting him, so was the mom but less so.

There were originally 5 brothers, but one got murdered (It was Tenderman. Who wouldve been the oldest, then slender, offender and trender are twins, then splendor)

They don’t know how tender was murdered. All they know is they can be murdered. They still haven’t figured out how tho.

They do know that they can regenerate any part of their body (teeth and nails grow back almost instantly, limbs take longer, they can just put their head where it should be and the bone, muscle, skin, tissue and all that will pull back together, skin can either regenerate in about an hour or two or a couple days depending on the size of the wound. Their organs can regenerate but it takes like a month.)

Drugs don’t effect them the same way they do us. Our massive hangovers that put us out of commission is what happens after they do LSD. A regular hangover for us is what happens when they do coke or a drink shit ton of alcohol.

Offender has the highest tolerance, then it’s trender, splendor, and Slender has the lowest cause he hasn’t done drugs.

Splendor has tried them but doesn’t like doing them. He doesn’t drink much either.

Trender will do them every so often, usually with Offender. He either drinks or smokes a blunt usually. Shrooms are for special occasions, and LSD gives him major anxiety so he doesn’t do it.

Trender and Offender were the only ones to try bath salts. They don’t know what happened. Splendor says they disappeared for a month and murdered a shit ton of people. They almost got caught. And at some point Offender ate a whole ass headstone and took a chunk out of a mausoleum

Slender hunts whenever the hell he wants, he doesn’t care about being caught

Offender hunts every couple of months or so

Trender hunts about 2 times a year. He spreads out his food pretty evenly

Splendor hates hunting and usually Offender or Trender will do it for them. They’ll maybe hunt once a year.

Human food to them is like sweets to us. They can’t live off it but it’ll keep them from starving. If they don’t eat human for about 3-4 years they’ll start to starve, but the process is slow and would probably take a while to actually kill them

Trender, Splendor, and Offender try not to get caught or make suspicions rise. They just wanna live their lives.

The amount of people they consume and how long they stay in their human form determines their power levels.

Slender is the most powerful, then Splendor, Offender, and Trender is the least powerful (but they’re all still mega powerful)

Slender is never in his human form and consumes humans whenever he wants so he has nothing holding back his power

Splendor may not eat human much but they’re rarely ever in his human form. And if they are it’s not for more than an hour usually

Offender is in his human form about 50% of the time. He’s in his normal form at home or hunting and any other time he’s human so-

Trender is in his human form like 90% of the time since he spends most of his time at work (he’s a workaholic to the highest extent. When it becomes really bad is when Offender will step in and be like “hey let’s grab a drink and chill out”)

Offender and Slender’s relationship is like Raph and Leo’s from tmnt if their relationship was genuine hatred and violent

Splendor tries to med their relationship and makes times where they all hang out and have dinner together but to no avail

This is the only time Slender can be seen in his human form. He doesn’t want to go but for some reason he does

Slender is stuck in his ways

Their dad hated humans with a passion, and Slender looked up to their father and wanted to be exactly like him so the hatred rubbed off

Slender blames humans for his parents disappearing and Tender’s death. Tender was the brother he bonded with the most

Splendor used to be a really emotional kid and their father hated that so now they bottle up everything

Their mother tried to help as best she could

V support

Trender’s company is a fashion company that produces just about everything

And the sizes go up to 4 or 5 x

And the prices are reasonable and don’t go up with the size

Trender really doesn’t give to shits about money. If he could he’d just give everything he makes away but unfortunately he needs some money to produce what he makes.

He makes kids clothing, teens clothing, adults clothing in every aesthetic you can think of. Rarely will you see basic shit from him

He makes jewelry (real and fake (for the kiddies) and specifies very obviously which is which so someone doesn’t accidentally buy the wrong one)

He makes shoes!

His prices are usually around 10-25 dollars for clothing, sometimes 30 if it’s a specific brand (like Gorillaz or something. He doesn’t work with brands like Victoria secret, brands that have sweat shops, things like that. He doesn’t support them whatsoever)

His business is huge but he always listens to the people and tries to improve. And all his products are made ethically. He tries in every way possible to produce good products without polluting the earth more

Splendor usually only hangs around babies-young adults. They help them through rough home lives, trauma, and helps them find joy. They do everything they can to make them feel better

Splendor is the one who takes care of Sally. And they feels incredibly guilty for not being able to stop what happened to her, or punish her uncle himself.

Animals and mystical creatures are drawn to them and their home. They go to it for shelter and safety, as well as some food. But because Splendor isn’t always there they have a nymph friend there to look after everything.

Slenderman is the only one with proxies

Splendor is demisexual and bi, leaning towards men

Trender is queer and demisexual/demiromantic

Slender doesn’t love anything. Ever.

Trender gets annoyed easily but rarely ever gets pissed pissed (like original face altering pissed) if he does it’s either cause someone did something to his brothers or his models. And the unfortunate soul who did such will never be seen again afterwards

Offender doesn’t really get pissed pissed cause he usually either bottles it up or makes a joke out of it. It’s really only if something happens to his brothers that he gets pissed pissed.

Splendor has a list of people they wish they could rip to shreds. All of them parents. But they don’t want to do that to the children. They only intervenes and gets pissed pissed when the abuse gets physical or sexual. When it’s physically they’ll give the parent one change to never do that again. They’ll scare the shit outta them but won’t hurt them. If it’s sexual they kill them. Plain and simple.

Splendor started wearing pokadots to make the kids happy. Trender hates the suit but doesn’t comment usually

Splendor’s black hands are a skin disease their species can have. The skin is black and kinda ridged.

Splendor wears gloves because of their skin disease. the blood stains and they can’t get it out. Also they’re very insecure about their disease

Splendor put the bells on their tendrils so their movements didn’t scare the kids. They would always know when he was moving and where he was moving to so they’d be more comfortable. It was painful but it was worth it

Slender was in the woods when he was younger and almost got attacked by humans, but his mother came and saved him. (Her tendrils could be used as a shield)

Eden is not related to the brothers.

But eden looks a lot like their mother, so much so that Spendor legitimately mistakes her for their mother.

Slender’s human name is John (splendor had to come up with it on the spot leave them be)

Offender’s human name is Dimitri and I’ll die on this hill

Splendor’s human name is Faer

Trender’s human name is Quael

They can change their physical appearance to be fem or masc. like their body can change.

Slender doesn’t give two shits about pronouns

Offender doesn’t care but he/they/xem works

Trender goes by he/him

Splendor goes by they/them

(Im including Slenderwoman now so uh... 🤷)

Her hair is her tendrils.

She’s not part of the Slender bro family nor does she know they exist (though eventually she will. She’s way younger than them so)

✨Lesbian✨

Has met Slenderman tho. She hates him

Like genuinely hates his guts

She hates almost sharing a name with him.

Prefers to go by her human name; Eden

As long as you don’t use the pronouns he/him she doesn’t care.

She just kinda... appeared at the ripe age of 4? (She doesn’t remember anything past 4 so that’s what if feels like to her.)

Splendor is a switch and you can’t change my mind

Trender is also a switch

Slender doesn’t get any cause he’d kill them, purposely or not, being radioactive and all.

Eden is a top but can bottom is convinced

Offender, Splendor, Trender, and Eden can all control their radiation output so they can glitch tech when they chose and won’t hurt anyone

Slender could but doesn’t want to 🤷

They can be killed by their hearts getting impaled. The reason they don’t know that is because the skin will heal, but the heart can’t.

Offenderman’s real name isn’t Offenderman. That name was dubbed to him when people believed the rumors of him. But he kept it. He can’t really explain why but he did. And now he forgets it’s not his real name sometimes. Though he does prefer to go by Offender/Smexy.

Splendor calls him Offendy and he’s the only one allowed to do so

Trended has four arms, plus his tendrils. He can hide his second pair of arms like his tendrils but it takes energy

Getting their limbs/tendrils cut off only stings to them. They’re only in full on pain when their organs are involved

Eden’s blood has healing properties.

Someone can be turned immortal by being injected with one of the brother’s (or Eden’s) blood in large amounts. It’s extremely painful though.

Doing it slowly can ease the pain, so doing it over a week’s time nonstop will get the job done.

The injected person will be very weak after it for a couple days. A week. 2 weeks in worse cases.

The only one who’s done this is Splendor. They were dating a guy for a very long time and they told him about the procedure and he wanted it. After gaining back his strength he left Splendor. They’re not entirely over this even though it happened a long time ago.

They (mainly Offender and Trender) had to track him down and kill him. (Ya know, heart stuff)

That’s when they figured that’s probably how they could get murdered

#slenderverse #slenderman #offenderman #trenderman #splendorman #Creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #slenderverse headcanons #stars slenderverse

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Futures past pt10 / on AO3

Nie Huaisang gets in a bit of trouble with Jin Zixun

A week after returning from Yunping City, Nie Huaisang still hadn’t had a single chance to spend time with Su She, which was starting to thoroughly annoy him. His friend had been punished for getting into a fight with one of the guest students, and so hadn’t had time at all for Nie Huaisang. At the same time, Lan Xichen had been too busy to actually give those promised music lessons yet, though they had decided on a date for the first one which Lan Xichen has promised he would free himself for. But even with this to look forward to, Nie Huaisang still felt lonely and missed his actual friend.

Which meant that when one afternoon he found Su She waiting for him at the door of the classroom at the end of the day’s lecture, Nie Huaisang was thrilled. There was a lot he wanted to chat about with Su She, and some candies he’d bought in Yunping City to share, and he had to announce that he too was learning music now, and…

“What’s that merchant’s son doing here again?” Jin Zixun asked, pushing Nie Huaisang to the side so he could get to the door first, planting himself in front of Su She. “Hey, what are you doing here? Got something to sell this time?”

Nie Huaisang froze.

He didn’t like Jin Zixun.

Of course, that didn’t mean much. Everyone disliked Jin Zixun, as far as he could tell. The other guest students didn’t like him. The teachers didn’t like him. Even the other Jin kids who’d come with him didn’t like him, and only pretended otherwise when he was around to threaten them. Apparently his uncle and his cousin liked him well enough but they were the only ones, while his aunt preferred to see as little of him as possible, for obvious reasons.

Nobody liked Jin Zixun, but nobody could really stand up to him either, except some of the older Lan disciples, the Lan Jades if they were around, and of course Lan Qiren who remained convinced he could turn even that bully into a decent person and wouldn't put up with misbehaviour from anyone.

Su She, who already stood at the bottom of the pecking order in his own sect, couldn't do much when harassed by someone like that. He still had a faint bruise on the side of his face from his last encounter with Jin Zixun, but just clenched his fists and gritted his teeth and didn't dare say anything. It was what worked when other Lans teased him, he’d told Nie Huaisang before. It was what all Lans were taught to do when confronted with someone rude who tried to bully them.

But Jin Zixun was no Lan, and laughed at this demonstration of fortitude.

“So, are you selling or buying?” he mocked, pushing Su She around. “If you’re buying, I know where you can get pills to improve your cultivation. Then maybe it won’t be so obvious to everyone that you’re just a merchant’s son, right? Or maybe they will. The love of gold never goes away, right?”

“You’d know that, being a Jin,” someone said.

To Nie Huaisang’s consternation, the person turned out to be himself.

It was just that someone had to say something, right? And the teacher, that day, wasn’t Lan Qiren. If it had been, Jin Zixun would never have dared to behave like this, Nie Huaisang knew. But it was another Lan elder who had taught them, one who’d given them a few lectures before and whose attitude had made it clear he thought it beneath him to teach a bunch of outsiders. He’d never intervened before when there had been skirmishes between them unless they got too loud, and it was unlikely he’d come to the defence of a Lan disciple he probably also saw as unworthy. So someone had to do something.

Nie Huaisang hated being the one having to do anything.

He hated it even more when Jin Zixun swirled around toward him, one arm raised to punch him in the face…

But the punch didn’t come. Jin Zixun was a bully but he wasn’t an idiot, so he just grabbed Nie Huaisang by the collar, lifting him up just enough that Nie Huaisang had to stand on his toes.

“What did you just say?” Jin Zixun asked. “Do you have something to say about my family?”

Nie Huaisang shook his head, mostly out of sheer terror. Then, figuring that if Jin Zixun was going to punch him he would already have done so, Nie Huaisang found some courage and nodded.

“I’m saying Lanling Jin was founded by a merchant,” he squeaked. “And you’re right about this at least, the love of gold doesn’t ever leave.”

Technically, the venerable ancestor of Lanling Jin had been the son of a merchant and a rogue cultivator, and his mercantile father had only provided funds while his mother had helped in every other aspect of creating the sect, but it was irrelevant. Nie Huaisang, who only cared about history if it sounded like gossip, had just memorised the fun parts of that story, the bits he could use against the next Jin who'd have called him the son of a butcher.

Using that piece of history to insult Jin Zixun wasn't bad either.

Of course after such an attack on his sect's honour, Jin Zixun again raised his fist, ready to strike. But again, he lowered it quickly, and instead just shook Nie Huaisang violently, making him dizzy. If it had been anyone else Jin Zixun wouldn't have hesitated to hurt them, but only a complete fool would have risked Nie Mingjue's ire over such a small matter.

"You're only playing tough because of your brother," Jin Zixun spat.

"And you're doing the same with your uncle," Nie Huaisang replied while trying to gesture at Su She to leave. "Except I'm sure my brother would stand with me. Are you sure of Jin zongzhu?"

Su She, instead of making his escape, crept closer. He had a worrying glint in his eyes, as if he might try to attack Jin Zixun to rescue Nie Huaisang. Considering how badly Su She had been scolded after his previous brush with Jin Zixun when everyone agreed that he'd probably been the victim, and with several of his teachers already disliking him…

Nie Huaisang gestured more urgently at Su She to go, which was made difficult when Jin Zixun resumed shaking him.

"You little son of a whore, you're just…"

"Don't you dare talk about my mom!" Nie Huaisang shouted, all other worries burned under instantaneous rage. "Not when you don't even know who your dad is!"

He realised, a little late, that it was probably the worst thing he could have said.

Jin Zixun's fist connected with his face. Nie Huaisang felt and heard his nose make a crushing noise, causing a pain intense enough that he promptly fainted.

When Nie Huaisang started coming to, he was in a quiet place, nearly silent save for the respiration of another person nearby. With some effort he opened his eyes to a room that wasn’t his quarters at home, nor his cabin in the Cloud Recesses. Judging by the style of that room and the unbearable silence, he guessed he was still in the Cloud Recesses, but in a part he hadn’t visited yet. Considering that his face hurt a lot less than it should have after being punched like that, Nie Huaisang guessed he had to be in the infirmary.

Nie Mingjue was going to be so annoyed. His stance had always been that fights weren’t bad if they were righteous, but he expected his disciples and relatives to come out of them victorious. To be taken down in just one blow was embarrassing, and it meant Nie Huaisang would be subjected to so much training when he got home, so he wouldn't lose so fast next time he fought someone. And then, Lan Qiren too would probably have something to say about this incident once he heard about it. No private fights was pretty high on the list of Gusu Lan's rules.

Nie Huaisang, whose back had just recovered from the punishment he’d received after Yunping City, sighed deeply.

“Nie-xiong, you’re awake!”

Turning his head, Nie Huaisang realised that the person whose respiration he’d noticed was none other than Su She, who was kneeling next to his bed and had a rather fresh looking new bruise on his face.

“Tell me you didn’t fight with Jin Zixun,” Nie Huaisang sighed, only to wince when speaking caused some new pain on his face.

“I didn’t fight him! But everyone else was too slow to rescue you, and he was going to punch you again! So I put myself between you and him to protect you.”

“That might be even more stupid than fighting him,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, trying to move his lips as little as possible. Trying not to smile, also. Aside from his brother, nobody had ever taken a hit for him before, and it touched him more than he could have said. “Are you ok? They aren’t going to punish you, right?”

“Jin gongzi said it was our fault and the Jins backed him,” Su She said, looking down at his knees. “The Nies say that Jin gongzi struck unprovoked. Everyone else says they didn’t really see and hear anything, because they're cowards and they know Jin gongzi will target them if they don't stay out of it. So for now it’s probably just you and Jin gongzi that will be punished for fighting, unless you agree that I also caused it.”

“But you didn’t, it was all me,” Nie Huaisang said, sighing again. “He shouldn’t have said that about my mom, but saying that about his dad, that wasn't too smart either I guess. My mom was an honourable woman, and all the rumours are just fake, but Jin Zixun…”

He sighed once more, while Su She threw him a puzzled look.

“Wait, you don’t know, for Jin Zixun?” Nie Huaisang asked, wriggling on the bed until he was on his side and could look more easily at Su She. “I figured everyone had heard that one.”

“Gossip is forbidden,” Su She replied. Somehow, he made it sound both like a scolding and a request for details.

Whatever faint guilt Nie Huaisang had felt for having thrown something like that at Jin Zixun’s face evaporated at the perspective of being the first one to share a juicy scandal with someone else.

Before he could get started with that particularly awful story, the door to the infirmary opened so a few people could come in. Nie Huaisang hurriedly returned to laying on his back and put on his most pitiful expression. He didn’t even have to force himself too much. His nose really did hurt, and his cultivation just wasn’t good enough to help with that. As for Su She, he jumped to his feet so he could politely bow before Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren, and another inner clan Lan who Nie Huaisang guessed to be a doctor, a certain Li Fang he learned later.

"You can stay," Li Fang told Su She when he saw him trying to leave. "I'm sure your teachers can spare you, while your friend needs you."

Su She frowned, trying to find hidden insults in those words as always, but still obeyed and went to stand a little out of the way. Meanwhile the other three came to stand around Nie Huaisang's bed, making him feel just a little cornered. Lan Xichen, to his credit, was smiling in a comforting manner, but it did little to offset Lan Qiren's very severe expression.

"I know I shouldn't have done that," Nie Huaisang quickly mumbled. "But he shouldn't have either, and he was trying to make way worse trouble than what happened."

"And so you took it upon yourself to play the hero," Lan Qiren said, stroking his beard.

"Nobody else was doing anything," Nie Huaisang whispered.

"The teacher should have intervened before it got this far," Lan Qiren conceded, sounding irritated at his fellow teacher. Maybe he was. That man, Lan Xingyu, was despised by all of the guest disciples and by Su She, though the same Su She claimed inner disciples liked him well enough. "After reviewing this and other incidents, Lan Xingyu will no longer teach guest students. And Jin gongzi should not have reacted with violence to your taunt. Still, because you did taunt him, you are both at fault, and will both be punished."

"More beatings?" Nie Huaisang whined. His poor body couldn't take much more pain, he would die for sure if he was beaten again.

"Not this time," Lan Qiren said. "But for a week you and Jin gongzi will kneel together in the discipline hall after lessons every day, and then again for a shichen after dinner. At the end of it, I expect both of you to have reflected on your faults and to make sincere excuses."

That sounded pretty boring and awful, Nie Huaisang thought, but probably less painful than the discipline rulers, so he could deal with it. And making an apology didn't bother him, he was pretty good at those since his brother and him argued frequently.

"I will also demand an essay on how you should have dealt with this situation," Lan Qiren added, and that was such a torture that Nie Huaisang whined. "If you do not wish to be punished, then act appropriately."

"And don't pick fights if you can't win them," Li Fang added. Nie Huaisang could have sworn he saw the man roll his eyes in a very un-Lan manner. "You're lucky your friend was here, or your face might be in a worse state than this. As it is, your nose should be fully healed in a week or two, and it will look mostly the same as before."

Mostly was not exactly, and Nie Huaisang couldn't help the wave of despair that washed over him. He liked his face. He wasn't the most handsome person in the world, but now that puberty was starting to set in and he was getting closer to forming a golden core, he thought he didn't look half bad. A normal person could probably have pulled off a broken nose, but for a cultivator…

"Oh, true, let's not forget about this," Lan Xichen said, before turning around to look at Su She.

Su She, always suspicious whenever he attracted attention from his elders or from inner clan disciples, startled at being addressed and gave a quick bow.

"Shidi, thank you for protecting Nie gongzi," Lan Xichen said with a smile that might almost have passed for sincere. "I will make sure to mention it when we inform Nie zongzhu of the incident. I'm certain he will be happy to hear his brother has made such a loyal friend."

Even though it hurt his face, Nie Huaisang couldn't help a faint grin. He hadn't been sure Lan Xichen would keep his word about being more fair to Su She, but he figured even just something like this counted as a first step. Su She, for his part, was so surprised to be complimented that he could only bow again while trying to think of something to answer.

"Lan gongzi is too kind," he said after his bow, throwing a glance at Nie Huaisang who pretended not to notice. "I know I also failed to act appropriately, and so Jin gongzi was hurt by my fault. I will do better next time."

"I'm sure nobody would punish you because Jin gongzi bruised his knuckles on your cheekbone," Li Fang scoffed. Su She said nothing, only averting his eyes, but that was an answer in itself. "Really? Under what excuse?"

"Teacher Lan Xingyu said I should have better deflected the attack instead of taking the hit. I also had no reason to be there at that moment, and should have been practicing cultivation instead of socialising."

If he hadn't been in pain, and already in so much trouble his brother was going to murder him when he got home, Nie Huaisang would have cried out in outrage at this unfair assessment. The others looked just as startled, and even Lan Xichen seemed to be genuinely unhappy to hear about this. Li Fang in particular appeared quite aggravated by the news, perhaps because he too was an outer disciple.

"Some things don't change," Li Fang said with a sharp look at Lan Qiren who also looked annoyed. "I'm pretty sure we have rules about that."

Nie Huaisang had the impression of an entire conversation silently happening, one that perhaps the two men had had many times before. This impression was strengthened by Lan Xichen somewhat hopeful expression, and his brief smile when his uncle gave in.

"We do have rules, and I will talk to Lan Xingyu," Lan Qiren said. "It cannot hurt to remind teachers that they are not exempt from following our principles, and must be an example to younger generations."

"Good, go do that," Li Fang ordered with good humour. "And if old man Xingyu makes trouble for you, just tell me. I wouldn't mind having a chat with him either, if you'll let me."

Lan Qiren did not grace that comment with an answer. He took his leave, followed by his nephew. Su She too tried to leave, but Li Fang insisted he could stay longer, and even told him that if elders made trouble for him again, Su She should complain to him about it. They might not be part of the inner clan, he said, but they were still Lan disciples, they followed the same rules, and deserved to be treated with as much respect.

That was something Su She himself said often, of course. But hearing it from someone of an older generation, and one as respectable as a doctor, appeared to shake him up. If his face hadn't hurt so bad, Nie Huaisang would have grinned. He couldn't regret getting punched in the face if it might have finally given Su She an ally inside his sect.

Still, even with that good news, Su She found something to be unhappy about.

"I told you not to involve Lan gongzi," he complained as soon as Li Fang went to deal with other things in another part of the infirmary. "Now that it gets known I've complained…"

Nie Huaisang shrugged, shifting on his bed to try and find a comfortable position. Gusu Lan beds really were too hard for his tastes.

"I didn't say anything, so don't blame me for this," Nie Huaisang said. "Maybe Lan gongzi just decided to finally uphold the ideals of his sect after seeing what a loyal and morally upright person you are."

"Surely you can lie better than that."

"Not when I'm in pain," Nie Huaisang said. He poked gently at his nose and winced. The pain was one thing, but feeling how it had tripled in size was a true horror. “Oh no. Tell me the truth, Su-xiong. Am I ugly now?”

Su She scoffed, fighting a smile.

“Is that really what you care about right now?”

“My good looks are my only quality! How will I ever find love if I’m not handsome anymore?”

“Then I promise you that your chances of finding love are exactly the same as before.”

Nie Huaisang beamed, smiling as much as he could when his face hurt like that. It took him a moment to notice Su She’s expression, after which he repeated his friend’s words to himself.

“Hey! That’s mean!” Nie Huaisang whined. “I sacrificed my amazing beautifulness for you, and that’s how you repay me? Rude, very rude! Su-xiong, you’re the worst best friend I’ve ever had.”

Su She went very still for a moment, before a light blush crept over his face.

"How many other best friends have you had before me?"

"None. I was holding on for someone really great, and then I met you at last."

"You're an idiot," Su She grumbled.

"Maybe. But I'm your idiot best friend, right?"

Su She scoffed, but still nodded, averting his eyes almost shyly. Nie Huaisang beamed.

He'd been wondering for a while now, but now he was sure of it: he had to have misunderstood when his future self mentioned Su She, because there was just no way his best friend would ever become a bad person.

#xisang #nie huaisang #jin zixun #su she #lan xichen #mdzs #jau writes #double time travel

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

Text

Caged Bird

Summary: “I should let him go right?”

Author’s note: Finally back with another chapter, this one was a bit harder for me than the other chapters because writer’s block was a bish and I kept second guessing myself. I erased so many things and I don’t know if I am even proud of this anymore or if it’s any good LOL but I spent all day writing it so I guess I should post it. I’m not losing motivation but life was beating on my door and I feel like this wasn’t as fleshed out as I wanted it to be but I don’t have the time to flesh it out more and I really didn’t want to go another week without writing, it makes me anxious to leave them unattended for so long. So if you like anything about this let a girl now.

“You told him?” Sujin glances over at Su-ah from her place on her bed, her phone idle on the bed, she’s trying not to text a certain someone too much but that is proving easier said then done with him messaging her without any discretion or care about appearances.

Jukyeong looks knowingly at her phone with a soft smile and she hides the small square too embarrassed even though they hadn’t been talking about anything inappropriate, he was teasing her that she wore his sweaters more than he did these days and asking her if she wanted to go shopping with him so she could pick out exactly which sweater she wanted to steal borrow. She rolls her eyes at the dramatic message, she didn’t take that many of his sweaters, he was just overexaggerating as he was wont to do. She folds the sleeve of her borrowed(thank you very much) sweater over her hands and pointedly avoids looking at the vibrating device.

She has self control.

But a second vibration makes her flaunter for a minute, wondering if he’s saying something important he hardly ever double texts these days. She reaches for the phone gasping when it’s suddenly snatched out of her reach.

“Hey-!” her voice trails off bashfully at the glower on Su-ah’s pretty face, that’s her take no shit face, damn. She sits up straighter giving the girl all her attention lest she become more agitated and try to read the messages, that would be too unsettling. They had both already commented on her recent oversized sweaters, coyly trying to get her to admit to who they truly belonged to. She ignored their teasing and jut her nose in the air each time, they already knew and she refused to give them the satisfaction of saying it out loud.

“Focus on us for one minute. Your boyfriend can wait.” Su-ah states firmly putting her phone on the small desk behind her and she sputters at the comment, red hot flush barreling down her entire body like a wildfire.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She denies vehemently, cheeks burning hotter from the nonplussed looks she receives from her two closest friends, Su-ah looks utterly unimpressed and Jukyeong can barely contain the smile spreading on her full lips, she opens her mouth to argue harder needing to smother the jolt of pure bliss that surfaced in her belly at the other girl’s bold proclamation but the words get firmly lodged in her throat.

His hands tightly wound around hers, his thumb gently caressing the rough skin of her scarred knuckles. The way she didn’t want to pull away or hide from him, he was looking at her, truly seeing her and instead of fear something warmer spread through her veins.

Those lips on her forehead, the softest sweetest kiss she had ever received in her life. Nobody had ever held her like she was something precious before but that was how he pressed her to his wide chest, her head nuzzled into his fragrant neck as she drowned in his intoxicating scent nervous to breathe him in too much lest she get lost in his spell.

The deep rumble of his voice as he called her “baby”, she had always rolled her eyes hearing couples use such supercilious nicknames with each other, what was the point? Why did being in a couple have to mean that you lost your name and essentially a piece of your identity? It was stupid and childish and she wanted nothing to do with such a transgression, or so she had believed.

Until the moment he called her princess.

What started out as a tease had transformed into something bigger than she had ever expected, she hated it or so she told herself. But when he called her Sujin in the park she felt like a part of her was missing, she wasn’t just Sujin to him anymore. In that moment she had a grand realization she wasn’t losing herself like she had initially thought but rather gaining another layer, she would always be Sujin and that was enough but she could also be his princess, his baby.

When had she turned into such a sap? This was all his fault.

“Hello? Sujin? Are you even listening to me? Hey! Are you seriously fantasizing about your boyfriend right now?” She jumps at Su-ah’s loud voice, slapping a frantic hand over her mouth and looking around as if people will materialize out of thin air.

“Can you stop saying that word, Suho might hear you!” She stage whispers and Su-ah raises a thin eyebrow at her shoving her hand away.

“Why are you so red? Did something happen between you two, you can’t hide anything from us! What happened to “we’re just friends”? She blushes redder at Su-ah’s quotation marks and Jukyeong leans forward excitedly, “Have things changed? Did you tell him how you feel? Oh my god, did you guys...kiss?!”

Su-ah stills at Jukyeong’s question before vibrating violently in her seat and grabbing her shoulders shaking her back and forth, “Sujin did you lose your lip virginity? Did you let him deflower you?!”

Sitting stunned and wide eyed, she stares at her friends expectant faces wondering how the conversation became derailed so quickly? She had invited them both over to explain the Baekyung situation and her conversation with Suho’s father but somehow Seojun had become the star of the night.

“Are you crazy why would you call it that?” She immediately realizes her mistake when both girls turn to look at each other and simultaneously shriek, “She didn’t deny it!,” and she watches in horror as they jump up and starting dancing around the room, then she groans and tugs the hood of the sweater over her head pulling the drawstrings so she is cocooned in the fabric as they start singing off key, “Sujin kissed Seojun! Sujin kissed Seojun!”

Instinctively she grabs a fluffy pillow and flings it across the room in a perfect arch before it lands with a soft thud on Jukyeong’s head, time stops as they all stare at each other and then it’s a flurry as the girl picks up the pillow launching it back and that is how Sujin gets involved in her first ever pillow fight. There are pillows flying every which way and Su-ah and Jukyeong gang up on her, shoving her into the bed and playfully smacking her on her stomach and back as she curls up in a ball body shaking from her laughter.

“Tell us everything and we’ll stop hitting you.” Su-ah promises and she shakes her head in refusal, seconds later she feels a grazing on her sides and she knows what’s coming so she tries to draw away but her means of escape are thwarted by Jukyeong grabbing her by the shoulders and pressing her harder into the bed.

“Su-ah please don’t. This is evil, I thought we were friends.” She pleads staring up at both with beguiling eyes and for a minute she thinks her puppy eyes have succeeded as both release her, but then she feels a barrage of hands on her side and laughter is forcefully pulled from her body as she twitches in a fit, twisting and turning from the hands but to no avail. She feels tears pooling in her eyes from the sensation and this is how Suho finds them, tangled up and breathless from laughter and he stares at them in shock.

“When you guys are done...doing this can you please respond to Seojun? He thinks you suddenly got into an accident or got kidnapped because you stopped responding to him.”

Su-ah turns to her with a look of triumph on her mischievous face, “That sounds like boyfriend behavior to me.”

Suho doesn’t reply except for a twitch in his lip before he slides the door closed behind him, giving them privacy again.

She tries not to rush to her phone but her eyes find their eye over to the device all the way across the room, maybe if she runs really quickly she can make it past the two girls and lock herself in the bathroom?

“I know that look. Whatever crazy plot you’re cooking up is unnecessary, you can have your phone back. I know you two hate to be apart,” Su-ah teases leaning over and then handing her the phone, she stares at it worried that accepting it will be admittance to Su-ah’s claims she hesitates to take it.

Su-ah takes the choice away from her when she places the phone in her outreached hands, “Don’t keep him waiting.” She holds the phone flat in her palms looking up at both her friends, they have identical smiles on their faces and warmth blossoms in her belly.

She’s happy, this is what happiness feels like.

But she’s also overwhelming nervous, she has never done this before, never had someone who made her feel this way. Was it supposed to be this terrifying? Putting the phone down resolutely she turns to her best friends needing their advice.

“I have no idea what I’m doing.” She admits, feeling small and more than a little bit lost. Instantly she is squished in the middle as they both come to sit by her sandwiching her in between them, twin arms thrown over her shoulders.

“We know you’re scared but he likes you, everyone can see that. When you’re in a room together it’s like he doesn’t see anyone else, you are always his focal point.” Jukyeong whispers softly placing her head on her shoulder and she wants to deny that but too many images flash in her mind of him doing just that, him dropping everything and racing to her even in the beginning when she had been a mess and constantly pushed him away. Intimate moments at lunch where his eyes hardly leave her as he ardently watches her eat the food that he had prepared just for her, despite countless girls watching him and squealing his name in the distance.

Everyone had eyes for him, but he only had eyes for....her.

“What if all of this becomes too much for him and he wants someone normal? Someone who doesn’t have all my baggage? Being with me must get exhausting.” She’s still talking about Seojun but a small piece of her is also directing this statement to them, was being her friend as exhausting? Did they ever consider just abandoning her and finding someone who didn’t have such tiresome issues?

“You still don’t understand do you?”

She turns towards Su-ah who blinks wet eyes at her and suddenly her eyes feel moist too.

“Understand what?”

“How much you mean to us. All of us. Nobody could ever replace you, we don’t care about your baggage, we want to help you carry it all.”

She blinks and stares straight ahead, scared of breaking apart.

Is that how Seojun felt too? Was she worth the trouble to him too?

When had her life ever been so simple?

They all jump when her phone vibrates again and this time she doesn’t hesitate immediately picking it up, expecting to see another message from the boy in question but instead a new number appears. She stares blankly at first before suddenly recognizing the number.

“Who’s that?” Su-ah questions, staring at her phone with pursed lips and she swipes the message open.

Dinner tonight?

It feels strange to see that message beneath Seojun’s and she finds herself closing it without responding and opening Seojun’s plethora of messages instead.

I was just joking you can steal all my sweaters.

Are you still there?

Princess?

Can you answer me so I know you’re alive?

He is so dramatic, she doesn’t message him for ten minutes and he’s already thinking the worst but then she remembers all the times he has found her helpless and trembling in the rain and his fear makes more sense. Smiling in understanding she finally replies, I’m okay you worrywart. Su-ah and Jukyeong are here, I got distracted.

ignoring social norm he responds to her immediately not the least bit concerned with appearing too invested.

Don’t scare me like that. I was about to come over.

“Sujin are you sure Seojun is okay with you going on dates with Baekyung, that’s who text you right?” Her head snaps up at the question, she bites her lip in consideration.

“He said he understood. He knows I’m only doing it to help him. But tonight is the last time.”

She shouldn’t be concerning herself with anyone else’s problems, hers were enough on their own. But she couldn’t help it, the other boy was going through the same ordeal as her and she saw herself in his cold numb eyes, he was existing instead of living. She knew what that felt like. She understood him all too well.

“Why does he need your help?” Jukyeong asks innocently and she stills before shaking her head, “It’s not my story to tell.”

They don’t ask anymore questions and she’s grateful for that.

She has to get ready for her date, she can’t help but wish it was with someone else. She doesn’t even want to call it a date, now that she has someone that she wants to do this all with.

She looks beautiful, she always does and he wonders if he might have genuinely liked her if they met under different circumstances? He had never learned what it meant to care for someone, too busy trying to survive but she understood him, they had so much in common. He didn’t like her-his heart wasn’t capable of such emotions he was convinced- but he felt a certain kinship that he’d never felt before with anyone else, maybe they were meant to met each other.

Could she be his destiny?

“I need to talk to you.” He stares at her across the table looking effortlessly elegant and he takes a sip of his water, something akin to dread pooling in the pit of his stomach.

“Talk then,” he answers gruffier than he intended but he can see the apology on her face and his vicious side is making an appearance in anticipation of whatever she wants to say to him. She stares at him for a long time and he wonders if she is second guessing or simply searching for the right words, annoyance surges in the wake of her hesitation he is not some child who needs sugared words or placation. “Just say it already,” he says snarkily and her eyes harden at his harsh tone, that’s more like it he hates to be pitied.

“This is our last...gathering. I can’t help you anymore. I am doing something about my situation and I think you should too.”

Rage builds up in his veins until he can see nothing but red, he thought he finally found someone who understood but here she was judging him and already abandoning him and all for what, some pretty boy idiot who would never understand what it meant to struggle? They were two sides of the same coin and nobody could ever truly love them, how could she not see that? At birth they had been deemed unlovable by their own parents and there was no way to undo that fate, it was best to just accept the hand they had been dealt.

“Do you think he really likes you?” He asks meanly sneering at her with a curled lip, this reminds him too much of Dan-oh, of that stinging rejection and the way she wanted nothing to do with him- too lost in her fucking precious Haru-ah and he can’t stop the vicious words that are falling from his mouth, “You’re just a charity case to him. Like a sick puppy he found outside, he doesn’t like you he just feels sorry for you. It’s pathethic.”

The words land exactly how he intended.

She looks angry but that fades to consternation and then doubt builds in her eyes and he knows he was successful, he has planted a seed of doubt in her mind and that will only manifest bigger and bigger until she cracks under the pressure.

“You’re wrong.” She states but she doesn’t sound certain, he can hear the question at the end and he smiles mentally. He almost feels bad but then the image of the other boy smiling with his perfect family flashes in his mind and any guilt he feels melts away. Why should he have it all when he, Baekyung had nothing?

“I’m not. You’re just a phase for him, he probably think he’s being nice pretending to like you. I’ve seen all those girls around him, why would he want someone whose weak broken and whose parents don't even want her? Don’t be naïve, it’s beneath you Sujin. People like us need to know our place.”

He stifles the little voice in the back of his mind that questions why he’s pushing away someone who only wants to be free, why did she get to escape the prison that they both had been locked in for so many years? Why couldn’t she just accept that they didn’t deserve anyone else and just be with him? Why was he always the last possible choice?

She doesn’t say another word, opening her wallet and throwing down enough money to cover the meal that hasn’t even been brought out yet. The cold look she shoots his way stops him from saying anything, he can see the hurt in her eyes and it’s twisted but he feels a tinge of satisfaction at her expression.

He watches her walk away feeling no better than his father, when had he become such a monster and why didn’t it scare him more?

What did that say about him?

The sound of the doorbell echoes through the spacious house and she wonders if it’s Sujin, and that mere possibility is enough to make her race to the door before her husband can make his way from his seclusion in his study. Most day he didn’t even bother coming out and when he did he didn’t even acknowledge her, it was heaven but it also left her guarded waiting from him to explode and hit her. It was like living in a landmine, she walked lightly as to not be heard.

The face on the other side of the door completely shocks her.

Lee Joo-Hun stands there, looking determined and she stares blankly at him. It has been months since their families have shared a meal together, she saw his visible discomfort every time her husband would berate her or Sujin. Many people showed discomfort but few did anything to help them, it was human nature after all.

Better you than me.

She forces a brittle smile to form on her face. Playing the role of happy wife easily, its a role she has been cultivating for years.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had plans with my husband today. Come on in.” She notices that there is a certain unexplained tension in his shoulders but after only a moment’s pause he nods before stepping over the threshold, slipping off his expensive loafers and not bothering to put on the slippers they have placed for guest. Maybe he doesn’t plan to stay for long.

“I’ll go get him,” she says softly wanting to do nothing of the sort, she has not been on his radar as of late and she had every intention to keep things that way but she can’t show this to their guest. Her husband would be livid if she did anything to harm his relationship with someone he saw as a beneficial business partner. She’s unprepared for the hand that stops her, tight around her wrist she has to force herself not to flinch at the sudden touch.

When she looks back, his eyes are wide and they penetrate through her and she snatches her hand back a fear rippling through her at his stare, he’s looking right through her like she’s made of glass.

“Sorry,” he apologizes and she smiles nervously waving him off, “I was just surprised you didn’t do anything wrong.” But he’s peering at her like he knows everything racing through her mind and she has to glance away, it’s all a bit too much and suddenly the study door opens and all the air is siphoned from the room as her husband exits the room, his face changing quickly when he notices that they have a guest, she knows that the rage that first appeared will make return once they are alone again.

“Why didn’t you tell me that we had a guest?” The inquiry is said innocuously enough, he has long mastered repressing his rage in front of others but she can see the anger in his brows.

Before she can answer, Joo-hun stands between them blocking her completely from her husband’s gaze.

“Let’s talk.” Her husband raises a brow at the commanding tone and she can read him as easily as a book, he’s furious at being spoken to in such a tone but the other man doesn’t give him an opportunity to disobey because he’s already walking into the study. Her husband glares at her as if she is to blame before disappearing into the room and shutting the door in her face.

Without a conscious thought she presses her ear against the door but the wood is solid and she can barely hear anything and she leans back about to admit defeat but then the voices raise becoming progressively louder and she hears her husband shout, tone bristling with fury, “How dare you threaten me in my own home!” and the loud booming voice of Joo-hun rings out, “You disgust me and I will do everything imaginable to make sure you end up where you belong.”

The temperature drops at those chilling words and she takes a step back at the sound of movement behind the door, once again coming face to face with the man.

His expression softens when he sees her but she can still see a glint of hardness beneath the surface. He had expressive eyes, they were part of the reason he had been such a celebrated actor.

He knows.

She’s certain now, he knows what a monster she is.

If her husband deserves to suffer then so does she for everything she has done to her poor little girl, she was just as culpable if not more. If only she hadn’t been a coward and left when he first started hitting her, if only she had gone through with the abortion. She had selfishly brought a child into this world knowing that their life would be hell just like hers because she was scared to be alone. She wasn’t a mother, she wasn’t even fit to be called a human at this point and the look he gives her makes her feel like scum on the bottom of his shoe.

“I’m leaving.” He announces walking back over to his shoes, and she had been right he wasn’t planning on staying long.

A loud bang suddenly fills the empty void, her husbands scream are not too far behind as he flings books and whatever he can get his hands on into the walls.

She knows what fate awaits her tonight.

This is her punishment and it’s exactly what a stain like her deserves.

She stares absently at the ground, the sound of the door knob turning reaching her ears and she knows that she’s going to be alone again. The door opens and she sighs, waiting to hear the door close knowing that in seconds she will be a whimpering mess on the ground.

But the sound never comes, and she looks up to see what’s stopping him and his eyes are still hard but not as sharp.

“Come with me.”

She hears the word but the sentence does not compute and it takes a moment for her to process what he just said, her mind tells her that surely she heard him wrong. There’s no way he said what she thought he said.

But then he reaches out a hand and she stares at his palm.

“Why would you want to help me? I’m not a victim. I knew what he was doing, I knew everything and I did nothing. I am just as bad as him. She hates me too. I didn’t protect her.”

It’s the truth, she lost the right of calling herself a victim as she watched her husband step on her seven year old daughter and her first thought was thank goodness it’s not me. That was the day the light left Sujin’s eyes but hope didn’t fade completely not yet, but each time her father hit her those huge eyes would look her way and each time her heart constricted but helplessness stopped her from acting. It took years but all that youthful hope was extinguished and she never heard that word again, “mother” it seemed fitting since she had never been a mother to the girl.

“I don’t understand why you did what you did. But it’s not my place to judge, despite what you think you are a victim and I am done turning a blind eye. Staying here won’t help Sujin, she needs her mother.”

Sujin needs her? That sounds laughable but then a distant conversation resurfaces in her memory and she feels frustrated tears welling in her eyes.

“What does it mean to be a mother? I can’t answer that question for you but the fact that you’re asking that means you want to try, so do that. Try your best and apologize when you’re wrong. That’s all mothers can do.”

The woman looked so fragile laying in the hospital bed but the strength of her words were undeniable, she didn’t know what made her visit she knew if her husband caught her there would be retribution but she couldn’t stay away. She didn’t even have an excuse and they simply stared at each other before the other woman smiled at her and motioned for her to sit on the chair, she had done so without question.

There were flowers all over the room, both fresh and old.

“Someone must really love you.” She had said and she watched jealously as a maternal smile graced her face, she could almost feel the motherly pride.

“Sometimes my son gets carried away.”

The boy on the motorcycle, she had thought he was just a delinquent but the amount of flowers in the room said otherwise.

That was ultimately what pushed her to ask the silly question: what does it mean to be a mother?

She had never known, her own mother had treated her like a bargaining chip that would lead to the betterment of her own life, naming her fortune only to force her to have anything but that in her life.

The woman had smiled delicately before answering her.

The words swirled around like a tornado in her mind, she hadn’t expected such a simple answer.

“Are you coming?” Joo-hun’s voice brings her back to reality and she thinks about Sujin and the day she was born and how small and vulnerable she looked laying in her arms as they both cried, wailing their hearts out.

She hadn’t known what it meant to be a mother back then and she’s no closer to knowing now but she knows that she wants to try, Sujin might never forgive her for what she did and she wouldn’t blame her. But she still wanted to try, even if it took her whole life she would spend it trying to repent for all her sins.

She takes one small step forward, the shackles that have been tightened around her body her whole life crumbling in the face of her renewed hope.

I want to try.

She isn’t wearing his sweater, it’s pitiful but that’s the first thing he notices when he sees Sujin in the morning, she’s walking alone and he can’t stop the joy that shoots through him at the observation it was never easy to see her arrive with the other boy despite knowing the truth. But today the encroacher is nowhere to be seen and he settles the kickstand of his motorcycle before rushing over to her, without thinking he wraps an arm around her shoulder but then he feels her body tighten at the unexpected touch, “Relax, it’s just me,” he whispers airily but to his disappointment her body becomes more rigid at his words.

He immediately removes his arm, moving out of her personal space- not understanding what exactly is going on but still not wanting to be the source of her discomfort.

He shifts apprehensively, already wrecking his brain to think of what he might have done to warrant such a bitter cold reception from her but coming up emptyhanded. So instead of trying to guess and create his own reasons, he asks her, “Are you okay? Did I do something?”

He can tell she’s going to lie before she even opens her mouth, he watches the swarm of emotions play across her face before she settles on nonchalance, “No. I’m fine, you surprised me. I don’t want to upset your fangirls so I think it’s best if we avoid each other at school.” He stares at her in shock, wondering if this is the same girl who he held on the bench just days ago her lips soft on his cheek and her perfume filling his senses?

“I already told you I don’t care about them. You already know that I only care about yo-”

“Stop. I can’t do this right now I need space, I have to go.” She interrupts him and after a long gaze she stalks away and he wants to follow her, nothing she’s doing is making any sense not after everything they’ve been through. He’d given her everything he could offer and it still wasn’t enough, she was still walking away and he was tired of chasing her, if it was that easy to walk away from him time and time again then maybe he was fighting a losing battle.

He turns around, walking the other direction.

He misses the dark eyes that follow him over a small shoulder. He doesn’t look back. This time he chooses self-preservation.

He doesn’t go to lunch, unable to bear the thought of sitting across from Sujin and pretending that he’s okay when he feels like a hollow fruit. So he escapes to the roof top and instant regret fills him as he remembers all those months ago when he had held the other on this very roof, it had been so different from their hug at the hospital and the hug in the rain. Those hugs were filled with what he thought was affection, but now he doesn’t really know. He can’t understand why she’s suddenly pushing him away again when he thought they had overcome all the barriers between them.

Was it because of her father? Had she only kept him by her side because he had helped her but now that Suho and his father were on her side she realized that she no longer needed him? It pains him to imagine that this could be true but the thought rolls around in his thoughts until he starts to believe it, that has to be it. Was he that expendable to her?

Clearly the answer was, yes.

The rooftop door suddenly bangs open and he hates his heart for speeding up, as he turns around piteously hoping to see her. HIs heart plummets when he’s greeted by a smiling face that’s nowhere as beautiful as the one he hoped to see, he tries futilely to hide his disappointment with a smirk.

He recognizes the girl as one of the people who have confessed to him in the past months, she wasn’t as nervous as the others but it had taken her a few minutes to stutter the words out and he had gently turned her down, he wasn’t cruel because he knew how terrifying it was liking someone and not knowing if it was reciprocated.

She shuffles anxiously on her feet and he wonders how she knew he was up here. Sometimes the girls at school made him uneasy, their fixation with him wasn’t normal.

He watches at she inhales deeply before looking at him with an unwavering gaze.

“I know that you said that you liked someone else and I respect that. But I haven’t seen you dating anyone and I just like you so much you’re all I can think about and .....Cantyoujustgivemeachanceifshedoesntlikeyouback?”

It takes an extra moment to decipher what she said with the rapid speed that she expels the words and he stares at her, her breathe coming out in short winded puffs like she just ran a marathon.

He steps forward purposely, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder before answering her, thoughts of Sujin’s sudden rejection permeating his mind.

She walks away stunned by his reply and he doesn’t go down until the bell rings, he still isn’t prepared to be in the same room as Sujin but he can’t avoid her forever.

The classroom is abuzz, he can hear excited voices as he walks down the hallway and he wonders what bit of gossip has their attention now, he slides the door open only to feel all eyes land on him. The class goes silent before suddenly he’s being bombarded with questions.

“Is it true?”

“Why her? I liked you before she did.”

“Are you finally going to get a girlfriend? It’s not fair you shouldn’t only date one person oppa.”

He ignores them all sliding into his seat and dropping his head onto the table, when they realize that he has no plans of answering their invasive prompts they go back to gossiping about him as if he’s not sitting right there.

He rubs his temple, trying to stop the head ache he can feel forming but he knows that it’s already too late.

The energy shifts in the room and without looking up he already knows why, he can hear the telltale clicks of her shoes on the floor.

He hears Su-ah’s voice shortly after, “What are you all so excited about? Did something happen?”

It’s vindictive but he wants them to hear the gossip so he finally looks up, eyes settled on Sujin who is already looking at him.

“Oh! Su-ah it’s the saddest news, Han Seojun is getting a girlfriend. He finally accepted a confession.” A girl whose name he doesn’t know wails as if her life is over and he watches the confusion morph on Su-ah’s face before he glances over at Sujin and she looks devastated and it suddenly he feels sick instead, what is he doing finding enjoyment in this?

He can’t hold her gaze, he doesn’t know what the look on her face means and he doesn’t want to analyze it, he’s done doing this.

“It’s just rumors.” Su-ah repeats this over and over like a mantra, but she can’t hear a word that the other girl is saying all she can think about is Seojun with someone else. She imagines him smiling and holding someone else, cradling their cheek as he kisses their forehead and wrapping them in his too big sweater while beaming down at them and it makes her rush to the bathroom, water scalding her hands before she can even think about what she’s doing.

“Sujin no!” Jukyeong snatches her hand away from the too hot water and she only fights her for a moment before lets herself be pulled away, losing all her fight.

“Calm down Sujin, talk to us. What happened between you two?” Su-ah asks firmly and gently and she can’t stop the diarrhea of words that explode from her mouth as she tells them everything, Baekyung and how much his words stuck in her mind and her doubts about Seojun and whether she could truly be loved by anyone much less someone as coveted as him. What right did she have to drag him down?

He might like her now, think that he was aiding someone helpless but was that all this was? Was she just something to soothe his ego?

“Do you really feel that way?”

She jumps at the harshness in Jukyeong’s tone, she has never heard the other girl talk like this before. She has never been anything but kind when speaking to her, the tone makes her head spin.

“What?” She replies at a loss for words.

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you believe the words you are saying right now?” Jukyeong presses harder and she stalls at her interrogation, not knowing what she thinks anymore she can barely trust her emotions- they change too quickly without her permission or consent. It makes her miss the days when she felt nothing, numbness overwriting all these pesky feelings.

“I...I...I don’t know.”

The silence drags on before she hears Jukyeong sigh heavily, “Then I think you should let him go.”

It’s the last thing she expects to hear especially from the ever optimistic girl and acid runs through her body at the mere suggestion.

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t fair Sujin, you can’t play with someone like this. You can’t push him away and then get jealous when someone else shows interest, he’s not some toy that you can pick up whenever you see fit. He is a person, who really cares about you. If you still don’t know what you feel for him then maybe it’s best to let him go.”

She turns to look at Su-ah hopeful that the other girl will say the opposite, will implore her to fight for Seojun. She’s crushed when she sees a similar look on Su-ah’s face. It’s a mix of exasperation and pity, she hates it.

They both think that she should let Seojun go.

She leaves the bathroom with nothing in her mind, walking aimlessly back to class taking her seat and robotically pulling out her notebook. She doesn’t hear one word that the teacher says for the rest of the time, her heartbeat wildly thumping in her chest.

When class ends it takes Su-ah calling her name a few times to break her from her stupor.

“It’s time to go home.”

“Oh.” She starts to put her books away in her bag, dropping one when Seojun walks past her table without a sideways glance, it’s like they are strangers again and that makes her want to scream because this was all her fault.

“Wait.”

She can’t bring herself to speak the word aloud and he leaves, walking away from her just like she had this very morning.

He’s already speeding off on his motorcycle when she gets outside and she sees a girl beaming at his back, surrounded by a group of girls who are congratulating her and telling her how jealous they are.

That must be her, the lucky girl.

The one that had replaced her so easily. She stomps away ignoring Su-ah and Jukyeong’s cries of her name. She knows she has no right, none at all but she does it anyway she has to know if this is really the end.

That’s how she finds herself outside of his apartment, staring at his motorcycle the proof that he is here and not out with the girl from school, it makes the unease in her stomach unfurl slightly. Staring up at the looming building she tries to think of what she can say to him, she should listen to Jukyeong what she was doing wasn’t fair but she can’t lose him, she had undid all the good in one fleeting moment because she didn’t trust them. Baekyung had said the words but she was the one who chose to believe them, the one that let those words wedge a divide between them and for that she was solely to blame.

Saying sorry wouldn’t nearly be enough, but that’s all she can think of as she pushes the door open and calls for the elevator.

The ride has never felt that long all the other times she has visited his apartment, but today it feels like an eternity but when she reaches his floor it feels too soon and she’s not ready.

Which is exactly why the universe gives her no warning and as the doors open she meets his eyes, he looks notably surprised to see her there and takes a step back in his shock.

Once she recovers from her own shock, she takes in his attire he’s no longer wearing his uniform- dressed in all black from head to toe like a grim reaper and she wonders if grim reapers are supposed to be that hot, absently she steps out of the elevator before the doors can close between them. Her tongue feels huge in her mouth as she openly gapes at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Where are you going?”

Their questions collide and his gaze sharpens once he processes her words, she knows she has no right to question him about anything and his cold look echoes that very sentiment.

He scoffs at her and tries to circumvent around her and she feels the floodgates opening up in the face of his blatant disregard, “I know you’re tired of hearing this but I’m sorry.”

His expression barely changes, as he folds his arms peering down at her.

“Okay.”

He tries to walk around her once more and this time she’s the one to invade his personal space, gripping his elbow to stop him from walking away from her. She has an irrational fear that if he walks away that this will be her last chance, it makes her let down her guard fully terrified she’ll never get another opportunity.

“I was scared, that once you realized that I was always going to be this broken you wouldn’t want me anymore. Even if he goes to jail I’m always going to be like this, a broken fucking mess and how can I ask anyone else to deal with that? How can I ask you to give up on having a normal relationship with someone who won’t need therapy for the rest of their lives? I should give you up, everyone is right. I don’t deserve you. I don’t.”

Despite her rapid blinking a few stray tears escape her tight hold and she watches the wall he put up around his heart gradually start to stilt away as his eyes opens up in the face of her palpable dismay.

“Sujin.”

“Please let me finish, if I don’t say it now I’m scared I never will.”

He stares at her before nodding slowly.

She takes a deep breathe before continuing, “I’m not good girlfriend material, no don’t argue I’m not. I will doubt us all the time and I won’t always talk to you about my feelings because I’ve spent so many years ignoring them, I only spoke to you last time because it involved your family. I knew I couldn’t keep that from you but this didn’t seem as important. I should be able to handle it on my own, I’m not a baby. I’m too impulsive and selfish and a coward and....I shouldn’t burden anyone with dating me.”

It looks like it’s taking everything in him not to rebuttal, because when it really matters he always listens to her.

“I know that I haven’t made this easy on you and I should have just let things be-let you be with someone normal, but I can’t and I know why, I’ve always known why but I was too scared to admit it. I can’t just be friends with you anymore.....I want more.”

She can’t believe it but the words are now out in the universe, the ones that she has been thinking for months and swallowing every time he showed her how much he cared about her, and he looks taken back by her confession, she hadn’t planned on saying that when she showed up but now it feels stupid to keep it to herself, if she’s going to lose him then she might as well be honest, at least once in her life.

“Can I speak now?”

She doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear what he has to say, but it’s only right since he listened to her, taking a centering breathe she nods at his inquiry preparing herself for the worst.

“You are selfish.”

Her heart sinks at his words, that isn’t a good start and even though he is merely echoing her words it burns deeper to hear them from him.

“And impulsive and so damn confusing, you’re hot and then you’re so damn cold and I’m only human Sujin I can’t just pick myself up after you push me away every time, I get hurt too.”

She tries not to bristle at his tone and the lack of nicknames, feeling her heart sink into her stomach now.

“When that girl confessed to be do you want to know what I thought?”

She blinks at the sudden change in topic and her immediate answer is no, she does not want to know at all but he doesn’t even give her a moment to reply before he’s answering his own question.

“I thought she is so straightforward and this is so different, I don’t have to guess about her feelings she wears them on her sleeve, this is so much easier being with her would be so much easier.”

Her first real confession and rejection all in one day. She has always been an overachiever and it’s only fitting that this would be no different, blinking harshly she forces the tears to stop she has no right to make him feel guilty, everything he said was right and she couldn’t blame him for choosing the path of least resistance.

“Thank you. For everything, I really mean it.” She bows at him before turning around, she can’t stay here for another minute not knowing that he’s no longer hers and probably never was in the first place.

It’s all too cruel.

She presses the button, she should just take the stairs but this will buy her a few extra minutes with him, it’s pitiable but she wants to savor every remaining moments.

The elevator arrives, gleaming metal doors sliding open and she steps inside ready to go home and cry her eyes out.

But then a large hands wraps around her wrist and she’s suddenly tugged backwards her back slamming into his chest.

“Where are you going? Did I say I was finished?” His voice is rough in her ears and she can feel the rapid beat of his heart through his skin, it amps up her own racing heart too scared to even hope but she feels brittle and unsteady his body is the only thing keeping her upright.

“Dating someone else would be easier, but the thing is I don’t want easy. I’ve never wanted easy, I just wanted you in anyway that I could have you. So why are you trying to “set me free”? Fuck that self sacrificing bullshit, you said it yourself you’re selfish so hold on to me and don’t let me go, when you have doubts hold on to me tighter. I’m not some caged bird that you’ve imprisoned, I’m the guy who likes you and that’s not going to change because you pushed me away. Do you feel feel that? That’s fear. You’re scared to lose me. Good, remember this feeling and how much it makes your heart ache and hold on to me tighter.”

She hiccups at his words, tears pouring down her cheeks now and she finds herself turning in his arms before her brain can catch up, relief washing over her so profoundly she sways a little on her feet.

He has a shit eating grinning on his face as he stares down at her.

“You didn’t accept her confession.”

He rolls his eyes at the statement, pulling her closer although there is no space left between them.

“No I turned her down again but some girls saw us come from the roof top together and they started spreading rumors anyway and I couldn’t be bothered to stop them.”

She stares unimpressed at him, reading between his lines and feeling foolish because she fell right into his trap.

“You knew it would make me jealous.”

He shrugs noncommittedly, “I hoped it would help bring you to your senses.”

Has she been brought to her senses, she’s not sure she feels crazier than before his words echoing in her brain and she’s moving before she even knows what her intentions are, his smile starts to slip away and he releases her and makes an apprehensive retreat backwards and she automatically follows him, he steps back, she steps forward, another step back and she steps forward again, they do this dance until he’s pressed against the wall with nowhere else to run.

“Why are you running?”

He blinks looking dazed and she takes that opportunity to move in closer, cradling his face in her hands before leaning her head forward until only an inch separates them, a scratching noise comes from the wall and when she glances down she can see his nails digging into the paint, she hums at the sight and the implications.

She was clawing at his resolve.

Skin vibrating like a livewire she gently pulls him down, until they are eye level and their breaths are curling in the miniscule space between them, those feline eyes are darting all over her face before they land on her lips, she sinks her hands deeper into his hair.

“Are you sure about this?”

She has to ask one last time, this all feels like a dream and she’s terrified of waking up and finding that she imagined this all.

He doesn’t answer at first, too busy staring a hole through her face but she waits patiently, remembering all the times he had waited for her.

“What?”

“Can I really keep you? Do you really want to be mine?”

It’s so cheesy and sappy and all kinds of ridiculous, nothing that she ever imagined for herself because she never thought anyone would make her want to say these kind of sweet nothings but here they are- and there’s no turning back now she waits for his reply with bated breath and this time he barely pauses for a second instantly answering, “I’ve been yours this whole time. Are you mine though can you let me in?”

When you have doubts, hold on to me tighter.

She drags him the rest of the distance between them, her lips barely grazing his own and it’s crazy because her lips are already on his, soft flesh upon flesh but it takes a moment to realize that she’s actually kissing him, she is kissing Han Seojun. They are kissing.

She has no idea what she’s doing and she leans onto her tiptoes pressing more firmly against his mouth, imitating the kisses she has seen on tv and from couples in the hallway at school twisting her head to find a better angle but something still feels wrong and it takes another moment to realize what’s wrong.

He is frozen on the wall, completely still under her ministrations.

And she immediately pulls away, apologetic and feeling bone deep shame.

“I’m sorry! I had no right to spring that on you, you barely forgave me and I did that. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

His eyes are glossy and his cheeks are so red and it’s almost too beautiful to look at, how was she not supposed to kiss him when he was looking like that?

“Don’t apologize, you just made my brain short circuit. Come here.”

She blushes bright at his too honest admittance, feeling giddy from the power that she seems to have over him. She had been scared that her inexperience would be off-putting for him.

He tugs her back, letting her body block him in against the wall and she gasps at the warmth of his body he’s so hot even through the layers of clothes separating them. Her breath hitches when he starts to lean back down and this time when their lips meet it feels like the universe has righted itself, the stars and the moon are aligned and something clicks inside her like a gear snapping into its rightful place.

It’s a simple kiss, a mere press of lips to lips but it is perfect and sweet- nothing like what she imagined because her mind could never fathom something so ideal, the softness of his mouth on hers is enough to make her toes curl and when he wraps his arms around her waist, one hand tight on her back as he eliminates any space between them dragging her impossibly close, she sighs unable to contain her delight as a smile works its way across her lips. He chuckles into the soft press of their first kiss and she can’t help the answering giggle that she lets out, to anyone else they would look deranged but she doesn’t care, this was real.

He breaks away only to pepper kisses all over her face- first her forehead then her cheeks, her nose and even her chin, all left warm in the wake- and she blushes under his passionate and diligent attention before grabbing his face and kissing him harder on those plush red lips, hands tight on his hair as she tastes him for the first time. He’s intoxicating and she knows she can never go back to being just friends, not when his flavor is thick on her tongue and she knows what his moans taste like.

Not when his hands are bruising tight on her waist and his scent is coiling around her like a blanket that she never wants to be without.

She was allowed to have this and she would relish every minute.

He sits awkwardly on the couch with the woman he has only ever seen a handful of times, when his father had called him and asked for a favor he had never expected this. He had been completely flabbergasted to see the woman on his doorstep but stepped back to give her entrance, nonetheless.

He knew that his father meant well, was hoping that the two would be able to reconcile like they had but he was forgetting how much they fought before getting to where they were now. It had been an arduous path to restoring their broken relationship and he feared that Sujin and her mother had differences that might be irreconcilable .

She looks like Sujin, just more weathered and beaten down by life in her expensive clothes and jewelry none of it doing anything to hide the sadness that wafts off her in ebbs and waves. He tried calling the other girl several times but to no avail as he reached her voicemail over and over again, he knows that there is no way this can end well but he couldn’t kick the woman out either, not to be with that sadistic bastard.

“I should go. She won’t be happy to see me.” She states matter of fact and he’s not a good enough liar to try to argue with her so he says nothing at all, staring at the floor in silence.

Then the jiggle of keys reach his ears and they both sit taller, gazing at each other wild eyed as the door pushes open.

Sujin looks blindingly happy, a wide smile stretched across her face and he contemplates throwing a blanket over the woman’s head to hide her- just so the girl can enjoy a few more seconds of happiness but it’s already too late, Sujin slips off her shoes putting on her slippers and walking over to him, her eyes are still on the ground and then she finally looks up and all the air is sucked out of the room.

All of the joy and exuberance that had previously been imbedded in her pores dissipates and he sees a look so numb, it feels like he’s seeing the Sujin from months ago cold and shivering in Seojun’s arm, the one that didn’t want to live and saw her life as expendable.

He wonders if he did the right thing? Would she ever forgive him for this?

She doesn’t say a word, throwing the keys on the table and sprinting back to her shoes, haphazardly stuffing her feet back into them and shooting him one final look of betrayal that makes his blood turn to ice before she slams the door behind her, the sound so powerful the walls vibrate.

“She hates me.”

From that look on her face, her mother wasn’t the only one.

#true beauty #junjin #bmtl #han seojun #kang sujin #chapter 11 #more teen angst #oops

41 notes · View notes

haikyu-hoe · 3 years

Text

You’re safe now

Tsukkishima Kei x reader

one shot, angst-ish but fluff (happy ending)

⚠️ warning ⚠️ mentions of s*lf h*rm, sc*rs and su*cidal thoughts. please do not read if you feel like this might trigger you !!

Hope you guys enjoy this more angsty fanfic, dm if you have any requests xx

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You’re a first year at Karasuno. Everyday has been the same since the beginning of the year. Each morning you wake up to this feeling of emptiness that’s slowly eating you alive. At this point, you don’t even know why you get up in the morning anymore.

It’s not like anymore cares, right? Sure you do have a few friends, but they probably only tag along because they pity you or because sometimes you bring them sweets. And your parents... they were never really abusive but it’s like they made sure to always keep a toxic atmosphere in the house.

As for your grades, they’ve just kept going downhill since September. You’ve kinda given up, since no one expects much from you anymore. Or so you thought.

After class, you’re supposed to meet up with your teacher so she can introduce you to your new tutor, a fellow student who will help you with your homework. This is your last chance to pick yourself up, as she said.

You enter the teachers lounge to see Tsukkishima Kei, a guy in your class, standing beside your teacher. She introduces the both of you, and you leave for the studying class. You walk there in silence. There’s many students studying in groups there, and you sit beside Tsukkishima at a table by the windows.

“let’s get started, yeah?”, he asks, as if he’s impatient to be done. Didn’t he volunteer for this though? Maybe the teacher picked him because he has good grades and he’s forced to be here...

Tsukkishima had quite the reputation amongst the first years. He wasn’t only known to be a tall, handsome volleyball player but also a smartass and an asshole. You feared he might be mean to you if he had been forced to do this. Your mental health was hanging by a thread and if he even did so much as raise his voice at you, you would break down.

“Did you volunteer for this?”, you ask shyly.

“Yeah, what about it.”, he replies in a cold, annoyed tone.

“It’s just- did- why-” you sigh. “doesn’t matter”

“maybe he was offered bonus points... not that he needs them though.”, you think to yourself. But it doesn’t matter, nothing does. Everything in life is temporary, except pain, so that’s the only thing you must focus on.

You take out a math textbook, and Tsukkishima starts explaining the first problem. 10 minutes later, you still don’t get it and your tutor is obviously very annoyed by your ignorance.

“God y/k can you just focus on this? It’s basic mathematical equations!”, he says while lightly rolling his eyes.

“Hey i’m sorry i’m not as smart as you, ok? I’m sorry i’m not good at anything, i’m sorry i can’t do anything right!”, you say as tears start forming in your eyes. As they begin rolling down your cheeks, you get up to leave.

You go to push your chair, but Tsukkishima grabs you by the wrist.

“Ow! let me go!”, you scream.

“Shh i’m not even pulling hard-” he replies, trying to calm you down before people start staring.

Tsukkishima is determined to keep you here, so he pulls at your wrist, you fight back and in all this commotion, your sleeve gets slightly rolled up, revealing a freshly scarred wrist.

Tsukkishima lets go quickly upon seeing the scars, looking away. You pull down your sleeve and leave.

“God what’s his problem”, you think. “it’s not like anyone’s asking him to do this! What does he care anyway”

Tonight is a night like the others. Homework, TV, slashing your wrists... you can’t even feel the pain anymore. All you know is you want this to end.

The next day, you catch Tsukkishima staring at you in class multiple times throughout the day. What a brat, what a jerk! “He probably just wanted to mock me”, you think.

You don’t tell your friends about any of this. None of their business. You’ve never been much of a talker, after all. At the end of the day, you don’t even wait for them to walk home. Not like they’d wait for you either, so what does it matter.

But someone is waiting for you at the gate. You try to walk fast in front of him, but the tall blond haired boy still notices you.

“Oi, y/k.”, he says calmly, putting an arm in front of you to block the way.

You have no choice but to stop. You let out a deep sigh before turning your head to him.

“Would you mind stopping by the park with me?”, asks Tsukkishima.

“sure”, you shrug.

It’s not like you had any plans tonight. It was going to be a regular evening of procrastination, trying to do homework but not getting anything done because of the unbearable amount of stress and spiralling anxiety and finally going to sleep at 1 am. Your parents don’t get home until after dinner, so they won’t know any of this. You wonder if they’d even notice. Sometimes it feels as if no one would care if you disappeared.

Tsukkishima goes to grabs your wrist to make you follow him, but you hear him mutter “right, sorry”, before backing away.

The whole time you walk at a slow pace, not even trying to keep up with the tall volleyball player. At some point it starts irritating him, so he gestures at you to walk faster. You sigh and do a bit of an effort to keep up, but you’re still not fast enough so Tsukkishima just grabs your hand to force you to go to a quicker pace.

You’re about to protests, but why? You might not be around for long anymore so might as well do some crazy shit while you’re still here, while you’re still... alive.

His hand feels so comforting in yours, but you have to remind that this doesn’t mean anything. But still, the feeling of being love had become a distant memory until now. It awakens a part of you you thought was gone forever, killed by sadness.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you don’t even notice you’ve arrived at the park, until Tsukkishima lets go of your hand. It’s a modest park with only two wooden benches, an old fountain full of coins and a few trees.

Tsukkishima turns to face you as you sit down besides him.

“So what did you want?”, you ask, eager to get out of there, even if you’d rather die than go home. But that’s probably just because you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, ever.

“I’m worried about you, y/k...” starts Tsukkishima. “I’ve watched the light in your eyes go out rapidly since the beginning of the year, your smile get more and more fake... Thays why I volunteered to help you out.”

“Out of pity, huh. Great.”, you sigh. You roll your eyes and look away, crossing your arms.

“That’s not it, y/k. You just seemed like such a good person, always caring about others even though your own life was going downhill... I couldn’t bear to see you like this. Because the truth is...”

He stops mid sentence, just looking at you. You eventually turn back to him, staring at his glistening hazel eyes. He doesn’t seem like the asshole everyone warned you about at all. A cute blond strand dances to the rythme of the wind in front of his eyes, and you just want to put it out of the way...

“i love you.”, finally finishes Tsukkishima.

This wasn’t what you were expecting. It actually explains a lot of things, but creates a bunch of new questions too. He looks a bit embarrassed, and his cheeks become a light shade of pink, just like his soft looking lips.

You gradually get closer to him, and before you know it, your faces are only inches apart. He cups your face with his hands, lightly brushing your cheeks. Tears form in your eyes, and without thinking another second, you kiss Tsukkishima.

He kisses you passionately, making you remember all the things that have kept you alive so far... All your ambitions, all your dreams, all your hopes.

You feel his hands run down your neck, then reach your shoulders and finally your arms. He glides his fingers under your sleeves, running them on your scars. It feels fresh and reassuring.

Your lips part after a minute and Tsukkishima whispers “you’re safe now.”

You hug him tightly, sobbing violently against his chest. He holds you close to him, and you finally calm down, reassured by the steady sound of his heartbeat.

“I won’t try to pretend to know what you’re going though but please, y/k, let me try my best, ok?”, he whispers in your ear. His warm breath tickles against your neck.

You back off a bit to look at him, slightly brushing your fingers against his pale face. You nod lightly. He softly kisses your forehead, takes your hand and says “let me walk you home.”

You walk at his pace this time, keeping your bodies as close as possible. When you reach your house, it’s like waking up from a dream that wasn’t over. You can’t let go just yet...

“How about I try to help you with maths again tomorrow?”, he says, seeing your eyes full of tears. You nod, and Tsukkishima lifts your chin with a finger to place one last kiss on your lips.

You look at him walking away from your porch until he’s completely out of sight. For the first time in months, you feel something other than stress, like a shining star in this pitch black void that was your heart. Excitement, happiness or maybe even... love?

-the end-

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lanonima · 3 years

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First review of the new year! I also decided that once I hit twenty, I'll start a new graph because this one is getting pretty crowded. There's plenty of open space, but I'm not likely to read stuff in that open space so…

Anyway, my review of Copper Coins:

Romantic - Fucky is not how risque a work is but rather my opinion of the attitude/quality of the main relationship, the way the characters interact with respect to one another. I like a lot of stuff in fiction but if you’re easily made uncomfortable, stay towards the top half.

Easy reading - Plot-heavy is how I personally consider the plot’s intricacy and successful implementation, regardless of the author’s intention.

Copper Coins

Author: Mu Su Li

Quality: 5

Enjoyment: 4

Comments: Oof. I hate, absolutely hate, saying the phrase "show don't tell" about novels because it has to do with screenwriting and doesn't really apply to novels all that much but damn. This book was so surface level. I did not feel a single emotion the entire time. It actually reminded me a little bit of Nan Chan, and retroactively made me like that book better because I would definitely rather reread that than this. Not saying it's a bad book, I'm sure it's fine, and if you liked Nan Chan and want a relationship with a similar dynamic and are less of a bitch than I am, you will probably like this one too. It just doesn't have enough emotional depth to be entertaining to me.

Would I read it again: No, and I won't read anything else by this author either.

The reviews of things I previously read are below the cut.

Mo Dao Zu Shi

Author: MXTX

Quality: 9.5

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have a huge emotional connection to this novel. There are some weak parts, the tension isn’t quite even, she’s pretty terrible at erotic scenes and not great at fight scenes…but that being said, I love the characters and some of the plot points really ripped my heart out. This is a novel that’s really driven by the characters so if you’re a character-focused person like me, definitely look into it (as if we all don’t already know it lmao). I really, really love this story. Every single adaptation of it has also been great, but the novel is still my favorite. It was my introduction to xianxia novels too, so you can say it changed my life!

Would I read it again: I’ve already read it twice, and consumed every adaptation (sometimes also multiple times)

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Author: MXTX

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I’m not much of one for comedy and, as I discovered, not really into system novels either. Clearly weaker than MXTX’s later work, many of the characters are somewhat bland, she hasn’t quite found her groove yet. It’s not my style but the fandom is hilarious and the fans constantly produce content that I actually do find entertaining so overall I still have some fond feelings for this one, even if not for the source material.

Would I read it again: I found a different translation and am willing to try again in the future, I’m also willing to watch the donghua. But I can’t guarantee I’ll like it any more than previously.

Tian Guan Ci Fu

Author: MXTX

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I love this book…but not as much as I love Mo Dao Zu Shi. I think the plot is somewhat typical, however the characters are great once again (though maybe slightly less deep than MDZS), and her use of thematic repetition and foreshadowing are killer. Actually, I liked this book more the second time around because it just hits differently. Definitely the best of MXTX’s couples, they are so soft and sweet. Very long, but worth it.

Would I read it again: I already have, was personally translating the manhua before I hurt my arms, and am eagerly awaiting the donghua this fall!

The Villain’s White Lotus Halo

Author: A Big Roll of Toilet Paper

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: Fuck, I love this one so much…..even though it’s also a system novel. But that part is in it so rarely that it reads more like pure fantasy. I love the characters, I love the plot, I love the way the relationship is developing. Oh yeah, the translation isn’t even complete but I already purchased not only the original from JJWXC but also the print edition. I’ve even drawn fanart for it, which is so unlike me. Every time a chapter comes out, I’m ruined for the rest of the day, I can’t think about anything else. Good fight scenes, which is uncommon. My favorite danmei novel so far.

Would I read it again: I fully intend to once the translation is complete, and also plan to read it in Chinese later (I’ve already read certain parts in Chinese hahaha but not the whole thing)

2Ha (Husky and his White Cat Shizun)

Author: Meatbun Doesn’t Eat Meat

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: 2Ha is not for the faint of heart, it’s very horny, and violent, and has a lot of questionable content. However I love it so much. The story and characters are great, Meatbun really has me by the heart. The writing is a little more on the casual side but it hardly matters because the story is so great. Good fight scenes. Chu Wanning is like, the ultimate Me™ character, I hate how much I adore him. If you read this, just go into it knowing that it’s a long emotional journey, the characters are very dynamic and there’s a lot of character development.

Would I read it again: Same as the above, I plan a reread when the translation is done and have read parts in Chinese and might read the whole thing again later. Cautiously eager about the up-coming live action and donghua.

Di Wang Gong Lue

Author: Yu Xiao Lanshan

Quality: 2

Enjoyment: 9

Comments: This is one of the most terribly written things I’ve ever read, but I’m a character girl and the characters and ways they interact fucking kill me. I’m constantly entertained….although I don’t think this is actually supposed to be a comedy. If I were going to treat myself and like, take a bubble bath and read something that made me laugh, this is exactly the sort of trashy romance I would want to read. Technically a political intrigue story but it’s so abrupt and full of holes, are any of us reading it for the actual plot? The donghua is on Youtube, I watched it first and recommend others to do the same. If you can handle that, you can handle the book because it’s exactly the same in quality, just gayer. I do love the main couple a lot, the set-up surrounding the relationship is great, and the side characters are also really fun.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but I’m still having fun with it. I watched the donghua and read a bit of the manhua as well, which has very cute art and is probably my favorite version of the story.

Liu Yao

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7.5

Comments: I really struggled getting into this one, it took me about 25 chapters to get invested. Initially I had rated it a 6 in enjoyment but after careful thought, I realized that even though it was so hard for me, it probably is my favorite Priest novel and I really do love the main couple so much. Her side characters also seem to be slightly stronger than usual in this one. Decent plot, not too much or too little. It seems really chill to me, doesn’t provoke much of an emotional reaction but I do think it’s very sweet, which is nice sometimes too.

Would I read it again: No, but I think (?) it’s supposed to get some kind of tv adaptation (drama or donghua, not sure), and if that happens, I’ll watch it.

Didn’t Know the General was Female

Author: Rong Qing

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: Not the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but cute. It’s short, and a little lesbian fluff is never a bad thing. Writing is a bit weak and the plot is basic, but the characters are enjoyable and I liked it overall.

Would I read it again: No.

Wrong Way to a Demon Sect Leader

Author: Yi Zhi Dayan

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Again, not the greatest in writing or plot, it’s a bit shallow. But I found the idea of it to be entertaining, and actually liked it more than I would have assumed. It’s fairly short and cute, like a good summer beach read.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but possibly, if the stars align.

Female General and Eldest Princess

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: A very good first effort, but the writing is a bit weak. It’s slow to start and I don’t think the political plotline is spectacularly strong. Some things were left unexplained, and her sense of battle tactics and fight-writing were very confusing, definitely room for improvement. I don’t think it’s as good as people say, but she writes with the air of someone who will continue to improve. And also, a lesbian author writing lesbian stories so that’s a plus. Overall I enjoyed the experience, this story is definitely worth a read.

Would I read it again: Maybe, but probably not.

Sha Po Lang

Author: Priest

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Originally I rated this one higher, but on later thought I realized that I actually enjoyed Liu Yao more. I personally have issues with the way Priest writes, and this book showed a lot of them. Characters were okay, I did like the main couple, but side characters were weak as usual. The plot is pretty good, though not great, and I think some of the pacing is off. Some descriptions were confusing, but that could be a translation issue. Overall, still a pretty good political drama, but I would say that of the three I read, this was the Priest novel with the least impact on me.

Would I read it again: No. But I will watch the live action if it ever gets made.

Guardian

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I love Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, thought the plot was interesting, and there were some enjoyable moments. But it has all the problems I usually have with Priest in addition to some choices that offend me as a queer reader. I spent about 75% of the time reading while pissed off. And actually the fact that it had a happy ending kinda bummed me out because I love a good tragedy. Overall, I can only give it an average score. If you like Priest, you’ll like this one too. I’m not a tv person but I binged the hell out of the live action, I really loved it, so I was sort of disappointed that the source material didn’t seem as strong as I had assumed.

Would I read it again: No, but I will happily watch the live action again some day.

Jing Wei Qing Shang

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 9.8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have to start off by saying: damn girl. The improvement evident in this book is absolutely insane. A few minor issues prevent me from giving it a 10 out of 10 – her transitions are still extremely abrupt, the ending is slightly weak and some plot points remain unresolved, and her use of narrative repetition is too heavy-handed for my taste. Other than that, this book leaves me almost speechless. Very similar to Female General and Eldest Princess, there are many similar themes and events. But while I thought FGEP was fairly cute, I like this one way better. If you like angst, political intrigue, and lesbians, you should definitely read this book. I have no doubt that Please Don’t Laugh will continue to improve in the future, and I really look forward to following her career.

Would I read it again: 100%, I absolutely intend to read this again sometime in the future. It’s very long and very dense but delightful and ultimately worth it.

Fox Demon Cultivation Manual

Author: Feng Ge Qie Xing

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: This was a delightful romp. I had expected it to be somewhat silly and was pleasantly surprised. It was heavy enough to be engaging but light enough to be an easy read, with multiple spots that made me literally laugh out loud which does not happen often. This is apparently just one book in a series of same universe novels, and a lighter-hearted one at that. I would be interested to read the others because I found the world pretty engaging, and I do want to know what became of the other characters. Overall I found it very fun and very cute, I read it in four days so that says something. On the downside, the link for chapter 9 is broken. But skipping a chapter doesn’t seem to have affected the experience of the novel as a whole.

Would I read it again: Yeah I think I would be willing to read this again someday. If it gets adapted I would also consume adaptations, in addition to being interested in the other connected works.

Golden Stage

Author: Cang Wu Bin Bai

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: This one has some Sha Po Lang vibes, but the characters have more depth and chemistry. The word ‘more’ here is extremely relative because it’s still pretty shallow. I honestly liked them both, I liked the relationship and the psuedo-rude way that they flirt entertained me. As for the plot…ehhhh. It tried. There were things that worked, but in general the plot seemed disjointed from the characters and there were a few things that had no business being there and just muddied the waters. It’s not bad necessarily, it’s just not very smooth. There are better political intrigues to read if that’s what you want. But if you just want some sugar-sweet fluff with a backdrop of drama, then this one is perfect. My favorite scene was probably the flashback to the first few times they met, absolutely fantastic.

Would I read it again: Nah.

Nan Chan

Author: Tang Jiuqing

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: This one is kind of weird because it’s definitely competent, it’s well-written and has a fairly in-depth plot, but I just didn’t really enjoy it all that much? I never got emotionally attached to any of the characters, and I didn’t even really get the relationship buildup. I understand what the author is going for with it of course, but it didn’t necessarily make a lot of sense… Or rather it seems like some bits in the middle were just missing, there’s good buildup in the beginning and in the end but how they got from point A to point B was kind of not explored to my satisfaction. I did really like the flashback to the past, I thought that storyline was all pretty interesting. The big bad was kind of disappointing to me as well though. In general, I think this is a really good book with a lot of skill behind it but it’s just not really my thing.

Would I read it again: No.

#book reviews #Copper Coins #lano reads danmei #lano reads baihe

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touchmycoat · 3 years

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LOL when you said Hero my brain said noooooooooooooo cuz they all died dammit but then you said jmbnh and I perked up considerably :P. That sounds really really cool!!!

YEAH YOU GOT IT LMFAO. i'm gonna try to actually execute this (I hope), so i'm gonna slap the rough first outline under a cut for those who don't want spoilers ;) ;) but you already know where i'm going with this lolololol

Act I: Did you know the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword were lovers?

The Warrior is brought before the Emperor. Upon presenting the broken Cheng Luan sword, he is allowed to approach within 20 paces. "Did you kill him?" "No. Your Venerable Majesty's decree may have been dead or alive, but all warriors on the jianghu know it's the Emperor's wish to kill the Cheng Luan Sword personally." "Very good. Bring him before me." "Your Venerable Majesty, the Cheng Luan Sword Liu Qingge has escaped his bounds and is on the run." "No matter, Your Majesty, he will come here." "Oh? Why is that?" "Because the only two men to have bested him are here, and his sword lies broken between us."

The Emperor laughs, joyous.

"Very good! But Cheng Luan is not all you brought."

Xiu Ya and the broken Xuan Su swords. The Warrior is allowed to approach within 10 paces.

"How did you do it?"

"Did Your Venerable Majesty know the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword are lovers?"

-Red-

We get the heavily saturated story of the Warrior going to the Qiong Ding School of Calligraphy. He begs a character: 心, heart. He does so to figure out the Broken Sword's strength, because swordsmanship is embodied in calligraphy. He also fights side-by-side with Xiu Ya Sword, fending off the Emperor's attempt to be rid of the assassins. He gains enough cred from Shen Qingqiu to beg an audience with both Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan.

There the Warrior tells them that Liu Qingge is dead, and that LQG had been confident that YQY, with whom he'd had a one night stand, will avenge him. It's the Warrior's honor to come challenge YQY now. In a fit of jealous rage, SQQ stabs and kills YQY, then goes to battle the Warrior himself. Distraught by emotions, SQQ falls, and the Warrior walks away the victor.

Back in the Palace, the Emperor listens. He says he did know, yes, that the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword are lovers, but doesn't the Warrior think he's underestimated somebody in this equation? "Whom?" "Me. I've met Yue Qingyuan once, three years ago when he and Shen Qingqiu tried to assassinate me. Even then I could see his complete devotion to SQQ. He would never sleep with anybody else, not if SQQ is still at his side. So everything you said is a lie, except for one thing." "What?" "I think the Cheng Luan sword did know one of you, but I think the one he knew was you."

Act II: I think the Cheng Luan Sword trusted you.

"I think you, Liu Qingge, Shen Qingqiu, and Yue Qingyuan all colluded in order to get you within ten steps of me."

-Blue-

Despite imperial witnesses, Liu Qingge successfully faked his own defeat at the Warrior's blade. The Warrior carried and bound LQG himself. Then the Warrior brings his proposal to SQQ and YQY—he has a killing move as long as he gets within ten steps of the Emperor, so he only needs one of their blood on his hands. SQQ wounds YQY to keep YQY at home and makes himself the sacrifice. YQY does not make it in time to save SQQ but gives the broken Xuan Su to the Warrior anyways, because Xiu Ya and Xuan Su, just like their masters, should always stay together.

"You also gave LQG a way out. All of this is to get within ten steps of me. And now you're here. Tell me, am I wrong?"

"...Only about one thing. Your Majesty has also underestimated somebody."

"Who?"

"The Broken Sword."

Act III: The Broken Sword says you must not be killed.

-White-

Nobody was ever in actual danger. The Warrior did not kill LQG. He also will not kill SQQ or YQY. They only need to fake it for the imperial witnesses.

Only, the Broken Sword says the Emperor must not be killed. Xiu Ya Sword is furious—"You know what he's done to me and my country, yet you let him go three years ago and you'd let him go now. Why?!" But YQY will not say. SQQ vows to help the Warrior and stabs YQY to keep him out of their way.

But as the Warrior heads to the Capital, YQY also gives him Xuan Su. "Do you know why my blade is broken?" "No." "Neither do I. I've never wondered, either, but three years ago, when my blade nicked the Emperor's neck, Xuan Su suddenly sent me a warning."

"A warning about what?"

"A warning that I'll find out. I'll find out what broke my blade if I kill the Emperor, and that's something I want to remain ignorant of no matter the cost. Can you understand that feeling?"

"...Yes, I can."

"Who would have thought, of all the people in the world, it's the Broken Sword who understands me best? You understand it too? Tell me the feeling," the Emperor demands. "What is the thing you don't know, but the thought of knowing it terrifies you?"

"I know I must kill the Emperor," the Warrior states. "I know that he is a tyrant, and he runs a bloody world. I know I must kill him to save us all. What I don't know is why my heart breaks at the thought."

"You know you sound just like a man I used to know," the Emperor sneers. "He too criticized my methods. He too despised me. He too hurt at the thought of hurting me. Do you know why Liu Qingge must die by my hands?"

LQG steps out of the shadows, wounded but ready to kill.

"Because the Cheng Luan Sword took that man from me," the Emperor snarls, pulling his blade.

LQG approaches.

"Pass me Cheng Luan," he tells the Warrior. The Warrior grabs Cheng Luan, but hesitates in the throw. "Shen—!"

The Emperor runs him through. LQG falls dead at their feet. There are less than ten steps between them and the Emperor can kill the Warrior in just as easy a stroke. The Emperor does not.

"Who," the Warrior asks slowly, eyes on the fallen LQG, "is the man you used to know?"

"I don't know."

"I think I do. I think by coming here, I've learned the reason for my heartache."

"I think I have too. I wish you hadn't come. Will you still kill me, Shizun?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. This is something you've always known."

"...Yes, Your Majesty, I will."

The Emperor takes a deep, shaky breath.

"You didn't let Liu Qingge kill me."

"That's because he couldn't have," the Warrior says sadly. "Only I know how to kill you."

"Well I won't let you!" the Emperor snarls, furious. "I'll cut off your arms so you can never wield a sword again and your legs so you can never run again! You've left me once, I won't let you do it again!"

"Binghe."

The Emperor's eyes go wide, then red. He turns on his heel and takes less than ten steps away. His sword is still in the Warrior's hand.

"This character," he says of the scroll hung behind his seat, the one on which YQY has written heart, "holds the secret to his sword. Is that what you said, Shizun?"

"Yes."

"So many people want to kill me, Shizun. I know why. This too is something I've always known," Luo Binghe says quietly. "What's curious is why there is a man who doesn't want me dead, when my own Shizun will suffer heartbreak itself to kill me. Have you figured it out?"

"Not quite."

"May this disciple examine it?"

"...Of course."

He examines the character for a very long time.

"I see it now!" the Emperor exclaims. "As the Broken Sword understands me, I understand him. In my tyranny, I am strong. I am the only person strong enough to keep this country together. As long as I am alive, his world will keep going. His sword, his brush, his heart—it's all one in the same. It's all right here. Destroy one, you destroy the others."

"When you die, he will die too."

"No, Shizun." Luo Binghe's voice is so, so sad. "When I die, his heart will die too. It's the same for this disciple too. Killing me may bring Shizun heartbreak, but it will destroy my heart completely. Shizun, please. Please don't kill me."

"Turn around, Binghe."

When Luo Binghe turns, Shen Yuan has set LQG's corpse on its back and placed Cheng Luan in LQG's hands. His smile for LBH is sad.

"If you hadn't killed Liu Qingge, I really might have spared you," Shen Yuan says, wielding LBH's sword. "But now that he's gone...Binghe, this Master is sorry to have failed you. But I promise, it'll all be fine. The pain will go away quickly."

"Shizun..."

The sword is at LBH's chest. He thinks that even though it's his sword, he doesn't recognize it at all.

Shen Yuan wipes a tear from LBH's face.

"Binghe," he says, lifting the blade, "silly child. I wouldn't have stabbed you from the back."

He sinks the blade into Luo Binghe's heart. Everything shatters.

"Senior Disciple Shen!"

"It's self-destruct!"

"He's killed him! Luo Binghe's killed Senior Disciple Shen!"

Shen Qingqiu's head snaps up to where, in the sky, Shen Yuan's limp body had started to fall. He moves on instinct to go catch Shen Yuan, but he coughs up a violent fit of blood instead, falling back into Yue Qingyuan's arms.

"Xiao Jiu!" There's blood on Yue Qingyuan's lips as well and his face is ashen, but he's clearly been awake for longer than SQQ. "Don't—"

"Save him!" SQQ tries to yell. All of a sudden, a shadow speeds over their heads, catching Shen Yuan's limp body before it could hit the ground.

It's Liu Qingge. He's both furious and panicked. He has the dying Shen Yuan in one arm while in his other arm, he held another body.

"Up," Shen Yuan whispers, fading quickly, "Binghe. Quick, he's waking."

"Take care of yourself first!" Liu Qingge snaps. "I brought the body like you said—"

"Shixiong, please. I promised not to hurt him."

Teeth gritted, LQG launches them all the way up to the center of a miasmic black, where LBH hovers, surrounded by demonic energy. There's an immense blanket of demonic energy lifting from the earth, and people are screaming and running about.

"What's going on?! Where did all this demonic energy come from?!"

"Is he cursing us?!"

"No, no it's going away! Look! Senior Disciple Shen must have done something!"

"Has he saved us?"

LBH's eyes snap open and the first thing he does is attack. LQG just barely blocks the blow with both his arms occupied. There are tears on LBH's face and he's putting out an insane amount of demonic energy. He's screaming as he launches himself at Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan grabs LBH back with the last of his strength, gives LBH a firm but loving shake.

"Binghe!" he demands. "Watch."

LBH freezes and does as he's told. He watches as the last bit of life drains from Shen Yuan's body. He watches as LQG releases Shen Yuan's corpse into his arms. He watches as something goes white at his side, and it's LQG activating an array on the other body.

LBH watches as the pieces of SY's soul find a home again in the second body, which suddenly pulses bright with spiritual power. The body opens its eyes and takes a huge, gasping breath.

"Shen Yuan?" LQG demands to know.

"Shizun...?"

The person in the body lets out a little sigh of relief. He grabs LQG with one hand and LBH with the other.

"See, Binghe?" he chuckles weakly. "I told you it'll all be fine."

He faints.

The full story comes at the end. Shen Jiu still gets taken in and abused by Qiu Jianluo, Yue Qi still binds his life to his sword at Cang Qiong. Only, SJ's first strike against QJL mostly misses, and as QJL approaches SJ in fury, another little houseboy—the one who dusts and sweeps and mops but none of the hard work because he was born with a sickly body—holds out his broom and trips QJL. He means for SJ to get away, but SJ kills QJL instead. SJ still sets the house on fire, but he has no idea if the other houseboy got away.

After reuniting with YQY and entering Cang Qiong as a disciple, SJ is working in the field one day when he stumbles on a Master Shang's Medical Emporium. There's an incredible amount of rare flora and fauna in there, all great for cultivators. Intrigued, SQQ investigates and finds the source of all these goods to be a young man named SY—whom he recognizes. He swears SY to secrecy about his past and takes SY to Qing Jing, first to prevent SY from exposing him, but then they grow close. SY is very clever and knows how to make himself useful to SQQ. His level-headedness earns him a spot by seventeen at SQQ's side as senior disciple.

Flash forward to LBH's arrival on Qing Jing. SQQ is still cold and spiteful and petty, but with SY there, LBH is cared for. SY's older than LBH by what, five years? Takes baby!bing under his wing and mitigates the sour relationship between LBH and SQQ. As a joke (but not really), LBH calls SY "Shizun" in private, and SY gets a real kick out of it.

The thing is, SY is still totally a transmigrator. But just like Shang Qinghua, he transmigrated into a baby's body and basically had a whole other life in this world. Seventeen, eighteen years is a very long time to remember a novel you read a lifetime ago. While SQH's life changed, SQH's only a minor character—plus that's the author! Maybe he gets special privileges, while nobody else is allowed to influence the plot in a major way. Scared of potential repercussions, SY trains LBH and gives LBH as many resources on Qing Jing as he can, but does not tell LBH about the upcoming Abyss.

So SQQ still ends up kicking LBH into the Abyss. SY is filled with incredible regret. The relationship between him and SQQ go kind of awry too, but it's still mostly okay because SY knows LBH is not actually dead.

Just to level the playing field though, SY also doesn't tell SQQ that LBH is going to come back for revenge.

All this while, SY and LQG get to meet and become really good friends. Out of friendship comes love—they both crush on each other in a way that's super obvious to everybody else. SY isn't actually a very strong cultivator, but he is a voracious scholar (cough nerd cough) and hunts/forages a lot of wild stuff. LQG accompanies him every time.

Thanks to SY's training, LBH comes back from the Abyss a lot earlier than SY and SQH expected. LBH seeks out SY, but bad timing has him overhearing SY talk about how LBH dying at the Abyss was for the best—LBH assumes it's bc of his demon bloodline, but SY is really just placating other characters. On top of that, LBH finds SY and LQG all couply and lovey-dovey. LBH runs off.

Because why??? Why does everyone he cares about leave him, why does the entire world want him dead??? Even Shen-shixiong, somebody who cared for him, betrays him in the end. SQQ also gets word of LBH's return at around the same time and comes to hunt him down. In classic SQQ fashion, he only makes shit worse for Binghe, and LBH starts using Xin Mo like crazy.

When they get the word, YQY, SY, and LQG go running. SY learns about LBH being taken over by Xin Mo and asks LQG for a favor—go to my hidden lil mushroom grove and grab my spare body for me please? See, SY's physical ailments had him researching ways to clone himself and put himself in a better body. It's untested, but probably successful!! SY sends LQG to go get the body while himself and YQY and SQQ confront LBH.

During the battle, SQQ gets himself seriously wounded to protect Qi-ge. In a fit of fury, YQY unsheathes half of Xuan Su. LBH goes crazier as a response, and SY throws himself on the sword to save LBH from being eaten up by Xin Mo's power.

Believing he's killed the love of his life, LBH blue-screens. Unconsciously, he activates one of the most powerful skills the Dream Demon's taught him—Waking Dream. He plunges the entire mountain into a dream world of his own making. The world freezes, and everybody gets trapped inside LBH's world. They have no memory of this being a dream, but the few of the most powerful cultivators—LQG, SQQ, and YQY—plus the heart of the dream, SY, all manage to retain one critical piece of information.

As long as the owner of the dream dies, they can all be freed.

So in the dream, LBH becomes the Emperor, wielding all his forces to retain his power over his dream country. LQG, SQQ, YQY, and SY become assassins, all scheming to kill him.

YQY came the closest. He only has half of Xuan Su because Xuan Su is fundamentally bound to his life—half of the sword stayed outside in the real world with his body. Inside the dream, YQY and SQQ got to be lovers for years, and SQQ did not hate him. Upon sensing the boundaries of the dream, YQY could not bring himself to kill LBH and shatter the beautiful mirage.

If you die inside the dream, you die in real life—with one exception. If it's the owner of the dream who kills you, you get to go free.

That's what happened with LQG. LQG was still en route with the body, and SY didn't know if he'd make it. So SY was honest in the dream—had LQG remained in the dream with them, SY might really have allowed his baby bing to keep the dream going. He didn't want to hurt LBH with his own death. However, with LQG out of the dream, he knows LQG will probably make it on time with the body to save him. So he kills LBH and gets them all out.

The last scene is qijiu. SQQ is bed-bound. Nobody else has retained memories of the dream, only faint impressions. Only he and YQY know what happened.

SQQ demands to know why YQY refused to kill LBH. YQY explains, and the truth about Xuan Su also comes out. Happy ending happy ending.

SY of course survives. He gets a cool new body and apologizes sincerely for letting LBH get pushed into the Abyss. The plot has obviously changed in a major way already, and whatever happens from now on will just happen, it's fine. And LBH and LQG, his two favorite people in the world, will just have to get along. They'll all be best buds together hahahahahaha.

#hero AU #svsss #jesus christ this got long lkjfnlaksdjf #sv #but i think it works pretty darn well!!!!!#anon

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lollie2479 · 4 years

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Falling for the enemy - Part 1

Reggie Kray x reader

Summary : You were with the Richardsons but you fell for Reggie Kray. You need to chose between your family or the handsome gangster that has your heart.

Warning : Swearing, violence and mention of blood.

A/n : I recently watched Legend and I love Reggie so much. It wasn’t supposed to be in different parts but I had too much to write so I decided to create a longer story divided in different parts. I already started writing the second part. Hope you like it!

I’ve been absent lately being too busy with school, work and everything but I missed writing so here I am. I might start writing more often so send requests.

Part 2 Part 3

——————————————————————————————————

Your father was a member of the Richardsons so ever since you were a child, these men were your family. When your father died, Charlie took you under his wing and raised you like you were his own daughter. He taught you how to fight and how to shoot. He needed to make sure that you were able to defend yourself in any situation. Pretty soon, you became the best and nobody could beat you.

“Don’t worry pretty girl, I won’t hurt you.’’ The blonde man said chuckling while his eyes kept staring at your breasts. You walked slowly towards him, a grin on your face. His eyes locked with yours and before he could say anything else, your fist collided with his jaw sending him to the floor. You smiled and got down on one knee next to him. Your mouth was close to his ear and you whispered to him. “Don’t ever call me pretty girl again.’’ You heard clapping coming from behind you which made you turn around. Charlie was standing there with admiration in his eyes. You were his secret weapon, nobody knew about your existence. You were his best one and he made sure to keep you for himself. “Look at you, he smiled coming closer to you, you are still unbeatable.’’ Before you could respond, one of the members of the gang barged into the room with a bloody face. ‘‘Who did this?’’ Charlie asked already knowing the answer to his question. The man spat the blood he had in his mouth. He only said one word : Kray.

The next morning, Charlie called a meeting to talk about what they should to about the twin brothers. They were a gang on the other side of the river and since the beginning of time, the Richardsons and the Krays fought each other to get London all to themselves. You never met them but you heard a lot of things about them from the other members. You knew that they ruled the East End where they owned many clubs and that you didn’t want to be on their bad side because they were violent. “We need to do something boss.’’ A man said out loud which brought your attention back to the meeting. Another one spoke up. “Yeah, we need to go to their club and get revenge.’’ You were standing in the corner listening to everything that was happening in front of you. “Maybe it’s time that Y/n gets involve and shows them who the Richardsons are.’’ Charlie immediately turned around, his eyes landing on you. You gave him a small smile and nodded your head. He knew you were ready but he didn’t want to use his best asset just yet because if it didn’t work, he would have revealed you for nothing and you were his best chance at winning against the Krays. He took a puff of his cigarette before throwing it onto the floor and stepping on it. You could read in his face that he didn’t know what to do so you decided not to say anything and to let him decide of your fate. He chose not to send you yet and instead he sent his men which was a bad choice because everyday of the following week they would come back all beaten and bloody. “Don’t you think it’s time? They won’t survive if you keep sending them and soon enough, we’re going to lose.’’ He brought his cigarette close to his mouth. “Don’t you think that I fucking know that Y/n’’ he said while taking a long puff. You stood up angry. You were never going to win if he kept you hidden behind these walls. “Then why don’t you let me take care of it. You always say that you are keeping me as a last resort, well right now, I don’t think that you have any other choice.’’ He took another puff of his cigarette before letting out a small “Fine’’ under his breath.

You spent the next three days working on a plan. You knew how to get close to the twins since they had no idea that you even existed but you had to find a place where you could meet them without being suspicious. You had your men following them so you could get as much informations about where they would be and what they were doing. You learned that they would be at their casino, Esmeralda’s Barn, on Friday night so you decided that it was your best option. It would be easier for you to blend in and get as close as possible to the Krays.

It was finally the night of the casino and you were excited to go out even if it was only for business. You put on a red dress that showed some cleavage and that hugged your curves in all the right places. It had a slit on the left that ended in the middle of your thigh making your leg and your shoes visible. You wore red heels that matched your dress and the lipstick you applied to your lips. You tied your hair into a low bun and put on some earrings. You were proud of your appearance. You made sure that everything was in place before going downstairs where everybody was waiting for you. When you got there, you could hear whistling coming from the back. They all had their eyes glued on your figure. Charlie approached you and placed his hand on your back. “You look ravishing Y/n. Now, go on and make us proud.’’ You kissed his cheek and took the arm of the gangster that was driving you to the event.

When you arrived, he opened your door and gave you a hand to help you step out of the vehicle. You locked your arm around his and made your way inside. “Where are they?’’ The man accompanying you locked his eyes on Reggie Kray and you followed his glare. Your eyes fell on the handsome man that was sitting at a poker table. You had seen pictures of Reg before but they were bad ones that didn’t show his beauty. He was playing with the coins he had in front of him while his other hand went to his slick hair trying to smooth it out perfectly. He was wearing a black suit, a bow tie and a white shirt that was tucked in his pants. His attire fitted his muscular body perfectly. “So, what’s the plan?’’ You turned rapidly towards the man that held your arm close to his. “I,hum, think that,hum,I’’, you lost your words completely when your eyes found Reggie once again. You turned around so you could stop staring at him and focus on the plan. “I’m gonna get close to Reggie and try to gain his trust. During that time, try to find Ron.’’ He nodded and the both of you went into separate directions. He was heading for the bar while you were making your ways towards Reggie Kray. You walked slowly so that he would notice you and he did. His blue eyes fell on you and you could feel your heart beating faster as they watched every move your body made while you were walking. He watched the way your hips swayed at every step you took and how the dress hugged your curves. How the slit would open making your leg apparent. How the hair falling from your bun would bounce and so would your breast. He watched every single detail of you and his eyes kept following you until you were sitting across from him at the table. Even then, Reggie didn’t look away. His stare created a fire inside your chest and you wanted throw yourself at him but you couldn’t. “Don’t think we had the pleasure to meet, right?’’ He lifted his brow trying to figure out if he had seen you somewhere before but he knew that he wouldn’t forget someone as beautiful as you. You smiled flirtatiously at him “Y/n’’. He smirked ‘’Reggie.’’ Your eyes dropped to the coins in front of you but you could still feel his eyes on you. When you lifted your head up, he gave you a wink which gave you goosebumps. You stayed and played until you knew that he would follow you if you went anywhere else. “It was nice playing with you all.’’ You smiled while locking eyes with Reggie and stood up. You turned around and started walking towards another table when you felt someone behind you. You turned around quickly which caused Reggie to bump into you. You lost your balance and were ready to fall on the ground but he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him and preventing your fall. You tried to get yourself steady by placing one hand on his chest and the other one on the shoulder of the arm he still had wrapped around you. He took his free hand and removed the strand of hair that was falling from your bun into your face, gently placing it behind your ear. Your eyes were locked with his and everything around you disappeared. His face was getting closer to yours and it started to be harder to breathe. His nose was now touching yours and before you two could kiss, someone called out for Reggie. His head dropped and a growl escaped his beautiful lips. He turned around facing the man that was standing behind him. “Don’t you fucking see that I’m entertaining the lady.’’ The unknown man looked embarrassed but he had to let the boss know about something important. “It better be fast mate. I have other things to take care of’’ he said looking at you. Reggie turned around, placing his hand on your hips. “Don’t go far because I intend to finish what we started, alright?’’ You lifted yourself on your toes and kissed his cheek. “Promise, I’ll stay close.’’ He chuckled softly before turning around and leaving you alone.

You tried to find your accomplice in the packed room but there were too many people blocking your view so you decided to walk towards the bar, hoping he was still there. You didn’t find him but instead you found the other half to your handsome twin, Ronnie, staring at you. He looked like Reggie but you could still see the difference between them. Ronnie wore glasses and the way his suit fell on his body wasn’t the same as his brother. His face seemed larger and harder. You knew by looking at him that you shouldn’t get on his bad side because it could get ugly real fast. You sat next to him on a stool and waved at the bartender to bring you a beer. When he laid the cold beverage in front of you, you heard chuckles coming from the man sitting next to you. “How does a pretty lady right like yourself right takes such a manly drink.’’ You rolled your eyes at his comment before taking a sip. The liquid went down you throat and you smiled. You were raised by men around boys only so you often found yourself liking manly things one of them being beer. “I just love it what can I say.’’ You shrugged raising your shoulders before taking another sip. The corner of his lips raised a little in what appeared to be a smile but his face turned hard once again. “What’s your name?’’ he asked scanning your face, trying to find if he had seen you somewhere before but like his twin, he couldn’t find anything. You took another sip. “Don’t think we met, I’m Y/n’’ you told him slightly smiling. “Ronnie.’’ He brought his cigar close to his lips before taking a long breath and slowly releasing the smoke he held in his mouth. “What brings you here?’’ he asked his eyes not leaving your sight. You took yet another sip of your delicious drink. “I heard a lot about this place and thought I shall try it and see for myself.’’ He nodded at your answer. “What to do you think so far?’’ You smiled. “I love it.’’ He raised his glass in front of you and you slightly knocked the two glasses with each other. He liked the answers you had for him.

Before he could ask you anything else, the door opened violently and Charlie's men barged in. You froze and tried avoiding eye contact with any one of them not wanting your identity to be revealed. You were just starting to get close to the Kray brothers and you had a lot more digging to do before going back to your gang. Ronnie grabbed your wrist with his large hand that swallowed it completely and pulled you close to him bringing you back to reality. Normally, he didn’t like woman and he hated them even more if they were after his brother but something was different with you and he couldn’t figure out why but he liked you. He approached his lips to your ear. “You see the door back there yeah?’’ You looked around trying to find it in all the chaos. When your eyes landed on it, you brought your head close to Ronnie once again and nodded. “It leads to the kitchen and the backstore. On your right, you’ll find another door. You take it yeah and you’re outside. Understood?’’ You nodded once again. “Thank you.’’ He released your wrist and you started making your way towards the door, avoiding anyone that was in your way. You pushed it and sneaked your body into the kitchen. You went to the right as quick as possible so that nobody could see you leaving. You pushed the other door and you were met with the cold air of the night. You brought your arms close to you so that you could try to get yourself warm. Your eyes were searching for a familiar face outside and they landed on Charlie. You ran to him. “What is your fucking problem!? I was handling it!’’ You slapped his cheek in anger. He sent you a death glare. “Yeah, by wanting to fuck them? That’s what you call handling it, Y/n, yeah, that’s not really it.’’ You gasped. What had he heard? You had to pretend that it was for the mission and not because your heart was screaming Reggie’s name. “If i want to get as close as possible to them, I have to do it that way. Otherwise, they won’t trust me and I won’t learn anything to bring them down.’’ He sighed, believing you. “Get into the car, I’m driving you home.’’ You opened the door and sat in the back. The ride was silent which was nice because you didn’t feel like talking. Reggie made his way in your thoughts and you couldn’t think about anything else. You couldn’t let yourself fall for the enemy, you had to fight the urge to be close to him but even with your best efforts, you couldn’t get yourself to forget about him. What the fuck were you going to do...?

#reggie kray #kray twins #reggie kray imagine #reggie kray x reader #Tom Hardy #tom hardy imagine

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suf-lives-rent-free · 3 years

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Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t. I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always. The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too. In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this. Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it. I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad. Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place. I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling. I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no. Nah. That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer. I’m just a passive consumer of media. However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer. I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad. I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing. Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes. He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him. In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia. I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen). He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt. And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away. He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point. In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence. And it traumatises him.

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis.

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically. Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails. But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond. This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder).

He sees their grief, and he feels awful. He questions who Rose Quartz even was. He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth. But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times. When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening. When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby. When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does. If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother. And she didn’t even kill anyone. It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series. And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot. Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper. Y’know. The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset. No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes. It was an accident. He did bring her back to life. But it still happened. If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me. They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter). To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character. It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah. That particular writing decision just does not work for me. And if you disagree... well that’s fine? It’s fine. We can agree to disagree? I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

#steven universe #steven universe future #negativity #cw death

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, April 19

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover

Page 2: Michael Douglas' short-term memory loss and frail frame have wife Catherine Zeta-Jones fearing for her older husband's well-being -- Michael once declared he'd beaten oral cancer, but harsh chemotherapy and radiation treatments have left him a shell of his former self and he has even admitted to suffering memory problems -- he was also affected by the 2020 death of his father Kirk Douglas and he hasn't been the same since his dad died -- this is a guy who cheated death with a horrific cancer ordeal, and he's had other medical issues over the years and some serious domestic dramas that have taken their toll -- Catherine always knew that their age difference would mean her taking care of him one day but she didn't expect it to be so soon

Page 3: Reese Witherspoon has ditched her wedding ring during recent outings, sparking rumors her marriage to Jim Toth is on the ropes but she feels their relationship isn't down for the count and refuses to give up the fight to keep their family together but they may not make it -- the desire to make things work is still there on both sides and they've been able to pull it all together all these years, even with personalities as different as theirs mainly for the sake of their family and they got on each other's nerves while cooped up together during the pandemic, but they don't bicker in public and that's one thing they have going for them

Page 4: Ryan Seacrest creeped out his pals when he gushed over Maria Menounos when she sat in for Kelly Ripa on Live recently -- Ryan thinks Maria is the smartest, most talented and beautiful woman to walk the planet and he can't help but swoon over her but Ryan understands Maria is happily married to TV writer and producer Keven Underago and he'd never cross the line and he doesn't want to date Maria, but he makes no secret he'd be dancing on air to have someone like her, which is kind of creepy, but he can't help it -- Ryan would never make moves on someone else's girl, but he does try to imitate her husband Keven's qualities like how funny and creative and sensible he is and Ryan adores Kelly and thinks she's great but he wouldn't mind if she takes more time off just so he can gaze at Maria

* Miley Cyrus' recent boozy night out with party pals, including British punk rocker Yungblud, has loved ones fearing she's slipping back into dangerous territory -- she was spotted at Hollywood's famous Rainbow Bar & Grill, drinking shots and beer chasers, just months after she admitted to her struggles with addiction and after fellow addiction-challenged singer Demi Lovato announced she was California sober, claiming she was safely able to drink in moderation, Miley didn't see any reason why she couldn't do the same -- her family and sober friends are deeply concerned for Miley's well-being and are begging her to stop drinking now

Page 5: Newly robust Celine Dion has her health back on track following a dangerous few years where she looked like a walking skeleton -- she has beefed up her wraith-like frame by making healthier choices during lockdown -- she went through a rough time of transition after husband Rene Angelil's death and lost a lot of weight, but lockdown has given her a chance to rest and focus on taking care of herself and now she looks 15 to 20 pounds heavier and seems in good spirits and is looking forward to rebooting her Courage World Tour when the pandemic ends

Page 6: Fitness fanatic Tim McGraw is a changed man since he kicked the bottle in 2008, but he's now hooked on working out and sculpting the perfect bod and he's publicly admitted exercise is what gets him flying high but his quest to get ripped to the max is now a 24/7 obsession and he spends hours in the gym and he's already flexing a muscular body most men would die for, but he doesn't want to stop until he's an Adonis and he works out twice or three times a day and packs his diet with energy-boosting smoothies and veggie juices and some might say he's going overboard with the workouts, but Tim craves those feel-good endorphins and he considers his workouts to be fun -- he loves the way he looks and thinks he can do better and he does spend a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring himself and tends to wear tight T-shirts that show off his pecs and six-pack abs, and wife Faith Hill loves the results -- a lot of people say he's traded one addiction for another

Page 7: Nearly six years after their bitter divorce, Miranda Lambert has finally extended an olive branch to ex-husband Blake Shelton, but she's still pretty envious over his professional success with fiancee Gwen Stefani -- last year, Blake and Gwen took home the collaborative video prize at the Country Music Television Awards for their duet Nobody but You, and also scored a Top Ten hit with their single Happy Anywhere and it makes Miranda jealous to see Blake making hay on the charts with Gwen but their success also made Miranda recall Over You, her hit collaboration with Blake, which won Song of the Year at the 2012 Country Music Association Awards and during a recent interview, Miranda affectionately blew kisses toward the camera as she recounted how her ballad with Blake was inspired by his grief over the loss of his older brother; still, Miranda also harbors a competitive streak and said she's angling to transform herself and husband Brendan McLoughlin into entertainment movers and shakers just like Blake and Gwen -- Miranda plans to enroll Brendan in acting school and Miranda wants them to act together and they are looking for scripts to make a television movie and even planning to launch a production company in Nashville and Miranda recognizes the musical chemistry Blake and Gwen share, and she believes she and Brendan can match that success on-screen -- meanwhile, as Blake and Gwen prepare to wed, Miranda is finally in a place where she can wish them well and Miranda carried a lot of animosity toward Blake and Gwen, especially since she suspected they started something before she and Blake split up, but she's very happy with Brendan so maybe all that pain she and Blake went through in ending their marriage was for the best

* Reba McEntire is reaching out to save her friend and former daughter-in-law Kelly Clarkson from suffering through a divorce that eerily mirrors Reba's own breakup -- Kelly split from husband and manager Brandon Blackstock in June 2020, and the divorce battle has them fighting over custody of their two kids as well as Brandon suing her for $1.4 million in unpaid commissions, but Reba has seen this before: Brandon's dad, Narvel Blackstock, dumped her in 2015 after 26 years of marriage, and despite initially agreeing to continue as her manager, dumped her as a client weeks later and Reba knows all too well how petty and conniving Narvel and Brandon can be, and her heart goes out to Kelly -- Kelly admits to Reba there are times when she just wants to run away and hide and Reba tells her to run away to me and it means the world to Kelly to have Reba in her corner -- Narvel and son Brandon head Starstruck Entertainment and are adamant that Kelly owes them big bucks for helping her land both her talk show and a coaching spot on The Voice, but with Reba's help, Kelly is fighting back and Reba learned the hard way the pitfalls of mixing business with family life and she's trying to help Kelly because she hates to see another woman suffer at the hands of a Blackstock

Page 8: Sicko Jeffrey Epstein has been accused of a horrific new litany of abuse by a woman who claims he forced her into unwanted genital surgery, raped her in front of her child and threatened to feed her to alligators -- the woman, identified in court papers as Jane Doe, is suing the late pervert's estate, claiming he and his alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell, groomed her for their sordid pleasure -- in the suit, she claims Epstein drove her to pick up her 8-year-old son and took them to a lake, where he threatened to feed her to alligators, as had happened to other girls in the past, if she dared to squeal on him -- at the time, the woman said she was 26, but she looked much younger and Epstein told her to say she was 17 and he also arranged for a man with a Russian accent to perform an unnecessary vaginal surgery to pass her off as a virgin to a client and this violent and illegal procedure was botched, leaving her mutilated, in pain, disabled, and permanently sexually dysfunctional

Page 9: Ghislaine Maxwell has been slapped with yet another sex trafficking charge and it's got her former pal Prince Andrew sweating bullets -- the new indictment details how Jeffrey Epstein's alleged madam reportedly groomed a 14-year-old for him, but crucially for Andrew, it expands the time frame of Ghislaine's alleged crimes from 1994 to 2004, a span that includes her meeting the British royal in 1999 and then introducing him to Epstein and that time frame also includes the period in which "sex slave" Virginia Roberts Giuffre claims she slept with Andrew three times, charges he's denied -- the new charge also opens the floodgates on other celebrities, politicians and high-profile figures who were in Epstein's orbit at the time and the new indictment widens the pool for Ghislaine and her defense attorneys because who wouldn't want to bring down all of these fat cats and who wouldn't be that desperate?

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Rumer Willis got to the root of her gardening needs in L.A., Michael B. Jordan and Chante Adams got cozy as they shared a snack while shooting Journal for Jordan in NYC's Central Park, Heidi Klum in L.A., Mario Lopez tossed the ceremonial first dice roll at the opening of the Mohegan Sun Casino in Las Vegas, Christopher Meloni shot his onscreen spouse's funeral scene for Law & Order: Organized Crime

Page 11: Tony Bennett has a secret weapon in his fight against Alzheimer's disease: his close pal and collaborator Lady Gaga -- Susan Crow Benedetto, 54, the wife of the 94-year-old singing legend, has enlisted Gaga to help keep Tony's faculties sharp as he struggles with advancing dementia because Gaga's telephone calls have always helped cheer Tony up and keep him focused and they laugh together, reminisce and sometimes sing and it always puts a smile on Tony's face and it's great therapy -- when asked whether Tony still recognizes the pop star, Susan joked that Gaga is hard to forget -- Gaga has also played a critical role in keeping the aging crooner active and creative by working with him and they plan to release their second album of duets this spring as a follow-up to their 2014 smash hit Cheek to Cheek

* Worried friends feared ailing rock god Ozzy Osbourne is coming unstrung while wife Sharon Osbourne's career goes into a death spiral -- Ozzy has been plagued by crippling illnesses over the years, including Parkinson's disease, and has to walk with the aid of a cane and now he's at wit's end and pushing himself into a danger zone as his wife fights tooth and nail after leaving The Talk amid a racism scandal and Ozzy's been under a great deal of distress over Sharon's problems over at The Talk and he worries and fusses over her and can't focus on anything else and it's left many in his circle very concerned for his health which is fragile enough already -- the bashing Sharon received during the scandal has the aging rocker concerned she may never work again and he'll have to be the breadwinner

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- five years after Angelina Jolie filed for divorce, she's still battling Brad Pitt over custody of their five youngest kids, now she's filed new court documents claiming she has proof of domestic violence against Brad and accusations like these would kill anyone else's career, but not in this case: Hollywood is 100 percent behind Brad and the sense in the industry is Angelina has weaponized the kids against Brad but Brad is very well respected in Hollywood, and most people find these new allegations hard to believe and if anything, Angie is only hurting the children and herself

* Real Housewives stars featured in the upcoming spinoff are cashing in and Bravo will pay Luann de Lesseps, Teresa Giudice and the others a sweet $200,000 for one week's work in Turks and Caicos and that's more than double what the ladies usually get for filming, plus they get a free trip to a tropical island

* American Idol could be on the chopping block because in just seven weeks the show has lost 2 million viewers and it's simple math: Idol cannot survive with its current budget and ABC has two options which are cancel the show or cut costs, which would mean hiring cheaper judges and a cheaper host to replace Ryan Seacrest and both options are being explored

* Britney Spears' beau, personal trainer Sam Asghari, shows off his toned abs in L.A. (picture)

Page 13: Palace insiders fear Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's vendetta against the British monarchy will take a shocking new turn: they'll bankroll a lurid movie about Princess Diana's death and the conspiracy theories that suggest the royal family was involved -- the rights to the movie script are owned by Hollywood producer Ben Browning, who was just hired by Harry and Meghan to run their film company Archewell Productions -- the controversial movie centers on Princess Diana's lover Dodi Fayed's father, former Harrods' boss Mohamed Al-Fayed, investigating his son's death and his belief that Dodi and Diana were murdered because she was pregnant and planning to marry, and The Firm did not want a Muslim in the royal family

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Alabama Shakes drummer Steve Johnson has been busted on charges of willful torture and abuse of a child and was also charged with cruelly beating or otherwise maltreating a child under the age of 18 -- his arrest came just a year after he was slapped with a one-year suspended sentence and two years' probation after pleading guilty to menacing his ex-wife Whitney Lee, who called him mentally unstable -- Johnson helped the Shakes score three Grammys in 2016 for their album Sound & Color but the band has been on hiatus since singer Brittany Howard started a solo career in 2018 and Steve was lost after that; he went from playing in front of 50,000 people to playing in bars again -- even if the Shakes reunite, it's highly unlikely Steve would be invited back -- Steve remains in county jail awaiting his court date and his attorneys said Mr. Johnson maintains his innocence

* Danny Masterson and his lawyers believe they are victims of anti-Scientology bias and cannot get a fair trial in his Los Angeles rape case -- celebrity attorney Tom Mesereau, who successfully defended Michael Jackson against child molestation charges two decades ago, claimed his client has been treated unfairly because of his ties to the church, and that the police or district attorney's office leaked damaging details of the case -- Danny and his lawyers feel persecuted and that everybody in Hollywood who isn't a Scientologist is after them -- LAPD Robbery and Homicide Division Capt. Jonathan Tippet said his organization is keeping a tight lid on all information surrounding the case to ensure Masterson gets a fair trial

Page 16: Mormon church officials are being accused of corporate greed for using members' charitable donations to secretly create a $100 billion tax-free fund -- James Huntsman, the son of a prominent Mormon family, is suing the church for fraud, claiming donations solicited to finance charity work were actually used to fill church coffers -- the church boasts at least 15 million members worldwide, including celebrities like Gladys Knight, Donny and Marie Osmond, Katherine Heigl, Julianne Hough, Christina Aguilera, Ryan Gosling, Amy Adams and Aaron Eckhart and many could have tithed money that ended up in the tax-free fund

Page 17: Jen Shah of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was recently fingered by the feds as the bogus businesswoman behind a multi-state fraud scheme dating back to 2012 -- the Bravo blowhard, known for her extravagant parties, designer outfits and extensive entourage, and her first assistant Stuart Smith were arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering -- the U.S. Justice Department alleged the Park City resident and Smith of Lehi generated and sold lead lists of innocent individuals for other members of their scheme to repeatedly scam, and claimed the greedy creeps defrauded hundreds of victims -- the terrible twosome targeted older adults and computer illiterate folks by using both telemarketing and in-person sales teams to peddle nonexistent online services and then fight the refund efforts of wronged consumers -- if convicted, Shah and Smith each face up to 50 years behind bars

Page 18: American Life

Page 20: L.A. County Sheriff Alex Villanueva triggered a cover-up scandal when he revealed his investigators determined why Tiger Woods drove off a California cliff, then refused to explain what happened, citing the golf legend's privacy -- Villanueva said the black box in the Genesis SUV that Tiger was driving when he flew off a suburban L.A. highway in the early morning helped determine the cause

* Hollywood Hookups -- Bethenny Frankel and Paul Bernon engaged, Melissa and Joe Gorga appear to have reached the finale of their marriage, Fernanda Flores and professional boxes Noel Mikaelian dating

Page 21: Britney Spears said she broke into tears after seeing bits of the new documentary about how she has been in the grips of a conservatorship for years, saying she was embarrassed by the light they put her in and she cried for two weeks and still cries sometimes

* Generous Hollywood legend Dick Van Dyke put a happy face on job seekers in Malibu when he handed out fistfuls of cash -- Dick was spotted withdrawing bills from a bank before driving to the Malibu Community Labor Exchange, a nonprofit that helps unemployed locals find day jobs and he stayed in his car as he handed out money to masked folks who were lined up to look for work

Page 22: The late Aretha Franklin left behind a royal mess of paperwork, including a newly discovered fourth will that has thrown her $80 million estate into fresh turmoil -- the eight-page document, titled The Will of Aretha Franklin, was apparently drawn up not long before her death in 2018, and was recently found among the files of the singer's onetime attorney Henry Grix along with the paperwork describing the terms of a trust but both items are stamped draft and neither has Aretha's signature but Michigan law changed seven years ago, and it made the admissibility of a document like this more flexible -- currently there's a bitter beef among Aretha's four adult sons over how their mother's assets should be divided

Page 23: The battle over Prince's $300 million fortune rages on, and the late pop star's siblings, and legal heirs, fear there won't be anything left after lawyers, accountants, administrators and the IRS take their cut -- five years after he died from a fatal fentanyl overdose without leaving a will, an avalanche of deals and court hearings have left his massive cash stash in limbo -- sadly Prince's distrust of lawyers and other professionals now means that millions will be spent paying those same people to try to sort out the mess he left behind and this could go on for a decade

Page 26: Weird Body Language -- stars cope with bizarre deformities -- Denzel Washington, Steven Tyler, Ashton Kutcher, Matthew Perry

Page 27: Lily Allen, Mark Wahlberg, Karolina Kurkova, Scar Service -- Tina Fey, Padma Lakshmi, Joaquin Phoenix

Page 32: Health Watch

* Ask the Vet -- Watch out for xylitol

Page 34: Just months after John Travolta's beloved wife, Kelly Preston, passed, the actor has been shattered by another death in the family -- his nephew Sam Travolta's badly decomposed body was found in his Wisconsin apartment last September, weeks after he died from a suspected heart attack -- John has suffered through so much loss and Sam's death was another huge blow but he's strong and has a deep faith in Scientology and the church brings him solace and comfort

Page 36: Shark Tank star Barbara Corcoran has stepped up to get a tenant in one of her buildings back on his feet -- Barbara and building co-owner Alex Rodriguez came under fire after Ryo Nagaoka's possessions were reportedly tossed while he was hospitalized with COVID-19 and when Ryo got home he found only his piano and pet tortoise in his cleaned-out crib -- emptying Ryo's apartment was necessary because it had become a health hazard and had a biocleaning crew scrub it -- Barbara donated $12,000 to a GoFundMe page for him, while A-Rod has seemingly not yet contributed anything and Barbara also said the building's management company has renovated Ryo's apartment

Page 38: Beloved game show host Peter Marshall made a miraculous recovery from COVID-19 to celebrate with friends at his 95th birthday party -- Peter was in and out of the hospital for ten weeks and he was at death's door and doctors didn't give him much of a chance but Peter beat the odds to enjoy a Zoom party attended online by Leslie Uggams, Loni Anderson, Sandy Duncan, Ruta Lee, Karen Valentine, Rich Little, JoAnne Worley, Jack Jones and more

* Accused sex freak Armie Hammer's career is in the crapper and he's beginning to believe that's where it will stay -- the kink king was fired from the thriller Billion Dollar Spy amid sexual assault allegations and the release of social media messages claiming he has dark fetishes including cannibalism -- Armie has already gotten to boot from the movie Shotgun Wedding and the series The Offer, and more trouble may be on the horizon: Armie was accused of sexual assault by a woman called Effie, who alleged the actor violently raped her and Armie's attorneys issued a statement denying the claims, saying Effie's own correspondence with Mr. Hammer undermines and refutes her outrageous allegations -- Armie has been keeping a low profile at a Caribbean resort, but fears his entire career is in trouble

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Carrie Underwood

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