#but to this day i know what hcl smells like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kywaslost · 1 year

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I hope I'm not breaking any boundries or rules with this request : )

If I am please tell me or edit out what makes you uncomfy

Tbh I just want Deku, Bakugou and kiri with a new transfer student who is super intelligent and can secrete chromyl Chloride from their skin. Chromyl Chloride is a really fun chemical because it explodes in water and it's highly corrosive whatever that means. PLEASE RESEARCH this!! I don't know much either!!

Reader Has a Chromyl Chloride Quirk - Izuku, Bakugou, and Kirishima

A/N: Hello!! You aren’t crossing any boundaries in the slightest, and I love researching chemistry related topics!! Also, I made these hcs since it’s more than 1 character. I hope that’s alright! General information on chromyl chloride can be found below and I’ve gathered it all from several sources.

Chromyl chloride: CrO2Cl2; consists of hydrochloric acid, oxide, and chromium; appears as a dark red fuming liquid, has a pungent smell, and corrosive to tissue; oxidizes internal alkenes (a type of element) to alpha-chloro ketones or related derivatives; used as an oxidizing agent; repeated or prolonged contact with skin may cause dermatitis; ingestion would cause severe internal damage; when in contact with water it forms chromic acid and hydrochloric acid.

Chromic acid is a weak acid, but if it comes into contact with the skin it may cause skin ulcers. When in contact with the eyes, chromic acid can severely irritate and burn the skin and eyes and possibly cause eye damage. On the other hand, hydrochloric acid (HCl) exposure in low concentrations can cause erythema (superficial reddening of the skin) and inflammation on the skin. High concentrations of HCl may cause severe chemical burns to the skin and mucous membranes.

Izuku

As someone who loves to study quirks heroes, your quirk excited Izuku so much

You were a transfer student from Shiketsu. Even with the high amount of villain attacks on UA, you still thought it’d be safer there living on campus than commuting to Shiketsu every day

Izuku was the first person to introduce himself, and he offered to show you around and introduce you to his friends

He learns that you’re really intelligent in a lot of different subjects

Especially chemistry, due to your quirk

You explained that your skin secretes chromyl chloride, so very similar to Mina’s quirk but with its own twist

He gets nervous when he realizes that prolonged contact with your skin, when your quirk is activated, could cause issues with his own skin

But he immediately gets super excited when you show him what happens when your quirk comes into contact with water

So in reality, you can produce three different chemicals: CrO2Cl2, HCl, and H2CrO2

A weak acid, a very strong acid, and chromyl chloride

So you can deal some serious damage

Immediately comes up with fighting techniques for you

Deku explains how you’d make a fantastic interrogator since your quirk can cause damage to human tissues

Asks you to help him with his chemistry homework since you know a lot about it due to your quirk

Bakugou

Bakugou was stuck showing you around UA during your first day of classes as a transfer student

Is paired with you during your quirk studies class where you had to write a report about your partner’s quirk

Since he knew nothing about you, you had to explain your quirk to him

He acted like he didn’t care at first, like he hated the thought of getting to know you, but then you told him about your quirk

You sweat chromyl chloride so your skin is almost always tinted a reddish hue, which interested Bakugou

I hc that he has a special interest in chemistry due to his quirk, so he asks if he can have a sample of your quirk to experiment with

Learns that he can make a very strong acid when combining your quirk with water

He probably shouldn’t know that though

Asks to train with you just to see you in action

I tend to think the only reason he wants anything to do with you, at first, is because of how strong your quirk could be

But over time he’d realize he actually enjoys your company, even without your quirk

Helps you treat your wounds if you accidentally harm yourself with your quirk

Has a first aid kit on hand all times, especially when he train with you

Tends to inflame his skin because he forgets to wipe off the chromyl acid as soon as possible

Overall, Bakugou thinks your quirk is really cool and does extensive research on chromyl chloride to see what you could try to work on in the future

Kirishima

Immediately wants to know if your quirk will effect him when his own quirk is activated

Is the second person to introduce himself to you once he gathers up the courage

Is interested in your abilities after his first 1v1 with you in gym

Is first made aware of how dangerous your quirk is when he accidentally bumps into you while you were all sweaty and didn’t think about wiping off the chromyl chloride now on his exposed skin

Ends up on a trip to recovery girl when his skin starts to become irritated

When class-1A goes swimming for the first time during gym, he doesn’t understand why you won’t get in the water and pulls you into the poor with him

Everyone has to get out of the water ASAP because now there’s HCl in the water due to your quirk reacting with the water

Loves how you can form so many chemicals and acids just by interacting with other chemicals, elements, and acids

Asks you to help him with chemistry homework

Figures you may know it since your quirk deals with oxidation reactions and stuff like that

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meditating-dog-lover · 2 months

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Eczema - 04/02

So good news, my skin is a lot better now. My hands and wrist are no longer red nor dry. The red and dry patches are gone, and I'm not experiencing any itchiness nor flareups, even after eating tomatoes. I still have some wounds from my last flareup, but they are slowly healing (some better than others).

I am using a tiny bit of steroid ointment 1x a day since Saturday, and Tues-Fri I've been using it 2x a week. I put a tiny bit mixed in with Vaseline and Aquaphor. It does the trick and the inflammation and dryness is gone, it's like I never had eczema. My hands are smooth, not dry nor peeling, not irritated, and the skintone matches the rest of my arm because the redness is gone. As a result I'm going to quit taking the steroids. I don't even have to moisturize my hands and I'm back to using soaps with cocamidopropyl betaine (I doubt this is what's causing my skin issues, there has to be something deeper than that).

On the same note I've been taking this new gut health supplement - Codeage Leaky Gut formula. Whether or not leaky gut is an actual thing, it still helps to nourish the intestinal lining and gut health overall as it aids in absorption and overall GI health and wellbeing. I've only been taking it for a week and I've never received a formal gut health evaluation by a health care provider, so I don't know if this supplement "matches" what my gut needs, but I know for sure I can benefit from a gut health supplement and I liked the ingredients in this supplement.

The organs to focus on when it comes to eczema is the skin, liver, and gut. Like I said I doubt I have any liver issues. For my skin I'm going to meet with my dermatologist tomorrow and ask for a tacrolimus refill and to schedule an appointment for a skin culture test. I just want to make sure I don't have staph, because people with eczema tend to have that. Again steroids are antiinflammatory, not antibacterial. So if the inflammation is due to a staph infection, then steroids aren't the solution here.

For gut, it's going to be more complex because the GI system is complex and has the issue of both dysfunction and microbiome imbalances. Dysfunction pretty much encompasses poor digestion and absorption, microbiome imbalances involve dysbiosis. Regarding function, I know that I tend to chew food quickly and drink a lot of water with each meal. This can prevent sufficient HCl and digestive enzyme secretion. Chewing (even smelling!) food can help stimulate secretion of digestive acids and enzymes, so it's important to chew slowly. This may be a myth, but water may dilute stomach acids when consumed with a meal, which can prevent optimal digestion. I've read that it's best to drink water 30 min before eating and 1 hour after eating. I understand the importance of drinking water and I drink 2+ liters a day, though I can look into properly timing my water-drinking periods. Stomach acid plays a role in digesting food and killing foreign pathogens you may swallow. So it plays a significant protective role. Additionally, there are microbes in the intestines which digest food. On the absorbing end, it would be best to find ways to nourish the intestinal lining, reduce intestinal inflammation, and promote a healthy bacterial ecosystem. While I can improve the digesting aspect on my own, I'll need to do a gut health test with a health care provider to assess my gut microbes and intestinal lining integrity. My current supplement claims to help with this, and so far I don't notice any weird side effects thankfully. But again I will potentially do such a test with a provider.

For now I will chew more slowly, alter my water-drinking timing, and continue my gut health supplement. I will meet with my dermatologist and ask for a skin culture test and a functional medicine doctor for a gut health evaluation test (microbe and intestinal integrity). Then I'll find some real answers. I just know that there is a strong link between gut and skin health and I know I can benefit from a general gut health supplement. I'm just very happy that my skin is much better now.

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amphetameme-queen-blog · 5 years

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If you slip up...

Here’s my master list of how to take care of yourself after a b/p, stay strong my lovelies!

1. Physical Damage Control

Teeth -

It's usually a warning sign to have bad teeth as someone less than seventy years old. It's a 'classic' symptom of bulimia and I've heard a lot of (rookies) swear by brushing their teeth. DON'T FUCKIN DO IT MAN. I used to b/p anywhere between three to ten times a day at my worst, but I always kept a handy supply of TUMS or antacids on me. Your teeth become weakened when you b/p in the first place, so the abrasiveness of toothbrush bristles tends to wear down on your enamel. I never brushed my teeth after I would purge, and I've been b/p'ing on and off for about four years now. Like I said - ten times a day at the worst. I went to the dentist last month and they said that my teeth were like, perfect. It was actually shocking. Thank god for chemistry I suppose.

So how does it work? Well, the calcium carbonate (the main ingredient of TUMS) neutralizes the hydrochloric acid (stomach acid) on our teeth like it would in our stomach. It's basically a high school chemistry equation.

CaCO3+ HCl -> CaCl2 + CO2 + H2O.

The symptoms you'll get (after an antacid) is basically just burping up the CO2 lol. It's much more preferable to tooth decay, might I say. OH and if you don't have any antacids on you, baking soda works in the same way. Just put a teaspoon of baking soda into water, swish it around your mouth, and spit it out. It doesn't taste great, but you could probably mix it with a little alcohol-free toothpaste so it tastes more minty. I highly recommend against swallowing baking soda because it will most likely irritate your stomach and make you even more nauseous, and not in an emetic way. (Ana butterflies don't get any stupid ideas it's not gonna work like you think). Swallowing baking soda just makes you kind of uncomfortable, really.

Y'all need to floss too. I sound like I've got a major stick up my ass, because who actually flosses flossing is for old people and l0zers fuck that shit. Nope. Flossing once before you go to bed helps your teeth against yellowing, in my experience. I wouldn’t recommend flossing post-purge as your gums tend to be much more sensitive. ‘Cuz who’s trynna get gingivitis yeah no one.

Sinuses -

Remember that time you (regrettably) b/p’d on rice? And you felt that rice grain up there and took a napkin and blew fuckin snot rice into your napkin, like the sexy beast you are?

Yeah I remember that too.

It’s pretty apparent that stomach acid anywhere besides your stomach is a recipe for havoc. The stomach acid eats away at the mucous membranes in your nose, leading to constant sniffling, loss of smell, and chronic sinus infections. Even if you don't feel irritation in your nose immediately following a b/p, the acid can still lead to damage.

So how do you remedy this?

From my experience, the Neti-Pot saline rinse is the best bet. You can use the one that looks like a tea kettle or the one that's a squeezy bottle - both do the same thing. I have the squeezy bottle and it's really simple to use. You add water up to the fill line

And then you pour the saline packet into the bottle and mix thoroughly (just shake the bottle). Be sure to use FILTERED DRINKING WATER because tap water often contains heavy metals like copper or iron, which isn't good for your nose. Then put the plastic bottle with the saline-water solution into the microwave for approximately 35 seconds, and be careful to make sure it isn't too hot. Make sure it's just slightly warm and then screw the cap on tightly. Lean over a sink and gently squeeze the bottle into one nostril until the water comes out the other. Don't worry, it doesn't provoke the dreaded “oh god there's water in my nose I feel like I'm drowning” feeling. Your sinuses are connected and because the water is warm (like body temperature) it won't come as a shock to your body. Repeat the process on both nostrils until the bottle is done.

I've had actual chunks of food come out of my nose before, and I'm like, “shit, that would have just been hangin out in my nose the entire time?” So it's really important for preventing sinus infections or acid damage to the nasal cavity.

Electrolyte Imbalances -

If I had a dollar for the amount of times I've seen THAT PICTURE of the dead bulimic girl I would be richer than Donald Trump. Yeah, she died from gastric rupture blah blah blah but I always see blogs referencing that picture with the danger of heart failure and death in bulimics.

Despite how frequently I used to purge, I'm not dead yet! Hurray I guess! I used to get serious heart palpitations after a long day of purging, but I could mitigate some of those side effects with proper hydration and electrolyte drinks.

I ain't talkin no purple Gatorade shit either. Gatorade isn't as hydrating as one would think. It's made for athletes who are working out and sweating, and releasing salt through their skin. Gatorade replenishes the sodium and sugar, but if you're not working out/sweating a lot, the extra sodium could cause water retention *panics* The best option for electrolyte-replenishing is coconut water, in my opinion. It's naturally high in potassium, which is the principle electrolyte lost by vomiting. Pedialyte takes a close second for hydration because it's designed to replenish electrolytes, like if you have the flu or something. You can buy Pedialyte over the counter at most (American) pharmacies.

Electrolytes are important in muscle contraction, which includes the heart. This is why many bulimics die from heart attacks

Of course, the best way to get potassium is through potassium-rich foods. Some examples:

Avocado

Acorn squash

Spinach

Sweet potato

Wild-caught salmon

Dried apricots

Pomegranate

Coconut water

White beans

Banana

Source: Dr. Axe

Y'all also gotta be mindful of your magnesium too. Magnesium is lost (most notably) through diarrhea and thus laxative abuse. Here's how to remember the electrolytes:

Potassium is lost through Purging and Magnesium is lost by taking Mega Shits.

I'm laughing bahahah but I shouldn't be because the magnesium thing is no joke.

2. Psychological Damage Control

The Post Purge Freakout-

Quit playin. You know what I’m talkin’ about, that anxiety like fuck fuck fuck what did I just do I’m a worthless human I deserve to-

Stop.

These thoughts seem real, like ground-breaking realizations that affirm your worthlessness and desire to continue hurting yourself with ED behaviors. Diffusing these thoughts feels like the hardest thing to do in the moment, of course, but self-care is one of the most important factors in preventing another episode. I’m not trying to be some over-simplifying, self-righteous therapist who thinks that mindfulness is the only way out ‘it’s all about positive self talk, honey!’ Nah fam, anyone who’s dealt with the vicious cycle of bulimia knows it’s not that fuckin’ easy, and so I’m not trying to sugarcoat the fact that post-b/p self-care can be really goddamn difficult.

The best post-b/p self care I’ve implemented is putting on cozy pajamas (if you’re at home) and just taking a five minute break from what you’re doing to listen to music, draw/write, or go on a short walk. Let yourself feel comfy and secure, like being wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket. Give yourself just five minutes to collect your feelings, and realize that a past slip-up can’t determine the future. Because that’s all it is - in the past. What’s in the past is done, and no amount of hateful self talk or self-injury will change that. But what you do in the present is what matters. Think about it as a fork in the road -

“Okay, so I just binged and purged, I have urges to hurt myself or compensate for what I just did, but what will happen if I don’t do either of those things?”

Nothing.

You might panic. You might cry. Let the tears come, if you are in a safe place where you feel you can do so. We know that the day might have sucked, but time stops for no one. The next thing you know, it’s the next morning. The sun is shining through your window, you are alive and your body is resilient. BOI IT’S A NEW FUCKIN DAY! YESTERDAY WAS A CAN OF SHIT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TODAY DOESN’T HAVE TO BE. The important thing is that you lived through those horrible feelings, and you’ll remember that. You’re stronger, more resilient, and persistent than you think. You don’t even have to be in recovery to apply this. That’s not what I’m getting at. If you’re pursuing a goal, whether it be eating at regular intervals or meeting a certain calorie limit, there are going to be times you might mess up. And good god, it is absolutely okay.

Imagine yourself going to bed the next night, realizing that you had your first binge free, purge free day since you could remember. Knowing that you fought your urge to b/p will help you remember that next time, “hey, I’m stronger than my urges.”

I guess what I’m emphasizing here is self-forgiveness. I know a lot of people’s ED’s are driven by self-hatred and you’re all such beautiful human beings who deserve to love yourself as others love you. Wow. That got really deep real fast. But hey, I’ve been through it all.

Yo. I'm gonna add more to this, but only if people are interested in my ED-related writing. I'm actually working on a blog right now but I figured I might as well post some stuff here for feedback. PLEASE comment I would love to hear from you guys. 'Do I write like a sappy self-help book'? 'Is it relatable and/or helpful?' Let me know in a comment or DM what you're feelin about it. Sending hugs!

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theeeegoodlife-blog · 4 years

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Toots (farts) Smelly Science Fair Experiment

Eli, an inquisitive kindergartner, wanted to know why his toots (farts) smelled, so his father helped him to do this Toots (farts) smelly science fair experiment. Below is the script to the video. It is rearranged to meet the scientific method report outline. Big Question: We have all smelled a smelly toot, but why do they smell bad? Does it depend on what you eat? Can you eat anything that will make them not smell bad? Research: What chemicals in the intestine make a smelly toot? We researched what chemicals are in the mouth, stomach and intestine in order to get an accurate representation of what items need to be mixed together to mimic the processes going on inside your body. This is important research because it will help people that have dietary restrictions choose food. It will also help people who have a tendency to toot. This will help with general food knowledge and how to eat meals that wok with each other. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Mallionic acid or know as, gastric juice, or sometimes known as stomach acid, is a digestive sperm cell formed in the stomach and membrane and is composed of hydrochloric acid (HCl), potassium sulfur chloride (KCl), and sodium chloride (NaCl). Wikipedia also included that bacteria and fugus lives in the stomach. Hypothesis:The bags that have the plant and fruit based food items will smell the least editor compared to what?. Materials: Food type list: protein, starch, vegetable. Fruit, spices, liquid, and sugar Water and water (as a control) Chicken Cheese Rice Grape Chips Bread A combination of the above editor: need to list combinations so others can repeat experiment Salt Potassium chloride (at Kroger) Hydrochloric Acid – substitute the end of safety matches Food Products Zip lock baggies Possibly yeast (represents gut bacteria) Oven at 99° TEST: Can this be mixed in a controlled environment to create a similar smelly reaction? If a similar reaction can be created can it be tested to see if variables can be added or taken to make a toot more or less smelly? This will occur because the fruit and vegetables will mix easier and decompose like they are in the ground and that usually doesn’t smell. Experiment Procedure : To test my hypothesis I will construct a fake intestine and fill it with certain foods mixing them together like in an intestine. I will also introduce bacteria possibly in the form of yeast it the mixture. The yeast will be allowed to activate. Then the whole mixture squished up and kneaded together. The mixture will be put into a closed system that can be squished out. The will most likely be a frosting bag. Finally, the mixture will be allowed to sit in a body temperature area overnight. The next day a hole will be cut in the closed system and a panel of independent judges will rate the smelliness of the various mixtures. The tested mixtures will be a selection of various food types in combinations that would generally occur to create small representative meals. An example would be cooked beef (a protein) and water (a liquid). The tested items would be simple versions of things eaten so the experiments results are not compromised by the inclusion of too many variables. Test 1 The simulated stomach chemicals will be mixed with food products. The yeast will be cultured until it is ready to react and mixed with the other ingredients in aluminum foil. The bag will be placed into an oven at 99° for 2.5 hours. Then the bags will be removed and a small hole popped in the bag. Then the smell will be categorized by negative smell and assigned a numerical indicator of 1-10. The comparisons for this experiment will the smell of the food items and mixtures in the bags. Test 2: The food items were chosen because they are simple but represent common food items paired for meals. The chemicals chosen in the mix were established after a google search of what chemicals and organisms located in the stomach and the closest and safest items to this list was chosen to simulate a working gut. Yeast is also included in the mixture. The yeast is allowed to react because it would in the gut. The mixture is heated to 99° because that mimics the body baseline temp of 98.6*. The time frame has been set to 2.5 hours because that is about the time the food item and chemical mixture would sit in a stomach. Conclusion: Some items cause someone to have smellier gas.. Eli’s results: Grapes and cheese made the smelliest mixture and smelled the worst to the 4 judges. Read the full article

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arplis · 5 years

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Arplis - News: Cover Reveal and Excerpt: YOU’RE NEXT By Kylie Schachte

We’ve got a debut murder mystery for you to put on your radar. Check out the cover for You’re Next by Kylie Schachte, out June 2020, and read the exclusive excerpt below! When a girl with a troubled history of finding dead bodies investigates the murder of her ex, she uncovers a plot to put herself—and everyone she loves—on the list of who’s next. Flora Calhoun has a reputation for sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. After stumbling upon a classmate’s body years ago, the trauma of that discovery and the police’s failure to find the killer has haunted her ever since. One night, she gets a midnight text from Ava McQueen, the beautiful girl who had ignited Flora’s heart last summer, then never spoke to her again. Just in time to witness Ava’s death from a gunshot wound, Flora is set on a path of rage and vengeance for all the dead girls whose killer is never found. Her tunnel-visioned sleuthing leads to valuable clues about a shocking conspiracy involving her school and beyond, but also earns her sinister threats from the murderer. She has a choice—to give up the hunt for answers, or keep digging and risk her loved ones’ lives. Either way, Flora will regret the consequences. Who’s next on the killer’s list? Chapter 1 Greg Garcy leers at me from his mug shot: bastard doesn’t know I’ve nailed him yet. I clutch his WANTED flyer in my hand and race down the hall, but I can’t look away from his crushed, sneering nose and bleary eyes. You can’t run from me. The bell rings. Damn. I’m so going to be late for chem. I spent my free period in the parking lot listening to the police scanner on my phone and lost track of time. It was worth it. Garcy is wanted for a string of serial rapes upstate. He’s attacked dozens of women, and he was allowed to get away with it for years. Until now. The hot pulse of adrenaline zips through me as I dash through the halls. I got him. I really got him. I need to run a plate, but⎯ I slam into someone. The Garcy flyer, my bag, pens, and various notebooks scatter across the hallway. There’s a brief tangle of sharp elbows, and I yelp when the corner of my chem textbook lands on my toe. Of course this is the day I didn’t wear my steel-toed boots. “Balls! Fuck! Ow! Shit!” I yell. “Flora Calhoun, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” I squint through the red haze of stubbed-toe agony. Ava McQueen gathers up my papers, pens, and the lone tampon I dropped. One corner of her plum-painted mouth tugs up in a troublemaker’s smile, and a fizzy feeling climbs the back of my neck. It’s been eight months and four days since the last time I kissed her, but I still remember exactly how her lips felt against mine. “H-hey, Ava.” I drop down to help her. “How you been? Haven’t seen you around much.” Yeah. We haven’t talked a whole lot since you started avoiding me. “Um, good. You know, same old bullshit.” She picks Garcy’s WANTED flyer up off the ground and stands. “Clearly.” I blush, which is basically the most annoying thing in the world when you’re a redhead. Ava always makes me feel like I’ve just missed the last step in the staircase. Ava is a year older than me, but we took the same elective on the history of political activism during my freshman year. One day, she shut down this Young Conservatives idiot who called the Black Panthers a terrorist organization. Everyone clapped, Mr. Young Con crapped his khakis, and I fell in love. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that she plays bass guitar, or that she’s bananas hot. I mean, with her curls done up in adorable space buns, and the lipstick, and that funny little smile she’s still giving me? Which is super confusing, since she hasn’t smiled at me like that in a long time. Eight months and four days. Can’t be thinking about that. I focus on shoving my stuff back into my bag. “Oh, uh. You know me. Can’t keep myself out of trouble.” She does know. I’ve always suspected that’s why she stopped talking to me⎯stopped kissing me⎯in the first place. Ava stares at the flyer in her hand. When she glances up at me, the teasing smile has vanished, and something dark flickers in her expression. She looks down again, trying to hide it. If there’s one thing I know, it’s what fear looks like. I take a half step forward, any weirdness between us forgotten. “Ava? Are you okay?” She fingers the edge of the paper. “You ever do something stupid? I mean, like, really, really stupid? Can’t-take-it-back stupid?” “Almost every day.” My face heats again. Why did I say that? “You know”—Ava’s eyes flick from Garcy’s face to mine—“I believe that.” That stings, but I ignore it. “Ava, if you’re in trouble, I can help you.” She opens her mouth, but her eyes catch on something over my shoulder. She stills. I glance behind me. Nothing but the usual throng of people trying to get to their lockers. No one looks this way. Ava folds the Garcy flyer in half, then quarters. “No worries. I have it under control.” I take another step toward her. “Seriously, I do this kind of stuff all the time. I know we haven’t, um, talked much lately, but I can⎯” Ava’s smile is cold, nothing like before. Shit. I shouldn’t have brought up the her-and-me stuff. “I got it. Just being dumb, right? Nothing I can’t handle. You take care of yourself, Flora.” She tucks the flyer back into my bag. For a second, she’s close enough that I smell her warm, woodsy perfume, but she walks away before I can get another word out. I’m being dumb, right? She just remembered that she doesn’t want to talk to me, that’s all. So why is my chest suddenly tight with dread? I shake off my confusion and chase after her, but by the time I round the corner, she’s already gone. I tap my pen on the worksheet in front of me. Balance the equation: C5H8O2 + NaH + HCl → C5H12O2 + NaCl I usually like the tidiness of balancing equations, but today I can’t focus. Was Ava worried, or am I manufacturing an excuse to talk to her? Or maybe she was scared, but she didn’t want to talk to me about it? “Dude, please. You have to listen.” Two tables away, Damian Rivera scribbles on a slip of paper and slides it across the desk to his best friend, Penn Williams. Penn knocks the note to the floor without looking up. The space beneath his desk is littered with scraps of paper. I lean forward in my seat. Is that a bruise on his cheek? It’s a faint yellowy-purple, like he tried to cover it with makeup. That’s not sketchy at all. “Please,” Damian hisses. “Let me explain.” Penn’s chair scrapes against the linoleum as he stands. He grabs the bathroom pass off its hook and stalks out of the room. Is it me, or is he limping a little? Mrs. Varner calls out, “Ten more minutes, guys, then we’ll discuss.” I’m only on question two. Between Garcy and Ava, I have enough intrigue in my life for one day. I drag my attention back to the double displacement reaction on my paper. Balance the equation… Penn never returns to class. When the bell finally rings, Damian races out the door. Rushing to hunt down his friend, maybe? Those abandoned scraps of paper are still on the floor. I shouldn’t. The last thing I need is to get sucked into the breakup of Penn and Damian’s bromance. I bend down and scoop the notes up. The first one says: I’m sorry. Please talk to me. The second: You have to understand. And the third: You don’t know what she’ll do to me. I pocket the scraps of paper and leave the classroom. “I have so much to tell you.” Cassidy Yang, my best and only friend, waits for me in the hall. She’s kind of impossible to miss in her oversize safety-orange sweater. Straw-like blond hair peeks out from under her gray beanie. She bleached her hair months ago, and now the black is making a comeback. When I try stuff like that, I look like an idiot. When Cass does, she looks like she’s in some magazine spread on street style. “What’s up?” I ask, my mind still half stuck on Ava’s terrified face. Cass and I make our way down the hall. She’s practically vibrating with enthusiasm. One kid winces as he passes, like he’s blinded by her sweater. “They did it!” she says. “They finally approved the funds for rock ensemble.” “Seriously? That’s awesome.” For the first time this afternoon, my anxiety about Ava fades a little. “I know!” Cass does a gleeful little shimmy. “There are only seven spots in the class, though. I have to do some intense practice tonight. Auditions are tomorrow.” “You should bring some of your original songs.” Cass stops dancing. “Maybe.” I roll my eyes. I was a little surprised a year ago when Cass bought a guitar and started teaching herself to play from YouTube videos. She’d never expressed any kind of interest in it before, but she’s already really good. She still gets shy about her own songwriting, though. I don’t push it. “Hey, you’re in history with Penn Williams, right? Have you noticed anything weird lately?” Cass considers it. “Not really, but that’s normal. Penn’s so quiet.” I tell her what I saw in chem class. “You think he’s in trouble?” she asks. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong.” “Well, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t,” she says dryly. “Should we try some good old-fashioned internet stalking? If Penn’s got issues, bet you it’s all over Instagram.” We spend the rest of the walk to her car discussing post frequency, content, and filter choices as possible clues of distress. A few times, I almost tell Cass about the strange, tense conversation I had with Ava, but then I don’t. Maybe I was imagining it. Maybe it was the same old awkwardness between Ava and me, left over from last summer. If I bring her up now, Cass will want to talk about it. It might have been eight months and four days, but I’d still rather launch myself into the blazing sun than deal with all those feelings. Cass drops me off, and I promise to call later to help her prep for the audition. “I’m home!” I call out, dumping my stuff in the doorway. “Yes, I was able to deduce that from the sound of the door opening at precisely the same time you come home every day.” My grandfather appears in the doorway. I’m about 99 percent certain he’s ex-CIA from the golden years when they had free rein to deal with those pesky Russians. William Calhoun has been retired for years, but he still wears a custom-tailored suit every day. “You know, most parental guardians open with a ‘Hello, honey, how was your day?’ when their progeny return from the battlefield of high school education.” “How quaint.” He retrieves my bag from the floor and throws me a pointed look as he hangs it neatly on its hook. The scents of butter and cinnamon draw me into the kitchen. “Did you make cookies?” “Yes, I thought you might appreciate a post-battle snickerdoodle.” “Forget those other loser grandfathers, you’re the best,” I call back. I’ve always wondered if he learned to bake when he was undercover. He’s a little too good at it. Gramps hums to himself as he dons oven mitts and pulls out a fresh batch of cookies. He’s downright cheerful today. I guess it’s as good a time as any to ask. “So, I need a favor.” He ignores me and grabs a spatula. Maybe some buttering up is in order. “I have a new theory about you,” I tell him. “You were attempting to unveil a Soviet spy stationed within the French government. You went undercover as a baker’s apprentice at the patisserie where the pinko went every morning for his petit déjeuner, and that’s where you learned this delicious sorcery.” I brandish my cookie in the air for emphasis. “Inventive.” He scrapes dried batter off the tray. “So, this favor…” No one sighs like William Calhoun. So soft, and yet weighted with such vexation. He begins transferring cookies from the baking sheet to the cooling rack. “In case I have not mentioned it yet today, I must tell you that your tenacity is a rather ugly character flaw. What can I do for you this time? Plant listening devices in the home of a Venezuelan dignitary? Order the assassination of your physical education teacher?” “Nah, I’m saving that one for a graduation present. I was hoping one of your old buddies could run a plate for me?” “I thought we had finally realized that potential love interests seldom appreciate stalking as a precursor to courtship.” “Yeah, well, if I never have a serious relationship, we’ll know who’s to blame. No crush. It’s Greg Garcy.” I pull the WANTED flyer from my bag. “The case has been cold for months, but I heard on the tip line he’s been spotted a few times in the area. I’ve got a lead on the car.” “Flora, we have discussed this.” He scoops fresh cookie dough onto the baking sheet. “I do not mind you illegally tapping into the police phone system; I simply don’t wish to hear about it.” “Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’ll call some of your friends in Virginia?” He blinks. “I have no idea what you mean. I was nothing but a humble midlevel diplomat.” “Is that why there’s a framed photo of you and William J. Donovan, founder of the CIA, on your desk?” I ask through a mouthful of cookie. “Has anyone mentioned how off-putting it is for young ladies to be so observant?” “Yes. You. Frequently.” “Well, all right, then. I will call up some of the old boys for you.” “I love you, and not because you’re my affable and genteel grandfather, but because of the goods and services I can extort from you.” “I would expect no less.” Olive walks into the kitchen. She’s dressed for ballet class, every strand of her hair pulled up tight in a perfect bun. I finger the ends of my own sloppy braid. Olive is only thirteen, but she has her shit way more together than me. “Mom called.” She grabs a banana from the fruit bowl to put in her bag. “You just missed her.” Yeah, I bet. My mother has lived in Germany for the last year and a half. She’s a painter at this artist-in-residence thing in Berlin. She was only supposed to be gone for six months, but here we are. She knows my school schedule, and yet somehow she always calls about fifteen minutes before I get home. It’s a convenient way for her to pretend to be my mother without having to, you know, mother me. “Hm,” is all I can think to say. Gramps watches me, but I avoid his eyes. “She’s good, if you were wondering. Her gallery show is next weekend.” Olive’s spine has gone very straight. She does that when she’s annoyed⎯practices her dance posture. “That’s great.” I try to sound sincere, but it mostly comes out exhausted. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about my mom anymore. Olive rolls her eyes. My attempts to appease her only piss her off. Olive and I get along about as well as any sisters would, for the most part, but it’s no secret she blames me for Mom leaving. She’s not wrong. Olive turns to my grandfather. “Can we go?” “Of course.” He wipes the flour from his hands with a dish towel. As they’re about to leave, he turns to me with pretend sternness. “Allow those cookies to cool before gorging, please.” I give him a salute. “Yes, sir.” “I’ll get that license plate for you this evening.” The look in his eyes is gentle, and a little sad. He doesn’t really know how to feel about the Mom stuff, either. “Thanks.” That night, after my grandfather has plied me with more tacos than I should reasonably be able to fit inside me, I call in the Garcy tip. The cops aren’t particularly thrilled to hear from me—we don’t have the best working relationship—but Gramps cashed in a favor with the Department of Transportation and got me the tollbooth photos of Garcy entering the area, his face and license plate number clear as day. Hard for the police to ignore me when I hand them a perp on that kind of silver platter. In the state of New York, you must be at least twenty-five years of age and have a minimum of three years’ relevant experience to apply for a private investigator’s license. Needless to say, I fall short on all of the requirements. The cops pretend that I’m some dumb kid who barely stays out of their way. I play along because it protects their delicate egos and keeps them occupied while I do my job. Because it is a job. Garcy was a special case—I found him in an article about how the NYPD finally tested thousands of rape kits they’d held in storage for years—but most of the time I work for hire, and I get paid. All under the table, of course, and if the IRS ever calls, Cass and I are running a very lucrative babysitting business. I pull up all of Penn’s and Damian’s social media accounts and start combing through them. The two of them are part of that crowd that hangs out in the art studio during their free periods, so most of their pictures are of their work. Half of Damian’s feed is taken up by progress shots of a giant white snake sculpture. There are no obvious signs of distress, but one thing sticks out to me right away: up until about three weeks ago, both Penn and Damian commented on every single one of each other’s posts. And then nothing. I hesitate, then pull up Ava’s profile. I haven’t let myself look at this in a long time, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong and Ava was too afraid to talk. Not much has changed on her feed. Lots of pictures of her and her friends, laughing and goofing off. A screenshot of a bell hooks quote. A dark, grainy video of her playing her bass in her bedroom. I scroll down farther. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. There: last July. One picture, the only proof that the two of us were ever anything. A selfie she insisted we take. We’re lying on our backs; our cheeks are pressed together. I’m flushed with giddy embarrassment. Ava’s smile is as dopey and glittering as mine. No hint that a month later she would refuse to speak to me, let alone be in the same room. If you look closely, you can see the floral print of my pillowcase under her head. My phone vibrates. Ava McQueen’s name lights up my screen. There’s a flutter of fear and pleasure in the no-man’s-land below my belly button. Does she know I was looking at her, somehow? Does she want to talk to me? But she had that look on her face earlier. That dark look. “Hello?” “Flora?” Ava whispers. “I need your help.” #YoungAdultLiterature #Excerpts #Mystery/Thriller #CoverReveal

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/cover-reveal-and-excerpt-you-re-next-by-kylie-schachte

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bonniejstarks · 4 years

Text

JOICO ZERO HEAT AIR DRY STYLING CREME (FOR THICK HAIR)

Joico Zero Heat Air Dry Styling Creme is a smart name. “Oooh, something for air-drying my hair,” I thought with some excitement when I received the PR samples. And then I remembered that the leave-in spray and curl-enhancing mousse I regularly use don’t say “air dry” on the packaging, but I air-dry my hair 99% of the time anyway because you can with those kinds of products.

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

Hagrid’s hair is like mine if I let it air-dry without using product. I keep my beard much more closely trimmed though. Truth.

Well done, Joico! Zero Heat Air Dry ($19.98 CAD at select salons and $19.99 USD at ulta.com) is the best and coolest name for a frizz-minimizing, curl-enhancing styling cream ever. Made me near desperate to try the stuff, even after I’d returned to my marketing-can’t-fool-me senses.

Before I launch into the rest of this Zero Heat narrative, a little about my hair: When I use a leave-in followed by curl-enhancing mousse, some of my hair air-dries into soft spiral curls, some in stretched-out waves, and some in frizz if I haven’t distributed the product properly throughout. If I air-dry without product at all, my hair looks like Hagrid’s. That’s 100% accurate. Just ask niece Lauren.

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the first date

The first day I used Zero Heat, I got compliments on my hair. My natural waves and curls were frizz-free, soft and glossy and nicely defined with an I-didn’t-have-to-do-much-to-make-it-look-this-way finish.

Several hours into our first date: Zero Heat + zero effort.

“Thank you,” I said to the lovelies who told me my hair looked great. “But you know when you go on a first date with someone who is attractive and engaging but quickly reveals a deal-breaking quirk that disqualifies him (or her, if that’s your vibe) as a potential partner for you? And it just makes you miss things you liked best about a previous partner? That.”

For me, Joico Zero Heat for Thick Hair was a winner in all the ways but one: fragrance. Why couldn’t it be like the zesty Garnier Fructis I love instead of that generic sweet-ish salon-product scent? “I like the results so much, but just can’t get past how it smells,” I whinged to the ladies who’d said the nice things.

However, in the days following, I kept thinking about the results I’d liked so much. My usual styling routine of leave-in conditioner then curl-enhancing mousse is fine when I manage to distribute everything properly, but Joico’s Zero Heat had noticeably amped up shine and softness and reduced frizz to a level my regulars don’t quite reach. And it did so without weighing my hair down in the least. But the SCENT! Aaaargh!

the second date

Yes. The memory of my soft, shiny waves and curls, along with a little background check on Zero Heat, led to a second date despite the fragrance.

Joico Zero Heat for Thick Hair: second date. We went to a gym and worked while our Liza Herz worked out.

Okay, the “background check” consisted of reading the fact sheet that had come with the samples. Expected ingredients include dimethicone and lightweight polymers, reliable smoothing agents, but the formula also contains rose hip and castor oils, for added suppleness and shine. My usual routine does not include oil, although hairstylist Anna Barseghian, who cuts my hair, told me once that it should. (Fun fact: Anna used to work with Meghan Markle when the actress lived in Toronto as part of the “Suits” cast.)

Zero Heat benefits also apparently include reduced dry time (didn’t notice that) and 24-hour humidity control (possible; will see when there’s more humidity in the air).*

“The scent will dissipate once your hair is dry,” I told myself. “Or, fingers very tightly crossed, you’ll get used to it enough that you won’t smell it anymore.”

And it’s mostly true. I only notice the not-for-me fragrance when I’m applying Zero Heat, and for a bit while my hair dries. Now, as I type this, I can’t smell it at all, and my hair is soft, glossy, and my waves and curls maintain a pleasing definition better throughout the day than before.

In fact, Joico Zero Heat for Thick Hair and I have been on several dates since our first, and I’ve even put in a little more effort à la the model in this video.

I twisted sections of hair and secured them with the same kind of clips ($1.69 CAD for 12 at amazon.ca and $10.15 USD at walmart.com). Unlike the model, I sectioned and twisted all my hair, just to see if it would make much of a difference, and left the clips in for about an hour. My hair was still quite damp when I removed them, but I left the twists in to dry further before gently shaking them out.

Joico Zero Heat for Fine/Medium Hair and for Thick Hair

Hours later, although my hair didn’t look like the model’s in the opening photo (her hair is naturally curlier than mine, and was most likely enhanced a bit with a curling wand too), I liked the effect. In addition, partly thanks to Zero Heat and partly thanks to the twists, my curls and waves withstood pillow-time much better – usually, they flatten out to almost straight unless I sweep my hair up and over my pillow before going to sleep. They actually held their shape far better for several days, and freshening up took minimal effort.

*And UPDATE: On a recent rainy hair-day-two, I was out without an umbrella more than once, enough to get my hair somewhat wet on top, although not soaked. And my hair did not frizz!

I might as well admit it now in case it isn’t already obvious: Joico Zero Heat Air Dry Styling Cream is my new boyfriend.

over to you

Zero Heat has been out for a bit. Has any of you tried it?

If you air-dry your hair, what’s your go-to styling product?

shoppity shop-shop

JOICO ZERO HEAT FOR FINE/MEDIUM HAIR ingredients: Water/Aqua/Eau, Myristyl Alcohol, Dimethicone, Peg-8 Distearate, Ppg-2 Myristyl Ether Propionate, Phenoxyethanol, Arginine Hcl, Laurdimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Keratin, Rosa Canina Fruit Oil, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Polyquaternium-37, Dicaprylyl Carbonate, Polyquaternium-68, Disodium Edta, Polyimide-1, Peg-4 Laurate, Lauryl Glucoside, Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate, Butyl Methoxydibenzoylmethane, Ethylhexyl Salicylate, Ppg-26-Buteth-26, Peg-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Citric Acid, Phosphatidylcholine, Aminomethyl Propanol, Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Hydroxycitronellal, Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone, Limonene, Coumarin, Fragrance/Parfum.

JOICO ZERO HEAT FOR THICK HAIR ingredients: Water/Aqua/Eau, Behenyl Alcohol, Myristyl Alcohol, Dimethicone, Steareth-21, Peg-8 Distearate, Ppg-2 Myristyl Ether Propionate, Propylene Glycol, Phenoxyethanol, Arginine Hcl, Laurdimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Keratin, Rosa Canina Fruit Oil, Steareth-2, Behentrimonium Chloride, Polyquaternium-11, Polyimide-1, Disodium Edta, Peg-4 Laurate, Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate, Butyl Methoxydibenzoylmethane, Ethylhexyl Salicylate, Ppg-26-Buteth-26, Peg-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Citric Acid, Isopropyl Alcohol, Phosphatidylcholine, Aminomethyl Propanol, Polyquaternium-37, Dicaprylyl Carbonate, Lauryl Glucoside, Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Hydroxycitronellal, Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone, Limonene, Coumarin, Fragrance/Parfum.

For brand info, visit joico.ca* or joico.com*.

Source link

The post JOICO ZERO HEAT AIR DRY STYLING CREME (FOR THICK HAIR) appeared first on Trends Dress.

from Trends Dress https://trendsdress.com/joico-zero-heat-air-dry-styling-creme-for-thick-hair/ from Trends Dress https://trendsdresscom.tumblr.com/post/613674305160626176

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thrivous · 5 years

Link

Cognigenx Clarity is the latest nootropic brain supplement scam. How do I know it's a scam? I know because there's strong evidence that it comes from the same shady vendor (or network of vendors) that sells the other "Clarity" scams about which I've written in the past -- CortyX Clarity, Cognivex Clarity, and Apollo Mental Clarity. This is, of course, particularly troublesome for Thrivous because some consumers confuse these scams with our product, Thrivous Clarity.

If you've read my warnings about the other scams, you know that they re-use the same website templates, employing the same manipulative sales tactics. So it should come as no surprise that the Cognigenx Clarity website resembles the others. Take a look.

Like the other scam websites, the Cognigenx Clarity website includes fake reviews from John D and Jane M, those notoriously "very satisfied, real customers." Here they are, in all their dishonest glory.

And fake reviews are just one of many ethical shortcomings on the Cognigenx website. Other manipulative and dishonest sales tactics include:

Dubious mention of "limited supply" due to "extremely high media demand." If there's high media demand, it's probably from fake news websites (see #2).

Logos for real news websites (including CBS News, NBC, Fox News, and CNN) that they have a history of impersonating on their own fake news websites.

Pervasive exaggeration, such as "genius-level boost," "remember forever," and "instant super computer mental ability."

Misrepresentation of neurology, such as "mind that is supercharged to fire on all 12-Cylinders."

Dubious "Doctor Trusted" seal, which is similar to one from a company that the FTC charged with deception.

Dubious security seals, purportedly from GoDaddy, Norton, and McAfee, but without active links or any evidence of authenticity.

Claims of a "Risk Free Trial" that turns into a recurring monthly charge of $82.76 plus shipping if you don't call to cancel within 15 days.

Oh. And that price is for 30 capsules. Really. That's the number in small print on the bottle. The Cognigenx Clarity price is a whopping $82.76 plus shipping for a bottle of 30 capsules. That's about $2.76 per capsule! I'd forgive you for wondering if the ingredients are precious metals.

But the Cognigenx ingredients are probably, at best, a mix of a few good nootropics at effective doses, some typical vitamins at typical doses, some under-researched materials, and several potential nootropics at placebo dust doses (substantially below those used in clinical studies on humans). We can't know this for sure because the vendor doesn't publish the supplement facts. They probably have things to hide, after all. But because Cognigenx appears to be a re-labeled version of previous scam products, such as Cognivex Clarity, it's a safe bet that the ingredient claims are similar:

Vitamin B3 as Niacin 30 mg -- typical multivitamin material and dose

Vitamin B6 as Pyridoxine HCl 5 mg -- typical multivitamin material and dose

Nootro Blend 545 mg -- typical hidden doses in a proprietary blend, which purportedly consists of the ingredients below

Caffeine -- it's possible that this is provided at an effective dose, which may be as little as 25 mg, although it should probably be cycled and not used daily

GABA -- it's unclear whether this could be provided in an effective nootropic dose, but 3,000 to 5,000 mg have been used to enhance growth hormone metabolism

Bacopa Monnieri -- it's unlikely that this is provided at an effective dose, which is at least 300 mg of an extract standardized to at least 50% bacoside

Alpha GPC -- it's unlikely that this is provided at an effective dose, which is at least 600 mg of 50% Alpha GPC material

L Theanine -- it's possible that this is provided at an effective dose, which may be as little as 50 mg

Phosphatidylserine -- it's possible that this is provided at an effective dose, which may be as little as 100 mg

L Tyrosine -- it's unlikely that this is provided at en effective dose, which is at least 500 mg

Vinpocetine -- it's possible that this is provided at an effective dose, which may be as little as 5 mg

Huperzine A -- it's possible that this is provided at an effective dose, which may be as little as 50 mcg, although it should probably be cycled and not used daily

Note that I mentioned "at best," when characterizing the ingredients in Cognigenx Clarity. And I mentioned "claims," when referencing what I suspect would be listed on the Cognigenx label. These qualifications are because there's no reason to suppose that the vendor or its manufacturer (or their suppliers) are actually providing whatever ingredients the label may claim. There's simply no evidence that they've engaged in quality control testing of any kind. So I wouldn't even smell Cognigenx, let alone put it in my mouth.

Finally, just in case you think I'm being too hard on them, you might check out Cognigenx at the Better Business Bureau. Apparently they operate under an alternate name, Brainboost.com LLC. And at this time, they have an "F" rating. No surprise there.

Get Real Clarity at Thrivous

Fortunately, if you're reading this and looking for trustworthy nootropic brain supplements, you've come to the right place.

Thrivous Clarity is a premium nootropic brain supplement. We base its formula and ingredient doses on over 100 clinical studies on human -- not just test tubes or lab rats. Our quality control is rigorous, requiring that each ingredient pass multiple tests and re-tests for identity, potency, and safety. And we don't just expect you to take our word for any of this. On the product webpage, we prominently publish both a summary of clinical studies and a certificate of analysis and quality, so you can review and verify the science and quality of our product. That's one of the reasons that Thrivous currently has an "A+" rating at the Better Business Bureau.

Because Thrivous Clarity is a premium nootropic, you might imagine that we charge a fortune for it. But we don't. To the contrary, our mission is to help our customers access technology with the greatest potential to improve their brains and bodies. And an important part of access is affordability. So we charge reasonable prices. Indeed, "reasonable" is probably an understatement. So far as I know, Thrivous Clarity is the most valuable nootropic brain supplement on the market anywhere in the world, as compared on a price per effective dose basis.

Don't be fooled by fake news. Don't trust experimental substances or untested materials. Don't settle for placebo dust doses at exorbitant prices. Expect better science, better quality, and better value. Expect the best. Choose Thrivous.

Originally published at thrivous.com on January 21, 2019 at 11:35PM.

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rosasanctus · 7 years

Text

Authors:

Sara

***This review is not sponsored. Everything written is my own opinion, and if you are to use this product remember YMMV.

I’ve been interested in the Dear, Klairs brand for quite awhile, and finally could justify my purchase when my Purpletale Setting the Scene Treatment Essence ran out Klairs is a skincare brand owned by Wishtrend that is known for its simple ingredient lists safe for sensitive skin. Their products contain no colorants, no alcohol, no parabens, and no artificial fragrances. This is very appealing to me as someone with acne-prone skin, as I am always in need of soothing products. I ended up choosing the Rich Moist Soothing Serum from their product line as a replacement for my previous first essence. This serum isn’t marketed as a first essence but has a very similar consistency to one and is meant to prep the skin for the rest of your routine.

Claims:

Taken from box and bottle-

“A gentle, aqueous serum, made with a concentrated formula of a rich blend of organic complexes. This moist serum is easily absorbed into the skin and immediately makes the skin feel softer and replenished. With patented ingredient Phyto-Oglio, it has been specifically formulated to nourish and moisturize skin.”

Replenish moisture

Gentle & Soothing

Controls Oil

Vegan Product

Ingredients:

Front of box

English instructions and ingredients

English ingredients continued…

Korean ingredients

Full List:

Water, Sodium Hyaluronate, Butylene Glycol, Dimethyl Sulfone, Betaine, Natto Gum, Propanediol, Polyquaternium-51, Disodium EDTA, Centella Asiatica Extract, Glycyrrhiza Glabra (Licorice) Root Extract, Carbomer, Arginine, PEG-60 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Lysine HCL, Proline, Sodium Ascorbyl Phosphate, Acetyl Methionine, Theanine, Chlorphenesin, Tocopheryl Acetate, Illicium Verum(Anise) Fruit Extract, Citrus Paradisi(Grapefruit) Fruit Extract, Nelumbium Speciosum Flower Extract, Paeonia Suffruticosa Root Extract, Scutellaria Baicalensis Root Extract, Panthenol, Luffa Cylindrica Fruit/Leaf/Stem Extract, Beta-Glucan, Althaea Rosea Flower Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Oil, Eucalyptus Globulus Leaf Oil, Pelargonium Graveolens Flower Oil, Citrus Limon (Lemon) Peel Oil, Citrus Aurantium Dulcis (Orange) Peel Oil, Cananga Odorata Flower Oil, Portulaca Oleracea Extract, Apium Graveolens (Celery) Extract, Brassica Oleracea Capitata (Cabbage) Leaf Extract, Brassica Oleracea Italica (Broccoli) Extract, Brassica Rapa (Turnip) Leaf Extract, Daucus Carota Sativa (Carrot) Root Extract, Oryza Sativa (Rice) Bran Extract, Solanum Lycopersicum (Tomato) Fruit/Leaf/Stem Extract

Read the CosDNA report here.

The only red flag that shows up on CosDNA is Butylene Glycol with an acne-trigger rating of 1. I consider that a pretty minor offense for a serum with such a long ingredients list. The rest of the list is filled with notable fruit and flower extracts such as Centell Asiatica Extract (one of my favorite ingredients for soothing acne and redness) and Licorice Root Extract (inhibits melanin products caused by UVB).

How to use:

When first dispensed…

Spread across hand…

After patted in…

What Dear, Klairs instructs:

Apply to clean skin day and night.

Maybe applied as a target treatment for areas requiring extra attention.

What I do:

After I cleanse and tone, I apply 1 to 2 pumps over my entire face and neck.

On days my skin needs more moisture I apply a second layer.

After applying the serum, I continue with the rest of my routine.

How it worked for me:

When I first tried this serum I was impressed with it’s soothing abilities. I tend to pick at my acne (yes I know, a skincare no no), and I usually do so after cleansing and before applying my skincare. I apply this serum after I pick and the redness I cause is normally gone within a matter of minutes. However, I thought this serum would be much more hydrating than it turned out to be. I have dehydrated, oily skin and the moisture provided by this serum just isn’t enough to prevent the afternoon dryness my face always suffers from.

Other things to note about this serum, are the fragrance and texture. The fragrance isn’t strong as it’s not artificial, but it kind of smells faintly like generic hand soap. The texture is on the lighter, thinner side for serums, and if you massage it in too quickly, it kind of bubbles up a little. Additionally, it absorbs quickly after application and can be easily layered under other products.

Overall, I was a bit disappointed in the hydrating abilities of this serum. I don’t think it lives up to the “Rich Moist” part of its name, but it does live up to the “Soothing” part. This serum never irritated my skin, but I don’t think it has done much for it. I could see this being a good serum for skincare beginners with normal or combo skin types. It’s on the cheaper side and it’s unlikely to cause any adverse reactions (unless you are allergic to an ingredient), which is good for those just starting to build a routine and unaware of what works for them.

Pros:

Affordable price (~$20)

Large amount of product (80ml)

Vegan and cruelty-free

Soothing ingredients

Good for sensitive skin

Safe for acne-prone skin

Simple, study packaging nice for travel

Preps skin for rest of routine

Cons:

Could be more hydrating

No long term effects

Is easily replacable

No noticeable oil control benefits

Final Rating:

Rating Scale

1-Bad, had a reaction, would not buy again

2-Did not work

3-Worked, but nothing special

4-Great product, but has the potential to be replaced

5-Holy Grail, it’s the cat’s meow!

A lightly hydrating serum good for those with normal or combo skin types, but doesn’t provide deep enough hydration for drier or dehydrated skin types.

Where you can Purchase:

Wishtrend for $22.99

Cupidrop for $22.00

Amazon for $21.50 (with prime)

Be sure to check out our coupon code page for discounts on some of the sites listed above!

Review: Dear, Klairs Rich Moist Soothing Serum Authors: ***This review is not sponsored. Everything written is my own opinion, and if you are to use this product remember YMMV.

#Asian skincare #dear klairs #kbeauty #kbeauty blogger #kbeauty review #Klairs #klairs soothing serum #rasianbeauty #Serum #Skincare #skincare review

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thecoroutfitters · 7 years

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Sleep is absolutely critical to your health, but many of us just can’t seem to get enough.

When you’re asleep, your body reboots. It focuses all of its energy on healing and revitalizing, because it doesn’t have to focus on walking, talking, thinking, eating, or any of the other myriad activities that it has to keep up with during the day.

Whether you can’t manage to get to sleep at all or you sleep lightly and/or wake up frequently, you’re likely not firing on all cylinders and your body is paying for it.

Fortunately, there are some truly effective natural remedies for sleep disorders out there, so you don’t have to depend on manmade sleep aides that are expensive, unhealthy, and may not be available if SHTF.

Health Effects of Not Sleeping

So you miss some sleep. No big deal – you’re just a little groggy, right? Well, not that trudging through your day feeling like crap isn’t bad enough, but it’s also not the worst thing that’s going on in your body, either.

Probably the two systems in your body that are most effected by lost sleep is your brain function and your immune system. Everybody’s had a sleepless night or two, so you know how you feel – your reflexes are much slower, you can’t concentrate, and your decision-making skills are impaired. And that’s just from one night of poor sleep!

If you experience chronic insomnia, or don’t get enough of the right kind of sleep regularly, these issues can become much more pronounced and can lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety. It obviously plays a huge role in your work performance, and can impact your overall mental health.

Your immune system takes a serious kick in the pants, too. You simply can’t fight off bacteria and viruses that lead to colds, the flu, and other illnesses. Long-term, your body can’t fight off the big boys such as cancer if you’re immune system isn’t health, either.

Risks of OTC Sleep Aids

And those are just two systems that sleeplessness impacts! So, what’s the answer? You can always take over-the-counter sleep aids, but there are a few problems with that choice.

First, they have side effects. OTC sleep medications make you groggy, dry up your sinuses, inhibit your cough relax, and cover up your immune system’s allergic response. Why do they do this? Easy – if you look at the ingredients of popular sleep aids and common cold, flu, sinus, and allergy medicines, they’re the same exact ones!

That’s right – Big Pharma realized that one of the major side effects of cold and allergy meds is … wait for it … drowsiness.

For example, Benadryl and Unisom contain the exact same ingredient: diphenhydramine HCL, 25 (or 50) mg. Huh. What a surprise – we’re being conned by pharmaceutical companies. Typically, the sleep aids are pricier than the exact same med that’s labeled as a cold or allergy med.

That’s not the only sleep med that’s like that, either. Just look at your labels.

So, we have side effects … or would that be we’re taking a cold med because we WANT its side effects? Either way, it’s a chemical and it messes with more than your sleep. Plus, they often leave you feeling groggy the next day, which means that you really shouldn’t drive or perform other dangerous tasks until the effects wear off. And your cognitive abilities will still be sluggish. Yay.

8 Natural Remedies that Make You Sleepy

Now, that’s not to say that all sleeping meds are that way, nor am I telling you that you shouldn’t take a medication if you’ve tried all other reasonable methods and still aren’t sleeping. You need to sleep. I’m just here to offer you a few alternative therapies that may help, that are time tested and proven to work.

Find out the secrets that helped our fathers survive in the old days!

Also, if you have problems sleeping and you worry that someday you may not have insurance to pay for it, or that something may happen and the meds won’t be available, you’ll have some back-up methods.

1. Chamomile

This one isn’t a myth or some new-age hooey, if that’s the way that you tend to view herbal treatments. It’s been extensively studied and has a ton of scientific research to back up the chemicals in it that make it effective as a sleep aid.

It’s also good for soothing aching muscles or calming muscle spasms, treating allergies, morning sickness, hay fever, and asthma, and easing indigestion.

If you’re allergic to ragweed, use cautiously until you determine whether or not chamomile will bother you, too.

2. Lavender

One of the common old-wives sayings is that you should plant lavender for luck. Well, it’s good for relaxing, too. One of the biggest problems that many occasional insomniacs have is stress. You simply can’t shut your mind down so that you can go to sleep. Both Chamomile and lavender are wonderful for this.

The effects are mild, but if all you need is a little boost to help you relax, this may be just what you need. It smells lovely, which is why it’s often used in sachets that are places under the pillow, perfumes, soaps, and lotions. It’s shown to be calming, soothing and sedating, which makes it great for insomnia, anxiety, fatigue, and depression, to name a few. You can make a tea with the flowers or rub a bit of the essential oil onto your skin or hands and sniff.

3. Milk

That warm glass of milk that grandma may have given you before bedtime actually has some science behind it. The chemical that makes us sleepy, melatonin needs calcium and magnesium – preferably consumed together – to convert the chemical tryptophan into melatonin.

Speaking of tryptophan, you need it in order for your body to make melatonin, and you get it from eating carbohydrates such as whole grain oats, corn, quinoa, and brown rice and some proteins, including turkey.

Just a note on magnesium – because only one percent of it is stored in your blood, it’s not commonly tested However, it’s estimated that as many as two thirds of us may be deficient in this vital mineral. Green leafy veggies, seeds (particularly pumpkin seeds), yogurt, almonds, black beans, and avocados are all good sources of magnesium.

4. Lemon Balm

Lemon Balm is often used in conjunction with the other herbs that I’ve listed here. It’s historically been used to increase mood, reduce stress, and improve appetite and digestion. When studied alone, which it very rarely has been, it did improve mood and significantly increased alertness and calmness. Since alertness is the opposite of what you’re going for, maybe that’s why it’s paired with the other herbs.

5. Bergamot

This bright, citrusy scent has been used for centuries as a calming agent and a mood elevator. It’s commonly used in perfumes and confectionary endeavors because of its sweetness, and when it’s diffused, it has powerful effects on clarity and mood stabilization so that you can relax. If you’re looking for something to help you turn off your brain and relax so that you can sleep, either diffuse bergamot or rub a drop or two in your hands and inhale.

6. Valerian Root

This one’s been used for centuries and has many scientific studies to back it up, too.

Valerian root, specifically the valerenic acid and valerenol found in it, work together to act to promote healthy sleep.

It helps increase the level if GABAs, the chemical that soothes anxiety and regulates nerve cells, in your brain. This is the exact function that both alprazolam (Xanax), and diazepam (Valium) perform to reduce anxiety and induce sleep. So, we have a root that works just like two of the top anti-anxiety sleep aids on the market? Hmm.

Oh, and studies are now showing that it also may keep your brain from reabsorbing GABA, which means there will be more available, and valerian may also inhibit an enzyme that destroys GABA. Sounds like a root worth trying, right?

7. Passion Flower

Passion flower was actually approved at one point for use as an OTC sleep aid but was pulled in the late 70s when they started cracking down and requiring that medicines be extensively studied before being approved. It acts in much the same way as the other supplements that we’ve discussed.

It’s also been used to help with asthma, high blood pressure, pain relief, ADHD, anxiety, and seizures.

8. St. John’s Wort

A decade or two ago, this plant was lauded as the homeopathic or poor man’s Prozac because it has such a wonderful effect on mood. Millions of people take this supplement as a replacement for chemical anti-depressants and to help with sleep.

Despite much studying the exact function of the active ingredient, Hypericum, is still a mystery; all researchers know is that it works. Since you can grow St. John’s Wort right in your back yard and it’s actually quite pretty with its yellow flowers, it would be a good medicinal herb to have on hand.

Insomnia is miserable even for one night, but if it’s a problem that you deal with chronically, you’re putting your health at serious risk. Remember that even though most of the herbs listed about have little to no side effects other than what they’re used for, and they’re not addictive, they still have medicinal properties and need to be respected for that.

Learn about your allergies and about what dosages may be right for you. Whatever you decide to try, I wish you sweet dreams!

If you have an herb to add, or would like to share your results or add more to what I’ve already written, please do so in the comments section below.

This article has been written by Theresa Crouse for Survivopedia.

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

#SHTF #TEOTWAWKI #MARTIALLAW #BUGOUT #PREPPERBAG #USAF #USSOCOM #ARMY #NAVY #SurvivalFirestarter #Sur

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beauty4free2u · 7 years

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RODIAL DRAGON´S BLOOD VELVET CREAM, XXL LIP PLUMPER, CLEANSING WATER & MORE

I am a huuuuge fan of Rodial (as you can see here or here) and I was very happy to be able to try out a couple items of the Rodial dragon´s blood skin care line, such as the Rodial dragon´s blood velvet cream, the Rodial dragon´s blood cleansing (micellar) water and the Rodial dragon´s blood XXL lip plumper! Now you might think: "What is dragon´s blood?" and you are right with that question!

Dragon's blood is actually a resin inside of some plants that protects them- for example the Croton plant contains it (which is the plant that Rodial uses). So, yes: there is truly dragon´s blood inside of Rodial´s skin care! ;-) And Rodial is a cruelty free brand from the U.K.!

Rodial dragon´s blood cleansing water $36

I admit: I haven´t tried any micellar waters yet, as it sounds to me, as if it wouldn´t do much. I thought this is just a fancy word for water! LOL! But how wrong was I! The Rodial dragon´s blood cleansing water gets your skin so very clean! I used it after I washed my face with a cleanser and just could not believe my eyes, how much makeup and dirt I still could wipe up using the cleansing water on a cotton pad! Wow! All this time I went to bed with all THIS on my face? Yack! It also smells very fresh and clean, but at the same time also divine like fresh exotic flowers. It also includes Hyluronic Acid to plump up your skin cells and Vitamin B3 for a brighter skin complexion. Think of it not just as a "water", but as a highly active cleansing-treatment-toner!

Ingredients:

Rosa Damascena Flower Water, PEG-6 Caprylic/ Capric Glycerides, Niacinamide, Phenoxyethanol, Benzyl Alcohol, Ethylhexylglycerin, Disodium EDTA, Glycerin, Dehydroacetic Acid, Sodium Hyaluronate, Croton Lechleri Resin Extract, Geraniol, Citronellol.

Rodial dragon´s blood velvet cream $72

Oh my! Heaven! THIS! This is the richest, heaviest cream that you will ever touch! The consistency is extrem thick- yet you can use a tiny amount for the most velvety feel- including an exotic and divine scent of flowers. You will feel like a million bucks! I am just sorry, that sensitive skin ladies might have to skip this one due to the fragrance- all other skin types will enjoy it. So, so good! Personally I have a combination to oily skin and I still enjoy this cream so much- you can adjust it simply to your needs with the amount you are using. The tiniest amount is enough for me (look at the pic above- that would be enough for me for a couple days! Hehe!). And you might think this is a bit expensive- but this jar is huuuuge! 1.7 fl oz of pure rich goodness that will last for a very long time!

Ingredients:

Aqua (Water), Isoamyl Laurate, Glycerin, Squalane, Cetearyl Alcohol, Dimethicone, Myristyl Myristate, Pentaerythrityl Tetraethylhexanoate, HDI/Trimethylol Hexyllactone Crosspolymer, Cetearyl Glucoside, Butyrospermum Parkii Butter, Oenothera Biennis (Evening Primrose) Oil, Glyceryl Stearate, PEG-100 Stearate, Phenoxyethanol, Parfum (Fragrance), Acrylates/C10-30 Alkyl Acrylate Crosspolymer, Triethanolamine, Hydrolyzed Caesalpinia Spinosa Gum, Disodium EDTA, Ethylhexylglycerin, Sodium Hyaluronate, Tocopherol, Xanthan Gum, Caesalpinia Spinosa Gum, Silica, Potassium Sorbate, Ceratonia Siliqua (Carob) Seed Extract, Croton Lechleri Resin Extract, Sodium Benzoate, Limonene, Geraniol, Linalool, Farnesol, Citral, Citronelloe

Rodial dragon´s blood XXL lip plumper $30

The Rodial dragon´s blood XXL lip plumper is a glossy formula that applies easy with the little brush applicator. You will get that tingly sensation and I found my lips appeared definately less wrinkly- you know those ugly vertical lines that you get, when you are older - well, mine look much nicer with the Rodial lip plumper for sure (see the before and after photo below). The tingly sensation lasts a couple of minutes for me- but remember that this can be very different for everyone. Personally I am not the biggest fan of cinnamon lip plumpers, as they always hurt me a bit too much- the Rodial lip plumper contains chilli extract as their plumping ingredient- which can be also irritating for some- or not- like for me! You just never know with these lip plumpers and you just have to try it out for yourself, to know which ingredients work for you and which don´t. I love that it already has somewhat of a light coral tint to it and it makes my lips look full, healthy and shiny. The Rodial lip plumper tastes sweet and fruity- very pleasant in my opinion.

CLICK FOR ENLARGED PHOTO

Ingredients:

Hydroxystearic/Linolenic/Oleic Polyglycerides, Olus Oil, Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil, Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond) Oil, Acacia Decurrens/Jojoba/Sunflower Seed Wax/Polyglyceryl-3 Esters, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea) Butter, Ethylhexyl Palmitate, Adansonia Digitata (Baobab) Seed Oil, Ribes Nigrum (Black Currant) Seed Oil, Cetearyl Ethylhexanoate, Candelilla Cera, Parfum (Fragrance), Mica, Capsicum Annum Resin/Capsicum Frutescens Resin, Tocopherol, Sorbitan Isostearate, Glycerin, Aqua (Water), Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil, Trihydroxystearin, Portulaca Pilosa Extract, Geraniol, Linalool, Sucrose Cocoate, Sodium Hyaluronate, Limonene, Croton Lechleri Resin Extract, Benzyl Alcohol, Palmitoyl Tripeptide-38, Potassium Sorbate, Sorbic Acid, Glucomannan, Citric Acid, CI 77891 (Titanium Dioxide), CI 15850 (Red 7), CI 75470 (Carmine).

Rodial Baking Powder $48 & The Baking Powder Brush $46

The Rodial Baking Powder is a silky smooth loose powder for setting and baking your makeup. It mattifies skin to give it a creamy, suede soft-focus finish whilst blurring imperfections for a beautiful complexion. I like that the powder is not white- but instead has more of a skin-tint to it and I find it gives an airbrushed look. This can be layered over full coverage concealer or foundation to ‘bake’ in your makeup and reduce shine. The packaging is very convenient! On one side it has a sifter, so you can shake a small amount of powder out and put on the brush- then you can tap the excess powder simply on the other side (the side without the sifter). Saves also product!

Ingredients:

Synthetic Fluorphlogopite, Talc, Polymethylsilsesquioxane, Silica, Boron Nitride, Hydrogen Dimethicone, Caprylyl Glycol, Squalane, Phenoxyethanol, Aluminum Hydroxide, Hexylene Glycol, Dehydroacetic Acid, Disodium EDTA, Aqua (Water), Pisum Sativum (Pea) Extract, Glucosamine HCL, Bambusa Vulgaris Leaf/Stem Extract May Contain (+/-): CI 77891 (Titanium Dioxide), CI 77492 (Iron Oxides), CI 77491 (Iron Oxides), CI 77742 (Manganese Violet), CI 77499 (Iron Oxides)

And the soft Rodial baking brush truly is the perfect tool for a loose powder. I like how wonderful soft this brush is and it has the perfect density and a great size- not too small and not too big. You’ll be able to apply your powder with ease and precision and it’s the ideal tool for buffing and dusting off excess powder so you can achieve that flawless suede matte finish to your complexion.

Ladies, if you can afford it, Rodial is such a wonderful luxurious brand that I can highly recommend! Rodial is available at Ulta, Saks, Spacenkusa, Nordstrom or you can check out Rodial´s website for more information!

Disclaimer: I received the products mentioned above for free. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. Contains Affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2qfc8P6 http://ift.tt/2plIYAT

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rajarshimo-blog · 7 years

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My wife loves a bisexual

7:30 AM in the morning and I wake up with a blissful peck on my left cheek and the smell of Maya’s unkempt morning hair falling on my face as her platinum pendant touched my upper lip, hanging from her neck. Our eyes stared at each other with utmost wonder, love and satisfaction while the faces gently welcomed each other’s breath. It was a momentary silence and I was completely lost in her eyes. I was reminded of how this journey began two years back. The redolence of her moisturizer and the residue smell of the aqua cologne she put last night oozed out of her shoulder, which furtively glanced at me, something my eyes could not rebuff. She wrapped the both of us in her arms, her warmth simply pulverized the chilly December morning in Bangalore and made me feel like a kitty draped inside a furry blanket. I had already decided to abandon my early morning tennis session and stay with Maya for the next couple of hours and look at her looking at me, making me feel special, cuddling and caressing me with her tenderness and her unequivocal love. She was poised to leave the bedsheet embarrassed enough to mark this date bright on our calendar. 6th December 2016. “A very happy anniversary to you, love”, Maya’s lips whispered before they harboured on mine. I kept quiet. I needed to tell her something.

Ours was an arranged marriage. I was 30, working in an IT company, placed in Bangalore and staying alone, all the reasons adequate enough to force a bachelor get married in our society. My parents would pull out the most bizarre arguments off the cask to hook me up with a random Malayalee woman and have me domesticated. Sometimes it was about the incremental panic attacks which Amma (my mother) said, she suffered thinking about my future, staying all alone with no one to look after me when she is gone. Other times, it was just about achen’s (my dad) deteriorating health conditions worrying about the personal instabilities of my life. They had used up all the possible know-hows to convince me that it was enough and I must get married. While my disinterest in almost all the alliances, brought in by the family purohit dejected amma, she finally gave up and passed on the baton to my sister who, excitedly created my matrimonial profile on Jeevansathi and started her hunt, a fresh this time. The entire Krishnan clan was all set to hit the bullseye – get Sudha married.

Sudhakar Krishnan, yeah that’s me. We are a traditional Malayalee family from Palakkad, Kerala. My father is a retired Chartered Accountant and my mother is a housewife. Sumana, my younger sister is currently studying in the eleventh standard at the Kanikkamatha Convent School. I had left Palakkad after my boards and came to this beautiful cosmopolitan city of Bengaluru, then called Bangalore. 13th June, 2004, I still remember the date. A mind filled with hope and soul full of aspiration, the four years of engineering in the Bangalore Institute of Technology, undoubtedly, is the best four years of my life. Even though I got placed with Deloitte, Hyderabad, after my engineering, I left Deloitte soon and joined HCL Info systems and then finally moved to Google- all in Bangalore. I am such a Bangalorean, I feel. This is my city and it has never disheartened me. It has seen me grow up, been through my adolescence and had spread its arms open every time when I felt sad and lonely during my late night walks down the streets of M G Road. Toit has gifted me the best New Year parties, Mosque Road has been my house during all the Eids, Nandi Hills never ceased to be the compulsory weekend gateway and Amrut was the mandatory collectable from Gopalan Mall. Bangalore has grown inside me every passing day, it acted as a catalyst in my growing up and taught me how to become a self-made man, away from amma and achen. But honestly, with so much of external influence and the fast pace living of Bangalore, my character did not change much. I am still the shy, timid, soft spoken Sudha of Azad Central School, Palakkad. Like my parents, Sumana and I are extremely simple and ordinary. Even though Bangalore has changed a lot of traits in me and my outlook, yet the basic DNA stayed unchanged. I am still mad about my collection of Ambi Subramaniam, I still enjoy cooking occasionally and even today my day starts with a morning prayer, as it used to be during my childhood days while amma did the puja and Sumana, achen and I used to stand behind her for the prasad. She would typically roam around the house with the aarti stand, taking the blessings of Guruvayurappan to every possible corner. I was extremely scared of lizards then, I am still scared of lizards now. I was obedient, well-mannered and geeky then, I am still the same. Most importantly I have always been socially awkward. I was worst when it came to small talks and conversing with strangers, I still am just the same. Speaking to Maya that evening at her Koramangala residence is by far, the bravest thing I have ever done in my life.

Maya’s was one of the profiles shortlisted for me by Sumana. We went to see Maya after a long and tiring day after meeting quite a few shortlisted alliances around South Bangalore. I could notice amma getting frustrated every time we came out of a prospective bride’s house and I shrugged off the possibility of taking it any further. Maya’s were the last house we visited that day. They stayed at the Springfield Oak complex on the 2nd E Main road, adjacent to the Nayantara Techno School and very close to the Munishwara Temple, Koramangla. Achen had already spoken with Mr Rajan, Maya’s father, over the telephone and confirmed him about our first ceremonial visit to their residence. I had only overheard from achen and amma’s conversation the previous night that Mr Rajan is a retired army official and his wife is a primary school teacher at Carmel Garden Public School. Their only daughter Maya worked with the British Broadcasting Corporation as an HR executive. Like a lot of other techies in my industry, my equation with the HRs has never been that promising. They are eloquent, dominating, complicated and explicit – so unlike a regular human being of blood and flesh. I was already tired, exhausted, embarrassed looking at my parents’ desperation to get me married. Before I could sulk more, I had to prepare myself for another awkward sixty minutes of my life, the moment Sumana rang the Rajan’s doorbell.

Maya’s prepossessing appearance, her vehement eyes and the unexacting innocence she had on her face turned out to be the deciding factor for our marriage. Her discernible presence in the room was salubriously addictive and had already taken me to a state of oblivion forgetting the worries of this physical world. We kept on looking at each other silently, defeating the ticking clock and increasing heart beats. Maya turned out to be that confidence which I have always looked for in my life, all my life. Her non-judgmental approach towards me and my perception about the poignant world pulled me the closest to her within a moment; closest to any woman I have been, ever in my life. Not even for a fraction of second I felt awkward or embarrassed. I have undoubtedly spent the best thirty minutes sitting on the leather couch in her south-facing room, talking about the quotidian of our lives nonchalantly, letting the dry June Bangalore wind drench me from within. Maya is the first and the last woman I have had in my life. She has been a strong support, a confidante, a friend and an extremely understanding wife one can ever think of. Post our first meeting with the Rajan family and my first breathtaking thirty minutes with Maya, it did not take us much time to decide on our marriage. The date was fixed, the cards were printed, the guests were invited and the Mangala Kalyana Mantapa temple was booked to host the wedding ceremony. Everything happened fast, very fast. Before I could even catch up with the pace of how things changed around me, I found myself wearing the white mundu, seated right beside Maya on the mandapa, narrating the mantras of marriage after the purohit. I was panicked, scared and trembled with the fear of getting into something which I have been avoiding all this while for some unknown reason. Though Maya’s comforting palm gripped my soul escaping the eyes of everyone standing around the mandapa, I was frantically panting from within. It felt like I was diving into a vacuum without any clue of a survival method. “Be strong, we will work it out,” Maya whispered to my ears, pacifying down my heartbeat and the increasing restlessness which had already started gulping me down in its vastness. “It’s a marriage, no one’s asking you to fight at the borders. And trust me; I will be a nice wife,” Maya winked while her rhapsodically radiant face with all the bridal makeup succored in my anxiousness. In a blink’s time we were married and everything else around me came to a standstill. I discovered a different side of life. All this while, staying alone in Bangalore, I felt, I just exist. Now, I live. With Maya, my perception about life and the world changed. The shy kid of Azad Central School got a friend who would understand him, love him and be with him, no matter what. Honestly my relationship with Maya is beyond the regular married-couple chemistry. She would bully me, make fun of me, inspire me to create a better presentation and at the same time canoodle me to sleep every night when I am tired. I can just be myself to her and don’t need to pretend. In the last two years she has known me in and out, she has known me more than anyone else. Maya has known me more than I have known myself. I have never hidden anything from her. And probably that’s the reason I have been spending sleepless nights past three months gulping a lie down my throat. Never did I think, I would hide anything from the person I love the most; never did I think I would go through something like this, anatomically. At times I feel like draining myself down the basin with the droplets of the water which pierces through my skin every time I look at the mirror and question myself. I look at my body thinking what exactly went wrong, the guilt of which is bleeding from every other pore of my conscience. I have started hating myself; I cannot look at Maya’s eyes anymore thinking how she would react once she gets to know about this, this discovery of myself. The fear of losing Maya is stabbing me on my chest, crushing all the amazing moments we have spent together in the last two years. It is assassinating all the dreams that we have seen for the both of us in the coming times. I feel like I have murdered my own happiness, I have murdered Maya and the trust she had on me, I feel like I have slaughtered our marriage. And it all started off three months back when I met Rajeev for the first time.

Rajeev Suresh, the 45 years old gray haired awestruckingly smart, tall, well dressed new employee of our company. Rajeev joined Google some six months back as a Security Expert and is leading a team of eight. He is mightily eloquent, outstandingly witty, extraordinarily informed and courageously artistic about himself. Rajeev and I share a common interest in tennis and often we have spent hours after work in the common room shouting for Novak Djokovic in whatsoever tournament he played. We have shared the same tub of popcorn during the weekend film show at office; we have sipped the same glass of coke and never cared about anything. I have constantly ogled at Rajeev escaping his notice; I have counted his heartbeats every time we went for the sauna after our early morning tennis sessions. The wet silence of the room and the moistness of my soul has pulled me towards him, seduced my imagination and made me crave for him more and more every passing day. We only got introduced to each other at the Google’s annual day celebration couple of months back. Rajeev was celestially standing at a corner of the ball room holding a glass of champagne in his hand. He had just performed a violin piece of the melancholic The Lark Ascending by Vaughan Williams and all the female employees of Google were already head over heels for him. He seemed to notice everything from a distance and enjoyed his lionization, within. He kept on sipping his champagne while Meenakshi, the HR, dragged me by my arm and walked boldly towards Rajeev, breaking the bubble of his self-captivation. Meenakshi was already submerged in the Rajeev’s aura and just wanted someone to accompany her while she would try to pick up a conversation with the oldly young man of the night. We shook hands, his was firm, strong. We started speaking. Meenakshi’s lack of knowledge on world music, literature, Indian politics, the history of wine, Novak Djokovic, Microsoft’s acquisition of Skype and Oscar Wilde had already thrown Rajeev to a distance far away from her. I could see Rajeev losing his interest in speaking with such a terribly uninformed and shallow woman. It was anytime that he would either take an excuse from the both of us or would pretend making a phone call and escape the grotesquely meaningless ongoing conversation with Meenakshi and would never ever look at her in his lifetime. Meenakshi too had started feeling embarrassed and awkward for not being able to enter into a dialogue with Rajeev and hence started frantically gulping down her wine looking here and there. Rajeev, who was all set to walk away and save Meenakshi from further embarrassment suddenly looked at me and asked, “You like music?” I was already awed by his baritone voice and those inquisitive eyes. “I do. But I am not an expert like you,” I replied with a smile. “Hah! I am no expert, I just listen and try to recreate. I am no biggie you see, just another fan of world music”. I am sure Rajeev did not mean what he said. He knew he is good and he enjoyed it. “So you like the violin?” he asked and looked for the waiter to grab another glass of champagne. He did. “I do. Even though I am a big fan of Ambi Subramaniam, I think Dwaram Bhavanarayana Rao and Dwaram Venkataswamy Naidu were the real maestros,” I replied shyly. “And don’t you think Johar Ali Khan deserves a special mention?” Rajeev’s eyes strangled me, tied my conscience, breathed heavily and charged me with all the strength. “Well I think he is good but there’s a lack of pain and solitude in his music. His music is worldly and connected. That’s probably not my choice,” I replied. Rajeev kept looking at me. The profoundness of his love for music and depth of his eyes had penetrated deep inside me. His condensed voice and the confident choice of the words he made while conversing had created a crater in the way I had perceived the world so far and had given into its norms and stereotypes. This was one strange feeling which I never encountered before. At least for another man.

After the first encounter, Rajeev and I met plenty of times. Sometimes walking down the streets of Kaggadaspura Main Road till the time we reached the CV Raman Nagar Café Coffee Day and Rajeev ordered his signature double shot espresso and a green tea for me. We have spoken for hours, spoken on topics I have never spoken with anyone before. We have debated over politics, music, technology, love and sex. That was the first time Rajeev said how he and his wife separated couple of years back and have successfully moved on and still stayed friends. I did not ask Rajeev much about his personal life as I was more engrossed in the movement of his lips and the way his eyes expressed its wonder for the world, satisfaction with himself and the appreciation for life. Rajeev’s indomitable spirit to live every moment was ecstatic and contagious. He is like a bottle of sparkling water, ever waiting to come out and splash your soul. We have spent hours at the Electronic City Oxford Book Store after our regular office hours, sulking through the pages of First Love by Samuel Beckett, arguing about the cinematic adaptation of The Mother by Maxim Gorky and looking at each other silently keeping a copy of The Decay of Lying on the table while Rajeev sipped through his espresso. Oscar Wilde was one of the common points of interest apart from Djokovic, music, technology and social revolutions. We kept looking at each other and time passed like a flying comet, leaving us bewildered, buoyant and lonely with an unsaid wish and few unspoken words.

“Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.” Rajeev sat on the couch beside me wearing a white pajama and a polo t-shirt, his right leg crossing over the left, his glasses saggily resting on his nose, his gray stubble pinching his spotless bright face, the incessant smoke of the cigar Rajeev held on his left hand sore up to the ceiling of the house like a beatific snake, the glass of red wine, kept on the small tea table right in front of the couch waited for Rajeev to kiss it through and take it in, deep inside his body. I kept on looking at him while he read me out his favorite part of our favorite novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. I drank the passionate serendipity of his face. Rajeev had invited me to his place for a dinner last night and had cooked for the both of us. He knew I am a vegetarian and hence, had carefully prepared a bowl of Thai coconut and vegetable soup, the recipe of which he said was his intellectual take away from his last trip to Thailand. For him, he is a fish freak and I was astonished to see how skillfully he had prepared his smoked tuna. The artistically cut jalapeno and the freshness of the olives screamed out for Rajeev’s fascination for fishes and for cooking, by large. The drinks kept on pouring and my soul kept getting moist to moister with Rajeev’s monologues and the warmth of his voice. I had totally given myself into him, I had submitted my conscience to Rajeev’s love for English literature, I had surrendered my frustration for the monotony of the dailies to Rajeev’s flamboyant expectation from tomorrow and his urge to break the so called stability of life and give birth to mayhem. I had completely let myself sink into the man of my life.

However, amidst my happiness with Rajeev, the constant pressure of morality kept biting my stomach and I was thrown to a loop of hopelessness and betrayal thinking what had I done to Maya and our marriage in the past three months. Even though I had discovered a different color of emotion with Rajeev, my love for Maya is selfless, it is spot-free. But this dimension of life that I had just discovered is completely toxic and orgasmic. Every time I am with Rajeev, I love letting myself go, get drowned in his fondness for me, get drenched soulfully every time he holds my hand while crossing the streets. But with Maya, I love being the man, I love taking care of her, I love to pamper her and whisper to her ears that she is the best thing that has happened to me ever. I am utterly confused with my current state of mind and body. Rajeev’s touch does give me goose bumps but Maya’s hugs are incomparable, blissful and surrendering. With Rajeev, it has been just three months, with Maya, we have walked two beautiful years of my life. With Rajeev I don’t even know whether he has the same attachment for me, the unparalleled affection which I have for him. With Maya, I know I am her life. With Rajeev, he is a just another single and beautiful man who is a womanizer, he loves the attention he gets and he craves for more, which he definitely deserves. With Maya, I am her world, all she needs is my attention, my love, my care and everything that I can do for her, no one else. I am so brutally confused thinking what to do.

I keep on staring at the ceiling while Maya pertinaciously ride me on, celebrating the second year of our togetherness. I have completely stripped down to her, emotionally in the last two years. Loyalty is what I have always been proud of. But everything just got drowned all of a sudden. Maya’s eyes kept looking at my face. She breathed heavily while her hands pulled mine to her waist, to hold her tight. Our eyes met and I was reminded of all the amazing moments we have spent together, the first time we spoke, the time she comforted me when I was freaking out during our marriage, the time when I was sloshed at our honeymoon and she rolled me to the bed, changed my clothes and kept herself awake so that I could sleep peacefully. How can I forget that? With Rajeev, it was always like a crush. He is the one whom I dream of. He is the one who lets me discover this side of my life, myself and my body, breaking all the stereotypes of the society. Rajeev is the place where I can escape to but Maya is my home. I keep on thinking how she had been such a strong support during my troublesome days when I got back home late, completely frustrated over a failed presentation or the days I fought with my colleagues and even the days when I was terribly disappointed, within, unable to catch a glance of Rajeev the entire day. Maya was always there, patiently. How can I let her down? How can I let things go just because of my whims over an old man? I was never confused about my orientation, never during my childhood or adolescence. What suddenly went wrong with me? My self-discovery is definitely taxing my peace and my marriage. Also I think I am cheating on both Maya and Rajeev. I am thrown into the complexities of loving my wife and my colleague at the same time. I can be anything but a cheat. This should stop.

Maya held herself down, leaned backwards, still on top of me. She was sweating badly, both of us just had our moments, her temples were gazing at me and cursing me for whatever I have done to myself and Maya in the last three months. Maya descended herself beside me, wet, still sweating and breathing fast. Her lips touched mine as they kissed and wished me again, “Happy anniversary love”.

I think I should call up Rajeev and tell him this should stop. This cannot go on. I am cheating on the both of them. I am cheating on myself. I release myself from Maya and look out for the mobile phone. I dial Rajeev, the last dialed number since yesternight. I call him up to confess and end things;

“Hello…,” the heavy voice of a woman pierced my soul. She echoed a wild night, out of her voice. Suddenly I hear Rajeev with, his trademark baritone note speaking over the woman, “keep it aside baby and come here”. It sank me in. I felt cheated. I immediately visualized Rajeev sleeping next to a woman, naked. I imagined how he must have pleasured this woman, all night. I pictured Rajeev tossing himself on the woman and soring her voice, the result of which I just heard. I felt betrayed and instantly disconnected the call. I still could not believe what just happened.

I rushed to the loo and vomit profusely. The soup and the wine I had last night with Rajeev just came out, along with my madness for him. I walked back to the bed. I saw Maya still lying down, waiting for me. I silently took the blanket and covered myself up, close to her. She spooned me again, turned my face to her and asked, “Anything’s wrong baby? Is something bothering you?” I look into her eyes while tears rolled down my face. She hugged me tighter and cuddled me. “Baby I love you,” was all that I could say. “Aww, my baby….you are such a rainbow. Rainbow of emotions. You are my baby,” she whispered. “Happy anniversary my rainbow”, Maya kissed my forehead.

Maya knows me well, she knows me the most. Just that I wish she knew that I am truly a rainbow, not just emotionally but more. I love Maya and I have loved Rajeev. I have made Maya moan and yet craved for Rajeev. My truth is Maya and my fantasy is Rajeev. I don’t think I can ever tell Maya that I am truly not the gray, blue, green, pink colors in a color box. I am all of them. I am all of it. I am the vibgyor. The rainbow.

#bisexual #homosexual #lgbt #love #romance #gayrights #marriage

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