#cannoli stim | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mythgirlimagines · 3 years

Text

ANON-CORRECT QUOTES

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Janon: (sleep-deprived because of the other Anons bothering him) BE QUIET, YOU PIECES OF SH**!

Iris/Curious: (scared of Janon's outburst)

Janon: (to Iris and Curious, in an oddly kind tone of voice) Not you two. You're both angels, and we're all thrilled you're here.

Iris/Curious: (smiling at Janon's kind words)

Source: Parks and Recreation

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Myth: (singing) I want to see my little boy!~

Wyre: (runs in, holding Cannoli) Here he comes!

Myth: (singing) I want to see my little boy!~

Source: Vine

Video Source: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgbGiExvqi8)

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Dream: Come on, Nerd! You've got to confess your feelings to Myth!

Scar: I agree with the Demon of Energy!

Nerd: (in debater mode) What are you basing your argument off of?

Scar: (dramatically) The spirits!

Scar: (under her breath) And also severe concern for Myth's health...

Dream: (proudly) My gut!

Nerd: (sarcastically) Great! So you've got ghosts and cellulite! Guess I should just go confess to Myth!

Source: Psych

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Sparkle: (patiently waiting in the common room)

Fusion: (loudly) Sparkle!

Sparkle: (excited) FUSION!

Fusion: (running in, holding snacks in his arms while stimming happily) Sparkle! Sparklesparklesparklesparklesparkle! Today's the day! Did you tape it?!

Sparkle: (being purposefully cryptic) OH, WHATEVER COULD YOU MEAN?

Fusion: (betrayed by his fellow autistic) Sparkle! You promised me!

Sparkle: (brandishing a video tape) OH! ARE YOU PERHAPS TALKING ABOUT THE REBOOT OF THE CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED MASTERPIECE OF THE MAGICAL GIRL GENRE, KNOWN AS "STELLAR SERENITY", THAT I, THE SPECTACULAR SPARKLE, HAVE RECORDED ON THIS VIDEO TAPE?

Fusion: (squealing and happy-stimming)

Sparkle/Fusion: (jumping in joy) HOORAY! STELLAR SERENITY: NEW STAGE!

Source: Steven Universe Future

Video Source: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJpN9yWQsmI)

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Fusion II: (to the other Anons) Okay! It has come to my attention that some of you think I'm a big nerd. This is egregious, so I am here to lay down the facts!

Fusion II: One: I am very cool!

Fusion II: Two: I am currently wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses!

Fusion II: Three: Nerds do not own aviator sunglasses!

Fusion II: Four: My friend Dream owns a volleyball, and I touched it once!

Fusion II: Five-

Source: Tumblr

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(After the Freak Twin's cursed schemes resulted in half of Purple's poetry being incinerated...)

Purple: (with a dark look on her face)

Wet Sock: (slightly scared) Whoa there, Purple! You're being a little-

Purple: (rising fury) Obstreperous? Recalcitrant?! TRUCULENT?!

Egg: (shrugging) They were gonna say "cray-cray"!

Source: Modern Family

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(During the Mastermind trial...)

Survivor!Eldritch: A-Are you a b-bad guy?!

The Fancy One: Well, it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?~★

Survivor!Eldritch: (confidently) HA! Gotcha! That's EXACTLY the kind of thing bad guys say! Oh, h-holy stars! You r-really are a b-bad guy, aren't you?!

Source: Red VS Blue

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Please let me know what you think of these quotes, and stay tuned for more additions to AO3 by FatherFigureFusion! I hope you like this week's quotes!

-Fusion Anon

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Very nice quotes!

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pixieungerstories · 5 years

Text

Housemates - 2

(Pictures are on Patreon since Tumblr won’t let me) In which we learn many things about the guys. Including Bazur’s absentmindedness about pants.

“This is ridiculous,” Kevin declared. He was currently a shadow humanoid wearing a wooden box as shorts. “No one wants to work for us, guys. The only reason we are getting applications is that Bazur said ‘diverse’ instead of ‘monstrous’ and it only takes one of us answering the doorbell to figure that out.”

Thea shrugged, “It got better once Bazur stopped answering the door in a leather jock strap.”

Kogan laughed. “But then he has to wear pants all the time.”

Derick rolled his eyes, “Dude! Pants! It’s a thing! It should be the minimum level of clothing here anyway! I don’t want to head into the kitchen for a snack and find someone running around with their ass hanging out.” He turned to Bazur, “You just aren’t that cute.”

Bazur frowned, “This is my house! And anyway, Thea and Dren don’t have to wear pants.”

Dren looked up from the bowl of soup he was slowly absorbing. “I can wear pants. I do at work.”

Tristan considered all of this. “She can’t be any worse than the last one.”

Kevin grinned, showing off a mouthful of needle-like teeth, “The last one was really into you.”

“The last one was objectifying me.”

Kogan cleared his throat. “You know we aren’t paying enough for this to be a full time job, right? We can’t all just keep being slobs. Whoever we get will be here to help, not do all the work for us. No leaving soup out when you are done with it Dren. We just got rid of the ants.”

Dren shrugged, “I never leave my dirty dishes out.”

Bazur nodded, Dren never did. Derick never did, he couldn’t stand the smell. Kogan kept his space military level clean. No, that was a not so subtle dig at him, Thea and Kevin.

But mostly Kevin.

The tenants weren’t exactly clear what Kevin did for a living. He kept odd hours. He never talked about it, and he always paid in cash with small bills. At one point Dren and Tristan had gotten drunk and speculated on Kevin being some sort of stripper. Kogan had laughed his great booming laugh and put five dollars on Kevin being a smuggler.

It didn’t matter. No one had been able to find out.

Bazur knew, but he wasn’t talking.

In the end, they cleaned before the interview. No point in scaring her off too soon. Bazur made sure to book the interview when the boys would be out. He was dressed and ready to go an hour before she was due to show up. He spent his time pacing.

The problem was the house was huge. The maid services he had contacted had all quoted hundreds of dollars a week and that didn’t include cooking or menu planning, a task that was universally despised in the house. It hadn’t been easy to clear the junk out of the attic, but including room and board was their best chance at getting someone. Humans didn’t eat much, and the campus was mostly human.

Hell, the whole town was mostly human. Dren was the only gelatinous Bazur had ever seen in town, and he had been hired specifically to work with autistic kids. The man was practically a living stim toy.

Bazur jumped when the doorbell rang. He was shocked when he opened the door. So was she, but she recovered first. He knew that Vincensia was a fourth year biochem major at the U. He knew she had won a scholarship to pay for her tuition. He wasn’t expecting her to be beautiful. And outgoing and friendly in a way that went beyond what most people brought to the table when talking to not humans. Bazur managed to fumble through most of the house tour on auto pilot after having done it so many times before.

He was doing fine until she asked about porn.

At that point he was sure it was over.

He was shocked that she agreed to come to dinner.

Oh hell! She was coming to dinner! What were they going to feed her?

-----

That night it was pizza take out. Three pepperoni, one ham and pineapple, one vegetarian, and (because KEVIN) one pineapple and sardines.

Bazur was surprised. No one asked. Finally after this third beer, Kogan belched and asked, “Did this one even make it through the door?”

“Yeah, she did,” Derick said. “I could smell her in my room when I got home.

“She’s coming for dinner on Friday.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

The room erupted in sound. Everyone started yelling. Tristan wanted to know what she thought of the tour. Krogran wanted to know what species she was. Dren wanted to know what she looked like. Thea wanted to know if she was freaked out by his room.

Bazur waited for them to run down. “Human, gorgeous, Italian - so you know her cooking will be amazing, lives with her parents, didn’t freak out about there being a drider or a mimic, but she wants her mom’s approval before she takes the job. And I’m pretty she if we let either her or her mom sit on Kevin, all bets are off.”

They all went quiet at that.

“Um… “ Tristan started, “When you say gorgeous...”

“Long dark hair, huge dark eyes, creamy skin, Sophia Loren’s curves,” Kevin answered. “I can’t believe she’s coming back to meet us losers. She could make five bills in five minutes at a strip club.”

“She has concerns about the workload. She made a fair point, we advertised as a good job for a student, but if she needs to spend all of her out of class time cleaning up after us, she won’t have time to study. She estimated that cooking supper and washing up was a ninety minute job all on her own. I said we would organize taking care of the washing up if she needed. She was worried that-”

“Holy shit!” Kogan interrupted, “If she is planning on taking an hour to make dinner, she is cooking from scratch!”

They all stopped to consider this,

Dren nodded slowly, “It only takes 15 minutes to throw a frozen pizza in the oven.”

Thea blinked, it was impressive. “We can’t fuck this one up guys.”

They all looked at Kevin. He was currently human shaped, if humans came in wood grain and had a lock set over his groin.

“What?”

----

They cleaned the kitchen. They had twelve place settings. Each of the guys had two and using someone else’s was a hanging offense. Each of them had his own pattern on his dishes. Dren had plain white from Ikea. Thea’s were black and square. Kogan’s were beige stoneware. Derick’s were stainless steel. Tristan’s were blue enamelled and came from a camping store. Bazur’s were Belleek. The Claddagh pattern.

Kevin…. Well Kevin’s were vintage novelty plates from Las Vegas featuring pin up girls.

Everyone knew that. They had just never really considered how that would look to an outsider.

“What?” Kevin demanded. “Hey, they aren’t the ones where the girls clothes fall off when the plates get warm.”

Dren looked horrified, “Is that a thing?”

“Yes,” chorused Kevin, Tristan and Kogan.

Bazur shook his head. “She can use my other set. I guess if she moves in, I’ll buy more dishes.”

They had decided to order in take away. Derick was out collecting a car full of Chinese food. Kogan wandered over to the fridge. It was full of beer. There were also pickles, ketchup and mustard and an elderly jar of mayo. “We are going to need to get her a separate fridge for cooking.”

Dren yelled from the dining room, “Does anyone even know if the stove works?”

“It works just fine!” Bazur yelled back.

Kogan raised an eyebrow. Bazur came over and tried turning on the burners. They all lit. Both men breathed a sigh of relief. Kogan opened the drawer under the oven. It was full of dust, mouse shit and cheap tin pots from the fifties. He looked at Bazur, “You buy her a fridge and I’ll buy her new pots, mixing bowls and plates. Deal?”

Bazur nodded slowly.

“I’ll pitch in for a stand mixer,” Thea said from the ceiling, making the other two jump. Once they were looking up at him, he added, “And Kogan is getting the short end of the stick. Outfitting a kitchen costs way more than a fridge.”

“She’s here!” Dren called.

Thea ran across the ceiling and down a wall, beating them all to the door. He wrenched it open and froze.

The girl’s eyes went wide then she blinked and blushed and said, “Wow! Um, sorry! I’ve just never met a drider before. Or, you know, um seen one. Argh! I’m being rude!” She held out a hand, took a deep breath and said, “Hi! I’m Vinny!”

Thea ran up a wall, across the ceiling and up the side of the the staircase.

Vinny looked a Bazur. “Sorry. Um. I’m not exactly off to a good start. But I brought cannoli for dessert.”

Derick was walking up the walk with a huge box of dinner, “Wow! Homemade cannoli?”

“Uh, yeah, like an audition.”

“You’re hired!” he announced. “Hell, forget the job, will you marry me?”

Vinny blinked, “No. But I will have an eggroll if you brought any.”

“OK.” he said easily as he walked past her. “Clear a path, food coming through!”

Kogan and Dren headed to the dining room. Derick followed with the box of food. Vinny was still standing on the step. Bazur smiled, “Come on in. They are all really excited to meet you.”

Vinny gave him a funny look.

“What?”

“I scared off your drider and you aren’t wearing pants.”

“Oh! Shit! Um. I’ll go get pants. I’m sure Thea just went to get Tristan.”

Vinny still didn’t come in. “Is the no pants thing going to be a thing?”

“NO! Um… maybe? I’ll get better at it, I promise.”

“Uh-huh.” Now she came in. She hung her coat on the hall tree and headed into the dining room.

(Sticker promotion runs until Feb 2, 2019, see Patreon for details)

#mimic #gargoyle #orc #werewolf #slime #minotaur #drider #monster boyfriend #poly #terato #exophilia

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