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arywizm · 3 years

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The Cruise (1970) directed by Marek Piwowski - A stowaway sneaks aboard a ship departing on a cruise down the Vistula River. The captain takes him for a Communist Party cultural coordinator and the intruder gladly adapts to his new role, immediately setting to work at manipulating the passengers and crew into silly and vaguely humiliating games. [x]

I'm aware that if you aren't familiar with poland's culture and history this might come off as woefully unfunny, however while the humour might not be universal, the absurd of it all certainly is.

Coffee and Cigarettes (2003) directed by Jim Jarmusch - The film is composed of a comic series of short vignettes shot in black and white built on one another to create a cumulative effect, as the characters discuss things such as caffeine popsicles, Paris in the 1920s, and the use of nicotine as an insecticide – all while sitting around drinking coffee and smoking [x]

"Now that we've quit, we can have one." That's it. That quote is all you need to know about this film.

Casting JonBenet (2017) directed by Kitty Green - Twenty years after the modern world’s most notorious child murder, the legacy of the crime and its impact are explored. [x]

I’m including it mostly because life very literally replaces logic in this one.

A Ghost Story (2017) directed by David Lowery - Recently deceased, a white-sheeted ghost returns to his suburban home to console his bereft wife, only to find that in his spectral state he has become unstuck in time, forced to watch passively as the life he knew and the woman he loves slowly slip away. [x]

It’s pretty and 92 minutes long, which is a perfect length for a film and that should be reason enough for you to watch it.

also the score is wonderful.

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) directed by Jim Jarmusch - A depressed musician reunites with his lover in the desolate streets of Detroit. Though their romance has endured several centuries, it is tested by the arrival of her capricious and unpredictable younger sister. [x]

the only other title that shows up when you type ‘only lovers’ into letterboxd is “Only Lovers Leave to Die” and I find that hilarious and very on brand for this film.

Annette (2021) directed by Leos Carax - The story of Henry, a stand-up comedian with a fierce sense of humor and Ann, a singer of international renown. In the spotlight, they are the perfect couple, healthy, happy, and glamourous. The birth of their first child, Annette, a mysterious girl with an exceptional destiny, will change their lives. [x]

what a wonderful fever dream this film is

Nomadland (2020) directed by Chloé Zhao - A woman in her sixties embarks on a journey through the Western United States after losing everything in the Great Recession, living as a van-dwelling modern-day nomad. [x]

this one made me fight really hard to not lose my ‘I don’t cry in public’ badge

‘I didn’t want my sailboat to be in the driveway when I died. So yeah. And it’s not. My sailboat’s out here in the desert.’

The Nest (2020) directed by Sean Durkin - Rory is an ambitious entrepreneur who brings his American wife and kids to his native country, England, to explore new business opportunities. After abandoning the sanctuary of their safe American suburban surroundings, the family is plunged into the despair of an archaic ’80s Britain and their unaffordable new life in an English manor house threatens to destroy the family. [x]

100% convinced it was the horse’s ghost that was responsible for all that tension

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) directed by Marielle Heller - An award-winning cynical journalist, Lloyd Vogel, begrudgingly accepts an assignment to write an Esquire profile piece on the beloved television icon Fred Rogers. After his encounter with Rogers, Vogel’s perspective on life is transformed. [x]

it's been two years and I'm still as confused and conflicted about this film as I was the night I watched this

Corpus Christi (2019) directed by Jan Komasa - A pious 20-year-old juvenile delinquent is sent to work at a sawmill in a small town; on arrival, he dresses up as a priest and accidentally takes over the local parish. [x]

After watching this I spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to figure out how the same person who created Suicide Room could make something this good. turns out he didn't write this one. mystery solved.

The Farewell (2019) directed by Lulu Wang - A headstrong Chinese-American woman returns to China when her beloved grandmother is given a terminal diagnosis. Billi struggles with her family’s decision to keep grandma in the dark about her own illness as they all stage an impromptu wedding to see grandma one last time. [x]

some people laugh during this one and some cry and all of them are right to do so

Shoplifters (2018) directed by Hirokazu Kore-eda - After one of their shoplifting sessions, Osamu and his son come across a little girl in the freezing cold. At first reluctant to shelter the girl, Osamu’s wife agrees to take care of her after learning of the hardships she faces. Although the family is poor, barely making enough money to survive through petty crime, they seem to live happily together until an unforeseen incident reveals hidden secrets, testing the bonds that unite them.

watched this one sitting on the floor right in front of the screen with someone's knee in my back, it was awful and I would do it again for this film

#film recommendation #movie recommendation #the cruise #coffee and cigarettes #a ghost story #casting jonbenet #only lovers left alive #annette #nomadland #the nest #a beautiful day in the neighborhood #shoplifters #corpus christi #the farewell #film #movieblr #rec list #AR noise pollution

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tearsofgrace · 3 years

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turns out i’m not done with this !!

@wanderingcas i love you but i do blame you for this

the seven sonnets of michelangelo, written by benjamin britten for his long-time partner peter pears (who later described them as the best thing britten had ever given him) are a song cycle written for piano and tenor. besides like the real world implications of this making me go feral because GOD (for context, britten died in 1976) they FIT DESTIEL REALLY DAMN WELL OKAY????

so here’s the link

the lyrics come from translations (done by pears) of michelangelo’s sonnets if that wasn’t clear

im not gonna do a musical analysis, even though like god that also fits destiel perfectly, but ima look at individual prose (coming from the translations of michelangelo’s original work) below the cut, feel free to scroll darlings

sonetto xvi

Just as there is a high, a low, and a middle style in pen and ink, and as within the marble are images rich and poor, according as our fancy knows how to draw them forth:

so within your heart, dear love, there are perhaps, as well as pride, some humble feelings: but I draw thence only what is my desert and like to what I show outside on my face.

Whoever sows sighs, tears and lamentations (Heaven’s moisture on earth, simple and pure, adapts itself differently to different seeds) reaps and gathers grief and sadness:

whoever looks on high beauty with so great a grief reaps doubtful hopes and sure and bitter pain.

okay so the best part of equating all this to destiel is that for the most part, the sonnets they chose to translate deal with the bad parts of love, the unfulfilled rejection and Despair (sorry) if you will

the last line in this one really REALLY kills me. “high beauty” being cas and dean being the one looking and reaping only pain.

also just the heaven imagery in general and the bitterness of it all... kill me now?

sonetto xxxi

Why must I go on venting my ardent desire in tears and melancholy words, if Heaven that dresses the soul in grief, never, soon or late, allows relief?

Why should my weary heart long for death since all must die? So to these eyes my last hours will be less painful, all my grief being greater than any joy.

If, therefore, I cannot avoid these blows, nay, even seek them, since it is my fate, who is the one that stands always between joy and grief?

If to be happy I must be conquered and held captive, no wonder then that I, unarmed and alone, remain the prisoner of a Cavalier in arms.

the complete hopelessness in this one gives me all kinds of feels. the idea that maybe the reason cas couldn’t have dean is because all the hurt and pain and grief that fills the small space between them overwhelms the happiness they could have in being together

and then of course the last line.. is SO cas. “if to be happy i must be conquered” hahahahahhaa this is fine

sonetto xxx

With your lovely eyes I see a sweet light that yet with my blind ones I cannot see; with your feet I carry a weight on my back which with my lame ones I cannot; with your wings I, wingless, fly; with your spirit I move forever heavenward; at your wish I blush or turn pale, cold in the sunshine, or hot in the coldest midwinter.

My will is in your will alone, my thoughts are born in your heart, my words are on your breath.

Alone, I am like the moon in the sky which our eyes cannot see save that part which the sun illumines.

finally a happy one !

“with your wings I, wingless, fly” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

plus PLUS the whole “with your BLANK i BLANK” is just soooo reminiscent of cas learning how to feel from dean. i’m. going. to. scream.

“my will is in your will alone” ................. “i always come when you call”

AND! THEN! THE! MOON! AND! SUN! THING! THAT! WE! ALL! TALK! ABOUT! WITH! DEAN AND CAS! (looking at marlo) @heller-jensen

sonetto lv

Though know’st, beloved, that I know thou know’st that I am come nearer to enjoy thee more; and thou know’st that I know thou know’st that I am still the same. Why, then, do I hesitate to greet thee?

If the hope thou givest me is true, if true the strong desire that is granted me, the wall between us crumbles, for secret griefs have double force.

If I love in thee, beloved, only what thou lovest most, do not be angry; for so one spirit is enamoured of another.

That which in thy lovely face I yearn for and seek to grasp, is but ill understood by human kind, and he that would see it, first must die.

the hesitation in this is key. the whole, if we know we’re in love why then are we waiting that just perfectly encapsulates dean and cas

and then. and THEN. the whole ethereal-ness of the second half. the whole next-to-godliness of those lines. the whole he’s AN ANGEL I DON’T KNOW IF HE CAN FEEL THAT WAY HE’S UNTOUCHABLE. kinda thing.

sonetto xxxviii

Give back to my eyes, you fountains and rivers, the waves of those strong currents that are not yours, which make you swell and grow with greater power than is your natural way.

And thou, heavy air, that dims the heavenly light to my sad eyes, so full of my sighs art thou, give them back to my weary heart and lighten thy dark face to my eye’s keen sight.

Earth, give me back my footsteps that the grass may sprout again where it was trod; and Echo, yet deaf to my laments, give back thy sound; and you blest pupils give back to my eyes their glances;

that I another time may love another beauty, since with me you are not satisfied.

this one isn’t actually destiel per se... this one is cas. this one is a broken afraid cas who’s just turned human and doesn’t know how to live and who is realizing he is in love with dean.

and he knows (thinks) dean could never love him back. everything, everything has changed for him since falling in love with dean. but he still thinks that dean will never be satisfied with him

sonetto xxxii

If love be chaste, if pity heavenly, if fortune equal between two lovers; if a bitter fate is shared by both, and if one spirit, one will rules two hearts;

if in two bodies one soul is made eternal, raising both to heaven on the same wings; if at one stroke and with a gilded arrow love burns and pierces two hearts to the core;

if in loving one another, forgetting one’s self, with one pleasure and one delight there is such reward that both wills strive for the same end;

if thousands and thousands do not make one hundredth part to such a bond of love, to such constancy, can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?

hehe this one makes me cry. like. fulllllll on cry.

highlights

“bitter fate is shared by both” “one will rules two hearts” i mean... i MEAN. don’t think i need to explain that

and then the next part. “in two bodies one soul is made eternal” with only dean having a soul and him drawing them together but then the VERY next part “raising both to heaven on the same wings” with only cas having wings i’m literally going feral someone take my keyboard away from me before i ASLDJFHA

“can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?”

“i don’t know why i get so angry. i just know it’s always been there. ... and i forgive you. of course i forgive you.”

because no matter how angry dean gets at cas, no matter how much he batters and abuses him, the bond between them will always live through it.

sonetto xxiv

Noble soul, in whose chaste and dear limbs are reflected all that nature and heaven can achieve with us, the paragon of their works:

graceful soul, within whom one hopes and believes Love, Pity and Mercy are dwelling, as they appear in your face; things so rare and never found in beauty so truly:

Love takes me captive, and Beauty binds me; Pity and Mercy with sweet glances fill my heart with a strong hope.

What law or earthly government, what cruelty now or to come, could forbid Death to spare such a lovely face?

so the last one is happy again (yay!!) and also basically just described the righteous man like i am not kidding.

like this is literally just cas telling dean how much he deserves and how everything he’s ever done he’s done because of love and i’m screaming.

and then. the SECOND half. is the second half of cas’ confession. really fitting that this is the last sonnet, huh? the end of their love story at least as we see it on screen.

this is just cas saying he loves dean. before he’s ripped away from him.

#this wasn't supposed to become a full meta !#but it has !#spn meta #my writing #classical music #oops #didn't mean to write 1.5k #...

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ickle-ronniekins · 4 years

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everything and more, part III

hi loves, here’s part tres for everything and more featuring your (two) favorite redhead(s) ! sorry if this is sad

A/N: also, if you’d like to conjure more emotion whilst reading this, listen to find me in the river by kj app + jj heller from the movie i still believe—it will seriously fuck you up lol

tag list for fred: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @how-do-life-does @semmelsemi @perksofbeingawf @cottageoflove

other: @gwenandtheunfortunatename @bbystrawberry0421 @valwritesx

PART I | PART II | EVERYTHING AND MORE

1997, Fall

You both had come a long way since school.

That young boy and girl felt so far away.

What happened to them?

Downstairs, Fred was helping George close up the shop. You peered out the window of your apartment and the dark clouds seemed to be swallowing the little town whole.

Things were different. The unknown was scary. You and Fred had been forced to grow up sooner than you’d wanted too.

You glanced at the pile of papers upon the desk in the bedroom.

The Daily Prophet was going absolutely wild with all of these stories and accusations.

Molly Weasley spent most of her evenings crying in agony.

So did you.

What happened to the sixteen year old girl who floated around the castle, not having a care in the world? Besides studying, of course. What happened to the boy that she loved—carefree and wild and happy-go-lucky? Sometimes, it seemed like he was gone.

Fred begrudgingly shut off the lights in the shop, taking the stairs one by one, very slowly. George had left for the Burrow, so it was just the two of you alone tonight. You’d been fighting more often than not. Things didn’t feel the same. They weren’t, of course.

“You need to stay and work with the Prophet. They need you! I don’t want you getting hurt! It’s too dangerous!”

“I don’t care about the bloody Prophet—I’m coming with you! Would you get it through your thick head already? I’m staying with you!”

There was a twinge of guilt in Fred’s heart as he thought on those arguments—too many to count on two hands, when he looked back. They were more frequent than not. He peered at the door, taking a few moments to just stand in front of your home before he entered. He was tired and sad, but most of all, he was more frightened than he’d ever been in his entire life.

He opened the door slowly, and he saw you in one of his button down shirts, singing something off key whilst making dinner underneath the pale yellow kitchen light. You smiled at him—perching your glasses on your nose and winking before pulling him into you.

No, wait. That couldn’t be right. He was daydreaming, longing for that. His eyes eventually adjusted to the scene in front of him. You were standing in the middle of the living space in the dull desk light, hurriedly scribbling something down on a piece of parchment, desperate to get this piece finished by midnight in just a few hours time.

“Still working?” he asked. No greeting. He felt guilt pull at his heart, but didn’t do anything to change it. He swallowed over a lump in his throat.

You looked up, wishing to be driven mad by his bright, toothy smile as he threw his suit jacket haphazardly over the couch and began unbuttoning his vest and shirt before chasing you into the bedroom, leaving dinner uneaten. But he stood near the door in the kitchen, running a hand through the back of his hair and placing his jacket on the coat hanger before turning on the tea kettle.

“Prophet’s going bonkers,” you told him, hardly looking up from the pile in your hands. “I’ll heat dinner in a moment. How’s the shop?”

“Business is dead lately,” Fred replied. “Not that I blame people. Wouldn’t want to be out during this madness, anyway.”

“Maybe it’ll pick up soon.”

“Love that enthusiasm of yours.”

At first you felt a surge of familiarity when you heard his sarcasm, expecting to see that silly smirk when you looked up. But instead you saw tired eyes and a clenched jaw as Fred pulled two teacups from the cabinet.

It seemed like it was only yesterday that Fred had told you he was leaving.

That he and his brother were opening something up in Diagon Alley.

It seemed like it was only yesterday that it was the first time you visited—a surprise, of course. Molly and Ginny kept you at the Burrow for a few days but didn’t say a word, so as not to make Fred suspicious. You were only in the store mere seconds, not even able to take everything in before he was teasing you and pulling you into a nearby closet, laughing playfully, desperate for your touch, even though it had only been a few months since graduation.

“Freddie—what’s gotten into you? Your brother is in the next room!”

“It’s been four months, darling—I’m not even going to try and resist you,”

You missed it desperately.

The whistle of the tea kettle pulled you back.

Fred was standing over it, letting the steam hit his skin. It was a few moments before he poured slowly. You watched him closely, examining his every movement. He was so tired.

He brought you a cup, smiling weakly at you before placing a featherlight kiss to your temple. You were supposed to be a couple in love—all over each other all the time, so cruciatingly, sickeningly in love—making everyone else second guess theirs, thinking, shouldn’t we be more like them? It seemed to all fade away once the impending war drew closer. Stress mixed with youth caused for a dangerous game, one you didn’t wish to play.

“Hungry?” you asked.

Fred turned to face you from the door of the bedroom. “It’s alright—I’ll fix myself a plate later. I know you’ve a lot of work to do, don’t want to interrupt. Have got to fix some malfunctions on a few products, anyway.”

You nodded guiltily before watching him offer a small grin before heading into the bedroom. Work had seemed to take over your entire life in the midst of all the chaos. He kept the door open—was it an invite? You didn’t know. You sat down at the desk instead, pulling at your hair and continuing to agonize over this article. You bit down on your lip so as not to cry.

Just a few feet away inside your room, Fred fought back tears as he fiddled around with perfectly in tune products for the shop. But you were so distracted, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, anyway.

1998, Late Winter/Early Spring

Instead of being covered in a glistening white blanket of snow, the Burrow looked rundown and forgotten. Surely spring was on it’s way and would brighten the place up a bit? You did your best to water the inside plants to perk them up, and began to brew a fresh pot of tea.

Mrs. Weasley came into the kitchen with a basket full of clean laundry.

“Here,” you said, handing her a teacup instead. “Let me help you. Take a rest.”

She’d been working herself to the bone nonstop. Normally, it was only you, Molly, and Ginny at the Burrow. Ron was God knows where with Harry and Hermione, Fred and George were at the shop, Percy and Bill and Arthur at work.

A few weeks prior, Fred had told you how worried he was that his mother didn’t look well, and wanted someone to check in on her more. It was almost a perfect opportunity, to spend some time away from one another—not that you wanted to, but it was becoming necessary. The fighting turned into monotone conversations about work, war, work, war. Nothing else was exchanged. Kisses were few and far between. You promised to stay at the Burrow a few days each week, looking after Mrs. Weasley and Ginny. Fred was grateful.

“Thank you, dear,” she said, taking a much needed rest on the couch. You sat down next to her.

You smiled softly and began to fold the laundry.

The silence between you both was comfortable, something you very much enjoyed about your relationship with Molly. It was never forced, and didn’t need to be. It was that way from the first day you met her all those years ago.

“D’you really...think we’ll be alright?” you asked suddenly when you found your voice. “After this war, I mean.”

“Oh, of course,” Mrs. Weasley said, but her eyes spoke differently. She was always telling the young ones different things, so as not to worry all of you. But with you, it was different. It always had been. She said she saw some sort of maturity in you, and didn’t mind being honest. She hesitated before confiding, “but I am very, very worried.”

“Me, too.”

She smiled weakly at you and placed a hand over yours. “About the war, dear?” she asked, and immediately, the tears began to well up in your eyes. “Or about Fred?”

Since the day you’d met, Molly had been like a second mother—taking you in under her wing, treating you as a daughter no matter what—which was comforting, especially during this time when you were far away from your family. You’d been crying yourself to sleep nearly every evening—whether it was at your desk, or as silently as you could next to Fred in your bedroom while he slept soundfully, or alone in the office, writing away while he was busy in the shop. And Fred was so sad and spread to thin as well, that he hadn’t even noticed. You choked on a loud cry and fell into Molly’s shoulder, sobbing violently. Like it had been pent up for so long, and was now bursting at the seams.

“Shh,” she told you quietly, running a hand over your hair. “It’s alright.” She had a bit of a hitch to her voice, and you knew she was trying everything in her power to hold it together for you in that moment. You squeezed her hand in gratefulness. You knew Fred had confided in her about your constant arguing, because you’d done the same, and she didn’t seem all that surprised when you told her. “You’re all so young to be dealing with so much.” She was right. You didn’t want to be worrying about a war every single bloody minute of everyday. It was taking a toll on everyone around you. “But pride, it’s...an awful thing. Just terrible.”

You knew that, but hearing it from Molly made all the difference. You barely even remembered what you and Fred had been arguing about. Stupid things, silly things. Which then turned into arguments about the war, and fighting in it. You can’t, he’d told you, you need to stay with Mum and Ginny. You’d fired back that you could do anything he could.

But she was right.

Molly pressed a kiss to your cheek before muttering, “Don’t let it pull you apart from the ones you love.”

Diagon Alley was desolate. It was extremely unnerving, a sight you wish you could unsee.

You weren’t surprised to see the lights in the shop off so early.

Nervously, you made your way upstairs.

When you walked into the apartment, Fred was sitting at the kitchen table, hovering over bills and paperwork and things. It aged him. You sighed at the sight. He looked up at you.

“Hi,” you said, your voice sounding broken. You cleared your throat and then asked, “You look exhausted. Have you eaten?”

“Hi. Erm, no,” he replied with a faint smile. “I was waiting for you. I figured we could whip something up together.”

You felt a twinge of guilt, but appreciated his patience. “‘M sorry I’m late, was having a chat with your mum.”

“She alright?”

“Yes,” you replied, placing a hand to his cheek. “Took some much needed rest.”

You began to pull ingredients out of the pantry and refrigerator to begin cooking something, and Fred did the same. You both fell into a comfortable silence as you worked. The kitchen warmed up, the chopping sound of the ingredients keeping you grounded and in the moment.

But still, your mind liked to wander.

At one point, Fred pointed to the countertop and said, “Chives and bacon?”

You stared at him. “But of course, it’s delicious—”

He let out a genuine laugh for the first time in...you didn’t even know how long. And it reminded you of when you’d first moved in together.

“You can’t put chocolate chips and blueberries in,”

“Well, why not?” you’d asked.

Fred snorted. Morning sunlight was flooding the kitchen. “Because, that’s—strange. It’s one or the other. You can’t possibly tell me that tastes good.”

You pressed a light kiss to his lips. “You haven’t had my pancakes yet, love. They’re delicious.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

But you hadn’t even gotten to breakfast that morning. Not until way later, when the pancake batter became warm and you’d both built up quite an appetite. You’d become...tied up, literally.

“Reckon we should probably eat,” you told him as he nuzzled closer.

“Five more minutes?”

You pulled the bed sheet over your bare chest and snuggled into him. “Fine. But only because you asked nicely.”

“Thought I already was being nice for the last hour and a half,” he winked.

You slapped him playfully before he pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours.

“I’m holding you to that,” Fred said, bringing you to the present. He placed his hand on the small of your back as he reached above you to grab something from a high cabinet. You saw traces of that young boy when you looked at him, a small grin tugging at the edges of his lips. He peered at you with solemn eyes. He asked quietly, “What is it?”

Something about the Weasleys and their soft spoken voices in times of vulnerability made you breakdown absolutely each and every time. Tears escaped your eyes with no effort, and Fred pulled you into a bone crushing embrace. You placed a hand on his chest as you cried, and felt his heartrate increase quite rapidly. “I am so sorry,” he said, muffled by your hair. You felt him sob in your arms, too.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to choke out, “I’m so sorry. I miss you.”

“I miss you more.”

This kiss finally felt like a real one, one exchanged between two people who truly loved one another even in times of defeat and anger—not something shared between two people because they lived under the same roof and felt obligated too. It was the first time in months it finally felt pure.

“We’ve been rubbish at loving one another.”

“Terrible,” you replied. His eyes were bloodshot—you hated seeing Fred cry. You’d only seen it two other times—once, right before he and George finally left Hogwarts and he was saying goodbye to you for a little while, and the other, when George got hurt a few months prior. He never, ever let anyone see him get upset. You promised yourself you’d never do anything to make Fred cry. “I am...really scared.”

He nodded and fought back tears again, looking at you with a kind of nervousness you’d never seen before. “Me, too,” he admitted as he continued to run his hands through your hair. You wanted nothing more than to forget about everything going on, and just—have a normal night, for once. Before everything spiraled.

It’s as if he read your mind, because he pushed the ingredients away from you both on the countertop and picked you up and placed you there. He brushed his shirt sleeve over his red, puffy eyes, and all you could see was youth.

“You know what I really want to eat?”

Confused, you wiped tears away from your face and his. It seemed like they were escaping his eyes with no effort too, but he was smiling at you. A true smile. The one and only. “What?” you asked, playing with the baby fine hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Some pancakes.”

You smiled gratefully at him, straightening his shirt collar and smoothing down any wrinkles you found. “With blueberries and chocolate chips?”

“Of course—it’s delicious.”

He pulled you into a tight embrace and lifted you off of the countertop. You were weightless to him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and you could feel him sobbing again. “I love you, okay?” His voice began to break. “I have since that midnight stroll when I walked you back to your common room, and I always will—no matter what.”

“I love you, too,” you choked back, biting your tongue to keep from letting out hoarse cries, “and I promise to show you everyday.”

It still wasn’t normal. It wouldn’t be for a while. That was a terrifying thought, one that kept you up at night. At least he had his arms around you. But this—this was a start—the start of something new, different, okay. One you both were grateful for.

reblogs + feedback are greatly appreciated, helps me when i write x

#fred weasley #george weasley #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley reader insert #fred weasley imagine #weasley twins imagine #hp imagine #hp fanfiction #hp fanfic #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fanfiction #everything and more #sad af man

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hippychick006 · 5 years

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15.01 Back and to the Future - Episode Recap/Review

Finally managed to find time to watch the episode all the way through. I miss the old days where nothing would have stopped me watching it as soon as it aired, but those days are long gone.

I’ve put the review under a cut to avoid triggering those that don’t like criticism of the show and think everyone who watches should only see the same rainbows, puppies and sunshine they appear to view when they watch it. If this is you, it’s easy to just scroll on by or block “spn critical”, but I personally won’t stop making posts that cover both things I love about the show and things that lead to eye twitching.

We open on the last ever road so far of the series (sniffles). As I’m useless as always with identifying music, Shazam advises me the montage was done to the music of Bob Segar and The Silver Bullet Band. “The Famous Final Scene”. Lyrics are worth noting here:

Think in terms of bridges burned Think of seasons that must end See the rivers rise and fall They will rise and fall again Everything must have an end Like an ocean to a shore Like a river to a stream Like a river to a stream It's the famous final scene

And how you tried to make it work Did you really think it could How you tried to make it last Did you really think it would Like a guest who stayed too long Now it's finally time to leave Yes, it's finally time to leave Take it calmly and serene It's the famous final scene

It's been coming on so long You were just the last to know It's been a long time since you've smiled Seems like oh so long ago Now the stage has all been set And the nights are growing cold Soon the winter will be here And there's no one warm to hold Now the lines have all been read And you knew them all by heart Now you move toward the door Here it comes the hardest part Try the handle of the road Feeling different feeling strange This can never be arranged As the light fades from the screen From the famous final scene

How dare they! I’m feeling feelings!

Kudos to shazam by the way for identifying the music, even over the dialogue. Impressive.

I like that we open through Jack’s burned out eyes to the fighting taking place and the final verse of the song continues during this scene. The boys are doing well, and Badass!Castiel has made an appearance. Hello and welcome to the only version of Castiel I can watch these days.

Great scene of the brothers fighting side by side as they escape through the graveyard, flying Sam and ninja kicking Dean, great to watch and what I’m here for.

I like the titles for this season, someone else did a great post on this (as long as you ignore the bi purple reference in their otherwise great analysis!). I personally associate pink/purple with endings and beginnings and I would suggest this is much more likely what the season is about than Dean wanting to get it on with a 2000 year old beam of light in a corpse, but you know, what do Jensen and I know about Dean’s sexuality, am I right?

As always, I like the scenery and lighting so far, the show always does a superb job with both of these and another reason I continue to watch.

However, I am gravely disappointed we didn’t get the demon/ghosts/zombies/what the fuck ever dancing to Thriller, possibly that will come on the gag reel. We can live in hope, because otherwise it’s a missed opportunity.

Sam and Dean standing in front of the door together. Love it. Any little brother moment makes me happy these days.

Poor Sam, he’s asked Castiel if he can heal Jack. ☹ Of course not, Sam, it’s only episode 15.01. Sheesh. We have 19 episodes to go. Pace yourself.

I think some of the dialogue in the mausoleum scene is the weakest in the episode and some of the delivery wasn’t great. I can’t think of a more boring storyline than manufactured drama between Castiel and Dean - yawn! I’m also long past Castiel’s not understanding references stick. “I wouldn’t starve” That would have been funny season 4/5. Now… not so much. Also, thanks to Dabb, I don’t have any characters that I’m worried about dying. I know Jack will be back and I have the opposite problem with Castiel. I didn’t feel any urgency in the whole opening scene. Just, meh.

I do like however that during Dean getting worked up over Chuck, we see Sam getting distracted in the background and he sneaks off and we know he’s looking for a solution to their current predicament.

Dean eventually notices his brother has wandered off and asks what Sam’s got. Sam suggests there might be a drainage pipe or something. Dean thinks they’re not that lucky and suggests sewer line. Oh boys.

Brothers working together to break through the brickwork is what I think most of us are here for.

RME at Sam and Dean stepping back from the zombie coming through the brickwork they’ve just opened up as if they’ve never hunted anything in their life. Either one (or both because that would have been cool) could have stuck the iron bars they were holding into the zombies head, but no, they needed the side character to rescue them. So Dabb’s still not averse to making his leads look dumb in order for his side characters to have a purpose. Awesome writing, said no critic of Dabb ever.

Having said that, I have a weakness for people protecting Sam “fucking” Winchester and we get that in the very next scene where Castiel and Dean are slightly in front of Sam when Jack makes an appearance.

Sam thinks Jack is alive. ☹

Immediately loving Demon B (can’t spell whatever his actual name is), love that Alex is getting the chance to do another character, and he’s killing it so far.

Dean and Castiel have an argument about whether to listen to the demon, which is settled by Sam saying quietly, “Cass… Dean’s right.” Castiel stops. Sastiel for the win y’all!

Lucky that spell was so easy, huh? Hmm, graveyard dirt and angel blood might come in handy this season. And if you were lucky enough to miss the Heller “Destiel is end game” meta on this spell, consider yourselves incredibly lucky and do not under any circumstances go looking for it.

Two teenage girls we don’t know are doing what I presume is teenage girl stuff (which I never did by the way, but I might be unusual in that respect). I fear they are the red shirts of this episode so are not long for this world. Those fears are confirmed when we see Bloody Mary in the mirror. I’m more than a little confused since nobody said, “Bloody Mary”, let alone 3 times, so how on earth is she doing her mojo? Anyway, spoiler alert, two girls we don’t care about die.

Meanwhile, back in the Impala, which has 2 humans, a moody angel and a demon in Jack’s body, we find out 2-3 billion souls might be able to get out of hell through the rift that opened up in the graveyard. Demon B says he knows a spell that will contain the current ones within a mile of the cemetery which might buy them some time. Castiel says there’s a town that’s within that distance which would be in danger, so they decide they need to evacuate it and then perform the spell. As they are talking about all of this, they come across an abandoned car. Another great brother scene here where Dean and Sam investigate the car together. Sam seems to flashback to the woman in white from the pilot.

Sam: This could be our woman in white”.

Dean: Dude, we sent her to hell years ago.

Sam: Yeah, she could be back.

Dean: Well, if she’s back, then they’re all back. Every last one that we ever killed.

The next scene shows a woman with a child running through a house and there’s blood everywhere. Again, I’ve got no emotional connection to them so this entire scene is meh for me, even with the child. Sorry. If I’m going to be perfectly honest, the mom is kind of annoying for me. Is it bad that I’m currently rooting for the ghosts?

Fast forward this scene, and it’s now daylight. How far did they drive? Like Jack was killed in daylight, then it got dark – but I think that was Chuck’s doing, and now it’s light again. I’m going to presume all of the graveyard stuff was 1 hour before dawn, otherwise the timing doesn’t make sense to me. Anyway, Sam gets out of the car, he’s posing as an FBI agent which gets the suspicion of the local sheriff because that is not regulation FBI hair Sam!

Meanwhile, Dean suggests Castiel go with “Crowley Junior” to get everything he needs for his spell. Castiel refuses, he can’t even look at the demon wearing Jack’s body. Suck it Castiel. You’re a few millennials old angel, just get the job done ffs and stop being a wuss. Sam and Dean lost Jack too and you don’t see either of them crying into their coco pops! Grrrr.

Due to Cass being a weenie, we get brother separation from about half-way through the episode. Sam with Castiel (Sastiel fans rejoice) and Dean with Demon B.

Castiel leaves the car and joins Sam who is still trying to convince the local sheriff to evacuate the town due to “the pipeline outside of town.” which Sam says has sprung a leak. Sheriff: What pipeline? Oh Sam. Sam handles it well though, he goes into annoyed mode, which seems to work as the sheriff agrees he can move the towns people up to the high school which he says is 5 miles away. I like Sam looking silently at Castiel here to check if that’s far enough, which Castiel confirms.

Meanwhile back at the car, Supernatural is as unsubtle as ever, we have a shot of Dean putting the god kiling gun/colt (not sure which) in the glove compartment. Hmm, idly wonders if Demon B is going to steal it at some point.

Demon B thinks Dean is gorgeous. Calm tf down hellers, Dean is uncomfortable because he considers the meat suit the demon is wearing to be “our son, kind of” (his words, not mine). Dean asks what Demon B needs to perform the spell and luckily it only requires a bag of salt… and a human heart.

Sam and Castiel are going house to house. I like the difference between the two, Sam is wandering through the house, gun aimed and ready. Castiel holds the gun loosely at his side. Oh Castiel. Castiel finds the two girls that were killed by bloody Mary. Sam finds the little girl and her mom from the earlier scene. Sam is so good with the little girl, but putting his weapon down is a great big anvil to what’s coming next, particularly when Sam says “Everything’s going to be fine”.

Hurt!Sam alert, but it comes with lame!ghost alert. I mean that ghost clown is bad. I’m not sure how I feel about Sam still being afraid of this loser, plus he got over clowns several seasons ago, so why have him acting afraid. Luckily, side character Castiel is here once again to be the hero of the show. Wait, what?

Back with Demon B and we find out he is a fanboy of torturer!Dean. We also learn that the cage door is open, which means our dimension Michael (and likely brother Adam) is loose.

Castiel heals Sam (and repairs his clothing – have we seen this skill before or is this another continuity error?). The mom is shocked and Castiel explains he’s an angel. She asks about the clown, which Sam says was a ghost. The woman asks about Sam and he says, he’s “just a guy” which is completely inaccurate, especially when his next sentence is “When I shot god…”

Castiel remembers that Sam’s injured and insists on seeing Sam’s shoulder wound and he’s not taking Sam’s bull “it’s nothing, it’s fine…” So much Sastiel, and I really wish I could get behind this ship, but I won’t ever forgive the panic room, blaming Sam for the apocalpyse, or the bringing down of Sam’s hell wall amongst many other betrayals. Love Sastiel shippers though and glad they are getting all the cookies.

Ok the vision scene, I’ve seen people thinking it’s Castiel that sees the vision, but it looks like it was Sam to me by the way he reacts, but it’s not 100% clear so it’ll be interesting how this progresses, particularly since the wound has an energy that Castiel’s never felt before. I also don’t think it’s a vision, but a glimpse of one of the alternate realities. Sam goes back to insisting he’s fine and luckily he gets a call from the sheriff so Castiel can’t call him out on it.

Guys, I’m getting a bad feeling that the sheriff isn’t going to be around much longer. A feeling that just grows when he comes across a lady wearing white and…

…what the hell? That isn’t our Constance! Great cheek bones though. I have chipmunk cheeks like Paul McCartney so always jealous of great cheekbones.

Demon B and Dean are struggling with the heart ingredient. Dean’s thinking morgue, Demon B is a little fussy and would prefer fresh…

… Wait a minute… was that a scream? How fortuitous that I think Demon B’s about to get his spell ingredient. Poor sheriff. Damn you show!

Uh, Castiel and Sam, I don’t want to teach you how to do your job, but one in front, one behind the survivors would have been the way I’d have done it. Horror movie survival 101. Just fyi. Plus your walk is not in sync.

See, I told you one of you should have walked behind! One of your survivors just wandered off and is now in danger and neither of you even noticed.

I’m getting whiplash again from the frequent scene changes during this entire segment, I hate when they do this. Back with Demon B and Dean who realises the air is cold.

Uh no Constance bitch, Dean did not take you home. Sam did, but what is canon on this show any longer? Anyway, Dean gets thrown and knocked out.

Back with Castiel and Sam, clown ghost appears. Castiel: “It’s just one ghost.”

They walk closer and two more ghosts appear, Castiel, “…just three…” Oh dear.

Sam and Castiel start shooting the ghosts. Sam accidentally shoots Castiel instead of Lizzie Borden (I think it’s her), but given it’s rock salt, Castiel is okay. While they have a “you shot me moment”, they take their eyes off the third ghost. I am not shocked at all that the third ghost takes advantage of their stupidity and tackles Sam to the ground.

Back with Demon B who is telling Constance she is a “Bad ghost. Bad!”

Sam is getting whaled on. Let’s put this down to his shoulder injury because otherwise Sam “fucking” Winchester has completely forgotten how to fight this episode.

Back with Demon B and Dean rescues him using iron to dispel Constance. Great job Dean! A+

Which gets reduced to a B- since the very next scene Dean throws his only weapon away. Dean come on! This is horror movie survival 101. I’m questioning your 30+ years of training at this point.

Back with Sam, little girl survivor is entranced by a pond, which suddenly has a woman appear in it. Sneak attack from Bloody Mary. If that face had appeared at night and the pond water had not had an anvil dropped on it several times over the last few minutes, I might have been a little scared, but nope.

Back with Dean and Demon B who start the spell. Going back and forth between this and Castiel and Sam who are still getting whaled on. Well actually, Sam is getting whaled on, Castiel is doing okay. Ooh, kick to the face shot on Sam. Hurry up Demon B. The pretty is getting hurt!

Lovely, Sam “fucking” Winchester gets rescued for the third time in a single episode. We may have to remove the middle name until Sam’s allowed to be a competent hunter again!

Demon B finishes the spell and it’s quite impressive, we see a light zoom towards Castiel and Sam that comes to an end a few hundred yards down the road - which means they are still in the same zone as the ghosts, which all appear again. This spell looks like a firewall and I’m wondering if my firewall theory might ye be a possibility.

Sam tells Castiel to get the others across the line. Castiel doesn’t want to agree but Sam insists. Sam stays behind to hold off the ghosts saying “bring it” and… his gun clicks empty. Oh Sam, this is a really bad day for you.

Sam gives his “look how cute I am smile” and starts running. I have absolutely no idea why the ghosts are running. They were able to appear a few seconds ago, I would think this would be faster.

We do really need someone to edit the Benny Hill Yackety Sax music into this chase scene because it isn’t the least bit scary. I’m sorry.

I like Sam protecting the little girl as he thinks he’s about to get stabbed, but in the first lucky moment of Sam’s really, terrible bad day, they made it just across the invisible barrier.

Lame Ghost!clown is a tad upset and whines. Sam tells him to “Shut up!” Yeah Sammy! With a final glare at the ghosts, Sam follows Castiel and the 2 survivors as they walk away.

They get back to Dean who drives them to the school. The impala is now even more full with 2 Winchesters, a still moody angel, demon B and 2 survivors.

Sam walks the survivors over to the school building and he’s just… sigh.

However, I quickly realise this means we’re going to get a Dean and Castiel scene and prepare to cringe. Dean asks Castiel: “You ok?” Castiel: “Yes, but…” Dean: “Good” and he walks away.

Okaaaay, that went better than I was anticipating. I do think Castiel was about to tell Dean about Sam’s shoulder injury though (because let’s face it, those two only talk about Sam or on rare occasions, Jack) so Dean not knowing about the “energy” Castiel felt might come back to bite later because Sam’s definitely not going to tell him about it.

Demon B thinks it was awkward, and I agree.

Okay, everyone shhhh! It’s the 20th last ever broment! Dean wants to take care of Sam’s injury. Sam’s “fine”. Dean’s not having any of it and insists. Dean distracts Sam with a story from their childhood and these are the moments I continue to watch the show for!

They talk about Chuck, Dean thinks they’ve had no free will, that they are just rats in a maze and he’s questioning what any of it ever meant. Sam ever the optimist believes they made a difference, that they saved people. He thinks Chuck’s gone and that means it’s just them.

Dean: and about 3 billion ghosts

Sam: Yeah, well, what’s one more apocalypse, right?... But seriously, if we win, when we win this, god’s gone. There’s no one to screw with us. There’s no more rats in a maze, it’s just us. And we’re free.

Dean: “So, you and me, verse every soul in hell…. I like those odds.”

Sam smiles: “Yeah, me too.”

Dean: “Well, you know what that means?”

Sam: “We’ve got work to do.” Sam closes the trunk and we flashback to pilot!Sam doing the same thing.

How dare you show. Now I obviously need to go do some dusting… as my house has suddenly become dusty or my spring allergies are playing up a couple of seasons early...

Other than some lame, eye rolling moments that I’ve covered throughout, I didn’t mind this episode, and I didn’t mind the separation. I’ve said before I don’t mind some brother separation, I like the different dynamics we get to see, but if we get a lot of brother separation again, I will not be such a happy bunny. Don't care about other people’s views on this, but that’s mine. I’m primarily watching for J2′s chemistry and you can’t get that if they aren’t on screen together.

I’m interested so far in where we’re headed which is good. The only thing I’m not interested in which I commented on earlier is the 😴 fest (imo) that appears to be the Dean and Cass falling out that’s still hovering since last season. My main concern right now is that Dean will be made to apologise at some point and placate the wooby angel’s hurt feelings with a soap opera esque dramatic scene (which Dabb will cry while he writes it and' I’ll cry for entirely different reasons while I endure it) . Dean will no doubt declare yet again that Castiel is “brother/family” which will be as meaningless as the other times he’s said it.

I’ve never been here for a storyline less than this one. And that includes Amelia that at least gave us great hair Sam, soft focus Sam, Sam with a dog and jealous!Dean.

I really hope I’m completely wrong and that Dabb won’t throw one of his lead characters under the bus in favour of a side character, but... then I remember it’s Dabb and he has thrown his lead characters under a bus for the sake of side characters.

All this is just my speculation. It may or may not come to pass, but I like to get my concerns down so I can work through them.

#spn critical #spn spoilers #dabbernatural #heavy sigh #i’m kidding about amelia #she is still my most hated storyline #but only just #15.01 #back and to the future #episode recap #episode review

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daily-coloring · 4 years

Text

Best of 2019 - Movies

Watched some pure shit, like High Life or the multi-hyped Midsommar, but apart from them it was an average year for me. Only few films had a deep impact on me.

01. Bohemian Rhapsody - Bryan Singer - 2018 - Not gay enough? One of the gayest film I ever seen. Of course I understand these days no-one can understand anything what’s not been say out loud, marked with a pen or forced down on throats but begging you to think and try to listen and notice things even if they are not front of your eyes. If it’s too hard to do it, just watch Rocketman, in that movie they are clearly showing a gay kiss, so you don’t have to imagine...

02. McQueen - Ian Bonhote, Peter Ettediqui - 2018 - Did you ever cry on a documentary? I did.

03. Marriage Story - Noah Baumbach - 2019

04. Parasite - Bong Joon Ho - 2019

05. The Square - Ruben Ostlund - 2017

06. Gloria Bell - Sebastian Lelio - 2018 - Every second I felt I’m going to cry. That loneliness just gone through on every piece of my body.

07. The Kindergarten Teacher - Sara Colangelo - 2018

08. The Party - Sally Potter - 2017 - Few people in a room in black and white? That’s my kind of movie, for sure.

09. Green Book - Peter Farrelly - 2018

10. The Two Popes - Fernando Meirelles - 2019 - What a treat. A pure joy. Hopkins are 100% in the game still, that is what he is prove with the 2 Popes.

11. Phantom Thread - Paul Thomas Anderson - 2017

12. Shoplifters - Hirokazu Koreeda - 2018

13. Alita: Battle Angel - Robert Rodriguez - 2019

14. The Sense of an Ending - Ritesh Batra - 2017

15. Loro - Paolo Sorrentino - 2018

16. Sauvage - Camille Vidal-Naquet - 2018

17. Joker - Todd Phillips - 2019 - I still don’t really know what I have to feel about this movie. Is it too direct, given to much information or not telling enough? How many things were hidden? Is it want to be the best superhero movie ever or not. Where are the ambitions? Maybe way too more ambitions in there and I just couldn’t catch it? One thing for sure. Phoenix is the most talented man in Hollywood right now, but we knew this, right?

18. Let it Snow - Luke Snellin - 2019 - My new favorite Christmas movie. Balanced very carefully.

19. Us - Jordan Peele - 2019

20. Beautiful Boys - Felix von Groeningen - 2018

21. Booksmart - Olivia Wilde - 2019

22. Pain and Glory - Pedro Almodovar - 2019 - Seen much better and more adventurous films from Almodovar before but this is like a warm tissue on your scars or a gentle kiss from your mother after you fell off your bicycle and injured both of your knees. Not so funny, sometimes I thought he is just too serious, he isn’t the same Almodovar who directed High Heels, Kika .... And I am right. He isn’t, but he is still my Almodovar.

23. Roman J. Israel Esq - Dan Gilroy - 2017

24. The Laundromat - Steven Sodernberg - 2019

25. In The Fade - Fatih Akin - 2017

26. The Favorite - Yorgos Lanthimos - 2018

27. The Wife - Bjorn Runge - 2017

28. Love at the Second Sight - Hugo Gelin - 2019 - Francois Civil. Just pure love. Want to have a poster of him shirtless in my bedroom.

29. Mortal Engines - Christian Rivers - 2018

30. Swimming With Men - Oliver Parker - 2018

31. The Good Liar - Bill Condon - 2019

32. The Drop - Michael R. Roskam - 2014

33. Can You Forgive Me? - Marielle Heller - 2018

34. Everybody Knows - Asqhar Farhadi - 2018

35. Crazy Rich Asians - Jon H. Chu - 2018

36. Velvet Buzzsaw - Dan Gilroy - 2019

37. Hampstead - Joel Hopkins - 2017

38. Widows - Steve McQueen - 2018

39. Upgrade - Leigh Whannell - 2018

40. The House That Jack Built - Lars Von Trier - 2018

41. The Sisters Brothers - Jacques Audiard - 2018

42. If Beale Street Could Talk - Barry Jenkins - 2018

43. Man Up! - Ben Palmer - 2015

44. Searching - Aneesh Chaganty - 2018

45. Girl - Lukas Dhont - 2018 - The end was shocking and not because what she did. Because it was absolutely unbelievable. It’s a great movie, I wish the ending were much more considered.

46. Sometimes Always Never - Carl Hunter - 2018

47. Late Night - Nisha Ganatra - 2019

48. Once Upon A Time ... In Hollywood - Quentin Tarantino - 2019

49. 6 Underground - Michael Bay - 2019

50. Glass - M. Night Shyamalan - 2019 - Just another Shyamalan movie what every single one of you hated.

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woozapooza · 6 years

Photo

THIS LOVE CAME BACK TO ME

(a playlist for James Flint and Thomas Hamilton)

PART I. London

1. Sinners // Lauren Aquilina (The rules say our emotions don’t comply / But we’ll defy the rules until we die)

2. I Don’t Mind // Joseph (I will love you anyway with all your demons in the way / Nothing can keep us apart / I walk through walls into your heart)

3. We Make Each Other Better // Cathy Heller (I don’t think that I could ever let you go / These souls were never meant to be alone)

4. Without You // Emily Hearn (You are the truth amongst the lies / You love me even when I cry / Don’t wanna be without you)

PART II. Nassau

5. When My Love and I Parted // Solas (Parting is bitter and weeping vain / But all true lovers will meet again / For no fate can sever my love from me / For his heart is a river and mine the sea)

6. Winter Never Comes // Paper Aeroplanes (Our sparks grew dim / When the nights drew in / The exit you made / I associate with the time of the year)

7. War Paint // Fletcher (Bring the big guns out, shoot now / I’ll make the drums beat harder for you / Red on the ground, bleed out / I’ll rub the colors on my face to prove)

8. Swing Low, Sail High // The Wailin’ Jennys (Oh, night bring all your shadows and your silence / Silence make a hostage of my mind / Mind bring on your trickery / Black dogs nip on at my heels / ‘Til I’ve looked the whole thing in the eye)

PART III. Savannah

9. Beyond the Sea // Bobby Darin (We’ll meet beyond the shore / We’ll kiss, just as before / Happy we’ll be beyond the sea / And never again I’ll go sailing)

10. This Love // Taylor Swift (This love is good, this love is bad / This love is alive, back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free / And this love came back to me)

11. We’re Still Here // Sleeping at Last (Through the static, through the ashes, we were brave / Through the perils of endless narrow escapes / We're still here, we're still here)

12. Descend to the Ocean // Wendy Rule (I will love you until / ‘Til the stars that we navigate by / Descend to the ocean / Descend to the ocean and die)

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younganonymus · 6 years

Text

Reim Nummer fünf /Rhyme number five

``Und das Atmen fällt mir, ach, so schwer.

Weh mir, oh weh, und die Vögel singen nicht mehr.

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein, ohne dich.

Mit dir bin ich auch allein, ohne dich.´´

``Mich interessiert, kein Gleichgewicht.

Mir scheint die Sonne in’s Gesicht.

Doch fehlt mein Herz an manchen Tagen...´´

``Auf dem Lande, auf dem Meer, lauert das Verderben.

Die Kreatur [Sie] muss sterben!!!´´

``Just lay here with me,

baby, hold me please.

And I’d beg, and I’d plead,

drop to knees

and I’d cry and I scream,

baby please don’t leave!´´

``Please, please, don’t leave me.

I always say how I don’t need you

but it’s always gonna come right back to this

Please don’t leave me.´´

``Tell me why are we

so blind to see?

That the ones we hurt

are you and me?´´

``Auf die schnelle, auf die schnelle

machste hier ‘ne riesen Welle.

Eingebildet und arrogant,

find’st dich auch noch interessant.´´

``Herz und Seele, Hand in Hand.

Vorwärts, vorwärts, bleibt nicht steh’n,

Sinn und Form bekommt Verstand.

Wenn die Freude traurig macht,

keine Sterne in der Nacht.´´

``Ich singe bis der Tag erwacht.

Ein heller Schein am Firmament.

Mein Herz brennt!´´

``Take me down to the river bend.

Take me to down to the fighting end.

Wash the poison from off my skin

and show me how to be whole again.´´

``Diane,

it’s not what I planned.

I wish you could stay,

but let’s fire away.´´

``On the wrong end of the highway,

when a long night has no end.

When there’s no one there beside me,

till I hold you once again.´´

``Yeah, this is who I am,

a killer, Diane.

Just please let me say, before they take me away,

that I want to be your man,

Diane.´´

``Einen bekommt meine Ex-Freundin,

denn die war immer so nett zu mir.

Einen bekommt mein Nachbar, direkt vor seine Tür.´´

``Wegen dir, lass ich mir

‘ne Träne unter’s Auge tätowieren.

Wegen dir, lass ich mir

‘ne Träne unter’s Auge tätowieren.´´

_____

Lyrics:

1.: Ohne dich - Rammstein

2.: Mann gegen Mann - Rammstein

3.: Waidmanns Heil - Rammstein

4.: Stronger than I was - Eminem

5.: Please don’t leave me - Pink

6.: Gangster’s Paradise - Coolio ft. LV

7.: Ich find’ dich scheisse - Tic Tac Toe

8.: Rammlied - Rammstein

9.: Mein Herz brennt - Rammstein

10.: Castle of glass - Linkin Park

11.: Goodbye Diane - Nomy

12.: Thank God for the radio - Alan Jackson

13.: I love you Diane - Nomy

14.: Mittelfinger - SDP

15.: Wegen dir - SDP

[25.03.2018]

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courtreadsmostlyfiction · 4 years

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Best books of 2019

I read 179 books in 2019 (and finished the 179th, The Handmaid’s Tale, on 12/31, so I can watch the series and read The Testaments). This is the most I’ve ever read in one year (in 2018, I read 173). I was sharing this update with my grandmother, and she asked me if my goal was to read as many books as possible. I thought about it for a bit, and it’s not but it is? I told her how I knew I only had so many books I’d get to read in a lifetime, and I probably think about that fact too much. I don’t want to read just for quantity’s sake, yet I know that I find some of the best books because I have an insatiable appetite for reading. Too many books, too little (life)time.

I also read instead of watching TV (generally), and love when I’m reading something that pulls me away from social media. I love reading when Grant is reading next to me (on the couch, in bed, across from me at a restaurant on an introvert date).

And last but not least, books have saved my life before many times, and making time for reading helps keep me sane.

...now onto our program - my favorite books of the year! This year I also blogged more, if not *regularly*, so some of the books below were suggested before. If you got my Christmas card, some of these might not be surprises, either, since we had the fun idea of listing our family member’s favorite books. Some of mine are different, though, since I had to have that done in early December, and there was so much good reading time left in the year! I went on holiday break on the 17th and had saved a lot of good books for my vacation.

TOP ELEVEN (I wrote about all except the last three -- thanks December reading for those books that made this list! -- in previous posts, so will try to capture in one sentence why you might want to pick it up):

Good Talk (graphic memoir) - I bought my copy at The Strand, and have bought at least 10 copies to give to friends who are parenting in the age of Trump.

(posting this pic to prove my point, even though I’ll likely get shit from Grant about our Amazon bill)

The Most Fun We Ever Had (literary fiction) - a book with a dysfunctional family (yes, please!) and a character who cusses a lot PLUS a ginkgo biloba tree.

Fleishman Is In Trouble (literary fiction) - I want to reread this, and I rarely reread things; a rare 5-star rating from me that made me think about how I participate in misogyny without even realizing it.

Speak No Evil (literary fiction) - a queer, black immigrant high schooler in DC grapples with his identity.

The Nickel Boys (literary fiction) - a fictionalized story of real history: a disciplinary school in Florida where black boys are sent (and often “disappear”); the ending had me crying. (Also on Obama’s list of his fave reads of 2019)

Red, White & Royal Blue (romance) - more romance with bi relationships and politics, please!

Educated (non-fiction, memoir) - it wasn’t what I expected at all, I couldn’t put it down, and ultimately I think it’s about surviving.

Heads of the Colored People (short stories) - stories (and usually I hate short stories) about black identity that I’m STILL thinking about.

Disappearing Earth (mystery) - this was on so many best of lists (including the NYTimes top TEN for the year), and the hard cover had been sitting on my shelf for two long. I had it first on my read-during-winter-break list. As soon as I read two pages, I was sucked in. Two young sisters disappear in Russia’s Far East, and then the story unfolds, told by the perspectives of folks directly and indirectly connected to the crime.

All This Could Be Yours (literary fiction) - I requested this at the library before it even had a cover :) because I’m a Jami Attenberg fan. A dysfunctional family’s patriarch is dying, and his son and daughter are called to his bedside, where the whole family grapples with his life of crime and abuse.

Juliet Takes A Breath (YA) - Juliet (Nuyorican lesbian) gets a coveted internship with hippy, white feminist author, and white feminism rears it’s ugly head.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Nothing To See Here (literary fiction) - one time, a guy in Chicago had a job at a newspaper where he was the Biblioracle and he would recommend books to folks who wrote in if you told him favorites and what you read recently. 1) I need that job! and 2) he recommended Kevin Wilson’s The Family Fang to me, and I loved it. I was excited to read this, and it felt like such a real representative of politics and friendship even though people literally burst into flames.

The River (literary fiction / mystery) - in Grant’s top 5 of the year, and one of my favorite Peter Heller books (which is saying something, since I loved The Dog Stars and Celine). Two high school boys go for a graduation trip in the boundary waters, and there’s a brushfire growing and possibly a woman missing.

The Chain (thriller) - I keep picking up thrillers that people swear are the next Gone Girl or even better, and nothing is. This didn’t make my top ten, but if you want a page turner with a twist and also think about the banality of evil and what you might or might not do, try this.

Royal Holiday (romance) - Jasmine Guillory is always on point! I couldn’t even save this for Christmas reading!* A personal stylist gets to go to England to style the Meghan Markle (shout out to Suits!) fictionalized equivalent, and her mom goes along and finds romance.

Intercepted, Fumbled, Blitzed (romance series) - have you read all of Jasmine Guillory? Pick up Alexa Martin next! It’s funny and captures the nuance of being a football fan or former football fan; the book doesn’t deny how it exploits men of color or the traumatic brain injuries.

They Called Us Enemy (graphic memoir) - I don’t think that I would have ever picked up a graphic memoir if I didn’t already love Mira Jacobs (see Good Talk, above) and George Takei (LOVE him on facebook) already. Now I might seek them out. It’s George’s story of the Japanese internment camps that America likes to not remember.

Slay (YA) - Q: Do you need a YA version of Ready Player One written by a black woman? A: YES! After all of the racism she experiences in gaming, a black high schooler creates a video game only for black folks. No one knows she’s the creator. When a young kid is killed supposedly due to the game, she faces being revealed and wonders what she created.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (YA) - I couldn’t put this book down; it’s about a young, queer Muslim woman whose parents want to marry her off. It’s never the right time to come out, and when they find out unexpectedly, she’s sent off to Bangladesh.

Heaven, My Home (mystery) - The follow up to Bluebird, Bluebird, and just as wonderful. Black Texas Ranger Darren Matthews is back, and is tasked with finding a missing 9 year-old boy from a white supremacist family.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed (non-fiction) - I asked my therapist if she had read this, but she hadn’t yet. She did tell me that she sees a therapist, though. Reading this (and hearing that) made me feel less alone and less crazy. It’s also pretty funny. (AND you know I don’t like non-fiction!!!)

What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About (non-fiction, essays)

Southernmost (rural fiction) - did I just make up a genre? Yes! If you liked Plainsong or anything by Kent Haruf (and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, read that instead), I think you’d like this. A rural town, where a preacher decides not to turn his back on a gay couple, and then faces the consequences. I found it thoughtful, nuanced, and real.

The View from Penthouse B (light fiction) - hmm, can’t stop making up genres! This is witty and well written, and I think is the book equivalent of a warm bath. I loved these sisters who end up living together in an NYC penthouse (the sister who owns it: separated from her scandal-ridden husband and lost her fortune in a Madoff-like ponzi scheme, and the sister who moves in is fairly recently widowed and everyone but her is ready for her to get over it).

Daisy Jones & The Six (historical fiction) - I think this was Grant’s favorite of the year, and it was definitely in the top 5. I loved it, too. It felt like the book version of Almost Famous.

American Spy (spy thriller) - it has so many things I’m looking for in a book all-in-one: excellent writing, fully developed characters, and moving plot. The premise is a black woman in U.S. intelligence during the Cold War, and the book grapples with racism and sexism and patriotism and family. So good!

To Night Owl from Dogfish (middle grade fiction) - I picked this up because Meg Wolitzer is one of the authors (wrote The Interestings) and because I’ve seen it on so many (non-middle grade) lists. It didn’t disappoint! Q: Do you need an LGBTQ Parent Trap-like book in your life (A: Yes, obvs). Pick this one up! I will try to read it with Ox in a year or so.

WHEW!

In 2020, I’m hoping for more 5 star reads (only five in 2019 - Good Talk, Fleishman Is In Trouble, Educated, Speak No Evil, Heads of the Colored People), more mysteries to make this list (bonus if it’s a new series [or new-to-me series] I can get lost in), and that I find the time to paint more book covers.

BONUS MEME

*Gah this meme is me, but this is my blog, so whatevs! Also a lot of these memes, too, which I hadn’t seen before!

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wiggleroomkuci · 7 years

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Wiggle Room 13

Artist - Track - Album

* = New releases (i.e. released within past 3 months)

The Three Degrees - Year of Decision - The Three Degrees

Candi Staton - Young Hearts Run Free - Young Hearts Run Free (US Internet Release)

Youel Azani - Magic Nights - Magic Nights

Dougie Poole - Glass House - Wideass Highway

Joe Bataan - I Wish You Love (Part 1) - Saint Latin’S Day Massacre

Moodymann - Don’t You Want My Love - Forevernevermore

Now we are entering the warmth of good reggae and rocksteady.

Big Jay McNeely - There Is Something on Your Mind - Nervous

The Sensations - Born To Love You - Reggae Anthology: Winston Riley Quintessential Techniques

Slim Smith - My Conversation - The Light

The Techniques - You Don't Care (Extended Disco Mix) - YouTube

Slum Village - Tell Me - Fan-Tas-Tic, Vol. 2

Doc Heller - One for Johnny - Terribly Mysterious: The Goat Boy Origins

Topaz Jones - Running Out of Runway - Arcade

Susso - Son Kunda - Keira

Sampling the music of the Mandinka people from The Gambia.The Gambia is a small West African country, bounded by Senegal, with a narrow Atlantic coastline. It's known for its diverse ecosystems around the central Gambia River. Abundant wildlife in its Kiang West National Park and Bao Bolong Wetland Reserve includes monkeys, leopards, hippos, hyenas and rare birds. The capital, Banjul, and nearby Serrekunda offer access to beaches.

*Go Dugong - Naja Naja - (Indian) Furs

Released March 10, 2017. Another album that utilizes a lot of sampling.

https://freshyolabel.bandcamp.com/album/indian-furs-fy-044

"(Indian) Furs" is the first from a series of sound works based on the field recordings technique, made exclusively with sounds recorded in a specific area of the world. The project takes its name from the furry cover that is applied on microphones as wind protection, together with the area where the sounds were sampled: the first part is India indeed, where the artist has traveled in Summer 2016 , between Rajasthan’s villages, Uttar Pradesh’s ruins and Kerala’s mangroves.

Eric Lau - Closer (feat. Tawiah) - One of Many

Unlimited Touch - In the Middle - Searching to Find the One

Big Maybelle - I Don’t Want To Cry - The Best Of Blues, Candy & Big Maybelle

Skinshape - Detroit - Oracolo

Jesse Boykins III - Tell Me (feat. Theophilus London) - Love Apparatus (Deluxe Edition)

My boy Theophilus!!!

Theo Parrish - Heal Yourself and Move - First Floor - 1998

Henry Wu - Back to Brukka - Motions of Wu Vol. 1

Kindness - Why Don’t You Love (feat. Devonte Hynes, Tawiah) - Otherness

Kevin Abstract - Drugs - Mtv1987

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smilesandexits · 6 years

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10 songs you're obsessed with, then tag 10 people

I was tagged by @susan-number-seventeen thank you!

1. Sleep by Timothy Heller

2. Hypochondriac for Heartache by Nathaniel Orion

3. No Children by the Mountain Goats

4. Patroclus by Nathaniel Orion

5. The River by Nathaniel Orion

6. Wolves by Lia Rose

7. Cry for Judas by the Mountain Goats

8. True Trans Soul Rebel by Against Me!

9. Never Apart by Ben J. Pierce

10. Boys Will Be Boys by Ben J. Pierce

Baby Blog™ only has 5 followers and one of them is the person who tagged me so I’ll tag the rest of y’all I guess

#about me

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kj1966-blog · 6 years

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The main reason why I don’t like Political Correctness is that it has an ability to silence the truth.

I don’t have any proof but I suspect that political correctness was created by those who came from the middle of nowhere and camouflaged themselves as a living fragment of so-called High Society.

Somehow they managed to sell their hypersensitive attitude as highly refined manners. I assume that it was their defence against a sharp and truthful sense of humour.

Since fake individuals, in general, do not have a sense of humour, this camouflage protected them from being exposed.

At one point fake individuals realized that people buy their fiction. Therefore, they embark on an aggressive promotion campaign began to aggressively promote the idea that for the sake of “right” attitude it must be not acceptable to say anything which contains razor-sharp truth.

To support this view, fake individuals said that we must be respectful to those for whom such truth is nothing but pain.

It seems that it was their second victory which boosted fake people’s confidence and accelerated the growth of Political Correctness’ dominance.

What people failed to understand is that there is no such thing as High Society. Because if there is High Society, there must be Low Society. People who admire artificially created terms, cannot see that they are those who represent Low Society.

Only people with low self-esteem would accept it.

If we look back a few things, besides the fact that we went through “wear & tear” process, look very different today.

In the 60s and 70s, the world of entertainment was filled with enormously talented people.

As soon as we heard the first chords, we found out who was singing. Even today those songs are very relevant and appeal to people of all generations. Deep Purple, Lets Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Tina Turner, Cher, Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles and many more.

But even the 80s and the 90s were represented by a number of talented people: Madonna, Michael Jackson (he became famous earlier but to me, he symbolizes the 80s, Prince, Whitney Houston, and many others.

What about cinematography? Doctor Zhivago, Easy Rider, Guess Who’s Comming To Dinner, Psycho and zillion more. Truly talented actors who are stilled loved by people around the world.

The same goes for literature: The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov; The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle; Catch-22, Joseph Heller; The Crying of Lot 49, Thomas Pynchon; Ragtime, E.L.Doctorow and many more.

And it was not only about entertainment or literature. So many other incredible events happened during that period: Yuri Gagarin becomes the first human being to travel into space. Apollo 11 blasted off on July 16, 1969. Neil Armstrong, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin and Michael Collins were the astronauts on Apollo 11 and four days later, Armstrong and Aldrin landed on the moon.

And, of course, it would be a crime against humanity not to mention remarkable personalities who are the face of that period of time. Rosa Louise Parks, although it happened in 1955 when she refused to surrender her seat to a white male passenger on a Montgomery, Alabama bus, it would be not fair not to mention her because her heroic actions triggered a wave of protest. Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela.

Andrei Sakharov, a Soviet Union’s nuclear physicist, dissident, and activist for disarmament, peace and human rights. He played a key role in the development of the first megaton-range Soviet hydrogen bomb using a design known as Sakharov’s Third Idea in Russia and the Teller–Ulam design in the United States. But when he realized the scale of the danger his creation represents he condemned Soviet development of thermonuclear weapons faced state persecution; these efforts earned him the Nobel Peace Prize in 1975.

Boeing 747 100 First Flight

Many other events happened during that time, including the Boeing 747 is an American wide-body commercial jet airliner and cargo aircraft, often referred to by its original nickname, “Jumbo Jet”, the world’s most recognizable aircraft and it was the first wide-body produced. Since its first commercial flight on January 21, 1970, with Pan Am, the 747 has dominated the wide-body market for 37 years.

The main point is that people were well read and well-informed. They were politically active. It doesn’t mean that they dd not know how to have fun because they were boring. Actually, it was quite opposite. They knew how to have fun. And fun they had :).

But people also knew how to balance their social life with their obligations as citizens.

On October 21, 1967, one of the most prominent anti-war demonstrations took place. After a brutal confrontation with the soldiers and U.S. Marshals protecting the building, hundreds of demonstrators were arrested.

Also in 1967, the anti-war movement got a big boost when the civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. went public with his opposition to the war on moral grounds, condemning the war’s diversion of federal funds from domestic programs as well as the disproportionate number of African-American casualties in relation to the total number of soldiers killed in the war.

Joining the anti-war demonstrations by this time were members of the organization Vietnam Veterans Against the War, many of whom were in wheelchairs and on crutches. The sight of these men on television throwing away the medals they had won during the war did much to win people over to the anti-war cause.

Tensions ran higher than ever, spurred on by mass demonstrations and incidents of official violence such those at Kent State in May 1970, when National Guard troops shot into a group of protesters demonstrating against the U.S. invasion of Cambodia, killing four students.

In mid-1971, the publication of the first Pentagon Papers–which revealed previously confidential details about the war’s conduct. More and more Americans questioned the accountability of the U.S. government. In response to a strong anti-war mandate, Nixon announced the effective end to U.S. involvement in Southeast Asia in January 1973. Nixon’s resignation was also possible only because of the public pressure.

Then things started to change. Without going much into details, I assume that the process of decline started when the balance between citizens’ obligation and time to have fun has been disturbed.

On August 1, 1981, history was made when MTV, the first 24-hour video music channel, launched onto our television sets and literally changed our lives with the birth of the music video.

Although reality TV was first introduced in the 1940s, it didn’t really take off until 1990s when it became popular and it’s popularity continues with accelerating speed. Perhaps reality TV had to wait so long because people were intellectually developed. Smart people wouldn’t want to spend hours of their own life watching how other people enjoy theirs. But by 1990, the public was already prepared for it.

As far as I recall, this was the time when High Society reached the peak of its popularity. People who perceived as representatives of High Society automatically became stars.

Although I must say that to me, these individuals are more like bulbs 20w under powerful lights at a scene during the shooting of reality TV episodes rather than stars. They simply have no ability to reach those heights for them to be called stars.

Reality TV produced Paris Hilton, the first woman who became famous for nothing. I guess that obsession with material stuff started to rise about the same time.

As far as I recall, this was the time when High Society reached the peak of its popularity.

The number of incredible movies started to decline as well. More and more movies about artificial intelligence, distant future or worlds as well as absolutely meaningless creations which show that laws of physics are no longer apply, gradually started to replace movies about us, humans, our issues, our worries, emotions, tragedies and happy moments.

I think that even comedians have changed. The last Great Comedian of 20th and 21st Centuries, in my opinion, was Joan Rivers.

The only one who can stand close to her is Kathy Griffin. But we all know what fake people did to her. They punished her for not committed a crime. Her entire crime was that he caused pain to hypersensitive idiots.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Entertainment is no longer entertaining. Many signers have little talent. They sound the same, look the same.

Songs lyrics are hard to call lyrics. One of them worth to mention.

DJ Aligator – The Whistle Song … Blow my whistle, baby Blow my whistle, baby open up and put it in Let’s begin Blow it like you mean it, blow Let me hear ya say, woo-woo Louder, woo-woo Let me hear ya say, woo-woo Louder, woo-woo Is that what you call loud?

I was driving when I heard it for the first time and I barely escaped collision with a car in front of me. I couldn’t believe what I hear. It is a song about a blowjob! Aired on RADIO!!!

If previously people admired their idols, today idols are being worshipped. There is a big difference between admiration and obsession. Admiration is healthy and obsession is nothing but mental obesity.

Same goes for literature. It is difficult to imagine that Fifty Shades of Grey could have got so much media attention in the 60s or the 70s. Because then people knew what is love and what is not.

***

The process of deterioration progressed incredibly slow and properly marketed. Therefore, it could be the reason why it went undetected on for a while.

I assume that the first alarming sings started to pop us in 2001 after tragic events in New York when under a cover of the war on terror civil liberties of American people started to shrink.

Truth is seldom looking good. Very often it is so ugly that even Donald Trump would look not so bad compared to the truth.

But despite its ugly appearance, the truth delivers a very important message. The truth tries to warn us about troubles ahead.

Instead of being scared o its appearance, we should treat truth like our closest friend.

Meanwhile, we also need to show Political Correctness in a very polite manner how to get to the door.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS SHOULDN’T BE CONFUSED WITH GOOD MANNERS BECAUSE IT IS CAPABLE TO SILENCE THE TRUTH: Therefore, SCREW Political Correctness. (Half True & Half Fiction) The main reason why I don't like Political Correctness is that it has an ability to silence the truth.

#Americans questioned the accountability of the U.S. government #anti american nature of Donald Trump&039;s decisions #arrogance of Donald Trump #contradicting statements made by Donald Trump #damage of Donald Trump presidency #Donald Trump #Donald Trump and his administration act like demolition team #Donald Trump and his administration will be remembered as the most scandalous president and administration in the U.S. history #Donald Trump and his adminnaistration will be remembered as the most scandalous president and administration in the U.S. history #Donald Trump as the president of the United States #Donald Trump completely ignores the fact that nine women accused Roy Moore #Donald Trump delivers a greater damage #Donald Trump doesn&039;t understand #Donald Trump is a loud wake-up call for western politicians #Donald Trump is not only shameless but he also does not believe that he has done anything wrong by grabbing women by pussy #Donald Trump is the least qualified person for the job of the U.S. President #Donald Trump is under investigation #Donald Trump&039;s policies already started to have a negative impact around the world #Donald Trump&039;s inability to understand basic things #evidence #facts #federal funds from domestic programs as well as the disproportionate number of African-American casualties in relation to the total number o #he symbolizes the 80s #High Society and Low Society #hypersensitive attitude #in 1967 #in 2001 after tragic events in New York when under a cover of the war on terror civil liberties of American people started to shrink #In the 60s and 70s #intellectually developed people #lies

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amazonauthorinsights-live · 7 years

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How I went from journalist to fiction writer

By Peter Heller

When you’re young and dumb, you often don’t know what you can’t do.

I wanted to be a fiction writer ever since my school librarian handed me a copy of Hemingway’s In Our Time when I was eleven. It’s that thin volume of early stories, mostly about Nick Adams in the wild country of Upper Michigan. I took it home and was riveted. I wanted to do that: I wanted to hop off a slow-moving freight and carry my rucksack through woods and tall grass that wet my pantlegs with dew. I wanted to camp by the Big Two-Hearted River and make cowboy coffee and not burn my tongue the way Nick didn’t and fish for those gorgeous trout. I wanted to have a beautiful girlfriend that could row and fish like a man--and then break up with her, because Nick did. But mostly I was transported by the cadence of the prose and the music of the language. I wanted to do that. To write stories just like that.

I read everything I could and tried to everything one needed to do to become a great writer. I read the dictionary and taped words I didn’t know on the wall because I’d heard that Jack London did it. I copied out poems and paragraphs written by writers I admired. I went to a good college and studied literature. But they didn’t tell me at the English Department at Dartmouth that you can’t make a living writing short stories. They probably should have. I got out of school, moved to Boulder, and worked construction, delivered pizza, taught kayaking. I was a passionate kayaker then, and paddling some crazy rivers. On my days off I wrote poetry and stories.

One day a friend said, Why don’t you combine your interests and write for Outside Magazine? When you’re young and dumb, you often don’t know what you can’t do. I went down to the magazine store and got an Outside and flipped to the masthead and chose the name of a senior editor that sounded nice. I got the main number for the magazine and called and tried to sound confident and offhand and said, “Laura Hohnhold, please.” “Just a second.” I was startled. She picked up. I started talking fast. I told her that I’d published a short story in Harper’s, which was sort of true—it was a very short reprint of a college piece, published in the Readings section—I said that I could paddle Class V, and that she should send me on an expedition to the Tibetan Plateau to run a first descent of a remote river. Long pause. Then she said, “We’ve heard about this expedition and we don’t have a writer that can kayak Class V. I’m going to take a chance on you.”

That first story did not go the way I planned, and come to think of it, none of them ever have. A man died in my arms on the first day of the expedition. A raft flipped and he washed into a logjam, and I and another kayaker tried to extract him and he was stuck, and the river rose over his head. I came home grieving and traumatized and wrote about it in a long piece called “Set Free in China.”

It was an odd way to start my career in magazine journalism. I knew that if I didn’t paddle something hard again right away I might never paddle again. So I got an assignment from Playboy to cover a Kiwi-Russian expedition to try the first descent of the Muk Su, “The Everest of Rivers” in the old Soviet Union. It was way up in the High Pamirs of Tajikistan, and the last Russian team to attempt it had lost five of their eleven men. I’d be one of the two kayakers that would probe out front of the rafts and signal the way through. It was massive whitewater that flowed through a constricted canyon, and there were snow leopards everywhere and wolf tracks in the sand of the beaches. We’d get to a hard rapid and the Russians would squat on the high bank and look grim and smoke cigarettes; it looked in the hunch of their broad shoulders like they were carrying the weight of history. The Kiwis would hop along the bank hooting, saying “She’ll be right. Now worries, I see a line there…” A trip for the ages. Seventeen days of wild whitewater and nobody died.

That began a decades-long joyful diversion away from fiction. I wrote stories about adventure and the environment, because that’s what I cared about, and some of those stories turned into books of non-fiction.

A few years ago, I thought I’d saved up enough to spend nine months writing a novel and I thought, It’s time. I went to my local coffee shop and sat down and began from a first line. I didn’t plot or outline. In all my non-fiction I always knew the ending, knew what was going to happen next, because it happened. Now I wanted to be surprised. Just like running a river that had never been run: I wanted to paddle around the bend of my narrative and have no idea what would be there: a cougar drinking, a waterfall, a flight of swallows. I wrote a few lines and then, “My name is Hig, one name. Big Hig if you need another. If I ever woke up crying in the middle of a dream, and I’m not saying I did, it’s because the trout are gone, every one.” I sat up. I listened. I listened for seven months straight and that became The Dog Stars.

What I realized is that all those years of writing magazine stories was the best training. I had learned to create a strong sense of place that would immediately capture and immerse a reader. To conjure characters that were alive and authentic and jumped off the page. To lay down a pace and cadence that kept the reader turning the pages. And after so many wild expeditions and trips, I had also been studying, without really knowing it, what people do under immense pressure. The grace and courage, and sometimes the unraveling, the betrayals, the meanness and fear. What could be better for writing novels?

Celine, my new novel, was a bit different, and very special, because it is about my mom. She died two and half years ago, and I think I wanted to spend another year with her. Like the protagonist she was a crack investigator who specialized in reuniting birth families. Like Celine, she could shoot—the scene in Idaho with the gun dealer when she blows seven cans and bottles off the log is true—and she really did bring in a bank fraud perp for the FBI—after spying on him with her opera glasses, and executing a high speed car chase in her old Volvo. She really was courageous and elegant, and the family backstory in France during the war is all true. I tried to write her as closely as I could.

The book, I guess, was a coming home for me. As writing fiction was, after so many years as a journalist.

A version of this article originally appeared on the Amazon Book Review.

Peter Heller

Peter Heller is a longtime contributor to NPR, and a contributing editor at Outside Magazine, Men’s Journal, and National Geographic Adventure. He is an award winning adventure writer, the author of four books of literary nonfiction and three bestselling novels, including The Dog Stars and Celine. He lives in Denver.

#journalism #write #nonfiction #inspire #fiction

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