#depending on where my motivation is at i may or may not make another post about danny finally becoming phantom in clone^2

[ariel26c]

🎀Things I’ve learned about Shifting 🎀

1. Background noise doesn’t matter. I come from a Hispanic family household and let me tell you hun it’s freaking loud as hell. It’s like a zoo lol but guess what? I still shifted. At some point you will start to feel your CR kinda “fade away”. I have been in this state where I am in between my CR and DR. I can hear background noise from my CR but I still feel like I’m in a different room or I hear sounds from my DR as well. Has anyone experienced this?? Let me know, I’m curious 🤨

2. Have patience. Allow yourself to relax and naturally connect to your DR. Don’t stress about having random thoughts or having an itch or things like that. Have patience with yourself like seriously you got this babe. Sometimes for me it’s feels like it’s takes 1 or 2 hours until I feel fully connected to my DR. (It’s different for everyone btw) you may take less time than I do. Those things don’t matter if you decide that those things don’t matter.

3. Methods really aren’t needed. If you think about it all methods consist of the same thing usually. It usually consists of affirmations, visualization, subliminal audios, meditation, counting, blah blah blah. If you want to use a method, then do that but don’t force yourself to do a method that doesn’t resonate with you. If you don’t like counting, then don’t count. If you don’t like visualizing, then don’t visualize. Change things up a bit and listen to music that reminds you of your DR or do something that you think is fun.

4. Just because some people like to lie about their shifting experiences doesn’t mean that shifting is fake. Just like in every community there is going to be people that are dishonest or don’t have the best intentions but that doesn’t mean that shifting is a big inside joke. Don’t allow these people to discourage you from shifting to your DR or make you doubt in its existence. Don’t depend on other people's content to feel motivated or believe in shifting. Just KNOW it’s real and motivate yourself to shift. (even though motivation isn’t needed to shift)

5. Shifting is Real. I think we all should know this by now, but I don’t think people really fully understand just how REAL shifting is. I mean you are going to be able to use all of your senses. You will be able to taste food, see your reflection in the mirror, talk to people that may be considered as fictional in this reality, etc. The process of shifting is safe but if you are shifting somewhere that has violence or gore make sure you script your own well-being. High pain tolerance, no trauma, etc.

6. Time isn't important. Just because it's been 4 years or 5 doesn't mean you can't do it. Time doesn't apply to shifting because time is just man-made thing. We created the concept of time not the Universe. Don't blame the Universe for your "Failure". (Spoiler alert: it's not failure) You just need to realize that no matter what, it will happen. It is completely inevitable. Some people have shifted after 5 years so don't give up! It will be worth it.

7. You can't fail at shifting. When you do your method, you will shift to your DR or shift to your CR. You shift all the time. We are constantly shifting consciously or unconsciously. Manifestation and shifting are very much closely related. (But that's another discussion for another time) Just like how we are manifesting on autopilot we are also shifting on autopilot. So, when you do a sleep method, and you wake up in this reality instead of your DR you still shifted. (Just not to your DR) (Get it?)

I hope you found this post helpful! :)

#affirmations #desired reality #law of the universe #shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting community #reality shift #reality shifting #shifting community #shifters #shiftblr

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hugging Dethklok Hcs

depending on how im feeling after posting this i think i might make a second part including side characters (likely the second post will contain charles abigail and knubbler !! and maybe even some smaller characters that i feel deserve more love) anyways uhuhuh first official MTL post except it.. actually isnt, ive written for knubbler and the dethklok minute host before so yeah very nervous about this since im still trying to find my footing in how i wanna write the characters, so heads up that this might be VERY OOC and what better prompt to do than do one of my "i dont know what to write" ones written with reader as their partner vague mentions of like. sexual stuff but nothing explicit, i still wish to keep this blog as sfw as possible, really just implications of it than anything also some characters had bonus hcs of cuddling so uhuhuh

NATHAN:

built like a mattress, though that can mean anything since not all mattresses are made the same... hmm.. have you ever hugged/cuddled one of those tiny headed kingdom plushies? very firm but not comfortable, i think thats what nathan feels like, but perhaps just a smidge softer. but how would nathan feel? i mean hes very protective of you, and being able to hold you gives him a moment to keep you close. not very affectionate otherwise, but this is nice. definitely the type to do hugs from behind, especially if theres someone trying to flirt with you

PICKLES:

short so theres a good chance youre around his height if not taller and he may or may not feel things about that (both negative and positive but lets save that for another post as i fully intend on keeping this sfw), i always thought pickles of being physically affectionate so him having a hand on you is a common occurrence. probably takes the opportunity to whisper something in your ear, usually something dirty or something incoherent with him being drunk or otherwise under the influence. oh yeah i can easily see him being the type to swing his limbs over his partner while he sleeps and trapping them there

SKWISGAAR:

maybe im cooking something doodoo, but i feel like skwisgaar may or may not struggle with non-sexual stuff, like being purely romantic and innocent with no intent to get your pants off is foreign to him. i whole heartedly believe the reason hes so sexual is due to being in dethklok and being huge, but also because of his mother constantly bringing new people home. so in the beginning he might actually be tense in giving you affection, definitely going to need to take some time. very cold, skinny people tend to be colder ive noticed so totally you shouldnt take this as an excuse to hold him closer (winks)... i DO think he would also have a hand on you a lot of the time like pickles, whether or not those hands have other motives is up in the air

MURDERFACE:

make him take a shower first/j

okay jokes aside, this man is so starved for attention and affection, but he would never ever EVER say it. you guys could be 100% fully alone in bum fuck no where and he still wouldnt say it. but its definitely there in his actions and body language. i think hes warm, and his skin is a little... i mean he canonically has dry skin with eczema, and while i dont have eczema i know what having that dry scaly skin feels like... perhaps we could tie in some self care with the reader helping murderface take better care of himself? i mean it would be one hell of a fight to get him to try but i think its do-able.. tight hugger, kind of lets his arms linger before sliding them down when you eventually pull away. wish i had more but i think murderface is the type to deny affection whilst also deeply craving it

TOKI:

probably the easiest to hug in terms of getting him to accept it, actually i think he might be the most likely to initiate one alongside pickles. very warm, though he sometimes hugs you a little too tight and might even tug you back in if you try to pull away before hes ready. full body cuddles into you when you guys sleep/nap together, arms and legs keep you in place so... good luck trying to slip away before he wakes up. i like to think he fiddles with your hair, too, though im unsure if that fits with his character... i think that, despite still having a love for all things brutal he still likes these smaller moments of just. affection. very clingy and possessive though so keep that in mind, i think he would hold you and physically try to pull you away if someone tries to flirt with you; a lot less subtle than when nathan does it

#metalocalypse x reader #metalocalypse x you #mtl x reader #mtl x you #nathan explosion x reader #nathan explosion x you #pickles the drummer x reader #pickles the drummer x you #pickles x reader #pickles x you #skwisgaar x you #skwisgaar x reader #murderface x reader #murderface x you #toki x reader #toki x you #toki wartooth x reader #toki wartooth x you #william murderface x you #william murderface x reader #skwisgaar skwigelf x reader #skwisgaar skwigelf x you #very likely ooc #definitely ooc

[astrologyfactzzz]

☆ ♈︎ Aries Rising ♈︎ ☆

This post is about my beloved Aries Risings. Who are these passionate fighters? What does it feel like to be an Aries Rising and why are they so powerful?

*Hint: Check your Aries Rising degree. If it's 25 degree or later Taurus Rising could be more relatable. Early degrees can often resonate better with Pisces Rising. People with Mars in 1st house could also relate.

The Warrior. The Fighter. The Achiever.

As we all know, Aries rising signs are the firecrackers and go-getters of the zodiac. Quick and headstrong, they command a "take charge" energy that’s inspiring and motivating. Aries is a fire sign, ruled by the warrior planet Mars. This imbues them with red-hot passion and quick impulses.

Although Aries ascendants may come across as bossy, they really just want to be seen as courageous and bold for being the first to blaze their own trail. They tend to put themselves up before they're even ready to go and get what they want. There is no stop; just go, go, go.

Aries ascendant is ambitious and independent. If they go get something, they don't care if they look like a fool or if somebody stands in their way. You are either with them or not.

In general, Aries are childlike individuals because it's the first sign of the zodiac. Therefore, it often seems like they behave like a kid who's learning to walk. They stumble and fall, but they're so determined to walk. Aries just doesn't care if they fail.

I also recognized that they want to be seen and respected for the things that they have achieved. Due to their 10th house in Capricorn, they have this deep survival instinct. "I’m going to make it". They are going to do whatever it takes to get to the top. In terms of careers, they do very well in entrepreneurship. They show that they’re strong and solid in work environments. (Especially if they have planets in their 10th house.) Aries risings are also meant to break a family pattern. If everyone in their family had been cooks, for instance, they would be the ones who'd say, No, I am going to go my own way. By being yourself in that way, you could be the black sheep of the family. But that doesn't stop them from starting a new circle for themselves.

Their Pisces 12th house describes hidden aspects. Aries Risings have a lot of dreams, goals, and visions. While Pisces Risings tend to be too much in their heads and not think about going into action, Aries people set a plan and do whatever it takes to go and get what they want. They can also be highly spiritual people if they have planets in the 12th house.

Sometimes they get lost, too. With their 11th house in Aquarius, they wonder: Who am I? Where do I actually fit? They can get angry, jealous, and really lost when others around them reach their goals while they don't even know where to put their full cup of energy. Therefore, I highly recommend doing sports to channel the energy when you have no goals and get frustrated about it. Aries Risings are often good at athletics and exercises. For that reason, that can open new doors for them.

Since the descendant, aka the 7th house, is in Libra, they're meant to learn from different people. It's also another indicator that they struggle with their identity because they don't know where they fit. Aries Risings crave or attract relationships or people who are codependent or dependent on their energy. Problems in relationships could be that they come off as selfish or self-centered. They actually just want to have their own time, do their own things, and have their own life.

Their 4th house in Cancer is an indicator of trouble with their mother while growing up. Aries Risings are more aligned with masculine energy. The relationship is often better with their father, or they want to make their father proud and get his attention.

Last but not least, the shadow aspects of the Aries Risings: They are impulsive and reactive people. Sometimes they don't know how to channel their energy. However, not everyone might resonate with everything that I said above. Check your progression chart because, as time goes on, your rising sign moves into another sign, and that could be Taurus (or even Gemini). Therefore, the energy might die down a bit.

One thing that I also noticed about Aries risings (or dominant Aries placements in general) is that they tend to have issues with headaches or have a big head (but also have a good ego). Something that soothes and relaxes them could be a massage on the head. They can experiment with their hair or hair colors. All of this is because Aries rules the head.

In the end, all I said about you, my Aries Rising, doesn’t really matter. You don't need to try to be the best; you are the best! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

I hope this resonates with you guys. <3

(Taurus Rising will be uploaded soon.)

#aries #aries rising #aries ascendant #1st house #mars #1st house mars #birth chart #natal chart #astrology #astrology observations

[santacarlatourism]

May I please request Kevin Khatchadourian, spending time together headcannons? I love your work so much, it’s genuinely under appreciated! Take your time ! <3

Aw, I'm glad you like my writing, tysm!!! here are some headcanons <3

⮞ one of the quotes in the book is "kevin was a shell game in which all three cups were empty" and i think about that a lot and i think it applies here. the version of kevin you're getting can vary wildly, depending on how he wants you to perceive him, and there's not necessarily a rhyme or reason for the choice he makes.

it's likely if he's voluntarily choosing to spend time with you, though, that you get something closer to his authentic self. and i think that makes him question why you're choosing his company. you're not like lenny-- some loser who idolizes kevin and is easy to manipulate.

so it creates a cycle. he keeps spending time with you to figure out why you like to spend time with him, and the more time he spends with you the more curious he is about why you keep spending time with him.

⮞ you're still initiating most of the hang outs because kevin is not interested enough in most things to suggest anything.

⮞ tell him you need to grab something at the mall and ask if he wants to run over with you. he'll agree and he'll hate it.

however, you spot a sporting goods store and suggest you two dip in there, aware of kevin's love for archery. this... somewhat alleviates kevin's mood. archery is one of very few things kevin has an interest in, and as he peruses the equipment you can probably even get him to explain some of the sport to you and answer questions like what makes a good bow, are there different kinds of string, etc.

the more specific your question is, and the more they build off of previous answers he's given you, the more you seem to really be listening... well, the less likely he is to ask if you're stupid in response to one of them. and, admittedly, the more likely he is to decide that perhaps this trip was worth it.

don't get any ideas about buying him anything though, as a friendly or romantic gesture. something about that, especially so early on, is too easy to kevin. it's too transparent what your motivations are, and he'll stare you dead in the eye, "what, you want to buy me a little surprise just so i'll like you more? my parents can buy me this shit. doesn't make them special either."

gift giving, with kevin, should come much later, where he's less likely to see it as you initiating some sort of bribe or transaction.

⮞ i think i maybe mentioned this in another post, but i think a lot of hanging out with kevin comes down to parallel play more or less. he's on his computer doing his own thing, reading his copy of robin hood, outside shooting arrows, etc. and you're nearby, doing something. and while he looks like he's paying no attention to you, he's analyzing the situation. why isn't he as bothered by your company as he is by frank's, eva's, celia's, or even his ostensible friend lenny?

eventually, kevin realizes that the reason for this is that when he's with you, he feels like he does when he's alone. by this i mean... to some extent, kevin's actions with everyone are performance. this is the case with both franklin and eva, with his sister and with his peers.

but when he's with you he feels as himself as he does when he's utterly alone. except, perhaps, less bored.

this is where, if it hasn't already, kevin's interactions with you take a turn. his fascination grows beyond why you enjoy his company-- all though it's still a question-- and more on to you as a whole.

⮞ he starts playing hot and cold more. he wants to know how you react when plans with him fall through due to him cancelling last minute. do it back so he can be surprised by how displeased he is. it's going to be apparent he's testing with you, playing with you, but not necessarily why.

he may start suggesting hang outs here, but be warned, they're things he thinks you'll hate. he's curious to see if he's right, if he knows your tastes that well. but he's also just as curious to see if you're willing to put up with something you hate for his company.

while out you notice he's not enjoying himself either, and call him out on it. you ask if he even likes this activity. "nope," he'll respond, with a little smirk. you roll your eyes.

but honestly? he grows to find that he enjoys reveling in his contempt for people in your company more than he enjoys doing it alone. your sarcastic agreement with his snide remarks, the little light swats you give his arm when he's just far too harsh.

⮞ before you and kevin are really dating, people around you would have just grown to assume that's what was going on because your hang outs and time together had grown towards increasingly romantic activities in part because those were things you two simply hadn't done together yet.

in person or on the phone, kevin mentions to franklin that he's taking you to the movies. franklin teasingly tells his son not to do anything he wouldn't do and kevin freezes for a moment, realizing the implications, but it's not going to be clear how he feels about them for awhile. but it makes sense, kevin supposes: if you two are going on dates then you are, by default, dating. he's not too perturbed by it: dating isn't the same sort of romantic commitment as a relationship.

but even when it develops into a formal relationship much of the way he interacts with you is the same. for kevin putting a name to it is more so just to officialize what's already been going on for awhile. To keep you from getting any ideas that you can just easily dip out without warning at any time. Similar to dating, by the time it becomes a formal relationship you two will arguably have been in a relationship for awhile.

⮞ once kevin realizes he actually enjoys your presence and perhaps even likes you as an individual, he becomes more indulgent at times. he may show you how to fire a bow, or walk you through some of his computer knowledge so you can get your own to work better. share some knowledge with him in return-- if you know him well enough to know what he'd actually value learning.

#kevin khatchadourian x reader #post: hcs #by santacarlatourism

[eddwardtheseventhspacewizard]

Can’t sleep, gonna rant about Sozo.

Also this is a long ass post and I tried my best to break it up. It’s mostly speculation about menticide tbh.

So I’ve been thinking about how the menticide is obviously based on cordyceps, we already know that but, I was thinking about how when he becomes Sozonius he has no memory of what happened while he was infected. The thing is cordyceps doesn’t actually control the brain really. It more so cuts the brain off from the rest of the body and controls the body. In fact there was a study focused on the mandibles of infected ants and there was fungus in them and affecting them. It’s because the cordyceps will make an ant move to a higher space under a leaf or something and then the ant will clamp down on it so even after they die they stay firmly in place and the fungus can fully mature and spread more spores to the unsuspecting ants below. Fungi are very picky about temperature and that’s why they move to a higher space. That’s also why cordyceps doesn’t infect humans. Also the ants infected are typically carpenter ants.

Anyway back to menticide. I believe the menticide is not entirely dependent on a host for spreading spores. While the shrooms we pick in Anura very well could’ve sprouted from corpses (maybe even ones sacrificed to Heket) we can take them back to our own farm and grow them no corpses required and I doubt they’re catching spiders at night. They don’t get quite as large as the ones in Anura though. It could be that those ones are years old but I doubt that because Sozo. There could also just be more desirable growing conditions in Anura leading to the larger fungi which is much more likely I think. Those growing conditions may or may not include a sacrifice but the most we can do right now is speculate and headcannon.

I also would like to think that our followers end up being fine after the brain washing ritual because they take smaller doses (much smaller than Sozo takes) and due to the cool down they take it way less frequently. Also the position of the cult in that sorta valley region likely does no favors for the menticide, this can be backed up by the farm as I mentioned just before.

I think Sozo’s followers end up being “fine” after his rituals because they themselves are mushrooms. Not just mushrooms but clearly also menticide. I put fine in quotations because there is an implication of cannibalism but also we get to commit cannibalism in our cult too so it probably actually is fine in the game. Anyway I don’t think a menticide mushroom would infect itself but that does bring to question why it would brain wash itself and why there even are shrooms with brains in the first place.

I saw another theory (I don’t remember who posted it, I’m so sorry) that proposed that the Mushroomos may be the result of sacrifice in Anura. Remember when I mentioned the shrooms there and how they’re larger? Maybe some of them do sprout from corpses and if left to grow they gradually become more humanoid and then eventually, Mushroomo. Maybe the shrooms we collect already produced a Mushroomo. I don’t know but there’s some interesting speculative biology there. I’m still not sure why the menticide has any effect on them though seeing as Dr. Sozonius mentions that they offered him some. That kinda implies that they already ate it unless they intentionally infected him. But why would they do that?

What would be the motive? Is it because he’s an ant? Are ants better hosts? Did that want him to spread the spores? Why wouldn’t the Mushroomos use his corpse for anything? Is it respect? Is it disrespect?! Why where we able to plant a mushroom get an ant and then remove the mushroom from the mushroom ant!!?? Is that guy in our cults really Sozo or does it just believe it is Sozo?

There were no signs to show Sozo was old. It is undeniable that Sozonius is elderly. Maybe the menticide does have some anti-aging properties but as soon as the shroom is removed the affect is reversed. Maybe it also has healing or regenerative properties. Maybe that’s why we were able to “grow” Sozo. Maybe that’s why his follower form is also so small and lacks some limbs (totally not just a convenient game design thing or anything lmao) anyway I think when we remove the shroom from Sozo’s head it does have him on it so when we plant it it regenerates him from that little bit. That does technically make him a sorta clone seeing as his corpse is still back at Spore Grotto. This theory also means that if he stayed in the ground a bit longer then maybe his whole body would’ve gone back to how it was before. Or maybe not though. Maybe the regeneration from the menticide is limited. Maybe it would still regenerate him out of the ground but we removed it so he won’t fully grow back now (keeping with 100%ing the story of course. I know some of you don’t because you think Sozonius is boring, which is sad but fair. From a story perspective though the lamb does cure him though so I’m going with that)

Also if ants are better hosts and they wanted him to spread the spores imagine if accidentally got his whole colony killed. I’m starting to enter fanfic territory lol.

Sozo manages to spread the menticide and gets his colony wiped out. He either has a higher tolerance or compatibility or something or the Mushroomos are intentionally keeping him alive. I don’t know why. Uh cheap answer is vague prophecy I guess? Anyway you know when you read Sozo’s mind while he’s in jail and he thinks “ where is Mimi?” I don’t have a screenshot rn sorry. But who the fuck is Mimi? And imagine the devastation Sozonius would feel knowing he got them killed. Sozo and Dr. Sozonius remind me of Ice King and Simon so like what if Mimi is almost his Betty or something?

Oh shit! I almost forgot about how I mentioned that cordyceps doesn’t actually control the mind but menticide does. I just thought that would be interesting to explore because what if Sozo what still somewhat conscious as Sozonius while having no real control over his body. Terrifying as shit.

#cult of the lamb #cotl sozo #dr. sozonius

[preludicrous]

i feel the need to elaborate on my last post regarding sigma's past so here it is

this is going to be in part theory crafting and in part headcanon. let's fucking go.

so first, the theory crafting portion: i believe that sigma does have a past, he was not created out of thin air. perhaps not the most groundbreaking theory (depending on how you look at it it can feel quite obvious) but let's examine some evidence:

as we know, sigma was created from the book. so if we want to learn about sigma, we need to understand the book. luckily, BEAST contains a good amount of information regarding how the book works.

to paraphrase what dazai says here: the book contains an infinite number of alternate universes within it, worlds that have as much merit as the "real" world in every sense other than they don't exist outside the book. when the book "creates" something, it doesn't materialize something from nothing. it pulls from these alternate universes. it makes the alternate universe "real".

going off of this explanation, it means that sigma is to be originally from one of these alternate universes. another piece of evidence for this: sigma appears in the desert with a train ticket to a station that doesn't exist. the person who wrote sigma into existence only wanted to create someone who had a powerful ability suited to crime. nowhere is the train ticket mentioned, so why would he appear with it? and moreover, why specifically a station that doesn't exist?

because it's an artifact from sigma's original universe. sigma in the original universe was going to take the train to somewhere when he was pulled into the main universe where his destination does not exist.

one last point to this theory: fyodor says that sigma has amnesia. amnesia is the inability to remember. if sigma doesn't have a past, what is there to remember? unless sigma has a past, but when he was "created" by the book and pulled into a different universe, he forgot his past. he can't remember who he is. equally as interesting is dazai describing him as a "novel that begins from the middle". the beginning of the novel is somewhere out there in the multiverse of the book.

this isn't,, without it's flaws (sigma actually breaks the rules of the book in several ways, one such way that his existence doesn't follow the "logical continuity" the book requires because how the fuck is a fully grown man materializing in the desert logically continuous) BUT i still think it has decent merit.

now, onto headcanon territory:

i think sigma probably came from a universe where he had the things that he currently longs for: a home, a community where he belongs, and a purpose. he was secure and happy.

there's no evidence for it, but i like this idea because it's kind of poetic: what's more tragic than a man who materialized out of nothing, with no past and no home and nowhere he belongs? a man who had a home, and had somewhere he belonged, but then had it ripped away from him by forces beyond his control, dropped into another universe in the desert with no memories of his past and nowhere to return to.

it also fits really nicely with sigma's motivation, why he is so desperate to keep his casino even if it means committing global terrorism. he may not remember it, but he has lost his home once already. thus, when he does find another place where he belonged, he defends it with his life - he already went through the pain of losing his home once, and no part of him wants to go through that again.

i'll go one step further: my personal headcanon is that sigma was originally from his universe's armed detective agency.

this idea... i just, really, really like it. we know sigma does want to join the ADA, and the ADA is home for so many misfit ability users- wouldn't it be interesting if instead of finding a new home, sigma joining the ADA would be him returning home, returning to the one place he belonged and finding it again after spending so long lost at sea?

plus, the one thing we know about the conditions that "created" sigma was that the book was asked to produce someone with an ability suited to crime. i'm not sure about you, i know of an organization that is full of ability users, with some abilities which are suited for crime...

and sigma's information exchange ability is uncannily suitable for detective work as well...

#bsd spoilers #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd sigma #sigma #bsd headcanon #headcanon #bsd theory #sigma bsd #bungou sd

[starlightbelle]

What is this??

Underrated quote that doesn’t exist…you mean?

Because this line isn’t in the movie

I came across this post on Pinterest and let the record show as a long time MTR enjoyer (and a kid who knew this movie forwards and backwards so well that actually did type out a chunk of the movie in script format from memory) that I recognized it to be a fake in approximately .00002 seconds

Everyone in the comments was like “yet another reason to love this movie” and stuff like that, but that…isn’t a line from the movie

At this exact moment, Wilbur hands Lewis the paper (schematics) and tells him basically to go fix the Memory Scanner:

Wilbur: Now…now don’t make me go and bail you out again.

Lewis: I won’t.

Wilbur: Remember, I’ve got a time machine. If you mess up, I’ll just keep coming back until you get it right.

Don’t believe me?

I’ve linked a YouTube video to the scene in question:

As far as I can tell, this is an abridged version of a quote from Ziad K. Abdelnour(?), according to a quick Google search:

“Just because the past didn't turn out like you wanted it to, doesn't mean the future can't be better than you ever imagined.”

But either way: no, it’s not a line from Meet the Robinsons.

I’ve got more thoughts, because Wilbur was never framed as a guide or therapist for Lewis in the movie. One could argue that Wilbur is the reason Lewis decides he can have a happy future, letting go of his past…but that’s as far as it goes.

Wilbur very rarely, if at all, offers sage words of wisdom or advice or any quotes that are framed as such.

What about “Keep Moving Forward”? You may ask…well, technically that’s Cornelius’ line, and Wilbur flat-out tells him such, “it’s my Dad’s motto,” he says.

What motivates Lewis ultimately is himself. It’s seeing the future he can have; knowing that he’s happy and has a family and has everything he ever wanted and is so unexpected and exciting and he loves it…and that realization really comes from himself because he sees a future that shows him it’s possible.

But it’s not even a passive thing, either. When he meets his older self, he suggests “if I go back now, then this will be my future!”

To which Cornelius replies, “Well…that depends on you. You gotta make the right choices, and keep moving forward.”

Lewis has to play an active role in dictating which direction his life will go. He really has to let go of the past, like his advice to Goob earlier in the film. That’s really the scene where he starts to come to terms with that, anyway.

Wilbur is the avenue through which it happens (which, again, Wilbur being his son you could also argue is an extension of himself since without Cornelius, Wilbur wouldn’t exist…)

So framing Wilbur as offering these wise words to Lewis in their parting moments is frankly…laughable to me. Wilbur has always been my favorite character but his most serious line in the whole film is “I never thought my dad…would be my best friend”

#meet the robinsons #wilbur robinson #lewis robinson #cornelius robinson #Disney #mtr meta #my post

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

Wrapping Up the Republic with Harriet Flower

Alright! I posted my review of the book overall yesterday, but let's dig into the final chapters of Harriet Flower's Roman Republics anyway, because her arguments here are interesting even apart from the rest of the book. Plus, this is where we get to Marius, Sulla, and other familiar faces for late republic nerds like me.

According to Flower, Julius Caesar wasn't the man who broke the republic. Nor Pompey, or Cato, or anyone in their generation. She doesn't minimize their mistakes, but she believes they grew up in an an already-broken system, thanks to Lucius Cornelius Sulla.

Rewind a bit to the Social War, 91-88 BCE. Flower argues that this was the republic's first true civil war, and that it broke out due to Rome failing to extend citizenship to the Italian allies in peacetime. I think she overstates our certainty for the war's cause - it's not actually clear if most Italians sought citizenship or independence. However, I agree with her that the Social War left deep and lasting wounds at all levels of Roman and Italian society, and the republic never really re-stabilized afterward.

The Social War in turn feeds into the conflict between Sulla and Marius. She also argues that the simultaneous crises of the Jugurthine, Cimbric, and Second Servile Wars lent credence to the idea that one strong leader was more competent and dependable than the unpopular Senate. In this case, said leader was Gaius Marius. His achievements in these wars gave him the base of support needed to make a highly irregular bid for the Mithridatic command - deposing Sulla, who in turn marched on Rome.

Flower portrays Sulla very negatively. And I understand why, but it's odd that she doesn't mention he was Rome's duly elected consul at the time, and that the referendum deposing him was unprecedented, and possibly forced through by violence. He did, in fact, have a legal argument for why he refused to step down, and this was probably one of the reasons his soldiers followed him to Rome. Flower attributes the soldiers' motives to merely wanting the booty of war for themselves - another example of her assuming that poor or working-class men had few political opinions of their own, little love for democracy, and merely acted as extensions of their generals.

(You may have noticed I am not a fan of that assumption.)

I do appreciate that Flower draws a throughline from the violence associated with the Gracchi, to the death of Saturninus, to the Social War, and then to Sulla's first march on Rome, because it helped me see how violence in the city, and shows of force from the Senate, had been escalating since before Sulla had even joined the Senate. This does not excuse his actions, but does help explain why he may have thought it legally justified, along with his own self-preservation. (Flower does not mention that a few weeks before, Sulla had nearly gotten killed by a riot in Rome instigated by the same tribune who then tried to depose Sulla and give the Mithridatic command to Marius!)

So, Sulla marches on Rome, outlaws twelve enemies; Sulla leaves Rome; Marius and Cinna besiege and take over Rome; Marius dies of too many consulships and Cinna, undeterred, proceeds to keep giving himself consulships. Flower doesn't hesitate to criticize the Marians, either. She plausibly argues that Rome was a dictatorship in all but name during Cinna's tenure.

However, she reserves the greatest part of these final chapters for critiquing the new laws Sulla imposed after he retook the city and became dictator. Flower believes that, rather than being a "return to tradition," that "strengthened the Senate," Sulla's constitution was a radical departure in several ways, and this unwelcome novelty undermined the Sullan Senate's credibility.

She makes good points in support of this argument:

That enfeebling the plebeian tribunes was radical, unpopular with the people, and greatly damaged the government's legitimacy in the eyes of the people.

That doubling the size of the Senate while purging the opposition leaders, on top of all those who'd died in the Social War, created a horrific brain drain effect and paralysis.

That few people could take the rule of law seriously after Sulla had imposed it by force of arms, not through voting.

That political discourse in and out of the curia was greatly damaged by the above points. Particularly because the tribunes could not propose and discuss legislation in contios for some time. (I have to wonder if strangling these open-air, traditional forms of discourse may have caused people to turn to violent collegia, and uprisings like Lepidus Senior's and the Catilinarians, as extreme alternatives for people who felt oppressed. But that's just speculation.)

She doesn't talk much about the proscriptions, but I would also add those as a major force of destruction for both public debate and government credibility.

I'm not sure I agree with all her points, though. For instance, she claims that Sulla attempted to assert a government ruled by laws instead of custom, with a greater focus on the court system to enforce these laws on senators. I want to see more evidence to back this up.

Much of Sulla's constitution was dismantled in the decade after his death. Flower calls this the era of Sulla's republic, up till 49, and she sees it as a fundamentally unstable time because of what had happened before. She's rather harsh toward all of Cicero's generation and how they handled the situation, but she especially thinks the first triumvirate shut down republican politics from 59 onward.

I really think she overstated the first triumvirate's power. Robert Morstein-Marx and Erich Gruen have comprehensively demonstrated that Caesar, Pompey and Crassus' alliance only operated intermittently, lost as many elections, plebiscites, and trials as they won, and doesn't seem to have functioned very differently from alliances like Catulus-Piso-Cato. I also think she is flat out wrong in attributing the breakup of Caesar and Pompey's alliance to the deaths of Crassus and Julia in 54 - we don't actually see Caesar and Pompey break apart until four years later. For details, see my liveblogs of Morstein-Marx's Julius Caesar and the Roman People and Gruen's The Last Generation of the Roman Republic.

I am hesitant to use words like "irreversible" when discussing history. My own view of the republic's decline is more probabilistic, such that it became more or less likely that the republic would break as new events happen, before the inertia of Augustus' regime became too powerful to overthrow. However, I do think Flower has made a good case that Sulla's constitution could be seen as a new government in its own right, one that never really stabilized or regained the credibility of the pre-Marius Senate, which made it very difficult for Cicero and Caesar's generation to collaborate and govern the city.

So, those are my mixed thoughts on the final chapters. Some parts I like, some I don't, but I am glad I read it.

#jlrrt reads #harriet flower #roman republics #lucius cornelius sulla #gaius marius #the social war

[crypt1c-gho3t]

Portal and Feminism

okay because it was 12 years of portal 2 yesterday I thought my first official post should be my thoughts on feminism in the saga 

the main problem is that a lot of the times in the media violence against women is used as a plot device to make a character stronger. it’s not empowering to be a sexually assaulted and/or abused but the media often makes these themes a “phoenix” moment for women.

and while it is satisfying to see women stick it to their abusers, This portrayal often boils women down to their only defining trait being their sexuality and the only real “motivation” for women to be powerful is having that sexuality threatened.  

This abuse also enforces the point that you have to become more masculine and drop feminine traits in order to become stronger and more powerful.

women do not need to go through abuse in order to be considered powerful, being a woman is powerful enough. being feminine is being strong

This is where portal comes into play. I’ll start with what i’m sure you all guessed i was going to bring up first but in the actual games and mods every main playable character is a female (portal 1& 2 and portal mel stories) or doesn’t have a specific gender to interpret( portal 2 multi player & portal reloaded).

in addition to this one of the main “villains” is also a woman. in the first game she is given no redeeming qualities but gets “redeemed” anyways showing fleshed out characters with interesting character development and even though this development get erased (sry caroline) it’s GLaDOS’s choice and not somebody else taking it away or making that choice for her

most importantly the women in this game are influential. The classic comparison of “can this character be replaced by a lampshade” doesn’t apply to the game. whether she’s a villain or a playable character everything is biased off the decisions women make and their influence.

and while there are male side characters(the cores) the portal women are never shown to be dependent on them for coming up with solutions to problems or saving them. In fact the cores are very rarely shown to do anything that isn’t driven by what the portal women do.

the fact the chell isn’t pointed out to be a woman, she is mainly a blank slate except from the player views her through portals, is also a prime example of this feminism because it isn’t calling attention to the different ways that men and women act it forces you to focus on not the gender of the character but of the actual gameplay

now i know nothing about game development and in the mod mel stories it may have been simpler to keep the main character a female when designing. but the choice to keep mel as an olympian and how they chose to portray female olympian instead of a male shows the dedication to having powerful woman “outside” the game and inside the game meaning that she was already strong but was made even stronger by what she went through in aperture.

and yes, they do go through hardships and are exposed to many challenges yet they are never shown to be abused or sexually assaulted. they have their “phoenix” moments anyway

anyways thanks for reading and another great example of this is Ashoka Tano and her journey!

#portal #portal2 #portal stories: mel #glados #chell #wheatley #glados and cave johnson #chell and glados #feminism #theory #game thoughts #indie games #puzzlegames #valve #valve games #portal multiplayer #12 years of portals #atlas #p-body #atlas and p body #portal chell #portal glados #portal fandom #portal gun #gaming #valve gaming #apreture

[tallerthantale]

What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 2: The Veil

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that may be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first post as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness.’ The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays invisible to him.

This post still has a bit of psychology set up to it, but I’m getting a lot more into the details of how everything relates to Aziraphale specifically, and talking about how I apply that understanding to the motivated reasoning Aziraphale demonstrates in Before the Beginning. About 2.6k words. 

In the spicy meta I mentioned how some of Aziraphale's behaviour reminds me of a pattern IRL, where some people want to bottom CNC (consensual non-consent) roleplay, while entertaining a fairly permanent pretense that they don't actually have any desires or want anything in particular. That pretense is about keeping those desires outside of conscious awareness because they conflict with the sense of self. I am repurposing some of my word choices from that discussion and dubbing the walls separating the conscious!Aziraphale from the rest of his mind ‘the veil,’ the area stuff lives when it isn’t in his conscious awareness ‘behind the veil’, and the cognitive mechanisms that operate in that space veil!Aziraphale. 

Immortal Memory

There are two main complications to making sense of what Aziraphale believes. The first complication is that what conscious!Aziraphale believes is heavily changeable within a set of options due to being regularly reconstructed based on what will preserve his sense of self in that context, as described in the first post. The second complication is that the set of Aziraphale’s potential beliefs evolves and adapts over time as his relationships to the world and to the institution of heaven change.

When we think of a person’s beliefs changing over time, we often like to think of it as a draft that gets overwritten as it is updated. The new version is up, the old version is gone. New update, this is what it is now. Replace that line with this line, done. 

Minds don’t actually work like that. We essentially have muscle memory for our thoughts and opinions. While we can collect an expanding set of potential opinions, and we can neglect to load an inconvenient one into awareness, the old ones don't tend to leave the set of options even when we intend to reject them. If you interpreted something wrong the first time you saw it, you form the memory of the misinterpretation, and you reinforce the wrong memory every time you recall it. This is called an encoding error. Then one day you find out you got it wrong, and you are trying to fight years of ingrained conditioned memory with one data point. It doesn’t matter how unambiguously true that new data point is, years of conditioned memory doesn’t just go away. It’s like trying to forget how to ride a bike. Consider the Mandala Effect. 

Aziraphale has millennia of lived experience. He may decide he is changing his mind about something, even with extreme conviction, but that won’t erase thousands if not millions of years of habitually thinking something else. We have ourselves an angel who has a capacity to swap out what he believes depending on the situation in front of him, and who has thousands of years of evolving belief systems conditioned into his mind’s ‘muscle memory.’ So not only is he normalised to switching his opinions around, he’s got a lot of options for what his opinions can be.

You Play the Hand You’re Dealt

The metaphor I’m going to go with is like a deck of cards. Anything Aziraphale has ever believed is somewhere in that deck. When a major event happens that forces him to think about things in a new way, he gets a new card, but the old cards don’t leave, the deck just gets bigger. The hand of cards he draws is what shows up in Aziraphale’s perceptible mind. That makes up what he believes in that moment. All the other cards functionally don’t exist to conscious!Aziraphale unless and until they get drawn, and they stop existing to conscious!Aziraphale when returned to the deck. 

Cards are not drawn to the hand at random, they are placed there by veil!Aziraphale. That part of Aziraphale makes the calls on what cards from the deck end up in conscious!Aziraphale’s hand. Veil!Aziraphale also has control over when cards leave conscious!Aziraphale’s hand. Conscious!Aziraphale doesn’t know that veil!Aziraphale exists, and assumes everything in the deck is consistent with his current hand. The result is a split Aziraphale, one part that will passively reshape his own opinions and judgements on autopilot to what is useful in the short term at that particular time, and one part blissfully naive to all of that, living as if he is the only part of Aziraphale that could exist, treating the hand he was most recently dealt as the only reality that could exist. The next day it's a different hand, a different reality, and a different conscious!Aziraphale.

Veil!Aziraphale functions like a computer program with a very basic code targeted to reducing specific kinds of imminent stress. It will keep things that are abrasive to Aziraphale’s sense of self out of his hand, keep things that conflict with whatever action he's about to take out of his hand, and not let contradictory things exist in his hand at the same time. It has no sense of long term strategy and cannot be reasoned with. 

The deck doesn’t contain all things. It contains the set of things Aziraphale can believe, and while that is a highly self contradictory set, it is not an infinite set. Veil!Aziraphale will run into situations where there is no arrangement of cards that keeps things happy and easy. There will be situations where there is something someone could believe that could be useful, like Gabriel and Michael thinking it is a great idea to kill Sitis’s kids and have her give birth 7 more times, but that is going too far for Aziraphale to believe. He has a sense of what feels right, at least by Eden, and he can't make cards that conflict with that. He will try to play the best hand that he can out of what isn’t going too far, and make new cards that stay within what can feel right. Making new cards doesn’t get rid of the old ones, it will always be an option to bring them back.

A Case Study in Motivated Reasoning

In Before the Beginning, we see an Aziraphale who is already terrified of heaven's wrath, while the Star Queen is still naive.  (Why I like to use the name Star Queen) This difference matters on a few levels. First, it shows that the seeds of Aziraphale’s ideological separation from the other angels predates Crowley’s involvement. While we will see Aziraphale convince himself to experience believing things out of fear, that isn't quite the same thing as being a true believer the way the other angels are. I would speculate that Aziraphale has already been having disciplinary issues with the institution. Whatever Aziraphale is ideologically speaking, it is not the result of Crowley’s temptations.

Second, it fits in with the manner of trauma response they develop. Aziraphale looks to have been traumatised from a very young start. The Star Queen was having a blast until suddenly they weren’t. This isn’t trauma olympics, this is just to point out that the age of onset correlates with different patterns of likely reactions, and Aziraphale and Crowley’s behaviour as we progress through the story fits those patterns. 

Aziraphale comes along with an attitude about what it is or is not their place to do or question as angels. It is not their role to give feedback. He feels positively about the universe being set up to be fancy wallpaper, and is surprised that the Star Queen is upset about it.

Why does Aziraphale seem to actively like the fancy wallpaper plan? Because he is supposed to. He is terrified of heaven, why would he believe something just because heaven says so? Because he is terrified of heaven. Literally that is why. Which experience is the more threatening to the sense of self, the universe where what you believe gets you on heaven’s shit list if anyone finds out, or the universe where what you believe organically happens to be what keeps you safe? Veil!Aziraphale's mind generates conscious!Aziraphale’s beliefs on the spot as a defense mechanism in a way that feels organic. Believing what dangerous people want him to believe is safer. Veil!Aziraphale is incentivised to form that hand of cards, which is a fully automatic process, and conscious!Aziraphale only has access to the hand he was given. The other cards functionally do not exist to him.

For those for whom this is hard to follow, you may be imagining it as being a person who knows they believe Y, being told under threat to believe X, trying to convince yourself to adopt a belief you know you don’t agree with. That doesn't tend to work. Belief follows action, but when there is a readily available belief of ‘I was forced to go along with it,’ there is no need to alter your worldview to explain your behaviour to yourself. So you likely end up pretending to believe X while getting extremely resentful.* That lines up with how the Star Queen sees being asked to like the wallpaper plan, but that is not what Aziraphale's mind is doing.

To the extent that there is a pre-existing Y belief, his mind will not let it out of the veil into his conscious awareness, because that would be dangerous. He is on the verge of existential crisis from even hearing that someone else might believe Y, because it is safest for him to not even have the hypothetical to consider. Veil!Aziraphale decided that he believes X because that is safer and decided Y is contraband, conscious!Aziraphale only knows he believes X.

I Can't Make Bricks Without Clay

This is how motivated reasoning works, and that’s why calling the people susceptible to it stupid and / or irrational isn’t helpful. There are no logical tools someone can use to think themselves out of the problem if the problem is that the relevant facts wont load into awareness. The reason I stick to the term 'motivated reasoning' rather than the more common ‘wishful thinking’ is that it is very common for motivated reasoning to get us to believe things that are highly unpleasant.

For example, people don’t experience survivor's guilt because ‘they want to.’ They experience survivor's guilt because the alternative is experiencing the awareness that any of your loved ones could die at any time and you can’t do anything about it. You can only believe it's your fault people died if you tacitly believe you had the power to stop it. You can frame survivor's guilt as wishing to have the power to be able to protect those you love, but people experience it as guilt and suffering, not as a power trip, because that component doesn't get loaded into awareness. When Aziraphale convinces himself to believe what he is told, he doesn't 'want' to be a bootlicker any more than a school shooting survivor 'wants' to believe it’s their fault their friends are dead. 

While susceptibility to motivated reasoning does vary across individuals, we are all vulnerable to it. The basic cognitive mechanisms that allow these patterns are present for everyone. I could just as easily talk about conscious!Star Queen and veil!Star Queen. So why do they have opposite reactions to heaven's imposing authority? The age of onset. (IRL these are differences of average, not categorical rules.) Aziraphale’s conditioned fear is baked into his development in a way that gives it more power than usual to keep things out of his awareness (we will see a demonstration of that at Eden) and Aziraphale has 'authority should be feared' and 'authority shouldn't be questioned' cards, because he added them to the deck when he was too young for them to feel wrong. Because Aziraphale has those cards and a particularly aggressive veil, he can pull off the 'have the experience of believing what you are told to believe' survival strategy. 

The Star Queen hadn't previously encountered a use for having 'authority should be feared' and 'authority shouldn't be questioned' cards, and they are developed enough now to respond to those concepts with an appropriate 'fuck that.' The Star Queen doesn't have extreme early onset fear baked into their development, so instead of veil!Star Queen keeping their disagreeable opinions behind the veil, it is keeping the reasons to be cautious behind the veil. We might like to think that the young Aziraphale who made those cards was wrong to do so, but I would encourage you to stay your judgment. In the IRL parallels having those cards is often what keeps those children alive. 

After the Star Queen expresses the intention to offer suggestions, Aziraphale is concerned for their (singular) wellbeing. He is terrified of how heaven will react, and he is right to be. Aziraphale doesn't want them to get into trouble. And that is very interesting. If Aziraphale was a proper true believer in operation 'shut everything back down again' he would want the Star Queen to get in trouble. He would see their attitude and like them less for it. That doesn't happen. It's not a genuine endorsement of authoritarian hierarchy, or he wouldn't be encouraging the Star Queen to play it safe. It is not a coherent belief system, or he'd have an argument in favour of the shut down plan, not an argument that 'it's not our place to question it'. It's also not an acted position, or he wouldn't be that excited about the fancy wallpaper. Aziraphale's belief in God and the ideal of heaven exists as a defense mechanism against his fear, to preserve his sanity. Ironically, it spends the next 6000+ years making him act fucking insane. 

Post 2/10

Post Note: When forced to do things under threat, ‘belief follows action’ can (not always) reverse and cause a backlash effect in the form of ‘I believe I am being oppressed’ making you reject beliefs that would support the behaviour (Fair.) However, when we are paid to do things, we don’t tend to blame the money, we experience that as we were intrinsically motivated to do the thing. (Tisk.) This is a big part of why political bribery is such an issue.

The money alters what the autopilot parts of our mind allow into our conscious experience, slanting us toward the incentive, blocking any awareness of the influence of the money on our decisions, and then construct a belief system consistent with the decision.  People believe the money isn’t affecting their judgment, they totally would have had that position anyway, that's just what they believe. They are incorrect.

On the plus side, we have a pretty reliable method for changing people’s opinions if we decide to use it. If you want to make someone believe something, pay them to do something consistent with that belief. (Vaccines…cough… cough… vaccines…)

#good omens #go meta #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #what does aziraphale actually believe

[teaberrii]

Chapter 12: Our Firsts

You're both running from a traumatic past. In a fated mix-up, you end up hosting this man for two weeks at your family-owned villa where sparks start to fly.

Alhaitham/You

Notes: Cross-posted on Ao3.

The chapter index is at the end of chapter one.

Warnings: Smut

It’s a spontaneous decision, but you and Alhaitham have to take advantage of the great weather. So, that’s how you end up at the beach, walking hand-in-hand and listening to the waves crash onto the shore.

Your shoulder brushes against his just as you say, “I don’t want to leave.”

Alhaitham chuckles. “You and me both.” Then, he suddenly pulls you closer. “There’s something that’s been on my mind.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere. So, shoot, stranger.”

“...Were you ever afraid of getting into another relationship after what happened?”

"I was not expecting such a hard-hitting question," you say, half-jokingly. The slight smile on your face is anything but happy; it's as if you're reminiscing. "...I was…and still am if I'm being honest. It's all fun and games in the beginning. It's what happens after the honeymoon is over." Alhaitham continues staring at you intently, and you laugh softly as if hoping to lighten the mood. "I hope that answer doesn't scare you or anything."

Not in the slightest. Instead, he's glad you gave him that answer. "No, I agree. It's a thoughtful response." Then, when he notices you looking at him curiously, he asks, "Is something wrong?"

“You’re not the first to ask me that question. The few dates I’ve been on”—you scoff lightly—“they often say it wouldn’t happen with them. Or every relationship is different, which I guess is true.”

"Were you expecting me to give a similar answer?" You aren't really sure what to expect. Alhaitham is full of surprises, but you are interested in hearing what he has to say. Then, as if reading your mind, he says, "Relationships are a gamble. People change. Priorities and preferences change, and that's not a fault on anyone. It's important to look after yourself, too, after all."

“You’re not going to pull the ‘you have to love yourself before anybody else’ speech, are you?”

Alhaitham chuckles. “Compromise. I think that’s one of the key factors to making a relationship work. Another way to look at it is that a relationship is the end product of two people working together. People compromise all the time because they care about the end product. Even if they don’t, there’s an incentive. Regardless, it’s something they care about. Which may or may not stem from selfish desires."

“So…are you saying that people’s feelings or priorities may change, but as long as they have an incentive, the relationship will work?”

“Logically, that makes sense to me. But it also depends on what the incentive is. Some are healthy. Some are not, which prolongs the inevitable.”

You glance at the ocean. “I guess it comes down to the motive. And, to compromise, you have to communicate well.”

“Agreed.”

You grip his hand tighter and slightly smile at him. “People do change, so I guess it’s important to live in the moment.”

A ghost of a smile flits across his features. “It’s one of those rare times that I’ll quote something by Kaveh. You don’t want any regrets. So, just do it.”

You laugh. “Feel first. Think later. Is that it?”

“I think he’ll appreciate that mantra.”

You and Alhaitham are sitting alone inside a small sea cave with a view of the sky ablaze by the setting sun. Alhaitham's arm is around you, and your head rests on his broad shoulder.

“...What about you?” you ask quietly. You look up at him just to see him turn to you. “You lost so many people you love. How did that affect your relationships?”

“It took me a while to accept that it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t being punished." He sighs softly. "I knew I couldn’t continue living like I used to.”

“How did you find the courage?”

“At first, I took a page from Kaveh’s playbook,” Alhaitham says. “I stopped thinking. I stopped overanalyzing everything.” His hand finds yours. “I stopped being afraid of my own emotions.”

“That sounds easier said than done. It must’ve taken a lot.” You hug your knees. “People don’t change who they are and their habits overnight.”

“That’s true. When I adapted Kaveh’s way of thinking, it did more harm than good. I couldn’t change who I was. So, I was back to square one.”

“Surely it wasn’t completely useless.”

Alhaitham lightly kisses your head. “It wasn't. Because of that experience, I realized it isn’t the outcome that’s most important.”

“It’s the process,” you finish for him.

Alhaitham suddenly has you on your back. “...So, to answer your question, it helped me realize to treasure the present. Anything can happen in the future, but I don’t want to look back and think about all the what-ifs.”

Something about the way he’s looking into your eyes stirs something within you. Your fingers weave themselves into his hair as his lips find yours. He kisses you gently but coupled with the way his hand is sliding down your bare arm is almost too much for you to handle.

Then, he breaks away, giving you enough time to ask, "What are you thinking about now?"

His mouth is back on yours, and the kiss speaks for itself. Alhaitham's lips are soft, but his kisses are always fierce, as if desperate to have you. And you're always lost. Lost in bliss. The rollercoaster of emotions. The raw desire. You don't know how it happened, but somewhere in the needy exchange, you're on top of him.

Alhaitham likes to think he is a man of self-control, but that all flies out the window when you're kissing him like this. Your small gasps, quiet whimpers, and reluctant naughty hands fiddling with his shirt are driving him absolutely mad. He can't wait. He doesn't want to wait. He needs you. Now.

You try to rationalize that sitting on top of a half-naked Alhaitham is normal. You’re at the beach. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. If not for the heat spreading throughout your body. When his perfectly sculpted body touches yours, you’re done. It doesn’t matter where you are. You need him. Now.

Alhaitham's hand is in your hair, pulling you closer until your bodies are flush against each other. He teasingly rolls his hips into you, and you gasp softly when you feel his sex against your thigh.

His lips find your neck, peppering them with light butterfly kisses. Then, in a low voice filled with desire, he says, “I won't be able to wait.”

You take his hand and allow him to slide up your curves until he can feel the strap of your bra through your tube top. With a sly grin, you say, "...Then don't."

It's as if something snaps within him. Everything becomes a blur when he kisses you again. And this time, it's with a ferocious need that you have no sense of when or how your clothes become forgotten beside you.

“Ah…Haitham…” The way his name rolls off your tongue as he overstimulates your breast is dangerous.

He pushes you down, your legs on either side of him. As he teasingly slides off the last of his clothing, your cheeks turn pink upon seeing his hardened sex. It's all you can look at as he hovers over you, his hands on either side of your head. Then, he leans close to you, so close that your lips almost brush, when he says, "...I'll be quick."

Alhaitham swallows your quiet whimper as his sex slowly stretches your walls. Then, finally, he breaks away; his low grunts and your soft moans mix together as he once again reaches places that have you floating on cloud nine. Again, he starts off slow, allowing you to adjust. But, the way you roll your hips and how your walls squeeze him is testing his self-control.

He's completely smitten. The slight red on your cheeks. The cute, bashful look on your face. It's too much for him to handle. What finally drives him over the edge is when you sit up, wrap your arms around his neck, look at him as if he's some kind of prey and say breathlessly, "Fuck me."

Alhaitham isn't fond of cursing. But, dear God, the way you said it has his imagination and emotions going absolutely wild. If that's what you want. That's what you'll get. 

You have to be quiet. You're in public. Well, kind of. No one is around, but keeping the endless moans to a minimum is incredibly challenging. Alhaitham plows into you endlessly, his hands gripping your hips so tightly as if scared you'll break. It's a wonder how he can hit that special spot every time. Your hips move with him, and you hear his quiet grunts beside your ear. Your nails dig into his skin as you feel your high fast approaching.

“G-God, Haitham…I—”

His lips capture yours in a heated kiss, muting the scream that comes as you milk his sex that’s still deep inside of you. Then, he breaks away and breathlessly says, “...I’m close.”

You stop rolling your hips. He watches you in anticipation as you get off him and get down on your knees. You look at him and smile mischievously.

"Hah…" The way he breathlessly says your name as your tongue wraps around his sex is pleasing to the ears. Alhaitham can't keep his eyes off you as your mouth does wonders on him. His cheeks turn red when your eyes meet his. It's rare to see Alhaitham shy, which only happens in intimate situations like this.

“...Love, I’m—” You don’t give him a chance to finish. His eyes widen when you take him deeper. You almost gag, but that’s the final straw. You feel his release hit the back of your throat, and you look up to see the serene, post-orgasmic look on his face.

"You'll be quick, huh?" you ask teasingly as you and Alhaitham clean up after what has just happened.

He hugs you from behind. “...Well, I wasn’t expecting to hear you say what you did.” If you’re being honest, it took you by surprise, too. “But”—he gently nips your ear—“it was hot.”

Your cheeks turn red, and you hear him chuckle.

You and Alhaitham decide to stick around for the rest of the day as there's a local beach bash in the evening.

Good food. Good music. Good company. That's all you can ever ask for. When the locals gather around to dance and just vibe with the live music, you and Alhaitham are standing a short distance away with a plate full of food.

You're a little surprised that he wants to feed you, as that's the last thing you'd expect someone like him to do. But you take a bite out of the onion ring anyway. "Mm…it's good!"

“Better than my cooking?” he asks.

“Ooh, that’s a tough one."

"Well, I'll have the rest to myself then."

Alhaitham swiftly dodges your attempt to take the onion ring from him, but he eventually gives it to you anyway.

When the music changes, he encourages you to slow dance with him. You take his hand, and he leads you onto the semi-crowded dance floor. You wrap your arms around him while his hands find your waist. Then, you allow him to take the lead, and soon, you're swaying to the soft beat of the music.

“It was my first time, you know,” you say quietly. “...Doing something like that in public.”

Alhaitham steals a quick kiss, catching you off guard. “...Well, I’m glad I could be your first in something.” Had Alhaitham done something like this before? Before you can entertain the thought further, he smiles slightly and answers your question. "It was mine, too."

"You're just full of surprises.”

Alhaitham twirls you around and then back into his arms. “Good ones, I hope.” He puts his forehead against yours. “The things you do to me. Even I can't properly understand them.”

“Good,” you say with a slight grin. “Because sometimes it’s good to just…feel.”

And that’s when he kisses you…again. But unlike the hungry desire from before, this one savours the moment. It’s as if nothing else matters; the world melts away as you and Alhaitham get lost in each other.

Then, once he breaks away, he looks into your eyes and says, “I may not be your first, but I want to be your last.” You almost laugh at the cliché, but you’ll give him bonus points.

Alhaitham suddenly dips you to the beat of the music. When he pulls you back up, your body is flush against his. “Why does it sound like you’re proposing?” you ask jokingly. “It’s too soon!”

He smiles. “I guess that thought doesn’t scare you.” It doesn’t. But, obviously, now is not the time. “...I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

"Well, handsome, we'll take it one step at a time."

“Like we always do.”

And then you share another kiss that has you ready and excited about all the possibilities to come.

Chapter Thirteen

End Notes:

The smut was supposed to be brief, but it just kept going, and I was like: well, I guess we're doing this now. Let's gooo~

The next chapter will be the grand finalé. I'm sure you can guess what's going to happen.

Tag List: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @themusingsofmany @thelightofmylife @jolyyuwu @meowzurii @caelestisimbrem @shadowmist0706

#alhaitham smut #al haitham #alhaitham fluff #al haitham x you #al haitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #genshin al haitham #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham #al haitham smut #genshin impact x reader #al haitham fluff #genshin fluff

[redstringraven]

an excruciatingly long ramble about the '03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢 pt1

i’ve been working on this ‘project’ on/off for a year, and i need to get it out of my system. this is me posting the first part to force myself to stop fidgeting and hit the ground running.

i love the enneagram. i think it’s a useful tool not only for self-growth but also for character-writing and understanding. since 'typing' the boys, i've referred back to this tool while writing them or rewatching the series, and it's infuriating how much sense certain things start to make. to me, anyway!

as a heads up? this is going to be a big analysis over a series of posts. i have a lot to say fldjsfkl (i'm so sorry). i will try to keep it organized and understandable.

consider this the introductory post! posts will be linked below as i finish them. [ raph ], [ leo ], [ don ], [ mikey ]

some small disclaimers before we get started:

this is concerning the 2k3 incarnations of the boys only, and seasons 1-4 are given the most weight. 

i don’t take “”birth order”” into consideration. no one--not even them--knows the order they were born/hatched in. i won’t be referring to leo as ‘the oldest child’ nor mikey as ‘the youngest’, etc. when it comes to ‘filling a role’, sure, they do that just fine, but i tend to avoid referring to them in an actual birth order or approaching them from a birth order mindset. they step into roles rather than there being an established order. the 03 boys will frequently ‘switch roles’ depending on their circumstances and company.

these are also, obviously, my own thoughts/observations, and i’m not any sort of professional. I’ve just done reading and research and thinking. whether you agree or not is up to you, i’m not your mom, go--do whatever you want, it’s fine it’s good, i don’t care, blah blah blah, etc.

OKAY. an introduction and briefing:

we’ll start with some ground-work since the enneagram seems to be unfamiliar territory to a lot of folks i’ve spoken to. feel free to skip over the next two paragraphs if you’re already in the know. i’m not going to spend too long on it, but i feel like i need to spend some time or everything else that follows might get muddy.

while there were a few books i read in preparation for this, it was careless and neglectful of me not to mention the two i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) to aid in creating a baseline. i went into this excited to analyze and discuss the turtles specifically, but i should have treated both the sources and my own posting with more respect. i apologize for that massive oversight. i feel pretty damn stupid since i usually consider myself good at that sort of thing, but i'll continue trying to do better! the two books i referred from were:

the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson

the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile

and i recommend them if you have any interest in exploring the enneagram further!

the enneagram is a tool used to develop self-knowledge, self-understanding, and to grow beyond self-defeating aspects of our personalities, as well as improve the relationships with those around us and to grow in compassion.

one of my books uses colors to illustrate how the nine enneagram types work: there are an infinite number of variations of the color ‘red’, but they are all still variations of the same hue. similarly, there are an infinite number of ways a person may express their enneagram type. another thing to keep in mind: your number is not determined by how you behave, moreso why you behave. It’s less reliant on traits and focuses more on the motivation that drives you.

i also feel it’d be a breach in etiquette if i didn't say the enneagram should be used to type yourself, not others. these are fictional characters; please don’t go trying to type the people around you. don’t use it to justify your own questionable behavior, and please don't feel the need to adopt a more rigid personality if you see yourself in a type. again: this is a tool, not a rule book.

if you want my opinions immediately, and without further exploration or analysis, here they are:

Raph is an 8 and has a 7 wing Leo is a 1 and has a 2 wing Don is a 5 and has a 4 wing Mikey is a 7 and has a 6 wing

but if you want more details (including what the heck a ‘wing’ is), come along with me while i do some giant ass posts on the boys and how they align with their core numbers.

i'm especially excited to talk about "City at War" from the perspectives of an 8 and a 1, how mikey is a complicated combination of a lotta moving parts and almost stupidly self-aware, as well as "Same as it Never Was" and don's 5 and the fact this boy never talks about his goddamn horrors. like i warned: these are gonna be quite lengthy, but i’ll be breaking it up as neatly and in the most digestible way possible. as well as keep the meme-ing to a minimum. …but i make no promises.

stay tuned. i have an order i'm going in, and raph's up first.

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt raphael #tmnt leonardo #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #;hannah's meta #;tmnt #;tmnt enneagram #[ FORCES MYSELF TO POST THIS and slithers away ]

[ftm-radio]

okay this has been simmering in my brain since i started scrolling through my gender envy board a lot more than usual for my ask game, so I am making a post about it.

I kind of forgot how good & fun & inspiring gender envy can be???

like when you first see the term it kinda has negative connotations, dunnit? envy is not a very positive thing so it makes sense that gender envy, too, can be negative and harmful depending on how you frame it, how you internalize it.

but if you are able to get to a place where gender envy is focused more on what feels possible for you and less on the ways you may never measure up to the subject of your envy, oh man. ohhhh man.

it's amazing. it's joy. it's hope. it's MOTIVATION. it's smothering my executive dysfunction with a pillow so that I might finally bite the bullet and make a doctor's appointment like I've been wanting to for months.

I know it can be difficult to get to (and stay on) this side of gender envy. I've had plenty of days where I've only been able to see my gender envy through a bitter lens, and I'll probably have plenty more. but I have found ways to help myself out on any darker days that may arise.

I am fat. I have been fat—or chubby or husky or [insert another term to avoid saying f@t here]—for most of my life. I've also been self conscious about that for most of my life. I'm still pretty self conscious, but I'm more comfortable with myself now.

a big part of that is because I started seeking out people like me—fat men, fat trans mascs, fat queer people in general—after I saw a post saying something about gender envy only being about skinny white twinks. that post raised my awareness and allowed me to actually think about that, and it gave me the chance to try and change it for myself. i stopped putting these unrealistic & narrow standards on a pedestal in my mind, and it's helped!

i also feel that gender envy is healthiest and most helpful when it's used less as a tangible, defined finish line you need to cross to be happy and more as a... as an ingredient in the gender recipe you're cooking up.

is that a terrible metaphor? idk it feels promising. im gonna try and run with it.

when you're cooking or baking something, you use multiple ingredients and combine them all to make something that's a sum of all the parts. that's what I try to do when I dream up the person I want to be one day—this person's clothes, that person's haircut, his beard, her jewelry, their hairy belly—it's all heaped up in my mixing bowl alongside a big serving of ME. I'm not trying to replace myself with another person, I just wanna add some more fun gender flavors to the mix, y'know? 🧑🏻‍🍳🏳️‍⚧️

#does any of this make sense? idk i tried #it's been so long since i made a post like this i forgot how anxious it makes me about accidentally coming across as preachy lol #ftm radio #transgender #trans #ftm #trans masc #trans masculine #nonbinary #trans man #nonbinary trans man #nonbinary man #gender envy #long post

[spockandawe]

Hi! I'm a newer follower, so I'm sorry if you get asked this a lot. I really admire your bookbinding, and was wondering whether you have any recommendations on good sources for learning how? I've done a bit of reading on my own but it's quite intimidating! Thanks so much for sharing what you do.

Aw, thank you! And haha, you're okay, it comes up occasionally, but it's been a while and tumblr's search function is erratic at best. And I'm pretty sure my answer changes every time! So let's see where I'm at right now.

So, my personal style of learning isn't suited to everyone. I like to throw myself at projects past my skill level, because a lot of my craft hobbies are ultimately about thrill-seeking. I'm launching myself into spaces where an unmitigated success would be delightful but unlikely, and a total failure would be devastating, but I'm pretty decent at hitting the mixed success zone where I don't get so frustrated that i quit. Some people have a much lower frustration threshold than I do, or find the uncertainty much more stressful than I do.

But the end point is that I just yeeted myself into the hobby like 'I'M GONNA BIND THIS WEBNOVEL' despite not knowing anything about anything, and fully aware that I would be unhappy with the results. If I recall correctly, that was a coptic binding of the first half of svsss, and I don't think I ever went back to finish the other half that time, haha. On the one hand, it was thrilling! A book that was only online was now in my hand! And at that point, an official license seemed laughable. On the other hand, wow, this typesetting is bad to look at, the book is too wiggly, and I don't like the open spine. When I did my first casebinding, well! There were a whole lot of new issues, but still, the thrill! It was a flawed book, but a cooler one than I'd ever made before!

My approach isn't for everyone. For me, gotta go fast works, but I've seen people take their time, move carefully, and post a GORGEOUS first book. Mine depends on you having the time, money, and motivation to iterate on your process to improve to the point where you're HAPPY. I learn best by doing, and now I'll go into deeper research dives about like, styles of endpapers, but that totally overwhelmed me when I was starting out, I still get overloaded and frustrated when I read resources by the kind of highly-trained bookbinders who insist there's one BEST way to do a technique, and I get very very annoyed by how some resources make this hobby feel so... inaccessible.

So! Accessible resources. Here's a general list someone else wrote, but I'm going to do my own thing too

https://www.google.com/amp/s/hiveswap.tumblr.com/post/677512645592694784/bookbinding-resources-masterpost/amp

First, let me toss one youtube channel your way. I started casebinding using SeaLemon as a reference. I outgrew her stuff fairly quickly, there are other youtubers who cover a LOT of in-depth ground, but das bookbinding and glenn malkin and company just overwhelmed me at first. She also has another video on making your own bookcloth at home, which is still the method I use for most of my books.

https://youtu.be/Av_rU-yOPd4

Then, communities. I started off in this solo, I was happily chugging along, and a few books in, I was pointed in the direction of renegade publishing, which is a fun collective focused on the binding of fanfiction (though other bindings are welcome too). I'll link their dreamwidth, though they do have other social media too, including a tumblr and discord. There are resources they shared, but I'll call out one in particular. One of the founders has a guide for going from ao3 to book that has seen some traction over the last few years, though like with SeaLemon, I started in there, and soon wandered off to freehand the process instead.

Fair warning, though, their discord (18+, sometimes nsfw) especially is large, and it moves quickly. It's a great place to ask for advice, but there are a Lot of people talking. This may be great for you, or it may be overwhelming! I'm fairly comfortable in there at this point, but I'm an asocial dweeb and it took me a while to get comfortable talking.

https://renegadepublishing.dreamwidth.org/

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/11JyVxeRS8yEWgCYrNMUPlNrEbR5AAD3Z2aDP-QXEP3Y/mobilebasic

Then, a second community! The r/bookbinding discord (sfw). I think they got their start with the reddit group, but they aren't affiliated these days, the name is there for clarity and continuity. The group is focused on general bookbinding, and though fanfic is welcome, it's not a focus. It's a quieter place, which makes it much easier to follow conversations without being constantly online. This one also maintains a list of resources, and they also have channels for newsletters and for youtube uploads from the major bookbinding channels. It's a lovely place as well, people here are nice and helpful

https://discord.gg/thbraMNn

I think that's what I've got for now! My personal recommendation remains to pick a project and throw yourself in, and to deal with any speedbumps as they come up. But SeaLemon is a good starter educational resource, and these two communities are both used to helping newbies through figuring out the process. I hope that helps!

#spock replies #long post/ #crafts #bookbinding

[tooweirdforyou]

Will u not come back? :((((

hello, anon! hope you’re doing well and apologies for the late response. I hope you see this! ❤️

so, I guess this will be my answer and also my first post in about a year or so.. Im not gonna make any excuses or whatever, and cut straight to the point.

Bit of a long post but it will explain most things without being too personal just because it’s been a long time and part of me feels as though I lost that respect and privilege of being comfortable and being myself around you guys. Anyone and everyone who stayed or is a newcomer to my account.

It’s the new year. Here’s how I’ll answer you.

Do I wish to come back? Yes.

Have I been actively attempting to come back? Yes and no. I have been attempting to work on chapters for my Quotev books, but lots of writers block and just pure unmotivated to continue with where I am. Knowing it can be better if I were to redo it, continue with force or if I simply make a new book, (( which due to my imagination and inspiration by things I’ve come across, I keep wanting to start new books. ))

Have things drastically changed for me as I’ve been away? Yeah, kinda. I mean, things are getting a little more difficult for me, I won’t go into too much detail but it’s been really difficult for me personally the last several months. I’ve never been consistent in my feelings and almost always ended up more numb, empty and sad. And some days it would be so bad that I couldn’t be alone and had to be in a room with another person I knew. I’m really working on it but it really isn’t something that just goes away, as most of may or may not understand.

Am I still dating? Yes! I’m still very happy with the guy I’ve known and started dating last year and in fact, we’ll be hitting our two years very soon. I know this may be personal but I kinda just wanted an excuse to talk about him, haha.

Now, am I still writing? / interested in writing? Definitely. I just have huge motivation problems but I definitely still love that creative form of expressing your imagination into words and making a story. The problem is that I have all these ideas and it just sucks to have to do all this beginning stuff instead of making the reader or OC in love with the person already!! 😂 but yes. I honestly do love to write still and my boyfriend tries to encourage and supports me but it’s really my own fault.

do I still Roleplay? I remember mentioning this and then making an separate acc for this but never really interacted with it often because at the time I was busy. And now, I don’t anymore because it makes my boyfriend jealous, haha. I do miss it though :)

Do I still go on tumblr? Every once in a while, which is like every two weeks or so? Or just under two weeks or sometimes longer. It depends. But yes, I do check and I do love to read every new comment and message I get, I just don’t respond to it because I’m honestly a little scared.

Will I come back? I want to. I really do. But there’s a few factors that come into play-

- so much time has passed that I worry I no longer have like a mutual bond with you all and that it’s too late for me to come back and just pretend like everything is fine. It’s not. I’m worried it’s too late to just start writing again, I guess I’m nervous? I missed being able to be comfortable and be myself on here but I don’t know. I think my time has passed.

- not only that, I don’t quite know how to use tumblr anymore.

- I can’t stick to one fandom, just like my mood swings, my current obsession changes so often that I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up with certain works or keep everyone happy with my work.

- I don’t know if I should continue mt old works ( ones on Quotev )?

Start new ones?

Go back to scenarios and oneshots like I used to?

Refresh on tumblr and continue here again?

Move to AO3?

It’s the new year and I do want to better myself and change and I really hope that that means I can start over with myself and my writings once again.

I missed all my comments and messages and having mutuals and interacting with everyone. It makes me feel connected and honestly little less lonely when my boyfriend has his long busy hours..

But to finally answer properly. Yes, I want to come back but I honestly don’t know where to start or if I can.

I’ll be checking tumblr so if anyone has any questions, comments or suggestions or whatever you wish to tell me, I will be here. Maybe by next month I’ll have an answer of what I’ll be doing in regards to writing. Whether I take any advice from you guys or make my own decision.

im very deeply sorry for my absence. I hope this answers everyone’s thoughts.

sending lots of love. ❤️ thank you to everyone.

#tooweirdforyou

[acourtofserpents]

This is such a fascinating game - I wish the demo was longer, it's very immersive and intriguing!

I need to thank you dearly for one thing, too. I love all sorts of isekai / "transported to another world" stories, but my biggest trigger in fiction ever (to the point of having panic attacks if that happens) are stories of that kind where the protagonist goes back to their birth world at the end. The fact the very intro post mentions that "(...) shall you decide to stay or escape." is so nice to me. That means I can actually read this story without freaking out. Usually I have to ask the author if they are planning for a route where the MC stays in the other world, but some authors see it as fishing for spoilers and don't answer, sadly. Yes, I know it's a weird thing to thank you about, but I'm very grateful! I do have a small question about that, if you're willing to answer. Will this be a story where we're able to decide early on if the MC wants to stay or try to escape, or will the MC be "undecided by default". I tend to prefer to be able to make a choice fast of course, but I'm sure it'll be well written regardless! Or well, maybe the situation would not really lead to any of these alternatives at all... That aside, for the ROs, I'm most interested in the prince (though of course, I have to exclude the human RO anyway considering the direction I want to take my MC in), but I think it's interesting... I somehow consider the prince to be less awful than the other fae ROs? Well, he's a jerk, but he's a jerk to everyone, clearly. It doesn't seem like his behavior is focused only on the MC - he just has an awful personality (and I'm saying that lovingly) overall.

Oh and a question about Caerus. Again, this might be spoilery so feel free to ignore it. I'm assuming we WILL get opportunities to get closer to him and what not... But what will dad think about MC's relationship with (insert chosen RO), once the relationship actually starts or well, once it becomes clear there is something between the two? Because I feel like he may have strong opinions, like wondering if MC, as a human, will do the same their mother did and "betray" their fae partner after a while, or would he on the other hand have more trust in the MC since he raised them? And if the RO is human, would he on the other hand be judgmental of that thinking the child he raised has bad taste haha? An well, does his opinion depend on his relationship with the MC, too?

Sorry for the long ask and multiple questions! Thanks for indulging me, and have a great day!

hi hi lovely!! first, thank you so so much for all the love and kind words!! i’m so extremely happy you’re enjoying the story, these kind of messages are really my biggest motivators <33

now, to answer your questions,, i’m not too sure about when the final and ultimate decision will take place, as i’m planning quite a few different routes that MC could take. so far, i don’t see that decision being made anytime soon, as i’m not planning to add it to chapter 2. MC will have to start thinking about it, but a permanent decision won’t be made so early, sorry!!

hehe, you can say Ryzan has an awful personality unlovingly (that’s definitely not a word, oopsie) too, i don’t mind!! i think it all depends on how you perceive all of them, they all have their faults, some of them maybe more than others.

about Caerus, it’s not spoilers, don’t worry!! if MC’s careful, Caerus won’t know about the relationship until much later. that also depends on who MC chooses to romance. i think he’ll be very VERY very surprised to know that MC is involved with a Fae. he doesn’t have a problem with them, per se, but it’ll just be very surprising to see MC kissing someone they claimed to hate for their whole life, and vice versa. now, with Silos, Caerus almost expects some kind of relationship (even if it’s just platonic friendship) to bloom between them and MC. the way he’ll treat MC and their relationship with anyone definitely depends a lot on their own relationship!!

#and there’s no need to apologies for asking questions!! #i LOVE questions!! #makes me feel like people are genuinely interested in the story and characters :33 #thank you for the ask <3 #asks #a court of serpents #acos #ryzan #zale #nailea #silos #caerus my man