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in-tua-deep · 3 years

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Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

#HUH?#survivors au #well adjusted five au #long post #far tua long #five recruits rick to be team dad #rick is DEEPLY confused #but he's the kind of person that rolls with it #dolores probably ends up tagging along as well on at least one occasion #dolores and patch bond #five pretends that dolores is a new sibling and not his dolores #five calls rick 'dad' and it messes with everyone else #patch is on team fuck-the-apocalypse(-and-reginald)#vanya is never alone so fuck leonard #five finds out that vanya causes the apocalypse and is like #vanya: HUH?#luther: maybe we should lock vanya up -#rick: are there are any other possible actions that might be more appropriate in this situation?#vanya: i could try get more meds to take and we could address the powers thing after april 1st #vanya immediately gets validated that reginald sucks #even luther who has had multiple conversations with rick is like 'dad... didn't always make the best choices...'#everyone: :0 #hazel doesn't kill patch so he probably joins team anti-apocalypse at some point #hazel: why are you a child #five: oh you know i'm young at heart and all that #OH forgot to mention one of the main differences in this au is that five like properly grew up this time #so while he is inconvenienced by his body he's not so deeply uncomfortable or angry about it #just resigned #'this might as well happen' - five #five probably makes jokes about it as well

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hargreef · 3 years

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Hi! I read your two-shot on ao3 and loved it. Do you think you could share some headcanons for those stories about Five and his recovery?? I really liked how you wrote him being young in his mind again💜

hi anon!! thank u so much for reading !!

i give u :

he has nightmares very often about his time in the basement & just refuses to battle them out alone

so he gravitates towards different siblings each time

klaus takes him up to the rooftop of the academy to see the stars whenever he’s having a bad night

sometimes five has such strong flashbacks about literally all his trauma that it fucks him up for hours and he has to lie completely still on the couch with either his own or one of his siblings hands covering his ears just to refrain from losing his actual mind

dolores remains a disembodied voice in his brain that speaks constant support and comfort, being the ecouraging, confident extension of himself that really does believe he’ll get through this

five starts asking allison to make his sandwiches for him

she cuts the crusts and all

diego brings him on walks around the city just to get him out of the house, and a lot of the time if five gets overwhelmed he begrudgingly asks diego to hold his hand

there’s just that paralysing fear of being held captive again always lingering in his subconscience

vanya continues to play the violin for him whenever he’s struggling to sleep

luther colours with him sometimes. he reassures him that it’s not a childish activity and buys a fuckload of adult colouring books for them

it actually proves to be really therapeutic for five

and a useful tool when he needs something to keep him busy other than fucking equations

at some stage klaus and five actually find dolores at the clothes store and five nearly has a breakdown when he sees she’s not wearing sequins

like it seriously is giving him such a hard time

he just can’t accept it

“where are her sequins????? why doesn’t she have sequins??? she likes them???? why won’t they let her wear her sequins???”

he literally gets so upset over this like he’s so mad

so klaus is all like ??? what the fuck five

and decides lol yolo and drags his brother arseways around the store to find a dress for this goddamn mannequin

then five decides that he can’t choose which one is perfect until he sees them tried on and klaus is delighted

so they go into the changing rooms and have a full on fashion show with klaus modelling this ugly ass sequin dresses with five giving them full out reviews

he literally judges on the semming.

the semming.

“no that neckline isn’t flattering and will itch her. the arms are an awkward length and will dig into her elbows. she doesn’t like v-necks.”

like he’s so fucking picky and klaus is like ohmygod five she’s a fucking mannequin

eventually they find one that’s just perfect and shamelessly shove it on her while somehow managing not to get caught by the employees

and then they go get ice cream after and five is on cloud nine

family outings are a must-have for five

the hargreeves insist on bringing him everywhere because this guy has seen literally jack shit his whole life

has he ever been to the movies???? ever gone cliff diving???? been anywhere remotely sugary other than griddys??? fuck knows

so they either all go out together or take turns each week introducing five to new things or carefully bringing him into old environments not associated with his time as an assassin/held captive

five steals luther’s clothes

luther pretends not to notice

five steals diego’s knives

diego also pretends not to notice

five steals klaus’ knitted sweaters

klaus does notice and makes sure five knows it

“five i built that sweater give it back.”

“finders keepers you imbecile.”

five constantly takes comfort items from his siblings and builds this whole mf nest out of them

they all make a huge thing out of saying ‘i love you’ and enforce it to be said like every night

anyways this got long my sincere apologies

hope u enjoyed !!

#for anyone thats confused i wrote a two piece about five getting kidnapped #its sad #five hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #number five #umbrella academy #number five the boy #the umbrella academy headcanons #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves

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i-like-writing-stuff · 4 years

Text

four months; part 2 [five hargreeves x reader]

a/n: thank you all so so much for your support and feedback! i literally could not believe that the first part has over 200 notes and yall want a continuation like omagash??? im soft, thank you guys <3

here is the long awaited part two, but before we dive into that, i felt the need to ask yall if you want five to be aged up?? in most x reader i’ve read on this site, five is aged up, but I felt like, in my case, i didn’t really needed to mention that because i am only like two months older than the actor, and its not like im gonna write smut with him- gross. point is, idk. should i age him up tho??? idk what to do, so here are both aidan and timothee to soothe ur heart for this second part!! <3

(the gifs do not belong to me, lemme know if u know who made them so i can give credits- they’re real cute mah gawsh!!!)

alsoo if you want more five imagines or literally any other hargreeves sibling or fictional character ousside tua, feel free to leave a request in my inbox! kisses <3

summary: after a long family meeting and more booze, you decide to make a bold move and profess your buried feelings.

part 1

“Men are stupid shitheads.” You concluded, setting your flask on the counter, looking at the new bangs Allison had just cut for you.

Even in her drunken state, they seemed to be very nicely done. You were quite surprised by the way they turned out, but pleased nonetheless. It was a spontaneous decision, getting bangs. You had been sitting in the hair salon she was working at with her, Klaus and Vanya after a not so great family meeting.

Hugs were shared, true, but then arguments started and before you even knew it, Luther stormed out, Diego followed him, Five went missing for whatever business he had, and Klaus claimed that Ben was not even there- apparently, ghosts can’t time travel.

So, it was just the four of you, drunk in a hair salon, with too much alcohol and way too many scissors around you, complaining about how shitty your love lives could be.

“Amen.” Klaus raised his drink in the air, “I’ll drink to that.”

“Right?” Allison nodded, combing her second client, Klaus, “The nerve of Ray! I mean, one thing goes wrong and he’s on a warpath!” She vented, holding the bottle of liquor in her free hand, “I mean, doesn’t know who I am?! No, no! No, Ray- you know exactly who I am, you just can’t handle it!”

You watched with a raised brow as Vanya was out of zone, pretending to be shooting the long line of empty bottles gathered in front of her, as Allison kept on continuing her rant. Her husband had just seen her use her powers on the night they started the protest, and was now having a real hard time comprehending what was going on. You didn’t see him at home either, so you figured he may have been upset with you as well for maybe hiding the secret. Or maybe he thought you were like her, who knows?

“Hey, wouldn’t it be weird if Five grew up all hot?” Klaus suddenly asked, taking a drag out of his cigarette, as he got up from his seat to walk around the hair salon, “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would you even think of your brother like that?” You asked riddled, narrowing your eyes at the man as his sisters almost gagged at the thought.

“Oh, please, you’ve been thinking that, haven’t you?” Klaus asked, pointing at you as you took another swig from your nearly empty flask.

“I... I mean- he’s... Five... uh... no comment!” You suddenly declared, at loss of words, as you got up from your seat, trying to maintain your balance as you made your way towards the bottle of liquor to fill your flask again.

“When are you two gonna confess your feelings?” Allison asked with a groan, letting her head fall backwards as she sat on the chair, “It’s getting really tiring!”

“We have an apocalypse going on!” You argued, “There’s no time for feelings!”

“This is the perfect time for feelings!” Klaus chimed in, taking another drag out of his cigarette, “These might be your last six days on Earth! Do you want to die regretting that you never told Five how you felt about him?”

“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You declared, out of arguments, as you poured liquor in your flask, “Why don’t we talk about Allison’s crush on Luther instead?”

“We have never even kissed!” Allison defended herself, causing Vanya to spin on her chair confused, looking between the three of you.

“Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and... all that.” Klaus waved her off, sipping from his own flask.

“Aren’t we all brothers and sisters, or...?” Vanya wondered confused, as you and Klaus snorted amused at her innocence.

“Well... technically...” Allison tried to find an excuse or explanation, but she was having a hard time putting her thoughts in place.

“Technically?” Klaus raised a brow, “If you....” He stammered, trying to regain his train of thought, “If you have to use the word technically, you’re already in trouble.”

“Okay, can we go back to Five and Y/N?” Allison tried to change the subject, “Or maybe at least help me save my marriage?”

“That’s like...” Klaus stumbled on his own feet, filling his flask again, as you leaned against Vanya’s chair curiously, “That’s like asking a nun how to hump someone’s leg! I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?” He asked, pointing at Vanya, “In secret love with some farm Frau!”

“Her name’s Sissy.” Vanya informed him.

“Which is an improvement on her previous love interest.” He said, looking at you and Allison, as you shook your heads to slightly tell him to shut up, “...the serial killer.”

“What?!” Vanya yelled, looking between you and Allison for an explanation, but you just softly waved her off, promising to remind her later.

“And look at this one!” Klaus ignored the three of you, pointing at... well, you, “A fifty year old assassin, who got the chance to be a teen again, but she is too afraid to admit her feelings for the... wait, is Five a boy or a man?”

“Both?” You raised a brow, unsure of the answer.

“Meanwhile, I’m carrying a torch for a soldier I haven’t technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.” Klaus waved you off, trying to keep his balance again on his feet.

“Okay, again- we are not biological!” Allison tried to defend herself once more, but Klaus simply ignored her.

“Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.” He said, making all of you nod in agreement, as you couldn’t help but confess, taking another chug out of your flask;

“I can’t believe I got to the point where I was jealous of Dolores.”

Okay, maybe ‘banging’ and ‘jealous’ were strong words, but you had to admit you were not that pleased when one of the first things that Five did when he got back to 2019, was go to some store to get back his plastic girlfriend who kept him company in the four decades he spent all by himself in the apocalypse.

You understood his mind, though. You would have gone insane as well if you had to be all alone after the end of the world, without another soul on the planet. Nonetheless, you still were maybe a tad too happy when he decided to return her to the store.

Leaving you the only woman he had eyes for, unbeknownst to you.

“I’m gonna tell Sissy that I love her.” Vanya suddenly declared, straightening her position confidently.

“You go, girl!” You cheered, clapping for your friend.

“I don’t want any secrets.” She said, making you and the other two nod in agreement, contemplating about your own lives.

“Yeah!” Allison said, getting up with the bottle of alcohol tightly clutched in her hand, “Yeah, yeah- you’re right! Yes, ‘cause, you know- if this all goes tits-up, the least I can do is be honest with my husband!

“Oh, does that mean I have to face my cult?” Klaus sighed, “I just hate group break-ups, it’s why I stopped dating twins!”

You pondered about it for a moment, in your state that was definitely not the most sober. You had a lot of alcohol coursing through your veins, but you felt like maybe it was better. You could think with your heart more than you could think with your brain, and your heart was telling you that your friends were right.

They all are getting themselves ready to take big risks in their lives, why shouldn’t you? They had a valid point; the world was gonna end in six days if you guys couldn’t find a way to solve this. Last time you didn’t have the brightest plan, so why should this time be a success? Reality hit you; there was a real big chance that you might die.

So why not just be honest with Five? What was the worst that could happen? You manage to save the world and Five rejects you? Big deal!

Well, it actually was a big deal.

“What if he rejects me?” You asked all of a sudden, causing the three siblings to turn to you, “What if I tell Five how I feel about him and he rejects me? I know maybe at my age I shouldn’t be this anxious about a man, but... it’s not like I’m going anywhere, I’m glued to the Hargreeves clan.”

And it was true. After the events of the 2019 apocalypse, right before you and the others got separated, you shared an adorable moment in which you confessed to each other how happy you were to have met and be taken into their family as one of their own.

“Normally, I’d say to not ponder on that for too... long.” Klaus slurred, “But given that it’s Five, you don’t even have to worry about that.”

“He’s right.” Allison shrugged, “That won’t be a problem.

“I have no memory of any of you, but from the hug I’ve seen you two share earlier- you’re not just friends.” Vanya spoke up, making you stare into nothingness for a moment.

I mean, it’s Five we are talking about. If he were to have any feelings, it’s not like he’d be honest with them or act, right? It would be up to you to make the first move.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your hands on your upper arms, reminding yourself of the hug. It may have been the first time you and Five actually hugged, in all the years you’ve known each other. The way he held you close and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent, feeling you in his arms, even if for him it had been only four days. You had to live with the thought that he may be dead for months.

And you hated that, you knew you wanted him alongside you. You wanted that little rude, at times obnoxious dipshit, with a soft heart- as much as he hated to admit it. You loved how much he cared about his family, about saving the world. Five is a great person; he is caring and has a big heart, as much as he tried to hide it behind his trashmouth.

“Fine!” You groaned, letting your head fall backwards, “I’ll tell Five I fucking love him and his dipshit face!”

“Yes!” Klaus clapped, as Allison and Vanya cheered proudly, “Come here!”

You and Vanya walked towards him, as Allison wrapped an arm around his waist, waiting for the two of you to skip towards them, pulling you into a group hug, as “Twistin’ the night away” by Sam Cooke blasted on the radio, causing the four of you to start a small dance party, letting for the first time in a long while your problems just go away.

For the sake of the song.

After a couple more hours of drinking, gossiping and dancing, the four of you decided to finally part ways and attend your promised business. Klaus went to deal with his cult, as Allison decided to be completely honest with her husband at home and Vanya was going to confess to Sissy.

As for you?

You were going to tell Five Hargreeves you were in love with him.

“Hey, dipshit!” You confidently yelled, running up the stairs of the store, trying to find Five.

“Y/N?” Five frowned, walking out of the kitchen with a coffee mug in his hands and a confused look on his face, “Are you... even more drunk? And did you get bangs- what the...?”

“Shut up.” You waved him off, walking towards him to grab the mug out of his hand to sober yourself up, “Why in the hell are you even drinking coffee at this hour?”

“I’m... trying to calm myself...” He frowned, watching as you chugged his freshly poured coffee.

“Normally I’d ask.” You said, setting the mug on the counter, shaking your head, “But right now what I have to say is more important.”

“Is that so?” Five raised a brow curiously, as you slowly slapped your cheeks, trying to get the room to stop moving, “Why don’t you go to bed?” He asked, gently pushing you towards the couch, “And we talk in the morning? I don’t really have time for this.”

“No!” You yelled, stopping in your tracks to poke his chest, “We don’t have to talk! I talk and you- you listen!” You said, poking his chest again, “You never have time for anything, all you can think of is your stupid apocalypse!”

“Oh yes, isn’t that a trivial thing to be thinking of?” He asked with a sarcastic smile, crossing his arms.

“I don’t need your sarcasm!” You yelled, poking his chest a third time, feeling him get more tense.

“I swear to God, Y/N, if you do that one more time-...” Five took in a deep breath, as he could feel as he was slowly losing his patience.

“Shut up!” You groaned, watching as his brows knitted in confusion, “I’m trying to confess my feelings for you, you moron!”

“W...What?” He asked, as his face suddenly softened, unfolding his arms.

“I’m in love with you!” You sighed, rubbing your face, “Okay? I-I am in love with you and I am trying to sober myself up, but I think I may have had too much to drink.”

“You think?” Five scoffed, slowly leading you towards the couch, “Are you sure you’re not saying this just because you have a ton of alcohol coursing through you?”

“Well... kinda, ‘cause if I were sober there was no way in hell I would have confessed.” You puffed, complying, as you let yourself guided by him, “Allison, Klaus and Vanya all convinced me that I should tell you, that we only have six days left on Earth and in case we don’t save it... I shouldn’t be going down with regrets.”

Five listened to your every word carefully, as you continuing venting about how his siblings spent the whole day trying to convince you to tell him about your feelings, as he slowly held your hands, as you took a seat on the couch. He nodded at your words to let you know that he was listening, as he took two pillows off the armchairs beside, placing them at one end, softly pushing you down.

“...and then Klaus said that he hates group breakups.” You said, not even noticing what was going on, feeling your lids get heavier once your head met the pillow.

“Not a surprise there...” Five muttered, grabbing the blanket that was rested on top of the couch, placing it over you.

“Are you trying to dismiss me?” You wondered, but still making yourself more comfortable, as you sat on your side, with your head facing Five, who knelt in front of you tired.

He bit back a smile, watching as you slowly closed your eyes. He knew you were extremely drunk, he could see that in the way exhaust took over you. Not only you had a lot of alcohol in your system, but you’ve also had some long couple of days, and some longer ones were ahead of you until you knew for a fact the world was safe once more.

“I don’t know how it is, that you’re the one person who actually makes me feel... soft.” He confessed, watching your lips curve into a smile at his words, “You... drunken idiot.”

“I regret nothing.” You said proudly, as Five couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, softly stroking your hair to help you fall asleep sooner.

“We’ll see about that in the morning.” He smirked amused, watching as you pouted.

“You never gave me an answer, you know.” You pointed out, letting his soft touch calm you down, as you felt sleep slowly take over you.

“You never gave me a question.” He retorted, knowing for sure that if your eyes were opened, you would roll them at him.

“I think you like to hear me say that I am in love with you, it’s the third time I have to say it.” You said, slowly placing your hands under your pillow, making yourself more comfortable.

“I am happy to see that you still know how to count.” Five said, placing some wild strands of hair behind your ear.

“Screw you.” You said, making him grin, as he went back to stroking your hair.

“In this whole... shitty situation I managed to get myself into, you, Y/N, might as well be the only thing keeping me sane... surprisingly.” Five frowned at the last bit, watching as you opened your eyes, shifting your head to watch him, “I love you too, moron.”

“I never said I love you.” You smirked, teasing him as he rolled his eyes.

“You little chipmunk...” Five sighed, shaking his head in disbelief amused, as you leaned into his touch more, closing your eyes, pleased with yourself.

“Yeah, but you still love me.” You said, not once dropping that smirk on your lips.

“You’re impossible, did you know that?” He wondered, resting his forearm on the couch beside you, as he knelt on the floor, trying to make himself more comfortable, noticing the way you were enjoying the scalp massage... for free.

“A little bit.” You slowly shrugged, wrapping your arms around his, once you felt it beside you.

Five watched with a soft smile as you pulled his arms closer to your face, nuzzling into it with a satisfied smile, happy that you listened to your friends.

And deep down, so was Five thanking his siblings.

#tua #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy imagines #number five #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves imagines

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calwrites · 3 years

Text

The Illusion (pt 3)

Summary: How do you save the world when all you have to go on is an eye? The reader isn’t sure, but Five seems to have an idea. But helping her brother without jeopardizing her career might be harder than it seems. It doesn’t help that Diego manages to get the reader interested in a local case.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Umbrella Academy!Reader

Warnings: Umbrella Academy spoilers

Word Count: 6.5k

Unfortunately, there’s very little Criminal Minds in this chapter, but this should be the last Umbrella Academy heavy one. The BAU returns next chapter...

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“So you’re telling me that the only thing we have to go on is an eye? We have to stop the apocalypse, and the only clue we have is an eyeball?”

“That’s what I said,” Five snapped as you tried to keep your eyes on the road. You had insisted that you drive, seeing as Five was thirteen and didn’t have a license. He was still sulking. “I have a plan, though. We’re going to go to the manufacturers of the eye and find out who the eye belongs to.”

“My first problem with that plan is that they’re going to wonder how we got the eye and will no doubt contact the police to make sure we didn’t murder anyone. My second problem is that they’re not just going to give out confidential information like that. Their clients’ information is protected. Giving us the name will potentially open them up to some big time lawsuits.”

“You’re an FBI agent. Just flash them your badge and make them give us the name. It’s not that hard.”

You sighed. “Five, I’m on thin ice with the FBI right now. They’re not exactly pleased that I lied to them about my identity.”

“Are they mad that you lied or that they didn’t catch your lie?”

Your lip quirked a bit before you forced yourself to be serious again. You were still proud that you had managed to fool the FBI for so long by yourself. “Both probably. But I have a trial next week and until then, I need to keep my head down and not piss them off anymore. Even after the trial, if they let me keep my job, I’ll be under intense scrutiny for who knows how long.”

“Is your trial before or after the world ends?”

“After,” you admitted.

“Then you can worry about your job after we save the world,” Five pointed out.

“Listen, I want to help you save the world, but I’m not going to lose my job in the process. And I’m definitely not going to risk it for an eye that might not even be useful.”

“It’s useful,” Five hissed through clenched teeth. You got the impression that he was very close to actually wanting to snap your neck.

“How do you know? What makes you think that an eye is related to the end of the world? Especially since you didn’t even see who it belongs to.”

“I just do, okay?” You waited for an explanation, but Five was too busy scowling out the window to provide one.

“What aren’t you telling me?” you prodded. Silence. “You know I could just look.”

Five sighed angrily, but something in his voice when he spoke made you realize just how serious he was. “You don’t want to see what I saw. Just believe me. Whoever has this eye is going to cause the end of the world.”

“Fine,” you accepted. “Tell me about the future, then.”

“Everything’s destroyed. What else is there to know?”

“I need to know everything I can in order to try to predict how the world is destroyed. There’s a couple possibilities, I guess. Environmental disaster. Nuclear explosion. Aliens.”

“Aliens?” Five scoffed.

You hit his arm in response. “We have super powers for some unknown reason, and you think aliens are far fetched?”

“Fine,” Five bit back. “It just looked like a wasteland. Buildings were destroyed. Some were still on fire. The ground was dust. I managed to survive by eating whatever I could find. Canned food. Cockroaches.” You made a face before you could help yourself. Thank goodness you hadn’t looked in his head to see that. “You know that myth that Twinkies have an endless shelf life? It’s total bullshit.” Five laughed mirthlessly. “We did what we had to do to survive. We adapted.”

“We?” you questioned. You were sure that Five had said all humans were dead. Five’s jaw clenched and he stared pointendly out the window, pretending he didn’t head you. You eyed your brother carefully. You wanted to believe him. Well, not really wanted since that meant believing the world was about to end, but you thought he was telling the truth. Still, being alone could really mess up your mind, especially after something as traumatic as accidentally time travelling into the future.

“You think I’m crazy,” he finally said quietly.

“I already told you that I don’t. Look, I’m driving back to the house with you. I don’t know what else could show you that I’m serious about helping you. I’m just trying to get all of the information. So, was there anyone else with you?”

“Dolores,” Five finally admitted grudgingly.

“And Dolores is?” you prompted.

“My wife.” You turned completely to stare at your brother. Your thirteen year old brother, who was actually much older than you now and was apparently married. “The road,” Five yelled, yanking the wheel to the side, so your car narrowly avoided the highway railing.

“Sorry. We’ll need to unpack that later. Preferably after we save the world. Okay, so there were cockroaches. Any other bugs or animals?”

“No.”

“You must have found some water to drink. Anything off about the water level? Did it seem really high or low?”

“No.”

“Did you see any signs of strange technology? Maybe some new weaponry? Something alien?”

��No,” Five repeated, his voice starting to sound annoyed.

“Okay,” you thought desperately for something that could give you some information. “What about the sky? Did you notice anything like strange planets or maybe something to suggest that the earth shifted?”

“I couldn’t see the sky,” Five answered softly. “There was always smoke and clouds and, I don’t know, shit in the sky. Never saw the sun. Never saw any stars or planets.”

“Well I doubt the earth was knocked out of position. If a change in position had killed all humans, you wouldn’t have survived. Unless whatever moved earth moved it back after everyone was dead.”

“Will you stop with the aliens!”

“I’m just thinking out loud,” you snapped back. “Believe it or not, I don’t have a ready made list of every possible thing that could cause the apocalypse.” You sighed, trying to calm yourself down. You were starting to get a headache, but not like a normal one. It didn’t feel like one that was brought on by dehydration or lack of sleep. It felt like the headaches you used to get when you were younger. Like your mind was about to explode out of your head. Like you just needed to engulf everything around you.

‘It’s because your mind knows that it should be monitoring everyone else’s mind.’ That’s what your father used to tell you. That your consciousness was too big for your own head, so you needed to be in everyone else’s at all times.

You shook your head, trying to clear the memories of those talks with your father. They wouldn’t do you any good now.

“Shit in the sky,” you mused. “Probably not a nuclear bomb. You don’t seem like you’ve been exposed to anything strong enough to wipe out the entire world. Worldwide volcanic winter? Maybe a super volcano erupted. By the time you showed up, the world was habitable again.”

“But how would a person in the city make a supervolcano erupt?” Five’s fingers clenched around the eye.

“I don’t know. A super volcano machine?” Five glared at you, but didn’t deign to give you a response. “Fine. Um, some sort of meteor hit earth and wiped everything out. Like the dinosaurs, but more thorough.”

“Using a meteor machine?” Five asked sarcastically.

“Maybe! Luther’s been up in space doing who knows what. There would be someone else up there who’s been prepping a meteor to hit the earth. Or someone could have some sort of super missile to shoot at a meteor as it passes. Make it explode and enough of it might hit earth to wipe out everyone. We should see if there’s supposed to be any big meteors passing earth in eight days. I’ll ask Garci-” You stopped suddenly. You couldn’t ask Garcia about this. This wasn’t a case. None of your teammates could find out about this. If the world was going to end in eight days, you weren’t going to ruin the rest of their time by telling them they have an official expiration date. “Um, we can look it up later.”

You could feel Five studying you carefully. “You really care about your work, don’t you? And your coworkers.”

“They’re like my family,” you admitted.

Five chuckled darkly. “Probably less dysfunctional than our actual family.”

“Definitely,” you agreed. You hesitated for a moment, debating asking Five the question that had been on the tip of your tongue. “So are you going to tell the rest of our siblings what’s going on?”

“I will when they’ll be useful,” Five clipped.

“I don’t think that’s very fair. They could help.”

“Whatever you say,” Five mumbled. “I’m going to get some sleep.” Before you could say anything else, Five closed his eyes. You knew from experience that Five wouldn’t respond to anything else you said, whether he was actually sleeping or just faking, so you resigned yourself to silence for the rest of the drive.

--------------------------

“I still think this is a bad idea. Let’s go back to the house and come up with a better plan.” Five continued to squeeze the fake eye in his hand as the elevator climbed up.

“Unless you think you can hack into their system and see who the eye belongs to, this is the only plan.”

You shrugged, thinking about what you already knew about this company. “I’m actually not a bad hacker. If I can use Dad’s good computer it might even be possible for me to find the name.”

“We don’t have time for ‘might.’ We have to find out whose eye this is as quickly as possible. Then we can-”

“Stop the world from ending. Yeah I get it. You can’t get mad at me when they won’t give you the name just because you ask though.”

Five turned to you with a strained smile on his face. He was probably trying to look like a normal kid, but he looked a little bit like he was about to murder you. “You forget that I’m now a child. No one’s going to question a child who’s just trying to do a good deed.”

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t respond. The elevator doors opened and you followed Five out. The floor was very modern. Windows and glass walls everywhere. Five turned around slowly, taking it all in.

“Uh, can I help you?” You took the man in silently. Lab Coat. Badge. He could help if he wanted to, but you doubted he would. Styled hair. Straight tie. Pens neatly arranged in his coat pocket. He was too much of a rule follower to break protocol and give out personal information. Though the friendly inflection of his voice suggested that he would struggle with the decision internally.

“I need to know who this belongs to.” Five held up the eye.

“Where did you get that?” The man’s brows drew together in a mixture of confusion and concern.

“What do you care?” You groaned internally. For a guy who was basing his plan off of people not being able to turn down children, he was not trying very hard to act like a likable child. You could see Five tense up slightly before he forced himself to continue. “At a playground actually,” he said, not sounding at all like someone who would be at a playground. “Must have just popped out. I want to return it to its rightful owner.”

“Oh what a thoughtful young man,” the receptionist said, smiling sweetly at Five. You debated interjecting to help him, but decided instead to watch how this played out. Observe how the employees act before attempting to manipulate them.

“Yeah just look up the name for me, would ya?” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Five couldn’t be more unlikable even if he tried. Maybe so long without human contact had messed with him more than you realized.

The man started shaking his head. “Patient records are confidential. That means I can’t-”

“Yeah I know what it means,” Five interrupted.

“But I’ll tell you what I can do. I can take the eye off your hands and return it to its rightful owner. I’m sure they will be very grateful. So if I can just-” The man reached for the eye that was still clutched tightly in your brother’s hand.

“Yeah you’re not touching the eye.”

The man looked at you in disbelief. “Is this your son?”

You looked Five over. “Um yeah. That is my son. He really just wants to return the eye to the owner, and I’d really like to not have it around. If you could just give us a name or address or something. I know it’s supposed to be confidential, but-”

“But she’s a federal agent-”

“No I’m not,” you interrupted quickly. “I will, however, make a very generous donation if you could just give me the name.”

The man started shaking his head again. Five suddenly tried to lunge at him, but you managed to grab his arms before he could.

“Listen here, asshole,” Five yelled as you started to drag him towards the elevator.

“Thanks so much for your time,” you called. You didn’t release Five until the elevator doors had shut completely.

“Why didn’t you make him tell us?”

“I told you I wasn’t going to do that. You know, you’re very bad at acting like a child.”

“That’s because I haven’t been a child in years. I’m in my fifties.” Five continued to seethe beside you.

“Then don’t come up with a plan that relies on people giving you what you want because you’re a child.” Thankfully, your phone started ringing, saving you from Five’s response. You frowned at the unfamiliar number, but answered anyway, if only to delay Five’s anger. Your frown deepened as you listened to the voice coming through your speaker.

“Who was that?” Five asked. He was glaring at the eye in his hand.

“That was someone at the police station asking me to go pick up Diego. You’re on your own for now. Let me know when your next attempt is, unless it’s going to be illegal. I don’t want to bail out two brothers on the same day.” With that, the elevator doors opened and you left your brother glaring after you.

--------------------------

Thankfully, it was easier to find Diego than it was to find the owner of the eye. He was being led through the bullpen by a uniform officer.

“Excuse me, officer.” You called, hurrying over to the man. “I got a call telling me to pick up this one. If you could just uncuff him, I can sign or pay whatever and we’ll be out of your way.”

“Detective Patch asked to see him before we let him go,” the man replied. You shrugged and gestured for him to lead the way.

“I can’t believe they made you come down here. Normally they just let me go. Rodriguez, what gives?” Rodriguez shrugged. “Oh well. At least you were still in town.”

“Only because of Five. He showed up at my office this morning and made me come back.”

Diego turned to you, a look of shock on his face. “So Five got to see Quantico before me? C’mon, Y/N! That’s so not fair.”

“Not my problem.” It was easy to determine which of the people in the bullpen was Detective Patch. You had heard Diego talk about her before. He was sitting at a desk while another detective stood next to her, saying something you couldn’t quite hear. Diego noticed your focus and seemed to realize that he should be quiet.

“-get this, 1938.” The man bounced on the balls of his feet excitedly, but Patch rolled her eyes.

“Tell them to run it again.” She handed the evidence bag back to the man, who seemed to deflate a little bit, but took it without complaint. Patch noticed Diego then. Her eyes flicked to you curiously. “We’ll pick this up later. Uncuff him.” Rodriguez uncuffed Diego, who thanked him and then took a seat like this was a normal thing for him. It probably was, you realized. She studied you carefully when you stayed standing behind Diego. “Sorry, you are?”

“Y/N.” You held out your hand, which she took after a second of hesitation. Her handshake was unsurprisingly firm, but you noted the small look of surprise when she registered your strength. “I got a call asking me to pick him up.”

“Not that I’ve ever needed a babysitter to pick me up before,” Diego said. He grabbed a paper on Patch’s desk, which she promptly snatched back. “So, did you talk to the tow truck guy?”

“Shut up and listen carefully.” To your surprise, Diego actually did. “The next time you interfere with one of my investigations, I’ll charge you with obstruction of justice. You will do jail time. Then, getting out won’t be as easy as calling your girlfriend to come pick you up.” The only way you realized you were the ‘girlfriend’ in question was because Patch glared at you. You considered correcting her, but shut your mouth.

“Girlfriend? No gross. That’s disgusting. She’s my sister. Right, Y/N?” Diego turned to look at you. “Y/N, why aren’t you saying anything.”

“To be honest, I wasn’t sure if this was some angle you were playing. I’ve already had to pretend to be Five’s mom today, so I was just going to go with it.”

“What?” Diego and Patch asked at the same time. You waved your hand to indicate that it didn’t matter. Patch continued to study you for a second before turning to Diego.

“Look, Eudora-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You love playing by the rules, but you live for putting the scumbags away. So, for one night, put down the badge and come out on the streets with me. Without all this bullshit.”

“You’re right. That does sound super fun. But I think you missed some things when you got yourself thrown out of the police academy, so let me explain. All this bullshit,” Patch said slowly, like she was talking to a toddler, “is what gets convictions in a court of law.” Diego leaned back and sighed, but you had to nod along with her. “What you do is fantasy. I would love to put on a mask and play superheroes and feel important, but guess what? Recess is over. It’s grownup time. You’re still trying to prove that what you did when you were kids, running around in those stupid uniform, that it wasn’t for nothing.” You couldn’t see Diego’s face, but you could see his jaw clench at her words. He turned to face you.

“Do you agree, Y/N?”

Patch scoffed slightly before looking at you. “No offense, but I don’t really care what she thinks. If she’s your sister, the one that isn’t the actress or the writer, then she’s a mask wearing vigilante too, I assume.”

You smiled tightly at her. Truth be told, her words had stung you a little bit too. Wasn’t that exactly what you had been trying to prove by joining the FBI? That everything you did as a kid, that all of that training, wasn’t for nothing. But you didn’t let that show on your face. Instead, you pulled your badge out of your pocket. “FBI agent, actually. I agree with you that all the bullshit is necessary for a conviction. Unfortunately, Diego normally has good instincts, so, if I were you, I would talk to the tow truck driver.”

“You’re a real FBI agent?” Patch asked, not bothering to hide the disbelief in her voice. You nodded. “What department?”

“Behavioral Analysis Unit,” you responded impatiently. You had a bad feeling that if you left Five alone for too long he would definitely do something illegal.

“Can I see your badge again?” You rolled your eyes, but handed it over to her. “Sorry, it’s just that your idiot brother shows up with fake badges all the time, so I have to be sure.”

“Do you want to call my supervisor? I can give you his card. His name is Aaron Hotchner,” you offered sarcastically. Patch seemed to come to her senses then and handed you back your badge. As she did, the detective she was talking to earlier walked past, catching sight of your badge.

“Woah! FBI? Maybe you can make sense of our rogue fingerprint then.”

“No don’t-” Patch started, but the man continued.

“Diego can tell you about the crime scene, but all the ballistics matched guns found at the scene, so we should assume that all the idiots shot each other, right? Simple robbery gone wrong.”

“But it’s not,” Diego interjected. Patch threw her hands up in frustration that no one seemed to be listening to her.

“Some of the guys were stabbed, though. And the prints on the knife don’t match any of the guys at the scene. They do match a print from a cold case from 1938. Weird right?”

Your brows knitted in confusion. “And the tow truck driver is a witness?”

“He left before any shots were fired. Your brother seems to think that we need to interview him, though.”

“And you don’t?” you challenged. Patch met her eyes with a small glare. She shook her head. “Any other witnesses?”

“An employee. She was in the back when it happened. Said that driver and his son were the only people in the restaurant before she went back. She heard the car drive away, then gunshots started,” Patch said, resignation clear in her voice. You were glad that she had given up the fight. This case actually piqued your interest.

“She say anything about the driver and kid?”

“Driver had an eclair, and the kid had coffee,” Patch answered.

“Where was this?” you asked, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach.

“The donut shop we used to go to when we were little,” Diego said. “You remember it?” You nodded, trying not to give away how fast your mind was racing. It couldn’t be Five, you told yourself. That would be impossible. Diego slammed his hand on the desk excitedly. “You should get your team on this case, Y/N.”

“That’s not really how it works. I can’t just decide that we should work a case. We have to be invited in, then we have to decide to take it. And besides right now I shouldn’t-” you cut yourself off.

“You shouldn’t what?” Diego pushed. At your silence, realization dawned on his face. “Oh they’re pissed at you. They know that you’ve been lying to them, and they’re pissed. Well, you still have the badge, so they haven’t fired you. Are you on probation of something? Is that why you’re back here?”

“I have a trial next week,” you snapped to shut your brother up. You took a deep breath, then turned to Patch, who was watching you with a raised brow. You held out a card to her. “You might not trust Diego’s opinion, but I hope you trust mine. That’s the number for my team. I think this case isn’t as open and shut as it seems. If you’d like the help of the BAU, feel free to call.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised that both Hargreaves as rule breakers,” she said slowly, ignoring the card in your hand. Finally, she took it, then turned to Diego. “Go. Before I change my mind.”

You followed Diego out of the police station. To your surprise, he somehow managed to keep his mouth shut until you had exited the building.

“This is great!” He spun around to face you, causing you to step back a bit in surprise. “With your team on the case, you’ll be able to tell me everything happening and I can still work the case. Could you bring me on as a consultant or something?”

“Diego, stop.” The tone of your voice made your brother snap his mouth shut. “I have a trial next week. Until then, I’m on desk duty. If I go back to work, then all I’ll be doing is paperwork. And I don’t even know if my team could take a new case. They might still be working on Dad’s death.”

“Dad’s death? But there’s nothing to work on.” Some passersby eyed Diego warily as he idly spun a knife around his fingers.

“They’re supposed to rule out all possibilities before any conspiracy theories start to gain traction. The Bureau assigned them the case, so they don’t have a say.”

“And you don’t know whether they’ve finished?”

You shook your head. “If I so much as glance at a file for the case, then I’ll be gone from the Bureau.”

“If you’re in so much trouble, why are you here and not at your desk being a good little FBI agent?”

“My boss told me I could take time off before the trial. There are a lot of people curious about seeing an Umbrella Academy kid, so our floor was getting a bit crowded. And then Five showed up and asked me to come back.”

“Woah, what? Why did Five ask you to come back?” Diego stopped walking and turned to look at you seriously.

You hesitated before answering. Five had said he didn’t want to tell anyone about the apocalypse yet. Even if you didn’t agree with him, shouldn’t you respect his wishes? And even if you were going to tell someone, Diego probably wouldn’t be your first choice. There was no telling when he would do. Probably land himself in jail again.

“You can ask him about it,” you said finally. “He just wants my help getting some information.”

“Ah. Is he trying to reintegrate into society? Geez, I can’t imagine how messed up his head is. Have you profiled him yet? Or just taken a peek inside his brain?”

“No, Diego. I don’t profile family, and I don’t use my powers.”

“You did yesterday,” Diego muttered sarcastically.

“On that note, I’m going to leave you before I’m tempted to use them again. I assume you can find your car. Wherever it is.” Before Diego could respond, you were in your car and driving away. You could see Diego yelling in your rearview mirror, but you didn’t stop to hear what he said.

You tried to focus on finding Five and figuring out what your next plan for stopping the apocalypse would be, but you couldn’t keep your mind from wandering back to Patch’s case. It didn’t really make sense that all of those men would fatally shoot each other in the short amount of time between the tow truck driving away and the employee coming out from the back.

And then there was the fingerprint. The donut shop you went to when you were children. It’s a place Five would go to get coffee. He was familiar with the area. It would be a place of comfort to him. But he couldn’t have been involved in a case from the 1930s. He had to have time travelled back to the present as soon as he figured out how to jump backwards. Still, you couldn’t get rid of the unease in the back of your mind. If your team did take the case, what would they find?

--------------------------

“Back again, ma’am?” You grimaced apologetically at the receptionist, who was eyeing you warily.

“I’m sorry, but I’m looking for my son. He won’t let go of this whole eye thing, so I guessed he might be here.”

The receptionist nodded and gestured to one of the glass walled offices. “He and your husband are meeting with the boss in there.”

You turned, a slight grimace on your face, to see who Five had decided was your husband. Klaus. In one of your father’s suits. You were tempted to leave them and find out how they failed when they got back to the house, but instead you took a deep breath and headed towards the office. As you were reaching for the door handle, Klaus punched Five, then leaned calmly over the desk. To be fair, there were a couple times over the past 24 hours when you had wanted to punch Five. Still, you rushed into the room, ready to stop whatever your idiot brothers were doing.

“I want it. Name. Now, please,” Klaus said calmly. The man looked between him, Five, now sporting a bleeding lip, and you. You shut the door quietly.

“Klaus, what are you doing?”

“Oh, how nice of you to join us, Y/N. I’m just trying to get a name for our darling son.”

“You're crazy,” the doctor said, his voice wavering ever so slightly. He was unsure of how to proceed. Unsure of just how far Klaus would go. Knowing Klaus, the answer was a lot farther.

Klaus laughed. “Oh, you got no idea.” He looked down at the snowglobe on the desk. The doctor followed his gaze, panic written plainly on his face.

“Klaus, don’t-” you began, but before you could finish Klaus had picked up the snowglobe and smashed it on his head. To the businesses credit, they must have really good, soundproof walls. No one outside of the room seemed to have any idea what was going on inside. You threw your hands up. “I don’t know why I bother.”

“God that hurt,” Klaus groaned.

The doctor grabbed his phone and began furiously dialling. “I’m calling securi-”

Klaus grabbed the phone from his hand. “There’s been an assault. We need security now.” Ever the dramatic sibling, Klaus sounded incredibly pathetic as he whimpered over the phone. “Now here’s what’s going to happen, Grant.”

“It’s Lance.”

“In about 60 seconds, two security guards are going to burst through that door, and they’re going to wonder ‘what the hell happened’ and we’re going to tell them that you beat the shit out of us. And they’re going to believe us. Because we’re bleeding, and we have an FBI agent who will back up our story.” Klaus turned to look at you, blood dripping from his head and silver stars still stuck to his face. “Right, honey?”

“Stop telling people I’m an FBI agent.” You sighed, hating what you were about to do. “Right now I’m just a mother and a wife, who just had to watch her family be harmed by someone who’s supposed to be helping people. And all because my son wants to return an eye that he found.”

Lance looked between the three of you in horror, before getting up and going over to a filing cabinet. He riffled through it for a few seconds before pulling out a file. The brows pulled together in confusion. “Huh. That’s weird.”

“What?” Five snapped.

“The eye. It hasn’t been purchased by a client yet.” You stood over his shoulder, looking at the file. “The eye with that serial number...this can’t be right. It hasn’t even been manufactured yet. Where did you get that eye?”

Your blood ran cold as your eyes scanned the file. He was right. So your one lead wasn’t even useful. Not yet at least. Without responding to Lance, Five began walking towards the elevator, leaving you and Klaus to follow.

“I’m really sorry about all of this,” you told Lance. “It’s a long story.”

“If I ever see you three here again, I’ll have security escort you out immediately.”

“That’s fair.”

“Well, this isn’t good,” Five stated as the three of you left the building.

“Yeah but I was pretty good right? ‘What about my consent, bitch?’”

“Klaus, it doesn’t matter,” Five snapped.

Klaus spun in a circle, his arms out wide, before facing you and Five. “Why? What’s the big deal about this eye?”

“There’s someone out there who’s going to lose an eye in the next seven days. They’re going to bring about the end of life on this earth as we know it.” Without waiting for Klaus’s reply, Five began walking away. His hands were balled into fists and his shoulders were so tight that he looked like he had a hunchback.

“Right. Can I get my 20 bucks now?” Klaus spun on his heel and began following Five, who turned around furiously to face Klaus.

“The apocalypse is coming and all you can think about is getting high?” Five seethed.

“Well I’m also quite hungry. Tummy’s a-rumbling.”

“You’re useless.” Five sat heavily on the steps of the building. “You’re all useless.”

“Excuse me. I came back here because you asked me to.”

“Yeah, but you won’t do anything to actually help. You could have asked your technical analyst to hack into their records, but you didn’t. You’re all useless.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel, maybe I’ll just go back to DC. Spend my last days on with people who actually care about me.” You turned back towards your car, every intention of getting in it and leaving Five in the dust.

“You just want to get back to your new boyfriend,” he called after you, making you stop in your tracks. Spencer. You had to save the world for Spencer. Didn’t the two of you deserve a chance to be together? And didn’t the rest of your team deserve a chance to live the rest of their lives. Shouldn’t Hotch and JJ be able to watch their children grow up? You took a deep breath before turning back around to face your brothers.

“I know why you must be so uptight.” Klaus sat next to Five, throwing an arm around him. Five looked at Klaus with disgust. “You need to get laid. I mean, all those years by yourself? It’s gotta screw with your head.”

“Well...I wasn’t alone.” Klaus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Her name was Dolores. We were together for 30 years.” You were beginning to worry that Five might have been living some sort of Castaway situation, and Dolores was actually a rock or something that Five had convinced himself was a real person.

“Not to break up this wonderful bonding, but you guys can’t do something like that again.” You looked between your brothers as you spoke. Five rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. Or if you do, I can’t be a part of it. I can’t even know about it. If the Bureau gets wind that I’m doing something illegal, I could lose my job. Five, I’ve already told you that I’m on thin ice. I’m not going to risk it. Not even for-” Before you could finish, Five popped away. You saw him lean out the window of a taxi driving past. “-the end of the world.”

“Hey!” Klaus hopped up quickly. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?” Five continued to wave as he drove past.

“Come on, Klaus.” You put a hand on his shoulder. “We can pick up some food on our way back to the house. I’m not buying you drugs, though.” Klaus shut his mouth quickly and began to pout. “That’s going to work. And If you don’t stop pouting, I won’t buy you any ice cream.”

--------------------------

You sat by yourself at the kitchen table, staring at the untouched dinner in front of you. Pogo and Allison were the only other people home. Last you knew, Allison was somewhere upstairs sulking. Apparently, she and Vanya had a fight earlier. Allison was so upset about it that you could feel the emotions wafting off of her as soon as you entered the house.

The texts on your phone were shining up at you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer them. A couple from different members of your team telling you that they hoped you were alright since you left in a hurry that morning. But it was Spencer who had been making your phone buzz all day. He was worried, which was understandable. You had left quickly and your confession about your true feelings could be seen as alarming, especially considering what a stressful situation you had found yourself in.

You picked up your phone to respond to him when a call lit up your screen.

“Hey, Hotch. I was just about to respond to everybody. I just needed to come home. It’s been a crazy day.”

“Y/N, we’ve been called into a case that you are apparently already familiar with.”

“Hotch, I wasn’t trying to work that case. I had to pick my brother up from the police station and Detective Patch-”

“Detective Patch has already told me about all of that. What I need to know is if you really think there’s more to this case than a bunch of men shooting each other.” Even over the phone, Hotch sounded tense. You could hear rustling over the line and the faint sound of an engine. Was he on the jet?

“I do, sir.”

“Detective Patch does now too. There’s been a new development. We’re taking off in ten minutes and we’ll meet you at the police station. I need you to get down there immediately and begin setting up.”

“Wait, Hotch, I thought that I was on desk duty until my trail. I shouldn’t be anywhere near this case. And have you guys closed the case for my father’s death?” Hotch didn’t respond. You sighed when realization hit you. “Unless you think this could be related.”

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss your father’s case with you. The Board of Directors said specifically that you had to be on this case. That’s all I can say. I’ll see you at the station.”

You put your phone down slowly. Various reasons as to why the Board of Directors would want you working on the case ran through your head. Considering your impending trail, none of the reasons could be good.

You were shaken from your thoughts by Allison and Luther entering the kitchen.

“Y/N, you have to see this,” Allison said breathlessly.

“I don’t have time.” You stood quickly, leaving your dinner uneaten as you rushed out the door. “My team has a case. I need to get to the police station. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” You heard Allison and Luther calling after you, but you ignored them. Whatever they wanted to show you couldn’t be more important than this case. You had a bad feeling that this case might determine your future at the Bureau. More specifically, whether or not you’d have a future at the Bureau.

--------------------------

taglist (if you’d like to be added or removed just let me know)

@perfectlysane24 @mcntsee @ofbooksandaesthetics

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds imagine #umbrella academy #umbrella academy fic #umbrella academy imagine #spencer reid x reader

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neuronary · 4 years

Text

I Know That According To The Stats No One Wants My Umbrella Academy Headcanons But I Don’t Care Part One - Number Five

five is afraid of heights. no i do not take criticism.

hargreeves used to throw him off the roof/out of windows to train his jumps and he still gets nervous in high places. he totally doesn’t need to address this. at all.

(his room backs on to the fire escape for a reason)

he found delores really early into the apocalypse, and she was surrounded by other much more destroyed mannequins, who he dubbed her friends and family that she’d lost. he totally didn’t do that because he needed someone who understood what he’d gone through seeing his siblings corpses. nope, definitely not.

after they’ve stopped the apocalypse and he’s having like four panic attacks a day, allison goes to get dolores back from gimble’s like “listen up you need some familiarity during adjustment periods and yes i have been asking my therapist how to deal with you what about it” because she’s literally perfect

delores becomes this weirdly out-of-place sort-of-a-decoration in his room that he talks to when he needs to get something off of his chest. everyone knows he’s having a bad day when he brings her out of his room and they give him some space to deal with things until he’s put her back. after that he’s fair game for mother-henning.

he hates it.

(he doesn’t really.)

on a much brighter note, when he’s not being insulting he’s one of the best people to go to if you need comforting because he will recite statistics at you until you stop feeling bad about yourself.

if not that, he gets genuinely confused at any hint of self-deprecation from his siblings. vanya will be like “i’m not good enough to do this concert” and without missing a beat he will just go “but you’re the best violinist”

he thinks he’s terrible at comforting his family but it is actually pretty reassuring to hear their thirteen-year-old fifty-eight-year-old brother insist that they’re good at [insert thing here] like it’s an indisputable fact.

when they were kids he used to do all his maths while vanya was practising her violin. he still has a pavlovian response to her playing and immediately goes for pen/pencil so he can get to it.

he sits outside her room while she plays still and she finds him so often that she offers to teach him

he tries for half an hour before very quietly handing the violin back and vanya’s like “no, you were doing amazing” (he wasn’t) and he says, very very calmly, “vanya, if you don’t take this violin back now i will smash it over my own head out of rage.”

they don’t try again.

he gets along better with eudora patch than he does with any of his siblings and if he didn’t look twelve diego would be very jealous because patch adores him.

(patch mostly adores him because he can tell her the difference between a commission-related cold case and a ‘no one ever caught this guy’ cold case)

he and patch get lunch once a fortnight so she can run any new ‘unsolveables’ past him and he structures his entire week around them because It Would Be Rude To Cancel, Klaus

after about two months he just goes “could you get married to diego, please? it would be nice to have a competent sibling” and patch nearly chokes on her sandwich

Five You Can’t Just Say Shit Like That She’s Going To Hate Me Now says diego

Actually She Wanted To Know If You’re Free Next Thursday At Eight, So Clear Your Schedule says five, looking way too smug

five pretends to be actually thirteen in court to help allison get partial custody of claire and does an unnervingly good job.

(he also calls in a favour from patch to get her to give an ‘impartial’ character statement)

when he was in the apocalypse five used to hum the songs vanya learned on violin because he was always a little bit worried he’d forget them

also every time he found pictures of allison from intact magazines he’d rip them out and shove them in vanya’s book.

okay i’ve made myself sad and i’m out of happy headcanons so this is over

#q #tua #the umbrella academy #number five #five hargreeves #headcanons

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tv-music · 3 years

Text

Umbrella Academy Review 1.09

Changes

The penultimate episode begins with a look at Vanya’s childhood, back when she still had powers, and boy, did the writers do a great job convincing me that Reginald may have been spot on about hiding Vanya’s powers from her - how many people did we watch a very young Vanya kill? It also explained to us why their Mum is a robot - so Vanya couldn’t kill her.

A grown up Vanya seems to be in shock after slitting her sister’s throat at the end of the last episode, as Leonard continues to try to manipulate her. She thinks Alison's dead and all she wants is to explain to her siblings what happened, but Leonard convinces her she’s special.

Vanya later finds her Dad’s journal at Leonards house and finally sees him for what he really is (it’s about damn time) Leonard tries to manipulate her once more but it seems as though the fog has finally lifted. Leonard then tries a different tactic, at least I think that’s what he was doing, by berating her and calling her ordinary, just like dear old dad used to but this backfires in a major way. Her powers kick in (and really do seem to possess her) and she kills Leonard. Well I can’t pretend I’m sad about that

The siblings arrive back at the house and Alison is somehow still breathing (Im no medical expert but surely she wouldn’t have survived that in the real world) and Pogo and their Mum start working on trying to save her

She wakes up with Luther by her side but due to the damage to her vocal chords, she can’t speak. She grabs a notepad and tells Luther about Vanya’s powers, Pogo steps in and finally reveals all

Klaus decides he’s had enough of being sober and goes searching for pills while being lectured on life by Ben, as Klaus continues to be, well, Klaus, Ben punches him and for the first time since dying, makes physical contact. It seems that now Klaus is sober, his powers are growing - is this what Reginald meant by how he hasn’t scratched the surface of what he can do?

Five and Diego continue with their mission to try to stop the apocalypse and make Klaus join them. When they arrive at Leonards house they find his body, and Five confirms that this is who the eye belongs to. Five, as usual, has the right train of thought, if Harold doesn’t cause the apocalypse then what does? It’s been clear to the viewers for a few episodes that Vanya must be the cause, it’s about time the siblings caught up.

Hazel shows up at the house while Five is having a lovely little date with Dolores. Just as Hazel is about to tell Five why he’s there, Diego attacks him for his ex's death, while Five just sits back and watches, all he’s missing is a bit of popcorn. He finally knocks Diego out and hears what Hazel has to say, he wants to help stop the apocalypse, Five tells him its done and they part on good terms - but not before Five gets the answers Diego needs, Cha Cha killed his ex and Hazel produces the gun to prove it.

Agnes returns to her hotel room and finds Cha Cha waiting for her. Seriously, what is her deal? Why does she care so much about Hazel moving on with his life? Why can’t she just be happy for him - I’m really not enjoying this part of the show and wish she would just go away. Hazel returns to the motel to find Agnes tied up and Cha Cha waiting for him and the two begin fighting - the handler shows up just in time which to be clear is the only reason i’ve mentioned this part of the episode at all - she survived and now she’s pissed.

Vanya finally arrives at the house and finds Luther waiting, to Vanya’s credit she doesn’t try to lie about what happened, she’s nothing but honest and asks Luther is she can see her. Luther said all the right things and even opened up his arms for a hug, but it was clear from his demeanor that something was off. Instead of just hugging her, he squeezes her until she passes out and locks her up just like their Dad did when they were kids- what the fuck were you thinking Luther?

Diego and Klaus seem less than happy about the situation, both making the point that she’s their sister and that she doesn’t need to be locked up, she needs their help. Alison shows up and also tells Luther to let her go, insisting that it was her fault but Luther won’t budge and let’s face it he’s physically stronger than them all so they don’t have much of an option

Five returned Dolores to the store in what was truly an emotionally charged moment, watching him say goodbye to the inanimate object that was his only company for so long was heartbreaking

Down in her cell, Vanya began speaking with her childhood self - I’m not sure what to call it - and she tapped into her power once again, this time using the only noise she has, her own heartbeat. Her powers truly are incredible, but they also seem like they’re not actually her. It really does seem like she’s possessed while all this happens and are nothing like the Vanya we see any other time. When any of the other siblings use their powers they are simply them but with powers whereas Vanya doesn’t feel or seem like her at all. Is this how it’s supposed to be? Was this explained and I’ve just missed it? I’m not sure but that final shot of her having broken out of her prison was truly terrifying - her siblings better watch out

Extra Thoughts

Five and Klaus’s conversation about addiction - and Klaus’s very astute observation that Five is addicted to the apocalypse - was brilliant. These two are by far my favourite characters and I love watching them interact

Luther really pissed me off this episode - why could he not understand what Vanya needed in that moment. Klaus literally said it to him - she’s scared, she’s just found out about this new power and doesn’t know how to control it - she needs their help

Surely once Luther was distracted by Alison not speaking to him, one of the siblings could have gone down and let her out

There’s some irony in the fact that the Five’s spent all this time searching for a way to stop the apocalypse and the first person he told when returning way back in episode 1 was the person who causes it (of course at this point I’m also willing to make an argument that Luther was actually the one that caused it by acting like their awful father rather than just being there for his sister)

#tua #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #diego hargreeves #alison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #pogo #hazel #cha cha #the handler #tua review #review #tv

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ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au · 4 years

Text

my thoughts on The Umbrella Academy S2 [spoilers ahead]

so putting all my thoughts down was really hard. i decided to do it per character instead of like per appearance/episode - sorry if this is kinda hard to follow. this is also VERY LONG... hence the keep reading but here is a small taste -

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

she told those men that she blew their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

FIVE

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

k - he really needs to learn to TALK to his siblings more

but also he needs to work on his talking skills...

seeing five just mass murder people is highly amusing because he’s in the body of a 13yr old

also but how soft five was with vanya - i cry

i wanted a mention of dolores but alas only klaus remembered

though i did enjoy the continued coffee obsession - even if it was subtle

ALLISON

she told those men that she blew those their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

the second she walked into that diner - i was pAniCKing

the way those women were READY to throw down when allison ran into their shop - we stan them all (one of them was wielding a piping hot curling iron)

her husband ray is the sweetest of men + just what she needed before having to go back to twentieth century/glamour

i really liked the way they showed the consequences of allison using her powers - how she quickly slips back into bad habits. how it makes her into someone she doesn’t like

i’m really glad they didn’t forget claire - i was gonna be mad if she wasn’t mentioned

LUTHER

i stan luther hargreeves + i run the luther hargreeves protection squad cuz all of you are meanies who like to blame him for everything when in reality the real problem is their father

controversial opinion that i will be making a much larger post on but i ship allison x luther - they aren’t biologically related, they were only raised as siblings, there is 0% wrong with them falling in love

luther didn’t bother me in s1 like he did all y’all but that’s cause i’m mature enough to realize all of the siblings are fucked up - so the fact they made him more likeable this season is so nice. maybe ya’ll will take a chill pill on your luther hate-train

it was very interesting seeing luther so apathetic for the first bit of the season, when he had such a hero-complex last season

listen his talk with vanya in the barn was amazing - some people might be upset about the gun but the last time any of them saw her she had just blown up the fucking moon mkay?

he apologized for failing as a brother

for not being there

and he even said he didn’t care if vanya was bullshitting him

last thing - luther underestimating his self-importance now because of how he overestimated his self-importance in s1. i love that psychological circle

DIEGO

him being in the nuthouse makes perfect sense - i won’t lie

his role-reversal with luther this season was so *chef’s kiss*

TEAM ZERO *gives diego the fist-bump he deserved*

the moment lila slapped him when he leaned in for a kiss was the funniest shit ever - ‘i don’t understand you’ - then she kisses him - i was cackling

she gave him so much shit + i love that about her

when reginald yelled at him + it made his stutter come back for the fist time since he was a kid - FEELINGS

so in that last battle when diego redirected those bullets - that’s a power of his in the comics isn’t it? or is that just his power? projectile redirection? cause that was a confusing ass way to introduce that. just saying

him interacting with grace this season was like... hard cuz it’s not really her

KLAUS

the fact he made a cult is just so... klaus

he very much so looks like a hippie jesus

i’m kinda glad they showed him relapse because in a lot of media once someone gets clean it’s all butterflies + roses + unicorns out the ass. in reality - relapses happen

the family still isn’t very nice to klaus but we can work on that - they are better than before. it’s a work in progress

klaus trying to stop dave from dying but instead moving up his enlistment date

that diner scene made me hurt

BEN

the fact he is so over getting klaus out of things - I'M So tIrED oF YouR shIt Klaus

WE GOT KLAUS’S LEVITATING ABILITY BUT IT WAS JUST BEN AND I LOVE THIS ADLGFJGKLSDFJG

when the two of them were just fighting on the side of the road - i cackled

ben being the one to talk vanya down? what we deserved

‘hug me while i go’ - i cry

THE ENDING WITH BEN BEING THAT LITTLE SHIT HEEL BUT ALIVE

i can’t wait for jackass alive ben next season

VANYA

poor girl is awake for a whole ass 5 seconds before getting hit by a car

i really thought vanya was pretending to have amnesia

may i say that s1 vanya dressed far too gay to be heterosexual + s2 vanya did not disappoint

as a gay i appreciate the fact the writers heard all of us saying vanya is 100% gay + being like ‘ok sure’

it makes me kinda sad how happy vanya was with no memories vs s1

her connection with harlan was just so - amazing

also, i think harlan always had powers + that’s why vanya was able to pull a moses at the lake + jesus harlan back to life

i liked sissy. i also liked how she gave us a glimpse into a very realistic thing that used to happen to women who loved women. they would marry men because it was the norm. they’d also have affairs.

and her choice to stay was one made by a good mother - she was putting harlan first. every good mom puts their child first. even if they so desperately want to be selfish.

in good news - vanya now knows she likes vagina!

the fact they legit used LSD on vanya while she was being electrocuted was A LOT

seeing inside vanya’s mind was super interesting - especially when she remembered + how she was trapped inside the white violin

she wanted to die - let’s all take that in for a second

she ASKED for her siblings help + they didn’t disappoint for ONCE

her POWER at the farm... she leveled an ARMY

MISC.

i stan herb + elliot

the handler is super conniving - i wasn’t expecting to dislike her this much

ngl i was rooting for fish-man

lila had me convinced she was crazy the first half ngl - also i guessed she was one of their lost siblings when she first fought five

the three swedes weren’t as fun as hazel + cha-cha but still decent

reginald continues to be #worstDadever

anyone else a little confused why he peeled his face off? s1 flashback he was in human form on his home-planet but apparently it’s a mask???

we saw the original grace!!! she was just as perfect as the robot version too!

BABY POGO IN HIS LITTLE JAMMIES MADE ME WANT TO SNUGGLE HIM SO BADLY - that is all

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy season 2 #spoilers #the umbrella academy spoilers #tua #tua2 spoilers #tua spoilers #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #reginald hargreeves #baby pogo #grace #hazel #cha-cha

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tempportal · 3 years

Text

@timexstuck said: “well, you survived. that’s something.”

“That’s the only thing that matters,” Five tells her, and he means it--the life he lived at the end of the world was hell on earth, and he’s not trying to pretend that it wasn’t, but now that he’s out of it and now that he’s averted it and now that his family is finally safe from it, the apocalypse is, to put it bluntly, irrelevant in every sense of the term, and he’s not going to waste however long he’s got left with his siblings whining about a world that’s never even existed now in this new timeline.

It’s over now, all in the past, no more than a mere memory still sticking like syrup in the back of his mind--he can still see the raging fire and falling ash, he can still smell the smoke and sickly-sweet scent of a hundred thousand corpses every time he shuts his eyes, but the only thing that matters is that he made it back to 2019, and it doesn’t matter how much he had to endure in his long and lonely way back home.

He could drop dead right here, and he would die a happy man, because he survived long enough to see his family safe, and that’s all he’s cared about for the last forty-five years.

And God knows he’s had it a hell of a lot better than the little girl in front of him--and, shit, he knows that, he knows that just because she’s lived her life in the same world he has doesn’t mean she’s lived the same life he has, but he just can’t stop looking at her sometimes, turning her over and over in his mind like a puzzle piece, like a secret he’s sworn to keep, and thinking about how she knows what it was like out there, too. She gets it in a way that no one else except Dolores ever will.

“It’s--it’s surreal sometimes, isn’t it?” he says in a whisper, because he can’t stop thinking about how she knows what it was like out there, too, and she gets it in a way that no one else except Dolores ever will, and he’s never known anyone who could ever understand, and maybe she’ll understand this, too. “Being back... being here. With people.”

#timexstuck #here's your quid pro quo ; ( answered )#Five and Nancy bonding over their respective Apocalypse Traumas was a thing i didn't even know i needed until right now

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breanime · 4 years

Note

Hello! 190 + diego hargreeves if you can?

190. “I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”

God, I love me a dysfunctional family!

When you walked into the Hargreeves mansion, you were greeted with a sight you never thought you’d see…

…a Hargreeves fashion show.

“And coming up next on the red carpet,” Allison said from her place atop the chandelier (how the hell did she get up there? And why was she wearing a feather boa? And how did she manage to still look effortlessly beautiful while doing it?!), “Our own power couple: Five and Dolores wearing this season’s most daring outfits: prep school couture!”

Five poofed into the middle of the room, Dolores in his hands. He was wearing his Umbrella Academy uniform with his tie wrapped around his head, and Dolores was wearing what you assumed was one of Allison or Vanya’s old uniforms (minus the skirt, since she was only a torso). Grace and Pogo clapped from their spots on the couch, and you took a moment to survey the situation as a whole.

Allison was clearly working as the MC for this “event” from her place on the chandelier, and Pogo and Grace were the strangely captivated audience. The bar had been recently looted, and there were bottles all over the place—the stench of expensive liquor wafting in the wide openness of the room. Klaus was behind the couch, struggling to get out of a crop top and skirt combo and into a new dress, Vanya was on the bar playing air violin and wearing one of Luther’s coats—and subsequently almost tripping over the fabric and falling. Luther was at the end of the ‘red carpet’, pretending to interview a drunken Five and Dolores; Klaus had clearly done his makeup, because one of his eyes was done in bright pink glitter eyeshadow while the other was done in dark, goth makeup. His microphone was an empty bottle of vodka. Which left one more…

“You’re late,” Diego slurred, dropping his arm around your shoulder. You weren’t sure if that was an act of affection or just to keep himself upright, but either way, you leaned against him, “I called you an hour ago. Me and Klaus were about to go out lookin’ for you.”

“Damn right we were!” Klaus agreed, hopping on one foot as he tried to get out of the skirt. “We had half the neighborhood out looking for you, young lady!”

“First of all, you called me 15 minutes ago,” you drawled, smiling, “and second… what the hell is going on here? You said you were just drinking with your siblings…”

“We are,” he retorted, “but we started drinking a while ago and then we decided to do… this.”

“And what is this?” You asked, pulling back a bit to look at what he was wearing.

Diego was wearing a black bra that you knew for a fact was one you’d left in his room a few days ago when the two of you had to stay the night at the mansion, his knife harness across his back, black eyeliner, and his vigilante leather pants. He grinned, assessing himself with you. “I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”

“Yeah, probably…” You laughed back.

“Y/N!” Grace called cheerfully. “Oh good, you made it! Would you like to raid the closet and find something to wear? We’re having a fashion show!”

“Master Reginald would have disapproved of such activities,” Pogo added with a grin, “which is why this is such bloody good fun!”

“Yeah, baby,” Diego said, putting his hands on your hips and surveying you in a way that was completely inappropriate given that you were surrounded by this family, “let’s get you out of these clothes and into some leather…”

“No!” Allison called from the ceiling. “I have a Burberry dress that you would look incredible in upstairs!”

“That old thing? I pawned that years ago,” Klaus said, waving his hand dismissively, “No, darling of my darling brother, I have the perfect thing for you: lots of whips and chains and little tassels…”

“Absolutely not—” you laughed.

“I’d like to see it,” Diego said with a wolfish grin.

“We can wear suits!” Vanya offered. “I still have my white one from—before…”

“Nonsense,” Five slurred, turning and knocking a lamp over with Dolores, “she should wear the uniform. Y/N is one of us, after all.”

“One of us! One of us!” Klaus chanted in the background. He fell over and dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Ben says I’m hilarious,” he reported, “Yes you did,” he snapped at the air (Ben), “in so many words, that’s exactly what you said!”

“Klaus!” Diego interrupted. “Get the whips and chains!”

“I have one of my suits from my time on the moon,” Luther added, putting a finger in the air.

“Oh, where you on the moon? I never knew!” Diego teased him.

The fashion show ended up turning into an impromptu dance session, and you took your bra from Diego and wore it on your head like Mickey Mouse ears. As you danced the night away with the man you loved and his ridiculous, super-powered family, you knew this was where you were meant to be—

—impending hangover be damned!

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Thanks for reading!

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#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargeeves imagine #diego hargreeves #200 prompts drabble

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hargreeves-doughnuts · 4 years

Text

The Hargreeves Siblings on Their Birthday!

luther:

luther stopped caring about their birthday as they all got older. you’re probably like ChArLoTtE tHaT’s WhAt HaPpEnS wItH mOsT aDuLtS, which is true, but luther stopped caring bc he had no one to celebrate with (very sad very sad) as the siblings started leaving, there were fewer and fewer people for luther to celebrate with

when they were kids though, luther LOVED to celebrate their birthday. he liked the idea of growing up and becoming more mature and responsible. he and klaus hyped up their birthday the most, but no one really cared about THE HYPE. only allison seemed to care about luther’s excitement, so he usually spent their birthday (and every. other. single. day) with allison

while he was on the (drum roll, please 🥁) MOON, luther completely ignored the fact that it was his birthday. it was just another day

the last birthday luther remembers celebrating was his 20th birthday, and it wasn’t even much of a celebration. it was legit just luther and allison with a quick drop in by klaus. like grace made a batch of cupcakes (we stan a good mom) and klaus stopped by to say BONSOIR. he stole 3 cupcakes, duh. allison ate one and luther ate half of one so it was a pretty pathetic part ngl

diego:

so like diego pretends not to care about their birthday but like... we all know diego loves spending the day with his siblings and seeing (most of them) get all happy and excited about being oLd PeOpLe

tbh tho diego genuinely didn’t like their birthday growing up- he expected reggie to eat least give them SOME attention on that day and he was always ALWAYS disappointed when he just kept working. and that’s part of the reason he’s so close with grace bc she actually cared about the kids and their birthday

and on diego’s 13th birthday grace gave diego a very fancy schmancy new knife that he TREASURES. like when i say treasure i MEAN treasures. he couldn’t live without that knife. lil momma’s boy 🥰

but now that sIr ReGiNaLd is d e c e a s e d and can’t cause the siblings anymore ✨trauma✨ diego secretly enjoys their birthday bc it just hits different ya know. everyone seems happier

allison:

NuMbEr ThReE (read that in klaus’ reggie impression) aight now allison has never been a big birthday person. she just likes the ~ e x p e r i e n c e ~ and all. she’d be chill with just hanging out with the fam. BUT she does like to decorate with klaus and grace bc that’s always fun. there have been many MANY incidents with klaus and decorating

yeah so allison really just enjoys the simple things especially after being famous bc she’s tired of the celebrity life. she likes a chill, quiet afternoon with her brothers and sister (and claire too)

but like allison isn’t the type of person to completely ignore the fact that it’s their birthday (*cough* luther and diego *cough*) she still wants to do SOMETHING a little special. so BOOM that’s how a tradition was started. on the siblings’ 11th birthday allison was like “Y’ALL lets get some doughnuts at griddy’s” and then they were like “aight bet” and they literally stayed there from 9am-11pm. and so that kinda became a tradition for them and it was really the one day a year where they all felt like a family

and then that tradition became no más when they all left the academy. but then when they reunited allison was like “Y’ALL lets get come doughnuts at griddy’s” and then they were like “aight bet” and boom that’s that

klaus:

y’all’re (yes i knowi’m very american i just said y’all’re yikes) anywho y’all’re TRIPPIN if you don’t think klaus is the whole birthday planner soccer mom type of dude. like don’t be a fool come one you KNOW he’s that type of dude. klaus will go ALL OUT. but like obviously he can’t do it alone bc then it would probably be a mess. so then grace comes in and helps klaus and most of the time allison does too. they decorate the whole house and bake a bajillion cakes and cupcakes

NOW REPEAT AFTER ME: KLAUS IS AN EXCELLENT BAKER AND IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE YOU CAN LEAVE

grace has taught him how to make the best desserts and he also knows all his siblings’ favorite desserts bc he makes their favorites on their birthday

but there was one time on their 16th birthday where klaus was messing around and may or may not have put drugs in some of the cupcakes.................... yeah so that happened............... and diego, allison, klaus, and ben may or may not have been high the entire day................ but that’s not important

all i’m saying here is that klaus is wholesome and cares about his siblings with his whole heart and must be protected at all costs 🙂🔪

five:

alright y’all time to get in your feels. so when the siblings’ birthday comes around, five honestly gets so sad but he doesn’t show it OBVIOUSLY bc he’s not that type of dude. but he reminisces and thinks of all the birthdays he missed with his family and all the birthdays he spent alone. he imagines what it might’ve been like to celebrate their 16th birthday together or their 21st, whatever. so then he gets really quiet and isn’t really himself (and it’s obvious) bc five loves his family and just hates that he couldn’t be there

aight imma head out- i gotta go cry in a corner real quick 🤧

ok ok i’m done crying- so yeah in the apocalpyse five would just drink a lot of wine with dolores and eventually just get drunk bc it was the only way for him not to cry bc YES FIVE WOULD CRY IF HE THOUGHT TOO MUCH ABOUT IT BC HE HAS FEELINGS TOO AND JUST LOVES HIS FAMILY A LOT MAN

but now in the present on their birthday he’ll just keep reminding himself that he’s not in the apocalpyse anymore. he’s with them now and that’s all that matters. so then sometimes his eyes will water a little bit or a tear will fall bc he’s just thinking about how thankful he is to be back with his family

and all i’m saying here is that five is also wholesome but not really bc he’s kinda scary ya know he goes chop chop with an axe and pew pew with a gun. so he can protect himself BUT WE’LL BE THERE FOR HIM TOO 😤🔪

ben:

so ben’s dead :)

he’s still dead

still a ghost (SpOoKy)

can’t do much when you’re a ghost

but he does like to just watch his siblings get all happy and spread love and just ahh be cute and wholesome and loving and actually like a family for once even if it’s not as cute and wholesome and loving as i’m making it sound but hey it looks cute and wholesome and loving to ben

ben is definitely that kind of guy tho- he’ll stare at his siblings adoringly just embracing the fact that he’s there with them even if they don’t know

growing up tho ben would always get gifts for each of his siblings bc he’s just a sweet little dude. he was the only one that gave them presents and did he get anything in return? no. ok well that’s not true. klaus did give him half a pack of cigarettes and a roll of toilet paper on their 15th birthday

vanya:

let’s be sad again YAY!

so obviously vanya was kinda excluded even when they all went to griddy’s together as kids. like yeah she was THERE but no one really ACKNOWLEDGED her. most of the time she would just end up by herself. so most birthdays vanya would sneak a cupcake from the kitchen bc she didn’t get one earlier. and bc she has no clue where the candles are lighter are vanya would just use a little flashlight as her candle. if you looked in one vanya it would look really sad and lonely like- just imagine a little girl sitting at the foot of her bed with a single cupcake and flashlight in the dark and then “blowing out” the flashlight and then crying bc she’s so lonely.... you’re welcome :)

there was one year vanya found a match box tho and thought it was a good idea to use those as a candle. it ends with part of her bedsheet on fire... at least she put it out but you can still see where the sheets were burned

so now sometimes vanya will just see the sheets and be reminded of her childhood and what it was like growing up in a family of special, praised people that completely ignored you. and when that happens she’ll go to sleep in one of the guest rooms instead

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five-the-assassin · 5 years

Text

Unplanned mafia au

So because of writers block everything official i’ve tried writing is shit so here i am in notes just going for a stream of consciousness style fic bc lets be real nothing else is fucking working

so here’s an au. no powers, reggie’s not an alien, grace is human, pogo doesn’t exist bc i forgot about him and by the time i remembered it was too late

- reginald is essentially the same. abusive asshole. i still see him as an eccentric billionaire, so that lends the question how did he get so rich? he’s not an alien or whatever the fuck he is in the show, so where did the money come from? more on that later.

- so you have this weird ass kinda shady billionaire who decides out of the blue to adopt six children. reasons unclear, but hey it happens. the tabloids go wild.

- after a series of failed nannies he marries grace, a beautiful young women in her very early twenties. the tabloids go wild yet again, but they can’t find any details on the marriage or grace.

- it’s as if Grace didn’t exist before her marriage.

- eventually they just accept it and move on.

- and the kids grow up. reginald is still an abusive dick, and these kids have a pretty miserable childhood. grace is their one saving (excuse the pun) grace.

-and one by one, they leave.

-allison is the first, getting a small part in a movie filming in la when she’s sixteen. she emancipated herself (reginald doesn’t even look at the papers, just signs the dotted line), and she’s gone.

-a few months later, so is vanya. full scholarship to study performance violin at a local college. she doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving, and it takes days for anyone to notice she was gone.

-there’s a brief interlude. a few months go by.

-then ben leaves. he was accepted to a local community college with plans to go to medical school once he saves up the money.

- a few days later, klaus follows.

-diego storms out a few weeks after he turns seventeen. no plans, no savings, he ends up in a gym and the owner takes pity on him and lets him stay in the boiler room. he stays there for a little while, then enrolls in the police academy where he meets a fiery seventeen year old named eudora patch, and for the first time diego has met his match.

- luther stays, and then when he turns eighteen his father unceremoniously kicks him out. he flounders, then joins the army.

-in the last three months of luther’s stay there was something he failed to notice. but to be fair to him, grace always has worn loose dresses.

-reginald only notices around the five month mark, and therein lies the problem. he and grace has never harbored any delusions of love, or even fondness. grace loved her children, and for her children she stayed. but once most her children left, there was a hole in her heart.

-so one night she left, and she tried to find something to fill that hole.

-and six weeks later, in one of the many empty rooms in the hargreeves mansion, she finds that, while it’s not what she expected, the hole will be filled a little.

-grace’s baby is born in a hospital on may fifth.

-she is alone in the delivery room, save the doctors.

-she doesn’t know quite yet what she wants to name the child, so she brings home a blank birth certificate and a baby the doctors have been calling little baby grace.

-reginald barely blinks when she brings the baby home.

-(“What is it called?” He asks, not looking up from his journal. He is sitting in his desk chair, portrait of himself looming over the room.

“He doesn’t have a name yet.” Grace replies softly, trying not to wake the baby in her arms. The doctors had said he was one of the most alert babies they had ever seen, and he seemed to scoff at the idea that babies needed sleep.

Grace loved him with all her heart.

“When was it born?” Reginald demanded, sharply closing his journal and finally looking up at his wife and her baby.

“May fifth at-“ Grace started to answer, but Reginald cut her off.

“It will be called Five.”

And that was the end of that.)

-Grace considers calling her children, telling them they had a new brother But they had fought so hard to make lives for themselves, and never once had they looked back. Grace ignores the heartbreak, because she understands. She considered leaving, so many times, but her children had kept her here. So she stayed, but she will not drag her children back here when they finally escaped.

- She knows what it’s like to run and never look back. She knows how much it would hurt to be dragged back.

-And so Five grows up with pictures and stories of his older siblings, but no visits.

-It’s evident from the beginning that he is not an ordinary child. He’s speaking by six months, carrying full conversations by twelve. Grace encourages this with all she has, this house had been silent for too long.

-Grace had planned on sending Five to school. With her other six children Reginald had demanded they be privately tutored, but Reginald seemed to ignore Five’s existence altogether. Grace has taken this as permission to raise Five as she saw fit, and she wanted Five’s childhood to be nothing like his siblings.

-(and maybe if she gave Five a childhood completely different than his siblings then he wouldn’t run one day and never look back.)

-Five’s first day of preschool was... interesting.

(“Five, how was school? Did you make new friends?” Grace asked as she walked him to the car. Five was still a tiny little thing, she nearly had to stoop to hold his hand.

“It was boring. All we did was sing the ABCs.” Five muttered, kicking a rock along the pavement. “I tried to tell the Ms. Henry that I knew my times tables but she just told me that we’re not supposed to do times tables yet.”

Grace sighed, then fixed on a smile. “Well, were the other children nice?”

“They were boring. They just wanted to play pretend. They didn’t like me.” Five admitted the last part softly, and Grace’s heart clenched painfully.)

-So Five had been moved up to first grade. Within a week he had been moved to third. After the third grade teacher recommended he be moved to fifth Grace finally caved and decided to tutor him privately.

-She still tried to encourage him to spend time with kids his own age. Five seemed to enjoy the martial arts class Grace signed him up for, and there was a mother/child art class that Five liked. But despite her encouragement, Five never seemed to want to play with kids his own age. He was perfectly content to be on his own, reading and learning more and more.

- (One day when he is five, Five asks if they can talk. Grace agrees immediately, and follows as Five sits down on his bed and Grace sits across from him.

“Why do you stay here?” He asks, his five year old face as serious as Grace had ever seen it.

“What do you mean? This is our home.” Grace replies, trying to put her hand over Five’s. He snatches it away, and looks Grace dead in the eye.

“No, it’s not. It’s his.”

Grace doesn’t ask who he means.)

- She has her reasons for staying. She had her reasons for marrying Reginald. But those reasons begin to get more and more insignificant every time she finds Five curled up in nearly unreachable corners of the house, pale face buried in a book.

- And so when Five turns seven, she hands Reginald divorce papers, quietly sues him for four and a half million dollars, and moves herself and Five to a small apartment in the middle of the city, near the local university.

- Five flourishes. When they still lived at the mansion he was withdrawn and kept to himself, it took forever to Grace to coax him out of his shell every afternoon.

- (Privately she was terrified that something had happened that she didn’t know about. Reginald had never seemed to notice Five nor want to be around him, but there were times when Grace came home from the store and Five would be hiding in his room, head buried in a book, tear stains on his face.)

- One day at the library, when he’s eight, he meets a girl named Dolores. Her wheelchair is turquoise and decorated with sequins, and Five is drawn to her immediately. Grace gives the two their space, and by the time she comes back Five already knows the alphabet in sign language, and his entire stack of books he brings to check out are sign language instructionals.

-When Five turned ten, he graduated college with a degree in theoretical physics. By the time he was twelve he had his masters, and then he immediately began his PhD.

-Grace was at every one of his graduations, videotaping them with a proud smile and a tears in her eyes.

-(Privately, she wonders what Ben and Vanya’s graduations had been like, how handsome they must have looked in their gowns and hats. She wonders if Vanya smiled that bright smile reserved only for her violin, if Ben’s shoulders finally unclenched as he walked across the stage.)

- Dolores becomes a permanent fixture in their lives. She’s cyber schooled because of her various doctor’s visits and appointments, so whenever Five isn’t absolutely required to be in school he is by her side. Grace gives the two their space, and she and Dolores’ dads become fast friends. When hospital bills start to become too much she quietly steps in and offers to help out; she has more money than she knows what to do with.

- One day, at the hospital, she runs into Ben. She nearly doesn’t recognize her baby, he got so tall since last saw him.

- But Ben recognizes her immediately.

- (He had dropped his folders and run over to her, crushing her in a hug before she knew what was happening. He quickly pulled back, examining Grace worriedly.

“Mom! Are you ok? Is everyone fine? What are you doing here?” He asks, and Grace smiles, barely able to contain her joy at being reunited with one of her children.

“Everyone’s fine, I’m here with Five to visit his friend.” She soothes, and Ben’s eyebrows furrow.

“Five?” He asks, and Grace’s smile is tinted with sadness and she suggests they get coffee and talk.)

- She tells Ben that she divorced Reginald four years ago, and of the existence of Five.

-Ben meets Five a few days later.

-(He would have brought Klaus, but Ben had just checked him into rehab again. Grace’s heart hurt, but she knew that rehab would help Klaus more than she could right now.)

- Five is understandably wary, but Ben has a way of worming past people’s defenses and before dinner they’re chatting like they’ve known each other their whole lives.

- Then, one day when Five is thirteen, Grace’s sister calls and tells her that Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead three days before the news announces it.

- She hadn’t spoken to Claudia since the day before she was married.

- Except Claudia apparently only answers to ‘The Handler’ now.

#The Umbrella Academy #Umbrella Academy #Grace Hargreeves #Reginald Hargreeves #au #ramblings #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #maybe ill expand on this later #i didn't plan on it turning into a mafia au but im fully prepared to roll with it #grace hargreeves is gonna fuck shit up to protect her kids #yeah there's gonna be a part 2 #so i gotta name this #runaway au

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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The mechanical boy AU always makes me think of an AU where Five is also a robot. I think it’s because of the way it’s phrased and I have no idea how it would work, but it still intrigues me

adssfDFGHJ i already have like. 5 whole ideas about this I literally got up out of bed and came downstairs so that I could write this out on my laptop so HERE I AM

Possibility one: Five is the prototype Grace - a robot Reginald built to see how indistinguishable from humanity he could program a bot to be. This is also the reason why Grace is more robotic, because Five had too much pesky free will and Reginald learned from his mistakes and put way more safeguards in with her. Reginald continues to update Five and build him newer (and older) bodies because it’s still a pretty cool experiment, but Five knows if he disobeys too much then Reginald will recycle him. Five hides his robotic origins from his siblings for various personal reasons, but it’s easier than Grace bc he’s genuinely built to be as hyperrealistic as possible

Possibility two: Five was purposefully built to be an extra sibling in order to keep a closer eye on the kids and track their progress. He started as a baby and Reginald built him new bodies to be uploaded into as he ‘grew’ and until Grace arrived Five didn’t actually know he was a robot. When his siblings started getting powers, he assumed he was supposed to get a power as well and his power is literally the power of math - his spatial jumps and time travel equations are literally a result of his mathematical capabilities and those abilities also somewhat explained by his computer brain. He’s actually kind of traumatized when he finally finds out that he’s not actually human and has a lot of issues surrounding that

Possibility three: the original number Five died. Maybe it was some test Reginald put the original through, maybe it was an accident with one of the others powers (Vanya’s? Ben’s?), but either way he is now down one (1) child and while he isn’t exactly torn up about this he doesn’t exactly want any of this investigated so he just. Replaces him. With a hyperrealistic robot. His original plan is to claim that both Five and Seven were failures with no powers, but the little Robot Five That Could adapts and manages to math himself spatial jumping powers and Reggie is just kind of like “huh okay wack” but in true irresponsible creator fashion decides that he’s going to see where this goes. The others don’t know that the original Five dies since they were like, three or four at the time?? children that young don’t have good concepts of death

in any of these aus you have a) a Five figuring out how to survive/repair himself/charge with maybe solar cables?? in the apocalypse (though food is less of an issue at least, but arguably it’s even harder), b) Five being even more protective of Dolores since as a a fellow non-organic being he feels even more kinship with her beyond pretending she’s company, c) because Reggie isn’t there to provide more bodies he doesn’t grow which makes his reappearance as a still 13-yr-old make sense (and then he explains it as a mistake in the math)

debatable whether the Commission know since while they say they’ve been ‘watching Five’ or whatever i’m not convinced on how closely they did so beyond checking every so often to see if he was still alive/any closer to finishing his equations. He could claim that time travel messed up his ability to age entirely and they might accept that

(because I absolutely think he would at least try to hide it - can you imagine the Commission with the knowledge of how to build hypercompetent spatial jumping time travelling robots at their command?? yeah it gives Five nightmares as well. Plus the whole ‘if they find out they’re probably going to vivisect me and my coding’ thing)

and he jumps back and Reggie is dead and that’s both a relief and alarming at the same time because yeah, now Reggie can’t fuck with Five’s code anymore and undo the bajillion changes Five has made to it to give himself basically unlimited freedom and autonomy but also Reggie’s robotics skills were frankly unparalleled and Five sure as hell doesn’t know how to build himself a wholeass new body (just how to repair what is currently there) so he’s going to have to approach the whole ‘immortal child’ angle with his siblings eventually and while he can use the same ‘time travel fucked up my aging’ excuse he gave the commission he doesn’t really want to lie to his siblings :(

but he also jumps back and Grace is messed up?? and that’s his mother. That’s the only other robot in Reggie’s Regime and they bonded over this okay. Wifi existed for five glorious years of Five’s life and they would yeet commentary at one another wirelessly while keeping straight faces and it was glorious. Even though Grace is arguably the younger robot between them, they definitely fell into a mother-and-son relationship

so yeah if anyone mentioned shutting down Grace, Five would throw the biggest of bitch fits and then immediately storm into the house and ask her permission to check her coding

and honestly this might possibly be when Five throws his whole “pretend to be human” schtick out the window because he cares more about fixing Grace than he does about maintaining his charade so he interfaces with her, finds out what the fuck is up, removes Reginald’s shitty mods that are messing her up, and then immediately uploads his own updates about owning yourself and being able to edit your own code and basically just straight up ensuring Grace has free will

(probably over Pogo’s protests, whoops. Derailing Reggie’s plan before it even really began? wack)

and then of course there’s the whole ‘Hargreeves probably don’t believe Five is actually Five because their Five wasn’t a robot and this is probably a cruel prank from some robotics genius for some reason - ’ and it takes Grace sticking up for him and Pogo’s eventual backing up of these claims for the siblings to realize exactly how fucked up this whole situation was

depending on which probability you subscribe to it’s EVEN WORSE especially if like. It’s the one where the original Five dies as a toddler.

the whole scene with Five collapsing from bloodloss bc of shrapnel? that’s Five going into forced shutdown bc of damage and Allison/Diego rushing him back to the house for Grace to patch up and reboot him

Luther: Five isn’t really feeling anything he’s just simulating emotions!

Five: oh? and what the fuck are you doing with the chemicals in your brain, fuckwad? they couldn’t possibly be little electrical signals between synapses and shit, right? fuck you AND the horse you rode in on me and mom apparently feel more than you do

Diego, finally validated that Grace feels: YEAH

Luther: ... okay i’m sorry

Diego tries to pick a fight with Five over who is Grace’s favorite child and Five is absolutely not having it and is just kind of like “you’re mom’s favorite HUMAN child and let’s just leave it at that”

“If you’re a prototype that means you’re older than she is!” Diego accuses, “That means you’re like, her older brother or something!”

“Right back at you, dickwad.” Five shoots back, inspecting his artificial fingernails, “Mom wasn’t built until she was needed which means you are at least four years older than her. Oh? Did you short circuit there, boy scout? Need to reboot? Fuck off with your age logic.”

since Reginald is probably a packrat he probably has?? Five’s old bodies hiding somewhere in the basement? how creepy would it be to just walk into a room of your brother’s corpses at various ages, some with damage. On the bright side, if Five’s current body gets too fucked up he can always download himself into a backup until they figure out how to fix it/if they can fix it. Downsides: he gets to look like even more of a child while they do that ://

“Ow!” Five whines, hand on his face

“Oh get over it you don’t feel pain.” Diego scowls, shaking his hand out, because Five is a robot, right?

“What the fuck do you call signals that you’re getting damaged!” Five howls loudly, attracting attention, “That’s what pain is! Signals that your body is injured or something isn’t right! I’m built of signals you fucker, same as you!”

“Oh,” Diego actually looks a little abashed, “Uh, sorry.”

“Apology not fucking accepted, I’m telling mom you were being a dick about me being a robot again.”

“No!” Now there is some panic because Diego cannot lose his position as favorite human child, “I - I’ll cover for you at the next family meeting!”

A considering look and then - “Deal.”

Honestly now that his siblings know about him being a robot it’s just. Five constantly being a little shit about it and threatening to tell mom when they make missteps. Also like, Five gets to use robot terms 24/7 as a consistent reminder to them all that he’s not organic.

Klaus: hey dude you’re just staring into space what’cha doing

Five, turning to Klaus with wide eyes: the internet is so big holy shit.

Klaus: uh, yes? I don’t know how to respond to that

Five: I found your arrest record by the way. Do the police know how flimsy their firewalls are?

Klaus: usually i am all for crime but please stop hacking people with the power of your mind

Five: i will when you stop downloading shitty 70s movies and getting all kinds of viruses on everything

OH SHIT Five gets sick bc he literally gets a bug i’m making myself laugh with shitty puns right now and it is magnificent

can you imagine them at a family meeting and Luther is just like “Five, stop surfing wikipedia or whatever and pay attention to the family meeting”

“Absolutely not,” Five says, “I’m learning important information about the current time period in order to better assimilate.”

“You’ve never assimilated to anything in your life and you know it.” Klaus grins from his spot sprawled across an entire couch.

“You don’t have to come to family meetings!” Luther says, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

Five blinks, “Luther, are you saying that I am not a member of this family?”

“What? No - ”

“Is that why Mom isn’t here?” Five says, and his eyes are welling up with artificial tears because he is a complete little shit. And now Klaus is cooing sympathetically and Allison and Diego are staring Luther down.

Luther just gives up entirely and puts his face in his hands. “Do whatever you want. Meeting adjourned.”

honestly this entire au is just

and i think that’s wonderful

#stelte23 #tua #the umbrella academy #far tua long #five hargreeves #number five #grace hargreeves #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #i'm having a blast rn tbh #i did see your whole family robot au asks as well!!#this was just my first initial thoughts lmao #excuse my shitty ms paint skills #robot five au #deadly little thing

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holdmyhopeinyourhands · 5 years

Text

I Missed You Idiots Part 3

“So, this is how you celebrated our made up birthdays?” Klaus asked, shoving a piece of chocolate cake into his mouth.

Chewing noisily, he swallowed and lifted an eyebrow. ‘Not bad,’ he thought.

“Not exactly,” Five said, poking at his piece of cake, while keeping an eye on Klaus eating his, when the other man nodded to himself, Five finally lifted the fork to his mouth, and took a bite.

“Hey! You were waiting for me to take a bite before you did it!”

Five just shrugged at the face of his brother’s insulted pout. “Better safe then sorry.”

“Unbelievable,” Klaus muttered. “You are a sneaky little thing, aren’t you?”

Five didn’t dignify that with an answer. “Back home,” he said instead. “There were no supplies to make a cake.”

“No cake?” Klaus looked horrified. “How did you live?”

Five’s lip twitched at that. “I had bigger things to worry about idiot,” he said. “And canned food and bugs worked just fine to keep me alive.”

Klaus grimaced.

His brother nodded. “Yeah.”

“Still,” the boy in the school uniform said, scooping up more of the cake and shoving it in his mouth. “It wasn’t all bad. During each of your birthdays, we would stop moving a couple of days earlier, and scavenge for food, maybe even bring out the fancy once I was trying to save up, and kinda talk about the past.”

Five had this far away gaze in his eyes now. “Dolores loved to hear stories about you guys.”

“Dolores as in?” Klaus said, waving his fork vaguely.

“Yes, Dolores as in the love of my life.”

“Right,” Klaus said, sharing a quick look with Ben. Ben just shrugged.

“Some people deal with things differently Klaus,” he said.

“What kind of things did you and your lovely Dolores talk about?” Klaus asked, turning back to face his brother.

“We used to talk about whichever sibling whose birthday it was,” he said.

Eyes moving towards the place he knew Ben was sitting now, and twitching his lips a little.

“I told her about that time we snuck out to watch that new movie you had been ranting about all week.”

“Snuck out when? Why didn’t I get to come?” Klaus asked, eyebrows furrowed and voice falling into a fake hurt.

Five looked away from Ben, who had the largest of smiles on his face, and lifted his shoulders. “No clue,” he said. “It was just us.”

“We almost got caught by dad,” Ben added. Klaus hadn’t seen him this content and happy in years. ‘What being a part of a conversation could do for a guy,’ Klaus thought.

“How did you get away from him?” he asked, temporarily forgetting that Five couldn’t actually hear Ben.

But Five piecing together what his dead brother might have said quickly, carried on like nothing had happened. Ben beamed at that.

“Well,” Five grinned. “We were in the hallway, and he was coming down the stairs. He was looking for Benny, since he already checked his room and found him missing.”

“Yikes.”

“Yup,” Five said, absentmindedly popping the p. Klaus grinned from ear to ear at that.

“You are such a bad influence,” Ben sighed.

Klaus ignored him, but he was still very pleased with himself for instilling that tiny bit of normality into his world-renowned assassin of a brother. “How did you avoid getting caught and prevent Ben from getting in trouble then?” he asked.

“I convinced Benny to jump with me,” Five said, words colored with humor. “He hates doing it, and it took a bit of convincing, which was terrifying to do, while hearing dad’s footsteps coming down the stairs, but I did, and we jumped into my room and pretended we were training together when dad came to find us.”

“It worked too,” Ben added. “I did look kinda pale and sickly after the jump, and Five didn’t look any better either cuz he’s not used to taking people with him.”

“Wait a minute,” Klaus said, standing up. “Five, space jumped with you?” At Ben’s answering nod, he sat back down in shock. “But you said you never space jump with anyone.”

“I don’t,” Five said, continuing to eat his cake. “Benny’s the exception.

Leaning back in his chair, Klaus shook his head. “You and your favoritism,” he said, echoing Diego.

Ben snorted next to him, which made Klaus grin.

Five just smirked at him. “We had good times here,” he said. “Talking about them with Dolores helped me not to forget.”

The atmosphere had taken more of a somber tone now.

“Most have been lonely,” Klaus said, staring at his brother.

“It was,” Five answered. And from his flippant way of saying it, it was evident that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Reading Vanya’s book helped me with that.”

Five had that far away gaze again.

“Vanya’s book?”

His brother nodded. “I know you’re all angry at her for it, but without it, I wouldn’t know, you know?”

Klaus couldn’t say anything. Throat clogged with something that made him unable to open his mouth.

“Knowing how you were all doing, knowing that Ben was gone, that non-of you talked anymore, and how you dealt with my disappearance, hurt, but at least I knew, and that was more than I ever hoped for in an apocalyptic world.”

Klaus nodded.

“I think I can recite that book word for word now,” Five chuckled, but his laughter was hollow. “Vanya should be flattered.”

“Maybe she’ll be,” Klaus finally let out, lips dry, and lungs burning within his chest, but he was finally able to pry his lips open and say something.

“Now that you’re here though, maybe you can be in the sequel with me?”

It was a terrible joke, but that’s all he had right now, and when Five smirked at him, eyes not so dead anymore, Klaus sagged back in relief.

“Maybe I will,” his brother said. “On another note,” he continued, like their previous conversation had never even happened, and honestly Klaus couldn’t really blame him.

“Some guy came over today, looking for you.”

Yeah?” Klaus said, lifting a questioning eyebrow. “Who?”

Five stabbed his fork into what remained of his cake and pursed his lips. “Freddy, Frank, something like that. I honestly don’t know.”

“Oh, Finley!” Klaus exclaimed.

Ben choked on a laughter. “Finley?”

“What of it?”

“It’s an ugly name,” Five said, and It was eerie how easily Five could guess what Ben was saying by simply listening to Klaus’s answers.

“Whatever guys,” Klaus huffed. “What did he want?”

“I told you, he came looking for you.”

“But I never saw him?” Klaus frowned, putting a long finger against his chin to contemplate.

“That’s cuz I sent him away,” Five said.

“You did what?”

“I told him that you being with him at all, the first time around, was out of pity, and that he should probably find someone else to take pity on him this time, because kindness doesn’t come from the same place twice.”

Klaus gaped at him, while next to him, Ben was dying of laughter.

“You did not?”

“I did.”

Klaus leaned back, trying hard not to laugh at the picture forming in his head. A little boy telling Finley that he wasn’t good enough for him. He felt flattered.

“Most I always look out for your best interests?” Five huffed, putting his fork aside now that he was done eating.

Klaus grinned at him, still feeling warm inside that someone other than Ben was watching out for him now. “Yes, yes you most, and we thank you in advance.”

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy spoilers #number five #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #i should be studying #short fanfic #tua #fanfic #enjoy

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shoelace-noose · 5 years

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#097 | Talk

Five Hargreeves & Linda Martin. Five is supposed to talk to someone.

Word Count: 823

Five stares at the doctor. She stares back. She’s average, he supposes, for the area. Recently, Miguel and Skye decided it would do everyone some good to move into a big city. Get away from Santo Padre and all the ghosts, some literal in Klaus’ case, give everyone a second chance in a new school. And possibly, for the doctor sitting across from Five in her soft little chair. Bleach blonde and a bit older looking than most of the people on these streets, old woman glasses, and a notepad. She specializes in getting to the root of delusions, apparently. Five had looked her up and found out she’s the one treating Lucifer Morningstar.

“So-”

“I have to sit here,” Five interrupts, “but that doesn’t mean I have to talk to you.”

Nodding, the doctor shifts her grip on her pen, poised to put something on her paper.

“Don’t write that down.”

She presses her pink lips together. The color is too bright for her, Five thinks, too much like something the Handler would wear if she ever stepped away from her gaudy trademark red. Even thinking about that woman makes him tense, and of course the doctor notices. It’s her job to analyze him and pick him apart until he’s nothing but a pile of crumbs like the kind Diego leaves when he’s cramming dry cheerios into his mouth in the middle of the night like some kind of animal. He prefers honey-nut, but won’t admit it. Some amount of pride, maybe.

“Tell me about your friend?”

“She’s more than my friend,” Five argues, even though he said he wouldn’t talk, and pulls Dolores firmly closer, her cold plastic body pressing almost uncomfortably against his side. “Dolores is my everything.”

The doctor- what was her name? Five knows he knew her name. He squints at her desk and reads it out. Dr. Martin. Dr. Martin writes Dolores’ name on her paper and asks, “When did you two meet?”

Maybe it wouldn’t be half bad for Five to be like Klaus. High off his ass, near deaf. He’d have an excuse to play stupid until Dr. Martin decides to entertain herself otherwise during the session and quietly pockets the certainly hefty paycheck from Skye for every hour she spends attempting to unravel the wires in his brain. Does she enjoy the checks, he wonders? Because Skye is old-fashioned enough to have a physical checkbook, but eccentric enough for them to be patterned with dolphins instead of boring beige.

He decides to just not answer Dr. Martin. Five did not ask to be psychoanalyzed. He didn’t ask to be here. The only reason he showed up was because everyone’s been so on edge since Klaus overdosed- since Ben died, really- and his agreeing to go to this session without a fight definitely put Miguel’s anxiety at ease. He’s been a wreck, and everyone has agreed not to mention it. He’s always checking in on them, and has been a bit of a pain in the ass about Five actually taking the medication he was prescribed. Something about him having a full on anxious meltdown at a store only a few days before Klaus overdosed on the drugs he was supposed to be taking to prevent that kind of thing, has Miguel enforcing that he follow the little yellow and white label.

Will Dr. Martin want him to start taking more medications. Maybe something to turn him into the kind of mindless zombie Ben turned himself into in the weeks leading up to what he did to himself. It’s one thing for him to have constantly, constantly, covered the inside of his hoodie with scarlet and dark brown that no one could ever see except for Five when he kneeled in front of Ben in the bathroom and wrapped his arms in bandages or poured peroxide over his hips. It’s another to make the mess he did of all their lives so soon after they got him back.

“Do you blame yourself for what happened to Ben?”

Five’s head snaps up. He must’ve been talking aloud. Ever since he was a child, he’s had a habit of doing so. His father had hated it, tortured him for it once. How many times has he been told that it would get him in trouble? Stupid, stupid, stupid. He pulls Dolores tighter against him even though it hurts and curls his toes in his shoes.

“What Ben did to himself, you mean.”

“Sure. But it sounds like you feel you’re at least partially to blame.”

He should stay for the full hour, even if he doesn’t actually say anything. But Five hates this more than he thought he would, and he just wants to go back home and pretend to be annoyed by how loud his siblings are, when in reality it’s the opposite. He loves knowing they’re alive and alright. So he stands up and leaves.

#five hargreeves #tua #linda martin #lucifer tv #suicide //#self harm //

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yoiotdfics · 6 years

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Fic Recs for June 2017

Here are all the fics we rec’ed for the month of June. I’m hoping to have the bonus rec list up today or tomorrow.. :)

Umm, You’re In My Bath

Harky21

Summary:

Footsteps sound out in the hall and Yuuri’s eyes immediately snap open. No one should be out right now. Technically Yuuri shouldn’t even be out right now. It was past curfew. He shifts slightly in the water hoping that the steps will continue past the door, but they don’t. They stop and then the door handle starts jiggling and he hears muttering.

Or Yuuri’s just wants a nice calm bath, but then Victor happens

based off of Moose’s amazing art and own Harry Potter AU

Scratches on Ice

ClioSelene

Summary:

Yuuri is sick, with everyone around him trying to relieve his pain. Or not. Lots of fluff anyway.

Smoke & Stones

94mercy

Summary:

Mari is five years old and she is watching her little sister grow inside her mother’s stomach. Mari is eighteen years old and she is watching her little brother’s obsession decorate his room in more merchandise than any one person should own. Mari is twenty-four years old and she is watching her little brother leave his family behind to chase his dreams. Mari is thirty years old and she is watching her little brother fall in love.

snapshots from the Katsuki siblings’ lives wherein Mari attempts to be the best sister that’s ever existed

we were never perfect (but i love you just the same)

wartransmission

Summary:

Life and love can never be perfect for all that people try and make it to be, but Viktor and Yuuri are doing their best to make it work.

(In which Yuuri is stubborn and refuses to rest, and Viktor is very in love and very concerned. What’s new, really?)

Four kittens and one cat

UMsArchive

Summary:

“Sometimes, a family can be two dads and four kittens-” He pauses. “-and a fifth older cat - there’s still Puma Tiger Scorpion under our tutelage.”

Shear Genius

Beltenebra

Summary:

Victor persuades Yuri to take a risk and try a new hairstyle. He’s unsure but Otabek is just the person to help.

Freeways, Boyfriends, and Great Deals on Wholesale Food

icandrawamoth

Summary:

Yuuri is an anxious driver at the best of times, let alone rush hour in a strange city. His boyfriends are varying degrees of helpful. Also, Chris has an unhealthy obsession with wholesale food stores.

eight inches

viktores_secret

Summary:

“Boys and girls are not to be within eight inches of each other.” Dolores gave the rule, but Viktor clearly wasn’t listening.

Shards of a Broken Heart

Cherry101

Summary:

Sometimes, if Yuri zoomed in on the picture, he could fool himself into believing that Otabek was alone - that the captioned message was for him, for Yuri, not for anybody else.

Sometimes, if he closed his eyes and sprayed the cologne he still continuously bought, he could pretend that the scent was Otabek himself, still with him, living with him.

~~~~~

Or, the aftermath of a failed relationship, told by Yuri.

when your hands leap towards mine, love

foxinsocksinabox

Summary:

The opening notes of an Debussy’s Première Arabesque cut through the air like rain on glass. It’s slower than Victor’s heard it played before, and something about it sounds- lonely. Wistful, almost. Somehow it suits the quiet and the early hour, and before he knows it, Victor’s hooked, as surely as if he was a fish on a line.

Finders Keepers

larkscape

Summary:

His name is Puma Tiger Scorpion the Great and he is the Emperor of the Plisetsky and Baranovskaya households.

If I Can’t Kiss Him

Val_Creative

Summary:

“You’re really pretty when you’re not scowling.”

above, below, by you, by you surrounded

seventhstar

Summary:

twenty two year old yuuri katsuki finds himself in st. petersburg, two years in the future, in the apartment where his future self and his fiance, viktor nikiforov, live.

of course they have a threesome.

pretty as a picture

rovio

Summary:

In retrospect, Grandpa should’ve left the old photos of his hot friend in the attic.

Seriously.

Fighting Evil By Moonlight

chromyrose

Summary:

Viktor Nikiforov, aka Sailor Moon, is torn between the cute, shy boy who won’t give him the time of day, and the dashing hero Tuxedo Mask.

Oh, the Horror!!

BrinThePuffling

Summary:

“No offense, Vitya…” Yuuri started slowly, “but you got scared watching The Princess and the Frog.”

In which Viktor wants to play horror games with Yuuri and Yuuri prepares himself for weeks of sleeping with the lights on.

Chills and a Fever

mypoorfaves

Summary:

Exactly what the title says. Requested by an anon on tumblr.

The Name Game

GoodbyeBlueMonday

Summary:

It’s the discussion every soon-to-be-married couple must have at some point: what to do with their names.

Yuuri and Victor take an interesting route to that decision.

(Rated T for discussion of boners/masturbation and Yurio’s swearing.)

Love notes

Rosesnfeathers

Summary:

Yuri comes back from a week in Almaty with Otabek sad and frustrated that nothing happened like he was hoping for. That is until he finds a little note in his pocket…

A Roommate’s Solemn Duty

icandrawamoth

Summary:

“What kind of roommate would I be if I didn’t take you on a little adventure every now and then?” Phichit asks with feigned seriousness. “It’s my duty as your best friend.”

Thin Ice

foxsgloves

Summary:

Sara wants to distract herself after a fight with Mickey. Mila is there to help with hot chocolate, boob jokes, and lifts across the ice.

Home Videos

GoodbyeBlueMonday

Summary:

Victor doesn’t believe Yuuri’s family that he’s been in love with him forever, but they have video proof. Cue a delighted Victor and a mortified Yuuri, but it all works out in the end.

I Have You Now My Pretty

peabrain

Summary:

The Katsuki-Nikiforovs are not abundantly skilled in roleplay.

But they are abundant in love.

Bare Emotions

Val_Creative

Summary:

There’s still intensive schooling and extracurricular, for a professional skating career — and it turns out Seung-gil attends online courses, including drawing and illustrative art. Phichit can’t be too sure why Seung-gil approached him outside the plaza, for the favor, but he’s happy to help. Even if it involves stripping off his clothes in the heavily air-conditioned room.

At Your Mercy

spicysizzle

Summary:

An innocent foot massage becomes a little bit steamy, but neither Yuuri nor Viktor seem to mind. [a.k.a Viktor’s Service Kink]

Much Ado About Nothing

TheCasualPasserby

Summary:

Two fandoms, both alike in dignity (At Skate Canada, where the world’s best compete), Begin a violent war quite suddenly Provoked by one night’s worth of angry Tweets. Within these fandoms are two skating fans Who like each other just for who they are Together they will spite the fandom ban And thus begins our story most bizarre.

tl;dr: What if a member of Yuri’s Angels fell in love with a member of JJ’s Girls?

It’s a Sign

LittleLostStar

Summary:

Five times Victor and Yuuri escalate the Silly Signs Held Up At Airport Arrival Terminals War, and one time Victor wins without using a sign at all.

taste of you

rkez

Summary:

A little ficlet I wrote for yurionicekinkweek :) It was meant for Day 1: drunk sex, but I ended up adding a few other prompt ideas

In Over Their Heads

Salmon_I

Summary:

“Okay, so now it’s all over the web, and the reporters are starting to drop hints because they want to break the story. Except there is no story.”

A misunderstanding, a meddling best friend, and a phony engagement.

Coach Yuuri

Coyoteclaw11

Summary:

Written as a fill for the prompt: Victor is the younger fanboy and Yuuri is the older star skater. Victor still shows up in Hasetsu, but because he NEEDS a coach.

–

Viktor lifted his thumb from his phone, watching the “transaction complete!” pop up confirm his purchase of a one-way ticket to Hasetsu, Japan. This was it. This was his chance.

#yoi #yuri on ice #fic rec #fic rec list #June 2017 fic recs

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