#give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently

[torgawl]

i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so

#i don't know if this makes sense but i like how character's stories in fontaine are interconnected in the perfect way that they're used to #give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently #i forgot to add navia's story to the post but that's also another scenario used to characterise neuvillette #the same way wriothesley's backstory exists independently but it's also used to give depth into neuvillette's character and his motivations #the same way navia and clorinde's probably will as well #i always headcanoned (is that a verb 😂) neuvillette and wrio's friendship stemming from neuvillette trying to atone to his silence during #wrio's trial. i think it makes sense. i think it probably meant a lot to wrio too to have someone be so trustworthy after everything he #went through the betrayal from his adoptive family and his only aid through his life being the melusines who aren't human #and neuvillette being that sort of comforting older figure especially probably feels familiar to wrio #i have no idea what i'm trying to say actually i have a big headache at the moment and i feel almost delirious but i just love the concept #of neuvillette as a character and i think a lot about his friendship with wriothesley how it began and the grief and guilt neuvillette #probably still carries #but also about how he also gets the chance to a brighter future and how he achieves it so naturally without even realising #how he never expected anything from his compassion even if he saw it as duty and didn't interpret his own kindness as anything other than #his own responsabilty towards others #like idk am i making sense??? #he's just so cool 😂 #like yeah there's a layer of there's no reason he would have any animotisity towards humans because they're not at fault for the primordial #one's actions but from that to actually actively being so empathetic and compassionate goes a bit of a long way?! #okay i'm over i'll shut up this is probably si confusing i apologise if anyone read this mess shsjhs #this is also influenced by my tbk brainrot because loving others actively is a big theme and i just think that's beautiful actually #genshin thoughts #genshin impact #my post

[thespoonisvictory]

ok so firesnap made this very good post earlier today about the problems with niki and wilbur’s dynamic, and I have so much brain rot over it it’s getting it’s own separate post.

my general thesis for it is that I don’t mind niki having less going on as a character in s1, it’s that it’s not expanded on in s2 that’s the kicker.

In s1, even pre election, we get a lot more for Niki than is generally credited. Her relationship with Wilbur is central to her character, but that makes sense, because that’s her hook into the story: Wilbur wants her to join because they are friends. Cool! While it’s initially a bit awkward, their cc dynamic immediately gives a sense of warmth and closeness to their relationship that Wilbur doesn’t really have anywhere else. He’s close with Tommy, sure, but in a more mentor/sibling way, and it fleshes him out a bit more to see him bond with someone else. Leading up to the election, we also get more key traits of Niki’s character

1. She’s kind and compassionate, shown through her general demeanor, but also through the creation of her bakery and her deep care for Fungi.

2. She’s very independent, and doesn’t rely on others to form her opinions. We can see Wilbur is probably her closest friend, but she befriends Eret and basically demands that Wilbur be ok with it because it’s her choice, and literally runs against him in the election. It’s an interesting depth to her character that doesn’t really get brought up, and while it is related to Wilbur, it’s still individual development and characterization

3. She’s very vocal about her beliefs, even at a cost to her safety. She is the one to make the giant flag showing her alliegance, she is the one to be most vocal and aggressive towards Sapnap during the pet wars, she’s vocally against Schlatt before nearly anyone else.

None of this stuff is dependent on Wilbur, or is weakened without it. Wilbur is the catalyst for her joining, but her character is still well established without him and enriched with him. This isn’t your typical “woman only exists in the context of a man” to me, because, well, Niki is a strongly characterized firecracker of a character who has strong individual moments and arcs (in s1 at least...). 

Throughout Pogtopia, while there’s definitely room for her to do more, especially post festival, I’m not mad about her character then, either. We see strain placed on both Niki and Wilbur as he’s forced to leave her behind, her anger with her treatment under Schlatt, and her stress upon seeing Wilbur’s deterioration. We’re reminded that she’s close to Wilbur, and Wilbur’s kindness to her serves the narrative purpose of reminding us that he is very much still the same person from before, and maybe could be again. It’s not the show stopping arc that other characters have, but it isn’t trying to be. s1 is very much Wilbur’s story with other arcs added in, and Niki being less “important” doesn’t bother me.

What s1 is for Niki is good setup. It’s quite common in media for side characters to be introduced earlier in relation to main characters, and to be more strongly developed later. The best example I can think of is Nico Di Angelo from the Percy Jackson series, or Jaime Lannister from asoiaf. If you left Nico after the third/fourth book, or Jaime Lannister after the first, they would come off as incomplete and a bit one dimensional, but when they start to shine, they really start to shine. Jaime in particular comes off as a plain villain until we get his pov in the third book, and suddenly he’s getting development galore.

s1 sets Niki up perfectly for that: she’s got a strong personality, a set of beliefs and distinct worldview, and a close relationship to a key player who just died, not to mention the beginning of her building her Secret City to keep refugees safe. It could’ve included her more, for sure, but what’s there is a solid base.

In the beginning of s2, we have a Niki forming new relationships (Puffy, namely), navigating the world without her narrative crutch (Wilbur), and generally being in the perfect spot to begin coming into her own as a character, espeically with the Secret City stuff. I’ve talked extensively about the opportunities for her character: being part of the egg arc, getting involved with Eret, being in the new l’manburg cabinet, actually exploring a spiral arc.

But instead, it’s all just... dropped. Call it cc!niki being busy, not being communicated with, etc etc, the fact of the matter is there. Niki as a character completely drops off, and has been kind of fumbling since to find her footing as a character. Unfortunately, that leaves her relationships with Wilbur as the only throughline of consistency, and suddenly Niki goes from a character who started off Wilbur-centric but was veering off in her own direction... back to Wilbur-centric again.

I don’t hate what’s shown! I think it could really work, but the issue is that Niki and Wilbur’s s1 relationship was never built up to carry Niki through three seasons, it was a catalyst for the existence of her character and a nice grounding bond for both of them to have. It’s not that the s1 stuff is bad, it’s that the follow up offered was never carried out, so instead of:

s1: Wilbur heavy with relationship to Niki in the background and s2: Niki heavy with relationship to Wilbur in the background

we get:

s1: Wilbur heavy with relationship to Niki in the background and s2: Niki’s barely there and it’s mostly central to Wilbur.

There’s something very sweet about the Wilbur Niki dynamic that really appeals to me. I like the way Niki’s confidence contrasts with Wilbur’s insecurity, the idea of loyalty to a place through a person, the intimacy of being the last person someone trusts and of course the concept wearing each other’s clothes. The festival scene alone is one of my favorites ever (just like the brain rot over Niki defending Wilbur on inauguration day vs him defending her at the festival... chefs kiss). It’s a good relationship that sets up Niki to be a strong solo character, as well as s1 lore in general setting her up. 

But that relationship never should have been the entirety of her character, and that’s why it feels lopsided. It all comes back to s2 failing to deliver on Niki as a character, but I don’t think it’s the fault of the Wilbur Niki interactions or dynamic

tl;dr: s1 Niki, and Wilbur and Niki’s relationship is good and should be kept, we just needed to add more solo Niki in later seasons

#wilbur soot #nihachu #dream smp #dsmp meta #dsmp analysis

[audreycritter]

Hey I really love your work! Especially your oc Dev! I was wondering if you had any advice for me, because I have an oc that I was considering writing into a batman fanfic, but I'm not really sure about it, because I want my character to be real and I'm afriad I'm going to just write some mediocre Mary sue.

First of all: Mary Sues can actually be awesome. They get a lot of flack, but they do perform an important emotional service in fandom spaces! It’s exciting and cathartic to let a character feel in control of their place in a story, and anyone who is rude about it can go sulk in a corner or eat a lemon. 

Second, I didn’t exactly set out to write an OC, so take all this with a grain of salt. I have a ton of fun writing Dev, but it was a lot of figuring stuff out along the way or realizing AFTERWARD why something had worked. So first, HAVE FUN. Don’t try to stick to “rules” to the point that it stops being fun for you.

FINALLY, here are some guidelines that work in my opinion for writing an OC into an existing fandom:

1. Give your OC a specific role and goal.

-If they’re showing up to just fix everything and everyone, this can read as overpowered. Their outsider perspective SHOULD have insight into some characters or situations because of their emotional distance, but if they can accurately perceive EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, that ends up feeling fake. Give them something specific that they want, something specific they THINK they want, and some reason that the canon characters represent an answer to that. Using Dev as an example, he wants to belong, he thinks just wants to help a hero, and the family are people his specific skills can serve. 

2. Give your OC limits and flaws.

-These can’t just be cute or endearing! Look at the character’s strengths and consider the extreme presentations of this. If they’re intelligent, do they accidentally lecture in an insulting way? If they’re emotionally sensitive, do they overreact sometimes? If they’re stubborn, do they stick it out at the wrong time? If they’re caring, do they sometimes accidentally smother? Your OC should get tired, and hungry, and frustrated, and have some life outside of the story. This can be a career that sometimes suffers as they get drawn into the canon character’s orbit (like Dev) or it can be friends or family that don’t get to “come” with them into this new world. The new story they’re in can be more important to them, but they do actually have to have SOMETHING they can’t keep in their new situation. 

3. Let your OC need the canon characters.

-It can be physically, emotionally, mentally, financially-- and this need can change and shift as the story progresses. But a lot of the time, “Mary Sue” is a term people use when they actually mean “this OC only exists in one dimension.” The OC should have some goal or something they can do, but they should also need the canon characters in a believable way. Why does their relationship become more than chance encounter? What do they get out of relationship with the canon characters, and how do the canon characters see that need? What is the OC’s relationship with their own need? Dev needs to belong, but thinks this is less obvious than it actually is; another OC might need help with a specific criminal problem or family situation and see their need more clearly. Whatever it is, make sure they need the canon characters more than superficially, or they might as well just be in their own story.

4. Craft relationship for your OC.

-If your character is going to have a story they share with canon characters, they have to have relationship. A character who doesn’t need relationship (strong, independent loner) is a death blow to a story. If you’re constantly fighting the OC on being connected with the canon characters, and they keep doing things like disengaging, or leaving, or spurning them, then that puts you in the position of writing canon characters who are fine moving on OR have to go beg for connection. There’s probably a way to do this if the OC has something the canon characters really want or need, but it’s trickier because it sets your readers in emotional opposition to the OC. Now, that said, the OC can be a loner at the beginning, or think of themselves as independent, as long as you show by their actions that their perception of self doesn’t match what they actually want. People need relationship, even if they have reasons to be wary of attachment. The OC should be in a place where their need is outweighing their wariness. If the character is still at the point where they spurn all relationship, then they aren’t ready to share a story. If you want it to work, give them connection to canon characters, even if they have complicated feelings about it.

5. Let your OC feel out of place.

-Give them a reason to stay even when they feel out of their depth. But then let them feel out of their depth! If they have backstory reasons to not feel completely overwhelmed by the canon characters’ strange life, then find some other thing that unsettles them. Even if it feels uncomfortable, let them feel awkward and scared. Just balance this! If you have a tough fighter character, peel away their outer shell and terrify them with an injury or feeling trapped or exposed. If you have a more peaceful character, throw them out of their depth with an emotional blow or violence. Let them then rise to the occasion-- this could be accepting help from the canon characters, or refusing to let intimidation scare them away from the canon characters. Make their need/want outweigh their discomfort, but let them be uncomfortable. 

6. Let the canon characters need and like your OC.

-Last point! It probably won’t go over well if the OC is the answer to all their problems, but there should be at least one specific area of their lives where they also have a need to welcome this new character into a situation. The way they need them can also change over time as relationship grows, but if canon characters are only trying to get rid of your OC, it’s going to make the OC seem pushy or will make canon characters look like jerks. Not all the canon characters have to need and like the OC in the same way, but at least a few of them should. Depending on the kind of story you’re telling, and with which canon characters, this can be almost anything: medical care, a class project buddy, a cover story, a source of information, a shot at redemption, an event date, a mechanic, etc. The characters don’t have to be perfectly aware of how they need each other (aka, one character can feel guilt over a sense that they’ve “used” someone while another character thinks the former is just super nice), but they can be perfectly blunt about it. It depends on what the story is and their own self-awareness. 

I hope this helps! Please remember that this is just from my own experience, these are suggestions and not rules, and because it’s fandom and for fun, don’t stick with anything that is ruining your enjoyment. You can write whatever, if you’re doing it because you like it! These are just things that I think might help make an OC work for other people, too.

#writing asks #starrystories2

[suckmysupernatural]

Sunshine - Chapter 3

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1655

Pairing: Sam x OC Sunny

Series Summary: The Winchesters meet a cheerful hunter named Sunny, who quickly captures Sam’s attention. Little do any of them know what lies in store when Sunny gets invited to join the brothers. Who can say how Sam, Dean, and Sunny will be some training days, a handful of hunts, romantic dates, a kidnapping, and one vengeful demon later.

Chapter Summary: Sunny and Sam go on their first date

Warnings: language, fluff

-------------------------------------------

The three had decided to wait to start training, giving Sunny a chance to get settled into life at the bunker. She adjusted smoothly and it soon felt like she had always been with them. It was only a few days after Sam had asked her out that the date was planned. Sam had been ruminating over what the plans should be. He didn’t want something bland but he also worried about overdoing it. He just wanted everything to be perfect for her. 

It was finally the night of the big date and Sam was feeling pretty confident about the plans he had formed. He went over them with Dean earlier to make sure it sounded good. The only note Dean gave was adding ‘sexy times’ to the itinerary, to which Sam smacked his brother on the back of the head. He wasn’t trying to seduce her, but woo her. 

He had instructed Sunny to wear a dress, heels optional. She was glad to hear that, as she had plenty of dresses that she knew would work well. After about 20 minutes of contemplation, she decided on a satin wrap dress. It was beautiful jade green, with a slight ruffle along the bottom. It landed mid-thigh, with a faux slit where the dress folded over itself to wrap around. The dress had thin straps and showed off just the right amount of cleavage. Sunny paired the dress with a deep grey pair of chunky heels. They were much more comfortable than pumps but still gave her a height boost. 

Sam had let her know that he would ‘pick her up’ in the War Room at 7. It was cute, especially because their rooms were right across from one another. As Sunny made her way through the library, she bumped into Dean. 

“Wow, Sunny. Sam isn’t gonna know what hit him,” Dean said upon seeing her. It was the first time the boys had seen her all dolled-up. Dean’s reaction boosted Sunny’s confidence in her outfit choice. She thanked Dean before leaving him to go meet Sam. Upon walking into the War Room, her jaw almost dropped right off of her face.

Sam was standing there in dark grey slacks, a white button-up, and a dark grey blazer. He was the perfect mix between casual and formal, the blazer unbuttoned and a tie nowhere to be seen. Sunny found a well-dressed man incredibly sexy, especially when that man was Sam. 

Sam looked up at the sound of Sunny’s heels and almost passed out at the sight of her. She was fucking gorgeous. Her dress showed off a bit of skin, revealing the toned legs that he had yet to see. And of course, she was wearing the smile that took his breath away every time he saw it. 

“Wow, you look stunning,” Sam exhaled as Sunny got closer to him. She couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she responded, giving him a smirk. Sam couldn’t help but lick his lips, his eyes raking over her. He did his best to focus, knowing that if he kept staring he may never stop. 

“So, you ready?” Sam offered his hand, to which Sunny gladly took. The two of them walked to the bunker’s garage. Sam led her to a deep red classic Mustang convertible. Guiding her to the passenger side, he opened the door for her. He made his way back around the driver’s seat, getting behind the wheel of the car. Soon they were pulling out of the garage and into the night. 

The car’s top was down, which went perfectly with the warm summer night. The radio began to play “My Girl” by The Temptations and the two couldn’t help but share a smile. Sam didn’t say it out loud, but it was exactly how he felt about Sunny. She made him feel amazing every time the two were together. The last week with her felt like the best he had ever had. Sam was already falling hard for her. It was frightening and exciting all at the same time. 

It wasn’t long before Sam was pulling the car into a restaurant’s parking lot. He had done plenty of research before choosing this one. It was more upscale than he was used to, which made it the perfect date spot. After parking, Sam was quick to the other side of the car to open the door for Sunny once again. She couldn’t help but feel her heart swoon. Sure, she was a strong, independent woman but she also adored the effort Sam was putting in to make her feel special. 

The two entered the restaurant, Sam informing the hostess of his reservation. A second later, they were being ushered into the depths of the dining area. It was a gorgeous place, the lighting low giving it an intimate feel. Tables surrounded a large dance floor, where Sunny could see couples swaying along to slow songs. She had a feeling that she would be out on the floor soon enough.

Sitting, they began to glance over the menu. Sunny couldn’t help but be shocked by the prices of each item. Sure, hunters lived off of credit card scams, but even so, she tended to live life on a budget. 

“Hello, can I get you two started on anything to drink?” A waiter asked, appearing a few minutes after they sat. Sam looked over at Sunny.

“Want to share a bottle of wine? You’re choice, I enjoy all kinds,” He offered. She smiled before looking back at the waiter.

“We’ll have a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc,” Sunny ordered. The waiter nodded before leaving to go fetch the wine. 

“So, a white wine drinker?” Sam asked. 

“Red is too bitter for my taste, I have a bit of sweet tooth,” Sunny admitted.

“Why am I not surprised?” Sam chuckled. Her personality seemed to match her tastes almost to a tee. 

The conversation continued to flow between the two, each sharing bits about themselves that the other might not know. Sam told her what it was like growing up in the hunting life, while Sunny explained how boring normal life could be. They both slightly envied what the other had. Sam wanted the predictability while Sunny preferred the freedom that he had in youth. 

They both shared about their family and friends who they had lost, laughed over embarrassing stories, and flirted relentlessly. If anyone had looked in on the two, they would have thought that they had been a couple for years. Time flew by for the two, dinner finished before they knew it. Once the bill was paid, Sam stood and offered a hand to Sunny. 

“May I have this dance?” Sam asked with a smile. It was cheesy and Sunny loved it. 

“You may,” she giggled, taking his hand. He led them onto the dance floor as the song “The Way You Look Tonight” by Tony Bennett began to play. Sam wrapped his arms around Sunny’s waist, her wrists hooking together behind his neck. The two began to sway along to the music.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm

And your cheeks so soft

There is nothing for me but to love you

And the way you look tonight

Sam felt as if each word of this song was for her. He was mesmerized by her. Not just her beauty but her intelligence, compassion, and kindness. As they danced, their eyes couldn’t seem to stray from the other’s. It was as if they were drowning in one another, not wanting to breathe again. 

Lovely, never, ever change

Keep that breathless charm

Won't you please arrange it?

'Cause I love you

Just the way you look tonight

If someone had looked close enough, they may have seen it. Right then, on this dance floor, as they held one another, both Sam and Sunny began to fall in love. As the song ended, another began. It was “At Last,” by Etta James. 

At last, my love has come along

My lonely days are over and life is like a song, oh yeah

Yet another song that fits perfectly for the couple. Honestly, most love songs would speak to them at that moment. As they swayed together, it was as if Sam and Sunny were the only ones in existence. There were no monsters, no demons or angels, nothing. Only the two of them, holding one another.

 Leaning his head down, Sam closed the gap between the two. If sparks were ever to fly, now would be the time. The kiss was perfect, soft, and slow. It left both parties breathless. 

You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in Heaven

For you are mine at last

Sunny leaned into Sam’s chest, letting him hold her tight as they continued to dance. Neither could tell how many songs had passed when Sam whispered into her ear.

“Be mine?” his voice was tentative. Sam felt vulnerable as if he was offering for Sunny to take his heart in her hands. She leaned back to look into his eyes once more. The look they shared was passionate.

“I’m yours,” she whispered back. It wasn’t long until they were sharing another kiss. This one was even better than the last. It was saying everything that was currently being left unsaid. It told Sunny how Sam was constantly in awe of her strength and resilience. It told Sam that Sunny may be a happy person, but had never felt happier than when she was with him. 

It said the fear of falling for someone so fast. It said that the fear was worth it. It said how it was as if they had been waiting for one another all of their lives. It said that they felt complete when together. It said joy, passion, excitement, hope.

It said love.

Chapter 4 ->

#sam #sam fic #sam series #sam fanfic #sam winchester #sam winchester fic #sam winchester fanfic #sam winchester series #sam x oc #sam x ofc #sam winchester x oc #sam winchester x ofc #supernatural #supernatural series #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfic #spn fic #spn fanfic #spn #spn series #suckmysupernatural #sunny series #sunshine series

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for elliot

This reading is for Elliot, a very sweet Yoonjin bias who sometimes (often) finds himself thinking about Kim Taehyung. Can you blame him? Thank you so much for your patience, love. I hope you enjoy and are staying safe a well. <3

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon makes for a very mysterious, contradictory personality, with Cancer existing on a highly emotional and reserved plane while Libra yearns to roam, explore and adapt to their surroundings. You are all at once highly sociable, deeply enjoying the company of others, and private - often swimming away on your own to escape the harsh realities of the world - enjoying  a cozy night in with a good book or podcast almost as much as a delicious dinner out with a large group of friends and acquaintances. Those who don't know you well may accuse you of being a bit unsteady, seeing all the ways in which you adapt to your surrounding and feed off of others energies. Your close friends and family know that you are just water and air, constantly seeking balance and harmony in your relationships above all else. All three of your placements are geared towards security and balance, and at your core you crave stability and a strong foundation in your home that is calming, peaceful and without too much tension or unpleasantness. It is because of this that you are drawn to creative artistic pursuits, though you likely hold a more traditional full time job to ensure you are financially secure and comfortable. Those possessing your star placements are innately empathetic, nurturing of others and self-critical of self. While your Virgo rising lends itself to additional self-criticism, towards others you are incredibly soft, sentimental, and supportive - if only you showed more gentleness towards yourself! It is likely that you are loved by many, serving as a strong emotional refuge for family and friends alike, who admire your compassionate, trustworthy and purposeful nature.

A true lover of life's simple wonders, you are likely to gravitate towards the arts, spending your free time exploring museums, galleries, concerts, and any other large gathering around creative ideals. On one particular early fall afternoon while exploring an outdoor exhibit in the city with friends, your eyes gravitate towards a man playing a piano in the square. His presence is magnetic to you, your eyes immediately  drawn to his slouched posture as his fingers stroke each key, his face covered by short, black hair and a black cap. The shadow of the mysterious figure piques your curiosity, enough for you to approach him to have a closer listen, the melody floating through the crisp air of the changing seasons. It is almost as if in that moment nobody else is in the square - just you, the music and the mysterious gentleman - until his fingers stop moving, as if breaking from a trance. Fully immersed in his own world, he doesn't notice you standing there until several minutes later, his dark eyes moving to meet yours in a moment of instant attraction, one that only two water signs could possess.

Imagine your surprise when you find out that the presumably down-and-out aspiring artist is actually the esteemed Min Yoongi, a fact that he conceals until you're on your second or third date.

Ever the optimist and hopeless romantic, your Cancer Sun lives to love and be loved, both platonically and romantically - longing for a partnership that is all encompassing. This is amplified by your Venus in Leo, which makes you a lover of big love (think grand displays of affection, gift giving, and passionate quality time.) You want to spoil a partner, seeing no reason to skimp or cut corners for the people you love and expecting the same adoration in return. This is especially true once you fall hard, as it often takes some time for people to get past the barriers of your outwardly serious Virgo rising and your impenetrable deeper Cancer shell. At first you will keep your feelings close, waiting for the other party to reveal themselves to be genuinely trustworthy and open before letting them into your inner world. Once in love, you want to pull out all the stops, becoming the most nurturing, adoring lover - almost as if making up for lost time of keeping your emotions reigned in for so long. Yoongi's Pisces is also cautious in love, but it does not take long for him to show the range of his emotions, his romantic energy and empathy all at once making you feel secure and understood in ways that you do not often experience with other signs - signaling that it is okay to open up and be vulnerable. You are drawn to Yoongi's artistry that flows out of him, the sparseness of his words that hold meaning in every syllable, and he adores your compassionate nature - thinking of you as a true friend and companion, though the connection is very much a romantic one. A Cancer and Pisces are likely to spend countless hours tangled up in their sheets, hands softly caressing every inch of each other before even becoming overtly sexual. This is a duo that is incredibly intimate, enjoying savoring each and every delicious moment in each other's company and romantic spirits. You could undoubtedly spend the rest of your life laying next to Yoongi as his fingers graze your hair, cheek and neck, sweet nothings pouring into your ear. You naturally connect on an innately intimate level, the tone of his voice enough to rile you up long before his long, skilled fingers even begin to move down past your neck, chest and belly button. In bed, Yoongi brings a gentleness alongside just the right amount of kink to set you on fire.

Your desire for romance cannot be outweighed, however, by stability and comfort. A Cancer, while a hopeless romantic, is not excited by the idea of a tumultuous, unpredictable love wherein.spontaneity reigns. While you are ruled by water as a Cancer, your Libra heart and Virgo moon crave balance and relative predictability - something that our Pisces Yoongi wants but often escapes him in his quest for greatness. Yoongi's Venus is in Aries, making his love is a bit more impulsive and spontaneous, Ultimately, after many nights in bed alone with your partner huddled in his studio, you realize that Yoongi's more free-flowing Pisces spirit proves to be a bit too fluid for your Cancer heart. The dissolution of this relationship is extremely challenging given your shared emotional depths, and there is surely a continuation of the relationship via long, late night phone calls and sentimental texts until one of you breaks it off to preserve your sanity and wellbeing. This is a pairing that makes a lifelong, profound impact on each other, likely prompting Yoongi to write some of his best work to date.

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon is not likely to be single for too long, very much preferring the company of a romantic partner to single life. Luckily for you, people are inherently drawn to your warmth, which lies beneath the surface of your Virgo rising but is quickly detectable by some. You're happy to find yourself approached by a handsome stranger while browsing through an indie record shop downtown, his fingers floating across the top of the album you've taken interest in. That's a great album, are you a fan? You aren't sure how long you are in the shop chatting up the boy, who introduces himself as Kim Namjoon, before you're off to grab a coffee at a nearby cafe.

It takes many months of seeing Namjoon the Virgo - who would prefer to be alone with a good book than in the presence of bad company - to reveal a more emotional side of himself. Despite approaching you first, Namjoon is not exactly suave, his endearingly goofy mannerisms a result of his high level of independence and time spent in solitude away from prying eyes. This relationship begins as more of a friendship with two generally cautious people tiptoeing around their emotions, wondering who is going to take the risk of revealing their true self first. But after some time it becomes clear that his more business-like, stoic Virgo exterior does not stand much of a chance against the depths of your Cancer emotion and Libra charm. When partnered, you are your person's biggest cheerleader, and it is your emotional range and empathic powers that can successfully soften the coldest heart as you only see the good in others - never the bad. Early on, much of the relationship is spent with you intently listening to his ramblings or championing his many professional creative endeavors - his words like poetry to you as he workshops new lyrics, projects, or his dreams of the future that he will so clearly put into action as a result of his . The Virgo is happy to open his mind to you over countless walks along the river or through lush parks outside of the city, a bond forming from your desire to be needed and wanted if even as a supportive listener. He senses your genuine interest in his thoughts - not for his status as a celebrity but who he is as a person. Your empathic qualities, while natural to you, are also a form of protection against getting hurt: speak less frequently, and you won't need to reveal many of your insecurities around your own potential. More than anything, Namjoon wants you to open up and let him in to your world. your innate strengths and talents, bringing you away from all of your negative self-talk and doubt around your abilities - something he can relate to deeply as a Virgo Sun. Maybe it is the warmth of his brown eyes as he tells you how special you are, or the way the sun rays perfectly hit his brown hair, but you can't help but believe him.

Once you are able to move into understanding on a deeper level, you find that Namjoon is one of the most sentimental, loyal people you've ever known. Namjoon's Venus is in Scorpio, meaning that despite any hurt he has experienced in the past, he is a true romantic at his core, looking for his one true love and willing to devote it all to that special person. The Scorpio is notably possessive in love, which serves to both frustrate and excite you in just the right ways. While your Libra moon may be naturally flirtatious, Namjoon is the one that holds your heart, and you enjoy being consumed by his love through song and writing - with his Mercury in Libra, you are likely to be his muse in all things creative. This is a pairing that can spend endless hours nestled in bed reading a book, bouncing ideas off of each other, and exploring each other's hearts before diving into the physical. You, Cancer, are the sexual initiator, wanting to know him body and soul - exposing him to an entirely new emotional plane of sexual connection. For the Virgo man, sex is often just another thing to be skilled at, and you are able to expose the innately vulnerable, emotional, and outwardly animalistic nature of his sexuality. The sexual relationship between these two is almost transcendent, with you taking the reins as the boss to show him the ropes, allowing him to unlock a different side to himself and learn how to please you. As someone who gets off to the idea of learning and achieving, expect marathon sessions in each other's arms (and mouths).

Ultimately, Namjoon is the member best able to bring you the stability you crave alongside an unwavering emotional commitment, with an earthly ability to firmly ground you when you are lost at sea. He will allow you to swim into your solitude - as you need from time to time - but you can rest easily that he will always be there when you are ready to return to reality. More than anything Namjoon is a provider, his mind working over time to help you solve your problems and achieve your dreams with his quintessential Virgo intelligence and flare, likely pushing you to pursue your creative ideas full-time instead of shying away from your potential and making sure you have everything to feel secure. You are someone who becomes a better person when in love, flourishing under others affection, and with Namjoon you have a special opportunity to truly come into yourself and achieve more than you ever imagined. Meanwhile, you provide a level of nurturing that he so deeply desires and a softness that he so desperately needs and few others can provide. In this partnership, you are the caretaker of the physical and emotional realm, while he is a provider in a more literal sense: making sure you have everything you need financially to create a sanctuary home base curated for the two of you to create and restore yourselves when the day is done. This is a duo that is steadfast and secure, prioritizing home and family and partnership over frivolity and spontaneity, appreciating travel and gallery openings abroad but also knowing how to take comfort at home with nights in and a vinyl on a record player. It is in this secure, stable lifestyle that you are both stimulating and fulfilled. Overall, this astrological pairing is comprised of two very synchronized and amenable plane, existing on a very calm, comforting foundation that is impossible to shake.

#bts #bts astrology #horoscope #bangtan #bangtan astrology #bts fic #cancer #virgo #libra #pisces #love #compatibility #creative writing #kim namjoon #min yoongi

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

After the Wedding. By Courtney Milan. 2018.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Worth Saga #2

Summary:  Adrian Hunter, the son of a duke's daughter and a black abolitionist, is determined to do whatever his family needs—even posing as a valet to gather information. But his mission spirals out of control when he’s accused of dastardly intentions and is forced to marry a woman he’s barely had time to flirt with.

Camilla Worth has always dreamed of getting married, but a marriage where a pistol substitutes for “I do” is not the relationship she hoped for. Her unwilling groom insists they need to seek an annulment, and she’s not cruel enough to ruin a man’s life just because she yearns for one person to care about her.

As Camilla and Adrian work to prove their marriage wasn’t consensual, they become first allies, then friends. But the closer they grow, the more Camilla’s heart aches. If they consummate the marriage, he’ll be stuck with her forever. The only way to show that she cares is to make sure he can walk away for good

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger/Content Warnings: race-based micro aggression, implicit slut shaming, sexual content, strong language/swearing

Overview: I don’t think I need to say why I picked up another Courtney Milan book at this point, so let’s get on with the review.

Writing: As always, Milan’s prose gives the impression of simplicity and effortlessness. I think she has a good instinct for when to tell versus show, and I like the way she communicates what is happening clearly and thoughtfully. I also think her pacing in this book was pretty close to ideal - she wasn’t afraid to let emotionally heavy moments breathe, and more exciting “action” (if you could call them that) scenes didn’t take up more space than they had to.

Plot: The majority of this plot revolves around Adrian, our hero, trying to “get dirt” on a corrupt bishop while also balancing his duties to his family and seeking an annulment for his forced marriage to Camilla, our heroine. I’ll talk about the romance below, so for now, I’ll focus on the other aspects of the plot. The annulment plot was rather straightforward in that I think Milan clearly communicated what Adrian and Camilla needed to do. I liked that it wasn’t just “abstain from having sex,” but a whole tangle of things, like obtaining character witnesses, referring to themselves as married, the matter of their social standing, etc. As Milan writes in her author’s note, annulments actually weren’t that easy to obtain, and I’m glad this plot made it clear.

The “getting dirt” on the bishop plot was also understandable. Given that the bishop in question was the one who forcibly married the two, it makes sense how the original mission to uncover his corruption would be tangled up in the annulment plot. I didn’t find this storyline quite as compelling, but I understand why it’s there - more to serve as a frame than the actual “meat” of the story itself.

The family business/china business plot mostly seemed to serve as an external pressure on Adrian, and though it started out as just another source of stress, it became more interesting to me when Camilla got involved with both the the plate designs and the camaraderie of the workers. But though I found it personally uninteresting, I do appreciate why it was there - it gave Adrian an enterprise to focus on, and gives the impression that he isn’t just at his uncle’s beck and call. He’s an independent businessman in England who has an eye for art, which goes against a lot of stereotypes or assumption about Black people in 19th century England, I think.

Characters: Adrian, our hero, is youngest son of a white mother (the daughter of a duke) and a Black abolitionist (from America, I think?). He is confident and kind, inspiring others to be their best selves and displaying remarkable understanding when they make mistakes. Adrian also desires to be acknowledged by his maternal uncle, a rival bishop who shows affection in private but treats Adrian like a servant in public. He wants so desperately to be acknowledged that he lets his uncle take advantage of him, and a large part of Adrian’s arc involves him finally getting the courage to draw the line and put a stop to it. I found Adrain to be instantly likable and sweet, and I think his ability to tackle problems, juxtaposed with his hilarious inability to lie, was quite fun to watch.

Camilla, our heroine, is the daughter of a disgraced earl and has been shuffled around from home to home. As a result, she’s lost contact with her siblings, and has serious abandonment issues, but remarkably, she still has the courage to hope that someday, someone will love her enough to stick around. I like how her personal arc mirrored Adrian’s in a way: while Adrian longs to be accepted by his family, Camilla longs to be accepted by anyone. Part of both of their arcs involve valuing themselves, and with Camilla, it’s especially powerful because she has so little support to begin with (as opposed to Adrian, whose brother Grayson is always there to look out for him). Camilla’s internal thoughts had a bit of a tendency to be repetitive, but I do think Milan struck a good balance between voicing Camilla’s insecurities and acting admirably. In other words, Camilla didn’t come across as clingy or desperate to me, in part because she never sought to *make* Adrian stay with her.

I also very much liked the sibling dynamics in the story. Grayson, Adrian’s older brother, is supportive and always shows concern for Adrian’s happiness, and I liked the rapport between them. Camilla’s siblings are fun to read about; Theresa is a forceful personality who is always clashing with their elder sister Judith, but they love each other regardless. I was incredibly happy when they finally found each other, especially since Camilla’s absence was a major point of pain in the first book of this series.

The antagonists were serviceable in that they weren’t especially nuanced, but I felt that the lack of depth worked because the story wasn’t really about the conflict with them. Adrian’s uncle, for example, is perfectly civil; he’s never outright racist, but makes a lot of remarks that show he is ashamed of his Black family, and constantly puts off acknowledging Adrian because of how it would affect his social standing. I think this was a good move on Milan’s part because it didn’t opt to showcase “how bad things were back then” by using racism as a spectacle. Similarly, the corrupt bishop and his accomplice (Camilla’s former employer) were barely characters in the book, but their purpose was mainly to be the catalyst for Adrian and Camilla’s story. Their corrupt dealings revolved thematically around unjustly punishing “fallen women,” so there was an element of feminist justice as well as racial justice to the novel as a whole.

Other: Readers looking for a steamy, sexy romance might be a little disappointed in this book. Milan is not so much concerned with sensual, rapid seduction as she is with a gradual shift from acquaintances to allies to friends to lovers. Adrian and Camilla’s emotional bond is very much at the heart of this love story, and though they are physically attracted to one other, their sexual interest takes a backseat to mutual support. I did enjoy how each enriched the emotional lives of the other: Adrian gave Camilla the confidence to accept that she deserved to be loved, while Camilla’s fierce sense of hope inspired Adrian while also leading him to expect better of his uncle.

I also liked that Milan wrote a mixed race hero and a bisexual heroine without letting those aspects become the defining features of their characters. While we never really forget that Adrian is not white, he’s also not constantly enduring racist remarks or poor treatment. Instead, Milan shows us how Adrian operates in the world by code switching and adopting an air of confidence so that white people will treat him a certain way. But while those things are present, Milan takes great care to show that Adrian is first and foremost a kind person who perhaps gives people too many chances and trusts too easily, which sometimes gets him in trouble, but sometimes endears him to others. Some (probably white) readers might complain about historical accuracy, but honestly, Black people existed in 19th century England and had jobs other than “servant.” And also, who cares about “historical accuracy” in a historical romance - the point is escapism. Get over it.

Perhaps the only thing I can criticize in this regard is that the focus on both living as a Black person in England and the injustices shown towards women (both in society’s treatment of “fallen women” and in the ecclesiastical courts) are topics worth exploring in detail on their own. Because there was so much going on, I felt like neither topic got its due diligence, but maybe not every novel needs a thorough exploration of these themes. Maybe this is just personal preference.

Overall, this was a delightful read, and I liked it better than the first installment in the series. Milan continues to be my favorite romance author, and I look forward to her next book!

#book reviews

[goldensfm]

              *    ╰     𝐡𝐢   𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲   𝐥𝐮𝐯𝐬   𝐚𝐧𝐝   𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐠   𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬    ,   i’m   your   resident   crackhead   steven   forced   out   of   early   writing   retirement   by   miss   rona   but   i   ain’t   complainin   !    🤡    i’m   here   to   bring   you   a   decidedly   non   -   crackheaded   muse   utilizing   the   absolute   goddess   that   is   zendaya   .   like   got   DAMN   𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤   at   her   !   i’m   swimming   with   muse   for   lex   so   i   am   hoping   my   control   freak   ice   queen   offers   some   sort   of   justice   —   i   cant   wait   to   meet   you   all   and   love   you   down   endlessly   !   if   you   could   spare   a   𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭   for   my   validation   ,   i’ll   offer   you   all   my   best   plots   in   return   !   💖

𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕

     ❛   ✶   (   ZENDAYA  ,   CIS   -   FEMALE   ,   SHE   /   HER   )   spotted   !     ALEXANDRIA   ‘   LEX    ’   GOLDMAN   was   spotted   singing   along   to   BOSS   BITCH   by   DOJA   CAT   in   hilton   grove.   you’ve   heard   of   them   right   ?     they   are   a   TWENTY   -   TWO   year   old   ACTRESS   &   ENTREPRENEUR   who   has   already   amassed   a   net   worth   of   $31M.   you   should   really   follow   them   on   insta   @GOLDEN ,   they’re   about   to   hit   39.1M   followers.        the   tabloids   have   been   calling   them   the   EXECUTIVE   because   they   are   known   for   being   +   PURPOSEFUL   but   also   a   bit   -   AUSTERE.  —   ooc   info   (   steven   .   21   .   pst   .   she   /   her   /   they   /  them   .  )

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔

full   name   :      alexandria   (   defender   of   man   )   rochelle   (   little   rock   )   goldman   (   little   golden   one   ) nicknames   :       primarily   goes   by   lex   .   lexie   ,   xan   on   occasion   ,   and   gold   /   goldie   . birthday   &      age   :      september   3rd   /   22   years   old zodiac   :      virgo gender   &   pronouns   :      cis  -  female  ,  she   /   her   /   hers orientation   :       openly   bisexual nationality   :      american ethnicity   :       mixed   race   —   african  -  american   ,   german   ,   irish   ,   english   ,   scottish occupation   :       former   beauty   pageant   competitor   and   2016’s   miss   teen   usa   ,   current   film   and   television   actress   ,   model   ,   business   entrepreneur   ,   and   activist   .   recognized   for   :      starring   in   hbo’s   television   series   euphoria   ,   being   the   first   openly   queer   representative   for   the   usa   in   the   pageant   circuit   ,   her   advocacy   for   feminism   and   criminal   justice   reform   ,   a   bustling   social   media   page   ,   being   one   of   forbes   2019′s   top   30   under   30   . char . inspos  :    meredith  grey  from  grey’s  anatomy   ,   spencer   hastings   from   pretty   little   liars   ,   hermione   granger   from   harry   potter   ,   meghan   markle     ,   angela   martin   from   the   office   ,   alex   cabot   from   law   and   order   svu   ,   and   more   than   anything   ,   claire   from   fleabag   .     𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧   𝐢𝐟   𝐮   𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦   𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞   ,   𝐢   𝐛𝐞𝐠   𝐨𝐟   𝐮   𝐭𝐨   𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡   𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬   𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨   𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭   𝐭𝐨   𝐠𝐞𝐭   𝐥𝐞𝐱’𝐬   𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞   𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨   𝟑   𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬   . tropes   :   control   freak   ,   defrosting   the   ice   queen   ,   perpetual   frowner   ,   did   you   think   i   can’t   feel   ?   ,   hidden   depths   ,   stepford   smiler   . aesthetics :    an  intellect  that  remembers  everything    ;    wild  caramel  curls  with  just  enough  composure  to  seem  effortless    ;    a  fear  of  failure   more  crippling  than  life  itself    ;    the  smell  of  fresh  linen  and  lavender     ;     a  color - coded  itinerary     ;     a  perfectly  choreographed  interaction  ,  each  time    ;    lilac  power - suits  and  an  immaculate  composure    ;     unspoken  mommy  issues    ;    tenebrous  ,  intent gazes  swimming  with  the  resonance  of  unspoken  thoughts   ;    ‘ don’t  touch  me  please ‘  syndrome    ;    kicking  out  hookups  before  you  both  fall  asleep    ;    ordering  the  same  thing  at  a  restaurant  ,  every  time    ;    flinching  at  ‘ i love you’s ’    ;    drafting  business  emails  at  the  club     ;    an  admiration  of  atlas  ,  with  the  world’s  weight  upon  your   shoulders .

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚

               born   the   sole   continuance   of   the   goldman   name   to   a   mother   whose   pregnancy   was   all   but   a   career   death  -  sentence   ,   lex   bore   the   weight   of   the   world’s   expectations   on   graceful   shoulders   from   the   moment   she   came   into   the   light   .   lieutenant   olivia   goldman   ,   head   of   the   manhattan   police   department   ,   can   deny   the   salacious   accused   affair   with   the   district   attorney   until   she’s   blue   in   the   face   but   can’t   deny   the   consequence   of   their   tryst   ,   alexandria   being   a   painful   reminder   of   losing   nearly   all   her   mother’s   years   of   hard   work   while   her   father   simply   denied   her   existence   and   lived   none   the   more   guilted   .      from   the   start   ,   the   odds   were   stacked   against   the   goldman   progeny   ,      pushing   perfection   as   her   only   claim   to   some   semblance   of   attention   from   liutenant   goldman   .

             as   a   mixed   race   child   to   a   white   unwed   mother   in   law   enforcement   ,   working   80   hours   weeks   and   having   spent   years   building   her   career   ,   there   was   little   lex   saw   of   her   mother   that   wasn’t   something   resembling   exhaustion   or   utter   disinterest   .   this   forces   her   to   grow   independent   at   an   astounding   pace   ,   keeping   to   herself   as   to   not   bother   her   mother   with   her   own   whims   or   desires   .   at   12   ,   her   mother   is   courted   by   an   award   -   winning   director   who   requests   her   guidance   on   a   police   film   he’s   submitting   —   she   refuses   to   advise   on   the   film   ,   but   goes   to   dinner   with   him   as   a   courtesy   ,   and   they’re   married   a   year   later   in   a   lavish   hamptons   wedding   in   the   summer   .   rudy   delano   is   a   world -renowned   director   along   the   likes   of   steven   spielberg   ,   and   takes   to   lex   like   she   were   his   own   daughter   .   as   if   to   balance   out   olivia’s   coldness   and   detachment ,   he   showers   lex   in   adoration   and   support   ,   encouraging   her   to   pursue   her   interests   of   pageantry   when   she   voices   them   following   her   7th   grade   year   .  

              considering   a   lifetime   spent   nitpicking   and   pushing   her   own   facade   of   complete   calculation   ,   she   takes   the   pageantry   world   by   storm   and   it   seems   the   rest   of   her   life   falls   into   place   .   a   perfectionist   in   every   sense   ,   she   maintains   nothing   short   of   flawlessness   throughout   high   school   (   taking   on   student   council   co-president   ,   heading   several   clubs   ,   and   one   of   four   school   valedictorians   )   and   goes   on   to   compete   in   the   most   elite   of   pageantry   circuits   .   her   advocacy   for   marginalized   populations   was   a   major   platform   and   propelled   her   to   miss   teen   new   york   and   soon   after   ,   miss   teen   usa   .   in   the   live   aired   interview   segment   ,   perhaps   among   the   most   important   moments   of   her   life   ,   lex   makes   a   rare   slip   and   accidentally   comes   out   as   bisexual   when   asked   about   the   LGBTQ+   mental   health   crisis   in   her   home   state   of   new   york   .   this   leads   to   lex   becoming   the   first   openly   queer   miss   teen   usa   ,   and   would   have   likely   fared   well   if   she   were   to   have   continued   ;   despite   its   progressions   ,   the   pageant   world   of   sponsorships   seems   to   lag   behind  ,   and   the   ‘   controversy   ’    of   her   coming   out   led   to   her   leaving   the   pageant   world   for   good   .   

              on   her   own   two   wobbly   feet   ,   she   continues   with   her   advocacy   and   finds   herself   excelling   in   the   business   element   of   it   all   ,   going   on   to   obtain   her   business   degree   from   columbia   while   taking   on   the   big   screen   in   a   blossoming   film   career   at   the   encouragement   of   her   step   father   .   she   shoots   to   stardom   upon   the   release   of   euphoria   ,   paired   with   a   strong   social   media   presence   ,   a   thriving   modeling   career   ,   and   a   brand   that   becomes   recognized   as   a   household   name   synonymous   with   advocacy   and   entrepreneurship   .

𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

              perhaps   lex’s   most   notable   quality   is   being   driven   by   an   unyielding   fear   of   failure   and   mediocrity   .   there   is   no   task   small   enough   that   lex   will   not   accomplish   to   the   best   of   her   execution   ,   and   if   she   can’t   ensure   perfection   ,   she   will   refuse   to   give   it   an   attempt   at   all   .   this   all   or   nothing   attitude   stems   from   an   obscene   obsession   with   control   and   remaining   in   control   ,   something   those   around   her   are   all   too   aware   of   .  

              despite   a   rather   charming   and   gregarious   disposition   on   the   red   carpet   ,   many   will   note   that   lex   is   incredibly   reserved   when   meeting   her   in   real   life   .   the   pageantry   training   has   kicked   in   to   give   her   a   facade   to   push   when   she’s   in   the   spotlight   ,   though   her   true   disposition   is   much   less   play   and   much   more   work   .   she’s   stoic   and   serious   ,   knowing   just   what   to   say   at   what   time   to   continue   the   narrative   that   she   is   completely   in   control   .   cool   and   calculated   ,   her   affect   is   usually   stern   and   unwilling   to   reflect   any   sentiment   of   softness   or   goofiness   —   many   business   associates   note   her   absolute   maturity   and   rationality   even   at   the   tender   age   of   22   .   her   energy   ,   as   subdued   as   it   may   be   ,   commands   the   room   with   a   power   of   self-assuredness   that   only   stems   from   a   confidence   rooted   in   something   to   back   it   up   .   she’s   an   elderly   woman   in   a   millennial’s   body   ,   and   this   tends   to   show   in   her   dry   wit   humor   ,   relative   moodiness   ,   and   general   propensity   for   wanting   things   done   exclusively   her   way   .

              lex’s   intellect   has   always   been   a   strong   suit   of   hers   ,   a   photographic   memory   that   allowed   her   to   glide   through   school   with   the   least   of   struggles   .   astute   and   well   -   spoken   ,   monotone   and   unlikely   to   crack   in   her   stony   temperament   ,   she’s   a   force   of   nature   to   be   well   reckoned   with   .   luckily   ,   lex   shows   little   to   no   interest   in   engaging   with   petty   drama   and   tends   to   keep   in   her   own   lane   ,   losing   interest   nearly   immediately   in   the   mindless   pettiness   some   of   her   friends   wrap   themselves   up   in   .   rational   ,   arguably   to   a   fault   ,   lex   has   a   bad   habit   of   censoring   herself   and   limiting   her   own   commentary   when   in   the   company   of   anyone   she   needs   to   maintain   her   reputation   with  ;  close   friends   ,   on   the   other   hand   ,   will   easily   characterize   her   as   blunt   and   straightforward   ,   almost   too   aggressive   with   her   honesty   for   her   own   good   .   though   she’d   rarely   voice   it   ,   she   has   an   undeniable   superiority   complex   stemming   from   a   recognition   that   whatever   she   does   ,   she’s   incredibly   good   at   (   ignoring   her   unwillingness   to   step   out   and   try   anything   outside   her   comfort   zone   .   )

              this   is   the   curious   dichotomy   of   alexandria   goldman   ,   considering   one   of   her   most   notable   flaws   is   her   unwillingness   to   invest   .   despite   being   perhaps   overly   honest   ,   the   moment   a   conversation   (   or   relationship   )   runs   the   risk   of   becoming   too   emotionally   risky   ,   she   shuts   down   .   flames   have   been   ghosted   ,   relationships   have   been   ended   ,   and   friendships   have   been   cut   off   simply   because   lex   deemed   them   to   be   a   danger   to   her   mission   of   remaining   in   complete   control   of   herself   and   her   life   .   the   select   few   that   have   plowed   through   lex’s   rather   prickly   initial   interactions   have   earned   themselves   a   friend   forged   from   gold   ,   loyal   to   a   fault   and   ready   to   drop   anything   at   a   wind’s   blow   to   aide   those   she   loves   most   .   defensive   and   ornery   ,   the   pageant   girl   facade   soon   blows   over   to   reveal   an   anal   retentive   ,   emotionally   stunted   grandmother   who   loses   her   lid   over   the   most   minute   of   inconveniences   if   they   step   out   of   her   pre-established   plans   and   routines   .

              hiding   beneath   her   layers   of   fake   smiling   at   redundant   questions   ,   unapproachable   hostility   and   being   an   otherwise   unmeltable   ice   queen   ,   lex   harbors   a   deep   intensity   that   overcomes   her   when   allowed   to   reign   (   and   very   rarely   is   allowed   to   reign   )   .   she   does   not   invest   in   small   doses   and   despite   the   relative   unlikelihood   of   her   allowing   a   distraction   such   as   a   relationship   ,   the   few   she’s   had   have   been   intense   whirlwinds   led   by   lex’s   own   inability   to   limit   herself   —   she’s   all   ,   or   she’s   nothing   ,   but   nowhere   in   the   middle   .

#hilton:intro #late. to the. party. : yes #ready 2. party ? : also. yes #😤✊🏽

[sabine-leo]

Adaptation

Author: @sabine-leo

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston / ofc (You) special guest Benedict Cumberbatch 

Wordcount: 4980 

Warnings: none. Maybe just watch out for cavity ;) 

Summary: Your first novel became a bestseller and will be adapted to the big screen. Slightly out of your comfort zone you try to do your best as a 27 year old writer who is not accustomed to being the centre of attention. 

Note: This was a whish from @anchored-in-high-tide for her win in my 1k follower raffle! I do hope I did your idea justice !! Thank you for your trust!!! 

Feeling totally out of your comfort zone you stepped into the room anyway. Your book and a notepad tightly held against your chest in which your heart hammered slightly out of beat you took a seat and tried to calm yourself down with a deep breath. This was not your natural place to be. You liked closed rooms, not that you were claustrophobic but you preferred them with less…people. If someone had told you about a good year and a half ago how your life would change in just a month time and at the age of 27 you would have laughed and asked which meds they´d taken… But here you were, in a room full of important people whom had bought the rights to your FIRST published book that had become a phenomenon in weeks.  Gladly you´d had the wits to demand to be included in every decision and get a veto on everything regarding the storyline and possible changes. It was not easy to negotiate with them but in the end, they really did want to adept your book for the big screen and said yes to your proposal. You got to work on the script with some very talented writers and actually had a lot of fun doing that. NOW the part started where you were a lot more uncomfortable or better put nervous about.

“Let´s put faces to the characters you envisioned, shall we?”

The casting director said and smiled at you. 

Here we go… you thought and took a last calming breath.  

 In your head it was easy to envision the needed characters but in real life, not so much. You had seen some great actors for different roles and you knew that with cosmetics and wigs there could be done a lot to make sure they fit the bill but you wanted it to feel right. There was just one last role to cast and it was the most significant one to you. The actors you had seen so far did a good job but the spark was missing; The feeling of them getting the essence of the character and being able to add depth to it and not just perfectly saying the words in the script.

The door opened again as you were doodling something onto your notepad

“Hello…” a deep voice resonated through the room.

“…My name is Tom and I would like to audition for the role of Matthew. “

 You looked up and…did a double take. A soft chuckle came your way and he smilingly corrected the placement of his glasses. The casting director got her wits back together faster than you and asked.

“Mr. Hiddleston, we are honoured to meet you but you want WHAT?”

Tom grinned and repeated himself. “I want to audition for the role of Matthew.”

Looking around you were the only one who still was starstruck. The other faces were just looking flabbergasted at TOM HIDDLESTON who wanted to AUDITION.

“Frankly put, I think we are not able to meet your normal payroll…” The director said with a little blush on his face. Tom smiled and pointed to an empty chair. “May I?” He asked politely and sat down as he saw a silent nod coming from you.

 “I know this is an independent film and a smaller studio but that should not be the problem. I am deeply in love with this book and especially how Matthew is portrait. I´d love to take him on and if I may be frank as well. I´d be willing to co-produce and work some of my contacts to get us what we need to do justice to the book.” Tom looked at you and smiled. God, you wanted to hide behind your notepad as you felt a blush coming up. He met all the things you wanted for Matthew. He was tall, handsome and his eyes could say what words often could not. This man in front of you was able to tell a story with his body language and eyes alone.

NO. WORDS. NEEDED!

You loved the movies he had made so far and had seen him on stage too. Besides his -no doubt- very good looks he had a sharp mind and was well read and eloquent. A deadly combination if you were concerned.

 Tom took another breath. “I know you probably have to discuss my second proposal first. But please, let me at least audition and show you what I have prepared.” His charming smile hit you again. Jesus, one could think you were a writer that put all her words on paper and was not able to form a single coherent sentence out loud.

 Get a grip!  You ordered yourself and cleared your throat.

“I… I´m sorry. Hi, my name is (Y/N)…”

Tom stood to take your outstretched hand.

“I know who you are (Y/N)…you are the Author to this delightful book.”

The both of you shook hands and Tom looked at you as you tried to get your mouth to form more words while your brain was sending out misleading impulses. For one it sent out shock that HE KNEW YOU. Then it sent out a tingle up your arm because of you and him shaking hands. You were pretty sure your brain went haywire inside your skull screaming THAT`S TOM HIDDLESTON!!!

You really needed to get a grip NOW! Telling yourself that he might run any second if you would continue to look dumbfounded at him and somebody else had to play Matthew did the trick.

“Please, it would be my pleasure to hear you speak Matthew´s words.”  

Well, that went rather well after the clusterfuck inside your head.

 Tom smiled and nodded. He stepped away from the chair and closed his eyes for a second. You could see his shoulders slumping, his posture getting more sunk in and less easy going. He started to pace the room in slow and not forceful small steps, ruffling his hair and looking out a non-existent window. His eyes watered as he gulped and began to talk.

Hearing his voice break and sound so vulnerable alone made you choke up yourself.

“How long do I have to continue to walk the earth? For how much longer will I be my broken, incomplete self? I was promised that the part of my soul I gave up would come back to me…” He sat down and rested his head in his hands. “I am tired of feeling half empty, of needing to try to fill this…void inside my chest.” Abruptly he stood up and the chair fell over. You saw his face changing from sad to angry in a split-second. “I`M DONE YOU HEAR ME!” He yelled, then repeated the same sentence in a low, menacing voice. “I am done….you hear me!”

 It was not only you who sat there, staring at Tom as he changed back from Matthew to himself and smiled a little nervous. He picked up the chair and sat down again, awaiting a response. It surprisingly was you that found her voice again first.  “Wow, I mean…” You cleared your throat. “…why did you choose THIS scene out of all you could have prepared?” Tom smiled and wet his lips while pushing up his glasses another time. “I picked that scene in particular because It…to me…shows the emotional uproar of Matthew and his feelings in a very short amount of time. He is lonely and sad but also very angry to the core of his being. In this scene he lets it all out in the safeness of a room bereft of people before walking out and playing a role in his own life that he wants everybody to see.”

 His words resonated so deeply inside you that you wanted to hug him for getting the essence of who Matthew really was and saying it out loud! But all you got out was “Thank you!”

Tom smiled at you and inclined his head. “No, thank you for writing such an intriguing story.”

The casting director laughed still a little awestruck. There were glances thrown at each other with smiles and enthusiastic nods. “Well, I guess that settles it then. There will be nobody that can top what we have seen just now. I think I do speak for everybody at this table when I say. Welcome on board Mr. Hiddleston!” Toms eyes lit up. “Just Tom, please!”

He seemed genuinely happy to be able to give life to this character.

“As producer of this film…” Josh stood up and held out his hand “…I´d say I would be dumb not to let you co-produce. So, buckle up you are in for a ride!”   Tom grinned and shook hands with Josh.

“Let´s meet tomorrow to go over everything you have scheduled so far and get into details.” Tom suggested and they exchanged numbers. You stood, ready to get out of this room and breathe some fresh air after a long day.

 “(Y/N)…” Tom said and stopped you with his hand reaching out to touch your arm. You looked into his soft blue eyes and smiled. “…If you´d be willing to let me pick your brain about Matthew over dinner- I´d love to treat you to it. I do have one or two questions…” Your stomach gave a little rumble and you and Tom started to laugh.  “I take that as a yes…”

He opened the door and bowed a little. “After you!”

God damn, that charming smile again. Well, you´d just need to think of it as a work meeting like the ones you had had before with the script writers.

 An hour later Tom and you sat in a little restaurant he had recommended, not far from the West-End Theatres you loved so dearly. Central London was still busy but inside this restaurant and engulfed in a lively discussion about the characters in your book you were oblivious to it. After overcoming your first shocked state at seeing him you found him very easy to talk to. It was no hardship to keep the conversation flowing, even as it drifted away from Matthew and got a little more personal. Tom asked what had inspired you to write the book, what gave you the idea.

“If I say it came to me in a dream, I would sound so stereotypical…” You laughed and took a sip of your sparkling water. Tom chuckled and shrugged.

“If I order tea after dinner, I am stereotypical too. I don´t think it´s necessarily a bad thing.”  

 The food was amazing and tasted very good. Tom smiled as he saw you close your eyes at the first taste. “Walking into that room I thought I lost you for a second!” He grinned teasingly.

“Well, have you seen yourself walking into that room? I am a little bookaholic who is not accustomed to meet actors whose work I adored for a long time now.” Tom grinned at your words and took another bite of his meal to hide his own blush after your compliment.

“Plus…” you said “…I am rather out of my comfort zone doing all this.”

Tom tilted his head. “What exactly is your comfort zone then?”

Thinking about it for a moment you answered him.

“My desk where I wrote half of the book you are now co-producing…or that one tree in Regents Park where I wrote the other half…” you laughed.  Tom leaned back in his chair.

“Did you sit in the tree while writing or leaned against it? I am just asking because I frequently run through this park and need to know if I need to be aware of you threatening to drop onto me when I don´t do your character justice or if you just stick out your leg and let me trip.” A snorted out laugh escaped you and you clutched your hand over your mouth afterwards. Tom laughed as well and all the tension you might have felt somewhere inside depleted in favour of enjoying a dinner with him, talking about what made him and you tick.

  Later, as you lay in bed you couldn´t help but wonder if this day really had happened. Gasping out a laugh you closed your eyes and shook your head. “Some day” you said to yourself before drifting off into your colourful dreamworld.

 The next weeks you were busy starting to write your new novel and only kept track of some things in pre-production that needed your attention. It wasn´t until 4 weeks after the casting that you met Tom again as you walked into the first round table meeting to discuss the first week of filming. Starting in 3 days’ time, there were still some things to discuss and you needed to go over some monologue / dialog changes Tom had requested. Tom stood from his chair and pulled back the one next to him. “(Y/N), so good to see you again.” You smiled and dropped your bag onto the table before Tom pulled you in for a friendly hug. Near your ear he said

“I found myself running a lot more through Regents Park lately…but sadly I haven´t been able to find your tree!” Grinning he pulled back and looked into your eyes.

“I might need a map or a big red X on the spot please.” You laughed and sat down with a little blush but before you could answer the door opened and it was like history repeating itself. There you were, doing a double take, staring at a tall and handsome men who smiled at you. Tom leaned in a little. “Am I losing you again?” a deep chuckle before he stood and hugged the man who just had walked in. “Ben, meet (Y/N).” Benedict Cumberbatch held out his hand and grinned as he saw your still stunned face. “Hi (Y/N), I´m Ben. My friend Tom here told me you needed a narrator for some parts of the movie. I loved the book!” You shook hands with Benedict and Tom laughed.

“You loved the book after I practically forced you to read it.”

Ben huffed. “Doesn´t mean I don´t love it!” Ben looked at you. “And to be honest, he really was resilient. I was reading 4 scripts at the time and had no desire to read a book in between. Tom read some parts to me while we were on a press tour together and I was intrigued.” Ben took the seat to your other side and smiled. “So, here I am!”

 Yeah, there he was….and there YOU were, sitting in the middle of Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch watching them bicker with each other like one would watch a tennis game. You probably had whiplash by the end of the day.

 3 hours later you had not only a dooming whiplash lurking for you around the corner but also a skin that felt to tight for all the feelings 2 of the most beautiful voices on earth made you feel by speaking out words you had written. You blew out a breath and stood.

“Can we catch a short break, please?!” Not awaiting an answer, you walked out into the little garden and took a deep breath. Leaning against a tree you closed your eyes and tried to calm your senses.

Not ready for the “Everything alright (Y/N)?” That hit your system like a wildfire and made goose bumps rise on your arms. The soft touch to your hand shot another jolt through it. Opening your eyes to look into purest blue with a hint of concern in them you mustered a nod.

“Just needed some fresh air….” Tom raised a brow and looked inquiringly at you. “Try again!” He said. Closing your eyes and sliding down the tree trunk you sat in the grass.

“I was not prepared to hear my words coming out of your mouth like that!”

 Tom looked confused but sat down next to you with less space you were equipped to handle just now. “Did I get the words wrong?” He asked and continued to look at you. You instantly shook your head. “No! NO! You got them right! Very, very right. It hit me right here!” You put your hand above your heart and looked into his eyes. Tom began to smile. Slowly he took hold of your hand and guided it onto his chest.  “Your book hit me right here too, so it is my duty to get the words out in a way that makes you feel them like I felt reading them!” His warm hand captured your hand between his and his chest. You felt his heart beating in a steady rhythm that was soothing and thrilling at the same time. His eyes held yours in a soft but deep gaze before you had to look away, fixing your stare onto your touching hands. Tom smiled to himself and put a wayward strand of hair behind your ear with his fingertips. “Should I mess up for the last pages?” He asked with a little laugh in his voice.

 Your gaze shot up and you narrowed your eyes. “Are you trying to mock me?” Tom grinned and held up both his hands which made your hand slide down his chest a little before you retreated it.

“Actually, I have something else on my mind entirely…”

Now it was you looking inquiringly at him but Tom only grinned and stood up, holding out his hands to help you to your feet. “Let´s get back inside…” You took his hands and Tom tugged a little to hard. By the way he grinned it was very much deliberately done as he grabbed you with one arm to steady you after you hit his chest with yours. “Oops…”

You had no control over your reaction to it, you just acted and pinched his side. “Ooops!” You said too and walked back inside for another hour of sensual voice torture! Tom stared after you and grinned. Yes, there was chemistry between the both of you. Very much so! He had not only imagined it after the dinner the both of you had shared some weeks ago.

 The rest of the meeting went by with him trying to rill you up with his voice and seemingly accidentally touching your hand, back, leg whenever he got the chance and you throwing him glares and pinching his leg under the table. Ben was trying his best not to grin when he made you lean more towards Tom by grabbing Toms bottle of water. “Sorry. Mines empty!”

Damn them!

 In the evening of this day your phone signalled a message.

 Tom: Good evening Darling! Just a warning: Voice message incoming. Tom

 You: How did you get my number?

 Tom: Darling, I am the co-producer *wink*

 The next incoming message was the voice message. You hit play and a soft, warm and very sexy voice read a passage of monologue from Matthew where he had written a letter to the missing part of his soul. God, his voice was heavenly. Bolder because of the physical distance between him and you you wrote.

 You: Are you trying to torture me?

 Tom: Absolutely not! I just wanted your input on how to express that part of the script!

 You could not help but visualize his smug grin while he typed that answer. Writing back, you to smiled.

 You: Was alright…

 Tom: Just alright?! One moment…

 4 minutes later another voice message came in. Same text spoken with a little more desperateness in the right spots.

 Tom: That better?

 You: a little…

 Tom: Are you trying to torture me?!

 You: Absolutely not!  I just wanted to give you input on how to express that part of the script!

 Another voice message came in.

 “Darling, I think you are paying me back for this afternoon.” His voice got a little deeper.

“I like your feistiness. For now, sleep well…” When you thought his voice could not get any sexier, he said “…be prepared for a one on one training tomorrow! Meet me in Regents Park, Queen Mary´s Rose Garden at 10am…” He had the audacity to chuckle low at the end of his message.

God, you were falling head first into the deep end!!

 The next morning you found yourself marvel at the beautiful flowers inside the garden when 2 big hands came around your back to enclose over your eyes.

“Hello Darling!” He said near your ear and you felt his heat radiating from his chest onto your back. Toms hands came to rest on your shoulders and softly turned you into a hug.

“Hey Tom!” You said and smiled up to him with a soft blush reddening your cheeks. Tom only slowly let go of you and took a deep breath.

“You gave me a sleepless night!”

He said with what should have been a stern look but ended in a grin.

“Serves you right for the stunts you pulled on me yesterday!” Tom laughed and shrugged innocently. “I do not know what you are talking about!”

“Well, then I too don´t know what you are implying!” You started to walk before adding.

“You needed private teaching for Matthews letters to the lost part of his soul?”

 Tom watched you and said under his breath “I need private teaching in a lot of things where you are concerned!”  before saying loud enough for you to hear. “Yes…I do hope you have cleared your schedule for today!” Smiling you walked the gardens and Tom and you eased into a conversation about Matthew and his letters for starters. Somewhere in between Tom had softly taken your hand into his while walking deeper into the vibrant flowers to find a hidden bench that was in the heart of the garden. You could not recall how long the both of you sat on that bench, but it was a while. Your conversation all about work, but your body language was talking about something else entirely. Tom flung one of his long legs behind you, resting it on the bench to tug you in between and against his chest. “Ok?” He asked softly and stroked down one arm to let it come to rest against your belly. You nodded and slowly got comfortable in his arms while he continued the conversation as if nothing personal was happening just now. After a while Tom took a deeper breath and asked.

“Will you be on set for the whole leg of filming?”

You turned your head slightly to be able to look at him.

“I don´t know yet, why?”

Tom smiled a little and said. “I do like your company…” A soft laugh escaped you before you answered. “Well, they way we are sitting on this bench does not allow me to differ with your statement!” Tom chuckled and winked playfully before tugging you even closer against his chest.

 The next 3 weeks passed in much the same manner. Tom, whenever he was between filming scenes, found you wherever you where on set (mostly not far from him because it was wonderful to watch him act) to talk to you and share some physical contact. It differed between hugs, closeness in general and holding hands while walking to a different set. The two of you growing close and getting to know each other better and better. The way he brought Matthew to live was phenomenal. He carried the scenes with such ease and deep knowing of the character that you only could watch in awe. Never did he struggle to give the emotional depth needed, he literally poured his heart into this film as you had poured your heart into the book.

 The last day of filming started pretty early as you needed to be in a particular street in London. This was the last big scene. The scene where Matthew found the missing part of his soul, the one he had given up a lifetime ago. The frame was set to see Tom walking towards the camera with an intense gaze, the closer he came the more you could see that he was watching something with tears in his eyes, with a sense of understanding that THIS had kept on drawing him closer and closer. His stare made place for a slow spreading smile that lit up his whole face before he stepped out of the shot and towards the part of his soul.

 Tom watched the material shot so far and was in a deep discussion with the director as you entered the tent that was set up to watch the screens. “I don´t think that this is the ending this film needs. The book gives away what he has been searching for the whole time…” Tom said and the director considered his words carefully. “I thought it would be better to leave it open for interpretation, but I do get what you are saying. Let´s do an alternate version with your ideas!”

Tom nodded and grinned as he saw you coming closer. “There you are. I need your help!”

He grabbed your hand and tugged you to the make-up section and sat you down in a chair.

“I need you to act as my counterpart. The part I walk towards to.”

You stared at him with wide open eyes. “I can´t act! I am a writer!”

Tom smiled. “Just concentrate on me, look into my eyes the whole time. You know the characters better than anyone. You can do it!”

 Before you could say anything else you got prepped and pampered. Half an hour later Tom walked with you onto set. “See this red X? That´s your comfort zone!” He grinned as you shot him a dirty look. “Just stay there and think about her and Matthew finally finding each other again.”

Tom walked back to his spot and concentrated for a moment before nodding to the director. This scene was shot from to sides. Toms and yours. Tom walked towards you with wonder and emotion in his gaze. You could feel your own throat close up as you thought about the characters that you knew so well, how they finally got to be together again. Matthew gave up a part of his soul to keep her alive, his soulmate, only to lose all knowledge of her until their paths crossed again and he would FEEL deep inside himself that she was it!

 Tom stood now directly before you. A tear dropped out of his eyes but the smile he gave you was the brightest you have ever seen on a human. A shaking hand touched your cheek while you stared up into his eyes. The breath he took in was trembling. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours while your arms came around his waist. Tom opened his eyes and smiled before his head tilted to the side and slowly closed the distance to find your lips with his. The director yelled cut.

Tom took in a sharp breath and looked into your eyes intensely.  

“That was brilliant, the both of you did great!” The director said but Tom held up his hand and said

“Give us a moment please!” His eyes never let go of yours. Your hands fisted in his shirt as your whole body tingled because of his gaze, his touch, his nearness.

“Darling, I need to do this again…as me, as Tom!” He breathed and dipped his head again.

 Your lips met and the same tingling sensation now started where your lips met and shot like a lightning strike through your system.  Toms hand waved itself through your hair to the back of your head. He pressed you closer and your lips parted in a soft gasp. He took it as an invitation and let his tongue slip in to play with yours in a soft tangle of wet strokes and playful teases before he gaspingly broke loose. “I have wanted to do that for weeks!” he rasped and grinned. You started to chuckle and rested your head against his chest to hide your blush. But yeah, you felt the same!!

 Weeks later you nervously walked the red carpet at the premier of the movie. Ben had accompanied you for a little part of it as well as the director. Some meters ahead you saw Tom giving an interview. He looked so good in his suit. Your attention on him before a reporter started to bombard you with questions. “It must be wonderful to see your vision come to life on screen! How do you feel? Is this film doing justice to your book?”

Smiling because you finally knew an answer to a question you laughed.

“I am very happy with the result, the director and the producers as well as the whole cast did an amazing job staying true to the book and adapting it without much loss of its essence.”

Tom joined you and gave you a bright smile as you praised the work.

“Let me tell you, without (Y/N) being involved in writing the script we probably would have done a lot worse.” You laughed out loud but rolled your eyes. “He´s to damn modest!”

The interviewer grinned and shot another question at you.

“You have a tip for any aspiring writer out there?”

Thinking for a moment you said.

“Never give up…and put your heart into your work! I poured my heart into this book”

Tom grinned and said while turning you into his arms.

“And I was the one who picked it up!”

Before everybody, every camera, every person who was watching you he tilted you back and gave you a kiss that left no question about who you were to him!

Whispering against your lips he grinned.

“I intend to keep it. Not only Matthew got his happy end…I did too!”

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[betty9us-blog]

Recently, mailboxes from all regions of the world have received a mysterious email from the geek “Blue Ghost”. In the digital currency circle, it has become the hottest topic, the node community is constantly being established, and the mail information content is exploding facebook. Insiders are curious about this extremely mysterious message.

Who are they? What is their purpose? All these answers will become clearer as we go into the in-depth analysis.

“We are a group of blockchain geeks, the ghost of the deep sea, the messenger of Poseidon. We hate the injustice of the real world! Love the earth, in order to restore the beauty of the past, by the call of Poseidon, gathered on the network Together, we will use blockchain technology to unite with global geeks to build an independent, decentralized and powerful marine ecological value platform to build the world’s most powerful new digital financial system.”

It can be known from the above email information that this is a declaration issued by the blockchain network geek alliance. Their mission is to unite global geeks and use blockchain technology to build an independent, decentralized marine ecological value. They called on humanity to break the old world and create a new world system that is decentralized. This new system will sweep the digital ocean ecology of the world and realize the secondary distribution and revolution of wealth. Everyone will participate in it. As long as they become ocean nodes, they can enjoy the gifts of the ecosystem fairly and fairly. The wealth of the ocean will be automatically and fairly distributed to each participant. The assets of all participants will be 100 times! Thousand times! Even a million times increase!

This reporter will dig deeper into the hidden information behind the incident and track the progress of the incident. An overall interpretation of this anonymous mailing. I believe that after reading the readers, the understanding of this incident will be deeper.

“PON” is a low-level, decentralized blockchain underlying technology platform for the world. Link the global marine ecological value through the privacy social and evolutionary system of ocean nodes. The nodes send information data through the distributed information network, and the combustion energy pool promotes the circulation and transaction of the marine energy “Gaia” (GAIA) to realize the value conversion of the marine ecology. Therefore, marine protection is more scientific and more effective, so that protecting the ocean is no longer a “public interest” and slogan, but transforming “marine ecological protection” into an opportunity to create wealth.

Simply speaking, PON is a technical application of blockchain marine ecological value. Does it bring opportunities to create the times? Can you really create a new era of wealth distribution?

We first explored the technological innovation of PON. It is an ecological balance system developed by blockchain geeks using blockchain technology as the underlying foundation. A marine ecological consensus mechanism based on the technical characteristics of blockchain and distributed intelligent contracts. With the global ocean nodes as the basic governance structure, it can be used for marine protection. It is written by 13-level intelligent contracts to guarantee the evolution mechanism of ocean nodes, and is not interfered by “centralization”. Borderless circulation drives the incremental value of species crowdfunding. Thereby achieving a virtuous circle of decentralization, technology, efficiency and perseverance of the marine ecological balance system. PON provides account, authentication, database, asynchronous communication, and program scheduling on tens of thousands of CPUs or clusters. The ultimate form of the technology is a blockchain architecture that can support millions of transactions per second, while the average user does not have to pay for usage.

The current blockchain underlying architecture is still far from the real large-scale commercial application, mainly in the slow transfer speed of the block network, high cost, poor system concurrent processing capability, poor stability, data storage and security defects. This is the problem that the underlying technology of the blockchain needs to solve. These problems cannot be solved, and commercial applications are just empty talk. The PON is born out of the world, and its technology has perfectly solved the problem of the underlying technology of the blockchain. Therefore, it is necessary to become a blockchain eco-finance body that can truly support a large number of commercial-grade applications.

From the technical characteristics of the PON blockchain application technology, it is possible to analyze the innovation of its technology. The following conclusions can be drawn:

1. Improve the scalability of the underlying architecture and avoid hard forks As a decentralized operating system, it is a crucial issue to maintain consensus when divergence occurs and to maintain iterations while avoiding hard forks. In the blockchain, the underlying code is equivalent to the real law. There are bugs in the code that cannot be avoided. If there is no way to fix the bug on the underlying platform of a blockchain, it will be a terrible thing to lose the trust of the user. The previous BTC and ETH have had bifurcation problems. Because of the rate expansion and network congestion, the BTC has not been able to reach a consensus. So far, a variety of fork coins have appeared. The ETH is mainly due to the DAO hacking incident, causing fierce debate in the community, and finally forked into two chains of ETH and ETC.

The PON solves this problem from the overall architectural design. PON’s binding contract is equivalent to the “constitution” to the clear definition of the entire platform: in the operation of the block, when the system is wrong, it can distinguish whether the error is a bug according to the readability intention, and to judge Is the community repaired correctly? With this mechanism, if new technologies emerge in the future, they can be easily added to the PON system, which is beneficial to system upgrade and iteration.

For example, when a hacker event like the previous DAO occurs in the PON, 21 nodes in the system will act quickly, freeze the hacker account, and then adopt the most effective processing method by voting, unlike the previous ETH because of the inability to agree. A hard fork occurs.

From this point of view, PON is very advantageous in terms of stability and scalability compared to existing underlying architecture systems.

2, users free to use network resources For Ethereum, GAS fees are required for each calculation, storage operation, and bandwidth usage in the transaction. Moreover, these necessary expenses are fluctuating and can be set by the user to a very high price, because miners always prioritize transactions that give high fees, resulting in an increase in ETH with new projects. The cost of network use is also constantly improving.

In contrast, PON adopts the ownership model. If you have the corresponding proportion of tokens, you have the right to use the corresponding proportion of network resources for free. For you, the transaction will be zero cost.

3, high security, avoid DOS attacks DOS attacks are a common and highly harmful attack in many network attack technologies. It consumes system resources and blocks network bandwidth through various means, which makes normal network services paralyzed. In recent years, the Ethereum network has proven to be very susceptible to DOS attacks.

Its token is equivalent to the ownership of network resources, users can only use the corresponding proportion of network resources. Therefore, DOS attackers can only use the bandwidth resources of their PON tokens to form a natural institutional barrier, so that DOS attacks can only appear on an application, but these attacks will never damage the entire network. Therefore, PON has designed to improve the security of the entire base chain.

Through the above analysis, it is not difficult to conclude that from the perspective of architecture design, PON has the potential to become a financial value body capable of supporting a large number of commercial applications.

To assess the success or failure of a project, it is also necessary to evaluate the value of the ecology it is assigned to.

PON is a blockchain infrastructure or an ecological architecture. If it can realize the infrastructure that will protect the future marine ecological resources, it is an investment target with sufficient imagination for investors.

The so-called ecosystem should include a good underlying architecture (performance, speed, security, compatibility, etc.), a reasonable consensus mechanism, a rich variety of applications, a large number of users combined, and coordinated operation with each other, smooth cooperation.

If the whole ecosystem of PON is compared to the ocean, the underlying PON is equivalent to the original species of this ocean. GAIA is equivalent to the energy needed for the evolution of ecological species. When GAIA produces enough energy, it will evolve various kinds. Primitive ecological species. If we cooperate with a good biological evolution system (consensus mechanism), it will certainly attract the influx of marine protectors (users) and eventually form a prosperous marine ecosystem.

From the perspective of investment, an ecological architecture project with blockchain characteristics as the bottom layer, in addition to considering the basic conditions of its technology and performance, whether it can build a set of prosperous ecosystem in the future is our consideration of its long-term value. core. Whether the PON consensus algorithm is consistent with the development trend of the blockchain industry, it also largely determines the speed of construction of the entire ecosystem in the future. It can be seen that different understandings and arguments about the algorithm mechanism will exist for a long time. As investors, it is also necessary to effectively judge the future investment trend.

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

311: How Accepting Your Mortality Sets You Free to Live More Deeply

"The world is already broken. And what's true of the state of civilization is equally true of your life: it was always already the case that you would never experience a life of perfect accomplishment or security. And your four thousand weeks have always been running out. It's a revelation, though: when you begin to internalize all this even just a bit, the result is not despair, but an energizing surge of motivation . . . You realize that you never really needed the feeling of complete security you'd previously felt so desperate to attain. This is liberation." —Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time management for mortals

Admittedly, the length of a human life is short when we take the long view of civilization, so it is understandable for us to make the most of our time. However, in so doing, we often go about 'making the most of it' in unhelpful, counter-intuitive ways.

Oliver Burkeman wrote a long-running and award-winning weekly column for The Guardian up until last year. He is also the author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, and so after reading his final column for The Guardian, and the synopsis for his first book, I had an idea of his frank, yet considered and sincere approach to what he shares with his readers. Four Thousand Weeks is not your typical time management book.

Thank goodness.

It is a book to open our eyes to the reality of our mortality, no matter how much we may profess we accept that we will die, we demonstrate through our actions, how we live, we may not have fully absorb this life truth. But don't worry, Burkeman shares in his introduction, his objective is to write a book that helps each of us "redress the balance [of our finite time on this planet and engage productively with fellow citizens, current events and the fate of the environment]—to see if we can't discover, or recover, some ways of thinking about time that do justice to our real situation: to the outrageous brevity and shimmering possibilities of our four thousand weeks."

I have pulled ten tips he shares about how to live more deeply, and thus more contentedly in our everydays and thus our entire life; however, there is much more in the book and I highly recommend reading it in its entirety. Let's take a look at the list.

0. Understand the truth about time management of our finite amount

"Productivity is a trap. Becoming more efficient just makes you more rushed, and trying to clear the decks simply makes them fill up again faster."

What Burkeman does well throughout his book is balance each assertion, especially ones that may throw you off-guard initially, with the counter argument, and in his awareness, he brings the truth of our humanness on this earth to the forefront for each of us to do with as we see fit, however, now not ignorantly.

When we finally accept that our to-do lists will not be checked off entirely, when we acknowledge we can't plan with an ever-more-perfect planning system (you know what I am talking about - the right amount of boxes, lines, highlighter colors, tabs, etc.) to bring more contentment into our lives, "at long last" we can turn "to the things life is really supposed to be about."

As many listeners/readers know, I have used a planner nearly all of my life since I was a teenager and still do, and I have yet to find a planning system that works perfectly. And what I mean by perfectly is that I can plan my life to run smoothly, productively, and happily each and everyday. I cannot achieve this or find the particular planning system that will help me do this, because it will never exist. What does exist is each of us, for a short amount of time - approximately (if we are lucky) four thousand weeks. What will you do with your time?

Just asking that question, feels as though pressure has been placed on our shoulders, which is why Burkeman begins with his assertion about productivity being a trap and then, in each subsequent chapter, offers insights for enjoying most fully your life. Because when we take on the pressure of 'making our lives count', we do ourselves and our present being a disservice that undercuts what we say we are trying to do - live well.

Let's take a look at ten approaches to, once accepting consciously ourselves as mortal, living fully, without distraction, in each present moment as a way to achieve great contentment in our everydays.

1.Acceptance of our short lives is a cause for relief

"You get to give up on something that was always impossible—the quest to become the optimized, infinitely capable, emotionally invincible, fully independent person you're officially supposed to be. Then you get to roll up your sleeves and start work on what's gloriously possible instead."

I want to start with the primary acceptance the book urges us to take because I have a feeling what we are seeking when errantly, but with good intentions, try to 'make the most of our lives', is a life that when we go to bed at night, our mind is at peace. The peace you are seeking will not come, not fully, not completely, until you accept your own mortality and give up the quest to be a better you, a more optimized you, a more invincible you who does everything right in the eyes of the society you are trying to please. Put that responsibility down. It is not yours to carry.

2. Shift how you see and define time. In fact, let go of defining it.

"Once time is a resource to be used, you start to feel pressure, whether from external forces or from yourself, to use it well, and to berate yourself when you feel you've wasted it."

Burkeman calls accepting the definition of time as a resource is a rigged game 'in which it's impossible ever to feel as though you're doing well enough'. Why? Because it pulls us away from the present moment as we are doing something we think will make tomorrow better, and thereby our eventual present better, but look at that again. When we are tending to tasks to help out our future, we are never in the present. "Leading a life spent leaning into the future, worrying about whether things will work out, experiencing everything in terms of some later, hoped-for benefit", robs of us of our lives because we are actually never in the present living them. Ultimately, we are living on the surface of life, and negating the possibility to experience what Burkeman calls 'deep time': that sense of timeless time which depends on forgetting the abstract yardstick and plunging back into the vividness of reality instead. In other words, we need to let ourselves find moments of 'flow' where time seems to stop (it never actually does, we all know this), but we are not checking the clock, we are wholly present in the moment and absorbed with the task, the conversation, the moment, the view, the painting, the music, whatever it might be. We need more of these moments to deepen the quality of our everyday lives.

All of this is to say, we need to let go. We need to do some planning (Burkeman acknowledges it's not a bad thing to plan for retirement, our child's college, how to earn money to pay your bills), but we take is so much farther than the necessities. We need to let go, so we can be in the present fully and enjoy this awesome thing called life we have been given - how lucky (and really, there is so much luck, so much we have absolutely control over) are we to be given the opportunity to live four thousand weeks?

3. Don't treat your life as a vehicle to a future state of happiness

"To treat all these moments [the last time of doing anything] solely as stepping-stones to some future moment is to demonstrate a level of obliviousness to our real situation that would be jaw-dropping if it weren't for the fact that we all do it, all the time."

Pointing out that 'rich people in capitalist economies are often surprisingly miserable' even though they are experts at 'instrumentalizing their time, for the purpose of generating wealth for themselves . . . they end of treating their lives in the present moment as nothing but a vehicle in which to travel toward a future state of happiness." But before we bash on capitalists and those with great wealth, they are behaving in the same way most of us are when we choose to use time in an instrumental way - a tool to attain something and not to be wasted: "a feeling of being in omnipotent control of our lives."

The shift needs to occur with what was discussed in #2. We need to let go. We need to be brave by choosing to be present in our lives. Yes, if we are so fortunate, we will live our tomorrow and the next tomorrow, but the present is all we have each and every day. If we are so busy, saving and working and strategizing for a better tomorrow, a more secure tomorrow, we are actually not living. We aren't actually loving. There is no depth. The quality of living has been dismissed as a waste of time, but the reality is, all we have is time in the present. That is all that is guaranteed. Don't miss out on life.

4. Improve the skill of being present, being mindful

"A more fruitful approach to the challenge of living more fully in the moment starts from noticing that you are, in fact, always already living in the moment anyway, whether you like it or not."

Desiring to live in the present, while a great start, is not enough to hold you in the present and enable you to live fully. As Burkeman writes, "To try to live in the moment implies that you're somehow separate from 'the moment,' and thus in a position to either succeed or fail at living in it." The reality is you are always and were always and will always be of the moment to begin with as the above quote reminds. So how do we do what we likely accept we need to do after listening so far to this podcast, reading Burkeman's book and reflecting on moments in our lives when we were present and experienced great joy, we let go of expectations of what any moment 'should' be, and let ourselves just be in the moment. Not on the sidelines watching, but immersing ourselves. For example, Burkeman shares how when we go to a museum, if we are taking out our phone and videotaping or capturing the paintings with our phone, we are not present. Instead, we are capturing something for a future moment. The same applies to a moment where you are not pulling out your phone, yet hoping something occurs that 'would make your to-do/bucket list complete'. Set the expectations aside, engage with what is and who is present. Take it all in. Be who you are and set yourself free to savor what transpires.

If there is one area of weakness in this book, it was this chapter, Chapter 8 - You Are Here. What makes presence hard is it is a skill, and we have to practice it. Practice it to progress our abilities to do it seemingly naturally in every day and every moment of our lives. It will not just happen, as it took conditioning since we were young children the moment we were told to pass this class so we can step forward into the next grade, middle school success for beneficial high school placement in different courses, and then on to colleges. It will take time to shed the conditioning that feels engrained, but it is indeed something we learned. That is the good news.

I guess part of why I challenge his assertions in this particular chapter was while it brought to the forefront a truth to accept, it dismissed it as nearly impossible to achieve. Claiming that as humans, we have an extreme aversion to being present. But as a listener/reader of the podcast/blog, I know you know that is not true. Our temperaments may aid or make more difficult holding ourselves fully in the present, but so do, and more significantly, our upbringings, the nurturing we received, what was modeled, taught, expected. It is my hope that by living simply luxuriously, we witness first-hand how our everydays are elevated when we hold ourselves in the present, we remain conscious and we savor the simple beauty in seemingly quotidian events, objects, sights, etc..

5. The crutch of distraction

"Rather than taking ownership of our lives, we seek out distractions, or lose ourselves in busyness and the daily grind, so as to try to forget our real predicament [that we are mortal beings]."

The distractions from technology, keeping a busy schedule, not spending regular time with ourselves, actually do the opposite of what we are seeking. Assuming we are seeking a life of contentment, partaking in distraction holds our life experience on the surface. "It's only by facing our finitude that we can step into a truly authentic relationship with life." When we accept, consciously accept, that our time is limited, the motivation builds to 'finally become truly present in our lives'. Let's not wait any longer, shall we?

"What you pay attention to will define, for you, what reality is."

By letting ourselves be distracted by the alerts, the scrolling on free apps that actually use us as the commodity, the [whatever you look to to pull you away from what you don't want to do, or don't want to explore that will deepen your life experience], not choosing is actually happening, and this is how we deny our finitude as human beings. One more point to help inspire you to rethink how you use your time online when you do go online. "The attention economy is designed to prioritize whatever's most compelling—instead of whatever's most true, or most useful—it systematically distorts the picture of the world we carry in our heads at all times. It influences our sense of what matters, what kinds of threats we face . . . and all these distorted judgments then influence how we allocate our offline time as well." The misstep however, when we do accept that distractions are not in our best interest is to become busier and fill every minute with something on a to-do list, but that would be the wrong correction. Let's step into #6 to better understand how to not creep back into busyness.

6. Reduce, instead of manage your obligations and activities vying for your time

"Most productivity experts act merely as enablers of our time troubles, by offering ways to keep on believing it might be possible to get everything done . . . but it's a lie."

Being honest and clear-eyed about your priorities, eliminating the 'middling priorities' as Warren Buffet describes them, those priorities are 'seductive enough to distract you from the ones that matter most', ensures what matters to you receives your full attention. However, this is where many of us hesitate - if I let go of this item on my list, that path is no longer part of my life journey. But by holding all of your items on your list, none of them receive your full attention, your full presence, and life is not actually lived, at least not well or deeply. As Burkeman shares in his inclusion of Kafka, 'he yearned to live more than one life.' And the reality is, we only have one life. We must make decisions, let go, be present and savor the life we have.

7. Celebrate the ironic truth of taking action - the calm ensues

"In consciously making a commitment, [you're] closing off [your] fantasies of infinite possibilities in favor of the joy of missing out (JOMO). This is also why it can be so unexpectedly calming to take actions you'd been fearing or delaying—to finally hand in your notice at work, become a parent, address a festering family issue, or close on a house purchase. When you can no longer turn back, anxiety falls away, because now there's only one direction to travel: forward into the consequences of your choice."

What I appreciate immensely about Burkeman's voice is his use of words such as 'consequences' that on the surface hold a negative connotation. What he presents is what we assume and why we fail to make a choice, but the beautiful reality is when choose, when we finally commit, we give ourselves so much more.

8. We cannot know and so we must let go of trying to control

"Worry, at its core, is the repetitious experience of a mind attempting to generate a feeling of security about the future, failing, then trying again and again and again—as if the very effort of worrying might somehow help forestall disaster. The fuel behind worry, in other words, is the internal demand to know, in advance, that things will turn out fine . . . But the struggle for control over the future is a stark example of our refusal to acknowledge our built-in limitations when it comes to time, because it's a fight the worrier obviously won't win. You can never be truly certain about the future. And so your reach will always exceed your grasp."

Burkeman again shares that it is not a bad idea to plan for example the retirement that will come if we are so fortunate, or making time to go vote in order to improve the chances for the future we wish to see turn out, the problem, that which causes anxiety, "is the need that we feel, from our vantage point here in the present moment, to be able to know that those efforts will prove successful." His example to explain his point is helpful. "It's a recipe for a life of unending stress to insist that you must be able to feel certain, now, that this is how your relationship is definitely going to unfold in the future." In other words, let go of needing to be reassured. The only thing, or in this case, person that can provide reassurance is you to yourself, telling yourself that you are doing the best and will do your best and whatever happens, you will navigate through to the best of your ability. You are not being the victim, you are not reacting, you are being present, observing, setting your boundaries, but not forcing someone else to place their's in a certain place. I like to return to a previous podcast episode (#301) from last season - tend to your tasks and let others tend to theirs.

9. Refrain from taking planning too far

"But planning is an essential tool for constructing a meaningful life, and for exercising our responsibilities toward other people. The real problem isn't planning. It's that we take our plans to be something they aren't."

Burkeman succinctly describes what plans are and all that they can be in our lives even if we may want them to be more, "a present-moment statement of intent." He goes on to say with his cheeky humor, "The future, of course, is under no obligation to comply." And that is where the letting go must happen, that is where the magic of life happens, the unexpected, the never-could-have-imagined, the gift that makes life what it is, the tragedy of life, yes, but in those moments, we are reminded blatantly of our mortality, and if nothing else, it should wake us up to living more fully in the present each and every day, tending only to our tasks and letting others tend to theirs and savoring all that is around us.

10. Give up hope and elevate your life

"[Giving up hope] in a certain sense does kill you. It kills the fear-driven, control-chasing, ego-dominated version of you—the one who cares intensely about what others think of you, about not disappointing anyone or stepping too far out of line, in case the people in charge find some way to punish you for it later. 'You find, that the civilized you died. The manufactured, fabricated, stamped, molded you died. The victim died.' and the 'you' that remains is more alive than before."

The paradox of giving up hope for a better anything, a perfect anything, is Burkeman writes, when you confront things as they really are, 'you're open enough to let all the good things in more fully, too, on their own terms, instead of trying to use them to bolster your need to know that everything will turn out fine."

Perhaps the better phrase as opposed to giving up hope is to let go and immerse yourself in the everyday as it is and as you choose to be in the moment. Burkeman talks directly, and his voice takes time to understand that his desired outcome is to help his readers discover how to live a more fulfilling life, but indeed it is. We can step out of our way, that is what we do have control over, and his book aims to help us understand that we need to if we are going to savor the life we have and not spend it in the future, or working toward a future that will not make us any more content than we can be right now. I simplify this a bit, so I recommend checking out his entire book, but essentially, once you have the essentials - your health, a roof, a safe place, an income that provides for the necessities (keeping this in check as often what we define as a necessity expands with our income growth), holding yourself in each day, each moment, engaging with it, letting go of expectation and trying to control the outcomes will find you far more at peace and experiencing a much more exuberant and magical life.

~Purchase Oliver Burkeman's book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals (August 2021)

~Visit Oliver Burkeman's website.

~Subscribe to TSLL's free weekly, monthly or daily newsletter here.

~Explore becoming a Member of TSLL Community and enjoy TSLL blog ad-free, unlimited reading and access to exclusive content.

Petit Plaisirs

Only Murders in the Building, series on Hulu

The Chair, series on Netflix starring Sandra Oh

View more Petit Plaisirs here.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #311

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

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[sl-walker]

I am just pickled enough to do this.  So, let’s do this.

The AU that no one could ever have imagined before I made the mistake...

... the awesome mistake...

...the decision to write SioF.

So, it goes like this.

The Republic has a problem with understanding the requirements of juvenile offenders, which is why they keep somehow ending up in the general prison population instead of, you know, in a juvie rehab facility.  (Lookin’ at you, Boba, you poor little duck.)  Sometime around the age of thirteen, fourteen, they ended up with this half-zabrak who killed three guys in a highly illegal gladiatorial combat ring, but instead of doing the thing that would make sense, like maybe treating the kid with decency, they pretty much just throw him in prison.

There is actually some surprising interest in this nobody nightbrother teenager; the senator of Naboo, for instance, petitions for his release, but that doesn’t matter because he ends up killed in a mysterious airspeeder accident.  Hego Demask pointedly does not show an interest.

The kid survives half a dozen assassination attempts, and ends up maiming the inmates who tried, never mind causing some real damage to a guard or two.  By now, the Republic is probably never, ever going to let him go.  Luckily for them, a new breakthrough by an independent laboratory funded by the IBC has come up with a way to paralyze the midichlorians of Force users for a time and has given the drug to the Republic-- for a price.  Hey, research isn’t cheap!  The Jedi are really very pissed off about this, in a perfectly peaceful, serene and acceptable manner, but that cat’s out of the bag.

(We won’t talk about how Plagueis totally would direct a laboratory to release this and still make a damned profit on it, all at the same time.)

Speaking of the Jedi, it had been a Jedi observer who figured out that the kid who got convicted of killing people was Force sensitive, but despite their petition for custody, they were turned down.  Who knew what would have happened, but the Republic wasn’t willing to let him go.

So, a couple to few years pass.  Cut off from the Force, Maul gets rather subdued and despondent; he’s still more than capable of defending himself, but he has heard nothing from his Master, has no access to the senses he was born with and has relied on his whole life.  He basically marks time, but he doesn’t even really think about escape after awhile, because the reality of it sinks in: Where would he even go?  He’s horribly equipped to deal with the world, the only experience he has with interacting with it is Orsis, and let’s face it, there’s a difference between interacting with mercenary cadets and the public.

It’s a pretty miserable situation, basically.  Depression would be putting it mildly.  He might not even exist, in any real sense of the word.

Meanwhile, though, there’s a bill being floated by Bail Antilles, on the urging of any number of civilized systems, to improve prison conditions in the Republic.  It’s purely happenstance (unless it’s the will of the Force, but let’s not get too flighty) that Bail Organa is on Coruscant -- he’s on the board of directors for three different charities and that involves travelling sometimes for various functions -- and that he’s visiting the Senator of Alderaan at a time when he ends up invited on the tour of the facilities.

Not too surprisingly, since this is my AU, he does catch a glance of the teenager hanging around the general population and, not shockingly, gets curious enough to ask questions.  Because Bail’s definitely not the kind of guy to just let things go.  He doesn’t get much, at first, but even though he’s not even thirty yet, he’s been raised as the heir to a major player house on Alderaan and indeed, in the Republic, so he definitely has his connections and so he’s able to get a bunch of information even the Jedi couldn’t.

This takes months.  His eventual petitioning for Maul’s parole takes several more.  But Bail is persistent, from a powerful family, from a rich family, so eventually he gets what he wants, which is a paroled half-zabrak.

Maul has literally no idea what the hell is going on.

No, really.  This is out of the blue for him.  He was fully expecting to spend the rest of what was shaping up to be a very short life in prison, all connection to the Force numbed, until someone managed to off him.  He does not expect probation.  And who is this really unnecessarily large human who won it for him.  And why?

But this is how Maul ends up on Alderaan.  Lost isn’t even the word for it; is there a stronger word than lost?  Because whatever word that is, that might come within a few parsecs.  Maybe.

He gets his sense of the Force back, but he’s become so accustomed to doing without that he doesn’t feel anything about the return of it; not triumph, not hope, not anything.

He really has no idea how to live outside of someone else’s control.  Prison had just made that worse, so while he has plenty of opportunity to run away, it just-- doesn’t happen.  Again, where would he even go?  What good would it do him?  He’s a weapon, and a highly-specialized one, at that.  Beyond that fact, though, he’s been so adrift for years now, so shut-down, that he’s more like a walking ghost than a person.  Because if Mustafar was bad, if Orsis was structured, prison-- prison was devastatingly numbing and empty.

This does not get better quickly, either.  He just keeps marking time, waiting to go back to prison, or for his master to reclaim him, or for direction.  Something.

Meanwhile, House Organa isn’t one hundred percent thrilled with their prodigal son, given they have this convict under their roof and protection, but it’s a mixed bag and frankly, Alderaan has a very long history of taking in refugees and those who have no home.  And Bail has more than enough force of personality to keep Maul around, even if he serves no purpose at all, except to haunt the grounds like the ghost he is.

That isn’t to say Bail doesn’t care.  But while he holds a degree in political science and has been involved in some form of public service since before he even has memory, he’s never in his life had to actually rehabilitate anyone.  He’s out of his depth, so he mostly just tries to muddle through it; once a day or so, he goes and asks Maul how he is, how he’s doing, and sits with him for awhile even when it seems to make no difference.

One hundred percent of the time, he doesn’t get an answer.  Only about thirty percent of the time does he even get eye contact.

Bail might not know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t give up.  And honestly, he’s prepared for the idea that House Organa might just end up playing host to a specter forever; even then, Bail is pretty sure it beats prison.

The first thing Maul says -- literally the first thing he says, he’s been silent for months and months -- when Bail one day asks him how he is, is “I don’t know.”  It’s just barely above a whisper.  And this poor kid hasn’t even heard his adult voice yet; this is the first time.

Later, though, he remembers the day with shocking clarity; they are on the estate, near the stream running through the heart of it hard and fast; it’s summer and the sky is bright and clear, and it smells good here, clean and alive and since he has gotten his Force senses back, he can feel the echoes of generations of this family on this property; of their loves and sorrows and hopes and fears.  Of course, he isn’t a part of it, but maybe that’s why he says anything.

The second thing he asks is, “Why am I here?”

The third thing he asks is, “What am I here for?”

Bail has no good answers, but he takes each word as some kind of gift.  Somewhere along the line, he got invested.  He has no good answers, because really, Maul isn’t here for anything.  But despite not having any good answers, or even any answers at all, he cares a hell of a lot.

Once their ghost becomes a little less of a ghost, they get him a tutor; he’s shockingly well educated, but there are also shocking gaps in that education.  Maul, on the other hand, is a rather diligent student because this, at least, is something he can understand.

The first time he goes from being a ghost to being alive, present, he gives Bail one helluva black eye.  The panic attack seems to blow in out of nowhere like a storm; one minute that mostly numb calm, the next the floodgates open, and he’s properly in his skin, and it’s more than he can cope with.  Bail just reaches out to offer a bracing hand on the shoulder and gets hit so hard he ends up on his back, clutching his face.  Maul doesn’t know what set him off, but he never wants to feel that way again.

However, this is the first panic attack, but nowhere near the last.

In between, there is a lot of pacing.  Maul does run once; something in his head snaps and he makes for the spaceport.  But the same problem he had before is still there: Where would he even go?

There’s another problem, too, though: There’s this unnecessarily large human who cares about him and who has never tried to hold him prisoner -- indeed, has gone to great lengths to get him out of prison -- and if there is one thing that Maul has never had before but has always wanted, deep in the core of himself, it was for someone, anyone, to believe in him.  And Bail does.

He goes back and that is the first and the last time he tries to bolt.

It’s also the first real choice he has ever made as an adult.

That does change things.  He engages more, if slowly and haltingly.  He still panics, still loses all orientation, still lashes out in that state despite not meaning to.  After he ends up giving poor Bail a concussion, he decides it’s time to train the man in self-defense.  Because while Bail learned very quickly to back away, the man still refuses to outright leave Maul alone in such a state, and the only way he won’t be a target will be if he can prevent himself from being a victim.

Bail doesn’t like Maul’s reasoning, but self-defense is useful in its own right.  He’s not entirely lacking in grace, but he grew incredibly fast and spent a few years as a genuine clutz, and even just past thirty, he still doesn’t always feel perfectly comfortable in his own skin.

Maul, though, is a shockingly good teacher.  In his element, he is confident and calm and skilled and he’s also incredibly patient.  It’s something even he didn’t expect to be, but it’s a comfortable fit.  

(He also ends up teaching more rudimentary self defense to Bail’s three sisters, but he isn’t sure they’re actually there to learn it.)

The years pass; by the time he is twenty, he is three years past the age of majority on Alderaan and has been declared rehabilitated by an independent Republic observer.  For the first time, he’s free, but he still stays with House Organa.  By now, he is firmly one of them, even if not officially speaking; this is his home, and he knows every inch of this estate, and he would defend it with his life.

It’s before this that he discovers an unexpected talent, though: He can make Bail Organa laugh.  Maul doesn’t even mean to, at first; it’s an accident, a matter-of-fact observation of a particularly stodgy dignitary visiting, and he’s actually startled when Bail starts laughing, hard enough to redden his face and make him wipe his eyes.

This rapidly becomes one of the top five things Maul enjoys in life.

He hones his wit like he would a blade; it comes naturally and really, all Maul needs to learn is the timing, to hit the exact moment he needs to, in order to have Bail curling around his own ribs.  He first learns to really laugh himself because he learns how to make Bail laugh.

Bail is observant.  But he doesn’t notice the way Maul starts watching him.  By now, they are not quite kin, but they are close; they are at least deeply friends, if in a nonstandard way.  For Bail, friendship is easy; for Maul, it is more like devotion.  Because while Bail has steadfastly refused to name what he’s for, Maul has learned how to make some decisions and Bail is one of them.

When he is twenty -- free and as close to okay as he has ever been in his relatively short life -- he sweeps Bail to the mat and pins him there, and there is nothing unintentional about this.  Bail -- who is usually steady, a solid sort of presence to the occasional firestorm Maul can be -- must sense some of the tenor of this; his dark eyes are wide and his heart is hammering so hard that Maul can feel the beat of it against his palms, where his hands are wrapped tight, but not bruising, around Bail’s wrists.

It’s such a strange feeling; it is predatory, but not.  And tender, too, in a way.  It’s a rush of heat and the urge to bite and the urge to soothe, all at once.  It’s not the first time Maul’s ever felt this, about this man, but it’s easily the strongest.

To Bail, this has never really crossed his mind; he hasn’t failed to notice how striking Maul is, because honestly anyone with eyes could notice that, but the thought of something other than friendship just hasn’t occurred.  There is thirteen years of age between them and while Bail has certainly been involved with people before, he has always known ultimately that he would marry for his House and that his life is one of service.  But he isn’t just pinned bodily, but by the intensity staring back at him, vivid gold and calculating, but so filled with adoration that it almost aches to be on the other side of it.

Maul asks, “Do you want me to let go?”

And Bail, at a whisper, shaken and feeling the whole world as he knows it shift invisibly under the foundations of his life, answers, “I don’t know.”

It’s an honest answer.  The best kind of answer is an honest one.  The desire doesn’t go away, and there’s nothing in Maul which hesitates, but the rush of warmth and softness is a real thing, and this is the first time he has ever kissed anyone.  He only has observation and want to go on, no practice or skill, but--

But it’s enough.

There’s more, obviously.  Like how that plays out.  And Breha.  And life.  But.  XD  I am pretty damn drunk by now -- forgive the typos -- so have one of the most unlikely pairings in SW and why I think it’d work out. XD  To start.

#maul #bail #and how i'd ship it #forgive any typos #i am definitely not sober #game of thrones: alderaan

[impactqa]

10 Best Performance (Load) Testing Tools in 2019

As every developer knows what works in the ideal scenario won’t work in the real-time scenario. That’s why you need the best load testing tools to help you track down bugs and performance bottlenecks to keep things running smoothly. Performance (Load) testing, one of many valuable test methods you can use before release to make sure that your application is bug-free and runs seamlessly.

Load testing is the procedure of testing whether an app can withstand a load of concurrent users, requests, and data volumes when in use. There are several load testing tools accessible today for all kinds of applications and organizations. These tests tool help in the process of determining the reliability, speed, interoperability, scalability, and effectiveness, of the program, system, network, computer, or application.

Why do we need Load Testing?

Load test reveals the significant improvements required before the product is launched in the market

Performance (Load) testing informs the stakeholders about the scalability, speed, and stability of their app

Load test, the kind of Performance Testing also ensures the software performance while various users are using it simultaneously

This type of testing also checks the inconsistency across multiple OS (operating system)

Below is a hand-picked list of Top 10 Load Testing Tools and the key features of each of them. The list includes both commercial and open-source performance testing tools with the latest features and download links.

Apache Jmeter Tool

It is an open-source performance testing tool that can be used for analyzing and measuring the performance of a variety of services. Apache JMeter is used for mobile and web service applications. It helps to measure and analyze the performance of a variety of services.

Core Features:

The open-source software that comes with an intuitive GUI

JMeter is a platform-independent tool written and developed using Java

Highly extensible & supports diverse server types as well as several protocols

Effortlessly run on any environment which accepts Java Virtual Machine (JVM)

Easy correlation through a capacity to extract data from famous response formats, XML, HTML, JSON, or any textual format

WebLoad Tool

WebLOAD is an enterprise-scale load analysis and testing tool. It is a mobile and web load testing tool from RadView Software. This tool features a complete Load Generation Console, IDE, & a sophisticated Analytics Dashboard. It combines integrity, scalability, and performance, as a single procedure for the verification of mobile and web apps.

Core Features:

Offered in the Cloud (SAAS) or as an On-Premises deployment

Flexible test scenario creation

Smart Scripting based native JavaScript with parametrization, powerful correlation, and validation engines

Supports an extensive range of mobile, web, and enterprise technologies and protocols

Automatic bottleneck detection

Simple-to-reach customer support, rReports, and analysis data can also be checked remotely through a customized Web Dashboard.

LoadNinja Tool

LoadNinja by SmartBear allows you to generate script less load tests, decrease test time by 50-55%. It can replace load emulators with real browsers, & obtain actionable, browser-based metrics with reporting and analytics features. It can identify performance bottlenecks immediately.

Core Features:

Scriptless sophisticated load test formation & playback (with InstaPlay recorder)

VU Debugger – debug tests in real-time

Hosted on the cloud, no server machine & upkeep needed

VU Inspector – handle virtual user activity in real-time.

Sophisticated browser-based metrics

Real browser load test execution at scale

HP Performance Tester (LoadRunner) Tool

This is a performance testing version of LoadRunner. It lowers the cost of distributed load test and decreases the chance of risks of deploying systems which do not meet performance needs. HP Performance Tester predicts the system's ability to lower the software and hardware comprehensive costs.

Core Features:

Effective tool utilization tracking

Scale from individual projects to a full-scale testing CoEs (Center of Excellence) that standardizes best practices, consolidates hardware and leverages global test resources

Lessens the risk of deploying systems using valuable enterprise load testing

Lower software and hardware costs by predicting system competence

Determine the core reason for application performance problems completely

Browser-based access to global test resources

StressStimulus Tool

StresStimulus is a strong load testing tool because it addresses application scenarios that are tricky to test with other performance testing tools. It is a load test tool for mobile, enterprise, and web applications. It evaluates the scalability and web performance of an app under the heavy load. It gathers real-time server monitoring data to identify application performance bottlenecks & isolate web speed problems.

Core Features:

On-premise or cloud tests supported with multiple load generators

Easy to access UI and supports all application platforms

Works as a Fiddler add-on or stand-alone tool

Multiple secure authentication methods are supported, comprising Basic, Web Forms, Kerberos, and NTLM

Exports script to Visual Studio test format to help with scenarios that fail when recorded in Visual Studio directly

Provides in-depth reporting. Generates a test summary report that presents key performance metrics

Manual scripting is not necessary but supports three scripting languages

LoadUI Pro Tool

LoadUI Pro by Smartbear allows you to rapidly create script less sophisticated load tests with just a few clicks. It can easily support MQTT SOAP, REST, JMS, and several other API formats. You can access detailed reports and rapidly automate your load tests on Bamboo, TFS, Jenkins, and other automated frameworks.

Core Features:

Scriptless and sophisticated Load test creation

Preconfigured load test templates like smoke, baseline, spike, stress,

Drag and drop load testing on distribution agents on cloud

Can be used to carry out API load testing

Sophisticated analytics and statists features for reporting

Fast conversion of functional testing from SoapUI as load tests

BlazeMeter Tool

BlazeMeter tool can help to test the performance of phone applications, websites, web applications, and APIs. The tool gives an agile platform that is compatible with Selenium, Apache JMeter, and various other similar open-source tools. The tool is useful to carry out a continuous delivery process by providing integration with the development environment. It also provides a powerful analytics and reporting function.

Core Features:

Rapidly pinpoints defects using in-built error report function

Descriptive and interactive report timeline graph to prepare a clear report

Comprehensive load tests using both, API frontend and backend

Uses JSON and YAML syntax for developers using these languages

Silk Performer Tool

The silk Performer tool is a enterprise-scale stress and load testing tool. This specific load test tool can test multiple application environments with 1000 plus concurrent users. It also supports the extensive range of protocols. It is perfectly designed to ensure a consistent user experience across different devices.

Core Features:

A peak load scenario can be generated

Real-world load tests & user pattern can be simulated

Existing bump tests can be used to speed up the test cycle

Provides integration with APM tools to resolve performance glitches like loitering objects, memory leaks, etc.

End-to-end diagnostics to pinpoint flaws from the user perspective

Rational Performance Tester

IBM RPT is an automated performance and load testing tool that determines the presence and reason for system performance bottlenecks. Rational Performance Tester is developed by IBM Corporation. It allows the develop team to validate the reliability and scalability of web-based apps before deployment into a production environment.

Core Features:

Offers real-time reporting for immediate awareness of performance problems during a test.

Can be utilized used for both server-based applications and web-based applications

Pinpoint and rectifies leakages in the servers and sites

Compatible with Oss like Mac OS X, AIX, and Microsoft Windows

Supports load testing against apps like TCP Socket, SAP, Siebel, Citrix, SIP, HTTP,

WAPT (Web Application Performance tool)

WAPT (Web Application Performance tool) is a tool designed particularly for websites and internet applications. This is an analyzing tool to determine the performance and output of any web application or web related interfaces. With this tool, you have the benefits to tests the web application performances under manifold environment as well as diverse load conditions.

Core Features:

Offers extensions to work with Adobe Flash ASP.net, and Silverlight

Sends reports to desktop and mobile devices for convenience

Load Test results are revealed in 20 dissimilar detailed reports

Provides descriptive graphs during the runtime for tracking the performance

You need to choose the best tool according to your project goals.

[Note: The following 10 load testing tools are not rated or ranked in any specific order of importance, but are listed randomly]

#ImpactQA #Software Testing Services #software testing tools #Software Testing Company #performance testing #Performance testing company #LoadRunner #load testing

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for cat

sign: leo sun | scorpio moon | capricorn rising

lover: Park Jimin | soulmate: Jung Hoseok

This reading is for the lovely Cat, a J-Hope bias with a particular weakness for Jimin & V. It’s more rare for people to actually pair with both their bias and wrecker astrologically, so she has pretty much hit the jackpot on this one. I hope you enjoy ;) 

This specific star sign placement denotes a unique blend of ambition, power, and rebelliousness - a lethal combination that both intimidates people to their core while drawing them into you like moths to a flame. Your Leo Sun establishes you as the bold, go-getter of the zodiac who stops at nothing to reach greatness in all areas of your life.. The vibrant, outgoing, upbeat nature of your Leo is often exists in tandem with your moody, darker inner Scorpio Moon which also wants power but craves control and your Capricorn rising that presents a very  You are able to use traits from both signs alongside your wide emotional range to your to your advantage, your deep knowledge of people and their wants, needs, and desires getting you very far in your work and personal life. Some may call your skills dramatic and manipulative, but your intentions (however deliberate and calculated) are rarely deceptive and come from your innately passionate and ambitious nature. When it comes to your friends and family, it is hard to find a kinder or more loyal protector than you, the fierce nature of your Leo and Scorpio making you a true force to be reckoned with. Your Capricorn rising makes you a gentle, caring, big-picture thinker who is very aware of the world outside of yourself, and someone who actively seeks to make said world a better place. A natural leader, you are equipped with the energy, tenacity and optimism that makes people follow you in support of whatever lofty goals you have in mind - anything seems possible with you at the helm, and while people may not fully understand you they certainly respect you. 

Not one to stand still for too long, people are in your sign are likely to be found in high-level positions and involved in humanitarian efforts, mingling with the world's elite and moving progress forward. Your natural knack for communication lends to an actively social calendar, which on a cool fall night brings you to a fundraiser at a Seoul gallery where you are talking up your next project which has become your newest focus. When you believe in a cause, there is no fundraising goal you can't exceed or person you cannot sway into opening their purse. Strong, sexual and intuitive, you possess and air of power that is almost irresistible, which attracts many benefactors including one very special guest, Jung Hoseok. Like attracts like, and within seconds his Aquarius senses that beneath your cool and confident exterior that you are someone with equal fire, depth and passion to match his own - a true rarity that he must explore further. His eyes moving over your body, the buzz of the room doesn't hold a candle to the burning sensation taking over you as your eyes eventually meet his dark, knowing stare and he makes his way over to introduce himself.  Fueled by emotions on all cylinders, you are known to think with your heart instead of your head, your moon, sun and rising all lending to impulsive behaviors in the name of pleasure - your Capcicorn Moon makes you slow to commit emotionally but when it comes to physicality you can be all in. So it not too surprising when less than an hour later you find yourself getting against the wall of the coat closet, your skirt hiked up around your waist and your panties on the floor, Hoseok's gorgeous hands muffling your moans as he expertly thrusts his length into you, his voice hissing in your ear. Is this what you wanted, beautiful? You may just make me write a blank check. You're perfect, fucking perfect.

From the start, it is clear that you and Hoseok have a magnetic sexual connection that almost transcends logic. For you, sex and love is an all-consuming experience, one that you're not afraid to dive into headfirst without hesitation - a trademark trait of your fiery Leo/Scorpio combo. This pairs almost perfectly with Hoseok's Aquarius sun which seeks adventure, spontaneity, and intention in every movement he makes. At first, you two are less romantic lovers and more so the ideal fuck buddies, his Aquarius enthralled by the chase of the wild Leo, wanting to conquer you mentally and physically. For him, sex is something to be fully experienced with your entire body, a trait of his extremely intense Jupiter in Scorpio and also his dancer background. Coupled with this mind-body awareness and devotion to pleasure is his Mercury in Taurus and Venus in Pisces, making him both wildly unpredictable, dreamy, and playful when it comes to setting your body on fire. When your imaginative, enthusiastic and strong-willed signs come together, there is nothing that is off limits, with sex soon becoming a place for you to experiment and explore your bodies in ways that simply never were possible before.. Your sign is the "king" of the zodiac, and Aquarius impulse to is to break you down and bring you down, begging and to your knees - literally. He wants to consume every inch of you and make you crumble under his touch, sending jolts through your spine as he buries his perfect tongue in between your dripping center and his hands hold your bucking hips in the back of his car. Any thought of ruining the leather interior is gone as he looks up, eyes ablaze as he watches your head roll back while you clench tightly around his long, skilled fingers. This pussy is mine. Say it. Louder, baby, I want to hear you. I love it when you purr for me. Sometimes you wonder why you even bother wearing panties when you know he'll ruin them before dinner, the group of friends you're meeting completely unaware of the the fact that your juices are still lingering on his lips as he charms the room over rounds of soju and his signature charm.

Problems arise when you, Leo, want to connect emotionally with your Aquarius mate. Over time, you begin to demand more attention and affection from Hoseok who seems to be the one person you cannot fully crack - challenge accepted!. While you are highly independent, Leos innately want to be the star of any show, to be admired, courted and to be seen as friendly, fun, confident and generally likable, investing lots of energy into this persona but also keeping your secrets close. Nothing drives you crazier than being ignored, dismissed, or anything other than fawned over by others, especially your partner who you expect to walk to the end of the earth for you with no questions asked. Unfortunately, Hoseok's Mars in Aquarius can make him quite emotionally detached from a situation, able to strategically compartmentalize work and romance unlike anyone else. While that ability helps drive him towards success in his career (a total turn on for you), you also have expectations of a wildly successful partner who can offer the level of attention you require - the best sex of your life isn't enough to keep you satiated. You want Hoseok’s full attention outside of the bedroom, and when you don't get it you work double time to receive affirmation from others, which only seeks to turns him off further. Ultimately, perfectionist Hoseok can only give you a fraction of what you need - his Mercury in Taurus and Venus in Pisces often making him ego-driving and self-satisfying/generally allergic to difficulty and conflict. With you unable to fully let him and him unable to read your mind , he eventually decides a romantic relationship is something that he can offer.

Far be it for your to sit around and brood in misery, your Leo Sun likely throws yourself into a new activity, job, or person as a way to shift the focus away from the depths of your turbulent emotions. In contrast to Hoseok, you want someone who will tell you their deepest, darkest secrets and give you the keys to their heart without hesitation - it makes you feel like you're in control. Enter Park Jimin, who you meet while out at a very decadent club while abroad. As you move around the dance floor, the shimmer of the lights hits him perfectly, illuminating his already ethereal beauty which radiates throughout the room. When you is the champagne, the vibration of the instruments flowing through you, or some combination of the two, but it is not long before you find yourself sauntering towards him, bringing your bodies so close that you can feel the heat emanating from his skin. Looking up at him in a flirtatious invitation to dance, you become more intoxicated by the sparkle in his eye, the peak of collarbone poking out from his shirt, the plumpness of his lips that you could easily kiss right then and there. Jimin is a true Libra, dripping with elegance, charm and sex appeal. Without saying a word, you fall into a sway, and in that moment and the months that follow its as though nothing else in the world exists except for the two of you and the music.

A Leo/Libra pairing is all about pleasure in each other's company and in showing off your love to the world, your sociable, charming combination a true joy to be in the presence of. Jimin's desire to balance the scales balance, peace and harmony while you want to rebel and shake things up makes you a fantastically entertaining and attractive duo, the popular couple that hits red carpets and high-profile events, generating buzz attention wherever you go. Jimin's Venus and Mars in Scorpio makes him extremely romantic and passionate, his arm firmly wrapped around your waist and the top of your ass as he plants little kisses on your cheeks in front of the cameras. This translates to sex too, where you two are fully immersed in each others and sensuality and intensity. There is no such thing as a quick fuck with this pairing as you both are gluttons for pleasure and satisfaction in all ways, happy to spend hours beneath the highest quality silk sheets. Your confident Leo Sun shines with with the dreamy, romantic Libra who wants to worship you while you take the reigns which you do without hesitation. Few things bring you more satisfaction that watching his his eyes light up and cock twitch in anticipation as you strip down in front of him to reveal your sexiest lingerie set, his hardness clearly straining against the fabric of his briefs. You adore the power you hold over him, the way his lips slightly part as he takes in the sight of you as you tease him with a finger slipped in between your legs while the other hand caresses your nipples. Suddenly the strong, confident Park Jimin is reduced to a whining, pouty mess as he sits there, eyes glued to your frame and practically begging for you. He's practically irresistible in this state, his chest heaving as you bring the coated fingers to his lips as you straddle him and slide down onto his length, his breathy moans filling the room. His Saturn in Pisces makes him determined and energetic, wanting nothing more than to hear you scream his name and tell him how amazing he makes you feel, which you do over and over as he rubs your clit, thrusting in and out of you until you practically combust. Be a good boy for me and show me how much you love me. Just like that.

A fundamental, essentially inescapable component of this relationship is envy, which slowly erodes the partnership over time. Your signs make you both dependent on and competitive with each other, with you wanting Jimin's full devotion without revealing too many of your secrets so you do not lose the game of love and get hurt again. You both want desperately to be the center of attention, with Jimin's Sun and Mercury in Libra often seeking approval through others by playing to his people-pleasing tendencies, and his ability to flirt as easily as he breathes makes you feel out of control. While Jimin is initially attracted to your spontaneity and fiery Leo spirit, he feels threatened when you are weaponizing your power in a room full of admirers, his Venus in Scorpio moving the spotlight away from you in order to protect his own ego. Your Moon in Scorpio makes this type of control unbearable for you, making you likely to retaliate by pushing the envelope further, deliberately flirting in his line of vision just to punish him. While jealously can make for some exceptionally good make-up sex and public role play scenarios, at this level it does not bode well for a long-term relationship between these two signs as you cannot trust each other to be faithful and as a true partnership. As hard as it is to walk away from this genuine connection and the sex, this pairing is unlikely to go the distance. 

A cooling off period to reassess feelings is quite possible in the love story of a Leo and Aquarius. Absence always makes the heart grow fonder, and while whatever resentment you felt towards Hoseok subsides when you see his name reappear on your phone, calling in attempt to reconnect after months of reflection and introspection. While your Leo Sun is highly emotional and pretends you are above any pain, your Moon in Scorpio and Capricorn rising ties you deeply to the people you care about and making you intensely loyal once you have finally opened up. It is almost impossible for your to cut ties with those who you have grown to love, and your connection with Hoseok is not something you can ever let go. The power in your Leo nature w/ Capricorn rising is your ability to melt even the coldest, most protected heart, and it is that kind of gentle, idealistic, all-consuming love that his Aquarius soul needs.

Leo/Aquarius duo is an a textbook example of two extremely independent, passionate individuals who can make an almost perfect match if they learn to really let each other in, shedding any walls and false ego or confidence that serve as protective barriers to intimacy, which you both deeply crave. With a lot of communication and problem-solving, this is a relationship that can thrive beyond measure based on your shared qualities. Ultimately, the biggest lesson here is to learn the art of losing control in your love life, knowing that this is a person you can fully let go with. Once you are able to fully safeguard each others hearts, there is nothing that this incredibly creative and energetic duo cannot accomplish. Be it utilizing platforms to advocate for critical humanitarian efforts, or traveling to a new continent to consume new culture and experience, this is a power couple in the truest form that does not subscribe to traditional roles or modes of living, constantly thinking outside of the box and paving their unique paths through the world as an unbeatable team.

#bts #bts fic #astrology #astrology readings #leo #aquarius #libra #hoseok #hoseok smut #park jimin #jimin smut #love #fantasy #creative writing #horoscope #horoscope reading

[postgamecontent]

Landstalker: SEGA Genesis RPG Spotlight #3

Original Release Date: October 30, 1992

Original Hardware: SEGA Mega Drive

Developer/Publisher: Climax Entertainment/SEGA

I've already gone into the history of Climax Entertainment and SEGA's ultimately fruitless search for their own Zelda-killer, but both topics are quite relevant as we discuss Landstalker, the 1992 Genesis action-RPG most well-known for its isometric perspective. The game's developer, Climax Entertainment, was founded in 1990 by a former programmer on the Dragon Quest series named Kan Naito. Its first two projects were jointly developed with Sonic! Software Planning and should be familiar to anyone who has found their way to this article. Shining in the Darkness is a first-person dungeon crawler that kicked off SEGA's long-running Shining series. Shining Force, a turn-based tactical RPG, is perhaps the most celebrated entry in that series. Climax's contributions to those games included vital elements such as art and programming, but the series was ultimately the child of Sonic! and would proceed solely in their care after the first two installments.

Having worked on a dungeon crawl RPG and a tactical RPG, Climax had already started making a name for themselves with fans of the role-playing genre. It made sense that their first wholly-developed title would also be an RPG. While Climax was independent of SEGA, they had a good relationship with the publisher at this point. Perhaps out of a desire to get away from turn-based games and try something new, or perhaps to help SEGA try to find its Zelda, Climax decided their new game would be an action-RPG. Someone on staff must have been a fan of British computer games, because they also opted for an isometric viewpoint for their game, a relatively unusual choice among Japanese-developed games of the time.

Back before hardware could easily handle a lot of polygons, you basically had a few choices if you wanted to make a 3D game. To start with, no matter which route you took, your camera would almost certainly have to be fixed. Many developers opted to use an overhead view, which allowed players to move easily in any direction and see the world around them without any issues. This worked well for many genres and was quite popular as a result. The only catch is that the player is usually so far above the action that it hardly feels like a real 3D space. In fact, most of these games simply swapped one dimension for another, as the ability to move in all directions often took the place of any real verticality.

Another option was to go with a first-person view. Again, the camera was essentially fixed in most of the early games that went in this direction. The hardware simply couldn't handle a player moving about and looking as they liked. As such, games played from this point of view usually had the player move in fixed chunks of distance. This kind of stop-and-go gameplay was best suited for games with a more leisurely pace, such as RPGs or adventure games. Some clever programming and design was being applied to bring this perspective to PC action games around the time of Landstalker's development, but it would still be a while before consoles would enjoy the fruits of that. The benefits here are obvious. Having the player look through the character's eyes makes the game feel more lifelike and the world more three-dimensional. The main drawback is that it gave players a very limited view of the area around them.

Then there was the isometric perspective. Skewing things at that angle allowed the world to express depth without giving up the player's ability to see all around them at a glance. With this method, it was easier to create games that afforded players the ability to move in all directions while still being able to jump and climb. It could also be quite cinematic if things were set up the right way. This viewpoint was popularized by Ultimate Play the Game's Knightlore, which spawned a cottage industry of clones in the British computer gaming scene in the 1980s. While this seems like the ideal choice for an action-adventure, there's a serious drawback that becomes almost immediately obvious to anyone after playing one of these games for a little while.

Simply put, the depth is an illusion. Our ability to perceive how far or close objects are to us depends greatly on methods that could not be easily replicated by a 2D television at the time. Polygonal games could alleviate this issue by allowing the player to move the camera, giving them the chance to compare objects and figure out where they were, relative to one another. Sprite-based games had no such luxury for the player, who was at the mercy of the developer's ability and/or desire to lay things out in a manner that wasn't confusing. This is not an easy task by any means, and many developers simply couldn't resist using depth perception issues to hide secrets and trick the player. It's that specific respect that makes the isometric viewpoint somewhat controversial among players.

On top of that, most controllers since Nintendo's 8-bit hardware launched use a directional pad for movement. Such pads typically emphasize the cardinal directions, and that left the developer with a difficult choice. What happens when the player pushes up on the pad? Will they go to the upper-left, or will they go to the upper-right? Do you force them to use diagonals so that things match up properly? I think there's a good reason why the most popular isometric games tended to be slower-paced affairs. But there's always someone who tries to ice skate uphill, and over the course of their first decade of existence Climax would keep on taking a run at just that.

Landstalker in a lot of ways is asking more of this perspective than any of Climax's other isometric games. Battles are often crowded and take place right on the map, requiring you to quickly turn directions to stave off enemies coming at you from all around. There's a fair bit of complex platforming, much of it involving moving platforms whose relationships to each other aren't always obvious. Missteps will send you hurtling back to the start of whatever you were trying to climb. Secrets are hidden behind pieces of the scenery that the camera can't see, and some of them require you to jump onto ledges and objects that aren't visible to you. Should you happen to run out of life hearts and have no healing items left, you'll be unceremoniously dumped back to the title screen, forced to replay from your last save point. Said save point is likely in a nearby town, so you pretty much have to complete dungeons in one go. Naturally, you can't move the camera an inch.

What this all comes down to is that while Landstalker has a lot of qualities that almost everyone can agree on, it's an incredibly divisive game. Its gorgeous visuals, strong soundtrack, and interesting puzzle designs make it hard to outright hate, but the line between mediocre and masterpiece appears to lay in how well the individual can get along with the necessary outcomes of its isometric perspective. I've noticed that those well-versed in those Knightlore-inspired UK computer games have less of a problem getting over that hurdle than those who were raised on a diet of Japanese console games or American arcade games. That makes a lot of sense, given that learning to cope with the quirks of the viewpoint weren't part of the education of a lot of players outside of that particular group. Arcade players had Marble Madness, but that controlled with a trackball. Console players only had the odd PC port from Electronic Arts or the occasional release from Ultimate Play the Game themselves under their new name of Rare.

I feel like I grew up on a relatively mixed diet of computers, arcades, and consoles. The first games I played were in arcade cabinets. The first machine I had in my home capable of playing games was a Commodore 64. But though I was late to the console party, once I got my Nintendo Entertainment System I was in, all the way. Yet for all the British classics I played on that C64, I never did get into isometric games all that much. In turn, it's something I feel like I'm fighting with every step of the way when I play Landstalker. I have a good time with literally every aspect of the game except the basic controls. Curiously, it's a far greater issue for me here than it is with Dark Savior, one of the game's follow-ups. But then again, that game allows me to move the camera a little, isn't as punishing when I fail, and moves its combat to a far simpler arena.

Outside of that admittedly major issue, I have nothing but praise for Landstalker. The environments are varied, the overworld feels big, and the dungeons are cleverly designed with puzzles a-plenty. I love the art style, and the designs fit the Genesis's capabilities perfectly. The story isn't nearly as simple as it initially appears, though like Dark Savior its ending sort of fizzles to nothing. You get a surprisingly good sense of the characters in spite of relatively little dialogue for some of them, and the more developed characters really come out well. It's about on the level of a silly Saturday morning cartoon in most respects, but it's at least a good one. I love that wherever it feels like there should be a secret, there is one. I also genuinely appreciate that this is a game where effort is typically rewarded with something of appropriate value. The game aggravates the heck out of me, but after I get through one of those wall-punching situations, I usually feel pretty good about it.

In some ways, I find Landstalker more enjoyable on a replay. You know what to expect, you've seen your way through the worst of it once before, and you know what you can look forward to. But the controls and perspective, so annoying at the time, feel worse every time I come back. I also find myself less tolerant of the many moments where the developer knew exactly what kind of unfair trickery they were relying on and did it anyway. It's a bizarre habit of Climax. Instead of designing their games around obscuring the weak points, they tend to shine a bright flashlight directly upon them. This isn't a problem, Landstalker says. It's so very much not a problem that we're going to force you to deal with it as much as possible. I'd love to chalk that up to their relative newcomer status at the time of Landstalker's release, but it's a behavior that persists in their work. The most recent Climax game I played, the dreadful Kingdom of Paradise for the PSP, was similarly proud of its shortcomings.

Looking at Landstalker from a design standpoint, it's clear that Climax could have made a high quality action-RPG that might have pleased a wider crowd had they only stuck closer to the conventions of the genre. That said, it's hard to be too down on a developer for trying something different. There are a lot of people who have no problems with Landstalker's controls and platforming, and for them, it's a game that gives a Zelda-like feeling without directly copying Zelda. That's something precious, particularly in Landstalker's era. I think it says a lot for Landstalker that in spite of my borderline hatred of its fundamental mechanics, I still think it's a really great game. It just has a really big asterisk next to it, is all.

Interestingly, if you want to play Landstalker today, your options are quite limited. It's available on the Wii Virtual Console, the PC SEGA Genesis & Mega Drive Classics Collection, and in its original cartridge form. None of the console SEGA Genesis collections include the game, and although it would have benefited better than most from a SEGA 3D Classic treatment on the 3DS, there's no such luck there either. Wherever you choose to play it, make sure you've got a good directional pad to work with. The game isn't terribly long, so if you can deal with its flaws, it's certainly worth the time for a playthrough.

Previous: Beyond Oasis

Next: Sword of Vermillion

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#retro #gaming #sega #sega genesis rpg spotlight #climax entertainment #landstalker #sega genesis #sega mega drive #rpg #genesis #mega drive

[pomegranate-salad]

Seeds of thought : Wicdiv #29

It’s a tale of pain and misery. It rekindles you with the worst human nature has to offer. It takes a bite of your soul and runs with it. It’s the APARTMENT HUNT IN JULY !!

*lightning strikes*

So life is more than a little chaotic right now, meaning I’m mightily glad I have this piece to help me take my mind off things. Did I ever say how great it was to have to look forward to writing these every month ? No ? Well starting this series is one of the best and most time-consuming ideas I’ve ever had. In that order.

Anyway, thoughts and opinions under the cut, not spoiler-free.

LET’S TALK ABOUT TEXT, BABY

 Wicdiv is so rich in themes and intersected motives that, really, everyone comes to it for different reasons. But if there’s one core I keep coming back to, it’s the inner workings - and dysfunctions – of the relationship between identity, communication and social life. It’s been a bit of a running theme in these blogposts : in SOT #25 we talked about the construction of morality in a given society, in SOT #26 the stakes of getting to know someone, and two months ago in SOT #28 the vulnerability inherent to forming a bond.

But this time I want to push the lens closer, and instead of looking at the purpose or the consequences surrounding the characters’ relationships, focus solely on the instrument : Language.

This is the perfect time to do it as not only does this issue walk us through the status quo of the new arc, it’s also the first in quite some time in which every god (with one meaningful exception) gets almost equal speaking time. The gods have known and interacted with each other for over a year ; the way they talk, communicate and generally express themselves has cemented itself to the point of forming patterns and codes. In that grand game of identity and relationships, language is more than a simple tool of communication : it has autonomous meaning, and power.

 This is true of Language in general, but in the Wicdiv world it’s also literal : visually, speech bubbles themselves reflect the powers of the gods, and the Morrigan is summoned by the use of her name.

And in the eternal blur Wicdiv is cultivating between fantasy and its metaphorical exploitation, the simple act of calling someone is never neutral, but imbued with and intent and revealing of the multiplicity of identity. Persephone, the perspective character of this issue, goes here by so many names. Persephone. Laura Wilson. Persy. Not Marlboro shite. The Destroyer slut. You. Depending on the way they’re used, all of these terms posits their user relatively to Persephone, or perhaps more accurately posits Persephone relatively to them. Take the act of nicknaming. In the Morrigan’s speech, “The Destroyer slut” casts Persephone aside as someone unwanted in her territory. Meanwhile Baal’s nicknames, as egregious as they may be for their receivers, are accepted by the group as an act of recognition : Baal’s acknowledges you by showing he knows you enough and has thought of you enough to find a witty name for you. In this context, not nicknaming Persephone serves as an act of excommunication ; he had a name ready for her, he’s just not going to use it. In one case, the nickname is used to impose distance ; in the other, it’s the absence of nickname that has the same purpose.

 But beyond this pointed use of names, every word here is potent even when devoid of any intent. Words succeed or not in carrying across an identity : on the first page, a decent quip confuses Persephone into thinking Lucifer is somehow with her. But on the next page, the illusion is shattered as much by visuals as it is with words : Lucifer “wouldn’t say that” and therefore she cannot be here.

Interestingly, it’s in fact the words that appear the most empty that seem the heaviest in and of themselves. During the clubbing sequence, Persephone gets subjected to the expected litany of banalities people offer in dire circumstances : “I’m sorry”, “it must be terrible”. Those words, most of the time, exist purely on a social scale : the point isn’t to be actually sorry or empathetic, it’s to fulfil a social duty that dictates such words be used in that context. They do not impart meaning, do not carry any kind of identity marker, their sole virtue is to be considered better than saying nothing. And yet they seem to rile up Persephone harder than Baal’s or the Morrigan hurtful words. Despite seemingly empty, they still hold constraining power on the receiver. After all, if Persephone “must” feel terrible, then if she does not actually feel that terrible, or is simply confused about how she feels, then she must be a bad person. Through these purely social words, there is social enforcing of the self and its demanded emotions.

 Words loaded with intent can gain in meaning, but words that only seem to exist for and by themselves in social interaction can carry meaning independently from the concept they supposedly exist to signify. Recuperating linguistics theories from Ferdinand de Saussure, Lacan theorizes a separation within every word between a Signified (the concept of what we’re designating) and its Signifier (the acoustic entity we associate to this concept and designate as “the word”). But whereas classic linguistics theory sees the Signifier as a reduction of the Signified (the world “horse” not ever being able to contain the concept of a horse in its entirety), Lacan posits that the most significant element of the speech is not the Signified but the Signifier : when put in connexion with other Signifiers (thus forming a speech) it carries the subject’s unconscious meaning and intent through metaphors and substitutions. Simply put, the words we use and how we use them are more important to decrypt our speech than what these words supposedly mean on their own.

 I find Lacan’s postulate to be particularly interesting to apply to Gillen’s writing. I have yet to dedicate a full piece to his writing style, but I’ve described it as “disjointed” and “artificial” in previous pieces – neither time in a negative way. The writing in comics has to be both to some degree, to make do with the scattered nature of the written text and its scarcity. Speech in comics is typically way more in-depth and polished than normal talk : in a limited space both plot and characters must move forward with the support of an image and a few lines of text. Therefore, the typical comic text will consist of heavy, meaningful phrases and witty clapbacks organized in a succession that wouldn’t make any sense without the art to go with it.

But in Wicdiv, Gillen’s “classical comic writing style” gets pushed to the extreme. The preciosity of his other works reaches a comical degree : by piling up metaphors, a sentence become unintelligible – like in issue #10 when Baal crammed in so many nicknames he had to translate himself. Likewise, the disjointedness of his writing, which sometimes made you question the succession of ideas, becomes a feature : in a same bubble of speech, characters go from sentence to sentence seemingly without any internal logic. In the end, speech in Wicdiv is like a coloured candy necklace of perfectly shaped, beautiful expressions aligned randomly that, despite their appealing appearance, do not actually have any taste.

Persephone gives us two successive examples in this issue : when she describes her relation with Sakhmet as “having an angel of death as a girlfriend” and then when she says “they got to be doomed together”. Both expressions supposedly answer a very practical, straightforward question, and yet none of them come logically from the sentence before them, and when you strip away the fancy words, none of them really mean anything. Sure, we can discuss to no end about what “doomed together” entails, but if there’s actually a core idea in there, it’s probably a very simple one that got inflated to the point it stopped being about that idea and became all about how it would sound on its own. What does “we got to be doomed together” mean ? Who knows. But it sounds great, doesn’t it ? Sounds exciting, doesn’t it ?

The characters in Wicdiv are so in love with words, so in love with the beauty of speech, they will flaunt that beauty as much as they can until any connexion between word and meaning is broken. The unsurpassable barrier between Signifier and Signified has been hermetically sealed. There is no truth or reality to words because speech exists for itself and is its own referential. In that context, characters communicate only in impressions of concepts, in the vague imprint they have left on a word. When Sakhmet straight up tells Persephone she killed and ate her dad, there is no reaction from the latter because this is only the best or worst thing after all, and if it was the best thing then maybe it helped. Words send back to themselves, the meaning they carry is only the one given by previous speech. Signifiers interact with each other to form a language removed from the Signified. There is no reality, there is only how we talk about it.

 But just like satire is not satire without intent, all of this would be dangerously close to a failure in writing if the author didn’t do anything with it. And while I have my reservations with Cass as “the call-out character” consistently used to excuse the medium tools the comic still delights in, she is excellent when it comes to counterbalancing this aspect of the characters. Cass’ speech is not that much simpler than other characters’ but it’s decidedly more meaningful and articulate. She does not deal in metaphors of impressions of concepts ; to her, words mean something. That’s why, despite not relishing in the banalities Persephone hears throughout the issue, her compassion is more visible and sincere than anyone else ; because when Persephone throws around “angels of death as girlfriends”, Cass hears something very real, and potentially painful for Persephone. And in return, gets her to pause and actually consider her own words. Reconnect them with reality.

Cass actually does it twice in a row, and this is simultaneously where her weakness as a speaking subject appears. Right after that, Persephone makes her “doomed together” remark and Cass immediately adopts a more reprimanding tone to criticize the use of such an expression in that context. There is, arguably, a hyperreality of language to Cass : at every moment, words have to be connected to their precise meaning, which means she has trouble playing with language the way other characters do. This is visible in her difficulty to pick up social signals, but also in her vulnerability to the weaponizing of language. In this issue, it is demonstrated in its use by an abuser, the Morrigan : while Cass is happy to flaunt her Psych 101 knowledge about the use of a possessive, the first ad hominem argument gets her to lose focus immediately. The Morrigan compared two things that aren’t the same, and therefore Cass must rectify in the middle of the argument, even turning her back on the Morrigan. Compare this with Dio, who has his eyes on the prize and understands that nothing the Morrigan says matter because she uses language to push them away and not to communicate, even less so to debate.

 The danger of such a world in which language gradually loses meaning is that it enables abusers like the Morrigan, who will use this loss of meaning to cut their victim from reality. When words get disconnected from their intended meaning, then they become free vehicles to be imbued with another meaning, one that will serve personal interests. I’ve touched on this when I talked about perversity in media and totalitarianism, but this issue gives us our most textual example yet : Cameron is the only god in this issue who doesn’t get any speaking time or even screentime ; unlike in previous issues, he is not talked for but about. This is where we see the Morrigan’s efforts to limit his access to another form of speech and thus potentially different meanings from the ones that have been enforced on him. The Morrigan will not have him “confused”, that’s to say she’ll not have him reconnect with non-abusive forms of communication and relationships. As long as no one says otherwise, a beating can still be just a squabble, because this is what the Morrigan called it and in his world there is only the Morrigan.

[Also on a personal note and as a personal favour, if you like anything I’ve written and all you have to say about the Morrigan in this issue is “oh my god her outfit”… Please. Please. There are abuse victims reading you. You are reading one right now. Consider what they see when they open Tumblr. Consider what the very intent of displaying her like that might be. Don’t be that person who just proves the point.]

 The Wicdiv characters, and Persephone in particular, have come to what could be called a breaking point when it comes to language : we have reached a level of speech so removed from reality that any confrontation of a word with its actual meaning will cause speech to collapse on itself and the character to have to acknowledge its total inadequacy. From here, either the characters will retreat into a world as physically removed from the real one as their language aspires to be so they will be no more confrontation – as the Morrigan and Cameron have – either they’ll have to painfully reconnect with the meaning and the weight of their words. “Taking a shot” will mean murder again, “rule the underground alone” will mean abuse, and “doomed together” will mean nothing because it never did. It will not be pleasant, just like it is never pleasant to have to carry the consequences of anything. In a way, the gods have always vied with language, the sheer potency and danger of it, its seduction and its failures. After all, we don’t know much about the gods’ performances, but we don’t it’s not just sounds. It’s words. They mean everything. This may be why no one understands them.

   WHAT I THOUGHT OF THE ISSUE

 Let me start by saying that for the life of me, I do not get how Imperial Phase I and II are supposed to be structured as a whole. I hope that once this arc is over some kind of mirroring or dented rhythm will emerge that will make sense of the whole thing, but for now the way high and low tension moments are aligned is frankly puzzling and in my opinion detrimental to the read. Anyway.

This issue is a strange one not because it does anything strange in it in terms of storytelling, but on the contrary because of how deeply seated in the Wicdiv trench line it is. There is nothing surprising about its progression, the use of its characters, and its role in the main plot. And in a way, that’s what makes it so odd in its own context. As I’ve said in the past, Wicdiv has cemented a tradition of beginning its arcs by establishing the new status quo in a non-contentious kind of way to make way for more action-packed issues. But in the past arcs, they’ve always made care to find a twist on the classic “establishing shot” : issue #6 would wrap up the new situation in personal trauma, issue #12 would use the point of view of minor characters to walk us through it, issue #18 would forego the expected revelations and issue #23 went high-concept with the magazine. But issue #29 is an establishing issue in the purest of senses : Persephone is quite literally walking us from character to character, all of them having an occasion to clarify where they stand regarding the new situation. Even issue #24, its closest double, wasn’t as thorough when it came to diagramming the new world order. The main plot to the issue is entirely devoid of surprise, as you can predict the final scene pretty much from the opening pages. The characters themselves don’t have any U-turns for us, most of them remaining cemented in their ways.

And all of this is in itself kind of surprising so far into the comic : given how well we’re acquainted with the Wicdiv world, its characters and the logic of its storytelling, such a “basic” issue should really be unnecessary and hard to conceive of. This is old-school Wicdiv if I’ve ever seen it : this kind of issue would fit perfectly within Fandemonium ; after all, it’s all about Laura/Persephone looking for something while being half-willing and interacting with the gods who are more or less helpful. But after the string of arc that have definitely changed the Wicdiv course, finding such an issue as an introduction to the new arc feels bizarre.

And as a result, it’s not very involving or exciting : as I’ve said, the plot and characters are predictable, there aren’t any emotional moments that take you by surprise – the way the touching  pizza cutter scene between Persephone and Cass did in the middle of issue #24 – and visually there aren’t any clear scene-stealer that make you go “ooooooooooh”. In the end, this issue doesn’t do much for me.

 Is all this intentional ? Given the issue has been described as “a hangover”, it’s definitely there. Indeed, the whole issue is heavy, unresponsive on its feet, it seems to crawl from scene to scene and make any interaction as drudgy and unnatural as possible. You people out there who actually drink will have to confirm that for me, but it sounds like a hangover alright. Even the lines are slightly blurry and the colours slightly muted, as if this issue has been out too long in the sun. Compared to issue #24, which also takes place after a night of partying, issue #29 is less about lack of direction than it is about lack of will : Persephone drifts around in apparently the same way, but while #24 had her looking for what to do, #29 gives her something clear to do ; she simply doesn’t have the strength to carry it through. Given all that, this issue is not nearly as frustrating as it could have been, as there is nothing more egregious than knowing what the goal is and witness someone failing to achieve it. But it’s still quite a drag. I couldn’t wait for it to end, not necessarily because I wasn’t enjoying it, but because it felt like trying to shake up a muscle numbness : you just have to do it and it’s taking too damn long.

 However, if this issue is not exciting for itself, it is certainly for what it portends : eventually, someone is going to wake up. The hangover is going to end. And for me, this issue was riddled with signs that Laura Wilson is finally ready to get out of hell and take over Persephone. There were the multiple allusions to Lucifer, the flashbacks to happier times, but most importantly, for the first time since Fandemonium, we are back inside Laura’s head. The first line of the arc is internal narration, and it’s all about waking up. Of course, she’s not awake yet, and this issue is still much of a godhood-induced stupor ; but she’s stirring.

So while as an issue, #29 feels derivative and doesn’t have much going for itself, it still gets the job done as an introduction : gets me anxious to see the rest and hopeful at least a little bit of the old magic of the first arcs it’s voluntarily failing to recreate will get to be found again by our damaged characters. But then again, I was told not to believe in miracles.

 (And by the way, yes I’m aware my title pun would justify cutting me from all and every communication device, but on the other hand this issue literally ended on a “Netflix and kill” title card so fight the real enemy)

#wicdiv #seeds of thought #thinkpiece time