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lilac-gold · 8 months

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Hiding an injury

AI-less Whumptober: Day 4 Hiding an injury | Betrayal | Lying @ailesswhumptober

Fandom: OMORI Rating: Teen Word Count: 1730 Summary: Mari’s supposed to be perfect, not go running for help. Hero’s got enough of her worries on his plate without her bad knee too. AO3 LINK

Mari loved being active, playing softball especially. The adrenaline kick it gave her made her feel like she could do anything, Mari always feeling especially good after a game. Besides, it gave her something to focus on that wasn’t her schoolwork, and she enjoyed the competition. She was a perfectionist with a high drive to succeed, and that meant that she put a whole lot of effort into playing.

So, when Mari injured her knee, she was devastated she wasn’t allowed to keep playing. It was sprained, so she had to wear a brace. Apparently, she’d ‘torn her anterior cruciate ligament’ during a match. Mari wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but she knew it was bad.

It had hurt a lot when she first sprained it. She’d felt and heard a sickening pop, crashing to the floor as her legs failed to support her. Her knee buckled painfully beneath her when she tried to stand again, white-hot agony lacing through her entire leg. She’d been rushed to a hospital, given a diagnosis and some stretches to do, and strictly ordered not to play any sports for at least a month.

So she didn’t. And Mari felt useless.

She missed the rush of running, missed being able to carry Sunny around on her back without everyone fussing over her. She rushed the exercises she was given, doing them three times more than advised to in the hope that it would hasten her recovery further. Mari had to be perfect, and that wasn’t possible with a bad knee! It limited her far too much.

It was embarrassing, sitting out of gym lessons with the feeble excuse of a knee brace. Even as Hero lamented about how he wished he could sit at the side with her, Mari remained completely dissatisfied with her predicament. As soon as she got home, it was always ‘ooh, Mari, how’s your knee?’ or ‘Mari, make sure you’re taking it easy on that bad knee!’ or ‘be careful, Mari, remember you’ve got a sprained knee’. She was sick of being treated like she was made of glass. Mari was strong. Mari was capable. Mari was perfect.

And that meant that when it began to hurt a little more than usual, Mari said nothing.

It throbbed when she went upstairs, ached when she stayed sat in one position for too long, twanged unpleasantly whenever she stood up. But it was nothing she couldn’t handle! Mari was perfect after all, and would be fourteen in a month. She didn’t need coddling like a baby.

She went out with Hero one day to Gino’s, assuring him that she was completely fine. It was sweet that Hero was so worried about her, but it really wasn’t necessary. Her injury was minor. The constant fretting honestly bothered her more than the wound itself, and Mari was able to mask her grimace of pain quite well as she sat at one of the tables. She’d left her brace at home, put-out by the reminder it posed of her injury and figuring that it must have healed enough by that point that she could just leave the device at home. The grinding feeling that arose when she took her seat wasn’t exactly reassuring, but Mari ignored it steadfastly, clenching her fist under the table.

“I’ll go order food. You’d like a margherita pizza, right? No pepperoni?” Hero checked, fumbling through his pockets for his wallet.

“You got it,” Mari laughed. She didn’t much like pepperoni, it was too spicy for her tastes– and, in her opinion, vegetables had no place on a pizza. So, she stuck to cheese, and enjoyed it, no matter how plain her younger friends (especially Kel, who put the strangest toppings imaginable on his own) sometimes claimed her pizzas were. “Don’t worry, Hero, I’ll pay for mine.”

Hero shook his head. “I insist.”

“Thank you,” Mari smiled at him, enjoying the way his face quickly grew pinker. Unable to resist, she added on teasingly, “you’re a true gentleman, Hero.”

“Ah– um, yes, of course– I…” Hero fumbled, the pink shifting to a more red colour. Mari stifled a laugh. Hero looked rather like a tomato. “It’s no problem.”

And he hurried off to the till, practically leaving a trail of steam behind him. Mari shivered slightly. Despite the internal heating at Gino’s, it was still a very chilly February day, and every time the door opened, a frosty draught blew in. Hero soon returned with the pizzas, Mari eagerly taking a bite of her own then recoiling, wincing as the pizza burnt her tongue.

“Too hot?” Hero guessed, then grimaced sympathetically at her nod before placing his sandwich on the table. “It’s all good, we can wait for a little while first.”

“You can start, Hero, I really don’t mind,” she assured him, touched.

“The point of this is that we eat together, Mari, and it’s not exactly like my sandwich’s going to go cold, hah. Besides, I like talking with you,” he grinned sincerely at her, and that time, it was Mari who flushed, tugging at her coat sleeves.

“I like talking with you too,” She responded brightly, then quickly changed the subject. “What did Gino think of you ordering a Hero sandwich again?”

“I think he’s given up on trying to convince me now,” Hero rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “He just… Looks a little constipated whenever I ask. His face scrunches up, it’s like I’ve told him his great aunt just passed away.”

Mari giggled. “I don’t know why he still keeps it on the menu.”

Hero shrugged helplessly. “I’m not sure if he knows how to print a new one.”

A smile still wide across her face, as was always the case when she was with Hero, Mari cautiously took another bite of her pizza. Now, it was just the right temperature, warm against her tongue without hurting in the slightest. The bit she’d burnt before smarted a little, but it was ignored easily enough. She opened her mouth to continue their conversation–

And had to suppress a gasp when the door swung open again, chilly draught going straight to her knee. Quietly as she could, she inhaled through her teeth, feeling a sharp spike of pain under her skin.

“Mari?” Hero said uncertainly, and Mari jumped. He must have noticed her tightened expression, because his eyebrows had knitted in concern. Darn it. “Are you okay? Is your knee hurting again?”

“It’s fine!” She blurted out quickly– a little too quickly, perhaps, if the doubt in Hero’s worried eyes was anything to go by. “I’m okay.”

Hero didn’t look convinced, but there wasn’t really much he could do to argue with her. He handled so much, all the time. Whenever there was a possibility he could help with something, Hero offered his assistance, and never once complained when given tasks that shouldn’t be his responsibility. Mari admired how selfless he was, but Hero (a little like herself) had a tendency to take on too much at once. He didn’t need her knee on top of his preexisting worries. That was Mari’s problem, not his.

He was always there to listen, always there to help. But Mari had piled enough of her worries onto him anyway, it wasn’t fair to force him to carry this too. Mari was strong. Mari could handle this herself.

They finished their food, and began walking around Faraway. With each bend of her knee, that grinding feeling began again, Mari feeling nausea well within her at the feeling of her bones rubbing together. When they finally reached the park, she readily sat down on a bench, unconsciously stretching her knee out and sighing in relief.

She turned to look at Hero with a relaxed smile, expecting to be met with his signature charming grin, only for her stomach to sink at Hero’s stricken face.

“...Where’s your brace, Mari?” He asked warily, carefully scanning her knee.

Shoot. Maybe she should have brought the brace after all.

“It’s um… At home,” Mari winced at Hero’s alarmed expression. “What?! Why? Is it broken? You should have told me! We didn’t have to go out today,” Hero said, clearly upset. Mari felt shame curl in her stomach.

“No, no, I’m fine!” Mari assured him. To prove her point, she tried standing up. “See?”

It was fine for a moment, Mari able to support her weight and hiding her grimace at that creaking feeling once again.

Then, her knee collapsed in on itself again, and she crumpled to the floor. Hero dived forward, catching her before she could hit the concrete and graze her skin, panic painted clear as day across his face. Mari’s knee throbbed, feeling swollen and sore.

“...Okay, I might need some help,” she admitted softly, turning away a little.

Hero’s jaw set, face hardening in determination. And, much to Mari’s surprise, he lifted her straight off of the ground. She gasped, eyebrows raising as a blush spread across her face.

“H-Hero–” She exclaimed, instinctively wrapping her arms around his neck. “I thought you weren’t strong enough to do this sort of thing!”

He grinned bashfully. “You carry a guy’s fridge enough times and it gets easy to pick up a Mari.”

He began walking, making a beeline for their houses. Mari was a little disappointed, having been thoroughly enjoying their outing (sans the pain). Still, this was necessary, and she had to admit that she did need a little help, lest her knee fail to support her again. That was the only reason she let Hero carry her home. The only one. Definitely.

He was very careful with her leg, trying his best not to jostle her as he walked, each step careful and purposeful. Soon, they arrived at her house, and Hero laid her down on her couch. Mari tried to hide both her disappointment and the hiss of pain at the change of positions.

“I’ll go find your brace and your mom,” Hero told her, knowing her dad worked on Sundays and she wouldn’t want him involved in this anyway. For all he cared about her, he could be a little… Overprotective at times. “I’ll be back in a minute!”

And as she laid back on the couch, waiting for Hero’s return, Mari considered that maybe, just maybe, asking for help wasn’t quite as mortifying as she’d first thought.

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deepfakefart · 2 months

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EDIT: please see @cliffsideview's replies for more info! Tragically it is sounding more probable that it was a suicide spurred by a long period of bullying. Every person who participated, every teacher who stood by, every legislator who is a proponent of the anti-trans bills – every one of them is complicit in Nex's death. Ryan Walters specifically has blood on his hands.

They're ruling Nex Benedict's death a suicide. Death due to "combined toxicity" of fluoxetine (Prozac) and diphenhydramine (benadryl). Let's explore this.

Fluoxetine is known to cause seizures at very high dosages but rarely causes death. In one case study, 1.4 grams of Prozac likely caused a seizure but not death in an adult woman. "A dose as low as 520 mg of fluoxetine has been associated with a lethal outcome, but there’s record of someone taking 8 grams of fluoxetine and recovering," according to Healthline. ("Associated with" does not necessarily mean the sole cause!) Diphenhydramine overdose has been known to cause death at doses of 20mg/kg or greater; in the USA in 2017, it was involved (but not necessarily the sole factor) in 3% of OD deaths according to the CDC. I've no clue how much Nex weighed but I based my math on a 100lb person. A lethal dose of diphenhydramine at that weight would have been approx 900mg. There is no known lethal dose of fluoxetine for humans. It can vary greatly but is generally safe and generally requires very large doses to cause seizures let alone death. There are no known serious drug interactions between these two drugs.

But let's say there is some interaction at unusually high doses that I don't know about because this is an extremely unusual combination for a suicide attempt. We know that Benadryl is much easier to OD on than Prozac is. So let's pull some numbers out of our asses and say 750mg of diphenhydramine plus 3g of fluoxetine equals lethal dose for a 100lb teenager.

The typical upper range of fluoxetine dosage is 80mg/day. If we assume that Nex was taking 100mg of fluoxetine/day and he had access to a full 30 day supply, that's 3 grams. Add confounding head trauma and diphenhydramine toxicity and...maybe???

But we're talking about someone downing a full or nearly full 30 day supply of high doses of fluoxetine AND about 30 tablets of Benadryl. And there were no signs until he entered the living room and collapsed? Fluoxetine toxicity can cause rapid heartbeat, irritability, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, etc. Diphenhydramine toxicity can cause confusion, irregular heartbeat, agitation, nausea, vomiting, etc. This combo seems like a very uncomfortable and unpleasant way to go and I'm meant to believe he was quiet, not vomiting, not agitated, not terrified – just walked into the living room and collapsed? Unless he was exhibiting those symptoms and Sue didn't say anything about it which doesn't add up either. She said Nex went to bed with a headache and we have audio of the 911 call. She mentions their eyes rolling back and their hands "posturing" (both those things could be related to brain damage or a seizure).

With the added complication of head trauma (blacking out due to head injury = concussion = brain injury), I guess death is feasible but this just doesn't feel right. I don't know. Maybe it was a perfect storm of circumstances but those two drugs are so hard to OD on, not to mention unpleasant to OD on, and this state is so hostile to trans people it's hard not to approach this with a TON of skepticism.

I hope the Benedict family had their own toxicology and autopsy done.

ETA: for the record, im not saying I agree with the suicide decision, I'm saying "I mean I guess technically it's possible but it seems highly unlikely and incredibly sus and I am not convinced"

#nex benedict #transgender #non binary #cw death #cw violence #cw overdose #oklahoma #cw sui mention

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thebibliosphere · 9 months

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Hi! Sorry to bother you with this - I checked your FAQ and MCAS tag and if the answers are there already I apologize for missing them! But I was wondering if you have a masterpost or similar with basic info on MCAS (what it is, how to figure out if you have it, what to do...) anyway thank you for posting so much about this, I'm learning a lot ^^

Hello! I don't have a list because if I started typing one out, I'd never stop. The Healthline article about it, however, is fairly comprehensive for the basics.

One thing the article doesn't list is that MCAS can also be a source of deep, deep tissue pain (sometimes I swear it's coming from my bones). Some recent research has linked unstable mast cells to fibromyalgia, which is why you'll often find a lot of anecdotal stories online about the two being co-morbid. MCAS can also be more likely in people with EDS or hypermobility spectrum disorder and can sometimes also be a source of dysautonomia. (Honestly, it's a bit chicken vs egg sometimes.)

They may have updated their criteria since the last time I checked, but the American Academy of Allergy and Asthma & Immunology used to list anaphylaxis as a requirement for diagnosis, but that is not true.

Many people experience MCAS without ever going into full anaphylactic shock.

They also used to stipulate that diagnosis was based on elevated tryptase tests, which is not accurate for MCAS. The tryptase tests are meant for diagnosing mastocytosis, which is like the big cousin disorder of MCAS. Most knowledgeable MCAS doctors now diagnose based on a history of symptoms and response to elevated doses of h1 and h2 antihistamines, as well as other mast cell stabilizers.

TMS for a cure has a lot more info, as well as a patient resource portal that includes a list of physicians, support groups, and ER protocols.

I'd highly rec having a read-through at some point.

Hope that helps!

#chronic health tag #MCAS

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ovaruling · 1 year

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@non-suspiciousname @junipercastor i’m not a dietician or doctor disclaimer disclaimer if you have preexisting conditions this may not be for you disclaimer disclaimer i cannot account for every human experience disclaimer disclaimer BUT the easiest way to do this is to first learn what “high fiber foods” means.

and before i begin, here’s how much fiber we more or less need via a helpful Harvard health article.

so, to recap: for women—the ones who matter to me—that’s 25g for adult women who are 50 and under. women 50 and over, that’s 21g.

and i included the extra paragraph about Metamucil etc bc that is important to note. a lot of people do think they’re getting quality daily fiber in these powders.

here’s a helpful article abt the differences between soluble and insoluble fiber. both are important in their own ways!

and just so we’re clear on the benefits of upping your fiber intake:

so!

i recommend a quick google to see the fiber content per serving of a variety of foods that i don’t have time condense here. but, like, beans are a really inexpensive way to do this (add some rice to it and you have a complete muscle-lovin’ protein btw! all the essential amino acids are covered when you combine rice and beans 🫶). beans and legumes are incredibly rich in fiber, and they’re budget-friendly, shelf-stable, and easy to make and easy to incorporate into infinite delicious possible dishes.

but your fiber can be gotten from so many different sources! (my data here is approximate from individual checking. pls allow 1-2g of fiber for margin of error in case i mistype!)

for fruits: 1 cup of blackberries OR raspberries has 8g of fiber!!!!! 1 medium apple has around 4-5g of fiber. an average banana or a serving of strawberries have 3g of fiber. an average avocado has 10g of fiber. and so forth

for grains: steel-cut oats have 5g of fiber per 1/4 cup uncooked (oats are generally rich in fiber anyway, but steel cut in particular). a slice of whole grain bread should have around 3g fiber. brown rice contains 3.5g fiber for every cooked cup. one cup of cooked quinoa (which is also a complete protein!) contains 5g of fiber. bran is almost 15g per one cup serving.

if you’ve got access to chia seeds, a 1oz serving provides 10g fiber. here’s a yummy super easy recipe for peanut butter chia pudding!!!

nuts and seeds provide a lot of fiber too. 1oz of walnuts contains nearly 2g fiber! 1oz of almonds contains 3.5g fiber. peanuts contain 2.5g fiber for 1oz. sunflower seeds are 12g per 1 cup serving (though that’s a lot of them to eat—1/4 a cup would be closer to 3g)

and my fave prunes are 12g per one cup serving. again, that’s a lot of them to eat. 1/4 of that would be 3g.

beans/legumes are king for fiber. 1 cup of cooked black beans contains 15g of fiber. 1 cup of navy beans contains around 19g of fiber. 1 cup of kidney beans contains 11g of fiber.

split peas are i think around 8g per cup when cooked? cooked broccoli is around 5g. corn is around 4g.

i could go on but i’m literally hooked up to an IV for medication rn so i’m one-handed lol i apologize for how cramped this is

but here’s a great list from the Mayo Clinic of high fiber foods and another list of 40 foods from a women’s health mag and also another from healthline, which also has a handy chart for fiber requirements for more specific age groups based on sex

and yes, there are also high-fiber cereals, but beware of the much-touted and rightly-feared ingredient of psyllium husk. it’s more or less used as a laxative and can be outright dangerous for your digestive system and is very painful if not consumed in militant moderation. ask me how i know lol. please please be careful of psyllium husk. like, for real. just stay away from it altogether imo.

sorry this is a lot of discombobulated info, but again i’m one handed at the moment. but hopefully that helps a bit! fiber is linked to longevity and good colon health and that’s what i want for women forever

EDIT: go slow with this! if you’re not used to the recommended daily intake, you will need to gradually work up to this so as not to upset your gastrointestinal system. you may otherwise find yourself in discomfort. GO SLOW. add fiber-rich foods in small portions over time to allow your body to adjust. it is well worth the patience—but don’t overload your system by eating a ton of prunes and thinking you’re doing yourself any good that way. introduce gently and in moderation until you feel comfortable with how it makes your digestion feel!

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bonesandthebees · 1 year

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All this information is so helpful, thank you !! I feel as if I trust a regular person who isn't really invested in the beauty influencer scene who just deals with their skin normally, it's so hard to find good recommendations and genuine advice. I get these little bumps that don't really look inflamed and are sort of just oil deposits under my skin, do you know anything for those? I do wash my face and moisturize in the morning and before bed, so that's all I've got going right now.

of course! I totally get it, the skincare scene is filled with beauty influencers trying to sell you stuff you don't need and it's really hard to wade through the bullshit. if you go on youtube though there's a lot of dermatologists who make videos talking about popular skincare products and will tell you what's worth it and what's not, so if you're ever unsure about where to find some info, look for videos like that.

now as for your problem, again this got long, so putting it under a read more

now I'm not an expert but one thing that came to mind when you described your bumps is fungal acne. do these bumps itch at all? if so, it could be fungal acne. the healthline article I linked talks a bit about what can cause it, and a common treatment I've heard works really well for it is, strangely enough, dandruff shampoo? specifically I've heard of people using nizoral shampoo on their face for fungal acne, although I don't know the details so definitely do your own research.

however, it might not be fungal acne. again, do your research to see if that fits or not. if it's not fungal acne, it could just be your natural skin texture. a lot of skin does just have bumps and uneven patches naturally. the idea that most people have naturally glass smooth skin is a total myth created by the beauty and influencer industry. skin isn't going to be perfectly smooth and that's fine. if you want to try and do something about it though, a possible option could be exfoiliants.

for the most part, scrub exfoiliants are considered a bit too harsh these days so a lot of people use chemical exfoiliants instead. there are a whole variety of these out there, but if you really want a strong one, I use an at home chemical peel solution from the ordinary that's around $10.

this is the strongest at home chemical peel on the market, so it's something you want to be careful with. if you do end up using it, you're definitely going to want to do a patch test first. apply some to the back of your hand for 10 minutes, wash it off, and then wait at least overnight if not a few days to see if you have a reaction. if you don't have a reaction, I'd recommend only using it for 5 minutes the first time you put it on your face, and slowly leave it on for longer and longer every time you use it, but never leave it on longer than 10 minutes total. also, on the days you use this, the only other products you should use on your face is face wash and moisturizer. make sure to use a moisturizer with spf or sunscreen right after using it because it makes your skin very sensitive to the sun!

if you don't want to go this intense for your first chemical exfoiliant though I understand. there are a lot of other options like glycolic acid, lactic acid, azelaic acid, etc. just do some research into what works best for textural irregularities!

#ask #anon #skincare

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inevitably-johnlocked · 2 years

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hey Steph, um, you're the first person I'm admitting this to. but...I think I'm on the ace-spec. And sometimes i have these really bad doubts as to if i actually am or just don't want to have sex and have convinced myself just - *hug?*

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

First off: You're not alone, and this experience is not only relatable to me, but I have gotten a lot of DMs and asks about other aces trying to figure themselves out in a similar fashion. I've written numerous posts about it, and STILL have to answer an ask from years ago that asks me specifically about my "version" of sexuality and the story of how I figured myself out. But the short version (EDIT: It’s not short, lol) of it is this:

It's okay if you don't know right away what you are, and the process may take you days, months or YEARS. You are literally me back when I was in my early 30′s and suddenly realized I wasn't fitting into the heteronormative mould that people expected me to be in. And it's a TERRIFYING experience to have a sudden crisis in your 30's. Because we aces are SO used to the bigoted rhetoric of us being broken, or us not finding the right person, or we just need a good fucking, or medication will fix us. It's gross, and so SO wrong. And it’s VALID to be questioning before settling. My journey took me FOUR YEARS of trying on different flavours of asexuality before I settled on labels that fit me currently. It was a lot of soul searching and self-discovery, and I don’t regret it.

Asexuality is actually one of the broadest sexualities out there, with a HUGE spectrum and with SO many nuances and intricacies that the only way we CAN figure ourselves out is to, unfortunately, do our own research. It sucks, but I don't regret doing it for myself since I am now at peace with that part of my life at least. There's not many "public" support groups for aces, so we do have to go online and find the documents.

So, this is my advice to you, Nonny: Now that you are ready to start your journey, and you're in the headspace to do so, I do implore you to START your journey at AVEN. It's where I started, and I read EVERYTHING on the site, and jotted down terms and info for me to research. One of the biggest things that helped me understand myself was learning about the split attraction model, and realizing that ace people experience relationships VERY differently than allosexual people. Keep that term under your hat for the future, but in your case, I think you should read up on "Asexuals and Attitudes Toward Sex", and then as an aside (since I DON'T know if your lack of attraction to sex is trauma-related), read this short post from a Nonny who ID'd as ace because of trauma (cw below link: light allusions to SA in ask). AND check out some Ace YouTube Channels... they’re small but SUPER interesting! My faves are Ace Dad Advice, Slice of Ace and Lynn Saga as the active ones I’m subscribed to. Ash Hardell has a great 3-part video series on “Everything Ace and Aro” and I REALLY like the Anthony Padilla “Spent a Day With Asexuals” video.

I think these are all good places for you to start.

Here are some additional posts to carry you on your journey:

RESOURCES

Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

The Trevor Project – Understanding Asexuality

Healthline – What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?

LGBTQ Centre UNC-Chapel Hill – Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation

QueerEvents.ca – Asexuality 101

LGBTQIA+ Wiki – The Asexual Spectrum

Wikipedia – Asexuality

BBC.com – Asexuality: The ascent of the ‘invisible’ sexual orientation

Mindbodygreen.com – 14 Signs and Considerations to Know if You’re Ace

TeenVogue – What Is Asexuality: Myths and Truths About Being Asexual

And for some giggles, check out the subreddit r/asexuality. Beware though, there is some allophobia and shaming of sexual aces on many posts. I usually only go here for the memes, or just watch a YouTube Redditor read all the best ones, like Jammidodger and One Topic at a Time because they’re SUPER wholesome and silly.

MY POSTS

“I’m ace but like physical affection”

Autochorisexuality / Aces Who Love Smut

“It’s hard to be ace in a hyper sexualized world”

Celibacy Does Not Equal Asexuality

Romantic Feelings vs. Platonic Affection

“I Think I Might Be Ace”

“Am I a ‘fake ace’? I feel like I’m betraying my sexuality“

“I’m ace but I have sexual fantasies. Am I still ace?”

“How Does One Find out they’re ace or Aro?”

“I’m not attracted to any one but my boyfriend, am I Demi?”

“Is it okay to still call myself ace if I am sex-repulsed because of trauma?”

“My cousin came out as Ace, family this it’s because she doesn’t want to marry” (discussion about asexuality vs celibacy)

OTHERS’ POSTS

The B(ace)ics of Asexuality 101

History of Asexuality

Let’s talk about asexuality!

You Might Be Asexual If

The Ace Experience

History of Asexuality (cis straight aces and queerness)

The Recent TERF and Ace Discourse on Social Media

Sex and Asexuality

Aphobic Rhetoric on Tumblr Queer Spaces

Asexual doesn’t mean non-sexual

Aspecs don’t need to have dated

Can I be asexual if…?

Asexuality and the LGBT Labels

You can be kinky and ace

The Card Suits

VIDEO: Split Attraction Model

And finally, because I feel like it's important for me to state this to you because you're alluding to feeling shame for I.D.ing as something you're not sure that you are: If THAT'S the label you choose right now for yourself, THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. Sexuality is fluid. I KNOW people who, after I told them I'm ace and they asked me questions about it, they always had a sex drive until recently and just... started thinking they might be ace now too. I know people who thought they were straight but really they're bi. And THAT'S OKAY.

And you know what? If you NEVER settle on a label, that’s okay too. Our labels just here to help us understand ourselves better, and if people have issues with that, then that’s their weird-assed problem to deal with. Nothing pisses off people more than trying to shame others for things and you not responding in a way they were hoping for, LOL.

I hope these help you out Nonny, and FINALLY, I apologize for taking long to answer this I got lazy after my trip, LOL. Let us know how your journey goes! <3

Love ya!

#steph replies #chatting with nonnies #i am not a professional #my advice #sexuality #asexuality advice #my thoughts #resources #long post

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lorentzenross08 · 1 year

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Cannabis is a gaggle of vegetation that contain psychoactive properties, and when dried and harvested, it becomes some of the generally used leisure drugs on the planet. Cannabis incorporates over a hundred and twenty cannabinoids, with two of them being essentially the most dominant – THC and CBD. CB1 and CB2 receptors are both affected by CBD and THC, which binds to those receptors to influence our physique and mind. Cannabis is available in different How Is The Cannabis Industry Impacting Big Pharma? strains with different terpenes and different components, making it a very complex and nonetheless unknown plant. These compounds are essential as they interact with CBD to reinforce its therapeutic advantages. Because of the poor outcomes of past single molecule hashish merchandise, we really feel it’s better to incorporate the whole pure array of cannabinoid goodness in the plant. While we examine caffeine and ask ourselves is caffeine worse than weed?

Different Methods To Decarboxylate Your Hashish

Mapping hashish potency in medical and recreational packages within the United States. Here for extra product critiques, recipes, and research-based articles about CBD from Healthline. These unwanted effects are part of the compound’s psychoactive properties. Research suggests any unwanted side effects that occur with CBD use are doubtless the results of drug-to-drug interactions between CBD and different medications you might be taking. Before you attempt to purchase products with CBD or THC, it’s important to research your state’s laws. In states where hashish is legal for leisure or medical purposes, you need to be succesful of buy CBD.

Lankenau and Kirk both suggest the "low and slow" methodology when making an attempt out cannabis merchandise for the primary time.

In 2018, the FDA permitted Epidiolex, the primary CBD product federally accredited to deal with Dravet’s Syndrome.

The major energetic ingredient in hemp is CBD, and CBD doesn't have any psychoactive properties.

Gelato strain feminized seeds end result from a fusion between two well-loved strains and have indica dominant properties.

Controlled Substances Act, which signifies that they don't appear to be legal beneath federal legislation. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays an essential position in mood and pleasure. By triggering a higher-than-normal release of dopamine, THC causes individuals to experience emotions of euphoria. THC is usually administered by smoking marijuana, however it may additionally be discovered as an ingredient in capsules, edibles, and oils.

Cbdmd Tropical Cbd Gummies

It is necessary to understand how concentrated the product you’re consuming is to have the ability to finest make certain you get the specified end result out of your marijuana dose. Whereas a 6%-THC one-gram joint would contain 60mg of THC, a one-gram joint of 24%-THC hashish would comprise 240mg of THC. In other words, taking a puff from the joint with the higher THC concentration could be equal to taking four puffs from the lower-THC concentration marijuana. Inhaled (smoked/vaped) cannabis kicks in very rapidly — the effects may be felt inside minutes, with peak effects round 10 minutes, and can last roughly 2-4 hours. just delta However, they use fully different mechanisms to manifest them. THC and CBD work together with completely different components of the endocannabinoid system. For example, THC is the stimulant of CB1 and CB2 receptors, while CBD has little impact on both. https://glowbarldn.com/pages/dr-joseph-ambani Instead, CBD exerts its actions by working on a quantity of receptor-based and receptor-independent pathways throughout the body. Most hashish users contemplate the excessive from THC as a pleasurable sensation. They usually report a relaxed mind-set, reduced bodily pressure, bouts of euphoria, giggliness, and even indicators of improved cognition. THC sends alerts to the brain by binding to cannabinoid receptors CB1. source

Leisure Marijuana Usually Incorporates More Thc

In addition, most of the claims made about the advantages of CBD are dubious. At the end of the day all you could be getting is an costly, high-sugar complement that does little or no. FDA regulation of hashish and cannabis-derived products, including cannabidiol . CBD and THC are two of probably the most distinguished cannabinoids discovered within the cannabis plant. Dronabinol is FDA permitted to treat nausea and vomiting attributable to chemotherapy medication. It is also approved to stimulate urge for food in individuals with AIDS or anorexia. A new cannabinoid has surfaced within the hemp plant, and it is not one to be overlooked. Delta 11 tetrahydrocannabinol, a naturally occurring hint compound, has been isolated and studied due to superior know-how. Despite being comparatively unknown, Delta 11 THC is proving to be a game-changer within the industry, showing super potential.

Results Of Cbd Vs Thc

My state additionally doesn’t have a fantastic medical program, so I use hemp-based D9 THC products as a substitute. The excessive from ingesting cannabis may be fairly different from smoking or vaping, nevertheless. However, marijuana still has beneficial uses in its raw, uncured kind. Before curing and decarboxylation, THC and CBD – the 2 most lively hashish compounds – exist as acids (THC-A and CBD-A). These acids possess anti-inflammatory results, just like nutritional vitamins and minerals present in different plant-based foods. Nano emulsion is a method entrepreneurs can use to extract cannabinoids from hashish crops. Nano emulsion breaks down the compounds into tiny droplets suspended in water, making a secure mixture.

The specialist will focus on with you all the other remedy options first, earlier than contemplating a cannabis-based product.

Forbes Health adheres to strict editorial integrity requirements.

Likewise, hemp can produce some THC in addition to CBD, so a test might be positive for THC even when you haven’t used it.

CBD is a non-intoxicating compound found in hashish, meaning it will not produce a excessive. This compound has been recognized to have many therapeutic advantages due to the means it interacts with our body’s endocannabinoid system. When consumed, it interacts with cannabinoid receptors throughout our physique, activating particular pathways to help regulate pain, mood, sleep, and more. In conclusion, CBD and THC are two very different compounds with distinct effects on the body. While THC can produce a feeling of being high, CBD has a extra calming and relaxed feeling. Both work together with the endocannabinoid system differently, making them sensible for treating different medical situations.

#ull #delta 8 near me #delta 8 gummies #delta 8 carts #delta

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ear-worthy · 2 years

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Introducing “The Bleeders:” A New Podcast On Book Writing And Publishing

If you are an aspiring writer or writer in the midst of your career, try a new podcast for you called The Bleeders.

The title is a nod to the famous Hemingway quote: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

The creator and host of this new podcast is Courtney Kocak, who is, among many other achievements, the editor of the podcast newsletter Podcast Bestie. It’s billed as a weekly newsletter and best friend to podcasters seeking jobs, industry info, craft tips, marketing strategies, and creative inspiration.

Kocak announced the podcast in her newsletter, “I’m very excited to announce that the first episode of my new podcast, The Bleeders, launched on Thursday — and since I’m releasing extra episodes this month to celebrate the launch, I dropped the second episode today.”

The first episode kicked things off with Samantha Allen, author of Real Queer America, and her upcoming novel Patricia Wants to Cuddle.

“Samantha shared so many nuggets of wisdom for writers. We talked shop about writing and publishing from start to finish, book advances, narrating her audiobooks and her Audible Original, her foray from nonfiction to fiction, and more,” says Kocak in her newsletter.

Episode # 2 spotlighted feminist noir crime writer Halley Sutton. Kocak explains:

“She wrote the first draft of her debut novel, The Lady Upstairs, while getting her MFA at Otis College of Art and Design in Los Angeles, so we got into the pros and cons of MFAs for writers. And we also talk book number two, since Halley’s currently in the home stretch with her second novel. Halley shared how Pitch Wars helped her first book find its footing, how she turned a rejection letter into an agent, the importance of a midpoint, and other sage advice for fledgling writers.”

Kocak has experienced many successes in podcasting, such as The Bellas podcast, where WWE Superstars, TV personalities and entrepreneurs, Nikki and Brie Bella go head-to-head in a weekly trivia battle, duke it out over juicy debate topics, kill some rumors, and answer questions tweeted in from the Bella Army

In Private Parts Unknown, (the podcast formerly known as Reality Bytes) best friends Courtney Kocak and Sofiya Alexandra bring you along as they traipse from country to country exploring sex, relationships, dating & different types of food poisoning.

Courtney Kocak’s essays have been published in The Washington Post’s Solo-ish column and The Los Angeles Times’s L.A. Affairs column. She was a lifestyle contributor to Bustle, a sex writer for Greatist, and a health and fitness contributor to Hint’s branded blog The Quench. Other bylines include BUST, Healthline, HelloGiggles, and more.

Kocak wrote for Amazon’s Emmy-winning animated series Danger & Eggs, voiced by SNL’s Aidy Bryant. Along with Sofiya Alexandra, Kocak wrote a national Get Out the Vote commercial for the House Majority PAC, starring Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Melissa Fumero and Stephanie Beatriz, which aired leading up to the 2016 election.

Courtney Kocak graduated from Stephens College with my BFA in Theatre Arts, and then went on to UCLA’s graduate-level Professional Program in Screenwriting. In 2018, she completed Second City’s satire writing program and AIR’s Full Spectrum Storytelling Intensive.

The Bleeders is a podcast (and support group) about book writing and publishing. The podcast emphasizes “transparent conversations with authors, agents, and people in the publishing industry about how to write and sell books.”

If you need support with your writing career, check out The Bleeders.

#podcast #writing #publishing

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kitelizard46 · 2 years

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The Physical Symptoms of Emotional Distress - American Statements

6 Tips For Overcoming Emotional Stress - BetterHelp

Emotional stress affects the body! - Home - News Pakistan TV

Emotional and physical stress factors precipitating takotsubo syndrome - Download Scientific Diagram

How 7 Emotional Symptoms of Stress - Healthline can Save You Time, Stress, and Money.

reset your circadian rhythm. You must go for 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Preserve a constant schedule whenever you can Engage in a relaxing pre-sleep regimen of your option. Need More Info? will help indicate your brain that your day is ending Get more sunlight throughout the day, and dim your lights in the night to promote melatonin production, your natural sleep hormonal agent Avoid using any of your electronic devices in the hour prior to bedtime, the blue light of the screen signals your brain that it is time to be awake Plant extracts, vital oils, and aromatherapy have actually been used for centuries for their prospective health benefits. Whether used topically or utilized in aromatherapy, plant essences set off a chemical response within your brain.

The fragrance molecules and other active plant compounds promote the receptors in your brain accountable for memory recall and feelings. Necessary oils can likewise trigger the autonomic reactions that regulate your heart rate, blood pressure, digestive reactions and other involuntary functions.

#negative stress #psychological stress #emotional stress

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simpingforford · 3 years

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Hand Crushed By a Mallet by 100 Gecs and How it is actually about Gravity Falls

Welcome to the long waited 100 gecs song analisis ! Sorry for the wait, I’m just going to dive right into it. (The text is referring to the image right below it)

!! Most of the info I’m using is from the episodes ‘A Tale of Two Stans’ and ‘the Last Mabelcorn’. If I use any sources other than Gravity Falls they will be linked.

The first verse could be a reference to Stan’s line after Ford disappeared into the portal; ‘I just got him back! I can't lose him again!’ He was desperate for someone who cares about him, and he was immediately grateful for Ford for inviting him up to Oregon, at least he was before the fight.

I think that the next verse is talking about Ford’s experience struggling with Bill after Fiddleford left him. Bill could only talk to him when he’s asleep, so he stopped sleeping altogether. According to Healthline, after 24 hours without sleep, paranoia kicks in, which is shown as Ford checking Stans pupils with a flashlight to make sure he’s not possessed by Bill and turning away the skeleton so it can’t listen to them talk. The screenshot of the ‘A Tale of Two Stans’ transcript is full of sleep deprivation symptoms if you look for them.

Here’s a fun article on sleep deprivation, and if you find it as interesting as I do, I reccamend looking into the Russian Sleep Expirament. https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/how-long-can-you-go-without-sleep

The chorus is below.

‘Take my hand, crush it up Spill the blood on the floor I ain't scared, think there's more What the fuck, make it stop Took too long, here right now’

I think those lines are talking about Ford realizing that Bill wasn’t actually his friend, and they were just using him for the portal. I do think its partly Ford’s fault for not thinking to ask where the portal goes until after he finished building it though. Definitely not a big brain move.

I don't want you to think I got bad intentions Never wanted you inside You made it your mission, yeah Didn't wanna hurt no one But you just went and made it fun, fun, fun, fun

Ford didn’t have bad intentions. Everything he was doing was for science and it was going wonderfully. He was living his lifelong dream, doing groundbreaking studies with his boyfriends labpartner and muse. The best years of his life were the years before everything went terribly wrong. ‘Your mission’ is talking about building the portal. I’m guessing Bill didn’t expect it to work. He said he chooses one ‘one brilliant mind a century to inspire’, and if he’s older than time like Ford said, then he could have been monitoring human evolution from the beginning. According to https://www.oldest.org/culture/civilizations/#:~:text=Although%20the%20people%20who%20settled,group%20around%2050%2C000%20years%20ago. (I didn’t read the whole thing, just what came up on google, feel free to correct me), the oldest known civilization is Mesopotamia 75,000 years ago. One person every 100 years for 75,000 years is 750 people. 750 people whose lives were probably ruined by Bill. At this point its probably a game for Bill, and I think its safe to assume that Bill was also trying to open portals with other people in other dimensions, but that’s another discussion.

The next one is pretty obvious, ‘I hear you're lookin' for a way to fight the Corpus bride’ the Corpus Bride being Bill, the Pines are trying to fight him. ‘She's workin' in my mind’ Bill is in Ford’s mind, but this could be referring to Stan or Dipper too (who were both violated by Bill).

‘And you're lookin' for a way to crush It's not enough You fucked up your last try (last try)’

^^ Dipper and Wendy hiding in the mall before fighting Bill or finding Mabel, thinking they didn’t have a chance.

‘You were talkin' business Aiming with your weapon I was on your hit list I felt the compression‘

THis could literally be referring to the scene in Weirdmageddon 1 where Ford shoots Bill, but it could also be a metaphor for how Ford felt it he was overworking himself to build the portal.

Diffinity from Bill’s perspective, could be at any point after Ford told them that the portal was a bad idea.

I think this a metaphor meaning that Bill isn’t directly copying Ford, but he is following him around in his dreams, as shown in ‘the Last Mabelcorn’ in his dream before the intro. Bill was taunting Ford and reminding him that the rift will never be safe.

Whew, that’s the whole song. Reblogs are appreciated as this took over two hours :)

Lyrics: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/100gecs/handcrushedbyamallet.html

Song: Hand Crushed by a Mallet by 100 Gecs (https://open.spotify.com/track/7CUkeiG7QtB7tPU9f8SANS?si=a54408aee3794c7f)

Very real picture of me making this ^^

Thank you so much for reading !! (4/5/21)

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sweetdreamspootypie · 3 years

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plagueblogging

Not having a good time :) :) :)

They updated the locations of interest website with info for wellington and I was at the supermarket at the specified time. Instructions say immediately call healthline and get a test (as well as another test on day 5) except healthline is so busy the autoresponse thing just tells me to call back later and then hangs up on me and the phone line for the testing center coordination just beeps at me.

So.

I guess I’ll just. Sit in my room for 5 days then?

I am so fucking glad I dont have an anxiety disorder bro I cannot fucking imagine being told ‘call back in a few hours and in the meantime just. Sit.’ for people with anxiety disorders or anxious tendencies holy fuck.

So. I guess I’ll hurry up and sit then.

and not go shopping. damnit I’m out of snacks and my mother can’t bring me anything because full level 4 lockdown means staying in your own neighbourhoods and she’s on the other side of the city.

I’m very grateful I spent the morning enjoying sunbeams and doing laundry and making my room nice.

I suppose I should have expected this given I knew there are some cases 1 suburb away from me. maybe I should have tried to go shopping one suburb north instead of one suburb south.

but my local supermarket was a location of interest yesterday too so you kinda just can’t win.

#my life #plagueblogging #hahafuck #my posts

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dontcrywrite · 2 years

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death's graduation excerpt

so this is a bit of experimental writing i did in class! the assignment was to take a piece of writing we already had, and make it into a 'braided' story/essay. in other words, we had to take another 'strand' (either outside research, memory, etc) and weave it into our old writing. i had written some prose fragments of dg before deciding to switch to a screen play format, so that's what i used! the medical information comes from these articles (one two) and i'll put the source info at the end of the post. it's a lot different from my usual writing style - i was trying to go for more of a horror/surreal vibe. hope you like it!

wc: 458

trigger warnings: death, blood (both imagery and medical descriptions), description of stomach wounds

taglist (ask to be added/taken off): @aepreall @quilloftheclouds @writing-is-a-martial-art

She’s cold.

It’s the first thing she’s aware of when she comes too. She can’t feel her fingers and her lips are numb, and it would make sense if it was winter but it’s September -- an unusually warm September at that. The lowest temperature they’ve had all month was fifty degrees. It normally takes a lot more than that for her to get cold.

There’s a strange sort of disconnect when she sits up. The room spins around her, blurring into a collage of colors, but she’s only distantly aware of the fact that she’s dizzy. It’s like everything is trapped behind a wall of glass. She can see it, she knows it’s there, but she can’t feel it.

She looks down and sees --

Herself. Her own body laying on the floor, spreadeagle. Several bloody gashes adorn her abdomen, stomach and other internal organs spilling out into the open air. Her eyes are open, vacantly staring at the ceiling. If she could smell right now, she’s sure the room would be filled with the scent of dried blood and sickly sweet death.

She opens her mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.

ii.

Most adults can lose up to 14% of their blood without experiencing any major side effects.

The side effects start to occur when anywhere between 15-30% is lost. Your heart and respiratory rate accelerates. Nausea is common. In order to compensate for this loss, the body begins to constrict the blood vessels in the limbs. This is the body’s attempt to maintain blood pressure and blood flow. Subsequently, the amount of blood that gets pumped through the body is lowered. Your skin will become cool and pale.

iii.

She’s outside. She doesn’t know how she got there.

The campus is filled with people. People walking in groups. People sitting on the grass and chatting. She stands in the middle of a sidewalk and waits for someone to notice her.

No one does. She waves her hands and shouts herself hoarse and begs for someone, anyone to see her.

She tries not to think about why this is happening. Her mind skitters away from the words death and ghost. Acknowledging that it happened makes it real. It can’t be real. It must be a dream. Maybe if she ignores it and hopes with everything she has, she wake up in her dorm room and chalk it up to reading too many horror stories.

Someone walks right through her. Her body flickers in and out of existence.

iv.

Bleeding to death can happen very quickly. If the hemorrhaging isn’t stopped, a person can bleed to death in just five minutes. And if their injuries are severe, this timeline may be even shorter.

SOURCES

Holland, Kimberly. “How Much Blood Can You Lose Without Severe Side Effects?” Healthline, 25 May 2018, www.healthline.com/health/how-much-blood-can-you-lose.

Holland, Kimberly. “Bleeding to Death: What Does It Feel Like, How Long Does It Take, and Am I at Risk?” Healthline, 28 July 2018, www.healthline.com/health/bleeding-to-death.

#writeblr #original writing #writing excerpt #horror writing #surrealist writing #wip: dg #tw death #tw blood #i was trying so hard to get that surrealist/horror vibe and i hope it hit #my writing is usually very grounded in descriptions #it's been a hot second since i've posted about this wip whoops lol

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maladaptivedangers · 3 years

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the dangers of shifting

sources & important info at the end . read before interacting !

reality shifting - known as the act of shifting one’s consciousness to another reality - has gained great popularity on tiktok in the past year . it’s existed before that , of course , but with it’s current increase in interest , i think it’s important to make this post .

shifting is not a healthy coping mechanism .

shifting is a maladaptive coping mechanism , and includes many of the symptoms listed by healthline , including ( but not limited to ) ...

extremely vivid daydreams with their own characters, settings, plots, and other detailed, story-like features

an overwhelming desire to consider daydreaming [ shifting ]

daydreaming [ shifting ] for lengthy periods , many minutes or hours

shifting can also be considered an escapist coping mechanism , defined as a coping mechanism that is “providing or seeking distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially in the form of entertainment or fantasy”.

so why is this dangerous ? when one becomes immersed in their DR ( desired/designated reality ) , they may feel the need to keep returning to their DR . this detaches the shifter from reality , including the real-life relationships they have with others , which may get replaced with the ones from their DR . this can cause derealization and/or disassociation . this can be especially risky for anyone suffering from depression , psychosis , or any other mental health condition . shifting provides an escape , but this prevents the shifter from addressing their IRL issues . it replaces real relationships with ones inside the shifters head . for psychotic folks , shifting and encouragement that one’s DR is real , which can cause delusions and be potentially dangerous . this blog is dedicated to education about the dangers behind maladaptive and escapist coping mechanisms such as reality shifting . i am not going after an individual nor do i have an issue with individuals who chose to reality shift .

sources ; all sources are from legitimate psychiatric and psychological studies done by professionals .

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1996-97004-022

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0267257X.2018.1477818

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26707384/

Maladaptive daydreaming: A qualitative inquiry

Maladaptive daydreaming and emotional regulation difficulties: A network analysis

#shifting #reality shifting #dr #scripting #maladaptive coping #escapism #bad coping #coping #mental health

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girl4pay · 3 years

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do u have any recs for someone who wants to get into learning abt skincare? i never know which sources to trust

i really love gothamista! i think her recommendations are really thoughtful and she explains herself really well. healthline articles are generally well sourced and there’s a wealth of information there. i don’t like implicitly trust the paula’s choice blog but it’s good as one source among many. asia jackson has fun videos with pretty good product recommendations like she’s not skincare focused but she does do her research. obviously everyone knows jackie aina but she’s another youtuber whose skincare videos i think are researched and thoughtful and not just gimmicky bullshit. the dermstore blog can have good info but they’re also going to be trying to sell you expensive shit so take it with a grain of salt. but yeah honestly when i’m reading about ingredients i go for healthline and when i’m looking for product recs & reviews i go to gothamista. i also am really obsessed with the cut’s why is your skin so good tag for fun but like research any product before you buy it trust what you know about your own skin and take celeb skincare advice with a grain of salt because a lot of them know very little about what they’re putting on their faces

#skincare #Anonymous

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pixieposts · 3 years

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Febuwhump Day 26

AO3

Today’s prompt was “recovery” so this is a little companion piece to yesterday’s prompt. I got all my medical info from healthline and mayoclinic. This will be the very last prompt I fill! I’ve already written 27 and 28, so I’ll have finished with exactly 7 days to spare (it’s the 23rd right now). I hope you enjoy!

Specific TW’s

Brief descriptions of injuries

MotherHen!Fjord

Beau and Yasha arrived at the hospital around noon to pick them up. Fjord had called that morning, explaining the situation and worrying that the truck would be too hard for Caleb to get into. The door flew open, and Caleb winced at the sound.

“Beau, concussion remember?” Fjord glared

“Shit- right sorry man”

She walked over, a sheepish look on her face as she stopped to take in the scene. Fjord knew what she was seeing, because he saw it too. Caleb covered in bandages and bruises, Caleb in a cast, in a hospital, with tubes all around him. Caleb hurt. He caught her eye and grimaced sympathetically; it would be hard for her. A large hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see Yasha smiling tentatively at him.

“We brought clothes”

“Danke Yasha, Beauregard, that was very thoughtful of you”

“No naked ginger butts in the van”

“Such a wonderful sister, your concern is touching”

“I don’t want your ass touching the seats is all”

Fjord rolled his eyes and stood, leaning forward to hit the buzzer for the nurse's station.

The next hour was a blur of activity while the nurse got Caleb unhooked from his machines, Fjord walked him (probably too slowly) to the bathroom to help him change from the hospital gown to the clothes Beau had brought. She had made excellent choices, soft worn sweatpants and a loose fitted t-shirt (one of Fjords, if the way it hung off Caleb’s shoulder was an indication) and a zippered hoodie. Fjord tried not to wince at the sheer amount of bruising that covered Caleb’s skin, but his expression betrayed him. Caleb reached for him as Fjord went to open the door, tugging lightly to get him close before pressing his forehead to Fjord’s shoulder. Fjord held him as gently as he could, feeling the way Caleb’s hands shook where they gripped his shirt. The nurse had given him a rundown off all the necessary caretaking instructions, along with a few printouts with the same information. Beau took Fjords keys and parking lot ticket, offering to drive the truck back to their apartment so he could sit in the van with Caleb.

Getting Caleb into the apartment took much longer than usual, mostly because Fjord refused to let him walk faster than absolutely necessary. Yasha walked in ahead of them, unlocking the door and scooping up a very grumpy Frumpkin. She went ahead, turning on as few lights as she could. Fjord got Caleb settled in his favourite armchair before taping the care instructions to the fridge.

No strenuous activity, limit screens, no driving... Sleep upright at first, icepack for pain, pain meds....

Did they have pain meds? He couldn’t remember the last time they had bought any. He checked the bathroom, pulling out a mostly empty bottle and shaking two loose. Grabbing a glass of water he made his way back to the living room. Yasha had settled herself on the floor cushion Molly had bought them the year before, and Frumpkin was purring in Caleb’s lap. Fjord held out the meds and Caleb sighed.

“You heard the nurse, take them every four hours on the dot unless you want the pain to catch up to you”

Caleb took the meds, swallowing them with the cold water and handed the glass back.

“Beau’s grabbing meds, she wants to know if you want burgers?”

Yasha and Beau left around dinner, keeping an eye on Caleb while Fjord made all the necessary phone calls to Caduceus and Vandran. Caleb wouldn’t be working until his concussion was at least mostly gone, and Fjord knew he wouldn’t work until Caleb could be left alone again. He was suddenly far more thankful for all the horrible overtime shifts he had been working.

The first two weeks were the worst.

Caleb struggled with the effects of the concussion most, the fogginess in his mind was something he wasn't used to. He was forgetful and unbalanced to the point of Fjord insisting on helping him every time he had to walk more than a few steps. It didn’t help that he couldn’t watch TV without an instant headache or read without getting nauseous. Fjord tried to make things as easy as he could, but Caleb was irritable and frustrated by it all. He couldn’t even take a shower without at least leaving the door open in case he got the spins.

“I hate this Fjord, I hate it”

“I know love, it’s got to be frustrating, but-”

“But nothing, this is the worst. I just want to read or sleep normally! Is that so much to ask?”

Fjord just sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder gently and pressing a kiss to his temple. The helpless feeling was something he was rapidly getting used to.

The snappish behaviour continued, only getting worse as time went on. It got to a point that Fjord just stopped talking, as anything he said seemed to set Caleb off. He didn’t blame him of course, Caleb was used to being independent, he was used to working and reading and writing... he couldn’t do any of that. And if he took it out on Fjord well... Fjord was still battling the guilt of leaving him in the hospital by himself all night. It was worse when the nightmares started, Caleb would wake sweating and shaking and absolutely refuse to let Fjord near him. Fjords own nightmares he kept to himself.

Things started to look up as Caleb’s concussion symptoms lessened and he was able to do more on his own, but Fjord still hovered. He tried to hide it as well as he could, but the image of Caleb in the hospital, of the black and purple bruising that had covered his skin... well, that sort of thing is hard to forget.

Four weeks had passed, and Caleb had been given the okay to sleep lying down again, and they were finally getting the cast off his arm. The doctor had been very pleased with the progress his ribs were making as well. They lay in bed the night the cast came off, Caleb lifted his arm up into the air and flexed his fingers.

“Must feel nice”

“It feels... lighter” he sat up, turning to looked at Fjord and chewing his lip “Fjord...”

Fjord sighed, sitting up and pulling Caleb close, he knew that face.

“Whatever you’re about to apologize for, don’t”

“But-”

“Nope” Fjord popped the P before pressing a kiss to Calebs cheek “nothing to apologize for”

“I was awful to you; you were just trying to help”

“You were frustrated and had a literal brain injury Cay. I can’t imagine how... how shitty that must be, and I’m the one who should be apologizing anyway”

“If this is about the phone thing again-”

“You were alone in there, after getting in a massive accident”

It was Caleb’s turn to sigh as Fjord settled them back in bed and Caleb pressed in as close as he could to Fjords side. It was hard not to just roll over and hold him properly, but his ribs still had healing to do and Fjord would be damned before he messed them up.

The next morning while Fjord was making breakfast, Caleb walked into the kitchen looking excited.

“What’s up?”

“Turn around”

Fjord set the pan onto a cool burner and turned, raising an eyebrow curiously as Caleb stepped in close. Caleb slid his arms around Fjord’s waist, holding tight as Fjord wrapped his around the smaller mans shoulders. He rested his cheek against the top of Caleb’s head, taking a deep breath as the comfort of having him close washed over him.

“I realized I didn’t do this yesterday” Calebs voice was muffled against his shirt “I wanted to, because I couldn’t before and... gods it feels so nice”

“I missed it too”

They stood like that, just holding each other, until the toasted buzzed and pulled them back to reality.

The day of Calebs six-week checkup arrived in a buzz of excitement. If the x-rays came back clean, Caleb could go back to his life. Fjord knew he was desperate to get back to work. The concussion was nearly gone from what they could tell, he had been able to read without feeling sick for nearly a week now and the bathroom light was no longer the enemy. If his ribs were healed to a point that the doctors were no longer concerned...

Fjord sat in the waiting room while Caleb was in the x-ray, drinking the horrible hospital coffee and wishing for some of Cad’s tea. The nurse who had been on duty the night of Caleb’s accident came out to get him, smiling encouragingly. He was led down the hall to one of the small consultation rooms, the nurse opened the door and Fjord stepped in. He barely had enough to register the X-rays up on the light screen before Caleb had thrown his arms around Fjord's neck, knocking the air out of him. He caught Caleb instinctively, wrapping his arms around his chest and steadying them both with a laugh.

“Good news I guess?”

He looked over Calebs head to the doctor, who was smiling indulgently as he nodded.

“All clear, his ribs look good as new. Just keep an eye on any lingering concussion symptoms and hopefully we won’t see you any time soon”

“Thanks doc, really”

Fjord managed to steer Caleb out of the room, shuffling them so that he was tucked under Fjord's arm as they walked. They got to the parking lot and Caleb pulled him to a stop before he could open the truck. Fjord turned, and Caleb wrapped himself around him again. Fjord chuckled, burying his nose in the long ginger hair and reveling in the simple pleasure of holding him tight.

“It feels good to have proper grip on you again”

Fjord kissed the top of his head, giving him a squeeze.

“Damn right it does”

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday26 #recovery #brief description of injury #MotherHen!Fjord

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