#he does the same thing with my brother and nirvana

[ruffgem]

Someone in the rbs of that “have you heard this album” islands poll said they were intrigued to listen bc of the album cover ngl thats the only reason I agreed to listen to the unicorns with my dad when I was a kid bc the album cover slapped 😔🤚 the power of nick thorburn putting a funny drawing on the cover

#I was such a dick I would not listen to any music #with my dad #out of stubbornness #but I was in my cartoonist era so #when my dad was like look at this album cover #it worked on me 😔💔🤚 #that was the biggest W of my dads life he will not let me forget my ‘I hate music’ era #I’ll be like ‘I’m gonna go play my bass’ and he’ll be like ‘ur welcome…… for making you see the beauty of music ten years ago’ #LIKE OMG let me live ………. #(jk it’s funny) #he does the same thing with my brother and nirvana #lmfao

[thelightsandtheroses]

1.5: You're face to face with the man who sold the world

Your Hand In Mine | Joel Miller x female reader.

Word Count: 1k Drabble Summary: The morning after meeting you at your insomnia bench, Joel and Ellie meet Tommy for breakfast and Joel reflects on his life in Jackson and the opportunities it presents for Ellie. Warnings: TLOU Part 1 plot spoilers, implied angst, introspectio, no other warnings come to mind, this is very much just some Joel introspection and me starting to delve into his perspective. You do not need to have read Your Hand In Mine to understand this but if you're reading the fic it bridges chapter 1 and 2. Notes: This is my very first drabble and a bit of an experiment for me and has helped me through a little writing block. The next full chapter will be coming soon and will include lots of interaction between the reader and Joel. Drabble title from the song Man Who Sold The World by David Bowie/covered by Nirvana (this is the version I personally love)

Series List | Chapter One |

Joel observes as Ellie takes another forkful of food, her gaze rising to watch him for a second before turning her attention back to her meal.

Change hasn’t always meant great things for Ellie. Jackson has been a big adjustment. She’s back at school after almost a year on the road, after everything they endured there. It’s her first time in a school not run by FEDRA though, her first time living in a community like this.

Joel still remembers Before, but he knows Ellie has no point of reference here. He’s never truly thought about that before, about the way this world looks to kids born after the outbreak. He’s been too lost in his grief and survival to ever think about things like that, but now he thinks about it all the time.

He takes a forkful of his own food, trying to stifle a yawn. Ellie doesn’t need to know he’s not sleeping; he doesn’t need her worrying about him. Colorado was bad enough. He’s supposed to look after her. That’s why he bought her here after Salt Lake City.

From the corner of his eye, Joel notices Tommy walk into the hall. Tommy raises a friendly hand before getting his own portion of food and joining them as your earlier words echo in Joel’s mind.

Heard you and Tommy are good on patrol …

Years ago, Tommy abandoned left him in Boston. He made it clear that the way they’d survived haunted him and whether he said it or not, he blamed Joel. Probably still does. 

Joel can carry that though. It’s okay. He kept his brother alive, didn’t he? So, as far as he’s concerned, he did his job and maybe there were better ways, but he worked with the tools he had at the time.

‘Hey Joel, Ellie,” Tommy says cheerfully.

“How’s it going?” Joel asks.

“It’s good, it’s good.” Tommy pauses. Despite his bright exterior, Joel recognises his sleep deprived eyes. His brother’s expression is one he remembers well from when Sarah was a baby. It’s strange to see it mirrored on his baby brother’s face now; a sign of how much time has really passed.

“Yeah, you look like it’s real good,” Joel says wryly. “Baby keeping you up?” Tommy’s a father now. Joel wishes it didn’t tear a little piece of his heart apart each time he looks at his niece’s face, but it does. It should be a blessing not a wound, but it cuts him so deeply.

She’s like Sarah, but she’s not Sarah. 

“She’s sleeping a little,” Tommy retorts quickly.

“Oh yeah?” Joel asks, raising an eyebrow at Ellie who fails to stifle her own laugh.

“Yeah.” Joel remembers how when his niece was born, Tommy had boasted she was sleeping already, that she was going to be a good baby.  Joel didn’t quite have the heart to warn him this was common, that she was unintentionally lulling him into a false sense of security.

His brother has made a life here. Maybe Joel can do the same, maybe it isn’t too late. He can feel that promise of hope, something he can hardly even remember from before.

The last twenty years have been built on violence, threat assessment and mitigation. They’ve been about survival and nothing else.

Until now.

Jackson is the first place Joel thinks he might be able to breathe. If there weren’t the continual ghosts of what he’s done,  the fact he’s keeping the truth about what happened at that hospital from Ellie.

He’d do it again for her though.

Every. Damn. Time.

It doesn’t make it any easier to sleep at night though.

  He didn’t expect to run into anyone when he left the house this morning. In Boston when he didn’t sleep, there were pills and alcohol, but it’s different now. He just needed to clear his head, walk around a little so he didn’t disturb Ellie.  He’d found the bench a few days before, but he could never have anticipated you being there too, or that either of you would start talking.

When Joel looks across the hall, as he listens to Ellie and Tommy talking, he notices you’re walking into the hall as if his thoughts had somehow summoned you.

He watches you smile broadly as you sit with two men and a teenage boy. You’re deep in conversation, a faint smile on your face as you collect your food and your group sit a couple of tables away from Joel’s family and dive into an animated conversation.

When Joel next looks over, you tip your head slightly as you laugh, bare a tiny bit of throat. He shouldn’t notice that.

You’re both the same and completely different to the woman he met on the bench last night. He notices you stifle a yawn when you think no one is looking, the only hint he’s seen that you’re hiding something from your group.

There’s something about you, about the conversation you shared that is drawing him in like a siren’s song.

He could ask Tommy about you. He could find out more about who you are, who you’re with, the life you lead outside of a bench in the middle of the night. Seeing you with your group, he recalls vague introductions and details from when he first came to Jackson. You’re something to do with the library? He can’t remember the links between the two men and you, but he recognises enough of you in the teenage boy to make the connection that he is clearly a relative of some type.

It doesn’t feel right to ask for information though. He’s curious, but something in Joel tells him that if he wants to get to know you, the real you, then all he needs to do is walk over to that bench on another sleepless night.

“Everything okay?” Ellie asks, looking up from her plate with a frown. “Joel?”

Tommy looks over at Joel then, raises an eyebrow with a silent question.

“Sure, kiddo. Hey, did you say you found a new book on space the other day?”

“Yeah, I did,” she says animatedly, “It’s really cool actually. The library here has a lot of books that weren’t in my old school library. Plus, they have DVDs, Joel. DVDs!”

Joel can’t help the way his smile widens as he listens to Ellie continue to talk. Everything he did between Boston and Salt Lake City; it was worth it for this.

He can feel hope setting root in his body, unfamiliar and strange. Maybe change is a good thing.

Tag List

YHIM: @orcasoul @pedropascalsbb g@yoursoulsunbreakable @iamskyereads @genetics4life@everyth1ngfan @frickatives @perennialdoll247 @joels-darlin @anavatazes @survivingandenduring @suzmagine @srmacaroni

Everything Pedro tag-list: @harriedandharassed @pedrostories @hiroikegawa @pedrosaidsheispunk

If you want to be added to (or removed from) one of the tag lists, let me know or you can get notifications for @thelightsandtheroses-fics if you prefer. If you do not have an age or age range showing you are over 18, I will not add you to this list. I block ageless and blank blogs.

#your hand in mine fic #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #the last of us hbo #aka the insomnia bench fic #joel miller drabble

[gracebethartacc]

FINALLY.... UPDATED JJHH REDESIGNS..!!!!!!!

Ermmmm design notes/hcs bc I don’t remember ever going into detail the first time soooo:

-more pleasing/more coherent color palette/color coding (orange for Jackson blue for Holt) bc god the og colors are way too all over the place

-sun/moon, yin/yang, half n half etc motif (the necklace, pants, sweater, earrings etc etc)

-holt isn’t straight up blue because.... brother look at his og design.... -_-

-slightly darker skin tone than canon just bc I think darker skinned Jackson designs are cool, tho I’m not 100% certain on his ethnicity just yet? Still up in the air like I said it was mostly just bc it looks cool to me lol

-more punk/emo type clothes for holt (patches on his jacket, nail polish, platform boots etc (tho technically I like the idea Jackson was the one who bought the platforms just bc I think he really likes emo fashion but doesn’t want to outright wear it))

-also keeping the clothes the same/consistent bc i find the logic of them magically having entire different wardrobes when they switch kinda strange lol ?

-hybrid features (you can’t see it here but Jackson also has fangs not just holt, and the “dyed” part of his bangs i like to imagine is actually side effect of being part fire elemental and his hair might slightly flare up if he’s mad methinks) (holt is the same too like his hair fading from Jacksons brown to the orange instead of being just full on fire, also his skintone being a bit human leaning and not like multicolor) I’ve not designed Heath but if I did then holts human aspects would be a lot more apparent to have a full fire elemental for comparison

-holts patches on the jacket are all just lots of dad rock bands I grew up listening to that I think he’d like (if you’re curious considering a few of them are just logos/not got the name, in order: Queen, the cramps, the white stripes, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, twisted sister, nirvana, journey (I saw them at concert actually!!), Pink Floyd, and cheap trick!^^)

-if it’s not also obvious from holts jacket but: duality boys got the transmasc/bi swag, alsoooo some autism/adhd too (tho not sure which one it would be specifically ?)

-hc that instead of music it’s overstimulation/stress that causes the switch, for holt tho I’d say it’s the reverse so like it would be understimulation? (This idea isn’t very new tho I’ve seen a lot of ppl do it but it just makes a bit more sense to me tbh, also plays into the duality aspect more) I’d say things go more by DID rules (tho canon does that too kinda? But also not really??), so fronting isn’t strictly stress related and can be controlled/at will, and I hc they have a kind of head space type thing but I’ve yet to get it down on paper just yet

-OH I FORGOT TO MENTION:

Based the cardigan on the one komos has in the movie bc it’s one of my favorite outfits that they used :D

Um I think there might have been more stuff I wanted to say but can’t think of anything else, sorry if this was rambly/I said stuff I’ve already talked abt it’s just bc I’ve not done MH stuff for a hot second so wanted to do a little hc recap, plus had fun going over the character design stuff !! ^^

ALSO: holts patches in full quality bc they where fun to edit/draw for a few of em:

#monster high #jackson jekyll #holt hyde #mh #monster high redesign #jackson monster high #holt monster high #monster high jackson #monster high holt #monster high au #this reminds me I still don’t have an official name for this outside of like monster high rewritten but that doesn’t feel accurate #Bc it’s more like a what if scenario/me playing around with hcs and not like a FULL on rewrite #Idk it only just hit me lol #mh fanart #mh jackson #mh holt

[samynnad102687]

I lost the map...

@struttingstag Feb 27 Prompt: I lost the map...

James/Regulus, James & Sirius & Remus | 1212 words

Warnings: none

They had the car packed for their road trip from London to Manchester last night. Everyone met at James' house the next morning to go over the trip. It was the first day of July, and James still couldn't believe that his parents were allowing him to go on a road trip with his friends. It was the summer before they finished their last year of secondary school. Well, except for Regulus, who was going into year eleven.

"Do we have everything?" Remus asked as he was folding up the map that he had just laid out on the hood of the car.

"I think so," Sirius said, although he didn't sound too sure about it.

Remus looked at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. James took that opportunity to grab Regulus and sneak back into the house. They still needed to get snacks and drinks for the road. James also wanted to look through his CDs again and make sure that he didn't miss any important ones.

"What are you doing?" Regulus asked with a hint of amusement in his tone.

James kissed him on the cheek quickly, "Getting snacks. What does it look like?"

"It looks like you are trying to avoid being dragged into whatever my brother just got himself into."

"That too," James pointed at Regulus before he went back to the pantry and pulled out crisps, fruit winders, and a whole array of sweets.

"You're going to make yourself sick with all of that sugar," Regulus scolded as he pocketed a package of Jammie Dodgers and a candy necklace.

James decided it was best to ignore the obvious theft from the pile of sweets. He grabbed a couple of bags from the pantry to put everything in. He made his way to his bedroom next with Regulus trailing behind him. He figured that Regulus just wanted to avoid his brother for as long as he could before they spent the next four hours or so on the road together. James was checking his CDs when a pair of arms slinked around his waist as James grabbed Nirvana's Nevermind and Queen's A Night At The Opera albums and Regulus whispered in his ear.

"How long do you think we have?"

"Not long enough for what you're thinking, love," James replied dejectedly.

"Hmm. Too bad."

Regulus shrugged before he started to walk back over to the door as if he was fine with getting nothing. James made it across the room before he could make it and scooped Regulus up into his arms and he crashed their lips together eagerly. James didn't know how long they stayed like that but when they finally made their way back outside, it was with slightly more messed up hair and hastily straightened clothes. Both Sirius and Remus gave them a quizzical look and Sirius pretended to gag as soon as he figured it out. Remus just shook his head, as if they weren't just doing the same thing. James knew they were.

After double and triple-checking that they had everything, James said goodbye to his parents and the four of them piled into the SUV. Remus was driving, which also meant that Sirius was in the passenger seat and in control of the music. Regulus complained about that when the first thing Sirius put in was David Bowie. They got into a ten-minute argument about what was classified as good music. James and Remus just looked at each other in the rearview mirror but didn't say anything.

The first hour was peaceful after the brothers finally agreed on an artist they both liked, Nirvana. Sirius switched the CD to Nirvana and everyone was belting out Smells Like Teen Spirit at the top of their lungs. They ate most of the snacks and James regretted downing three fizzy drinks.

"When's the next rest stop?" James asked from the back seat.

"About twenty kilometres, why?" Remus informed him, absentmindedly as he glanced at James through the rearview mirror.

"I really gotta take a piss."

"Didn't you go before we left?" Regulus raised an eyebrow in question.

"Well, I would have if we weren't otherwise occupied," James whispered and hoped the music was loud enough for the other two to not hear him.

"I told you to go before we left," Remus sighed.

"Yeah, well. I was getting snacks and forgot."

"Ugh, can you hold it for another fifteen minutes?"

"Possibly."

"No more drinks," Sirius laughed before he turned the music up more.

They made it to the rest stop in ten minutes and James practically fell out of the car as he tried to get to the restroom. He vaguely noticed that the other three got out of the car as well and followed, albeit at a slower pace. Once everyone's bladders were empty, they checked out the cafe next to the rest stop and hung out for a little bit. James and Sirius decided to climb some of the trees at the park while Remus and Regulus talked, probably about James and Sirius being idiots as they so lovingly liked to call them. James didn't care.

They climbed back into the SUV after James and Sirius managed to run off most of the excess energy they got from the sugar and being stuck in the car. Remus took one last look at the map before he folded it back up and handed it to Sirius. Sirius smirked at his brother before he decided to put in his Twisted Sister album and started belting out We're Not Going To Take It. Regulus grabbed his headphones and laid down in James' lap with his feet half on the seat and half on the window. James didn't even know that he brought his Discman with him.

"Hey, can I see the map?" James asked after Regulus fell asleep and Sirius turned down the music.

"Why?"

"I just want to see where we are."

Sirius shrugged and handed it back. James was looking at it loosely and running his finger along the path that Remus had marked out. Sirius rolled down his window to light up a fag after a couple of minutes. James knew that if Regulus smelt it while he was sleeping, they would all be in for a lecture and nobody wanted to deal with Regulus when he woke up. So being the good boyfriend that he was, James rolled down his window too just to make sure that the smell didn't get to him.

He went back to looking at the map and noticed all of the places that Sirius had marked off as possible stops. After a few minutes, he reached down to grab another fizzy drink. That was a mistake. Remus turned onto a bypass and the wind caught that map, sucking it out the window. James turned his head quickly to see if he could spot it but it was gone. Oh, he was in trouble.

"Sirius, where's the next turn?" Remus asked not even a minute later.

"Umm, let me look. James, can I have the map back?"

"Uhh-" James started dumbly.

Sirius turned around and Remus glared at him in the rearview mirror.

"Please tell me you are joking," Remus nearly shouted, waking up Regulus in the process.

Also posted on Ao3: From Here to There

#marauders fandom #dead gay wizards #regulus arcturus black #marauders fanfiction #james fleamont potter #regulus x james #sirius orion black #remus lupin #remus and james #sirius and james #jegulus microfic

[weather-cluddy]

My Mikoto playlist, for all your waiting for Double needs.

A Sleepwalker On This Mortal Shore/A Sleepwalker Gazing on Nirvana, by Hello Tanita-san/Tatsuya Kitani. (Self-cover)

Fun fact, the animation for this one was made by Mana Inoue, same person who did the PV for Weakness, How To Be in Love With You and Bring it On! You can definitely see the similarities with the first two, with the use of photographs 'glued' to 2D drawings. This one pushes the body horror a fair bit further, though. Be prepared for writhing brains made of realistic human fingers and such. (Also, the vocaloid version's CC subs has a mistake at 2:23)

OP by Hachiya Nanashi

Flight Instinct by Last Note

Run! by Polysics

Opening from Cells at Work Black, in which your average overworked salaryman's body is depicted as a 'black company' in miniature where their cells must struggle not so much to fix things as to just postpone the inevitable for another day, growing increasingly desperate and despondent all the while. IIRC, things got bad enough that the English version of the last few manga volumes shipped with suicide hotline numbers in the back.

Somehow still the cheeriest song in here.

Disordered Self-restraint Girl by otetsu (Note: flashing lights)

There's Supposed to be a Cheat Code for Happiness by UtataP

Ceremony Day and Manhole by Polyphonic Branch

Walk Tall and Die by TadanoCo/4o

You might know this one from the Eve cover, which has more views than the original. I really enjoyed the lyrics, both individual lines and as a whole. It's quite nice how they go from harsh and frustrated to softer as the song goes on.

There Was No Savior by YASUHIRO (Translation)

Disqualified Town by Yonaka

Fun fact: I picked this song before Mikoto's T2 cover got announced, so the fact that MV shows Miku wearing a gas mask is 100% a coincidence.

On An Empty Morning by kemu (Utaite ver.) (Translation)

I really like this song because the tone changes a lot depending on your interpretation. Does the calm tune represent the singer at long last achieving peace after terrible pain, leading a life that's mundane and sometimes difficult but ultimately worthwhile? Or have they just sunk into apathy, emotionlessly sacrificing other people just to continue their empty lifestyle, having so little concept of happiness that they actually think they're fulfilled by this?

Both options are pretty interesting. And well, in the context of Mikoto's crime, "I take someone’s fleeting future and use it as a stepping stone" takes on a new meaning.

I Hear the Sound of Someone Else's Business by Ame no MurakumoP (Translation)

I linked to a fan PV that honestly deserves more attention (less than 30 views, seriously!?). The PV uses a lot of white and dark blue, but I don't think it switches fast enough to require a flashing lights warning? The official upload uses a still image, if it helps.

Synesthesia Ghost by Nekobolo/sasanomaly

La Mersonnalité by Misato Kurematsu

Don’t Carry Our Memories Away by rinri (EMA ver.) (Translation)

The EMA cover isn't official or anything, but it's my favorite version so I'm gonna link it too. The original does have the advantage of having Mikoto Meika singing it, though.

It's kind of interesting how different the illustrations for the original and the cover feel: in the original we see the boy smiling desperately wide as he faces towards the shore, like he's reassuring somebody watching. Meanwhile in the cover he looks indifferent or perhaps annoyed, but for the last chorus he turns around fully and splashes around as if inviting you to follow him.

Childhood by MushiP

The Good Child and the Fox by Kikou

Silver Warp by YUUKI MIYAKE/Napoli-P (Utaite ver.) (Translation)

I was going to write about how Ore would be the brother that gets caught when escaping and is implied to stab his parents, while Boku is the one that gets away... and then I noticed the funerary portrait at the end. Just pretend it isn't there, I guess Or take it metaphorically.

The Full-Throttle Abscondence. by Pekoro

Delusion Girl by Touyu

This playlist is mostly based on Boku, but I see this song as being about both alters. The whole "crushing despair of normalcy" part being obviously Boku, and the desire to save somebody to justify your own existence being Ore. I think that if Fuuta were a bit older this song would fit him pretty well too.

Hide and Seek -reprise- by BuzzG (Translation)

Magician In Love by Koyori

Imposter Advisory by 150p (Utaite ver.) (Alternate translation) (Note: flashing lights)

Perfect Crime Love Letter by 150p (Utaite ver. + alternate translation) (Note: flashing lights)

Red is Scary by Iyowa (Translation)

Cyber Thunder Cider by EZFG

It Takes 3 Minutes to Listen to a 3 Minute Song by Owata-P

There's No One Who's Bad at Art by Suttaka

Love, Me Normally by Will Wood (Lyrics)

Dense Forest of Morals by OPA (Translation)

I'm Controversial by Ado (Note: flashing lights)

Fraulein=Biblioteca by nyanyannya

I'm imagining this one being sung by Es, or at least Mikoto's impression of Es (kind of like the shadow Es from Backdraft). I think in a way it fits all the guilty prisoners, but the lines about sleep talk and "I'll make you remember your sins" make it even better for Mikoto especifically.

No.4 THE EMPEROR by Owata-P (Translation)

I Can't (Mar)read the Situation by CosMo

This one is more of a "How Mikoto views the world" song than one strictly about Mikoto. Don't neglect your social skills in favor of your true self or you will be doomed to a life of envy, regret and isolation. Also the Earth will explode. Truly a sobering reminder.

A Lethargic Coup d'état by Last Note

The Taste of Cockroach by Maretu

Most people would probably think of this one as a Fuuta or Muu song, and I do agree (more Muu than Fuuta imo). But honestly, while Mikoto would never start a bullying campaign, I can totally see him as a bystander, the kind of person who insist that everyone should just talk it out and then everything will be fine. Of course, we still don't know what caused his murder, only that apparently being kidnapped was an improvement. So you could also view him as the victim, which gives new meaning to those weird lines in the middle of the song that really don't sound like they're from the same person as the rest...

But mostly, I added this song for the "shadows lurking under the light/denial" angle, which is theme for the last section of the playlist. I don't really know enough about music to sort it by genre/sound similarities, so I organized it by themes! Or at least I tried to put similar songs together so they'd "flow" into each other.

Everything is an Illusion by Pongini (Translation in the replies of the pinned comment)

I Look Up as I Deliver by POLYSICS (Alternate translation)

The ending for Cells at Work Black. Fun fact, this song's name is most likely based on I Look Up as I Walk AKA Sukiyaki.

#milgram #mikoto kayano

[raxistaicho]

Edelgard fans don’t have to apologize for Adrestia

So something I saw but didn’t really comment on in yesterday’s post was Fewix’s (if anyone’s curious why I keep calling Emblemxeno that, it’s because his Reddit handle is just Felix’s name but spelled all cutesy and I think that’s kinda funny. The only reason I even know Emblemxeno and Fewix are the same person is because his reddit has links to his tumblr right on the front page) efforts to portray the Empire as the real sexists in Fodlan.

This is part of a trend of repurposing arguments from our side that I’ve seen out of Edelgard Critical. A really cute example of this is the Analyzer using the Byleth is a Bodhisattva in Crimson Flower argument (a Bodhisattva is a being that has achieved enlightenment but chooses to remain in the earthly realm to help others achieve enlightenment as well. It’s a refutation of the idiotic “Byleth loses nirvana in CF” claim) to say that ackshually, Byleth’s only REALLY a Bodhisattva in Azure Moon! You know, the route where Byleth embraces their divinity and becomes the archbishop.

Yeah, are you starting to see why my nickname for him is more an insult than anything else?

But I digress. Edelgard Critical is trying to steal our arguments because they haven’t had a cogent new one in about two years.

Technically Mercie wasn’t thrown out but instead ran away, but that’s quibbling. Fewix actually neglected to mention Hanneman’s sister. Also the first point is amusing because Fire Emblem’s long had a trouble spot with not allowing women to inherit positions of authority on their own (even in recent times, with Hinoka being implied to be third in line for the Hoshidan throne behind her younger brother Takumi, and Camilla passing the throne of Nohr to her younger brother Leo) and yet it’s not our side that has to flee to series tradition when stating our case. And it’s not even true given whether or not Edelgard will inherit the Adrestian throne is never in question. Fewix seems to be blowing up the solitary case of Bernadetta to encompass all of the Empire (and Bernadetta does keep her house anyways, so...).

So yeah, you can certainly find some cases of Adrestia’s conduct being shitty in the past. And yet this isn’t the winning argument Fewix thinks it is because, unlike with Faerghus, excuses are never made for Adrestia’s past, the player is never asked to ignore their misdeeds, and Edelgard fixes their problems.

Dorothea’s mysterious father? Never treated as anything but a scumbag who kicked out her mother and condemned Dorothea to her miserable early life (and it’s real cute seeing Edelcrit suddenly becoming Dorothea stans when it suits them).

Bernadetta’s father? Treated as nothing more than a figure of scorn and contempt. He’s put under house arrest by Edelgard in Houses and given a gilded cage in Hopes that he spends almost three years occupying in a state of perpetual mortal terror. Hopes even doubles-down on this, by stating clearly that keeping Yuri from assassinating Bernie when they were younger was not an act of love and Bernie doesn’t forgive him because of it.

Baron Bartels? An unambiguous monster who abused Mercedes and her mother and created the Death Knight, leading to his unmourned death.

Petra’s treatment and the treatment of Brigid? An injustice Edelgard is working to correct, with Three Hopes going much further into detail on it.

See where I’m going with this? Every Adrestian crime is treated as a crime, every Adrestian abuser is treated as an abuser. Edelgard is working to correct the system that enabled these injustices. The Adrestia that did these things is not her Adrestia.

Now how about Faerghus?

The Faerghan Lords and soldiers that committed the genocide of the people of Duscur? Largely ignored in Three Houses, because Azure Moon is only interested in Duscur insofar as it can serve as window dressing for Dimitri’s personal tragedy, around which all of Faerghus and all of Azure Moon revolves. For fuck’s sake, in Three Houses you even help racist Faerghan jackboots suppress a justified Duscurian rebellion, and if you don’t join in on this crackdown you’re punished by losing Dedue.

The conquest of half of Sreng by Faeghus? What conquest? Three Houses doesn’t give a fuck (because it’s got jack all to do with Dimitri), and Three Hopes just makes Faerghus look even worse!

Matthias Gautier, who joined with King Lambert to beat around the people of Sreng until Macuil knocked the invaders back in their place, and then kept a Srengese prince prisoner for years and in modern times only disparagingly refers to him as an ungrateful “prisoner”? Treated as a troubled man and a bit of an dishonorable schemer, but still a good man at his core.

Dimitri never takes measures to correct the cultural norms that enable Faerghus’s worst behavior because they’re never treated as a problem to be corrected. That’s why Faerghus stans have to defend, ignore, or sidestep Faerghus’s misdeeds. The crimes the Adrestia of the past committed are indeed crimes that Edelgard is working to fix.

Therefor, criticizing Adrestia as a means to criticize Edelgard or defend Faerghus isn’t the strong argument the other side believes it is.

#Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem three hopes #edelgard discourse #edelgard positive #edelgard von hresvelg #Faerghus Critical #Fewix #the Analyzer

[paramorearchived]

June 17, 2010

Transcript:

strange youth

long time coming, this post is....... was.... why am i talking like yoda now?

so, i'm really excited to be writing here. not really sure what i'm going to write about yet but that's what makes it exciting. i guess i can start with, it's been a wild month, to say the least. "life is a daring adventure or nothing at all". is there really more to say about that than that? ok, well one more thing... human beings are no less respectable when they are at their most vulnerable. and that's why i try to have faith in people. 

right now, it's about 12:30am - we landed here in Hamburg, Germany about 10 hours ago. all i've done is sleep, watch movies and "glaze" my hair. i'm trying not to dye it at all this summer besides right before the honda civic tour. i like the way the colors fade and how strung out i start to look with my hair turning all sorts of greenish yellow. it's even better when i don't wear any make-up out. what a sight. anyways, i'm tired and at the same time completely restless. and in, what some people would call, a "desperate need" for a shower. and what's most exciting is that my face wash spilled out into the rest of my toiletry bag. there's still a little left though.  on the flight over, i read half of a new book i've started called Wonderland Avenue. it's by Danny Sugerman, in case you're interested, who happens to be my voice doctors' brother. NEATO! the author of this book not only met and hung around The Doors as a young kid around the age of 13 ... but by the time he was out of his teens he was already managing them AND Iggy Pop. (if you aren't aware of these artists, get to googling). so yeah, couldn't put that book down until finally i had to... cause me and jeremy wanted to watch Shutter Island on the plane tv's. that's right, folks, business class seats have an assortment of movies available to you on little personal tv's. what a bunch of snobs we must be! by the time we were done with that movie we realized we still weren't tired so we watched Fantastic Mr. Fox (directed by Wes Anderson, an absolute genius)... and then as jeremy fell asleep i proceeded to doodle in my journal and listen to Nirvana's 'Incesticide', then Mumford and Sons' 'Sigh No More'. it was a good flight. clearly, i got a lot of things accomplished.

again, i'm still just sitting here in my hotel room letting the orange glaze sit in my hair until i finally give in to a shower. i didn't even have enough orange left to cover my full head, so just get over it when you see me and i look like a hot mess. 

maybe now is a good place and time to state my opinion on our being everywhere at the same time. seems like we've got just about every magazine covered this month, people are playing our songs and i'm singing on B.o.B's song and it's just crazy all the time. i do love it... it's a lot of fun to work hard and see your work all around you. yet at the same time, there are still large number of people that i don't think will ever get it. the SPIN article (you know, the cover one) that was just printed about us doesn't really seem to say anything ABOUT us as a band. and it seems that in most cases writers simply enjoy looking at us and exclaiming - like they've discovered something huge - "THEY'RE YOUNG!" or of course there's always, "THEY'RE CHRISTIANS"... or "THEY DON'T SHOOT UP IN THE BACK OF THE BUS!" what is this the 80's? is it really that sensational that we aren't the second coming of Motley Crue? does our music suggest that we should be acting otherwise? listen, i'm not trying to sit here and wreck the writer from SPIN. i'm sure it's hard to get a handle on any band within the amount of time given to capture "our story". maybe reading articles about us just gets a little monotonous, that's all. oh and i'm not actually friends with McLovin or Miley. awkward turtle.

and on a slightly different tip, it's my opinion that anyone who is coming onto our band looking for controversy is completely missing the point. the point isn't in the intent of controversy, the point is that there is no way around it. as people, aren't we all bursting at the seams with conflict and controversy? the point of our music is that there are human hearts in it. because anyone knows that eventually, someone will find something on you. if you don't do drugs, you probably have another addiction. even innocent. we could stop looking for the wrongs and realize that they're inevitable on the way to something more meaningful. i'm not totally preaching here. talking to myself as well, in case you wondered. who knows? maybe i really am just bored with giving music journalists the benefit of the doubt. like they're really gonna let people know what we would want to tell them. yet still, i want to have faith in people. and anyways, what WOULD we want to tell people if we had that much space to write about ourselves? it would probably end up just the same. does it ever bug you guys? do you ever feel like some people are just missing it? 

when you come to a show do you feel the same thing that i feel when i'm on that stage? i mean, i know you're not standing on the stage... but surely you can feel the same energy that i'm feeling, to some degree. it's so much more powerful than all the trivial nonsense that people chalk our band up to be. it means something great and it feels empowering. it's the grace of knowing that we can all totally suck and be a little messed up and then stand in a room with thousands of other people who are exactly the same way, no matter how dressed up they look on the outside, and we can be broken all the same. 

man, what have i gone and spouted off about now? sorry for such a long winded, self-serving type of post.  i'm ready to wash this crap out of my hair and try to sleep til the show tomorrow.  we are actually sharing the stage with The Get Up Kids, Hot Water Music and Dropkick Murphy's tomorrow. should be a good one!

<3 hayley

#paramore #hayley williams #2010 #livejournal

[melancholysway]

Serendipity (2007!Raphael x Fem!Reader) 7

CHAPTER VII: Connectedness

Chapter key:

——— = a flashback is happening or ending (——— followed by italics means the flashback is beginning)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ or ====

= perspective change

~ = small time skip

It had been a couple of weeks since you first met Raphael’s family. Determined to learn more about each member, you took the time to know each turtle individually.

You started first with Leonardo. He was the one you sensed that was wary of you the most. In just a few weeks, you learned some about who you later found out was the leader of the brothers.

---

“Leo?” After a couple of soft knocks on the shut wooden door, Leonardo pauses moments from beginning his meditation. He recognizes your voice and gets up from his criss-cross position.

Sliding the door open, he’s greeted with your smiling face. The only time the two of you have exchanged words was when you first met him, and the little comments you made here and there in a group conversation together.

“Hey, I was actually gonna start my woo-sa session,” Looking behind Leonardo, you see the different shelves full of lit candles and ambient white-noise playing from a tiny speaker.

“Did I interrupt? My bad, I just wanted to say hey to you,” Leonardo shakes his head and tells you it’s okay, inviting you inside the dojo.

“The vibe is nice in here,” You compliment, Leo seemed very clear of mind, and he thinks about how you would feel if he asked if you wanted to join him for a bit. Judging by the way Raphael has been acting around you, it’s clear that the turtle has a thing for you, and he didn’t want to get in the way of it or cause his brother to be jealous.

“That’s the point of meditation, you need a clear room with good energy and a good mindset to reach nirvana,” Sitting back down in his position on the chestnut rug with Japanese kanji text woven into it (thanks Raphael, for knitting that,) he pats the spot across from him, and you walk over to sit, accepting his invitation.

“Wanna try?” He asks. Leonardo seemed to enjoy meditation when it was on his own, but he was pausing his session to teach you how to do it. So, why not take this opportunity?

“Yeah, I’ll give it a shot.” You mimic Leo’s position, and sit criss-cross, your elbows resting on your knees. He takes a deep breath in, and you do the same.

“The goal is to clear your mind, anything negative you may be feeling prior to this session should be gone by the end of it.” You like the sound of that, the only thing you’ve been stressed about somewhat is work. Everything in your life has been going great so far, you repaired your friendship with Raphael, and you expanded your friend circle when he introduced you to his family. Was there something else that might be making you slightly stressed?

Maybe the fact that you were struggling with your feelings toward the hothead. You’re trying to find some type of courage to figure out what to say to him. I mean, what’s the worst he can say? He doesn’t see you that way? Besides, there’s been plenty of times you both have flirted with each other (although in a joking manner.)

So yes, maybe you needed this meditation session.

You follow Leo’s instructions, and he takes his time teaching you the proper way to begin meditating. It’s something new to you, but you were open to trying something that infatuated one of Raph’s brothers. Copying Leo, you’re breathing in and out the same time as he does, and you soon find yourself calm. Closing his eyes, you do the same, darkness now engulfing your sight.

Your mind on the other hand immediately raced to Raphael.

Your friendship hadn’t changed, if anything, it was better. But he constantly made his way into your thoughts, especially when you were down in the lair.

Speaking of the lair, it was a great place. Something new always happened down there, and you came to love it. Whether it be Leonardo trying to cook something, Donatello blowing something up in his lab, Splinter giving you the latest gossip on his soap opera, or Michelangelo playing a new video game and skateboarding in places he shouldn’t.

Raphael seemed to like spending the most time with you when he could anytime you were down in the lair. Alone, might I add. Sure, he spent time with his brothers and you as a group, but he much preferred to be with you alone. Whether it be trying to impress you in the dojo when he decided to give you some self-defense lessons, or just chilling in his room (you came to like Raphael’s room, it was quite comfortable.)

Speaking of, Raph’s room (although it might be pretty shocking to some,) is clean. During Leonardo’s absence and when he was the Nightwatcher, Raphael only really used his room to sleep. Unlike his brother Donatello who had tiny little inventions scattered on his desks everywhere, and Mikey who had a bunch of random items he bought online with his Cowabunga Carl money. Leonardo is the turtle with the cleanest room, and Raph comes in second place. Raph’s living quarters become slightly cluttered if he’s having a not-so-good day, or Mikey’s been inside. Not only that, but he makes sure it’s spotless when you visit (just in case.) he usually only had weights neatly stacked if he wanted to get a quick workout in his hammock.

Anyways, back to your meditation session.

Unbeknownst to you, a whole hour had passed. You opened your eyes after you felt several taps on your shoulder by Leonardo. He smiles, “How was it?”

“I feel like…” “Brand new?” The brown-eyed turtle finishes your sentence. You laugh slightly and nod, “Yeah, brand new.”

“Glad I was the one who popped your meditation cherry,” You give Leonardo a poker face and he gives one back, and suddenly both erupt in a fit of laughter and snorts.

“Mikey is constantly moving and distracted, Donnie can’t seem to clear his mind, and Raph isn’t always up to meditate most of the time.” It was mainly Leonardo and Master Splinter who took meditation seriously and made it one of their hobbies, so you were open to meditating more.

After talking with Leonardo a bit after, you realized he was a pretty easy-going turtle. He sometimes could be cocky due to his leadership title, but he always was able to back it up. Not only that, but he was still getting used to being back in New York. He was so used to foraging and finding food in the outskirts of the South American village he protected, that his diet didn’t go back to normal until a whole month after his return. He gladly told you stories about the people he protected, how they didn’t have much but were so appreciative of every little thing they received. He still regrets prolonging his training, as it hurt his and Raph’s relationship, but he’s trying. Trying to make up for lost time. Trying to make up for the fact his brothers at one point thought he was possibly dead in South America when the letters stopped, and it took a toll, especially on Raphael. Leonardo knows that he and Raphael are indestructible as a pair, so it’s important to him that he mends their relationship.

While Raphael and Leonardo argue often (usually about the dumbest things, like “where’d you hide the remote,” or “did you eat my leftover pizza you thief,” you get the idea,) it’s just sibling rivalry. In terms of combat, Raphael is always Leonardo’s first choice when it comes to teaming up or splitting into groups of two during a mission. Although it’s hard for Raph to follow orders if he has a better idea, he still teams up well with Leo. The reason tensions were at an all-time high when Leonardo came back was because Leonardo was inserting himself into things about Raph’s life he wasn’t around for. So, who was he to just stroll in and tell Raph what he should and shouldn’t do when he’s been gone for nearly two years?

Not only that, but Raphael wants to lead. Since Splinter chose Leonardo all those years ago when they were 15 to be the leader, Raphael has wondered what was so special about the oldest brother. It could’ve been Donnie, who was smart and thought every plan through before they even started, (not Mikey, definitely not Mikey,) or Raph. Raphael has a strong personality that often clashes with Leo. Raph is more direct, crude, and uses violence to get his way when it comes to criminals and the Foot, while Leo is the opposite. He’s more glass half full, uses reasoning, and is calmer (he also doesn’t put up with Raphael’s shit most of the time, and lets him know that.) The difference between the two, and why Leonardo was chosen, was because Raphael lets his anger get the best of him at times, and that is the most lethal trait to have.

You noticed Raphael’s anger showed the most when he spoke about criminals or Leonardo during his training. It was never directed to you intentionally, although you may get a sarcastic remark back sometimes when you talked to him, or one-worded answers when he was not at his best. Raphael displayed anger when he talked since he didn’t know how to express how he felt through words at times.

---

“You seem down tonight, Raph.” Sitting beside Raphael on your bed, he sighs as his metal form lays on your bed in frustration.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem like it,” you retort.

“I said I’m fine.” You were still getting used to Raphael. Even though you both talked over dinner for the first time a couple of weeks ago, you were still getting to know him. Just a few moments ago, Raphael came knocking on your window. You had opened it up, and he greeted you with a quiet ‘hey,’ then proceeded to plop down on your bed.

Instead of prying inside Raph’s mind, you decide to stay silent. Besides, some people liked to have company while they sat in silence. You knew how it was when you had a bad day and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But, you enjoyed having Stella beside you while you quietly were in your thoughts.

So, you sat next to Raph in silence. His helmet indicated he was staring up at your ceiling and said not one word.

You didn’t mind it, though. Raphael was never a burden to you, anyway. No matter the few times he randomly came over without notice. So, you grabbed a book from the nightstand next to your bed to pass the time. You needed to read a chapter for your 11 AM class the next day anyway, so now was a good time.

After what appeared to be an hour and change, Raphael sits upright and turns to you.

“Me n Casey were doin’ our regula route, until we got on the roof n heard a woman screamin,' ' Setting down your book in front of you and turning to Raph, you give him a confused look.

“I don’t…no, I do know what happened, I just…fuck!” He angrily slammed his metal fist on your bed, and if it wasn’t a soft surface, it definitely would’ve scared you. You’re wondering what exactly Raphael saw to make him act this way, so you ask.

“Tha same that woulda happened to ya that night,” You caught on, and it made your stomach churn. “But we were too late. I failed…an…how can fuckin’ people be that way?!” Raphael continues to yell about how the Purple Dragons are pieces of shit, and he’s right. He goes on about how he saw red and beat all of them up in one shot while Casey helped the woman. She saw The Nightwatcher fight her attackers, then passed out; and was scratched and bruised. They bring her to the hospital, and they take it from there. He’s so heated (and for good reason,) that he doesn’t realize you get up to stand in front of him on the bed.

“Raph, I know, it’s the worst thing a woman and even a man can experience. I know, people are terrible. But think about how many more ‘Purple Dragons’ are out there that do the same thing that we don’t even know about, you at least are stopping those terrible men in this city.” You have a point there, and Raphael knows it. But, it’s the way he thinks, even though he can’t save everyone.

“You’re a protector, I see that. You have empathy, I feel that. You constantly keep New York City safe, and you saved this woman from being left out in the street vulnerable. She’s going to wake up knowing there are good people in the world. She’s going to wake up knowing you saved her. It’s a traumatic thing anyone can go through, I know that, but just think about how grateful she was when you saved her from any more harm.”

It wasn’t the way you spoke or the passion in your eyes. It was your words. You constantly found the right words to make Raphael feel better, and if not all the time, you were always right.

You wondered if you said the right thing to Raphael, as he is still looking at you through his visor. He lifts his arm and gently moves you to the side. Raphael gets up, and heads toward your window.

“Um…did I say something wrong?” You ask, confused as to why Raph is acting this way, he shakes his head, back turned to you.

“Nah, you…” He pauses, then sighs, “I needed ta hear that.”

Raphael leaves, and you’re alone again in your room, content that you said what you said.

11:30 PM

You always know what to say n what I need to hear without even tryin

11:32 PM

You didn’t fail, Raph. I don’t see it that way, and nobody in New York sees it that way either. I'm sure of it, you’re a protector.

Sometimes, Raphael was caught up in beating himself down (much like Leonardo does,) that he doesn’t see all the good he’s done. He was glad that he had a friend like you to level out his mind when he got that way, and he couldn’t appreciate you more.

---

You were satisfied with your meditation session and would try to integrate it into your nightly routine as a way to sleep better. You could thank Leonardo for that.

Leonardo thought you were pretty chill. Though he didn’t say it out loud. Initially, he was wary of you and wanted to know the full story about how you knew about Raphael. So, you told him after meditating when he asked.

He was sympathetic towards you once you told him.

“The Nightwatcher wasn’t his best time as it went against Sensei’s wishes, but I’m glad he saved people. He used his skills for good, that’s for sure.” He responded.

Then, he started to talk about how he felt after coming back from South America.

“I wasn’t…myself at one point. I was so caught up in being the best leader I can be, I failed to see that my brothers needed me,” Leonardo was sincere, and you could tell he still regrets his extended time abroad.

“You can’t change the past, but you’re here now, Leonardo. From the looks of it, I see the relationships you have with your brothers are pretty healthy.”

Leo needed to hear that.

He needed to hear that he was doing just fine. Someone other than Splinter to tell him he was doing a good job, on the whole, coming back from South America thing.

“Although I wasn’t here before you left for your training, I see a stronger leader in front of me who cares about the wellbeing of his family. You’re doing just fine, Leo.”

Leonardo’s eyes widen, he isn’t used to hearing such sincere words from anyone but Splinter or April. So when he hears it from you, someone he hasn’t known for so long (and whose words are spot on,) he’s appreciative.

“Thank you, Y/n.”

All in all, you felt closer to the leader in blue than you did the first day you met him.

~

Two days later, you came back to the lair.

Now it was Donnie’s turn.

You were sitting with three out of the four brothers, as Donnie was cooped up in his lab working on something.

“I win, little brother!” The winning Mortal Kombat cutscene is displayed on the TV screen, and Leonardo basks in his victory. Mikey sighs dramatically and gives the controller to Raph. The four of you were currently having a Kombat match against each other, and you reigned victorious against Leonardo, while Raphael beat Michelangelo, leaving them two to figure out who would make fourth place. Looks like it was Mikey. To be fair, Mikey was up all night previously “training” for this match, so he was playing half-awake.

“Best two out of three?” Mikey asks sheepishly, and Leonardo looks at him laughing, “Sure, watch me beat you again. Raph, keep count of how many times I win against Mikey.” Leo seemed to be into video games when it was necessary, and he liked the little competition it brought.

“I feel like Donnie would win against you, Leo.” You say, looking over at the lab. You hadn’t seen Donnie since you got here. Raphael had told you one night that Donnie was always working on something, always trying to stimulate his brain, always trying something new. He had only come out of the lab for more coffee, or to toast up a pop tart (yeah, his diet is terrible, poor guy.)

“You think so? I disagree.” Leonardo seemed to have a personality shift when he wasn’t in “leader mode,” He was more outgoing, less bossy (according to Raph,) and loved to find a way to have a little brotherly competition. Raphael did say Leo was always in leader mode when he got back from South America, but he’s slowly but surely going back to how he used to be.

So, you did exactly what Leonardo ordered: get Donatello.

Getting up from the spot next to Raph on the couch, you make your way down the hall to Donatello’s lab. You can hear soft classical music playing on the other side of the door, and you knock.

“Come in!” He calls out, opening the door, you see the purple-clad turtle tinkering with a small device on his table, holding a tool that looks hard for someone with larger hands like him to use.

“Oh, hey, Y/n. I didn’t know you were here,” Donnie says as he looks up at you, you smile as he continues working on the little item in his hands. He has these magnifying goggles on, and he looks pretty funny. His brown eyes are much bigger because of them, and you can faintly see specs of light honey brown in his eyes.

“I’ve been here for a good hour and a half,” You say, “Mortal Kombat tourney.”

“I totally forgot about that, has Mikey lost yet?”

“He was the first to.”

“I knew it, he owes me twenty bucks now.”

Donnie offers you a seat next to him which you accept, as you watch him staring intently at what now looks like a broken phone with a shell on it.

“I didn’t take you as someone who likes classical,” You motion to his PC that’s gently playing music.

Donatello smiles, “It helps me focus better.”

After a short small talk with Donnie, he tells you that he’s working on fixing Mikey’s shell-cell, (this also was when he told you he invented functioning phones that were probably better than the phones today, as they were slightly more technologically advanced thanks to his smarts.) Mikey accidentally dropped it while skateboarding the other day, and it cracked. You wondered what else the turtle has made, and he tells you.

He explains anything he can get his hands on, he’ll fix or upgrade. He helped Raph make his bike, and other than the shellraiser (that wound up being Mikey’s Cowabunga Carl van,) it’s his most fun invention yet. How years ago when they were still in their young teens, he “upgraded” an animatronic at April's job at a kids' pizza party place, and it turned into a disaster.

“She got fired, but hey, it gave me an excuse to fix something,” He finishes.

He then explains what else he’s made. How he used to have insecurities about his weapon of choice. He wished he could have a weapon as lethal as Leo’s, or as sharp as Raph’s. So, he tried to upgrade his weapon. After fighting with it during a mission to stop the foot from transporting mutagen from TCRI, it malfunctioned. Long story short, he’s content with his bo staff now.

Donatello also talks about the many times he’s fixed objects around the lair. After explaining how Leonardo can’t cook to save his life, he says he has to fix the toaster often. Other times, he has to repair the practice dummy in the dojo, because Raphael has so much energy to let out after sparring or training, that he takes it out on the poor guy.

He’s scared he’s been talking too much; that he might bore you to death as he does to Raph. He can’t help when he gets excited about his inventions. But, this leaves his mind when he sees a graceful smile upon your lips as you ask the question that’s been in your head since he started talking.

“Which invention are you most proud of?”

“Well,” He pulls an item out of the drawer beside him, and it’s a small MP3 player that looks peculiar.

“Around the time we were almost 17, we busted into an abandoned TCRI lab, I was searching for scraps I could use, and I found an incredibly advanced micro-chip made from, get this!” Donnie starts to rile himself up, and you can see the excitement in his eyes. His voice is higher, and he sounds like a teenage girl geeking over her favorite boy band.

“Self-assembled chain-link copolymers!”

“Wow!”

“I know!” He squeals.

“I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds interesting, Donnie!” It appears you set off a light in Donnie’s head because he grins widely and puts Mikey’s shell-cell to the side.

“Now, if you don’t mind, let me tell you about the origin of chain-link copolymers,”

After 20 minutes of Donatello giving you a history lesson (you were very lost, but he seemed excited to tell you about it,) he tells you that this advanced piece of military technology causes the MP3 player to continuously upgrade and download new music by itself. It’s really interesting, the way Donatello explains it. His vocabulary is extremely complex when speaking of science.

The topic is changed when you find a common interest in a most recent conspiracy theory that’s brought up soon after. Donnie is a really intelligent turtle, from his knowledge to his vocabulary. His personality was a mixture of a nerdy smart ass, and a fangirl when it comes to science. It was easy to talk to him, however, he would bring up a scientific theory you had no knowledge of briefly, but he gladly took the time to explain it to you. Donatello speaks quickly because he has so much pent-up knowledge that his brothers really don’t want to hear about, he has to let it out in some way. Afterward, a few knocks are heard on the door, and Donnie grants them entry. Once the door is opened it reveals his older brother, Raphael.

“Leo thinks he can beat cha, and he won’t shut tha hell up ‘bout it, I’m gettin’ tortured out there,”

“Statistically speaking, I have a much higher chance of beating Leo than all of you combined,” You giggle in response, and Donnie gets up from his seat.

You follow Raphael and Donatello out of the lab and take a seat back on the couch.

“Booty Shaker Nine Thousand is out of his cave!” Mikey exclaims, earning a laugh from everyone but you and Donatello.

“Will you ever put that to rest?” Donnie sighs.

“I’m never gonna let you live it down, bro.”

“Live what down?” You ask curiously. All three brothers smirk, as Donnie tries to steer them away from the story they’re about to tell.

“Four years ago, Splinter had us handcuffed together for a bonding exercise. It was meant to build our team's morale,” Leonardo starts. Donatello rolls his eyes, honestly, his family and friends knew the story at this point, so it’s only right they tell you.

You were damn near laughing by the end of the story.

During this team bonding, Donatello was handcuffed in between Mikey and Leo, and couldn’t type on his computer. So, when Raphael was trying to figure out the password and got it incorrectly four times (another will lock him out of Donnie’s computer,) the purple bandana turtle caved in.

“It was booty shakah’ nine thousand, wit what?” Raphael snickers and smirks at his little brother, who sighs in defeat.

“Capital B and three Y’s. What? You knew I loved to dance,” You chuckle at the funny story that puts a glimpse into the turtles' lives when they were a couple of years younger. You wondered what other stories they were keeping from you.

“You guys remember when Splinter had us gang up on Raph during sparring and allowed us to insult him?” Mikey breaks down in laughter at the thought, and you couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Dontcha fuckin’ dare, Mikey!”

~

Oh, Michelangelo.

The final turtle. You had already felt pretty close to Mikey from the moment you met him. The baby blue-eyed turtle. He seemed very excited every time you came to the lair for the past couple of days. He was extremely talkative and loved your company. He remembered how Donnie fixed your camera and asked if you could bring it when you came down.

He did in fact use up all your film (which you didn’t mind, Mikey is allowed to be starstruck by a polaroid camera, and you were flattered he was intrigued by your hobby.) Mikey took more photos than you did in one day. He would take surprisingly good off-guards of his brothers (Raph actively avoided Mikey when you came down to the lair with your camera.) and you planned on getting Mikey a small photo album book to keep them in. The one Splinter has is filled up already with photos from their youth (you have yet to go through it with him and the turtles.) The first photo he took on your camera was the two of you, and you had to take another one to keep for yourself. Michelangelo was a bundle of joy and clearly was the comedic relief of the group.

Needless to say, the time you’ve spent so far with Mikey has been welcoming.

So when he heard you were coming down to the lair today, he was ecstatic.

Splinter had invited you to watch the brothers spar to pick up on some self-defense moves. Leonardo was ready to show off his skills, Donnie was nervous, he always wasn’t so good when people watched him spar (especially April, even today he still gets nervous.) Michelangelo was always excited to show some of his moves. Raphael on the other hand was actually feeling anxious. Sure, you’ve seen him fight before once, but not without his suit, or with his real weapon. He made sure he was in tip-top shape for this sparring session, as he wanted to win against all of his brothers. It wasn’t the competitive part of him, it was the “I want to impress Y/n” part of him.

---

“Ya actually comin’?” Raphael asked as you continued brushing your hair in the mirror. Sparring normally started around 7 AM every morning, and finished at around 9 or 10 depending on Splinter. When Splinter informed his sons after having the conversation with you about it, Raphael took it upon himself (like he always does,) to swing by your house and walk you to the lair. He was shocked you were wanting to see him and his brother's spar. He wondered how he was gonna wake you up, but he didn’t have to. There you were through the window, bright and early brushing out your beautiful h/c hair while Stella watched from your bed.

“Shell yeah I am!” Raphael couldn’t help but smile slightly at the way you picked up on him and his brother's lingo. “I get to pick up on some of your moves-”

“Just my moves?”

“You know what I meant,”

“I actually don’t,” Looking at Raph through the mirror, you see him smirk at you, to which you stick your tongue out playfully.

“Who knows,” You turn around after placing your brush on the vanity dresser. “I might get to see you get your shell kicked- again-, that’s a great way to start my morning.” You responded to Raph’s sarcasm, to which he laughed.

“Ha! Don’t make me keel ova laughin’ this early. Ya have no idea what ya’re ‘bout ta witness, Y/n,” Raphael says. His pride was not to be tampered with today, and he was anxious enough. But, he was ready for you to eat those words once the sparring began and ready for you to be starstruck.

But still, what if somehow, he was caught off guard?

---

Michelangelo was notorious for using his pranking skills to his advantage and often would play around during sparring. He would trip his brothers with his nunchucks at such high speed, that they never saw it coming. Other times, he would pull out a smoke pellet or water balloon and throw it at them (Splinter still doesn’t know where he keeps them, he has so many.)

So whenever Raph went up against Mikey, he wouldn’t mess around. Losing to Mikey solely because of a water balloon to the head was embarrassing, to say the least.

Finishing up, you take a look in the mirror one last time. Lately, you’ve been taking a bit of extra time to make sure you look presentable when you meet up with Raphael. It didn’t bother him, per se. In fact, he cheered on the inside when you decided to wear your hair out in its natural state. And, the little things. Like today, where you ditched the oversized sweats and put on a pair of loose shorts. Both were equally comfortable, and it allowed you to let some skin show. A long sleeve tee with a pair of vans, and you were ready to go.

You were undeniably beautiful. Raphael still beats himself up for that one night in the city with you where he completely embarrassed himself talking out loud. He remembered the look of pure happiness on your face when he accidentally turned his thoughts into words. He wondered how it would’ve gone if he told you how he was starting to feel about you right then and there.

Yes, hothead Raphael. tempered, rash, crude, and violent teddy bear Raphael is embarrassed because of an innocent college girl. Although he was your age and mature enough, he still has the hopeless romantic teenage boy inside of him (much like Donatello.)

~

“Good morning, Miss Y/n.” After following Raphael to the dojo, Splinter is the first to greet you. Leonardo is there, too. He sits alone beside the candles along the worn wooden shelves, polishing his katana blades. His chocolate brown eyes have a glint of admiration in them, as he carefully cleans his weapon with ease. He smiles to himself as he looks through his reflection in one of the twin blades.

The dojo is beautiful. It has many different weapons from Japanese culture during the Samurai period. Beautifully smelted katanas sit in their cases on the top shelf, with midnight black and wine red wooden carved sheaths surrounding them. The floor is an old wooden tile that’s been polished and used for training. There’s a large tree that sits around the middle of the room, and you wonder how it grows without any sun. There are many different Japanese symbols around the dojo. There’s one on the rug near the blades, but you aren’t quite sure what it means. Next, there’s black paint in the middle of the birch wooden floor that makes out a kanji symbol as well. It’s a beautiful atmosphere in the dojo currently, and you can’t wait to see the turtles fight.

“Good Morning, Master Splinter; Leo.” As Leonardo finishes up, he replies with a “Good morning” back. Afterward, Donatello and Michaelangelo both come into the dojo, and everyone is there. Mikey walks up to you and gives you a big hug, to which you give back. He smells faintly of fresh spring- probably from the soap he used this morning. Raphael glares at his youngest brother, although Mikey hugs anybody he could get his hands on. Donatello waves his hello, and you return the gesture. You could tell by Donnie’s body language that he was on edge.

“Each of my sons will spar against one another, feel free to ask questions if you have any. I or Leonardo will be more than happy to answer.” Leonardo looks up and gives a slight smile towards you after hearing his name from Splinter as if to let you know to not be afraid to ask as many questions as you want. You feel comfortable to be observing and kneeling next to Master Splinter, giving you a full view of the center. You see that each turtle is in one corner of the room. Leonardo is to your top right, Donnie your top left. Raphael is at your bottom left, and Mikey is at your bottom right.

Splinter begins by pairing up Leonardo with Mikey. Already, Mikey’s groaning in defeat when the fight didn’t even begin yet.

“Come on, Sensei! You know I’m gonna lose the second we start!” Michelangelo was hoping he could go up against Donatello first. They’re around the same skill level, and he’d sure pick Donnie over fighting Leo. Although Mikey knows he's guaranteed to lose this round, he still has some tricks up his shell.

“You will never know unless you try, Michelangelo. Hajime!”

~

“Ow.”

“Ow!”

“DUDE!” After being pinned by Leonardo once again, Mikey manages to flip over back on his feet. He’s not tired at all, and neither is Leonardo. If it were up to Mikey, he could probably go for around 2 hours with the right competitor, so long as it’s not Leo.

“What? It’s trai-” Catching Leonardo slightly off-guard from his outburst, Michelangelo throws a smoke pellet in front of him, then disappears. You’re watching in awe, wondering how he just did that without Leo noticing.

“The goal of defense is to divert your opponent’s attention to get an opening, Miss Y/n.” Master Splinter says to you, not taking his eyes off the fight. A cloud of smoke appears behind Leonardo, and Mikey is right behind ready to make his move.

However, Leonardo knows his brother’s tricks too well.

This goes on for quite some time. Mikey is dropping smoke pellets every time Leo gets close, and laughing as he moves to different areas of the dojo. Leonardo is slightly annoyed but knows that Mikey has to preserve the rest of the pellets for the other spars. Once Mikey finished teasing Leo, he’s now looking for a way to get him to be distracted, while Leonardo is waiting for Mikey to call it quits. He’s already feeling bad enough that he’s his little brother’s first opponent of the morning. Suddenly, Leonardo catches his little brother off guard while doing a backflip, and he messes up his landing.

Now, Leo is on the offense, jabbing his katanas in places Mikey can easily defend for the sake of safety and sparring. He’s continuously doing this, not giving his brother a break at all, which is just cruel, Leonardo.

Before it gets too close, Leo grabs Mikey’s nunchuck and flips him over once again on his shell, but this time, Leonardo sits on top of his plastron.

“Yame!” With that, Leonardo gets up from Mikey and extends a hand for his little brother to grab. Groaning, the blue-eyed turtle accepts his hand weakly and slowly stands on his two feet, rubbing his head in discomfort.

“You have fought well, Michelangelo, but I have told you, there is always a way. No matter who the opponent is, you must give it your all, even if it is against the leader. Do not automatically assume you will lose just because of Leonardo’s title. He has weaknesses, too.”

“Hai, Sensei.” Bowing down, Mikey kneels in the corner. How this works is, that he will wait for the next person to lose (or win) against Leonardo to spar with next. No matter the victory or defeat, each turtle will spar with one another at some point during this session.

“Donatello, it is your time.” It seemed like Donnie was in his own thoughts because as soon as he heard his name, his eyes and head perked up at the sound of it. He chuckles nervously at his Sensei and walks toward the center of the dojo.

“Um, hey Leo.” As Donatello retrieves his wooden box staff from the back of his shell, Leonardo draws his katanas and gets into his fighting stance.

“You look nervous.”

“No! Me? Never!”

“If you say so Donnie,” Looking over at Master Splinter, Donatello sighs. His Master can sense the nervousness within him, and thinks it’ll be a short round. But, who knows?

Donnie gets into his fighting stance, but he looks very tense. Not relaxed, unlike Leonardo.

“Hajime!”

~

“How can I…” Donatello says to himself as Leonardo runs straight to him with his attack. Donatello has been able to get some hits in, same with Leonardo. However, Donnie is carefully watching how Leonardo moves, and his mannerisms. Thinking analytically of what his next move should be. However, Leonardo can think on his feet and beats Donatello to the punch with an attack. Donnie tries to do what his younger brother did to Leo and throws him off. After pressing a button the end of Donnie’s Bo staff turns into a blade, and Leonardo is cautious (although he knows Donnie won’t hurt him,) and is on the defensive. He dodges multiple attacks from Donatello, all while Donnie is thinking about each move he makes and how it’ll affect the outcome of this sparring match.

Donatello is not the best when it comes to strength, he’s more of the weaker ones in the group. He is, however, stronger in the intelligence category.

He’s well aware of his limits and how long he can fight and strives to overcome them by stepping out of his comfort zone. He’s already up for a challenge when his weapon requires extreme skill to do damage to his opponent.

This fight goes on longer than the last with Mikey, as it’s a lot of circling each other for Don and Leo after the first few attacks. Donnie is analyzing Leonardo, and Leonardo is waiting for his attack so he can counter it and finish.

This comes quick, as Donatello dodges the sudden attack from Leonardo, and before the leader can get back to defend himself, Donnie sweeps him off his feet with his Bo staff, tripping him. It’s not normal for Leonardo to lose, but sometimes, he may mess up a time or two.

“Yame!” Although Leonardo could’ve easily gotten up and taken down Donatello, Splinter calls it quits on this round. Donatello found a way to weasel around Leonardo with his thinking process and was lucky enough to have it be perfectly executed.

Leonardo and Donatello bow to one another. Looking over at Splinter, the rat smiles sincerely at the tech-savvy turtle.

“You still have yet to become confident in your abilities, Donatello. Although you are older, you still have yet to learn to find it within yourself to be self-confident. You are stronger than you may think. Rely on your raw physical talents, not your mental talent, you may not always have time to think during a fight.”

Donatello takes in what his master is saying. He does have a confidence issue, as he thinks he isn’t as good as his brothers when it comes to physique. If anything, he’d rather leave the brute fighting to Raphael.

“Hai, Sensei.”

“You may return to your post, for now, Leonardo. Raphael, please take his place.” Cracking his neck, Raphael is pumping himself up for which brother he has to fight. Donatello is praying to the Gods it’s not him that Raph spars with first because everybody knows the first person Raphael fights against will receive 1000% of Raphael’s pent-up energy.

~

“Sucks to be you now doesn’t it, Mikey?”

“I’m shaking in my shell, dude!” Glaring at Donnie after his comment, Mikey walks toward the center of the dojo, meeting Raphael halfway.

Unfortunately, Michelangelo will be the one to fall victim as being Raph’s first opponent.

Raphael couldn’t seem to smirk at how easy he had it. He thought he would have to go up against Leonardo first, but he figured Master Splinter knew that would be a long fight and to save it for last. He circled Mikey like he was a rabbit and he the lion, waiting restlessly for Splinter to say the lovely word that allowed him to release all his energy. Raphae’s amber eyes were devoid of any emotion other than passion, he was ready to perform the art he grew up loving so much. Ready to use the pair of sai he’s trained with since he picked them up for the very first time in yet another sparring match; they were so reliable. Mikey’s eyes were filled with anxiousness, which was normal before he sparred with his older brother.

“Hajime!”

===

~

You felt like you were watching a master at work.

You couldn’t help but admire Raph, and only Raph. The way his different muscle groups would flex depending on the move he was doing, or the way the small beads of sweat littered his emerald skin, causing it to glisten in the light. While the point of observing today was to watch both of the opponents, you couldn’t take your eyes off Raphael. You watched as he sprinted toward Mikey immediately after Splinter’s word to begin. How he did multiple flips and spins to throw his baby brother off, stabbing inches away from Mikey’s limbs, and jabbing his sai in Mikey’s plastron when he couldn’t avoid his attacks quick enough. How Raphael does this thing where he looks at his sai’s for a split second before he does another attack on Mikey, to fix his grip if it’s loosening up. Or how he pushes his mask tails out the way when they rest on his shoulder after moving so much, and how sometimes he would purposefully put them over the front of his shoulder so Mikey couldn’t grab them and pull him down.

Raphael is gifted, he knows that.

And now, you finally see why.

You see how he goes for the punch, not thinking twice about his actions. His weapon is close-combat oriented, so he has no time to second-guess himself and his moves.

Raphael clearly has the upper hand in this fight, he’s the strongest member of the team. Mikey knows this and uses rather odd approaches to better his chance at beating Raph.

Like throwing a water balloon at Raphael’s head as he was running toward him.

~

“Mikey!” Raph’s voice booms throughout the dojo. You’re scared for Mikey, knowing he’s probably going to get his ass beat because of that. Raph’s face is slightly red, but you can’t tell if it’s from sweating and adrenaline, or embarrassment.

It’s some of both.

You watch, giggling softly at the comical scene in front of you. Raphael is chasing Mikey around the dojo, and Mikey is throwing smoke pellets left and right to get away from him.

~

“Say ‘hi’ ta Don~” Raphael teases, he tightens his grip on the headlock he has on Mikey, and he uses his sai to make his baby brother’s hand move to say hello to a laughing Donatello. You feel bad for Raph’s little brother right now, but you laugh regardless.

“Hi, Donnie…Okay okay! Mercy!”

Raphael then glances at you, his green lips curling into a smirk along with a wink before he flips Michelangelo over on his back, immobilizing him.

“Yame!”

“Hit me…with…a fuckin-“ “Raphael. Language.” “-sorry, Mastah Splintah. Freakin’ watah balloon again…n’ see what happens,” Getting up, Mikey blows a raspberry at his older brother, then retreats to his designated corner. Raphael stays in the middle, and you continue to observe the rest of the duels.

Raph vs. Donatello ended pretty quickly.

Donnie vs. Mikey, this one was probably the most entertaining in your opinion.

Or so you thought.

Humor-wise, it was fun, but hands-down the best spar to watch was Leonardo vs. Raphael.

It seemed neverending, watching them both completely match each other’s energy. You watch as Raphael uses his sai as a means of offense rather than the defense on Leonardo’s twin katana. The sai were made to defend against the katana, which is what made this exhilarating spar all the more interesting.

It’s coming to a grand climax, Leonardo is getting some great moves in on Raphael, who takes them like a champ. That is until Leo makes him stumble on his two feet, and by that point, he’s retaliating and going on the attack. The loud clash of tamahagane against metal rang all throughout the seemingly quiet dojo, with only the heavy breathing from the two oldest brothers to be heard. You wait in anticipation to see which brother will catch the other in a split-second weak moment, and jump at the opportunity to win the sparring match.

This anticipation, however, is stopped abruptly by Master Splinter.

“Yame!” Suddenly, Leonardo and Raphael back off of one another. You can’t tell who won this exciting finale, but you think it’s a draw. Both are equally talented, and you are sitting wondering who would’ve won if they were able to continue. But, you sit next to Splinter, feeling slightly edged at the fact that you’ll never know who would’ve beat who. Seeing Leonardo and Raphael spar against one another just for that satisfaction is almost a guilty pleasure.

“Although I would like to see how this will play out, I will also like to see Cody break up with Donna. You are all dismissed, and if you need me, I will be watching my morning stories.”

So, that was it, huh?

That was a great start to your morning, and it seemed like an amazing morning workout for the four brothers.

As they all gather their weapons (and Mikey picking up his mess of popped balloons off the floor,) you watch Donnie leave the dojo first, more than likely to claim the shower. Donatello never liked sweating, anyway.

“Makes me feel slimy,” is something he would definitely say.

~

“I knew I came for good reason,” You say as you walk up to your red-banded friend. Raphael glances at you by his side, and he ruffles your h/c hair, his green fingers lingering on your head when he’s finished.

“Ya got ta see Mikey get an ass-whoopin', a well-deserved one too.” He replies. You can tell he’s still on edge, not putting his guard down. This is probably common, Raphael looking around in search of Mikey, to make sure he doesn’t get pranked while being in the comfort of his own sewer.

“Don’t forget the water balloon to the face, I know I won't.”

“I think ya’re a masochist, love seein’ me in pain.” You laugh at Raphael’s response

~

~

~

God, you hated this.

This feeling of anxiousness when you were around Raphael. It was getting harder to ignore it, and you felt like your younger self again in high school crushing over a boy. It was getting quite annoying, that fluttery feeling every time Raphael was around. It was quite frankly, dumb.

Dumb for you, let’s be clear.

Look at you, in freaking college! The last thing you have to worry about is confessing your feelings to a guy, you have, like, 10 assignments due.

And also, you aren’t a sappy teen anymore, you’re a woman! And it’s time you take some charge.

Better said than done, might I add.

Like right now, as you walked with Raphael as usual down to the lair, it seemed like the more the two of you did, the closer you both got. Physically speaking. If you heard a noise in one of the tunnels, you would automatically shift slightly closer to Raph. Who knew what else the sewers could be harboring anyway?

So when Raphael actually insisted on carrying you back home on his shell, as you were visibly tired from your long visit with his family, you knew you had to muster up the courage and tell this turtle you were falling for him.

---

“I gotcha, Y/n,” Raphael whispered. After the movie night with the family and April and Casey, it was around one in the morning. You and Raphael had actually made it to the end of the 4th movie you all had watched awake. Mikey, the most excited for this night, passed out first during the start of the second movie. Everyone followed soon after. With Donatello snoring quietly next to you, and you using Raphael’s shoulder as a headrest, you found yourself ready to fall asleep. That was, until, Raphael said he would take you home. For one, he knew you’d be more comfortable in your bed. Two, it gave him the opportunity for more one-on-one time.

Raphael wondered why he suddenly turned soft when he was attached to a female. It may be because he realized his mutant body is already a turn-off, and his attitude might enhance that. He also didn’t want to scare them off with how dangerous or violent he could be; no- he would save that side of him for combat.

The last thing he would want is to hurt you. If anything, he wants to protect you.

Raphael is notorious for being the most violent, moody, and 2nd place sarcastic member on the team (1st place for most sarcastic goes to Donatello.) But, he’s growing up. Part of growing up for him and his brothers was realizing their flaws, and how to mature past their teens.

For example, Michelangelo tried to implement training more into his days rather than gaming. He’s slowly getting better at it, and this was enhanced during Leo’s absence. He had to stay in shape somehow working with all those deadly children.

Donatello was already mature for his age when he was younger, but he tries little by little to fix his diet- he knows he’s getting older, and he can’t keep living off of pop tarts and coffee because he’s too busy to cook for himself or eat Mikey’s food.

Leonardo is the leader- he had to mature long before his brothers did. He carries the burden of the leader, which means acting maturely in different circumstances when it comes to battles. Leonardo has yet to realize he isn’t Mr. Perfect, no matter how much he trains. To him, his main flaw is that he can’t cook. There’s no way he can fix this, but he hopes that someday he’ll magically get better at it (just in case he gets a girlfriend and wants to cook for her, you know, so he’s preparing for the future.)

Raphael on the other hand is in the middle. Physically, he’s very much matured beyond his teenage years. Mentally, he struggles with his temper at times. It’s not as bad as it was when he was a teen, but he still struggles with it. He’s yet to realize he can’t be mad at the world for being, well, the world, and can’t fix it to his liking all by his lonesome. Raphael’s flaw would probably be the lack of words since he’s always struggling with putting his emotions into sentences. He’s done pretty well with you, but he wonders why he can’t be like that with his family. It may be because he wants to uphold the image as the brother that doesn’t take shit from anyone, or the brother that a lot of things just don’t phase him.

“You’re just as tired as me Big Red, I can walk.” You reply softly. Raphael scoffs, and his half-lidded eyes stare into yours as he smirks.

“I ain’t tired. Com’ere,” Raphael motioned for you to come over after he quietly got off the couch, and you followed suit. He bent down slightly in front of you, welcoming you on his shell. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Raphael liked having you on his back. He knew you would be safer that way as opposed to mirroring his parkour. The obvious look of tiredness in Raphael’s eyes is what made you feel bad, but he insisted, and Raphael was one stubborn turtle.

The ride on Raph’s shell home seemed to go fast. You were going in and out of sleep when Raphael was going through the sewers, and the only sounds you heard were his steady breathing and water dripping from the many drains. After a couple of minutes, you were out.

Raphael noticed this and took more precautions for the ride to be less bumpy.

Once out of the manhole, he hoisted you up again and back on his back, going up the fire escape and onto the rooftops. He picked up speed and jumped when necessary to not wake you up. Your arms wrapped loosely around his neck, and your legs snaked around his waist, this was the closest he got to you physically.

Finally, Raphael arrived in front of your window. He gently tapped you awake- and as you woke up groggily, he put you down back on your feet. You’re now on the roof next to your apartment window. You faintly see your reflection from it, as well as the blackened sky that was rid of any stars, only a single white dot that resembled the moon. You see Raphael beside you as well.

“Thanks, Raph.”

“Ya fell asleep quick, started snorin’ in my ear n everythin,” He joked, letting out a slight yawn.

“I…don’t snore, do I?” You squinted at your turtle friend, and he laughed at you overthinking about snoring in front of him.

“It’ll be our lil’ secret, alright?” Raphael watches as you struggle to find the key that unlocks the window. He hopes you don’t find it at all, so he can be with you a little while longer. But at the same time, he hopes you do so he can get some sleep himself. After fishing it out of your bag, you unlock the window.

“It was nice to spend some time with your family, I loved it,” Smiling at Raphael tiredly, you slide the window open.

“It’s always nice ta see ya, Y/n. Ya know dat.” He responds.

“God, I don’t remember the last time the two of us just hung out in my room, you know?” You were right. Ever since the whole Winter's Corp thing happened, to meeting his family, and spending some time with his brothers, you and Raphael haven’t had any time together. It was only right, Raphael was your first friend out of the four, who you’ve known the longest, and who you felt the closest with.

“Are ya sayin’ ya wanna just hang out like…tha two of us? How we used ta?” He asks. Confessing to you about how he’s feeling may be easier than he’s making it out to be, he thinks.

“I…yeah, I am saying that.” You let out a tired yawn, and Raphael doesn’t want to keep you away from your bed, so he ends it.

“See you tonight?” Raphael watches as you enter your room, and stands in front of the entrance. He’s hoping he could see you tomorrow (well, today, you know what I mean,)

“See you tonight.” You smile tiredly at your friend, and before you could slide the window close, he stops you.

“And don’t stay up any longa, ya look ‘bout ready ta knock right ‘bout now.”

“Yes, mom.” You reply jokingly to Raph, as he rolls his eyes.

Raphael watches as you get comfy in your covers before dozing off, realizing he needs some advice.

And who better to ask than Casey?

Okay, no. He probably should ask April. But, he needed a guy’s perspective. Hopefully, Casey can give him some decent advice later on in the day.

---

“April says you should go for it ^•^” Raphael reads the message over and over again from his bud Casey, but he for some reason can’t make sense of it. Go for what, exactly? What should he ask Y/n? Or what should he tell her? Why is it so hard?

He’s not a teenage mutant ninja turtle anymore. Well, he’s still a mutant. He's most definitely still a ninja, and he’ll always be a turtle.

A teenager! That’s right, he’s not a teenager anymore.

Coming to terms with his feelings and expressing them with words is going to be the most non-teenage thing he’s done.

He’s not sure when the right time is to tell you. Honestly, when is there a good time to confess your feelings? Is he even ready to be that vulnerable to you? To lay his romantic feelings out on the table?

He knows it won’t be like those corny romance movies April watches, that’s for sure. It sure as hell won’t be as dramatic as Splinter's telenovelas, either.

He’s overthinking how he’ll talk to you. Overthinking how you’ll react.

He decides to tell you when he sees you later.

~

Actually, no.

Wait.

Does he?

It can wait.

Looking at his reflection in his room from his hammock, he sighs. He’s lying down with his head facing the mirror, as he thinks: this is what she sees.

It’s what everyone sees.

He WANTS to be normal. He thinks it would be much easier to tell you (and he thought the same with Sabrina,) that it would be much easier to speak his feelings if he was human. He’s confident in all categories, except his looks.

So, he decides to wait. Let this night be the last one of you both being friends before he changes that with his words.

Getting up, he starts getting ready to head over to your place.

Nothing special, just coming as he is. He’s still getting used to not wearing his suit around you. It’s much more difficult to hide his facial expressions with no visor to cover them.

As he uncovers the manhole, he goes through the city on his usual route to your place. Not thinking much of his pace, his usual light jog.

That is until he gets to your window and sees it broken from a distance.

Suddenly, his jog becomes a sprint, and he utilizes his vision that was preserved from when he was a turtle to better see into the darkness that was your room. He can’t see anything, but he panics as he realizes he can sense there’s someone who’s not you inside.

It was at this moment he knew he would confess to you the moment he found you and you were safe with him.

===================

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: HERE

NEXT CHAPTER: HERE

Taglist:

@bee-1n-space

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2007 #raphael #leonardo #donatello #tmnt x reader #raph x reader #raphael x reader #tmnt raphael #tmnt imagines #tmnt hc

[crowsinthebarn]

Mika Garver 🎃🪲🫚🦇🕷️🧦

Omg my favorite illiterate greasy guy!!

what tf is she doing here, staring at a light obviously!

Mika (Micah) Garver (Current timeline 1993-1997)

-Born January 24th 1976 (17-21)

-5’4 - 190 lbs

-Biromantic/Asexual (has a partner, romance enjoyer.)

-Practicing Mage—Element is fire(self-immolation) duals with Air.

-Voiceclaim - “lost something in the hills” - Sibylle Baier

•••

🐞🐞🐞🐞

•••

-Appeared one day, claims to be from the woods?? (local cryptid) (she is done with the woods and the woods are not done with her!)

-Listens to all of her music on cassettes and doesn’t know the band names—or song names (goth and does not know it nor does she care.)

-drinks coffee on the bus out of a regular ass mug with no lid like a freak! (she is one, kindly.)

-ambidextrous, makes lots of art, has terrible handwriting, holds her pencils and silverware with her fists.

-Literal thinker, realist when it comes to beliefs.

-Horror Fan, Sci-fi Fan, History Fan, also just really likes, like, air Fans

-Is either chronically overstimulated or adrenaline seeking. No in-between. Same goes for if she is comprehensible.

-Experiences Alexithymia, which is a big scary word she will deny. Will start sobbing over small things because she can.

-Carries a gallon jug of water with her just, everywhere. To match the mug without a lid.

-Brother calls her bug, super old childhood nickname only he gets to use.

-Does this thing where she pretends that she doesn’t know what anything is and it only humors her and nobody else but that’s why it’s funny!

-Genuine weird girl energy. Love her so much, she’s so full of love just strange.

•••

🌾🌾🌾🌾

•••

songs that have her energy

dumb - nirvana

I can’t escape myself - the sound

I felt my size - the microphones

worms - viagra boys

heaven knows i’m miserable now - the smiths

#garvercore #Mika Garver #original character #halloween #digital painting #weirdcore #final girl energy minus the energy #sleepy tired #queer oc #acespec #Spotify

[emj-lane]

A little About me🤷‍♀️

My name is Emma-Jean Victoria Lane

Most people call me EmJ but some call me Em or Emma...all those things I respond to. I have a hyphenated first name so it's a mouthful lol!

I'm 18 years old and have an identical twin sister, Mazee. Our birthday is Halloween 🎃

Mazee and I were adopted from China when we were 2 months old

We live and were raised in California.

Besides Mazee, I have a sister, Natasha, who is 19. A sister, Morgan, who is 14. my sister, Sydney, is 11. And the youngest is my brother, Hunter, and he's 7. These siblings are my parents biological children.

We have 2 dogs that are golden doodles, Luna and Courage, and we have a cat. Her name is Boo.

I find it weird how friends or dates/boyfriend are sketched out, leary and scared off by the fact that my mom is a psychiatrist. That's her career/ her job but she is a regular person, wife, mother individual outside of her psychiatrist title/career. I promise she's not analyzing or diagnosing you if you aren't her patient in her office or in the hospital

My dad is a teacher at a boarding school for high schoolers gifted in the arts like music, theater, dance, writing, painting etc

Surfing is one of my favorite things/passions/talents. My whole family surfs.

Equal to surfing is my passion for writing.

I started playing soccer in second grade and the rest is history. From then on year after year I played on the soccer team for my elementary school, middle school and high school.

Should have been a mermaid. Love the water and swimming and diving. I was a competitive swimmer and diver from 7th grade and on through the rest of my middle school and high school career

I train and practice karate and kick boxing. In a fist fight I will kick your ass & I love it

My life motto and really driving phrase for my life and personality is "Underestimate me. That'll be fun..."

I'd say I'm very outgoing, friendly and social.

It can get very heated and tension does get very high at home with my older sister, Natasha. She has a diagnosis of ARFID which is avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. She has a lot of Orthorexia traits and tendencies as well. This has been a battle and an issue for almost 12 years now. Natasha doesn't really want full recovery...she doesn't want to weight restore or be healthy. She wants to maintain where she is...still sick, still disordered, still underweight but not getting worse- just completely maintaining & existing forever as she is. It is really really frustrating and sad. Sometimes I would like to kick her in the mouth, grab her and shake her and scream at her but it would not get through to her. It would not help.

I get self conscious sometimes being out with my family. Because I am Chinese and my parents and siblings, except Mazee, are caucasian American many people don't see us as family. They assume my parents are hosting foreign exchange students or if I am out with my 7 year old brother people assume I am his babysitter or his nanny- these things get said to me and my family and those things make a home in my head . They hide out a lot but still are there, lingering.

I enjoy music and playing music. I play piano, guitar, violin and saxophone. They are more hobbies and escapes although I am told I am talented and gifted in playing instruments I like having it as just something enjoyable, not necessarily something to pursue and train for career/performance/competitive purposes. The same goes for drawing.

My favorite artists and musicians right now are John mayer, Dave matthews band, Green Day, Nirvana, The Smiths, Bruno Mars, Billie Eilish, Yellow card, Lindsay Stirling and switchfoot.

Traveling & hiking is also something I love and something my whole family likes to do. Just being outside. We've been to the grand canyon, Niagara falls, Rocky mountains, smokey mountains, parts of the Appalachian trail/mountains, we've been to Hawaii, the Bahamas, Jamaica, Mexico, Australia, Alaska and Canada. And of course California has some hiking/national parks and nature too so we do a lot here too.

Favorite tv shows: Law and order svu, Criminal minds, Psych, and The Good Doctor

Favorite Movies: The Lord of the rings movies, Harry Potter movies, any of the Jaws movies, The Shallows, Hunger games movies, any X-men movies, Star wars movies, Man on Fire, National Treasure 1 and 2, A Beautiful Mind, I Am Sam, Dead Poet's Society, and Freedom Writers.

That's all. This is already longer than I intended.

#personal #about me #surfer #writer #twin life

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 25: Daria Music Resource

I was reading a reddit thread about where Daria and Jane’s music tastes might diverge because that’s what happens when you go down internet rabbit holes on the weekend, and since I’d already sort of been thinking about characters’ canonical music tastes, I thought I’d make a list. A lot of people seemed to think Daria would be into death metal, which was never the vibe I got, but to each their own. There were also one or two people who said classical music; I got that vibe even less. And at least one who said she didn’t listen to music—unrelatable, truly, and anyway there’s headphones and a CD player included as part of the perpetual clutter on her bedroom floor, so I think it’s fairly obvious she does. But there were also some interesting points made that I would accept as headcanons, or that merged with some of my own ‘I have no evidence for this but it’s the vibe for sure’ thoughts that I’d already had.

Personally, I think their music tastes are very similar and if they diverge it’s because Daria likes some stuff that’s more obscure and weirder. I think Jane has a wider, broader taste, and I also think she’s probably more into music—she has the big-ass stereo in her room, the musician brother, the headphones she wears while running, etc.

But what I wanted to do really was more along the lines of a resource based in textual evidence, to start off with. I definitely think people should just use the general vibes of things, or what is most relatable to them, for headcanons, but I also really like being able to base headcanons and other beliefs in the text and there’s more evidence than one might think. One confusing point is that the show has—or had, haha, in its original run—a LOT of music in it, because in every scene that would usually just have a TV score they were using recently released music instead. I do not count any of this background music as specifically indicative of a character’s taste unless it’s shown to be playing in a way they can hear. In a very general sense, sure, the music played in Daria the TV show might be indicative of the musical taste of Daria the character—but that music is pretty eclectic, so it’s quite wishy-washy as evidence.

So, here’s what I’ve found:

Daria:

Boss Hog – written on a CD in Dara’s bedroom in Café Disaffecto; I might be reading this wrong since it looks a little like “Boss HxxS” where the X’s are illegible, but I can’t think of who else it could be

Bog Men — written on a CD in the same scene

Also in this scene is a CD that looks like it has “Delta” written on it, idk what this is, and a partial title “GH” at the end of a word.

The Beatles – gives Ted a tape of The Beatles in The New Kid

Jane:

Boss Hog – big poster in her room visible in multiple episodes

The Foo Fighters – Color and the Shape poster in, I want to say IICY, or something else toward the end of the series

The Presidents of the United States – Peaches was playing in her room when Daria walked in on her and Tom in DDMD (this is per Outpost Daria; I can’t personally identify it in the fan-restored version or remember it from when I first watched the show)

10Speed – Jane was listening to Space Queen in her headphones when ‘speed walking’ with Helen in Lane Miserables

NY Loose – Spit playing on Jane’s stereo in Esteemsters during the commercial break before Sick Sad World

Radiohead - listening to Paranoid Android through headphones in The Misery Chick

Theme from the Poseidon Adventure - favorite song per Sappy Anniversary

Trent:

Korn – poster on his wall in That Was Then, This is Dumb

Slipknot – poster on his wall in the same episode

Nirvana – he’s practicing the intro to Come as You Are, per Jane, in The Invitation

General alternative/grunge – Jane refers to the Zen as a “grunge club” (Ill) and Trent and Jesse want to go to the Alternapalooza (Lolapalooza c. 1997) in Road Worrier; this probably also applies to Jane, who invited herself to go with them, and possibly Daria as well

Jake and Helen:

Jake, showtunes – he’s singing Give My Regards to Broadway in The Teachings of Don Jake and talks about his own attempt at writing a musical in The Story of D

Helen, Joni Mitchell – quotes Big Yellow Taxi in the flashback in The Teachings of Don Jake

60s Classic Rock – they did not go to Woodstock, but Jake was at Altamont, where artists like Santana, Jefferson Airplane, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, and The Rolling Stones played. Also… they were hippies. Enough said.

That’s all I can remember for now. As far as headcanons go, I definitely think Daria would be into some classic rock through her parents. I think Jane would be into post-punk like Joy Division (personal major hc for me lol). I think they’d both be into punk, grunge, alternative stuff; that seems to fit with the bands they actually are shown to be listening to. I’m neither the right age nor the right level of coolness to name names lmao but I think these bands and the other bands used in the show (with the caveat above that they aren’t canon interests technically and with a priority to scenes with the character in them) would be a good place to start spinning out headcanons or brainstorming band names for fic purposes etc.

#the year 2024 #2024: fandom thoughts #2024: daria

[enjennie]

Our Little Secret [Jaemin x Reader]

summary: How you ended up dating Na Jaemin and the struggles in hiding it from your brother Jeno.

genre: smut! fluff. secret relationship! au. brother's bestfriend au lmao

warnings: contains smut and profanity

a/n: hello! I've taken a really long break in writing and ALSO this is my first try in writing smut. Please excuse my inexperienced and beginner level in writing! enjoy ♡

On a normal day, you’d wake up at 8am nice and early to attend classes. But today was a weekend, and you hadn’t gotten much sleep thanks to your brother and his friends doing God knows in your backyard. Thus, explaining the hour in which you'd just woken up in being later than usual. You were just about to go down to get your first meal of the day at quarter to 12 in the afternoon.

“Hey, idiots! Call it a night, why don’t you?” You remember yelling through the window last night, scolding the boys.

You don’t know why you weren’t used to it yet. Every end of the month there would be boys night. Their favourite place to goof around in just so happened to be yours. Your parents were away on most nights, leaving their son in charge of the house more than not.

“Ya, Y/N! Go to bed,” yells Jeno, your brother who was the host of the night. You scowled and he does the same back at you. With heavy hands, you shut the window and wished it would block the noise out.

It was around 4 when you finally fell into a deep sleep, your earphones finally drowning out their screaming. No other reason as to why it took you that long to fall asleep at all. None at all. It wasn’t like you were waiting for a particular someone to slip into your room to give you some goodnight kisses.

Totally. Yeah, totally untrue. The truth is that you were waiting for Na Jaemin. You’ve been fooling around with him for a month now and you may or may not have asked him to come up for a bit.

You and Jaemin have been friends since your brother brought him home after school one day when you were little. Since then he’d become a familiar face around the house, always hanging about.

Unlike the other friends of your brother, Jaemin was different. Aside from being your brother’s closest friend, he wasn’t as wild and rowdy but rather calm and dare I say… maternal? He had the same vibe of a Kindergarten teacher. The other boys relied on him for advice and if they needed help with anything that had to do with adulting. You even caught Jaemin separating Jeno’s white and coloured clothes once and giving your brother an earful of why he should be doing them himself.

It all started when you came home one day, face strained with tears and mascara running down your cheeks. You’ve gotten dumped. The shittiest feeling ever. Jaemin just so happened to be passing by the house to drop over some video games he borrowed from Jeno when he saw you running towards the door. Before he could ask you what was wrong, you were already sobbing into his arms.

He's always been someone you found comfort in. You knew your feeling would just never be reciprocated so you did everything in your will to forget about it. But at that moment it just felt right, and Jaemin just so happened to be there at a time you needed someone the most.

You took him inside for some water and maybe a new change of shirt since you’d stained his with mascara. You didn’t expect to kiss him. You didn’t expect the kiss to lead into sex either. But soon enough your clothes travelled to the ground and you were pushing Jaemin into the pantry, too impatient to go up to your room but at the same time wanting a little privacy.

“Is this okay?” he breathed, hands roaming around your body in the dark. “I mean- your brother-“ he stutters.

“-isn’t here. Now make me feel good, Jaemin. Please,” you cut his sentence off. The last thing you wanted to think about before hooking up was your brother.

Your plea was the only push Jaemin needed. He was just helping you feel better after a breakup. Right? It’s not like he had underlying feelings for you since the first time Jeno introduced him to you. Right? Wrong again.

Jaemin knew things wouldn’t be the same for him after this, and he didn’t know if it was good or bad. Fuck, could I have at least told her I like her first? Jaemin was having an inner conflict all the while you were getting rid of his clothes bit by bit and touching him in places that felt so heavenly.

“Y/N, I like you,” he spat out.

You giggled, but you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t jump with joy. “Woah, I know we’re about to have sex but you don’t have to confess to me, y’know. It’s fine,” He really didn't have to make your heart flutter like that. You'd accepted it was just sex and you'd pretend nothing ever happened after this.

He took you by the shoulders and stood in front of him. He was glad the lights were off, so you wouldn’t see him all flustered. “No, Y/N. I actually like you. I like you a lot,”

The silence in the pantry was deafening and Jaemin swears he could hear his heart beating through his own ears waiting for your response. Instead, he feels your warm lips on his. Nothing could have been a better response.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I had to date so many jerks to try and get over you,” you whisper. Jaemin was grinning. He wanted the lights on now. He wanted to see you and hear what you just said to him. But he couldn’t find the switches so he just leaned in for another kiss.

The house is a mess and when you get to the living room you catch a glimpse of your brother and some of his friends laying on the couch and on the floor. Red cups and the TV playing on mute. You shake your head and sigh, knowing he’d get you to help him clean it up after. You don’t notice that the 7 boys in the living room was missing one.

When you get to the kitchen, you found the one missing boy from the group. Jaemin was up, flipping cooking up a breakfast. Compared to the living room, the kitchen was relatively clean. Only bowls, measuring cups and plates surrounded him for the pancakes he was cooking up.

He notices your presence and turns his head to face you, his smile instantly appearing on his pretty face.

“Morning, baby,” he greets, a sweet smile plastered on his face.

“Good morning,” you travel across the kitchen to get closer to him and take a peep of what he was cooking. His eyes follow you and he gets back to flipping the pancakes he had on the pan. He has to tear his eyes away from you.

You were clearly wearing his shirt. Getting braver, I see. You and him haven’t told anyone about the relationship yet. Not even Jeno. Jaemin’s been feeling horrible about it, but he wasn’t telling him only because you weren’t ready yet.

“You hungry? I made just enough for everyone,” he offers, directing his focus to the stove. The plate already had 10 steaming pancakes on it. It could probably fit 7 hungover boys and one starving you, right?

"Go set the table,” he doesn’t wait for your response because he knew without having to get one.

To your left were the plates and utensils already stacked and ready to go so you take them to set the table. The boys were still asleep so you tiptoe your way past them and quietly prepare the table. Jaemin follows suit, letting the smell of pancakes alone do the waking up for his friends. Although he wishes they take their time.

You take a seat, ready to dig in and he takes the seat beside you.

🔞 smut starts here

“Y/N, what would you say if I were to take you right now?” Jaemin’s question came out cool and easy, but it caused you to choke on the orange juice you were drinking.

You look to your right, where not too far away was your brother and his other friends in their slumber. Jaemin’s lips tug into a smirk at your reaction as he takes a bite of pancake.

“Pardon?” you ask, not quite believing what you’d just heard.

Jaemin leans closer to your ear this time before whispering, “I was asking what you’d do if I took you right now in the pantry,” his hand was reaching for the maple syrup beside you at the same time.

He sits back and uncaps it before pouring it slowly over his pancake. You watch him pour the smooth and sticky liquid and he watches as you bite down on your lip. He knew you were upset with him for not coming up to your room last night. But he simply couldn’t without being seen. He wanted to make it up to you for that.

“Your call,” he gets up and makes his way to the pantry room. You notice that the lights don’t go on from the small crack on the floor. After one last look at the living room, you take quick steps to follow him.

The moment you get through the door, Jaemin has you against the cabinet, his lips hungry and wanting.

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t do this last night,” he apologizes, biting your lips and earning a whimper from you.“They didn’t pass out until 4:30 and I figured you were asleep,” He was explaining but you were already way passed it.

You didn’t care anymore. Nothing else mattered, you just wanted him. “I don’t care,” you whisper.

Jaemin pushed through your shorts and felt you through your lace panties. You’d worn it just in case he came last night. "That’s what you missed out on,” you tell him and he chuckles.

Not wasting another second, Jaemin pushes the lace out of the way and inserts one finger. You gasp, holding onto him for support as your knees weakened at his touch.

“Let me make it up to you,” he bites on your earlobe before adding a second finger.

He starts pumping, setting his own pace and removing any tiredness you felt from having to wait for him all night. When he curls his fingers you’re sent into nirvana, and when he starts sucking on your neck on the spot he knows you like, you couldn’t help but let a moan slip.

Jaemin’s hand clamps over your mouth. His eyes had had adjusted to the dark and he could see your expression. You stare at him with wanting eyes and it’s enough for him to keep going, fastening the pace.

When the knot in your stomach tightens, you claw on Jaemin’s back and he picks up on the signal and hoists you onto the counter before lowering himself and pulling the lace down all the way. You spread yourself, awaiting him and when he presses his mouth to your heat. You're immediately thrown into a whole other world, tangling your fingers in his hair and gasping for air with each time you feel his tongue trace your folds. Soon enough, you were releasing onto him and Jaemin was lapping it up clean.

As you came down from your high he’d gotten up and was watching you with a satisfied smile on his face.

“Fuck,” you manage to say, too dumbed out to make out any other words to explain what you felt.

You feel him kiss your forehead before he whispers to you again, “We gotta go,”

You nod, gulping and try to compose yourself. You grab a box of cereal blindly in case Jeno and his friends were already awake and would be suspicious of them before following Jaemin to the door. He gives you another kiss before pulling the door open.

Just as you’d suspected, your brother had just gotten up from the couch and was walking in at the same time you’d gotten out. He looked at you both skeptically, but his hangover probably made it hard for him to process anything. He takes a seat and yawns. The rest of the boys enter the room after him.

“That’s my cereal,” Jeno points out at the Frosty Flakes you were carrying. Jaemin had taken his seat and continued eating the pancake he left like he wasn’t just eating something else a minute ago.

“Jaemin said he wanted some. So I showed him where it was,” you shrug before placing it on the table and grabbing your plate of half-eaten pancake. “Seeya,” you tell them, but it was directed to Jaemin.

“Seriously, do you take your brother for such an idiot to think he doesn’t suspect anything between us?” Jaemin sighs.

You could hear his heart beating steadily, finally calming down after the strenuous activity you’d just done. You have your head resting on his chest and you’ve been observing it, the pace and how it seemed to doubled when you traced lines along his arm.

You laugh, “I don’t think he’s an idiot. I find it a little fun to be hiding something from him,”

Jaemin didn’t find it fun at all. To him it felt like he was betraying Jeno. You knew how guilty Jaemin feels which is why you’d conjured a little plan. Some would probably say it’s going too far, but you called it a test of love. You knew Jeno had probably figured it out anyway.

“Don’t worry, he’s a big boy. Besides, he always says you’re like a brother to him. So why don’t I make you his brother-in law?”

You sit up to look at the boy in the dim lighting of his room. He looked glorious, basking in the only light source that came through his window from the moon. He brings up a hand to caress your cheek and you felt safe. It felt like home.

“Na Jaemin, what are you doing?”

The voice made Jaemin jump. It wasn’t yours, it was low and thunderous. It was someone he knew all too well, and he knew better than to make up an excuse. He’s been caught, this is it. This day was bound to come anyway.

Jaemin pulls his face away from yours, freezing in his place on your bed and turning his head to the door where sure enough, Jeno was standing. His hands were folded and pissed would be an understatement. Jaemin could see all the veins on his best friend’s arm and neck.

“Now… Jeno-“ Jaemin begins to explain. You watch as he tries to figure out the words to say. He’s calmly walking closer to his friend and has left your side on the bed where not moments ago he was just kissing you in. Jeno looks at him expectedly, waiting for a reason.

“Can we talk outside?” Jaemin quietly asks, but Jeno doesn’t move from his place in the doorway.

“I’d like to talk here,” your brother firmly states.

Jaemin sighs, looking back at you before preparing what he was about to say.

“Jeno I really like Y/N. Screw it, call it love. I'm in love with her and I’m a horrible friend for not telling you but we were going to tell you sooner or later anyway. I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” he sincerely apologizes.

Your lips part, listening to his words. He was taking the blame completely.

“You probably hate the shit out of me but I really like your sister, man. And I want nothing but to treat her with utmost care and give her everything she deserves,” he rambles.

Jeno was staring down at his friend and his eyes look over to you. When you told Jeno that you were dating Jaemin, he flicked your forehead harshly and said “I know. I’m not stupid,”

When you told him about how you wanted to see how Jaemin would react to getting caught, you didn’t need to ask twice. Jeno was onboard and wanted to do it as soon as possible. It was a good thing you went ahead and told him beforehand because if you hadn’t, Jaemin might have gotten something more than a flick on the forehead.

“And cut,” you say from behind the two boys. Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow together as he steps back and watches Jeno’s expression shift from anger to his regular smile. The boy looked between you siblings in pure confusion and you walk to clasp your fingers together. “You just got pranked, dude,”

“Wait, huh?” exclaims Jaemin. Jeno’s already laughing at this point and you’re cupping Jaemin’s face in your hands lovingly. “I told Jeno last night. I just wanted to see how you’d react,”

“You menaces!” Jaemin yells, pointing his finger between you and your brother.

“God, since we were young. Always pulling the pranks on me,” he huffs with a frustrated look on his face. You replace that with a smile by giving him a quick peck.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave ‘cus that’s gross to watch,” Jeno backs away, patting Jaemin on the shoulder and gesturing to his room down the hall. “Also,” he adds, catching both you and Jaemin’s attention.

“Stop hooking up in the pantry. Jesus Christ, are you guys exhibitionists?”

#nct jaemin #nct dream #nct dream scenarios #jaemin fic #jaemin smut #jaemin fluff #nct dream smut #jaemin au #nct dream au #nct smut #nct #na jaemin #jaemin scenarios

[spotsupstuff]

“Just tell me I cannot be helped.”

“...huh?”

“That is what I’ve been told for long now, Shā lǎoshī.” His forehead meets the ground, legs folded underneath him- all in a neat kowtow.

“You aren’t helpless. Look at me and hear.”

And Six Ear does- slowly pushing himself off the ground to stare at the golden arhat. All his ears are perked up high, the disgusting hateful marks of past’s wounds all out in the open. There’s no point in hiding any of those here.

He is here to be cleansed. By his own rough hands- teacher, said. At least attempt it.

To cultivate.

To mend what is broken within him and what he subsequently broke on the outside. To try better- turn himself all around like a Rubik’s cube so he can dive deep into his own innards and solve himself.

“This is for now only my guess...,” says Shā lǎoshī, a tired sigh in his voice. Six Ear’s hands are shaking and he feels like throwing up. His claws find home in the warm mat underneath him. “But I think the issue lies in how you cling onto things.”

“With due respect, that can’t be true. You are wrong.” Hisses out the sinner, snapping his eyes away.

The golden arhat raises a brow at him. There’s cold in his throat and something is choking him.

“I’m sorry to say.” Apologizes the greater one, for a reason he doesn’t want to understand. “You’ve build yourself upon your bonds. Your hate. Specifically towards your brother. You aren’t able to live without them.” Shā lǎoshī urges.

“Nonsense. I’ve let go of myself so many times. Of course I can let go of the relations whenever.”

“Kissing death a greeting...,” comes a ponder, “feeling your own breath grow cold... That kind of letting go isn’t the same one as the one you need.”

“Teacher, I need you to hear me. I experienced the weakness of spirit,” the moment he realizes he’s started crying feels like a blessing he could liken to an edge of a knife cutting his throat open for the world to see. “I’ve felt the craving after nonexistence. I want to become everything to them, but I know I’m fated to only follow by their footprints in the snow. I’m of the yīn, after all!”

“But not only of yīn. There is so much more to you. There is a choice.”

“I’ve thought of Nirvana with love in my heart and I’ve tried to look away from Saṃsāra. I wish not to see, but I don’t want to tear out my last eye. I’m scared of it. I wish not to hear, but sentenced with six of them as I am- it won’t let me let go. Of what you are- belief-wise- preaches the ability to let go. To be able to die without having to cry of sorrow! Am I not failing already??!”

“Cry- Please, that you can. Keep going.”

“I can’t understand it. This addiction to life, the fear of death clashing with the want of ending it, all so violently it makes me feel like trapped underneath ice of the arctic. The differences of the conscious and unconscious... They make me sick, teacher. But I need them and I can’t stop eating. Teacher, please listen!”

“I’m right here.”

“You shouldn’t be.” The yāoguài spits out and hugs himself tight, crumpling down like paper stars. “I’m sick of this. I don’t want to have to keep on pushing my breath on- it got tiring five hundred years ago. Mèng Pó doesn’t want me to taste forgetfulness. And I don’t want my heart beating on anymore, but I want to be here with myself.”

“Teacher, with all this conflict- I’m aware, I’m aware. One goes against the other and it leaves me confused.”

“That’s because you are still clinging on. Not to life, but to relations. Hear yourself, you always come back to the one kind you are intimately familiar with. You need to venture.”

“But HOW do I LET GO?! HOW CAN I??? I CAN’T EXIST WITHOUT THEIR BODIES!!!”

He slams his fists against the mat. The loud bang echoes through the room and his head. There’s a pressure against it, on the right side of it, directly against his brain. His first death rearing its head to remind him how he shouldn’t be here.

...

The macaque bites down on the pearl hidden underneath his tongue. Dares to take a breath.

“...he could do it. He should’ve. He’s basically already there. Not quite, because I’m still here, but he’s close. Why can’t I? I want to.” He whispers so silently, for a moment he worries teacher might have not even heard. With a sigh and a frown of effort, he relaxes his fists and spreads out his fingers.

“If I am a reflection painted on black seas... I need to follow. I need to cling on. He’s the reason I exist and I hate him for it, because he keeps himself... so... so... far away.”

Shā Dàlì settles a hand on the other’s shoulder. The pressure feels intoxicating. Maybe- if he tried hard enough- he could get himself wasted off it and escape from all of this. What is he even doing here, but making a fool of himself and backtracking on his own words, spinning in circles he can’t seem to understand the structure of?

Cautiously, he looks upwards into teacher’s face, into the soft aged eyes.

“Scream it out.” The arhat whispers to him, compassion for bloodshot eyes playing in the words like mighty embers. “Scream your pain out. I’m listening. I’m here. Let the ugly drip out of you. At least- so you could rest a while afterwards.”

The macaque grimaces but he himself can’t really tell why. Still, he’s shaking even more and feels like he just embraced the covers of his death bed for the seventeenth time.

So he does as he is told-

He vomits the repulsive words that burn his throat as they leave him. He shrieks at the top of his lungs until he can’t go on anymore and then retries once more. Maybe after his vocal cords rupture it will be finally- finally enough.

He needs to feel the internal abuse- get to know it so intimately that he won’t be capable of hiding from it ever again- the one of a neverending circle. The one dancing with the other he himself created out of irrational fear of being left behind. It’s so hard to learn of loving, keep on wanting when he isn’t really supposed to. It all is just asking him to look upon paintings with his eyes half closed and give a final verdict of their worth.

But he needs this. He needs to learn how to detach and yet hold softly. How to not need anything, but still ask of justice for himself.

To look into the faces of his mistakes is a duty he needs to fulfill. It’s like baring his own guts- offering the liver and the stomach of his body to no one, but himself.

He doesn’t want to. But he needs this.

...quietly he admits only to himself... that having Shā lǎoshī pulling him against his own chest in an attempt at comfort when he collapses did more for him than all of the screams.

Maybe he still has the chance to walk to where he is supposed to.

#lmk #// descriptions of gore // #fruit twins au #character analysis #my writing #shpootlin-doodlin #if this doesnt make sense thats okay its not. really supposed to make sense? verbally? #its just a mush of frustrations and thoughts about mortality connected to spirituality and mental health. i think bout that combo a lot #its why i like six as a character. its fun explorin my own world views through him

[scoups4lyfe]

w oo o. awh… Mama-san’s famous saying......

ლ(´﹏`ლ)

That's how you get’em boys

(Sidenote but DAMN that bath must be fking NIRVANA for my homeboy over here.)

Like….did ….they just not let him shower? Has he been dirty for ????? (Months??? days???? hELLO???) Gotta be at least the THIRD most inhuman thing those monsters have done

A bath AND a Home-cooked meal? Hah I’d never leave 👻.

….Yukimi’s sUCH a

s i m p

She seen this dirty-a$$ mess of a man buried in rubble, took him home, made sure he got a nice bath, and nOW THIS???

I kno I said she’s treating him like some abandoned stray kitten she found wet and pathetic in a mud puddle but DAMN

At this rate she’s gonna fking become the FOUNDER of the Pathetic Men Lovers Club

GIRL YOU COOKED IT 😱

(WHY DOES SHE NEED TO ASK THIS OH MY gAT)

I mean, full respect asking for his consent before eating with him bUT LOL

Capital K

Kween 👑 behavior

I imagine that Junie’s over here tho like : ?????

😶

oHH

Y O U CH

….I KNEW he was gonna ask this.

Same my brother in Christ;

she can’t look all happy and warm in her family home and family bath house and then not say where her family is. That’s like toasting bread and then not buttering it.

#and he’s RIGHT #CAUSSSE I’m curious :) #and then dead on impact #kronthescoup #my thougts #kamen rider revice #ikki why is ur demon so cringe #revice #kr revice #watching revice #revice spoilers #kamen rider #revice liveblog #kamen rider vail #no simps at bath 2 #shiranami junpei #revice spinoff

[power-chords]

When did you and Eddie Vedder first meet?

I met him in 1993, I remember it very well. I was at the Berkeley Community Centre, doing my solo show Psychoderelict. And it was a good night, that night. There were some good nights and some bad nights on that tour. But that was a good night. And Eddie was in the audience. I recognised him standing up in his sort of German military jacket. And he stood up through the show, while a lot of people were sitting down, so he was very visible. I remember him looking a bit lost.

Anyway, after the gig, I had about 30 visitors, because San Francisco is a place where I spent a lot of time over the years. And my manager Bill Curbishley said, “Before you see your guests, I want you to meet this young guy, Eddie Vedder, who’s the singer in Pearl Jam.” And I said, “OK.”

So he walked in and sat down and we started to make small talk. And he said, “I fucking hate this. I just hate it. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be in a band. I’m feeling like I just want to run away. I grew up on the beach in La Jolla surfing. And that’s really what I want to do for the rest of my life.” And he said, “I’ve heard that you’ve been through similar stuff” – because, 10 years before, I had left The Who.

I remember saying to him, “I’m afraid it’s too late.” And he said, “What do you mean?” And I said, “This isn’t like politics, you know, you don’t put yourself up for election, get your seat, fuck up the country and then retire. What you actually do is get railroaded. You just get grabbed and put on the stage, and told to keep doing what you’re doing until you’re allowed to stop. And you have absolutely no choice. You’ve been elected without standing. And you just might as well enjoy it, because it’s not going to go away.”

Anyway. We both sometimes speak about that conversation. And I think it did help him because I think it’s true. I think that’s what happens.

But with Eddie, I think the thing we have never talked about is his loyalty and his commitment to his band. Because he also wants to express himself as a solo artist and as a collaborator. And he’s a writer, he’s one of the key writers for Pearl Jam. So it must be overwhelming, but he stuck to it. He seems vigorous to this day. You know, he’s well past the kind of 34-year-old fuckwit that I became, when I was done dangling big record deals with The Who and playing stadiums and trying to do solo albums all at the same time. He seems to be managing really well [...]

Eddie loves The Who, but he also gets The Who. You can hear it in his Who cover versions or when he joins you on-stage. For instance, he does a version of Blue, Red And Grey [from The Who By Numbers] on the ukulele that really helped me rediscover the song. It must be gratifying to have someone really understand what it is you’ve been trying to do...

You’re absolutely right, but there’s another angle on that. When you have fans who are working musicians, and if there’s at least a 10 to 15 year gap, the relationship becomes respectful, and even exalting. I’ve been through it myself on occasions, when I’ve finally got to meet people like Little Richard or The Everly Brothers or Brian Wilson. But the punk movement in the UK changed things. It created a particularly British mechanism (chuckles), which is: ‘We love you, but you’re a complete and utter cunt! And we think everything that you did up until the point that we were born was really really great. But since we’ve been born, you’ve just turned into a big pile of rubbish.’ And this is you know, Britpop, it’s The Jam and it’s Oasis...

The difference with Pearl Jam and I think also with Nirvana – who were also Who fans – is that they were able to kind of roll with it, I suppose, and live with it. You see it in a huge way in country & western music, in particular in America, and maybe in folk music, where the older artists are not just respected and lauded but also allowed to continue, not to just roll over and die. A lot of my midlife shit was about the idea that I too felt that I should roll over and die. And I think that is very much a British thing. That you mustn’t outstay your welcome. And you must also embrace new ideas. They call it neotericism. It’s when you value the new more than the old, whether or not the new or the old is better. With Eddie, there’s no question. He doesn’t feel he has to be embarrassed for being a Who fan.

#pete townshend #eddie vedder #the who #pearl jam #grunge

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 1 of 2

SPOILER ALERT.

It's probably just the alcohol, but the beats of the music are starting to sound a little bit like a marching drum that's announcing war. She can feel herself dancing along to it, but her whole body is on alert, ready to switch to fight and flight any second.

"So, cool place huh?" The bloke in the leather jacket asks.

She tries to remember his name. Jeff something. Or maybe Jed. No, not Jed, she's thinking of Star Wars again. That's what happens when you binge watch a multiverse of movies in a single day.

Oh, yeah, that's right. She broke the multiverse.

Another shot of tequila, and she takes not-Jed's hand in hers. It doesn't feel right, at least not the way-

No.

She realises he asked her a question, but she can't remember what, and she just laughs, because that always works.

Encouraged, he leans in close and whispers into her ears. "How about we get out of here?"

"And go where, exactly?" She asks, but she's not sure he understands, not with how slurred the words come out.

She laughs again, and this time, it's bitter. This time, she's laughing at how this is so him, this getting drunk in the face of imminent danger and making a mess of things.

(But I'm not you.)

---

She's frozen in her place the second the glowing yellow door appears. But it's not for her, at least not this time.

She hasn't been on the run for a while. Doesn't need to be. Because even though she is the one who unleashed the chaos, it's the chaos that needs to be contained immediately. She's low on the list of priorities.

The TVA will come for her. But not right now.

---

It's extremely easy pretending to be a psychic. All she has to do is take her client's hands and enchant him, find a memory, describe it back to him.

Sometimes she does it just for fun, just to see the look of amazement on their faces.

Other times, she does it for the money she needs to survive.

"And I see a blonde woman. Very beautiful."

"That's my wife."

The way he smiles, loving and proud, makes her heart drop.

"What do you see in her future? Is she happy? Does she get the job at the magazine?"

There is definitely at least one timeline where she does get the job, but The Enchantress cannot exactly tell if it's this one. She can't actually see the future, after all.

She sees the colors drain from his face as her silence swallows the room. "She's going to be okay, right? I just want her to be okay."

(I just want you to be okay.)

There's that bitter laugh again, because-

No. She can't do this right now.

"She loves you very much", she whispers, to the man in front of her, and to the man who is not there to hear those words.

---

Mobius finds her in the middle of a concert by a Nirvana where Kurt Cobain never died. She can easily slip away, disappear into the screaming, writhing crowd if she wants.

Or she can just take him some place quiet and hear him out.

"Help us", Mobius pleads. He sounds exhausted, and not just physically. "We're outnumbered and outwitted. Our world is in danger."

"This isn't my world", she reminds him.

"Yet, you're here", he retorts.

Her smile is pained. "Where else will I go?"

He is sympathetic, like he always has been. And he offers her a new glorious purpose. "Come with me. We need you. He needs you."

She feels the air find its way out of her lungs the same way she pushed him out of her life- painfully, forcefully. "H-how is he?"

"He's okay... all things considered."

Now there's a cocktail of relief and disappointment that will give her months of sleepless nights.

"Tell him I'm-" she starts, but she doesn't know how to finish that sentence. What can she tell him? That she's sorry for not trusting him when she should have? That she's sorry for making the universes collide?

That she's sorry for betraying him and breaking his heart?

(How will I know you won't betray me at the end?)

"Nevermind."

---

It's been really hard facing the consequences of her actions, watching the timelines bleed into each other and destroy people's lives- families torn, achievements gone, every little anomaly delving into death and destruction. Every headline on the newspaper is her fault, and she has to live with that.

But that seems so easy compared to this moment where she has to face him.

The plan was to send him away, kill He Who Remains, give people their free will back, save the world, then come back to him. Yeah, he'd be mad at her at first, sure, but he'd forgive her eventually, she was confident.

Then the timelines started to branch the minute she stuck the dagger in that terrifying man's chest, and she knew she had screwed up.

She had sunk to the ground in defeat as the realisation of the repercussions hit her, and she did what she has always done- run.

She didn't even realise she had sent him to the wrong universe until she teleported herself into another universe as well. The journey back was long and lonely, but she dreamt of him in colors while the world was bleeding red, and that was enough to keep her going.

She doesn't really know what she'll do when she sees him again. Neither does she know what reaction she expects from him. Nothing he can say to her can be worse than what she thinks of herself.

A part of her hopes he would be overwhelmingly happy, he would come running to her, just like he did at The Void, greet her with the smile that has won a hundred hearts- including hers, and tell her everything will be alright. Another part of her fears that he would be furious, and he would confront her with accusations of unleashing havoc on all worlds- especially his.

What she never expected is this eerie calm that makes her feel like she is standing in the storm center.

His walls are up.

And it causes her to redirect the anger she feels at herself towards him. There's venom in her voice. "So you do get to rule, after all."

"I don't feel much like a king." He shrugs. "I'm more of a multiversal janitor. Mopping up multiversal messes."

"My messes."

"Our messes." He corrects, his features softening around the edges. "We made a mistake." He has been saying that ever since he found himself in the alternate TVA, and that hasn't changed even after getting back to his own version of the bureau. Always "we", never "she". He simply cannot bring himself to blame her without taking accountability for his part in the mess.

"Don't patronize me." Her hands are shaking, just like her voice, a sharp contrast to his steady silhouette, and can he just hold her, please? "I don't need you to take the fall for me."

His eyes go cold, like they were forged in the heart of Jotunheim. "Of course not", he says, fully composed. "You don't need me for anything. It's not like we're in this together."

(Maybe we can figure it out-together.)

---

She now knows her walls don't- can't- keep the hurt out- it just keeps her locked inside this cage of distrust and insecurities. And the price she has to pay for it is too high.

They could have been lying on a beach somewhere, sipping mimosas right now. Instead, they're here, in the vast, silent library of the TVA, sitting on separate tables, reading files on variants.

The only thing worse than bearing the weight of his gaze is having him stare at his files without looking in her direction even once. She can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry." She suddenly blurts out.

He looks up, confused. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm sorry for what I did." She repeats. It's difficult to start an apology, but once she finds the strength to begin, the rest of it flows automatically. "I'm sorry I messed up everything. I'm sorry I broke the timelines. I'm sorry the world is in danger." She takes in a deep breath. "And I'm sorry I betrayed you."

His smile is the saddest kind. "A Loki betraying a Loki. That's the least surprising thing in the world. What's shocking is how I didn't see it coming. You really had me going with that kiss. Very nice distraction. Very Loki."

Free will comes with the fine-print of living with the consequences of your choices. And she has to live with hers every day. The tears finally spill out of her eyes. She hasn't let herself cry for a long, long time. But now she's breaking down worse than the multiverse. "I didn't do it to distract you. I did it to say goodbye."

He gets up, and she panics that he's leaving. Instead, he sits down in front of her, reaches for her hand, but changes his mind mid-way and lets them fall to his side. "You didn't have to say goodbye."

"It's all I've ever known." She feels like that scared little girl, far from home, running from minute men, with nobody to turn to but herself. "I told you, I don't have anyone."

"You had me."

That's the saddest part of it all, isn't it? Everything else in her life is the TVA's fault. She's torn from Asgard? Hasn't seen her parents in years? Can't remember her brother Thor? Spent her whole childhood running and hiding? All TVA.

But this? This is all her own doing. This is the one time she had something real, something worth holding onto, someone worth fighting against the world for. Instead, she questioned his intentions, didn't hold on, fought him and ruined everything.

"I didn't want to rule, Sylvie", he finally tells her. "I wanted you."

She has dreamed of this moment when he tells her how he feels. They have come so close to it so many times, the words dangling off the edge of his tongue but never quite finding their way out. She has always known- every word, every action pointed to it. But it was so hard to imagine someone could love her.

It's so hard to imagine someone can love her again. The past tense in his wording terrifies her worse than any danger ever could. "Is it too late to fix things?"

His smile doesn't reach his eyes. "We are fixing things. That's why we are here. Saving the universe."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't know how to trust you again, Sylvie." He tells her point blank- no deception, no lies, no Loki-ism. "And you never trusted me to begin with."

That's not entirely true. She trusts him more than she has trusted anyone. "I really thought I was doing the right thing."

"I know."

(Not to be dramatic, but yeah, we're saving the universe.)

---

The Avengers are much nicer than Loki described them, considering they don't kill her for what she has done, instead tell her about their own journeys towards redemption. Wanda tells her about the man she has loved and lost, and the pain she has caused to an entire town. Barnes talks about his past as a brainwashed assassin. Clint tells her the story of Natasha and how she took charge and changed her life.

Thor is the kindest of them all. He talks about how far Loki himself has come. He tells her stories of his version of Asgard, the nine realms, the glorious battles, the beauty of earth.

She still dreams of death, but sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes, she hopes.

---

(To be continued)

#loki x sylvie #fanfiction #sylvie x loki #loki fanfic #loki #sylvie laufeydottir #sylki fanfic #sylki