#he's so traditional he doesn't understand that getting love and support from your dad is like...THE most important thing

[nonbinarymissdude]

frank iero i love you so much. stomachaches i love you so much. that album. lord it's been with me since middle school. and it's hit differently in different stages of my life. i remember the first time i heard a song from it in 7th grade.

#that was 7 years ago #im 19! #im actually still very ridiculously young i gotta remind myself that #i was talking to my dad and we had a really good conversation #he's so traditional he doesn't understand that getting love and support from your dad is like...THE most important thing #like pops thank you so much for giving me the things i want and supporting my interests financially it is a blessing #i want you to accept me as a person more than anything tbh #oh but yeah i mentioned how i felt like it was too late for me #but im actually very young #like way too young to be saying that #im not even 20 #im 19

[oofthwoods]

'23 grid ── ˙ ̟ the echo !!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 :: an overview of fem!driver relationship with a few drivers on the grid. just a bunch of cute headcanons that i can't get out of my head. i only added the ones i feel she would be closest with, but feel free to ask me about any other driver!

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :: recommend reading the introduction for the backstory.

˒ ⌕ — MICK SCHUMACHER ( 47 )

more than mere teammates, mick and her have been glued to the hip ever since they met. with both of their parents being ex-formula one drivers for the same team, it was clear from the very start that they would see each other very often. as kids, wondering around the paddock, as teens, supporting each other on the track and now, as young adults, competing against each other on porsche and f1.

while mick is a sweet, introverted guy who tends to think about every word that leaves his miuth, she is the complete opposite — loud, bashful and someone who should have a bigger filter between your brain and mouth. is the epitome of orange cat × golden retriever, and fans eat it up.

while mick sometimes can calm her, it's more likely that she brings him into her shenanigans.

˒ ⌕ — MAX VERSTAPPEN ( 33 )

her and max couldn't have a more different upbringing. while he was roughly shaped into a champion by his father, she had been carefully brought into the motorsport world by yours.

they've met during her years as a red bull junior, and what started with max being a bit annoyed by her non-stop talking quickly turned into an honest friendship, where they both can say whatever they want.

it leads to max saying the most unhinged things and her being the only one who jokes along instead of feeling concerned.

˒ ⌕ — LEWIS HAMILTON ( 44 )

probably one of the cutest driver pairings in the grid. fans love to dig out old picture from the two and compare to it now.

lewis has always had a soft spot for her, ever since she was a kid roaming around in the paddock. he would show her his car, explaining all the things to her and claiming that his team was better than whatever team her dad was on.

once she came back to the paddock, now as a driver, he took one look at her and immediately took her under his wing. they both are, in their own ways, alone within the rest of the grid and he wouldn't let the media, or anyone for what matters, dim her light.

on the daily, he is always checking up on her, not in a overbearing fatherly way, but more as an older brother figure.

during her first months he managed to convince the media outlets to pair them both together for every interview, and he was always quick to shut down any stupid question sent her way.

if she annoys him for long enough, she manages to make him agree to coordinate his outfits with her.

˒ ⌕ — FERNANDO ALONSO ( 14 )

similar to lewis, she met alonso when she was very young. although he had a bad reputation during that time, she always loved to hang out with him, because she loved how cool he looked every time he won a race.

it took him some time to warm up to her, as he was never that great with kids when he was younger, but when she gifted him a drawing she had made of him winning a race, he was done for. yes, he was still seen as some sort of villain, but everyone agreed that he looked more human when she was on him arms.

he would grab her from her father's garage (with his permission, of course) and would take her to his, always waiting with her favorite flavor of pizza. it became a tradition for the both of them to eat it before a race, being his or hers.

whenever he could, he would watch her races from her garage, proudly wearing team merchandise with her name on it. when she won her f2 championship, he made sure to stand closely to the podium, and he would deny it, but he cried a bit when she raised her trophy.

such a cute duo because he tries to keep up with the things she likes, but still doesn't fully understand everything, so one day he would randomly say that her outfits is slaying and would leave with a polite smile while she stands there, confused, wondering where the hell did he learn that.

still tries to continue their pizza traditions <3

˒ ⌕ — LANDO NORRIS ( 04 )

they both barely knew each other before her debut in f1, but somehow clicked instantly. it might be because of their self depreciated tendencies, or their constant sarcasm. who knows? the only thing that matters is that when a reporter asks a stupid question, they can communicate with a single glance.

lando tries to get her intro photography but gives up once she couldn't fully understand how to correctly operate a camera. claims that she is a pretty good model to make up for it <3

somehow they know everything about everyone. it's a mix of lando knowing the drivers very well, and her knowing a lot of the mechanics of different teams. whenever something happens in the paddock, they both definitely know.

˒ ⌕ — GEORGE RUSSELL ( 63 )

met simply because she thought his pose was so funny that she had to ask him if he thought about it previously or decided to just wing it during filming. he was slightly confused that she seemed so friendly after they had just net, but quickly understood that was simply how she acted.

the most meme worthy duo. with his perfect timed actions and her dynamic facial expressions, their faces are always seen together plastered on twitter.

the butt of most of her jokes. she constantly sends him tiktoks and he claims that he is tired of it, but always sees each one and gives a little commentary.

if lewis is her caring older brother, george is her annoying one.

˒ ⌕ — OSCAR PIASTRI ( 81 )

the two of them have a long running joke because they don't know when they met. they've never competed against each other, as he was always one year above in the series, and never raced for the same team, but somehow, they feel like you've always been friends.

(they once actually sat down to try and trace back to their first meeting, but only got as far as to a gala in 2020, but they both remember already being friends during that.)

people thought they would never see them interact because of their distinct personalities and were very surprised when she pulled him into a hug after their race in bahrain.

always bantering and joking, oscar likes that she understand his sense of humor and don't take it too seriously.

˒ ⌕ — ALEX ALBON ( 23 )

met solely because she felt the need to tell him how pretty his girlfriend was. he was very confused but appreciated the compliment (even though it wasn't dedicated to him).

after that he kept getting drawn by her straight to the point comments, always failing to conceal his laughter after she says something, either during debriefing or interviews.

she pretty much became his and lily's daughter. they take her out to eat after races, lily tries to teach her how to golf and alex convinces her to die her hair if she scores at least 10 ponths.

#f1 imagine #f1 imagines #f1 scenarios #f1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 imagines #formula 1 scenarios #formula 1 x reader #formula one imagine #formula one imagines #formula one scenarios #formula one x reader #fem!driver #fem!driver reader #lando norris x reader #mick schumacher x reader #oscar piastri x reader #⋆⠀᰷ ֹ 🍙 ˓ the echo ﹗

[merakiui]

I am E A T I N G the accidental preganancy trope like good soup 👏 I’m so curious how that would be for more “hardass” characters who are hyper-focused/hyperfixated on their life and goals like:

-Azul, Jade to an extent, Rollo, Riddle, Vil

(Honorable mentions: Leona, Malleus, Jamil, Idia, and Deuce)

Like they could be doing SO well in their lives and are successful businessmen, mafia bosses, doctors, priests, etc etc lol (or are starting their young adult years!!!) and a baby is just SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD I LOVE IT lol

:o !!!! I think most of them on the list would take responsibility by marrying you or offering some form of assistance and support, whether monetary, emotional, physical (or all and more).

Rollo is a man of tradition, so naturally his first thought is to assume responsibility by marrying you. I think Riddle might think somewhere along the same lines because rules are so engrained into his being, and knowing how his mother is she likely views accidental pregnancies with such hateful scorn. Riddle thinks he's breaking a rule by not marrying you and he panics a little as he frets over how he'll tell his mother of this because it completely ruins her arranged marriage plans for him. But then it's almost a blessing in disguise because it gives Riddle the chance to make more choices for himself and have more autonomy over his personal life and relationships.

Malleus and Deuce are the characters who are the most thrilled with the news. They're both so in love with you, so an accidental pregnancy doesn't even feel like an accident to them because of how accepting of it they are! :D in Deuce's case, he looks so amazed as he asks to feel your belly (regardless of whether you're already showing or not) and he looks so excited. Does this mean he's going to be a dad now? It totally means that, right?! Omg he can't wait to tell his mama!!!!! And Malleus is so overjoyed. Very happy dragon hours. >w< he just radiates ebullience, but no one can truly tell because his expressions are often misread. But Lilia knows and he's very happy for you and Malleus.

Knowing Azul, he finds some way to work a child into his life. He's always making plans for the future, and while some aspects of these plans may be set in stone he can make changes when necessary. Maybe he's not entirely pleased because he's so worried and anxious, but then it hits him that he's going to be a father and ohhhh he's so soft. T^T I think Vil is much the same when it comes to his future. He's also highly determined and won't settle for less. For him a child is a surprise. He may not have planned to become a parent at this stage in his life, but he isn't complaining. Vil doesn't care what the media will say. He'll do his best to shield you from them so you can have a healthy, happy pregnancy and carry to term. He is so supportive!!!! Whatever you need or want, he'll get it for you.

Idia panics. T_T oh, he is so not ready. So unprepared. Filled to the brim with anxiety. What do you mean he's going to be a DAD????? That feels so impossible to fathom for him. He's just a gamer (and super intelligent tech genius who is renowned for his accomplishments, but that's besides the point). >_< you can't expect him to be S-tier at parenting when the only thing he's ever raised in his life are high-scores and virtual pets. ;;;; he's putty in your hands. You can do whatever you want; it's your body, so he won't force you to do something you don't want to do. If you do decide to keep the baby, he's poring over reputable sources online in an effort to understand how any of this works. He doesn't want to tell his parents because he knows how much they'll fawn and how eccentric they can be. Mama Shroud will share all sorts of stories from her time when she was pregnant; if you ever need anything, the Shrouds provide! You're set for life. And Ortho's excited to welcome another member into the family!!!

Leona has to warm up to the idea because kids have never been his priority. He takes responsibility; he's not going to be a scumbag or a deadbeat. Absolutely not. And he provides more than enough for you. If his brother's wife thought he was mistreating you, he'd never hear the end of it. But also Leona would never dream of mistreating you. Sure, the news is a bit of a shock at first and he's not too keen about raising a child with you, but that's just life. It's always going to be shocking when you least expect it. He may not be fond of it in the beginning, but when those feelings hit and he realizes he's a father and he's bonding more with you and feeling the baby kick and tumble around inside; it's genuinely so soft and sweet,,,, yeah, maybe this isn't so bad...

Jade........ he lives for surprises like this. To say he's pleased is an understatement. He is brimming with excitement and he wants to tell everyone and no one all at once. This is such a pleasant surprise! He cannot stop grinning because the two of you share such a wonderful secret now and he's going to keep it from everyone for as long as he can just so he can see them get shocked. You're probably in on it, too. >:) the two of you are so devious. I think he's the most relaxed with an accidental pregnancy, and his composed attitude definitely eases some of your initial fears. You're so relieved he's not upset, but then how could he ever be upset? You've created life together and he loves you. Oh, did you not know about that? :3c like news of your pregnancy, Jade's confession is just as sudden and shocking. (The two of you have lots of fun gaslighting Floyd when he visits and starts to take note of the subtle changes to you, which you both insist nothing has changed. It's all in good fun. Floyd's going to kick Jade's ass after the truth comes to light. How dare he not tell him he's having a baby with Shrimpy!!!!! That conceited asshole!!!)

#twisted chit chat #tw: pregnancy

[wing-ed-thing]

Tobirama Mentorship Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns

𓆃 One of those old school hard-asses who you think is going to be really hard on you, but is surprisingly patient, a great teacher, and is overall just sort of awkward.

𓆃 Out of all the mentors you could choose, Tobirama definitely isn't the popular choice. After all, Hashirama is far more charismatic (and hokage) and Madara, as standoffish as he is, offers a mysterious promise for great power.

𓆃 Tobirama is a surprising mix of technique and unexpected charisma. While more aloof and serious at first, you can count on Tobirama to simply be absolutely excellent at teaching.

𓆃 He somehow understands where the hold-ups happen and offers great advice on bypassing learning difficulties. He'll always have you try the hard technique first, making you accomplish that before he gives you the "shortcut version."

𓆃 "Do you see how much simpler making that one adjustment was?" he'll ask, knowing well his techniques work, "Compare that to the traditional method. It cuts the work in half."

𓆃 Very attached to the phrase, "Work smarter" with a great insistence that it "does not mean cutting corners!"

𓆃 Tobirama is extremely perceptive and has a large range of knowledge of different jutsu and types which he throws into mental calculations to understand where your hang-ups may be.

𓆃 He almost annoyingly leaves you to figure things out before he gives you the answer. Tobirama is trying to train you to think multi-dimensionally about your jutsu so that you can be creative in solving your own problems.

𓆃 Not only is he extremely smart, but he's great at communicating. You won't get clearer instructions from any other instructor and never makes you feel bad about asking questions.

𓆃 He takes each one seriously and puts significant thought into his answers.

𓆃 Tobirama isn't very charismatic off the bat. Instead, he has a perpetual resting angry face that makes him rather unapproachable.

𓆃 It's important to know that his expressions are subtle and are off this RBF base. He has no idea that he's making a sour, judgmental face most of the time.

𓆃 He's actually very dorky and will try to say things to relate to you, only to fail on the execution.

𓆃 From pathetic dad jokes that don't really make sense to "so... what kind of kunai do you carry?" he's not really good at socializing with his students when he's trying.

𓆃 Tobirama, however, loves pranks. He loves getting into hijinks so he'll end up being this "kind of cool mentor" by letting you into restricted areas and the like.

𓆃 He'll wear this little smirk because he's trying to act like he doesn't know what he's doing, but he loves that he's working with his students to play funnies on other people.

𓆃 Along with his awkward communication, Tobirama can frequently say very harsh things without realizing it. Being on the more "logical side," he doesn't often think about the connotations of the things he says.

𓆃 Tobirama is overall a really great choice for a mentor! While your beginning may be bumpy, you get the best of both worlds. You get to have a serious education and learn powerful new jutsu from a legendary shinobi who really treats you like family.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: You would not believe how hard it's been to get good Tobirama panels let me tell you—

#Tobirama x reader #Tobirama senju x reader #naruto x reader #Tobirama headcanons #platonic headcanons #naruto headcanons #naruto headcanon #naruto x you #naruto x y/n #x reader #naruto #x you #reader insert #x gn reader

[thestupidhelmet]

Oooh can I get 23 & 24 for Q and Z? 🤍

Queer (LGBTQ+) AU Headcanon: Eric/Buddy, Fez/Buddy

Eric/Buddy: They enjoy going to car shows together. Eric sighs at all the cars he thinks he'll never be rich enough to own. Buddy rubs his back and says, "I am. Pick out your favorite. I'll get it for you on our eleventh anniversary."

Eric: That's nine years from now, but ... I can wait.

Buddy: Who said I was going by years?

Eric [curious and flirtatious]: What are you going by?

Buddy: The eleven-minute anniversary after you choose the car you want.

Turned on and feeling loved, Eric kisses Buddy. Fortunately, no one sees them (it is the 1970s in Wisconsin after all; they've got to keep themselves safe).

Buddy [teasing]: I hope you love me for more than my money.

Eric: Actually, I'd rather be able to pay for the car myself. I'd also prefer to be the one who can buy you expensive things. So, if anything, I love you in spite of your money.

Buddy [caressing the back of Eric's hair]: We've got to work on your ideas about traditional gender roles.

Eric: But we're both men.

Buddy: And ... ?

Eric [partially understanding]: We're both men! So we can both be the bread-winners, bring home the bacon -- and why are there so many food metaphors for making money?

Buddy: Eric, if you weren't so cute, I'd be pissed. But even if you were dating a girl, she should be able to "bring home the baon," and I don't mean food.

Eric: Right. You're right. ... Say, can we swing by the Piggly Wiggly before going home? I've got a hankering for bacon now.

Buddy: Sure, and you can pay for it.

Eric: And you can cook it because I burn anything that touches a pan.

Buddy: Your mom's a great cook. Didn't she teach you any skills?

Eric: Oh, she tried. And my dad tried to teach me how to aim a flashlight, and you know how that went.

Buddy laughs and slings his arm around Eric's shoulders. "Let's go find your dream car."

Eric stops him and says, "Wait, wait. I already have my dream guy. The car can wait a few more years."

Buddy, touched, returns Eric's earlier kiss. They enjoy the rest of the car show then have an early dinner where bacon is the main course.

---

Fez/Buddy: Fez doesn't withhold his affection for Buddy in school, but he does express it surreptitiously (because 1970s Wisconsin). When leaving notes in Buddy's locker, he copies Jackie's penchant for dotting her I's with a heart so that if people spot Buddy reading these notes, they'll think a girl wrote it.

📝: I'm potentially going to write a Fez/Buddy fic, and I don't want to spoil what I've already planned. That's why my answer for them is short in comparison to that for Eric/Buddy.

Zennie (Jackie/Hyde) Interaction: Eric/Buddy, Fez/Buddy

Eric/Buddy: They go on a double-date with Jackie and Hyde at the bowling alley and have a friendly competition. The scores are close. All four of them are good bowlers, and Jackie and Buddy both have custom-made bowling balls.

Out of respect for the fact Eric and Buddy would put themselves in danger were they to make out during Jackie and Hyde's turns (or at any point during their date in the bowling alley), Jackie and Hyde stick to subtler PDA.

Eric and Buddy, though, have come up with a secret code for what they feel. High fives, low fives, a shoulder pat, a back pat. These all mean different, significant feelings.

Jackie, having gotten close to Buddy and generally having empathy, is angry on his and Eric's behalf that their love can't be expressed out in the open. She and Hyde, who supports Eric a hundred percent, join a movement for equal rights for and ending discrimination against gay people.

---

Fez/Buddy: Jackie invites Fez and Buddy to spend a weekend at her family's ski cabin with her and Hyde. Word gets out to the rest of their friends (Fez was too excited about it to stay quiet), and Eric and Kelso want to spend the weekend there, too.

"It's just for couples," Jackie says.

"I'm dating Donna," Eric says.

Jackie narrows her eyes. "For now."

Eric: What's that supposed to mean?

Hyde: It means, Forman, she doesn't know if you two are gonna stick it out.

Kelso laughs at the unintended innuendo, but Donna is annoyed and says, "We're engaged, so you both can shut it."

After the initial shock -- Eric's included ("That was supposed to be a secret!") -- of Donna's announcement, Jackie says, "Fine. Then the trip is only for couples who aren't engaged."

Kelso: That's not fair! Fez and Buddy'll never get engaged, so they'll always be invited to the ski cabin.

Fez: Kelso, that is not the problem you think it is.

Hyde: Yeah, man. They could get engaged, but no one can marry 'em. Not legally. 'Course, I'm never gettin' married, so they could take my spot if that was freakin' possible.

Jackie: Steven, your ideas about marriage will change. And so will the country's. If two consenting adults love each other, them getting married hurts no one. It'll actually help society! Imagine how much more revenue the wedding industry will generate. It's economics.

Fez: And the rate of divorce among heterosexual couples keeps increasing, so heterosexuality does not automatically equal a happy marriage.

Hyde: Exactly. Which is why I'm not gettin' married.

Jackie: Today.

Hyde: Ever.

Fez: I would like to marry Buddy someday. We've been together almost five years, and we're the only couple among us who hasn't had a break-up.

Hyde: Me and Jackie haven't broken up.

Jackie: Today.

Hyde: What's that supposed to mean?

Fez, Eric, Donna, Kelso: You know what it means.

Jackie: Never getting married?

Hyde doesn't know what to say.

At the ski cabin that weekend, Buddy and Fez give Hyde a talking-to. Hyde thanks them but says he and Jackie'll be fine.

Buddy [holding Fez's hand on the main room sofa]: If you don't care about losing her, you will be fine. I, however, would be devastated to lose Fez. I think he feels the same way about me --

Fez: I do.

Buddy: Which is why we're so careful. One or both of us could get killed simply for loving each other. What's the worst thing if you marry Jackie in the future, that you're happy?

Hyde [after a moment, mumbling]: That we get divorced.

Buddy and Fez: What?

Hyde: Nothin'. ... Nothin' compared to what you two have to deal with. If either of you tell Jackie I'm not against marrying her someday --

Fez [scared]: You'll out us at school?

Hyde [shocked Fez would think that]: Hell no! I just want to tell her myself is all. And, uh ... you guys should invite us to your next activism meeting. Think you'll get two new members.

Hyde leaves Buddy and Fez so they can go skiing together -- and so he can have an important discussion with Jackie.

Jukebox Ask Game

#that 70s show #that '70s show #eric x buddy #fez x buddy #jackie x hyde #ask game #jukebox ask game #ficlet

[lunar-years]

do u think keeley has daddy issues? considering jamie’s dad is an abusive prick and roy’s dad is implied to be neglectful & “traditional”/toxic

I actually think Keeley has far more Mommy Issues than daddy issues, lol. But I don't think she's particularly close to either one of her parents and yeah she probably doesn't get on super great with her dad, either. Everyone on this show (minus Sam ily Ola <3) has to have a least a lick of daddy issues, it's like an entry level requirement, isn't it!

I assume neither of her parents were particularly thrilled at her going straight from school to topless-jumping-from-a-plane modeling. But I also imagine her dad as more of "sit back and let my wife do the talking" checked-out kind of parent, whereas Keeley and her mum were having full-on screaming matches when she was a teenager.

Just from that one line we get re: her mum in canon, I imagine Keeley finds her mother very frustrating, in how she refused to stick up for herself at her job where her hard work was constantly being claimed by the men around her. Keeley can't understand her mum and her mum can't understand her.

And this is venturing fully into headcanon territory apropos of nothing, but... I envision her parents as divorced, and so that kind of frustration extends to Keeley's views about their relationship as well. Maybe Keeley felt her mum should've left her dad ages before they actually divorced, because here her mum was working a full day and coming home and doing his laundry and cooking their meals, and Keeley for the life of her cannot and could never understand why her mum would let herself be treated like that. Like, I think she views her mum as a little spineless. And ultimately I think it was her dad who did the leaving, because her mum would never, and that frustrates Keeley even more.

I also have this idea that her dad divorces her mum and very shortly after goes off and finds a new family, wife and stepkids and that, and Keeley is fuming at how he could do that to her and her mother but her mum is just...apathetic. It's like, Keeley keeps wanting and searching and hoping for a commaraderie with her mother that simply isn't there. And the same goes for when she goes on to her modeling career, and she's facing all the sexism that comes with that and struggling and working her ass off just to get a single ring up the ladder, which SHOULD be something her mum can relate to. Keeley is a little desperate for that support, but her mum just won't give it. All she has for Keeley is constant criticism about her life choices. “You know you’re not going to be able to rely on your good looks forever, Keeley, you need to find a real job” type of shit, you know.

So like, basically I think Keeley as an adult can be polite and have more pleasant interactions with her dad than with her mother, because her dad sucks but it's in such a straightforward way, whereas she has a much more complicated relationship to her mum, whom she doesn't like, but loves, and who she pities but also admires in a way. And she actually wants a relationship with her mum (that simply doesn't exist no matter what she does or accomplishes or tries), or did at some point at least. So Keeley takes a lot more out on her. Which, yeah maybe isn't very fair of her, but such are mothers and daughters. She cares more so it hurts more, etc.

#Long story short: Keeley loathes the idea of becoming her mother and sees her mother's life as like. a prison of her own making. #whilst Keeley's mum can't comprehend why her daughter is so deviant. why can't she be content with a 'normal' simple life. #why won't she settle down into a regular steady job a husband and kids wouldn't this make her happier? #so there's this giant chasm between them neither one can cross #sorry this is so long i have SO MANY THOUGHTS on her family's dynamic they fascinate me #ted lasso #ted lasso meta #keeley jones #ted lasso headcanon #asks

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hey, Ralph.

I don’t know how to word this, but do you have any tips for learning to enjoy life again? I’m 24. Just graduated a couple months ago with a Masters. I feel stuck in my current job��not really liking the work anymore, not feeling fulfilled, not making a lot of money, not clicking with my boss. I do what my boss asks but I don’t feel supported by him and don’t see him as someone I can go to if I have a question or need help, which slows down my work. I also feel so much pressure from my parents to do well in my career. My relationship with my dad consists only of talk about my career/money and how I’m not where I need to be in life. He hates that I didn’t major/work in a STEM field or do business.

I don’t really have any interests either. I mean, I feel so burnt out from my education that I can’t even enjoy the things I used to anymore. I went straight from undergrad to masters and feel really burnt out from that. I used to love reading and writing but I can’t enjoy it without feeling like it’s an assignment. But I also find it hard to commit to learning new things now that I don’t have deadlines or guidance on it. I don’t really do much when I’m not working. And I find myself being more and more envious of friends who are having new experiences, getting prestigious jobs, and doing things I’m still afraid to do.

I hate living at home with my family and I fell into a really serious depression when I had to move home from campus at the start of the pandemic. Even though I’m an adult there are rules I have to follow. I can’t really go out or drink, and it’s pretty traditional for the whole family to live together so I feel like I’ll never be able to move out, even if I could afford it (which I’m not quite able to do yet). There’s no privacy and no peace. We can’t even get along yet no one can just move out. I feel so fucking suffocated sometimes.

I’m terrified of driving even though I have my license. I have serious social anxiety and only one friend. I find it hard to stick up for myself and am often seen as weak. I struggle to stay consistent in my search for a new job just because I’m terrified of rejection and of the interview process. I’ll start and stop but can just never stay committed. So I’m stuck.

I was in therapy but now that I graduated I no longer qualify for reduced price sessions. I also am not sure how much it really helped, but I guess I felt better when I had then vs not having them now.

Objectively, things aren’t that bad. I still have a job and savings and have somewhere to live and find joy in little things, like new music. And I’m so lucky to have a sister that is comfortable driving and takes me where I need to go. I also dream about a better life, and that makes me happy momentarily but that ends up making me sad when I begin to think how far away (or even impossible) that is for me. Seriously wishing I was a kid again.

I know you don’t know me and wouldn’t be able to fix/solve anything even if you did, but do you have any words of wisdom you can share for how to navigate tough times?

Oh anon - I'm sending you so much love. I'm sorry that you're . I'm particularly sorry about your Dad and your living situation - that is really hard.

What worries me about offering advice is it seems like your brain is using anything you could do to make your life better as something that you're failing at.

So my first bit of advice - is understand that the voice in your brain is not always telling you the truth.

For example, your brain seems to be telling you that you can only find a job if you commit to the process. That's not true. You don't have to stay committed to a job hunt to find a new job. A job hunt is much more like a lottery, than building up a particular muscle. Each application that you put in is a chance. The fact that you've put in 10 applications doesn't improve your chances on the 11th (guess how I know?). Every new job application is a new chance.

Unfortunately you can't know when the winning ticket will come up and rejection from jobs is horrific (or at least I've always found it so). Do what you can - don't set impossible standards.

Reading this - it seems to me that you're doing really well in difficult circumstances. Can you start by acknowledging that?

**********

One of the questions I have is - how much is a problem is it that you can't drive? It will really depend on where you live. In some places you can do what you fundamentally need - to do whether or not you can drive. In other places, driving is essential for independence and ability to do things. Even when it's perfectly possible to navigate the world without a car - driving can still feel like something you should be able to do. Can you unpack those feelings? Are there options to get where you want to go besides driving? In which case who cares if you can drive?

In terms of not feeling overwhelmed. I think it'd be good to consciously pick some aspects of your life that you're not working on. You can't find a new job, plan to move out, figure out how your driving anxiety and you driving can coexist and find a free therapist all at once. Start gentle. Aim to do one of those, sometimes, but make sure you don't do any of it at least one weekend a month.

It doesn't matter which one you pick - it really doesn't. It's the act of consciously not doing the others that matters.

**********

Another thing you could do is do things that are easy and do them badly. You say that you don't have the energy to learn new things. You seem to have a lot of gremlins in your brain that says you must be good at things for them to be worthwhile (not your fault).

I've done some drawing over the last few years - I'm definitely can't draw - I just do it sometimes and I feel my brain go 'I like this form of stimulation'. Or maybe buy a cheap craft kit aimed at children so you can make something (I've recently borrowed some lego off family members with children and made it and found that very satisfying). Don't push this - don't do things because you should - but think about doing something playful (google artists dates for other ideas)

*********

Finally, and this is my most concrete bit of advice - don't try to make friends - just try to do things with other people. Thinking about 'making friends' is to set yourself a task that you can't control. Make the thing you're trying to do as easy and achievable as possible.

For human contact when you're feeling isolated - the easiest thing is to go along to something that is already happening and happening regularly. This could be a class (anything that takes your fancy - as long as you won't try and be good at it), something that has some kind of purpose (plant trees or overthrow the government), or events like board game evenings. If you do something with other people regularly that will help your brain. You might make friends, or you might not, but adding things to your life (as an experiment - you don't have to stick at things you don't enjoy) is your best chance to find some joy.

*******

Some further advice that might help.

I recommend Captain Awkward - who has good advice about on what to do when it feels impossible to leave home and how to find people.

I also think Oliver Burkeman can be really good for burned out people who still want to make their life better.

Finally - it is really hard navigating this world. You are doing really well.

#I knew all the advice about how to find my people when I was in the UK #and only followed it intermittently #But when I did - the times when I went to things regularly with other people #that was good #Which is all to say - none of this is all or nothing #do what you can #and be kind to yourself

[tumblepenguin]

Why Weird: The Al Yankovic Story is the best music biopic film

So I watched it last night and I highly recommend it! But while watching the movie I kept thinking "This script is too good. Like this is too clever for it's own good." This thought couldn't escape me. I had to break down why this movie is, quite frankly, the perfect parody and love letter to the music biopic film. Quite possibly the best music biopic film.

In this essay, I will be using the songs that are explicitly referenced in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story as a way to showcase how they reflect or subvert the music biopic film tropes. How these songs are meant show the "real life backstory" of Weird Al Yankovic (and also, the universe this movie takes place in) is quite frankly buckwild. And we start at The Beginning and our first song.

My Bologna—The movie begins with the framing device—a voice over. Then, Weird Al is going to the hospital and being pronounced dead by Lin Manuel Miranda (the Hamilton writer/multi Grammy winner who was receiving the Hollywood Walk of Fame Star the same day as Weird Al and WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE WITH WEIRD AL AT THE TIME OF THE ANNOUCEMENT OF THEIR WINS. ANYWAY WE WILL GET BACK TO THIS PLOT POINT LATER).

More voiceover. We see the hero's journey start by showing how Weird Al was a musically gifted child, but his family discouraged him. His Mom is the traditional 50's wife while Dad is a Overworked Blue Collar Man who works at factory (BUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE MAKES, SIMILAR TO HOW IN A BIOPIC MOVIE, THE "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME DAD" DAD HAS "A TOUGH JOB THAT PUT BREAD ON THE TABLE, BUT MY DAMN SON DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT" FACTORY JOB). It is here we also establish the future Mentor+Agent character, but I'm getting ahead of myself. After receiving "The One True Calling"—(ie, the traveling salesman with the accordion, others gaining the appreciation for his talent at a high school polka party, the reveal to the "You Don't Understand Me" Dad how his son played the accordion in secret (complete with doing so "in the closet" because "My mom supports my artistic achievements, but still has to be a good housewife and follow her husband's rules, but to hell with the rules" idea), only for the "You Don't Understand Me" Dad to crush his spirits (ie throw him out of the house for his talent and we get the important line of "I will become Perhaps Not Technically the Best at But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player")—does our hero start the journey. He has a couple of tough gigs/ getting rejected while he's away from home. The future band mates are the new friends he makes away from home (guys that, as the movie points out, have shown NO MUSICAL TALENT OR INTEREST EARLIER IN THE FILM UNTIL THE BIG "GETS DISCOVERED BY A MENTOR+AGENT" MOMENT. GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF). After encouraging our hero to keep going, the future bandmates find themselves at the BIG MOMENT. The moment when our hero is tested for first time with the 1st song. The one that all audiences will know. A softball in terms of the types of references yet to come. In this case, Weird Al gets the inspiration for My Bologna after making his future bandmates a boloney sandwich.

I Love Rocky Road—The "Gets Discovered By a Mentor+Agent" moment of the music biopic. So after the real life recording of My Bologna in the bathroom (with some "dramatic license"), our hero sends his song to Captain Buffoon, a radio DJ (great name btw). The song is played on the radio and to our hero, things are looking up for him! Wrong! The record execs with TERRIBLE WIGS™ aren't buying it! They don't understand how this will get them cash money.

(Sidebar: one of the record executives is Weird Al himself in a Terrible Wig ™. And the other executive (Will Forte) is just laying into our hero. Just laying it on with saying "You're so dumb! You'll never amount to anything. Your breath kinda sticks too!" kinda jokes. And The Real Weird Al is like "hey man, that seems a little harsh." But Will Forte keeps going, making the childish insults worse. And The Real Weird Al has to say "that's kinda harsh, you don't need to go into him like that" about Fictional Weird Al. Anyway, great sequence folks.)

But our hero is not discouraged. Cause his tape to Captain Buffoon did get him a gig at a TOUGH BIKER BAR™/the "Tough crowd to win over" moment (with one bar patron being Patton Oswald, who was originally Dr Demento in the Funny or Die sketch that kicked this whole idea off. The bar owner is Dot-Marie Jones, which made me personally happy). And so he goes up alone, starts singing. But it doesn't seem to be working! The bikers/crowd aren't buying it either! See, they know what it means to be real! But low! Our hero, being discouraged, suddenly shows that "he can do it guys"! Not only that, but his friends are joining him too! The band is forming! The crowd is loving it! What once was slurs and heckling being thrown at our hero is now rapturous applause! Our hero's trial is over. BUT, a dark entity was watching from the bar. In a funny looking getup in the shadows.

Another One Rides the Bus—The Dark Bargain begins. Our dark bargain mentor figure is Rainn Wilson, playing Dr Demento (there are 2. COUNT EM 2 JOKES ABOUT DEMENTORS IN THIS SCENE ALONE. WITH LONG PAUSES FOR AUDIENCES TO REALIZE HE REFERENCING HARRY POTTER WHILE HARRY POTTER (Daniel Radcliffe) IS ON SCREEN). The success of the song means our hero gets his first taste of FAME and HIS STAGE NAME. He goes to a party with the ultimate blunt rotation including:

• Devo

• Elton John

• PeeWee Herman

• Tiny Tim

• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

• Alice Cooper with a fake snake

• The comedian Gallagher played by Paul F Tompkins

• Kate Pierson from the B-52s

• Grace Jones

• Divine

• Salvador Dali

• Frank Zappa

• Conan O'Brien as Andy Warhol

(Sidebar: There is also a man with a guitar talking to "Elton" and another shot of a man with white blonde hair and suit that I didn't recognize. If someone could help me identify who these are supposed to be, that would be great!)

And our hero gets tested again by Jack Black as Wolfman Jack and John Deacon (bass player of Queen, which is funny because MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT INFO, SO WE'RE MAKING JOKES ABOUT HOW RECOGNIZABLE SOMEONE IS. THE IDEA COMES UP AGAIN LATER IN THE MOVIE). This group of people are like the bikers—they need to see if he's the Real Thing AGAIN. Which gives us another "in universe" biopic song. And the guests are impressed! And soon, our boy is getting interviewed by Oprah (with Quinta Brunson as Oprah, which is incredible). The interview starts showing that he is getting money, the house he always wanted, The Dream ™. He even shows his chain of platinum records that he wears at all times (IT SAVES HIM LATER, TRUST ME). All he needs now is THE GIRL. Enter Evan Rachel Wood as Madonna. She sees the interview with Oprah and "Sees What She Likes

(Sidebar: in the Oprah broadcast we find out Pablo Escobar—yes, the international drug cartel leader—is one of the biggest Weird Al fans. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER).

Cut to a hotel room. Our hero makes THE PHONE CALL BACK HOME™ to check in with the family. His mom picks up (IT'S ALWAYS THE MOM IN MOVIES. ALWAYS), and she says that she misses her little boy and Dad isn't home cause he's working the factory. The trope gets subverted because she says how disappointed she is with our hero, instead of the typical "Moms always support their kids and their kids' dreams" in most movies. This brings the hero DOWN. He finds his mentor (for some reason being in a bathtub connected to the bedroom where the The Phone Call From Home™ happens). And he gets drugged on LSD! So now we have a Dream Sequence. Which is amazing! At the end, he emerges Reborn! He has also created THE GREATEST THING EVER. His "Sgt. Pepper's" (including DRUG INFLUENCE ™) if you will.

Eat It—This time, "The record executives can do nothing but be in awe of the genius they just listened to". But our hero is tired of being a ONE TRICK PONY. He wants to make his own music. This song isn't a parody. And in the universe of the movie, Michael Jackson is the greatest Parody writer of all time. Because "Beat It" in this universe is a cover song (maybe so are all popular songs ever—hard to say). Now the little man and his accordion are the ones who dominate the charts. They shape music history forever. Not everyone he actually covers in real life.

(Sidebar: This is the most batshit thought I had while watching this movie. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.)

This song is The Biggest Song in the World. And our hero is getting even more FAME. But with that comes Another Dark Bargain. At this point in a music biopic, our hero will have/or has encountered his supposed downfall. In music biopics, it's usually the mentor+agent, corrupted by money/fame. Sometimes it's the girlfriend who's a HUGE SLUT/does a lot of drugs/encourages the use of drugs/just being a BAD INFLUENCE. In this case, the girlfriend is Madonna (someone that Conservatives think is all the things depicted in the movie already. Yes, probably even being the queen of a drug cartel after killing Pablo Escobar and then takes out Weird Al via assassination at the Not Grammy Grammys BUT I AM JUMPING AHEAD OF MYSELF IN THIS STORY). So she stops on by The Mansion™ and she and Weird Al are Opposites Attract ™. They start making out (but can't show sex scenes in a PG-13 film). And the making out is so fucking funny. But now, "The Girl is in his life, and he's starting to get distracted from his job!" plot line has entered the chat. And Dr Demento is not having it. Instead of focusing on some exciting opportunities (including playing for Pablo "Previously Stated as One of Weird Al's Biggest Fans" Escobar for his 40th birthday party. Also there's a joke about Led Zeppelin versus Howie Mandel and having Weird Al replace Roger Moore as James Bond. And he throws a fit about only doing original work. Which is hilarious since we live in a "Who's the next James Bond after Daniel Craig" era), our hero just wants to be with his BAD INFLUENCE.

While at dinner with Madonna, there is a phone call.

(Sidebar: Weird Al states "This has been the happiest six hours of my life". How I'm choosing to believe that from the time Madonna and Weird Al made out, do the Next Morning Scene™ to the time of this dinner—including the previously established "Getting Distracted" scene—all took place in six hours. Insane.)

It's from one of the record executives (played by The Real Weird Al). It's about Michael Jackson "parodying" Eat It. And our hero IS NOT HAVING IT ™. The first blow that will lead to DOWNFALL. The Phone is getting smashed. Our hero will now be linked to Michael Jackson forever because of this parody! He returns to the table and cannot eat (it. GET IT? Also the waiter is Josh Groban). Now Madonna is giving him alcohol. The Slow Decent to the Bottom has begun! Meanwhile, the band is pissed! We haven't seen them in several minutes, but the BAND IS FIGHTING is about to commence. They say Weird Al has lost touch. He threats to replace everyone with machines (even the GUY WE DON'T REMEMBER IS IN THE BAND, LIKE JASON DEACON, BASS PLAYER FOR QUEEN. See, it all comes back around). "You've changed man," is said. Dr Demento arrives to try and SALVAGE THE SITUATION ™. But "Anything you want to say, you can say in front of my BAD INFLUENCE." And the mentor figure thinks The Girl=Bad Influence. "She's only using you for her own gains" line is used. But our hero is blinded by the love/BAD INFLUENCE to see the truth. This is also where the hinting mention of Like a Surgeon happens (BUT WE'RE NOT THERE YET. THE PAYOFF HASN'T HAPPENED YET). "You're not my real dad!" (even though this entire time, Weird Al wasn't looking for a Father Figure™). The mentor+agent figure is now dismissed. Madonna runs after him, telling him not to Drive While Drunk. But hands over the car keys away cause she a BAD INFLUENCE. While Driving To Clear His Head ™, our hero flips through the radio. It's playing the top radio hits (HIS SONGS) and he turns off the radio is disgust. Suddenly we have a car crash.

Like a Surgeon—We are now back in the hospital. All of the previously stated information is the first HOUR AND FOUR MINUTES OF THIS MOVIE. TO SET UP THE REASON LIKE A SURGEON EXISTS AS A SONG. THIS IS THE GIVEN BACKSTORY FOR THIS SONG.

But now, it's The Second Biggest Thing of All Time. And we get choreography that's the Vogue choreography. And Madonna is doing it backstage. So she's inspired by Weird Al, not ballroom dance culture, to dance like that in Vogue. Fucking wild. Also the backup dancers are wearing cone bras (a thing Madonna made famous with Like a Virgin). We now get The Doors movie parody with the ROCK BOTTOM MOMENT. Which includes flashing the accordion to the audience (instead of a dick). And now, our boy is CANCELLED and has to LAY LOW, which mean going to a diner with his very famous girlfriend. Madonna says what their Hollywood couple/ship name should be. But they couldn't lay low, because Madonna got kidnaped by Pablo Escobar. That's right, you forgot about Pablo Escobar, didn't you? But I mentioned him previously. And now, he's now the main plotline. All for Weird Al not noticing him senpai.

And now our movie turns into an action movie. With an amazing diner fight+punchline at the end of the scene. Also a "Predator style jungle knockout to sneak onto the enemy's basecamp" scene. And Madonna is being held hostage during Pablo's 40th birthday party, including a mariachi band playing. But Weird Al shows up and a firefight ensues. He gains the upper hand (cause everyone is a terrible shot+Tarantino style blood squibs go off. It's awesome).

THEN PABLO ESCOBAR SHOOTS WEIRD AL DEAD.

BUT PSYCH! CAUSE CHAIN OF PLATINUM RECORDS SAVED HIS ASS. AN HOUR AND SEVENTEEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE WE BRING THE CHECKHOV'S RECORD BACK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And Weird Al kills Pablo Escobar by throwing a record into his head. And Madonna, being the #girlboss that she is, decides she wants to becoming the head of an international drug cartel, and wants Weird Al to help her. But he decides to go against her. Her BAD INFLUENCE no longer has a hold on his life. AND THE VOICE OVER RETURNS. Cause now "the hero has to return home before his big comeback after the Fall from Grace" needs to happen, because of course that's what you do in a music biopic. So he returns home and starts working at the factory pushing levers and buttons that we, the audience and he, Weird Al, doesn't have a clue what they do (other than maim fellow factory workers, BUT WHATEVER). The "You Don't Understand Me" Dad finds him in the Depths Of Despair. And our hero has his emotional outburst. But our Dad has turned a new leaf. In fact, he like parody songs! He even sings the oldest one we know ("Jingle Bells, Batman Smells"). Also the mom is wearing the EAT IT fat suit.

(Sidebar: I feel mixed on this fat suit, but I won't get into it right now.)

And with this shared parody ancestry, the Dad thinks it's finally time to tell Weird Al why he was against him playing the accordion in the first place.

Amish Paradise—Dad's Tragic Backstory/Footloose Reason Why Society Doesn't Allow Their Kids to Do INSERT BLANK ACTIVITY HERE. Everything that you have read up until this point, an HOUR AND TWENTY FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE, has been leading to this backstory for this song's inclusion in the movie. You're welcome. This Tragic Backstory is also animated, so thanks! Also because this is a rap/motivationally sounding song (I guess???), we see that our hero has Returned to Fight Another Day! This time with a new sound!

(Sidebar: does anyone else wonder if Coolio knew about this cameo before he died? Just asking cause Madonna apparently wasn't consulted about the role Evan Rachel Wood plays in this film according to interviews I watched after the fact).

This song is at the Not Grammy Grammys (he gets the "Perhaps Not Technically the Best at But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player" award over Prince. We'll need to move on from there). After being present the award by Diana Ross and Hulk Hogan, our guy wins and goes onstage to accept. Meanwhile, an assassin is seating in the front row. But wait, I thought Pablo Escobar is dead? Who is in charge of this assassin? Why, it's our girl Madonna. BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

The acceptance speech become a "Suck It Losers!" kinda speech. And here is where the A Star is Born reference with Weird Al pissing himself onstage happens. And Weird Al is assassinated. By a Madonna who is no longer in the audience, dressed in what I think is her American Life outfit.

(Sidebar: IS CYNDI LAUPUR NEXT TO DR DEMENTO IN THE AUDIENCE? CAUSE THAT'S NOT EVAN RACHEL WOOD AND WE NEEDED A FAKEOUT OF MADONNA SUPPOSEDLY SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE IN ORDER FOR HER DO THE ASSASSINATION. ANYWAY!)

And we get "What happened after the artist died/peaked" before credits rolls. Then credits with fake photos are mixed with real photos from childhood (I think those are real. If not, great touch). AND WE GET A MID CREDITS SCENE. Madonna brings flowers to Weird Al's grave (that says ATE IT 1985), but as she's leaving a zombie hand of Weird Al grabs her to drag her to hell like the end of Carrie/other horror movies. So Weird Al has been dead this entire time, and we have only been listening to a Zombie Weird Al since 1985!

Now You Know—the "Yep, this 100% happened guys. Totally!" song. Also has some great mentions about how long/repetitive the song is, who worked on the film, explicitly showing the parody songs instead of the originals used in the end credits, mentioning the "studio musician backing vocals" (who sound amazing by the way), and how the song can technically be nominated for an Oscar.

And this is why this movie is the great parody of all time.

#weird al yankovic #weird #weird al biopic #music #what a weird world #movies #cinema

[judgementdaysunshine]

I am alive because of you

Pairing: Drew Baylor x reader

Description: After meeting Drew you change his life for the better

Warnings: Possible spoilers for Elizabethtown (2005) film, mentions of suicide, anxiety, and depression, emotions, and feelings

You and Drew met through your friend Claire Colburn at a cookout introducing you to each other and instantly feeling a bond with him. The two of you became friends and the connection grew as time went on opening up to each other learning that you had more in common with each other than you ever thought. You found out that he came back to Elizabethtown after his dad passed, that he tried to commit suicide, and that he had severe depression while he found out that you came to town after moving away from your hometown of St. Louis, Missouri to start over and get away from your dysfunctional family, had chronic anxiety and depression that made you have a suicide attempt by nearly drowning in the bathtub, and not trusting anyone at all but you immediately trusted drew by telling him of things that happened to you throughout your life. You both were a ray of light to each other that both of you desperately needed and deserved after what both of you had been through before meeting and being the best thing to ever happen to each other with support from claire who grounded both of you before and after the two of you met and became each other's person slowly you started feeling different towards him as more time went by before going to claire and telling her everything after spending days trying to properly put into words how you felt for him. "I guess that's why pigs fly and you are in love" you look at her with the look of fear and realization as you grab and chug a cold soda "You're in love with drew my sweets!" she says happily squeezing your shoulders as you feel your whole world suddenly change overnight thinking of what to do about this newfound change later on that week you go to drew's place as part of your tradition together of just talking and spending time together without other people bothering you and plus you decided to tell him hoping that if he doesn't feel the same that you will still have him in your life as a friend cause without him you wouldn't know if you could survive life anymore. The two of you were listening to music when he gently grabbed your hand and you ended up dancing together and laughing for the next hour until the next thing you knew was that you were laying next to each other on the floor looking at him staring at the ceiling "I love you" he looks at you opening his mouth to tell you something but you stop him "I have tried not to let it just take over once I felt that warm and safe feeling but no matter how hard I tried it just happened and I understand if you don't feel the same just please don't leave me and not be my friend" he stops you pulling your head in his chest rubbing your back. He pulls you away leaning in bringing you closer to him until your lips were together changing how you both felt immensely from the nervous, calm, giddy, and warm feeling in your bodies that burst into neverending, unforgettable, bubbling, and burning feeling that had been held back that now was flowing over between the two of you neither of you knew who made the move to take things further but you ended up on your bed with drew on top of you gently kissing down your body whispering words of affirmations of how beautiful you were, how he didn't know what he did to deserve to have you in his life, and the words you never thought you would hear from him. "I love you I love you so much you don't know but I am alive because of you I am alive for you" you smile remembering what had happened the past hour as you fell asleep on drew's chest holding his hand next to you while his other hand was on your back and your arms wrapped around his waist falling asleep after placing a gentle kiss to his chest.

#orlando bloom x reader #drew baylor #elizabethtown x reader #orlando bloom #elizabethtown #drew baylor x reader

[manonamora-if-reviews]

Hand Me Down by Brett Witty

============= Links

Play the game (IFComp) See other reviews of the game

============= Synopsis

Ruby Walker takes a hesitant bus ride to the hospital where her father has spent the last nine months. But he has not called her there to discuss his condition. With James, her supportive partner by her side, Ruby is about to discover a deeply personal project decades in the making.

============= Other Info

Hand Me Down is a Twine(Harlowe)/TADS game, submitted to the 2023 Edition of the IFComp.

Status: Completed Genre: Slice-of-life

CW: Terminal illness, divorce, very mild rough language /- AI asset

============= Playthrough

Played: 9-Oct-2023 Playtime: around 1h Rating: - [IFComp vote] Thoughts: Will pinch your heart...

============= Review

Hand Me Down is a choice-based/parser mix game in three parts, with the middle one being the parser. You play as Ruby, who is visiting her father in the hospital (the Twine bits), during which she is prompted to play a project (the TADS bit) her father made. The parser bit includes an external walkthrough. While there are multiple ways to solve the parser, the story is linear, and with four ending.

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

I'm always interested in non-traditional IF, the projects that mix and match elements of different gameplays, and blur the lines of the parser/choice-based divide. I was especially intrigued with this entry how the parser bit was implemented into Twine, especially with code from another parser language (separate files, it turns out).

And the game introduces the inclusion of a parser bit inside the game, and why you play it, quite smartly. Out of all three acts, I felt like the opening of the game was the strongest, introducing the characters and their wants and fears, and the relations between them. It was very touching, and also heartbreaking, to see Ruby and her father interact with one another, as he wants to avoid any negative conversation with her and to focus on showing her his project, while she wants to know what's going on with his health.

The weakest, to me, was the last bit. While the storylet mechanic was pretty well done (really worked with pushing your father to talk things out), there were some issues with that part not taking into account the actions of the previous acts or within that bit itself. For example, when calling the mother for advice, it did not take into account that I lied to her in the opening; or when she calls, disrupting the conversation, she doesn't acknowledge you called her moments ago; or when discussing the game with your dad, you have options to pick invitations or outfits you might not have found in the game (that one felt a bit cheating). Since it's hard to implement different programs into one game, it made sense that the bits didn't "talk" to each other. But it also made it noticeable when things were not fully coherent. I wonder if creating codes for actions in the previous act, to input in the last one could have helped track some choices?

I think I missed quite a bit from the parser bit itself. That part of the game seemed to be quite large (you have essentially 5 solutions for each box to tick), with apparently Easter eggs hidden throughout (notes of the father - I found one). Each item to get come with its personal puzzle, over 15 of them, each of varying length. But if you don't try to find every invitations, or costumes, or gift, or if you used the walkthrough to go through the parser, it's fairly easy to miss the seemingly gargantuan work the father had done over the past 20 years. I shared Ruby's sentiment of "uh... that's it?" when I moved on to the last act, and felt bad for the father for having put so much work into something that seemed so small... I would have loved a map to be included in the walkthrough, some of the directions were confusing...

This was a neat experiment, with a touching story. A real tearjerker.

#Hand Me Down #Brett Witty #interactive fiction #complete #2023 #twine game #tads game #ifcomp #review

[pompadourpink]

Hi! I feel hopeless. I just dont get along with my family

So here's the thing. I wanted to study abroad. They cried and accused me of being selfish. So i studied for our national uni exam ( +8 hours a day for all the year) . I almost lost my mind. I lost my mental well being. I was at home all the year. Now i became successful. But my life is a hell still. I want to spend my summer holiday here in our home. They wanna go to country ( where there is nothing for me to do,no friends, not even a mall) they wanna do garden stuff. And my mum cries and tells me she wants to spend time with me. So i accept staying there for one fucking month even though i dont want to. They always accuse me things that make me hate myself. They pushed me through this academic way, i was found gifted. They made me take all these tests, they said i shouldnt study abroad or study hard. My dad is angry that i want to take a prep year in uni ( which everyone takes here) like wtf. We just dont get along. I dont understand them at all and to be honest im too mentally tired to cope with them. I almost lost my mind this year, i think i deserve a break seriously. What should i do? They always cry and blame me and then i do what they want. All my life. But im still bad. And still selfish.

Hello dear,

I first want to ask you this: if it was anyone else in the world, would you allow them to treat you this way? Would you allow a teacher, classmate, neighbour, to tell you what to do, torment you, and make you miserable? Just because someone shares DNA with you doesn't mean they get permission to treat you like garbage and get away with it. Parents owe unconditional love, not kids.

It's not about you. Bullies do what they do because they hurt and have not healed - what you are is a coping mechanism, a punching ball, an easy target. You could objectively be a parent's wet dream and it wouldn't fix the way they treat you, because they're not trying to make you better, they're trying to make themselves feel good. Remember that South Park episode where Kyle's dad, a miserable man turned online bully, inadvertently drives a woman to sui(ide and is flabbergasted that she did it because he never saw it as a possibility, never thought about her feelings. There's nothing in the world you can do to make things better because if it wasn't you, it would be someone else, and if you didn't want to leave, they'd find something else to bother you about. When someone wants a reason to be mad, they'll always manage to find one. It can get better only if they decide to go to therapy and start getting better - which they might never do. This is not your fault and you do not deserve any of it.

Regarding your studies, go and don't look back. You will feel guilty, sure, because you've been raised to have a sense of duty towards family and absolutely no spine, but you already do, so at least you'll feel guilty while finally doing what you want, what you won't have another opportunity to do, what will get you closer to your goals - and you will be by yourself, free of negative energy, able to start healing and realise how good and strong you are. "I shouldn't have done it" is a crappy feeling but "Shit, I should have done it" is even worse.

What should you do? One, find another support system. Sadly, you will not get a change of behaviour, apology, or the unconditional love you've been craving from them. Find other people you can trust. Stop sharing your plans, goals or thoughts with them: you're not going to make them feel bad and change, you're just handing them new ways to hurt you. Stop putting your hand in the lion's mouth and wondering why you're bleeding. Become a grey rock. Two, find yourself. Go through your beliefs, traditions, principles, and wonder what actually fits the person you are; look for would you rather questions online, watch a lot of movies, read a lot of books, travel, meet people, find out what's inside, underneath all of that pain. Three, rebrand. Treat yourself like your own young child. If your eight-year-old had forgotten to do the dishes, would you call them names and ground them? No, you would say that's okay baby, you didn't do anything wrong, let's put a little music on and do them now together.

Also, check out the malks tag and look for relationship advice - someone who has been abused as a kid will get a very unhealthy, transactional idea of love and is likely to get into abusive relationships (with a romantic partner or a friend), and you have enough to heal from already. Protect yourself.

I would obviously encourage you to get a therapist. If you can't, feel free to reach out, there are a few books and websites I can send you.

Much love,

Mum

#ask #malks

[edwardslostalchemy]

Ohmg I don't want to sound materialistic, but I want to get something off my chest because I don't find it to be fair.

So like when it comes to presents, my family is all about giving them with lots of love and purpose and intention. We gift each other clothing, money, perfumes, creams, soaps. One of the most common is clothes, so that's pretty standard and easy for all of us. We just ask for each other's sizes so we get something that fits. My brother and I grew up with this kind of tradition and custom, so we are not new to this at all. If you cannot give everyone a gift, make sure to at least give your parents and sibling something. This is mostly for Christmas. My brother married a girl who is not used to this custom at all. This is new to her and she is uncomfortable with this tradition. She had told my parents she didn't do this with her family when she and my brother were dating, so we tried not to overwhelm her. We want to make people feel special and loved and we shower people with presents and gestures like cake and hot chocolate. So we learned she wasn't used to this and we didn't do it again so as to not make her uncomfortable. But just as we knew that she wasn't used to this, she knew we were used this. So there had to be some kind of compromise. However, that didn't happen and she ended up blowing up on my mom a few months ago (the reason wasn't even super extreme either, but she made a really big deal about it and yelled at my mom, to which my brother did nothing and sided with her while ignoring my mom's feelings). It was a really tense time and she ended up apologizing to my mom, but mom is still hurt. My brother has become a huge cheapskate. I wanted to say he and his wife are frugal, which is okay. But after seeing their gifts for past parties, they have been either inappropriate or generally just lacking effort. We didn't expect much for Christmas because we have an idea of how cheap they are. But I think my brother should have put SOME effort into my mom's gift. She's his MOM. You know... she's like the important person here in the family. Dad and I are like beside the point; we really don't care what we get. But my mom is disappointed in what he got her for Christmas. We all got a mug. And I mean, mugs are nice. I've given people mugs. I filled them with chocolates, added other gifts to make it look nicer, decorated them. They were for professors, friends, roommates. A mug can be a simple yet decent gift for everyone EXCEPT your mom on Christmas. I've given mom a mug for her on mother's day with money, so it had something in it. But my brother just gave her a mug and that's it. After my mom puts in a lot of effort to get him something nice. So yeah fine it's a nice mug, but. At least make it look presentable and nice. Add $20 bucks into it at least. He uses the excuse of not helping us because he has a family, and I mean fair. But like, I don't think he understands his mom is like. The one person that loves him the most in this world. She's never done anything to hurt him. She was never abusive. She always spoilt him ROTTEN. He's done some awful, nasty stuff to me and she still let him live in the house!!!! She was always supportive of him. She fought tooth and nail to defend him from people. She prayed and cried her eyes out so he could stay in school. My mom has done the most for him and he doesn't appreciate him. At all. It's confusing and we didn't do anything to hurt him. I know because I asked him personally and he answered me by telling me we didn't hurt him in any way. He just doesn't like that we always need help. (As if he's never needed help in his life ever...i have receipts...i know I helped him when he needed it so idk where this attitude even came from. Mom and dad have literal receipts saved when they helped him.) He's ungrateful, he forgot where he came from, and it's like we don't really matter much anymore, especially mom. And i know I've complained about stuff mom does, but heck if i don't appreciate what she has done for me throughout my life. Dad, too. We're just tired of him.

#fran talks #a mug for mom #really? #try harder @ my brother #long rant #guess who its about lol #my brother #like its new #i need a drink but i cant have alcohol so I'll get some water

[larkawolfgirl]

Honestly (DBZ)

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M

Fandom: Dragon Ball

Relationships: Piccolo/Son Gohan, Videl Satan/Son Gohan, Chi-Chi & Son Gohan, Piccolo & Son Gohan

Characters: Son Gohan, Chi-Chi (Dragon Ball), Piccolo (Dragon Ball), Videl Satan, Son Pan

Additional Tags: Family Drama, Family, Confrontations, Arguing, Emotional Baggage, Bad Parenting, Making Up, Queerplatonic Relationships

Summary: Chichi learns about Gohan's relationship with Piccolo before he has the chance to explain it which leads to a bigger argument years in the making.

Read on ao3

Gohan gazed lovingly into Videl's eyes as they lay in bed, his fingers gently caressing her cheek. "I can't even begin to describe how happy I am, Videl. You, Pan, Piccolo, our home, my career…I don’t know how I got to be this lucky.”

Videl smiled, leaning into his touch. “You’re a good man, Gohan. That’s enough to earn it.”

He shook his head. “I could name a hundred good men without as wonderful a wife as you are.”

“Oh, stop! You’re making me blush!”

He leaned in, kissing over her tinted cheeks. “No, really. I can’t thank you enough for pushing me to be honest about my feelings for Piccolo. It’s like I’ve stepped out of a shadow I didn’t know was there, finally seeing the sun for what it is.”

"I'm glad it was the right decision. Seeing you and Piccolo together...the way you look at each other, you understand each other in a way I don’t think I could understand. It’s clear this relationship is important to you.”

“It is,” Gohan agreed, his thoughts drifting to the countless moments when Piccolo’s steadfast presence had offered him solace and guidance. Their bond that had evolved into something profoundly impactful on his life and, by extension, on his family’s. 

Videl shifted closer. “And I know it's been wonderful for Pan too, having another caring parental figure in her life."

"It really has. Piccolo is so gentle and patient with her. He's helped me learn new parenting styles."

Videl nodded thoughtfully. "You should tell your family. I know you've been hesitant, but they deserve to know, especially when it’s something that makes us this happy. And I think they'll understand, especially your father."

He sighed, feeling the warmth of her suggestion mingled with the trepidation that came with it. His father would certainly be confused, but it was his mother he was worried about. Her strict rules and traditional values would surely clash with the unconventional nature of his relationship with Piccolo. “You know how my mom is. She’ll see him as a threat to our family.”

“Maybe, but we’ll make her come around. She loves you, Gohan. She wants you to be happy. You just need to make her see that this is your happiness.”

"You're right, as always." He pulled her tight against him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Videl. Your unconditional love and support means everything to me. I promise, I'll tell them soon."

Videl kissed him tenderly. "I'm proud of you. And I know they will be too."

Gohan smiled as he watched Piccolo gently play with Pan in the living room. She giggled and grabbed at his antennae, her tiny hands exploring the ridges and curves. A soft chuckle rumbled from the Namekian's chest, a sound that had become surprisingly tender and familiar within their home.

"You're getting so big, little one," Piccolo murmured. "Soon you'll be strong enough to start training with your dad and me."

Pan babbled happily in response. Gohan felt his heart swell with love and pride. Having Piccolo in his daughter's life meant the world to him.

As Pan became distracted by her toys, Piccolo turned to Gohan, his expression growing serious. "Gohan, we need to talk about our relationship and how it will impact Pan's upbringing."

Gohan nodded, giving Piccolo his full attention. "Of course, what's on your mind?"

"I know your family doesn't know about us. And while I'll support whatever you decide, I do have concerns about Pan growing up with secrecy and shame around our bond." Piccolo's eyes bored intensely into Gohan's.

The half-Saiyan lowered his head. “I know. I already promised Videl I’d tell them. I’m just worried about how my mom’s going to react. You know she doesn’t like you very much.”

"Then, you will make Chichi see reason. Pan deserves to understand this relationship as benign and natural. I won't have her believing her father is doing something wrong." Piccolo's voice grew firm with conviction. "You need to find your courage and conviction, Gohan. Decide what we are to each other, and let no one make you feel ashamed."

“Even if it means confronting misunderstandings and prejudice?”

“Especially then,” Piccolo affirmed, his expression resolute. “You’re a father, Gohan. Your choices shape the world Pan grows up in. She needs to see strength in conviction and the love in our kinship–not fear or doubt.”

Gohan was taken aback by Piccolo's intensity. But he knew Piccolo was right - he had to stop hiding. For Pan's sake, and his own. It was time to stand tall and declare his truth.

“I’ll stop hiding. For Pan, for Videl, for us. It’s time I show the world the family we’ve built together.”

Piccolo gave a rare smile. “That’s the man I trained you to be.”

The laughter and chatter within the warmly lit living room abruptly ceased as the front door swung open with a resounding thud that echoed through the house. Chichi stood framed in the doorway, her figure rigid and imposing as her eyes landed on the scene before her.

Gohan, Piccolo, and little Pan were nestled together on the couch. Gohan's arm was draped over Piccolo's broad shoulders, while Pan giggled, tucked between them, her tiny hands squeezing over the pink patches of skin on the Namekian’s arms.

"Mom!" Gohan's voice wavered between surprise and concern as he stood up. This isn’t how he’d wanted this to happen. Not with them suggesting the implications he knew she would make, and certainly not with Pan there to witness the argument.

“Chichi,” Piccolo acknowledged, sounding surprisingly calm. 

"What is going on here?" Chichi demanded, her voice shrill.

Unsure how to begin to diffuse the situation, all Gohan said was, “I didn’t know you were coming.”

It was the wrong thing to say, giving her more room to speculate. "Clearly not, or you wouldn't be carrying on like this in front of my granddaughter!" Chichi glared at Piccolo. “Is this what you do when your wife is away?”

Gohan tried to muster up his courage but his words sounded weak in comparison to his mother’s dramatics. “It isn’t like that.” 

"Unbelievable! I didn't raise you to be disloyal! After everything Videl has done for you, this is how you repay her?" Her voice was laced with accusation.

Turning her fury on Piccolo, she jabbed a finger his way. "And you! I should never have let you near my son! You've been a bad influence from the start!"

It was the straw that broke him. Anger he hadn’t even realized he carried erupted to the surface. How dare she treat him that way? It was one thing to belittle her husband or children, but Piccolo deserved nothing but respect.

Shaking, Gohan stepped between them. “Stop it! I won’t let you talk about him that way!”

Pan was used to hearing her grandmother raise her voice, but Gohan almost never yelled. The little girl started wailing.

Instantly, guilt set in, and Gohan attempted to soothe her. “Everything’s okay, sweetie.”

Her crying eased but didn’t stop completely. Piccolo cradled her against his chest. “I am taking her outside. She does not need to hear this.”

“Thank you,” Gohan said, touching his shoulder.

As soon as Piccolo was out of the door, his mother spoke again. “Are you sure you want to trust him with her?”

Gohan glared, his anger flaring again. “Oh course, I do.”

“He kidnapped you, what if he steals her away, too? I’ve heard him talking about training.”

There was no hesitation in his response. “He isn’t going to kidnap, Pan.”

“Why do you trust him so much?”

“Because he has always been there for me. He’s honest and loyal. The only reason he kidnapped me was because the world was in danger and you refused to let me train.”

“You were just a little boy.”

“Yes, I was.”

There was a moment of silence as they both mourned him having to grow up too fast. 

“I knew I should have protected you more…”

 “Yes, you should have. You should have protected my childhood and let me play like a normal kid. But you also should have let me train so that we had a chance of surviving.”

Chichi was shaking now and holding her mouth like she was about to cry. “I was scared. I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I know.” Gohan understood where she had been coming from more now than ever. He didn’t want anything to happen to Pan either. “But if we hadn’t done anything, everyone would have all died.”

“I just wanted you to have a normal life.”

“Normal?” Gohan’s hand clenched into a fist. “You call being stuck inside a single room studying all day normal? I wasn’t allowed to play with other kids. The only company I got was during training. You micromanaged every aspect of my life!”

“Because I wanted the best for you!” Chichi shot back, her fist balled at her sides too now. “I didn’t want you to waste your potential the way your father has…Always chasing battles and leaving his family behind!”

Gohan laughed bitterly. "Oh, so it's Dad's fault now? You're the one who never let me make my own choices!"

The dam had burst. Years of resentment poured out of him.

Pacing back and forth, his frustration boiled over. "All I ever wanted was to be a normal kid! To play and make friends. But instead I was forced to study all day, then throw myself into battle after battle. Did you ever ask what I wanted?"

Chichi opened her mouth to respond, but he barreled on.

"No! It was always about what you and Dad wanted. At least Dad had an excuse. It’s Saiyan nature to thirst for power and pass on their legacy, but you? All you wanted was to live the life you never had through me. But I'm not just an extension of you and Dad. I'm my own person!"

Chichi sank into a chair, looking stricken. "I'm so sorry, Gohan," she said softly. "I thought I was doing the right thing...giving you the life I always wished I had. But I see now that I was wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you."

Gohan's anger melted away. He sat down across from his mother, his eyes full of sadness rather than bitterness. "I know, Mom.” 

Gohan took a deep breath as Chichi wiped tears from her eyes. He knew this conversation was difficult, but it was time she understood the truth.

"I know you and Dad love me," he continued gently. "But I can't pretend anymore. Piccolo has been more of a father to me than Dad ever was. He actually cared about my interests and what I wanted. He didn't just see me as a means to defeat the next enemy."

Chichi bristled slightly at the criticism of Goku, but she held her tongue. 

"Dad was hardly around," he went on. "He was either dead or off training. But Piccolo was there. He taught me how to fight, yes, but also how to think and make my own choices. If it wasn't for him...I wouldn’t be who I am today."

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Chichi’s face contorted with a mixture of hurt and desperation. “I don’t want you to regret the choices you make because of his influence.”

“The only thing I regret is not standing up for myself sooner. I am an adult. You can’t control my decisions anymore, and I choose to have Piccolo in my life–in our lives.”

There was a moment of silence as Chichi sucked in a breath and released it, presumably trying to remain calm. “I don’t care if you want him in your life or not. It is unfair to treat your wife like this.”

“Videl knows. How I feel and what we do.”

She was taken aback by that information. “You are fucking him.” The verb sounded foreign and ugly in her mouth.

“No, I’m not,” he answered, eyes and voice both laced with ice.

“You expect me to believe that when you were just canoodling on the couch?”

“It doesn’t even matter. This isn’t about you, Mom. This is about my family.”

“I am your family.”

“Yes, you are. But you don’t get to dictate this. We are happy.”

“Videl certainly–”

He cut her off, words resolute. “Videl is more than supportive. And Pan adores Piccolo.” 

“She is supportive?” Chichi slumped in her seat. It was as if she was a balloon of hot air and the air had all ran out. 

Gohan reached out to touch her hand, his voice softening. “Are you okay?”

“I just…I suppose I never thought your relationship could be that secure. She must really love you.”

“Dad has his faults, but he loves you, too.”

“I know. It’s just easy to forget sometimes.”

Gohan waited, allowing her time to process the complexities of her own marriage before continuing. “I know you’ve always wanted what’s best for me. But I need you to understand that this is what’s best for me–no, for our family. This is the life I want. With Videl, and Piccolo, and Pan. You have to accept that."

Chichi stood up and went to him, embracing her son tightly. "You're right, Gohan. I'm so sorry I never realized how much Piccolo means to you. All I could see was my baby being taken away from me. But you aren’t a baby anymore, and instead of taking you away, he’s shaping you into a wonderful man. It won’t be easy, but…your happiness is the most important thing."

Gohan returned the embrace, feeling the weight of years lift from his heart. It had taken so long, but finally his mother understood.

They broke apart when the front door opened, revealing Piccolo cradling a sleeping Pan. “I assume you two have sorted things out?”

Chichi nodded slowly, a fragile smile tugging at her lips as she looked at the way the Namekian cradled her granddaughter. “Yes,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

She met Piccolo’s gaze. “Piccolo,” she began, voice unsteady with emotion. “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. You’ve been a part of this family and I…”

He gave a solemn nod. “Apology accepted.”

Chichi let out a breath, relief flooding her features. She stepped forward and, to Piccolo's great surprise, enveloped him in a tentative hug. After a stunned moment, he gently returned it.

Gohan beamed as he watched the exchange. The rift between two of the most important people in his life was finally healing.

Just then, the front door opened again and Videl walked in, stopping short at the scene before her. "Oh wow, this is a surprise!" she exclaimed, taking in Piccolo and Chichi's embrace and her husband’s obvious happiness.

Chichi pulled back from Piccolo and turned to her daughter-in-law with a smile. "We're celebrating the new addition to our family," she said warmly, glancing at Piccolo.

Videl's eyes lit up with understanding. She crossed the room to slip an arm around Gohan's waist.

"Well in that case," she said, "I think this calls for a feast!”

As Videl moved to the kitchen, Gohan went over to his mother again. “Can you let me be the one to tell Dad and Goten?”

Chichi giggled. “Of course! I can’t say I understand it myself, let alone well enough to explain to your father of all people.”

Gohan couldn’t help laughing as well. If anyone was going to need a simple but clear explanation, it would be his father. “Maybe I will make him some slides like I do for my students.”

She grinned. “Be careful, that might scare him away.”

He put an arm around her shoulder and started leading her toward the dining room. “That’s a good point. Since you’re staying, how about I tell you more about our relationship.”

Chichi smiled. “I’m willing to listen.”

#dbz #dragon ball z #dragon ball #piccolo x gohan #gohan x videl #my writing

[elderemorune]

My Dad

I've been deep in my feelings since the week before Christmas. A lot of it's been because of my dad. He came to visit us here in Seattle because we didn't feel safe making the trip to where the rest of our blood family lives, bringing with him a wagonload of gifts and trauma. There was a lot about that visit that I wish had gone differently.

I wish my dad wasn't so stuck in his ideas. He's spent his entire life generally being right about things, and when I was a kid, there was simply no proving him wrong, even if your logic was flawless. He's grown a lot since then, and now is much more willing to accept being incorrect on occasion.

And that actually brings me to what I wanted to talk about in this post.

I love my dad. I'm tired of saying things like "I wouldn't wish him on anyone". He's not a bad person, he just hasn't always been the best.

Who hasn't been there though? He has his own traumas, his own spoonfed ideals that are impossible to fight without a ton of support. I've said before, he's the bastard child of US royalty (still won't say whose), and that's so much generational trauma, you can hardly expect a couple of years of therapy and some meds to magically change the heuristics in his brain.

And with it came money, yes. My dad's always been weird about money. One of my most vivd memories from childhood was a Christmas where, as a young child with ADHD, I peeked at the presents. It's a time honored tradition, according to the cartoons, and I was just so curious I couldn't contain myself. I remember him throwing his wallet at me and telling me I could get my own gifts next year.

As a (mostly) grown up, I get it NOW. I understand that he was disappointed that he didn't get to see me be surprised, that I'd ruined his enjoyment of the holiday. Back then, he didn't know how to communicate that, he just had the example set by those that came before him.

It's taken a lot of time, but I've forgiven him for this. After all, I've done the same. Maybe not exactly, but when I couldn't figure out how to talk to people, all I could do was get angry. Before I got into therapy, I spent a lot of time being mad and hurting people. Because that's what hurt people do, right?

What brought this up is that show I've talked about, Dad of Light. In this scene, Indy and Maidy are fighting a boss, and Maidy wants to give up. Indy tries to convince him to keep playing by reminding him that in Real Life, there are no game overs as long as you don't give up. That sure, you can quit now, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you're just unsure of yourself, give it one more try.

I know my dad's said something similar to me. Otherwise this wouldn't resonate in my mind the way it did. And it got me thinking about why I wanted to come back to working for him.

I think the real answer is that in a lot of ways, I admire my dad.

His visit left me in my feelings because that admiration sometimes really doesn't mesh with the actual man. I have a hard time understanding his perspective in a lot of things. I'm practically a communist, and he's the most conservative person I know personally.

But even now, in my vague age range I see him setting examples I can't help but follow. One of his friends needed a place to stay, so he and my mom moved him in. They've done this more than once.

I followed suit and now live with my best friend and my wife. For clarification, we all agreed to become roommates here in Seattle because we all wanted out, but still!

Any time someone they care about has needed help, he's offered. And so too do I.

I don't want to say that my dad could be good anymore. I don't want to say "Oh, he's got good parts, you just have to get used to his abrasive personality" (And I'm not really exaggerating, my dad's abrasive as hell. I think it's mostly his tone and his penchant for getting frustrated with spoken communication. I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum, but he's never been tested.)

My dad's intensely creative, and is genuinely one of the best DMs I've ever played D&D with. He's there with peripherals, accents, dice if you need them, and if you need help making your character, well shit he's been playing since AD&D, his knowledge is practically encyclopedic.

He can be really funny! He's got a dry sense of humor from having been raised in a very English household, and he grew up on Monty Python, things like that. It's him whose humor I take after, though I'm significantly more crass.

Don't even get me started on his love of sci-fi. My motherfucking dad is in Star Trek: The Motion Picture. A teenager, this future engineer was but a bright-faced extra looking to Kirk for guidance in the face of VGER. I'd post the pic for proof, but this is the internet, 1: I do what I want and 2: I don't know who's gonna get all fucking weird about it.

I mean, shit. Alien is my favorite movie of all time because it was one of the first ones he and I shared without my mom and sister. That and Event Horizon, which to this day he insists I was scared of, but like, come on. I was 14, I'd seen some shit online, trust me, I wasn't scared. Hell, it's literally just the plot of Doom!

The man loves his animals so deeply that he names his business after the ones he loves most. There was always at least one dog in the house growing up, and I only ever got bit once. It was my fault, I went to hug the poor old bastard and he was not having it since my sister had just sat on his damn tail. Still miss you Reilly.

When I was a child, I believed my dad to be this Paragon, you know? Someone to want to be. It seemed to me like he had everything figured out, and if I followed suit I'd be successful and have a home and a family like his. It took reaching adulthood to see that I don't actually want what he had.

I don't want the long hours, the pressure. I don't want my loved ones to walk on eggshells because I'm always stressed and angry. If I'm to be the one in charge, I want that to happen via mutual respect, not fear.

But just because that's how things were doesn't mean that's how things are anymore. I think that's important. He is making an effort to be a different man. A better one, who's more open. He still gets frustrated because he overestimates the average person's base knowledge of stuff he's been doing since he was 20. His tone still gets condescending when he's trying to teach, to the point that a casual observer might consider it abusive.

I don't mean to say "that's just how he is", because it's not. The tone may be condescending, but it isn't the intent, it's how he was taught. When I was a kid, I couldn't have told him that, but now I'm here, and I can.

I did, too. He apologized, clarified, and promised to try to be better. And really, that's all we can ask of anyone, isn't it?

There can be this paragon in my head, and he can still be a flawed man. Both of these concepts can exist at the same time. I can expect him to improve, and he can still make mistakes on that path.

Anyway, that's enough prattling on from me. Thanks for letting me vent.

#daddy issues #blog #emotions #memories #journal

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

#letbartoutofthecloset #long post #my totally random thoughts #bartwatch #eduardo dorado jr #bart allen #young justice #yj #yj outsiders #young justice outsiders #yj season 3 #dc #bartuardo #zetaflash #el dorado #elder wisdom #yj3 #illusion of control #lgbt representation #lgbtq+ #young justice invasion #yj season 2 #relationships #my random ideas #analysis #speculation #identity #sexuality #self acceptance #growth

[retrocontinuity]

Eat, for this is Her Body: Chainsaw Man and the Doxology of Cannibalism

"One day," Anthony Oliveira writes in "The Year in Apocalypses," [Jesus'] disciples approached their master while he was silent in prayer and made a request: 'Lord, teach us how to pray.'" From here, Jesus teaches them the Lord's Prayer, what the Catholic Church once called "the summary of the whole gospel":

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Denji is no one's disciple. When we first meet him, he is closer to how Oliveira describes Jesus himself, "homeless, gleaning for food in the field like a sparrow and relying on the kindness of strangers to put him up, . . . a man cheerfully resigned to powerlessness." And so, Denji doesn't need to be taught how to pray. He has always known. Every bone in his body at the opening of Chainsaw Man sings out the Lord's Prayer: "forgive me my debts", "deliver me from evil." And, of course, Denji is intimately familiar with the prayer's most pitiable, most powerful line. It's this line that he cries out to Makima when he rests, Pieta-like, in her arms at the end of the first chapter. It can only be this line, one that Denji might have written himself:

Give me, from this day forward, and for all the rest of my days, daily bread.

Bread runs throughout CSM like a mocking scent that you only fully identify in the last two chapters. It should have been a sign to all of us when the first meal Makima buys for Denji is not bread (but rather a hot dog and udon noodles). It isn't until Denji meets and enters Aki's home that he is seen making a hideously overladen slice of toast for himself, luxuriating in having all the toppings he was denied. The morning after she forces Denji to open the door to Power's death, Makima makes the very breakfast she once promised to serve Denji: eggs, coffee, salad, and sliced bread. But this is a meal that Denji never eats—maybe the only meal in the entire series that he, a survivor of the meanest starvation and poverty, ignores. There is only one other time we see this meal in CSM, and it is subtle, almost off camera, though no less meaningful: in Chapter 53, after Reze's death, as Denji sits down to breakfast once more with Power and Aki.

To revisit CSM's public safety arc is to see all the ways the plot connects itself to food and the act of eating, both appetizing and revolting, both profound and profane. Denji, eating gyoza at a bar for the first time. Denji being forced to swallow barf as he is kissed for the first time. The Fox Devil, who eats indiscriminately and on command, who refuses to return to Aki after being fed something disgusting. A fox that is hunted and transformed into stew. Denji eating sandwiches at Reze's cafe. Aki and Angel eating noodles. A woman sitting down to eat a hamburger for the first time, before she commits mass murder. She is worried she has lost her taste buds, yet she exclaims, "So delicious!" We know, later, that this woman is a liar, that no part of her is what she presents herself to be. Should we take this moment at its face value then? Was Santa Claus simply lucky enough to have preserved her sense of taste? Or was it her one last act of humanity, to recognize that it is not enough just to eat, that man does not live on bread alone, that there must be at least food that is also delicious, that inspires people to get up and dance—even if it means she has to lie about what she can experience?

Food is necessary for survival, and CSM is a story about survival. But CSM is also a story about glimpsing the after. After you know you can keep living, what next? After you are no longer starving, after you have been forced to kill a friend, after you have touched your first boob, after you have been betrayed, what next? After you are tired of eating toast with jam for breakfast, what do you eat next?

The version of the Lord's Prayer we tend to recite asks for "our daily bread." But this, most modern scholars believe, is a mistranslation. The Greek adjective as it appears in the Gospel of Matthew and Luke is "epiousios," which doesn't mean "daily" at all, but rather something too complicated etymologically for me to even begin to parse. The point is that what we ask for in the Lord's Prayer is not just bread for today, but bread for tomorrow. Both the physical bread and the spiritual bread. Bread on this kingdom of earth, and bread that is the kingdom of heaven. Bread to feed our bodies, and bread to feed our souls. The realm of the divine is full of these moments, isn't it? Of two things existing at once, in one.

Denji starts the series asking for daily bread, and ends the public safety arc with Nayuta, Makima's reincarnation, asking him for daily bread. Trash heap Denji, living with his not!dog Pochita, really was just asking for daily bread. A slice to eat for breakfast, maybe even with butter and jam. But he too learns that bread, physical bread, is not enough. Merely to subsist, to eat good food, is an empty life. And what he must give Nayuta is not just bread, as was given to him. Otherwise, he will be trapped in a cycle of creating more Makimas. Instead, he must give her a relationship, a family, a world that Makima was unable to create. He must give her, in Pochita's words, lots of hugs. He must give her, in the words of the Lord's Prayer, epiousios.

To be clear, I am not arguing that CSM is meant to be read through a Catholic lens, and I doubt Fujimoto had all of this in mind when he wrote it (though he must have thought something, given that he drew a very large print of Gustave Dore's "Satan descends upon Earth" in Makima's entranceway!). But there is something primal (primordial?) about the Lord's Prayer. If every reader can understand the horror that the Darkness Devil represents, so too we can understand the intimacy and comfort of the Lord's Prayer. It is, as Oliveira writes, "a simple peasant's mantra for detoxing anxiety." Jesus opens by addressing God as father—not king, not an all-mighty spiritual being, but rather "abba, which is rather closer to 'dad,' and not in the intercultural Greek of his adulthood, but the Aramaic of home and childhood." The Lord's Prayer asks for what we always want, the only thing any of us have ever wanted since leaving the womb as infants: for no bad things to happen, for there to be enough to eat.

Even if what we have to eat is another person.

At the center of the Christian liturgy is the Last Supper, and at the center of the Last Supper is a meal that functions as ritual, abomination, accusation, transubstantiation, paranoia, and an early example of cracking open a cold one with the bros. Here, Jesus shares bread and wine with his disciples and then, as if trying to invent r/creepypasta years before its time, informs them they are actually eating his flesh and blood. This image is so powerful and heretical that the Romans accused early Christians of being cannibals. And why shouldn't they? It's there in the text. "Take, eat. This is my body. This is my blood." Stripped of the grandeur of tradition and ritual, this is downright vampiric. And yet it goes on to become the cornerstone of the Christian faith.

Oliveira begs us to see the Last Supper as a family meal, one shared by Jesus and his found family. "All he is really saying is, 'I hope when you eat together, you remember me.'" It's a good reading, one that moves me to tears, and is the framework through which I see the events of chapter 80. Because Makima is not the first time that Denji "consumes" a friend, and I don't just mean him sucking Power's blood or taking Pochita into himself. When Aki died, he left half his fortune to Denji, who uses it to support himself and Power. They "pigged out on good food," he tells us. This is Aki's symbolic body, through which he provides Denji his daily bread. Eat ice cream and onigiri in remembrance of me.

But it is not how I see the events of chapter 96. Denji does not eat Makima in the context of a feast. He does not partake of her in a communal meal, as Jesus did, among his found family. He eats every bite of Makima alone. Jesus said before his death, "this is my blood, which is shed for many." Yet Denji says to Makima, I alone will absolve you alone of your sins. I alone will bear you alone.

Denji's Last Supper is a lonely remembrance. He is hoping that no one but him will remember her. He is hoping to wholly consume her, because he loves her. "We love as cannibals," French philosopher and activist Simone Weil wrote. "Beloved beings . . . provide us with comfort, energy, a simulant. They have the same effect on us as a good meal. . . . We love them, then, as food." In fact, Weil believed we cannot love any other way. As humans, we are forever doomed to want to eat the ones we love. In order to escape, we must both be devoured by God and then become food for our fellow human beings. As Alec Irwin writes of Weil's philosophy, "the devouring violence of God must be positively harnessed in order to dismantle the machinery of human cruelty."

If Weil is right and being devoured is transformation, a crucial part of salvation, then in eating Makima, Denji redeems her. He turns her into food to break the cycle of her cruelty. For Makima's power itself is consuming, cannibalistic. She "eats" humans in order to use her power, which remains mysterious like God moving across the face of the earth, leaving only broken corpses as a sign of its presence. So it must be Denji, not Chainsaw Man, who does the consuming. If Pochita had consumed her, as she had always prayed for, then it would simply be another act of violence being enacted. Instead, Denji gives her salvation by turning her into human food—his food.

To Denji, Aki was human, his family, his brother, his friend.  It is Makima he loves as a God and a woman. To him, she is Satan and God, his betrayer and his creator, his salvation and his friends' damnation. So he must take her, consume her, digest her, excrete her, reduce her to nothing, as she once consumed and excreted and reduced him. "I ate her to become one with her." He ate her to become her. There is no truer form of his love than for Denji to take Makima into himself. I use those words purposefully, because this is the rejection of classic cishet PIV penetration, that old hoary chestnut of men inside women. As Don Delillo famously outlines in White Noise, we talk about sex as if women are containers, rooms, elevator lobbies: "He entered me," "I want him inside me," "I took him into myself." Denji and Makima never have physical sex, but this is a consummation, a reversal of roles. We are given the only sex that Shounen Jump will allow us, with Denji taking Makima into himself. She enters him. She is inside him. He is—physically, emotionally, willingly—penetrated by her flesh. She is released inside of him, becoming part of him.

Because the divine is full of moments like this, isn't it? Of two things existing at once, in one. That is the kingdom and the power and the glory. For Makima now lives in that country inhabited by God, where loving and eating are one and the same. For that country is none other than Denji's body.

In conclusion:

Substitute Makima for "God", and the preceding statements are still rigorously accurate.

Further Reading:

Anthony Oliveira's ongoing podcast reading the Gospel of Mark (Patreon exclusive, but I highly recommend, even/especially if you are a heathen like me)

Hannibal (NBC)

Daniel Birnbaum and Anders Olsson, An Interview with Jacques Derrida on the Limits of Digestion

David Farrell Krell, "All You Can't Eat: Derrida's Course, "Rhetorique du Cannibalisme (1990-1991)." Research in Phenomenology, vol. 36, 2006, pp. 130–180. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24660636. 

Alec Irwin, “Devoured by God: Cannibalism, Mysticism, and Ethics in Simone Weil.” CrossCurrents, vol. 51, no. 2, 2001, pp. 257–272. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24460795.

#chainsaw man #cannibalism as love #love as cannibalism