So. About a year ago, the lovely Innytoes created a list of spicy writing prompts. And I, being the dorky ace that I am, decided to take it as a personal challenge to see just how UN-spicy I could do some of said prompts. The actual giving of prompts was kept to a few friends, and it was mostly a silly thing back when I could actually sit down and spin up a one shot in an evening. (A few of said prompts actually made it to ao3 at various points, you can read them here, here, here, and here!)
HOWEVER, I took a couple of the prompts off of the list before I offered it to my friends for prompts. Mostly cause I just had no idea how to make said prompts not sexual. But one of them has continued to haunt me for over a frigging year now! SO, here's some little snippets of how one could de-saucy-ify the prompt, "The lube is what flavor?"
Option 1 -
"Okay so what am I supposed to be getting again?" Alex asked, the phone to his ear as he entered the O'Reillys.
He heard Bobby groan on the other end of the call. "We've been over this at least five times, Lex." Alex could feel his exasperated glare without even seeing him.
"I'm sorry," Alex sighed. "I just know literally nothing about car fluids. Blame the gay in me or whatever."
"You do realize I'm gay too, right?" Bobby pointed out. "But again, you're looking for silicon lubricant. And for the love of God, don't get that Red and Tacky garbage Chad 'recommended'."
"I'm sorry, the lube is what flavor?!" Alex demanded, turning onto the aisle marked 'Fluids'.
"You're not supposed to-whatever-just get the silicon stuff," Bobby said instead of answering. "Valvoline usually works just fine."
Alex glanced around at the overwhelming shelves of bottles and jugs. He drummed out the beat to a song Luke and Julie had shown them the day before on his leg as he narrowed down the options. There, that looked right.
"Okay I found it," he told Bobby. "But you're explaining how car lube can be 'red and tacky' to me later."
"Deal," Bobby responded, sounding relieved.
Option 2 -
"-and the vocal folds need to be kept moist," Julie explained.
Luke nodded, but Julie knew she was losing him. His vocal health notes had dissolved into scribbles and half-finished lyrics. She'd better wrap this up.
"So they're naturally lubricated with a really thin layer of mucus," she continued. "And in order to keep that layer thin and stuff, you have to stay properly hydrated."
She paused to pick up the light blue plastic water bottle from the studio floor. But when she looked back up to whack him with it, the mostly full container seeming like a decent way to make a point, he was already staring at her, eyes full of confusion.
"What?" Julie asked, one hand flying automatically up to her ponytail to see if it had come loose or something.
"The lube is what flavor?" Luke asked, mouth hanging open a bit.
"I-what?" Julie asked again, now feeling almost as confused as her bandmate looked.
"The voice cord lube stuff," Luke responded. "You said it's like mucus. But isn't that just... snot? Your voice is covered in stuff that tastes like snot?!"
Julie tried to hold back. She really did. But she failed. She burst out laughing, dropping Luke's water bottle in a futile attempt to hide it. "Luke, mucus is more than just snot," she tried to explain through her giggles. "But yes, that's what keeps your vocal cords moist."
Luke shook his head. To all the world, he may have looked like a man who'd just been told he was colorblind, that everyone else could see a universe of shades his eyes couldn't comprehend.
But only Julie would know the truth. At least some part of her mini-lecture on vocal health got through.
Option 3 -
"Okay, and then pass me the 205?" Flynn requested, holding out a hand to Reggie, who was sitting on the floor along with most of Flynn's tools.
"Um, the what?" Reggie asked sheepishly, glancing around at the various brushes, screwdrivers, and small tubes surrounding him.
"Oh, the switch lube," Flynn clarified, pointing at a small jar. "It's GPL 205G0, and there's lots of types of keyboard lubricant, so we usually just use the numbers to ID them."
"Oh, right, sure," Reggie responded, passing her the container. "Sorry. Computers aren't really my thing."
"Well that's what you have me for," Flynn pointed out, smirking. "I fix your glitchy keyboard, you keep me from failing math."
Reggie laughed and leaned back against Flynn's bed while she worked. After a minute, she passed him back the jar and started fitting the keys back into place. He entertained himself by inspecting the black lid.
"Wait, so the lube is what flavor?" he asked, looking up at Flynn again. "Da-vinny-key?"
"Divinikey," Flynn corrected easily. "And that's a brand, not a flavor. Please don't eat keyboard lubricant."
"Well I wasn't planning on it..." Reggie said, letting his sentence trail off suggestively.
"Reginald Jacob Peters, you wouldn't dare," Flynn warned, shooting him a glare over her shoulder.
He held her eyes for one moment. Two. Three. Fo-
Reggie burst out laughing, with Flynn only a moment behind.
"I make no promises," Reggie wheezed as he got his breath back.
"I'm not taking you to the hospital when it poisons you," Flynn shot back, her grin betraying her words.
Thank goodness Reggie's keyboard was done already.
Thank you, sorry for wasting your time with my brain worm!
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